#canyourfavesurvivecastledracula

[strange-destinations]

Kitty can I please request the Mysterious Benedict Society squad (all of them, not just the main four) as to ''who will survive castle dracula''?

(......I initially meant ''the Benedict twins and Rhonda and Number Two and Milligan and SQ'' when I said ''all of them,'' but ngl a hilarious bonus question is ''if the ten men got trapped there too what chaos would ensue'' so I'm gonna add that on as well XD)

sigh, here we go. @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula, tell me if you want me to stop tagging you.

Overall, I don't think many of the characters in the Mysterious Benedict Society series have a really huge belief in the supernatural regarding vampires and things that go bump in the night.... but then again, a lot of the plot revolves around a machine that influences everybody with subliminal psychic messages, and also there's a toddler who's inexplicably naturally psychic. And everyone pretty much takes all of this as 'a bit strange! But okay, I'll believe it!' So in general let's assume a baseline of, 'sure, vampires, why not' from the entire cast.

okay, let's go kids first. That's right, we're subjecting children to the horrors of Castle Dracula.

Reynie Muldoon - is very much a Jonathan Harker-like kid to start with, actually. May accept the crucifix out of politeness. Most likely to be able to hold Dracula's attention in conversation. I feel like Dracula is like Mr Curtain in a lot of respects, and the vibes between Reynie and him would be similar. Many tense, charged games of chess may occur. I believe in his ability to survive the psychological torment, because he's got a hell of a strong will, but I don't believe in his physical ability to escape. Either the GFs get him or Dracula himself does.

Kate Wetherall - would accept the crucifix, not out of any particular politeness or religious belief, but just because you never know when you might need a handy cross-shaped trinket! Into the bucket it goes! Least likely to hold Dracula's attention, she's way too ADHD and not really the sort of person who'd interest him apart from being an adrenaline-filled bloodbag. MOST likely to stage a daring escape using the contents of her bucket, which Dracula will not be able to steal or throw out the window because of the crucifix handily concealed within. Most likely of all the kids to survive this.

Sticky Washington - oh boy, Sticky. His encyclopedic knowledge of vampire lore will probably give him a bit of an edge... but not much. Sticky on-his-own isn't brave enough to go exploring/sneaking around extensively unless things get really dire. And Dracula himself would scare the shit out of Sticky to the point of near-nonresponsiveness, to the point where I don't think Sticky would seem that interesting to Drac after a while. Would a photographic memory and lots of vampire trivia help him survive? Probably, for a while. Would it help him escape? Probably not. Sticky's only sticking around in Castle Dracula for a little bit. Also Dracula would smash his glasses 'by accident' as a power play.

Constance Contraire - grumpy toddler showing up to Castle Dracula?Cool, it's basically vampire DoorDash! ...would be Dracula's first thought - before he realizes that she's psychic. Constance doesn't have a lot going for her, all things told. She's not particularly physically able, she's obstinate and stubborn and not a great conversationalist, I doubt she'd take the crucifix out of that same stubbornness, and also she'd compose some really unflattering slam poetry about Dracula, Dracula's castle, Dracula's girlfriends, etc etc etc. Escape isn't really an option here. It would all come down to a battle of wills between Dracula and Constance.... which I'm not sure Constance would win, on her own. Sorry, the baby's dying here without help.

To nobody's surprise, the Society would be able to survive Castle Dracula if they were all trapped in it together, and in fact that's an incredible fic idea that I don't have time or energy to write. However, on their own... they're just a bunch of kids. They're not going to do so great.

What about the others?

Mr Benedict - is most certainly accepting the crucifix, but his good luck ends there. Everything about Castle Dracula is designed to heighten anxiety and make your emotions go into overdrive. And it's definitely not a good place to go around falling asleep in random places because you get upset or overwhelmed. The moment Dracula twigs to the narcolepsy situation, Mr Benedict's pretty much fully screwed. The one thing that might save him is the fact that he's an incredibly intelligent and brilliant man, and Dracula might want to pick his brain a bit.

Mr Curtain - would most certainly NOT accept the crucifix, he's too proud for that. Assuming he somehow manages to get his wheelchair up the mountain - or going by TV!Curtain, where he doesn't have a wheelchair at all - he's immediately going to set about trying to strike up a business deal with Dracula to expand his global reach. Either the Count kills Curtain, or they make each other worse and everybody else is going to have a bad time. It's kind of up in the air on that one.

Number Two - has an incredible advantage over literally everyone else here in almost never needing to sleep. I don't think she's going to be especially happy about it, but having the full run of the castle during the daytime despite Dracula's best efforts (and, if we go by the TV show, being a completely unhinged force of destructive chaos) is going to mean that she'll probably manage to sneak out using an inventive and clever strategy.

Rhonda Kazembe - I can't think of anything that gives Rhonda more or less of an advantage than your average person - would probably take a similar approach to Number Two in escaping, with a bit more social skills re: talking to Dracula.

Milligan - doesn't need a crucifix. Beats up Dracula singlehandedly and throws him out a window because he left Kate down in the town and promised he'd be back for her. Does the same for the vampire GFs, no problem, not even a moment of hesitation. Rips up his own clothes to fashion a rope to climb down out of the castle, treks by foot all the way down the mountain. Rocks up to town several weeks later, heavily injured and looking awful but still alive.

SQ - there's no easy way to say this: SQ doesn't have anything at all going for him in this situation. He is, unfortunately, not particularly smart and not particularly agile. He's a great artist, but that's not helpful here. I think he's just a handy snack to Drac unless someone shows up to help him.

[pedanther]

Since @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula made its first foray into Chinese literature, I've been pondering nominating my own favourite Chinese novel.

But, the thing is… it's Journey to the West.

Sun Wukong can survive Castle Dracula. That's not remotely in question. He's the Great Sage Equal to Heaven, he fought the celestial armies to a standstill single-handed, and he's literally three times as immortal as anyone else. After he scent-marked the Buddha, he was encased in stone for five hundred years with no food or water, and that barely slowed him down. Sun Wukong can survive anything.

Which is good news for him, because his ability to be appropriately submissive to Rich Jerks, especially Immortal Rich Jerks, is less than zero, even when he has a reason to try. Dracula is going to want him dead within five minutes of meeting him. It's just not going to go any better for Dracula than for the 108 other sorcerers and man-eating demons Sun Wukong has already pissed off.

But, just for fun, let's go down the checklist:

Sun Wukong knows perfectly well that the supernatural is real, he's not going to waste any time accepting the truth of Dracula's nature.

He probably wouldn't take the old lady's crucifix, assuming she offered it to him, but that's not going to make any difference.

He would definitely go poking his nose in places he was told not to.

Managing the whims of a Rich Jerk: see above.

The cliff face would present no problems; Sun Wukong has jumped greater heights than that.

Sun Wukong, faced with the choice between being eaten by wolves or being eaten by vampires, would choose the wolves, pretend to be ripped to shreds, and then come back as his own ghost and haunt Dracula.

[thethirdromana]

I was going to send Jack Reacher to @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula but since they're drowning under an ask mountain right now, I thought I'd have a go myself.

