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sysmedsaresexist · 8 months

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hey, thank you for taking the time to put together that post about childhood emotional neglect. I have a hard time wrapping my head around CEN as something to be pathologized because from where I stand it seems so universal--not sure if I knew a single person growing up whose emotional needs were consistently met by their parents, including people whose families i would've cut off my pinky finger to join. is there any chance you'd be willing to give me some examples of what a parent-child dynamic *without* CEN looks like?

Oh god

Okay, I'm going to give this a fair try, long post ahead. Skip to end for the TL;dr and my suggestion

---

This is a true story.

When I was five, I started having anxiety and panic attacks. Severe ones. They mostly presented in my ability to breathe sort of... Hiccupping. I would suddenly become INCREDIBLY aware of my breathing, and it physically felt slower, harder. Trying to talk to my mom never resulted in anything happening or changing, and I had already learned to not talk to my dad.

Combined with clear anxious tendencies, Tourette's, and a budding, severe case of OCD, this culminated in the conclusion that at any moment, ever, I could stop breathing. I took to sitting in front of fans, so that air could be forced in my face, I developed tics of sounds in my throat to make sure I was still breathing. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function, I was scared to leave the house.

My grandmother was babysitting one night and I had the worst attack yet. Six year old me crumbled into my grandmother's lap, telling her what I was experiencing and how scared I was, and like no one was listening to me. I needed to go to the hospital, I demanded.

Now.

---

From here on out, this is not a true story.

My grandmother held me tightly, appalled that my mother hadn't gotten me any kind of help yet. She whispered soothing reassurances into my hair as she rocked me, calling my mom home from bingo.

At the very least, a quick trip to the ER (free) could ease my fears that I stopped breathing every ten minutes, and for the next half hour, she showed me ways to keep my mind busy while we waited and the next two times an attack hit she held my hand and said just breathe through it. See? You're still breathing.

By the time my mom was home, I was calmer, I told them I was okay and could be brave, and I slept like the dead that night. I knew I could always trust my grandmother.

---

That would have been my ideal situation. If I ever have children, this is how I want to be able to treat them.

With respect, and as if what they say matters and is real. I want them to feel heard and appreciated.

Now, here's the catch.

No one is perfect.

Maintaining those levels of attention, on top of working and other children and whatever else might be going on in your life, can be extremely difficult. Generational neglect and abuse mean that most parents don't even realize what's messed up and what's not.

My ideal situation won't be everyone else's.

Eventually, I will hurt someone, unintentionally. I will be low on spoons, or don't know them well enough to react appropriately to something. Maybe they don't want or need "coddling", and my method will be harmful.

TL;dr

In a way, it's reasonable to expect that emotional neglect is simply a fact of life, and different people will handle the effects differently.

When emotional neglect occurs repeatedly over a long period of time, it begins to have an effect on attachment and child development. The things you're excited about are so consistently brushed off that you start to believe the insidious thoughts in your head as you try to rationalize why they don't seem to care.

Your parents tell you so many times that you're overreacting that you begin to believe it and start keeping things to yourself.

Instead of looking at examples, answer these questions about situations in your past:

1) Would I have done something differently if the roles were reversed?

2) Were my emotional needs met?

3) Did I feel heard? Understood? Believed?

4) Were they interested, and being an active listener?

5) Did I leave the conversation feeling safe, and as if continuing to talk to this person was safe? Did I leave knowing I could approach this person again?

6) Does this one person repeatedly make you feel negatively about yourself or your interests? Is it a trend with them in particular?

Emotional neglect comes in ten thousand flavours-- most unintentional, most one-offs. Many of these situations will be handled by YOU just fine. Some will have more of an effect than others.

But when you're young and it's repeated, you learn bad habits and start to have bad thoughts about yourself.

#emotional neglect #answered asks #mod dude

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bonesandthebees · 23 days

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Btw, I promised Dune thoughts, didn’t I? Let’s get into it. Apparently they changed a shit ton from the book to be able to fit it into the film. Can’t really comment on the changes, cuz I haven’t read the books and I don’t plan to. Spoilers from now on for my fellow anons btw.

Movie Chani is very different and you can pry her from my cold dead hands. I love that girl. She goes through so much shit. Idk, I just love how she’s the only person to not fall for this planted project (the only surviving one anyway). And part of it is the fact that she didn’t believe in it in the first place, so did her friends, so they back each other up and it’s nice and it influenced Paul too. But then she gets to know him, and she sees him at his most human, right? She sees him at his most vulnerable and after his nightmares and that “I with love you as long as you stay true to yourself” or whatever the exact words are is killing me. Because her love had always been conditional and she made that choice and stuck to it and she was forced to be part of a prophecy she didn’t even believe in in the first place and I am ILL.

Then there’s Paul. Poor boy had his future set in stone, yet he still made the conscious decision to go there. He wasn’t dragged into it kicking and screaming. He willingly drank the Water of Life. He doomed himself (and everyone else in the process). And it’s just so interesting to watch the shift, because the more people follow, the more he denies it, the more he sort of surrounds himself with people who don’t believe even when his mentor is the most loyal believer of all. And still he makes that choice. And it’s to protect other people, right? Because he couldn’t see and he couldn’t predict and he could have saved them if he had seen, so he needs to see and he needs to take that role, but once he does everything shifts. My man literally dies, comes back wrong, walks in all arrogant, gives ONE speech and raises an army to commit not 1 but 2 genocides within the space of a day, then kills of half of his remaining family and starts a intergalactic war. Completely insane.

Quick little aside about the filming itself, because the start and the shots and there’s so much non verbal communication. Really using to medium to it’s fullest with the way it starts like we are one of the characters, crouched in the sand, looking around, equally confused. It’s so fun. And the visuals are all gorgeous. And it’s just a lot of subtitle story telling that I feel I can’t fully grasp without having read the books, but appreciate all the same.

Anyway, Bene Gesserit. I am Intrigued. I am all here for the planning and the scheming. This is so interesting but also so morally bankrupt on so many levels. They really feel like this all powerful force that’s fully in control of everything happening in the universe. Idk, it feels like even the emperor himself is just a puppet to them. And the princess is more aware, and well trained, but she’s still only in control because they allow her to be in control. They allow her to have power and should she become too much of a threat, they would probably end her just as easily as they tried to end the House of Arteries. Idk. Anyway, we like badass women and we support their wrongs in this household.

Lastly, Jessica. I feel like she’s the one who started it all. It’s been a looooooooong time since I watched Dune part one, but isn’t the entire catalyst that she was meant to have a daughter, but she fell in love and Leto wanted a son, so she gave him one. (And maybe she knew she had a promising bloodline and wanted to try and see if her son would have been the one.) To me, her character seems to be this combination of love and this life long manipulation that has led to arrogance. She is so terrified until she drinks the water of life and then she becomes absolutely ruthless. She’ll do what it takes to protect her family and she’ll sacrifice everyone else to get a way out. But at the same time the “You should have believed.” Sorta shows her own arrogance again, this belief that she had before that her bloodline was good enough (when her son never asked for any of this).

That’s enough for now. Not sure if I have more to say anyway. Enjoy the ramble!

-🌲

YESSS DUNE THOUGHTS. I also haven't read the book so we are in the same boat

god I love Chani so much. she's SO interesting. the fact that she and her friends were part of the Fremen group that don't follow the religious legends of Lisan Al Gaib so she never approaches Paul thinking he's this messiah, but just thinking that he's interesting and seems to genuinely want to learn and understand her culture means so much. he's just a person to her. she falls in love with a boy and sees the parts of him no one else does. she sees his nightmares, hears his fears, learns that he doesn't want to be this messiah even though everyone else is trying to push him towards that future. she tries to hold onto him so he has an anchor to the human being he is instead of this myth, but the prophecy must be fulfilled. and chani is forced to have a hand in completing that prophecy against her will. god. my heart.

paul is also very interesting as a character because there's so many facets to what's going on with him. like, he's being pulled towards this destiny that's been predetermined for him through centuries of bene gesserit interference. everything happening around him is telling him he has to go down this path, it's the only way. and he tries so hard to fight against it. because he knows he's not any real messiah and that the abilities he has is only the result of his mom's weird witch cult, and even the religion itself was planted by the bene gesserit as well. it's all outside manipulation of these people who have been subjugated for centuries and he doesn't want that, he doesn't want to hold this false power and especially not to lead so many people to their deaths. but like you said, he steps into this role willingly in the end. yes, there are outside forces pressuring him, but he drinks the water of life all on his own. and then boom it's genocide time.

