#but yeah i want to do a wild magic sorcerer run and have some kinda trauma linked to it

[wingsy-keeper-of-songs]

Had an idea with another Tav where she is a daughter of a noble Elvish house in Athkatla born to a family of mostly wizards (there are a few instances of sorcery here and there, and it's a family joke that they're the product of sordid affairs ((all said lovingly the family is a kind one)) and she is a Wild Magic Sorceress who has surges when experiencing intense emotions. She's able to have a hold on it until she reaches marrying age and she's arranged to marry a human man from a noble house who is also a mage (he's very similar to Lorroakan actually) and he turns out to be extremely emotionally and psychologically abusive which causes her Wild Magic to surge out of control.

Her family is not sure where these surges have come from (they don't believe such a good match could turn out to be so toxic) so they lock the poor girl up to keep her from harming herself and others. She's still due to marry the Shitty Betrothed, but only once she gets her shit together.

She starts to spiral downwards and her parents decide she needs a change of scenery and take her to Baldur's Gate for a vacation. And then the mind-flayers come....

[heehoothefool]

3 am funny thoughts again so here we go.

Hermits as DnD Classes and Races

Unlike the empires cast, I'll be doing this one based off of generalized knowledge or my favorite version of them, depends on the Hermit. Not restricted by particular seasons.

To be kind to myself, I am only doing Hermits that are active or busy with some other series like Vault Hunters (Mumbo is included here). I won't be doing former Hermits because this list is already crazy long.

Let's go

Bdubs: Light domain cleric gnome. He is a little man of the moss, and have you seen his affinity for animals? He has to be a gnome. And the whole sun thing? Yeah, dude's a light cleric.

Cubfan: This man is a wizard, illusion focus. No other class has enough hubris to build that kind of pyramid just because, and to me, what would a member of ConVex/ConCorp want more out of magic than to trick the eyes of those around them? As for race, I'd pin Cub for the Unearthed Arcana changeling, the one with Unsettling Visage. Seems like he'd get good use out of it.

Doc: Artificer, Maverick subclass. He is constantly working on new reality breaking projects that only someone like himself could pull off. As for race, I think you could do some kind of earth genasi/warforged homebrew combination that would work wonderfully for him. He would be a wild character to play for sure.

Etho: Half elf assassin rogue. Great at pvp, and very pretty, but still very down to earth.

False: Unlike her Empires counterpart, Hermit False to me reads as more of a Monster Hunter Fighter. Protecting her friends from whatever monsters may be nearby, or evil individuals with bad intentions, this class would work for her quite well. Still human for the race though.

Gem: She's only been around for 2 seasons and season 8 was very short, but she definitely seems to have a very Natural theme to her stuff, so I want to call her a circle of the moon druid. And also a faun for the race, probably forest. She is absolutely a fae of some kind and forest just fits her aesthetic so nicely.

Scar: Okay. This man is a college of glamor bard that rolled triple 6s and put that straight into charisma. He will talk you out of the clothes on your back in excahnge for a cactus. He's also 100% a changeling to match Cub, but also because it's the only way I can possibly explain the Many Faces And Forms Of Scar. However, I would say he probably also multiclasses into the Sharpshooter Fighter for his HotGuy persona.

Grian: Aaracokra for the whole avian thing with wings and all, but for his class I'm a little unsure. I'm considering Trickery domain cleric, but I think, all things considered, Great Old One Pact of the Blade warlock might be the best fit, allowing us to incorporate the Watchers as the patron, while also giving him good combat versatility. The charisma focus will be good for his shenanigans too.

Jevin: Seeing as Jevin appears to be very skilled all around, it's hard for me to place his class. With his evident skill in making highly efficient mob farms, and overall mob knowledge, I'm going to place him as a Ranger, monster hunter subclass. As for race, the Slimefolk race on the 5e Wiki seems like it would do just fine for our favorite goopy guy.

Impulse: The scale to which this man makes anything is impeccable. After his soup gang shenanigans, I wanna call this man an Oath of Vengeance Paladin, and I'm so attached to him as a dwarf I'm keeping to it. It's very him, stout little guy sticking up for everyone else.

Joe Hills: With Joe's very chaotic nature and ability to just kinda convince people to go along, I wanna call them a college of glamor bard. I have never been so confused and intrigued by an individual's goals. Also, Joe gives me just straight up fae vibes, the race you can find on the 5e Wiki.

Keralis: Look into those big eyes of his and tell me that's not a wild magic sorcerer. Brimming with charisma, that stuff is running through his veins. He would be the type to get startled and accidentally polymorph into a potted plant for a few seconds. As for race, I think human works just fine. Kinda just some guy (affectionate).

Pearl: Ah yes, the cleaning lady and epitome of go big or go home. With her penchant for keeping objects orderly and the server in a state of upside down chaos, I want to pin her as an Arcane Trickster Rogue. As for race, I think mothkin could be fun.

Rendog: That's a college of glamor bard that multiclassed into lycan order blood hunter. Keeps the whole werewolf thing around, and acknowledges the Red King, while still acknowledging that no other class than a glamor bard is going to commit that hard to a bit. Racewise his base race is probably human.

Tango: Artificer, archivist subclass to play into his role as the Decked Out Dungeon Master while still being very, very aware of his Redstone tomfoolery. As for race, Fire Genasi acknowledges the fire motifs we as a fan base often use for him while respecting his wishes to not be represented with horns by not making him a tiefling. And also fire hair is fun.

Beef: I don't know a lot about Beef but I do know that this is a very dedicated artist of a man. He gives me half elf vibes, and as for his class I wanna say some sort of charisma caster, I'm gonna go bard, College of Creation. Have you seen those maps? Those bases? This man is an artist.

XB: This guy and his underwater thing, I'm calling him a triton for fun. He seems to be very big on games and builds with story, so for this I think I want to actually make him an Illusion Wizard. Give him the stuff he needs to make things look wonderful and tell the story he wants to tell. And also to prank. I think he would enjoy it.

Xisuma: If there was ever a man more suited to play a Wild Magic Sorcerer it has to be him. The Admin with an evil doppelganger? Brother? Whatever Evil X is. X himself is your best, charismatic friend who just happened to also have the Sage Background to explain his very deep knowledge of "the world around him" (Minecraft). A changeling to explain away all of his various looks and also the fact that nobody knows what he actually looks like. Also Wild Magic funny and a good origin for a guy who is as powerful as he is for "no real reason" in lore.

Zedaph: Alchemist Artificer. Satyr. Need I say more? This is a chaotic little goat fey man who makes wacky ass contraptions. And I never stop thinking about that auto-brewer. It lives in my mind rent free at all times.

ZombieCleo: Despite the name, I don’t know that the Zombie race fits. Rather, I think Cleo could be better suited to the Wight race created by u/callmepartario over on r/UnearthedArcana. It plays into her little rivalry with Jevin, I think, that it's the need for vengeance keeping her "alive." As for her class, with her armor stand skills and penchant for head collecting, I think it would be very funny to pin her as a Necromancy Wizard. Why else would she need so many skulls? Why else would she raise so many "bodies?"

Hypno: Another Hermit I don't know much about, but I like his vibes. He gives me Assassin Rogue feelings so I'm gonna go with that, and say his race is blue dragonborn because again. Vibes.

Iskall: Oh look at them. Look at them and tell me that is not a Mastermaker Artificer wood elf. Look at the fun mix of nature and science and tell me I am incorrect I dare you. I love Iskall.

Mumbo: This, my friends, is really quite simple. Mumbo is a Maverick Artificer without a doubt, very skilled in just about all manner of Redstone contraptions. Mumbo is also a man of many projects (some of which get pushed off to the side for a while) so I think this suits him. As for race, this man strikes me as a tuxedo cat tabaxi. Idk I just like it, I think it'd be funny if Grian's bestie was a cat.

Stress: Circle of the Moon Druid she is so friend shaped oh my god. Incredibly friend shaped, incredible flower vibes, what kind of wood elf do you take her for?

Wels: Oath of Devotion Paladin. Stays true to his morals and does his best to do good, what more is there to say on that? He is incredibly human to me, love this man.

And that's all! If you have any alternative ideas go ahead and tack them on! I would love to get further input about the Hermits I'm not super familiar with, so if you disagree with something feel free to put it in the reblogs or tags or even pester my inbox! Oh my god this post took so long.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Vex, the Gloomiest build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Horace “Hozure” Hsu. Made for Riot Games.)

Writing this build in a dark room late at night, super tired and stuff... Stuck inside cause of this dumb virus... AFKing in TFT for a Prestige skin like a tryhard... It’s kinda aesthetic, ya know?

GOALS

Another person to kill... Shadow? Can you handle it? - You don’t need best friends: you’ve got your Shadow. He’s the only cool one, because he’s basically you.

Ugh. Can we get some rain clouds in here? - No one likes a debbie downer, but everyone loves a good scare!

Man, walking suuuucks - Nowadays even the anti-dash champion needs a resetting dash. “Do the thing, Shadow.”

RACE

I could make Vex a Harengon to justify her rabbit ears, but she doesn’t really do much “jumping.” That, and I didn’t buy Wild Beyond the Witchlight. So Halfling still works good enough for a yordle. Your Dexterity increases by 2, and while your movement speed goes down to 25 you have Halfling Nimbleness to move through people who are bigger than you. You’re also “Brave” for advantage against fears (when you hang around the Shadow Isles stuff really isn’t that scary) and of course have good ol’ yordle Lucky to reroll Nat 1s.

Halflings are normally pretty cheerful but Ghostwise Halflings are perfectly dark. You’d normally increase your Wisdom by 1 but I’d recommend increasing your Constitution instead. But I mean, it’s not a big deal if you take Wisdom instead. It is only +1. You also get Silent Speech to keep to team chat with 30 foot telepathy. I mean, they have to understand your languages but at least you don’t have to tell everyone what you’re talking about. And oh yeah you obviously speak Common and Halfling.

ABILITY SCORES

15; CHARISMA - Turns out when you don’t release any new yordles for (wait it’s been 5 years since Kled was released? Holy shit) people end up wanting them.

14; DEXTERITY - Just because you don’t like walking doesn’t mean you’re slow.

13; CONSTITUTION - Imagine dying like a normie.

12; WISDOM - Vex isn’t sad because she’s pessimistic. She’s just realistic.

10; INTELLIGENCE - You’re too cool for school. (And I needed everything else more.)

8; STRENGTH - Ughhh I don’t wanna lift heavy stuff! I’m tired...

BACKGROUND

I guess you’re technically a Haunted One, even if the black mist is the best thing that ever happened to you. You get proficiency in Arcana and Survival as well as two language of your choice to talk to your "allies.” (I guess one of them has to be exotic or whatever.) (I’d personally pick Sylvan as the language of yordles and whatever language the majority of your party knows as your second choice, but that’s just me.)

