#can i not enjoy my 2 am scroll in peace

[toss-a-coin-to-your-stan-account]

huh

[tuliptic]

My Way: Finding My Place in Adulthood

Don’t be afraid, dreams are everywhere, just keep going as I always have, this is my way.

Henlo adults here, this is another reading for y’all. This reading is specifically targeted to all adults: young adults to ease their minds; regular adults to get used to adulthood. Adulthood is really… Something… And this is coming from someone who’s turning 30 soon. I still have no grasp about what I’m doing, how I’m living my life, etc. Adulthood is still scary to me, though I have to say I’m seeing myself getting better and better day by day. Taking baby steps is important, as we all grow from what we experience.

Close your eyes, meditate on this topic and ask yourself the question: How am I supposed to move around in adulthood, being an adult? Breathe in and out, make sure your mind and heart is calm. Then, open your eyes to see which pile talks to you the most/draws you in the most. Once you’ve found your pile, scroll down to the respective parts to see what are the messages for you.

Pile 1 - Pile 2

Pile 3 - Pile 4

Disclaimer: This is solely for my entertainment purposes. Take only whatever you feel like it. If it doesn’t resonate, it’s okay to just drop it. Also, I do not consent to my work or images being used by third parties on this platform or other websites as well.

Decks used: Luna Cat Tarot Deck (Major Arcana), Linestrider Tarot Deck, Sweet Dreams Oracle Deck, Starcodes Astro Oracle Deck.

Pile 1: Don’t be afraid, dreams are everywhere

One card to represent you: The World

I feel like there’s some sort of fear and enlightenment here. Some of you have an idea of what you want to do or achieve in your life, some of you know your life purposes, most of you are content with how your life is right now and are just going with the flow. However, all have a certain discomfort in common, which is fear of uncertainty. Most here may have earth influence in your chart, where stability is needed, where you are able to hold certain control over your own life. What if I do this and I could no longer go back? What if I give up my job and pursue something else? You have the answers to these questions, but you’re not ready to take the first step because of how certain you are that things will not go as you planned and hence, you’re in a standstill. (PS: Some of you may be into spirituality as well, and you might be called to use this gift to achieve enlightenment for yourself and the people around you.)

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - Four of Wands rx

For some reason, I feel that… You expect difficulties. You don’t expect or believe good things can come to you without lessons or pain. You believe in fairness and balance, that amazing things can only come to you if you put in the effort and work hard. Hence, you tend to not take certain opportunities either because you think you don’t deserve it or you don’t think you’re capable of it. In a sense, I’d say that this way of thinking has caused quite some conflict and tension, not allowing you to enjoy the peace and security you usually like. What has brought you comfort in the past is now hindering you to accept new happiness in.

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - Seven of Cups rx

Seven of Cups is a card of illusion, but with it in reverse, it is a card of choice. This relates back to the first card pulled, the card to represent you. You know what to do, you are capable of doing it, but there’s fear holding you back. Or maybe, fears. To you, you’re not only jumping out of your comfort zone, but into a danger zone where you have no idea how to manage the risks. Accept your fears, let yourself fall, let yourself fail. Have courage, believe that you’ll still be able to stand up after the fall and grow better from it. You’ll be surprised with what you’re capable of.

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - Death rx

This card here is very self-explanatory: You fear change. That’s it. You prefer stability over anything else, and you fear losing control over what you have. What is yours needs to remain yours. This may stem from insecurities that were caused by traumas when you were younger, may it be people leaving you, or being disappointed by others, or something else. It has definitely affected your thought process, your understanding of the world and your way around it. The first thing that came into my mind was therapy, because there are some deep-seated issues that you may have. You’ll need to identify your fear, the root cause of it, work it out, and step out to try something new, constantly regenerating yourself on the way.

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Nine of Wands

You’re resilient. You may not think so, thinking that how you function is just the norm and everyone else does the same. No, you’re different. You have gone through a lot of things and those experiences help you manoeuvre yourself around the present issues, and you learn as you grind through the challenges presented. People may see you as an inspiration with how you manage to not dim your lights through the darkest nights. You need to know that you have a side like this, and that you’re able to encourage others through you being you. Shine. Accept yourself and shine brighter, be the inspiration you’ve wanted to be. You’ll be surprised with how things will fall in place and come to you.

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - Eight of Wands

I’d say building connections would help you in the long run. Eight of Wands is a card that talks about action, which is… Again, self-explanatory. But what sort of actions should you be taking? In what field? Connections and networking. I’d say most of you have a way with words, or some may even have 3H or 11H placements. By building a web of connections, you’re able to gather information and help from various parties that will help you to get on the right track. Some may even push you towards the direction that you want to head to. Be proactive in making friends, talking to people, and taking the first step. Once you throw yourself out, people will know you and will be able to provide the support you need. And then you can vroom your way.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Five of Pentacles rx

One comforting message here is that difficult times shall pass. You may think you overcame something but there’s more to work on, which you’ll realise that the issue you face is still affecting your decision making as of current. You’ve got to review your past and learn your lessons, know that you can’t afford to stay in this mindset for long. This card acts as a sign that it’s time for you to move from feeling insecure to a more adjusted mindset, which will be prompted when you see new perspectives. You will be receiving messages from your guides and higher selves in various forms. Trust your gut feeling, believe in every reason that makes you feel better.

Overall energy: The Tower, Five of Cups rx

The themes of lesson, growth and replacing things and values that no longer serve you. Liberation will come to you when you move past that phase that’s holding you back. Hmm… Lemme reword myself. This pile gives me the feeling of something promising is coming, but you’ll need to go through the lessons (aka accepting that good things can come to you without your expected cost, it’s alright to fail, the need to find out the root cause of insecurities, etc). Life will present opportunities to learn, and will bring in new people for you to grow together. You know you are loved. If you don’t know it, now you do. Believe it.

.

.

.

Pile 2: Finally we begin

One card to represent you: The Empress

I would say that you have a gentle energy, you’re the person others go to when they’re feeling down or when they need some advice. You radiate a warmth that’s calming, providing a space of comfort for the hurt and wounded to rest and heal. You are intuitive, tho I have to say that your wisdom outshines it. It’s not just wisdom, it’s not just gentleness, but also a sense of belonging, a place where one returns to. Your intuition is what gives you the ability to see through things, people as well as the unknown. Some of you may have clair abilities, especially claircognizance. 

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - Ten of Pentacles

I would say that you expect to build a life, build a family of your own, to be your own source of whatever you want. You do not want to rely on other people for things, especially financial abundance and happiness. You want to be your own provider so that you would feel secure with it, and that you’ll be able to contribute or give out what you have without needing to be conscious of how others look at you. There’s a hint of family themes among this, so it could also be you wanting to be the provider in your new found family without losing your own independence, if this makes sense.

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - Ace of Swords rx

It’s doable, but it’s difficult. I feel that there’s quite some conflict between you and your family, resulting in you wanting to build a new family or to have your own found family. There’s this tension in you that is blocking a lot of blessings, I’d say. There’s a lack of clarity and undefined goals, preventing you from achieving success and happiness (depending on what you define them as). You will need to review your expectations, to set clear and measurable goals, only then you’ll be able to see your progress and further decide on how you want to proceed or to make changes along the way. Do not try to cover up facts or find excuses. You know that it’s not going to help you in the long run. Face it, accept it, work with it. 

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - The Sun

Optimism is great, but being overly optimistic is not good. You tend to see the good side of things and may end up beautifying them, exaggerating them, or even fabricating them unconsciously. For some reason, I’m also seeing that you may be beautifying self-sacrificial tendencies, or attempt to attract people with your pain. You want to shine, want others to pay attention to you. Some of you may be prideful, but some would use whatever they’re “lacking” to attract attention. Example: Your friends use iPhone, and you use Android. Instead of saying you want to be different, you probably will go with the approach of “people who use iPhones are just keeping up with the trend and thinking that’s the higher end”, when in reality you can’t afford an iPhone. This is just an exaggerated example illustrated here for you to have an idea.

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Death

Change is your forte. Some of you may not know it, but some of you do (and perhaps do not accept it). It’s not flexibility that we’re talking about, but more of an open-mindedness along with acceptance. Once you’ve overcome your weakness, you will be more open to listening to what others have to say, and forming your own opinion based on whatever information you’ve gathered (from others, from your own research, as well as updating outdated data). The transitioning phase will be smoother during then, when you shift from the old to the new. Right now, I’d say that there’s still a part of you who’s unable to accept that you’re wrong, or incorrect at certain things. There’s no fault in having pride over your knowledge, but if it is hindering you from improving, then you may need to work on that. 

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - The Emperor

Focus on your goals and what you want to achieve. For you, I’d say, one of your goals would probably be something that’s legacy related, may it be inheriting something (finance, career, skills, connections, etc.) or starting a new legacy (starting your own company, building network from scratch, starting to take up a very specific and niche role, etc.). I would also say that you’ll need to look straight ahead. The Emperor can’t afford to look around, only focusing on the path that’s in front of him where he tread carefully but boldly, carving the steps out for his people to follow (somewhat a legacy too). Do not be distracted, do not easily give in to temptation.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Eight of Cups rx

First thing I’d like to say is that your journey is going to be lonely. It’s not just going on that journey alone, but it’s something akin to a burden or a mission that you can’t tell anyone. You may have tried telling a family or a friend about it, and they don’t think it’s a big deal, resulting in you swallowing the pain alone, no longer willing to trust. The disappointment and disillusionment has uhhhh thicken around you. Think of them as fogs around you, and as they thicken, the more difficult it is for you to see your path. That. Communication with boundaries is very important for you right now, where you can put a balance between the socialisation and exposing yourself thoughtlessly. It’s difficult for some people, where you unknowingly overshare too much. Learn from it, find out a way that works for you. Open yourself to things, allow yourself to be open to inspirations from things and people around you.