(also, before I saw the movie I saw a meme on twitter describing the water of life as "the juice that makes you worse" so that's literally how I kept referring to it in my head the entire movie. he and jessica both drank the juice and got So Much Worse)

the film itself is SOOOO gorgeous and the elements of filmmaking are so well utilized. denis villeneuve the man that you are. he uses so much subtle storytelling just through the shots and the colors and everything like that. and yeah that opening scene is fantastic. great way to really throw the viewers back into the deep end.

I find the Bene Gesserit so fascinating in all of this. like it's very clear they're the ones who really control what's going on in the larger galaxy. none of the houses will make a move against another without getting permission from the Bene Gesserit. but of course the movie also makes you wonder what their end goal is. what exactly are they trying to accomplish with Arrakis? and what's the princess's role in all of this? like you said, it very much feels like she's only has power because the Bene Gesserit allow her to. so I'm just curious what's going on with all of them.

ahhh Jessica I love her she is so unhinged. yes, in the first movie it's mentioned that she was supposed to have a daughter, but instead chose to have a son. from what I've heard about the books I believe that if Jessica did what she was told, she was supposed to have a daughter, and then that daughter would give birth to a boy who would be the Kwisatz Haderach. but she decided to skip ahead a generation and have a son. it was her love for her husband that first led her to disobey the Bene Gesserit, and from there she wanted to protect her family and see her son ascend to what she believed was his rightful place as the Lisan Al Gaib. it's so jarring to see how different she is before she drinks the water of life and afterwards. she knows now, she can see what she believes is the only way now, and she's willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the best ending for her and her son. and of course, she's incredibly arrogant about it all at the same time. I love her there's so much wrong with her.

#ask #spruce anon #dune pt 2

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annoyinglandmagazine · 1 year

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Post War of the Last Alliance Elrond

It felt silent, though it wasn’t so. Perhaps it only felt so in contrast to the dread cacophony of screams and the clashing of swords on armour and flesh that had haunted his every waking step for so long he’d been sure that this was all there would ever be. That this was all Arda was an ever would be. But it was not so. Now it was simply still. He was vaguely conscious of soldiers around him picking through the bodies to find their dead, their loved ones. When did something so horrifying become merely expected? He was certain, as he looked over the expanse of armour, blood, trampled banners and funeral pyres before him, that there were more dead than alive. He leaned against his sword as he made his way to where the largest amount of what remained seemed to be gathered.

He was faintly aware of a stab wound in his side as he moved though he found it easy enough to ignore. In fact he could scarcely tell where it was. There was was so much blood. The bitter copper taste filled his mouth and slid all over his armour and every inch of his skin and clothing, he could feel it encrusting a lock of his hair to his forehead and there would not have been any point trying to fix it even if it had been more than a barely conscious thought in his mind. For there was blood slicked over his hands as well. The wounded soldiers parted once they recognised him. And he saw what they were gathered around, though he’d known in his heart as soon as he’d seen them, known since the war had begun, since the day in that tent in a war so similar to this one that it was as if it had never ended when he had first met the person who would change the course of his life he’d known on some level that this is what it would come down to. There was a pyre set up a bigger one than any of the others. And on it laid the remains of the king, recognisable only by his armour.

There were people talking and sobbing all around him but it was as if they were all drowned out by the growing humming in his mind, that was nothing like the music any elf or man was capable of making. It was the making of the world and the destruction of what had came before and he could feel the seismic shift in reality, in Arda itself, the swell and crescendo. But as much as he could feel the world and it’s theme all around him, he saw none of that potential and life before him. His eyes could take nothing in, his presence in this place reduced only to the crown and the blood.

He pulled himself back to the field with a forceful jolt and saw that all the crowd were looking to him, the combined image of so many of their great leaders and legends, bearing their blood and crests. He could not, would not, be the king they wanted. But he nonetheless knew that they needed someone to provide some illusion of control for now. They did not truly need a saviour after all, they’d had plenty of those in ages past, a new age needed new ways of thought, new kinds of heroes. Regardless, all the legends were dead.

Nevertheless he picked up the proffered torch and doused it in the fire. He set the pyre alight. How ironic that it should always come back to fire, where everything was ended and born anew. They had thought they were coming to a new age of peace where they could let go of the flame and lay their weapons down. And yet here they were, and the Second Age ended once again in fire. The smoke filled his lungs, and he should have been in a coughing fit by now but he couldn’t seem to focus on something so real when everything was steeped in symbolism and destruction.

So he stood there in front of the pyre letting the smoke block out his vision and watching the red ember flicker, like a statue that would never be moved, and for a moment he could feel moments and thoughts that weren’t quite his own filling this void he was standing in until he was living every age of the world at once. They were all so similar it hardly mattered whose they were, for they all spoke in the same voice standing in front of their own pyres.

And as he was standing there he felt movement at his side. This shouldn’t have been unusual, and yet it was for, unlike all the other noise on this field his mind could not block that rustle out. He turned and saw silver hair glinting, Celebrian walking to stand at his side. They looked at each other for what felt like centuries and they understood perfectly what the other was thinking, but more importantly what they were not, what could never be made coherent even in their own mind, in anyone’s mind.

They knew there were no words either could use to make sense of all that had happened or the situation they found themselves in so neither tried. He felt the first traces of tears escape his eyes as he finally grasped that this was real, he was here and he knew this because someone else was here with him. Then just as he was trying to mask his inner turmoil to provide an image of reassurance he felt the brush of warm skin against his own.

Slowly he intertwined their fingers, bloody and calloused before the grave of his dearest friend, and yet very much there. Broken, just as he was, but there. And perhaps both not quite broken enough to give up just yet. And so he squeezed her hand in his and felt her squeeze back as the fire roared.

#Silmarillion #Tolkien #lord of the rings #elrond peredhel #eldritch peredhel #angst #Last alliance #second age #third age #gil galad #elrond and celebrian #celebrian #celrond

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tgrailwar-zero · 9 months

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This was the first time that you had used the stroke of a Command Spell in this context. It was an odd feeling. It didn't seem painful, though you could see CONSTANTINE tense a bit, his own will and actions being suppressed under a geyser of concentrated mana.

He took a breath, nodding his head.

CONSTANTINE: "…Very well. If that is your resolve, then so be it."

[ You've used a Command Spell! CONSTANTINE will have a harder time going against your orders now! ]

KUKULKAN spoke up.

KUKULKAN: "If you're done, we have to continue onward. Like you said, we've spent enough time here as-is."

CONSTANTINE: "…Right. Let's be off."

There was less conversation on that topic than you expected. It seemed like he really did concede to whatever choice you made, and left it at that. He was your Servant, and was acting as such.

The two continued forth, the trek remaining uneventful until grass turned to stone, and stone turned to metal as you approached the Crimson Citadel.

Though… it didn't just seem like a 'Citadel' anymore.

It was an entire city.

You could see NPCs and Attack Programs marching back and forth, protecting them. It felt both authoritative and yet sheltering, like the cover of an overbearing parent. Nothing about it seemed malicious, simply 'intense'.

KUKULKAN: "This is something else… was it always like this, Constantine?"

CONSTANTINE: "A lot has changed in the few days I was gone. This is almost a completely different area."

As CONSTANTINE and KUKULKAN gawked, a voice called out to them.

???: "Impressive, right? Or is it more 'cool'?"

With deft movements and a high jump, a figure landed in front of KUKULKAN and CONSTANTINE.

A young woman with blonde hair and shining armor and weaponry stood before them.

BRADAMANTE: "Hello, Interloper Masters and Servants. And welcome back, Rider. I am the Bouclier Saber, Bradamante. His Majesty was already made aware of your presence as soon as you stepped into his Noble Phantasm, Carolus Patricius. Welcome to the future of the Solar Cell."

That name… 'Carolus Patricus'. That Noble Phantasm could only belong to one man. SABER was...

CHARLEMAGNE.

Charles the Great. Karl der Große. A grand ruler of both fact and fiction, focused in his actions, devout in his faith, and known throughout the world as the man who unified Western Europe. As a Servant, he would be a man of incredible power and renown.