The thing that sucks about having a Heart of Darkness is that everyone keeps trying to help you, thinking that your sadness (and the living shadow on your back) is something to be fixed. I mean, at least you can get the NPC normies to help you, as long as you don’t spook ‘em. “No doctors! I told you: being sad makes me happy.”

(Artwork by @ToggleD0wnFall on Twitter.)

THE BUILD

or whatever...

LEVEL 1 - SORCERER 1

Starting as a Sorcerer for saving throws and stuff. Also proficiency in Intimidation and... Persuasion, I guess? Look, persuading people that you’re fine “no really” is a skill too.

I wonder what Sorcerous Origin we’ll pick... If only there was one based entirely on shadows and darkness... Oh hey Shadow Magic. As a Shadow Sorcerer you get Eyes of the Dark for 120 feet of Darkvision to see with your dumb Halfling eyes, and Strength of the Grave which will let Shadow take a hit for you. (As long as you make a good Charisma save.)

But of course the main appeal of a Sorcerer is the Spellcasting. You can learn 4 cantrips from the Sorcerer list and two level spells: For cantrips Mage Hand will let Shadow pick things up for you, Mind Sliver and Sword Burst will keep loud people off you both up close and from afar, and Prestidigitation will let you do all sorts of normie yordle magic. As for leveled spells Shield and Mage Armor are both kinda mandatory for some Personal Space.

LEVEL 2 - WARLOCK 1

What? Did you really think we wouldn’t get at least some support from adults? Work for that cool gloomy dude Viego and make a pack with The Undead. That’s because Undead are super dark and morbid and have a Form of Dread: as a bonus action you can turn on your Doom and Gloom for 1 minute. You get some temporary hit points, fear people when you hit them, and are immune to fears yourself. You can transform a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus and regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

You also get Pact Magic, which is different from normie Spellcasting because you get the cool stuff done with just a Short Rest. Anyways you can learn two cantrips from the Warlock list like Minor Illusion to have Shadow trick some normies and Eldritch Blast to Eldritch while you Blast. You can also grab some first level Warlock spells like Hex to mark people you don’t like, and Arms of Hadar if you really need your Personal Space.

LEVEL 3 - WARLOCK 2

Second level Warlocks get their Eldritch Invocations for extra stuff that you don’t have to put effort into. While Armor of Shadows does exist it’s honestly better for you to cast Mage Armor with a spell slot, so with that being said take Agonizing Blast to agonize while you blast and Eldritch Mind so you can keep your concentration around annoying people.

You can also learn another spell like Hellish Rebuke, because people just keep barging into your Personal Space!

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Now that you can agonize your blasts it’s time to go back to Sorcerer. Second level Sorcerers get a Font of Magic for Sorcery Points which currently don’t do much other than give you more spell slots. You can turn your Warlock slots into Sorcery points though, which is good because they come back on a Short Rest but the rest of your magic does not.

You can also cast another spell like Earth Tremor, to slow people down with Looming Darkness and sunder the land with your edginess.

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers finally get Metamagic! Empowered Spell will allow you to maximize your damage and retain your role as an artillery mage. Alternatively if you want to guarantee fears in your foes take Heightened Spell to give them disadvantage to resist Shadow’s influence.

If you want Shadow to stick around then Dust Devil will swirl around for quite awhile. Alternatively Shadow (Magic) also teaches you Darkness for free, and you can cast it with 2 Sorcery Points to see through it! Your friends can’t see through it, but you can team up with Shadow for some powerful combos when you can see them but they can’t see you!

(Artwork by @jpdiasarts on Twitter.)

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

4th level Sorcerers get the first of many Ability Score Improvements, but I can’t take Fey Touched every time for Flash. That, and we won’t give into basic yordle society. So let’s get value out of our Halfling race with the Second Chance feat. Along with +1 to your Charisma you can also use your reaction to make an enemy you can see attacking you reroll their attack roll, potentially making them miss.

Don’t use this against an attack that you can Shield against, but if someone gets a really good roll you can use this to get your Personal Space back! You can only use this once per combat though (it comes back when you roll for initiative!) so make sure to use it when it matters to keep your spell slots in check.

Oh and you can also learn another spell, and another cantrip! For your cantrip Shocking Grasp will help you push people away if they get too close (folk tend to react poorly when zapped by a tazer!) As for leveled spells Web will keep foes from dashing around, and is also pretty flammable. Huhn; wonder if that’ll be useful.

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers get gifts from the Ruined Queen Tasha in the form of Magical Guidance. You can use a Sorcery point to reroll a d20 if needed, potentially squeezing a success out. Don’t use this all the time (even if Warlock slots means you’ll have plenty of Sorcery points to spare) but this can be very useful in an emergency!

You can also learn third level spells and hey: Fireball may be a normie spell, but it’s still pretty effective. It’s maybe a bit too flashy to be Looming Darkness but it’s a good source of AoE damage which isn’t as loud and annoying as Shatter.

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

All this time being a Shadow Sorcerer and Shadow hasn’t even done anything for us! Well how about you go out there and get some work done, Shadow? For 3 Sorcery points you can summon a Hound of Ill Omen to target a foe within 120 feet of you.

Shadow is basically a Dire Wolf except he’s Medium, has temp HP equal to half your Sorcerer level, can move through stuff (but takes damage if he ends his turn in stuff), and automatically chases whoever you told him to go for. Shadow will appear 30 feet away from the person you told him to get, and will chase after him like I said. All he’ll really do is attack the target you told him to though; he won’t even opportunity attack unless it’s the person you told him to chase. But if Shadow’s near someone they have disadvantage on their saving throws, which is pretty cool. (Unfortunately it’s only against spells, not your Form of Dread.)

Speaking of saving throws: Slow is a really great way to keep normies from running around doing annoying stuff. And you don’t have to hit Shadow with it which is pretty cool.

(Artwork by @Lauriquess on Twitter.)

LEVEL 9 - WARLOCK 3

Third level Warlocks get to choose their Pact Boon: if you want a really small Shadow go for Pact of the Chain, and if you want your cool necklace go for Pact of the Talisman, but we’ll be going for Pact of the Tome because you’re mostly a spellcaster really. (And we definitely don’t have enough cantrips.)

You get a Book of Shadows (See? Books can be cool!) with three cantrips: take Thaumaturgy to be extra spooky, Vicious Mockery for some sick teenage burns, and Sapping Sting to make normies fall over when you fear them. Some might say that 10 total cantrips by level 9 is a bit overkill but look on the dark side: you’ve now got a cantrip for basically every type of saving throw in case you can’t hit with Eldritch Blast!

Honestly none of the Pact Boons are particularly important for Vex so I picked the one that made the most sense. Feel free to take something more practical since 10 cantrips is admittedly overkill.

Oh and you can learn more Warlock spells, so now it’s time to finally take Misty Step. For Flash!

LEVEL 10 - WARLOCK 4

4th level Warlocks get another Ability Score Improvement: getting more Charisma for better spellcasting is probably a good idea.

You can also learn another spell, and hey look another cantrip. For your cantrip even if more damage options are kinda overkill by this point Chill Touch inflicts Grievous Wounds, which might be useful. You can also grab another second level spell and Blindness / Deafness (which is on the Undead list) is far more useful than any of the other normie options you’d have at this level anyways.

LEVEL 11 - WARLOCK 5

5th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation, and even if you’ve got a resetting dash you’re still a squishy mage. So grab Tomb of Levistus for Zhonya's Hourglass.

You can also grab third level Warlock spells now! Remember how I took Fireball and complained that it wasn’t a good replica of Looming Darkness? Well Hunger of Hadar takes your Concentration but it’s a lot edgier!

LEVEL 12 - WARLOCK 6

6th level Undead Warlocks have become Grave Touched by the mist, and can make mist of their own! Along with being able survive without eating, drinking, or breathing you can turn any of your damage into necrotic damage. If you’re in your Form of Dread however you can add one extra damage die to whatever you’re using to get people to buzz off, adding to that morbid and macabre aesthetic.

You can also add another spell and if you’re bored with Shadow being a wolf how about you make them a Summon Shadowspawn? Weaponize your Fury, Despair, or Fear (I’d honestly recommend Fury since it has good synergy with your Dreadful Aspect) and work together with Shadow to deal with all your annoying foes! I’d also suggest replacing Hellish Rebuke with Counterspell, because even if the former fits better the latter is way more useful.

(Artwork by Jennifer Wuestling. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 13 - WARLOCK 7

7th level Warlocks can finally activate Shadow Surge. Relentless Hex lets you mark a foe with Hex and then dash to them. And technically you can move Hex around after the fact to reset your dashes! And while you’re at it you may as well grab Dimension Door for Summoner Teleport.

You could also upgrade Summon Shadowspawn to Summon Aberration if you so desire, but Summon Shadowspawn is more than strong enough and far more fun and thematic.

LEVEL 14 - WARLOCK 8

Another Ability Score Improvement. Yay. Cap off your Charisma for the best spellcasting you can get out of Shadow. You can also learn another spell, but we’re going to wait for...

LEVEL 15 - WARLOCK 9

9th level Warlocks get another Eldritch Invocation: even if it’s kinda ineffective Ascendant Step is still pretty useful to have Shadow carry you around. I mean yeah it’s slow but not that much slower than walking for you, and Shadow can lift you up in the air. “Shadow; carry me...”

You can also learn 5th level spells. If one guy’s being particularly annoying Negative Energy Flood can get them to shut up and work for you. Alternatively if you want more Personal Space Antilife Shell is on the Undead List and will make sure normies keep faaaaar away.

LEVEL 16 - WARLOCK 10

Are you ever so sick of everything that you just want to explode? Necrotic Husk has two benefits: for one you’re resistant to Necrotic damage, and immune while in your Form of Dread because being around Viego for so long means you’re used to his work.

But additionally when you are reduced to 0 hit points you can use your reaction to drop to 1 hit point instead and cause your body to explode! Each creature of your choice within 30 feet of you takes 2d10 + your warlock level in Necrotic damage. You do gain 1 level of exhaustion after using this, and after using it once you can’t do so again until you finish 1d4 long rests. So I’d perhaps use Strength of the Grave first unless you really need to lash out.

I hope you weren’t expecting more spells because you aren’t getting them from Warlock: just a cantrip. By this point we’ve honestly got far too many cantrips so I dunno maybe just grab Prestidigitation again and swap it out from Sorcerer when you get the chance.

(Artwork by @DukkoArt on Twitter.)

LEVEL 17 - SORCERER 7

Finally back to our yordle roots: 7th level Sorcerers get 4th level spells like Storm Sphere for a sphere of darkness and angst. But I mean the real benefit is that you get more Sorcery points let’s be real.

