#can u tell i’ve just taken a first aid course lol

[autisticlancemcclain]

“Simulation complete.”

The first Black Paladin turns to his team, smiling widely. “Great job, everyone! That’s the highest level we’ve managed so far!”

The rest of team Voltron turn to each other to celebrate, cheering and high-fiving, smiling all around.

“Your new axe is amazing,” Keith informs Allura, clapping her shoulder. She grins at him, and then holds her bayard in front of her appreciatively, admiring it.

“I was, wasn’t I.”

She spins it in a show of skill, bright blue shine of it catching on the bright training room lights.

“Everyone did really well,” Shiro agrees. He faces to each of the paladins in turn, complimenting them in turn. “Keith, your reflexes were wicked fast today. You definitely shaved at least five full minutes off our time.” Keith preens, pleased. Pidge and Hunk roll their eyes in tandem, and they advance on him at the same time, play-wrestling him to the ground.

“Someone needs to humble you, Dropout!” Pidge yells teasingly.

“Never!” Keith shouts, wiggling out of Hunk’s chokehold.

Shiro snorts, walking over to separate them before things get out of hand. “Alright, alright, you three. Pidge and Hunk, you two did awesome as well. I won’t pretend to understand what that new gizmo that you made does, but it was really cool.”

Hunk and Pidge both beam at the same time.

“Thanks, Shiro!”

“Yeah!”

“And you, Lance.” Shiro turns to the final paladin, smiling warmly. He’s lying flat on the ground, slightly away from the rest of them. “None of us had to watch our own backs even once. Our Sharpshooter had us the whole time, huh?”

Without looking up, Lance lifts the hand not resting on his chest, forming a thumbs-up. “Yep,” he says weakly.

The rest of the team frown at each other. Coran steps away from his place on the wall, setting down the clipboard he was using to take notes.

“Lance, dear?” he asks, concerned. “Is everything all right?”

“Peachy!” Lance says quickly. He tries to sit up, and manages, but it’s obvious that it took way more effort than it’s meant to. He’s wheezing slightly, breaths quick and shallow. “Just — tired, man. Keith ran us through all those wicked drills beforehand, and the training was intense. You know how it is.”

Keith’s brow furrows. “They weren’t…that bad,” he says slowly. He’s not even trying to get a rise out of the Blue Paladin; his voice is one of genuine confusion. “No worse than usual.”

Lance waves a dismissive hand. His other attempts to find a comfortable resting place somewhere on his chest area, moving from his sternum to his left pec to just above his waist before he gives up, setting it slowly on the ground. “I’m just tired, I guess. Haven’t been sleeping super well.”

The team all exchange looks, again. They all know about Lance’s insomnia, the nights he spends on the observation deck, painfully homesick and unable to force himself asleep. They have a schedule, for it. It was Allura’s turn to keep a half-eye on Lance yesterday evening, make sure he went to bed. She was excited about it and had them do facemasks and watch a movie together before finally heading their separate ways around midnight. If Lance really was struggling to sleep last night, he went to great lengths to conceal it.

Pidge takes a couple steps forward, the first of them to move. She sits next to his extended legs, her own legs bent in a W — a bad habit she’s yet to break — and plays with her glasses. She watches him carefully, but he avoids her gaze, looking pointedly at his lap.

“You can come to us, you know,” she says hesitantly. “I mean, I come to you all the time when I’m homesick. And you’re always nagging me about a sleep schedule, mom.” She punches him teasingly on the shoulder, intentionally very gentle, but Lance still inhales sharply, trying to disguise it last-minute as a cough.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Keith snaps. “Something’s wrong. Out with it, Lance, or I swear to God —”

“There’s nothing wrong, Mullet,” Lance snaps right back. “So how about you keep your nose out of my business —”

“Well how about you quit being a stubborn dumbass and tell people when you’re hurt —”

“I’m not hurt! And who are you calling stubborn, Mr I’m Gonna Run After Lotor Even Though My Entire Team Is Begging Me Not To —”

“At least I didn’t pretend I didn’t have a fever until it got bad enough that I collapsed right into my goo at a diplomatic dinner!”

“At least I didn’t train myself into heat exhaustion!”

“At least I didn’t —”

“Both of you!” Shiro shouts, making the two of them freeze. “That’s enough!”

The second he’s done speaking, both paladins point aggressively at each other, yelling: “He’s not listening to me!”

Or, well, Keith does. Lance tries, but the sudden movement of his left arm makes him shout in pain. He tries to cut it off, dropping his hand back down, but the damage is done.

“Shit, Lance, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean — are you okay — ” Keith rushes over to Lance, tripping over himself in his haste and very nearly crashing into him. Lance swats him away as he gets close, insisting he’s fine.

“Go away, Keith, I’m fine, I appreciate your concern but —”

In his attempt to twist away, he bends his torso strangely, causing another half-strangled shout of pain to come from his throat.

“Okay, no, this isn’t happening,” Hunk snaps. Before anyone can react, and before Lance can stop him, he rips open his fanny pack, yanking out a smooth white cylinder and pointing it in Lance’s direction. It beeps once, then shoots a wide, blue beam of light onto Lance, scanning him from head to toe.

“Several injuries located,” the device reads. “Ready to list and suggest treatment.”

Six pairs of eyes whip towards the Blue Paladin, varying from disappointed to scared to furious. For a moment Lance’s expression is open, shocked, deer-in-headlights, and then it shutters, replaced with something determined and endlessly, endlessly stubborn.

“I’m fine,” he insists. “If anyone comes any closer I’m going to throw a hissy fit.”

“You’re already throwing a hissy fit,” Allura points out. “When normal people are injured, they just get treated.”

Lance sets his jaw. “I’m already treated.”

Keith scowls. “Well, obviously not, because you’re hurt. Dickhead.” He reaches forward and tugs on Lance’s jacket, clearly meaning to take it off to assess further damage, but Lance hisses at him, snapping his jaw.

“Are you a fucking scorned chihuahua?” Keith demands, snatching his hand back.

“Put your hands on me again and find out.”

Before Keith can argue any further, Hunk plops down in front of them, pressing the scanner’s button again so a loud beep rings through the room.

“Listing injuries and assessment now,” it says. “Injured person: young human adult. Injuries: newly broken rib. Heavy bruising around chest area. Set and healing sprain around left shoulder joint, previously dislocated. Deep laceration on right thigh, early stages of healing. Joint abnormality in left knee. Several small wounds in mouth, inside of cheek and lower lip. Minor hearing damage, old injury. Minor brain damage, old injury. Highly elevated heart rate. Shallow breathing.” The machine pauses for a moment. Six pairs of eyes now stare at Lance in shock, jaws dropped.

Lance shifts, and if possible his jaw sets further, chin raised stubbornly and brown eyes hard and defiant.

The machine prompts again. “Proceed with treatment suggestions?”

No one speaks.

“Shut down, Scanner 6X427,” Lance says.

“Shutting down,” the scanner responds pleasantly. It beeps one more time and then grows cold in Hunk’s hand.

Everyone erupts at the same time. There’s so much panicked yelling that it kind of all amalgamates into the sound of three crowded rooms, all voices competing with another, u til eventually it settles into: “Holy shit, we need to get you to a pod!”

“Not happening,” Lance says firmly. “You can’t make me.”

“Um, yes I can,” Keith says. “As the Black Paladin, I order you to go to a pod right fucking now.”

“Seconded,” Shiro says, eyes narrowed. “That’s double Black Paladin orders.”

Lance shrugs. “As the Red Paladin, I say no, and also piss off, just as a little extra treat.”

“Lance, get in a fucking pod or so help me God,” Hunk says through grit teeth. “I will carry you out, you little shit.”

Hunk’s threat seems to shake some of the irritating calmness from Lance’s frame, and his voice gets a little angrier, a little more desperate.

“Well it’s going to be a struggle and a fucking half for you, because I’m not going in that fucking death trap conscious!”

“Lance, you’re really hurt!” Pidge cries. Frustrated and angry tears have started to drip down her face. “You’re scaring me! Get in the fucking pod!”

Shiro and Coran are so worried that neither of them correct her on her language, as they often do almost reflectively.

“I’m afraid no medical attention is not an option, child,” Coran says, firm. “You know the rules as well as I.”

“The rules don’t say jack shit about a pod,” Lance says harshly.

Keith blinks at that, flinching a little in shock. Lance is — Keith is well versed in Lance’s volatility. As much as they love and rely on each other, they’re both very stubborn, and still fall into the occasional screaming match. Lance also ends up arguing with everyone else on the team, really, as people living in close quarters tend to do; with Pidge about her sleeping habits, Hunk about working himself to exhaustion, Allura about her reckless tendency to self-sacrifice when it’s not necessary — those fights are always particularly hard to witness, because Lance is right, but he of all people can’t get angry at her for it — and Shiro’s stubborn insistence that he comes last. About stupid shit, too, although usually much less angry; dirty dishes left on the counter; chore schedules ignored, outside clothes on the bed.

But Keith has never, not once in their three years in space, heard Lance raise his voice at Coran. In fact Coran is usually the one that Lance listens to without question, the one he trusts to know more than he does in every subject. Lance may roll his eyes and groan about things, but he has never outright refused. Coran has his best interests at the forefront of his mind, something he’s made abundantly clear.

But Lance has just snapped at him. And while some guilt bleeds into his eyes, none of the stubbornness leaves his expression.

Coran looks hurt, but his voice is still firm. “I’m not asking, Lance.”

It’s a rare thing to have Coran use Lance’s real name.

A tear drops from the corner of Lance’s eye. His chin trembles. “And I’m not going.” His voice wobbles; begging, almost, desperate, instead of the angry tone it had before. “I’m not.”

“Everyone stop,” Allura says. “Pidge, Keith, move.” Her voice is not rude, but leaves no room for argument. Both paladins follow her instructions immediately, scrambling back. Allura kneels in their place, right next to the Red Paladin, and places a gentle hand on his. She squeezes.

“What’s going on?” she asks, in a creole of Altean and Cuban Spanish. “This isn’t a trick. I’m not going to move you, or force you to go anywhere. Talk to me like you make me talk to you when I’m upset. Why this reaction?”

Lance’s face crumples. It’s slow, like he’s fighting with all he has to stop it, to keep his face blank or at the very least hard, but it doesn’t work; tears fill his eyes and overflow rapidly, and his breath hitches in his throat, and then again, and his shoulders shake and his hands tremble and he starts to sob.

