#shocker!!! <- this is a pattern

[ceolocunt]

[dawnthread]

what the pattern promised me it'd look like:

what the body, as knitted to gauge and exactly to pattern specs, looked like:

... my man is not beating the weird rat allegations, i'm sorry to say. but that's alright! we can fix him! we have the technology!

[kb11rd]

What if Spider-Man had eight limbs and was absurdly tall and lanky and kinda creepy.

[voltrixz]

how it feels to want to ramble about self ship stuff but too shy about rambling to a friend directly so instead im here rambling indirectly to any of you guys seeing this, hiiiiiiiiii

[pleuvoire]

oh is the little “we get into beef with a new trans woman every month anyway why would anyone ever call us transmisogynists” brigade getting into beef with a trans woman again. what a shocker.

[gettinby]

peyton going thru another rework ? ur goddamn right

[this-doesnt-endd]

Anyways speaking of clothes im always on the hunt for a really thick cardigan to wear at work cause im freezing cold in the summer, winter is hell, and my job doesnt allow anything but cardigans cause we can't have zippers for who the hell knows why and i've come to the conclusion im simply gonna have to make one myself

[101suouexpressions]

Suou, the one who values his words

I know I recently kinda called him a liar in my fic, but despite what people might think, Suou truly never lies.

Harmless jokes

Suou had made quite the entrance with his unique style and the famous "Leo Dicaprio" line.

This, to people who knew he was just bluffing for fun (which was pretty much everyone except our beloved Sakura), was quite the shocker, but in a good way, since it helped bringing across that he was indeed friendly.

Facing inquiries from his peers

Suou's way of dealing with questions he doesn't want to answer resembles his fighting style a lot: Deflecting, and throwing the opponent off-balance.

Deflection here refers to how he diverts the attention to someone/something else, thus avoiding having to elaborate.

For example, after the duels with Shishitouren, Suou redirected his classmates to Nirei so that he didn't have to answer.

And by throwing the opponent off-balance, I mean he asked the question back at the other person, like how he dealt with Sakura here.

This doesn't always work, but it is surely effective against someone who is as easily flustered as Sakura.

However, this means that Suou's natural enemies are people who push for an answer regardless of his effort to drive them away.

Entering: Tsugeura Taiga.

Apparently, Suou really had a hard time fending himself off of pushy people. I'm pretty sure he would just beat it into their heads if they weren't someone he cares about, but Tsugeura was his classmate and although stubborn, the boy meant no harm. This left Suou, in a way, kind of helpless.

Look at his face, he's going though it! (And I'm cackling about it haha)

No matter what, there will always be situations where he couldn't crack a joke to cover up, but instead of lying about it, Suou simply refused to answer.

This can be either just nodding to what they say and calling it a day...

(You can see the pattern here. "Everyone calls me that", "That's what everyone says". He's avoiding having to give a concrete answer.)

...or, smiling mysterously.

When Sakura took notice of Nirei's scrapings and questioned Suou about it, you can see the contrast between Nirei's and Suou's responses here. Nirei had opted to an innocuous lie in hope that Sakura wouldn't push it, while Suou only gave him a secretive smile.

Suou just, does not lie.

I feel like a lot of people don't recognize this trait of him. To be fair, it was only when I was going through my notes of Suou's behaviors that I finally saw the pattern.

So, what do y'all think?

[johnpriceslamb]

charles or Arthur with a coquette gf? like she’s always dressed in the prettiest frills and the girliest beauty products?

₊ ⊹ ೀ RDR boys w/ an extremely feminine gf ౨ৎ

𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐀𝐍

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ it wasn’t much of a shock for all of the camp members to hear that Arthur Morgan was dating [name]. What was a shock, however, was the fact that he was still interested in love and its affairs despite his experience with past lovers.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Arthur enjoys your femininity. Even if you were quite capable of doing things on your own, he’s quick to act on his feet and gently yet demandingly- take the task off your hands. He wouldn’t want his princess getting all dirty now would he? This statement can go with anything, whether it be cutting vegetables, cleaning the stables, etc

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ It makes him feel masculine- moreover the idea of saving a damsel in distress then it being demanding or infantilising, except.. you’re not in distress, and.. you don’t need saving from anything.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Your gentle nature makes him swoon. Even if he may not seem like he’s head over heels, just know this man would quite literally crumble beneath you, had you touched him in a way that’d be considered comforting.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ He adored the way you dress. Pretty, frilly, lacy.. He can’t count how much pink-coloured dresses you’ve worn. When he first met you, he genuinely believed you were some kind of rich city girl with the pretty articles of clothing you always wore. Sometimes, he likes drawing you in your ribbon-tipped dresses and floral patterned tops.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ If you happen to use some of your makeup for anything, hes quietly admiring you. He was raised traditionally, so he’d ask.. why? Simply you’d reply, ‘I like how it looks on me.’ He’d be even more confused. You were always pretty, so.. why.. At this point, he needed to stop thinking. He just wanted to stare at you.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Petnames he’d use for you would include: princess, sugar-plum, or doll. Elaborating for princess; because you look like a princess and you act like one, and for sugar plum- he’d think it’s a good fit since you were as sweet ‘n’ sugar-y as a plum! and for doll, simply because your facial structure reminds him of those porcelain dolls with those huge doe-y eyes.

𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Okay, yeah. The lingering rumours of him and you dating becoming true was a bit of a shocker. The dynamic between you two was a major difference. Even despite through all of this, Charles simply took a liking for you because of your sweet nature and gentleness with animals.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ If you happen to be physically shorter than him, he’d simply smile. He likes the way you could fit in his arms like a teacup kitty. Your weight meant nothing to him, he’s a very- emphasis on very, strong man. Though however, hes a bit reluctant in affection at first, considering it was his first time having a girlfriend, but soon caves in mainly because of your beady eyes looking up at him, practically begging to be squished alive.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ When he first met you, he automatically thought of a baby puppy. Your appearance was too much alike of one, and he just needed to.. squish you. But alas, what made him even more attracted was your gentleness and sweetness as mentioned above.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Even if your looks were over a 10, he would still prefer your personality. It was what drew him to you in the first place. The first time he saw you taking care of Jack- oh boy did something inside of him snap. Your way with children was just too loving and too much for his heart to handle.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ He doesn’t have much to comment about regarding your fashion style. He does think it’s cute though. He has taken quite a liking to the colour pink and ribbons when you entered in his life. If you happen to ask him for some help in regard to the strings of your pink corset needing to be tightened, he’s eager to help. His burly hands pull lightly yet firmly, since he’s a bit nervous in harming you. A gentle giant.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Charles doesn’t really have a comment on your use of beauty products either. What he does know, is that you enjoy it, and if you’re happy? He’s happy. He takes in mind the firm amount of pink-coloured products you use, when you both go to the city he’s quietly at the sidelines buying those products and hoping it doesn’t differ from the ones you were using.

౨ৎ ˖ ࣪⊹ Petnames he’d use would include: sweetheart, darling, pup. Sweetheart- because.. you literally have a sweet-heart and he thought it was very fitting. Darling was blurted out once from his mouth, and he saw how your beady eyes glimmered so he regularly started using the title darling. And finally, pup- it may seem lowkey cringe at first but pls hear me out. As mentioned before, when he thinks of you, he thinks of tiny puppies. Your eyes were alike of one, and you were as clingy as a baby pup too. So.. it was just mandatory to call you pup.

[elliesbff]

hii !! <33 since you asked for requests... i have one! let's say abby and reader have been friends for a while – reader recently got dumped by her girlfriend. her ex complained that she spent too much time with abby, and talked about her a lot... as if she loved abby more than her girlfriend. (shocker!)

abby's there for her best friend, of course. reader was there when abby decided to dump her ex boyfriend months ago, said she didn't feel anything for him anyway... abby has never been with a woman before. and she slowly realizes her feelings towards reader? sjsjdh so sorry if its badly worded !! <3 mwahhhh

a little less blue with you — abby anderson

can we get an amen for anon!!!!

summary: you just went through a messy breakup, and you both realise something about yourselves in the process notes: slightly suggestive, other than that pure fluff !! (and angst?) wc: 4,782 | tags: none

also i send my sincerest of apologies for putting this off for so long. i received this submission MONTHS ago. i’ve tried time and time again to perfect this ever since this was submitted. this is quite a long one, so enjoy !

abby groaned impatiently as her and manny lined up at the canteen. it was the third day in the row where they hadn’t prepared the food on time, it was evident by the masses of angry mumbling and insignificant pokes at the food workers.

