#cause of my fucking adhd or whatever | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strawbearydreams · 1 month

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#so ive never really done a vent post like this on here (or anywhere for that matter)#so idrk how this is gonna go but ig im gonna try it anyway cause idrk what else to do at this point lmao #look. listen. i know. i know *logically* that if i did die or disappear or whatever i know people would miss me #i know people would be sad and heartbroken and i know people care about me listen. i *know*#but i just. i cant help but think that everything would be better if i just. wasnt here #like. i just feel like such a burden to everyone around me. like i feel like i make everyones life actively worse #especially my dad #god he deserves so much better than me #i treat him so fucking badly like. all he asks of me is to keep my spaces clean and i just fucking. dont #i let the shit and the garbage pile up until hes overwhelmed cause i cant fucking bring myself to do simple fucking human tasks #cause of my fucking adhd or whatever #even though thats just an excuse #i should be able to do these things! i should be able to function like a normal human being!#i should be able to keep up with my hygiene and my chores and my school and work responsibilities!#but i cant! i fucking cant!#god im so fucking tired im fighting. im so tired of trying over and over and over again all for it to not fucking matter in the end #cause im right back where i fucking started #god all of this is just a shitty excuse to continue being a shit fucking human being #i dont even feel human anymore lol i feel *less* than human #god i wish i was less than human. i wish i was a fucking dog or something #that way i wouldnt have to worry about this bullshit world #that says a lot about me huh #im gonna end it there #ignore this pls #vent #tw vent

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hydatiid · 9 months

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oh was 1 yr on T a couple days ago but almost forgot cause i be Working so much god

#its been awesome! slow but.#not sure if its like that cause of uhhh. the type im getting but whatever #also fucking forgot to pay my deposit to secure my psychiatrist appointment so. not getting that anymore fuuuuck #<- getting tested for adhd.#<- forgets to pay.#the misery.....#i work like 6 days in a row a lot at the moment at its fun but wauughhghhh #forgot to take my tenner at work again today too..#BUT i love money so. its fine #but am also falling behind in my study for vet nursing.#ahhhhhhhhh. this is me just having an excuse to not be studying rn actually. i wanna play rdr2

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transjudas · 5 months

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it’s so funny that when i was in my late teens and early twenties i was like noooo i can’t take medication for my mental illness i’ll be on it for the rest of my life and now in my thirties i’m feeling like ash ketchum and medication is my pokémon come on baby let’s go

#and by come on baby let’s go i mean i almost definitely have adhd #so when i needed to give the people who would do my adhd dx asked for my insurance card #that i’m pretty sure i accidentally threw away cause it is GONE #i just ghosted them for like 3 months til today when i was like #FUCK I NEED TO EMAIL THE MEDICAID PPL TO SEE IF I CAN GET A NEW CARD #the sisyphus of pokémon trainers or whatever

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tiredstressedemotionalmess · 8 months

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me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once???#idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

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opens-up-4-nobody · 9 months

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#aaaand that's 2 doctors that think i have bipolar ii 🙃#so the conceptualize rn would b that my mood is fucked but im using ocd to keep myself contained withing sorta normal parameters #which. i mean. that does kinda fit with observationally. i would create rules around: u arent allowed to get excited abt things u arent #allowed to enjoy things bc u cant handle it. u cant b normal abt how u enjoy things. or bc when i go to enjoy a thing #my mood is caped at being lightly miserable so its like well fuck being around ppl it makes me feel nothing #bc my focus and energy swing around like the light on a lighthouse. and in between that im miserable or feel nothing #and if its true that i am bipolar the reason i never noticed would b bc i very rarely experience euphoria. mostly i have high energy and #dont feel good. just fucking out of control. so mixed episodes i guess. but like idk. i guess i just think of bipolar as being extremely #destructive. and i mean r my mood issues a problem? yes. sometimes a really big problem. but idk. im still resistant to thr idea #lots of ppl get misdiagnosed as bipolar even tho the presentation is so specific. i guess i just doesn't wanna accept it and then have to #have been wrong if i was misdiagnosed. but i mean 2 doctors independently listened to me and thought hm sounds like bipolar so maybe im #just being stubborn. also no one else in my family thst i kno of is bipolar. ive got 2 uncles with adhd but not bipolar relatives #i dunno. i guess it doesn't matter so long as i can get it under control. im good at control. destructively good at control #unrelated #i guess its more that ive never done anything life ruining bc of my moods #mostly i just dont sleep much and make myself crazy. so ill probably die an early death or whatever lack og sleep causes rio #i meant rip lol

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monty-glasses-roxy · 14 days

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Hi I'm on a road trip (not currently driving, don't worry), what's up with you?

Ohhh roadtrip!!! Sounds fun!!!

And I'm sat with energy to talk but nothing to talk about, nothing out of the ordinary here. Eating jazzies though which is nice.

How's your trip going so far?

#eating jazzies instead of the actual proper food right in front of me adhd style #fucking hate my brain sometimes man like surely if need food you eat food but nah that's crazy #who would do that? that doesn't make any sense and is absolutely not the cause of any problems ever! /s #also tumblr mobile is breaking more by the day so there's nothing on here at all :(#you've got me thinking about roadtrips now btw #thank fuck for that this is the first concept that I've both understood and not been depressed by I've seen on here all day #seriously all i see is shit like whatever the discourse around rap is and a bunch of people I've never heard of #and tumblr is pushing fandoms I've ALSO never heard of so that's fun :/#roadtrip sounds fun though who doesn't love a roadtrip?