Jack Reacher:

Does not believe in the supernatural.

Would accept the crucifix from the old lady; he hates material possessions but I think she would remind him of his mother.

Would go exploring after being told not to.

Would be rude to Dracula.

Probably good at climbing (though he's huge - would he fit on a windowsill? Probably irrelevant, he would break the doors down).

Would choose being eaten by wolves over being eaten by vampires, but would also be able to punch a wolf to death.

But let's rewind a little. Because Jonathan Harker, when travelling through the countryside and being warned of scary things ahead, continues on his way because a) he has a job to do and b) he's never experienced this before. But going to a strange place, learning that bad things are happening there and fixing them is Reacher's entire MO. Even before he reaches Transylvania, he's probably foiled a train robbery and broken the nose of a pickpocket in Munich. It's what he does. Also, he doesn't need the money.

So when people start muttering ominously around him on the journey, he might not be prepared to learn about the supernatural specifically, but he knows something's up, and he is not going to that castle unprepared. In fact, I don't think he even gets as far as being offered the crucifix, because he heeds the landlady's warning and doesn't get on the coach.

There are now two possibilities.

One is that Dracula is annoyed at his retired military policeman not showing up, travels to the inn, lures Reacher outside and eats him. But that would seem to be showing his hand too strongly, and feels out of character. I think Dracula maybe sends more letters, or waits, or orders another military policeman from somewhere instead.

The second is that we have a situation where Reacher is in a remote rural area, the local landowner is murdering people with impunity, the locals are all too scared to act, and something must be done, probably with violence. In other words, we are in a Jack Reacher novel. He's going to have a lovingly described breakfast with lots of coffee. He's going to make friends with the One Good Cop in local law enforcement. He's going to get an impressive array of weaponry. He's going to seduce the barmaid at the inn. He's going to gather information. And he's going to defeat Dracula.

A lot of this hangs on how much information he can get on Dracula-fighting from the local villagers. But the superstitions about the eve of St George's Day suggest that they're well informed. I think he'll learn roughly as much from them as Van Helsing did from his academic sources. Though he might not believe the supernatural explanation, he'll take people's claims about Dracula being weakest at sunrise and sunset seriously.

What happens next is basically what would happen if Van Helsing (1897) was replaced by Van Helsing (2004). Wolves get punched. Doors get ripped from their hinges. Girlies get staked. Dracula gets decapitated. The charming barmaid inherits the castle, somehow.

Jack Reacher can survive Castle Dracula.

[batfamscreaming]

Continues to be sad @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula has not reported on the status of bruce wayne, beloved father of multiple children of the night, who are all waiting for him to come home from his abroad business trip :(

[wouldtheybecomeafearavatar]

Hello everyone! This blog will create polls for everyone to decide if [character] would become a servant to or otherwise aligned with [one of the Fears from The Magnus Archives podcast]. *See explanations of Avatars and different Fears here.

Submission rules:

(by "submit" we mean "send an ask"; submissions are turned off)

1. Please submit a character with 1) their source and 2) one Fear you hypothetically assign them to. If the source is eponymous with the character, please still specify it! We don't like to doubt ourselves. If you don't do the second thing, we will not assign them myself and will, therefore, not make a poll.

2. You can submit OCs if you link a resource with information about them.

3. You can submit a character that already appeared, but with a different Fear.

4. Please limit yourself to 1-2 asks at a time (as in, wait until they get their polls then request more). This way the turnover time for each person will be smaller, and we'll have more fun!

The wonderful inspirations and the blogs I will humbly ask to promote me: @bracketsoffear @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula @sexiestpodcastcharacter @couldtheycatchkira @wouldtheybecomekira @couldtheydestroythering @can-they-beat-goku

You can check what polls have already run or look at the data in this spreadsheet:

Options that will appear on polls are under the cut!

The polls will assume that a character will by default have a relevant experience or otherwise be exposed to the Entities' existence. "No, there would be no reason for it to begin happening" will not be an option - what's the point and the fun of this blog then?

Yes, willingly: the character would embrace the possibility of getting some sick nightmare powers.

Yes, by coercion: they would go through with it, but only if threatened with a loved one's life or something along those lines.

Yes, by unawareness or conditioning: they wouldn't realize until it's too late or would be raised to be an avatar, unaware their way of existence is not normal.

No, they would decline/resist from the start: they have enough fortitude to not act on any of their changes and/or decline any offers of such changes.

No, they would go along but stop before the transformation: willingly or not, they would be on the right track but would stop before the point of no return.

Introduced on 07.02.24:

No, they would already be an avatar for another Fear: they would display another alignment long before the one discussed, with the choice between them unlikely to occur in one of the above ways or at all.

I don't know this character/See results: self-explanatory.

[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Please consider submitting your podcast blorbos to the following blogs:

@couldtheydestroythering

@couldtheysurviveasawtrap

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@couldtheycatchkira

@cantheykillmacbeth

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@canyourfavesurvivecastledracula

@can-they-beat-goku

@wouldtheybecomekira

Addition: @wouldtheybecomeafearavatar

Addition #2: @couldtheybeatcell

Addition #3: @couldtheywieldmjolnir

Addition #4: @can-they-lift-thors-hammer

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Addition #6: @would-hannibal-eat-them

Addition #7: @couldtheycatchkillerqueen

@can-they-do-a-rko

Make sure you read the rules for the blog(s) before submitting! I wanna read about your blorbos in situations!

[nabanna]

lord help us all I've been given a reason to think about Dracula novel/Drizzt series crossover

I love following canyourfavesurvivecastledracula (I especially love seeing characters I'm not familiar with on there) and they recently got an ask about my little guy Drizzt Do'Urden but didn't know all that much about him BUT YOU SEE (unfortunately for everyone who knows me in any way) this is a crossover of the two major fandoms that have become my entire personality in the past year or so! so as someone who's eagerly awaiting the return of Dracula Daily Season AND reading multiple of the Drizzt series books as we speak (simultaneously! help..) and considers him a blorbo to tenderly and lovingly put in the microwave to watch him dodge the radiation like an ant, I'm taking a crack at it because this looks like fun :D

Making my own post because this is purely to be enrichment in my enclosure and also it's.. gotten So So Very Long.. also pouring one out for my other account where I normally would post this sort of thing that I simply cannot log into anymore for mysterious and unknown reasons. (Literally it's still like There and I can See It but trying to log in takes me to 'make a new blog' pages and... wait I'm silly I think I know why. the email died. no idea how to get back in without the email.)

ANYWAY

To the thought experiment:

Could Drizzt Do'Urden Survive Castle Dracula?

Short answer: Yes, it's not a fun time for him, he saves the baby though!

Long answer:

Using the blog's stated general criteria...

Overall approach to the supernatural:

Is an elf, knows what a vampire is, however D&D vampires work differently from Dracula vampires so he would not have all the information on that front if it came to a confrontation. (Knowing the Drizzt books, it would definitely come to at least one fight or at least a tense chase sequence.)

