#cmon have some self reflection

[agerebatfam]

every day, i go into the batman tag on tumblr and i'm subjected to the worst comic opinions known to man

[froggibus]

Depressed! Reader x Genji, Hanzo, Zenyatta & Kiriko

Includes: Genji, Hanzo, Zenyatta and Kiriko

Summary: how they would react to their s/o feeling down

CW: mentions of depression, hard times, loss of loved ones? just general case of the blues, lots of hurt/comfort!!

look who is back from the dead lol. ive been super tired lately and haven’t had a lot of time to write but I have time off so ill probably (hopefully?) write more and get some requests done!!

————

Genji

he probably saw the signs way before you told him and was already concerned for you 

but didn’t want to be overbearing and backed off until you finally open up

not only does he understand, he's been there before 

he’s not going to judge you or think you’re weak for it 

he knows what it’s like for your reflection to be unbearable 

but he’ll help you wherever and whenever he can 

and not in that obnoxious way people always try to help

he’s not going to say “I’m sorry” or make you feel like you’re a burden 

he loves you and he’s going to be by your side through thick and thin 

does little things to make your day 

whether it’s stopping by your work and bringing you coffee when he can 

or making sure you get time to yourself when you need it 

he’s there to give it to you 

if you have a really bad episode, he’ll hold you while you cry 

rub your back and make you feel all better 

also if you’re having a really bad day, he’ll drop everything and come to you

he really does have your back 

Hanzo

also recognized the signs long before you told him, probably just didn’t want to pry 

when you tell him he’s SO understanding that you probably cry a little 

he never pries on the subject or pressure you to feel a certain way

it’s all just love and care and sheer admiration for you

focuses less on the little things and more on the important things

like if you’re having a really bad day and you haven’t eaten, he’ll make you soup and crackers 

“you need to eat, y/n.”

or if you haven’t showered in a while, he’ll offer to help you with that

whether that’s by gently nudging you to do it or offering to shower with you

if you have problems sleeping he’ll stay up with you the whole night 

he’s been in your spot and he knows how hard it can be

he knows that even if you don’t feel like it, getting you to do those basic self care things mean infinitely more in the long run

also gets a lot more protective of you after

always triple checking you’re okay with everything and shielding you from anything that would make you feel worse

Zenyatta 

he doesn’t see the signs because he doesn’t know much about human ailments 

but he definitely notices the storm cloud following you around and asks you about it 

even if your first instinct is to close up, you eventually confess to him what’s going on 

he definitely does some research on it after that to try and find out what he can do to help you out

makes you tea and sits down while you talk about your feelings 

he’s super patient (i mean cmon, he’s a monk) and holds your hand every step of the way

definitely recommends some sort of yoga or breathing exercises 

and the worst part is they make you feel slightly better 

takes you for walks with him around the monastery and through the mountains 

tells you stories of different animals and plants as you guys walk

definitely holds your hand while you walk

he really helps you put things into perspective and see the bigger picture 

Kiriko

she might seem happy go lucky but she’s gone through a lot too 

so when you stop going out and doing the things you love, she recognizes it immediately 

cooks dinner for you (or attempts to before ordering takeout) and sits you down to talk to you

she cares about you so much and just wants to make you feel better 

will probably tell you some goofy jokes and offer you some of her secret sugar stash to cheer you up

but if you’re not having any of her silliness and sweets, she’ll pull out her more sensitive side

sits next to you and holds you against her chest and rubs your back

it worked for her as a kid, why wouldn’t it work for you now?

if she’s feeling extra sensitive she’ll talk about all of her struggles growing up with the fox spirit and her disapproving mother

she could talk to you for hours until you fall asleep in her arms 

definitely checks in on you every single day and when she can’t come see you, calls and texts a lot

brings you lots of treats, especially when you’re having a bad day

[dorkicon]

some progress shots of a comic ive been working on for my sequential art class (tired thumbs up) some of u (?eh) may recognize the blue seeker as the oc i posted a while back. this comic is like his...backstory...thing i guess

some color tests and the script for these pages is under the cut...the dialog is a bit different but im too lazy to sort it out at the moment.

1.

1) far out perspective on a warehouse of identical robots. they stretch on in a large horizontal panel, a box full of similar bodies. light leaks into the crowd, illuminating nightlight. he stares upward.

(some kind of narration..?)

2) thin, long panel showing hole in ceiling. the night sky shimmers. a moon glows yellow.

3) nightlight stares up from a crowd of automatons at the sky

4) zoom in on nightlights face. yellow eyes reflect the moon. long thin panel. bg is stars

(hardcoded to kill.) (born to die)

[high priority: eliminate target at cost of self.]

2.

[i never had to learn. i knew everything from the start]

--

[how to assemble my rifle.]

[a fatal crunch under its stock.]

[how to tear the plating from another living machine]

[the squealing snapping of broken bones.]

--

[i was good. good at following orders. i had gone so long without fulfilling my primary assignment that i had, ironically, become useful for my experience.]

3.

[ i was reassigned--a nearly abandoned fuel outpost that no one was really supposed to know about.]

[alongside two others who had outlived their mission, just like myself.]

--

(kid, cmon. everyone has a name.) [redlyne]

(take it easy. they just pulled this one off the lines. give him some time.) [dawnbreaker]

[i didnt have one. i never needed one until now.]

[i tried to think--]

(my name?)

[nightlight.]

--

[i couldnt comprehend it at first. i didnt understand.]

(ext. a run down outpost.)

[

4.

[no one was supposed to know about our outpost.]

--

[we had lulled ourselves into a sort of mundanity. finally, our unremarkable existence had begun to show its advantage.]

--

(chess game pieces are rattled by gunfire, redlyne goes to check door(?))

--

(he is shot down.)

[of course, even the small amount of fuel we were guarding was worth killing over.]

--

[i dont know who killed him who killed ether of them. our side? the other one?]

[deep in my circuts, in the hardcoding of my frame, all i knew was that they were gone.]

[24kmar]

𝐒𝐞𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 (𝐏𝐭.2 𝐨𝐟" 𝐈𝐭 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐀 𝐁𝐚𝐝 𝐈𝐝𝐞𝐚")

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: Toxic!Fem reader x Matt Sturniolo

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: This takes place after the argument matt and y/n had. She finds herself wondering if what she did was right. This then leads to her self reflecting, then one night at an influencer party she went with tara (tara yummy) she sees matt. What happens when she realizes that he just wants to love her.

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: Reader is kind of a bitch 😭 but she redeems herself 🙏🏻, suggestive content, language, ANGST with a happy ending, toxic situationship, reader being in denial about loving matt, jealous matt, drugs(weed), MDNI, let me know if theres more!!

Readers perspective

I sighed as i shut the door to matts place. Why did he have to make this so difficult?. I made it clear this was just fucking when it started, so why now did he feel the need to make it an issue? I mean it was working so why not leave it that way, right? Dont fix whats not broken.

I didnt understand why he was being so fucking sensitive. 'Fuck this' i thought as i got into my car and drove out of the driveway. I really needed a blunt after this shit.

As i pulled into my driveway my phone buzzed, 'Fuck' i thought as i suspected it was matt. But no, it was... nick?

As i saw his contact appear on my phone, i opened our messages. To which read "Hey y/n/n did something happen between you and matt orrr?". What the actual fuck? "Why?" i texted back to which he replied "cause hes a fucking wreck in his room rn and hes not talking to me or chris" followed by "and his doors locked".

