#confetti tour lockscreens | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

blurry-fics · 5 years

Text

Don’t Want The World To See Me

Pairing: Tyler Joseph x Reader

Warnings: Angst

Word Count: 3022

Request: Iris - GooGoo dolls for Tyler song imagine

Author’s Note: As the request indicates, this fic is based on the song Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls! It’s written a little differently than what I usually do, but I think it turned out pretty good. Also, hopefully you aren’t minding all the long fics lately. I’ve been trying to keep them on the shorter side, but I inevitably get carried away ever time. Anyway, I hope you like this one! :) (picture credit)

Confetti was still falling slowly over the crowd, casting a yellow tint to the faces looking back at him. A smile was plastered on his face, but it was only for show. His mind had been elsewhere the entire night, distracting him from fully focusing on the music. It wasn’t a feeling that Tyler was used to and he had done his best to make it appear as if everything was fine, though deep down he knew it wasn’t.

When Josh wrapped a sweaty arm around him, he hardly felt it. A slight nudge reminded him to bring the microphone to his lips and repeat the words he said every night.

“We’re Twenty One Pilots and so are you.”

The room erupted in cheers as Tyler held his hands up, crossing one of his fingers behind the others. He didn’t have to turn his head to know that Josh was doing the same next to him. After one final glance around the room, Tyler turned and walked offstage.

People swarmed around him the second he arrived backstage, taking things from his hands or offering him something. He grabbed a water bottle from a nearby crew member and quickly took off the cap, downing the entire thing in one go. Another faceless hand held a towel out to him, which he took and threw around his neck. His free hand reached up and used the fabric to wipe away the sweat that had collected along his shirt collar.

Crew members threw praise at him as he made his way back to the dressing room, to which he simply smiled and quickly thanked them. In his head, he could only remember all the things that had gone wrong. If you asked him, this had been one of the worst shows of the tour so far. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise. With how he was feeling tonight, how could a show have gone well?

It was a relief when he finally made it to his dressing room, providing him with his first moment alone. He needed to take a second to compose himself before he would be stuck on the bus and forced to put on a brave face for everyone. There was only one person that he was ever willing to let to fully let his guard down around, and they were currently halfway across the country at home in Ohio.

Tyler would give anything to be in their arms right about now.

His moment alone was ended promptly by a knock on his dressing room door. A crew member popped her head in shortly after he answered.

“We’re getting ready to pack up the room soon. Do you need more time?”

“No, I’ll be out of here in a second,” Tyler answered.

“Ok. Thank you.”

He slowly wandered over to the mirror on one side of the room and leaned forward, firmly resting his hands on the counter in front of him. He took a moment to study his face, wondering if the pain that he could so clearly see within it was evident to anyone else.

Tyler eventually pulled himself away from the mirror, gathered up what few personal belongings he had brought with him into the room, and began the walk to the tour bus. This was the last moment of peace he would get until he laid down for bed that night, so he was determined to make the most of it. He slowed his pace to nearly a crawl and allowed his eyes to roam over every inch of the plain, concrete walls. If he listened carefully, he could make out the distant hum of people leaving the venue after the show.

Cool wind whipped at Tyler’s cheeks the moment that he pushed the big metal door open. As much as he wanted to avoid people just a few moments longer, the single gust of wind was enough to make him want nothing more than to be wrapped in a warm blanket inside. His feet carried him quickly across the pavement to the tour bus. With shaking fingers, he entered the code and quickly ascended the stairs to the main part of the bus.

“There he is,” Brad smiled, immediately clapping a hand down on Tyler’s shoulder. “Nice job tonight, man.”

“Thanks,” Tyler returned his smile and straightened his back a little. “It was a good show tonight.”

He waited until Brad’s hand had dropped away from his shoulder before making an excuse about needing to get changed and slipping away to the back room. It felt nice to get out of his show clothes and into something more comfortable and clean. Although it didn’t entirely take away the discomfort he was feeling, it did help lift his spirits a little. Before he went to rejoin the rest of the guys, he sent a quick text to Y/N.

Tyler: Could really use some time with you tonight. If not, that’s ok too. I love you

He watched the screen for a moment, silently hoping that they would answer instantly and he would have an excuse to stay in his room for the rest of the night, but when the screen of his phone eventually faded to black, he knew that wasn’t the case. With a sigh, he stuffed his phone back into the pocket of his sweatpants and joined the rest of the guys on the couch.

Josh smiled as Tyler collapsed down onto the couch next to him. Tyler returned the smile, hoping that it was convincing enough to keep Josh off of his case. Normally Josh was his number one confidant when he started having issues on tour, but not today. Today’s issue was a lot bigger than the things they usually talked about, and he wasn’t so sure Josh would understand. Not in the way that Y/N would, at least.

