#but yeah my url just means someone who never sees the sun

[an-asuryampasya]

[more armchair language-stuff rambling (been a while!), admittedly mostly written for an audience of me, under a cut since I remember my manners]

FASCINATING.

(well, to me anyway)

So idk what the official linguistics term for this is, but one pretty significant difference between English and the other two languages I speak is how words get combined.

Okay so first off, insert here standard disclaimer regarding confirmation bias. With that out of the way: When I speak English, I mostly try to keep each word of the sentence distinct as I speak it (and fail, but that's because /I/ personally am a terrible speaker. Anyway, I digress). The exceptions are contractions, but again, melding those words together is only accepted for certain established/common contractions like 'isn't' or 'ain't'. I can't expect to get away with saying/writing "mashtagether" or something instead of "mash together". But the thing is, in Telugu I sort of can.

I mean there's this whole section of grammar devoted to rules on mashing words together based on what sounds they start or end with (and they're pretty intuitive for most part, tbh) rather than a list of words like in English (i.e., is+not=isn't, etc.), and they apply to any set of words with those starting/ending sounds. These combined words are accepted in both, written and spoken Telugu too. (Even my url is a sandhi! It's a+surya+pasya=asuryampasya, if I'm not wrong. Sidenote: "if I'm not wrong is such a useless phrase for a reader. 'I'm saying this but I could be wrong, haha! So you can take away nothing from what I just said, except maybe that I'm annoying'. anyway, still using it though.) (Also, similar rules are also present in multiple Indian languages. Though I'm talking only about Telugu because that's what I have at least a vague idea about.) (Also also, yes I am incapable of not including a minimum of 68 asides in parentheses.) (Oh, also, if you're wondering, it's still quite easy to understand words even when joined together. "Mashtagether" makes no sense and is possibly hard to separate into the constituent words in English, but it's not so hard in Telugu. Idk why - the rules? the intuitiveness? not sure. Maybe just good ol' phonetic languages ftw? idk, anyway, back to the point.)

Anyway, I swear I'm going somewhere with this.

[....at this point I took a break to grab a snack and forgot the point I was going to make ._. ]

ehh ditch, too sleepy to care. moving on!

BUT. Aside from sandhis, there's another, informal form of mashing together of words that occur I think. At least, I think they're not covered by sandhis since I don't use them in written Telugu, but I could be mistaken. Or perhaps they're more accurately corruptions?

Anyway, the point is, these are more fascinating to me and I'd love to talk about them more, but right now I want to talk about one specific type of this corruption (as I'm going to call it). It's the first time I've noticed it be repeated in multiple words (with similar sounds, of course - which makes me wonder if I'm misidentifying it as a corruption). First, there's 'mom's brother'. In Telugu that would be your 'mamayya'. Except none of my cousins call my dad their 'mamayya', and instead say 'moyya'. (Well, more accurately they say Bobmoy since that's what 'Babu mamayya' eventually devolved into. It's also fun to say. See also: the derivative used by their kids: 'Babu tata' becoming Bobtat.) Or father in law, which in my part of the world is 'mamayyagaru'. But my mum was gently nudged to not pronounce it that way - and instead 'moyyagaru' is preferred. Now consider the completely unrelated word, raw mango! 'kaya' = unripe fruit, 'mamidi' identifies mango. So a raw mango is technically 'mamidikaya', but when spoken it's often called 'modkaya/maudkaya'.

For some reason, mama/mami words get converted into mod's.

They're unrelated words that underwent similar changes. Though I suppose that makes sense - Telugu is a phonetic language, and so it should be natural that these changes are based on the phonemes and stuff? (also I am aware that phonetic language isn't a techical term but bleh.)

okie that exhausts what I remember wanting to say and I can't be bothered to figure out a good ending or even edit, so uh.

this concludes this post?

Oh wait, I know!

fin.

[silverwarewolf]

A MILLION POSSIBLE OUTCOMES (MARCH)

Event by @chaotic-queer-disaster and Mika (i think the url changed? so I'm not sure how to tag). About five hundred words, Gene POV.

An endless ocean of nothing and everything, just inches away from my hands. That vast blanket of darkness dotted with stars and the occasional haze of colors remains the only thing visible through the windows, at least while the suns are busy helping the world somewhere else. Not that I’m surprised.

The suns have never been kind to me.

Though, in truth, it’s melancholic to know that they’re still there, still watching over us, laughing, while everything else was left behind. Mountains and mountains of sand and dirt that previously would be my shield and only comfort, now several kilometers below me. How lonely, and how freeing, to be so far away from the world.

That is, not counting my friends here.

Ivan must still be sleeping – and if he isn’t, I’m going to smack him with one of those shapeless scraps of junk that are supposedly our kitchenware now until he falls asleep. He’s in no condition to do anything but rest right now. Drew seems so unbothered by everything, as per usual, yet they don’t seem defensive, nor hostile. Simply gazing at the world beneath, longing, and that I can relate to. Perhaps they’re not as bad as we thought, but we can’t afford to risk trusting someone working with her.

Part of me wishes things were different. I think, looking back, this was all Walter’s fault.

Yeah, that idiot who suggested we test his ‘space boat’ or whatever he called this thing. We’re certainly safe, for now, but seriously? So far from home, drifting without a path to follow, simply waiting until he returns and our travel can continue. But, for all we know, maybe she’s already killed him, leaving us stuck here to crash into the sun and become cinders, twinkling like the stars around us. Hopefully, if we’re truly left alone here, it will be the moon who takes our lives. More peaceful, more merciful, if you ask me.

The moon, at least, has never betrayed me. As silvery and soothing as the scarf he gave me.

Ah, but that’s definitely not the point. We’re stuck in space, and it’s as stressful as leaving behind those unending and unchanging dunes. I can already see Kate’s patience reaching its limit, and perhaps the only reason she hasn’t punched something is because this junk-boat-thing feels so frail, like a true ship sailing through a tempest. Then again, at least the sea would carry us back somewhere.

Before any of us reaches our limit, I think I may offer to spar with Kate a bit, if only to pass the time.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

A tear falls down onto the piece of paper as Emilia reads the lost message. Perhaps there are more pages to read, but that doesn’t mean they’ve necessarily been used. Fearing that the end of the journal may arrive too soon, she turns the page of that worn book.

Taglist (lmk to be added/removed): @ashen-crest @writeblrfantasy @myhusbandsasemni

[blueprint-han]

a musical encounter.

pairing: music major senior!han x music major junior!reader

genre: university (?? idk) au; fluff.

⇥ warnings: very terribly™ written by a person who has a -8.9 knowledge in music, also the singing parts are not very well described and this may seem incomplete because i’m trying to force teach myself to write short, but oh well 🤧 I wanna write a longer fic based on this in the future hhhhhhhh. me after writing this fic: wow i really clowned myself at “short fic” didn’t I 🤡 also not proofread so be mindful of errors and google autocorrect <//3

word count: 1.7 K 🤡

⇥ disclaimer: this writing does not aim to represent the activities of the real Han Jisung, nor does it represent JYPE in any form. Events are pure fiction. ♡

type: blurb drabble 😭 (why can I never write sh0rt hmph >:( )

network tag: @stayverse @districtninewriters @inkidz + @sunoo-luvs

part of: the url drabble game; requested by @missinghan :’’) (requests for this are closed now!)

!!; song y/n is imagined to sing here is ‘Freedom 90, the Pitch Perfect Version (of course, with pre added acappella). You may find the song here, if you wanna listen to it. hhhhhh this is based on my rusty research about music equipment (which may be wrong) so if this is not what it’s supposed to mean please go easy on me. 😂

↯ note: hhhhh okay so this one has no direct mention or relation to your url but I rather picked it up from your url ~vibes~ (since the only idea that was dropping into my head was making han go missing ufhurg) so I hope you don’t mind ! Hope you like it uwu 💓 Happy reading. <3 Again this will not compare to your writing queen, but I tried. 😔 ⇥ dawn.☀️

“Gosh, this is a music recording, not a date — what’s there to be scared about?” Your friend chided, setting up the mic and the filter as you panicked behind the glass. “You’re a music major! Isn’t this supposed to be what you do?”

“You’re saying that like you aren’t one, and you totally didn’t freak out two days ago, Sana.”

Sana huffed, shaking her head before moving to connect all the wires in place. “Yeah. but…” Her voice came out low when she crouched down to fix all the wires. “The nerves shake off eventually. You’ve nothing to worry. Did you hydrate?”

“I’ve been sipping on this water bottle for the past half an hour!” You sighed, walking inside the booth to stand next to your friend. “And what do you mean ‘shake off’ — you mean that time you ‘accidentally’ broke the headphones when you wear putting them on?” A bite of your lip to stifle your laugh, and Sana’s mouth dropped open in disbelief.

“Wow, you’re gonna-” She slapped your arm after getting up. “-bring that up even though we had an agreement that we’re gonna keep it a secret?”

“Okay, ouch that hurts!” You chortled. “There’s no one here though, I still kept my promise.”

“Yeah right, in a rented schoolroom studio, with cameras everywhere.”

“They still wouldn’t be able to hear me, right?” You pointed out, bursting into a fit of giggles, nervousness be damned when Sana pouted in defeat.

“Fine, now help me set this up. Come onnnnn…” Your friend shook your arm violently to kick you out of your laughter. You shook your head, crouching over again to fix the wires while your friend set up all the equipment outside the booth.

“All set?”

“Yeah…” You took a deep breath fixing your dress up a bit before reaching your hand out, fitting the headphones snug over your ears. Your eyes caught on something black lying on the tables, and you pointed it out.

“Whose headphones are those?” You pointed out, and Sana looked to the direction. “Eh,” she brushed it off. “Probably the person who’d received this room to record before, they’ll take care of it.” You tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, nodding. “Now come on, let’s start. We have to submit this tomorrow and I have a movie date, so it can’t get later than this.”

“Alright,” You chimed, clearing your throat once, twice before inhaling deeply. You were surely nervous before, but somehow singing always helped you disconnect from your surroundings, it was your escape — one of the main reason you’d chosen music technology in a heartbeat when you found out it was an option for your major.

“Ready? And, go.”

Sana hit a button, causing soft music to play through the headphones, a melody she’d carefully crafted over nights of 3 am coffee and many, many texts to you — most of them saying “I wanna sleeeepppppp waaaaa”. You’d obviously heard it before but you realised why it took her so long (nearly a week), because it was near perfection.

“Heaven knows I was just a young boy~”

The song went pretty smoothly on the most part, with Sana stopping you in between verses and and going over parts she wanted you to repeat, which you gladly complied. She was the senior, of course.

When it cam down to the last verse, about half an hour had passed — and you felt pretty good about it. your vocals were shining pretty well and blended with the music perfectly, which put you at ease.

“Okay, let’s finish this.” Sana said, focused on changing up the settings, before giving you a countdown, hitting play. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you waited for the beat drop to end, leading to your high note. That again. went pretty well, along with the rest of the song, finishing it up with an exhale.

When you removed the headphones and got out of the booth — you met the eyes of someone you did not expect to see standing there.

“O-Oh, hello Han-ssi.” You bowed down in gratitude, overly surprised of his presence.

Han was, just like Sana, your senior. He was one of the best students in your academy — of course, scoring the highest grade in all of his tests. Many would say otherwise because of his tsundere nature, but you could tell that he had a burning passion for music under those eyes. You’d listened to his tracks in various events your university hosted — and safe to say you were in love with his music. He had a way of making his tracks sound so… real? And natural — the kind that you wouldn’t get bored of no matter how many times you heard it.

Han bowed back and mumbled a silent “hello~” back to you before extending hia hand past you to grab the headphones placed on the table. Ohhh, so that’s why they were familiar. You’d noticed them hanging around his neck multiple times on campus.

Once he’d chatted with Sana and you for a bit (more Sana than you) and bowed before he left, you grabbed Sana’s arm before pulling her towards yourself.

“How long was he here for?” You whispered, a pout on your face.

“Umm, I think throughout the last verse?” Sana shrugged.

“What?” Your shoulders slumped. “Didn’t he come to pick up his headphones?”

“Are you seriously getting flustered right now?” Your friend narrowed her eyes playfully, making a teasing noise as she pushed at your shoulder.

“Ah,” You rolled your eyes. “Stop being so teasing, I’m just a little shy of anyone else hearing my singing.” You flapped your hand to brush her statement away — before she could say something or point it out how evidently flustered you’d grown of the fact that your role model — the Han Jisung — had listened to your music.

“Well, you’re a music major, kid. Get used to it.”

And with that, Sana bid her goodbye to you, helping you wrap up the place before hopping down the stairs, earphones plugged into her ears as she hummed a tune all the way.

You silently stood in front of the elevator, playing with the hem of your sleeves as you waited for it to arrive. Curse at your studios for being on the last floor of the building, waiting for the elevator seemed like an eternity.

You also didn’t notice the random person that stood beside you. it was getting late anyways, the sun was almost close to setting by the time you were done, so it was only obvious that the remaining students would go home.

“So, you sing?” A very familiar sounding voice echoed in your ears, and you flipped your head to the side, once again meeting the eyes of someone you didn’t expect to meet right now.

And of course, if was Han Jisung.

Now that you weren’t freaking out (but you were close to), you could focus on him a little more properly, and you immediately noticed the headphones hanging around his neck, again. He had a large black hoodie on, his hands were shoved into his pockets and his hair was neatly combed and parted. If you had to describe him in three words, it’d be “messy but clean”.

“Oh, h-hello again.” You bowed.

“Hi!” He reciprocated your actions, looking at you. “My question?”

“W-what?” Your eyes widened as you fiddled with the edge of your shirt.

“You sing?”

“I-” You started. “I do, I’ve loved singing since I was six.”

“Oh.” Jisung nodded, letting his words trail of for a second. “You sing really well. I listened to that last part of the song — really well done.”

Tensing up, a smile tugged at your lips. “R-really?”

“Yeah,” Jisung chuckled. “You have a pretty voice, Y/N. And that’s a genuine compliment.”

“O-oh.” You felt yourself grow bashful of his presence all of a sudden, your cheeks feeling hot as the heat spread to your cheeks. “Thank you.” You mumbled, diverting your gaze from your eyes as you tucked a strand of hair behind your ear. “That’s so sweet of you to say.”

“I mean it.” The boy said, frowning. at the sight in front of him — your eyes drifting from place to place and the way you shifted from one foot to other — you seemed to be uncomfortable, but in reality you just didn’t know how to respond. “You okay?”

