#but. well. i am not very excited about being single rn

[rowenabean]

The thing about crying into my falafel is that as soon as you phrase it as "crying into my falafel" it makes you laugh and therefore breaks the problem

[heartsforhavik]

yandere! re2 leon kennedy x reader

✰ warnings: stalking, sub leon, slightly nsfw but not smut, leon is a creepy masochist, kidnapping, no use of y/n or name, gender neutral reader, not proofread bc it's 2 am for me rn

✰ summary: you were never very close to leon, but you harbored some feelings for him. but your entire view on him changes when you get invited to his place and you find out how he truly feels about you...

✰ a/n: remember when i used to be a havik account? good times. also i still *only* take reqs for mk1 characters. ik i wrote genshin and now i'm writing resident evil, but i am not entirely comfortable with taking reqs for them yet soooo here's me just dipping my toes into the waters of those fandoms. still sticking to mk1 tho. for now. also it's been a hot minute since i played re2 so if it's ooc i apologize.

leon thought you looked so pretty in your sleep. you looked completely peaceful and unbothered. your bedsheets covered your entire body except for your ethereal face, which he could stare at all day. the moon provided a dim glow through your window, giving leon a clear view of your entire bedroom while you slept. sure it may be creepy or a bit stalker-ish of leon to watch you sleep, but he couldn't help it! you were just so irresistible. if only you knew how much he loved you, and how he was capable of protecting and providing for you. he has the potential to be the best boyfriend to you. but you didn't even know him that well, and he was fully aware of that fact. so that's why he suddenly got an idea while he watched you sleep that night. it was a brilliant idea. he could invite you to his place and gain your trust! leon didn't want to waste any time, so he would immediately ask you first thing in the morning.

when you woke up that morning, you got a call from leon a few minutes after you got out of bed.

"i know it's a bit early in the morning, i hope you weren't sleeping... if so, i'm really sorry. i mean, i didn't know when to call you because i didn't want to bother you but at the same time i just really wanted to ask you something." leon rambled.

"no worries, leon. you could never bother me. besides, i just got out of bed. this was so perfectly timed, it's almost as if you memorized my sleep schedule." you joked.

"oh, yeah, that's crazy. imagine that," leon chuckled nervously. "um, anyway, i was just thinking... would you like to come over to my place later? i just thought that we know each other a little bit, but i'd like to get to know you more, since i think you're pretty cool and stuff, so, uh, yeah..." he trailed off, waiting for an answer.

upon hearing his proposal, you lit up in excitement. you always thought he was cute and wanted to get to know him, but you were too nervous to make the first move. this was a great opportunity.

leon was nervously fiddling with his fingers as he waited for your response. the longer you took to respond, the more his anxiety grew. he could feel the sweat forming on his skin and his chest tighten. what if you weren't interested in him in that way? was he being too forward? were you too busy?

you took a deep breath before you finally responded, mustering up the courage to say something. "i'll visit in a couple hours. i'll see you then, leon." you responded quickly, hanging up the phone and getting ready to see him.

leon's heart almost jumped out of his chest when you finally responded. he dropped his phone and immediately got to work, cleaning his place and hiding the pictures of you sleeping and your old clothes in a box under his couch.

he worked very hard to tidy everything up, wanting it to be perfect for you. only the best for you.

when he finished cleaning, he sat on the floor in front of his door like a puppy waiting for its owner. he patiently waited for you to knock on the door and come in, even though it would be a couple more hours until you arrived.

after a few hours of leon not moving a single inch, you finally arrived. as soon as your knuckles grazed the door to knock, leon swung it open with superhuman speed.

"thanks for coming! i hope the weather wasn't too harsh on you." leon greeted, stepping aside to let you in. he didn't actually know if the weather was harsh or not, he just said the first thing that came to his mind to start a conversation with you.

"thanks... and uh, the weather isn't bad at all. it's just a bit windy." you responded, awkwardly standing by the door.

leon was trying his hardest to act calm, but his heart was racing and he could feel his palms getting sweatier and sweatier. you were standing right next to him! and you were alone together! he could've just died right then and there. instead of watching you through your window, you're right in front of him! instead of breaking into your house and stealing and sniffing your clothes, he can just smell you right by him! he was in heaven.

for a couple hours, you both spent time together by watching movies and chatting, getting to know each other more and more. leon even ordered dinner for you both, and somehow he got your favorite food, and he claimed it was just intuition. it didn't even feel like hours had passed, since you were both enjoying yourselves.

"so, uh, do you like this movie?" leon awkwardly spoke up, as you both sat on the couch in front of his tv. you simply smiled and nodded, too tired to respond. it was a random film that you weren't familiar with, and you watched it in silence next to him. you were both clearly tired after that long day, but leon didn't want you to leave just yet. so he started awkwardly starting new conversations or asking you questions, hoping to keep your attention on him. he loved the amount of attention you already gave him that day, and he was still giddy that you agreed to visit him in the first place. all he needs to stay happy is for you to look at him. but you were literally sitting on his couch and spending time with him, and it just made him so overwhelmed with joy. it gave him hope that you could work as a couple someday, and you would never know about his unorthodox antics to get to this point.

or at least that's what he thought.

at some point, leon excused himself to the restroom and left you boredly swinging your legs back and forth on the couch. but you felt your leg kick something hard underneath the couch. when you decided to investigate, you found a hidden box. curious as to why it was hidden, you decided to open it and look inside.

big mistake.

you found some old clothes and underwear that you thought you lost, pieces of your hair, various pictures of you sleeping, a few grocery lists and paperwork that you thought you threw away, and even pages ripped out of leon's journal describing his dark fantasies of you. some of it had some mysterious white stains on it. it was disgusting, and it made you sick to look through it. you thought leon was just a cute sweetheart, but it turned out he was a stalker and a creep. you were so shocked, that you didn't know what to do. should you run? call someone? but it was unsafe, because he clearly knew your address and a lot of your personal information. you had no idea what to do, so you stayed frozen in shock.

when leon returned, he saw the horrified look on your face and saw the box in your hands. his heart dropped. you knew his secret.

"shit. oh my god, uh, it's not what you think. i swear, i just, uh, fuck..." leon stammered, dropping down to his knees in shame.

"what the fuck is this? how long have you been stalking me, you fucking creep?" you yelled, standing over his shaking form.

"haah.. i... uh.." leon seemed to be breathing weirdly, and you weren't sure if it was out of anxiety or pleasure.

"and this," you picked up one of the pages from his journal and waved it in front of his face. "what the fuck is this? you are so fucked up... are you in love with me or something? or is it just some weird ass sexual obsession?"

"i.. i do love you! of course i do! this isn't how i wanted you to find out, but i really do love you! please don't take it the wrong way. i don't want to hurt you, i just want to be with you. i want to feel you and- and spend every waking moment of my life with you.. please don't hate me." leon begged, grasping onto your leg pathetically.

"you're sick in the head. and you're nothing but a pathetic stalker." you scoffed. all the trust and affection you had for him went out the window after you opened that box. there was no way he can get your trust back. hell, you were willing to cut contact with him and move to another country at that point.

"fuck... okay, maybe i am.. but, uh... shit." leon struggled to get his words out, as he felt aroused by your degradation. he never thought it would feel so good to have you yell at him. he could barely even speak, it just felt euphoric for you to scold him for his actions. you expected him to panic, but he seemed to have mixed feelings about the situation. he was still horrified that you discovered his dirty secret, but he had stars in his eyes the more you screamed at him.

"oh my god... you're a masochistic freak, huh? you like it when i yell at you? god, you're so fucked up." you spat, grabbing his collar and lifting him up to your level.

leon whimpered at the sudden contact, not responding to your degredation and simply squirming at your touch.

you sighed. "are you going to explain yourself? or are you just going to keep babbling nonsense?"

after getting no response, you dropped him and started to grab your things and leave.

"i.. i love you so much!" leon blurted out. "please don't leave! i promise, i can make it up to you! i'll do whatever you want! i can uh... i can provide for you! you won't have to lift a single finger for the rest of your life! and uh... i can cook and clean! sort of. i'll learn how to take care of you. i'll show you that i can be a good boyfriend if you let me! please, just love me! i did all these things for you and i promise i will stop if you want me to! please, don't leave."

leon stood in front of the door and desperately held you in place, not wanting to let you leave.

if you chose to stay, leon would be overjoyed. he would keep his promise and make it up to you, spending the rest of his life protecting you from harm and doing anything to keep you happy. your well-being is his number one priority, he'd make himself look like a fool if it meant getting a smile out of you. just let him love you. you don't need to give him anything in return!

if you chose to leave, leon would be a sobbing, sulking mess for about an hour or two before he decided on what to do. he still had all of your information. he knew pretty much everything about you. he would probably do something to force you into being with him, such as faking your death and kidnapping you. you have nobody else now. you have to be with leon now. he is the only one that still loves you and will keep you happy. even if you're mad at him now, he has hope that someday you will warm up to him and be willing to have a relationship with him. he'll wait patiently for that day to come.

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

what happened in switzerland?

mick schumacher x singer!f!reader

fc: gracie abrams bc i have no self control

britishvogue posted...

liked by ynofficial, alexachung and 231,926 others

britishvogue: Singer y/n l/n recently attended a music festival in Australia after her break from social media and the public eye. In an interview conducted by a fan, she explained how she was excited to see what the future has in store and is looking forward to releasing new music after an inspiring trip to Switzerland this Winter.

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fan1: FINALLY MOTHER HAS RETURNED

fan2: get this woman a grammy immediately

fan3: pls she's so cute 😭

fan4: at this point i genuinely think i'm in love with her

fan5: this is amazing and all but i'm wondering why switzerland?

fan6: switzerland is actually very beautiful so it makes sense that she was inspired when she visited

fan7: fr like switzerland in the winter???? cold but GORGEOUS

liked by alyahcs, alexachung and 791,193 others

ynofficial: i feel like it'd be weird to ignore the fact that i kind of went offline for about a year and a half (and i only just found out that virtually nobody had seen me either) so i'm letting you guys know that i'm alive, well, happy, and writing again - and i'm so excited to announce that a new single, 'happy endings', will be released at midnight tonight!

also, have some (2) pictures from the last 18 months, photographed in my new happy place 🥰

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fan8: YOU LOOK SO HAPPY IM SO EXCITED

fan9: happy endings will either destroy my mental health or leave me a sobbing mess on the bathroom floor (wrong, it'll do both)

fan10: switzerland is officially on my bucket list of countries to visit

ynofficial: good girl👍👍👍👍

fan10: imdead 🧎🧎

fan11: i'm 🫶 so 🫶 proud 🫶 of 🫶 you 🫶

ynofficial: STOP YOU'RE MAKING ME BLUSH

georgerussell63: looking forward to hearing it!

liked by ynofficial

mickschumacher has posted to their story...

liked by mclaren, lissiemackintosh and 360,184 others

mercedesamgf1: it's official: the boys are all in their 'happy endings' eras! 🥳

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fan12: came for the driving update, left knowing we can stan the merc boys

fan13: AS THEY BLOODY WELL SHOULD BE

fan14: idk bout you but mick is cheesing a little too hard at that question 😏

fan15: i thought that too, but he probably just has a little crush, bless his soul 🥰

fan16: i wasn't convinced but after i saw lewis likes her music, i listened to her recent single and omg it's actually incredible

fan17: is this the same y/n that mick posted about the other day?

fan18: yes!

liked by ynofficial, phildunster and 483,188 others

mercedesamgf1: familiar faces in the garage. fabioquatararo, tomholland2013 and ynofficial are attending the race on behalf of us (by popular demand 😉)

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fan19: i hope the drivers begged them to invite ynofficial 😞

mercedesamgf1: who says they didn't? 🤔

fan20: I BET IT WAS MICK

fan21: GIVE ME A TOM AND Y/N INTERACTION I'M BEGGING YOU

fan22: tom??? fabio is a literal motogp wc 😭

fan23: scraping for crumbs of y/n rn GIVE US EVERYTHING YOU HAVE

mercedesamgf1: 🫡

liked by estebanocon, connor_swindells and 519,312 others

ynofficial: thank you mercedesamgf1, this weekend has been INSANE!!! also, a massive shout out to mickschumacher for being the best tour guide 😁

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fan24: ok panic over *mops up forehead* 😌

fan25: aw i was kinda hoping they were dating, they'd be cute together 🥲

fan26: this^

fan27: the way they both looked like they were having fun 😊

fan28: PLS HIS FACE IT'S TOO CUTE AHHSDJF

fan29: omg she did a hot lap BABE WHO WAS THE DRIVER

ynofficial: mickshumacher!

fan30: oh. my. god.

mercedesamgf1: content coming soon 😉

fan31: i'm dying someone send helllllpppppp

fan32: why am i fighting the urge to squeal after that merc comment

fan33: no bc same that emoji defo implies something

mickshumacher: had an awesome time with you this weekend ☺️

liked by ynofficial

fan34: shooting his shot

fan35: yk what, i'd probably do the same

liked by landonorris, stephbohrer and 591,374 others

mickschumacher: austria 😁

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fan36: hmm yeah they're probably dating let's be honest

fan37: but he was only her tour guide and it's kind of natural that he'd get photos of her, esp considering she was invited as a merc guest?

fan38: true but when has mick ever done that before?

fan37: i'm just saying, the last thing we want to do is assume things bc there's a perfectly reasonable excuse as to why they've been spending time together

fan39: FUCKING BROAD SHOULDERS 🫠🫠

fan40: i just know y/n took that 😭

fan41: kay but all those photos are just so cute

fan42: right???

callum_ilott: 🤨

liked by danielricciardo, kaitlyndever and 691,320 others

ynofficial: my new album 'STAYING AT SEB'S' is out next week and i'm so excited for you all to finally hear it!