Also depends on how quickly he clocked that this is, in fact, a vampire, and whether Dracula could catch on to him catching on and spin things in a way that kept Drizzt relatively chill OR decide it's time to strike (which he could probably escape) (though now I'm thinking about Vampire!Drizzt....... no no I shouldn't.... unless.....)

The presence of Guenhwyvar (constellation panther BFF my beloved) would afford him some protection other than Dracula's whims, and companionship which is Very Important as he has been known to go feral without sufficient friendship.

Probably takes all the local superstitions very seriously because where he comes from if someone's like "there are ghosts that come out on certain days" and "there are monsters in these woods" they mean it very Very literally.

Dracula's general inhuman behaviors he could take in stride and adapt to pretty well I think, he's known a lot of really eccentric people and is from Fantasy Zone, so the idea that Dracula isn't human wouldn't be scary or even all that weird. Vampire, yeah that's sus, but just non-human? you walk past a hundred non-humans on a single street in most cities where he's from. Many of the eccentricities might be explainable just by going "Ah, he seems to be some kind of wizard. Yeah that checks out." Doesn't seem to be sleeping on a normal schedule or at all? Drizzt does that too! Sees too well in the dark/doesn't seem to use lights much? Darkvision and light sensitivity, same! Moves inhumanly fast? A little concerning but why not. Tells stories from centuries ago as if he was there? Elves do that all the time and it's because they were, in fact, there. (Also some human wizards do all of that too, just because.)

Now because things work differently between these two settings I'm not sure how much his general familiarity with things in the Forgotten Realms would help him here, like he's taking it all in stride but does he know how to protect himself against a Dracula-type vampire? Does he know magic is so incredibly rare and (apparently) usually evil or does he think this is just an unusually magic-less region?

Whether they would accept the crucifix from the old lady:

He is a polite young man so yes of course he would, and because the lady doesn't know what a drow (or an elf?) is, she probably wouldn't think "evil!!!" like most of the common folk in the Realms do, so much as "weird-looking (yet androgynously beautiful) young man" or depending on the local superstitions may assume he's some sort of fey being? or just like, really exceptionally foreign foreigner.

Assuming she still offers it, he would accept it despite not knowing what sort of deity it's for, because he recognizes it's a token of goodwill and he loves expressions of goodwill. Would definitely go and write about it in his little diary to both wonder what she's so afraid of/what sort of protection it affords, and also gush about the kindness and possibly whether this expands or aligns with his current understanding of morality.

This plus the other Superstitious Behaviors would clue him in that something's up so he'd be going in with that knowledge, prepared to figure out what's going on and what the villagers are so afraid of.

Whether they would go exploring after being told not to:

100% and he might even be stealthy enough to mostly get away with it!

Demonstrably does not like being restricted, only went along with this stuff when he was younger because the indoctrination ensured that he literally had no idea there was any other option (also his dad sparred with him daily to get his energy out so his zoomies were managed)

If Dracula really truly wanted to discourage him from any particular places he might just need to come up with an explanation, but he might also be entertained enough by Drizzt's sneaking and snooping to let him roam and see where it goes. Drizzt is better at stealth than Jonathan but they have different flavors of wet cat charm which Dracula may want to handle differently.

Depending on how you read the scene with the vampire ladies trying to "kiss" Jonathan, like how much of it was vampire charm making him feel kinda into it or potentially more of a paralysis situation, it could go differently just because Drizzt may or may not be able to break out and run away very fast, or just kinda endure it while feeling Really Bad And Gross about the sexual overtones. (Based on instances such as him resisting drugs and exiting the room as fast as possible when a priestess was coming onto him, and going feral to push through a paralyzing poison to prevent an assault on another person.) (I read him as incredibly demisexual and he demonstrates being sex-repulsed to everyone outside of the very short list of people he's actively very close friends with and attracted to.) (His feral side has been known to come out in these types of situations but not all of them and it wouldn't necessarily always work either.)

The girlies would not put him off of exploring for very long but he would likely be trying to avoid all possible run-ins with them from that point forward. Unfortunately for him he is a tasty little guy and I think the girlies would actively mess with him against Dracula's orders, perhaps in part because he's an elf and they find that interesting and engaging. Enrichment for their enclosure! Horrible time for Drizzt. Exactly the way the vampire squad likes it!

Verdict: He has a bad time but he's gotta run around he has the zoomies. Dracula could possibly prevent this, if he wanted to prevent it, by letting him into a training yard of some kind so he can get out his energy.

Ability to manage the whims of a Rich Jerk / hold Dracula's interest:

This one is harder and probably depends on the circumstances of him going to the castle, like what his goal there is, and around what point in the timeline he's at. I haven't gotten through all 30-something books just yet but my answer is Probably?

Just the fact of him being an elf and having some innate magic abilities could possibly be enough for Dracula to find him interesting enough to keep around. He's not a wizard and his innate spells are mostly harmless, more battlefield management than anything, so he's not magically a particularly powerful threat to Dracula, just decently interesting. He could also go on about how magic works where he's from, though going on too much about his inherent drow magic would make him uncomfortable (which Dracula would probably like) and especially like, if he got into the ins and outs of Menzoberranzan specifically.

He would definitely bring out the active listening skills for Dracula's history and war stories. Might want to get examples of any particularly interesting fighting maneuvers. I wonder if Dracula would indulge him in a spar or let him practice? The castle must have a training yard somewhere, but would he let Drizzt keep his weapons/borrow some?

Usually good enough at reading the room to determine when is or is not a good time for the scimitars and the panther (combat mode) to come out.

Not the most charismatic, but insightful and clever. (autism-ass elf. elftism.......)

Raised in a very controlling environment with a strict social hierarchy where he was simultaneously part of a high-ranking noble family but also as far down the social ladder as he could be otherwise (male, youngest child, was supposed to be assigned spell component at birth, doesn't like conforming) so, again, he wouldn't like it but he could probably manage it.

Partly depends on how much effort Dracula is willing to put in to make the Friendship believable and keep Drizzt in the dark, or if he's interesting enough to more carefully balance a web of manipulation around.

I'm gonna say this point gets a Yes

Assuming he realized the vampires are Bad but too dangerous to 2v4, he would be so uncomfortable for most of it but is also funky enough that Dracula would probably find his discomfort and weird-but-trying-to-be-so-polite mannerisms entertaining. Dracula would decide this is his blorbo now. I may be biased but this is tumblr so actually Dracula himself said all of this to me personally in DMs.

Facility for climbing without gear (free soloing):

Lizard fashion? Spider fashion...

He Is On The Walls

Multiple points in the books involve him sneaking around places by climbing on walls and I believe elves are canonically, in general, weirdly good at parkour. So yeah!

Whether they would choose to risk being eaten by vampires over the certain death of being eaten by wolves:

IF he has weapons, the wolves aren't really certain death because he is a whirling tornado of death, I am so sorry wolves. If not then he might be able to parkour out of their way? He probably wouldn't want to fight the wolves though, because he is a disney princess nature lover and would rather free them from Dracula's control if possible.

Depending on how much he could figure out about how vampires work here, he may have some ideas for how to turn a fight against them to his advantage or otherwise.

