#cf rambles

[localratwithcowboyhat]

Ahw what’s this, the Human nervous system what a silly lill guy look at him. Look at him CAUSING ME SO MANNY FUCKING PROBLEMS

[cfcreative]

After your biggest self indulgent headcannon with the famed moon lesbians, I've wanted to ask you about your personal headcannons when it comes to the characterisation of both Aylin and Isobel.

In my experience in playthroughs, I feel like I got Aylin's character down pretty well. Bold to the point of recklessness, unyeildingly loyal to the ones she loves, loud and unapologetic but deeply rage full and stubborn.

But I'm pretty stumped on Isobel. I've tried getting extra dialogue from her before she's reunited with Aylin but I just feel like the one scene isn't enough.

What do you think about her character?

Oh, wow, my first ask! And about Aylin & Isobel, of all things. Genuinely delighted by this development.

(DISCLAIMER: I’ll never declare myself an expert on these characters. My reads on them are based on a healthy knowledge of writing, tropes, and speculations spinning off of personal experiences. Unless Larian has put it in the game or game related materials, it’s all headcanons. Cheers!)

I'll put a TL;DR up front (or my "thesis statement" if you want to get academic with it). Isobel and Aylin make each other "more human" primarily by being opposites in the way they express themselves. Aylin is bold, fearsome, and brash. Isobel is composed, sensible, and calculating (while “calculating,” tends to have negative connotations, I'm more leaning into it in a "she's a planner where Aylin is a do-er" way.)

I do hope you’re ready for a ramble, because I have been working on this on-and-off all day.

One of the most important things to keep in mind is Isobel was raised in a house in mourning.

The kind of epic grief Kethric would have gone through upon the loss of his wife would have forever altered the way he acted towards Isobel, beyond making sure she was raised as a Selûnite per Melodia’s wishes. The Kethric we’re presented in game is a fairly controlled man. He's unlikely to be the kind of person who would show his young daughter how deeply his sorrow wounded him; he'd keep his weeping behind closed doors. What distraught adults forget is that children understand and see way more than they're given credit for. Young Isobel would be acutely aware of her father’s pain, and the fact that he hid it. She was a child coping with her own sorrow, and would have looked to her father's example of how to deal with it: she'd learn she was allowed to care deeply, but she could not present that to others. Melodia's death also likely motivated Isobel to become a powerful cleric relatively quickly—a powerful enough cleric might have been able to heal her mother, might have spared her and her father this agony.

The Thorms, being a family of power and privilege in Reithwin, would have been treated by most of the people around them with formal manners, which would be isolating for a child. Everyone in Reithwin would frame Isobel as Kethric Thorm’s beloved daughter, a child without a mother, the devotee of Selûne. They would treat her with respect tinged with pity, never really knowing her... which would be even more isolating.

That's why Isobel is struck by Aylin so immediately (you know, aside from Aylin being a tall blonde sculpture of a woman). Every one of Aylin’s emotions are BIG and outward-facing. Most people approaching “The General” or “The General’s Daughter” would default to near ceremonial conduct. Dame Aylin wouldn’t see the need! Aylin cares strongly about justice, and defending the weak against the wicked, and everyone knows that about her in ten minutes of meeting her, tops. Aylin is passionate and sincere in that passion. Isobel would have been drawn to that, despite the fact that her upbringing still dictates composure.

You can also witness the emotion/composure contrast in the way Isobel reunites with Aylin after Kethric is finally dead. Aylin falls to her knees, picks Isobel up, spins her around. Isobel is overjoyed, but also more reserved. Her emotions are not in grand gestures but in the trembling of her voice—she’s trying to hold herself together.

(If you haven't seen it, there's a Devnote that specifically states that Isobel's delighted by Aylin's demanding people shove off and let her do unspeakable things to Isobel in private. Isobel scolds her angel for acting that way in public, but once those two are alone...)

This is where I circle back on “calculating.” Because it's not just in reuniting with Aylin that Isobel has had to hold herself together. She's been doing that for months....

Imagine yourself in Isobel's position before the start of the game. One moment you’re in your comfortable, warm home, trying to work out how to reconcile your devoted father and your angel, the two people dearest to your heart. Then you blink… and open your eyes in a cold, dusty tomb. It reeks of death. So does your father, who is telling you your beloved is no more. His lips are curling up in an ever-so-slight smile as he delivers the news. The sheer confusion and panic most people would feel in that moment would be overwhelming.

