#but they were more “put on your shelf” stuffed animals than “sleep with” stuffed animals

[existencebringsonlypain]

honored for these two to be my first (genuine actual) stuffed animal I've ever had!

[dollfacefantasy]

Kiss It Better

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!bunny-hybrid!reader

summary: on a day planned to be just for just you and leon, he gets called into work. it dredges up some old memories, and upon returning home, he wants to make it better by taking extra care of his baby bunny.

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, cockwarming, daddy kink, size kink, breeding kink, hurt/comfort, reader copes with her past at the shelter

word count: 6.1k

a/n: yay leon and his baby bunny finally return. i hope this lives up to the first part lol which can be found here. i have another part planned as well if people are interested. as always reblogs and comments mean the world <3

“I could never say no to my sweet baby bunny.”

A statement Leon had said off-hand in the heat of the moment. Something he’d told you as a comfort, a way of warming you up for your first intimate moments together. He hadn’t put much thought into it before it rolled out of his mouth. 

But damn, if only he’d known how true it would prove to be.

The words were ringing through his head right now as you dragged him through the mall on another Saturday he dedicated entirely to spending time with you. He’d already bought you a fair amount of stuff from cute frilly socks to pretty pink panties to some tiny t-shirts he knew he’d regret as soon as you used one to get your way. And now you were heading towards a shop tucked away in the farthest corner of the shopping center. His only hope was that the location meant it was the end of the line, the last stop on your trip.

From what he could see, it sold stuffed animals amongst other items that could clutter up his house. Luckily, the small plush toys seemed to be the only things drawing your attention. Your eyes scanned the rows before fixating on a specific one that sat on the bottom shelf. You crouched down to get and pulled it to your chest, standing up again so Leon could see your selection. His eyes soften as he notices your little cottontail twitching with excitement.

He can’t help the smile that spreads on his face at the sight. His sweet girl standing there with a small plush cow in her arms. The tufts of black and white fur jutted out the top of its head near a set of foamy horns. You looked up at him with puppy eyes, which he’d come to view as unfair since he’d chosen a bunny for a reason. But they worked on him all the same.

“Baby-” he starts, but you interject, predicting his argument.

“I don’t have a cow yet,” you plead, “It’s just one more.”

“Yeah, this one is just one more. And so is the next one, and the one after that, and the one after fifty more of these things,” he teases.

“C’mon, please,” you beg, stepping close to him to lean against his chest.

“Is this your way of telling me you want your own bed again? You’re just gonna fill the one we share with more and more of these until there’s no room and I’m pushed to the floor,” he jokes.

“No,” you deny, “Plus I put them away at night anyways.”

“Most of them,” he corrects.

“Cause I need my bear to sleep,” you say with a little pout.

He swears he almost swoons. You’re too fucking cute. He knows he’s spoiled you rotten. You’re treated better than the average hybrid to put it lightly, but he was past the point of paying that any mind. That shelter he’d picked you up from never let you have stuff like this. In his mind, he was righting their wrongs, burying those sad memories with as much cute shit as he could afford. And if other people didn’t approve, if they thought he should keep you silent and on a leash, he couldn’t care less.

Looking down at you now, playfully pleading with him for that stuffed animal, he knew he could never treat you like that. He rolls his eyes and messes with your hair, gently scratching the base of your floppy ears.

“Fine,” he says, “One more.”

You all but cheer with your excitement, bouncing up to give him a fat kiss on the cheek. He takes the stuffie from you and walks to the register to pay for it. You walk, lacing your hand with his and swinging your arms back and forth.

He looks over at you and instantly remembers why he always ends up giving in. Why he can never say no. Now that you had opened up, he couldn’t get enough of you. He’d loved you before that day a few months ago, the day when he’d caught you during your attempt at self-soothing with his pillow between your legs. But since that day, a whole new layer of you had been revealed to him. The sweet and shy bunny he’d met at the shelter touched his heart first, but the affectionate and needy girl you’d allowed him to see owned it now.

He pays for your little cow, adding another bag to the collection hanging from his arm, and leads you out of the store. You tuck yourself under his arm, clinging to his abdomen.

“Thank you, daddy,” you say quietly and press a kiss to his chest.

His heart throbs at the sound of the sweet name you’d attributed to him months ago. He has to remind himself that you’re in public before any other part of his body reacts.

“You’re welcome, sweetheart,” he says and strokes one of your ears with his free hand.

Once the pair of you reach his car, he loads your stuff in before giving you a pat on the ass as you climb in the front seat. You’re all smiles, and he couldn’t feel better. He gets in the driver’s seat and switches the car on. Your hand goes for the controls to the music right away. He always let you pick when you were with him. Each song acted as a little glimpse into you and what you liked.

As you’re selecting one you like, he feels a buzz in his pocket. He fishes his phone out as you share some of the stuff you like about the song you put on. You then start asking him where you’re going next, but the plans slowly begin to unravel as he reads the message displayed over the picture of you he had as his screensaver.

“Shit…” he mutters to himself before looking back up at you. Your ears droop in tandem with his face dropping. “Baby, I gotta drop you back at the house. I gotta take care of some stuff at work for a bit.”

He sees the disappointment in your eyes, and it kills him.

“But… I thought you took the day off,” you say. Your mood rapidly depletes. It wasn’t his fault, but it wasn’t fair. This was supposed to be a day where he was all yours. Twenty four hours where the D.S.O. laid no claim on him.

“I did, but I’ve told you how it is sometimes. I can’t get out of it some days,” he says.

“But you already stayed late all week. What else do they even need you for?” you ask. It may be irrational, but you can’t help how your mind floods with a sense of abandonment in the moment. You knew Leon would never do that, but the years you spent in that shelter had done a good job of convincing you otherwise.

“Just some formality stuff. I’ll be as quick as I can. You know I wouldn’t choose working over being with you,” he says.

Now he’s the one pleading. Your ears are flat on your head, and your eyes are fixed on your seat below you. He knows you feel wounded now even though you’re holding it in.

“If you’re mad it’s ok,” he whispers and reaches out to stroke your jawline, “You can be upset, honey. I won’t get mad at you. I know you were excited about today.”

As much as you had opened up, he could tell you still shied away from showing too much negative emotion. He knew you’d gone through some punishments at the shelter you were still too scared to talk about.

“It’s not your fault,” you say and shrug, dejection all over your features.

He sighs and starts the car, pulling out of the parking space, and heading towards the house. “I know it’s not, but you can still let out some frustration. I wouldn't think you’re ungrateful if that’s what you’re worried about. You wouldn’t get in trouble,” he says, keeping his tone gentle.

You bring your feet up onto the seat and retreat into yourself a bit. With a simple shake of your head, he knows the topic has closed.

He lets out a quiet sigh as he drives down the road.  It drips with the frustration that he’s letting you down. He can’t reach inside your head and pull out the negative effects of the shelter. He can’t tell the D.S.O. to fuck off and let him spend as many hours as he wants with his precious girl. All he can do is pull into the driveway and watch you get out of the car, your posture slightly slumped with the encroaching feelings of loneliness. You pull your shopping bags from the car. At least you give him a little parting kiss so he doesn’t feel completely emaciated.

He watches your sad trudge into the house before taking the car back out of the driveway and down the same road in the opposite direction.

Inside the house, the silence dominates you. You pad down the hallway to the bedroom that had once belonged solely to Leon. Dropping the bags of clothes near the door, you then hop on the bed and toss your new little cow up near your other pillows. Your eyes linger on the ceiling. You’d become familiar with the insignificant bumps and ridges above that provided a distraction on sleepless nights. Nights where you just needed to tune everything out and count them to avoid being haunted by the past.

Before Leon had taken you in, you always imagined you’d enjoy the quiet of a real home. The shelter always echoed with loud cries of sorrow, screams of anger, and whimpers of hopelessness. You’d lie on the thin mattress tucked in the corner of your area and try to dream of the days your bed would be lush with pillows and blankets, decorated how you liked and  surrounded by the peace of you and whoever had chosen to love you.

And now those days have come. They’re real. You didn’t have to deal with the constant atmosphere of despair or the looming threat of punishment for acting like a human being. So why was it so easy for you to tumble into sadness like this? Why did the quiet no longer mean sanctuary but rather the absence of the person you loved most in this world? You could never work it out. It was too hard. Any time you tried you ended up spiraling into even more self loathing. Because there’s nothing to be sad about anymore. There’s no reason to feel like this. That stuff shouldn’t bother you; it’s nothing more than a collection of ugly memories at this point. Why couldn’t you be grateful for the life Leon had given you? The man gave you just about anything under the sun you could want, so why did one minor inconvenience have to throw you off this badly?

The bags by the door didn’t make you smile anymore. They only brought guilt. You didn’t deserve them. All the gifts and love he lavished upon you would never make you into what you were supposed to be.

Your thoughts consume you for longer than you notice. The sky darkens outside, tinting the room with a violet haze. You lie on the bed under your self-made cloud of gloom for hours, not noticing how much time has passed until you hear the garage door closing and footsteps getting closer. You glance at the bedroom door as it opens silently.

Of course, it’s Leon. His eyes fill with concern at the sight of you. He’d seen you down before but never so deflated. His face now resembles how he looked when he caught you humping his pillow all those months ago, but it’s also distinctly different. He still has curiosity in his gaze, not able to pin down what exactly is the reason for the present circumstances. Though the reaction this time is more worried than surprised. Your present state doesn’t shock him; instead he feels a protective instinct flare within him.

He approaches the bed and sits next to your limp form. His palm rubs up and down your arm slowly. “Hey baby,” he says softly, “You doing ok?”

You look up at him and nod. Sitting up, you scoot to him and align your side with his. Your legs extend out in the opposite direction of him as your head rests on the curve of his shoulder. “I just missed you,” you say softly, your arms encircling the circumference of his bicep.

He presses a kiss to the crown of your head and starts rubbing your back. “You do anything fun while I was gone?” he asks.

“Nothing special,” you respond, “Think shopping made me sleepy.”

You speak with a soft tone of voice, attempting to further the idea that this was merely a bout of tiredness. His eyebrows rise with suspicion. As cute as you look with your cheek squished against his shoulder, he pulls your body around and seats you on his lap. His fingers sweep down your jaw and guide you to look up at him.

“You sure you’re just tired? Nothing else? We weren’t out for that long. I just wanna make sure you’re alright,” he says, trying to show you with how he speaks that it’s not an accusation.

But you remain firm in your convictions and nod. “Mhm, I’m already feeling better. I just needed a little rest,” you assure him and tuck your face against his neck.

It’s not a lie. You were feeling better now that he had returned, each passing moment had little improvement for your mood. But he knew something still wasn’t right. He strokes down the silky expanse of your ears while his other hand massages the base of your tail.

“Well, I missed you too, y’know? Couldn’t stop thinking about my sweet baby bunny the whole time I was at work,” he says.

You were already melting against his chest from the physical contact, but now a smile graces your features. “Really?” you ask, looking up at him again.

“Really,” he confirms, “I felt pretty bad leaving you all alone when it was supposed to be our day.”

“Oh, you don’t have to fe-” you start before he interrupts.

“No, I told you the day was gonna be for us. So how about this?” he asks, rubbing his thumb back and forth over your chin, “How about instead we make it a night for us? I’ll give you a nice bath, put you in some of the new stuff I got you.”

He kisses your head again, then your temple, then your cheek.

“Maybe daddy’ll even give you a special treat before you fall asleep,” he murmurs before kissing your lips.

Taking in a deep breath, you nod. You’re helpless when he treats you like this, disagreeing doesn’t even seem like an option.

“Will you get in the bath with me though?” you ask.

He grins and rises off the bed with you in his arms. “Of course. Anything for my baby bunny.”

The two of you head to the attached bathroom. He sits you on the counter while drawing the bath. Steam drifts up into the hair from the hot water pooling in the tub. He lights some candles, dims the lights, and lets you pick out the scent of bubbles you want.

You sit on the laminate countertop, lazily swinging your dangling legs as you watch him. He checks the temperature of the water multiple times and stares at the clear liquid coming from the bottle of bubble bath. Once that’s taken care of, it’s your turn. He slips your shirt over your head and your bottoms down your legs like you’re the most delicate thing on the face of the earth. Kisses land on your jaw as he pulls your panties off too and drops them in the hamper with the other articles of clothing. So meticulous about everything, at least when it came to you.

He scoops you up again and brings you to the bath, setting you down in the water before twisting the faucet off and discarding his own clothing. Then he climbs in behind you, slotting his body between yours and the cool marble.

“C’mere, baby. Nice and close to daddy,” he murmurs as he pulls you onto his thighs.

You sink into his chest. The feeling of his skin against yours is almost enough to make it all better, enough to make you forget about earlier. You nuzzle into his muscular front, making him smile. He strokes your face and takes care to avoid getting your ears wet.

Both baths and showers used to make you anxious, and he knew that. One of the details you had shared with him about your life at the shelter was having to share the space with all the other hybrids, including the bathrooms. You’d told him how much you hated it, and he could only imagine. He tried extra hard now to make both as comfortable for you as possible, pampering you like an absolute princess.

Thinking about all this, him going above and beyond for you like he always did, makes you turn more into his body. Your arms loop around him, and you place your head beside his, obscuring your downtrodden expression from his vision. Your chin rests on his shoulder as he returns the embrace and holds you closer.

“My perfect girl,” he whispers.

The words are complimentary, but right now, the second in particular stings like a blade. You nestle your face against the warmth of his throat and tighten your limbs around him, trying to drown out the bad swirling inside of you with the feeling of his flesh on yours.

He knows you’re still acting a little unusual. Maybe your heat was right around the corner and it had you feeling extra needy. Maybe you were just still a bit sad about missing out on a day with him. He wasn’t totally sure, but he just wanted to make it better. And the way you were starting to press against him, breasts flush against his chest and the warmth of your thighs pressing against either side of him had his cock starting to stiffen up.

“Sweet thing… you wanna feel a little closer, hm?” he murmurs, fingertips rubbing tiny circles into the small of your back.

You weakly nod.

“Is this close enough? Or should daddy get even closer? I think being inside would feel even better,” he whispers.

You nod again, this time with more motivation. “Please daddy,” you mumble.

“Of course. All you had to do was ask,” he says. He lazily strokes himself a few times beneath the water, getting himself a little harder before he lifts you slightly and slides in.

A soft moan drifts out of you as he lowers you again. You put your head back down on him and sit with the comfort of being full.

“There’s my baby bunny,” he coos in a low voice.

He also takes in the feeling of your tight walls sucking him in. The feeling of your warm, wet embrace wrapped around him.

The two of you sit quietly for a while more, the bathroom silent except for the occasional trickle of water when one of you shifts. Flickering lights from the candles paint the walls in dim orange as the scent of the bubble bath takes over the air completely.

But to Leon’s dismay, your mood doesn’t seem to be brightening up. You don’t start squirming with the need to ride him like you normally would. You don’t get extra sappy with him and start going for more kisses or longing looks. 

He reaches for the wash cloth resting on the brim of the tub and soaks it in the water. He squirts some soap onto it and gently rubs it up and down your back. He can feel your muscles losing some of their tension, but you’re still withdrawn. He continues tenderly cleaning you off while you sit with him inside you.

After a few moments more, not knowing becomes unbearable. “Honey, what’s wrong?” he asks softly.

“Nothing, I’m-”

“You’re not just sleepy,” he interjects. His voice is still loving despite the confrontational manner of the conversation. 

He gently guides you away from his body so you’re kneeling straight up in the bath. His eyes scan you over, trying to make this easier by figuring out what it is, but he can’t. He brings the wash cloth up to your chest and starts brushing it against your chest, between your breasts, and down your belly.

“I know something’s wrong, and I know you’re scared of talking about things like this. But I would honestly prefer you telling me what it is, even if it comes out harsh, to sitting here and trying to figure out what’s bothering you,” he says as he rubs your skin with the soft cloth.

“I don’t know,” you say timidly.

“I’m only asking because I care. I can’t help you if I don’t know what the problem is. Seeing you hurting hurts me too, baby,” he responds.

“I’m not lying. I don’t know,” you say again, some defensiveness seeping into your words, “I don’t know why I feel bad. I don’t know how to tell you what’s wrong. I just- I felt sad earlier, and I know I shouldn’t feel sad which makes me more sad.”

He sees the panic rising in your eyes and hears your words becoming more rushed. In an effort to keep the situation controlled, he pulls you back to his chest, hushing your worries by engulfing you with his arms. You reciprocate the motion, eager to retreat from your emotions. He takes a pause to grapple with what you had just said.

“What do you mean you shouldn’t feel sad?” he asks.

“Because… because there’s no reason to be sad,” you answer.

“If you’re sad, then there’s a reason to be sad,” he says and looks down at you with growing concern.

You shake your head. “No, there isn’t,” you whimper. You start to feel tears collecting in your eyes while your throat feels like it’s constricting. “You make everything so perfect for me, and I can’t do the same for you.”

He’s beyond confused at this point. He feels a couple tears fall against his neck, and all he can do is hold you tighter.

“Woah, woah, baby, c’mon,” he says, trying to prevent more tears, “What are you talking about? Perfect? I don’t expect you to be perfect.”

“Yeah, exactly because you are perfect. You never push me. You never ask for too much. You never do anything bad, and I still get like this,” you cry.

“... Is that a bad thing?” he asks, still lost.

“No, but I just wanna be perfect for you too. You work so hard all the time at your job, and then you come home and you have to deal with me,” you weep and cling onto him more, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Don’t say that,” he says in a hushed voice, “You’re exactly what I want. I couldn’t ask for anything more than you.”

“Yes, you could. You deserve someone who can give you what you give. You deserve someone who’s not fucked up by stupid stuff from the past,” you cry, “I’ll never be a perfect pet, and I don’t wanna disappoint you.”

His chest aches and tightens up when he hears that. He starts to pull out, figuring this wasn’t the time to be balls deep inside you, but you stay locked around him so he stays put.

“Sweetheart, you’re not… I don’t see you as…” he starts, being careful with his words.

You continue your quiet crying against him.

“You’re more than a pet to me,” he decides, soft but firm, “You don’t disappoint me ever. You can’t disappoint me because I don’t have expectations of what you should be. You’re not some dumb animal that I want to mold into a fantasy. I know you were treated like that before, but that’s not what you are to me. You’re my baby bunny. My little love.”

More tears spill out onto him. The bathwater ripples with the shaking of your body.

“You’re not fucked up,” he whispers, “That stuff you went through at the shelter, that’s a big deal. I don’t expect you to just be able to move on from that like it’s normal. You need some extra care, and I’ve known that since the first day you came home with me. It’s not a bad thing. It’s something I love about you. I’m not dealing with you when we do things like this. You’re not a burden to me.”

“Promise?” is all you can choke out right now.

“I promise, baby. Cross my heart and hope to die,” he murmurs and kisses your temple. He sighs and squeezes his arms around you before saying a little more amidst the quiet of the bathroom. “I’m not gonna pretend I know exactly how you feel. But I know how it is to get shoved into a life you didn’t ask for. To get expectations put on you that you can never meet. I don’t want you to feel like that with me. I love you, and I’m gonna love you whether you’re a perfect ‘pet’ or not. That’s not what’s important to me.”

You know he’s being genuine. You hold yourself closer and press a few faint kisses to his throat. “I’m sorry,” you cry.

“Nothing to be sorry for,” he whispers, “Just try and calm down for me, sweet girl. Take some deep breaths.”

You do as he says and work towards settling down. Your breathing slows, and the tears slowly stop. He grabs another washcloth and wets it. He guides your head up and gives you a small kiss before dabbing at your cheeks and cleaning your face of any remaining sadness. Your eyes flutter shut and relax under the loving care of his movements. He tends to your hair next, caring for it how you need.

Once your bath is done, he pulls out of you. You give him a little pout, bringing a smirk to his face.

“Patience, little one,” he teases before standing up with you in his arms.

He taps the stopper with his foot, draining the bathtub as he steps out. He sets you down so he can wrap a towel around his waist and then bundles you up in a big fluffy one. He dries you off and brings you in front of the mirror. He applies some product to your ears, something he’d gotten to keep them from drying out. You can’t help the smile on your face as his fingers gently rub down your long, fluffy ears. You can feel his love through his motions. He follows it with your hair routine, going through each step with precision and making sure to do it just how you like.

Before he takes you to the bedroom, his arms curl around your waist and he slots his head next to yours, gazing into your eyes through the reflective glass of the mirror.

“My baby bunny,” is all he says before pulling you out to the bed and laying you down on it.

He gets some of your lotion, a scent he’d become so familiar with. He rubs it all up and down your legs, taking time to lightly massage as he works. His hands glide all over your body, over your hips, up your sides, across your chest, and down your arms to your hands. Every inch of you was going to feel soft as silk if he could help it. The soft sighs of pleasure that come from you are enough to keep him thoroughly invested in the process.

When he’s finished, he plants a kiss on your lips and gets up. He heads to the door where you had dropped the shopping bags from earlier. He’s rifling through them, pulling out some new items you could wear to bed. He fishes out a cute t-shirt and some smooth panties when he hears your voice call to him.

“Wait, daddy?” you say.

“Yeah, baby?” he responds immediately, looking over his shoulder at you.

“Come back,” you request.

He looks at you curiously but stands up and walks back to the edge of the bed where you were sitting. Looking down at you lovingly, he holds your jaw and squeezes your cheeks. “What is it?”

“I don’t wanna get dressed yet… Maybe I could still have my treat… if you want to,” you initiate timidly while grabbing the hem of his towel.

He smiles and breathes out a laugh. “Yeah? You’re feeling better and need daddy again?” he asks teasingly, letting you tug the towel loose. It crumples to the floor behind his legs and unveils his cock to you.

“Always need my daddy,” you say, looking up at him.

“Don’t I know it,” he teases.

He pushes you back on the bed and crawls on top of you. Leaning down, he kisses and nips at your neck. His hands squeeze your hips. You nuzzle the side of his head affectionately. Out of the corner of your eye you see him swat away the plush cow that sat nearby on a pillow from when you’d thrown it earlier.

“Hey,” you say, feigning protest, “That’s mean. He didn’t do anything.”

“I’m sure he’ll forgive me,” he says with a grin.

Your body is already exposed from the bath, and he takes advantage. He kisses down along your collarbone towards the valley of your breasts. His palms cup them at the sides as his lips coast over them. He always took his time with you when he could. He’d get to rush when you were in heat and soaked just from being in the room with him.

Your fingers lace through the strands of his hair as you draw in a sharp breath. He laves at your nipples and the sensitive flesh of your breasts. His tongue caresses along the curves slowly, building your anticipation and causing your tummy to start fluttering.

His hand slides down your body, dipping between your legs to seek out your center. His fingers brush against the velvet folds and feel how they’re beginning to grow slick with your arousal. He swirls around your clit before pressing down on the sensitive nub and rubbing. Your lips part as you mewl.

“Is daddy already making you feel good, baby?” he coos.

You nod as your face starts to morph into that pouty look you get when you’re worked up. He loves every second of it and continues flicking his middle finger against the bud.

“You gonna let me show you how perfect you are, hm?” he asks.

You simply whine in response and tilt your head back against the pillows.

“That’s my girl. So fuckin’ pretty when you get like this,” he says.

He swipes his fingers up and down some more until he feels you're wet enough and ready to take him. He was certain you could take it without as much prep. Over the last couple of months, you’d you’d shown him the phrase “fucking like rabbits” was true after all, but he liked making you feel like you needed it. He like dragging his tip against your entrance, teasingly prodding the head of his cock at your hole. He savored the way you whine and squirm for it. Just like you were doing right now.

He pushes it in you, a deep groan coming from him as he sinks in all the way to the hilt. The way your eyes flutter and droop drives him crazy. His arms cage you down on the mattress as his knees sink into the plush blankets for leverage so that he can start thrusting.

“Perfect fit, that’s for sure,” he grunts, “No one else can take my cock like you can.”

You nod, whimpering and holding onto him. “Made for my daddy,” you say before gasping.

“Yeah you were. My perfect angel bunny. Sent down just for me,” he says and starts rocking his hips.

You writhe within the confines of his arms. Your breasts push up against his chest as your back arches. He fucks into you deep as he can, just how he knows you like it. Gripping your wrists, he pins them on the mattress, keeping you secure and in place so that he can piston his hips against you without interruption.

His own head tilts back, eyes shutting and lips separating the smallest bit. You gaze up at him like he’s the prettiest thing you’ve ever seen. Every bit of him makes you clamp around his length.

“Such a good girl,” he mutters, “This is just what you needed. Just needed daddy to breed you and get you nice and calm again.”

That word makes your fuse burn faster, and you nod vigorously. “Can’t help it daddy,” you whimper, “I’m just a bunny. Don’t know any better.”

“Oh, I know, baby. Sweet little bunny like you needs to be bred. You need daddy’s cock to function, don’t you? Nothing feels right if you haven’t been bred,” he says, picking up more speed.

“Mhm,” you squeak.

Your legs start trembling hard as he hammers into your sweet spot over and over. To stabilize you, he lets go of your wrists and places his palms on the back of your thighs. He’s pressing you so hard into the mattress it feels like you might drop through straight to the floor. You cry out for him again and again, spurring him on.

“Good girl. I gotta breed my perfect little bunny. Fuck you nice and full like you deserve,” he grunts. The bed creaks with the force of his movements.

He pants as he drills into you. His head eventually falls forward to your shoulder again, but his hips don’t stop rolling.

“Fuck, you’re gonna make me cum so hard, you’re gonna end up with a whole litter,” he moans.

Your eyes roll back and your legs lock around his waist. “Need it, daddy. Please,” you whine and clutch at his shoulders.