Wait, this happens after the baby incident, right? If so then he's not getting to this point plot-wise, though he might have come back to try fighting the vampires after saving the baby, and depending on how he's doing that, he might still have to contend with the wolves at some point.

Decision: Doesn't want to go against the wolves at any point, but if necessary, he can out-parkour them.

General analysis from Me:

Main counts on the original post are accurate! He accepts the cross, survives the social situations as long as necessary, and escapes with the baby to give it back to the villagers upset but otherwise intact.

As soon as he realized the vampires were menacing the locals to any extent, he would decide to figure out a way to free the area of their evil. Unfortunately the best way for him to figure out anything about the vampires is to stay in close quarters with them for a little while. He has been known to pretend to side with an enemy to gain information or an advantage in a fight, but I'm not sure how long he could keep it up.

Dracula might string him along with Friendship (Drizzt loves friendship so much if he doesn't have friendship he will explode) but he would have to get his baby-eating roommates to play along and behave or else they could easily freak the guy out too much for it to remain believable.

Either way, Drizzt is not staying in that castle beyond the point of another person (the baby) being put in danger. There's at least one point in the books where he's protecting a baby while fighting some enemies and he always puts the baby's safety first. Also Guen can respawn, so if it's absolutely necessary to, she can get taken to 0 HP distracting the vampires while Drizzt improvises some way to get out of there with the baby intact.

That's as far as "survive Castle Dracula" usually goes because well he got out of the castle alive but now I am also thinking about possible plot beyond that point...

First of all the villagers?? Assuming they saw him as Really Weird Foreigner or perhaps some sort of fair folk rather than Literal Demon Spawn the worst they'd do is probably be very tense and silent after taking the baby back and let him leave uncontested without welcoming him in. Best case scenario is some or all of them, or at least the baby's mother, being grateful enough to help him out a little. But like what's he gonna Do after that? (Also if the villagers think he's some sort of fey guy then would they think there's something up with the baby now...)

I mean he knows there's baby-eating vampires in that castle now and he's very against the idea of leaving baby-eating vampires around. Even if he can't 2v4 all of them plus their minions he'd wanna do something about that. (2v4 rather than 1v4 because Guen counts as one) Would he try to gather allies to assault the castle? If he learned that there's times when he can expect them all to be asleep in their coffins would he try to just go back in and stab them in their coffin-sleep? Would he leave the area if he knows the local people are still in danger or would he reason that he needs to find help and come back?

(Also raising to myself the question of whether this is "specifically only Drizzt has been isekai'd into the novel Dracula" or if there's perhaps a little more crossover type setting blending, or if others from the Realms are in there, is Elminster around I know he's canonically been to Real Life Earth, would Van Helsing have some kind of tangent about how this has allegedly happened before, there's an implication that vampires aren't even Van Helsing's favorite cryptid what if d&d type elves are actually higher on that list and he knows all about them, is it even possible to put something resembling the plot and characters of Dracula into a D&D setting, what if I could make a Domain of Dread out of this–)

No matter what happened, Drizzt would be writing SO many diary entries which is perhaps the true main reason why he would survive, he's got that journaling and diary-keeping swag just like my good friend Jonathan Harker

(This is all assuming he has Guen because if he didn't have Guen he would wilt away of the Miseries. Might un-wilt specifically to save the baby and then re-wilt as soon as he remembered there's no kitty.)

[rowenabean]

remembered @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula today and it is an excellent time (props to OP this is a part time job at this point)

[businesstiramisu]

@canyourfavesurvivecastledracula -- I'm trying out the "argue at you" approach. tagging you b/c you don't have submissions open and I think this long enough to be an annoying ask. I don't think you know or care about this character, but *I* do, so here's my argument :P

Can Alphonse Elric survive Castle Dracula?

[the answer depends a LOT on which part of which canon we're using, but we're going to go vaguely with "middle part". That is to say, armor]

Al has one HUGE advantage against Dracula, which is that he has no corporeal human body (for now). He's not completely free of blood though -- if Dracula learns about the blood seal tethering his soul to this mortal plane, I fully believe he's learned enough Dark Magicks at Scholomance to fuck it up. So the question is, would he find out? Al is usually pretty good at hiding it… unless he just decides to tell people. So it depends on how their dynamic plays out.

Al would accept the crucifix from the townsfolk, and listen to their other advice. Even if he doesn't believe them, he's a polite boy, and you never know what information might be useful! Maybe their folktales have clues about the Philosopher's Stone, you never know. (Also in one version of canon he can understand German, so let's say language barriers aren't an issue.)

Dracula is bemused when an alchemist in full plate armor turns up asking to see his library instead of the solicitor he requested. Alchemists? He hasn't run into any of those in a while. But hey, the lawyer's not here yet, he's got time to fuck with this guy and have an extra snack.

The shaving incident wouldn't happen obviously, but Dracula might realize something is amiss because Al doesn't sleep. Or will he? Does Dracula pay enough attention to know when normal humans should be sleeping and Al isn't? If so, he will probably investigate, push boundaries, or stage a confrontation until he finds out Al's deal, and then he will be PISSED. No lawyer, and now no snack! This is bullshit! From here on out, it's WAR. If not, then...

If Al realizes this is a kidnapping and not a library loan, he will play along. He might not even mind. He's been kidnapped before, and it always worked out fine. Dracula might be more creepy and threatening than his other kidnappers, but Al's dealt with a wide variety of creepy and threatening in his quest, I just don't think he'd be fazed. And he is, as already mentioned, a polite person who would want to be a respectful guest! Hmm kinda creepy that he just implied I'll never leave this place alive... oh well! Nice table setting, sir, compliments to your staff.

Being a respectful guest might not extend to staying in his room as instructed; he's a curious guy and only a stickler for the rules compared to his brother. The girlies aren't a problem for him, because he's still wearing the crucifix, but they might clue him in that Something Is Wrong and lead to Al himself forcing a confrontation with Dracula.

But even if everything goes smoothly, Al would eventually get bored with Dracula's library (if there was anything useful about the Philosopher's Stone in there, Dracula wouldn't be a vampire). At some point, Al would decide this kidnapping is over, and he would provoke the confrontation in trying to leave.

I haven't written any reason for Al to tell Dracula about his fatal weakness, so I'm gonna say Dracula can't actually do much to Al; but unfortunately I don't think Al can harm Dracula either. I don't actually remember what allowed Jonathan to hit him with a shovel but I think it involved special circumstances that do not apply to Al. However, Dracula also can't prevent Al from leaving -- neither thousand foot cliffs nor wolves are much of an obstacle to him. (Well actually, if you physically overpower him and take the armor apart, he can't walk away -- but people almost never think of that, and Dracula probably won't either.)

Which is all to say that Alphonse can survive Castle Dracula, but he probably won't have as much useful intel as Jonathan did. Mind you, he took notes! He just didn't get personal experience with as many of Dracula's powers.

And of course, his goal after this is to track down his brother -- if anyone can figure out how to kill a vampire it's Ed. Where the fuck did he get to, anyways? He'd better not be stranded in Weimar Germany. Al can absolutely walk to Munich from here, but waiting around 25-30 years for Ed to turn up would be a drag.

