#childhood & teen crushes aesthetic

[planetofaesthetics]

Childhood & Teen Crushes (aka “Boys I Loved Before”) Aesthetic | Prince Soma

[cosmicdestinie]

Listing my female childhood crushed cause I'm bored (plus memes as a reaction)

1. Master tigress

Master tigress aka my first female crush I was 8 back then and she was so cool

2. Vidia

Come on who didn't crush on her

3. Sergeant Calhoun

Aaaah

4. Gogo tomago

SHE . IS . EVERYTHING

5. Marceline

I remember liking Finn first but then she appeared and I was like Finn who

6. Raven

I still crush on her ngl

[bimbobaggins69]

wanna try something?

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

summary: you and Eddie have been dating for a few months on top of a year long fwb situation, and an even longer friendship. You’ve tried almost everything together, that is until you stumble upon the x rated section in family video and are instantly drawn to a tape of something you never thought you’d be into.

warnings: smut ahead, 18+ mdni, queer!eddie, mentions of steddie, small mention of internalized homophobia, no use of y/n, use of pet names: baby, princess, sweet girl etc.), oral (m receiving), anal play (m receiving).

notes: I have been wanting to write a fic about Eddie’s bussy forever so… when I got the urge I had to do it. Also, the pictures have almost nothing to do with this fic, aside from the vhs’s, believe it or not finding an aesthetic for eating ass is very difficult. Also also, thank you to my love @take-everything-you-can for beta reading <333

wc: 3.2k

The sound of lips smacking is all that can be heard in the empty air of Eddie’s trailer, the shitty horror movie playing in the background quickly forgotten and the booming sound coming from the speakers are quickly becoming white noise as you moan and pant into each other's mouths.

This was usually how it went; you’d both agree to have a “movie night” just to totally forget about said movie and go straight to attacking each other's lips while hands and mouths explore different body parts.

You’d both been together for 3 months now after a year of being friends with benefits and before that just childhood best friends.

It felt nice to have sex with someone you knew would never judge you or make you do things you didn’t want to, Eddie was so selfless not only in the bedroom but all the time, it’s one of the many things you adored about him.

The sex was mind blowing between you two, like you were made for each other. The first night you lost your virginity to Eddie he had looked over at you while trying to catch his breath to say “why haven’t we always been doing this?”

The truth is, you had more than friendly feelings for Eddie for years, but for most of his teens he was grappling with his sexuality, you were the only one he opened up to about it. He wasn’t sure if he was straight at all or even liked girls. He kept this a secret but the only crush Eddie had seemed to have on any girl was you, and since he felt like he couldn’t have you, he didn’t want any other. So, he decided to explore that other side of him.

But once you started to show interest in him. The longing stares, the way your eyes would flicker to his lips and the way you’d say his name, was all he needed to know you felt the same way.

So after a long night filled with sexual tension, Eddie made his move and kissed you, he took your virginity that night and it was the most mind blowing sex he’d ever had. He decided at that moment that sex is better with someone you love.

You’d both played stubborn for a year, never wanting to fully let your feelings be known, so you decided a friends with benefits situation would be best.

That was until Eddie couldn’t hold back his feelings any longer, he needed you to know he was madly in love with you and didn’t want anyone else, ever.

So now after a year of the dirtiest, raunchiest, roughest sex, there was pretty much nothing you both hadn’t done together, you were open minded to anything Eddie wanted to try with you: choking, hair pulling, some face smacking and him cuffing you to his bed, are just a few.

There really wasn’t anything Eddie could come to you with that you’d shoot down, giving him another reason to be head over heels about you.

But, you still felt like there were things you could improve on or maybe new things to be learned, so after one of your many solo trips to family video, you decided to check out the X rated section.

You looked both ways before quickly swinging the red velvet curtain open and quickly shutting it behind you, as if you were on some top secret mission.

Your fingertips glided along the numerous dirty videos, looking for anything that caught your eye.

You stopped abruptly, your fingertip halting on a tape that made your eyes widen and your thighs clench.

The title of the video made you scoff, ‘along comes likki’ with a very dirty picture of a man bent over and a girl's face shoved in his ass.

You and Eddie had never done ass stuff before and the thought of having him under your complete control, if even for a minute was making your panties dampen.

You wanted to give Eddie the same blissed out face the man on the cover had.

So you discreetly put your goonies tape over it and shoved them both under your arm.

You walk up to the register and it’s just your luck that Robin had taken her break and Steve was the one that would be ringing you up. You had known all about his and Eddie’s relationship, if you could even call it that. They had fucked and then after Steve had pushed Eddie away and told him that it would never happen again and that he wasn’t gay, even though Eddie had opened up to him and explained that he knew he liked men and women, told Steve it was called bisexuality and Steve seemed very interested in the prospect only to after push Eddie away and basically call him gay, totally negating everything they had opened up to each other about. It had definitely hurt him and you were there to pick up the pieces.

But you couldn’t be mad at Steve, you knew he was in a battle with his inner self, that he would hopefully one day come to terms with.

“You ready to check out?” The honey eyed boy says from behind the counter, totally knocking you out of your inner thoughts. Those same thoughts that made you forget what tape you had underneath your arm.

“Mhmm” is all you say as you grab the two tapes and slowly place them on the counter.

Your face grows hot with realization and now you wish the ground would swallow you up whole.

“You find everything good?” Steve says, trying to make conversation as he rings up the goonies, he sets it aside and before he goes to pick up the next video, he freezes and looks back up at you.

“Yeah, I did.” The words come out fast and jumbled as your eyes plead with him to just hurry up.

But of course to your dismay, Steve’s lips curl into a knowing smirk. He grabs the video and rings it up, “yeah, looks like it.” He says while holding the video up and shaking it as his eyebrows shoot up under his perfectly coiffed hair.

Nothing would or could ever embarrass you as much as this interaction.

Steve licks his lips and leans against the counter, “don’t worry honey, your secret is safe with me.” He says with a wink. You wanted to tell him “so is yours.” But you could never do that.

Especially not with the way you were nervously chewing at your lip.

Finally after paying, Steve handed you your bag but not before letting his fingers linger over yours for far too long.

“You have a great day, beautiful.” He says with the most lust filled eyes.

You weren’t sure if you were aroused or annoyed, maybe both? But he knew you and Eddie were together, so it was pretty uncool of him to flirt with you.

Then again, it’s Steve, doesn’t he flirt with everyone? It’s like his second language.

Once you make it into your bedroom, you lock your door and pop the video into your vhs player, grab the remote on your night stand and sit on the end of your bed, no one is home but you turn the volume down almost all the way, just in case.

The video starts out with some shitty plot and bad acting, so you fast forward until you find what you're looking for. Finally, you click the play button when you see a man sitting on the couch and a woman on her knees between his spread legs, he has his cock out and he’s hitting it against the woman’s tongue before she takes it in her mouth, she proceeds to choke, lick and suck on it. Eddie had always seemed to enjoy your blowjobs, but Jesus they were nothing like this.

She was using her hand to twist and suck, and spit was constantly falling from her mouth from deepthroating, it was too hot for you not to slip your fingers into your shorts and make yourself cum.

The woman lowered herself while the man spread his legs even wider, she sucked on his balls before licking lower and finally lapping up at his puckered hole, it immediately sent you over the edge.

The whole thing was so dirty and hot, you knew you had to try it on Eddie.

So that leads you to your forgotten movie, playing in the background while you straddle your boyfriend's lap. His hands grip at your waist and you can’t help but to rub your clothed core over the stiffness of his hard on, under the material of his rough jeans.

“Fuck, baby.” Eddie breathes out into the expanse of your neck as he sucks and kisses the tender area, after a particularly hard roll of your hips.

“I want you to strip for me, and then I wanna taste you.” He whispers into the shell of your ear, before taking your earlobe into his mouth and sucking.

“Actually Ed’s, wanna try something?” You boldly say as you bat your lashes down at the metalhead.

“Oh yeah? Well lay it on me princess.” He replies, sinking further into the cushions as he playfully taps his chest.

“Um, well…” you trail off, all the confidence seemingly evaporating from your body.

“C’mon sweet girl, you know you can tell me anything.” He softly says as he runs his ringed fingers over your cheek bone.

You decide it would be easier to show him what you want, so you mirror the position from the porno, getting on your knees and in between his spread legs.

“Mmm, you wanna suck my cock, is that it?” He smirks, while looking down at your glossy, lust filled eyes.

You don’t answer, instead you bring your shaky hands to undo his handcuff belt, but he instantly notices and takes your hands in his, he brings his chin down to his chest, trying to catch your eye.

“Baby, talk to me.” He says with concern as he pulls you from your knees to sit in his lap, his arms wrap around your waist as he kisses the top of your head.

“I um,” you start, not knowing how to put what you want into words but deciding to be truthful about it.

“Well okay, here’s the truth..” you take a deep breath before continuing “I stopped by family video the other day, and I was curious so I went to the adult section and I found a tape, I decided to rent it and well… it was really hot and I wanna try it on you.” You say while hiding your face in his chest.

His eyebrows shoot up under his bangs in intrigue.

“Well now you gotta tell me, baby.” He says before gently grabbing your chin with his fingers and finally looking into your eyes.

You swallow hard before you finally come out with it, “I wanna eat your ass.” You hate the way it sounds coming out of your mouth, which is exactly why you took so long to finally say it.

Eddie’s eyes widen, he’s in shock that you would even suggest it, he’s no stranger to it, but it just doesn’t seem like something chicks would be into.

All of his sexual encounters before you had been with men, but he’s always been a top, in other words he’s eaten plenty of ass but never had it given in return. Never had his ass played with at all.

But he would let you do whatever you wanted to him, without a doubt and hearing that something like that turns you on is making his cock painfully hard in his tight jeans.

“Fuck, you wanna give me a rim job, princess?” He breathily says, as if all the wind had been knocked out of him.

“Mmhm.” You say through your bitten lip.

“Get back on your knees for me, angel.” He says while patting the exposed flesh of your thigh.

You do as you’re told, shifting around to find a comfortable enough position.

“Good girl.” Eddie smiles down at you with his lust blown eyes, his dimples on full display as his smile causes light creases in his skin.

Eddie helps you remove his belt and jeans, pulling his jeans and checkered boxers down in one swoop and playfully kicking them off his feet, making you giggle before grabbing and pulling them off the rest of the way.