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fan43: seb's? as in seb vettel's farm?

fan44: just how did you draw that conclusion????

fan43: bc she could be dating mick and seb owns a farm in switzerland and i'm pretty sure she knows daniel ricciardo through her manager who knows seb vettel. it's far-fetched but it's not impossible

fan45: if this is right...🤯

fan46: OMG I'M SO EXCITED I JUST SHIT MYSELF IN COSTCO

fan47: i'm gonna listen to this because i'm a massive fan of baby goats

ynofficial: omg i love that for you

fan48: is it a happy album or soul-crushingly depressing

ynofficial: 🤷

fan49: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN GIRLIE 💀

charles_leclerc: no bc i'm so excited

fan50: charles lmao

ynofficial: 🫶

liked by ynofficial, sebastianvettel and 691,186 others

mickshumacher: happy two years, sweetheart 💗 there's never been a day i haven't been in complete awe of your existence; i love and appreciate you everyday

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fan51: oh. em. acca. gee.

fan52: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

fan53: I SHIP IT. I SHIP IT SO HARD

fan54: babe calm down, they've sailed already

fan55: i'm crying pls the way she looks at him HAS ME BLUSHING

georgerussell63: congrats to the happy couple!

estebanocon: about time our dts gossip session came to light 🤣

danielricciardo: fucking finally 😁

lewishamilton: 💜

fan56: the support from the drivers is melting meeeee

liked by mercedesamgf1, laurawoodsy and 712,001 others

ynofficial: happy 2 years to my favourite person, the love of my life, the most adorable human being ever created, and my best friend. it's been a blast so far and i'm loving every second of it 🥰

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fan57: can i ask if mick is the inspiration for 'happy endings'?

ynofficial: he's actually the inspiration for the whole album

fan58: he's so golden retriever

sebastianvettel: i can confirm this is true

danielricciardo: hello??? seb??? look at my texts

fan59: ok he's hot

fan60: THE MOTORBIKE AND THE ARMS 😭🥵

fan61: she's out here creating thirst traps of her bf

fan62: honestly if he looked like mick, i think i would too

fan63: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY 'STAYING AT SEB'S'??????

ynofficial: SEB VETTEL

charles_leclerc: 😲

estebanocon: 😲

lewishamilton: 😲

danielricciardo: 😲

landonorris: 😲

ynofficial: kay wtf

[wonijinjin]

seventeen members teaching you how to drive

author’s note: very self indulgent since i am working on getting my drivers licence rn, for the members that cannot drive let’s pretend they can in this;) please note that this is purely my opinion and is not accurate nor was made to criticise the members in any way, thank you<3

synopsis: what the title says.

word count: 1.3k | genre: fluff, humour/crack | pairing: seventeen x gn! reader | warnings: none

cheol would be one of the least calm ones, we know that he is a good driver and he knows it too, therefore he would love to comment on every single move you make, getting frustrated with you within like 10 minutes. he would yell and scream at you for “not understanding this simple thing” (driving is complicated af nobody can tell me otherwise) while literally wanting to snatch the wheel from you because as he puts it you are a terrible driver being a danger to society lmao. overall 5/10, taking away points because he would definitely make you cry at some point

jeonghan is one of the best ones; his skills are solid, he is kinda chill and doesn’t worry too much. however, this would not be the most beneficial since he is known to be a menace and would be casually clowning you at every move, making you question the knowledge you already have about driving and the road. when you panic and don’t know what to do he would switch back to teacher mode, being very quick to help you, getting you back on track in the journey. overall 9/10, only taking a point away from him because of his tricks my man needs to chill and let you be confident

now although shua may be one of the quieter ones who won’t yell or freak out, he would give up on you quite easily tbh. he is very good at keeping his cool so he would try to be gentle when guiding you on the roads, but if you had struggles with driving frequently during the journey there would be soon a moment when he would sigh and lean back in the seat, contemplating on just getting you a more professional person to help. overall 8/10, he is a bit lazy but can be convinced to stay

jun is at a bit of a loss when explaining, just like some other members he would not always know how to express what you did wrong, since it comes naturally to him at this point, so the process of both of you trying to figure out what exactly felt off with a move you did might become a common thing with him. he is very excited for you though, and would give you all his support! overall 5/10, could be better but he is trying his best so A for effort

if you want to learn how to drive safely i would not recommend getting hoshi to teach you; he is a very fun person to go on karaoke rides with, however he is not always aware of certain limits (speed limits *cough cough*) or the surroundings when being caught up in the moment. he tends to be a bit careless when he is having fun which with you would be evident since he loves your company, however he has a job to do which is teaching you, so please be careful with him since he doesn’t always see the whole picture. overall 5/10, you would definitely fail the exam for the first time

wonwoo is another chill one, his flaw would be that he was bad at explaining; whenever you would ask a question about how to proceed he would tell you, but wouldn’t be able to explain why, which is a very important thing as you should understand why you do what you do (he knows this aswell). he would recommend learning the rules again saying “it all makes sense if you know the rules well enough.” (not always, but gotta admit he has a point) overall 7/10, would be one of the best ones attitude wise

woozi is a very straightforward person, he tells you what to do and expects you to do it. or not. he is quiet and doesn’t get mad easily when you make mistakes, it is part of learning things for the first time afterall. he would gently guide you through the journey only getting a bit taken aback when you do something that even you know is a big mistake. he is not a man of many words in the car which would be the downfall of the learning process, however he is very attentive and observant so after exiting the car he would help you understand the cause of the mishaps during the drive. overall 6/10, a bit quiet

dk is very enthusiastic about teaching you how to drive and would be grateful that you chose to trust him. he would spend endless hours in the car by your side to absolutely get everything done perfectly so you could pass the exam, although he might not be harsh enough at times to tell you when you actually mess up badly, so be careful and don’t take every praise he murmurs to you for granted, as he would not want to say bad things about your skills (even though they were needed to be said, he is a big softie sorry not sorry). overall 7/10, he might be a bit too nice

minghao is pretty much teacher material, strict but not so much that you would get discouraged, balancing out the way he would guide you through every important step sternly, but nicely, hinting soft comforting words along the way to keep your motivation alive and spirits up. if he would be in charge you can bet you would pass the practical exam on the first try, him having a cocky smirk on his face when he saw that all the hard work you two put into it paid off. overall 10/10, i would sit next to him any time he is such a good driver

mingyu is hands down the best person to learn from. he is an experienced one; he practically taught the others how to drive aswell, so you are just another routine learner in his eyes (obviously not, he is the softest with you). his instructions are quite easy to understand and follow, and he is good at giving you helpful tips to make your work easier later on and on the exam. he is witty and entertaining so you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable with the fact that he is teaching, making driving seem so fun you could never be pried off the seat of the car. overall 10/10, friendly and efficient

seungkwan is a shy one; hesitant about how to start and how to help you the best. later on during the drive he could completely switch and could become easy to anger (yall know my man has anger issues) therefore him sitting next to you would be a rather nerve wrecking experience with his judgy expressions escaping against his will. for good measure i gotta say he would try to save the scolding for after each round so you wouldn’t get stressed out while at the wheel, he knows panicking won’t help. overall 6.5/10, he is trying to stay calm we gotta appreciate that (cheol if he was patient)

vernon is the most chill out of them all, this is why he wouldn’t be of much help if i’m honest. he would just nod and sit next to you silently, looking out the window and sometimes opening his mouth to say that you are doing well, poor boy would not have a single clue about how to correct any of your mistakes, saying that “it has been a long time since he learned to drive” aswell. overall 5/10, sorry he is just not teacher coded

dino is more gentle and patient than he looks in my opinion, and he is a relatively good driver who knows a lot about road rules and stuff, so him being on the passenger seat would give you a flashback about the days when you would study the names of the road signs and how the different rules should work in practice; he is the mediator between theory and practice, putting them together nicely with you in teamwork. overall 8/10 pretty solid methods and skills

[queen-of-reptiles]

𝚆𝙰𝚅𝙴𝚂

description: In which Denmark's star girl in swimming has always been very outgoing, which has always made her so popular, especially when she talks about her crushes...

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sofia lundgaard x female reader

disclaimer: I am in now way saying sofia is bi-sexual or lesbian, this is all fiction

warnings: language, bad google translation, also just fluff

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y/n just posted on her story

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interview

"Hi y/n, welcome to London!" Marie, the interviewer said.

"Thank you! I am really enjoying looking around." y/n said smiling, her bright smile as sweet as always as they got straight into the interview.

"Well, obviously you are wonderous, three golds at the Worlds already this year, I mean being 19 and so talented, what is that like?" Marie asked.

"Very, very stressful." y/n said with a laugh and the group watching her laughed a little too.

"I bet." Marie nodded.

"I think also, because I am naturally quite a happy person, it seems to have shown during interviews and cameras so now I feel like I cannot be angry or upset, because everyone expects something else from me." y/n explained and Marie nodded.

The interview continued for a bit, until Marie got to her final section, smiling at the young girl who hadn't stopped making the room chuckle since she stepped foot in it.

"And finally, we know you are a big football fan, you have talked about it a lot, who is your favourite player?" Marie asks.

"I think that such a hard question because I like so many players for so many reasons, but I mean Sofie Lundgaard, she's fantastic. Also, pretty, Sofie, I'm single." y/n said.

She looked toward the second camera as she spoke, making everyone laugh again before the interview wrapped up.

"Oh my! She knows who I am?" Sofie asks as she looks up from the video, tearing her eyes from the stunning girl as Rachel snorted, used to the Danish girl's obsession with the swimmer.

"Yep." Yana grins, popping the 'p' with her lips.

"Great, she'll be unbearable now." Missy sighs as the group walk out to warm up on the pitch, Sofie stuck her tongue out at her friend, leaving over to push her when Yana spat out some water.

Both Missy and Sofie shrieked, jumping out of the way but Yana was focussed on something in the stands, and when Sofie and Missy turned they both gasped.

y/n was sat happily in the stands, talking to one of her friends who must have come over from Denmark with her for the few days of interviews she had.

Sofie's eyes had doubled in size as she took in the gorgeous girl, smooth skin and sweet dimples which had appeared as she threw her head back, laughing at her friend.

"Come on love bird." Missy sighed and Sofie tore her eyes away as they began to run.

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twitter/X

username1: is anyone at the Liverpool women game rn cause Sofie just looked at y/n like she was an angel and I am freaking out because of it

^

username2: AND THEY WAY y/n is looking at her? Like she's so amazing... I am going to cry this is so cute

^

username3: AND AFTER Y/N'S INTERVIEW??????

^

username4: Sofie better shoot her shot, or I will do it for her!

^

username5: We don't know if Sofie is even into it though???

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y/n just posted

liked by, sofiielundgaard, daniels_yana and 398, 279 others

tagged liverpoolwfc and y/f/n

y/n just one chance, please...

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username1: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 😂😂😂

^

username2: no shame

daniels_yana: @sofiielundgaard...

username3: Sofie was a bit quick to like there

username4: y/n is so cute omg 😭😍😍

username5: the way she was cheering in game was so cute i wanted to cry !!!

username6: I spoke to her during half-time and SHE WAS SO SWEET and gave me some gum! 🥹

username7: not even trying to hide it! 😭

y/f/n: she cried when we got back to the hotel, she was too excited...

^

y/n: stfu 😑

liverpoolwfc: Thank you for your support! Loved having you!! ❤️

^

y/n: Thanks for the invite! ❤️

^

username8: Liverpool admin tryna love island it up???

sofiielundgaard: Tak for din støtte! Helt sikkert hjulpet!

thanks for your support! Definitely helped!

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y/n: elskede at se jer alle!

loved watching you all

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sofiielundgaard: xxx

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username9: OMG

username10: this girl forgets she is a public figure and I love it so much 😂

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y/n just posted on her story

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Sofie sat laughing with her teammate Yana as they answered questions for an interview which would go on the Youtube channel, Yana grinning evilly when asked what Sofie liked to watch as a test of their friendship.

"Sofie here is really into her swimming, you, patriot for Denmark and all that." Yana grins. "Though, with how many competitions of a certain Denmark swimmer she watches, I don't know... Maybe it's not the swimming." Yana hums.

"Shut up!" Sofie hisses but the crew had already begun to laugh, causing Sofie to groan and throw her head against the table with a thump.

Yana grins evilly at the camera before feeling a little bad for the blonde and rubbing her back kindly as Sofie leans back up and sighs.

"What can I say? I love my home country." She hums and this again causes everyone to burst out laughing.

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twitter/X

username1: The way this plot thickens with every turn!

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username2: Sofie admitting she likes watching swimming then Yana being an angel and spilling the true tea

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username3: loveeeee Yana sm omg 😍😂

username4: I did feel bad for Sofie though, she looked so embarrassed 😩

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username5: yeah same...

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username6: She will have let them put that in tho, like they would have removed it if she really wanted

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username5: VERYYYYY true 😶

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username7: omg that is such a good point!!

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y/n took a deep breath in, her limbs weightless as they floated around her, the swimmer took another deep breath before pushing of the wall and beginning to swim down toward the other side.

The pool she had found was not busy, maybe because it was half six on a Sunday morning. But y/n could never go a few days without swimming, the water was more home than ground was.

y/n did several lengths before she came to a stop, head popping up before she pushed herself underneath the water, using the side to hold her underneath.

The world quietened and blurred above her, the water for that minute, kept her safe. However, she hadn't taken a deep enough breath for longer than a minute and a half, and so pushed herself back up and to sit on the side.

y/n sat quietly, regulating her breath once more as she watched her feet in the water, her braided hair now heavy against her suit clad back.

