#but yeah ultimately emailing won't do anything

[bandzboy]

Unfortunately that statement from the skz chart data account means nothing because they're still going to promote and stream this song. The only thing they'll do is send emails to jype which we know does absolutely nothing

no honestly yeah that's what i thought tbh which is a bit upsetting! when txt had that zionist producer in the song no moa big accs talked about it so that's why it got me shocked that they even addressed it lol

[kyrathor]

Sorry, I guess I just wanted to vent a little. To the void, probably (can't imagine anyone will read this. That's okay though).

Last month I had my consultation for bottom surgery after over a year of waiting. It went well, and they told me to start hair removal.

Since then, I've had to wade through phone call after phone call, online messaging through a website (the phone system for that was so bad I just did the messaging instead), and ultimately culminating in a department I had to email (yeah, I was specifically told they only have email, and not a phone number I can call), all to find out how my insurance will cover this.

The two things I need are a letter from the surgeon who told me to do hair removal (nothing he gave me qualifies as the letter I need, unfortunately) and I need to go to one of a very short list of hair removal places, the closest one being 2 hours by car.

I absolutely could go to a closer location and do it without insurance covering it, there is a trans friendly location the next town over, convenient. However, the price is nothing to scoff at, especially if I want to get anything more than just what I need for pre-surgery (other hair removal, such as facial and body).

The good news is insurance will cover the other hair removal too, but I have to get a letter from my doctor, or possibly two? The wording is weird, and I don't know if I need a second person involved, 2 letters from her, or just one letter because she covers both categories required for the letters.

In both these cases I contacted the surgeon and my doctor through the patient portal messaging, and it's been nearly a month now, with the only response from the surgeon being the clinic staff telling me they've passed the message on to the surgeon and that I'd get the letter when it's ready.

I have a video appointment I managed to get with my doctor, in a bit over a week, so hopefully I'll be able to make sure it gets done. But even if and when she does do it, that's not the letter that can let me slowly work towards surgery.

I don't expect me to be the only person who needs something from this surgeon. The fact it took me over a year just to get a consultation proves as much. But... a letter like this can't take that long, right? Every moment, every hour, every day that I spend waiting for this letter from him is time I can't do ANYTHING.

It's funny how long term bottled dysphoria, or even just... Something I'd learned to live with for a time, can just all come rushing back once the hope I can get my surgery is introduced. I know it's going to take a while, 1 year minimum, 2.5 years a tentative (ballpark) maximum. I can wait that, because it will be progress. The sooner I get hair removal done, the sooner that A: I'm free of the hair and B: the sooner I can get my surgery. I'll still have to wait after that, especially due to wanting a specific version of the surgery, but it will be progress. I won't be waiting to move forward with something I can do, due to a letter.

Maybe at one level, it's all just waiting. But tell that to my depressed and dysphoric self. I'm so close, yet so far away.

This isn't a cry for help or for money or anything. While spending money could sidestep the insurance issue... Insurance WILL cover it given time, and the letters. There are a number of people out there who can use money more than me. Transgender people needing money to get out of a bad environment, to survive till a paycheck. Palestinians, Sudanese, and probably others I don't know of right now. Please spend money on them instead.

I'm... While very much not fine... Fine.

Even if no one reads this, my thoughts and pain are out there now. Thank you for reading, if anyone does.

[xerospaced]

So it's taken me a ridiculous amount of time to attempt this course that should have been completed in 12 weeks. And I've only just finally submitted the assessment of my second unit (2 of 4). I did actually submit it initially on schedule but I was asked to add some info. And then after doing that was asked to add yet more info to another question! Ma'am!!

Anyway. This is not really anything to be proud of (to most anyway) but I am proud. I have attempted to get back to work on this course for a HOT minute. And each time I have sat down or tried to sit down to work on it I have ultimately failed and done, nothing.

Today, I actually REMEMBERED that my tutor had given today as a deadline to add this additional info as it was only a small amount required. Thankfully I remembered coz I had no reminders set, nor did I note it anywhere.

But, after having less than three hours sleep due to my period crippling me late into the night and a contractor turning up first thing to work on my en suite (which he didnt finish til about 1), and then - when I was finally thinking about decompressing in my space alone for a grip before approaching this task - I had to take my ma to the doctor on a last minute urgent thing.

