#called ‘for a rainy day’ and it’s just screenshots of people being kind to me lmao

[padfootastic]

Hey! Love your content and asks. Can I ask what the ppb tag you use is for?

:o

hehehe why did i think no one would notice that lmao

ppb is ‘pen’s paper bag’ and i use it to track all the nice things people say to me. reference to a while ago when i used to say ‘i need a paper bag to breathe into’ bc im terrible w compliments and people were saying v overwhelmingly nice stuff to me 💀💀

[undercoverpena]

Hey there, I truly admire your openness about your anxiety, and I was wondering if you could offer any tips or techniques that have helped you, especially in the context of being active on this platform. Love your work!

tw: anxiety

hi anon! thank you so much, that's really nice of you. i deffo think i could be more open about it, but it's nice that I've been able to be open enough for you to reach out. i'm sorry it took me a day or two to get back to you, i just wanted to make sure i thought up/over things so i was being as helpful as possible! it's important for me to stress that my situation and my anxiety isn't going to be like everyone else's, and how i cope with it isn't like the "go to". but here are some things that help me (i am not claiming that any of these i came up):

creating a rainy day folder: bad days are a thing for everyone, but i know what things put me in a "stormier" frame of mind, and what i'm critical about. so, when things make me smile (comments, nice reblogs, tags, inbox, dms) i screenshot them and pop them in this folder. and when i need an extra boost (or some proof to fire back at my brain that it's wrong) i spend a bit of time in there. as it's me, it's highly organised HA! but, it deffo helps having the folder, and its reminded me, at times, why i love what i do here.

celebrate with cake: i'm a high-functioning person, who has super low self-esteem. for a good portion of my life (an embarrassingly large portion, honestly) good accomplishments were not celebrated. so, now i make a point to celebrate certain things with food (or books, if I'm reading a lot). one thing I've learnt with my anxiety is that it's easy to get into a cycle, and one way of breaking this is to stop and take the time to realise the milestones I've accomplished or how far I've come. just the other day, i took a walk to the shop and grabbed myself a chocolate bar. a year ago, i wouldn't have felt comfortable doing that by myself. and it's important to recognise those achievements when you've had a hard time. i also recommend everyone gets themselves cake when they finish a series (it's the rules, i swear).

learn about yourself: i'm going to be brutally honest and hope this doesn't bite me on the arse, but there are a lot of times i don't really like myself? i don't see the value i offer, i feel like i let people down, etc etc. it used to be worse, and one of the ways that helped me go from every day i didn't like myself to occasionally disliked myself, is by educating myself on me. I've spent a lot of time making myself small to fit in, I've done things others are into so i fit in to the point i wasn't sure who i was. so, when i had a menty-b (the name i call it), i sat with myself and learnt what i liked. music. movies. clothing. passions. hobbies. i have always written, but i wasn't necessarily writing things i loved. so, i changed it. i dated myself (a term lots of people use). i told my husband i was going to spend Friday nights with myself, and i did something i wanted to do. on my own. and in time, that helped with my anxious feelings and my fears about being online. because i spend a lot of time worrying about what people think, but by dating myself i could learn nice things about me - and that way, had things i could tell myself i knew were true: that i'm actually very nice, kind and really funny. it might not making pressing 'post" easier, but i can hold my chin a little higher?

set yourself a goal of happiness: we're all motivated by different things. sometimes, we make a mental goal to ourselves and it becomes blurred and distorted in numbers. but, if your anxiety (like mine) likes to have a thing to measure itself against, choose something that isn't numbers based, but happiness based. did someone tell you this month that your writing/art/gifs made their day? did something you say make them feel better? it's hard, it really is, and i know there will be people reading this and scoffing, but truthfully, one person telling me something i wrote made their day is all a jo really fucking wants. because i'm going to write regardless, it's a choice i make to share it. so, while i gave examples above, that isn't my current goal, but it was a goal i had, and as long as i try to remind myself of that it helps.

which leads me into, try to stay away from the numbers game which i know is hard. but it does nothing for an anxious mind. like, it's a fickle thing. moods change. don't base your worth on a number, you matter far more than it.

accept it's a part of you: this one is more about me, but since you're asking me i thought this is probably allowed. i have a long-term anxiety disorder - which took a long time to get diagnosed - and i have some other little... things that come with that. and for a long time, i felt broken. but, i was reading a self-help book (because your girl loves reading books about brains) and i realised that i have anxiety. it is already part of me. so i need to work with it. anxiety isn\t nice, it's not kind and it's really annoying. but it also makes me empathetic, it makes me care about the work i do (both here and in my day to day life), or makes me compassionate. whether you have it short term or long term, sometimes it's better to accept it's there, acknowledge it, but DON'T FEED IT. have the worries, and then halt them, tell them no. I've found fighting it before I've got the strength doesn't help me. but, waking up, knowing it's there, nodding at it helps keep it in check. this might not make any sense, but, you know.

and finally, the one i'm still working on is: i cannot fix everything and this is fun, so i need to ensure it stays that way for me. which i know isn't really a tip. but it's a good thing to remember. i am one person, it is not on me to check on every single person. it isn't on me to read every single thing. i don't have to engage with things i don't agree with, i don't have to say all my opinions. i can change fandoms. i can not post for a day/week/month. and all i have to do, if i want to, is offer my absolute best. that's it. it's hard. and it's tough to swallow. but sometimes, a jo just needs to be jo.

i am not sure if my rambling has been helpful, but i thought i could list these: plot your fic, find a buddy to talk about things with, surround yourself with good people. but I've said all of these. but the above are things i can do by myself. they are things i can control. and with anxiety, we're all just looking for the things we can manage, and so i based the list in that way. thank you for coming to my jo-talk, i'm going to go hide from being so vulnerable.

[theimperialnuisance]

GETTING TO KNOW THE MUN

NAME: I’m not usually one to give out my real name so Nico is fine :3

NICKNAME: Nico, Kuu, Tiny (some of my tall friends call me that XD)

FACECLAIM: That’s a thing? Do I need one….?

PRONOUNS: She/her or they/them

HEIGHT: 5 ft and a half (and yes, the half is important ;b)

BIRTHDAY: November 12th

AESTHETIC: Oversized sweaters/shirts, rainy days, cozy bookshops/cafes, orchestra music, and cat cuddles <3

LAST SONG YOU LISTENED TO: Kiss me by Sixpence none the richer

FAVOURITE MUSE(S) YOU’VE WRITTEN: oh gosh, I’ve got a few favorites from over the years of writing and roleplaying, the majority being not within the ffxiv universe and just throughout various rp threads and original stories but currently I’d have to say Kien and N’noah are my favorites. Both are my only ffxiv muses (for now) and I love them equally for different reasons! Noah is more of a comfort character for me and Kien is not a typical oc that I have so his personality and backstory gives me a good writing challenge and it’s fun to find lore on Meracydia and make my own hc’s too!

GETTING TO KNOW THE ACCOUNT:

WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO TAKE ON THIS MUSE: the fact that I could create my own character to go through the msq was inspiration enough honestly. I’ve always been someone who love creating characters for games or stories so when my friends roped me in to play ffxiv, Kien just sort of came to life as I began to mess around in the character creation! :3

It also helped that my friends had backstories for their ocs and it gave me the drive to weave my story into theirs so we could have our own canon story together while we went through the main story.  It’s been a lot of fun so far and I’ve met so many wonderful people with wonderful muses so I’m really grateful to my friends for introducing me to this game! <3 (ty always Blaise and Percy!)

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVOURITE ASPECTS OF YOUR CURRENT MUSE: Kien’s ability to observe and adapt—he spent his entire childhood dreaming about far away places so him getting to finally go out and travel the world is a dream come true and he really knows when to slow down and enjoy the moment. As someone who enjoys writing out details, his thought process is really wonderful. As for Noah, it’s her ability to cause trouble…sounds strange, I know, but also all the ways she just creates chaos is so much fun to write out.

WHAT’S YOUR BIGGEST INSPIRATION WHEN IT COMES TO WRITING: Music, for sure. I have a whole playlist of songs, most of them are movie/show and video game OSTs as vocal tracks can sometimes distract me unless the song lyrics have something to do with what I’m writing. I usually just listen to it on shuffle but sometimes I will search for certain songs to help get me in the right mindset for whatever I’m working on.

Bouncing off ideas and head canons with friends and mutuals also helps inspire me too! Though, sometimes if I don’t actively write down what was discussed (especially if it was all plotted out over voice chat or what not), I can sometimes forget the little details or I lose all inspiration to write once I do get a chance to and I have to start all over again…it can be a struggle ( ´∀｀)

I’ve recently found that screenshots can also help me, so I’ll sometimes go into the game and take the screenshots I need for what I want to write and go from there.

FAVOURITE TYPES OF THREADS: I honestly love a lot of different threads. I think my top favorite kind would be the ones where the character is put to the test and you can really dive deeply into who they are as a person. Kind of like “Here’s a situation, now it’s time to see if you’ll sink or swim” I really love character development and seeing what makes an oc tick so anything that can get that ball rolling is right up my ally. I also really enjoy fluff romance threads as I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic myself and I like slice of life every now and then so long as there’s a sort of magical/supernatural aspect to them.

Yay! I finally finished this! Life has been crazy busy for me so this has been in my drafts far too long. I was tagged by @sundered-souls and @bek-sc! I appreciate you both for the tags!

Tagging; @circusredmage @tokki-yue @omgpercabethsummers @sworn-unbeliever @decadentvelvet and anyone else who’d like to! But of course if you’re not comfortable filling this one out I completely understand <3

[the--sad--hatter]

FAQ

I'm answering the most frequently asked questions I get, and offering an explanation to some issues that have arisen.

Here you’ll find answer for a range of questions, from what my stance is on Fic Requests, to what the COA is, to why I’m so flaky. 

If you have a question that isn’t answered here, send it in. 

Q: When will Fics be updated?

A: I don't know. I write whatever, whenever. Could be its updated every day, could be its not updated for months. I'm doing this in my free time, so I don't have to follow a schedule. I do not answer asks about this anymore, as I've answered it so many times, and it says it in my bio.

Q: Can I be on your taglist?

A: I have several Taglists, for different characters/stories, as well as an Everything taglist. You can absolutely be on it, provided that it's not closed.

Q: I sent you a message, but you never replied, why not?

A: Chances are I either never got it, or I haven't got to it yet. If I haven't answered it after a while then you likely either asked a question about Fic updates, or being on Taglists that are closed. I don't answer those.

Q: Why don't you reply to all your comments on your fics?

A: Between private messages, Ao3, and Tumblr comments, I don't have the emotional capability to answer everything anymore. I have pretty bad anxiety, and social interaction confuses me. I have to focus a lot of energy into replying, and it has started taking several hours a day for me to do. I can't keep that up anymore. I read all the comments, and some get screenshotted and kept for rainy days, I deeply appreciate all of them.

Q: I have a personal problem that has nothing to do with fandom or Tumblr, would it be OK to talk to you about it?

A: Absolutely. You can inbox or direct message me and I'll do whatever I can to help, be that giving advice or just lending an ear. I know how important a friendly shoulder can be, and I'll always be there for anyone who needs that from me.

Q: I saw you reblog a post from a known Peadophile/Racist/ Terf/Homophobix/sexist/ user. Did you mean to do that?