Guilt. Immediate guilt is what i felt when i read that. Did i really do this to him? Nah, couldnt have been me, i mean how much importance could a fuck buddy hold. Not much....right? Some days passed by as i heard nothing from matt.

Was this the end of us? For some reason that thought caused a pang in my chest. But why? "Heartburn or some shit' i thought, quickly dissmissing the thought and shoving it into to the back of my brain.

Tara had texted me begging me to come with her to some influencer party. ' Why not' i thought, god knows i needed it. Any chance at drinking and smoking i got right now i would take. After all thats happend with matt, i desperately need it.

I decided to wear this outfit to the party with boots. As me and tara got off the car as we arrived to the party, i realized how packed the house was. And loud as shit. Im gonna regret coming here.

I got a drink immediately as i got in the house. As tara ventured off into the house, i stayed in a corner desperately wanting to leave. Then some guy, brian, brandon, braydon? Some shit like that, came of to me. "Oh brother' i thought as this fuck boy walked over to me.

"What's good, im braylon." he said while smirking. Ick. I just shrugged looking away, not wanting to interact with this moron. "Cmon baby, dont be like that" he said tugging on my wrist. " yo back the fuck up" i hissed yanking my wrist out of his grasp. "Dont be a fucking bitch about it," he snarled "if you're gonna dress like a slut, dont be suprised when you get treated like one". Oh fuck no. "The fuck you just say to me" i scowled sizing him up. "I said-" he started, but getting cut off by Matt. "Back the fuck up, man." He said pulling me behind him while getting in between me and braylon.

"What? This slut your bitch?" He chuckled. Oh fuck. "Shit is about to go down" i thought as i saw matts jaw tense and his fists clench. "The fuck you just-" matt started as i cut him off. "Drop it matt, hes not fucking worth it" i said through gritted teeth getting nervous. "Yeah listen to your bitch" braylon continued as i sent him a warning glare. Feeling matt stepping closer to braylon, i grabbed him a pulled him back. "Matthew, fucking drop it, now" i said getting infront of him pushing him backwards then turning him around to walk infront of me as i pushed on his back to make him walk. Leading him to a secluded room in the house.

"Look, i know i fucked up with what i said. I shouldnt have done that and i get it if you're still mad at. I shouldnt have put you in that position-" he started. "Matt, im sorry" i cut him off, again. "What?" His brows furrowed.

"I shouldnt have said those awful things to you," i said taking a deep breath as i was about to confess to this kid "i was just fucking terrified at the fact that i may have been catching feelings" i said looking up at him, searching for any emotion.

"I am so fucking sorry-" i got cut of by a kiss. As he pulled away, we both starting laughing like fucking idiots. "You like me" he smiled like a middle school boy who just had his first kiss. "Shut up, i take it back" i laughed, rolling my eyes jokingly.

"Denial is a river in egypt babe" he shrugged. "Oh fuck you" i laughed shoving him.

Its safe to say, we weren't just fuck buddy's anymore. Maybe this wasnt a bad idea.

[ch3rr13zk1n]

Hello! *pulls a dumbass idea out of my ass from last night*

It was a bit of an excuse to draw my favorite character as a girlboss but uh basically uhhhhhhhhh

gosh even if its mostly a text post i don't wanna embarrass myself

Uhhhh

ill just paste an explanation of what shorts wars is just in case one silly goober that doesn't know shorts wars accidentally finds this post

Shorts wars is a arg made by a bunch of dudes that make shorts and was created because of the clone accounts ( get it?? ) that steal their content. Basically when it started there were different bunch of QR codes that popped up on their shorts and when our scanned them they took you to a video where a guy named The Boss in a unpleasant gradient says that if they don't quit making shorts and rotting people's brains then they will get replaced. While a few listened, The rest didn't. And the other stuff happened blah blah blah. Anyways i also gotta say one of the creators was a guy named Danno and uh he makes shorts (obviously i mean this is fucking shorts wars what do you expect??) and he has a mascot character named Riggy who is a blue rabbit with red shorts, green eyes and a very interesting kill count.

and Preston/Clone Riggy is a clone of Riggy (obviously)

anyways time to bring out the other explanation

Why the fuck are they a girl here

well uh when i thought more about what Preston wants and thinks it sorta gave me the vibes of "possibly transgender" idk why it got that way but i sorta stuck to it as a bit of a headcanon

like idk man he's stuck in a body that looks like the guy he despises cmon man (ALSO THE DAMN NAME CHANGE!!)

of course, I have to note for the sake of not getting canceled by a twitter user that i don't view trans people as evil people. It just happened to be that i sorta headcanoned Preston as transgender because it felt that way to me

though what the fuck do i even know about trans people I'm not even trans

Also theres some deep very complex lore revealed in season 2 go watch a Datchia short or smth

ok cool anyways here's an explanation of the au

Ahem

Prrston feels like he doesn't matter n betrays the boss, After that he becomes the new uh boss or smth of the company

Preston also self reflects and realizes "Wait fuck maybe i don't wanna be a dude" and transitions

Why this story in particular?

because history repeats itself

especially when there's a possibility that someone from that time influenced what happened..

thats it ig

RAAA

(If you don't like this post then don't bother to say anything about it. I was already sorta insecure about this post existifnf)

(seriously i know i pulled this AU out of my ass and it might not really fit but idc man its my thing and i made the au)

(Also you're allowed to have your own headcannons i don't mind as long as it doesn't hurt anyone :3)

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Hu tao , Amber and Kujo Sara with an innocent looking s/o when in battle they ace crazy and ruthless like Akechi in persona 5 royal when showing his true personality

Since I can't exactly make a post with 9 characters, I'm just picking the two I can think of something to write

Them with an innocent looking reader that turns out to be a merciless fighter

characters: Kujou Sara / Yelan x gn!reader (separate)

warnings: mentions of blood, although nothing graphic, reader commits some... rather over the top acts of "not exactly being goofy" (I mean, cmon, you can't expect them being the sanest of the bunch when they're compared to goro akechi)

a/n: Idk if you planned on sending me this request the moment I was done with p5r, but I have to applause you for the timeing.

Also, I'm so sorry for those people finding out about akechi not exactly being like he seems through this request, Idk how to hide the spoiler in the ask.

Anyway, hope you enjoy!

Kujou Sara

Sara knew how trouble looked, she had to deal with it on an almost daily basis with that oni running after her, demanding a rematch even though the winner was already clear, but whenever she looked at you, she saw a person that wouldn’t be able to harm a fly. And while she would never dare to say it out loud, looking at you always put her mind at ease, the same way others might have relaxed when seeing a cute dog doing nothing but existing.

So when she heard about how the road you frequently took was being blocked by a couple of thugs, her first instinct was to assemble a group as quickly as possible and try to clear it out before something were to happen to you, only to arrive just in time to watch you beating them into submission and seemingly enjoying every last second of it.

“...y/n?”, Sara couldn’t help but utter your name, completely dumbfounded by what she had just witnessed, only for you to dust off your clothes and turn to her with the same innocent smile you always wore.

“Oh, hey Sara! What are you doing here?”, you asked after noticing the other soldiers who looked just as surprised as their general, all of them having known you for a long enough time to have felt certain of your nature.

