#canadian poetry contest

[fictionalcanadianshowdown]

This is it folks! The round you've all been waiting for, the time we decide who is the ULTIMATE FICTIONAL CANADIAN.

It's been a tough battle. We have had over 70 contestants, spanning every province and territory expect the Northwest Territories. They've covered a variety of different mediums, from webcomics to video games to movies to poetry and more. Our oldest came from a poem published in 1847, while we also had one from a currently updating webcomic.

Of those figures, some towering figures of Canadiana, some more unknown (that I hope this blog helped get them a tiny little smidge of much deserved limelight) only two remain. Those are:

Anne Shirley is from Anne of Green Gables, a book by Lucy Maude Montgomery that has been turned into everything from a ballet to an animated children’s tv show. Anne has multiple museums, a theme park, two stamps from Canada Post and is a cornerstone of PEI’s tourism industry.

Anne is fanciful, imaginative, eager to please, and dramatic. She is also adamant her name should always be spelt with an "e" at the end

And

Toriko Nishina (blonde) is from Otherside Picnic a novel series/anime. From submitter: Silly lesbian who explores an alternate world full of internet creepypasta with her gf. knows a lot about guns. has two moms.

Who will win? Who will take home the poorly photoshopped crown?

[neurodiversebones]

actually yeah a lot has happened in the 6 months since this blog was active so let me give some life updates

- became involved in the activism scene in my city, have organized two events this year (brianna ghey vigil + trans resilience rally) both of which went FANTASTIC .

- literally did so fucking good at cadets i got two public speaking awards, a medal of excellence from the canadian legion, became the parade commander, got the promotion i've spent SIX YEARS working toward, and way more stuff . on our annual parade (BIG thing in june) i led my unit which has been my dream since i was 12 and i joined lol <3

- i got really good at poetry actually ?? took writers craft second semester and it changed my life and i wrote some really beautiful pieces (might share on tumblr but im also looking into Big Options such as self publishing, submitting to literary mags, and entering some national contests) . wrote a poetry collection in may/june that i think is truly the best thing i've ever created (if anyone wants 2 hear me ramble abt my poetry send me an ask or dm literally wherever i love to talk abt writing)

- girl guides has become a huge thing in my life ? i've been involved for a year now but it's become SO important to me and gives me Something to care a lot about . these kids are a big part of why i stick around (and im becoming an official adult leader soon WOOHOO)

- GRADUATED HIGHSCHOOL ?? never thought i'd do that lol . i'm taking a fifth year (really common where i live) but i do officially have my hs diploma . i got two music awards at grad as well (and $250 for them) !!

- i have also just grown a LOT as a person over the last year i think i am a different human being than i was this time last year and that is a VERY good thing . no hate to 17 year old sunny bc they got me here but the growth is good . i have so so so many close friends who i genuinely love and who genuinely care about me and i have a job i love and i love my school and i mostly like who i am . life is Different

[ninja-muse]

I completely abandoned any pretense about reaching my yearly reading goal this December, but I did manage to read one TBR book per month and read 50 of the books I wanted to in 2022, so I’m counting the year as a win. And I got close to the goal, anyway, at least if you include the picture books. (I do not like to include the picture books.) This month also included surprise highlights, surprise disappointments, and not one, but two, history books, which I feel like I never do.

December also, obviously, included a book haul. I got a couple books I asked for for Christmas, a couple books that came from the “give everyone an essay about my tastes” wishlists, and The Atlas Six, which arrived at work too damaged to sell but is still perfectly readable and it had been recommended by a friend…. The highlight is Weirdos of the Universe Unite!, however. I read this at least three times as a kid, via the public library, and I’m pretty sure we can credit my love of urban fantasy to it. That one’s actually part of my birthday haul, but the postal system got in the way. Very excited to (hopefully) reread it in 2023!

The Mummy! - Jane C. Webb Louden A plan to resurrect a mummy somehow upends the monarchy and everyone’s love lives. Melodramatic satire on a grand scale. - Egyptian secondary character

Beneath Another Sky - Norman Davies A world tour of countries subsumed by the colonial West and the ways they’re rebuilding after. - diverse nations and peoples covered - warning: colonial mindsets 1491 - Charles C. Mann An examination of what is known about pre-contact life in the Americas, versus what has often been taught and believed. - Indigenous subject matter - warning: racists, genocide

The Great Believers - Rebecca Makkai Yale is trying for a bequest to his gallery while navigating a relationship and watching his friends die of AIDS. Thirty years later, Fiona is searching for her daughter and reckoning with how Yale’s friend-group has affected her life. - largely 🏳️‍🌈 cast, Jewish protagonist, Jewish secondary character, Black secondary character - warning: deaths from AIDS, period-typical homophobia, including apathy and hate crimes

Books and Libraries - Andrew Scrimgeour, ed. A collection of poetry dedicated to the love of books.

The World We Make - N.K. Jemisin The boroughs of New York thought they’d fought their biggest battle, but then a populist politician comes to town. - ensemble cast containing Black, Indigenous, Indian, Latina, and 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists, Black author, #ownvoices for Blackness

Don't Fear the Reaper - Stephen Graham Jones Jade Jennifer Daniels returns to Proofrock the week a serial killer escapes in a blizzard. Out in February. - Blackfoot protagonist, Indigenous secondary characters, Black secondary character, disabled secondary characters, Blackfoot author, #ownvoices for Blackfoot representation - warning: death, gore, animal death

Grumpy New Year - Katrina Moore with Xindi Yan (illustrator) Daisy’s going to China to visit her Yeh-Yeh for Lunar New Year! Daisy should have slept—but she didn’t. - Chinese cast

The Golden Spoon - Jessa Maxwell Six contestants, two hosts, one world-famous baking show. And a body. Out in March. - ensemble cast containing Black, Latina, neurodivergent, and 🏳️‍🌈 characters

Reread:

The Jolly Christmas Postman - Allan Ahlberg with Janet Ahlberg (illustrator) A postman delivers Christmas mail to the fairy tale and nursery rhyme residents of his village.

