#clown car of a country

[alternativeulster]

we really are doing it like nobody else though. no other country in the world could have train-based catholic oppression

[unnecessarilygrandiose]

okay but 6x11 being full of callbacks to shannon's death and 6x13 being full off callbacks to ana with the maths and the costuming?? what does it mean what does it all mean

[trueshredguitar]

logged onto the cspan speaker election stream just in time to see matt gaetz vote for donald trump

[angelx1992]

[yeuc-c]

spare some bive tidbits ,, :3

DUDE YES!

Bive has excellent focus when she gets dead set on something, she is very easily startled by loud noises, and she hates hates HATES pop country.

(She believes that pop country (music genre) is made purely to trick people into buying red pick up trucks)

(Crazy colors like red would allow the clown militias clown cars blend in easier)

[doobean]

FAMILY AFFAIRS - ISAGI YOICHI

synopsis: You've got everything in life. A happy marriage with the love of your life, a new job, and you have enough savings to buy a new house! Luckily enough, your kind stepbrother offers to come with you to the open house tour while your husband is busy and away. Nothing can go possibly wrong, right?

contents: explicit content, afab!fem!reader, stepbro!isagi, reader is married to sae, reader also wears a dress hehe, cheating, manipulation, dub-con, step cest, isagi is jealous and is a bully, kinda borderline yandere!isagi, hickeys, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex, creampies, pet names/name-calling, dumbification, doggy/missionary/mating press, ass slapping, dacryphilia, light choking, having sex while on a phone call (oral), mirror sex, mdni word count: 3.9K a/n: part 1 of my kinktober event! idk probably the filthiest thing I've ever written in my life idk what to make of it but enjoy (im sorry sae whoops) and i swear im a good girl

Compared to how most remarriages go, you have to say that your family is part of the lucky ones.

It happened back in high school, where all the weird emotions and hormones of a teenager are at its high but, surprisingly, your stepbrother and stepfather were extremely easy-going people. And they still are. Your stepfather treats your mom with utmost care and grace, something you haven't seen in a while since your biological father stepped out of your life. 

Your stepbrother, now a pro football player, is almost a carbon copy. Growing up, Isagi has always been willing to help out around the house, staying up to help you study for exams throughout undergrad and, even now, he's offering to come with you to do something that'll take up half of his off day. 

"Hey," You shut your phone after sending a brief message to your husband as Isagi hops into the driver’s seat, hair slightly damp and wearing an oversized hoodie with a pair of sweats as he had just gotten out of the shower. "Thanks for coming with me, you didn’t have to."

Your stepbrother shrugs his shoulders in response as he adjusts the side and rearview mirrors before starting the ignition. "I’ve got nothing going on today. Besides," Isagi eyes you playfully and pinches your exposed thighs between your dress leg slits. "Who knows what might happen if I let you go off by yourself?"

You return the favor with a light slap over his head, earning a loud yelp from the male. "It’s just an open house tour, not like I’m going off to war."

He scoffs cheekily, fixing his hair. "Yeah, but the realtor could be a serial killer or worse—" Isagi leans towards you and lowers his voice. "—an undercover clown."

You shrink, back pressing against the car door, and laugh. "The only undercover clown I see here is you.”

"You’re so lame." Isagi huffs before stepping on the gas pedal.

After a quick game of rock, paper, and scissors over who gets possession of the aux, he begrudgingly accepts defeat and allows you to play everything but country. When he manages to get on the highway, he speaks again, turning down the music volume just slightly. "What’s Sae up to these days? I hardly see him come to our family functions anymore."

You stop humming to the current song and break your gaze from the window. There's a small frown that forms, without you realizing it, and you bite your lips. "You know how his schedule usually is. Campaigns and interviews got him busier nowadays. But he should be landing home later." 

"Later today?" Isagi quirks a brow.

You nod, shifting in your seat. "Mhm, he said he’ll call me once the flight lands. Why?"

There’s a long pause before Isagi answers, shrugging his shoulders, and turns at the exit. "No reason."

The drive there is relatively smooth. You guys pass the time with quick snippets of what's going on in your lives since Isagi had just returned overseas from a match and, despite not really knowing the ins and outs of football that much, you're still willing to listen to whatever he's rambling on about. It's one of the small things that you adore about Isagi, he's shamelessly passionate about his career, and oddly enough, the conversation gives you a burst of energy. 

You shoot back with your own life updates, though a bit more mild and mundane to his travels and exciting goals. You briefly mention a new job promotion, your closest friends announcing their pregnancy, Sae's new ad campaigns, and all the other houses you've toured within the past three months. The current house you're viewing today seems promising and within Sae's expected pay range.

From what you've seen online, it's a three-story house built near the edge of a hill with an attached infinity pool, a masterchef-styled kitchen, and a private built-in gym. You don't really need all of that, but who are you to deny your husband's generosity? 

Isagi lets out a long whistle when he pulls up next to the realtor's car on the long, winding driveway. "You're seriously gonna be living here?" He seems to be in disbelief at the size and so are you. It's a lot bigger in person than what the pictures offer. 

"Maybe," You hop out of the car, brushing off any sort of dust collecting to your dress, and adjust your purse straps. "Hopefully, this will be the one."

While you didn’t think the realtor would be a creep, Isagi wasn’t wrong when he suggested tagging along. Upon entering the house, the realtor immediately makes an unwarranted comment about your figure, commenting on how nicely the dress hugs your body before offering his hand. Isagi intercepts smoothly by introducing himself as your boyfriend, which honestly came out of left field, but at least the realtor backed off for the remainder of the tour. After an hour of showcasing, the agent hands his business card to Isagi and nearly stumbles over his feet when leaving the property.

"Is he gone?"

Isagi pulls one of the curtains aside and nods. "Yeah, his car isn’t in the driveway anymore."

"Ugh, it’s a shame but at least the place is nice." You briefly snap a couple of photos of the living room and kitchen. "I think we might put in an offer by the end of the week."

"It's not too far from my place either," Isagi adds. He wanders around the kitchen some more, pulling the cabinet drawers open and playing with the faucets carefree now that the agent is out of sight. "Think I could crash here sometime?" He jokes.

"As much as I love having your annoying ass around, I think not." You giggle when a cute pout forms on his lips. "Okay, maybe like once a month." It's hard to say no to your stepbrother sometimes.

You meet up with him in the kitchen, hands gently gliding across the marble kitchen countertop and stopping when Isagi manages to pull out an unopened champagne bottle from the fridge. He waves it around for a bit before signaling at the glasses in the cupboards. 

Isagi bites his lips thoughtfully. "You wanna?" 

Why not? It's been quite the ride to get here and you like to think of this as an early celebration. You pull out two glasses and eagerly watch as Isagi opens the bottle. He fumbles a bit with the top and a good amount of the liquid starts spilling out, dripping over the countertop and onto the floor.

"Shit, wait let me clean that up—" He rushes to grab a nearby towel though you beat him to it with your own pair of napkins from your purse.

"It's okay, I've got it, Yoichi." You start to bend down but he grabs a hold of your wrist, forcing you back up. 

"No," His tone is firm and you could've sworn there's something fleeting that flashes across his eyes for a moment. "Let me take care of it." 

And for whatever reason, you let him. "Alright..."

Isagi takes his time cleaning up the spill. He's careful like that, maybe because he knows you're insistent on buying this property. Knowing him, he wants to make sure everything is perfect. 

His hands stop when it reaches your shoes and you feel your breath catching in your throat. The sight of him on his knees triggers a reaction you can't quite understand. You shove the thoughts away and cough loud enough once you notice him hesitating. 

"Is there something wrong?" Your voice comes out faint, almost breathy. 

"It got on your dress," Isagi states casually, lifting his head to meet your confused gaze. "Mind if I get that for you?" He whispers the last part as if there's a hidden intention behind his words. 

You're not sure if your dress got wet. You're positive that nothing spilled on it. But, according to your kinder-spirited stepbrother, there are a few spots and you suppose it'll be bad to leave it unattended. 

"Sure," You answer on instinct.

"That's good," Isagi begins dabbing the cloth gently against the fabric, slowly making his way up until he's hovering over your pelvis. 

You have no idea why you're starting to feel yourself burn all over the place. It feels like Isagi is taking mental pictures of your figure, storing them all in his head as you feel his eyes trace your skin. Goosebumps start trailing down your arms and you shift your legs together. "Yoichi—"

Isagi stops his motions and tips his head down, letting his bangs fall over his eyes. He lets the towel fall to the floor and you twitch when you begin to feel his callous palms hiking all the way up your legs. It's strangely hypnotic, watching your stepbrother do this and you're not sure why you're allowing it to happen. Everything begins to feel hazy, surreal, and wrong. 