[solo-by-choice]

alright, so would my fave survive castle Dracula? For the sake of @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula I'm doing Josh Lyman from The West Wing myself. Although I've only seen the show once and am not super... sure of my ability to remember enough minutiae to do this but I'm trying anywayyy

uh, no. He'd die. lol.

He wouldn't take the crucifix. He's not a superstitious person for the most part so I think he'd just find everyone freaking out about him going to the castle to be ridiculous. He's also Jewish. If he did take the crucifix, it would be to get the lady to stop bothering him and then he certainly wouldn't wear it.

He is technically a lawyer. I guess. He doesn't practice law, though, and I don't think he ever has. I suppose he could, but you know what let's not get into this because then I'll start questioning what an American from the late 90s/early naughts is doing in this story... (If Josh were from 1897 I suppose he'd be from Europe in the first place, but not England, and I'm having trouble imagining Dracula going to all this trouble to move to idk Poland or whatever.)

anyway

So maybe Josh doesn't make it past the shaving scene.

If he does, I think he might be able to keep alive for a while. He's good at talking; he could keep Dracula entertained as a conversation partner. The biggest issue might be his documented inability to be civil with people he doesn't like. He might be better at faking it with someone who has a (metaphorical) gun to his head, but we have no data on that kind of situation.

I doubt he'd put up with Dracula's weird touchy-feely habits. I'm not sure what he'd do about it, but I just don't think he'd be as fun to toy with as poor Jonathan because he wouldn't have Victorian manners preventing him from calling Dracula's behavior out. Which of course means Dracula won't put up with him as long.

If anyone's expecting him home on time, it's Donna. And presumably his boss is either Leo or Bartlett. (Sorry I'm thinking too much about transposing the cast of west wing into Dracula rather than assuming everything is the same in Josh's life which I think is how you're supposed to do this. So whyy is the deputy white house chief of staff bringing real estate paperwork to a count in Romania? oh nvm) Unfortunately I'm betting none of these people know shorthand, so Josh can't try and send them secret messages.

I do think Donna would recognize any letter that wasn't written in Josh's voice, but what good would that do them?

Does Josh get eaten by the Girlies? I guess the real question is whether Dracula saves him. I don't think Dracula would find Josh as fun a plaything as he did Jonathan. By this point Josh has probably started loudly demanding to be allowed to leave, is climbing the walls in boredom in every way but literally and has read every English book Dracula owns and taught himself basic Romanian. Josh's no genius, but he's smart and has the energy level of a working dog. He needs enrichment! Anyway Dracula probably thinks he's really annoying and maybe he lets his roommates bite him.

Unfortunately for him, Vampire!Josh is also annoying. But if they could get past that, Josh could do a great job running Dracula's take-over of his new country. Wants to be the guy the guy relies on, after all. America won't know what's hit it.

[strange-destinations]

....I need you to break down which Game of Rassilon characters would survive Dracula now please.

ah fuck okay, here we go. going by @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula's set of critera at the top of the blog...

Riley!Doctor - Wouldn't take the crucifix because she's already got several spare ones in her pockets, somewhere, maybe, she'll go looking for them later. Of course she's sneaking around and getting nosy. It's what she does. Holds Dracula's attention well enough until he says something really blatantly evil, and then she promptly snaps and ruins everything and turns the whole deal into a survival horror game. Finds a rusting sword somewhere and beats the three vampire gfs back with it. Uses her scarf to rappel her way down the side of the castle, and uses a combination of Venusian Akido and clever sonic screwdriver technobabble to disrupt the vampiric influence on the wolves. She's the Doctor. She'll be fine.

Millie - the real-life Amelia Earhart was somewhat religious, so I can easily see her taking the crucifix if offered. Talking and climbing aren't what's going to save her here. Her greatest strength is piloting and repurposing things. In the absense of a plane or spaceship, she might very well hijack the carriage Dracula drove in on. 50/50 chance of her managing to pull this off.

Travis Killian - Travis's greatest strength lies in his ability to fuck with technology, and unfortunately castle Dracula is not wi-fi enabled. He's genre-savvy enough and probably knows enough vampire lore to get a good grasp on what's going on, but that's not going to save him. I don't doubt his ability to survive a few terrifying conversations with the Count, but I do doubt his ability to climb down a ladder, let alone a massive castle wall. Probably going to die without assistance, let's hope he asks for help.

Roman - Roman would try to shoot Dracula several times and miss, every time; but that only happens at the climax of this little disaster. Vampires and Time Lords are natural enemies, so he'd have a pretty good idea what's going on from the start. Being left in a creepy old building owned by a malicious entity that wants him to suffer and lose his mind is kind of already Roman's thing, so he gets bonus points for that. Roman can absolutely talk his way around Dracula and in fact I'd pay actual money to see those conversations. When things inevitably go to shit and he has to run like hell, the aforementioned bad Marksman score kicks in. He fails to even so much as wound Dracula, and probably isn't remotely equipped to climb down the castle walls. The wolves probably get him. Sorry, Roman. He dies, but don't worry, it's all part of the plan.

Carrie Vu - after ascertaining that someone really weird is going on in the town, would turn up at Castle Dracula's front doors and offer him girl scout cookies that she doesn't own in order to sneak in and snoop around. Dracula would not be fooled but would let her in anyway. Every conversation between Carrie and Dracula is the equivalent of getting beat around the head with a rubber chicken. There's no way to predict how any of this will go. Dracula is too bemused and off-balance to contemplate killing her at first. Gets very very offended when he calls her iPhone a foul bauble of man's vanity. Would manage to get at least one good whack in with her baseball bat. The vampire GFs do eventually get her and things look hopeless, but the Corsair swings in at the last moment to rescue her, and the resulting scene is like something off the front cover of a horny romance novel.

Dan!Doctor - Would take the crucifix, insist on paying or giving something back, comedic 5-minute sequence of him pulling random currency and bizarre items out of his pockets. Solemnly promises to do something about the babies getting stolen and eaten, and this is his entire life goal for the next few weeks. Probably manages Dracula marginally better than Riley!Doctor, can keep up and hold a conversation while carefully plotting his exit route. Locates every coffin and regretfully destroys them. Very thoroughly makes sure that no part of Dracula's cunning real estate plan will ever come to pass. Escapes Castle Dracula by jumping out a window because climbing is too slow. He's good at falling off things, he'll be fine probably.

Lita Fane - Lita's wary enough that I have serious doubts she'd even go up to the castle in the first place unless coerced or forced into it. She feels much more like the person to stay down in the town and try to help the people living there. Assuming she has to go to the castle anyway - I don't know if the crucifix would be even recognizable to her as an important item, so she'd probably just be really confused about it, might take it just to be polite. Engineering skills aren't really helpful to her here. I don't think she'd be great at talking to the Count, either. Dracula sets off every red flag possible for her - Lita's having a bad time. It doesn't feel like she'd be an especially great climber, either. Lita's a survivor, but probably not in this case. Vampires were never really the thing she learned how to survive.

