#character more than anything else. i feel like this is most obvious/egregious in the forgotten turnabout where they literally make her

[the-judicial-assistants-notebook]

It's not that I don't love that she was there, but Kay really had no business being in AAI2

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Manga Review - Fragtime (Complete Series)

I recall reading the first few chapters of Fragtime on Manga Cross and not being very impressed. I did not care for it much, as, other than the time stopping element, it was mostly generic and had a few too many unsavory elements. I was content to let it rest and be forgotten along with a hundred other girl-meets-girl school Yuri romances until Tear Studio and the people behind the excellent Kase-san and Morning Glories OVA announced an anime adaptation of the work, a full five years after it ended. Inevitably an English adaptation of Sato’s original manga was announced, and so here I am, somewhat reluctantly reading and reviewing the two-volume series. It may sound like I am pessimistic or already had my mind made up, but that is not true. I went into Fragtime with as open a mind as possible, and I am happy to say that I did find several favorable aspects that appealed to me. Sadly, the manga mostly lived up to my poor initial impressions from all those years ago.

Fragtime follows timid high school student Moritani Misuzu, who can stop time for three minutes a day. While using her power, she attempts to look up the skirt of one of her classmates, Haruka Murakami. To her horror, Moritani discovered that Haruka is the one person immune to her ability. The two form an unlikely friendship and spend those few minutes when all others freeze together. As Moritani’s feelings for Haruka grow, her powers begin to fade, throwing their time together in jeopardy.

At first, this story appears to have some promise, along with some obvious issues. The supernatural aspect of Moritani’s powers and its connection to her emotions and relationship with Haruka provide excellent possibilities and avenues to explore the series’ romance and characters. Sadly, Sato delivers an unwieldy story with unlikeable and inconsistent subjects, a poorly paced narrative, and far too many sleazy moments to excuse. This last point is the most prominent of all and will be a turn off for many readers, myself very much included.

Moritani begins the story by “upskirting” one of her classmates. It is later revealed that she reveled in exploring the time-frozen school to pry into people’s most intimate moments, many of which frankly do not happen in schools nearly as much as the story would like to believe. Following this event are multiple scenes with characters flashing each other their panties, or else stripping to whatever the opposite of readers’ delight is. These moments are not sexy, and while a few of them appear to have been attempts at comedy, they will elicit few laughs. These factors create an overwhelming blanket of immature perversion that stifles any enjoyment in the audience and characters.

Another egregious element is a plotline where Haruka is continually sexually abused by her teacher, something used by her to manipulate Moritani, then joked about, and never resolved despite being referenced a good half-dozen times throughout the manga. More than anything, this speaks to Fragtime’s inability to treat its characters with any respect or focus on a plot arc and complete it satisfactorily. For indeed, even if one undergoes the arduous task of shrugging off the uncomfortable fanservice, there is not much noteworthy content left underneath.

Fragtime’s highschool Yuri romance plot is pretty unextraordinary. Even though it did attempt to include a few interesting plot points, like when Haruka and Moritani begin dating partway through the series, it is not awful, but too often, these plots are picked up and then never resolved properly, such as Moritani struggle to avoid the ping-pong club, and her discomfort after finding out about Haruka’s boyfriend. Yet, there were some positives along the way, sweet moments between characters or satisfying actions taken by them. It is just hard to find one uninterrupted by an unwelcome twist or panty flash. The one unconditional plus I will give is that I really liked the ending. There is a fantastic scene of role-reversal where the usually quiet Moritani confesses all the mischief to her and Haruka committed to the class and reveals the truth of their relationship and her feelings for Haruka. Afterward, a stunned Haruka is forced into a crisis of character and her true self is seemingly revealed. It is appropriately dramatic and delivers a fulfilling ending for the characters. Sadly, these revelations and character arcs are not supported by the rest of the story.

A manga like Fragtime lives or dies by its characters. Readers will sympathize with likable characters met with appropriate challenges and growth, or else they will laugh with endearing figures who try their best despite their flaws. Sadly, Fragtime’s Haruka is neither. Haruka is instantly dislikable, manipulating Moritani upon their first meeting, and does little to improve. She often jumps between ignoring Moritani and controlling her, demanding that she only use her powers at her command. These traits are never addressed, and the whole time readers are expected to accept that she is an unreachable beauty, and we should love her alongside Moritani. She is hopelessly inconsistent, apparently changing personalities and acquiring new traits at the drop of a hat so that Sato can shoehorn a new element of drama into the convoluted romance. The ultimate motivation behind her character, how she tries to please everyone and do what they want her to, is contrary to half her actions, and everything we have learned about her up to that point, making the reveal in the penultimate chapter, which is well-executed, feel forced.

Even through all the misery, convolution, and smut, there were, thankfully, some great moments sprinkled throughout Fragtime, mostly from Moritani. I loved seeing Moritani in the moments when she struggled with jealousy and accidentally stopped time, or else was uncertain about how Haruka would react when she confessed something to her. It was really human and relatable, and if only she were not going around looking up girls’ skirts, she would have been an excellent character. It also helps that her journey is also much more believable than Haruka’s, as Sato mostly keeps her story and development moving at a steady pace.

Moritani is much more consistent than Haruka. She starts the series as a timid and quiet girl, using her ability to run from confrontation or frankly, any form of human interaction. Once she meets Haruka and the solace of those frozen minutes is taken from her, she is understandably confused and traumatized. She even has a few moments of growth through the series, taking more confidence in herself as she plants a pair of panties (yup this again) on Haruka’s cheating boyfriend’s head. It is almost enough to sell her eventual ending and deliver a complete character.

Finally, we come to the art, which is good though not extraordinary. Characters have distinct designs and are consistent. Backgrounds and details are well managed, and nothing ever caught my eye as warped or out of place. However, there is not much that jumps out either for its quality. Sato uses very basic paneling, which is easy to read by also just slightly dull. The time-stopping elements were crying out for some sweeping panels of objects frozen mid-movement, but we never got any such content. In fact, there is no noticeable change in the art during those movements when time is stopped, other than Misuzu and Haruka acting like a pervert and exhibitionist respectively. If the writing did not specify when time was stopped or started, readers would have no idea.

Fragtime has an interesting concept but neither the grace nor charm to pull it off completely. The story is meandering and clumsily tries and fails to incorporate heavy topics and complex characterization into a generic Yuri school romance. The characters, particularly Haruka, are mostly unlikeable and wildly inconsistent, and readers have to force themselves to cheer for them or event finish this two-volume series. Most of all, Fragtime leaves an unpleasant and unsettling feeling with all its sleazy fanservice and perverted set pieces, clearly attempting to cater to specific audiences while utterly misunderstanding how teenage girls, or frankly, sane human beings, act. Any silver linings in its more relatable moments and competent presentation are whisked away by a mixture of contempt and disgust. Sadly, I do not recommend this manga, although I do appreciate that Seven Seas published the whole series in one omnibus volume so that it takes up less space on my bottom shelf.

Ratings: Story – 3 Characters – 4 Art – 6 LGBTQ – 2 Sexual Content – 7 Final – 3

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment

Purchase Fragtime in paperback and digitally today: https://amzn.to/32mzVmg

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[buzzdixonwriter]

Cowboys And Cavemen

This one’s gonna meander, but it’s about cavemen and cowboys and dinosaurs, so some of you may wanna stick around…

. . .

Recently watched the colorized version of One Million B.C. with Victor mature, Carole Landis, and Lon Chaney Jr.

I remember frequently watching the original black & white version of this as a kid; it popped up on local Early Shows a lot primarily because it could be chopped down to fit an hour’s running time without losing too much of the story (Early Shows were afternoon movies with a local host that typically ran only 90 minutes from 4:30-6pm; with commercials and host segments there wasn’t much room for uncut films and as a result they featured a lot of B-movies with 65 minute running times, or else cut out sequences from longer films not germane to the plot).

The colorized version surprised me in a couple of ways.  

First, I’d forgotten just how well done One Million B.C. is in basic film making terms:  Once past the opening scene, in which an archeologist explains some cave drawings to a group of mountaineers who then imagine themselves in prehistoric times, there’s no recognizable dialog; the film is told in purely visual terms.

Second, the colorization was incredibly sloppy:  There’s a lot of weird blue artifacting going on that lays a strange mist-like quality over several scenes, and in several places the colorists inexplicably either colored the actors’ bare legs blue or else overlooked the mistake in the final color correction.

Third, the sloppy colorization doesn’t matter:  If anything, it adds to the weird dream-like quality of the film.  As an attempt to realistically recreate the prehistoric past, it’s gawdawful; taken as the imaginings of an average contemporary 1940s person with no real knowledge of prehistoric times (viz the prolog), and it’s pretty entertaining.

Technically the movie is a mixed bag.  The special effects are pretty seamless (yeah, you can tell when something is a rear screen shot, but then again rear screen shots in every film of that era were obvious)).  A travelling matte shot of a hapless cavewoman buried under a flood of lava is particularly well done and as amazing today as it was then (though the colorists dropped the ball and didn’t tint it a vivid red or orange in the colorized version).

There’s a lot of monsters, but they range from well done to just plaine…well…

The best are a woolly mammoth (i.e., an elephant in shaggy fur costume) and a baby triceratops (a large pig in costume) that really seem to capture the essence pf those creatures.

The worst is a guy in an allosaurus suit who kinda just shuffles along like a grandparent going to the bathroom, and in the middle are various lizards dressed up with fins and horns.

The lizards bother me more and more over the years.  At first it was because they were disappointing -- they don’t look like dinosaurs, dammit, but like lizards with fins and horns glued on -- but now it’s because I realize they were goaded by their handlers into fights and reactions shots.

That’s plain ol’ animal cruelty, even if they are reptiles and not mammals.

There’s an armadillo and a koala-like animal that appear thousands of times their normal size.  The koala-like critter (sorry, but I don’t know what it actually is) is passable as a giant cave bear or sloth, but the armadillo is just an armadillo (there was something about armadillos that 1930s audience found creepy; they’re waddling all over the Count’s hiding place in the original Dracula).

One Million B.C. was produced by Hal Roach and Hal Roach Jr.  The senior Roach goes all the way back to the silent era, so this was not a huge stretch for him.  

