#cant believe they’ve been dating for a year

[camscendants]

[cl6teen]

affection, ln4 ❀ chapter i. clueless

masterlist || chapter ii

in which everyone can’t believe that a certain mclaren driver and f1’s resident rich girl aren’t dating already

contains: smau, oblivious lando & oblivious reader

liked by landonorris, carlossainz55, danielricciardo, and 223,211 others

yourinstagram a much needed vacay

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landonorris im still offended by the lack of an invite

yourinstagram thailand is for the girls, not sorry!

bsfsinstagram there was a strict no lando norris rule for yn

user i have gyat to go to thailand

liked by yourinstagram

carlossainz55 the book is upside down dummy

yourinstagram i’ll turn you upside down

oscarpiastri what an informative post yn

yourinstagram hehe, can’t wait to see you

user omg yn at the next race???

user literally what are all these f1 boys doing in her comments

user shes a nepo baby i think

user her dad is mclaren’s biggest sponsor so she’s able to attend a lot of f1 events

user my fav honorary f1 wag

yourinstagram wag?? i’m very much single thank you

daniel ricciardo 🌚

yourinstagram don’t give them things to read into daniel.

lanny

i miss you

hey yn

miss youuu

when are you coming back

thailand can’t be that fun

y/n/n

thailand is totally that fun

in fact we’re about to go on a boat

lanny

you can go on a boat over here

y/n/n

it’s not the same 🙄

i don’t know why you’re so hung up about me taking a vacation

monaco gets boring sometimes

lanny

yeah but the second i get back from racing around the world you’re already gone

y/n/n

well i’ll be in the uk just in time for silverstone

lanny

you’re going back home?

y/n/n

my father said it’d be good to be around for a home race

so i’ll be in the uk for some time probably, it’s been a while since i’ve been back

lanny

okay good

i better see you cheering for me

it’d be embarrassing if my best friend was rooting for someone else

y/n/n

i’ve got my mclaren 4 cap ready to go

cant wait to see you ❤️

liked by yourinstagram, oscarpiastri, maxfewtrell and 533,444 others

lando.jpg home dump

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yourinstagram and it’s all just a bit too much…for littol lando norris

lando.jpg im hiding in your walls

yourinstagram creep

maxfewtrell stream time? 🤔

lando.jpg let me race first bro

user not lando feeding yn pasta and lobsterrrr

carlossainz55 aye, was this a date??

yourinstagram he wishes, he got me from the airport & we went straight to eat

danielricciardo who’s that cutie?

yourinstagram i’m right here!

danielricciardo oh..i meant lando

oscarpiastri 😬

user im so confused, are they dating??

user no, but they’ve been like best friends since lando’s rookie year in mclaren

user shes better than me, i would have fallen in love…

liked by mclaren, landonorris, oscarpiastri, and 745,234 others

yourinstagram couldn’t be prouder of my boys!!

tagged landonorris and oscarpiastri

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mclaren loving the love from our papaya girl 🧡

yourinstagram mwah

user yn ate today on the paddock

user she’s wearing lando’s hat im gonna cry

bsfsinstagram ugh get these men off my feed and show me ur pretty face

yourinstagram i was held at gunpoint and told to post this :/

landonorris the 6th photo…

yourinstagram ikr can you believe that loser got p2?

landonorris not too much now

oscarpiastri i look crazy

yourinstagram you look so cute??

oscarpiastri you shoved a camera in my face while i was eating

yourinstagram i did nothing wrong 🥰

user who was the man you were with on the paddock though?

yourinstagram my father!

user girl your daddy fine

liked by bsfsinstagram

bsfsinstagram user you have great taste

maxfewtrell send me that lando photo please

yourinstagram will do 🫡

45 likes

onlyyn i luv a good arfter prty

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danielricciardo me when i’m on the hennessy

onlyyn hehe

landonorris im looking for you

bsfsinstagram please don’t do anything crazy babe 😭

onlyyn i’ll try

lanny

y/n

where are you?

i thought you were with oscar

y/n/n

i let oscar leave! he looked tired

lanny

you should’ve told me that then

i would’ve kept an eye on you

are you drunk

y/n/n

i’m not a child oscar

lanny

*lando, but i’ll ignore that

and i’m not saying you are yn

there’s just people here that can be like

weird is all, who knows

are you drunk??

y/n/n

i don’t know, i’m not sober

are you drunk

lanny

i’m not sober

y/n/n

i thought you hated alcohol?

lanny

carlos convinced me to do some shots with him and max…

i regret it a little

do you wanna go home

y/n/n

yea

my feet hurt

lanny

i’ll carry you until we get to an uber

so can you tell me where you are now??

y/n/n

i’m in the bathroom

lanny

don’t move, i’ll come get you

y/n/n

god you’re the best ever lando

lanny

yeah i know 😁

[oh-austin]

photographer!yn

for all my wives because we can’t stop thirsting over these bts pics

liked by bazlurhman, oliviadejonge and 8,689 others

yourinstagram early hair and makeup test #elvisfilm

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user3 how did you get these pics?

↳ user5 she’s the film’s photographer, baz hired her

↳ yourinstagram that he did!! I have a very cool job

oliviadejonge making austin look 10x better

↳ yourinstagram it’s hard work 🥱

austinfan6 austin in these pics hnggggg 🥴🥴🥴

↳ austinfan8 makes me feel some sorta way

user11 are you going to post more Elvis bts

↳ yourinstagram my entire feed is now dedicated to pictures of my time in Australia and Elvis 🫶🏼

liked by user13, yourinstagram and 67,209 others

oliviadejonge yourinstagram and i take on australia

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yourinstagram miss dejonge arent you supposed to be on set right now?

↳ oliviadejonge miss l/n I didn’t think that canoodling with the talent was in your job description 🧐

↳ austinfan16 sorry what?

austinfan18 as if olivia just outed y/n like that

austinfan19 now olivia tell us which cast member y/n was kissing 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼

↳ austinfan22 has to be austin

↳ user24 idk dacre was seen in queensland a few days ago…

liked by user19, austinbutler and 8,992 others

yourinstagram baz and austin in early hair and makeup tests for #elvisfilm

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austinfan22 just admit you’re dating austin

austinfan25 you’re not fooling anyone xo

austinbutler your eye for art never ceases to amaze me

↳ yourinstagram 🖤

↳ user26 what’re y’all doing? .. screwin?

↳ austinfan28 definitely

dacremontgomery you’re an amazing photographer y/n

↳ yourinstagram ❤️❤️

↳ austinfan30 me trying to decode what the different coloured hearts mean 😤😤😤

liked by austinbutler, bazlurhman and 11,315 others

yourinstagram six months in australia now, so grateful for my job and everything that’s come with it 🖤

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austinfan32 UHHHHH Y/N WHATS THAT NECKLACE YOURE WEARING

austinfan35 UMMMMM LIKE AN INTITAL NOT BECAUSE HE OWNS YOU.. BUT BECAUSE HE REALLY KNOWS YOU???

↳ austinfan36 I knew she was a swiftie 😭😭

user37 y/n exposed her and austin I can’t believe this 🫢

austinfan38 ‘A’ AS IN AUSTIN

yourinstagram has deleted this post !

liked by user41, austinfan43 and 3,766 others

austinupdates OKAY!!! So Y/N L/N, the Elvis film photographer, had the second post up yesterday and then deleted it because she was wearing a necklace with an ‘A’ on it (1st slide) Many people believe that they’ve been together for the last six months or so. Now Y/N has reuploaded the picture with the necklace CROPPED OUT (2nd slide)!!!