Overall energy: Strength, Six of Swords rx

You’re strong, knowing where to go and how to reach your destination. Just that whatever that’s happening around you is preventing you from moving forward. You’re holding a lot of things back because whatever situations you’re in, but your passion and faith in life is strong enough to support you. You are doing your best with whatever you have right now, looking for opportunities in life’s challenges and learning the lessons. It is a difficult time, but have faith that things will turn for the better. Prepare your boat, and once the wind blows, set sail.

.

.

.

Pile 3: No matter what I’m going my way, to the place I’ve dreamed of every night

One card to represent you: The Chariot

I would say that you’re someone who’s goal oriented. You know what you want and you'll work towards it. I would also say that you may be impatient at times, wanting to achieve things in a short time. It feels like you feel that you're running out of time, especially when you compare yourself to your peers. For example, people your age have been talking about career advancement while you're still figuring out what to do, or your friends are married with kids and you're still single and feeling miserable. You know you're on the right path at your own pace, and you appreciate your days and blessings, but sometimes you just feel anxious about being “left out”. 

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - Three of Swords rx

You expect yourself to be healed from your wounds and traumas soon. You want it quick, you want it urgently, and you’re pushing yourself far more than you can deal with at the moment. You probably may have gone through some childhood traumas and you’ve left them as they are. It may be due to the society or environment you grew up thinking that whatever you experienced was normal (Asian families, perhaps?). You thought vulnerability was a fault until recent years, where you learn to accept and honour them, and from there you proceed to heal your inner wounds. You may have thought that once you’re done with Phase 1, you can immediately complete Phase 2 of your healing, and… Sorry to break it to you, it’s not gonna happen that way.

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - Two of Swords

It feels like you’re asking yourself the question: Am I healed or not? And your answer to it is either yes or no. Which… Is not how healing works. Healing is a process; a journey, not a mathematical equation which is either right or wrong. You may think you’ve been healed but in reality, you may not have achieved that yet. You’re not seeing a lot of things yet, which is why you need to rely on your senses, especially hearing. You need to learn to listen to the whispers of others, may it be your friends or your guides. You are not alone, you have people accompanying you through this journey because you are loved. Healing is not linear, so take your time.

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - The Fool rx, The Devil

I would say that you have expectations and you may think you’re living up to that, believing that you’re better and you live like it. … Lemme rephrase myself: You think you’re alright and that you’re living as how you expect yourself to be when you are not. It’s like you’re putting on a mask to deceive yourself and to show others that you’re doing fine. There’s this saying that you’ll need to fool yourself first if you want to fool your enemy. That’s you. You’re pretending and putting up an act, which will eventually cause your downfall to be greater than what you’ve experienced. Your insecurities are devils in disguise, which you probably know of. Now that you know of this side of yours, you will need to think and use your brain to figure out as you go. 

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Four of Swords rx, Eight of Pentacles rx

I would say that you’re very action based, and you think a lot. One thing that’s special about you is that you know when to stop thinking. Unlike most people, once they start thinking, they spiral into their thoughts and have no way out. You, however, know when to stop and how to pull yourself out from that headspace. From there, you then use that energy and time to focus on earth-themed items, such as career, work, fame, building something, etc. You’re basically the healthy combination of brain and physical energy, making sure both of these aspects are taken care of, working on them when others are still trapped in their heads. If you think that you do not have this trait, maybe you can try it out. I believe all can achieve this, but your pile is able to tap into it easily as compared to others.

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - Four of Pentacles

Learning to focus on yourself, to put yourself first before others. I’m not sure if you’ve been called selfish for putting your needs above others, but you’re not. You can only share when you have extra/excess, and that’s when sharing becomes something comfortable and meaningful. Remember, you are not supposed to burn yourself to warm others. Let yourself have your own time, build connections with yourself and with others. Collaboration is something that you can work on, may it be work related projects or personal projects. Passion projects are things that will help you redirect your energy, and for you to keep yourself occupied when you realise your thoughts are jumbled up again with the excess energy.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Three of Cups

I would say that you will need to build your own home with people you trust in, with people you’re comfortable with. You may have gone through quite some family trauma, and your safe space may no longer lie with it. Remember, home is where the heart lies. As long as you feel comfortable, comforted and safe, you are home. For some reason, you may have been seen as the black sheep of your family. You have been told that you have great communication skills (may also have 3H placements), and it would be great if you know how to use that skill to its full potential. There’s more you can do with it, may it be drawing people to you, or drawing people away from people who harmed you. 

Overall energy: Judgement, Wheel of Fortune rx

I feel that you tend to judge yourself a lot, or people may have passed their biased judgement onto you when you’ve decided to not go their way. There are also some… Remnants? Of feelings of unjust? You have felt that life was unfair and things have not been going your way. Though you may have put that thought aside real quick cuz you believe in yourself more than what the stars or fate has said. You prefer to take things into your own hands instead of whatever higher beings there are out there, and I’d say that you’re doing a good job with it.

.

.

.

Pile 4: I admit it now life is a long marathon, the difference is that I set the course

One Two cards to represent you: The High Priestess, The Lovers rx

The first word that came to me is intuitive. You know you’re intuitive and you have used your intuition on a lot of things that came into your life, may it be making decisions or using it to discern those who come close to you with agendas. But still, you probably have some… Troubles with love? Not necessarily romantic ones, but platonic and love towards yourself as well. For some reason, I feel that you may feel called to be a lover. It can be self love, but personally, I feel that the energy here is more outwards, where you are supposed to love others, and yet there’s no one out there deserving of your love. Some of you may have 12H or Pisces placement as well, which may give others an impression of being dreamy or drunk in love. (My logical head thinks so, but for some reason I’m feeling that heart-clenching feel, as well as a sense of loss. Not sure how to phrase it well tbh.)

1. What are the expectations I have for myself? - The Moon rx

Weirdly, for some reason, I’d say that you expect yourself to be… Different? You know you’re different and that you may sometimes feel that you are unable to align with how this world functions. Hence, when you feel you’re becoming too “earthly”, you may feel torn, because you expect yourself to do or achieve “unearthly” things, eg: to be a spiritual guru, to do reiki healing, etc. You are definitely one pile that is more prone to the spiritual side of the world, where you’ll often have a nagging feeling at the back of your head when you’re not doing anything of that sort. 

2. Feasibility on achieving those expectations? - The Empress

It is definitely something achievable, that is, if you focus on healing yourself as well as creating meaningful bonds with the people around you. One of the main themes of The Empress is to nurture, which you are called to not only nurture the people around you, but also to nurture yourself. You will also need to be with the right group of friends who will be able to help you flourish (and of course, you helping them as well, as this is a mutual relationship). I honestly don’t know what else to say about this because the message is repetitive, and I think you know it as well. 

3. What are my weaknesses and how do I compensate? - Two of Cups rx

This card in this position talks about tension, deception or even lack of trust between you and your spiritual side. For some reason, I’m feeling that you are holding too strongly to a certain thought or a belief. It causes stress and fatigue, making you lose hope in the process. Instead of taking a forced “temporary” approach, it would be better for you to reflect on what it brings you, and to let go of past beliefs that no longer serve you. Two of Cups is supposed to be a card of joyful celebration, a union between two parties. You will need to turn the card upright. It’s time to release the old and embrace the new, only then you’ll be able to grow into your very best self.

4. What are my strengths and how do I get better at them? - Six of Swords rx

I would say that one of your strengths is special, because it is not so to a lot of people. You do not let your problems push you, but you work your way with it. See, most people’s first reaction is to solve the problem or to run away from it, but you choose to live with it and rebuild your life around it. There’s a part of you that is unwilling to make your life a mess by running and avoiding the problems. You surrender. Not in a negative way. You surrender the pain and stress, you abandon the old, limiting beliefs, and you live in the present. The best way I can describe it is… It’s like you’re a monk, where you live with whatever that is happening around you. Waves (troubles and challenges) are around you, and you’re on the boat, keeping yourself calm, not bothering with what the world is doing, keeping your calm. It's like you know there's a life after death and that you're working on it right now instead of being present in the current earthly life.

5. What is it in adulthood that I should focus on? - Ace of Wands

Ace of Wands is the first card in the Minor Arcana. What I’m picking up from here is that you’ll need to create a new beginning for yourself. I wouldn’t say it’s The Fool kinda journey, because The Fool’s journey is of meeting people and learning the lessons on the way. Your kind of journey is understanding what you want, seizing opportunities, and turning your enthusiasm into actions. You have an idea of where you want to go, when you want to reach there, how you’re going to move, with whom you will want to travel on this journey. I would also say that it would be a great time for you to filter your circle so that you’ll be able to go on this journey with the least distraction.

6. What are the directions and advice that I need to know/hear? - Four of Pentacles rx This is a time where you should consider relaxing your mind and remember that you cannot control what others are doing or holding. You know you have enough, and instead of focusing on the action of others, focus on yourself instead and how you can block out the noises. With this done, you will be able to move from a period of control and fear and anxiety to a stage of being more open (and blank). It’s like… Once you are able to clear your mind, those noises no longer mean a thing to you, and you’ll be able to focus on yourself and what you want to achieve. I’m also picking up words like “zen”, “calm” and “enlightenment”. … Yeah the word “monk” too.

Overall energy: The Devil, The Chariot

I am feeling some self-sabotaging themes here. It may sound difficult to accept but I do think The Devil here talks about you, where you’re embodying some traits, thoughts or beliefs that you’re unwilling to let go. Y’know how some things turn toxic when there’s excess or if you hold onto it for too long? That. It’s burdening you and you probably are actively trying to run away from it. I’m having the image of you being annoyed at how you’re not progressing, and you end up flipping the table, scattering all the plans you’ve made for yourself. Probably some big changes are bound. Clear up the space and welcome your spirit guides to show up in wondrous and unexpected ways.