“Oh my- Sorry that you have to see me in this state, my clothes are completely dirty… I don’t know if I’ll be able to get the stains out of this- they just had to offer a fight on the one day I decided to dress in my favorite clothes…”, you apologized after following her stare back to your bloodied clothes, letting out a frustrated sigh as you inspected your shirt.

“That’s not- How- D-doesn’t matter. I’m just glad you’re unharmed”, the general’s voice betrayed her shock, only for her to quickly regain her composure.

Seeing you escape unharmed was a huge relief, even if she would be lying if she said what she saw wasn’t at least somewhat worrying… 

…what worried her more however, was that her heart skipped a beat or two while watching you show such strength.

Yelan

Yelan, being Yelan, didn’t need long to find out about your… change in behaviour when embroiled in a fight. After all, she couldn’t call herself an expert at reading people if she couldn’t even figure out someone this close to her.

Luckily for you, she quickly figured out that you going rogue only ever happened when you were attacked and never when you started a fight, causing her to confidently put you into the “no harm for innocent” box.

It also had the added upside of basically having a guard dog with her on every mission who didn’t hesitate for even a second to throw themself at any criminal stupid enough to try and harm her, and sure, while she would have been easily able to handle them herself, Yelan was the last person that would complain about not having to do something tiring.

“That’s enough”, Yelan finally put an end to your ‘advanced method of self-defense’, causing you to immediately get up, leaving the treasure hoarder to solemnly reflect on his decision to threaten you. That was if he was still conscious. “I need him to answer my questions later”, she explained further after seeing you send her a questioning look, her, as usual, mysterious voice refusing to betray any emotions.

As she bent down to inspect the person lying on the floor, you finally managed to calm yourself down, feeling the usual mix of shock and disappointment as you looked down at your knuckles, sighing as you looked for a bit of water to wash them, before making your way back, scooping the criminal up and taking his weapon, which by now laid several feet away from him, in case it could be used as evidence or something of those sorts.

“I know he began it by threatening us, but I can easily handle a dozen of them on my own, so at least try to refrain yourself from going overboard next time. The last thing we need is for word about a mysterious figure beating up people in the middle of night”, she told you off, only for you to nod as you continued to look down, causing Yelan to put on a soft smile.

“Good, now let’s get this done and over with. I have a pair of new dice and you look like just the right person to test them with.”

[moonshynecybin]

top taylor swift songs that were actually written about rosquez?

they are many they are myriad they are legion.... no order and non exhaustive ofc

wouldve couldve shouldve. ouegh ough aough aoueg. ouregh. and i damn sure never would've danced with the devil. at nineteen. and the god's honest truth is that the pain was heaven. i mean JESUS CHRIST dude. songs that make me want 20 mins alone in a room with valentino rossi and a baseball bat.

all to well ten min. i think the longer version is inferior generally but adding the lens of a slightly fucked up age gap pushes this up the list. so many insane rosquez details in this one. i was thinkin on the drive down hes gonna say its love you never called it what it was. (hello.) the idea you had of me, who was she? a never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you. (HELLO?) charmed my dad with self effacing jokes like youre on a late night show. (HELLO!!!) my friend valentino did that to my buddy marc. i was there i SAW IT. my friend @repsol-ariel made gifs.

i bet you think about me. jussssst the right amount of insufferable for them in the bitter post divorce chaos of it all... truly like. vale you fucked UP dude. i think this plays in marc's head for every championship he wins 2016-2019. when you realized im harder to forget than i was to leave. crazy. bananas. fun to think about if youre nasty... i also love indulging the side of marc that is kind of fucking mad at vale lol. my cuntress... this is why we cant have nice things also fits in this category. its the fun parts of divorce: like spite!

forever and always. you ever think about 2015 and how crazy marc probably felt when he realized his whatsapp thread with valentino post ranch visit was all messages from HIM. like truly before that season he said vale is my friend all is good between us :) then in midseason he says its a different relationship not quite a friend one just absolutely white knuckling it. and all this happened with little public indication of off-track conflict. WHAT HAPPENED. anyways did i say something way too honest that made you run and hide? like a scared little boy??

story of us. a fixture of my imaginings. but you held your pride like you shouldve held me. how did tswift know. what did she see. was there a psychic on her staff. did she perhaps have a prophetic dream of some sort.

haunted. YOU AND EYE WALK A FRAGILE LINE I HAVE KNOWN IT ALL THIS TIME.... CMON CMON DONT LEAVE ME LIKE THISSSSSS i thought I had you figured out... something's gone terribly wrong.... you're all I wanted.... hello. is this thing on. like truly maybe the most rosquez of my rosquez songs. this one is THEMMMM to me. its dramatic its tense its yearning its a little PISSED OFF.

back to december. RECONCILIATION ANTHEM. your tanned skin your sweet smile so good to me so right.... GOD. truly like before they reconcile but after vale has turned the corner. wistful regretfulness!! pride swallowing by someone not used to it!!!

cowboy like me: twin flames!!!! FUKC!!!! IM NEVER GONNA LOVE AGAIN!

[gaypolls]

Submission Guidelines/Disclaimers

First, things to keep in mind when you submit:

there is a limit of 12 answers for polls, and on this blog one of those answers will always be 'show results,' to allow for people that the poll doesn't apply to to see without skewing data. so in reality you have a maximum of 11.

there's also an 80-character limit on the options

SO, if you go over those limits, know that I will take it into my own hands to decide which answers to omit and/or how to re-word it to fit the limit.

even otherwise, expect that the wording of your submission may be slightly altered in order to be more inclusive (when it doesn't affect the data), or because i think you missed an option that you probably meant to include, or just to make it sound less clunky. if you have an issue with any changes upon posting, i'm happy to hear you out.

currently there is no wait time, but if things go as expected, soon enough it'll likely be about a 4-5 day wait between the time you submit and the time it gets posted

if your poll is addressing a very small group, don't be surprised or angry when the 'see results' poll is the biggest. that needs to be there to keep data from being skewed by anyone's curiosity.

Base Guidelines For Submitting:

poll must be related to gayness in some way. it doesn't have to be directed exclusively at gay people, but it should center same-gender attraction. if you have a poll in mind to direct specifically at bisexuals, there's @mspecpolls

it CAN be a general LGBT poll, but if it's specific to something that has nothing to do with gay attraction, you're better off submitting to another blog. there's @transgenderpolls for trans stuff and @aspecpolls for ace/aro stuff.

it CAN be directed at a specific type of gay person, such as gay men, lesbians, specifically trans lesbians, nonbinary mlm, gay poc, disabled wlw, etc - literally you can address any specific gay group you want, just make sure to say so.

...this DOES include 'cis gay men/women/people' but tbqh you're gonna have to provide a good reason to be excluding trans people from the poll

in general if you want to explicitly exclude people who have a nonconforming relationship with gender, you better explicitly say so AND have a good reason. otherwise it'll be assumed that all sorts are included and if your options don't reflect that, i will change them or reject the poll.

it CAN relate to sex (i expect many polls here will be), just try to be tasteful about it. like, as long as it sounds like you're trying to collect data rather than arouse people lol

What would make me NOT post a submission:

as mentioned previously, if it's excluding subgroups without a good reason

if it's an opinion poll about the validity of any particular type of gay person. "validity" is a moot topic and i'm not going to encourage it, and in any case i'd like the focus of this blog to be about recording experiences (real, undeniable, forever in stone) rather than opinions (always changing, meaningless)

pride discourse polls, lol

anything that tries to pit issues against each other. no "which intercommunity issue is more important to you? ableism? racism?" like cmon

if it's just way too niche and would make a pointless poll. if a poll is "who's your favorite lgbt character" and then you've got 11 options from different TV shows, you gotta know that most of the ppl who see that poll will NOT have seen ALL those shows, so they'll really just be voting for the show that they know. it's just dumb.

if it's something like "gay people: do you like pineapple on pizza?" or some other question that doesn't actually have anything to do with being gay. if you wanna send something like this, make your case for why it's relevant that the poll is directed at gay people.

if it's some other obviously offensive shit, obviously. no racism or whatnot here.

