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lillaydee · 1 day ago

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I'm Right Here Part 7

BFF!Joel Miller / F Reader

Sometimes the person we've been looking for has been right there all along.

@copperhalfcent, @demonsasss, @bergamote-catsandbooks, @peelieblue @liciafonseca @ultra-nina-bella @joelmillerpascal @kirsteng42 @heartpatch @capnjaket

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WARNINGS: BFF Joel Miller, Protective Joel (The Last of Us), Joel is Bad at Feelings (The Last of Us), Good Parent Joel (The Last of Us), Angst, Love Triangles, Miscommunication, Past Child Abuse, Alternate Universe - No Cordyceps Outbreak (The Last of Us), Joel Needs a Hug (The Last of Us), Joel is a Clueless Idiot, Jealousy, Minor Character Death, Implied/Referenced/Supposed Sexual Assault

SERIES MASTER LIST

Part 6

You cleared your desk for the evening, feeling the jitters that you had managed to forget for the last few hours as the clock hit 530pm.

“You okay darling?” Mrs. Adler asked, the kindly older lady giving you a sympathetic smile. You nodded, giving her one back, albeit slightly half-hearted. Jake walked out of his office then, placing his lunch box on your desk, sitting in front of you.

“Things are not better?” he asked.

You only managed a weak shake of the head and a regretful smile.

He sighed, rubbing his face.

“Don’t give up on him, darling. He’s stressed. We’ll figure this out. We’re all trying to figure this out. He’ll be alright. This is all just… new, and with the other one not cooperating, he’s frustrated… I know he shouldn’t be taking it out…” he stopped when you waved your hand at him and froze. You heard his truck approach.

You got up and collected your purse and bag, gave him a kiss on the cheek, waved Mrs Adler goodbye and walked out, taking a deep breath to brace for what was coming.

“Hi,” you said as you climbed into the truck, placing your bags on the footwell and pulling at the seatbelt. No kisses. No more. Not since last Friday. Not since Jen came charging at your door with the news big enough to implode a thousand worlds. He hummed in return, taking his foot off the brake pedal and drove out of there.

After an extremely uncomfortable 8 minutes of driving, he stopped in front of Hank’s, immediately freeing the gear and pulling the handbrake. He stopped for a moment, playing with the keys to his truck in his hands, staring at them for longer than necessary, if it was even necessary in the first place at all.

“You sure you’re up for this? We don’t have to,” you started. He heaved a huge sigh of frustration and opened his door. “Let’s just get it over with,” he said, slamming the door behind him.

You took a few extra seconds to breathe before finally leaving the truck, walking into the busy bar, locating them immediately. Joel was already at the bar, ordering drinks for the two of you. You hugged Olivia and the guys, sitting down next to Eric.

“How is he these days, Daze?” Tommy asked. The rest immediately stopped talking and focused on you, Benny keeping a watch for Joel. You were the only person they could ask. Any attempts to ask him directly had been met with hostility. Even Anita and Aunt Tina got the silent treatment the moment they asked him one too many questions last week.

“I don’t know. I don’t fucking know anything. Will you all stop?” he had frustratedly said, “She’s not answering any questions, she’s not willing to provide proof, all she talked about was moving in with me and starting a family I don’t want! And stop fucking looking at me like that!” he had ranted before telling you that the two of you were leaving, right in the middle of the family lunch. He stopped answering their calls, slammed the door in the men’s faces when they stopped by after work, even came close to punching Tommy in the face when he tried to ask his brother to answer Anita’s calls.

Thing was, they didn’t see that he was exactly the same with you, only it was worse because you lived with him. Gone were the sleepovers, the man sleeping in the living room rather than his own room or yours, buying a single mattress from Ikea to sleep on in front of the TV when the sofa gave his back an unwanted ache. He’s refusing to talk to you, refusing to touch you, refusing to do anything with you. He hardly ate, hardly slept, judging by the sounds of the TV in the middle of the night when you woke up for the bathroom. You tried to sleep with him in the living room at first, accidentally on purpose falling asleep as you watched TV, but he woke you up and instructed you to go to bed. He won’t even lift you into bed anymore, just poked you with his feet and gruffly told you to go inside.

It was as if the old Joel disappeared. The joker, the funny man, the romantic one. That charming smile disappeared overnight. Some semblance of him remained after that initial lunch weekend, but after Jen’s visit, he completely disappeared. In his place, a quiet, grumpy, ready to explode at everyone, depressed man appeared instead. He stopped shaving, staring into the void even if he was supposedly watching the TV, becoming selectively deaf to your questions. Any questions asked, even mundane ones like what to get for dinner, or if he could take you to the grocery store were answered with grunts or short answers, and even those, snappy ones. He was angry with the world, and he took it out on you.

It was immediate, the change in him. One minute he was the hungry man kissing you as if his life depended on it, the next, he was the screaming, vulnerable, panicked one who threatened to beat the living crap out of Jen if she didn’t leave right away.

Jen wasn’t exactly helping, refusing to answer his questions, insisting that they had sex despite his claims otherwise. When he started talking about paternity, she turned her attention on you, going into your room to pack your bags, screaming at you to leave, that this is her house now, that Joel needed you to be gone if he was going to be a good father, that you were in the way of an innocent child having a father and a mother, a happy family.