Stanley Campbell - Oh, god. Sorry, but there's just no way Stanley would notice that Dracula is even remotely a vampire until it's way WAY too late. 50/50 on him taking the crucifix but I'm thinking maaaybe not. He'd probably end up wandering. Dracula would lose interest in his tangents very very fast. He ain't climbing his way out, with OR without crocs. One way or another, he's not moseying his way out of this one.

bonus: Joseph!Doctor - a stick is just a stake that hasn't been sharpened yet. Dracula's going down.

[underagoldenmoon]

COULD THE UNDER A GOLDEN MOON PROTAGONISTS SURVIVE CASTLE DRACULA? 

(inspired by Tumblr user @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula)

HAZEL: 

So first things first, we need to de-ghostify Hazel, because ghosts Do Not Have Blood. And blood is. Kind of Dracula's thing. Plus she can't die as a ghost except under certain circumstances :)

So yeah that's Happening. 

So Hazel would probably accept the crucifix, but that doesn't matter so much; she doesn't carry a mirror so she wouldn't die shaving. 

She knows that ghosts exist (she is one. Well, was for the purposes of this. No I'm not explaining how she comes back to life, this isn't canon.) I'm not sure that she'd know what vampires are, but from the start she's seeing clues that Dracula is Not A Normal Human Being. 

She had to become a people-pleaser while she was alive to keep herself safe. So she's mainly fine on the Not Annoying A Rich Jerk front. 

I'm assuming that the characters aren't aware of who Dracula is beforehand, and similar to Jonathan Harker they initially assume he's just a normal guy. So she has no reason to bring a weapon. She doesn't own one anyway (Starry is the only one who does. Unless you include Golden's whittling knife). 

The second she's told not to explore, she gets suspicious. She assumes that Dracula has a Dark Secret. At this point she starts trying to imply about how she used to be a ghost because she doesn't realise it's an Evil Dark Secret she thinks it's a Cool Dark Secret (not a Sexy Dark Secret because she is a lesbian). But as time goes on, she realises that Dracula is not to be trusted. 

She's had to learn to be stealthy; there are cats who hunt ghosts. So she won't necessarily get caught. 

She's choosing the castle over the wolves if it comes to that. All of them are, really. They're teenagers they're too young to die /hj

If she happens to be Romantically Staring Out of the Window™ while Dracula is climbing, she does get curious. "Curiosity killed the cat" type situation - but actually, this convinces her that Dracula really is dangerous. 

She might try to mislead him with a few lies about England once she realises this; she's been trustworthy up to this point, since she knows her way around well, but Dracula might be able to tell. In which case she's dead. 

But if she doesn't try to be too clever and doesn't get too obvious in her attempts to drop hints that she's a ghost, Hazel would survive Castle Dracula. 

GOLDEN: 

Golden, too, would take the crucifix. Ze reads a lot of fantasy stories. Never ignore the strange old woman's warnings. 

Let's be honest – ze is not going to put up with being forced to stay up all night. Ze needs a regular sleep schedule, and ze would rather die than have hir circadian rhythm messed around with. 

Also, hir instincts are pretty good – ze's going to work out that there is something going on. 

Unfortunately, this does not help hir. 

Ze is not going to put up with any jerk for long, let alone a rich one. 

And ze's wanted to try lock-picking for a while… and all these locked doors are so tempting…

You'd think that the fact that ze reads a lot would save hir. But no. Ze's clever, but ze has no common sense. Negative amounts, really. If ze's lucky and works out Dracula's a vampire, even that won't save hir. 

Because ze died picking that lock to try to get into the room. 

Sorry. 

Golden would not survive Castle Dracula. 

MOON: 

Honestly, I think Moon is the protagonist who would last the longest if they were all to die at any point. Golden dies after being caught lock-picking, Hazel (if she dies) is too clever for her own good, and Starry… well, you'll see. 

Moon would accept the crucifix out of awkwardness if nothing else. Because how do you turn it down without making it a thing? That doesn't really matter – he's not going to shave anyway, he's a cat. But still. 

He trusts Dracula at first – why wouldn't he? 

He works out, as time goes on, that there's something dodgy about Dracula, and since he's been raised to distrust ghosts and gods, he's going to Panic. Like when Jonathan was just. Running around the castle. He would do exactly that. 

He would avoid doing anything to anger Dracula once he realised there was something weird – he's used to the idea of supernatural creatures that can destroy you if you look at them the wrong way, though he hasn't met one. Yet :)

He would probably try to help Dracula – the idea of tricking him would occur, but he'd decide against it. He knows some supernatural creatures can tell if you're lying. He's not going to risk it. 

He spends a lot of time staring out of the windows, so he sees Dracula climbing the walls. At this point he is certain that there's something going on. 

But don't worry – he has a plan. 

A terrible one. 

He tries to climb out of the Castle. And he nearly makes it. 

He's bested Dracula, he's escaping, he's –

Fallen off a cliff to his death. Sorry. 

Moon could not survive.

STARRY: 

I think that Starry was the hardest to get an idea on. She's the newest protagonist, so she's not been floating around in my brain for… two to three years, I think? I think I started version one in 2021. Certainly during Covid lockdown.

Good grief. 

Anyway, Starry takes the crucifix because she knows by now that if there are rumours about strange things, it's better to be safe than sorry. She decides pretty early on that he's a ghost, which makes her distrust him. She doesn't like ghosts. 

She does everything perfectly most of the time she's there. She's learned to act; she's had to. 

She does nearly break when Dracula takes her stuff. After all, how will she live without her knife? 

But she manages to control herself. 

She's doing well; Dracula doesn't suspect. She makes sure to follow his rules whenever there's the slightest shadow of a chance that she could be discovered. But she quietly rebels, too. 

Then she decides she's had enough and tries to fistfight him. 

Life hack: do not fistfight a vampire. It will not end well. 

Starry would not survive.

And I can't work out how to draw this so. Uh. Sorry about that.

[thethirdromana]

Would Leela, Romana, Narving and Brax survive Castle Dracula?

I don't know if answering this constitutes stepping on @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula's toes or relieving some of the pressure on their askbox. Hopefully the latter.

I'm afraid I haven't read or listened to any of the relevant media for Narvin or Brax, though, so I'm going to have to pass on them.

Leela: look, I'm afraid that characters who shoot [Janis thorns] first and ask questions later do not do well in Castle Dracula, and I fear that Leela is no exception.

She'd start off well! Leela is open-minded to the supernatural, and would definitely take the crucifix, quite possibly understanding it as magic that will protect her against monsters. She'd listen to the concerns of the innkeeper and the people sharing the carriage with her. She might realise the danger that she'd be facing in going to the castle.

And then she'd go anyway, because she's a warrior of the Sevateem and that's what they do. After that, I think it would only be a matter of time before she attacked Dracula, and that is not a fight that she would be able to win.

Leela cannot survive Castle Dracula.

Romana: ... you know, I last watched State of Decay 12 years ago and I think that's going to put me at something of a disadvantage in answering this. Oh well, let's try anyway.

She's taking the crucifix out of politeness, but I don't know if she would be as committed to continuing to wear it. She would be well aware that Something Is Wrong Here (that goes for all Doctor Who companions, tbh), and like Leela she thinks she's equal to it. Unlike Leela she might be right.