“I won’t go in a pod,” he says. “Please. Please don’t make me. I don’t want to get stuck again. There’s no internal release, I checked the manuals, and when they defect sometimes they get sucked down into storage and they stay down there and no one would hear me and the BLIP reader wouldn’t find me ‘cause of the radiation reinforcement in the walls and I’d suffocate and die and I can’t I can’t I can’t I can’t do it I’ll die I’ll suffocate I won’t be able to breathe —”

His already shallow breaths get even shallower, and soon he genuinely can’t breathe, wheezing, panic making his limbs flail slightly and his pupils to shrink down to pinpricks. Allura is the first to react, close as she is, firmly grasping both of his shoulders and straightening his neck to keep his airway open.

“Lance, you need to breathe through your nose,” she orders. “Close your mouth. Now. Yes, that’s it. Through your nose, okay? Like that. Exactly. Now purse your lips and exhale slowly out your mouth. Yes, perfect. Keep doing that. Do it with me. See how I’m doing it?” She breathes exaggeratedly, indicating for him to follow. “Good, good. Just like that. Keep going, asteraki. You’re doing great.”

Carefully so as to not crowd them, Keith sits on Lance’s other side, reaching forward and squeezing his ankle. Pidge follows suite, and then the rest of the team; sitting in a poorly-formed semicircle around their friend and teammate, chiming in with Allura with encouragement.

This is not their first panic attack, and it won’t be their last. Although this one was one they all could have prevented, as evidenced by the guilty way they look at each other.

Finally Lance begins to calm down, breaths evening out to a steady hiccuping, tears slowed to a trickle instead of a stream. Hunk digs in his fanny pack to hand Lance a tissue, but Lance grasps Hunk’s hand instead. Hunk smiles, tangling their hands together and keeping them that way, regardless of the awkward position and the strain on his arm.

“I dressed them,” Lance says, when he finally has his voice back. It’s hoarse, but earnest, pleading, almost.

“Dressed what?” Coran asks carefully. Out of all of them, he feels the heaviest guilt; knowing the role he plays for Lance means this was something he should have noticed first, not left for Allura to handle. It makes sense that she did — her own debilitating homesickness and depression means that she and Lance spend quite a lot of time with each other at their worst — but he still knows the paladin, knows him well, and he has the experience to identify that kind of fear. He has no excuse for failing to do so.

“All the injuries,” Lance answers. “I didn’t — I wasn’t ignoring them. I dislocated my shoulder two weeks ago, so I put it back into place with one of the x-ray machines to help and kept it stable for a while.”

“Is that why you kept stealing my hoodies?” Hunk asks quietly.

“Yes.” Lance smiles slightly. “And because I like them.”

Hunk snorts, smiling back despite himself. “Yeah, bud, I’m well aware. I’d say I want them back, but you can keep them for now.”

“Nice. I should get hurt more often.”

“Not funny,” each of them says immediately.

Lance winces. “Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.” He clears his throat. “Anyway, the rest of them are handled, too. I took a spear to the leg when I was training a few days ago, so I fixed it and stitched it myself. It was fine and it’s healing nicely and it’s not even a little bit infected,” Lance says to Pidge, who opens her mouth to protest. His insistence calms her a little.

“If you say so.”

“I do. I’ve given myself stitches lots before, don’t worry.”

“That is very worrying,” Shiro says. “All of us could help you with stitches, Lance.”

“You’d make me go in the pod,” Lance points out. “And none of my injuries are primary emergencies. I worked at the Garrison clinic for five years, and trust me when I tell you the staff there took student help way too seriously. Half of them straight up slept for their whole shifts. I know how to handle myself.”

“Some of that stuff is fine,” Keith admits. He’s been guilty of setting his own strains and pulled muscles so he can keep training. “I know you hurt your knee when we were doing that sim a couple months ago and putting a brace on was fine, we checked.” He hesitates. “But that other stuff sounds pretty serious, Lance. Numerous mouth wounds? Hearing loss? Brain damage?” He throws up his hands, frustrated. “That’s bad!”

“The mouth wounds are just me biting the inside of my mouth,” Lance explains. “That’s not even a real injury. I’ve been doing that my whole life. I’m never not done that. As for the other stuff…” He trails off, looking at his lap.

“From the Sendak explosion,” Coran says quietly. “Permanent damage.”

“But we’d know about that,” Pidge argues. “The pod says all that kind of stuff when the person comes out. It didn’t say any of that stuff for Lance. He was fine!”

Keith’s face goes white. “None of us were there.” As he says it the rest of them go pale, too, remembering that day. “We were — God, we were arguing about something stupid. I don’t even remember. Did you…”

“I caught myself before I fell,” Lance says, correctly guessing what Keith is too horrified to say. “I wasn’t — I’m not mad, guys. I don’t expect everyone to have just stayed waiting around a guy who most of you barely knew, at that point, in a medically induced coma. Besides, we were busy.”

“I’m sorry,” Hunk says. He’s started to cry, now, dark eyes blurry with tears and nose running. “I’m so sorry, Lance. I didn’t — I should have been there to catch you.”

“I promise you I’m over a thing that happened four years ago,” Lance says drily.

Allura pinches his ear. He yelps.

“Hey! No pinching the brain damaged person!”

“Not funny,” she says, although her mouth twitches. “And accept our apology, you jerk. I know it’s been eating at you. You’re a Leo and you told me that that means you hold grudges for a thousand years.”

“I regret teaching you astrology,” Lance mumbles. He is visibly relieved. “But, fine. Apology accepted, you bunch of goobers. Can we forget this happened, now?”

“Absolutely not,” Shiro says. “You still have hearing loss and brain damage. And a broken rib! I won’t force you into a pod, but we need to figure something out, kiddo.”

“Eh.” Lance waves a dismissive hand. “I’ve had two of the three for four years, now, so I barely even notice them anymore. The hearing loss isn’t that bad, plus I’ve always had audio processing disorder so I know how to read lips and I’m used to asking people to repeat themselves a bajillion times. And I’m pretty sure the brain damage thing just means I get more migraines than usual, which I already know how to deal with because of the ‘tism. The broken rib —” He falters. “Well, the broken rib doesn’t look great for me, but there’s no cure for that anyway. You’re just supposed to wait it out until it heals itself, basically, and the scanner thing didn’t say anything about a punctured lung so I’m good.”

“How you humans have managed to stay alive as long as you have astounds me,” Allura mutters.

“Fair,” all five humans say at the same time.

Lance moves to get up, swiping his cheeks to wipe away the tears. “Are we good now?” he asks hopefully. “Lancey-Lance is secretly a medical genius, all mistakes have been forgiven, we can go do literally anything else? Food would be great. I don’t know about you people but personally, being vulnerable makes me horribly famished.”

“Sit down, dear,” Coran says, steadying a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “Alteans have better medical equipment, you remember. Not everything is a pod, they’re simply faster.” He turns to Pidge and Hunk. “I need the two of you to get the bone stitcher from the MedBay. Allura, go with them, the label is in a dialect of Altean they haven’t yet learnt, they’ll need your help to get it. It’s also quite heavy and quite high up.”

They nod and scurry off.

“What can I do, Coran?” Shiro asks.

“Get him his headphones and some water,” he suggests. “It’s been a lot of stimuli for one varga.”

“On it.”

“I can get my own shit,” Lance grumbles. “I don’t want people digging through my stuff.”

“Get up and I’m going to dislocated your other shoulder,” Keith threatens, half-joking. “Stop being a dweeb about needed help. It makes you look like a straight guy.”

Lance opens his mouth and then closes it again. “I hate when you use my words against me. It’s three quarters of the reason you’re irritating.”

“Shut up,” Keith says pleasantly.

They’re both grinning. Coran shakes his head at the two of them, knowing he will likely never understand their relationship.

The rest of the team comes back quickly, and they work together to set Lance’s rib, get him hydrated, move the mood into something lighter. They all head to dinner when he’s stable, eating their goo in exhausted but comfortable silence.

Tomorrow, Coran will have Lance run through some brain scans to make sure everything is as alright as it seems. Tomorrow, Pidge and Hunk will start working on a pair of hearing aids. Tomorrow, Keith will insist on helping Lance change the bandages on his leg wound; red to his hairline but stubborn and steady and gentle. Tomorrow, Shiro will sit with Lance on the observation deck, and they will discover that both of their mothers are nurses, and they will laugh about ridiculous ER stories they’ve heard. Tomorrow, Allura will help Lance bedazzle his knee brace as obnoxiously as they can.

Tomorrow, they will fix things. Tomorrow they will make things right.

But for now, they sit, and they eat, and they enjoy each other’s company and take great relief in the knowledge that their Blue and Red Paladin is truly, possibly for the first time in years, safe.

[lizhly-writes]

i do not have anything very new for you this week.  i do, however, have this revised version of the first chapter of the ‘villainess’ side of my heroine-villainess isekai bodyswap story, which is, essentially, a full rewrite.  i have made some changes that have brought our pov character a little more in line with my mental image of her.  to quote someone that i had look at this: ‘Before mina seemed more refined like she kills u by poisoning u thru ur tea and then "ohoho"ing as u slowly lose consciousness and die, and now mina seems like she kills u by straight up ripping ur spine out lol’

i always did wonder why i never saw the ‘original’ villainess in otome isekai stories do some major physical damage for funsies, y’know?

warning: this thing is 2k+ words long. 

Why’s it so fucking loud.  Who’s screaming bloody murder in here?  Shut up, I got the worst headache and whatever slick steaming pile of shit you think you are, you ain’t making it better.  If you won’t keep that hole in your face quiet, what if I just heal it closed?  You won’t get a choice then, how about that?

I’m laid out flat on the floor, too. It’s wet, there’s something soaking in my shirt and my hair.  It better not be vomit.  Three fucking faces of Knight, how much did I drink last night.

I crack an eye open. “Th’ fuck’s goin’ on.”

There are people with the dumbest fucking faces staring down at me.  “You’re awake!” one of them exclaims, like everyone else has useless holes for eyes.  Course I’m awake, that something you really feel you gotta tell the world?