She screamed and threatened to report him to the cops if he didn’t do as she asked. Joel threatened the same, but she laughed in his face, asking him if anyone would believe his story, what with his reputation with women compared to her own with men. That his ex-conquests would be lining up to testify against him. That it’s time for him to receive karma for the way he had treated women all his life. Joel literally picked her up and dumped her outside, screaming and begging to be let back in. She only left the property when the neighbours threatened to call the cops on her.

So, no, things were not better. If anything, they had gotten worse. Joel withdrew further and further into himself, shutting everything and everyone outside, including you, especially you. Except, it felt worse when he did it to your face rather than just ignoring your calls.

You kept telling yourself to be patient, to be understanding. That there was a massive reason behind this change, that he was going through something unimaginable. That there was no way you could understand what was going on inside his head. But every single time he shut down in front of you, you felt your heart chip a little more. You wanted to help him. You wanted him to know you were there for him. But he was not letting you.

Everyone’s faces fell as you shook your head, playing with the hem of your blouse. But they had no time to ask for details. Joel was back, placing your drink in front of you, taking a seat, drinking his beer in complete silence. It took a lot of convincing for him to be here, and his agreement was not made clear until he actually parked in front of the bar not five minutes ago. He placed his beer back in front of him, crossed his arms on his chest, turned to Olivia and took a deep breath.

She seemed to understand his signal.

“Okay, I need you to listen until the end before you say anything. I spoke to my friend, she’s a lawyer. She could help you with the process if you choose to go down this route.”

He didn’t say anything. His eyes were still fixed on Olivia.

“You need to file a paternity petition, legally ask for a paternity test. If you do, and she is lying, which we all highly suspect, the truth will come out whether she likes it or not. She needs to prove her pregnancy with the lawyers present, meaning she had to go to the hospital and get a blood test. That pregnancy test is not valid in this case. And then you will attend a hearing and present your case. If the judge finds reason to doubt paternity, they will order her to undergo this test.”

“She’s refusing. I already asked her, first thing.”

“She is claiming you are the father and is invested in making you raise this child with her, if the judge orders her to get one, she will have no choice but to do it, or she could be charged. If you don’t do this, she could keep lying, and you will be tied to her, Joel, even if you don’t end up with her, even if the baby is not yours, if there is even a baby at all. Her unwillingness to cooperate is odd, considering how adamant she is that you raise this child with her. I don’t think she’s willing to back down that easily, she’s gone this far. At this point, going the legal route is your best option.”

“Assuming we could get the judge to agree, how long do we have to wait for a paternity test? Don’t we have to wait until the baby is born? What if she harasses Joel throughout her pregnancy?” Will asked. Joel took another drink, his eyes on focused on the water ring on his coaster.

“You can establish paternity once the pregnancy is 10 weeks these days. It’s a blood test for her, a swab in the mouth for Joel,” Olivia said. “Joel, if she is telling the truth, she should have no reason to refuse a court-ordered test. But you need to take this step. You need to file the petition to request for one.”

Joel could feel all eyes on him, his hand clutched into a fist on his thigh. You noticed. You put your hand on his, attempting to make him feel better. But he withdrew his hand from under yours and removed it from his thigh.

“What if she really is pregnant with Joel’s child? Can we do something about how the conception happened? Maybe get the cops…” Tommy started. Joel immediately got up in a huff, telling you he’s leaving. You got up with him, not willing to let him drive alone, or even be alone at all these days.

“Joel…” Tommy protested, but he simply walked off.

The next morning, you woke up for your jog as usual, the first one you will take since you got injured. Joel hadn’t taken you out on walks since that night, and your body was starting to feel sluggish. You needed to start running again sometime, and this seemed to be the perfect time. He was still sleeping on his mattress. You didn’t wake him. He was up until four last night, you were sure of it. You peeked when you went to the bathroom, you could see that his eyes were open, staring at the TV, looking but not seeing, even in the darkness. The drive home was unusually quiet and tense, even more so than usual, and you didn’t have it in you to egg him on and ask him about Olivia’s proposal.

You put your earbuds on and turned on your music. You powerwalked that first mile, wanting to get into the rhythm again, having not jogged for the past month or so. There was still a small twinge of pain on your shoulder when you started running, so you kept a leisurely pace, not wanting to aggravate it further.

You were maybe a little under two miles in when you heard a shuffle beneath all that music, and before you knew it, you were face down on the pavement. You scrambled up and took your earbuds off, coming face to face with a very angry Jen.

“What the fuck Jen?”

“Serves you right. I told you to move out. Why are you still living with him?”

“Because I live there, and you do not. I’m not moving just because you told me to. What gives you that right?”

“Joel and I are going to be married. We are having a child together. You are standing in the way of our child having a happy family!”

“So you said. Funny I didn’t hear the same sentiment from Joel!”

“That’s because you are still there, feeding him poison to make him stay away from me!”

You wanted to scratch her eyes out, squish them into slimy goo and feed them to the rats. But you held yourself.

