#chiyume rants

[chiyume]

I wanna draw my cranky boy Scara so bad but I can't decide how I want to do it. Should I do the angry boi? The sad boi? The "I don't care, you care, fuck apparently I do care" boi? Should I draw him sexy? Or innocent? Distant? Yearning for companionship?

He has so many different sides to him and I am droooownniiiiiing hlep me what should I doooooo?????

[xantissa]

omg people... what is a prompt?

Ok, I wondered if i should even post this but eventually I couldn’t help myself. I joined the Scary Bang, because I think I can churn out a short story (maybe) and maybe even can get @cleo4u2 to join me writing it if she has some time. But I digress. I went to see the prompts... and was terrified.

Doesn’t anybody know that a prompt even is? Why do people think authors have no ideas of their own? what are we, just hands to write while we are completely brainless? I mean I understand people have an iddea they want to see written,a  trope, maybe a scene. 

What is a prompt? This:

Bucky is a demon

Steve and Bucky have a soul contract

Bucky born to a family of witches

Bucky is secretly a Selkie

Bucky makes a deal with a demon 

Steve and Bucky the only survivors of apocalypse

As you can see, those prompts leave space for an author to build their own story around it. It’s why authors like to write fics for art, because an art shows a scene, a single moment and the author has freedom to reach that scene or build upon it as they like.

And what do I see when I join bangs? Goddamn summaries. I mean, why in seven hells would I ever be interested in a prompt that sounds like this:

Steve meets Bucky on the 17th of November in front of Bucky;s parent’s shop, both are dressed in green, they go to school together, they do this, this this, then they do that that that, then this this and this happens and then it ends like this and this. And oh! remeber not to include this and this and this and also that.

I can tell you 99/100 authors that look at a prompt like that will NOT want to write it. I mean, why would we? A prompt like that is somebody wanting a preferably brainless author to write them a story, exactly how they want it, when they want it and with all plot points already set. What it sounds like to me is that : Author’s input not required. I mean if I’m writing under those rules it’s nothing else but a commission and I want money for it because it’s nothing else than a job. A commission for free. 

So. this rant has a purpose. Authors love reading prompts. They really do. Because it’s not that we do not have ideas of our own. We usually have too many. We have dozens and dozens of WIP fics scattered on our hard drives, we have whole universes growing in our heads, we come up with new stories every time we close our eyes when going to sleep. What we do not have is time. It’s not the lack of ideas, it’s the inability to decide which idea should take form, which one should we devote to the precious time we have, which should be born into the world for other to enjoy. Reading prompts can and often does jolt us out of the panicked hoarding we usually engage in. Imagine a dragon that sits on top of a perfectly organised hoard of ideas. And then suddenly right in front of him there is another idea. It’s similar to what he has already, but it’s at the same time very different and there is this spark, that jolt that makes the dragon move. And that, dear readers is what you want.

For the dragon to move. For the prompt to inspire us.

What do you think, fellow authors? Agree/disagree?

@claudia-flies @quarra @cleo4u2 @chiyume @opposablethumbs-on-ao3 @kajmere 

Actually I would like to know artists oppinion too:

@artgroves @cobaltmoony @hopeless--geek (if I missed somebody, feel free to jump in)

[chiyume]

Where to find me

I know everyone’s making these kinds of posts rn, but I’m jumping on the bandwagon here, because I don’t want to lose any friends.

Ao3: Here you’ll find my fics, in all of their porny-with-feelsy glory. All kinds of nipple presenting (female or no) to be found here, that’s a promise.

Twitter: Mostly for complaints and shitposting about my daily life. Haven’t been all that active here since I tend to forget I have one, but in the wake of recent and current events I will probably be more active here in the future.

Dreamwidth: Recently created. I have no idea how it works (yet!), but most of my fandom artist and writer friends are moving in, so I’m going with them. 

Deviantart: Old account. Like, really, I don’t even use it anymore since Deviantart according to policy have the right to steal and sell everything you upload, so will most likely not be putting any art up here unless absolutely positively left without any other choice.