The fact that one of his warrior so freely gave his True Name at this point was a show of absolute strength and confidence.

KUKULKAN: "Ah, so that's what I'm sensing~! This place has a high 'Civilization Level'! This 'Charlemagne' must be an expert!"

CONSTANTINE: "This is certainly something, but he's but one Servant. To hold up a Noble Phantasm such as this would require a tremendous amount of magical energy."

BRADAMANTE: "You don't recognize it? He's drawing power from the Keys held by the former Interloper Servants. With the proper authority, he was able to wring out enough magical energy from four keys. The Key of the Thunderous Berserker, The Key of the Pious Caster, The Key of the Blooming Foreigner, and the Key of the Shining Rider."

KINTOKI. DANTE. VAN GOGH. MANDRICARDO...

The paladin continued to speak, beaming with pride.

BRADAMANTE: "By combining strength, piety, creativity, and fortitude, such a miracle could be created. To turn the Origin War, a moment of destruction and chaos, into a tool of creation. This is the power of the Interlopers combined with the will of the Solar Cell, the might of King Charlemagne!"

So that was another use for the Trigger Keys… at least the ones belonging to your Servants. Utilizing the remaining magical energy in order to enhance one's abilities… though you feel as if that was less of a common capability, and instead something forced about through some form of Imperial Privilege.

There may be more to this than just 'drawing power from the keys'.

Nonetheless, this was a bit more than expected. Based on what PRETENDER had said, and CONSTANTINE's worries, they made it seem like SABER was on the back foot- but that seemed incorrect.

Those thoughts aside, BRADAMANTE's expression grew serious.

BRADAMANTE: "But now is time for you to state your reasons for being here. If you've come here for destruction, then I will have to battle you as a paladin. If you've come here for the sake of unity, then I will gladly let you pass. But be careful, even if you feel as if you can lie to me, His Majesty can see past any falsehoods."

#thgw: chapter 5 #thgw story #main post

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beachyserasims · 6 months

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Creative Type Tag

Tagged by @vay2008 Thank you for thinking of me!!

Rules: Take the test, reblog this post (or make your own) with what type you got & tag 7 mutuals to do the same!

Creative Strengths - Connection to emotions/imagination, empathy/sensitivity Untapped Potential - Using dreams to fuel real-world action Ideal Collaborator - The Innovator The world is a place of beauty and magic in the eyes of a DREAMER. Where others see facts and figures, you see symbols, metaphors, and hidden meanings. You’re deeply emotional and intuitive, with a vivid imagination—the quintessential idealist and romantic. The inner world is always where you’ve felt most at home. You’re happy to roam your mental landscape of thoughts, emotions, and fantasies for hours on end. You’re naturally drawn to express your inner world through literary pursuits, music, and the visual arts. Think of yourself as the “magical realist” of the creative types: like the literary masters of that genre, you naturally infuse your everyday life with the beauty and wonder of the imagination. Your greatest gift is your depth of sensitivity and empathy, which allows you to give voice to universal human emotions in a way that touches people on a profound level. Your greatest challenge is learning to balance dreaming with disciplined action—which starts with coming back to the present moment. Let your mind roam free, DREAMER, but don’t forget to return to the here and now. Practicing mindfulness will go a long way in helping you turn your dreams into reality. Seek out opportunities to collaborate with INNOVATOR types, who combine your lofty idealism with a focus on pragmatic solutions. The grounding energy of the INNOVATOR can inspire you to apply your imagination to real-world change.

I appreciated @vay2008 for sharing their perspective on the results and since we have the same result <3 I thought I'd like to do the same!

I do believe that I am a dreamer in that I see the world a bit differently than others do, but not in the quintessential idealist way that most people imagine with rose coloured glasses. I find that living in small communities across so called canada, there is so much ignorance and bigotry, and although I don't necessarily see being aware of the plight of others to be a dream-like quality, its definitely something that most other people turn a blind eye to (sad to say but its true). This could be the empathetic part to me, as I try to understand everyone the way I wish I could be understood, since I have always been misunderstood/disliked by my peers. I do think its because I live in the Uncanny Valley, although I never understood this until recently. This kind of forced my hand into the dream-world and escapism as I have never fit in anywhere, and have been bullied my entire life even into adulthood (except here which is so nice!!) I do think that I need to start turning my dreaming side into action as I would love to gain the confidence to help my IRL community more by being more hands on.

I will tag @lynzishell , @theosconfessions , @dawnvy , @acidheaddd , @siliconesims , @ex0ticgen , @simstrashkingdom , @ohthesefaces

#non sims #non sim #faqs about me

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whenthechickencry · 8 months

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Umineko EP2. Replay Part 2

Huh, thought Jessica was the one initiating the relationship and not Shannon, guess I had details mixed up.

She's pushy too!

Though I guess Jessica had unknowingly made the first move....

Didn't even give Jessica room to back down either! I had the impression Jessica kind of forced this relationship into existence but I guess Yasu had at least some feelings for Jessica.

I think the outfits a little goofy but I think it fits Kanon anyways

Yasu can probably relate a lot to compartmentalizing your identity like this and I imagine this is probably when he started having more of an interest in Jessica as someone with a lot of sides to her personality

Oh Jessica you have no idea who you are talking to. Also, I think while this scene shows that Jessica cares about Kanon and wants him to live a better life, she also isn't making a real effort to understand him and just assumes all her prior assumptions are correct, until she finally gets told off halfway through the conversation.

They reveal more than they meant to here, I think, it's honestly heartbreaking to read a bit... it might be leftover bias from me being a Jessica Kanon shipper when I first read the vn but I feel if this conversation went slightly different maybe Yasu could get some of the help they needed from Jessica.

...

Woah forgot about the Battler Yasu mention... combined with the mention about Battler saying the horse line to Shannon later on these are some pretty strong hints, though I guess narration is leading you to believe they are talking about Kinzo Beatrice

If you figured that out you would have solved Umineko!

Huh, i think this cg background is from Miotsukushi....

Yeah, but they are in different levels of zoom in.... I don't know why I bothered to check.

Sigh, I am really trying to not dislike you.

Funny how the narration pretty obviously from Rosa's perspective, initially gives this story about Rosa just pampering her daughter too hard because Rosa's oh-so-nice she went overboard, and then by the end it's talking about how Rosa hits Maria "impulsively".... how is Maria not supposed to develop unhealthy coping mechanisms of compartmentalizing her mother when her mother does the same to herself!

Nice one Rosa.... that's such a cruel thing to say, Rosa and Maria sections have always been some of the hardest scenes in the game to read for me.

The way her child is both her punching bag and her emotional support is both so extremely fucked up and incredibly realistic to how children of abusers are treated.

Krauss and Eva having a meeting about whether they are able to hide Krauss's death again (no)

It is kind of interesting to me that Rudolf seems more aware of his flaws than most of the cast... but doesn't seem to care too much about changing his behavior anyway.

This episode seems to immediately try to get to see you Maria in a different way to EP1 - her condescending magical genius persona didn't start until after the killings, here it's shown in a much more benign way, just a kid rambling about Halloween.

Imagine if Rosa instead of feeling ashamed Maria can remember so much trivia and tried to foster it into having her pick up history or something, like serriously it's impressive she can know so much about a certain subject! It's certainly more interesting and useful than my childhood hyperfixation being random Mario facts lol.

Kyrie's actually a pretty good mother to Ange all things considered, at least up to the point of what Ange saw, which maybe does tip me off a little to the "She said that stuff to Eva so that Eva would take care of Ange" theory.... I don't think she would manage to fake that so consistently otherwise.

To Yasu, who never really had parental figures, and probably idolized parents at some point I imagine their best friend having such a bad parent must hurt them really hard in a lot of ways.

And then Beatricce, coincidentally, does the same thing Kanon wanted to do but couldn't.

That's a really roundabout way to say you want to hang out, Maria.

Ouch, tough a couple lines later the illusion of a nice Kyrie gets blown away from me, though sympathetically I can interpret that line as Kyrie trying to get Risa to be nicer by speaking her language.

This scene's pretty easy to figure out, the one who knew about the crushed candy was Kanon and the fact Rosa can see Beatrice means she's an accomplice, and of course, Beatrice just made Maria close her eyes and switched the candy, and Rosa seeing it means she's going along with the story

She reveals she chooses her accomplices by convenience during this scene too.

it's pretty hard to not read Genji and Kinzo's relationship as romantic from Genji's side, though, I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't even admit that to himself.

