#but we always go over there to watch eurovision so its fun times

[franklespine]

Life will never be the same now that my family knows how genuinely obsessive I get when I'm into a TV show. It's normally not so obvious because I watch things on my ipad but now because of a streaming service that is only on the TV I have to watch my show in the living room on the TV so now they're just being confronted with the fact that I am genuinely insane.

The other day I was talking about something to do with criminal minds (what I'm watching rn) and my mum goes ".... do you believe in star signs?" and I'm like "err no not really" and she's like "huh". So I'm like ".... why do you ask" and she goes "Oh nothing it's just you remind me of my brother who's also a virgo."

So crazy obsessive uncle steve? That's who we're talking about? Crazy uncle steve who owns 17 fish tanks and over 300 fish?? That guy?? That's who I remind you of??

Okay........

[gshina]

When I think about the difference between Finland and Sweden in Eurovision, it has always been clearly different for me.

Sweden knows how to be that factory-like perfect machine that creates songs. I myself have never liked Swedish representatives that much, I disliked Måns Zelmerlöw’s as well both Loreen’s songs with the simply reason - its boring. In the last decade I can name only two Swedish songs that I have liked which are Frans’s If I Were Sorry (2016) and Benjamin Ingrosso’s Dance You Off (2018). I've been of the opinion for a long time that swedish songs are the same, it’s the same perfectly sound pop machine song what you can hear every day on radio. it's like playing the same old record over and over and always the jury eat the same old smelly cheese and it's not fair. The problem with that is that it encourages countries to send in non-offensive pop music in order to appeal to the professional jury, most of which will be very mediocre and boring to watch. If the people didn't get a vote, we wouldn't see entries like Finland or Croatia. Those kinds of performances are what people watch Eurovision for! Nobody (should not) wants to see a non-offensive pop music contest. We want originality! We want fun! Eurovision is about the fun, this is not The Voice or Idols.

When I think about Finland, the success has been variable, but what I'm proud of is how at least Finland doesn't send the same old garbage every year. We have taken risks, risks which certainly not every one of them has been my favorite but I think that daring to take risks is one of the most appreciated quality what you can have. The last night Finland had one of the most unique songs ever and now I am not afraid to say how I feel I have been cheated. And before anyone has time to comment that "Finns are just bitter when Sweden took the victory in front of their noses" this is about much bigger than national cheating.

Käärijä's popularity among the international Eurovision nations has been extraordinary. During the five-day week polls, comment fields and reaction videos were filled with green emojis, Finnish flags and Cha Cha Cha shouts. The reactions of the live audience at the finals were also incredible. During Käärijä's performance, the large audience wildly sang along. The greatest moment, however, was when the impatient audience got tired of Sweden's growing neck in the town hall votes and burst into shouts of protest.

Three minutes later, in the midst of all this ecstasy, the rug was pulled from under our feet. The situation was simply awkward that all felt wrong in every blood cell of me. This can't go like this. The public had made Käärijä a phenomenon. The audience cheered Käärijä in a way that has not been seen before in the history of Eurovision but the professional jury made all of that look like nothing.

There are five music professionals in the jury of each country. So 185 councilors have been given the same power as hundreds of millions of viewers at home. council whose task was originally to prevent favoritism from neighbors? Nevertheless, year after year, it is precisely the "professional jury" who, by chance consider their own border neighbors and language partners the best of all. How is this fair?

The audience was just entertained by Käärijä. So much so that viewers wanted to use their own money to show their support for their favourite. Who is the show even made for if the audience doesn't get to choose their winner?

My not-so-unpopular opinion is that jury votes must be abandoned or at least reduced in weight. The Finnish Uuden Musiikin Kilpailu has already taken a great step in this regard, when in the finals of the competition, the public votes had a weight of 75 percent and the international juries only 25 percent. By renewing the voting system, the power would be given to those for whom the program is made to those who listen to Eurovision songs.

Today, Sunday, Finnish flags fly in Finland, of course, in honor of Mother's Day. But in my heart, the blue cross flags have been hoisted equally for Finland's victory.

Because that's who we are. Real winners.

In bitter disappointment I'm hovering right now and I'll be hovering for a very long time my mind also brushes with thoughts like how I would like to deny yesterday's results, abolish the jury vote praying so hard something shady happened with the jury votes and the result will be declared invalid oh and a bit also ban Sweden too, but especially the juries.

unfortunately I have to bring it up as well how we all know that Eurovision voting is also a bit shady..? It's Abba's anniversary next year? Doesn't seem suspicious at all. To win twice and bring back the trophy on an important year? yeah it does seem fishy. A lesser known artist catapulted into stardom? Loreen been internationally known for years. A country getting a chance to host after never/rarely doing so before? Sweden’s had it 6 times already. An underdog taking the crown by being an audience pleaser? She was the bookies’ favourite from the start. Eurovision being one of the biggest, most exciting things they’ve ever done? She’s done it all before.

None of these things are personally Loreen’s fault, and I actually feel bad for her that this win will be remembered as one that the public clearly wanted to give to someone else and being hated by so many people now and most won't even remember that she won. But it does all feel extra slimy and calculated on Sweden’s part, especially given the 50th anniversary of ABBA’s Waterloo just happening to be next year. It all feels very hollow and it will become pointless to argue.

I think that at this point it has become clear to everyone that I am from Finland myself yes and I really love my home country. My intention is not to bash Loreen this was not her fault nor to take away opportunities from any country. Sweden is my dear neighbor despite all this, but I hope that everyone understands the disappointment and even anger that I feel right now. I want to get justice that belongs to my country and was decided by the public and audience. For my country but also justice for every country that gets discriminated just because the jury think they know ”better” than the audience who is supporting, dancing, cheering, breathing and loving Eurovision air more than anyone else. Power belongs to the audience.

[docholligay]

Eurovision Rehearsal quick takes

I’m not linking the tiktoks because I openly resent the fact that Eurovision wants me to use tiktok, but clearly I don’t care THAT much, or I wouldn’t watch them. I’m not gonna be one of those people pretending seeing Eurovision rehearsals or whatever is a right, and I HAVE to use tiktok by force. lol. I’m more self-aware than that, thanks.

ANYWAY, here’s my off the cuff takes on each of the performers who went today. YOutube clips should be up May 3rd, and also be BETTER, so any in-depth thoughts I share will be then.

These are in running order:

Norway: Can she hit anything BUT the whistle note? It is all over the place here, and considering MGP is out of its fucking mind and lets competitors use autotune--though Alessandra claims she didn’t--I wonder if we’re gonna see shaky vocals on the night. it’ll qualify anyway, the tiktoks girlies are all over this one, and televoters don’t always punish bad vocals. (YOU SHOULD START.)

Malta: Love the sparkle sweater and the use of the LED screens. Also, he can actually sing the song he represented he could sing. Very dynamic, i’m not sure I think it can save them, but it maybe DESERVES to?

Serbia: I cannot wait to see what the fuck the casual viewers make of this. Bringing the NF staging, strange discordant gamer chaos that I am strangely unopposed to? I think?

Latvia: It was nice knowing you. They can sing it, but they brought a staging that is not going to stand out in this semi and it’s just too tough.

Portugal: GIRL NO. When you said you were bringing “A luxurious and glamorous cabaret:” I assumed like, a prop. Maybe some glitter. Just a thought. Even the couch is gone.It’s 5 of you on a bare stage with lights in the back. I have so many concerns now.  She can still KILL the vocals, but the staging is not it, friends. Best dress she’s had so far though.

Ireland: OBSESSED with how much I hate this guy’s jumpsuit. There’s stairs! BOY PORTUGAL WOULDN’T STAIRS BE NICE? There’s pyrotechnics! The staging actually looks good, and he can sing while moving about the stage, I bet the odds board is ALL OVER THE PLACE rn.

Croatia: This is going to be so much fucking fun to see live, and unless they REALLY fuck it up I am going to pay human American dollars to vote for it because this MUST be in the final.

Switzerland: I am so disappointed at how they burned this kid with this song. He can SING. He can sing WELL. He can RUN ACROSS THE STAGE WHILE HITTING A STRONG NOTE, meanwhile käärijä and mae are out of breath singing and walking across stage, my god. I do not think any of that can save this, and I don’t even WANT it to be saved, I fucking hate the song and think it is in EXTREMELY poor taste for Switzerland, but GOD, Remo deserved better.

Moldova: Oh Moldova is QUALIFYING. That was great, he can move and sing with ease, his flutist is incredible, my only negative is a miss the deer antlers and don’t care for the new headgear on the gals. But I am feeling SO much more confident about a Moldova Q, we love it.

Sweden: Finally got to see the solution to the panini press problem! It looks a little rinky dink in a wide shot, but I think with the close in camera it’ll look very similar to Melfest at home. It sounded a bit like she was rushing the vocals! I’m so used to Loreen sounding perfect all the time that it was pretty jarring, and the odds changes reflect that, but when one takes the average of her performances, i’m not actually concerned.

THERE WILL BE MORE TOMORROW AND THUS I WILL BE BACK WITH MORE.

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision (#35)

35. NORWAY Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana” 10th place

Decade rank: 70/79 [Above Sheldon, below Efendi]

You’d expect them to be higher, but nope!

We interrupt this bashfest of Sad Emo Boi Ballads to shred some fuckin’ nihilistic novelty that -true to form- makes me feel absolutely NOTHING! Which honestly, given *the sort of entry* this is, is a giant fucking red flag for its (lack of) quality. 

For some reason I convinced myself that I had always vaguely liked Subwoolfer before Eurovision, but oops here’s the review I wrote *before* their first live in MGP:

Way to go, me from the past!! I guess my pre-show appreciation was merely spillover relief that they won that *DREADFUL* National Final (if you want a sense of how brain-numbingly stupid MGP2022 was: Subwoolfer aren’t even amongst the 10 dumbest things about it! Imagine THAT!)

Regardless, my impression of Subwoolfer was always one of an act that isn’t nearly as witty or original as it thinks it is. It is effectively what a bunch of marketing researchers would come up with if you asked them to design a viral hit by strictly looking at census data. “HA HA HA! Masked singers in space wolf suits singing utter nonsense while doing a meme dance! HA HA HA HA! Are you not entertained?!”

Sadly the answer to that is: “not really”. First off, EVERYONE already knew Subwoolfer were Ben Adams and Gaute Ormåsen before they even won the NF, so fuck your mystery and shove it, Norway.

Secondly, once you get through the initial ‘wtf did I just watch” phase, it becomes stale alarmingly fast. For all its “ZOMG SPACE WOLF” bluster, “Give that wolf a banana” is formulaic and bland, and I blame a fucking lack of chutzpah.. 

Sadly, Subwoolfer also chose to take themselves seriously as a Joke Act and didn’t content themselves with merely being likeable gimmick filler. (a role they would have been fine in! “Dads in wonky outfits doing stupid meaningless shit for funsies” is Circus Mircus’s entire appeal!). The Concept Demanded however that Subwoolfer go viral AT ALLLLL COSTS!!!! So they tried, with a level of desperation usually reserved for Jessika Muscat’s MESC entries, and failed. Multiple times.  

A wise individual would simply accept that “well, perhaps the overal project just isn’t that good” and leave it at that, hoping for the best, but nope, not these eejits. 

Soon enough my enjoyment of “Give that wolf a banana” would be directly tied to my willingness to put up with the increasedly inane and obsequious bullshit they were spewing JUST to maintain a modicum of relevance. They lost me somewhere between “FUN FACT: “Give That Wolf” is actually a pro-vaccination anthem, where 🐺🐺 = 🦠 and 🍌= 💉 ” [ah, ain’t nothing like openly ridiculing a pandemic that killed millions of people] and “DID YOU KNOW THAT JIM AND KEITH ARE NON-BINAIRY?   our 3000 year old space wolves are really woke! 🚀🐺”, [despite having male names and wearing male clothes and being played by cisgender men]  Like, OKAY, now is the time to shut the hell up 🙂

(Also we don’t care if and when and where TIX wore that DJ Austronaut costume or not. How about you rely on a good song/gimmick instead of pulling some more extraneous BULLSHIT?!)

Eurotwitter still lapped it all up, ofc, as if we needed more proof you need to fail an IQ test to be a part of that community. The Casuals *and* Radio DJs I will point out  completely ignored Norway, and instead were discussing the amazing entries from the UK and Serbia, two songs that *did* go viral because they were, in addition to great acts, ALSO great songs! 😁

but sure, secure that top 10 so NRK doesn’t have to learn from their mistakes and can FINALLY get their overdue NQ in 2023, I guess.

THE RANKING: 

35. NORWAY - Subwoolfer - “Give that wolf a banana” 36. AUSTRALIA - Sheldon Riley - “Not the same” 37. SWITZERLAND - Marius Bear - “Boys do cry” 38. AZERBAIJAN - Nadir Rustamli - “Fade to black” 39. ITALY - Mahmood & Blanco - “Brividi” 40. ISRAEL - Michael Ben David - “I.M”

[charlie-rulerofhell]

For they know exactly what they do

Today there was a pretty long article published in the German newspaper FAZ, written by Julia Schaaf. Since there were quite a few interesting topics raised in it and Måneskin talked about some new aspects (or in more detail), I translated the whole thing (it might also have helped me to procrastinate).

Full interview in English under the cut.

For they know exactly what they do

June 22, 2021

Four young rock musicians from Rome are today's hottest band. Måneskin are enchanting Europe. Why? We met them for an interview.

Every romance needs its founding myth, an anecdote from the beginning, something you can tell later in more difficult times for self-assurance.