“they forget to prep early again today..?” abby scoffs unimpressed, picking at her fingernails with manny close to her side.

“don’t stress hermana, they look pretty busy today..” manny reassures her, unable to come up with a reasonable explanation for the shortage of food staff himself.

a few moments pass and the canteen pulls its protective roller shutters up, and the screech of its metal scraping against the ceiling makes a hoard of hungry soldiers come running.

“what’dya think they’re serving today? bet it’s something instead of burritos, hm?” manny inquires, catching abby’s attention. a bet he says?

“if it’s burritos, you give me half of yours. deal?” she places her hand out, veins cast perfectly against the harsh cool fluorescent lights above them.

manny confidently shakes his head with a cheeky grin on his face, he almost looks too proud of himself — the food hasn’t even rolled out yet.

the line slowly picked up pace, with people quickly snatching rolls of food off the bench in front of them. looks to be…

“burritos again! pay up.” abby chuckles at the look of defeat on manny’s face, he stares at his burrito with a frown, hesitantly ripping it apart like it was worth nothing.

“i should learn to never make bets with you abby, you always win them somehow.” manny playfully rolls his eyes, soon covers with a smile as he immediately digs into his food.

“i’m just that good.” she whispers, almost like it’s a hidden talent that she can’t dare let people know about.

abby and manny talk a bit longer before the topic of you is brought up.

“you hear about their break up? god, it was messy. carmen called it off’a couple days ago out of the blue. pobre chica…” manny mumbles as he continues to maul through his burrito.

it would be concerning if abby wasn't filled in about it. she was the first one you entrusted to tell.

you don't even remember how it started —more so how it ended— you'd just got off from patrol, unwinding in your dorm room when a shy pattern of knocks on your door alerted you.

standing up from your worn couch, you limped over to the front to be greeted by your girlfriend, carmen, when you opened the door.

"hey." she croaks. she looked exhausted despite not having patrol today. it was her day off, what could make her so ridden with fatigue?

you took a closer look at her eyes, they had the most unique pattern; brown on the outer edge, with greens and hazel blending in the middle. they were sunken in, and pinker than what was considered normal.

"you okay?" your hand reaches out, but carmen pulls away. with concern flooding your gut, your hands subconsciously begin picking at each other, ripping your brittle skin off the tip of your fingers. she notices this, but alas, doesn't soothe your nerves like how she usually would.

"we... i want to break up." carmen blurts out, totally knocking the wind right from your throat as you were about to take a deep breath in. where was this coming from? from the look on her face, it seemed like she wanted to lay it on you more gently than she had. with the abruptness of this news, you could feel your mind whir. tears would accumulate from the corners of your eyes as you stared at her, not sure if this was some sick nightmare of yours.

"mm.. what?" you dryly hem, a less than pleasant taste roaming your mouth. she wasn't kidding.

"i've... been thinking about it for a while. i wanted to bring it up earlier, but i couldn't find the right time.." she exhales, the tension from her shoulders somehow releasing as she unloads this onto you without warning.

but why?

"but.. why?" you mutter, attempting to keep your composure even with a trembly throat, dry and empty. your anxieties get the better of you as you stand in front of the love of your life, whom you'd spent so much time with —all of that gone to waste for reasons you didn't even have any knowledge of.

"you know why babe.." your eyes sting at the name. the nerve she has to call you babe when she's come here to break up with you.

you stare at her, at a loss for words as the subtle poke at you flies over your head. the sympathetic look on carmen's face contorts to that of annoyance when you shrug your shoulders cluelessly. she must have been thinking this over a lot more than you expected.

"..it's abby. it always has been." she pokes again, crossing her arms over her chest, her stance straight and sturdy. your palms cover your face to wipe your eyes, confused as to what she's saying. every word she's uttered to you, has sounded like nothing but muffled chatter. your head was ringing with each passing second.

"are you in love with her or something? she's all you fucking talk about." carmen spits, her infuriated tone sparking an anxious fuel in the pit of your stomach.

"carmen, we've talked about this... abby and i are nothing but friends." she wasn't convinced, and by the way her eyes shot daggers through your throat, she'd totally made up her mind on the situation.

"baby, please. i only love you, you know that." you reach your hands out, only to be rejected once more. the old carmen wouldn't think twice about sharing an embrace, for however long. whoever this was that stood at your doorstep, you didn’t know her.

"i see the way you look at her. the way you look at each other." her head drops at the last couple words, with fingernails digging into the flesh of her biceps.

you didn't want to plead, but you couldn't lose her. she was all you knew, her touch, her lips, her presence. it was too much for you to lose. it was too much for you to lose.

"i can't lose you." you sniffle, hands limp by your sides. carmen's head isn't turned to you anymore, her beautiful sun-kissed cheeks tensed as you spoke, like the thought of breathing the same air as you was enough to cause a visceral reaction.

"you already did." she chokes up, a stray tear trickling down her face that you so desperately wanted to kiss and hold next to your own. she lets her arms fall to her sides as she walks away, her speed picking up to no longer let you witness this side of her.

her captivatingly beautiful hair bounced with each step she took, her coils fading into the distance turning past a corner.

your eyes flickered as you stayed perched at your front door, one hand making its way to grip your chest with the other maintaining a painful fistful of your hair. it hurt to admit that what happened truely wasn't just some twisted scenario your mind had created in your sleep. this was real. this felt all too real to be a nightmare. this was a nightmare, but not in the way you would rather experience it.

you slammed the door in a pitiful rage, huffing around your room as you looked for any belongings to gift with your unforgiving wrath. you picked up a porcelain mug, not thinking twice about regret as you swung your arm, smashing it on the floor.

plates, chairs and cushions flew around the room. gifts made by friends, books and non-prohibited patrol gear weren't safe from your suffocating hostility neither.

some more countless, unintelligible screams later, you'd grown void of your initial anger as it slowly morphed into sadness, and pity. you never saw it coming, so you never got the chance to prepare.

as you sat with yourself amidst the chaos of shattered glass and ceramics, a smothering black hole sat alongside you, embracing you when no one else would. it was your only friend in these shallow, unforeseen times. the only soul you'd ever allow to see you in this state, was your friend abby. but she was the reason why carmen broke it off, so seeing her right now would only escalate things.

you needed space, and space was the black hole's speciality. it could give you all the space you needed; create a pit of nothingness for you to float around in and bear silence, or the company of your deafening, endless thoughts, who'd echo the desire of how things could've been different.

how things could've been different.

abby clutched her burrito and the half that manny tore for her in one hand, traveling solemnly down the corridors. it was apparent that she was stricken with worry as she pictured how you were holding up. she'd noticed you hadn't left your room since the breakup; six days and counting. the fact she's been counting the days you've been away has remained hidden for now —manny would never not mention it if he found out.

abby had her fair share of heartbreaks, her most recent one being almost a year ago. she knew the pain, and the grief that followed soon afterward. it was never pretty, nor an easy thing to experience, especially for the first time.

the day after your breakup, you were due for another patrol, yet you never showed for the shift. abby skipped, using the excuse of checking in on you to warrant her own absence. she never expected to see you heaving underneath your blankets and sobbing uncontrollably when walking in. abby immediately fell to your side, pulling you into her arms while asking what was wrong. you both sat there with her sweet words pulling each of your heartstrings as you explained your sorrows.

that was the last she saw of you, and to be honest, it was less than comforting not knowing for certain if you've gotten better. you refused any visitors since the six days you've been absent, even those of your closest friends, even abby. but she wasn't going to give up on you anytime soon. she needed to know how you were holding up.

as she approached your room, a shaky hand lifted to knock on the door. the grip on the food she held tensed as she heard shuffling from the opposite side.

the door began to shake as bolts unlocked from inside. abby held a relaxed stance when it slowly swayed open.

when you fully computed that abby was in front of you, your slouch stiffened, trying to look as awake as possible despite just having woken up. your eyes were unsurprisingly swollen from crying the previous night. your hair was a bed-ridden mess, and you wore the same clothes abby had last seen you in, which didn't make her feel any better.