Originally D.W. Griffith was to direct the film, but while he did a lot of pre-production work including screen and wardrobe tests, he either dropped out or was replaced on the eve of production.  (Reportedly he wanted the cave tribes to speak recognizable English and left when Roach refused.)

The special effects wound up in a ton of movies and TV shows over the ensuing decades; modern audiences are more familiar with the film through 1950s sci-fi than its original version.

All else aside, the picture is carried by stars Victor Mature and Carole Landis.  Ms Landis in particular is a spunky, charming cave gal with a blonde-fro and while Mature would never be an Oscar contender, he at least has the physicality and screen presence to get his character across.

The scene where he thinks Landis has died in a volcanic eruption may be corny, but you can feel his character’s grief.

. . .

A quarter of a century later it was remade as One Million Years B.C. with John Richardson in the Victor mature role and Raquel Welch in the Landis role.  

No disrespect to Welch, who by all accounts is a nice person, but she never showed one iota the acting chops of Carole Landis.  Welch is beautiful, and as a generic pin-up model cast as a film’s “sexy lamp” (look it up), she presented appealing eye-candy.  She appeared in one good sci-fi film (Fantastic Voyage), one campy monster movie (i.e., One Million Years B.C.), two incredibly campy WTF-were-they-thinking movies (The Magic Christian and Myra Breckenridge), and a host of instantly forgettable spy films and Westerns.  The best movies she appeared in were Fuzz, based on the 87th Precinct novels by Ed McBain (a.k.a. Evan Hunter nee Salvatore Lombino), where she did an acceptable supporting turn as a police detective, and Kansas City Bomber, a roller derby movie that many consider her best role.

Landis never enjoyed the same level of fame (or notoriety, depending on your POV) that Welch did, but holy cow, could the gal act.  It’s a pity Hollywood is crowded with talented, beautiful people because she certainly deserved a bigger career capstone than One Million B.C..

Welch’s personal life certainly proved less traumatic than Landis’, however.  When actor Rex Harrison broken off his affair with her rather than divorce his wife, Landis committed suicide.

The scandal exiled Harrison temporarily back to England.  A few years later One Million B.C. and Landis’ other films started playing on television.

Who knows what opportunities may have opened for her in that medium?

. . .

The original One Million B.C.  is vastly superior in all areas but one (well, two -- mustn’t leave out the catfight between Welch and Martine Beswick):  Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion dinosaurs

Mind you, most of the dino scenes in One Million Years B.C. are underwhelming.  To stretch the budget the producers used close ups of spiders and an iguana to simulate giant monsters, a brontosaurus does a walk through in one scene and never appears again, and the first big dino moment has cave gals poking sharp sticks at a big sea turtle.

On the other hand, the remaining trio of dino scenes are the aces and vastly superior to their corresponding scenes in One Million B.C..  The latter film’s allosaur attack is one of the best dino scenes ever animated, and the ceratosaurus vs triceratops battle followed by the pteranodon grabbing Welch are almost as good.

Both versions of the film had an interesting influence on films that followed.  One Million Years B.C. was followed by a host of prehistoric films, most of which existed only to cast voluptuous actresses in fur bikinis although When Dinosaurs Ruled The Earth, a direct follow-up, offered more monsters and a better story.

While One Million B.C. wasn’t the first film to sub real life lizards for dinos, it certainly told budget conscious producers that such substitutions were okay.

The 1959 version of Journey To The Center Of The Earth cast iguanas with glued on fins as dimetrodons, and for once the impersonation proved successful as the two species do bear certain similarities.

Producer Irwin Allen (he of Lost In Space and Towering Inferno fame) hired Willis O;Brien (the animator behind the original King Kong) and his then assistant Ray Harryhausen to do accurate-for-the-era stop motion dinosaurs for The Animal World documentary but apparently frustrated by the time it took to get results opted for lizards in his version of The Lost World (which, ironically, O’Brien worked on in a non-animation capacity despite having done the original silent version of the film with stop motion dinosaurs).

I saw Allen’s Lost World as a little boy and felt grossly disappointed by the obvious lizards, especially since the script identified them as belong to specific dinosaur species when they quite clearly didn’t (had the script said they evolved from such creatures, the way the most recent version of King Kong did, it would have been less egregious).

Allen’s lizards popped up in several TV shows he did, most notably the TV version of Voyage To The Bottom Of The Sea.  That show’s co-star David Hedison played a supporting role in The Lost World so once a season they found some excuse to get him out of his Navy uniform and into a safari jacket in order to match footage with stock shots from the movie.

The Animal World wasn’t the first time O’Brien and Harryhausen worked together, and Harryhausen followed up One Million Years B.C. with The Valley Of Gwangi, an O’Brien project that the older effects artist never got off the ground.

. . .

Let’s back up a bit to discuss “O’Bie” (as his fans refer to him).

O’Brien was a former cowboy-turned-cartoonist around the early 20th century who became interested in animation.

Movies were in their infancy then, and O’Bie shot a short test reel of two clay boxers duking it out.

This got him financing to do a series of short films ala The Flintstones with titles like Rural Delivery, One Million B.C. (the titles were often longer than the films).

These shorts featured cartoony puppets, no actual actors.  O’Bie followed it up with The Ghost Of Slumber Mountain which was the first time dinosaurs were animated in an attempt to make them look real, and that was followed by The Lost World in which O’Bie combined live action with special effects, climaxing the film with a brontosaurus running amok in London.

O’Bie wanted to follow it up with a film called Creation but that got deep sixed.  However, producer Merian C. Cooper saw O’Bie’s test footage for Creation and hired him to do the effects for the legendary King Kong.

While O’Bie followed that success with the quickie Son Of Kong he never got to work on a dinosaur film of such scope again.

War Eagles (a lost-civilization-with-dinos story) was supposed to have been a big follow up epic, but the Depression and the growing threat of WWII caused it to be cancelled in pre-production.

During the 1940s O’Bie pitched a number of stories to studios involving dinosaurs or other monsters encountering cowboys, one of which was Gwangi (he also pitched King Kong vs Frankenstein which eventually got made as King Kong vs Godzilla using two guys in rubber suits, not his beloved stop motion effects).

Gwangi had cowboys discovering a lost canyon inhabited by dinosaurs, chief of which being Gwangi, an allosaurus.  O’Bie never got Gwangi off the ground but decades later Harryhausen did with Valley Of Gwangi.

. . .

I never cared for Valley Of Gwangi and much preferred One Million Years B.C. over it (and, no, not because of Ms Welch).

Growing up in the 1950s and early 1960s, I enjoyed cowboys as much as dinosaurs.

I’ve posted elsewhere how my interest in dinosaurs led me to dinosaur movies which led to monster movies which led to science fiction movies which led to literary science fiction which led to science fiction fandom which led to my writing career, but my genre of choice before age 10 was Westerns.

As others point out, most Westerns are actually crime stories, what with bandits robbing stagecoaches and banks, rustlers making off with cattle, etc.  The climax usually involves a lawman (or a vigilante who carries the weight of the law) confronting the evil doers and bringing them to justice.

Sometimes these vigilantes wore masks (Zorro and the Lone Ranger).  Sometimes those they pursued wore masks, and sometimes those masked villains pretended to be ghosts or phantoms.

They weren’t, and were invariably exposed as frauds.

Westerns based themselves in a rational world.

Other times a criminal in a Western would be after some invention that could bring either a great boon (say an energy source) or great harm (a death ray) to the world, and wanted it for their own selfish ends.

The story would invariably use the invention as a mcguffin device, maybe letting it figure into the villain’s eventual comeuppance, but never really influencing the outcome of the plot.

Westerns and fantasy genres (including science fiction) don’t mix well, The Wild Wild West not withstanding (and The Wild Wild West was not a Western per se but rather what we would now call a steampunk commentary on James Bond filtered through the lens of traditional American Westerns).

(And don’t bring up Gene Autry And The Phantom Empire, just…don’t…)

Dinosaurs and cowboys don’t really go together.

That didn’t stop O’Bie from trying.

In addition to Gwangi, O’Bie had two other projects that he did get off the ground:  The Brave One and The Beast From Hollow Mountain.

The Beast From Hollow Mountain is a standard Western about mysterious cattle disappearances and quarrels over who might be responsible, only to discover in the end it’s really -- surprise!  surprise! -- a solitary tyrannosaurus that somehow survived since prehistoric times.

The movie is constructed in such a way that had the dinosaur element not panned out, they could have removed it and substituted a more conventional ending.

While O’Bie didn’t work directly on the film after he sold the story, it did feature a variant of stop motion animation known as replacement animation.  Instead of building a realistic looking puppet with rubber skin and posable limbs, the dino in Beast was more solid and featured interchangeable limbs that could stretch and squash in a more realistic manner (rather, the movement looked more realistic, the dino sculpture no so much…).

The Brave One started life as a story about a young Mexican boy who raises a prize bull for the ring, only to have the bull face an allosaurus in the ring instead of a matador.

The producers who bought that idea hired blacklisted screenwriter Dalton Trumbo to turn it into something filmable, and Trumbo sensibly jettisoned the dino to focus the story on the boy and his bull, much to the film’s advantage (it won an Oscar for best story when released, but Trumbo’s heirs had to wait decades before the award could be recognized as due their father).

The Valley Of Gwangi was yet another variant on the same basic idea, more expansive than the other two in terms of dinosaurs, and with at least a nod in the direction of trying to explain them (a “lost canyon” giving them shelter instead of a mountain plateau or remote island).

It never connected with me, despite having more extensive dino sequences than One Million Years B.C..

O’Bie animated stop motion cowboys fighting a giant ape in the original version of Mighty Joe Young but the context proved different.  The cowboys’ presence in Africa is acknowledge in the film itself as a publicity gimmick, and therefore not a true blend of the American West with a fantastic element.

Mr. Joseph Young of Africa himself, a 12-foot tall gorilla, was also presented as an exceptionally large but otherwise natural gorilla, not a throwback to a prehistoric era.

. . .

Before there were action figures, but long after there were tin soldiers, we had plastic play sets.

They came in all eras and varieties, but among the most popular were Wild West sets, Civil War, World War Two, and dinosaurs.

My father took a business trip to Chicago when I was four, and when he came back I remember eagerly crowding around the suitcase with my mother, grandmother, and aunt as he opened it and brought out souvenirs for us.