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austinfan44 Y/N YOURE NOT SLICK

user47 I understand wanting to keep our relationship private, but now everyone knows they should just tell us

austinfan49 I want y/n and austin content

user53 confused, wasn’t she sending hearts to dacre???

↳ austinfan55 she just replied to his comment with some

liked by yourinstagram, bazlurhman and 1,199,274 others

austinbutler grateful for this opportunity to fill such big shoes. thank you to my lady for capturing my first time all done up as the king #elvisfilm

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austinfan58 austin being the one to confirm their relationship was not on my bingo card for this year

austinfan61 MY LADY? Someone catch me im swooning

austinfan64 y/n these elvis pics are making me h-word…

↳ yourinstagram me too, it’s okay

user66 I cant wait for this movie

bazlurhman you’re such a talent 🌟

austinbutler 🖤🖤🖤

↳ yourinstagram 🖤

↳ austinfan68 guys i think black hearts are their thing, we might just be dumb 😭😭

oliviadejonge wait.. you’re dating y/n… I’m also dating y/n

↳ austinbutler yourinstagram care to explain?

↳ yourinstagram there’s enough of me to go around, go back to doing your jobs

[harrysfolklore]

hellooo! i love ur ig povs

i was wondering if u could do one with matilda djerf

HARRYS HOUSE IS OUT NOOOWWWW, and of course i did a blurb about it, enjoy! of course i picked her bc theres a song on the album called matilda

IF YOU LIKE WHAT I POST, CONSIDER SUPPORTING ME <3

ask me anything | masterlist | likes and reblogs are appreciated !

liked by harrystyles, annetwist and 298,637 others

yourinstagram good morning new york city, harry’s house is dropping tonight and i’m trying to look collected but i’m not

view all 26,536 comments

harryfan1 SAMEEE

gemmastyles I’m dying over here

↳ yourinstagram like that’s our baby

annetwist ❤️❤️

harryfan2 you’re listening to it on that picture aren’t you

↳ yourinstagram i’m following my tradition of listening to harry’s albums when they’re released 🥰

↳ harryfan3 SHES SO REAL

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 1,986 others

harryupdates Harry via YN instagram stories ! And also a sneak peek of the pop up shop

view all 765 comments

harryfan1 she’s the luckiest person alive

harryfan2 i love that they’ve been dating for 12 years now but she still gets excited like any other fan

↳ harryfan3 she’s just like us but she actually gets to date him

harryfan4 i can’t wait for the pop up

liked by yourinstagram, lizzobeeating and 6,783,975 others

harrystyles See you everywhere at midnight.

view all 106,739 comments

harryfan1 IM GOING TO CRY

jefezoff 🥺🥺

harryfan2 I CANT BELIEVE ITS COMING

yourinstagram I LOVE YOU

yourinstagram so proud of you in every single way, bubs. HARRY’S HOUSE TONIGHTTTT LETS GO

↳ harryfan3 i’m crying she’s the best

annetwist So excited ❤️

liked by harryfan1, harryfan2 and 2,096 others

harryupdates Harry via instagram stories !

view all 987 comments

harryfan1 OMGGG

harryfan2 he’s so cuuuuuute

harryfan3 i’m so happy he’s posting stories regularly 😢

harryfan4 THE HOUSE STICKER IM GOING TO CRY

liked by harrystyles, annetwist and 301,789 others

yourinstagram CHEERS TO HARRY’S HOUSE THE ALBUM OF THE YEAR

view all 27,896 comment

harryfan1 LAJSKA BESTIEEE

harryfan2 what’s your favorite song?

↳ yourinstagram MATILDA

annetwist Best of the best ❤️

harrystyles We’ve been doing all this late night drinking xx

↳ harryfan1 HES SOOO

↳ harryfan2 a comedian

↳ yourinstagram 😭😭 i love you

liked by yourinstagram, maggierogers and 7,659,053 others

harrystyles Harry’s House. Out now.

view all 109,728 comments

harryfan1 SO PROUD OF YOU

harryfan2 BEST ALBUM EVER

yourinstagram i love you. thank you for all the ways you’ve made me proud for the past 12 years. you’re the most important person in my life, bubs 🥺

↳ harryfan3 i’m crying

↳ harryfan4 this is how i feel about harry too

annetwist ❤️❤️

liked by harrystyles, jefezoff and 305,876 others

yourinstagram if you thought that i wasn’t going to post something long and sappy about harry’s house, we’ll you thought wrong.

 this is the 3rd time i get to be by your side when you release an album, and every single time i’ve been flooded with the same bittersweet feelings, the happiness and pride to see you achieving your dreams, and the nostalgia when i look back and realize that it has been a long road. 

harry, i love you so much, thank you for letting me be part of this journey and just being you, you’re a light for me and all those who love you.

harry’s house is out now 🥺

view all 26,877 comments

harryfan1 i’m CRYING

harryfan2 this is so sweet, she’s the best 

gemmastyles Not you making me cry 😢

harrystyles You’re the reason behind all of this. Thank you. I love you x ❤️

↳ harryfan1 I CANT

↳ harryfan2 this is absolutely adorable

jefezoff ❤️❤️

taglist: @cucciolafaerie @maria-r @eleanordaisy @sunflowersndpeaches @golden-hoax @alienorknight @evanjh @daydreamingmathilda @sunflowervolume66 @lollypopsx @multiplums @89evrs @trulymadlykiki i  @piscesrecord @vanteguccir @ivyproblems @ivegotparticulartaste @springholland @harryhoney-bee @harrysgloves @ayeshathestyles @comfort-reads @stylesmygucci @gimsaysay @rosaliedepp @dontworrysunflower @milfrrynation @sleutherclaw @vodka-is-gay-and-so-am-i

[st4r-girls]

love songs ✶ lh44

pairing: lewis hamilton x reader

summary: y/n drops a new song with some very interesting background vocals

notes: hi!!! first post, barely know how to work tumblr but here we go

~ instagram!

liked by kaliuchis, badgalriri and 56,000 more

yourusername so excited to release my new single, the 1!! i wrote these lyrics at the beginning of a new relationship and when i reread them to record, the feeling was surreal. i want to thank all the people who support me and my musical endeavors. and to the one: illuminas mi vida, te amo 💕

view all 6,400 comments

user1 SHES DONE IT AGAIN SETTING THE BAR FOR ALL OF US

user2 DRIVIN DOWN THE 1!!!

kaliuchis tan orgullosa de ti, preciosa como siempre🎀🎀🎀 (so proud of you, beautiful as always)

yourusername te amoooo💕💕te echo de menos!! (i miss you)

user3 ok but when’s the new album???

user4 her vocals oh myyyy🔥🔥🔥

user5 i need her actually

user6 seems like u might have competition

user7 ok but who was the other credit on the song?? those other background vocals were NOT her

user8 ugh i need to see this live asap

user9 ummm who is the one?!??

user10 calienteeee 🔥🔥🔥🔥

badgagriri looking amazing babe

yourusername ugh ily

user11 what an icon

~ twitter!

yourusername posted a new story! 5hrs ago

~ instagram!