In the case of the band Måneskin, who first had Italy and now half of Europe wrapped around their fingers, and who are now trying to conquer the rest of the world with their rock music, there is the story of the shoe box. Rome, around five years ago: Four teenagers who are meeting every day after school in their rehearsal room to make music together, and sometimes they play their songs on the Via del Corso in the city centre in front of a changing audience. One day they want to record their own stuff. They find a studio that they can actually afford and as they go there they bring a shoe box, with the name of the band written on it, 'moonshine' in Danish, the bassist's mother is Danish. In the box: around seven kilogram of coins. The things you get from playing music on the streets. Everyone searching through Instagram for photos from that time can find four hippies with children's faces, three boys in batik, the girl is wearing a straw hat.

As they have to pay [for the recording], frontman Damiano David, 22, says that there was this guy, Angelo, and his bandmate Victoria De Angelis, 21, is interrupting: “No, Andrea, not Angelo”, and all of them have to laugh because a rigid studio manager with the Italian name 'angel' would be even funnier for a founding myth. David continues his story: “The guy was completely dumbfounded. 'We can't do that.' We went: 'Sure we can, that's worth the same even if it's just 20 cent coins, it's still 300 euros.” Thomas Raggi, 20, the guitarist of the band, is gasping for air as he laughs, while drummer Ethan Torchio, 20, is smiling dreamily. David finishes: “And then we snuck off before he was able to count it.” [the German text says 'verdrücken' here which is just a colloquial way of saying 'we left', but it entails some sort of a dramatic exit, so yeah, let your thoughts get creative how they left exactly :D].

Four young musicians on the verge of global fame are sitting on a white interview sofa in Berlin, completely styled, babbling across each other like overeager teenagers.

Ever since the Roman band first won the music festival Sanremo and then also the Eurovision Song Contest, carried by the enthusiasm of European viewers, you could say Måneskin has become a phenomenon. “Rock 'n' Roll never dies!”, Damiano David yelled fueled by the adrenaline of winning, and the insinuation that circulated on social media of the singer snorting during the counting of votes in front of a live camera – including their strict denial followed by a negative drug test result – might have given an additional boost to their public interest, their exploding album, ticket and merch sales, and their outstanding success on Spotify.

“We think it's a shit prejudice against rock music that there always have to be drugs involved. We fully threw ourselves into our participation with the utmost professionalism. We give everything for the music. So of course we don't want people to think that we can only do that because we take drugs.” – Victoria De Angelis

Prior to Eurovision, Måneskin was more of an insider's tip outside of Italy. Handmade rock music, not creating something entirely new but paying homage to the good old times with classic guitar riffs and cracking drum beats, being a lot of fun but also quite fragile and vulnerable at times and, first and foremost, conveying a captivating energy. Finally, on the stage of Rotterdam, live after so many months of isolation and renunciation, this wave of energy spilled straight over into European living rooms. It seemed easy to (mistakenly) interpret the winning song “Zitti e buoni” (Shut up and behave) as a declaration of frustration of our youth in times of a pandemic. In fact, singer Damiano David is singing about the favourite topic of the band: the unrelenting need to, against all odds, be yourself, despite or perhaps because you are different. The message fits their provocative sex appeal, which the band uses to demonstrate their independence of gender norms at any given time. But the core essence of rock music has always been the promise of unlimited freedom.

Thus at the first moment, the meeting with Måneskin is kind of startling. It's Wednesday, we are in the top floor of the new Sony head quarters in Berlin. The four Italians have just started their two-week long promotion tour through Europe. In the afternoon there will be a live concert in a queer club [the SchwuZ, but that's not mentioned here] in Neukölln, which will be streamed via TikTok. Around one million viewers will watch the show, some of them even from Brazil, so people at Sony are pretty excited [for Måneskin to come here]. But at first, these stunningly gorgeous creatures [yes, that's the exact wording :D] are standing surrounded by an entourage of people – their management, PR team, a stylist, a photographer, people who can hold a smartphone or a cigarette if needed [this paragraph is worded a little weirdly, especially taking into account that basically their whole team / 'entourage' is just friends of them, but it seems like the journalist didn't know that or maybe they just wanted to describe their first impression]. They seem like fictional / artificial characters out of a Hollywood movie. Transparent frill blouses with blazers and flared leather trousers, even the platform boots, everything brand-new, the makeup makes their faces look like a glossy magazine cover even in person. The smokey eyes of De Angelis and Raggi make them look smug and bored. Later, on the pictures it will probably look cool.

So of course your first impression might be: This band is under contract to industry giant Sony ever since their success on an Italian casting show [X Factor] in Winter 2017. The music industry must have its hand in the game when a band is photographed half-naked by Oliviero Toscani and styled by Etro. Also, one does not simply rent a villa with a pool in Rome to produce new music there, isolated from the rest of the world. And who else went to London for two whole months, shortly before the winter lockdown, just for inspiration? After the TikTok concert in Berlin – De Angelis and David are now wearing fishnet shirts that sparkle with every move, their bare nipples covered with an X of black tape – the band is posing with a few influencers. In the world of social media you would call that 'producing content'. But what does that mean for a band who are preaching their hosanna of authenticity? How authentic is Måneskin? And is their pointedly casual approach to sexuality and gender cliches in today's pop-cultural spirit more than a marketing strategy?

We're in the interview, the recording device is running for not even five minutes, when Victoria De Angelis says: “Actually, we just try to be ourselves and do what we really want to do.” And really: The more you listen to those four how they speak about the early days of the band in their slurred Roman dialect, about the shoe box and their own experiences with being different, but most importantly about their shared obsession [with music], the more you realise that [De Angelis] is  very serious. Ethan Torchio, who got his first drum kit at the age of six or seven from his father because he was beating everything he could reach, says: “For me, music is like food. I cannot live without it.” The bassist next to him laughs at his pathos. Singer Damiano David applauds the otherwise more reserved friend for his truthfulness [it says 'klarer Punkt', meaning 'for the point he makes', but it makes it seem like Damiano is agreeing with Ethan here, although it doesn't indicate whether he agrees that yes, music is everything for Ethan or that he understands and feels the same].

De Angelis and guitarist Raggi already knew each other from middle school and they were the ones who tried to form a band at the age of only 13, a band that actually took music seriously.

De Angelis: “It's just difficult at that age to find other people who really put everything into music and who truly commit themselves and are willing to invest a lot of their time.”

Raggi: “We set strict rules and scheduled fixed times for the rehearsals, for every day.”

David: “Fever, stomach ache, there was no excuse. Even if you were feeling sick in the rehearsal room. At least you were in the rehearsal room.”

The way the four of them talk across each other, completing each other's sentences, taking turns in talking and sometimes joking about each other, seems intimate and playful. Singer David remembers how at first bassist [De Angelis] was merciless towards him when it came to her first metal band project, as she told him that he wasn't committed enough [to the music]: “Back then I was still playing Basketball. I was one of the people that Vic absolutely didn't want [in her band].” Drummer Torchio was later discovered through Facebook, even though there had already been a drummer, a close friend, but he was not good enough. It seems as if even back then music was everything for them. Even if it meant that only Raggi managed to graduate.

And why rock, why rock music of all things? Because it's great, the four of them say in unison. David adds: “Actually, it's a genre that allows you to do everything you want to do.”

When they played on the street, they were laughed at by their classmates. But not only there. De Angelis explains that she never wanted to be a typical girl: “I was always deterred by those stupid boxes that people put you in, and that are just restricting and constraining you, because something is only regarded as male or female. I always rejected that. Instead, I just wanted to do the things I enjoyed doing, I went skating and played football.” Torchio says: “Friends who are not friends anymore were already telling me at the age of ten that those“ – he grabs his long, silky black hair – “were wrong. Because I'm a boy and boys are meant to have short hair, long hair is only for girls. I was bullied a lot for that.”

“Compared to the past, people in our age became much more open-minded. It gets better.” – Thomas Raggi

Frontman David on the other hand, for whom eye shadow, jingling earrings and nail polish as well as his bare torso with the tattoos have become trademarks by now, says: “I was actually more of the average boy.” De Angelis convinced him to try out some eyeliner, which he describes as a spiritual awakening: “I liked myself much more [with makeup]. I saw myself more as myself. As if it had been a suppressed desire of mine.” On a trip to Copenhagen with the others, when he realised that it really didn't matter what people were thinking about him, he got his first fake fur [coat? the article doesn't specify that] in a second-hand shop and let his clothing style be guided by his own love to experiment: “I realised that my whole life I was just going at half speed.” When it comes to diversity all four of them are becoming almost missionary.

At the same time, their success is not only opening doors for them. Back home in Rome they are barely able to go out on the street due to all the paparazzi. “[You need a] hoodie and huge sunglasses”, David says, “the mask is quite helpful, too.” And still, none of them is complaining, and Torchio explains why: “Even if those experiences right now may have sides that are not so pleasant, we still know that for us a dream is coming true. We experience something that we always had in our minds, so we are willing to face every consequence that this entails.”

So is the band facing difficult times, is Måneskin going to change with all the success? Again, all of them answer at the same time.

David: “I'm not worried about that.”

Raggi: “No way!”

De Angelis: “On the contrary. Everything that happened to us happened because we are who we are, so we want to continue the exact same way and stay ourselves.”

Just a few hours later, they are at the stage in Neukölln, bouncing around like pinballs, hammering at their instruments, flirting with each other. “We are out of our minds, but different from the others”, David sings their winning hymn against conformism, and: “The people talk, unfortunately they talk.” Here on stage, the four paradise birds [a German word describing someone with a flamboyant personality] with their half-nude-glittering outfits are radiating an incredible energy with the utmost sincerity, and you begin to wish there was a live audience instead of the TikTok cameras, absorbing and spreading this energy. Måneskin. A cry for a life after the pandemic, a cry for freedom and a better world.

“We do what we wished for all our lives.” – Ethan Torchio

[nightswithkookmin]

Goldy,

Kind of off topic, but a little on topic. Have you seen the band Maneskin from Italy? They won 2021 Eurovision Song Contest. Beautiful, beautiful people.

I have no idea of their sexual orientation or preferences, but they wear a lot of makeup on and off stage , and smooch on each other a lot on stage. Nobody bats an eye. They are a Metal band and they dress accordingly. I wish that everyone around the world was as accepting as all their fans are. They are super androgynous as well and they are SEXY as hell

Their charm and sexuality is so fluid and just so natural. They are who they are and they are beautiful and fun to watch. Their comfort with each other is how I wish ALL of us would be

Rock bands rock period

I wonder what they look like in brand ads. I wonder if they are given or are required to have a much tamer look with little to no rings and funky clothing or hoop earrings you can barely see.

Where are the dangly chrome earrings?! WHERE ARE THEY?!🤺

I like my BTS the way they are. It's what I bought in. I want to see men in corsets, waist snatched, dark eyeliners selling alcohol to men. Is that too much to ask?! Is it?!😒

This is what happens when they treat queerness as aesthetics and have no qualms drawing on- if not appropriate- gay culture and lifestyle. Y'all just ditch it for your hyper heteromasculinity whenever y'all want😒

Their ability to divorce themselves completly from certain looks at certain times is what gives me whiplash. When that happens, it creates the impression queerness is just a look, gender fluidity is not real and establishes traditional definitions of masculinity as the norm. You do not have to 'look like a man' to sell alcohol 🤺

I was literally waiting for this Kloud, Klout beer ad to drop ever since Winter Package at the end of last year because we all know what most people think about Alcohol and men. I was curious to how how BTS would market to men as compared to women and teens. I feel there is so much room for them to break norms and set new trends in the advertising world. I'm disappointed so far.

For contrast, look at how they look selling a nonachoholic beverage as compared to how they look selling alcohol. Can I weep? Can I?! See how they look like they just stepped off a set for a music video? They look like themselves. Their everyday selves but you look on your left and it's like huh??????

And in case the message and intent is not clear, here is a photo of different models modeling for the same brand.

Their girls look like "girls" and their boys look like "boys." I'd say BTS in those ads look much more similar to the male model here in terms of looks- that clear cut box labeled men- which to me is a problem.

I'm sorry but this is just lazy advertisement. Nothing at all ground breaking. The models look great. Taehyung looks tasty, heteromasculine and perfect.

I feel used to male oriented brands breaking boundaries and participating in the gender discourse in recent times I think my expectations for BTS on this topic in advertisement was this high.

If heteromasculinity is all y'all can tap into to sell a can of drink I'm sorry but that's misogynistic and sexist and homophobic.

If Jimin or any of these boys come out a few years down the lane in another documentary to say these kinds of shit affected them in any way I AM STARTING WORLD WAR III.

I'm tired of seeing Jimin and other Asian men be emasculated and treated as if they aren't men enough just because they look to them 'feminine.' You don't have to fix their masculinity or tweak it to suit your idea and ideals of masculinity. There's no one way of being man.

Don't get me started on the desexualization of Asian men and it's subsequent effects on Asian men. You hear Asian men are not sexy, they do not sell the fantasy, they are not this, they are not that blah blah blah and yet we sit here and wonder why someone like JK, who had probably internalized that shit, would say he wants to be seen as sexy too and perform sexy choreos and shit.

And no, it's not an American Asian problem, it's a global Asian problem. BTS are on the world's stage being socialized by the global community and they do face almost every microaggression prevalent within the regional communities. It's the American's take on them, Canada, UK, Africa, Asia, Europe, all of them. Everyone is projecting on to them their ideals and understanding of gender and who they should be. Did we not see BTS BIOT trending from the Philippines lately? Gay because WHY???? They wear make up and earrings and love androgynous?

Naa, I'm actually getting gassed the more I think about it🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺🤺

The notion that Asians aren't sexy sits on the opposite end of 'Asians are too soft and good looking they are not masculine' all on the something is inherently wrong with Asian men spectrum.

