#but those turtles were so fucking annoying

[grinchwrapsupreme]

looking at r/stupiddovenests and it's activating a memory in me of when i worked at a golf course as a groundskeeper and there were these big piles of mulch and soil behind our building for the gardener and the arbourist and at the same time every year they would be made off limits because turtles who lived on the course would lay their eggs in them and turtles are a protected species and it was so normal for the company that there were special signs that said turtle eggs do not touch just for the piles and when the first egg was found they would announce it to the staff at our morning meeting and we could get in trouble for touching the mulch pile

[olderthannetfic]

Something that frustrates me about the Harry Potter conversation is a lot of people missing the point behind the motivation to boycott it. They seem weirdly focused on the content of HP when it's actually... not that bad? It's not perfect, in fact a lot of aspects are pretty fucking problematic and worthy of discussion, but not uniquely so by the standards of the fantasy genre. Yes, I know the goblins are clearly drawing on anti-semitic tropes. Yes, the house elf situation is fucked. Yes, lots of not-like-other-girls-style misogyny. Yes, Cho Chang was a fucking disaster of racism. I KNOW THIS ALREADY! I'm not an idiot and Harry Potter fans were talking about this for far longer than JKR has been a TERF. But I'm also a fan of the Elder Scrolls and Dragon Age and the Witcher and a shitton of isekai anime and tons of other fantasy medias which are so much worse. Harry Potter is only moderately problematic by the standards of most popular fantasy media, especially for the mainstream standards of the time period it was written. Worthy of criticism, but not dropping it entirely. And actually reading HP and looking back at JKR's behaviour at the time, much of it seems largely unintentional, just that JKR drew on a lot of fantasy tropes that she didn't properly examine as well as her own unexamined biases and she had some flawed understandings of progressivism that were fair for its day but don't fly now, but doesn't seem malicious. The actual authorial intent at least seems to be pretty progressive at least, even if the execution wasn't the best. And sure, it's not a masterwork but there's a reason it connected to so many people, even if a lot of it was luck and timing. We don't have to ignore that and doing so feels dishonest.

I'm just so annoyed when people try to shit on the contents because they're missing the point and confuse the actual problem in a way that weakens their argument. I don't give Harry Potter money anymore because JKR crossed some lines for me in real life, totally separate from Harry Potter as a piece of media, and I don't want to fund her bullshit because she is so influential it is hurting people. The content of her books is utterly irrelevant to this decision. She could have penned a goddamn magnum opus and it wouldn't have mattered. So I'm sick of people bringing up books that are "better" or ragging on the contents of Harry Potter because none of that is the point and never was the point and it comes across as just taking advantage of a shitty situations to dunk on a popular thing or those who enjoyed it. Yeah, it was a mediocre fantasy series. But it hit the right emotional escapist buttons in a lot of kids even if it had the moral nuance and depth of a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anti-drug PSA. Having to drop it sucked for a lot of people because it can't be replaced and yelling about how bad the writing was doesn't change that because it never was about quality. JKR's TERF transformation was in many ways a betrayal of JKR's intended audience considering how the text preached acceptance and love and starred an abused, unwanted child getting to go to magic school where he's special. Pretending Harry Potter should be dropped because its content has issues obscures the actual problem of a raging transphobic having money and influence and that not everything created by bad people is poor quality so boycotts might require giving up access to things you actually like or are valuable and that's not always an easy decision to make.

JKR was a probably decent person with fairly liberal politics when she wrote Harry Potter. The books, while imperfect, are not more horrible or full of problems a dozen other popular fantasy properties. JKR become a TERF later in life and while she may have had ingrained transphobia prior to this when she wrote Harry Potter, that is not the same as the virulent hate-movement she's part of now and we should recognize how easy it is for people to get drawn into hate-movements. Any argument to boycott should be about how she's using her money and influence to affect real life laws and attitudes unless you want to try and get people to also drop half the fantasy genre.

--

[jusmango-shake]

Erm, I see requests are open ehehe :)

2012 Raph x reader who is a generally pretty calm person, but one day is involved in a fight with them and just goes absolutely apeshit crazy? Like his reaction or whatever. I don’t care how you interpret it. I just wanna see. :)

🥭: yES HELLO!! Congrats on uh being my first requester ion kno what it's called h, feel free to pick an emoji so yknow. You could be those emoji anons cuz, I think that'd be pretty cool

I hope you enjoy it though!!1!1 (love the 2012 turtles)

12!Raph x calm!Reader

Fictype: Normal

Mood: fluff

WARNING: reader scolds Raph for being reckless, one instance of Raph being called a good boy, cussing, Injuries/Blood, stitching/needles

🥭:I'm sorry for it being so short!.

Raph always liked the fact you were so cool. no matter the situation, you always made it seem as if it was just like any other day. He admired that about you, it rivaled his own hot-headedness in a way only you could.

But now as he sat on the toilet, all bloody and bruised up. He wondered where that side of you went.

He understood where you were coming from but it's like his ego prevented him from accepting it, any time he tried speaking up was immediately shot down.

He faked an annoyed sigh as he looked in the opposite direction, trying to ignore the stinging pain on his right bicep.

He nearly shivered at the heavy sigh you let out, the hot air tickling his skin.

“Raphael.” you spoke sternly, the mere tone of your voice enough to have Raphs heart pounding inside his chest.

He coughed, trying his best to keep up the bravado.

"Yeah.?" He felt your eyes bore into the back of his head, wincing at the slight pain of the needle penetrating his skin.

“look at me.” you ordered.

He gulped before shakily turning to look at you. not because he was scared, hell no! It's obviously because of the large gash you were currently stitching up. Yeah, definitely.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Did you seriously think you wouldn't get hurt? God, Raph. Sometimes I swear your ego makes you fucking stupid.” You stared daggers into Raph's eyes before continuing to stitch the gash.

He flinched once more, "But i-"

You turned your head sharply, glaring at Raph with the usual twinkle and calmness from your eyes completely gone. His breath hitched, it wasn't like you to be so...

“no 'Buts' Raph, what you did was fucking idiotic. if it weren't for Leo, I'd have to fix up more of your wounds. All that just to impress me?” you turned back to focus on finishing the stitch, the thread was severed with a quiet 'snip'

Raph's eyes widened at the last sentence, you couldn't have possibly known right? He never told anyone, he even tried his best to hide it.

"What?" Was all he could manage, staring at you with wide eyes. He followed you even as you knelt down to get the bandages from the cabinet under the sink.

“dont play games with me Raph, I see the way you act around me. The shit you pull off was practically upped tenfold, even your brothers could see that.” a faint blush making its way onto your cheeks, to which you promptly hid by applying alcohol on the cotton balls.

Raph's heart sank. if you knew all along, why didn't you say anything? Did you not like him back?

As he stared at the floor in thought, he only slightly registered the fact you were once again kneeling Infront of him. He hissed at the stinging pain of alcohol on the other cuts, you reacted by simply glancing at him.

You sighed, putting the used cotton balls in the trash, standing up. You cupped both of his cheeks, gently having him look at you. Your gaze still tense and sturdy, but a hint of empathy comforting Raph just a little.

Raph stared up at you, shock and guilt written all over his face.

“you worried me half to death, Raph.”

He felt himself shrinking under your stern gaze. Looking off to the side in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

You took the bandages and wrapped them tightly around his arm, just tight enough to keep the wound closed.

“Raph?”

"Yeah..?"

You kissed the top of his head.

“next time, don't be such a dumb fuck. Be a good boy and stay safe for me.”

Raph sat there with wide eyes and rosy cheeks, barely registering the fact you had already left the bathroom. His fingers grazed over the spot you kissed him at, his heartbeat getting more and more prominent in his chest. But this time, it was accompanied with butterflies in his stomach.

Maybe he did have a chance.

[mal3vol3nt]

the reason people get mad and upset over aang not killing ozai is because they can’t or are unwilling to understand what it really meant for him to be the last airbender

a lot of people don’t truly acknowledge what aang went through when they talk about him. it was a genocide. an ethnic cleansing. a GENOCIDE. and i think that’s because so many people are just incapable or unwilling to wrap their heads around how tragic and isolating and unchangeable something like that is.

i’ve seen countless people say they wish aang had found other airbenders hiding away somewhere. and while i totally get wanting that to happen for the happiness of the character (hell, even i have thought about how heart wrenching that utter relief would feel for him), i’ve also seen those takes associated with people saying they just find it hard to believe that none of the airbenders survived. that none of them were able to escape.

and that’s the thing that annoys me because genocide is a real fucking thing that has happened and IS currently happening in the world (just look at palestine, congo, sudan). it shouldn’t be so hard for people to suspend their belief into thinking it could happen in a fictional piece of media. this disbelief that a genocide can be real results in people being unable to fully sympathize with a character who is stated several times to be the definite, unchangeable sole survivor of his people’s genocide. and i’m not saying it’s wrong to want there to be airbenders who lived, but in canon it’s clear that none of them did. and the ones who did canonically escape were hunted and lured by the fire nation to their demise. and if we’re going to discuss characters and the intents behind their actions, aang’s character development is heavily, heavily heavily guided by his guilt and grief over his lost culture and people. but a lot of people still can’t wrap their heads around the canonical genocide he survived, meaning they can’t fully comprehend why aang would choose peace over a violent end. and considering atla is a western show with a largely western audience, its even more evident that this gap in people’s ability to understand and sympathize with aang is emphasized by their western intrigue toward violence. people don’t just misunderstand aang’s dilemma—they wanted him to kill ozai because seeing him do that would have been cool and interesting and satisfying.