I handled both disruptions incredibly well. Brought my ma home and went out to cop me some energy drinks and a couple snacks coz I'm still trying this maintaining glucose levels thing and I knew I needed to work.

I very almost started gaming when I got back in coz I cant stand going from external thing to focused thing without a transitional period. But I knew I was running the risk of getting sucked in.

Instead, I kept in my ear buds, danced around, started on my energy drink (and a cheeky glass of moscato) sat down to work - laptop tried to beef me so I got myself prepared for the task I had to approach while it sorted itself out. Got distracted by a linkedin email and found myself on the app job searching. Yes, productive. No, not conducive to the matter at hand.

Hennyway, I managed to shift my focus back to the assignment. Did one part and was gonna take a one song break (coz pressure from Encanto came on shuffle and I'm not gonna work through that coz like I NEEDS to belt) but ended up pausing it while I prepared the second part. Then ended up just completing the second part and submitting and now I'm done.

And sure, all in all, it was about ten to fifteen mins of work. And yeah, it's a relatively minor thing in the grand scheme of things. But still! I did something and focused when I intended to and stopped myself getting distracted and stayed on task.

I will add that part of what helped the transition was D asking me if I'd submitted my poems for the competition yet just before I headed to the dr. [As established, deciding to work on my poetry was that THING I needed to get excited and motivated] It set me in a space where I was wanting to be productive. I sent him a few poems for his insight. He doesn't do poetry and all that so it was an odd choice but he is also not afraid to be critical and won't just tell me everything is great (also he gave v positive feedback to the poem which is like... the crux of me and the manuscript I'm gonna put together so omfg YES)

Long long long ass post coz I'm typing on my surface and not as limited as when I'm on mobile, plus typing speed lord jesus.

Anyway, I'm proud of myself. And even tho D didn't provide any overt or particularly hands-on application of accountability/responsibility, he did put my attention on a worthy task, and the best one he could've to kick me into gear.

[nfumbewalk]

Esoteric Ramblings & Family Ramblings

Parchment for a sour jar. My real blood, oleum, and sigil.

I've been trying to get together more lessons for my *new* necromancy student. 💀 I have plenty of material, in my head. It's just gotta make it to my Notepad to her email! Lol. She's 35 years old and happens to have the right planets in the needed placements to be a natural necromancer.

I just happened upon her in a Santa Muerte reading. I offered her a free course because I think she'll be powerful. My course is usually $800.00. Big time gifts, right?!? 😅 I think so, with some tuning. She's wild, but I see potential! Why is my course expensive? To eke out the flakes, the non-gifted, the ones with a "god-complex," the wanna be's...you name it! In this field, you meet them all!

She may need to sign a privacy disclosure too. The stuff I teach isn't illegal but "normies" don't like ppl poking around graveyards. I just collect dirt from my muertos grave & maybe once in awhile, take a memento from a grave, if it's old. I never litter or tip stones, never ever desecrate anything! Graveyards are like my second home!

I've sent my student a few short documents that I hope she absorbs and asks some questions. Part of it is my "Muerteria™"- Adherents of Nod...but it was shortened. She doesn't need to know about the Gatekeepers, the Holy days, the coin, or the sacrifice (not animal)! Now, when I say "Gatekeeper" it's not what you're thinking. And also, nothing to do with the Demons of my past path.

I did have a brief convo with a Demon, even wore his sigil out of respect - no offering though. He seemed to be interested, but when he learned about other occupants of my house, his interest waned. He wouldn't be the hotshot here! He doesn't like my muerto, that's what!

Because my Rodolfo stands up for me. He won't let this deceiving Demon bother me or give me false promises! Rodolfo forced the Demon to leave my house after learning that this Demon wanted me back on the destructive path that is Demonolatry. I know I'm not the only one.

Hey - maybe it ain't destructive for you, great! But others, especially sensitive espiritista's like myself - we have to careful of energies that may influence us in a negative way, break our barriers (psychic, emotional, mental mostly), and drain us. That's why I ultimately left the Demono-folks. I found myself getting jammed up with negative energy and constant psychic & mental barrier breaking. I wanted a more peaceful place & I found that with the muertos, in now what I refer to loosely as "Muerteria™". It IS a path. Not a religion. Call it spiritual if you wish. There's no doctrine or holy book/scripture.