I keep saying Jikook are the two members who've faced and have perhaps had to defend their masculinities the most- from BTS themselves effeminating JK and always bringing his masculinity to question- you know they once said JK is the most feminine within the group? I think so too but that's besides the point chilee.

Then for Jimin, he's always been either over feminized or defeminized, masculated and treated as if his femininity is wrong and invalid. Didn't a certain Karmy call him a fake woman or something like that? It's almost the same microaggressions transfems and gay men steroetyped as bottoms recieve on a dialy basis in this shit hole we call planet. It's all so ghetto.

Ass holes like to masculate and invalidate fems and masculine femininity, it's appalling. And people like to gaslight and pretend these microaggressions cannot have Freudian effects on these people- he is too strong to be bullied, oh he worked so hard on himself he can't crack so easily, oh it's nothing they're just being sensitive, it was joke, they're reading too much into it, and my personal favorite- y'all are over analyzing when you point it out😌

Some people are legit serial gaslighters, they will gaslight you before you can say the Jay in Jesus.

As a black woman growing up in a community that view black women as strong and incapable of being mentally attacked and traumatized by certain experiences- black people don't get depression or mental health issues because they are black and they are strong- being masculated and defeminized on a dialy basis, I tell you- shit is torture.

All of this, and we sit here and wonder why Jimin wants to go to the gym and build muscles and blend in with the boys etc. Could be nothing, could be a response to the over feminization of Jimin, the emasculation or it could be he is internalizing some things. We will never know.

Personally, I feel JM is on the precipice of something and may be its something, may be its nothing but imma put my foot on these companies' neck and keep it there 🤓

Because it's not just about Jimin. It's about all the people who look up to him. All the people he has influence over. For every queer child who sees themselves in him and these men.

Any who. I think I've said everything I want to say on this topic. The weight on my chest is lifted. Asian men are sexy, their masculinity is VALID. Queer masculinity is valid too and they need to be inclusive of it. If you don't wanna include it leave BTS as they are. We get the representation as they are. Don't tweak them in y'all's brand campaigns. Don't fix Jimin's Jawline and make it more chiseled. HE IS PERFECT THE WAY HE IS.

Now please, let's talk about BigHit and the recent shipping agendas.😐

Signed,

GOLDY

[vs-redemption]

As someone with an eurovision tattoo, I think I'm qualified enough to talk about this 😅.

Eurovision is a wonderful mess.

Europeans yelling at each other trough music, cursing at countries only, crewing other countries over with voting and all collectively rooting against the UK when it comes last again. Yes it is high in betting odds, but I believe in my fellow Europeans that we can give UK 0 points again. It's tradition!

Though Eurovision has a fascinating history! It started in 1956 to bring Europe together again after the wars. At first mainly Western Europe participated, then in 1961 Yugoslavia debuted, making it the only communist country to participate. The Soviet Union didn't like that the country became close with the West but that's a different story! Yugoslavia actually won the contest in 1989 (with Rock me by Riva), making it the first and last communist country to win.

In 1974 the legendary band ABBA won with Waterloo. ABBA is well known for their musical and movie Mamma Mia and its sequel. Funfact this was Swedens first win, so they won with a Classic!

In 1987 Johnny 'Mr Eurovision' Logan won the contest for the second time, he also wrote the 1992 winning entry 'Why Me' he is the only winner that won multiple times, though many have tried.

In 1993, the first ever pre-qualifiers were held in Ljubljana, Slovenia. 7 countries wanted to debut in Euroviaion, the EBU (broadcaster) didn't want that many new nations, so the qualifiers were held. Slovakia, Romania, Estonia, Hungary, Slovenia, Bosnia and Herzegovina and Croatia took part, the last 3 countries qualified for Eurovision. The other 4 debuted with Poland and Lithuania the year after.

There have been many political songs but I wanted to talk about Bosnias Eurovision song that year. Sva Bol Svijeta, all the pain in the world. At that time Bosnia was at war. Sarajevo (capital) was under siege. Europe watched as it didn't want to get involved. So the band Fazla, sung about the war, how they wouldn't give up, halfway trough the song they turned their back at Europe, The same way Europe did at Bosnia. To this day that song makes me cry. The band and spokesperson, who was in Sarajevo giving their points got alot of applause for this.

Well some fun facts

Serbia won the year they debuted in 2007

Portugals 1974 song became the signal against their dictator weeks after the contest.

Lucia Moniz (Portugal 1996) was in the classic Christmas movie, Love Actually. She played the Portugese Love interest of Jamie, the writer. She was also the highest result for Portugal until they won in 2017. Making it the longest wait to win in Eurovision! Now that title belongs to Iceland.

The youngest winner was a 13 year old girl, who lied that she was 15. Sandra Kim from Belgium.

Eurovision is sometimes called the gay superbowl and is more watched than the sport.

3 songs were performed in a made up language (Belgium did that twice and NL followed its neighbor in 2006)

I always root against my country.

Some countries almost won on their first attempt, and for some it's still their best result

Lithuania best result is a joke entry (2006, we are the winners, wich came 6th)

Joke entries are the best and the Baltics are the kings of the jokes.

The presenters of the 2008 contest got married in 2012

The presenter of the 2006, 50 years of eurovision made a joke that Finland would not win if they kept screaming, couple of weeks later Finland won, with a screaming band (Lordi)

Moldova is the meme country (epic sax guy, door meme...

The UK gets voted last as a joke by the rest of Europe.

Euroviaion had a mascot in 1990, called Eurocat. Never saw that again.

Some of my favorite entries if you want to check them out

Hajde da Ludujemo by Tajči 1990

Tih dezeven dan by 1x band 1993

Nekonecna Piesen by Tublatanka 1994

Romeo by Ketil Stokkan 1986

My Star by Brainstorm 2000

Honestly I could go on and on about eurovision and I might send another ask in the morning about Eurovision, but its 3 am and I'm tired!

-Enis

Wow Enis! You really know a lot about it!! I’ll look at some of your favorites later. I’m excited! I can’t believe it has so much history. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom! 💖

[angrypedestrian]

THE TIME IDIOTS EPISODE 603 TITLED “NBC, Fox, AND Eurovision (just in case) are calling their lawyers as we speak” MY THOUGHTS:

Previously on the CW presents Warner Brothers subsidiary DC Entertainment’s Legends of Tomorrow: goo =(

This week: what is, from my understanding, basically Catherynne Valente’s Space Opera??? Regardless: =)

She should also have her lawyer on call, just in case

SPEAKING of which, Eurovision is THIS WEEK. I highly recommend rooting for the Weird Teens From Iceland

I watch this live over air anddddd there is no sound coming through L O L

Also doing a sort of robocop thing too huh? i guess the lawsuit fees were just built into the budget orrrrr

AND we have sound

DO YOU THINK WE CAN AFFORD THE BUZZCOCKS TOO WHO DO YOU GUYS THINK YOU ARE

(but also this is one of the all time great rock songs fuck you show, and fun fact for those that don’t know, much like ol jonno, buzzcocks front man pete shelly was also bi!)

lets be real 4 phones is too many phones

lololololol well that is kind of a yoga retreat

wow rip dj s’more money

girl u don’t have to go to that funeral, you’d get so much more engagement if you didn’t if you think about it!!

Nate saying what we’re all thinking on that front. here’s hoping Da Throne keeps TV Grim Reaper in business that long

caity doing some real Acting here isn’t she hoo boy

oh please john can’t play guitar

NBC def has grounds to sue now with them barging in on Young Rock’s The Rock is president beat

this host man really not hiding his robot fucker fetish?? i do not think even network tv would allow that in 2045

i know they will defeat the robotman, but what if instead he learned....to love??

finally a young woman on this ship who doesn’t immediately want to climb mick like a tree.

mick: finally. fucking...finally

man robots are fuckin dumb

oooohh rude to mess up behrad’s feng shui

i really do wanna know how much more money WB gave them this year because these alien outfits, the CGI, so many sets??? like they gotta be working with at least $100 an ep now

also really shocked Leslayyy has survived this long. i hope she makes it through the end of the season

ALWAYS Z

ALWAYS

very excited for all my zava friends out there. your time to shine

lololol VEGAS ACT.

tala ashe needs to be making at least a million dollars an episode!!!

every time i have to see promo for Walker an angel loses its wings and falls straight down to hell

Honestly give the title to neon thrills, sorry zari

this gay man host definitely has something evil going on right?

ohhhhh tala needs at least 5 million for this episode

All I can think of is Sad Beyonce while she sings this very bad song

which is not Tala’s fault!! but is IS bad

honestly why is this sara and gary subplot happening. they’re fun together but it is just so incongruous with whatever else is happening

NO BAD. BAD ALIEN TONGUE TENTACLE THING

NO

but still love this planet of Pink Vancouver

aw c’mon guys you can’t do the Location Full Of Avas thing TWICE

Nate and Behrad are too powerful and gay. i love this for them

i love that everyone thinks john is basically david blaine, except somehow worse

awwwwww maman

ZARI NO BAD ZARI YOU LOVE THAT DAVID BLAINE MAN

lololol yeah you do kinda look like criss angel lol

also put a shirt on john

love that nate and behrad went yes john this is a titty out look

you can’t use john’s kicky harpsicord music during a sad time!!! rude

awwww poor jonno

zari punch the s’more man in the face

honestly love the robotman at this point

and i still cannot get over the alien queen lady being named...Kayla?

good job lita being at college or whatnot. and awwww poor mick

....is Leslayyy an alien. or do people in 2045 just materialize? either seems plausible

well glad robotman’s society is far more advanced than ours

That’s right behrad!!! you get to hurt the s’more man first!

honestly you can’t prove nate wasn’t dj s’more money the whole time

i also hope whoever played robotman made a million dollars this episode they are KILLING IT

zari if you have learned one thing you should have learned by now that john always picks the WORST time for EVERYTHING

zari i want you to say yes but also if you do you WILL die because that’s just how it works with john

tala ashe singing the buzzcocks????? content for me?????? FOR ME??????

justice for neon thrills honestly why we didn’t get at least a one off lines from those kids they seem fun

and i am sure it goes without saying, but the Neal McDonough Memorial Can Get It Awards absolutely goes to Zari and John

also lol we can also afford rickenbackers on this show? this is how you KNOW legends has money now

who are these virtual audience members?? did i miss some sort of contest?

THEY’RE BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND

what the fuck....is this fucking thing. i swear to christ if you turn this into another beebo

no spooner’s right shoot it

HELL YEAH RORY GOOD JOB

It’s literally.....Kayla

Just.....Kayla

what

oh shit this is tala’s husband right?

good for her

Next week: oh no....legends does geopolitics....again

[hannawatchesesc]

Kinda a (long) rant about this movie situation.

I have seen a lot of posts (mainly from States) saying that Europeans are way too sensitive about this Fire Saga what ever situation, that the movie should be taken with a sense of humour, and that people from States doesn't even care about our stupid competition (when joked that they made this movie because of jealousy.)

Please note that this isn't the end of the world, or the most pressing issue to be solved, and Eurovision fandom surely knows it. Still, it doesn't change the fact, that this movie wasn't the Eurovision representation we hoped for.

TL;DR in the end

So here me out.

I'm not even ashamed to say, that this Eurovision movie didn't spark a joy in me, and that I'm tired of people who don't understand Europe, and the worth of Eurovision for this continent.

Eurovision is one (1) single thing, that honestly unites Europe. The European Union consists 27 countries, and the whole continent 51. There are about 750 million people living here, and about 450 million in the Union. So obviously the cultural differences here are huge.

These 51 countries includes: one of the most powerful countries in the world, a dictatorship, few countries with worrying state of democracy. Poor countries, rich countries, welfare states, countries which have faced a devastating humanitarian crises and wars no longer than 30 years ago, old countries, and countries not older than 10 years.

Creating unified European identity is really hard, even within the Union. And we are always compared to other parts of the world as the European Union. Sure, it's a great comparison since the Union and the States are approximately same size in population, but this erases the fact that there are 27 independent nation states in the Union with their own norms, laws and leaders. Not to mention, that Europe ≠ European Union.

We don't have sports, politics, religions or even cultures, which could unify whole continet. So to be able to unite it once a year is a miracle, that shouldn't be belittled or say that it is useless.

Eurovision has a long, succesful history of doing this. First contest was held in 1956, to unify war torn continent. Lets not forget, Europe was devided ideologically and politically. Old enemies were suddenly friends, and old friends were now enemies. Many countries were in ruins both literally and figuratively. It's not a small thing if a song contest is able to do this barely a decade after a world war tore through whole Europe, and keeps doing so six decades later.

ESC might be silly and over the top, but it's our silly and over the top. It's one thing Europeans can discuss with each other and everyone can understand the concept. It's a safe platform for marginalized groups to show their art and communities in a very large and public place, and in countries that tries to deny those communities. It isn't only about the music, it's about the possibility to share our cultures as well as be as freely who we are, when not everyone has right to do so in their every day life. Eurovision isn't without a flaws, but it has shown it's commitment to human rights more than once in recent years.

Eurovision is also a few of those things, that is truly ours (and Australians, but you know.) We live in a world full of news about US. Past four years I don't remember a single day reading/watching our national news and not seeing news from across the pond.

Sure US politics have been kinda crazy lately, but I have a hunch, that most of people there cannot tell as much about a European country's (not UK) politics, as Europeans can about US politics. We read, write and post about problematic politics in the States constantly, and worry how their foreign policy desicions will affect our countries.