liked by lewishamilton, kaliuchis and 178,000,090 others

yourusername i thought writing and releasing a song for you would be the ultimate anniversary present but i’ve been one upped. these have been the best 4 years and i can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you 💕 (ps. thanks for the background vocals 😘)

tagged: lewishamilton

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user1 WHAT🔥🔥🔥

user2 this was NOT on my 2023 bingo

user3 they look so cute together 🥹

feliciathegoat congrats dude now i don’t have to hear you talk about some mystery guy

yourusername shut up ty 💕

user4 well now we know who the 1 is

user5 I CANT BELIEVE THEYRE ENGAGED

user6 Y/N AND LEWIS WHAT

kaliuchis proud to say i was first to know 😘 felicidades, hermana 🩷🩷 (congrats, sister)

yourusername gracias kali ily ily 🥹 (thank you)

user7 an f1 driver??????

user8 JAW DROPPED IM GAGGED ABSOLUTELY

mercedesamgf1 congratulations on the engagement!! welcome to the family

yourusername aww thank you 🩷

user9 welcome to the family i’m SOBBING

user10 y/n on the grid when????

user11 HE WAS THE VOCALS ON THE 1

badgalriri congrats on the engagement babe 😘

yourusername ugh wife ily 🥹

lewishamilton wife?????

yourusername just kidding lewie, yk ily

user12 SHE CALLS HIM LEWIE🥲🥲

user13 WAIT they’ve been dating for 4 years??????

lewishamilton mi amor 🤍

yourusername I LOVE YOU

user14 so he’s soft launch guy???

liked by yourusername, roscoelovescoco, mercedesamgf1, and 850,093 others

lewishamilton from quiet nights in your nyc apartment to secret skydiving trips, i’ve cherished every moment with you. the song was beautiful, sorry i had to one up you with the engagement. i love you baby, to forever 🤍

tagged: yourusername

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yourusername oh please you’re not sorry

lewishamilton no i’m not 🙃

user1 i knew this was coming and i’m STILL shocked

user2 HE’S HAD A GF THIS ENTIRE TIME

user3 THATS MY 8 TIME WDC WINNING CHAMP

user4 i think u meant 7 time…

user3 no i meant 8.

sebastianvettel congratulations lewis, enjoy marriage

lewishamilton thank you brother

user5 he’s engaged to the singer????

user6 no way he just hard launched with an engagement post

user7 jaw dropped.

landonorris this old man has a gf???

georgerussell63 i know right? i’m still shocked

danielricciardo i thought it would never happen. so proud😪

pierregasly i can’t believe i didn’t know

yourusername fiancé actually

landonorris so sorry ms future hamilton ma’am

yourusername better 😌

user8 LANDO OMG😭😭

user9 i literally cannot right now

user10 MOTHER AND FATHER

user11 i’m actually obsessed like what

user12 omg i can’t wait for the wedding

user13 i need to see them on the grid

[ryutarotakedown]

Ace attorney? 001 for the ask game

[ask game link] ACE!!! ATTORNEY!!!!! okay im going with original trilogy for this because the prequels and sequels are both their own thing so [cracks knuckles]

Favorite character: oh god ive got a “no opinion” for the first damn question uhhh. im going to go with pearl because i think she is underappreciated. pearly pearls pearl fey i love you im sorry your mother sucks

Least Favorite character: mmmmm writing-wise would be terry fawles. in-game-wise would be morgan fey easily what a woman! i love hating her. one of the most chilling depictions of controlling parents ive come across ever

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): okay i can’t forget platonic ships this time. in no particular order: narumitsu, franmaya, nick & maya & pearl, iris & everyone but especially edgeworth, and. blanks. MIEGO I CANT BELIEVE I FORGOT THEM

Character I find most attractive: phoenix. sorry.

Character I would marry: no one in these games is marriage material thats why i love them. okay thats not true i’d probably marry bikini

Character I would be best friends with: phoenix again. charmed by his hater swag.

A random thought: recipe for turnabout was good okay no where are you going

— i just. yes the stuff with jean sucks majorly (i went in armed with janet hsu’s trivia that he is meant to be a cis gay drag-performing guy and thus had a better experience than most people did i think) but the last turnabout was fucking spectacular. i love when phoenix straight up lies.

An unpopular opinion: crap, but that just now *was* my unpopular opinion! okay uhh. i really like how godot and iris and misty have the exact same guilt complex going on. i think if you have different opinions on the three of them you are somewhat missing the point (like yes misty did abandon her children and yes godot is mean sometimes but like. at their core. they are So Much the same and that is what destroys them and also what starts off bridge to the turnabout.)

— also i think that aa4 should have been phoenix and maya destroying the death penalty because they’ve realized that the truth is necessary yes but also punishment does not work and will never get only the imaginary perfect bad person because all aa villains are human but especially in the end with godot. and then they should deal with the ramifications of the fact that this means morgan will not be subjected to the death penalty

— OH ALSO phoenix was absolutely in the right to take pearl along to investigations in jfa 2-4. can you imagine being what, 8 years old, and your only family left in the entire world is kidnapped, and your other only family left in the entire world fucking leaves you because you’re a kid and ooh kids shouldn’t be exposed to violence ooh? i would have killed phoenix wright. i don’t care if gumshoe babysits her or she gets sent to a daycare or something i would have still killed him. she deserves to be up to date on everything she deserves to see him at his most honest

My canon OTP: miego because i mean. they Are the only canon otp. unless you allow platonic otps in which case it’s nick & maya & pearl again

Non-canon OTP: narumitsu. i am basic and proud.

Most badass character: phoenix and franziska are wrestling for that spot and franziska is winning by sheer dint of the fact that she is 18 years old and fucking Did All Of That while alone and scared and 18 years old

Pairing I am not a fan of: i respect multishipping but i cannot fucking do it for the life of me so like. pretty much anything i have not listed above. wait no lanamia’s fine. everything other than the above and lanamia

Character I feel the writers screwed up: uhhhhhhh hm. not really anyone… larry i suppose? i don’t actually think they did him that badly though, im very invested in him & pearly bonding in heavenly hall. i do also think maya should have gotten some more time to shine in bridge but that’s not a fault of her characterization.

— OH WAIT NO everyone in big top who was in that love triangle except regina. i like all of them as characters and do not want any of them to be predators thanks. I genuinely think it’d be so good if ben max and bat were all 16-18 it drives in the whole “younger than you think they are” theme with franziska

Favorite friendship: nick and maya. of course. honorable mention to larry and pearl who i think discover that they are aromantic together

[sebnameyourcar]

the uk is so fucking stupid i cant believe i have to be neighbours with them. they’ve turned match of the day into a culture war tactic so now you have actual tory MPs saying that yesterday’s stripped-down, 20-minute, no-commentary, no-punditry edition of MOTD because of the staff boycott/strike was somehow better than what it was before. “no waffling or ‘experts’ sharing the opinions. get rid of them and save the taxpayer millions”. as if your taxes will somehow be lowered astronomically because shearer & wrighty won’t be on your screens for 40 mins on a saturday. cop the fuck on. also you’re all obviously lying, you useless boring sacks of shite, because match of the day has been going on for FIFTY-NINE YEARS and no-one ever complained that the commentary & punditry was futile. sports fans want analysis of their team’s match. i wanted to be shown proper replays and have the presenters talk through richarlison’s goal given as offside by VAR. but alas, no. i mean for fuck sake, i don’t think any snotty tory MP saying that MOTD was “far better last night” had ever even watched the programme before! as a profession, footballers (and since most pundits are ex-footballers, my point stands with them) are more likely than nearly any other high-earners in the UK to have come from working-class backgrounds. football has been, historically, a working-class sport. so can the rugby-watching, polo-playing, right-wing, snobbish cunts of conservative MPs stop patronising what is one of the biggest solidarity movements in football to date concerning a man potentially losing his job for criticising the government.