Isobel could have panicked and fled, but that tomb is filled with bones and Kethric is now the Chosen of Myrkul. Where Aylin would charge in and through, inherently trusting her own strength, Isobel would need to craft a plan. Maybe she would play on her father’s emotions until she found herself in a position to run. Maybe she prepares haste or hold person under her breath, or unleashed a well-timed "turn undead." In any case, Isobel is able to pull herself together and escape in such a way that her father cannot follow. She finds a familiar place and sets up a bastion of protection there. Rather than fleeing the Shadowlands altogether, which is what most people would have done, Isobel starts gathering information. She needs to know what happened to her, her family, and her lover. She needs to know why there’s Sharran magic literally everywhere. She is alone, trying to piece together a confusing story she was part of, and somehow the driving force of after she was killed.

Harpers arrive to deal with the threat of Kethric Thorm like they did a century before. Jaheira would have been a legend even when Isobel was a child, but Isobel makes the very conscious choice not to tell Jaheira her true identity. She doubles down on that when Tav and their companions come through... unless they have proof of who she is beforehand. (In this way Shadowheart and Isobel are hilariously in contrast: the Selûnite is a much better secret-keeper than the Sharran.) So I think that all covers "composed, sensible, and calculating" with regards to Isobel, but when writing from her PoV I think you would have a very rich inner dialogue in line with the ideals Aylin outwardly expresses: Isobel wants to comfort and protect the weak, she's loyal to the ones she loves, and feels strongly and deeply. Once she and Aylin are together again, Isobel's presentation shifts. Where Isobel is a grounding force for Aylin (thinking about how Isobel would have had to explain to Aylin why she was upset Aylin went on a month long walk without warning), Aylin pulls Isobel out of that carefully crafted shell of hers (thus my statement re: making each other "more human.") I haven't yet written any (complete) fan fiction for these two but this fic on A03 (fair waring: it's smutty!) really altered my thoughts as to what Aylin and Isobel could have been like prior to Isobel's untimely death. While I love to joke about Aylin ALWAYS TALKING IN ALL CAPS, there's something to be said for writing her along the lines of a courtly knight-errant. Aylin worships Isobel in a way people worship Selune; she's Isobel's most fervent devotee. Isobel is swept away by love at first sight, but still needs to navigate her father's delicate emotions and her own responsibilities. I firmly believe anyone writing anything in the timeframe of the game or beyond it needs to consider their past, even if they have no plans of writing anything of the sort.

I could probably go on for another um... 13 or so paragraphs (😅) but it's proooobably better if I wrap this up. I hope this gives you some things to think about, and helps a bit with whatever you're working on!

[jennmakesitweird]

I'm tired.

I used to have energy. I used to be productive. I could make a big 'to-do' list and take pride in checking off each item as it was finished. Now getting more than one thing done per day is a huge accomplishment (and will likely mean I'm extra exhausted tomorrow).

I used to be creative. I could spend hours at my computer writing or designing. I had creative hobbies, too, DIY-ing things. By December 1st I'd have dozens of handmade gifts ready to go for the holidays. Not this year. Now I can spend - at most - an hour doing any one of those things before everything becomes a jumble and my brain seizes up and taps out. (Only one thing per day, though! Don't want to over-exert myself!)

I used to get up early. I would exercise: daily yoga, walks, roller skating. Now I sleep as long as I can. I drag my aching body out of bed and hope that maybe today it won't be too bad, that I'll be able to move around without pain. I'm exhausted by 8pm.

This isn't old age.

This isn't menopause.

I can't work. I can't enjoy life anymore. I see everything that I loved about my life - about ME - slipping away. I want to be silly again. I miss my sense of humor. I don't want to lose these worlds and stories and fantastical ideas I've had rattling around in my brain. I don't want to lose hope.

This is chronic illness, I guess. Chronic fatigue. Fibromyalgia. Long Covid. Whatever they want to call it. All I know is that it's breaking me.

I'm tired. And I'm sad. And I want my life back.

[its-coda]

All of the ghost trick merch i made for myself!!

[pangyham]

GAH LONG POST..

xingqiu and chongyun have insanely good potential for angst my god. xingqiu in particular is so fun to think about in the context of chongyun. what do YOU know about chivalry boy

thinking about how he and hu tao kinda operate on similar notions of justice and all that shmick except hu tao is more strictly averse to disrupting the Natural Order (incredibly vague and generalized concept rn sorry) whilst xingqiu sets his principles more arbitrarily. chongyun's presence somehow foils a lot of his notable character traits. gestures hands vaguely in the air but sth sth hu tao would not approve of xq's moral infractions