Currently reading:

A Killing In Costumes - Zac Bissonnette Jay and Cindy just got an offer that might save their movie memorabilia business. Unfortunately, their competitor has turned up dead and that might sink everything. - 🏳️‍🌈 protagonists

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle Victorian detective stories - major disabled character
 - warning: colonialism, racism


Stats


Monthly total: 9
 Yearly total: 145 + 2
 Queer books: 1
 Authors of colour: 2
 Books by women: 5
 Canadian authors: 0
 Off the TBR shelves: 2
 DNFs: 0

January February March April May June July August September October November

[thecrackedbead]

Bulging beads and flowers

So I've been playing around with my Toho Challenge 2023 kit as I have tentative plans to enter into the contest. I have no real expectations of winning, but why not try?

The given inspiration for the challenge is Robert Frost's poem Nothing Gold Can Stay and thus gold is a primary colour theme in the kit.

Thoughts on the poem

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf.

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day.

Nothing gold can stay

- Robert Frost, Nothing Gold Can Stay

Given that the Toho beads - not the Czech faceted or two-hole triangle beads - are supposed to be the star of the show, I am rather dubious of the bright white, pink and green beads provided. I find myself suspecting that someone behind the challenge noted that Robert Frost was a respected poet, saw the word 'gold' in the title and thought "This is how we show we are super cool, super meaningful and super incapable of reading comprehension!" The poem's themes of change and fading glory seem lacking in the colour scheme provided. True, the gold colours appropriate for its association with autumn and the death of summer but the these ones...? Shouldn't there be some orange and red? Maybe black?

That being said, I also suspect I am being pompous. Poetry is open to interpretation. White is associated with death in many eastern cultures and is the colour of winter. Also for "Eden [to sink] to grief", there needs to be something bright and joyous to sink from. There's also my design taste is likely tainting my assessment. I like contrasting dark and light colours while green and pink beads, particularly blend together.

Flowers and failure

For those who follow my blog, you may have noticed that I've played around with making leaves with the kit as falling leaves and autumn go together. As of yet, I haven't produced any that I really like. However in the past, I have made flowers and sunflowers are found in autumn - so why not? Thus like a Canadian Goose flying south for the winter, my experience with would work as a guide for current project.

---

The noble skyrat that is the Canadian Goose. Yes, it has to be a specifically Canadian Goose. As a Canadian, I am required to establish my identity every five minutes lest the the Americans annex us. (Picture by Tom Koerner/USFWS, found on Wikipedia)

---

Only problem the challenge encourages the participants to use as kit's beads as possible. This doesn't seem too bad until one takes into account, that the beads are a mix of round beads in 8/0 and 11/0, triangles and demis, I did NOT have experience mixing bead types and sizes like that and the patterns I looked to help almost never used such mixes either.

That Canadian Goose I spoke of so proudly? It would be trying to navigate when

All the landmarks had been destroyed by a combination tornado, earthquake and volcano.

Its internal compass was been damaged by a severe brain injury.

It cannot see due to an eye injuries.

Its head has been crushed (as indicated by #2 and 3).

It is forced to use a map made using the imperial system.

---

Pretty much a depiction of the just stated list. (Bloody explosion by Omarvero Imperial unit farm map from Units Index. Horrific editing done by myself. Please don't judge the sources by my work; the originals are way better.)

---

Bulging beads and sunflowers

Method-wise, I was primarily using peyote stitch in the round with bits of RAW (right angle weave) as well as square and brick stitch thrown in. I was improvising as I went as no beading program that I am aware of allows for variation in bead sizes. (Most don't even acknowledge the existence of demis.) This mean that my work was very prone for for their to be sections of bare thread when one hasn't added enough beads or beads bulging when one has added too many. I strongly recommend avoiding the former as much as possible as bare thread is very prone to catch on things, break and ruin an entire piece. As for the former, it could be a good thing as the bulging makes one's work 3D. With the flower pedals, I really liked he effect and tried to master it.

---

Here's a case of a sunflower pendant where the bulging was used to make pedals

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Unforunately there was a problem with this. While the things 3D is that, while such methods make the result more organic (like the pedals in the picture above), the result is less predictable. Things would rarely bulge in a different or a different amount than I wanted.

Solutions?

After LOTS of fiddling, I found three things that sometimes worked.

Sew it to a backing - Shown in example #1 below. Sewing the right beads at the right spots gave the piece proper structure. The circled brown beads were particularly important to sew down at the right place.

Use quadra lentil beads - As shown in example #2, I used the 4-hole quadra lentils in the challenge kit. I found that I could use them to make a flower pistil with two layers of beads, one directly under the other. This provided enough stiffness to guide the flower's shape.

Experiment...a lot - You can see a result of this in #3. I was lucky and stubborn enough to eventually stumble onto a combo that turned out right.

Example #1

Example #2 - A pendant

Example #3

---

What next?

I think leaving #1 as a pendant with a simple cord would be the best combination. I could crochet a bead rope for it instead but I think the result would be too busy. At the same time, I believe the cord wouldn't impress the judges.

#2 has potential. Maybe as part of larger piece?