“Shit, really?  Wow!  Never woulda guessed,” I say as I drag myself to my feet.  Urgh, feels like I drank my way through the entire bar.  Did I get run over by a carriage or something too?  I’m real fucked up — balance off, arms and legs ain’t landing right, everything aches, and I got clothes on that look like I stole them from a crackpot fashion student.  

Though, hey, looks like everyone here is dressed like that.  Maybe it’s the crackpot fashion student side of campus. I’m in some really shiny cafe, by the looks of it.  The aesthetic here is… really something.  Didn’t know we had this kind of place at the university.

Let’s put that aside for now.  I crack my neck and ignore everyone talking at me as I give the entire place a once-over.  No sign of Emily or Asher, which doesn’t sound right.  If I’m this messed up, normally Asher’d be right there with me.  Emily, at least, would’ve tracked me down and tried to kick me in the head or something.  Not that I’d need a kick in the head, it hurts bad enough as it is.  Maybe enough that I can say that I’ve knocked something loose.  Hearing’s definitely off, it’s doing funny things to my voice.  Not liking that very much at all.

“How much is a drink ‘round here?” I say, because while alcohol got me into this, I’ve heard great things on how alcohol can get me out of this.

“I don’t think you need a drink,” says an absolute fucking killjoy from somewhere behind me.

“‘Scuse me?” I say as I do an about-face.  The killjoy in question looks boring enough that I’d forget him instantly if it weren’t for the eyes.  Real pretty shade of blue, nice enough that probably some asshole’s tried yanking them from his skull.  It’s a wonder he still has them!  Maybe he’s a good enough fight that people don’t bother, huh?

He doesn’t react when I step in for a closer look — yeah, there we go, left eye, the scars are barely there, but it looks like someone’s been using their nails to make an attempt.  Honestly, you’d think he’d flinch a little with me getting that close to his face, it’s not like his glasses’ll be any good at protecting him.  But no, he just stands there and says, “I think you need first aid.  You might have a concussion.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’re bleeding.  A lot.”

…Hmm.  

“Am I?” I say.  I reach for the bits of me that I’d hoped hadn’t been sitting in vomit and… yeah.  My fingers come away red.  

Trace a little further up to the back of my head, and there’s the head wound.  Not as deep as I’d think, but it’s there, along with a very long braid I don’t remember getting.

Maybe I am concussed.  Should’ve noticed both of those things a lot sooner.

“Yeahhhhh, okay,” I say.  “Lil later, then.”  After I fix myself up, maybe.

“I think you’re actually supposed to avoid drinking after a concussion altogether,” says Absolute Fucking Killjoy.

“Fuck you,” I say. Of all things, that’s what gets him to flinch.  Interesting priorities he’s got there.

About the drink, though.  He ain’t wrong.   I know how head wounds work.  But those rules on what to do with them?  That’s for other people.

“You need a doctor—”

Please.  Last time I needed a doctor was years ago.  

This kind of thing, it’s easy enough to take care of.  So easy that it should be already healed up, but whatever.  Just a little concentration, and —

And.

...What's this?  

“That’s new,” I say, squinting at the crackling light running over the palm of my hand.  Real fancy, real nice to look at.  Doesn’t feel like much, but I bet I could make something like this hurt if I wanted to.  Nice little add-on, this.  I like what I got — I’m the best with what I got — but power is power.  Nothing wrong with having a little extra in your punches.

Except this ain't anything I can do. This ain't anything I should be able to do.  That’s pretty fucking strange, isn’t it?

“What are you doing,” says Killjoy, voice sharp.  

The face he’s making is probably hilarious.  It’s less interesting than the way light curls over my fingers, trailing over my wrist as I twist my hand this way and that.  If I let it, maybe it’d spread further up my arm.  How much higher could it go, really?

I don’t get to find out, because Killjoy snatches my hand, snapping his own fingers over it until only light you can see has to fight its way out from where skin meets skin.  And then it’s not even that, dying away until it goes dark completely.

Oh this bitch.  

“Well, ain’t you forward, huh?” I say, baring my teeth.  “What d’you think you’re doin’?”

“You’ve got a concussion,” Killjoy reminds me, like he thinks I forgot.  I ain’t forgetting nothing, got it?  It’s easy to take care of — just a little thought, and maybe it’s taking a little more effort, but the skin knits up just fine.

I sweep a hand lightly over the back of my head, just to make sure everything’s in order.  The swelling’s gone down, the bruising’s gone, eyesight seems pretty clear.  Headache and bodyache’s still there, which is annoying.  There’s been some improvement, but that’s not what I’m looking for.  It should be gone.  Is it not physical damage, then?  What, is it psychosomatic or something?  That’s a shit explanation.

It’s only after my self-checkup that I realize that Killjoy is still talking.  “— can take you to the clinic,” he’s saying, sounding very earnest.  He’s still holding my hand.

I shake him off impatiently.  “That’s unnecessary,” I say, and push open the shiny glass doors so I can find Asher or Emily or someone and go on with my life.

I don’t get more than a few steps outside before I realize I’m running headfirst into a problem. Namely, that the outside that greets me is not the university.   Not even close.  Not unless the mayor sent the entire city crashing down and decided to rebuild from the ground up.  Not unless everyone collectively decided to take overly-caffeinated fashion students’ advice when it came to everyday wear.  Not unless somebody made far too many innovations in automobile development and decided to implement them on every vehicle I can see here.  Not unless all of that happened while I was passed out.

No.  I should have noticed that before, too.  I don’t pass out.  Alcohol fucks me up, sure.  But I’ve never drunk so much that I got knocked unconscious.  I’ve never been able to drink enough to knock me unconscious.

…I remember now.  I didn’t go out drinking last night.  No, what happened was that some asshole attacked me— or, you know, tried to attack me for maybe a solid minute before I started beating the shit out of him for daring to ambush me.  I was doing quite a good job, if I do say so myself. I know I broke some bones, broke his face, had my hands around his neck, and it would have only taken me a second or so more -- just one good squeeze! -- to pulp his windpipe, and he would be dead. 

But I didn’t get to that part.  The last thing I remember was putting just enough pressure on his throat to make him choke, and then… nothing.  That’s it. That’s all I have before I woke up in the cafe.

I’m missing something.  I know I am.   It’s pissing me off.   

That fuckwad.  What did he do?  Clearly I made a mistake letting him breathe for more than a minute or so, I should’ve just killed him on sight.  If I find him again — no, when I find him again — I’m going to squeeze the answers out of him and grind his skull into paste, I’m gonna make him wish he was never born, I’m gonna make sure he’s in so many fucking pieces no one can tell his —

“Hey,” says Killjoy, because I suppose he followed me out or something. “We really need to get you to a doctor.  I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, but even if it’s not a concussion, it’s safer to get it looked at, you know?  You said you were on university insurance, right? So it’s not like it’s even going to cost —”

And then he shuts up, because I have him by the collar of his shirt and he’s suddenly bent over enough that he’s barely an inch away from my face.

“Please.  Would you kindly keep your mouth closed,” I say.  “If not, I’m afraid I’ll have to make you choke on your own teeth.  Do I make myself clear.”

Killjoy doesn’t close his mouth.  It’s hanging open gently, his pretty blue eyes wide and shocked.  But I suppose he understands the spirit of what I’m asking for, because he doesn’t say anything, even when I let him go and kindly push him back upright.

Well, no, actually, there is one thing.  There’s a name he whispers: Allison.  But it’s so quiet that I can generously pretend I can’t hear it and let him keep his mouth in one piece.  I leave him standing there, and set off.

Where?  It doesn’t matter.  I walk through black-paved streets and stone-slab sidewalks, speed past too-tall buildings and too-bright colors and hoping for — I don’t know. One familiar building.  Something, anything, that I can recognize.

But… nothing. It’s like I’m an entirely different country.  An entirely different world.

How long was I out?  Am I missing memories?  What did that sad excuse for an ambusher do?

As if this day couldn’t get any better, Killjoy finds me at the entrance of a tiny, cramped alleyway, shadowed by buildings rising tall around.

“You just never fuckin’ give up, do you?” I say, sharp smile sliding easily across my face. I don’t know where I am, but I know I’m a fair distance away from where I started.  He can’t have just coincidentally run into me.  He had to have either followed me or known where I’d end up.  It doesn’t matter which.  Either option means that he’s still thinking of me.

He starts when I turn around and face him — he probably didn’t expect me to figure out he was there that quickly, huh? Well, I have to give him credit, he really is quiet.  And he stays quiet, too, even as he scrambles backwards when I start stalking towards him.

“You gonna tell me I need a doctor again, huh?”

Go on.  Say it.  I gave you a warning, I told you what I’d do to you, it’s not my fault you can’t listen.  I’m looking forward to it, actually!  Thank you for showing up just when I needed stress relief!

“… not Allison,” Killjoy says, so softly I barely hear it.

“Pardon?”

“You’re not Allison,” he hisses, and oh, is that a sight — his eyes are aglow, the light behind them illuminating their blue so that it shines against the darkness.  How pretty.  How valuable.  Even more so than when I thought the only thing that stood out about them was the color.  Really, how good of a fight must he be that he still has them?

I’m gonna find out.

[justboredtingz]

Hello can I request some hcs for Akaashi, Oikawa and Yamaguci when they sleep in one bed with their gf for a first time (like a sleepover or something) and she starts talking in a foreign language while she's sleeping? Like you know she's multilingual and the boys suddenly wake up and they're like ??? what are u saying ¿¿¿ Thank you so much❤️ Hope it's not too much to ask for 🥺 Have a nice day

PFFT IM SORRY THIS WAS FUNNY TO ME✍(◔◡◔) i put my own little twist to it i hope it was okay but if you don’t like it i can always rewrite it! but pretty much in this story they all forgot you’er multilingual or just didn’t think that you’ speak a different language in your sleep lol

Akaashi 

The first time Akaashi spent the night with you, he had to sneak in your window so he wouldn’t get caught by your parents at 2 in the morning

What caused this was because you called him and said you had a terrible nightmare, something along the lines of being dragged away by what you described as a demon

He wanted to make sure you could sleep and made his way over to your place like the AMAZING boyfriend he is

When you got the text he was outside, You let him in and pulled him under the covers with you, close enough to your body to the point you could feel his breath against the baby hairs on your forehead

Before you even got comfortable you informed him that you tend to talk in your sleep and to please excuse that. he was cool with it as long as he could sleep next to you

it took you awhile to fall asleep, akaashi staying up to make sure you did so. He was extremely tired due to the volleyball game he played only hours ago, but wasn’t really worried about himself

A few moments passed and he heard you mumble a few words 

He thought it was the cutest thing EVER until he heard you mumble something along the lines of

.

 b̵̳͍̝̰̈͆̈̆͆͌͌r̸͓̯͐̒̾͑̈́̏̑í̸͉͗̆͊̏͊n̷̯̦̦̙̝̿͒̀̈́̏̾͝ͅg̴̰͓̬̼͕͍͐̓̋͒è̵̼͇̲̫̦̖̈́̉͋͌̔̕ͅţ̶̼̲͊̒̓̇͝h̸̬̺̙̞̰̳̾͝ ̴̡̻̞̩̪̍͛͊̀̂̉̕͜͜͝t̴̯͊̽͂͊h̴͖͎͔̋͊ý̷̗͕̜͇͇̉̀͌̀̉̚n̸̨͖̰͖͕̊͑̿̅̋͌̎ ̴̯̍͛͝d̵̡̪̲͔̍̅͆̇͘̚ȉ̸̡̭̻͇̩̩̘͗̕c̶̛̣̣̙͆̀̽̎͋̓͜ķ̴̟̺̣͖͙̏̽̓̎

.

