#but they're both less physically and mentally draining

[goodmorning-hello]

Just modified the page layout for my journal/planner to make for next year, excited to try to bust it out before the year is almost half gone again (lol oops) and to actually use it for the whole year before just totally falling off the wagon altogether. Again. (lol OOPS).

Further modifications to be made include building a page marker that is also a sort of birds'-eye view of the weekly and monthly goals, bc if they're not in front of my eyeballs. They don't exist. Which was a big flaw of the first version bc i would just deadass forget about goals that extended farther than like a week, bc i have Future Does Not Exist, Only Now Is Relevant brain malfunction.

Also the first one where i tried to fit most of the year with full spreads for daily entries was mmmmm Unwieldy, so I'm debating whether to maybe pare it down to multiple books of Chunks of the year (quarters seems too small to bother, thirds seems awkward as a measurement of time, halves seems reasonable but maybe moving back into too big????) And the (theoretical) advantage of having the whole year in one book, was being able to flip forward to mark down appointments in the Distant Future so i don't forget them, so i would need to find a way to tailor that functionality (in a way i wont ALSO forget to follow through on)

Many musings for fun diy challenges, but i have no time and less money to follow through so i just sit here and sulk

[cripplecharacters]

What are possible ways an autistic character can recover from a shutdown/meltdown. And how can other characters help them recover without possibly making it worse?

Meltdowns and shutdowns are a possible brain response to overload/overwhelm. That overload comes from not being able to handle stimuli, and that stimuli can be external (like sensory input) or internal (like with emotions), or a combination of both. They're kind of like a fight (meltdown) or freeze (shutdown) fear response.

How an autistic character recovers from a meltdown or shutdown can vary, because what sets people off is different, but also because the cause of the meltdown or shutdown also varies a lot.

For example, once I had a meltdown because there was a helicopter flying very close to my apartment for almost two hours. I was already tired, and the noise was loud and constant and completely out of my control. Ear defenders were not working well. To help me during and after my meltdown, my boyfriend hugged me (because I enjoy physical touch, and especially if it's 'solid' it calms me down, got my weighted blanket for me, and talked to me only when I seemed to respond well. Then he made sure I drank water and got some rest.

These things helped because they generally are already calming to me: pressure, solid physical touch, and affection. But someone who doesn't like physical touch won't have that help them recover.

Universally, though, a meltdown or a shutdown is draining and does not feel good. It can feel a bit relieving, because usually once it's done you feel like you have less tension, but having it doesn't actually feel good – it often feels like completely losing control, and that feels awful. Things that make self-regulation harder, like being tired or frustrated, will make a meltdown a bit more likely, but they also make it harder to recover from one.

Which means that what helps people recover has a couple different elements:

One, that they are no longer in the same situation or environment that caused the shutdown/meltdown, as much as possible. This can mean physically leaving the space, or that a triggering sound is gone, or that a stressor is no longer active. Generally this is part of creating an environment that feels safe, which can often means a space with as little external stimuli as possible at least for the time being. (So quiet, sometimes dark, without asking for a lot.)

Two, that they are doing something that helps them rest and recover. Sometimes this can be a nap, or drinking some water, or having some food, or lying or sitting down as comfortably as possible. If someone's helping, they can say "Hey, I'm here for you,"

Three, that they have or do something that makes them feel good. And just like for non-autistic people, this is the most variable factor of them all. A common one can be pressure, whether that's with a weighted blanket or vest, or with another person like a hug. Having a comfort item or fidget/stim item can help as well. For some people talking can help; for some talking might be difficult or impossible after a meltdown or shutdown.

Four, just straight up time. This can be an hour or three or a whole day. It really varies. Imagine spending a huge amount of mental energy in twenty minutes, on top of being extremely stressed out. Exhausting, right? You might want to take the rest of your day pretty easy to recover.

As to other characters helping, creating a low stimuli environment is a safe bet. A partner, family member, or friend would also likely know what makes your character feel better when they're stressed — a meltdown or shutdown is an extra stress response. They can generally help by staying calm and showing their support.

Hope this helps! :)

– mod sparrow

[nevertheblood]

🎃🐦‍⬛Trick or treat🎃🕸️

happy early halloween! 🎃

i bring my current WIP~~ a little bit of mer!dazai and lifeguard!chuuya

working on this currently so the section i was gonna share just grew and grew and grew LOL

CW for injury and (dazai-typical?) suicidal ideation, plus some extremely vague references to physical intimacy (you'll see)

pls enjoy your treat!! 🍬👻

Dazai comes to as Chuuya is paddling them both to shore, struggling to balance two bodies on his thin surfboard amongst the heaving waves. Dazai tries to sit up, tensing his tail and nearly pitching them both off and into the sea.

-------

“Do not,” Chuuya barks at him, pushing him back down, a forceful palm in the centre of Dazai's chest, “Don't you fucking dare. I'm getting you on land, and I'm getting you patched up. Don't you dare tip me into the sea, drowning is not on my agenda.”

“I was playing the long game,” Dazai answers. He's barely audible over the rush of the waves, his voice croaky and rough with sea-salt. “Didn't you know? I'm one of those merfolk who lures men to a watery death. I just like to take my time with it.”

“Well, you're shit at it,” Chuuya says. “Stop trying to kill people, the sexy siren thing doesn't suit you. Stick to being a cute lil' annoyance in rockpools. That’s your day job, right?”

Even with his gaze set on the horizon, Chuuya sees Dazai smile, tired and faint, out of the corner of his eye. “I’m cute?”

“An annoyance,” Chuuya says firmly. Dazai’s smile carves itself deeper, looking just the slightest bit stronger.

By the time they reach the safe harbour of the sands, one of the many small coves in between the town beaches, where they're less likely to be seen by people, there's blood staining the waxed surface of Chuuya’s board, seeping into the scratches, the small crevices, dribbling off the sides and onto the sand. It might be permanent, but the thought doesn't stay in Chuuya's mind for long. He pulls Dazai carefully onto a sandbank, away from the advancing tide; notices the way the merman tenses his fins in distress, wincing as the sand drags against his scratched and bleeding scales.

“I've got you,” Chuuya says on a exhale of breath as he lays Dazai down. He's not sure Dazai hears him at all, the words lost to the crashing of the waves and the rush of the wind surging down the cliffs.

He doesn't mourn the moment as it passes. Instead, he gets to work, knowing immediately what he needs to do this time, checking Dazai's skin and scale and the extent of his wounds.

“What happened?” he demands. “Got caught in coral again?”

“Yeah,” Dazai says. He’s not looking at Chuuya, gaze sliding away to the left somewhere, draining away into the sand like the tide. The sun is bright, today, dancing in and out of clouds, teasing dazzling hints of pure blue sky, but the light hasn't reached Dazai's eyes. They are as dark and dull as river-rocks, muddied by the wash of rain.

“You need kelp, right?” Chuuya asks. He's trying to be concise, prioritising haste in order to help Dazai quicker, but maybe it comes off as too brusque, too demanding, too harsh, because Dazai doesn't even answer with words, just the tiniest of nods, arms lying listless on the damp sand.

“Stay here, then.” Chuuya doesn’t wait for Dazai to respond – he’s clearly not going to, not in his current state. Whether he’s weakened from his wounds or just mentally exhausted, Chuuya isn’t sure, but it almost doesn’t matter either way. Chuuya’s not a doctor and he’s not a psychiatrist, and he cannot fix whatever is wrong with Dazai beyond the most basic first aid.

That’s not the most reassuring thought. Still, he knows what he’s looking for, this time, and of course the light is much better, so he’s able to find what he needs quickly; zeroing in on the patches of green in the scattered rockpools and gathering each plant easily. He picks up enough that the kelp spills over in his arms, dripping on his wetsuit and onto the cool sand as he hurries back across the beach, to Dazai. There is still urgency, still, even if he does know what he’s doing slightly more than last time, and he feels the anxiety shake and rumble in his ribcage like distant thunder.