A: Absolutely not. If you ever see my reblog or interact with anyone like that, please tell me so I can remove it and block them.

Q: Do you take writing Commissions?

A: I do not. I have a Ko-fi to raise funds for my pupper brothers surgery, but that's not an obligation. I toyed with the idea of offering commissions to those who donated, but since I take requests anyway, it seemed redundant.

And I'm not a skilled enough writer to do commisons for non-fanfic stuff.

Q: I see you post stuff about something called the COA, what's that?

A: The COA is The Council of Authors, another blog I run with @whatcouldgowrong-ohthat & @buckyreaderrecs It's to help other writers get feedback, reblogs and comments on their fics, by all working together as a community.

Q: You don't reblog a lot of other writers stuff, isn't that a bit hypocritical?

A: I do, but I don't read a lot of fanfiction anymore. I find more and more, that I am very easily triggered, by often mundane things. I also don't read OC stuff, due to my problem with names. But I want to support other writers, so um trying to get over my anxiety, and that's why I created the COA.

Q: You talk about your mental health all the time. What's actually wrong with you?

A: I get this question a lot, usually worded a lot less politely.

Borderline Personality Disorder, ADHD, Insomnia, Social Anxiety Disorder, Panic DISORDER and PTSD. In the past I suffered from Paranoid delusions and dissociative amnesia.

I've been receiving mental health support for these since I was 5 years old, from medication and therapy, to hospitalisation. Currently, I live in supported housing, so I can maintain some kind of independence.

Q: I wrote a Fic and I want you to beta read it for me, will you do that?

A: I'm sorry, but no. I don't feel comfortable doing that. It's a minefield for me, between triggers, anxiety, and not being that confident in my own skills. I can offer general writing tips from my own experience, but I don't specifically read for people unless I'm already close with them and feel comfortable enough to tell them how I feel.

Q: I've tried to start a conversation with you, but you just blanked me?

A: Not on purpose! I'm so sorry. I'm really really bad at remembering to respond, and it's not personal, I swear. Sometimes I spend forever trying to word my response in my head and then forget to actually send it. Sometimes I'll look away from my screen for two seconds and my attention span will go somewhere else like the rude hoe it is, and I think I've responded to you. If you have to nudge me, you can totally do that. If you can't be bothered trying to keep me in line, I totally don't blame you 😂

Q: Can I be your friend?

A: I don't know why you would want to be, but yes! I love making new friends, and my personal blog is @just-Kara-no-hats

Q: Do you take requests?

A: I do, though it may take me a while to get them done. I don't do them in any particular order, just as inspiration strikes. I'll write for most MCU character except Peter Parker (Romantic/sexual, I'll write him platonically), Dr Strange (I just don't like him), Carol Danvers (I have zero emotional connection with her, makes her impossible for me to write for).

Q: Will you write Smut?

A: Yip. M/F, M/M, F/F. All are fine. I won't write it for underage characters though. 

Q: Do you write Dark Fics?

A: Some of my fics have a lot of violence and past child abuse. I don't write non/dub con stuff though. I have nothing against, and follow some amazing authors who do write them, but I don't write it myself.

Q: What will you not write?

A: Anything with kids. I've done pregnant readers in the past, but that's as far as I went, and even that was too much for me. So no parental readers, no pregnancy, no breeding.

I don't feel comfortable with writing age-play, daddy/little's, Brat kinks, bodily fluid kinks.

Other than that, you're best just asking me.

Q: Who is the dog you're always posting pictures of?

A: My little brother, Seren. My dad lives 5 doors down from me, with Seren. He's the apple of my eye.

[per-ineptia-ad-astra]

starhearth: episode five

Second Month of Spring, Day 5-6

Early in the morning, while the last of the rain from the day before is still petering out, the explorer who promised to trade us some cricket golems returns.

[ID: A screenshot of a notification box titled ‘The explorer returns!’ The text inside the box reads, “The explorer returns!--I’m back! It looks like you’ve made me the 5 Wooden Window Frame I asked for. Are you still interested in 2 Autonomous Cricket Golem in exchange? I assure you, they are more useful than any normal person at carrying things!”]

Once activated, the two little golems quickly go to work picking up items and moving them to the stockpiles. These guys will be very helpful to us. As more and more of the villagers become crafters or warriors and spend most of their time focused on that, there are fewer and fewer people to do the necessary work of just hauling stuff from one place to another. The cricket golems will help pick up the slack.

[ID: A screenshot of the item stockpile, containing animal pelts, bones, strips of rawhide and blocks of wood, as the two golems pick up items from the stockpile. The golems are dark gray and rectangular in shape, with four stubby legs, small square gray heads, two glowing yellow eyes, and two glowing rectangular antennae.]

More good news: we’ve got enough food and networth to pick up another villager.

Now, I realize that you may have increasingly been thinking, as this game continues to progress, “uh, where the hell is SPOCK? you’ve literally included LESLIE in your roster before SPOCK? what are you even doing here” or something along those lines. Well, you can rest assured I did not forget about Spock. The reason I haven’t made him a villager yet comes down to one simple thing: I had no absolutely no idea what to do with him. There is no position available to the Hearthlings that even remotely corresponds to ‘science officer’. Herbalist, maybe, at a stretch—but there are multiple characters who fit that job better by virtue of being actual medical professionals. I thought about making him a warrior of some kind, since Spock takes out a fair amount of foes throughout the series, but that didn’t seem to fit him very well. Spock’s not a warrior at heart. He’s just a guy who’s willing to nerve pinch a bad guy or two if the situation calls for it.

But of course, we’ve gotta have Spock in here somewhere. So in the end, after much deliberation, I decided...to make him a Weaver. Weavers are a crafting class that refine fibers and animal pelts into thread, leather and cloth, which can then be used either by the Weaver to make clothes that provide various benefits to Hearthlings, or by other crafters to make things like bows and armor.

My reasoning for this? Spock’s fabulous sense of fashion. That’s it. That’s literally it.

[ID: A screenshot of Spock’s Character Info window, which shows that his mood is content, his stats are 6 Mind, 5 Body and 4 Spirit, his class is Worker, he has the trait ‘Night Owl’--represented by a crescent moon icon—and his mood is being improved by the ‘Pioneering Spirit’ buff. Below, Spock’s portrait is seen in the information box at the bottom of the screen, showing him to be a white Hearthling with brown eyes, short square black hair, and thick black eyebrows.]

Spock has an impressive stat spread—6 Mind, 5 Body and 4 Spirit—and the trait Night Owl. You might remember that Kirk also has this trait; it makes the Hearthling stay up later at night and wake up later in the day. So Kirk and Spock can keep each other company. As it should be.

The character appearance options aren’t exactly equipped to make Vulcans, so the best I can do is give Spock some really big eyebrows. Unfortunately, a strange graphical glitch results in those eyebrows floating in the air next to his head instead of remaining on his face as eyebrows usually do.

[ID: A screenshot of Spock the Hearthling running over the grass with his eyebrows floating at the right height, but to the right of his head instead of on it.]

my god, those NBC execs were right all along! his eyebrows are demonic!

Well...it’ll probably sort itself out.

Meanwhile, McCoy needs to build himself a cauldron so he can craft potions. This requires a bit of stone. Once we start mining for ore, we’ll have more stone than we know what to do with, but for the moment we’re fresh out. Luckily there are some boulders standing out in the fields around the village, so McCoy goes out to break those down for stone. Apparently he doesn’t much feel like picking it up afterward, though, because he just kind of stands there while a cricket golem comes to collect the stone instead.

[ID: A screenshot of McCoy standing in the grass staring at the stockpile and doing nothing, while behind him a cricket golem picks up a block of stone.]

what? did you not get your coffee today?

Once the stone is in the stockpile, though, McCoy—begrudgingly, I assume—goes to craft a cauldron out of it, and begins brewing some potions. A few energy potions made from the ad hoc little herb garden will make everyone move a bit faster for a while, which hopefully will speed up production of the tavern.

[ID: A screenshot of McCoy bending over a bubbling cauldron next to his workstation in the grass. The information box below describes him as ‘crafting energy tonic.’]

Uhura has befriended another rabbit, this one named March. I really hope March and Thumpy don’t breed, because if we get into a Trouble With Tribbles situation I don’t think my CPU will be able to handle it.

[ID: A screenshot of the camp with a small rabbit sitting next to the empty hearth, while Kirk patrols nearby and McCoy gets something from the stockpile in the background.]

Night Owl Spock stays up to finish putting the roof on the tavern after everyone else has gone to bed. He’s not completely alone, though; he’s got his eyebrows to accompany him.

[ID: Spock walking across the roof of the tavern in the dark, eyebrows still hovering next to his head.]

The next morning is warm but a bit rainy. With the tavern itself completed, all that’s left is to place all the windows and doors. Everyone chips in to help.

[ID: A screenshot of several villagers walking across the grass towards the tavern, each carrying a door or window. Rand is selected in the information box below, which says she is ‘placing Wooden Door.’]

Some more Entlings attack...or rather, they try to, but they’re up on the cliffs surrounding the town to the north, and can’t get down. So they just kind of stand there angrily for a while before wandering off again.

[ID: A shot from the front of the tavern, showing four Entlings standing on the cliff some distance in the background.]

The tavern is finally finished, and everyone takes a moment to celebrate.

[ID: A screenshot of McCoy, Rand, Chapel, Leslie, Spock, Chekov, and Scotty all standing in front of the tavern with their hands in the air as confetti and clouds of dust fly up from the completed building.]

There’s not much time to stand around, though—now that the building is complete, it’s time to start moving things into it. Eventually we’ll make individual houses for people and use the tavern as, well, a tavern, but for the moment it’s more pressing to just get everyone under a roof, so the beds are moved into what’s theoretically the tavern pantry. Well, almost all the beds. One of them can’t be moved for a while, because Kirk is sleeping in it.

[ID: A screenshot of Kirk passed out in the one remaining bed next to the berry bushes.]

The berry bushes and herb garden are also moved over to be closer to the tavern, and the outside storepiles decommissioned in favor of moving all our supplies into some more neatly organized boxes inside. Scotty queues up some more storage boxes as well as a few more beds to support the growing population, but he needs wood to make them, and building the tavern has used up our whole supply of it. So a few people are sent to cut down some trees. Just cutting down the trees growing nearby has given us enough wood so far, but that’s not going to be a sustainable solution forever. We’re going to need an orchard for wood, so a few acorns are also planted out back to get that started.

One of the felled trees drops a bee’s nest. This is actually a good thing—a Herbalist can collect the bees and put them in a hive which will supply honey. McCoy is sent to go pick up the bees, but he decides he’d rather get a drink instead.

[ID: A screenshot of the field behind the tavern, mostly cleared but with a couple of tree stumps in the corner. One of the stumps has a swarming bee’s nest on the ground next to it. McCoy is running away from the stump, and the information box below says that he is ‘getting a drink.’]

Yeah I can’t really say I blame him.

[hotpinklizard]

Hi! Do you take prompts? Maybe darcy/steve/bucky for something like "No one would suspect.."?