I think Dracula would find Romana fascinating, and she would be both willing and able to play along, at least for a while. He is definitely not going to let the Girlies have her, and is probably keen to make her Girlie #4. And obviously she can climb, explore, pick locks, swing shovels and all the rest of it.

Honestly where I'm torn is this: would Romana take the opportunity to escape? Or would she try to continue the cat-and-mouse game until Dracula let more information slip - or until he turned her? It looks like she does need help to escape in State of Decay.

I think Romana can survive Castle Dracula, if survival is her focus. But not if she tries to defeat Dracula on her own.

[eilooxara]

Could Baru Cormorant survive Castle Dracula?

(inspired by @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula but I hear their inbox is rather full, and I bet they haven't read the Masquerade books, given they don't know tlt)

Points in Baru's favor:

- Would politely accept a crucifix from an old lady due to a fascination with the concept of religion.

- Might ask an annoying number of questions from the locals and enter knowing about Dracula being a vampire, although the language barrier and time constraints might prevent this

- She went cliff diving as a child. Climbing is no problem.

- No need to shave, no mirror-based killing

- Can keep a Rich Jerk entertained with a relentless stream of questions and incisive discussions

Points against Baru:

- She would absolutely fall for Dracula's bullshit. Even if she knows he's a vampire, she'd try to use that for her own advantage. She's desperate to learn secret knowledge and gain power and it would be easy for Dracula to convince her he can help.

- Even if she doesn't get taken in by Dracula, as soon as she meets The Girlies she's a goner due to her relentlessly inadvisable lesbianism

I think that settles it. Baru Cormorant cannot survive Castle Dracula.

[theevilcactus]

Would any Fear Street (1994) characters survive Dracula?

Inspired by @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula, but not wanting to overload their ask box any more than it already is (especially with characters they probably don’t know), I decided to analyze some of the Fear Street characters’ chances myself.

Deena:

Deena would say something rude and snarky to Dracula on the first night, and she’d be dead within two days. She wouldn’t accept the crucifix in the beginning either, but it wouldn’t matter, because she wouldn’t even make it to the point where she would need it. If, somehow, she manages to avoid pissing him off to the extent that he immediately kills her, she still dies because (when she eventually figures out how much danger she’s in) she tries to confront him directly instead of making a secret escape attempt. She’s got guts, but not a lot of patience, so she wouldn’t be willing to play the politeness game with Dracula, and it would cost her.

Josh:

Josh would be the first to figure out that Dracula is a vampire. He would accept the crucifix (although probably not wear it) out of politeness, and it would come in handy later when he puts the pieces together about vampirism and has a handy crucifix in his bag to help him out. If it was just Josh v Dracula, he could probably make it. He would explore when told not to, of course, because his curiosity about supernatural happenings is insatiable. However, he would be successfully lured and eaten by the girlies, and even if he somehow managed to get past that part, I just don’t think he has the physicality needed for the eventual escape.

Sam:

Out of everybody from 1994, I think Sam has the best chance of making it. She’s relatively friendly and polite (unlike a lot of other characters in that movie, who are just dicks) so she wouldn’t anger Dracula to the point of murder. As seen in the movie, she’s perfectly capable of playing nice with people she doesn’t actually like that much (see: her comp-het relationship with asshole Peter) so I think she could successfully be polite enough to Dracula that he keeps her around for a while before he’s ready to kill her, like Jonathan in Dracula canon.

She’d have been polite enough to accept the crucifix, and probably to actually wear it, so she’s good on that front. She’s smart enough to figure out what’s going on, or at least the bare bones of it, even if she doesn’t know all the details. She might be tempted by the brides, but I think that scene would go similarly to canon, where Dracula swoops in to save her and then she avoids the girlies from that point forward.

In fact, I think most of her time in Dracula’s castle goes the same as Jonathan’s. Maybe not the specific details, but the broad strokes would be the same. The only question is, would she have the physicality to scale the walls in that final escape? She’s a cheerleader, so we know she’s reasonably fit, but we’ve never seen her trying to climb. I think it could go either way. I’d give Sam a 40% chance of surviving, which is still far better than anyone else from that movie.

Kate and/or Simon: Kate refuses the crucifix, Simon accepts it but loses it somewhere along the way. Neither is polite or deferential enough for Dracula to decide to play the long game. He goes for a little nibble sometime, discovers the wonders of hard drugs from their bloodstream, and has himself a feast.

[finchsflight]

The Carceridiots In Drac's Castle

So, I've been reading...(glances away from screen) definitely a normal amount of @canyourfavesurvivecastledracula's posts. A very normal amount. Therefore: here, have The Carceridiots (a trio of characters in the Forgotten Realms universe, all stuck in Carceri--not a campaign party just a story.). Under the readmore. Because. Uh. Blorbos From My Brain No One Knows About. that said please look at them I'm begging you, (fair warning this ended up. LONG.)

1. Rev(elation) Lochlara Low-wisdom reborn artificer who only pissed off the cult of Orcus a little bit when they were alive. Supposed to die; being a very, very good artificer, did not. Unfortunately for them the wizard that killed them stuck their corpse in Carceri so no one would find it and revive or talk to it. They woke up knowing very little and slowly remembering Hey I Know How To Do Artificing. Kind of a sarcastic feral bastard. The key thing with Rev (and all of them to be fair) is timing. If it's pre-Carceri versus post-Carcering but pre-partying up with Codex and Alister versus post-escaping Carceri everything's wildly different. That said I'm normal about them so let's just talk about all the options,

Pre-Carceri: Dracula is already dead. Kidding, kidding, but pre-death Rev (or, more accurately, Revelation) is a terrifyingly skilled artificer who Does Not Put Up With This and also, like, can recognize a vampire. They're from the Forgotten Realms. Revelation assumes Drac's working off normal D&D vampire rules but it doesn't actually end up mattering because even if the Daylight Glyph of Warding doesn't kill him a Catapult'd knife to the throat will. The traps on their door are enough to take out Strahd, Dracula's doomed. Or they just Planeshift themself out. Or they--you get the idea. Usually I try not to go 'ohh they're just So Scary dracula couldn't even touch them' but for Revelation that is unfortunately true. Revelation, Terrifying Reclusive Artificer, can survive Castle Dracula.