“A-ah, I am, it’s just.” Moving your hands around, you tried to put your thoughts into words, only to fail miserably, before you sighed and collected yourself. “I just really like your music a lot, and I…” You trailed off, rubbing at your shoulder. “Kinda look up to you, so hearing you say that, it just means a lot to me. Thank you”

The boy standing beside you beamed like sunshine at your response, gently poking at your shoulder as he eyes you mischievously.

“You look up to me, huh?” He giggled when you stumbled over your words, bringing a hand to rake through his hair. “You’re adorable, I’ll tell you that too.”

“Oh my god stop, do you want me to combust?” You laughed, the nervousness laced throughout your statement.

“Okay fine,” Jisung nodded, attaching his headphones to the audio jack of his phone, rummaging through his playlist. “You wanna come to my studio once?”

“What?” Your head snapped in his direction, eyes widening as you took in what he said, excitement filling your veins? Han Jisung’s studio? Seeing him make music in front of your eyes? Is this a fucking dream?

“I mean, only if you want to, of course. I was just asking because you seemed like you’d like to see my music making process. You don’t have to say yes though.”

“Oh gosh, no, I’d love to!” You yelped, stopping him in his tracks. He smiled gently, nodding at you as he scratched his chin in thought.

“So, tomorrow morning is fine?” He looked at you with almost, almost pleading eyes, and you felt like your heart melted into a puddle on the spot. He was cute.

You smiled, shyly nodding as you quickly went through your schedule in your head. “I can work with that.”

“See you tomorrow morning then.” The elevator chimed, the doors sliding open as the both of you got in, giggling at each other.

You couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning, that was for sure.

*silently puts on clown hat and leaves*

↯ note: 🕯️ ignore me this is just a small prayer that tumblr doesn’t make me battle the tags yet again 🕯️ may the tumblr gods be in my favor atleast this once ;-; 🕯️ ⇥ dawn.☀️

[twopoppies]

Hi Gina :) this isn't really anything having to do with all the pics going on recently, I just wanted to pop in and ask if (besides the obvious one being your tumblr header) you have any favorite quotes that come to mind from any of the larry fics you've read? I've started making a list of some that I find beautiful whenever I read a new one and wondered if you might have some too! You're an incredible writer so I thought you might have an eye for them :)

You know, there used to be a blog dedicated to that, but I can’t remember the url anymore and I think they’re gone anyway, but yeah... I do have some that I love. I used to be much better about saving them... so these are old, but it’s still some gorgeous writing IMO.

“You look like flowers,” Louis whispers softly. “A meadow. Somewhere warm and colorful and all my own, where I go to be all by myself. And you look like my favorite book with the tea-stained pages, all the highlighted parts that speak to me in ways other books just don’t. You look like a bonfire, the brightest thing around, so bright I can’t look at anything else. And you look like silk, and softness, and happiness. That’s what you look like.” - Hiding Place by alivingfire

“Except I wouldn’t want to keep you, would I?” Louis’ smile instantly dips a little, finger withdrawing, but Harry clasps his wrist, holding it to his chest. “I wouldn’t want to keep you, because I’d make you want to stay.” - A Red-Dusted Planet by onewasturning

Louis slips their fingers together, slotting between the gaps and curling around his like a possum’s tail around a branch. - A Red-Dusted Planet

Louis is looking up at him, and his eyes are as bright as the moon and the projector light flickering through the window, and it’s like Harry has caught starlight in his hands, something like a wish, a hope, shot straight through the night and burning into the fate lines of his palms. - A Red-Dusted Planet

He smiles down at him, all rosy-appled cheeks, and he’s so beautiful, Harry thinks he must have been magicked from the sky itself. Thinks he can still see remnants of the storm spinning in his eyes. - These Roads We Stumble Down by onewasturning

It makes all the sense in the bloody world and the realization cracks over Louis’ head like an egg, dripping down his neck and trailing down to his toes. - The Actor by mizzwilde

"If you were nobody, and had nothing, and were going nowhere at all, I'd go nowhere with you and make it somewhere. And yeah, I'd still want you. Fuck," he laughs, rough into Louis’ mouth. "'Course I'd still want you. You're like, you're like everything. You make me feel everything." - Little Technicolor Things by scarycrow

Instead, he wonders if it’s possible at all to miss something he’s never had. If the tall boy with his long fingers brushing against the turn of Louis’ ankle was supposed to have been in Louis’ life ages ago but the author forgot to write him in when he had meant to, if maybe that’s why Louis is falling into him so quickly, because he’s trying to make up for lost time, trying to catch up. If maybe that’s why Louis’ life has been so off lately. - Little Technicolor Things 

He imagines a world where it’s possible to drag someone back in time, one where time is a two-way street and he can grab Harry’s hand and pull him along until they’re stumbling breathless into the past, into the empty days Louis spent alone and filling those days with Harry—with morning breakfasts and paintings and summer-sun smiles, with cheeks dimpled in laughter. - Little Technicolor Things

“Nothing, just,” Harry starts. He laughs a little, and Louis looks up at him solely because he doesn’t want to miss the way his eyes crinkle when he does. He looks like he’s about to say something else, but then he just shakes his head again and dips to plant a light kiss on Louis’ cheek. “Nothing,” he repeats, and Louis wonders what nothing really means. - Little Technicolor Things

He learns quite a few things about Harry, really, but the one that stands out to him the most is this: Harry is soft. He isn’t soft in a bad way, in the way people these days throw the word around and use it to mean weak and frail and scared. He’s soft like spider webs are soft, like cashmere is soft and the music you fall asleep to is soft. He’s soft when he reaches out slowly across the carpet and touches two fingers to Louis’ wrist without looking at him, soft when he hums along to the songs on the playlist Louis made, soft when he licks his finger and waggles his eyebrows and turns the page of a book, carefully, carefully carefully. Softly, softly, softly. And because he’s soft, he’s brave. Or at least that’s what Louis sees when he looks at him, when he hears him talk about how scared he was moving to London, how angry he was when his dad left, how terrifying the idea of living on his own instead of in a dorm with other university students was. - Little Technicolor Things

Harry does, but not before grinning wide and easy, his arms moving to bracket Louis’ body against the dresser, and Louis melts into him like the winter melts into the spring. His mouth is warm and velvet-y, tongue heavy in Louis’ mouth. The kiss doesn’t feel forgettable right now, but Louis kind of hopes that it is. He hopes that their future is filled with so many kisses that this one is nothing more than one out of a thousand, each one better than the last, that Louis kisses Harry and Harry kisses Louis so many times that the only time he’ll ever remember this kiss is in the middle of some winter night, when he dreams about it and wakes up in the dark, before curling into the curly-haired boy lying next to him and dreaming about the next kiss. - Little Technicolor Things

He thinks that’s kissing Harry is like turning a dial: where everything is cold, now there’s only warmth; where everything was dark, now there’s only light; where everything was bleak, now there’s life, blooming like the blossoms on Cherry trees, blushing pink and white with awaking. With waking up. Harry wakes Louis up. -  Little Technicolor Things

There is so much music in you: bare feet against the floor, the sandpaper glide of your palm on the stair rail, of your skin against mine, of your ceaseless fingers tapping at the table. He's music, Louis thinks. I'm in love with a song. Little Technicolor Things

(clearly, I adore this fic)

And that’s what Harry hates, Louis knows, because black has always had a connotation with death, and despair, and disease. It’s never been associated with good things, happy things.

But there’s more, too. Because Harry isn’t a demon who was twisted into darkness when he was still human; he chose darkness, a self-sacrifice. His soul is black but in the same way the night sky is black: deep and endless, sprinkled with bits of light. Sparkle. Vast and overwhelming, containing the possibilities for anything.

It’s black like panther fur is black, shifting blues and purples when the light hits a splay of powerful muscle. It’s black like an eclipsed moon. Black like tattoo ink. The blackness has meaning; the blackness is meaning: it hides speckles of brilliance in its depths, adds contrast to the bronze braids of hope and faith in Harry’s soul, the harp strings of kindness buried inside him that the sin could never touch.  - Say Hallelujah, Say Goodnight by alivingfire

I’m sure I have others... but these are the ones I came across first. Thank you for the great ask. It’s refreshing! LOL. And thank you for the wonderful compliment. It means a lot. 💜

[thesunnyshow]

Name: Qiu

Writing Blog URL(s):

@juyeonzz

@the32ndbeat

Age: 19

What fandom(s) do you write for? 

The Boyz and NCT + WayV 

When did you post your first piece?

I posted something way back in September 2019 but then went on a long 9 month hiatus and came back on June 3rd 2020!

Do you write fluff/angst/crack/general/smut, combo, etc? Why?

I write anything except smut and certain themes like disorders or abuse because I’m not too comfortable writing it yet and I don’t want to write it wrong and potentially anger or offend people. 

Do you write OCs, X Readers, Ships...etc?

I write x readers!

Why did you start writing on Tumblr? 

I started writing because I’ve always loved to write and have been doing so since I was little. I got introduced to the writing community on tumblr when I was just aimlessly surfing one day and I remember reading the ‘To All The Boys I Loved Before’ series written by @theboyz-engup and was just so inspired that I made my own The Boyz blog to begin writing. I got into NCT sometime during my hiatus so when I came back from it, I started to write for NCT too.

What inspires you to write? 

The feedback most definitely, shows and books I’ve read and watched too but mostly feedback.

What genres/AUs do you enjoy writing the most?

I like writing angst although most of my works tend to be more fluffy...

What do you hope your readers take away from your work? 

Ah, my works are generally pretty simple but I guess I’d want them to just get immersed in the story like how I was as I was writing it!

What do you do when you hit a rough spot creatively? 

I just watch Netflix or browse through Youtube, sometimes watching videos other times listening to music to find inspo.

What is your favorite work and why? Your most successful? 

My favourite (published) work so far would probably be ‘Wedding bells’ on my tbz account and my Doyoung timestamp at 11:11am on my nct account! My most successful generally would be a Sunwoo timestamp at 11:22pm.

Who is your favorite person to write about? 

For NCT + WayV, I’d have to say Doyoung. For The Boyz, I would say maybe Jacob?

Do you think there’s a difference between writing fanfiction vs. completely original prose? 

Yeah, I guess so. I think when we write fanfiction, we already have an idea of what sort of personality our idols have and we keep that in mind when we write for them but for completely original prose, you create your own characters so in a way, you have to think a little bit deeper for how you want your OC to act or talk.

What do you think makes a good story? 

Sweet and simple description rather than ones that are overly detailed? A story with good flow is good!

What is your writing process like?

Hm, I usually start off with choosing a song on youtube to listen to as I write or I’d have a movie or show playing in the background ( usually it’s Friends these days ) then I’d start writing. I tend to write only at night or have more motivation at night, I’m not too sure why either. 

Would you ever repurpose a fic into a completely original story?

Sure, why not? It’d be interesting but also a little difficult to start to imagine a completely original character in the story since I’d be very used to thinking of the idol who was previously a character in the story.

What tropes do you love, and what tropes can’t you stand?

I love the enemies to lovers trope! I think it’s really interesting because you start off hating each other and it’s cool to see how that gradually progresses to love. I don’t have a lot of tropes I hate but I’ve never really been able to write about werewolves or vampires? It’s just not my thing at all. 

How much would you say audience feedback/engagement means to you?

Oh, it means everything to me! Sometimes when I’m down or unmotivated, I always go back to checking out reblogs or kind things people have said about my works and I’d feel like writing again. It’s like feeling rejuvenated and gaining inspiration to continue with my wips.

What has been one of the biggest factors of your success (of any size)?

I won’t consider myself very successful ^^” although I must say that I’m growing faster than I expected. I think it’s probably because I do update consistently but I’m not sure if that’s going to change once I start school.

Nationality: Singaporean

Languages: English and Mandarin Chinese

Star Sign: Cancer sun ( Not sure if this is relevant but Leo moon and Libra rising too!)

MBTI: INTJ-T

Favorite color: Black

Favorite food: Chocolate cake!

Favorite movie: Spy or Venom ( I can’t choose )

Favorite ice cream flavor: Cookies and cream

Favorite animal: Wolf

Go-to karaoke song: Love Story by Taylor Swift? 

Dream job (whether you have a job or not)?

Professor or an investigative journalist ( Might consider aiming for medical school after uni though… ) 

Coffee or tea? What are you ordering? 

Tea! I really like green tea or jasmine tea.

If you could have one superpower, what would you choose? 

Telepathy

If you could visit a historical era, which would you choose? 

1940s

If you could restart your life, knowing what you do now, would you? 

Yeah, I guess I would. There are a lot of things I’d like to change.

Would you rather fight 100 chicken-sized horses or one horse-sized chicken? 

Oh man, like a 100 chicken-sized horses for sure. A horse-sized chicken? I’d die with one peck.

 If you were a trope in a teen high school movie, what would you have been? 

That one loner kid probably… I’m generally pretty quiet in school.

Do you believe in aliens/supernatural creatures? Nope, not really. 

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? 

I’m quite content here in Singapore but I’d love to be able to live in the USA, New York or in the UK, London for once in my life.

Fun fact about yourself that not everyone would know?

I am afraid of the dark.

Do you think fanfic writers get unfairly judged?

Yeah, and I don’t really understand why.

Do you think art can be a medium for change?

Sure, it can be! I think art is sometimes able to tell stories that can’t be told verbally. It moves people in a way and I think it can be used to truly express the artist’s message to their audience.

Do you ever feel there are times when you’re writing for others, rather than yourself?

Honestly, sometimes when I’m unmotivated but mostly no. I love whatever I’m writing when I’m writing it for the most part.

Do you ever feel like people have misunderstood you or your writing at times?

No? At least not that I know of.

Do your offline friends/loved ones know you write for Tumblr?

They do but they don’t know my URL.

What is one thing you wish you could tell your followers?

Thank you so much for believing in me and appreciating my work! I am grateful for every single one of you guys and you are all my motivation to keep writing and produce better written works. Without you all, writing is somewhat duller and hearing that you guys like the work I put out means the world to me. I love you guys!!

Do you have any advice for aspiring writers who might be too scared to put themselves out there?