Your gut twists on itself inside out when his fingers toy with the waistband of your panties. Surely, there are some champagne spills there? Right? Maybe that's why you feel comfortable spreading your legs for him to clean it up. The two of you silently exchange dazed glances when you guide his hands, brushing the panties to the side of your legs as your heat gains exposure to the air.

"Gotta clean this one too," He rasps out. And you take a deep, shuddering breath when Isagi's lips latch onto your folds, wasting no time with his tongue. You feel like your heart is going to pound out of your chest.

A thousand questions flood through your mind. Has he always viewed you this way? How are you going to present this to Sae? Should you even say anything to your husband at this point? They're the wrong questions to be focusing on, you know that better than anyone. In a split second, your healthy relationship with Isagi has opened so many cracks around its edges that it's now something completely irreparable. 

And you're ashamed of just how goddamn good this feels. 

"You're so sweet down here." Isagi's eyes are half-lidded when he looks up at you, already seemingly drunk off of you. 

Your eyes threaten to flutter shut as his tongue traces around, larping up your intoxicating slick. Isagi lets out a low groan when your fingers run through his hair, gripping it just slightly forward enough to allow his nose to brush against your aching nerve.

All of this comes crashing down when a familiar ringtone goes off. You nearly jump at the rapid vibrations from your purse and hastily fish out your phone, heart dropping at the contact that's on the screen. 

"Pick it up, I'll be quiet." The way that easily comes out of his mouth makes you want to throw up.

You swallow back a moan and clench the phone tight in your hands. "Yoichi, I'm being serious...! If he finds out we're both dead!"

"Then make me."

His hot breath hovers over your clit as he looks up, masking his ill intentions behind his seemingly big, innocent eyes. Those very same eyes that would comfort you after a bad day, the same eyes that shine whenever you told him about an achievement—no matter how big or small—, and the very same eyes that are now clouded with something more sinister as he searches for an answer in your own pair.

"If you don't want it then push me away. Make up your mind or else Sae's gonna be worried." Isagi mocks your voice when attempting to say your husband's name. The way it rolls off his tongue makes your stomach churn and the wedding band on your hand suddenly feels unbearably tight.

You shouldn't. You know better. You're in love with Sae Itoshi and this—whatever this is—needs to stop.

"You're turning into a mess down here, sis." You attempt to close your legs together but his grip is like iron. Isagi tilts his head to the side and huffs over your nub. "I said push me, baby."

"Y-Yoi—" Your words get stuck in your throat as he 'accidentally' brushes his lips against your heat. Another dark glint flashes across his eyes and he grins.

You pick up the call and clear your throat, but your free hand wanders to your stepbrother's head, giving him the slightest nudge so that his nose brushes against your slick heat.

"Hi babe, how is everything?" You're trying so hard to level your voice.

"Just landed," Sae replies. There are muffled voices in the background, which you assume are his bodyguards and paparazzi. After some awkward shuffling, he asks, "Are you at the property right now?"

"Yeah," You continue to tug at Isagi's hair, suppressing a moan when he flicks his tongue a bit too hard over your sensitive nub. "It's spacious and has a nice backyard, I—I think you'll like it." You're beginning to pant, almost whining, under your stepbrother's touch. 

"Mhm, send over pictures when you can. Is Isagi with you right now?"

You nearly choke out a sob as his fingers begin to edge their way inside. "Y-Yes!" You sputter out, launching forward as your knees begin to grow weak.

"Hey, are you okay?"

You can't stop the twitching and bucking of your legs. Isagi notices and wraps a free arm around the back of your legs, keeping you upright and pressed against his face. "I-I'm fine, why?" You breathe out.

"You sound like you're sick." Sae is concerned. Concerned for your well-being while you are currently getting fingered by your stepbrother. 

You almost cry when you feel Isagi’s fingers slip out of your sloppy folds. He gets up from his knees, gripping your waist as you stumble forward from the loss in pleasure, and grabs a hold of your phone. As if he's playing a game, Isagi holds up a finger to his lips, silently asking you to keep quiet. It’s almost scary how fast you see him transition from being an absolute monster to back to being your loving stepbrother all in a second. 

Even with his mouth covered in your slick, he clears his throat and speaks with confidence to Sae. "She's feeling a bit down now but I'll drive her back once we're done."

"Is that so?" Sae lets out a heavy sigh. "Thanks, Isagi. I should be back before dinner so keep me updated."

"Anytime, we'll see you later!" Isagi grins over the line before twisting his head down at you. "Sis, do you have anything else to say?" There is it. That look again. His smile sends shivers down your legs as he presses the device to your ear, rubbing it firmly against the side of your face. 

You can't find the power within you to break free from Isagi's taunting gaze. The way his lips grow wider as fear washes over yours makes you only fall for his touch just more. It's almost addicting as much as it's wrong.

"I love you, Sae." You force out the words and your stepbrother has the audacity to laugh.

Thankfully, Sae doesn't hear it. "I love you too. I'll talk to you guys later." And the line drops.

Isagi doesn't give you time to recollect your thoughts as he plunges his fingers back into your warmth. Your body staggers under him, hips matching his feverous rhythm, throwing the last of your morals out the window.

"Oh my god—!"

"You love him, yeah?" He hums in the crook of your neck and presses his hardened length against your plush thighs. "Love him more than me?" Isagi coos.

You throw your head into his chest, eyes shut tight, and inhale his stimulating scent. "I love him, y-yes I do...!" You fumble over the words and make a mournful sound.

"Is that so? Well, it doesn't matter either way—" Isagi drags you easily in his arms to the bedroom and positions himself behind you while facing the full-body mirror by the closet. "—because you're going to be screaming out my name." He pulls down your dress straps and starts leaving hungry, sloppy kisses across your neck and shoulder blades.

A shaky breath escapes your lips and you shut your eyes, tilting your head to the side, allowing him even more access. "Yoi..."

"Look at yourself, sis." His sudden sharp tone makes your eyes shoot up. His sweatpants fall down around his thighs and you see him stroking his thick length in the mirror. Isagi presses it against your increasingly wet folds, groaning from how easily your body accepts him, and gives your ass a harsh slap. "Watch how I fuck you."

You can barely recognize yourself in the mirror. Lipstick smeared, tears pooling at your eyes from a mixture of pleasure and guilt, dress straps slipping off your flushed shoulders, and the numerous amounts of hickeys from your stepbrother marred against your skin. And you still have that damn wedding ring on.

Isagi sucks his teeth in as he watches your chest rise and fall when he slowly enters you. The feeling is different compared to Sae's. 

Your stepbrother's cock is thicker and angled more to the right, hitting and stretching out spots that you didn't know existed. Once you bottom him out, Isagi pulls back his hips before snapping them back into place. Just one thrust from him is enough to knock the air out of you. He keeps repeating the motion until you're a writhing mess and a puddle from your heat collects onto the hardwood floor.

"A-Ah—w-wait fuckfuckfuck...!"

Isagi snatches your face in his hand and pulls you up against his chest, making his cock nest deeper into your velvety walls. "Visit me often, yeah? It's not fair that he gets to fuck this pretty pussy every day."

You let out a muffled moan when Isagi collides his lips against yours, his tongue immediately seeking refuge in your mouth. Everything feels so hazy, so intense, nothing like this reminds you of how sweet and gentle Isagi usually treats you.

"Baby," He breathes, relocating his hand on your face to your neck, he gives it a tender squeeze. "I'm better, aren't I?" Isagi lets out a whine when he feels your insides tightening up around him. 

Your eyes are glossed over, drool seeping out from the edge of your mouth as you mumble, "I—I don’t know… I’m—aaah…”

"Huh? What was that?" He pulls back, keeping the tip in, and chuckles when he watches your face twist in disappointment at the loss of feeling. "Say it and I'll give you what you want."

Isagi watches your reflection, paying close attention to the way your lips quiver at your next words. It's almost as if he's getting off at seeing your internal conflict with tears sticking hot against your lashes. Finally, you give in. "Y-You're better, Yoichi... you fill me up more than Sae..."

His eyes widen with glee. "That's what I fucking thought." Within seconds, he adjusts his grip on your hips and snaps back into your puffy folds. "If he ever makes you cry, you know your big brother is going to take care of you, right? No one can take care of you like I can."

You catch your breath when his toned biceps lift you in his arms. The second your back meets the mattress, his length stretches your hot entrance again. 

"Shit, it's like you're made for me," Your legs hang limp over his shoulders as he presses deeper. "You take me in so good."

You pant uncontrollably under him, wanting to start sentences but being unable to finish as his thrusts and the lewd wet sounds from your heat bounce off the walls. You can tell by the dark look in Isagi's eyes that he relishes in the feeling of making you feel overwhelmed and stimulated. Every time when you call out his name, when your moans are forced out by his animalistic thrusts, he clenches his grip harder around you. 

"Get on your knees, baby," Isagi coos and he lets out a dark chuckle when you obediently nod.