For me, personally, I like the Odu, which is a part of African Traditional Religion. I'm NOT in any of them though - never initiated, never will be. I do like aspects of those religions, though. The actual religion that fits me the closest is Palo Mayombe. Won't pay for it & they are biased against women. As are most African paths... They are getting better-ish, slightly. Yeah, they say: "Women! Are the mothers!" Umm..what else? Oh yeah, "Women! Comforters!" Rofl! 😂

Well, I'm no feminist, but inequality blows, especially in a religion. One thing I did not experience was racism! Amazing. One of my teachers was Cuban. Another was Puerto Rican. My Ifá Baba was Black. None of them had trouble teaching this cracker!

Family Ramblings

All of these "closed traditions?" Stick a sage bundle in it! I do NOT burn that shit! And I'm part Native. I'm also part African?!? Genetics are fascinating. It's not much African, but my old Palo teacher said it didn't matter, any counts!! Lol!! No shit, he said that. 😅 I'm mostly Germanic, Norwe & French Canadian.

My great grandfather, Norwegian, Tonyus Barstad, somehow got my grandfather, Arthur Wilson Barstad, to Oregon...where he enlisted into the Army during WWII, becoming a Tech IV Sergeant - "in the rear with the gear" he was! Met my grandma, who worked at a cinema - embroiled with Hitler's propaganda... Her sister's refused my grandpa. "No! You take him!" My grandma said "fuck it!" And in 1946-47 left Germany to marry my grandpa Arthur and GTFO Germany! My mom was born in Portland, Ore. in September 1948.

Grandpa Arthur was the cheapest man alive. My mom told horror stories about being cold all the time and how her parakeets didn't like it. Grandpa was just a drunk. He was drunk at work too - a government job, no doubt. And he stank to high heaven, never bathing. Grandma was drunk too, so I doubt she noticed. My grandpa did do one useful thing for me, many years after his death. I'm a member of The Order of the Eastern Star, which is basically female Freemasons, though men can join too.

The OES is all about charity work & fundraising for different causes. Yes, there is a secret handshake! 😊 And an initiation - a FREE one! Lolz! There is actually a Sentinel who sits outside the ritual room, guarding it. My husband sat & chatted with him. The offered to make him a Freemason.

Ah, just a little trip down memory lane. I really miss my parents. I have so MANY unanswered questions.

Done here!

Memento Mori! 💖💀💖

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Do we get any unexpected visitors?

...

...

...

*Nagi went to her office as she began to write an email*

'-ow Peko Pekoyama has settle down after attacking Mahiru Koizumi and Fuyuhiko Kuzuruyu has declare the Kuzuruyu Clan has been disbanded. Peko Pekoyama will be approached in the morning of her status.'

And send, yeah... hopefully we won't have incidents like those again.

MASUYO: Miss Nanami, it's Masuyo - I brought the sword to the 5th island and Hotaru is back too.

Of course, come in you 2 - the door's open.

*the door open and Masuyo and Hotaru walked in* The sword was brought to the 5th island as requested.

And Miss. Koizumi is still shaken up but she's in bed now so things have settle down.

Do you update Future Foundation?

I did, I even ask Seiko to get medication for lowering testosterones levels as well, it should arrive around evening. Check on Mahiru and Peko in the morning and then finally check on the situation with Ibuki, Hiyoko and Mikan.

So tomorrow is gonna be a lot of work.

No kidding, we got about 6 people left to wake up from the simulation and then that's when we have to begin, right?

Yes and even getting their accounts as well, so yes - there's a lot of work to do.

That sounds like a lot of work to do, I mean geez - Yukio seems to handle these guys pretty easy, how does he do it?

Not sure either, probably it has a lot to do with his patience with others; after all, he is the Ultimate Councilor after all.

Indeed and to help them find a career that differs from their talents, which is gonna be hard to do... things are gonna be hard, aren't they?

*DING!*

Huh? I got an email this late, what's going on...?

Better read it then Miss. Nanami.

Got it, now let's see now; 'hello those on Jabberwock Island...we are here to yadda yadda yadda... due to certain concerns an inspection is going to happen on the 16th, from the Ultimate Elite Task Force...'

Wait what?! An inspection!