You move in closer, your hands rub up and down Eddie’s thighs as your eyes rake over his body, he looks so good, his bangs slightly sticking to his forehead from the growing heat in the trailer.

He’s looking down at you with so much love and lust, it makes your head spin.

You try your best to remember everything the woman was doing on the tape.

So you wrap your hand around Eddie’s hard, throbbing cock and stick your tongue out, giving it a few slaps against the pink wet muscle.

“Oh, fuck.” Whimpers Eddie before he’s tearing his shirt off over his head, and tossing it somewhere behind you.

You take his tip in your mouth and begin sucking, taking him in deeper until he reaches the back of your throat, you close your eyes and breath through your nose willing yourself not to choke on it. You bob your head fucking your own mouth on his cock, allowing for that build up of spit to pool in your mouth.

You pull off of him with a pop before spitting on his tip, you curl your fingers back around him and begin spreading your saliva around the reddened head, all the way down to where the shaft meets his balls, the quick movements create a slick sound that squelches out into the muggy room.

“Jesus Christ baby, you weren’t fucking around were you?” He chuckles as he lightly squirms in his seat, it feels too fucking good and he’s trying his hardest not already blow his load.

You giggle and smile up at him from your place on your knees, that picture alone of you with your cute fucking giggle and beautiful smile along with your spit soaked lips and chin were so close to doing him in.

You wink at him before you move down to his balls and begin light licks and sucks at the tender skin.

“Oh my god, fuck yes.” He’s a babbling, whimpering mess and you have never felt so fucking powerful.

Finally after you worship his balls with a few more gentle sucks, you take his thighs and spread them out more, almost lifting them up into the air, making Eddie fall back further into the couch as his eyes widen at your manhandling.

He scoots down, his ass almost halfway off the couch as he brings his knees in towards his stomach, giving you the perfect view of his tight pink hole.

You continue to stroke him, his cock still slippery from all of your spit.

“You ready?” You quietly ask, Eddie nods his head as he bites down on his lip.

You wanted to tease him like he does you and give him the “use your words” bullshit, but you’re just as eager as he is, so you take that as his final answer.

Your tongue lightly brushes against his hole, making him slightly jump in surprise. You put more pressure on your tongue, getting more into it as you go. You imagine this is what eating a girl's pussy would be like, which is something you’d always wanted to try.

“Holy fuck!” Eddie gasps from above you, “oh fuck, th-that feels so good, baby.” He’s been reduced to a complete puddle, his cock is leaking so much precum, you wanted to just lick it all up. You get an idea and bring your tongue to his tip, licking his mess but you don’t swallow, instead you let it sit in your mouth before bringing the precum to his asshole, using it as lubrication to gently slip your tongue into his tight muscle.

Eddie looks down at you in utter shock, he’s never been so turned on and ready to burst in his life.

“Baby, baby, holy- you gotta stop or I’m gonna cum.” He whines, as his head falls back at the overwhelming pleasure of it all.

You slip your tongue out, a mischievous glint in your eyes has Eddie’s breath hitches in his throat.

“Can I finger you while I suck your cock, Ed?” You implore with a pout of your vibrant colored lips.

“Oh my god.” Eddie rubs at his face in astonishment, were you trying to kill him?

“Is that a yes?” You timidly ask, not sure if his reaction was good or bad.

Eddie lifts his head up again, meeting your eyes with a smile.

“You’re a little fucking minx, you know that?” He sighs before finally answering your question—

“Yes, you can do whatever you want to me, sweet girl.” He slams his head back into the cushions, bracing himself for the intrusion.

You spit on your finger tips and rub it into his hole, before doing it again, making sure to get it nice and wet. You had a friend who told you she tried to do anal dry, and it hurt like hell. So you know you have to get it nice and prepped with your spit before you finally proceed.

You rub more of your spit around before taking your middle finger and ever so slowly entering Eddie’s asshole.

His hands instantly grab for the fabric of the cushions, hanging on for dear life because the way you were making him feel, was beyond his comprehension.

He thought for sure if he’d let go, he’d float away.

You slip your finger in to the knuckle, while Eddie continues his incoherent babbling.

You begin slowly moving in and out while simultaneously taking Eddie’s cock in your mouth, his whole body stiffens as he lets out a guttural groan.

You let him hit the back of your throat over and over while speeding up your finger. The noises from his wet asshole to the sounds of you sucking him off and his beautiful, pleasure filled moans has your clit throbbing and begging for friction.

“Mmm, baby, Im- holy fuck I’m gonna cum, gonna cum in your fucking mouth!” He shouts as his eyes roll back in his head.

He looks down at you one last time, before he begins shooting rope after rope of warm cum into your mouth. You make a show of swallowing and licking the rest of his cock clean, you slowly remove your finger from his hole and bring it up to your lips, sucking it, just like he does when he fingers you.

Eddie’s sat up on the palms of his hands as he watches the display, he instantly growls in satisfaction and pulls you by the loops of your jeans shorts onto his lap, he grabs your face and smashes his lips to yours, a sloppy spit filled kiss.

Eddie moans at the taste of himself on you.

He was in heaven and you were a fucking angel.

[baobhanlore-art]

So Vivzie just tweeted this and I have thoughts that won't fit well into tweets so here I am

For starters, the criticism of fanfiction isn't targeted towards the queer aspects. In fact I've found that some of the most extreme critics of fanfiction culture are also queer people. From the fujoshi fandom that causes an extreme rise in MlM shipping but largely for fem gazey smut, the unrecognised untagged unhealthy relationship tropes, to the misogyny often within these works, stories like these come with many issues.

The criticism of writing feeling like fanfiction, especially towards Helluva Boss, is that the elements of the stories people heavily critique feel unnecessary, tropey, and derailing from consistency.

In The Circus, I do not fault the idea of a queer character having a childhood crush on a same sex friend. The problem is more to do with how it stunts the desperation Blitz has to keep his business alive, since he's no longer just sleeping with some rich guy but an old friend, and the sudden unexpectedness of their situation. It's also a common trope where the live interests actually knew each other as kids so it feels overdone and generic.

In Exes and Oohs, the mafia setting feels completely bizarre considering the intense bigotry and classism within the world. Not only that but the daddy issues, fridged mum, forced marriage and overall unrealistic depiction of the mafia is very common in fanfiction written by teens who do no research and just want the aesthetics.

Secondly, there are plenty of straight works that have a similar label attached to them. ACOTAR and TOH both have writers who originally wrote fanfiction and they didn't develop out of the negative habits within fanfiction writing. Therefore their original work feels like fanfiction. Riverdales "I'm weird, I'm a weirdo" speech was heavily critiqued for sounding like a fanfiction line.

Thirdly, a big reason for being compared to fanfiction is the unfinished feeling of the scripts. I've already pointed out in a previous post that some of the dialogue in Western Energy felt like it needed to be cut down by an editor. And most people agree that the situations and logic aren't often very well thought through, such as how the aging machine could have just been reversed or how DORKS should have been killed off. The scripts feel like loose first drafts that could use additional edits. Fanfiction usually doesn't have an editor or even a beta reader, I've seen more "no beta we die like *insert character*" tags in many of the fandoms I read for than "beta" tags.

If people critiqued the owl house for feeling fanficcy because it had a diverse cast in a highschool setting with a quirky MC, I'd agree it's a bad descriptor because it's directly the queer and neurodivergent stories that are being attacked. Or if Murder Drones was labelled as fanficcy because it has an edgy teen female MC I'd say it's unfair because a lot of girls genuinely act like that and deserve to be represented and have our stories told. But most of the criticism about Helluva Boss to do with its LGBT rep is less to do with its inclusion and more to do with people feeling it's falling into yaoi tropes. Not the fact it includes queer stories.

This is something We Are Not Alive said recently that such with me, but just because it's an indie project doesn't mean we have to settle for subpar writing. There are loads of indie productions you can support! Murder Drones, Lackadaisy, the animated Anne Frank movie, and these are just some of the more popular ones!

And I wish people would stop weaponising every single argument to try and defend issues in Helluva Boss. The fandom says "of course it has issues" then cries when we point that out.

[telomeke]

get to know me ask game

Thanks for tagging me @colourme-feral!

RULES: bold the ones that are true & tag 10 people to do it.

APPEARANCE

blonde hair // I prefer loose clothing to tight clothing // I have one or more piercings // I have at least one tattoo // I have dyed or highlighted my hair // I have gotten plastic surgery // I have or had braces // I sunburn easily // I have freckles // I paint my nails // I typically wear makeup // I don’t often smile // I am pleased with how I look // I prefer Nike to Adidas // I wear baseball hats backwards

I started graying early (in my teens) so the hair dye is for when I want to change things up a bit. Braces are a rite of passage for so many, including me. I don't often smile, so people think I'm more serious than I actually am (also because of RBF). I'm satisfied with how I look because you've always got to love yourself first, and understand that nobody is perfect (so you shouldn't expect that of yourself either, whether in looks or any other department).

HOBBIES & TALENTS

I play a sport // I can play an instrument // I am artistic // I know more than one language // I have won a trophy in some sort of competition // I can cook or bake without a recipe // I know how to swim // I enjoy writing // I can do origami // I prefer movies to tv shows // I can execute a perfect somersault // I enjoy singing // I could survive in the wild on my own // I have read a new book series this year // I enjoy spending time with friends // I travel during work or school breaks // I can do a handstand

Can play piano but not well. I like art but don't indulge in it too much (except maybe writing). Grew up in a multilingual environment and that's made me love languages and linguistics. Trophies were mostly school stuff, nothing to write home about. I cook a lot, bake a bit less, but it's to get around food intolerances. Used to swim a lot. Writing is my first love. Origami and papercraft are fun. Prefer singing to piano (always have, and the background in music theory means I can appreciate some forms though I much prefer pop and R&B to classical). I used to travel a lot more, but do it less after the pandemic; traveling is less fun for me now and I prefer to voyage on the Internet instead.

RELATIONSHIP

I am in a relationship // I have been single for over a year // I have a crush // I have a best friend who I’ve known for ten years // my parents are together// I have dated my best friend // I am adopted // my crush has confessed to me // I have a long distance relationship // I am an only child // I give advice to my friends // I have made an online friend // I met up with someone I have met online

Spouse and I have been together a long, long time. Old friends are to be treasured. Crush confessions are so awkward when they're not reciprocal. I give advice (comes naturally as the eldest child) but it's not always welcome and I've had to learn to hold back. My online friends are those I've met through Tumblr, mostly around a shared love for Bad Buddy.