“Sit up,” he barks at Dazai on his return, not sparing any softness, nor wasting time on pity. “I’ll check your upper body first, okay? I figure that’s where your organs are.”

Dazai shrugs, complying but still saying nothing. His body is floppy as Chuuya pushes him upright – he’s not resisting, but his limbs hang languid, heavy, impossible to work with.

“Little help might be nice,” Chuuya snaps. “Didn’t you say your dad was a medic? You must know something about how to care for yourself.”

“Chuuya prob’ly knows more’n me,” Dazai mumbles back. “Your body’s more or less the same as mine… from the waist up, anyway.”

“I don’t know shit about your body.” He’s more than a little aggressive with his care, pulling the makeshift kelp bandages harshly around Dazai’s midriff. “You don’t breathe the same as me, I know that much for sure. I think your heart rate is different, too. Slower. Makes it fuckin’ hard to tell if you’re alive or not, which would be fine if you weren’t nearly dying every single goddamn week.” He’s pissed off, and it’s obvious; the way he manhandles Dazai’s arms and fins this way and that, tucking each piece of kelp a little too tightly, fingers digging into skin.  

Dazai notices his ire, of course, dull eyes flicking from staring vaguely at the horizon to focusing on Chuuya as he works. The merman seems to think about it for a moment, and then –

He takes Chuuya by the hand, webbed fingers wrapping around his wrist surprisingly gently – Chuuya growls wordlessly, affronted by the interruption to his work, but allows Dazai to guide his hand and lets it be placed, palm flat, against Dazai’s sternum.

“You’re right,” Dazai says, and Chuuya feels the buzz of his voice like electric shocks along his palm, “My heartbeat is slower than yours, and shallower. I don’t need to pump oxygen quite the same as you do, since the ocean carries my movements.” He drags Chuuya’s hand lower down, over his wet skin, and Chuuya wants to pull away because this feels so close, too close, but he can feel the light ridges of Dazai’s ribs under his fingertips and a corresponding ache answers in his own chest.

“I do have lungs,” Dazai says, “But they’re much, much smaller than a human’s – I mostly use my gills to breathe. Smaller ribcage, too. You can feel it, right?” His eyes bore into Chuuya’s, dark and endless as the bottom of an ocean trench, and Chuuya can only nod in response, breathless and mute. He curls his fingers, just slightly, to trace the shape of Dazai’s bones.

“My bones are lighter,” the merman continues, not looking away from Chuuya, as though reading his thoughts, “To make me more buoyant. My fins and tail make me a faster and more agile swimmer. But—” here he pulls Chuuya’s hand still lower, over his stomach (too thin, Chuuya thinks, isn’t he?) and down to where skin meets scale. Chuuya’s gaze breaks from Dazai’s to follow the motion. There’s a nasty-looking cut that drags deep red over his hipbone, or what Chuuya assumes is his hipbone. More than wanting to reach for the kelp bandages, Chuuya realises, more than just wanting to help, he wants to brush his hand over that wound, to whisper soft words and offer comfort, to sweep Dazai’s hair from his eyes, hold his face in one hand and tell him he’s safe.

The feeling stabs and roils in Chuuya’s stomach, sick and aching as though he’d swallowed a gallon of seawater. He’s good at fixing, that he knows. Good at helping. He’s not sure he’s so good at being soft, at being gentle. Especially not to Dazai.

“Inside, the rest of me is the same as you.” Dazai smirks, lopsided, the humour only half-there. “Nervous system, digestive system, reproductive system – pretty much just like a human’s, only positioned a little differently. Y’know, on account of the tail.”

Chuuya’s a grown-up. A normal, well-adjusted adult. Still, he thinks he feels his ears turn pink. Reproductive system. Pretty much just like a human’s.

It doesn’t matter to him. It’s none of his business. It’s not like he has any particular interest in Dazai in that way, right?

Still, his thumb strokes almost unconsciously over Dazai’s blood-streaked stomach, and the word that slinks unbidden into his mind is compatible.

We’d be compatible.

[elysiumblue]

Pick a card - Stop worrying! 😄

Hi. Things do be happening recently so I feel that it will be helpful if I do a general reading on helping you to stop worrying on something.

The messages of this reading are more specific than expected, so don't force the messages to fit if it's not right for you. You can always choose another pile or another reading. Also the messages are quite heavy so don't read it if you're not ready for intense messages.

Anyway, I hope this reading can help you to stop worrying about things and create something better in the future.

👇🏻 Pick an emoji that you felt drawn to 👇🏻

And find the corresponding reading for you below!

Pile 1

I can see that you're at your breaking point. You're so mentally, or maybe even physically drained. It feels like the weight of the whole world and your whole past is crashing on you, and you have zero idea how to deal with this situation.

Idea. All you need is an idea to get out of all this crap, and to be more precise, a new idea. I can see some of you are currently suffering from being screwed over by fake friends, backstabbers, or suffering the consequences of that kind of situation. You're so tired of having to deal with stupid people constantly, and hey, this is where the problem lies. You're surrounded by crappy people and this is why you cannot get out of this nightmarish state. You need to talk to better people.

You need to meet and talk to wise people, such as a teacher, a spiritual advisor, a priest, or maybe even your own father. I can see that they're probably a male and are older than you. The older people part may not match your situation but I can feel it strongly that they are a male. If you're not able to talk to someone physically, then you should read some new books or videos and receive new ideas from those people. Anyway, that wise man will teach you how to get out of the situation and become a better person living a better life. Even if they're not helping with your situation directly, there will be something they tell you that will give you a lightbulb moment, and set you free from the situation. He will make you realize your worth again, and remind you that you don't need to be stuck with those losers to make your life work, because you are always good enough on your own.

If you're working on a new project and are worrying about how can you pull it off without the "help" of those "friends" and "allies", you should really stop worrying about the consequences of cutting them off because I can see that there will be better people connecting with you after you ditching those losers. They may not be as experienced as the people you are with now, but they have the passion and most importantly, they will not screw you over. They may not look friendly or may be the type that doesn't want to make friends, but it doesn't mean that they're here to make enemies. Sometimes, you don't have to be friends with your partners to make things work. You both just have to focus on the same goal, put more effort in the goal and less effort in making drama instead.

Pile 2

I can see that you're mourning the loss of someone, who is/was probably a female. They can be still alive or not. I can hear a very specific situation that someone is being haunted by the loss of their mother and is having nightmares about it. For some of you, it can be a breakup.

Anyway, I can see that you're not living in the present. You're still fixating on the past and you really have to move on. Memories are just memories in your brain and sometimes they're not even that real. The more you hold on to them, the more distorted they become, like a worn out book you read too many times, or an old photo that you take out to look at for too many times. The past you think that is beautiful, may not be as beautiful as they are. Also, going back to the past is not an option in this world. You can only move on and move further away from the past as time goes on. It will be better for you if you focus on being optimistic and creating a better future, instead of holding onto the past.

Believe in yourself. You can be happy on your own and create something great that's truly belongs to you, and will never leave you. What you truly owns can be with you for the rest of your life, like achievements and talents. I can hear a very specific advice that you should try make a movie of your life, and it will lead to great success. Anyway, don't be a slave of the past, and also anyone from the past. You always have control over your own life. Time to discover your true self and write your own story.

Pile 3

The situation I see for pile 3 is quite specific, so if it doesn't fit, this is not your pile and you can choose another one/ another reading.

You are extremely jealous of someone. It feels like their beauty or their talent is shining so bright that it hurts your eyes and their existence is reminding you how useless you are. You really want to do something to get rid of the negativity this person brought to your life so your mind can finally be at peace. However, I can see that the approach you're planning to use is not really nice. For some of you, you may be the one that is receiving the jealousy and it's a heads up for you to tell you someone is plotting some not so nice things on you. If this is the case, then just read this message in a different perspective.

This reading is to remind you that your tricks will not work as it is not backed up by the universe. It will be better for you to give up your plans because it will not work the way you wanted anyway, so giving up is the best option.