Wait what?! An inspection from the Ultimate Elite Task Force?!

Aren't those guys sent on missions where they have to kill someone? Wh-Why are they being sent here...?

From the email here; seems only 5 are showing up for this.

Still sending the Ultimate Elite Task Force here might be due to that Mr. Munakata guy, I heard he took control over them after Mr. Tengan had started to go senile.

and telling from this email; I think we can safely assume that this might be a false alarm.

It's only a inspection but still, this is troublesome - I have a feeling they are going to bring up what has transpire today.

They might so we better be prepare and tell everyone about this ahead of time so they don't do anything too odd.

I have a feeling that they'll still freak out regardless of how we word it, heheheee - yep, we are bone.

Hotaru, enough with that already... regardless, will need to inform them.

[inappropriate-aunt]

One thing that parents don't realize about their kids going to college is that they're not the only ones about to get an education. Heh heh heh: Time to learn the cold hard lesson of "Your child is an adult and ALL of their personal information is private so buzz off, helicopter guardian."

No, you don't get to know your child's grades. You don't even get to know what classes they're taking. If your parents call up the school we generally don't tell them shit. Even moreso- if you requested that your directory information be withheld, we won't even tell a parent if you're enrolled. FERPA, bitch.

Your personal information is protected by VERY STRONG laws and only you have the ability to authorize a parent to view/pay your bill, to share your grades with them, to let them know where you live on campus, etc. If they pay your bill and you drop out, that's your money now. We won't even tell them you dropped out. "I have no information available for the requested student. Would you like some links to our website? :)"

And yeah it's a little frustrating at times because you might just want your parents to take care of all the non-class stuff so you can focus on school work but this privacy is SO IMPORTANT. It helps students coming from abusive homes who can't get out yet. It helps students to maybe realize that some of their parents behaviors are not healthy. It's very good for students with separated or estranged parents, or who are emancipated.

I'll gladly be screamed at by angry moms and dads for not sharing your information. It's laughable. What are they gonna do to me, a university employee acting under the exact letter of the law? They can do much worse to their kid if they find out from me that they failed math or went to the school mental health clinic. Your parents can't take away MY phone and lock me in my room. Let them call me and rant and threaten to sue. No lawyer worth their salt will take the case of "This university won't tell me anything about my kid, MY kid! Even though I pay their bill!!" Lawyers will laugh at you.

So yeah, sorry it's inconvenient. Sorry it's tough for young adults to navigate all this stuff. Sorry that your parents will get mad when you don't do what you need to do because they're frustrated that they can't just do it for you. Yes, it's annoying that you have to use your school email address to contact us, but everyone knows that someone impersonating you could just make an email account in five seconds so yeah, we ain't budging. Ultimately, I'm glad these protections are in place because it seriously helps a lot of students.

Know your rights. Don't give your parents your username and password. If they make you, change it. You don't have to show your parents your grades. You don't have to give them your refund check. You don't have to tell them you went to the health center for birth control (That's HIPPA protected too- double legal protection, what UP). You can lie to protect yourself and you won't be found out. YES I am telling you that you can LIE to your PARENTS. Grandma says you can lie to them. The law protects you.

On the off chance that some foolish employee at any College or University in the US does tell your parents protected information, ohh man, contact the school's Title IX coordinator (FERPA). Report the violation. It's usually the Registrar's office or whoever handles student records. Don't let them do that to another student. We take this seriously. Schools can lose federal funding, or face fines and penalties.

Stay safe out there, you lovely folks.

[peachpitocs]

@canon-fcdder said: " i could never forget you! " Casi says in a tone that sounds far too bright, even to their own ears. Way too chipper after years apart, after the pain and confusion and fear of losing yet another person close to them. But Casi smiles nonetheless— ignoring the stone in their stomach and the one lodged in their throat —and gazes up at Riku with bright eyes and a bright smile and a bright demeanor. Because they might feel strange, but Riku surely doesn't. So no need to cause problems for him when there are none. Right? ❝ Long time no see! Or hear! Or well... anything, huh? Heheh... ❞ Casi had wanted to try calling or writing or... SOMETHING many times but- .... Anyways— ❝ Guess we've both been preeeeeeetty busy. ❞ — ( have an oblivious bby boi bby )

Oh, so now that Riku's been branded the Ultimate Bassist, Casi has time for him. Typical. Years without a text or a phone call or even an explanatory email and now he's gonna just act like they're fine without even apologizing for kicking Riku out of his stupid band like the ableist idiot he is.

