#but what if im lying to myself and i dont need it and i regret it - what if i regret not getting it now with the 100 gift card promo

[ceolocunt]

[domsaysstuff]

Trying to be vulnerable sucks, like how one does it if it's not after 10 pm in your best friend car in the lidl's parking lot?

[paiges-1vur]

from across the crowd pt. 2… and as always enjoy loves <3 🏀⚡️🪩

“you probably have a boyfriend.. right?”

I heard what she had said, but it was like the words didn’t register in my head for another minute. i blush for a moment, and look down before looking back at her, smiling. “no..” I say giggling slightly. why am i acting this way? Tiff lock in. she seems genuinely surprised, but before surprise another emotion crosses her face that i cant decode. “a beautiful girl like you must have a boyfriend, though” she says in total surprise. she must think im lying. “no.. no boyfriend haha” I say trying to calm my nerves. why am i so worked up right now?

“well im sure your ex boyfriends regret ever leaving you, or letting you leave” she says, flattering me. i tense up for a moment. how do i put this? “ive.. never uh- had a boyfriend” i say shyly, slightly embarrassed. i can tell my cheeks are red, but i cant do anything to hide it. “no way..” she says quietly matching my volume. she pauses before speaking again. a smirk spans over her face and she puts her hands in the pockets of her sweats. my eyes flicker down to them for a minute. my breath catches in my throat. im suddenly brought back to reality by u the sound of paiges voice, louder this time. “did you hear me?” i look up to see paige a little closer than before, hovering over me. a smirk that can only be described as devilish on her face. shit. she saw me. “uhm, im so sorry, what did you say?” i say hurriedly, my face even redder than before. nice going tiff way to be nonchalant. “dont worry about it” is all she says in reply.

she looks back down, into my eyes. “whats your name, pretty?” she asks me intently, looking down at me. “my name is tiffany but my friends just call me tiff” i reply, proud of myself that i didnt forget my name. “tiffany,” paige says it again. “even your name is cute huh” i cant help but blush and look away from her for a moment.

theres silence for a minute. but not necessarily awkward silence. just us co existing with each other. i decide to say ‘fuck it’ and be bold. when is the next time im ever going to talk to a hot basketball player, who by the way seems to be very into me. i break the silence. “paige, if you want to know anything, just ask me” i say in a low voice. i could tell something was puzzling her. she knew i had never dated a guy, so im sure she was wondering if im into guys at all.. she looks down at me, her voice dropping an octave. she moves a little closer to me, and we are still in the tunnel towards the locker room so its just us still there at this point. she leans into my ear, and whispers “so no boyfriends.. hm” i can smell her scent even stronger than from her sweatshirt and it’s intoxicating. my eyes flutter closed, breathing her in. she pauses for a moment and i can hear her breathing, “no..” i reply my voice breaking slightly. just when i think shes about to question me farther she leans away from my ear. “just wanted to make sure i heard you right.” she says smirking at me.

she then reaches down next to her and grabs her bag. she puts it on and grabs her glasses, also putting those on too. i secretly hope this moment never ends. “so, will you be out celebrating the win at teds tonight?” i speak up and ask. her eyes flicker to me, still in her hoodie and she smiles. “will i see you there..?” she asks looking at me. gosh. how is she even more sexy with her glasses on. “i guess so” i reply, biting my lip.

she looks me up and down one more time. i can tell seeing me in her hoodie is making her think of a lot of different scenarios right now. “i need to go find my friends,” i finally speak, “but it was really great to meet you paige… i guess i’ll see you tonight.” I say smiling, trying to process everything that just happened in the last 20 minutes. she smiles back at me “here, let me walk you out” she walks over to me. we walk out of the stadium and i look over and up at her. she really is big. my croatian genes may have made me a lethal face card, but in the height department they lacked. heavily.

I spot my friends car and stop walking, before looking at paige. this was a sight. she had pulled on pj pants after the game and had her keys hanging out of her pocket. she had also pulled the hair from her ponytail into a messy bun. i also never would have guessed that paige had glasses. but then again, i had only known the girl for less than an hour. i move closer to her and pull her into a hug. “it was so nice talking to you, ill see you tonight paige.” i say, making sure the hug stays somewhat friendly. she bends down to hug me, and her scent floods my senses once again. “bye tiff, ill see you tonight love” I walk over to the car before really thinking about what she said. before i get into the passengers seat of the car i look back at paige. shes standing with her hands in the pockets, and her stance looks quite intimidating. as soon as she sees me get into the car safely she turned around and walked to her car.

i sit down in the passenger’s seat of madisens car. i buckle up before i look up to see everyones eyes on me. their mouths are wide open and theres silence.

“what?” silence.

“TIFFANY KAY TELL US WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK JUST HAPPENED”

[sovksluv]

GTYU2K - static chapter 1

✰ . pairing - ex!Luke Castellan x italian!fem!singer!reader smau

✰ . summary - dating an ex-frat boy was definitely not the best idea, but now that you’re only a girl he used to know, you’re making tons of money off him and his lying, cheating ass, iykwim 😉

✰ . includes - badassness, italian singer but no specified race, cussing probably, sad luke because he regrets what he did

✰ . series taglist - @sluttysammyy

✰ . pjo taglist - @perseus-jackass @niktwazny303 @st4rzl7

✰ . now playing - GTYU2K by Alexis Munroe

✰ . a/n - im not really sure how artists like talk about their new albums and stuff so taylor swift is my inspo!! also PLEASE if you haven’t, GO LISTEN TO Alexis Munroe (aka princessbri) ALSO!!! pictures do NOT depict the reader!!

✰ . series masterlist

y/ny/ln u make me sick

view all comments

larueclarisse FUUUUCK HIM !!! U DONT NEED HIM 🫶🏽❤️‍🔥

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ridding myself of allllll the bullshit

ׂ╰┈➤ user09 ATE

missbeauregard soooo excited !!! and so proud of you lovie 💕💕

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln ilyyyy mwah mwah 💋💋

seaweedbrainbaddie um where’s my photo creds 🤨🤨🤨🤞🤞

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie yes

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln no

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie YES

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln FINE. 📸 creds to @seaweedbrainbaddie (stupid name btw)

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie thank you and FUCK YOU

ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th LANGUAGE.

view more

pipesqueak drop the album alreadyyy!! i’m dying waiting 😫

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln coming soon i promise ml 💋

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak not soon enough :(

iamchris_h can’t let bro know i fw this 😣

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse don’t even know why ur friends w such a loser

ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h we all make mistakes guys

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse his dad definitely did 🥱

ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard CLARISSE.

hater77 she’s just obsessed with her ex like if it’s so bad why make a whole album about him LMFAO

ׂ╰┈➤ user54 ur just mad she’s making money and u aren’t 🤣

larueclarisse GIRLS NIGHT ‼️🥂❤️‍🔥 tagged: @y/ny/ln @missbeauregard @pipesqueak

view all comments

pipesqueak i had so much fun !!! 💕💕

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse WE ALL NEED TO GO OUT TOGETHER AGAIN?!?&:8

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak YES !

y/ny/ln holy shit i’m so hung over but at least i look good 🤷‍♀️

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse only Y/n Y/ln can get full on shitfaced and still look good 😫❤️‍🔥

seaweedbrainbaddie omg guys why wasn’t i invited :(((( 💔😖

ׂ╰┈➤ y/ny/ln you’re a boy. it was girls night.

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse you’re like 8??

ׂ╰┈➤ missbeauregard you would probably just complain the whole time

ׂ╰┈➤ pipesqueak you can’t even drink

ׂ╰┈➤ annab3th you’re annoying.

ׂ╰┈➤ seaweedbrainbaddie babe you weren’t even there ??

view more

itslukecastellan she looks so pretty

ׂ╰┈➤ larueclarisse boy gtfo

ׂ╰┈➤ iamchris_h Luke i can’t even defend you anymore 🤦🏽

y/ny/ln just posted a new story

view reply from larueclarisse:

larueclarisse YESSSSS IM SO EXCITED 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽

y/ny/ln my biggest supporter 💕

view reply from missbeauregard:

missbeauregard DISSIN HIM AND MAKING MONEY!!! IM SO PROUD OF YOUUUU

y/ny/ln thank you babyyyyyy <3333

view reply from cast311anbackup:

cast311anbackup i miss you

y/ny/ln leave me aloneeeee how many mf times do i have to block you.

y/ny/ln i’m not the girl that u used 2 know🤷‍♀️

comments turned off

© sovksluv 2024, please do not repost or translate my work!