Ironically of the three flowers, #3, the one that does not resemble a sunflower, is the one I'm most inclined to submit. My idea is to turn the design into a pair of earrings. Go figure. Admittedly, I'll have to make two new ones as I need a set and submitting an earrings which you bled on is a major faux pas.

[libraryben]

Literature, literacy, and citizenship took on new and contested meanings in early twentieth-century Canada, particularly in frontier work camps. In this critical history of the reading camp movement, Jody Mason undertakes the first sustained analysis of the organization that became Frontier College in 1919.

Employing an interdisciplinary approach, Home Feelings investigates how the reading camp movement used fiction, poetry, songs, newspapers, magazines, school readers, and English-as-a-second-language and citizenship manuals to encourage ideas of selfhood that were individual and intimate rather than collective. Mason shows that British-Canadian settlers' desire to define themselves in relation to an expanding non-British immigrant population, as well as a need for immigrant labour, put new pressure on the concept of citizenship in the first decades of the twentieth century. Through the Frontier College, one of the nation's earliest citizenship education programs emerged, drawing on literature's potential to nourish "home feelings" as a means of engaging socialist and communist print cultures and the non-British immigrant communities with which these were associated.

Shifting the focus away from urban centres and postwar state narratives of citizenship, Home Feelings tracks the importance of reading projects and conceptions of literacy to the emergence of liberal citizenship in Canada prior to the Second World War.

[tensai-diner]

Polar Expressions Publishing Contest

Hello, Glue here.

If there's anyone interested in getting published relatively easily, there's a summer writing contest that Polar Expressions is holding for all ages. There's also prizes and honorable mentions.

Polar Expressions is a Canadian-oriented publishing contest. It is open to Canadian citizens and residents. I don't think they accept entries from other countries as of this time (sorry, international writers).

I'll link the website down below, as well as the prizes and the rules, both taken off the website.

Deadline is July 31st, 2024.

16 & Over (poetry & short story): First prize:$500.00 Second prize:$250.00 Third prize:$100.00 And . . . ten honourable mentions for each contest! Young writers division (15 & under - poetry & short story): First prize:$200.00 Second prize:$100.00 Third prize:$50.00 And . . . ten honourable mentions for each contest!

All first-, second-, and third-prize winners will receive a free copy of the anthology featuring their entry (as well as those who receive honourable mentions).  This contest is funded solely through the sales of the books. Even though we would love to, it is NOT possible for us to provide payment or complimentary copies to all writers published in the collections.

All work must be original and will be checked for plagiarism. Please visit our PLAGIARISM and FAQs page to ensure you properly understand what plagiarism is and how to properly cite anything you have borrowed.

Entries should not have been previously published (online postings should be removed prior to submission).

Please do not submit work already sent to other contests or publications for consideration (aka no simultaneous submissions).

You may enter one poem and/or one short story only!

We prefer each entry to be typed on an 8.5" x 11" sheet of white paper using 11-pt Arial or another plain font.

Poems must be 48 lines or less.

Short stories must be 750 words or less. Fanfiction and essays are not permitted. Characters must be of your own creation. Stories should be fiction or fictionalized (change the names of real characters)!

At this time entries should be in English or accompanied by an English translation.

SUBMIT ENTRY ONLINE or mail us your entry along with a printed, completed, and scanned entry form or reasonable facsimile.

Please retain a copy of all work submitted as we are unable to return anything. Any topic or style will be considered.

[lovepoemsforpace]

Love Poems for Pace 2024

Get a custom love poem for yourself, your sweetie, a friend, or a pet!

Make a donation to PACE (minimum $15.00 CAD).

Send proof of donation and your answers to our prompts (see below) to lovepoemsforpace@gmail.com.

Receive a poem written by one of our very talented poets!

About PACE Society:

PACE operates in Vancouver’s Downtown Eastside and “seeks to reduce the harm and isolation associated with Sex Work through education, support, and advocacy.”

Prompts:

Is this poem for yourself or someone else? If it’s for someone else, what is your relationship to this person?

When thinking of the person this poem is for, what do the following words evoke for you? Please respond to at least five so our poets have enough material to work with.

A memory

An image

A sound

A smell

A texture

I am reminded of

I am thinking of

Photo by Melanie Evelyn

Adrian Matias Bell is a queer and trans writer and musician currently working on unceded Musqueam territory. Originally from California, he is now an MFA candidate in Creative Writing at the University of British Columbia, where he also edits PRISM international. His writing has appeared in Winter Tangerine, Qwerty, Qu, and Dialogist. He also makes music as Nightjars.

Dani Rodríguez Chevalier (she/ella) is passionate about analogue & lo-fi practices, poetry & hybrid forms, art making in community, and independent radio. She is a co-facilitator + co-creator of writing and experimental film programs for youth: “el mash up” and “filmfood”. Dani lives on the unceded territories of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) and səl̓ílwətaʔɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) nations with one of her four siblings and her two wiener dogs. This is her second year writing Love Poems for PACE and she is ready to be your cupid!

Clara Otto is a queer writer living on the ancestral and unceded lands of the hən̓q̓əmin̓əm̓ and Sḵwx̱wú7mesh speaking peoples. Her work has been published in CRAFT, The Ex-Puritan, just femme and dandy and elsewhere. When not writing, you can find her scouring thrift stores for pottery and drinking bubble tea.