[knifefightscene]

I don’t know if it’s because I hold other women to a higher standard but I’m just so upset that women let this happen to her. And it would be so easy for me to blame it solely on yt women but the amount of women from every which way I’ve had to report and unfollow because of the vile things they’ve posted throughout the trial is insane. It’s problematic for me to expect this behaviour from men and not women but I can’t help it. Even some DV victims are part of the large group of people harassing her, Ofc the general public CANT change the influence his status had on the case, but we could’ve made it so much easier on her just by showing her the support she deserves.

As for men nobody can convince me that they’re not using her as a punching bag for their misogyny and utter disdain of women. I understand how people get when it comes to celebrity stan culture but what’s insane is these people have never even thought about J*nny D*pp in their lives, he’s been irrelevant for a bit now, and I’m 100% sure he has another upcoming trial for harassing someone on set. They just came together to harass the fuck out of her it’s not even like they stan him that hard, they just want an excuse to pick up where he left off and continue abusing her.

I have frankly blocked so many people. I even unfollowed people i have followed for literal years over this. I did not care at all but when misinfo videos and tweets were suggested to me i start to think this is ridiculous. Like even if the misinfo was true, she still doesn’t deserve to be hated that much. With Amber T*rd trending and people saying she’s a gold digger. She’s not. She dated Elon Musk and left him. Her marriage with Depp doesn’t have prenup so she’s entitled to so much more money than 7 millions. Which she then pledged to charities. And have to halt cause she spent 6 millions just to fight him in legal battles. It’s disgusting. Even if u don’t believe he did abuse her. Can you see he’s abusing her now? That power he wield is unbelievable. The entire world was on his side.

[thetaekookcloset]

Something really hilarious to me is on jungkooks graduation, jimin posts a vid on twitter saying congratulation to jk. Taekook trends that day on twitter because of the super sus sound in the background. Back then, i really didnt even know why people were so angry? at this video because i was a casual fan. People were fighting tkkrs saying it wasnt a kiss, it was just a seatbelt sound but no one in the video even had a seatbelt on????? If you look at the bangtan bomb of that day, none of them had any seatbelt sounds, so ?? No ones saying they kissed on the mouth, they couldve kissed on the cheek? Nothing too weird about kissing on the cheek to me? But these people were making up the most illogical shit just to say… what? That taekook arent close? The thing about taekook to me is that i was willing to think all their antics are just extremely close and friendly until you see how much taekook are held back on camera, we’ve seen all the members give each other kisses on the check because cameras are ALL up on it, ALL FOR IT, but for taekook? Its crickets. As soon as the cameramen catch wind of them 2 cm near each other, they yeet the camera hell away like they’ve been burned. Its not even one time or 2 or 3, its literally been innumerable times that i cant say is a coincidence anymore. Whats even funnier to me is that in that same year, we have taes vlive in chile i think where you hear the same exact sounds, and once again people say hes just talking to himself —and hey! It could be possible, but you can literally hear another voice— and the supposed kissing sound this time is just him slurping ramen or the supposed ghost in the background slurping ramen. If you’re doing acrobatics to get your lousy point across, at least get your story straight. FYI, im talking about everyone in this fandom, mostly twitter armys. I left twitter because there is no point in arguing with brick walls.

I completely agree, about all of this, including the part about twitter.  I go on there for photos and cute edits and stuff, but not for discourse, it’s just such a mess.

You’ve brought up something that’s been on my mind a lot lately, which is the way that people -- anyone who doesn’t believe Taekook could be dating -- lump all Taekookers together as a way to, often hypocritically imo, dismiss the whole possibility.

Obviously there are plenty of people out there who believe Taekook are dating but who have some really wild reasons for thinking so, reasons that aren’t based in much that’s real.  There are people who act in pretty unhinged ways, some of which are really not okay in my opinion (like harassing people or being hateful toward other members).  Those people exist, and I’m sure that in comparison to other shippers, more of them are Taekookers because there are more Taekookers in general.

But I feel like a lot of people use that unhinged behavior of a relative few in order to justify completely dismissing everyone, and the entire possibility that Taekook could potentially be a reality, while doing the exact things that they accuse us of doing.  Even people who will freely and happily admit that not all Taekookers are toxic will still readily spout the idea that all of our theories are based on twisted/edited content and wishful thinking.

We’re pretty much constantly accused of, or at the very least assumed to be, twisting what we see to fit a predetermined narrative.  I’ve never seen anyone outside of a TK space talk about Taekookers in any other way, even the people who are relatively nice about us overall.

Other than it being frustrating to be dismissed like that, I find it fascinating because a lot of these people (if not all of them, honestly) do the exact things they accuse us of doing.  Aren’t they cherry-picking evidence to suit their own biased thinking?  Aren’t they deciding to believe narratives that suit them and their preferred perception, rather than considering all of the potential possibilities?

Taehyung’s “get out of your imagination” comment is a great example.  It was so easy for people to interpret that to mean “don’t ship me at all/don’t ship me with JK” and they just jumped on that because it suited them, even though there’s another reading of the same comment that presents itself just as easily and makes more sense in context.

Instead of considering that as a possibility, people cling to their own interpretation without even thinking about the alternative because it suits their predetermined ideas, whether those ideas are anti-shipping in general or in favor of another ship.

The example you’ve used is great too.  Taekookers are constantly accused of making up random shit to make our ship more believable or to debunk other ones -- and again, there absolutely are people who do that, I’m not denying that -- but it’s not like the same tactics aren’t thrown back at us all the time.  They absolutely are.

What really grinds my gears about the whole thing is how real “evidence” for lack of a better word, and genuine analysis/observations, are completely dismissed because the fandom at large has collectively decided that everything any Taekooker could possibly have to talk about is obviously made-up nonsense pulled from nothing.  Meanwhile the same people fail to recognize their own biased thinking and do all the things they accuse us of doing in order to justify their own views of the situation.

Obviously, this is the internet.  Everyone has their own opinions and we can all have our own spaces to talk about them.  We’re never all going to agree, and we need to be okay with that, but it does irk me sometimes, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.

[jentlemahae]

it’s also suspicious bcs we know dispatch waits around outside jennie’s house all day to see who enters and leaves which is how they got those pics of g* (dispatch acting like friends can’t go to their friends houses 🙄) and yet some of those leaked pics of * were taken INSIDE jennie’s home. so u really expect me to believe that despite dispatch stalking her they NEVER caught * going into her house??? ofc they did!! and they’ve never held back from posting jennie’s business before so why aren’t they doing that now? and surely it would be in dispatch’s best interest to reveal that two of the most famous idols in the world are dating, so why aren’t they? bcs they have a deal with hybe. there’s no way they don’t

yeahhh dispatch has never shied away from airing jennies private business so the only thing that could be stopping them is his presence 🤷🏻‍♀️ but i mean even aside from her - i doubt those men have been living like monks for years and they have surely dated throughout their career and breaking the scoops would have obviously been in dispatch’s best financial interest, so their silence for all this years cant be anything but a product of a deal with the company lol

[pashminalamb]

✨Chapter 2✨ part 1

IM SO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO THIS I CANT BELIEVE ITS ALMOST BEEN A WEEK IVE BEEN MEANING TO READ IT AS SOON AS IT CAME OUT BUT LIFE GOT IN THE WAY BUT IM HERE NOW BELLE!!!