FAQ:

Who counts as gay?

Like most of these guidelines I'll continue the same sentiment from the trans polls blog: We self-define here. But I will stress answering in good faith and understanding what any given poll is asking and what definitions they're using. If you're, say, nonbinary and bisexual in a way that makes all your attraction gay, or you're gay in a very specific way (like nb4nb), or you call yourself gay bc you're mostly gay but you're technically bisexual, or you're definitely homosexual but don't actually like to call yourself gay, etc, it'll likely just depend on the poll. It's totally up to you to decide if it includes you or not, or you can always ask if you want to be sure.

Though if it's not explicitly stated that the poll excludes transmasc lesbians or transfem gays, or other trans/nonbinary gay people, you should still for sure assume it includes you.

Why isn't there an option for X?/You missed an option.

Sometimes I may genuinely miss an option, but 9 times out of 10 the lack of the option is either due to the poll limits on tumblr, or because it goes against the point of the poll. For example, if the question begins with "If you're in a relationship," then "i'm not in a relationship" isn't going to be an option. If the prerequisite of the poll doesn't apply to you, then what you click is "see results." If it's something a little less concrete, polls will usually include some kind of "other" option anyway.

Can you make more polls for X type of gay person?

*I* make polls based off what I'm personally curious about. If you're curious about something, submit it!

Do you know that some people are gay in very unconventional ways that your polls aren't accounting for?

Yes, I know. When there's room on the poll, I try to be inclusive, but often there's not, and that's really the main thing there. However, I will admit that a secondary reason is that when a poll is addressing exclusively gay people, the fact that they're only attracted to one gender is relevant, regardless of whether or not it would still be gay of them to be attracted to more.

Can you get rid of the 'see results' button? Or can you not include it on this particular poll? I only want X people to respond. This poll is ONLY for X people.

If a poll is on this blog, it's for everyone, questioning and simply curious people included. It's also not going to stop curious people from clicking if there's no 'see results' button. It ensures that the data doesn't get skewed, and gathering data is what polls are for. It doesn't hurt you to see a big see results bar. The data is still there. If the bar does wind up obscuring more significant data, that means the poll was addressing too small of a group to begin with. And that's NOT the end of the world. This blog is far from the only place where you can get information about other gay people's experiences.

[sco07ut]

i’ve got like 20 mins until my bus shows up and i’m bored so, at risk of being mobbed by that specific brand of over-30-cishet-female-mat-baynton-stans, i would like to talk about why i think transfem thomas thorne could actually be a good route for his character growth !

(but it’s below the cut bc it’s long discussion </3)

so obviously being infatuated with alison is an integral part to thomas’ character, aside from being a terrible poet it’s one of his most identifying traits. even in episodes where he’s tried to ‘grow out of it’ (see: s4e2) he’s still back to his original state at the end of the episode (and while this could be chalked up to the fact that you stays how you dies and therefore can’t grow as a person i would like to raise you this: he obviously was not obsessed with alison when he died, therefore i think there’s still some hope for him yet) anyway ! got off track a bit there,

thomas can’t ‘grow out of’ loving alison until he recognises why he loves alison - or perhaps, the idea of alison (now this could lead onto a talk abt why i also think and hc that tom is aromantic but people have covered that before)

let’s backtrack for a moment and review what exactly we know and/or can infer about thomas: he’s unlike the other men we see in the thomas thorne affair, his interests, opinions on romance and accumulated skills aren’t particularly masculine.

he’s very creative (just because he’s bad at it doesn’t mean the drive isn’t there), adores the arts (written word, paintings, songs), he clearly values women for who they are as people (and to a degree, their looks) and bases his affections on that, as opposed to financial gain (squints at francis button), and he clearly hasn’t had any experience when it comes to duels or fights in general and his general ‘layabout’ personality would definitely reflect the fact that rich women in the 1800s had very few responsibilities and obviously weren’t expected to work.

now, all of these aren’t inherently feminine traits, this is obvious, we all know this, i’m not saying that men can’t do these things. kindly don’t take my words out of context, but in the case of a man who lived in the 1800s, they can be seen as pretty feminine. this also isn’t the basis for my argument, i just want to point out a few things before i get into the meat of it !

and slightly less solid reasoning: mat baynton just plays him really fruitily. if you asked me to explain it i don’t think i could, but cmon just look at him

anywa, it’s pretty much an accepted part of the fanbase by now that thomas is bad at recognising what sort of love he’s feeling, and i raise you this: what if the desire he’s feeling for alison isn’t romantic, but is instead, desiring to be her.

(if you’re a lesbian, this is a familiar concept: do i want to date her or be her?)

he could potentially see elements of himself in alison, her own appreciation for art, and maybe even traces of the physical self (slim, white, dark haired? - this could also support the reasons why he was such a strong interest in lucy, who also shares these features, but hasn’t expressed any canon interest in fanny or kitty. mary is a bit of an outlier here but it’s whatever, my hc just has pockets ig). and when we have a great appreciation for someone we can tend to idolise them a little. in thomas’ mind, alison could potentially just be an idealised version of who he wants to be, and in his own confusion when it comes to recognising that fact, he could be mistaking admiration for adoration.

thomas is very clearly an idiot, the entire series is proof of that, and generally unless the facts are laid out right in front of him he doesn’t Get things. when we consider the fact that transgenderism was extremely uncommon and likely incredibly underground, thomas probably doesn’t even know it’s an option outside of the way that literally everyone ponders what it would’ve been like to have been born the opposite sex at least once in their life.

so why do i think this would be an effective way to fix thomas’s weird infatuation with alison?

well, at this point in the series it’s obvious that thomas isn’t just going to stop ‘loving’ her, there needs to be some big wake-up call that makes him stop. however, i feel that the longer ThemThere keep dragging out this part of his character, the harder it’ll be to bounce back from it. right now we’re lucky that thomas is such an avidly romantic character, his obsession with alison is uncomfortable enough as it currently stands but at least we know it’s innocent and emotional. but as the series goes on i just worry that that line could start to blur.

at this point, thomas suddenly moving on from alison seems entirely unfeasible and he would definitely need to have some element of identity rocked to really consider what it is about alison that he’s obsessed with. of course i’d be completely happy if that happened to be the fact that he’s aromantic or aroace but i just think thomas ending up transfem would be an interesting route to go down as an alternative (bc i know some people are very much ride and die when it comes to certain ships. and i’ll admit, i do appreciate a bit of romance between tom n different characters)

i feel like it would also be a better justification for his infatuation with her aside from just ‘too much love’ (thomas thorne=ashfur.?), obviously all obsessions are a bit iffy but i feel like if it came from a place of ‘i really want to be her and don’t know how to express that’ instead of just ‘i want her’ it would be a bit less weird. less creepy i think? and it’s an issue that can actually be worked through and addressed properly with ways of helping thomas transition instead of telling him to simply stop loving alison.