Dora Prieto (she/ella) is an emerging poet and comics-maker, cat mami to Benito, and the poetry editor of PRISM international. Her poem “the withholding map” won the 2022 Room Magazine Poetry Contest and she was shortlisted for the 2023 RBC Bronwen Wallace Award for Emerging Writers. Dora lives on the unceded territories of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) and səl̓ílwətaʔɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) nations where’s she’s also completing her MFA in creative writing at the University of British Columbia. You can expect griefy yet desire-filled love poems from her in her third year writing for Love Poems 4 PACE!

Melanie Evelyn is an interdisciplinary artist and educator residing on the unceded territories of the Sḵwx̱wú7mesh, səl̓ílwətaʔɬ and xʷməθkʷəy̓əm people. Their educational work takes up themes of performance, identity and environmental stewardship and prioritizes collaborative and community-based projects. In their personal practice, Evelyn draws inspiration from artists such as Nan Goldin and Tracy Emin, as well as the rituals and mythologies of her own childhood. Evelyn enjoys working collaboratively, and has most recently completed a residency at VIVO Media Arts and co-created performance lead by Ghinwa Yassine at SFU's SCA and Department of Gender, Sexuality and Women's Studies.

Vivian (Xiao Wen) Li is a queer and neurodivergent Chinese-Canadian writer, musician, and interdisciplinary artist. Her creative works have been published in The Fiddlehead, QWERTY, The Massachusetts Review,Uncanny, and The New Quarterly, among others. Most recently, she was Shortlisted for the Peter Hinchcliffe Short Fiction Award, Shortlisted for the Vancouver City Poems Contest, and Shortlisted for The Kenyon Review Short Nonfiction Contest Contest. She is the author of Someday I Promise, I'll Love You (845 Press), and the writer/ director of three short films that have premiered across Canada as well as internationally in festivals such as Reel Asian Film Festival, Bali International Short Film Festival, and Whistler Film Festival. She is a 2024 ScreenCraft TV Pilot Script Competition Semifinalist. An editor for Augur, she can be reached @vivianlicreates. Her writing often engages with in-between identity, mental health, and music.

Lauren Gehlen is a writer and lifelong learner residing on the ancestral and unceded lands of the xʷməθkʷəy̓əm (Musqueam), Skwxwú7mesh (Squamish) and səl̓ílwətaʔɬ (Tsleil-Waututh) nations. A graduate of UBC’s Allard School of Law, she recently returned to study in the undergraduate Creative Writing program. In 2022, her poetry collection, “A Mother’s Secrets” was longlisted for the CBC Poetry Prize. This is her first time taking part in Love Poems for PACE – she hopes to write something beautiful for you or your beloved.  

Sam Mari (she/they) is a queer, disabled artist/creator, residing on the unceded territories of the Sḵwx̱wú7mesh, səl̓ílwətaʔɬ and xʷməθkʷəy̓əm people. They are passionate about fostering inclusive, accessible spaces for people to learn and be creative within community. Sam makes clay jewelry. Currently, she is in school learning ASL to further her work as an educator. Sam is excited to be working with the team to help fundraise for the PACE society. They have volunteered at PACE and are passionate about destigmatizing sex work.

[sfsucw]

The Lyric Magazine

COLLEGE POETRY CONTEST

The Lyric College Poetry Contest is open to undergraduates enrolled full time in an American or Canadian college or university

First Prize ~ $500 Second Prize ~ $200 Third Prize ~ $100 Honorable Mention ~ Year’s subscription and bragging rights

Poems must be original and unpublished. We look forward to receiving beautifully structured and inspiring work from America’s colleges and Universities!  Entries must be postmarked or emailed October 1st-December 31st.

For more info and guidelines: https://thelyricmagazine.com/collegepoetrycontest/

[rustyblackwood]

Welcome celebrated readers!

Hope my latest book news finds you well. The 5-star-awarded Return to Autumn Part 1, the first book in the 2-part sequel to the celebrated, 5-star -multi-award -winning, romantic fiction drama, The Perils of Autumn, finishes its first Internet Book Tour of 2023 at the regaled Awesome Book Promotions, and I wish to share the coverage with you. Please take the secure link below, and enjoy. Rusty B.

[markulyseas]

Live Encounters Poetry & Writing English-Chinese Edition January 2023

[hotchley]

🐨 Yay, I’m glad it’s going well for you! Don’t be afraid to speak up; you’re so freaking smart and everyone should hear what you have to say. I’ve been accepted to one college, applied to two more that I’ll hear back from in December, and then I’m waiting on one more letter of recommendation before I can submit the last few.

The college I got accepted to is an all-girls school that’s right by where my brother goes to college. It’s where his girlfriend goes. She works for the admissions office, too, so that’s kind of funny. There’s an event for accepted seniors in high school where we get to tour some of the dorms and go to an activities fair and stuff, so she and her roommate invited me to stay the night at their apartment that day too, which will be super fun!

The poetry contest I’m in the finals for is called The Who Freaking Care Writing Contest For Poetic Rejects, which is the best name ever. It cracks me up. I submitted my poem solely because the idea of an ostrich picture as a rejection letter was amazing to me. I didn’t get an ostrich but that’s okay! If you want to look it up, my poem is called Black Holes :)

I have a good deal of school work to do today but I may end up pushing it off to tomorrow. I work best right at the deadline. My mom and I got coffee this morning though so I might just try to power through a bunch of it while Im caffeinated.

I have a few songs I want to work on with my guitar, and then some stuff I have to learn for church. I’m on the worship team for our Thanksgiving service, which should be fun! There’s a pie potluck for the worship team. I sang at the Christmas service last year and it was a great time.

Oh, and have you listened to Midnights?? I listened right at midnight when they came out and it was great. I really like Anti-Hero right now, but my favorites switch around every time I listen. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

I was absolutely convinced I had answered this. Clearly I had not but anyways I'm answering it now, hi.

