#childfreelife

[shayberz]

👏🏻 💥 🥲 #childfree #childfreebychoice #childfreemovement #childfreelife #childfreelifestyle #childfreeandlovingit #childfreewomen #childfreeforlife #childfreezone #childfreeandhappy https://www.instagram.com/p/ChPmZcAOlLM/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[aquagrand]

International Childfree Day

Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see. 

#childfree #childfreelife #childfreelifestyle #childfreeandhappy #childfreeday #InternationalChildFreeDay #aquagrand 

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[witchofmabon]

LET ME MAKE SOMETHING CLEAR......

I do not want children.

I am childfree for ever and ever and ever.

My pets are allergic to children and probably me too.

PERIOD.

Thanks.

[childfreekenya]

I'll see you tomorrow 😉😉 #childfree #nokids #kidfree #notamum #kidfreelife #childless #childlessbychoice #childfreebychoice #childfreelife #childfreelifestyle #childfreeandlovingit #childfreecommunity #unapologeticallychildfree #teamnokids #idontwantkidsthough #neverhavingkids #iamchildfree #childfreeforever #childfreeandhappy #childfreefamily #nokidsallowed (at Nairobi, Kenya) https://www.instagram.com/p/CRasT9Elnlq/?utm_medium=tumblr

[laceypruett]

The Latest Read...

When I started babysitting, I read books about caring for babies. I was a naturally-good caretaker of ages 3 to 8 because of my own childhood & caring for my sisters, but babies scared me. 

When I learned I was going to be an aunt, I worked & studied to understand what my sisters were going through, so I could best support them. (I even got a whooping cough vax I didn’t want, so I could be one of the first to hold my nieces & nephews.) When I married a man with kids, I started studying up on blending families, so I could be the best support to him. (By the way, I’ve got a new book to add to this collection now—mine.) When I started volunteering with families in need, abused children, and domestic violence victims, I started reading about what can possibly go so wrong, and I did some personal work on my immediate judgement of abusers. The family unit has always been valuable to me, but as I went through life, I saw how it can all go sideways, too. My decision to not have children has so many legs, and what I experienced when I started sharing this decision was largely judgement and misunderstanding. Nobody “studied up” or tried to understand me or this decision better. That was a bummer after a lifetime of supporting those who opt to become parents. 

I forged through and found my own supportive network, and my world opened up even bigger, with both moms & non-moms in the mix. One of these friends, Tanya, started an international magazine to share more of this childfree lifestyle, and I am proud of her.  

As a writer, author, and generally kind person, I feel we all should share our stories in a more authentic way. If you’re busy learning, sharing and supporting, there is very little time for judgement & misunderstanding. It’s nice here.  The latest issue (with an article from me included) can be found here. It’s a great read and perspective for everyone—parents and non-parents alike. 

[randommusersmusings]

Childfree CAN be freeing: A Response to a Response

“'Childfree' may not be as freeing as it sounds”. The name of the article by a mother named Tamara that I accidentally stumbled on, browsing Google with my free (of children) time. The article was meant to be a reply, of sorts, to the Guardian's “Childfree Women” series. I rolled my eyes. Here we go, I thought. Another person who thinks being childfree is an attack on mothers everywhere. Another argument to birth children we don't want to have. Another rebuttal to our reasonings, fears, and wants, trying to strip it all away until we reach the conclusion that we can now just go ahead and start making babies, and you're welcome, by the way, for making up your mind for you. Maybe it's not that bad though, I thought. Besides, it's fair for her to voice how she feels. I clicked on the article. “I wonder where they've put all the articles that make the case for having kids,” it began. I clicked off the article. I'm not subjecting myself to that, I thought. But curiosity killed the cat, as they say, and I have to imagine it's that same curiosity that led to me crawling right back to that article. Still reading, still trying to make sense of it. Where are the articles for having kids? Well, let's see if I can answer that.