AESTHETICS

I have heard the ocean in a conch shell // I have watched the sun rise // I enjoy rainy days // I have slept under the stars // I meditate outside // the sound of chirping calms me // I enjoy the smell of the beach // I know what snow tastes like // I listen to music to fall asleep // I enjoy thunderstorms // I enjoy cloud watching // I have attended a bonfire // I pay close attention to colors // I find mystery in the ocean // I enjoy hiking on nature paths // autumn is my favorite season

Hasn't every child put a seashell to their ear? I did this so many times as a kid. Watched the sun rise at the seaside and in the mountains; most spectacular was at Gunung Bromo but marred by the sulfurous fumes biting the lungs. The quieter sounds of nature are generally calming so chirping counts. I love everything about the beach because we used to holiday there all the time in my childhood. Snow tastes of nothing; I remember sticking my tongue out to catch snowflakes in Iceland. A good thunderstorm is the perfect setting for a hot coffee, pastry and a good book by the window. There was always a bonfire at teen gatherings. I'm very visually-oriented and can't help noticing colors, but have learnt to focus the attention beam and not get distracted so sometimes I ignore them. Love everything about the sea and ocean, including their unknowns. Enjoy hikes and have done country/forest walks in different places but nothing too strenuous please, and I think the comfort meal after the walk is even better. What's not to love about autumn? The colors are gorgeous, lots of late summer fruit are amazing (mirabelle plums my favorite) and the whiff of smoke in the cooler evening air is so evocative of coziness.

MISCELLANEOUS

I can fall asleep in a moving vehicle // I am the mom friend // I live by a certain quote // I like the smell of sharpies // I am involved in extracurricular activities // I enjoy Mexican food // I can drive a stick shift // I believe in true love // I make up scenarios to fall asleep // I sing in the shower // I wish I lived in a video game // I have a canopy above my bed // I am multiracial // I am a redhead // I own at least 3 dogs

Memories of falling asleep on long bus rides to faraway destinations. Quote I live by: no regrets (it's pointless to stress out about a past you can't change; just learn from it and move forward). Mexican cuisine is not my all-time favorite but I like anything with chilli, so there are always dishes to enjoy, especially if there's cheese and avocado. I learnt to drive on a stick shift so that's not an issue but hardly drive nowadays (don't own a car and don't need one). I believe in true love, because I've found mine. I sing in the shower (and in the kitchen, in the living-room, everywhere I can at home).

Tagging (and I'm not gonna stop at 10):

@crzshaly437 @dimplesandfierceeyes @dudeyuri @ranchthoughts @teaofdesaster @miscellar @dribs-and-drabbles @recentadultburnout @bengiyo @waitmyturtles @twig-tea @airenyah @lurkingshan @22grt23 @faillen @pandasmagorica @anotherlovr @orchdxtea @badinthelatin @rythyme @lurkingteapot @vegasandhishedgehog

Also anyone and everyone who reads this (forgive me if I didn't tag you personally, didn't mean to forget anyone). Do play along and remember to tag me so I can get to know you better too! But no pressure if you don't wish to play either. 💖

[drippingheart]

howdy, worms and germs. this is an indie rp blog dedicated to Getō Suguru and Fushiguro Megumi from Jujutsu Kaisen. my portrayal is both anime and manga based. manga events will not be spoiled.

! ! ! themes present but are not limited to: violence, gore, abandonment issues, childhood trauma, depression, mass murder, child soldiers. this is not to say all my threads and headcanons will be violent or solemn. I do enjoy the light hearted side of friendship and bonding, but the trauma of being a jujutsu sorcerer is very important in my portrayals.

also important : I do not condone Suguru's actions. this is fiction. I love delving into his psychology and motivation. I try to understand it to a point, but his actions and mentality are not a reflection of mine. I am pro villains; their accurate portrayals are interesting.

𝟎𝟎 details on megumi. 𝟎𝟎 details on suguru. 𝟎𝟏 promo. 𝟎𝟐 megumi visuals. 𝟎𝟐 suguru visuals. 𝟎𝟑 plotting call. 𝟎𝟒 memes. 𝟎𝟒 meme call. 𝟎𝟓 character study. 𝟎𝟔 alternate verses. 𝟎𝟕 introspection.

Rules are below the cut.

I’ll spare you anything long winded though these are definitely subject to change and certainly up for lengthening in the future!

—   𝟎𝟏   I run a mutuals only blog. If I follow you, I want to WRITE with you. I don’t collect followers and like to keep a tidy blog of people who interact with me. Since you’re reading this, that means you care enough to do so. I won’t bite your head off; please feel free to send memes or hit me up for a thread idea. I often clean up my follow list through soft blocks.

—  𝟎𝟐   I don’t write one liners or semis. The more you write, the more I’m inclined to reply rapidly. Quality and quantity fuel my motivation! I truly enjoy world building and scene progression, so novella length threads are sought. Plotting and winging things are equally enjoyed, however for lengthy and detailed threads ( esp crossovers ), plotting is preferred. I have a plotting call linked above.

—   𝟎𝟑  This is an 18+ blog as I am nearing my thirties. I don’t foresee posting NSFW images, but I write heavily graphic scenes thus don’t feel comfortable writing with minors. Any suggestive aesthetics or sinday memes will be tagged as " after dark .".  I know it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t want to make any of my followers uncomfortable. More regarding potential smut is below.

—  𝟎𝟒  I don’t have any triggers and don’t tag any triggers. Threads are generally rated M, but I can go PG-13 depending on who I am writing with. I do not shy away from violent and graphic scenes fyi; I really enjoy writing them actually! I encourage you to message me if you would like to write out something extremely graphic. Violence aside, smut may make an appearance. It is not the goal of my writing. If there's chemistry in the thread and between the writers, well ... who am I to say no. In the case of potential smut, aging up characters is fine; I know some people are sensitive about this. Smut will only occur with male characters as I am gay in real life and choose to depict Suguru and Megumi as gay, albeit not openly.

—   𝟎𝟓  When it comes to ages, I think it's vital to keep character ages canon. Yeah, JJk is great with all the lore and action, but the ages of the characters and the soul crushing and life threatening lives they live is the heart of the series. What everyone goes through as a child and as a teenager is incredibly vital. The only time I think aging up is alright is in terms of smut. Having said that, I'm not opposed to writing crushes or romances during their teens. 

—  𝟎𝟔  I do moderate edits and formatting. Formatting isn’t a deal breaker with me honestly. I prefer length over pretty aesthetics. I do ask that you cut posts; I won’t be following if you don’t cut your posts or fail to tag your posts — all of your posts especially your ooc and negativity posts.

—  𝟎𝟕 Crossovers are loooooved to other animes/mangas, video games, to shows and movies. Do not be afraid to reach out with crossover ideas. I am also very much interested in AU threads especially involving Suguru since there is a lot of potential with him. So far, I have FFVII verses written up for both of the dudes. Provided interest, I will write up verses for Bleach, Castlevania, and the Witcher among other things. 

—  𝟎𝟖   As stated earlier, currently I am all caught up with the manga. For those who are only watching the anime, I will not incorporate any manga elements in our threads. I do not openly discuss spoilers for the sake of other people. If I do discuss anything that may be considered a spoiler, it will be tagged as "jjk spoilers ." Headcanons and drabbles including the events of the manga will be tagged with the aforementioned tag.

—  𝟎𝟗   Regarding Suguru, it is my preference to write him just as Suguru not as Kenjaku, however I am not opposed to it for the sake of an interesting thread. On that similar note, I am happy to write Suguru as a teenager and Megumi as a little kid for any relevant threads.

—  𝟏𝟎   I encourage you to like the content you see. If you like the images, headcanons, songs I post, you are more than welcome to like them. Do not reblog my personal edits, headcanons, and even images I find and post ( still tag with art credit ) unless I have tagged you in the post. You are also welcome to tag me in posts; that would make me very happy! When it comes to memes, please reblog from the source. PLEASE.

—  𝟏𝟏   When it comes to asks/memes, I treat them as independent little snippets. Sort of like insights with some or no background information. Sometimes I write them intentionally vague because it's what comes to me at the moment. I do not treat ask responses as starters, however you are more than welcome to continue a response of mine if you like it enough! Also, I have an ask box call linked above, and you are always welcome to like and comment it whenever you want to be sent things. Seriously. You'll never pester me. You can like request ask box things 24/7.

—  𝟏𝟐   IMPORTANT — I am a firm supporter of people being able to write whatever the fuck they want. This is all fiction; people tend to forget that. I will never judge someone nor post anything to harm/bash someone for their choices. Let people write what they want just as famous writers do. There's really no difference except famous writers get paid to do so. This is a creative journey, bruh.

[eagleyedz]

think you worked me out, but you're wrong!

introducing griselda renee scott

nickname(s): zelda, z, griz

gender + pronouns: cis woman + she/her

sexual orientation: pansexual

dob + age: 20 february 2003 + twenty - seven

birthplace: somewhere in manitoba, canada

known family: mother, older half - sister (beverly), younger brother (gideon)

zodiac big three: pisces sun, sagittarius moon, gemini rising

character alignment: chaotic neutral

traits: plucky, erratic, finicky, loquacious, blunt, theatrical, a lil madcap, affable, waggish, reticent

anthem: detonate by charli xcx (hurt me, know you wont hurt me / i'm about to detonate / pull you close and then, i'll be gone)

label: the fool. refers to the tarot card! both upright and reversed meanings apply to griz. that is spontaneity & leaps of faith and chaos & poor judgement, respectively

aesthetic: cherry red heart - shaped sunglasses, unhinged laughter, a bone crushing hug, dark corners and sharp objects, a quiet prayer mouthed against a stranger's neck, a cheshire cat grin, and dreams you jolt awake from

influence(s): harley quinn (birds of prey), malia tate (teen wolf), love quinn (you), misty quigley (yellowjackets), rapunzel (tangled), izzy (total drama island (don't judge me)), jj maybank (outer banks)

occupation + role: bartender at olive branch + active assassin for the red eye

timeline

2003 - 2030

[ 20 FEB. 2003 ] : zelda's born!

[ 2004 ] : her younger brother, gideon, is born.