I wonder if we should take this scene Kyrie happening to wander into Shkannon dressed as Beatrice, that would explain why she massacred all the siblings but Rosa in this episode, but also I don't think Yasu has any need to physically dress up as Beatrice at this moment... though I could see them doing it for funsies anyways.

Or alternatively, Kyrie could have been recruited as an accomplice earlier, and the reason she goads Rosa outside the parlor earlier was to set up the Rosa Beatrice meeting, and it would explain why Rosa's so on edge since she saw another accomplice getting slaughtered, but there's no real proof of that, I just think her getting Rosa to go outside is a little weird... It's not like she was a big issue at the conference, though I guess maybe Kyrie just saw her as the weak link in the anti-Krauss faction and felt like removing her from the beginning negotiations.

#umineko #umiepisode2

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doom-nerdo-666 · 11 months

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Something about "speed" in FPS games

Something i once wrote:

Whenever i think of the “keyword” behind retro FPS and what made them good, i feel like some people associate them with “speed”, but i think another keyword in general is “variety”.

On one hand, it applies to the components that make the game (Weapons, enemies, items, mechanics, level features etc) but on another it could also be varying situations and how they use these components (Moments of exploration, platforming, movement, maybe a bit of cover etc).

“Variety” and “speed” can still coexist and offer amazing results, while another benefit of speed is to push how advanced or impressive a game’s engine can be.

��Variety” also explains how level design can make scenarios feel different despite using the same “content”, hence why some of these classics still have mods and maps being made, as a testament of their versatility.

Because of this, i feel like modern FPS in that dark era didn’t just suck because they felt slow: Even if you try to make a milsim corridor FPS seem “fast”, you’d still be strict to barely any resource management, extremely linear levels and a non-existent enemy variety (Almost like a combination of every decision possible to put the least amount of effort into designing a video game).

(People like to blame Halo or Half-Life but even those games had interesting "sandboxes")

Because most Doom games have their own varied elements and use of them. Not only that, most Doom games have their own differences and not every Doom game follows a certain system or formula.

2016 and Eternal seem to focus on more speed, while classic Doom in comparison can be slower because it may prioritize the exploration and how the levels "control" the pace.

In a way, that explains some differences from the originals like how armor works or some enemy changes, but id still puts effort into new ideas and spicing things up.

Eternal seems like the kind of game people go “it’s almost perfect except for this” and honestly, it seems Eternal’s flaws can be natural to the game like its best parts because of the formula it establishes.

While Classic Doom can be “fixed/modernized” without losing too many essential or technical parts, if some source ports, fan patches and mods are anything to go by (As in, not referring to Brutal Doom or heavy change mods here),

In fact, i feel like some ideas that people think are “too gimmicky” or “ruin the pace” are a result of the “Doom dance” formula, as if the platforming (Which i think it’s fun) had to coexist with the combat arenas or else the alternative would be basic corridors (Since Eternal is more experimental than 2016).

(The "self aware videogamey" style of pick ups was even made for the sake of feedback during combat, even if a giant glowing helmet made of neon lights with "1 up" text above can still be weird, even by Doom standards).

Even how TAG1/2 forced the player to use specific weapon mods may be a result of how the enemy variety would have to grow in the same games where the “Zombiemen” are no longer hitscan and a Pain Elemental’s Lost Souls aren’t simply spread around.

You could even argue that dashing exists as a mechanic, as a modern equivalent to pressing SHIFT but done differently.

But then you have the Master Levels, in which most of them work because of how the roster of enemies are structured, as if some could still fit other areas of a map (While in classic Doom, even if its enemies have a less deeper system, they're still different enough that you can't just edit a Doom 2 map where you replace Imps and zombies with Revenants and Arch-viles, unless you're making a Plutonia map 32 style of map remix).

So if a Doom 6 can’t be “above Eternal”, it could still be its own thing with cool new ideas because sometimes, you don’t have to always go “more good, less bad”, when each game will always have its own ups and downs, sometimes benefitting discussion.

I feel like there’s still a lot that can be done with the Slayer “Doom Dance” style of games, but i also feel like there’s some limitations which is probably why some people are open to spin-offs where you play as different characters or outright different game formulas under the Doom name.

And looking at Doom 3’s flaws, people will point at how slow it is when a bigger issue was how repetitive some encounters felt and just most enemies lacking more unique roles (Or maybe this part alone is more to do with documentation/analysis).

Either way, i feel like simply seeing new ideas and executions/versions of those in Doom can always be refreshing and i personally feel a bit welcoming to new stuff being added to Doom as a series (Ironically despite talking about how huge Doom modding, because i guess an official Doom game has the advantage of simply being official or “canon” as opposed to a fan made mod with some cool features).

I do think some people forget that classic Doom technically had a “slow default movement” speed, whereas “running” was attached to pressing SHIFT and before source ports had the “ALWAYS RUN” command/option, MS DOS Doom had the Config File in which an exploit is how you can set the running speed as default movement.

(And stuff like outrunning your own rockets is a result of the wallrun bug, something that some ports fixed).

With Quake, you have the “Doom is for SP, Quake is for MP” mindset/phrase but it’s ironic that most traditional arena multiplayer and Quake 3 aren’t as popular, while most content Quake gets nowadays is singleplayer maps/mods, so that statement (Doom is SP, Quake is MP) feels more like a phrase some guy said and was carried like it was a traditional opinion or something.

Even then, it’s still impressive to see how a game test’s someone’s speed.

A good thing about making Doom faster is that Doomguy’s arsenal was mostly simple and then the new Doom games add weapon mods and such; This is why i think Heretic receiving a “Doom Eternal treatment” can be difficult because Corvus always had a greater/more diverse arsenal, with items that may not fit a faster style of game, though an Hexen project where the Fighter/Baratus becomes this fast brawler/punchy guy would be fun.

But going back to “ALWAYS RUN”, i always wonder if Doomguy simply having a wide arsenal of guns isn’t more significant to him than his movement speed (In which people tried to analyze as a way to determinate his canon power level, which kinda felt like adding deeper context to where the original devs never thought of none).

It makes me think of how the Marauder (And eventually, the Dark Lord) are structured: They mainly mirror the player’s speed but not the deep arsenal: Because a character with a diverse arsenal would be a good way to make Doomguy fight someone at his level but i can also see it take much more work.

Like a lot of my other points, all of this revolves around Doom being about experimentation and seeing new stuff in Doom, even if for the sake of crossovers.

It also reminds me of what i said about the Arch-vile’s main brilliance not being just the challenge but mainly the uniqueness, which is why i compare him to Heretic’s Iron Lich, Duke Nukem’s 3D's Protector Drone and Quake SoA’s Gremlin.

Another way to view "variety vs speed" is when a game has an enemy entirely defined by speed/AI in a roster where enemies are usually slow or have basic AI. Which is something that wouldn't work in a game where higher difficulties introduce stronger AI or increased speed.

To me, increasing Doomguy’s power level includes giving him weapons and abilities with different functions and stuff, not really some deep lore about his canon power level: Probably why i wish the Crucible had more going on for a “melee moveset” but at least the Sentinel Hammer had a more interesting role in comparison (This sort of thinking even applies with crossovers, even if giving the Crucible a bunch of different moves and combos would still not lead to Doomguy being playable in Smash but either way).

I guess that also applies with Hell’s demons and their abilities and roles too.

This also comes down to how Doom is technically a sequel to Wolfenstein 3D, in a way that it had to build up its formula from Wolf 3D's limitations, from the level architecture to the weaponry and enemy roster.

Because Doom in a way was complex enough to push the genre, this is probably why Quake is seen as "Doom in 3D" despite having its differences from classic Doom.

Even with Marathon, i thought a new game could have "expanded the sandbox" by adding new cool features that people would've preferred over the Tarkov clone route.

Anyway, already made this wall of text too long but at least there's some "food for thought" or something.

Some other posts worth checking:

Various Quake opinions here and here.

My take on the Dark Lord.

How Doom 1/2's demons changed in the series visually and mechanically.

This one "idea" tag just to see some ideas that i think could work in a game or at least a mod.

Edit:

A bit of an observation i might add:

Quake is a follow to Doom focusing more on the speed and agility aspects.