“I need it too baby. Need to knock up my sweet baby bunny. Gotta get you nice and full so everyone knows you’re all mine,” he says.

You’re both almost at the peak, gripping each other as tight as possible, sucking in air like there’s a limited supply. Both of you are moments from snapping when Leon’s eyes screw shut, his mind clouded by images of you pregnant with his babies. It’s too much, and he’s snapping into you like he’ll die otherwise.

“You’re gonna be the prettiest mama to our perfect babies,” he moans against you before his body starts sputtering.

The feeling of his cum flooding into you is enough to throw you over the edge with him. You seize up, back arching off the bed like you're possessed. You babble out some words of love, but all of it gets lost. You’re so jumbled up from the high, you both can only cling to each other as you ride it out.

You’re still breathing heavy as you come down, and so is he. Puffs of his breath come out right next to your ear. He lazily kisses below the lobe as you come back to reality.

“You see how important to me you are? See how much I love you?” he murmurs as he carefully rolls over and brings you to rest on his chest with him still buried inside you.

You nod and peck his jaw as you settle against him.

“Good. I never want you thinking like that again. If you ever need a reminder of what I think of you, I want you to tell me, and I’ll give you this same reminder.”

“I will,” you agree softly as he strokes your back.

You’re both exhausted from the exertion and the long day. He’s content to just melt into the bed while tangled up with you.

“Gonna keep you plugged up for a while, baby. Gotta make sure it takes, my sweet girl,” he mumbles as his eyes start drooping.

You gaze up at him, pretty sure you have hearts in your eyes. Your doubt and sadness had been abated for now. You nuzzle him and kiss his chest before trying to get some rest yourself. 

“Love you daddy. So so much,” you whisper.

[bonny-kookoo]

Hey what about the time when I Like You JK realised that mc is more than just a hollow barbie? What bought him to this realisation? Also I'm sooo loving shy kook XD

When he walks in, he's greeted by.. pink.

A lot of pink.

Your curtains, the counters and and cupboards on the walls of your open kitchenette, the pillows on your little couch, the small heart-shaped carpet in front of it. There's stuffed animals everywhere as well, a folded up mattress and neatly folded blankets in a corner, and he assumes you must pack it up like this after sleeping every day. Your apartment is tiny, after all. There's not much space whatsoever- your living space basically compacted into one big room.

He's not really that surprised. Your apartment, at the first glance, looks exactly like you. Cute, girly, colorful, a little chaotic.

But as he looks closer, things become a bit more.. detailed.

You're off to fetch a towel for his rain-soaked hair, and he's careful not to have his clothes drip all over your floor as he walks around a tiny bit. There's numerous cooking books on a shelf near the kitchen, some in different languages even. Another bookshelf near your TV is absolutely packed with mangas, novels, and many books titled things like 'intelligence of household pets' and others with foreign names.

It's only now that he realizes, he's never actually asked what you did for a living. What your hobbies were. You knew that about him- but he himself knew basically nothing about you.

"There we go!" You chirp, playfully dropping the babypink towel onto his head, making him jump a moment. "I've got a suuper oversized simple shirt here, and a pair of Jimin's sweatpants he forgot ages ago. Just put your clothes in the dryer in the bathroom, I'll turn it on after you're done changing." You tell him, walking towards your couch to grab the TV remote, zapping through the channels.

He's quiet all the way until late, when you're both sitting on that couch, watching the evening news.

"What.. I never asked what your job is." Jungkook wonders, and you look at him at that, a bit surprised it seems.

"I'm an animal behavior consultant." You tell him, and his eyes widen. "I basically.. you know, people give me their cats and dogs and I tell them what the problem is. And how to fix it. If you can fix it." You shrug, reaching out to grab a snack.

"Did you have to study for that?" He wonders, interested now.

"Yep!" You chirp. "Got a masters, wanted to be a vet first but man, I would bawl my eyes out every time I had to put a pet down." You joke. "So I went for a different route, pissed off my parents by studying 'bullshit' as my dad called it, and got a certificate and stuff." You easily tell, not at all with a bragging tone or anything else.

You're pretty.. nonchalant about it.

"That's.. pretty impressive." He says.

"I know!" You laugh. "People think I do onlyfans or something most of the time, but I don't." You giggle to yourself. "Although I did sell feet-pics on discord when I was still studying.." You hum to yourself, making Jungkook himself chuckle. "Hey, a girl gotta pay her bills!" You say, hitting Jungkook next to you on his thigh. "Geez- are you made of only muscle? What the fuck is that?!" You dramatically exclaim, poking his thigh.

"I just.. work out." He mumbles a bit shy, feeling a bit insecure. Do you not like guys like him? Is he intimidating to you? Do you like softer guys more?

And why does he care about that?

"I just work out" You imitate him. "I work out too and my thighs don't feel like that! Though that might also be the three packs of ramyon I shoved into myself last night.." You mumble, poking at your own, way softer flesh.

"You're fine." He reassures softly. "I like your body." He offers- before he turns bright red, realizing what he just blurted out like an idiot.

"Oh damn, Jungkook!" You laugh, playfully shoving your body into his side. "Making moves, my guy!" You say, making him move his head away from you. "I like your body too- well, from what I can tell underneath your baggy clothes." You shrug, and he looks back at you with a mix of wonder and also.. insecurity.

"Yeah well.. I like your.. you know, everything else too." He says.

"Are you confessing to me right now?" You ask, and he shakes his head defensively. "No worries, I was only joking." You tell him, before leaning against him again, watching the TV.

Leaving him mildly disappointed in himself.

Because he kind of wishes he did just confess.

But maybe he just needs a bit more time.

[whereianonymouslypostfics]

Stuffy

Pairing: Wanda Maximoff x reader

Word count: ~2.4k

Summary: Little Nat loses something important to her

A/N: First in a series of little nat stories inspired by ideas from @rianncreates

Warnings: fluff, slight angst, cuteness 

When Natalya was born, she was surrounded by her family. You and Wanda were with her, and after a few minutes in private the rest of your family had joined you two. They’d all been excited to meet their new niece, and the tired, yet happy parents carefully handed her off for one-on-one time with her aunts and uncles. They’d all bought gifts for her, and you watched happily as Wanda accepted them on Little Nat’s behalf once you were all back at your house the next day. You were still exhausted, but seeing your friends with such unfamiliar excitement was like adrenaline to you. You smile widely as Pietro presents his sister with a gift that he’d certainly had for some time. It was the only way he’d could have gotten it personalized like this.

“See, sestra? Isn’t it great?”

In a very on brand decision, Pietro had gotten his niece a onesie that said ‘My favorite Maximoff’ and beneath it is an outline of Pietro’s profile. You found it hilarious and luckily your wife was too tired to be anything but amused by it. She claimed that Natalya would never wear it, but only an hour later once she’d fallen asleep, Pietro is changing Natalya.

Bucky and Steve brought her a ridiculously soft blanket and matching pillow that you immediately want to steal from her. Instead, you let them wrap Natalya in the blanket and put her pillow on the shelf of her nursery until she’s old enough to have it in her crib.

Lastly, Yelena and Nat got your daughter a large green sea turtle toy that was almost larger than she was. It was Yelena’s idea of a gag gift since Natalya wouldn’t be able to play with this for a while, but you loved it. Turtles were one of your favorite animals, and you definitely already have Yertle the Turtle on the bookshelf in the nursery. You hug all of your friends with a grateful smile before Wanda does the same. You know that Natalya is going to treasure all of these gifts when she’s older and better able to associate them with her family.

You should have guessed which one she’d like the most.

When she was old enough to have things in her crib, you’d put the pillow, blanket and stuffed turtle with her. She’d cuddle up at night under the blanket with her turtle clutched in her arms. You found it adorable and took many, many pictures of your daughter sleeping soundly with her gifts. You sent pictures to your friends more often than not to show them how cute your daughter was.

As soon as she was able, she’d drag the huge turtle around with her everywhere she went. The first time one of the dogs grabbed it she’d cried so loudly Wanda dropped the entire pan of brownies she’d baked. She’d had to rush back and clean them up once she confirmed that Natalya wasn’t hurt, but she watched her daughter try and steal her toy back for a few seconds before you helped her out.

The dogs weren’t the only ones she didn’t want touching her toy. If you or Wanda grabbed it for her, Natalya would start to whimper and tear up. It was a little concerning how possessive she was of it, but luckily she got better as she got older.

When Natalya was nearly 2 years old, she was still bringing her turtle, who she’d dubbed Winston, to every meal. He sat in her lap as she ate and she sometimes pretended to feed him from her plate. You found it adorable until one day when Little Nat was eating ice cream, and she dunked Winston’s head in it. You’d had to clean him and you’d feared that she would be upset, but luckily, she was too preoccupied eating her ice cream to care. You smile at the sight of her humming happily and you nearly curse as you drop the turtle in the sink when you turn the water on too high.

“Oh snap!”

When Wanda wakes up from her nap, she finds you and Natalya sitting in the living room on the couch together. You’re both asleep as a Disney movie plays, and Nat is snuggled up into your side as she holds her turtle Winston under one arm. She has her thumb in her mouth and Wanda is quick to take a picture and send it to Natasha and Yelena. They’re very glad, even if a little surprised that Nat loves her turtle so much.

One Sunday morning, you and Wanda are trying to spend an extra few minutes in bed before starting your day, but the sound of crying down the hall makes you race to your daughter’s room.

“Natalya? What’s wrong?”

Wanda’s right on your heels as you push the door open and hurry into your daughter’s bedroom. You find her sitting on her bed with toys and most of her comforter thrown on the ground as she looks around tearfully. Wanda frowns at the mess but she doesn’t get to comment on it before Nat’s trying to speak through loud sobs.

“Winston!”

You look around in confusion before you realize that the turtle is nowhere in sight. Wanda’s already starting to search through all of the toys on the floor to make sure they’re not missing anything. She looks under the bed and you focus on Little Nat as you try to get her to calm down a little.

You sit down carefully before you hold out your arms to wave the brunette toward you. She doesn’t hesitate to crawl into your lap, and you hold her close with a smile as you run your fingers through her hair.

“It’s okay, Little Nat we’ll find him. Do you remember when you last had him?”

After Wanda’s given up looking for him in here, she sits down next to you to listen to Natalya’s answer. Rogue has wandered into the room at this point and he was sniffing around as Natalya rubbed at her eyes.

“I-in bed.”

You frown slightly but figure that she means right before falling asleep. You’re sure of this because you had been tucking Winston and Nat in for over a year.

“He was here when you went to sleep?”

Natalya nods against your chest before you look to Wanda with a frown.  You’re not sure where he could have gone, but you let Nat sit on the bed watching nervously as you and Wanda search her entire room. You look back toward her after about ten minutes of searching only to see that Rogue is now sitting on her bed.

“Rogue, no. Down.”

He whines before doing as he’s told and heading for the door to try his luck elsewhere. Surprisingly Natalya jumps up and runs after him with a distressed cry that makes Wanda stick her head out of the closet. Her hair’s a mess and she’s getting frustrated by their failure to find a rather large toy.

“Wogue!”

You follow after her quickly before she can head for the stairs, and Wanda finishes straightening up the mess you both had left before continuing the search.

“Natalya, wait.”

Nat had grabbed Rogue’s tail to stop him in his tracks, and the shepherd had just turned around to lick her when you stepped out of the room. You reach down to pick up your daughter as you consider where her turtle could be. Did she take it to the bathroom last night right before going to bed? You turn around to check and you’re disappointed when you confirm your suspicions. You bounce the sniffling brunette as you head downstairs and try to formulate a plan.

“We’ll keep looking for Winston, but do you want some breakfast first? Maybe some cereal?”

Usually, Natalya would begin to bounce in excitement and sometimes even clap at the suggestion of food. Especially her favorite snack food. This time she just pouts before shaking her head and turning her face so she’s hidden in your hair.

“Not hungry.”

You and Wanda both realize this is a bad sign and you turn to your wife with a frown. What were you going to do?

In the end you continue to look around the house for Natalya’s turtle while Wanda cooks breakfast and gets the coffee started. She also feeds the dogs and lets them out before you return twenty minutes later from the den with a crying toddler.

“I’m going to keep looking, Wands. Little Nat, stay here with Mama and eat, okay?”

Natalya wants to argue, but she’s getting hungrier and the smell of her favorite is weakening her resolve. She lets you set her down in a chair at the table, the pillow beneath her lifting her up enough to reach the plate that Wanda sets in front of her. She sits down with a cup of coffee before handing you one that is mostly milk. You shoot her an appreciative smile before kissing the top of your daughter’s head with a sigh.

“I’ll find him, Nat. I promise.”

Two hours later you’ve looked everywhere possible for Winston, but he’s nowhere to be found. He’s not on the third floor in Fletcher’s corner of stolen toys, and he’s not in any of the guest rooms, your room, Nat’s or any of the bathrooms. You even ventured downstairs into the basement, and when you emerged twenty minutes later you were sweaty and covered in spiderwebs.

“I have no idea where he is, Wands.”

You practically fall onto the couch beside Wanda as you sigh in defeat. This is bad and you realize that short of finding another identical toy, Natalya isn’t going to be happy. Wanda frowns as she turns to see that you look exhausted and stressed. You had hoped that she’d just left it somewhere obvious, maybe on the couch, or that it had fallen under the kitchen table, but no such luck. You groan quietly as you close your eyes at the feeling of Wanda’s patting your leg with a reassuring look that you completely miss.

“It will turn up, Y/n.”

You don’t argue despite feeling like you’re never going to see Winston again because you’re too tired. You’re glad that Natalya is taking a nap because you don’t know how you’re going to break this news to her. You hear the low murmurs from the television, and the sound of a dog snoring nearby. You sigh as you lean against your wife and try to relax for a minute or two.

“I hope so.”

You stifle a yawn and resist the urge to snuggle closer to Wanda out of fear of disturbing the brunette at her other side. You’re almost asleep when you hear a dog shake suddenly and you jump before opening your bleary eyes with a frown. Boone is standing up and stretching as he looks around the room. When his gaze lands on you he comes over to say hello and you just smile before holding out your hand.

“Hey buddy. How was your nap?”

He just yawns before pawing at your leg with big, sad eyes. He obviously wants to get up on the couch, but there’s no blanket nearby and you’re not about to get up. You shake your head and he just whines before you scratch his head.

“No, Boone. You can’t get up here. You know what you can do though? Find Mr. Winston for your sister.”

Boone just huffs before he heads back to where his brother is still napping. You think he’s just going to lie down and pout, but instead he goes to the back door and starts to whine again. You check your watch and see that it’s not time to go out yet, but the fact that Rogue seems interested by the prospect of a walk, you have a feeling you’ll be getting up sooner than you wanted.

“Ugh.”

“I can walk them, detka.”

You turn to Wanda before shaking your head when you notice that Natalya is still curled into your wife’s side. Any movement from her will likely wake her up, and despite it needing to happen at some point, you wanted to let your daughter sleep while you figured out what to tell her.

“It’s okay, I’ll make it fast.”

Wanda just smiles and accepts a quick kiss before you let the dogs outside. You follow them and hurry to sit down on the stairs with a heavy sigh. You’re exhausted and it’s barely noon. You stifle a yawn as you look over to see Rogue is sniffing his favorite tree, but Boone is nowhere in sight. You frown before looking around for him only to come up empty.

“Boone? Where’d you go, bud?”

You stand up and start to walk around the side of the house to search for him, but you spot a familiar tail sticking out from under the deck. You frown slightly before you stop in your tracks and put your hands on your hips.

“Boone! What are you doing under there? Come on-.”

You trail off as Boone emerges from underneath the depths of the deck with a familiar green toy in his mouth. Your mouth is hanging open in shock, and you stare at your dog as he just wags his tail and brings Winston to you. He’s a little dirty, but you can’t even think about that right now. Your main concern is why Boone had taken Winston and put him under the deck of all places. You’re still speechless as Boone pushes the toy into your stomach with a grumble. You don’t take it immediately because you’re trying to push down your annoyance at having searched the entire house for this toy that your dog had taken and hidden for some reason.

“Oh my god!”

Wanda’s surprised to hear you shout while you’re outside, and she’s considering going to check on you when the dogs appear at the door. They hurry inside, but she’s more focused on you and your disgruntled expression.

“What…?”

You cut Wanda off as you hold up the stuffed animal that you’ve been searching for all morning. She shoots the dogs an incredulous look before you step inside and shut the door behind you slowly. You open your mouth to speak, but you glance to Natalya and change your mind last minute.

“I don’t even...”

Little Nat Adventures

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Hello, sorry for the bother I really enjoy your writing and I hope you're doing well.

I was wondering how the RO's would react to finding out MC has a security *item, if you wanna make it angsty it could be lost or ruined. *blanket, teddy, book, ect.

(I'm a big advocate you shouldn't have to "grow out" of what comforts you, so long as it isn't hurting anyone me and my teddy Sir Lancelot support you!)

Anyways whether you answer or not thank you for taking the time to read this I hope you have a lovely day.

Hello,

And your no bother at all, never be afraid to ask me anything! And me and my army of stuffed animals that chill on my bed, agree with you 100% (Btw, Teddy Sir Lancelot sounds so cute!)💙

Cassandra: She might not get it at first, "You bring your childhood stuffed bear everywhere with you? ...How old are you again?" She does not mean it in a mean way, she just grew up a little too fast after her mom died. Cass grew up happy but a little bit too pragmatic, give her some time and she will start to care for your prized possessions like they were her own. She would hand wash the teddy bear with great care and even patch him up if needed.

Valeria: She totally gets it and will happily show you her beloved sheep plushie, 'Baa-by' that she has had ever since she was two. She is so happy you have a beloved item too, she was so scared that MC would see her as childish for clinging to her stuffy still at her age.

Tomás: His reaction is very much "Uh, okay?". Doesn't judge you... unless your a guy then he might tease you a little bit over it but doesn't bully you about it. Might protest to stuffed animals being on the bed with you guys, if MC is a man then he will be a bit more pushy about moving the plushie on a shelf or something. If MC is a woman then he might politely ask if you could have it facing away from him when you guys are sleeping (because the truth is, it freaks him out to have the little soulless eyes look at him at night lol). Also gets jealous over the plushie regardless of MC's gender, might toss it off the bed is MC cuddles with the teddy more than him.

-

Ludovica: Understands and loves to see this soft side of MC, holds it like it's made of the most fragile crystal and takes very good care of it whenever she gets the chance. Mends it whenever she sees that it might need it, and makes cute little outfits for the plushie. She might also cuddle with it when MC isn't in the room because it reminds her of them.

Aurelio: Is very nonchalant over it and asks if you would like him to buy you a custom made doll house for the plushie to rest in when you guys are away from home.

Elio: 100% judges you for it but gets over it as time goes on, you might see him pick it up from time to time and moving it to new corners of the room where he thinks it might look better. Ironically, MC could catch him putting a little blanket on it during the winter and when asked why he would say "...Well because it's cold, obviously? Do you want him to catch a cold? Honestly, how heartless of you. He is just a little guy with no body heat, have some sympathy."

[fritz-federleicht]

Moving/Eddie Munson x reader

Words: 839

FLUFF

-----------------------------------------

,,Can you please put the books in that box back there?" You hold your Lord of the Rings books out to Eddie. "I didn't know you were a Lord of the Rings fan."

,,Eddie, are you kidding me? These are the best books ever!"

"I know. And that's why you can leave them here. It just so happened that I'm in possession of these masterpieces, too."

You pull back your hands that were outstretched till this moment and put the books back on the shelf.

,,Okay then, just a few more of my clothes and the teddy bear you gave me and we can go."

You and Eddie have been thinking about moving in together for a long time. But since you are still very young you had the idea to ask your parents if you could just move in with Eddie. Eddie's uncle didn't have any problems with that because he is rarely at home anyways. But then there are your parents. Of course they were against you moving in with Eddie for a long time.

But after some persuasion and several promises they finally gave in. So today is the day when you finally move in with Eddie. You've already been putting some of your stuff with him for two days. Of course you can't take everything to Eddie, like the Lord of the Rings books, because there is not enough room at his place. You just leave these things at your parents until you and Eddie move into a shared apartment.

,,Babe, do you really want to take the teddy bear with you? Then the stuffed bunny will feel neglected." Yes, Eddie not only bought you a teddy bear, but also a stuffed bunny. He would have loved to give you many more stuffed animals. But you prevented him from doing so. Why should you have more than one cuddly toy in each bed?

,,Of course Mister Teddy Bear has to come along. Otherwise he feels left all alone. Besides, then you can cuddle with a cuddly toy once in a while. I always see your envious looks when I cuddle with the stuffed bunny."

You say and walk towards the teddy bear sitting on your bed. You take it and hand it to Eddie. ,,I think you misinterpreted my gaze," says Eddie as he puts the cuddly toy in the box next to him. ,,I'm not jealous that you have a stuffed animal. I'm jealous of your stuffed animal. I'd rather be in his place."

You make a pout and put your arms around his neck. You pull him down to you and give him a kiss. Then you let go of him and turn to your closet, which still contains a few shirts and sweaters.

,,Let's quickly put away the rest of the stuff. I finally want to go home again."

,,Wow, that feels good that you're already saying home to the trailer," is whispered in your ear as two strong arms wrap around your hips from behind.

Eddie presses a quick kiss to the back of your head and then pushes lightly past you to the closet. He opens the cabinet doors, picks up the box, holds it in front of him, and slides the Tshirts in with a quick arm motion.

,,Eddie! I don't want to put the clothes back together then." ,,Angel, stay calm. I'll do it for you. You just said you wanted to get home quickly." And the sweaters are already in the box. "And be honest. You don't want to put all the clothes in the box one by one."

Of course Eddie is right. You just want to go to him and finally go to sleep. You nod and close your eyes briefly while standing. When you open them again, you see your boyfriend carrying one of two boxes out.

You take the other one and enter the hallway. So together, each carrying a box, you bring the rest of your essential items to Eddies Van.

After a long goodbye, from your parents, who acted as if they would never see you again, you get into the van and finally drive off to Eddie's trailer.

It's already very late in the evening, so you only quickly get the boxes in. You finish getting ready for bed and lie down in it.

After Eddie is also ready for bed and leaves the bathroom, he sees you already lying under the big blanket with the teddy bear in one arm and the stuffed bunny in the other arm.

,,Come here baby. So you won't be jealous again." You put the two cuddly toys aside and hold out your arms to him. He gladly accepts the invitation and lies down next to you in bed. He puts his arms around you and pulls you closer to his chest. Resting your head on his chest, your arms wrapped around him, you lift your head and give him a passionate kiss.

"I love you so much Y/N."    

,,I love you too." 

[cryptidsurveys]

Saturday, July 13th, 2024.

Are you going to be busy tomorrow? Not really. I'll be at the animal shelter from 7-11am, but after that I'm free to do whatever.

What was the last topic you read about on Wikipedia? I rarely ever look anything up on Wikipedia, so I have no idea what it would have been.

Have you ever donated money to Wikipedia? No.

Is your country part of the Commonwealth? It's not.

Around what time of the year do you start your Christmas shopping? Last Christmas was the first time in years that I did any gift-related shopping. My dad and I don't exchange gifts, but I've been back in touch with my mom since last summer, so I decided to get her a few things. As for decorations, I started shopping (as well as putting things up) around October. I know that's basically anathema to some, but I just know how fast the holiday season flies by and I actually wanted a chance to appreciate them. :') Additional info that no one asked for: many of the holiday decorations we own are from my childhood, so they're rather old, dusty, broken, etc. I decided last year to start building up my own little stash, and last year's focus was Xmas. This year, I'm going to focus more on Halloween or Thanksgiving, so they'll hopefully get their chance in the spotlight this upcoming season.

Do you have blinds or curtains on your windows? There are blinds on most of the windows, but there's a small curtain in the kitchen window.

What are the most common birds you'd see around your home? Mourning doves, grackles, robins, sparrows, hawks, bluejays, etc.

Did you sleep well last night? Yeah.

Did you live within walking distance of school when you were a kid? Technically yes. It probably would have taken me around 30-40 minutes to walk to my elementary school, but I took the bus.

What board games did you play when you were growing up? Monopoly, Parcheesi, Trouble, Mousetrap, Checkers, Yahtzee…

Do you know any sign language? No.

When was the last time you bought new clothes? What did you get? Three polo style shirts - two black and one light blue. Mainly for wearing to the animal shelter if my shelter shirts happen to be dirty or if I just want to change things up a bit.

What, other than books, do you have on your bookshelves? A ceramic pipe that my dad painted when I was a teen, a branch of dried cottonwood leaves, an unknown bone, a clamshell that often holds my rings, a sprig of fake lilacs, and a stuffed kitty doorstopper (it used to have a brick in the bottom, but that ripped out; now I just use the brick by itself and the cat is stashed on the bottom shelf).

Do you ever watch streamers on Twitch? No.

How close are your nearest neighbours? I live in a pretty typical suburban neighborhood, so…just imagine that level of closeness, I guess…?

Has your house ever been broken into? How did you find out? In a sense, but it's not a story I feel like telling.

What do you usually eat for breakfast? Oatmeal with fruit, peanut butter, carnation instant breakfast, and chocolate syrup. It's pretty much always some variation of that; I hardly ever eat anything else.

What's the first thing your hand touches if you reach to the left? A travel coffee mug. It's got a sort of marbled design on it.

Describe your favourite mug or cup. I have this huge red mug decorated with gingerbread houses that I use for my oatmeal, as well as another white mug with a kitty on it that says "Meowy Christmas."

If you could teleport to any country right now for a holiday, what would it be? Japan. Except I wouldn't want to go right now; I would prefer to go in spring or autumn.