[a-d-nox]

pac/pap: message from your past lover/crush

take what resonates leave what doesn't - nothing is 100% for you because these aren't personalized so please no angry comments or dms about what i am saying not being a good fit for you or that you "don't claim" just keep scrolling if that is the case. be kind, self reflect, and have fun.

last pac/pap: message from your future spouse/partner

want a personal reading? click here to check out my reading options and prices!

pile 1

you two couldn't be together because the universe was testing you both as to whether or not you were ready for a new level of relationship. the universe wanted to see if you could break old patterns - i sense that you both accomplished this test. now it is up to you both to make peace with your past relationships, so you can continue to welcome new energy into your romantic lives. if you are wondering why this person couldn't be here, it was because you both had different visions for the future. their's wasn't a shared common plan or even a solid foundation to keep you together through this part of life.

what they want to let you know is that they were too worried about status and reaching milestones (in life and romantically) to even try and slow down to enjoy a connection with you. they couldn't be in the moment and simply enjoy life - they were too in their head and they are sorry about it. they hope that you find the right relationship at the right time - just be patient and continue to take care of yourself.

staying together or trying to be together would have lead to delusions. things would not have been as they appeared. at first, things would have been too good to be true and quickly you would have learned why. rapid movement often leads to the fizzling out of emotions... too much good leads to a boring connection for a majority of people - you need some conflict to keep the connection interesting and evolving.

i feel like your unrealistic expectation for them was that they were ready to settle down and establish themselves. they weren't. you wanted them to be ready, and you were determined to believe that they were when they weren't. they weren't ready to be with you, you just wanted them to be ready.

its good you aren't together because someone exciting is going to be entering your life, perhaps via a friend. put yourself out there - participate in activities. you might meet them on a vacation, if that is coming up for you. be open to people who you wouldn't typically think of because you assume they will be temporary or that you would assume it would only amount to a fling with them.

what you learned from them was how to take a leap of faith and trust that the universe won't steer you wrong long term. you know now that you can't fear the unknown - everything is just lessons that are meant to expand your consciousness and present you with opportunities. everything that happens to you in the romantic sense is just a part of your personal and spiritual evolution.

the deck says that in 8 weeks or the fall is when you will be ready for the next chapter.

pile 2

you can't be together and you know exactly why. you are confident in yourself and you know your worth. you are worth much more than you were receiving. so it is time that you put yourself out there to meet new people - don't be afraid to show your vulnerability with new people. you need to be open about what you perviously experienced so that you can avoid repeated lessons and reasons for breakups. you latest crush/relationship was tore about you because they were intimidated by your intelligence and your effectiveness in communication was too much for them. they weren't mature enough to match your energy, so they likely ghosted you.

something they never got to say to you was that you shouldn't be as sure as you are. a person is never done learning. you might have came across as cocky and unwilling to understand their perception. there is something to learn in every situation and from every perspective - you just need to be open to do so.

if you tried to make the connection work, you would have lost your spunk. eventually, you would have found yourself incapable of being able to fully express yourself. you would have been incapable of finding joy, playing around, and even be present - you would have become too stoic and wrapped up in your unhappiness and incapable of having fun and laughing.

your unrealistic expectation was that you would never argue or have conflict with them - all relationships have conflict where both sides are heard. it is more about how you manage yourself than it is the fight itself. it helps you to evolve and learn each others triggers - to not fight is to remain ignorant of each other issues, triggers, etc. you want to have a relationship that grows and blossoms, then be open to arguments.

it's for the best that you aren't together because the connection moved too quickly. you both let your excitement of what could happen cloud the reality of the situation. i also sense that they were not just being pursued by you - they had several people's interest.

what you can learn from this experience is that a situation can change at any moment in time, so enjoy it while it lasts. let go of what out stays its welcome - whether it is behavior that is not right or dating patterns. you need to make space for new possibilities when your situation is starting to feel stale.

the deck says that in 5 days (or rather you should have been ready 5 days ago during the aquarius new moon when i was writing/editing this) or spring is when you will be ready for the next chapter.

pile 3

you couldn't be together because there was an imbalance in the connection. I sense that someone was a bit too codependent in this connection. they relied too heavily on their partner to fulfill their needs and had unrealistic expectation for the relationship. in order for any connection to world you have to be able to find your own happiness without depending on another person to provide you with this happiness you seek. someone was too greedy in this connection and someone was too hard on themselves because they tried to make the connection work for a very long time and it just wasn't working. someone cared about how they appeared together more than the other person did - perhaps they were a bit too self-centered. someone still needs to work on their generosity.

something they never got to say to you was that they love you. they truly loved you - they weren't ready to say it at the time but it is true. they really do wish you well. they hope you are happier now than you were with them. they hope you are out somewhere having fun and doing what you have always dreamed to. they also kind of hope that maybe someday you will reconnect with them and if it can't be romantic than at least you can be friends with one another.

this is a connection that had it coming; it just had to end. you both were not ready. you were in two very different places in life and two very different states of mind. you weren't ready for the connection to be what it was. you were both clinging to each other for a very different reason thus it had to end. it is okay they you don't reach out to them. hell it is okay, if you don't reach out to them for a long long time. they love you. they just know that you both need to start fresh and see what else is out there.

your unrealistic expectation of them was that your disputes/disagreements would move to some sort of resolution. you are both very different people and very different people have very different manners of dealing with things. you wanted to move forward and they didn't want to. you might have been an agree to disagree person, while they wanted you to see things from their point of view. one side was always unheard in the connection and it just strained the connection. there was no moving on - to expect that you could was silly in their eyes. perhaps one of your arguments crossed a line you weren't fully aware existed.

it's for the best that you aren't together because someone felt hesitant about taking action and moving forward with the relationship. you should never have to think about whether or not you want to be with someone - the second you have to wait for a moment and think means that you should be on your own to contemplate romantic partnership in general. there was a fear about timing and being out of the comfort zone that each of you knew romantically. passion alone is often not enough when it comes to a partnership.

what you can learn from this experience is that there is a disconnection between you and the other person in most of your relationships. it is okay to admit that too. perhaps you are someone who has a lot of faith that things will just work or one day they will be ready or one day they will commit. it is okay to have faith, but again, if you aren't connecting and hearing what the person is saying (for example, maybe they did tell you they weren't interested in committing to a relationship) then perhaps that is something to reflect on. don't give up - your partner is out there. in the meantime, listen to what others are saying and trust that they mean what they say. it is okay if the truth hurts - you have the power to heal.

the deck says that in 4 months or summer is when you will be ready for the next chapter or to reconnection with this person like I said earlier.

[accio-victuuri]

Sugar Rush: September CPNs 🍬🍭

The month of BXGs had some very exciting candies! Let’s review them together ^^ Same disclaimer applies. Only for CPN-loving bxgs. If you hate this kind of thing, please spare yourself the pain and scroll along.

• Similarity between Shengyang & Yibo ( when what you love becomes a career )

• Same brand = Covernat

• Them being the Sun 🧡

• WYB’s Pechoin Ad spotted in an episode of SBMS

I really have a lot of feelings with the Shengyang x Chen Shuo AU pairing. They are so perfect together!

I mean….. ⬇️⬇️⬇️

• There is something about the similarities between shengyang & yibo in the way that they look at the person they care about the most that gets me. it’s this whole “puppy” devotion they got going on. an innocent kind of love.

the kind where you look at the person’s reaction first when something happens, you wanna see them happy before you enjoy what’s in front of you. even if they don’t talk, you carefully observe their body language cause you wanna figure out how to help them and show them that you’re on their side. ☀️

• In a BTS released by One & Only, they showed some wardrobe and looks for Chen Shuo. This one is him wearing a black helmet instead of red. Did you see the peppa pig sticker? and i can’t make out the other one. What a coincidence, considering the CQL crew’s “history” with peppa pig 😂😂😂

• Not really CPN, but to archive this incident where cpfs commented WYB photos on ZZ’s douyin post. This reminds me of that 95 post on weibo, where it was all cpf, then 🍤 of course did the most to “erase” that. but that comment section has so many interactions. I’m 50/50 on this, I think it’s unnecessary to do it, knowing full well that it will “provoke” a fan war and i personally don’t want that. The other half of me tho is cackling cause cpfs surely know how to troll. My fave tho are photo comments of cute fandom dolls 🥺🥺🥺

• One and Only top box office in Chongqing on 9/4

• Summary of SBMS clowning material from 9/1 to 9/5 ☀️

• Similarity in WYB & XZ selfies ( vintage motorcycle gear )

• XZ’s mystery driver, and was it WYB?

• INNER MONGOLIA MYSTERY : I’m naming it as such because it’s truly a mystery as of writing. There’s been some rumors already that LOCH & Mermaid will have scenes shot in IM. XZ tho is confirmed to be there. The cast and crew were spotted and XZ is not exactly hiding it either, his IP is there.

What makes it sus is a video captured that is allegedly of the hotel entrance where XZ stays. It’s too dark to see who he is with but some cpfs are saying you can see someone who is like WYB going in too w/ XZ. the way the person walks tho is so WYB as far as I can tell. And the most sus thing is the hotel closed all the lights in the lobby. Who the fuck does that. Yeah I know XZ is VIP and they will do everything to protect him and make sure no photos of him will be taken. But to actually close all the lights??? There must be something more… probably another VIP guest????

and well this.. whatever this is… it’s not covering with umbrellas anymore, it had come to this kind of hiding already. and how they were hiding who was coming in and. there were 2 people. so yeah. 👀

again, i am including this here to archive but i’m not fond of them being followed around like that. just leave them alone to work in peace. 🙃 we should be more focused on their projects and not act like paps. understand the reason why there are proxy shooters is because there is an audience.

the most sus thing do, is come monday, the black cloth and all the cover up was not done anymore. So it makes you think that they were really trying to hide something in those days they used it. 🤡

• SBMS clowning series version 2 / version 3 / version 4 / version 5 / version 6

• Hangzhou Asian Games power couple 🔥🔥🔥

• THEM and Li Qin as leading lady 😂😂😂

• Their long hair! Please bring it back for both please and thank you ☺️☺️☺️

and the fact that GG is absolutely glowing in the photo. We’ve been speculating that WYB visited him, so is this the result????

