#come into my inbox with an attitude and that's where i'll meet you!

[causticsunshine]

If you don't like a person do go follow them/their actions. It's stupid to do that and then cry about it. If you don't think someone has the same ideals as you, leave them, you speculating or saying you don't like them isn't doing anything. This is for the anon as well as you. Maybe if you don't like someone, don't interact with them. It's that simple

wow apparently you can't call someone out because you care anymore either, guys! pack it up! i guess when you call someone out to do or be better it automatically means you don't like them anymore, or that you've been hate-following them, so you should just eradicate them completely from your life!

it's literally always this argument with you people when someone critiques the actions of a famous person/celebrity you like. clearly you're missing the mindset or nuance of 'i speak up because i care' and it's honestly people like you that make me despise the general fanbase ideology around irl people, because so many of you seem to think if someone isn't onboard with everything someone does, it automatically means you don't like them and you should just leave. but wow, crazy, that's not always how life works? that's not really how most interpersonal relationships, or to a degree, parasocial relationships, work. or how they SHOULD work. of course, this depends on what the thing IS that you don't like and the impact it has on you or others that often leads to speaking up, dealing with it and moving forward, or cutting someone out of your life, but that's all case specific. that's what we often call nuance.

in this case, if you care about or like someone enough to want them to do better, how are they going to do that if you just stay quiet, let them get away with things, or leave? do you think they're gonna notice a handful of people not watching their movies, buying their albums, interacting with their posts, what have you? of course not. and they're not going to just assume we've got an issue either if no one's speaking up, or is only whispering nice things in their ear, or the ears of their PR teams.

speaking up or out when it comes to the actions of someone with reach or power is important, because their words will reach more people--as will their silence. and that's what we've been seeing so far from a lot of people, including ones we like: silence.

also, wherein did i say in my last ask that i didn't like anyone? clearly you just don't like it when people you like or people within the realm of your interests get addressed or called out for things. maybe it makes you uncomfortable, maybe you believe your parasocial relationship is 'special', maybe you just have a convoluted way of looking at these things, but it's not my job to psychoanalyze why that is. in general though, dumbing everything down into a black or white issue or good versus bad and removing the contextual nuance to a situation is going to make your life very hard in the longrun because, newsflash! most things in life require fun little things like context and nuance to help us determine how to handle them!

i'm sorry you don't seem to understand that it's important for as many people as possible, with tiny circles to worldwide reach, to at the very fucking least speak up when thousands upon thousands of people are being actively displaced and tortured and murdered whilst several of our countries' governments are twiddling their thumbs letting it happen for the sake of money and power! if you see us wanting better and for more people to use their voices for good as simply a like versus dislike issue, that's something you're really gonna need to work on, pal.

[zanniscaramouche]

No one can claim that I'm fast, but hey! I finally had a moment to sit down and find some fics for a lovely anon who wandered into my inbox looking for classical musician!larry. A few of these are a little bit of a stretch, but hopefully there's something here you enjoy! You'll see little blue hearts along with a lil comment from me on those I have read (admittedly not that many, oops) This is definitely an AU I'd love to see more fic for! It's possible there's more out there, alas it doesn't seem to be commonly tagged. Make sure to tag your fics folks! It makes filtering for things like this so much easier! 💙

🎼 the school of extraordinary lovers // stylinsoncity @stylinsoncity - 191k "We keep telling the other, I love you and I love you, and we do, though we both know where the knives are." - Laura Van Prooyen

harry is a third-year witch and violinist at Laitswold, the only magical academy in the UK, with dreams of taking on the world, and hopefully breaking the centuries-old curse on his family while he's at it. he does not dream of facing off against his childhood rival and duet partner, but louis is back in town after six years abroad, so that's exactly what happens.

🎼 Love Is A Rebellious Bird // 100percentsassy, gloria_andrews - 134k AU in which the boys still make music. Louis is the concertmaster of the London Symphony Orchestra, Harry is the New! and Exciting! interim conductor/ex-cello prodigy who "has made Mozart cool again" according to Esquire Magazine (Louis hates him immediately, which is definitely why he internet stalked him in his dark bedroom late at night that one time), and Niall is the best. Zayn and Liam are around too.

Don't hum Bolero.

💙 zannithinks: one of those 'classics' that many love! I really enjoyed this fic, and as someone who hears Bolero every year at a local festival I think of this fic often

🎼 Saving Symphony Hall // HelloAmHere @helloamhere - 124k “I think I have an idea,” Louis said. Slowly, and reluctantly, but with a growing sense of the inevitable. “God damnit, I think I have a really good idea.”

“Oh christ, that's the problem-solving face,” Babs said. “Last time we saw that face, he sold a company.”

“Wait, what?” Zayn asked.

“Right place, right time,” Louis said. “Also, fuck my life,”

“What?” Zayn repeated. Niall patted his hand.

“I usually just roll with whatever Louis is about to do,” he said. “It’s better for us all.”

“That’s the attitude,” said Louis, “I’ll tell you tomorrow. Tonight, I need to do some research. Zayn, give me your number. I’m gonna save our symphony.”

💙 zannithinks: I looooove this one! A well developed world and lovable OC's, this is definitely the first fic I think of when I think Larry and Classical Music

🎼 Where Words Fail, Music Speaks // Larry_you_know @larryyouknow - 45k Louis is a world class violinist. He’s one year over forty, living his best life in New York. One day, he comes to a small town in Connecticut where he inherited a house from his late father. The town looks nice and its people welcome him warmly. The problem is that Louis never knew his father and he doesn’t intend to change anything about it - his father can stuff his last will up his treacherous ass. In a strange coincidence, Louis meets town troubadour Harry, who seems wonderful to him just right until he reveals that Louis’ father was like a dad to him.

Even though Louis tries to convince himself that it shouldn’t - it hurts.

🎼 Until You Remember // Throwthemflowers - 21k Talented London pianist Louis Tomlinson moves to a small coastal town to escape the elites of his job and the mundanity of his life. Through the music of Debussy he finds a charming, wonderful friend in Harry Styles, the fiancé of the town's mayor. Louis thinks his pining is in vain until he discovers that all may not be as it seems….

🎼 And I'll Be Here When Only the Silence Remains // louisniall @louisniaii - 19k The one where Louis is a top notch mute violinist and Harry might just be the person he trusts most

🎼 Back to the Sign, and Play Through the End // tomlinsunshine - 17k Louis is a globally renowned pianist; Harry is the worst page turner this world has ever known.

🎼 Take more of my space, why don't you? // otfuckingp - 10k Of course, the universe is not on Louis’ side, nor on the side of his mental health. Just as he starts to think they might get away with this empty seat -- yes, they. He and Instrument Man are in this together, a united front against the forces of any more people-- one more person steps onto the plane. He bypasses the first fifteen rows without so much as a falter, but the fact that he slows around 17 gives Louis pause. There aren’t many empty seats in this section... Surely not. Surely the universe wouldn’t be so cruel as to do this to him.

And then there’s another body landing in the seat next to Instrument Man. Well, “landing” might be too polite. Crashing, is more like it. Within the first ten seconds, he’s elbowed instrument Man in the side, dropped something on the floor, and nearly tripped a stewardess with the exuberant flailing of his legs. All in all, completely shattering the tentative silence in row 21 DEF. Fuck.//

Harry and Louis meet on a plane. Louis is not impressed, until he is.

🎼 What is simple in the moonlight, never really is. // judgementdays @judgementdays - 5k And then they're talking, like they always do on late nights. They talk about the future, about the cute girl who was checking Harry out at Tesco's, about the cute boy who asked for Louis' number the other day. They mostly end up talking about their auditions for the school of their dreams, though.

or

Louis plays piano and Harry plays guitar and they're both trying to get into Juilliard but feelings sort of happen.

🎼 Play Me Something Sweet // nonsensedarling @absolutenonse - 4k “Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Louis says. Harry just looks at him and lifts an eyebrow in silent question. “How about if you pretend I’m your cello as you try it out, like we used to?” Or Harry's good at a lot of instruments, but his favorite one to play is Louis.