[ 2009 ] : her older sister / maternal figure, beverly, leaves and goes no contact with her family.

[ 2011 ] : her mother leaves zelda & gideon at an orphanage.

[ LATE 2015 ] : zelda & gideon are taken by the red eye and begin training.

[ 2022 ] : zelda completes her training!

[ 2022 - PRESENT ] : zelda works as an active assassin for the red eye.

background

tw mentions of abuse, alcoholism, brainwashing, & violence.

zelda's bio family is kind of a shit show. she's the middle scott child, sandwiched between her older half-sister beverly (her senior by ten years) & her younger brother gideon (only a year younger than her). her mother was an alcoholic who searched for love among men who could never give it to her & z learned very quickly that she wasn't a reliable person. she & gideon found that maternal love in their older sister instead! it takes quite the toll on beverly - taking care of her two younger siblings. gideon's easy, real bright too, and quiet. zelda, however, has always been a force. the poorly behaved kid in class, the one who could never quite comprehend the lesson, the kid who gets moved for talking too much to her friend, only to talk even more to whatever new kid she's sat next to. she required an attention beverly couldn't readily give.

that much became apparent when zelda's six and beverly sets off and goes no contact. in beverly's absence, things get from bad to worse. zelda's eight when her mom turns her & gideon to an orphanage on the outskirts of manitoba, canada. she promises she'll come back for them in due time, but beverly taught zelda that that was unlikely. from there, she takes the role of protector rather fast. her & gideon become very close! gideon's a more subdued spirit & any kid who dared to even look at him the wrong way earned themselves a broken nose by her hands.

she's twelve when she & gideon are taken from the orphanage to train under the red eye. obviously she's quite averse to the whole ordeal at first but the brainwashing treatments work almost too well on her. following them, she has a lot of fake memories of her childhood, mainly where her mother & beverly's roles are switched. zelda remembers beverly to be the neglectful and abusive one, just as much as her mother was - if not, more. she specifically remembers just how much it hurt when beverly left.

it turns out that zelda EXCELSSS with a weapon. she relishes in the feeling of being naturally good at something, a feeling that's foreign to her until her time under the red eye. this, along with the discrepancies in her memories drives a wedge between her & gideon. he remains averse to the red eye's efforts well into his teenage years. zelda grows resentful of this, especially when his attempts to sway her are relentless. she couldn't believe how desperate he was to leave, how he yearned to go back to beverly & their life from before. to zelda, it seemed he was a little jealous now that she was the one who stood out. so she turns on him, puts all of her effort into her training, & finishes a year earlier than expected. she receives her first assignment (of many to come) at twenty.

since then, she's been at work as an assassin for a solid seven years & she's damn good at it. i imagine she's been in new york for maybe a year - ish? (+ her bartending job) but that's subject to change.

personality + extra

plucky, theatrical, waggish, loquacious, erratic, blunt

plucky. craves adventure and novelty. incredibly brave, almost to a concerning degree. that is, she tends to get herself into a lot of sticky situations because of a chronic overconfidence in herself. but then she gets herself out of it and that only adds to said confidence, so it's like a fucked up cycle. a lot of it comes from her blind optimism. she's relentless when she wants something and failure is simply not an option &lt;3

theatrical. everything about zelda and her mannerisms are big and dramatic for no reason. she talks with her hands, has a voice and a laugh that carries throughout a room, etc etc.

waggish. very witty, sarcastic. loves a good bit. can see the humor in every situation, but it gets to be a problem because sometimes she fails to see the gravity in approaching a situation with some semblance of seriousness.

loquacious. very sociable n flirtyyyyy! she can approach just about anyone and make friends with them. she knows how to turn on the charm, but to the right eye it probably comes off as very ? salesmen - esque. she's nice but mainly for her own gain.

erratic. she doesn't even know what the word 'pragmatic' means. realism? she is not familiar with them!!! she is fun but a lot to handle, and incredibly unpredictable. can come off as a little unhinged because well, she is.

blunt. has absolutely no filter. will tell you like it is. she's only reticent when it comes to her own feelings and spilling them for someone else to observe and prod at; she has a big problem letting people in.

i think i have painted her to be a certain way but make no mistake!! while she can be a little ditzy, she is very devoted to the work she does for the red eye & actively does all that she can to bolster her name under the organization. it's the only facet of her life where she's no-nonsense. she is every bit as vicious and violent as she is giddy and sweet.

wanted connections

here's a link to my wanted plots tag!

i'm actually braindead after writing all of this but give me: red eye buddies (for lack of a better term JDKMSMKS), ex romantic connections, enemies / people she's rubbed the wrong way, maybe someone she knows from childhood, friends, regulars at her bartending job, coworkers at her bartending job, pseduo-sibling friends, maternal figure, ummmmmm i'll take anything you throw at me tbh so pls &lt;;3

[artiists]

𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐍𝐆 … 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓁𝑒 𝑜𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝑒𝓉𝓉𝑒 .

CAMILLE OLIVIETTE the TWENTY SEVEN year old is known as THE ARTIST within the group. they are known to be DAUNTLESS and INTRACTABLE which makes sense when you think about how SHE HAS NEARLY FILLED A SKETCHBOOK WITH DRAWINGS OF HER CRUSH but i guess we’ll find out for ourselves.

FULL NAME : camille evangeline oliviette . LABEL : the artist . AGE : twenty seven . DOB : november nineteenth . STATUS : single . SEXUALITY : bisexual . POSITIVES : altruistic incisive magnanimous steadfast . NEGATIVES : brazen mutinous dupable . AESTHETICS : splashes of paint on a gorgeous white summer dress, glitter highlighter akin to a mirrorball, elegant penmanship in glitter gel pens, the compelling tendency to overshare, daisy chains in the height of summer, the dynamic duo of a sketchpad and takeout coffee, a sweet voice framed by fierce lipliner, the unwavering loyalty of a girls' girl, a denim satchel donned with pins from all over the world, always dotting your letters with hearts .

there was no shortage of love in the oliviette household when camille was growing up. her moms were childhood sweethearts, first loves who stayed together through the complexities of life in the 7O's and 8O's as gay women. it took three rounds of ivf for the pregnancy to carry to term, and she's been doted on ever since .

growing up, there was color everywhere. in her heart and family, metaphorically, but her home never fell victim to the formal black and white furnishings that some of her friends' homes seemed to have. vibrant fluffy rugs and home-painted masterpieces donned the walls, with patterned wallpaper and decor that rotated with the seasons. her genetic mother came from a line of painters who had submitted their work to galleries all across the united states - some even sharing their talent with the world. her other mom came from a creative family who seemed to have creativity sprinkled throughout the family lineage ( see : she's cousins to the director ) .

school was always hard. the academics just weren't for her - not because she wasn't intelligent. camille could be analytical with her reading and crunch her numbers, she could recite her history and point out most countries on a globe by the time she was sixteen. three languages donned her tongue, crafted from travels around the world with her family and an adoration for foreign films and music. she just couldn't sit still for long enough to take a test.

it felt more like a social hub to her, pulled in to this group of friends unexpectedly and suddenly there was a place in her heart for each one of them as she watched them grow and make terrible decisions and craft their teen lives together. there's no one in the group who hasn't at some point become the subject of fascination for a period of time. except ace who she thinks is ugly <3

you'd find her painting on a beautiful summers day, or tracing a quick portrait of one of her friends when she thought the sun was catching them just right, or their expression was too intriguing to let go. she's got hundreds of used canvas' and books in storage back at her home. the creativity extends to poetry, with doodled verses often surrounding the picture she's drawn .

a weekend of fun with her friends sounded like a good time, mostly because her heart ached for reconnection for friends she'd drifted from along the way. honestly, she thought it sucked that it was only going to be a few days ...

𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒

all of them any gender : someone who has been a constant muse for her, best friend, people she has travelled with, fellow creatives, ex partners, a bad influence, someone who doesn't trust her bc she's too nice, ex friends, hook ups, friends with benefits ( she'd def get too attached we can make it fun lol ), sibling like friendships, first love, fellow dreamers, someone from michigan who looks after her pet bunny while she's on trips for work .

[love-bokumono-fics]

Fresh Crops! January 1 - January 7, 2024

This week's newest stories and chapter updates for Harvest Moon and Story of Seasons on AO3!

The Harvest Moon - by HarmanSmith; Complete, 1/1, 2.4k

Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Fandoms: The Legend of Zelda, Harvest Moon 64 Relationship: Link/Malon; Characters: Link, Malon, Maria the Mayor's Daughter Summary: A visitor from the famous Lon Lon Ranch arrives in town. With beautiful red hair and a lovely voice to match, she secretly yearns for her knight on shining armor to sweep her off her feet.

Our Story of Seasons: Pete x Claire - by Ry2_Sinheart; WIP, 26/30, 39k

Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Categories: F/M, Gen Fandoms: Friends of Mineral Town Relationships: Claire the Farmer & Pete | Jack, Claire the Farmer/Pete | Jack; Characters: Pete | Jack, Claire, Thomas, Zack, Dog, Harvest Goddess, Ann the Innkeeper | Ran, Karen Additional Tags: Romance, Slow Burn, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Slice of Life, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Developing Relationship, Strangers to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Childhood Friends, Childhood Memories, Video Game Mechanics, Game Logic, Male-Female Friendship, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Relationships, Slow Romance, Digital Art Summary: A story that revolves around the protagonists of Mineral Town. After a series of unfortunate events, Pete and Claire agree they'll have to raise the farm together, whether they like it or not. Through their farming-ventures, they realize that maybe farming together… isn't so bad.

Here You Come Again - by SeasonSuite; WIP, 18/24, 73k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M Fandoms: Trio of Towns Relationships: Female Farmer/Wayne, Minor or Background Relationship(s); Characters: Farmer, Wayne, Frank, Lisette, Ford, Ludus, Trio of Towns ensemble Additional Tags: Crushes, Falling In Love, Love, farming, Fluff, dolly parton references, Friends to Lovers, cowboy aesthetic, idiots to lovers, Day At The Beach, Flowers, Romance, Bonding, Feelings, Humor, Slow Build, Did I Mention Fluff, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions Summary: On the first day of her new life, June meets a handsome, smooth-talking postman. Caught between his seemingly earnest words and his philandering reputation, she writes him off as bad news. Over the year, as June struggles to build her new farm, Wayne proves her wrong—then right—then wrong again. or, Westown's charming postman is known for being perfect, and he's usually happy to play the part. But when a new farmer tries to get to know the real him, Wayne learns that to be loved, he has to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.