I forget what they got, but I remember feeling disappointed and forgotten since their stuff was on top.

But, underneath everything else, sat a large cardboard box, and in that box was a Marx Prehistoric Times playset.

It’s hard to adequately describe the joy that filled my heart when I opened it; it was one of the best presents I’ve ever received.

And while I later acquired a Civil War set and a World War Two set and a bag of what we then called cowboy and Indian figures, the dinosaurs remained my most favorite.

I bring this up because I think the Marx playsets explain the origins of two comics books, Turok, Son Of Stone (an on-again / off-again series from 1954 to 1982 from Dell / Gold Key) and The War That Time Forgot (1960-68 from DC).

In both cases, I’m sure somebody from each company saw some kid combing their Wild West or their World War Two playsets with their dinos and realized there was story gold to be found there.

The War That Time Forgot felt much more my speed, a lost island inhabited by dinosaurs and visited by American and Japanese forces during World War Two.

World War Two effectively ended any hope of their being a lost island with prehistoric monsters; pretty much the entire planet was scouted either on foot or by air.

Turok, Son Of Stone didn’t connect with me.  For one thing, it was too much like a Western in concept; for another, Turok and his brother Andar, being pre-Columbian Native Americans, were already from a neolithic culture, and the various cavemen and Neanderthals they encountered in their lost valley seemed more drab and colorless than their tribal background.

The dinosaurs they encountered always came across as large, dangerous, but wholly natural animals, different only from bears and wolves and bison by size and appearance.

Despite my indifference to Turok, I can absolutely understand why others love it and disdain The War That Time Forgot.

Different strokes for different folks.

. . .

We can’t close this without taking a look at The Flintstones, and we can’t consider The Flintstones without first examining Tex Avery’s The First Bad Man in order to bring this post full circle.

There’s a long history (har!) of contemporary satire using a prehistoric lens.  The Flintstones started life as a knockoff of Jackie Gleason’s The Honeymooners told in a prehistoric setting; the series made no attempt to present itself as realistic in any shape, fashion, or form.

Among the many cartoons and short subjects that preceded it (including Chuck Jones’ Daffy Duck And The Dinosaur) is The First Bad Man by Tex Avery, an MGM theatrical cartoon.

Tex told the story of Dinosaur Dan, the world’s first outlaw, using Western tropes told through a prehistoric lens.

It works, because it’s a parody of the Western form, not a sincere effort to blend it with the caveman genre.  It works because it’s a jarring clash of genres, not despite it.

The caveman genre itself has fallen on fallow times.  Despite films like The Quest For Fire and Clan Of The Cave Bear attempting to do realistic takes on the topic, most people seem to prefer more fanciful approaches, best exemplified by the movie Caveman which sent up the entire genre while not skimping on the stop motion dinos.

With sword & sorcery / Tolkienesque fantasies finally acceptable to mass audiences and thus providing a venue for humans to directly fight giant monsters, there doesn’t seem to be a huge demand for a return to the glories of One Million B.C.

  © Buzz Dixon

[justanotherdaylikeanyother-blog1]

Regarding a previous ask on lack of women in cp, I gotta say rereading the trilogy none of the characters have a very high opinion of women either. We have Jord who prefers men because "you know what was what with men", the Regent who just doesn't like them on principle, Damen who disparages Jokaste for apparently wanting power, and Laurent who calls Jokaste a "whore queen". Internalized misogyny on the author's part or "historical" accuracy? Your fics are like crack to me btw love them

Thank you! 😘 I’m not being a very good dealer, if that’s the case, but hopefully I won’t be withholding more fic for too much longer.

But I’m not really feeling you on this one, sorry anon. If Pacat has internalised misogynistic leanings, I neither know nor really care, tbh. So let’s ignore the author’s intention and just look at what’s on the page. Most of the time when anyone makes a less than flattering comment about or are dismissive of women, there’s either an obvious reason for it that isn’t just ‘women yuck’, or the misogyny is specifically designed to work with that person’s characterisation. I’ll look specifically at your examples:

Jord: Honestly, this one’s such a stretch. Men are not being misogynistic by not being interested in women. Just like I’m not anti-man just because I prefer romantic relationships with women personally (for reasons that aren’t too dissimilar to Jord’s, actually). There is literally nothing about Jord saying he prefers men because he’s more familiar and comfortable with them that should be read as any kind of an insult against women. It doesn’t mean he thinks women are bad or worthless. It just means he feels he knows exactly what to do with a dick because he has one, and that he thinks he gets how men think and act because he both is one himself and spends all day every day around other men. To be fair to Jord, he’s probably never had unsupervised contact with a woman other than his own family members because of the taboo, and there were apparently like three women present in the whole of Vere anyway. For some of the men, that lack of exposure has probably given women a sort of forbidden air that they find attractive, and that’s understandable, but I can also see why Jord might not have developed enough of an understanding of women to be intrigued by them sexually or romantically. And that’s absolutely fine.

The Regent: This fucker does not reflect the opinions you should be taking from the series when it comes to anything, including women. The Regent is the villain. And he’s an outright villain, with no ‘good’ or ‘redeeming’ qualities about him save intelligence and perceptiveness, both of which he uses for fucked up purposes anyway. Pretty much whatever this guy is into, assume it’s supposed to come off as wrong, even for his time period. The fact that he doesn’t like women is a black mark against his (lack of a) name, not something that you should take as an indictment against women.

Damen: Damen might have overlooked the perspective of women and not noticed that they too would like some power and self-determination, I’ll give you that one. But then, that’s not about women specifically. That’s about Damen’s views on everyone who has a considerably different background than him. Look at his lack of ability to see the plight of slaves, male and female alike. I said just yesterday that I think Damen’s high in sympathy but considerably lower in empathy, because he’s the kind of guy who’ll go out of his way to act kind and is averse to undeserved cruelty and wants the best for people, but that’s all coming from his skewed idea of what kind of kindness and protection people need, not theirs. He’s not someone who can easily grasp a situation or a mindset very different from his own and see things from the perspective of someone else without actually walking in that person’s shoes. So I think Damen was exactly as misogynistic as the historical setting and his own position made him and no more. Accidental/unknowing misogyny, if you like. And I’m not sure you can take any comments he makes about Jokaste in particular post-capture to be reflective of his thoughts on women as a whole. Jokaste was almost single-handedly responsible for Damen being enslaved and humiliated and deprived of the life he’d known. He has a right to hate her, and it’s understandable for him to be ticked that she made a power grab when it was at his expense. He’d have had the same reaction to Kastor if Kastor didn’t have the apparent get-out-of-jail-free-card of being family.

Laurent: Calling Jokaste a Whore Queen is literally the only time I can think of where Laurent says anything bad about women/a woman. He does it to rile up Damen, first and foremost. And he also does it to disparage Akielos and their practice of allowing mistresses when Vere supposedly thinks themselves above that. What you’ve left out is him at the same time calling Kastor the Bastard King, which is probably an even more egregious insult as far as the Veretians are concerned. I honestly think people have forgotten that gender equality isn’t about treating women as above reproach while you insult men. It’s about insulting neither or both equally.

Anyway, I don’t think the issue is that the characters (the ones who aren’t evil) don’t have a high opinion of women. It’s that we very rarely get to interact much with women of whom they should have a high opinion. Damen doesn’t get a lot of contact with Vannes, for example, so her obvious Veretian qualities (which Damen certainly does think very little of, at that point) stop there from being too much ready acknowledgement of her good points. I certainly get the impression that Damen is appreciative of Talik’s strength despite spending little time with her. There’s nothing but respect shown for Halvik as a woman. And if Halvik’s girls are reduced to acting as little more than sexual beings, that’s more down to the language barrier making it impossible for Damen to strike up an actual conversation with any of them. He shows them respect as sexual partners, at least. Damen shows reverence towards the Queens of old, and wishes he could have known his own mother. There’s no indication that he had any problems with Hypermenestra. And really, which other women do they ever encounter or even mention who aren’t either briefly-mentioned slaves (who Damen treats like he would any slave), or Jokaste and Jokaste’s ladies (who Damen’s actively pissed at)? There’s just not enough opportunity to show a stong positive female presence and the characters’ reaction to it. That’s what it comes down to, as for me.

[incorrecteragonquotes]

Eragon Movie Recap Part 1: The First Part

So.

I watched the Eragon movie. Voluntarily.

I would say that I had forgotten how bad this movie was, but the truth is, I don’t think I ever fully understood in the first place. I saw this thing in theatres back when I had very low standards, and I kinda disliked it then. Seeing it again more than ten years later, it blew my mind. Ohhh boy, was I ever unprepared. I knew it would be bad, but this? I completely underestimated it. I was not at all ready.

But, ready or not, I saw the film. All of it. In detail. And among all of the bad bits I found many things to laugh at, though I imagine most of those were unintentional, and at least one instance of thematic consistency, which is always nice to see. So, the film was bad, certainly, but not thoroughly, completely terrible. But, if what we have now is bad, can we do better? Can we take what the studio has given us and transform it into something fun to experience, something people might actually choose to look at because they like seeing it? I certainly hope so, as this is the beginning of my quest to make that a reality.

This post and those following it will constitute a recap of the 2006 Eragon film - a summary of its events with a bit of commentary sprinkled in. Personal opinions will probably sprout up faster than weeds in a suburb. The wordy bits will be broken up by annotated screencaps from the film itself. I hope you like them! This series is based on a recap/screencap format that I personally have seen in mammothrider’s RWBY Recaps. In this recap series, you’ll be able to see elements from both that and screencap annotation blogs like cakewatchespsychopass. These folks do some very good work, and if their stuff looks interesting to you, you should totally check it out!

Now that you know what’s coming, I invite you to join me on my journey, as it is now beginning. My mission: to give you a way to enjoy the Eragon movie without first having to endure the Eragon movie.

Our story opens with a series of aerial shots. Clouds, mountains, and more are visible as the opening narration makes it clear that we’re in for a few minutes of exposition. Eventually, while looking at some clouds, a dragon raises its head into the frame. It turns out that we, the audience, were the real dragon rider the whole time! I must wonder, though, where the dragon was keeping its head earlier in this shot. That must have made for one uncomfortable flying stance.