Don’t be! We all start somewhere and taking that first step may be a little daunting at first but I promise that what follows is going to be magical. You’re going to be able to gain a lot of inspiration and friends, you are going to be able to greatly improve your writing but what’s best is that you’ll feel like you are now part of a writing family on tumblr! Do not be afraid of showcasing your works because there is always bound to be an audience for it and even if your writing style doesn’t suit someone, there’s definitely another group of readers who will love every single piece of work you publish ^^

Are there any times when you regret joining Tumblr?

Nope! I hope I never do.

Do you have any mutuals who have been particularly formative/supportive in your Tumblr journey?

YES and I love every single one of them. Thank you to @jenocakes @atbzkingdom @chaoticdeobi @hae-sicheng @moondustaeil @ihearttbz @badwithten @glossyjaems @lovely-kpop-writer @jopping-to-my-kpop! There are a few more but these are just the ones that pop up in my mind first.

Pick a quote to end your interview with: I’m horrible with quotes but.. ‘My philosophy is that worrying means you suffer twice’ by Newt Scamander! It’s one of my favourites since I find that I worry a lot and doubt myself too often so thinking about this makes me calmer.

[smolawkwardkidlat]

Fic First Lines

I saw this on @catsafarithewriter 's blog and thought it was nifty, so uh. yeah. all the apologies if this wasn’t your intention, Cat. 

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (if you have less than 20, just list them all!). See if there are any patterns. Choose your favorite opening line. Then tag 10 of your favorite authors!

Tagging: anyone who wants to do this because I have honestly forgotten every Tumblr URL I ever knew. seriously, if you want an excuse, I tag you. 

these are all stories I’ve posted to AO3, in chronological order from oldest to newest, under whatever pseud. one is a WIP, and some of them I’m not proud of at all. I’ll put the line (and by line I mean like the first paragraph?), then the title and the fandom, like Cat did. 

small note, I omitted texting/message fics because the format made it difficult to pick the line, and I omitted Nothing Left and Whatever Remains (The Impossible) because the first lines were lifted from someone else’s work, the canon and the fic that inspired it respectively.

1. Lizzy had never minded what other people thought of her, especially because she was only six years old. (More Than My Dearest Friend. Pride and Prejudice. baby’s first fic, lol.) 

2. No one knew where they came from. [...] Any theories about their origins were pure speculation. However, they were there, the Sun and Shadow Summoners; always full of power and fire, just to the side of the foreground. Only they were rare, incredibly rare, so rare that for a while people wondered that they even still existed. (The Sons of Darkness. The Grisha Trilogy.) 

3. Dazai doesn’t much feel like doing anything today. (the moonlight on the water (is beautiful tonight). Bungou Stray Dogs.) 

4. Samael should not have come home. Heaven was full of angels who looked at him and his light silver-grey wings warily, never mind that the accursed things had been silver-grey since God had created them and Heaven couldn’t be full of angels because half of them were gone. (Destruction Follows In His Wake. Good Omens.) 

5. Cad wasn’t exactly what one would expect, if one only had his nickname to go by. He wasn’t tall or short, but he was lithe, with stormy grey eyes that sharpened almost to silver when he was angry or when he was excited, and a shock of thick, slightly curly, translucent hair that the doctors had pronounced mousy brown upon his birth. He had thin, expressive eyebrows and hands and a prominent, somewhat upturned nose. He looked curious, which he was, and he looked gentle, which he wasn’t. (a bit of a cad. The Graveyard Book.) 

6. “Cecil Jacobs is a big wet he-en!” Scout’s voice yelled suddenly. Arthur started at the noise. Was she walking home alone? In this darkness? Everyone in Maycomb but him would have difficulty seeing their hand in front of their face, even if they painted it white. No—even if he was growing up, Jem wouldn’t let his sister walk home alone, even just from the grammar school. Especially not on a night like this. (Boo, Arthur. To Kill A Mockingbird.) 

7.  It was a bad idea last time and this is the first glimmer of hope he has that it’s any less of one now. He hangs on to the sheets, to Ibarra’s hips, as if he can grasp that glimmer and gasp it to life. Maybe Ibarra can feel it, because his mouth curves into a smile where it touches Elias’s. Is it derision or delight? Elias doesn’t know the difference, when it comes to Ibarra; either one drives him wild. (Difference. Noli Me Tangere.) 

8. Ibarra falls in love when he is twenty-two, sitting in a boat on Laguna de Bay. (Third Time’s the Charm. Noli Me Tangere.) 

9. Ibarra startled awake to a dark sky and the chill of night in an open space [...]. His breath cut sharp against the sounds of the woods as he curled in on himself and raised his shaking hands to his face. There was no blood on them. The night was so still any sound louder than a footfall would be heard clearly. There were no gunshots. There were no screams. (i did not think to live this far. NMT.) 

10. The last day of the fiesta dawned promising and happy; the day brought with it the laying of the cornerstone of Ibarra’s new school, and if the town of San Diego was not perfectly content, they at least donned some semblance of the garment to go to morning mass. Padre Damaso forgot his sermon and frightened Padre Martin. Padre Sibyla adjusted his gold-rimmed glasses. (a lilac sky. NMT.) 

11. The twilight came on chilly and brisk, the sun lingering watchfully at the edge of the horizon as Elias strode home, trembling with fury. He was done. He was done with this town and he was glad he and the family he had left would leave it forever in a few hours. They could all go to hell and he would laugh as he dragged them there. (our twilight universe. NMT.) 

12. The crack of someone opening the door roused Elias from his restless, shallow slumber. (pillow talk. NMT.)

13. Elias doesn’t know if he’s hallucinating or dreaming. (a simulacrum of companionship. NMT.) 

14. Ibarra’s sigh melted into the near-total darkness of his room. Thirteen years on, and the nightmares still came, the anger still burned, just when he thought they had gone. He was beginning to suspect he might never be free of them, which seemed to be fair enough, considering all that had happened. It would have been stranger for him to come out of that maelstrom completely unscathed. (permets-tu? NMT.)

15. Elias took a breath, shallower than he liked. He flexed his fingers experimentally, and made a fist. It did not close quite as tightly as he was used to. “Haven’t you tied the knots too tight?” (So Help Me, God. NMT; WIP.) 

and this wasn’t posted to AO3, but in honor of the TCR fandom: 

16. The only excuse he has is that he is young and wild and stupid. He was raised by wild things and so knows no fear, not even of the things he should be afraid of. Cat is old enough to know what a car in the driveway means, but he’s also soft enough to let his friend watch excitedly from his ruff as the woman unlocks the door and airs out the abandoned house that has an owner after all. (the happiness i’ve found with you. The Cat Returns.) 

[lovemesomesurveys]

Would/Do you like having brown eyes? Meh. I wish I had blue or green, honestly. Do you spend a lot of time on the internet? I sure do. Could you live without the internet? Well yeah, but I wouldn’t enjoy it. Have you bought anyone a Christmas gift? Yes, many. I love buying gifts for my family. Do you have a Christmas tree in your house now? I have a mini one in my room. I said I was going to put my decorations away this year (they were up all year last year), but I have yet to do so. :X

How do you feel when someone hates on Apple? I’m an Apple gal, so. Do you have an Iphone? If so, which one? Yeah, an iPhone XR. Favorite flavor of jello? I don’t like jello. I see. Do you have long toes? No. What is one of your favorite compliments to recieve? I don’t receive compliments all that often, so any is nice. Even though I’m awkward af. Do you compliment other random people? No.  Could you see yourself buying a truck as your go to vehicle? No. What kind of car do you want? Something less than $100,000. I don’t know. I don’t even drive, so. What kind of gift would you appreciate for your birthday? I appreciate any gift I receive. Can you type fast? Yes. Can you type without looking at the letters? Yep. Did you take typing classes? Yeah, my freshman year in high school. It was required. What do you use Facebook for? That’s about as social as it gets for me, ha. Even though I don’t interact much with anyone apart from liking or reacting in some way to posts. I at least can see what others are up to. What do you look like in your profile picture? On Facebook? It’s a photo of my mom, brother, and I at Disneyland. I’m wearing a pistachio green Disneyland hoodie, a rose gold Disney hat, and my hair is in a low side pony tail. Do you love cartoons? I like the ones from my childhood.  Name a band that you like. There’s several, but fine I’lll name 2 that instantly came to mind: Linkin Park and Coldplay. Name a genre of music you don't like? EDM, techno, clubhouse music. What genre of music do you listen to around the house? My main Spotify playlist has a shitload of songs of various genres.  You think it's wrong to tell a person ____. Anything mean and hurtful. What kind of compliments have you given? Uhhh usually about something they’re wearing or an accessory they have. Would you rather give or receive? Give. Do you paint your own nails? It’s been a few years since I’ve painted my nails. Do you like acrylic nails? I’ve never had them. What is your favorite red lipstick? I don’t have a favorite. Red lipstick is nice, but I haven’t worn any lipstick in such a long time. What are your favorite colors to wear? I wear a lot of black, but I like some pops of color. What colors do you NOT wear? Brown and neon. Where do you shop for most of clothes? Hot Topic, BoxLunch, and Kohl’s.  What are you favorite clothing stores/shops? ^^^ What kind of shoes do you like? Adidas. Describe your style in one word. Comfy casual, ha. Describe your current personality in one or two words. Awkward. What is your opinion on weed? I think it has a lot of benefits. Are you afraid of child birth/pregnancy? Child birth sounds rather unpleasant. What are you favorite bottoms to wear? Leggings. They’re all I wear. Do you like dresses? I haven’t worn a dress in years.  Would you rather be called a geek, a nerd or a dork? I’m all of those. Do you eat cake with a spoon or a fork? Usually a fork, but a spoon works as well. What age will you be next? 31. Did you graduate high school? Yes. Do you make youtube videos? If so, leave your URL. No. Do you flat iron your hair? I haven't in years. What physical features do you wish you had? ( name 2 ). Nice teeth/smile and blue or green eyes. Would you ever get plastic cosmetic surgery? If it were for reconstructive purposes.  Ever broken a bone? Yeah. What are you favorite youtube videos to watch? Lots of ASMR, but also some vloggers and lifestyle/entertainment videos. What is your favorite sex position? ;) I wouldn’t know. What color will you paint your nails next? I don’t plan on painting my nails anytime soon. It’s been years since the last time. What is one of your favorite Disney movies? Alice in Wonderland. If you could meet a real life Disney character who would it be? Haha I get so excited meeting the characters at Disneyland. I’m such a kid. And a dork. Are you afraid of ghosts/hauntings? Well, there are evil spirits and that’s scary.  Do you like to play computer games a lot? I like playing the Sims. I go through periods where I’m obsessed and play all the time and then not play for a long time. I last played over a year ago. Are you a sore loser? No. What is your favorite game to play with family/friends? I love board games. What is your beer of choice? I don’t drink anymore, but I was never fond of beer. What do you plan to buy next? Food. Do you like shopping? Yeah. Online shopping, especially. What is one of your favorite things to do on the weekend? I don’t do anything different. Here, I'm giving you $500 dollars to one store, where would you spend it? Hmmm. I’d have to think about it. Would you look good in a Beetle car? I wouldn’t want one. Do you play slug bug? I did when I was a kid. You know, it’s been forever since I’ve seen one. I feel like I saw them all the time and then they just disappeared.  What kind of computer are on? MacBook Air. You are attracted to ___. Alexander Skarsgard. Do you like glitter? It’s pretty, but also a huge pain. Have you ever owned a Ouija board? Noooo. I don’t mess with stuff like that. Do you like to text? Over talking on the phone, yeah. I’m not a big texter, though. If you had to be an animal for Halloween, what would it be? A cat. Do you have more dry skin or oily skin? Dry. What kind of shampoo do you use? Be specific. It’s a salon shampoo for red dyed hair. Do you have acne? I get a couple pimples once in awhile. I used to get it a lot when I was a teenager and in my early 20s. You're glad that you don't ___. have school anymore. You're glad that you do ___. have my family.  Your favorite cuss word? I don’t have a favorite. Are you obsessed with any superheros? I love Marvel films. Do you read comic books? No. Do you like the Sunday paper and why or why not? I used to when I was a kid cause I liked reading the comics. I haven’t read an actual newspaper in yearssss. I mostly read the news online, but I also watch it on TV. Do you have cable? Yeah. What's a show you wish that was still on air? True Blood. Do you listen to the radio at all? I haven’t in quite a long time. My parents and brother play their Spotify in their cars (and I’m in their cars).  Do you like hip hop? Yeah. Do you like pretzels? Soft pretzels with cheese are good. Do you like snow? Yesss. What's your favorite thing about your favorite season? Name the season. I love fall and winter. Everything about it is lovely. Name something that starts with the first letter of your first name. Snacks. Name something that starts with the first letter of your middle name? I don’t wanna. And your lastname. Fruit. Do you have pets? If so, what and what are their names? Yes, I have a 3 year old German Shepherd/Lab mix named Princess Leia. Are you a religious person? Yes. Do you like pina coladas? I’ve never had one. Do you like coconut scents? Yeah. What is your favorite Bath and Body Works candles? Their autumnal ones. Would you spend 20 dollars on a candle? Nooo. What is the goriest thing you've seen in real life? Roadkill.  Do you look in the mirror a lot? Nooo. I avoid it as much as possible. When I do, I keep it short.  What brand of toothpaste do you use? Sensodyne.  What is a dessert that you DON'T like? Pie or pudding. And one that you love? Cheesecake, cupcakes, brownies, donuts, and muffins. Twilight or Harry Potter? I liked both.  Would you rather be a vampire or a mermaid? Vampire I guess. Do you have a favorite number? 8. Had a crush on somebody that every1 around u thought was ugly? I mean, I’ve found people attractive that my friends didn’t and vice versa. We all have different tastes.  Are you happy with your physical features? No. P.E or Math? Ew, neither. Math or Science? Neither. Creative Writing or Art? Creative writing. When you doodle, what are you usually doodling? Usually hearts and random words in cursive. What is something that you like that is really cheap in price? Ramen? Haha. Like the packs you get at the grocery store for less than a dollar. What is something that you like that is kind of expensive? Apple products. Those aren’t kind of expensive, they’re hella expensive. What do you do when someone is really rude to you in public? I wouldn’t do anything towards them, I’d just talk a lot of crap later ha. Do you argue with your significant other a lot? I’m single. Have you ever had a really painful breakup? Yes. Which is better smoking or vaping? Neither. Do you write in print or cursive? Print. Do you have neat handwriting? No. My handwriting is awful. What do you like to write with? Pens. Do you keep a journal/diary? This is it. Do you eat salads? What do you like in your salad? If you do. If not, what is 1+1? I like them, but it’s honestly been a few years since I’ve had one. Anyway, I just like lettuce, spinach, shredded cheese, olives, croutons, green onions, carrots, and hard boiled eggs with ranch on top. Back when I could eat spicy food I would add pepperoncinis and/or cayenne pepper. If you HAD to change your eyecolor, what would you change it to? Blue or green. What is one of your favorite colors? Rose gold. Do you prefer to be pale or tan? Don't say in between. I’m very pale due to anemia, malnutrition, and I like never go out in the sun. I wish I were tan. I used to be. Favorite thing to do on your phone? YouTube, Spotify, Twitter, Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram, Kindle, and play some games. What magazines do you like? I don’t read any.  What is your favorite book? I couldn’t possibly choose just one. What is your favorite thing about Christmas? Everything. I love Christmastime. I'm giving a ticket to wherever you want, where would you go? Oh man. I’d really think about that before making a choice. Here's $5, what do you do with it? Put it towards food later. Cool. Cool. Favorite flavor of Ice Cream? Strawberry. Least favorite flavor of ice cream? Chocolate. Do you prefer white or black electronics? Uhhh depends. What is your favorite deodorant? I use Secret. Are you a good kisser ( make out )? Probably not. I’d be very rusty now....it’s been a long time. A stranger comes up to you and gives you a big hug, what do you do? Uh, I’d quickly back away and be extremely uncomfortable. I’d be like wtf? That would catch me completely off guard. Do your eyes tear up when you're nervous? Sometimes. Have you ever gotten the shakes in public? Yes. What do you like to order from Starbucks? Usually a caramel macchiato or a white chocolate mocha, but I do enjoy some of their seasonal drinks. Vanilla or Chocolate? Vanilla. Apples or Bananas? Bananas. Fruit or Veggies? I don’t eat much of either one. :X Water or Milk? Water. Regular Milk or Chocolate Milk? Ew. Would you milk a cow given the chance? No. What kind of underwear do you like? Hipster/hip huggers whatever you wanna call ‘em. Where do you shop for your underwear? A few different places. Chicken or Fish? Chicken. I hate seafood. Firm pillow or soft pillow? Soft, but firm.  What are you wearing when you go to sleep? Leggings and an oversized shirt. That’s all I wear now all the time. Do you take any meds? If so which and why? Pain medication.