And it is not just about politics. We watch American movies, tv shows, read American books, eat American foods and follow American celebrities. We use US based platforms; US based companies collect and sell our data. To be able to understand (internet) culture we need to speak English and understand how the States works as a society.

We live in very US centric world right now, that is unavoidable, but I wish Americans would regonise that. There are many issues in US that are not relatable in European countries (example gun violence, or electoral colleges). We have own problems in our countries, and yet we still need to hear about and understand yours all the time, whether we wanted it or not.

Eurovision is one piece of culture that is just European. There is a reason why we don't want Americans to be involved. We don't really care if you don't care, we are going to make these jokes anyways, because we have to care so much about your problems and culture. This is our moment to atleast pretend that US doesn't matter. Once a year we can be in our own bubble without worrying if there is going to be nuclear war next week.

So sure, we are going to be salty and sensitive about this, but it is going to be a big of a deal for like 6 days max. We are going to return to post about BLM, and gun laws and Donald Trump. But I think we have a right to be salty. Some Americans (who don't even care about our stupid competition) made a movie about our thing, made some beginner level mistakes and used the most tired European/Eurovision stereotypes.

Will Farrell maybe great guy and Eurovision fan, but it isn't the same. I know they probably tried their best to make this fun and light, but it wasn't probably the best way to tell about Eurovision for wider audience.

Maybe, just maybe this could have been our movie to make, and our story to tell? There isn't that many European movies about Superbowl, is there?

TL;DR

Living in the US Centric world is really tiring sometimes as we need to learn and understand at least our own countries and US politics and cultures, and stress about said politics' effects on our countries and continent. Beside that, we have our neigbouring countries and European Union to worry about.

Eurovision is one thing that unifies Europe and its vastly different countries. It's okay not to understand it, but being disrespectful about it is just super rude. Europe is full of problematic shit and we know it, but Eurovision isn't one of them, so just leave it alone.

[your-eyes-can-be-so-cruell]

I feel like some people(especially film critics) are treating the Eurovision film too seriously. If you watch it, keeping in mind what its meant to be then it’s a fun watch and really appreciated at a time like this. It wasn’t supposed to be an accturate serious story with all details correct and deeply layered characters, I don’t even think it was meant to be a proper comedy film. I also disagree it’s some sort of American railroaded project to make fun of the contest we all enjoy and doesn’t understand Eurovision. There are loads of Europeans involved, I know Will Ferrell can be a marmite sort of person and too much for some people, but he’s been watching and loved Eurovision for over 20 years because of his Swedish wife and that came off for me in the film. It felt like a European film to me, not American. It embraced the weirdness as well as the heart of Eurovision including having loads of callbacks and in jokes. The songs were also banging and could easily have been in the actual competition, especially Lion of  Love, which btw we need to discuss how Dan Stevens stole the show and I hope they make a sequel with everyone back trying to find Alexander a boyfriend. Ok, some of the details weren’t correct(I can give that an out considered it was edited and delayed during Covid) but, It even had Graham Norton and his scathing comments which is always a win for me. So if you watch it with an open mind because you love Eurovision or just need cheering up then I highly recommend it. If you’re not sure about the film then I’m begging just go onto youtube and watch ‘Lion of Love’ and tell me that isn’t Eurovision.

[totallypathet]

UK Episode Five

UK Hun?

I know I haven't at all talked about Drag Race UK this season, but I have ~opinions~ and my flatmate is getting bored of me so here we are.

First episode back after lockdown! I feel so bad for these queens, started filming, get sent home for seven months, have no idea if/when they're going to start filming again, lose income for 7 months, it must have been so awful. But I'm glad they're all back! Except poor Veronica who got covid - I hope they do a Eureka and invite her back for season 3, I feel like she had so much more to show!

Of course they brought someone back to replace her, typical drag race gag, but nice that someone else got another chance! Having said that, it should have been Astina. She didn't deserve to go home in the first place, imo. I do think it was kind of harsh to throw that at everyone first thing though! Like the eliminated three didn't get to do anything to even fight for it, and for all the remaining queens, like its been seven months! Who remembers things that long?? Not me, that's for damn sure. I think that was kind of harsh, and I think a lot of people did go for Joe maybe as a safe choice, like there's always an argument for the queen who went home first, they didn't really get to show much. You know what I wish, I wish those three had been a group for the Eurovision (I refuse to say Rurovision) challenge, and then everyone got a chance to vote someone back. That would have felt fairer somehow.

Anyway. I was initially really glad we got Joe back, because I really felt like she did have more to show. I was soon to be disappointed, however 😂

I do love the music challenges, and I adore MNEK, I hope he is like the permanent music judge. One of my favourite moments was him, I think it was after Bimini's first take, going "well...its good that we have that..." very like Chrissy Teigen 😬 that was so funny to me, I loved it.

1. A'Whora

Before the covid break I really didn't like A'Whora, but I feel like she's come back a bit more relaxed, a bit more open, and I liked her so much more this episode. I feel like maybe when she came back she was a bit more relaxed because she knew (kind of) what she was walking into, so she felt a but more at home, maybe. Anyway, I think she did really well this week! She's not a singer, but she leaned into this moany sexy thing that some people do do at Eurovision, and hey, sex sells! I think it was a smart choice for her.

Her look as well... amazing. You guys it was a bag of chips! She had wooden forks as her earrings! The font of the newspaper was to scale! She was carrying a salt shaker! It was so sick, I loved it. I loved seeing her be fashion and polished and beautiful, but also whimsy and funny at the same time! Great week for A'Whora.

2. Bimini Bon Boulash

We LOOOOOOOVE Bimini Bon Boulash! For me, she was the absolute stand out this week, I just adored her! Her verse was amazing, her lyrics were great, her very East London attitude was everything, I just loved it. And her outfit! That mad pink cowboy barbie? Incredible! Also, so Eurovision. And the jump off the stool! That lives in my head rent free. "Somebody do a death drop or summing!" Perfect. The whole performance was amazing.

Also her runway looooooook! It was so beautiful, so fashion, I was getting Gautier from that lace and the umbrella... everything about it to me was so perfect. I know it was a team win, but to me Bimini absolutely killed it, and she was my winner 🥰🥰

3. Ellie Diamond

I love Ellie, but honestly I think she's too young for this competition. She's so great, but if you give her just a couple more years, she's going to be absolutely unstoppable. I think she did pretty well this week, her lyrics were fun, she is a dancer, she performed great! I do agree with Michelle, she did look a little bit like she was in her head for a lot of the performance, but that just comes with confidence, and when you've not performed for 7 months and then suddenly you're on the main stage, that's got to be super nerve wracking!

I also think Ellie was a victim of a bad group this week. I think the group as a whole didn't have a lot of direction or focus, the choreography wasn't that great, they didn't really feel like a group. It was unfortunate. I feel like she did the best she could.

I kind of loved her runway, I think the seagull thing was hilarious! She was a human size seagull! That's hysterical. The only thing I kind of wish is that she'd had ridiculous padding on. Like, what's funnier than a giant seagull with huge tits in a bikini. I think that's so funny.

4. Joe Black

Oh Joe. I was excited for Joe to come back, but as soon as she walked out to the Eurovision challenge in that dress with that wig and a belt, I knew it was over.

I'll get into the dress H&M/Primark drama in a second, but first let's talk about the actual challenge. Joe's lyrics were pretty good, but the way she performed them was just so at odds with the track. It's cheesy Euro pop, you know? I just feel like she could have done things differently. And then with the choreo...look I don't expect anyone to walk in being a great dancer and doing flips and splits and all that, but I just felt like she didn't even really try with the moves Ellie and Tia wanted to do. Maybe that was the edit, I don't know. I also feel like, as team leader, she could have found some solutions, like they could've had Tia & Ellie doing these amazing moves, and Sister & Joe could have done something more simple, or they could have found some comedy Joe could lean into while the others were dancing, but it just seemed like they didn't even try and find a way around it? It was just a bit weird to me.

And then she came out for the runway, and it was like chalk and cheese. Joe Black had by far and away the best runway look of the night. That's one of my favourite things that's ever been worn on UK Drag Race, it was amazing. But it was also like girl if you can do that, why were you wearing H&M during the main challenge? And like, I'd get it, if that dress was beautiful, or bold, or she'd used it as a base and done something to it, but it wasn't. It was so basic, and she even said she knew it was basic, and it didn't even fit her right. It was just so disappointing.

Honestly, I understand what Ru was saying about not wanting to see off the rack. I can't believe I'm about to be defending Transphobia Paul, but I actually kind of agree. And it's not about money, I don't think anyone has to spend loads of money to be a good drag queen, I think its just about it being a Look. A Moment. Like this is internationally available TV. And you're going to come out to perform in a dress off the sale rack that you just threw on and belted? I just find that disappointing. And I get what people are saying about Astina in week 1 winning with an off the rack outfit, but at least she did something with it. I mean, first of all it at least was a cool jacket. But then she built this outfit, and sold a character, she gave us an East London Moment, and it didn't matter that the jacket was from ASOS.

Joe didn't give us anything with that dress. She did nothing with it, and she didn't give us a character or a presentation, it was just an ugly dress. But then she came out in that incredible runway look, why such a disconnect? And I know that it was covid, and everyone had a loss of income, but girl the filming started before that. Like Joe should have already had the wardrobe for the season all ready before the lockdown. And if she didn't, she had 7 months to do literally anything with that dress. Stone it, glitter it, paint it, dye it, wreck it with bleach, make it a top, make it a jacket, do SOMETHING! You know? Also, that runway look? Idk if she made it or commissioned it, but baby that was not cheap. That took time, and energy, and effort, and money, so I'm calling bullshit on "maybe she could only afford a sale rack H&M dress 😔". Bullshit, Vivienne.

I was just so disappointed in Joe. I'm glad she went home.

5. Lawrence Chaney

I was worried for Lawrence this week! She's not known for being a singer or a dancer, and she was the only plus size girl in her group. As a big bitch myself I know it can be intimidating to be surrounded by thin people, especially when you're doing things you're not confident in.

But bitch she fucking turned it out this week! She wrote good lyrics, she kept up with the choreography, but most importantly, she performed the song. Like she leaned into not being a good dancer, she didn't look unsure or awkward, she just did it. I love that about Lawrence, she always just gives it her best, and I respect the hell out of it.

Her day at the seaside look was cute. It was a little bit obvious, a little bit literal, but it was well made, it fit her beautifully, and she looked fantastic. She did the assignment, and tbh I'm happy with that. She did a good job, and I'm proud of her!

6. Sister Sister

Honesly, the fact that Tia Kofi was in the bottom two when Sister Sister was right there is a fucking hate crime.

I genuinely forgot Sister Sister even existed. Like the only memorable thing she has done all season is her Morning Talk Show goth, and that was painful to watch. And she spends all her confessionals just bitching and moaning about other people! She spent the whole Talk Show episode complaining about Veronica and saying she didn't wanna work with her, but bitch what did you do?? If you think someone else is boring, you should have no trouble out shining them! And then she didn't!

I'm over it with her. Her performance wasn't that good, her lyrics weren't that good, and then her runway look was like the Wish version of A'Whora's.

I'm not totally certain that I buy that Sister stole it as a concept from A'Whora, but... maybe? Like, if Sister had really seen A'Whora's when they were filming the first time, and Sister had something totally different back then... I can see that maybe she thought "oh, thats a way better idea". All I know is, if you're gonna do the same look as someone else, you better leave them in the dust; and she didn't. She should have been lipsyncing this week.

7. Tayce

Tayce really pulled it out this week! Her rap was one of the best performances in the whole show, she killed it! Her lyrics were great, she really delivered them like a rapper, and them she performed the hell out of the song! Loved it. The only things I had to say about Tayce was that she seemed like the odd one out in the group in terms of outfits? Like everyone else went very Eurovision, cheesy pop pink, and she went with a very cool, edgy, darker look. Like, she looked stunning, and I looooved her hair, but it just didn't quite fit with the rest of the group. But that's a real nitpick, in terms of the actual performance, she was amazing!

Tayce's runway look. It was okay. It was a little bit literal for me, she went for shells and netting. It was cool, she looked beautiful, but it wasn't like a knockout for me.

8. Tia Kofi

Tia got a raw fucking deal this week. She was the best performer in her group by a country fucking mile, she had the best lyrics, she was the best rapper, and I think she looked the best out of the four in that group (during during challenge). I could not believe they put her in the bottom two.

Okay, her runway look was not great. It was a long way from great. But at least she had a unique concept (*cough* Sister), and she gave us some form of presentation. It could have been a lot better, but there was potential! I really wish that she'd had a much more defined look, I wish the skirt had been a high waisted pencil skirt, with some kind of cone-like texture somehow, really fitted and beautiful. And then I wish the top had been really big and over the top ruffles, maybe tulle, just something BIG. And that wouldn't have had to be expensive, you can buy cheap pencil skirts, she could have dyed one brown herself, and then she could have bought that cheap mesh that looks like tulle and made a really big rounded ice cream top out of it - I'm just proving my point about Joe Black and the off the rack thing now btw. But I wish it had just been a bit more considered than it was. And I also wish she'd had a flake head piece instead of a cherry, because when you buy those ice creams at the beach it's always a 99.

One thing I will give Tia's runway this week is that her face was stunning. I think that's the best her face has looked all season, the makeup was beautiful.

There was kind of a lot of drama this week with the whole off the rack thing, and then the A'Whora vs Sister Sister conspiracy, and I kind of loved it! I also really enjoyed this challenge, I feel like they've had much better and more interesting challenges on the UK series than the American one. Also UK Hun is going to be in my head for weeks.