but aang’s decision to spare ozai’s life was made due to his status as the last airbender. prior to meeting the lion turtle, i think it’s safe to say that he had resigned to what he had to do. that is to say, he was likely going to kill ozai despite the pain that was going to cause him. he was going to give up a part of himself, his humanity and the last remainings of his culture, to be the avatar the world needed. but he was then gifted the ability to energy bend, offering him, but not cementing, another option. aang still had the choice, and we saw in the fight that aang was so very close to killing ozai even with this new ability. but he couldn’t. because although killing ozai would have been a pretty justifiable thing to do, it would have fully finished off the air nomads. aang was the only living human who held onto their beliefs. if he were to push those values aside to end the war, the war would have ended the same way it started: with the death of the air nomads. and it may sound “cheesy” or overly dramatic or whatever to some people, but aang’s entire story arc has, arguably, been him trying to fit in a world that seemingly has no more room for the air nomads. not only is he 100 years in the future, but this future has none of his people around and war is everywhere. violence is basically required to survive. death is everywhere. greed has corrupted nations. everything the air nomads stood against made up this world, and aang, as the avatar, had no choice but to save it. for him to have given in to what everyone expected of him—violence—he would have ultimately eliminated air nomad values from the world. and the world would have not cared. aang’s victory would have been celebrated, but aang would have felt even more grief than before. he would have let himself and his people down. and balance would have never been achieved because the air nomads mattered. they were part of what kept the world going round. no matter how much the current world he was fighting for called for violence and death to achieve an end, the air nomads still had a voice through aang. they were still around because of aang. aang’s existence and dedication and love for his culture kept the genocide from being official.

and in my opinion, air nomadic values coming out victorious in a war that nearly wiped them clean (except for aang) is much more of a meaningful and satisfying ending than violence ending with violence.

and if you wanna call aang’s decision selfish, then fine. but i personally think it’s more selfish to expect a survivor of genocide to keep giving and giving and giving for a war that took his people from him until he has nothing left of himself to give. i think that is far more selfish. aang may be the avatar but he is also human. just as much human as his people were, and the leaders he was fighting against, and the millions of people he ended up saving, and just as deserving of having some sort of agency in the decisions he makes. call me crazy ig

[pjmxtra]

Take care of you…ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁

જ⁀➴ pairing: best friend! jake x f!reader

જ⁀➴ synopsis: After your boyfriend has been ignoring you jake decided to make you less lonely… in many ways.

જ⁀➴ genre: smut !

જ⁀➴ notes: There is cheating in this fic obvi. but not you being cheated on ;) also sorry for the late updates :,( work has been busy as hell !!

“I’m so over it” you rolled you eyes, as you let a sigh escape past your lips. You had just been complaining about your boyfriend to your best friend Jake for the a millionth time. Jake let out a little laugh has heard you complain once again.

“It’s not funny Jake” You pouted, throwing a pillow at him. “It’s like he doesn’t even care about me” A frown was now seen on your lips. Thinking about your boyfriend was just making you so annoyed. The only reason you had came over to Jakes was to tell him about the horrible thing your boyfriend did.

Your boyfriend was invited to a party so of course you came along. However, your boyfriend was chatting up a storm with anyone that wasn’t you. You felt so isolated. How could your own boyfriend not at least let you join the conversation. Every attempt you made to chime in you would get talked over or just plane out ignored. How thoughtful his friends were.

Jakes eyes connected with yours as he moved his hands and grabbed yours. “ Y/N you are an amazing girlfriend that fuck doesn’t even deserve you and you know it” You let out the breathe you had been holding in. Your heart beging to race as his face inched closer towards you.

Feeling a sudden shyness wash over you. It’s true you had always had a little bit of a tiny winy crush on Jake. I mean who wouldn’t. He was so nice and sweet. Such a gentleman and he was 10/10 handsome. You couldn’t even deny it.

But you do have a boyfriend so you can’t be to shameful. You had pushed those feeling way back when you got together with your boyfriend but you can’t seem to get rid of all the feelings you have for him. Especially seeing him looking so. Handsome. As he stared into your eyes, you couldn’t help but admire him. He looked so well put together and that turtle neck was doing him justice.

Jake let out a sigh as his hand lifted up to pat you head. The slight gesture sending your heart in motion. No way. Your only feeling this way because your touched deprived. Yeah that’s it. You really tried to reason with the feelings that where starting to crawl out from deep deep within your heart.

“You know…” Jake started, the shift in mood couldn’t be more obvious. “I can take care of you” His eyes shifted as his voice became lower. Your breath got stuck in your throat.

He moved towards you leaving only an inch left of space between you two. “Would you like that?” He asked, slowly you nodded your head to the best of your ability. You knew it was a very bad idea, for crying out loud you have a boyfriend. But all thoughts of him where thrown out the window once he really had shown interest.

Jake had been waiting for this moment for so fucking long. Way before your stupid boyfriend came into the picture. He really can't stand him. He doesn’t deserve you like he does and today he finally gets to show you that. No matter how long it takes.

His hand caressed your cheek, he slowly moved closer to you. The tension in the air was thick, but none of you were complaining. You two had waited for this, no matter how much you deny it. You always wanted this… wanted him.

Growing impatient you grabbed both sides of his face. Closing the gap between you. Jakes hands began to roam around your body. Making sure to touch every last piece of you.

Separating to catch your breath you stared into his eyes. You rapped your arms around his neck. Not saying a word. He tilted his head to the side. Lowering it towards your neck. Slowly starting to leave a mark. A high pitch moan leaving your throat.

“I’ve waited so long for this.” he whispered into your neck. Your heart began to race as your breathing became heavier. Starting to run your fingers through his hair. You couldn’t help but feel so loved. Finally being the center of attention. A pop sound was heard as Jake parted his lips from your neck. He moved his head back. admiring the mark he had made.

“Look at you, all marked up for me.” A little whine came from you. Jake couldn’t help but let out a laugh at how cute you looked. All shy. Just because he marked you up. Marked you as his.

His hand brushed over the red mark, smirking at his creation. “So beautiful. So fucking beautiful.” He reconnected his lips with yours as his hand slowly started to hick up your thigh. You started growing more impatient by the second. All you wanted was for him to touch you already. You started to move your hips to at least try and get some friction.

“Jakeee” You whined in between the kiss. Your eyes becoming droopy, you pouted at him. Hoping he would just give in a fuck you already. He broke the kiss and started making new marks on your neck.

“What do you want? hmm what does baby want” Oh god how sexy can his man get. Being treated like this by him made it hard for you not to soak your panties. You let out a moan as he continued to suck on your delicate skin.

“I want…” shyness over taking you. You started to become embarrassed. Your grip around his hair tightened. “I want you to touch me” you said in a whisper. Burning your head into his hair. You felt him smirk against your skin. Without any warning Jake picked you up over his shoulder.

“Jakeeee! Put me down!” You squealed, hitting his back as you tried to wiggle in his grasp.

“No can do baby” He chuckled, enjoying the way you tired to escape. He placed you onto the bed. Pushing you back so that your own your back. “mm so pretty” He said before connecting his lips with yours once again. His hand began to move up your leg he stopped right where you needed him most. You left out a whine, moving to try and have him finally touch you.

“You sure you want this?” He asked, his expression changed to a genuine one. You nodded eagerly. He chuckled at how needy you were.

“Words baby”

“Yes! yes.. I want this” You answered. “Please just fuck me already” And that he did. He hocked his fingers around your panties. Pulling them down to your ankles. A squeal coming from you. His fingers pressed against your clit, slowly moving them in a circular motion.

A moan slipped passed your lips, moving your hips. “mmm please jake, more” your plead was just so desperate how could he not grant you your wish? He kissed down your neck and the pace of his fingers went faster.

He loved the sounds you made so so much. He always thought of you this way. Even after you got your boyfriend. How could be not? You always wore those skimpy outfits that showed off your body just right.

“You’re such a slut,” he said “Letting a man that’s not even your own boyfriend, touch in such ways.” lifting his face from your neck. You let a moan slip past, why did he have to sound so hot.

“Jake- please i’m so close.” you moaned, ignoring the fact what you guys were doing was so wrong. So fucking wrong. But why was it so good? So good that you couldn’t stop. Not even if you wanted to. Finally being the center of someone’s attention felt so nice. Even if it wasn’t from your boyfriend, you aren’t mad it’s from Jake.

“Yeah baby, you close?” He whispered with that stupid smirk on his face. Why did he have to be so fucking sexy? It was so hard to feel an ounce of guilt when he had you feel so good. You gasped as you felt his fingers curl, hitting a spot that just felt to good.

“Go on, cum like the nasty slut you are..” You moaned as you shifted in his lap. Just his words alone were sending you into overdrive. The sensation was all to much. You moaned as you came on his fingers. You let out a sigh as you tried to catch your breath.

Jake pulled his fingers out, causing you to whine at how sensitive you were. You watched as he lifted his hand and slowly slipped his fingers into his mouth. Releasing them with a popping sound.

“Now that was fun, wasn’t it Y/n?” He said, smiling down at you. You hummed as you let your head rest on his chest. Silence washed over the both of you. The smell of sex was in the air, “Round 2 ?” you whispered, lifting your head. Jake let out laugh, “Who am I to pass that up.”

Whether it lead to guilt and reget. This was gonna be a long night for sure…

A.N: I’M SO SORRY FOR BEING IA FOR SO LONG 🥹 I’LL POST MORE I SWEAR!! Hope you enjoy this post !!

[acefiree]

𝗯𝗮𝘆! 𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗮𝗲𝗹 | bedtime argument

Raphael ✷ Grayson ( dating ) MASTERLIST

ᕦ(๏益๏)ᕥ: when stupid argument turn into a cuddle session with the hotheaded ninja.