Modern Doom takes from Quake.

A lot of custom content for Quake is more likely to be SP based than MP.

Then there's Arcane Dimensions and others were people add more content because Quake is criticized for not having enough content.

#doom #classic doom #doom eternal #id software #opinions #quake #long post #heretic #hexen #raven software

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milesonthenet · 1 year

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Broly: Comparison between selves

Who's the big bad Legendary Super Saiyan?

Dragon Ball Z: Broly - The Legendary Super Saiyan was released on March 6, 1993. The film has created a fairly influential character who has gone on to join the canon timeline. This year marks its 20th anniversary since it's inception.

It is no secret that Broly is a prevalent Dragon Ball character. He has had two sequels and a reboot film that brought him into the canon. He almost always has a designated appearance in a video game. Broly's even gone on to gain new forms that he never displays in canon.

Today, I welcome you to join House of Milesverse as we talk about Broly. In fact, we will be studying the differences between his two most popular incarnations. By the way, you should know that Broly's power is maximum.

Broly: Z Version

To start our discussion off, we should talk about the original. As I said above, Broly first made his debut in the Dragon Ball Z era of films. He is the eighth film in the line and has two sequels behind him.

This version of Broly is introduced as a complete monster. When he's not under the control of his father, he's destroying planets. Z Broly is an embodiment of chaos that wreaks havoc against his enemies.

What I like about this version is just how evil he can be. Unlike his successor, Z Broly is unrepentant in this fact. He is willfully sadistic and cruel toward his enemies. Broly just does not care, he will attack you just for existing.

In the first film, Broly's father was Paragus, a Saiyan who used him. Paragus used Broly as a weapon to destroy numerous planets. However, even Paragus was aware that Broly was hard to control. He created a mind control inhibitor device to stop Broly from becoming berserk.

Paragus had an entire plan to trick King Vegeta's heir, all out of petty vengeance. He used a desolate planet that was in the path of a comet. His plan was to abandon Broly and let him occupy the Z-Fighters. All so that the comet would hit the planet, destroy Vegeta, and kill them all.

Unfortunately, Paragus' pod was grabbed by Broly. The legendary super saiyan crushed his father inside of the pod. Paragus' last moments were in fear.

He engages in animalistic brutality when dealing with his opponents. This is to a degree I think has never been seen in the franchise before. Despite his size, he's also surprisingly fast, and able to blitz his targets.

Both times against Broly required outside assistance. Goku and Gohan had to rely on their allies to even slow him down. Despite that, they both managed to end his rampage and destroy the monster.

What is notable about this version is that he always comes back. Goku first destroyed him by using a combined energy punch to the stomach. The resulting force of the punch ruptured his skin and detonated his body.

Even then, he would come back to hunt Gohan. Gohan, alongside his father Goku, and his younger brother Goten, defeated him. They had to use a combined Kamehameha wave to blast him into the sun.

Broly always comes back, stronger than before. More than that, his power has no limit. It continuously rises while he is fighting. This near-infinite level of power makes it hard for people to keep him down.

Overall, Z Broly really proves what a monster the Saiyans can be. His battles always showcased his animalistic brutality. I think he best embodies the ruthlessness and savagery that the Saiyans once had.

Broly: Super Version

Super Broly is similar to his predecessor but offers a few differences. He first shows in the 2018 film, Dragon Ball Super: Broly. In addition, he also has a different personality.

What truly sets him apart is his behavior. Unlike Z Broly, this version is kinder and gentler. He does not desire to fight unless it involves protecting his loved ones.

Super Broly is a prodigy when it comes to combat, however. He was able to keep up with both Goku and Vegeta. During their battle, he was able to rapidly improve to combat their forms.

I love how this version puts a distinct spin on Broly's story. In the prior films, he was portrayed as a mindless beast. Super decides to reinvent Broly as someone who is desperately trying to maintain control. He does not want to let out his inner monster because he will lose control.

In fact, this is exactly what happens over the course of the movie. The death of his father (Something Z Broly himself did in his first film) caused him to freak out. He became a berserk creature, and he destroyed everything in his way.

Speaking of Broly's relationship with Paragus is different here. Super Broly is aware his father is a terrible person. Despite how abusive he is, Broly still loves them. Losing Paragus was enough to trigger his transformation into a Super Saiyan.

Broly also has a noteworthy bond with Cheelai and Lemo. The two Frieza Force soldiers quickly took a liking to him. They helped get rid of Paragus' shock collar. By the end of the film, Cheelai and Lemo even went to live with Broly.

Broly is the title character of this film for a reason. He is portrayed as the underdog of the story. His battles against the more experienced Goku and Vegeta pushed him to new limits.

Ultimately, Super Broly shows the potential tragedy of his original self's story. This makes him easier to sympathize with viewers. It also carves out a wonderful niche for his character.

Who's the better monster?

The truth is that they are both monsters in their own right. However, the question is what kind of monsters they are. Both of the characters are two sides of the same coin.

Z Broly represents the horrifying, unbeatable nightmare. He is a monster without limits or rivals. Because of this, he is a tremendous threat to, well, everyone in his vicinity. Even in outside material, Broly still comes back to haunt the Z-Fighters.

Super Broly represents unwavering power, but he is still an unstable asset. He desperately clings to his sanity because of his world-shaking abilities. This makes him a danger, even to his own friends.

Overall? I do not think there's a right answer on which one is the best. They both have something that makes them interesting. Both come with their own advantages and disadvantages to deal with. I think it all comes down to what type of character you are looking for.

Overall, I hope you had a Legendary time reading the House of Milesverse. I enjoyed talking about one of my other favorite Dragon Ball antagonists. I will come out with another post this month.

For now? See ya!

#dragon ball z #dragon ball super #broly #dragon ball

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fullyfunctionalapprentice · 2 years

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Cecelia, the gentle swamp witch with a flair for elegance

She/her; trans woman; pansexual & panromantic

Favourite food: chirashi sushi

Favourite season: early spring

Favourite drink: hazy IPA

Favourite flower: skunk cabbage

Age: 800-something

Height: 7'5

Appearance: Long-limbed and fine-boned, with a full hourglass figure and a cool-toned complexion verging on true black, Cecelia cuts a striking figure in the height of elegant style, grubby field research overalls,or nothing at all - a fact which she's well aware of, and knows that others are just as gorgeous.

Unless she's growing her 4C hair out for a wig (almost invariably of a natural hairstyle, though often dramatically dyed or ornamented,) she keeps her head shaven clean, and her heart-shaped face minimally made up aside from a few touches of metallic leafing on eyelids, cupid's bow, lower lip, and chin.

Her eyes are black-brown, her nose bridge low, her lips full, her jaw strong and her chin pointed. She always wears a large amethyst near the tip of her left ear.

Personality: Kind, enthusiastic, and endlessly curious, Cecelia is simultaneously highly charismatic and obviously autistic. Her combination of pragmatism and creativity makes her a natural at sci-comm, and, as an outgoing introvert, she enjoys sharing her passion while remaining comfortable in setting boundaries. Amphibians, especially frogs and toads, are her central special interest, but her fascination with the natural world extends to the whole complex network of which they, and we, are a part.

She loathes violence, but, practical soul that she is, accepts its occasional necessity on a personal level; she prefers to defuse conflict, but, if forced to fight, she is imminently capable, and will aim to disarm and/or temporarily disable over causing permanent harm, far less death. If forced to the latter, she grieves deeply, but tries not to blame herself - if nothing else, because to do so is to make it about her, when someone's death or disability is about that person and their loved ones.

Magic: mostly subtle, and tying into her relationship with wetland and riparian ecosystems: most noticeably, wildlife doesn't fear her; she can both hold her breath for a very long time, much like a deep-diving marine mammal, and respirate through her skin like an amphibian; and she can work with fluid like a waterbender, be it purifying water or using it in defense or as clothing or ornament.

Quirks: She loathes the feeling of all but the smoothest metal on her skin; she talks with her hands, and just generally hand-stims, a lot; she isn't at all shy of nudity; she us frequently accompanied by a large, close-coated colour point cat named Mushroom.

Shippable/befriendable: yes please!