But what’s this? On the other side of this cloud, we find a battle! With dragons fighting left and right and fire flying every which way, we look up to find ourselves attacked from above by another dragon!

The narrator informs us that all of this fighting is because of some guy named Galbatorix. While we’re on the subject of this guy, I have to ask, who names their kid Galbatorix? Like, even ignoring the part where it’s clearly an Evil Overlord Name, am I the only one who thinks it’s weird that somewhere, somebody looked at their kid and thought, I’m going to give you a really unwieldy name containing entirely too many syllables and weird consonants. I don’t mean to suggest that people never have long or complicated names, but compared to the rest of the names in this story, this one really sticks out to me as a very egregious example.

Moving on, we’re told about how there was this big war where a bunch of people died, and those that didn’t opted instead to run away in the approximate direction of some mountains. But wait! Who is this?

Some important rebels are riding through the woods on horseback, and they… stole the king’s favourite rock. We aren’t told why this matters. We are told, however, that the most important rebel’s name is Arya. Interestingly, she appears to be wearing the least armour, despite being the most important. Maybe they’re hoping that people will recognize her, and therefore not attack? That’s an unusual strategy. Regardless, everyone’s favourite oversized paperweight is clearly causing a few problems.

Meanwhile at the local evil lair, Ol’ Galby’s telling his Shade friend Durza all about how much he misses his cool rock. Oh, if only there were someone who could go on a low-profile retrieval mission. Someone with vaguely-defined supernatural abilities. Someone who doesn’t have the responsibility of staying in this weird mountain cave in case they need to loom dramatically in front of the camera. Durza, one of the least bad characters in this movie, takes the hint.

And now, we get to meet our protagonist! He’s getting out of bed at nighttime, for some reason. Protagonist walks past his sleeping uncle on his way to the door, and, for some reason, takes the time to pause and smile fondly at him. I’m not really sure of what the filmmakers were trying to communicate with this. He cares about his family? This man is, in fact, related to him? He would be disappointed if his parental figure were to suddenly be murdered? It is indeed that time of day, you know, the one when people generally aren’t awake? I should hope these things are all understandable by other means.

As our narrator informs us that this man venturing into the woods with a bow and some arrows is, in fact, going hunting, we get to enjoy a confusing bit of editing. In one shot, Protagonist Man (the fact that his name is Eragon is, of course, left unsaid) is closing the front door behind him. In the next shot, he’s climbing a hill in the middle of a lush forest that was clearly not at his doorstep in the establishing shot. Yes, I know he could have walked there first, but the editing strongly suggested he didn’t have to.

Moving on, Durza’s lurking in the forest now, waiting to intercept some horses and their humanoid companions. He stands in the middle of some pathway, raises his hand all magic-like and starts… hissing? The Urgals are apparently on their game today as they know how to interpret vague hissing as “launch ambush plan 4.2”.

It’s ambush time! Arya’s two dude friends get pincushioned real fast, and Arya herself gets tackled off her horse. Oh, no! If only there had been some obvious sign of trouble, like a suspicious dude acting suspiciously in the middle of the road dead ahead.

Eragon’s walking in the woods. There’s no-one around and his phone is dead. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots it: a deer.

Meanwhile, Arya is scooting along in the forest, holding a sword. That’s probably not how you hold a sword. Man, elven emissary training just isn’t what it used to be. Though, I do wonder how she made her tackler vanish before they hit the ground. We will probably never know. Then again, maybe that’s what they covered during training in place of proper sword-carrying technique.

I digress. Suddenly, it’s the Ring of Fire! Durza’s casting it, and really doesn’t seem to worry about fire damage while walking through it. He tries to intimidate Arya by finishing his sentence even after pausing to let her quip, but she’s one step ahead of him. She retrieves a very special cool rock, and immediately beams it out of her jurisdiction. Foiled again, Durza!

Time for Eragon to shoot the deer. But wait! The deer got all glowy and exploded! Actually, no, it didn’t explode, but it did get very mildly spooked and will be grazing elsewhere. Eragon doesn’t know what’s going on. His arrow’s on fire. There’s a cool rock on the ground. It’s smoking. Eragon looks perplexed, more than anything, by this complete surprise. I understand that intense confusion is something anyone would be feeling in this situation, but I would think that Eragon might have more pressing concerns when faced with a flashy mystery projectile.

Durza walks over to Arya, who’s collapsed onto the ground. It turns out that InstaPost is an expensive service. They discuss the exact meaning of “out of her jurisdiction”.

Eragon has decided to walk over to the cool rock. He squats down next to it. Picks it up. Blows on it. Truly an exhaustive investigation. Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t do any sort of check beforehand to make sure that the suspiciously shiny explosively teleporting object isn’t going to curse him on contact. Oh, Eragon. What are we going to do with you?

Arya, meanwhile, has some sixth sense that lets her know that her cool rock has been found by an idiot. Satisfied, she takes a nap, leaving Durza to pick up the pieces.

This brings our first installment in the Eragon Movie Recap series to a close! This part covered about 6 minutes of screentime. Thanks for reading, and I hope you had fun, as I most certainly had fun writing it. If there was something you particularly liked, or would like to see done differently in future installments, you are more than welcome to leave some feedback as a reply, or in the ask box, or however else you’d like to deliver your message. I look forward to hearing from you!

Remember to tune in next week when we visit such questions as “will Eragon achieve his dream of multiclassing?”, “just how much trouble is Arya in?”, and “will the audience ever see Eragon follow proper safety procedures?”. See you then!

Bonus:

[tammyhybrid21]

Let’s Talk about Wasted Potential!

(Let’s talk Scrappy Doo)

I know, I know... It’s Scrappy Doo...

I’m going to put most of this under a read more so those who just want to avoid anything Scrappy can avoid it...

So first of all... I actually like Scrappy. Not love him like I used to(I mean seriously, he was always my favourite character after Daphne as a kid...) but I still like him well enough. And I think that’s partially(or mostly really) because I grew up with the Scrappy Cartoons being aired mixed with the other series. So sometimes he was there, sometimes he wasn’t... and he was there kind of from the start... even when he wasn’t... If that makes any sense.

Also I never watched any of the Live Action movies... so I don’t know how that’s made an impact or not...

So... anyway...

Why am I talking about the one character hated by everyone? Well, because I just really, really need to get this off my chest. And because as I basically declared in the title of this post... We need to talk about the wasted potential here. Okay, I’m sure some of you are confused, because really? What potential does or did Scrappy have and well honestly...

He had a fair bit in the beginning.

ISSUES:

The issue is, well, more noticeable in rewatch than it was at the time I originally watched the series, because again for me he was there sometimes and other times wasn’t, but he was a character who I understood as part of the show and the gang from the beginning. Again, the issues with Scrappy are more noticeable now, in rewatch than they were back then, since well, first episode of Scooby and Scrappy is kind of... HE’S THERE! No build up, no explanation, he’s just there...

To be fair, that’s not exactly a bad thing... I mean, it’s certainly not something that’s uncommon for older cartoons, to just suddenly introduce a new character and not explain them.

At the very least Scrappy’s inclusion was explained in the startup... For what little that’s worth...

So that’s issue number one I guess, his introduction wasn’t exactly the best.

Issue two, and this one is actually an issue that I myself have with him, because wow. On rewatch this is painful, Scrappy is a character with a tendency to be shoved in and included in plots where he is absolutely, 100% unnecessary! No but seriously, he is not necessary in quite a few of the plots that he’s included in, the most egregious examples being in the movies. Especially Reluctant Werewolf... and Boo Brothers, I actually somewhat enjoyed his parts in Ghoul School for myself... even if they were kind of superfluous... but still. In Ghoul School he wasn’t really jumping in unnecessarily(or at least not as much).

He just doesn’t need to be in the movies, and honestly without him... the plot wouldn’t have changed. Well, not too much...

No seriously!

But anyway, the issue really is... They started inserting Scrappy into places he really didn’t belong, and he basically ended up as yet another one of those characters who kind of overstayed his welcome. It’s happened before, it will happen again... but Scrappy is one of the more notable ones(followed by freaking Tuffy from Tom & Jerry). In small doses, Scrappy is nice, but constantly, and inserted in places he doesn’t belong like the movies, well... He quickly brings scenes down, and kind of wears on you.

Also, how often he was used to resolve a plot that the other characters should be able to solve on their own... Especially with all the clues in Boo Brothers... Like you really want to sell Scooby and Shaggy as that oblivious to word play and puns? Feels off...

Issue Three! And another one that I have with him... More in hindsight that anything else. WHERE THE HELL IS Scrappy’s Self Preservation INSTINCT?!

No seriously! Where the hell is it?

Nowhere? Dead, gone, buried and forgotten.

I mean, seriously. The moment something spooky and scary appears, Scrappy is always “Let me at ‘im, Let me at ‘im!” and of course his other catchphrase... “Dada da da da dada! Puh-Puppy Puh-Power!” yeah... I am not exactly a big fan of his attack all the spooky and scary things.

Just seriously, I know that kids like to puff themselves up, and pretend to be braver than they are... but Scrappy isn’t pretending. He just doesn’t understand danger, and is constantly go getter, and with zero sense of safety and preservation instinct... As a result, it’s really, really annoying to watch him charge into a dangerous situation and have to be grabbed, stopped all the time.

Which is just... bothersome you know.

I mean... he does sometimes seem to pick up that something is wrong... but 90% of the time... nope. No self-preservation at all.

What they Done Right:

Scrappy’s relationship with Scooby.

No but seriously, if there is one thing that they got right, at least for the most part, it was the relationship that Scrappy had with Scooby. It was obvious that Scrappy adored and idolized Scooby, and Scooby clearly cared for his nephew Scrappy. That was not something that you could pretend wasn’t there.

I mean, most of the times that someone was grabbing Scrappy to stop him from getting into trouble, it was usually Scooby. Also, Scrappy was able to make Scooby show some bravery on occasion. And without the use of Scooby Snacks, just with words. But seriously. As much as they did mess up with Scrappy, I adored the dynamic that there was with Scrappy and Scooby.

I just wish there were more down low moments when they were just interacting with one another...

And even the rest of the gang.

Also, on this subject, I loved Scrappy interacting with Shaggy most of the time as well. Even if it was slightly less well handled. And to a more minor degree, Scrappy’s interactions with Daphne. I just... really like the relationships that they gave him alright. Because it was one of the things that they managed to mostly not screw up.