“You know what? You’re right. Joel would absolutely love to raise this baby with you.”

Her anger seemed to dissipate slightly.

“You think so?”

“As soon as you get a paternity test.”

She rolled her eyes. “What is it about you guys and your obsession with paternity testing? Why are you so hellbent in believing I would lie to him? Trap him?”

“Because that thing a man and a woman need to do to make a baby? Yeah… your version of events is a bit sketchy. It can all go away and truth will be out, all doubts shall disappear, as soon as a paternity test is done.”

“I know my truth. And Joel knows what really happened that day, despite his claims. He’s not getting away with this. And if you were a woman, a true woman, you would bow out and give us a chance at being a family. Are you really so desperate to be with him that you are willing to break a family up?”

“I have said everything I need to say to you, Jen. Paternity test, or nothing. And if you keep this attitude up, we will not hesitate to get the law involved.”

Her smug face turned white. She got more and more desperate, shrieking at you. “Why are you even involved in this? You have nothing to do with this. This is between me and Joel, and no one else! Why can’t you just leave? This is all because of you! You’re meddling in things you shouldn’t be meddling in!”

You knew you were going nowhere with this deranged woman. You shrugged, “Well, I’m not moving out. Not until Joel asks me to.” You turned around and put your earbuds back in, tired of dealing with her.

“Oh no, you don’t!” she screamed, pulling you by the collar of your shirt. She raised a hand to hit you when a truck screeched to a halt next to you. Joel came out, screaming at you to get in the truck.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Jen?”

“I’m just trying to secure our future, Joel. She’s in the way. She needs to go so we could plan for our baby’s arrival!” she pleaded, her demeanour shifting drastically from anger to desperation.

“Paternity test. And then we’ll talk.”

Jen’s eyes flashed towards you once more, full of anger. “This is all your fault. You couldn’t have just left, could you? You need to ruin my life? What have I ever done to you Daisy?”

Joel helped you into the truck, closing the door behind you. He walked around the truck to get in, Jen following behind.

“Joel, how could you choose her over our baby? You need to tell her to leave. We need to put our baby first. We need to get married, for the sake of our baby.”

Joel stopped abruptly, turning around, taking such aggressive steps towards Jen she shrunk back, taking desperate steps back onto the curb. “You listen to me carefully Jen. I am filing a petition with the courts for a paternity test. I’m gonna make you prove to the courts that you are indeed pregnant with my child, and if you can prove that you are, I will do what the courts tell me to do. I will only listen to them, not you. And let me make myself very, very clear here Jen. Even if I am the father, don’t you ever, EVER, think for a second that I will be with you. I don’t want you anywhere near me, let alone marry you. And if you try to force me in any way, I will press charges against you. I will walk into that police department and report you for drugging me, for assaulting me without consent, and NO!” he raised a finger in her face as she opened her mouth to protest, “I don’t care if no one believes me. I don’t care if people look at me funny. I don’t care if I get laughed at for being an assault victim. Fuck, I don’t even care if they can’t prove anything and drop the charges. Cause by then, everyone will know what you allegedly did. I will make sure of it.”

Jen stared at Joel with her eyes wide, shocked that Joel would lose it on her like that.

“Joel!” she gasped. “How could you speak to me like that?”

“I will speak to a deranged, lunatic of a woman like you however I want. You didn’t give me a choice, so I am not giving you one either. Don’t bother me again. If you know what’s good for you, I’d better not see you again until we’re in court.”

He climbed into the truck and drove off.

“Are you okay? Did she hurt you?” he snarled, not looking at you. You didn’t even get a chance to open your mouth before he started on you. “What the fuck were you thinking leaving the house without me like that? Do you even know what she could’ve done to you?”

“I’m not a child, Joel. I can take care of myself.”

“I promised Eddie I would take care of you!” he screamed.

“And you’re doing a great job at showing it!” you snapped back just as he parked with a screech in his driveway. You got out and walked into the living room, the door having been left wide open. “Wonderful way of taking care of me so far, Joel. Ignoring me, snapping at me, screaming at me. All I’m trying to do, all anyone is trying to do is to help you Joel! But I can’t, we can’t, no one can, because you refuse to talk to anyone.”

His head snapped towards you, his face the epitome of anger.

“You want me to talk? Okay,” he said, slamming the door behind him. “Let’s talk. What do you want to hear? That I feel like a fucking loser who was idiotic enough to be nice to a lonely woman who turned out to be a deranged stalker? That I let her drug me? That there is a huge possibility that she…” he stopped, swallowing, looking away, rubbing his face, “Sexually assaulted me and took what she could from me without my consent? That I couldn’t do anything to prevent it? That I don’t remember anything about it? That I might be a father to a child I already know I will hate for the rest of my life, that I’m already the definition of a deadbeat dad for not wanting to have anything to do with this child ever? That I’m thinking of ways to run? To escape? That I’m refraining myself from going over and just choking her to death so I can just live the rest of my miserable life behind bars than deal with this whole thing? That the thought of that woman doing things to me makes me feel like I want to scrub the living shit out of my skin and just… stop living? Is that what you want to hear?”