"..still feeling shitty i'm guessing?" she jokes, lifting a sore smile from your face. it was the first time you'd smiled since before you opened the damned door all those days ago, the same one you both stood between.

"can i come in?" abby holds the food to her side and out of your view, not wanting you to feel obliged to eat. she stands there rather awkwardly, like you would ever deny her entry into your room. it was like her second home, and vice versa.

you nod eagerly as abby steps inside, hand behind her back and burrito gripped tightly.

“got you a present.” you’re quick to turn around as abby gestures for you to take it. it was some of the only real food you’d laid eyes on in days.

it’s filling contained beef, rice, salsa, lettuce, onions and sour cream, and its exterior seemed perfectly toasty, just how you liked it. your face grew warm with your cheeks pulling back to show a beloved smile.

“abby, you didn’t have to..” you hesitantly reach out, almost snatching the burrito right out of her hands as your stomach churned on cue.

“eat up babe.” abby chuckles, her cheeks growing rosier with each second she relished in your presence.

you shyly walk away, heading back to the couch. sitting on it’s plushy surface didn’t feel the same as it used to. having carmen’s strong arms wrapped around you with her head leaning on yours, she’d kiss your temple tenderly as you sat there in comfortable silence.

since then, existing in silence no longer brought you that familiarity of comfort, and its warmth. it would only remind you of how things used to be. how things still could’ve been if you hadn’t fucked it up.

a worrisome whirl began growing in the pit of abby’s stomach as she followed, sitting next to you. the air in this room quickly turned suffocatingly awkward. there was silence, apart from the occasional tinnitus ringing from lack of sound.

“..you haven’t been out for a while.”

“yeah.” you cough, phlegm rising from the back of your throat.

“it’s been six days,” she recalls, maintaining a somewhat frightening amount of eye contact with you as you stared blankly at the floor.

“you’ve been counting?” you ask, gaze not breaking from the withering carpet while you dug into your food like a crazed dog. it was concerning to abby how big each mouthful was.

“uh, yeah. i’ve been worried about you, y’know.” abby doesn’t falter in admitting that, it was pretty obvious, even to manny.

there was a long pause once again, the exception being your aggressive chewing and swallowing. the noise didn’t bother her, it was the way you were handling it that put her on edge.

“hey. look at me.” placing a cautious hand on your shoulder, it snaps you out of your empty daze. your eyes regain their slight glint when you lock eyes with her.

she pauses for a moment to take it all in — how drained these circumstances have left you, how the life from your skin had faded significantly since she last saw you. it left a sinking feeling in her heart, seeing her dearest friend like this.

“i think you need to take a break from this room. it’s doing your head in.” abby proclaims confidently as she stands up from the couch. she turns to you, hand stuck out.

“mmwhat?” you mumble in a confused tone, with abby already pulling you up by your hand.

the blanket that had draped your shoulders fell back, leaving you shivering. your arms sheepishly wrap around each other to conserve your warmth as abby guided you away from the totalled couch.

“i’m gonna help you feel better, okay? what do you need?” abby places both her hands atop your shoulders, the tips of her fingers laying delicately on the surface of your skin made your face melt.

it was the first time in god knows how long since someone asked you how you were doing, let alone how they could help you. and to be quite honest, there was a lot. you just couldn’t wrap your head around what to start off with.

after a weak pause, you muttered,

“well… i haven’t gotten to a bath since..” you sniffle, a bit embarrassed admitting it out loud. the fact that this seemingly never ending depression had you so in over your head that your hygiene wasn’t as accounted for as you wished, wasn’t something you wished to let abby know.

but by the looks of your matted hair, lifeless skin-tone and a lack of clean clothes, abby already knew.

she patiently walked you over to the bathroom. the bathtub was less than clean itself, but it was going to make do.

there was a bucket next to the tub, to which abby began filling up with miraculously warm water. you stood behind her, so many thoughts on your mind that you couldn’t even begin to think at all.

“i’ll help clean you, get undressed.”

the words that left abby’s lips violently snapped you out of your meaningless thoughts, so when her demands finally registered in your head, the apples of your cheeks flushed immensely.

“..i’ll be completely naked?” you remind her, giggling unexpectedly. the idea hadn't phased her one bit, minus a slight dazzle in her eyes.

“i don’t care, i’m helping you.” her attention is focused on the tea-towel in her hands, scrunching it up as she dips it into the bucket. after wringing out an appropriate amount of water, abby looks back to you.

“c’mon, you need this.”

the sincerity and softness in her voice helped soothe your nerves, so with each layer of clothing peeling off your skin, you shyly hopped into the tub. abby’s gaze remained on the towel in her hands as you pulled your hair out of your matted ponytail.

your back is turned to her, giving her all the time in the world to admire all the scars and blemishes that scattered across your spine.

you shiver as abby places the warm towel on your back, scrubbing gently. the smell of pine fills your senses. is that abby’s soap?

it must be, she probably left it behind from the last time she slept over here, before the breakup.

it was awfully quiet, minus the awkward sounds of water splashing against your back, and abby dipping the towel in the water. her movements are patient, hands grazing across your shoulders so she can scrub your arms. abby’s lips quiver, a question previously left unanswered, lingering on the tip of her tongue.

“i have a question…” the break of silence catches your attention, slowly peeking your head to the side. your peripheral vision catches the way she handles you so gently, unlike carmen. abby could snap you in half, but currently, she utilises her strength for something other than be-ridding of seraphites or infected.

you nod, and she speaks,

“what.. caused carmen to end things between you guys? i don’t think you ever mentioned it.” she asks, aiming not to phrase it too harshly.

it didn’t make sense to abby that she would randomly cut things off, they were great for each other in her eyes, excusing how she believed there was better out there... there had to be an underlying reason.

abby continues to clean you up, cleaning out the bucket with fresh warm water. she brings the towel to the bucket, squeezing it of its suds as she urges you to turn around.

your face feels warm to the touch as abby takes it between her index finger and thumb, gently rubbing the towel across your forehead.

it grew harder to look her in the eyes in this position, being completely naked and all. not only that, but over the course of these six days, your mind had completely blocked out the most significant reason for your break-up.

"..it's abby. it always has been”

“are you in love with her or something?”

your eyes drop, and abby notices. she always does, and you don’t know how you didn’t realise sooner. she knew you better than you did yourself.

“hey." abby voices.

"what’s up babe. you can tell me.” her tone is placid as she caresses your cheek with the cloth, a string of hope deep down wishing it was her bare hand instead.

your eyes meet hers, both savouring the moment. the gleam in hers told so many stories. the comrades she’d lost and gained, her deepest traumas, her greatest accomplishments, and her strongest passions.

the concoction of blues and hidden tinges of brown swirled hypnotically, its petals would bloom around the irises that met yours.

you shakily inhaled,

"she thought our friendship got in the way of the relationship we had.. like there's more between us." you shiver when a stray droplet slides down your neck. abby is still, her eyebrows tightening together.

"apparently you're all i ever talked about with her." a dry chuckle escapes your throat, you heave in response.

she pulls the cloth way, directing it to the back of your neck. she scrubs your nape, slightly dragging it down to the middle of your back.

"i mean, i'm a pretty interesting person." abby retorts, a helpless smile creeping on her face. you shake your head dismissively, attempting to disregard the fact she could not be more right.

she pulls her hand away, gesturing for you to turn back around. you do, and in turn, she gently tugs at your hair. her fingers run through each knot, untangling the jungle you managed to obtain on top of your head.

yet again, her large hands tenderly pull each section apart, remaining as patient as can be.