Secondly...

And this is more... kind of meta wise. Scrappy was actually a good idea. Introducing him to the show anyway. Despite what your opinion is, Scrappy was thrown in as an attempt to save the show... And like him or hate him... He did. He saved the show...

Also, he was pretty entertaining in the beginning. A new element. And he brought in a new perspective. He’s the “young” character. A tagalong kid. And in all honesty...

That brings me to the next thing that they done right.

Scrappy is a good kid character!

His flaws are striking for sure, but, he is a good character in the sense that he fulfils his purpose. And he actually feels like a kid. At least, when he’s not obviously really, really dense and with zero self-preservation instinct. Although, there were a couple of moments where he sounded a bit more mature than a kid... but for the most part. There’s another positive.

And yes... that’s where most of his more annoying traits come from... He’s a child. And he doesn’t have the self-control and maturity to stop himself from doing stupid things... also... well, he talks a lot. But well, it works. And I personally can say that they did it right... even if it’s probably the thing that makes him such a problem in the first place...

So yeah...

What’s the Missed Potential?

Now, let’s actually get to the point of this whole rant/babble thing. What’s the missed potential with Scrappy.

Well...

For one thing. If they were going to have Scrappy have no self-preservation instinct the way that they did... They should have done more with it! They should have let him get into trouble, they should have had him getting himself in over his head, and back stepping sometimes, needing help and calling for it when he realized that he was in trouble... Or not even realizing it, and still yapping and yapping at the spooks, even though he’s in serious trouble.

They should have pushed that a little bit more. Also, on those occasions when he ran in, and attacked whatever, he should have done little to nothing to help at all. Instead it should have been making things worse. Because he’s a child, and has no idea of the danger...

Or they could have taken his bravado and talk in another direction. He talks big, but at heart is just another scared puppy like his Uncle Scooby. That could have worked as well. Although, considering the formula... well, would have made things a bit harder to make it fresh if you just add another cowardly running character, even if it is one who is all bark, no bite. And honestly Scrappy’s scrappy nature fits.

Secondly, let’s have a few more childish moments you know. I mean, as much as I praise them for making him a child and feeling like a child... he wasn’t really that childish... He had his moments, but they weren’t obvious in your face, and they were somewhat rare on top of that. If you’re going to make a kid character, one of the things that you need is to include them being a child. Scrappy should have thrown tantrums at times, been demanding on occasion and want things that he wouldn’t necessarily be allowed... and I don’t just mean in regards to him fighting the spooks that the gang was chasing.

Where was the demands for sweets and treats? The demands to play a game, or for a specific story or comic? A certain music station while they were in the van/car travelling around? Also, he should have been running around a little bit more excited, curious and exploring. While he still feels like a child and acts like one... he’s got a lot of failures in this aspect. Also... honestly there should have been more of him trying to get Scooby to beat up the bad guys in this regard.

Since adoring child with an Uncle who busts bad guys and solves mysteries for a living...

Major missed opportunity there.

Third... They should have made the first episode a proper introduction and explained things properly. Why was Scrappy there? I mean, I think that there is an explanation episode somewhere? Maybe? Anyway... they should have established the Scooby and Scrappy series by EXPLAINING Scrappy’s presence. I mean gosh, for a reference, a cartoon that I happen to love, that only came out a decade or so after Scrappy knew at least that you had to establish changes to the status quo!

Sure they done it in the first episode of each season that they introduced the change but still...

Missed opportunity! Especially because can you imagine that dynamic? With Scrappy brand new and the gang attempting to do their usual thing. And no one is quite used to Scrappy yet? That would have been something you know. Even if the rest of the series continued the formula of vague continuity is vague... You know.

Fourth... Maybe they could have toned down the focus on him... Also, take him out of those particular episodes and movies that he really doesn’t need to be in. The spotlight is something that is best shared after all. And while Scrappy is a fun addition to the cast, the biggest issue could have been resolved had they just not put him in everything. He didn’t need to be in everything and somewhat center stage, the real issue is that he’s a one puppy spotlight-stealing squad. Really.

This could have been fixed by making the episodes slightly longer than seven minutes... I mean really? Really? That’s... actually one of the biggest things that harms the series, each episode is so quick, it doesn’t leave much spotlight for anyone... I mean at least the regular episodes have a twenty to thirty minute runtime you know... So they could have I dunno, made them longer so that there was more time to actually use all the characters. Also, give the watcher some small breather scenes amongst all the chaos.

But still, focus issue.

Fifth, tone down the catch-phrase slinging. I mean, I get it, pretty much everyone in Scooby Doo had their one or two catch-phrases... but when that catch-phrase is said once or even twice in every episode and each episode is only seven minutes long... it gets old... Really, REALLY quickly. Also on this topic... Tone down the dialogue for Scrappy in general.

Like Tuffy the mouse from Tom and Jerry(especially in the movies) when Scrappy starts talking He. Does. Not. Stop. And it’s so, so annoying. Like come on! He doesn’t have to talk that much. And if he did have to talk that much then you should have called him Yappy. But seriously, tone down on the dialogue dude.

Also on that note, give him an accent like his Uncle! Come on guys! Was that so hard to do? Did he need to be so fluent? He’s still a canine! He should have had a bit of an accent because of how hard it would be to pronounce things with a muzzle.

Sixth, let’s be honest here, they should have had more episodes with the whole gang included! Just really, Scrappy’s flaws are not that big a deal when there are more characters to interact with and to share the spotlight with.

Also honestly, I just feel that it’s a missed opportunity that we never really saw how Scrappy properly interacted with Fred and Velma. We saw him a lot more with Daphne in 13 Ghosts, and that was nice you know. Also... another thing about that. 13 Ghosts actually toned him sown somewhat, and since the focus wasn’t constantly or semi-constantly on him, we got a break. It was pretty fantastic.

Finally, let’s just get this one done, because it’s more a nit-pick than anything else... but they should have designed him on all fours like the rest of his family.

Okay but seriously, why is he always on his hind legs standing up the way he is? It just kind of bugs me, alright.

In Conclusion:

Like him, Hate him! He’s a character I see potential in, and whenever I get around to writing some fanfiction that I have on the backburner, he will likely be included. But done right. Well, as “right” as he can be.

Hopefully people will find him annoying in a more annoying bratty child way, than a scrapper and spotlight stealer who should just go away way.

So yeah, I’m done.

[outofthisgxlaxy]

It's the same old song, but with a different beat. ☯ + Best Diner and aftermath, same as last time, but this time with Laughy Sapphy.

Send me ‘☯ + a scene from my characters canon’ and I will drabble it from my character’s POV.

Tense was a very... accurate way to describe how the night before had been. To Sapphire, though, she was just doing what she thought was necessary. Eventually, Ruby would see that she was the one right about this whole silly argument and they could go back to normal. Unfortunately, when Ruby returned from her angry pacing about the pool, her mood didn’t seem to have shifted any. This was inevitable, though. Sapphire had foreseen it, and so she had nothing to say to Ruby. All she could do was tag along with the rest of the group to the Best Diner in the World.

The diner itself was rather quaint. However, Sapphire wasn’t doing much looking around. Once she, Greg, Ruby, and Steven were seated at the booth, all she did was stare straight ahead. She didn’t care that Ruby wasn’t looking at her or that her gaze might have been a little unnerving to Greg. Greg was doing a pretty good job of looking away, anyway. That was inevitable, too.

Breakfast soon arrived. Sapphire didn’t even move her head to observe it. She simply glanced down, and then returned her gaze to straight ahead. There was a bit of light conversation, as Ruby seemed to be just about as thrilled with eating as she was, and Sapphire continued letting fate play out as she had seen it. Ruby was upset because Greg had mentioned that Garnet liked to eat sometimes. Of course she was. That, too, was inevitable. Sapphire felt the weight of the booth she and Ruby were sharing shift, but she continued to say nothing. At most, she took a moment to reorganize the bacon on her plate. Just a moment, though. Once both pieces were straight, she looked right back ahead of her.

That is, of course, until Ruby began to shake the table. That was what prompted Sapphire to finally shift her own weight to look at her love. Quite clearly, the issue between them was agitating. Sapphire only had one thing to say, though.

“You’re shaking the table.”

“Oh! I’m kinda surprised you felt anything at all, to be honest!” Ruby retaliated. However, Sapphire wasn’t fazed. Anyone else might have been by how Ruby was acting. After all, she was a very explosive Gem when angered. However, Sapphire had known Ruby for over five thousand years. She knew better than to flinch at Ruby’s anger.

“I didn’t need to feel,” Sapphire insisted. “I saw.” That didn’t soothe Ruby’s temper any, as it led to Ruby shaking the table all the more vigorously as she vented. Sapphire could see Steven and Greg catching their plates to make sure their breakfast didn’t fly all over the place. When would Ruby just let this go? It wasn’t doing any good. Sapphire could see that, so... why couldn’t she?

“This will pass,” she told Greg and Steven after turning to face them. “She’ll eventually just burn herself out.” As far as Sapphire could tell, she was accurate. Ruby would eventually burn out all of her anger, see that Sapphire was right, and they would go back to how things were. Then perhaps they could forgive Pearl for her egregious mistake with Sardonyx. Unfortunately, though, there was one factor that Sapphire had forgotten.

“That’s what you think!” Ruby exclaimed. Sapphire looked up and saw her standing on the seat they shared. Oh dear. Ruby did have a tendency to jump fate’s track now and again, but this was not the time that Sapphire would have wished for that to happen.

“I am an eternal flame, baby!” And with that, Ruby’s gauntlet was slammed down on the table. The breakfast and plates were dashed on the floor, and Sapphire was only vaguely aware of Steven’s reaction to all of this. Her attention, unfortunately, was fully on Ruby. How could Ruby be so pigheaded right then? Couldn’t she see that it was for the greater good that they forgive Pearl?

“You don’t know me!” Now that was something Sapphire took offense to. How could Ruby accuse her of such a thing? She didn’t show it in her face, but she did have a response in mind.