It was only after a minute, did y/n realise she was no longer alone. She turned her head, looking in the next lane, where to her surprise, Sofie Lundgaard was, head lent back and eyes shut as she floated for a moment in the water.

Her muscled shoulder tensed as she kept herself afloat, and y/n suddenly felt very hot as she lowered herself back into the water to try and ignore the woman beside her.

"Ingen er her normalt på dette tidspunkt." Sofie hummed as she looked back up.

no one is usually here at this time.

"Jeg bliver stort set sindssyg, hvis jeg ikke svømmer i et par dage." y/n admitted with a soft laugh.

I pretty much go insane if I don't swim for a few days.

"Really?" Sofie asked, not overly aware she had slipped into English.

"Yeah, more at home in the water than on land mum used to say." y/n smiled softly relaxing back, her eyes darted up to the clock, showing 6:48.

Sofie and y/n didn't talk much for the new few minutes, an occasional comment or question with an answer would be thrown, but for a bit they just swam side by side, enjoying the feeling of one another's company.

When the clock hit 7:30, y/n sighed and slid up the pool side. Sofie gulped and looked away from the muscled arms which tensed as they pushed y/n from the water.

y/n smiled at Sofie, nodding as she grabbed her towel and walked toward the changing rooms, but as she went to leave the room she changed her mind.

"Would you like to get breakfast?" y/n asked as she turned to face Sofie.

"Thought you would never ask." The blonde grinned and pushed herself out of the water as well.

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y/n just posted on their story

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sofiielundgaard just posted on her story

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y/n hummed as she prepared for her final race of the day, it was just a friendly, Denmark's best against each other, but that did not mean she was not prepared.

She had gotten back to Denmark a week ago, after spending three weeks in London, a trip which had lengthened for no specific reason.

She heard the call, the shot and then she dived as soon as she hit the water, y/n knew, she knew she had won, because she was away suddenly.

She pulled ahead, a good few strokes from everyone else, she turned and pushed again, knowing this one was only two lengths. Which after a week of long racing was nice to think.

She pulled ahead further, the commentator shocked as anything as she slammed her hand on the wall, sighing in relief as she pulled herself up, shocked at the way her coach had paused.

"Hvad?" She asked him.

what?

"Hvad?" She asked again, pulling a towel around her body to keep her warm. Her coach just turned her body and pointed to two letters next to her name.

DR

Danish Record.

y/n let out a yell of shock, her fellow swimmers running over to congratulate her as she slammed her hand over her mouth, eyes trying to find someone, who once they had been found grinned wildly.

y/n grinned back, looking briefly at the pool before grabbing her coach and fellow swimmers, the group all jumping in, her coach slightly begrudgingly.

Breaking records was something y/n had been doing from the age of 14, and every time she did, she would jump into the pool. But y/n had just been thrown into today's race as a back up, almost as a joke.

Because breaststroke was not her stroke, but she had somehow just broken a Danish record with it. How? She didn't know nor care as she and her fellow swimmers sunk into the waves of blue, being watched by a very proud blonde.

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y/n just posted

liked by, sofiielundgaard, pharder10 ans 401, 766 others

tagged sofiielundgaard

y/n note to self, always go for half six swimming sessions...

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sofiielundgaard just posted

liked by, daniels_yana, y/n and 218, 736 others

tagged y/n

sofiielundgaard You know, I don't think I watch swimming for the sport... 🤷‍♀️

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twitter/X

username1: HARD LAUNCH HARD LAUNCH I REPEAT HARD FUCKING LAUNCH 😭😭

username2: 'I don't think I watch swimming for the sport' hahahahah 😂

username3: FUCK YESSSSSS

username4: I feel like we have Yana to thank for this.

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daniels_yana: You do 😌

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username5: OMG

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END

kay bois, struggled with this one, won't lie - so what do you we think???

love ya'll!

-

Queenie!

[apolloscastellan]

Never quite buried | loss of my life chapter 4

Pairing: Art Donaldson x Tashi Duncan x Patrick Zweig x FemaleTennisPlayer!reader

Summary: Your life had always been divided in two: before you met Tashi and after you met Tashi. The second you had laid eyes on her for the first time you knew you had been changed. You were soulmates, meant for each other Nothing could ever tear you two apart, or so you had thought. You could've pinpointed the junior U.S. Open as the night that changed everything. Now you have to juggle your hate-love relationship with tennis with your love-love relationship with Tashi and the two guys who you can't seem to stay away from. Tennis, after all, was only one of the most fucked up relationships of your life.

Warnings: challengers spoiler, challengers content warnings, super minor character death, terrible mother figure, use of y/n, polyamory.

Word count: 6.5K

A/N: Please let me know what you think bc my motivation is severely lacking rn, i feel like i'm writing into the void

series masterlist | prev | next

Tashi remembers perfectly the day your retirement from singles hit the news. It was all everyone could talk about. First, it was the statement on your social media. A well thought out paragraph about your struggles with continuing to enjoy tennis the way you used to and deciding to take a new route, it ended with a promise for more and better news soon. Then it was the teasing posts from Adidas, the “she is not done just yet” and the “love conquers all”. It all came to a peak with the release of the pictures of you and Patrick. Both of you wearing matching Adidas apparel, practicing in the private court you had in your backyard. The chemistry between the two of you was obvious to everyone who saw them. There was a glint in your eyes that no one had seen since you went pro. She knew the smile you were giving Patrick all too well, it used to be reserved for her. 

Her and Art, who had just very recently reconnected, sat on his couch for hours watching the tennis channel, waiting for updates. The relief they felt when it was announced that you were not quitting because you were fatally injured, as everyone had originally thought, was short lived. Neither of them spoke as the commentators showed the images of you and Patrick. Practicing, giggling, getting closer, him giving you that teasing smirk they both knew, you throwing your head back laughing, him beaming at you when you weren’t even looking, both of you focused on the ball, kissing… They both thought about turning off the TV, hitting some balls to work out how they were feeling, but then you were introduced into the set, a vibrant smile as you walked in, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt too big to be yours. The Mark Rebellato Tennis Academy logo only confirmed the obvious. You shook hands with everyone, sitting on the sofa they had reserved for you.

“Y/n Y/l/n, thank you for being here” the older man said, over the clapping of the crowd.

“Thanks for having me!”

“What a day it’s been for all of us, tennis fans. You’ve had us on the edge of our seats! First we mourned, now we’re celebrating… Please tell us why did you do this to us?”

“I am so sorry! I am, I really am” you laughed as the man teased you, God how they missed that laugh. “I have a flair for the dramatic, I must admit, and I am, in a way, saying goodbye to my career as I know it. It’s the start of a new chapter, and it’s really exciting, but it is also a goodbye and it felt right to give it its proper moment. I didn’t realize so many people were going to be so upset about it.”

“Why the switch? Why decide to give up singles completely?”

“I wasn’t enjoying it anymore, it was painful and I had started dreading every second of it. Fortunately, I am in a position where I can decide I don’t want to keep doing something that is bringing me down, so I took advantage of it. I didn’t want my stubbornness to completely ruin my love for tennis. I thought I could step back, maybe take up teaching and try to find that passion again. I was going to quit regardless, so this playing doubles thing happened at just the right time.”

“Yeah, let’s talk about that! You’ve decided to become a full time mixed doubles player with Patrick Zweig, who is a challengers player, somewhere in the two-hundreds. You are currently ranked number one in the world, how does this happen?”

“I think rankings and numbers can be misleading sometimes. Sometimes a player is not playing their best because of external reasons, or simply because they are not meant to be where they are. I think me and Patrick are meant to play together, I really do. And if you can’t trust anything else, trust this: I am really competitive and I hate losing, I would not put myself in a situation like this if I really thought we couldn’t win.”

“From what I’ve heard Zweig and you are committed to each other both on and off the court. You’ve never been open about your private life in the media, and he is the first boyfriend you’ve ever made public, what’s different about him?”

They couldn’t take their eyes off you as you let a bashful smile spread on your face.

“I mean…  Everything. I am pretty possessive of my privacy and we still don’t plan to share everything we do, but the truth is that I have never been open about any boyfriends because I have not had any serious relationships since I went pro. Patrick and I will be playing and training together so I thought it was bound to come out, so to me, I'd rather have that happen on my terms. And I do think Patrick is very different to all relationships I’ve had before, in the best way possible”

Art swallowed, refusing to look at Tashi when she turned to watch him. He didn’t deserve to be jealous. He knew that, if he had treated you right, you would still be together. That knowledge didn’t change how he felt.

“How does that happen? How does one manage to make the Y/n Y/l/n fall in love with them?”

“Well, me and Patrick met each other a while ago, at the U.S Junior Open, actually. He won it, I got second, we hit it off instantly. But it was one of those situations where it’s never the right time, you know? We kept missing each other, we were in relationships with other people, and we ended up drifting apart when I went pro. And then, funnily enough, we bumped into each other at an Adidas party about a year ago, and the rest is history.”

Art couldn’t bring himself to be angry when the TV shut off. He turned to look at Tashi who stood there with the remote in her hand, not looking at him. 

“I’ll see you in ten in the court. We need to work on your serve.”

He didn’t need to be told twice, grateful for the excuse to take his feelings out on the ball. To think about anything that wasn’t your smile as you talked about Patrick. He didn’t say it out loud, but he knew Tashi felt the same way, the sudden urge to train had not come out of nowhere. 

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

You look down, shaking your head as Patrick crashes his racquet repeatedly against the floor. The umpire’s voice ominously announcing the score. You raise your face back up when Patrick gets given a penalty. Art walks nonchalantly back to the bench, you can feel Tashi’s smug grin beside you. You make eye contact with your husband and shake your head, he rubs his face with both hands, then nods. As much as you both don’t really care to win this tournament, he knows you’ll be angry if he just lets it go, gets angry and in his head and lets Art have it on conduct alone. So he sits back and waits, ready to be better, to prove himself to you once again, like every time he steps on the court.

Earlier that week. New Rochelle, New York. August 18, 2019:

Tashi is working, writing stats on her computer when she sees Patrick walking towards her from the corner of her eye. She rolls her eyes as he stops behind her, pointing at her screen before he speaks:

“He’s not bad, I played him at a few of these things when I did singles.”

“What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be practicing to not humiliate your wife before she carries you through the U.S. Open?”

“I just finished, thanks for caring.”

“Wonderful” she says, not a hint of amusement in her voice.

“Hey, come have a cigarette with me, I have to talk to you.”

“Yeah I don’t smoke, and I’m not talking to you.”

“Neither do I. It was just an excuse.”

She looks back at him, unimpressed, but he doesn’t let up. He stands there, staring at her until she gives in, closing her computer and standing up. Patrick is not sure what he is doing. He probably shouldn’t be doing anything at all, if he’s honest with himself. But he has dug a hole too deep to jump out of now, so he is going to follow through. He is doing this for you, he reminds himself, no matter how angry you’ll be with him at first, he is doing this for you. They find an empty alley and look back at each other, Tashi waits for him to speak, he takes his time collecting his thoughts before he does.

“I’m gonna propose something to you and it’s going to make you angry. It’s going to make you very angry,” he can’t help the smirk growing on his face, her expression doesn’t let up. “I want you to be our coach next season.”

“What?”

“Our coach is retiring, we need someone else. I want you to be our coach from next season on.”

“Does she know you’re offering me this position?”

“No, not yet. But she will, and she’ll agree with me.”

“You know that’s bullshit. Plus, why would I want to coach you guys? I already have a highly successful athlete under my wing.”

“Yeah, but even if he wins the Open and completes his career grand slam, Art’s still gonna retire as someone who was really, really good. That’s what you guys will have done together. But imagine if you could get your hands on us. Imagine if you could make us great. You’d go down in history. We have a couple more seasons. We still have a couple more good seasons and I need you to bring it out of us. What do you think?”

He doesn’t expect Tashi to slap him, turning his face completely, although he really should have. He mumbles a curse under his breath.

“How fucking dare you?” she sounds angry, too angry for his stupid proposition. “You want me to give you my best piece of advice? To coach you? Ok, quit.”

Patrick can’t even begin to think of a response, the murderous gaze Tashi gives him fixes him to the spot.

“Quit right now, right fucking now, quit.”

“What are you talking about?” he is too shocked to be offended.

“You’re dragging her down. She should’ve gone down in history as the best ever player. She would have broken records. She should have been good enough to beat the men, and she is what? Going around playing mixed doubles with you? It’s pathetic. Quit, and maybe she’ll have a chance at being an ounce of what she should’ve been.”

“You’re fucking joking”

And now Patrick is angry too. Because he is tired. He is so tired of the endless comments and judgment. He is tired of being blamed for ruining you and your career as if it hadn’t been your decision. As if it hadn’t been your idea. As if he was capable of ever doing that to you. As if he hadn’t begged for you to think it over a million times before you took a step that you wouldn’t be able to come back from. As if he hadn’t been the sole reason the world of tennis hadn’t lost you completely. As if he didn’t try harder than he had ever tried to be enough for you and make sure you never resented him or regretted being with him in any way. The thing that makes him the most angry, though, is that it’s Tashi. And how dare Tashi, the woman who had abandoned you and ruined your love for tennis in the first place, blame him for something she had pushed you to do. Something that was nobody’s fault but hers.