[floralhuqzz]

Sexual tension (Johnnie Guilbert x fem reader) smut

·:*¨༺ ♱✮♱ ༻¨*:·

Warning: smut, degradation, choking, petnames, virgin reader,, DONT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18🔞

🦇author: the edit thats in this post is not mine,, all credits to crystalcaskle on tiktok!!! :) I also apologize if theres any misspelled words english is not my first language!

♱

I woke up around 7 am when i decided to make myself some breakfast before i start streaming,, ive started youtube 1 year ago, around that time when i met Johnnie. Ive been living with him and Jake for the past 3 months and honestly its been going pretty good.

“whatcha’ making?”

“oh god dont scare me like that!” i slightly punch him in the shoulder

“sorry sorry.. it smells really good” he puts his arm around my shoulder and i blush.. i had a crush on him since when we first met

“you want some pancakes?” i look at him

“yeah, thanks” he pats my head, making my hair look like a mess

“i hate you” i roll my eyes

“you love me” he laughs as he sits down

‘i do..” i thought to myself

i make some coffee and more pancakes as i sit down next to Johnnie.

“are you doing something after?” he asks me while he keeps eating his pancakes

“yeah..i have to stream right now,, but im free afterwards” i smile

“wanna go out?” he finally looks at me,, he looked so beautiful,, his blue beautiful eyes.. his makeup he forgot to take off before bed that somehow still looked good on him.

“yeah..i would love to” i smile a little

i stand up

“i better go now, ill see you in 2 hours johnnie” i smile as i walk to my room

1 hour later*

i started streaming and i decided to react to some videos that my followers sent me,, they were usually sending edits of me or they will even sometimes send me memes. They all kinda supposed i had a crush on Johnnie, i just didn’t want to say anything just yet. They will sometimes send me edits of Johnnie and see my face turning red.

As one of my followers sent me this edit

When i watched that edit i said something that i will be definitely regretting later

“i volunteer..*cough* i mean what?..” i laugh

“WHAT DID SHE SAY” “DID WE HEAR THAT RIGHT?” “SHE JUST SAID I VOLUNTEER” “TELL ME THAT SOMEONE CLIPPED THAT”

“chat you are all crazy” i laughed

after another hour i decided to end the stream as i said my goodbyes

i walk to the living room as i see Johnnie sitting on the couch looking a bit serious

“you okay there?” i chuckle

“i need to talk to you”

oh no.

“yeah what is it?”

“mind explaining me this?” he shows me a clip of my reaction to that one edit on my stream

"oh um." i blush as i look away

"hm?" he stands up and walks towards me "cat got your tongue?"

i didnt say anything. i just stared at the floor

"i asked you something" he puts his hand on my chin

"it- it was just a joke, you know?" i chuckle awkwardly as i felt like i was about to pass out from embarassment

"it didnt seem like a joke to me" he stares at me

"yeah umm..." i start to walk back as he started to walk towards me, almost like trying to intimidate me

"whats wrong?" he smirks

"n-nothing" i finally bump into the wall behind me

"if you wanted to get fucked by me you couldve just said so"

"w-what?"

"dont play dumb"

"i-im no-" he grabs my neck

"lying to me wont get you anywhere" he stares at my shirt as he starts to put his hand inside my shirt

"j-johnnie what are y-" i could literally feel my heart beat racing by the second

"dont tell me you dont want this” he now started to kiss my neck

i felt like i was literally about to pass out from how hot i was in that moment. i couldn’t believe this was actually happening,,

“come here” he picks me up in bride style and sets up on walking to his bedroom,, he opens the door and throws me to his bed as he climbs on top of me

“fuck,, i wanted this for so long..” he starts to take off my shirt,, i felt hot between my legs

he started to kiss my stomach going down my hips. he slowly took off my pants and threw them on the floor

“johnnie wait!” he stops

“whats wrong? did i go too far??” he looks at me worried

“no no…its just that…its my first time..” i blush

“oh…” he smirks “ill make you feel good alright baby?,, you just have to trust me with this okay? can you do that for me?” he caresses my thigh. i nod as he then continued what he was doing earlier. he starts to kiss my chest going down my stomach, and finally reaching down to my panties.

“can i?” he started to kiss my inner thigh

“mhm” i nod

he slowly started to take off my panties as he then began to slowly eat me out. I’ve never in my life had been touched this way by anyone,, and knowing that the first person to take away my virginity was johnnie, it relieved me. i started to whimper as he suddenly started to go faster. his tongue was reaching all the right spots.

“fuck-“ i whimper as i felt him moan, sending vibrations to my core which gave me even more pleasure. i look down as i see him staring at me as he kept eating me out “johnnie fuck i-“ i moan

“come on baby, be a good girl and cum on my face” him calling me a ‘good girl’ sent me shivers down my spine.

“oh god oh god oh god-“ i throw my head back as i came

johnnie looks at me and caresses my thighs once again.

“you did so good baby..” he gets up and starts to kiss me. I see him unbuckling his pants.

“do you want this?” he asks

“yes…yes i do” i was so turned on by now that the only thing i wanted was him..and only him

“you will have to beg for it or ill leave you like this…needy…and you dont want that right princess?” he smirks

“n-no…” fuck he knew what he was doing. He waits for me to continue

“p-please johnnie..” i whimper as he lined himself to my entrance

“you can do better than that..” he looks at me dead in the eyes

“please johnnie i want your dick inside of me..” i beg,, i felt so embarrassed but turned on at the same time

“thats a good girl” he gets inside of my without a warning as i moaned from the sudden feeling

“for how long you’ve wanted this y/n? hm? tell me.” he began to move

“for a l-long time..” i moan, it felt like i was on cloud nine

He started to thrust harder and faster,, i felt like i was about to cum.

“j-johnnie i-im~” i whimpered and he put his hand on my leg and place it on his shoulder for better access which made the feeling 100 times better

“i know baby i know…fuck y-you feel amazing” he thrusted faster, “come on princess cum with me…” he moaned as we both cummed. We started to breath heavily,, with our hair sticking to our foreheads because of the sweat,, messy hair and red face but he still looked beautiful

“youre absolutely gorgeous..” i blush at his sudden comment

“i dont know if this is the right time but…i really like you..” he confesses

“i like you too johnnie…ive liked you for a very long time..” i smile at him as he kisses my forehead and we both fall asleep in each others arms.

[junhannies]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ dont let me lose you | choi taeyang

pairing: choi taeyang × reader

genre: kinda friends to lovers w no obvious confessions, hurt/ comfort, fluff

warning: grammer

wc: 0,8k

summary: you and taeyang had a big fight, maybe the biggest one you two ever had. and now you are on your way to see him even though the horrible weather.

a/n: heyy!! so this is actually a part of a long fic i have been writing for a while. but i looove this episode so i thought to myself why not publish it here as well, enjoyy!!

⟡ fic starts under the cut!

it was raining like hell outside . and you were trying to get to theo’s house as soon as you could. you were already nearly completely wet and freezing.

you had problems with taeyang before. but they were all about meaningless little things. this one was actually different. you had both said stuff you knew you were gonna regret. and you wanted to talk it out with him. you knew you werent gonna stop overthinking this whole thing if you didnt handled it immediately. so here you were standing in front of theo and jiung’s house. you knocked the door and it was immediately opened by jiung who was shocked to see you standing there, completely drenched because of the weather.

“y/n are you crazy? what are you doing here? you are going to be sick” he yelled while he was literally dragging you inside.

“i had to see him jiung” you said.

“i know i know. lets get you changed up so you wont catch a cold” he said with a comforting smile.

“do you have spare clothes? or do you want me to give you-“

“oh i already have some, dont worry” you said while walking through the bathroom. you knew it was gonna rain like hell. but you came anyways.