“How could I possibly not know you? We’re always fused,” Sapphire retaliated. And with that, she and Ruby began to bicker more. Ruby was the more heated between them, as was natural for her, but Sapphire had a few good responses in mind for her. However, there was one bit that Ruby said that stung her. Ruby accused her of not even knowing herself. That was a bit harsh, but Sapphire tried not to let it show.

Then, there was a shattering sound. Just after Greg had started to suggest something, which Sapphire had only half listened to. As she slowly turned her head, she saw Steven walking out of the diner. Greg’s sentiments were shared by Sapphire. Jeez... maybe they had taken this a bit too far. For a beat, she shared a glance with Ruby. Her beloved did look like she’d realized the gravity of the situation, too. And with that? They were in unison once more. Delicate feet carried Sapphire out of the diner with Ruby behind her.

“Steven!” She and Ruby called out his name together when they saw him walking further away. Sapphire couldn’t allow Steven to leave! At least, she couldn’t let him leave without talking to him first. The fact that he was turning around to talk did make her feel a bit better, but he began to vent.

“I was so happy when Garnet said she was gonna come on this trip with me and dad!” Steven exclaimed. “Home’s been awful. Here’s been awful. I thought you wanted to have a fun time, but everyone’s been acting awful too! I-It just came with us!” Then, Sapphire saw his expression shift. There was clear sadness in his eyes, and for the first time that whole trip? Sapphire realized just how wrongly she had been behaving.

“I don’t understand. Is it... is it me?”

That question from Steven just about broke Sapphire’s heart. Ruby filled in with an answer, explaining the obvious, but Sapphire let it stew in her head for a moment longer. Why would Steven even be asking something like that? He wasn’t the one that had made her and Ruby fight! Not at all! It was like Ruby said. Their emotions had just clashed. That didn’t excuse their behavior, though.

“But we made him feel like it was his fault,” Sapphire explained at last. She had been looking at Ruby as she spoke, but started to shift her body around while she continued. Her left hand raised to partly cover her mouth as the realization continued to sink in. Perhaps Ruby had been the one that was right all along. Bottling up how she felt and trying to do the right thing had only created a rift between them!

“I keep looking into the future,” she explained, “when all of this has already been solved. As if it doesn’t matter how you feel in the present...” Behind her bangs, her eye began to water. Her emotions finally were catching up with her whether she wanted them to or not. As her conclusion was reached, tears began to trickle down her face.

“No wonder you think I don’t care...!” Her voice broke, and before long her little hand was clutched against her face as quiet tears continued to fall. Despite Sapphire’s emotional state, she was listening to what Ruby had to say. In not so many words, Ruby was apologizing for her behavior. She hadn’t wanted to look for a solution to the Pearl problem. Instead, she’d just wanted to be mad. Perfectly reasonable from Ruby’s point of view. However, one thing really broke Sapphire’s state.

“You’re right! You’re always right! I was just being stupid!” Ruby exclaimed. It was with that that Sapphire turned to look at her once more and pulled her hand away from her face. How could Ruby even call herself that? Didn’t she know how much Sapphire hated it when Ruby put herself down like that?

“I don’t think you’re stupid!” Sapphire snapped. The frustration in that little bit of what she had to say died down quickly, though, and her lip quivered as she fought more tears. Stars... she hadn’t thought that this would be what came to pass. She heard what Ruby said, though. That was the apology that she had been seeking. Sapphire didn’t have a response for it, though. All she could do was let her beloved part her bangs. Her teary blue eye was now entirely visible for both Ruby and Steven to see.

“You honestly think I’m not upset about what happened?” Sapphire asked at last. She lowered her voice just a touch as she glanced away from Ruby. Stars, she felt stupid. She was supposed to be the one that knew how to handle these situations. Yet there she was, behaving as though she had just emerged a short time ago.

“I was just... trying to do the right thing,” she explained. Ruby had brushed away her tears as she spoke, but Sapphire still felt upset. This wasn’t at all what she had meant to happen. Steven never was meant to see her and Ruby fall apart quite this literally. A sigh filled the air, and Sapphire turned her head so she was resting it against Ruby’s right hand. What a day this had turned out to be. Nothing was turning out as it should have. That is, of course, until she heard Ruby speak again. The question Ruby posed made her shift her head again, though.

“What?” Sapphire didn’t understand. What could possibly be nice about being split up. The answer was not one that she expected, though. Leave it to Ruby to catch her off guard.

I get to look at you. The answer was so simple, yet so eloquent. What response could Sapphire possibly give, though? A laugh was something that came first regardless.

“Be serious!” Sapphire laughed. But no, Ruby wasn’t about to be serious. Instead, she just pulled Sapphire closer to her. Oh, stars, the nickname was coming out too! Sapphire’s cheeks flushed with embarrassment as she shushed her love.

“You’re embarrassing me in front of Steven!” She half whispered. A quick glance was spared at the boy in question before Ruby began to ‘assault’ her with affection. Sapphire couldn’t find cause to object. Any quarrel between them had been settled just then, anyway. So as Ruby began to kiss her and toss her into the air, Sapphire just giggled. She was caught in her lover’s strong arms and held close before being peppered with more kisses.

This had to be the best way to conclude any conflict, she decided.

[themyskira]

Wonder Woman #49

Previously in James Robinson’s sad spiral into senility: Wonder Woman accidentally summoned +~teh D4rK g0dz~+, a group of alternate-universe Greek Gods who are allegedly extremely dark and gritty and terrifying. ROLL CALL!

Mob God: goddess of chaos, shit version of Eris

The God With No Name: loser who walks around with a sheet on his head

Savage Fire: auditioned for the part of sexy Satan, was disappointed to be cast as a war god instead; crotch is literally on fire

Karnell: evil love god who is ~tortured~ because insert generic fridging story here

King Best: calls himself that with a straight face; giant stone Darkseid knockoff

Written as devastatingly evil heavy-hitters, they mostly just succeed at invoking intense second-hand embarrassment.

Now, after being AWOL for an entire issue, Diana is back and ready to take the fight to the Dark Gods. It’s time for a showdown!

…ooooorrrr we could just fart around for twenty pages and end on the most obvious fake-out imaginable.

First off, we need to talk about Stephen Segovia’s cover because WHAT.

Segovia is often praised for his dynamic, action-oriented art, and it’s not necessarily undeserved. Action is clearly his strength, and he excels at fast-paced fight scenes.

But he also has a tendency to deliver pages like this one, or like the splash page in WW #46, where no one part of the (invariably female) character’s anatomy seems to connect to any other part. Absurd boobs-and-butt action shots are nothing new in comics, but it’s been a while since I’ve seen such egregious examples. 

Look at Sexy Satan Lady: what is happening to her arse in that scene? Her left shoulder seems to have slipped halfway down her torso, and god only knows where her hips have fucked off to. Diana’s upper torso, on the other hand, seems to be directly attached to her hips, and she’s missing half her left leg.

But moving onto the bad joke that is this entire issue.

Diana and Jason are preparing to take on Best Buy, who seems less interested in transforming the Earth into a glorious hellscape than he is in playing out his monster movie fantasies by making himself giant and stomping on houses.

I’m serious. When the Biggest of Bads eats the entire Justice League, giving him access to unimaginable power, and he chooses to use that power to animate an impractically large and stupidly-taxing-to-operate body, enabling him to go on a slow-moving rampage through DC, I can only assume that his motive is ‘RAAAAA LOOK AT ME I’M GAMERA!!’ Because he could legitimately have used that power to consume the entire continental US in flames if that was what he wanted to do.

Steve radios in, and Diana instructs him to give the readers an exposition dump. She actually flags it, as if she’s a news anchor interviewing a reporter on the scene: “What about the other gods? Where in the world are they and what kind of damage are they causing?”

So Steve tells us who the other Dark Gods are, where in the world they are and what kind of damage they are causing.

James Robinson has been professionally writing comics for almost thirty years. I think it’s past time somebody told him to stop.

Sexy Satan Lady is inciting all the nations of South America to war.

Mobglob has the population of Britain in a rapturous thrall, which seems a little outside her ‘chaos and rioting’ wheelhouse. People are just staring into the sky, not eating or drinking or noticing anything around them. Steve says that children, babies and the elderly are already beginning to sicken and die from dehydration and exhaustion, which is strange, since this has only been going on for a good ten minutes.

Kandy Krush has the entire population of China consumed in a violent orgy, and the Horse With No Name is inciting Russians to suicide.

“And none of this includes the acts of madness and violence happening everywhere else in the world just from the Dark Gods’ presence on Earth,” says Steve, finishing his news report.

Remember, aside from Steve’s second-hand updates, we’ve seen no evidence of the Dark Gods’ presence infecting the world with this wide-scale hysteria and violence, aside from two people losing their shit at Diana.

Robinson tries to correct this now: over three pages, he shows us snapshots of four individuals in each of the four regions under assault from the Dark Gods, as their ordinary lives are swept up and consumed by the violent, chaotic supernatural forces that are slowly reshaping the world.

It’s a familiar device, particularly in horror comics, and the best writers can use it to truly chilling effect — think Alan Moore in Swamp Thing, Neil Gaiman in Sandman.

Robinson is no Moore and he’s no Gaiman. His is simply a by-the-numbers effort, one that in illustrates the chaos on the ground in technical terms, without imparting any particular sense of horror or empathy for the characters.

Panel 1: Character is going about their ordinary life.

Panel 2: Character comes in contact with the Dark God’s influence.

Panel 3: Character is consumed.

It’s weak, bloodless writing that only serves to rehash the two-page infodump we just got from Steve.

Diana and Jason take on Emperor Awesome.

“This planet will be unlike anything you could ever image after we’re done with it. Your hell. My heaven. Earth first and then the universe. Remade in horror.”

Again, so far you’ve done nothing but squander the power you’ve harvested on living out a kaiju fantasy, so I’m less than terrified.

Diana fluffs up her air, pushes in her neck, thrusts out her boobs and attacks tits-first.

“That’s it, brother! Hit him hard with the wind power of our father, Zeus…”

WHO TALKS LIKE THIS?!

This isn’t just lazy writing, it’s downright contemptuous. Do you think your readers are so absurdly dense that they’ve somehow forgotten that Jason has wind powers, which he inherited from Zeus, who is his father, and Diana’s as well because they’re twins? Because that’s the only justifiable reason to include such a stilted, pedantic line of dialogue in the middle of a Big Boss battle.