💙 zannithinks: this one is spicey!!!!

🎼 And I've got something missing tonight. // whisperedbrave @louistomlindaughter - 2k That night, much like many others, he finishes his dinner and falls asleep to the sound of his neighbor and his piano.

-

or the one where Harry's upstairs neighbor plays the piano every night. one night he stops and Harry can't sleep.

[shitpostingkats]

Obsessed with these tags OP omg

First of all, how dare you stab me in the heart with that comparison to Jesse. I can absolutely see it. Now I want to know how Jesse would come into play in all this- Cod I love Spiritshipping they were meant for each other <3

Second, I know I already requested Yuya and Jaden interactions (and oh boy did you deliver), but now you have me intrigued. Like it doesn't even have to be the groupchat AU, I'm just genuinely curious now how you think Jaden would interact with all four of the Yu Boys. I am giving you an excuse to write Jaden and Yuri interacting also because to be completely honest I love Yuya to bits and pieces but Yuri has always been my favorite of the four. <3 "Yuri is the violence" Dear cod I want to see the two of them tear into someone. I have no idea who exactly but they would be terrifying. Give them an audience perchance. Maybe the rest of the protags. (I live for reactions) I'm living for this.

Jaden meets them and it's like witnessing all the parts of himself he keeps tucked to his chest exposed for everyone to see. He sees Yuto and wants to wrap him in a hug and tell him nothing was his fault. (He's a hypocrite, he knows he (Jaden) deserved everything he got. He didn't, he really didn't) He sees Yuya and sees the mask he's put up for so long, sees his attitude of "maybe if I ignore this then it'll all go away" and wonders if his own mask ever looked this close to cracking. He sees Yugo and wants to scream and tear his hair out because when did he lose that part of himself? When did the mask truly become a mask, when did he lose that spark that made life seem actually worth living? (He knows damn well when he lost it.) He sees Yuri and sees a world where he gave in completely to the madness, where he found comfort in the pain because it was the one time he truly felt like he was in control. He wonders what it cost him, if it cost anything at all. He wonders what friends he sacrificed to get where he is now, and if it was worth it. He looks into his eyes and thinks maybe it was. He wonders if maybe their worlds aren't as dissimilar as he first thought. (That thought alone might scare him more than anything.)

It's late and I'm not very good with words (at the moment at least) But you have got me HOOKED and you are currently my only source for this dynamic, I will be plaguing your ask box for a good week at least, I hope you know this- (Feel free to tell me to chill out at any time btw, I just saw your blog description and took that as a personal challenge sdfghj /lh)

Much love <3

*hands you back your worksheet and it looks like this*

*hands you stickers hands you a candy from the candy bowl, never worry about blowing up my inbox, I love hearing from people, hands you a tangerine*

Bestie you are doing such a good job thank you for the kind words, also your mind. I hadn't realized the potential for Yugo + Jaden interactions until you started messaging, now I am rocked by the implications. Now I have to write the yu-bois into the gc au. Can't promise I'll publish anything anytime soon, but I'm always excited to talk about these funny card game guys.

Yuri and Jaden the reformed supervillain and the still-thinks-he-has-to-be-the-evil-brother. Jaden is trying to nudge the guy in the right direction but totally worried because he is only barely older than him and still kinda a mess, meanwhile Yuri would gladly sell Jaden for one corn chip but also belligerently hangs out with him because he kinda is one of the best fusion duelists in the world, maybe he can learn some things. Yuri is like "Let's rob this 7/11! >:3" and Jaden is like "Oooh! There's a deal on slushies!"

Reformed murder hobo in the body of a college student tries to reform child murder hobo: seven injured, Yugo's on the roof, more on this story at 11.

[babyharleezy]

Reader goes into labor and Jack races from the studio to meet you at the hospital and it's just a super cute, fluffy birth story 💗

harlow the baby daddy

(jack harlow x reader)

bloo's notes: we clearin out my inbox!!! enjoy my loves!! @sealpuptrash thank you for helping me!! also picking names is so hard lmfao.

tag list: @harlowcomehome @wittyjasontodd @creme-delacreme @sealpuptrash @moody4world @thinkingboutjharlow

you weren't due for another two weeks which is why you encouraged jack to go to the studio in the first place. he had gotten a call from one of his homies, asking if jack would be down to come to the studio. he hesitated to say yes but you assured him that you would be fine and you would just chill.

"okay y/n i'm leaving baby. i'll see you in a bit. i love you ma" jack said before he kissed you and then leaned down to your belly and kissed your belly. he picked up on the habit of kissing your belly the minute you told him you were pregnant.

it had been a few hours since jack left and it was around 11 pm. you were just putting some finishing touches in babygirls room before you started feeling a bit of pain in your abdomen. you could tell that they were contractions but they were far apart so you ignored it for a bit. then they started becoming closer to each other and that's when you decided to panic. you picked up your phone and immediately called jack.

"jack she's coming. like now." you said into the phone, sending jack into a panic. "are you sure? i thought her release date wasn't until two weeks from now" he said. "jack i think i would know if she was coming or not" you replied with a slight attitude. "right. okay baby don't worry i'll be hope soon" jack said, trying to bring you some comfort. he told the guys and of course clay and urban wanted to come along so the three guys climbed into the car.

even though the studio was 20 minutes away it felt so much farther than it actually way. "are you ready to be a dad" clay asked his big brother. "yeah man i think i'm ready. i'm scared as hell but i know i'll be fine especially since i have y/n" jack said with fully honesty. "you'll be a great dad. y/n and you have so many people who will help you and love baby girl" urban reassured his life long friend. "thanks guys, you two are gonna be great uncles" jack told urban and clay just as they made their way into the driveway, leaving them no time to argue over who would be a better uncle always a damn competition with them. the three boys rushed inside the home to the soon to be mother.

"y/n i'm home baby, where are you?" jack called out the minute he walked through the door. "hey baby, i'm in baby girl's room" you hollered back from up the stairs. "okay don't move, we're on our way up" and just like the the three men were running up the stairs.

"hey baby how you doing?" jack asked you sweetly. "i feel contractions and i'm scared jack. i am so fucking scared" you confessed, tears filling your eyes. this is when clay and urban start panicking as well. "okay okay it's alright baby. you're gonna do amazing" jack reassured you, he was trying to calm himself down without freaking you out even more. urban had grabbed the hospital bag and clay had grabbed a few things you had asked for. jack helped you down the stairs and within minutes the four of you were in the car, on your way to the hospital.

luckily you had called your doctor before hand and he made sure everything was prepared. the four of you made your way to the hospital suite, where you would be staying in. it was like a hotel room, very spacious. clay and urban stayed for a little before you told them they should go home and rest up and come back in the morning. "thank you urban and clay for being here. i love you" you said to them before they left for the night. it was just you and jack for a while before you had to start pushing. until then jack was stuck by your side, aiding you when necessary. the contractions were getting extremely close and the pain was unbearable. jack held your hand the entire time, whispering words of encouragement into your ears.

"okay y/n, we're gonna have you start pushing here in a minute" the doctor said and you nodded. you were scared as fuck to say the least. "hey mamas, you're gonna do amazing. you are so strong and i can't wait for you to bring our baby girl into the world" jack whispered to you just before he planted a kiss onto your lips.

~ a few hours later ~

your baby girl had arrived at 3:33 am, weighing in at 7 lbs and 13 ounces, and she was 18 inches. you and jack were in aw of your baby girl; little miss Giselle May Harlow.