WARNINGS: ocs, first pov, cuddling, slight tension, harsh words.

NOTE: this can be read as a reader insert, so enjoy ❤️

      IT WAS A PETTY argument, one that I couldn’t even remember how or why it started. But it was still an argument, and it left me fuming with my boyfriend. My very hotheaded, burly, boyfriend – who right now, was lying on his side of the bed, eyes sharp as the Sai he wields as he stared down at me.

      "Why are ya' actin' like a brat?" The fuck? His words came off gruff, and the tone he used caused my blood to boil. Did he really just call me a brat?

      "Brat? Seriously?" I snipped, the angle I was in giving me a perfect view of his face. I squinted my eyes up at him. I know this was childish, but the petty side of me was strong. So I did the most logical and expected thing any girlfriend would do when pissed off at their boyfriend. I grabbed a handful of my thick duvet, jerking it up my body until it reached under my chin, “I’ll show you a frackin’ brat!”

      This time, instead of egging him on to get a rise out of him, I swiftly rolled over and faced away, curling under the blanket to hide myself from his glare. I could feel the bed shift from behind me, dibbing deep from the weight of the burly turtle. There was a gruff huff, and I knew Raphael was even more annoyed now.

I felt the bed shift again, and I could only assume he was rolling onto the back of his shell, given the fact the matress jostled with his movements, as if he were having a little trouble getting comfortable. After that, a deafing silence filled my room and the only sounds was of us breathing. I'm sure a whole hour passed, and by then, I had calmed to the point I started to feel bad.

All I wanted to do now is roll over, curl into his arms, and pepper kisses on his face until he showed me that breath taking smirk I loved so much. But the stubborn side of me wouldn't allow that. Raphael couldn't think what he said earlier was okay. Sure, calling me a Brat pissed me off, but that wasn't the reason I was upset.

He had just come through my window in a pissy mood because things at the lair where tense, him and Leo butting heads again, so naturally he was already upset, with his quick temper and rebellious attitude. I know he had a hard time controlling his actions when it came to following his older brothers demands for their team. But what started our argument was something so so stupid, and I should have known telling him to give Leo a break would set him off.

Raphael just wanted someone to take his side for once, but I didn't, instead I took his older brothers side. Though, it wasn't with ill intent. I only said what I said because it was true. Leo could be an ass sometimes, but the guy had the stress of protecting his younger brothers, and on top of that, he was the leader. And when I tried telling Raph that, it didn't play out the way I had hoped.

"If ya' wanna defend Fearless so bad, why don't ya' date him instead,"

Those words had hurt, but I knew he didn't mean them. It was very, and I mean very rare for Raphael to get snippy with me like that. But tonight, I caught him in one his worst moods, and I should have approched the situation better. Though, I wasn't going to give in and let him think speaking to me like that was okay.

Cause it's not, and he won't do it again. I couldn't give in to his tough-guy charm, which always made my heart flutter in the most alluring way.

      I kept my eyes closed, hoping soon, sleep would take me so I wouldn't just fold.

      Just as I was starting to relax, and drift into sleep, the feeling of three large fingers incasing the side of my shoulder had me wide awake and on guard. At first, I reached up, pushing his hand away, trying to show him I meant business. But then, the bed dipped as he rolled to face me and a muscled arm around my mid-section made my stubbornness melt away as I was tugged backward into a hard, plastron chest.

      His arm slotted under mine as he gently turned my upper half a little so he could see my face, his beak burring into the dip of my shoulder as he laid a small kiss on my skin. A tiny shiver ran down my spine as he let out a small rumble, the deep sound vibrating against my back as he left a trail of soft kisses until he got to my ear and lowly whispered.

"I'm sorry, baby, I shouldn'a spoke to you that way..."

His lips were ghosting over mine as I turned my head, finally getting a good look at those green eyes I loved so much. There was a softness to his gaze, and I could see the regret shining in the pools of his eyes.

My own gaze softened the longer I stared into his eyes, and no words had to be shared, because I knew, he was honestly sorry and he knew he messed up. And he also knew I couldn't stay mad for long, especially not when was staring at me like that, a look I was sure he had learned from Mikey, who oftentimes got anything he wanted when he pulled this expression.

      His soft apology had me like putty in his hands, and all I could do in response was nudge my nose against his, laying a soft peck on the scar on his upper lip before grasping the hand that somehow wedged its way on the other side of my head. Turning back around, I sunk into his hold and tugged his arm under my chin, which was slunked over me like a protective blanket. I kissed his knuckles, earning a deep churr in response as he relaxed and laid back, effectively pulling my smaller form closer.

      I felt him bury his face into my hair, inhaling deeply "Ya' drive me crazy, babe."

      This time, a tiny giggle escaped my lips and I ran my fingers over his forearm, marveling at how rough he was compared to my softness. "You love me for it,"

      "Yeah, I do." He murmured, kissing my head once more before dropping his hands to trail the curves of my body that were slotted against his larger form. He rumbled once again, "So fuckin' much,"

MASTERLIST

[tmntxthings]

一∑ Collection of Lies・゜・。

author’s note: it’s high time for something slightly fluffy, not all the way, but kinda sorta, at least not dead on heart-stomping angst right??? RIGHT???

warnings: crack, cursing, gaslighting, manipulation, slight angst, sprinkle of fluff, attempt at dry humor, unedited

word association: compulsive liars, denial, heartbreak, telephone-game, sarcasm, dramatic flair

song: “ 50 Ways to Die by Train ”

—————————————————————————

When you thought the next couple of weeks were going to be rough. You didn’t think people were going to call you worried about fatal accidents. Not once did this happen. Not twice. An unreasonable amount of times did your friends call you up, texted you, or even barged into your humble abode to question your wellbeing.

It had been heartwarming at first. Cute afterwards. And quickly became annoying and overplayed later on.

You hadn’t been to the lair in a week. You were busy watching a show when Mikey called your phone that night. You answered on the second ring, before you could speak a word, Mikey could be heard wailing. So much so you had to bring the phone away from your ear. You put it on speaker instead.

“Mikey?!?” You shouted over his sobs.

“Y-y/n?!!???!!?” He sounded surprised that you had answered. “Is that really you???” He was all sniffles. “Uh, yeah, you called me!” You reminded him.

“But I thought you were in a plane crash!” He exasperated. You were stunned to say the least. “What???” Was all you could think of.

“You went to Tahiti or at least tried to! But the plane went down and you died!” Michelangelo expounded further, only furthering your confusion. “Mikey, none of those things happened. Who told you that??”

The line went silent for a moment.

A moment more.

“Hello???” You said into the receiver wondering if the call was still going.

“Still here! Hmm! Looks like I got some things mixed up, whoopsy! OH— gotta go Y/n it’s Hypno—“

And just like that the line was dead.

Now that last bit was nothing out of the usual. The turtles all seemed to be perfectly fine with calling you during odd times like fighting a villain.

What was not normal was the death assumption?!

Whatever!

…

The next day.

Donatello texted you.

[ Is it true that you got crushed in the back of a garbage truck? ]

[ .-. no. wtf? ]

[ Thought so. Thanks. ]

[ hey, you can’t just drop that bomb and dip! ]

[ donnie??? ]

[ akwkcjkwpifiowpwjdeppqoddjqk ]

He didn’t text you back until you had just dropped the topic completely.

But you’ll never guess what happened the day after that. April checked up on you! Visiting your apartment, when you had opened the door to greet her, her face instantly looked relieved! Like she was expecting the worse.

“Hey April?” Long into the visit you decided to ask what had been bugging you. “You didn’t hear anything weird like I’d died in a plane or garbage truck did you?” You were sure April had been asked weirder questions.

“No no nothing like that!” She assured. But her eyes darted away after holding contact for three seconds. Your eyes narrowed quickly. “But?” You threw out.

“…but I heard you fell into a pool of cement mix..”

Your eyebrows couldn’t raise any further. Conveniently. Too conveniently. A call buzzed April’s phone, saying it was her mom and she had to rush back home. She spoke over all your hurried questions and thrown out accusations.

This was getting fucking weird!

And Raph, the last person to check-up, had no hopes of getting out of your questions. Because when he landed on your fire escape. Tapping on your window. You didn’t say a peep until he got inside your room. And just as quickly as you let him in, you locked the windowsill. Now you knew Raph could easily break down the wall if he wanted to escape. But that was the thing, he hadn’t really wanted to. In fact he looked pretty torn up whenever you asked who had spread the rumor “that you had been eaten by a lion.”

A fucking. LION. Where in New York City would I—

“At the zoo!” Raph said tapping his index fingers together meekly.

“Raph, just tell me what I want to hear.”

You had a pretty good guess as to who was behind what now but you needed the affirmation that you weren’t just going batshit crazy.

“It’s…”

“Well…”

You wanted to pull out your hair!! He was being torturously slow. “Spit it out Raphala!”

“Ever since last week Leo’s been acting so weird! And every time we ask why you’re not hanging around or coming over he keeps giving us these weirdly detailed responses about…well how you died!” He says this in one big breath, like he couldn’t get it out fast enough.

You had clued in on it being Leo, but it was just too childish. All because you had broken up with him? He was going this far??

Raph watched as the gears in your head turned. As your expression grew harsher. He cleared his throat. “Ya know.. Raph thinks Leo’s pretty torn up about the whole thing. He won’t admit that you two broke up. He’ll say anything other than that.”

Oh boy had he. Raph thought it was helping to provide the list of lies Leo had fed them all this past week, ‘That you had:

Met a shark underwater,

Drowned in a hot tub,

Fried getting a suntan,

Struck by lightning,

Fell down a flight of stairs,

Caught in a mudslide,

Run over by a crappy minivan,

Danced to death at an east-side night club.’

