#caterpillar chasing a butterfly lol

[yeehawpim]

thank you @winterflurry64 for the commission, it was fun to draw!!

[clownsuu]

what do you think of Howdy turning into a butterfly? I saw some fan art and thought it was an interesting idea lol

and i love your art! she is the first thing that appears when i wake up and open tumblr hehe

Funny Ngl LMAOO, I just feel like him turning into a butterfly would just make him more colorful and fruity- but I like the idea that he’s not really able to grow into a butterfly either due to a birth defect or just him not really reaching that point yet

though I don’t have the same ideas for emo Howdy-

cw a singular bug photo/heavy religious referencing/decently dark topic

Heavily based off of the Haploa clymene (Clymene moth), bein very fluffy yet unable to eat or speak anymore- he knows his fate and has tried every single season to resist pupating (and has successfully done so numerous times), however every year it gets harder and harder, becoming extremely mentally and physically taxing to his body. He knows he won’t be able to die from starvation due to being a puppet, but he still STAY starved and mute for the rest of his time if he transforms into a moth- so he tries his best to keep his glory days as a caterpillar, til one day he’s far too exhausted and tired to resist anymore and accept his fate. Also where tf did he get that outfit JDHFHHDDJ-

very much attracted to the light, if not careful, he could just randomly disappear one day trying to chase a light-

[illmetkismet]

for the character thing, the outsider?

🙏🙏🙏 thank you so much, and a please accept my preemptive apology for the essay this will probably become...

How I feel about this character: I was saving this one for last from the batch of asks I got for this game, because the Outsider is my specialest boy of all time 🥹 I played D1 and was like, 'oooh how fun and sexy, a mysterious Void god!' but then D2 happened with the whole Omelas-ass reveal and my brain melted like a caterpillar in its chrysalis into a soup of sadness and suffering from which the beautiful butterfly of my borderline-unhealthy obsession with the Outsider emerged. You can't just give me a character who's a metaphor for isolation, expulsion, and profound loneliness, and not expect me to pick him up and put him in my pocket forever. Do I project onto him? Over-identify, even? Yeah, shut up, so whaaaaaat? Aren't all of us trapped in a Void of our own, really? Who here hasn't been forever altered by the cruelty of others? And who among us isn't constantly sticking their fingers in the pie of life, poking around in there, hoping against hope to find some glimmer of goodness and hope and joy? Who isn't sick of all this shit and just wants to rest?? Ha ha as you can see I'm totally normal about him.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: Just Corvo. He fascinates the Outsider, he surprises him, he's the catalyst for the kind of moments the Outsider says he waits for (this is, crucially, a line you only get from him after the low chaos Burrows elimination). I think the Outsider's been searching for someone who won't disappoint him for such a long time, someone he could give a piece of himself to who won't turn around and do something terrible with it. Like.... Come on! That's it, for me. To love is to give yourself away a little bit, to be surprised when the person who receives that gift treats it with the seriousness and consideration it deserves. And that's Corvosider 🖤🖤🖤

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Billie's whole journey to find him, and the understanding she comes to about him means so much to me.... 100% they become friends post-DotO. Letting him live is her way of letting herself live, to put her past behind her and prove to herself, once and for all, that she's more than a killer. And for the Outsider, she's the one person who could best understand the truth of what he is, how he was made into what he is, because in a way she's had the same done to her. The world fucked them both over so hard and forced them into these untenable positions that caused them both so much pain.... Oh god I have to stop thinking about this. They're best bros for life, next question!

My unpopular opinion about this character: I definitely prefer D2 Outsider over D1. I know ppl were very invested into the whole whale god thing, but his human sacrifice backstory was what really did it for me. Plus I love the way Robin Lord Taylor voiced him - the Hollows speeches in DotO make me so fucking emotional... He does a great job of going from bitchy to breathily earnest, and the emotional whiplash that gives me is very fun. Plus the way he scrunches his nose a little sometimes! Aaaaaa D2 Outsider my favorite son!

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: Obviously I really really really wanted to see what he would get up to after he became human again, cause uh, I wrote a novel about it lol.... But one thing I really wanted to see, that I didn't even do myself, was for the Outsider to go meet Sokolov, finally, as a mortal. I think that would be such great closure for both of them: for Sokolov to see indisputable proof that the power he was chasing was terrible and cruel (something he realized for himself in his final years, but meeting the Outsider would have driven this home beautifully), and for the Outsider to conclusively put away his old fickle relationship with humanity. For both of them to see each other as human beings, to really understand how fucked up the way they related to each other was. I'd love that!

[indecisive-dizzy]

Hi bestie I’ve been obsessing over DearDollops so badly that I’ve forgotten about Howdy/Daisey (any ship name ideas for them? I can’t think of one :,3) so yay ideas

I feel like the first few times they hung out (before they caught feelings/knew each other well) Howdy was a bit dismissive of Daisey, but not willingly. He’s just like that in the beginning, but he warmed up to them

Howdy loves their guitar playing, he plays piano with Daisey when they have free time

If Howdy becomes a butterfly, Daisey definitely helps him adjust and gushes over how pretty he is. They definitely comfort him if he has complicated feelings over it

They totally help Lizzy with her hotel, Howdy gives her business/financial advice while Daisey helps decorate and add some plant life to the hotel’s exterior

Unrelated but Lizzy’s hotel is called the Butter-Bee Hotel :3

Daisey was really nervous to introduce themself to Howdy’s family during the holidays, but they all got along great :D

Howdy met Daisey’s family and they all liked him, besides a couple cousins (WHY ARE THEY ALL HATERS-)

Daisey beat them up so it’s okay 👍

Idk why but I could totally see Daisey sleeping in late and Howdy (who woke up an hour earlier) would happily and energetically burst into the room and say something like “Wake up, my little flower petal!” (Or something idk any nicknames :,)), and he’d blow an air horn to wake them up

It does but Daisey throws a pillow at him in annoyance

Daisey isn’t the biggest coffee fan, but they love when Howdy brings them coffee in the morning. He knows just how they like it and he doesn’t bother them about it or ask them to try it another way

Daisey totally has stuffed animals there and cuddles them when they sleep. Howdy will never admit it, but he purposely pushes them off the bed in the middle of the night so he can cuddle his partner

He doesn’t cook often, mainly just throwing things into a pot and cooking them like that, so Daisey helps by buying him cookbooks so he can learn some recipes that aren’t just pre-made stuff you heat up

They feeds the birds whenever they can. Birds live Howdy, Howdy tolerates birds, and birds chase Daisey around for sport. Daisey is a little scared of them but they’re friend-ish with birds

Daisey has a fire phobia, so they try to avoid big fires whenever they can. Howdy helps them get used to them by taking them camping and making s’mores with them. They’re at a reasonable distance and they get a nice little treat out of it

Sometimes when Daisey sleeps in, Howdy just carries them in one of his arms while he gets himself and his bodega ready. Sleepy spouse gets carried around like a teddy bear

Barnaby totally cracks jokes about it whenever he comes by the bodega and Howdy’s just carrying his spouse like that

Fluffy fur is perfect to bury your face in! 10/10 Daisey would definitely recommend

I’m so insane about them omg I love them

*cracks knuckles* Ow- I have little in terms of ship names, as I have been stumped! But I'll give what I got! plus bonuses hehe