"why are you doing this?"

you blurt out unmistakably so, and abby scoffs, as if the answer could not be more obvious. it was not, at least to you.

anybody could have let you recover in the burdening silence alone, but abby was the one to uncover the door to your tomb. she was the one to lend out a genial hand, to release you of your harrowing sorrow —the only source of fruition you had the pleasure of taking in, being by abby's side. more so, her being by your side.

"well… i care, for starters."

her fingers part through your hair with less restraint than before, the matting seemingly fading away. slowly, as did your despair. with each knot untangled, was another tinge of heartache lifted.

she croaks,

"i know how hard break ups are. they're never easy... so if i can help you, even just a little bit..."

"i'll know i've done my best to get you out of this."

her words almost bring a tear to your eye. thankfully you weren't turned for her to see it.

a faint smile crosses your lips, you shake your head at her response.

"don't get all sappy on me now." you joke, deflecting the fact that her words just then meant the world to you. you couldn't ever find someone with such a radiant, divine soul. her actions perfectly reflect who she is as a person. confident, understanding, and humorous. your mind finally focuses on the more positive things in life for the first time in days, and you turn your head to her.

abby has a warm expression on her face, her dazzling eyes now half lidded, meeting yours with the utmost sincerity. she really cared about you.

your heart grew heavy looking at her, it was unfair that she felt obligated to help you. even if she claimed she didn't mind, it left you with a simmering pot of guilt in your stomach.

switching your position, your front is fully exposed. but you don't give it thought when you clutch onto abby. the suds of soap from your hair transferred to her own neatly tied braid as you clung to her.

no words were said, and none were needed. she unsurely wrapped a stark arm around your waist, worried you'd fall out of the tub if not for her grip on you.

her breath was chilly against your ear, leaving a shivering effect on you. your toned arms were snug around her nape, uncertain if you should let go. if you could let go.

it was silent, and part of you liked it that way. the bustling noise of other soldiers were muffled against the towering solid walls that encased you. the only thing you could hear besides that was your rising heart-rate. it pounded louder than any hammer or drill, and you swore abby could hear it too.

after some silence, you muttered, "i don't know how to thank you..." your voice is unsuspectedly quakey. a lump in your throat forms when abby hums in response. she was such an intent listener. you wouldn't know where'd you be if not for her.

"don't." her tone matches yours, equal in volume and honesty.

abby was your mount. the sail that guided you during a storm, the magic mirror that advised your every move, the morals to your humanity. your other half in this wretched world, you beckoned.

you pulled away, her hands still lingering on the small of your back, the mere size of her palms fit snugly.

you couldn't recall how many times you'd locked eyes with her today, yet, even now, you couldn't bring yourself to look away. the deep love she had for you was apparent on her face. her features softened as she saw raw emotion pour out from your own.

your staggered movements startled her as she felt the plump surface of your lips press against her cheek. your hearts would skip a beat together, and she could sense the lingering connotation in that action. surprisingly, she returns the gesture with a smile. she pulls you into yet another embrace to hide how it'd painted her face with rosy pinks.

"i'll always be here for you." you didn't have to see her to hear the smile in her voice. your ears go hot as she breaks contact, both of her hands grip your shoulders steadily.

"c'mon, let's get you dressed." abby stands up, dropping the tea-towel that'd been forgotten into the sudsy bucket. she assists you in standing up, feeling a prevalent cue to stretch when you un-arch your back.

the initial embarrassment of being nude returns as she leaves the room to fetch you a clean pair of clothes. your hands sneak around your figure to try and cover yourself when she returns, handing you a loose fitting t-shirt with some silly illustration on it, and some tight-fitting jeans, along with some underwear.

you suddenly feel overpowered as she stands across you, fully clothed in contrast to you. her arms are heavily defined against the harsh sunlight emanating through the windows in the main room.

you quickly dry yourself and get dressed, and she asks for your hand. "let's get you some fresh air." you don't have time to protest as she pulls you out of the bathroom. just barely scraping your socks and boots, you've now stepped out of your room for the first time in how many days?

"it's been six days. and about time since you left, everyone's missed you!" she exclaims, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

it'd been so long since you've seen another human being that you'd almost forgotten how to exist within the space of another. but with abby by your side, nothing would slip by you.

your hands somehow made their way to intertwine with abby's, fingers interlocked and tight. her strut is powerful and confident, something you could learn from as you shrunk into a shadow beside her. abby turns to you when she notices you're dragging her back. she can sense your hesitance.

"it'll be fine, i’m here." she squeezes your hand like the beat of a heart, one two, one two. her reassuring smile eased your tensions, slowly picking up the walking pace again. you trusted her judgement, and nothing would cease that.

"hermana! where have you been girl? we've missed you!" manny's thick accent could be heard from yards away. his face is visibly elated and his sturdy arms rose above his head to pull you into a suffocating hug.

others that you were close friends with were sat behind him, including nora, leah, and mel. even owen was present, some steps away.

they all looked so relieved to see you, had your absence meant that much to them?

"i’ve told the guys at the range that you're coming in with me, and no, you don't have a choice." nora chuckles, standing up to push manny out of the way and hug you instead. you reciprocate gladly.

"it’ll give you a chance to let all that anger out, you're a fierce one." she adds, pulling away.

abby stands behind you through all this, incredibly proud that you were making the effort, even if it was challenging. but knowing that people genuinely worried and cared about you had lifted your spirits tremendously. there was more to life than relationships, and abby had helped you realise that.

you turn back to her, and her smile is as cheerful as ever. seeing her compassionate side then had brought her into a totally new light. you loved her, deeply.

" thank you." you mouth, and she nods. you felt a little less blue now that you'd cleared things up, and in helping you, it healed her own woes from her past. the blues would no longer linger as long as you had each other.

[asherashedwings]

Hey chat, remember when I did that one charting pattern analysis on Pico and Darnell?

Well I'm doing that again. But with EVERY FNF CHARACTER.

Girlfriend

Girlfriend, shocker, doesn't really have a pattern. This is mainly due to her being featured in only one song, and it's the tutorial. If we ever get any action from her in the future, then maybe we can find something then, but for now: no pattern.

Daddy Dearest & Mommy Mearest

Okay, so they do have a pattern, and it's a shared pattern. I mean, makes sense, since they're kind of a package duo. It's kinda hard for me to explain, but they have patterns that tend to focus on the left and right notes?? If that makes sense. Good examples I can think of are Satin Panties, High, and Cocoa. Mearest more so than Dearest, but Dearest's base charts are also rather simple due to his week being so early. BUT! These patterns are apparent in his Erect songs! Namely Bopeebo. But yeah, patterns that are left and right note focused. Which -- and I don't know if this is just a coincidence or not -- seems rather fitting given the colors of those notes: red and purple.

Spooky Kids

Another set of characters that don't really have a set pattern that I can distinguish. Although, I do find that rather fitting for them. Their lack of pattern matches their rather chaotic nature that's displayed in their show. They're just silly unpredictable guys.

Monster

Okay, so Monster is just already so different from everyone else that it's just hard to hold him to the same standard. But he does have his own patterns! Namely a LOT of hold notes. Which makes sense due to the lingering nature of his songs. He's slow and eerie, so of course his charting would reflect that

Pico

Okay, so I've covered Pico before. He does a lot of back and forth patterns. .... I could turn this into a super complex character analysis that is completely just my brainrot talking but I don't know if I should go there. I'm going there. Okay, so Pico's entire character in FNF revolves around him going back on the various jobs he's been given to protect Boyfriend and Girlfriend. Week 3? Backing out of his job to rap with BF instead. Week 7? Denying his mission yet again to save BF and GF. He's constantly going back and forth between his job and his morals. And it's not always clear which is the correct option. This same logic can also be applied to Weekend 1, except it's not him choosing BF and GF over his job -- it's him choosing them over his friends: Darnell and Nene. His character is just a constant cycle of back and forths.