Not that Riku had had his autism diagnosis at that point, but still. Their- or, now just Casi's- manager had made it perfectly clear that it was because Riku just wasn't charming enough. He could play bass better than anyone the guy knew, but he wasn't heartthrob material if he couldn't be cute and witty in an interview.

Fuck that. And fuck Casi, even if he's managed to get even cuter with time.

"Yeah. I guess so. Been pretty hard to forget you, too. You're on all the tabloids and shit."

And, fine, he's still got a special place in Riku's heart, no matter how hard he tries to deny it. Something about being his first close friend and his first crush and his first heartbreak. Lots of firsts. Lots of emotions.

"Don't expect me to be all buddy buddy just 'cause we used to know each other, though. I'm not the same guy anymore. Hell, I'm not even a musician anymore. I've devoted myself to the far superior craft of mathematics.

"And before you point it out, I know I got invited here as the ultimate bassist. But think about it. All that rhythmic shit is just applied math. So, really, they just think one of my dumb hobbies is neat. That's not who I am, it's just what Hope's Peak noticed. Once I get out of here, I'm going into trigonometry full time."

Riku's not sure that that's actually what he wants to do with his life. But at least he can use it as a shield. He's not the guy who got kicked out of Casi's band and cried in bed for weeks because bass guitar is his life. He's a mathematician, cold and calculating, with no need for a charming interview persona or a band to supplement his sick bass riffs. And if Casi can see through that... well, he won't be able to. He doesn't know Riku like he used to.

[suzie-guru]

If I may be direct with you, I think the reason because you don't recieve any feedback is because you don't post. I've loved BtsAts but I've followed you here because I knew it'd be the only way I'd hear about it. AO3 doesn't give you notifications, and people start to forget the fanfiction exist and won't check for new uploads, precisely because there hasn't been a new chapter in a year. Unfortunately you can't rely on fans for the worth of your work because time passes, and people forget (1/?)

(2/?) not because they aren't interested, or because they don't like the fic, but because AO3 is not a good platform to keep viewers up to date with things. Besides, people are lazy, and 9 times outta 10 will only click the kudos botton because it's easier, rather than login and comment or put your email in the comment box, but that is an issue on all sites. We're not going to bring back your passion, we can't, we're not you. Only you can, by forcing yourself to write again, a little bit

(3/3) everyday, even if it isn't good, it doesn't matter. And don't get me wrong: I love your works, I've kudoed and commented, but if I ever get off of Tumblr, I won't ever know how BtSatS ends because I have no idea when you're upploading. I love your writing, I just wish you could get back to it, both for you if you really want to, and definitely for me and my rampant curiosity to see Marianne and Bog's revenge.

Hey, @satansemployee, I noticed that though you wrote the first two messages under Anonymous, your last one was under your true user name. I figured you had decided to let me know who you were, and I applaud your courage to put a face to your words. Not many people do that on this site! 

Now, to directly address your messages...

You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know and have told myself thousands upon thousands of times. 

I know that this is my doing because I let my depression get the better of me. Instead of fighting it, I let it low-key (often high key) destroy me, my health, and my passions for three years. I wish I had fought it, but I didn’t have the tools I needed to do so. 

Some people have come back from their depressive periods to new creativity swinging and spreading - I wish I was one of those people. However, I’m still struggling because I never learned the tools with how to reclaim my creativity in a productive way. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about seeing a therapist who specializes in creative folks and depression for help in this matter, because there are days I’m not sure I’ll ever write again. That scares me to death. 

And when I get scared, I freeze up, physically and mentally. 

And freezing up stops me from writing, which stops me from posting. And the one time I did post, no one gave a fuck. That did a number on me. 

Now, to quote you, “We're not going to bring back your passion, we can't, we're not you.” 

You’re correct that it is ultimately up to me to do the physical act of sitting down, banging out some writing, and posting it. 

The thing is, sharing thoughts and feelings actually can bring back passion, or at least help it come back. It’s happened before after I had bad periods only to come back creatively after someone shared their thoughts about my work, so I know it can. 