#cecelia the swamp witch #character bio

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psychreviews2 · 1 month

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The Mind Illuminated - Culadasa

Lost in thoughts

John Yates, also known as Culadasa, directs the Dharma Treasure Buddhist Sangha in Tuscon, Arizona. He has worked in a wide variety of traditions including, Theravada, Tibetan traditions, and he also taught physiology and neuroscience.

He wrote the book The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Using Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science, which is refreshing in its use of Stages. Many practitioners want to skip to the end of the path and end up slowing their practice down unknowingly. By focusing on stages, the meditator can focus on what they need to master first before moving onto the next stage, and thereby they keep from getting lost.

In this review I’ll focus on some of Culadasa’s insights into how mindfulness works, and the challenges of a wandering mind.

Insight

At the start Culadasa warns meditators to not get lost. He says, “the point isn’t to force your experience to match something you have read…You must move through the Stages in order, without skipping any of them. To make progress, you should correctly determine your current Stage, work diligently with the techniques you’re given, and move on only when you have achieved mastery. Mastery of one Stage is a requirement for the mastery of the next, and none can be skipped…Taking ‘shortcuts’ just creates problems and ultimately prolongs the process — so they’re not really shortcuts. Diligence is all you need to make the fastest progress possible."

One has to “practice according to whatever is happening in your meditation in the present”, and work “with the specific obstacles and goals appropriate to your current skill level."

As the reader moves along, Culadasa drops some major insights that we ultimately have to find for ourselves, beyond reading, but intellectually they can help with the practice. He says, “as you continue to meditate, this fact of ‘no-Self’ becomes increasingly clear, but you can’t afford to wait for that Insight. For the sake of making progress, it’s best to drop this notion [of a permanent Self], at least at an intellectual level, as soon as possible." The illusion of the self comes together via "the content of many separate moments, provided by...sense categories, [that] get briefly stored in a kind of 'working' memory, where they are combined and integrated with each other. Then the 'product' of this integration is projected into consciousness as yet another distinct type of mind moment."

Intention

Like other masters, Culadasa emphasizes the role of intention in meditation, which is directing our attention span in the practice. He says, “at every Stage, all ‘you’ really do is patiently and persistently hold intentions to respond in specific ways to whatever happens during your meditation. Holding this intention, together with returning our attention to the breath over and over whenever we get distracted, informs the unconscious weighing process that keeping the focus on the breath is important. Repeating simple tasks with a clear intention can reprogram unconscious mental processes. This can completely transform who you are as a person.”

“The basic rule for training the mind in meditation is to always intentionally select the locus of attention. With monkey-mind, attention is constantly moving, so you finesse the situation by intentionally expanding this area. You let the mind keep moving, but only within the boundaries that you’ve intentionally set. Instead of trying to hold the monkey still, you give it a larger cage to move in.”

Targeted and wide

What I find different about his approach is his instruction to develop, what he calls, metacognitive introspective awareness, which is to stand back and observe the mind state and activities while meditating. Culadasa wants the practitioner to notice how the practice and thoughts are affecting the mind state so that the practitioner doesn’t become dull in too much attention, and ignore the peripheral awareness. By including peripheral awareness, the meditator can keep the big picture context of their environment, thoughts and mind states, while focusing attention. Therefore objectivity is preserved and it can prevent being stuck in “subjectivity and projection.”

He says, “you simply do exercises where you practice sustaining close attention and strong peripheral awareness at the same time. This is the only way to make consciousness more powerful. The more vivid you can make your attention while still sustaining awareness, the more power you will gain.”

Forgetting

Like Thanissaro Bhikkhu, Culadasa emphasizes the importance of noticing our forgetting, which is getting lost in thoughts. When we get lost in thoughts in meditation, it can be sneaky. There are subtle distractions before one gets to gross distractions, forgetting, and then realizing being lost. Here he recommends labeling. The meditator labels the thoughts related to being lost, and then returns to the breath. The following practices help the meditator with their inevitable challenges of slipping off the breath:

Following

With Following you “practice recognizing the individual sensations that make up each in-and out-breath. First, carefully observe the sensations between the beginning and end of the in-breath until you can recognize three or four distinct sensations every time. Continue to observe the rest of the breath cycle just as clearly as before. When you can consistently recognize several sensations with every in-breath, do the same with the out-breath. Your intention will be to follow the breath with vividness and clarity, and to be aware of very fine details. If you miss the mark, don’t worry. You always have the next breath to work with.”

Connecting

Connecting is an extension of following that involves making comparisons and associations.

You connect “by observing the two [breath] pauses closely, and notice which is longer and which is shorter. Next, compare the in-and out-breaths to each other. Are they the same length, or is one longer than the other? When you can compare the lengths clearly, expand the task to include relative changes over time. Are the in-and out-breaths longer or shorter than they were earlier? If the in-breath was longer than the out-breath, or vice versa, is that still the case? Are the pauses between the in-and out-breaths longer or shorter than they were? Is the longer of the two pauses still the same as before?”

Investigating the breath

“Once you reach Stages Four and Five, your introspective awareness will have improved enough that you can start connecting the details of the breath cycle to your state of mind. When you find the mind agitated and there are more distractions, ask yourself: Is the breath longer or shorter, deeper or shallower, finer or coarser than when the mind is calm? What about the length or depth of the breath during a spell of drowsiness? Do states of agitation, distraction, concentration, and dullness affect the out-breath more or in a different way than they do with the in-breath? Do they affect the pause before the in-breath more or less than they affect the pause before the out-breath? The actual number of sensations you can perceive isn’t that important. What matters is that your perception grows sharper, and that you stay interested in, and attentive to the breath.”

As we are following and connecting, distractions are bound to start up again. Culadasa says, “when attention alternates between the breath and a sound, thought, feeling, or bodily sensation, flickering even briefly between the two, it’s a distraction. There are typically several such distractions in your field of conscious awareness at any one time. You might not notice these movements of attention because they’re so rapid. Nevertheless, this alternating attention creates a scattering of attention to distractions. These are the distractions that potentially cause forgetting.”

Labeling

To manage forgetting, Culadasa recommends we “use labeling to practice identifying the distraction in the very moment you realize you’re no longer on the breath. The practice of labeling will strengthen your introspective awareness enough so you can consistently identify which distractions are most likely to steal your attention in the first place. Introspective awareness will eventually be strong enough to alert you to a distraction before forgetting happens. If you catch yourself thinking about your next meal or something that happened yesterday, give the distraction a neutral label such as ‘thinking,’ ‘planning,’ or ‘remembering.’ Simple, neutral labels are less likely to cause further distractions by getting you caught up in the labeling. If there was a series of thoughts, only label the most recent one. Also, always avoid analyzing distractions, which only creates more distraction. Once you’ve labeled the distraction, gently direct your attention back to the breath.”

Checking in

Culadasa says, “Instead of waiting for introspective awareness to arise spontaneously, you intentionally turn your attention inward to see what’s happening in the mind. Doing this check-in requires longer periods of stable attention. Checking in not only strengthens introspective awareness, but also allows you to correct for gross distraction before it causes forgetting. It’s like you’re intentionally shifting your attention to take a ‘snapshot’ of the mind’s current activity to see if some distraction is about to make you forget. When you notice a gross distraction, tighten up attention on the breath to prevent forgetting."

"It may also help to take a moment to label the distraction before returning to the breath. When you recognize a gross distraction before it completely captures your attention, return your attention to the breath and sharpen up your focus. That will keep you from forgetting. Sometimes, just identifying a gross distraction as a gross distraction is enough to make it dissipate. If it doesn’t, engage with the breath as fully as you can until it does. If it keeps returning, just keep repeating this simple process. Checking in should become a habit.”

Dullness

Another interesting passage, is Culadasa’s suggestions for dealing with dullness. He looks at it as a big threat to progression for the practitioner. To detect dullness you have to see first if what you have is drowsiness. He says, “if you’re fatigued by physical or mental stress, illness, or lack of sleep, you’ll be sleepy during meditation. So, regard a good night’s rest as an important part of your practice.” There are some meditators that like to test how little sleep you can get away with, when on retreat, but if you aren't doing this and “still find yourself getting drowsy, you’ll know it’s dullness related to meditation.” Dullness can go from mild to strong and Culadasa provides a list that goes from mild to strong to progressively deal with this obstacle.

He recommends the following:

Take three or four deep breaths, filling the lungs as much as possible, and hold for a moment. Then exhale as forcefully and completely as possible through tightly pursed lips.