[eyesofshan-if]

"in this story it's hard to implement female characters who can contribute to the plot" i really don't understand why tho? don't get me wrong, i'm not trying to be rude nor am i trying to get you to make changes you don't want to make, and i absolutely don't think you had any malicious intentions, but this is an attitude i've seen from multiple IF authors and i just... don't understand it. even in your game, most male ROs could just as well be female and the story would still very much make sense. there would be changes, yes, especially since they do live in a patriarchal society, but it would absolutely be doable. so i don't understand why it was possible to come up with compelling roles and plotlines for 4 different male characters, but more than one female character was too hard.

as i said, i'm not implying you should flip your ROs genders, make more of them gender selectable (it's not even that good a solution when the RO in question was initially intended to be a man, in my opinion) or even add more ROs at all since there's already 6 of them and i understand the nightmare writing and coding more than that would be. i didn't come in your inbox to make any sort of demands at all, as i think you should absolutely write what you want and not make changes for other people, because that will only make the process of developing your game less enjoyable. but i did feel the need to comment on this, because i find it frustrating how widespread this kind of mindset is in the IF community and i think we should start challenging it a bit.

for what it's worth, even if i don't understand this particular choice you made, i really did enjoy your story and your writing, and i'm excited to meet the female RO and see what comes next. i thought the plot was interesting, the characters enjoyable, and the commander themself is a great main character. i hope this message didn't come off as rude or harsh, cause that really wasn't my intention, and i hope you have a good day!

answer under the cut because it's pretty long!!

don't worry either, i totally get where you're coming from!! the thing about this story is that it is very based on traditional east asian values, which means certain things such as there no being a standalone empress (which is why the emperor is unlikely to be female) and how there are no women in the army (which is why hansol won't be a female). since this part of the story focuses more on the commander's role in the army, which is more male dominated, it's hard to introduce the female characters now or have them contribute significantly to the plot - until later in the story when things become more political or tactical, which is when i'll introduce the female ROs!!

while i'm personally a big fan of significant female characters in stories, this specific story is meant to reflect those cultures, where women's positions in society were extremely restricted to the house or serve as maids in the palace. this struggle is something that is meant to be touched on for one of the future female characters, hence it would be out of place if everyone in prominent positions are female. i would also just like to say this thought of characters not contribute enough doesn't apply to just females. insu (the male RO) might also get axed as an RO because i might not be able to have him contribute enough to the plot.

but i do understand what you meant, and it's something i believe as well!! both female and male characters should be equally significant and have compelling storylines. however, in this story, this is the considerations i have gone through with considering the above. i hope this answer was satisfactory enough, or at the very least coherent. thank you for taking out the time to send this ask!!

[virtual-luvr]

Picture Perfect

Pairing: Kaeya x Reader

Pronouns: he/him

Content: flirt reader, flirty kaeya, alcohol consumption, nervous kaeya

Description: You're a hot man, Kaeya goes awooga. Beidou for best wingman award.

Notes: I stopped doing my comms for this one

---------------------------

Based off this picture Zyn sent me

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Requests are open; dont know for how long tho- feel free to request my inbox just make sure to read what I write for and request from those shows!

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The streets of Liyue Harbor bustled as Kaeya walked by. Strings of lights where everywhere and it brought an orange tint to the whole place. It seemed incredibly warm and comftorable here.

Soon the calm atmosphere changed as Kaeya opened the doors to a Liyue bar. Roars and yelling surrounded the place, glass clinking, pouring, cheers, you name it.

Kaeya calmly walked over towards the bar, he was used to this kind of atmosphere after all.

He orders a drink and soon enough his drinking buddy shows; "Kaeya, so nice to see you, it's been a long time hasn't it?"

He looks back with a wide grin, how could he not recognize that voice.

"Beidou, how was that trip to Inazuma? Is the traveller all right?"

"I bet you have lots of questions, I'll answer 'em as soon as you buy me one" She says, tone cocky, tilting her head towards the bartender. Gesturing for a drink.

Kaeya laughs and calls for the bartender, immediately asking for a few beers and shots.

They really like their alcohol.

They hadn't seen eachother for a while so even though they drank quite a bit, they didn't drink to the extent that they became drunk. They still wanted to have a good conversation that wasn't slurred.

Kaeya rests his chin on his palm as he listens to Beidou's stories, he was glad to here everything had been going well, with her travels and her lover.

Once she was done with her story she took her "last" swig from her beer bottle and looked straight ahead, behind Kaeya.

Kaeya looks back and sees you, he was almost awestruck. His eyes widened as his grip on his bottle falters, you looked so unique, so pretty.

The pretty boy himself had seen good looking men a few times in his life, but never like you. 

He almost didn't have the courage to go say hi, Kaeya always has courage why not now.

Beidou grasps his shoulder as he still keeps on staring at you.

"I knew he was your type, go talk to him"

"But I'm in Liyue, do you guys have any customs- i wouldn't dare want to look weird in front of him I mean I feel like I have no courage right now. He's hot I don't wanna look like a fool-"

"Oh shut up idiot, you're hot too you'll be fine."

Soon Kaeya is off his seat and booking it towards you. He tried to walk  with a normal stride, but it didn't work out that way.

He stumbled a bit as he gets into the corner of the bear you sat in.

A charming smile sets on his face as he starts conversation with you.

You only slip him a small smile back, confused on why such a man like him is talking to you.

You exchange names and you tilt your head as you hear his; "Kaeya is it? I've heard of you before, are you from Mondstadt"

He nods as you signal him to sit down beside you.

"Ahh I've heard a lot from you, especially that flirtatious attitude of yours"

"Oh is that so? Do you just want me to show you that attitude of mine, is that why you mentioned it?"

You only let out a laugh before looking back at him with a small grin; "maybe, I wouldn't pass up on the chance to flirt with such a pretty boy like you"

Kaeya's eyebrows raise as he lets out a whistle, he certainly wasn't expecting you to flirt back. You looked closed off when he first approached, but he guessed it was just first impressions now.

He looks at you, head tilted down as you place your hand behind the couch that you both sat on.

"Wasn't expecting that reaction from you, cant say I'm not pleasantly suprised"

You offer him a smile as you flag a waiter down; "some dandelion shots please"

"You drink too?" Kaeya asks

"No, at least not right now. But I saw you drinking before, so why not offer you some more."

"We just met and you already know me so well" He says as he leans closer to you. Not enough for it to be uncomfortable, but enough to almost get in your own personal space.

You don't budge, letting him know it was okay for him to make that move.

The two of you continue to talk until the shots come by and Kaeya downs them.

The alcohol was now getting to him but he wasn't worried, Beidou was still around and she wouldn't leave him all tipsy on the streets of Liyue.

Kaeya pulls out his phone with a grin before looking back at you; "would you take a picture with me?"

You raise a brow, you knew he was confident but you didn't think he would just ask for a picture so soon. Either way, you say yes and he huddles upto you.

Posing with a smile, your chest is pressed up against Kaeya's back and some of his hair tickled your face. You both smile before Kaeya takes the picture.

Before you could even react, Kaeya grabs your jaw and goes in for a kiss on the cheek.

That's when you hear the camera click.

He really lived up to his name doesn't he.

Kaeya let's out an airy laugh as he looks at the picture, quickly giving it a caption before sending it to the mondstadt group chat. Dozens of notifications coming in at the same time.

You place your hand on his shoulder as he continues to text; "Well Kaeya, it was nice meeting you but I can see how tipsy you're getting. I think it's time you go home, or are you renting a place right now?"

No answer, he only keeps on giggling as he sees the pestering messages from his brother and others.

You let out a huff before man handling him out of his seat and bringing him towards Beidou. Now a light blush coated his cheeks, not only did he find that incredibly attractive but you still had your hands on him.

"Sorry for that hun, promise I won't be doing that again without your permission. Here Beidou, it was nice seeing you again. Take care of him will you?" And with that you were gone.

Not before making sure you left Kaeya a note with your phone number on it.