I'm picking my top 2 of the season as Lawrence Chaney and Bimini Bon Boulash. Veronica Green would have been up there for me as well, it's a real shame that she got sick and couldn't finish this season! I really really hope they bring her back for season 3!

[inhibited-irregularity]

EUROVISION 2021, personal favorites:

- Russia 🇷🇺

Manizha, Russian Woman: Absolute favorite. The sheer originality of the song! Her energy and the level of absolute badassery! She can sing, she can rap,and she's a bomb of energy. The way reggae and brass and hiphop and Slavic melodies overlap and it somehow works, the transitions between fun and "I'm bitter about the sexism and I'm mocking it unapologetically and making a stand" and the anthemic, emphatic and powerful message to Russian women; I was swelling with emotion while watching her. While to an American or a Westerner it may seem like performative feminism, I'm gonna remind you that in Russia and other Slavic countries that's very much not a thing and actually a very unpopular stand to make, and in Russia, The Balkans, and Eastern Europe in general, hundreds of women face domestic and sexual abuse on the daily, and those who do come forward rarely get support and are mostly dismissed. Let's not forget that Manizha got a huge backlash from the Russian government officials, and a big part of it was for her Tajik roots. The honesty of her message is real, and she's speaking from personal experience and the experience of women around her - nothing performative about her song, and you can tell from her delivery that the fire within her is true and she leaves her heart on the stage and pours it into the song. The staging and costumes are great as well, and symbolically well thougt-through. I would really like her to win, or at least get to the top 5. Most of all, I hope her message is heard and felt. 10000/10

- Italy 🇮🇹

Måneskin, Zitti e Buoni: definitely the closest thing to my actual music taste this year, so liking them off the bat wasn't a surprise. However, they're not just your regular Franz-Ferdinand-ish young alt rock band that wants to do rock "properly" - they have IT. The X factor, the Je ne sais quoi. I've been exposed to that particular genre, and I can confidently say that the song still manages to be refreshing and original (that bridge, those riffs!) The band has a great energy and no matter how much Damiano steals the show, they are still a unit and nobody is left in the shadows. They have the spirit of great rock bands of the previous century, and yet they don't try to copy anyone (khm,Greta Van Fleet, khm). Damiano's vocals are both powerful, seductive and provoking, and I'm still admiring the sheer amount of emotion he can pack into a single line and the nuance and yet rawness behind it. I'm not gonna state the obvious lol (the obvious being yes, I'm thirsty as well, he becomes yet another unattainable rockstar for me too,and yes they all look great) Anyway, great song, and maybe the clearest and most serious candidate for the number one spot, taking both the jury and the public into consideration. 10/10

- Iceland 🇮🇸

Daði Freyr and Gagnamagnið, 10 years:

What can I say about this masterpiece that hasn't already been said? A clear fan-favorite (hi, Valentina), but with the guns to back it up. The song is contagious, fun and campy, and unlike some other songs with said qualities, actually good from a musical perspective. Daði is incredibly charismatic and his sense of humor shines through, and even though he's the star of the show, the same can be said about the other band members. The synergy Måneskin has can be applied to Gagnamagnið as well, even though the energy is entirely different. They're serving us fun, sunshine, kitties rainbows sugar spice and everything nice, and manage to do it with zero cringe factor (plus those funky keytars). I'm one of those Eurovision fans that lament the golden age's (2004-2009) campiness (We'll never forget you, Verka), and Daði managed to bring it back, but modernised, polished and still sincere. I personally preferred the epic dad joke that slightly more commercial Think About Thing was (but that's one tough act to follow), but I'm always down for a husband adoring his wife and singing praises to their relationship. Since we're on tumblr, I feel obliged to use the term "cinnamon rolls" in describing Daði and the band. 9.5/10

- France 🇫🇷

Barbara Pravi, Voilà: She brought the theatrics, she brought the drama, and she brought the 101 in "that's how you perform". Her personality leaps through, and her voice is both beautiful and full of emotion and power. I'd hire her to star in a serious and artistic movie. Despite the fact that Voilà is from its melody to the singing style to the video to the vibe and the aesthetic hands down the most French thing I've seen since Amélie (do not come for that movie), it miraculously doesn't come across as a cliché, but rather an homage, and an individualistic one at that. It's not entirely my cup of tea, since I'm usually biased to songs that may come off as snobbish (I mean, the jury is going to lap it up), and are all about being proper and technical and oh how ~artistic~, but Barbara puts the soul into the immaculate. I'm not giving her the highest mark because I'm yet to see the performance, but I'm rooting for her. If she delivers the performance, we might have a clear winner. 9/10

- Ukraine 🇺🇦

Go_A, Shum: I'm a sucker for all things ethnic and mytological, so this was a no-brainer. I want that song played at every party. I want to go to the forest in the video and chant and summon the spring with flute and hard-bass. Kateryna Pavlenko has some unexplainable power over me, and her eyes are simply hypnotizing. The vocals are great, proper Slavic ethno right there (seriously, check out Slavic folklore and traditional music), and she has a subtle punk quality too(?). Ukraine came to save the spring and make us forget about the pandemic, and minus the Maruv fiasco (justice for her!), they always deliver and I expected nothing less. On the other hand, I loved the original version much more and couldn't help but be a bit disappointed with the revamp (yes, I know they had to), and while I personally love Shum, I think some other acts are more deserving of the higher placement. Go_A are not my winner, but definitely soon to be in my playlist. 8/10

- San Marino 🇸🇲

Adrenalina, Senhit ft. Flo Rida: You know that golden age of Eurovision I mentioned? THIS. I'm Serbian, so I can't resist a banger reminiscent of our horrible turbo-folk elements (and I say that endearingly,takes me back to 18th birthday parties (boy I'm glad that's over)). Let's just crown Senhit this year's Queen of Camp. The wild factor of Flo Rida...just?? Amazing. Can't wait to see how the performance goes (EDIT- it went great, I had a grin on my face the entire time and couldn't help but dance along). A certain refreshment after Serhat and Valentina Monetta endless loop. They didn't dial down the weird, but made it catchy af, and the vocal can rival any Balkan folk diva. While I think it's definitely the most entertaining entry this year, it's far from being the most original, and it's not really my genre of preference. Will vote for Senhit and root for her to qualify. 7.5/ 10

- Sweden 🇸🇪

Tusse, A million voices: As I mentioned before, I'm the first person that starts complaining about Sweden Superiority as soon as Eurovision season begins, and I'm with you all with being tired of Sweden qualifying just because they're Sweden and usually just bringing the same brand of MTV/Calvin Harris/American pop, or a successful and not-so-subtle imitation of the performances that did well the previous year,but listen: A million voices is a solid pop song and I'm going to die on that hill. It actually embodies the essence of pop - a catchy, pleasant melody sung by a good vocalist, with a short,sweet and uplifting message. It's not the same as previous years, it's not commercial, just good pop - good pop being something you immediately like and vibe to no matter how many common elements of the genre it checks. It relies on RnB rather than electronic sounds, auto tune or various DJ effects. Tusse is charming and charismatic af, and he's a 19yo kid doing an amazing job on a global stage. You don't have to like it, but there's no need to hate on it (ask Jendrik). Imo, Tusse deserved to qualify. Not winner material yet, but I wish him a fun time and a successful career. 7 5/10

- Switzerland 🇨🇭

G'jons Tears, Tout L'Univers: I saw the video first, and I HATED IT. It came across as a Duncan Lawrence-high-art wannabe, something technically perfect, but empty of soul or meaning, another soft boy with a sad falsetto, another jury-points bait. BUT. I changed my mind entirely after seeing him perform. Hands down, it was touching and epic. Reminding me of Hamlet aside, he DELIVERED, and made me love him, and actually enjoy the song. I still think the song is less original than Tusse's voices, but I enjoy the troubadour vibes of the pre-chours. G'jon is absolutely adorable, and I'm not gonna be mad if he wins. 8/10

shout-outs&honorable mentions:

- Serbia 🇷🇸 Yes, some national bias, but I'm proud of our girls. Ever Since we placed 2nd with Željko's Lane, we had that goddamn flute e v e r y year, and the same outdated scenography with a side of extra pathos (I'm sure that ruined Sanja's chances and her otherwise great performance back in 2016.) Finally something fun and actually representative of the music popular here. They looked flawless and the energy was off the charts. Go, Hurricane!

-Finland 🇫🇮 Yes, cheesy and corny and I cut my finger accidentally from watching the video on all the edge, but I'm biased because they're bringing emo and nu-metal back, and that's the music of my early adolescence (hello, Kaulitz brothers and Andy Biersack,hello Gerard Way and Linkin Park) Call me grandma lol

- Malta 🇲🇹 DESTINY CAN SIIIIIIIIING! I wasn't impressed with the song initially, but the performance blew my mind.

- Ireland 🇮🇪 A for effort, and so nice of her to try and give us something unique! While it wasn't good enough to qualify, it was super fun and she seems so nice. Also, we all know that she was out of breath an can sing much better than that. Still wasn't bad.

- Romania 🇷🇴, for being so young and brave enough to put on a show. The nerves got the better of her, but the song itself is good and no doubt she'll do well in the future

- Lithuania 🇱🇹, thanks for the memeries

- Croatia 🇭🇷, Not my cup of tea, but Albina gave a great performance

-Norway 🇳🇴, for embodying the spirit of Eurovision

- North Macedonia 🇲🇰, for the disco chest

- The UK 🇬🇧, for putting some effort

(Might edit later)

[technicallycleverdetective]

Please don’t take this too seriously :) I was inspired by the Zero Points Squad sticker that can be found here, alongside other cute Eurovision creations: https://www.redbubble.com/people/andzl/explore?asc=u&page=1&sortOrder=recent

This is not meant to accurately represent any person or country, and no offence is meant. I just wanted to write this and I hope it isn’t rubbish.

The 2022 Eurovision Song Contest was drawing to a close. After months of preparation and anticipation, one of the greatest nights of the year was almost over, at least in its official capacity. No doubt there would be parties long into the night. The four men who made up the Dutch act for this year planned to join at least one of them, preferably returning to the hotel room no earlier than 6am. They had been asked several times by interviewers whether they hoped for greater success on their second try, and had always answered affirmatively, but their idea of success differed significantly from that of many others in the contest.

A bottle of wine was passed around the delegation as the jury votes continued. Returning Michael Schulte to the front line of musical warfare was paying dividends for Germany, and Jendrik was getting the chance to stand up and applaud every few minutes or so. Spain had picked up some 1, 2 and 3s from a few countries and now sat with a score of 12.

“And now we connect to the Irish jury. Hello Dublin.”

James continued to smile carelessly and hid his crossed fingers between his knees.

“Dublin calling, good evening…” The connection failed and the representative went blurry for a moment, only to return with a professional smile still held firmly in place. “And our 12 points go to…”

The lower points were hastily thrown up on screen and James leaned forward, scanning the selection quickly. He spotted the UK flag at the bottom right just as the scoreboard zoomed into focus, showing 12 points heading to the left hand side of the table.

“Congratulations, James!” Jendrik said, flopping onto the sofa beside him and giving him a quick hug. He looked for the UK and sighed in relief, seeing a single point had allowed it to make the small jump from 26th to 25th position.

“We did it,” he said, pumping his fist and turning to look at Blas.

“We did,” his Spanish compatriot agreed.

“Sorry Jeangu,” Jendrik added.

“Not at all,” He smiled easily and sat back. “We are the Zero Points Band, after all.”

Jendrik clapped a few times with excitement and looked back at the screen, cheering again as Germany received ten points, and nearly stepping on James in his haste to get up and celebrate. Blas gave a few gentle claps as he saw that his country had received another 3 points.

 “And now we move to the votes which you, the public, have given,” the host said. “We will go in reverse order from the country which has the lowest number of the votes from the jury, which is the Netherlands…”

The Zero Points Band cheered.

“…And continue until we reach the country with the highest number of votes, which is…”

The host’s mouth continued to move, but their microphone appeared to have cut out. They brought their hand to the device and fiddled with it, glancing to their co-host for assistance. Someone hurried out from backstage to assist and the cameraperson focused on the co-host, who seemed a little surprised to be left alone.

“Yes,” they said. “And we will now begin to give out the points from the televote, starting with the Netherlands.”

The members of the Zero Points Band gathered together on the sofa, clasping onto each other’s hands as they awaited their fate. The co-host looked down at the numbers in front of them and their concerned expression gave away the result before they spoke.

“Netherlands, you have received…0 points.”

No country had ever been so pleased to receive nothing. Jendrik roared with glee and leapt up to complete a small victory run in front of the sofa. James and Blas shouted exuberantly at the camera which sped towards them, and Jeangu simply smiled and blew a kiss to the audience at home. The co-host’s apology died in their throat as they watched the scene.

“Well, some good reactions there,” they remarked. They returned to their attention to the camera. “Let’s continue. The next to receive points from the televote will be the United Kingdom.”

The Zero Points Band immediately settled down, gathering around James as they waited. He supposed it didn’t matter what happened now – they had achieved their objective after all – but it would still be nice to…

“United Kingdom, the televote has given you…7 points.”

The cheers on the Dutch sofa nearly blew out the microphones. James turned and gave a happy thumbs-up to the British delegation, who looked at him as if he had lost his mind. The Italian hosts seemed to think the same thing.

“Some celebration from the Dutch delegation,” the host, whose microphone had been fixed by now, noted with a small hint of judgement. “Let’s move on.”

“Oh, sorry. That was probably rude,” James said.

“Well done,” his bandmates said, crowding in for a group hug.

There was one other country between the UK and Spain, allowing time to cool down before it was time to surround Blas. He clasped his hands nervously over his mouth as the host spoke.

“Spain, the public has given you…60 points.”