Tense all the muscles in your body until you begin to tremble slightly, then relax. Repeat several times.

Meditate while standing up.

Do walking meditation.

Worst-case scenario, get up, splash cold water on your face, then go back to practicing.

Eliminating thoughts causes dullness

Another cause of dullness is "when we turn the mind inward, [it] reduces the constant flow of thoughts and sensations that usually keep the mind energized and alert. Therefore, the overall energy level of the mind drops. With less stimulation, the brain winds down toward sleep, and the mind grows dull. This normally happens when we’re fatigued or at bedtime. In meditation, it’s not just turning inward that decreases mental energy, but when we focus on the breath too intensely and for too long, we are also excluding the thoughts and sensations that usually keep the mind alert. This is another reason why 'looking beyond' the meditation object with peripheral awareness is so important. When we stay aware of things in the background, we continue to stimulate brain activity and won’t sink into dullness."

Thoughts in meditation

Culadasa says, "there is a common misconception that stilling the mind means getting rid of thoughts and blocking out all distractions. Often, students try to suppress these by focusing more intensely on the meditation object. This may seem like a reasonable strategy. Yet brute force never works for long in meditation. You simply can’t force the mind to do something it doesn’t want to. Also, since you have increased your mindfulness throughout the preceding Stages, you’re more conscious than ever of all the background mental activity, which also makes suppression impossible."

"Stilling the mind means reducing the constant movement of attention between the breath and gross distractions. The key to doing this is directing and sustaining attention. However, to succeed, you’ll also need strong peripheral awareness, so you can notice potential distractions before they actually capture your attention. For example, when you’re carrying a full cup of hot tea through a crowded room, you want to sustain your attention on the cup while remaining aware of everything else around you. That way you can avoid a collision. Similarly, keep your primary focus on the breath and simply allow all other sensations and mental events in your peripheral awareness to just be there. Let them come, let them be, let them go."

The Mind Illuminated

This is a long book, and like Seeing that frees by Rob Burbea, it pays to master the earlier material before moving onto the more advanced material to ensure efficient progress.

There are ten stages, so there is potentially years or decades of practice instructions in this guide. He describes what the meditator is to expect if they are diligent:

“[When] you have mastered Stage Ten and achieved the fourth and final Milestone when [concentration] typically persists from one regular meditation session to the next. Strong desires are noticeably weaker, negative mental reactions rarely occur, and anger and ill will virtually disappear. Others may find you generally happy and easily pleased, relaxed, agreeable, unaggressive, and peaceful. You will be relatively immune to disturbing events, and physical pain won’t particularly bother you. On mastering Stage Ten, the mind is described as unsurpassable.”

I’ll leave you with Culadasa’s quote from the Anapanasati Sutta, which encapsules good practice:

Experiencing the mind while breathing in, he trains himself. Experiencing the mind while breathing out, he trains himself.

Making the mind tranquil and fresh while breathing in, he trains himself. Making the mind tranquil and fresh while breathing out, he trains himself.

Concentrating the mind while breathing in, he trains himself. Concentrating the mind while breathing out, he trains himself.

Releasing the mind while breathing in, he trains himself. Releasing the mind while breathing out, he trains himself.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Developing Introspective Awareness

[embed]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT1HpYIg-oE[/embed]

The Nature of Ultimate Reality

youtube

The Mind Illuminated: A Complete Meditation Guide Using Buddhist Wisdom and Brain Science - Culadasa: https://www.isbns.net/isbn/9781501156984/

Dharma Treasure: https://dharmatreasure.org/

The Anapanasati Sutta: http://psychreviews.org/category-contemplativepractice-theanapanasatisutta/

Thanissaro Bhikkhu - Mental Stirrings: https://www.dhammatalks.org/Archive/y2004/040227%20Mental%20Stirrings.mp3

Contemplative Practice: http://psychreviews.org/category/contemplativepractice/

#meditation #buddhism #Youtube

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mikeo56 · 2 months

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At this point in history the most effective way for westerners to fight the empire and build support for revolutionary change is to undermine public support for western status quo systems and institutions. One does this by using every means at their disposal to help people see that the power structures which rule over us don’t serve our interests, and that they are in fact profoundly evil and destructive.

It takes a flash of insight for a westerner to be able to really see the perniciousness of the US-centralized empire in all its blood-soaked glory. This is because westerners spend their entire lives marinating in empire propaganda from childhood, which has normalized and manufactured their consent for the murderous, exploitative and oppressive power structure we live under. The current status quo is all they’ve ever known, and the idea that something better might be possible is alien to them.

Teachers of spiritual enlightenment point students to the truth of their being in as many ways as possible in an effort to facilitate a flash of insight into reality. The reason they do that rather than saying the same words over and over again from day to day is because everyone’s mind is unique and ever-changing, and what knocks things home for one student one day will just be useless noise to another student who will later pop open at something completely different. The receptivity to insight varies from person to person.

Similarly, a westerner who’s been swimming in empire propaganda their whole life won’t have their moment of insight into the depraved nature of the empire until something lands for them that they are personally receptive to. Someone who isn’t receptive to words about the exploitative and ecocidal nature of global capitalism may be receptive to the threat of rapidly expanding censorship, surveillance, police militarization and other authoritarian measures. Someone who is unbothered by the empire’s nuclear brinkmanship with Russia and looming war with China may have their heart broken and their worldview changed when shown what is happening in Gaza.

What triggers the opening of one pair of eyes may not be what triggers another. A kickboxer doesn’t throw only overhand rights because that happened to be what scored a knockout in his last bout, he throws a diverse array of strikes in varied combinations at all levels to overwhelm the defenses of his opponent and land a fight-ending blow. When fighting the empire, one needs to bring the same approach.

Look for fresh opportunities to show westerners that the mass media are deceiving and propagandizing them to get them questioning their assumptions about what they’ve been told about the world. Look for fresh opportunities to show them evidence that the US war machine is the most murderous and destructive force on this planet. Look for fresh opportunities to show them how status quo systems create a far less beneficial society and a far less healthy world than what we could have under different systems. You never know what could be the one thing that snaps somebody’s eyes open.

Nothing you do on this front is wasted effort. All positive changes in human behavior at any level are always preceded by an expansion of awareness, so anything you can do to help bring awareness to the reality of our situation is energy well spent. Any effort you make to shove human consciousness toward the light of truth in even the tiniest way has a beneficial effect on our species.

So use whatever tools you can to make that happen. Have conversations, attend demonstrations, put up signs and stickers, write, tweet, make podcasts, make videos — whatever you find effective for you. Just make sure you’re coming at this thing from as many angles as possible, because diversifying your attacks on the mind control machine is the best way to get through its defenses.

#US Media #politics #empire #war #journalism

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gorillawithautism · 6 months

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the grief that comes to me every time i'm forced to confront my father's "politics" gets a little more unbearable each time

he was always the one who understood me. my mother was always the problem parent. and for a long time i was convinced that my father had no part in all of it. i was convinced that my mother was the reason i was put through the troubled teen industry (tti).

i know it's foolish (and i think somewhere in me i've always known it was foolish) but in my mind i had combined the traits of my mother and the traits of my father into one mass and then separated out all the negative aspects and associated them with my mother and all the positive with my father.

i let myself believe that it was my mothers fault. that i got brainwashed and institutionally abused because of her. and that my father's only part in it was that he was spineless. that he went along with it because he can't bear to consider that sometimes my mother is in the wrong.

i think i had a couple reasons for conceptualizing them in this way. one is that to some extent i'm a product of my abuse. i developed bpd because of that place. black and white thinking is already something i struggled with but since developing bpd it's more prominent. and it works itself into my relationships more insidiously. it's hard to notice it. especially in those relationships i had access to while i was developing bpd because it was a gradual shift. it wasn't something i could identify because it didn't come on suddenly and i wasn't aware of how i was changing. in fact i was manipulated into thinking the ways in which i was changing were all good. progress toward graduating the program. the second is for my own survival. i have to live with them. and that means i have to communicate with them regularly. it's much easier to do that when i have reason to avoid one but not the other. i can talk minimally with my mother and substitute her with my father for any of the most necessary conversations. it's easier that way.

but confronting the fact that my father believes that black people should "protest peacefully" for their right to live or that hamas is a terrorist organization or that israel has a right to exist (even if he "disapproves of how they're going about it" ie murdering palestinians) forces me to also confront that he's not "the better parent." it forces me to confront that he may have had more of a hand in my own abuse.

on some level i still think i will always get along better with him than with my mother, not because i can ignore the injustices of his belief systems, but because i can get through an apolitical conversation (like about what's for dinner or something) with him without it ending with someone upset. that's something i can't do with my mother.

but having to break down something that was partially built up for my survival is difficult. it means i have to grieve this idolized version of my father i have in my head. and it means i have to remember things about my tti experience that i so desperately wish to forget.