Remaster: Yuki - by darkryuu; WIP, 1/15, 5.7k

Rating: Explicit; Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings; Category: F/M Fandom: HM DS Cute Relationship: Pony | Aya | Jill/Skye | Steiner; Characters: Pony | Aya | Jill, Skye | Steiner Summary: Sequel to Remaster: Step Toward the Future: Kaede ("Pony"/Jill) is caught in a situation where she may be the only hope of peace and freedom for a certain Prince of the Stars.

Late Date - by SymphonicFantasia; Complete, 1/1, 3.9k

Rating: General Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/M Fandoms: Hero of Leaf Valley, Save the Homeland, Magical Melody Relationship: Dia/Kurt | Hayato; Characters: Kurt, Dia Summary: It had taken her forever to ask Kurt to join her for the Starry Night Festival. She wasn't a very courageous person when she needed it—but with help from Gina and Martha, Dia finally did it. With her date set in stone, what could go wrong? An unfortunate thing, that's what.

Opposites Attract - by SymphonicFantasia; Complete, 1/1, <1k

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences; Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply; Category: F/F Fandoms: Hero of Leaf Valley Relationships: Alice/Gwen; Characters: Alice, Gwen Additional Tags: Enemies to Lovers, Established Relationship, Dating, Date Night, Lesbians, Drabble, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Cute Ending, Cute, Fantasizing, Daydreaming Summary: She tried to tear the valley apart. She tried to stop her plans. When she won and the valley was saved, she thought she would never have to see her again. She was wrong, though. And the more she saw her, the more they talked and opened up to one another, the more they fell in love.

[thekatebridgerton]

Polin 146 aesthetics project, Prompt #30 this one was picked by @melissuhsstuff

childhood marriage promise

"But what if I'm not always charming Colin Pen? What if I get old and grumpy and nobody loves me when I'm gross and thirty" teenage Colin complained to little Penelope after coming back from Mr Cowper's funeral "I could end up dead and miserable like Cressida's dad"

"That won't happen, you're the best boy I know, ever, in the world" little Penelope laughed "but I promise if nobody loves you when you're gross and thirty, I'll marry you"

"Really Pen? You'll marry me even if I'm sad and old?" He said giving her a ring pop he had in his pocket

"Of course I will silly" Penelope giggled kissing the teen on the cheek accepting the candy

It was then that Colin noticed that Benedict was filming with his stupid camera and got angry "Hey Ben stop doing that"

"Oh no! This is blackmail you'll have to catch me first"

-Record end

Successful British columnist Penelope Featherington never thought that an old home video would come back to haunt her so badly just as she's ready to give up on her crush on Colin Bridgerton for good.

He's had commitment phobia all his life for Pete's sake! Got engaged to her cousin, got disengaged from her cousin, then to some girl in Ibiza and then again to another one in Istanbul. All while spending the rest of his 20s running away from responsibility.

Yes they're friends and she has loved him all her life but enough is enough. After hearing him make fun of the silly idea that would be him dating her. Penelope is finally ready to give up her useless crush on him and focus on her career and starting a family of her own by adopting a child. She doesn't even need a man. She can date as many people as she wants and still have fun on her own.

Only thing is that Colin isn't happy about that.

And then just when he's managed to piss her off with too many jealous fits with her dates that make her want to strangle him.. Colin turns 30 and decides that the home video of hell is proof that she's got to marry him now.

Ugh talk about someone who could get away with murder if he tried hard enough. With that puppy face and devilish grin.

Penelope feels quite tricked into the wedding of her dreams really. Colin Bridgerton shouldn't be allowed to be charming when she's angry at him. He's making her believe that he really loves her. And Penelope can't tell what's real and what's not when Colin is working his hardest to cash in on a stupid promise she made when she still believed in Santa Claus

But maybe it's Colin the one who's always been afraid of a lifetime without her.

#someoneplz #writethis

[the-rewatch-rewind]

Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn make their first appearances!

Script below the break

Hello and welcome back to the Rewatch Rewind, the podcast where I count down my top 40 most rewatched movies. My name is Jane and today I will be talking about number 33 on my list: Columbia Pictures’ 1938 romantic comedy Holiday, directed by George Cukor, written by Donald Ogden Stewart and Sidney Buchman adapted from the play by Philip Barry, and starring Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn.

Johnny Case (Cary Grant) has just returned home to New York City from a trip to Lake Placid where he met, fell in love with, and got engaged to Julia Seton (Doris Nolan). When he shows up at the address she gave him, he is surprised to find that it’s a giant mansion, and that she lives there with her family, whom she previously neglected to mention is extremely wealthy. Both her lively sister Linda (Katharine Hepburn) and her depressed alcoholic brother Ned (Lew Ayers) immediately approve of Johnny. Her father, banker Edward Seton (Henry Kolker), is initially shocked that his daughter is engaged to someone he’s never heard of, but he is ultimately won over by Johnny’s impressive work history. However, when Johnny reveals his plans to quit working for a while to seek the meaning of life, both Edward and Julia are appalled, while Linda enthusiastically approves, and it becomes apparent that Johnny is engaged to the wrong sister.

There are many things I love about this movie, but the main reason it’s on this list is because of who stars in it. If you’ve listened to the Mary Poppins episode, you may recall me saying that Julie Andrews is one of four actors to appear in at least four of my top 40 movies. Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn are two of the others. Katharine Hepburn will be making a total of five appearances, and Cary Grant will be making ten, so if you really hate him, you’re probably not going to like much of the rest of this podcast. I don’t exactly remember why or how he became my number one fave, and it’s kind of a chicken-or-egg situation – do I love so many of his films because he’s in them, or do I love him because he’s in so many of my favorite films? I have no idea, and at this point it doesn’t really matter. I just know that I love watching him on screen, somehow both suave and goofy simultaneously, and listening to that unique voice that truly mastered the fake transatlantic accent like none other. And I also know that he was a very convenient explanation for why I had no interest in dating anyone in my teens or 20s. “There just aren’t any men out there like Cary Grant,” I’d lament, which was true, but the implication that I wanted there to be was misleading, though even I didn’t understand that for a very long time. There were a few other Old Hollywood actors I would sometimes also claim to find attractive, using the same excuse that nobody in real life was like them. I was aware that it was weird to only have “crushes” on movie stars who were old enough to be my great-grandparents, but that still felt less weird than admitting the truth – I didn’t understand what a crush was and I was too scared to ask, since everyone else seemed to instinctively know. It wasn’t until I was around 30 that I finally asked myself, if I met a Cary Grant clone who was my age, with his exact appearance and mannerisms and voice, without his traumatic childhood, would I want to date him? Or sleep with him? And I had to admit that the answer was no. What I feel for Cary Grant is appreciation for his work, and perhaps some aesthetic attraction, but nothing romantic or sexual. He’s still my number one fave, and I still celebrate his birthday every year with a multi-day marathon of his work, which explains why so many of his movies made it into my top 40. Since Katharine Hepburn is another actor whose birthday I celebrate every year (although not quite as enthusiastically), and Holiday is also a perfect New Year’s Eve movie, I have many occasions to revisit this one. I can’t remember if I’d seen it before I started keeping track, but I watched it once in 2003, once in 2006, once in 2008, once in 2009, once in 2011, twice in 2012, once in 2014, once in 2016, twice in 2018, twice in 2019, and once in each year since.

One viewing in particular stands out to me. It was January of 2012. I was in college and I had a lot of intense family stuff going on, and then a snowstorm hit on a Tuesday night, which happened to be the night before Cary Grant’s birthday. Classes ended up getting cancelled for the rest of the week, and I used that time almost exclusively to consume Cary Grant movies. On his actual birthday, I managed to convince some friends to watch one with me, so I went to one of their dorm rooms and we ended up watching Holiday. I want to say that overall it was a good time and most of them really enjoyed it, but I honestly don’t remember for sure. What I do remember is that there was one person in that group of friends who didn’t want to join us, declaring that she refused to watch any movie made before 1990, but then kept coming into the room after we started the movie to make comments like, “Ugh, I can’t believe you’re watching this!” “Ew, it’s in black and white!” and such. I should have just let it go – after all, it was her loss to miss out on great movies due to some arbitrary date cutoff – but I got very upset about it. The disrespect! On Cary Grant’s birthday of all days! I didn’t really know that person very well, and we haven’t kept in touch, but I hope she has forgiven and long forgotten any angry comments I may have directed toward her that day.

To a certain extent, I understand her attitude. Old movies portray outdated ideas and ways of living that can feel strange and even offensive to watch. But they also tell us a lot about the history of our society. Holiday in particular still feels extremely relevant. It’s set during the Great Depression, a time when there were a few very rich people and many very poor people, which sounds a lot like today. It’s about a wealthy family with one child who takes their privilege for granted, one child who is dissatisfied and abuses substances to cope, and one child who actively tries to rebel against the idea that money makes their family inherently superior. And when the entitled head of the family and the child who is most like him hear about a working-class person who has saved up enough money to spend some time enjoying himself instead of working, they scoff at that idea. Doesn’t that sound like it could take place right now?

Modern audiences might find the lack of action in this movie a bit tedious – it’s very apparent that it was based on a play, as it’s dialogue-heavy and almost the entire movie takes place in a few areas of the Seton house. But the wittiness of the lines and the punch of their delivery more than make up for the lack of action, at least in my opinion. I do wish the movie started a little earlier in the story, so that we got to see Johnny and Julia at Lake Placid. Apparently scenes were actually filmed for this, but George Cukor, the director, didn’t like the footage and decided to cut it all. Julia just seems so completely wrong for Johnny in every way that I really want to see how she behaved when they first met to convince him otherwise. From the very first scene when Johnny goes to their house, it is clear that Julia neither shares nor appreciates Johnny’s sense of humor, while Linda is swapping jokes with him as soon as they meet. I don’t necessarily think that means Johnny and Linda need to get together (although of course they will, because it’s a rom com and they’re the stars), but I do feel like it demonstrates that Johnny and Julia would not have had a functional marriage. I’ve never been able to understand what he saw in her, although a possible explanation is vaguely addressed by her brother Ned’s perceptive line, spoken to their sister Linda: “You know, most people, including Johnny and yourself, make a big mistake about Julia. They're taken in by her looks. At bottom, she's a very dull girl and the life she pictures for herself is the life she belongs in.” In other words, Johnny saw a beautiful woman and imposed his ideals onto her. When he finally learns that the woman he’s attracted to – and believes he’s in love with – neither shares nor supports his point of view on life, he has to decide how much of himself he’s willing to compromise.