OH HO HO WE’RE STARTING WITH THE LETTER??? YESSS I COULDNT WAIT TO SEE WHAT SHE WROTE. *reads the first metaphor and starts sobbing* it’s a diary. ITS A DIARY OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP THROUGH HER EYES IM SOBBING RN. I honestly love the idea that Oliver doesn’t have the best relationship with his family. Adds more spice yknow? WAIT WAIT WAIT. HES READING THIS??? THIS IS HIS POV??? ASDHJHHFJJFFHHHFFF THIS IS AMAZING. Also I love how hurtful the readers love is portrayed in the diary. Making him read your years worth of heartache gives a chance for him to reflect on his actions. Oliver having Viking ancestry??? That’s a yes from me!!!! Not him already unconsciously planning a date to take you to see the northern lights and only being able to imagine your face. BOY YOU ARE DOWN SO BAD. WAKE UP ALREADY. NOOOOOOOOO NOT THE DREAM RELATIONSHIP. BELLE LOVE PLS. You’re killing me rn *sobs*. That scene with her framing abt their future relationship and his hand hosting over here whilst giving him a back hug was written so well I can literally feel it happening adhkhdhkgfjhgf ugh. God reading the diary entries was so painful. I can practically hear the riding and falling octaves of hurt and desperation and hollowness and acceptance. *cries* BELES IM NOT EVEN HALFWAY THROUGH YET HOW CAN I GO ON LIKE THIS???!!? *proceeds to keep reading* NO BUT HIM REALIZING HOW HES MORE THAN JUST A SCUMBAG IN SOMEONE EYES SOBBING SCREAMING CRYING RN BELLE. I really do this that he doesn’t view himself as highly as his ego on the field does. Aside from soccer, I feel like Oliver would have a few self worry issues. You’re making me think abt his character more and this isn’t even an analysts post asfkjgfggiij. I love how you’re exploring him as a person through his relationship with the reader. It’s really hard and tricky to develop a character using a relationship they have with someone else but you’ve done a fantastic job with it love!!! Oh timeskip?? I love your dialogue writing so much, you really make y/n have a personality and Oliver doesn’t just have the 2 traits of soccer and playboy. Uh oh not the mother call. You really know you’ve messed up royally bad of you get a video call from mom with the look. Rip Oliver you will forever be remembered in our memories. WE LOVE MOM IN THIS HOUSEHOLD FINALLY SOMEONE TALKING SOME SENSE INTO THIS MAN SERIOUSLY QUIT BEING AN ASS OLIVER I SAY THIS FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR HEART. I love how the loneliness slowly creeps up on him in the little things tho. The extra groceries the empty bedroom the lack of the faucet running in the morning just ugh yes I love it all. I wanna bet that he hasn’t had a girl over or even thought abt having one over since she left cage she’s all he can think abt. I’m right aren’t I? Yup I was right. FINALLY. ITS ABT DANG TIME. NOW PRESS THE CALL BUTTON OLIVER OR SO HELP ME-. Noooooo not the voicemails. This is a risky so freaking sad to read. He’s hurting so bad but I’m still kinda mad at him so like ugh. THE GASP I LET OUT WHEN I READ THAT HES GETTING A TATTOO FOR YOU *SCREAMETHS* I’m still grinning like a crazy person asdjjfgjkhghh. Maybe not the best emotional decision while drunk Oli BUT THE SYMBOLISM THE SYMBOLIDM IS WHATS GOT ME GRINNING LIKE A FOOL. Belle you’ve got me loving all the angsty stuff *cries*. wait what. did. did I read that right???????? 6 years????? 6???? Six??????? ITS BEEN 6 YEARS SINCE THEYVE LAST SEEN EACH OTHER IM-. *wheezes and continues to furiously scroll* Oliver don’t you dare lie to yourself and say it was a drink regret we all know it wasn’t. The time skip was well place though. Unexpected but understandable. It was really needed and they’ve both grown separately which is what I was really hoping for. But see. Since the time skip was so early. I know there’s gonna be a LOT of drama upcoming. And I for one cannot wait!!! Sobs not him carrying your diary with him in his bag everywhere he goes like a lost wayward lover. That’s so mystical and romantic. Never through I’d use those two words to deserve Oliver of all people but your writing is just that good.

- ✨ anon

✨Chapter 2✨ part 2 Note: I cant believe it made me divide my ask into 2 parts tumblr do better smh That’s so mystical and romantic. Never through I’d use those two words to deserve Oliver of all people but your writing is just that good. CRIES KNOWING HE PROBABLY THOUGHT HE SAW A GLIMPSE OF YOU BUT IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE EVERY TIME AND HE WAS LEFT SO HEARTBROKEN AND SAD AND DISAPPOINTED EVERY TIME. OOF. Big oof. 6 years and no women huh? You messed up big time bud. Thank your wife Belle that’s she’s kind enough to give you a (probably) happy ending with this fic (I hope). NOT HIM SLOWLY ADOPTING YOUR MANNERISMS AND HABITS AS THE YEARS WENT BY. Seriously you pulled out all the heartache stops for this chapter Belle. Prediction. Why do I think the chapters gonna end with them meeting again? Cries. Yes. Wallow in despair and mistakes Oliver. It’ll be much help in your character development. Oliver honey. You can’t do this to me. Pls I cant take the pathetic heartache. And the strangers wondering what’s got him looking so sad too??? Stan me now why don’t you? UGH BELLE THIS US SO FREAKING GOOD!!!! Shout out to Sendou for being a true friend. I wonder if his relationship will Oliver will be developed a little later on too? Maybe. No. No no no. Ohhhhhhh my God. NOOOOOOOOO IM SCREAMING RN BITING MY PILLOW I SO DID NOT THINK YOU WERE GONNA GO THIS ROUTE BUT I HAVE NO COMPLAINTS. OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I JUST ASFJHFGJFFHGDFGFFGGG SHES HERE ISNT SHE???? SHE WANTED TO SHIW THEIR DAUGHTER HER DADDY AND SEE HIM TOO UGH I AM BELLE YOU ABSOLUTE MENACE I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. “Staring into the camera wondering if you were watching him” BOY SHES IN THE STANDS WITH YOUR DAUGHTER. Not me slowly losing my mind over this new development don’t mind me asdfjkgggjjj. Ohhhh okay so my prediction for her being in the stands and having their daughter watch the game intentionally was false BUT I MIGHT STILL BE RIGHT ABT THE CLIFFHANGER ENDING LETS SEE. Pshhhhhhhhh Oliver bring bad with kids is actually so hilarious to me. God having a daughter makes so much more sense now with the context of cutting off contact and the little details. You could have predicted but it was a very low chance you did that part so well girl!!!! ASTJFDHKIFFJKUFFGJJUFDFFFF NOT THE OLDER SISTER!!!!!!!???? WILL SHE LET THEM MEET OR NO??????!!!!! AHHHHH I CANT TAKE THIS. AND I WAS RIGHT ABT THE NANES BEING SIMILAR I DIDNT MENTION IT BUT I HAD AN INKLING. LIVI = OLIVIA = OLIVER????? Yessssss give me the parental relationship development and parent-child similarities. I literally speed read the rest of it cause oh my God I couldn’t stop myself. I loved this chapter so much. His resolve to win you back over??? FREAKING TOOK 6 YEARS AND A SECRET DAUGHTER BUT WE’RE FINALLY HERE!!!!!!!! Everything abt this chapter was amazing and I loved it so much seriously you did an amazing job with this!!!! The formatting and borders look fantastic btw!!! I cannot wait for the next chapter but pls pls pls ake your time and don’t overwork yourself sweetheart!!!! And again I’m sorry for the late response and lack of interactions. Life got busy and I’ve been occupied mentally with friendship stuff. Sighs. Anyways. IM GLAD TO BE BACK NOW THO!!!! I wanna catch up!!! How are you love? How’s break been? And uni? Are you feeling better? I hope you are!!! And that you get all the writing inspiration and kudos on ao3 (unfortunately I can’t spam the kudos button or I would have) and much interactions on your blog!!!! ALSO. Question. But would you prefer me writing the reviews for the chapters on your blog or in the comments section of the fic on ao3? *sending many virtual hugs* - ✨ anon