Tears were swimming in your eyes. You tried to take his hand in yours, wanting to make him feel better, but he pulled his hand away. He looked as if he was struggling from saying something, contemplating the repercussions of him saying what was on his mind, his neck taut, his jaw tight. You tried one more time, and he finally snapped.

“You think I want you touching me? You think I want any woman touching me at all? You think I would ever want to be with you, or any other woman at all after this? That I could trust anyone ever again? You think I don’t lie awake at night thinking this is my karma for never wanting to be in a relationship? That this is just what I deserve for telling the women before you that I am not interested because I was waiting for my special someone? For the woman I have been in love with since I was six? You think you want to be with me if that child is real? You want to be with a deadbeat dad who wishes he was dead or behind bars if it means he didn’t have to deal with this child? Cause if you do, then you are even more pathetic than I could ever imagine.”

You stared at this man you had known since infancy. This was not him. He’s just scared, you told yourself.

“Joel…” you said, as gently as you could. “We could get through this. Let’s just get the process started, okay? Talk to Olivia’s friend. We’ll get through this. Together.”

He huffed a laugh. “Together,” he muttered.

“Look, I know that you must feel…”

“How the fuck would you know how I feel? Huh? Have you ever been assaulted? Has anyone drugged you and taken advantage of you while you were out of it just for the sake of trapping you with a baby? Do you know what it feels like, knowing that going to the cops will only result in people laughing at you, that no one would take you seriously? Calling you a cry-baby for feeling dirty just because some lady might have had sex with you? That because you had casual sex before no one would believe you if you told the truth? That the person who did this to you could get clean away with it? And you might have to pay her child support for the next 18 years while you go on to live your miserable life? You know how that feels?”

You didn’t know what to say.

“That’s what I thought. So don’t you dare tell me you know how I must feel. Cause you don’t fucking know anything.” He walked into his room, and you could hear him rummaging about. He came back out with a duffel bag.

“I’m ending the lease. You have one month to arrange for a new place, or you could take over from me. I’ll be staying at Tommy’s until I get a new place,” he said, opening the door. “I’ll be back from time to time to get the rest of my stuff.”

You couldn’t believe your ears. “Joel… we can work through this. You don’t have to leave. We’ll look for a place together. We can move if that’s what you need to move on.”

He stopped, the open door in his hand. He turned, his expression unreadable.

“You think I want to live with you? Why? So you could do to me what Jen did?”

You felt your blood turn cold. You stared at him for a while, his eyes still devoid of any feelings.

You turned around and walked into your room, slamming the door behind you.

“Welcome to the company Miss Stevens. We are excited to have you join us. Congratulations,” your new boss offered a hand for you to shake. “It’ll take a week or so to sort your papers, but we definitely want you to join the company.”

You gave him a polite smile, excited for the opportunity. But there was a heaviness in your chest, knowing that you would go back to an empty house with no one to pop the champagne with.

“Thank you, I really appreciate this. I didn’t think I would even be considered,” you told him.

“Well, Jake Miller is an old friend of my Dad’s, and he was raving about you. And based on the interviews and the trial runs you did with us, he’s right.”

You made a mental note to get Jake the most expensive bottle of whiskey you could afford with your first pay.

“Now,” he said, taking a folder out of a drawer. “We are required to let you know the options. We sorely need people in other branches too. You could stay here in our Austin branch, of course, but there are others if you are interested to hear them? They’re all the same position.”

You nodded, just wanting to hear the options.

“Well, there’s one in Saint Paul, though the winters could get quite gnarly there in my personal opinion, and there’s another in Miami. Although I have to warn you that Miami is a very expensive city, given you are on a starting salary. Then again, so is Austin. But at least you have a good support system here already,” he said. He looked at the folder again, “There is one overseas, though I doubt you would want this one. The pay is lower, but you will get free housing, if you could call the shoebox they provide housing. It also means you would be tied to the project for a while.”

“Where is it?”

“Bangkok, Thailand.”

“How long is a while?”

“At least ten years, if not longer.”

Joel walked into the house, an empty duffel bag in his hand. Tommy came in after him with boxes. They started packing his room, Joel working as fast as he could as if his body would combust if he stayed there any longer.

“Go pack your books. I’ll settle things in here,” Tommy said, clocking his brother’s discomfort.

Joel got a couple of boxes and went into the living room, placing books in the boxes, his heart feeling a bit more relaxed now that he was out of that room. It’s been two weeks since he left you at that house, and every day was a struggle. He got the process started for the paternity petition, but the court date was weeks away. He didn’t even want to think about it anymore. He had gotten to the point where he was just surrendering to his fate, letting the chips fall where they may.

Jen did try to accost him at the building site he was working in, but Tommy managed to fend her off. The cops had to be called one time. She left before they got there.

Tommy had been understanding, keeping him busy at work to the point of exhaustion, coming home only to collapse into bed. Benny kept him informed of your well-being, he knew you got the job you had interviewed for a few days after he left. He wanted so badly to call you and congratulate you but given how he had spoken to you the last time you spoke, he didn’t think you would want to take his calls. He sent you flowers, though, he watched from afar as you received them and brought them inside.