perhaps im just reading too deep into this but shrugs ill admit something's changed in Me the last 2 years and coming back to xq and cy has me like. scratches head now hold on im not entirely sure if i even like the way xq treats cy. its kinda one of the main points of their dynamic- the whole.. pranking this oblivious guy who i really adore etc. but its deeper implications leave me a little unsatisfied and a little troubled (?).. in the long run i personally dont really see anything substantially appealing about their (leaning towards romantic in this context) relationship other than like ?? the tropes that mhy imposed upon them. they were created as a compatible Duo ykwim. they reference each other a lot in their lore and even in-game but.. idk maybe i just view them separately instead of a joint unit that anaylzing them individually revealed a lot of crevices and cracks in their ship that's built upon their mainstream appeal

but anyway i've thought a lot about them as a duo and is it nuts to say i like them as a romantic ship but if they were unrequited. i can see them working out but it necessitates a complete subversion and reconstruction of xingqiu (chara development basically LOL) on my part that i would totally invest myself in but im not entirely sure how to execute it

i like xingqiu a LOT as a flawed character. i wouldnt go as far as to say hes toxic, just very conflicted and insecure. hes a fun character to think about. re: the hu tao bit i mentioned above, i think they would have a really fun, witty, and transformative friendship

but anyway. yes i like xq and i still like xy. theyre just a bit more complicated now aha. im still capable of enjoying fluffy ship dynamics but lately ive been in a Character Study Mood ... mmm.. ive yet to organize my chongming thoughts

[mixed-up-metaphors]

unfortunately i will not be explainign this either

good luck following along, numbering the parts barely helped lol (also my handwriting is a disaster)

[dazzlerazz]

I should play CF again with a fresh clear head just to see if I actually like it without fandom bullshit clouding my mind

[spooniepumpkin]

[unveilandresist]

I don't believe in individual problems for the most part. while our struggles may look different the dehumanization of systems that harm affect us all. I'm very disabled/chronically ill and neurodivergent; sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me that I struggle with this or that and then I see other people struggling too and I remember, oh, we are punishing ourselves for not behaving predictably, producing effectively, machinelike in the way capitalism wants us to be.

there are so many ways we are hard on ourselves and so much of it is externally imposed. you are not a machine, you are a living creature. you are alive and there are so many ways of being a person that don't fit into the tiny box that makes you most compliant, most machinelike and efficient and agreeable and nonthreatening. what do you really value? if you feel defiance, kindle that fire within you. it has so much to teach about being alive and human. life is not about working till you die. all the tiny moments of defiance and pleasure you can get are vital. holding the grief and the joy together.

[scorndotexe]

mothers when your chronic fatigue is chronic and you're fatigued

[kaija-rayne-author]

I went thrifting with the kids a couple of days ago and I'm still in so much pain it's making me teary. I don't cry easy. My therapist scolds me about it. 5 hours of shopping with two well behaved kids and I sat down through most of it. I could really use a wheelchair, but I can’t afford one. It would have to be electric, because my EDS is degenerative.

Guess I'm stuck in bed again.

I really wish people would understand that I would give so much to be able to just... live. Even the limited existence I had before covid was better than it is now. I can't go to a movie, or the zoo, or the aquarium. I leave the house for supplies and medical care. That is literally it. I risk my immunocompromised life every time I leave the house because people won't mask. I risk my minor children's lives and my partner's too. We're all immunocompromised.

I used to hike, ride horses, dance, bike, practice 3 types of martial arts.

Then I caught swine flu and my body gave up. I was diagnosed with me/cfs (which is now usually considered a post viral illness, meaning you got sick with a virus and never got better).

Then 3 years ago, I caught version 6 of the first wave of covid. I barely survived, but I never got better.

I honestly can't imagine how people can be so blasé about viruses. They can absolutely destroy your life. They've destroyed mine. I was healthy! I exercised and ate well! I was vaccinated! (Antivaxxers fuck off. I have science degrees, you're really badly misinformed.) I did everything right and it still took me down.

There's nothing you can do behavior wise that will guard you from viruses except masking, vaccinations, and social distancing. Setting up air cleaning options helps too, but since we can't even get people to mask, I'm not holding my breath on that one. (Har, har, I'm hilarious.) Vaccinations are imperative, but they don't do anything for transmission. They exist so that if you do get it, you have a better chance of survival.

And humanity could have defeated this illness 3 years ago. Except because selfish people wanted their 'normal' back... we didn't. PSA? Your 'normal' sucked a lot for disabled people already. It's worse now.

I do the best I can, but it has robbed me of so much. My scientific career, my ability to make a living that doesn't mean just scraping by well under the poverty line.

I can't hike anymore, or bike, the brain knowledge of my decades in martial arts and dance is still there, but I probably couldn't take a hit anymore. Being around horses again is an impossible dream.

Hell, just getting out of bed some days is an impossible dream.

I have nightmares of being without a mask, and people walk around bare faced.