You struggle to get on all fours, lower body shaken to its core from the intense raw pleasure. You’re taken aback when you see the sheer amount of sweat and other bodily fluids that stain the mattress sheets beneath you. While you're brain is trying to process how on earth you guys are going to clean this up, Isagi has taken hostage your hips again, lifts your dress up, and is already repositioning himself from behind. With a swift swipe of his tip, he claims his territory once again. 

"Fuck," He hisses, watching the plump of your ass jiggle at every thrust he makes. His other hand twists underneath you, digits finding their home on your clit. "You make the sweetest sounds, you know that?" 

A familiar coil builds in your stomach. A feeling that has brought you and Sae closer dozens of times before. Only, this time, you feel yourself about to come undone by the hands of a different man. As his fingers work their final motion around your throbbing clit, your vision turns foggy, and your body slumps onto the mattress as your orgasm washes over you. Isagi groans as your walls fluctuate and squeeze desperately around his length, sending him close to his own ending. 

His fingers dig deep into the flesh of your ass, leaving half-crescent moons, as he pumps streaks of white inside and pulls out immediately, allowing some to finish dribbling out on your back. The sight of you spasming with the combination of both your and his fluids spewing out causes him to moan in delight.

"Once a month, right?" He repeats your earlier promise, hot breath ticking your wet skin. When he realizes that you're too dumb-fucked to respond back, he reaches over and attempts to wipe the sweat collecting on your face. His normal bright smile comes back and it's like nothing has changed. "Let's get ready to meet up with Sae."

There's a heavy shift in the air when dinner arrives. 

Isagi had graciously offered his hoodie to cover up the hickeys, knowing damn well that your husband is going to see them regardless when you return to your shared apartment. Still, Isagi believes he's still doing his due diligence as a good stepbrother.

You're sitting across from Sae and have been avoiding both males' gazes throughout the evening. From the second you sat down, to the moment Sae kissed your cheek, it felt so hard to breathe. You're not sure if Isagi is helping or making the situation worse by rubbing his hand back and forth on your thigh. 

It's almost an hour into dinner and you've only taken three bites and are on your third glass of wine. Being the attentive husband he is, Sae picks up on your uneasiness and sets down his fork.

"Everything alright?" Sae eyes the two of you across the table.

"Yeah," Isagi speaks for you and curls an arm around your shoulder. "She's just feeling under the weather, remember?" 

You're too overwhelmed by everything going on, so you lean into his touch, hands gripping your thighs in the process like you're trying to crush something, knuckles white and fingertips bruising. 

You hate how going back to your husband's arms after this, talking about your future together, and potentially starting a family—all of it seems like it's the most daunting feeling in the world.

KINKTOBER TAGLIST (PART I)

@milkistoshi @mareonyan @saenora @blissblossom @wowonamo

[iamirish]

"Promise?" Joost Klein x fem!reader

A/n: okay I know I said I was going to be writing part two of the other story but I got sidetracked and wrote this instead. Don't worry, there will still be a part 2 of the other one some time this week though!! Also I didn't properly proof read this so sorry if its shit 😭 (also schat means like babe in Dutch)

Context: Just for this specific story Joost is 22 and your 21. This is like when he had that black and white clown makeup on and he looked so good 😻

Warnings: kissing, cursing and nothing else!!

I pulled up to the sketchy looking building with my car packed full of makeup supplies. I was hired to do some performers makeup, apparently he's quite big but they didn't tell me his name. I went over to the back door I was instructed to go to in the message they sent me, and knocked on it. A small women opened the door. She was holding a clipboard and seemed quite tense. I gave her a small smile as I said "Hi! Um I'm here for makeup?" She looked at me and then in a monotone voice said "yeah okay, go down that corridor, second door on the left". Even though I thought she was rude I nodded and thanked her before setting off down the hallway. When I reached the door I tapped on it again and said "makeup!". I waited for a moment before I heard a deep voice with a Dutch accent shout "come in!".

I walked in and as soon as I saw him I froze. It was my ex boyfriend from high school, Joost. I should've known as soon as I heard that voice. He was looking down at his phone, sitting in the makeup chair when he turned to look at me. A smirk spread across his face as he said in a snarky tone "Well look at who it is. Did you miss me y/n. Its only been hmmm let's see...5 years since we last met". I rolled my eyes before saying "Oh get over yourself already, you're just as cocky and arrogant as you were back then I see". I wanted nothing more than to just walk out of there and leave, but I really needed this money right now.

As he sat in the chair I began to paint his face completely white. It was awkward, and I felt a need to break the silence so I said in a low voice "so, after all these years your dream of being a music artist really came true, huh?". He laughed softly a little before he shrugged and said "I guess so.....". He then jokingly said in a stupid, cocky voice "I'm just too cool and famous to talk to you now". As he joked, he quickly turned his head away and held his hand up. When he pulled up his hand he accidentally hit the makeup sponge covered in white face paint and it smudged across my cheek and on the bottom corner of my lips. He looked at me and then we both burst out laughing.

He then turned to look at me as I sat close and directly in front of him. He studied my face a bit more intently before lifting up my chin with his fingers and wiping the paint off my lips with his thumb. As he just about finished wiping it off he said "and...there..its gone now". I turned away as I felt my cheeks flush red with embarrassment before I turned back to him and quietly said "thanks....".

I thought it was strange. I had only remembered Joost as this arrogant douche bag, but I forgot that in small intimate moments he could be so sweet. Joost and I had dated for just over a year in high school. I had come to The Netherlands as an exchange student and I immediately took to the cute blond guy in the year above me. Sure he was a dickhead sometimes, but he really was just a sweetheart deep down. I broke up with him after an argument we had over something so stupid I can't even remember now. The next week I moved back to my home country and we never spoke again. Even though the relationship didn't last that long, I always thought of Joost and it seems that he thought of me too after all those years.

After I finished his white facepaint, I began to do the black paint around his eyes. I tried to do the details but I just couldn't get it right in this position. I then instructed him to go and sit on the sofa and lean his head back as I kneeled on the cushion beside him. I still just couldn't get it right. I kept awkwardly leaning over him trying to get it right before he got fed up and said in a cocky tone with a smirk "Oh come on, don't be shy sweetheart, just sit on my lap. It's nothing you haven't done before". I rolled my eyes and reluctantly gave in as I said "fine" in a frustrated tone. I put one knee either side of his legs as I pulled his chin down and finally got the details of the eye makeup right. He chuckled a little to himself as I held his chin and finished up the final parts of the look. As I had a focused look on my face I said to him "what's so funny?". He grinned as he opened his eyes to look at me and said "You're acting as if you aren't enjoying this right now schat". I blushed brightly again. I hated how well he knew me. I said in a small, annoyed voice "Oh shut up....".

When I had finally finished I dabbed his face one more time before leaning back to admire my work. I then said to him "okay your all done! Youre on stage in like 15 minutes now anyway". He thanked me before I began to get up off his lap. I then felt his hand grab my waist as he said in a desperate almost pleading tone "wait....please just stay for another minute....". I tried to leave but I just couldn't resist those puppy eyes he gave me. I then locked eyes with him as I said "okay...I'll wait..". Tension lingered in the air for a moment before I thought to myself "fuck it". I then cupped his face with one hand as I leaned in a softly yet passionately kissed him. My other hand gently tugged on the back of his hair as he had a comforting grip on my waist. After a few moments I pulled away and took a breath. We both looked at eachother before laughing. Neither of us could never be serious. I then sighed and said "okay you've really got to go now Joost". He groaned before softly saying "fine...but just promise me one thing. Please don't leave again. I thought about you everyday for those years you were gone. I can't lose you again....". I smiled gently at him before saying in a gentle tone "okay...I promise...". I kissed him on the cheek one last time before signalling to him that he had to go. As he got up to leave I noticed that my red lipstick had left stains on his lips and cheek. "Shit! Do you want me to quickly fix it?" I nervously asked. He laughed as he smirked at me and said "nah I like it".

A/n: omg this is probably the longest one I've written yet wow. Also if anyone wants to be tagged in part two of the other story when I write it lmk!! 🫶

[eightyonekilograms]

Absolute clown car of a country

[newtonsheffield]

More auction house content please, really love the short little snippets so far…

I really want to write this as a full fic tbh.

Imagine Anthony blinking at Kate’s sensible Volkswagen after she’s said she’ll drive them to his country house for the weekend, the keys to his Ferrari still in his hand.

“I- Kate, please be serious.” Anthony scoffed, “We’ll take my car.”

“We can’t.” Kate tutted, “Where will Newton sit?”

Anthony looked down at the portly dog sat on the pavement wearing a sweater, looking up at him with disdain with a teddy bear held in his mouth.

“Right! Let’s get in this death trap then I suppose!”

His entire family laughs at him, when he unfolds from the front of a VW polo and come Monday afternoon her assistant is loitering in the doorway of her office.