By the time Raph noticed this wasn’t helping whatever case he was trying to build he coughed and went back on track. “What Raph is trying to say, is Leo’s in denial. Bad. What happened between you two?? If you don’t mind Raph asking..”

You sighed, shoulders slumping slightly. “It’s for his own good Raph, a case of the right person, wrong time.” Your eyes were set in stone on that one. Raph nodded in understanding. “A-and I didn’t want there to be any misunderstandings so I was pretty honest.. maybe brutally..”

You rubbed the back of your neck. You hadn’t wanted to give him any hope. As mean as that sounded. If he wanted a chance in the future with you, then he needed to seriously focus on himself for now. At least that’s what you had thought. Leo obviously didn’t agree. You smiled at his pranks now. Rolling your eyes at the drama of it all.

“I don’t want there to be any hard feelings Raph, especially between all of you.. Mikey, Donnie, April.. you guys are my friends!”

Raph gave you a soft smile. Nodding. “And you’re ours. He just needs more time. The lies were pretty unbelievable to begin with but ya know, we had to check just in case!” He gave you a teasing wink before standing and going over to the window. He unlocked it and you watched from your seat.

“Tell him, he’s being ridiculous!” You called as Raph gingerly maneuvered out of your window.

“Oh he knows that already.” Raph assured.

You got up, racing to the window to watch Raph take off to the building next door. “Tell him… he’ll be okay.” It was spoken low, but you knew Raph heard it as he jumped from your building to the next.

You closed the window. Locking it.

Wondering how many more ways you would die.

—————————————————————————

。・゜・。{ Leo’s POV }。・゜・。

He heard fractions of words.

His heart was paralyzed.

“…Meant to be…It’s me not you….For your own good…”

Words from your lips.

Hurting him. Stinging his heart and pride.

Whatever. He didn’t care. It’s cool.

How could you leave him??? The two of you were perfect! It was meant to be! You wanted space??? Fine! He’d go on like this never had happened in the first place.

So when his brothers asked where you were? Since ya know the two of you had been attached at the hip for so long! He lied. Lied recklessly. Lied habitually. Lied in detail with intensive background. He didn’t care as long as it meant he didn’t have to say the words “broken up.”

He’d never ever admit to that.

“Huh? Y/n? Oh she took a trip to the Sahara, Desert and dried up! Yeah just poof sand!”

Okay maybe they weren’t the best lies ever created. But it got the job done. It spelled out, “don’t ask.” And yet all his brothers kept doing was just that. Like they were expecting him to finally say something different.

Like he was going to say how disappointed he was. Not even in you. But in himself. For not changing, not seeing the signs, not doing enough before it was too late and now the consequences were at his shell.

Leo sighed, flipping a page of a Jupiter Jim comic without even really reading it. He wasn’t good at goodbyes. You knew that. Surely you knew this was how it would be. What was worse, Leo still wanted you. Wished for you to be back already. Missed you. He still had some of your things too! But until you saw the error you drastically made, or he somehow lost his big old ego! Things were at a standstill and he surely wouldn’t quit lying…

Until he ran out of them. That and ways to say ‘die.’

—————————————————————————

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

I feel like bayverse leo would be like a lost puppy by following his crush around and trying to learn her family and cousin ways.

Y/n teaching him stuff but they went camping and they are on the beach, and y/n is collecting shells.

( sorry I stole the beach and camping idea off of the new story you made 😭 IM SORRY )

And I don’t mind if you change the story up or fix it because I suck balls at explaining stuff. 💀 💗

Family Camping and Sea Shells (Fluff)

Bayverse!Leonardo x reader

A/N: That’s a-okay💚 That’s how inspiration work💙 This is probably not exactly what you asked for, but I tried to get it close. Hope you enjoy💙

----------

(C/N) = Cousin’s name, (Y/M/N) = Your mother’s name.

Warnings: Spelling and an annoying cousin.

----------

It was at moments like these, that Leonardo thought about what exactly he had wanted to happen, when he asked to come with you and your family on a camping trip. Well, he obviously wished to be close to you, his best friend, and to learn about you and your extended family. They had always been so nice to him and his brothers, ever since that day all those years ago, where you brought them to your home in order to meet your parents. And as the years went one, and you and Leo’s friendship grew, your family and home almost became a home to him. But now, as he helped your dad and uncle bring the beach chairs and coolers out to the beach, listening to every single thing they had to say, he couldn’t help but think about what the real reason was. Well, that was quite easy to answer; you.

Leo wasn’t fully sure when it first had started, but at some time during your long friendship, he had developed a crush on you. And now as he listened intently to every detail your dad and uncle had to tell him about fishing, he could not help but think about you once more. The things he would do just to feel close to you and your family took him by surprise sometimes… Speaking of you, where were you? You, your mom and aunt had told him and the other’s to go ahead before you, and now Leo couldn’t help but get anxious. Sitting alone with the father and uncle of his crush felt strange, even though he had known your dad for years. Leo’s leg started to jump restlessly, his blue swimming trunks rustling slightly, and his eyes darting between the two men in front of him and the first.

When you and the rest of your family finally emerged from the trees, he could finally let out a sigh of relief.

“Sorry the wait”, you smiled, throwing your towel onto the beach chair Leo was sitting in, adjusting your bathing suit just slightly. “We couldn’t find (C/N)’s bathing wings”.

“Hey! It’s not my fault mom packed them in such a fucked up place!”, they yelled.

“Launguage!”, your aunt exclaimed, making your cousin cross their arms in annoyance. Boy, that was a scene Leo could relate to.

—

Leo followed you closely around on the beach, not really sure what else to do. With you around he would much rather be close to you, feeling safe and calm when he stayed close to you. When you went into the water with your cousins, he followed, staying close as he threw them into the water, finding enjoyment in their giggles and laughs. And when you left the water in order to spend some time in the beach chairs, Leo did exactly the same, taking the time to bask in the sun, just like any other turtle would do.

After some time, the rest of your family started moving back to the campsite, just behind the trees and bushes, in order to get started on the first cooking. Your family, knowing what a terrible cook Leo was, had allowed you and the blue clad turtle to stay back on the beach, enjoying the wind and the somewhat quiet nature around you. You could only very faintly hear your cousins fight among each other, as you and Leo moved to the shadow just by the trees. Here you started talking about the small things and the big things, just like you always did when you were alone together, before the two of you would stay silent, enjoying the nature around you. The birds in the leaves above your head, as the waves crashing against the beach.

As you sat there in peace, your eyes started wandering over the sand, until you noticed something down by your foot. A shinny curved shell, glistering at you in the small amount of sun that poked through the leaves. You leaned forward to pick it up, with Leo watching you curiously.

“What have you found?”, he asked, confusion washing over his face as you held the shell up to your ear. “What are you doing?”

“Here, listen”, you said with a bright smile, bringing the shell up to his ear. “You can hear the sea”.

“(Y/N), we’re right next to the sea”, Leo chuckled, nodding towards the big open waters in the horizon.

“Yeah, I know smarty pants”, you chuckled, scooting closer to him, wrapping one arm around his, as you held the shell up to his ear. “But listen anyway”.

Leo shook his head at you, finding the way you held onto him adorable. But he gave in, leaning his head against the shell, and thereby closer to you. You were biting your lip, waiting in anticipation for his reaction. And to Leo’s surprise, you were right. Through the shell, he could hear what sounded like the wind of the sea.

“Okay, I honestly didn’t expect that”, Leo said with a small smile, taking the shell from your hand, turning it between his three fingers. He tried his best to ignore how you were still wrapped around his arm, staying as close to him as you did before, making his heart beat faster and faster in his chest.

“You should listen to me more often”, you teased. “Sometimes I can really teach you some cool things”.

“Yeah, apparently so”, Leo said, still toying around with the shell in his hand, yet never taking his eyes off you. And that was how the two of you sat for a moment, just looking at each other, in comfortable silence, taking in each other’s features. Leo bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if he should go for it. Was this the moment he had always dreamed of, when he could just lean in and kiss you? And he would be so lucky that you would kiss back? Leo was just about to build up courage, just about to lean in, when the air suddenly was pierced with the high pitch voice of your cousin. Of course they just had to come out and check on the two of you.

“Auntie (Y/M/N)! (Y/N) and Leo are kissing!”, your cousin yelled towards the campside. Leo’s face got so hot and his body stiffened up in panic, while you almost choked on the air in your lungs, being caught in the middle of a daydream about how Leo’s lips would feel against yours. But then your mother answered your cousin, purposefully yelling so loud she knew both you and Leo could hear it.

“I’ll say it’s about time! Now, leave them alone, (C/N). People don’t like it when others watch them kiss!”

You and Leo looked at each other, eyes wide, none of you knowing what to do or say, other than wondering how the two of you were going to survive this camping trip. And how you were going to throw your cousin back into the sea, before finally making that little daydream a reality.

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Random witchy shit the lads have to put up with

Leo

"Do you have any hair?"

"What? Hair? No I'm a mutated turtle, I don't have hair"

"Ok what about nail clippings?"