You probably feel very hurt by this person, but you have to remember that they are doing anything to hurt you. They are using their gifts and it shall not be a reason for them to be punished. Everyone is gifted in something but it will be harder to find your gift if you focus too much on why you're so bad at something. Instead of plotting on them, use the energy to better yourself. Even if your talent is the same as them, and it seems that you are not able to be better than them no matter how hard you try, it still doesn't mean that you should give up on yourself. Sometimes you just happen to meet a genius that is sent to earth to be good at that thing. But it still doesn't mean that you should stop trying, because life is not a competition. If doing that thing is what makes you happy, then continue doing it. Focus on the joy it brings you, instead of comparing yourself to others. Only you can make yourself happy and that person is worse than you in doing this.

[ghostat7am]

"Care for a bug?"

Trying to get more comfortable showing my other Crygors since I actually have eight of them but Diverged is the most beloved. So introducing the Crygor I'm the most self conscious of DKJJGN

Meet Dr. Kilrait and his critters Selene and Mauve! They're actually much bigger and tower over Kilrait, just wanted to draw them little and small

(you can see the decrease in quality as I became more and more self conscious about them SGKGH)

This au everyone is assigned a creature that people deem as scary or undesirable. Crygor (named Kilrait) is a snake, Orbulon (named Selene) is a mosquito and Mike (named Mauve) is a tarantula. It doesn't really have a story, it's mainly a series of bizarre and horror-inspired scenarios. But there is some backstory

(Character descriptions + basic backstories. CW for near death mentions & mistreatment/implied ab*se for Selene)

Dr. Kilrait (he/him - name pending) is this world's Crygor, based off a Malayan Krait, he's a happy go lucky and affectionate doctor who specialises in surgery and entomology. He cares for his patients amazingly and has extraordinary talents, he aims to change the future of humanity and make the world a better place.

However, he's hiding something underneath- he was born with the inability to feel pain or fear, attempting to change his own biology to the point of obsession. In attempt to gain these feelings, he has begun experiments where he puts healthy and consenting participants into near death situations to monitor and try to mimic their reactions. He truly has no ill intent and makes sure these patients are completely safe during & after these tests, paying for treatment for any mental trauma they may recieve from such tests- he just feels incomplete and wrong without feeling these "truly human" emotions and he'll do anything to change it, even if it means tearing his life to shreds to achieve it.

Mauve (he/him) is Dr. Kilrait's mechanical Metallic Blue Tarantula son and this world's Mike, created to ease the ever-growing internal isolation and loneliness his creator suffers from. Typically very cynical and a skeptic, but aids his father without question. Trusts his dad's every word with no further thought or hesitation since he is Mauve's only window to human society. He may seem cold, but truly he's also quite loving like his father- however he's far less doting, Kilrait is extremely doting towards anyone he goes attached to but especially Mauve. He's all Kilrait has...

A few years ago, Mauve offered himself as a test subject to ensure the equipment for Kilrait's fear tests were safe for human. Everything was going well until something malfunctioned and almost ended the robot, this was the closest Kilrait has felt true terror as he cradled his son's injured body. He is physically okay, but it has left a mental scar on them both - causing Kilrait to only become more protective.

Selene (they/them) is Mauve's spouse and this world's Orbulon, based off a mosquito, they are very snide and vindictive. Suffering from extreme trust issues due to past mistreatment and pain, taught to be a vampire and drain others of their life (literally and emotionally/mentally) - but their cruel nature encases a gentle and affectionate soul, Mauve is slowly cracking away at their shell so they can finally be themselves again without paranoia.

After being left to rot by one they considered to be their true love, Selene decided to close themselves off to never suffer like that again, turning to tormenting others to ease their unpleasant feelings and began working in shady business in disguises. One night, Selene encountered Mauve while attempting to dig dirt up on Kilrait for a paying client, attempting to scare information out of the spider- they were only met with lighthearted amusement and friendly gestures, catching Selene completely off guard. It turned into a pleasant conversation between them and Selene decided to not ruin Kilrait's life for Mauve's sake. Afterwards, they kept meeting up and eventually fell in love as Mauve gently lowered their walls.

[isaacsapphire]

God, I am so sorry that you got stuck in the arguing-with-a-terf trenches, it's always so emotionally draining

I just wanted to add an anecdote to the discussion about how men and women with chronic illnesses are treated differently:

I have a friend (nb, but gets read as female and their parents misgender them) with a few chronic illnesses and they absolutely do not get the benefit of the doubt or any reasonable accommodation for their condition. They are constantly berated and threatened by their parents to contribute to the household and find a job

Like, being expected to "walk it off" and "provide for yourself and your family" are ideals that get pushed onto men and make things like accommodations for physical and mental health difficult to ask for and to receive

But it's also true that, overall, society treats everyone with chronic illnesses like shit as a baseline, with little-to-no accommodation from government sources (or even an individual's family in a lot of cases). So, I don't think it's actually constructive to argue that some groups of chronically ill people have it better than others

And, at least where I'm from, women are expected to work full time and do the majority of the housework unless they're financially well off - in which case the domestic work gets passed on to hired help

Like, the idea that a woman can live in a house and not be expected or pressured to contribute both to the household finances and the physical labor required to run a household, isn't something I can see being true for most women around the world, so I don't think it holds water as a general statement

(Sending this anonymously because I do not need terfs to find my blog again)

It wasn't my first TERF rodeo, so I've at least learned a few tricks for handling it. They're mostly mad about the man vs bear post I made.

I get what you are saying, and this is a topic that, thankfully, I haven't experienced personally yet, so I am really glad the post finally reached some people who do have experience and can give feedback.

The question that immediately comes to mind about your friend is, as much as their parents are constantly berating and threatening them to get a job and do chores when they are seen as a woman, what would the parents be doing to a son in the same situation?

The old classic sexism position was "men do, women are" so a man who can't do is seen as less of a man, whereas a woman who just lies there is still being a woman just fine.

[ribstongrowback]

Repost of an old twitter thread

hey hey psst you yeah you,

working on a cyberpunk ttrpg

if in your games, cyberware and mods make you less human i'm really sorry but you're making a game that is both transphobic and ableist

like, sure, a lot of people will use mods and ware to make themselves "better" in order to meet capitalistic quotas, and that, the act of shaping yourself into a capitalistic tool of production, is dehumanizing, you're completely right

but some people could wear mods in order to help with a disability or to stop their dysphoria, the body is not sacred, what is sacred is your power over that body. no one should make you become something that you're not in order to be "better"

if you're working on such a game, ask yourself: am i implying (even unwittingly) that people who get new bodyparts are alien and unable to relate to people with normal legs because they're becoming less human? because they're becoming robots? if yes, you're doing it wrong

alternatively you might want to explore ways they might have trouble relating to meatbags because of the maintenance required for these mods, or the discomfort they cause design mechanics where body mods are kind of a double edged swords

because, y'know, i get you not wanting people to make their characters into OP killing machines, balance in combat-focused games is something to keep in mind, so this option makes it so it's clear that mods are often used for people to fit an idea of a "functionning" person and while they help perform, they drain you

maybe they cause great pain or discomfort. fullmetal alchemist is great for this: automails are works of art and craftsmanship but need heavy maintenance and cause tremendous pain also they stunt pintsize ed's growth

as a side note, some people might say that cyberpunk is only ableist for physical disabilities, but i find that debatable, because mental illness is often portrayed in media in demonizing ways

like if you tell people "hey i'm a psychopath" their reaction isn't usually "oh, that sounds rough" they mostly will react like "please don't murder me in cold blood"

because that's the baggage associated with psychosis, psychopathy and mental illness in general: you'll be seen as out of touch or control, unable to even understand humans and in cyberpunk? oh boy, just read the wiki entry

the tl;dr is exactly what i'm talking about: cyberpsychos are portrayed as lacking empathy and straight up relating to machine more than to people it's uh not great

but yeah, humanity is a hella blurry concept, and it's sure as hell not tied down to your need for prosthetics and mods. thx for reading have more posts now.