[1150 words; oct/1/21] 

[lathalea]

Here I am have a question :D Do you have something like character list for Yrsa? Like yep I haven't read the first 3 chapters yet but even in this 4th one I've already found her quite interesting 😍

- @errruvande 💖

Hi @errruvande, I'm happy you popped by to my little cozy inbox! 💙

If you're here for Yrsa's description, I'll be happy to tell you a bit more about her :)

Yrsa, daughter of Yri

General description: This lovely Dwarf-woman is a Firebeard, coming from a family of hard-working dwarven craftsmen. They aren't rich, but they are very loyal and loving. As a traveling herbalist, she visits quite a few remote villages in the Blue Mountains throughout the year, returning to the family home from time to time, usually for the winter. Personality: Yrsa is very independent, stubborn as a mule, and always has her own way. Even if it sometimes doesn't make sense to anyone else. Even if it puts her into trouble sometimes ;) She is a kind-hearted and caring soul which makes her a good healer and friend. And when she puts on her herbalist hat, she may be quite bossy! Due to her background and type of work, she hasn't met many nobles nor royals in her life and she feels a bit intimidated by them. It's one thing to dance with a blacksmith and completely another to talk with a king about certain events that happened after drinking too much cider!!! She loves to laugh, dance and sing (and drink cider 🤣) and spends a lot of time in nature, gathering herbs and so on. She has this "where I lay my head is home" attitude and truly loves traveling. Yrsa doesn't trust Men much, unless they are accompanied by Dwarves. She had some bad experiences in the past with the Tall Ones. As for the Elves, she hasn't met any of them yet so she doesn't have an opinion.

Physical appearance: Yrsa is shorter than Thorin, but she is a sturdy lady (although her body type is definitely "curvy"). Unlike many other Dwarf-women, she is used to life on the road. Her mane of fiery locks is something that catches the eye of many (including a certain blacksmith king) and her eyes are green like emeralds. She likes to wear flowing skirts, smells of sweet herbs and there are a lot of different pouches attached to her belt. Her feminine looks may deceive some. She is not a warrior, but if she finds trouble on the road, she knows how to use her spear and bow to defend herself.

Random facts:

When Yrsa meets Thorin for the first time, 50 years have passed since the battle of Azanulbizar.

I haven't really made up my mind about her age, but she is probably around 10 years younger than Thorin (who is 103 at the time).

Her two older brothers are very protective of her, unintentionally scaring off any potential suitors for Yrsa's hand.

Due to her pale skin tone, Yrsa gets easily sunburned so she has to put sour milk on her skin. But... she likes sour milk a lot, so sometimes she just adds some berries to it and eats it instead ;)

I hope that now you know a bit more about her :)

I commissioned a wonderful artist to do a drawing of Yrsa and I can't wait to share it with you soon :) In the meantime - here's the link to the fic: Blame It on Cider.

[bronyinabottle]

In a recent post on I Dream of Twilight Sparkle I said that I noticed asks that were not in my inbox the last time I decided to read through my entire ask box. So I did the same for my mod blog. And while there were some also that I didn't see before. Most are questions I feel either I feel like I may have already sufficiently answered enough with my thoughts on an episode and/or it'd be weird at this point to answer something that's obviously years after the fact.

But there is two I found that I feel like I may want to respond to. The person who sent it was someone who used to discuss the show with me almost all the time, though obviously they must no longer be on Tumblr as all their blogs are deactivated. But I still want to answer since it is sort of relevant to recent stuff. Particularly in their 2nd ask.

By the way, I'm always open to questions on the show or even non-pony topics here on my modblog. I still do love talking about G4 ponies and I wouldn't mind some questions if any of you would like to know my opinion on anything. Now that the show has been over for nearly 2 years , I can have a perspective on many topics about Friendship is Magic that I wouldn't mind sharing. Maybe some things have changed here and there, though I think I still generally have a positive attitude towards most things for certain. I stuck with the show until the very end, and was satisfied with how it ended. And I still have interest in doing more in G4's world even as G5 approaches. (Though I'm sure perhaps once that movie has aired that may be the focus of any questions sent here)

((My answer and more after the break))

For the most part, I think I still generally agree with what I said in my initial thoughts about the Season 6 finale. It's a solid episode with some great interactions between Starlight, Trixie, Discord, and Thorax. Though the way the ending is executed is a bit of a headscratcher. Maybe somewhat less so since thinking about it now, like even if Chrysalis did keep some things loyal. What would stop them from eventually seeing what Thorax's changelings did shortly after.

But I suppose I wanted to answer this mostly about Starlight. Since while the Season 6 finale made HomerJ get over some remaining feelings about Starlight. I'll admit it took literally until writing Secrets of the Dragon's Tear (A year after the show was over) to realize the sort of potential that Starlight had. The baggage from the Season 5 finale always felt like a cloud above her for the entire rest of the show's run. And I consider Season 6's largest mistake is not trying harder to endear us to Starlight. That's what that season's entire job was, to try to make us feel a little better of how rather rushed Starlight's redemption was by giving us a more expanded look into Starlight's character. And unfortunately, I feel like it failed at that in my opinion. Thus I basically disagree (Though respect the opinion of) with those who would say the Season 6 finale was when Starlight finally won them over.

Don't get me wrong, I like how Starlight is portrayed in the episode. But it would of been stronger if say the season had explained more about Starlight's past. How did Starlight get her cutie mark, and given her opinion on Cutie Marks how did she feel at the time?

Instead, we mostly just got Starlight reuniting with Sunburst that didn't exactly give any more details to her rather vague reasons for turning to darkness from him moving away other then finding out Sunburst's personality and how his side of the story went. And from there we had Starlight befriend Trixie... in an episode I still don't really like to this day.

Ironically, the character in the Hearth's Warming episode that casts Starlight as the story's version of Scrooge (Snowfall Frost) is given more reason to sympathize with then Starlight herself.

Starlight then just about disappears up until the episode that introduces Thorax. Where she doesn't do much other then be among the crowd that Spike has to convince that Thorax is not evil.

The next time we see her is Every Little Thing She Does. Which is something of a controversial ep from what I hear, though ironically despite my skepticism of Starlight at the time. I actually sort of liked that episode since it was basically Starlight's own Lesson Zero. Though I get why Starlight deciding to hypnotize all the Mane 6 besides Twilight against their will would not be approved of. Though it does feel like at the very least Twilight and the rest give her enough of a piece of their mind at the end.

And that's how things stood before the Season 6 finale happened. Even though I do think Starlight has good moments in said finale, nothing earlier in the season really dispelled many of my feelings about the Season 5 finale's ending. So despite a good showing, I could hardly care for it. I wasn't convinced yet we were given a satisfactory answer about the many questions that Starlight's sudden redemption prompted.

Another part of my thoughts I feel still applies is when I mentioned that Starlight's a "Diet Sunset Shimmer" (Which considering what I did to link the two for SOTDT, is a bit funny in hindsight). It took just one movie (Rainbow Rocks) for the fanbase to turn a 180 on Sunset. While an entire season with Starlight as one of the good guys goes by and she remained just as divisive as before if not more so by the end of Season 6.

Come Season 7, and Starlight appears quite a bit more often though under the assumption that the Season 6 finale was enough to warm you up to her. There were many complaints during the first half of Season 7 that she was appearing more then she should (Even in an Equestria Girls special where she got to meet the character she was so often compared to). Though another thing about Starlight in Season 7 in hindsight is besides from her meeting a few more friends like Maud. Starlight isn't actually given much to actually work towards. They dropped the whole student aspect so it's not like she was doing friendship lessons under Twilight anymore (Though I suppose on the bright side for the detractors, it lessened worries about her becoming an Alicorn). Season 8 and 9 does somewhat fix that by having Starlight employed at the school, first as a counselor and ultimately ending with her as the school's Principal as Twilight herself got promoted to sole ruler. Which I'm still unsure about if fans of her character feel that was a proper ending for her. Though probably the best that could of been done in context of not much having been done with her over time.

