#can i just get a break today

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Good morning, Sleepyhead.

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[chitinleg]

got him off-balance!

[musubiki]

danmarch 🐉💎

[fisheito]

wasn't sure if i could stick to a proper theme for morv week but i like morv so i made him happen

[cerise-on-top]

how long do you think it takes Kate and Valeria to day ‘I love you’ to their s/o’s? love ur stuff fyi!!! 💚

Hello! Thank you for liking my stuff, I hope this is enjoyable to you as well! I think it would take the both of them quite a while to say it!

When do Valeria and Laswell Finally Say “I Love You”?

Valeria: It would take her a while to say it. I mean, once she’s with you, she’s already smitten, but she says “I love you” in different ways that aren’t just saying those three words. Valeria courts you with lots of gifts, that much is true, but the closest thing you’ll ever hear from her that resembles a “You have my heart, I love you more than the sun loves the moon, than the ocean loves the land” would be her spending a day with you where she isn’t spending copious amounts of money on you. But that’s not what you asked. Valeria will tell you that she loves you when you’re feeling insecure since she never says it, but on her own accord? It would likely be a year or longer into your relationship, on one of those nights where the two of you are lying in bed together, just talking about your lives, what you’ve been through and how it’s shaped you as people. Just venting your worries, voicing your appreciation for each other and how you’ve helped one another. It’s during such a night, when you’ve gone quiet for a moment, that Valeria would hold you close and tell you, in a voice softer than what you’re used to normally from her, that she loves you.

Laswell: Like Valeria, she shows her love for you through different means. While she may be a gift giver as well, she also shows you how much she loves you by doing anything you may or may not ask of her. From chores, to walking your pet, to cooking you some stew when you’re sick. Laswell doesn’t say that she loves you from the get go either, it would take her several months to a year for her to say it. But when she does, it doesn’t seem like a special moment to anyone else. You’re probably hanging up your freshly washed clothes while she’s sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in hand. Laswell would get up, give you a kiss on your cheek, and tell you that she loves you so very dearly. She was overcome with adoration for you during that moment and needed to show you that she loves you. It’s afterwards that you get a lot more I love yous from her. Not on the daily still, but they would be more common. She will always, and I mean always, accompany her I love yous with some form of affectionate gesture, regardless of whether it be a kiss to your temple, a hug from behind, or a small lovely rose she found in a flower shop. You will always be taken care of and loved.

[averlym]

miscellany (again),, tags in the last image by @pyrotechnicarus

[why-the-heck-not]

19.12.23, tuesday

0.5h of coding lol

wasn’t having the best day so decided to finally watch the barbie-movie (it’s on hbo rn) bc figured that could cheer me up

but bc the universe loves a good timing, on the grocery store trip after, some dudes came to me like ”which one of us would u fuck?” and that annoyed me way more than it should’ve. Like cmon, it’s 10pm at a grocery store; if you’re not cottage cheese or olive oil get tf out of my face

just a short evening walk bc it was windy and I was annoyed

[n3ongold3n]

I am the luckiest betch alive - not one but two amazing people gifted me a käärijä drawing 😭💞💚 This one is from @sunflora-seeds and i cannot describe how much i love it.

[moeblob]

What Deacon thinks: what did that mean? did he want me to wear a collar too? why else would he mention my neck? i mean, if he /asked/ me i would wear one but he didn't so would wearing one be weird?

What Ymber meant: It's nice to be near someone who isn't tethered to this world to serve it with a physical reminder for all to see.

[admiral-arelami]

AITA If My Favorite Character is a Fascist?

Uh oh. The Fascsplainers are at it again. Yes, we know what fascism is, thx.

[michi-chelle]

in the span of a few hours rei won a moneymatch, won a deathmatch, had a fistfight with towa, had two emotionally heavy conversations, had like two mental breakdowns, and to top it all off lost his virginity? boy’s a fuckin machine lmaoooo

[greenerteacups]

How do you generate ideas for both plot and characters? I’m one of the hundreds who is swooning and getting her breath caught at the “what’s this, Granger?” moment and I’d love to know how you came up with the idea for this in particular + how you usually come up with other wonderful moments that constitute the glorious Lionheart saga.

Oh, gosh, you're lovely. When writing is good — and this is a big conditional, because sometimes writing is like riding a horse and sometimes it's like wrestling an octopus, and you can rarely predict which — I don't necessarily think about the Process. It's sinking into the world and going, "Okay, action." There's an outline lurking behind it, and latently I'm considering some miscellaneous higher-order ideas about theme and structure, but I'm not writing the book in order to talk about those themes; the themes are in the book because I'm writing it and I'm interested in them. I can't very well help it, they're gonna end up in there no matter what. I don't have to worry about the architecture when I'm doing the upholstery, if that makes sense.

Discovering the more specific character beats and exchanges like the one in Chapter 64 are one of the ineluctable joys of creation. Sometimes, I think of a line while I'm walking down the street, jot it down in my Notes app, and carefully, meticulously develop a context where I can deploy it. Other times, I'm standing there in the scene and a guy does a thing, and I'm as startled as anyone.

[chiropteracupola]

check out my regular leg floral arrangement

[ceruleanterrapin]

I have one more exam for my history class and it'll be what determines if I keep my 4.0 gpa or not. To put it simply, I'm just a bit stressed

[shhh-secret-time]

You know you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain. - @lulu24784 ☀️

Pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. - @theartichrist 🌙

If you can sit in a barrel, maybe I'll wait. - @tinyalcoholicwitch 💫

Until that day

I'd rather take my whiskey neat

My coffee black and my bed at three

You're too sweet for me.

Hey, thanks for 200 followers and 200 kudos on AO3! Seriously, I don't deserve how kind you've all been to me and those of you who have gone out of your way to make me feel better than I am. I honestly don't know what else to say, but thank you.

I love you all very much.