[cheemken]

God imagine how traumatized she’d be from seeing someone be murdered in front of her. She’s already so emotionally vulnerable right now and it doesn’t help that the others are “comforting” her by saying how they’re in the right. This is sure to stir up paranoia for her

I’d imagine that this would turn into nightmares which would then turn into many sleepless nights. Many would think that the long hours of her job are making her tired but the people close to her, like Drayden, would know that she’s acting paranoid everyday and getting less and less sleep from nightmares, not her job. On maybe the 4th or 5th night of restless sleep Drayden finally convinces Iris to tell him what’s happening. What’s scaring her so much that she can’t go a full night without waking both of them up with her nightmares. And she’s just clinging to him and trying not to cry when she tells him what she saw, what happened, what they said, and who did it

She’s scared that they’ll do something to her if she tells anyone. That they’ll hurt her or even go as far as to kill her for telling others what they’ve been doing. But she’s tired, scared, and feeling like something is constantly watching her. So she lost the mental battle in her head and told him everything. But…she’s in Unova, away from all the other champions who terrify her. She’s safe from harm and far, far away from them. There’s no way they could know what she’s told him

Oh how wrong she was

Now imagine how defeated she’d feel when she comes home the very next day from work, thinking she’s safe now that Drayden has reported it. But when she walks inside their house she sees him on the floor, not moving. With some of the champions waiting around for her to show up. And now Diantha is standing in front of her, speaking to her like a disappointment mother. Telling her that she has no reason to be crying, because if you step out of line then there is always going to be consequences

Omfs cnsmcnmxnx

God the irony of Diantha being the one to say there's gonna be consequences while probably being the only champion who hasn't faced any consequences from her actions just makes me so fucking insane ncmdhxmd

But also yknow just jcmxndm Dia acting all motherly to Iris tho, crouching down to her level and hugging her, telling her that they had to do what they really had to do, they can't let anyone interfere with them. You should know better. And she's there, cupping her face, wiping away her tears, telling her to calm down, to stop crying, there's no use crying over someone who couldn't even defend himself while being called the Spartan Mayor of Opelucid. But Iris was still sobbing, Drayden was family, her only family, and even tho it's not by blood, she still loves him. And suddenly... Suddenly he's gone. His body unmoving as the other Champions approach her and Diantha.

Dia just pulls her close to her, going on how it'll all be fine, perhaps it was even Drayden that's holding her back on becoming a true Champion, but Diantha kept that thought within her for the meantime, if you want a child to believe you, tell them the things they want to hear.

And soon, Iris could feel Lance next to them, his arms around them too, pulling them close to him, and he's there telling Iris that she shouldn't worry too, that they're her family now too, and they were just looking out for her.

God Iris was just so so tired man, she's so fucking tired, she's physically and mentally drained, and she just melted in their touch, finally caving in, letting them comfort her. And god as twisted as it was, she somewhat felt a bit safe under their embrace.

But also imagine how the people of Opelucid and the Unova League would react tho ncmxnx like, that's their mayor, a gym leader too, and suddenly he's dead and Iris is mourning and the other champions are there to help her and such. But like, imagine if that'd stir up some rumours tho, especially given Lance and Leon's images towards the public now, that maybe they actually killed Drayden. Imagine a few people of Opelucid pulling Iris away from the champions a bit and telling them what they thought what happened, but Iris already knew, and if she had to be honest she doesn't wanna see anyone else dying, so she tells them that "no, grandpa was just.. struggling with health issues for a while now.. he was always so stubborn he didn't wanna go to the hospital.. maybe that's just it.."

And ofc, they believed her, no use insisting their theories and rumours are right, especially to the actual granddaughter of the person they're talking about, who they know is still mourning over the loss of her grandfather. So instead, they nodded and told her if there's anything they can do to help her and the rest of the League, she could just ask for their help.

But like, imagine Iris being so bitter abt that tho. Now they try to help her? It only took Drayden's death for them to help her? For them to see her as an actual person and not just some kid who kept insisting she's mature enough to be a champion? It actually made her laugh a bit, a pitiful chuckle really, and she drags herself back home, back where all the champions are waiting for her.

[vaultsixtynine]

ana hour II - mostly about ciphers

adding cipher lore bc i consider it a bit lacking (understandably, the game isn't About ciphers necessarily) -

ciphers come in 2 flavors: 'natural' and 'made' - both of them need training to not be actively a danger to others and themselves, but not already being sensitive to other people's minds/souls means some process/fuckery has to happen to you to peel you open enough to make Being A Cipher possible. this sometimes happens by accident, and sometimes on purpose :^)

natural ciphers aren't necessarily fucking with brains as soon as they're born - it's more like puberty that settles in at a certain point of adolescence. there's a balance of age when it happens - too young, and there may be so little control that a child either gets themselves killed (by themselves or via adults freaking out about it) or, on the flipside, knows Nothing Else and has no reference for life without knowing how to read and manipulate other people's essence. too old, and it's deeply overwhelming past a point where the person is less elastic, mentally - this is why the success rate of manufactured ciphers is extremely low.

cipher survival rate is low in general - natural ciphers are not tolerated well in most contexts, and Odd Children die or are killed all the time, or - if given enough time and no training - are the source of enough bad shit to be hunted down if they don't accidentally kill themselves first. certain cultures are better with them than others - glanfathans are the stand-out, but not the sole exception.

and needless to say, it's exhausting. the constant awareness is more typical of a natural cipher, while manufactured ciphers tend to need to work a little harder to bridge the gap (this is a benefit, in the opinion of natural ciphers everywhere). it's not quite Constant Telepathy, but more sensitive natural ciphers have to be able to withstand the onslaught of Other People Existing without losing themselves or lashing out against other minds.

the 'focus' feature of the class is an extension of a mental resource that is very real and not purely mechanical - the ability of a cipher (especially a natural cipher) to be aware of the fluctuations in the mood, thoughts, and literal soul of everyone around them is a constant drain on that resource. being deprived of focus causes adverse physical effects; stronger ciphers having More Of It means they've found ways to make it quieter and their exercising of it more of a selective choice. the harder it is to get into OR avoid the presence of someone's interiority - either normally or in combat - the more of a cipher's focus gets used.

training helps with all of this, but isolation from society is an immediate relief for many ciphers as non-humanoids (animals etc.) are typically more simple and less distracting. additionally, cipher-to-cipher communication is Easy if they're both open/willing but Much Harder than normal if they're both guarding themselves. it is exceptionally hard for one cipher to get access to another cipher's mind or soul if they're actively walling themselves off, and the stronger cipher will usually have to either overpower the less-strong one or someone's going to need to start doing some focus-sapping until the other one's deprived enough to get through.

ana herself is a natural cipher, and her abilities are strongest when it comes to memory and dreaming. she is very adept at fucking with people while they're awake, though, no worries there. she has reluctance to use her abilities on things that are too 'trivial' and holds a strong contempt for how they were misused in the past - she has hurt a lot of people, more than just physically. she has killed, certainly - but she's also done things to people that are worse than death.

[eleilinnrallin]

On a stimulant (methylphenidate short release (ritalin sr)) and nonstimulant (guanfacine xr) for ADHD, neither of them make me feel slower when I'm taking all my meds properly. (While we were still finding the right balance of meds, the nonstimulant did drop my blood pressure and lead to fatigue; it didn't make me feel slower, just tired more easily, and now that I've got a working meds balance this is a non-issue. My blood pressure is back to normal and I have the energy to get through the day.) The right balance helps me stay on task, be present, and generally just self-regulate so much better.

What does make me feel slower (and generally like shit) is when I don't take my meds. If it's the methylphenidate that I miss, I get antsy, nervous (yes, I get more nervous when I'm not on my stimulant; it helps my emotional regulation), easily frustrated, and spacey. I can't focus on even things that I like. My short-term memory goes down the drain and makes everything difficult. If it's the guanfacine (which I needed to titrate onto and therefore should NOT just go off, ever) I'm laid out flat for one, maybe two days because of dizziness/vertigo, exhaustion, and sometimes nausea. With both, I'm more likely to mildly dissociate (usually depersonalize or derealize, once almost crashed into a car while biking off meds because I didn't feel real enough to apply brakes at a stoplight), can't do my schoolwork or hobbies (because I leave tasks and forget halfway through, once left a quiz open for several hours since I got distracted and forgot it existed), and am more hyperactive (usually fidgetty, sometimes need to get up and Do things, which is a problem with Dizzy).