FlowerShop or FloralShop

GardenSale

HowdyaDaisey (long, but based on Howdys full name)

CaterpillarFood (This is a Joke lol. Some caterpillars eat daisies, I thought it was funny)

Bonus: InStitches (unfortunately would fit Barnaby/Daisey better. but that ain't happening(?))

anywho! I think howdy is dismissive of everyone until he gets too know them more. like he's gotta put down the business (scammer) persona and see them as more than customer

Howdy playing piano is a hill I will die on <3 thank you I love the idea of them playing music together

Butter-Bee Hotel is an amazing name and sounds edible. I'm going to eat it <3

Howdy advertises the air horns but adds a warning label "Warning: May result in pillow to the face" lol

Jealous Howdy is funny especially over stuffies. Insert that meme "Me, my spouse, and their pile of various stuffed animals" ajfnahfhjfj

Buying Howdy a cookbook sounds cute, don't get me wrong, But this is Howdy Pillar. Howdyadoo (middle name pending) Pillar. He loves his spouse but he doesn't have the time of Day to be learning "from scratch" recipes. He thinks he's got it all figured out and doesn't need "some, lovingly gifted, book" to tell him how he should be eating his dinner.

He will then Turn his four legged ass around and cook Daisey a full course meal from the book. Because he's (a simp) got to prove that he Can cook.

cough- uh anyway birds! Why are they mean to Daisey? Howdy go shoo them away

Step 1: Carry Tiny Spouse. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit.

Alternatively

Step 1: Be Carried By Large Husband. Step 2: ??? Step 3: Profit.

Barnaby would joke and Howdy would have to shush him so he doesn't laugh to hard and wake Daisey up, if they aren't already.

[lunarcry]

anyway i was reading nene & ruis cards from this event ('only now?' yes.<3) but emus voice line at 34:48 always makes me ssooo emotional.......like the way its performed....the 'dakara'.....i tear up every time<//3 (tbh her entire part starting from 34:18...) also how they dont use the Actual happy face expressions for her, so its so clear that shes faking it. ough. something something about the times emu shoulders stuff herself (but also this is about the park and her brothers...also another line she has about not being sure if it was okay for her to try to keep her promise with her grandpa....

ANYWAY THATSB NOT THE POIINT HERE THE POINT WAS their card stories<3

first of all ichika lending nene an ear cuz she notices nene seems down...nene knowing she goes to the same school as emu & doesnt want to worry her, proceeds to go "uhhh someone i know has a friend.." to which ichika ALSO ends up going "my- no, someone i know..." T_TLOL i like nene & ichika a lot and seeing 1) nene talk about emu and how she does it 2) opening up to ichika about it......well "opening up" LOL

Nene: (She always says or does weird stuff, and gets everyone mixed into her antics... But I've enjoyed every minute of it so far... I want Emu to keep doing outrageous things with Tsukasa. I want her to keep concocting crazy ideas with Rui. And... I... I want her to laugh and smile like always...)

the expression the choose for this was unreal btw. so tender. her lil smile...

also rui knowing emu only knows 2 places in their school. nenes classroom and tsukasas classroom (rui's next to it). skull emoji

AS FOR RUIS...the way he immediately goes to the mascot(emus bodyguard) AKDJADBKJ HE RLY GOES STRAIGHT FOR THE PROBLEMSOLVING. they dont tell him anything but

Rui: In truth, I am incredibly thankful for Emu. Her determination to save the Wonder Stage and her will to not give up allowed me to meet the wonderful people I am with now. And we're able to put on shows that deliver smiles to countless people.

Rui: I... No, we, as WonderlandsxShowtime, want to keep putting on the best shows possible, together. Which is why if anything that would rob us of that opportunity were to arise, I will refuse to simply let it happen. And I will not let my friends be openly insulted either. Even if it's Emu's family we're dealing with.

unreal things to say knowing the current arc btw.

emu then proceeds to chase tsukasa with a caterpillar cuz "lets find out what kind of butterfly it turns into". tsukasa runs to nene. nene gets roped into it (does not want the bug near her either). rui just laughs. peak

Tsukasa: It looks like she's back to her usual self, but doesn't something still seem a little off...? I feel like she hasn't been adding Yahohoy! or Zoom! or any other nonsensical words to her sentences lately...

Rui: Ah, I see... Some time did pass before we heard her trademark Wonderhoy! again as well. Tsukasa: Exactly. The last time she said that was... When we all put our hands together and shouted that on stage, right? Nene: Now that you mention it, she always said stuff like that every day... Rui: Yes... Well, this is just me speculating but... She has a tendency to emote using her unique vocabulary when she feels absolutely compelled to do so... Tsukasa: Hm? Wait, that means she... Rui: Hasn't been able to feel that way lately. She may be choosing her words more carefully than normal.

-> they then put on a special show for her that essentially just bullies tsukasa and she starts saying nonsense again but ughhhT_T this group... when she says wonderhoy again nene & rui comments on it too... but in general things i will think about for the next ten years

[therobynhood]

Get to Know Me

__________________________________

A LIKKLE CHAT CHAT WITH THE ONE & ONLY

P E T R ÏI C E

{petrïice}

Hey Everyone, I'm so excited to meet you all! This a long time coming and though I'm bubbling with joy at discovering this app; let me properly introduce myself first.

💜 💜

My name is Petrice. I am 20 yrs old with a strong background in the arts. I've majored in vocal music, singing for as long as I can remember. Always loved performing, whether it was playing out my own imagination with family and friends or sharing a stage with peers. However when I wrote I felt like I was emerged in a whole other world.

Writing is my chance to escape the human rituals of socialization, competition, and seek the most pure form of creativity. It's my mojo of getting in tune with my vulnerability, something I struggle with and currently working on. When you share words and spread thoughts and vital information together, a community is grown. You become connected with others like it's telepathically, I see words as a source of power.

So, I hope to use this powerful app and not only create my own world surrounded with you, a beautiful and unique community...but to share my passions and gifts and be encouraged along my upcoming journey.

Share this journey with me as I open up to you guys emotionally, visually, artistically, and so much more. I hope to share my aspirations as I learn to be independent and take action on my dreams, to inspire another black girl to embrace her true self whatever form it may be and be proud. Of our history, and reminding each other of our crowns.

We are royalty. No matter who you are, what you are, how you look like. You are beautiful. A King. A Queen. Naturally perfect. Flaws and all.

Asé.

I'm not sure where life is taking me, currently. However I am passionate in all I do. I will never give up ony dreams, even with as harsh adulthood can be. My last name used to be 'Robinson'. Hence growing through this "breaking out my cocoon" era of adulting changing from caterpillar to future butterfly, I name this page therobynnhood.

__________________________________

Game Time

And don't worry, we're gonna make this fun. Let's switch up the energy. I love a good game and I think this will be a great way of getting to know y'all and vice versa.

We will be playing...(drumroll please)

🥁 🥁 🥁

21 Questions!!!

Okay well for the sake of time and I'm sure we are all busy, really ten questions LOL!!!

Let's Begin, shall we??

*Knocking off first for five, for the bonus round y'all can still tag them tho*

1. Petrice Natalee Thompson

2. SCORPIOOOO (sun, moon, Leo rising)

3. Hmmm. Not sure. Okay for starters being a failure/disappointment. Being abandoned or given up on by someone I opened up to the most or want to be proud of me. My nightmares coming to life.