His face went ( ≖.≖) he really hoped his exhaustion was just getting to his head

...Did I imagine that?? I’m pretty tired maybe i should just-

You said the same exact thing  and he didn’t waste a second trying to DIP

he slowly tried to pull away from you, not wanting to anger you or WHATEVER was in your body 

You unintentionally pulled him closer, poor boy’s body went tense

“(y/n)?” 

you shifted only a little 

“b-baby???” He poked your cheek slightly and you finally fluttered your eyes open 

however, with your groggily just-woke-up voice, you accidentally spoke in another language he obviously forgot you spoke

.

Ì̴̜͔͉̮̱͎̬̫̐̃̎̅̔͒ṣ̴̢̢̛̫̺̮̾̑̀͘̕͝ ̶̨̡̗͉̗̦̮̈́͆̾̃̅̎͐͘s̵͔̆ő̶̼͛̐͋̐͌m̴̢̛̭̟̹͖̓̇̚͝ḙ̵̡̘̝͇̲̳̥͐̇͋̄t̶̹̯͈̳̮͇͕̫̍̏̆͌͆h̶̛͔̗̼̓͋̓͊̒͝ĭ̷̡̧͙͔͕͓͓̉͂͛̔̾͑͝ṅ̶̡̛͍̟̺̟̎̋̋͐g̸̱̗̼̬̘̼͒̈͊̆̋͜͜ ̸̙̱̥̺̳̓̈͛̂͜w̵͋ͅr̵̨̞̯͚͔̣̅̏̂̊͒̆́o̸͚̟̗͓̯͙̟̙͌̋̆̄n̴̹͙̯͋̈́̀̌g̸͉̞͎͛͛̓̓̚͝?̶̰͕̲͚̎̊͘͜

..

My boy went straight panic mode and was trying to think of a way to get out of this situation Should i jump out the window? Should i go tell her parents even though i’m not suppose to be here? I’ve never dealt with the paranormal but i have dealt with bokuto-

You looked up at him and saw how PANICKED he looked and you automatically thought you both got caught

“Did my parents see you??” you looked around the room for any signs of them and started to panic your damn self

you were confused when he looked relieved?? wtf goin on???

He brought you into a hug and snuggled his face in your hair( or bonnet cause girllllll),” Y-you weren’t speaking english and I- the dream you had and-“

“Keiji did you forget I’m multilingual??”   “Oh.”

Oikawa

When you told him you’ve been having really evil nightmares recently, he asked your parents if he could spend the night and even said he’ll leave the door open so they wouldn’t feel like anything is going on because he’s just THAT type of boyfriend

when nighttime finally came, you forgot to mention that you talk in your sleep but it shouldn’t be that big of a deal right??

You cuddled closely into oikawa’s back, spooning him and lowkey sniffing his hair cause whatever he uses makes that shit smell delightful

it honestly helped you fall asleep quickly 

oikawa felt so relaxed and he was almost asleep too before he heard you speak

“hm? What was that?” he listened closer, but what he heard??wasn’t?? english???

.

ṭ̸̯̤͍̭̬̓͌̅̕ḫ̵̙̯̏͊̍́͒͘ã̸̧̰͚̩̽̂͊͛͘͘ṭ̷̂̉̄͂̑̽̅ ̷̧͍̲̔̀̍̕̚ą̸̜̤̤͈̿̊̑͛͌͊͠s̷̗͇͔̋̂̐̇͘͜s̶̯̰̯̭̠̤̖͕͋̀̉̈́͋̾͝ ̸͉̜́͒̅į̶̛̾̈́̈́́͆s̵̱̩͎͉͆̾̈́̀̉̅́͠ ̶̮͌͗f̶̢͓̝̪͙̦̠͚́͋̍̃̇ą̷̣͕͓̝̹̠̪͆t̷̬̜̖̻̍̉͊͜

.

○.◎

He slowly turned his head towards you and saw you were still asleep

then he thought back to how you spoke about feeling like your body was being taken over whenever you had a nightmare

My boy started CRYING he grabbed his phone and texted his precious iwaizumi

-I love you iwa-chan I’m sorry for drinking your last gatorade please tell my mother i love her (╥︣﹏᷅╥᷅)

He literally sat there and weeped loud enough to wake you up

“Tooru? sweety are you okay?” you pulled his face to look at you and he had a damn snot bubbled

“Y-y/n??? is that y-you??” the way he looked at you made your heart ache

“Yes it’s me, what’s the matter??”

“ A DEMON TOOK OVER MY (Y/N)-CHAN!!”

it took you a second to think about what he was talking about but it finally clicked

“OH!!!! tooru you know how i’m multilingual?? Well sometimes i talk in my sleep and it’ll come out in a different language i’m sorry for not telling you!!!” you pulled him into a kiss and wiped his tears away

“I thought my baby was gone (╥﹏╥)“

Yamaguchi

When you told him you haven’t been able to sleep well because of your nightmares, he shyly asked if you wanted to sleep over his house so he could watch over you at night

which of course you said yes to cause late night cuddles with yama-baby is a y e s 

His bed was on the small side and he didn’t want you to accidentally fall off, so he had his back to the edge while you got to be closer to the wall 

anyway (idk why i always have to set a scene i just have to) when both of you were comfortable, yall pretty much talked until you fell asleep. you talked about what you saw in your nightmares, his volleyball games, goals you both had, etc. INCLUDING your habit to sleep-talk

uwu soft moment this boy is so in love with you he kissed your forehead before cuddling closer to you to fall asleep

it hit around 3 am when he was woken up by your mumbling near his ear

“(y/n)? you still awake?” He whispered. When he didn’t get a reply, he just assumed it was youe sleep-talking

.

n̴̠͇̻͗ͅị̸̣͓̔̊̋̿̃́͛̋c̷̘͚͚̯̲̎̌̉̆͋̒ȩ̶̻̲͗͋͘͠ ̵̼̼̆o̴̱̽͂͌̅ṇ̸̨͙̝̞̯̘̐̍̈́́e̷̡͍̹̰̫̰̍̎̓ ̸̢̨̞̲̭̻̳͊̈́̓̊́̏̋͝t̸̪̲̻̬͇̞̻͋̄͑̍͑̂̕o̵̤͉͊ụ̸͇̲̘̙͖͓̭̚͝c̵̃̊͗̍̾̚͜͠h̶̤̣̘̆̅̆̀́͒

.

he heard that PERFECTLY CLEAR and he is DEAD sure that wasn’t english

He didn’t think nothing of it, still thinking he didn’t understand until you said something else

.

d̶̬͈̘̼͓̩̭́̊i̷̠͔̊̒͛͋͌͑͊̔ḍ̴̨̲̫̎̌̑ ̴̪̱̐́̀̍ͅÿ̸̢̖͍̬͙̊̚o̵̱̥̱̻͐ͅȗ̶̪̳͇͔̝͊̌ ̶̧̛̹̫̰̱̠̃́͒͑͌͘h̸̢̩̭͔̞͊̐͐ė̶͎̜͐á̶͕̪̤̝͎̞͉̏͗̏̂r̴̟̣̜̘͆͂̓̍͜ ̶̰̻̃͆̆͗̈́̎ẅ̷̲̺́̋̈̅͊͒̿͝t̴̥̟̜̰͕̿f̵͉͆͗ ̸̛͖͎͎̤̈́͌̃̏͊į̸̧̝͉̳͎̆̒͑̍̈͠͝ ̵̨̹͕̱̤̻̽͊́̇ͅs̵̘̼͎̮͋a̴̤̍͐̀i̵̢̢̹͔̳͉̫̒̃̇̈̊̄d̸̬̈́̑̉̒̀,̸͇̺̺̼̟͈̼̳́̂̏́ ̴͙̦͆̎̿͊s̶̨̡̝͙̟̯͓̏h̵̥̖͎̺̰͈̋͛̈́͝ả̸̧̨̤̗̘̜̝͋͂̏̈̕k̶̡͇̬͌̐̽̏̒͑ę̴̻̝͆͆̃̓̌́ ̶̈́͜S̵̛͇̖̩͑̄̒O̶͙̠̤͗̋M̴̡̀̍̎Ȩ̴̭̝͉̠̫͓̅͛ ̶͙̺̄̈̾̊͋A̵̜̓͑͆̀̂̕͠S̷̡͎͔̖͎͚̍̒̈͊̽̅̓͝Ŝ̸̢̞͕̋̔

.

yea he KNOW FOR SURE what you said wasn’t english and flipped TF OUT

dead ass started SCREAMING, rolls off the bed and across the room

His parents come running in and you sit up out of the bed heart beating hard asl

“Tadashi?! what happened are you okay???” You pretty much crawl to him and his parents are standing around you both trying to see what’s wrong

He couldn’t even speak he was stuttering so hard poor baby omg,” y-ou s-aid- s-someth-thing.. it wasn’t e-eng-gli-”

His parents asked him to elaborate and all he said was, “In y-your sleep..”

it was quiet for a moment then you just BUST out laughing

“Tadashi I talk in my sleep, i told you this! You know i speak languages other than english, too!”