(Unfortunately, I have to skip a day of guanfacine every two months or so because my local pharmacy refuses to fill on time and I end up one day short. Usually I just tell my teachers I can't come to class that day. With methylphenidate, I do selectively skip some weekend morning doses to prevent situations where I'd have to stop/skip during the school week due to that pharmacy's tendency for error. This does not have a positive impact on my life and health; I would not recommend anyone do it, probably shouldn't be doing it myself but it is what it is.)

For your character: if he's diagnosed and medicated, the medication is going to greatly help his drumming because it's going to let him focus on practicing, generally improving his skills, things that are really hard with inattentive symptoms. He's going to be able to be more present in his performances when he's on meds--though if they're evening performances he might feel more distractable and perform worse because of meds wearing off. (I'm much less productive after 6-8 p.m. because my then my afternoon stimulant dose has run its course and I'm left fending off the inattention myself. Still much more possible than days when I skip meds, because I have more mental energy to work with my symptoms since meds have been helping regulate all day!) Meds will also help him function in his daily life, which will help make him less stressed and better able to engage in his hobbies. He'll have more energy for fun things because he isn't constantly fighting his brain to get things done.

Things that are easier for me on meds: physically getting to school, doing assignments in and out of class, making and eating food (despite that my appetite is negatively impacted by my stimulant), laundry and dishes (still hard but now doable), reading and writing (hobbies), playing D&D with my friends, holding conversations, regulating my emotions (RSD included), grocery shopping, basically EVERYTHING that I do.

(In my experience though meds don't magically fix everything--they're effective in tandem with other coping mechanisms and techniques. There's a reason when I want to get serious work done, I go and study in a dedicated space like the library, or use things like pomodoros (... not exactly since I'm pretty dang time blind, I use "work song, rest song"), body doubling, focus cues like shoes on or music on, etc. However, these things weren't very effective without meds to bridge the gap between Brain Don't Work and Work Needs Done.)

(^University student w/ combined type ADHD and some other things going on)

hi, so I’m probably undiagnosed ADHD and I wanna write a character who is diagnosed ADHD and the problem I’m having is with meds. How I was planning to write them is that they’re a drummer and the character doesn’t always take their medicine when they are going to drum because it makes them feel like a bit slower and almost have like a delayed response or something. I’m still working at the kinks, but I feel like that could come off as really insensitive towards how ADHD meds work and like I don’t fully know how ADHD meds make you feel because I’m undiagnosed and I don’t wanna write it wrong and all of that.

-🥁

Hello!

That's... not really accurate to how ADHD meds work at all. Though this would be insensitive, my main concern is the inaccuracy and the harmful misinformation that this is spreading.

First thing: ADHD medication -- like any daily medication -- isn't something that can just be taken when you want to take it. It's one thing to forget a dose every so often but deliberately missing doses on a regular basis is very harmful.

Not taking it regularly can cause the medication to be less effective for your character and can cause them to be hit worse (by their symptoms and their withdrawal) every time they miss a dose. It can also cause the medication to just... stop working for your character as they develop a tolerance for it.

I take Concerta (also known by the name Ritalin) and when I miss a dose, I certainly end up feeling it.

For me, the first thing I notice is just a weird feeling. Like something in the world is different. It's hard to describe but, to other people, I'm told that it looks like I'm spacier and in my own world.

I have a very hard time focusing and can't last more than a few minutes without spacing out -- even if I'm actively involved in a conversation. It makes it impossible for me to attend my lectures and take notes, let alone take a test or an exam.

Because I also have anxiety and several other mental conditions, this also has a major impact on them. The increased rejection-sensitive dysphoria (RSD) that I experience triggers an increase in my anxiety (even if I've taken my anxiety meds), which in turn causes an increase in my dissociative symptoms.

The brain is a complex organ -- one we don't fully understand yet. Nothing happens in isolation.

Aside from the ADHD-specific side of things, there's also the withdrawal.

While it's not as bad as the withdrawal from my venlafaxine (the meds I take for my PTSD, anxiety, depression, and dissociative disorder. Three cheers for medication that multitasks!), withdrawal from my Concerta is still not great.

When I miss a dose, I end up sleeping almost the entire day. I just can't stay awake. I also get a horrible headache that can't be touched by Advil or Tylenol and I end up with no appetite (though apparently most people experience the opposite -- an increase in appetite). I also experience an increase in my depression.

Though it will of course be different for everyone (especially if your character is on a different type of medication), what I'm getting at here is that ADHD medication doesn't work like this. You can't pick and choose when to take it.

Taking ADHD medication doesn't make you feel "slower" or have a "delayed response" or anything like that. In fact, those feelings are more likely to come from missing a dose.

Something else that needs to be considered here is that ADHD medication is constantly portrayed as being bad/evil/negative and especially as something that's only done to dull the character with ADHD and make them more "palatable" to those around them. It's shown as something that stifles their creativity and forces them to become exactly like everyone else.

This can't be further from the truth.

Although it is true that ADHD is often over-diagnosed and over-medicated, the effect that ADHD meds have on those who need them can be life-changing.

These harmful misrepresentations of ADHD medication have major consequences in the real world. Not only do they undermine the struggles of having ADHD and reinforce the idea that ADHD is just being hyper/unfocused, they also discourage people from seeking the treatment that can help them.

When I was first diagnosed, I didn't want to go on medication and my parents didn't want me to either. They thought it would make me dull and lifeless and kill my creativity. Even after I'd done my own research and decided to try it, my father spent weeks telling me that ADHD was just "western propaganda" and didn't actually exist.

I see this same attitude in teachers, other parents, and even doctors all the time.

Although some people can be quick to diagnose a child with ADHD and medicate them when there may be another cause for their behaviour, overcorrecting in the opposite direction helps nobody.

If you want to write a character with ADHD and especially one that's on medication for it, please do your research first. You don't have to have ADHD or be on medication to do that. This article [Link] discusses the impact of poor ADHD representation while this one [Link] talks about what happens when you miss a dose of ADHD medication.

In short: please don't do this. ADHD isn't just the "silly hyper can't sit still" disorder and the medication for it is an actual treatment that helps so many people. Treat it as seriously as you'd treat any other disorder.

Cheers,

~ Mod Icarus

[fullmoonraven]

Getting around to actually drawing a (multi-fandom) vampire oc of mine, and I figured I'd drop the lore and shit for how their particular "brand" of vampire works!

I'll be separating this into three posts for easier readability, and they'll all have the same tag; Feel free to send me questions! I love answering questions and stuff about lore and concepts.

(1/3) Vampire Types: Similarities and Differences, and Abilities

There's three kinds of Vamps; Lords, Bornes, and Turned:

Turned are standard vamps that had been human before being turned into vampires, and they are frozen at the age they had been upon being turned. (Bitten at 30 = Frozen at 30)

Borne are vampires that had been born that way. They age at a slightly slower pace than humans before their appearance "stops" once they've reached a point of emotional stability. 

Lords are completely random whenever they occur. They can be Turned or Borne, and tend to be rare.

Bornes and Turned are only able to Turn humans after draining the human entirely of blood- thus killing them- and having to wait several days to see if they'll come back as a Vamp. There's very little science to it as far as they're aware, but genetics have some form of influence in chances of someone Turning. If both parents came back, then there is a good chance that the child will as well, though in the same vein, if neither parent came back, there's a low chance that the child will.

Lords are the more typical vampire that you see in legends, being able to Turn humans just from their bite alone. A direct bite to the neck or anywhere otherwise close to the brain and heart will result in a Turn within less than an hour if it's not instantaneous, however any bites in other locations will take longer to Turn and will have a chance of an antidote being administered before Turning can occur.