Still, at least for me personally it felt there was alot missing about Starlight and as time went on it became obvious I wasn't going to get the satisfactory answers about her that I wanted. So as a result, I only had lukewarm reactions when a new Starlight episode was coming up. It also didn't help that there were two episodes that raised my hopes of at least one interesting aspect that would of been cool to see. The first being the episode "All Bottled Up" which I had hoped would mean it would be an episode that's somewhat genie related. And then there was Road to Friendship where Starlight and Trixie try to travel to Saddle Arabia (which is an important location in I Dream of Twilight Sparkle)... and yet never actually get there. So even on the few times that I was hoping to be excited about a Starlight episode, it dropped the ball. Partly my fault for getting so hyped about something that wasn't promised, but I would of loved to at least SEEN canon Saddle Arabia.

I'd never say that I hated Starlight back during the show's run. But she was a frustrating character for certain back then. I couldn't hate Starlight as much as some others did, but at the same time I couldn't like her as much as others. She was in likability limbo. For every fun and or good moment that included her, it's brought right back by either lingering problems that arised from the Season 5 finale or otherwise dropping the ball in some way.

In some ways, she's still a frustrating character. Though that's just how it'll always be with the canon Starlight. It's up entirely now to fanon to give their approach on Starlight that was never done in Canon. With SOTDT, I obviously did a bit of a "Fine, I'll do it myself" when it comes to making Starlight a more satisfactory character for me. Though I'm sure there are many interpretations that are vastly different from how I approached it that can satisfy others and probably be more popular and better written then mine. (My interpretation might be understandably controversial just for Starlight being put back on a path where she'll likely become an Alicorn eventually. Something Starlight detractors feared the most. Though I think I at least try to explain as best I could that makes sense with the story, her cutie mark moment being similar to Twilight's, and the identity of her mother. And I myself sort of feared Starlight becoming an Alicorn might happen, so for me to actually write it so that it might be inevitable. That's just how much of a 180 I've taken on Starlight because of writing SOTDT)

I think I mentioned this before, but I can pretty much say that in a way that I can actually say I like Starlight now. But sort of in a "FiM's biggest missed opportunity" sort of way that it becomes sort of sad to look at how canon Starlight was done. Rather then me simply shrugging her off back when I didn't care so much about her. I also understand it's a bit cheating to say I like Starlight now after doing my own sort of fanfic that had her in a major role since that might be me tooting my own horn a bit.

Though I will say as much as necessary that I am very aware alot of what happens in SOTDT would have been impossible to do in canon and I don't plan on pushing what I did to expand on Starlight's backstory as gospel. It only applies to what I'm doing on the blog, I will not be making a case that my interpretation is the only correct one. I'd actually welcome seeing some different interpretations on things such as who Starlight's mother is, what they feel her past was like outside of the Sunburst leaving incident, and/or especially how Starlight originally got her cutie mark. (I've even said my personal guess is different then how I did it in SOTDT, as my guess is she got it the first time she discovered the cutie mark removal spell). Cause if nothing else, I've realized Starlight is a very interesting character that I think would be fun to explore all the possibilities with. It certainly could be something for those still on the G4 train to talk with one another about.

[vesuviannights]

CLAIRE, THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD!!!! SDGS i really cannot express how much i love your writing. You make my day every time you post anything, and I check your blog at least twice a day to make sure I didn't miss a thing!! Also, I was in a mood for some Julian/MC/Asra lately and was wondering if you could write something like it 💦 Something a bit fluffy would be wonderful, but I'll take anything. Thank you for everything that you do, hope you have a lovely day!!! ILYSM

oh BLESS!! I know this has been in my inbox for a while so I’m hoping everything after you sent this has still lived up to expectation. 

Now, as it turns out, I was…ALSO in the mood for Julian/MC/Asra?? And FLUFF?? And also in the mood to play around with polyamory and the idea that when placed together in any sort of intimate relationship, Asra would 100% egg Julian’s dramatic flair on, and Julian would pretty much let Asra do whatever he wanted so long as he was allowed to be dramatic in return and rewarded for it. 

And then there’s poor MC in the middle of it all, daily having to come to terms that THIS is what they agreed to. THIS is what they fell in love with.

Asra/You/Julian. Female/afab reader. Lemon.

On the morning of your birthday, you wake sandwiched between your two loves. Asra tells you, as he brushes the hair off your face and traces the curve of your bottom lip, that he has many things on his to-do list for the day - and you are every item, A-Z.

You wake the morning of your birthday to beams of sunlight stretching over the bed, warming your body as the dust of the room dances about inside of them.

It’s your bed this morning, tucked away in the highest corner of the shop, and as wonderful and warm as your bed is, it was not built for Devoraks. Julian’s long, lithe limbs are hanging off the foot of the bed, off the side he is occupying, one arm curled haphazardly over his face. He is snoring softly as he sleeps, deep and undisturbed since the moment his tired, aching bones hit your mattress late last night.

On your other side is Asra, curled into you with his hand under your shirt, tracing intricate patterns on your stomach you’re sure would amass to something—a spell, a term of endearment, the lyrics to a song—if you could only be bothered to pay attention.

“Happy birthday, my love,” he murmurs in your ear. He catches the lobe between his teeth, and your body seems to move into him of its own accord, stretching out along the length of his own.

“Is that what today is?” You murmur, your eyes fluttering shut. Asra chuckles, one that tells you he doesn’t believe your innocent act for even a moment, and your lips twitch in response, giving away the final shreds of your game all too easily.

Asra shifts beside you, and a moment later his hand has left your stomach and slid into your hair, cupping the back of your head. His thumb traces your bottom lip, then your cheek bone, and you crack one eye open to look at him, at least trying to pretend he is disturbing your sleep.

“That look hardly scares me,” he tells you.

“Well it should.”

“How could it, when you are the most wonderful thing I know, and I would let you do anything you wanted or needed to me?”

You try to roll your eyes, try to downplay his affections with a shake of your head, but your cheeks are flushed, and he never lets you get away with rebuffing his lovely words for very long. His lips meet yours, and the kiss he gives you—the first of your birthday this year—is slow, longing, with wondrous sighs and deep inhales. His palm smooths down your neck, your shoulder, over your body, until it cups the back of your calf and pulls your knee up to his hip. He grinds into you, just as tenderly and as slowly as your kiss is moving, and your murmur your approval back to him.

Some minutes later, when Asra’s hips are still pressed into yours, and he is smiling and murmuring to you, pulling back to kiss the tip of your nose, the curve of your jaw, the divot at the base of your neck, you are disturbed by a quiet grumble that neither of you have given. The bed seems to lurch dramatically behind you, and a moment later another arm—longer, a little colder—circles around your waist and pulls you away from Asra and into a hard chest.

“Don’t be mean,” Julian grumbles into the back of your head. And then, much quieter and in a tone that suggests he had cut half of his own words off out of laziness, “Always having fun without me.”

His words are a little slurred from the early hour, and his movements are sluggish, as though his body was only half aware of itself. You exchange a look with Asra, waiting to see how Julian’s interruption will play out. But he merely nuzzles into the back of your neck, murmuring nonsense as he resettles with you against his chest, leg hooked over yours. It seems, with his content sighs and soft, even breaths, as though he is going to settle back into sleep and leave the two of you to your ways.

When that single thought seems to cross both of your minds at the same time, Asra shifts closer and presses into your front, pushes your hair off your face as he speaks.

“I won’t be letting the least favourite Devorak stop me from checking boxes off my morning to-do list.”

You scrunch your nose. “I’m a check list, am I?”

Asra’s eyes dance as he eyes you over, his lips so close that they brush yours as he murmurs to you,  “You are every item on the checklist, A through Z. And I make a new dot point for every place I wish to kiss you, and a new tally mark for every time I wish to hear you sigh my name.”

“And how many are there this morning?”

“You’ll see.”

He kisses you again, his tongue cool as it slips into your mouth and greedily sweeps up every sigh you have waiting there for him. At some point during your exchange, Julian has woken again—properly this time, it seems—and as Asra’s hand squeezes the soft flesh of your breast, and as he lazily drags his thumb over your nipple through the fabric covering it, Julian stretches out around you and grinds his already hardening length into your ass.