“Ah, there’s a man here.”

Kate raised her eyebrows, “Does he have… a painting?”

“He wants to know where you want your car?”

Kate blinked. “My car? Is it…? An option to leave it where I parked it?”

Her Assistant shrugged, “He says he has a Range Rover for you?”

Kate leapt from her seat, making her way into the main part of the office, “A what?!”

She can hardly believe what she’s looking at. Parked outside, the sleek black paint shining in the sun while the sales associate explained all the features to her.

As soon as he left Kate was on the phone.

“Ah, darling. Did you get my gift? Or is this…? A sexy call? Is it both?”

Kate rolled her eyes, “You’re in trouble.”

“Am I? Now I don’t have to unfold myself from your car like a clown and the little beastie can come to Aubrey with us.”

“You spent £150000, to avoid your brothers teasing you?”

“They’re very mean, Kate.” Anthony said primly, “And it has heated seats. You can warm your takeaway with that on the way home.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And yet: we’re in a committed relationship that you have no plans to end. So who’s really the stupid one?”

“I think it’s the man who spent £150000 in the hopes of getting a blow job.”

She heard the catch in his breath, “And um… just out of curiosity: How close am I to that?”

“Bye, Babe.”

“No! Come back!”

[chaoticace2005]

You guys asked for it…

Why Lilith might have left Lucifer:

1. She lost interest. Simple at that. 10,000 years of the same routine…

2. She found out where Eve was and ran to her long lost love.

3. A deal was made with Alastor and she had to flee for her nefarious plans.

4a. Lucifer was bad in bed.

4b. He wouldn’t let her take off his hat while having sex.

5. Lucifer was good in bed and she was getting addicted, so for her own sake she left.

6. She had to get milk.

7. She took a look at hell after all her years of working, saw how fucked up humans are and said “nah.”

8. Donald Trump became president so she fled the country but forgot to take her family with her.

9. She could no longer deal with Lucifer’s ~autistic swag~

10. She got a coupon for an expense-paid trip to the Bahamas.

11. Lucifer wasn’t doing the DAMN DISHES.

12. Lucifer kept asking her to “quack” in bed.

13. There weren’t any good marriage counselors in hell. So she read drama books to fix her marriage and thought this was the best solution.

14. Lucifer got a sleep apnea machine and she couldn’t handle it anymore.

15. She bonked her head and completely forgot who she was. That’s why she scowls when Lute says “Lilith” at the end- because she has no idea who “Lilith” is.

16. Seven years ago Alastor killed Lilith. To cover his tracks he put on a wig and visibly left the cast as “her.”

17. SOMEBODY wasn’t putting the damn seat down. Do you think they have to deal with this in Heaven?

18. There was a silent uprising and assassination plot. She dealt with it all while Charlie and Lucifer remained oblivious, but is now being hunted.

19. Faked her death. Lucifer is somehow unaware that his wife even “died.”

20. Niffty blackmailed her into leaving.

21. They ran out of blond dye at the Hellmart and she couldn’t handle being the only one in the family without blond hair.

22. She felt the need to leave her family, build a luxurious pirate ship, hire random pirates, and sail the seas until she had a homoerotic relationship with a competing pirate and retired.

23. She too borrowed 50 grand from loan sharks, stole a car, and crashed it into a loan shark’s girlfriend (but that bitch had it coming!)

24. She went down in an airplane.

25. Fried getting suntanned.

26. Fell in a cement mixer full of quicksand.

27. Her feather allergy kept getting worse and she had to leave for her health.

28. Lucifer kept saying he was “magic in bed” and then would do magic tricks despite being a LITERAL ANGEL.

29. Susan.

30. Committed tax fraud and had to flee the country.

31. She was going to get bottom surgery after Lucifer’s top surgery and is still recovering. (Hell doctors SUCK okay??)

32. Lucifer wouldn’t admit that water is wet.

33. Lucifer was putting ketchup on his pancakes.

34. Lucifer wasn’t vibing with her BFF-girlboss-malewife-bestie Alastor. She couldn’t deal with the ~drama~

35. He wouldn’t stop talking about his Fantasy Sports team.

36. Needed to find some artistic inspiration because the whole “I’m in hell” thing is SO overdone.

37. Not a fan of the circus or clowns.

38. Mental health break. She’ll come back when she’s ready. Sometimes it takes a while.

39. She was KIDNAPPED.

40. Lilith is dead. That’s not Lilith. That’s a shadow version of Lilith made by Alastor who works for her killer (Eve?) That’s why she wears sunglasses. So we can’t see her eyes and the empty void behind them.

[triviallytrue]

If I'm reading this right, Biden and the Dems wrote a horrific immigration bill that gives the GOP everything they want and the GOP is killing it because they're too scared of giving Biden a W. Clown car country

[britishraptor]

Gonna kick the hornets nest here, but the file from the most recent episode of The Magnus Protocol was incredibly underwhelming. It didn’t take into account at all anything that actually makes snakes scary, little to no foreshadowing, and basically attempted to jumpscare the audience with a reveal that reads more like a parody of a horror story than an actual one.

I might look like an idiot or a fool when everything all strings together later than the line, but I’m questioning so much about this episode.

Parasites are scary. Worms, and insects and mold and rot. Decay, possession. Spiders are scary because they’re hard to see, hard to pinpoint and they move fast, plus the connections with webs related to control, and manipulation. So yeah, a worm lady, sure, a person filled with spiderwebs, also sure. But the only connection between snakes and parasitism could be a joke about ‘shedding your skin’ or how disturbing that one scene in Harry Potter was.

Snakes are scary for two reasons:

1) the same reason bears and tigers all that are scary. Hunt style being hurt, and killed, and eaten. Simple.

B) uncanny valley reasons. Snakes don’t blink. They don’t have facial expressions. The way they move and eat and exist is totally different from humans and mammals. They’re often described as alien and cold.

My questions:

a) why rodent control? why was he even actually brought in? His walls are FULL OF SNAKES. It wouldn’t have lasted five minutes. It doesn’t make any sense even if you know he was concerned about parasites. Snakes don’t give a shit about other snakes. To call someone a snake is to literally call them callous and prone to betrayal. A snake eats the rodent, so you kill the snake. Plus a snake store would have access to medications to kill mites and deal with snake illness? Why call the guy at all?

b) the foreshadowing on the owner is terrible. You could have mentioned his skin needed moisturising. That it seemed dry, flaky. Scaly. But just. A red rash? A rash? Are you saying being full of snakes is an infectious disease? That’s what he said at the end, right? That his throat itches. It was swelling. You can just?? Grow your own snakes?? Is that the implication?

No uncanny valley mention on the owner either at all. He didn’t move weird, being full of snakes? Didn’t sway or limp as he walked, didn’t move sluggishly? Bad hearing, didn’t know what to do with his hands? No? Just a short tempered customer. Okay.

c) You lost me at the thousands of snakes. THOUSANDS? What is this, a clown car? A snake clown car in some random guys skin, who explodes because he was mad a customer walked out.

Look, I’m Australian. And when I ask my friends ‘hey, how big do you normally picture a snake being?’ we picture snakes about 1.5m long. Dinner table length is pretty common for all of our common brown, tiger snakes, red bellies, and even longer for our common carpet pythons. But even if I adjust to like, other countries’ grass snakes, thousands?

The throwaway line at the end was plot relevant I’m sure, but I’m all around confused, and totally not even a little bit scared.

The only praise I have is that the description of the crickets was very creepy, and I loved the visual of them moving around like a shuddering wave of pixels on a screen, only really perceived by their screaming.

But yeah. The setup, the foreshadowing, the coherent theming and consistency all just fell totally flat for me. The only thing I learnt was that this guy applied to the institute and was rejected, and that snakes can’t do dishes.

[roseglazedlens]

Hi Rose 🤍 My baby fever is off the charts rn!!! So can I get a hc of any of the RE characters as a baby/toddler in a daycare pls?

Ps: Ik I said any but Chris fs was a FAT baby and Leon was a mama’s boy (thinking about that one audio rn and im sobbing 🥹)

⦑ 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐄𝐯𝐢𝐥 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐚𝐬 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐃𝐚𝐲𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞 ⦒

characters: leon s. kennedy, ashley graham, ethan winters, ada wong, chris redfield, claire redfield, carlos oliveira a/n: thank you maya for requesting bby!! my queen!!! also look at me getting too into this, i love these characters so so much! check out re character's reaction & their s/o's dog ! « masterlist┇reblogs appreciated! »

LEON S. KENNEDY

You are right! He is a mama's boy!!

On his first few weeks of daycare, Leon would cry the longest every time he's been dropped off.

Has a hard time adjusting to daycare, but gets used to it after making a few friends (notably chris & luis)!

He is always telling his friends and teachers in daycare about how his mama did this... mama did that... Leon is super proud of her.