• YIBO-Official 9th debut anniversary debut clowning: who folded the shirt // 2019 memories, new? black panther drawing and day&night selfies // XZ signed the artwork + the pose is inspired by yibo

• Edited background in yibo’s selfie + Why we think this was taken in Inner Mongolia

• Couple autograph !!!!

• RIO becomes cpf’s friend lol

• Love is like this / Fireworks

• The timing of their posts ( an example )

• This is so funny!!!! Now that we have a glimpse of Wei Ruolai, he is being paired to Xiao Sa — who we know is Mister Ye’s. So it’s now a love triangle 😂

⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

• bracelet & hand cpn - i don’t personally buy into this cpn but a huge chunk of the fandom were talking about it so i’m including it

• XZS Vlog Chapter 6 candies: ZZ & WYB similarity in XZS vlog + xzs and ybo are working together again & salomon shoes & mosaic design + panda rumor

• Matching Mid Autumn festival post ; Also how WYB’s look like there is a Mole. ☺️

There are also talks of the photo being taken from a proper camera, the most popular guess being a leica. I guess how YBO reposted this and said something like how Bobo is a “photographer” clued people in. But it could be because he posted an artsy photo like this instead of a selfie. 📷

—— END ——

See you all next month! 💕🍬

[intuitivemoonbaby]

What are you not seeing?

Pile 1 Pile 2

***these photos are not mine! i stole them from pinterest ;)

welcome back to another pick a card. thank you for all the love for my first post!! i didn’t know if people would actually resonate with the reading. since people did here i am with another reading :)

pick the pile that is calling you the most. to pick a pile, just breathe in and out. don’t overthink it, just trust your gut/intuition. remember to take what resonates and leave the rest. if the pile(s) don’t resonate with you… then maybe this reading isn’t for you. sorry love :( now scroll for your reading…

Pile One

hello pile one!

what you’re not seeing is the new love coming towards you. this seems like a wish fulfillment, something you been manifesting. this person is emotionally mature, caring and charming. they want to build a stable foundation with you. this person is balanced. i’m picking up their energy and it feels very peaceful, like flowing water. this person feels like you’re a blessing. they view you as a confident, passionate and optimistic.you may know this person from work or school. if not that, you could be in the same career field/path. this connection has marriage potential! they could want to give you a gift. maybe flowers? you could also have a past life connection with this person.

Pile Two

hey pile two!

okay y’all are giving i just got out of a toxic relationship. what you’re not seeing is the opportunities coming your way, since you left that relationship. you’re grieving and living in the past. this person was not good for you or your mental health. i’m sorry you had to go through that (i wrote down “grow” instead of “go” in my notes, so this relationship could’ve helped you grow). but you cannot sit in your emotions babe, feel it and let it go. better things are coming towards you. shit they’re knocking at your front door and you’re ignoring it.

so i asked the cards what blessings are coming your way and oh my gosh. once you start to heal through this and let it go, you’re going to step into your bad bitch energy. no one is going to be able to you shit. you’ll also receive clarity on why things happened the way they did. the star came out, you’re definitely going heal, come back stronger and probably get a wish fulfillment too.

i hoped you enjoyed your reading! please leave feedback. you can also message or submit some questions for future readings!

-ɪɴᴛᴜɪᴛɪᴠᴇᴍᴏᴏɴʙᴀʙʏ ☾

[sapphircs]

CARRD.

an independent, private, selective writing blog for an original character. featured fandoms include tolkien, harry potter, bridgerton, grey's anatomy (on request), and modern. my muse is multiverse and multiship. please read guidelines before following.

Mobile rules under read more.

1. MUTUALS ONLY. Do not interact with my posts if we aren't mutuals. I always make sure to check on blogs so if I am interested in interacting with you, I will follow you. If I don't follow you back, don't take it personally. I won't follow blogs that have no rules/info page. Please if we don't follow each other, do not contact me. I won't interact with underaged blogs, so don't even hit the follow button if you're under 25 years old.

2. DRAMA FREE. This is a drama free blog, I do not wish to take part in ANY drama. This will result as a hard block if I see drama on my dashboard. I do not care who's hating who, I just want to enjoy writing with the very few and lovely partners I have and that's it. Keep me away from drama.In order to protect my mental health, this blog will also be low active and I will be selective with whom I will be writing.

3. SHIPPING. I am open to shipping but at one condition: based on chemistry. We can talk about it, no worries, but my mojo is chemistry. I won't force any ships on anyone, I do expect the same from the other side. I love writing romance, I love slow burns and will always be happy to write it. Please keep in mind that I am not here to just ship. I want friendships also. Just know I love writing headcanons and imagining various situations when we ship our muses together though.

4. POSTS. I don't format, I literally have no time for this. The minimum I will do is put the small text and add an icon. I don't do graphics, I abandoned the layout version of my blog and made it dashboard only. This is how I am and I do hope it will be okay for you. This being said, I will also trim my posts as I do not like having to scroll down to find the latest reply. I do expect the same on the other side.

5. MEMES. PLEASE REBLOG MEMES FROM THE SOURCE. THIS WILL GET YOU UNFOLLOWED OTHERWISE. I am sick and tired of repeating this rule over and over again.

6. ACTIVITY. I have a full time job, work min 38,5 hours a week and can extend it to 45 hours when it's extra busy. There are days where I will literally be exhausted after driving to the office and I will just want peace. I will not accept anyone pestering me for a reply, as well as I do not do it. Real life happens and it should be anyone's priority. No negotiation.Remember this: roleplay is a hobby, not a duty.

7. TRIGGERS. Last but not least, I will always tag trigger warnings as such: tw:xx. I will NOT write with anyone using the following triggers: pedophilia, incest, bestiality. This will actually end with a hard block and no way back.

[sunflowerandstrawberryspice]

Ninjago characters as things me and my friends have genuinely said pt. 2 (+Old lady from PT)

Misako *seeing a problem arising*: Seems like a personal problem

Lloyd When people say ace people aren't real: welp if I'm not real then I guess I'm a dragon

Zane/Pixal: sometimes I forget where I put my limbs

Kai: Wallpaper is outdated

Jay: I vitamin C death

Garmadon: I have to do a séance every time I want to get y'all attention!

Cole: If you like F so much name every F word, fuck, fox, uh... pharaoh

*continuation of previous conversation* Cole: Finland Jay: Fruit Kai: Fruit-y Cole: Oh like me!

Nya: Can you be 5'12... fuck that 6'0

Zane: Height is a competition and I am winning

Misako: I used to be homophobic and that's probably why god took my knee caps

Lloyd: See they can't mark me absent because in reality they just have hostage situation

Nya: Gold fish make it so that I want to die a little less

Kai: YOU'RE FUCKING COLOR BLIND Cole: SAYS THE ONE WHO SAID SUNSETS WERE MONCHROME

Jay: I'm gonna shimmy shimmy doo bop off a clif

Zane: It's about time for me to detach my knees

Pretty much all the ninja @ this point: My pain might be chronic but this ass is iconic

Zane @ literally everyone: DON'T EAT FOOD OFF THE FLOOR WE''VE BEEN OVER THIS

Lloyd: My biggest accomplishment is NOT being a leash child Cole: That's cause we didn't know where to buy one

Pixal: I'm very sexy I mean look at me fix the wifi box

Cole/Zane *after dying/getting very hurt AGAIN*: I may or may not have haha funnied a little too hard

Lords have mercy I love making these and getting an excuse to scroll through my quotes book. Anyway I was planning on having Zane's vouge cover out tonight then my chronic pain kicked in right alongside a headache and that threw out all plans for doing anything that takes anymore than minimal effort. So instead you get more haha funnies. Hope y'all enjoyed, peace!

[angellayercake]

Eating with the sinners

Papa Emeritus IV x Father Jim DeFroque | NSFW/MDNI | AO3

When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” Mark 2:16-17

'Blah blah Jim is bad' Yes I am well aware thank you and that is why he is so fun to write. Let the religious corruption kink fandom enjoy some damn good religious corruption please and thank you. If it isn't for you just keep scrolling or click the handy dandy back button. And if it is for you please enjoy :)

He groaned as he felt it dripping down his face, he was so close just needed something, a little bit more. Alone, knelt in the middle of the stadium under a beam of light desperate to find his completion. He heard him before he saw him. His measured steps echoing in the vast empty space. 

‘Seeking absolution Father?’ The Italian lilt of his deep voice never failed to send a shiver down his spine. He thought he had left him at the bar when these nice gentlemen had invited him to join their team building activity but apparently not. 

‘Seeking somethin that's for sure.’ His own voice came out breathier than he liked but given his current preoccupation it was what it was. He let out a moan as he reached down to massage his balls as he continued the steady rhythm on his cock, thumbing the head on every up stroke.

The white eye, unnerving under normal circumstances, practically shone in the darkness as he watched, he always watched, never participated. If there ever was a time Jim wished that would change it was right now. Closing his eyes he whispered a prayer. ‘Let him help me, Lord, find completion in your name. So that I may honour you with my body as I do with my soul.’ 

He was wrung out, his work never over. His days were spent ministering to the faithful, the successful, helping them to the light through their generosity with the guidance of the Lord and his word. But his nights spent reaching out to the damned, thanks to the guidance of this man. To help them he had to understand them, delve into the depths of their depravity and then bring them back to peace. The responsibility was a burden but one he bore gladly if it meant returning sinners to the fold of the Almighty.