“just let me change real quick then i will be talking to him”

he nodded while showing the bathroom with one hand. you quickly changed up. you were nervous as hell and even shocked that you werent shaking like crazy right now. you showed all your wet clothes in the bag then left the bathroom.

jiung was already waiting for you in the hallway. “are you feeling nervous?” he asked cutely.

“yeah. i dont even know what im gonna say. i just felt so bad that i took the first train here. i dont know what was i thinking to be honest.”

“you were scared of losing him y/n. thats okay. you need to calm down first. he’s very upset as well. he hasnt left his room since you two had a fight.”

you shook my head in response.

“his room is upstairs” he said. then showed you the way.

“good luck” he whispered. then went back downstairs.

you were so nervous that you were about to faint. you mumbled some shit to give you confidence. then you slowly opened the door and entered the room.

“go away jiung” theo said but it was more like a mumble. he was lying on the bed. you slowly walked over to him and sat on the bed. he probably though you were jiung since he even turned his head to look at you. so you laid down next to him.

“hey taeyang” you said softly. he was shocked to see it was not jiung but you.

“y/n what the hell are you doing here? its raining like crazy out there” he said worriedly while sitting up.

“i had to see you. so i took the first train here” you said. you could already feel your eyes tearing up. but since you didnt want him to see that, you turned your head.

“y/b please dont cry” he said while cupping your cheeks.

“im so sorry, i was acting like a total jerk” he said pullint you close to his chest.

“im sorry too theo. i was being a bitch anyways”

“no, please dont say that” he whined

“ i dont even know why i said that. i got so angry with myself afterwards. and now you are here. you came to see me in this shitty weather and i didnt even text you.”

you sobbed quietly while he was caressing your hair.

“please dont cry y/n. its okay. we are okay, right?”

you shook my head. and he pulled you closer to his chest. you stayed like that for a while.

“can we cuddle and sleep please” you asked.

“of course” he said. then fixed the pillows.

“i care about you too much to lose you in a stupid argument like this. im so sorry for upsetting you”

he then quickly hid his head in the stack of pillows and you laughed at the way he got shy.

“no need to get embarrassed theo” you said ruffling his hair.

“come here” he said pulling you into a tight hug. and you felt the safest you have felt in a while. he was soft and warm. and his arms wrapping you tightly made you believe he wasnt gonna leave you ever.

“taeyang?”

he hummed as a response.

“dont let me lose you, okay?”

“you dont have to worry about such thing” he kissed the top of your head.

“now lets sleep. shall we?”

[asherloki]

supp :) im the person that requested the 12 & 35 prompts a bit ago

ofc u can do fluff and/or dom sherlock omg!

dom!reader is just my pref and idk the prompts were low-key giving beginning of smut to me, but i fr dont mind, u have full creative freedom and u obviously kno more than me bc of ur previous (amazing) writing :)

tysm for considering my request and have a great day/night! <3

My saviour

Bbc Sherlock x reader

Word count:- 3k

Warning:- light smut, but mostly fluff.

Prompt list here !

A/n:- ah finally I'm back! And I hope you like it!

" I'll take it" I said entering detective inspector lestrade's office. He and his whole team was clueless when it came to the mysterious disappearance of Mr Hazelwood. Even though I wasn't the first choice for the case, one can never be, when the greatest detective of the world is inspector's closest acquaintance. Well, acquaintance is past, now he's closest friend. Can you even imagine, the brilliant genius being his friend meant, almost no case for me to solve. I don't even have an assistant, there's definitely less opportunity for me to show I'm capable of solving mysteries too. Maybe not as brilliant as him, the one who stood infront of the inspector as I walked in, he turned to me and I must say, being a detective myself, it always made me like the wise people, and that meant... I fancied the detective, yes the one who's my professional rival.

"you don't understand," lestrade said looking at me, "I want Sherlock to solve it". This stupid comment made my blood boil, again, another oppertunity lost, ofcourse he can't let this interesting case go.

"no, I'm not taking it" I was stunned as Sherlock Holmes stated this, 'why not' I wondered but lestrade said it out loud,

"and why not?"

Sherlock sighed in response and rubbed his forehead with his fingers as if he was disturbed with lestrade constantly urging him to solve a case he doesn't want to, "it's too boring, rather easy for me Gavin".

'Same old genius' I thought as he mis pronounced lestrade's name again, I must say lestrade's frustration made me kinda giggle but I controlled it.

"If it's that easy then solve it" he still requested, almost begged him.

"you must use some of your brain too inspector" replied Sherlock and I agreed, "or" he said turning to me and my heart started to beat faster I could hear it in my ear, "this young lady is willing to take it, give her a chance".

What did I just heard, Sherlock siding me?

"ugh fine" saying so lestrade turned to me, "I assigne you, for the case now I want it to be solved in two weeks".

"TWO WEEKS?" I asked loudly enough for my voice to echo through the office, "isn't it too.. less inspector?" I asked as calmly as I could, you have to when you're still struggling to get known.

"yes, it's easy as Sherlock said, solve it, and if you need help I bet he can, he's already solved it in his fucking mind palace". I see where the anger was coming from, it was inspector being frustrated by the rejection of Mr brilliant.

"here you go" said Sherlock as he was about to pass by me, I wanted to thank him, or say something sweet infact nice but me being me, I regretted what I said, "scared?"

He raised his brows at my comment, I deserved it, then shaking his head he said, "we'll see how you solve it in two weeks without my help young lady".

I squinted my eyes at his challenge. But he went out of the office. I took the challenge in my mind, however I was unsure, I knew it's gonna be difficult, but I can't lose. It's my only chance.

_________________________________________

As I checked my progress after one week, I knew I'm gonna lose this challenge terribly. First, I had this rush which messed up my method and second, this Mr brilliant challenging me, that I can't do it on my own. Which was slowly turning out to be true. I got up from my sofa where I was lying and thinking, and grabbed my coat, my intention was to go to spot from where Mr Hazelwood was missing and inspect it thoroughly. So I took the bus, I know, poor little detective and went to the spot. While inspecting I felt someone watching over me. You know the feeling you get when you're being watched. I turned around and there were no one looking at me, yet again there was this feeling,

"told you, you need my help". I was startled as the heavy (sexy) voice said it, from behind. And no wonder I found Mr brilliant standing.

"what are you doing here, it's my case to solve" I knew I should've been a bit nice but it just came out to be very..

"rude" he replied, "very rude, I'm trying to help you".

"and why the fu..."

"gosh, kids these days" he said shaking his head.

"did you just called me a kid?"

"have you seen your height?"

"I'm sorry I'm not as tall as you and that doesn't mean.."

"as me? you're not even tall..AT ALL" his face remained expression less.

"who's being rude now, and how come you found me?"

"tracked your phone."

He said what? "you're spying on me?"

"a little girl, solving mystery on her own and at night, I must take care.."

"why do you care?" I might've said that but in my head I asked, 'you care? about me? why? who am I to you, genius?'.

"nothing," he got frustrated with me I knew, "if you change your mind, then... Baker Street" he pointed to the way he headed off to, leaving me on the street, alone, rather I pushed him away. I didn't want to, but it's me, why do you think I don't have an assistant? I work alone, so I don't look weak. Yet my phone's calendar told me it's one week to go, and if I can't solve.... No no I can and I have to... alone.

________________________________________

And then there left three days, till now I've matched some dots and it confirmed, he wasn't kidnapped, no one conspired against him, so whatever happened to him he was involved. Now this second part of the mystery held lots of troubles, and to solve them in three days was near impossible. My mind kept telling me to reach to him, you know, Mr brilliant. But it was embarrassing, however I had no other way,

"okay, time to throw my self respect" I said to myself gesturing with my hand as if throwing trash bag, "here I come, Sherlock Holmes".

All my way I just wished, "please stay at the flat, please stay at home, please detective" and there I was at his door.

I inhaled a deep breath and tapped my knuckles on his door.

"it's unlocked" replied a different voice, from inside.

'Oh no, John watson is there, I'm fucked' now I had to be embarrassed to both of these men, anyway I have threw my self respect away.