FINALLY. the much awaited reply - I really loved reading every min of this and now I'm gonna talk about every small detail of it so it's gonna be a long ask. So yeah lets dive right into it ! We did start off with her diary. And YES. the story is a dual perspective one so there is developments on Oliver's side as well. The idea of him having viking ancestry came from vinland saga for me as well as the study of vikings - most of them came from the nordic belt so there was a possibility of that and honestly... viking! Oliver? *fans face* Now the whole thing abt the back hug and that scene? That was out of a dream I had a couple of months back that I was talking to blue about. I just love the whole narrative where you're hating him and loving him at the same time ToT

And yes! so one of the issues with Oliver's character (i'm not sure if you're reading the manga or not -) but even as a football player, he does have more addition to his personality than his nature and looks; adults took away his future from him. He wanted to be a striker but because of his coach, he had to give up that dream and become a defender instead. Another thing I like is making (y/n) have a personality as well as strong dialogues. One of the issues with fanfic writing is that the reader is also a if not the main protagonist of the story. Some of the (y/n)s out there (and I'm not saying this to stir anything up) are too soft spoken or give in too easily. Some authors mention that the reader is stubborn either through description or dialogues but they don't show it or show the reader being too dependent on someone. And honestly, I'm glad you brought out the point that the way I characterize people has more to do with stuff that really counts as a personality including Oliver since he has just been restrained to football and being a playboy -smh. Since my stories have less of smut and more of plot, there has to be character development and since I like seeing people blossom, might as well do it with the characters right? and in this case, its to do with time. he does get lonely - and there's an explanation for that in the story. So the story about the tattoo... I was planning on getting an arm tattoo done for him. like a fawn over the shoulder and then adding stuff to it... but Oliver doesn't strike as the type to get tattoos. So he got one on the ankle and...yeah no I'm not giving spoilers for further chapters just yet. |>.<| Ik the time skip seems big... but yeah. 6 years - I can't believe I fell for Oliver, then again. he's practically the only sane one in there and maybe Bachira... or else everyone is either depressed or feral. not in between literally.

6 years and Oliver hasn't had women. And ofc my story has a happy ending! - 'hurt me and put me back together' is my motto atp I'm glad that you're enjoying the angst starry - cause that's where most of my character development is. And there's more drama in the next chapter. So... did no one notice that Oliver didn't pull out? *laughing* well... yes. we did have a daughter. Oliver is actually terrible with babies. I'm happy to hear that i pulled it off well T.T Well... chapter 3 is packing. I already have a title ready And its fine! honestly- its good to take a break from tumblr once in a while So here's my update - I managed to put on weight during my break. 3 kgs/ 7 pounds consistently working out at the gym and uni... is exhausting. but we're working and I also bought a lot of books during break (chainsawman as one of them) and another one that I'm really engrossed in atm, Anything is fine Starry!! I'm keeping tumblr active in case someone wants to tell me something anonymous or discussions for character development. and I saw your comment on my fic on ao3 - i wanna say that I really appreciate it cause that was one of the first comments that fic ever got and I'm happy about it (gonna respond to it soon as well) *sending bear hugs*

Starry his collarbones are catching me off guard -

[surrealsunday]

ahahah glad u liked my memes montage! after chap7 i just needed to do it sbsbdb

exactly lucas is a fallen angel, not only for eliott but also for us 😌 my smol baby 🥺 he really deserves all the hugs in the world 💗

clearly chap6 is incredible! like there’s not really angst, just cute little domesticity (also smut of course ahahah), like if you read it out of context you could almost tell they’ve been tgt for years with the ‘first week dating’ feelings yk 🥺 i mean we can’t blame eliott for imagining they lives tgt already tho, like u said when it’s the right person, the ‘when’ doesn’t matter. (a bit like canon elu moving in tgt after like a year or sth, deep down they know they’re the right person for eo 💗)

no but it was sooo satisfying charles being punched fr and the fact that the og scene is actually in the movie makes it even more better! and that last line, i hate it but love it as well i cant lie 😭

thank u sm! 💗that’s great plans too tho as long as u hve a good time with your cat that’s all that matters :) personally know with family so it’ll be kinda chill too ahahah

🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

I have a friend who refers to Lucas in this story as her 'smol baby' too. I love that this is a thing. You're both so right for that 😌.

It's so true that canon Elu moved super fast too and yet it didn't feel like it. I feel like that is easier to do on screen because of time jumps and just in general the sense of time being a bit more jumbled, but at the core is the need for the couple to believably be that sure of one another. So yeah, Eliott is definitely sure of Lucas in this story. And as long as I can get across that feeling of him being totally understandable in his feelings and how quickly they arose for him, I can make that 'imagining a future together' work. That's was and is the plan at least!

The way I write Charles in my stories, I must admit... he should always be punched 😂😂😂. I'm happy to provide.

I'm glad you had a chill New Year's as well! May 2023 be kind to us (insert me shaking my fist at the sky) ❤️❤️❤️

[kowlsy]

Eddy is maybe an overthinker. maybe a bit too polite.

Or no, that cannot be true. Eddy does not life the life of an overthinker— a cautious Eddy would be 3 years out of medical school, with a wife, a toddler, seasons tickets to the Sydney symphony orchestra and a heart full of regret.

an over thinker would not be in Singapore where a half-foreign language rolls off the tongue in an entirely foreign way, wouldn’t have learnt cameras and socialblade and adobe aftereffects. Would not still be carrying his case with him around the world, shoulder to shoulder with --------

and that --------

There is one place, always one place, where Eddy does overthink, in the few silent moments. Because really. what are they doing? 30 years old and still sleeping in beds down the hall from each other, still swiping through dating apps as if they expect to find someone who’ll--

Who will understand that is doesn’t matter who's finger E puts a ring on, Brett will always come first. Twoset will always come first. Eddy has his soulmate , he just needs a warm body.

And he almost wishes that the fans had it right, that they were like that because it would almost be easier to just lust after Brett; hand in hand with his love but he just— doesn't.

their love is not all-encompassing and maybe the god neither of them believe in is a cruel god.