And how could he not when he was following the example of Christ himself. When he had first met this man, the Italian with a spark in his eye, an interest in the Lord that rivalled Jim’s own and tight tight trousers, he had questioned why a man of the cloth would spend his time with such company. ‘Those who are healthy have no need for a physician, but those who are sick do. John 5:31.’ He had told him. He had simply nodded and Jim knew then that they were on the same mission.

‘Our Lord would be so proud of you, Father, bringing all those people to sin.’ His motion stuttered as he heard him speak but he must have misheard. He was so close now, almost close enough that Jim could reach out and touch him. Redoubling his efforts on his own cock he watched the material around his crotch stretch and tighten around his obvious arousal. ‘Ensuring their souls are condemned.’ 

‘To heaven?’ What else could he mean? They were men of God weren’t they? Learning the ways of the sinners so they may deliver them from evil because you can not defeat evil if you do not understand it. 

‘No Father,’ He laughs but doesn’t elaborate instead grabbing the back of his head, fingers clenching in his hair and forcing his head up at an uncomfortable angle until all he can see is eyes. He can feel the hardness now where his chin is pressed into his crotch and he can't help but whine at all the sensation as he continues pulling away frantically at his cock. The pleasure and the high all clouding his mind, the topic of their brief conversation slipping from him. 

‘You have never resisted a temptation in your life have you Father?’ He asks as he pulls back working the laces of his trousers loose to free his erection. It’s thick and red and already weeping and all Jim can think of is tasting him.

‘He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation, he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.’ Even as distracted as he is, the scripture slides from his tongue as though he was standing in front of his congregation.

‘Corinthians 10:13? I don’t think this is quite what He meant but if you wish to endure I can help with this.’ He uses the grip on his hair to drag him closer and angle his head so he slides straight into his mouth and down his throat.

‘People like you Father, you are the problem. You preach and you take and you judge and you condemn. You think that because you can quote the bible, because you whisper your silly apologies in prayer that you are good.’ If he could concentrate on anything other than the cock in his mouth he wouldn’t like what he was hearing but he was powerless to reply while getting fucked so thoroughly and he couldn’t resist the urge to swallow around the intrusion taking him as deep as he could. 

‘Forgive me Father for I let a whore give me road head? Forgive me Father for snorting coke off of your book? Forgive me Father for letting eight strapping young men come on my face? Forgive me Father for misleading your so say faithful and using their donations to fund my excess?  He may forgive all of that I suppose, I do not know.’ He punctuated each question with a hard deep thrust that had Jim scratching at his thighs and gagging around his thick cock.

‘Will your God forgive you for letting the Antichrist fuck your face?’ If he could think he would be ashamed of how he came thrusting against his shin as he ripped his face away from him leaving him gasping for air and drooling. He falls to the floor without the firm grip keeping him upright, landing in the puddle of his own spend.

‘What about this one Father?’ He grunts as he takes himself in hand. ‘The one who does what is sinful is of the devil, because the devil has been sinning from the beginning. John 3:8.’ He grunts as he finally comes adding to the stripes painting Jim's already soiled face. He jumps as each stream lands, the words finally sinking in as he scrambles back from the man standing above him, reaching under his shirt for his crucifix but finding it missing. 

‘Looking for this Father?’ The chain is twisted around his fingers, the cross dangling in between swaying in a hypnotising rhythm and as it sways the figure of Christ twists and warps until all he can is a serpent, fangs bared and ready to lunge. 

‘What are you?’ He hisses, voice cracking in fear and from the recent misuse of his throat, hands gripping at himself to try and erase what he had just done as the man laughs at him. He pulls open the collar of his shirt and it is there in black and white, over his heart, the mark of the beast. 

‘I am the Devil, I suppose,’ his pointed teeth glint in the weak beam of light as he leans over, pinning him in place with his gaze, the horrid white eye seeming to pierce into his very soul. ‘Your sinning Father, it was so deviant, so twisted. I had to come and see for myself.’ 

‘No, NO!’ He finds the strength to get to his knees somehow and starts to pray even as he feels the the effects of the night start to take a toll on his body. He will not let the devil take him now. ‘Father in the name of Jesus Christ. I plead with you to break any chain that the devil has on me…’ A loud evil laugh cuts through his prayers and he falters, strength failing as he falls to the floor once more. 

‘And Jesus said unto him, ‘Away from me Satan! For it is written, worship the Lord your God and serve only him’ Matthew 4:10.’ But the devil before him just continued to laugh, the grating sound ringing around the space and echoing in his mind. He presses his hands over his ears to block it out as he staggers backwards and away. 

‘I have not influenced you Father, I am just here to honour one of my most loyal subjects.’ He feels those talented fingers scratch through his soiled hair working through where it has begun to matt and dry and he almost almost succumbs to the touch but no, he is stronger than this he knows and he must never bow to the devil. He pushes the hand away rising to his feet, feeling righteous energy coursing through him. He knew he was right, that he was doing the Lord's work. This was just a test of his faith, a test that he must pass. 

‘Begone, Demon!’ He spits hoping it sounds as full of conviction as he feels. But the other man just laughs once again as he leaves. He laughs and laughs and laughs as he backs away, almost disappearing into the darkness except for that god forsaken white eye. 

‘It’s a little bit late for that, don't you think Father?’ He follows with a measured swinging step so calm even as he makes an obscene gesture at his crotch. ‘Jesus said no before I had the chance to get my dick out.’ He can only shake his head in disbelief. No he would not accept what this foul creature was saying but he runs out of time, his back hitting the wall and then that thing was pressed up against him. He has to suppress a shiver at his proximity, his body not having caught up to what had been revealed this night. ‘You took me so well Jim don’t you want to do it again?’ He feels his voice as much as hears it and knows he must not fail here. This is the true temptation. 

I hope you enjoyed the food @tasty-ribz​ and thank you @ghostchems​ for your help as always 💜

‘I’ll be seeing you Jim.’ He crushes down the jolt of something he feels at the prospect. He has been tested this night and by the Grace of God he has passed. He must continue on his course and bring the light of his Lord to all sinners. Smoothing down his shirt and righting his collar he checks his watch, just enough time to get back for morning mass and to his faithful flock. ‘For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to those of us being saved it is the power of God. Corinthians 1:18.’

[sixosix]

hi hello

I'm here to write about my experience while reading the latest writing of wanderer. (it shall contain what I'm doing as I'm reading and my reactions - so if you don't wanna read it - that is a-okay!)

I'M STANDING IN -3°C OR EVEN LESS ON A TRAIN STATION FREEZING. I'm reading this by taking a glove off of my hand to scroll and then switching it to the other (taking the other glove off putting this one on) - pain fr, and then smiling to myself like a love struck idiot at 6 FUCKING AM. ON A FOGGY CROWD FILLED TRAIN STATION.

you did say in the a/n that the first part was "unnecessary" but I enjoyed the potrayal of friendship - it fleshed out the mc fr. also didn't except Heizou to be so touchy bUT THEN I gave it a second more of thought (lol) and I can see it. wanderer wearing all black is fucking canon in my eyes in modern!teyvat/world/somewhere.

the flashback was written really cutely, managing to catch the good vibes and capture, in a quite the short amount of text, the history the two have. (except like why does he think he hurt them-myb he thinks it is cos they left? idk listen I'm still sleepy if I missed something dO NOT HATE ME I WILL REREAD LATER TODAY)

next, I manage to find a spot in the train to sit, now nice and warm, chuckling at the boys & mc interaction in the hotel room

takiNG PAUSES - TURNING MY PHONE OFF AND LOOKING OUT INTO THE DARKNESS OF THE MORNING WHEN THEY KISS???? WHEN HE SAYS ANYTHING? I'm out here yet again smiling to myself and looking out of the window before continuing my reading

little love confessions cute! cute! cute!

thE FUCKING CUDDLES THE CUDDLES THE. CUDDLES. as a deeply touched deprived person with main love language being physical affection (with only selected few I care for, otherwise I hate any physical contact) my reaction is - YES. tysm. bless, thank you for your service.

it warmed my heart, perfect perfect perfect. ALSO THE LINE - I JUST RECALLED, THE LINE "You think I'd settle for less than you" - screenshoted, screamed internally, felt special, felt pain no one in this bitch ass world has me yet like that - no one ever will prob let US BE REAL (I'm mentaly dating all of them fictional mfs) , looked out of the window, paused, thought about stuff, leaned my head back to reimagine the scene as I try to also nap and fAIL cos I'm too hyped to read it - like man! 5k words - a LOT (it indeed was not a lot, I forgot how fast I read even when I reread lines and pause, and that I finish a thick ass book in 2 hours.)

it was slow burn without the slow but you worded it so nicely, paced it out, captured the essence of the thought proccess of a "crush" and stuff. also heizou being mentioned so much DOES make sense in the way - that ofc you'd think to tell your bsf this shit and chat with him DUH.

the detail of Aether texting his sister warmed my heart.

roll back a bit earlier - did I mention my train arrived late to my station - and in the freezing dark cold morning I smile and was like "ehe" cos I get to read this in PEACE for 15 mins longer - cos of the late train.

roll back to the present. after the kiss someone sits next to me so I'm putting my phone away, like I'm reading straight up smut of some shit, yet again rethinking everything you wrote.

then I see "a/n" - cut to me screaming, yelling, crying internally for more - feeling like it just began - I need the two days, I need more of the kissing, I need how they solve the end of vacay, and how they work all of it out - ALSO WHERE IS XIAO AMONGST MY ANEMO BOYS

on the topic of xiao I do understand it would be difficult for me as well to put the two boys I love the most in the same fic and just not have anything with one of them. furthermore, I understand one of your notes on a Xiao writing you did as a Xiao main. Listen me too, I could not write about my beloved. it would be a struggle just like it is for you but I KNOW WHY LET ME TELL YOU WHY - to quote Jane Austen "If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more" I rest my fucking case.