4. Carribean 🇯🇲 meals, poetry, DANCINGGG

5. Physical affection/warmth, bomb natural hairstyle, deep one-on-one talks, high movement activities (skating, track, exercise etc.). Anddddd sensual aesthetic

*5 more at random*

33. Single taken husband complicated lol.

25. OMGGGG YESSS. WITH THE POPO YALL IT WAS MESSY. (Storytime???🤭)

42. Emotional prayer with my aunt.

20. Their outer personality. How much they smile/ how external or internal they are. I love to observe a person first on their personality rather than immediate out side looks. But if we are talking about the outside, I like a warm neutral expression someone who seems interested or notice me first. Attract, not chase lol.

11. I miss having friends🫠. So guys y'all are my new besties now.

B O N U S R O U N D

GET TO KNOW ME TAGGGGG🤭😜

{now it's ur turn!!!!}

The Rules:

Tag a number and let me get a sneak peek into you. I'll answer it in return/tag you back in a repost. (please kindly comment any questions or concerns/feel free to reach out to me)

Now leggggooooooo

This is a safe space. No judgement. Be your self.

Welcome to therobynnhood.

-📖🗝️,

Petrice

[astrumocs]

slides in,

every odd ask not answered for julius pls, <3

1. Talk about your muse’s birth. Was it usual or complicated? Where were they born? Who was there when they were born?

Fairly standard stuff, he was born in some caverns like any other troll. He was actually gonna be put on the chopping block for his mutant status and difficult-to-trace lineage, but his lusus poofed in and snagged him before he could be unalived.

3. What were they like as a baby? How much did they cry?

Not necessarily a cry baby, but was always easily startled which then could cause him to cry, at least when he was a grub/toddler.

5. When did they start walking?

On two legs? probably pretty quickly once he had them, he was always pretty determined. His wings also probably helped him a touch when he was smaller.

7. Did they ever use a pacifier? If so, when did they stop using it? Did they give it up willingly or did it have to be taken?

I don't think so tbh? Never was much for biting or teething on anything either really.

11. What kind of activities did they like to do? Did they ever play pretend?

Jules probably doodled and read a lot, really just classic 'shy weird kid' stuff in general. He was also really into astrology and space stuff, too. used to make star charts in his observatory. Defo played pretend, most likely with his lusus, Basili.

13. What kinds of foods did they eat as a kid?

Jewel was never a very adventurous eater and bagels and croissants have always been something he enjoyed. His lusus being the way it is also taught him how to make a lot of Italian pasta dishes, so noodles were a frequent thing for him.

15. Did they have nightmares as a kid? What were they about? How did they get back to sleep?

Sometimes yeah, but I wouldn't say any more or less than other kids. He frequently has violent nightmares and also the kinds where you're being chased but suddenly you've never run a moment in your life.

If he got/gets awoken by a nightmare he wouldn't be going back to sleep, he would just wake up and try to calm/distract himself from the anxiety they give.

17. What kinds of toys did they like?

When he was old enough to he probably liked playing board games with his lusus and he liked puzzles too for sure. Jules also used to have a beanie baby butterfly (and still does, somewhere).

19. What kind of discipline were they subjected to? Was it lenient or strict?

Basili, his lusus, raised Jules ancestor and seeing how Reshaper turned out he felt he'd been too lax and so tried to find a happy middle ground with Jules. He grew up with more of a scheduled upbringing as a result and things tended to have a more serious approach-- not that he was without lax days and fun ofc, it's just notably different from Reshaper.

21. What was their favorite childhood memory? Their least favorite?

Favorite would probably be when he finished his first really big puzzle and his lusus was so proud of him that he asked to keep it.

And Least Fav would likely be the first time he went out without his lusus, it was extremely nerve wracking for him and he refused to go anywhere alone for a while after that lol,

23. What was their relationship like with their parents? How different is it from currently?

It was pretty good overall, Juli was a well behaved kid for the most part and practiced his magic and with his wings when he was very little. Although he never really took to the mischievous or carefree attitudes that his lusus somewhat tried to impart in him. Jules never had any relationship with his ancestor though. Presently he values Basili's opinion on things, but not more than his own. At the end of the day though he knows his lusus is a capricious Fae who doesn't value his science as much as it does magic.

25. Did they have any pets growing up?

He used to raise caterpillars into butterflies sometimes when he was young, but otherwise nah.

27. Did they have any caretakers besides their parents?

Nah, like I said before he never knew his ancestor and didn't go out enough to meet anyone else who'd wanna take care of him or anything. Just him and the ol' lusus.

29. What was their first major loss?

Loss in the traditional sense of death? The only thing that might apply is the first butterfly he successfully raised to adulthood. He was pretty heartbroken when it died bc he didn't really understand why it happened. If you mean like.. in general, probably the day he realized his wings were never gonna come in properly. He genuinely grieved the loss very deeply at the time, bc of the immense value his lusus had attributed to them.

31. Did your muse have any nicknames as a child? If so, what were they? Did they give nicknames to others?

Juli was his most common nickname when he was little and/or being teased. His lusus called him 'Little Fae' sometimes too, but that nickname got dropped after he uhhh failed to fill those shoes, so to speak.

When he was very little maybe, but he's always called things by full names or whatever they asked to be called.

[imthepunchlord]

All your fic ideas sound so good!!!!!!!

A Siege in Paris: Okay, the name sounds familiar, but who is Armand D’Argencourt? And why/how would he bring Paris into the dark ages? 😱

Bluebird of Happiness: I would love to see more of Duusu and Marinette together! I loved “A Declaration of Love.” Ooooh would this be a double Miraculous option? Like, Marinette has the Peacock, but Fu doesn’t know that, so he gives her another Miraculous too? Chaos ensues as she has to deal with two kwamis and 2 hero identities? That would be fun!

Chasing a Butterfly: Ahhhhh I want another Butterfly!Marinette fic too! I feel like this could be a good Lukanette one - Marinette could be more withdrawn and shy and Luka hears her song despite that and knows she is just a caterpillar waiting to be a beautiful butterfly. But then, as a hero, he is wary of the new butterfly heroine. So we could see your take on the kinda love square sans Adrien lol

Claws Sunk In: I’m surprised (but intrigued) with this one! It sounds like a set up for a Chlonette fic, but I thought I remembered you saying that you didn’t want to ship them because Chloe was Marinette’s bully. Would this be a different set up for that? Or is Chlonette a no-go here too? Maybe just platonic?

Copycat: I’m always down for more Felix action! I love the way you write him, but I can’t really read Grumpy Cat because I get too sad about the ending. 😭😅 So, I would love a Felix fic from you that doesn’t involve….well. The ending of Grumpy Cat. 😂

Dodged a Beetle: It seems I’m in the minority here, but this is probably my least favorite. Probably because I dislike Lila so much. I would also hate to see Marinette wrapped around Lila’s finger. But the premise is super interesting though! I never would have thought of it! You’re right that Lila has a lot of potential. I just more see it as potential for bad lol. 😂

Never Met Fu: (Can I also just say I love these plays on words?) Ooooh this one sounds like you could improve on Fu a lot! And it would give you the option of adding heroes to the team that Fu approves of and Ladybug doesn’t know about! Ladybug wouldn’t be the one ha ding out the Miraculouses!