plus it would make all their interactions just so much sweeter !! whenever they talk i’m always on the edge of my seat waiting for thomas to make some weird remark but augh!!!!! they could b girl best friends !!!!

and it’s not like the cast is adverse to playing trans women ! gabriel and ho-tan are such beloved characters, gabriel gets her happy ending and even though ho-tan’s wish is reversed it’s still very much implied that they respect her identity (i do wish they had explored or at least addressed this more though) (however, ho-tan’s femininity is never the subject of a joke like gabriel’s is, so i suppose they even each other out)

anyway my final reason for tom being transfem is that dear god i’m jsut a simple lesbian please please let me have this i won’t ask for anything else i swear

[atla-fandom-confessions]

Incoming vent about how some people talk about azula

I know there has to be some level of collective projection at work here because there is no way this many people think Azula loving mitski is a good headcanon. she would listen to 'i don't smoke' and ridicule the singer. what would Azula listening to strawberry blonde even look like. hello. your best american girl. a lot of the lyrics imo reflect how the singer has a tendency to place herself at the mercy of others in order to earn validation and love. azula.... does not function that way.

Most of the more out there azula headcanons come from tiktok, which ig should be expected, anyone can say anything there and people would mindlessly agree. but like cmon lol. thousands of them? I think a lot of people and I say this with respect just notice smth about themselves reflected in azula and latch onto her from there. to the point where they'll project everything. Like "okay azula probably has mommy issues, and I have mommy issues. now ursa must have favoured zuko because he was the oldest male son (and ursa's an evil boy mom karen) because that's what happened to me!" and see I don't think there's anything wrong with finding comfort in fictional characters and treating them like dolls, I encourage it, but a lot of these people are straight up blurring the lines between fiction and reality; there is no self-awareness and they harass anyone who disagrees with headcanons they believe to be objectively better and true. uh, all love to them though still. I relate to the catharsis of projecting onto a character you really like, but I'm not going to treat that bias like anything besides a bias.

x

[weirdcat1213]

TRIMAX VOLUME ONE LETS GOOOOOO ....i didnt remember this was just 6 chapters...wow

ANYWAY LETS GO

chap 1:

-youre right IT MUST BE TOLD TIL THE END OF TIMES

-1st act of god you say...huh

-yeah who could believe that...thats insane....jaja

-ERIKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

-ik this was written in the 90s but i still dont like eriks saying that, like wth man lina is right

-hey lina :3 missed you

-....i like the new glasses...

-THAT SHOT REFLECTING VAHS YES THATS NICE LETS GO

-"lina cover your eyes :]" oh :c

-"oh is eriks again" :c

-YEAH GRANNY KILL THEM ALL >:D

-"stop. some legend that is" ow :c

-this is all just so sad cuz he rea;;y wanted to retire but he cant :c hes vash the stampede

-ww laughing at fake vash is the best xd

-YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH >:D

-also thats funny cuz yeah vash COULD shoot you in a matter of seconds but thats not what his name means and i really like that :3

chap 2:

-aw lina :c

-imagine going to the store and finding the silliest/most depressed wet cat in the universe ready for adoption

-GIVE ME THE PONY TAIL STAMPEDE GIVE IT TO ME PLS

-ok but how did you (from the perspective of a stranger) figure that knives was a name? knives comes from knife, so if a random person read "knives" wouldn't they think about the utensil first?????

-vash: how do you know so much about this evil entity that is my brother?

ww: hehe, please

-ily lina theyre talking bs

-YEAH >:D FREE BODY GUARD

-...im not ready for stampede eriks i will evaporate

-OH MY GOD THE HAIR

-BRO SHUT UP OFC SHE SAYS SHE DOESNT HAVE THAT POWER WHEN HE KICKED (i think) A FUCKING BULLET IM SO SAD

-....I WILL EVAPORATE IM TELLING YOU

chap 3:

-YEY MERYLS BDAY :D

-go get your vacation queen ily

-keele i will yeet you into the sun

-im never not going to be so fucking mad at HOW EASY THAT WAS BECAUSE THIS BASTARD MENTIONED MERYL LIKE IK YOU MISS YOUR DEAR FRIEND BUT OMG it just makes me sad

-wolfwood :3

-i like that :3 meryl just cant be an office person anymore when shes discover more of her world and people like vash. even if she almost died a lot of times, those were also the times when she was alive.

-YEAH MILLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

chap 4:

-:c

-ok but that panel with mostly shade is scary

-i also want to lift my whole self with my arm :D (she said even though just walking places makes him tired)

-ok but if he trained like that for 150 years no wonder he's the only pro gunman ever

-i like his face on that panel, he's amazed and proud that one of his siblings survived for that long

-vash knows why is it always like that and he understands it but god he wishes so hard for it to just fucking stop and it breaks my little heart

-hes literally just an anime girl saying "hi-mi-tsu :3" (im so sorry i will never say that again but I'm right)

-he remembers people and names after so many fucking years

-also those children probably have never met him but vash gives so much ragdoll energy that they went with it (ok never mind maybe they did but you get the idea)

-cmon brad :c why are you so mean to him :c

-SHUT UP OMG SHUT UP

-all of this just backs up the SA interpretation and although it hurts my feelings....damn its just good writing. like not knowing what your own body can do and people taking advantage of that...makes me fucking sick (in a good and bad way i truly don't know how to explain it)

-BRAD LEAVE HIM THE FUCK ALONE AHHHHHH >:c WHY IS EVERYONE SO MEAN TO HIM

-noooooooooooooooooooooo :c every time someone calls/vash calls himself a monster this user loses 5 years of their life :D

-wolfwood sir your projection will make me want to eat my own arm

-NIGHTOW IM JUST PROCESSING WHAT WW SAID YOU CANT THROW CUTE LITTLE FACES AT ME SIR PLS NOOOO

-"run away run away ">:b" i love him so much

chap 5:

-the chapters cant keep starting with flashbacks I'm gonna start WEEPING

-is geranium tea a thing? maybe vash would like geranium tea

-how dare you, my vash the stampede would never side with the cops, he's acab i know that in my heart

-THAT ONE PANEL MY BELOVED (the onle about looking without his eyes)

-hes so fucking done

-yey conflict time :3 boi oh boi

chap 6:

-oh the title placement on this one :3

-i dont think he will (or that he is) fine after all of this but sure

-such a loud chapter and vash is so quiet

-and again, there all judging, expecting to see what will vash do

-"what do you know about my pain" brb I'm gonna EAT SOME GLASS REAL QUICK

-...

-its like....its like why, why make me suffer like this. its not even heavy stuff its just that everything hurts. his impulse and desire to help everyone, his reason why, how others see him while he tries and sometimes win while other times fails. it all hurts in a weird way.

-...legato why are you inside a fridge (i kinda forgot lol)

WHAT A VOLUME i need to lay down

[if-you-like-pina-colada-s]

Now that I have more background and understanding of the tma entities, let's try this again. Except this time with explinations.

Hetalia characters and which tma entity I think they'd serve/be avatars for:

-----------------------

America: The Eye

He strikes me as the kind of person who doesn't like not knowing things. He has a yearn for knowledge. And I don't think he has ever been appreciative of people talking behind his back (he's a bit- ok more than a bit- insecure). It's really the yearn to 'know' that he has that convinced me.