The three years of depressive hell I went through did a whammy on me, but after lots of struggling, I got Chapter Ten of BtSatS out and I was proud of myself. And then I was confronted that no one cared because, as you mentioned, after all kinds of time passes people forget and move on. The logical part of me recognizes that this happens. 

Still didn’t make the reality of it any less disheartening for me. 

So yeah, readers aren’t responsible for bringing back a writer’s passion. But hearing their thoughts and knowing they’re still interested definitely can help bring it back.

I guess I’m a writer who’s addicted to just that, and since that hasn’t been happening, I can’t rouse myself out of this stagnation. If I seek out therapy and find tools to use to get myself out of this funk without feedback, I’ll let you know. 

Until then, I think it’s best for me to sign off for a spell. 

[back-and-totheleft]

Bush Gets Stoned

The freakiest movie of the year Oliver Stone's W., no doubt. The director took a break from a grinding schedule—the movie is due in theaters October 17—to chat about scaring the hell out of actors, why controversy sells, and what's so funny about our Disaster in Chief.

GQ: You and George W. Bush were at Yale at the same time. He comes from old money, you come from new money. He avoids Vietnam. You volunteer to go. At every turn this is a man who—

Oliver Stone: —came out better than me! [laughs]

Well, we'll see in the end. But there was a moment when you were both on parallel tracks and you made diametrically opposite choices.

I think that was always the attraction. I always thought of Nixon as like my father. Nixon was like a father to my generation, but it was the behavior of the man that reminded me of _my _father. Bush is my generation. It's the behavior of me, the culture of me. How I might have behaved if I had been in his position. And I was very, very close. I can see the impatience. I suffer with it myself. I see the anger. I have that, too. I see wanting things to get done and not wanting to pay too much attention to the details. That's absolutely in me. Of course, there's also entitlement. I never had that. And Vietnam drove out whatever arrogance I carried.

How hard was raising the $30 million budget?

It ended up at 25.1. And we were turned down by everybody for money, including your Aunt Gertrude. It was humiliating. I make no bones about it. I think this is a great subject. I don't think I have a bad track record. I needed a star, though, and Josh Brolin was not a star. Originally I went for Christian Bale. We did some rigorous prosthetic tests and spent a lot of dough—thousands and thousands of dollars—and then Christian said, "I just don't feel like I can do it." I met Josh and liked him. He was more rural Americana. But man, he was scared shitless.

He wasn't the only one.

That's true. A lot of actors turned us down. I won't lie. A lot of it was about money. We ultimately got good actors willing to work for no amount of money. We gave them points on the back end. Josh and I set the example. We took nothing. I actually took below the Directors Guild minimum.

What the hell happened with the script leak last fall?

[sighs]

I mean, I got a copy of that script, Oliver. It took one email.

That wasn't a media strategy. That was an outrageous leak by a company called Participant. One of their assistants was trying to make a few bucks, and he sold it, and then it was everywhere. There were articles everywhere destroying it, historians trashing what we'd done. We didn't want that. All because of an assistant. Christ.

Doesn't that kind of thing just come along with the words "Oliver Stone, Bush Movie"?

"An Oliver Stone movie" has been a cross to bear for years. I don't know why, because my form always fits the function of every movie. Alexander is as different as World Trade Center as this is from those two. This is a different man; he's not as dark or deep as someone like Nixon. The style is a time trip through three different eras, to give you a sense of young, middle, and old. It's light.

Wait, are you saying this movie is a comedy?

Well, it has to be done with an ebullience and a certain fun, because the guy is goofy. He's a goofball! And I think he endeared himself to people because he couldn't get anything right. Kubrick was an idol of mine. I grew up on Strangelove and movies like Network, and they made a big impact on me. So yeah, W. is a satire.

What was it like shooting in Shreveport, in the middle of one of the reddest of red states?

I enjoyed it. But Shreveport at night No fun. They all got arrested the last night there, you know.

Yeah, I was getting to that. How the hell do you end up with Brolin and Wright in jail?

Oh, we were all having champagne on the set to say goodbye—it was nine thirty at night—and then we all went off to get loaded. The cops came to this bar. They arrested Jeffrey because the bartender had a hair up his ass about this uppity black man from the North. And contrary to reports, he was not drunk. I was there. He was arrested because he had words with the cops. As for Brolin It was the first night he had had a couple of drinks the whole time we were shooting. He had been sober for five months for the role, so he let loose a little bit and they got him, too.