That's very kind of you.

Also super cool! You absolutely deserve to get in. And can I just say, I went to an all girls school for seven years. Whilst it has absolutely destroyed any ability to interact with people normally (see: the Canadian guy who potentially despises me but was also a walking red flag that I ignored for reasons I will not disclose) it is also one of the most unifying things ever.

Ahhh that sounds like so much fun!!

I did in fact read your poem. Several times. And I voted for it because it was my favourite and I was obsessed with it. I love the ostrich picture, my rejection messages have just been: unfortunately your application was unsuccessful and we cannot provide feedback </3

Whatever works for you! I absolutely cannot work close to the deadline, I'm awful and I shut down completely and I cannot read anything properly. My essays are due on the 11th and 13th and they're done. Everything else is not but it's absolutely fine. Coffee sounds great though. I should make some...

Ooooh that does sound like a lot of fun! Do potlucks really work? We sometimes get told by an aunt that she's bringing things for us, but I wouldn't trust some of the people in my family to do their part haha.

I have in fact listened to Midnights. Several times now. It came out at 5am in the UK, but I had to walk to the coach station to get home and it takes 40 minutes so I listened at like 3pm and then on the journey home. I think, after several months, my favourites cannot be narrowed down apart from them not being Lavender Haze or Snow on the Beach. I do however think Anti Hero, Would've, Could've, Should've and You're On Your Own, Kid are very much Tristan songs so I have a soft spot for them :)

[lizywhothefunk]

New authors new books

New authors new books

I am so so tickled pink I have given more contracts out for writers to become authors. I really want young authors too so this contest I’m running for writers is for everyone so I really want to emphasize this point. Parents if you have young budding writers and they wrote a fantastic story please help them to submit. Can you imagine the possibilities of young Writers getting the opportunity…

[thenameigavemyself]

Want a sneak peak at my new book? Purchase my first book, Seven Percent Stardust (on Amazon), from now to April 30th for a chance to win one!! Message me a pic of your proof of purchase to enter!

[symphonic-scream]

Jocks as Things I've Witnessed Dumb Teens Doing

Kim - applied for a job he wasn't experienced enough for and put down a friend as a reference. Said friend was called to discuss his work ethic, and had to make shit up on the spot. He got the job in the end but quit two days later cause he didn't actually like it

Alix - accidentally packed rollerblades instead of skates for the skating unit but decided to go Full Send and went on the ice in rollerblades. Broke two ribs and dislocated a shoulder trying to outskate a very angry PE teacher

Kagami - volunteered to help demonstrate a move during the gym kickboxing unit with the instructor. He mimed a swing at her head and in what seemed like a second she had him in a headlock on the ground. She broke his arm

Max - participated in the cardboard boat competition but neglected to mention he had a fear of water and screamed so loud when his boat started to sink that he blew one of the competitor's eardrums

Chloe - tried to prove she was "chill" and over her mean girl phase by licking one of the airplanes on exhibit at the museum we visited. Got so sick she had to be taken to the hospital and rumours went around that she got something like polio. Her appendix had burst and that was it

Marinette - baked a cake for the school fundraiser but when it was being brought it, discovered that she had not made an Irish themed cake, as instead of the isle of Ireland she had iced on the Fortnite map, and the flag she had made was for India. When asked about it she groaned and said something like "I stayed up for three days studying for exams. Never again."

Nathaniel - loved the cafeteria chicken tenders so much that he started a cult around them where him and his bunk mates would sneak out silverware to build a shrine behind their cabin, with a drawing of the Wendy's mascot, creating a whole chant around the tenders that the whole group learned and loudly chanted each time they were served tendies

Juleka - wrote lesbian porn and switched all the words for euphanisms until it was barely recognizable, submitted it to a poetry contest within the school, and won

Luka - put his head inside a tuba and told the tuba player to blast. He got a concussion. The medic accidentally gave him Tylenol 4s instead of the prescribed Tylenol 2s and he was so high he had to be carried around cause he couldn't walk

Adrien - asked the school cop to see his gun during a class demonstration and nearly accidentally shot our teacher, who was later revealed to be a child groomer and pedophile. He still cried when he nearly shot him though and covers his eyes when guns are shown in movies or tv

Sabrina - lit a fire in the parking lot of the school and used said fire to burn the hentai she stole from the school library. Reported the books stolen to her counselor the next day and got no fees

Lila - convinced someone that they had died when they were a kid and met god before being revived by a lifeguard, thinking the other kid wouldn't believe them. When asked what god was like they described iDubbz and got punched by an Orthodox Christian girl

Nino - snorted an entire tube of sugar from a theme park. One of the jumbo ones. To this day he cannot smell correctly, but it won him a bet and $40 Canadian, which he spent on a fake tattoo of Enrique Iglesias

Alya - got a chance to ask astronaut Chris Hadfield a question and received a Challenge Coin for doing so. The question asked? "Do you believe the SR-71 Blackbird was built using UFO parts retrieved in a crash in New Mexico?" The coin was used as a shield for a transformer

[virtualrenfaire2020]

Virtual Ren Faire 2020 Calendar

We have activities and themed days, plus we’ve compiled a bunch of livestreams from some fantastic performers to enjoy during our Faire. The calendar is updated daily, so stay tuned for more events!

Saturday, March 28

Opening day!

Join us on Opening Day for a day of faire activities. Share photos, videos, and stories relating to your ren faire experience! 

Submissions will be open starting today for the Costume Contest!