Unbound: I need more deets on this one ASAP. Alternate universe opens up? Magic goes haywire? Body swapping? WHAT’S GOING ON?! 😂

The Gamble of Renard Leroux: Can it be??? An OC INSERT STORY?! I never thought I’d see the day! No one else seems to like to write OC insert stories! I’d love to see your take on it. Or would it be Felix coming in with the Fox? Or maybe Alya or even Lila?

Okay, I think I covered all your ideas lol. Thank you so much for sharing them! I’m already looking forward to….we’ll, basically all of them. 😂😂😂

ASiP: Armand D'Argencourt was Darkblade and was running for mayor. No Andre taking the position, its open to be claimed. And he's got some villainy vibes to him, and a familial history that he can continue as his ancestor (also known as Darkblade) used to rule Paris.

BoH: I am going to go with no as this is meant to be a Peafowl!Marinette centered idea. I don't even know if the Butterfly would be misused as we don't have the details and history of the Agrestes and how they get them. Only for sure is that Emilie is still around so no Gabriel trying to misuse it to revive her. They could misuse it for nefarious reasons, or maybe they don't have anything if they got the Peafowl first and that clued them in on the existence of miraculous. I'm hoping the ep Gabriel Agreste will give some answers, ideally...

CaB: eeeeh we'll see. I haven't decided on a pairing just yet. More focused on trying to figure out the story direction and what to do about lead heroes.

CSI: this is definitely not a Chlonette fic. This is more along the lines of Scarlet Lady au of Chleo at the start getting one of the two most powerful and Marinette's her partner.

Copycat: well its a good thing that this isn't a Grumpy Cat rewrite.

DaB: yeah it can be dicey depending on where it goes. Only thing I can reassure you is that Marinette's not going to be wrapped around Lila's finger. Though she will be regarded as a friend and that means she'll have a lot of tolerance for things that she shouldn't.

NMF: not going to go as your picturing. outside the ending, it's going to be more of a timeskip fic.

Unbound: when LB cleanses an akuma, she severs HM's connection with the victim, and purifies them, turning what's negative positive and turns them back to normal. When Cat does it, it just servers that connection and the victim still has that power and now no item or butterfly to cleanse and HM has no means to control them. They are an absolute wildcard.

TGoRL: ...ish. kinda but not really? Only thing for sure is that Marinette shall have a wily friend coming to her aide. Lila beware and readers, brace for some Alya salt.

[xxrevengeoftheswiftxx]

ME!

I loved your Entertainment Weekly cover and looking at each and every pin and button @taylorswift 

I thought I would share my collection with you :)

(i really hope you enjoy these bc I was devoured by mosquitoes and nearly chased down mother robin taking these lol)

Pins ( from left to right)

Tarot cards- I am a spiritual and sassy Swiftie!

Cat Person - one of my passion projects is helping to restore the monarch butterfly population by planting pollinator - friendly flowers and milkweed, which is the primary food source for monarch caterpillars. I raise them from eggs indoors where they will be safe from predators and then I release them as butterflies.

Fleetwood Mac Forever - because the music of Fleetwood Mac is timeless and Stevie Nicks is an absolute legend.

A butterfly pin that once belonged to my great grandmother and namesake, Julieanne.

Alice - a pin bearing the name of my Grandma Alice who passed away in 2017. She died on 12/30/17 and the song New Years Day really helped me heal from all the grief I experienced after her passing.

A 2016 election button for Hillary Clinton

A button from Star Wars Celebration 2019 - incidentally, I was on the showroom floor of the convention when you announced the countdown to ME!

I ♡ PCTY - I am proud to be working for a great company like Paylocity. Our company culture is so diverse and welcoming. I have learned so much at this job and I work with a fantastic team

Fight Like A Girl- from the 2018 Women's March in Chicago

LGBT - I am a proud ally of the LGBT Community. I was part of an outreach program at Northern Illinois University that helped to create and maintain a safe space for members of the LGBT Community. I was fortunate enough to be at the second Chicago show on the Reputation Tour when made the incredible Delicate speech.

[lokbobpop]

Fascinated

transitive verb. 1a : to command the interest of : allure was fascinated by carnivals The kids were fascinated with their new toy. b : to transfix (see transfix sense 1) and hold spellbound by an irresistible power believed that the serpent could fascinate its prey

1300, meninge, "sense, that which is intended to be expressed," also "act of remembering" (a sense now obsolete), verbal noun from mean (v.). Sense of "significance, import" is from 1680s

Fascinated face in a ted fascin ate d fast sin ate did. Fast sin hated

Writing fascinated

I have been fascinated by many things liek when i was young i was fascinated by insects they fascinated me so much i loved them beetles mostly the shiny colours of there hard shells was mesmerizing butterfly’s and caterpillars ladybirds and so on insect were a big part of my wonder as a child.

Then i was fascinated us men boys should i say in my early teens onward for what seems like for ever but now my back door is closed lol

Reading fascinated

When you see a dog chasing the laser light and your like wht because they are driven crazy by it moving so fast poppy our one dog i reckon could chase it all day long lol

Whe you are fascinated by something unknown its new exciting like drugs or foods culture people from other countries by language which i could never talk like the Chinese how do they do this lol its all fascinating

I think things when you are younger are far more fascinating than when you older you lose this sort of fun within you and less and less become fascinating to you you lose this fun for new discovery’s you get old in you mind and dotn look for new and fascinating things.

When looking at the girls when they were younger and how fascinated they were all the time the first time leilani got in the water with a snorkel she was shouting with joy she loved it

Saying fascinated

To be charmed by something to the point yo cant stop looking at it or talking about it or even experiencing it you are captured by it.

I remember being young and fascinated by babies i just wanted to play with them they were so cute i loved them

Something that gets your attention that is new discovery and you cant get enough of it

The Human body itself is very fascinating all how i tworks the mind construct even though i dont want to be living within one its still fascinating how its set up for me to fail for how i have let my mind run me crazy and never saw it at all.

Seeing animals fascinated in things like enki in stuffed toys or dogs in mirror and so on.

Sf

Does this definition support me no i see im not so fascinated in things since getting older my fascination has dropped which is crazy as ot be fascinated by something is to be interested in how it works ho wit is and how new things can happen i need to be fascinated in me how i work how i function to change what o dot like about me.

Fascination face see action

Fascinated

To be charmed by me who i am who i have been who i could be to be bedazzled by myself and my process all inspired by me.

I will live this word with being fascinated by me my mind my physical my beingness that i look see what i am allowing within me as me in great detail to see ho wi click to change whats not supporting me to love me wholly to change me to be the best I can be.