Jason doesn’t need reminding, and Diana’s not going to waste both breath and precious seconds. All she needs is three words: ‘Jason! Wind blast!’

(I’d argue she shouldn’t be saying anything at all here, since generally announcing each of your attacks to a larger and stronger opponent is a surefire way to get flattened, but then again, Jason is incompetent and in need of direction.)

There’s an unintentionally comical sequence in which Jason uses his wind power to lift Sir Excellent into the air and he and Diana manoeuvre the apparently unprotesting giant over the Atlantic Ocean, before dropping him in.

Thus, the scariest and most evil god that ever is or was is rendered temporarily helpless by a strong wind.

Obviously he won’t be out of the fight for long, because Robinson is nothing if not predictable.

In the meantime, Jason goes to have another crack at fighting Sexy Satan Lady. She gloats and he charges at her, while silently begging for Athena to give him the wisdom to best use the power of Dolos — Dolos being the personified spirit of trickery and cunning deception. Basically, he’s telling us that he’s planning to deceive the Dark Gods. Keep this in mind.

Diana has joined Steve for another multi-page infodump.

“We’re getting ready to deploy the Suicide Squad — multi-team, biggest version ever, actually. Plus the Titans and any Justice League reservists I can get my hands on… the trouble is, the gods keep turning the heroes, making them as insane as everyone else. The Ray, Zatanna, Damage, Beaumont and Sunny Jim in Britain, to name a few. The list goes into the hundreds. That, or as with the Justice League, they get absorbed by the gods who are made all the stronger for it.”

Hey, you know what’s more fun than watching superheroes team up to fight a world-ending threat??? Having a secondary character describe that happening from a safe distance!

Robinson has ample page-space to show us these things. The amount of time he spends each issue dicking around, rehashing things we’ve already been told and having characters deliver unnecessarily long infodumps, he could very easily devote to scenes like the ones Steve is describing here: Amanda Waller deploying a last-ditch, multi-team Suicide Squad. Other heroes and teams coming up against the Dark Gods and being overwhelmed. Magic users being consumed by the Dark Gods’ bloodthirsty and intoxicating energies. Heavy-hitters being made to turn against their own, or simply being devoured without laying a single blow.

And if Robinson is too lazy or too incompetent to write those scenes, then the very least he can do is shut the fuck up about it, instead of having Steve describe what sounds like a much more interesting comic.

Steve and Diana get word that all of the Dark Gods just vanished. (Actually, they get word that all of the Dark God just vanished, because nobody is editing this comic.) Then all five are sighted in the skies over Paraguay, where Jason had gone to fight Sexy Satan Lady. Diana rushes to Jason’s rescue aaaaaaand…

Jason: Looking for me, sister?! I have something for you— the lightning of our father combined with the fire of Hephaestus. Diana: Jason! NO! They can’t have driven you mad! I thought you’d be stronger— Jason: Mad? Why, sister, I’m saner than I’ve ever been. I see everything clearly. The Greek gods are nothing… ALL PRAISE THE DARK GODS.

In fairness, on its face this is a perfectly plausible twist, because Jason has continually shown himself to be weak-willed, incompetent and selfish — and has a track record of being tricked into the service of supervillain conquerors with only the lightest bit of prodding.

But since we’ve already been as good as told that this is a fake-out (two pages ago, when Jason announced his intention to deceive the Dark Gods), this cliffhanger just feels like more padding. There’s so little substance to this story, I can’t believe it’s gone on for this long.

Fortunately, next issue is the final one of this garbage fire of a run. I’m hoping desperately for Jason to die in the final battle, but I’m willing to settle for banished out of reach.

However, I’m pleased to note that my Jason’s-magic-armour-doesn’t-do-anything theory remains intact.

[thesffcorner]

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is written and directed by Quentin Tarantino and it follows Rick Dalton (Leonardo Di Caprio) and Cliff Booth (Brad Pit), an actor and his stuntman as they struggle to get work and stay relevant in the film industry at the precipice of the 70s. Dalton was a former TV star, who after a mediocre stunt in film is now trying to score a pilot, this time as the heavy, while Cliff is his stunt double, who really doesn’t have a lot of motivation outside of work and whatever Rick wants him to do. 

If that synopsis sounded kind of weak and vague, that’s because this film is the purest definition of slice of life I can think of. It’s not a film with an overarching plot or a 3 act structure; it’s a series of vignettes that are loosely tied by circumstance and location, and we follow a wide set of characters, not just Rick and Cliff, living their lives and making do in Hollywood. The vignettes are all well written and excellently acted, with some heavy league performers in bit parts, but for the most part, the film’s narrative structure is very loose and at points aimless. 

Out of Tarantino’s own body of work, the film this most reminded me of was Pulp Fiction; the meandering plot, the expansive cast of characters, and the distinct lack of forward momentum. The difference is that all the plots we follow in Pulp Fiction get tied up in an explosive ending, and though this film attempts to do the same, it’s really not successful; more than Reservoir Dogs, this is a film that feels like Tarantino’s first effort, which is concerning since this is his 9th official release. 

In terms of filmmaking the film is excellent; the attention to period detail from the sets to the clothes is impeccable. Los Angeles and especially Hollywood likes like a postcard of it’s Golden Age, and I especially loved the little details like the labels on the food, the plastic beer bottle holders, the boxes in which the demo reels are kept. Even the way the characters speak felt authentic, and there were numerous references to the Vietnam War, and a prominent subplot involved hippies. 

Tarantino is also a master of the filmmaking craft itself; I loved the way he presented the different styles of shooting, the aspect ratio, the way a take is carried out in TV vs in film. My two favorite moments were the interview for the Dick Van Dyke show where the double camera setup was perfectly visualised and the weird, ‘improper’ cuts in the conversation between Rick and Timothy Oliphant’s character. This is a film for filmmakers and lovers of the medium; there is a lot of love for the craft itself and I absolutely loved that aspect of the film. 

Where this film faltered for me were the characters and the plot. Now, I don’t need a film to have a commercial structure or strong throughline to like it; some of my favorite films are The Nice Guys, The Brothers Bloom, Last Night and the Fall, which have very loose plots. I even like Coffee and Cigarettes which is even more aimless than this. What I took issue in this film was that it was inconsistent; it tried to be a slice of life drama, while also having Tarantino’s staple suspense and explosive ending, and as a result, neither part was very well done. 

I think it will be easiest to explain if I talk about the characters. First, as a blanket statement all the performances were excellent; the stand out for me was Brad Pit, but everyone else, even the bit parts were stellar. That’s actually where my first gripe comes in: the bit parts. This film has a lot of characters and a lot of them are completely unnecessary, episodic parts, some played by Tarantino regulars like Kurt Russel, Michael Maddsen, and Bruce Dern, and others by big league actors like Luke Perry, Dakota Fanning and Al Pacino. The two most egregious examples of wasted scenes/characters were Luke Perry and Mike Moh. Luke Perry plays Charlie (cough cough), who ends up being crucial to the film’s ending, and he’s mentioned a few times throughout the film, but we only see him in one super brief scene where he drives an ice cream truck, asks a question and leaves. He’s such a bit part, I would have completely forgotten about him, had I not known that Perry played this part, because I wanted to see what his role in the film was. 

Poor Mike Moh; it’s been a while since a scene has caused this much dumb contraversy. Let’s start with the obvious: Bruce Lee never said anything about making Cassius Clay a cripple, and he never even remotely implied he could beat him. The fact that he would be so easily beaten in a fight by a random tall white dude is also iffy, even if the whole point is that his arrogance blinds him to Cliff’s abilities (which is a whole other can of worms). The real kicker is that this scene is completely and utterly UNNECESSARY. Yes, it’s a fun scene, especially Kurt Russel’s bit at the end, but it could have easily been a daydream, or any other martial artist working at the time. It’s inclusion is dumb, and I wasn’t a fan. 

The second wasted character was Margot Robbie. She plays Sharon Tate, whose inclusion I thought would cause more controversy, but for whatever reason Bruce Lee was the worse of the two. First off her entire character could have easily been cut from the film, and not only would have the film not lost anything, it probably would have been better. Her character barely interacts with Rick, and never with Booth, she doesn’t do anything in the film, and her being Sharon Tate means nothing. We never see her life with Polanski, and because of the alternate ending, unless you already know exactly who she is, you wouldn’t even find out why the film focused on her so much. If you DO know who she is and what happened to her, you will just mostly be uncomfortable, because the way the film focuses on her in the last bit you think it’s going somewhere you’d rather not see.

Then we have the hippy subplot which we can group with Cliff, because they tie together. Even though it’s the plot that is closest to tying up the ending, it’s both absent from most of the film, and significantly less interesting than Rick’s plot. It’s also full of plot threads that come out of nowhere and go nowhere. 

First, if Cliff wasn’t interested in sleeping with Pussy (barf), and knew she wasn’t 18 (which was obvious from the first scene we see her in), then why would he give her a ride? Because he wanted to see the ranch? The scene where he wants to check on Joe was great; the suspense of the ranch, him meeting all the characters, going to the house and seeing the state it was in, it was all excellent. But ultimately, it didn’t contribute to anything; it was funny at the end that he recognized Tex while he was high, but the hippies weren’t there for him, they weren’t even in the right house! 

Second, as a character Cliff didn’t make much sense. He has no motivations or goals; he more or less does Rick’s bidding, and it’s not clear if it is because they are friends, or Rick pays him, or there are some unresolved feelings between them. The movie tries to cover it’s ass by hinting that both men are interested in women, but the women are barely present in the film, and in Cliff’s case, he goes out of his way NOT to have sex with her (probably the only good decision he’s made the whole film). Also, for a stuntman, and the freaking astounding shape that Pit got in, he does 0 stunts. 

Finally we have Rick. Rick had the strongest character motivations in the film, and the most interesting plotline, but by the end he gets no real resolution. His character isn’t a real person, but he doesn’t need to be; plenty of actors have been in the same situation of wanting to expand beyond the material that made them famous and potentially destroying their career in the process. I really liked Rick overall; he was emotional and dramatic, and the few scenes where he just loses it were both hilarious and kind of heartbreaking. He even gets some moments to shine acting wise; I was so interested in the plot of Lanser, the show he was filming that I would have been ok with the whole film just being him and Timothy Oliphant taking the pilot away from the real Lanser who we never see on screen. 