Are you overwhelmed right now? Not exactly. It's more like I'm on the verge of feeling overwhelmed because I'm constantly pushing my physical/emotional/social limits in order to strengthen them. Like, I'm generally fine, but if I were to pile even a couple more activities on top of what I'm doing now, I think I would approach burnout.

Did you share a bedroom with someone when you were growing up? I did share a room with my mom when we lived in an apartment when I was a teen, but as for my childhood, I had my own room.

Have you ever had anything dry cleaned? I don't think so.

How many group chats are you in? Do you participate in them much? I'm not in any. That is one of my reservations when it comes to one day working at the animal shelter, though - the constant, off-the-rails group chats. Cassie was saying the other day how she was getting texts at 7am on her day off and she was just like…I don't want to see a picture of a dog in a pool; I'm trying to sleep! And frankly, I don't blame her. That dog photo would be a whole lot cuter in the middle of the day, but if I'm trying to sleep, fvck absolutely off, lmao. You're practically tethered to your phone, though, just in case something comes in that's actually relevant.

What's the best concert you ever went to? I've never really been to any memorable concerts.

Do you like to watch subtitled movies? I don't watch a whole lot of movies, but I don't mind if they have subtitles.

Are you still in touch with any of your exes? No.

How old were you when the first American Pie movie came out? I'm not sure.

Do you know how to change the oil in a car? What about a flat tyre? No.

What do you do for work? I volunteer at an animal shelter, in their cattery. I clean colonies/kennels (which involves wiping down surfaces/cat towers/etc, refreshing food and water, cleaning litter boxes, changing blankets, and that sort of thing). I also do basic housekeeping stuff like washing dishes/scoops, sweeping, mopping, laundry, taking out trash… Oh, and on Fridays, we have to weigh everybody, which is always an adventure. :')

[jodilin65]

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 31, 1992 Well, here we are on the last day of 1992. What will 1993 hold for me, I wonder?

Yesterday was a good day. I still wish Dennis wasn’t moving but he sure gave me some very nice stuff I could use. He gave me a round glass shelf stand similar to one I once had back east. It’s about 6 feet high and it’s a solid iron stand that is olive-colored. There are 4 glass shelves. It goes out in 4 directions and forms a peak at the very top. I put stuffed animals up there as well as on the glass shelves. I also took some other knickknacks and the few videos I have and put them on them.

He also gave me a step ladder stool similar to my old one. A sturdy small table I’ve put my typewriter on and a tiny square thing to sit on while I type. Also, the perfect TV stand I’ve been dying for. On top are my TV and VCR. The bottom has a slanted shelf, which is normally for videos, CDs or cassettes, but I’ve put journals 1-34 on it. It’s much sturdier than my thin plastic shelves. I removed the shelf where I put my little table and typewriter and I put it in my closet with my underwear folded on it and my socks underneath it. I was able to do this as Dennis also gave me a shoe rack. I save more space by putting my shoes on it and hanging them on back of my bathroom door.

I rearranged other stuff, too. I moved the speaker that was in a corner and put it by the bathroom door, which is very close to the bedroom. I now turn this speaker on at night instead of my clock radio. I shut off the other speaker by my door and my box too, at night. Or whenever I’m sleeping.

I slept well. I slept from 4:30 to a little after midnight, then got up and did Andy’s laundry. I chatted with Dan, the security guard too, and we went to my mailbox together. I got all junk.

Dennis told me to call Susie and Brian tomorrow cuz there will be more stuff no one else will want. He gave Andy a nice chair and a big world map.

While I was figuring out how to rearrange everything which took time, Andy went to the store and picked me up some water, TV dinners and munchies. I have no cash till my check comes. I hope Susie or Brian have some cigarettes they can spare.

In journal 32 I had accidentally skipped a page and Kara wrote on it. She wrote: He’s not my boyfriend, he’s just somebody I’m sleeping with. I, Kara, came over this morning with a pack of cigs. What’s a P.J. Paul, I’m going into the kitchen to get a knife and I’m going to come and get you. Well, I haven’t heard from Brian since the last time, which was almost 2 weeks ago. From now on he’s going to be a closed chapter in my life and the only time it is going to open is when he calls so I can bitch him out. There are just 2 words lying under the carpet. And they can’t put you in bucks for 400 jail. I’m so glad you’re my friend. Officer S is here with me. And boy is she pretty. Talk more later. Bye-bye.

Later…

Last night I began 1 of my 40-page stories. It’ll definitely need way more than 40 pages, but I can always carry it into another journal. It’s going well and I’ve already done 20 pages. I type up the rough draft, copy it in, then send the rough draft to Fran. I’m typing the rough draft on that pad of colored paper Mary bought me. Kara, who was over for a while yesterday read what I’ve written so far and really liked it. Kara’s one of the few people like Andy and I where you can share your fantasies with her and just about everything and she won’t freak out.

I don’t know if Mary and I will ever do this as I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but we came up with an idea. The idea is that she pays the pet deposit in my name, gets a cat and makes sure it works out (I told her how horrible the last two cats were). It can spend time up here when she’s not around or when the office people are around. It can stay with her when I’m asleep or not here.

I’ll write more later, but I really need a shower and some food. Current Location: Arizona

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1992 I guess Andy’s having trouble sleeping or is sick. It’s not like he’s noisy or anything, but I’ve heard movement over there all night long.

Yesterday morning at around 9:00 I heard them next door. The kids would slam their door, but finally, they left at about 11:00, thank fucking God! Now it should be peaceful for the next 4 days until something else wakes me up.

I was at the office yesterday and all 3 of them were in there. As usual, Paula and Judy were very friendly and understanding while I could feel Stacey’s hatred burning into my every pore.

I spoke to Paula, letting her know that although this complex and the apartments are beautiful, I may begin looking elsewhere. I thought the 1-bedrooms were $335, but they’re $349 and they’ll no doubt go up in June. That’s dirt cheap for such a nice apartment, but not anything I can afford. I wonder why I should even bother transferring to a 1-bedroom here anyway knowing how thin the walls are. Even if I could afford it, I should go look for thicker walls.

I fell asleep yesterday at 4 PM and I got up at 9:50 PM. Nothing woke me up, but I wanted to sleep later.

Dennis left a message saying I could have their dining room table and chairs along with other stuff. I have no room for the table and chairs, but I sure wish he was giving up his color TV. I’ll call him at 8:00. I also need to go to the store.

Kara left a message, too.

Later on, I’ll write about what Mary and I discussed concerning a cat and the crazy pet deposit they have here.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 29, 1992 Yesterday was an absolutely miserable day. Last night, too. It just goes to further my belief that God will never let me sleep no matter where I go. I also believe this definitely still would’ve happened even if I never had Kara egg Rosemarie’s car. Mary downstairs got the worst of it, but we both suffered pretty badly. The end results, however, are positive. I think they are, but let me start at the beginning. It’s almost like I was back at the NHA. I swear there’ll never be any escape! There’s always gonna be one thing after another.

Last night at midnight I asked them to keep it down. It didn’t work. I pounded the wall once, then at 1 AM, they went to sleep. At 8:00 yesterday morning I called Mary downstairs who’d thought what I thought - that she was moving. She said they kept her up late, driving her crazy. She said they began the same thing an hour ago at 7:30. I told her how many kids were there and that my speaking to them twice never worked. I also told her one of the boys (they were all boys) said they’d be there all week. No fucking way. Mary insisted at first that Andi was out as her truck was gone. Yet she’d been there the whole time and we didn’t know it yet. Mary said someone in her huge family must have a house, so why don’t they go there, rather than in a tiny studio? Good question. Then she said, “Nothing against the Mexicans and their huge families, but where there’s 1, there are 50.”

No shit! Then, with me on the line listening quietly, she called the office. She said she was sick, and she really was and needed her rest. She needs to go to work, so they better do something if they want her to go to work so she can pay the rent. Paula had answered and she said something about getting a letter up to them.

After Mary spoke to Paula, she and I ran to Circle K where I picked up 2 packs of cigarettes, 3 candy bars, a pack of gum and some milk. I returned to them slamming and banging and I called Paula. I told her how many people were there and how they went on the previous night. I also told her I was considering breaking my lease and looking for a place elsewhere. There have been too many problems here, but I’m sick of being woken up. The complex is beautiful and so aren’t the apartments, but the walls are too thin. No, they’re nowhere near as thin as the NHA, but still too thin. The thickest walls were the Woodside Terrace and Oswego Street buildings. I miss walls like that. I can only deal with a little outside noise at this point. I hate it when the kids scream, but at least you can’t feel that. I just turn on my radio, even though there are times when I want total quiet. At least there is a way out of hearing the kids by turning on the radio, but there’s no escaping all those bumps and bangs you can feel. Kara said you wouldn’t hear this if it were at her complex. Maybe her walls are thicker due to how cheap her electric bills are. When I was at her place for Turkey Day, she had her heat turned off and it was a furnace in there.

Later…

Continuing and hopefully finishing next door’s story - I spoke to Paula once and Mary spoke to her twice. After Mary called for the third time, believe it or not, it was Stacey who went to talk to them. I stood by my door listening. She said she had way too many people and there were many complaints. Also, to stop slamming and banging, and no jumping on sofas. Andi bullshitted her in defense by saying she understands, but that I do it too, which is total BS, naturally. I could have sworn I heard Stacey say she understands my situation, whatever she means by that. I heard Andi say they were leaving tomorrow (today) and I knew they’d shut up only temporarily. I knew this about as well as I knew my luck would run out after sleeping well for 4 days.

So, I got those Boston zip codes from Andy and I mailed my mail. I watched some talk shows on TV and their noise subsided not completely, but somewhat. I figured, with kids being kids, it’d have to start back up sooner or later.

I fell asleep at 1:30 PM. Sure enough at 7 PM, they were ready to tear the walls down. I went outside and kicked their door and screamed at them, I was so pissed. I’m ready to rip the shit out of this bitch and I’ll do it right in front of the kids, too! Maybe that would set an example for them and teach them a little lesson or two.

I felt shitty, but it could’ve been worse. I blasted the shit out of my stereo to drown them out till 8:30. They still wouldn’t shut up, so I turned it on again till 9:15 or so. Finally, at 10:30 I realized they just didn’t get it and only gave a damn about themselves. Some folks have no consideration whatsoever and I’ve never ever had a problem with her or with noise from her before, but this just did not cut it. My last resort was to call the cops. I did and it worked.

Now for the surprising part. Once I’m woken up it’s usually hard to fall back asleep. Especially at night with me being a night person. But I did at almost 11 PM. Around midnight there was a big bang (their grand finale), and luckily, as quickly as I began fuming, I fell back asleep till almost 3 AM.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 28, 1992 Yesterday afternoon I fell asleep around 1:00. I awoke at 8:30 on my own, but still, I knew my luck would run out. Andi next door has a very large family, which I noticed last summer. Well, she’s got 10-15 boys over there now! They’re around junior high to high school ages. This is just great. School doesn’t start till next Monday and I hope and I pray they won’t be here that long or I’ll die. Tomorrow, late morning or early afternoon, I’m sure I can count on being woken up constantly. Doesn’t Andi still have to work? What will they all do while she’s gone? How long will they all be here?

Well, I got my period and luckily I don’t have cramps.

Right now it is raining out. I hope the letter I stuck in the mailbox earlier to Kim didn’t get drenched. In this particular mailbox, the rain can easily get in. I also put Robert’s note on top of the mailboxes and I hope that’s not drenched and that the wind didn’t blow it away.

Shortly after I got up, Kara came over.

I also spoke to Randy who gave me the TV Time section. He’s been really sick.

I hope Dennis doesn’t move real soon. I’ll call him today or tomorrow and see what he’s up to. Also, maybe we can do errands together.

Andy called one of the Boston hospitals. I asked for the zip codes for both hospitals and tomorrow I’ll mail in all the information to Dr. Kareus. I’ve also signed the release of information papers. Tomorrow I’ll sew a torn pocket in a pair of Andy’s pants to return the favor. Of course, I’d still do it anyway just to help a friend.

I wonder if I’ll get Tammy’s package this week.

I just hope and pray to God to get rid of Andi’s many many many guests tomorrow before I go to sleep. However, I’m sure that’s wishful thinking and dreaming. With my luck, they’ll be here a few days at least, if not till next Monday. I knew my luck had to run out sooner or later. But if Andi’s got to work, I can’t see her leaving 10-15 kids here all by themselves even though they’re not little kids.

God, just make them disappear tomorrow! Poor Mary. She must be having a blast having to be underneath this shit.

Kara says there are still eggshells on Rosemarie’s car, even though it’s pouring steadily out there. Kara and Andy say it takes 2-3 years for eggs to wear off. Unless she gets it professionally cleaned. I believe she can afford to do so, too. Andy and I know it takes a long time for eggs to wear off cuz of about two years ago. We were out throwing eggs when I threw one so hard that it bounced back and splattered a little on the passenger’s door.

Later…

I can still hear some movement next door. The sad part about it is that I can’t call the office about it. They won’t do anything about it as the only way to shut kids up (especially 10-15 of them) is to totally get rid of them. Plus, they’ll only tell me she’s allowed to have company like anyone else is. But 10-15 guests? I just wish I knew they’d be leaving permanently tomorrow morning. That’d sure ease my mind, but I doubt I’ll be that lucky. Why does shit like this always have to happen to me?

I also can’t wait for whoever it’ll be to move downstairs. That oughta be one hell of a blast.

If Dennis is to be here January 23-26, I will have to see if I can stay at his place to avoid listening to and feeling Andy’s nephew bounce off the walls.

So, Nervous did rip me off after all. It’s a good thing I already have copies of the ones I sent him. This is why I first did this as a test. Now I know never to send him pictures I have no copies of. If he’d sent them back, I would’ve sent them to Bob, but if Bob comes here or sees Kim’s copies, I’ll send them to Fran. When and if Kim sends back the negatives, and I believe she will, I’ll still send those to Nervous. Whether or not he develops them is a different story. He probably will out of curiosity, but if he does, he does and if he doesn’t, he doesn’t.

I wonder if he’s still not smoking. It’s been almost 3 days for Andy, that lucky little shit.

I wonder just when my mom is gonna send me my other guitar. I’m not ever counting on seeing all my other pictures that ended up in Florida. However, I won’t yet dump the part of my collection that made it out here. When I do, though, I’ll only dump part of it.

Later…

If the rain continues, I wonder if the people that mow the lawn will call it off, but last week I cranked up my radio and slept right through it.

A great time for my family to come and see me would be late May or early June before my lease is up. This way they can see my studio if I do move on June 10th or 15th when it expires. There are no models for studios. There’s a model for the large and small 1-bedroom and for the 2-bedroom. Is there one for the medium size 1-bedroom, I do not know. I’d love for Mom, Dad, and Tammy to see these models. Not the small 1-bedroom, though. It’s barely bigger than a studio. I may only be able to afford the 1-bedroom over at the Via El Camino complex where Kara is. I’d really rather stay here and find a way to convince my parents to up their monthly help a bit. If they could see in person how much more beautiful this complex is and their 1-bedrooms, maybe that’ll work. I really really do need that extra space. I especially need its closet. It would make my day if they’d turn the studio below me into a model. They’d put furniture in it too, making it less hollow. Sounds would be absorbed much better this way. This is why Andy can’t hear my TV unless he’s in his bathroom. Not that TVs bother me like slamming, sliding, and banging, but I can never hear his TV either unless I go into my bathroom.

In 1993 I hope to be in a bigger apartment!

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 27, 1992 Yesterday I turned out to be pretty productive. I wrote letters to my parents, Tammy, Lisa and Becky and Fran.

I junked the bed frame I put out on the patio. I really don’t need it and with me being so small I can handle the bed being a little lower.

I scrubbed the hell out of the kitchen. No wiping around things, either. I took everything off the countertops. I wanted and still need to do the whole place, but I was getting way too tired and dizzy.

I fell asleep at noon, woke up shortly at 6:00, heard him stomp a few times, then I finally got up at 9:00.

Fran called at 10:15 and we spoke for about 15 minutes.

I just finished Kim’s letter tonight. Next, I’ll work on Fran’s and Nervous’. Bob will only be getting one more letter since he claims to be leaving soon. I’ll send it right after the New Year. I typed up several envelopes last night. There are about 9 for Tammy, 9 for Becky and Lisa and 9 for mom and dad. There are also 6 for Fran, 6 for Nervous and 6 for Kim. I think stamps are going up, but even if they stay at 29 cents, it’s costly and it does add up. I won’t stop writing permanently to them, but I’ll slow down quite a bit. I’ll explain this to Kim, but not Nervo and Fran. I’ll keep them expecting and wondering with shock why they’re not getting all their letters. I’ll write to my family as often as I do now.

I’m still doing a little something for Tammy, Mom and Dad. I’ve got colored paper, which is about 4x6, and I’m making calendars. I’m making myself one, too, as I had this tiny little microscopic calendar I didn’t like. I could barely see it yet my eyes are fine. So, I have my teddy bear calendar on my refrigerator and the ones I made taped to my bedroom wall. Actually, I’m typing them. I can fit 4 months on one piece of paper. So there will be 3 pieces to each calendar.

Time out for a smoke.

Later…

Well, Andy quit smoking for 27 hours, he had told me on my machine in the early evening. I am to try to follow when I run out of cigarettes, which will be very soon. I’ve decided to take the healthier misery and always crave one and get fat. I’d also like to get off the Theo due to its side effects, even though they’re a joke compared to the Navane. Anything’s better than TD, but it causes dry skin, hair and nails. Makes my stomach gassy and bloated and it revs me up way more than I naturally already am. I have my own natural source of energy. Quitting smoking and getting off my meds won’t always keep me on a schedule, but it’ll help a little. The cravings will suck and I’m sure they’ll never go away. You get constipated for a while, retain water and your metabolism drops. This is why they say to drink lots of water. I’ll die by 30 for sure if I don’t quit and I wrote up a list of the + and the – to quitting. The positives are: I’d breathe better, sing better, save money, improve my immune system, get off meds and rid of bad side effects. The negs are the cravings and the weight gain.

Later…

I just made some coffee and emptied the dishwasher.

I put together a list of 15 exercises for each of the major muscle groups.

In a few hours, I really must finish the house cleaning which I got so sick of. I’m not into it like I used to be, but it needs to be done. My asthma and allergies will appreciate it. I must do the bathroom, dust and vacuum.

Kara’s mom is returning from Williams (a 4-season area). She is fighting with her boyfriend. So, now it’ll be Kara, Ashley and Kara’s mom and stepdad.

I’m a little disappointed in Kara’s mom Alana. The phone is in Alana’s name and I asked Kara to ask her if she could call Boston for their zip codes to the hospital. I’d pay, of course, but Alana said no. Can’t she trust her daughter’s friends? Plus, I did her a favor for their Thanksgiving dinner. I lent her two bowls, so she could’ve returned the simple little favor, which would’ve been under a buck.

Well, since Tammy said she liked the last joke I sent her, she oughta enjoy this one too. I told her that if anyone ever asks her how her sex life with Bill is, she can say this:

Quarter after 1, we’re having some fun in the bedroom.

Quarter after 2, he took off my shoe.

Quarter after 3, he put his hand on my knee.

Quarter after 4, he threw me on the floor.

Quarter after 5, we began to jive.

Quarter after 6, he grabbed my tits.

Quarter after 7, it felt like heaven.

Quarter after 8, he stuck it up straight.

Quarter after 9, we are doin’ fine.

Quarter after 10, we do it all again.

Well, Rosemarie must be pretty pissed right now. Also, wondering who the fuck could’ve egged her precious little car. I still expect punishment for this, but it hasn’t come yet. I’m about to get my period so I hope it won’t be bad cramps. Although, some things could be much much worse. Maybe she’s owed more than payback for pissing me off and God’s having me punish her? Who knows? Time will tell. I think she knows I moved, but of course, not where to. She heard me telling someone on the payphone I was about to move, so she may not even know I’m still at this complex. Maybe she’s seen me hang out with Ellie last summer and asked her, but I’m not really worried about it now. She’s an asshole and a half, although I still very occasionally fantasize about her. About every 2-3 months, I have sex with her in my mind, but she doesn’t know it. In this fantasy, she’s left Rick. I transfer to a 1-bedroom right next to her. Eventually, we speak and yes, it was paranoia caused by Rick. Also, her own private little fantasies kept in the closet. But in time, little by little, I bring her out of that closet.

These fantasies will always be the story of my life. The sex stories of my life, I should say. I do know now and am 100% sure I’ll always be celibate unless I settle. As for Kara, well, I still don’t know yet.

Later…

I am getting very tired. Soon, I’ll be going to bed and praying that Andy doesn’t wake me up.

I cleaned everything but the bathroom. Tomorrow I’ll do that. Cleaning this place sure doesn’t take long cuz it’s so small and I only have 10 shelves for furniture to dust. I do dust the stuff on the shelves. I did that a little while ago along with vacuuming the carpet. Tomorrow I’ll do the bathroom and vacuum that floor and the kitchen floor. Of course, they both take 3 minutes each.

As I said a while back, I changed my mind on my suspect for the firecrackers. At first, due to the timing and coincidence, I thought it was Stacey. It still very well could be, but I think it’s more like something Robert would do.

I took a piece of plain paper and wrote in bold capital letters, “I know about the firecrackers.” I put it in a regular envelope and wrote only his address and name in bold black marker. I put it on top of the mailboxes. So, if it’s him, and I’m fairly sure it is, I’d like him to know that I know.

A guy who lives in the building next to me gave me a couple of smokes as I couldn’t hold out. Kara came over with Ashley and she gave me a couple too. This is good as I really need to at least cut down first. I couldn’t have her stay long as I’m beat. I couldn’t stand it when Ashley screamed, so I was anxious to get her out of here.

I told her to check out Rosemarie’s car and she says it looks like she hasn’t discovered it yet. Guess she’s stayed in all weekend.

Due to being blessed with being able to wake up when I do so on my own for the last 3 days, I hope this doesn’t mean I now must wake up when Andy slams his door too hard. Or gets out of control with stomping. Or by someone else’s door. About 70% of the time in the last year I’ve been woken up by someone or something. When’s it gonna stop? When can I depend on not being woken up 90% of the time? In a week’s time, I’ve been woken up between 2-6 times. I’m sick of this shit. So sick of it!

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 26, 1992 I am so damn bored right now. I have plenty, which I could do, but I just don’t feel like it at the moment. I have those stories to start, editing to do, a new Gloria medley to make, and coloring my velvet posters. My letter writing can hold off till after the first of the year.

Andy called me at 6:30 this morning. I answered as I was awake and had my ringer on. He was on his way to work and saying how more and more he needs and wants to quit smoking.

At 8:00 or 9:00 this morning, I fell asleep and thankfully I awoke on my own at almost 6:00 this evening. The weird thing is that I haven’t heard him even quietly walking around. Not a peep. Not even his toilet flushing since I awoke and there’s no way you can not hear that. Toilets flushing doesn’t bother me, but where could he be?

Yesterday Bob and Fran left messages, but no word from them yet. They’ll try again when I’ve stepped out or I turn off my ringer or am asleep.

Last night I continued reading back in my journals. I read number 5, which wasn’t too bad. Some of it was interesting and funny, but I sure was naïve. I guess soon I’ll start reading number 6.

I’m sure Rosemarie discovered her egged car by now. Serves you right, bitch!

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 25, 1992 The last few days were not too cool. Especially the first 4 days of the week, but they’re better today.

I had my second fight with Andy since I got here. He told me that for 4 days at the end of January, his sister and nephew are gonna be here. I called and said on his machine that I was gonna try to find a place to stay. I don’t really feel like staying here and listening to a 4-year-old kid bounce off the walls whether I’m awake or not. That part was OK for me to say, but then I’ll admit my anxieties took me a little too far. I told him that if I went through 4 days of hell, I’d get him back for it. In my mind, getting back meant slamming my doors and banging shit all over. He called me, and naturally, he was all pissed and freaking out with paranoia and demanded his key back. He said, “Either get evicted or give me my key back.” I laughed, reminding him he can’t just run to the office, say he’s pissed at me, and demand I be evicted. The key thing was amusing too, as he’s known me long enough and he knows well enough to know I’d never fuck up his place. With the exception of Ellie who was never my best friend and who did a severely raunchy thing, I have to be seriously provoked to do something that drastic. Or one would have to swing at me first or go after my stuff. He knows this very well, but it was something to do and to try to piss me off, but I knew where he was coming from. So he said banging and slamming things wouldn’t accomplish anything, and he can’t help the way his nephew is.

So I figured OK, he’s right about that part, we all say stuff we shouldn’t or didn’t really mean, I went too far, let him call me when he’s ready. So the next day I finished editing the second and 100-minute tape of his. I left a message saying I was gonna leave his unfucked up tape outside his door and I did. I returned his key the previous day.

I figured he would never call for me to do his laundry. If he did, I’d have let him know how much of a nerve he’s got. If he can’t trust me in his apartment, how can he trust me with his laundry? He did do his own laundry, then the final straw and the last shit to hit the fan was the next day, which would be yesterday. I stayed up till noon, so I could sleep later. I needed to sleep until 8 PM at least. Sure enough, though, at 5 PM he was slamming the fuck away in his bathroom. That was it. I was ripped shitting pissed. My heart was beating so hard and so fast. I was so damn exhausted and I felt like total shit.

I left him a message as he’d not dare ever leave his ringer on. I told him I started the first little dispute, but this one he instigated. I don’t know what the fuck set him off, I said, but as long as he was to play this game, I’d play right along.

Kara came over and I was telling her all about it, then I slammed my doors for quite a while. After he’d gone to sleep, I was gonna slam my doors but figured he’d have a hard enough of a time sleeping cuz of the anxiety of wondering if I was gonna slam doors. I stopped the door slamming around 10:00 and figured that was maybe enough to scare the message into him.