How do you market this movie? I know that's not your problem, but it's gotta be a concern.

It doesn't seem to be a problem! You're here! [laughs] It's taking care of itself.

The controversy doesn't hurt either.

I don't need controversy. If anything, I've had too much. It simplifies me. It trivializes me, frankly. Do you like Oliver Stone Do you hate Oliver Stone Worst movie ever. Best movie ever. It's all opinion. At the end of the day, you know every movie I made, I made for my reasons, and I never compromised, ever. [pause] Except maybe on Alexander.

It seems to me that between this and World Trade Center, you seem to be grappling with the idea of 9/11 as a historical aberration that allowed domestic horror to happen.

That's exactly right. That's it—9/11 is the flame. When 9/11 happened, I knew it was an overreaction. I knew it. We went fucking nuts.

Are you guys going to finish in time?

Honestly, I don't know. We're going to try like hell. I have to finish and lock by September 17, and we just wrapped. So it's a real push. If we miss it, it's not the end of the world We'd miss the election, but he'd still be in office. But honestly, I feel like I did on Alexander. I got rushed. Warner Bros. had Troy ready to strike in May, and they thought we'll just follow up with Alexander in November. And I had to make that date for marketing reasons. And if I was smart, I would have just given them what they wanted, because they wanted a sexless Alexander with not much violence. They wanted Troy II. If I had the guts, I would have done the Sergio Leone three hour cut for Europe and butchered it for Warner Bros. And I would have taken out the homosexuality, which is what Warners really objected to.

Yeah. I heard that you guys aren't exactly on good terms about that.

Did I ever tell you the story of the ten page commentary I got with about ten days to deliver from the editor It was all these suggestions. It was unbelievable. It's a classic. One day when I finally donate my papers, the world will see it. But I should have done what they wanted. It would have been a smarter move. It really would. That would have been the Peckinpah move, but I didn't have that foresight. There are heroes out there, the Terry Gilliams of the world, who take on the studio system. But it's hard to do. Warners has banned me, you know.

You're not serious. Is that explicit?

Oh yes. They have told my people that they don't want to work with me again. I should have just said, "Okay, guys, go for it. Just make your cut." And it would have been a much shorter, truncated film, and who knows, it might have made more than $32 million. It might have made fifty two. Eighty two. Who knows You don't have any idea how big an issue the homosexuality was. Especially when it comes to a military movie.

Is the My Lai massacre movie you were making before W. dead?

Pinkville. It can probably only come back if UA would give us the movie without paying them the money they've already spent. We started to make the movie. I mean, we built a whole village in Thailand! We have tons of stuff sitting in crates! There's $6 million against the movie. And I don't have that kind of money. They didn't even pay all the bills. They stuck us with a bunch of them.

Is your sense that they got cold feet on the project and used the writers' strike as the excuse?

Yes, of course that's what happened. First they kept cutting our budget. We had our locations, we had our actors, we had everything picked out, and it was a very reasonable plan. Then Bruce Willis walked, and they were thrilled, because that gave them the final excuse to call it, even though we got Nicholas Cage. That was three weeks before shooting and right before Christmas. Let me remind you, that's 120 Americans and 500 Thais put out of work right before Christmas. It was a cruel, heartless decision, and it was probably made because [UA's] Lions for Lambs was perceived as a mess, a failure, and we were linked to these Iraq movies that weren't working. The irony, of course, is that Pinkville is only about Iraq in a Holy Ghost–type way. It's about the roots of Iraq, without being too close to it. It's not a war movie. It's JFK meets Platoon. It was about an investigation into the past and how the nature or man covers up evil. And I have UA going on and on about "Do the bad guys have to be Americans?"

In a movie about the My Lai massacre?

I mean, GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK! American soldiers, I mean, American soldiers are sacred Come on! I'm saying this as a veteran. I've been to war. There are a lot of bad guys in the army.

What do you think about what's happening at the box office right now?

It's all about the muscularization of film. Comics changed everything. It's movies on steroids. I mean, look at Transformers. That made a fortune, but it's incomprehensible! Maybe I'm too old for it.

