#christ. same thing with journalism

[dreamwritesimagines]

The Eye of the Hurricane [25] - Steps

A.N: Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback, you made my day! ❤️I hope you’ll like this chapter as well, and please don’t forget to tell me what you think! ❤️

Summary: Some plans require patience.

Word Count: 2500

Pairing: MobBoss!Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Warnings: Violence, guns, crime, blood, explicit language, dysfunctional relationship, mentions of sex. This is an AU, friendly reminder that I don’t condone any of the actions depicted on this story and please read with care.

Series Masterlist

Attending couples therapy while there was an unofficial war in the city was quite strange but then again, this whole marriage was strange.

“Before we end our session,” Dr. Raynor said. “How are the intimacy journals going?”

You and Bucky exchanged glances before you both turned to her.

“They’re going well,” you said. “Mine is more detailed than Bucky’s, I also created a whole system to make it easier for you to read, would you like to read it now?”

“Not yet,” she said. “I think I’ll wait for you two to feel more comfortable with writing it down for a while. When you said a system…?”

“She gives it stars,” Bucky said helpfully and you nodded.

“I also got like, a color system,” you added. “I categorized it by each color like, how I feel, how I think he feels, how did we communicate before, during and after—”

“I can’t believe we didn’t consider your teacher fantasy,” Bucky muttered and your jaw dropped.

“I do not have a teacher fantasy!”

“Then why are you trying to get an A in therapy?”

“I’m glad you brought it up Bucky,” Dr. Raynor said and you gasped.

“But I don’t have a teacher fantasy!”

“No not that,” Dr Raynor said. “We said you would try a fantasy within the week. Did you?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

“How was it?”

“I think I’ll let Bucky describe it,” you said, shooting him a look and his eyes widened.

“Charm!”

“What?” you said. “Think of it as revenge for that teacher student thing. Go on, tell her.”

  You and Bucky had decided on what you would tell her before the session but judging by the look on his face, Bucky had assumed you would be the one who would do the talking about that. You tried to bite down your smirk and cleared your throat, motioning at Dr. Raynor.

“Go on.”

“We uh…” Bucky cleared his throat. “Yeah, we tried a fantasy.”

“Which was?”

“We did the public thing.”

“Public thing,” she repeated and Bucky sat up straighter.

“Had sex in the back alley of the club,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck and you nodded, smiling at her.

“The thrill of getting caught,” Dr. Raynor commented. “How was it?”

“Charm?”

“She asked you, not me,” you said, still smiling and Bucky cleared his throat again.

“Yeah it was great.”

“And Y/N?”

“I gave it five stars,” you said. “And used my purple glittery pen while describing it on the journal.”

“Your guess is as good as mine about what the purple glittery pen means,” Bucky told her and you heaved a sigh.

“Afterwards on the other hand,” you said. “Yellow pen, three stars.”

“Jesus Christ,” Bucky said, running a hand over his face and Dr. Raynor frowned slightly.

“Why is that?”

“I happen to think aftercare is important. Bucky disagrees.”

“I don’t—that’s a lie,” Bucky pointed out. “Charm, to repeat, I cannot give you pillowtalk in the back alley of a club.”

“See?” you motioned at him while keeping your eyes on Dr. Raynor. “Three stars.”

Dr. Raynor smiled at you before checking her watch.

“We’ll continue next week,” she said. “Keep writing on the journals.”

You nodded and stood up from the couch, Bucky doing the same.

“Have a nice day Dr. Raynor,” you told her and walked out of the office with Bucky following you. When you stepped outside, he let out a breath.

“Well that was something,” he said, checking his phone and you grinned.

“See? Told you she’d buy it.”

“Did you have to give me three stars?”

“It wasn’t for your hypothetical performance,” you reminded him. “And you said it yourself you’re not a pillowtalk guy.”

“Yeah that whole thing is bullshit.”

You arched a brow.

“I feel sorry for every girlfriend you’ve ever had,” you said. “Lunch?”

He shot you an apologetic smile.

“I have a meeting,” he said. “What with the attacks lately, can’t be too careful.”

“Ah,” you said and waved a hand in the air. “Sure, yeah. I’ll see you at dinner then?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’ll drop you off. Home or Becca’s place?”

“Becca is busy, I’ll just walk around for a bit,” you said and he hummed, then motioned at the bodyguards waiting by the car. You rolled your eyes at him.

“Seriously?”

“Yes seriously,” he told you. “Told you, can’t be too careful.”

You groaned. “I hate you so much right now.”

He let out a chuckle, then pressed a kiss on top of your head.

“See you at home princess,” he said and walked to the car to get in. You offered the bodyguards a small smile and started walking, fishing your phone out of your pocket in the meantime.

It rang only twice before Sarah picked up.

“You do realize that you calling me every two hours is a bit of an overkill?” she asked and you grinned.

“I’m worried about you, sue me.”

“Y/N…”

“I just want to make sure you’re okay!” you defended yourself. “I mean, after that night.”

“Everything is fine,” she assured you. “I’m alright. Besides, Sam is already pulling that overprotective bullshit, please don’t start as well.”

“Fine, fine…” you grumbled. “But you are being careful?”

“I will hang up on you.”

“No!” you protested, making her laugh.

“How was therapy?”

“It was alright,” you muttered. “Went as expected. Do you think I have a teacher fantasy?”

Sarah hummed. “Nah, you just have a praise kink.”

You stopped dead in your tracks, your jaw dropping. “Sarah!”

“What, you asked!”

“I do not have—”

“Please, it's very obvious,” she said and you let out a breath.

“Unbelievable,” you said. “I was going to ask you out for lunch but…”

“Does the lunch include me telling you what a good girl you’ve been?”

“I will hang up on you right now,” you said, making her laugh.

“Can’t do lunch, I’m busy,” she said. “Things are insane at the hospital lately, sorry.”

“It’s fine,” you said. “I guess if no one is meeting me for lunch, I have no choice but spend a bunch of money on bunch of clothes.”

“That’s the spirit,” she said. “I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yep, be careful!” you told her and hung up, then turned to the bodyguards to let them know you would be going shopping but out of the corner of your eye, you saw a familiar black car pulling over. The bodyguards stepped closer to you but you heaved a sigh when your gaze fell on the plate of the car.

“It’s fine, it’s my dad’s men,” you told them as two men stepped out of the car.

“Ma’am.”

“Luke,” you said. “Brian. Long time no see.”

“Your father would like to talk to you,” Luke said and you pulled your brows together.

“My father is aware of the fact that phones exist, no?”

They didn’t reply and you threw your head back, then motioned at your bodyguards.

“Come along then,” you told them, approaching the car. “We’re paying a visit to my dear father.”

                                             *

Of course you knew your father wouldn’t approve of you going to the Wilson territory right after it got attacked but even you had to admit, you hadn’t expected him to send his men to pick you up to take you to the company. As you walked into the familiar skyscraper, you could feel the nervousness spreading over you but you frowned to yourself, rolling your shoulders back.

The days of you doing anything and everything for his approval was behind you.

After taking the elevator, you walked past the waiting room and your father’s assistant smiled at you.

“He’s been expecting you.”

“Lovely,” you said and knocked on the door.

“Come in!”

You opened the door and stepped inside.

“Father,” you said. “Your phone is broken or something?”

“Or something,” he said sternly, giving you a reprimanding look from where he was sitting behind his desk. “Sit down please?”

You bit inside your cheek, then made your way to plop down on the seat across from his desk.

“Nice to see you too,” you muttered and he let out a breath.

“Y/N, what do you think you’re doing?”

“You mean other than getting picked up off the street by your people?” you asked. “I was shopping.”

“No, the other night,” he said. “I hear Bucky took you to the Wilson territory after the attack.”

“Bucky didn’t have to take me anywhere considering I’m not a goddamn pet,” you said tersely and he shot you a glare.

“Y/N.”

“And I’m a grown woman, father,” you reminded him. “I don’t have to explain to you where I go or when.”

“You’re my daughter,” he reminded you back. “My daughter who seems to love walking into danger.”

“It wasn’t dangerous.”

“I don’t know what Bucky has shared with you so far about these attacks but—”

“He shared more with me than you did,” you couldn’t help but point out. “HYDRA was the one who attacked the Wilson territory just like other territories.”

He ran a hand over his face.

“Sweetheart,” he said. “The city is very dangerous lately even without you rushing to places under attack. What if something happened on the way there? What if they weren’t done with the attacks? What if there was an ambush?”

“What am I supposed to do?” you asked back. “Stay at home?”

“You’re supposed to stay safe,” he insisted and you crossed your arms, leaning back.

“I am safe.”

“Are you though?” he asked you. “Because that right there was reckless. Your aunt agrees.”

“Of course she does,” you murmured and he drummed his fingertips on the desk.

“I’m worried about you,” he said. “So does she. So does Ian.”

“Ian doesn’t give two fucks about me much like his mother,” you said, making him run a hand over his face.

“Language.”

You licked your lips, not even commenting on it and he let out a breath.

“Do you still carry a gun?”

“Of course I do,” you said. “What am I, an amateur? Ian is the one who is too cocky to carry a gun, everyone knows—did you seriously call me here just so that you could reprimand me?”