He refrained from going to the office to see you, only going back home for clothes when he knew you were out of the house. But by God did he miss you. Oh, how he missed you. He wanted to come home, talk to you, but your face when he said those words to you kept popping in his head. The way you shut down. The way the emotions disappeared from your eyes. The way your body just went lax, as if all the energy you had to fight this battle with him, all your resolve to be strong for him, all your love and respect for him just flew out of your body. And the way you simply turned around and slammed the door behind you…

He will make up for it. He had to. He knew that. But the shame of saying what he said to you in the first place stopped him.

Fuck, how could he ever make up for what he said to you?

He heard Tommy’s phone ring, the younger man picking up. His voice went from his usual volume to a hushed, secretive one, whispering or mumbling something Joel couldn’t quite make out.

Joel placed more books in the first box, getting the second box ready to put more books in. He grabbed a few from the top shelf, the small, metal box sitting there catching his attention.

The small metal box he had kept Eddie’s ashes in.

He put that in his room, if he remembered correctly. You must’ve taken it out after he left. He searched the shelf for the ceramic jar you kept your share of the ashes in, but it wasn’t there. Did you bring it into your room?

He went to your room, stopping a while, contemplating if he should open the door. He didn’t know why, but he needed to see the jar for some reason. Or maybe he just needed an excuse to stand in your room, get a whiff of you. The essence of you that he had been missing for the past two weeks.

Your room was empty, save for the bouquet he had gotten you, left on the bed. No jar. No books. No sheets. No clothes. No suitcases. You were gone, but the traces of your perfume was still strong, lingering heavily in the air.

He ran into the bathroom, your toiletries were gone.

He ran into the kitchen. Your mug was gone.

His heart turned cold.

“Tommy!” he called out, panicked.

Tommy appeared, looking solemn, as if expecting his call.

“Did she get a new place already?”

Tommy leaned on the kitchen wall, hands in his pocket. “You can say that.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

“She got the job, remember?”

“Yeah.”

“It’s in Asia. Benny and Eric just dropped her off at the airport.”

Joel felt as if his heart stopped beating.

“When does the flight leave?”

“In two hours.”

Joel jumped out of Tommy’s truck, gunning it through the crowds. He kept calling you, but you didn’t answer. Tears were pouring down his cheeks, his breath in short bursts, his heart trying not to collapse in his chest. He kept redialling, hoping to God by some miracle he would hear your phone ring and locate you amongst the sea of people around him. He ran and ran until he finally heard a faint ringing. He turned around.

There you were, standing there looking at your phone, your backpack strapped on your back.

“Daisy!” he screamed as loud as he could. You turned and saw him, the crowds stopping to look at him for a split second before moving on with their lives. He frantically dialled your number again starting to run towards you, but two burly men in uniform stopped him, telling him he’s not allowed to go where you were without a ticket. You looked at him, at your phone, and turned it off.

You took your passport and ticket from the clerk at the desk before looking at him one last time.

Joel furiously rubbed his eyes off the tears that were clouding his view of you. Beautiful, perfect you. You stared at him from afar for a few seconds before stepping inside to the international barrier, safe from him, about to board a plane that would put two oceans between the two of you.

He could only watch as you turned around and walked away to your new life, never looking back until you disappeared in the crowd.

Part 8

#joel miller fanfiction #joel miller #joel miller x reader #the last of us fanfiction #joel miller x you #tlou fanfiction #BFF!Joel Miller

53 notes · View notes

inkedbydesire · 23 hours ago

Text

Can’t Let Go (Pt 4.1)

Jimmy Uso x Black Fem Reader

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

(Part 3)

A/N: This is inspired by an Adele song called “Can’t Let Go.” Please give it a listen if you’ve never heard it. It will enhance your reading experience (I hope 😂).

youtube

Warnings: None.

Summary: After two years of unresolved issues and heartache, you and Jonathan finally have a long overdue conversation.

Word Count: 3.7k

A/N: No way it took 3 months to come back with an update 😭. Hopefully somebody is still interested. Anyways, I apologize in advance for any typos or grammatical errors I may have missed during my proofreading.

Sidenote: Adele’s “Can’t Let Go” inspires the overall story, but here are 4 more songs to describe Y/N’s feelings. Feel free to give them a listen if you want. I think it will enhance your reading experience (I hope).

Tagging: @empressdede @amandairene88 @mindairy @punksyeet (sorry if you’re like “Bitch it’s been 3 months no one cares” 😂)

*************************************************

"You've got every right to be mad, Y/N. You really do. But I'm gonna play devil's advocate here and say you should still try to hear him out. There's so much y'all need to get off your chests. And at this point? You just gotta be adults about it."

Jade's words were followed by an innocent shrug that only deepened the glare you shot at her through your phone screen. Even over FaceTime, you could see the gentle furrow of her brow forming into that all-too-familiar look. The one she wore when she stopped being your best friend and started playing therapist.

The very last thing you needed this morning.

After the stunt Jonathan pulled last night, sleep had been nearly impossible. You tossed and turned for hours, haunted by the image of his glassy eyes and slurred words. When you finally did drift off, you woke up with one goal in mind: hand him back his keys and send him on his way.