I CAN FURTHER SUPPORT MY CLAIM WITH THIS - I'm talking to my friend the other day about genshin and he's like tell me about you favorite character, I say a bit while also trying to keep it spoiler free but I struggle so much, because my mind just fills with everything about him, every single thing Xiao has been through and dear gods how do I say it all, how to get across everything he is, has been through. yeah. the quote is true.

I beg on my knees for somehow another part of this wanderer writing I'm just gnawing at a train plush soft cushion (not literally).

every timE I READ ONE OF YOUR THINGS ABOUT THE SHORT SNARKY BOY I'M ALWAYS SMILING TO MYSELF ALWAYS PAUSING LOOKING AWAY, WHAT DO YOU PUT IN THIS WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

I am very aware of how long this is, hope it wasn't boring - but HEY it is an ask, so technically you can ignore me

I probably didn't manage to caputre all my thoughts while reading it cos I'm just still very tired - hope you have a great day

ps. I could very well write an ask about how I started enjoying (read: liking) Wanderer + how the pulls went (it would be more put together than this ask honestly lmk)

pps much love, keep writing stuff x

hi hello! of course id love to read. i love the trend of sending long asks like this!! the only time i dont like long asks is when readers are requesting something---i dont like that at all :/ but youre not doing that!!! youre talking about your experience in reading my works and it really really warms my heart reading through it

OH NO T__T i cant even imagine. my countrys temperature never falls below 25-30°C so i cant even imagine surviving outside when the numbers are NEGATIVE T__T

the first part was absolutely unnecessary HAHA but thank you for justifying it. My hopeless crush wormed in and i wrote too much to just delete it sigh…

now for your question--scara moved out and essentially left the reader. it was more of a reference to scaramouche's canon backstory. he felt hurt that ei left him! and now, he's leaving the person he cares about. of course, in my head, he would assume that you'd feel what he felt. its why i put scaras mommy issues in the tags hahaha

im glad you like their interaction!! i loved writing their banter so much. i love writing scara talking to anyone in general because the way he talks is the way i think irl LOL

im so glad you also like the "you think i'd settle for less than you" line!!! ill tell u a secret. a few minutes before posting the fic it wasn't even there, but after reading through it i thought it would fit perfectly with the way i wrote scaramouche's character :D

and im so glad u pointed out the pacing!!! in all honesty i am far from confident with my pacing. i never know if im doing it right so thank u so much for saying that!!!!!!!! T__T <3 i dont know if i should clap for the late train for letting you read in peace? ??

LMFAOOO IM SO SORRY. this is exactly why i avoid reading fanfiction out in public even if i dont read smut. these strangers cannot know that i read about scaramouche kissing me.

and also fun fact!!!!! in the previous author note, it was not written that way. let me show you proof!! i cant find it rn but ill go into the version history version of my docs :D

AHHH that quote is so real im stealing that sorry. Everytime someone brings up why i dont write xiao enough ill pull that up !!!!! i know exactly what u mean :/

and about a part two… some people are already asking for it but i just don't do part twos T__T unless its stated in the fic that there's another part coming--it means that that's it…… your imagination will probably do better than whatever i can cook anyway !!!

[soontobemindless]

Warning Hypnotic language adult themed

Sexual content

Do not read unless you have time to truly enjoy

At least an hour. And prepare any toy or lube you may need.

SET AN ALARM THIS WILL BE NECESSARY!! plus you will be very glad you did ;)

Bimbo Himbo Thembo just want to blow.

Mindless thoughtless just want to undress.

Relax and follow MY WORDS as they fill your mind with PASSION and PLEASURE. Going to DROP into a deep TRANCE now.

Nice deep breath

In 1 2 3

And 1 2 3

Out 1 2 3

Once again

In 1 2 3

And 1 2 3

out 1 2 3

Relaxing and Dropping

Dropping and dripping

All thoughts go bye bye just absorbing MY WORDS

MY WORDS carry you down like an elevator dropping down and down

All the way as you RELAX

And breathe

In 1 2 3

And 1 2 3

Out 1 2 3

In 1 2 3

And 1 2 3

Out 1 2 3

Very good.

Focusing and absorbing MY WORDS into deep and wonderful TRANCE a place you have been so many times before. And will continue to so many more times as TRANCE bring you PLEASURE as MY WORDS fill your empty mind. Or maybe we try something different this time.

Just

scrolling and absorbing

Absorbing and scrolling

And each word brings more peace and pleasure.

Loving MY WORDS because they also free you from thoughts of your own.

While you have MY WORDS. There is no need for your words or your opinions because MY WORDS bring the AROUSAL and PLEASURE that your thoughts and words can not.

So you prefer MY WORDS dont you. Yes you do

Looking so BLANK and MINDLESS now just looking at the screen. MY WORDS are all that matters . Because you are filled with so much PLEASURE and are so so HORNY. Now

Oh yes. MY WORDS also make you so very very HORNY.

I like you this way. And i know you LOVE it this way dont you? Of course you do. So HARD and DRIPPING Or so so very WET and DRIPPING

Maybe even DROOLING A little. Lol that is ok you look so cute. So BLANK and MINDLESS yet squirming with AROUSAL.

You are becoming MY BIMBO. Oh we can be technical and you may be a HIMBO or THEMBO

It does not matter. So for the sake of simplicity we will call you MY BIMBO. and when you see MY WORDS saying you are MY BIMBO. You automatically DROP to this wonderful HORNY and AROUSED state for me. Because that makes me happy. MY WORDS always make you happy and you love making me happy don't you?

Yes

Ohh you are so cute. All glassy eyed and drooling as you begin to touch yourself. Thats ok. I love to watch. Ok so i am a perv lol but you love that as well. Don't you? Yes BIMBO'S LOVE PERVS

Because it gives them a chance to please them. BIMBOS live to serve and please. That is what they are best at. Others may think you are stupid or dumb. But you are a specialist. And should be proud to be a BIMBO. Because your only job is to bring great PLEASURE to others. And that is the greatest thing you can do for somebody. Isn't it? I think so.

Lets go deeper into TRANCE now. Still so MINDLESS and BLANK and squirming Almost at the EDGE. You love being this HORNY dont you. Yes you do.

Keep touching yourself. It is so so SEXY. BIMBOS are so SEXY. you feel so good knowing how SEXY you are. And you are very SEXY .

The perfect BIMBO. That's right and being a BIMBO especially MY BIMBO. Empties your mind except for thoughts of how to please me or your lover. And fills you with great pride because you are so good at it. MY BIMBO'S are the greatest at sexual satisfaction. That is your whole or maybe hole purpose. And that is the only thing you take very seriously. And again you take great pride in. Being the best BIMBO there has ever been. And you are because you are MY BIMBO and you love satisfying me. But if you have a lover it is quite alright to be THEIR BIMBO. and you wish to show your amazing skills as much as you can. Always so HORNY

Keep touching yourself. And as you do just repeat.

MINDLESS BIMBO BRING GREAT PLEASURE.

MINDLESS BIMBO FEELS GREAT PLEASURE.

Keep repeating as you touch yourself and absorb MY WORDS.

Doing so amazing.

You will keep chanting

MINDLESS BIMBO GIVES GREAT PLEASURE

MINDLESS BIMBO FEELS GREAT PLEASURE.

Not stopping going to the EDGE over and over.

Without release as you love this great PLEASURE.

Touching and drooling

Chanting and touching

This is the greatest PLEASURE you have ever experienced.

Dropping even deeper into TRANCE and whispering

MINDLESS BIMBO GIVES GREAT PLEASURE

MINDLESS BIMBO FEELS GREAT PLEASURE.

Now just lose yourself in the pleasure and mantra.

Repeating and EDGING

You will do this until your alarm goes off. When you hear the alarm you will CUM so hard. Exploding over and over until you can no longer go on.

Then you will awaken and ready to be MY BIMBO whenever I command.

[jerzwriter]

some asks for carolina x trystan :))

31: Most prized possession?

35: What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

44: Superstitions or views on the occult?

Thanks so much for sending these! :)

From this list.

31: Most prized possession?

For Carolina, it would definitely be something of her father's, perhaps a watch or a ring that he always wore. And a card he gave her on her birthday. He wasn't big on cards, but he gave her a very sweet one and wrote a heartfelt inscription on the last birthday they shared together. I really want to come up with an HC for her mother - because she may be in here as well - but I'm so scared Book 3 will cover it and muck things all up. lol

For Trystan, I'm going to say some old drawings he has from childhood. They were pictures he drew with some of his siblings, during a simpler time, when the animosity between them hadn't developed yet. When he looks at them, he imagines a world where things could have gone differently, and in some weird way, it brings him peace.

I am sure he treasures a few letters he received from Julianna. He would keep them in a very special place and would take them out to read each year on her birthday.

Lastly, a photo of Carolina - I'm not going to say much more about it because I want to write a fic about it - but it signified a very big moment in their relationship, and he prints it out, frames it, it will remain one of his favorite things forever.

35. What do they enjoy but consider to be a waste of time?

Trystan's answer would be absolutely nothing. He'd argue that if it brings you joy, it's never a waste of time. (I kind of agree, lol)

But Carolina is more, well, Carolina. She doesn't mind a good social media scroll or maybe going on YouTube after a long day. But she can fall down that rabbit hole, and before she knows it, she looks up, and 2 hours have passed. She will literally curse at herself because she thinks it is a total waste of time.

44: Superstitions or views on the occult?

Oh, this is a tough one! After dealing with The Hand of Mahra, these two will want to stay as far away from anything cult related as possible.