“...talks about opting out of having kids for a number of purposes, most of which struck me as excuses rather than really good reasons”. Did... I miss something? Pray tell what is a “good reason” to not want kids? Who do we report to, and do we need a note from our doctors? In any case, one of the reasons (or “excuses”) was the overpopulation of the planet and climate change, and fear of exacerbating both issues by adding more children to it. Tamara's argument was that one can simply counter their offspring's existence by donating to charities and organizations that battle climate change. There's a few things wrong with that. Number 1: we still just don't want kids. Number 2: she's assuming we have money. If we don't have money to spend on children then how do we have money to spend on charities? Now on the other hand, we do have enough wealth and resources on the planet to feed everyone, and to maintain ourselves and any children we see fit to bring into this world. If we only spread the wealth and share the resources. Ah. There's the catch, we're doing exactly the opposite of that. Families are still living in poverty in... everywhere, while the rich get richer. Families already struggle in a world where one medical emergency can shoot a family far down the poverty well, then take the ladder away.

“...also talks about kids being difficult and costly, but isn't anything worthwhile the same”. Not always, actually, but for the sake of argument let's say sure. Not only can I now refer back to my previous point (we have no money) but I'll raise Tamara the problems that can come with wanting to do all the things you find worthwhile. Where is everyone going to get all the money they need to provide a good living situation for their kids and also, say, go to college? Not only would that be incredibly costly in terms of our money, but also in our time. It can be done, sure, but it's hard, and only gets harder the less money, time, and overall privilege we have. If your spouse isn't supportive, if your have a job, if you have no one to watch your kids during the day, if you have no car, need to bus it, and be back in time to make dinner—the list goes on. It can be so, so hard to be able to do everything you want to do with a tight budget, and the time and demands can simply be too much for the person trying to do them. It can be done, we've seen it before, but there's a reason those stories stand out. It's because they don't happen often. So if a uterus-bearer decides they want to prioritize their education and/or career over having children, then more power to them, I say. It's a fair choice for many in a world where's it's near impossible to have it all.

“...insists...it is not selfish for a woman to decide to never have a child”. It's not. “...But I can say that having children does involve selflessness”. Well...in theory, yes. Sadly not always in practice, though. But do continue. “A woman’s body changes for her child, her mind changes for her child; every moment is affected by the existence of that child”. We know. That's what we're trying to avoid. “I, for one, think personal growth involves being more selfless, and if having kids helps with that, then great”. Well sure, unless we don't want to actually raise a kid. I'm sorry but what's so difficult to understand about that? One can grow as a person without forcing a child to come along as a crutch to help one deal with their emotional baggage, thank you. In fact, I would argue it's much more beneficial to do whatever you need to do (therapy, medication, anything) to help manage your struggles, and then bring a child into the world if you see fit. For many people, dealing with their issues as well as their child's issues can hinder their personal growth, rather than help it. Not everyone seems to want to hear this, but children don't “fix” a parent's problems and they don't “fix” the parent. Managing problems is so personal to each individual, and it's frankly dangerous and irresponsible to tell them having a child will help with their personal growth. That's just not always the case.

“Sources please? I don't hear women being told that their only value is domestic”. Well Tamara isn't listening enough, then. Here's the thing about getting sources on something like this: it's awfully hard to do. The problem is it's not something that we have proof of just laying under couch cushions like loose change. It's an attitude, an idea, ingrained into society. In the way we talk, in our attitudes, our assumptions. How often do we hear about the lazy stay at home mom trope? Now if this has never been an issue for Tamara, then great! No seriously, that's good to hear, because that's how it should be! But the problem is, that's not everyone's experience, and it isn't the norm, either. Society has this unspoken assumption that a woman is going to stay home, take care of house and kids, and split precisely zero of these responsibilities with her husband, whom she also takes care of. Children assumed to be female at birth are pretty much trained to take care of the house and the men in it once they're old enough to stand. How many families leave the menfolk to watch football or drink a beer and talk while the women (including children) cook, clean up, and otherwise serve the men, before they are allowed to enjoy themselves, too? Don't ever try to tell me that women and feminized people aren't valued for their domestic contributions more-so than men, and that there's no pressure on them to prioritize that over everything else. Just don't.