[canisaysomethingg]

march 3, 2020

You know… I don’t know why I’m writing this. All I know is that I am probably sad whenever I decide to write. I guess being sad pushes me to write. It’s not that I have no friends to tell my thoughts and woes, but, it’s raining… and raining sets me in the mood to write rather than saying words or sharing thoughts that will only exist momentarily---I hate temporary. This reminds me of the conversation the last week where I told my friend hat I am not afraid of dying. What I am afraid of is the idea of dying, living momentarily, and people forgetting about you. I forgot how she responded, all I remember is she told me that it was 2am and what I am having are midnight thoughts. I want to tell him that she is wrong you know…I think of this stuff even at 2pm or 8am. I am twenty-four years old, and people will say that I am too young to be worrying about death. I mean twenty-five is not the age to stress out about dying meaningfully because I am just starting with my life. I don’t know, it’s just that I remember when I was fourteen and I am listening to this Taylor Swift song—I remember how convinced I was that I would  also have touched people’s hearts by the time I reached her age. You know, I love being fourteen--- being young, dreaming big, believing in fairytales, thinking that everything will work out if you just set your heart into it. I love how motivated I was back then, hence, I love seeing children; playing with them makes me believe that I am one. I want to get married because I love watching wedding videos and hearing their vows and seeing people being so in love. You see, I do not believe in magic, but seeing two people so in love is kind of magical I guess. 

   I am twenty-four you know--- this is one of those ages where most people expect that you should know what you are doing with your life already. But I am twenty-four, and I have the same dream when I was ten where I want to live in Japan and attend school wearing their cute skirts, have cute bangs, high socks, and navy blazers. This has been my childhood dream. I remember my classmates at law school during our first day where most of them said that being a lawyer was their childhood dream. I do remember lying and saying that being a lawyer was also my childhood dream because this sounds way better than admitting that I want to be an anime character for the longest time. I will certainly sound dumb if I’ve been honest--- you see, most people believe that I am joking all the time, and it is alright. It’s not that I am complaining because everything we do is our choice... it is wrong to blame people for the choices we make. But most of the time, I regret having an outgoing-funny-type of image. It must feel good to be taken seriously. It’s not that I am complaining or anything, because I can make more people happy by not being honest, you know by being a ray of sunshine when in fact I love the rain and the dim sky so much. Hmm, you know, deep in my heart, I know that I am studying law not because I want to be a lawyer, well sometimes I do but most of the time I don’t--- because  I realize that there is no such thing as equality and justice, it is too ideal like my other friend said. Doing things you don’t believe will never feel right, that’s why it’s hard for me to give my best and I guess be a lawyer ---you know fighting for justice when you realize that such thing doesn’t exist anymore. Honestly, I am studying law to have a stable income and have money to travel the world, experience cultures, and see the Spring Festival. I want to wear their traditional costumes and eat takoyaki and play with octopus with the small net--- I don’t know, I just want to be an anime for once or a stargazer. I do not want to sound ungrateful, but these days, I feel that real world makes me tired… so so tired in fact I just want to spend my time literally by sleeping. Our world can be pretty tiring you know. The thought of reality sounds like a sleeping pill to me, I mean, just merely thinking about it makes me want to go to sleep for an eternity. Hmm… if reincarnation is real (and God knows how I want it to be real, be born again and have a shot at life once again)  most people know that I will turn out to be a caterpillar or worm because that is what I’ve been kept on telling them… but honestly, I want to be a butterfly. A blue butterfly because someone told me that blue is very rare in nature. But being a butterfly does not sound like me at all--- just look at them, they are so pretty, they look kind, and happy. If not a caterpillar, or butterfly, I want to be an anime character or a cherry blossom tree.  The kind of anime characters present in shoujo manga not the ones where there are titans or else I will not last an episode. Actually, I have this thought that anime characters also wants to be real people, be 3d lol  as they watch us from their two-dimensional world Hahaha---the same how much cherry blossom trees want to be  law students. I know it doesn’t make sense but you see, my point is you always dream of what you cannot have and people take for granted things that they have. You know, just a sudden thought, I always say hahaha even though I am not laughing or smiling. I don’t know, but it just adds color to the conversation. Well, I believe that most of us are guilty of doing this---saying hahaha and pretending to be happy hmm, I guess? Don’t get me wrong, I am actually happy with my life. I mean, I need to be happy because being sad with the things I have right now will make me ungrateful… and I do not want to sound ungrateful especially in front of the people that I love. I know I am blessed and I should not be sad but I cannot help it. You see, I hate myself most of the time and it makes me sadder because I know that most people also do--- you know… hate themselves. Some are just good in faking it. You see, I always smile, and most people believe that I do not get mad, but in fact I do… I realize that I do get mad---the thing is I just I do not want to disagree with people. I do not want fights or confrontations because I will probably agree with them rather than support my own principles---I can’t take the risk of losing them you know. You see, people tend to hate when they fail to understand---I don’t want people to hate me when they fail to understand me because I already hate myself. I am this kind of person, the person who tends to avoid arguments and doing this, kinda makes me appear kind--- but I don’t want to look kind. I don’t know, but in my experience, people will expect that you’ll be okay no matter what they do because you are kind… and I am not kind because I am never okay. You know, I just want people to look closely… and truly…and see me. It would feel nice to be seen for once. But you see, it makes me quite unfair to expect people to see me when I can’t even see myself. Still, it would be nice you know, to be seen, and be understood by people you care the most even without saying anything.

Hence, I believe that this thing is more powerful than love---for the key to love is genuine understanding. But again, I don’t know. I always talk about love like I’ve already decoded it knowing that I can’t even keep a relationship no matter how hard I try. You know, I love romantic movies with happy endings--- these two should always go hand in hand for stories are hanging if characters have not yet achieved good endings. A friend told me that he hates this type of movies because it set the standards high in love and it makes people expect reality to be like a movie. Despite everything he said, I still believe that romantic movies are great you know, as well as horror movies. I just love horror movies--- it makes me feel brave, and I love the feeling of being brave even just for a bit. You know, I think I’m weird sometimes because I am romantic and sweet but not to the people I care the most. The more comfortable I am to that person the more it’s difficult to say how much I miss them. Well, I guess most people do the same, that’s why we need to look closely. People will rather lie you know, than admit their feelings.  No matter how hard we deny---pride will always go along the way. That’s why I want people to look closely--- realize the tiniest detail and connect with someone the way we connect to our favorite anime opening song even though we don’t understand it. When I was young, I believe that as we grow old, we will be able to connect with people--- now I’m starting to realize that truly connecting with someone may only happen once or never. You know, genuine communication is somehow impossible. People are so good at pretending and keeping secrets that’s why I believe that the bravest people are the ones who are attempting to do the impossible--- chasing unrealistic things like genuine communication. I suddenly remember when my student asked me  why I don’t have a boyfriend yet and I ended up saying that I have never been in love, and how I will always tell them that I do not want to have a family and want to spend my life in the middle of the forest hanging out  with animals. But I know I’m lying because it’s sad to live in the middle of a forest alone you know, inside a cave, without talking to someone, and God knows how much I love talking--- keeping conversations. I lied to that student because you see, I have been in loved or i like to think that I did. Hmm, I don’t know why I’m sharing something so personal.  Maybe, I just want to be understood, and this is my attempt to forming connection. I guess? Goodnight.

[treadmilltreats]

I know you are but what am I.... Gaslighting at it's finest

If you follow me, you know my story as I am always transparent. I've always been honest about my dating escapades and especially the type of men I've dated. I did not have a good picker for the longest time. I've dated narcissist, passive-aggressive, controlling, jealous men. 

But this has taught me a lot, especially now because I can pick them out of a crowd, a million miles away.

Last week I also wrote about this and was abusive and since I got so many responses I wanted to rerun this blog to show you that even though you changed and you may think others have changed, sometimes that is not the case. As I realized that sometimes God needs to throw a brick at my head yet again becauseI haven't gotten the message. This blog that I wrote 4 years ago is that brick….