O.W.L. Fest - 7:30 AM PDT

An all-day series of concerts with a wizardly theme. A new artist is live every half hour until 7:00 PM, so tune in anytime! Don’t forget to refresh the page between concerts to listen to the latest stream. The current lineup is: Tonks and the Aurors, Lauren Fairweather, Ashley Hamel, Hawthorn & Holly, Grace Kendall, Kalysta Flame, Pussycat Dolores, The Purebloods, Flitwick and the Charmers, Losing Lara, Muggle Snuggle, Percy and the Prefects, Ludo Bagman and the Trash, Draco and the Malfoys, The Mudbloods, The Lovegoods, Alas Earwax!, The Blibbering Humdingers, Abby Ritter, The Swedish Shortsnouts, Kirstyn Hippe, POTTÖRHEAD, The Arkadian, Karl-Johan, and Toucan Dubh.

Check out the Facebook livestream concerts here.

Ye Banished Privateers Virtual Release Party - 11:00 AM PDT.

“Let’s party like it’s 1720! Borders are closing, people are being forced to shut their doors. Our global world is growing smaller, but Ye Banished Privateers believes in staying connected through the crisis. On march 28th we were planning to throw a big release party for our new album Hostis Humani Generis in our home town Umeå, Sweden, which naturally had to be cancelled due to the corona pandemic. Instead we’ll be hosting a live streamed event, at 19.00 cet 28/3 that will be worthy of an official release concert. We want to try and make this something special and grand . . . let’s stand together in all safe ways possible.”

Check out the Youtube livestream concert here.

Pub Crawl - 1:30 PM PDT. 

We’ll be hosting a BYOB pub crawl. Keep an eye out for the tag vrf2020 pub crawl for more info. Please follow local drinking laws and drink responsibly!

Cyrus Pynn (The Swordsman) - 2:00 PM PDT.

“I am a self taught professional sword swallower who perfected the art at the Coney Island Sideshow School, where I learned to present it in an entertaining and classy manner. Since then I have pushed the limit with this dangerous feat as I have traveled across the United States performing with Carnivals, Festivals and Variety Shows . . . Demonstrating the world's most dangerous stunt in an entertaining, classy manner featuring comedy, audience interaction and, of course, death defiance! ‘Down the Hatch without a Scratch!’“

Check out the Facebook livestream show here.

Andrea Beaton - 4:30 PM PDT.

“Andrea grew up in a musical family in Cape Breton, Nova Scotia.  Both the Beaton and MacMaster sides of her family are well known and respected as some of Cape Breton's finest musicians, dancers and composers. She has made 6 solo CDs, a duo album with her father Kinnon, and published 3 books of tunes.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

The CRAIC Show - 5:00 PM PDT.

“The CRAIC Show is an intense & wildly entertaining act, made up of five international travelers who, in 1541AD, were banded together on an ancient battlefield. This unique merging of music from far away lands brings a sound that is unlike any other . . .  Ever-changing and constantly blending styles, The CRAIC Show is always bringing a fresh, high energy blend of World Medieval Music to a modern audience.” 

Check out the Facebook livestream concert here.

Erin Rae - 7:00 PM PDT.

“Gifted with a unique ability to fuse musical genres and influences to craft songs that feel fresh and wholly her own, with her new album Putting On Airs, Erin Rae has thrown down a direct challenge to the stereotype of what a Southern singer should be. Both lyrically and sonically, she strikes a fiercely independent chord, proudly releasing a deeply personal record that reflects her own upbringing in Tennessee, including the prejudices and injustices that she witnessed as a child that continue to impact her life to this day. According to Rae, ‘this album was born out of a need to do some healing work in my personal life, in order to address some fears and patterns of mine to allow my true feelings to come to the surface.’”

Check out the Instagram livestream concert here.

Sunday, March 29

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest!

Alistair McCulloch - 11:30 AM PDT.

“Alistair is one of Scotland's best known fiddle performers and teachers.  His trio features Aaron Jones of Old Blind Dogs, and former Capercaillie whistle wizard Marc Duff. Alistair has taught a generation of rising stars at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Linda McRae - 1:00 PM PDT.

“Linda’s love of Canadian, American and British music early on in her career resulted in multiple band configurations from roots-rock to punk to folk . . . When Linda steps onto a concert stage, into a recording studio, workshop or mentoring session, there is an effortless passion, a love of what she does and a connection with fans and friendships built and treasured. A multi-instrumentalist Linda works tirelessly as a touring singing songwriter, performing at premiere venues across Canada, the US and Europe while turning out new works.”

Check out the Facebook livestream concert here.

The Glow Bubble Show (Meadow Perry) - 4:00 PM PDT.

“Meadow Perry is a Philadelphia based Magician, Bubble Artist and Actress. Known for her beloved children's character, Meadowlark the Faerie, Meadow has been performing in various genres from the stage to private events for over 15 years. The Bubble Magic of Meadow Perry is a show that takes the visual art of bubbles, theatrical storytelling, enchanting magic, thrilling music, & a touch of sophistication to create a unique and entertaining show that has been described as ‘A mesmerizing, spellbounding experience! Charming and interesting, Meadow takes the rules of bubbles outside the box!’”

Check out the Instagram livestream show here.

Monday, March 30

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest!

Merchants’ Monday

Show our wonderful shops some extra love today!

Shannon Lay - 12:00 PM PDT.