“I called you here because I wanted to see you,” he said. “Can you blame me? You’ve been angry at me for a while now, we barely had the chance to talk just the two of us.”

You rolled your eyes, averting your gaze. “I’m not angry.”

“Aren’t you?”

You swallowed the bitterness at the back of your throat.

“You’re the boss of the family,” you forced yourself to say. “Who you pick as your heir is up to you.”

“I’ve never wanted the business to get between us,” he insisted. “You know that. Family is forever, business is just business.”

No.

Not really.

That wasn’t what you heard growing up, at least. Family and business were inseparable, everyone in this line of work knew it.

You pursed your lips together and shrugged your shoulders.

“I know,” you lied through your teeth and a silence fell upon you before you stole a look at him. “And…are you being safe? What with these attacks and everything?”

He smiled at you softly and waved a hand in the air.

“Always am.”

Worry churned your insides as you nibbled on your lip, your eyes darting over his face.

“Do you promise?”

“I promise,” he assured you and took a deep breath. “I’m not dying before you and Bucky give me a grandchild.”

A small laugh escaped from your lips and you shook your head slightly.

“I thought you said that’d make you look old?”

“I could be a young grandfather,” he pointed out. “I’ll hire a stylist and all that nonsense. Perhaps get a tattoo as well, or dye my hair.”

“Dye your hair to—”

“Sir,” the assistant knocked on the door. “Your one o’clock is here.”

You looked over your shoulder, then pushed yourself off the seat.

“That’s my cue to leave,” you said. “By the way, is auntie back because she had another breakup?”

He rolled his eyes.

“You didn’t hear it from me,” he said. “But apparently they had quite the fallout.”

“Meaning?”

“She burned his car before coming back here.”

“Figures,” you said after a beat. “Well, I gotta get back to shopping. I’ll see you later then?”

“Please do,” he said. “And pick up my calls so that I won’t have to send people after you, hm?”

“I’ll think about it!” you said, and walked out of his office to go to the elevator with the bodyguards following you.

                                                    *

Judging by the personal bodyguards patrolling the hallway, Bucky was already home by the time you returned home. You smiled at Hannah as you made your way through the hallway, then opened the door, peeking your head in.

“Buck?”

“Hey babe!” he called out, no doubt for the bodyguards to hear as well and you bit back a smile, then stepped in and closed the door behind you.

“Hey,” you said, “You’re home early?”

“Yeah, one of the meetings got cancelled,” he said as you stepped into the kitchen, then gasped at the brand name on the takeout paper bag.

“Yay!”

He chuckled and came closer to kiss you on the head, making your heart skip a beat.

“Yeah, your favorite.”

“Did you also get the—”

“Chocolate souffle from the same place, yes,” he said. “In the fridge.”

You grinned at him. “Five stars.”

“Yeah keep that in mind,” he said, grinning back before pulling your seat. You let out a laugh and fixed yourself in an exaggerated manner before sitting down and pulling the bag to yourself, then took out the box.

“I really don’t think it’s as good as you claim it is,” Bucky pointed out and you glared at him as you grabbed your fork.

“You take that back about my sweet and sour duck.”

Alpine jumped on the counter and you clicked your tongue.

“Alpine, no it’s bad for you.”

“You know you don’t have to explain that to her every single time we eat, right?” Bucky asked and you shrugged your shoulders.

“It’d be rude,” you said as you put Alpine back on the floor. “So, how was the meeting?”

“It was good,” he said. "Talked to Sam.”

“How is he?”

“Pretty pissed off,” he said. “Can’t blame him.”

“Me neither,” you muttered and he nodded.

“And now we know what shipment your father put Ian in charge of.”

Your head shot up. “What?”

A lazy smile pulled at Bucky’s lips.

“And it’s coming next week,” he said. “The perfect time for him to prove himself, or…”

“Or fuck it up,” you finished his sentence and he shrugged his shoulders.

“Or that.”

You bit inside your cheek, your heart pacing in your throat.

“Bucky,” you said. “It’s going to be dangerous.”

“Mm hm.”

“I mean it,” you insisted. “Are you sure about this?”

He tilted his head, that mischievous light still playing in his blue eyes.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to, Charm,” he said. “You know that already.”

You could feel the happy fluttering in your stomach and you let yourself smile back at him, then took a deep breath.

“Alright,” you said. “Let’s show the city who the real heir should be then.”

Chapter 26

[thestalkerbunny]

So truly as his song proclaimed, on one sunny day (A heat index of literally 97 degrees and climbing) I once again met with our old friend Bill Cipher by purchasing The Book of Bill.

And I gotta say.

It was like a WAVE of nostalgia.

I had forgotten how GOOD and WITTY Gravity falls had been. Not to mention the book in itself is SMART. We as a community were ENTHRALLED with the evil tortilla chip-an absurd thing to vote Tumblr's most sexy man 2013-and the book knew that and was like 'here is more of the chip man.' Like obviously there's codes and treats and what have youse for the smarter folks. But just the energy of the whole book, the fake ADS, the amazing design work, the missing pages, GATSBY, the LORE Bill gives that fills in so many blanks for us while callously poking more holes with a pencil at the same time. You read it perpetually bouncing back and forth questioning how reliable a narrator Bill is and more importantly, how much of it do you REALLY want to believe in?

It's a narrative that explores Bill as a person-at least how Bill Perceives it and with missing journal pages from Ford, how FORD perceived Bill.

The whole book in itself is a BREAK UP story, between a Man and the Monster who he unknowingly let into his life. A monster that pushes him to the brink, that makes the possession trope EXCITING AND NEW to me as he is horribly aware and actively communicating with the monster who is actively threatening his very LIFE if not given obedience and compliance. And it's not one sided yelling into the void convos-they can actually communicate and it makes the disregard so much more terrifying. It both makes you empathize with our favorite villain while not cheapening it so much to redeem him.

Reading this book validates the mania we see Ford with when we get the flash back episode of the Portal Incident. The sick sort of Paranoia that he's developed because every waking moment of his life has been ruined by someone he let in, trusted and opened up to.

The Book of Bill doesn't pull punches. There are parts in this book that go from 'comical horror' that jacks it up to 'Jesus fucking christ'

The Book of Bill does what the original show was not allowed to do-which is go further with how DAMAGING a relationship Ford had with Bill. How it was an addiction, feeding off each other. Ford in finally having someone who could in essence-REFLECT his own intellect back at him and Bill, a creature that demanded an audience to be witnessed by constantly.

Regardless, this was a FASINATING read. 110/10 totally work the trip in the 97 degree heat I made to 3 towns over JUST to get the Barnes and Noble EXCLUSIVE Copy that will now sit very proudly on my shelf. Go Buy it, Go Read it, It is WORTH it.

[bosbas]

Chapter 2: I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

series masterlist previous part || next part

pairing: colin bridgerton x enemy!fem!reader WC: 2.0k words

Warnings: period-typical gender roles, negative self-talk (Colin bby🥺🤏), a small part of the dialogue is in French

Summary: It took precisely two days in England for you to utterly despise Colin Bridgerton. It took him approximately twelve hours after that to hate you right back. But he doesn't care that you're the only person in the ton who doesn't like him. You're set to marry someone else anyway, right?

April 16, 1816 – And of course, one cannot forget to mention Lady Y/N Montclair, who looked like a vision in her emerald dress at the Danbury Ball last night. Her presence seemed to cast a spell over the gentlemen in attendance, and they were practically lining up to engage her in conversation. It was a sight to behold, watching them swoon over her. However, one can hardly blame them, given how effortlessly graceful she was. It appears Lady Montclair will have more than enough gentlemen to choose from this season…

Eloise scoffed and rolled her eyes, the newest Whistledown in hand as she sat on a couch in the tearoom. “My word, if she hadn’t been in Tuscany last season I would think Lady Montclair herself was Lady Whistledown! She’s only been here two days and she’s already been mentioned more than most of the ton.”

Benedict chuckled from his seat across the room, shooting a look at a disgruntled-looking Colin who was trying very hard to make it seem like he wasn’t listening to Eloise reading Whistledown’s account of the ball. 

“I’d wager that Colin is Whistledown, actually. I’m convinced after today’s column,” Benedict said teasingly, taking a bite out of an apple as he analyzed the sketch in front of him. 

“First of all, I don’t even write like Whistledown, which you would know if you read the letters I sent while I was in Greece,” Colin shot back, irritated. “And second, even if I were, I certainly would not have spent two full pages talking about Lady Montclair. I’m sure I have no idea why Whistledown thought she warranted such a large portion of the column today.” 

The words felt bitter and unpleasant in his mouth, and he regretted them instantly. He knew he sounded petulant, but he couldn’t help his defensive tone after last night. Eloise, catching onto Colin’s tone, cocked her head toward Benedict and raised an eyebrow in confusion.  

“She didn’t want to dance with him,” explained Benedict, sounding highly amused about what was one of the more embarrassing things to happen to Colin. 