“I didn’t know you’d say it in your sleep! I thought you were a demon!!”

[jo2ukes]

Hello! I’m hildahilda from tumblr and I saw you taking prompt requests for 50 ways to love your partner (which has become one of my fave dmileth fics). May I suggest... Dimitri and Byleth debating/arguing over political concerns or having long horse rides together? Just getting these ideas from their paired ending lol. Thank you!

HELLO LOVELY!!! Aaa your comments are always so sweet i always look forward to reading what you have to say slkdfjslkd  thank u for requesting smth ilysm~

I’m SO SORRY this took so long - I’ve been working on it off and on, but I slacked off too much at work last week so things kind of blew up and I’ve been living off of energy drinks. THAT BEING SAID, this is for YOU!!! I’m gonna upload to ao3 later as well, just not rn bc I’m at work lol :-)

spoilers for like. post game and blue lions stuff, though i tried to be pretty vague!

It was never typical for diplomatic meetings to go smoothly. Not that Dimitri is naïve enough to expect them to be easy. Even in times of peace, there are always areas for improvement. Dissatisfactions to be addressed. Relationships to maintain. Something about having his work cut out for him makes these meetings easier – though solving the issues are certainly more time consuming. Uniting Fódlan has been no small undertaking and he is grateful for all the assistance he receives from his friends. He is painfully aware that destruction is his forte – his hands and mind have only recently been converted to the goal of healing and restoration. To lead, you have to be able to both destroy and create, Byleth has told him. She’s right. United Fódlan and the relative peace they have now wouldn’t exist had he not destroyed Edelgarde and her dissenting Imperial forces. While the beast in him once relished in the idea of putting an end to El’s machinations, taking her life was one of the most painful trials he’s had to endure. The perspective motivates him. Encourages him to listen to his people and create a world where no destruction is needed, where no one is unjustly taken.

 He constantly reminds himself of this goal. It makes the sleepless nights worth it.

 The current roundtable has gone on for hours at least – Ferdinand, Lorenz, Byleth, Seteth and a handful of other nobles – mostly from former Faerghus territories – are in attendance. Unofficially, Ferdinand speaks for nobles of former Imperial territories, while Lorenz speaks for former Alliance territories. They’ve been instrumental in the restructuring efforts. While the three of them were not particularly close before, Dimitri counts them among his close friends now.

 “I hate to mention it on top of everything else,” Ferdinand bites his lip, “but there’s one last item I feel needs to be addressed before we adjourn. We’ve had trouble with the Western Church in the Aegir territory. We’ve repelled a few initial attacks. At first we thought it was bandits, but… well, we’ve confirmed the worst. Normally, my pride would never allow asking for assistance, but with our resources and attention spread out as it is, namely correcting my father’s corruption, I’m not sure this is a matter I can handle solely on my own. I don’t want to cause any more chaos in my territory than need be.”

 “You are correct to bring it up,” Dimitri says, furrowing his brow. “Aegir territory is a long way to go to cause trouble.”

 “If the Western Church is mobilizing again, it will certainly affect the trade routes we’ve established,” Lorenz observes. “The few merchants that can afford to travel certainly can’t afford losses to their inventory or company. Our trade routes are the most vulnerable. As former Imperial lands are in the most chaos, what with the complete restructuring needed post-war., it makes sense the Western Church, whatever their goals may be, would seek to cause disruptions there. If we truly seek to provide aid and maintain good relations with the nobles in the south, surely this conflict requires more attention. Wouldn’t you agree?” He looks back at Ferdinand.

 “Respectfully, yes,” Ferdinand nods solemnly. “Though, I understand the Central and Western Churches have their summit planned later this month, which surely makes matters precarious.”

 Eyes turn to Byleth and Seteth.

 “You are correct,” Seteth nods, addressing the nobles. “We are aware certain sects of the Western Church are mobilizing, though we had not heard of any activity in the Aegir territory. You can trust the matter will be dealt with. Her Grace has asked that I lead a fraction of the Knights of Seiros to investigate these disturbances while she attends the summit later this month. Ashe wrote to us several weeks ago, disclosing Western Church movements in the Gaspard territory once again. Since then, we’ve been keeping a watchful eye.”

 “How watchful, if they are mobilizing in areas you are not aware of?” Lorenz asks. “Your Grace, your Highness, I know the Church is quite busy with restructuring efforts, but perhaps it would be wise to focus more resources in this area.” He taps his upper lip thoughtfully. “Perhaps if we sent forces that were not affiliated with the Church it wouldn’t complicate things at the summit. The Western Church can feel safe in trusting the Central Church, and the people can feel safe that something is being done about these attacks.”

 “I agree,” Dimitri hums after a beat. “Very well. Seteth, I want you to take some of Fhirdiad’s knights with you. As things are a little more stable in the capital than anywhere else, it is less of a burden on our resources. Ingrid and her company should be available, I believe. I’ll send word they’re to accompany you back to the monastery. I’ll want to be kept in the loop, of course.”

 “With all due respect, your Majesty,” Byleth says, clearing her throat, and breaking her silence, “this is a Church affair. While I appreciate your offer for assistance, we must decline.”

 “On the contrary,” Dimitri shakes his head, “It stopped being a Church affair when it started threatening to plunge all of United Fódlan into another war, your Grace. These are not random attacks, they seem rather targeted.”

 “The Western Church simply does not have the resources or manpower to launch a full-scale war,” she shakes her head. “I do not believe that is their intention this time. They’re recovering just the same as the rest of Fódlan. If you’ll remember, the last time the Western Church created conflicts, there was a larger power at play. As relations with the Western Church are already delicate at best, I’d ask that you let us investigate internally first, at least until the summit has concluded. A month’s time, that’s all I’m asking.”

 “It is not that I distrust your ability to manage your own, I simply wish to prevent further harm to the already suffering villages.”

 “I understand your concern, your Highness. My wishes are the same,” she straightens her back, looking him square in the eye. She looks truly regal and imposing. For a moment Dimitri thinks it’s a shame the others get to observe her in her authoritative splendor, that it’s not a look only he can witness. But the thought only lasts a moment – he’s more than familiar with that determined glint in her eye. He’s in for a fight.

 “However,” she continues, “I cannot hope to restore faith in the Church if we are constantly shown to be unable to handle our own. Say what you will, but Edelgarde’s war has damaged the Church’s reputation, strengthened seeds of distrust. Whether that distrust was well-placed or not is of no consequence. The reputation of the Church must be restored. Through transparency, through rooting out corruption and self-serving officials, so be it, but it must be handled by the Church. We’ve only just concluded a war built on that same distrust – what message would it send if the King had to step in? How would that offer any reassurance to the people that things are different?”

 “You suggest, then, that the people will be more willing to accept the Church should be allowed to continue to govern its own?” he asks, folding his arms.

 “I’m suggesting we be given a chance to prove ourselves. If the leaders cannot trust the Church, the people cannot hope to hold the same faith.”

 “It is a risk,” Ferdinand interjects, “but I believe Her Grace has a point. Restoring faith in the Church should be a priority, and that task begins with our actions here.”

 Lorenz and Seteth both begin to speak, but whatever they start to say is lost to Dimitri and he focuses on his wife’s voice, rising above the others. When she and Dimitri disagree on topics, the others in the room cease to exist to the two of them. While they do not always agree, he trusts her above all else. He respects and values her opinion, as she has led him down the right path time and time again.

 “Rather than bandaging a severed limb,” Byleth continues, “We should treat the root of the problem. I believe this is not the Western Church, but some unnamed force. Without revealing too much of my own hand, I have reason to believe Edelgarde’s… unsavory allies may have resurfaced.”

 “Is this truly information that should be held by the Church alone?”

 “For the time being, yes,” Byleth nods. “As you said, we do not want to cause further damage to those that are already suffering. Mobilizing too early may do just that. Again, a month is all I ask.”

 “If Ingrid and her company were instead mobilized to the Aegir territory to assist in repelling potential attacks in the meantime, would that be sufficient?” Dimitri asks. It’s more of a thought than a command. He’s willing to let Byleth win this round as he can’t begin to fathom some of the complications that come with running the Church. He takes an interest, supporting her how he can. In private, she tells him of her duties and concerns – an odd topic of conversation for pillow talk, but he likes that she trusts him with some of her burdens and worries, as she’s helped him shoulder his own for so long.

 His main goal is to protect the people. Byleth has always been better at keeping her attention toward the future, while his attention is usually focused on the short term. Perhaps it’s one of the reasons their compromises work so well. Sending troops to assist Ferdinand would fulfill his intention of keeping the villagers safe, at least until the end of the summit. Not to mention, the increase in feelings of unity.

“I have no qualms with that solution,” Byleth says, a smile forming at the corners of her mouth.

 “We would be grateful for your assistance,” Ferdinand addresses Dimitri, giving a slight bow of his head. “I’m humbled, your Majesty.”

 “It’s settled then. I will pass word along to Ingrid,” he scribbles a note for himself. “In the meantime, perhaps we should adjourn for the evening?”

 A collective sigh of relief seems to spread throughout the hall. The various lords stand, bowing to Dimitri before exiting, ready to rest and enjoy the few hours of downtime they have before meetings resume again the next morning, servants coming to escort them to their various rooms. Ferdinand and Lorenz excuse themselves as well, familiar enough with the castle they feel comfortable roaming the halls without guidance.

 Once the room is empty, Dimitri turns to his wife who stands behind him.

 “I thought that went rather well,” he says, offering his hand. She takes it. “Though the Archbishop seems quite determined to give me a hard time,” he jokes. She squeezes his hand gently.

 “You’ll have to forgive her, your Majesty. I hear she’s rather stubborn,” she smiles up at him before standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek.

 “If that is official guidance from my Queen, I suppose I shall take it under advisement,” he laughs. The two of them walk hand in hand through the corridors. “You’re sure the investigation into the Western Church won’t be difficult for you, beloved? I worry about your safety.”

 “I can’t promise the investigation won’t come without dangers,” she replies truthfully, “but I will exercise caution. I have Seteth watching out for me.” She sighs, her mood immediately lightening, “At any rate, that’s enough talk of politics and official business. I asked Cyril to saddle the horses before sundown. If I haven’t been too stubborn, perhaps you’d like to join me?”

 “I’m quite fond of your stubbornness, you know,” he smiles, letting her lead the way to the stables.

 “I know,” she laughs.