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess. Spooky winds and stuff. Either this level or next level depending on your DM.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 8

Your last Ability Score Improvement... You’re gonna have to ask: what’s more important to me? More Metamagic, or more Eldritch Invocations? If Metamagic is to your liking take Metamagic Adept for Careful Spell and Distant Spell along with two more Sorcery points to use on them. If you like Eldritch Invocations though Eldritch Adept has a ton of options as a level 10 Warlock. I won’t tell you what invocation to take (they’re all great boosts but none of them shout out at me as something you should prioritize) as there are plenty of options to make your own Vex now that they’re all grown up.

I can at least tell you what spell to take: none of them! Wait until next level!

Oh and you can swap out Prestidigitation for Gust I guess.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means you’ve finally caught up to your Warlock slots. And look at that: the good wish Tasha gave you one last way to weaponize Shadow. Bigby’s Hand does a bunch of cool stuff and is pretty much the ultimate way to make Shadow crush some normies. (Most literally.) Alternatively if you want to borrow from Viego Enervation will let you heal from the mist and also do some damage. Great if you’re stuck in a corner with a bunch of annoying normies.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 10

Our final level is the 10th level of Sorcerer for one last spell, one last cantrip, and one last metamagic option! For your metamagic it’s honestly about time you take Quickened Spell to up your DPS. For your cantrip take Mold Earth to dig holes in the sand and brood. And as for your leveled spell? Honestly I just like Synaptic Static, and there isn’t much else I want anyways.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

We’re all doomed. But you’re more doomed - 5th level spells pack more than enough punch, and you’ve got plenty of them. Warlock slots will always be at your fingertips, and Sorcery points give you plenty of flexibility too!

I can feel it: someone’s happy over there! - Along with giving you a temporary hitpoint shield Form of Dread puts a nice bit of CC on all your abilities. Keep enemies scared and sad with tons of Doom and Gloom!

Ugh. Stop copying me Shadow! - Hounds of Ill Omen are cool. Summon Shadowspawn is also cool. Bigby’s Hand is especially cool. And hey: even your lower level Concentration spells like Hex? They’re pretty cool too.

CONS

Ughhhhhhhhhh this is gonna take foreeeever! - You’ve got limited fumes, even for a coffeelock. Form of Dread has limited uses and there’s only so much spell slot melting you can do to get your magic back.

I’m dancing... Happy? - You’ve got a really boring set of really normie skills... and if you’re playing Vex the way she’s meant to be played you’re probably not going to use any of them except for Intimidation.

Yup; the glass is half empty - Half your levels are Sorcerer levels, meaning you’re squishy. You’ve also got Mage Armor on which guess what: also means you’re squishy. People who hit teenagers sure are lame but it’s really not hard to Power Word Kill you.

But I guess you’re pretty cool overall. Shadow’s an alright partner and you can spread Ruination even without Viego. Trudge around and get people to frown for once. There’s nothing wrong with being sad, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting the world to be sad. But do try to at least be happy out of character, because we play games to have fun. I mean, who’d play a video game that just makes you depressed and angry?

(Artwork by @AzzylumArt on Twitter.)

[jeannedarkterraguard]

Exandria Unlimited episode 1 thoughts:

-it's wierd not having sam doing some crazy shit for the ad

-holy fuck! That intro is impressive

-starting out with inspiration? Wow!

-halfling fighter for liam? Interesting choice...

-Lisa just informed me that the air ashari have something to do with campaign 1 but refuses to tell me what exactly...

-dorian storm... blue skinned bard... i'm guessing air-genasi (mostly because of the name "storm") maybe water-genasi or triton?

-druid for ashley? Not what i was expecting. Also are they using faun just as another name for satyr or did they use a homebrew race?

-so fearne is clearly circle of wildfire right? With the fire spirit/monkey and her "not gentle" magic... i won't speculate on subclasses for characters that haven't chosen one yet but as a druid she already has one at level 2 soooo...

-i'm already in love with fearne...

-dariax and dorian... i can already tell that i'm going to confuse those two names a lot

-he's sleeping on a roof? Must have been a wild night

-a dwarf sorcerer? Cool, i love sorcerers. Probably the only full caster class (besides cleric but that's different) i ever considered playing as. No idea what his subclass could be though...

-"i'm gonna wash myself and my spear" -mathew mercer 2021

-and a warlock... that's a pretty caster-heavy party.

-okay but what race is opal? Human? (Half-) Elf? Aasimar? Maybe even kalashtar? Everything's possible and i'm exited to find out.

-do not try to outdrink the dwarf... yep my character sirene learned that the hard way too

-so opal peed on his spear... Mystery solved everyone! time to end the episode...

-okay now i'm in love with opal too. Screaming for food instead of just looking is... honestly relatable.

-and now she's screaming for her grandma. This is great

-not even an hour in and we're having a literal pissing contest... i'm already sad there's only gonna be 8 episodes because i know i'm gonna need more

-bacon lips? Bacon Lips?!? BACON LIPS?!?!? please tell me that's not a real thing

-matt just listing of city-names... in the world that he literally created 😆 he could just make them up on the spot and say they exist

-they're all just missing a week? Wow!

-time is a weird soup. I feel like essek would agree.

-"Ooh!" Let's file that under: 'things you don't want to hear from your DM after you make a saving throw'

-i know he said it's just decoration but wouldn't it be funny if that thing actually was a working compass and dariax just continually wanders north?

-holy shit! Dariax has just NO impulse control. I think matt is enjoying this

-the way ashley said 'insight check'. Fearne is just the cutest

-yep, just a gardener...

-oh my god! Now opal is screaming for the city guards.

-and now she's asking if they actually want the city guard to come... kinda late for that

-thordaks attack... this is now the third time that Lisa literally jumped up from the couch with joy and i have no idea why. I feel like i should watch campaign 1...

-one and a half hours in and the party decided to become criminals... i'm more and more convinced this is just a normal d&d campaign but as a speed-run

-wow, it kinda took me a second to realise that they're actually all siting at a table together in the uk'otoa bit

-orym is babysitting? Yeah that seems accurate

-common and elvish. So that rules out kalashtar and aasimar...

-yeah if you don't want people to bother you just carry around stuff and act like it's important to carry that stuff

-aand dariax has shit on his face... again.

-what the hell was that accent, fearne?

-he's got Bless? Divine soul sorcerer?

-wait do the players not know each others class? That sounds... potentially dangerous but admittedly also very fun

-"why are we all idiots?"🤣

-darkvision, blindsight and tremorsense?!? What the hell?!?

-well, good news is: they found the Crew...

-Yeah dariax. Put this obviously evil crown on. What's the worst that could happen?

-have you ever had such a bad day that when someone wiped blood on your shoulder your only thought was: 'Well at least it's not shit'?

-"Not infernal but you recognize the lettering" so i assume it's abyssal

-or just comic sans that's even more obviously evil

-500 PLATINUM!!!!!

-oh great now dorian is vomiting ichor

-chaotic good: vomit. Neutral good: nearly vomit. Chaotic neutral: nothing. So this thing doesn't like good alligned characters

-time is a sandwich now? I thought it was a weird soup

-ankheg? At level 2? Wow aabria wasn't lying when she said she wasn't afraid to kill them.

-"It's in a cage" Yeah sure but it can still spit acid and honestly i'm surprised it hasn't already

-no darkvision so yeah opal is a human

-illusory script... sharpie... Really what's the difference?

-"Let's make ourselves a little more suspicious" wow this episode is just full of great quotes

-initiative!!!

-first blood! Opal just atomized that dude

-wait so dariax has the crown in a papoose... i feel like i've seen something like that before on a different d&d show...

-okay opal is a hexblade warlock

-holy shit opal! That was brutal

-and matt gets the hdywtdt!

-opal how could you lie to your friends like that?!?

-could someone please heal dariax?!? That man is clearly suffering

-wait are they now stealing from poska?

-obliterating 4 dudes in less than a minute and then they take like half an hour to get through a door

-40 pounds of residuum? So that's another 20000 gold. Just to check: is the goal of this to accumulate so much money that it will colapse the economy, rendering all currency worthless?

-now i kinda want them to just randomly find a Baby somewhere

-we get post-credit scenes?

final thoughts: i really liked this episode and already can’t wait for the next. my favourite character so far are (perhaps unsurprisingly) fearne and opal. and while i don’t like dorian and orym as much that’s mostly because i’m just not a big fan of bards and fighters but i’m sure they will grow on me. Aabria’s DMing style (while substantially different from matts) is really fun and honestly it was barely noticable that Aimee and robbie were new to the game. Seeing Matt as a player was just great.

[bittybattybunny]

You know what? This has been on the back of my mind for awhile, but PLEASE EITHER POST A LINK TO YOU GOING OF ABOUT YOUR SOUL EATER WORLD BUILDING HEADCANONS, OR RAMBLE AWAY HERE BECAUSE I WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK, ESPECIALLY SINCE PART OF ME WANTS TO KNOW WHY YOU LOVE THE TRASH SWORD!!!!!!???????

KLFSJKFJKDSFKFD

THIS

THIS IS NOT THE ASK I AS EXPECTING TO GET

UMM

UUHHH

I DONT HAVE IT ANYWHERE ONLINE ABOUT WHY I LOVE HIM UM

I NEVER

THOUGHT SOMEONE WOULD ACTUALLY WANT TO KNOW??? UM UM IDK IF I CAN PUT IT ALL IN LIKE ONE POST??? IT'S UM

well, I have a lot of headcanons but the long-short is I just think he’s neat.

Um alright so since you specifically asked tho about Excalibur I can ramble a lil on my thoughts on him??

Alright buckle up; I have no idea how long this will get. Please understand I have been a member of the soul eater fandom since yen plus started translating it into English.

I do not really interact with the fandom (not really sure why I never did/do. I guess it’s just cuz when I got into the fandom I didn’t really have access to fandom spaces and by the time I did I wasn’t really sure about it.)

however, I have cosplayed as both Eurka Frog (and I met Todd Haberkorn!!! I chased him to an elevator and threw a fanart at him and then ran away. I did get him to sign a piece the next day. he’s super nice. I am very distressed I missed a chance to get a signed piece by Troy Baker and I really cannot express how upset I am by this. Like honest to god I am so upset. I had been in line I was ready I was so pumped-- and then my friend was like hey let's go he has a thing tomorrow you can do it then and like an idiot, I did and guess what wasn’t the next day? a troy baker signing. Sighs. He’s not been at any cons I've attended since so I’m so disheartened I will never get my annoying sword autograph) As well as Maka Albarn (IDK if I posted photos or not but I think it’s on my cosplay blog or on twitter)

Anyhow onto Excalibur and why I think he’s a pretty neat character.