[staticscreenwriting]

casual moths - chapter five

Due to Tumblr not showing my stuff in the tags whenever I add links, I had to delete the links to previous chapter. Find them by adding /angel-reyes-fanfiction after my URL :)

If you liked this part and wanna help me out, please consider a reblog. Thank you.

Chapter five - mornings & myths

“ That is not right, who does that ? “

“ I do “

“ That’s ridiculous. That’s not how it works. “

“ Who makes the rules ? “

“ I uh — no one but it’s common sense. “

“ I’m 4 I don’t know what that means “

The bickering of voices wakes Callie from a deep comfortable slumber. Looking around, she’s met with the sun shining through the curtains and onto the couch. She must’ve fallen asleep here once her and Angel had gotten too cold on the balcony and decided to move it inside.

They just talked. For a long time about a lot of stuff. And though he managed to stay away from all club related business, he did allow himself to get vulnerable with her. He talked about his mother and EZ and how unappreciated and lonely he feels most of the time. And it broke her heart. It still breaks her heart.

He’s been nothing but wonderful to her and Daisy and to know that he doesn’t receive all the love he deserves, not even from his own family, sends a metaphorical dagger straight to her heart.

Talking about Daisy.

Her little giggles carry from the kitchen and echo through the house, followed by Angel’s low chuckles.

As Callie gets up and leans against the doorway to the kitchen, she is faced with a sight that makes a warm fuzzy feeling spread throughout her entire body.

Daisy is sat on a chair by the kitchen isle, big bowl of cereal in front of her and smile on her face as Angel leans against the opposite site of the counter making silly faces at her.

“ I don’t know who told you this but putting milk before cereal is coo coo crazy. “

“ It’s delicious ! “ Daisy replies and furrows her little eyebrows in mock offence.

“ It’s wrong, girly. Sorry but It’s wrong. “

“ Mommy says it doesn’t matter as long as I eat my breakfast “

“ Ya know what ? Your ma is probably right “ Angel agrees and there’s a smile spreading on his face, so warm and welcoming, as he looks at the little girl. It makes him look so at peace with life. He looks so soft and loving and much younger than his usual frown makes him look..

Callie finds herself wishing she could put that expression of ease and comfort on his face more often.

The scene before her make her wonder if things could ever be like this permanently. If maybe somewhere down the line, if things with her and Angel go that way and work out, she gets to wake up to this more often. To her kid smiling and her — her Angel smiling along.

This is something she never thought she’d get. Ever. And maybe the universe is feeling generous right now but if this is as good as it gets, she’s not going to complain any time soon.

Angel spots movement from the corner of his eyes and as his gaze lands on Callie.She looks at him in a way he hasn’t been looked at in forever. He can’t tell exactly what it is but there’s a warmth and a familiarity that he’s missed so dearly for so long.

“ Look who’s up “ Angel exclaims and nods his head towards Callie and making Daisy swing around in her chair to see who he’s talking about.

“ Yeah, you two are bickering so loud I had to come investigate. What’s the issue here, huh ? “

There’s a smile on Callie’s face as she walks into the kitchen. One that she can’t wipe off no matter how much she tells herself that this is silly.

“ Angel puts the cereal first, then the milk. “

“ Uh yeah, because that’s the only right way to do it. Do you know that your kid eats cereal all wrong ? “ Angel asks, lightly brushing his hand against Callie’s back as she passes him to pour herself a mug of coffee.

It sends little tingles down her spine. God, she feels like a teenager again.

But at the way Angel’s eyes sparkle. At the subtle shimmer they hold, she can tell those feelings of giddiness are more than reciprocated.

“ I know this but honestly, I’m happy she’s eating at all. There was a phase when she refused to eat anything that wasn’t red so I’m not complaining “.

Angel just nods his head at that. Makes sense really.

“ Sooo, what are you ladies up to today ? “

He can immediately see the flicker of excitement in Daisy’s face at those words.

“ Going to grandma’s “

“ Grandma’s huh ? Is it fun there ? “

“ So fun. Grandma has a dog and a pool. “

“ No way !”

“ Uh huh. Right mommy ? “

Callie mulls her next words over in her head. Maybe it is a dumb idea but maybe — maybe it is just what both her and Angel need.

“ Yeah we’re having a BBQ. Bunch of friends and family coming over. It’s a thing we do every other month. Just a small chill get together. Kids play in the pool, adults collectively make fun of my uncle or sister. You should — you should come “.

Angel is glad he isn’t taking a sip of coffee in that moment cause it sure would’ve come right back out in a great spit-take.

“ To your mom’s ? “

“ Yeah. Is that weird ? Oh god, it’s weird. I’m sorry. I just thought it would be fun and my family is great so I’m sure they would welcome you with open arms and I — god I’m sorry. “

To be honest, he feels flattered. No one’s ever liked him enough to take him to a family gathering. Hell, even his own family seemed more at ease whenever he decided not to show up to their family reunions. But it means a lot to hear Callie invite him. To know she wants him there.

“ Nah, it’s not weird it’s nice. I just — I can’t today.“

“ Angel you neeeed to come. You can see me swim and meet Lola. “ Daisy exclaims loudly.

“ The dog ? “ Angel assumes.

“ Yup. She’s a Labragor. “

“ A Labrador, baby. “ Callie corrects her daughter, unable to keep the smile off of her face.

“ You know what ? “ Angel says, though his words seem to be directed at Daisy, his eyes are solely focused on Callie’s, “ I’d really like that “.

And the both know he’s not talking about the dog.

“ Next time you let me know a bit earlier and I’ll clear my schedule. ‘kay little lady ? “

At the way she’s pouting slightly, Angel can tell Daisy isn’t 100% happy with that, but she’s nodding slightly so that’s a good sign. Knowing she’s upset he can’t come, makes him feel both bad and slightly flattered.

And then there’s that look on (Y/N)’s face and the was she says “ We’d really love that”. Like it matters. Like him being there makes all the difference to her. And maybe it does.

So he’d be there next time.

Promise.

-OOO -

Angel leans against the porch railing, beer in one hand, cigarette in the other. There’s music loudly blasting through the clubhouse and it’s packed with people.

He’s still covered in grease and dirt from working at the scrap yard all day. When he said he couldn’t come to Callie’s family thing, he really meant it. Bush had been on his ass for a while now, telling him to put in more work and run off less often. And to anger his Pres is the last thing Angel wants to do. So all day has been spent fixing up cars, finding certain parts to sell to customers and getting increasingly more dirty and covered in grease.

Now that day has turned into night, the clubhouse is buzzing. There’s people everywhere. Dancing and drinking and making out and when usually he’d be one of them, right in the middle of it all, now he sits by the sidelines and watches. This has been the family he’s come to love so dearly for so many years. He never ever felt like he wanted to go home. There was nothing to go home to.

But as he sits there now, his mind wanders towards Callie and Daisy and he wonders what they’re doing now. Probably sleeping already or sitting on the balcony watching the stars. The same stars he can see from his place on the porch. And maybe they’re thinking of him too and wondering what he’s doing.

For the first time in a long time, Angel wants to leave the party early. To go and be with someone who’s door will be open. Whos arms will be open.

His eyes wander around the scrap yard. This life, his life, is so different to the little piece of heaven he got to experience with his girls lately. It’s loud and hard and rough and nothing like the soft touches,the small giggles, the affection and love that’s been poured onto him.

He wonders if there’s ever a proper way to combine the two worlds. To make Callie understand this part of him. To bring her around and introduce her to everyone. A single mother who owns a flower shop, really isn’t the kind of person to spend her time at motorcycle club parties. And yet, he so desperately wishes that there’s a solution to his problem. That somewhere in the future lies a path where he doesn’t have to choose between the two eventually.

The touch of long slender fingers against his shoulder, takes him from his daydream. And as he glances towards his left, there’s a girl he’s never met before, with eyes full of lust and longing.

“ Hi, I’m Lilly. “

If this was any other day, he would’ve had her on his lap by now, tongue touching her tongue. But it’s not.

Today he’s woke up cuddled to a woman he assumes must be an actual angel. He’s has breakfast with her and her kid who is as adorable as can be. He’s felt home. Felt it all the way to his heart.

There’s nothing Lilly can do for him.

“ Yeah? Well see that guy over there ? That’s EZ, he’s a prospect. He could use a good time.”

He doesn’t wait for her response, just finishes his drink and stubbs out his cigarette and moves through the clubhouse towards his room. He can still hear the music and the laughter but with his door closed, the world seems to slow down a little. Fumbling his phone from his pocket, he considers his next move for a moment. Surely Callie is asleep or at least lounging on the couch. Would she even want to talk to him at this time of the night ?

But then again, she hasn’t given him a reason to doubt it. She’s always welcoming, always warm smiles and soft touches and sunshine personified. Always.

He dials the number before his insecurities can rear their ugly heads and talk him out of it. God, he’s being ridiculous. This is straight up teenage behavior.

“ Hello ? “

Her voice sounds tired and raspy. Like she’s just woken up or at least has been close to sleep when the phone rang.

“ Hey, it’s me. Did I wake you ? “

“ Hi, Angel. Oh no, don’t worry “ she says and lets out a small laugh, he’s not sure he fully believes her but hearing her laugh makes all his guilt disappear. Hearing her laugh is worth it all. “ I was just sitting on the balcony, reading a book. “

“ Yeah ? Any good. “

“ Meh. Why are you calling ? You okay ? “

“ Yeah. Just — wanted to talk to you. “

He’s never felt like this about a woman before. Like he is missing something when she isn’t around. And maybe it’s delusional to feel like this after such a short time. But life is fucking ridiculous during the best of times. Maybe a little bit of disillusion and disregard for what people expect isn’t all that bad.

“ Oh that’s sweet. We really missed you today. Daisy has been talking people’s ears off about you. She adores you. “

His heart soars at that. If he can make Daisy love him. If he can win her over. If she, of all people, thinks he’s a good one, than that counts for something. She’s all good things. Sunshine and happiness and flowers and love. Making her like him, makes him insanely proud.

“ You girls had a good time ? Did she get to swim? Get cuddle the Labragor ? “ Angel asks, a low chuckle following his words.

“ She did. It was nice. My family can be a lot but I love them dearly. Technically Daisy can’t swim properly but she’s learning. She’s always wearing floaties and someone’s in the pool with the kids at all time so, yeah. I think she’s had a good day. ”

“ I’m glad. ‘m happy you’re happy. 

“ I wish you were happy too. “

“ I am. I’m getting there “  … and it’s mostly because of you. He wants to add that but doesn’t instead his brain conjures up a mush of words and thoughts and ends up with:

“ Can you see the stars ? “

It’s a terribly cheesy thing to say and Angel even scrunches his face in discomfort as the words leave his lips. It felt like his heart had a grip over his mind, over his mouth. His heart was speaking and the rest of him just had to sit and hope for the best.

“ I am yeah. Sky’s clear tonight. What about you ? “ she doesn’t take the piss. Doesn’t judge. Doesn’t even wonder about his question. Callie just acts like that’s a conversation they have every day. Maybe they should.

“ Nah I’m inside. I did earlier though. Wondered if you were watching them. “

“ Is this out thing now ? Watching the stars ? “

“ It could be. You know any cool star facts ? “

Callie is quiet for a moment before she speaks up again “ actually, I do ! “

“ You do, huh ? “

“ Yeah, well. It’s more of a story than a fact, really. You wanna hear about it ? “

“ Sure. “

“ Well, “ Callie starts, Angel is already hooked, “ I’m not sure if I have mentioned this before but my full name is Callista. And that name comes from the name Callisto. Callisto was a nymph from ancient greek mythologie. Zeus fell in love with her and they had a son. But you know Zeus, dude was already married to Hera. Hera got so angry she turned Callisto into a bear. She wandered the woods for years and years. Then one day Arcos, her son, went on a hunt and when she was him she got so excited that she ran up to him, completely forgetting that she’s a bear. Arcos was frightened, understandably, and drew his spear. Though Zeus saw all of this and wanted to prevent disaster. So he swooped down and lifted both of them up into the sky and turned them into constellations. That’s the ursa major constellation, the great bear. “

She’s a star. A constellation. Lighting up the sky when things seem dark and scary. It’s oddly fitting, he thinks. When that’s all she’s done to his life since she’s walked in.