“You must be fucking delusional if you think for just one second that I would ever, ever, ask her to give up on her career for me. You know whose idea it was to play mixed doubles only? Y/n’s. She thought of it, she asked me to do it, she orchestrated every single little detail. And you wanna know why she did it? Because she hated tennis. She was going to quit. She couldn’t stand the thing she loved the most anymore. And you wanna know what made her start to hate tennis, even though her love for it never wavered before, not even with her borderline abusive mum who only loved her for her talent in it? You, Tashi. You did. You ruined tennis for her. So get the fuck off that high horse you continue to ride everywhere, because if there’s one person here to blame for ruining her career, it’s the one I’m looking at.”

He is out of breath when he finishes speaking, and he doesn't know what to do. He has so much shit he wants to throw at her, so much resentment for all that she had put you, and him, through. But he can’t say anything else, the second Tashi’s expression falls, even if it is only for a moment, he can feel his heart shatter inside his chest. No matter how much he hates Tashi, how much he resents her, he loves her. He loves her so much it hurts deep inside his chest, like an ache that is so present he had almost forgotten it existed. But looking at her right now, he feels it, pulsating all through him, and he knows, with a certainty he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge before, that he will never not feel this way about her.

“You don’t know what you’re saying” her voice is stern, but Patrick knows her too well to believe her tone.

“You hate me” it’s not a question. “And you hate her too. Me, for having her. Her for having the career you deserved. And it’s driving you crazy, because as much as you hate us both, you also love us. And as much as you love Art, you hate him too.”

“Excuse me?”

“You hate him because he is just Art, that’s all he can ever be. He will never be me, and he will never be her. And as much as you love him, just Art will never be enough for you.”

“I don’t know what gives you the right to speak about my marriage…”

“The same thing that gives you the right to speak about mine. Does Art know about Atlanta?” he cuts her off.

The pure, unfiltered shock on her face lets him know he has caught her off guard. She did not expect him to know about it. She collects herself quickly, but she doesn’t say anything.

“You keep saying you came here because Art needed matches, but I think you came for something else.”

“You think I came here for you?”

“And for her” he says nodding. “I’ve been signed up for this tournament for months, there’s no way you didn’t see my name in the participants list.”

“You think I came here, to throw it all away for you?”

“Maybe you just wanted to see us…”

“I don’t need to see you to know that you look like shit, and she should get as far away from you as soon as possible.”

She starts to walk away, decisively.

“I’m going to beat him,” he says, it stops her in her tracks, she turns her face to look at him. “If we both make it to the final I’m going to beat him.”

“Even if you did, it wouldn’t change anything.”

“It would break him, you know it would.”

She shakes her head and starts to walk away, too exasperated to come up with another hurtful retort about his failed career. She jogs after her, catching up with her pace almost effortlessly. He grabs her arm, makes her stop walking. He pulls up a piece of paper from the back pocket of his jeans.

“My number, in case you change your mind about the coaching… Or about seeing us again.”

“I won’t.”

He nods, shrugs his shoulders. Then, he watches her put the note in her pocket. He smiles.

New Rochelle, New York. August 24, 2019:

Patrick hasn’t looked away from you even once. You know even though you are looking into your lap. You are hyper aware of every single person around you. Most accurately, you are hyper aware of the woman next to you and the two men playing against each other. You play with your ring as you feel Tashi tell Art to focus. When you finally meet Patrick’s eyes he doesn’t smile. He raises his left hand and kisses the ring on his finger without breaking eye contact as the umpire announces the start of the next set. He crosses paths with Art as he makes his way to the other side of the net but he doesn’t move his eyes from you until he is getting ready to serve. You know then, with absolute certainty, that he is doing this for you.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

Even though Patrick and you both know why you are sitting in the stands during practice time instead of walking around the venue, or actually practicing, you are still shocked when you see Tashi and Art walk into the court. Your hand reaches for Patrick, holding on to his thigh as if on a rollercoaster that is suddenly going down. You both try to look composed and careless, but you don’t know if you are doing a good job. Art and Tashi do the same, pretending they can’t see you, even though you are the only other ones there and you stick out like a sore thumb. Patrick and you talk to each other, although neither of you would be able to recall anything said during your conversation, and share the fries you had bought before walking over. You pretend you just casually stumbled to sit there for a snack, that you hadn’t checked the schedule to figure out what time and what court Art Donaldson had for pre-match practice. Art hits the ball like he hasn’t been able to hit it in a while, grunting as his racket made contact with it. Tashi looks at you for a second, then back at Art. She nods, satisfied. You want to run away, want to erase that satisfied smirk from her face and your memory. But you stay glued to your seat, hand in your boyfriend’s thigh, heart pounding, and you take the way they ignore you like a punishment.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

The wind is relentless, the trees hitting against the window making repetitive thwack noises that remind Patrick of the sound of the ball hitting the racket. You have been answering emails and making calls to finish preparing things for tomorrow, the U.S. Open, and whatever lies in store for you both after that. Patrick knows that you’ve been messaging potential coaches and though the guilt pit on his stomach keeps growing, he can’t bring himself to say anything to you. He hopes you haven’t set in stone anything, because he is still delusionally confident that Tashi will accept his offer. He knows he should help, whatever you are doing affects him too, but he is too nervous to do anything productive so he just lays around, throwing a ball against the ceiling, or the wall, or whatever he can find. After the third time the ball slips from his hand too early or too late and hits you, you stand up and point to the door.

“Leave, right now” he makes no attempt to move. “Patrick, I mean it. I’m working and I know that you are nervous but you’re stressing me out so go down to the sauna, or get a drink or something that’s not going to make me ask you for a divorce or have to spend the rest of the night finding a place to hide your body.”

Patrick smiles as he stands up. He picks one of the keys from your bedside table and walks over to you, kissing your head before making his way to the door.

“I love you.” 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever, love you too. Leave now, please.”

He giggles all the way down the elevator. He doesn’t feel like drinking, which means he doesn’t feel like making a fool of himself tomorrow for getting drunk the night before a match, especially not in front of Art and Tashi. So he walks around until he finds the sauna, maybe that will help him calm down. But as he gets naked and opens the door he can’t believe his bad luck. Although there is a white towel covering his face, there is no denying the naked man sitting right in front of him is Art Donaldson. Patrick doesn’t think there’s a world where he wouldn’t recognize him, no matter how much he’s changed from that scrawny blonde boy he once knew like the back of his hand. He thinks about turning around, walking out, pretending he never saw him, and finding something else to do for the night. But there’s no way Art hasn’t heard the door opening, and Patrick has never been one to run from conflict, not really. So he steps forward, lets his mind get a little bit caught up in the past, sue him he hasn’t seen this guy in years, and opens his mouth:

“Can you do me a favor? Can you not like, demolish me tomorrow?” He says it with the inflection of a pick up line, and before he can even finish his sentence Art is pulling the towel away from his face and looking at him like he already knew that it was him standing at the door, even before he said anything.

They are both smiling as Patrick pulls the sauna door closed and walks toward Art. He is acting far more comfortably than he feels, but if he stops to think about what is actually happening he might start shaking and poop his pants, which would be a terrible thing seeing as he isn’t wearing any. He gets way too close to him, and raises one of his legs on the bench, dick fully on display. Art makes a valiant attempt pretending he doesn’t look down.

“Hey, congrats on being a Phil Tire’s Town Challenger finalist.”

“Yeah, you too” Art says, looking forward to not have to look at Patrick, who is smiling far too wide for the situation they are in and the past that they have.

“Hopefully the wind dies down by tomorrow and we can have a fair fight” Patrick lets himself pretend this is normal, like they are two competitors getting ready for the final, maybe even pals catching up after not having seen each other in a while.

Art doesn’t let him have a second of the little fantasy he’s made up in his head, though. He slides down the bench, getting as far away from him as he can without looking like he is actually running away.

“C’mon, can we talk?” Patrick says, and his voice sounds pitiful even to his own ears.

“Can you put your dick away” Art’s voice is stern, but he looks him in the eye for the first time since he walked in, so he counts it as a win.

“This is a sauna,” Patrick scoffs, putting up a fight so Art won’t notice he’d do anything he told him to. “Look, we've been here for a week and we haven’t said two words to each other. It's just… it’s silly, man. It’s dramatic. I mean, really, why are you so angry with me?”

He sits down, obeying Art and covering his dick. Art is finally looking at him, really looking at him. It has the same effect it did back when they were kids, Art looking at him makes him feel brave. He can’t stop himself from rambling on.

“Look, I don’t buy that it’s because of Tashi, I don’t think it’s because of what happened to her. And I hope it’s not about Y/n, because you have no right… So, I think, maybe, you’re just really disturbed by the fact that they could’ve been into someone like me. Both of them”

“Tashi liked you when we were teenagers.”

“Sure, but I just got married to the girl you said was the love of your life.”

“I ended things with her.”

“And you regret it every single day of your life,” Patrick knew, because it was the same way you and him felt about him and Tashi, “and you know that Tashi does too.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“We both know that if Tashi had been a little more brave back then, she would’ve never taken either of our numbers. If she had been a little bit more honest with herself, she would’ve swept Y/n away and neither of us would’ve had a chance with either of them.”

“That still happened when they were teenagers. When we were teenagers.”

“Huh” Patrick looks thoughtful. “When they were teenagers…”

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You slip out of your room in a t-shirt that is definitely not yours and the first shorts you stumble across on your way to the door. You can’t sleep and Patrick’s soft snores, which you often find endearing, are getting on your nerves. He doesn’t stir, even as you close the door softly behind you. You don’t know what you are doing, or where you’re going. You take the stairs down, needing to move your body for a little bit. You walk outside, feeling like no matter how hard you breathe in there’s not enough air in your lungs. You lay your weight against the brick wall of the hotel. You get your breathing under control after a couple minutes of staring at the sky trying to look for constellations you don’t know the name of anyways. When you turn around, to go back inside the hotel, you realize that right next to where you were standing there’s a window to the hotel’s bar. There, sitting down, nursing a glass that you can only assume contains something strong, already staring at you, is Tashi Duncan. You don’t know what you’re doing, but you let your feet guide you inside. Then, instead of going up the stairs like you should, you take a right turn and walk right into the bar. Tashi finds you immediately, having been looking at the door. You don’t understand what you’re doing, but before you can think about it you are sitting right in front of her. You haven’t looked at her this up close in years. You search, but you can’t find many differences. She looks exactly like the girl you knew with her hair a little shorter. You wonder if it’s the same on the inside, if the million secrets you knew about her still hold true. If you could still tell which of her smiles were fake, or when she was about to cry but was trying to hold it down.

“I heard you gave up,” she whispers after a minute of staring into each other’s eyes.

“I quit singles, I didn’t give up,” but you can tell she doesn’t really believe you, so you scan her, trying to find something else to talk about. Your eyes lock on the ring in her finger. “That’s a gorgeous ring.”

Your fingers find your own ring instinctively. You don’t know if you’re trying to make sure it’s still there, or if you are trying to ask your dad for strength. Her gaze lowers, first to your ring, then to her own.

“It’s his grandmother’s.”

You nod, you know what that means. Art had always talked about wanting to propose to his future wife with his grandmother’s ring. Back when he fantasized with you about it, it was your hand that ring ended up on. He always talked about taking you to the residency so you could meet his grandmother, completely sure she would love you and give you her blessing immediately. You think of your own sentimental family ring, unsure you would ever be able to trust anyone enough to carry it, no matter how much you loved them.

“How is she?” you ask, more out of politeness than anything else, you never got to meet her, after all.

“She died. Stroke”

You grimace, knowing the feeling of losing the one person who truly believes in you too well.  You look around, trying desperately to find something to say, you will your brain to remember the million icebreakers and conversation starters you had been forced to memorize for the awfully boring networking parties your mum used to throw for you. You come up with nothing, so you look back at her and lean over the table and she imitates you. Your faces inches away from each other. You feel drunk even though you haven’t had a single sip of alcohol all day. You don’t question it, Tashi always made you feel like you were going crazy and a little bit drunk. It must be that what pushes you to say what comes out of your mouth next:

“I miss you.”

She doesn’t say anything, but she leans further over the table, getting impossible close to your face without touching it. Then, when you are completely sure she is going to tell you to go fuck yourself and leave her alone, her hand makes her way to the back of your neck pushing you towards her until your eyes meet. There might be a million things that have changed since the last time you did this, but kissing Tashi Duncan feels exactly the same as the first time you did it. It feels like coming home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“You’re right” Art says finally, leaning his back against the wall. “I do find it disturbing.”

“There’s no need, man. Lots of girls were into me, but only one of them wanted to marry me. I’ve always thought that was not what I was for, so I don’t know how I did it.”

“Yeah, neither do I.”

Patrick feels his entire skin burn with the way Art looks him up and down. He curses in his head the years they’ve spent apart and the secretive, mature person Art has become, he can’t read him like he could. He can’t tell if he is teasing, or trying to humiliate him. He can’t tell if he’s angry, or just as desperately sad as he is.

Atlanta Open, Atlanta. July 18, 2011:

You don’t know how but you and Tashi have stumbled onto a hotel room that you don’t recognize. It’s much bigger and fancier than yours so you assume it’s hers. You want to ask where Art is, if he is about to walk in on the two of you making out on his bed, but the way she is kissing you makes you forget about everything. You roll onto the bed, hands on either side of her face as hers roam your body freely. It’s too much and not enough simultaneously and you moan and pant on her lips. It’s everything you’ve always dreamt of and you can’t help wanting more. More of her and her body, of her lips, more of her heart. You try to not be greedy, take what she gives you, and soon you’re seeing stars and rolling over, breathing with difficulty.

“That was…” 

“Yeah” she mumbles.

“So… What happens now?”

“What do you mean what happens now?” she seems confused as she stands from the bed, walking around until she finds your clothes.

“We just had sex,” you say, obviously.