"Why the fuck do you want my nail clippings?"

you just sigh and walk away

telling him to put a crystal in his pocket and threatening that if he loses it and dies you're going to do some necromancy shit and beat his ass

he can't sleep so you get out your lavender infused oil and give him a massage

then he's pissed that he overslept and you're just like "Sorry I'm very powerful, next time I'll let your insomnia continue!"

he has a thing about fingerprints on mirrors so one of your most long running arguments is you writing sigils in the fog on the bathroom mirror

Raph

running into his room, clearly het up "What fucking moon phase is it tonight?"

he checks his phone and is like "A waning gibbus"

you practically screech "FUCK!" and run off again

he's kind of into it tho, always asking astrology shit like "What planet is it that's making me so annoyed today?"

you're just like "Earth, baby. It's earth"

he finds your collection of bones and teeth, he was not happy about you keeping them in his room

"But what if I need to call on those spirits to protect you out on patrol? Did you ever think of that?"

His room is messy as fuck and you do a lot of candle magic

have defo almost burnt down his room on at least 4 seperate occasions

Mikey

"Can you do a spell that will get me free pizza?"

"I could just buy you a pizza?"

"No, it's more fun if I know magic was involved"

you had to enchant his nunchucks because he kept hitting himself in the face with them

"Don't ask any questions, I need to know the time you were born"

he tells you, you go on your phone for a minute furiously typing and then say "How dare you be an Aquarius Venus. How could you do that to me?"

he looks around the lair for 2 hours trying to find the laces to one of his shoes

only to find you doing knot magic with it

"I was in a pinch and this was the only knotable thing I could find"

"Baby, I need to put on my shoes..."

Donnie

you turn everything he says into a problem because you find it funny

like he says "Bombastic side eye" when you say something out of pocket

and so, of course, you say "Did you just give me the evil eye? You 100% just evil eye'd me! You cursed me!"

taking his poptarts to give as offerings

that one really annoys him because somehow you always take the last one

and you won't let him eat it after, you just chuck it out when the deity is done wit it.

he meditates sometimes to get to sleep

and keeps waking up covered in and surrounded by your crystals

"I thought they'd relax you! Sorry I have a tight pussy and brilliant ideas I guess..."

"I just pulled the 7 of swords so who the fuck are you cheating on me with?"

he cannot win with you

[vrmxlho]

bruh i posted my fucking hcs while i was in middle of writing them 😕 anyway here it is copied and pasted:

omg aiku is so fucking ajfsdkhjbf every time i see him i go feral,,,, ALSO YES MORE PEOPLE NEED TO READ GOKURAKUGAI THE ART IS BEAUTIFUL +++ i'm pretty sure this is gonna be ooc because i'm really just making shit up so i apologise in advance lmaoo +++ also im sorry its so short i have no idea what to write 😭

cw: swearing + not proofread because who wants to relive this nightmare??? + probably really ooc but this is my blog so i will do as i please honestly 😒 + suggestive but nothing sexual

LEONARDO LUNA レオナルド・ルナ

his love language is either physical touch or giving gifts

he absolutely adores holding you and he always physically on you, either an arm over your shoulder or a hand on your knee, sometimes he even makes you put your legs on his simply because he likes it that way

but at the same time he is 100% the most infuriating person alive and he prides himself in being annoying

at least he's funny ig

he's constantly teasing you, flirting with you excessively

if he hadn't already told everyone in his life that you were his s/o people would've still been able to guess as much

he's like an annoying puppy who always follows you around asking you to play

he's also incredibly petty, like if you ignore him by mistake or leave him on read because the conversation had ended he's purposefully going to do the same to you

even if the subject of the conversation is actually quite important

nothing can get in the way of his pettiness

"leo, can you please fucking answer me???" he only looked at you briefly before continuing with his stupid hair. it had only been like this for about five minutes but you honestly felt like it had been a century. he was being so fucking annoying. "leonardo luna i swear to god, if you don't fucking answer me this instant i'm going to bash your head in." "i'd still be really attractive though, so i don't really-" "will you please stay on topic for once in your life?" "annoying isn't it?" "THE CONVERSATION HAD ENDED YOU SAID 'OK' AND THAT WAS THE END WHAT ELSE WAS THERE TO ADD????" "you can always add an 'i love you'." "boy. be fucking for real."

forgot to mention that he's also rlly vain

by that i mean he pretends to be vain

he pretend to care about his looks more than he actually does because he thinks its funny

it is sometimes

i am a firm believer that he was one of those kids that was fascinated by the ocean and just any type of water body

he wanted to pursue geography and maybe be a marine biologist before he became a football pro

that's why is his ideal date is renting a boat and going to sea caves to scuba dive in

he insisted on the two of you taking scuba diving lessons together because he wanted to swim with sharks and sea turtles

i feel like he was a summer baby, specifically a leo

because my irl best friend is a leo leonardo

he's also the type to collect shells and make shell necklaces for you

once tried convincing you to change your name to sally and start a seashell business because he thought it would be really funny???

concerning

he's naturally funny but at times he says the dumbest things unironically

his favourite way to destress is to have long bubble baths with you while you both chatter about your day

not necessarily in a sexual way

he just enjoys being physically close to you while also being surrounded by water

leonardo luna was exhausted. you could tell as soon as he entered the house. his usually bright and blindingly positive aura had dulled. his eyes looked distant and he walked with a sway. fatigue made his limbs heavy and he hummed softly before he collapsed on the sofa. "are you okay? leo?" he had already begun snoring slightly when you finally reached him. you chuckled a bit. you wouldn't mind leaving him like this. he looked so cute. his silky hair falling gently on his nose and his cheeks a bit red from the slight chill in the air. but he smelled. reeked of sweat. he must've been too tired to even shower after practice. you weren't about to let him sleep in his sweat, it was simply gross. so first, you tried pulling him off. but not only was he a massive man who weighed a lot more than the usual groceries you carried. he was also resisting making it even harder for you make him budge. so you kissed his forehead, hoping it would wake him up. nothing. this time you pinched him. which worked, because now he was stirring. he opened his eyes which burned with anger and frowned at you. "come have a shower with me." suddenly his eyes were wide and bright again. he basically jumped off the sofa and carried you to the bathroom. he was tired but he didn't mind the extra exhaustion that would come from carrying another human being, since it was you. as soon as you got to the bathroom he basically ripped your clothes off and you were in the shower giving him a massage. then washing his hair and running your hand over his back soothingly. he didn't look tired anymore, it seemed like your presence had woken him up. or perhaps he just didn't want to miss out on your touch. "how was practise?" "couldn't stop thinking about you."

his kisses are always hot and passionate

loves holding your face when he kisses you

as if its the last time he will

he loves how his hands are big enough to hold your entire cheek

your first kiss wasn't awkward at all except for the fact that it was in front of the paparazzi because he loves PDA

unless you genuinely hate it he's always holding your hand in front of the cameras, kissing you, full on making out and everything

is a failure in the kitchen but is surprisingly good at following instructions

you'll never have to cut an onion when he's around!!

real men cry 👍

OLIVER AIKU 愛空

you've made it

you are now dating the hottest man on earth, the biggest playboy in the world has settled down

cuz you're just as hot

but that's exactly what makes him so possessive and jealous

it's not that he doesn't trust you he's just a little insecure, why else do you think he always broke up with his previous flings?

he's scared that if you got to see him for who he really was (as if you haven't already ☠️)

however, whenever he sees you talking to someone he doesn't particularly like he'll come up beside you and pull you close to him by the waist

and if you look uncomfortable he'll literally take you to another setting so you feel better

his love language is words of affirmation!!

he loves hearing how much you love him and how much you wanna spend time with him and how you'd kill for him

but at the same time he absolutely loves teasing you and making you get all flustered

oliver had been feeling down. he didn't really know why. it was 3am and he had this deep pit of despair in his stomach. you looked so peaceful on the bed, sleeping softly and scrunching the blanket up a bit. "how can someone so perfect want to be with me?" "if you're going to be so depressing i might actually break up with you..." you had turned around to stare at him with your tired barely open eyes. you weren't a light sleeper per se but your deep connection to aiku meant that you could feel something was off even if you couldn't see if with your own eyes. "sorry, did i wake you?" he moved back into bed. pulling the sheets over you a bit. "you know i love you right? and i wouldn't even dream about leaving your or whatever you were worrying about." "but-" "no, shut the fuck up. it's late," you pulled his arms around your body and placed yourself right onto his chest, " and i'm cold, so do your job. warm up the bed."

bought you an emerald promise ring after the first date because he instantly fell in love with you and he's suddenly discovered that he was actually a big romantic

(emerald to represent his left eye, left being the side the body your heart is in)

as a playboy, the first date was all a ploy to impress you but also give the impression that he wasn't available so breaking things off or ghosting you wouldn't be a hassle

he took you to a fancy restaurant

for once he wasn't two timing you

anyway after all this he took you to the beach to go on a walk where he asked you if you wanted to go skinny dipping

it was his first challenge, if yes, it would be fun, if no, then he had a reason to break things off with you

but the look of indifference you gave him made him crave more

he could already feel his cheeks heating up and from that day onwards he couldn't stop thinking about you like at all

after you got into an actual relationship you both avoid going back to that restaurant because of just how dull that night was

now your dates consist of going to the arcade, doing some karaoke and then maybe watching a movie while living off of buttery popcorn

he honestly has such a beautiful singing voice

would definitely be an idol if he weren't a footballer

he's a huge ABBA fan i can feel it in my soul

his ideal date is having a picnic by the beach and then playing beach volley until you both decide it's too hot and go for a swim

honestly any summer activity would be his ideal date

oliver aiku was probably breaking countless laws right now. it was the end of summer, the nights were short but warm with the skies clear, starry and gorgeous. aiku wanted to celebrate by firing his homemade fireworks he had spent about 2 months making. and you were certain that this was illegal. but he didn't care. "oli- i don't think this is safe..." "don't worry about it, i'm here to protect you." you could almost hear the smirk he was wearing. "you're no lawyer, i won't be breaking the law with you." "oh you're no fun." he looked at you with fake disappointment. frankly, if you weren't in a good mood you would've just left him to his frolicsomeness but you were also sort of intrigued. you really wanted to see what two months of firework building could get you. "make sure we don't get caught." "i'm no amateur love."

likes pulling your hair when kissing

and he's not one to give one quick kiss and run, they need to be deep every single time

pecks on the lips are meaningless in his eyes

he's also one to engage in PDA

he absolutely loves kissing in front of people he dislikes

to sort of one-up them

kisses you all the fucking time for absolutely no reason

you'd think the novelty would have worn off after being kissed so much but it really doesn't

somehow he keeps getting better at kissing

is he practicing behind your back????? (no, i'm jking)

[riddleymethis]

Another night another inside job brainrot

Inside job characters and pets they'd get with reader!