“ You’re a star. “

“ I guess “ she giggles, only to be interrupted by a yawn forcing it’s way out.

“ And you’re tired. Go to bed, baby.”

“ Will I see you soon ? “

“ Sure. How about lunch tomorrow ? “

“ Sounds good. Come by the shop and we can decide on where to go. “

“ Alright. See you tomorrow, night babe. “

“ Night, Angel. “

When they hang up, he’s left in a comfortable silence. The party is still raging around him though Angel doesn’t really acknowledge it. All he can think of is her voice and her smile and the fact that she’s watching the same stars.

A little while later, Angel walks outside to get a drink. There’s a bunch of guys sitting around the table, getting tattooed by one of the club’s friends.

Ricky isn’t a good tattoo artist by any means but to most of the guys it’s not about the artistry. It’s the meaning behind the piece. It’s status. It’s sending a message.

And then a little bell chimes up in Angel’s head. It’s about meaning. About status. About wearing symbols of the things you like. The thinks you fear. The things you love.

“ Hey Ricky ? “ he calls out.

“ Yuh ? “

“ You any good at drawing stars ?

-OOO-

Callie Cordell goes to sleep with a smile on her face that night, longing for the sun to ride above to horizon and turn the night into day. Butterflies already swarming her tummy at the thought of seeing Angel again the next day.

Her mind is occupied with all things of happiness and joy. With thoughts of Angel’s eyes and the way he makes her blush.

All there is on her mind is him and the stars.

And not a single thought is given to the silver car parked just a few houses down the road. The one hiding in the shadows, sheltered between two houses and a big oak tree, engulfed by the night and untouched by the starlight.

- A note from Jo -

Hi guys, sorry no taglist this time. I’m assuming links are what’s caused my stuff not to show up in the tags. I will try and figure out a way to let people know when a new part is up though. The easiest way to stay updated is to follow my tumblr though, just sayin’ ;P

[stanthemanstan]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑺𝒌𝒚 𝑰𝒔 𝒂 𝑺𝒂𝒇𝒆 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏 ❧ 𝑪𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝑰𝑰

A/N: sorry about the wait between uploads! I’ve been doing my best with balancing school and writing but I’m not great at managing my time. If you’re enjoying the series and want to get notified, the link to my taglist form is here! Please submit URLs there and feel free to leave feedback as well. Not sure how I feel about the ending of this one, but I hope you enjoy!

Word count: 2.8K

Series masterlist

Stanley was in the midst of writing letters when his phone rang for the second time that night. It was a slow process, a meticulous selection of words. His future absence would be explained well by carefully crafted sentences.

He glanced over at his buzzing phone to see another unknown number at the top and the location Phoenix, AZ. It was a place familiar to him only in the shadows of his mind. He knew it had come up in conversation before. Great for stargazing.

Ever since his memories resurfaced, he’d been thinking about you, trying so hard to bring every detail back to mind. Maybe it was to drown out the fear that inevitably came with remembrance. Maybe it was because that love was there all along, just waiting to be unearthed. He wanted to think of the little things that brought you both joy. The sky is a safe haven, he remembered you saying.

One ring.

He remembered your little excursions in junior year when enough time had passed for the town’s apprehension to die down. The curfew had been removed. Since the cycle ended, the town as a whole (but mainly the adults) moved on scarily fast, as if the past was blurred and unimportant. Although you were still haunted by the past and the memories that came with it, you knew you were safe for at least another twenty-seven years.

Two rings.

It was common for you two to visit the Barrens to watch the sunset. Sneaking out took a while for Stan to accustom himself to, but with gentle persuasion, he came to accept and soon love it. The sights were worth it. You’d get there a bit earlier for him to look out for birds, and when the sun bid its daily farewell, you greeted the stars that peeked out of the sky.

He picked up his phone, his finger hovering over the screen. Three rings.

He always brought a blanket to lay down on, for he was cautious of whatever could be in the grass— bugs especially. He was always mindful of your fears, and you shared an unmatched empathy with each other. He’d hold you close, gingerly, never wanting to let go.

He accepted the call.

Oh, how Stan hoped it was you calling. To hear your voice again, to relive your most cherished moments together, to bask in your former (and hopefully resurfacing) infatuation with each other— it would be a dream. He shouldn’t hope, though. What about the pressing matter of Mike’s call? What were the chances that it was even you calling now?

Throughout the years, you had both become better at recognizing constellations, following the moon phases, and analyzing the void of space. You’d often say that you thought too much about it. He’d often reply that those thoughts were beautiful nonetheless.

In the evenest voice he could muster, he answered the call in the same way he did with Mike’s. “Stanley Uris speaking.”

You were both beginning to think about the future at that point. Y’know, when I apply for college, it’ll be in Arizona for sure, you had said. After that memory, the familiarity of Phoenix finally made sense to him. Could it really be you?

His remaining doubts were silenced when the voice came through from the other line. How ridiculous of him to doubt the possibility. He probably just wanted to prepare himself for disappointment; there were too many unknowns to determine what could happen at first. However, he knew that the Losers Club was brought together by unfathomable forces all of those years ago. Why wasn’t it bound to happen again?

Mhm. Not as much light pollution out there, he had replied, nodding a bit.

The universe has strange ways of working, anyway. “Stanley…” you breathed. It was really him. His voice. He was there. “Hi, I can’t believe it. This is—”

“(Y/N),” he said, unable to contain a loving smile. Even your voice had a recognizable tone. How could he have ever doubted it?

Hey, you remembered, you whispered gratefully. You knew that you talked endlessly about the sky as it was, and as everyone grew older, you talked more and more about each other’s future plans. The fact that he had recalled such a minute detail about yours brought a smile upon your face. Yeah, it’s so desolate— great for stargazing.

You marveled at the way he could still simply say your name and set off relentless butterflies in your stomach. You also sighed with the relief of his memory, and something about that incredulous doubt made you chuckle. “You remembered.”

He had tilted his head so he could see you. When you looked back, you saw the most genuine love gracing his expression. It sounds perfect for you, babylove.

“It’s… It’s all coming back to me. It’s so bizarre.”

His words had warmed your heart that night, and you expressed your gratitude by tilting your head to press a soft kiss on his cheek. Thanks, Stanny. I hope I’ll go there, you wished with a smile. What about you? What’re you planning?

“It really is… especially since I don’t even remember forgetting,” you realized. When had these memories faded? How could such wonderful (and frightening) moments abandon you without a trace?

I’m not quite sure yet, he decided after humming in consideration.

Stan was asking himself the same questions, but he had an answer of some sort, even if it wasn’t a good one— “I don’t know” is still an answer. “I don’t know how I could have possibly forgotten what we had,” he said softly.

C’mon, you must be thinking of something. With a brilliant mind like yours, you ought to get a scholarship. Stan had merely chuckled at that, the possibility sounding a bit absurd to him. We’ll see about that, dove, he replied.

“Me neither,” you said just as quietly, a nostalgic smile gracing your lips. “It was beautiful, wasn’t it?”

You remembered thinking with a grin of how much success, how much happiness the future would bring, whether it be through a scholarship or a telescope. It faded the more you contemplated it, though. What was that worth if you weren’t together, sharing it? If you were on opposite sides of the country, or possibly the world?

You had soon found yourself staring at him with sad eyes. Even if I do get to see the night sky in Arizona, it won’t be the same without you, you whispered. His gaze softened, sympathetic. For some reason, it’s much more beautiful when you’re with me.

Life itself is more beautiful spent with someone you love, Stan replied, adjusting his hold to hug you closer. When he continued, he paused to kiss you after each example he listed. The birds are prettier —your cheek— the stars are brighter —the corner of your lips— the laughs more frequent —your temple; he was glad to hear your laugh at that moment— even the simplest things are so much more enjoyable.

“Of course. It was incredibly so.” He wanted so badly to return to that, but it could never be that simple.

As you thought back on the fond moment, you couldn’t help but want to imagine what your future could have been like together. You almost spoke that thought aloud. The authenticity of his words was audible, though, and you knew that it would only bring a somber light to the conversation. You both regretted departing from each other, and you both knew it. Stan, however, had to face that guilt for a year more than you had; he was a grade behind. It was something so painful for him to reflect on.

“You know, I’m really glad it was you who called,” he said, speaking his mind unlike you. The thought was sweeter, able to be said without blatantly hurtful reminders, and your smile returned because of it.

“I’m really glad you answered.”

Only then did it occur to you that there were so many other possibilities with your call. He could have missed it. He could have never remembered the past, never remembered you. He could have been dead.

“Really, really glad,” you added earnestly. You drew in a shaky breath, composing yourself. “I hope life’s been treating you well.”

“Thank you. I’ve, um, got my own business now, been living in Georgia with my wife.” Stan made a quick summary of missed events as best as he could. The final detail was an impulsive thing to say, something absentminded and routine that just slips out. Shit— Of all people to mention it to… I’m sorry, (Y/N). Now that I remember everything, I wish it could be us… “It’s nice here.”

“Oh.” He’s married. He hated how clearly he could hear the pain in that one shuddering word. Your voice was so small. Barely audible. You forced out another phrase, trying to conceal any of your negative emotions, self-doubts. “That’s good.”

Stan felt immediately guilty, unsure if he could really resolve the matter but about to ramble a nervous apology regardless. “And—”

You instead cut him off, knowing of his tendencies. “Stan?” you pressed gently. You had a mere question. You only needed the confirmation.

“Yes?” He was willing to listen instead of ramble. He was always willing to listen.

“Would it have been different if we were married? To each other?” The more you spoke, the more you overthought it. Your train of thought was discursive. Your voice was becoming shakier. Your eyes were welling with tears. “That might just be a stupid question… And— And I don’t mean to offend your wife, she’s obviously very lucky, but—”

“Yes,” Stan said. He understood what you meant, and he had pondered the same question. His answer was the rigid and sad truth. “(Y/N), it would have been so much different.”

Those words tore a sob from your aching throat, and then the tears cascaded. You couldn’t help it at this point. There was absolutely nothing you could do to change the past, so this was your form of lamenting it. It was pitiful but uncontrollable. An overwhelming urge to respond.

“Please don’t cry, babylove.” The nickname slipped out naturally. For you, though, it jumped out of the past. The reminder of it only made your sobs worsen, only made you long for those simple times more. And what if he used this nickname in his marriage? It devastated you how your thoughts would lead you from one pain to another.

Stan really did love Patty, but his response was still true. It would be different with you. What you shared was more than marital love, it was deeper, closer, a passion and a devotion, a binding of souls. A relationship that blossomed and continuously strengthened as you became adults.

“I’m sorry, Stan, I’m so sorry…” you said, doing your best to calm down. No use in worsening your feelings for much longer. You were able to compose yourself to begin asking some more pressing questions, the questions that you could only avoid in this conversation for so long. “It’s just— You got Mike’s call, too, right? A-And I’ll see you tomorrow? At home?” Please, I really need to see you. I need to know you’re there.

He wanted to say no. Tell you the truth. Tell you what needed to be done. No, you won’t see me. I’ll be gone by then. He just couldn’t do that to you… but it still hurt just as much to lie. To get your hopes up. There was no telling what would happen if he did tell you the truth, anyway. Neither option was necessarily favorable. “Yeah. Yeah, I’ll… be there.”

“We have to go back. Face our old fears again. We have to go back, don’t we…?” You trailed off, your voice questioning. You couldn’t help but imagine the kinds of surreal and terrifying experiences you might face. What might come back to haunt you.

“I suppose we do,” he whispered. However, at the same time, he knew that he could never again face what he saw. The fear he felt. He’d be a liability— the end of everyone. And he couldn’t bring you down with him. “It’ll be hard, but we have to. You’re so strong, (Y/N). Please remember that.”

“Stan, I—”

“Please.”

For him, you would. “I will.” Undoubtedly.

And if he had alluded to what he was about to do, you would’ve told him the same thing. He was just as strong. Just as courageous. You would’ve told him that you’d be there for him for the rest of time. But he kept his plans in check.

It struck you briefly that he hadn’t told you that he would be there for you, as well, something he had said many times in his youth. And the undertone of the assurance… there was something off, something wrong in it. Something you wouldn’t quite register until it was too late.

“I hope you’ve still been studying the stars,” he offered gently. The thought was random, but a true one; he really did wish the best for you. He hoped he could at least manage to end the call on a positive note. He wanted your final memory of him to be comforting, to be something to reminisce in gratitude rather than grief. And while he knew that the two of you could talk for hours more, his letters sat waiting —unfinished and prompting— upon his desk.

You let out a tearful chuckle and a ghost of a smile reached your lips. “I have been. I’ve become an astronomer like I’ve always wanted to be. The sky is absolutely beautiful, Stanley. I… I do wish that I could see it with the same eyes I did all those years ago, though.”

The sentiment made Stanley’s heart sink. There was silence on his end of the call for a few moments as a new line for his letters came to mind. And if you find someone worth holding onto, he wrote, never, ever let them go.

“I’m more than happy that you got to live your dream,” he said at last. He paused again, wanting to ensure that he picked the right words. “But… maybe when you get to Derry, the sky will be as you remembered it.”

“Yeah… Maybe it will be.” It’s much more beautiful— as you remembered it was— when you’re with me. You thought about the possibility of going stargazing like in the old times if you were to defeat It together. Your hopes jumped a bit.

A soft question of your name brought you out of your head. “(Y/N)?”

“Stan?” you replied.

“I love you.”

Those three simple words warmed your heart to no end. You had no clue as to how such deep feelings could return after so long, but you felt like a teenager again after hearing him say that. The care and affection and love that you had for him was evidently still there, and it was just as strong as it was before. It awed you.

“I love you, too,” you said, your voice filled with emotion. You’d never been so sure of the truth in that statement. A wide smile subconsciously spread across your face, and you took a moment to bask in it before reality struck. There was so much that you needed to do before going home, you realized. And before seeing him.

“I— I should probably start packing, though, there’s a lot to worry about when it comes to returning to Derry. You probably have a lot on your mind with the call, too.”

“You’re right.” He knew the end of the call would reach him eventually, but he didn’t want to leave you again. This would be his very final departure from you before he would soon leave the earth, leave everything behind with you, as well. His letters needed tending to, and he needed to express to you how much of an impact you made on him.