Eloise burst out laughing. “No! A woman who didn’t want to dance with Colin? Something must be incredibly wrong in the world! How could she have said no to London’s golden boy? And on his first day back! Shall we call for a medic?”

Colin felt the blood rushing to his face and his cheeks warming, not particularly pleased to have to deal with his sister's teasing today. He knew he was being ridiculous, that much was clear. You were only one person who hadn’t wanted to dance with him. But you had just looked so beautiful, and the way your eyes had lit up when you laughed with your brother was so enchanting, that he fashioned himself half in love with you already. 

It was slightly gut-wrenching to know you didn't feel the same way. He must have done something, Colin reasoned. No one had ever not liked Colin simply because of who he was, and he was more than a little concerned that you seemed to be the first. 

Eloise had been joking, of course, when she called Colin London’s golden boy. But it wasn’t as much of a joke as he would have liked. Anthony was a viscount, and Benedict was a successful artist with a painting in the national gallery, but what did he have to offer? He was just aimlessly traveling the world, documenting his travels in a journal no one would ever read. His own family didn’t even read his letters, for Christ’s sake. He was a third son with no talents, and the only thing he could do was lean into his charm and good nature and hope that people liked him anyway. And he had been relatively successful thus far. Except for with you, it seemed.

Noting Colin’s uncharacteristic grim mood, Eloise briefly panicked, wondering if she had gone too far. With a far softer tone, she added, “Maybe her dance card was full, Colin. It doesn’t mean she didn’t want to dance.”

But Colin shook his head, placing his chin on his hand. “I highly doubt it.”

He knew better than to assume the best. He was remarkably skilled at reading people, but even without that, it had not been difficult to tell that you were full of contempt. For him or someone else, he couldn’t be completely sure, but the way you had been laughing and smiling with everyone except for him was a particularly useful hint. 

Before he could dwell further, Violet entered the tearoom. “We’ll be going to Hyde Park to promenade today, darlings.” It was far easier to coerce her children into doing her bidding when she didn’t give them a choice. 

Ignoring their grumbling, she left the room, calling out over her shoulder, “Be ready in one hour!” 

---

Colin had barely been at the park five minutes before he spotted you, and he drew in a sharp breath. God, it was infuriating. You were wearing a cream-colored dress, chatting pleasantly with your mother, and he wanted to scream. Of course, you looked completely breathtaking. It was exactly what he needed when he was already nervous about approaching you. 

During the carriage ride, he had decided to try to speak to you again. To be your friend, at the very least. Perhaps you did not want him as a suitor, but the thought of someone in the ton actively disliking him was nauseating. 

So, he steeled himself, staring longingly at you. Now was as good a time as any because, for some miraculous reason, there seemed to be no men hounding you at the moment. You had separated yourself from your family slightly, silently observing who he could only assume was one of your older sisters and her husband. 

He made his way over to you, hands fidgeting behind his back nervously. Swallowing down his fear, he cleared his throat as he approached you, a soft smile on his face. 

“Lady Montclair, it’s lovely to see you here today. I believe we may have gotten off on the wrong foot at the ball last night, and I wanted to offer an apology.” Your face was completely blank, not giving anything away, and Colin found himself a tad more nervous than he was when he first walked up to you. “Perhaps we could promenade?” he finished weakly. 

An apology? What on earth was Colin Bridgerton on about? There was no way he’d seen you in the hallway, right? 

“An apology, Mr. Bridgerton? Whatever for?” you asked carefully, not giving anything away. 

Colin cleared his throat awkwardly. He wasn’t quite sure himself, to be honest. “Well, I’m afraid I might have offended you by asking to dance so suddenly. It might have been a bit brash to ask for a dance without a proper introduction first.”

You almost sagged in relief. Your reputation was safe. Though now you seemed irrationally angry, despising Colin for no apparent reason. However, it wasn’t in your nature to make nice with someone who viewed women simply as breeding stock.  

Curtly, you responded, “I can assure you, Mr. Bridgerton, that that did not offend me. Had we been properly introduced, my answer would have been the same.”

“Oh,” he said softly. 

You stared at him blankly, with no hint of warmth in your gaze. Sensing your hostility, he promptly turned away from you, returning to his family. Anger burned in his chest. What the hell was your problem with him? He’d barely spoken two words to you, and you had acted like he had offended your entire bloodline. 

When his anger subsided, Colin had a sobering thought. For the first time in his charmed life, someone simply did not care for him. And the worst part? He hadn’t even caused it. Colin, who prided himself on his charm and wit, found himself in the position of being disliked without cause. 

He suddenly felt very inadequate. It was a foreign feeling, and it settled quite uncomfortably in his chest. If you were determined to hate him, so be it. But to hate him without reason? That, Colin could not agree to.

If you insisted on casting him as the villain in your narrative, then he would play the role with ease. If you wanted a reason to dislike him, then a reason you would have.

You stared after Colin, eyes narrowed. His ability to act like a complete gentleman would have been impressive if it wasn’t so disturbing. 

“Ma grande,” your mother called, coming to your side (My dear). “Did I just see you being rude to Colin Bridgerton? He left fairly quickly,” she scolded gently. 

“Non, maman. Ne t'inquiète pas,” you assured (No, Mom. Don’t worry). Upon seeing her unimpressed look, you switched to English. “It was just a misunderstanding.”

“Well, you don’t seem to like him very much,” she observed.

You let out a nervous laugh, waving her comment away. “I don’t know him well enough to dislike him, maman!” 

You needed something to distract her from this line of questioning. Your mother knew you well enough to tell when you were lying, and she would be positively furious if she uncovered the real reason why you despised Mr. Bridgerton. 

Fortunately, a distraction arrived by the name of Lord Arthur Barlow. 

“Lord Barlow,” your mother called out excitedly. “Allow me the pleasure of introducing my daughter, Y/N Montclair.”

“Lady Montclair,” he smiled warmly, stretching his hand out to you. “A name as lovely as its bearer, I daresay.”

 “Lord Barlow,” you answered shyly, placing your hand in his. You felt your cheeks heating up as he kissed the back of your hand, and you were taken aback. This entirely charming man had disarmed you completely in a matter of seconds. 

"Lord Barlow, the Duke of Monmouth," your mother announced with a flourish, her eyes bright with approval at the budding acquaintance. "Shall we take a turn about the park? I would be delighted to chaperone."

Subtlety was not her specialty. Or perhaps not her priority. Though you couldn’t really be upset with her, given how good-looking the Duke was. He nodded graciously at your mother and placed your hand at the crook of his elbow, smiling down at you as you began to stroll. 

You were so enthralled you barely registered him speaking. “I hear you’ve got a knack for languages, Lady Montclair,” he remarked, prompting your attention.

“Yes, your Grace. I speak five languages, and read Sanskrit,” you answered dutifully. Such accomplishments were no small feat in the circles of the ton, and you knew it put you at an advantage in the marriage mart.

“Most impressive, indeed,” he answered, his gaze thoughtful. “My brother’s wife is from Prussia, and I’m sure she would love a chance to speak in her native tongue.”

The Duke's boldness caught you off guard, the suggestion of speaking with his sister-in-law a surprising turn. "Oh," you murmured, slightly taken aback by his directness.

 “And what else do you like to do?” asked Lord Barlow, smoothly transitioning the conversation. 

A well-prepared response rolled off your tongue, a practiced smile gracing your lips. “I am well-versed in needlepoint, and enjoy playing the pianoforte,” you smiled. It was what was expected of a young woman of your stature, after all.

Lord Barlow nodded appreciatively, seemingly satisfied with your answer. “And how do you find England? I’m certain you’re missing the Tuscan sun,” he said, pushing the conversation to lighter topics. 

The Duke's engaging manner, paired with the approval of your mother, had utterly charmed you. Engaged by his charisma and easy conversation, you found yourself giggling during your conversation, utterly captivated.

Unbeknownst to you, Colin Bridgerton observed

from afar, his gaze sharp with a mixture of irritation and something deeper brewing beneath the surface. Each laugh, each shared glance between you and the Duke, stoked the flames of his simmering displeasure.

—

previous part || next part || buy me a ko-fi!

Tag List: @marvelspogue @5sosmakesmelaugh5 @livingthatprovinciallife @maddiebaddie1 @willieoo @jessica-1120 @dreadity @h0eforwadewilson @ziarah @wordsgodeep @like-gabriel-and-castiel @dianxiaxiexie @snapeeballsack @sosasi521-blog @saturnssunflower @indecisive-empanada @invisible-dreamers-world @angerpearl @spacecowboy-0 @lavaschnuppe @ssexsellls @idkwhatimdoing6 @smugrogerina @cherrysxuya @blackqueens01 @ella33 @eve175 @tiger1357890 @mrs-c-bridgerton @bozoqt @nighttimemoonlover @anthonylockwoodandco111 @beamuont

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list!

[yandere-metal-family]

yandere young sabastian/glam? maybe before and during Chive? if not, that's okay!