Canada: The Vast

For a nation whose population is spread out through a lot of land (he's the 2nd largest nation guys cmon), I think it suits him. Though sure, it may be daunting to think about at times, there is a certain serenity he finds to it. I think there is an advantage in that which he can use.

England: The Spiral

I'm certain he wishes he could have more control over his reality. But with the lack of stability and certainty he has experienced in his life as a nation, don't you think he'd appreciate the ability to twist and distort things to his liking (or to the disliking of others).

France: The End

It's so complicated for him. In reality, he just wants the pain to end. To be rid of the chains that hold him down where he is. If he could erase it all and start over he would. But he knows it's a dangerous gamble, knowing everything he loves will be gone too. Oh well, The End comes for all eventually, you live while it lasts.

China: The Web

Wouldn't it be nice? After years of being manipulated and tormented yourself? To take back some control? You are no longer the one trapped in a web of lies. No, now you're the spider, and they are at your mercy. I think China would be sick of being pushed around and used. The dragon is awake and he's looking for his next meal.

Russia: The Dark

The coldness and dampness may feel saddening most of the time. But at least he knows he's not alone here. There always seems to be something there with him. Or at least, he can't see the empty room in front of him.

Japan: The Lonely

For the island nation who isolated himself for years, there is a sense of peace in being alone with yourself. Really gives you time to stare at your reflection and hear your own thoughts in full. It's when you're alone where you truly face yourself for who you really are.

Germany: The Desolation

He couldn't bear losing what he loves, the people he loves. He would rather jump and take the bullet than watch them take it. He's too self-less that way, at least that's what his brother says. Letting himself burnout, letting himself be led down a self-destructive path.

Italy: The Buried

The warmth of the soil surrounding him feels like a warm hug. He doesn't feel so small anymore, he feels safe. He relishes in holding those he loves so tightly, if only they would feel comfortable enough to reciprocate the feeling. All he wants is a warm hug.

[catoptro-pho-bia]

i do see plenty of people complaining at tryst six venom (p. douglas) being homophobic and fetishizing lesbians, that the women seem "written by a man" and how it is an overall disgusting book, and after reading and analysing it a couple times (because i did enjoy it for... various reasons) i want to have my take on it:

• from what i know, penelope is popular for her bullying romance/s, which (exception tsv) are pretty much heterosexual. i don't say it is a healthy manner to approach romance, i say it is a pattern of her writing that didn't show up when she published a wlw book

• regarding homophobia (because Clay used slurs), i want to ask a question before my argument: how do you see homophobic people act? or talk about queer people? Clay, as a characther, for 70% percent of the book, she's fighting with self homophobia, which i am sorry is this a new word for you? how many queer people fight with this on a daily basis? there are plenty issues with the book, if i like it doesn't mean i can't approach the actual issues, but homophobia because there are slurs in the book? CLAY IS HOMOPHOBIC? RAISED IN A HOMOPHOBIC SOCIETY? how do you expect her to think/talk? don't get me started with the enviroment that allowed/pushed her to grow this way in her teenagehood. they were pretty much explained if you actually TAKE YOUR TIME and read through the lines :D

• another thing is fetishising wlw which i do have some words to add. in olivia's pov, the way she process some events/ interactions, tell the story how she feels being fetishised, realising people can take advantage of your sexuality, besides the bullying, and how pretty much it reflects the real world. you think it's disgusting? it happens daily to queer people. is it toxic for a straight (i dont think she is too straight based on how she wrote some scenes but lets not assume peoples sexuality😭) woman to write about it? yes, IF the character would be made to normalise it. liv didn't. 60% of her development is based on her fighting it, being tired of it, running from it, teasing with it, etc. all the stages, call it what you want. it happens daily. it happens irl.

• the "women that seem written by men" argument pissed me off the most, because in media, from which i've seen, often the lesbian couples are made from one girly/femme girl and the other is kinda masculine/butch or stem which feeds more into the stereotype of "who is the man in relationship?" and that a wlw couple has to contain one feminine and one masculine side. i don't have any issues with these couples. but the fact that both were pretty feminine as style and personality, doesn't mean they were made for the male gaze/ by a male gaze. femmes can fall for other femmes too, you know.

• i think penelope showed through clay how it is to battle inner homophobia (especially as a queer person) and the fear of rejection from the loved ones, and how this can turn into hate and make you do disgusting things. make it make sense how it's homophobic 😭😭😭

there are, as well, lots of problematic parts: from the marker scene (that made me give an instant -1 without discussion, unnecessary scene), from liv accepting a bit TOO MUCH in the name of love -but it's a common thing in these kind of books-, livs brothers that piSSED ME OFF they are annoying, to the almost r*pe scene, i mean i got the idea of it but she could send the message a bit more.. differently, aaaand etc.

are liv and clay one my confort characthers? yes. is the book problematic to some extent? yes. is the book homophobic/fetishising wlw? i'm sorry but it doesn't make sense to me HOW.

you don't like a book, that's cool, but from that to shitting on an author (which i somehow get bc she isn't my favourite as well but you do you) for the opposite she tried to show in a book? :)))) cmon

[percyjacksonscookies]

dude imma say it

the percy jackson tv show sucks so bad

and I have a lot of time to think at work when im not busy with my little tasks so imma rant about it

because my little brain likes to look for connections i guess

anyway

IT SUCKS SOOOOOO BAAAAAAD HOLY

S H I T

its a giant mix of things because of where we are in time

every major piece of media is a huge reflection of the times we live in so uh

it makes sense that this would suck too like every single other piece of media disney has released in the past decadeish (it comes down to taste so if u like a Disney thing, whatever)

but like?!?!

because of the times we live in where writers had to strike for better wages and a semblance of recognition (i dont know the terms exactly) it makes sense that they gave ol' Ricky boy a shot at screen writing cause they didn't really have to take a chance with a new writer. cause u know disney! wherever there are corners to be cut they will! gotta think of the poor ol' bottom line!!

BUT ALSO RICK RIORDAN'S QUALITY IN WRITING WENT DOWN S O HARD AFTER HIS FIRST SERIES WITH PERCY

heroes of Olympus and trials of Apollo do not have the same flavor as the original series and I know plenty of people will agree with me

and thats cause ol' ricky boy (might call him uncle rick ironically cause I have a big family so its in character of me to have beef with an uncle plus like.... cmon its for the bit, an homage to my cringey younger self, and to help me avoid stupid autocorrect on my phone, it works on so many levels, if u must, cringe away) lost the fucking heart of the original series

lost the whole point and charm of the 1st series

it started out as a fucking bed time story for his son for fucks sake!!!!!! so obviously it was going to be a story built on so much love you could feel it in every word he carefully knit together for his son to feel less alone in the world

and thats why I looked up to him for so many years!!!!