As for this blog, and my art blog (chiyume-arts) I’ll probably just leave them as is for now. But I don’t think I’ll be uploading any new content here anymore, at least not unless this ridiculous ban is removed, and the flagging system gets worked out. At this point, however, I honestly don’t have much energy left to care about what happens here, for both petty and (not quite as petty) personal reasons. Time will tell what becomes of this hellhole of a site. Meanwhile, I’ll work on some new fics, and maybe some art so I’m ready to start posting again when opportunity presents itself. I’ll be around until the 17th though. Just to keep an eye on the drama. And for friends, of course. 

If you don’t have any of the above social media but would like to stay in contact with me anyway, send me an ask or a DM, I’m sure we can work something out <3 

You take care of yourselves now, ya hear? Practice self care, eat and drink tasty stuff that’s good for you if you can, try to hang around people that give you energy, or stay in and recharge yourself doing something you love. 

The night always seems the darkest before the dawn. 

[chiyume]

Update: the move has gone well, and all that’s left now is to sort through all the junk I’ve managed to pick up over the years. I mean, I found trinkets from when I was in first grade hid away in a box today! At least I’ll have stuff to do.

[chiyume]

Current Situation (Personal Post)

So, I’ve been a bit absent from tumblr lately, due to a lot of reasons. One of them being having signed up to write a last minute fic for the amazing Captain America Reverse Big Bang that finished yesteday. It’s been a lot of fun, and I’m proud of my work for it. It’s genuinely been such a joy, and I’m so grateful for having been allowed to be part of it.

However, there’s another thing that happened last Monday that has literally turned my world upside down.

I’m not writing this for pity points, but because I’ve recieved messages from people asking me on updates for art and fics, so instead of repeating myself over and over, I’ve decided to make a post for people to read instead.

[Personal post under the cut]

So, this Monday, when I got home from work, my boyfriend, who I’ve been living with for the past 7 years (been together 8), was sitting on the couch in our living room, waiting for me.

He told me that he didn’t think we should be together anymore, that he’s thought about it back and forth for months, and that he, on that day, had reached the decision that we are too different from one another to stay together,

Consequently, in thirty minutes, I lost my boyfriend, my home, and my economic stablity, all at once.

I packed a bag in less than ten minutes (because that’s the time I got), and went home to my parents, where I’ve been staying since then. I’m living in their basement at the moment, although, through some goddamn miracle, I actually managed to find an apartment just five days later. The contract is signed, I have the keys in my pocket.

However, there’s still one thing left that prevents me from moving into my new home. And that is my now-ex boyfriend.

According to law, I own half of the house. He is now trying to convince me that I’m only entitled to 14% of it. He also won’t let me take any belongings from the house, not even those that I owned before he and I got together. He’s not allowed to keep those things from me, but he is. There are negotiations ongoing, but they’re dragging out on time.

So, right now, I have nothing. I have no job, but bills to pay, an apartment, but nothing to put inside it, belongings, but none that I can get to.

In short, it’s a mess. I haven’t slept for more than three hours a night for the past week, and everything just feels hopeless.

I have come to realize now, that I’ve spent the past 8 years of my life, living in yet another abusive relationship. Not a physcal one, but a psycological one. I realized this as I brought home a bag of potato chips the other day, and had an epiphany that I didn’t have to hide the bag. I could open it, and leave it on the coffee table in my parent’s basement, and no one would judge me for it. 

I realized it again, when I for the first time in over four years, played music out loud on my computer without wearing headphones. Because no one would be there to tell me how dumb my music was, or how annoying it was to listen to some of the songs.

I realized it yet again as I realized that the running jokes of “at least he’s not hitting me” hadn’t really been said as jokes, but as a plea for help. Because no, he never hit me, but that doesn’t mean that I had not been in pain.

Ugh, this turned into a much longer and emotional rant than I intended. I have stuff bottled up still, but I’m working on it. It’s a process.

Anyway, hopefully I’ll be able to move some of my stuff into the new apartment this weekend, with or without my ex’s consent, and I have a goal to move in completely by next Friday. Because then I’ll have internet, and a bed, and that’s all I need, really.