Not that long ago my ex boyfriend and I got together. Now I should have known better because this was a disaster from the beginning and every time we tried to give it another shot, it ended up being a bigger disaster. 

I realized he was always trying to put me down, always telling me what was wrong with me and what I was doing wrong. Never once admitting to any wrongdoing on his behalf at all. 

So this last time I decided that I would try things his way, maybe it was me, maybe I was doing this all wrong. Maybe just maybe if I did try things his way it would work out like he said it would.

Now try not to laugh when I tell you his way, was that it was okay not to text the person that you're with everyday or speak to that person everyday. It was okay, in his mind to go ghost for days at a time. This was a huge issue for me in the beginning because I feel if you care about someone and you're in that person's life, you should want to talk to them everyday. You want to know how their day was, how they are feeling, tell them that you miss them or just talked to them about everyday things. He said I was always Tinkerbell and that I believed and happily-ever-afters and all that was just bullshit.

Look, I don't think I am too smart to learn new things. I am open to hearing others advice and even trying to see if it works, so this was no different. 

I would text him, he would respond hours or days later. I tried not to say anything but kept going on with my life. I tried to initiate us to get together but he always had things going on.

Now to let you know that I am not truly stupid, I already knew the outcome of this experiment but because he said if I did it his way, if I was to take things slow, then it would work out. I decided to go along with this game because just on the off chance he was right, maybe I did need to change my approach.

Well this game went on for over a month, basically the same shit again and again. When the holidays came along and I knew he had no family here, I decided to invite him to my home. He said yes, he would come. The morning of, I texted him and told him what time dinner was and nothing....

No, I didn't hear from him until 3 days later. 

His response was "I just got back into town. Sorry I'm terrible lol... but you know I don't celebrate the holidays lol"

Seriously, that was your apology?

Okay, I'm done, I can only put up with bullshit for so long until you get to a point where you say enough is enough.This was definitely enough, I was done, cooked, and burnt for the last time.

I waited a week to respond and I went on to tell him no he wasn't just terrible, he was self centered, inconsiderate and heartless. I went on to say that I was done. (In a few extra choice words) He in his usual form came back at me saying that it was my fault, that I was bitter, mean and angry. That it was all my fault that this didn't work out again. 

Ha! Gaslighting at it's finest! Turn it around and blame me because you're an asshole ha! That is funny.

But if you also read my blogs you know that I am hard headed and it takes me a few times to get things. It's not because I am dumb, it's because I want to see the best in people. I am willing to give them chances, I believe we all make mistakes, so I try to see the good in them.

But it comes to a point when you realize some people are just fucked up. That they will never take responsibility for anything because they don't think there is anything wrong with them. Narcissistic, controlling passive-aggressive, Alpha men, all have these traits.

That was the blog I wrote 4 years ago and you may ask why did I agree to meet with him now after all these years? Well, first I went to therapy and I knew that I changed and grew and I thought maybe he had too.

And even though he proved it time and time again, I still held out hope until we had plans and yet again he blew me off with no call or text and when he did call the next day he didn't even give an apology. I got mad and told him how disrespectful that was and he turned it on me and said I should have reminded him... it was then I realized it's him and not me.

Nothing you do or say will ever be "perfect"

No matter how you do things, it will never be enough. This is their issue, you are just chasing a ghost and everytime you jump one hoop there is another and then another and another because there is never a finish line for people like this.

This is a race you will never win, so you have to give it up, move on and take the lessons with you.

I know there are amazing men out there that will text and talk to you every day because their day wouldn't be complete without it. I know there are men who put you first, who want to spend any free time they have with you, men that don't need reminding to take you out. I know a man can and will put your feelings and your needs above his own.

I know all of this because I had a prince... and he taught me these things.

So to you... Mr. I know you are but what am I…

I really thought you could change, like I have but realized that I am done waiting for it.

I am waiting for a real man, and yes, I may be Tinkerbell but I believe he's out there.

Thank you for teaching me when someone shows you who they are, believe them. Thank you for teaching me what I will settle for and what is a waste of my time.

Thank you for giving me what I needed to realize you will never be it and for allowing me to close that door, lock it and walk away for good.

Yes, there is always a lesson to learn...

Remember to look for the signs of gaslighting...

I know you are but what am I.....

"Be the change you want to see"

  

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

@treadmilltreats 

[rexhc]

rosebuzz kids

been meaning to make this post for a while but rosa and buzz have too many kids (SIX) lol. but they live on a farm (which i will post about eventually) outside of houston so they have plenty of room.

jacob abraham “jake” goldman

born september 15, 2018

his biological mother is polly bernhardt, but rosa adopts him when he’s seven and has been basically raising him since before he was five

guitar and piano prodigy. has been obsessed with music since buzz gave him his ukelele as a little kid.

total metal head. all his sisters hate it except sil.

he’s in a metal band for a long time. rosa’s very into it (in a really nerdy mom way) and goes to almost every show he plays in the city. she always wears a bunch of their merch and calls herself their “roadie” (which jake hates). buzz comes sometimes but it can be too loud for him to handle. jake understands.

teaches guitar and piano lessons for a living when he grows up. he’s classically trained and goes to berklee after high school.

he plays drums in school band in middle school and is on the drum line for three years in high school. also plays bass for the jazz band.

started skateboarding when he was six and when they leave the city for the country, rosa designs him a mini ramp on their land since the roads are mostly gravel or dirt.

hates having his hair short

such a good big brother. older than the rest by eight years but he takes his role as a big bro very seriously and looks after his little sisters and brother. he never complains when he has to babysit when he’s older.

he doesn’t mind working on the farm but he’s not into it like his dad is. but when he’s eighteen, buzz shows him the greenhouse where he grows medical marijuana for local dispensaries - which had always been strictly off limits for the kids. it’s the first time jake thinks of agriculture as fun.

very quiet and introspective. most of his focus is spent on his music. frequently referred to as antisocial and was teased a lot as a kid.

lilia hannah “lily” goldman 

born may 21, 2026

very skilled artist. loves drawing and painting. she draws on the walls a lot as a little kid and her parents never ever paint over her drawings. they love to talk about her masterpieces.

could be found every morning before anyone else woke up watching cartoons in the living room. loved cartoons so much.

loves “old” (old in the 2030s) cartoons her parents show her. she dresses as finn the human for halloween four years in a row. 

draws cartoons all the time about her family. which her dad loves so much and always hangs on the fridge.

the first one she does is of buzz with a beard of bees when she’s three and he keeps it in his wallet forever

fridge features include grumpy old man jake and rosa as a superhero called supermama who appears multiple times 

becomes an animator when she grows up

very bubbly and optimistic, excited about everything but also very bashful and is constantly embarrassed by her family

to be fair she’s very awkward and usually embarrasses herself more than her family does

hates disappointing people and always takes too much on her plate to make everyone happy

is constantly way too hard on herself and gets stressed out very easily

she gets this from her mother, who can always tell when lily gets in that mood and tears her away from her homework to watch animated movies and decompress

sophia demetria goldman

born november 4, 2027

fraternal twin of silvia

they couldn’t be more different and they aren’t that close but sophia always stands up for sil no matter what.

total daddy’s girl. loves working in the fields with him more than anything. they talk for hours.