(Hcs for Brett, Reagan, Andre, and Gigi)

Brett:

- This feels pretty predictable but you guys would get a dog.

- Honestly at this point it just feels like there's two dogs in the house bc they have the same exact energy levels

- you have no complaints though! You love your bf and you love your dog so you're more than willing to deal with the energy levels

- you guys can take the dog on walks together which has led to a lot of nice moments of just. Peacefulness together.

- Alternatively: I think he'd love any bird in the parrot family? Maybe a cockatiel bc of the hair LOL

- Brett's urge to laugh at you teaching the bird cuss words vs telling you to not teach the bird to greet everyone with "What the fuck?!"

- you want to name your pet smth actually normal bur he talks you into naming it after some stupid animal pun based off a movie character

- idk honestly I think he'd really like to take care of any kind of pet that likes lots of engagement with you♡ leafs to lots of stuff together!

Reagan:

- Also pretty self explanatory, but a cat

- it takes awhile to convince her. She already shoulders a lot of work, plus the last pets she had were the turtles from her childhood which didn't. Go Well.

- but eventually you're able to convince her by the power of Being Annoying On Purpose

- she's basically the "I don't want a cat" vs walking into the room to see her baby talking the cat kinda energy

- it's not that she doesn't like cats at all, just the energy required to own one is what put her off initially, but now that the furball is in the home she is so in love with the small creature

- she just honestly likes the semi-independence of it. She likes that she can get any leftover work done at home whole the cat will entertain itself.

- plus have u ever had a cat sleep on your chest after a stressful day? God's work 🙏

- meanwhile you are the opposite. You will hug that cat all day. ITS NOT YOUR FUALT ITS SO FLUFFY AND CUTE

- cue lots of distant "MeooOW??" in another room that Reagan hears everytime you pick it up

- "Stop picking the fucking cat up like a baby!" "Tell it to stop being baby shaped then, idiot."

- You guys spend hours thinking of a good name and then just decide on something really stupid like "fishstick"

Andre:

- Honestly? Seems like a reptile kinda guy?? You'd guys probably get anything from something as small as a leopard gecko to a fucking python snake

- ok but. Snake.

- u both decide to name it smth dumb as hell like "Noodle"

- Andre is actually? Surprisingly very well educated in snake care.

- Like, he actually has made sure that everything from cage size to temperature to food is right. He's really been interested in them for a long time.

- meanwhile u just like the fact that the front of a snake face looks like ":]"

- people can just walk by you two working on something in your lab and there's just. A huge fucking snake slithering over your guys' arms and back.

Gigi:

- FERRET.

- I can't explain this one. It's a fucking ferret. Is fluffy. Is noodle. Are you jokester?

- you let Gigi take full liberty of naming it because you trust her to come up with something fitting

- you will both drop whatever your doing to just watch your ferret in silence as the run up and down one of those little play tube tunnels.

- the ferret definitely picks favorites and it's Gigi. Everytime you walk into a room, it's wrapped over Gigi's shoulders

- getting it the most obnoxious colored harness and walking it.

- people give you guys strange looks, but you don't mind. You're just happy to have your gf and your demon child of a ferret♡

[vanwritesfan-fiction]

Jack Harlow One Sentence Requests

6.14.2023

"I wouldn't do that if I was you"

"damn, smells amazing in here"

"stop with the bullshit, Y/N"

"what makes you think I trust you?"

"Did you know you talk in your sleep?"

"It wouldn't be the first time I've made you cry"

"How can you watch this stuff?"

"Why are you so loud?"

"You know, you're too much sometimes."

"Bless you! You don't have to be such a dad!"

"It wasn't me"

"stop teasing and fuck me already"

"uhm hello? Aren't you forgetting something?"

"You're like Velma without her glasses"

6.15.2023

"You don't have to to do everything for everybody, you know that!"

"it feels like all we do anymore is argue"

"Shut up, I can't sleep"

"I'm gonna keep trying to pursue you even if you hate me y/n. I'm not giving up on you"

"I think my water just broke"

"l've liked you from the start why can't you see that? I wanna be yours y/n"

"Baby diarrhea is nothing to be embarrassed about!"

6.16.2023

"Why do you keep those people around when all they do is hurt me Jack?"

"oh so just cause we're in front of the guys you're not gonna respond to *insert pet name*"

"today was nice... but I don't think we should do it again"

"sleeping with them wasn't part of the plan"

6.20.2023

"I love when you blush"

"I didn't give you permission"

"Nightmares are the worst, I'm sorry baby"

"please stay baby"

6.21.2023

"How lucky am I to get to love you forever?"

"I canceled a gig to come to your aid and this is the thanks I get?"

"Did you really just say that?"

"i don't want our daughters around those people"

"You don't love me anymore do you? After everything I've supported you in?"

"I'm obsessed with you"

6.25.2023

"why won't you just let me love you?"

7.3.2023

"I don't think you realize my true feelings for you. I really want to be with you and only you"

"I have to see you again"

"you like when I kiss your ear and whisper into it, huh?"

7.4.2023

"fuck its too big"

"you're being annoying"

7.8.2023

"Guess we're gonna be seeing more of each other."

"buy why, why would you do that?"

7.20.2023

"you're my girl"

7.24.2023

"I don't know how to slow dance"

"Daddy, can I have a kiss please?"

“You belong to me. You’re mine and I’m yours, got it?”

“But the real question is… would you still love me if I was a caterpillar??”

7.25.2023

"can I kiss you?"

"You just have to listen to what I'm saying, why aren't you listening? angst to fluff maybe?"

7.26.2023

“I don’t know how to ride a bike, what makes you think I know how to ride a scooter?”

“Baby, can you pick me up?”

"We were pretty loud"

8.13.2023

“I love your body. Everything you hate about it is what drives me crazy.”

9.15.2023

"Baby your allergies are awful."

"You don't have to. I know, but I want to."

"Why does that always make me laugh?"

9.22.2023

"stop pouting and let me give you a kiss"

"I just wanted it to be perfect"

"Daddy, can we keep the turtle?"

9.24.2023

"I like your pretty little p***y"

9.25.2023

"babe, stop, we're gonna be late"

12.12.2023

“I love snuggling with you”

12.13.2023

"You’re very pretty like your dad!"

12.14.2023

“God, I love everything about you”

12.15.2023

“You’re so cute!”

12.18.2023

“You’re kind of sexy when you’re mad.”

12.19.2023

“jack stop plucking me for i pop you!!”

“I’m in love with you and I’m not afraid to show it.”

12.22.2023

“I’m exhausted, and you’re not helping.”

You can’t fall in love with me. It won’t benefit either of us.”

"It's cold out here!"

12.30.2023

"You're the only person I'd want to live with"

1.9.2024

“You always over complicate things!”

"I think you're cute when you get jealous."

"I'm so lucky to love you."

1.10.2024

"I just think your eyes are really pretty"

1.11.2024

"Its not bad, it just needs tweaking"

1.14.2024

“You always get so grumpy when you’re hungry!“

“I think I’m ready to try for another kid now”

2.13.2024

“don’t tell me you’re having nightmares again”

[lykos-attic]

Randomly thinking about how angry the way Winter is treated in the narrative makes me

They show the real Winter and acknowledge who he actually is JUST to once again present him as the mean stuck-up prince??? HE GOES THROUGH SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT IN WINTER TURNING JUST TO BE SHOWN AS THE SAME OLD 'ANGRY RACIST STUCK UP PRINCE'???? IN THE NEXT BOOKS LIKE WHAT. TUI. PLEASE. I KNOW THAT WE AREN'T SEEING IT FROM HIS PERSPECTIVE, SO WE DON'T KNOW WHAT HES THINKING BUT. HE BARELY CHANGES AT ALL... LIKE AT THE END OF WINTER TURNING HE REALIZES THAT THE WINGLET IS HIS TRIBE AND HE CARES ABOUT THEM MORE THAN A RANKING AND A FAMILY WHO (mostly) DOESN'T LOVE HIM. THEN IN THE NEXT BOOKS HE'S BACK TO THE SAME OLD 'WINTER'. TUI.