I then called to leave another message. I told him I cannot physically handle the stress anymore and that I need to sleep. If he lays off of me, I’ll lay off of him.

So earlier (Christmas Eve) we spoke. I asked if he remembered our agreement, which was that neither of us would wake the other up if we got into a fight. He also told me slamming doors wouldn’t accomplish anything, so why does it accomplish anything for him? Especially after two days, you’d think the steam would be cooling off. I apologized for some things I said, but let him know that what he did wouldn’t cut it as I have a major sleeping disorder. I’m hyper and my meds make it worse. It accelerates my heart making me a light sleeper along with being scarred from the projects. I used to be able to function occasionally on a few hours of sleep, but I just can’t do that anymore without feeling shitty. I told him, though, that now knowing how the building is, I would always be a day person if I had my way. Thank fucking God the building’s not like the NHA.

Andy was telling me how everywhere I’ve gone, there’s been a problem. True, but that’s life. Every living place and job has its good and bad. Some more good, some more bad, some all good, some all bad. I’m also beginning to suspect that God may’ve put a curse on me as far as noise and shit neighbors go, beginning with the NHA. Nonetheless, it never was my fault that Woodside Terrace and Locust St. got so bad. It never was my fault Kim abandoned me. It never was my fault Tammy and I were told the NHA was quiet. It was never my fault the walls of the NHA were paper-thin and it was infested outside with 10,000 screaming kids.

I reminded him that there’s always a problem at each of his jobs. He had problems with the people up above him on Belmont Ave. in Springfield He had problems renting a room with some woman named Gail. He had problems with Donna and Diana and other people when he first got here. In his first apartment here the neighbors below him bitched about his nephew. And besides me, he’s had problems and complaints about this building. The people that used to live next to him and Rachel and Tony always slamming their doors. Whether or not all these problems were none, partially, or all his fault, this is just life.

So I said all I had to say and told him I didn’t feel like fighting with him or anyone else for that matter. He agreed and we dropped it.

Later…

At around 9 AM yesterday morning I went to get a package from Fingerhut I’d forgotten all about. It was full of Tupperware and it also had a key rack that I already got from them when I was in S. Dfld.

Andy came over at 8:30, an hour and a half after I got up, and I gave him the key rack and some Tupperware. Then at 9:30 Kara came over and I gave her some more Tupperware as I definitely don’t need all of it. She brought me some hangers. While she was here we filled out no-postage-necessary cards to Nervous, Fran, Bob and Bobbie. We also listened to tapes, ate popcorn, and she wrote a page to Fran. I can’t wait for the two of them to talk on the phone. Fran and Kara will love it and have a field day with each other.

I’m so glad to have met a friend other than Andy who’s so much like me. I can be myself and Kara loves the tapes of both the edits and convos. She knows all our major “lines” now and now she’s writing funny letters with me. You always think when you first move somewhere how you must start all over. Get a new group of friends. Friends who are honest and understanding and have that same weird sense of humor and let you be yourself. Of course, you still meet 10 jerks for every good person you meet.

Speaking of a jerk named Rosemarie, well pay back’s due. I figured I’d wait 5-6 months so as to appear less obvious and egg her car. On her way home, Kara dropped an egg on her windshield. Now, I’m sure to be punished for this, but then again I don’t know. It’s been a year now almost since I could sleep and get up when I say so and things go wrong even if I behave. And I’ve never been more behaved than I am now for a long time. No phone calls.

To change the subject now, I still have that fucking annoying and itchy discharge from downstairs. I give up as I’ve no idea what the fuck to do. It’s incurable.

I’m surprised I haven’t heard from Jessie or Cassandra, but not surprised I haven’t heard from Steve. No pictures yet from Nervous or from mom. I’m sure now, they both trashed them. Fran left a message earlier saying Happy Chanukah and that he is gonna be sending me a letter. Great! Fan-fucking-tastic! Just what I’ve been dying for. With all the letters I send him, it’s only fair. I figured sooner or later he’d get into it, too. Bob also left me his “liquid plumber cappuccino” message. Back when he’d threaten to kill himself with lye, I’d tell him he better make it a liquid plumber cappuccino.

I’m gonna leave a thank you note to Pete the mailman. Stacey refused packages in other names out of spite. Thanks to Pete he left a package two days ago by my door in Lisa S’s name. So, Stacey doesn’t realize that in a way she’s done me a favor. Some will be delivered right to my door.

The package was a porcelain doll, anyway. It’s pretty, even though it’s made up to be old-fashioned. It’s a girl in a light blue nightgown holding a teddy bear. There’s a matching bonnet on her head and she’s got green eyes with blond curly hair. Stevie hair, Andy said.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 21, 1992 An hour ago I began to feel tired, but as usual, I laid down only to wake up.

I wonder what maintenance will decide to do downstairs tomorrow.

I’m fucked at the end of this month. Andy’s sister Marla is coming in for 4 days, which is fine. The bad catch to it is her 4-year-old son has to come along too, unfortunately. I’m gonna tell Andy he has a right to his own company, but it better not interfere with my peace. His guests are for his ears only.

Kara would let me stay with her, but I can’t. How can I sleep with a baby there, let alone 3 adults?

I also made a rule that anyone who wakes me up is gonna get woken up in return. No matter what schedule they’re on or I’m on. I got a right to my schedule as they do theirs.

Unless I get a package, I hope and pray I sleep OK this week.

Kara’s been over several times a week. Our friendship’s really grown and is a very good one. She’s heard lots of tapes of edits and convos and they really crack her up. She’s so much like me and Andy and I really need that. More so now as Andy’s on a day schedule always and works full-time.

I’ve edited Kara a little and Andy did a very funny favor for her the other day. He called Brian, a guy she slept with a few times, but turned out to be a flaky, undependable drunk. He hit on Brian who went off big time with another male and female friend. Before he did this I left some edits for him. Kara and I didn’t know the girl’s name and with all the names to guess, I said Rachel, which turned out to really be her name.

Kara met Tonya earlier. I called Tonya for some cigarettes when I woke up. I went over to get them and we chatted for a while. Then, I gave her money to pick me up two packs of smokes on her way back from the gym. Tonya also came over here today as I wanted to show her this killer outfit I got at the mall. I also wanted to show her the new chair I got, my plant that Mom and Dad sent and that wicker jug of silk flowers Jeff gave me. I also showed her my pictures that Tammy sent me back and basically my place, which has come a long way since I’ve been here.

I’d still kill for a 1-bedroom. I need the extra space (especially closet space).

I got that black lace skirt I wanted for some time now. It’s got a solid black silk lining inside, then lace on the outside. I like this so I don’t have to wear my black tights under it as I did with my all-lace skirt. I also bought an awesome camisole, which is pink and black.

I got a full-length mirror and a chair that’s not a regular chair from the thrift shop. It’s a round saucer-like thing on a wicker stand. There’s a soft round cushion on it and you can even pull it off to lay on the floor or whatever. It was priced at $40, but I talked the guy down to $20. Andy once again said that if he needs to buy anything expensive, he’s sending me in there.

I also donated all my 45s and albums. I better tape backup copies in case the originals get eaten up.

I’m not sure if I mentioned the glitter glue I got at the grocery store. I thought it was a glitter pen and it said, “glitter pen.”

My parents called a few days ago and I told them how much I loved their cards. We talked about stuff in general, but I did not tell them about my attack. I told Tammy who called a few days after they did. Tammy and everyone else in the family have been very busy. She said they’re putting together a Chanukah package for me. That’s unexpected but nice. She also said she got a kick out of my joke in one of my letters. This is the joke:

Q: What do lesbians on a diet eat? A: Jenny Craig.

She asked me what Mom and Dad said when I told them I got a phone. I wonder why she asked me that, but I didn’t think to ask her. She liked the picture I sent her.

I wonder if Mom and Dad got the package I sent them with the geeky grandma clothes they sent down to my other apartment They never mentioned it and I forgot to ask. There’s always so much to tell and ask that it’s hard to keep track of everything. I do usually write notes, which I refer to when I write their letters.

Tonya and Tara are going home to Canyon City, Colorado for Christmas and she said she may need me to feed her two birds. It’d be nice if they were gone while Andy’s sister and nephew are here so I could stay there.

I polished my nails blue last night. My parent’s favorite! Kara saw it and she really liked it, so I did hers, too.

I wonder just what’s taking Nervous so long to send me back my pictures? I’ve always been able to trust him around my stuff. With money and anything. There’s only one thing I’m pretty sure he stole and that’s a pair of black bikini underwear. Brenda, I think, also stole two pairs and one of them she’d always say she liked. Luckily that’s all she stole.

Later…

I wish to hell it was summer again. I miss the outdoors, the pool and living on my patio. It feels like I’m back in MA during the night and early morning. They did say it’s “amazingly cool,” so that’s cool. It’s normally not this chilly, but I’m shocked just like Andy was his first winter here. Right after the heat turns off it’s chilly in here. Like my dad said, where he is it’s the warmest in the nation. The good thing about it is that it won’t be long before it warms up again. Winter will be about 4 months, rather than 8-9.

I just hope I can tan somehow and not get sun poisoning. If I always have to wear sunscreen, I’ll be forever cursed with being white. You can’t tan with sunscreen. Another reason why I want summer to hurry up and return is due to the fact that my asthma should be much better. Since mid-Oct. it’s been bad for all asthmatics.

I can’t wait till my family can come see me. Dad said maybe in the summer. I told him he’d have to stay in a hotel. He agreed as they’ll have the dogs. I figured they’d drive out, rather than fly. I wonder how Tammy, Bill and the girls will get out here? I guess they’ll fly. I figure they can’t take the added days to drive. Unless Tammy and Bill want to experience it for themselves and especially the girls. This way, they can all see more states besides Arizona.

Later…

Well, I’m still wide awake, naturally. If I fall asleep around 6:00, believe it or not, I hope something does wake me up at 11:00 or so. I’d just have to stay up and hope I don’t feel shitty. If I can back up my schedule a few hours each day, that’d be nice. I’d kind of like to be waking up early for a while so I can do more during the day. Maintenance or some other source will wake me up. Probably the lawnmowers. It’d be nice to get woken up by UPS at 11:00, but they usually don’t come that early. I’m not expecting any packages so soon, anyway.

Well, it’s going to be 62º today. The days are usually like beautiful spring days.

The day maintenance was here which was the day after my attack, I gave a few donations to the child protective services and food bank. All the maintenance guys, the housekeeper, Judy, Paula and Stacey were out collecting stuff. I felt it fair to do my share for two reasons. One was cuz my childhood was no bowl of cherries, two is cuz that food bank helped me while the food stamp people were busy taking me for a ride at first. I gave some extra drawing markers and some baked beans, which I don’t really like.

Before doing so, I heard movement outside my door and when I went out to check there was a candy cane on my doorknob. Then, I saw Everett and the housekeeper (whose name I don’t know) passing by with a shopping cart. Everett said he thought I was still asleep. I said I wish.

I should go wash my face, which is severely broken out now. I mean major zits.

I’ve done a lot of editing and gave Andy back one of his 100-minute tapes. I have half of one side of the second 100-minute tape to do. I also have his “best of calls” tape I promised long ago I’d edit. Lastly, I have several of my own to finally get edited.

Then I have two posters to color, letters to write and four 40-page stories to write. I’ll be busy with all this for quite a while, but it’s better than not having anything to do. Still, I need more than journal writing and letter writing.

Oh yeah. I just remembered another long put-off and forgotten project. A new Gloria medley, now that I’ve got all her stuff on CDs. I still don’t have her Greatest Hits yet, but I will. I wish I had Linda’s latest and all the songbooks ever put out of Linda and Gloria and all their tour books that were ever made.

I want my fucking pictures back. Why would my mom ditch them? What purpose is there for that? Cuz she thought to have them was childish or something? Well, that should be for me to decide and not her. They were my pictures.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 20, 1992 Now I will finish my updating on all that has been going on. Remember how I said I sent $23.95 to the Bedazzeler? Well, my check’s been lost in the mail somehow. That was this kit with colored stones that you staple onto your clothes. Tammy made a good suggestion, though. She said to look for it in an art store where I may save $5 or so.

Good God, I’m fucking freezing! Two seconds after the heat turns off it’s so chilly in here. The day Gordy fixed my hot water tank, he put foam installation around my doorframe. Look how much it helps.

I’ve written several letters, but I still have more to go. Last night I did some more editing. They were good, too. They were of Nervous. I’ve got many other people and many other tapes to edit, but I must go in order so I don’t get confused and get everything all mixed up.

I was pissed at Andy for erasing the 6 messages with edits I left him. He said he doesn’t have time in the morning to hear 20 minutes’ worth of stuff. No shit, but why didn’t he save it?

I’ve been erasing certain messages he’s left but for entirely different reasons. He sings on my machine, which is fine once in a while, but when it’s constant I get sick of it. It’s boring and he’s got to come up with something new and original, or just talk. The edits are always different. I never leave him the same edits over and over. His singing’s always the same and it’s the same Stevie stuff, stuff I don’t like, or stuff I don’t know.

I’m not too surprised that Steve never returned my letter or called. I am a little surprised that Cassandra has never called or written.

I’ve seen Dennis a few times since Bea died. He’s holding up OK. He’s not sure if he’s gonna stay in Phoenix or move elsewhere.

I haven’t written yet about December 6th. I looked in the Sunday paper and there was the perfect ad. It said, “Indoor, all black, neutered & declawed cat - free to good home. Shots, papers, litter box trained, 4½ years old.”

Me and Dennis went to this gorgeous girl’s house to get the cat. He was gorgeous. All black with medium-length hair. Now here’s the sad part. He turned out to be just like that little kitten I had to dump. He’d sleep all day, be all lovey-dovey through the evening, then scream from midnight till dawn. It drove me crazy and kept me up when I would’ve been able to sleep. Luckily, I was able to call this girl (Julie) and she came to take the cat back. I figured 3 strikes, I’m out and a cat isn’t meant to be right now. Moon Shadow was stolen, the kitten screamed all night and this cat did, too. I can’t have an indoor or outdoor cat. The outdoor one will be stolen and the indoor one will scream.

Later…

I just took a little break to make 3 scrambled eggs. Yum-yum and great for the cholesterol. But I’ve never had a problem with that so far. I’m cursed with other stuff.

Well, I know the security guard’s patrolling around as I just heard the walkie-talkie. I wish Dave were still here, but he’s been promoted. Weird too, as he was definitely drinking on the job.

I sure don’t miss Ellie. Despite the few good and funny talks and laughs we had, she sure was a backstabbing, delusional wimp and a psycho. She always has 10 emotional and 10 physical problems a day like Bob, but at least Bob’s no backstabber. Bob also isn’t sweet, friendly and giggling one minute, then furious the next over something pretty or something untrue. She, Robert, Mark, Donna, Rosemarie and Rick can all go fuck themselves.

So far, Stacey’s stayed off my back since she pulled her bullshit on me. But there’s been more anxiety and anger hanging around than I thought there’d be. Every day I drool over the thought of running into that office and mauling the shit out of her. Every day I must restrain myself from doing so. At first, I decided I would whenever I moved if she were still here. But I can’t cuz she can always find out where I moved to and haul my ass into court. Bummer, huh? But an asshole like this is bound to be fired or resign, hopefully, upon realizing just how many people she’s pissed off.

I was thinking of having Kara do me a little favor. Stacey’s never heard Kara’s voice so maybe she can call and say, “I just spoke to your boss. Me and my husband are tired of your harassment, so pack up your desk cuz you’re about to be out of a job.” She’ll be worried and confused, trying to figure out who the hell it could be.

At least I’ve never had problems with Judy or Paula.

The asthma attack was the worst news. Now I’ll get to the one other thing that wasn’t funny at all. I had gone into the hospital at 12:30 PM and come home around 6 PM. Even though I was beat and a major attack like that will wipe you out, I couldn’t sleep due to all the meds they gave me. Theodur and all the other stuff really winds you up. I couldn’t fall asleep till 4 AM, but I figured that was fine cuz I had no place I had to be the next day. I had a feeling for some time now that I’m just not meant to sleep half the time when I want to and get up when I want. I said, “God, if you care about me at all, please let me get the sleep I so desperately need.” Sure enough, at 10:30 AM Everett knocked on my door. I said, “This better be good,” and I explained to him what happened the previous day. He said there may be a leak in my toilet or an overflow system in the bathtub. I insisted there was no leak and that my floor in the bathroom was dry. He left and every 15 minutes till 2 PM they were banging the fuck out of the bathroom ceiling below me. At 12:30 PM Mike came up saying the wax ring broke and I couldn’t see the leak as it was between my floor and the downstairs ceiling. He said he’d be back at 2 PM and before he explained all this I went off on him. I said I didn’t want them guys here unless I filled out a work order.

The attack happened on the 15th. This happened on the 16th. At 2 PM, the knock on the door came that I so unfortunately expected. Guess who Mike and Everett had escorting them? None other than sweet little Stacey. When I opened the door they were standing halfway down the stairs just like Ellie was. If I’d been more with it I’d have fallen to the floor laughing. Stacey just said, “Hi, Jodi.”

I told them all what had happened to me, Stacey left, the guys did their thing, then left me the fuck alone. Leave it to God to leave it to me to have this happen on a day when I feel the absolute shittiest.

The next night I also fell asleep at 4 AM fearing I’d be woken up at 8 AM and get sick or feel like shit. They didn’t wake me up till 1 PM when they slammed or banged something. At least they let me sleep 9 hours even though I woke up here and there in between but I always do anyway. Friday, Saturday and today nothing woke me up. Maybe I’ll sleep OK this week, then with my luck it’ll be one thing after another the next week and it’ll just go back and forth like that.

Why do I have a feeling that all they’re doing down there isn’t all legit problems? I feel that after they’ve taken care of legit stuff, they’ll be down there anyway. Per orders of Stacey when they’re not busy with legit stuff. This is perfect for her to use against me with nothing I can do about it. She knows my schedule and a lot of my moves, remember? Even though Kara and I combed these vents and found nothing, people are weird. I wouldn’t be surprised if she set something up without my knowledge as technology’s amazing and a little frightening these days. If they have the money, means, manpower and curiosity, you never do know just how far people will go. There was once a time Gordy knocked 4 times. I never answered cuz I didn’t know who the hell it was and he woke me up and I was bushed. Then 15 minutes later he knocked again and yelled, “Hey, Jodi are you in there? It’s Gordy.” It was all as if he was so sure I was in there. How’d he know? They’ve seen me up and about at all different hours and leaving the property. How’d he know I wasn’t out?

Later…

I just stopped to make coffee and Andy called a half-hour ago to say good night.

There were 3 Christmas cards on top of the mailboxes with no apartment number on them. One day Andy took two and the next day I took one. They were addressed to some guy. Two were from Houston and one was from Phoenix. I’m sending them to Nervous. I don’t understand why Pete left them on top of the mailbox just cuz there was no apartment number. I’ve gotten mail with no apartment number put in my box. I also got returned to me a letter I sent Nerv saying there was 10¢ postage due cuz of irregular size. Irregular size my ass. I’ve sent thicker envelopes before. The other 5 made it to him OK I guess. There was a total of 6, believe it or not. There were tons of cards and letters and I could only put 2 to 3 in each envelope.

I’ve decided what I’m gonna do if my pictures don’t come when my guitar comes. This will hurt for a while, but I’m gonna ditch certain pictures. I really do believe now, that my mom trashed them. That really pisses me off, but maybe it can become a favor for me in a weird way I won’t get into now.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 19, 1992 I have a million things to write about. I may as well get on with it now. The longer I put it off the more I’ll have to update. The little things, I may forget. Out of all I have to write about, there’s only one horrible thing. Well, two actually. Last Tuesday I awoke to maintenance slamming the door below me. This was the only time it was a big favor as I was wheezing very badly. I figured, “OK - I’m in Arizona. I’ll be fine after I’ve taken my meds and had coffee.” But no fucking way. I knew this attack was too much for me to fight. From the time I called 911 till the ambulance came, I thought I was gonna die. It was horrible and scary as all hell. They gave me an updraft and brought me to St. Joe’s, which was 20 minutes away. I never realized it was that far.

I was so mad, upset and frustrated. I had gone all this time since I was taken into Natchaug.

The previous night at 3 AM, Rachel had the ambulance here. She probably had an anxiety attack. I thought to myself, “This may be cruel, but thank God they’re not here for me.” Nine hours later I was made to eat my words. I was really bummed out, but like the nurses and doctors said, this is a very bad time for all the asthmatics. The nurse said that there’s no place where I’d never have any problems. I get that but as I told her, I was in the ER 2-3 or more times a month back east. She said she could see it being worse there, but here it’ll only be around this time of year. I sure do hope so and I actually do miss the summer.

Of all the times to need a ride, I couldn’t reach anyone. Andy was off, but he was out having work done on his car. Dennis wasn’t home and Tara was on her way to work and Tonya wasn’t home. Finally, after 5 hours I got ahold of Andy.

While I was there, I was chatting with a beautiful girl named Pam. I gave her my phone number, but I know she’ll never call. Jennifer will never call either, but I’ll get to her later.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 18, 1992 I've been slacking off on my writing and I do have a lot to write about. However, I can't get in the mood right now. Most of what's been going on isn't too good, I'm sorry to say. Maybe tomorrow, after the tenth time maintenance wakes me up from downstairs I'll write. Never have I been happier about the weekend being right around the corner. Perhaps then I can get up when I want to.

MONDAY, DECEMBER 14, 1992 I feel miserable today. I am very congested and I even took a decongestant and I’m waiting for the doctor to call. My chest and back muscles are tight and lumpy. It feels horrible.

Greg’s gonna be back any minute to fix my water tank. In the shower, I only have hot water for 5 minutes. If I shave, I only have time to shave one leg before the water turns cold. If I wash my hair, then want to shave I can’t cuz the water’s gone cold.

I still do have shit to write about, but I will some other time. I’m also pretty tired. I only slept a few hours.

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 13, 1992 I got two hilarious cards from my parents today and $120! My bills are all paid, so I’m just gonna go shopping and have fun. It’ll be quite a while before I get the chance to again. I don’t need any journals now, so I’ll buy two books of stamps, some clothes and maybe some of Linda’s old stuff on CDs. I should do this while I’ve got the chance.

Got some really cool cards from my parents. They were funny.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 12, 1992 Kara was over earlier and we had a nice chat and some laughs. Before she came over, there was a pledge drive on channel 8. Andy and I called one of the phone operators and you could see him on TV answering the phone. When he asked if he could have my pledge, I said, “No, I need my pledge to dust my furniture.” I told him we didn’t have any money and we are the very few and rare poor Jews. The guy said how much the station needed money and I said, “I need money too, so who’s gonna pledge and raise money for me?”

This reminded me of the Jerry Lewis telethon in 1989 when Andy and I lived in Springfield. I’d call operator 23, if I could see her or him, then say I was operator 18 and ask if she could see me waving. I could then see the operator looking all around. Then the host of the telethon would come on eventually saying, “There has been phone trouble and New England Telephone is checking into it.”

Later…

I hope the food stamps go up soon, but either way, they never give you enough.

Earlier Andy made us burgers, which was nice. I’ll still need to go out and spend cash on food before the 15th.

I left a note on Dennis’s door the day after Bea died. I said I was sorry, but for him to call if he needed anything. I also wrote that I wouldn’t call or go over there till he got ahold of me. I have not yet heard from him and I hope he’s doing OK.

Now I’m gonna go back to the night of my birthday. Denny’s gives a free dinner and dessert on your b-day. That’s nice, but here’s the part that’s extremely bad business. You must eat there and you can’t take your food home. A person should be able to order anything they want on their b-day as well as take their food home. We were gonna go to 2-3 Denny’s, order me dinner, have two bites of it, then take it home. The first Denny’s made me eat my dessert there, but they let me take my food to go. The second Denny’s wouldn’t let me take my food home. It was a stupid policy and I was in a rowdy mood as it was. Our waitress was no less than 6‘4” and she and the manager wouldn’t budge on the issue. Andy went up front to grab a handful of napkins so I could wrap my food, but he let her take them away. Then I got mad. I ran up to her and screamed in her face that people do use napkins and I grabbed them out of her hand. The girl looked absolutely terrified. She was scared shitless and her eyes looked as if they were gonna pop right out of her head. Then I went and sat down and began eating my cake.

The manager came up to collect my dinner and salad. I yelled that I was still eating my cake and she said, “OK, OK,” then ran from the table. When I finished half of my cake, I took mustard and poured it all over the rest of it. Then, I jammed the bottle into it. As we were leaving, the manager went to check it out and said, “Oh, thank you very much. Have a happy birthday.”

I called out, “Thank you, I will.” Me and Andy were cracking up about this all night.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 11, 1992 My show’s almost over, so I’ll be up writing for a while. I hope, though, that tomorrow I don’t sleep too late. It’s gonna be 72° so I want to lie out by the pool. I was in it today and it was like bath water and it was beautiful. Chilly, though, when I got out. It was 70º today, or now yesterday actually. Today 72°, then 55° the next two days and 53° the next two days after that. That’s a pretty quick and drastic change.