[thedefinitionofbts]

Error

Pairings: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Scifi, Angst, Robot Au

Words: 4.5K

Description: As requested by anon: “have u seen Vixx Error MV?? can i request a jungkook robot au based on the MV?? something along the storyline about after ur tragic death he couldnt live on without you so he made a robot that looks exactly like you and programmed all their memories they had together into the robot. but the police (well more those ppl in black from the MV lol) finds out about it and take actions. and so now you and her are trying to escape together.”

A/N: First off, I’m just going to say I love Vixx’s Error, and I’ve been wanting to write a robot au for a long time coming. I hope you don’t mind that I added my own little twist to this. Thank you for the request!

Jungkook stares at the humanoid robot positioned in front of him, tracing along every edge and curvature of the android that is an exact replica of the woman he has only able to see in his dreams since the day she left this world. Her eyes remained delicately closed, body rigid and lifeless, but her hair flowed naturally down towards her shoulders, and it reminds him of the exact way it used to flutter in the ocean breeze, the exact way it used to embody the familiar scent of her. He continues to gaze at the rendering machine, eyes flickering with ambiguity and swelling with imminent tears threatening to spill over. He is unsure of himself; uncertain of what he has done, and yet he cannot stop his heart from continuing to call out for someone his mind knows is already gone.

There is a kind of stillness in the room that makes Jungkook wholly hesitate one last time. His head throbs as the tiny voice of reason makes an attempt to crawl forward and awaken him, but he squeezes his skull with his hands, shutting it away before it can convince him to stop while he still can. Part of him knows this is not the answer, but a larger portion of him doesn’t care because he’s too close to stop now. He holds his breath, thrashing in his self-created penitentiary, shaking violently and coercing the voice to go away, and when it finally does, he’s ready to proceed without any more disruptions.

An eerie silence looms as the approaching finale instigates the slow churning rise of apprehension in his chest. He inhales and exhales, gradually calming his stiffened body and proceeds to finish off what he started.

After months of burying himself in the lab--designing, experimenting, and building—driven purely by his grief stricken heart and the determination of a madman, he was finally one step away from completion.

This was it.  

He was one step away from bringing you back.

  …

 9 Months Ago

 Whoever came up with the five stage of loss was spewing bullshit.

Jungkook has been stuck in limbo, slipping between the stratums of earth and hell for weeks, and the fact that his therapist kept telling him that time will heal the deepest of wounds was infuriating and maddening because Jungkook doesn’t buy any of it, especially not when he’s fully convinced that he has the ability to bring you back.

“Jungkook, are you sure about this? You understand that it’s illegal right?”

“No one has to find out. You won’t tell the authorities, will you?” Jungkook looks at him intently, eyes burning and desperate, nonverbally begging the older male to keep this secret, to hide it between the two of them for as long as need be. Of all the people in this world, Jungkook trusted Yoongi, and he knew for a fact that Yoongi would never rat him out.

Yoongi looks at the younger male with pitiful eyes and has no choice but to let out a defeated sigh. He knows Jungkook won’t listen to him anyways because any sort of reasoning just ends up going through one ear and out the other. Jungkook is too stubborn, too hopelessly in love with his dead girlfriend to think straight, to accept any kind of consolation offered in hopes of getting him to move on with his life because he still thinks it’s his fault.

That accident was a tragedy, and no one could’ve predicted that semi-truck would collide with his SUV that day. But he still chooses to imprison himself in guilt because he insists he could’ve prevented the unavoidable. And Yoongi can’t fucking stand to see him in pain, he can’t bear to see the kid continue to live in perpetual torment brought on by something that he had no control over, but the whole idea of creating a conscious robot did not sit well with the older male.

Yoongi looks back up at Jungkook, who was still waiting for an affirmative response. At least Jungkook wasn’t crying until his tears ran dry or showing up with sunken cheeks and bloodshot eyes from not being able to eat or sleep for days. He was maybe doing a tad bit better after the tragedy that happened three months ago, and although Yoongi doesn’t know if it’s because of this crazy idea or if he’s actually just moving to the next emotional stage of loss, he figures it’s much better to be trusted by the younger male than to be seen as an enemy so that way he can at least be of aid if worse comes to worst.

“No. I won’t tell anyone.” Yoongi murmurs, sighing once more.

Jungkook’s lips curve into the faintest of smiles, something Yoongi hasn’t seen the lights of in a long time. “Thanks.”

And then he’s gone, disappearing for the next six months.

  …

  Memory download complete.

Your eyes gently flutter open, squinting as your system adjusted to the artificial lights streaming down from the ceiling. Lost in a confused daze, you take a moment to stabilize, scanning the surrounding area to gain some sort of a footing, so at least you could process how to proceed from here. You don’t really feel anything unbearable, nothing you can’t handle with a bit of buffering from your hard-wired code, that is, until you see him.

Jeon Jungkook

The flood of emotions that washes over you the moment you recognize him instantly is overwhelming, to the point where it’s almost too overpowering to fully comprehend, too much for your system to logically handle, which shouldn’t actually be possible but somehow is. He’s looking at you with anticipation, eyes glittering with the tears he’s trying so hard to hold in.

“Jungkook” You voice, stepping forward and throwing yourself into his arms.

He welcomes your embrace immediately, enveloping you in his arms as securely as he can. Caressing your head as you bury your face into the crook of his neck, like he was afraid you would vanish if he didn’t hold you tightly enough. And it feels familiar; the same way it has felt when he hugged you on multiple occasions in the past, only now, it’s even more desperate, and he’s even more unwilling to let go.

“Y/N” He breathes out in relief and rapture as his tears finally tumble over, streaming down his cheeks and onto your exposed shoulders, and you can feel their warmth, the anguish they carry with them, and you can sense his pain in the most undiluted way. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too, Jungkook.” You whisper back despite not being able to understand the precise reason for your response, but seeing him quelled a deeply rooted longing that you are just now becoming hyper aware of. You can fully grasp the cause for his unbearable yearning, the origin of why every inch of his body was conveying elation at the sight of you. However, simultaneously, you felt that there was something important missing, something you didn’t have the means to obtain the link for or find a way to trace it back to the source data. 

“You remember me, right?” He pulls away slowly, holding you by the shoulders and searching within your synthetic eyes for that indisputable glint of recognition, the confirmation that his experiment was a success, and he had indeed brought you back. His features are laced with expectancy, and you can tell he’s grappling with the fear that you don’t remember him, and he failed.  

You nod your head deliberately, flashing him an endearing smile. “Of course.”

At the sound of your words, he returns the gesture fondly and exhales deeply. “I can’t believe you’re back.” He breathes out, leading you over to the bench and sitting you down beside him. “How do you feel?”

The question catches you off guard, you don’t know why there’s such an opposing mixture of emotions playing inside of you. “Happy to see you.” You blurt out, despite knowing it was a white lie. It hurts, but for some reason you don’t want to tell him that it does.

He smiles again, and the pain within you subsides momentarily. “Me too.”

“I’m sorry I left” The words come out before you’ve made a prediction about the response they would elicit. You aren’t sure if it will work, but you wanted to get one fact straight right away.  

A shadow hovers over his irises, and the aching inside of you swells once more. “It was my fault. I should’ve reacted faster.” He lowers his gaze even more. “I wish it was me instead of you.”

You close your eyes, replaying that moment of seeing the girl drenched in blood, lying unconscious in a totaled vehicle, and you understand. You know that you are supposed to be the girl he is longing to see. “No, Jungkook. It’s not your fault. It was an accident, no one could’ve predicted those events to happen that day. And please stop wishing you could’ve taken my place.”

He takes your hand in his, rubbing the back with his thumb in the way you’ve always loved most. “You’re right.” He agrees. “But it doesn’t matter now, you’re here and that’s all that matters.” 

His words do not provide you the unadulterated comfort that he intends. They are sincere, but they’re only pieces of the whole that is still broken, and you know it’s only a band aid covering a wound that has not been disinfected. “You’ve been through too much.” You squeeze his hand firmly, leaning your head against his chest just like the way you used.

“Anything for you.” Jungkook doesn’t pay attention to the strange sensation of persuading himself he’s brought you back from the dead. He’s completely fine with allowing his brain to continue tricking himself into thinking you are no different from the girl he lost in that car accident a year ago. 

But you on the other hand, are unable to ignore what you perceive to be a miscalculation.

  …

  “Do you like it?” Jungkook says, walking you into your new bedroom connected to his lab.

You look around at the spacious replica of the old room you shared with him back before you had died, complete with cream colored walls decorated with paintings and photos of the two of you in your happiest moments, a dresser for both of your clothes, your vanity lined with cosmetics and your favorite stuffed animals, his shelf of action figures and comic books, and finally a king-sized bed with white sheets placed directly in the center. It resembled the bedroom from your memories down to the very last detail, and you can’t ignore the bittersweet taste in your heart as you stood there, staring at the visual evidence of Jungkook’s attempt to restore that which cannot be repaired.  “You have a very good memory.” You comment.

He laughs for the first time in 12 months, the sound saturating the room strangely foreign to his own ears, but nevertheless completely genuine. “I scanned it and used 3-D printing technology. Piece of cake.”

You throw him a playful grin. “Boastful now, are we?”

“It’s not bragging if it’s the truth.”

“Never heard of that one.” You cock a brow.

Jungkook scratches the back of his neck, realizing it’s been a year since he’s cracked a joke. “It’s been too long, I’ve lost my touch.”

“Well, let’s bring it back then.” You nudge him in the shoulder, and he responds by reaching over and tickling you until you are both squirming on the floor giggling like the good old days.

When the two of you calm down for your laughing fit, you continue to lie on the floor together as Jungkook takes you in his arms once more. And it’s not that you didn’t enjoy being like this with him more than anything else, but the glaring fault line is there again, and it’s cutting into you like shards of glass gripped in the palms of your hands.  

“And to think I almost listened when they told me to let you go.” He tilts his head down to look at you, expression unreadable, but you can sense his grip on that shard of glass, and you know he thinks ignoring the blood oozing out of his hand will make the stinging go away because that’s what your system wants you to think as well.

But it’s a lie because the wound is growing deeper.

“It would’ve been less painful.” You tell him, almost wanting to be more adamant about the statement.

He shakes his head. “I’ll never be able to.” He whispers.