“So wonderful of you to join us, Ilya,” Asra murmurs. You like nothing about the innocent, lilting tone you find there. “Do you know what today is?”

Asra shifts down your body as he speaks, taking the nipple he had been teasing moments earlier between his lips, sucking gently. You whimper against him, your bottom lip trembling at the warmth of his tongue and mouth. The moment your fingertips delve into his soft waves to try and hold him there, however, he is taking your wrists and passing them to Julian before moving further down your body.

“Dearest Asra, is it the day you finally break my heart by insulting me one too many times and with too much thinly-veiled truth?” Julian offers. He matches Asra’s tone perfectly, and it only serves to unnerve you a little bit more. The two of them could play games for hours when it came to dramatics and flair, and when those games were focused on you? Oh no.

Asra has settled between your legs, and as Julian was teasing you with his words, Asra was doing some of his own, placing tender kisses along the inside of your thighs. You are already aching, already trembling from the possibility of a touch, alongside the unspoken promise that you would have to endure their teasing dramatics while waiting for it.

“You would enjoy it,” Asra tells Julian, his lips curving affectionately against your skin.

“Ah, you know me too well. Will you break it if I’m good, just for the thrill?”

“If you are good, then I’ll consider it.”

“I’m always good.”

“Then I will always consider it.”

“CAN YOU FOCUS!?”

You snap it, almost scream it in a voice that breaks halfway through your words. Your thighs are trembling beneath the ministrations of Asra’s lips, and you are already aching from each hot breath he has (through no accident) let pass over you, from the way his knuckle is barely touching you as it traces your seam through the fabric.

“Well,” Julian scoffs, though he is grinning into your neck. “With an attitude like that, I’d find it hard to focus on anything.”

“It’s my birthday!” You grumble. “I’m meant to be—”

“Barking orders at people?” Asra cuts you off. You open your eyes to find Asra grinning, the mischievous spark in his eyes telling you all you needed to know.

Julian tuts. “It’s a good thing you aren’t the one whose pleasure rests on your good behaviour.”

“You should take this chance to prove yourself, Ilya,” Asra says. “Be good by helping her be good.”

Julian makes a thoughtful noise, and you know that Asra’s careful touches are strategic, trying to distract you from squirming away or picking up on the hidden meaning in their words. You try so very hard to dissect them, but all you can really manage is to sigh out Asra’s name, back and hips arching toward him like a kitten in sunlight.

“I never mind being told exactly what to do by you, love,” Julian eventually answers. The lilt is back, that tone. “But, I also never shy away from a chance to watch you pout.”

Julian’s arm tightens around your waist as his words sink into your addled mind, a mere moment before Asra hooks his fingertips into your undergarments and pulls them down. You lift your hips to let him remove them, but he leaves them around your knees, locking them together with just enough space for him to begin his true work.

He traces the tip of a single finger down your seam, passing it over once, twice, before gently parting your folds. You roll your hips toward his touch, your back arching along with it, but Julian’s hold stops you from moving too far, from being too successful in seeking more.

Asra’s movements and affections are practised and knowing from so many hours spent between your thighs, as well as Julian’s. You know if he were ever forced to choose a favourite pair of thighs, he would blow the last of his braincells trying to comprehend that he had to choose, let alone in making that choice.

You had once—on a cold winter’s night where you had refused to move from in front of the fireplace—let him feast on you for hours while you whimpered and cried, and Julian had held you and told you how well you were doing, had described in detail how wonderful every part of you was, until you hadn’t been able to stand it any longer, throat too raw, clit too swollen. The very next morning, you had been given the pleasure of watching him overstimulate Julian under the table while you made your way through a stack of pancakes, grinning and flushed from the sight of Julian’s trembling lips and white-knuckles as he had come over and over and over again.

This morning though, gluttony is not Asra’s sin of choice. The flat of his tongue swipes in one slow, long, frustrating motion over the length of you, before flicking its tip over your clit, causing your entire body to jerk. His index finger is gently probing at your entrance, gathering your arousal and smearing it around before sliding in. He crooks it, slow and soft, almost lazily, and smiles into you as you shiver and whimper.

“Oh—” Your entire body shudders and shivers from the sensations. “Asra—”

“Does he make you feel good, love?” Julian asks.

You nod pathetically, reaching back to bury your hands in Julian’s bed-mussed curls. You tug on them as you shift and groan, and you feel his cock twitch at your lower back in response.

“You look so beautiful like this,” Asra murmurs his praise to you against your thigh, his gaze burning across your body as he slides a second finger into you, his tongue continuing to trace indecipherable patterns over your swollen clit. “Your cheeks flushed, hands in Ilya’s hair—you know he loves it so when you pull a little too tight.”

Julian nuzzles into your neck and sighs his agreement, and you pull a little harder in response. He whimpers at the pain, and his hips grind against the curve of your ass. As Asra slowly brings you toward your edge with his crooking, twisting fingers and practised tongue, you can vaguely hear him murmuring to you about how well you are doing, how wonderful you look flushed and spread above him, chest heaving, body shaking. His words come to you through a lusty, heady haze, as though being said to you from another room or through a memory, and you aren’t even sure if you’re managing to babble or murmur anything in response.

While Asra works to disorientate and unravel you, Julian is leaving marks in all of his favourite places—your collarbone, the tender flesh just beneath your ear, the back of your shoulder. His hands find you underneath your shirt, cupping the swell of each of your breasts. He squeezes and rolls them in his large palms, making spots dance in your vision, sensation popping in the peaks of your tight nipples.

“J-Julian—Asra—” You stumble over each of their names as you try to get their attention, but Julian merely sighs into your neck and Asra seems to be pointedly ignoring you, and you let out a whine as you feel his movements begin to slow inside and around you. “No no—faster, go faster, damnit! Please, it feels so good, I-I’m so—so close—ah!”

You cry out as Asra’s teeth graze against your swollen clit, followed immediately by his lips latching onto the bud and beginning to mercilessly suck. With his fingers crooking and twisting and spreading you apart, and Julian’s thumbs toying with your stiff nipples, his lips pressed against your ear and murmuring his affections, you are coming apart in moments, writhing and whimpering and moaning softly in their arms, your body shivering and aching and falling apart, all just for them.

Your lashes flutter against your cheeks as you come down from your high, and you are only vaguely aware of Asra’s lips trailing their way back up your body. He kisses each of your thighs, he kisses each of your hips, he kisses the exposed skin between Julian’s fingers, cupped around your breasts. And then he finally kisses your lips, letting you taste yourself. When his tongue sweeps into your mouth, you suck gently, and the soft moan he gives you in return has your body already awakening and greedy for more.

He pulls back after a few moments, tilting your head away with his fingertips so that he can kiss Julian, too, giving him the taste of you that he couldn’t have for himself. You know he will, though; Julian is a man greedy for every piece of you and of Asra, and the twitching of his cock against your ass, the grinding and thrusting he has been doing as Asra devoured your pussy and left you shaken and raw, is not something that can be ignored.

“Happy birthday to me,” you murmur, catching your bottom lip between your teeth. Asra pulls back from Julian to watch the action, and as your hand runs down Asra’s chest toward his bulge, you smile. “How many more things are on that list of yours?”

Asra’s eyes cloud over as your hand closes around his cock, his jaw dropping open. Julian shifts his hips behind you, never one to be forgotten, and you are once again pressed in between them—only this time, you are not the one who is begging to be paid attention to, and have every opportunity to seize control and make them pay, so should you wish,

“I think,” Asra says after a long moments pause, his entire body rolling into yours as you pull ever-so-slightly on his cock. His eyes lift to yours, a few shades darker, a few shades more mischievous. “You already know the answer to that.”

[ketso]

Episode 28

I have been booked off work for four months. My doctor says that I have depression and I need to be admitted into a clinic. Please understand that:

• I have a one year old.

• My eldest child has been accepted into medicine school, but did not get a bursary and I cannot afford the fees.