Thank you for the prompt! You can read it here on AO3.ExpectationsDarcy enjoys watching her boys shatter people’s expectations of them. People seem to expect Bucky and Steve to be angry old geezers, shaking their fists as they rant about the youth of America. So when a journalist asks in an interview if they just hate things like instant oatmeal and powdered hot chocolate, saying it’s not as good as how things used to be done, Steve says, “No! It saves a lot of time and it tastes good. I think it’s great.” Darcy saves a screenshot of the reporter’s dismayed face for a rainy day.

The current trend in media is the thirst for information about heroes’ private lives. Darcy, as part of the PR team for the Avengers, puts a moratorium on questions about their dating lives and families. Some of the reporters like to push boundaries, but most know that they aren’t going to get anywhere and stick to questions that only sometimes toe the line. Recently it’s been a surge in trying to get heroes’ political affiliations. Or get them to say something scandalous.

“Would you agree that modern TV and movies are boring because there’s too much emphasis on political correctness?” a reporter asks when Steve is just out trying to buy groceries.

“I love seeing different stories. Diversity isn’t a buzzword, it’s the reality of the world,” Steve says before going back to buying his tomatoes.

The reporter looks disappointed that Steve isn’t secretly a bigot. Darcy smirks when she sees the clip online. The only media coaching she had to give him for questions like that is to not call the person who asked any foul names.

That’s one of the reasons she’s with Steve in the first place. Steve is good. He doesn’t need to be told that people matter, he just knows. She’d dated a man in college who admitted that he didn’t know why he should care about others and she’d dipped out of there as fast as she could at 3:00 a.m. in floppy slippers.

Pepper reluctantly allows a Fox News reporter to attend a press conference at the tower, out of what Darcy has a suspicion is just morbid curiosity. The smarmy man asks Bucky if he likes how free speech and their politicians are being attacked. Bucky says, “Free speech is me not getting arrested for telling you you’re a goddamn asshole. Or calling the president a goddamn asshole.”

And that’s one of the reasons she’s with Bucky, too. He is all out of fucks to give and isn’t interested in searching for more. He’d spent so much time being forced to be someone else that now, now that he’s spent a lot of time in therapy and a lot of time figuring out what he wants, he’s unabashedly himself and refuses to change for anyone. She loves that.

Startled and irritated, the reporter changes tactics and asks Bucky and Steve their opinion about the conservative economic plans.

“You do know we were raised in the Great Depression, right?” Steve says, eyebrows raised. “Believe it or not, we don’t want to deal with that again.”

Emboldened by the other reporter, a local news reporter asks about LGBTQIA+ rights. Pepper steps in to put a stop to what she probably feels is an inquisition, but they’re way ahead of her.

“We’re all passionate about equality,” Tony says smoothly, but Bucky cuts off whatever he was going to say next.

“You know that being gay isn’t a new invention, right?” Bucky says, glaring hard. “Do you really think queer people weren’t around when we were growing up?”

“Is that how you identify?” the reporter asks quickly.

Darcy knows Bucky would easily say fuck yeah he is and fuck you, but he doesn’t. Steve isn’t ready for the three of them to be public, and there are enough rumors about his relationship with Bucky as it is. She doesn’t care if people know, Bucky doesn’t care if people know, but they care that Steve cares.

“No one’s sexuality is your damn business,” he says instead.

Pepper cuts in there, changing the topic to Tony, who happily takes the limelight off them. It’s not the best, Steve and Bucky aren’t fond of interviews or cameras in their faces, but it handle it well enough. More than that, the department that handles Avengers-related fan mail and threatening letters reports an uptick in letters from queer kids who feel more accepted knowing their heroes love them, so that’s good.

People also seem to expect Steve and Bucky to only enjoy old man activities, like golf and talking about the war, as if they’re just younger version of everyone’s grandparents, or serious shit like cleaning their knives and shield all day. They’d be shocked to know that they like watching snowboarding and eating shitty take out and playing video games. Steve is a wild man at any racing game and Bucky is an absolute wild man at Mario Party.

Not a damn person would believe her if she told them the former Winter Solider knitted her a sweater when she complained she couldn’t find one in the purple that she liked. They wouldn’t believe Steve is an avid Parks and Recreation fan. Not a soul would believe that when she took them to an adult store for the first time ever, it was Steve and Bucky that mostly filled the basket with all kinds of adventurous things they want to try, Darcy just adding a couple bottles of lube and condoms.

Darcy is lounging in bed, wearing leggings and the oversized purple sweater from Bucky and flipping through news articles on her phone. Bucky’s lying next to her on his stomach, face buried in his pillow, arm slung over her waist. There’s a soft beep letting them know someone (Steve) has entered the code to their apartment, and a few moments later, Steve is faceplanting into bed next to Bucky, groaning.

“Long morning?” Darcy asks, looking up from her phone. Steve just groans again, flipping off Bucky when he laughs.

“Why do you guys get a mid-day nap and I had to be Pepper’s show pony all morning?” Steve asks.

“You love when the kids visit,” Darcy says. It’s true, Steve always makes sure to be available when the schoolkids have their tours of Stark Tower.

“Yeah, but their parents…”

Yeah, okay, that’s fair. There’s always at least one chaperone that thinks she (or he) can make Captain America fall in love with them in a single afternoon. Darcy’d had to rescue him last year when a particularly forward husband and wife had tried to entice him to come home with them. Darcy had invented a fake emergency (Code Periwinkle for fake emergencies and quick getaways from social situations) and hustled him out, trying to look very serious and not at all amused.

“It’s your turn next time,” Steve says, turning his head to look at Bucky. “The kids love you.”

“They try to hang from my metal arm like a jungle gym,” Bucky grumbles, squinting an eye open to look at Steve.

“You love that,” Darcy says, nudging her toes against his thigh. He reaches behind him, grabbing at her ankle and tugging her toward him. She shrieks out a laugh, rolling with the movement until she’s lying on his back. Steve snorts at them, rolling to his side.

“Only when it’s you, doll,” he says.

“Liar,” she says, grinning. She presses a kiss to the back of his neck before Steve pulls her by the wrist until she’s squished between them.

“Nap now, jungle gym later,” he says, throwing an arm over her waist, his fingers resting on Bucky’s back.

“This is dumb,” she says, face pressed against his chest. “Why are we all squished on one half of the bed when there’s a whole empty side?”

“Because Bucky isn’t moving,” Bucky says, eyes closed again. Steve kicks at Bucky’s legs until he gives in with a grumble, rolling over until there’s enough room for them all to lie comfortably (it’s a California king mattress, really the only option when there are two sets of shoulders like Steve and Bucky’s).

The only expectations people have of the two of them that Darcy doesn’t want rocked are related to the battlefield. Everyone assumes Captain America and the former Winter Soldier will always be victorious. They’ll watch, follow the news with wide, fearful eyes, but they always believe the two of them will come out on top.

Darcy is good with everyone having that expectation. It’s probably unhealthy, but she clings to that when they’re out on some mission and she doesn’t know if they’ll be back. She holds onto the country’s collective belief that Steve and Bucky are invincible, her breath held as she watches them battle aliens or robots or other enhanced baddies in the street.

She knows they’re strong, she knows they know what they’re doing, but she worries. It’s in her nature, she’s a worrier. She hides it well most of the time, shielding herself with bravado and sarcastic quips, but something in her heart still clenches when she sees one of them take a hit, even if they stand back up almost immediately. She knows they’re doing what they believe in, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch. The only thing worse is not watching.

She never really considered their worry for her. They’re protective, but careful not to be overbearing so she honestly doesn’t think too much about it. But then she’s downtown, walking to get coffee when the ground shakes. She doesn’t know what’s going on, only that what looks like small robots are flying around above the city, dropping small bomb on the city.

“Shit!” she says, turning on her heel and running toward the closest alley, looking for any kind of cover. “Shit, shit, shit…”

An explosion in front of her knocks down part of a wall in the alley, and a second later there’s a pained yowl. Trapped with a pile of bricks on its back leg in a dirty black cat, eyes wide in pain and fear and damn it, she can’t just leave it.

It takes a few moments but she gets the cat’s leg out from under the bricks, scooping it up and holding it close to her chest as she runs. She’s not immediately clawed to death, which she’s grateful for, but also probably means the cat’s in shock.

There’s a small alcove farther down that used to be a loading zone for delivery trucks. She ducks behind the bricks right when one of the little robot bombs drops. She screams, can’t help it, as part of the balcony above her collapses, dropping in front of her and trapping her in the brick alcove with a mass of concrete and rubble in front of her.

“Okay, okay,” she mutters, trying to pull her phone out of her bag with one hand, the other cradling the cat that’s begun to shake in earnest. “It’s okay, kitty, we got this. Fuck, no service, we don’t got this.”

No, this is fine, this is totally fine. The explosions are already moving away, like they’re going for as much chaos as possible, not targeting anyone specific, so she doubts anything will be back to finish her off. Still, she’s trapped with an injured cat and no one has any idea where she is. If her phone doesn’t have service, they can’t track her, right? If they even realize she’s missing. It’s the middle of the work day, would anyone expect her to be here? Would they think to look?

She’s expecting a very long wait for rescue, if one comes at all. She’s sitting down with her back against the wall, the cat calmer now that Darcy’s wrapped it in her jacket. There’s no name tag, so Darcy’s decided it’s now Florence. She has no idea if it’s a boy or girl cat, but it’s Florence now, and she’s going to get Florence out of this, damn it.

It’s nearing hour two of being trapped and she’s starting to get antsy, when there’s shifting of the rubble. She scrambles to her feet, holding Florence tightly, and shrinks back into the corner, trying to avoid anything falling on her.

It’s not the building collapsing, though. The concrete blocking her in is ripped away and there’s Bucky, breathing heavily on the other side, his eyes wide and fearful.

“Oh thank fuck,” Darcy breathes.

She dashes out of the alcove and throws herself into his arms, Florence hissing indignantly between them. Bucky lifts her easily, moving her away from the rubble and a bit farther down the alley so they’re not next to a building that’s probably a stiff breeze away from collapsing.

“Bucky,” she says when he sets her back on her feet, taking her face in both his hands. He still looks panicked, eyes roving over her for any sign of injury, pausing at the bloody scrapes on her arm, the rips in the knees of her pants.

“You didn’t come back,” he says roughly.

“What?”

“You were out - coffee run - you didn’t come back. Then we saw…” He can’t seem to finish, words failing him. Then he’s kissing her roughly, like he never thought he’d be able to again. She wraps her free arm around him, kissing him back just as hard because she gets it, she really does. She does the exact same thing when they come back after a battle, dirty and exhausted and a little bloodier than she’d like.

There are loud footsteps and Bucky pulls away to look, ready to pull a gun, but it’s Steve. He’s in his Captain America uniform, covered in dirt, and he looks as frantic as Bucky.

“You found her,” he says, then he’s running toward them. Bucky carefully takes Florence from Darcy and just in time, because Steve isn’t slowing down. He grabs Darcy around the waist and yanks her to him, holding her tightly.

“I’m okay,” she says, hugging him back. “I’m fine, Steve.”

It’s true, even. Sure, she’s probably going to shake and have a mild meltdown as soon as she’s home and has a chance to change and clean up, but for right now she’s okay.

Then Steve’s kissing her, and that shocks the hell out of her more than anything else. Steve isn’t embarrassed of their relationship, not at all, but he’s very private and never kisses her or Bucky when they’re out. She kisses back, obviously, because he’s her boyfriend and she loves it, but her mind is racing.