We’re going into a read more cuz this is LONGGGGGG

Also Obviously I am going into spoiler territory

I pull info from both the anime and manga when it comes to my personal SE HCs. This is more evident in my Shinigami-Sama/Kishin headcanons but I’ll save those for another post if there’s actually an interest in it (as well as my Chrona is a Genie hc. that one is a shorter HC but yeah.) My friends who’ve sat and listened to me (and my sister who knows the show but isn't invested like I am. Like fun fact is even tho I don't do much fanart; anytime I see soul eater cosplayers or merch I like to get it.) say I’m pretty convincing so lol.

So Excalibur as a whole is set up to be this hella annoying, talks over you, egotistical, member of the great old ones, warlord of anger, most powerful weapon.

(ﺧ益ﺨ) 

in both the anime and manga he’s shown to always seem to stick to the same points when he talks. His legend begins in the 12th-century blah blah.

And his ridiculous list to become his meister.

Which set him up to be as you put “trash sword”

But I think it actually helps open something up.

So I, myself am a rambler when I’m nervous or excited. I will reiterate points when I’m frightened or upset (for my I tend to ramble on stupid factoids like octopus or my chronic illness)

And I kinda see this in Excalibur. Not a nervousness per se but that he’s purposely putting up a barrier between him and others.

He’s lonely.

He’s willing to cut down on the list of requirements for Kid and Black Star. Even with Ox he was asking to be taken. And He did partner with Hiro for a time.

He’s been in that cave for a long time. Since Asura pretty much.

How does a weapon who can pair to anyone and is as powerful as he is get shoved into a rock and left there just because he’s “annoying”

This always bugged me.

More so when we get moments later on when he’s like chatting with Death or Kid and he’s actually really serious. Like there’s no pretense, no interrupting. Like yes he does slightly interrupt when they aren’t listening or say something dumb but for the most part you see a completely different side to him.

This is what cemented in my head the fact the whole “annoying” bit is an act he does. He’s capable of emotions. He shows attachment to things like his legend.

Specifically that bit always made me think he really misses King Arthur. Like why else would he always fixate on that? like his legend begins sure but there’s more to it right? he never talks about his time with Shinigami and the old ones. Only his legend and then how he was such a wild child. but it lacks substance. The guy is over 800 years old there should be more he can ramble about.

So here’s where my headcanon takes a weird turn

but I think Excalibur.

Is the sorcerer Merlin.

A man born with a Grigori Soul and the ability to use magic. It’s shown Eibon and Excalibur tended to not get along. and Eibon based the demon weapons on Excalibur but wouldn’t tell him.

Excalibur isn’t counted as a demon weapon. he’s a holy sword.

There is no other record of a weapon like this.

I think Merlin, in an attempt to help his dear friend Arthur with his battles, turned himself into a powerful weapon to aide him. He’s an old one with the power of Madness of Anger. Anger can take many forms including possessive love. Wouldn’t it make sense for someone who knows they are strong to do everything they can for their loved one? I know I’ve been angry enough to kill for the ones I love. Like nothing makes me angrier than someone hurting someone i care about.

I think he was heartbroken to outlive the king. Clearly he doesn’t age and is super focused on the 12th century. I think it really hurt him.

Moving to another point

he’s selfish. Egotistical. but i think it’s another front. Like yes he has some pride obviously. But all his stories involve other people. Shouting fool at anyone who who deems worthy of the name.

People won’t care if you get hurt if you’re a dick.

You can’t get hurt if you aren’t close to people.

If not evidenced by my AHIT oc Eclipse and my baby Kai; I’m a sucker for self sacrificing in the name of love because you don’t see yourself worthy or love. (this is more self projecting than anything but I’m not gonna unpack that here)

I think Excalibur is the same way. he demands to walk in front of people. he wants to be the center of attention. But he won’t get close to others. He’ll take the burden on of being annoying and strong so people focus on him and others can sneak around.

So to sum up my personal headcanons:

Excalibur is a sorcerer named Merlin who had a powerful grigori soul and turned himself into a weapon to aide the man he was close to (and yes I’m 100% suggesting he had romantic feelings for Arthur. but Arthur was for Guinevere so he stood to the side and let them be) He plays up being an asshole because he doesn’t want to lose another person since he outlived Arthur.

Also i didn’t clarify the reason I say he has a grigori soul is due to the facts we know about them. Wings, Halo, purifying, rare. these traits are shared by Excalibur when he’s wielded. I think it’s a pretty cut and dry reason for why I say this ya know?

So Why do I like him?

I think he’s a character who gets written off as a joke superficially but when you sit and reread the manga or rewatch the anime and pay close attention to him; there’s actually a lot there to unpack and enjoy. I think he’s a deep character who puts up a front to protect himself but slowly warms up (I mean heck he’s clearly running around by the end of the manga. and people aren’t screaming)

So thanks for coming to my ted talk I love Excalibur and I don’t care if I’m the only one who does.

Also if curious, my fanstory “Fuller” which has my oc Mira and Excalibur as the main focus actually takes place post Manga and stuff.

Um I guess tho if you want to hear my two cents on anything else soul eater you can ask too I have a bunch of other theories like how Kishin are actually a race not just demonic souls and how soul types show there’s more in the world than we get shown (like look at Free. He’s an immortal werewolf. what’s up with that? and Maka had a Genie hunter during a resonance which means those exist and then there’s teh thing with witches and then blair is a weird existence and just. look. I have a lot of feelings for this even tho I don’t post much on it.)

I just love soul eater okay

[goldenworldsabound]

Philly’s playlist has 25 songs in it because I love him! Every day is an exercise in not adding more LHFEHJ

Some explanations under the cut!

Control ft Nick Nikon

The theme of the song is working through difficulty and being stronger than it, in a way, and it's got good vibes and feels very Philly. Like each challenge just makes me strong fuck you vibes. "No peace without violence" speaks to me as a lyric here because Philly wants peace to a degree but he has to kill a lot of people to get there due to having a huge bounty on his head (which he sort of deserves but you know).

Regardless (from Cannon Busters)

It's the end credits. It's also got fairly applicable lyrics. Self explanatory, However,

Even though, we been down this road

And I know it's far from flawless

You'll be comin' home regardless

Relationships take work and ours is no exception. Sort of reference to the time we spent apart and how we always come back together, after anything that separates us.

Weapon

This song makes me feel VERY STRONG and like we're kicking ass together. We're both really fucking dangerous.

When they say I'm a machine gun

I take it as a compliment

Honey, you should know

I can be your weapon

It kinda fits either of us honestly, we're both really protective and will do anything to protect the other person

Help I'm Alive

This songs seems both ironic and appropriate for immortals. Really like all of these lyrics are applicable for the idea of like, we're alive, our hearts won't stop beating because we can't die, but if we're together it's okay you know? But there's also a freneticness to be alive.

If you're still alive

My regrets are few

If my life is mine

What shouldn't I do?

I get wherever I'm going

I get whatever I need

While my blood's still flowing

And my heart's still beating like a hammer

Beating like a hammer

Patience Gets Us Nowhere Fast

To me this song speaks to how Philly especially feels when he meets me and his world starts to change. Life feels a bit more worth living. "Even the sunlight doesn't feel this good." There's a lot of like, let's be together, let's take a chance, let's do it! And it kinda speaks to the way we're both hesitant but really want this love thing.

I want it all and nothing less

I want it all, I want the best for us

I'm telling you to trust

The world you see is on our side

Take a chance and take a ride with me

From sea to shining sea

Like it's just so soft and sweet and it feels like Philly's inner monologue to me ;w;

Trampoline (with ZAYN)

This song just feels super Philly to me. I've talked about it before but this song is angst material. It's just. Big oof but also perfect. It's not really about our relationship but just about him.

Wait if I'm on fire

How am I so deep in love?

When I dream of dying

I never feel so loved

The idea that he dreams about dying because he dies all the time. The fact that he likely has trauma over this, and how it must've fucked him up pretty bad. It's just. Hngh.

Regain Control

It's the right time (to rise up to the top)

Prime time (cause we can't get enough)

And fight for (this city that we made)

To take back (the power that you crave)

This song is just like COOL VIBES very fight-y vibes and the lyrics match that. It's really easy to imagine fighting side by side to this song. Additionally it has angst that can kind of reference the time in our relationship where he got me my immortal - that caused me to leave him for a bit as I grappled with it. See the following lyrics: Can't get enough

Of your love

But to save you now, I gotta give it up

Give it up, give it up

Baby Come Back

Sort of a joke song but also it's got the twangy cowboy outlaw vibes to it. Also this line specifically, "She's so cute, and really cool" it's just like, Philly trying to describe me and like he's just struck for words FWEJKFHWJE the rest of the lyrics don't necessarily apply but the vibes are good.

4 Wheels 9 Lives

No lyrics, but this song slaps and it's also just very Cannon Busters vibes. Very cowboy outlaw on the road kinda vibes. Easy to imagine lots of shenanigans with him and I and this plays in the background.

Get Free

This song just screams Philly going absolutely bonkers driving around just doing whatever he wants having a good time but also like an existential crisis HFJWEHFJE classic right. There's not a lot to the lyrics but like, "Drive you around the corner"  and "She never loved (x3) why should anyone?" just feel very Philly to me idk. It's very upbeat song.

Save Me From Myself

This song is a little angsty but it has good vibes. It makes me think of a vulnerable late night chat by the fire out at night. But still covering up the hurt with jokes and other deflections.

Still it's 48 hours without rest

Burning sensation in my chest

Never would admit that I'm depressed

'Cause I was raised to take the bitter with a twist

and also

The pain is real, my laughter is pretend

So I light the matches, ready to forget

There's also a lot in the verses about sparking up the fire and that sort of thing hence the particular imagine. And sort of asking for help and acceptance but continuing to deflect.

Don't Let Me Go

This has very similar vibes to the above. Like being vulnerable with some deflections in place. Also a little sexy.

And it's all about the way you feel

When you first take off your heels,

And then your clothes;

Don't let me go.

And when all has come and made its deal,

And then everything get's real,

And i'm still froze...

Don't let me go.

Vulnerability in two flavors - the physical layers of clothing, and this repeated line throughout the entire song of "don't let me go". His emotional vulnerability. My emotional vulnerability. All the things coming together.

RBB (Really Bad Boy)

...what can I say, he's a really bad boy LKFWEHFJKW. It's fun and it's sexy and that's it that's all I have for you it gives me a lot of images of him smirking and giving me naughty glances and being a flirty lad.

Rescue Me

We really out here rescuing each other all the damn time. It's pretty straightforward.

Would you rescue me? Would you get my back?

Would you take my call when I start to crack?

Would you rescue me? Uh

Would you rescue me?

Would you rescue me when I'm by myself?

When I need your love, if I need your help

Would you rescue me? Uh

Would you rescue me?

Circles

This is very much about like, the circles we run around each other before we get together. We both kind of cycle through like, should I try to make this work? And wanting distance because we can feel we're falling in love but don't know how the other person feels. So we circle that way. I realize that's not exactly what the lyrics are about but the vibe it gives off works for that even though the lyrics aren't an exact match.