Why is Chive the only name thing that's capitalized 💀

Before Sebastian/Glam met Chive/Ches

You knew Ches before you met Sebastian, but you also met Sebastian before he met Ches

It was by accident, you both happened to be at the same place at the same time doing something you weren't supposed to

He's rude and snippy with you

He treats you like you're white trash and he's Jesus Christ

He loses his mind if you are even slightly better than him at anything he does. Even something as simple as walking

He does eventually slightly warm up to you, but nothing to serious

He might passive-aggressively compliment you

^ "You did a pretty good job. I mean, I still did better, but you did alright"

You have a sibling rivlary kind of relationship

Always trying to do better than the other

He writes about you in a diary/journal

^ At first it was to vent his frustrations about you and the feelings you made him have, but then it went into how he doesn't mind you so much anymore. In fact he thinks of you as a friend

After Sebastian/Glam meets Chive/Ches

When he meets Ches, you're just happy Sebastian's directed his hatred for you towards Ches

Ches takes it like a champ tho [Unlike you]

"Of course you two degrades know each other"

"You know this guy, Y/n?"

"Yep. And he's always like this"

Not going to lie, Sebastian was a little jealous at first

He didn't know you had another friend, especially a guy

It might show in his little remarks about how hates Chives

But, it slowly dies down, just like he did with you, because he realizes Ches isn't a threat

He desperately craves your attention when you create the band

He needs the affection from another human and he so desperately wants you to tell him that he's doing a good job

You help him with his hair and make up and he helps you do yours, though he's not very good at doing women's hair [He sure tries]

Glam is obsessed with you in the same way Chive is obsessed with drugs

He looks at you in the same way you look at someone you've loved your whole life

He doesn't know when he started loving you, but he doesn't mind

He never gets tired of you and he swears he loves you more every day

The hole his father built in his heart is the perfect spot for all the love he has for you

[falling-star-cygnus]

since Gravity Falls is reviving itself Danny Phantom style rn, i feel ever so inclined to bring attention back to

✨Dipper's Pocket Knife✨ -> which i'm absolutely convinced he had, i will not be mandala-effected now that it's a SCREWDRIVER?? THAT CLOSE-UP SCENE WAS NEVER THERE

yk how Mabel announces every time she uses her grappling hook? i can totally see Dipper doing the same thing

*In the events of Scary-oke* Dipper, cornered and panicking: POCKET KNIFE *stabs zombie* Stan: Christ, kid, how long have you had that on you? Dipper: Uh.. I don't know.. maybe, two- three years now? Stan, raising an eyebrow: ...do your parents know that Dipper: ....yeees? *Intense Grunkle Stare* Stan, ruffling his hat//hair: Eh, good enough for me!

*After the events of Fight Fighters* Mabel, upside down on her bed: Hey, Dip-Dop? Dipper, reading Journal 3 on his bed: mm? Mabel: Why didn't you just use your pocket knife against Robbie? You know, instead of summoning a weird.. blond street fighter? *Dipper slowly looks up, the events of the day dawning on him* Mabel: ...you didn't think of it- Dipper: I didn't think of it.

[keepingitsimple3]

There are many people that tell you all the time that as a Christian you are not allowed to be angry! You should be happy because you have the love of Jesus in your heart and so nothing should bother you!

As a Christian myself I feel like this gives a lot of people the impression that Christians are part of a cult or even have to fake being happy all the time. Because the truth is we are human, we have feelings. God designed is with feelings.

If we are angry cause a slew of people were hurting our feelings at our job, we are angry! If we are sad about someone dying, we are sad! If we are genuinely happy about something, then we are happy! When we are hungry, we get really really hungry! We feel these emotions, we were born with emotions. Even Jesus had emotions in many verses

John 11:35- “Jesus Wept”

John 2:15-“and when he had made a scourge of small cords, he drove them all out of the temple, and the sheep, and the oxen; and poured out the changers' money, and overthrew the tables;”

“And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.”

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭4‬:‭2‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Etc.

Jesus was God and Man! He felt all the emotions! He was not just the person who was like a ken doll where he did not feel any emotions! He Wept for Lazarus, he was angry at the changers in his Father’s temple, he hungered after forty days! All these things he felt!

So my friends, don’t ever apologize for being sad or feeling angry or feeling overwhelmed or frustrated or whatever your feeling. God understands your pain, your emotions and what your feeling in your heart! You have nothing to feel sorry for! Many people in the Bible even who were good people have felt what you feel!

Plus you don’t always have to be perfect! No Christian in the Bible was perfect either!

All these characters had flaws but God was the one who chooses them and uses them for his glory! He didn’t have to, he could have chosen someone else but he didn’t! Even after some of these PE apple sinned he still choosed them! So what does that tell use?

God doesn’t care if you’re not the perfect Christian!

He doesn’t call us to be perfect just Christ like in our character which we can develop as we walk in the Lord. He just wants a relationship with us!

Now, Will you stumble and fall into sin? Yes! Will you get frustrated at him at times or cry when things get too tiring or frustrating? Yes! Will it be hard? Yes!

But it doesn’t mean he won’t be there for you! He just wants you to tell your problems to him, whatever they are, and wants you to talk about it with him and be patient with him because that’s what a relationship is! It’s open communication! And we shouldn’t be afraid to talk to him.

So Christian, don’t change yourself unless God convicts you to change some part of you, because he will and it is for the better! After all Paul was killing Christians and became a Christian himself lol! Moses was a murderer but then lead a people to a new life!

Still, don’t let others define who you are or tell you who God wants you to be! Let God tell you, let home speak to you and tell you what needs to be done in your relationship with him!

And don’t be afraid to go to him and tell him how you feel! Because he wants you to do that! He’s our father and as a parent he wants to know how you feel! And he wants to wipe away those tears and those sorrows and help you calm down when you are angry! You just have to talk to him, or pray to him or read about him or even write a prayer journal to him!

That’s all you have to do!

So if anyone out here needs this, I hope this helps! And if this helps, I’m going through the same boat! So don’t feel like your lost at sea in your own boat! Look around you! We are all in the same boat and are here for you!

‭

[lunii-tunes]

Baby Steps to Big Steps

I just set my phone aside, reclined on my bed, and guess what? I was surrounded by screens – the TV stood right before me, my tablet mounted to the left, and my laptop perched on a stand to the right.

I put my phone down because the moment I logged onto TikTok, I encountered a video addressing lukewarm or carnal Christians. It explained that one cannot wield God's power to fend off the enemy if they are lukewarm in their faith. This made me reflect, "Wow, she's right. I had resolved to read the Bible and immerse myself in God's word, yet here I am, just two days later, having completely forgotten about it."

As I continued to scroll, I encountered a post about a man who devoted his life to Christ in 2005. He shared a story of praying with his wife and daughter before tucking his daughter into bed. Since his wife had already gone to sleep, he retreated to the living room to browse through Instagram and relax following a lengthy and tiring day. He came across an ad featuring a half-naked female and instantly had to avert his eyes and set his phone aside, yet the image lingered in his mind for those few seconds. He was deeply troubled by the unexpected appearance of such content during his browsing. The next day the Holy Spirit delivered a message to him while he was at the gym. He discussed our tendency to become engrossed in worldly matters, neglecting to make time for building a closer relationship with God, yet finding time for TV shows, social media scrolling, and the like. It's a hard truth that, as much as we may not want to acknowledge or accept it, holds validity.

About a month ago, I made the tough decision to deactivate my Facebook and Instagram accounts. Now, I use Tumblr for journaling and TikTok to express how God has influenced my journey. Yet, I'm still captivated by Asian dramas, and sometimes, explicit scenes tempt me towards old habits I've fought off with prayer. I believe that investing more time in Bible study could help me avoid these temptations.

It goes without saying that I still have much work to do to be fully right with God. I prayed before starting this post, and after finishing, I will turn to the Bible and delve into the gospel. For those on the same path, I understand it's a daily struggle. Yet, as long as we pray and act, darkness will not prevail, and we can all achieve eternal life with the Almighty who never lets us down.

1 John 2:15-17

"Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever."

[oddygaul]

Zenless Zone Zero

Well, I’ve been playing the shit out of this game, so fair warning, there will be significant brainrot ahead.

Overall, I really dig it. I’m a huge mark for character action games, and well-done life sims tend to suck me in; Zenless Zone Zero is nailing both those aspects pretty damn well. In fact, it’s nailing them well enough that… how do I put this… it starts to slip into the territory of being A Good Game Generally, rather than just a gacha. And while this is a big accomplishment for ZZZ, this also puts it into direct conversation with other full-price games, resulting in its gacha elements causing more friction than Honkai Star Rail’s ever did*.

*I’ll be comparing this to HSR a lot, because I play way too much of both and they’re made by the same developer. I recognize that it is pretty odd and potentially even problematic to A / B compare them when I could be looking at the game through the lens of, you know, Gaming At Large. But hey, that’s why this is a subjective journal and not a holistic review blog! It is what it is.

So, the aesthetic of this game fuckin rules - it’s like, late 90s to early 2000s VHS-core. The main characters run a Blockbuster, for Christ’s sake. Presentation-wise (and systems-wise, and, hell, music-wise), ZZZ is obviously borrowing a lot from the Persona series, but like… great? I’d love it if more things cribbed that style and made it their own, from the confidant hangouts, to the small but comfy explorable areas, to the dynamic menus with edgy character poses. The character design itself is all superb, all the way down to the crowd NPCs - some the shopkeepers here have cooler designs than the main characters of some other games. Even aside from the designs, ZZZ is doing a lot with lighting and color desaturation that really lends it its own unique vibe. They actually have a cohesive artstyle in here! wild.