Senpai

Okay, so this fucker was the reason I first wanted to make a full analysis on all the characters. So, this guy I noticed, uses a lot of trail notes. And in my brain it does tie into his character and. Like. The only way that I can explain it is like. You know those videos of people arguing with misogynists, and the misogynist keeps cutting off the other person before they can make their point, and keep repeating the same thing over and over again cuz they think that's how arguments work? That's the same vibe I get from Senpai's trail notes. It feels like he's just. Repeating the same things over and over again cuz he thinks he's making a point. And just going on and on so BF can’t speak Idk. If that makes sense.

Tankman

Tankman uses a lot of stairs. I had no idea what to make an analysis out of here, so to quote the wise words of @braveboiart ; "He's a bitch and I hate stairs." ACTUALLY! That is half right. Came up with this while replaying Week 7 for this post. Tankman is explicitly shown to be able to break the fourth wall, so it is entirely possible that in Ugh and Guns, he is purposefully using an egregious amount of stairs to just. Be a pain in the ass. This would also perfectly explain his switch up in Stress. He's taking BF and the player a little bit more seriously, so he starts to be a bit more genuine. Also, I would like to point out that he also uses back and forths a ton. Tankdad canon. ALSO I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE NOTE OF A LIL DETAIL I NOTICED WHEN PLAYING PICO ERECT

Pico Erect shares charting from Stress. Realistically, this is likely just a lil reference to Stress since Pico made in appearance in that song but FUCK YOU, TANKDAD CANON.

Darnell

Okay, so I've already gone in depth on Darnell, so this is mostly gonna be me repeating myself. Good to have everything in one place, yknow? Darnell has a progression of charting throughout Weekend 1. In Darnell, he starts out almost identical to Pico's charting, before slowly transition to his trail and double heavy charting through Lit Up and 2Hot. My analysis of this was the idea that he starts out the week mocking Pico; making fun of the fact that Pico chose to rap battle BF instead of killing him. But as the week progresses, he gets more into it and starts having fun with it, slipping into his own style.

And last but not least

Boyfriend

Okay, so, surprise surprise: Boyfriend doesn't really have a pattern. But it's not cuz he just repeats everyone! There's actually a lot of moments where he freestyles, namely in the Erect tracks. But when analyzing those bits, there isn't really any set pattern. Which makes sense! BF is a go with the flow kinda guy. The charting he uses depends on what the moment calls for; what will outshine his opponent the most. I mean, his charting kinda needs to be versatile, given the variety of his challengers. So yea.

Uhhh... Hope y'all enjoyed my analyses. I'm gonna go pass out now (It is 4:36am at the time of writing this rn)

[mikajunie]

how to deal with failure when all you know how to do is beat up yourself (as an adhder)

please read this if you are a chronic self-loather like myself.

i used to hate myself for everything i did; the way i talk and walk, my accomplishments, my daily activities, how i cannot keep up with my peers, all that jazz. and especially as a late-diagnosed adhder this gets worse overtime. i ended up getting into a 6-month burnout, failed 3 classes and have to extend one semester, and i had lost my identity as a person.

overall i was just a breathing, walking flesh with depressive thoughts every day.

but after many many months of rediscovering myself, i have come up with the conclusion that life gets easier when i don't fucking hate myself.

shocker, right? ik this is probably like a 'obviously' type of thing, but i think many ppl with adhd can confirm that this is one of the hardest pills to swallow.

but trust me, you don't need to feel bad!!! and i will tell you how to do it down below. pls read, i hope it helps.

(keep in mind im not a psychiatrist or a therapist btw i just wanna help fellow ppl with adhd)

reminder #1: adhd makes you more prone to making mistakes - beating yourself up for every failure is torture.

as people with adhd, we are more prone to making more mistakes and questionable decisions. we are just built that way. we can work on it, but that's our baseline.

self loathing encourages you to beat up your baseline. your default state. your non-productive mode.

beating yourself up for making a mistake is literally like beating up a cat for sleeping. humans are bound to make mistakes, and us with adhd are bound to make more. it's fine, let yourself breathe. im not saying we cannot do anything right or that our mistakes are permissible, but missing an alarm clock or forgetting things we want to say are not surprising. it's just embedded inside us, so either be miserable for the rest of your life or work on reframing your thoughts on failure in general.

reminder #2: you can learn how to be better even if you don't beat yourself up for it

these neurotypical adults who tell you that you should feel bad about failing are stupid. and whoever tell you that negative reinforcement is needed for you to get better are the dumbest motherfuckers ever.

you don't need to feel bad to ge better.

in fact, once you don't feel too bad about it, you can focus more on how to do better in the future instead of replaying the past over and over again.

literally after almost failing college, i only realized that i should not be hard on myself. literally. i remember deciding i should try being nice on myself and now boom! i feel better AND i actually have been working towards fixing my life more and more.

and you know whats the best part?? i can finally start enjoying my life again!!

reminder #3: not everything you do is a failure. seriously.

this is a thought pattern i keep seeing in every person with adhd.

"nothing i can do is right" WRONG!!!! you do some things wrong but you also do some things right!!!! quit discrediting yourself

now try acknowledging your failures:

cry about it first. let yourself sit in and feel your feelings first. you can continue after you finish crying about it

do some form of meditation that helps you clear out your mind. i suggest just 5 minutes or until you don't feel as heavy anymore

let yourself know that failing is an action and consequence, not a part of your identity. it is not you: you are someone who succeeds and fails sometimes. you can fail, but that does not mean everything you do will be a failure.

identify what kind of failure you're thinking about , why you feel so shitty about it, and what you should do for next time. it'd be good if you could write this down. here is an example from me:

failure: failing out of class

what happened: i failed bc i kept procrastinating and ended up sleeping in, so i could not submit on time

consequences of event: i had to retake the class, paid a significant amount of money, and now i cant graduate on time with my friends

why i feel shitty: i feel so left behind and stupid. i feel like this is such a stupid mistake that was easily avoidable.

and now i have so many thoughts in my mind right now, like "how can i be so stupid? how can i be so careless? this is such a stupid mistake."

now notice. if you also think like this, you are actively judging yourself. you are being so mean to yourself, and for what? would you ever told your friends they are so stupid and dumb for making careless mistakes? even if it's stupid, you wouldn't say it to their faces.

after identifying everything, confirm what actually happened, reframe your thoughts, and apologize to yourself:

"How can I be so careless?" -> It's not intentional, and I did try my best to work on it. It's not my fault my executive dysfunction took over the better part of me.

"How can I be so stupid?" -> Just because I cannot initiate tasks as well as the others, it doesn't mean i'm stupid. i am pretty good at other things, i cannot expect myself to be good at everything.

"This is such a stupid mistake." -> It is stupid, and that's... okay. It's fine. I accept it, I'll work on how to make it better in the future.

when you combat negative thoughts, make sure you combat them not only with facts but also with empathy and future action-focused thoughts.

the key is to focus on what you can do now, not what you should have done.

because focusing on the past is very very unhelpful.

now please focus on what you can do now:

Make small goals for the future.

What you should not say:

"I promise I will try harder to focus" -> Nope, you are relying on your ADHD symptom to not be ADHD anymore... which is impossible.

"I promise I won't forget next time" -> Same thing.

"I promise I will make a routine that I will stick to" -> This is too idealist, don't commit to anything for a long run, it's just setting yourself up for more failure.

What you should say instead:

"Next time, I will try to write it down so I won't forget next time" -> Tell yourself the clear steps on what you need to do. You cannot rely on your brain to just be better, come up with actions that can support you!

"Next time, I will set more alarms and ask a friend to remind me. In fact, I will do it now" -> Commit to things you can do immediately! The faster, the better so you won't lose this momentum. Stop thinking that your future self is 100% reliable. Always assume you need to do it as soon as possible to help yourself in the future.

"Next time, I will try out this routine and see if it works or not" -> Experiment with routines. Routines don't last long, so don't give youreelf empty promises. Instead, accept that your routine will chance every once in a while so you need to learn what works or not.