Now, this next point...it made me angry, I won't lie. The author recounts how a couple of women writing in didn't want to have children, as their families were alcoholics and neither wanted to pass on their addictive genes. To that: “Having a loved one who has struggled with addiction and has now been in recovery for many years, I see that the lessons he can pass on to his kids – whether they have addictive personalities or not – are so, so valuable. He is more the inspiring person for the difficulties he has been through and overcome, and he is evidence of the good that can come out of suffering”. I...how dare she? How dare she diminish those women's experiences like that? Listen, I'm glad her loved one is doing well, okay? I am. But I'm sure he would be heartbroken to watch any of his kids go through what he did, knowing how hard it was for him. Also, to be frank, not everyone does overcome those struggles. Not having experience with addictions myself, I'm reluctant to talk too much about this. I haven't seen or lived with this. But please, if you read how someone grew up with parents struggling with addiction, and talking about not wanting to pass that struggle on to their own kids, don't counter with “A world devoid of suffering doesn't help kids –teaching them how to move on from it is what counts”. It's tone-deaf, dismissive, and sickening.

“Yes, there are burdens associated with being a parent”. We still know that. We still want to avoid those. “But there is also the freedom of choosing to love, choosing to live for others...to be less self-seeking”. Oh my God. Choosing to love? Excuse you? Is this that “you don't know real love until you have children” thing? Do I, She Without Children, actually hate my parents, my pets, and my brother, because I don't have the love of a child? Man I hate that argument. It's truly pointless. Many childfree people are perfectly capable of feeling love, as is...any human being out there, really. Also, “choosing to live for others” doesn't necessarily have to mean bringing kids into the world. If one wants to one can adopt a kid already here and waiting for a good home. One can volunteer at or donate clothing and food to a homeless shelter. One can donate to charities, if you have the funds to. Adopt a pet from a shelter. There are so many ways someone can make other's lives richer, and procreating isn't the be all end all to that selflessness. Which again, doesn't always happen. “If you ask me, there’s still a very strong case for motherhood”. There is, and that's if you actually want to have children.

Well. There we have it. “I wonder where they've put all the articles that make the case for having kids”. Do I have an answer? I think I do. Go and read her article. I'll wait. Back? Good. Now, in that whole article, the tone implies that people with a uterus definitely want to have kids. Like the default is just “you want kids”. Of course you do. What do you mean you don't? Why don't you want kids? There it is. When women and feminized people don't want kids, that's an attitude that's outside of the norm society has imposed on us. We don't want kids, so now we have to argue out way through an invisible judge and jury to give us permission to feel that way. The pro-motherhood sentiment is already all around us, in societal pressures, in the media we consume, in our medical practices. Uterus-bearers are often turned down for medical sterilization on the grounds that they “might change their minds”, or worse, their husbands might want kids. This line has been used on people who aren't even married. Our bodies are already forbidden from being ours on the grounds they belong to men. Sometimes hypothetical men we haven't met yet! That's why it's time, finally, to give childfree people the platform we need to let our voices be heard. To explain something that we should be able to say in five words: “I just don't want to”. So instead of counter-pointing and arguing and trying to get people to change their minds about deeply personal decisions about their own bodies, just stop, and try listening to us instead.