they spend so much time gossiping. buzz knows so much about the social hierarchy of every class sophia is in. he knows about every snotnose kid who was mean to his daughter and gives them dirty looks when he drops the kids off or sees them at birthday parties. 

she tells buzz basically everything about her life. they’re super close.

when she goes to college she makes buzz get whatever device they use in 2046 so they can message all the time. he iris messages her every time anyways.

goes to the farmer’s market with buzz every weekend and is always a smash hit with the customers. she knows how to play up her cuteness.

she’s just like the nicest, sweetest, most well-behaved kid. buzz and rosa have no clue how it happened.

loves flowers and gardening. they didn’t have a flower garden before sophia expressed interest, but buzz set it up just for her. she spends so much of her free time there. even if she’s not gardening, she has a hammock set up where she’ll do her homework or hang out.

ridiculously caring and selfless. 

the sweetest nicest bean ever. would not hurt a fly.

so smart. not just in school but rosa swears she got 100% of the athena wisdom gene. she gives amazing advice. 

ends up becoming a therapist when she grows up. and her home garden is magnificent.

silvia atenea “sil” goldman

born november 4, 2027

fraternal twin of sophia

she prefers “sil” to silvia

got buzz’s crazy curls

loves loves loves animals, bugs, and biology. has to be told several times by her parents to stop hanging out with wild animals on the farm and still doesn’t really listen.

she sneaks insects inside that end up escaping and it’s no fun for anyone. she did this with a snake once and got grounded for a month. never again.

whatever it is it usually ends up in sophia’s bed because they share a bunkbed. sophia has a complete meltdown every single time.

talks to caterpillars and chases butterflies when she’s supposed to be picking vegetables. also loves playing in the dirt as a kid.

seriously buzz and rosa have to wash her like three times a day because she keeps coming back inside covered in mud

reads all the time, mostly nonfiction books about animals. 

she enthusiastically shows pages about inchworm digestion to sophia, who screeches immediately

doesn’t get along great with her sisters but is super close with jake (also adam to an extent because they’re both science geeks). they’re both kind of social outcasts in school so he gets her really well even though he’s nine years older.

jake shows sil metal and she’s all about it

when she’s 10-11 and he’s 19-20 jake takes her to a couple of his shows and she has the time of her life.

on the spectrum. she’s has high-functioning autism. she mostly just doesn’t look people in the eye and when someone is saying something she’s not interested in she tends to tune them out completely.

tomboy/gender non-conforming. doesn’t care about gender norms.

not very interested in other people or in making friends. she has her own thing going on instead.

can be mean but it’s not on purpose

ends up becoming a wildlife biologist when she grows up. plays the doctor card nonstop as soon as she gets her phd. even her nieces and nephews call her “dr. auntie sil”

amalia michelle goldman

born july 12, 2029

her family often calls her ‘mali/molly’ but she prefers amalia

the most dramatic of the six kiddos because there’s too many of them and it’s really hard to get attention. she’s the kid who always has to cause a scene.

car rides are a nightmare. “mama! adam keeps poking me! tell him to stop right now!” “no i’m not! tattle!” “mama if adam keeps poking me i’m going to open the door and get out on the street and probably die!”

every time she gets sick as a kid she acts as if she’s going to die and writes a will where she leaves her jerk siblings nothing because they’re jerks who suck 

had a grudge against adam until he was like six because he usurped her as the baby of the family.

there’s an infamous family video of a five year old amalia pushing a crying two year old adam off his tricycle and it gets played at every hannukah and christmas.

somehow around the time they’re about 7/9 they actually become friends

your typical try hard nerd. very much like her mom. gets over-competitive about everything, total know it all, tries to take control of any room she’s in

president of like every nerdy club in high school

she loves using difficult vocabulary. everybody else hates it.

amalia and rosa have been prohibited from being on the same team or going 1v1 on family game night because it gets too intense too fast and then family game night is cancelled

consistently has the cleanest bedroom in the house

very logical and efficient. comes up with her own systems so she can be the best at everything.

becomes an english teacher. all her siblings say they feel bad for her students. she eventually becomes a principal. they say the same thing about the entire school.

adam emiliano goldman

born february 14, 2032

total mama’s boy. loves his mom and hangs out with her all the time. even in his teens. he doesn’t care what anyone says about that.

she calls him lovebug because he was born on valentines day

very smart, witty, and energetic

really a heartbreaker tbh

naturally gets attention by just who he is as a person

this enrages amalia

he loves school but always gets sent to the office for arguing with teachers. this happens throughout his entire schooling from kindergarten to senior year

rosa is so proud every time

very into his video games. and this is in the future so i bet it’s super cool and VR by then.

weirdly good at rapping and most of the family’s kinda unsure how they feel about this

gets into 90s east coast rap and buzz tell him he was there he was a toddler but he was there

he listens to so much old school rap it really amps him up

isn’t intimidated by anyone. constantly stands up to bullies no matter who they’re targeting.

he get’s buzz’s height - ends up being even taller at 6′4″ - and gets pretty good at basketball. he even goes to college on a basketball scholarship.

buzz hangs a hoop in the driveway and they play so much

buzz sees him playing basketball on tv for the first time and cries real dad tears

science nerd - loves chemistry specifically

becomes a research chemist

[uniquehenry-blog]

A Trip Through Memory Lane

by Henry Kaminski, Jr

I’m in the gym this morning listening to one of my favorite records of all time, “Memory Lane” from Nas and it brought me back to the winter of 1993.

I was 13 years old, in 9th grade at Middletown High School North in Middletown, NJ.

I would hear through kids in my class how scary the nearby town Long Branch was.

Kids getting beat up on the way to school.

People getting shot.

Drugs…

Gangs…

I began to become mortified of this town hearing all those horrible stories from fellow classmates.

I remember sitting in my TV room playing and my father walking in the room and making me sit next to him.

My father told me that we had to move out of our current home because the divorce judge ruled that our house needed to be sold and we had 30 days to find a place to live.

My father worked for UPS as a Shop Steward / Mechanic in Tinton Falls NJ, a town that butted, guess where??

Long Branch New Jersey…

My father said, “Were moving to Long Branch. You’ll be going to Long Branch High School after the Christmas break.”

I was f*%cking terrified.

All I thought about was getting beat up on my way to school.

Drug fiends chasing me.

Gang members mistaking me for someone else and beating me up or shooting me.

I was scared shit but I had no choice.

I did what I had to do.

I faced my fear, laced my caterpillar boots lol (we couldn’t afford Timbs) and off to school I went.

My dad literally rented this 2 family shack on 112 Seaview Ave right down the street from housing projects, Seaview Manor, Grant Court and Garfield Court.

It was about a 2-mile walk to school every day and I had to walk through those Projects every day on my way to school.

I was and still am a huge 90’s / 00’s Hip Hop fan so what got me through my fear was listening to Nas’ album Illmatic.

It gave me the confidence I needed to get to school.

I remember the half year of freshmen year and sophomore year like it was yesterday.

I had no friends. I barely talked to anyone and just kept to myself.

It wasn’t until my Junior year of high school I began to come out of my shell.

My high school was extremely ethnic.

“White Boys” were the minority.

A funny thing happened one day in homeroom my junior year.

I met a kid by the name of Thomas Stovall.