“Look, we shouldn’t have done this. It was a mistake.” She throws your t-shirt at you, you put it on slowly.

“A mistake?” you’re getting angrier by the second, but you don’t want to yell and alert whoever is sleeping in the room next to this one.

“Yeah, we will act as if nothing happened.”

“What about Art?

“He doesn’t need to know,” you shake your head as you finish putting on your clothes.

“That’s fucked up.”

“Do not act as if I was the only one who cheated! Aren’t you and Patrick dating?”

“I never said that! You can’t just run away from everything you refuse to accept. You haven’t talked to me in years!”

“Yeah, and it should have stayed that way.”

“One day you’re going to wake up and realize that everything you’ve refused to accept all your life is catching up to you, and by then, it might be too late.”

“Get out” she says, instead of replying to what you said, you don’t need to be told twice.

You manage to hold back your tears until you are standing in front of the elevator. You’re fully sobbing when the doors open, revealing a very confused Art. You see him step towards you, but you refuse to let either of them continue breaking your heart. You step backwards, then turn around. You run until you find the stairs. By the time you make it back to your room you look like a mess. You knock on the door, you must have left your key in Tashi’s room but you are too upset to care about that or waking Patrick up. His entire face changes when he opens the door. Worry taking over his expression.

“Y/n, what happened? Where were you?

You fall onto his arms, sobbing. He leads you in, closing the door behind you. You don’t speak until you’re both seating in bed.

“I saw Tashi… And I… We…” you don’t say anything else, but you don’t need to, he understands.

He holds you through the night. The next morning, you forfeit the tournament and go home.

New Rochelle, New York. August 23, 2019:

“Honestly, I thought you’d be happy I was in the draw” Patrick is not ready to let it go, to shut up and walk away from Art, he doesn’t know when’s the next time he’ll be able to talk to him again, so he runs his mouth. “I mean, you’ve always wanted to beat me in a tournament, and two weeks before the open… It’s the perfect confidence booster.

He settles on cocky because he doesn’t know what else to do. He has never been very good at being vulnerable, not with Art, and no amount of therapy is going to make him start now, when he can see how done he is with him from a mile away.

“I know what you’re trying to do right now,” Art smiles.

“I’m not trying to do anything, Art,” but he doesn’t know if he’s telling the truth. “This is a challenger, I don’t need to play mind games with you.”

“Right, you don’t give a shit.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that…”

“We both know that you have a considerably higher stake here than I do.”

“Do I?”

Art laughs, but there’s no real humor to it. Patrick does too, trying to conceal the way he is sure his entire body is shaking.

“Oh, fuck… Where do you get your swagger from, man?” Patrick can tell, from the way Art is looking at him, that this is the part that’s going to hurt, he doesn’t try to stop it. “I mean you come in here swinging your dick around like I’m supposed to be afraid of it but do you realize how embarrassing it is that you are here right now?”

“Not quite as embarrassing as you being here,” Patrick has never known a way to back down, so he stirs the pot.

He’d rather have Art yelling at him or humiliating him than not talking to him at all. His therapist would not be very proud.

“I’m just stopping by, man. You would live here if it wasn’t for her” there’s a pause, suddenly Patrick wants to take everything back, run away with his tail between his legs, but it’s too late. “You know, I’ve always tried to figure out what happened to you, but the more I thought about it the more I realized… It’s what didn’t happen. You never grew up. You still think you can talk to me like you’re my peer because we came from the same place, because you’ve managed to stumble into some of the same competitions. But it’s not about where you came from in tennis, Patrick, it’s about winning. And I do, a lot. And you only do because you tricked Y/n into playing with you. But one day, she’s going to wake up and realize she wasted her entire fucking life in a pathetic man who thinks he’s the shit because he won the junior U.S Open a trillion years ago. And then, you’ll be left with what you deserve: nothing.”

“You’ve never beaten me,” he says, as if it’s what matters out of everything he said.

He says it because if he focuses on what Art said about you, he might cry. He doesn’t want to cry, not in front of Art, not right now. He doesn’t have enough willpower to fight him, like he knows he should, like he did with Tashi.

“So what? I haven’t beaten most of the guys who play in these things, or the ones who only make it into the big tournaments playing doubles. This is a game about winning the points that matter.”

“I don’t matter?” he doesn’t know why he says it, or what he is expecting to get in return.

“Not even to the most obsessive tennis fan in the entire world,” his voice is monotone, tired, Patrick wants to crawl out of his skin.

“We’re not talking about tennis.”

“What the fuck else do I have to talk to you about?”

“I wanted to come in here to wish you good luck, Art,” he says, and he means it.

“That makes no sense,” Art scoffs, looking away, he’s talking to himself more than Patrick.

“I wanted to say that I’m looking forward to it, I miss playing with you,” he is being vulnerable, but he knows Art won’t believe him, which is probably why he says it in the first place.

“Yeah,” he nods his head and he looks amused, but Patrick can see right through him, he’s about to finish him off. “Well, I don’t miss playing with you, man. I’m too old for it.”

As soon as the door is closed behind Art, Patrick lets himself drop onto the bench. He tells himself he is not going to cry. There’s tears running down his face by the time you open the door of your room to him. He doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t need to, you understand.

[sammyboyimagines]

Heeeeeeey~ its me again, but now I have a request for you :3

Can you please make headcanons of Billy Hargrove married with the reader?~ maybe some sfw and some nsfw?~ pretty pleaaaaaase? *puppy eyes*

//hi of course of course!! I'm so sorry this took so long I've had very confusing week and I love this request. Also thank you again for the kind words a few days ago! I'd love to write more for you anytime if you want to request, absolutely no pressure though! <3 I'm listening to my romantic playlist so this should be fun, also it's 1 am sorry for any errors, I think there are many lol

warnings: established relationship, oral, unprotected sex, fluff, smut, MINORS GO AWAY ON THE SECOND HALF OF IT, rough sex, idk what else

alright, first I'm gonna start off with the SFW stuff!

now, obviously the minute you are alone on your honeymoon, he is all over you. Kissing all over your face and neck, cuddling you for hours, etc.

Billy enjoys letting everyone know you're his, your name might as well be "my wife" because he introduces you as his wife to everyone that will listen.

I like to think that Billy settling down might make his father make an effort, I think that seeing him be so loving with you makes his father want to be a better father.

Adding onto that, I think it would also bring his sister closer to him, as she definitely hangs out with you a lot whenever she's not with her friends.

Billy is a very touchy husband, holding your hand as he speeds down the freeway, holding your thigh during dinners with your parents, and pulling you close to him any chance he gets.

He gave you a fancy ring when he proposed to let everyone know you were taken.

Billy doesn't know much about love and committed relationships, but you take everything day by day, and it makes him much more comfortable with the idea of building a life together with you.

I think he would stay awake some nights just thinking about the fact that it really happened. You're his wife.

It took him forever to really let it sink in, but he was excited nonetheless.

I think deep down, Billy was worried that he would never fall in love with someone and really tie the knot. Commitment used to scare him until he found you, someone who didn't care about superficial things like money, looks, etc.

Billy definitely saved up for the proposal in advance. It took him a while to propose because he wanted the scene to be perfect, with nobody interrupting.

The wedding was fairly small, the less the better in his opinion. Just a few family members from each side.

Billy would never come out and say it, but he loves spending holidays and domestic things with you. Exchanging gifts even though you were the best gift he ever could have received.

Though you'd disagree, Billy was constantly worried about being a good husband.

Coming from a broken home, he was terrified that his marriage would end up in shambles like his parents.

It took many sleepless nights and comforting talks for Billy to realize that some things last forever. He wanted it to last forever. (I'm listening to Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls rn sorry if it gets sad)

One thing he had to come to terms with was SHARING. Sharing everything, clothing, feelings, etc. He never learned to give and get back, and he adored every single one of these life lessons from his darling wife.

That reminds me, he stops calling you pet names in public and just starts calling you his beautiful wife. For example, shopping, he'll get your attention with a quick, "Come here, my beautiful wife."

He learns to love the little things. Your tired face in the mornings when he wakes you up from a dead sleep, the way you stare at the ring on your finger for at least 10 minutes every day, the way you looked when saying your vows. He wanted to keep these memories forever.

In conclusion, married life frightened Billy, but with his beautiful wife by his side, he felt better every passing day.

Ugh so sweet and fluffy, time for some NSFW headcanons! NO MINORS BEYOND THIS POINT OR I'M GONNA TELL UR MOM, SHE'S IN BED WITH ME RN

Minors I really mean it, istg she's right here

She's literally right here.

If you don't have a mom, I will tell your dad, I have him on the phone rn

Go away minors, last warning.

Okay onto the content, Billy absolutely revels in the fact that you are his, his baby, his wife, his little slut. He fucking loves it.

Your honeymoon was WILD. He tried positions all over your vacation spot. Against the wall or bending you over was his favorite though, classic and intimate.

The looks he gives you in public places, he definitely undresses you with his eyes whenever he gets the chance.

The ring always gets him hard, knowing that he's yours and you are his for forever makes him long to show you just how much love he has for you. He has A LOT apparently.

Billy loves to hold hands when he's fucking you. Feeling the ring as a loving reminder while he roughly drills into you until you're a moaning mess underneath him.

Billy was very soft on his wedding day. The way he swayed and spun you around as you two danced made your heart flutter. But the honeymoon? He was a beast. You'd get home from a nice dinner and within 2 minutes, he'd have ripped your dress and bent you over whatever surface was closest.

Except for your first night as husband and wife. It was the first time he was gentle. He made love to you, and took his time to make sure he watched his wife's face contort in pleasure as he ate you out or fucked you gently.

That first night, it was the first time he came before you. He was so worked up he had lost control from just teasing you, so when he finally slid inside you, it only took him about a minute to let go. He was extremely upset until you convinced him that he could try again next round.

Adding to that, now that you're married, Billy feels like he has all the time in the world to shower you with love. On weekends, you're never out of bed without your legs shaking and a fucked out smile adorning your face. Billy thought it was the best way to wake up, and how could you refuse morning sex?

Billy hadn't considered children yet in all honesty, but he was opening up about the fact that marriages could work without constant arguing and compensating. He was in the moment.

That being said, he fucked you raw practically every time. You were on birth control (or not, whatever you wanna do), and he couldn't resist the feeling of your soft warm walls on his dick, it was like heaven.

After several rounds, Billy loves to either draw you a nice hot bath to make up for his roughness or cuddle up to you.

Billy was accidentally the little spoon for one night and now he likes to be the little spoon every now and then.

Being, his wife, you got used to his hands on you all the time. You couldn't pass by him without a loud slap on the ass or a kiss on the head.

He loves to kiss your collarbone and your neck, to leave marks, and hickeys all over. The first time you talked to Robin and Steve after the honeymoon, they were disgusted by the blatantly obvious hickeys covering your neck, collarbone, chest, and under your clothes.

High sex drive, he loves quickies, blow jobs, and fingering you under the table. He loved fucking your throat, watching you struggle to take him as you gag on his cock.

Hair-pulling kink. He pulls your hair while fucking you from behind, pulling your body back to whisper, "my good little slut, taking me so well" into your ear. He loves when you pull his hair too, the first time you did it he audibly moaned. It shocked the both of you.

Never lets you get off alone. He was visibly upset when he found out that you still masturbated when you two were married. He felt that there was no reason to do that when he was always there to help you out. He was offended.

Billy explored many kinks with you as the marriage went forward. He has a daddy kink for sure. This was discovered when you mumbled in during sex and he lost control in like 30 seconds.

Billy likes to think that he's the man of the house, you're his. That's what he tells other people. However, he is absolutely whipped for you. Whatever you need, whatever you want to do, he's right there doing it for you. Whether its eating your out or making dinner.

He can hardly stand in the kitchen cooking with you, he'll get carried away and before you know it, the food is burnt and you've been making out on the couch for an hour.

Car sex is a must, before hanging out with friends, before dinner, before anything, you aren't leaving until he's had his way with you.

//okay i think i'm done, i really hope you liked it!! <3

[boxwinebaddie]

— COULD IT BE????

U-UNCLE NIIINA!!!

IS. THAT.../YOU/? </3

tw for mild body horror, semi-graphic medical talk

*reaches my kenny girl hand up thru the dirt by my grave

& shoots the wink, finger gun, peace sign, wave combo*

HELLOOOO, MY LOVES! />o</ <333

( i'll make a bigger post later; swearsies. )

but where’s uncle nina?...Long Story Short?

i am seriously dreading having to go to the hospital for...the THIRD FUCKING TIME, so my diaHAGnosis hasn't been officially proven,

but trust me...juuuust trust me...

*is somewhere between a laugh, sigh, scream and cry*

i am about 95% sure....

tHAT A CHILD W/ NASTY DISGUSTIN GERM COVERED HANDS GAVE ME

A FUCKING PARASITE!???

wheeeew!~ yayayay! sAuR AwESomE!

i am...having So Much Fun! <3 xx

anyways, in case i croak, just wanted to pop in from the trenches to say a real quick, but quantifiably large and overtly resounding

THANK YOU to...

my rant park girls, ofc, for enduring my britney spears mentie bs in the chat, my psychosis and v obnoxious 'needs to be carried thru life' complaining/suffering on the reg ( i cried every single day for the past...almost week? because of how scared and sad i’ve been. ;-; )

anyone who sent me an in character/headcannon/plot question the past couple of days bc, other than the girlies, it was the only source of real joy and enrichment i have felt while being scared...for my life. thank...you. Seriously. like y'all still care abt my fic? wowza!! o/u/o

( regarding memes, soz, they might not super exciting, i’m only doing lil spef HC ones rn & got a lil hyperfixated on rae, so i am doing that one abt his height / fave fruit.