The presentation of the story is also killer. Sure, a decent chunk of the conversations are just models lip-flapping at each other - although they at least emote and pose a bit here, unlike the Star Rail dialogue scenes with their demure princess waves. In the main story, though, we get not only a heap of fairly lengthy cutscenes, but also this really cool comic panel-style presentation.

I feel like there was a bit of a trend in the PS3/360 era of games to present a game’s story in this comic panel / storyboard style. I understood the motivation: games increasingly demanded a more involved, consistent storytelling approach, rather than the ‘One big rendered cutscene at the beginning and end’ they used to get away with, and the generation’s increased visual fidelity meant that doing even basic, in-engine cutscenes took a lot more resources to make something half-decent. In Spyro the Dragon on PS1 you could get away with a fun little 15-second gag with a barely animated polygonal yeti or whatever; in the PS3 era, you were going up against tryhards like Metal Gear Solid 4. Amidst this landscape, the pitch of having your illustrators pretty up some storyboards and put them in the game sounds like it’d save a lot of work - plus, consoles were finally outputting a high enough resolution that this sort of flat image wouldn’t be compressed to hell.

Thing is, I always kinda hated that approach. In some cases, I think that’s the popular opinion - I fuckin love Bayonetta, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone defend its weird slideshow cutscenes. Even in games where the execution is perfectly fine, though, it rubbed me the wrong way. I think of Infamous - objectively, the art’s solid and fits the tone of the game, and the motion graphics aim to capture some of the dynamism typical cutscenes would provide. Despite all that, it still feels cheap to me - all of the panning, effects, and graphic imagery feel like they’re trying to polish up something that inherently doesn’t fit.

In ZZZ, though, I’m loving every one I come across. It’s obviously still done for efficiency reasons - there’s already a handful of characters that exist only in these panel scenes, saving the team the effort of having to model and rig them. But the freedom this allows for staging and storytelling is huge; the characters are more expressive here than anywhere else in the game, and we’re able to see situations with huge crowds and new locales much more often than would be possible in typical cinematics. And the illustrations are genuinely good, too - full of character, cool poses and creative compositions/angles.

if everything actually had to be modeled, there's no way we would've gotten Legally Blonde Nicole

Plus, the cutscenes are constant, and boy do I love the animation here. It feels so rare nowadays for a high-budget game to do stylized 3D animation of this ilk. Your biggest budget games are all going for the cinematic look, and pushing realism as much as they can - and while I know an immense amount of work and craft goes into animating something like The Last of Us, boy, I just could not care less about something so lacking in flair*. Even bigger properties that use a stylized artstyle these days, like Breath of the Wild, still tend to lean towards fairly naturalistic animation. Zenless Zone Zero’s cutscenes, on the other hand, spin and stretch motherfuckers around like we’re back on the PS2, are filled with forced perspective, and I am absolutely living for it. It’s not even reserved only for bombastic action scenes, either - we get honest to god character acting-focused conversation cutscenes.

*Seriously, take me back to the Naughty Dog that animated Jak & Daxter. Jak’s hero animation is top tier to this day

Of course, the combat animation slaps too; each of the playable agents is absolutely dripping with character. Even characters whose designs initially left me cold won me over once I saw the amount of care put into their movement and combo strings. It’s honestly shocking to me that this is the same studio that made Genshin Impact, a game I dropped after about 2 hours because of how lifeless all the animation felt*. Unique run cycles for every character, actual non-human designs, the flourishes everyone has when stopping mid-combo to snap them back to idle, the absolute synergistic audiovisual bliss of the parry… it’s really impressive stuff from a young team.

*Same studio in name only, totally different team, I know, but still

Mechanically, I have some mixed feelings about the combat as a whole. Zenless Zone Zero is, without a doubt, aiming to present complexity and depth as a team battler - that is to say, it’s more about team synergy, tag combos, and knowing who to use when, rather than soloing as any particular character. Nonetheless, I really would’ve appreciated individual characters having a bit more depth to their movesets; a jump, a launcher, cancels, anything. As outstanding as all the animation work is, there’s some characters that only have a normal attack string on square and one special attack on triangle. Like, sub-Dynasty Warriors level of complexity here. It’s rough.

This is where ZZZ’s gacha nature gets a bit ugly: so far, more complex kits and skill expression are mostly locked behind rarity, which is kind of scummy. In Star Rail, for the most part, 4-star characters are defined as such due to their numbers: they still have mechanics and complexity, they just aren’t tuned as high as the limited characters. Hell, in some cases they have more complexity. Ruan Mei is an almost incomparably stronger unit than Asta, but Ruan Mei’s play pattern is fucking boring: you use skill every three turns when it runs out. Asta, meanwhile, basically has her own risk & reward minigame that demands more thoughtful SP management.

In ZZZ, on the other hand, the lower-rank characters straight up have less going on in their kits. Nicole has like… one tech, sorta. Anby has one single animation cancel to chain her normal into her special quicker. Lucy’s only skill expression is choosing whether to tap special or hold special. Meanwhile, Zhu Yuan, a limited character, has a normal string that bounces between melee and ranged attacks, can be dodge-canceled at any point in the combo to branch into variations of the string, and a hold-normal attack string that’s completely different and has the same branching dodge-cancel tech.

It’s one thing to lock raw damage and meta viability behind a gacha, but locking the characters that are mechanically more interesting to play straight up sucks. If I hadn’t been lucky enough on the standard banner to pull exactly the two characters I find the most mechanically satisfying, I don’t know that I’d still be playing - and this is the point where ZZZ begs comparison to other, non-live service character action games. Sure, it’s probably not fair to compare a random A-rank’s moveset to Devil May Cry V’s iteration of Dante, a feature-creeped nightmare of a kit 3 console generations in the making. But what about Sengoku Basara Sumeragi, my personal character-action GOAT? By all accounts a mid-budget title, yet it offers 40 full characters chock-full of more unique mechanics and animation cancels than you can shake a stick at.

Fuck, can we please get a new Sengoku Basara? Please? I’m desperate out here. I’ll take anything, y’all.

There’s also the inherent issue that plagues every action RPG (usually deftly avoided by the character action genre), which is the delicate balance of player success depending on the numbers vs actual mechanical skill - a balancing act made even more noticeable due to the gacha genre-standard of characters taking weeks of grinding to level up. This is a topic for another day, but suffice to say, a big part of the reason Honkai Star Rail works for me as a very pretty version of Cookie Clicker is because of the Autoplay option. In Zenless Zone Zero, if you’re not willing to grind out the same mob fight for a week or two, you’re gonna hit an endgame roadblock of doing chip damage to a boss you’ve mechanically mastered because you’re underleveled, and boy, that never feels good.

For all those issues stemming from the gacha, I will say, it’s great that the story missions let you use the characters that are actually supposed to be present for those missions, even if you don’t own them. Aside from how nice it is to have an opportunity to put the whole roster through their paces, it goes a long way for actually getting invested in the story. Honkai Star Rail’s storytelling is a hot mess for many reasons, but it’s always particularly jarring rolling up to a sidequest at like, a local theater troupe with a wanted space criminal, the sitting president of a completely different planet, a ten year old child, and a shirtless cyborg cowboy, none of whom have canonically met each other; ZZZ’s approach sidesteps this issue. The proxy angle even provides a pretty valid diegetic explanation for why agents that don’t know each other might be working together.

Now that we’ve sort of meandered back to the story after talking about animation led us on a long detour - the story is surprisingly solid. In particular, I really appreciate how straightforward the writing is. I don’t know if the issue lies with the original text or the localization, but Star Rail’s dialogue, even in simple missions, tends to be incredibly meandering and overstuffed; ZZZ is a lot better about letting all its characters talk like actual humans. It also helps that the plot so far is a lot more grounded, and spends more time focusing on each faction’s group dynamics rather than the overarching plot. These games live and die by their characters, so leaning into those strengths is a smart move.

Zenless Zone Zero is, unfortunately, fully in line with Hoyo’s weird conservative politics - in particular, 1.0 and 1.1 are absolutely stuffed full of copaganda. With how many safety regulation jokes they made at the construction company, I initially hoped they’d lampoon the police faction a bit, or make a commentary on how comically heavily armed New Eridu’s police force are. In a vacuum, Zhu Yuan shouting combat lines like “Stop resisting!” or “Freeze, hands up!” while blasting someone with her gigantic, ‘JUSTICE’-emblazoned rocket launcher shotgun feels like it ought to be satire. Every time we talk to the officers, though, it’s just line after line about their solemn duty to protect the people of the city, how essential and important they are for the community, and so on and so on.

This wholehearted embrace of the world’s current power structure is something Zenless Zone Zero approaches in nearly the exact same way as Star Rail. In both games, your playable character is someone that’s sort of operating outside the law - in Star Rail, as the maverick organization that is the Astral Express, while in ZZZ you work as an illegal proxy. Despite this setup, any time the protagonists come into contact with a governing body, they are no less than thrilled to help them enforce the will of the law.