It would have been so easy to let this story deteriorate into a two-sisters-fighting-over-the-same-man love triangle scenario, but it doesn’t. Linda has no desire to interfere with Johnny and Julia’s relationship, even when she is finally able to admit to herself and Ned that she’s fallen for Johnny. Linda actively tries to repair the rift that forms between Johnny and Julia when they discover they have different values. It’s only after Julia tells her that she doesn’t care about Johnny and is relieved that he’s decided to leave on his holiday without her that Linda decides to go with him. As Ned observed, Linda, like Johnny, has always imposed her own values on Julia, so it takes her just as long as it takes Johnny to realize that he and Julia are completely unsuited for each other. And I love the way that’s portrayed. Too often, sacrificing other relationships for the sake of romantic love is glorified. But Linda is willing to sacrifice romance when she thinks pursuing it would hurt her sister, which I appreciate. There is a part of me that would like to see a version where Linda and Johnny realize that their love is actually platonic and decide to go on an adventure as friends – and who knows? That could happen. The movie ends with them kissing, but afterwards they might decide they don’t feel those kind of feelings for each other and it was just amatonormativity convincing them they did. But that feels like a major stretch. It does seem clear that if they do get married, theirs would not be a particularly conventional marriage, especially for the time, so they’re definitely still rebelling against some societal norms.

That’s really what this movie is about: questioning the things that society tells you should be important. American capitalist society says pile up as much money as you can, and if it’s not much, you’re doing something wrong. Johnny Case says, “Wait a minute. That can’t be all there is” and decides to find different goals for himself. But the movie also portrays how difficult it is to break away from the norms. Ned desperately wants to get away, but his father has a very tight hold on him and won’t let him out of the banking business that Ned despises, so he drinks excessively because he sees no other way out. Linda finds it a little easier to question and rebel against things, but is rarely taken seriously by her father and sister, who patronizingly dismiss her ideas as silly little trifles and assume that she, along with everyone else who is being “difficult” in their eyes, will come around eventually. We get the impression that this is a frequent source of tension in the household, but the main example in the movie is when Linda desperately wants to throw a fun, intimate little New Year’s Eve party to celebrate Johnny and Julia’s engagement, but Mr. Seton insists on throwing an enormous fancy gala instead. Linda protests by staying in the small playroom, where she is joined by Ned along with Johnny’s friends, Nick and Susan Potter, played by the wonderful character actors Edward Everett Horton and Jean Dixon, who feel incredibly out of place at the main party. It’s a delightful scene that contrasts the coziness and warmth of the playroom with the stiffness and formality of the rest of the house. At this point, Johnny has started to conform to the “proper” life Julia wants for him, and he initially enters the playroom to convince Linda to be reasonable and join the big party to keep from embarrassing the family. But he soon realizes that the smaller party is much more his style. And it’s soon after that when he learns that an important deal has come through which has made him enough money to quit his job (why an important business deal would be going through at 11:45 pm on New Year’s Eve has never made sense to me, but oh well), and that’s when he tells Julia and Mr. Seton about his holiday plans and they flip out because he’s challenging the status quo. Eventually, after taking some time to clear his head, Johnny tells them he’s willing to compromise and try the life Julia wants, agreeing to work for Mr. Seton’s company for a year or so and then go on holiday if he still wants to. Julia and Mr. Seton are delighted, making it clear that they believe that once he starts this life, he’ll change his mind completely and give up on what they view as his foolish fancy. But traveling to find the meaning of life is even more important to Johnny than the party was to Linda, and he decides he can’t compromise. He has to live his life the way he chooses, even if most people think it’s foolish. And that message still feels incredibly profound and necessary today.

I think that’s the main reason this movie has resonated with me so much. As someone who has always felt like the things I find important are often dismissed as trivial by mainstream society, while the things mainstream society deems important have never made much sense to me, it feels incredibly validating and encouraging for a Cary Grant character to confidently declare that he doesn’t want the life he’s “supposed” to want, and ultimately decide not to back down even when people he cares about just as confidently scoff and tell him he’s wrong. Not that I would ever have the courage or self-assurance to just drop everything and leave on a trip with no plan other than “find the meaning of life” – that sounds terrifying. But when you’re aroace – and I imagine this is similar for other queer identities as well – you’re constantly bombarded with the message that the “correct” life path is something that doesn’t feel right, and that the life you do want is not only incorrect, but shameful. Of course, a movie made in 1938 would never have dreamed of addressing LGBTQIA+ issues directly, but somehow, even with its straight romances, Holiday almost feels queer. That might be taking things too far, but the film is certainly about living as your true and authentic self and not letting anyone convince you to be someone you’re not for the sake of “respectability,” which feels like basically the same thing as saying “queer rights,” at least to me.

Much as I love the message of the story, I do want to emphasize that ultimately this is a comedy, and a big part of its appeal is just getting to see Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn being silly together. The way their characters meet and instantly establish an easy rapport feels so natural and authentic. Whether they’re disagreeing about the difference between goat and sheep noises, trying to invent a fancy pedigree for Johnny, or actually being real with each other, they are such a delight to watch. Nick and Susan Potter are also very fun characters, and their friendship with Johnny – and later Linda – is beautifully portrayed. I would love to see a sequel of the four of them traveling the world together. However, that was not to be, partly because despite receiving critical acclaim, this movie was a box office failure. It’s been speculated that perhaps Great Depression audiences who would have done anything to find jobs did not sympathize with Johnny’s plans to quit his. At the time, Katharine Hepburn was deemed “box office poison” because audiences thought she was past her prime, so that didn’t help either. After this movie, Hepburn left Hollywood for Broadway, where she starred in a new play that Philip Barry – who also wrote the play this movie was based on – had written specifically for her, which she then took back to Hollywood and used to turn her career around…but more on that in a future episode.

A few more fun facts about Holiday that I need to share: in the original Broadway production of the play, Katharine Hepburn understudied the role of Linda, and she performed a scene from the play in her first screen test, which led to her first film. The role of Nick Potter was originally played on Broadway by Donald Ogden Stewart, who co-wrote this screenplay, and then was played by Edward Everett Horton in both a 1930 film adaptation and this 1938 remake. This was the final feature film appearance of Jean Dixon, who played Susan Potter, although she continued to act on stage and television, and she will be making another appearance on this podcast for an earlier film. And finally, this movie provided Cary Grant an opportunity to show off the tumbling skills he learned while touring with an acrobatic troupe as a teenager, as Johnny likes to use acrobatics to calm himself when he’s nervous. It kind of looks to me like at one point they may have used a stunt double, but for most of the flips you can clearly see his face, and I think it's so cool that he was able to do at least most of his own stunts. What a performer.

Thank you for listening to me chat about another of my most-rewatched movies. Be sure to subscribe or follow for more, and leave a rating or review to let me know how you’re enjoying this project. Next week I will be joined by another guest, and as always, I will leave you with a quote from the movie we’ll be discussing then: “Yeah, he was here, but he put an egg in his shoe and beat it.”

[planetofaesthetics]

Childhood & Teen Crushes (aka “Boys I Loved Before”) Aesthetic | Sebastian Michaelis

[fatedsims]

FATEDSIMS  presents   :   sebastian o’mackey .

from riverblossom hills, bash grew up with two moms, a dad, and a sister. the son of patricia wan, gabe and alexandra o'mackey ; the brother of jules o'mackey. he was childhood friends with alice shikibu - their moms, best friends since before they were born. growing up in such an eco-friendly family, bash spent the several stages of his life learning all of the ways that things could be better. but there was no saving the planet by the point that he was born, and at his teen birthday he left home just like everyone else, only seeing his family a few more times before the story begins .

NAME :   sebastian o’mackey . AESTHETIC :  with a mix of streetwear and rocker fashion, bash leans towards darker colors with an edgier aesthetic ( when given the choice ) . MBTI  :  estp ; the entrepreneur .   ALIGNMENT  :  chaotic good .  ENNEAGRAM  :  type nine ; the peacemaker . TEMPERMENT  :  sanguine . INSPIRATIONAL  QUOTE  :  there is some good in this world, and it’s worth fighting for .  (    j.r.r. tolkien  ,   the two towers .  )

CHARACTER  CONNECTIONS .  

ALICE :  bash has had a crush on alice ever since they were little kids, but he would never risk their friendship for something as uncertain as romance. more than a crush though, she is his rock in a storm ridden harbor, his safe space, his one tie to home as circumstance has dragged them farther and farther from what they once expected out of life. OLIVER :  bash makes it his personal job to cheer ollie up when he's down in the dumps, and he thinks that this says a lot about their friendship. oliver is the friend that he can go to when he really needs to vent - an excellent listener, a great friend, and bash tries to pay that back in kind whenever he has the chance. his methods may not always be the best, but he's trying. GEMMA : bash didn't know gemma very well before they made it to their designated area at bridgeport, but he knows for a fact that he wouldn't know what to do without her now. if alice is his rock, gemma is his right hand - the one who always knows the next step, the one who is always there to help him puzzle things through. her support is everything to him.

ᴛᴇᴍᴘʟᴀᴛᴇs ᴜsᴇᴅ ﹕ ｈｅｒｅ   ＆． ｈｅｒｅ ．

[psychewritesbs]

Talk about difficult asks :D

Your top 5 Clamp ships please?

Sorry noa. I was busy adulting and chatting with you about fandoms so it took me a while to answer your ask.

This was hard btw. Like... how am I supposed to list my faves in order?! Also, do I even have FIVE top CLAMP ships?!!!

Run-on-sentences and fangirling below the cut...

Edit: it’s kind of interesting that the ships follow a specific pattern. I wonder if you can pick up on it!

5. Toru and Saya x/1999

Based on one single panel.

Yes, I’m shallow. But I seriously love this panel so much. Not only is it aesthetically beautiful, it evokes a very beautiful and gentle feeling in me.

I do feel like this panel is just so telling of how much they loved each other. And it’s also both a sort of a... prelude so to speak? to Kamui and Fuuma’s own fated bond and the tragedy at the core of said bond.