She learns later that she was in the background of a shaky cell phone video that the news was playing while they waited for more information, and Steve and Bucky had flown into a frenzy.

“We thought we lost you,” Steve murmurs against her lips, bending down to rest his forehead against hers.

Bucky steps up behind her, crowding in and holding her as best he can with a cat in one arm. Darcy keeps one arm around Steve, her other hand coming up to rest on Bucky’s arm, letting them both know she’s here and safe. Then Steve is raising his head, kissing Bucky and yeah, that’s new, too. Not the kiss, but in public. Steve, who longs to keep his private life out of the public view, has just kissed both of them in broad daylight with lots of people around.

“Steve, there are people,” Bucky says softly. He doesn’t care one bit, proud as hell about his partners, but Steve cares.

“It doesn’t matter,” Steve says, gripping both of them tightly. “I don’t care. I needed you both here and okay.”

The sound of sirens is getting closer and Darcy expects to be handed off to a paramedic while they get back to rescue duty, but she’s surprised again when Steve easily lifts her into his arms, making her squeak at the sudden movement.

“Not still on duty?” she asks.

“No,” Steve says, kissing her cheek and starting down the alley away from the crowds of people and paramedics. “The others have it handled.”

Darcy looks over Steve’s shoulder to see Bucky following them, Florence looking happy as a clam to be in his arm. There’s a news crew behind them and Darcy turns back around, not wanting to deal with that right now.

Steve and Bucky are both clingy for the rest of the day, not letting her far out of their sight. The only time Bucky is away from her for longer than ten minutes is when he brings Florence to the emergency vet. He comes back with news that Florence is a boy, not microchipped, and is very high on pain pills, his leg in a little cast. Steve halfheartedly suggests bringing him to a shelter, but Bucky and Darcy glare and it isn’t brought up again.

The next day, when cleanup is well underway, Darcy and Bucky are sitting on the couch in the living room, Florence sprawled with his head on Darcy’s thigh, the rest of his body on Bucky’s. The press conference is about to start, but she’s taking a day off so she doesn’t have to be there, and if she doesn’t, Bucky sure isn’t going. Steve had rolled his eyes at both of them, but went anyway. Such a responsible adult.

The first few questions are standard. What attacked the city? Are there any new threats on the horizon? Who’s paying for cleanup? Are there any team injuries?

Then come the questions they’ve been waiting for. Yes, Steve tells them he’s dating the woman he was photographed kissing. Yes, also Bucky. Yes, they’re all together. No, he isn’t going to be giving any more details than that.

“I’m sure the world is shocked that Captain America has not only a girlfriend but a boyfriend as well!” a reporter says, nudging for him to spill more.

“Captain America is symbol. But I’m Steve Rogers, and I’m just a man,” Steve says. “And I love my partners.”(A/N If you come to my comments just to say “queer is a slur11!1!1!”, I’m cursing you with a thousand bee stings.)

[hikariobsessions]

[RANT] IkeSen’s Uesugi Kenshin - The Yandere

...Also known as “Why you shouldn’t be afraid of portraying character flaws.”

DISCLAIMER

This is another personal opinion post, (one I’ve been saving for a rainy day); this time addressing a more specific topic regarding Kenshin, which I mentioned briefly, but tried to avoid on my previous post about IkeSen’s Translations (because I didn’t want to spoil things too much and I’ll try not to reveal too much here as well). 

But it's specifically in response to an observation outlined in this wonderful paragraph by @rizosrojizos​

Another possibility that occurred to me just now is that the English team may be inclined into political correctness? That is, that they have a fixated negative understanding about what a yandere is, or that they don’t understand yandere Kenshin at all—things that get lost when trying to translate one culture into another. Maybe they fear that if they portray a more faithful translation of Kenshin and MC’s relationship, we, as a western audience, would complain about them “promoting” toxic, abusive, and manipulative relationships and possible Gaslighting or Stockholm Syndrome. That could explain why English MC is on guard and a smart mouth around Kenshin–so that we see her as a strong person, a fighter, and not a weak-minded victim. 

- I’m mainly doing this post ‘coz I’m sick of a certain stupid internet joke that got me ranting about Beauty and the Beast to my hapless, irl friend.

- Cybird’s localization team and writers are beginning to worry me about the portrayal of my favorite character, Uesugi Kenshin but I’m trying to be optimistic. (I’m gonna post this anyway before they release it)

- There will be some major spoilers in this (probably) about Kenshin’s route specifically (both routes) BUT go ahead if you don’t mind being spoiled...

- I change my usual tone compared to normal posts for rants out of impulse and the free-for-all nature I’m approaching this particular post type.

- Again if the title didn’t already warn you, this is a Rant. It’s going to be long and caked with profanity which isn’t particularly aimed at anyone, but may or may not offend some people. You have been warned, and do proceed with caution. IT’S FUCKING LONG. >.>

With that said, let’s get on with it, shall we?

Fears of portrayal

Maybe they fear that if they portray a more faithful translation of Kenshin and MC’s relationship, we, as a western audience, would complain about them “promoting” toxic, abusive, and manipulative relationships and possible Gaslighting or Stockholm Syndrome.

OKAY...

The short answer is, yes, certainly the Cybird English localization team can have inhibitions when portraying the ‘yandere’ trope. But we might just be putting words in their mouths at this point. 

Here’s the thing, Western audiences aren’t the only people that are against/or would complain about “toxic, abusive and manipulative relationships.” Japanese content makers (I imagine) also have an awareness of what kind of shit they put out in the world, and the Japanese audience, the kind of things they tolerate. 

And the portrayal of Kenshin’s yandere, I reckon, had that awareness; and he wouldn’t be the character that he is today, if they didn’t take into consideration the appeal he needed to have to feature in a fucking dating sim and win the hearts of women across Japan (apart from his noted Ikemen status).

In saying that, there’s no tangibility whatsoever (as far as I know) in assuming how cultural products are received by international audiences, so from my point of view, it’s all speculation and delves on the uncertain to the point where the conversation doesn’t necessarily get us anywhere (she says as she writes another long-ass post about the topic), unless Cybird decides to step in and give us their two cents.

BUT addressing Kenshin’s Yandere a bit more specifically based on my experience of his route...

Here are my two cents (or rather, an insane number of words for another fucking Tumblr post.)

In the same way that people & characters can be pushed into a generic stereotype, they can also be quite the exception to it. Characters are meant to portray humans most of the time or have some humane qualities about them (just look at all the Pixar movies). And as we all know (fucking hopefully) humans are much more than just one characteristic, or a label put on them. 

Take a look at Nobunaga, for example. I could call him the Domineering type or in Japanese ‘ドS��� [which vaguely means ‘Dominant Sadist’ in a way], but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s fucking ticklish, eats fucking candies or has a big-picture ambition; it’s just one aspect of his personality.

That’s why I don’t think there’s any reason for the English localization team to be scared to portray Kenshin, and his ‘yandere’ side, even if they are trying to be “politically correct”. That’s part of who he is. But it’s also not everything about him. I’m quite the individual exception, but for someone who doesn’t have that much experience liking ‘yanderes’ or has not been exposed to much anime tropes, Kenshin still became one of my favorite characters in the game. To each their own. 

***BTW I can appreciate people who are turned off by it; that’s fine, there’s nothing wrong with that. I can totally understand.*** 

***SORT OF SPOILERS***

To me, Kenshin’s ‘yandere’ aspect in the main story was portrayed as sort of flaw that kept him from striving for a healthier way of living. And that’s something he overcame (with the help of MC) and was part of his character development. Don’t get me wrong, it didn’t completely go away by the end, it just calmed down into a healthier and more playful aspect of him.

***END OF SORT-OF-SPOILERS***

On to the next point...

...they have a fixated negative understanding about what a yandere is, or that they don’t understand yandere Kenshin at all...

I’m living in the hope that Cybird and their localization team are not looking at these characters 2-Dimensionally and, personally, I know that’s arguably not the case from what I’ve seen of the released characters so far in the ENG App. So I’m praying to god that this isn’t what happens.

This might be a bias in terms of process as someone who writes my own stories...but when writing characters, or more specifically, translating characters that have already been created, don’t judge them, or at least aim for understanding first. This is advice also given to actors and directors in filmmaking when thinking about how to portray characters for the screen. Judging them is the audience’s job, not the creators.

If you judge them before you try to understand them, bias/agenda is going to show in every aspect of your work. That defeats the general purpose of storytelling, which, to me, is to convey ‘truth’ about the themes, the characters of the story and the human condition as a whole. 

***Pardon the sudden hippie vibe that the last line kinda conveyed. But I digress.***

So...if the localization team judges Kenshin based on a fucking anime stereotype and tries to “fix” him because they have this fucking inhibition about crossing cultural fucking boundaries...Just. Ugh.

Here’s @mischievouslymasamune ‘s post on these cultural differences as well.

Also for those of you who want to raise the argument of Stockholm Syndrome and whatnot...

Or you know...

Keep reading to obtain a modicum of cultural knowledge of what it is, and the issues pertaining to it. Up to you ^_^

Let’s veer away from IkeSen for a moment and look at this other cultural media that’s been in the spotlight because of the same goddamn internet joke that is fucking Stockholm Syndrome. Does anyone know what it is? I mentioned it in the disclaimer ^^^

Here’s a well-meaning media student, similar to myself, talking about it...

***The main points I want to focus your attention towards are between [1:56- 11:22].....but the entire video is worth a watch if you’re one of those people who is passionately declaring “STOCKHOLM SYNDROME” against the original Beauty and the Beast movie. IT’S NOT ABOUT STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.Thank you.***

BUT THE MAIN TAKE AWAY (as in quotes and shit from the video):

Lindsey Ellis (video person) said it best here...

“Your uninformed observation doesn’t make you smarter than the media you consume; it just means you’re not paying attention.” - Lindsey Ellis

So let’s all be informed, shall we?

Here’s a brief definition of Stockholm Syndrome:

Stockholm Syndrome which is also known as Helsinki syndrome is a mental illness developed by the hostages to cope up with the situation. The mental condition or the feelings actually arises because of the bond that develops between the hostage and the captor while performing intimate actions. In simple words we can say that Stockholm syndrome is the emotion that develops among two people where one person physically and mentally harasses the other one. -  Pramod Kerkar, MD, FFARCSI,  ePain Assist

As for Gaslighting...

Gaslighting is a tactic in which a person or entity, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality. It works much better than you may think. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers, dictators, narcissists, and cult leaders. It is done slowly, so the victim doesn't realize how much they've been brainwashed. -  Stephanie A. Sarkis Ph.D. , Psychology Today

But this is for Cybird’s localization team in particular if they are actually scared of portraying Kenshin in this way. Don’t, as Ellis observes, “miss the forest for the trees” whilst also only having “a passing pop culture knowledge of either forest or trees” when it comes to Kenshin’s route.

Now I know there are only a few people out there that have actually played the JP App and Kenshin’s route, and those of you who haven’t can only take my word when it comes to this post. 

I’ll try hard to add-in appropriate screenshots/quotes whenever I can find them to back up what I’ve seen in the stories. But with that being said...

Let’s go back to Kenshin now, shall we...?

***Also - The definition of ‘yandere’ I’ll be using, is this one and this one***

Because of recent events in the English app and how Miss Sass (English MC) has been vocal about her ‘Mr. Sad-Dangerous-Murderer’ encounters with Kenshin; he has been depicted so far as nothing beyond that. 