Thralls are humans or other beings who have been fed vampire blood and gain abilities from it.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Turned and Bornes are close to the same in power level, the main difference being in experience with living as a vampire; They share weaknesses, strengths, abilities, and needs:

Weaknesses:

Skin begins to redden in direct sunlight and will quickly begin to blister and burn

Weakness to Allium, Aconite (Wolfsbane), Morning Glory, and Wisteria flowers. Being in the presence of these flowers does not weaken them, but any contact results in what is similar to a severe allergic reaction, and ingestion can lead to death.

Vulnerable to the commands of a Lord. Those who're stronger willed or have experience can resist a Lord's Command, but many will be compelled to obey regardless.

Abilities:

Physical strength, speed, and senses far above those of a humans.

May be able to learn to shapeshift into an animal of their choosing; many prefer birds, dogs, or the ever classic bat. Being in animal form negates their weakness to sun, but transforming back and forth takes a lot of energy.

Form of hypnosis closer to a strong Suggestion. Thought to be activated through a mix of eye contact and voice, they can persuade prey to follow them or persuade hunters to look the other way. Strong willed individuals can fight against it, and weaker Suggestions can be broken by pointing out inaccuracies.

Needs:

Pack creatures who Need community, they will naturally congregate into groups known as Covens. While a Coven does not need to have a Lord in it, most Lords will have a Coven form around them.

Nocturnal to the point of naturally becoming sleepy upon daylight; some vampires can resist the urge and either stay up past dawn, or wake up before sundown, but most will fall asleep before the sun makes it past the horizon.

While able to sustain off of animal blood, it lacks in nutrition and will eventually lead to starvation regardless. Human blood must be consumed weekly to ensure proper physical and mental health.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

Lord vampires live up to their name, and have enhanced versions of the above abilities with severely lessened weaknesses.

Weaknesses:

Sun exposure simply results in an uncomfortable sensation; lengthened exposure leads to severe sunburn but not much else short of being under a magnifying glass as well.

Effect of the relevant flowers is lessened. Contact takes longer to rash, and ingested amounts must be larger to be fatal.

Possible to be Commanded by a fellow Lord, but generally seen as not only rude/bad form but also a severe sign of disrespect: more likely to piss them off than actually form a possible vulnerability.

Abilities: 

Physical strength, speed, and senses often above those of "lower" vampires. Even their presence can cause "lower" vampires to falter.

Able to shapeshift into multiple animals freely, with less energy expended and a far easier time regaining it the more familiar they are with a form.

Command over other vampires. By issuing a Command, they can force other vampires to bend to their will and obey them.

Far stronger Hypnosis to the point of memory alteration. While they're unable to properly replace a memory, they can muddle details and cause humans to completely forget long periods of time. Rarely able to be broken out of or fixed without the use of magical artifacts or the aid of magical beings.

Other:

Able to survive entirely off of regular human food, without the need for consuming blood of any kind. (Note: doing so weakens their abilities and lowers their resistances; a Lord surviving like a human will be reduced to the strength and abilities of an average Turned or Borne)

No urge to sleep around daytime, Lords can go weeks without needing to sleep, though prolonged sleep deprivation will eventually lead to memory and concentration issues.

Through practice, Lords are able to change their appearance to various stages of their age, such as appearing as their childhood self or as an elder version.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

As stated earlier, Thralls are beings who have been fed vampire blood and gain abilities from said blood, at the cost of being incredibly susceptible to any vampires' commands. 

The state of being a Thrall is not permanent, and needs to be reaffirmed from regular feedings. While the donated blood does not always need to be from the same vampire, a Turned vampire's blood will have less duration than a Borne's blood, and a Lord's blood will last them the longest as well as give them the strongest abilities.

Abilities: Most commonly, Thralls will gain an enhanced regenerative healing factor alongside enhanced strength, speed, and senses, though often not on the same level as Turned or Bornes.

Weaknesses: However, as a result of their new state, they are almost entirely incapable of resisting a vampire's commands or suggestions. While a Thrall can resist a Suggestion with enough practice, a Lord can Always force a Thrall to obey through a Command.

[papercherries]

I am tired. In a literal sense. My legs ache and my time is short. I am not the type of person to be tired (except at the end of binges). My exterior says otherwise, I'm generally look quite tired, constant eyebags that never go away, a baggy sense of clothing, very droopy. Internally however, this is rarely the case. However currently it is. I have been doing a lot of physically demanding things this week. Starting with the 10 mile walk and now, I'm exhausted from a concert. Both of these things were amazing experiences and I wouldn't trade them for a calmer day but I wish I hadn't packed it in the same couple days. The less fun stuff has been work and general film planning which is always mentally draining. I've also got to go to my hometown this week to pick up my cat because my landlord was doing house viewings.

Though, all these things that have been physically tiring, have also been mentally refreshing. A good reset. I'd like to think I'm more confident and I have liberated another corner of my mind, (especially after the concert). But this probably isn't the case. Confidence is stagnant for me, it only has really grown when I am drunk but is that even my confidence?

I saw America's local band, Cheekface, Handcuff and Cende. It wasn't as crazy and hyperactive as the usual concerts I attend but the energy was a lot more "vibey". It was a good place to dance and have fun and stuff with a little bit of jumping, moshing and screaming. Someone complimented my Jeff Rosenstock t-shirt (thank u Luffy hat guy) and I made friends in the crowd. Though, I always find it awkward asking for socials so I never do. I saw a guy there who was going crazy with it, he was having the time of his life. I recognised him and I think he recognised me as we were going mad with it at the last UK cheekface tour at the moth club. (This show was at the village underground). It's quite difficult to describe why I like going to concerts. It's nice to be in a community though I don't interact with it so am I even truly in it? None of my friends listen to the same music as I do so I always go alone. Which is fine, none of them are really into the moshing and super hyper active crowds that I usually subject myself to (willingly and positively). Maybe it's the reason all humans dance, maybe there's a sense of homogony, a sense that in this moment we are all one entity tied to the beat. We are all screaming the same words and we are all moving in time (at least, we try). I have often left shows drenched in sweat, especially in the Moth club in the summer. Those low ceilings.

There's a few type of concerts I can't stand and most of them have to do with the crowd. A great example of this is the new folk movement with the likes of Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus, Julien Baker, their collective Boygenius and people like them (I could list a million of them). They're in these big concert halls where tickets are £40 a person (which doesn't sound expensive to some concert goers, which is crazy to me) and the place is packed. There is no movement in the crowd. Even for the upbeat exciting songs (I'm looking at you Motion Sickness, you can't tell me you haven't danced to that song). I don't think this is a new issue as I remember feeling the same way about Better Oblivion Community Centre and Bright Eyes. It's beautiful music and it is meant to be heard live but they definitely fit a more intimate format. For instance, I saw Boygenius at a intimate show and it was a lot more relaxed and I enjoyed it a lot more. (Same with Wallows). One of the other types is when artists are so very clearly there to get paid. I know this is the case a lot of the time but most who think this way at least pretend it's not, sometimes they don't though and they just want to get through the show. I once saw the same artist twice in one night cause I was going with two separate people and oh my god the guy was just pompous and thought he was better than his fans. I won't name names of course but it's near John Wayne airport. The last major issue I have is with one venue in particular. Alexandria Palace, I can't stand the place. It is a long hall, with no elevation. I wouldn't mind it if it were smaller but due it is massive scale and usually how packed it is. There is a criminally low chance you'll actually be able to see the artist on stage. Issues like this are fixed in places like O2 Brixton where the floor is slanted so you are higher the further back you go. Plus it's a wider space so you can be closer.

Anyway, daily rant over. I need to go to work.

[ghostjelliess]

I'm so sick of being the "interesting" patient to various general healthcare people. Dentist, orthodontist, oral surgeon, optometrist, general doc, everyone. They all gotta say something about how interesting my body is, as if I don't know that's code for "fucked up."