Lightspeed (IMLAY remix)

This gives me really big feelings like. It's a very intense song but like it's like man things are fucked up but maybe we can fix it if we work together.

We're moving faster than light while

We're dealing with these demons inside so

Where are the ones who made us now!?

Maybe we got to do better

Maybe we've got to do it together and

Maybe we lost our way somehow

And maybe maybe means never

"Where are the ones who made us now" to me is just like...we were made immortal by sorcerers and magic that seems to have disappeared from the world, but also like...the world that continues to hunt us and has forced us to keep running, you know? and the we've got to do it together is just like ;w; us coming together and working to make life worth living and all...hngh...it touches my heart a lot and also it's a really good song with good energy.

Never Game Over

Ride I'm gonna ride the lightning

Danger feel the danger rising

Never it's never game over

Wild I am a wild eyed thriller

Dragon I'm a dragon killer

Never it's never game over

It is LITERALLY never game over for us cause we keep coming back to life. We always find a way to win against every single bad odd. Also a fucking bop to imagine fight scenes to.

Reckless Tongue

The wording and tone in this just scream Philly.

I've got a reckless tongue

What are you bothering me for

It's gonna look bad on you

I've got a big old gun

What are you laughing at me for

It's gonna look bad on, you

It's also kind of about trying to flirt with a girl but being interrupted and failing and getting frustrated and it very much just...it feels Philly.

Legend

I'm a living legend

You ain't heard yet? You not get the message?

From the moment that I step in it, I get a couple weapons

Yeah, I turn into a beast when I'm repping

Again, just flawless lyrics for Philly being a cocky shit.

Ride It

...this song is just very sexy okay...>///>

People = Shit (Richard Cheese cover)

Okay but like I don't know the original song at all but the loung cover of it IS HILARIOUS to imagine like Philly wandering around a bar starting fights and killing people. Like a musical number! It would be great.

Paralyzer

Well, I'm not paralyzed

But, I seem to be struck by you

I wanna make you move

Because you're standing still

If your body matches

What your eyes can do

You'll probably move right through

Me on my way to you

I really catch him off guard. The lyrics aren't a perfect match, but the way he just is totally struck by me over and over...I can keep of with him, he thinks I'm gorgeous all of that is like lightning to him.

Ain't No Rest For The Wicked

Okay definitely added this at least partially for the aesthetic. Like it just has cowboy outlaw vibes. And of course the lyrics, "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked" are extremely pertinent right? It's a bit ironic because the full lyric is, "ain't no rest for the wicked, until we close our eyes for good". Which we never will. So it's the kinda thing we say with a wry smirk before killing someone you know feel?

Trouble

Trouble on my left, trouble on my right

I've been facing trouble almost all my life

My sweet love, won't you pull me through?

Everywhere I look I catch a glimpse of you

I said it was love and I did it for life

Did-did it for you

Hoo boy this is just big Us. Like yeah we're surrounded by trouble nonstop but we get through it with each other!

Black and Gold

This song gives me mega feelings about the time Philly and I spend apart after he gets me turned immortal to save my life.

'Cause if you're not really here

Then the stars don't even matter

Now I'm filled to the top with fear

That it's all just a bunch of matter

'Cause if you're not really here

I don't want to be either

I wanna be next to you

Black and gold, black and gold, black and gold

Like oof just both of feeling like...what's the point in this immortality if we aren't together? But unwilling to reach out because we're afraid. Because that would be a huge step for how bad of terms we left on.

Additionally the song has really big vibes for stargazing which is definitely a thing for us, particularly when we're apart.

[backpfeifenguy]

All in your head chapter 2

“Care to explain what happened out there?” Robin asked, his tone stern. Oh, ain’t no way he’s letting you stay on the team after this.

“I screwed up and took a hit,” Beast Boy replied grouchily. “Explanation over.” You can’t tell them the truth! They’ll stick you in a mental hospital!

“You screwed up?” Cyborg scoffed. “Fighting the god-damned hunter from Bloodborne? I’ve seen you play that game, B; you know the Saw Cleaver’s attack patterns inside and out.” Translation; you’ve wasted way too much  of your life playing videogames for your excuse to check out.

“What, so now I’m not allowed to make mistakes?” Beast Boy demanded. “I can’t fuck up once, one single time, without everybody jumping up my ass?” Yeah, fuck these guys!

“That’s not what we meant and you know it!” Robin shouted.

“No, you’re right!” Beast boy snarled. “Next time I should just dress up like a villain and beat up the whole team!” Yeah, hit’em where it hurts! “Or maybe I could quit the team over a stupid argument, right Cyborg?” Keep going, don’t let up! “Reconnecting with family members that just happen to be dangerous psychopaths worked out great for Star!” He glared at Raven. (no) Yes! “Or maybe I should just jump-start the apocalypse!” At that, he saw Raven flinch slightly. Wow. You’re a dick.

“We were only concerned for your wellbeing, friend Beast Boy.” Starfire said in a small voice.

“I…” Beast Boy sighed. “I know, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff about you guys.” Well duh! Asshole. “I’ve just been in kind of a rotten mood lately.”

“I get it,” Cyborg shrugged. “We all have bad days sometimes.” You more than others. “So how about you fill us in on what’s eating you?”

“I dunno dude,” Beast Boy muttered. “I just kinda feel like I can’t do anything right.” Because you can’t! Just today you slept in, wrecked your toothbrush, nearly died fighting Control Freak, and were a dick to your friends!

“Well, we all feel like that sometimes,” Robin said, his tone solemn and his face telling Beast Boy that he wasn’t especially comfortable with the subject matter. “Just remember; it’s all in your head.” Heh.

With that, his friends left the infirmary. Except for Raven. “Beast Boy, we need to talk.” Panic!

“Sure thing Rae,” Beast Boy replied, forcing himself to sound relaxed. “We ended our conversation early this morning anyway.” Yeah, play it cool man, don’t let her know what’s going on! Hell, YOU don’t know what’s going on!

“And we can pick up where we left off later.” Raven said plainly. “Right now there’s something more important I need to talk to you about.” Does she know?

“Oh?” Beast Boy cocked an eyebrow. “And what might that be?” Oh god, the eyebrow. So lame.

“When we were fighting Control Freak, I felt a disturbance in your aura.” Raven explained. She knows! This is bad!

“Well, I did get opened up with a giant saw.” Beast Boy chuckled. Play it off, make a joke about it! Don’t let her know the truth!

“I felt it before you were hit.” Raven replied bluntly. Fuck! Lie to her, now! (no) Do it!

“A giant saw coming at you can be kind of scary.” Beast Boy shrugged. Kind of a weak lie, dude. Still, it’s built around how pathetic you are, so at least it’s got that.

“It wasn’t fear.” Raven said matter-of-factly. “I felt confusion, frustration, a lot of unhappiness, and even some acceptance, but no fear, so sense of self-preservation at all” She took Beast Boy’s hand and looked him in the eye. “Beast Boy, did you want to get hit?” She knows everything! (good) Deny everything, throw her off the trail, do something!

“Are you nuts?” Beast Boy scoffed, snatching his hand away. “Why the hell would I want to take a hit like that?” That’s it right, deny everything.

“I was just making sure you were okay.” Raven said in an unusually conciliatory tone.

“And you decided to do that by calling me crazy?” Beast Boy retorted angrily. “Real nice.”

“I wasn’t calling you crazy.” Raven replied calmly. “Or at least, that wasn’t my intention.”

“Whatever.” Beast Boy muttered sullenly. “Can we please just change the subject?”

“Fine,” Raven sighed. “I believe we were discussing which character you liked better?” Wow, she didn’t put up much of a fight, huh? I mean, she thinks you might be going crazy and she just drops it?

“Well, I like Crowley, but I think I prefer Aziraphale.” Beast Boy answered. “He doesn’t really know what he’s doing, but he still manages to help people. That feels… right.” You only like him better because you never know what you’re doing. The difference is, you’re not much help.

“I can see that,” Raven replied. “And I certainly like Aziraphale as a character. But it’s how hard Crowley has to work that appeals to me.”

“How hard he works?” Beast Boy asked, genuinely perplexed.

“He’s a demon.” Raven elaborated. “It’s not completely black and white, but the fact is that doing good isn’t easy for him.” She seemed contemplative. “He had to go against his nature to do the right thing, and that feels… special to me.”

“He reminds you that where you come from isn’t where you’ll end up.” There was a moment of silence, during which Beast Boy wondered where he’d got that from, before he began to suspect that it might have been his own.

“...Well put.” Raven said simply.

“It happens every now and then.” Beast Boy shrugged.

“You saying something insightful?”

“Yep.” Beast Boy chuckled. “Occasionally.”

“You’d tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” Raven asked, her tone unusually earnest.

“Nothing’s wrong,” Beast Boy insisted. “Except for the injury, of course.”

“Are you sure?” Raven asked, looking him dead in the eye again.

“Relax,” Beast Boy said, darting around the promise. “I feel better already.” It was only a moment later, after Raven had left the room, that he realised that he really did.

Cyborg was pleased to see his best friend in higher spirits; the Grass Stain had a way of being unhappy that worried him enormously, and that was without getting carved up. “Hey, B!” He exclaimed cheerfully. “You up for a couple rounds?”

“What’s the game?” Beat Boy asked, throwing himself onto the couch.

“Oh, you know what the game is.” Cyborg replied, grinning hugely.

“MORTAL KOMBAT!” They shouted as one.

“My boy Sub-Zero is taking you down!” Cyborg boasted.

“No way dude,” Beast Boy scoffed. “You know how this goes. Everybody have fun tonight!”

“Everybody Shang Tsung tonight!” It wasn’t just Beast Boy and Cyborg who sang the green shapeshifter’s parody of Wing Chun Tonight, it was everyone in the tower: Starfire belting it out full force, Robin chuckling and rolling his eyes, even Raven joining in, muttering it from behind her book.

“Man, you sure do love you some Shang Tsung.” Cyborg smirked.

“Gee, I wonder why.” Beast Boy deadpanned, expertly handling the shape-shifting sorcerer.

“Don’t you get enough shape-shiftin’ already?” Cyborg asked.

“It’s not the same,” Beast Boy shrugged. “I can’t do people.” You can imitate any animal except a human being.

“Whatever man,” Cyborg shrugged. “You only take him to be a troll anyway.” Yeah, he’s kind of right.

“A troll who just won the first round!” Beast Boy crowed.

“You got lucky!” Cyborg scoffed.

“Oh yeah?” Beast Boy demanded. “And what about this?” He executed a flawless combo.

“Okay, that was pretty good.” Cyborg conceded. “But this is better!” With that, he launched a combo of his own.

Cyborg ended up winning the second round, so the game carried into the third and final, which Beast Boy one by a magic pixel.

“Hey Cy, you know what happens now, right?” Beast Boy grinned.