Instead of saying goodbye, he instead told you another “I love you.” He hoped that your farewell wouldn’t be something untrue, but he had no control over your response.

“I love you, too,” you repeated again. “See you in Derry.”

Stan winced, knowing that he wouldn’t be there himself. However, it was likely that you’d see him anyway in some form or another; Its mind games always exploit weaknesses in their deceitful tactics. It just wouldn’t be real, and it was something he trusted you would overcome.

But at least it wasn’t a goodbye.

The line cut off. After an hour more of writing, the bathtub faucet began spewing water.

Tags: @milk-n-cheese​ @witchjules​

[kageyamass]

get to know me!

rules: once you've answered everything, tag 10 bloggers you want to learn more about!

tagged by: @tatakaedrey tysm <3

name/alias: my name is nicole but i usually go by nic (fun fact: i used to go by nicki in 5th grade and then nicki cole in 6th bc i thought i was so cool🤩🤩)

hair color: black but in the light its like a rly dark brown, i rly wanna dye it like a coral/peach color but im broke 🥴

zodiac sign: sagittarius🥰🥰 im sag sun and rising <33 i have my entire birth chart if yall wanna see

height: 5’5 // 165 cm im v average

hobbies: uh idk sleeping? i enjoy that a lot. i like writing sometimes but i dont post anything but i have a lot of stuff ive written from so many different fandoms, and i love reading fics and headcanons !!! also, ive recently gotten into playing minecraft again so there’s that(:

favorite color: orange. always. any shade of orange im love. i also like the color green but it depends sometimes (i bought a cute water bottle yesterday thats like a light green color v v nice)

favorite books: i dont read on my own time anymore, but my favorite to read for school (and i rec that everyone read) were nectar in a sieve by kamala markandaya, zeitoun by dave eggers, and blood meridian by cormac mccarthy !! nectar in a sieve is about a woman who married as a child bride and encountered lots of problems that she had to fight for esp since her “neighborhood” was changing and like getting “upgraded,” pls pls read its amazing! zeitoun is about a guy who stays in new orleans to help ppl during/after hurricane katrina but he’s muslim and there’s a lot of security that go around so it gets v dramatic and emotional. spectacular. blood meridian is cowboyz🤠🤠 its super violent and depicts rly gross scenes so read at your own risk, but its kinda ?? about this boy (its all in the 1850s) who runs away from home and ends up in cowboy gangs and experiences a lot of death around him (bc they’re cowboys in the 1850s) and i need to reread it bc the end was extremely figurative (i think) and i think it has some kind of meaning but idk... so yeah my top 3 (:

last song i listened to: fast pace by seventeen! and yes, you should stan seventeen they are amazing pls watch some of their dance practices bc oml its so mesmerizing (honestly i am 1000% willing to make a post just on this, they have spectacular choreography that makes all 13 of them look so graceful ???? and somehow its never lookin like a huge mess ???? stunning.)

last film i watched: lmao night at the museum 3, my dad bought it on dvd bc we have the first two but neither one of us remembered what the 3rd was like so we watched it and i still dont really remember seeing it but whatever ig it was gr8

things i love: wowie, so many things, um, commas, obviously :D minecraft, youtube, sleeping, listening to/finding new music, early mornings, coffee (even tho i cant drink it anymore ); ) late night drives w friends, and being w friends in general tbh (irl or online)

what brings me peace: def being comfortable expressing myself and not feeling worried or anxious that someone might get offended or anything like that, finishing any work i have, watching rtgame’s livestreams or callmekevin’s videos (im boo boo the fool) listening to music

meaning behind my url: i made it for haikyuu!! and i clearly love kageyama (the og loml) and i wanted it to be easy to read, so i was like “kageyama’s ass ...” and boom. kageyamass.

tysm for tagging me !!! it was v v fun<3

tagging : @kagehinaass @kyrtsad @dantaelixn @bokkuto @simplyuta @erdbeermilch @spidroos (you absolutely do not have to do it if you don’t want to, that is a-okay)🥵

[jinniesmeow]

8 people I want to get to know better tag!

I was tagged by @kim-seungmine who also happens to be someone I would like to know better!! so thanks for the opportunity :) here goes for more boring facts about me no one asked for! yay!

one ➵ name — zia

two ➵ birthday — July 21st

three ➵ zodiac sign — cancer sun, taurus rising, pisces moon

four ➵ height — 175cm

five ➵ hobbies — Netflix, lots of anime, music, youtube, drawing, writing, reading, crying for no reason and having existential crises at 3am every night

six ➵ favorite colors — pastel colours or dark colours, there is no in between

seven ➵ favorite books — (I fucking love Murakami too what a coincidence lmao, and make it double, I absolutely love colourless tsukuru tazaki and his years of pilgrimage too :’)) the Riordanverse books, the perks of being a wallflower (which I just started re-reading lol), and most importantly, Alice in Wonderland which will probably always be my favourite book. (there are more I just can’t think of any other right now lol)

eight ➵ last song i listened to — Better By Myself - Hey Violet

nine ➵ last film i watched — idk but the last show I watched was Mindhunter

ten ➵ inspiration for muse — songs, films, books, and mostly my own twisted dreams tbh (weird muses I know)

twelve ➵ meaning behind your url — I love skz and hyunjin is one of my biases and I love cats and idk why does it have to have a meaning it’s a cute user that definitely does not fit me but who cares right

I'll try to tag 8 people I want to know better and please, don’t be surprised if I tag you bc I actually know very little about like 3/4 of my moots so yeah... 

@staytion-nine @jisung-enthusiast @theminho @cherry-seungmin @2lino @jooheonenthusiast and uuuuh I can’t really think of anyone else,,,, I follow few people actually... y’all are some of the most recent ones (it’s been months I know, see? never follow anyone) pls don’t feel offended let’s just be friends :’) 

[multifandombitxh]

(re-upload)

Title: Come Over Pairing: Frank Castle x Reader Genre: Angst & Fluff Warnings: Strong language A/N: Hi I love making up plot on the spot ayyyy I should do improv Basic premise: Reader used to work for SHIELD, gave Frank a lot of info and got really close with him. Yay! 01/24/19 Edit: I’m re-uploading this after someone informed me the “read more” on the original doesn’t work after my URL change.

“You know Frank, I’m starting to think you actually are dead,” you said, eyes lowered to the concrete. You shifted your weight and pulled your jacket tighter around your torso with your free arm. The cold night air rushed over you and you shivered once.

Frank scoffed from his end of the phone and sighed. You couldn’t even see him and you knew he had that stupid smirk on his face and was shaking his head.

“I know it’s been a long time,” he said, “And I’m gonna make up for it, I promise. But right now… it’s better if I keep my distance.”

“Right,” you said, rolling your eyes. “Because everyone will see you coming. Not like I’ve been dead this whole time too or anything like that. Everyone’s out looking for a dead person. Makes sense.”

Frank stayed quiet and another gust of wind nearly knocked you off your feet. “Look, Frank. One dead bastard to another, I miss you. Being dead sucks. You’re the first person I’ve reached out to since I went into hiding and all I get is to hear your voice.”

It felt strange, telling the truth for once. Frank knew about everything you’d done; from betraying SHIELD to faking your own death to keep the people you loved safe. It was almost too similar to his story, which helped him to understand better. How Frank Castle ended up being the person you first revealed yourself to was a mystery to the both of you. You’d met a few times before, seeing as it was your job to help catch him and put him behind bars. In a strange turn of events, you actually took his side in the end. After finding him and listening to him explain his story, you changed your mind. You decided to help him any way you could, and sometimes that meant offering emotional support or keeping his head on straight.

Sometimes, you just need to get shit done on your own. That’s what he was doing, and you weren’t about to stop him.

That, and he could kick your ass without even trying.

Dude was kinda scary.

“I’m sorry,” Frank said softly, “Just a little longer, okay? I’ll see you again, you hear me?”

“Yeah,” you replied, sighing. “I hear you.”

“Good,” he said, “Thanks for the intel you gave me, I really appreciate that. I’ll be in touch.”

The line went dead and you let your shoulders slump. In an act of frustration, you slammed the payphone back into place and stormed away, your cheeks still burning from the cold. Shoving your hands into your pockets you made your way back home, thoughts of your warm apartment driving you to get there fast.

On your brief walk home, you thought back to the time you spent with Frank, listening to his story and trying to understand. You’d call him your friend, after all the shit he’d helped you with, and the shit you’d done in return. Regardless of how short the time was you had to see him before he disappeared, you’d gotten close to him in a way you couldn’t understand.

Maybe that made you crazy, feeling like you could call The Punisher your friend. With all of the things they said about him in the papers, most considered him an animal; a lunatic who murders people for shits and giggles. You were glad that you knew otherwise.

After carefully unlocking the door to your apartment- the shivering made it pretty difficult- you rushed inside and let out a huge puff of air. You felt your chest loosen up and you shut your eyes. They burned and watered from the cold so you rubbed at them, removed your jacket, and slowly made your way to your couch.

You all but flopped down into the cushions and sighed heavily, rubbing your temples with your fingertips and starting to wind down. Your mind was still racing from the conversation with Frank and you couldn’t seem to shut it up. As you were about to reach for the TV remote, the floorboards behind you creaked. Without blinking an eye you grabbed the handgun you had hidden under a couch pillow and swung around, but when you saw who it was, you stopped yourself before you could pull the trigger.

“Frank, you asshole!” you shouted, standing up from the couch, “I almost killed you, you stupid fuck!”

“Nice to see you, too,” he laughed, “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You are such a dick!” you made your way over and shoved him, his back hitting the wall behind him. “What is wrong with you!”

“Hey, come on, calm down,” he replied, holding his hands up in defense. You shoved him back again.

“How did you get in here?” you demanded.

Frank laughed and looked anywhere but at you. “Followed you here a long time ago, sweetheart. I’ve known where you’ve been for a while.”

“God dammit,” you sighed.

“You done pushin’ me around yet?” he asked, his tone lighthearted.

You rolled your eyes and backed up, turned away, and clasped your hands behind your head. “You’re a piece of work, Frank Castle.”

“Yeah, well, tell me somethin’ I don’t know,” he said nonchalantly, following after you.

“I thought you needed more time,” you asked, whipping back around. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Believe it or not kid, I missed you too,” he explained. His voice was soft, almost timid. He wasn’t looking you in the eye again. In fact, his eyes were all over the room, but never landed on you. “I wanted to see you.”

“So what, you decided to drop in, say hi, ask for a favor and go?”

“What? No, why would I-”

“Because that was how it always is, Frank. Or at least that’s how it was.”

Frank sighed heavily and ran his hand over the top of his head. “Look, I’m sorry, alright? What else do you want me to say, huh? That I was heartbroken because I couldn’t see you anymore? That I got all ‘woe is me’ when I heard you died? I wasn’t. I have more important shit to do than making sure you don’t get your feelings hurt.”

You shook your head at him. “If you came here to make me feel like shit, congrats. You got what you wanted. Now get out.”

When he simply stared at you instead of responding, you scoffed and moved past him, letting your shoulder clip his on the way. “Goodnight, Frank.”

“Hey, don’t you do that,” he called after you, “Come on, don’t walk away from me again.”

You stopped in your tracks and bowed your head. Your heart ached in your chest and it felt like it was about to burst. “You should go.”

As you resumed walking down the hallway to your bedroom, Frank was almost immediately in tow, grabbing your wrist and stopping you again. His grip was firm; when you tried to pull away and couldn’t, you turned and shot him a warning look.

“Let go.”

Frank shook his head. “Not happenin’.”

You attempted to pull away again and failed, but you continued to struggle against him anyway. He only pulled you in closer, hushing you as you began to protest with very strong words. You all but begged him to let go of you but still he refused, yanking on your arm until you were close enough for him to wrap his arms around you completely.

“I’m not letting you go,” he said, his tone haunted and gruff. “Not again. I won’t.”

As hard as you’d fought to get away from him, you eventually gave up and melted into his embrace. You had no idea how long it had been but you missed it, letting Frank hold you and the sense of security that came with it.

“I’m sorry,” Frank whispered, “I’m sorry for everything. I should’ve just come to see you instead of calling you. I shouldn’t have said I didn’t care when I heard you died. I did… I cared a lot. I lost one of the people I trust the most. I lost someone I wanted to protect, someone I cared about. Some days I would beat myself up for not trying harder, y’know, I thought, if I’d been there to protect you maybe I could’ve saved you. You’re more to me than just a source of information… Even if that’s all you were when I first met you.”

You laughed gently and wrapped your arms around his waist, fully accepting the vulnerability of the moment and savoring it. “Thanks.”

“I care about you, you got that?” Frank asked, grabbing you by the shoulders and looking you in the eye. “Don’t you ever forget that.”

A sense of bravery washed over you and, without even thinking, you leaned in and connected your lips to his in a hesitant, soft kiss. It lasted barely two seconds and when your eyes met again, Frank grabbed your waist and kissed you again, this time letting it last, and making it meaningful. Your toes curled inside your shoes and you felt light as air, like you’d float away if you weren’t careful. Luckily, Frank was there to keep you grounded.

When the kiss ended you both laughed and Frank’s hand came to stroke the side of your face. The rest of the night was spent over several cups of coffee, the both of you sitting on your kitchen floor side-by-side and catching up. You talked about the good things, the bad things, and the rolling-on-the-floor-tears-in-your-eyes-laughing things. You shared several more kisses but neither of you wanted to ruin the sentimental value by taking it any further than that.

Sooner than you’d expected, the sun began to rise. You both knew it was time for him to leave, even though neither of you wanted it. Frank stood at the front door and slipped on his coat, put on his beanie, and pulled the hood on his jacket up over his head. He looked like someone you’d want to avoid if you were walking alone at night, if you didn’t know any better.

You were leaned back against the couch, watching him with tired eyes. When he was done layering up, he turned to you, a fond look in his eyes. He smiled, you smiled back, then he reached out with one hand and let it rest on the left side of your face. You looked into each other eyes for a moment, but eventually Frank’s eyes wandered downward to your lips. Instead of kissing them, he settled for your cheek, his lips lingering.

“I’ll come back,” he whispered into your ear, “I promise.”

You nodded and watched as he slowly made his way outside, bracing the cold and gently closing your front door behind him. The smirk he shot you as he shut the door was just reassurance that he would keep his promise.

[ludacryst]

Survey Says..