<333 my lovely emo fruit salad celebpretty boy. c: )

BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, i just wanted to say thank you to ANYONE WHO EXPRESSED CONCERN ABOUT MY WELL BEING OR SAID THEY MISSED ME OR WERE WORRIED ABOUT ME!!!!

'cause haha!!! you were NOT wrong, concern was not misplaced at all! I HATE THIS SCARY NIGHTMARE FUEL CHILDREN CONTAGION! :(

istg, my face has swollen up shrunken down, been every color, the pressure in my ears and nose and face is so bad that i feel like i am i an airplane rn....in my bedroom, every er dr. told me i had a sunburn and was an idiot, like actually king, i am green not red! get a real job!

siiiiiiiiigh...i just...:c i’ve never felt weaker, more miserable, more afraid, more UGLY and more lost in my entire life...

but i am grateful to have been found by readers and human beings as lovely as yourselves. i miss you. i love you. i'll try to be in touch as much as i can, but it will be touch and go, my body is a body bag rn :/

thank you for fighting the good fight, my darlings. whatever you are going through, KEEP FUCKING GOING. this is not the end. you are so much stronger than things that want to make you weak.

( i'm not very good at practicing what i preach, but ngl, kinda sick, literally, but i have basically been my own emergency makeshift whumpshot this past week and it has been gNARLY. like i have been...very scared. lmao. i am...still scared, but i'm gonna be okay. )

ANYWAYS ALL THIS TO SAY:

from what hurts or harms you,

past, present and future....

I HOPE YOU HEAL.

-sickfic body horror whumple nina <3

[panelshowsource]

ok i finally listened and i watched taskmaster nz series 2...8 times

and i'm ready to offer my reaction & thoughts but please understand this is over 3000 words (which means it is too long to proofread) and it is so bc i do not know how to be concise but also bc i decided to a PROPER brain dump so if you like reading this kind of thing enjoy and if you don't do not click keep reading!!!

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS WORD VOMIT INCOMING

i KNOW what i said. i KNOW i said i'd kinda watched s1 of taskmaster nz and it was okay and jeremy and paul were okay and guy william's outfit scarred me for life but all in all it was okay, and i can't say nz humour (which, and i stand by this, is a bit monotonous) is my fave, and i wasn't that excited about watching international taskmasters in general so i wasn't prioritising it. i know what i said!!!!!!!!!

but

i did what i was told incessantly to do and i watched taskmaster nz series 2. it's...it is. it is what everyone said it is. it's fucking hilarious. it's so good. it's one of it not the example of a perfect cast with perfect energy and synergy and banter and friendship and competition. everyone tried so hard and succeeded and failed in their own hilarious ways. the tasks are half-original, kinda-inspired (if not appropriated), simple even when they're cerebral, and very core-of-taskmaster-y. CHEF'S KISS — by tm nz standards

i watched the entire series...8 times? i have A LOT of opinions and i wasn't gonna get into all of them because i don't love to debate and am scared of being roasted lmao, but i'm being brave!!

BUCKLE UP FOR MY BRAIN

➜ imo there is no standout contestant, it's a matter of taste and they're GREAT, but all in all i think the season wouldn't have a single chance of being what it was — in its total chaos, moments of innocence, moments of genuine friendship — without david correos, who was more or less the heart of the season. it's very obvious and very cute he is friends with paul, laura, and guy irl (guy mentioned their team is actually in an improv group together he's very close to laura and presumably david), and real-life friendships bring out a series panel's comfortable dynamic much faster than if they're meeting for the first time. and on that note —

➜ as much as i enjoy non-comedians on the show, especially when they're people i really like, the cold hard truth is that the very very very best series of taskmaster are comedian-only lineups. pls do not come into my inbox rn with your recency bias and yell about s16 this is a dead serious, studied fact: series 1, 2, 4, 5, 7, 9 (i am excluding recent-ish series because legacy takes time to establish itself but imo 12–14 were very strong) being the epitome of tm, it's not a coincidence these lineups are more or less ALL standup comedians (richard osman gets a pass for producing cats does countdown and being, arguably, the ultimate comedy superfan). a big reason for this is that non-comedians — and they almost always admit this, in interviews or on the podcast — are very aware that they're out of their element, are the odd ones out, feel the additional responsibility of having to find their place and suss out the dynamic and be funny and fit in. sometimes they're not really that funny and it is what it is (and it's the show's job to edit them and encourage them in a way that will = entertainment; they know what they're signing up for, or the risk of them not fitting in well, when they cast these people). other times, it's not that they're not funny or capable, but that these overwhelming feelings hold them back: they don't pipe up, they don't speak when it's not their turn, they don't challenge greg or the other contestants, they don't fight, they don't tease. yes, when it's their turns to speak, they're often silly and fun, and when they do the tasks, they're often silly and fun, but they just don't hit their comedic potential — because they don't know how or they don't let themselves try. very understandable! it's very intimidating being on TASKMASTER with PROFESSIONAL FUNNY PEOPLE including GREG AND ALEX who are LEGENDS. but the best thing about comedian contestants other than their comedy is that they want spotlight and they want to be the centres of attention and they will take risks, so they (usually) make the most of their time, whether it's the recorded tasks or in the studio. THE POINT, IF I MAY BRING IT BACK, BEING TASKMASTER NZ SERIES 2 — matt heath not being a standup but being 1) an extrovert, 2) your standard entertainment industry attention seeker, and 3) very good friends with jeremy means we didn't get these obstacles from him. if anything, he was more relaxed and game than everyone else in the room at the start of episode 1 because he is already in the accepted graces of the literal taskmaster. he tried really hard, he fought hard, he teased hard, he laughed a lot. i get that being a funny guy radio dj may not seem that different to being a comedian, but it is, and he was SO good! —and every contestant who is a friend of a taskmaster is always good, that's another studied conclusion

➜ why was david naked all the time lmfaooo body positive KING his haircut is also adorable. speaking of a lack of clothes guy's shorts length was lovely for the eyes

➜ momentary disgression: i'm SO interested in the story david told on the podcast about russell howard going to one of his shows and then, like, immediately leaving as fast as possible when it was over because he cringed to death or was scandalised or something—imo it wasn't very clear just what david was implying russell said/felt and i'm really curious. if anyone has insight into this pls send it to me

➜ i don't think jeremy or paul get much better than season 1 and ultimately they're both just okay, and they will always be what holds tm nz back from reaching tm uk-levels of god-tier tm. i know a lot of people will like paul because he's attractive and he is friends with rose (and others) and from time to time he is amusing. sometimes that's all it takes, and if that's all it takes for you, that is well and nice. but...personally...i can't get over how QUIET paul is...alex isn't half as quiet as paul, very often asking questions throughout the tasks and making little passive-aggressive comments at someone's effort or even just looking at the camera...paul is so often just there doing and saying absolutely nothing, EVEN when he's involved in the task, and a healthy 60% of the time he's asked a question he does a very forced deadpan "okay" that just...like it's not funny — it doesn't hit that comedic beat — after the first hundred times. he may just not be a lightning quick improv kinda guy, and i think the inherent one-dimensionalness of his character hinders him, but idk he could offer SO much more during the tasks, especially when he already has a good irl dynamic with so many of them. there are times, during the tasks, he could just not be there. i also don't necessarily understand his character in that during the tasks he's exceptionally shy/reserved to the point of being mostly silent but then in the studio will pipe up and act "normal" in a way that seems like the real paul and not the character paul. idk. i just think...why isn't he more present and also more consistent. (and i'm gonna say something controversial here but i also watched guy mont spelling bee and paul was not very funny on that — again, quiet — and i think the truth is he might be a little boring at times. i said it. im sorry to everyone :() i think this is a common criticism of jeremy but i will agree that, while i do like him especially when he actually lets himself be silly and banter-y, it is BEYOND ME how he just flies through the prize tasks and the scoring. the prize task is practically show and tell with no comment at all from jeremy instead of a dialogue between the contestants and the taskmaster, and then half the time jeremy doesn't explain his scoring for anything. often i'm left thinking "how could someone show up with this bone-shakingly good prize and jeremy just nods and smiles and goes 'okay who's next'?" and maybe it's not jeremy, maybe it's the editors, but it drives me INSANE when that happens. greg would spend the whole hour going over the prize tasks if he could, just cuz he loves the banter and ragging on people — and the show is noticeably weaker when the banter is lost. hence my issue with, to bring it back around, banter-avoidant paul. (also sorry if it's annoying when i compare taksmaster uk and taskmaster nz, i don't mean to do it tooooo much but it's unavoidable at times, pls understand...) (also, i'm saying all of this without even commenting on the actual dynamic between the taskmaster and his assistant, but i'm not gonna touch that — despite the fact the greg/alex dynamic is the heart of tm and what every single contestant ever praises most about the show.) SO i do think the series having matt for jeremy and david (at least) for paul did help encourage them in being funnier than they may have been otherwise. (was guy williams being on series 1 why paul was..idk...like he was...on series 1? i also recently learned a lot of people don't like guy williams lmao very interesting...)

➜ it's hilarious to me that jeremy is OBSESSED with sports and greg LOATHES sports (except the darts lmfao)

➜ ngl i have always wondered why taskmaster uk didn't use their increased budget to do, like, 10% more landscaping — i get not wanting to make the place look TOO manicured but would it really kill them to just fix the cracks in the driveway? idk — but then i watch nz and do feel like it's a little too much of a set hahahah but i like the outdoors they really have a nice big yard to play in (the sewage ("legally it's not ☝️") pond is a choice tho...)

➜ i read about 100 reddit threads about te reo māori, how prevalent it is in school and culture, how many people speak it or even want to speak it, its roots, its appropriations — and the majority of new zealanders said they don't really care about it, it's not actual practical in the way chinese or german or whatever is, they don't think it should be mandatory in schools over other languages, etc. i found these reactions 1) mildly suspicious but idk how conservative the nz sub is but also 2) really surprising! BECAUSE there is WAY more te reo in the every day language of, at least, the new zealand convo i have witnessed on a few nz panel shows than i think they realise. the ones i've heard the most are a few different greeting lines to open episodes, pākehā, whanau, and kai, but there are TONS of te reo words and phrases sprinkled into everyday language and i felt like i was googling so much (even if the meanings were relatively obvious from the contexts). very interesting! off the back of that i had absolutely no idea people in new zealand said "en zed" to refer to nz in any capacity but it makes sense i just never thought about it before

➜ something i adored about the series — that we see less and less of each series from series 1 of tm uk — is editing in reactions from the panel in the studio while they're watching the task vt. it's HILARIOUS watching, say, tm uk s1 and seeing romesh smacking tim on the back, josh pointing fingers, roisin with her hands in her head, etc in real time as they're watching the tasks for the first time. editing this way also helps express the group friendship and harmony, which is so important to a successful season. tm uk NEVER does this anymore and it's one of my biggest criticisms of the show — but this series of tm nz did it so much and it was HILARIOUS watching the panel falling all over each other laughing at everything. they're so goofy

➜ the fake paul with the moustache was, in fact, a dish, whoever he is congrats on being hot

➜ very random moments i liked:

"you think she's doing great things for women in those boots? 🤨💅"

it was so underrated that guy's idea to transform a room was to turn it into a farm and he had people in animal costumes being sheep or whatever that shit was HILARIOUS

matt ziptying a brush to a helmet to look like an ancient roman cracked me up so hard "husband to a murdered child" ??? smh

when laura was trying to rope the cameramen into american pie-ing her wedding cake and paul went "don't ask them...because one of them WILL do it"

"a tongue kiss with an extra 10%? i'm not sure—" "10% extra, maybe thumb up bum" ????

matt forgetting his hometown and saying "i was born in oxford in england! i forgot… that was fucking ages ago!"

"because david eats something doesn't make it food :|"

"this reminds me of my mother's music group ...i hated every one of those bitches" like?? LMAO i NEED the story behind this comment

"one is south african, one is filipino...but they both like their balls...swiss"

"i'm fairly certain i'm not gonna crush this challenge, but i know at some point you and i are gonna box and/or wrestle, and i'm gonna crush that one"

matt being so serious that his dream animal is a horse

"i probably won’t even need the other food colouring but how good is it not to have paul in the room?"

why was jeremy so into those urinal cakes?? like okay jeremy hmm

every time jeremy and urzila flirted

when paul was convincing laura to go through with the sabotage and they agreed david probably wouldn't fuck over his team but guy definitely would lmfao

"tell me a little about yourself" "i'm paul" "...interesting. i love that about you"

it's hard to top david and guy being actually naked for the tie task but i actually think guy's farmer's tan stole the show

when guy was looking for paul in the rain and said "the irony is if paul was here we could talk about this weather, he loves that sort of shit" LMAO

urzila being the ghost of abe lincoln was actually genius and she deserved more flowers for that lateral thinking

♪im gonna gonna drown you / in your own blood♪ why is that so catchy?? "matt matt run him over like a cat" "david you shouldnt run over cats" but fr during the diss track task when matt said he was gonna eat their asses and also while they were dissing guy matt went "he's good looking though" 💀

in the secret shoelace task david said "i take solace in knowing that everyone else has go through this as well" was like a fucking mirror of the time josh widdicombe did a secret task and was like "i'm not the one who has to watch this five times" hahahaha also when they had so much time to kill paul was just reading the entire story of rumpelstiltskin please

when guy realised, during the milk/microwave task, that he should have listened to paul and like angrily laughed "i'm furious! i'm furious with everyone! this is a disaster!" you don't see that side of him often and it was so funny

➜ regardless of whether these yielded funny results (they did anyways of course), these were most of my favourite ideas for tasks:

transform this room when the lights go out

shoot a chocolate fish into the fishbowl and say the name of a different animal with each shot, most powerful animal wins

create a diss track about the members of the other team

the fucking abe lincoln one

the milk/microwave task (hilarious on both tm nz and tm uk)

also i personally want to play the celebrity name game from that one live task

➜ all in all the series had quite a few very simple tasks — build a tower of onions, squirt the sunscreen, fly, make the loudest noise — and that's something i really cherish and appreciate and feel is at the heart of what taskmaster is all about. i'd say tm nz, being in its baby era, is able to get away with having a lot more simple, straightforward tasks, which are far superior to some of the incredibly convoluted ones we see on tm uk. i see people say alllllll the timeeeeeee "it's not the tasks that matter it's how to contestants react to them + the editing" but i do not agree — plenty of tasks are duds because they are duds and not because everyone else failed to find the entertainment value in them. i would love to see tm uk work harder to bring the tasks back down in scale and convolution bc tm nz has been able to come up with quite a few that have never been done before so i know they can too

➜ something else this series does VERY well is little morsels on top of the established format: laura's sabotage, the brussell sprouts that kept floating throughout other tasks and then appear in another task!!!, paul and david's trip to christchurch, laura rounding up their girlfriends, the shoelace secret task, paul lying and fucking with the magnet, the crew "accidentally" (though i do believe it was an accident idk if we'll ever know) turning the lights off on david, even the abe lincoln task that took place outside of the taskmaster ranch — all of these things contributed to the format being more than just task/score, task/score, task/score. they felt like little cherries on top, extra content, at times extra suspense. felt like every episode had something a little extra funny in this way. very impressed by this stuff!