So, yeah, life is a bit shit, but I have wonderful friends, close by and sadly far, far away, who are helping me keep my nose above the water. Without them I honestly don’t know what I would do. And of course, art and fic help, because now I am allowed to write and draw whenever the fuck I want, and then some.

And there you have it. That’s the current situation, and I’m a bit of a wreck, for a lot of reasons. I just want to get on with my life as soon as possible, in the way I want to live it. 

Needless to say, it’s been a while... 

[chiyume]

Tol Steve or Smol Steeb?

I'm planning a Stucky fanfic and can't decide. Send me your preference as an ask, and the Steve with the most votes will be in the story!

[chiyume]

I have 102 messagea in my Ao3 inbox and I seriously need to get a grip and answer them before people start thinking in avoiding them on purpose ;___;

[chiyume]

Do you have any suggestions for writer's block? I've been struggling really hard with writing a few fics and I just can't seem to get back into them. I'm also having family trouble and it's gotten pretty bad, and it's really affected my writing. So I was wondering if there's anything you knew that could help?

Oh, honey, I’m sorry to hear you’re having family trouble, that’s never a fun thing to go through :( I hope it gets resolved soon, and that things will turn out right for you.

To answer your question, I’m just gonna go completely on personal experience here and list a few things that usually help me when I feel stuck in my own writing.

Rule no.1 - Don’t try to force it.

To initiate a staring competition with your computer screen in the hopes of it making your inspiration bounce back to life, is widely regarded as a bad idea. It’ll only increase your frustration, and leave you feeling even more down than you were from the start.

Step away from the computer. Do something else. Go for a walk. Do your laundry. Clean your kitchen. Vacuum the floors. Something monotone and repetitive that doesn’t require too much focus. It tends to get the thoughts flowing. I personally have solved most issues with my fics while wearing my running shoes. It’s not for everyone, but that’s the most reliable tip I have.

Rule no.2 - Talk to someone about your ideas (or lack thereof).

Get a hold of someone, anyone, and ask them to help you. Tell them you’re stuck. Don’t focus too much on why you’re stuck. Just accept the fact that you are, and then start discussing your original ideas, moving towards where you want the story to go rather than where it currently is. 

Odds are your friend(s) will have an entirely different POV than you, and they will most likely be able to provide you with some fresh input and ideas. Play around with it. Joke about the plot. Bring up things that are completely ridiculous and out of character, then try to envision a scenario that would make such actions and events make sense. It’s good practice to get the imagination back on track. And suddenly, hopefully, some word, or thought, or mental image will trigger the solution or idea you need for your story.

Rule no.3 - Go read other people’s work.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying you should go out copying what other people have already written. What I’m saying is for you to go out there and get inspired by other people’s stories. By their characterizations, by the way they choose to move their plot forward, by the language they use. Don’t focus on creating, only experiencing, because that’s where most of our inspiration come from.

Rule no.4 - Create a timeline/outline.

This is more of a planning thing, really, but it’s what I always do when I start a new fic.

First, write down a timeline for the plot in a separate document. Where does the story start? Where do you want it to end?

Write down the main characters’ feelings and emotional states, along with other information that’s relevant to the plot at these different points. What differences do you see between the start and the ending?

Now start marking out relevant turning points of the plot in the timeline. What major events do you want to happen during your story? When do they happen and in what order? What do these points entail for your characters? How do they make them feel? What consequences do they bring and how do you plan to solve them? Should the consequences be solved at all?

Once you know where you’re going, and which events you have to clear before you get to the ending, all you have to do is start filling out the blanks.

Write down an outline describing how the characters get from point A to point B. And then from B to C, to D, all the way to whatever letter your plot happens to end on.

This is a good way to prevent writer’s block during the process of writing a story, because you’ll always know what part to write next. You’ll never have to worry about writing yourself into a corner with no way out, because you’ll have the metaphorical map and compass at the ready throughout the whole process.