• My third born just started in a model c school because my husband and I start them in high school; they go to township schools for primary school.

• I am already struggling with the fees.

• I have to delay my youngest child with starting crèche because I cannot afford all these fees on my own.

• I have asked my eldest to get a job. Two salaries are better than one. I took my husband for granted and I am struggling on my own.

• My eldest is always angry. She has attitude and I just cannot talk to her anymore.

• My second born tries to mediate, but he can even see that things are bad.

• The third and the baby are just there.

• My eldest may not like it, but she has to help me with the third and fourth children. When I wake up and go to work to get us money, she must bath the kids and make sure they've eaten. She must take Simphiwe to school then come back and stay with Khetha because I cannot afford crèche right now and she's not working. She's at home doing nothing the whole day.

• My husband's family wants money from me - money that my husband used to send to them every month. I don't have it. Now they call me names, harass me every chance they get and threaten to take me to court for stealing their child's money. What money? Their child didn't have policies that I'm now enjoying. I can barely keep my children in schools. If I had their child's money, would Unawe not be in university? Would Khetha not be in crèche? They can go to hell.

So you see, I cannot go to a clinic for four months and talk about my feelings. I cannot give Mr Msomi a reason to fire me. I cannot afford to be without a job. I will take the medication that I have been prescribed and try my best to get through each day.

"Portia, did you call the agency that Mr Msomi asked you to call?" Sli asks me.

I nod my head and give her a sticky note with their response to my query.

"Thanks", she takes it and disappears into the meeting she was in. She is the one who takes minutes for Mr Msomi in meetings. Thando manages Mr Msomi's and Mr Ramaru's offices now. She used to be Pearl’s PA. They say that they’ve repurposed her. It looks like an undeserved promotion to me. Her head has grown bigger than ever. She is one of the reasons I believe that if I even take a weekend off, I'll get fired. The only person who puts her in her place is Lydia. We all love Lydia for that.

I have a bad headache, but I need to get through the work that Mr Msomi and Thando have given me. It's a lot of work and it is all due by close of business today. So, this is another day that I will not be having lunch.

Speak of the devil.

"Are you done with the notes I asked you to type?" Thando asks me, storming through the door and to my desk.

"I'm still busy with them." I say.

"I don't understand. I told you they were urgent", she says.

"Mr Msomi had asked me to do a more urgent thing for him. Last I checked, he was my priority, not you", I say.

"You know what I think? I think this job is too big for you. Mr Msomi felt sorry for you and gave you this job because you have stories for days about why you don't deliver. But you are not a fit. You are still bad even at this job and it's been a year since you've been in it. Mr Msomi is just polite. He doesn't want to performance manage you or fire you, so he gives you miscellaneous tasks - small and insignificant enough so you don't mess up. Kodwa we pay you to do actual work. Your role is supposed to mean something here. We don't pay you to be floating around admin that you can barely do." She says.

This really hurts my feelings. I have noticed that Mr Msomi doesn't trust me with big tasks anymore. Even Sli isn't as close to me as she used to be. She behaves more like my boss than she does my colleague. I thought I was imagining things and I thought Mr Msomi was just being nice and empathetic because I have lost my husband and I've been grieving. I've been very open about my struggles at home. I've fainted twice in this very office because I was overwhelmed. I thought Mr Msomi was accommodating me, not making my role insignificant. What am I going to do without my job? I suddenly get emotional.

"As the office manager of Mr Msomi's office, I will not be as nice as he is. If you don't deliver, I will get you out. That's not a joke. So you better pull up your socks, my girl, or shit will hit the fan around here. I'm not Mr Msomi and this is definitely not Jackson's team there at the warehouse. You have one hour. I want that document in my inbox in an hour", she says then walks away.

I wipe my tears and process everything that she has said. What exactly am I doing that is so wrong? I look through Microsoft Teams and find the employee relations manager and call her. Microsoft Teams shows that she is available. I need HR and ER intervention.

"Qaqamba, Hello?" She answers.

"Hi Qaqamba. You are speaking to Portia", I say.

"Hi Portia, how can I help you?" She says. Her voice is very welcoming.

"Can we meet in a boardroom perhaps?" Me.

"Sure. Where do you sit?" She asks me.

"No, it's okay. I'll come to you", I say.

"I have a better one. Let's go get lunch. My treat. Meet me at reception in five minutes." She says.

I agree and we end the call. I know there will be repercussions for me just leaving, but I'll ask her to bail me out of those during lunch.

...

Now that I have told Qaqamba everything: from my time at the warehouse, through Pearl's management, right up to where I am now, she looks at me stunned. She is not shocked because I am sure she deals with this every day, but she is stunned. She has taken notes, cross-questioned me, took more notes and now we sit here with her looking at me stunned and not saying anything else.

We finish up our meals and we drive back to the office in her car. It is a beautiful Mercedes Benz.

She walks with me to my desk where I find Thando, Sli and Mr Msomi gathered. Their faces drop when they see Qaqamba next to me. I stand next to Qaqamba and wait for her to make the first move. Today, she is my shield.

"Mthunzi, may we have a word in your office?" Qaqamba says. She is serious. Her tone isn't what it was when she was talking to me. Thando looks nervous. She probably didn't think I knew people like Qaqamba in this organization.

Mr Msomi leads Qaqamba and I into his office. He closes the door and we sit on his office couches.

"May I offer you ladies something to drink?" Mr Msomi. He is a gentleman yena shame, he is not putting on a pretty face for gas.

"Orange juice for me, please", Qaqamba orders.

"Nothing for me, thanks", I say. I am not familiar with his fridge like that.

Mr Msomi takes out a bottle of orange juice and a bottle of water from his fridge. He gives Qaqamba the juice then he sits down on a couch opposite us then takes a sip of his water.

Qaqamba takes Mr Msomi through what I told her. The way she puts it though, she makes it sound so legal. There are terms that she uses such as "abuse of authority" that I did not mention. Mr Msomi listens to her attentively then looks at me from time to time.

Qaqamba is serious - too serious. I'm even nervous.

"Q, I've accommodated Portia though. I've made things to be as manageable as possible for her so that she can cope with everything that is around her", Mr Msomi.

That is true.

"Portia needs to be in a clinic right now, dealing with her depression. She has been diagnosed, Mthunzi. Why have you not let her go yet or submitted a PHI application for her so the company can give her the support that she needs while she gets better? That Thando girl even threatened to fire her? On what grounds? And if Portia is not performing, why isn't she being performance managed, but rather abused by Thando?" Qaqamba.

"Q, I honestly had no idea that Portia is sick and I had no idea that Thando was treating her that way. I would have never let that happen had I known and I'll speak to Thando". Mr Msomi says. Now I feel bad for not coming to him first.

"That’s not good enough. I want you to discipline Thando", Qaqamba.

"That’s a bit harsh and surely she deserves a right of reply", Mr Msomi says.

"Abuse of authority is a dismissible offense, Mr Msomi. She will be walking away with a final written warning at most. I think we are being very lenient. She will give us her right of reply, with a representative next to her, at her disciplinary discussion. From me, I will be sending you forms to fill in with Portia so we can submit her PHI claim to our insurers then Portia will take leave with immediate effect to go and get admitted into that clinic." Qaqamba says.

The meeting is wrapped up then Mr Msomi asks me to stay behind.

After Qaqamba leaves, it is just him and I.

"I don't like HR, Portia. They just make me nervous. I don't even know what PHI is and Q was just going on and on about shit I never thought I'd have to deal with. I just thought there was trust between us and if you were unsure of things, you would come to me and speak to me." He says.

"I panicked. I'm sorry -

"No, don't do that. I don't want you apologizing. You were right to stand up for yourself and seek help from people who are hired to remedy such situations. I'm just concerned about your interactions with Thando when you return from your leave", he says.

I didn't think about that.

"But anyway, I wish you all the best in your recovery journey and I wanted to guarantee you that your job will be waiting for you when you return", he says.