I've seen people calling Winter 'nasty mean racist man' HAVE YOU READ THE BOOKS. DRAGON RACISM WAS SO RAMPANT IN THE BOOKS.... LIKE ALMOST EVERY CHARACTER HAD A MOMENT WHERE THEY WERE BEING THE DRAGON EQUIVALENT OF RACIST. WHICH OBVIOUSLY, ISN'T GOOD, BUT TO JUST PIN IT ON WINTER??? WHAT??? HIS HATRED OF NIGHTWINGS WAS FUCKING DRILLED INTO HIS BRAIN GROWING UP, HE GETS PAST THAT AND LEARNS TO NOT BE DRAGON RACIST. HE REALIZES 'OH FUCK. MAYBE THE THINGS MY SHALLOW HIERARCHICAL SOCIETY TAUGHT ME AREN'T TRUE'. DID WE READ THE SAME BOOKS, WHERE APPARENTLY, NONE OF THAT HAPPENED?? MEANWHILE DARKSTALKER, THE FANDOMS 'PRECIOUS MISUNDERSTOOD BABY' TRIED TO COMMIT RACIAL GENOCIDE BECAUSE HE HAD AN ABUSIVE DAD WHO HAPPENED TO BE AN ICEWING??? (And when Winter is upset about this he is treated as unreasonable by the guy who KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON (Qibli) )

I've been a Winter defender for so long, surrounded by a fandom who mostly hates him and now that I have emotional intelligence since I'm not nine (no offense to nine year olds 🙏) and I have a place to ramble where I'll be listened to I can finally defend my angsty ice dragon I will absolutely do so. This stupid ass garbagefire of a series has meant so much to me over the years and I'm passionate about so many of these characters. I adore Winter so much, reading through the books for like the 50th time is so amazing, like I used to immediately hate moon because she was called a Mary sue, Qibli because people find him annoying, Kinkajou because she was the 'annoying one', but now I love all of those characters. I can see traits of all of them in me, and they mean a lot to me. Turtle's anxiety, Qibli's Sociotropy, (needing to be liked by everyone) hypervigilance (I've never seen people talking about it, and to see it represented in my favorite book series makes me feel seen.), fierce loyalty, Winter's guilt, self-loathing, desperate desire to please his parents, Moon's social anxiety, nervousness, and love of reading, Kinkajou's desire to be a dragon others notice and remember.

This turned into a rant about a completely different thing I'm so sorry, I'm not even done I have so much to say about these guys

Please don't let this flop I poured my heart out about this book series for children

[melancholysway]

hi!! i ummm wanna make a request for tk7 leo falling for a silly reader?? you know that kind of person who's doing silly things to the point of exasperation? but only leo thinks that way, everybody else is "meh" (originally i was thinking about donnie, but i think leo fits more in this... idk) anyway! have a good day!!!

hi! I hope this is what you were looking for or some degree of it! I tried a lot with this one lol

i also hc 2007 lovessssss dark humor idk why but its very fitting

TMNT Imagines: 2007!Leonardo x Reader: Comedic Genius

If its someone in this entire tmnt movie who needs to laugh- ITS LEONARDO

Because that man is so serious it irks me 

Yes he has his lil laugh here and there but no

NO

So  a funny s/o is something he needs

It’s an absolute must

You click with Mikey a lot, constantly joking around with each other and fucking around with Raph to the point where you had to hide from him for a few 

In the beginning, everyone seriously thought MIKEY would be in a relationship first, with the way you bounced off each other so well

But let’s be honest, there can only be one extremely funny person in the relationship before you both tire yourselves out

Plus, you never actually see Mikey like that. He’s a fun annoying little brother to you

Now, you had your eyes on Leo

Who, in the beginning, did not have his eyes on you. 

When he first meets you, he’s kind, because that’s the kind of turtle he is

It’s actually Leonardo that saves you in the beginning- as he decides to divide and conquer patrol that particular night, and he (just in the knick of time,) saves you from being cornered by a few gang members demanding money

He doesn’t reveal himself, but you’re joking about the situation and he can’t help but ask how you can be so unserious in such a serious situation

“I must really be the main character, huh?”

You’re right. You ARE the main character. 

You make Leo chuckle for the first time, and when the rest of his brothers find him, Mikey can’t help but befriend you.

It’s not everyday they become friends with such an accepting human, and if you were being honest, you’ve seen uglier things in New York City. 

Big turtles were nothing

You develop a crush on Leo after a couple of months of being friends with the turtles. It may be that you became attracted to his endearing savior complex, or that he was seriously cheesy, or that his dad jokes were absolute shit that only made Splinter laugh a few times here and there, but whatever it was you fell for it.

You keep this crush on the DL, not even telling your good friend Mikey- Lord knows that boy has a big ass mouth

Anyway, Leonardo.

He’s not so good at being funny? It’s not really his thing

He’s honestly not sure, he thinks that he’s changed ever since coming back from his training. 

Because a lot of the jokes you say don’t really phase him. If anything, he finds it slightly…irritating?

He’s endured Donnie’s strategically timed sarcasm, Raph’s dark humor, and Mikey’s shenanigans for years, but after all this time, he doesn’t really know where he lies on the funny scale.

Maybe it’s because he’s not that funny himself, but like Mikey and sometimes Donnie, your joke timing can be really…bad. 

Like a “read the room” type of bad. 

Mikey for one, loves your sense of humor. Donnie is unfazed most of the time, but throws in a laugh here and there. Raph is into some dark humor, so honestly, light humor or jokes don’t really hit his funny bone.

A lot of your shenanigans happen with Mikey, actually. It starts with pranking Raph, which does in fact make Leo laugh a bit. When you put his red masks in the dryer with white sheets, causing his masks to become pink. Or when you replace his protein powder with flour. Yeah, you make his life slightly miserable in those moments.

Leo endures your jokes, antics, anything that you do for a while. Until he…starts to become slightly dependent on it?

Like, he can’t go a day or two without you coming down to the lair with a new gimmick or one-liner to tell (although Raphael takes the cake for having the best one-liners,)

He thinks you have a crush on Mikey, until he makes a striking realization thanks to Donnie

“You do realize Y/n’s joking around so much to try and make you laugh or impress you, right?”

“No?”

“No? Next time they make a joke, see who the first person they look at right after.”

So, he does. And he realizes it’s him. You look at Leo for some sort of satisfaction or approval if you make him chuckle or even crack a smile. It’s not often, but when it happens, it’s seriously rewarding.

So, he tries to lighten up. Stop becoming irritated from the fact that you want to impress him with your humor

Wait, you want to impress him.

You like him

He comes to that realization when meditating one day. He’s thinking about what Donnie said and your mannerisms and how you blush when he talks to you and-

Bingo! 

He just had to make sure. He’s never had anyone have romantic feelings for him before. He confides in Mikey. Big mistake.

“I don’t know but I can find out dude!” Mikey says despite Leo’s protests. He wants it to be on the DL.

It’s most definitely not on the DL. Mikey straight up asks you one day. 

“So like, are you in love with Leo?” 

He reports back to Leo that yes, you like him. The way you stumbled on your words from the sudden question, to the way you didn’t shoot down the idea and say ‘no.’ You like him

He admires you, appreciates you more. You actually like Leo- a mutant turtle. 

So he falls for you. He finds your jokes funny, the countless Raph pranks, your unique laugh- everything. 

“Mikey, why’d you ask me that? The Leo thing.” Although a few weeks back, Mikey remembers clear as day. 

“Oh! Because Leo asked me to.” Lie…kind of. He didn’t actually ask Mikey…but he did insinuate that he wanted to find out. 

Mikey also cannot keep his mouth shut. 

You just look at your friend dumbfounded, wondering why Leo wanted to know. Until he walks by and glances at you, smiling. 

“I think he likes you.” Mikey whispers (attempts to whisper)

So, you muster up the courage one day, and corner him. Like a little mouse in the dojo (no offense Splinter)

“Hey! Um…do you like, like me or something? I’m just asking…for scientific purposes.”

Leo is taken aback. He didn’t actually think you would straight up ask him if he had feelings for you. But, he likes it. He likes that you had enough courage to ask. It’s admirable. 

“Well…yes.”

“I mean more than-” “More than friends, Y/n.”

“What is it? Is it my elite humor perhaps? Huh? Huhhhh?? Don’t be shy, tell me!”

“A little bit of everything, actually.” 

He likes you for you. How silly you can be. How you became good friends with his little brother, making Mikey’s life a lot more comical. How you always come down to the Lair and spend time with them, trying to make them laugh. The Raph pranks. Oh my goodness, Leo loves the Raph pranks (don’t tell Raph this btw) How cute you are. It’s everything. 

“Is this the part where we kiss like in a low-budget Hallmark movie?” You muse, and it makes Leo chuckle. “I think it is, Y/n.” Leo’s never kissed anyone before, so this is his first. But it can’t be that hard. It’s in human nature to know how to kiss, it’s natural. So, he leans in while you do the same, finally connecting your lips in a soft kiss. 

You love it. Leo loves it. Mikey’s cheering in the back after stalking for a few, ready to tell the others and start joking and making kissy noises while he does. 

//

Taglist:

@bee-1n-space

Masterlist

[percyaugod]

I fucking love your purple prime au!!!11!!!!!1111 anyway question time!!

is brother krang still alive because in some posts you say three new "kids" because if he is that adds a bit too the plot cause well they 100% thought he was dead

weve seen the turtles and caseys opinions what about cass's splinters draxums etc

does senior hueso ever appear? tbh most of my questions involve side characters because they would be so cool too see!!

and we know they can technically still talk too the ancestors if needed do they contact them?

Thank you! ^ ^

Brother Krang being alive is something I've been thinking about as a possibility but never fully decided or what would change. Sure we see him trapped in the ship, but we don't know if it was hard enough to crush him or if he died from the explosion as the portal closed. So he could be running around, watching and waiting as he heals.

This could lead Donnie to think him hearing the Krangs' voice is just him imagining things when he starts hearing another voice in his head. Since the brother Krang doesn't speak out loud the turtles don't know what he sounds like. Bonus points if he actually talks a lot in the hive mind, almost rivaling Leo.

He could just accept Donnie as the new leader, freaking out the others when Donnie brings home another one, or decide to go rogue. This is the turtle that took control of his ship after all. Leading to a situation where Krang one and the sister Krang have to fight their brother to protect Donnie.