Blas immediately began muttering in rapid fire Spanish as his bandmates crowded in for a hug, offering congratulations. He pulled away a little to watch his country leapfrog to the bottom of the left-hand side, and turned around to find and applaud the Spanish act. They waved the little flag back at him and then looked surprised when it flew away, leaving them holding an empty stick.

 There was a long gap of countries then, giving them time to relax with another glass of wine and bask in their victory.

“Do you know what I was thinking?” Jendrik asked.

“What?” Jeangu looked at him curiously.

“It’s a shame Blas’ name doesn’t start with J. We could call ourselves the J-Team. That would be such a cool name for a band.”

“I love that,” James agreed. “You don’t have a J anywhere in your name, do you?”

“Even if I did, it would not be pronounced the same. Sorry.” Blas shrugged, clearly not sorry at all.

“Oh well,” Jendrik shrugged. “I guess we’ll have to continue as the Zero Points Band. That’s alright.”

“Do you think we will continue?”

“Well, we could be like the…what was their name?” He lightly tapped his forehead. “The Icelandic band last year?”

“Oh, they were great,” James said enthusiastically. The others murmured in agreement.

“Yeah, so we could form just for Eurovision. I’d like that. This is so much fun.”

“Yeah, it is,” James nodded. “I’m up for that.”

“Sure, why not?” Blas agreed. Jeangu simply nodded.

“Great,” Jendrik toasted them and then turned onto his back to check the screen. “Oh, my turn.”

 “Next up, we have Germany,” the host said. “Will the points from the public be enough to lift them to winning position? We will soon find out.”

The co-host took their cue to check the numbers. “From the public, Germany has received…218 points! Congratulations!”

Michael Schulte and his delegation smiled at the camera, and at Jendrik as he waved madly and then applauded. Germany jumped to first position on the scoreboard.

“Now Germany is in the lead, but there are still seven countries waiting to receive their points…”

Those seven countries didn’t matter, however. The Zero Points Band had had a wonderful night and three of them reclined on the sofa, thinking happily of the party ahead, while Jendrik tried to take a photo of the scoreboard before it changed again. James also took his phone out.

“Hey Jendrik,” he called. He beckoned his friend over and made room for him to squash into frame as he held the phone aloft. Once all four of them were fully visible and smiling, he took the photo and then sent it to his bandmates. Before long, the social media accounts of each contained a photo of four different men from different countries. All of them looked tired and a little drunk, but joy radiated from them. The caption underneath was the same across the accounts:

 See you all next Eurovision.

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#180-171)

#180: Fernando Tordo -- Tourada (Portugal 1973)

“Entram guizos, chocas e capotes, E mantilhas pretas, Entram espadas, chifres e derrotes, E alguns poetas, Entram bravos, cravos e dichotes, Porque tudo mais são tretas,”

“Bells, cowbells and capes are coming in, And black mantillas Swords, big horns and defeats are coming in And some poets Brave people, carnations and swear words are coming in Because it's a wheeze at most”

Despite the title ("tourada" translates to bullfight in Portuguese), it's actually a portrait of a revolution in the making. The lyrics were so clever that the censors at the RTP didn’t notice these lyrics were reflecting the current regime.

That’s enough for a 250 appearance for me, but there’s more that makes the song so memorable.

The build with the brass and percussion sets the stage for something important to happen. Sometimes, I do forget I like this song, but listening to it like right now is an experience, like one entering the battlefield.

The last line, "And the intelligent man says that songs are over..." still amuses me, though it's quite cynical in that the intellectuals would eventually not believe in the movement.

Personal ranking: 5th/17 Actual ranking: 10th/17 in Luxembourg

#179: France Gall -- Poupée de cire, poupée de son (Luxembourg 1965)

“Suis-je meilleure, suis-je pire qu’une poupée de salon? Je vois la vie en rose bonbon Poupée de cire, poupée de son”

“Am I better, am I worse than a fashion doll? I see life through bright rosy-tinted glasses Wax doll, sawdust doll”

One of the game-changing songs of Eurovision, in that the general mood shifts from slow-tempo songs to a little bit of pop. The first ten contests had their share of good songs, but seem to blur into each other at points. Afterwards, the song quality rose, and they were better suited to the times.

Beyond the happy orchestral sound is something quite sad—a pretty girl who sings songs without experiencing what they mean. Gainsbourg was quite the songwriter, but it led to a falling out between him and France later on, because of the double meanings of the songs he wrote for her.

The drama related to France Gall and the contest didn't stop there. Kathy Kirby, the runner-up that year, slapped France when she won. Then her boyfriend broke up with her shortly after, and wrote a song that would be the basis of "My Way".

Quite interesting I must say, though I don’t come back to this song often.

Personal and actual ranking: 1st/18 in Naples

#178: Ajda Pekkan -- Petr'oil (Turkey 1980)

"Öyle gururlusun gidemem yanına Girmişsin kim bilir kaç aşığın kanına Dolardan, marktan başka laf çıkmaz dilinden Neler, neler çekiyorum senin elinden"

"You are so proud, I can’t come close to you I wonder who else suffers from your love You speak of nothing but dollars and marks I am so suffering because of you"

My 1980 winner is not only quite groovy and seductive, but also clever.

The 1970s had two major oil crises--one in 1973, and another in 1979. The first one was when OPEC withheld their oil from countries who supported Israel during the Yom Kippur, and the second one when oil production stopped during the Iranian Revolution, resulting in higher prices per barrel. Both resulted in low supply and increased gas prices in the United States; those who grew up during the era were less likely to drive as a result.

Petr'oil takes this issue and anthromorphizes it, as Ajda sings about the troubles of relying oil as a resource and as a partner. The belly-dance music also emphasizes the tension. combined with the percussion and strings on this piece.

While Ajda has since distanced herself from the song, I embrace it in all its charms. Plus it was heavily underrated in its year.

Personal ranking: 1st/19 Actual ranking: 15th/19 in Den Haag

Final Impressions on 1980: This year stands out a bit, for it had a number of songs dealing with a huge number of topics (including Belgium's "Euro-Vision", which made the contest go meta, haha). Alongside it, the production was a bit bare-bones, because of the Netherlands hosting it four years earlier, but it featured quirks such as a representative announcing their country's song, Morocco competing for the only time, and a steel band for the interval!

#177: The Allisons -- Are you sure? (United Kingdom 1961)

“Are you sure you won’t be sorry? Comes tomorrow, you won’t want me Back again to hold you tightly?”

The lyrics are quite smug, in that the Allisons warn the girl who plans to break up with them she might be sorry and alone. Not unlike with "If I Were Sorry", though there's a bit more charm and teasing towards their soon-to-be ex-, whereas the latter feels a bit more arrogant.

That said, it’s upbeat and almost lines up to the musical scene at the time (comparisons to Buddy Holly are not uncommon), and the musical run time just goes by so quickly (in comparison to other entries of the same era)! It's just a breeze.

Personal ranking: 1st/16 Actual ranking: 2nd/16 in Cannes

#176: Vicky Leandros: L'amour est bleu (Luxembourg 1967)

“Bleu, bleu, l'amour est bleu, Berce mon cœur, mon cœur amoureux, Bleu, bleu, l'amour est bleu, Bleu comme le ciel qui joue dans tes yeux.”

“Blue, blue, love is blue, Cradle my heart, my loving heart Blue, blue, love is blue Blue like the sky which play in your eyes."”

I think I first heard this in the intro to Eurovision 2006's semi-final. While the harp motif stood out, I didn't know where it came from. It was until when I watched the contest this song was in, which is strange because it was notable for having a Paul Mauriat cover which became a hit.

One of many classics which featured in 1960s contests, I like the innocence shown through the lyrics, which uses color and imagery to tell about the different cycles of love. The orchestration along the bridge was especially spectacular, as it provided a cinematic feel towards . Vicky’s accent sometimes gets in the way, but she sings this well and should’ve gotten a podium position.

Personal ranking: 2nd/17 Actual ranking: 4th/17 in Vienna

#175: Kaija -- Ullu joy Hullu yö (Finland 1991)

"En edes halunnut sua omistaa En edes leikisti rakastaa Kaksi kulkijaa yhteen osuttiin Yksi yhteinen hetki jaettiin"

"I didn’t even want to own you I didn’t even want to love you We two travellers came across each other Shared one common moment together"

While I was watching Eurovision 1991, I liked the mysterious verses of Hullu yo, but I found the chorus a bit off, because it was punchier and more energetic. It also had that "minor-verse/major chorus" thing going on, which also made me uneasy with the song. With a few listens, I grew to like a bit more, because of its unique sound. It definitely sounds better with the studio cut versus the live, which shows off the failures of RAI's orchestra.

Another thing about the song, beyond its lyrics about a one-night-stand turned into longing feelings, was the choice choreography. Playing out the turmoiled relationship, it's funny to see how provocative it is, and that's after Toto's hilarious pronunciation of the song.

Elements of the live performance aside, it's still a jam which deserved better. Maybe it would've done so in the televote era.

Personal ranking: 7th/22 Actual ranking: 20th/22 in Rome

#174: Francoise Hardy -- L'amour s'en va (Monaco 1963)

“Si ce n’est toi Ce sera moi qui m’en irai L’amour s’en va Et nous n’y pourrons rien changer"

"If it isn’t you It will be me who will go away Love goes away And we can’t change anything about that"

I was happily surprised hearing this for the first time. It was very melancholic, with an interesting structure between the verses and the chorus. The percussion also helps with the latter, and adds a bit of character to the song.

The fact Francoise wrote this classic gem also warmed me up more to the song, especially because she was from the ye-ye generation of singers (which are known for being young and upbeat). Yet she stands and sings her own composition in a serious, almost bored tone, without taking the substance of the song away

(That being said, I really need to listen to more of her songs; I've found a couple a month ago, though there's obviously more...)

Personal ranking: 2nd/16 Actual ranking: 5th/16 in London

#173: ABBA -- Waterloo (Sweden 1974)

“The history book on the shelf is always repeating itself...”

You don’t need me to tell about this, do you? It’s fun and timeless pop, with some cool costumes to boot.

For more interesting stuff for both, the song Waterloo was an actual risk for the contest--they actually had another song for consideration, the folk-influenced Hasta Manana, but turned to this instead. And it worked, of course!

For the clothes, ABBA apparently chose these glam-rock inspired costumes because in Sweden, one wouldn't have to pay additional fees if the costumes won't be used for normal wear. Both Anni-frid and Agnetha look great, nevertheless.

And as of the moment, my favorite ABBA song is "Knowing Me, Knowing You". Despite the poppy tone, it has a moody vibe throughout, and one knows the relationship is going to end on a bad note.

Personal ranking: 2nd/17 Actual ranking: 1st/17 in Brighton

#172: Gigliola Cinquetti -- Si (Italy 1974)

“Sì, dolcemente dissi sì, Per provare un'emozione, Che non ho avuto mai,”

“Yes, I softly said yes, To feel an emotion That I've never had before”

My friend told me an interesting story about the lyrics—whereas the song Gigliola won with tells of a girl waiting to grow older to find true love, Si talks of the girl growing up and taking the plunge. So she interprets Si as a sequel of sorts.

So why does this beat Waterloo, in my opinion?

I like how the song starts—quietly, but with an interesting guitar part. The instrumentation builds well towards the "Si...", at which it gently but certainly blooms towards Gigliola's certainty on going with the man she loves.

The interesting part of it was how the song was censored in Italy because it was seen as "subliminal messaging" for a campaign on a divorce referendum that May. "Si" sounds like an endorsement for the "no" campaign, as it embraces being in love, even if it requires the death of another relationship.

Personal ranking: 1st/17 Actual ranking: 2nd/17 in Brighton

Final Impressions on 1974: Definitely one of the most memorable years in the contest, if only for who won. The rest was a tale of two halves, with the first half being particularly good, and the other half bad (except for Si, as you can tell). And there were Wombles in the interval act, hehe.

#171: Eugent Bushpepa -- Mall (Albania 2018)

“Lot i patharë ndriçojë këtë natë Sonte kumbo prej shpirtit pa fjalë Vetëm një çast dhimbja të më ndalë”

“Lingering tear, light up this night Find your way out, to soothe my soul Just for one day make this pain subside”

Aren’t the lyrics to this so beautiful? They convey Eugent’s desire to be with his loved one so well, in both its pain and beauty.

The music really helps too--while the pre-vamped version was a whole minute longer, it also has a rockier edge to it. The revamped version cuts it down and cleans up the production, but it's still maintains the overall feel throughout.

Eugent is also a talented talented singer, which proved initial odds wrong and got Albania one of its best results! The bridge between the second verse and chorus has a great chord progression (which was given more space in the revamp), and he deserved qualification for that alone. And those high notes.

(Also, he's probably the best dressed guy of his year...good job Eugent, good job.)

Personal ranking: 7th/43 Actual ranking: 11th/26 GF in Lisbon

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Eurovision 2021 final thoughts

Well.....it’s over.

It feels great, but also kinda weird to be done with it. I mean, it took an extra year to get here! But I’d say it was worth the wait....

Holy CRAP this year was good. Oh my god, this was SO much fun to watch! The presentation, voting, and especially the songs were unbelievably strong! It made me so happy that my bad luck in the semifinals didn’t even let me down all that much, so that’s a good sign. XD

I haven’t shared this before, cuz I didn’t wanna be a downer, but.....there was a part of me that was worried. Even after listening to and loving the majority of the entries, I was still worried that, when the show started, there’d be some kind of big tell that....this wasn’t a “normal” Eurovision. Something that would bring my enjoyment of the show down to a level where....I-I’d only be able to say “at least it took place, but it wasn’t as strong as usual”. That small, pessimistic part of me that was so hurt by last year that it’d become cynical, and scared of getting hopes up.....but I hid it. I love this contest so much that....bringing down the mood for my fellow fans wouldn’t be cool at all.