I fucking guarantee there isn't a 'fun' thing on this planet that is worth living like I do.

The worst isn't when the virus kills you, it's when you survive it and have so little ability left.

And more people survive SC19 than die from it. They survive, but millions of people are already disabled from it and the numbers rise every day.

How are people not fucking terrified? How?

[chronicallyillrenegade]

I think I just had an epiphany about one of the reasons why I get so annoyed when my loved ones act all sad about the realities of me living with a chronic illness, especially when I fully understand why they're sad about it.

I think one of the major reasons is I already finished grieving about this loss, I was sad and even now sometimes I get hit with how much I've lost, but I'm done grieving I'm content with how my life is right now, sure it's not what I wanted, and sure I can't do everything the average person can do, and sure I spend most of my days in some level of pain. But it's just life you know? People are rarely happy about everything they got going on. And everyone loses something or someone from time to time. Be it a friend or family, or a snack you really liked that was discontinued, but it doesn't mean you should wallow in grief about it for all time.

But when people who have known me for years, who live with me and know what my day to day is like and can see that I'm living my life the best I can. But still feel the need to mourn for me? It kinda feels like they think I'm like? I donno how to put this but like I should still be grieving, or like I AM still grieving but lying about it when I'm really not.

I have amazing supportive friends I love, and even tho it's because of my shitty health I still have all the time in the world to spend doing things I enjoy. And I'm lucky enough that I have parents with a solid enough financial situation that I don't have to feel even a little guilty about the financial burden I'm placing on them. Life isn't perfect, but it's good. And I wish my loved ones would believe me when I tell them that instead of thinking I'm just being "strong"

[girlmadeofstarlight]

The writers are making me 🤦‍♀️ because less than SIX months to plan a wedding?!

But the more I think about it the more I try to find reasonable explanations:

She's planning a wedding with her fiance clear across the country! Even with her friends there she still needs her fiance for his input.

She just adopted her daughter. Finding time to build the connection is very important and also settling in as a family.

Visiting Matt, probably several times, to also reconnect and rebuild their relationship and bond with the Darden boys.

Another another note, my thoughts on tonight's episode.

"I FINALLY GET TO MARRY MATT CASEY"!!!!!!!!!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

To be honest Severide was annoying me this episode. Cruz did step up while you were away so I get his frustration (although he could have also toned his huffing abit) about having to take a step back. I do hope he does take the Lieutenants test.

Violet being chosen as maid of honor. While I would have chosen Stella I get why Violet was chosen. She was really there for Sylvie last season. Plus with Gallo gone and she is soon losing her friend and Ambo partner it seemed like Violet was holding on to something familiar and wanting to help plan Sylvie's wedding. She seems up for the task and has the time. *But note to writers, you can have more than one MOD - Violet can be Maid of Honor and Stella can be Matron of Honor.

Still not onboard with the Violet/Carver pairing. Can we give Violet a break from romance until next season? Also, wasn't he still pining over Stella not to long ago?

I am looking forward to next weeks episode!

[saviourkingslut]

lmao was at a small social event at a colleague's home. conversation turned to video games. i drop the name fire emblem. turns out two guys present know the franchise. one of them has played three houses but only crimson flower, he's firmly on the left but somehow also seems convinced she was the good one for abolishing the nobility (anti-establishment/monarchy/capitalism etc) and fighting 'the monsters' (he has never played another fe game and is unfamiliar with their stories so to him monsters = bad). i disagree with him (in a normal way bc otherwise he's a nice guy). another guy asks for my opinion on her and the writing in general. cue me info dumping abt this game for 15 mins looking generally deranged.

[not-available-for-comment]

Hell yeah, biological evidence of post-exertional malaise!

Hoping Long Covid & ME/CFS sufferers can grind this in the faces of every doctor who told them to push through it.

Signed, someone who had to sleep 14 hours after going into the office on Monday

[likesunsetorange]

i finished the ballad of songbirds and snakes and i will truly never enjoy someone’s writing as much as i do suzanne collins. the way she perfectly encapsulates narrative perspective and her world building is otherworldly. all of the foreshadowing and symbolism within the book is so beautiful too.

all of her characters are so well written and it’s so easy to put yourselves into their shoes, even the villians. like reading the prequel truly made snow one of my favorite book villains, he’s such an interesting character and i love seeing his descent into becoming a tyrannical leader.

i was so hesitant about reading it bc i always wanted a book from one of the other tributes’ perspectives (just out of preference) but snow’s perspective honestly adds so much to the trilogy and honestly makes it feel complete. there’s never been a book series i’ve enjoyed more than hers, and she’s such a beautiful writer, the series stands so important and relevant even over a decade later.