Maybe they’re just setting it up, maybe not; maybe they’re trying to act consistently with how Miss Sass has reacted to Kenshin in the released routes so far...maybe not. Who knows? I’m not Cybird. I wouldn’t mind so much if it was the former, and if you’ve read my previous rant, you will already know how I feel about Miss Sass. 

The main problem I think we have with regards to this story, I suppose, is the fear that it will be depicted as an abusive/manipulative relationship in Kenshin’s part. ...There’s also the fear that Miss Pure (Japanese MC) was subject to Stockholm Syndrome and hence, Miss Sass would also be..... *SIGH* 

You all need to give more credit to Cybird’s Japanese team. Seriously. 

Remember what I said above about characters fitting into a stereotype, but also being quite the exception to them? 

Well, here’s Kenshin breaking stereotype:

Mr. Crazy inside and out

...the Yandere is sweet outside, crazy inside... - TV Tropes

- From the moment she meets him, Kenshin has never taken on the facade of a gentle, sweet and caring person. Instead, it’s the opposite. He scares people so as not to get close to them. But MC starts to see beyond that.

Translations:

MC: ...You know, at first glance you really come off as cold and unfriendly but... I can’t help but notice the part of you that’s kind and has this strong sense of honor.

Kenshin: What kind of dull joke are you spouting out now?

Little by little, I began to see Kenshin’s true self. While also never bringing to light my role as chatelaine for the Oda Army.

- Kenshin’s Yandere is crazy inside and out. In other words, the craziness he holds inside him manages to seep out into his actions, whether he’s conscious of it or not. This is seen, not just in how he acts towards MC, but also against Sasuke and other people that are close to him (often a comedic interpretation). 

- His unhealthy violent yandere nature is honest and well-established from the get-go, but not lauded. Especially, by the MC. She questions his love for war, and further on into the story she sees it as a flaw that he has that’s been influenced by his past and needs time to heal

Mr. Too-innocent-or-in-denial-about-his-feelings-to-be-manipulative

MC: “Is there something wrong with other people seeing me? Will it somehow cause trouble for you?”

Kenshin: “I don’t know. But just imagining it somehow makes me feel unpleasant.”

- In the beginning, there are no pretenses when it comes to how he has resolved to live according to his values. He likes war, so he lives and plans on dying for it. He likes sake (alcohol) and pickled plums, so he eats and drinks as much as he pleases etc. etc.:

「乱世の生は短い。ならば、せいぜい己の自由に生きるのだな」

“Within these chaotic times, life is short-lived. With that in mind, all one can do is live freely to the best of their ability.” - Kenshin to MC

- In this sense, he isn’t manipulative. He’s way too straightforward for his own good and arguably, somewhat innocent because of that.

- The only time when he's consciously in denial of his own feelings is when it comes to MC because of his ‘issues’. Even the term ‘conciously’ is debatable.  He can’t even explain it himself for crying out loud. ^^^ see screenie above.  

- Also, his actions when he has MC imprisoned seems to be consistently at odds with what he says/thinks himself while she’s in there (bunny army, a moon-gazing date, bachelor pad tour etc.). 

The fucking prison wooing Shenanigans of Mr. God of War. I mean seriously if you’re gonna be a kidnapper/captor, at least try to be a dickhead. (NO. PLEASE DON’T. I LOVE YOU JUST THE WAY YOU ARE)

I want you to smile. -Kenshin, probably.

This is THE BIG ONE.

....but the Yandere's jealous, possessive and obsessive nature won't let them accept the possibility that the person they love can be happy without them. - TV Tropes

Apart from the fact that he has her locked up, in no way does Kenshin act as an abusive captor. He doesn’t harass her into liking him. He doesn’t try to overpower her, mentally, to get her to stay with him. Do we all remember our definitions above ^^^? If not, scroll up and let’s keep on being informed.

This doesn’t mean he isn’t “PROBLEMATIC”. This doesn’t mean he isn’t “POSSESSIVE”. In his main story, Kenshin’s possessiveness comes from the fear of losing MC, and his backstory explaining why he is the way he is. But again, even with that in mind, his “possessiveness” is never put on a pedestal or lauded, especially by MC.

PLUS the MC certainly isn’t ignorant of the ‘issues’ that Kenshin has --- but at the same time, she doesn’t try to overlook the genuinely good man behind these flaws (backstory or not).

<<<MAJOR PLOT SPOILERS AFOOT. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED>>>

「教えろ。どうしたら以前のお前のように笑顔になる」

“Tell me. How can I make you smile the same way you did before?” - Kenshin to MC

OKAY.

I was looking for references and stuff I’ve written down, and I couldn’t stop myself shedding a tear while looking back at Kenshin and MCs interactions. MY HEART WAS BEING STABBED REPEATEDLY FOR THE SAKE OF THIS GODDAMN POST. 

I just...gnnhh... *dies briefly* ---> *is resurrected by the miracle that is Kenshin’s character development* 

I don’t want to get into this that much because the example I’m thinking of is basically the CLIMAX of Kenshin’s route. For both romantic & dramatic. And I don’t want to ruin it ^^; (those of you have done it in JP app perhaps you know what I’m talking about ;))

<<SEMI-SPOILERS>>

But the point that gets across in this part of the story, is that there’s no doubt just how much Kenshin loves MC. To the point where he decides that letting her go (despite his possessiveness), is much better than having her get hurt because of his way of loving/or hurting her because of how he is.  

For a “yandere” to do that -- to value the happiness/well-being of the person they love over their own obsession with them, and being like:

IF THAT’S NOT LOVE, I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS. And apologies guys, but the hipster vibe is strong in this one.

"Love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own."— H. Jackson Brown, Jr. 

“You don’t know about real loss, ‘cause it only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself” - Robin Williams, Good Will Hunting

And to Kenshin’s MC

“I knew that love, to me, is when you’re looked at and the person looking at you sees you whole. They don’t look at you with any desire for change, with any lacking being visible. Love is complete understanding.” - Guillermo Del Toro, The Shape of Water

(How’s that for a fucking movie reference, Clarice?)

<<END OF SEMI-SPOILERS>>

We all have different definitions/interpretations of love. In the stories we experience in IkeSen there are various portrayals of just that: different kinds of love. And Kenshin’s love story just happens to be one of my favorites because it stands on its own when it comes to uniqueness and how heartfelt it is. 

And simply put I would hate to see it ruined because of what? Cultural differences? A fear of portraying a character because of a vague definition of a stereotype? 😢 COME. ON. 

So now, before I start throwing fucking flowers everywhere and preaching world peace; how about we answer, the golden question?

Does MC have Stockholm Syndrome and/or is she a victim of Gaslighting through Kenshin?

^^ Considering all the stuff I said above, perhaps we can cut this answer short ^^

Rest assured, that the relationship that develops inside the prison is by no means, abusive nor manipulative. Therefore MC doesn’t develop feelings for Kenshin out of survival instincts or as a coping mechanism. She chooses to stay, based on her own reasons and is not “brainwashed” to do so.

What are her reasons? Well, you’ll just have to find out when Kenshin’s route is released (if they decide not to change it) or, you know, get the JP app. Whichever.

Here’s the thing... YES, Kenshin is possessive; YES, he is problematic; and YES he does lock you up in a twisted act of caring--

BUT PLEASE let’s not start using random internet-jokes-disguised-as-fucking-“science”-terms so hastily.

Oh, and just to keep us going on our well-informed streak...

In many parts of the world, Stockholm syndrome is referred to as contested illness but many legal authorities consider it as a fake mental condition. -  Pramod Kerkar, MD, FFARCSI, ePain Assist

A fake mental condition.

Final thoughts

If you’ve read this far, well done  😮 👏🏽 👏🏽 You are probably a very tolerant and patient person (with a huge amount of free time, as I do ^^;), so thanks for reading  😭 😭

I’ll be leaving you with thoughts on the ENG MC x Kenshin.

In the Japanese App, there’s no doubt that the MC is depicted to be a lot more patient and tolerating. I suppose you could argue that that’s the kind of person that’s needed to fall in love with an intense character like Kenshin.

But if the ‘Miss Sass’ thing seeds into Kenshin’s Main Route in how it’s depicted in English; and becomes this competition for fucking dominance, given Miss Sass’s no bullshit and judgmental attitude...I really don’t know how I’m going to feel about it (I actually do --- but let’s not make this post more profane and unprintable than it needs to be). 

Hehe 😅 And there you have it, I’ve had my fill~

As with anything when it comes to these rants, if you have your own arguments, disagreements or opinions on anything that has been said, please feel free to comment, message, reblog -- coupled with a degree of civility, of course.

I’ll be more than happy to start discussions with people, ENG and JP users alike; and other users from other walks of life for that matter~ ^_^ Cheers everyone and stay kind~

-Hikari <3

[20yearstostart]

Sunday 19th August, 2018

Dear Blank, 

I don’t know what to say... I am not okay or maybe I am, but I’m not feeling enough so I’m not okay.  

I don’t even know how I’m feeling. 

I found a boy. 

He is my friends with benefit, and he is so sweet. He is the one who can shuffle cards, and he cuddles me and holds me, stroking my hair, and for those few minutes, I wish I could lay like that forever. It’s been so long since someone took care of me, it’s been so long since I felt someone’s body against mine, I feel so overwhelmed. 

I want to run away from it, and I want to hide in him at once. 

But he won’t let me run away, because he’s holding on to me tightly, but he won’t let me hide in him too. 

I don’t love him or like him romantically, but I feel like just by being with him I am dragging into a mess that he shouldn’t be in. He is just a fucking kid, and I’m telling him the deepest shit from my life... He is just a kid, he will be so upset once he finds out how truly fucked up I am. 

I am on call with him right now, because I am so stupid, and clumsy and can’t do everything right, and I messed up and sent him the wrong snap. And he screenshotted like he screenshots everything, and then became nosy, and was like hoe, whats this?

I tried avoiding it but it didn’t work, and now its 2:35am on a Monday, and I feel better. 

But the thing is, this is momentary. It will fade away, and I’ll go back to feeling like I’m trapped in a life that doesn’t belong to me. 

I’ll make this one about him, the handsome, intelligent and amazing kid. He told me not call him a kid, because he is just childish, but is more mature than me. I’m rolling my eyes, Blank, and I’m sure so are you. 

He is adorable, sweet and so so innocent. 

Also, I don’t think he realises when I call people kid, I’m actually making them a permanent part of my life. Almost like I’m letting them in, ya feel, Blank?

Sometimes I get so scared he’ll think that I’ve started to love him. The thing is I won’t and if I do, I’ll fall out of it in an instant before he could even realise it, because my brain will tell me how wonderful and beautiful he is, and how I’m nothing compared to that. 

He is so kind to me, and he kisses me. He holds my hand even though his potential girlfriends might see just because I like it. But I take my hand away because I don’t want people to know that something is happening between us. It makes him look bad. 

He snapped me a picture of myself, ordering coffee, and I was repulsed by it. I woke up the next morning, looked at it, and still felt like puking when I saw how much of the screen space I took. But he, he took that picture, tried my drink, kissed me and then made out with me in the park on a rainy afternoon. 

How could he do that?

Is he really that desperate?