➜ task complaints:

alex has talked before about one of the central concerns of post-production being the ordering of the tasks and particularly choosing the very first task they show, which sets the stage for the panel. i actually feel like this series didn't do a good job in choosing their very first task, which surprises me bc that seems like an easy thing to get right with this series' group + task lineup. not a big deal but something to consider!

in the live task when they had to choose a weapon and half something (which i LOVE the idea of), it bothered me that they didn't measure by percentage and instead by actual kilo

is it just me or does tm nz feel like it sends a LOT of balloons into the air? have they ever specifically confirmed they retrieve all of the balloons they let go? ngl the amount of balloons they send off + the amount of food waste can sometimes be distracting

the piggy bank live task was totally fucked like the length of time it look paul to get the pictures of the piggies to jeremy was ridiculous and heavily disadvantaged everyone — and they didn't even show us all the piggie drawings????? HELLO I WANNA SEE THE PIGGIES??

jeremy giving guy's new zealand pillow 3 points was the worst scoring decision of the series

frankly it was GROSS when david sucked all of the room temperature tomato juice cans. but one thing i've noticed is — it may be a me problem? maybe an american problem bc we don't eat beans the way brits do? do nzers eat beans on toast? anyways — when it comes to people licking/eating cold/room temp canned goods. because i can name 10 different times i've seen contestants lick baked bean juice or spaghetti hoop sauce off their fingers and i just cannot imagine eating those things in any amount not heated up. cold bean juice? BLEGH

okay i'll wrap this up now because i wrote an incoherent outline of a thesis on this series but it was FUN as HECK and i'm so happy that funny people get to enjoy the legacy of a fan favourite series (on the tm podcast, guy seemed to take a lot of pride in this when ed mentioned it<3) and i like them all and i wish they would come back and do another 10 episodes. paul if ur reading this make it happen

[babybluebex]

TW TALK OF EATING DISORDER, BAD MENTAL HEALTH

so rn i am so incredibly sick and this is NOT how i imagined ringing in the new year, and i’ve been up all night being ill, so i don’t have a lot of the energy i wish i did, but i did just want to extend a great big huge thank you to everybody who reads this. the first half of 2022 was pretty usual: i cycled through celebrities i would read and write for, not sticking to any one for too long; my mental health was bad; i had relapsed in my bulimia i was stuck in a school i hate and a job i hated even more; and overall it was looking like the year would be typical.

and then joe happened. and you guys happened.

for as much as i love and adore joseph (and he has changed my life as well in his own special way, don’t get me wrong), you guys, my friends, my followers, have changed it even more. when i first started writing for eddie in june, i had just under 3k followers. i remember a night where i cried to my sister soph about feeling burnt out and like i hated writing and wanted to quit, and i took a brief week hiatus to try to sort myself out. it was during this hiatus that i decided to watch stranger things— i had watched the first season way back when it came out, but i hadn’t bothered to watch anymore of it, but i had heard how good s4 was, so i took a chance on it. i watched it and fell in love with the universe. i was already starting to write a robin fic by the time i started s4, and then eddie came into my life.

my first eddie fic was terrible and i’ll never post it bc it was very self indulgent and frankly just Bad (also included a lot of personal details that i can’t just edit out lol), but the first fic i posted was called mighty protector. i continued to post little by little, gaining more and more followers and finding new and exciting friends, until the big one hit, pretty metal. i literally took the day off of work to watch it gain notes and numbers. there was a day where i gained 100 followers in a single day, and i was so excited for it. your interactions saved me. your interactions, every keysmash and excited message to my inbox saved me. it renewed my love of writing and i am forever thankful.

all of this to say, i’m so… thankful isn’t the right word. it’s not strong enough for what i feel. i love everybody that helped make this year special. if i could name each 13k of you, i would, but tumblr only lets me tag about 100 people at a time iirc, so just know that, if you’re reading this, you mean so much to me. i love you guys.

i’m tagging some people who made 2022 such a special year for me, but know how much i love each and every one of you. see in 2023 (hopefully when i’m less sick lmao).

@mypoisonedvine @earlgreydream @king-keery @hellfiremunsonn @lost-in-sokovia @ceriseheaven @bowerquinn @bowersbubbles @topthagomizer @usedtobecooler @lunatictardis @moonlit-void-to-the-far-unknown @icallhimjoey @lilacletter @punk-in-docs

[doueverwonder]

Ok so GerAmeLietIta really intrigued me. I'd love to get a better feel for them, can you give us some headcanons or scenarios?

ABSOLUTELY

So anyway, in an rp I have as a side plot (yes you heard me this isn’t even the main plot of the story), but i think it can be kinda universially applied to how they got together.

we had AmeLiet and GerIta, Al and Tolys are married and I don’t even remember Ludwig and Feli’s relationship status but they were together.

anyway; along the way Alfred is like “haha yeah, I had a crush on Ludwig way back in the day” and someone (cough France cough) is like “used to??? USED TO???” bc apparently Al’s crush on Lutz is evident to this day. blah blah blah argument where Al is basically like “I can’t have a crush on someone else, I’m married and I adore the person I’m married too!!” And François goes “PLEASE I’ve been betting on you being polyam for YEARS”

it gets dropped for a few months until; Alfred holds his Christmas party everyone is more than a few drinks in and François can’t help but tell Ludwig about Alfred’s crush.

Alfred spends a few weeks freaking out, and even getting to the point where he tells Tolys about his century old crush. followed by a spurt of “maybe Ludwig was too drunk to remember what François said, maybe it’s fine”

another months or so passes: Ludwig was not too drunk to remember what was said. He just uh, well, he didn’t know what to say. Especially considering he was dealing with the same situation…

eventually Al and Lutz end up on a phone call, for four hours. Talking about the elephant in the room.

After talking to Tolys and Feliciano about it they end up on a date of sorts, all four of them. It's cordial and awkward, until Tolys gets tired of dancing around it leans over to Feliciano and they have this exchange "I hear your husband has a crush on mine" "oh! I heard the same about yours!" Al and Ludwig immediatly go beet red, they were not expecting that, it was so funny to rp.

Anywho, some conversation goes by somehow just stating it made everything go from cordial and awkward to casual and not-so-awkward. We find out there was some miscommuntion and uh, well, Feliciano somehow got the idea that they were entering a swingers arangment and was slightly disappointed to find out otherwise :(

skipping random convos; they're walking back to Alfred's house and Feli decides to make a joke about how he was excited to sleep with someone other than Ludwig; while Lutz is busy being (jokingly) offended Tolys gives Alfred a Look(TM) and they have this whisper convo

A: Are you serious?

L: I won't unless you're okay with it.

A: I guess I don't care?

L: you have to straight out say it's okay or I won't do anything.

A: Yes, it's fine. I really don't mind.

L: you sound hesitant

A: I'm not! I'm surprised! who are you and what have you done with my timid husband???

(heads I am not going through every single convo even if it is technically important)

So, Feliciano and Tolys end up, y'know. Alfred and Ludwig however end up sitting in the living room with their romantic tension, they talk and at some point play chess. It’s lovely.

so anyway, after that the dynamic goes AmeLiet and GerIta are in their original marriages still, Ludwig & Al are dating, Ludwig, And Feli are Tolys’ friends with benefits. (Side note that the running joke is Alfred is super ace and kinda aware of it but doesn’t call himself ace solely cause “I don’t have time for more self discovery rn”)

anyway, they all end up in a relationship with the confessions not even being confessions :\ Ludwig accidentally introduces Tolys as his bf once and is just never corrected. Alfred and Feli just simultaneously start referencing each other as being “my partner” (Feliciano is actually enby no I don’t make the rules). The only actual confession (disregarding GerAme) is LietIta :\\\ it’s very dramatic and comedic they’re standing by a pond under moonlight Feli is like “I have fallen for you, our love shall endure the ages, people will sing of it” “what about Alfred and Ludwig?” “Fuck I forgot about them”

anyway they’re goofy I love them, their favorite movie is 50 first dates they watch it together all the time :)

[h5eavenly]

oh i’m about to talk your ear off 😭 i always feel funny sending something so detailed bc i don’t want to be annoying.

when i first found carousel, i (admittedly) scrolled by because i’m afraid of abandoned stories, but it peaked my interest every single time. once i finally started, i was in deep. i would be so excited when you’d update while i was at work, i’d tell my coworkers to stop talking to me because i needed to read immediately 😭 i gave my work bestie the full rundown and when the bet came out, she said “omg so he knows about the bet now??” like she was in there with me lol

i wish i could include screenshots of my discord messages where i am going crazy over certain lines you’ve written. i found one from when yeji came to yn’s house about the bet and i had read the last lines first bc you said it get your tissues (and i have anxiety lmfao) and i said “THE BOMB HAS EXPLODED”

actually i’m going to include the screenshot following the moon and sun analogy.

because when i tell you i think about it EVERYDAY. on the fourteenth it was another written part and i once again quoted your sun and moon (is it obvious i love them very much⁉️) and i said even if i don’t directly relate to what’s going on between hyunyn, it feels like i’m reading about myself sometimes. i see myself in the cracks of hyunjin, in the despair of yn. to long for someone so deeply and have ruined it yourself. i proceeded to tell my friend how heart breaking that part felt for me and he asked if he should leave me alone. and i said not if you don’t mind broken company. if that doesn’t feel like hyunyn, idk what does.

baby i have even told my mom how much i love this story 😭 i am down horrendous for you and your writing. if i could kiss every part of your brain and heal you from anything that pains you, i would‼️

oh pls do theres nothing i love more than ppl talking my ear off trust me im a good listener :D

omg stop i love that you were literally reading during work and the fact that you got ppl who dont even know it exists invested? omg thats so funny and wholesome fsjdpa

pleasee the ss :(( i wouldnt put you through hell only to give you a sad ending im a little bit of a sadist but not quite evil yet and omg i remember you telling me a few times about how you relate to some lines or some thoughts yn has about herself and although a lot of them are painful and sad i believe theres certain comfort in feeling you're seen and in your pain being understood so thats amazing. Reading this made me so giddy im smiling so fucking big rn and the fact that your mom knows carousel?? THATS CRAZY :(( if i could heal anything that pains you as well believe me i would <3

[webslingingslasher]

“hey, i might not wait til marriage but you are and that's fucking cool”🥹🥹🥹 this is so cute and made me feel so good AHHH <3

okay I need to SPILL.

first I wanna say i know this isn’t a big deal and when I eventually talk to him about it, he’ll be reassuring but I’m freaking out first and i wanna talk to the girlies first instead, but I do feel like I can tell him (bc if u can’t talk ab these things w someone, you shouldn’t have sex w them in the first place)

but bro I am FREAKING out HDNDNDND. we’ve been looking at rings. he hasn’t proposed because he said he still wants me to be surprised and stuff but we got carried away talking one night and he let it slip that he wants to marry me and somehow we started looking at rings. we went to a couple shops just to get general ideas bc I have no idea what I want!!