I opened the door and entered, the scene was... well... interesting I believe, John Watson was on his laptop and detective was sitting on his sofa, eyes closed, hands clasped.

"may I?" I asked Dr watson, because he looked a little sane.

"yes" he replied me and turned to Sherlock, "she came".

"who?" he enquired, his deep voice even deeper, eyes still closed and hands still clasped together, touching his chin.

"young lady". Replied John watson and Sherlock's eyes were flung open.

"is that what you call me?" I couldn't help but ask him.

"any problem?" he asked.

"I'm not here to argue with you, I want.." shit! now the embarrassing part, "I need, your help".

"oh I see, Mr Hazelwood?" I nodded, "still on it? wasn't it easy?"

"if it were then why would I ask your help?" he was getting on my nerves I tell you.

"fine sit" he said and I checked around me.

"where?" there wasn't any place near him but a sofa far in the other end of the living room.

"oh there?" I said pointing to it.

"no here" he brought out a rusty chair for me to sit.

"but it's for the clients" objected Dr watson, he's really sane.

"you know what? I'm fine just help me out". I need help from him and nothing else. Well sometimes I think if I could have something else but hey, professionalism.

"yes now let me explain, before that tell me how far you've got". I explained him everything and out of my utter surprise he got up from his sofa to his work board and offered me to sit there. Why's he being so... kind?

"now let me tell you what exactly happened" and he explained it was all Mr Hazelwood's plan, he intentionally disappeared, he's not dead but roaming around disguised.

"woah!" I couldn't help but praise him, it's not like I don't admire him. I do more than that, I respect him and perhaps... I like him a little too, "so how do we catch him?".

"it's not your duty to do so, you give all the evidence and theories to Scotland yard and order them to find him" he suggested.

"order them? me?" I am not very... influencial am I?

"yes, look they insulted you by not respecting your potential, now it's your time".

His motivational speech filled me with self respect again, the one I threw for him.

"yes" I said with such confidence and then I lost it again, "would you come with me... please?" now still cringe at the thought of me actually giving him puppy eyes and pleading but he agreed.

We entered lestrade's office, one day left till the deadline for me and I explained everything to him.

"seems like Sherlock helped you" said sally, stupid bi... no control yourself.

"I didn't, we met at the gate, I came here for the case I'm taking care of" lied the detective, I must admit, his lying skill was pretty good.

"anyway " said lestrade, "if you really did it on your own then.."

It felt so bad, to be taking credit of Sherlock's work, I didn't solve it all, I don't lie, so I,

"Sally is right" I admitted.

"no she isn't " Sherlock warned me.

"she is, she is lestrade. I solved half of it, it was solved by Sherlock Holmes himself. Yes he helped me, but I could've done it on my own, if I had some more time."

They were all silent for some time, I feared looking at Sherlock, he'd be fuming at me by now.

"I guess we were putting unnecessary pressure on you" said the inspector softly, "fine, you'll solve another one for us".

This second chance made my lips curve into a smile and Sherlock approved with a nod.

We both went out of there, and we laughed and talked all our way to his house, why was I going there? I don't know, I kept on walking with him and he never pushed me away. In between he'd often brush hair off my forehead or take my hand while crossing the road. I wonder why, not that I mind though.

We even went straight to his living room and it was awfully quiet.

"where is Dr watson?" I enquired.

"he's out, he messaged me, he's picking Rosie from school". Then he told me everything about john and his daughter, even his deceased wife Mary.

"Mary sounds like a wonderful, brave, strong woman" I replied.

"she was, she was strongest and absolute boss of us" he spoke in way that showed how much he admired her and how much John Watson and Rosie means to him.

"if only I were capable of doing things on my own" I didn't want to say so but it just came out, it sounded sad.

"why not? if you were weak you would've been living with your parents, you have family, house, friends in here yet you chose be on your own, you don't have any assistant, you solve cases by yourself too, how much more strong do you wanna be?" his words felt good didn't they?

"you helped me" I reminded him.

"only this time" accompanied by his beautiful smile.

"if I need help again in solving mystery? will you help me?" I was starting to let my guards down, I may have started to trust him.

"if you want me to, ofcourse" His smile never left his lips but my phone rang and it indicated it was time to leave his flat, for now.

"I have to go" I kind of asked his permission before going.

"if you have to then... be careful okay?" ain't he little too careful for me? I liked it, I like being taken care of, perhaps he's not wrong I really am a kid.

___________________________________

Days turned to months and one case turned to three. I took his help for three cases, call me dumb but I enjoy his company, for some reason I've noticed he does too.

After solving the third one I first went to his flat with him, both of us giggling at the fact that sally was so disappointed that I actually got recognised for my consecutive three wins, ofcourse with Mr brilliant by my side.

"it's late Sherlock, I have to go home" I said checking my watch.

"John's gonna be out tonight he has some patients to take care of, Rosie is with molly, so you can stay here tonight."

He might've said casually but it's HIM saying to ME. I already liked him, after these eight months of solving cases together I think I can say I... I'm in love with him. He's so caring for me, or maybe for all but I liked it.

"will you?" he asked again, popping my thought bubble.

"oh no nothing I was just ... fine I'll stay" I agreed, with my heart in my hand, he might spare his room for me but I wanted something else, a little kiss maybe... I think I fell in love, with the great detective.

"good" and with this he went inside, and came with his dressing gown draped over him, if I were a cat I would've drooled visibly, but I drooled, just no one could see it. He looked incredibly... domestic and it was hot. I just wanted to cuddle him, play with his hair, kiss him... oh! that was hot.

"Sherlock?" I asked.

"yes?" he answered, offering me something. It was a chocolate, I rolled my eyes.

"I'm not a kid" I complaint "I'm a grown up adult in my early twenties."

"I know, but I thought you may like it." well I do like chocolates, so unwrapping it I took a bite. And it was a bad idea told by Mr brilliant's laughter, the chocolate melted and it covered my mouth.

"funny?" I teased.

"very" he said between laughters.

"don't laugh, I bite people" I joked, yet I do have this tendency to bite my close ones,

"oh do you? that's... unique". he replied.

"I'm gonna wash my lips wait" as I got up, I felt his arm catching me by wrist. My heart gave me a signal, it's your chance.

"what?" turning to him I said, I little seductively.

He said nothing but took some of the chocolate from my lips with his finger and put it in his mouth, licking his finger clean.

My senses went wild. I stood frozen.

"you know what?" he asked me, and my mind told me, 'say something, don't look dumb'.

"wh-what?" I said.

"I've always wanted you this close. Never knew if I'd ever have you. I'm.." he trailed off " you're young and beautiful, I'm just an old detective"

'youre anything but old, actually even if you are older than me, I like it, I love it, you're older and sexier, caring as well" I thought.

"I just wanted to make sure you're taken care of. and I..." he trailed off.

"say it" I wanted to hear the words he couldn't let himself speak.

"I love you, with all my heart, have always loved you, and will always do, I sometimes went to Scotland yard casually for maybe to get a glimpse of you, coming to the office, smiling, all jolly, like a ray of sunshine " his lips curved into a smile reminiscing it perhaps, "since the day your eyes fell on me I have loved you, for who you are, you never had to be anything you're not, I love for all the things you are and all the things you're not, I'd see you noticing me too and you're disgust was clear".

"Sherlock" I started, "it wasn't disgust, a pretence, so you don't find out I like you too, infact now I can say I love you and not for your intelligence I admire that but I love you for being a good human to me, I can see, you love me, you care, you protect and you even adore me."

"you know?" he was surprised, "well then, I'm glad, may I kiss you?"

I nodded, and he crashed his lips on mine, letting the kiss go hungrier until he pulled away and asked,

"should we? you want to? with me?"

I understood what he meant,

"yes, I do"

"I'm not that experienced" he replied.

"neither am I"

we giggled at our lesser experience, we both are so engulfed into mystery solving that sex or love barely crossed our mind. I know not how he pulled me and I wrapped my legs around his waist, but we did and we went to his room kissing still.

One can say I was nervous and I knew so was he but he didn't seem so. The way he marked my neck and the way his fingers worked the buttons of my shirt. I was all red being naked infront of him but it melted as he put off his shirt too, I couldn't help but run my hand all over his chest, bringing him closer to me.