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ozymoron · 2 months

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dude its always "be yourself" till youre trans and now suddenly oh i get to nitpick every little thing about you oh that gesture was very feminine made you look like a girl oh youre wearing a shirt thats cream coloured? seems a little feminine to me oh you paint your nails? so youre a girl after all like ???? youre giving me mixed messages here am i meant to be myself or am i meant to conform to your idea of what a man is in order to be accepted as one by you

#⚠️#one time after i came out my mum saw me lounging around in a black t shirt and she was like oh it made you look like a man thinking it was #compliment but dude i got so mad i was like for fuck sake is that seriously what i have to do to be considered a man is lounge around in a #black t shirt??? lounging around is masculine???? what????????#i was also just a very angry person in general but still that really confuses me #had a psychiatrist note down shit about my appearance saying whether they thought it was feminine or masculine (they thought it was all #feminine) which was fucking crazy cause i went in for an adhd diagnosis #people just find out youre trans and suddenly start acting like experts on whats feminine and whats masculine and what makes you either #gender like shut the fuck up #can also come from people who they themselves accept some cis men are feminine and some cis women are masculine but suddenly as soon as you #try to transition now you have to be masculine or be feminine or youre not valid in their eyes #its fucking crazy #like if i showed them a dude with long hair theyd be like thats a dude with long hair but as soon as i have my hair long im told to cut it #i can show them a dude in a skirt and theyd probably laugh thinking its funny or some bullshit but theyd still think its a dude in a skirt #but if i wear a skirt suddenly im a girl #i know at the root of all this they truly believe people cant switch genders cause in their minds sex and gender is the same but still its #so annoying especially when they pretend to be accepting or think theyre being accepting and when you challenge them on their transphobia #they get all mad at you and act like youre being rude for criticizing them for doing the bare minimum whilst also just continuing to be #transphobic #like yeah you use my correct name but when im not around you use she/her for me and you say i **want** to be a boy instead of i am a boy bu #when i talk to you about this suddenly im the bad guy like its my fault youre using language for me thats transphobic #like ok man. whatever.#sorry for asking you to be a decent fucking human being toward me and treat me with respect #its like people just treat trans peoples gender like something they can just dismiss like its nothing liek we're just playing pretend or #something #like god its frustrating. i need to cut my mum out of my life fr

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dino--draws · 7 months

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"I'm adding it to my reading list" I say about any SCP thing I hear.

<- fir ass does NOT have a reading list. it's in fir brain and fi has the memory of a squirrel on ketamine. Half are forgotten. The other half is shit fi's already read but would read again in a heartbeat

#scp #im. normal i promise #but oh my god #i wanna read more no return shit #i wanna read jade proposal #im GOING to read gold proposal #i wanna read og43 (at least. a little. one million words christ alive)#i need to read more 120a aside from ggg #i wanna reak more cotbg and sarkik shit #i will likely just end up re-reading the man in the white suit or smoking mirror because it makes my autistic brain happy #HOWEVER #god i forgot i was told to read 4000 cause its up my alley [NAME/IDENTITY HORROR]#also i wanna read the other ADMO things ive read termination attempt and the new one #FUCK ME I KEEP FORGETTING TO ACTUALLY FINISH THERE IS NO ANTIMEMETIC DIVISION #everything is antimemetic when youre fucking. whatever i am. autism adhd hellcocktail idk

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cherry-shipping · 10 months

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i think its awesome how every single one of my f/os, romantic or otherwise, would smoke weed with me EXCEPT dave. hed joke about it but if i asked him he would be so fucking scared. mf would never

#and thats MY TRUTH!!!!!!!#like i ask him and he says yes out of instinct so i set everything up and start to just like walk him through the basics #but he just chickens out. he does NOT smoke WEED im SERIOUS!!!!!!#hes scared little scared idiot baby little fucking loser cant pick up a blunt #he wishes he could cause its cool or whatever but he could never. or alternafively he doesnt get affected due to adhd #but hes too scared to say anything so he just. pretends #i dont care if this is ooc maybe he smokes when hes older but if you asked him before like 25 hed be so scared #cherry chats #im going to bed. im just mourning the 2g i LOST awhile back #like i just. forgot where i put it. and i havent been able to find it so i havent gotten high in like. months LMFAO #shit lets be rails ill be the shoosh to your pap #that said i bet he loves messing with me while im high. hes like the worlds trolliest trip sitter #and by troll i obviously dont mean the. homestuck kind. whatever you get it #hed think thats so fun hes so great

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iishmael · 1 year

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i managed to open the email I need to reply to on my laptop and now I can’t even LOOK at the screen anymore,,, honestly fascinating behaviour at this point

#I’m buffering #I will look at it within the next ten to fifteen minutes my brain just needs to buffer up before the task idk how to explain it #but fuck #i don’t even know if it’s adhd or whatever that’s causing this but for fucks sake #@ my brain let me do my shit I have work to do #shut up Sam

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reginaofdoctorwho · 1 year

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talking to a guy and he’s like “how the fuck do you have all this shit memorized?” my brother in christ i memorized a movie as a kid because i got bored during state tests