Also Leon's the kind of kid who plays with cars, crashes them together and starts clapping (Not much different from the present)

ASHLEY GRAHAM

Teacher's pet just because she's always respectful, and sharing toys with her classmates.

Oftentimes, kids take advantage of that and take her toys.

Because of that, I think she's often neglected by her teachers since the other troublemaker kids need more attention, so to speak.

She would be friends with Claire as Claire would not hesitate to snitch on other kid's bad behaviour to the teacher.

Ashley loves little Sylvanian Families and play-doh - I see this developing into a slime making hobby as an adult!

ETHAN WINTERS

I'm getting the quiet, nerdy kid vibe for Ethan.

Toddler Ethan loves to collect trading cards, he doesn't necessarily know how to play the game, he just likes the glossy look of them.

I feel like he'll have trouble making friends in class because they don't understand what the cards mean to him.

Poor kid just wants someone to talk about Pokemon with.

Gets very excited about dinosaurs and will play the game "Who can name the most dinosaurs?" knowing he'll always win.

ADA WONG

Don't mess with Ada, or she'll have you regret it.

Even as a toddler, she would always get her way. Always be the first on swings.

Ada, even as a kid, enjoys her solitude and hates for that to be broken. She enjoys playing LEGO uninterrupted.

I can see her hating loud kids like Chris (And that's totally not because Chris trampled her LEGO town one time and she'd held that grudge for life)

Younger Ada teaches the other kids bad words, but somehow she is never caught, and never gotten in trouble.

CHRIS REDFIELD

Fat baby (he's just built this way)

'Accidentally' steals Claire's NERF guns, and feigns ignorance when he's confronted.

Big troublemaker at daycare. Teachers are always chasing him down but toddler Chris runs really fast.

100% Captain America enthusiast. He admires the act of serving his country, and that lead him to choose a career in military.

NERFs guns for life - I see him messing around and shooting the dart at other kids (especially Claire, usually to get back at her for snitching on him to mum)

CLAIRE REDFIELD

Younger Claire, who also inherited the Redfield attitude, takes no shit from anyone.

If Chris shoves her, Claire would shove back. And that may have resulted in a lot of sibling fights.

Strong believer of justice - Will pick fights with anyone, even big kids and adults, if she sees injustice.

Brutally honest kid - when someone asks for a compliment, she would say "That shirt makes you look fat" without batting an eye.

Alike Chris, she loves NERF guns (they often like the same guns, so it almost always turns into a brawl at the toy section)

CARLOS OLIVEIRA

Carlos, is the number one reason of all teacher's migraines in his daycare.

He is the class clown, so anything he says gets a reaction from the other kids in class (often disrupting them)

So the moment Carlos speaks (he is still focusing on whatever he's doing), the class erupts in laughter.

Toddler Carlos is the kid who mashes the music button on a toy repeatedly. A cheeky smile on his face, very entertained by it.

Also I see toddler Carlos on the trampoline a lot, often trying to jump as high as he can. Even though he is most definitely too young to be on the trampoline.

thanks for reading! come check out my other works. —yours truly, rose. tags: @valsthea @sporeghost @httpsuguru @emilzke @daydreamrot @navstuffs @custard0nut @ovaryacted © roseglazedlens — please do not repost, plagiarise, or feed to ai.

[smileydk]

Ace of Spades

Pairing: Criminal!Seonghwa x PoliceCaptain!Reader

Summary: Kim Jiwoo, a rookie Police Captain, is handed a case about “Ace of Spades”. Park Seonghwa. He’s a wanted criminal in the whole country and now it's Jiwoo's task to bring him in, but it doesn't go as planned. Instead she realizes how ridicolously good looking the dangerous man is. And she can't see how one man could possibly be that dangerous, or terrifying.

cw/tw: Guns, violence, harsh language, sexual jokes, might be more

Not proof read

- Ace of Spades: It is a symbol of power, authority and also death

As Jiwoo pulled up to the town square and spotted the man. He was clad in a black suit accented with gold details. He almost looked like a pirate, except the clown make up and the mad-man smile on his red lips.

Jiwoo got out of the car, sighing to herself as the other cop cars had left before they could even reach the town square. ''Greatest police force in the country they said''

She was mumbling to himself abou her force bing wusses as she approached the man with caution in her steps. She was sure he knew she was there.

He did.

Seonghwa cracked his neck loudly before he turned towards the woman. His mad smile grew even wider as he spotted her. ''Kim Jiwoo! I've heard a lot about you!''

''Only bad I hope'' She mumbled.

''Of course! I'm Park Seonghwa! Or you might know me as the "Ace of Spades". I shall greet you welcome to the force!''

Jiwoo chuckled to herself. At this exact moment the man seemed quite harmless. ''So you're the man the whole country fear? The one who scared of my entire force? I really can't see how a single man could be thar terrifying''

The man kept the psychotic smirk as a deep chuckle left his lips. ''Well, dollface, you'd be surprised what a single man could accomplish with the right motivation''

''Well, might not use the word pleasure, but it is an honor to meet the legendary "Ace of Spades", the one who makes my life a living hell through my superior officer. Now, what have you been up to?''

Seonghwa was intrigued by the woman. He'd never seen someone this confident around him.

He approached the girl and grabbed her jaw in a firm grip. He tilted her head from side to side as if he was inspecting her face. As if she was a porcelain doll covered in a speck of dust.

''Well aren't you a brave one?'' Seonghwa asked out loud as he was done with his inspection.

Jiwoo didn't reply. She didn't know how to reply to that statement. She felt like no matter how she replied she'd piss of the man.

Seonghwa wasn't really expecting an answer. He was mostly talking to himself. Something he did often. Well, mostly the voices in his head, not exactly himself.

''You are absolutely fucking gorgeous, have anyone ever told you that?'' He asked her as he ran his thumb across her cheekbone

''A few disturbing men, why?''

''Well, you should have someone in your life who always tells you how gorgeous you are, especially with a body like that'' He leaned even closer, eyeing her up and down.

Jiwoo was almost convinced he was gonna kiss her right there, at the town square in front of all the scared civlians.

She was surprised when he didn't. Instead he poked his tongue out and licked her face. Out of relfex, which most people would proabbly deem normal, she slapped the man with all the power she had.

''Goddamn'' Seonghwa hissed as he pulled back from the woman. She knew how to slap. ''You are one ballsy woman!''

Jiwoo continued staring into the man's eyes. ''If you let my face go now, and you walk away, I'm not gonna take you in in cuffs''

''And what if I like handcuffs?'' Seonghwa continued smirking. He knew he was kinky, but he wanted it to come out like that.

Jiwoo had come to the conclusion that, if he liked it, he wouldn't mind, and if he didn't like it, he would've walked away. Which is how Seonghwa found himsel sitting in a place he'd never been seated before. The backseat of a cop car with his hands folded neatly in his lap. He'd only driven them before, after stealing them that is.

As they reached the station she pulled him inside, without much struggle, she earned more than look as she led the the country's most wanted criminal into the station.

''Hey!'' Seonghwa snapped. He raised his hand and pointed a knife at each and single one of them. He had gotten out of his cuffs the moment Jiwoo put him in the car. ''If you don't stop staring, I might have to cut up all of you! Wouldn't like to look like the joker, would ya?''

He approached one of them, Wooyoung, and grabbed his jaw in a firm grip. He held the knife close to the right corner of the poor officer's mouth.

Wooyoung, who was known for being a bold man and always talking back, sat frozen in his chair. Jiwoo wasn't even sure he was breathing.

Jiwoo let out a sigh. ''Seonghwa, you're in a police station, the second you hurt someone they can, by law, fire their weapons at you''

Seonghwa's grip on Wooyung's jaw only tightened, but the knife dropped to the floor. ''Fine, but if you repeat this, I promsie you, something will happen''

Jiwoo grabbed his arm and dragged them towards their holding cells. As she shoved him inside the cell, the other perps were quick to press up against the wall in terror.

Seonghwa sat down in the middle of the room, on the floor, and took out a pen. As he took out the pen the perps pressed even harder against the wall.

He was enjoying the terror he put in other people.

''If your plan is to kill someone with that pen, please give it to me now''

''Look, I'm not planning on it, but even if I was planning it, do you really think I'd tell you?''

''Whatever, do you want a paper?''

Seonghwa nodded and smiled, this time not one of his psychotic, demon smiles, but a softer one.

The woman couldn't believe how a man could have such duality. One moment he's threatening to cut you up like the joker, and the other moment he's sitting on the floor, doodling away like a three year old.

As Jiwoo sat back down by her desk Wooyoung approached his superior officer. ''Look, don't get me wrong Jiwoo, respect for getting Seonghwa, but don't you think it's a bit weird he stayed even though he wasn't cuffed. He must have something planned''

''I know, but let's give him the benefit of a doubt. Or just shove the other perps into the hearing rooms if you think he's gonna kill them. They're too dumb to escape, but I don't trust Seonghwa in there as he could escape. Hell, he could escape now as well, despite eight armed officers watching over him''

Wooyoung nodded. ''I guess...'' He sat back down by his desk and threw his legs up on it.