It had taken everything in you to build the courage to sit down with him after two years of silence, two years of healing in your own way, and two years of slowly piecing your life back together. And last night, when he made the choice to show up drunk? He blew it.

Disappointed wasn't even the word. You were past that.

You barely wanted to look at him, let alone tackle some in-depth conversation. You had been ready for that last night, but not anymore, not after what he did.

You'd just finished your morning routine and were on your way to kick him out of your house and out of your life again when Jade called. Of course, she couldn't wait to hear how it went. Curiosity won out, and instead of getting ready for her first therapy session at ten, she hit your line.

Now here you were, sitting on the edge of your bed, reliving the mess and feeling the anger you were trying with everything in you to subdue bubble right back to the surface.

You were beyond pissed off at Jonathan. But even more than that, you were pissed off at yourself. For even reading his damn letter in the first place. For deciding to reach out. But the real clown of the day was the secret part of you that had actually looked forward to seeing him again.

Jonathan had been a major part of your life for over a decade. Not having that element anymore was almost like a culture shock. No matter how hard you tried to bury and ignore it, of course, some part of you missed him. Even if you weren't ready to admit it.

And then he had to show up and shit all over it.

You wanted........ no, scratch that, you expected Jade to be on your side. To call him every name in the book. To back you up without hesitation. But no, Dr. Jade Washington had to be logical and balanced. You wanted to rant, but in turn, she wanted to give you what she thought you needed to hear, not what you wanted to hear.

"I hear you, Jade," you muttered, words forced through clenched teeth. You were ready to get her off the phone at this point.

"Do you, though? All I'm saying is try to understand why he felt the need to get drunk before you shut him out again."

"I truly don't care why he did it, Jade. You must be on his side or something?"

Your voice was sharper than you intended, but you couldn't help it. Why was she so damn determined to get you to see things from his perspective?

He was the one who cheated. He was the one who messed everything up. And instead of showing up sober and ready to talk like a grown ass man, he stumbled in, wasted. To you, it felt like a giant fuck-you. Like he didn't respect what you two had enough to face it head-on. Hell, you wanted a drink too last night, but you convinced yourself it would be better for you both if you didn't let any outside substances cloud your mind. It was annoying as hell that he didn't share the same sentiments or possess the same control.

"I'm on your side, Y/N. You know that. I'm offended you would even ask," Jade replied.

"I just don't want you going into this blinded by anger. That'll only bring more stress and chaos. I've watched you carry the weight of how things ended with him for two years. I just want you to get the closure you deserve. If you turn him away today, we'll be right back at square one. Absolutely nothing will get resolved, and you'll go back to trying to avoid everything that reminds you of him. Y'all shared too much and too many years for that to even be possible, Y/N. You never have to see him again after this if you don't want to. Just... get through today."

You paused, letting her words sink in. Of course, they made sense. Everything she said always made sense. But you weren't in the headspace for it. Your defenses were back up, and not even Jade's best advice could break through.

"I hear you," you repeated, quieter this time.

"Alright. Go handle your business. Let me know how it goes later."

"Mmhmm."

You ended the call with a heavy sigh and tossed your phone on the bed.

As you slowly stood, your eyes locked on Jonathan's confiscated keys sitting on your nightstand where you'd dropped them last night. You stared at them for a second before slipping them into the pocket of your shorts.

Whatever anxiety you had about seeing him again was gone. His actions over the last twenty-four hours had killed that. You weren't nervous anymore. You had spent literal days stressing about how you would feel being in his presence again after so long. But now? You were just... over it, and it had barely started.

After releasing another sigh, you left your room, wondering if Jonathan was still snoring on your couch like he had been at 5 a.m. when you passed through to get a drink. Since you no longer had to purchase furniture with him in mind, your couch was far too small for a 6'3", two-hundred-something-pound man. At five, he had been sprawled out awkwardly, half-covered with a pillow because you damn sure weren't offering him a blanket. He could've pulled a Jack Dawson for all you gave a damn.

Admittedly, though, you did find yourself watching him for much longer than needed before retreating to your room. But no one had to know that but you.

Now, as you rounded the corner, you found him sitting upright with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. His shirt was gone for whatever reason, and the neat ponytail he arrived with had unraveled into loose, shoulder-length waves.

For a second, you wondered just how long he'd been sitting up like that.

"Jon," you instantly called his name, voice loud enough to jolt him out of whatever spiral he was in. You didn't want to prolong whatever this interaction would be by standing there hesitating.

His head snapped up, and the moment his eyes met yours, the first word that came to mind was pitiful.

He looked absolutely pitiful.

There was a deep sadness in his eyes, the kind that you felt was well deserved, but surprisingly, it didn't bring as much satisfaction as you thought it would.

Dating back to high school, you never found any joy in seeing Jonathan upset. It was such a rare occasion because he hardly ever took anything seriously. He was always known to start cracking jokes, which caused 95 percent of the arguments y'all barely got into. But his mood was how you learned to calm down with your pessimism and gauge how serious a situation was. If he was upset, it meant something. So, his being mad or sad about something always put you on high alert, instantly searching for ways to help.