Post-getting dumped into Carceri but pre-meeting the other idiots: honestly it's a tossup. Overall supernatural belivingness is the same as everyone else's and I'm not gonna keep mentioning it--they're from the Forgotten Realms. Takes the crucifix, not because they're polite but because they hoard things with a vengeance and on account of the amnesia have no idea if it's important or not but like they're pretty sure gods are real. On account of how people keep trying to smite them. That said it doesn't really matter because they don't shave. Scheherazadeing Dracula's a tossup also--the actual answer is funny, I think, which is that Rev can keep Drac's attention as long as they don't realize they need to. Unlike Revelation they can't immediately recognize a vampire (and, like, so what if the dude doesn't breathe! Rev doesn't either!) and while I think their knowledge of artifice, general talkativeness, and also maybe being a little dead is enough to keep Drac entertained for a while I do think their genuine sarcastic bastardness might win out and get them killed. Also, if they realize they need to be keeping Drac entertained, they're screwed because they're not as charismatic as they think they are. 100% goes exploring. Quite possibly dies there also. Gets salty about Drac stealing their Favorite Gun. Goes through a lot of the rest like they're Jonathan; almost gets killed a few times, doesn't hit Drac with a shovel but does shoot him, possibly dies from just Not Being Fun Enough. In general, is probably okay about most of the weirdness especially since they don't actually have moving blood, but, they don't make it out for a major reason--they have a tasty 8 strength and Cannot Climb to save their life. Literally. They fall off the wall and to their death*. *hypothetically if the dice rolled very very nicely and they succeeded on their death saves they could live but they'd get eaten by wolves probably and 1000 feet fall damage is probably enough to instakill a low-level artificer, which means that Rev, Weird Dude In Carceri Who Knows How Guns Work, cannot survive Castle Dracula.

Post-Escaping: Might be okay. Maybe. They're a much higher-level artificer and can probably just, like, cast Feather Fall. Might not take the crucifix, though--at this point they're salty about gods. That said they still do not shave. So it's fine. Still can't really Scheherazade that well, but they know more about artificing and have more cool stories to tell, so...it's probably okay. Ish. Has established some decent mind-control wards, so that helps. Still does not have blood. Still will not stop exploring, however they can cast Invisibility now. Unfortunately, the thing that saved them in Carceri might be their undoing--after everything, they're really codependent with Alister and Codex. So the loneliness sucks. But, who knows! Maybe Drac doesn't steal their Sending Stones! (He does. Rev is sad.) All that said, Rev can cast a lot more stuff. And, like, cast Fly. Which helps a lot with the climbing part. It's also entirely possible that Codex or Alister teleports to Rev and gets them out. On the whole, I do think Rev, Weird Artificer Who Escaped Carceri, can survive Castle Dracula; however, they have a much worse time of it than Revelation, and it's almost certainly a close shave sometimes.

2. Alister Seacrest A once-very-good water genasi Oath of the Watchers paladin who fucked up so so bad and accidentally let the Far Realm in through his own cowardice, permanently making him weird and eldritch and also super duper breaking his oath and losing his powers. So so depressed and sad. Scary when he's motivated to actually not die; unfortunately that is rarely true.

Pre-Carceri: Honestly this is equally likely to be the thing that breaks his Watcher's Oath. He absolutely takes the crucifix (he is PREPARED! he is READY! he is going to be THE BEST PALADIN!), at this point in his life he has great charisma and is 100% able to Scheherazade his way through the Count, doesn't explore (or at least stealths decently well)... and then he runs into the whole baby situation, tries to fight because he is being a GOOD PALADIN DAMMIT and either wins (on account of how he was a pretty good paladin) or starts losing, panics, bolts, possibly breaks his oath, falls into despair, and dies. Or just gets severely slurped, because mmmm righteousness. If he somehow makes it through that (which he won't), the same thing happens with Dracula. In sort: Alister Seacrest, Warden of Reality, cannot survive Castle Dracula. Despite it being literally his job.

Pre-Partying-Up: Oh he's so dead. He is so dead. Unless Dracula forgets about him because he's just sitting around moping, he's so so dead. Does not take the crucifix, however he does not shave so it doesn't matter. Cannot keep Dracula entertained at all. Dracula asks about his past and he just has a breakdown. Doesn't go exploring but it doesn't matter Dracula's already killed him. Alister Seacrest, Sad Ex-Paladin, cannot survive Castle Dracula, and none of us should be surprised by this fact.

Post-Carceri: ...Maybe. Maybe. Look, he's still Severely Sad, but he's not as bad. Like Rev, pretty codependent. Still does not take the crucifix; still does not shave. He has a beard because he didn't shave for so much of Carceri and then he shaved it off because he was going 'well okay I'm gonna be okay now! I am cleaning up!' and then his face looked weird and he decided to just have a well-groomed beard instead. Probably also goes exploring, but probably doesn't get caught. Can't Scheherazade super well, but honestly, he probably makes up for that by just genuinely being a very interesting person. The baby incident does mean that he wants Dracula dead, but! He has grown as a person! And he knows he can't take down Dracula alone. So he bides his time, definitely gets hypnotized again and definitely is annoyed about it, and then yeets himself out the window at the first opportunity he has, climbs down the wall, and vanishes into the woods. He's got pretty solid Wisdom. The Jon-a-than is nothing, he could live in those woods. Wolves? Pffft, he lived in Carceri for years. This is fine. He fucks off and finds Rev and Codex to help him kill Dracula. So, honestly surprising me a tiny bit, Alister Seacrest, Kind Of Okay Dude, can survive Castle Dracula! He's gonna be reaaaaal sad though. Dracula took his favorite bow :(

3. Codex Nolastname Mildly terrifying warforged wizard-rogue situation. Pissed off a very powerful wizard by stealing an even more powerful artifact that essentially fused with her; can kind-of-sort-of command its power. Shakily. Has never put up with anyone's shit a day in her life, but occasionally does like people. Occasionally. Climbs walls constantly, to the frustration of everyone around her.

It is important that we note that Codex, as a robot, does not have blood. Moving on,

Pre-Carceri: The closest to a normal human we're sending in here, honestly. Probably is here to rob Dracula. Takes the crucifix 'cos it looks shiny and she can probably sell it to some theologist for a few gold; does not shave anyway so it doesn't matter. Why do none of my blorbos shave? Anyway. Obviously she explores--she's here for a heist! Might not even bother Scheherazadeing Dracula, which could get her killed--she doesn't have great charisma. But she is a very good thief, so...she might just be hiding in his walls for a month? I'm not sure. I don't think she eats food. Or drinks. Or needs to breathe. So...*shrug*. Either way, as a rogue who can cast Invisibility, her Stealth is through the roof. She finds the hoard, stuffs it in a bag of holding, and then bolts. At which point Dracula probably thinks she's already gone. I really thought she'd die, but no, her obscene Stealth modifier and propensity for a) being fully awake while she sleeps, b) never eating, drinking, or breathing, and c) climbing walls means that Codex, Crime Master, can survive Castle Dracula, probably.

Pre-Partying-Up: Similar to Pre-Carceri, but she's a worse wizard but also has terrible magics within her. Honestly things probably go similarly--if all else fails, Feather Fall and yeeting yourself out a convenient window always works, which means that Codex, Thief With Some Spooky Mechanisms, can also survive Castle Dracula, probably. Unless her spooky mechanism goes out of control and she explodes and dies! Which is possible.

Post-Escape: Honestly, she's even more well off--post escaping, Codex can actually control her Spooky Mechanism, which means in addition to obscene stealth modifiers, wizard magic, and not eating breathing drinking or being unaware while sleeping, she has terrible magics that archmages want stored away at least somewhat at her command. So she's probably fine, and can still survive Castle Dracula.

...Wow apparently I had thoughts about this. Cool. Go off, me. Now go actually write things instead of rambling about your blorbos.