Jiwoo kept her eyes on the holding cell, where Seonghwa was still sitting peacefully, drawing on his paper and twirling the pen between his fingers every now and then.

''How is he the most feared man in Korea?''

48 hours passed, which meant they couldn't hold the man longer without proof or a hearing. And they had no solid proof. All they had were his tag "Ace of Spades" and he would never admit to that on tape.

''Come on Seonghwa, either you help us out here, or you've gotta leave. We have to fill the cell with other perps and they're all terrified of you'' She motioned to the other perps who'd been pressed up against the wall for the past two days.

''What do I have to do for you to give me something? Please~ give me anything!'' Jiwoo whined. She'd given up on her cool after the first 36 hours.

''Make out with me'' He stated simply, not lifting his gaze from his doodling paper.

Jiwoo couldn't believe she was even considering the offer. Making out with the most wanted man for something he might not even tell her afterwards? ''No! Nuh-uh''

''You hesitated, Princess''

And so the days kept passing and Seonghwa would not budge. They had to get creative about where they put the perps.

Some were shoved into the hearing rooms, which didn't work out in the long run since they needed those for... well hearings.

Some were simply cuffed to nearest surface and the guys hoped they wouldn't escape.

Jiwoo was getting tired of having to come up with different ideas of where to keep the perps, so she took it upon herself to throw the man out so their holding cell could be used.

She walked into the holding cell. ''Guys, take the other perps and store them... somewhere. I just need 10 minutes''

Hongjoong nodded and stood up, as well as the rest of the men, and walked over to the cell to escort the perps into different hearing roooms, with each other.

As Jiwoo entered the holding cell she closed and locked it behind her. She sat down opposite of Seonghwa.

''Can you either help us, or just... leave?''

''But if I leave I can't see your pretty face everyday, Princess'' He finally lifted his gaze from his painting.

Jiwoo took a peek at it. Her eyes widened. It was a picture of herself and Seonghwa... doing unthinkable things. ''You've got some talent, but eh... why in the world am I on the picture?''

''You're hot'' Seonghwa replied without stuttering.

Then again, he was probably used to saying anything he wanted and no one batted an eye.

''You're crazy'' Jiwoo mumbled quietly to herself.

The man's head snapped up in almost inhumane pace. ''Crazy you say?'' The psychotic smile was back on his lips. ''Say, I've been called lots of things, but crazy isn't one of them'' He stood up and started pacing as well as insepcting the cell. ''See I'm a bit hurt you call me crazy, Princess. I was starting to like you''

''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, but to be fair, you're wanted for basically everything you can be wanted for''

Seonghwa chuckled. ''Fine, I'll leave, but we'll meet again soon. I can promise you that''

''I doubt it''

Jiwoo was walking home after a long shift. The clock was two in the morning and it was pitch black outside. The sun would be up in a few hours, due to summer time. The only light she was given came from the street lights, which were almost ten meters apart.

She was thanking the weather for being on the warmer side since she was clad in a crop-top and a pair of jeanshorts.

An attire that had made her whole department laugh since she'd never showed up in such clothing. Or to quote Wooyoung "I didn't know you had the ability to look like a female human being"

She wasn't worried. She had her gun on her, and she'd never been scared of the dark. But something was irking her. She didn't like it one bit.

What Seonghwa said to her a month ago, actually got to her.

She wasn't necessarily scared of the man. He had never given her a reason to be scared of him. Well, depends on how you wanna interpreter the whole thing, he had given her several reasons to terrify him, but she always wanted to give people a second chanve, and believe in the good in people.

But she was worried about what he could accomplish, since she had after all heard stories about him.

She stopped as she spotted a silhouette standing under the next lamp.

''The chances of it being Seonghwa is small'' She mumbled to herself.

She didn't know if she wanted to reassure herself or if she was just praying that it wasn't him.

Since the light came from above she couldn't see his face, or any form of detail that could reveal the person's identity.

As she got closer the silhouette started chuckling. Jiwoo cursed herself. She recongized his chuckle.

''Well Princess, didn't I promise we were gonna meet again?'' He stood up straight and walked the last few feet, since Jiwoo was frozen in shock. ''Aren't you happy to see me, Princess?'' He gently grabbed her jaw and tilted it upwards.

''I- uhm... no?'' Jiwoo felt intrigued by him.

''Lie. You know what we do with liars?'' Seonghwa's smirk grew. ''We punish them'' Seonghwa grabbed her arm and pulled her towards a car. ''Scream and someone innocent dies''

Jiwoo cursed herself in her head but allowed the man to pull her towards a random car, which he decided was now his.

What she said previously was out the window. She was starting to grow scared of the man. He was unpredicatble.

Seonghwa stomped on the gas and drove towards his mansion. Yes, mansion.

''We've got an hour to kill, ask me anything. I know you're curious''

''Well... cheesy, but your origin story? Why?''

''Well, I think you know my family. My father Park Baekhyon, asshole for that matter. He's most of the reason. Abusive, alcoholic, manipulative, did as wished because he was rich''

Jiwoo racked in her head for the name Park Baekhyon. She slowly realized who he was. ''You killed your own parents''

''I did. I'm not proud of it. But-''

''How could you kill your own father?'' Jiwoo exclaimed.

''You didn't know him as I did!'' Seonghwa shouted and gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles were turning white. Jiwoo thought he was break it. ''He would rape young boys! He would bring home my friends and he would lure them into his study. Something happened behind those doors and then I would never see my friends again! I only know because he got drunk one evening and bragged about it! And when those boys couldn't satisfy his needs he turned to mom and me!''

Jiwoo's eyes softened. No, it didn't justify the face that he was a murderer or the fact that he murdered his own parents, but him being messed up might have something to do with his messed up childhood.

''I would call the police, but as everyone adored my father and knew nothing about what happened behind closed doors, they would dismiss it as some rich kid around abusing his power, or just just asking for attention! No one ever believed me when I said I was in trouble!''

The car fell silent. The rest of the hour long drive was quiet. Jiwoo was processing everything Seonghwa had told her and Seonghwa was slowly regretting that he told the girl his whole lifestory.

As they reached Seonghwa's mansion Jiwoo's jaw fell open. ''Goddamn''

''Close that pretty mouth of yours'' He tapped her chin and led her inside.

''Look, your sad childhood is, most likely, the root of your hell-like life, and it oesn't excuse your behvaiour, but I get it. No one ever showed you love''

Seonghwa stopped walking and turned around. ''I don't like how you read me like an open book. If you're trying to tell me I've got daddy issues, fuck you. But you're right, no one ever showed me any love and I've been just fine without it! I don't need you, Ms. Police Captain to come around and act all sweet and pretend to give me the love you decided I need''

The woman sighed to herself. She was gonna regret everything she was about to do.

She walked up to the tall man and wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his chest. She thought that despite his cold and rough aura, he needed some love.

Everyone needs love, but especially those who've never received it.

The man froze. He was confused. ''W-w-what are you doing?'' All his hard work at building up walls around himself faltered in a second. This woman did what no one else had ever accomplished.

And he hated it!

''I'm hugging you''

''Why? I don't deserve that- I don't-''

''Everyone deserves love. Everyone needs love. Even the most cold hearted people in the world needs love'' She mumbled and kept her arms wrapped around the man.

Seonghwa didn't move from his frozen state. He had never gottan a hug from anyone. Hell, he'd never even gotten a slap on the back, or heard anyone tell him he did a good job.

As Jiwoo pulled away she smiled. ''Everyone-'' Before Jiwoo could start talking Seonghwa had stormed off into a random room.

He had never showed his feelings, he never had to, so now that the woman managed to get his feelings to spill out, he didn't know what to do.

Jiwoo sighed and started walking through the hallways to find the man.

''Why does one lonely man need 200 bedrooms?'' Jiwoo asked herself as she opened another door.

''Empty''

She opened the last door in the hallway, which was a double door. As she threw the doors opened she was met with the man she was looking for.

He was sitting on the floor, something Jiwoo realized was a habit of his, with a big knife in his hand. He was twirling it between his fingers, occasionally throwing it up in the air and catching it.

As Jiwoo opened the door, said knife came flying towards her head. It stuck to the door, less than an inch from her face, but despite the closeness she didn't flinch.

She simply removed the knife and took a closer look at it. ''Nice knife'' She threw it back to Seonghwa. She walked over to the man and sat down in front of him. ''Look, I know you’re not used to… emotions. So I’m sorry that I just… emotion-vomited on you''

Seonghwa didn’t say anything. He simply raised his gaze and deadpanned the woman.