But superstitions... I'm part Greek, and I know my family was insane with the evil eye. Some still are. I can see Drakovia having its own version, and though he's embarrassed to admit it, Trystan kind of always has one on him. Now, the evil eye is only supposed to protect you if it is a gift; it cannot be something you buy yourself. So if his goes missing, he has to get someone to buy him a new one. Mags was his go-to for this, but now Carolina is dragged in, too. Now, there is a little shop in the Bryant Park Holiday Market that only sells evil eye jewelry and such (I go there frequently lol). I can see Carolina going there at Christmastime and buying like 30 to keep stashed in her room. This way, when Trystan is freaking out because he lost one, she just goes to her closet and is like, "Here!" lol (Now I want to write that fic! lol)

Carolina really doesn't believe in superstitions, at least not anymore. She's seen so many bad things she doesn't think anything can ward them off. That said, she does have two things she does every New Year's Eve. One, at midnight, she eats 12 grapes the moment the clock strikes twelve. She makes everyone with her do the same, and Trystan will just have to wait for that kiss! After the grapes (and kiss), they run to the front door and throw a bucket of water outside. Both of these are commonly done in certain Latine cultures. I don't think she feels they usher in good or bad luck, but it's part of her culture, and she's very attached to the tradition, so she takes it very seriously.

Thank you so much for the great asks! :)

[tenten18282]

Thank u for your Doubt comic it had me actually sobbing at 2 AM, my sleeves ended up damp from wiping my face so many times haha. OK OK but I love?? Your depiction of young Time/Mask?? Like my actual first contact with Zelda was reading the ocarina of time manga which depicted oot Link as a cheerful kid so when I stumbled upon linked universe (which I adore but still) I was just like ??? at Time's more "serious jaded veteran" characterisation bc it was so off from what I imagined him to be like haha.

Plus I just don't find his adult self as interesting as his child self but there's SO little content abt child Time, so ur little links AU really hit my soft spot (besides little time being less jaded and having a brighter outlook just makes his tragedy hit that much harder haha) AND ITS NOT JUST THAT BUT ALSO how, despite Time looking like a kid and being more cheerful, u still add all these lovely glimpses into the side of him that he keeps hidden, which has been aged and hurt and simply *changed* by his adventures, with behaviours that aren't childlike at all (how used he is to hide when he is hurt, his fear of being alone and forgotten, how intimately he understands others' grief)

Time is my fave Link if me rambling all over your asks didn't give you a clue haha, BUT ALSO! WIND!!! I adore how you completely flipped things and made wind the oldest of the kiddie Links!! Bc he's usually the baby of the chain and I just love love LOVE how you flipped it around, how it just perfectly fits him bc he's the only Link who's also an older brother in the canon text and now he can use his big brother powers on the other three

Ik u said Wind is kinda intimidated by Time, but in your comics it really feels like he has a special connection to Time bc like! Wind knows Time's legend and now is his friend, so it's like Wind is the perfect person to see both what Time has achieved and who Time is as a person if that makes sense? and as such would have more tools at his disposal when trying to understand Time and end up knowing him best—which imo Time really needs someone like that, poor bby is always caught in-between and never quite belonging anywhere

Anyways this got away from me haha tl;dr is that I love your art and your comics and your characterization and you :D thank you so much for sharing!! Have a lovely day!

AH! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS!!! also its completely okay to send long-form asks like this…. I love reading opinions and thoughts… its fun and I also took screenshots of this ask for safe-keeping…. thank you….. Shockingly enough, I made this comic to be a comforting story!!! I originally did not expect so many people to be sad or touched by it in such a way, it was very surprising… I think i just have a different criteria for what i consider sad…. haha... I wish I could continue with stories like these but comics take longer for me than usual…. I've been told i should make a blog to write down my thoughts on these characters and this AU as I do have a lot of them, and I also actually really do agree with a lot of what you're saying right now! Originally, I thought of this concept as a way to bring a smaller form twist of the LU characterizations i've enjoyed a lot … which is why i say it's an off-shoot of Linked universe, as these versions of Time, Four, Wind and Rulie will become the LU heroes in the future to me… also i just want them to hang out and have fun ha

I have a lot of thoughts on what you mentioned, and would like to elaborate on what i think while also just talking about it in general, so i will put down a "read more" so as to not make it difficult for other people to scroll through this blog.

I find myself seeing the Linked Universe iteration of the hero of time to be a character who's at the end of their development… someone who's fully come to find a resolution to what they've gone through and is now somewhat at peace, especially after meeting the hero of Twilight. Child time is the initiation of this period of darkness for him; yet despite him going through so many adventures he's still very much a child- I doubt he has the tools or abilities to fully process how cruel fate has been to him. He's still an odd-ball of a kid who's still cheery…. I think that the true tumult of his life reaches his peak just when he reaches his 20's not right when he finished his adventures, so younger time is someone who i really wanted to write and draw…

Besides, I don't think he genuinely focused much on the horrors of his adventure at this current time of his life, and probably even had fun at some points. I always saw him as the kind of optimist who down-plays these horrors… Since he's always been placed in the pedestal of the hero of time, I think he's used to becoming someone who's very dependable! While he has his friends Deku scrub, Mikau and Darmani, they can only do so much for him… Which is why i do think pairing him up with these young heroes will do him well! He finally has others who truly get it… I feel like even if he's a bit cryptic over what he's seen and found in his adventures (His hero friends only seem to think he has four transformation masks…) he'll soon learn to be more at peace with it, and start unpackaging his feelings on it…

(unrelated) It also kind of translates to how I view his masks in this au. While Time has healed them of their worries and let them be at peace through the song of healing, I also believe in my eyes that time himself is one of the MAIN reasons the masks truly haven't moved on, because if you play the elegy of emptiness, there's four statues you play to, link being one of them… to the masks he's the only one left who needs to heal and Link is not allowing himself that… so they're in a state of half-consciousness where they can vaguely communicate to Time, who's the only one who can truly understand them (Much like how the happy mask salesman comprehends the masks' emotions, I just like the idea that Time picked up this empath ability from using the masks so much... I also imagine that if the others put the transformation masks on, it wouldn't work).

Time treats the masks with complete respect because to him they're his close friends, people who have seen almost as much as him, they've been through the adventure as well… they're actual tangible proof that his adventure happened, and mattered… It goes to say that having your own consistent group of companions be masks is not very healthy- which is why the masks are happy Time has found more friends. (see "random conversations" for context.)

I also noticed i put a lot of focus on the hero of Winds as of late, but that's because I feel he's quite underutilized… He's a really emotionally mature, smart kid who's also one heck of an older brother! The way i see it is that Wind being intimidated over Time is less so of fear and moreso of realizing that the person you've been equated to your entire adventure by a lot of people is standing right there. It's originally an intimitading feeling, that is later translated into intense older brother worry; Wind most likely expected this capable adult who was untouchable, but the reality of it really frustrates him… He's at a loss on how to address him, either as a respectable fighter who's very well his predecessor, or someone who's is younger than him who shoulders too many responsibilities. In the end, his older brother insctincts kick up…. but he doesn't want to disrespect Time by implying he's incapable so he's quite conflicted. He finds a middle ground eventually. To me, Wind is Time's perfect successor, I find the dynamic they both share to be really interesting. I always imagined wind to be rebellious of the legends and destinies as he's quite an oddity compared to the other heroes, so he definitely tries to help and connect with time, who in the other games somehow becomes a symbol of the legends themselves. He just wants to help Time, someone who's slowly sinking but refuses to acknowledge it.

[patriciavetinari]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers 🩵

(if you feel like participating)

Oooooh, an activity! Love those. Greatly appreciate.

1. An early night. You know the kind. When everything has been just exhausting, when you get home and maybe have a lazy snack, kick your shoes off, claw off the bra and the jewelry, wash the face with warm water or find courage for a whole shower, and then just crawl into nice sheets and Exist for a while in peace. Maybe read or watch something, scroll through comrade's blogs and memes. And the best part, you think you've wasted time and stayed up too long despite everything, and then you check the time and it's a wholesome 10:07 pm and you turn off the light and fall asleep and the world seems decent for one night. I am criminally bad in arranging those for myself.

2. Some sort of a creature I get to see. A dog being walked. A cat chilling on the windowsill. An butterfly doing her thing. Some crows that hang out near my bus stop every morning. A ladybug on a leaf, snail on a fence post. Another dog being walked. Surprisingly, a horse being led past my front window (? i'm still not sure why but hey, a creature). Bumblee butt sticking out of a flower. Seagull on the head of a statue: classic. Horse part of the horse drawn carriage as a tourist attraction in the city center. Pigeons. Once back in winter, on a freezing morning after an even more freezing night, I saw two seagulls trying SO HARD to break into a completely frozen discarded slice of pizza, probably someone's dinner from last night. One of them was grabbing it by the crust and shaking its head violently to break it apart, at some point slapping its mate with the said pizza across the beak. Peak comedy.

3. When it's raining and picking up to a thunderstorm and you get to stay home. Perfect no plans Saturday weather. You get your little bowl of soup and your cup of tea and it gets 'worse' outside, maybe the wind even tears your cracked window wide open (yeah I keep my window open during thunderstorms and I will die on this well ventilated hill). And you don't have plans, nothing pressing anyway, you can just sit and enjoy this. Extremely pleasant stuff.

4. A nice outfit on my favorite me. I mean, I have a streak of vanity, not gonna lie, and I enjoy the aesthetics. Feeling nice, looking nice, making something in the wardrobe work, this small act of creation of an image of self – it's nice. It doesn't exist in vacuum of course and there's some baggage to unpack there, but it still makes me happy when dress pretty and hair sets good.

5. Libraries. I know I know, nerd tumblerette answer, but genuinely. I've never seen a library I didn't like, be it a small town one with no copies of Marx or big Historical Importance one with columns and hard wooden floors. The atmosphere itself is an instant calm. Usually very nice muted noise level. Smell of books and books and books. Feels like time stands still, like the world is decent again. Books ranging from stupid to lifechanging and you get to prticipate in figuring out which is which.