This way it’s also easy to add events and plot-points to the story without losing track of the original idea :)

I hope that helps. Also, if you’re willing to give Rule no. 2 a try, my inbox is always open, and you’re more than welcome to dm me whenever you like :)

Good luck with your writing, sweetie, and hang in there. Things will get better, I’m sure of it.

Lots of love to you, honey. 

[chiyume]

Numbers 3, 16 and 17 for the ask thing please my sweet :D xxxx

@one-to-a-million Of course, darling!

3. Tattoos I have. (Expect a long answer fro this one because I love talking about tattoos, okay?)

I have, as of now, two tattoos. 

One that I made on two separate occasions, on the inside of my right wrist. It started out as the Japanese kanji for “dream” (which is a partial word in my username Chiyume). The kanji to me, represents the need to have dreams in your life, like goals and ambitions, and I love languages and alphabets, and Japanese is just such a beautiful language to me, so there wasn’t much debate on what language to chose. Later, I added the black sillhouette of a phoenix circling the kanji, representing the fact that even though some dreams die, new ones will be born from the ashes, and the personal development that comes out of that. 

The second is a lower back tattoo I had done when I was 18 (which is the youngest legal age to get a tattoo in Sweden). I made it myself, and it’s basically a partial tribal tattoo (because those were trendy back then lol) with a rose in the centre of it, with thorny branches reaching out to the sides. I am actually thinking about covering this one up, though, seeing as 1. I made the mistake of simpy going to the first tattoo artist I got recommended, without doing any research first. 2. The artist dug the needle in too deep, leaving me with scarring, so even if I were to remove it with laser, it’ll still always be visible.

And it’s not that I don’t like it, because it’s still mine and I’m proud with the work and thought I put into it, no matter how un-trendy it might be nowadays, but I also feel as if that’s a part of my life that’s passed now, and just like me, I’d like to take this tattoo and make it better, let it blossom into the image I really had in mind but was too scared to do back then.So when I get a job aka. money to pay for it, I’m gonna cover it up and allow it to become a part of me that I feel really represents the mental journey I’ve gone through these past five years and that I can own without feeling embarrassed about it. 16. Favorite Movie

See, this question isn’t fair. Just like asking me about my favorite artist or favorite song, because I CAN’T CHOSE. I can’t possibly settle for just one, because it all depends on my mood and in what context I’m asked.

I mean, I LOVE The Dark Crystal, because that’s my childhood right there, and it represents the connection I have with my dad, who’s inspired me to become the nerdy fangirl that I am through Star Wars, Doctor Who, Lord of the Rings, The Muppet Show, Stephen King, Comic Books, you name it, my dad had a role in all of those things.

At the same time, I LOVE horror films, and honestly the movie Oculus is the best damn horror movie I’ve ever seen. SO good! So psychologically fucked up! I love it!

The list goes on, depending on genre, the time of my life the movie represents, what mood I’m in. You wanna talk movies, I’m all up for it. if I haven’t watched one, I will, just to have a conversation topic. Hit me up! :D

17. A fact about my life

I have social anxiety (big shocker, I’m on tumblr, what do people expect?), but the kicker is that I’ve actually gotten better recently, and in a heartbreaking speed. 

I’ve been faced with situations that I’ve been forced to deal with, and for the first time, I’ve had friends around me that’s been able to actually relate, and who’s helped me realize that the important thing is not what other people expect you to handle, but what you can handle for yourself.

They’ve helped me realize that it’s okay to push yourself to your limit, as long as you do it for you. And seriously, that wakeup call has been a game changer. I will be forever grateful to them for what they’ve done for me. They’ve helped me identify my limit, and they’ve helped me push past it to set a new one. For me, and only me. Not for them or anyone else. 

And this fact has been a revelation unlike anything I’ve had for years. The last time I felt relief like this was when I got the actual diagnosis, realizing that it’s not all in my head (even though it is, but not like that) and this is sort of a similar experience.

I am now writing, I am drawing, and my next personal confidence goal is to actually get over my stage fright and learn how to sing when other people can hear me. Which is a huge deal for me to even consider. So there you have it, a fact about my life, lol, I hope it wasn’t a boring one.