And thankfully.....I came out of this with a big smile on my face like normal. I enjoyed this year just as much as previous years! In terms of the songs alone, I’d seriously call this one of my favorite years, probably just behind 2016 (my favorite year). The fact that I don’t just agree with the winner, but I LOVE the winner, was definitely the icing on the cake! But the presentation was also outstanding! It really feels like everything was put into this contest to make it as enjoyable as possible with the limitations they were given. The interval acts were great, especially getting to see so many of the winners again! The rooftop concerts in the final were a lot of fun. But, as good as everything in the final was.....When the first semifinal started, and I saw that there was a crowd, coupled with the song that Duncan sang, I legit thought I was gonna cry. That’s definitely gonna stick with me in the future when I think of the most memorable moments of watching Eurovision. I could seriously go on and on about how much I enjoyed watching this....so I will!

Oh god the voting. OH GOD THE VOTING. Tense as always, and I loved it! No clear favorite, the juries making decisions the televoters didn’t agree with, a plethora of different countries getting twelves, and an ending that proved my predictions wrong in the best way possible. It was the BEST way to end the contest, and a very good example of why I’m really loving having the jury vote and televote separated....cuz you never know what’ll happen until the very! Last! Moment!

Seriously, that moment of Finland’s televoting result making them in the lead for a brief period was AWESOME. And then it was Ukraine, and then it was Italy, and I was thinking “oh god slow down, my poor heart-” And yeah, there were SO many great songs and great performances that it really did feel like a close race! 

Even rewatching it was exhilarating! Rewatching it also made me appreciate things that I didn’t before (due to being, well....too caught up in the moment). Like, the wide range of music genres in the top five! I hope this inspires more diversity in future years! I mean, you got Italy bringing us rock (which, by the way, never dies), you got France bringing us a classic waltz, you got Switzerland bringing us a powerful modern ballad, you got Iceland bringing us disco, and you got Ukraine bringing us.....well, a friend of mine called it “folktronica”, and yeah, I don’t think there’s a word that describes them better. XD

Not only that, but there’s one more interesting thing about this top five! Can you guess what it is?

......

......Yeah, only one of them’s in English! Imagine that, entries that DON’T have to be in English to become big hits! Seriously, I’m American and even I know that having understandable lyrics is really more of a nice bonus in Eurovision. What’s most important is having a song that sounds good. And if a song sounds best in another language, you don’t have to translate it for the contest! (Especially if it results in obvious ESL that loses the song’s original meaning, but that thankfully hasn’t happened often) Don’t be afraid to send songs in your native language! I hope people learn from this...

(But then again, this has happened before.....In 2007, the winning song wasn’t in English, runner-up was in multiple languages and third place was also not in English, so....I’m probably putting too much emphasis on this, s-sorry >.<)

But enough about the top five, let’s look at the full results:

I’ll say it again.....this is my favorite winner since “Heroes”. I love the Italian entry, and I’m very happy that they proved me wrong. I didn’t think they could do it. Not only is it a rock song, which isn’t to everyone’s tastes....but it’s from Italy, who seemed to be cursed to never win even while sending fan-favorites year after year. Two second places (oneofwhichwasunserved*cough*2011*cough*butIdigress), one third place that also won the televote that year, and one very, very robbed sixth place. I thought this was gonna be another one of those cases where Italy get screwed somehow by other, more popular songs. But I still absolutely loved the song and rooted for it anyway, and......lo and behold, here we are. A rock song won Eurovision. A rock song in Italian. And it’s awesome, and I couldn’t be happier! To be specific, they were my fourth favorite in the final, but they were my favorite of the possible winners, so it still feels like the best case scenario! Woo!

Having the runner-up also from the Big Five is kinda surreal, since save for Italy they’re usually all underrated due to not having to pass through a semifinal (with exceptions like Germany 2018 and Spain 2012 and 2014). That’s a cool way of looking at this, since.....I’m sorry, but I never got the hype behind France’s song.....It was well-performed, but.....I just find it kinda boring, save for the ending. I-I feel bad that I couldn’t make myself love it, cuz I wanted to, but I just....couldn’t. I guess it’s a case of me being too stupid to get it, pffffff. But I don’t dislike it, so I’m fine with it being the runner-up.

Switzerland won the jury vote and achieved their highest placement since.....*looks it up*....1993, geez.....AKA, their highest placement since I started watching. XD This is FAR from my favorite entry of theirs, but I still like it fine and I’m happy to see Switzerland do well. It was a powerful song. And, unlike other jury-pleasers like the Austrian entry in 2018 and the Macedonian entry in 2019, they actually got a triple-digit score from the televote! They were loved all around! The same goes for France, so....that makes the most obvious “jury bait”, uh....Portugal, I guess. XD

Iceland came fourth, and.....can I just say how bad I feel for those guys? From having a potential win snatched from under them by last year’s cancellation, to one of them getting Covid the day before their semifinal, making them the only act that couldn’t perform live, it felt like Iceland couldn’t catch a break. But thankfully, due to their very strong rehearsals, they were able to rise above it and come fourth PURELY based on the strength of their song. Heck YEAH, what a beautiful ending to this story. They weren’t one of my personal favorites, but it was still a very cute song, and it DESERVES its placing just so much.

Ukraine’s song was one that only got better and better for me over time, and it was also the favorite song of a friend of mine, so seeing them in the top five makes me happy too! That’s a FUN song, and it’s near universally loved, so I wasn’t too surprised. I did guess that it had a chance at pulling off the win, but the competition was too strong. In a weaker year, they probably would’ve done it.

I’m really happy to say this next one: Finland came sixth! WOOOOOO! Their first top ten result since Lordi’s win and awwwww MAN do they deserve it. Such an awesome, intense song! It was my favorite song in the final, and I wasn’t alone! They brought the roof off the place, and for good dang reason! Seeing Finland do so well after being so underrated for so long.....it makes me very happy to see that happen. Especially with a song as amazing as “Dark Side”. It’s now a permanent part of my playlist, and I love it. <3 Empire of the freaks, all drinks on ME!

(I stand by the fact that Finland should just keep sending rock songs to Eurovision. They’re clearly very good at making those)

Now, Malta coming seventh.....hmmm....I have some problems with this? I mean, pre-contest favorites not doing as well as predicted HAS happened before (oh, hello 2017), but that doesn’t mean I’m not a little surprised? I really do think they deserved to do a bit better.....I thought that was a top five-worthy song and performance.....I’m happy with the top five we got, but I didn’t think Iceland and Ukraine would place over Malta! Destiny had one of the best voices of the show! If I had to guess, it was because they performed so early? Or maybe people just overhyped the heck out of it and it got old. I dunno. Seventh is still good for Malta. So yeah, it’s not bad, just a bit surprising.

Lithuania in eighth, I pretty much called. I knew that was a top ten song. Still couldn’t beat LT United’s record though, pfffffff.....Guess Lithuania have to try even harder to do that. XD Russia was another one I knew would be in the top ten. Their song had a very strong message that sticks with you. Lithuania and Russia may not have been favorites of mine, but I can’t complain with their results at all.

And finally, rounding out the top ten is my second-favorite, Greece, tied with Bulgaria! I’m more than happy with this result for Greece - I would’ve liked to see them do a BIT better, but a top ten finish is a top ten finish, and the competition was really strong. Their entry was still fantastic! A powerful song I can’t get enough of AND the best staging of the year. You can’t say Greece didn’t try their hardest!

As for Bulgaria....not complaining. It was a fan-favorite for a while, but for me, it was a song that I loved the lyrics to, but not much else. I did think it’d do a bit better purely because of how relatable the lyrics were, but with this competition? This was the best they were gonna get. XD A slow song in a sea of high energy-performances. Makes it stand out, but not necessarily be what people wanna hear.

The same is true for Portugal, who had the other slower song. THIS was the “jury bait”. XD Seeing how many points the jury gave them compared to the televote....wasn’t all that surprising. It’s not a bad song at all. It’s actually pretty good. And twelfth is a good result for Portugal. I think they can be happy with that. “Jury bait” isn’t a bad thing at all, cuz I’ve liked plenty of songs that’ve had similar results (I’ve even loved a couple of them)

Moldova were a surprise for me. I honestly expected them to place toward the bottom. Their entry was fun, sure, but I didn’t think it....stood out all that much? I feel like it was missing something staging-wise. Moldova’s entries usually have really creative staging, so yeah, maybe I just felt a bit let down. But the song’s good. It just....was a party song in a sea of them. XD

Now Sweden, on the other hand.....I’m actually not surprised THAT much. Yeah, I did at first predict that it’d finish in the top ten, cuz....well, it’s Sweden, and the song was good and seemed to be popular. But after the first semifinal, reading comments and posts from fans really made me realize just how many people....don’t like “Voices”? It’s been called generic a lot, and.....well, I don’t agree. I think it’s a very good song. But I’m just one person and yeah, seeing the popular opinion of it just drop like that made me change my mind on calling it a top ten song. XD Not gonna act like seeing Sweden on the right side of the board (even at the top of it) isn’t still a bit weird, though....

Serbia, I thought would do better. I thought they’d be higher than Moldova at least. That was a big crowd-pleaser and a great hype song. I didn’t think it’d be a front-runner or anything, but I did think it’d be on the left side of the board. I can’t even say that it being in Serbian held it back, cuz this year proves that non-English songs can and will be fan-favorites. So.....I dunno what happened there.

After Serbia are two other party songs, Cyprus and Israel. I have nothing really to say about Israel. I thought they’d do about this well. And Cyprus, I’m kinda bummed didn’t do better, since it was a GREAT performance - it was enough to win me over, when it was a very hit-and-miss song for me before the contest - but going first when already there were a lot of party songs to compete with probably did them in. Oh, and the people who think parts of the song are annoying, like......I did for a while.....ahem. >__>

Then we come to Norway.....who were my third-favorite. At first, I was kinda....OK, very surprised at how they did, especially when it came to the juries. But after learning that they were only five points away from not qualifying for the final.....I’m just happy they were there. I’m happy I got to hear that song in the final. It’s obviously not to everyone’s tastes, so I shouldn’t have expected it to do well. I was just a bit hopeful. As it is, I love the song, and it’s currently one of my go-to songs to sing to myself. XD (Also, TIX is an icon)

Belgium getting only three points from the televote was painful, since I did like their entry a lot......but I can’t act like I didn’t at least kinda see it coming. Even though I liked them, I was still surprised they even made it to the final. XD With such strong competition, a band just standing there and singing a downbeat song? Yeah, this was as good as they were gonna do. Still a very cool song, but standing out was always gonna be an issue for them. They also performed really early on, so that probably didn’t help.

Azerbaijan....oh Azerbaijan.....how did they do you like that. Seriously, down in twentieth? What are they doing in twentieth!? They were one of the best of the upbeat songs! They stood out! I’d put them above Cyprus and Israel easily! I don’t understand that.....I do understand Albania though. They were pretty much doomed. Barely qualified for the final, and then stuck in second position. Ouch. Kinda unfortunate, since I actually like Albania’s song a bit more now after hearing it live....

I really, really, REALLY wanted San Marino to do better. I was HOPING they’d do better. They were clearly trying really hard this year. The little country that could, pffff....And if you ask me, “Adrenalina” is probably the most solid song they’ve ever sent (I say this as someone who loves “Spirit Of The Night”, for the record), so I thought it deserved to give them their best result ever. But....nah. It did worse than “Say Na Na Na” because....I dunno.....Serhat funny? That’s all I got....seriously, it’s unfortunate. The dream should’ve done better than the meme. XD

And we finally come to the flops.....the four countries that got nul from the televote, all automatic qualifiers. Seriously, why did FOUR countries get nul? At least three were saved by the juries, but if you ask me, it was still unfair.....

The Netherlands are the one I easily have the hardest time understanding. Germany, while I found their song funny, I can easily see why people would find it annoying (I DID think the televote would like them MORE than the juries though?), and I was not expecting them to do well, because it didn’t seem like they were trying to do well. They were just having fun. Spain, well.....a good singer does not a good entry make. It’s the Eurovision SONG Contest, not Singer Contest. If the song fails to stand out, you’re doomed. I was impressed by their performance, but it’s still just a ballad. It’s sad when you know the story behind it, though....And with the UK, it was a party song in a sea of party songs. It had TOUGH competition.

But....the Netherlands? Why the CRAP didn’t they get points from the televote? While not one of my absolute favorites, that was a darn good song and a great live performance. What happened? I don’t understand! There was nothing else that sounded like that! It was unique and sounded great, wh- my brain hurts....

On the UK getting nul overall though, I do have some complaints. Sure, it failed to stand out, but to score nothing? A bit unfair, isn’t it? I mean, there was nothing wrong with the song or the performance at all! It was the most fun song the UK have sent in years! I liked hearing a fun song from them! And c’mon, they’ve sent a lot worse before and still got points. “Still In Love With You” got points. That was debatably a joke song. “Love Will Set You Free” got points. That was a boring ballad. Heck, even flipping “That Sounds Good To Me” - it came last, but it at least got SOME points! And that song was CRAP.