he inspired me to start writing!!! so that maybe some day I could also write stories that helped people feel less alone

because the best fucking stories are the ones with the most heart and genuine emotions you feel like you could be there

but uncle rick fucking lost it because i think after the massive success of his first series he saw it as a way to make money for his family instead of a way to lovingly craft something for the sake of it just existing

yet another thing capitalism has taken from us

I have yet to read his other work, as an adult, because percy jackson is such a comfort book for me and I've obsessively done so much research on it I remember him doing an interview once where he said his students found his other works and they were teasing him about the cuss words in the book because of course they were he taught middle schoolers and that is where he is stronger than I

but thats also another thing

since I haven't read his other works, I dont know if they're going to speak to me like percy jackson has, but probably not from the looks of his other series (ive read all of heroes of Olympus and some of trials of Apollo but thats just cause I adore nico)

but I can definitely say for sure without a shadow of a doubt

dude

uncle rick is NOT a screen writer

he SUCKS at it so bad

he definitely doesn't know how to build suspense in film or write around the obstacles that come with live acting

which is embarrassing man

ive been there

did a senior directed play in high school, wrote the script myself

and it sucked pretty bad

because I was a story teller not a script writer!!!! I didnt know what the fuck i was doing!!!!! whenever I wanted a new character I would just invent one out of thin air, what do you mean I had to have an actor for every new character I have?!?!?!?!

soooo grateful i tried that for the first time in high school cause its not that embarrassing when u suck at something as a teenager cause hey!!! ur learning new shit everyday!!

but this ties back into my point of this show reflecting the times

I will say, I prefer the movie of percy jackson over this weird show

and thats cause it had charm! zest! a screenwriter and people that knew how to make movies!

were at such a weird place in cinema

at least in the mainstream american/western media

I saw everything everywhere all at once last year and it blew my tits clean off

but thats because it was made by people who wanted to make art for arts sake!!!! for the love of creation!!!!!

thats why those movies are so successful now

cause there's really no formula to follow anymore so anything that seems original and made with love is so fucking insanely successful and big corporations can't fucking replicate that without taking chances and letting people tell honest earnest stories

which is why every Disney villain sucks now cause they have to also secretly maybe sometimes be a good person

oh no the circumstances they were given made them a villain

hmmm I wonder who helped with the capitalism of it all?? hmmmm such a mystery

I know we all miss when villains were just evil for fun and that was it

like Ursula, they didn't explain shit about her backstory she was just a woman in a cave that had a reputation and had a sick as hell design and that was all people needed to like her (shout out to divine) (also I don't remember much about the little mermaid I am basing this off of vibes)

where was i going with this.....

anyways the pjo TV show sucks

let Rick Riordan cook longer as a screen writer or let him be a co author of the script my god he sucks at this

get an expert screen writer in there asap phew!!!

today's adhd rant has been brought to you by:

this thing

[t1erradelfuego]

YOU LOOKED AT ME AND THEN I KNEW! (deeply insane jacktrevor thoughts below)

having THOUGHTS about them right now and i need to vent it or else i will Explode like the Sub okay. i was not a jacktrevor girlie until i saw trevor in the stands with jim hughes + that candid photo of the two of them laughing ntdp-era on the streets of NY and there’s been some seriously insane scholarship on jacktrevor here like hello it is making me so insane i wish i had the words for it. its like. ok what if we met when we were 15 and we knew that we were going to be each other’s person for the longest time and we loved each other so much that we’re mirror reflections of each other and i can’t tell where you end and i begin. what if we were 15 and we promised ourselves to each other. what if. nothing ever happened because we were 15 and we knew it wasn’t going to end well and we wanted to be 15 so we carried on as friends, watched each other hook up across the room at house parties, crawled into each other’s beds at the end of the night without ever touching each other, went through the draft and the growing up and the living without each other and finding out that we’re still each other’s persons. what if i make it to the playoffs before you did. so you went to watch the game with my dad. and then i realized we were no longer 15. GODDDDDDDD. the specific vibe that has been crawling into my chest is being stunned by the enormity of your feelings like one day you wake up normal and the next day you realize you’re in love. where’s that tumblr post about the not romance not platonic but a secret third thing where the lines are so blurred the thought of romance hangs over your head like a guillotine. YEAHHHH. that’s such a guillotine to hang over someone’s head like! what if you already did all the hard parts of baring your worst self to each other, getting into a relationship but doing the steps in all the wrong order that the thought of defining your relationship gives you a headache because how do you even begin to define whatever soulmate fuckery these two have been on since they were 15! where do i even begin with girl jack. still a fuckboy. still flirting. still got incomprehensible confidence. looks up to see trevor chatting animatedly with her dad in the stands and panicking on ice when she realizes she has extremely specific feelings about this, about trevor’s who’s always matched her step for step.  i think there is also something sooooo insane about trevor and his very public relationships and how he is Failing at romance in general. girl jack having to live through that and going “i could never imagine being one of trevor’s flings.” and then she does self reflection and realizes she doesn’t want to be one of trevor’s flings because she wants something More Than That. girl trevor would also make me insane. still fucking around and fumbling her way through relationships. jack ribs her all the time about that except he’s also a little on edge watching it happen in real time hoping it never happens to him which is haha SO funny jack you absolute silly little goose. why would you think trevor would want to date you? you’ve been friends forever, if something was going to happen it would’ve already happened. cmon man it’s a little misogynistic to think that every girl who’s your friend wants to date you. ellen raised you better than that cmon jack. besides. why are you thinking about trevor dating you. why are you scared of something that you say could never happen. why do you live in fear of the idea that she could break your heart. how could she break something she doesn’t have. right? hmm.  anyways i think there is no easy for them to be in a relationship. years of seeing each other hook up with other people and also knowing the deepest, ugliest parts of each other and also just. having deeply intertwined lives and shared social circles and history and friendship. i think it would deeply terrify them to see each other in a romantic light after all these years. they grew up together! they know each other best! how could they put themselves in such a vulnerable position of losing each other, of losing what they have? it would be the hardest relationship of their lives. so like, why do it?  thinking deeply about the insane media and personal speculation also because i LOVE acknowledging the very real effect of other people’s opinions. people  going “of course you were going to end up together!” and other people placing bets on whether or not they were going to end up together like. of course people have opinions. part of it is Media, Baby, that’s what you get for being the franchise center but part of it is also. who they are as people. and their personas just inviting public speculation. they preform the role of a celebrity extremely well! like maybe they should get together because that’s what people expected? maybe they shouldn’t get together because that’s not what people expected? how do you manage a deeply personal relationship that survived childhood but is now subject to the media. and then the actual logistics of being together like in what world does it make sense to do long distance for a decade. like. hello they are both respective franchise centers. no one is moving anywhere. except maybe trevor to the rangers but ANYWAYSSSSSS. i just think they should crawl into bed together, coming home from a bar after watching each other hook up the whole entire night and not say anything as they fall into a deeply unrestful sleep, shoulders pressed against each other. 

[cozyenigma]

Forget Me Not

(Lemme dust myself and this lil fic off, it’s been a minute!)

Request?- Yes!

Summary- There’s no goal and no exit. Hopefully someone comes along before this place becomes your tomb.

Tag List- @cookielover0001010​ , @swag-droid , @watchoutforfrostbite​

Warnings- None

You had no idea where you were.

It wasn’t the ‘whoops, wrong turn’ kind of lost; no, this was the deep, bone chilling realization that you had no idea. No idea where you came from. No idea where you were going. Even though you told yourself not to panic, it was hard to keep your breathing steady as you wandered and hoped in vain for an exit.

Why were you here? It was becoming increasingly apparent that there was no one around for miles. The harsh sun beat down on you as you wandered through the faceless ruins. Had you passed that column before? Everything was unfamiliar but it all looked the same. Sun bleached rock and ruined structures surrounded you on all sides, towering above your head.