In Star Rail, you aid the local governments (one of which is an undemocratic monarchy) in committing massive cover-ups to hide their failures from the populace not once but twice. In ZZZ, you aid the police to an obsequious degree - playing along with them to not arouse suspicion is one thing, but helping them organize a fucking community day on Sixth Street? Fuck that. Hell, said community day is even shown to initially be DOA because none of the local residents trust the police - and you best believe we get two full scenes of the MCs changing the resident’s minds, resulting in them spouting shit about “Oh, it was our fault for judging the police too harshly - they really do have our best interests at heart!”

is it tho

There’s an argument to be made that the N.E.P.S. are a little different, given that they exist in a post-apocalyptic world with monsters popping up every day - and ZZZ’s copaganda is certainly a little less flagrant than something like Spider-Man helping the NYPD install civilian surveillance networks in Insomniac’s Spider-Man. And, sure, perhaps this can help excuse why they post fully armored, rifle-wielding soldiers in the Lumina Square DMV, and provides some justification that their existence is more helpful than the real world’s civilian-murdering property guards.

Thing is, though, at every turn you’re hit with dialogue and situations which make it clear that, no, they’re the normal cops. Every other sidequest seems to involve calling the N.E.P.S. in on somebody or helping with an investigation, and for every time we see them handle ethereal activity, there’s two instances of them being called in for petty property theft or something similarly minor - even the playable character has heaps of dialogue choices threatening to call the police on someone*. Much like Star Rail’s reactionary politics were strangely at odds with the ‘blazing a new path’ ideals of the trailblaze, Zenless Zone Zero’s obsession with the police puts a damper on its underground, counterculture aesthetic.

*Including a case where both options threatened this, leaving me without a non-narc dialogue choice.

illustration by Lv01KOKUEN

And finally… I don’t know where to fit this in, so I guess it just goes in its own little section at the end here. Lots of people, myself included, have touched on the Persona inspirations - and they’re certainly significant. One thing I’m surprised I haven’t seen anyone mention as a huge influence is Yasuhiro Nightow’s Kekkai Sensen / Blood Blockade Battlefront. From its sense of style to its worldbuilding, ZZZ damn near feels like fanfic to me. Hell, it’s right in the name - BBB? ZZZ? And this is on top of the dimensional crossover / big city vibe, the retro fashion, the different factions. Victoria Housekeeping might as well be Libra 2.0 - Von Lycaon is a damn near perfect 50/50 expy of Klaus and Stephen Starphase. And then Belle / Wise, who assist these powerful fighters in a noncombat role just like Leo, also turn out to have some sort of special magical eyes granted to them by untold powers from within the dimensional rift??

I’m here for it, don’t get me wrong - love Nightow. But that can’t be coincidence, right?

[crowleys-hips]

im only venting here bc im terrified of having a physical journal and it being found so scroll past this. or dont. idc. but.

i haven't been having mood swings, no. i've been having fucking mood rollercoasters of doom. i hatehatehatehate admitting vulnerability but i srsly feel like im drowning i havent felt srsly suicidal since last year. i hate it here i wanna die. everyone who flooded my inbox on that day calling me a misogynist, women hater, rapist enabler, etcetcetc. just for. fucking grieving and raging about shit. guess fucking what. i've been S/A i know what it's like to not get believed. but i also have brothers who have been in really abusive relationships where an ex would beat him, and threatened him to call the police on him and say he sexually abused her. the other's ex wife would also get violent, actually did call the police on two occasions, tried to tell them the same shit, they found absolutely no evidence other than the fucking claw marks on his arms. i don't even like my brothers. but i knew these girls. they. aren't. nice. so. i'm not saying i'm taking sides on the current situation. but things aren't black and white, and jesus fucking christ if everyone could just stop jumping to fuxking conclusions and chill the fuckiut but h i knkw that wont ever hppen im just

ive been having flashbacks to those moments they come and go but this has brought them back. i hate it here. i hate everything. im more guarded than ever. im scared to lose friends. im so fuckinggg ANGRYy at everything. i wanna tear everything to pieces and scream until i spit my lungs out. "you shouldn't have parasocial relationships in the first place this is all on you" fuck you. i grew up reading his books. ive listened to him talk watched endless interviews read his old journal. held on to every single word because id been drowning for such a long ass fucking time and i felt like i had found a safe space here. im autistic and have extremely bad bpd. i cant control this. i'm terrified. i'm enraged. i'm drowning in depression. im having flashbacks. ive been holding back panic attacks. and i have the fucking right to feel like this and that doesn't make me a fucking enabler. so FUCK YOU for saying that. and until we get the entire full hard facts, i'm not going to condemn him. fucking crucify me for that i guess.

[expensiveity]

any advice on growing a relationship with God? btw i love your acc very much 🩵

well first and foremost, thank you.🌹 secondly, i would have to say in order to grow a relationship with God (from my perspective) it all starts with prayer and obedience. little by little, kill the distractions and just at least begin a daily routine with praying, listening to gospel music + Godly podcasts. christian tik tok (the hashtag) was my bestfriend and journaling to Christ helps as well. just committing 30 minutes out of your day to Christ is where it all began for me. move at your own pace. day by day, you’ll find one or two things. either God will place you in isolation so that you’ll be in deeper seeking of him and/or you’re gonna go through a period of time where God will begin to start exposing and revealing things for what it really is. either way, don’t be discouraged. as long as you stay firm in your faith and seek him always despite your unfortunate circumstances he will make a way where there’s no way for you, he’ll open doors that were closed shut, and make miracles happen in ways you wouldn’t imagine. those who despised you, talked down on you, and ridiculed you. will be the same individuals asking for forgiveness or asking why or how. that’s how powerful our God is. i’m so excited for you. it’s a never ending journey. it isn’t easy. but it is so worth it. i promise you. you’ll see.

[hymnsofheresy]

Truly He taught us to love one another His law is love and His gospel is peace Chains he shall break, for the slave is our brother And in his name all oppression shall cease Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we With all our hearts we praise His holy name Christ is the Lord! Then ever, ever praise we His power and glory ever more proclaim!

“Since that first rendition at a small Christmas mass in 1847, "O Holy Night" has been sung millions of times in churches in every corner of the world. And since the moment a handful of people first heard it played over the radio, the carol has gone on to become one of the entertainment industry's most recorded and played spiritual songs. This incredible work--requested by a forgotten parish priest, written by a poet who would later split from the church, given soaring music by a Jewish composer, and brought to Americans to serve as much as a tool to spotlight the sinful nature of slavery as tell the story of the birth of a Savior--has become one of the most beautiful, inspired pieces of music ever created.” (x)

Learn about the abolitionist history of O Holy Night:

“Things start in 1843 or 1847—there’s some discrepancy about the year—in Roquemaure, a small town in the Rhône valley region. Placide Cappeau, who had followed his father into the wine business, was also known for the poetry he composed. Though a critic of the Catholic church, Cappeau was asked by the local priest to write a few stanzas in celebration of the town cathedral’s newly refurbished organ. He is said to have written the song’s words while in transit to Paris on business, with the biblical Gospel of Luke as inspiration. On the advice of the same clergyman who had commissioned him, Cappeau took his completed work—then titled “Minuit, Chrétiens,” or “Midnight, Christians”—to Adolphe Adams, a composer of some renown. Adams, who was of French-Jewish descent, arranged the music, and the song was newly christened as "Cantique de Noel.” The carol would make its world debut, with opera singer Emily Laurey belting lyrics, during Christmas eve midnight mass at the Roquemaure church...

Though "Cantique de Noel” would quickly become a French Christmas favorite, it was later denounced by the French Catholic church—a reported consequence of Cappeau being an avowed atheist and socialist, along with the discovery that Adams was Jewish, not Christian. One bishop reportedly dismissed the song as having a "lack of musical taste and total absence of the spirit of religion.” There was also some resistance to Cappeau’s overtly anti-slavery lyrics in the third verse, which were perhaps made more glaring by his emergent political outspokenness. In any case, the ban reveals where the French Catholic church stood on matters of abolition...

In any case, "Cantique de Noel” would make its way across the Atlantic to John Sullivan Dwight, a white American abolitionist, Unitarian minister, musician and classical music aficionado who published a magazine called Dwight's Journal of Music...

Dwight gave his translated verse the title “O Holy Night” when he published it in his music periodical in 1855. It apparently became a hit in the U.S., gaining popularity among the abolitionist crowd during the Civil War. Even as the song was being banned in its home country, it was becoming a staple of Christmas, and a song of protest, thousands of miles away, in the U.S. It’s long since become part of the broader American Christmas songbook.”

(x)

[lady-harrowhark]

Upon reading the Wikipedia synopsis for the 1997 Don Bluth Anastasia film, and then subsequently the Wiki page for the historical grand duchess Anastasia, I have learnt that the name ‘Anastasia’ is apparently derived from a Greek name meaning “of the resurrection”. And as I know you are a big TLT fan I’m coming to you asking… is this anything? What are the implications? Obviously everyone in the empire is ‘of the resurrection’, but why is Anastasia specifically given this meaningful name?