[chiyume]

Oooh 12,13, and 20 for the intro ask please! My question for 20 is: How ya doing fam? :>

Certainly, @merrkkat​ sweetness! ^^ 

12. Ideas of a perfect date

So, instead of listing activities one could do (movies, dinner, picnics blablabla) to me, a perfect date isn’t really about what you do, but how it feels, you know?

Like, a perfect date for me, is one where I get to laugh and talk a lot with my date, make jokes and have jokes made back as a response.

I want to feel as if what I say matters, and creates an honest reaction and opinion within the person I’m talking to, igniting interest and focus. On a perfect date, I want to be able to share intimacy on a level that is based on more than just basic physical attraction. Hand holding instead of kissing. Sharing little touches that are meant to reassure more than excite. Little but very important things.   

It’s the kind of date that is easy-going, without pressure of having to be or do anything except what feels right. The kind that you don’t want to end, because it makes you feel good and happy about life, and about yourself and everything around you.

That to me is a perfect date :)

13. Life goals

My life goals are pretty simple, I guess.

I want to find a job I enjoy doing – maybe not every day, but more often than the days I don’t.

I want to have enough money to buy things when I need them. Not when I want them, but when they’re needed.

I want to write the book I’ve been dreaming about writing since I was seven years old, and get it published. Not famous, or well-known, but I want to be able to take it out and look at it, covers and all, and remind myself of the fact that hey, I did this. I accomplished this.

I want kids, one day. When I’m able to properly provide for them and give them the life and future they deserve, to teach them about all the things I’ve learnt, and the things I will come to learn.

I want to grow old. Have a life. Feel as if what I did with it matters.

I want to be remembered by the people I love as someone dependable. Someone they could come to when they needed help. Someone they could trust. 

I want to be the good friend, the fun mom. The wise, curious old lady next door who sits out in her garden in the summer time, talking to her pets, and who bakes cookies for the neighborhood kids, just to pass the time.  

I want to be a person I can be genuinely proud of.

Not necessarilya perfect person, but a good one.

20. How ya doing fam? :>

I am doing very well, friend XD Better than in a long, long time actually. And it keeps getting better with the help from you guys :)

[chiyume]

I have cleaned my desk! =D (Well, I've cleaned my office, but the desk got a hit too, even though it still needs some work.) At least I can sit here now, and I feel very good about myself, and I just wanted to make a post about what a responsible *cough*adult*cough* I am. So there you have it.

[chiyume]

Could you do 9 and 20 (Do you like anime / manga) and 20 again (favorite music genre), pretty please?

@madmooninc Of course I can, love ^^ 

9. Tattoos I want

Well, as I wrote in another one of these asks, I am thinking about covering up the current tattoo I have on my lower back. It’s a difficult thing, though, because since it’s a cover up, the design has to be based a lot on the tattoo I currently have, so it’s gonna have to be pretty big. Most likely, it’s going to curl up along my left hip, towards the ribs, and then down along the right hip, to create a sort of wave pattern, making it look more feminine and less “square”.

I know I want roses. Possibly a peacock feather and some sort of skull element in there. Very classic imagery, because the symbolism of the classics means a lot to me. Probably will focus a lot on black and white, with shading, and a splash of color to certain elements of it (the feather, maybe a single rose in bright red?) I haven’t decided. It’s a work in progress, still :)

I’m also planning to have a tattoo done when I finish writing my book, as a sort of milestone, but I haven’t decided what it’ll be yet. It’ll most likely be some sort of circle or diamond shaped, and I’ll probably have it placed on the nape of my neck.

Tattoos are dangerous things, though, because the more you get, the more you want lol XD These two are the ones I KNOW I want to have made. What happens after that, only time will tell.

20. Do you like anime / manga?

Manga, not so much, but I used to watch a LOT of anime. Naruto and Naruto Shippuuden were the very reason I started writing fanfiction, which has turned out to be a very good decision lol. The last anime I watched was Free! Iwatobi Swim Club, which I absolutely fell in love with (Ugh, Rin, so damaged, so pure, my little shark baby. And Makoto, my gentle giant with the big heart and lovely voice. ). I haven’t watched any more since then, though. I discovered Stucky and Marvel, aaaand yeah, you get the picture lol.