Oliver, I grew up on Transformers. It's not just incomprehensible, it's incoherent.

Oh, okay! It's not just me! [laughs] And I'm sure this sequel will be huge, and it will be a franchise. So where do I fit? Thank God for people like the Coen brothers. Those movies get made occasionally, but they're still hard to get made. No Country was turned down [domestically] by Paramount Vantage. They didn't want it! I heard this story a long time ago, that John Lesher [president of Paramount Film Group] wanted to get rid of it. And that's a good movie. Why would you want to get rid of it Now think about W. The first reaction across the board was, "Who cares about this guy? Everybody hates him, and he's finished anyway. What's the relevance of this project?" And my answer is that it's one of the most fascinating stories of recent times. Whatever you think of him, he's a great story, and secondly his impact is enormous, because his policies are not over in '08. It's going to go on and on.

Oh no. The damage this guy has done is generational in its scope.

Well, call it consequences. The consequences of his actions are enormous. We're never going to go back to 2000. That's a different country. We're into another thing, and we have to deal with where we are now.

-Dan Fierman, "Bush Gets Stoned," GQ, Aug 31 2008 [x]

[lupienne]

Your mom probably feels the exact same way. Just on the opposite side. You both need empathy and respect for each other. But it sounds like she won't be the bigger person here. I hope these rich strangers don't divide your family.

Yeah, we do. We've always butted heads but we ultimately get along. In arguments, I get too angry and emotional and she doesn't listen to me or acts like I'm clueless. And lately it's impossible to tell her anything because all she believes is fox news or right wing shit on the internet. I've always been a skeptical and questioning of traditions and norms kind of person, so it's hard for me to understand the headspace of an unchanging conservative.

Anyway I'm rambling again but I'm thinking of writing an email to her explaining how I feel because then I can stay calm and concise and she can read it when I'm not around. Maybe it'll help :/

[despair-to-future-arcs]

Congratulations!

Well as say, I can't say what's in the brief case; after all my calculator are back at the office and I work better at an office then out here so once I get everything sorted, me and Byakuya should be done by a week.

We got a lot of work to do so hopefully it won't be too much.

...Actually Biju, there is something I want to ask you.

Ask me? Why don't you ask back at Future Foundation?

I think asking here would be a bit more safer and it was something I wanted to know;

I was curious of how Future Foundation found out about Class 77-B and Hajime being Ultimate Despair? I know Kyosuke sent the email of Makoto's betrayal but I find it odd how you all found out so can you answer?

Oh... that, well as say it came as a surprise as none of us were protecting the Remnants of Despairs; all I remember that before July 18th, we were talking about taking a break...

A break?

Well yeah, it was Koichi's idea actually - Masa was giving her usual report and Kyosuke was still on edge like always and Koichi figure...

...

...

...

Date: July 17th, 2017

-and that's all we got for today.

...Are you sure?

Yes... I'm sure, I check and it's the same; that's all I can find.

So can you please drop it and accept that the all the Ultimate Despairs are dead already? We should focus on recovering from the tragedy.

Look, Kyosuke - I get you want to keep finding them but she's look everywhere, maybe they are dead.

But still, they could pop up at any moment, you can't tell!

Kyosuke... I know that you want to keep searching but being on edge like this isn't good for your mental health so let's just calm down and focus on recovery.

Yeeeah, better listen to the former Ultimate Therapist here; she's got a good point.

...I know, but still...

I know, I know... you worried and stuff - make sense if anything but y'know what calms me down after work...?

Booze?

Yeeep, pretty much! I mean c'mon guys; let's get something to drink and wind down - I mean if anything, we deserve it and if concern about cash, don't be - it'll be on me.

Some booze, huh? Well maybe I can offer some cazulo feni or even cabo white rum if I have any but sure I be down for that.

U-Um, sorry but I don't drink much so I think I'll pass on it, allergies.

Same here... sorry, I don't think it be good for a therapist to drink so you all can go on ahead.

Drinking eh? Sorry but I think I'll pass too, my kidney isn't what it use to be but you young folks have fun...

Eh it's fine, if you don't want any then I'll leave ya be.

Anyway, time to head off to the pub!

'Save for Seiko, Miaya and Mr. Tengan, we all decided to go out drinking; after all, seems like Kyosuke really needed it...'