He started calling me “The cool ass White Bread”

He took the time to get to know me.

He knew I loved hip hop and I knew more about it than the average “White Boy.” Lol

Some would probably take offense to that.

I didn’t.

I felt accepted.

I think the reason Thomas liked me so much is that I didn’t try to be “black.”

Yes I liked hip hop…

Yes I bought my clothes on Canal Street…

But I respected their culture and never tried to “be” someone I wasn’t. (This changed later on in life but that’s a story for another day)

He took me under his wing and started introducing me to whole bunch of his friends.

He lived around the corner from me and found I was walking to school every day and offered to drive me every morning.

We used to play basketball in his backyard every night.

He taught me how to navigate the neighborhood.

He taught me the streets.

He taught me how to have an “edge.”

He taught me how to be fierce and competitive.

All of a sudden Long Branch wasn’t that scary anymore.

By senior year I was social butterfly lol.

I knew almost everyone in my class.

Thomas and I had our “ups and downs” but we always made amends.

I will forever represent Long Branch New Jersey.

It gave me 2 educations.

One from the classroom.

One from the streets.

The moral of this story is this.

Don’t be afraid of what’s behind the wall.

What’s behind that wall could unveil one of the most beautiful blessings of your life and may teach the most valuable lessons of your life.

I dedicate this trip down “Memory Lane” to Thomas Stovall.

I love you and miss you and I’m proud to call you my “brother.”

May you continue to Rest In Peace, my brother…

– The Doc

[at-least-ill-die-a-lionturtle]

All of the bug + botanical asks. c:

Butterfly: Favorite colors? Blues, purples, and greens (:

Caterpillar: Favorite food? Pizza and fried chicken :P OH and burgers! And seafood lol 

Spider: Do you like to be alone, or with other people? Depends, usually like being alone or just with the gf

Praying mantis: Do you have any crushes? Duh! Have you seen Ryan Reynolds???

Housefly: What are your biggest pet peeves? Being asked what my pet peeves are

Mosquito: Favorite season? Fall :D I love all the colors and the weather and wearing warm clothes!

Cockroach: Have you ever been bullied? Yeah, pretty severely :/

Wasp: Have you ever bullied anyone? I have, and I hated myself for it. And I wish I could apologize to the people I treated that way

Bumblebee: What is your dream job? I want to be and make people happy. Ideally through videos, photos, or music.

Firefly: What is your dream date? April 25th

Moth: Do you believe in the paranormal? I do! Ive experienced the paranormal before

Beetle: Have you ever been in a fight? Ive been in a small handful of fights. OR maybe an average sized handful? I dunno lol

Earthworm: What was your favorite class in elementary school? Uhhhhh... I dunno? Lol I guess English

Ant: What kind of job do you have? Senior Executive Assistant to the Regional Manager

Scorpion: Biggest fears? Only getting nine nuggets in my 10pc

Centipede: Do you smoke? Yeah. All the haters in Need For Speed: Most Wanted

Millipede: Have you ever done drugs? Never

Grasshopper: Favorite bands? UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Cicada: Do you like to sing? I LOVE TO SING! Sometimes I suck, sometimes I suck less lol

Cricket: Favorite genre of music? FUCK

Stick bug: Where do you want to travel to? Nice places :3__________________________________________________________baby’s breath: 5 things you associate yourself with: Music, vidya gaems, comfort food, stars, introversionbleeding heart: what makes you heart go mushy? @dahuntressbellflower: what’s the title of the song that makes you want to jump around out of joy? Cant Stop This Feeling by Justin Timberlakeevening primrose: what’s your sleeping playlist (give me 5 songs)? M4 EP - Fauntsforget-me-not: who is your favorite blog who isn’t following you? I have no idea lol I love my mutuals daffodil: what is one plant that you want to have but can never get? Bird of Paradise. Theyre toxic to cats :(calla lily: are you more of a sunny day or a rainy evening? Rainy all day foxglove: what is your favorite color and in what shade? Blue... Blue? Ive taken four years of art and I cant remember the difference between shade and tint lol [One Google search later] Navy blue!lavender: what is something that you’ve always wanted to be/have/get but can never have? *crying through laughter* A normally functioning brain hahahahahlove in a mist: what is the latest dream that you remember? I was a scientist/researcher Indiana Jones type person??? And found something I shouldntve. And the FBI was chasing me... And I had a cane that was a sword??? Like the cane was the sheath. I have weird dreams loldaisy: what is your favorite flavor of cotton candy, ice cream, and juice? DONT LIKE COTTON CANDY. Fav flav of ice cream is Moose Tracks :3 And my favorite juice is apple juice :Dpainter’s palette: are you more of a singer, dancer, painter, or instrumentalist? Definitely instrumentalist, and then singer. Not big on dancing lol I wanna be better at painting tho!tulip: what is your most favorite make-up product? do you like it more natural, dark, or etc? Dont wear make-up lolwaxflower: are you a bee or a butterfly person? a dog or a cat person? I love bees! Butterflies are nice tho too (: And I love dogs and cats, but I’d say I like dogs a bit moresugarbush: do you have sweet tooth? if yes, what’s your favorite sweets? if no, why? I do! But my teeth cant always handle it :P MY favorite sweets are Boston Creme doughnuts, Reeses Cups, old fashioned glazed doughnuts, a lot of other doughnuts because man I fuckin love doughnuts, Twix, uhhhhhh yeahsunflower: would you like to be a fairy or a mermaid? I guess a mermaid :Psweet pea: what would you like to call your significant other? I call her lots of things. Bread. 2% milk. Sweetie pie. sea lavender: can you swim? which strokes can you do? I can swim, I can do the doggie paddle lolwindflower: list 5 of your favorite blogs and explain why i like them. Why would I explain why you like them?goldenrod: are you more of a baker or a cook? A cook :P My gf is the bakerbloom: what is something that you would like to tell your children? STOP EATING THE FUCKING COUCHpeony: what is something that you wish your parents could’ve told you? I dunno. Theyre not exactly full of good adviceprairie gentian: do you have a significant other? I DO!september flower: are you more of a sunrise or sunset person? Sunsetbird of paradise: do you wake up early? do you sleep early? I wake up early-ish sometimes. I also sleep early sometimes lolmarigold: what’s your favorite tea? I like just regular black tea, green tea is also nice. I once had this citrus and something else black tea that was PHENOMENAL! peruvian lily: what are the names of your pets? Casper, Charlie, Oscar, Otis, Boogie, Lady, Po, Dobby, Yoda, Frizzo, Carter, Lucifer (Lucy), Gizmo, Bones, Sheep, and Izzyhyacinth: do you name your plants? I will when we get some!lilac: would you rather sleep and be cozy or hang out with your friends? Both? Both is good.poppy: do you like to dip your fries or do you like it as is? It depends on my mood really loldandelion: any special talent that you have? I can make weird noises with my mouth lol

[hellbloomer]

i been noticing ... I’m not a victim in my dreams like I’m not being overcome with heaviness or someshit anymore in my dreamworld im fully free and having fun most nights.

i been paying attention and seeing how much my beliefs changed n how my subconscious is like hell ya bro real shit! i haven’t been chased by fuckin shadows or whatever but I’m making songs n laughing wit my heroes man..

it’s like im slowly turning into a butterfly fuck that caterpillar form im growing wings im so reborn lol