Later…

Now I’ve got a few things to say about Kara. A few nights ago she was over and we listened to tapes of convos and edits. We laughed our asses off and had a great time. Andy called at one point and the 3 of us spoke for a while. That was cool, but that’s as far as I can have them go. Andy’s friends are his friends and mine are mine. I don’t want him and Kara to talk on the phone or get together without me present. Even though Andy’s gotten better with coming in between me and my friends when he’s mad at me or someone or something else, and Kara has more of a spine than lots of others I’ve known, it’s still too risky. There are two reasons why it’s a little risky. One is cuz I notice that sometimes the more I’m against something, the more Andy’s driven to push it on me. Not always, but sometimes and it also depends on the situation. The second reason is cuz sometimes Andy’s extremely good at persuading people onto his side and pitting them against me. He does know he’s been wrong about doing this to me in the past and Kara certainly has way more of a mind of her own than Brenda and others I’ve known. Kara knows better, but here’s an example of Brenda and the many others like her I’ve known. Brenda and I are alone. I say to her, “Andy walks too hard and it’s annoying and unnecessary.” Brenda says to me, “You’re right. I agree and it’d annoy me too.” Now Brenda and I are with Andy and I say the same thing I said to her alone. But now Brenda says, “He’s a guy, so give him a break. Different people walk differently.” Kara’s much better than that.

Later…

Before the phone rings again, let me finish with what I have to say about Kara. I tried to decide whether or not I should settle. Well, let’s just say there’s no way I can settle for anything and everything. I also don’t intend to be doing this all the time. I couldn’t anyway unless I went to bars and went after butches only. I finally realized what I’ve been realizing for a very long time now. The ultimate attraction isn’t meant to be, otherwise, God would send it. I’m 200% sure I’ll never lust with a woman who’s not only feminine but to whom I am very attracted. So, now I’m gonna go “in between.” I’m not gonna stay celibate all my life and I’m not gonna settle for a man or an ugly woman. While Kara’s ugly, at the same time she isn’t. I like her personality and we share a lot of the same opinions and beliefs. I’ve gotten to know her and she’s very understanding of my situation and wouldn’t lose patience due to my not being used to being with a lover. She can go slowly and gently. We haven’t had sex yet, but she knows how I feel. I spoke with her and I was honest with her. I told her everything I just wrote down. But instead of, “You’re ugly, but you’re not,” I said, “You’re not my main preference, but you’re not a settlement either.” So, it’s her call now. I’ll let her make the move if she wants sex that bad. I’ll only initiate so much, then it’s the other person’s turn. I’m sure it will be a little scary, awkward and disappointing, but it gets a little easier to accept settling within reason. On the phone when we spoke she told me she was flattered. I didn’t expect differently, especially when God always sets it up to be one-sided. I just wish God would let someone I’m attracted to break down and say, “OK, I’m not attracted to you, Jodi. You’re not what I want, but all who’s available at the moment, so let’s just go for it till I can find a butch or whatever I want.” If having lust were meant to be in my life, then maybe this would happen more often, but all I know is that if it doesn’t turn me on, I can probably have it.

Kara may soon be calling.

Andy will be making us hamburgers later.

I chatted with Mary and while on my way back from the mailbox I got a Chanukah card from Fran. What a surprise, huh? The last time Andy and I were speaking with Fran, he asked the funniest question. Fran asked what is the difference between Hanukkah and Chanukah.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 10, 1992 I sure do have lots to write about so I’ll get on with it now. Bob called last night and we spoke for 4 hours. He moved but is still in Turners Falls.

Fran also called but not for long. He got beeped by an important call, so he said. Andy and I really wanted to talk to him, too.

I sent letters off to Bob, Fran and Kim. Rather than send Kim those pictures, I’ll send her the negatives. Nervous oughta be sending back the few pictures I sent him. When and if he does, I’ll send them to Bob who says he’s still gonna come out here with or without Christina.

I finally got Tammy’s letter last Tues. I had to pay 64 cents for postage, but that’s OK. She never even used the negs to copy pictures with. She just helped herself to a few of the originals.

My guess on the amount of the check was right. It was $25. I’ve cashed it already cuz I’ve had to go to the bank for a new ATM card.

Stacey at the office made an agreement with me not to cash my check in till the 3rd of each month. Well, they goofed and cashed it in on the 1st, but they made up for it without giving me any shit. I re-wrote a check for $15 less as that’s the bounce fee. From now on I won’t be giving them my check till the 3rd.

Speaking of SSI and SS, the yearly raise has gone through. SSI was $16 and SS was $426. Now SSI is $15 and SS is $439. SSI will be taking $10 of the $15 SSI check cuz of that bullshit overpayment. So, I should be getting $454, but I’ll only get $444.

Still not enough for a 1-bedroom.

My niece still has not written to me, but oh well.

Andy gave me tons of no-postage-necessary cards. Also, tons of letters. One card he got from Jayke, plus two letters from her. Also, a postcard from Jayke and his sister Linda from Paris. He’d been saving these up and he gave me them to send to Nervous, which I will. I’ll also send Nervous my sister’s letter, the card from Mom and Dad that came on the plant they sent, cards from Andy, Velma, Tara, Dennis and other stuff.

Randy had been really sick with the flu, but I saw him a few days after my birthday. I’d given him $5 to pick up 2-3 packs of smokes for me, as he had to go to the store. He ended up buying me a carton.

I’m really tired and very hungry, so I’ll have to continue writing later.

Later…

Hunter’s coming on now, but I’ll write little by little on commercials.

I went to call Dennis yesterday just to say hi. His brother’s wife Susie answered and she told me Bea died. At the same time they’re grieving, they say it’s a blessing. She was really miserable and out of it. I can understand this, but the shocking thing is how fast she died. Less than 24 hours ago from the time she died, she was her usual self. I was over there for dinner and she was functioning, despite the fact that she was out of it and wasn’t aware of what she was saying or doing.

Bea’s death got me thinking about my dad. She died so fast and I was just talking to her the other day. My dad could call me one day, being his usual self. The next day mom could call saying he died of a sudden heart attack or something.

Later…

In 20 minutes In the Heat of the Night comes on, so I’ll write for now.

Andy gave me a full-size picture of Gloria, which is on the cover of her Greatest Hits CD. Her hair looked pitiful, but her dress, shoes and net stockings were nice. I put her picture in my photo album along with the pictures that Tammy sent back.

Tara was over a few nights ago. She picked out songs for me to tape for her. She’s gonna leave me her own blank tape one of these years. Tara’s not a flaky, forgetful airhead, so this goes to show how busy she is. She hasn’t even got the time to run a tape over here. I told her to leave it outside my door if she calls me and gets no answer.

Although the drawing of Tammy, Bill and the girls came out sort of shitty, it’s nice to know it’s finally done.

I need to write 4 letters at this time to Nervo, mom and dad, Tammy and Lisa and Becky. I also need to finish coloring my poster, which is almost done.

Bob left me a message earlier while I was watching Hunter. He’ll call back.

I guess someone will soon be moving in down below me. I hope not, but no one has moved in next to Andy yet. When whoever moves in, I just hope they’re quiet and never home. I hope it’s one person who never has company and no kids! I fucking hate kids nowadays and can’t stand to be around them. Why oh, why did I ever want a kid for half a second?

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 6, 1992 Well, I’m not ready to fall asleep yet and I probably won’t till around 4:00, so why not write?

Before I forget, that guy Bill whom I met with Randy at the grocery store never called last Monday. I last talked to him on November 27th. He gave me the typical, “I lost your number.” He said something about going to L.A. for the weekend but he’d call when he returned on Mon. He also gave me the number of some girl Kathy to call. She also hasn’t returned my call, so forget it. That tells me how serious they really are.

Andy did fall asleep, but I went over there anyway. Velma was watching TV and finally, Andy got up and frosted the cake, put candles on it, and they sang Happy Birthday.

Andy said to make a wish, but my 3 wishes are not grantable. 1. Being a singer. 2. Meeting a feminine gay woman. 3. Being able to quit smoking. All else I’m happy with so I didn’t make a wish.

Then, I thought of two other wishes, but they’re also not grantable. 1. Becoming madly attracted to butches. 2. Being able to do a career I hate.

While I was there I heard glass smashing in the parking lot. I checked Velma’s and Andy’s cars, but they were fine. Then, I realized I didn’t want to be seen in case someone did do something bad and be connected to it. Stacey will try to pin whatever happened on me.

Tomorrow night I’ll probably do some letter writing. Maybe editing, too.

Tammy still never mentioned speaking with Sheila. At this point, however, I don’t really give a shit. I’ve got permission to be here. Period. And I’m not a murderer.

I’d never ever date a cop, even if she were drop-dead gorgeous. Some of them are good like Mark and others I met. Others think they’re God, above the law, and can do anything. Well, not in my book.

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 5, 1992 Well, I sure do have lots more to write about since the last time I wrote. I’ll go in order of events.

Andy came over with my present in a really pretty bag that says happy birthday. I’ll write all the stuff he wrote on the card, but first, he got me two very pretty journals.

He also gave me tons of no-postage-necessary cards for several different magazines and information about a variety of different things. I sent stuff to Fran, Nervous, Bob, Bobbie, Russell, Jim, Debbie, Barbara, Mattie and Mark.

I decided the timing was right. I had Andy call my parents with me on the other line pretending not to be there, to tell them I just got a phone (sooner than expected). He gave Dad my number.

Dad answered and when he picked up he said, “Happy birthday!”

I heard Andy giggle. I laughed too, and of course, I had my mute on.

Dad called me right back and I thanked them both for the plant. I also told them how much I loved one of the bracelets they sent as well as other stuff in the package.

I told them what Andy got me and about my card and $5 from Dennis and Bea, my call from Tammy and my package from Kim.

Then Ma said they couldn’t get me my b-day gift as they were both sick. Then, she said, “Do I tell her, Art?”

Dad said, “Well, we didn’t want to tell you, but we can’t leave here. We’ve been quarantined.”

I asked what they meant and Ma said, “The health officials won’t let us leave cuz we have herpes. Therefore, we were never able to get you your present.”

I burst out laughing as I realized what they were talking about.

Then Ma said she wanted to get the phone rules straight (of course). She said she’d never accept any collect calls anymore as they’re too expensive (she’s oh so poor). They’ll call me, but she doesn’t want to pay to talk to a machine. I told them my machine broke so the phone company gave me one. She asked, “You ordered voice messaging?” I burst out laughing and she said I could talk to Dad now. I told Dad that if my phone rang 4 times, hang up. Also, I’m constantly in and out of here so I can’t guarantee I’ll answer when they call. I’m no longer a caged animal like I used to be.

Later…

Before I get into what happened last night, I’ll first cover today’s events. Well, I still haven’t gotten Tammy’s check as the mail’s running so much later due to the holidays.

Andy and I will be going to the swap meet tomorrow. He’ll buy what I want and I’ll pay him back. I wish I knew what the amount of the check is. My guess is $25.

I picked up my picture today along with Mary who was on her way to pick hers up at the same time. It can out so-so, but it sure could’ve come out better. I just don’t take so well to the camera.

Believe it or not, Jeff woke me up. Half the time I’ll always be woken up no matter what, so it seems. This is understandable, though, cuz he was moving. He gave me more hangers, a plant and this really nice, pretty, huge wicker basket with silk flowers and leaves in it.

I did some rearranging in here, but I sure do wish still that I could afford a 1-bedroom.

Dennis is fixing one of my speakers today and tomorrow he’ll do the other one.

While I was at his place I looked at the cat ads. There was only one possibility, but it was gone. He’s gonna leave tomorrow’s paper by my door in the morning as he’ll be awake earlier than I’ll be.

I’ll leave him two rolls of paper towels with two funny notes on them.

Andy, who was here earlier, forgot his. He forgets everything.

He and Velma were over for a while. Andy made himself and I pork chops. Velma cut his hair and gave me a birthday card and a pretty purple hairbrush.

Andy and Velma were supposed to go back to his place to make a cake, but I guess he fell asleep. He hasn’t called and I haven’t heard him over there.

While he was here, he gave me 6 pictures of Fay. So 3 will go to Nervous and 3 will go to Fran.

I wonder what Randy’s been up to? I haven’t heard from him.

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 4, 1992 I got up at 1 PM today and there was no mail. Everything’s late cuz of the holidays.

Dennis and Bea gave me a $5 gift card.

As I was returning to my place a girl was calling out my name. I thought to myself, who is she? Well, she had a big and gorgeous plant with her which I surely wasn’t expecting. Perfect timing, too, as she almost missed me. I figured it was from someone around here, but the card said, Happy Birthday - Love, Mommy & Daddy.

That sure was nice and the plant’s beautiful. There’s a beautiful ribbon on it too. It’s an indoor plant that doesn’t need a lot of light and it’s supposed to purify the air.

Tammy called and I also spoke to Lisa, Becky and Bill. They said tomorrow I should get their check, letters and my pictures. She said to buy whatever I wanted but make sure I tell them in a letter what I buy.

It’s been raining today like crazy for the first time in nearly two months. It took Andy an hour and a half to get home. Due to the flooding and lots of car accidents, he’s called off the cake and ice cream till tomorrow. It’s not safe for Diane and Velma to be out driving in this rain.

Earlier Dennis and I were in the pool and the Jacuzzi. The pool was so warm and you could see the steam coming up from the Jacuzzi and the pool due to all the moisture in the air.

Andy will be over soon and I’ll tell him to call my parents collect and he can now give them my number.

Tara may be over here later, but I’m not sure. Kara called me, too.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 3, 1992 Tara called earlier and said she and Tonya had a birthday card for me. When the phone rang I thought it was Andy and I asked, “Are you eating?” I asked this cuz he always calls and eats on the phone munching in my ear.

Tara was telling me about this funny dream she had and I knew I had to tell Andy about it. He laughed. She told me she dreamt she was getting married to Madonna and was at her house. Madonna was cooking her dinner and she said to Tara, “I want you to meet my parents before we get married.” And Tara just said, “OK, sure, fine.”

She also told me she’s still very very busy with school and work. She told me her boss was gay and somewhat attractive and feminine. She said she doesn’t wear makeup too much but when she does she’s pretty. She has shoulder-length hair. When she finally met her girlfriend she could see just what I meant when I said fems go for butches, butches go for fems and there are plenty of butches with other butches. This girlfriend of hers was pretty damn ugly. She told me she feels the same way I do and doesn’t want a relationship. She just wants occasional sex as she’s got very little free time, needs her space and doesn’t want to go through the bullshit. She’s getting with guys the same thing I’ve gotten from women. The guy says he’ll call and never does, or he’s always there.

I told her I was gonna tell her something I never thought I’d ever be brave enough to say after the Maliheh B case and several others. Well, I told her that if she ever does get curious, she doesn’t have to be shy. I’m here and I’m attracted to her and would never and could never put strings on her. Well, I know she’ll never approach me for sex, but she did say I’d be the first one she’d go to cuz she knows me and she also thinks that butches are ugly.

Later…

I just finished watching a talk show and I just threw in a tape of the edits.

My check comes today. Therefore, I must see if Dennis will take me to the store. I’ve got to get some groceries to hold me over till I get my food stamps. I didn’t get any mail today so I hope tomorrow I get letters from Lisa and Tammy. There are only a few other errands and places I may go to.

Andy’s gonna pick up my prescription and we may go to a swap meet on Sun. I sure as hell hope he doesn’t want to go early cuz there’s no way I’ll be able to get up.

This Saturday afternoon I’ll be picking up my picture at the office.

I still haven’t begun my story and I have not done more editing, but I’m definitely gonna want to write letters to my family. I’m gonna have lots to tell. I’ll also write to Kim, Bob, Nervous and Fran.

I was a little ticked off at Kara earlier. You know how it is with people. I tell them to call me first and they do so for two months, then they knock and wake me up. It turned out OK, though as UPS came not too much later. Kara also came over with Ashley. I can’t stand it when she brings her over. I had us all out on the patio, so she couldn’t trash my place. If Kara holds her down, the damn thing screams. The reason why she brought her was cuz after she visited me, she planned on seeing Brian and Angel. I didn’t know she knew them, and I thought they moved. They were in Idaho for the last 3 months.

Earlier, a little before 7:00, Andy came over to see what I got from Mom and Dad. He also looked at all my journals. The covers, that is. I think number 13 is the ugliest, but he likes it. 6 and 7 are quite boring, too, but I took care of 6. Yes, I fixed it up quite nicely. I took an old barrette with a bow on it. The material and pattern of the bow are pretty. It’s on a velvet black background with stripes of red and blue through it that are sort of glittery. I cut the bow off the barrette. Then, I ironed out the bow flat. I cut the pieces to fit the cover of number 6 which is a small journal, otherwise, I’d never have enough material to cover it. Then, I glued it on. I used a toothpick to spread the glue out on the journal, then just slapped on the material.

Andy’s now trying to sing Desde La Oscuridad. Actually, this is the edited version. Kara heard it and was dying of laughter. I put this on the tape I made for her.

Believe it or not, but luckily for me, I am actually getting sleepy. Sleep is exactly what I hope I can do now. I certainly didn’t get enough hours of sleep last night. Barely 6 hours, so I’ll go try really hard to fall asleep.

Later…

I woke up at 9:00 to take my meds. Also, there was some loud mouth granny and a little girl traipsing by, and I’ll kill them if I ever hear them again that early! Those that get up early have no respect for those who don’t get up early, I swear. I went back to sleep till noon.

Today’s a gorgeous day and there’s a breeze, too. I have my bedroom window and sliding glass door open. My ceiling fan is on, too. It’s nice to be able to air the place out during the day in the winter and at night during the summer. In Springfield I was only able to open the window from late May to early September just to air out the smoke and dust, only to let the pollution in.

Well, my clothes are in the dryer now.

I went over to Andy’s to call for the phone numbers and addresses of Mass General and Mass Eye & Ear Infirmary.

I called the doctor’s office to ask for Kelly, but the office was closed. Why so early, I don’t know.

While I was over at Andy’s, Fran left a message. It figures I would just miss his call. He’ll have to call me back when he wants to.

I got no mail today but my check’s in the bank, so later Dennis and I are going to the store. Shortly after I got up I went to Dennis’s at 12:30. He had some meat and noodles for me that were leftovers they were sick of. It was good.

I told them about the stuff my parents sent and that I have enough paper towels to open a store with. I am going to bring them two rolls cuz Bea uses them like crazy.

Later…

In 10 minutes I’ll be going to get my clothes out of the dryer.

I’m watching this amazing story of an 80-year-old woman who came out of a coma after 30 years.

Later…

I just finished my laundry.

Andy should be slamming in soon and at around 6:30 I’ll be going food shopping with Dennis.

The other day I looked through the paper for what was available in the cat ads. All the ones that were too good to be true were gone. Some were neutered and spayed and even declawed. Had their shots, too. Those kinds of cats are gone the second the ad for them comes out.

Later…

I am now sitting at my kitchen table which is much more comfortable.

I have my lace skirt hanging over one of my chairs. I didn’t want it to shrink. I wore that and my black tights and a tight black camisole with my denim lace jacket I got in Norwich when my pictures were taken. I’m sure curious to see how they came out this Saturday afternoon. I’ll be choosing from about 6 pictures. I hope at least one comes out good since I’m not keeping it and it’s going to Tammy. It’s one thing to keep a so-so or bad picture of yourself. It’s another when you’re gonna give it away to a family member or a friend. Before I mail it to Tammy, I’ll show it to Andy and maybe Tara. When I get the pictures back from Tammy that are going to Kim, I may show them to Tara first.

Tara and Tonya aren’t sure if they’re gonna buy a HUD house or not. They heard they’re usually in pretty bad shape. I can believe that, but I also heard the waiting list for that is years and years. Plus, they’re not a top priority. A family, homeless people, or handicapped people would be considered first. I don’t think the two of them combined are low-income. Maybe average.

Dennis and Bea are the second and third friends I’ve ever had that are not low-income. The first was Kim.

Later…

I’m watching TV now.

Earlier, Dennis, Bea and I went to the grocery store.

My ATM card was canceled cuz it was only a temporary card. Now I must go get a new one.

Fran called and we spoke for about 20 minutes.

I’m doing Andy’s laundry which I’ll get out of the dryer soon.

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 2, 1992 I’m still not tired, but I must try soon to fall asleep, as I want to keep a day schedule for a while.

I really hope I get my package tomorrow. I hope I also get letters from Tammy and Lisa too. Maybe even Bob will write.

This will be the first birthday with no misery. No isolation or crack houses around me. No snow. No bitter cold weather. I only had one other b-day in semi-warm weather. That was my 24th b-day in Florida. That was no fun. Yes, this will surely be the first b-day when I’m finally truly happy and content. Of course, I’d still love to be able to quit smoking, make it in the music business and be a butch lover. Now there’s no way in hell or in this life I’ll ever look at a butch and say, “God, she’s gorgeous!”

As for becoming a singer and quitting smoking, well, I don’t know about that either.

Another weird thing about turning 27 is the fact that I wasn’t even supposed to live to see my 17th b-day. Also, I look 17 still, depending on how I’m dressed. It’s amazing to retain my youth and so much energy after all I’ve gone through both physically and mentally.

Andy told me he’s invited Diane, Donna and Velma over for cake and ice cream Fri. night at 7:30. I explained to him (and he does understand) that this is very weird, awkward and a little embarrassing for me. I’m not used to this or being around so many people. At least not for a very long time and 3 people I barely know are a lot for me. I’ll feel sort of “on the spot.” I’m only used to family members around on my b-day or one or two friends that I know quite well. I will tell Andy to tell Diane, Donna and Velma that I may be embarrassed and that I’m not used to this, so they’ll understand and not mistake me for being stuck-up and unappreciative.

Well, he’s gone to bed so I think I’ll leave a message for him. When he wakes up he’s gonna leave me messages.

Once again, I hope I get my package, but at least I got my doctor’s appointment done and over with.

Later…

During commercials, I’ll write.

I finally got my packages today. I got a gorgeous bracelet with clear stones of many different colors. I got a really nice necklace which is sort of hard to describe. It’s like Indian and Western. She sent a gold chain necklace and 2 gold chain bracelets, but the bracelets are too big.

She also sent this little tube-like thing that’s 2 feet long or so. When you tip it from end to end it makes a weird and funny sound. To me, it sounds like someone’s puking. I played it on Andy’s machine and he thought it was Melissa, the CP lady!

I also got 2 more of those little teddy bears with hands that clasp together. Now I have 3 of them clasped onto the stick on my blinds in the kitchen.

I got another tiny little stuffed animal, a cigarette case, a box of pads and tampons, paper towels, toilet paper, laundry detergent, sunscreen, a box of instant potatoes, hot chocolate, a nice and different cosmetic bag, a strap-like thing for the wrist, hot oil treatment, a can of grape jelly, a troll key chain doll, and a little toy piano with 1½ octaves.

TUESDAY, DECEMBER 1, 1992 That was really nice of Kim to send that package, but can you believe I still haven’t gotten my parent’s package? What’s taking so long? I guess this is cuz of the holidays. I hope I finally get it tomorrow.

Dennis took me to the doctor and amazingly enough; I wasn’t there all that long. He gave me yet another cream to use for downstairs and refills.

I also asked him about a place around here for ear surgery. I’m going to call Boston information for the address and number of Mass Eye & Ear infirmary as well as Mass General. Then, I’m to call the doctor’s office back and ask for Kelly who handles records. She’s gonna get them from Boston. After that, Dr. Kareus will send me to someone for his opinion and recommendations.

Andy took me to the King’s Table which is an all-you-can-eat buffet. We snuck some chicken out in a bag.

He taped Reasonable Doubts for me as it was on while we were gone. I’m watching TV now. Hunter’s coming on next.

Last night we went to a place called Marie Callender’s. I got some good quiche there and he got London broil. I gave our waitress a red jacket for her kids. It was a nice jacket I got from Mom, but it was a major hassle getting it on and off. In exchange, the waitress gave us each a free slice of pie.

On my way out Andy and I grabbed 3 balloons that were by the door. They’re on the floor now as their helium is gone.

[mango-bango-bby]

Ushijima being jealous of his darling stuffed animals, like he want to be the thing you cling on to at night or when your scared. So he hides them to force us to snuggle him

Can you also use nicknames you think he would use. If not that's fine your writing is amazing either way

♡ Personal Teddy Bear ♡

(A/N: Ahhh I love writing for Ushi!!! He’s so sweet 💖 but also oblivious! I hope you like this, I wrote this while I imagining this plushie that I’ve wanted for a bit, and I think Ushi would totally get it for his darling 🥺🥺 Anyways I hope you enjoy this, I’m trying to get back on a schedule of which fics to post 💞💞)

Content Warning ⚠️: Yandere

Summary: Wakatoshi hides your favorite stuffed animal so you have to cuddle him now instead (Yan!Ushijima x GN!reader)

Masterlist ➸ ♡

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

Wakatoshi was never really the jealous type. Yes, he was a bit possessive, however it wasn’t to much. He never felt overwhelming jealousy. Even before he kidnapped you, he didn’t get to jealous when other people or things were taking your attention. He was more obsessive than possessive.

Although it was silly, the one thing that really got Wakatoshi jealous was your plushies. Yes, he knew it sounded strange especially considering he bought them for you but he still can’t help but be upset when he sees you with them. He had got them for you shortly after taking you, to comfort you and you quickly got attached to the toys. You’d hold them while sleeping and often holding them while doing daily tasks.

Wakatoshi just didn’t understand why you seemed to give those dolls more attention than him. Like last night when you had a nightmare and instead of waking him up to comfort you. You snuggled your stuffed animal, letting out sobs as you did so. He only knew that because he happened to wake up while this was happening. He just couldn’t stand it anymore!

“‘Toshi!” You whine from the other room, as if calling him in. Wakatoshi leaves the living room and goes into the bedroom, seeing you rummaging through different pillows and blankets on the bed clearly searching for something. “What’s wrong?” The stotic man asks, watching you still rummage through different things.

“I can’t find the cow plush” you whine, taking a deep breath before going back to looking. The one plushie was your favorite was missing and you were desperately searching for it. You couldn’t sleep without it, especially after your nightmare last night, and you knew Wakatoshi was going to make you go to bed soon. “Have you seen it?” You ask him.