Eddy maybe thinks too much.

he thinks about a future where he and Brett grow old together, and they still live in the same apartment and play the same duets and laugh at the same jokes and the joy that fills him just isn't enough to cover the panic- at doing it wrong, at not getting all of the parts done

degree. check job. check (unless his mother is counting which—well—) wife. house. lawn. kids. unfulfilled promises he doesn't remember making but still cant seem to free himself of.

its never cold in Singapore but he cant help but wrap his arms around himself, staring at a city that he feels too old for sometimes, the way it breathes and pulses long after the sun has set. He's too young for it too, sometimes, and maybe he’s just not right, never right.

the only time eddy feels right is when he's playing, filming with Brett, practicing with a wall between them, eating hotpot in silence because they don't really need words, not anymore.

and maybe he’s clung to that security a little too much, leaned on Brett's strength, his confidence and his “fuck you” but shit its nice to feel okay and if this is how he feels okay— shoulder to shoulder with Brett then--

then he's been chasing his happiness since he was 13 years old, him and Brett vs the whole world, and they’ve won again and again. fuck a dating app. fuck his unspoken promises. he has his. the world can overthink about the rest of it.

[boypussydilf]

hmm. lets do maybe sasha and milla for your relationship game. i'm in a psychonauts mood since yesterday's anniversary

OKAAAAAY SASHA AND MILLA i thimk they mightve been how i found your blog. the i cant believe were both psychic and trans post. this might not be very elaborate i havent had thoughts about psychonauts in a long time,

describe their canon relationship/dynamic

they are coworkers. they are also ridiculously close to the point that they’re basically constantly in telepathic contact. they’re bound to start dating eventually everyone else is just waiting for them to finally actually realize they are both in love. come on guys you can do it. you’re already parents together. by virtue of being camp counselors, but,. also i have not seen more than 2 seconds of any psychonauts game in like a year but i think they were the Serious One and Oh Lighten Up Have Some Fun :) dynamic

your ideal/headcanon version of it? how does it differ from how it is in canon & why is this your favorite version? any other alternate versions of it you enjoy?

I think in my mind they are basically the exact same but officially t4t and actually dating instead of doing the *bumps into you* *dramatic staring at each other from 6 inches away but nothing happens* thing

what do you like about their relationship, why is it interesting or enjoyable to you?

They’re neat. They’re my new parents. They’re sweet. I want to be Sasha in this situation. They look awesome next to each other.

what about the individual characters involved? what does this relationship mean to them, what makes it unique among their relationships?

i….. i got nothin </3 i dont think that the games tell us a lot about like. how long they’ve known each other… or any other details of their relationship beyond They Know Each Other. i think. i don’t rewlly remember. they’re like, a Team though. they Work Together. they both have to rely on each other, and they know that they can do that unconditionally. like a well oiled machine babey

favorite interaction they have in canon

again it’s gotta be the thing about them Always Talking To Each Other In Their Minds. this is also kind of the omly interaction they have that i can remember right now, but, even if i remembered all their moments together thatd probably still be the best

favorite interaction they have in your head/a situation you want to put them in

heh. milla teaches sasha how to dance and hes incredibly stiff and awkward about it but she gets him to have fun :). and then they kiss

[causmonaut]

aaaand we’re back…

with another long ass post !!

documenting my stupidity immaturity:::::

she tweets: i love my bf!

he tweets: i love my gf!

she tweets: i miss my hubby i cant eat or sleep i cant breath i cant live like this

and hoooowwww do i see it? by logging into the acc i follow her on (to softblock everyone and keep the account as an archive since i had been using it for years)…

i !!! was confused? at first. then icked out… then hurt.

how do you shit on me for not even directly questioning your sexuality once because you loved to talk about dating men and dated and LOVED a man for 3 years, and say you’re a pure lesbian and i’m projecting by suggesting that you might have curiosity or the capacity to be attracted to men .. and then go date a man?

that part got me for a bit but her sexuality is really none of my business nor do i really care about it past the fact that she got super aggressive with me when i would question her comments. if she’s figuring out her sexuality then, good on her. i don’t believe in holding anyone to labels they’ve given themselves, it takes a long while before someone might settle (or decide not to settle) on whatever label(s) they feel comfortable with.

but it confirms that she’s with someone, it confirms that she likely lined him up soon after or before she dumped me which also stings because i think she’s shown me my worth to her so many times and it’s really not much. i think i was worth more than a few weeks of recovery? but it’s fine. i think she’s emotionally constipated and avoidant as fuck so i lowkey hope it all builds up and blows up in her face eventually (this is hateful, i’m rarely ever hateful…)

i decided to reach out before yesterday ended because it gave me an excuse to go and a: make it known that i know she’s a “lesbian” with a boyfriend and b: make it clear that i think it’s best i don’t have her on any of my social media accounts.. so i removed her on my defunct instagram… removed her from the server we used to share stuff and vc during games… took her out of groupchats with my friends.

her responses vv

“my tweets? do we still follow eo anywhere? but yeah, sure. please delete my personal info on there.”

“ooh i see”

“alright alright, thanks”

^^ putting these here.. for a few reasons

i think it’s important for me to reflect on how little energy she was giving me despite my long-winded over-explanations for my actions.. i wanted to make it clear i wasn’t removing her out of malice and stuff.. but really i don’t think i owed her the clarification.

i don’t think she thinks that deeply about things, and probably didn’t care much since they’re logical steps.

i wish i could’ve been more reserved during a lot of our conversations together but my overthinking makes it so hard not to assume she’d need the same reassurance as i might need in that situation.

i think for the first time she’s actually given me pretty mature responses. curt, dry, detached. probably in part because i’ve been pathetic as fuck in a lot of my messages to her, i’m sure she’s tired (i know she’s tired).

i would like to adopt her way of being firm in her decisions and knowing when to step away.

i could’ve honestly just quietly removed her from things, didn’t need to open up that can of worms or do that to myself or her.

i’ve now been dealing with the consequences of feeling a little hurt by her short responses, by removing her from things i wasn’t ready to remove her from.. by her moving on so quickly. her using the L word .. didn’t necessarily want her to while she was with me but she couldn’t say it even after a year, but with anyone else she’s said it within months? my self worth has taken a major hit. i think it’s half her and half me. two mentally ill people cannot function together for sure.

on the topic of mental illness, she subtweeted .. with “mental illness” .. friend saw and sent over a screenshot

yes, i’m mentally ill. i deal with chronic depression, anxiety disorder, a whole separate cocktail of other stuff, and ADHD… not to mention addiction (sober, btw).. and if we are being honest i am probably bordering on a personality disorder and all of that in combination with my anxious attachment style turn me into a monster when i’m with someone who can’t meet my needs or be consistent.

i recognize that and my needs, and what i need to work on.. i’ve known for a very long time but i still end up being attracted to manic types who are wishy washy and leave me questioning their intentions 24/7… this last girl was also a love bomber so that was not fun.

not excluding my own mistakes and toxic tendencies btw. i could lean into manipulative territory when i was upset, probably overloaded her with information in attempt to be transparent and it likely came off as being over critical and uncaring, because she could be petty i also allowed myself to be petty, too. we would get snappy at each other, she’d fuck up and i’d hold it against her for a while because she’d never genuinely apologize.. i’d fuck up and she’d never let it go, never communicate, only bring it up when it was too late for me to make up for it. it just wasn’t a good match.

but at the end of the day, once again, i can blame others as much as i want for things. i can hate her, i can ruminate on how little i must’ve meant to her in comparison to how much she meant and still means to me, i can torture myself with old screenshots or what ifs and would’ve should’ve could’ves but it doesn’t serve me.