''I can be your therapist! Tell me all your problems''

Jiwoo knew it was weird for a police officer to be nice to a criminal, it was weird for her to even be this nice to a criminal. But she felt like he needed it.

Seonghwa swiftly raised his knife to Jiwoo’s throat and his gaze was ice cold. ''I don’t care if your job is to make me a better a person, I don’t care if your intention is to make me less of a criminal, or however you want to word it, I won’t tell you shit. Are you gonna get a promotion if you do this?''

Once again she didn’t flinch. She gently laid her hand on Seonghwa’s and lowered it. She carefully took the knife from his hands, all while keeping eye contact with the man.

Seonghwa’s gaze softened as he realized she wasn’t scared of him. She wasn’t gonna let this go anytime soon. No one had ever put in this much effort for anything that was about him.

Jiwoo grabbed his other hand and just held his cold hands in her warm ones.

''Look, I know you’ve never heard this before, and I know it’s weird especially when it’s coming from a Police Captain, but I’m here if you need something''

The man didn’t know what to do.

His heart was thumping loudly in his ears. Her hands holding his gave him a tingling sensation. Her sweet, gentle smile made him wanna smile.

''Why is my heart thumping so hard? And fast? And why does my skin tingle whenever you touch me? And why do I wanna smile when you smile?'' Seonghwa rambled his questions out loud.

Jiwoo chuckled at his ramble. How would such a notorious criminal be so adorable.

''Your heart is thumping hard and fast because you’re excited, or when you’re in love. Your skin is either tingling because you’re in love with me or because your allergic to me, and smiles are infectious''

Seonghwa’s eyes widened as he came to a realization. He was in love with the woman in front of him.

''I’m kidding. I have no idea why all that is happening to you'' Jiwoo smiled.

Deposited the woman joking, he was quite sure he was in love with her.

''I think I like you… more than I’d like to admit''

The woman froze. He couldn’t. It was like a poor version of Romeo and Juliette.

''Well, I don’t know if I can say the same right at this moment-''

''I knew it! No one could ever love me! You lied to me!''

Seonghwa swiftly pulled out a gun and pressed it to Jiwoo’s forehead.

The cold metal pressing against her forehead would turn anyone into a frantic mess, but Jiwoo was surprisingly calm. She trusted him.

Which could be stupid, but she listened to her gut feeling.

It almost annoyed Seonghwa that he couldn’t terrify her. He always put fear in people without even trying! He could walk down the street to get a cup of coffee and people would disappear faster than one could count to three.

But why wasn’t this woman scared of him?

She was more scared of his feelings than she was of a gun, pressed against her forehead by the most notorious criminal Korea’d ever seen.

And why couldn’t he hurt her? He’d never had a problem with killing, torturing, kidnapping and so on.

But this woman, something about this woman made him wanna remove all the evil in the world. He could never hurt her! He wanted to protect her from anything that could possibly be evil.

''I- I- I can’t do it! Why can’t I kill you? I’ve never had a problem with it before! What makes you special? You make me wanna quit the criminal life! You make me wanna remove all the evil in the world! I wanna protect you from anything that could possibly hurt you'' He threw the gun across the room in rage.

Jiwoo smiled. ''You are in love with me, Park Seonghwa. Whether you like it or not ''

''I don’t like it! You don’t like me back!'' Seonghwa exclaimed. He almost looked like a three year old throwing a temper tantrum.

''Look, it might be because I've only just met you, or the fact that you're wanted for basically every single thing you can be wanted for, but if I get to know you, the feelings might change'' She held his, cold, hands in her warm ones.

Jiwoo grabbed his arms and pulled at them. ''Come on, I saw a giant TV in one of your millions of rooms, you've gotta have some kind of games. Let's play''

''For a police Officer your aim is really shitty'' Seonghwa chuckled as he won another match.

''It's a lot easier in real life'' Jiwoo mumbled and threw the controller on the couch. She threw it hard enough for it to bounce, and smack Seonghwa in the face. ''Oh my god, I am so sorry!''

Seonghwa glared at the woman. ''How dare you?''

Jiwoo tried her best to not laugh as Seonghwa glared at her. She couldn't really take him seriously. Why? She had no idea, he was terrifying when he glared at someone.

He grabbed her by the waist and pinned her down to the couch.

''I said I'm sorry'' Jiwoo mumbled as the mood changed within a second. ''What more do you want? Kiss it better? Where does it hurt?'' Jiwoo cooed in a judging way.

''I mean, that would be rather nice, wouldn't it?'' He leaned closer to her with a small smirk on his lips. ''My lips hurt, kiss them better?''

The woman didn't know what came over her, but she leaned forward and pressed her lips to his. Seonghwa smirked as her lips pressed against his.

As they deepened the kiss Seonghwa removed one of his hands to place it on Jiwoo's cheek, but instead he managed to fall off the couch with a small "Ouff"

Jiwoo sat up and looked down at the boy. She chuckled slightly before he grabbed her and pulled him down on top of him. A small "Ouff" left them both again. Jiwoo chuckled as she straddled his waist.

Seonghwa looked at her with adoring eyes. His hands laid on her thighs, on which his thumbs drew small circles. The woman didn't know what to do as he stared at her. She blushed and lowered her gaze, causing him to chuckle.

''Cute'' He mumbled before he allowed his hands to travel up her thighs, past her waist and under the hem of her shirt. Goosebumps grew on her skin as his fingertips did as they wished.

''What is your next plan?'' Jiwoo raised an eyebrow as she looked down at the man. She tried to not blush as he stared at her.

''As I said, you'd be surprised what a single man could accomplish with the right motivation'' He winked and sat up, face less than an inch from hers.

''What's your motivation right now?''

''You''

[angelx1992]

[applesontheground]

quiet coyote ⛓️

CHAPTER ONE take me far from here | AO3

hey, joy ride fans. pspspsps. so, like any other big scary slasher that’s Like This, i immediately developed a crush. one could even say it hit me like a truck (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g-4-gLlF0uw). so, i’m writing about it. rather, i’m planning an entire multi-chapter thing about it and about him... and i’m making it extremely self-indulgent while on the way. this is a bit of a “for myself” project, but you guys are more than welcome to read, too! ♡

SFW | Word Count: 2,367 | Rusty Nail x Female Reader

contains canon typical/incoming cringe 2000s protagonists, dk if this needs a warning but casual misogyny + slut shaming is brought up quite a bit!

continued in making me feel like i’m guilty

🎼: x

Dawn on a motel, the dirt not kicked up and the mirages still fast asleep in the sand. Without neighbors for miles, the evenings were mostly silent lest a group travel through late in the night, coming to an oasis of air conditioning and leg room for a reprieve before heading back out to where they needed to be.

“Why are we out here again?” A boy asked, squinting up at the Sun. “Buttfuck, Nevada… Desert on one side of the road, brothels and shitty motels on the other.” He gestured to the small stop they had stayed, now in the process of being put behind him in the poorly paved parking lot. “What a cool place to spend the one break we get before finals season comes and fucks us over.”

The other guy scoffed, almost offended but still waking up and unable to commit to a strong emotion. “I told you why we were out here. Vegas is like, forty minutes away.”

“No it isn’t,” From the other side of the car, one of the girls in his group shouted over the hood of their car, looking down at a map in her hands. “It’s more like four hours, dipshit. Stop trying to talk us into it.”

Standing with her was another girl, one who was bothered with a hangnail on her hand. The third one was crouched low to the asphalt, watching a beetle to pass the time as they finished checking out, also too groggy to engage with the world just yet.

“Earth to [Y/N], come on. Don’t tell me you were watching a fucking bug while I was giving the directions.”

Looking up, you were taken from your trance by the insect making its way under your car. You sighed as you stood, twinging your expression at one of the guys who had teased and asked, “Well, what else did you want me doing? We were waiting for you guys to go return the room keys and stop talking about Vegas.”

“He wants to go to Vegas,” Natalie muttered under her breath from where she had been fixed to the map. Heather stopped picking at her hand and muttered, “Yeah, no way in Hell I’m sitting in the car for that trip.”

You nodded briefly and shrugged, “I’m sorry the getaway’s been kind of a bust. Sucks when it’s all we got in the Southwest that isn’t balls hot or Mormon country.”

“I’d take Mormon country over sharing the hotel room with these two,” Heather added, making both you and Natalie hide smiles and halfhearted snickers. She then saw Mel approach sheepishly, giving her a look of disbelief.

She scoffed at him, leaning in to meet his lips. “Fine, sharing with Dean. You’re alright.” He sighed in relief to her, genuine in tone, “Great, I’m good with being alright.” He was hugging her around the waist as she hummed another laugh.

As the Sun stopped gracing the yellow hills on the horizon, taking to the sky for another blistering day in the state, you finally did enough soaking in it to start helping throw everyone’s luggage back into the car for another trek, half in the direction of home and half in the direction of wherever looked fascinating.