But this? This was different.

He brought this on himself.

You had no reason to feel even an ounce of sympathy for him. You talked a good game to Jade about not giving a damn about his feelings, but yet here you were. You were so disgusted with yourself for even going there. If you were going to make it through today, you had to be stronger than that.

"There are some extra toothbrushes, towels, and stuff in the bathroom down the hall to the left," you said once you collected your thoughts, pointing in that direction. "You can get yourself together in there."

You turned on your heels without waiting for a response and headed towards your kitchen. When you entered, morning light streamed through the blinds as you opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. You didn't have much of an appetite at the moment. You leaned against the sink, listening to the quiet shuffle of Jonathan's feet as he made his way down the hallway.

Discomfort settled in your body as your mind drifted to how drastically different this morning with him was from any other morning you two had ever shared.

You used to love waking up next to him.

Countless mornings, you would open your eyes and be melted by the smile he would give you when you caught him watching you sleep. Something he always acted like he wasn't doing, even when he had been caught red-handed.

"Wasn't nobody watching you, girl," his voice echoed in your head, followed by his contagious laughter.

You always playfully teased him about it, but unbeknownst to him, you did the same thing. Jonathan slept like a bear in hibernation. He never caught the numerous mornings you would lie awake, taking in his beauty and tracing your fingertips over his tattoos. Just perfectly content with being wrapped up in him.

Y/N, stop it.

You forced yourself out of the memory and focused on your surroundings.

Your eyes landed on the roses from last night, now wilting, and the small jewelry box beside them. A distraction. That's what you desperately needed, or you were going to continue standing here hurting your own feelings. You set your water down and picked up the box.

Of course, Jonathan thought he could woo you with a piece of jewelry to soften the blow of this "reunion." He was never the type to try to buy his way out of trouble before, but so much had obviously changed over the last two years. You weren't sure he was the same boy you met in the hallway all those years ago or the same man who made you feel safe enough to let your guard down again.

You didn't know him anymore.

Slightly shaking your head, you pulled the box open and almost dropped it as your breath caught in your throat. The gold necklace tucked inside wasn't some new piece of jewelry that Jonathan purchased recently; it was something you knew all too well. You lifted it from the box, and as you held it out in front of you, your eyes dropped down to the simple "J" pendant.

You hadn't laid eyes on it since the day you discarded it on the bathroom counter when you walked out on him.

To anyone on the outside looking in, it was just a piece of jewelry. But to you? It had been everything.

He gave it to you when you both were seventeen, way back in high school. It wasn't your birthday, Valentine's, or any other special day. It was just a random day when he decided to pull it out and slide it around your neck. That led to it being the same day you decided to trust him with your virginity and the day you realized you could see forever with him.

From that day forward, you wore it like it was attached to your skin. You remembered losing it once during a football game while cheerleading and crying to Jonathan so hard that he gathered Joshua and half the football team to help find it. And somehow they did.

Even after graduation, when you and Jonathan mutually split, even when you were with Trevor, the necklace remained in your possession, tucked away in your jewelry box. And when you and Jonathan found your way back to each other romantically, it was the first thing you put back on the first time you visited him.

Seeing it now hit you like someone just kicked you in the stomach. It was the last thing you thought would be in that box. With shaky hands, you returned it to the kitchen island while blinking back the tears that pooled in your eyes. One escaped, and you wiped it away with the tips of your fingers.

You better fucking not.

You closed your eyes, breathing through the ache. A tactic you mastered during the early stages of the demise of your and Jonathan's relationship. You cried so many tears over him for a whole year. Simple things like certain songs or movie titles would trigger you until you learned how to avoid them.

You weren't about to start that shit today.

Just as you had yourself pulled back together, the culprit appeared in the doorway looking considerably better than he did last night.

He was cleaned up and visibly sober. The black shirt he arrived in was now back on his body, while his hair was pulled back into his signature low ponytail. You kept your eyes glued on him as he planted himself across the kitchen island from you, creating the distance you needed. Two years hadn't changed him much physically. He looked just as good as he had the last time you saw him, which was even more annoying.

A few minutes that felt like hours trickled by with nothing but silence in the air as he watched you. He gave off the impression that he didn't know what to say, which was a first because Jonathan Fatu always had something to say.

"I..." he finally spoke, breaking the silence in the room before pausing and running his hand down his face.

"I... I apologize for coming here like that last night," he finally said after forming what you guessed he thought were the right words. Sincerity was etched in his facial features as his eyes searched your face for a response that you didn't have for him. His mentioning last night infuriated you all over again, and the fact that he decided to bring that necklace to further disturb your peace had you beyond agitated. Before you knew it, you were uncontrollably tapping your right leg to combat your nerves.

"I've been hoping and waiting for this for a long time... and last night... I just fucked everything up all over again," he said solemnly, the sound of his voice adding to your agitation.

"You did," you responded flatly.

"To the point that I don't even want to do this anymore." The words came out faster than you could process your emotions, and there was no room for second-guessing as you reached into your pocket and took hold of his keys.