"bite me" he ordered.

"I thought you'd never ask" with a smirk I pecked his bottom lip, his moan said he liked it. That hour of him being inside of me was wonderful. He was sweet, gentle, he knew I was absolutely inexperienced. And my first time turned out to be the beautiful one. "I can stay like this forever" I said in between whimpers.

"I wouldn't mind" he replied, fastening his pace and us reaching our climax together. As we layed down on his bed I kept on thinking about how he said he loved me, and he always will.

"what's the matter?" he asked seeing me lost in my thoughts. I knew he cannot actually let himself love someone, maybe it was a moment of weakness for him, but if only he knew it was more than that for me. It was not just sex for me, I made love with him.

“You’re all talk. Why don’t you show me what you really mean?”

I said getting up a little aggressively. He looked confused at my behaviour.

"But It was the truth, why do you think I'd help you, care for you, love you?"

I think he does have a point.

"and sex never amazed me, I don't bother about it, and my past experience was no strings attached kind of sex but now..." he trailed off, "now after you came, I resisted as long as I could the urge to kiss your pretty face, because I know what people could think, that the great detective found a young girl to sleep with, the young lady detective slept with Sherlock Holmes to get recognised, that's why I never opened up about it". His eyes were teary and so were mine, he cared about me as much as he cared about himself.

"if I say" I spoke, "I don't care, and that I love you, I want to be with you Sherlock, then?"

Sherlock came a little closer to me, trying hard not to cry, "then you're gonna get me as your assistant all my life."

Saying this he hugged me and we both cried, tears of joy I'd like to think. But since then I moved in with him, and john and Rosie, I love this family and our parents may have thought this marriage is a little... never mind, they accepted, the age gap wasn't a barrier at all. And we lived happily ever after.

[violetwitch12087]

When you're walking down the street to go home you bump into something or someone a silver headed mutant and when you guys become best friends and you go over to his house his mom loves you and as you're about to beat his high score on his arcade game he tries to stop you but you have an idea..

Clumsy

I walk down the street my backpack on my back going home from school when suddenly i bump into something i fall and land on my butt but my hands cushioned my fall i look up too see a silver headed actually really cute boy

He has dimples you can barley see when hes not smiling perfect lips a silver jacket a pink Floyd shirt and black jeans i thought i was the clumsy one it was almost like he appeared out of no where well maybe hes a mutant since his hair is literally silver

We look at each other for a moment before he quickly stands up and puts a hand out for me which i gladly take "sorry for running into you" he says and i shrug my shoulders a bit "its whatever at least you aren't a asshole" i say and he smiles his dimples more defiant

"And at least you didnt use your backpack to hit me a whole bunch of times" he says and a laugh escapes my lips and he looks down at my lips almost thinking of something but i just met him i dont wanna push him already "you're really pretty" he mutters out regret filling his face after but a blush just appears on my cheeks making butterflies in my stomach erupt

"Thank you" i mutter softly and nervously if theres one thing i hate about myself is my anxiety and nervousness i clear my throat trying to look more confident and put my hand out "my names y/n" i say and i see his eyes light up a bit "peter" he says taking my hand in his, his hand engulfing mine thats so attractive holy shit

I shake his hand our handshake lasting longer then it shouldve but im not complaining "can i uh maybe have your number? If you dont wanna give me it its fine I've gone through that before and stuff you know like really its fine" peter starts rambling and i laugh again softly before i grab his phone and put my number in it putting my name and a heart next to it

I pass the phone back to him and he looks down at the contact almost in disbelief before he looks back at me a smile going back on his face "thanks" he says and i nod softly "text me later handsome" i say before i breeze past him my arm touching his before i start walking home thinking of peter the entire time when i finally get home i put my backpack down and change before flopping onto my bed and i feel a vibration from my pocket i pull out my phone and see a random number texted me and i open it

'hey sweetheart its peter or should i say handsome?' he teases making me blush even more damn it i barley met him and i get butterflies when i even so much as think about him 'oh yeah? Okay babe i need to go to bed ill text you tomorrow?' i send and wait a moment before he responds 'yeah text me when you're free my love' he says and i squeal covering my face with my hands we barley met what the fuck but he's really cool i mean he listens to pink floyd i think i might really get along with him

I close my eyes pulling the blanket closer to me as i fall asleep peter stuck in my mind all night

______________________

The next day after school i walk down the same path where i met peter i would be lying if i said I didn't hope i saw peter when i feel a gust of wind infront of me i look up and am met with the eyes of speak of the devil, peter.

"Hey sweetheart" he says and i roll my eyes playfully "hey handsome" i say and i see a smile appear on his face "where ya headed off too?" He asks and i shrug "i might actually go to the store i needa pick up some things" i say and he nods "well can i go with you?" He asks and i look up at him before nodding and we start heading to the store

We get to the store and we walk inside going to get bread and milk and just the essentials and all that and before i could walk up to pay and scan my stuff i end up in the blink of an eye in the cart moving fastly for a split second and were outside i look around and see peter pushing the cart "what the hell was that for pete?" I ask and he shrugs a smug grin on his face "well with my mutation lets just say i don't really pay for a lot of stuff i cant resist it" he says "kleptomaniac" i murmur under my breath playfully and he nudges me with his elbow "exactly" he says making me smile

"Okay now i have to walk all the way to my house while holding these bags" i whine resting my hands on the cart and resting my head onto my hands covering my face "who says you alone?" He says and i smile lifting my head up "okay here's how its gonna work you grab the bags and put them on your wrists and hands and stuff and ill carry you to your house" he says and i look at him in disbelief

"What you dont believe me or somethin?" He asks and i shake my head "okay fine grab the bags" he says and i grab them putting my arm through the holes in the bag and peter walks over to me and picks me up bridal style making me squeal "omg peter please dont drop me" i say "im not that weak you know" he says rolling his eyes playfully making me smile "okay lay your head against my chest" he says and i look up at him confused "so you dont get whiplash" he says like it was obvious "oh" i mutter softly and rest the side of my head and face against his chest. Totally not enjoying this

In a flash we end up at the corner of the store and i give peter directions every time we stop and we make it to my house way quicker than if we walked i turn to peter "stay right here i havent said bye yet" i say and he smiles slightly as i go inside and set the bags onto the counter and walk back outside i go over to peter and pull him into a hug which he surprizingly accepts

My arms wrapped around his neck my head on his shoulder his arms wrapped around my waist securely i smile and give peter a peck on the cheek lingering it a bit "thank you handsome" i say softly "no problem sweetheart" he says and we finally pull away from each other despite my body and mind and heart yearning to hold him close to me again "ill text you later" i say and he nods "okay talk to you later" he says and i send him a wink before walking into my house and i start putting groceries away

After a while i end up finishing and i go to bed peter stuck in my mind like everytime

____________________

It has been a couple weeks now maybe a month and a half since me and peter met and started flirting and my feelings for him have sky rocketed i talk to him every day and night i think about him i even have dreams about him

Today i actually dont have school its the weekend and i really wanna see peter i dont know he just makes me so happy and we really get along hes so sweet to me i pick up my phone and press his contact 'hey handsomeee i dont have school today what ya doin?' i text him and wait for an answer which comes quick (pun intended) (get it cs hes fast? No? Okay my bad😭)

'hey sweetheart im really just bored you wanna hang out?' he sends and i smile 'of course i always wanna hang out with my favorite person' i say 'awe ur so sweet ill meet you at the same meet up spot' he says 'okay im heading out now see you in a bit' i send and i turn off my phone before putting it in my pocket and i start heading out the front door

I walk to go down the same trail where me and peter met that day and look around for peter when someone grabs my shoulders from the back and shakes me a bit "boo!" Peter says making me jump "god peter you scared the fuck out of me" i say raising my hand to hit him on his arm he saw this hit from miles away but let my hand come in contact with his arm (cs hes such a sweetheart)(god i love him)

"I had to do it" he says shrugging his shoulders and i roll my eyes playfully "what do you wanna do?" I ask as we start walking "okay dont make this seem weird but do u maybe wanna come over to my place?" He says and i immediately nod "of course i dont mind you're my bestfriend after all" why did i say that no i wanna be more than friends peter god im so stupid

Peter walks behind me making me confused before he bends down and picks me up bridal style again making me smile and i lay my head against his chest again and in a flash were infront of a pretty good looking house and peter slowly sets me down "thank you" i say softly "your welcome" he says smiling at me before we start heading to the front door

He opens it and we walk in "ma im home i have a friend" he yells "im in the kitchen" someone responds im guessing his mom since he called her ma we walk down to the kitchen where im met with a lady with brown almost blond hair in a ponytail to the side she seems sweet hopefully shes as sweet as peter is?