If he did join the group the amount of times he scared the others by silently appearing behind them. Damnit Donnie! Put a damn bell on the thing!

Casey Sr would be the only thing Other than Donnie the Krang fear. She bit one of them, will at times just stand still for hours staring at them, those monsters she calls scouts, and Purple Prime has absolutely no control over her! Casey Sr thinks she can bear them in a fight and they're too scared to test her theory.

Splinter spends a lot of time in denial. These were the things that nearly took away two of his sons, there's no way his Purple would just-

He starts to wonder if it was all his fault. He just randomly appointed Blue as the leader and didn't talk about it with the others or ask if Blue even wanted to be the leader.

He had so much potential though! Always coming up with plans and knowing his and the others' strengths and how to properly use them. Not to mention the stress was obviously tearing his oldest apart.

If he had done some things differently, would none of this have happened?

By the time he sorts himself out, the kids have started a trial run with Purple and the Krang since they apparently can't get rid of them without negatively affecting Purple. Again they had to rely on themselves because he couldn't pull himself out of his own head. He regrets making them grow up so fast but is so proud of who they've become.

Draxum is working with Casey Jr on trying to find a way to separate Donnie from the Krang. He wasn't there to see what the Krang did, but the aftermath says enough. Draxum discovers the empyrean he used to create the turtles is of Krang origin and could be part of why Donnie integrated so well. The fear that this means the other mutants and yokai that also come from empyrean are also at risk.

Hueso would definitely be worried about the kids. He doesn't see them too often after everything and they look so beat up and tired. Not to mention Leo is apparently at home healing from injuries. When he does see him again there isn't any of that usual annoying, energetic personality.

For once, Hueso wishes Leo would complain and rant to him about his problems so he knew what was going on. Knew how he could help.

It's fine! ^ ^ Gets me really thinking.

Probably not the best idea to contact the ancestors. When asked about the Shredder they gave some of the worse advice. No one wants to know what they'd say about the same species as the one that created him.

They'd talk to Karai though. She'd do her best to try to comfort them and guide them. Donatello is still family and he sees them as such, his Ninpo proves that. So she tries to be there for him to know that he's still family to them as well.

She won't say it out loud, but she does worry about him losing himself like her father once did.

[jonphaedrus]

why i hate bowling (and how this resulted in me suplexing a child into a trash bin full of water)

i wasn’t going to tell a story tonight but then i rediscovered a draft of storify tweets from my since-deleted for threatening my friends with crimes so i will instead tell the story about why i absolutely hate bowling, with my entire heart and soul, to a degree that is both irrational and probably unhealthy.

first of all, i love sock puppets. so jot that down. sock puppets are fucking rad. there is something about putting your hand in a sock and pretending to talk with it that is just so...so soothing. like making a little clay dude. 

second of all, i have a junior black belt in karate. as a child i was small, fast, angry, and just full of seething, roiling violence and rage.

third of all, i was not informed i was neurodivergent until i was 16. thanks, court mandated medical care!

so once upon a time in the tender grasp of 6th grade (age 12) before i did stupid things like “skiing accident” and “put my foot through a wall slip on a dog bed give myself a quite significant head injury by levering backwards without a counterbalance headfirst into a wooden floor like one of those drinky birds but in reverse and with exponential force compressed onto it” i was informed we were going to go on a field trip.

look, i’m from austin, texas. there are three field trips in austin, texas. you go to the alamo, you go to nasa, or you go to the bob bullock museum of texas history. sometimes, if you’re really lucky you go to galveston or something, but that’s almost never going to happen. it’s just alamo/nasa/bob bullock/alamo on repeat. you don’t just remember the alamo, you’ve got rocks stuck in your shoes from the alamo and you horrify your friends and get in trouble with the teachers by being a child with a hyperfixation special interest in davy crocket and giving graphic details about jim bowie’s death that, frankly, 5th graders should probably not be exposed to.

in 6th grade, we were told we were getting a very special reward: a NEW FIELD TRIP DESTINATION. and not just ANY field trip destionation—no! we were going to go to one of the best art museums in the city to make SOCK PUPPETS as a part of an art installation. WHO DOESNT WANT TO DO THIS? THIS IS SO FUCKING COOL.

6th grade cisboys obviously do not want to do this. art museums are for girls or weird kids and sock puppets are for babies.

well, fuck that: i wanted to make sock puppets. i got so excited. i picked my favorite pair of turtle socks to turn into puppets and brought them along on our hour-long bus ride, practically vibrating in my seat like oh yeah oh fuck oh yeah oh fuck im gonna get to make TURTLE SOCK PUPPETS it was going to be the highlight of my LIFE

so our bus finally parks and im like “wait. this isnt...the museum” and then my 6th grade english teacher, whom i loathed for so many good reasons but mostly that he was one of Those english teachers who would reply “i don’t know, CAN you?” if you asked him if you could go to the bathroom, etc, popped out on the front of the bus

“surprise!” he announced, practically radiating sunshine rainbows and like whatever it is that makes annoying grammar nerds decide that they need to grow up and become a heinous 6th grade english teacher that bullies neurodivergent kids with trauma, “i was KIDDING! we were never going to go make SOCK PUPPETS at that stupid ART MUSEUM! that’s KID STUFF. we’re going BOWLING with a PIZZA PARTY!!!”

like any neurodivergent child who has just had their entire day’s plan and all their hopes and dreams ripped from them, i immediately tackled him and gnawed his hands and feet off, stuck them on pikes, and paraded them around the bowling alley as a lesson to all those who should cross me.

no i didn’t do that: i cried for a while and then sucked it up and determined that i was going to have a good time anyway. despite the fact that a) i already hated bowling and was demonstrably bad at it b) couldn’t wear bowling shoes because of my orthodics c) couldn’t eat any of the pizza party pizza anyway because my mother is chabadnik and kept strict kosher d) as a chabadnik kid i was wearing a floor-length skirt which really isn’t conducive to bowling and e) I HAD FUCKING WANTED TO MAKE FUCKING SOCK PUPPETS.

anyway. there was this guy. who i had a crush on. and everyone knew i had a crush on him, including him. his name was grey (not some 50 shades of grey thing, really) and he got someone to come get me and was like hey grey wants to talk to youuuuu~~~~~~ and i was like oh (gasp) (blush) (sputter) he does???

so i went over to talk to him like hee hee hi grey hee hee and it turned out he’d just wanted to ask me some inane question and i was understandably let down and went back to my friends like w/e it’s just stupid boys shit™

only

when i arrived back at my friends

everyone was laughing at me.

which was like. not an entirely unexpected turn of events. i broke my nose twice that year. i kicked over an entire jar of soy wax candle onto my ankle and got a 2nd degree burn. i was, in general, a very weird, unmedicated, undiagnosed, orthodox jewish child with too much energy and a penchant for starting fights. getting laughed at was kind of par for the course.

only people kept laughing at me until one of my friends realized as i turned around what they’d done to me, because one of his friends had taped a sign to my back that said “I AM A STUPID BITCH”

texas public school says “we didn’t see this happen, we can’t do anything about it, not our problem!” so of course i hate bowling now. but this is not where this ended, oh no. because i had been tried. i had been bullied by this same kid all year and nobody would do shit about it. i could not stop him. i could not get teachers to intervene.

which is fine.

because, you see, if you give a furious small child with a black belt in karate and an unusually early growth spurt four months to plan, that small child with a black belt in karate and an unusually early growth spurt will bide their time, and wait, patiently, for the stars to align and the ultimate moment of vengeance to arrive.

you see, texas schools do this thing. at the end of may for the end of the school year, they have a track and field day. it’s different for every school—some of them do races, some of them have big tug of war and different sports for different grades. some are organized. some are chaotic nightmares.

my school was a chaotic nightmare of a place. they simply booted all of us outside in a normal 100f/37c day to get our energy out by running about, playing minimally policed “sports” and generally make a nuisance of ourselves outside, rather than indoors.

that year it was particularly hot, probably closer to 110f/40c than not, so they left out these big trash bins of water for people to stick their heads in or get buckets to pour over them to cool off. i had no sports i could play (see: floor length skirt, and also, you know, the eds kinds of makes it difficult to do shit) so rather than get involved in something to burn out my energy...i waited.

i waited through the semi-organized sports of the morning. i waited through our indoors luncheon. i waited until the free for all of the afternoon, when teachers were not paying attention.

i waited until the kid who had decided that it would be sooooo funny to tape a sign about how much of a bitch i was because i had a harmless crush on his friend to my back was playing volleyball. invested. entranced.

i went and got a trash bin of water, probably taller than i was, weighing at least triple what i did (i was a pound per inch until i was 13, so i was 63in tall and 63lbs at that time) and i dragged it down the hill. i dragged it over to the volleyball court. i opened the lid. i placed it, strategically, behind me.

there sat the subject of my ire. playing volleyball. he had not noticed me. every other kid had noticed me. his friends did not take me seriously. i was two twigs stuck together with sticky tac. what was i going to do to him?

well, see, they didn’t know i did karate.

i walked up behind the kid, calmly, cool as you please, grabbed him around the waist—

—and suplexed him backwards upside-down headfirst into the trash bin full of water and dropped him into it. and then i shut the lid on him as he tried to get turned around and spluttering, dusted my hands off, and walked away.

we ended up going to the same high school, and he saw me literally one time in the hallways and ran away so fast i would’ve thought he’d just been recognized by his unfinished homework or the three girls he was cheating on because he was football team quarterback. he did that for two years. literally never came within 20ft of me. fucking terrified of me.

anyway, that’s why i hate bowling. and is also the story of the time i suplexed a kid backwards into a trashcan full of water.