“Aw, no man! Don’t do it!”

“I’mma do it!”

“Don’t you do me like this B!”

Beast Boy hit a few buttons, and Shang Tsun possessed Sub-Zero, forcing him to rip his own head off. “I did it.”

“Best two out of three?” Cyborg suggested meekly.

“No can do,” Beast Boy replied, his eyes fixed on the clock. “I’ve got a date, and I should really be getting ready.”

“Oh, so you had time to get a lucky win, but not defend the title?” Cyborg muttered. “I see how it is…” He chuckled. “Seriously though, have fun.”

“That’s the plan!” Beast Boy laughed, running for the bathroom.

Well, I think I speak for everybody when I say we all saw coming. “You’re dumping me?” Beast Boy whimpered. “But why?”

“I’m not dumping you.” Janet insisted. “It’s not your fault.” It’s your fault; she’s the brilliant, adventurous blonde beauty, and you’re the you. “It’s me; I just can’t do this anymore.”

“Can’t keep doing what?” Beast Boy asked, confusion warring with misery. Can’t keep pretending that your ugly face doesn’t make her want to puke.

“This, all of this!” There was a slight edge to Janet’s voice. “You’re part of this whole world that I can’t be a part of. Sometimes I won’t hear from you for days, weeks even! And then when you come back there’s always some new scar you don’t want to talk about, or you flinch when I say a certain word, or duck when a car backfires.” Beast Boy realised with a shock that there were tears in her eyes. “And then there’s this latest thing. You nearly died.” Fighting Control Freak no less. “I’m sorry, but it’s just too much; these last three months have been great, but I can’t be a soldier’s wife.”

“If that’s really how you feel, then I guess this is goodbye.” Beast Boy sighed. It was always going to end like this and you know it. Just be grateful she’s getting out alive; getting close to you isn’t exactly healthy. (no) What’s the score at now? Both parents and a girlfriend, right? With countless near misses for your closest (no) friends and your adopted family, of course. Not to mention civilians, no telling how many of them have gotten hurt because of you, and hell, even a few villains have come close; Adonis might be a piece of shit, but it’s still pretty fucked up that you nearly killed him just because you can’t (no) control yourself. What was it you said again? “I’m not a man, I’m an animal!” Well, when a wild animal is allowed near people, those people get hurt. You know that, but you can’t help it, can you? You still want her to stay around. Selfish (no) prick.

Beast Boy didn’t talk to anybody when he got home; he just went up to his room in silence, turned on his stereo and played music loud enough that he couldn’t hear himself cry.

“It’s not enough that I love you, there’s all these things I have to prove to you…”

[mapsmonstersamazing]

Wild Magic!

So this is the first thing I’m putting up of my own -  a 100-item wild magic table!

Yeah, I kinda like the sorcerer class in 5e, and I love the use of wild magic. But it feels like such a ridiculously specific use of a table which could bring some interesting chaos into a game. Do any DMs use wild magic for other situations? Perhaps an area badly affected by a magical war, where natural magic is latent; or a vengeful god warning a follower that their faith is waning? 

However it can be used, here’s my very rough, still-very-much-in-progress wild magic table:

0: The current environment, up to 1 mile, is reshaped in your image.

1: Every other party member grows vestigial dragon wings.

2: Your spell fizzles; the person you aimed it at is in love with you now.

3: you summon a gun into your hands, it replaces any weapons you are currently wielding.

4: Goomba squish! When you cast 1st-level-or-higher offensive spells, you deal the damage by leaping on the target and squishing them. All damage is the same, but now after you cast your spell you automatically move next to the target.

5: whenever you open your mouth to speak, banjo music plays. This effect ends after 24 hours.

6: the spell that activated this effect is cast again, on the same target.

7: your race is now "wombatling". You have the appearance of a humanoid wombat. Your size is small, you can gnaw through thin wood, burrow 20ft, and you gain +1 AC when your back is to the attacker.

8: You are constantly pessimistic when you speak.

9: You meet your doom. But it isn't your doom yet - the thing which will kill you appears before you for one round/6 seconds, and you comprehend that this will be your downfall when you meet it.

10: The next battle or negotiation you are involved in becomes a cooking challenge. Whoever cooks the better meal wins.

11: The ground shakes and quakes. Before you, a hole opens up and reveals an ancient urn filled with copper coins.

12: You turn into a raven for one round.

13: You are slaved to the party member with the most hp; for the next hour, you copy their moves exactly.

14: Anyone within fifty feet of you has a broom appear in their hands. They roll WIS against your spell save; if they fail, they believe they are a street sweeper now (save ends).

15: the cover of all your books turns into "embezzlement for dummies". Every book in your inventory has the exact same cover, and is now the exact same size too. Effect ends when you kill the author, Saldiar Twofang.

16: your gold pieces turn into very high quality forgeries.

17: You gain the favour of a great fiend! When you next make a melee attack, a demonic arm aids you with fiery claws. Add +lvl d8 damage to your attack.

18: every building now has a poster with your face on it. It's not a wanted poster, it's just a plain poster with your face. There is no context for this.

19: gain proficiency in mining.

20: Happy birthday! It's your birthday all of a sudden. Everyone you meet wishes you happy birthday and gives you a small present. There is cake.

21: your face becomes an exposed steel skull. On the one hand, your terrifying visage gives you advantage on intimidate and +1 ac. On the other, disadvantage on all other charisma checks.

22: turn into three goblins in a trench coat. CON save DC15 ends.

23: the spell you cast to cause this effect has a purple aura. You can now change your hair colour at will. If your character did not have hair before, they now sport a cool cyberpunk hairstyle.

24: your hair colour changes based on mood. If your character did not have hair before this, they grow a moustache.

25: For the next three turns, you're an equally levelled barbarian in mid-rage.

26: You and everyone in your sightline are teleported to the middle of a busy market in a port city on the edge of a desert.

27: You have no context for it, but an arcade cabinet appears half-buried in the ground in front of you. It still functions, but you can't reach the coin slot as it's underground.

28: lose a skill proficiency in a skill with your best attribute. Gain proficiency in two skills that don't use your best attribute.

29: You turn into a small red dragon.

30: a mysterious envelope appears in your hands. It's an invitation to a murder mystery party.

31: You shrink. Change your size class to tiny. Your clothes and belongings shrink with you. Effect ends when you use a spell of any level higher than the spell that caused this. If the spell was level 9, another level 9 spell reverts the effect.

32: You grow huge. Change your size class to huge. Your clothes and belongings grow with you. Effect ends when you're knocked unconscious.

33: roll 3d6 for the next thirty seconds. The numbers you roll are your strength score for the days following, equal to the number of rolls you managed.

34: The entire party is spontaneously nude, and their charisma scores are all 18 or above, for the next hour.

35: Every melee attack you make is directionally explosive. Deal +1d10 force damage when you attack with a melee weapon. Effect ends after the next persuasion check.

36: You gain the ability to cast silent spells. Which is good, because you're mute for the next day.

37: Gruumsh One-Eye appears before you, gives you the finger, and disappears.

38: The target of your next spell also receives a pot of healing gumbo. It heals 1d6 hp when consumed and has 10 uses.

39: All fighters are affected by wild magic. When using a fighter ability gained above third level they must roll on the wild magic table too.

40: a bucket of ice water falls on you as you cast the spell.

41: An elf appears beside you and reassures you that everything is going to be okay.

42: whenever you make a ranged attack with a weapon, such as a crossbow or longbow, gold coins fall out of the target on hit.

43: unresolved romantic tension within a mile radius is forthrightly resolved.

44: You gain a robot friend! If you roll this again, you lose a robot friend. The cycle continues.

45: You burn all your spell slots at once. Roll all necessary damage dice against a target, and armour and buff effects stack. Roll all necessary wild magic rolls - if this one comes up again add another d12 damage.

46: You summon a flock of angry, biting geese in the square next to the one targeted by your spell. They attack the nearest target with +2 to hit and deal 1d6 damage.

47: the target of your spell turns into a stone giant.

48: demonic possession! The target of your spell is possessed by a demon and deals an extra 1d6 fire damage when using a melee weapon, but they must make a WIS save DC14 to perform the actions they want.

49: Your offensive spells, upon hit, now split off into two smaller spells which fire at 90 degree angles to the original spell.

50: Bisect one enemy.

51: You are hunted by a demon. It appears in the middle of your next battle, sets up a chess set, and stops time. You must defeat this demon in chess or face him in battle.

52: You make a deal.

53: If you're in a battle, the fighting stops as everybody takes their union mandated five minute break. If you're not in battle, a fight breaks out as the people around you begin their union mandated five minute fight club.

54: Your skin becomes transparent. Everyone can see your insides, giving you disadvantage on charisma checks. But everyone gets advantage on medicine checks to heal you.

55: You no longer get drunk. Alcohol heals you for 1d4HP. Drinking any other potion ends this effect.

56: You split the earth in two. A jagged crack runs down the ground between your legs, before widening to 10 feet and forcing you to choose a side.

57: You summon a frigate into the space around you. It puts you into the cannon deck - if the space is not large enough to accommodate an entire ship, it takes up space around the room, expanding to other rooms or filling out through the earth.

58: any metal scraps attach themselves to your body, granting you +1AC.

59: You are somehow really easy to hit. Take -1AC.

60: You're suddenly a sprite in a top-down shooter. For two rounds your height is zero and ranged attacks have disadvantage against you, but your ranged and melee attacks have disadvantage against their targets because they're literally non-existent on one plane of vision.

61: Everyone in a 20ft radius has true strike cast on them. Attacks by those affected have advantage.

62: A pit opens up beneath the target of your spell and drops them five feet behind their original location. If there is a wall or obstruction, they are instead dropped at the opposite end of the space, in front of the next obstruction.

63: Everyone turns into mice. No, literally everyone. All locations are three times larger. Stats are unchanged. Your race is still the same, but you add "-mouse" to the end of it.

64: the target of your spell falls asleep.

65: Your party members gain your-level+1 temporary hit points. When they are struck by a melee attack while they have these hit points, they deal those hit points as damage on the attacker. This effect only ends when they take damage which costs them their temporary hit points.

66: You clone yourself. Your clone is a perfect copy of you in every way, except it has longer hair and better style, and it can't cast spells.

67: your rations turn into ham sandwiches. They taste okay.

68: the target of your spell becomes trapped in a glass dome. It is constantly ringing inside, incapacitating them unless they overcome a constitution save vs your spell save DC.

69: your character swaps gender and their charisma, if not already maxed out, is set to 20. Effect ends after a long rest.

70: everything is eighties! The atmosphere and scenery becomes dystopian and neon, crossbows become future-guns and shortbows and longbows are composite. Melee weapons get a retro-future style. If this has already been rolled - or is already the case - the whole thing reverts to high fantasy.

71: somebody betrays you.