But he is so attractive and tall. His laugh is cute as well, and his brain is super smart, and his funny. He can easily find a girl, but he sure does know how to pick’em. I’m not faking about Crim girl, Blank, she’s cool. I’m about quiz, and she pisses me off. 

He pretends to be all tough, mean and judgmental, but he is the softest little puddle of puppy cuteness you’ll ever find. And his adorable puppy dog eyes are just proof of that, but that goddamn girl. That girl is using him. 

But I got mad at him tonight, so he told her it was the last time he was “helping” her. Help? She was honeybaiting him into doing her quizzes, and he is stupid enough to do it in the name of friendship. 

The thing is I have friends, we are friends. But I don’t ask him to take a quiz for me, even when we have the same classes. No, instead, I would ask for his help and then work on it. 

He is a great friend though. He is always paitent, and listening. His words can sometimes seem harsh, but they are always made with the warmest of intentions, that make it smoothly sink down your throat sweetly. 

Also, he gives me his scarfs because: 1) I get cold, quicker than a freshly landed grandma from fiji. 2) I love the way he smells, so he gives it to me so I can sleep with it. 

The last time I went to his house, we fucked. 

It was amazing, he was amazing. 

He loves seeing my reactions when he fingers me, and I love sucking his dick lmao. I didn’t know I’d be a dick sucker, turns out I am. 

He is so perfect, its so hard not to fall in love with him, but it’s easy for me not to. 

I won’t ruin a good friendship and fuck buddy, because of the new shiny thing is momentarily blinding me from the reality of love never really existing. 

I mean, love does, just not for me. 

Blank, I sent an application to the counsellors; I am scared now. I am so afraid, I don’t know what to do. And I have exams coming up but omg, I don’t think I can do it. 

Fuck, Blank.

It’s almost as if I’m ruining my life, myself. 

Also, he says stuff that I need to hear. He makes me believe him, and I don’t like it. It will end in pain anyways, it’ll hurt less if this stopped now, but he won't let go. 

At least not yet, I am still shining and fresh out of the package. I still smell of plastic and factory chemicals, but once the smells disappear and my colours fade, he’ll leave. It’s just a matter of time; for him to leave, and for me to get myself ready. 

Btw, he is amazing, handsome, smart, tall, intelligent, can play the piano, is funny, makes the best fanfics, and has three hands Blank. He is truly wonderful and I hope he finds a girl just as amazing. 

THE SKY:

I haven’t seen much of the sky recently, but the last I remember was in his kitchen. He was washing the dishes, and I was cutting the ingredients because he wanted to make food together. I remember looking out and seeing a clear blue sky with the fluffiest whites clouds, and his face in front of it. 

His adorable sloping nose, and short eyelashes. He is truly beautiful, and when his dark brown eyes meet mine, it makes my tummy stop, and then he places his hands on my waist, pulls me closer and kisses me. 

It makes my tummy churn, and I ask him if he feels the same in his tummy. He says no, and I look out the window and realised it was a cloudy day after all. It was raining when I came over to his house. 

I am always the silly one. 

omfg, blank, i swear i do not like him. 

not edited

[cawfulopinions]

Earthbound: A First Timer’s Perspective, Over 20 Years Later

I was born too late to enjoy Earthbound when it was new. The game came out in 1995, a year after I was born, and around the time the SNES had begun to give way to the Nintendo 64. Any excitement about a potential entry in the series for the N64 passed me right on by, and, like so many other people my age, my first experience with the series was when Earthbound’s main character, Ness, appeared in the Smash Brothers series. As a teenager, in the beginnings of the emulation age, friends recommended it to me, but the game’s slow start and strange aesthetics never quite grabbed me. It wasn’t until it finally got a Virtual Console release for the New 3DS that I finally sat down and actually played it, and even then it was as a “rainy day” kind of game.

Which is how I ended up in the strange situation where most of my experience with Earthbound and the themes that went into it came from games that were most influenced by it, particularly Undertale, a game so bleeding in influence from Earthbound that I’d almost call it a spiritual successor. It’s no surprise that this is the case -- its creator, Toby Fox, has history in the Earthbound fangame community, and has specifically cited Earthbound as an influence in how he wrote Undertale. 

Playing it now, more than twenty years after its initial release, long after the franchise came to an end, I can now see everything I missed in the time since then, and everything I’ve missed since then. There’s something about the game, from its simplistic, charming presentation, to its surprisingly introspective moments, to its cartoonish enemies and its overall optimistic view of the world that spoke to me in ways I can’t put into words (though I’m sure as hell going to try).

Earthbound starts off generically enough -- the player controlled character, Ness (I hesitate to call Ness “you” in this instance, for reasons that are obvious to anyone who’s played the game), is told that he has a grand destiny requiring him and three other children to go on a journey to face a grand evil named Giygas. At the behest of a magic bee, he sets off to record the sounds of the “Your Sanctuaries” around the world so that he can gain the strength needed to fight Giygas, and unite with the other destined youths who’ll help him on this journey.

And when you start off the game, Ness is completely alone on this journey. These beginning parts of the game are easily the toughest parts of the game -- it’s Ness against the world, and with just his baseball bat and a couple of not-so-great psychic spells at his disposal, the world’s pretty willing to stomp all over Ness. I remember spending a good chunk of my first few hours running back home for free healing before trying again and again to get past the current plot obstacle.

And Ness is alone for a good chunk of the game -- your first party member, Paula, you don’t meet in proper until after you get past the game’s second town, and you have to actually rescue her from the boss of the third town before you can use her. There’s a good chance you’ll actually accidentally tackle the second Your Sanctuary before you save her, too.

Every time I got a new party member, I felt like things were starting to get a little bit smoother. And that’s not a statement to Earthbound’s detriment -- with every friend Ness met along the way, I felt the world open a little wider. Things that I struggled with before I had no problems with now.

And this went the other way too -- every time a character had to leave my party, I yearned for them to come back. There’s a part where Paula gets kidnapped again in Fourside, and suddenly I realized just how much I wanted her back when I realized how much Ness and Jeff struggled without her. At one point, Poo leaves the party to become stronger, and even though I’d barely used him at that point, I felt incomplete without him around. When he triumphantly came back at the end of Deep Darkness, everything finally felt right again.

Earthbound is a game that’s generally light on the characterization and plot, and Ness’s group is no exception to this. I think each of them has maybe five lines total in-game. But even with that, I felt attached to these kids and their journey through the game itself.

Even with how sparse it is, though, there’s something about Earthbound’s writing that really sticks with me. There’s a dryness to it that’s definitely indicative of the era it was written in, but there’s a quirkiness to a lot of it too, and more than that, there’s an earnestness to it that’s very welcome. Nothing ever feels like it was written just to take a potshot at someone (...except for the club from the above screenshot. That one might just be a potshot :V). Eagleland, the country the majority of the game takes place in, is so obviously a pastiche of what Japan thinks America is like, but it never passes into the territory of parody.

That’s without even getting into the general acceptance the game gives to some of the weirder bits of it. Like the guy who wants to talk to a mad scientist so he can get himself turned into a giant dungeon, because he loves dungeons that much. Or the monkey colony in a hole in desert, lead by a monkey Dalai Lama. Or the sesame seed you can talk to in that same desert that yearns for its partner, which is another sesame seed. These scenarios are all presented in the only way Earthbound knows how: completely straight-lacedly.

Something I found interesting early on is that even though the main characters are all children, the majority of the NPCs you interact with are adults. And none of these characters are really villainous. Antagonistic, yes, and occasionally you do have boss fights with them. But on the whole, these characters are helpful or at least earnest with their intentions. And there’s no real judgment toward the party for their friendship with people much older than them. For example, early on, it’s established that Paula is good friends with Everdred, the local crook, and it’s the party’s friendship with the Runaway Five that helps them out of several jams during the story.

Another thing is that, aside from one character very early on (who is a literal magic bee), no one dies in Earthbound. Random encounters are generally animals, monsters, or inanimate objects that have been compelled to fight you by Giygas’ evil influence, or they’re aliens and robots that follow Giygas and are here to invade earth. When you defeat them, animals become tame, plants and objects return to normal, and robots are turned to scrap metal. For a genre generally defined by its protagonists basically being D&D Murderhobos, it’s a surprisingly nonviolent take.

Even though the story is established early on, Earthbound really doesn’t spend a lot of time focusing on the ultimate goal of the journey. The game is separated into small arcs, each focusing on their own subjects and characters and plot bosses, with the common factor generally just being the influence of Giygas on whoever the head honcho is of the current problem. And the problems of those small arcs are so often small in the scale of the world-ending horror Giygas is supposed to be. The first major threat you take on is a cult that wants to paint the world blue, after all!

I think this is part of why Earthbound’s creepier moments (like Noonside and Giygas himself) stick out so hard to people -- they don’t fit with the calm, homey atmosphere of the game until this point. But I think that’s important too -- Earthbound is, ultimately, a game where the villain is the concept of evil itself. And what does evil take the form of in Earthbound? Something incomprehensible, something that doesn’t fit with the world until this point. It’s Noonside, where yes is no and the people are being manipulated by an evil idol. It’s Giygas, who has become so consumed by evil that he’s become something eldritch.

For how grand your journey is made out to be at the start, for the majority of the game, it feels very relaxed, almost homey. The plot really doesn’t ever kick into high gear -- your fight with Giygas comes nearly immediately after getting the final Your Sanctuary and going through Magicant, and Magicant itself is kind of homey and introspective -- it’s a journey through Ness’s mind, and on a whole, everything there is very chill.

(Ness’ Nightmare can go suck a dick, though.)

There’s something almost coming-of-agey about Earthbound. I say “almost”, because you don’t really learn much about Ness himself, but that’s the kind of journey you feel like you’re having. I feel like this is best evidenced with the Your Sanctuary sections, where, in each one, Ness has a vision of himself as a young child, and his family around him. It’s a story about Ness’s growth, even if we don’t concretely see what that growth is. And at the end of the game, after the threat’s all taken care of, you’re given time to go back to talk to everyone you’ve met along the way and retrace your steps back home, if you so want. 

It’s all very cozy. It’s all very friendly. I’d say it’s not the kind of RPG I’ve ever played before, but I played Undertale first. But even with that foreknowledge, the further I went into Earthbound, the more I realized that Undertale is bleeding in its Earthbound influence. Everything about how Undertale is written, how it approaches morality, its combat, the journey you take, it’s all clearly born out of Earthbound. I’d even go so far as to say that the meta-role of the player in Undertale and Earthbound is very similar, too -- because in Earthbound, you are who saves the day in the end. The characters pray to you for help, and you, the player, are stated as praying for them to win. You beat Giygas in the end.

I’m not sure how much I have to say about Earthbound that other people haven’t said already in much cleaner or plainer terms. But it absolutely touched me. I suddenly understand why it’s as beloved of a game as it is, why people have clamored for Mother 3 to get an official release for so long, why it was such an influence on other RPG developers over time. I’d say I want more games like it, but I’m not sure any other game could scratch the same itch that Earthbound did for me. But now that I’ve played it, I feel like it’s filled a yearning I didn’t even realize I had.

Maybe that’s enough for me.

[taeminsphltrum]

Act of Kindness | 02 |

01 | 03 | 04 | 05 | 06 | 07

Yoo Kihyun | Fake relationship!AU | Fluff | Smut

Since day one, boundaries and personal space were never really part of the picture.