Wait... it was mutual between Toru and Saya, right?

4. Arashi and Sorata from x/1999

Cannot not mention arasora from x.

Yes, Arashi on top because we all know Sorata would totally be into Arashi tying him up and being used and abused by her. This is a canon fact and no one can change my mind.

They have an interesting thing going because of Sorata's fate and I can see why Arashi would have been annoyed about it in the beginning. Like... how do you decide to die for someone you just met? Talk about unrealistic tbh.

And yet... Sorata is so set on it! 

The way I see them, I feel like with them the attraction was simply instantaneous. Something you can't deny sort of thing. 

Sorata might have recognized it first, hence why he decided on her (I like to think that it isn't JUST because she's physically beautiful since CLAMP is all about soulmate bonds).

As for Arashi, since Arashi is the only one who can decide for herself that she wants to live, I think Sorata mirrored back to her her own will to live. Aside from how perceptive he is, I also think that this joy for life that is inherent of Sorata’s personality (we played this game before but I think he could be a Sagittarius) is how she learned to love him deeply.

Also, it's an irony that Sorata would be perfectly fine with accepting he would one day die for the woman he loves, while the woman he loves learned to have an "appetite" for life because of him.

UGH... CLAMP... ffs.

I was having a perfectly normal evening... ok let's go deeper into this hole of despair.

3. Fuuma and Kamui from x/1999

Listen but why are all these ships so damn tragic?

I definitively have problems.

I wish they’d just get a room already...

Anyways. 

Really tragic, really heartbreaking feels come out of fcking nowhere because of these two. 

Idk how to explain how it, literally, offends me when I get the fuukam feels because they always come out of nowhere. 

Like... no warning, no nothing.

What I love about this pairing in particular is that there is so much love between them in a very platonic way. It is a delight to see them navigate their inner conflict in relation to their fate and that is what makes their fate all the more heartbreaking. 

Of course, I love the twin star motif because they are boud by inevitability to collapse into one another (this is so not scientific).

Of course the sexy scenes are a total delight to behold too. 

It’s just who they are. Literally, two horny teens carrying the weight of the fucking apocalypse on their shoulders as they try to bring the other to their senses. 

In the end, with them, I like to think we have a beautiful combination of really twisted eros and agape love.

Most beautiful of all is that Kamui would overlook Fuuma’s terrible haircut and love him unconditionally. If that isn’t true love, then I don’t know what is.

But while fuukam has an element of childhood friends to lovers that I absolutely adore...

I still have to say my next fave is one of my absolute favorite example of (childhood) friends to lovers.

2. Syaoran and Sakura from Cardcaptor Sakura and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle

Why are they so cute tho?!

Watching them navigate their crush in Cardcaptor Sakura is actually one of the main reasons I am a massive CLAMP stan as, in a way, they were the gateway drug to my CLAMP addiction.

Even though I am not necessarily a CCS fan, I remember watching every CCS movie I could find just so I could watch them be cute together. When I found out about TRC I was excited to see CLAMP explore a slightly more mature and more tragic version of this OTP.

With syaosaku, the way I see them, it’s about the innocence of first love and the recognition that there’s someone who shines different from all of the other people around you. Or in CLAMP’s words, that most special person that’s totally not what they call it but I can’t think of the proper term right now.

With syaosaku, it’s about enduring puppy love. You know... when everything is simple “because you have feels” for each other. It’s undeveloped and innocent platonic love that can mature into something far more beautiful and enduring despite the many complications that may arise as they are bound to do.

I also love that even their respective clones are bound to fall in love with each other and that they choose each other time and time again and that’s part of what keeps them stuck in a time loop. Talk about being stupidly fated.

They’re adorbs. 12/10 recommend.

1. Kurogane and Fai from Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle

I FUCKING LOVE THEM!

Ok like listen.

Where do I even start?

Or maybe...

Ok. Yes. Here.

It’s all in what is not ducking said between these two.

With them, it’s always about something that happened off camera.

Kurogane looking shocked and sad instead of his usual “stoic warrior” or “tsundere” self also if I’m using tsundere incorrectly please don’t mind me apparently I can't get with the based program it’s just not sticking because Fai is giving him the faker than fake fakiest smile he’s ever given him to hide how pissed off and hurt he is about Kurogane not asking for consent. 

But Kurogane is in so deep about how he feels about the blond magician twink blue-eyed pirate vampire and so... he’s not going to let him die even if it means he has to not ask for consent or... you know... cut off his arm.

And like...

Wow.

I’m totally digging Kurodaddy’s Capricorn energy. Very steadfast and driven, and very emotional.

I love Kurogane, he’s such a sexy daddy on all levels--his brains are my favorite of course.

And speaking of daddies and mommies...

Mommy is over there just doing his best to live, just to get through another day. He’s all smiles but Fai looks to me like he is trying really hard to be his usual genki self--the one that got stuck in that tower who knows how long ago. 

The genki self that existed before all of the pain and sorrow that Nanase baked into his character she’s a total sadist and I love her all the more for it. In that sense, Fai is like Sei in that the line is blurred between their real personalities and who they pretend to be.

But in comes kurodaddy into his life and sees right through Fai’s bullshit because #sexybrain. I like to think he fell in love with the real Fai, of whom he got to see glimpses of.

Because it’s about the soul, right? Not the face Fai puts on for the world. 

Anyways, so I love Fai’s character arc because it basically comes down to becoming who he was before the world broke his will to live. And Kurogane was a big part of Fai recovering that zest for life (he was drinking his blood ffs, how much more symbolical and metaphorical could CLAMP get with that?)

In the end, Fai couldn’t wait to be rescued to metaphorically leave the metaphorical tower behind, but rather, he had to rescue himself. 

Seriously, CLAMP got super “Grim’s Brothers fairy tale” with Fai. Still need to write about it too.

All Kurogane could do was to watch from the sidelines, give him his Kurodaddy encouragement “shape-up-and-figure-out-where-you-stand” talks, and to cut off more limbs in the meantime. 

So glad Fai figured out where he stands because trc could have ended with a limbless Kurogane because...

Which begs the very important question: 

But, is it really true love if he didn’t put an eye on it? HM!

ANYWAYS, Kurogane persisted through all of this with Fai because he saw the real Fai. 

I’ve 300% adored being able to see the friendship that is canonically depicted between them because you can tell they simply are good friends who care for each other’s well-being.

Ehem... that I think there’s more happening beneath the canonical surface is a different story.

In that way, kurofai feels so healing and so cathartic compared to seisub. 

It’s such a breath of fresh air to see them heal one another for me. It’s like seeing these two souls who chose each other.

Honorary mention: Karen and Aoki

Ok. I felt like they would be such a boring choice tbh. I don’t feel for them the way I feel about that Toru and Saya panel so that’s why they get an honorary mention, but ultimately, don’t even make the list.

I just needed them to take up space between the other No1. in this list because...

So vanilla. We don’t do vanilla around here.

We do homoerotic courtship battles between fated lovers around here.

1. Seishiro and Subaru from Tokyo Babylon and x/1999

Caption: WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE NORMAL FFS? (rhetorical question)

They are fatedest of fated. The kind of fated you do not want to be. 

But fated, nonetheless. 

Tanabata might sound romantic af but... it gets old if this is your reality and you’re just constantly pinning and longing melodramatically all the time.

YES I’M TALKING TO YOU SUBARU!!!!!!

They are basically two worst possible circumstances that oppose one another. Twin stars bound to one another by inevitability.

One who does not realize he feels emotions because he is desensitized from his emotional self, but is deeply emotional nontheless (about the weirdest shit too, god I love him).

And one who is deeply emotional, kind and empathetic to an unhealthy degree.

Its just them and their complete, absolute and incredibly irrational inability to meet in the middle. 

WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE NORMAL?! (rhetorical question)

It is truly heartbreaking that they only ever see “eye to eye” , true to their archetype of the fated lovers celebrated during tanabata, once in a lifetime. More on this in a bit...

And with them, you get this tiny glimpse of what could have been if the circumstances in their life had not been what they were. 

DON’T YOU DARE GASLIGHT ME SEISHIRO, I AM ONTO YOU!!!

God I love him so much I want to strangle him.

All of this said, I have to say I admire how CLAMP created a depiction of the tanabata myth that presents the reason for the relationship as not actualizing itself because of circumstances that made the situation toxic on steroids.

And that’s what makes it all the more heartbreaking to me--they were truly each other’s “special someone” but were bound by fate to never become an actualized version of themselves that could ground the relationship down to human levels.

Their “love story" remained as one written in the stars--tanabata. It never became human and never will because, unlike kurofai, Seishiro and Subaru are stuck in a level of object relations that dictates how they see each other in relation to themselves.

THEY ARE SO STUPID, WHY CAN’T THEY JUST BE NORMAL?!

That’s why kurofai takes spot 1 along with them. I like the idea of healing in relationship with someone else instead of knowingly activating a curse that you knew would kill you just so that you could prove him wrong and settle the bet once and for all about how much you really don’t love him even tho you totally know that you do but are still trying to deny that reality right until your last breath. 

DAMMIT SEISHIRO WHY ARE YOU SO WEIRD?!

I love him.

I’m obsessed.

Anyways. Subaru. Run!

I know I’ve complained about them the whole time but... I can’t deny the fact that seeing someone else at a soul level is an intense experience that I find very relatable. 

Like I said, they did share something.

Maybe I’m projecting but I think they shared some really, really deep middle ground and that there was some sort of ease and understanding they had with each other at a soulful level.

They just couldn’t bridge that soul bond and ground it in their human selves for a hundred million stupid many reasons.

Which is how you end up with the most twisted “romantic” gesture in all of history this statement has been verified by all fact checkers.

FFS these two are so sick and so twisted and I love them all the more for it because they just cannot help themselves when it comes to the other--and that inevitable and unexplainable attraction at the soul level is what this ship is made of.

Unrealized human potential.

Stupid. so stupid. I love them your honor.

AH! and as if by 必然, this shows up in my feed this morning:

kurofai = I want you to heal because I dig you

seisub = what’s the best possible way I can sabotage this because I dig you?

THANKS for asking

You know me too well. I needed this. 