“There is an entire sub-genre of poetry devoted to rivers and their persistent, meditative flow . . . For transcendent folk-pop artist Shannon Lay, the river is all of the above: It’s the metaphor driving her latest album, the exquisitely uplifting August (Sub Pop Records, out August, 23rd)—which doubles as an aural baptism renewing her purpose for making music. ‘I always picture music as this river. Everyone’s throwing things into this river, it’s a place you can go to and feed off of that energy,’ she says, ‘and feel nourished by the fact that so many people are feeling what you’re feeling. It’s this beautiful exchange.’”

Check out the Instagram livestream concert here.

Jesse Linder, Bard - 5:00 PM PDT.

“. . .'Singer of Songs, Teller of Tales.’ Jesse performs as a solo artist and as a member of 3 Pints Gone, and has been a member of Separated at Birth, CrossRogues, and Tippler's Way. Jesse sings at Renaisance faires, American reenactments, Irish pubs, and coffeehouses throughout the Midwest. He currently has three solo CDs and five group CDs in print.”

Check out the Facebook livestream concert here.

Steven Greenman - 6:00 PM PDT.

“Steven has worked with some of the world’s leading klezmer ensembles, is a founding member of Cleveland’s East European ensemble Harmonia, and has been a guest soloist with the Cleveland Pops Orchestra, performing his own arrangements of gypsy and klezmer music.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Tuesday, March 31

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest!

Time Travel Tuesday

Share your favorite photos and costumes from any time period, from Ancient Greece to 2265. After all, in quarantine, time all feels a little wibbly wobbly!

Jonathan Cannon - 5:30 PM PDT.

“Jonathan has studied klezmer, Romanian, Celtic, and American fiddling, performs regularly, with award-winning Boston klezmer band Ezekiel’s Wheels, and for contra dances.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Wednesday, April 1

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest!

Anne-Mari Kivimäki & Palomylly - 10:00 AM PDT.

“Anne-Mari Kivimäki & Palomylly is an impressive sound mix with stories, archive recordings, jouhikko, double bass, vocals and accordion. Kivimäki’s music has a hypnotic pulse and it’s made for the love of old stories. Kivimäki has gathered her Palomylly band from the musicians on her successful Lakkautettu Kylä (A Closed-Down Village) album.”

Check out the Facebook livestream concert here.

Troy MacGillivray with Sabra MacGillivray - 4:30 PM PDT.

“Troy is a brilliant fiddler, pianist and stepdancer from Nova Scotia.  He’s been featured at many festivals including Celtic Connections in Scotland, East Coast Music Awards, Celtic Colours Festival in Cape Breton, the Barbados Celtic Festival and the Edinburgh Fiddle Festival.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Thursday, April 2

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest!

Cookie Segelstein with Josh Horowitz - 10:00 AM PDT.

“Founder of Veretski Pass, and fiddler with many other top klezmer bands, Cookie has taught workshops round the world, and has been featured in an ABC documentary and a film starring Robert DeNiro.  Josh founded the band Budowitz and has played with Vienna Chamber Orchestra, Theodore Bikel, and accompanied Itzhak Perlman on PBS.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Oshima Brothers - 3:00 PM PDT.

“Raised in a musical family in rural Maine, the brothers have honed a harmony-rich blend of contemporary folk and acoustic pop. On stage, Sean and Jamie create a surprisingly full sound with dynamic vocals, electric and acoustic guitars, octave bass, loops, and percussion. The brothers live in Maine but are often on the road performing, producing music videos, and dancing.”

Check out the Facebook livestream concert here.

Friday, April 3

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest!

Furry Friends Friday

Ever dressed your pet up for the faire? Show us your photos and costume ideas! Or show us your faire-themed fursuit. You do you.

Let’s Get Traditional (The Minstrel Rav’n) - 4:00 PM PDT.

“The Minstrel Rav'n travels the lands Telling Songs and Singing Stories about Taverns, Pirates and Elven Lasses. Songs of Adventure, Drinking... and things a bit on the Naughty Side!”

Check out the Facebook livestream here.

HST (Ed, Lilly & Neil Pearlman) - 4:30 PM PDT.

“HST (Highland Soles Trio) is 3/5 of a family band, with dancer Laura Scott and Jesse on whistle. HST has toured the US and Scotland with new and old tunes in the Scottish tradition.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Saturday, April 4

Gráinne Brady - 12:30 PM PDT.

“Gráinne is an Irish fiddle player from County Cavan in Ireland and currently based in Glasgow where she leads sessions and plays with Top Floor Taivers, string group The Routes Quartet, and Gaeilge/Gàidhlig supergroup LAS.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Pub Crawl - 1:30 PM PDT.

We’ll be hosting a BYOB pub crawl. Keep an eye out for the tag vrf2020 pub crawl for more info. Please follow local drinking laws and drink responsibly!

Costume Contest Judging - 6:00 PM PDT.

Submissions remain open for the Costume Contest until 6:00. Winners will be chosen between 6:00 and 7:00 PDT.

Sunday, April 5

Jenna Reid - 11:30 AM PDT.

“Jenna is a member of the great fiddle bands Blazin' Fiddles, and RANT.  Born & bred in Shetland, she learned fiddle from the late Willie Hunter. Following her music degree, Jenna performed with Dóchas and Deaf Shepherd before joining her current bands.”

Check out the Zoom livestream concert here.

Closing Day

We’re sad to see you go, but we hope to catch you at an IRL faire next season!

[pinehutch]

Niche Interests

A little while ago, @mia-ugly tagged me to talk about 10 niche interests of mine. I don’t really know what counts as a niche so I’ve been making occasional notes about this over the last week. 

The hardest part of this for me is either that I’m not very interesting or more likely, that I’m a generalist. Like, I would give myself a solid B in many, many areas that could be considered “niche” - I love learning. 