His interactions with the rest of the crew were great; I really enjoyed his banter with the actress (sorry actor) who plays Lanser’s daughter. She was really sharp and funny and I wish the film focused more on their friendship. I also enjoyed all his scenes with Booth and looking back now I’m surprised how few scenes they actually share together. 

Overall, this wasn’t a bad film. I find it to be one of Tarantino’s weakest, but it’s still an entertaining glimpse at a specific time in film history. I think you should watch it and make up your own mind; just don’t expect a masterpiece.

letterboxd

[samiledom]

Failings and Flaws (Part 1) — Why D&D 5th Edition is bad

We’re starting off with a bang aren’t we? Seeing how criticizing the things people like makes them feel defensive, I find it might be best to open up with a disclaimer:

Regardless of the flaws your system has and how bad it actually is, that does not mean you cannot enjoy it!

It is a common, but mistaken notion that anything someone likes is absolute good and that it cannot be bad. In a future post I’ll tackle a system I actually love. Just to make things fair!

Enough procrastinating though, let’s see why I cannot stand D&D 5th edition and why I do not think it to be the renaissance of tabletop. I will be handling this chapter-by-chapter for the most part. There will be varying lengths as some chapters simply have more to talk about than others. I will keep foul language and vitriol to a minimum, but...

Let’s just say I’m passionate about a hobby I love.

 Chapter 1  Introduction

I was going to skip this because no one really reads these, but already we have a giant red flag. Skipping the bulk of racist references from Dark Sun, explanations of situations that the rules don’t account for, and other things, we place our focus right on the ‘Wonders of Magic’ section. Already we can see magic being placed on a rather high pedestal, while also being strangely outlined as “rare”.

Considering there are entire church organizations of clerics, schools of magic, and nearly every village having a hedge mage of some sort, I’d hardly call it rare. Uncommon, sure, but rare? Not in Greyhawk. The default setting is still Greyhawk, right? We’ll have to find that one out later.

I realize it sounds like a nitpick over language—and it is, to a degree—but the place where language matters the most is in the introduction! This is where you tell people what your system is about and describing a franchise that has long been about high magic and heroic fantasy as having a scarcity of magic (that is what “rare” means) shows a deep misunderstanding about it. This is actually integral to understanding D&D 5e’s failings and why, even if it is an okay game (and that’s being generous), it is a terrible iteration of D&D.

But let’s move on and ignore how this section contradicts itself. For sanity’s sake.

Chapter 1 (for real this time)

It is actually very rare for a section dedicated to making a character to have some severe flaw with it. Sometimes it’s a good example of how not to make a character, but that is not as common as one might think. Ultimately it comes down to a few things I’ve noticed as being treated as the default.

Such as rolling ability scores. It is honestly something I take a lot of umbrage with. You can harp on about how there is no ‘winning or losing’ in D&D, but let’s face it: people like to feel like they’re accomplishing things. When you introduce a stat rolling system as the primary means of finding out your attribute scores, you are potentially denying people that. It is possible for a highly mediocre character to accomplish things, but more often than not they end up either dying in an unsatisfying way or they end up having to get coddled. Which seems to defeat the purpose of rolling stats in the first place.

At the very least they still have point buy, but why is this not the default? Perhaps Mearls was wary due to the rather misplaced thought among the community that it’s for “min-maxers”, a common bogeyman among tabletop groups. A bogeyman I actually find absurd on its own, but that is a discussion for another time.

The only other thing that really stands out is that small change to “finesse” melee weapons and ranged weapons. That being Dexterity to both attack rolls and damage rolls. I have mixed opinions on this. Making things simpler is fine, but Dexterity is often considered a “god stat” due to how much it’s worth.

Well, there’s also the advancement table barely being helpful, but this is the flaw of making a system “modular”. Let’s keep going.

Chapter 2 : Races

Now we’re going to talk about races. I will refrain from being a “grognard” so to speak, but I will be looking at the mechanics of them closely.

I’m also going to ignore the constant use of “diversity” throughout this book. Diversity is good and desperately needed in the hobby, but the way it’s constantly signaled at feels like it’s trying to draw attention away from something. We already got a nice dose of some archaic 90s racism with the previous blurb about Dark Sun.

This isn’t a social issues blog, so I’ll keep that to a minimum.

Already it seems we are trying to appease both the “old” D&D crowds of pre-4e and the 4e crowds. At least people will be ecstatic to know that Gnomes are back to being a race in the core rulebook, but the raceplosion of 3.5 and 4e has still been dialed back. They often do that to sell more books, but it took a while for 5th edition to start truly releasing content compared to its predecessors. In fact, D&D 5e used to be so devoid of content and took so long to come out and presented such little information that on many boards it was considered to be vaporware.

I’ll confess to being one of those people and I still think that what we have gotten is a sign of a definite decline. However, tabletop as a hobby in general has been shrinking. It does that sometimes and the absolute wealth of specialized board games has been cutting into traditional RPGs quite heavily.

Anyways, I’m losing track of the topic here. Let’s see how 5th edition handles races.

First we have Dwarves. Or Dwarfs, if you prefer. No huge issues with their description, it’s typical and generic, but that’s the default. All I have to say is this:

What? Female Dwarves don’t have beards?

Joking aside, it’s very typical- hold up.

Darkvision got nerfed, huh? In older versions, Darkvision let you see within a threshold of darkness as if it were normal lighting. Now it only lets you see it as dim light. Interesting.

Racial combat bonuses against Giants and Goblins are gone. I would argue that this is a good thing as it separates culture from race and allows for things like dwarves who live in overworld urban centers who would probably not have this kind of combat training...

But then they still give them obviously cultural bonuses. Oof. I would argue that race and culture should be separate, but we can ignore the problems that arise from them being treated as similar and instead move onto Elves.

Who are still perfect. Good grief.

Nothing else- wait a moment. Darkvision? Now things are starting to make sense. It seems that Low-Light Vision from older versions and Darkvision have been pushed back together into something resembling Infravision from the AD&D days. Except a little less evocative. A weird change, but I guess we wanted to make things easier on new players and “sees farther in dim light” and “sees in darkness” are too complicated of distinctions.

Another curiosity is that racial penalties appear to be missing. This is definitely something of a hold over from 4e and I am fine with it. It’s a definite positive for people who might find an entire group of people being dumber to be offensive.

Now we are onto Halflings and what the hell is that?!

Ugh. Ugly design and art aside, let’s see. They try to avoid making the obvious faux pas that Halflings often have by making them nomadic thieves who travel on colorful wagons. You don’t get points if you guess what that’s a caricature of. In fact, they emphasize the default Halflings being Hobbits with the serial numbers filed off. This is what they originally were, so it’s a return to form of sorts.

They are even better at saving throws now. A reroll on a natural 1? With no daily limit? That’s fucking amazing. The Stout Halfling is also a rather clear winner here. Being survivable is valuable in D&D.

It’s time for Humans. Yawn. Not because Humans are dull, but it is very hard for a fantasy setting to make them exciting it seems. Either they are just the generic everyman or there is an almost uncomfortable and, dare I say, cringe level of “humanity fuck yeah!” to them. There is also a curious level of Forgotten Realms discussion in the blurb-

Wait. Is the default setting fucking Faerun? Did Mearls seriously, in the same breath, use Faerun as a base and then imply that D&D is low magic? Holy shit.

Moving on from my brief stint of acidic bile, we see that Humans are still the everyman. Big yawn. However, something draws my attention. Particularly that ‘variant rule’ box. Two piddling attribute score bonuses (but they can still be valuable increases, especially with a hard cap on stats) are nothing special, but proficiency in a skill (akin to 3.5′s free skill point) and a feat of their choice?

Given 5e’s feat design (we’ll be tackling that one later) that is a significant boon. In fact, it’s safe to say that humans are most likely one of the strongest races again. Some things never change.

Dragonborn are next. They essentially became the gateway furry race in 4e and it seems that we are keeping them here. Now, I don’t have a huge problem with Dragonborn, big dragon people are cool, but I can see how some people might have an issue with it, especially given their old and new lore. Whatever. We get a little blurb that people might be afraid of Dragonborn because your average peasant is kind of racist. Sure. Though I feel like if you are normalizing oddities like this enough for them to viable character options, only the most rural of folks would act like this.

Then again, probably not.

Their stats are typical and what you’d expect. There’s also a blurb about Draconians from Dragonlance now being evil Dragonborn. Okay? They say that they lack breath weapons and have unique spells instead, but they don’t say what these are so it’s an actual waste of fucking space to mention. There aren’t any subraces or actual variants, which is a bit egregious due to how different dragons are.

Now we are at Gnomes. I don’t like them. I find it funny how they have been downgraded from a core race to an unusual one. I also find it bizarre and I am curious about the reasoning behind it. People may find a sense of dread in the “Seeing the World” section outright saying that Gnomes tend to be obnoxious pieces of shit and I would agree with them.

Fuck Gnomes.

Mechanically speaking they are odd in that the base race barely applies anything at all whereas the subraces add in the vast bulk of it. All Gnomes are more intelligent than others, but for the most part it seems that they are keeping the differences between them significant. Which is fine.

Half-Elves are kind of whatever. No subraces, despite Elves being different from one another. Okay.

One of the most problematic races of them all, Half-Orcs, are still in. They’ve been a core thing for a while, but it can make some people uncomfortable. Whether it’s due to the typical circumstances of their birth or the near-alcoholic levels of urges to commit violence, they are worth a lot of complaints. You can tell good stories involving these, but it’s a hot topic that may not be worth tackling.

As usual they are oriented entirely towards hitting things good and being hard to kill. Halflings are more survivable though.

Now here’s something interesting: Tieflings, but no Aasimar. Surely with the subrace system an overall Half-Outsider with subraces involving the main planes would be better? I guess not. Oh well. Surely Mearls has used this subrace system to allow for Tieflings that have descended from different devilish lineages? No?

What a fucking waste of potential. Again. I really have nothing more to say about this.

They’re what you expect.

That’s about it for this post. The next one will pretty much be solely dedicated to classes. There’s a lot to go through there and this post is already painfully long. Long enough that I may break it up into two parts in the future. We’ll see. Until next time!