72: You're made of fire! Melee attacks deal 1d6 damage to the attacker, and you deal 1d6 extra damage.

73: worms tumble from your clothing. They're silkworms. They follow you around and attempt to cocoon you. They must swarm over you for an hour to cocoon you. If they succeed, you are cocooned for 24 hours, provided no one intervenes, at which point you emerge with beautiful butterfly wings.

74: Roll your level d6. Add the total to your total HP.

75: Lose your temper with your party.

76: Your body parts separate. Treat each part as a separate entity with your stats. You can perform six separate attacks, but you must use both arms and your head to cast a spell. A restoration or healing spell reverts you back to your form, minus any parts that were "killed".

77: whenever you hit an enemy with a melee attack, they make a glockenspiel sound.

78: You turn into a robot. You do not need to eat, drink or sleep, and are immune to poison and disease, and resistant to fire, ice, and physical attacks. However you are vulnerable to water and electricity damage, and healing has no effect on you - instead you must be fixed with intelligence checks of a DC equal to your level + the value of your last hit dice.

79: your arms turn into bear arms. They are very fluffy and soft.

80: one of your weapons melts. It isn't hot, it's just liquid.

81: You grow three feet taller and turn blue.

82: You shrink three feet and turn blue.

83: for the next minute your hands are constantly shooting out fireworks.

84: All of your gold pieces turn into healing potions.

85: All of your healing potions turn into poison. They're very clearly labelled as poison, however.

86: as you cast the spell that causes this effect, you summon a cheeseburger. It drops into your hand. It's still warm.

87: You're made of paper. Halve your total HP, gain vulnerability to fire AND water, but conversations you hear are automatically written onto your skin. Gain advantage on persuade checks. Effect ends when you gain a level.

88: the DM asks you to think of your characters favourite place. Instead of the spell that caused this effect, you cast teleport. The target of your spell is teleported to your character's favourite place.

89: You can shoot ink from your hands as a defensive mechanism.

90: A bell tolls somewhere. Your hair turns white, you age one hundred years but do not die, and you are covered in cobwebs.

91: a maze grows up around you, leaving you in a dead end. It is made of whatever material the ground is made from, and can be affected as such.

92: two crows land on your shoulders. You can see through their eyes via a psychic link.

93: instead of the spell you cast, birdseed shoots from your hands at the target. Next turn, birds land on the target. You do not lose the spell slot.

94: stalks of corn grow in a 30 ft radius around the caster.

95: Everyone is now wearing a mask.

96: Everyone is now wearing fancy party clothing.

97: Everyone is wearing party hats.

98: your soul separates from your body. You can move around as a ghost but it takes a DC 12 WIS save to return to your body.

99: nothing happens. You are safe... for now.

[trpg-dingusmaster]

Dnd tonight and I ended up in another weird homebrew. Very similar to others this kid had tried and failed at. I’m guessing he’s just recycling the parts which is a good idea.

It’s basically earth 80-180 years after the icecaps melted and flooded most of the world but ny other climate inconsistencies is explained as “because magic” because climate change apocalypse isn’t something this kid bothered to read much into. I think it only has this backdrop of earth because having real world locations to build off of makes it easier for him to describe. Otherwise it’s just standard fantasy setting with lots of water everywhere.

No race or class restrictions this time which is weird for this dm. I was torn between a tiefling I might use in a horde of the dragon queen game online or tweaking an old character from somebody else’s homebrew to use here. I went with the old one and turned him into a real nasty boy, a lawful evil (maybe chaotic neutral) shadow sorcerer black dragonborn.

There living weapons with the souls of hero’s/historical figures in them, nonsense paranormal phenomena like a severed hand that is alive (like thing from Addams family??), time sometimes stops working when plot things happen like a major antagonist dies.

Some things that happened:

“ I cast friends on the prisoner so I can have advantage on intimidation because... that’s a charisma skill right? So that counts? Cool. I say, -my friend, I’m gonna acid breath your legs off you don’t tell us what we want to know. I really want to. I WANT to acid breath your legs off. But, my friends here? They’d rather not. Don’t make me disappoint them. Help them help you.- 14+3+2... 19?”

“Can I roll for tax evasion?”

“I scream at the ghost to get out because this is MY room and I paid for it so get out or I’m calling security.” Its a ghost?? What??? “Yeah its all the same shit to me... shadow sorcery fucked me up a bit.”

There was some tension between 13yo and bigot but I’m not sure exactly why other than bigot is just a shitstain which might be the whole of it.

There was another kid, I never played with him before but I’ve heard about him. He got booted temporarily from the AL group chat for spamming his incredible and often overwhelming enthusiasm. I love the spirit, love the excitement. But. Dude needs to calm down a bit.

He used a character voice, which not many of us do but I don’t mind mostly nobody minds it? Others dislike that a bunch. The problem here however was the voice being very hard to understand. He also wouldn’t sit down or stay in his space as much as we would have liked. gesturing wildly is perfectly reasonable and fine but that wasn’t enough he had to also get up and run around the room? Often getting behind the dm screen and getting in everyone space on that side of the table. We mentioned he needed to at least stay seated unless like gotta get food, drink, take a bathroom break, getting a whisper, and so on but otherwise please keep to your own space. But wild exaggerated gestures are fine, voices are fine.

It’s not a: I’ll never play with this asshole kinda thing because I dunno how much of that was something he knows how to control or knows that it’s overwhelming for other people so I’ll wait to form a further opinion on him.

[nemossubmarine]

Knights of the Night Sky 17

Hey, it’s the very exposition heavy first session of the final arc of KoNS, cos how else can you get your plot across, hmm?

We start with where we left off, with the fallen god and Bard.

Lutharin, Dophina, and Jeff have come to check out the fall-site and as soon as Dophina recognizes the person as Pholtus, she calls Kendrick over, so Kasbir is left alone with Bard.

Kendrick asks Pholtus if he is hurt. Which he is not, so that’s good I guess. Aside from that, he says he’d rather get out of direct sunlight before he starts explaining things.

Meanwhile, along with Bard, Kasbir finds out he is not the best comforter, as Bard is complaining about feeling empty and slowly breaking down. Breathing exercises are what happens.

We skip to the Knight’s HQ, where Joan and Mairin have been expecting our heroes. They have not, however, expected Pholtus.

There has been reports of sun elves going missing and gods falling, and also Lir has been sick and sulking, which might be related?

Pholtus says that he has called some friends over and they’ll explain everything then, so there has to be some waiting.

Joan pulls Kendrick aside when they enter the HQ and tells him that Skylar had contacted her, telling that Elpidios, Kendrick’s brother has gone missing as well, despite not appearing elven.

Oh yeah! I actually throw some magic items at my players for once. Six items are divided between the players.

While waiting, there’s some time to talk with people, so that’s what happens.

Mairin, who has been a mentor and a friend to Kasbir, takes Kasbir around the HQ, since this is Kasbir’s first visit. They exchange some pleasantries, but Mairin is really curious about why Kasbir has left the ship. Kasbir says that as he had to go on land for a long time for the first time, it made him consider about seeing the sights and getting a feel there, he is, however, not at all into Underdark, where Mairin has been sending her years.

Mairin says that if he ever wants to join the Knights officially, she’ll make sure to arrange it.

She also says she’ll introduce Kasbir to Lir, who’s grumpy and hasn’t been around.

The first party of people arrives. These are Moradin and Ulaa, a godly couple and with them Natalain Thedi, Lutharin’s monastery’s leader’s brother.

Natalain has received fancy new legs from Moradin (Kendrick cut them off), he has also received a quite heavy glow effect from Ishran, the sun god.

He successfully resisted the call of the sun god, partly because he is half wood elf, and partly because he is a sorcerer specialized in sun magic.

His brother, the monk Tassarion, did not however resist and has been taken. The irony of this is not lost.

Natalain is here to help as an expert of sun magic.

Dophina is still stuck with Reane, but not for long, since Moradin comes a-knocking, and says that he heard that they were in a pickle, and since he’s a god of creation, he’d whip up a new body for Reane to transfer to.

And he does, a metallic body (with a laser pointer finger).

Reane hops in and both they and Dophina are very glad to be separated.

Reane stays behind to chat a bit, unfortunately they don’t know much about the sun god, but they suspect other ones of their party is still out there somewhere.

Reane also says that they won’t stick around. They basically want to see if the Knights have their stuff, and then they’ll fuck off.

Dophina might be able to contact Reane if they really need though.

Lir has been sulking in the shadows for the most time, but he gets his hands on Lutharin and asks to sparr with him, which Lutharin agrees to.

They do a bit of fighting, and at the same time, they talk.

Lir asks how much Lutharin knows of the elf civil war. As Lutharin understands it, Lloth offered some elves power in exchange for their servitude and it didn’t go over so well, and there was fighting.

Lir says that from the drow point of view, the sun offered powers to the elves, but it also meant being controlled, and Lloth offered freedom.

So what Lir wants to know, is which option Lutharin would have taken. After some consideration, and also getting his ass beaten up by Lir, Lutharin says that he would have had to agree with the drow.

Lir seems happy(?) to hear this, and in exchange he tells that the reason he left the drow is because of freedom as well, but doesn’t elaborate.

So. Bard. It seems that there was a man in that body along with the god, in a similar situation to Dophina and Reane. And this possession was not consensual. Bard has regained all memories of the thousand years he spent with the god, and also of the life before that.

So about that. Jeff is wandering the HQ when he catches a harp being played. There’s only person who that could be. Jeff has been avoiding Bard, but he finally decides go see him.

And, indeed Bard it is, and they get to talking.

Jeff asks does he remember how he got possessed. Bard says that he was on a pilgrimage to the sun god’s temple in the Wilds (from this session), as his wife was pregnant with their second child, so she wanted him to go get blessings.

While he was there, the god fell, and latched onto Bard, and took control. For years they wandered, until they came upon one of the necklaces, and remembered some things. They lost it however, and had to get their hands on another, and so it went.

Jeff asks what he’s going to do now. Bard answers that he doesn’t know, on one hand, he just wants to lay down and pass on, on the other, he wants revenge. 

Jeff says that Bard has a place in the Knights, and he also says that he could teach Bard about his god, Fharlaighn, which Bard says would be nice.

Oh yeah, and Jeff learns Bard’s real name, which is Adam.

Next group arrives, this time carrying only one god. There’s Yondalla, the halfling goddess, as well from the mortal side Skylar and Prince Floyd.

Skylar takes Kendrick aside, as they are both quite distraught about Elpidios’ disappearance.

It seems likely that Alexis is Elpidios’ other parent, as he should be elf-blooded since he was taken.

Skylar says that it seems there was nothing either of them could have done to stop this. She also assures she will work tirelessly to help get him back.

Speaking of tirelessly, as she learns that Kendrick hasn’t been sleeping well, she promises to knock him out.