Fantastic question, and one I’ve been mulling over myself. I think there are two main pieces here, and there are undoubtedly people on here better suited to expounding upon both of them than myself, as both of these topics are beyond the scope of what I can give a super nuanced explanation of, but I’m out here doing my best!

The first is, as you said, in relation to “the resurrection” with roots in “anastasis.” Within the context of Christianity, this is almost always in reference to the Resurrection, that of Jesus. Gideon is the obvious Christ figure of the series, but in NtN, most of our main characters get a little sprinkle of Christ figure imagery at the very least. However, I actually think that the more salient thing here is that within Christian art, the Anastasis specifically refers to depictions of the Harrowing of Hell. Eagle-eyed readers may recall that Harrow herself is named specifically for the Harrowing of Hell. The Harrowing of Hell, in turn, refers to the period of time between Christ’s crucifixion and his Resurrection on the third day. During this period, he descended into Hell and brought salvation to the righteous souls there, leading them out of Hell. I’ll throw in here that the stoma is said by John to be the mouth to Hell. Make of that what you will.

Additionally, I’ll point out that the Church of the Holy Sepulchre is also known as the Church of the Anastasis. This is significant to our Anastasia because the Church of the Holy Sepulchre/Church of the Anastasis includes the site of Jesus’s crucifixion… and his tomb. Which sounds more than a little familiar, no?

So the second big thing is that within biology, “anastasis” has a similar but distinct meaning. Take a look at this quote which I’ve pulled from a journal article not really because of anything about the article itself but because the wording makes the comparison super easy: 

Anastasis is a natural cell recovery phenomenon that rescues cells from the brink of death. Programmed cell death such as apoptosis has been traditionally assumed to be an intrinsically irreversible cascade that commits cells to a rapid and massive demolition. Interestingly, recent studies have demonstrated recovery of dying cells even at the late stages generally considered immutable.

Was anyone else immediately reminded of this conversation, in which John asks Harrow to explain apopneumatism (which appears to be a play on apoptosis itself)?

“Thalergetic decay causes cellular death,” you said carefully, pressing the nail in harder, “which emits thanergy. The massive cell death that follows apopneumatism causes a thanergetic cascade, though the first bloom fades and the thanergy stabilises within thirty to sixty seconds.”

Because I sure was.

In this same conversation, they talk about the life force and communal soul of a planet, arising from “the accumulation of microbial life” and what happens when you kill a planet all at once: Resurrection Beasts. Alecto.

Taken together, I think we’re looking at some very significant imagery regarding not just Anastasia, but her relationships to Harrow and Alecto as well. We have a guardian of the Locked Tomb, in which lies the soul of a murdered planet and the ostensible source of necromancy. Given where we saw her last, Anastasia seems to have set some plans in motion to not only halt this death but bring her back. A resurrection, and perhaps salvation for those who have been trapped within the stoma, which is to say: Hell.

[can-of-w0rmz]

"and stating that her portrayal as so caring is inherently sexist because it reinforces stereotypes, when they completely ignore that Jonathan would fully do the same for her at the drop of a hat"

That's the thing! He actually does do the same at the drop of a hat! When she's riddled with vampirism and lives a nocturnal existance because she can't be awake during the day and she's got Dracula in her head, always listening... he's there. Who's taking care of her while she's asleep all day, helping her move when they have to travel, helping her eat and drink, get dressed, be there when she has the dreams he once had??

ASTRONOMICALLY real, that’s the thing I absolutely adore about Jonmina is their balance. She vows to track down and destroy his abuser while tenderly caring for him, he vows to sell his soul for her and forsake God and to knife her same abuser through his chest while tenderly caring for her. One of my favourite examples I noticed was some parallels in one scene where they both physically support each other at different points:

She drooped and would have sunk down but for her husband’s sustaining arm.

–Pg 303, Dr. Seward’s Diary

I do believe if he had not had me to support him he would have sunk down.

–Pg 180, Mina Harker’s Journal

As my dad eloquently put it a few months ago, “He’s basically like, “you can mess with me all you want, but if you fuck with my wife you’re dead.’” Mina cares for Jonathan, but Jonathan absolutely reciprocates. If anything, I find the take that Mina’s care for Jonathan is sexist is honestly even MORE sexist in itself, because what’s the other option we’re promoting here?? If you get held captive in the secluded home of an old man in a foreign country being abused and harassed for months and months on end, witnessing literal child abduction, infanticide, supernatural bullshit and probably worse, and your only escape is to literally jump out of a window, your wife shouldn’t be expected to care about you or look after you after you’re finally found because you should suck it up like a man????? That’s completely and astronomically ridiculous.

Don’t get me wrong, the book has its sexist moments for sure, but Jesus Christ Jonathan Harker is the FURTHEST thing from a misogynist possible. Even when Mina was being excluded (which, by the way, was presented AS sexist as that plot line is condemned BY the narrative, fully saying that secluding women from the conversation of evil and assault is only more detrimental because it only leads to them being unprepared and not knowing how to defend themselves), Jonathan doesn’t want her to be! He consistently and constantly views her as fully her own person and a person he loves and adores, and just because Mina does things for him back doesn’t make her a sexist portrayal of a woman, it makes their relationship healthy.

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 updated, and thank Christ there's an option to skip to the chapter select this time. Let's see what we got

Year Four. Presumably we're doing 20-odd years total to make Vriska middle aged like everyone else, though I wonder how this'll read archivally when you can select the chapters out of order. Vriska is now ~20 years old, talking with Nannasprite.

I presume "Her" is going to be Terezi, but I'm actually a little mad we're skipping over the Eridan/Vriska part, if only because I think the entire fandom forgot Eridan and Vriska dated.

I wasn't sure what I expected from Homestuck 2 today, but it wasn't "Vriska and Jane talk about pregnancy".

You know, that's kind of an interesting angle. Nanna was raised by the Condesce and then her "brother" ran away to become an Englishman.

Is that :B the first instance of Nanna doing a Jane quirk thing? They are the same person, after all, so I guess it makes sense. Speaking of offscreen conversations I'd like to have seen, Jane meeting Nannasprite would've been cool to actually see. I suspect this whole conversation is setting up to contrast Nannasprite with Candy!Jane to try and figure out how one became the other.

Oh, wait, hold on. This whole thing is Vriska's character arc condensed, so I think what they're really getting at is connecting "maternal instincts" or whatever to Vriska's long-established habit of trying to make her lame friends into hobbies. Is that the connecting throughline here? Vriska just wants to be a human mom?

What a weird angle to take here, comparing Jane vs Nanna as a not-super-subtle metaphor for Thief of Light vs Normal Kid Vriska.

Nanna Egbert says to touch grass.

Also, I get that Nanna's husband isn't relevant to anything but the more she talks about her decision to give up ideas of revenge and start a family the more notable it is that she never mentions him. Maybe Dad Egbert was created in a lab and that's why he's the same in both timelines.

Anyway, moving on to Mindfang's journal. I'd completely forgotten that was the item for this chapter.

Oh, interesting. Why is there a crack in reality here? I guess it's supposed to be a spiderweb, but it's got that hole in the middle like the cracks in Paradox Space. I thought this was (Vriska) for a minute.

Also interesting, Mindfang doesn't have a "Mindfang:" in front of her text, the words just appear, like when Dirk or Al control the story directly. Mindfang, or more specifically her journal, is the destiny Vriska's been chasing, so I guess this makes sense as a followup to the Nannasprite conversation. Vriska can never be well-adjusuted until she stops treating pirate fanfiction as a religious text.

Uh. Is Mindfang being combined with Spidermom or what the hell?

Well, that was answered quick.

Oh, this Janus design is pretty sick.

Ah. Okay. I see. Vriska was talking to Nanna about why Nanna became a mom, and this conversation is helping her realize how abusive and shitty both of her own mother figures were.

These sprites are fantastic.

There's not a lot to line-by-line analyze here, the basic gist is that Vriska, like Nanna, abandons her desire for either reconciliation from or revenge towards her abusive mom and just quits. This is the update where you can most feel that James Roach worked on Stephen Universe, but I mean that in a good way. A decent update.

[raisin-shell]

Raph’s Journal chapter 10: Scars ⚠️ TCEST⚠️

We get a lot of questions, particularly from tha humans we do encounter. One of those questions is how I got my scar on my lip… an Leo his eye. Tha day started out like any other, my alarm clock went off an naturally I hit tha snooze button one to many times.

“Cmon Raph! You’re going to be late again and you know leo told you last time that it’d be your last time. Hurry up dude!”

My kid brother of all people is tha only one who can, if possible, keep me in line but today was tha wrong day ta fuck with fearless. I scrambled ta get my gear on, running frantically towards tha dojo. Once I was there all my brothers were already lined up and in position. Usually I get a tongue lashin’ from Leo tha moment I set foot in our fightin’ area but today he just glared on into some distance somewhere. Man I must have really pissed him off with my tardiness this time.