ANYWAYS. I was super excited and I had a full blown freak out earlier😀 I’ve been waiting til marriage my whole life (I’m 23) but he hasn’t, he had multiple sexual partners in high school and college and a couple before he met me. I was just thinking ab our future wedding night bc it’s getting super real now and I don’t think it’ll be that far in the future and I was like omfg. this whole wait and it’ll be over in one night. like “that’s so exciting, FINALLY” type thing bc the wait has been hard😭 I’m just a girl and he’s soodkdjdkskskksskso sexy😭

and then I was like…. It’s all over in one night

and I was like, wait. I’m a virgin virgin. he isn’t. even just fingering/head (which I literally cannot WAIT for😭) is gonna be new bc I’ve never had another guys fingers in me and whatever. and I’m not nervous at all, I’m so excited, I’ve waited so long as u can imagine JDJDKDK but I was like realistically, it’ll probably be overwhelming. and then ur meant to do everything in one go? even in most ‘normal’ relationships where people aren’t waiting till marriage, you don’t usually go from 0-100 in a single night😭 that’s kinda insane. like ‘oh you’ve only kissed a boy? well here is literally everything under the sun!”

and I think I just realised today, for the first time, that maybe that wont realistically be what I want. like doing some things and then the rest after. like we’re gonna be married forever (that’s the plan😭) so we have all this time to go it yk. not that I’d necessarily wanna wait super long after we’re married, but I just feel kinda… bad. like, he’s waited this whole time, just for me. imagine we get married and he’s super excited to finally get to hit and in like “actually……..🤣”

idk. I just feel a little alone because even the religious/non-religious ppl I know (who decided to wait just because), none of them felt this way. they were so ready to just jump in and start boning (as they should bc the wait hasn’t been easy😭) but idk I feel… idk. I feel like that might not be me, like I feel like I might need a little more time just to get used to like, everything in reality yk. bc it’s all fun and games saying it rn but I realised earlier, when I started really thinking about it, that I haven’t done anything and realistically, even ppl that don’t wsit need more time yk.

he obviously won’t make me feel bad for this either, he’s not a monster & he’s very understanding but I’m just spiralling.

this might not even be a problem, realistically the second we’re married I might not even make it to the after party and just be like “dick in me now pls” but… ifkdjdjddjdjw

I’m thinking too much lol. I’ve waited 23 years and it’s so real now that my mind is spinning. I’m sorry for the ramble but thank u for listening & for the girlie talk JDJDJDX💗💗💗💗💗💗 i love u so much

(I am sooo ready to get married tho😭💗)

i am so happy for you both!!! i really wish you the best of luck!

i think him being experianced will help out so much in the long run, but girl, there's nothing to worry about! if he's waited this long, what's a little more? like you said, you may change your mind but you said you wanted to wait until marriage. so i'm with you, why does it have to be your wedding night?

it sounds like he's going at your pace and he's in no rush to bed you either. you already know you're gonna talk to him about this so kudos! and coming from me, it sounds like you're ready for sex and that's awesome.

you're excited and that's the most important. (after loving and trusting your man.) trust me, it'll be worth the wait and i can't wait to hear about the proposal!

[isa-ghost]

Reading your journal thing rn and damn that's a ride XD

Was curious at "figure out a communication method that my skepticism can’t debunk" and honestly should've guessed that it'll end up being tarot, these little shits (affectionate) never fail to feel me called the fuck out lmao. A pendulum was my guess tbh (pendulum & dice were my first tools)

But also, damn Leviathan & Michael? - you're in very good hands. (the rest likely too, just no experience with them). Think... healing, recovery, shadow work, trauma work... Both of course have different approaches, but when they intend to help you get better, they mean it.

And your response to my ask - yeah, I tend to be drawn to the ones that feel like powerful friends as well, rather than the ones that expect me to walk on eggshells and overthink every action... imo that makes things a lot less stressful.

"He loves slapping me with my Spotify playlist" - Leviathan used to do that to me lmao. Me: trying to chill. Leviathan: okay but what if we think about *growth* instead??

Honestly, everything you're saying sounds promising and you sound excited :3

Heard only good things about Apollo tbh, but don't know much personally, I'm more familiar with demons ;) - A

YES I was so hesitant to use a pendulum at first because it's easy to go "no that was me moving. No it was already swinging like that. No the fan blew on it and made it move. Etc." I still often ask questions twice or even three times to confirm the answer is legit and I make sure the pendulum is absolutely still before I ask a question, so that any movement is Definitely An Answer after. Tarot, however, doesn't lie, and WOWIE do Apollo and Levi love to go for the throat. It's very funny.

Last night before Leviathan was like "yeah I scratched you, L. Anyway put Ashton on the mic I want him dead rn," I was doing a reading with Apollo because I'd seen a crow while I was out, which usually means "Isa I have words." And he basically came outta nowhere with 4 cards that were basically like "take a wellness break, all your major obligations are dealt with, things at home are peaceful, you're doing great sweetie." And I was bewildered bc he'd made it sound like I was super stressed out but I really wasn't.

I was scrambling and probably overthinking that he was referring to something specific when he was just speaking generally, but when I asked him if it was just a plain message with the pendulum, its movement was basically the spiritual equivalent of him going "EEEHsorta? ... You'll figure it out later."

Leviathan hasn't personally obliterated me with anything but literal Lake Michigan waves yet, but he basically turned my friend Ashton into soup last night, so I know I'm definitely in good hands and whenever he DOES have a tarot message for me, I'm lovingly dead meat. I always joke that he's my Paranormal Activity Demon, he claimed me as a baby and he'll fuck up anyone who touches his blorbo.

Michael is probably the third most present entity of the five, despite him lurking rather than working with me. My sister is,,, Desperately In Need Of Therapy and refuses to get it, so she's A Lot /Neg. I'd confidently say she's verbally/emotionally abusive to me, let's just say that. And Michael gets very defensive of me about it. He got into it more in that reading I mentioned about Family Matters in the post. He's also been like "Its ok bestie I got you" while I've been in churches for weddings and whatnot.

Ceridwen has had a single message for me, which was basically "hey dummy, start talking to Levi and I more, I know you're only confident in talking to Apollo but you gotta talk to us in order to get that far too." And this poor woman. I was misunderstanding the cards so hard, I ended up pulling like 6 more cards and asking questions that all got progressively more exasperated "NO"s. Like mom I am so sorry, I'm a huge dumbass omg. So eventually I gave up and talked to the friend who found out these 4 were around me in the first place bc she was the first one to start working with Ceridwen, and right away she was like "yeah no you were overthinking so hard, she meant this." I have yet to get anything else from her, but our group has gotten to the point where if more than one of us works with a certain entity (nearly all of us work with Apollo. After he picked me, he went on his "actually I want this whole server" arc, which is funny bc we're all art kids and that's His Thing. Multiple of us work with angels, Morrigan, Ceridwen, Thor, Aphrodite, Athena, and Asmodeus, just to name a few), we can ask the others to help discern what the entity is trying to tell us if we can't figure it out for ourselves.

Morrigan hasn't said anything to me directly Or through other friends yet. Which tbh is on brand for her I think, she's probably the most intimidating entity present in the server. Has big Disciplinarian Stern Mom Woman Of Her Word energy. She said she'd lurk and she meant it, whereas Michael lurks but he'll be like "heeeyy :>"

Overall I Definitely feel like I'm in good hands. I've looked up symbols for all of them, so when I'm out of the house there's a high chance at least one of them (usually Apollo) makes me laugh because I see something and I'm like "REALLY DUDE?" They're all really good at making it known they're here.

[astudyincontrasts]

Here’s a little confession for you, study <3

I used to read x reader fics as a kid (probs at 10-12?) but since it isn’t very acceptable even in some fandom spaces, I stopped. When I found your writing, I still felt a little weird about it and almost ashamed? But your writing has given me back the joy I felt as a kid reading silly x reader Naruto fics in the best of ways???

Like. I remember reading Penance for the first time, and pressing to get notifications whenever you post to keep track of your writing? And seeing the “study has posted ‘Penance - Chapter 10’” gave me so much joy. I can’t even express it with words. Seeing you post anything, writing or not, just makes me so happy. <3

And today I was rereading some old Penance asks, and my dad asked what I was grinning about and I just dismissed him but he said something along the lines of “it’s nice to see you smile, anyway.” I know your writing isn’t, like, the cure to depression (actually it might be), but. Just. Finding such joy in reading again after years of not doing so, and after years of depression,,,,,,,,,,,,,, girl (gender neutral) do you understand the power you hold?

I’m just rambling but I wanted you to know that your writing literally changed my life for the better. <3 I hope you’re well and I’m sending you all the best <3

you come to my house, you make me cry my own tears?? ?

wh

No sorry you get back here RIGHT NOW and get hugged for like three straight hours. IMMEDIATELY RIGHT NOW GET BETWEEN THESE ARMS OR SO HELP ME

Fuck. You got me good, fam. I’m a little shaky-handed emotional rn. This is such a sweet thing to come tell me, and more than feeling proud that you liked my work, I’m proud of you for finding that spark of joy in your life again, for smiling and being excited and sharing in the world. Thank you for this and for being so incredibly lovely 🖤

When it comes to x reader fics I’ll be honest with you, I never wrote a single one in the many many years I’ve been writing. I took a very long hiatus from tumblr and writing after the porn ban gutted my friend group on here and Arcane kinda dragged me back to tumblr after I fell in love with it. I wanted to start writing again after devouring Gaybybirth’s entire Viktor library and when I took a look at the landscape of fic writing, x readers were literally all I saw, so I figured what the hell, that’s the popular format now I might as well. I get the appeal of it too; you can more easily slip yourself into the story and enjoy the canon character you want to bang without having to wrestle with someone else’s OC standing between you and your beloved blorbo. I’m not sure it’s the best format for my work but I enjoy it and so far it’s been loads of fun to play with. I’m definitely shifting slowly, moving away from y/n use which tbh feels kind of childish and awkward and interrupts the flow, and more toward first person perspective OC vibes that people can still feel comfortable reading as themselves.

None of that matters though. What matters is how I’m going to be thinking about this sweet, wonderful message for a very long time, and how happy I am that something I made could mean so much to you. “It’s nice to see you smile” … that’s a pretty awesome power, but I think it also belongs to you 🖤🖤🖤🖤

[comphet-critical]

hello, i’ve been confused about my orientation for a while? i’m pretty sure i’m probably just bisexual with a lean towards women or am febfem, but idk bc there are some things really confusing me. please feel free to immediately delete this if this is too much information, and i won’t message this blog again.

i was exposed to porn really young, like single digits young. in the past i’ve gotten off to straight porn, lesbian porn, gay porn (briefly), porn of women by themselves, trans porn. rn i feel wrong and uncomfortable whenever i watch anything that doesn’t have a woman in it, but i seem to be aroused sometimes by male stimuli. at the same time, the arousal doesn’t feel pleasurable when it’s triggered by a man, as i don’t have a desire to engage sexually with a man beyond intrusive thoughts that make my distress and confusion worse. i’ve wondered if these intrusive thoughts are just repressed ones. i’ve tried to relax, be mindful, and tell myself that it’s ok to be attracted to men. i sometimes view solo male porn so that i can check my responses to it, and sometimes i even try to masturbate to it to see if i’ll get anywhere. sometimes i feel arousal, again, accompanied by repulsion or emptiness, and then a plateau where my body is like “i cannot do this.” i think the arousal is mostly phallic? the repulsion generally goes away if i think of/look at women with straps instead, but then my brain does internally homophobic thing where it’s like “well if you like strap you like dick 🤨” which is not actually true.

at the same time, literally yesterday (after masturbating to women for a while) i did my checking thing in the midst of it, and i viewed two solo male gifs and were able to orgasm to them. it felt very hollow, almost detached. i remember just lying down and staring off into space. i even considered texting one of my friends to tell them that i was probably a heterosexual, just a really fucked up one. but i didn’t do that because i know i was in the midst of being very obsessive. just a couple of days ago i did a similar thing with my friends, except i was thinking i was a lesbian. and then i did the same thing except with IDing as bisexual. it just never ends.

i guess i’m afraid of being bisexual? it just doesn’t make sense to me because although i have these weird aroused spikes, the “desire” piece is nonexistent when it comes to men. i used to have “crushes” on boys, but if i’m being real i don’t think i’ve ever had an actual crush on anybody in my life, i just have wanted to be people’s friends + i’m predisposed to anxiety, so any interest i have in anybody can resemble a “crush.” i get nervous, it’s hard to talk to other people, i overthink everything i say. lol. so i assumed when i felt the same way in relation to the opposite sex, it had to be a crush, right? i’d never pursue it romantically or sexually, and i found myself fulfilled just talking and building a friendship with guys. as i’ve grown older, i’ve generated an easy sort of back and forth with men as well — because there’s no desire and i tend to have interests that have large male audiences, it’s not really hard to talk to or engage with them. i’ve never regretted not pursuing a man. i have regretted not pursuing women, or not healing enough to be in a healthy relationship with women.

i think something that also tangles things up here is i think i legit have some sort of penis envy 💀 (mostly joking). like it turns me on to think of myself having a penis, and i also get upset at the fact that i’ll never know what it feels like to have one and be pleasured that way. pleasuring other women that way is possible bc of straps (and fingering) obviously, which fulfills me in one aspect and i’m excited for if i find a partner who enjoys penetration. but idk, that doesn’t explain the arousal towards certain guys. idk.

i also haven’t noticed these “pulses” of arousal for men before the past two months of my life. i recently stopped SSRIs, so that might be doing something. idk if it’s a rather mild case of persistent genital arousal disorder, or simply attraction making itself known. all i know is the arousal only feels good/natural if i recognize it as being triggered by a woman. i’m also able to engage with men normally, and i do appreciate platonic friendships with men. additionally, i’ve noticed that, in general, i’ll admit that i generally don’t know what is actually causing my bouts of arousal (and it’s also wildly inconsistent) which goes from annoying to completely terrifying.

anyways this is a lot of rambling only for me to probably just be a bisexual (idrc about the Kinsey scale, i feel like personally it’ll just give me a headache). do you have any tips on accepting yourself as a bisexual? my entire being is trying to reject it, it feels so wrong and bad. even the label febfem just does not feel right. i resonate so much more with the lesbian label for whatever reason, but that doesn’t make me a lesbian. genuinely though, no hate to bisexual people. i think the sexuality is cool, and i like to see how different people express their bisexuality and how they’re proud of it. it just somehow doesn’t feel right for me. sorry for being so long-winded.

you need to stop watching porn for months, then revisit this topic. i think it’s distorted your views on sex, not your sexuality.