[dddemigirl]

#childfree #itsokaytobechildfree #childfreebychoice #childfreelife https://www.instagram.com/p/Byje5tMJHEw/?igshid=16gr6zw1r0pnz

[amdgliz-blog]

This is ridiculous what’s happening with @plannedparenthood i mean- people pro-life aren’t shutting down hospitals?? #pansexual #bodypositivity #nonbinary #fuckyourabortionban #activist #women #abortionishealthcare #childfree #birthcontrol #loveislove #prochoiceisprolife #womenempowerment #childfreebychoice #blm #guncontrol #writer #prolifegeneration #nokids #childfreelife #kidfree #alabama #childfreeandlovingit #ableism #childfreeblog #reproductivehealth #bitchybookkeeper #metoo #childfreeliving #cfbc #nokidsforme https://www.instagram.com/p/B1clZPCgpE9/?igshid=tywf6yvc6uvf

[bohemiancostarica]

Yep! Also #childfreeandlovingit. LOL! When I went to get my tubes tied, so many people were up in my business and "worried" I would change my mind. I've been on vacation for 14 years and I couldn't have done this if I'd caved to the patriarchy and had kids I didn't want. #fuckthepatriarchy #singleandlovingit Zarcero, Costa Rica. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . #bohemiancostarica #zarcero #zarcerocostarica #costarica🇨🇷 #costaricagram #instacostarica #ig_costarica #childfreebychoice #childfreelife #childfreelifestyle #childfreezone #childfreeforlife #mydogsaremykids #tubestied #nokidsnoworries #nokidsforme #singlebychoice (at Zarcero) https://www.instagram.com/p/CVib18lFUGt/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ohtheplacesblog]

That moment you realize you are attending 2 conferences @childfree_family @black_writers_workspace simultaneously and pulling it off smoothly. Yaaasss! #Multitasking #Conferences #I❤️conferences #writing #writinggoals #writercommunity #ChildfreeLife #childfreecommunity https://www.instagram.com/p/CR_5FDYr_ej/?utm_medium=tumblr

[shayberz]

#childfree #childfreebychoice #childfreetiktok #childfreelife #childfreelifestyle #childfreeandhappy #childfreeandlovingit #catsnotkids #childfreeandhappy https://www.instagram.com/p/Chprw7ILzUf/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[witchofmabon]

When you live in a building full of children....

It's official! I'm never going to have children.

[childfreekenya]

The uninterrupted naps superhero who sleeps in on weekends and still saves the planet. #childfree #nokids #kidfree #notamum #kidfreelife #childless #childlessbychoice #childfreebychoice #childfreelife #childfreelifestyle #childfreeandlovingit #childfreecommunity #unapologeticallychildfree #teamnokids #idontwantkidsthough #neverhavingkids #iamchildfree #childfreeforever #childfreeandhappy #childfreefamily #nokidsallowed #cfbc https://www.instagram.com/p/CReJyKyFNty/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lavenderlunascauldron]

I've been focusing on my artwork and doing okay with less depression episodes for months. I went to the doctor about sterilization for one health problem and found out I'm a type II diabetic. No surgery and have to focus on getting my blood sugar under control. So now my depression has come back in full force. ~Lavender Luna #pagansofinstagram #witchesofinstagram #wiccansofinstagram #witchy #wiccan #depressionsucks #childfreewomen #childfree #childfreelife #teamnokids #sterilization #diabetic #diabetes #diabetessuck #type2diabetic #paganism #witchy

[snakelady]

I don’t usually “rub it in,” but this is my day! 😁 Happy #internationalchildfreeday! I’ve never wanted kids. I never will. I’m too old now. And I don’t reGRETA thing! #iDoWhatIWant #childfree #childfreebychoice #childfreelife #childfreeandlovingit #childfree4life #NotChildlessButChildFree #nokids #DINKs #happiness https://www.instagram.com/p/CDW1ISdM1rd/?igshid=tj1zwr1an3gu

[greenwitchthingsstuff]

#onlinedating isn’t fun for #childfreebychoice people 😬 #dating #datingapp #plentyoffish #childfree #childfreelife https://www.instagram.com/p/CDJcqCPD-du/?igshid=17mph2q2u6pvb