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I'm 5'3, but I sometimes wish I was shorter because of how cute it can be in a relationship. I've watched too much anime, okay?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Well, @warpedbelief didn't help me figuring this out because his dragon idea was really cool. However... I'll just stick with cats. I love cats. (I also love dragons..)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Comfortable. Lol. I mostly wear PJs.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Final Fantasy series in general. 7 & 9 Specifically. My heart was always with Zelda ALTTP though.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Erwin, Wiggles, PoF (Power of Friendship, so my friends/family.)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Caution : Speaks her mind far too often. No filter. Bossy af. Does not cave easily.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? I don't know.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Melancholic.

9: Are you ticklish? .....No...?....(Yes)

10: Are you allergic to anything? Lots of stuff. There's a list uploaded somewhere.

11: What’s your sexuality? Heteronormative Bisexual. I used to call it straight with a twist until I figured out there was an actual term for it. Basically, I'm emotionally attracted to men and commonly see myself in a relationship with men. (My Husband, HI.) However, I have similar attractions physically to women, but have never seen myself in a relationship with one other than physically.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa or Tea, but I'll drink any of em.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat. 1000% They're chill just like me... once they're older.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Elf, probably. I love nature, I hate being allergic to it though.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Nah, I just skim youtube from time to time, no favorite.

16: How tall are you? 5'3.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I'd probably keep it in the realm it's already in. So, I'm Crystal. I go by Crys (Chris) so probably Christina.. or anything that could shorten it to Chris of sorts. It's just me.

18: How much do you weigh? 175-190, depends on if I've ate fast food recently or not. More averaged at 186, but it's jumped a lot the past few months. Goal weight is 125.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Sure. I don't disbelieve. Had a thing when i was a kid a few times that make me think something exists.. whether or not we know what it is.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space. Stars. I love water don't get me wrong, but I'm more curious about what we can't physically reach.

21: Are you religious? Nah.

22: Pet peeves? Liars, people who try to grind my gears, people saying "I'm going to do it just to spite you." I'm tired of toxicity of people.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal. I'm defaulted to Nocturnal, so just eat some edibles and we're in bed by 10pm! :)

24: Favorite constellation? Leo ;)

25: Favorite star? Sirius, it shines the brightest.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don't like dolls. They're creepy.

27: Any phobias or fears? Irrational : Dolls, Being around people. Rational : Heights, Closed Spaces t-t

28: Do you think global warming is real? Fucking. Is this seriously a question? Of course it's real.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I actually like to. It gives me hope there's something after death.

30: Favorite movie? I'm not sure I have a favorite movie...

31: Do you get scared easily? Nah, but I love a good jump scare.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? Christina - My first doggie, passed away when I was in 4th grade. She was a mini collie~ Alexi - My green/yellow parakeet. Passed away at roughly 2-3 years old. Jiggy - My gray/white beautiful DHS big boi kitty. (2006-2016) Momma - My loving calico who picked me over everyone. ;o;  (2006-2018) Wiggles - Adopted from my family, he's a tyrant! He loves his dad more than me tho... [rude] (2016-???)

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] You CC please.

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue. Blue is always relaxing, especially softer/darker blues.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Travel wise, I want to visit a lot of places. Germany, UK, Canada... more specifically Niagara Falls.. Live wise, if I could, I'd live in Canada. However... I just want to live in the midwest, or east, somewhere more affordable in the US.

36: Where were you born? Ohio!

37: What is your eye color? Blue-gray.

38: Introvert or extrovert? 1000% introverted.

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they're amusing as fuck. I don't believe/follow them 100%. I do like to imagine what it would be like if they were right though. I follow zodiac stuff way more than horoscope.

40: Hugs or kisses? xoxoxo - Preferably hugs, they're for everyone! *HUGS*

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Scotty! ( @warpedbelief )

42: Who is someone you love deeply? @hyphenhero - My husbando.

43: Any piercings you want? I really dunno any more. The only one I've been considering lately is Daith.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I don't dislike tattoos and piercings.

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? Cigarettes are disgusting. Be more descriptive of your "smoking." I have marijuana vapes I enjoy.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Well, I married him.

47: What is a sound you really hate? Anything pitchy. My ears have been killing me the past year or so.

48: A sound you really love? Meow.

49: Can you do a backflip? HAHAHA No.

50: Can you do the splits? Almost did them on accident the other day. It really hurt. (No)

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Do voice actors count? Because then I'm between two. Johnny Yong Bosch and Matt Mercer.

52: Favorite movie? Wasn't this asked already? I don't have one.

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I really want to bleach it blonde again.

55: When did you feel happiest? Maybe when we first moved into our second apartment? The rent was cheaper, it was nice. I miss freedom. Though, I also miss having a full guild of friends and getting along and having fun together.. Man I'm getting old.

56: Something that calms you down? Marijuana primarily. Hugs. Kittens.

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] Anxiety, Depression, Memory issues xD Honestly you should just ask if there's stuff NOT wrong with me.

58: What does your URL mean? It's a nickname a friend gave me 11 years ago. Holy crap. It's been 11 years.

59: What three words describe you the most? Sassy, Bratty, Mom-ish.

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Too much spam/boring content. Stuff I'm not interested in. Sometimes inactivity for years.

62: What makes you follow a blog? Stuff I'm interested in typically.

63: Favorite kind of person: People I can just talk to about anything. I like to talk. I don't like to be pestered and felt bad about not responding right away. I enjoy helping people. So I'm mostly a listener. I like to talk about stuff we're mutually interested in. Sometimes I love people I can debate with but not hate after (reasonable debates.) I guess I'm going to be that guy and copy what my friend said.. "Engaging, but not too much that I’m constantly tired. I like doing nothing, but doing nothing with the right person."

64: Favorite animal(s): Cats. All the cats.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I don't really actively follow any specific blog in particular! :x

66: Favorite emoticon: :smirk: (use it on discord... though if you played maplestory, it's an F3 equivalent... )

67: Favorite meme: You said that tho?

68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ-T

69: What is your star sign? Leo

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No dog, but you'd be damn right to guess I'd train them.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? Any of the fluffy pjs with a thin tank top.

72: Post a selfie or two? https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/me https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/wedding

73: Do you have platform shoes? Nah. I don't have heels either.

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? My memory is absolutely shit in most situations.  However, in certain and RANDOM AF situations it can be clear as day. If I want to learn/remember something? Forget about it. If I could not care less about something? You'll be damn straight I'll remember it.

75: Can you do a front flip? Lol, no.

76: Do you like birds? Yeah, cept the annoying high pitched ones T_T

77: Do you like to swim? I used to love to. I can't really be in the sun for long any more though.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Never been Ice Skating! Always wanted to try. I'd probably equally enjoy both.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Mosquitoes, Cancer, Violence. On the violence part... It's mostly guns. If we had swordsman style fights - It'd be more interesting.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: Cures to incurables. Cancer, Epilepsy, Autism, etc. (I'm an epilepsy survivor.)

81: Piercings you have? Had an eyebrow piercing, lost it the same month I got it to pink eye.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: Watching television. I miss reading. I have a hard time focusing on reading now.

83: Favorite person to talk to: I have 3! Erwin (@hyphenhero) - My husband~ and my friends Scott (@warpedbelief)  and Brandon.

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? What the fuck is this and why do people use it? inb4 I replaced wordpress with it.

85: How many followers do you have? I don't really check. My Tumblr is mostly for me... and I just restarted fresh these past few months.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Maybe if I tried. Used to be able to run one in 6.

87: Do your socks always match? Yeah.

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? HA, Never could.

89: What are your birthstones? Peridot, Sardonyx, Spinel

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Cat? Yes. Spoil me.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Tulips.

92: A store you hate? Umm.... I don't know if I avoid any stores in particular....

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1-2. My stomach gets pretty upset.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly. Definitely. I get lost in my own mind enough.

95: Do you like to wear camo? Situationally.

96: Winter or summer? Winter 100%. Hate the heat. Love the snow.

97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don't know. Like 30 seconds maybe?

98: Least favorite person? They who will not be named. It gives them too much attention.

99: Someone you look up to: I used to look up to my mom a lot. Now I'm more-so my own person, I just do what I can to do right by me and my hubby.

100: A store you love? Uhm.. Any cheap store... I don't really have a favorite. I guess amazon for saving me gas?

101: Favorite type of shoes Skechers.

102: Where do you live? California.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nah. I love ham too much.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Cubic Zirconia actually. It's so undervalued but so pretty.

105: Do you drink milk? Used to. Not really much any more.

106: Do you like bugs? Sometimes. But not in the house.

107: Do you like spiders? Sure, they get rid of the bad bugs.

108: Something you get paranoid about? Being followed. Bugs crawling on me.

109: Can you draw: Used to be able to. Not any more.

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don't know, I usually tell people anything they ask lol.

111: A question you hate being asked? Any question I had previously already answered, and they just weren't paying attention. Anything related to me/my own working/schooling.

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I can remember.

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yeah, it's really relaxing.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy, 100%

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I would like to cuddle Momma right now.. Why you gotta go and make a girl sad for survey thing? (My calico that passed away last year..)

116: Favorite cloud type: Cumulus, Cumulonimbus, and Nimbostratus. Yes I googled them for their names.

117: What color do you wish the sky was? I honestly love the colors the sky is/can be, especially at sunrise and sunset.

118: Do you have freckles? Yes, but you can only see them when I have a tan. So to anyone who hasn't seen me since I was 10, you'd never know I had them.

119: Favorite thing about a person: How they treat people. If they're kind to animals. Eyes. Definitely eyes.

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits @_@

121: Something you want to do right now: Play Zelda - BoTW on Hard - but... I'm lazy.

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean. But they look best together.

123: Sweet or sour foods? Candies or actual food? Food, sweet. Candies, sour.

124: Bright or dim lights? Dim as you can go without causing me to have seizures over tiny little things.

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? I wish. Dragons would rock my world.

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: Yahoo owning it.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: The freedom it USED to have.

128: What do you think about the least? I dunno, I think about it the least... so it won't naturally come to me.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Carpe Diem ....heheheh.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Why would I name them? Again with the attention thing.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My Epilepsy. It's shown me who really gives a fuck about me, but also it's taken a lot from me.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No, I hate my teeth.

133: Computer or TV? Computer, it offers more.

134: Do you like roller coasters? Never been on one, definitely want to try.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Sometimes motion sickness, never got seasick tho.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attatched.

137: Do you believe in karma? I like to believe in Karma, but I really feel like people don't get their just desserts :(

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Crys, Crysti, Cryssi, Crysii, Ludacryst, Toxie, Punky, there's probably more but effort.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I am unsure.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes. More than one therapist.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Yes.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving.

144: What makes you angry? Lots of little things. Dumb things. Mostly the way medical/doctors are here... Our president... a lot of things really.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? I can barely manage English, you want me to learn more?!

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I kinda answered this earlier.

147: Are you androgynous? No.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My eye color.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: I'm more willing to let people go if they make my life worse. I used to be terrible at that.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. My Mom, Scooter, Matt Mercer.. (shh)

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? ANY ERA WITH KNIGHTS AND KINGDOMS AND WEEEEEEE............ (I like a lot of oldie based shows.)

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Eh.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] MapleStory. Not even remotely kidding.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Yes. I'm a very touchy person if I trust the person. I prefer hugs on most though. Forehead is pretty sentimental to me.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Sometimes, yeah.

156: What embarrasses you? My teeth, my weight, a lot of things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: People. Crowds. Planes. Heights. New Doctors.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: If it's the biggest lie I've ever told, do you think I'm going to out myself on social media?

159: How many people are you following? Fuck if I know... I'm too lazy to check.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

163: Last time you cried and why: It's been over a lot of things. My health, my families health, my cat, hurting myself, etc.

164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium?

165: Longest your hair has ever been: Just below my shoulders.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? Neutral mostly, because you can't prove or disprove a god exists. Just because you haven't seen something does that mean it's not there? Also, just because you believe in something, does it mean that it exists really? I'm agnostic. Though Wicca seems like a more reasonable religion in most aspects (I've dabbled in research, I hope that doesn't offend anyone.)

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. I just care if it's gonna blow up before I die.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Like? Not usually, it just helps me feel a little better sometimes.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Nope.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? As much as I could.

[goldenscript]

for the requests, i really like the idea of a fluffy freelance web designer idea - title would be something like "the cryptography of your heart" (oh god that was greasy nvm) with namjoon?

pairing: kim namjoon | readergenre: slice of life au / tooth-rotting fluffy fluff, youtuber x freelance web designer word count: 1,529 author’s note: the title isn’t stupid at all!!!! i think it’s lovely

How to tell someone I like them, the Google browser reads.

Cluttered around the stark white screen are the search results consisting of endless results for tutorials, articles, and even Pinterest boards about how to go about the perfect confession. While some are witty, tempting even, there are others that actually elicit an abrupt strangled sound from the researcher.

“What do I do?”

“Just tell her,” Jimin tells him dumbfoundedly. The younger man’s expression matches his tone, looking at Namjoon as if this was simply ordering a caramel macchiato from the coffee shop down the street. As if casually telling his client that he likes them and wants to date them and hold their hand and kiss their cheek and take them to his favorite bookstores and listen to their music recommendations and their childhood stories and—! (Well, you get the picture.) But from Jimin’s tone, it is as though telling Y/N is easy. As if it weren’t enough that you were severely out of his league as it is.

In response, he simply frowns.

“What?”

“It’s not that simple…” Namjoon sighs, already knowing what the conversation that will ensue engails afterwards. He decides he would rather nip it in the bud now than listen to the incredulous accusations later. “And before you ask me how it isn’t that simple, then you gotta understand that I’ve never told anyone that I liked them before.”

Jimin blinks, tilting his head to the side. It is the first he has heard of this sort of thing from Namjoon, but then again relationship talk just hasn’t been the hot topic between the two of them. Jimin knows that Namjoon isn’t keen on leaving his apartment unless it’s for coffee and his job, sometimes if he’s forced out by him or Jungkook (on the days that Jungkook isn’t tempted to sit in and tinker with film editing software, of course). It’s strange to consider though.

When Jimin really thinks about Kim Namjoon and his dating life, it hits him how nonexistent it is. He realizes the great deal of lacking that he never once considered, and a sympathetic look glosses over his cherub-like features before contorting in confusion.

“What do you mean you’ve never confessed to anyone before?”