#swingset #sws obsidian #troubled teen industry #i process publicly because in private i cannot find the words. i have to pretend i'm speaking to someone

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mediopinions · 6 months

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5 Common Myths About Vaccines and Why They Are Wrong

If we are to take the list of all major human advancements, vaccines will rank among the top five. They have been the saving force of millions of human lives. From preventing disabling diseases to helping patients suffering from infectious diseases to return to life, vaccines have had a tremendous impact on mankind.

But, how do vaccines weave their magic? At a molecular level, vaccines work with your body’s natural defenses to build protection against diseases that can be serious or even deadly. When you get vaccinated, you not only protect yourself, but you are also helping build herd immunity by preventing the spreading of the disease.

However, despite creating all awareness about vaccines, there is still a minority who harbor doubts or fears about getting vaccinated or vaccinating their near and dear. Their doubts and fears are founded on myths and misconceptions that lack scientific backing. These myths are the primary cause of confusion and anxiety, and also why there is always a small minority that escapes from vaccinating themselves for preventable diseases.

That’s why we have created this blog: to debunk some of the common myths and misconceptions about vaccines and provide you with factual and evidence-based information.

Let’s get started!

Myth 1: Vaccines are unsafe because of their hurried development

One of the myths that some people may have about vaccines is that they are unsafe because of their unsafe development. Case in point: the COVID-19 vaccines. However, this is far from true. All vaccines, including COVID-19 vaccines, undergo a rigorous testing and approval process before they are authorized and released for public use.

The testing happens in a lab where it is subject to various combinations and permutations of tests to ensure that it has no reactions, allergies, or side effects. Then, it’s tested in people in clinical trials to make sure it’s safe and effective. There are three phases of clinical trials:

Phase 1 is done in a small group of people. Scientists first determine if the vaccine is safe and test different doses.

Phase 2 is done in hundreds of people who have characteristics similar to the intended recipients of the vaccine. Scientists gather more information on safety, side effects, and immune response.

Phase 3 is done in thousands of people and compared with a similar group of people who did not get the vaccine. Scientists measure how well the vaccine prevents the disease and monitor its safety in a large population2.

The COVID-19 vaccines were developed faster than usual because of several factors, such as:

Unprecedented global collaboration, funding, and scientific innovation

Availability of advanced technologies and platforms for vaccine development

Prior knowledge and experience from previous coronavirus outbreaks

Streamlined regulatory and administrative processes without compromising safety standards

Overlapping phases of clinical trials to save time while ensuring quality dat

The fact is, like any approved medicine, vaccines can cause some side effects, however, they are usually mild and short-lived. For example, the COVID-19 vaccines showed some side effects like pain, redness, and swelling at the injection site, followed by tiredness, headache, muscle pain, chills, fever, and nausea.

These side effects do not indicate that your body is revolting to the vaccine. Instead, these effects are normal signs that your body is building protection against the virus. They usually go subside in a few days.

Therefore, we can safely conclude that vaccines are safe and effective because they undergo extensive testing and approval before they are used.

Myth 2: Vaccines can cause the disease they are supposed to prevent

Another widespread myth about vaccines is that they can cause the disease they are supposed to prevent. The knowledge that treated viruses of the disease are sometimes used as the vaccine had led to the myth. However, this is also not true. Vaccines are designed to stimulate your immune system to fight off the disease without causing infection.

Depending on the type of vaccine, the immune response will vary. Some of the main types of vaccines are:

Live attenuated vaccines use a weakened form of the germ that causes the disease. These vaccines are very similar to natural infection, so they provide strong and long-lasting immunity. Examples of diseases that can only be prevented by live attenuated vaccines are measles, mumps, and rubella.

Inactivated or subunit vaccines use killed or inactivated germs or specific parts of the germ, such as proteins or sugars. These vaccines cannot cause infection, but they may not provide immunity that is as strong or long-lasting as live attenuated vaccines. Therefore, they may require booster shots to maintain protection. Examples of diseases that can be prevented by inactivated or subunit vaccines are COVID-19, polio, and hepatitis B.

Live attenuated vaccines cannot cause the disease in healthy people because the weakened germs cannot multiply enough to make you sick. However, in very rare cases, some people with weakened immune systems or other health conditions may not be able to safely receive live attenuated vaccines. That’s why it’s important to talk to your healthcare provider before getting vaccinated if you have any concerns about your health or medical history.

Inactivated or subunit vaccines cannot cause the disease at all because they do not contain any live germs. However, they may cause some mild side effects, such as pain, redness, and swelling at the injection site or fever, headache, and muscle pain. These side effects are normal signs that your body is building protection and they usually go away within a few days.

All said, we can safely assume that vaccines do not cause the disease they are supposed to prevent. They help your body create protective antibodies without causing infection.

Myth 3: Vaccines contain toxic ingredients that can harm you

Well, we just dispelled the fact that vaccines, although contain treated viruses, are not toxic in nature. But, does the lab treatment add any other toxic ingredients? However, this is another myth that is not based on facts. Vaccines contain only the ingredients they need to be safe and effective, and each ingredient serves a specific purpose.

Some of the common ingredients in vaccines are:

Water, salts, and sugars

Fats and proteins

Adjuvants

Stabilizers

Preservatives

Residual ingredients

All these ingredients are tested and approved by regulatory authorities, such as the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) in the U.S., to ensure their safety and quality. The amount of each ingredient in a vaccine is carefully measured and controlled, and it is far below the level that can cause any harm to your health.

Here is a possible section for the blog:

Myth 4: The natural immunity I get from being sick with COVID-19 is better than the immunity I get from COVID-19 vaccination

Well, it is good to have confidence in one’s health and well-being. However, it is always foolhardy to assume against grave viruses like COVID-19 for which there is little intel available. One of the myths that has surfaced recently is that getting sick with COVID-19 and recovering from it will give them better immunity than getting vaccinated. However, getting a COVID-19 vaccine is a safer and more dependable way to build immunity than getting sick with COVID-19.

There are two main ways to acquire immunity to a disease: natural immunity and vaccine-induced immunity.

Natural immunity is created when your body is exposed to a germ and your body produces antibodies and T cells to fight it off.

Vaccine-induced immunity is created when you receive a vaccine that contains weakened or inactivated germs or parts of them.

The evidence shows that natural immunity to COVID-19 is not as reliable or durable as vaccine-induced immunity. Studies have found that Natural immunity to COVID-19 can vary widely among individuals and may not be sufficient to prevent reinfection or symptomatic disease, especially with the Delta variant (Source: UCLA Health). All said, getting a COVID-19 vaccine is a safer and more dependable way to build immunity.

Myth 5: Getting a COVID-19 vaccine will cause me to test positive on a viral test or alter my DNA

It is a common myth that getting a COVID-19 vaccine will cause them to test positive on a viral test or alter their DNA. However, this is another myth that is not based on facts. None of the authorized COVID-19 vaccines can cause you to test positive on viral tests or infect you with the virus. They also do not enter your nucleus or change your DNA.

None of the authorized COVID-19 vaccines can cause you to test positive on viral tests or infect you with the virus. This is because they do not contain any live virus that can multiply or cause infection in your body. They only contain parts of the virus or instructions for making them.

Getting a COVID-19 vaccine will not cause you to test positive on a viral test or alter your DNA. They will only cause you to test positive on an antibody test, which means that you have developed immunity to COVID-19.

Conclusion

We hope we have debunked some of the common myths and misconceptions about vaccines and provided you with factual and evidence-based information. Vaccination is one of the most effective ways to prevent diseases and save lives. When you get vaccinated, you not only protect yourself but also help stop the spread of diseases to others in your community. Don’t let these myths stop you from protecting yourselves from any kind of pandemics or far-spreading diseases.

#immunity #healthcare #vaccine #covid 19

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