Wakatoshi didn’t like lying to you, he really didn’t, however he still felt the need to now. “No, I haven’t seen it, darling” He states simply, knowing for a fact he put it in the top shelf of the closet. He did feel slightly guilty for lying to you, however he knows that you need to want affection from him for you two to be a somewhat normal couple. And he just felt as if he needed your arms around him.

You spent all the time up to night searching for your beloved stuffed cow. However you couldn’t find it no matter how much you searched, leading to a down mood from you. “Are you alright?” Wakatoshi asks, you refusing to lay down in bed that night. You look away almost embarrassed.

“I know it’s silly, but I can’t sleep without it” you whisper, wrapping your arms around your torso as if you were embarrassed. However Wakatoshi already knew this and knows he wouldn’t judge you. “A-And especially after my nightmare last night, I don’t want to sleep” you say, looking over at your captor when he gently grabs your hand.

“It’s alright, petal, I’m sorry you can’t find it. Perhaps tonight you can try holding onto me instead, hm?” Wakatoshi says, you nodding slightly at his words. You’d be alright with that, it’s better than snuggling nothing tonight you guess.

You slept very well that night. Wakatoshi did as well, the best in a while actually. He could get used to sleeping with you up against his chest and your arms wrapped around his torso. Using him as your personal teddy bear.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵ Thank you for reading, darling!!

[butwhyduh]

Been Awhile

Roy Harper x reader

Summary: he’s been gone for a mission and comes back home mad thirsty

Warning: smut, Roy has a filthy mouth

You were totally fine. You didn’t almost burn out the motor to your toy while looking at pictures of Roy while imagining licking his tattoos and then everywhere else. It had been a full month since you last saw him and you were missing him so much at this point that you missed his tinkering and the smell of a soldering iron.

The first thing Roy did was pick up Lian from her aunt Artemis’s house and brought her home. He had stopped and got her the biggest Lego set he could find.

“This says 8 and up but I’m only 6,” she squealed.

“Since you can read that it’s 8 and up, I think you’ll do fine. Now let’s build a castle. Do you want a Princess or dragon?” Roy asked dumping it out on the carpet.

“A Princess dragon!” She said as if it was obvious.

“What was I thinking? Of course, a Princess dragon,” he said and they started building. You grabbed them a snack and joined them on the floor. Roy’s attention was on Lian but he occasionally gazed at you before going back to playing. After a few hours, Lian started yawning as it was close to bed.

“Alright kiddo, why don’t we pick this up tomorrow? It’s getting late now,” Roy said getting up and stretching. You couldn’t help but stare at the way his shirt rose just enough to see a strip of flat stomach. Roy grinned at you when he noticed.

He spent the next 20 minutes getting Lian in bed and another 20 minutes wasting time cleaning up while waiting for her to go to sleep. Roy kept his eyes on you. Staring at your ass as you bent to pick up a stuffed animal, your breasts when you put another toy on a high shelf. And when he was certain that Lian was asleep, he pounced.

“Baby,” Roy said pulling you close by the hips. You covered a giggle with your hand before wrapping your arms around his neck. “Fuck have I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” You replied. Roy kissed you and his hands roamed your body; running across your back and down to cup your ass and up to squeeze your breasts. “Eager,” you said with a little smirk.

“You don’t even fucking know,” he muttered against your skin. You could feel his hardness against your thigh. You wanted him for sure but you weren’t that ready to go. “Couldn’t even rub one out because it was fucking communal showers and bunks. So it’s been 2 weeks. I had a wet dream the other night like I was a fucking teenager.”

“Damn Roy,” you flushed at his language. He started peeling your shirt off. “The bedroom, not here,” you insisted. He pulled you along quickly. As soon as the door shut, he was yanking your shirt and bra off.

“Fuck baby, your tits,” he whined before bending to kiss and nip at them. He looked up at you with a smiling mouth full of nipple causing you to shiver. He playfully lapped at the bud. “I’ve miss you girls,” he said giving the other breast attention, causing you to laugh. “We’re having a very important conversation here. Excuse us,” he joked to you while cupping them both.

“Hey now,” you laugh. “Can we get to the bed first?”

Roy picked you up over his shoulder as you squealed. He turned his head to gently sink his teeth in the meat of your ass. You jumped in surprise. “Nice ass. Take a bite out of it,” he murmured and did it again before laying you on the bed and crawling beside you.

You turned to your side and started kissing. You pulled Roy’s shirt off at one point and started kissing down his neck and the next thing you knew, you were on top of him, rubbing him through his boxers. He was already throbbing.

“You think you could?” He asked looking down. “I’ve been dreaming about your mouth for days.”

“Damn, you’re thirsty,” you said with a laugh.

“Don’t make fun of me,” he whined. “I swear that sex is the only thing on my mind. I can’t handle going this long.”

“These full,” you asked, reaching your hand in his shorts and cupping his balls. He hissed and leaned into your touch with a nod. “I’ll take pity on you,” you teased.

“Just a little blow job,” he asked.

You started kissing down his chest while pushing his shorts down his legs. Roy was already leaking hard. You ran your hand up his thigh and jerked him a few times and gently cupped his balls before going back and forth. Roy was already breathing heavy and his pale skin was flushed red as his hair.

You playfully ran your fingers through the thatch of reddish brown hair above his dick and Roy’s hips moved towards your hand. It was intoxicating to see him so worked up. Sure, Roy always had a high sex drive but he loved the build up and act of sex just as much as the release usually but you could tell that his mind was only on getting off today.

You finally took him in your mouth and Roy let out a shaky breath. You sucked at the head while gently jerking the base. Roy was so fucking hard and was making so much noise that you were throbbing between your own legs. Thank god Lian was all the way across the apartment.

“Fuck, baby. Better than I imagined,” Roy breathed. He was gripping the sheets tightly in hand. You looked up at him and ran your free hand over the divots of his abs and Roy closed his eyes. He knew if he watched you suck him off, he would but almost immediately.

But then you cupped his balls while hollowing your cheeks as you took him deep and he spasmed and came suddenly. “I-“ was all he got out before a warm bitter wetness filled your mouth. Roy pushed your shoulders back to where his dick wasn’t in your mouth anymore but it didn’t help because instead he came on your face.

“Oh,” you gasped while trying to be a good girlfriend and jerk him through his high.

“Sorry! Sorry,” he said as he came down from his high. “I didn’t mean- I was gonna warn you but I couldn’t even speak,” he said with a dry chuckle. “Shit, that wasn’t the plan,” he said. Roy quickly grabbed his shirt to wipe your face off.

“It’s okay, babe,” you said with a smile. You climbed up and kissed him on the lips. Roy smiled at you. “I mean, I made you cum so hard you couldn’t speak. I’d take that as a compliment.”

“You definitely should. And when my soul returns to my body, I am definitely gonna blow your brains out,” he said and you huffed out a laugh. His casual frank sex language always got you.

“Yeah?” You asked as Roy held you close.

“Yep! Gonna try to see if I can make you cry or squirt when you cum,” he added.

“Roy,” you exclaimed and he laughed.

“Babe, I saw the fucking light when I came,” he said. “No joke. And I was thinking about you on the way home and had to think about baseball scores cuz I started chubbing up. Like a teenager or something.”

You covered his mouth with your hand. “That’s enough of that,” you said and he laughed before licking your hand.

“You won’t be saying that later,” he smirked.

“Yeah?” You challenged. Roy flipped you on your back and climbed over you.

“Absolutely. Now show me that pretty little pussy.”

“Roy!”

“Aww come on. It’s adorable when you get all flustered,” he said. You didn’t answer but let him pull your shorts off. Roy had a pleased smile on his face. “Fuck, my imagination has nothing on this,” he muttered while kissing down your chest. He opened your legs wide while roughly pulling a nipple in his mouth. You gasped as he let it go to repeat the same on the other side. He slid his tongue messily over your chest before planting wet kisses down your stomach.

Roy pushed your knees back to where you were wide and exposed to him. You shivered as he looked you over almost predatorily. Roy kissed down your leg and skipped over your pussy before going back up the other leg. He even kissed your hips and mound before moving down.

“Absolutely drenched,” he whispered. Roy lapped at your outer folds and even sucked on on before moving inward with precision. He knew what he was doing. You were panting by the time his tongue pierced between your folds and into your core. Roy started tongue fucking you and you let out breathy moans. You gripped the headboard behind you.

Roy grew more aggressive and messy in the best way. One hand held your legs up and the other squeezed and teased your breasts. It didn’t take long for you to whimper his name desperately in hopes he would finally pay attention to your clit. Knowing exactly what you wanted, he started lapping at the bud before taking it in his mouth and sucking. You moaned far louder than you mean as he sucked your clit like a dying man.

“Don’t stop,” you whined and Roy’s hand that was grabbing your breast moved to hold your thigh to let his mouth dive deeper into your pussy. He was absolutely destroying you in the best way with sucking and lapping and swirling your clit with his very talented mouth and tongue. He could see you were close. The sounds you make and how your core would clench around nothing. Roy kept going and was rewarded with a sound like a sob before you whimpered out his name and spasmed below him. His mouth suddenly flooded with fluid that he happily lapped at through your high until you pushed his face away. He gave a chaste kiss to you sensitive clit that had you jumping and gasping before climbing back up your body to lay beside you.

“Still got it,” he said with a grin. You rolled your eyes while scooting on top of him.

“Don’t break your arm patting yourself on the back, Harper,” you muttered with no real heat.

“What? I’m back to last name? I gave you a mind numbing orgasm and I get last named,” he pouted.

“It was alright,” you teased.

“That sob at the end said otherwise,” he protested with a roguish grin. You covered his mouth with your hand.

“Okay, ruining the afterglow there speedy,” you said. He laughed.

“Okay Princess. Let’s get you some sleep. That way I can wake you up before Lian gets up and actually fuck,” he said pulling the blankets over you both.

“Shhhh, less words.”

[aminiatureworld]

Distance

Characters: Childe, Kaeya, gn!reader

Word Count: 4,280

Warnings: Swearing

Premise: What other explanation could there be? Surely this is the one logical answer. Even if it hurts, even if it doesn’t make sense.

In which the reader’s s/o assumes the reader is no longer interested.

Author’s Note: This prompt is really fun to write so far but I feel terrible torturing the poor characters like this. Oops.

Childe

The warm wind tickled Childe’s hair, causing the Harbinger to bat a few orange strands out of his face, eyes still pinned on the harbor that was fast approaching. The balmy breeze of Liyue was refreshing – a reminder of all the things he had been missing on his long-drawn-out trip. Now Childe leaned against the railing of the ship, eager to touch land, unable to contain the excitement he felt at the knowledge of what was awaiting him upon the dock.

Though he didn’t like to admit it this trip had been a particularly harrowing one, not just for Childe but for you as well. The post was notoriously touch-and-go across the Seven nations, especially with the deep snows whirling into Snezhnaya this time of year. The fact that he was gone almost a month certainly didn’t help. If he had to admit it Childe had found himself worrying about the time more than usual, worried how it might affect you. Now he was eager to push all those thoughts away, to once more find himself next to you, all well with the world. As the crew bustled around him to prepare the junk for docking the Harbinger took a deep breath in. There was nothing to worry about. Soon all would be well.

The empty dock was a jarring sight. Though saying it was devoid of people wouldn’t technically be accurate, business was going on as usual after all, to Childe it might as well have been a ghost town. Stumbling slightly, suddenly unsure of where to go, Childe climbed up the ramp awkwardly. Finding no one waiting for him on the stone pier as well, anxiety began to coil in Childe’s stomach. Had something happened? Ignoring the thoughts that flurried through his mind he quickly wove his way through the streets of Liyue. Though the city was bustling as always, laughter and shouting echoing through the air as people haggled and joked and went about their business, Childe found himself disconnected from his surroundings. His only thought was to find you, hopefully safe and sound and happy to see him.

There was no sign of anything wrong as Childe approached the door to your shared apartment. Sighing softly he dug around in his pack for the keys. You’d probably just fallen asleep, having recently taken up the habit of afternoon naps, according to your letters. Childe couldn’t really complain if that were the case, after all rest was important and you could hardly be blamed for not being aware of the time while conked out. Yes, surely you were asleep. Then Childe could give you the surprise of waking next to him. A smirk graced Childe’s lips at the thought of it, and as he turned the key in the lock he reassured himself. There was nothing to be worried about.

Unfortunately the Harbinger’s genius hypothesis had proven to be a false one. A quick scouring of the apartment revealed that you were not there, and no signs of any abnormal activity could be found as an explanation. Anxiety seeping into Childe’s mind he barely set down his pack before bolting out of the door, trying somewhat unconvincingly to keep his pace to a fast walk. Had something happened to you? Surely not! Childe knew you, knew that you could very well take care of yourself. He shouldn’t worry.

Still the thought passed through his head, combined with an even more unpleasant one. Had you simply forgotten about him? What if you didn’t care? Shaking his head the Harbinger took in a deep breath. He was overthinking things, still stuck in the mindset of a Harbinger. Not everything in life was a battle, hadn’t you told him that many times, teasing his constant need to see an obstacle to beat somewhere? He really should take your advice more seriously, at least in this case. Slowly down slightly Childe walked to the city center. He was sure his answer would be here; and that it would be so mundane as to not bother a second thought.

His pulse jumped in his throat as you finally entered his field of vision. You were sitting around with a few people, coworkers if the Guild crest and weaponry didn’t serve him wrong, chatting and smiling and overall having a wonderful time. Emotions stirred through Childe, the urge to run up to you, to stalk away, to find the nearest fountain and jump into it; but he stayed put, staring at your laughing face, pain flashing in his chest. He supposed he should’ve felt angry, felt like he’d been stood up. Instead all he felt was sadness, sadness and guilt.

Finally turning around Childe plodded back down the street, steps slow and sluggish. What did he expect really, for you to wait around for him forever? How was that fair? There was no reason you shouldn’t grow sick of waiting, shouldn’t want more out of your life. You were perfectly within your rights to want such a thing. Yet the pain continued, spreading throughout his chest until Childe felt like his lungs were on fire and his throat was crumpled in a fist of his own making.

Arriving back at the apartment a supernatural urge seemed to seize the Harbinger. Pack, he needed to pack. He wouldn’t burden you anymore, wouldn’t continue to strain your emotions by hanging around like a phantom. Luckily Childe wasn’t the kind of person to own a lot of things. Not that you really were either, between the both of you purchases mainly went into gifts for each other rather than personal buys. Childe now stood looking down at some of the things you’d bought or made for him. Scarves, books, a stuffed animal that had reminded you of his Delusion; all of these things lay peacefully on the shelf, giving the books behind them a slightly trapped looked. It was so homey and so comforting that Childe found tears pooling at the corners of his eyes.

Wiping his eyes roughly the Harbinger collapsed onto the couch. What was he doing? Part of him wondered if he shouldn’t just wait for you to come home, wait and see where you two really were. But it seemed unfair to do that. After all, what kind of sleazy person left their partner for a month then begged for their love and attention right after coming home? It was completely within your rights to want more, hadn’t Childe already made that clear to himself? And yet it hurt, it hurt so much. How had he managed to mess this all up, to let the thing most precious to him fall out of his hands? He had been so careless.

Giving himself up to his emotions Childe let the pooling tears stream down his cheeks. Suddenly everything seemed so very heavy. Closing his eyes for a moment Childe sighed. Five minutes, he would give himself five minutes before returning to his packing. Yet the familiar comfort of the couch beckoned to him, and soon fatigue overwhelmed him, dragging him down into the realm of sleep. Thankfully, he dreamt of nothing.

“Childe what are you doing?!”

Lurching up Childe glanced around wildly, hands automatically moving to summon his weapon. For a few seconds he found himself utterly confused, unable to comprehend where he was or what was going on. Soon enough however, the situation came crashing back to him and the Harbinger lowered his weapon. Glancing up at you he braced himself for whatever was going to happen next.

Well you certainly seemed upset, though not exactly in the way Childe might have expected. Instead of anger there seemed something more akin to panic in your eyes, and the red patches on your face certainly pointed to distress more than anything else.

“Is something wrong?”

“Is something wrong, you tell me that!” You took in a few erratic breaths, but your tone remained panicky. “Why are you packing? Do you have another trip? Why are you leaving?”

“I, I thought that it would be easier if I just left.” Childe lowered his head, unable to look you in the eyes. “I figured that I would spare you the pain of having to kick me out yourself.”

“Why in Teyvat would I kick you out?” You sat down on the couch next to Childe, and he could feel your eyes piercing through him. “What’s going on?”

“I didn’t see you at the docks when I returned.” Childe paused, gathering his thoughts. “At first I thought that you’d just fallen asleep or something but you weren’t home. And when I saw you out with your friends, well it made me realize how distant I’ve really been; physically, emotionally, everything. I realized that, and I realized that you deserved better, that I hadn’t been doing enough. I realized that you deserve more, deserve a partner who will always be there for you, who you won’t always have to be waiting for.”

“Oh Ajax.” You whispered softly.

Raising his head Childe could see no relief in your expression. Instead sadness was plainly plastered upon your face. Reaching out your hands you let Childe slump against you, carding your fingers through his hair as he rested his head on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry my darling, I thought you were coming back tomorrow. That’s why I was out. I would never think such a thing as abandoning you,” you spoke softly, tone achingly soft, “I mean it. Our relationship isn’t conventional, that’s true; but I would never trade it for anything. I would never think that you weren’t giving enough, I know how hard you work and how much you put into everything you know. Believe me Ajax, I don’t begrudge you any distance, I’ve never lacked love from you.”

“But what if one day you want something more,” Childe couldn’t help but ask, “what if one day letters aren’t enough? What if one day, what if one day I’m not enough?”

“I promise that will never happen,” you let out a soft sigh, “really Ajax you hold yourself too cheaply. You shouldn’t underestimate yourself, or underestimate me for that matter. You will always be enough for me. There will never be a day I want anything or anyone different, and if need be I will remind you of that every. single. day.”

Punctuation the last three words with kisses to Childe’s head you smiled as he titled his face up to gaze into yours. Though the panic had evaporated from you there was still sadness, and for a moment Childe felt guilt wash over him, guilt that he had caused you so many trials and that he hadn’t even had the courage to face you about it.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Although I do appreciate you understanding that almost stealing out into the night nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“Not my brightest moment.” Childe admitted.

“Perhaps not,” you laughed, “I mean really, you’d think that it was the second act of a tragedy or something, and not one I’d like to participate in.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize! Just don’t do it again, or next time I’ll get genuinely angry, and then you won’t get off the hook so easily.”

Childe pressed his lips to yours, another unspoken apology. Though you let out a small huff of impatience you nevertheless leaned into the kiss, smiling against his lips as you let your hands drift from his hair to his shoulders.

That night Childe lay awake, listening to the soft cadence of your breath, indulging in the feeling of peace that lay over him. Though he knew that his worries and insecurities would never truly leave him, Childe nonetheless felt as if a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Maybe one days his fears would come true, maybe one day this life wouldn’t be enough. But “ifs” and “maybes” weren’t guarantees, and until that day happened Childe would cherish the time he spent with you.

Besides, Childe trusted no one as much as he trusted you. If you said that such a day would never come to pass, then surely you were right.

  Kaeya

You were working late again.

Kaeya supposed that it shouldn’t have bothered him, but then again he also supposed that almost anyone would feel somewhat uneasy if their colleague and partner was suddenly avoiding them like the plague.

Okay, maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but not much in Kaeya’s mind. Of course, if this were some sort of habit then he would hardly mind; but after months of making it a tradition to always walk home together, well, safe to say the whole thing didn’t sit well. Nor was it simply a matter of you staying to work late, even the days where you finished earlier than him it seemed that you were always dashing off somewhere, leaving him painfully out of the loop.

Now Kaeya stood across the room from you, fingers drumming on his arm, face carefully hiding the irritation and concern that rose up inside him, threatening to spill over.

“I’m really sorry Kaeya!” Your tone was sincere, and the apology in your eyes seemed genuine enough. “It’s just that Jean asked me to look over the ledgers for the infantry. You know the captain is out this week, but Jean didn’t want to have to owe the City and the soldiers in terms of late funds. I promise it won’t take that long, I’ll be done as fast as I can.”

“Why don’t I help you with it?” Kaeya could feel the sarcasm sweetening his tone, attempted to rein it in he stared at you silently.

“You’ve been working so hard, I wouldn’t want to bother you with extra work.”

“It wouldn’t be a bother at all. Anything for my dear partner.”

“Really, it’s fine!” You twisted your hands, a nervous habit that Kaeya had long ago picked up on. “I’ll be done in time for dinner. And then we can the new recipe you’ve been telling me about; okay?”

“Very well.”

“Thanks for understanding!”

Though you seemed happy enough by the proposition Kaeya noticed how fast your head moved to the papers on your desk. Closing the door behind him he heard you let out a loud sigh. Clenching his hands, as if to remind himself that he was still in a semi-public setting, Kaeya stalked out of the Knight’s Headquarters. The thoughts in his head felt like static, and he worried that if he remained still for one more moment it would swallow him up.

Walking the streets of Mondstadt, Kaeya tried to reflect back upon the past few weeks. Had he done something wrong? Wracking his brain for any serious disputes Kaeya came up frustratingly emptyhanded. If you had fought over something this whole debacle would be one thing. Kaeya had a temper of his own, and petty acts of anger was something he admittedly struggled with often enough. He could hardly fault you if you acted in a similar way, or at least not without admitting to his own faults.

And yet nothing had happened, nothing that might cause such a dispute. Clenching his hands one more, aware that his knuckles must’ve been bone white, Kaeya let his thoughts drift to darker waters. What if you were just sick of him? It was certainly plausible, or at least Kaeya thought so. It would certainly explain why you now seemed to be avoiding him like the plague outside of work.

The thought hurt, as it might well do, but surprisingly most of the pain didn’t come from the idea itself, but from the idea that you wouldn’t tell him such a thing. You falling out of love with Kaeya would be been incredibly painful. You not trusting him enough to the point you were simply avoiding him, well the thought was enough to knock the wind out of him. Did you really think so ill of him? The idea filled Kaeya with smoldering rage and indignation – fueled in no little part by the fact that Kaeya ultimately might agree with you. Usually thoughts like those were the kinds you hated, the kinds you chased away with a stick, assuring Kaeya that no matter his past decisions he was still worthwhile. But you weren’t here now, and those dark thoughts were now kindling for the fire that burned in Kaeya’s mind.

By the time he’d reached the apartment Kaeya was almost sure of his hypothesis. Though a small part of his brain reminded him that he was working of a diet of sleep deprivation and anger, such logical thinking was easy enough to shrug off. After all, the signs were there. You were evidently getting quite sick of him, it was hardly Kaeya’s fault that he caught on.

Throwing his equipment on the floor, not bothering to even put his sword up on its stand, the Cavalry Captain walked towards the kitchen. What he needed was drink, maybe even two. Really if it were up to him he’d spend the next hour or so getting as drunk as possible before passing out in the tub. Thankfully though his reason hadn’t completely left him, and Kaeya managed to limit himself to two and a half glasses of cider. He needed to be at least on the side of sober for the conversation that was bound to pass once you came home after all.

The lateness of the hour in which you arrived felt like a personal insult, though really it was only 21:00 or so.

“Kaeya?” You called out, whipping the Cavalry Captain out of his thoughts.

Stepping into the kitchen the grin on your face was a stark contrast to the emotions that swirled in Kaeya’s mind. Hands clasped behind your back you stood in the doorframe as if expecting something. You’d probably be in for a nasty surprise. Kaeya smiled sweetly at you, words burning in his mouth, mixing with the alcohol. This was a bad idea.

“How was the paperwork?”

“The paperwork? Oh! It was boring enough I suppose. I kept getting distracted though, I really should’ve had you there, you could’ve kept me from nodding off.”

“I’m sure I would have. Tell me something my dear, I have a question that’s been burning in my mind.”

“Yes?”

“Tell me why it is that out lovely Acting Grandmaster asked you to go over the ledgers when I was assigned to that exact thing yesterday?”

Ignoring the blotches of red that immediately spread across your cheeks Kaeya stood up. Carefully going to clean the glass he’d been using he stared into the sink, not trusting himself to look at you. If he did all the words he wanted to say would fly out at once, and something that probably shouldn’t be said with them.

“Did she ask you that? How odd! She must’ve wanted a second pair of eyes or something, I guess.”

“Are my eyes not good enough?”

“Kaeya, you know I wasn’t insulting your work.” A sort of shocked irritation ran through your voice. “You’re the best knight in Mondstadt after all.”

“Oh really? Well if you think so highly of me then why have you been avoiding me so much?”

“I haven’t been avoiding you.”

“Then let me ask a different question; when was the last time we walked home together?”

“I don’t know, a week and a half ago?”

“Try two and a half.” Kaeya finally turned around, drumming his fingers on the counter. “Why are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you!” Indignation shot through your words as you shook your head. “I’m just busy recently.”

“Busy with made up work.”

“It’s not made up!”

“Oh really, then tell me what was your work last night?”

“I had to oil the bow strings for my regiment.”

“They couldn’t do it themselves according to protocol?”

“Not the new recruits they couldn’t!”

“Then what about the day before?”

“Kaeya!” You finally burst out. “I don’t know why you’re so quick to find fault with me right now! Just tell me what you’re getting at, if you’re going to insult me you might as well do it head on.”

A part of him admired you for wanting to look at the problem right in the face, another part of him thought of how well you knew him, how attuned you were to his moods. Just as he had figured out that you were avoiding him, so could you tell that his jabs were a misdirection. It was almost funny really, seeing the things you both had picked up about one another now used at the end.