"Hi ms maximoff" i say putting my hand out and the lady seems taken back she smiles and takes my hand in hers "nice to meet you.."

"Y/n" i say "oh nice to meet you y/n you seem like a sweetheart, you and pete a thing or what cause she isnt that bad and i wouldnt mind" she says making a blush appear on my face a small laugh building inside of me "unfortunately me and peter are just friends, even if i wish we were together" i mumble the last part thinking she didnt hear it but oh she did "and she is a sweetheart thats what i call her" peter says and i have to look away to not show myself flustered

"Well me and y/n are gonna hang out downstairs" peter says as were about to start walking when his mom stops me she pulls me close to her and puts her mouth close to my ear "peters been gushing about a girl recently and i heard him say her name and it sounds like yours if you wish you guys were together then maybe go for it you only meet someone once and you seem like you would take care of pete and keep him in line" she says and i nod "and if he does like me i will ill treat him so well ill keep him off your shoulders i know how much energy he could have" i say and she smiles before i head back towards peter and we head down the steps to the house basement guess he lives down here its fine it looks actually kinda cool

"What did my mom say to you" peter asks as i look around and start to walk to a arcade machine peter has wow i want one of these "nothing important" i lie starting a game moving the joystick peter stands up and walks over to me standing next to me watching the screen as well after a couple moments im almost about to beat peters high score when he starts trying to take my hand off the joystick

Without thinking i grab peters collar and pull him close to me and place a quick kiss on his lips making him pause and look at me confused after a second i keep going and then i finally die i excitedly jump up and down "i won! I beat you peter!" I taunt starting to turn towards him when my lower back is pushed into the game peters hands on my waist my arms reach up to wrap around peters neck he looks down at me with doeful eyes

He starts to lean down our lips teasing each other as we barely touch then finally our lips connect we move our lips against one another my hands pulling him impossibly closer by his neck his arms wrap around my waist pulling me flat against him before he lets one arm go and gently puts his hand on my cheek as we kiss softly not wanting to let each other go our lips finally separate and he looks down at me while i look up at him looking into his beautiful brown eyes i dream of

"So uh you have a boyfriend?" He jokes nervously "yeah his names peter" i say before i grab his face with my hands and lay more kisses to his soft lips which he gratefully accepts kissing me back more relaxed and freely than the first time making me smile into the kiss causing him to smile as well

We pull away and i turn back to the game peters arm wraps around my waist as he watches me playing the game i couldnt be happier....

****************

This is the cutest thing I've ever seen omg i love this with my whole heart i love peter so much hes such a sweetheart hes a lover boy god i wish this was real😭 anyways i love you a lot as well you mean so much to me you dont even understand *mwah mwah mwah* bye bye my love

[chakoru]

dream as actual conversations i’ve had w friends (snippets)

ㅤ ㅤ might make this into a series bc i think we’re pretty funny idk tho lmk ur thoughts

includes cuss words :o ㅤ!!ㅤ text format

ㅤㅤ

you: so why am i stuck BABYSITTING jisung again??

jeno: cus he loves u the most :)

haechan: BECAUSE WE ARE TIRED!! haechan: oh haechan: yea bc he loves you😘🥰😜

you: … you: is he actually crazy

jeno: mmm jaemin did say not to let him go in the kitchen jeno: or near the outlets

chenle: that dont’s list should include “don’t touch my FUCKING FOOD” chenle: i take a marker everywhere to mark my shit bc of that stupidass

you: i see you: he's a gremlin. you: except he comes with instructions

chenle: on point comparison. hats off to you

ㅤ

ㅤ

jaemin: i’m gonna stop by the supermarket, anyone want anything?

jisung: COOKIES jisung: please

renjun: could you grab milk? we’re out

haechan: use my number so i can get those rewards 🤑🤑

jaemin: sorry whos that? didn't save ur info yet

haechan: IHY

ㅤ

ㅤ

you: but he’s like 4'11… you: i mean ik im not the tallest either but he’s INCHES below me

chenle: maybe he has a monster pp chenle: 🤷 stay optimistic

ㅤ

ㅤ

jisung: 22 years😵‍💫ago😧😬😦?? jisung: i feel so old 😪

renjun: you weren’t even around then stfu 😭

jisung: i was being manufactured

haechan: y’all were planned? i like to consider myself the second coming of christ🙏 haechan: a happy miracle

mark: ur mom said she cried when she saw you for the first time

haechan: i'm that amazing. tears of joy

mark: **tears of regret

ㅤ

ㅤ

haechan: that lying bitch

jeno: what the dog do 😟

haechan: NO y/n, that bitch

renjun: watch ur mouth

you: aw ilyt renjunie

renjun: ??? no my mom saw the notifications. she said stop swearing😇

heachan: hello????? back to me bc i NEED to rant

jeno: i think i wanna be a power ranger for halloween jeno: would my ass look okay tho

jaemin: juicy as always

chenle: can't beat marks tho

mark: amen

[twinkletfout]

❥SET HER UP ——

prt.2

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ

What was it that you heard? A bet? Or were you imagining things? You reached home past 12, thanks to your parents out of town for some days. They didn't ask you why you were so late. Of course you couldn't tell them about the fact that you almost lost your virginity to a guy who you thought were head over heels for you. You knew your mom had called you a million times but you decided to call her in the morning. Then you gradually thought about how you rushed out of the bar after those words slipped out of his lips

“W—What did you just say?” You were quick to snap at him, still with a bit of pleasure and desire for him to keep going. But you knew better

His grip on your chin tightened before he reached down and meeting your eye level, closing in on you before he said “such a good fucking bet” a smirk grew on his face as he said.

Slapping his hand away, you stood up and after you put your clothes on and rushed outside the bar. You could hear a faint voice calling out your name but it faded as you kept on walking, never looking back.

Such a fool of you to go and make out with a guy that you only known for a few days, as you were regretting your life decisions. Your phone suddenly lit up, grabbing it, you saw an unknown number asking if you got home safely. You rolled your eyes before typing.

An Unknown Number

< Did you get home safely?

< Why did you rush out like that?

You

Seriously? >

What was the point anyway? >

An Unknown Number

< What do you mean?

You

Forget it >

Don't you ever text me again. >

An Unknown Number

< At Least let me explain myself.

< I was just bored and I needed to get it off but after getting to know you it completely changed.

< It's the truth.

You

You were bored? >

And you just used me for what? >

To sleep with me? Well, no thank you, im sure there is tons of girls who would like to fuck you but please do not come after me cause im not

interested. >

He took some time before you saw that he was typing again. Whatever it is, you would be lying if you said that you hated him. Before he could hit send, you exited your messages and switched off your phone.

If he had all this time to text he could’ve at least called you. Once. You made up your mind to stay away from relationships and most definitely from Gojo Satoru.

You woke up late the next day, thankfully it was Saturday and you were certainly not ready to face Gojo at uni. You had completely forgotten about the fact that you didn't bother replying to Gojo last night that when you turned on your phone, it was filled with text messages and at least 15 missed calls.

And two voice notes.

"pick up your phone now, Y/n."

"Gosh, Y/n, just listen to me okay? Im fucking sorry, I— I shouldn't have said that. Let's talk again, hm?"

You could sense that he was completely irritated with the whole situation but you didn't bother texting him back.

a/n: girl when did i even write this, dont know if i will even finish thi shi💀

[finnleyandsillys]

I really need to speak about a certain someone on this platform. Someone I regret calling friend and trying to find a just answer to why they did these things. I specifically want the people related or close to this person to DNI.