His hands are fidgeting when you spot him. Lip caught in between his teeth, eyes quickly scanning the room as he looks for you or anyone who could possibly notice him. There are only a few other people in the library, minding their business with their noses in the books in front of them.

 "Hey,“ you say softly when you’re next to his seated body, gently touching his shoulder. You feel when his body starts and then he’s looking up at you with wide eyes before he’s sighing in relief. 

 He pulls out the seat next to him and you sit in it, putting your bag on the table in front of you. 

“I’m sorry to ask you to meet me so late,” he utters, hand going up to scratch at the back of his neck.

It’s after ten and you have to wake up at eight in the morning, and you don’t know how long this conversation will take, but you’re sure with his busy life this was the earliest he could schedule this talk so you just shrug, not bothered by the time.

“It’s cool. How are you?”

Kihyun looks taken aback by your words, head leaning back in the slightest and eyes growing in size, and then he’s chuckling to himself.

“Emotionally, I’m definitely better than last night. But with this scandal,” he sighs, putting his elbow on the table then resting his chin in his open palm. “the members and the company have been on my ass all day about it. What about you?”

After seeing the pictures and doing some research you didn’t bother looking at what was being said about the situation, or scandal as Kihyun said. Not that you aren’t curious, but you’d rather just not know if people are being rude or disrespectful especially when it’s not what they all think. The only thing you know is one of his fans called you pretty, and you only know that because Krystal sent you a screenshot.

This is the first time you’ve stepped out the house today so it’s not like anyone could’ve spotted you. It was the perfect day to binge watch a new Netflix series.

“It’s not really affecting me,” you reply sheepishly, eyes drifting from his face to the floor. 

You feel bad for putting him in this position, but at the same time, you’re happy you stopped to have that talk with him because as he said before, he’s a lot better emotionally. If it weren’t for you, he would most likely still be crying alone and hiding his true feelings away from his members and the world.

“That’s good,” he nods. “You don’t seem to be getting much hate either.”

That makes you look back up at him. 

His exhaustion is too blatant to miss. You’re sure he just wants to be in bed instead of at a dead library in the middle of the night talking to the girl that has caused more stress in his life.

“So what’s the plan?” you ask, putting some pep in your voice. “You said it’s not as easy as telling them I was a fan passing by so what is it we can do?”

When he starts biting on his bottom lip again you know you’re going to be told bad news. Kihyun studies you for a while, thinking about what he’s going to say to you. 

“Starship- my company- wants us to date,” he says slowly. 

And there’s drift in the atmosphere.

You don’t mean to let your mask slip, but you can’t help the way your face twists up in a mixture of confusion and distaste.

“You’re kidding,” you deadpan.

“This scandal has given us a lot of attention and if they confirm it then it could be beneficial to all of us, including you.”

You laugh dryly at his last two words.

This situation can’t benefit you in any way. The only things you’ll get out of this is attention, possibly more compliments, hate, and possible stalkers. You don’t hate attention and you have tough skin, but this isn’t really the life you want to live. You could’ve just auditioned to be famous for this type of treatment.

“Benefit me? Yeah, okay.”

He shrugs. “I mean, I’m an interesting, nice looking guy. I’ve been told I give the best hugs and that I’m a great kisser.”

You scoff at his self-praise and nod. “Right. That’s not convincing me at all.”

“You didn’t let me finish,” Kihyun says with a wink. “In addition to being around this handsome, kind hearted, funny guy… I would love to have you around when I break down again,” the greasy look from before is exchanged with genuity when he realizes his attractiveness isn’t the way to your heart and you catch a glimpse of the stranger you met on the corner of the street before his next words are spilling from his mouth. “Plus, you’d be getting a check out of it.” 

Your eyes squint at him as he reaches for and grabs your hand that’s on top of the table. How did he go from looking like a nervous mess to bribing you and putting the moves on you? 

“A check?” you parrot.

“Depends on how long you stick around. You could get anything starting from one grand to fifteen grand…”

It takes you a while to process his words. His company is willing to pay you that much just to date him? You understand you kind of put them in the spotlight but damn that’s an awfully big bribe. 

And you’d be stupid as hell not to take it.

“How long do you need me?”

A smile breaks loose on his face and the hand on top of yours is squeezing. 

“If you can make it to a month we’ll talk about how much you’ll be getting. But you can’t be a lousy girlfriend.”

You snort at his words. Why would you even dare to be a lousy girlfriend when such a large amount of money is on the table. You’re not even a greedy or materialistic girl, but this money could definitely help with college and you’ll possibly even have some extra to keep for a very rainy day.

“I’ll be the best damn girlfriend and therapist you’ve ever had.”

◅ ▻

“No one, not even family can know.”

You want to scream.

It’s been a week since you went up to Starship and talked to the CEO and things have been quiet. Well, aside from them confirming the relationship with a picture you hadn’t known was taken before; the two of you sitting on the sidewalk intensely staring at each other that one eventful night. It looked like gazes of love, but in all actuality, it was nothing but concern on your side and hurt and frustration on his.

Oh, and aside from your name, age and where you work being told to the public. You expected everyone knowing your name and age, but someone in the comments just had to tell everyone oh that’s the girl that works at Ahn’s Cafe. 

Some people had things to say about you being younger than him, but just like last time, you prefer not to know what is being said. Krystal, still just as clueless as everyone else and still fuming at the fact you’ve been silent and pretty much ignoring all of her questions dealing with Kihyun, has continued to send things that caught her eye. If she thinks you should know what’s being said, she’ll send you screenshots.

The things you actually have seen range from:

oh i thought he liked older girls

i mean she is cute

ahhh look at the way she looks at him

You might be going crazy.

Every time you think about the situation it has you laughing. 

Thanks to your new relationship your job has also gained a lot of popularity. And it’s not even like they all come into the cafe and order something so that they can stalk you. No. The majority of them are outside the cafe, peeking inside through the glass of the doors and windows. You wish you could just give them the biggest mean mug ever so that they would back up, but you have to give off a friendly vibe. 

Starship wants you to keep at least a pleasant look on your face. They know smiling through all of the bull shit is impossible, but you all have an image to keep up. 

All you want to do is vent to someone. No doubt you can make it through the fake smiles and attention, but having to keep it all in is going to drive you nuts. 

Krystal has so many questions and you have all the answers and so much more you want to let her know, but when you signed that contract you promised not tell a single soul. Of course you trust Krystal, but there’s always the possibility of her slipping up and you can’t let that happen. 

And it’s not like you can vent to Kihyun.

First of all, he’s pretty much still a stranger. He knows nothing about you other than the things that have been posted and your address, and you know nothing about him. He’s busy as hell, especially now that a comeback is around the corner, so his manager says. You haven’t even spoken to him since that night at the library. You caught a quick glimpse of him when you were leaving the CEO’s office. He smiled and nodded while the rest of the group stared and you could even feel their eyes on your back as you walked out the building. 

Kihyun has sent you a few texts, asking how you’re holding up. The conversations always go the same; he asks if you’re okay, you say yes and make a joke about having your own fanbase(at least that’s what Krystal has been jokingly saying) or about how well your pictures came out that day, he laughs and says something cheesy about understanding why because you’re some adjective alike to gorgeous and a good person, you ask him how he’s been and he tells you about how tired, excited, or bored he is before both of you are saying goodnight.

You’re glad you didn’t get stuck with a stuck-up, narcissistic asshole who doesn’t give a shit about how you’re handling the situation.

But then again you doubt you would even be in this position if he was that type of guy.

You kind of feel bad that you still haven’t saved his number.

Secondly, talking to Kihyun about it would barely make you feel better. He knows everything already and there are no words of wisdom or encouragement that he can give you to make you feel better.

It’s not like you’re dying or anything but it would be nice to have someone for your sanity.

Tonight is super dead at Ahn’s and your boss would probably kill you if he saw you sitting at one of the booths near the front counter with your head down on the table. Your arms are terrible pillows but you’re more concerned about how bored and tired you are. It’s too early to start cleaning up and you’re the last one here, so why not rest until a customer comes? If anyone even comes. It’s nine on a Wednesday night. Why is the cafe even open right now?

A bell ringing signals a new customer and you internally groan as you sit upright and put on a genuine enough smile to greet them. 

“Hey, beautiful.”

Seven guys are piling into the cafe when you look up and Kihyun is walking up to you immediately, embracing you into a tight hug.

You freeze under his hold as your eyes stay on the group of guys at the door who are staring right back at you. Once you finally get some sense, you’re hugging him back. 

You wonder if anybody was following them here and he’s putting on an act. It’s hard to tell when he’s never been one for personal space in the first place.

“It’s been a long day and we still have to practice more, so we came by to get some coffee,” he explains. “Plus, I really needed another hug.”

And that explains why he clings onto you until someone is groaning out a playful okay we get it.

You’re kind of embarrassed so you quickly step away from him in favor of going behind the counter and beckoning them over so they can order. You doubt they want to be here for longer than necessary. 

Once again, you can feel eyes burning your back as you make each drink and you’re itching to turn around and ask them why the hell they’re staring so damn hard, but you refrain from doing so. They’re probably just curious about who just got stuck with Kihyun and what kind of person you are.

“If you have any questions, comments or concerns you can voice them now instead of staring holes into my back,” you say with a light voice and a smile when you turn back to them, handing a few of them their drinks.

One with silver and blue hair laughs and raises his cup to you before taking a sip. “I like her,” he says to Kihyun, causing the latter to roll his eyes.

“Yeah me too. I get to touch and hold a pretty little therapist whenever I please,” he smirks at him with a wink.

You openly snort at his words as you turn back around to finish the last few drinks.

“You’re only touching me when we need to make a show for your fans and paparazzi,” you remind him. “Or if you’re greeting me,” you add in quickly, not wanting to be too harsh but putting down some rules. 

Yes, he does give the best hugs, but you’re not one for unnecessary touching.

Childish ooo’s come from behind you and you stifle a laugh and shake your head.

After handing the rest of them their drinks, they say their goodbyes and start walking out. But Kihyun stays behind.

“Starship wants us to get together soon to discuss details about our relationship so that the public can shut the fuck up and stop asking so many questions,” he says, soon after drinking from his cup before wincing at the temperature of it.

You nod, grabbing a rag and proceeding to wipe the counters off. 

“And when exactly is soon?”

“In a couple days most likely.”

Most likely.

You have to know when so that you can ask someone else to take your shift, but you know he probably doesn’t have the answers to your questions, so you just leave it alone for now. 

When you turn back to him he’s smiling at you softly. 

“What?” you ask, looking around the room dumbly.

He just shakes his head before walking to the door.

“See you soon, gorgeous.”