The look in his eyes is exactly how you feel when he voices those words. A mixture of emotions that are indescribable except through the endless stories built by all the memories the two of you have shared, and the reality of having a future of infinite possibilities taken away, stolen abruptly so that you are only left with fading pages of a lost life.

You scoot in closer to him and hug him snugly. Taking in every piece of sensory information you are provided in that intimate position. You are listening to every vibration of his body, the sound of his heartbeat, and his calming whispers, and in that instant you can feel yourself inching that much closer to the missing source despite knowing you’ll never reach it.

  …

  Over the next few weeks, the error that had made itself known since the moment you opened your eyes for the first time is kept at bay through your interactions with Jungkook. From the moment you wake in the morning until the day comes to its inevitable end, he is with you. He is always with you, and the fact that you would never want to have it any other way, makes you feel selfish because you were fully aware that his love for you is more than you deserve. He’s beautiful just like this world he has gifted you the ability to experience, and everything about the days you are allowed to spend with him leaves you breathless even if those ephemeral emotions are artificial. He’s covering your shared wounds with his undying affection until the surface heals while the infection below is allowed to resume spreading beneath the scars, and even though the pain is reduced to a dull throbbing, it never vanishes completely.

But he does it because he can’t let go of you.  

And it’s not that Jungkook was very good at hiding his own pain or deceiving himself into trusting that everything was perfect. It was the fact that he had literally become immune to his actions, unable to focus on treating the problem rather than the symptoms. But you completely understand him because he made you feel like your life with him was authentic, existent, and tangible. In his embrace, you are able to set your worries aside temporarily. While listening to his voice you can’t help but believe in his words. Seeing his smile you are gifted the hope that everything can potentially work out. But it wasn’t long before the superficiality of the life you have forced yourself to consider valid is actually counterfeit, and you can never run away from such a fundamental issue.

“Y/N, I have good news!”

“What is it Jungkook?” You turn around to face him as he wraps you in his arms in excitement.

“I’ve figured out how to turn myself into a cyborg.” He announces in an utterly delighted tone that sends your system directly into panic mode.

“What?!” You pull away from him, shaking your head and trying to register his words. “No, why would you do that?”

His smile drops when he realizes your reaction was not the one he had expected to witness. “So we can be together. Isn’t that great?” He peers at you hopefully, waiting for a different response.

Together. For some reason, the word hits you suddenly like a harsh gust of wind that snaps a thick branch off of a tree because you are reminded in that instant of realization that being with him was not right. It was never right to begin with, and no matter how expertly you try to hide your mistake, it always comes back to bite. It is then that the cause of the missing source finally revealed itself, and it only took one decision from him for you to locate the reason for why all of this felt so wrong.

You were not who he assumes you to be, and you do not belong with him in such circumstances.

“Yes, it is” Your voice is detached as you force yourself to agree with him, but Jungkook is too enthusiastic to notice your change in demeanor to read in between the lines. “When will you start?” You inquire, hiding the true motive behind your words.

“Tomorrow” He grins, eyes disappearing only to be replaced by smile lines and a pair of bunny teeth that makes your metal ribcage feel warm, even though it’s not and never will be.

  …

  There’s an urgent pounding at the door of Jungkook’s lab the next day, right as he is about to render the machine to undergo the transformation.  

“Who’s that?” He says to no one in particular, thinking that it was maybe Yoongi coming to check up on him.

You stay silent, watching him closely as he walks towards the door. The trepidation sowing within you is beginning to sprout, but all you can do is wait passively.

“Who-“ Jungkook is cut off as the group of men in black suits forcefully barge in unwelcomed. “Hey!” He shouts as they head straight towards you. “What are you-”

“Grab her!” One of them orders as another man behind him walks up to you and binds both of your arms behind your back.

You scream, but Jungkook is quick to react, sprinting over to your side within a matter of seconds and ripping the suited man off of you.

“We need to get out of here!” He urges, intertwining his hand with yours and making a run for it. You follow as he tugs on your arm, running after him as he keeps your hand gipped firmly within his, and you almost wish you could stay like that forever, that nothing else mattered as long as he was with you.

The two of you run outside, and it’s the first time you feel the warm rays of the sun hit your artificial skin directly. It’s so warm and comforting, a sensation supposedly foreign but so familiar because it’s a physical reminder of all the sunlit days you’ve spent with Jungkook in the past, those from the memories he has gifted you, and it prompts you to momentarily forget that you are running from people who are going to take you away and lock you up because that lovely feeling swelling inside of you is melting everything else away. 

“Where are we going?” You shout, keeping your legs moving at the same pace as Jungkook’s.

“The mountains” He replies between raged breaths. “We can hide up there until I figure out a plan.”

You ignore the feeling of guilt that is beginning to nag at you. You hate yourself for putting him through all of this, for continuing to allow him to believe in what the two of you had even though you knew it was wrong. You had known all along. His misjudgment was understandable, but yours wasn't, because your mind was always clear and you’ve always had the power to make things right. You sensed the error in the beginning, and yet you still chose to live in the lie that continues to eat away at Jungkook.  

“Don’t worry, Y/N. Everything will be ok. I won’t let them take you away.” His reassuring words hit you like a bucket of ice water and the faint smile tugging at his lips as he turns to glance at you with glassy doe-eyes is a bloodstained dagger jabbing into your chest cavity. And that’s when you realized how much you truly loved him and how unconditionally grateful you were to receive his love despite the circumstances for why he loved you and how flawed everything was, and in that moment you make a promise to yourself that you will end everything and put him out of his misery.

The trail up the mountain is steep, but Jungkook is strong and determined to make it to the top. You watch the trees fly by as the two of you raced though the forest, the sent of musky wood and wild grasses filling your senses and throwing you back to when you and Jungkook had gone camping for the very first time, how happy he was on that day and how that memory seems to only cause him pain now. The contrast only strengthens your resolve, and it wasn’t long before the two of you reach the clearing on the edge of the cliff.

“How could they have found out?” Jungkook shakes his head, covering his face with his hands as he stops to catch his breath. It was impossible, he never let any of the information he was using leak out, and the only other person he told about you was Yoongi. It couldn’t have been him could it?

“I contacted them through my system.” You mumur softly, causing him to freeze in place and his eyes to lift up, meeting yours with growing misunderstanding.

“What?” It comes out as a muted whisper. “You did what?” He takes a step closer and you take one back. “Y/N, why? Why would you tell them?” He rushes up and grips you by the shoulders, examining your body to see if any discernible malfunctions were obvious and he had just been stupid enough to miss it.

You shake your head, fighting your internal system that was trying to convince you what you did was a mistake because it wasn’t, and you knew deep down that you had to do it. “I can’t sit back and watch you ruin yourself any longer.” There are dry tears where real ones should belong in your eyes, and although they don’t stream down your cheek the way they are supposed to, the invisible substance is still able to convey the excruciating agony that has planted itself in the core of your metallic heart. You lift an arm to caress his warm cheek, moistened by his own freshly produced human tears, and he feels so familiar and so endearing that you almost feel alive like her, the missing source that you could never be, and in that infinitesimal second you’re almost able to persuade yourself that despite not being her, you are still real and you have the power to release Jungkook from his self made prison.

So you step back. 

Further and further, and it takes all the strength you have to not stop.

“Y/N! NO!!!” He’s screaming, but the world is being drowned out by his desperation. He’s rooted in place, unable to move his numb limbs that are starting to give way. “What are you doing!?” He croaks.

You smile at him one last time before taking the last step towards the edge of the cliff.

 “I’m setting you free.”

  …

  “Listen, Jungkook, I know it’s hard.” Yoongi begins, walking over and settling down on the couch of his apartment next to Jungkook. It had been two weeks since your self-destruction, and Jungkook was finally beginning to wake up.

“I keep making errors” Jungkook shakes his head, balling his hands into fists.

“You’ve only made one error thus far.” The younger male looks up, confused. “Turning her into a robot and thinking that was the equivalent of bringing her back.”

“I thought it worked.” Jungkook’s voice is hollow and empty because he’s not even confident in his own statement.

“I know you programmed her to be identical to Y/N, but she wasn’t Y/N.” Yoongi scoots over quietly and places a tender arm around Jungkook’s shoulder, rubbing his arm calmingly. “You put your memories of her into her, but that’s a completely different standpoint of how Y/N perceived you when she was alive.”

“W-what do you mean? They were memories of us. She knew us. She recognized me.” Jungkook stares off into space, eyebrows furrowing, and head throbbing once more.

“There are two halves of a relationship, two different perspectives that make up the whole.” Yoongi explains. “Those two halves are the same story from opposite points of view. I’m sure she sensed it somewhere along the way, and that’s what made her ultimately destroy herself. She must’ve understood the immense amount of pain you were in and used her artificial intelligence to calculate how to save you.”

“So it would’ve worked if I had somehow used Y/N’s memories instead?”

Yoongi shakes his head sadly. “No matter what you could’ve done, that robot could not have been Y/N. There is only one Y/N in this universe, just like there is only one version of each of us.” Yoongi sighs, pausing to come up with an easier way of looking at the concept. “Look, I don’t want to go into all these theories of what makes us who we are, but I’d like to think there’s much more to us than just flesh, blood, atoms, particles, and even memories. Wouldn’t you also like to think that Y/N was much more than what could be described by ordinary things?”

“Yeah, she was breathtaking and unbelievable in so many ways.” 

Jungkook closes his eyes, picturing the last time you smiled at him in the passenger’s seat, how the appearance of your dimples and sparkling eyes made his heart feel so full and warm, like the rays of sunlight that cascade over flowery meadows in the summer and the diamond-like crystals of dazzling snowflakes in the winter. Then his mind drifts over to the you he created with those same memories, the way your artificial features mimicked almost the exact same gesture, making those emotions manifest into tentative form, close enough to feel under the tips of his fingers. And even though it wasn’t the you he had intended to create, he still loved you almost just as much, in almost the exact same way.

“Do you think she loved me?” He asks after a long moment of silence.

 “I’m certain they both did.” Yoongi answers.

...