Apologize and forgive yourself

Say sorry to yourself.

It's normal to make mistakes, and it's unrealistic to think you won't make more.

Move on

Seriously. Don't sit on it too much.

Once you know what you need to do to not fail in the future and you have written it down... just let it go.

You don't need to feel bad to grow. You don't need to feel bad to be better.

You are allowed to feel good about yourself.

In fact, you should feel better about yourself now because you are showing your commitment to getting better by reading this long ass post.

Pat yourself in the back.

Failure has its consequences already, you don't need to punish yourself more. Please get something nice.

Failing is EXHAUSTING. Please give yourself a snack or some gaming time.

Allow yourself to breathe.

We are humans, we are not failures. We succeed and fail sometimes, not all the time.

Be nice to yourself, you have been through a lot.

[razorroy]

Bit Of A Shocker. Joe Rogan Mocks Trump

He actually imitates Trump. And insults him for his predictable speech pattern!

No fear from Joe Rogan. Good for him. Still a jackass. Best color commenter in MMA for what that is worth. Not much really.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

I Can Take a Beating (Like a Good Pair of Headphones)

Pairing: Kendall Roy x Reader

Rating: T, shockingly

Notes: Hey look it's that Kendall Valentine's oneshot I mentioned. Title from the Walk the Moon song Headphones. Written today and not beta-read, shocker, I know. also lolololol posted it to the wrong account the first time

Warnings: Cursing; Roman being a little shit; mostly fluff; potential power imbalance

Summary: This is where Kendall feels a little…Conflicted. He could hold out for whenever your birthday is, but your headphones seem to be on their last legs. And if he’s being totally honest, he’s been considering asking you out. Valentine’s is just a few days away. He could…Give them to you, ask you for a drink then? Or would you feel obligated because he’s the boss and he’s giving you a gift? 

GIF by jeremystrongs

He sort of admires your loyalty to your old pair. You’ve clearly had them for longer than they’re meant to be kept. You use them every time you're listening in on a meeting, or if you're head-down to get some work done. When you're finished, you always lift the headphones off of your ears with tender reverence, setting them aside and plugging them in to charge immediately (for as long as you must’ve had them, he’s certain the battery must be on its last legs). Then you always reach up, brushing little black flecks of flaked padding away from your ears before you duck your head back, inspecting your collar and shoulders for any little bits that may have escaped your notice. 

 Look, he gets it. Kendall’s a headphone guy.

He’s ready, willing, and able to discuss the merits of Meze, Denons, Bowers & Wilkins, Sweetwaters. He has more pairs than he can count, more pairs than he cares to think about. And maybe that’s why he does this himself, instead of asking Jess to handle it. It becomes a bit of a pet-project. He puts more time into it than he’d care to admit. He has a goddamn spreadsheet to compare each of the models he’s considering getting you based on the music he’s heard you discuss. 

He has Roman do some snooping. It’s not a hardship. You’re one of the few people at Waystar Royco that Roman can stand. Kendall has to barter a couple of assignments and a future favor for it, but it’s worth it. Roman gets a breakdown of what you like to listen to, a full array—music, podcasts, audiobooks, streaming services that you prefer to use. And for the minor tooth-pulling it took to get his brother to agree, Kendall’s got to hand it to Roman. He got all of the dirt that Kendall needed to make a decision. 

Kendall winds up having a pair custom made. The headband has a subtle diamond pattern, using two of the colors he sees you wearing often. The earpads are thick and cushy, and certain not to flake any time soon. He makes sure to have a headphone jack included, just in case, you know. He wants to give you options. 

But this is where Kendall feels a little…Conflicted. He could hold out for whenever your birthday is, but your headphones seem to be on their last legs. And if he’s being totally honest, he’s been considering asking you out. Valentine’s is just a few days away. He could…Give them to you, ask you for a drink then? Or would you feel obligated because he’s the boss and he’s giving you a gift? 

He’ll have them delivered to your desk, that’s what he’ll do. He’ll gauge your reaction, see how you like them, work it out from there. 

--  

“Roman! Is this why you were asking me all of those questions about what I listen to?” 

“Well, you know," His brother gives a lame shrug, eyes wandering the package on your desk.

“This is so sweet of you, you didn’t have to do this!” 

Kendall’s heart drops from his mouth to his stomach. He can’t do anything but watch as you rest your new custom headphones back down in the box and throw your arms around Roman’s shoulders with a gleeful grin. Kendall blinks dumbly as Roman reluctantly raises his arms and gives your sides a pat. 

Roman just shrugs. “Maybe now that black shit from your other pair will stop getting all over the fuckin’ place.” 

You’re laughing. You’re laughing at Roman and you’re hugging him. It’s not right. That’s supposed to be Kendall’s laugh, and Kendall’s hug. Kendall swallows roughly, turning from the two of them as Jess warns him that he has a meeting in three. 

“Uh—Yeah. Yeah, thanks,” He nods. He chances one last glance at you. He takes in the way you draw back from Roman, picking up the headphones. He sees you smooth your fingers over the diamond patterning, and the earpads. You look so goddamn happy. It makes him feel so goddamn happy. 

It’s almost enough to quash his urge to ask Roman what the fuck he was thinking. 

--  

“What the fuck were you thinking?” 

“What? Dude,” Roman frowns as Kendall leans into his space, cornering him before either can leave the conference room. “Did you have falafel for lunch? I’m getting garlic.”

“You know you didn’t send her those fucking headphones,” Kendall spits. 

“No, but who cares? I did all the research, right?” 

“You asked her some questions. I did the research.” 

Roman rolls his eyes, glancing back in your direction. Kendall looks over Roman’s shoulder, peering through the glass wall to where you’re sitting at your desk. You’re using your new headphones. Every now and again, your fingers raise to brush over the band, or over the outside of the pads. Each time, your smile widens before you force yourself to refocus. 

“You want me to go tell her?” Roman offers. 

“No. No, you have done more than enough.” 

Roman smirks, holding his hands up in mock surrender before miming zipping his lips shut. Kendall puffs irritatedly as he draws back from Roman, meeting Jess at the door. 

“What’s next?” He asks, eyes set on you as he walks down the hall. Jess rattles off his next few meetings, appointments, a note that he still hasn’t RSVP’d to Shiv and Tom’s for their Valentine’s dinner (or Valentinner as Tom had called it when he reminded Kendall of it that morning). Kendall considers for a moment. If he had a date for Valentine’s, Tom would probably get off his back about going to that stupid thing (then again, probably not. It would likely be met with a hearty congratulations and an urging to bring them along, no matter how premature the meet-the-family stage would be. Then again, you already know most of Kendall’s family—but still, he wants to take you to dinner, not into the lion's den). 

“Okay…Okay. I’ve got,” He shakes his sleeve back from his wrist, “What, half an hour free?” 

“Yep,” Jess nods. 

“Okay. I’ll uh…I’ll meet you back at my office. Thanks.” 

He stops as Jess goes on, and watches you across the office again. He can’t tell at this distance, but are you…Listening in on a meeting? Or are you focused up? He doesn’t want to interrupt your flow. He had those headphones specifically noise-cancelling so that nothing would interrupt your flow. He glances toward his office, then back over to you. He can just…Look, right? He can look over your shoulder from like a desk back, see what the hell you’re working on and make a judgment call. Yeah. Yeah, that’ll do it. Kendall moves carefully, desperately trying not to look at anyone as he walks through the office (though he fails and subsequently gives a quick smile, a mutter of, “Hi,” when he meets the odd person’s eye). 

He gets a couple of feet behind you and tips his chin up a touch, eyeing your screen over your shoulder. Email. He’s seeing email. Email opening, email closing, email being archived, so nothing too…Involved, probably. 

Kendall can still turn away from this. He can still turn around, and let it go. And then you tip your head forward, your fingers brushing over the band. He can see the reflection of your smile on your laptop screen, and—Yeah, damnit. He’s gonna do this. He’s not letting this go. 