“Want to find that Clown Museum,” Mel, the other guy that was along for the ride, said to you as he helped you shove a suitcase against the aged carpet in your car’s trunk, “Think it’s closer than anything else worth the time.”

“Nah, son.” Dean then piped up from where he had been tunneled into the backseat, shaking his head at him, “We aren’t fucking with that demon shit.”

“Vegas, the blow and hookers capital of the world, is in Dean’s safe square, “ Mel retorted, standing straighter and shaking his head, “But the supernatural’s where the line is drawn?”

“Ghosts don’t suck my dick.” Dean joked, sure to smack the guy on the back of the head as he walked back towards the hotel room. “I don’t blame them,” You grumbled to yourself, making Mel break into his own laughter and Dean to call back, “What was that, [Y/N]?”

“Don’t worry about it.” You ended the conversation before it even had legs to stand on, giving one more look over the contents of the trunk before slamming its door down on top.

“Hey, why’d you close up?” Dean smacked his hand on the trunk, giving you a befuddled frown from behind square-shaped sunglasses, “There was room for another bag in there.”

“It can sit in the backseat,” Natalie groaned, “Come on, dude. I want to get out of here. It’s [Y/N]’s car, anyways. Maybe we should trust her judgement when she says enough is enough.” You gave her a thoughtful glance as Dean made a jerk-off motion but instead headed for the backseat with the last backpack.

“Where’d you get this, anyways?” Heather asked, “It looks like a classic, nothing like the clunkers that putt around campus.” You turned, admiring the smooth navy blue paint under where you were leaning against the passenger door, “Hand-me-down from an uncle. He heard I was looking for a decent car when leaving for college, so we made some shit happen and sold it to me…partially under the promise that I take care of it, of course.” You crossed your arms, smiling as Natalie complimented, “It’s one of the cleanest cars I’ve ever gotten in with classmates, that’s for sure.”

“I hold myself to my word,” You commented, peeling off when you heard the horn suddenly honk, shattering the pristine silence of the badlands surrounding you and your classmates. Seeing those shades in the windshield, you snapped your fingers and pointed at Dean.

“Aht!” You barked at him, “Out of the front seat, asshole. I told you I’m the only one driving this car.”

“Nice honkers,” He pointed to the wheel while getting out, making Natalie jeer at him as he snickered, “Should let me take it for a spin some time.” He wasn’t even worth the insults, merely rolling your eyes before ushering him out of the way of the open door to the driver’s seat and putting your own sunglasses on.

~

“All I’m saying, [Y/N], is that you should really be more focused on Spring breaking.”

You gave Dean a disinterested glance from the rearview, hands mutely flexing on the wheel in reply. It was all he was getting out of you.

“Oh yeah, enjoy the break in the middle of-“Natalie threw a hand to the windshield, presenting the empty landscape bowled in by orange mountains. You found it rather peaceful, something scenic enough for your taste to appreciate with a flick of your eyebrows, but Mel scoffed in agreement. “Fair, I kind of wish I brought a book or something now.”

“I’m telling you guys; Vegas is our oasis from this honky tonk.” Dean insisted, and Heather groaned, “Not this whole deal again.”

“Hear him out, maybe we can watch him get drunk and catch Syphilis.” Natalie sneered, and you held your breath with straight lips as Dean blew up, “Oh, fuck off, Nat. If anyone knows about STD’s, it’d be the one who blew half the baseball team.” She gave him a ghastly glare from the passenger seat, manicured nails combing the worn leather behind her shoulder.

“Is there something wrong with that?” You asked, and Dean gawked in a mockery at you. “Uhh, maybe. She’s a fucking slut for anyone on campus, sounds pretty wrong to me.”

Mel and Heather sat further back in their seats as Natalie retorted, “Yeah, no. I might like to sleep with athletes, but I don’t take that shit from someone like you.” She turned back around with a sassy thump against the back of her seat, “You and your stupid radio show that feeds off school drama like vultures.”

“The TMZ of college reporting,” You mumbled under your breath, and Dean belted out, “Oh, boo hoo! I still get more clicks than your articles, Walter Schlong-kite. Because all you want to write about is…Oh man, I wish I knew!”

He hung his wrist off the side of your seat, making your entire body press closer to the car door as he asked practically in your ear, “What is this groundbreaking story you’re choosing over hanging out with your friends, anyways?” You wrinkled your nose at him, but slowly replied, “It’s about truck driving.”

Silence overtook you again as he started laughing, giving him one more wary glower through the mirror when he slapped the roof of the car in his charades. Luckily, the turn leading into the lunch stop you were all thinking on was coming up, so you just let it go and turned off the long trail.

You had maybe sat for ten minutes before wanting to get up and get some interviews. You were coyly eyeing the crowd, finding the types that you felt may fit the bill for what you wanted to share in your article. Their conversations, the second they touched the side of a Peterbilt or a Lowboy, made you zero in. It wasn’t a lie: you were doing a story about the truck driving industry. The desert wasn’t a total bust, considering it fell into a good route between big cities. You sometimes had to cross it to and from California, Vegas was right there, and opportunities of the sort.

Still, it wasn’t great company despite keeping an open mind. You knew your friends were all watching in bemusement as you hopped from booth to booth, even coasting the diner’s counter with your notebook in hand and eyes alight. “Hi, I’m a student reporter wanting to get the perspectives from truck drivers. Would you care to give an interview?” The interest wasn’t exactly brimming, let alone willing to shell their two cents. Even the guys you did speak with weren’t much for good quotes. Still, you kept the polite smile on your face, and scribbled down whatever you could for good measure.

“You know, if you weren’t a girl, you would’ve gotten smacked by a few of those guys.” Mel teased as you retreated to the booth, seeing the soda you had ordered sweating harder than you were while running around a diner in midday heat. Sliding back into your seat, you replied, “Why would you say that, Mel?” He seemed lost, and you clarified, “Why do you think these guys are all rough and tumble, that they’d kick the shit out of anyone who looks at them twice?”

He stammered, and Heather put her hand on the top of his and sighed, “[Y/N], you know that we’re just kidding.” You hummed, and still went on, “Well, that’s honestly why I’m writing this. The job’s not all fighting, anger…gross sex in restrooms. Don’t think I’ll be going there unless I have to, though.” Dean snorted, and you once again corrected, “Jesus Christ, I mean I’m not going there in my article. I’m not that interested in the story.”

“It’d be a good one that’d actually get an audience, though,” Dean’s hands fanned up as he swooned, “Truck Stop Restrooms: Just How Many Glory Holes Does It Take?” Natalie covered her mouth, but you rolled your eyes and groaned, “Very classy. You should take that idea for your work, Dean.”

“I think you should be here to have fun over anything else, [Y/N].” Mel suggested, and you gave him a level stare, “Really, you’re not even started on this story and you’re already acting like you’re handcuffed to it.”

“It’s an important idea. I mean, you heard yourself.” You gestured at him, “This sorta job keeps shelves stocked, and all you got to ask about it is which stall I’m going to get blown in, or who’s shanking me afterwards.” Dean scoffed again, “What, like driving in a straight line for nine hours a day is hard? I’d want to kill someone, too.”

You turned to him, finally giving him that sweet reaction in the form of a face to face answer, almost brushing noses with him. “You really think it’s easy?” You looked out the window, seeing a line of parked vehicles almost taller than the building itself as you murmured, “Look at how big their trucks are…How heavy they must be, all that?”

“Well, to you, maybe. You know women and driving don’t mix.” Dean commented. You whipped around, giving him a disgusted sneer before Heather piped up, “Oh, are you really playing that card?”

“What did you expect from the guy who thinks going to Vegas is any indication of getting laid?” Natalie added, throwing a sugar packet at him. You once again swallowed the venom in your mouth, turning to the window again while Mel also sat back, getting a strawful of water and avoiding eye contact with any of the girls at the table.

Smart guy, you mused to yourself.

The rest of lunch went without a hitch, you paid, then walked back out to your car. You took advantage of a couple men eyeing your car as you walked out to speak with them, chat up your vehicle while also getting some interest in your story. Lucky for you, they were both drivers. Heather and Mel did a good job of keeping Dean’s mouth shut, pushing him into the car while you talked on the outside.

One of the men even asked for your info, and you shared the website that your school let you publish on graciously. “Very nice,” He commented, “I’ll be keepin’ an eye out for it, little lady.” Beaming, you replied, “Thanks for the kind words, I really appreciated your perspectives.”

“Look at that, you got some story after all.” Natalie grinned as you got into the car, setting your notebook down at her feet and nodding. “Yep, they knew I had some interest in truck driving.”

“Why? How’d they know? From your car?” Mel asked. You sat back upright in your seat, elbow brushing the cord of the speaking device to a HAM radio that was fastened on the front panel of the car.

You shrugged, and hummed, “Must’ve heard me in the diner, I guess.”