Might try and catch up with the anime world again though. This Yuuri on Ice thing seems quite popular, and since you follow me, you ought to know how much I adore pretty gay boys in love, haha. We’ll see, one day, maybe :)

20. Favorite music genre?

Honey, listen, I have 69,3 GB, 16 023 files, and 787 folders of music on my computer. If you think picking just ONE genre to mark down as my favorite is going to be easy, then oohhh, boy, let me explain you a thing.

However, having gone through said folders, I can announce that I appear to be a hoarder of emo/grunge/punk/metalcore rock music. I can’t really put a label on it (I even googled for one, didn’t find any), so I’m just gonna randomly list a few of the band/artists I tend to fall back on, on a regular basis.

Dead by April

Volbeat

Linkin Park

Fallout Boy

Panic! at the Disco

Green Day

Three Days Grace

Simple Plan

Evanescence

Good Charlotte

Skillet

Billy Talent

Breaking Benjamin

Thousand Foot Krutch

The Used

Sum 41

3 Doors Down

System of a Down

Korn

Maroon 5

Adam Lambert

So yeah, there you have it. What can I say, I’m a sucker for whatever songs you can sing harmonies to, which I do. A lot. Like, all the time. XD It’s a guilty pleasure lol.

Thank you so much for the ask, honey ^^

[chiyume]

I’m having the worst day

Anxiety is making my life a bitch again. I’ve had continous panic attacks over school and work since 3.30 AM (it is now 8AM) for the fourth night in a row and I’m just about exhausted at this point.

I need all the fluffy (or sexy) cute posts about Seb, Bucky, Chris, Steve, and Stucky you can send me, so feel free to spam my inbox with stuff because lord knows I need it today.

[chiyume]

Have you a shop to buy prints of some of your work? Or do art for prints? I would love something stucky of yours on my wall...or would you do commissions like that? Would totally pay for that!

Asdfjshdaskdasldalskdal my art on your wall omg that’s amazing, I’m so flattered thank you

Uhh, I haven’t got a shop yet. I’ve been thinking about it, but I have absolutely no idea where to sell my art, should I decide to do it online. I’ve heard so many things from different people about pages that steal the rights to your stuff the minute you upload it, and I’m not sure if that’s something I’m willing to risk. If you have suggestions, I’m all ears ^^ 

I am actually going to a con here in Sweden at the end of May where I’ll make an attempt to sell my art as prints for the very first time :D I’m super nervous about it, but also super excited! I really do hope there’s a market for them, despite some of them being NSFW and so far exclusively for the Stucky fandom. 

I’m planning to do a survey at the con, though, to see what people would like to see more of in the future, since this is all so very new to me. I’ve also considered to take commisions, both here on tumblr and at the con, but I haven’t taken the actual plunge yet XDD

Trust me, when I do, there will be a post about it, and I’ll happily draw some Stucky for you then :D

[chiyume]

Random question coming through~ What is your idea of a perfect day?

At this point: a day where nothing goes wrong, and my plans aren’t interupted by other people having (in their opinion) brilliant ideas of doing things THEY think would be great for me to do. Just, one day without any messages where people ask for favors, remind me to do stuff, points out all the many ways my current social, mental, and physical situation needs to be fixed, etc. etc. etc. Just one day with me, wi-fi, my laptop, lots of time, and total and complete peace.Wow, that turned cynical very quickly, apologies XD In general, however (and this is going to sound so cliché, I’m sorry) but: waking up without having anything actually waking me up, have a nice workout at the gym or at home, have a good breakfast, and then write and/or draw aaallll frickin day. Maybe go for a walk in the sunshine (sunny spring weather is so nice, you feel me?) and have takeout for dinner since that means I can spend an extra hour being creative rather than running around the kitchen cooking. It sounds boring, maybe, but fuckit, I’m a boring person. I just want my peace and quiet, and my health. Seriously, it really is a lot harder than one might think to attain those things, even more so at the same time.