^ easy to recognize that it doesn’t serve me but hard to not think or do these things anyway. i’m not good at combatting negative thoughts. i either don’t have them or they dominate all other thoughts. no in-between.

i think my anxiety and tendency to overthink are the biggest roadblocks i face.

kind of feeling like i am damaged goods. kind of feeling like i’d rather not date again so i don’t turn into an insecurity monster over someone that ain’t shit for the hundredth time.

life is tough as is. i have a lot on my plate, and sometimes i fear i’ll never feel peace. i don’t need a relationship to come and muddy everything up on top of all of the shit i go through on a regular basis.

buut as much as i don’t need it, that fear of loneliness sure does know how to creep in at just the right moments.

i’m talking about general loneliness. dying alone.. being distant from family… but also romantic loneliness, yea. everyone grows and branches out, my friends will find people they’ll go live in their own little bubble with, my cousins will do the same.. my parents are split and it wont be long before they both find people, too.. and here i am, their adult daughter who Should be more independent but i have honestly been so stunted by the amount of trauma we’ve all been through and it’s hard to feel my age, hard to cope with the fact that my life is my own. i don’t have the support structure of someone with parents that love them unconditionally or healthily.. it’s hard to grow when i spend so much time in their shadow trying to patch things up with them and help out without ever being nurtured in return.

in a lot of my relationships, i’m the one who lifts and supports others while i’m expected to get through things on my own. i fear it won’t ever change.

this all sounds very woe is me but i think i deserve to sit in that energy for a bit.

[flightless-icarus]

12.13.22

i have a “friend” of mine, and i dont know how to approach them. we’ve been friends since march, and a few months after that, they told me they liked me… romantically. i told them i never picked up on that, and that id let them know whether or not i shared those feelings with them after i mull it over, and it took quite sometime since i’ve not been romantically into someone for years now. so i was trying to sort out if the care and love i had for them was romantic or simply platonic. i didn’t want to rush into the idea of dating them, then things not work out- they said they werent ready for dating right now anyway, so it was fine… which i initially thought was a little odd, since when you confess feelings for someone, and if they reciprocate those feelings… i feel like the next step would be to date, not say “oh well i just wanted to let you know, im not ready to date” you know? it just felt odd at the time but i shrugged it off.

over the next few months, they keep bringing up how much they like me every now and then, while im sorting my emotions out, which was fine, it wasn’t common enough to be annoying, it truly was just every now and then- and they’d always insist that they think the friendzone is bullshit (not in a bad way, like they believe that the friend zone shouldn’t exist because if you cant continue being friends with someone after they reject you, then did you really like them for them? or something like that, i agree with the sentiment,i think its weird to completely break a friendship off with someone you liked enough to want to date. I understand needing a break to get through the soreness that comes with being rejected, but i think it’s weird as hell to just cut off the friendship completely)

anyway, im getting side tracked, they would insist that stuff about the friend-zone, saying if i didnt feel that way towards them, that they’d still want to be my friend because they cared about me and loved me. a few more months go by and i started to realise that i didn’t like them in that way, and i was trying to figure out how to tell them, and during that time, they suddenly have this new guy! they’re bringing this guy on dates and talking about how cool he is, and making out with him, bringing him over, the whole shebang of dating, but they’re not official or anything. which, valid and fine, i didnt really care, but they did quit talking to me as much, it was very abrupt too. like… one day we were speaking for a good chunk of the day, every day, and then suddenly theyre only sending me a few messages a day. in the beginning, i didnt have an explanation, so i was confused about why i was ditched.

but then they told me about said guy, and i was excited for them! a little worried, since they were already displaying behaviour of ditching me because they had a new boy in their life, and i have a lot of issues with ex friends doing that to me so i was really worried about it happening again with them. i didn’t voice it, because i thought it was a silly little grievance, and it was something that would sort itself out… i started to pull away subconsciously, because i think i was just prepping emotionally for them to just stop talking to me all together, it seemed like it was headed in that direction anyway, so i was just preparing for it, i think. Again, that is in hindsight, i didn’t realise I was pulling back at the time…. then they told me they still liked me romantically? and i didn’t like the way they phrased it. i originally believed that they had just moved on from me, and their feelings for me, which is valid and fine. i figured i took too long, and since i had already determined the feelings for them were platonic, i didn’t mind and figured we just wouldn’t need to talk about it.. and thats when they told me they still liked me, and that they liked me “more than this guy”, and a few other things i cant remember off the top of my head right now. it felt weird. they’re not poly- they’ve BEEN in poly relationships but as the partner dating someone with multiple partners. to my understanding, they aren’t poly. so it felt weird hearing they liked me, but also liked me more than this guy they were actively seeing? and then…. they posted something on tumblr. where they knew i followed them, they were absolutely fawning over this guy and talking about how they “took asexuality out of their bio bc of him” and how they’ve been making out with their manager from work and hashtagging it all kinds of wild stuff, like taking ace out of their bio, and ‘twirling my hair and kicking my feet’, and stuff like that. it felt bad, it felt weird. it felt like they wanted me to see that? they’re blocked on my tumblr, so hopefully they dont come across this because im still trying to process what to say to them. but anyway.

they reach out to me and ask if i’d been pulling away, and i explained that it was because of the boy stuff and it felt like they were just ditching me for this guy, and they explained that while yes, they’ve been talking to this guy a lot more and how he’s been consuming their time, but they were also doing finals that past week. i eventually ended up explaining to them that i didnt have feelings for them, i dont remember how it came up but i think they brought up something related to that and i ended up just letting it out because i was tired of trying to figure out what to say- i wasn’t mean of course,i just explained that i didn’t like them romantically….. and their response was to go on a 10-15 minute voice message spamming session about how much they like me romantically.

it made me uncomfortable. i ended up leaving them on read, because i didn’t even know how to respond to them, what do i say “thanks”? “good to know”? i had nothing nice or polite to say, so i just said nothing. i was confused and i felt weird. between the events before, and this, i just felt like they were buttering me up and trying to get me to continue liking them and hope that id like them back??? and they messaged me earlier today reminding me that i owe them money (i plan to pay them back, i thought it was weird of them to bring up in the middle of the month though, they know my financial situation and that i never have money in the middle of the month, so it seemed like a way to try and get me to talk to them, because its been like 2 weeks and i still haven’t. they also said something along the lines of “i dont like to make assumptions but i just cant shake the feeling that youre upset with me”, what gave it away? me telling you i don’t like you romantically and that i want to be friends because i care about you and value you, and your immediate response is to jump headfirst into gushing about how much you like me romantically? and then i stop talking to you after that?

what gave it away.

i needed to vent, its such a long and stupid situation and i dont know what to do. part of me wants to figure out a way to get them their $100 next month and just give it to them and block them. part of me wants to talk to them and be like yeah we’re not friends after that, im gonna pay you back but i dont wanna talk to you. and another part wants to keep communications to nothing and just pay them back $25-50 a month until im square with them. i just hate that. it makes me feel like everything they were saying was bullshit. i feel manipulated almost. maybe im being sensitive. maybe im in the wrong, i dont know. but what i do know is that i dont like how this all has made me feel.