[gguktastic]

He Tasted Like Love // D. H. X READER

NOTE : I didn't exactly understand the 'doesn't want kids' part, so I'm just gonna see it as 'is not ready for a relationship'. I'm so sorry for disappointing :( Warnings - swear words, vague mention of sex, very very boring and shit. ALSO YA'LL I HATE MYSELF I HAD THIS WRITTEN AND THEN I FORGOT ABOUT THIS I AM SORRY TO WHOEVER LOOK FORWARD TO IT LETS GO ON TO THE FANFIC SHALL WE // "DAN! PHIL! IN THE KITCHEN, THIS FUCKING INSTANT!" It was a rainy and miserable Saturday, and all I wanted were some mini Easter eggs to snack on, seeing as my room mates had bought them for a YouTube video on their very famous channel, but hadn't used them in the end. However, when I slouched to the kitchen to have some, well, you can guess what I discovered. Dan and Phil both grumpily walked into the kitchen. "[Y/N], it's fucking ten AM, you'd better have a good reason to wake us up at such an early hour," said Dan. Cue eye roll. "Who ate the mini Easter eggs?" I asked, cutting straight to the point. Both the boys straightened up, their cheeks painted in a light blush. "I'm sorry for eating a quarter of it, [Y/N]," said Dan, evidently guilty. "Ugh, whatever." "I'm sorry for eating the mini Easter eggs, [Y/N]!" Said Phil. I smiled at him. "It's okay, Phil. Just don't do that next time." Dan flared up. "What?!" He said, his voice high pitched. "So I'm dismissed rudely for eating, like, just a quarter of the pack, and Phil here is given a smile for eating the rest of it? This isn't fair!" He yelled, like a toddler. I laughed. "Dan! You're not a five year old anymore. Deal with it." Saying so, I simply walked out of the kitchen after pouring myself a bowlful of Dan's cereal. Right after me, Dan stomped out, and Phil stayed behind to give me a high-five (which completely flopped). Hello there. My name is [Y/N], and I'm a [INSERT DREAM CAREER HERE]. Three years ago, I found an advertisement in the newspaper by some Dan and Phil, who were apparently looking for a room mate. Since my current room mate threw wild parties at the apartment every other day and made me help her clean up, which basically meant she would sleep off her hangover, and I would end up cleaning the whole thing. On top of that, I'd been paying her monthly rent for around two years. Since I couldn't really afford to pay two people's rent or rent out an apartment of my own, I decided to ring the guys, whom I met the next day as I looked at their apartment after a coffee with them. I found out they were actually big-time YouTubers, so I pointed out that giving off their address and phone number like that could get them some serious stalkers. They said they had thought about it, and had decided to use a different phone number for calling, and to actually meet the person before taking them to their apartment to show them around. Still, dangerous. I, to this day, still didn't know why they were looking for a room mate, but I longer really cared. All that mattered was that none of them had tried to get in my pants. I was a sister to them, and to me, they were like brothers. However, I'm not going to deny that I have had a crush on Dan ever since I moved in, three years ago. I mean, could you blame me? Tall, dark hair, chocolate brown eyes, and those dimples? Irresistible. I shook my head, and proceeded to drown my feelings out with cereal. // Two days later, I waved goodbye to them as they got into a cab, on their way to the airport to leave for Singapore, and then, Australia, for a YouTube event. I sighed as the cab sped off. 'It's getting bored for a week now, great.' A day later, I was sitting in the lounge, re watching old episodes of Attack On Titan, wincing at all the gore and blood, when all of a sudden my phone began to explode with notifications. When I say 'explode with notifications', my phone literally fell of the table because it was vibrating that much. Twitter. Tumblr. Instagram. What on Earth even happened? I opened tumblr first, that's what mattered. All I saw on my dashboard was a picture of Dan, standing in front of the Merlion statue, mouth open, and in such a position that it looked like the water spouting out of the Merlion's mouth seemed like it was going directly into Dan's mouth. The caption? 'Yes quench my thirst Merlion dad.' I face palmed. Typical Dan. I scrolled a bit, and came across a picture of Phil, attempting the same thing Dan did and completely missing. I laughed, shaking my head. Those two, I swear. Again, two hours later, my phone exploded with notifications, thankfully not falling off the table this time (mostly because I was sensible enough to keep it away from the edge of the table.) I opened my Twitter this time. All I saw were the words 'Dan' and 'ripped jeans'. I finally found a picture. God damn. I'm not going to lie at all, but Dan look hot in ripped jeans, and my eyes bugged out looking at the picture of him. Oh lord, I need to stop. I got some more of Dan's cereal, to drown my feelings out: again. // A few days later, I woke up to the same thing happening. What did Dan do this time? I chose to go for Dan's Instagram this time. I felt my heart stop for a second. It was Dan, sat on a stool, wearing ripped jeans, and a long, feminine-cut flannel shirt. There was a smirk on his face, as he sat, legs apart. My breathing felt laboured. Oh, fuck. I immediately took a screenshot of the picture, and opened up the Messages app, just to shoot a quick text to Dan. [Y/N] - What is up with that fuckboi selfie? I sent the screenshot. A minute later, I got a reply. Danyul - Lmao I thought I was looking good wait I am looking good rite ;)) I laughed and replied. [Y/N] - you looked good but kinda like a fuck boy, js Danyul - ugh I want to kms now [Y/N] - nO you look like a good fuckboi Danyul - omfg what is wrong with u what is a good fuckboi [Y/N] - ugh whatever, I'll Skype you guys after your show, text me when ur done Danyul - lmao okay fine then ttyl enjoy the silence at home [Y/N] - I will dw, you enjoy australia Dan and Phil's meet and greet had probably started, that could be why he didn't reply, but just read the text. // "What the hell were you thinking, Dan?" I was skyping with the boys, and as soon as they picked up my Skype call, I called out Dan for the mirror selfie he'd posted a few hours earlier. "So I wasn't looking good?" He asked, a smirk on his face. Phil laughed as I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Yes, Danny boi, you looked good, kind of like a fuckboi - a good looking one at that - and you probably made the hearts of around a million girls from around the world stop and cause their 'deaths', as far as I saw on tumblr. Also, Phil, if you ever take a fuckboi selfie like that, apparently people are going to 'float out of their body and transcend into nine different dimensions," I said, making Dan laugh like a hyena and Phil stick out his tongue in the adorable way he does when he laughs. "You can tell them all, that is not happening any time soon," Phil said, and I laughed in reply. "Well I'm going to change out of these clothes now because my sweatpants are calling my name, I'll be right back," said Dan, disappearing into the bathroom with a pair of sweatpants and a tee. "[Y/N], spill." Demanded Phil, as soon as he thought Dan was out of earshot. I was taken aback, confused. "Spill? About what?" "Um? About the fact that you really, really 'like' like Dan?" I blushed visibly. "I - but - just that, I'm not ready for a relationship yet," I say, my voice getting quieter by the second. Phil's face softened and looked almost sad. "Todd?" "Todd." Todd was my ex-boyfriend, whom I broke up with only a few months ago after I found out that his 'helpful' colleague had been way too 'helpful' to him. It just made me not trust anyone else at all for a while and mainly just stop thinking about being in a relationship. I jumped back to the present as I heard Dan shut the bathroom door behind him and enter the frame. Phil and I put our happy faces back on as we talked till the sun came up, the dim light seeping through my partially open curtains. // "[Y/N], I'm hurt! Why wouldn't you come to pick us up from the airport?" Dan yelled, as soon as him and Phil entered through the front door of our apartment. I ran down the stairs to the actual door to the apartment. "Well, Dan and Phil, you'll find out when you go get changed and come into the kitchen!" I said, panting after the exercise. They looked at me, then each other, then shrugged. "[Y/N], it'd better be good, I'm still a bit offended." Said Dan, making Phil and I laugh as he nudged my shoulder while going up the stairs. In reply, Phil obviously raised his eyebrows at me and I bit my lip, slightly shrugging. Phil smiled and patted my shoulder as he climbed up the stairs and walked past me to get to his room. As soon as they were both in their rooms, I got my 'surprise' - successfully green velvet cupcakes after their fail at making them green once before- out of the oven, a sweet smell spreading around the kitchen. I then 'silently' ran to my room, grabbing a bunch of pillows. Phil was the first one to get out of his room, dressed in his classic, old gengar shirt and a pair of Star Wars pyjamas. I gently threw a pillow at him, Phil struggling to catch it. We had a mental conversation. 'Pillow fight?' 'Pillow fight.' 'Attack Dan when he gets out of the room?' 'Attack Dan when he gets out of the room.' We nodded, and put our backs to the walls on either side of the door, clutching our pillows tightly. We had to keep ourselves from bursting into giggles, but after a few minutes of waiting, we finally heard the doorknob turning. I looked up at Phil, and we grinned. 3... 2... 1... The door opened fully and I yelled out a war cry, slamming my pillow onto Dan's face, and then so did Phil. I threw the third and last pillow towards Dan, and Phil and I ran. It must've taken a moment for Dan to realise what was happening, because I was almost to the lounge when I heard Dan's footsteps on the floor. I stopped for a breath in front of the lounge, but Dan caught up. He was only a few steps behind me when I made the stupid decision of running into the lounge, which Dan then rushed into, closing the door behind him so I had no escape. He grinned evilly, and I resorted to darting to different sides of the room to avoid his pillow, but then I felt his arms around my waist, and I squealed. I felt myself rise up a few centimetres from the floor. "Dan! Let me go!" I said, giggling. I heard Dan laugh as he set me down on the floor again. I decided to run while I could, but me being me, I stubbed my toe on the edge of a couch. I fell to the floor, groaning in pain. Dan sat down beside me. "You're the only person I can trust to do something like that," he said, chuckling. I pouted, lightly hitting him on the shoulder. "Daaaaan," I whined. "It huuuuurts." I pouted some more. To make it feel better, Dan stomped his heel on the toe I had stubbed. I sharply gasped, and Dan burst out in his hyena laugh. All of a sudden, I felt him draw me closer to him, his arms around my waist, his head resting in the crook of my neck, bodies close together. After a second of not realising what was happening, I finally clasped my hands behind his neck, hugging him back. He smelt of vanilla and coffee; he felt like a summer day after months of winter. His breath against my cold neck, hot. "Hey, [Y/N], I know it's a really hard time for you after Tony, and you're really, really brave to be dealing with it like this, sometimes I forget that something so shit has happened to someone as beautiful as you; it shouldn't have, ever." His chapped lips forming the words against the bare skin of my neck sent shivers down my spine: the good kind. I let the first of the tears fall, wetting his shirt. When Dan hugged me tighter, pulling us together so close that I could feel his heartbeat, I let go. "[Y/N]. I know you won't like this, but I just have to say that I really, really like you. I overheard you talking to Phil about me the other day, and since then, I've been thinking, and I really, really, really like you. You can say no, I would understand." I pulled away from the hug, eyes wide, and hesitantly pulled him in for a kiss. He tasted like mint chocolate; his lips were softer sandpaper against my completely smooth lips. His hand was warm as it cupped my cheek, the other hand behind my back, pulling me closer to him. He tasted like love.

[brieflyprofoundsandwich]

Linking decision manufacturers to a vibrant network of information, ideas and also people, Bloomberg promptly and precisely delivers organisation and monetary information, news as well as insight around the world. In the mid-fourteenth century, the town was moved and also transferred in between the White and the Black Dunajec Rivers. Copyright © 2013-2017 Podhalańska Państwowa Wyższa Szkoła Zawodowa w Nowym Targu. Agencies might establish Recent Graduate Programs over of 1 year if the training demands of a specific placement require a longer as well as much more organized program. Nasz Box jest centrum społeczności CrossFit którą razem tworzymy, w której nawzajem się motywujemy i wspieramy oraz dobrze bawimy. We extremely advise the cabin for any individual planning to get closer to nature - fantastic for couples and family members! 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