Once master splinter had evaluated us during our warm ups it was time fer some one on one matches. Naturally I was paired with Leonardo. Go figure. He seemed different today. No stoic nature just plain angry as our master signaled for us ta fight. He came at me full force, katanas weldin’ into tha sky as they crashed down against the metal of my sais.

“I told you this would be the last time you’re late Raphael!”

He’s usin’ my full name which lets me know he is indeed pissed off.

“Listen fearless, I’m here aren’t I? I swear ya get yer panties in a bunch over nothin’!”

I shoved him backward a bit to hard and he was on me once again, tha metal of our weapons clambered and clanked. He was strong god dammit that bastard was heated. I had finally had enough.

“What’s good tuff guy? Our great leader huh? Looks like ya need ta control yer temper!”

And I uppercut him, the point of my sai slashin’ his eye as he began to stumble backwards.

“Leo.. I didn’t… I’m sor..”

Before I could get it out I felt his leg swipe mine out from under me, his katana swung an if I hadn’t already been fallin’ backward, he’d have gotten more than just a slice of my lip. I groaned in agony. Apparently I landed on a sewer drain an broke my tail. Blood dripped down Leo’s eye as he just glared at me as I was rollin’ around on tha floor in pain. Practice was cut short that day. Donnie not only had to doctor myself up but Leo as well.

“Can you believe that guy!? All this because he can’t get over himself!”

I wince as Donnie takes a look at my tail.

“You were late Raph. Again. It’s been nearly every day this week. He expects more from you. He loves you. And honestly I think it’s past time you told him the truth about your feelings for him.”

Donnie was my go to fuck boy. He had always known about my secret attraction ta Leo. Never once got jealous or malicious. He was right.

“Alright fine. I’ll go talk ta him. But I swear ta god if he comes at me again I’m kickin’ yer ass next Donnie.”

A few days went by. I had ta give ol fearless his space. Give us both time ta heal. He had ta wear a patch over his eye for a while. Once it had healed and things weren’t so heated, I decided to confront him. He was tending to his bansai plants when I approached him from behind.

“Hey Leo. Yer eye okay?”

I hummed deeply as he continued pruning his plants.

“Listen fearless I’m sorry fer always…”

He dropped his clippers and turned ta face me.

“You’re sorry? You’re SORRY?! Jesus Christ Raphael you’re always sorry. I can’t get each of you on the same damn page when I have my right hand constantly disobeying orders! Do you think the rules don’t apply to you?!”

I’ll admit it… he’s cute as fuck when he’s angry.

“My eye is fine. No thanks to you.”

He folds his arms as I lean in closer to him.

“Here. Lemme see hm?”

I trace my thumb under tha bandage, peelin’ it back ta expose his eye still a bit swollen from tha impact.

“I… I really am sorry Leo. Ya just… ya don’t…. Ya don’t know how badly I feel fer ya. Ya got no clue. I love ya an it’s my fault ya don’t know that. It’s my fault. I’m… I’m sorry.”

My hand trailed across his cheek cuppin’ it as I leaned in closer ta him.

“Raph…. No…. Stop.”

My other arm wrapped around his waist as I pulled his body against mine.

“Raph I… we’ll get caught…”

No sooner did those words come outta his mouth an my lips landed on his. I was expectin’ him ta pull away but his body began ta melt against mine. All tensed muscles softened an I felt his hand cradle my neck, deepenin’ tha kiss. My foot kicked his door closed as our tongues continued ta tie. My hands took it upon themselves to wrap beneath his bottom liftin’ him up as we both slammed against the thick brick wall of his room.

His hips began buckin’ eagerly, his hard rod rollin’ against my own sent an aching throb to my cock. I grunted against his kiss, quickly untied tha laces of his pants allowin’ that beautiful cock of his to spring free. My hand couldn’t help but wrap around his perfect girth, tuggin’ firmly as he gasped and whimpered against my mouth. Never in a million years did I think things were gonna turn out like this.

My hand continued to pump his cock, usin’ all my upper body strength I held him up against tha wall as I began ta kneel down. I had his legs tucked up over my shoulders as I broke our kiss and began nibbling and sucking down tha center of his plastron. Gently, I lapped tha under ridge of his cock as a needy moan gasped from his throat. My hands spread his ass cheeks wide fer me. His thick lime green muscles glistened under tha light, a rock hard cock with two perfectly round spheres set embedded in between those legs just waitin’ fer me ta take a taste. Fuck me. My lips puckered around his bulbous head as my head bobbed down. His back craned, teeth grittin’ as ta not make so much noise.

His cock is long and thick, I can feel his pulse in my throat as I take him deeper and deeper. And his cock just kept getting harder. My thumb slipped ta his perineum using some of my own drool ta lubricate tha area, slowly pluggin’ my thumb into his tight, warm back door. Tha sweat was beadin’ and rolling down his brown as his thighs widened for me, welcoming my thumb now two knuckles deep into his body. Precum was strandin’ from tha tip of his cock ta his plastron. I knew he was ready.

I slipped back ta my feet, our lips crashin’ together again as I tugged my shorts down lettin’ my massive cock free. I lined my head up with his tight hot ring and slowly sunk myself up into him. I could feel his body trembling but his hips kept pressin’ inta mine.

“This what cha want fearless? Hm? Ya want me ta fuck ya don’t cha?”

His blue eyes opened fer tha first time since tha encounter, gazin lovingly inta my own eyes.

“Please?”

My hips retract as his mouth purses into a silent moan, tha tight pull he had on my cock nearly makin’ me explode right then and there. But I held myself together, plungin’ myself deeper into his tight cavern.

“Harder. Please harder.”

He’s beggin’ fer me now which if you’ve been readin’ up on my journal… you know that’s a weak spot fer me. I tuck my arms beneath his legs, pinnin’ him tight against the wall as I sink myself in deeper and faster until little spurts of cum began ta pulse from his cock and he came unraveled in my arms. I pulled him up away from tha wall, hips still thrusting deeply up inside of his tightness until I felt tha sweet release of my own orgasm pull through my body.

We stood there for a moment, both of us catchin’ our breath and me catchin’ fearless smiling fer a change. I slowly retracted my cock from him and set him down, helping him get his gear and pants back inta place. All tha while he had this giddiness about him that I’d never seen before.

“So I take it I’m forgiven?”

I smirked with a chuckle as I pat him on tha ass.

“For now… We’ll see what happens next time.”

[scotianostra]

Edwin Muir was born in Deerness, Orkney Islands on May 15th 1887.

He was the youngest of six children was initially raised on a farm before his family moved to the island of Wyre and then later the mainland of Orkney. His parents were farmers and when he was fourteen his father lost the family farm. This forced the Muirs to make another move to Glasgow where they hoped to secure their finances.

The move to Glasgow, from agricultural life to an industrial one, was extremely hard on the family. Within a few years, Muir’s father, mother, and two brothers died. These losses, added to the succession of poor jobs made his youth an unhappy one. He spent time working in factories and offices. The work was psychologically destructive to the young man but helped to inform Muir’s later poetic works. It was in 1913 that he began to write poetry, some of which was soon published in New Age. The passion seemed to drain from this pursuit quickly though and he turned to journalism.

A few years later, in 1919, he married Wilhelmina Anderson who was a teacher and linguist. The two moved to London together. Muir would later speak on his marriage as being the most important thing in his life. He and his wife would work together on a number of translations throughout the coming years, including Kafka, (those for which he is best-known). In the early 1920s, the couple lived in a number of different cities throughout Europe. In 1924 they returned to the UK where Muir began seriously publishing.

The translations that Muir and his wife worked on together became their main source of income. This was particularly helpful during the beginning of the second world war. The two worked on translating the works of Gerhart Hauptmann, Heinrich Mann, Hermann Broch, and more. This time period also saw Muir’s reputation as a critic grow. He wrote Latitudes and The Structure of a Novel. In 1927 Muir published his first novel, The Marionette.

The 1930s saw Muir begin a series of projects which included a number of travel and history-related works for Scottish Journey, a biography, and two autobiographical novels. In 1941 he accepted a position with the British Council and moved to Prague and Rome. The following years were highly productive and included his eventual naming as the warden of Newbattle Abbey College. His final collection was published in 1956 and he died in Cambridge in 1959.

Robert the Bruce (To Douglas in Dying)

'My life is done, yet all remains, The breath has gone, the image not, The furious shapes once forged in heat Live on though now no longer hot. 'Steadily the shining swords In order rise, in order fall, In order on the beaten field The faithful trumpets call. 'The women weeping for the dead Are not sad now but dutiful, The dead men stiffening in their place Proclaim the ancient rule. 'Great Wallace's body hewn in four, So altered, stays as it must be. 0 Douglas do not leave me now, For past your head I see 'My dagger sheathed in Comyn's heart And nothing there to praise or blame, Nothing but order which must be Itself and still the same. 'But that Christ hung upon the Cross, Comyn would rot until time's end And bury my sin in boundless dust, For there is no amend. 'In order; yet in order run All things by unreturning ways, If Christ live not, nothing is there For sorrow or for praise.' So the king spoke to Douglas once A little while before his death, Having outfaced three English kings And kept a people's faith.