Could you climb over top of the walls? The creeping vines along the rocks offered some handholds but they just snapped under your weight. You had nothing to show for your escape attempts other than scrapes and bruises.

Maybe you were researching the place? You seemed to have dressed for the excursion in loose fitting but sturdy clothes. The boots had seen some good use too. Needing something more concrete, you emptied the contents of the small bag you had with you onto the ground. Food and water, probably enough for a day or two. First aid kit that had already been opened. Flashlights, camping stove, change of clothes. Everything suggested that you had prepared to be here. Nothing to suggest for what.

Searching through the various pockets didn’t bring you any answers. No map, no phone, no ID, no clues. Your pockets ended up being similarly fruitless, completely empty with one exception. From your back pocket you fished out a small, tarnished circle of silver and gold. It hadn’t been taken care of as whatever design was on it was nearly worn away entirely. It had a neat little seam going around the outside that was difficult to get your nails under. Though the hinges had almost seized up entirely, you were able to pry it open.

It was a compact mirror. The surface was dulled by grime to the point you could hardly make anything out. Still, you could see a couple of your own features reflected back at you. That fact that you didn’t recognize what you saw was… disconcerting to say the least.

You didn’t recognize the compact either but… Something about it felt important. Not knowing what else to do with it, you closed the compact with some effort and stowed it in your pocket again.

Navigating the place was even more difficult now. It was practically a maze and whatever sense of direction you’d had before was gone with that little distraction. Afternoon came and went. The sun was hot and oppressive overhead and sweat dripped down into your eyes.

“Oh cmon,” you groaned as you rounded another corner just to find more ruined architecture.

What you wouldn’t give for some water.

Thoroughly exhausted at this point, you sat down at the base of the wall and tried to rest. The bag you had with you was frustratingly empty. What the hell were you doing out here with only a few pieces of lint packed away? You took a breath, leaned back against the hot stonework behind you and closed your eyes.

You could curse your past self and the mystery you were in now later. Right now, especially with no food, water or supplies, this was turning into a matter of survival. If you didn’t find a way back to civilization before nightfall your chances were slim at best.

As you were trying to figure out what to do, you heard a voice. You blinked, sat up, and listened intently. It was far off, too far to make out the words, but it was clearly another person. They sounded frustrated, desperate.

The sudden surge of hope was nearly dizzying. Were they looking for you? It didn’t take long for it to curdle into something a bit more fearful. And if they were, was it better to be found by them or try your luck on your own?

Before you could think that over too much, the voice started to get clearer. They were shouting a name over and over again at the top of their lungs. The sound seemed to echo off the crumbling walls and made the place feel even emptier than before. You didn’t recognize the name. Though that… probably didn’t mean much at the moment.

You were getting to your feet when the man came into view. He was in the middle of shouting again, turning the corner and searching with a hurried glance. Those eyes passed you by the first time and then a double take. The man either knew you or happened to be a very good actor judging by the look on his face. He nearly dropped in relief. You almost wanted to trust him outright, just at the thought of someone looking at you like that.

“Darlin you gave me a heart attack, god,” he breathed out as he ran up to you. The smile on his face was a little tight around the edges as he looked you over, hand resting easy on your arm. “Really banged yourself up huh? Can’t leave you alone for a minute.”

Despite yourself, you couldn’t help but draw back a bit from the man and his casual touches. His expression went pinched, concern starting to cover up any relief he wore.

“Darlin?”

Okay, lets break it down. The man either knew you or could convincingly act like he did. He seemed to be dressed for an adventure like you were though the cowboy hat and the whip seemed a bit much. There was always the possibility that he was tricking you of course. You were reasonably certain that you didn’t hit your head so he either didn’t know about your memory loss, knew and was lying about it, or knew and had caused it. Much as you wanted to trust him you had trouble letting your guard down.

Maybe you could test the waters a bit, see how he reacted.

You swallowed, forced your parched tongue to make words. “Who… who are you?”

It was a point in his favor that he looked appropriately horrified. “What? Shit, did you hit your head?”

You nearly jumped out of your skin as he tried feeling for a head wound that wasn’t there. Or at least you were pretty sure wasn’t there.

“No I just- I’m fine! I just don’t know you,” you said, trying to push him back. “Or anything about this place.”

Seeming to get the hint, he took a step back. Did he cross his arms because he was thinking or to keep his hands to himself?

“What do you remember?” He asked, tone grave enough it set you on edge all over again.

“Ah…”

The fact that you were coming up with nothing, absolutely nothing, longer than an hour or two ago… You hadn’t stopped to think about the why. Not with your immediate survival being the more pressing concern. That, impossible as it seemed, was still easier to deal with than the sudden horrifying blankness where you were sure a whole lifetime used to be.

Your silence was answer enough for the man. He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. “Shoulda known something was wrong when I found all your stuff…”

“What?”

Wordlessly, the man took of his pack which seemed to be full to bursting. Crammed inside was food, clothes, climbing equipment, everything you might need for a long, challenging hike. Everything that you didn’t have.

“Recognize any of it?” He asked, handing you a canteen. You hesitated to drink it, taking a cautious sniff before the man snatched it back and took a few gulps. “There. It’s yours, so its safe. I found all of your things on the ground a mile or two that way,” he pointed behind him.

Gingerly you took the canteen and held it close to you. The cool metal in your hands was a welcome reprieve. “I didn’t think I brought anything…”

When you finally took a hesitant sip you nearly drained the thing in a few gulps. Even with it dripping down your chin you still felt desperately thirsty. Before you could even ask the man was pressing another, presumably his, into your hands.

“I wouldn’t have let you. I started to think somethin happened so I’m just glad I found you.” His eyes do another quick pass over you. “Try and remember. Did you see anything weird? Did you touch anything?”

You were shaking your head before he even finished. “No I don’t… wait.” As you were patting your pockets you felt something hard and round. The man’s eyes narrowed as soon as he saw it. “It can’t have been this thing… can it?”

“Never say never in this line of work, darlin. Lucky for you, I happen to know my fair share about cursed objects,” the man took a piece of cloth out from his bag, carefully folding it around the object without actually touching it. A quick knot and it was safely bundled up. “Right, I’m gonna hang onto this just in case. In the meantime we need to get you outta here.”

Offering a hand and an easy smile, he waited for you to take the invitation. The possibility of him causing your memory loss seemed less and less likely but was it really okay to trust him?

“You never told me your name, yknow.”

A smooth laugh as he puts his hand to his chest. “You gotta be the only person to need a second introduction. Name’s Illinois, pleasure’s all yours I’m sure.”

You couldn’t help it. You laughed. It was exhausted and half delirious at this point you were sure but it felt… familiar. The affronted look on the man- Illinois, apparently- just made you laugh more. When you finally took his hand it was warm and calloused. Lucky for you he seemed to know his way around an adventure or two.

—————-

Later, in a quiet hotel room:

“You’re never gonna let me live that down are you, darlin?”

“I forget literally everything and you break out the whole ‘pleasure to meet me’ line?”

“You’re doing this on our anniversary?”

“Hey, I’m allowed! I even got you a cursed relic, I know those’re your favorite.”

“One I can’t even look at unless I wanna forget what my own handsome face looks like.”

“Uh-huh, so you’re saying you want a tie for next year then?”

“Didn’t say any that. Tie would be much less interesting but I think I’d prefer you and your pretty lil head intact, darlin.”