“Fine.” Kaeya crossed his arms, hoping his expression was at least somewhat neutral. “It seems obvious to me that you’ve been avoiding me, and that you no longer want my company. What I am getting at is the fact that you want to break up, and that you evidently trust me so little with that fact that the only solution you’ve come up with is to avoid me.”

Your face went slack with shock, pupils turning to pinpricks as you stumbled backwards. Finally letting your arms fall to your sides you grabbed the side of the doorframe, as if unable to process what he just come out of your partner’s mouth.

“What?”

“Do you really trust me so little?” Kaeya pressed on, feeling his emotions begin to spill over. “Am I really so untrustworthy that you can’t even tell me you want to end things? Am I, am I really that untrustworthy?”

Everything seemed to be going all wrong. Kaeya had expected you to immediately fess up, had expected guilt and relief and then the end. Instead all he got was incredulous silence, incredulous silence and a look that screamed utter and total disbelief.

“Do you really think that I would do that to you?”

The question was a simple enough one, one that anyone might ask during a conversation of this nature. Still your tone was so dispassionate that Kaeya couldn’t help but pause. Did he really think that you would do such a thing? His anger certainly thought so, helped a great deal by his current buzzed state. All that aside however, did he really think that? When he woke up tomorrow, would these thoughts still be swirling through his head, these angry thoughts that threatened to burn through his happiness.

“I don’t know.” It was the best answer he could give.

“Then why would you accuse me of something you weren’t even sure of?”

“I…”

“Kaeya have you really thought so little about what you just told me?”

He almost wanted to apologize for how stupid his words seemed in retrospect.

“Would it help you if I told you where I actually was?”

Your voice was still quiet, but not entirely closed. Nodding stiffly Kaeya felt his fingers still.

“Very well. You were right about one thing, I wasn’t actually checking the ledgers for Jean; and I wasn’t oiling bowstrings all day either, I mean our troops should know how to do that at least. But you made one mistake in your judgement Kaeya, the idea that I was avoiding you. In truth I was gathering materials, I wanted to make a new sword for you. Your current one is so brittle and since I know you don’t want to use the sword you were given as an heirloom, well I thought that I wouldn’t wait for your current one to break and that your new one would be a present.”

“…I see.”

It was all Kaeya could get out; how else could he reply? Shame and guilt mingled within his mind, quickly dousing any anger that he might’ve felt. He really fucked up this one didn’t he. He let his emotions slip once more and now he had made a fool of himself. More than that he had refused to trust you, had ended up doing the exact thing he had just accused you of. Now what was there to do? He couldn’t exactly slink away with his dignity; even if he had managed to retain that, there weren’t many places to go.

“I’m sorry.”

“What?”

Kaeya jerked his head up from the spot he’d been examining on the floor, confused by the sudden turn of the conversation. You stared into his eyes, shrugging slightly.

“I said I’m sorry. I’m sorry Kaeya, I should’ve come up with a better method. I didn’t mean to make you worried, or to make you feel like I wanted to no longer associate with you. Believe me that’s the last thing I want to do. So I’m sorry that I made you feel that way.”

“I was the one who accused you of all those things that weren’t true.”

“You did. I’m not very happy about that to be honest; you’re going to be doing some serious penance for the next week. I just figured that before that I would apologize. Then we could be even. Okay?”

Reaching out your hand Kaeya finally noticed what you’d been hiding. The windwheel aster was slightly limp, the breeze that gave it its beauty nowhere to be found. Nevertheless it seemed at the moment the most beautiful flower in the world. Walking over to you Kaeya tentatively took the flower in his hand. Smiling softly he leaned down to kiss you.

“I’m sorry.”

Tomorrow he’d start making it up to you. Tomorrow he wouldn’t listen to his demons, wouldn’t let his own lack of self-worth hurt you. Tomorrow he would do better by you and more. Today he would say sorry.

After all, he had plenty of time.

[astaroth1357]

Lucifer? I Shrunk the MC…

I thought of the title and was like, “And I’m gonna not do anything with that?” Experimenting with format. Feel this one is a hot mess but, oh well, it was fun to write and that's what I care about.

Scene: 

Satan scrambles around his room, knocking over stacks of books and flinging others this way and that. All the while he can't quite stop himself from rambling, "Okay, don't panic. I know I can fix this. I have a spellbook around here somewhere… No, not this shelf… Hold on."

Meanwhile, MC is sitting on the pillow to his bed, practically engulfed in it because they're now only 3 inches tall. The result of yet another enchanted book mishap. This time it was an old tome left on the ground that they happened to trip over. As they watch Satan shuffle urgently through his bookshelves, they sigh and prepare themselves for yet another misadventure. It took five days for the last enchantment to wear off so they may as well get comfy…

"Take your time…"

Reactions:

Lucifer

His immense displeasure about the whole debacle cannot be understated.

Honestly, why doesn't Satan take better care of his things?? He should at least try to keep the powerful items out of the walkways!

Gets into a 3 hour screaming match when he sets Satan's punishment as giving a fourth of his book collection to the school library. Fully expects to find his things "mysteriously" cursed for the next few months.

He does find tiny!MC pretty amusing though.

If he thought they were fragile and helpless before well… now they can hardly lift a fork.

Makes triple sure that his brothers understand that if they're not careful with them, punishments will be extra severe.

Quadruple sure with Mammon.

Doesn't mind carrying tiny!MC places, mostly on his shoulder.

Lets them whisper jokes and funny asides in his ear during particularly dry meetings.

Mammon

First, he laughed because this shit is funny. Not only did Satan fuck up but the MC is now the size of his index finger! He could punt them like a paper football! (not that he ever would)

Next, he immediately starts trying to figure out how to use their new size in his schemes. He's talkin' infiltration baby!

Whether or not tiny!MC goes along with his less-than-legal ideas, he sort of loves that they're so small now anyway.

1) He can carry them around on his head or on his shoulder which is just convenient AND highlights that they're his to other people even more.

2) Watching them trying to do normal things is just hilarious! They get winded from just trying to use a pencil to write a sentence on normal sized paper.

3) Will never admit it, but the feeling of their tiny little arms hugging his cheek is one of those things he never knew he needed until now.

Leviathan 

Almost choked on his drink when Mammon plopped tiny!MC on his computer desk.

It was like someone made a little figurine of them! But this one could also walk around and say nice things to him!!

A little disappointed that it's practically impossible for them to play games like this, I mean they're smaller than the controllers.

Totally makes up for it by getting them to pose with his figurines. He never thought he'd be able to get a snapshot of MC and Ruri-chan together like that! It almost makes his figure look life-sized! If only… 

Lays a pillow on his lap and lets them nap on it while he games. Can never bring himself to wake them up so he'll stay in place long past the point of being comfortable just so they can sleep soundly.

Didn't notice he accidentally knocked them over into a Beel-sized popcorn bowl (which is more like a popcorn cauldron) while they were having an anime marathon. It took five minutes to hear their little shouts and he had to fish them out. Thanked their father that Beel hadn't actually joined in that night because they may have been gobbled up….

Satan

Is really, truly, genuinely sorry that he shrunk the MC...still thinks it's bullshit that he has to give away his books though.

Tries to make up for his mistake by helping them with whatever they need. He'll take notes for them in class, prepare finger food so that they have more manageable portions, and does all the "heavy lifting" for them when he can.

Continues to assure them that the spell is only temporary but also consults Solomon and pours over as many books that he can find on the subject just to make sure. He loses a bit of sleep over this.

Is the first to step in if he feels like his brothers aren't being careful enough around them. He already feels terrible that he got them into this mess, the last thing he wants is to see them get hurt over it too.

Treats them extra gentle, like they're made porcelain, the entire time. He won't hold them with a clenched fist so he lets them sit or lounge on his palm when they travel.

Chucked Levi out a window and into a tree after he heard about the popcorn incident.

Asmodeus

Adores tiny!MC, they're so freaking cute like this!!

Takes it upon himself to help them with the more intimate things, like how are they going to bathe or change clothes??

Goes out and buys a bunch of doll furniture and tiny outfits like this whole thing won't just wear off in a few days.

Pretty much sets up a little dollhouse in his room for them to use when they just want to be around things their own size.

Takes a shit ton of pictures though, them trying on the outfits, using the furniture, just being super smol and adorable, it doesn't matter he is all over this!

Lives for tiny kisses. It's like getting brushed by a feather on your cheeks, nose, and fingers!

Beelzebub 

Would die for tiny!MC in a heartbeat and is not ashamed to admit it.

He saw them happily chowing down on a grape about the size of their head and that was it. He was done. Ready sign his life away to this bite-sized human being.

Loves to bring them tiny snacks or break off a piece of what he's eating and watch them try to eat it. All food looks so much bigger in their little hands that he briefly considers having Satan shrink him too. Belphie talks him out of it, something about the blackhole in his stomach collapsing in on itself...

Was really cautious with them at first, though, considering he was already a lot stronger than they were to start with and suddenly they got a lot more fragile. But the MC eventually assures him that they have faith he won't hurt them.

Still the most anxious of the brothers about it. He always makes sure to watch where he's going, triple check beneath his feet, and slow the pace of his eating down enough to process what goes in his mouth BEFORE it gets there.

Is also glad he wasn't there for the popcorn incident. And got Levi out of that tree.

Belphegor 

Very conflicted about it honestly. On one hand, they're too small to sleep with anymore. He could roll over and suffocate them. But on another they're just so… cute.

...And so terribly easy to mess with now. He could knock them over if he blows hard enough, never mind poking them.

One morning he was feeling particularly malicious and put their little shoes at the other end of the dining room table. That amounted to like a two-mile jog for them. He couldn’t help but laugh at their tiny fists hitting his palm when they finally got there.

After Satan cursed his favorite pillow to scream every time he put his head on it he stopped being so mean.

Made up with the MC by sacrificing some of his pillow stuffing in order to make them a tiny bed he could carry around. If he couldn't sleep with them, he could at least sleep near them.

When that wasn't enough they made him do laps around the House with Beel. It was around the time that he was about to collapse into the flowerbeds that they found Levi dangling from that tree. He'd have laughed if his sides weren't already splitting… So much... running...

[1plus1kiyoomi]

Chapter 22: How I Met Your Mother

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[masterlist]

“Okay, listen up my children!” Kiyoomi announces in the middle of the living room, the kids all looking up to him. “Your mother won’t be around for 3 days-”

Kin starts crying because of his father’s words, taking Sakusa aback. His boy must love you so much since he’s the only who seems affected that you are away. The girls... don’t care.

“Don’t cry! Don’t cry! We are only 30 minutes in and you’re already crying,” Kiyoomi sighs, picking Kin up from the ground.

“You should not have mentioned mama,” Kia scolds him. Kia takes a seat on the couch which Mina and Mira follows. She is their leader, not Kiyoomi. If a hierarchy is made in your house it would turn out like this:

You

Kia

Mina

Mira

Kin

Kiyoomi

Yes. Sakusa Kiyoomi, the provider and the pillar of the house, is at the lowest ranking in your house, simply because he isn’t around all the time. He only goes home once or twice a month, leaving all the childcare and managing of the house to you. The wedding planning is only the side dish of what’s on your plate. He has so much respect for you that he’s willing to lower his pride and hurt his ego.

Kiyoomi is more than happy to take care of the kids for you. You get to rest and he gets to spend time with your children. It’s a win-win situation for the two of you.

“Mama!” Kin cries harder, and Sakusa bounces him on his arm, hoping it will stop him.

“If you stop crying we will go see the fish!” Kiyoomi cheers and Kin stops crying. “We will change now and then go see fish.”

“Really?” Kia questions her father, already old enough to be aware of Kiyoomi’s fear of crowds and germs. She knows that there is no way that their dad will bring the four of them in the aquarium. Especially since it’s a weekend, so it’ll be packed with people.

And Kia was right. Kiyoomi didn’t bring them to the aquarium, but to a small fish market. Kia is disappointed but not surprised. At least Kiyoomi tried, right? “Where’s the fish?” Kin asks, looking around as he sits in his stroller. The place only has a few people and small stalls, which Kiyoomi really likes.

They stop in front of a stall where fish are laid on trays of ice, shocking the twins. Kia just face palms, and Mina is just standing there but is also in disbelief. “What? It’s fish.” Kiyoomi defends himself, shrugging.

“It’s dead,” Mina remarks as she stares at the deceased sea creatures in front of her.

“A fish is a fish,” Kiyoomi argues. Kia scans through the surrounding and spots a small tank with king crabs in it. She points at it so they go to it. Kin and Mira are now out of their stroller and are almost glued to the glass tank. The owner of the shop comes out asks if they’re going to it at the store. Kiyoomi says yes, since the kids look so excited to be seeing crab for the first time.

What he didn’t take in account is that the kids will recognize that the crab they were staring at outside is now their food. Cue the loud crying from Kin and Mira. The number of times Kia has face palmed because of her father is uncountable. Mina is chill, playing with the claws of the cooked crab, making her younger siblings cry even more.

“Stop crying. Try it!” Mina puts a piece of meat in Mira’s mouth and she stops. Kin halts as well, confused why his twin stopped wailing. Kia feeds him the crab and he falls in love with it. Kiyoomi sighs in relief, very thankful that he has reliable daughters.

One task done.

Their lunch finally ends and they head to the toy store. Kiyoomi has already planned to buy kinetic sand for the twins since he can’t bring them to the beach. It’s a scary place. He might be the most cautious guy in the country, but he’s still like any clumsy father. The chances of him losing one kid at that place is high.

“Do you wanna walk?” Kiyoomi asks the twins, not wanting to carry a stroller around. The two nod so he takes out the safety harness and puts it on them. Mina and Kia are holding hands, walking obediently beside their father. The family of 5 enters the store and the kids become excited immediately.

“We can buy anything we want?” Kia asks in awe, which Kiyoomi just nods to. “Let’s go Mina!”

“Don’t go with strangers, okay?” Kiyoomi tells them as the two run off somewhere in the store. He picks up tubs of kinetic sand, clay, and slime. Then, he follows the twins around the store, picking up whatever they seemed interested in.

“You want that toy car?” Kiyoomi asks Mira, picking them up from the ground so they can see a clearer view of the toys. Kin points at a toy gun at another shelf. “I’m sorry, buddy, but you can’t use that yet, and maybe your mama will shoot me using that if she finds out I bought you one.”

As Kiyoomi and the twins are picking more stuffed animals, Kia and Mina come running towards him. “Papa! Papa! Can I buy a bike?” Kia pleads, tugging on Kiyoomi’s pants. He takes a deep breath in before agreeing to his eldest daughter.

“Where are your toys?” Kiyoomi asks them, seeing that the two girls are empty handed.

“I only want a bike and Mina wants a picture book,” Kia answers. Kiyoomi furrows his eyebrows in disappointment, but in his mind he’s actually really happy that the girls seem to be taking saving into consideration.

“Are you sure?” Kiyoomi raises an eyebrow at them.

“Can I buy a skateboard too...?” Kia shyly requests, doing a cute pose. Kiyoomi chuckles and agrees with her.

“How about you Minari?” Kiyoomi asks the younger girl.

“I want paint,” Kia nonchalantly says and Kiyoomi does a thumbs up to her. After that, they start to run to wherever they can get their wants. Kiyoomi walks after his kids, the twins already asleep in his arms, their heads on his shoulder. He spots Kia, scanning through the wide catalog of bikes, a small skateboard already tucked below her underarms.

“Can I get the blue one?” Kia tells the employee who is assisting her, pointing at the baby blue bike she wants.

“You don’t want the pink one?” The employee asks, presenting the pink bike. Kia looks at him in disgust.

“Do you think girls only like pink?” Kia remarks, taking the employee by surprise. Kiyoomi smiles under his mask, amused by his daughter’s words. He internally taps the his back because he’s pretty much the reason behind her attitude. He’s proud to say that he has raised his children not to believe in gender norms.

Kiyoomi feels someone tug on his pants, so he looks down and sees Mina holding a small cart filled with coloring materials, picture books and papers. “Is that all you want?” Mina nods and holds his hand.

After checking Kia’s bike they head to the cashier to pay. Kiyoomi then realizes that he has done the one thing you told him not to do. Spend money on the kids. But you won’t know right?

One task has been failed.

As they reach the house, all the kids immediately go to the bathroom to wash. Kiyoomi knows that they adapted this habit from him, and he feels happy that they’re understanding his personality even at a young age. Kia even sprays alcohol in her sibling’s hand every time they come back to the car. It’s the little things his little kids are doing for him that makes him love them even more.

The four of them falls asleep after the bath so Kiyoomi arranges the stuff they bought. As he is arranging Mina’s books, he notices the abundant number of books that included dogs. “Does she likes dogs?”

Kiyoomi is tired. He has never felt this tired after intense games or practices. Childcare is a whole new level of tired. Just when he thought he can rest, Mina walks out of her shared room with Kia. “Hi, baby. Did you sleep well?” Kiyoomi asks Mina which she doesn’t respond to. Instead, she comes close to him and hugs his leg. Surprisingly, Mina starts crying. “What’s wrong?”

“I missed you, papa,” Mina explains. Kiyoomi sits on the foamed floor of the living room, giving Mina a hug.

Mina has always been quiet. She always waits for her turn silently. She never begs for attention even if she wants it deeply. Mina only shows affection towards you and Kiyoomi when she’s alone with you, but with her siblings around, she gives way to them. Sometimes, Kiyoomi feels guilty because of this. Unlike Kia, Mina has never spent time with you and Kiyoomi on her own. Plus, she was then followed by the twins when she was still a baby. He’s afraid that Mina might start thinking that she is less important than her siblings.

“I missed you, too, Minari,” Kiyoomi says back. He puckers his lips so Mina gives him a short kiss. He hugs her once again, calming her down from her cry. She calms down so Kiyoomi takes this as a chance to trim her bangs. “Should we cut your hair?”

The two of them go to your shared bathroom as quiet as they can, not wanting to wake the other kids up. Kiyoomi sits Mina down on the sink, then takes a pair of scissors out of the drawers. “Don’t move, okay?” He starts to cut her bangs, thinking he’s doing a good job. But once he lets go of her hair, the room becomes silent.

Sakusa messed up. Big time.

Mina checks her reflection at the mirror and giggles. “Weird,” Mina says in between laughter, causing Kiyoomi to chuckle as well.

“Your mom will be so mad at me...” He cuts some more length off, but no matter how hard he tries, it’s just an uneven. He then decides to stop, not wanting his daughter to look like an unidentified animal.

“I like it, papa. Thank you.” She doesn’t like it, but she doesn’t want to break her father’s heart. Mina hugs Kiyoomi after taking a look at the mirror. Kiyoomi kisses her cheek, then laughs at the result.

“You’re still cute.”

Two tasks done.

As they return to the living room, they see Kia sitting on the living room couch, staring at the wall emptily. She sees Mina’s new hairstyle and grimaces. “You’re bad at cutting hair, papa,” Kia says, unfiltered. Unlike Mina who is considerate like you, Kia is as blunt as Kiyoomi. He doesn’t say anything back since she was right.

“Can you teach Mina the alphabet while I make dinner?” Kiyoomi requests and Kia nods in agreement. Mina goes to Kia while Kiyoomi goes to the kitchen to make dinner. He’s thankful that he has such a reliable daughter. He would probably not make it without Kia around.

Three tasks done. Somehow.

At first, Kia was teaching Mina the alphabet, but then she had to go to Kiyoomi’s bathroom to wash her hands, and that’s when she saw Kiyoomi’s ripped jeans that he wore a day before in the laundry basket. She hurriedly called Mina and ordered her to bring paper and glue.

“Is papa poor?” Mina gasps as Kia presents the ripped jeans to her. They sadly look at the piece of clothing and feel bad for buying so much at the toy store while their father was wearing clothes with holes in it.

The older girl flattens the pair of jeans on the floor and starts to glue the colored paper over the torn parts. Mina mimics Kia and does the same thing to the other leg of the pants. Kiyoomi, still in the kitchen, wonders why he suddenly can’t hear his children. It’s never good when they’re silent.

“Kia! Mina! Where are you?” Kiyoomi shouts and he hears small footsteps coming from his room. He checks over the counter and sees his pants are now covered in decorative paper. He almost drops the knife he is holding from the sudden transformation of his pants.

“We covered the holes in your pants papa! You might get cold!” Kia reasons as she shows off their little project. How can he get mad at them when they are just worried about him?

“Thank you, Kia, Mina,” he laughs and snaps a picture of them on his phone. Things that his kids do that don’t make sense but is damn adorable.

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“Just go to bed. I beg you,” Kiyoomi pleads to his children who are still jumping on the bed. “It’s already almost 12AM. Please sleep.”

Kiyoomi is damn tired. How do you handle the four of them on your own? He suddenly feels bad for leaving you alone with them. And he hasn’t heard a complain from you even once. His love for you has become deeper just from taking care of the kids in one day.

“Bedtime story!” Kia cheers, putting herself inside the blanket, which her siblings follow. Kiyoomi sighs in relief. Finally.

“What kind of story do you want?” Kiyoomi tucks the blankets properly on their bodies, making sure that the four of them are comfortable in his bed.

“How did you meet mama?” Kia asks, causing Kiyoomi to smile.

“How I met your mother, huh?” Kiyoomi hums, thinking about how you first met. His smile grows, remembering every detail of how you met.

The first time Sakusa had met you was in Itachiyama. You were outside the volleyball gym, and he was on his way to practice. For some odd reason, you were smelling the roses by the wall. He thought you were the weirdest person he had encountered and judged you right then and there. After that, he would notice how you came to the same spot to smell the roses every single day. He didn’t even understand what smelled so good about them. He may or may have not tried smelling them after practice just to check why you kept smelling them.

It went on for weeks, but Sakusa never thought of talking to you. He just didn’t see see a reason why he should. Until one day, it rained so heavily that he became so worried for unknown reasons. On his way to practice, he stopped by the usual spot where you would smell the flowers and he didn’t see you there. Of course you wouldn’t be there, it was raining so hard. He didn’t care about you.

He was sure he didn’t care until he found himself carrying a bouquet of roses one morning to give it to you. He couldn’t believe it himself. But he couldn’t contain his feelings anymore.

You were a virus that slowly corrupted his mind that all he could think of is you. Maybe it be in class, during practice, on his way home, before he sleeps, after he wakes and sometimes he even dreams about you. Your virus then slowly travelled to his heart. He couldn’t explain it but every time he saw you, his heart would pound so fast he felt like he would suffer from cardiac arrest.

But it was also you who soothed him. When he was feeling down, he thought of your smile after you smelled the roses and he’s back up again. The calm he felt when he passed by you in hallways was enough to encourage him to do great in practice and in games. He didn’t even know your name but he already has a mission of taking your last name and replacing it with his.

You were his illness and his cure.

His cousin, Komori, wasn’t surprised to see him standing by the school gates with flowers in his hands. As the libero saw the roses, he immediately knew Sakusa was waiting for you.

Sakusa was never quiet about his feelings judgement towards you. Everyday the spiker would complain to the libero about how weird you were. Each day, Sakusa had something new to complain about. You cut your hair? He would say it Komori. You painted your nails a new color? Komori would hear about it. You were wearing a different bag? Komori definitely knew about it from Sakusa.

Komori had concluded that Sakusa had developed a liking towards you but the latter hadn’t notice yet. So when it rained hard the day before and Sakusa’s plays were bad, Komori knew Sakusa would do something about it. Sakusa was an honest man, even to himself, especially to himself.

You were on your way to school, when you saw Sakusa standing by the gates. Of course you knew him. He was famous in your school despite his too blunt personality and germaphobic tendencies. You had a little crush on him, but you also were aware he’d never like you back. You’d go outside their gym everyday to smell on the flowers and see him. He was a happy a crush. So, seeing him with flowers outside your school broke your heart.

‘So he had a lover, huh?’

You walked past him, head lowered in defeat. You heard murmurs and whispers as you continued to walk but you ignore them, head full of sad thoughts. Suddenly, you felt a hand on your shoulder so you turned your head and saw Sakusa standing before you, handing you the bundle of flowers. Everyone else was staring at you and Komori was hiding somewhere, taking a picture of the commotion.

“I think you got the wrong person,” you chuckled awkwardly, not knowing what to do since other students were looking at the two of you. And Sakusa Kiyoomi, the ace of the volleyball team, your happy crush, the man of your dreams, was handing you a bouquet of roses.

“You’re the girl who smells the roses outside our gym every afternoon, right?” Sakusa said as he pulled his mask down.

You literally short circuited. He was much more taller and more gorgeous up close. He smelled good, too. But what surprised you the most was that he lowered his mask to talk to you. Maybe you saved the world once in your past life to be able to experience this.

You nodded unsurely, glancing around you in nervousness, not able to look him in the eye. “Forecast said it’ll rain later in the afternoon so you won’t be able to smell the flowers outside the gym. So take this.” Sakusa explained to you.

You couldn’t believe it. The boy who you had a secret crush on since the first day of school had noticed you. You didn’t expect anything at all. Considering how he was with people, you thought you didn’t have a chance so you never made a move aside from stealing glances and watching from a far. To say that your heart was beating fast and that you felt butterflies in your stomach was an understatement. One more word from him and you would probably burst.

“Is that so?” A smile slowly grew on your lips, finally making eye contact with him. You were trying so hard to play it cool, but your reddening cheeks were giving you off. “Thank you. I’m (Y/N) by the way.”

“You can call me Kiyoomi.”

“And from that day on, I would bring your mother a rose everyday,” Sakusa tells Kia, fondly looking his children, the products of your love.

“So you liked mama ever since you met her?” Kia asks, seeing her father smile foolishly. A small giggle leaves Kiyoomi’s mouth and Kia teases him. “Papa is a simp.”