What's it like going anywhere for normal human maintenance with a working vehicle? I wouldn't know, I was born the modern equivalent of a 1957 amateur restoration project: guts out. It's only been wear and tear downhill since. But at least as an adult they stopped bringing all their friends in to look at the anomalies on the big projector screens in front of me so I could hyper fixate on all their big science words before bed for months.

Now when they bring their friends in, when they video conference and hold their phones to my face, flash-on, I call them my team and am much less embarrassed cus I know how weird all bodies are. But still, it must be nice to have been born with a make/model that matches your generation, or I guess to have had the expert mechanic to restore everything well, the investor to keep the timeline on-track.

Jokes on me though, cus there was no normalized procedure before, I was part of the experiment, I was lucky to be in the later batches that survived well enough to be handed over to normal doctors. This is good, I am grateful, but it's a weird third-culture kind of intersection. I guess in this metaphor I'm actually a UFO spaceship that the generalist-specialiats are a little confused and excited by. Cus the oral surgeon didn't even blink at the trauma lines in my mandible—man spends every single early morning surgery slot reconstructing spaceships, was not phased. Everyone else though? Everyone else gets a little too excited, and I'm just feeling a little self conscious about that today.

I guess this is why people stick with one person, cus then you only have to explain once. Unfortunately, explaining once is not an option in the New England healthcare landscape, cus even the optometrist I've had for six years forgets everything cus he has a billion patients. I'm known as "special hazel girl" and it doesn't sound weird in his old man accent, but we both know the special is just another word for interesting, and they both mean shaken, not stirred. I don't call him "my optometrist" either. I do, however, know his name.

Anyway, I have my first general dentist appointment next week after three years of reconstructing from a traumatic injury (as in: caused by blunt force trauma) that happened when I was ten. I'm never going to be able to not explain, no matter how much I look okay now, no matter how faint or hidden the massive scars become, or how many times I circle this country like a drain, because they're written on my bones, and sometimes it's embarrassing, but mostly I like it. No matter how I grow and recover to overcome twenty years of duct tape and WD-40 handcrafted poverty-solutions, the evidence remains. The suffering endured is still visible, but rather than a fresh bruise or a new line of stitches patched with those stupidly fat white square bandages, it's flexible, maybe even wise. I can think of myself as a classic and move on the road with ease, and maybe it's not so bad that the enthusiasts stop at gas stations to applaud the reconstruction, and maybe it's not the worst when amateurs ask what happened in that surreal gawk. Maybe it just means I'm still alive enough to endure the attention and aware enough to feel a little embarrassed by it. At least the guts are on the inside now, and doing pretty okay given the mileage.

But twenty years is a long time to run a malfunction, and now I'm learning what all these new dash lights mean. It's overwhelming. The stories are anticlimactic, the mental trauma recovered long before the physical, maybe numbed into acceptance, and caused different kinds of staccato bruises as I dragged myself up ladders. But now, the healthy and stable results I'm currently experiencing (not done, but almost there) gave me a functioning cloaked spaceship, and continue to confirm everything I knew. Angry road rage-y people have passed by my whole life while people around me said things like "that wasn't because of you, you can't even tell, it looks fine, if it still hurts, take some more Motrin," and now it doesn't hurt and it does look fine and you actually can't tell much if I don't want you to, and people don't road rage past me anymore.

I'm mad about it. I'm mad they lied to me, I'm mad I knew they were lying, and I'm mad I was right. It doesn't matter if the physical recovery allowed me to get up to speed and move more confidently or if the cloaking worked and people stopped rubbernecking past me, either way, my daily experience in the world is drastically changed. It's overwhelming and underwhelming in aggravatingly equal measure.

Except that when I go into the doctor or dentist or optometrist, I still become interesting and special. Maybe someday that will be a comfort, but right now it's still an anxiety-inducing irritation. Not because I don't want to be interesting or special, I was born a spaceship, it's fine, but because of the endless novacaine needles that follow, the exhausting choices to intentionally mutilate and endure pain because of improper healing and patches on patchjobs that have molded into me for decades and the other damages of coping for so long; to face the consequences of choices made for me, to trust the medical professionals standing over me despite a history of shoddy snake-oil promises by others wearing the same coats and charging half the price. I'm angry that people lie, to their children and themselves and each other in the name of comfort, and they never have to endure the repercussions. No matter how curious I am, I won't know the whole story of my own anomalies, and it's exhausting to walk into the same offices and be eroded with the same tidal questions: why is it like this? Why did they do that? Why didn't they try this? Why did this happen?

I don't know. I'm just a spaceship. Maybe this isn't even my home. Please don't hurt me if you don't have to. Please let me be mundane and uninteresting in the ways that don't matter to me.

But also, thank you.

[siofreed]

Extra stuff for the idea

Of the 2000 surviving Dreamers, only about 3 manage to survive longer than a year, & are now demonic

The dreamers all develop different skill set depending on their original dreams, though demonic traits are restricted to the before mentioned 3

At the death of the original Lotus Eater & Dante not claiming the territory, ownership is passed down to the surviving dreamers

Sio mentally sorts the dreamers into 3 categories: the Flowers (lures in new victims), the Roots (manipulators of energy or dreamers) & the Leaves (they ignore their new statuses)

The Dream is now open access to multiple worlds, giving the more moral dreamers headaches trying to stop people from running straight in

Can't imagine the governments being happy about their people just, running into a supernatural worldwide realm just to escape reality, so we probably have help there

potentially fatal ‘help’

… at least there’s less Flowers now?

Due to split control of the Dream, most of the new 'victims' have some control over their dreams, so can live whatever life they want within the territory

The non-dreamer victims will slowly be passively drained of their energy & life force (maybe about 1/3 the producing rate?), but to a lot of them, its worth it

So much (failed) crowd control

Sio

They now work as a magic wielding cleaner; its quite lucrative

Their companion demonic tea cart now carries cleaning supplies (& random snacks)

Given the chance, Sio is clingy, both figuratively & literally (Dante is a great jungle gym XD)

They're stuck as a 16 year old kid, though taking on demonic traits allows them to 'grow up'

The 'mundane' broom is a trap

If they really don't like you, you'd be suddenly talking to a lotus flower head on top of a human kid's body

Abilities:

General physical boost (demonic blood in a former human body, aye)

Teleport to anywhere there's a thinking being, good for tracking

Energy manipulation (from watching the old Eater), includes absorption

Giant Lotus monster form that can rapidly set up & spread new (& persistent) Lotus Dreams

Lotus Dreamer

Dreamed I was a victim of an ancient Lotus Eater with a multi-world territory. It kinda rolled into DMC by the end?

---

The Lotus Eater is a variant of dream demons, able to setting up territories within the mental realms of worlds containing thinking beings, neatly sidestepping the usual territorial disputes.

Victims are usually pulled in by the Eater, who aims for beings with high mental activity during sleep (ie humans & mid to high demons). To keep rivals & other disruptions off his back, he randomly take a few from each world without pattern. Most don't survive more than a month, though the Eater is usually 'kind' enough to let them die peacefully.

Sio is one of the Eater's many victims, though they're somewhat resistant to his influence due to their (unreliable) ability for lucid dreaming. That resistance (& their trait of fading into the background) allow them to survive for far longer in the dream realm than is otherwise possible, until what felt like centuries have pass.

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Either through a miscalculation or plain bad luck, during the Eater's hunt in the DMC world, Dante ends up in the Lotus Dream.