--  

You glance up at the vibration of knuckles wrapping against your desk. You glance to them, then up at the person knocking. You do a double-take at the sight of Kendall standing in front of your desk. You grin, sliding your headphones off of your ears. 

“Hey!” 

“Hi,” Kendall smiles, his eyes dropping to where you’re still grasping your headphones. “You busy? You wanna go grab some coffee?” 

“Yeah! Yeah, sure,” You nod, looking down at your laptop. “Just lemme me, um…” You finish off an email and pause your music before you carefully slip your headphones off. You raise your hands to your ears, absently dusting at your ears, though there’s no reason for you to. The pads of your new headphones are pristine, and uncracked. You stand, pulling your jacket on and rounding the desk to join Kendall. 

-- 

“How’s, uh…How’s your morning going?” He asks. The two of you are pressed pretty close in the crowded waiting area of the Starbucks, waiting for your drinks.

“It’s been pretty nice, actually. Not completely crammed with meetings—and I had a really unexpected gift on my desk this morning.”

“Oh yeah?” 

“Mhm! I mean, I had a little, uh…A suspicion when Roman asked me about all of the stuff I listen to.” 

“Really.” 

“Yeah. How’s yours been?” 

“It’s uh, it’s, uh…” Kendall trails off, looking around. “Been kind of a mixed bag.” 

“Really?” You shift from foot to foot, fingers accidentally brushing against Kendall's. “What’s going on, everything okay?” 

“Things are fine, but I have to,” He clears his throat. “I have to tell you something.” 

“Okay,” You nod. Kendall looks like he’s trying to bring something up and hold it back all at once. His lips are pursed into a thin line, his brow furrowed. You tip your head to the side a little, raising your brows. “What’s going on?” You press softly.

“The truth is…” He seems to weigh his words for a moment before he meets your eye. You’re stunned by the way he watches you—with a nervous smile on his lips. 

“Those headphones, um…They weren’t from Roman.” 

Your chest flutters with nerves and butterflies as it sinks in. “They were from you?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Why did Roman let me think that they were from him?” 

“Because he’s a shithead. I mean he’s my brother, I love him, but he likes to do things that get under my skin.” 

“He seems good at it.” 

“Oh, he’s an expert,” Kendall chuckles softly. “But I, uh…you know, you work really hard, and you clearly, like, love your headphones, so I just wanted you to have some good ones.” 

“Good ones? Kendall, you got me, like, the 24-karat gold of headphones.” 

“I mean, yeah. Yeah but you’ve earned them—” He goes quiet as you dart in, curling your arms around him before you can think to stop yourself. You didn’t hesitate like this when you went to hug Roman, but Roman is different. You have a far more casual relationship with Roman. You and Kendall, well. There’s always been this feeling pulling you toward him, but with this revelation and this gift, it’s grown stronger. Kendall’s hands rest hesitantly on your back before he draws you into his chest a bit more. You grin, turning and pressing your face into his shoulder. 

The two of you let go as you hear your orders called. You turn, smiling as he passes you yours. 

“Thank you,” You smile, and repeat it as he opens the door for you. The two of you take meandering steps back toward the office, keeping close enough for your arms to brush as you go. 

“I uh…I actually wanted to ask you something,” Kendall adds. 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah, I know, uh…I mean, I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. Not the headphones thing, but this other thing—And I don’t want the headphones thing to effect this other thing.”

“Okay.” 

The two of you come to a stop at a crosswalk, watching cars zip by as you wait to cross. 

“What is it?” You press. Kendall’s gaze sweeps your face before he looks down at his coffee cup. 

That guarded gaze is back. “I wanted to know if you’d be interested in grabbing dinner, or a drink sometime. Something, you know.” 

Your brows raise, your smile widening as you nod. 

“Yes, I would.” 

“I mean, it doesn’t have to be a big thing—”

“Right—” 

“—But I would like to get to know you better, and I’d really, um—I mean it when I said that I don’t want the headphones to uh, to influence—” 

Kendall goes quiet as you lean in, pressing a kiss to his cheek. He blinks at you in surprise, and you grin as you draw away. 

��I’m up for dinner, or drinks, or…Whatever,” You insist. 

“This is going to sound cliché and stupid, but are you busy this Valentine’s?” 

“I am not…On one condition.” 

“Okay, yeah. What is it?” 

“We don’t go to that Valentine’s dinner….Thing that Tom’s doing.” 

Kendall smiles widely, shaking his head. “I would never put you through that, trust me.” 

“Okay,” You laugh, “Then yes, let’s um…Yeah. Let’s.” 

--  

Kendall doesn’t walk you back to your desk—he’s got his own meeting to get to. But you feel him watching you as you settle down at your desk, unlocking your laptop and picking your headphones up. You glance up his gaze, smiling and winking as he catches your gaze. You bite back a giggle as he grins and turns hurriedly, nearly walking into a wall as he goes. You dip your head, pressing play and forcing yourself to refocus on your work. 

[toastbastard]

I’ve been thinking a lot about how all of the relationships/couples in 911 who got together over the course of the show have deeply developed characters on both sides of the partnership. Bobby and Athena are both main characters, and they are “the one” for each other. Same with Chimney and Maddie. I don’t fully consider Maddie a main character, because she doesn’t have a “begins” episode, but on the other hand, we have gotten more than one multiple-episode storylines surrounding her. My point is, with Bobby and Athena, you cannot remove either character easily and have the story continue on the same way. The same goes for Maddie and Chimney. There would be consequences, fallout, and it would alter the story in major ways. Maddie and Chimney (if i remember correctly) went through a rough patch, but neither were written off the show because they are characters in their own right, not just a main characters partner.

I have more thoughts but i’m putting a cut here to save you from having to read if if you don’t want to

Buck has been in the most relationships, which is meant show he’s young and not ready to settle down. His first relationship was Abby, and she’s kind of the exception to his usual pattern of one-dimensional love interest. She had a storyline, and it was rather compelling, she was pretty much the main character of season 1. However, when push came to shove, she was written off, and her absence, while deeply affecting Buck, does not alter the course of the show in any major way. The overall format of the show does not change, and we aren’t missing a perspective in the story.

After Abby, Bucks relationships start to become very one-sided in terms of development. Ali is barely memorable. She was very easily dropped from the story with no consequences, barely even any for Buck.

Taylor is an interesting case, because while she definitely was not a main character, she definitely had her own personality, desires, wants, fears, and needs. She was also a character from earlier in the show who they brought back later I think they tried to dig deeper into her as a character, and I honestly think she could have stuck around after her and Buck broke up because I think she would be a fun character to have pop in every once in a while. She has her own distinct purpose in the story, however, the show can still go on without her. I actually did like Taylor as a character, and her and Buck were cute together sometimes, but they were so obviously not meant for each other

Natalia is not really worth mentioning. We know nothing about her other than her career (a pattern with Bucks partners). The relationship was very short lived.

Now we get to Tommy. I will say Tommy is hard to judge just yet because him and Buck are very new. He is also a character from the past that has been brought back. We don’t know a whole lot about him, other than he used to be in the 118, Buck likely replaced him when he left, he was in the army, and he has a cool job (shocker!). Him and Buck seem sweet together, but i’d say we’ve gotten about as much content of them being a couple as we did with Ali and Natalia combined. However, he does serve a purpose in the story which is to help Buck to discover himself. Whether he will be more than that is still up in the air. I’m not saying he’s just a plot device, I do like this arc that they’re doing, I just haven’t seen anything yet to show that he’s a character in his own right and not just Bucks newest fling.

Now for Eddie. His first relationship is not really an exception to the established pattern. We learn about Shannon in the past tense, and when they get back together briefly, we still know very little about her. We know that on paper her and Eddie are married, that she has or had a sick mother, that her and Eddie were teen/YOUNG parents, and that her and Eddie have a very rocky relationship and they only work well together when they’re having sex. She dies, which, while it is definitely a plot line, and she does haunt Eddie’s life all the way up to the current season, the loss of her doesn’t alter the way the show plays out.