“Did you see me nearly faceplant when I was getting off the platform after Morph?”

It took Tyler a second to register that Josh was talking to him.

“I must have missed that. What happened?”

“I misstepped when I was coming down and ended up landing all funny. One of the security guards ended up catching me before I totally fell onto the concrete.”

“Better than cracking your head open in the middle of a show, right?”

“Right,” Josh laughed. That was a relief to Tyler, that maybe he hadn’t caught on. “But I know it’s going to end up all over Twitter and Instagram regardless.”

“It won’t be the end of the world. There are countless dumb videos of me on the internet.”

“Yeah, I guess it won’t be.”

Tyler reached over and put a hand on Josh’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. Josh continued to look down towards his lap, but a smile slowly spread across his lips. With his free hand, Tyler reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone to check it. Although he hadn’t felt it vibrate, there was always the possibility that he had missed it.

Or maybe not, as his blank lockscreen indicated.

He checked the time, quickly calculating what time it would be back home. It wasn’t terribly late, and Y/N had gotten into the habit of staying up late to hear about the end of shows, at least when the boys were still playing in the United States. The fact that they hadn’t answered his text was a bit unnerving, but he reminded himself it hadn’t been long since he sent the message in the first place.

“Want anything to drink, Tyler?” Mark asked. He was currently standing in front of the open fridge.

“Yeah, can I have a juice?”

“Sure thing.”

Mark grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge and tossed it Tyler’s way. He caught it in one hand and unscrewed the cap, bringing it to his lips in one swift motion. Mark tossed a couple drinks to Josh and Brad before sitting back down on the couch.

Tyler slowly tuned out of the conversation. His eyes were fixated on a small patch of carpet near the wall that was stained a bright color, most likely from someone’s drink that had spilled. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence on the bus.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get himself to stop thinking about Y/N. It had been close to a month since they had last seen one another. It was one of the longest periods they had been apart since they started dating nearly eight years ago. The original plan had been to have Y/N come on tour with the band, as was typical, but a family emergency had forced them to stay at home. Things were just finally getting cleared up, but with the tour coming to a close for the holidays, it had been decided they would stay at home.

Tyler was really wishing he hadn’t agreed to that right about now.

“Tyler? You good?”

Josh’s voice pulled Tyler out of his trance. He blinked a couple times and turned to his friend with a smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. The show really wiped me out so I’m having trouble focusing.”

“That’s alright. Sleep might not be such a bad idea.”

“I’m waiting on a text from Y/N. They mentioned wanting to FaceTime tonight.”

“Gotcha.”

A few more minutes passed. Josh, Mark, and Brad went back to their conversation, which Tyler picked up bits and pieces of but otherwise didn’t contribute to. He continued to check his phone, hoping that he had somehow missed a text from Y/N, but each time it came up blank. Each time he sighed and stuffed his phone back into his pocket.

After a few more minutes of internal debate, Tyler decided to send a second text. Maybe Y/N had missed it the first time and he knew they would feel bad if they accidentally ignored him when he needed to talk to them. He had just started to type when a little bubble popped up on Y/N’s side of the screen, making his shoulders drop in relief.

Y/N: Sorry, I was in the shower! Give me a few minutes and then I can call you, sound good?

Tyler wasted no time in typing out a response.

Tyler: Sounds perfect

“I just heard from Y/N. I think I’m going to head back to my room and talk to them for awhile, so I’ll see you guys in the morning.”

There was a chorus of goodnights as he stood up, stretched for a moment, and then headed to the back room. He made sure the door was completely closed and locked before falling back onto the bed and getting comfortable. The little lamp on the bedside table cast a nice amount of light around the room, keeping the atmosphere peaceful, but not too dark. While he waited for Y/N, Tyler scrolled through photos that the two of them had taken the last time he was home. Though it made his heart a little heavier knowing they weren’t there with him, it also made him smile knowing more moments like those were coming.

He didn’t hesitate to hit answer call on his laptop as soon as the notification popped up. The call struggled to connect for a second, but Y/N’s smiling face eventually popped up on his screen. In an instant, it felt like all the stress of the day had melted away.

“Hi, love,” Tyler grinned.

“Hey, Ty.”

He sat quietly for a moment, just admiring their smile and the way their eyes were shining in the dim light of their bedroom back home.

“How’s everything going over there?” they asked.

Tyler’s eyes dropped down to his lap, “They’ve been better. The distance is really starting to take a toll on me, I think. Everything feels off, I don’t really know how to describe it, but I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I’m out here playing music all around the world, but I get upset if I don’t have you with me? It’s dumb.”