Shenanigans later, an amused Sio, a confused Eater, & an also confused Dante is sitting around a table, drinking tea. Sio has a new tea cart now! Its full of secrets~ (running joke from a discord server)

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Once Dante vanquished the Eater, all the surviving Dreamers (as named by the gov) are dumped into the DMC world, about 2000 of em. Most of them unable to go home due to either:

They've been declared dead years ago (or their local alt was)

Their local alt is alive & doesn't want them around

They plain don't exist, due to different timelines

They don't exist due to being from utterly different worlds (fandoms)

xxx

Other stuff

Sio is now semi-demonic due to long term exposure

Due to weird dimensional timeflow, too much time has passed in Sio's home world, so everyone they know are already long dead

Sio's probably demonic tea cart will later be changed into a supply cart

[anti-katsuki-lounge]

You know it has happened to me that even in bkdk fics, it's one of the ships that I can't enjoy, I have read bkdk fics and although the talent of many fics writers amazes me, when it's about this ships they're almost the same and above all they try the relationship in the same way as in the canon but with a romantic relationship, for example bk is still annoying and idiot, gets angry with Midoriya uses his quirk or verbally denigrates him (because that's his personality and way of showing appreciation) or even those fics where we are supposed to see emotional growth always end with Midoriya forgiving or understanding all bk's problems and justifying his actions, I'm not lying the other day I read a multi-chapter fic about Midoriya and bk becoming a couple and bk wasn't a reliable partner at the first change would get angry or react angrily to later regret it, he demands Midoriya to tell him everything and finally at one point he even ends the relationship because he can't live thinking about Midoriya dying and leaves him by phone when Izuku had just woken up in a hospital bed. Then there is how Midoriya's significant relationships are left aside because the only center of his character is bk but when we talk about bk, Kirishima and other people are important to him and he would never leave them even for Izuku.

What I want to get at is that these fics don't seek to tell a romance but simply that a character is the center of everything and that Midoriya endures and defends a relationship that is unhealthy, they have all the red flags, emotional dependence, isolation of the person with their friends and family, verbal and physical violence that ends in an apology and a promise to change and the victim justifying the abuser. It's the type of fics that when you finish reading them instead of being expectant for more or excited, you're left mentally drained because it's the type of relationship that you would hate in real life but in fics they seek to pass off as romantic, that the lack of communication and violent reactions are for some reason funny and the blame is always shared although one of the parties is always making an effort while the other does nothing, I don't understand how even in fics there can't be a more or less good dynamic between the characters.

I get that. Unfortunately like all ships that have elements that people consider problematic, there are some fans who don’t see Katsuki’s behavior as anything bad and as such try to pass it off as something cute. A relationship, whether friendly or romantic, is supposed to involve growth and care. You want to see the two characters together. For Katsuki, that involves learning to treat Izuku as an equal. Both canon and the fics you’re talking about fail to do this.

[martyrgargoyle]

MASTERPOST TO THE TYLER JOSEPH SITUATION FOR ANYONE CONFUSED!

On September 2nd, 2020, Tyler Joseph tweeted this:

Before this post Tyler has never spoken up about BLM. Many of his fans, especially POC have been asking him to please voice and show support since he has a large influence. Instead, he chose to downplay a movement based on the minority having the courage to face their oppressors that have brutalized and discriminated against them and demand change. Instead of holding this movement as serious and important as it is, he chose to make it a punchline to his insensitive and self centered joke and mocking the people that are risking their lives fighting for a difference.

Tyler Joseph has an estimated net worth of 20 million. That's 20,000,000. He also benefits from being white, cis (and het passing/straight), male, and physically abled. He won't risk being homeless due to being fired (other people signed to the same label has spoken out) or kicked out/evacuated if he spoke out. He won't risk brutalization by the police for speaking out. He would not risk being shot point blank for speaking out. All of these, and more, have happened to people that's fought for BLM. Protesters have been tracked down and arrested and killed. Yet a man with as much privilege as him refused to say anything this entire time.

He is in the position and has power to speak out and influence thousands with his platform and being an idol to a lot of younger teens that take his word as fact and will defend him. This is incredibly dangerous because it starts and gives a pass for racist mindset to younger people, meaning they could think BLM is a joke or not serious or lead to even worse racist thoughts due to them wanting to be like their idol.

Then Tyler proceeded to post this rant on mental health about 40 minutes after being criticized by many fans:

Okay so I have a lot of thoughts on this and dissecting his s*icide baity and victimizing rant.

1. While using humor can be a valid coping mechanism, it has a time and place as well as a subject matter. For me I can say a dark joke on my past abuse. But for someone else, it is not their right to make my trauma their entertainment. Especially if that person is someone that didn't/doesn't face the same trauma and is in a position to benefit from it.

2. Why is supporting BLM such a burden on him? He doesn't face the discriminated they do yet act as if they're a burden if he cannot make their suffering an entertainment. He acts as if saying Black people shouldn't be killed due to their race harms him and he's suffering due to it. Instead of even remaining silent (which is violent and dangerous as well), he went out of his way specifically to mock the movement.

3. He's weaponizing mental health as an excuse for his tone death joke. He's trying to make himself seem the victim for facing backlash and when he first posted these, it was spaced out and had a s*icide baity feel. He shouldn't put POC down to uplift mental health, both are such important issues but instead....

3. He says reminding us what he's 'fighting' for, which apparently is just mental health. But what about POC's mental health, in this case? What about a Black person being depressed and drained and scared because they see their family and friends being killed only due to their race? And on top of that, having to worry if it happens to them as well while constantly grieving? Is that not important or 'worthy' of his support? Or is he admitting he only 'fights' for something that'll cater to and provide for him as well? And that if he can't benefit, he won't care or deem it something worthy to fight for and that he doesn't care? He can't use his mental illness/your shtick as a reason why you will excuse and ignore (and cater to) racism.

But most controversial and insensitive of all he tweeted this with it:

Here he is upfront and clearly defending his joke, despite being told and aware of how insensitive it was. He is admitting he doesn't care about POC feelings or how it impacts them and the way his original tweet has hurt his fanbase. He is defending his mocking of the BLM movement and the people actually fighting while being less privileged than him. He is saying his feelings and his joke means more than POC dying for no reason other than their skin color. He is defending his insensitive tweet knowing it has hurt POC.

He is bluntly being racist and aware of it.

And finally, he tweeted the damage control:

And this is just as repulsive and wrong as his mental health excuse.

1. It was about human rights. There's no way to excuse or lie or downplay it. He literally made a joke about his POC fans begging him to show support and use him platform given his privilege and influence. He can't lie his way through this to excuse himself or try to make people that were understandably upset look like over reacting fools.

2. No room for that? People never said he has to only talk on BLM. If he's waiting for it to stop mattering or trending, it's disgusting. Black lives will ALWAYS matter, it doesn't change based on the hashtag trending or it gaining more attention. He acts as he can't care about two different things or that Black lives doesn't matter as much as a subject that affects you. No one said he can't talk and continue to bring awareness to mental health and for many POC it's more important than ever to have resources and support since they live in a world with a society literally designed to kill and target them. Instead of tweeting one thread or link to donations or awareness to the discrimination Black people face daily; Tyler made a joke, defended it despite it hurting POC, then threw a tantrum for an excuse on why he could never be assed to even pretend to care that much.

3. If it hurted someone? POC were literally telling him from the start it was harmful and damaging. He DID hurt POC but he didn't listen or care until he realized how damaging it is for his career? He isn't sorry he hurt POC, he's sorry he has hurt his career and reputation in exposing his immaturity regarding serious issues. He's ignoring and shifting blame and finally doing even below bare minimum. From the very first tweet to him defending it, he has alerted and told on himself for placing his feelings above Black lives. He deemed a joke on the expense of BLM meaning more than actual Black people's feelings.

Debby Ryan and Josh Dun has both liked his original tweet:

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As well as these tweets he has had a questionable history. Involving:

Racist tweets from 2015 he never apologized for.

Anti-black lyrics such as in Lane Boy:

'I wasn't raised in the hood

But I know a thing or two about pain and darkness'

And while that can be and is a reference to how mental illness impacts even privileged, it just doesn't sit right with me personally.

He also uses hip hop and rap (a genre specifically tied in and dominated by Black artists and labeled as not real music/easy musix), per example of Heavydirtysoul (just entire second half is continuously putting rap artists down) and Holding Onto You, quoting the song 'Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It' by Dem Franchize Boyz to be below him. (Bridge 2, line one)

Tyler has also refused to publicly disagree with his brother's racist, transphobic, homophobic, right-winged views.

Has not spoken about police brutality before, such as ignoring it until a police officer got killed back in 2016.

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Please feel free to reblog and add on/talk about your thoughts! :)