Now, thankfully, I didn’t love this song nearly as much as I loved “Bigger Than Us”, so I’m not super salty about it or anything. I’m not gonna rant about the UK coming last again. I’m just.....a bit baffled by the nul. Geez, UK, who did you piss off? Eh, it’s not the end of the world or anything.....and I’ve been through good songs getting nul before (....”Black Smoke”....forever confused TT__TT)

It does make me a bit....hesitant....to track down the BBC commentary for this show. I usually love watching it that way, and it’s my preferred way to rewatch Eurovisions. And usually, Graham is a really good sport about the UK’s poor results (even when coming in last like 2010), but....how’d he handle a nul? XD I hope he didn’t overly praise the song....

So......yeah, that’s about it! I’ve missed rambling about Eurovision, and now.....it’s over! It was a good year, and I had a great time. It truly was a ride. Here’s hoping next year in Italy will be just as fun.

Until next year!

[unibrowzz]

Mod (finally) reviews all 67 winners of the Eurovision Song Contest Part VII (FINALE)- The 2010s

And we’re on the home stretch! Just 10 songs left now.

The 2010s stands as the only decade I watched live and the only decade I haven’t yet rewatched, mainly because I have no interest to. I’ve already seen the contest anyway, if a song didn’t stick with me then, it probably won’t now.

Also prepare for some hotter than usual takes, mostly down to the 10s contests being the most well known due to recency bias. I can say whatever the Hell I want about older contests and what songs I despise from there, but one non-positive comment about Euphoria and suddenly about five butthurt anons appear in my inbox telling me why I’m wrong.

But without further ado, let’s finish these off!

2010: Satellite

Country: Germany

Artist: Lena Meyer-Landrut

Language: English

Thoughts: I used to defend this song a lot, for some reason. I used to get super defensive when people dismissed it as a cheap lazy pop song that shouldn’t have won over (insert song here, but let’s be real here, 99% of the time it’s Turkey's equally cheap lazy emo rock song) and that it robbed so many better entries, blah blah, you know the drill. And I think it’s because it was the first winner I saw as I started properly watching in 2010, so I didn’t want to shit all over the winner that introduced me to the contest. Or maybe it’s that it makes me really nostalgic, or something to that effect. But, dear God, why did I? It’s so… not worth it. I appreciate it for being a much less instrumental-heavy winner, with its skippy, snappy beat and bouncing vocals which sound closer to plain talking than actual singing, but… How many times were the lyrics ran through GoogleTranslate before they were finalised? What’s with the janky, overexaggerated fake-English accent? Why does the singer look embarrassed to be a part of this? Why was this written?  And how the FUCK did it win? It’s so weird and awkward to listen to. It’s the song equivalent of trying to make small talk with that one classmate you never talk to because they’re shy and boring. It’s like listening to an old person laugh half-heartedly at their not-that-funny old person joke. It’s canned laughter in a mediocre sitcom. It’s just an awkward, painful to listen to song that’s made all the more painful by the fact that Germany has sent much better songs that easily could have replaced this as their one post-reunification winner.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Spain- Daniel Diges- “Algo Pequeñito”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 60th

2011: Running Scared 

Country: Azerbaijan

Artist: Ell and Niki 

Language: English

Thoughts: Look, this one isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. Doesn’t mean it’s good, or that I find it particularly good, but the worst winner of all time? Goodness no, it doesn't even come remotely close. What we have here is a mildly pleasant ballad duet song with a distinctive sad-boyband vibe. Like you can definitely hear the “X-Factor winner’s first cover song” energy just radiating off it from the first few lines. I suppose you could argue that that does make it feel a bit clinical and like it’s trying too hard to be a big hit, but come on, it’s not like this is the first winner like that. The singing is alright; better than half the singing that won in the 2000s anyway, and the male singer especially has a nice voice. The lyrics aren’t exactly poetry, sure, but again, other winners have terrible lyrics as well and don’t receive nearly as much hate as this one does. And… that’s it. Why all the hate? No idea, but I can only assume the people who declare this song to be the worst winner ever haven’t heard anything that won before 2010.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Denmark- A Friend in London- “New Tomorrow”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 42nd

2012: Euphoria

Country: Sweden

Artist: Loreen

Language: English

Thoughts: Ugh. Listen. This is not a bad song. It’s decent, middle of the table, listenable, marketable, well sung, well performed, well shot. I must stress, this is not a bad song. But the best Eurovision song of all time? Absolutely not. Euphoria is one of the few winners I would describe as “overrated”, and that isn’t a term I use lightly (since it’s overused as Hell), because frankly, I don’t see what people see in this song. Hell, I forgot it completely until the 2012 voting, and further still until mid 2013 when a friend said he liked it. This song left that little of an impression on me that I completely forgot everything about it for a solid year.  And considering how many fans regard this to be one of the best, if not the best song to ever come out of the contest... that baffles me, I just can’t wrap my head around why so many people hold this song up on a pedestal and worship it like it was dropped from the hands of God himself. And I'm not sure if it's because this just isn't a genre I care about, or if it's because this was WAY back when I was a casual fan who didn't follow any of the songs or artists so didn't know who'd be the favourite going in like I do now, and therefore didn’t know to keep an ear out for this one. Or maybe you have to be piss drunk and at a nightclub to really feel the impact of this song. This song triggers absolutely no response from me other than “Oh, a Eurovision song”. I feel no emotion towards it aside from complete indifference. I can’t deny that this song made an impact, it just… didn’t make an impact on me.

Is this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what is? Spain- Pastora Soler- “Quedate Conmigo”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 40th

2013: Only Teardrops

Country: Denmark

Artist: Emmelie de Forest

Language: English

Thoughts: Let me ask you a question: What do you get when you sandwich an otherwise decent pop song between two of the most iconic and recognizable winners of the decade? You get this. Only Teardrops is a weird, weird winner to me. On one hand, the fandom acts like it might as well not exist, you go straight from Euphoria to Rise Like a Phoenix, who cares about that filler song which came between them. On the other hand, I know a lot of people who really like it, yet all of them are either very casual fans or not fans at all. So this makes me feel like this song’s main weakness is that it’s too mainstream, at least for Eurovision fans. What are my thoughts? It depends. For one, I enjoy this song a LOT more than Euphoria; I always have done and I’m not ashamed or afraid to admit that. I find this song has a lot more personal appeal, particularly a much bigger finale in my opinion, and being surrounded by people who like this song has admittedly kept me fond of it. BUT, I still wouldn’t necessarily call it a favourite of mine. Maybe a favourite of the 2010s, but not overall. At the end of the day, it’s a little too generic, a little too normal, a little too like every other song you’d hear on the radio. It’s not really a song I find myself coming back to again and again and loving every time, it’s the song I stick on to shut my family up when they want to listen to Eurovision music and I’m too shy to show them the songs I actually really like. It's just a decent song that's unfortunate enough to be stuck in between two more iconic winners, doomed to be little more than the answer in a pub quiz question.  And even though I do prefer this one to some of those icons, and don’t really have anything else to say about it, it’s just enjoyable yet kind of bland.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or Iceland

If no, what is? Iceland- Eyþór Gunnlaugsson- “Ég á Líf”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 16th

2014: Rise Like a Phoenix

Country: Austria

Artist: Conchita Wurst

Language: English

Thoughts: Ah yes, the man who made the entire continent of Europe collectively forget what a drag queen is. What a shitshow that night was. But I'm not here to talk about that, I'm here to rate/say some things about the song, and honestly? This is arguably the most vocally impressive winner from the 2010s. Seriously, there’s nothing I can fault here; this guy’s got some serious pipes. Every time I go back to it I just end up blown away by how powerful and raw this song is. And obviously good vocals alone can’t carry a song forever, otherwise I would’ve had nicer things to say about the early 70s and mid 90s, but with this song the vocals go hand-in-hand with the gimmick. Without the powerful vocals this would just be a knockoff Bond theme sung by a drag queen with a beard, like it’d just be another sensationalist gimmick song to throw onto the pile with all the other gimmick songs. But with the good singing, this has the distinction that it’s a gimmick entry that still had every right to win because the singer was actually competent. Also unlike the 70s winners this one actually has strong emotions tied to it rather than it just being a bunch of pretty French words, so there’s that.

Is this my personal winner for this year? This or the Netherlands tbh

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 17th

2015: Heroes

Country: Sweden

Artist: Måns Zelmerlöw 

Language: English 

Thoughts: Fun fact: I was so bitter this won that I stormed off before the voting was done and cried in my room over it. I hated everything about this song: I hated how Sweden won just three years after their last win, I hated how the staging was just BEGGING people to vote for it, and I ESPECIALLY hated how it beat out the televote favourite because the juries were too busy wanking off to this one to care about anything else. I just despised everything about this song, and it turned me into an obnoxious jury-hater for a solid year.  And yes, I'm extremely embarrassed of all that because honestly this song is fantastic. I would go as far to say it's my favourite Swedish winner, maybe not one of my favourite Swedish entries but definitely my favourite winner of theirs. Everything about this is just so appealing to me, from the brooding intro and vocals, to the lyrics, to the staging, my GOD the staging! It’s one of the best performances of the contest to date; It's impressive without being tacky or try-hard, he interacts with his background, and that little doodle boy character he’s created is adorable. I just love this performance, it’s so mesmerising.

Was this my personal winner for this year? Not then, is now

If no, what was? Then? Serbia- Bojana Stamenov- “Beauty Never Lies”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 11th

2016: 1944

Country: Ukraine

Artist: Jamala

Language: English, some Crimean words

Thoughts: I mean… it’s good until she starts singing. Now I am by all means not an advocate for bringing back the old language rule, but songs like this sure as Hell make me one. This should have been left entirely in Crimean. Simple as that. The English lyrics are bloody awful, no way to sugarcoat it, and absolutely annihilate the potential this song is otherwise seething with, because the instrumental to this song is fantastic and the chorus and climax give me goosebumps. The performance at the contest was chilling as well; a perfect blend of both simple yet flashy staging to set up a really uneasy atmosphere that compliments the song perfectly but, God, the lyrics are bad, man, especially for such a serious song about a personal topic.  That said, it's still the only song in the 2016 top 3 that seemed winner-worthy, unlike Australia's obvious Jurybait and Russia's obvious Telebait. So… it has that. 

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? France- Amir Haddad- “J’ai Cherché”

Personal ranking (out of 67): 57th

2017: Amar Pelos Dois 

Country: Portugal 

Artist: Salvador Sobral 

Language: Portuguese (Translation: “Both of us”)

Thoughts: I still question why it took Portugal until 20-fucking-17 to even reach the top five, but that's a rant for another day.  Not that this is a rant, far from it. Anybody who knows me knows that I love this song after all, and that it’s one of the few winners I remain rather defensive of, though that’s mostly down to the amount of hate this song and its singer receive.  I will defend Sal and his hot takes on pop music until I die. Now I’ll admit, this song surprised me in more ways than one. Namely by actually winning the televote; given how this song has split opinions clean down the board as to whether it’s spine-tinglingly beautiful or soul-crushingly boring, I was expecting it to come mid-table in the televote whilst some other country swiped first. Yet somehow it managed to stomp the televote just as hard as it stomped the jury vote. I guess I wasn’t the only person this struck a chord with after all. Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks this is a perfect dance song? Like it’s great for ballroom, or contemporary. It’s so dreamy and flowy, and I usually HATE dreamy flowy songs, yet this one just resonates with me for some reason and I’m not sure why.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Yes

If no, what is? N/A

Personal ranking (out of 67): 4th

2018: Toy

Country: Israel

Artist: Netta Barzilai

Language: English, some chicken noises, cringe

Thoughts: And here we have another case for bringing back the language rule, because if this song had a Hebrew version I would 100% listen to it more often. When I heard Israel was sending an, ahem, "feminist anthem" about the #MeToo trend on twitter, my first reaction was "ew". When I heard it was the favourite to win, my reaction was also "ew". And when I heard the song for the first time? "Hm, not as bad as I thought."  And also "ew". This song is just embarrassing. I’m embarrassed listening to it, I’m embarrassed watching it, and I’m embarrassed when someone mentions it when I’m trying to convince them Eurovision actually has good music. You can just tell from the first few lines that it was written by middle aged men trying to shill themselves out to gullible young women who think listening to a song by some Israeli DJ “empowers” them.  And let’s be honest here: “empowering” is just media speak for “shit”. The only thing stopping me from putting it at the VERY bottom is the instrumental and performance because without the cringy lyrics you’re left with a pretty good club song, and I swear to God Netta Barzilai could sell herself sneezing for 3 minutes. If “Toy” had been entirely in Hebrew I would’ve given it a pass, and maybe a cheeky vote or two.  But, alas, that was not to be.

Was this my personal winner for this year? No

If no, what was? Italy- Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro- “Non mi Avete fatto Niente”

Personal ranking (out of 67):  64th

2019: Arcade

Country: The Netherlands

Artist: Duncan Laurence

Language: English

Thoughts: You know, in my 9 or so years watching the contest, I don’t think I’ve ever felt genuinely ecstatic watching a song win. Most of the time I either feel neutral (most of them) or a more general, content kind of happy (2014 and 2017). Like I’ve never let out a shout of joy and slid on my knees across my living room floor in sheer, blind happiness. But that’s what I did with “Arcade”. I’m not really sure why that is because, I must confess, it wasn’t my personal winner of the night, and, looking back, I preferred other songs, but… God, I just can’t explain how overwhelmingly happy I was when this song won. I’m not sure if it’s because I was alone or if I was rooting for this deep down (or if it’s because it was between this song or fuckin’ Sweden again). But that’s by the by. How’s the song? Honestly? Really good. One of my favourites of this decade, if I’m honest. It’s the kind of song that’s grown on me a lot since the night of the contest; even though it wasn’t my favourite song from 2019, I’m not mad at all at it winning.

Is this my personal winner for this year? Honestly I had about 10

If no, what is? I could list them if you want

Personal ranking (out of 67):  6th