[bloody-wonder]

Hi...... If you don't mind me asking, what are your top 10 favorite books ever (fiction)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks...

no i don’t think i have answered that before🤔 

thanks for asking! :D this is in loose most to least favorite order let's goooo

1. the lymond chronicles by dorothy dunnett. let’s get the enfant terrible out of the way. i love historical adventure stories and have a fictional crush on the mc of proportions embarrassing at my respectable old age. a gallant renaissance courtier, a cunning swashbuckler, a brilliant schemer, a queer icon, a tortured soul, a secret agent extraordinaire “whose tongue is as sharp as his rapier”, the Man, the Myth, the Legend - lymond has it all. if only i could condone the narrative tomfoolery of the last two installments, the lemon saga would’ve become my favorite series of all time. still gotta put it in the first spot bc rn i’m biased - i’m re-reading it with my bestie and hell’s own apollo is very much there, inside my mind💖

2. the secret history by donna tartt is the book that established dark academia - a lucrative subgenre of mediocre campus novels trying to imitate tsh written by authors who unfortunately don’t understand what makes it iconic. the secret special ingredient being some substance under the aesthetics and - how do i put it without sounding like a snob - literary value. this is not the main reason why i love it though, not the thing that made me binge it overnight several years ago which was how i found my way back into reading after uni drained me of any desire to do it - those were the characters. i think they’re fun and relatable in terms of qualities which i’m not necessarily proud of but which are nevertheless an integral part of my personality - such as, for example, being a snob.

3. all for the game by nora sakavic is probably the most unique book i have ever read - and that’s saying something bc i read over one hundred per year. do i dare to attempt to explain what it is about in a concise manner? no, i don’t think so. i’ll just say i love it bc it showed me what can be achieved if the author isn’t constrained by arbitrary rules of storytelling or social conventions or judgements of “good taste”, bc it inspired me to actively participate in an online fandom for the first time and to build a community of tumblr mutuals (which tbh was probably the only thing that helped me stay sane throughout 2020), bc it made so many memories and experiences click into place and made me realize i’m aroace and queer. i’m glad i discovered it at the right time in my life and i genuinely believe it’s in its rightful place next to the more “highbrow” books on this list.

4. harry potter. unlike many fans i read hp relatively late in my teens and so i don’t think i could say i’d grown up with it or that it had been an important part of my childhood. nevertheless when i read this series it captured my heart and soul and it never lost its charm on each subsequent re-read. now jkr is being rightfully condemned and the story itself viewed with increasing criticism, but still i can’t agree with people who claim it was never good in the first place. something is very special about hp, something contemporary authors apparently can’t recreate or another middle grade or ya fantasy would’ve overshadowed it by now. i used to think this special thing can’t be tainted by the discourse but to tell the truth now i’m not so certain anymore. maybe i’m just becoming more and more disillusioned with the idea of escaping from real life problems into magical fictional worlds... watch starkid’s a very potter musical on youtube if you haven’t already btw.

5. confusion by stefan zweig is a novella written in the 1920s and it follows a relationship between a young university student and his mysterious english professor who has a dark secret. this is probably (and unfortunately) the least famous book on this list and so i have made it my mission to recommend it to people as often as possible. zweig is a wonderful writer who focuses on deep dives into the characters’ psyche and interpersonal relationships that can’t be easily defined or put into boxes. i can’t really explain why this obscure short story is in my top 5 favorite books of all time without going into spoilers but i will say that i myself fully understood why it’s so important to me only after i realized i’m aroace. it doesn’t have any aroace characters - that would’ve been too galaxybrain for the time period - but the questions the protag grapples with in the story are in my opinion some quintessential aspec questions which i sadly haven’t seen explored in any aspec rep book i’ve read so far. 

6. eugene onegin by alexander pushkin. despite its immense fame and popularity in russia and all the lands it colonized, some western readers might not be familiar with this classic - i assume because it’s written in verse and so even the best translator wouldn’t be able to render this text in all its glory. i have re-read onegin countless times, far more often than any other book on this list, and each time it presented itself from a new angle: as a 12yo i thought it was a failed love story, as a 20yo i thought it was a failed friendship story and now, that i’m the same age as onegin at the end of the book, my conclusion is it’s about how some people just can’t be happy. how very byronic lol

7. a song of ice and fire by george rr martin. i used to believe this is the superior adult fantasy series bc of its complex and compelling characters - but that doesn’t seem right bc many authors offer good character work. what actually sets asoiaf apart imo is what i call “complex morality” - this is basically grey morality except as applied to the world instead of, as it commonly is, to the characters. a “morally grey character” is, especially today, a pretty uninspired narrative tool if they exist in a world where good and evil are real and absolute categories. despite the fact that many readers (but mostly, i think, the show viewers) have divided the asoiaf cast into the “good” ones, the “bad” ones and the “redeemable” ones (ugh), i believe martin succeeded in creating a world where each character will inevitably end up on the crossroads between a bad action and a worse one and their choice will be a juicy insight into the conditio humana. for some reason i like when the fiction i read for escapism reflects my cynical pessimist outlook🤷‍♂️  

8. the three musketeers by alexandre dumas. the og historical swashbuckling adventure story, the first book (series) i was ever obsessed with. can’t say much about this one bc i read it when i was 12 and haven’t re-read it since, my love for it being kept alive throughout the years by the soviet tv adaptation. i really want to re-read it soon but also i’m nervous that it won’t live up to my childhood memories. still had to put it on the list bc in many aspects it was foundational to my tastes in media and fiction.

9. the talented mr ripley by patricia highsmith. before the secret history dethroned it by offering similar themes in a more attractive package, this used to be my favorite book. no one can write a queercoded sociopath like highsmith. i remember finishing the book, then starting it again immediately bc i was just fascinated by ripley’s mind, by how subtle the writing was and how it managed to convey a sense of constant anxiety and tension. i think tom ripley is an important figure in the fictional serial killer canon and deserves more attention from fans of guys like hannibal lecter and joe goldberg. hopefully the upcoming mini-series will do him justice - as in “faithfully depict and popularize his story”. real justice being done to him is the last thing ripley wants lol 

10. a little life by hanya yanagihara. a very important novel whose broad thematic range is overshadowed by the notoriety it gets in the online book community bc of its heavy subject matter. this book wants you to witness the darkest moments of one man’s life, follow him on this tragic journey and see how the society that means to help often ends up harming further bc it fails to acknowledge many uncomfortable truths about individual mental health. honestly i could spend hours talking about all the subversive and taboo topics this book explores and why it’s important and why it’s bad that we don’t engage with them more often, but if i had to pick one it would be the idea that some of us will only get a little life to enjoy and that is okay and our experience is still worth recounting and witnessing, it’s still valuable and liberating even if it doesn’t fit into the common understanding of “happiness” which anyway is nothing but a construct that can seem misleading and oppressive depending on one’s experiences. ngl i couldn’t in good conscience “recommend” this book to anyone, as in “suggest they read it”, but i think i personally will revisit it at different stages in my life bc i’m sure it will reveal new depths. and also bc, as you should’ve gathered from this list, i like pain😅😬

other books i consider my all time favorites that didn’t make the list: the hunchback of notre dame, wuthering heights, phantom by susan kay, perfume: the story of a murderer, gentlemen and players by joanne harris, howl’s moving castle, captive prince, the grandmaster of demonic cultivation (mo dao zu shi), the history boys, crime and punishment

[menalez]

Hey so I really wanted to know your thoughts on SAM (the split attraction model). Before I discovered what comphet was and read about it, I identified as bisexual or bi-ace . . . Only to realize now that I’ve only ever been sexually attracted to women and only women, and that I was only ever truly “asexual” toward men. Yet, I have also had crushes on boys in the past. Most if not all of my TV crushes were male, and some do my strongest infatuations in my preteen and teen years were boys. I found them aesthetically attractive and wanted to be near them, until they actually got near me and then not so much. I have a suspicion that I liked the attention and validation and also just liked their nice faces, but I remember my first crush had me begging God on my knees to make the boy marry me. Yet when there was opportunity to so much as kiss him I was appalled. I also wonder if the reason I liked fictional men more than women was because they were written better, and if I didn’t consider my deep, love for my female friends and consuming interest in them as romance because it didn’t feel the same and I was taught to disregard it as friendly—it didn’t feel fast or flighty, but deep and all-consuming, like I was being eaten alive from the inside. It was passion.

I don’t know, maybe I’m not used to seeing women as full people and hence found them less interesting as characters and sometimes even irl, kinda like black people (as an African I resented African stories and had no interest and felt no spark in seeing African characters. I realize I’m just not interested in caricatures.)

I don’t know. I’m very conflicted. I have a desire for attractive men, but never sexual, and not even romantic. Kinda like I want to take their faces in my hands and stare, or rub noses. Or touch their smiles. Mainly sensual, but romantic? Sexual? I don’t think so, no.

sorry for dumping this on you, answer at your own leisure and comfort

(but I am also waiting with bated breath because I have been spiraling for days now)

idk anon i really can’t say for sure and whatever i tell u may be false bc how ur currently processing and understanding ur feelings isnt necessarily objective and ultimately you’ll come to a clearer conclusion on ur own. but ive never had tv crushes on males or been attracted to actors or found male characters interesting or prayed to god for a specific guy to marry me (imagining myself married to a guy, as i knew was expected to me, made me deeply depressed and feel trapped but i didn’t know why), and i definitely don’t want to hold a man’s face and stare at it and touch noses (im ok w holding a close gay male friend’s face but i don’t think id want to look particularly long and def not put our faces so intimately close) sooo i don’t rly relate to the stuff you mentioned. honestly figuring out my sexuality was also quite difficult for me bc it required me to rly think back to as far back as my young childhood & that made me realise that from a young age it was clear that there was one group that i was innately attracted to but another group that i knew i should be attracted to & thus would interpret discomfort and anxiety as meaning i was attracted to them (despite ultimately having 0 interest in them). i hope u do figure it out sooner rather than later bc i know it can be distressing to be unsure and conflicted on ur sexuality n feelings 😭

as for SAM, im totally against it. our sexual libido isn’t our sexual orientation, it can vary over time or due to certain experiences or from medication etc. sexual orientation is sth else and romantic & sexual attraction r more or less the same things broken down into specific feelings and preferences. i never thought much about “sensual attraction” tho but i feel like if u aren’t attracted to men as in they don’t make u horny, ur not sexually interested in them, u don’t want to date them, u can find them aesthetically pleasing at most but that’s about it and u always felt this way then ur probably a lesbian. but the stuff u mentioned sounds like weak attraction to men so idk?