I'm going through something right now as of real life and this is something I feel I have to bring attention to know.

One of my Ex mutuals was online stalking and admitted it openly. The person they had done this too was an adult on the platform they had a platonic crush over of which they chased after this person and talked to them constantly. They're a minor. They got drunk and texted them. Made them uncomfortable and proceeded to lie about being other people and friends of themselves to talk to the person and apologize after multiple statements of wanting them to go away. They made multiple accounts to stalk the person but they were all blocked shortly after being made.

I don't think the victim of this would like to be known- nor the person who did these things. But they know who they are and I don't want people asking me why I chose to disconnect permanently from this person. I'm not calling them out… because honestly they call themselves out enough.

But with the stalking, lying, and manipulation, I cant see myself being friends. So if you are close to the person I am talking about please unfollow or block me, or might be and don't know who im talking please dm me to ask.

And too them :

If you feel like making shit about putting yourself down for something that was your fault- dont victimize yourself. You know what you did, you have to live with the consequences. It's a mental decision to do what you did.

Go to an asylum you sick monster.

[metamorphiacreations]

I honestly don't know if I should even say this- was the meta you posted about you not being a good person just a vent that didn't need a response? Or maybe you wanted a response? Or is it expected to give a response? Or is it not?

I have no idea, so you can choose to ignore this and delete it. I've never spoken to you and I definitely don't know you so this may be wildly accurate and is sure as hell uncalled for even?? But

The fact that you do know it and you're conscious of it and you regret it makes me feel like you're not a bad person either. You do things in the moment that you regret later, but the fact that you regret it makes me feel like you're at least trying to not let old patterns repeat themselves. You communicate as well, which is great

Just? If you are doing little things to try and prevent it and aren't giving yourself any credit for it- hey, maybe allow yourself to be at least a little happy with that progress

You said you say you're getting better but you really don't know- and imo that's okay as long as you're trying and there's even a small change. Old habits take a long time to break and honestly I applaud you for being honest with yourself

You do sincerely apologise, and that's good. I don't know what actions you've taken in the past so I can't ask you to stop beating yourself up- but just in case, don't beat yourself up aghdjakdksksk

You seem like a cool person, and your posts have made me happy when I was having a bad day, and it's not much, but your post kind of struck me

It'll be fine, you'll be fine. You're not a bad person <3

Hello Anon friend!

Now i will start by saying that it very well might have been the 1am talking but it was less a vent and more. a confession. not really out of like "i hate myself, im so shitty and im lying to people because im so horrible" but somewhere along the lines of "im not as great as everyone thinks i am and it makes me feel bad" i made it a post because i felt if i said all that to my partner or a group chat id get a lot of "no no no youre a good person, youre amazing!"

(not calling my friends ass kissers or anything, i know they mean well but i didnt want to hear anything that my brain would process as pity)

i hold a very specific view of good vs bad and i dont feel like i live up to my own standard of what a good person is...if that makes sense akfhdj but yeah i didnt outright say not to respond so its nbd.

i thank you, Anon. i think because you are a third, separated party so to speak, this did feel less like pity and my brain actually read for what it is haha.

i will try. be happy with the progress and all that i mean. thats all i can do isnt it? just try. i dont think the Meta thats talking to you rn is a good person but i thank you for reaching out. and im glad im good enough to make content that makes you happy

[9990zara]

vent because i had a terribly stressful day under the cut for your convinience

it all started as soon as i opened my eyes LMAO i missed my alarm and i had to leave even earlier than the ass crack of dawn because of some bullshit. said bullshit is that my parent's car broke down (mood) so my oldest brother lent us one of his, but we had to drive him to work (because of more bullshit im too lazy to explain rn). so we had to drive 30km to pick him up. then like 10 km more to drive him to work. surprisingly the last 10km were the problem, as the morning traffic jam was in full force. usually i intentionally leave a lot of leeway in the morning so i dont stress out but guess what!! fridays are the day i have my only 100%-attendance-or-you-fail, outside-of-campus-so-we-use-the-bus, touch-grass-for-REAL-knowledge 8:30 class!!!!!!! so i couldn't be even a minute late or the bus would leave without me!!!! and i, a complete FOOL, miscalculated and told myself i would just take the bus on the way back from my brother's work. well my dad just had to go through the worst street in the fucking city so that i regretted all my life choices ^^ i ended up making it just as the bus was leaving, but i took like 75 emotional damage lmaoo.

class went surprisingly fine all things considered, including the fact that i HATE this course but i need it to graduate. it involves a lot of tracking through the mud, using all things pesticide and chemical, and rabbits eating last week's work. but my uni friend is delightful and her presence is like a balm, so i powered through. normally when this class is over i go straight home, but today my dad asked my middle brother and i to go look at cars with him, so downtown i went. we had a tasty but too-big-for-me lunch so i was happy but sleepy and with a tummy ache. when my arm started acting up for no reason at all, forcing me to take meds to Feel Normal. great! chronic pain is such a delight you know!!

looking at cars wasnt too bad, but we had to wait for my dad's friend, so we did a bunch of things, among those drop off my middle brother at uni, pick up my mom and my oldest brother. all nice and cool until my dad's friend decided to not show up, and my mom and oldest brother were so thoroughly stressed out for some work matters they did not elaborate on that their presence turned the air acidic. we went to drop off my oldest brother, and then spent like 40 minutes there as i tried to convince my mom to go because my middle brother was waiting for us. also my nephew is sick and it's never nice to see him like that, he's a lot like me at his age (constantly sick and fussy).

after we managed to leave and go pick uo my brother to finally go home (day started at 6am, its 6:30pm at this point) we go in only to find it stinky and messy because my oldest brother's dog (who we have been looking after. and he still hasn't picked up for some reason???) got into the cat litter to eat cat poop. because she likes to eat poop for some reason!! so its cleaning time. and my middle brother tried to push his ONLY chore (feed the dogs) on me who was doing my own chores LMAO.

so now im lying down for the first time today. its currently 8:20. i have to go wash my clothes, clean my bedroom, pack a bag because i have a forced trip this weekend, eat dinner, convince my groupmates to work on our graded assignment so i can do mine, have dinner, study a little maybe, and sleep early because of the trip. yay!!!!1!!1!1!1!!

[lifeoflustandwonder]

Currently

Im currently in two minds

The first mind says congratulations girl, you made it, you did it. You made it to a New country you werent ready for and you absolutely smashed it out the park. You've got a job, a house, a bank account (harder to set up as an international then it sounds), a few friends and even secured a situationship (more on this later, thats a promise). Look at how far you've come, look at all you've achieved. January 2023 you could never.

My second mind says jesus, you're homesick. You're struggling so much more than you are showing, but thats also okay. You're emotionally all over the place with being uncomfortable where you are at the moment. You're uncomfortable with the way this man is treating you, yet you continue to let him do so because you dont know how else to get that affection at the moment. You just need a hug, or a breakdown, or patience until you can get back to where you really want to be. Maybe all 3. You're craving love, in any shape or form. And you're not getting it, and thats making you emotional.

But you're not homesick for home, you're homesick for where you were before. Your new home. Your new home you've had to leave quickly due to legalities, you've left the weather, your job, your house, your friends, your perfect little life you were living.

But maybe this change has been for the best.

This is what I keep trying to tell myself. This change has been the best thing I couldve possibly asked for right now. Maybe I deserved to be grounded. Maybe I deserved the confidnce knock when the hairdresser took too my hair and cut off so much I didnt want to leave the house for two weeks. Is this what growth it? And no, I don't mean with my hair. Maybe this is what my growth is supposed to be, showing that even through so much emotional turmoil I can keep going. Even though at every waking moment I want to scream and cry, beg someone to take me back to where I belong right now because right now im not actually living. I am just here.

I don't feel present, I feel like I am floating.

This is only temporary, and these feelings will only be temporary. But this is the hardest and realiest temporary I have ever had to deal with and it is ruining me. I feel like a mess in front of my friends and they arent even in front of me. Messaging them all the time about how sad I am, I am so sporadic on my responses too them they probably can't keep up themselves. They are also dealing with their shit, why would they want to deal with mine too? They don't. But they do, thats what friends as for, and they will continue to step up for me, because I am so worthy of them and they keep proving that to me over and over again, but its just so hard actually beliving it at the moment. That I'm not bothering them. I love them, and they love me, and we all know that about each other, luckily.