It’s the dreaded question. One that Namjoon feels the anxiety prickle on his nerves as he glances back at the screen, taking mental notes of the successes and failures that have come with confessing to a crush. That is why. He has heard the horror stories, watched them unfold in adolescence, and dreaded suffering from the same fate.

He is no brave man, you know. Laying his heart out on the line is a hefty deed that makes his stomach queasy and his heart the exact replica of mush. Instead of going into any elaborate detail, not that there is a huge amount to talk about in the first place, he simply shakes his head.

“I just haven’t.”

“…Like not even once though?” Jimin tries once more, wanting to comprehend this statement. Surely, Namjoon had done this at least once.

“Really, I haven’t,” he repeats, looking a little more distraught. He is so new to the idea of romantic love that it’s actually kind of debilitating. And he knows he likes you a whole fuckton. When he thinks about going over to a café to work on your website with you, he can’t help but feel butterflies flutter in his stomach. When he hears about your day, he wants to keep hearing you talk. And god, when you ask him about his and about what he likes and dislikes, it’s… different. In the best way possible. “It never occurred to me that I should. At least until now.”

“You really like Y/N that much?” Jimin muses, eyes flickering to Namjoon’s second screen where your website is pulled up.

Namjoon nods, “A fuckton.”

“She’s supposed to double-check your code before it goes up right?”

Namjoon nods slowly, trying to comprehend. Of course, he’s quick to answer, “I mean she has another comp-sci friend to check it for her though.”

“But she’d still look it over too, right?”

“Yeah, she can be pretty anal about that stuff.”

Jimin giggles, earning a glare from Namjoon as he asks, “So, what are you getting at, pervert?”

“I’m not a pervert!” Jimin pouts, though Namjoon can tell he’s still trying to stop his quivering lip. “But why don’t you just confess to her in the code?”

Namjoon’s jaw drops, “You’re shitting me right? That’s so cheesy…”

“Well, do you have anything better? Can you go up to her and actually her to her face that you like her?”

“Well… no.”

“Then? What else do you have to lose?”

Namjoon considers Jimin’s words as carefully as problem sets from Professor Lim, knowing that despite all his certainties, some attempts are still a hit-or-miss. He knows that whatever happens, happens. He either takes that leap of faith or stays by the ledge, wondering what-if.

His gaze flickers up to the second monitor right then.

He sees your smile etched in between the little symbols, the memories of conversations spent just deciding on a color theme, and a hope that maybe you saw something in him through all that time too.

And with that, he comes to a decision.

“Might as well just leap. It might hurt less.”

/

“Check your code.”

You blink at Yoongi, almost alarmed at the sudden drawl of his voice. As soon as you got the green light from Namjoon, you had Yoongi come over to look it over for one more final look and you’re not sure how to feel about the blond’s curving lips. “What? Why?”

His brief amusement melts away as soon as he clicks his tongue at you.

“It’s a rule of thumb to always check your code, dipshit.”

“You say this like I was the one who created it. I hired someone to do it, y’know. And, I’m having you check it. For free. Like the good friend that you are.”

He rolls his eyes, “Yeah, well, still. Check it.”

“Is there something I should know about?” you ask, wondering if somehow Namjoon made a mistake. Is that why he made you pay less than the estimated amount? You frown at the thought, wondering if maybe he was having an off day the last time you both finalized the code. Though if you’re being quite honest you do know you’re going to miss meeting up with him.

“Er… well, I’ll let you be the judge of that—it’s definitely something you needa check out though.”

You even receive a shake of the head, a deflection that doesn’t go unnoticed, earning your long-time friend a small glare before you change tabs from YouTube to your website’s url. It piques your interest knowing that maybe this might be another reason to see that adorable chestnut-haired man again.

“Alright, fine.”

You scroll to the lines where Yoongi instructs you in the Python program.

‘’’

Hi Y/N. I’m sure you won’t overlook this message, and I’ll understand completely if you decide to delete out or if you never talk to me again, but that last day we spent together I wanted to tell you a lot of things. I wanted to know more about you. Not just from your videos, but from you. The real behind-the-scenes. I think about it a lot. I think about you a lot. Um… God. This is my first time so have a little mercy, okay? I like you. A lot.I’d like to take you out for an espresso. Wait. You hate those. What about brunch at  flâneur? I hear it’s great. I honestly don’t how this works, really, so if this goes completely wrong, please put all blame on Park Jimin, a dance major at Seoul University. Anyway…. um, good luck! (God, please tell me if I just fucked up my first confession, ever, because I could take all the pointers I can get.)

‘’’

A smile curves on your lips when you look at Yoongi, who only snickers at you.

“I told you so, dipshit.”

/

A ding emits from his nightstand.

Namjoon has to hold his breath, wondering if maybe it was another message from Jimin asking if you talked him about what he left for you in the code. He admits it was pretty lame and stupid, but was there really another way? Could he really face you without being tongue-tied and pink in the cheeks? His visages contort in embarrassment at the thought, releasing a deep sigh before unlocking the phone without a second thought.

[11:34 AM] y/n interesting final touches on the code. I have to say I accept. I think flâneur is perfect. how does today at 2 sound?

[11:34 AM] y/n btw, no pointers or pointed fingers needed. it was pretty perfect already

He grins to himself, unable to contain his cries of joy or the flopping of his limbs. The sun is bright and the day is so fucking beautiful.

He tells you that it’s perfect and that he can’t wait.

The leap isn’t so bad after all.

[hisfearlesshaz]

Have a good holiday!! Hope everything will be okay. I'm the stressed sister, it's so exhausting. I feel you.🥲 25 days later you're free-ish. 7 days after you, I am too.

I just checked you can buy a tiny house (12k euros~120k turkish liras so yeah :(( ) They have to pay for your uni I think, because they made you and you have needs, this uni might be best for you.

Maybe I should reveal myself so you can write me anytime if you want or need someone to talk to. (I warn you, I'm the shyest and most quiet person like if I wasn't anon in here, I couldn't never and ever write you. This won't be easy for me but at some point i wanna do it.😆)

Sleep is the fast-acting solution to everythingggg. I'll do that after dinner. (without the bench under the sun part ahahahah.)

👋👋👋

Aw thank you! Free but not entirely because I'll be home for a lot of lessons (thanks again covid) sooooo we'll see how it goes. Also holy shit???? I didn't know the exchange rate was so high??? Ok maybe it's because I know nothing about Turkey hahahaha ooops? Tell me something about it! (possibly nice things 😂)

And yep they kinda have to but you know, mom could've just said "we can't afford it" and I would've changed my choice. I really hope to do well, it's the only one I found that has exactly the courses I have interest on and no boring bs that could make me lose focus and desire to continue the studies. It has always been easy for me in school because I just need to listen to the teacher to remember, and if I don't remember I get the right answers by logic but you can't do that in uni when you study languages, can you? You gotta study. I hope I won't just waste a ton of money and then quit, ugh.

You should only if you want to!! I'm quite shy and awkward too tbh, but I mean idk?? It's nice to talk to nice people. I have a question though: do I follow you? I mean I'm not very active these days so I've lost track of who is who and who changed url and stuff but still I'd love to know.

Aaaaand in the end I didn't sleep! I just went for a walk and then watched shameless US and then went to work. Also a friend of mine had a bit of a shitty day and I'm feeling :/ because the situation here is stressful already and this won't help at all. Like, he was angry and just went away alone and didn't answer to his mom's calls. At least he answered me so I wasn't too worried but still. UGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want people I care about to be happy or at least not so stressed and oppressed and sad and stuff. Is it too much to ask? Or at least I'd like to be able to do something about it! But what can I do? Nothing. Also I'm fucking leaving on Monday so I won't see him again for ages or maybe never again and fuuuuccccckkjjjjjjjjkshhahshahagz

I'm sorry hahahaha I started writing calmly but the environment I'm living in is so stressful it's hard not to think about it. Parents and uni and death and life and covid and everything else suck! Also I can't understand if I have a crush on a guy of if I just care about him because his life is somehow similar to mine and I understand him?? Anyway he came out to me, like, three days after we met? (with one of the most heartbreaking phrases he could find wtf dude I was NOT ready, after a month i still think about it) so it doesn't really matter if I *do* have a crush or not and on top of everything else I think I might be asexual but guess what? "naaaaah it's just that you haven't tried/found the right person" it's all I get in response when I talk about it. Lmao. Idk how I arrived at this discourse and it's almost 1am so time to go to bed! Or for a walk. I haven't decided yet.

Love you! Sorry for talking so much and also always feel free to talk to me both anonymously and via messages if and when you're ready :) 💕

[arconn]

I remember how much I used to do these in high school/my early 20s, I wish I could do an old one and compare responses. Here's one for today, 06/21/21

1) Sexuality? Pansexual, meaning I don't have a preference of what you're working with and I don't exclude those who identify as nonbinary/agender.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Russel Crowe

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. with a stock of white, forearms tattooed in black Borean ink- the black dragon that marks him as an outsider. - Witches of America by Alex Mar

4) What do you think about most? That people want to be good and be happy but also very much have the opportunity to cause the opposite

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? Hope you have today off...

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Usually with but it depends on what time of year it is

7) What’s your strangest talent? Being able to guess poeple's zodiac signs pretty accurately.

8) Girls…. (finish the sentence); Boys…. (finish the sentence) should be treated the same

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Yes

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? I don't even remember honestly.

11) Do you have any strange phobias? Preying mantasis, they absolutely terrify me and are bore deep into my psyche

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes

13) What’s your religion? I identify as an omniest, meaning I find truth and beauty in all religions and also as a pagan witch- a woman who loves and respects the earth, her elements and the way it effects us. I read tarot and look for divine guidance primarily from a central collective consciousness/energy and divinity that is in us all.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Hooping, going on a walk

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Like a whole band with instruments and multiple musicians? Either Born of Osiris of August Burns Red

17) What was the last lie you told? That I was okay when I wasn't

18) Do you believe in karma? Absofreakinglutely

19) What does your URL mean? That I'm one tough bitch ;)

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My quickness to trust someone and be vulnerable and shutting myself off or down when I realize I shouldn't have. And loving other people and things, when I'm at my best I aspire to emulate loving goddess energy and make others feel safe and seen.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I honestly am not a big fan of most celebrities

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Honestly, no.

23) How do you vent your anger? Usually to a friend or through hooping

24) Do you have a collection of anything? Crystals, metaphysical books, tarot decks.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Through messenger

26) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? Yes, though there is a lot I am still working hard on.

27) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? The sound of people chewing or brushing their teeth and I love the sound of deep low frequency bass and my bunny Winston "purring"

28) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if a certain relationship worked out and I hadn't left and we stayed together

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I believe in the possibility of everything but also that anything can be debunked. I say yes to both.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Left- my phone, right-a bag of cashews :)

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? A candle burning nearby.

32) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Probably the part of Bahrain we got dumped in while waiting for our ship. Of course, at the time I had never been to or lived in Philly or Baltimore, but it was a lot and was absolutely not safe.

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? East coast, but I haven't been to the west coast yet.

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Anderson Paak *heart eyes* thats my BAYBEEEEE

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? See #13

36) Define Art. Expression

37) Do you believe in luck? I believe in divine blessing

38) What’s the weather like right now? Absolutely beautiful and 70 something outside

39) What time is it? 2:51

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, though I don't have a car right now. And no I haven't, only been rear ended once.

41) What was the last book you read? Been reading Witches of America by Alex Mar lately as well as some study astrology material.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline? Love it.

43) Do you have any nicknames? Mana

44) What was the last movie you saw? The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It... it was absolutely amazing

45) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Dislocating my knee, it went all the way to the backside of my leg!!

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Oh yes

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Learning my job and getting better at it, smoking weed, getting these next couple milestones together that are coming up.

48) What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual, see #1 for an explanation

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Oh yes

50) Do you believe in magic? Definitely

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nah, I wish I could sometimes, but I'm actually pretty bad at it, to my own demise.

52) What is your astrological sign? Aquarius sun, Scorpio moon, Capricorn rising

53) Do you save money or spend it? Spend it. UGH.

54) What’s the last thing you purchased? A smoothie

55) Love or lust? Love

56) In a relationship? Not currently, no.

57) How many relationships have you had? I don't even know anymore... that would be a lot to count out.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Yes

59) Where were you yesterday? Work and then home and in my bed sleeping for almost 13 hours.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yes, a hula hoop

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Nope

62) What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits and octopus

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Look at them very intently with my eyes and show genuine care/focus on them

64) Where is your best friend? I don't really have a best friend right now, my closest is in Maryland right now, but I haven't seen her in over a year.

65) Spit or swallow?(; Always swallow

66) What is your heritage? Irish/Scottish

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? DEAD ASLEEP

68) What do you think is Satan’s last name? Gon'getcha

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? What kinda question is this? Duh. Society is so weird about sexuality it's kind of gross. *shudders*

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yeah!

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Yell for help, save the dog. Take pictures once the rescue is a success and try and explain it to my boss, if they let me go, they let me go.

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I tell everyone I care about, yes. I would spend the rest of my time with my family and saying goodbye to certain friends. I'd try to fit in as much live music as humanly possible as well and maybe take a few days trip abroad, probably somewhere where I could be on the beach.

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Love, because if it's true, you get both

74) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Touch by Hybrid Minds

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 1***

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, over communication, taking time for the cute and little things

77) How can I win your heart? ^

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Absolutely

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Letting things go in order to gain

80) What size shoes do you wear? 8 1/2 or 9

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY! C'MON! -WILL FERREL

82) What is your favorite word? Fuck

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Swell

84) What is a saying you say a lot? "The road to suffering is paved with expectations" -The Buddha

85) What’s the last song you listened to? Loan Shark by Commodo

86) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors? Lavendar, royal blue, deep purple, light magenta, neon red, burnt orange

87) What is your current desktop picture? $uicideboy$

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Oh boy, I don't think I'd want that to happen to anyone because they could be with other people like their family and shit. That would be so horrible.

89) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Haven't found one yet.

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Slowly look around and see if I can find a weapon, then quickly get to it and make a quick exit, defending myself from the mummies if need be.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? It's a tie between teleporation and being able to heal others/myself.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? My wedding day.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Early memories in the barracks at Fort Meade

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Al Ross or $crim

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? India

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? Not that I know of

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Yup, but it was into a bag every time

98) Ever been on a plane? Many times

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? EVERYBODY LOVE EVERYBODY, c'MON!