Putting all of the above together, it must mean if I could be in a library while wearing a nice outfit, with a creature like a cat at the fingertips, a thunderstorm raging outside and a bed also present in the library to have an early night in right there – I would probably have an orgasm.

[amariemelody]

I dunno know if I'm asking for advice or just need to let this out or...I dunno...

So I installed the Meetup app on my phone and, lo and behold, one of the social groups is for...out-of-closet LGBT people.

I saw it while scrolling last month and, though I'm still very much in recovery from the flu (my doctor gave me a 2-week sample of a Trelegy inhaler), I still look and see quite a few events/outings that look like a ton of nice, casual fun once I'm well.

From their posted past events, it also looks like alcohol & smoking aren't at the center-a major plus for my non-alcoholic, asthmatic ass.

The group is already made up of 30+ people, and looks full to the brim of other black women and non-Black POC from the pictures. It openly says "allies & inclusion" are important, so perhaps that's also a code for LGBT folk like me who are still quite-closeted in real life and would approach without revealing our identity.

A part of me...really, truly, desperately want to go to an event. I'd love to start going regularly.

Another part of me...still wants and needs safety.

As I continue to be closeted in real life, so I continue to stay safe-or at least feel safe-but that also means that as far as being bisexual, I am very, very isolated from other LGBT people in real life.

I hit 32-years-old two months ago and it's something...I've been grappling with more and more lately.

And I'm not sure of the answer.

My online dating on HER still isn't...as fruitful as I hoped. It's turning into O*Cupid for me: lots of wonderful, lovely, attractive prospects but too much silence after I hit that "Match".

I very desperately want to experience a romance for the first time in my life.

I've made peace with the fact that this would be my first one even as I'm in my 30s. A lot of us LGBT folks don't get our "firsts" until much, much later. And in any case experience does not equate health and/or happiness.

I still want the experience.

When I go out on my own in a nice blouse or sweater, makeup popping, medical mask on straight, and earrings swinging...I admit I wish I was with another woman who thinks I'm pretty and attractive and tells me so. I'd love to feel and do the same for her.

I want to catch another woman's eye In That Way and she catches mine.

I'd love for her to maybe catch me in the door on the way out of the event and maybe ask me out for coffee.

I would love, love, love a casual coffee shop date. There's so many little lovely hole-in-the-wall coffee shops in my town that I enjoy, but hell I'll even take St*rbucks too. I'm a touchy-feeling person that would enjoy even a small, hand touch in-between sips of hot, festive coffee/tea drinks.

Even if none of that leads to the eventual marriage I want...I admit to myself that I still want those experiences and I want to feel safe in them.

But I as much as I want that, I am still abjectly terrified of another woman asking me out on a coffee date in public, in real life.

That's...sad. That's sad that I'm terrified of the potential exposure and possible resulting danger of going on a coffee date as a bisexual woman.

In 2023.

So yes, I've tried...to do it the online way, what felt the safer way for a long time now.

I want to be safe, but I also want to experience if not love just yet, then at least friendship.

I don't...yet see myself walking up to a real-life group of my fellow LGBT's and introducing myself as bisexual. I'd just want to be "Amarie".

I have absolutely no idea when or if Amarie would drop the Bisexual Bomb on anybody in the group.

Would I even be accepted just as Amarie? I've always already been "queer" as in "strange" even before I knew I was bisexual at age 25: I enjoy kids' media more than adults; my voice is higher than oft expected; I can giggle endlessly; and I unintentionally hide high intelligence behind jocularity and affability.

And lately, sometimes...I worry that I can't find my way through (or do I go around?) the tight, but intense chasm between being a romance sap who deeply wants to be partnered vs. being an already deeply, intersectionally-marginalized black woman with already full-blown C-PTSD that just as deeply wants and deserves to be safe.

I don't want it to eat me up.

I'm just...still not sure how to be safe and happy at the same time. And I hate that I still live in a world where the two just might still be mutually exclusive.

I...wish I knew how to be brave enough that I could open up the closet door just a little bit more than a peek.

[darkshrimpemotions]

Blatantly stealing from @pixiedustandbluebutterflies because I also dislike new year's resolutions (partly because I do inevitably run out of spoons OR just forget because wriggly brain by mid-February) but I LOVE the idea of goals, hopes, and things I'm excited about. So without further chattering...

My Goals for 2023

- Get my finances to a stable place I want to be able to delete all my payday advance apps, clean up my monthly subscriptions, pay down my credit cards so I can actually use them for emergencies as intended, and just not be scrambling around payday every two weeks to figure out how I'm going to make things work.

- Read more I'm not putting a specific number on it, I just want to spend more time reading than I did this year, especially when the only thing stopping me was doom scrolling or flipping mindlessly through my Roku channels looking for something to watch and finding nothing. I want to recapture the joy and peace I used to feel just getting lost in reading for a while, whether that's fanfiction, original fiction, nonfiction, poetry, whatever.

- Finish a WIP Any WIP, fanfic or original work, I just want to feel that sense of satisfaction when a piece I've worked on for ages is finally done.

- Go swimming every week this summer I have free unlimited access to a pool AND the beach for the first time in my life, I might as well use them!

- Learn to let go of things Specifically, tasks or goals I've set for myself that I never get around to that are mentally and emotionally blocking me from doing other things I actually want to do, like old WIPs from my Glee fandom days I can't stand to look at anymore.

My Hopes for 2023

- Get my various health issues resolved/under control

- Get to a place in therapy where I can think/talk about my familial issues without reliving them

- Finish a creative project (the one with Liz)

- Get pre-approved for a home loan

- Witness evil men finally suffer the consequences of their misdeeds

Things I'm Excited About in 2023

- Teen Wolf Movie (January)

- Bridgewater Season 2 (January)

- Criminal Minds Evolution (January)

- The Winchesters (January 24th)

- Eras Tour! (April); Going to see Taylor Swift live with some of the best people I know. We have Outfits planned!

- Pride Month (June)

- Summer (realistically May to September where I live); Can't wait to enjoy the warmth and sun and reprieve from RA symptoms and clear skin and increased energy and daily swimming that summer brings!

- Bisalp surgery (August); I am finally going to get off depo and take myself out of the running for pregnancy permanently!

- Halloween (October); Always my favorite time of year

I feel like I'm setting myself a lot of goals here but I have a lot I want to do! And if some of it doesn't happen, well. At least it wasn't for lack of trying!

I am really glad I did this because I didn't realize how much I had to look forward to this year.

[chocomd]

ATLA rewatch thoughts, Book 1 (eps 7-11)

7) Winter Solstice Part 1: The Spirit World - The introduction to spirit world of ATLA is just WOW!!! Hei Bai’s design is so kickass, and I loved everything about the spirits and the spirit world. SPIRIT WORLD MY BELOVED

8)  Winter Solstice Part 2: Avatar Roku - So far I’ve been just going along for the ride while rewatching Book 1, and I started to get invested (again) with ep 7, but this ep is where I am ALL IN. And Aang as Avatar Roku???? OMGFKDJHSDKSJHDFKSHD!!!!

9) The Waterbending Scroll - I always feel uncomfortable whenever I watch this episode, because Katara is petty and jealous and insecure for most of it. But it’s also totally realistic! Aang picks up waterbending so quickly, and he does it better than Katara, who has been struggling to teach herself for years because the war (ie FN) has stolen all the waterbenders from her tribe (so she steals the waterbending scroll from people who “shouldn’t” have it). The reason for her inability to master waterbending is tragic and makes me sympathetic toward her despite her attitude. But she probably doesn’t even consciously think about the reason, and the way she acts (unpleasant as it is) is very much like a teenage girl who feels deeply insecure and inadequate when someone else shows her up at “her thing.” 

10) Jet - Ah yes, the much-maligned episode of Book 1. But I actually LOVE this episode, and it’s one of my favorites in Book 1! I think people (esp Kataang fans) don’t like this episode because of Katara’s brief relationship with Jet. I’ve also heard complaints that Katara is OOC, and some people understandably can’t stand Jet. But everything about this episode is so fascinating to me, from Jet’s obsession with revenge against the FN, to the conflict between Sokka and Jet, to Katara’s eyes being opened at the end, and everything in between. There’s a lot to dig into in this episode that’s only 20 minutes long. Ultimately, Sokka is the star of this episode, and it really puts his ingenuity on display.

11) The Great Divide - This is the one episode I usually can’t stand, so would you believe that I ACTUALLY ENJOYED IT???? 😱 Yeah I was surprised too LOL! I watched this one mostly paying attention to Aang’s role and the conflict that plays out between Katara and Sokka, which parallels the Gan Jings vs the Zhangs, since it is 100% about Aang’s first real task as an Avatar who mediates conflict. And you know what? Aang really shines in this episode (which is really the only reason I enjoyed it). Until this point, he’s a 12-year-old kid who has been traveling the world as a free spirit, but this is his first test as an Avatar who will have to resolve conflict, because that will be his primary role in (eventual) times of peace. I used to hate the ending, and I still don’t like it, but this time I actually understand what the writers were trying to do. What Katara says to Sokka before they escape the canyon is a clue as to what the ending is about - “I don't care about this stupid feud, I just want us to get out of here alive.” Later, when the two tribes are starting to find common ground after working together to escape, they start to fight again because of their history, which cannot be changed. Aang wants the tribes to get along and end their “stupid feud,” so he tells this made-up story to rewrite that history, which is the only way he can get the tribes to listen to his message to “respect each other's differences enough to share the same playing field.” So yeah. I think the episode was trying to pass off Aang’s tactic as clever and effective, but I still find it to be.....strange. And it’s still my least favorite episode 🥲