But what about this man? This man that is showing me physical affection and not much else? What am I compensating for? I keep asking myself this. Am I letting him use me like this? Maybe I'm looking for that physical attention, and I feel like I'm hoping for something more even though I know there is nothing more too this.

I wonder if I am worthy of being loved like that.

By someone who wants to give me everything of themselves, all at once.

Right now, I am being used. It is that simple. I am aware of it. He knows it too, I think. I also know hes lying too me. 'Im not seeing anyone else' like I was born yesterday. I might be blonde, as he points out all the time, but I'm actually not stupid. God writing that down actually feels all consuming. Like my stomach just yawned open with regret. Why do I let him speak to me like that? Its simple, really. Sex.

The affection, the physical validation. So Yes, ill pay $50 to go to his place because thats what I feel its worth. Maybe thats what I feel I'm worth? God, thats awful isnt it? I know Im worth more than that, and I wish maybe he could see that too. I wish someone could see that.

I want someone else to see my worth. I want someone else to tell me they know what Im worth.

I am craving the validation from other people because I am so sick of giving it to myself. And thats so dumb, right? How can you be tired of giving yourself valdiation and telling yourself how great you are.

I just crave love. sadly love doesnt seem to crave me.

I know that I am looking for love in the wrong places.

I know that I should stop looking for love, because everyone always says that love never comes to you when you look for it. Maybe its true, but I'm like if I don't look, maybe it will miss me.

Im scared of being missed, scared of missing out.

I just want my cushty little life back, where everything was solid and I could build foundations and I could be happy.

Thats not to say that I dont love it here. Its a very beautiful place to be. I guess it would just be better and prettier if I wanted to be here. But I wasnt ready to be here. I am trying to appreciate it, but my experience is tainted. And that is more than okay, I need to keep telling myself that. It is okay that this is not my favorite place, it is okay that I dont want to be here.

[yourghastlycloseness]

feel kind of seen in the video on BPD i was watching: https://youtu.be/6TS4d-zqRFA?feature=shared

i’ve been thinking about my emotional turbulence and lack of emotional regulation. the smallest things make me want to die. i just lose my shit all the time. one cup gets stuck inside another and i burn myself with hot water and hit myself in the face because how stupid must i be to allow something like that to happen? but im high functioning and i set the cup outside in hot water so that it expands and fill the cup inside with iced water so that it contracts and i manage to separate the two cups in the end. im high functioning but the cracks are there. people who see it can feel something’s off. i lose it at objects and at strangers. i try to exercise more control with the people in my life such that talking to people makes me feel like dying because whatever they’re getting isn’t who i am at all. i hate all my friends. i see the good in them. i’d rather be without them. but then what if i die of loneliness? fuck that, if there’s one thing i can take, it’s loneliness. i set up “tests” to see how much people want me in their lives. when they pass, i think they’re lying. when they fail, i think, good riddance. i don’t give a shit what anyone says but then one day im at the grocery store and i catch sight of my awful appearance in the mirror and i think about what that one friend said 20 years ago and how i’m probably the most incompetent person alive and i would shoot myself there and then

the point is i think the doctor misdiagnosed me a few years back with bipolar II. i had suggested to him that what i have is likely BPD, but he insisted that it was a mild bipolar (he did acknowledge that it was possible i had both) and proceeded to prescribe me a whole chunk of meds, some of them in the photo below. another one prescribed me 6 months worth of lexapro and an appointment just as much later bcos i had been in high spirits when i saw him and said i probably recovered—that’s just me talking out of my ass on a “good” day—the next day i crashed and burned and wanted to die again

im sick of the ups and downs. it’s exhausting

another therapist i had said a diagnosis. but im here watching all this content and while im by no means qualified to self-diagnose, i do think putting a name to what you have (accurately) makes it seem like there’s hope, things can be resolved

if you ever see those demonic possession horror movies, the first thing the priest does is to name the demon or whatever, and from there, they’re able to strategise the exorcism. in those scenes where the exorcism doesn’t go well, it’s usually revealed that the priest or the exorcist named the wrong demon. naming something correctly is so impt

with the ppl who don’t have mental illness, i think they just want me to “get over it”. with the ppl who understand that mental illness might be a thing, they think just going to a doctor or a therapist magically cures everything. to the mental health professional, i’m just another woman in my 20s crying for help, seeking validation, and riding the waves of the mental health awareness movement. yknow, just being trendy ✨

i don’t want to live anymore because every single fucking thing hurts. nobody cares about me. nobody chooses me. someone talked about watching an animal get killed and then eating it and i just couldn’t stop crying. yet i would probably stab a stranger on the streets with no regrets. it’s not even that i want to kill or hurt someone: i just need confirmation that the world i’m living in is real. maybe get beat up and murdered in prison or executed by law, whatever. put an end to this. i dont know what i feel anymore all i know is that i have no energy for any of it and if i feel anything it’s just false joy, then pain and anger

[sleepingape]

AND TODAY AGAIN I CRIED MYSELF TO SLEEP

I now miss each and every being i know on the earth.....Don't know why at times like this i remember the affection they showed....The place the have given me in their life.....Thank you....Its both helping and not helping.....I am again crying for the same guy whose happy with someone else....But atleast i know i have yall.....20 years of life and all the relations i have made....Thank you for cherishing me and proving my worth for me.....Its foolish of me for not knowing my place and crying for some silly reason.....But even though in future when i look back at myself i will surely laugh at my self for being so childish.....But what to do i just can't stop these tears....In front of yall i can't even tell the real reason as i know u all will feel betrayed....After constant warning and restrictions i went against and now suffering....Ig its all karma....Sorry for lying.....Its not headache but my own mistake.....Yet even a small headache or a heartbreak the way yall treat me heals me.....Dont worry im crying now uselessly but the tears will surely help cleanse my face.....Morning u look at my face glowing and ask how...i will say its all thanks to yall.....Yall give me the motivation to hold myself.....Even thinking about way u treat me makes me feel shameful to cry for that guy... I know its waste crying for him but at the end of the day i know i will have yall even if im loosing him.....So many people cherishing me why should i settle for less.....U were a guest for 4 months why should i lower myself less.....Lucky im covering for you or else u would have faced consequences.....Let me just cry my heart out for i know tomorrow ill be having people backing me always.....Goodbye my strawberries and cigarette....One of my favorite songs sorry i won't be able to hear u forever as u will always remind me of him.....I promise i won't be the same naive girl as i wake up tomorrow....I promise to leave behind all this sorrow......No one affecting my people not even my moods.....To the ones who are always there for me....Maybe parents....Maybe friends...or maybe strangers.....Goodbye to the boy who was such a sweet simp...Calling u a simp cause that was my favorite thing about u.....But now u use that charm to charm others....May u not be happy my me cry like this....And now i feel like putting a curse word in here but i won't....Still remember i wanted you but i don't need you anymore as i have people who think having me is a blessing and will choose me over the whole world....Not like someone treating people like options.....My people make me strong and i hope to be with such kind of people for the rest of my life......To the people who are there for me because its ME.....To the people who are there for me without any other motives.....And to the people who treat me like a princess because they know my worth...i promise to change....I promise to learn to leave behind relations that dint work.....I promise to not try to fix something alone....i promise to not be foolish again.....And i promise to cling less onto someone whose not worthy....I will love and cherish those who love me and cherish me the same way

The song im listening to while i cry and type this whole thing in the memory of him....A special song for now.....10 years later may i see this blog again and laugh off......Thinking this is cringe and just foolish rather than regretting.....

And look at me as i just promised and posted i went again texting him and now i edit this blog as i realize nothing will help me.....How more shameless can i be.....I phone called everyone i know crying and the first thing in the morning as i open my eyes were their calls and msgs.....Look at me having so many people care for me.....I won't in fact i must not need u anymore.....In return u won't have my blessings....In future after 10-15 years after i mature then shall i think of forgiving u for making me cry so much....