"Thank you, sir", I say.

“And Portia, while you expect everyone around you to work on their ability to accommodate you, you also need to work on your communication skills. I run my office the way that I do because I don’t want people Q and her team coming in here and instructing me on how to manage my team.” He continues.

“I understand, sir.” I say.

He nods his head then says, “Will you be comfortable doing that PHI stuff with Sli? I’m really busy. I’ll just sign whatever I need to sign after the two of you have populated those forms. Q and her team design forms for a living. I know I could easily spend seven hours just completing forms with that team.”

We both laugh.

“It’s fine, sir. I will ask Sli to help me complete the forms then we will send them to you for your signature when we are done.” I say.

He nods his head.

“All the best with your recovering. Don’t worry about anything as far as work is concerned. And if there is anything more that we can do, please feel free to reach out and let us know.” He says.

I just want to hug him. He is such a nice man.

“Chief”, Mr Ramaru barges into the office without knocking.

We both look at him.

“This looks important”, he says pointing at both Mr Msomi and I, “[b]ut I need you for something urgent.”

“It’s okay, we were done anyway.” I say.

“See you in a few months, Portia.” Mr Msomi says, standing up from the couch.

“In a few months? Going somewhere?” Mr Ramaru asks me.

“Just leave”, I say.

“For a few months? People usually take a few days off.” Mr Ramaru says.

Mr Msomi can see my discomfort, so he intervenes and says, “Chief, what’s the emergency?”

I use this distraction to leave his office.

I get to my desk and I notice that all eyes are on me. No one is saying anything, but everyone is looking at me – judging me. I know people in this office are extremely protective over Mr Msomi because he is such a nice guy. They are giving me this treatment because they think I got their favourite guy into trouble. I reported Thando, not him. But I’m not going to say anything. I’d rather have Thando be surprised by her emails notifying her of her disciplinary discussion for bullying me. But knowing Mr Msomi, he will not discipline Thando. He will fight for her. That’s just who he is. So she is just going to get away with it. I might as well address her myself while I have my immunity from Qaqamba.

“Is there something that you would like to say to me?” I ask Thando, looking her straight in the eye.

“Don’t you get tired?” She says to me.

“Of what?”

“Of being you! You wake up every morning expecting sympathy from everyone and anyone you bump into. You open your mouth and expect to be understood because apparently, no one’s problems are bigger than yours. You take zero responsibility for anything and you play the victim in every situation. And when you are expected to just do what you get paid to do and are held accountable for it, you find your next plan – your next person to feel sorry for you so that you take no responsibility what-so-ever for just being yourself.”

There is silence in the office. I am actually falling apart inside.

“Please don’t faint on us again. We have had it with your theatrics around here.” She says.

“You know, my life is not the bed of roses everyone thinks it is”, I say.

“Trust me, no one was thinking that. You broadcast your life so much, we have a pretty good idea how shitty your life is. But you know what annoys everyone about you – including the people you think understand – is that you don’t leave that shit at home. We all go through things. Our lives are falling apart too. But this is a place of work! When we come here, we come to work. Our conversations are work-related. When we engage, we engage about work.” Thando says. All the other PAs nod their heads in agreement.

“I can’t just switch off from my life just because I am at work.” I say.

“You are not required to switch off. You are required to be professional. That is a minimum requirement for every role that exists in the labour market. If that is something that you struggle with, then clearly, you just don’t belong in the workplace.” Thando says.

“Zinzi, is –

Lydia walks in looking for Zinzi, but stops dead in her tracks when she sees the tension before her. She has her laptop in her hands, so she was clearly coming up here to work. She tries to study the situation then her eyes land on me. She sees the tears streaming down my face and the arrogance pasted on Thando’s face.

“Portia, are you okay?” Lydia asks me.

All the PAs present in this room have now suddenly become nervous, including Thando. I just breakdown and cry. I cannot hold it in. I am just breaking.

Lydia holds my hand and pulls me into Mr Ramaru’s office. It is just the two of us in here. I see Mr Msomi and Mr Ramaru looking at us through Mr Msomi’s glass door. All the offices up here have glass doors – something to do with transparency.

“What do you need?” Lydia says to me after I have cried my heart out in here. Mr Mthunzi and Mr Ramaru are inside of here as well now. I don’t know when they came inside. They are sitting on couches opposite the couch that I am sitting on. Lydia is the only one standing up.

“What do you mean?” I ask her.

“We are friends, right? You and I can be blunt about anything with each other, right?” She says.

I nod my head.

“Good, because I am going to be honest with you now and I will not sugar-coat what I am about to say.” She says.

“Lydia –

“Mthunzi, it has to be done.” Lydia cuts Mr Msomi mid-sentence.

She turns her attention back to me.

“This is your third job within this company, Portia. Third. You keep being thrown lifelines by everyone around here. You get more consideration, more care, more everything. Did you think that would get you likes around here? Did you think that people like Thando would go easy on you? The average person would have long been fired if they were in your shoes. You asked to stay. You begged for chances. Why are you struggling to carry the responsibilities of the things that you have asked for?” Lydia says.

Mr Ramaru and Mr Msomi are extremely uncomfortable.

“Portia, do you understand the position that I had to put my boyfriend in for you? Having his authority and professionalism as a CEO questioned because you asked to move teams. Or you just don’t care?” Lydia says to me.

I look at Mr Ramaru. He is extremely uncomfortable, but happy that this conversation is taking place. Clearly it is long overdue.

“Portia, do you understand the hoops that Mthunzi –

“Please leave my name out of this”, Mr Msomi says.

Lydia looks at him for a split second then looks at me again and continues, “[d]o you understand the hoops that Mthunzi had to jump through to create work for you? To create a position for you? Having to sit in endless HR meetings knowing very well how much he dislikes HR. You just wake up every day, come to work and annoy us with your entitlement – not understanding the background battles being fought for you to walk around here with that arrogance and entitlement.”

I am silent. I don’t know what to say. It is very quiet in here.

Lydia takes a deep breath then sits next to me.

“Take some time off, Portia. While you are away, think about whether or not being in the labour market is something that you want to do. If not, find another passion and start a business. I will personally help you in making sure that your business stands and runs efficiently. You know I’m good at doing that. But if you come back here and make the decision to work, know that your lifeline has expired. One foot out of line – and I am saying this in front of Mthunzi – I will personally fire you. And I am giving myself the authority to do so because I am the same person you annoyed to have you put in this position.”

People like Lydia will never understand. Life is not as easy as having two options to pick from when it comes to choosing how you will sustain yourself and look after your family.

“I’ll help you pack up your bags and take whatever you need to your car”, Lydia says standing up and giving Mr Ramaru her laptop, telling him that he and Mr Msomi can go over the spreadsheet she has opened. She explains that it is something she put together and they’ll discuss it further when she gets back.

We pack my bags and a box of things that I’ll take with me. The office is silent. I look at Mr Msomi and Mr Ramaru through the glass door of Mr Ramaru’s office and they are giggling about and drinking whiskey. If only I could be a fly on that wall and hear what is being said and celebrated.

“Ready?” Lydia asks me, holding one of my boxes.

I nod my head. As we make our way out, she pauses at Thando’s desk and says, “[d]o I need to give you a tutorial on where your place is around here?”

Thando stares at her. Honestly, I am shocked and happy that this happening.

“You are not the new Pearl. And I am getting tired of you behaving as if Pearl left you the “bitch” ropes around here. If you are going to continue to behave like this is your grandfather’s farm and all the employees around here are your cows to milk and slaughter for beef, I will be the National Party and take that farm away from you very quickly.”

Yho Lydia!

Thando’s tears are at the door, ready for release.

“I’ll ask again, do you need a tutorial?”

Thando shakes her head.

“I’ll be sure to check in again when Portia returns. Because your lifeline around here depends on it.” Lydia says.

Ja no, she woke up this morning prepared to suspend lifelines on everyone’s job.

I just give Thando one last smile then follow Lydia out of here.