Then we have Ana. We know her job (duh), that she’s latina/hispanic, that she’s a teacher at Christopher’s school and later is a principal. I honestly think she was a sweetheart, and just a kind soul. I think that she deserved a little bit better than Eddie treated her, and he clearly wasn’t ready for the level of relationship they became. Still, she’s not a character that stands on her own. Take Eddie and Chris away, she doesn’t have a story of her own.

Then there’s Marisol. Marisol honestly is the most one dimensional girlfriend character. We actually don’t even know her job (this is actually shocking), we do know she used to be a nun and Eddie feels weird about it, and shes shown to get along with Chris. Other than that, she’s kinda nothing.

Kim is the last one. Literally all we know about Kim is that shes identical to Shannon and she works at a store. I am interested to see how the Kim thing plays out because I think it’s an interesting extension of Shannon’s ghost kind of following Eddie around.

The only partner of a main character who isn’t a “main character” outside of Buck and Eddie’s relationships is Karen. However, her and hen were together before the show started, and we have gotten several deep dives into their relationship including a “begins” episode dedicated to them, so I can conclusively say that Karen doesn’t fit into the pattern.

To simply, think of 911 as a house on stilts. You have all the main characters as a stilt or a support beam holding that house up. If Athena and Bobby were to break up, and Bobby were to be written off the show in a Ali/Taylor/Marisol fashion, not only would it be a horrible choice, but the house that is 911 would crash down. On the flip side, if you take away Tommy, that’s like taking away the door. Yeah, now the house is not really functional, but it’s a much easier fix than building a whole new house. The writers of the show have a habit of not putting any effort into Buck and Eddie’s partners. It’s so obvious from the audience perspective when you look back on it, that none of those relationships were meant to last. They do a horrible job at hiding how temporary they are.

If you read this far into my ramblings, I’m sorry. You didn’t have to do that. you get a gold star. i’ll give it to you later i promise.

[cosmerelists]

The Most SHOCKING Moment in Every Cosmere Novel

[Spoilers! Spoilers for Everything!]

In this list, I will talk about what I thought was the most shocking moment in every Cosmere novel, in publication order. I tried to be fairly vague in the entry titles so that you could potentially skip around to just the books you've read, but please know that this list is just ridiculously laden with spoilers.

1. Elantris: The Head Injury

So this one is shocking in terms of gruesomeness rather than surprise. For me, the most shocking moment in this book was when Raoden tried to feed the small, "dead" child...and then some other men came along and literally beat the child's head in. This being Elantris, the kid wasn't actually dead, but just suffering horribly forever. The scene HAUNTS me.

2. Mistborn: That One Death

I mean, what could I pick for this particular novel other than the shocking death of a main character. I was NOT expecting Kelsier to actually die...and yes, I know, he's still an active character but it's not like he didn't die. He did! Main character--killed off in Book 1 of a trilogy! I didn't see that coming.

3. Well of Ascension: It's Better To Be Selfish, Actually

Faced with choice of whether to take up supreme power to save the love of her life or let Elend die to save the world, Vin made the heroic choice and let the power go. And that was...the wrong answer?? I did not see THAT coming. Like, "letting the power go" meant releasing Ruin, whereas taking the power for herself would have contained it. So for once, it would have been better to take the selfish road rather than going for the heroic sacrifice.

4. Hero of Ages: The Atium Solution

To be fair, the end of Hero of Ages is pretty much just one shocking moment followed by another, especially with the chain of ascensions and deaths. So this may be controversial, but for me, it was the solution of just eating all the atium that surprised me the most. Like, I think I was braced for everyone to die because the book just had that vibe, but I never expected a group of people to just sit there and chow down on all of the atium until it was all gone to keep it from Ruin.

5. Warbreaker: Villain Reveal

Specifically, for me it was Denth & Tonk Fah that really got to me. They were so likable! Until they weren't. There was also Bluefingers for that matter, whom I had also liked up until it was suddenly Human Sacrifice Time. Honestly, Warbreaker did do a pretty good job of obviating who the bad guys were and what was actually going on.

6. Stormlight Archive: Way of Kings: The Trade

There were plenty of shocking moments in this book, to be fair. I could have chosen the whole Sadeas betrayal. The reveal that Jasnah's soulcaster was fake. Elhokar being his own assassin. But I think for me, it was the moment that Dalinar traded his shardblade for the bridgemen. Sanderson had done SUCH a good job of building up the shardblades as, like, the ultimate item of priceless value, the sort of thing that everyone wanted and no one (other than Kaladin) would give up. So when Dalinar gave his shardblade to Sadeas of all people to save the bridgemen, I was legitimately shocked.

7. Mistborn: The Alloy of Law: What Was Lost

Honestly, I was shocked right out of the gate by the fact that there wereren't any mistborn anymore and the atium was gone. Those had been such staples of the original trilogy!

8. Stormlight Archive: Words of Radiance: That One Death

Again, there's always plenty of shockers in a Stormlight book, but in terms of open-mouthed, did-not-see-that-coming reactions from me, it was Adolin stabbing Sadeas to death. Like, what? I had assumed Sadeas was going to be the recurring big bad, and I also didn't think that little scene was going to end in just a quiet back-alley stabbing.

9. Mistborn: Shadows of Self: That Villain Reveal

Anyone else noticing a pattern? Anyway, I was definitely shocked by the Bleeder-is-Lessie reveal in this. Very deeply shocked! Again, I thought it was just one of those classic the-shapeshifter-takes-on-the-form-of-your-loved-ones-so-you-won't-be-able-to-hurt-them moments but, uh, what a devastating deconstruction of the trope that was!

10. Mistborn: The Bands of Mourning: The Spikes

So again, this one may just be me. But I was just really shocked when MeLaan lost her spikes and dissolved. I know there was a villain reveal and the shocking location of the Bands of Mourning and the whole "there's another continent" thing but somehow it was MeLaan dissolving that really got me.

11. Stormlight Archive: Oathbringer: What Wasn't Said

Listen, I thought I knew the pattern. Put Kaladin into a dire enough situation, he'll say some new oaths and fly to everyone's rescue while glowing. So when the situation got real dire, and it looked like our heroes were all doomed, and Kaladin got ready to say his next oaths...and then he didn't? He didn't say them? He couldn't? I was really shocked!

12. Rhythm of War: The Experiments (Not the ones you're thinking of)

I don't know man, what really got me were those super gross spren experiments Ishar was doing with the embodied spren. The whole mass-of-tentacle-head for the cryptic spren was especially horrifying, not to mention vivisection is just intrinsically shocking for me. It's all heads, villains, and deaths for me, huh? (And listen, I read this before I read any Mistborn, so the Thaidakar reveal was TOTALLY lost on me.)

13. Mistborn: The Lost Metal: The Meat Grinder

The big death in this one was spoiled for me, so unfortunately, I wasn't shocked. Also, I'm not sure I would have been shocked just because I was expecting either Wax or Wayne to die. What did shock me was the meat grinder hotel scene, when Wax killed his way to the top floor of that building (was it even a hotel? That's what it is in my head) and just slaughtered everyone on the way.

13. Tress of the Emerald Sea: The Dragon Scene

I was not shocked by the Huck reveal; I'm proud to say I figured that out for myself (woo-hoo!). But I didn't think Tress would get out of the whole being-traded-to-a-dragon thing but trading the person who was supposed to be trading her.

14. Yumi and the Nightmare Painter: The Non-Solution

This one is almost certainly going to just be me. But listen. There is a part of the book where Painter & Yumi are trying to figure out how their separate lives are connected and I don't quite remember why, but I distinctly remember the moment I thought, "Ah ha! It's time travel!" And then. The next sentence. The very next fucking sentence was Design saying, "Well, it's definitely not time travel." And my shock was partly Sanderson reading my mind, and partly that my idea was shot down so quickly!

15. The Sunlit Man: The Fucking Name

I was eagerly reading this book in my office, and when Sigzil was given his new name, I just quietly set my phone down and stared into the distance for like an entire minute, unmoving, unthinking.

This may be the greatest shock in the whole Cosmere, for me.