But here are some things that I can and will reliably nerd out over if someone else brings them up!

1. Curly hair care. I’ve got naturally curly hair and didn’t really know how to look after it until my early twenties. Now I know many things about it, including where to get good curly hair products in Canada. Genuinely, if you have curly hair and want to chat about it you can always message me or send me an ask and I’m happy to try to help. (These days I am really loving Inahsi Naturals and Ecoslay;  yes I have drugstore and grocery store recs as well.) 

Also, more seriously: I would also encourage any white or other non-Black person who is frustrated with their own curly hair to also spend some time reading on natural hair movement to try to learn about the history and politics of Black hair in particular. If it’s within your means and you’re already buying specialised products for textured hair, I encourage you to to look into Black-owned businesses. 

2. Canadian Poetry in English, especially 1960-present. I could narrow this down further but c’mon, how many people genuinely want to hear me go on about those slim volumes that I accumulate? But like, I grew up on my mom’s hand-me-down volumes of Canadian poetry from Confederation to the 1980′s; at age 16 I was co-oping for a prof at the local university as part of building a collected works on a Canadian poet and painter, and clamouring to go to lit conferences; in university I showed up with a good chunk of the curriculum already read; etc. Total nerd. 

3.  Edible plants of Ontario. I don’t actually forage because I don’t have access to land where I think it’s appropriate for me to, but I grew up on ~80 acres of mixed forest in central Ontario, and my grandfather liked to show us what was safe to eat. I will never turn my nose up at ramps, and I think I may have remembered my dad’s secret morel spot he took us to as kids, to check out next spring. The list of what else is out there is long and still lodged in my brain. 

4. Fat acceptance, fat positivity, and a bit about plus-size fashion: in the early-to-mid 2000′s I discovered the fatshionista community on livejournal and it changed my life, which I say without hyperbole. I was looking for tips on finding “cute clothes,” and what I found was a pathway into learning about intersectionality. The people who ran and were highly vocal in that community did a lot of hard work in those years trying to dismantle not only internalized and external fatphobia, but also ableism, racism, and queerphobia. I’ve spent over fifteen years now consciously trying to dismantle fatphobia in myself and in the people around me, as a part of the work. (I’m not as well-grounded in the fashion side of things anymore, but I try sometimes.) 

5. History and development of the English language. I’m definitely just an armchair expert, but holy shit do I love this awful language, and how it came to be and continues to become. I minored in linguistics in university, and I used to be able construe Old English on the fly. I believe wholeheartedly in linguistic parity and I don’t mean that English is better than other languages; this is just the one I understand best. 

6. (This one is really boring I’m not even going to bold it)  public sector procurement law and practice in Canada. It’s not a field I’m in anymore, but I was for a while. How (literally, how, not just on what) do your governments spend your money? 

7. Ghost stories, yours and mine. Tell me your spookiest stories, please please please. My favourite thing to do in October is cram my eyeballs full of the entries in the Jezebel scary stories contest, in part because of the conceit that the stories are ‘true.’ I’ve always been interested in the unseen or barely-seen in general, including 20 years with an active interest in modern witchcraft (and a trailing one, still). 

Actually, that’s a good segue to

8. Divination, kind of. I’m not an expert or even any kind of practitioner, anymore, but I know a little bit about a lot of different methods and their histories and application. Enough that I could quickly find my way to good research if I wanted to incorporate some of these things in a work of fiction, and I am always keen to listen to other people talk about their experiences and practices. 

9. Okay, I didn’t want to admit it but: Dragon Age (all media types). I definitely did not intend to become someone with a high degree of fluency in a fantasy video game world but here’s how it happened: about seven years ago I started experiencing chronic fatigue, joint pain, and stiffness. By February 2014 there were days when I couldn’t walk. I was diagnosed (quite quickly) with rheumatoid arthritis and my immune system and I are still in a bit of a fight about it. On one of those days when I couldn’t leave home, I picked up Dragon Age: Origins and started a playthrough, and it turned out that gaming was exactly the right amount of distracting but not intensive that worked for me when I was in pain, most of the time. But I’ve played the games, read the books, own the encyclopedias and the TTRPG books, have read codices and wikis and reams of meta. My DA fervour is pretty low these days (it’s been six years since a new game came out, after all), but it may yet come back. (What I love about it is mostly to do with characters and setting: it rewards close reading and a historiographical lens.) 

The best part about all of this is that I’ve never really been arsed about dragons, as such. 

10. (This feels like cheating but) vegetarian food, and the role of meat and animal products in food cultures. (Also, like, the politics and culture of food in general.) First-off, I should say that I’m not a vegan or vegetarian unless you want me to select my entree for your wedding. I don’t eat meat most of the time, but I do eat dairy most days, eggs a few times each week, and eat fish or seafood semi-regularly. I’ve been meat-averse for most of my life, though there are times when I’ve craved it and continue to. As a result, I tend to plan and cook mostly veg meals; it’s just second nature now. I tend to keep a general awareness of how to Make Things From Plants because it’s also just useful knowledge to have - blender ice cream with coconut milk and peanut butter and cocoa powder is just more convenient when it’s 35C outside than cooking custard, you know? 

I do think that the plant-based eating movement has a huge, huge problem with classism, ableism, fatphobia, and racism, and so I try to keep my own interest in eating in veg-adjacent ways as an interest for me, not as a cause or goal. 

Tagging: @mareebrittenford @taksez @glowcrizzle @thisnewdevilry @19thcenturyfox @kungfulola @horse-badorties @fullcuntact and anyone else that is keen to talk about their niche interests.