“Where did you learn that?” Kiyoomi gasps.

“Momo,” Kia answers and Kiyoomi takes a mental note to smack his cousin when he sees him again. “Papa, do you love mama?”

“We wouldn’t have the four of you if I don’t,” Kiyoomi answers with a chuckle. He checks his other kids and they have already fallen asleep. “Now go to sleep.”

“Good night, papa,” Kia greets him before closing her eyes. “I love you and mama so much. I am happy you are our parents.”

“We love you more.” He kisses their forehead one by one, before settling on the edge of the bed. He takes his phone out and messages you, hoping you were still awake.

All tasks complete.

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Facts:

Kia is already 5 years old at this, while Mina is 2 and the twins are 1.

Mina thinks dogs are cute because Komori looks like one and he is her favorite uncle.

Mira is the quiet twin while Kin is the more vocal one.

Kin likes fish because the last time Hinata came over, he showed him a picture of his gold fish. Hinata is Kin’s favorite.

Bokuto is Kia’s new favorite uncle/boyfriend because Atsumu has children and Kita is married. She doesn’t want to get in trouble.

Mira is loyal to Kiyoomi.

Taglist:  @elianetsantana​​ @aoi-turtle @ptv-hades  @aquzairus @a-applepi  @justoneofthefangirlsarianna-r13 @morenabambinii @chaelysian @loser-keiji​​ @mxngy @ne-kuroon1fangirlsblog @d-efend @missalicebaskervillemarvelousbakugou @agaashesmilktea​ @bonkyandloki @kimi09 @ntimacy @mkazuyuh  @ushi-please @minty-mangos-world @dearest-kiyoomi​ @yeehawslap  @onlyshinji @obsessedwhxre @adrasteiaxandromedaa @abuliawrites @song-of-storms162 @tnu-ree @keichainn  @bunnybitesthedust @lililiynx  @maitenight @prettyinblack231  @hyoonx23

[kenmei]

-ˏˋ I JUST HOPE YOUR FEELINGS WON’T CHANGE ˊˎ-

♡ gn!reader x boyfriend!tsukishima kei

cw: hurt/comfort, sleepless nights, touchy subjects (tbh idk what to “name” the touchy subject cuz i refuse to find out, but there’s also some abandonment issues mixed in if u squint)

synopsis: sleeping doesn’t come so easily sometimes, but on those nights, he makes it a little bit easier

wc: 950+

notes from mei!

idk when tsukishima became one of my comfort characters but he did

(also, happy 300<3 i feel like this doesn’t quite suffice but i hope u enjoy anyway (: )

again. you take a deep breath, but it feels like none of that air makes it to your lungs.

again. and it doesn’t work and you panic races through your veins. hiding your face in the soft exterior of your stuffed animal, because maybe then your chest won’t feel so tense. (maybe it’s embarrassing, for being so well into your adult years but still sleeping with a toy you’ve had since your early teens, but frankly, you don’t care).

you turn onto your back. it doesn’t feel right.

nothing feels right.

you feel bad. with the amount of tossing and turning you’re doing, you know tsukishima is either awake, or is about to wake up.

(turns out he’s already been awake since you first let out a sigh ten minutes ago).

“what are you doing?” he grumbles sleepily when you sit up, reaching out to you half-asleep. his hand latches onto the back of your shirt lightly, as if he already knows the white lies about to tumble from your lips.

“water, then pee.” you mumble, standing up. you turn around, snatching the stuffed animal that lays in your place.

shuffling out of the bedroom, you walk by the bathroom, going straight to the couch. water doesn’t even cross your mind.

you sit there, clutching the stuffed toy to your chest tightly, staring into nothing.

empty. these walls ornamented with little home decorations, a picture of you and him sitting in the shelf beside the tv, the lone flower he brought home the other night sitting on the island counter (you remember how that night, you slept happily, with no weight in your chest and air travelling easily into your lungs)—all of it seems to disappear.

it’s just you and bland walls.

bland walls you hate, the sleep you so want to sleep but for some reason, you just can’t. your eyelids are heavy and your body falls to the side, but just as you feel the comforting drowsiness hit you, it disappears.

and then it’s just you and the bland walls again.

“liar.” you hear, and you look up.

kei’s leaning on the wall, glasses-free and a hand reaching up his shirt to scratch his tummy. his hair is tousled from sleep as he stalks over to you.

he sits down beside you.

something tells you to sit up, so you do.

you’re still wrapped around the stuffed toy, but you lean your head on his shoulder.

“come here.” he mumbles, gesturing to his lap. you hesitate, looking up at him. kei looks at you, eyes soft as he tucks a strand of hair behind your ear.

you crawl into his lap, leaving the stuffed toy to sit where you were. his arms wrap around you and breathing feels a little bit easier.

he doesn’t ask you to talk, he never does. instead, he plays with your hair, large hand running up and down your back, as if he’s saying i’m here. kei sighs quietly, his head tilting back onto the headrest of the couch.

your face is hidden in the juncture of his neck. he hears you mumble a quiet, “sorry, kei.”

fingers massage your scalp. you can’t see, but his eyes shift to you. “don’t say sorry.”

you shake your head, arms wrapping around him. gently, (and so unlike his usual stoic character), kei places a kiss on your head. his lips uncharacteristically linger there for few more seconds, “do you want to stay here?”

with a shake of your head, he grabs the stuffed toy, bringing you back to your shared bedroom. (whether he carried you or not, that’s all up to you).

he lays you down, hooking his chin over your shoulder. he messes with the stuffed animal that’s back to being clutched to your chest and a smile breaks onto your lips. albeit small, to him, it’s more than enough.

“i’ll be here when you wake up.”

his warmth pressing into your back, and his words that say more to you than the classic i love you—it makes your chest swell with happiness, but it’s underlined with the fear that he’ll leave, that he’ll get sick of you like everyone else did, because you’re just that difficult.

(you worry that if he sees more of the you that’s so unpleasant, he’ll leave. and as much as you try to tell yourself you’re prepared because everyone leaves, when he holds you like this, you know that you’ll never be anywhere near prepared).

you’ve never been loved like this, so it almost doesn’t feel real; where words mumbled half-asleep, are enough to make you feel safe, where his touch is enough to bring you back down from whatever void is keeping you hostage.

you’ve never been loved like how he loves you. as rough his edges are, there’s still that thing about him that you can’t put your finger on. wherever you are, whatever room with bland walls you’re trapped in, he’s there. he opens the door for you, waiting patiently for you to take those daunting but desperate steps until you’re outside.

in the midst of a slow, torturous night, his arms tighten around you just a bit as you feel yourself fall into that blissful drowsiness you’ve been chasing after. as you feel the tightness in your chest unravel, you also feel forever.

forever, with him, where your nights aren’t so painful.

forever, by his side, where everything feels right.

and even if it isn’t forever, you know that what he’s taught you (about love, the world and everything in between), will stay with you because he means that much to you.

but when you feel his lips kiss your shoulder as you tumble into sleep, you feel that perhaps, forever is already in your hands.

[rax-writes]

Love Letters

Fandom:  Stranger Things Pairing:  Steve Harrington x Reader Warnings:  None Notes:  Once again, I thank @mxgyver​ for the inspiration. It appears that we’re both suckers for mutual pining. ♥

As you waved goodbye to your two best friends and left Scoops Ahoy, Robin watched Steve intently. She took note of the goofy, love-struck smile on his face, and the way he blatantly stared at your ass as you walked away, and she couldn’t help but laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Steve asked, redirecting his attention from you to his coworker – but only after you were completely out of his line of sight, not wanting to miss a second of his opportunity to admire you.

“You’ve got it bad, Harrington,” Robin observed, still chuckling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Steve said, shrugging with feigned nonchalance as he leaned against the counter.

“Sure you don’t,” Robin responded sarcastically, rolling her eyes. “You need to just ask her out already.”

“Why? Do you think she’d say yes?” Steve asked quickly – a bit too quickly – which caused Robin to start laughing again. “Hey, I’m serious! You’ve been friends with her for way longer than I have. If anybody would know whether or not she likes me, it’d be you. So, come on, spill the beans.”

Steve wasn’t wrong. You and Robin had been best friends since middle school, but you had only recently befriended Steve, after you’d both gotten wrapped up in the Demodogs / Upside Down situation last fall. And yes, she definitely knew how you felt about him – specifically the ginormous crush you’d developed on “King Steve.”

Before now, Robin never would have pictured the two of you together. You used to be more of the nerdy type, preferring to keep to yourself and your few friends, whereas Steve was one of the most popular kids in high school. But now that she knew Steve outside of school, and from seeing how the two of you interact with one another – she thought you were the perfect pair.

“Well, obviously, I would be a terrible best friend if I were to, as you say, ‘spill the beans,’” Robin began, using air quotes to reference his previous comment.

“So there are beans to spill,” he noted, sounding excited.

Ignoring him, Robin continued, “However, I will say this: You remember that teddy bear you gave her earlier this year? That tiny, little red one?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, smiling warmly at the memory. “She wouldn’t admit it, but she was kind of sad because nobody sent her one of those dumb, anonymous carnations on Valentine’s Day at school, and everybody else had gotten at least one. So I ditched last period to run to the store and get her something, and that bear was pretty much all they had left. It wasn’t exactly what I had in mind, but she seemed to like it. She’s probably thrown it away by now, though.”

“She sleeps with it every single night.” Robin watched as Steve’s eyebrows raised slightly in surprise. “And the carnation you got? With the little note that said “I think you’re perfect”? That was from her.”

“What?!” he exclaimed, his jaw dropping. “There’s no way! I thought – I hoped it was her, so I compared her handwriting to the note, but it didn’t match!”

“That’s because she had me write it for her, so you wouldn’t know it was her.”

“Why didn’t she want me to know?” Steve asked, sadness tinting his voice. “I’d have asked her out on the spot.”

“I asked her the same thing, but she was adamant that you didn’t see her that way at all. She was worried that things between you would get weird if you knew the note was from her, but she still wanted to get it off her chest in some way, even if it was in secret.”

“Wow,” he murmured, staring at the ground in shock. “She’s the smartest girl I know, but she’s somehow so clueless…. I’ve been in love with her for months.”

“Well, I’ve said too much already, but I’ll reiterate: you need to ask her out already,” Robin stated, and Steve just nodded, lost in thought as he continued to stare blankly at the tile floor. After a couple seconds, he abruptly looked up at her, and she could practically see the lightbulb going off in his head.

“I know just the thing.”

Steve called you right when his shift ended at 4:00 PM, and asked you to come pick him up, claiming that his car wasn’t running and he needed a ride home. When you got there, he was waiting for you outside the mall, having changed out of his work uniform into a sweater and jeans (and touched up his hair, of course). He jogged over to your car just as you parked, and waved for you to roll down your window.

“Hey, before we go, would you mind coming in with me? There’s something I want to show you.”

If it had been anyone else, you might have said no, that you're tired and you'd rather just go home. But this was Steve, and he was looking at you with those big, brown puppy-dog eyes. So, you smiled and nodded at him, then got out of your car to follow him. He took a second to double-check the mall map just inside the front doors, then grabbed your hand, saying, “Come on, it’s this way.” You were really glad that he was busy navigating to wherever the hell it was he was taking you, because that meant he didn’t notice how red your face got.

The fact that Steve fucking Harrington was holding your hand dazed you to the point that you weren’t paying attention in the slightest as he led you through the mall. Eventually, he stopped in front of a store, which was evidently your destination. You looked up to see a sign saying ‘Build-A-Bear’ atop the doorway. Steve just grinned at you, excitement written all over his face, as you raised an eyebrow at him.

“Uh… are we at the right place?”

“Yep!” he answered simply, before pulling you inside. You tried to hide your frown as he let go of your hand, before he placed his hands on your shoulders and spun you to face the wall of... what appeared to be empty stuffed animal carcases. “Alright, pick one.”

It finally clicked then: he took you here to have you make one as a gift. You turned to him with a bright smile, “Really?”

“Yes, really,” he answered, mirroring your smile. “Whichever one you want.”

You spent a good ten minutes figuring out which you liked best, before deciding on a soft, dark brown bear. You told Steve that you just thought this one was the cutest, but really, it was the fact that its color reminded you of Steve’s eyes, and its fluffy fur reminded you of Steve’s hair. (And yes, you’re well aware that that’s super cheesy.) The employee smiled kindly at the two of you as you brought the bear over to her for stuffing. She gave you the same spiel that she’d have given a child – such as instructing you to place a kiss on the tiny felt heart before she put it in the bear’s chest, so “she’ll always know how much you love her!” Steve watched you with adoration as you followed along with all the steps, before the lady asked if you’d like to record something on their little gadget and place it in the bear’s paw, so that whenever you squeezed that spot, it would play.

“Yes, yes we do,” Steve interjected, and you glanced at him. He ignored your confusion, asking the woman, “Is it okay if I borrow it for a minute? I want to record something, but I don’t want my friend here to hear it just yet.”

The lady handed him the device, and he shot you a grin before holding up a finger to signal that he’d be back in one moment, then jogged outside the store. After about a minute, Steve jogged back in and returned it to the lady. You continued to look at him with a raised brow, but he ignored you, standing silently next to you as he watched the employee. She was careful to not press on the device, which would ruin Steve’s little surprise, as she placed it in the bear’s paw, then added your desired amount of stuffing to the bear with their fancy machine, sewed it up, and handed it back to you. She guided the two of you over to the register, where Steve paid for your bear, then walked with you out of the store, heading back to the parking lot.

“So when exactly am I allowed to listen to this super secret message?” you inquired, glancing up at Steve, who just smiled slightly. Wordlessly, he took your free hand, just as he had on the way to Build-A-Bear, and you held the bear tightly to your chest with your other arm. The same blush from before crawled its way up your neck and onto your face.

“You can in just a minute, when we get outside.”

You nodded, then cleared your throat and started speaking about the first thing that came to mind, to try and distract yourself so that the blush would fade. Unfortunately for you, what you ended up rambling about only caused you more embarrassment, and the blush worsened.

“I forgot to say it earlier, but thank you so much for getting this for me. It was an awesome surprise. This is probably kind of dumb, but I, uh… I’ve still got that one you gave me on Valentine’s Day. It’s getting kind of worn out, so –” you cut yourself off, realizing that you almost admitted to sleeping with the damn thing, which would probably sound super weird to him. “Well, I mean, it’s just sitting up on a shelf or whatever, so it’s not getting worn out, just… dusty. Yeah, it’s getting dusty. Um, anyway, this is a nice upgrade from that one, and I appreciate it.”

Steve chuckled as he nodded, then responded sincerely, “It’s no problem. I’m glad you like it – and I’m glad you kept the one from Valentine’s Day.”

He held the door open for you as you exited the mall, and headed back over to your car. The anticipation began to bubble up inside you, as you started to seriously wonder what in the world he would have said on the recording. Steve remained silent as you maneuvered through the parking lot, and both times you glanced at him, he looked almost… nervous? Must have been worrying about what’s wrong with his vehicle or something, you thought. Before you could ask, you’d arrived at your car, so you quickly leaned against the hood and faced him.

“Can I listen to it now?”

Steve took a deep breath, then gave you a worry-laced smile and said, “Yeah, go for it.”

You practically squealed with excitement as you held the bear in front of you and squeezed his paw, then you heard Steve’s voice through the tiny speaker.

“A little birdie told me that you’re the one who sent me that carnation on Valentine’s Day senior year. And I just wanted to say… I think you’re perfect, too. And I love you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

You felt your heart stop and your breath catch in your throat. You stared at the bear for a few moments, before you determined that yes, the recording had actually said that. It wasn’t a figment of your imagination. Steve Harrington just said that he loves you and asked you to be his girlfriend. Holy shit. Holy shit.

“So, um…” Steve began, snapping you out of your stupor. He cleared his throat and shoved his hands in his pockets. “If you don’t feel the same way, that’s totally fine. I mean, Valentine’s Day was months ago, so I get it if your feelings have changed or whatever. I just… I don’t know, I wanted to give it a shot, but you don’t –”

Without even thinking, you lunged at him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. You poured as much warmth and passion and love into the kiss as you could, and relished in the feeling of his arms wrapping around your waist, holding you tightly against his chest. It felt like the kiss lasted for an eternity, but it still wasn’t long enough before you pulled away slightly to catch your breath, and respond how you should have responded a few minutes ago, if you hadn’t been stunned to silence.

“Nothing has changed, Steve. I definitely still think you’re perfect. I love you too, and I want nothing more than to be your girlfriend.”

“Oh, thank God,” he muttered, then let out a loud exhale. “You got so quiet after you played the recording, I was scared shitless.”

“I’m sorry,” you said, chuckling at how visibly terrified he was. He just smiled at you.

“It’s okay. The most amazing, beautiful, intelligent, kind-hearted woman I’ve ever met is my girlfriend now, so I’d say I’m doing alright,” Steve quipped, then kissed you again, slower and sweeter this time. He abruptly pulled back a bit, “Oh yeah, by the way, my car is fine.”

“So this was all just a clever ruse to get me here, to Build-A-Bear?” you asked, grinning. Then a realization dawned on you. “Wait, Robin told you about the note?!”

Steve burst into laughter, then nodded. “Don’t be mad at her, though! She only told me about it to convince me to ask you out. Just like you with the carnation, I’ve been terrified to tell you how I feel, because I was scared to make things weird – or worse, lose you as a friend.”

“Hate to break it to ya, but you’re stuck with me, Stevie,” you stated, giving him another quick kiss. Steve smiled down at you, his eyes full of adoration.

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[suckmybigtoeoikawa]

I LOVE YOUR ENERGY WTF,, all of your writing is top tier omg,, i was wondering if i could request suna, semi, tendou, akaashi, and futakuchi w/ a short s/o who has like a tiny waist, small boobs, etc. except their butt is big?? like their petite and then bam big butt and wide hips?? does this even make sense?? thank you for reading this <33

Girll yessssss, I’m jealous I wish my body was like that, god daum 👴🏾

AND THANK YOU FOR GASSING ME UPP OMG 🤪👊🏾

Suna

🍃: he likes to lay on you

🍃: ENOUGH SAID

🍃: Suna is a ass man

🍃: your figure often has him confused in a good way, he likes how different you body is compared to the other girls

🍃: he’s the type to hug you while your staring and he’s sitting and he grabs you ass

🍃: he also may lay on your chest and on maybe on you butt

🍃: you guys also take a lot of selfies so yk those selfies where he holds onto your ass, yeah a lot of those

🍃: also the type to put his hands in your shirt

******

3:16 pm

You and Suna have been staying at each other’s houses back to back. This time you were at his house. I imagine that his bed is very comfy so you guys don’t wanna leave it and also it’s easy to fall asleep in it.

You usually wear hoodies whenever you come over his house but for some reason this time you were wearing a regular shirt.

“Do you think that that your a robot?” Suna asks

“Ayo what?”

“Like I saw this thing online and it just made me think like... what is I’m real and your not... you know”

“...🧍🏾‍♀️”

After a point less conversation about robots, you guys both started to drift off to sleep.

5:48 pm

You woke up in a sweat, and it was hella hot. You turn over to look at Suna and see him still rested peacefully. You look down and see that his hand was under your shirt and holding your boob.

👁👄👁

You didn’t know what to do but you decided to grab your phone and take a picture. Now whenever you show him he blushes and ask if the next time he can do it again, it’s up to you wether or not you wanna say yes or no 😌

Semi

◻️: I hate to say this so often but Semi is the type to get Jealous

◻️: and lemme just push some more publicity for my stories here 😌

◻️: so when he does get jealous best believe he’s gripping onto your hips 😌

◻️: probably gonna squeeze them to depending on how he be getting

◻️: you might have to shoo him off like

◻️: BACK 🤺 BACK 🤺 BACK I SAY🤺 BACK🤺

◻️: other than that I believe he’s pretty chill

◻️: his favorite part of you is your hips

◻️: he’s gonna use you as his personal heater, blanket, and stuffed animal

◻️: y’all will be watching movies or whatever and he’s gonna hold onto like his life depends on it 😩

*****

“You’re comfy” he says while nuzzling into your neck

“thank you” you say still engaged on the movie

Some more time goes by and at this point you the only one engaged in the movie, Semi is about to fall asleep.

“Sweetheart” he says in his raspy voice (AHHAHAHAHAHAHHHH I JUST GOT BUTTERFLIES)

“yes” you say still watching

“Can you turn over?” He asks

“what?” You say

“I said can you turn around real quick”

You turn to face him, but your body stays facing the the tv

“What do you need?” You ask

“Nooooo” he whines

“I need you to turn all the way around”

“Like do a 360?”

“No just stand up real quick”

You stand up and now your looking down at him

“Okay good now straddle me”

“But i wanna watch the movie” you say

He looks up at you with pleading eyes

“Pleaseeee, you can still watch the movie”

“.........fine” you give in and straddle him

“Is this what you wanted?” You say annoyed

“Yes” you can hear him smiling

He holds onto you with his dear life and starts to fall asleep, while you try to watch the movie almost snapping your neck 😐🔪

Tendou

💋: Simce your short yk, he believes that it’s his responsibility to take you everywhere

He may say stuff like

“Your so cute and Smol🥺😩”

“I wanna put you in my pocket 🥺”

💋: so then he thinks it’s okay to pick you up

💋: he picks you up while your straddling him so he has hands on your ass

💋: and he’s gonna take you everywhere

💋: He so happy that he’s with you

YOU BOOST HIS EGO SOOOO MUCH

💋: Since Tendou is insecure he so glad he has you to come to

💋: HIS BEAUTIFUL GIRLFRIEND 🤪🤪

💋: he’s the type to kiss down your waist to you hips

💋: and then tell you how much he loves your body

——-

Your probably just standing in front of your bathroom mirror changing out of your shirt.

Then as your not paying attention Tendou comes up from behind you and tickles your waist.

“AHH BITCH” you scream and punch him in the lip

“Owwwww” he whines

“Oh I’m sorry 😅”

You walk him over the the toilet and you sit him down as you look over his face, it wasn’t that bad

“I’m sorry againnn” you hug him

“It’s fine”

“Well this would be a great time to talk about your day right?” You say moving away from the hug

“My day was alright I’m glad I got to see you” (literally says it with hearts in his eyes) he coos

“Aww I’m happy to see you too” you smile

“What were you doing?” He asks

“I was just trying on shirts” you responded

He then lifts up your shirt and starts the hood onto your waist

“Don’t ever let someone hurt you..okay” he says while hugging you

“I won’t” you smile while rubbing his head

He kisses you your stomach (This lowkey sounds like a pregnancy story omg), then stands up. At this point he’s looking down at you. He leans in for a kiss and smack your ass.

“Anywho, Do you think Ushi Gushi watches porn?”

Akaashi

🍃: he’s being respectful

🍃: when he looks at you ass he is looking respectfully 😅

Just very, very, very respectfully 😳

🌊: he’s the type to hold onto your hips endearingly yk?

🌊: like he would come up behind you and hug you nothing sexual unless you want it that way 👀

🌊: he’s secretly eyeing people to back away from you

🌊: and if someone talks about you

😐+🔫+👹+🦉= 🚫🧍

🌊: he’s gonna grab his ski mask, his gun, and bokuto and their off

Let’s ride 🔫👹

🌊: he may also rub his hands down your sides and then hug you

🌊: he has 1,000,000,001 ways to hug you 🤪

🌊: and a million and one ways to murk a bitch

🌊: if you ever complain about your lower or upper half of your body he’s gonna come over and hug you and tell you why you should appreciate that part of your body

🌊; he shows a lot of affection through his words and what he says he means

*****

“Baby, I feel like my boobs are small” you whine

He comes over to you and hugs you from behind, now the both of you are looking at yourself in the mirror.

“Don’t say that, your boobs are just right, you also have a beautiful body 🥺”

*********

🌊:he calls your body beautiful, don’t at me 😩

Futakuchi

🧩: he is as smooth as a cucumber 😌

🧩: he probably walks up to you and goes “damn imma smooth dude *cue lightskin lip bite*”

🧩: please beat his ass up 🙂

🧩: he’s gonna enjoy it too

🧩: I feel like when he first saw you he was like all flirty and shit yk

“Hey lemme walk you around the school”

“Uhm okay, thank you”

As soon as you turned around he was like

“GOD DAUM 👴🏾”

🧩: take all his rights away because he will be barking like a dog

🧩: constantly touch you on you ass

🧩: he’s always slapping it to and then on top of it he grips it after

🧩: and that shit hurts but he doesn’t care

🧩: also the type to fake bang you

🧩: ... in public

🧩: .... hard

🧩: like uhm calm down stop right now

🧩: just a horny bastard-

🧩: LEMME STOP IM SO MEAN 🤪🤪

********

You won’t talk to Futakuchi because of what happened in the grocery store today. You and Futakuchi were at the grocery store getting some groceries (ofc).

You were simply just walking and all of a sudden *SLAP* *SLAP*

That slap was so loud, it woke up animals in the lion king ✋🏾 the fact that he slapped both of your cheeks 👴🏾🔫

Everyone was looking in your direction but Futakuchi didn’t care he was looking at some bread

“Wheat bread or White bread?” He asks

Then later when y’all were looking for pasta, you dropped the box and went to pick it up. You did this without thinking that your boyfriend was behind you. Then *SMACK*, it sent you into the shelf a little bit, this dude really had the audacity to grab where he slapped to 😐

Which is the reason why you both are driving home in silence. It’s up to you on whether or not you accept his apology or don’t talk to him for a few days or weeks, all in the end he loves your frame so much 😩.

*********

I’m sorry y’all this took me a while I was busy with school and then I just didn’t feel like writhing but I finished it and I hope you enjoyed it 😩

MASTERLIST

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