Kendrick in turn promises to introduce Skylar to Pholtus, which she is quite stressed about.

They hug. Aw.

Finally the last two expected deities appear, and though they are humanoid they are a bit weirder looking than the others. Dophina recognizes the woman as The Lady, a goddess of fortune she has called upon several times, while Jeff recognizes the blue elven man as Fate, the god of predestination as he has run into him in his studies.

The Lady makes a beeline for Kasbir to everyone’s confusion, telling Fate that this is the one she has chosen, which he says that he knows. They start arguing, but Pholtus break them apart, and says that everyone is here, so it’s time to get to explaining.

Jeff asks why Fharlaighn isn’t there, and Pholtus doesn’t know as he wanders off easily. He isn’t very worried about him though. He is more worried about Celestian and The Raven Queen who cannot be contacted.

Pholtus explains first the origin of the sun god. Basically the current gods of the world are not its creators. The creators are known as Elder Gods, and Ishran was one of them, the gods are their creation.

The rest of the Elder Gods decided to go play in their world as mortals and became first humans, but Ishran stayed behind and went to take a long nap.

Meanwhile the elves were born. They created themselves out of the energy of the Elder Gods; wood elves from forest god now lost in time and sun elves from Ishran.

Well Ishran woke up, and he was super into having elves so he started giving his elves insane magical powers which kinda worried some of the gods as it upset the balance of the world.

So, some gods conspired against him, causing him to fall.

This is not as unusual as one might think. Pholtus reveals that most worlds are not upset by gods falling as there are creatures known as the Sweepers who remove traces of the gods from the world to keep the world going.

They’ve been trying to do this here, but as part of the god lived on in Bard and in the necklaces, they can’t finish the job and are just confusedly killing people, cos that’s what they do.

The Sweepers are in fact the Maggot creatures.

 There are three suspects in Ishran’s fall.

Celestian, god of stars, as he was worried about the magic use, since it fell into his realm.

Lloth, the Spider Queen, because of course a world without sun would be very good for her.

And finally Yadira, who held the position of the Raven Queen before Pansy took over. The reason why she might have done this is unclear for the gods, but she is in fact missing and hasn’t passed to the land of the dead after giving up the title.

At this point Fate intercepts, saying he knows Yadira is around. The thing is, Yadira learned Fate was giving the key-cube to Lutharin, and so gave him the necklace. And the reason Fate gave the key-cube is because he saw the necklace being given, so Yadira kinda tricked him.

Fate has, as an apology, knitted Lutharin a sweater, with pancakes on it. Lutharin takes it. Dophina asks if he can teach her to knit.

You see, all four of the necklace holders are knitted into Fate’s, uh, scarf of destiny, which is a rather mangy thing full of holes. Kasbir was added later by The Lady’s insistence, as he is her favored.

Our heroes of course act why. For The Lady a handsome face and an adventurous spirit is enough, while the Fate says that the colors of the four’s threads were pleasant.

The Lady and Fate are constants in each universe, not created by anyone, so Ishran can’t affect them. They are however, quite chaotic creatures.

But that’s most of the information out of the way. Now it’s time to start thinking what to do.

The access to divine realm is closed off, but they do know a planewalker who may be able to help, so Dophina will try to get a hold of Reane.

Kendrick, who has a special connection to the Raven Queen, will try to contact her, to see if she’s alright.

Prince Floyd will try to locate some of the friends that Ishran has taken, as he is gifted with true sight, he’s the only one who can see into the realm.

Before our heroes can go talk to Ishran, they will have to make sure they can’t be influenced by him as they are still creatures living in sunlight.

That will require them to go to the drow who are the only one with the information. While they’re there they might as well see if they can locate Lloth, one of the suspected god throwers. Lir will take them to the drow, as he is one.

So there! Act three all set up and a lot of questions (but not all) answered! Whew. Next time, it’s back to everyone’s fave place; Underdark.

[readysetjo]

PS/ SS - Chapter 5 - Diagon Alley

@alluringcliche @feelsandotps @wearywanderer @xingshining

I’m wondering what personal story I’m going to share today!

Also, I’m sleepy I hope that doesn’t affect (?)/ effect (?)/ change/ manipulate/ twist/ adjust (I am avoiding looking up the difference between the words “affect” and “effect” for the 100th time in my life) my normal chapter liveblog. I was dedicated to writing this tonight, tho. 

I forget that they didn’t automatically leave after that tense evening discussion

I have a headcanon that the pouches on The Daily Prophet’s owls have a charm that vanishes the money and deposits it into a Gringotts bank account. Otherwise the birds would get so heavy-ladened after a while and I imagine that the Prophet’s bird’s would be frequently stolen from. Imagine working at the Prophet’s owlery. That would be a little fun for a time.

Hagrid just trusts Harry with rummaging through his coat to find his money. He’s either really sleepy or far too trusting. 

“yeh’d be mad ter try an’ rob [Gringotts].” /// lol Hagrid so had a chat with Harry about this memory later.

I’d like to see more of the tense dynamic between Fudge and Dumbledore. I bet Fudge would have been so funny to watch come undone under the weight of being Minister and slowly going from asking DD for help nearly every day to telling the reporters/ editors at the Prophet to slip in snide comments about DD. I want to watch that train wreck. 

Hagrid’s reasoning to why the Wizarding World is separate from the Muggle one is kind of odd to me. “everyone’d be wantin’ magic solutions to their problems.” Like honestly the actual result of that would probably be a capitalistic one in which the average magical person would be able to sell their magical “solutions to problems” for money. This would just lead to the magical community becoming very wealthy. That’s not really a bad thing (on the surface/ from a wizard’s POV). I think the most logical answer is: “Our community is so different from the Muggle one that creating rules to enforce for the two societies coinciding would be so difficult that we keep ourselves separate in order that we can both create individual systems that works for each society.Also, we are trying to avoid causing strain with a power imbalance.” 

“Harry, panting a bit as he ran to keep up” /// I grew up very short with a very tall dad, so I really can relate haha. I would have to occasionally remind him how my stride was two of his. 

I wonder what Hagrid was knitting. 

I feel like the HP fandom should have had a running joke by now that any deserted store in a strip mall was the entrance to a wizarding community. Tho it seems like the entrance was not visible or had a like “don’t look at me” charm on it rather than how St. Mungo’s was hidden behind a deserted shop. 

“Hagrid, clapping his great hand on Harry’s shoulder and making Harry’s knees buckle.” /// That I can’t relate to lol. 

“I’m all of a flutter.” /// What a funny and great way to put that lol.

Dedalussssssss!!! One of Harry’s first magical “acquaintances” XD and the truly brave soul who (along with Hestia Jones) watched the Dursley’s for nearly a year. I don’t usually make the joke but... “Rubeus Dedalus Potter you were named for-”

“’What sort of magic do you teach, Professor Quirrell?’ [asked Harry] ‘D-Defense Against the D-D-Dark Arts,’ muttered Professor Quirrell, as though he’s rather not think about it.’”/// 1. I died. I forgot about this line! 2. He went on a year-long break from work to do some research. That is so Ravenclaw. 3. What if Quirrell became known for wearing beanies instead of a turban? 4. I forgot how it was possible that Quirrell could shake Harry’s hand right now. 5. I forgot why Harry’s scar didn’t hurt right now. (I’ll probably remember soon enough, but I wouldn’t mind reminders if I don’t.)  6. You know those words that trip you up for no good reason? Yeah, well I’ve got quite the arsenal of those, but one of them happens to be “squirrel” (why? idk?) and this man helped me remember that the word has two “R”s in it.

“Harry wished he had about eight more eyes.” /// Harry Spider

I wonder what is the cool new broomstick model right now. 

Gringotts colors are scarlet and gold and I never noticed before. I think they wore black in the movies or just like nice work clothes. Also, I would like to go to Shell’s Cottage and hear Bill and Fleur tell me all about how Gringotts got started. I am fascinated. 

The poem on the door about stealing from Gringotts is so funny to me bc I am just thinking about how cabs have like signs that say that the driver doesn’t carry over a certain amount of money. These are two very different philosophies of deterring a thief. 

Three times JKR foreshadowed to us just how stupid it would be to try and rob Gringotts. 

Our Muggle banks and safety deposit boxes are so much more efficient and I am grateful. 

 Hey there Griphook! Well be seeing you again!

So Dumbledore would have told all the professors what they were hiding in Hogwarts, due to asking them for their help to do it right? But did they know why they were hiding the Sorcerer’s Stone? Did they too know that they were trying to suppress Voldemort’s return? I kinda hope they did. It seems to be that Hagrid did.

I like to imagine these seemingly perpetually grumpy goblins actually love their twisty roller coaster-ish cart rides under London. 

“Harry didn’t know where to run first now that he had a bag full of money.” /// So happy for him!!

Hagrid told him to get his uniform first almost like a parent haha. 

Reminder that Harry disliked Draco for his awful character right from the very beginning and that Draco set himself up for the foul life he ended up with by never seeing the goodness in others as something that he should want too. (I don’t say this to any of you four Questers bc I think you all would agree, but I just had to say it.)

I like how popular and big football is that even wizards know what it is and use it to compare to Quidditch. OMG I’m so stupid I’m just remembering one of the best eras in post-HP publishing history and getting emotional about it. Does anyone remember the 2014 Quidditch World Cup. I obsessed over it that summer and read every word that Ginny wrote and ahhhhh I miss it. I miss Quidditch and Pottermore publishing updates with chapter art and meta and character backgrounds. What a golden era post-DH. 

I like that Hagrid said that toads went “out of fashion years ago” so that means that, at one point, toads were vogue and that’s amazing by itself. I bet the professors hated that time. The constant low croaking coming from everyone’s pockets. 

“For some reason, the back of his neck prickled. The very dust and silence in [Ollivanders] seemed to tingle with some secret magic.” /// I love that feeling when it happens in real life. Like when you discover a cute little stream on a hike or a beautiful old library. 

I sometimes wish I had the memory of Ollivander. 

The second “you have your mother’s eyes” drink!

Ollivander had some personal space invading issues. (And it irks me.)

I know I already said that I want to know about like three things in this liveblog, but I’m desperate to know more about wandlore too. I want more facts.

I kind of like that the more difficult it was to find Harry a wand, the happier Ollivander got. That’s a good attitude to have right there. That’s how you know you love your job.

Voldemort’s wand was 13 inches and Harry’s was 11 inches. That means that there’s a chance that Voldemort’s phoenix’s core feather was longer than Harry’s and, therefore lower on Fawkes’ tail. 

Gosh wands are expensive. 

Goodbye, Ollie, see you later. 

Why did they not buy a trunk in Diagon Alley? Where did Harry even get a trunk that he carries around with him for 7 years? These are the real plot holes!  jkjkjk

That chapter was a little longer than usual. But since this one has less chapters in it, we are actually almost one third through with it. That’s wild!