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S19

Lmao @ Shikamaru flirting with Temari before greeting the Kazekage #Priorities 

Why bother giving these kids the data from those chunin exams they were there they ARE the data

“You'd know more about the reason behind the interruption of the final rounds and its chronology” Shizune fucking calling out the Sand omg ‘remember when u tried to murder us? I do’

“She hasn't changed a bit” and u love her for it Shikamaru

Why is Kakashi even here lmao he doesn't have a team of Genin this time around it's just because he's competent and adorable I guess

The Team 7 outro I weep SP is really stabbing me in the heart

Fu is a handful and I love it

“You want to find some way to bond with the rebels?” historically that's actually worked out pretty well it seems

I'M SCREAMING ARE WE GONNA SEE SAKURA'S CHUNIN EXAM

“She just might be tougher than [Shikamaru]” Ino <3 Sakura 5ever

KAKASHI COME INSPIRE YOUR BABY GENIN SHE DESERVES THIS

I feel a little ripped off that Kakashi didn't get to be the Angel of Cheering People Up but I'm proud of Sakura either way and I am i n  l o v e with the idea of watching her Chunin exams

They were so excited to see Naruto it's a shame he's not real

This timeline where everyone takes the Chunin exams a year before Naruto comes back implies that there were at minimum 9 Leaf Chunin made in a single exam

It also puts very little distance between Neji making Chunin and Jonin but I guess to be fair Kakashi was made a jonin at 9

Hjghdskhfhlvhl Team Guy Dynamics:

Tenten: We're being split up?

Lee: We'll be on our own for this?

Neji: [already walking away]

SHIKAMARU INVIGILATES LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN WHAT A DRAMA HOE

“Thanks for having my back” Literally half of Shikamaru's screen time is flirting with Temari I love it

Neji why do you have to be so dramatic do you really need to use jutsu as visual aids in your explanations

THIS BITCH FIGHT BETWEEN NEJI AND THE SAND SHINOBI IS SO GREAT

Sand Siblings @ Gaara probably: Will you stop talking about Naruto for like ten fucking seconds

Neji stepping in to save his girl Tenten my heart

Fu is so cute omg “I want to make a hundred friends”

I'm willing to believe Neji can recognize a jinchuriki's chakra right away bc of his fight with Naruto

“Dwelling on the misfortunes of birth is meaningless” same Shira same

I have a hard time believing Sakura couldn't take down that scorpion without Fu but plot I guess

I CAN'T BELIEVE FU JUST ASKED THE KAZEKAGE TO TAKE A BATH WITH HER

“Gaara!” “Sorry, just thinking” Fuck how often does Temari have to shake Gaara out of thinking about Naruto lmao

Kiba has to spread his legs as widely as possible mid-air his philosophy is truly ‘Dicks out for Shinobi’

Ninja who are about to partake in infiltration, loudly: Scatter!

I also have a hard time believing that a Byakugan user of Neji's skill would be so easily taken in by genjutsu

Honestly Team Guy is prime OT3 material their teamwork is amazing and they lift each other up constantly  

This is the second time in this set of exams that Team Guy has helped not only their competitors but also ninja from a different village the Leaf truly raises their babies right

“I wanna know which one's more valuable to the village... is it the boulder or you?” Still working on the charisma thing huh Gaara

Every mission Team Guy goes on:

Tenten/Neji: Lee how about we think about this before we start-

Lee: JUMPING INTO ACTION

“Please apologize to him!” I adore Lee

I'M SCREAMING NEJI IMPLYING THAT HE IS RIVALS WITH NARUTO INSTEAD OF LEE HE'S TRYING TO BREAK UP THE BAND

‘Hey Shira what's your technique?’ ‘Breathing really hard’

“Two Heaven scrolls. When should I break it to them?” Further proof that Dad!Neji would be ridiculous he has trouble breaking bad news to friends let alone babies

Kiba @ Hinata: Pay! Attention! To! Me!

I fucking love how Kiba has no qualms about anything gross like biting a slimy guy ‘let me at him’, breathing into my dog's nose ‘of course’, running around covered in dog urine ‘just a Tuesday’

These episodes have reawakened the inner Kiba/Hinata shipper in me

“Forget I ever mentioned Naruto okay?” omg I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Kiba blush before but the second he was called out about Naruto there it is

“Their persistence is extraordinary” this is true about the entire village tbh 

It’s not fair of you to compare your shadow clone abilities to a boy with a chakra demon inside of him Kiba 

“I can tell just how hard Naruto trained out here” so what ur saying is that u smell Naruto’s sweat

Kiba’s sure ready to brag for someone whose plan was just playing dead

“It’s the fault of the whole team” I don’t remember this guy’s name but I have a feeling that if Minato were alive he’d love him

“No you’re wrong it was me” Ggfkjghdfkghkd Kiba pls why are you like this

“Be nice and give us your scroll” tru Shinobi of the Leaf 

The Look(TM) Neji gives Lee when he gets Tenten in a bad mood

TENTEN’S HONESTLY WATCHING NEJI FROM THE BUSHES WHILE HE TRAINS LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE BYAKUGAN 

“We’re able to fight so aggressively because we know that you have our backs” Guy is such a supportive sensei 10/10 (no pun intended)

“How did they turn out anyway?” “I have my doubts about them” LEE PLS

Real talk does the Akatsuki not know that the person hosting these exams is a jinchuriki he is the Kazekage

“Hi there, are you guys cliff-climbing too? Hang in there” KAKASHI HATAKE WITH SHITTY TRAINING PUNS COMING 2 SAVE MY LIFE 

Honestly Guy is the only sensei who seems to train his own kunoichi directly because both Ino and Hinata have clan-based jutsu and all of Kakashi’s babies were taken in by the Sanin

“The great nations don’t understand pain” like half the Leaf Village is orphans what more do u want from them Ajisai

“The Hidden Rain will soon be reborn” “Does that mean you’re gonna be more friendly then?” suffice to say the answer was no

Love my Leaf boys who won’t let people from other villages be attacked in an unfair way even by their own fellow villagers

Lee realizing that trash-talking insects doesn’t really work lmao 

Props to Lee for not holding a grudge against Gaara because he was both the reason he was injured before the last invasion and also one of the invaders  

“Sensei, have I gotten stronger since the last Chunin exam?” “Well, you should have” Inspiring self-confidence with Might Guy 

What a gentle and peppy intro it’s a change of pace from the intense bops

Thank you!!!!! I still don’t understand why Sakura couldn’t take out the first insect because she’s like the strongest woman alive

Omg Ino gently taking Sakura’s hand to heal it my bisexual heart <3 

“Where’s Shikamaru?” “He’s seeing off the delegates from the Hidden Sand” HE’S FLIRTING WITH TEMARI MY BOI

I aspire 2 be as committed to avoiding talking about my feelings as Asuma Sarutobi

Tsunade just doesn’t have the energy to entertain student rivalry lol 

“You just broke my concentration since you kept peeking over at me” this entire episode is incredibly gay and I love it 

“Because of you, I’m going to the place where I belong” this is ninja code for gay marriage (see: Tenzo’s infinite Tsukuyomi scene)

I LOVE SAKURA SHE PICKED A FIGHT WITH A SCORPION TO GET DINNER FOR HER FRIENDS MY KIND OF GAL

It actually makes complete sense that Tsunade never intended for Ino to become a medical ninja because it’s not Ino’s strongest technique but it��s useful on multiple levels 

I don’t know what Ino’s future job is supposed to be but I hope it’s Head of the intelligence division bc of Inoichi’s legacy

Honestly Sakura becomes even more impressive when you consider every battle she fought up until the war she was consistently depleting her chakra it’s a disadvantage similar to Kakashi’s sharingan and yet she not only managed to keep from being hospitalized but also was able to fight the Akatsuki and perform surgery

Honestly what on earth is this Sasuke business what a non-sequitor

Take a shot every time Orochimaru kidnaps a child

The fact that Sakura braces for impact bc she won’t even consider dodging at the cost of abandoning Ino’s body nfdgbfdgjdhfb

“I don’t care about the Chunin exams, I want to have my revenge!” okay Anime Bride of Chuckie 

“He’s probably forgotten all about you and has already found a better partner” Kurama truly hitting Naruto where it hurts 

I’m so proud of Sakura she is absolutely fucking adorable 

“Gaara, let’s get dinner” I’ve never heard those words said so intensely

Why is the animation on this sand so much better than the animation on literally anything else 

“Make sure he doesn’t step foot outside” lmao @ Gaara’s siblings trying to babysit him even though he’s the leader of the village

FURTHER LAUGHTER AT GAARA SNEAKING OUT OF HIS ROOM LIKE THE TEENAGER HE IS 

“This will take a lot more than gutsiness to overcome” [Naruto in the distance: How dare u Neji]

TEAM GUY CUDDLING OUT THE SANDSTORM I LOVE THEM!!!!

“I told you I was right,” said Mikoshi, as he began to drown in a pit of sand

Oh my god Fu wants to make a hundred friends to end all wars what a gal

“He sounds exactly like the kind of guy I’d like to meet and become friends with” that’s actually sad both because she dies before she can really know Naruto but he does meet her eventually through the tailed beasts

“Well, see ya!” jbfjhdkfjhgkjh Team Jonin Sensei is truly a beautiful thing 

It takes the Akatsuki like three days to extract a tailed beast and this dude is trying to do it in 30 seconds good luck my dude

Poor Neji he can’t stand to disappoint other people 

“We can’t just ignore someone in distress” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 4 <333

Take a shot every time someone on this show fantasizes about Naruto

“Yes, but that’s only because he’s a fool” this might be the closest Gaara has come to insulting Naruto in years

I want so badly for Neji and Gaara to be friends I love lonely ninja boys

"Get ready Fu, you’re next!” “Okay!!” I’ve never seen someone look so excited to get poked in the stomach

“I thank you, Neji. Never thought you’d rescue me” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 7

Take a shot every time Gaara tells someone about his crush on Naruto

“I wanted to try to heal the hurt I’d caused everyone” Gaara <3

Why are there so many heaven scrolls that seems to be all that anyone has

Gaara @ all the exam participants: You get to be a Chunin! You get to be a Chunin! Everyone gets to be a Chunin! 

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT AJISAI IS ONE OF THE BODIES OF PAIN I DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL THE EXAM WAS OVER BUT THEY’RE ABOUT TO CONFIRM IT

Are we about to watch a montage of all the people who died since the Chunin exams 

Oh my GOD Fu trying to befriend Kakuzu RIP 

Well I guess Neji’s double promotion makes way more sense than him taking a Jonin exam like months after his Chunin exam but still what an arbitrary decision-making process