"You can leave." You tossed them towards him, where they landed on the kitchen island with a loud clack. For a split second, you saw yourself aiming them at his face and had to fight against every fiber of your being not to do so.

"Have a nice life, Jonathan," you dismissed him.

In your heart, you didn't know how serious you were. It took years to get to this point, so you weren't sure how much you would regret this decision when you thought about it later. When you were back to moving through life, avoiding daily reminders of him like the plague because you didn't allow yourself to properly heal from the ordeal, you didn't know how you would feel.

At times, you truly hated it, but Jade was right. There was so much that needed to be said between you and him. Words that had been festering for too long. Because Jonathan wasn't just some random dude that you spent a few years with, he was so much more than that. Trying to ignore how much he meant to you and just moving on with life would never work.

But currently, you didn't care. You wanted him out of your apartment.

And again, you were more mad at yourself for even putting all of this in motion. You couldn't handle talking to Jonathan two years ago when everything went down, and still, after so much time, you felt like you weren't capable. How was it possible to have a civil conversation with someone who all but ripped your heart out of your chest?

You glared at Jonathan as his eyes momentarily dropped to the keys before they flicked back up to you.

"No. I'm not going nowhere, Y/N," he stated while disregarding the keys.

"No?" you asked incredulously.

"I waited too long for this, Y/N," Jonathan said as he rounded the kitchen island, walking up on you, causing you to move back against the sink.

"I don't want to leave here in the same position we were two years ago. I can't keep living like that," the words came out as he towered over you. He was standing so close that you could smell that he still wore the same brand of cologne you had gifted him many years ago.

Or was that just something he pulled out to get to you? Either way, you couldn't allow it to distract you.

"You think I give a fuck about what you want right now, Jonathan? You should've thought about that last night," you said as you looked up at him. You then tried walking away, only to be gently pulled back by the arm.

"Don't touch me," you yanked your arm from his grip.

"Look, I was thinking about it, Y/N. Too much. I was so in my head about seeing you again that I thought a few drinks would calm me down, and I ended up overdoing it. I know that's the last thing I should've done, but I guess shit hasn't been as easy for me to deal with as it has been for you." Jonathan tried pleading his case, but you were stuck on the last few words that came out of his mouth.

I guess shit hasn't been as easy for me to deal with as it has been for you.

You hadn't paid much attention to it before, but it was similar to something he wrote in his letter.

I guess it's not as easy for me as it seems to be for you.

"Wait a minute. Let me get this straight," you said to Jonathan while trying to collect your bearings.

"You cheated on me, and you think dealing with that has been easy for me?" you questioned him, bewildered.

"I had to rearrange my whole life because of what you did, Jon. I had to move back here to Florida and start a whole new life without you in it, something I thought I would never have to do. And you think shit has been easy for me?" You didn't give him time to respond as the words flew out of your mouth while you repeatedly poked him in the chest. You were hoping to create some distance with your poking, but Jonathan didn't budge and just stood there taking it.

You were so vexed that your heart was beating rapidly fast, and you were damn near shaking.

"I aborted my fucking ba—" you said before you realized what was coming out of your mouth. You tried to cut it off, but knew it was too late by the way Jonathan looked like someone had just knocked the wind out of him. This isn’t how you wanted that to come out, but you were just so baffled by his audacity in thinking that the breakup was harder for him. He had no idea what you had to go through to even be able to get out of bed in the morning after what he did.

"You got a abortion Y/N?" Jonathan asked you softly, but you could barely register his words. Your head fell into your hands as it felt like something fell off the shelf inside of you.

You hadn't thought about the abortion in so long. After going through with the process, you tucked it away into the far back of your mind. You buried it and made sure that Jade was the only person who knew and that she wouldn't bring it up unprovoked. Back then, you couldn't handle the reality of the fact that you aborted a child that you and Jonathan were actively trying to have together.

You used to talk about it for hours because with his schedule and yours, you knew that fitting a child into your world would be a hard adjustment. But no matter the cons, the desire to create a life together overpowered everything. You decided that you would figure it out as it came.

You already had names picked out.

Jonathan Solofa Fatu Jr., if it was a boy.

Journee Jae Fatu, if it was a girl.

You wanted to have a child with him.

So, back when you found out you were pregnant, you weren't shocked because you and Jonathan had long stopped doing anything to prevent it. You were more disturbed by the timing. Because how could you get through bearing his child when you couldn't even stand the thought of being near him? So you did what you felt like you had no choice but to do at that time.

And now it felt like the hurt you didn't allow yourself to properly work through back then was settling into your chest now.

"Y/N," Jonathan said your name, but you weren't capable of responding. Tears welled up in your eyes, and it felt like a dam broke as you started doing the one thing you said you didn't want to do behind Jonathan today. You started crying.

You felt so weak as he slid his arms around your waist and pulled you into his chest, and you no longer had the strength to push him away.

To Be Continued...

(I promise this will be wrapped up in the next part. I won’t continue to drag it out. I just needed to get something out cause I still care about this story. 😂)

#jimmy uso #jimmy uso fanfiction #jimmy uso x reader #jimmy uso x black reader #jimmy uso x you #jonathan fatu #wwe imagine #black writers #the bloodline x reader

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