“What you’re doing is hard, Ty. Most people aren’t away from home for months at a time, especially without their families. It’s ok to miss people you care about, even if you are living your dream.”

“I know. I just don’t want the world to see me like this, you know? Breaking down after shows and barely able to keep it together. I don’t think that they’d understand.”

Tyler buried his face in his hands and tried to take deep breaths. His eyes were already starting to brim with tears behind his fingers. He had been keeping it together all day, but now that he was talking it through with Y/N, all the emotion that he had so carefully kept bottled up was beginning to spill out.

“Tyler, love, it’s ok.” He could hear the distress in Y/N’s voice. “Do you have a blanket you can wrap around yourself? That might help.”

Tyler pulled his hands away from his face just long enough to take a look around. Sure enough, there was a blanket sitting near the foot of the bed. It was one that he had taken from home; he and Y/N always used it to snuggle up underneath when they had movie nights.

“I’ve got one,” he sniffled, pulling it up and around his shoulders. He pulled on the fabric until it was tight around his body.

“Is that helping?”

“A little.”

“Don’t beat yourself up for being stressed, ok? You have a lot on your plate with playing shows almost every night, doing interviews, planning for the next leg, and so much more. Plus, on top of that, you’re away from your support system - also known as me, your spouse - which makes things twice as hard. You’ve been going and going and going for almost a full month now, anybody in your situation would be starting to wear thin.”

“I know, I know. I just really don’t want to miss you tonight. I want you here, next to me, to wrap my arms around and fall asleep next to. Just one night with you would be enough to get me through these next few weeks.”

Tyler wiped away a few fallen tears with the back of his hand. His breathing had slowed back to near normal, though his eyes were still full of tears that had yet to slip down his cheeks.

“I wish I could be there, Ty, but-”

“No, I know, I’m sorry,” he sighed. “I don’t mean to make you feel bad. This is hard for both of us.”

“You didn’t make me feel bad, love. I would give anything to be next to you, too.”

“I’m ready to cancel the rest of this tour just so I can come home,” he mumbled.

Y/N sighed and pursed their lips. Deep down, they wished he could too, but there were people out there who needed to see Tyler just as much as they did.

“There’s only a few more weeks of shows and then you’re home for the holidays. You’re going to be home before you know it.”

“And we’ll get to decorate the house together,” Tyler said. His mouth curled up into a partial smile.

“Exactly. And we can see your family and sit by the fire together and stay out of the cold air.”

“It’s freezing here. I thought my fingers were going to go numb when I was putting the bus code in. Has it been bad at home?”

“Not too bad. Then again, the most I’ve been outside is to go to and from the car when I go places,” Y/N laughed. Just hearing their laugh made Tyler’s heart flutter. “But it’s definitely not numb fingers cold.”

“That’s good. It will get there eventually.”

“But you’ll be here to keep me warm.”

“Yeah, I will be.”

Tyler and Y/N continued to talk as they each slowly grew more tired. It took Tyler awhile to realize that he had stopped crying, his conversation with Y/N had completely distracted him. Y/N had always had a knack for distracting Tyler without him realizing, it was one of the many things he loved about them.

“I don’t think I can keep my eyes open much longer,” Tyler mumbled. His face was half-buried into his pillow. Y/N had just finished telling him a story, which he had somehow managed to hang onto every word of despite his tired state.

“Should I let you go?”

“Soon.”

“Ok, let me know when I should end the call.”

There was a brief pause in the conversation. Tyler opened his eyes just enough to get another glimpse of Y/N. They were sitting in the living room now, having just finished making cookies to bring to their family the next day. He couldn’t help a smile as he watched them flick through Netflix.

“Hey, can I tell you something?”

“Of course, Ty.”

“Thank you for always letting me vulnerable. You know exactly who I am and have never once criticized me for it and I love you for that.”

“I never want you to hide any part of yourself from me, love. That’s what loving someone is about, loving every single bit of them, perfect or not.”

Tyler’s smile grew even wider, if that was even possible.

“Man, I love you so much. I really am dating the coolest person in the world.”

“I don’t know about coolest, but I appreciate the sentiment nonetheless. I love you too, Tyler.”

“Ok, I need to try and get some rest now. I’ll talk to you in the morning?”

“I’ll text you when I wake up.”

“Ok. Goodnight. I love you.”

“I love you too. Goodnight.”

Tyler was thankful when Y/N ended the call so that all he had to do was shut his laptop and place it on the nightstand. He was barely awake long enough to flip the light off and roll into a more comfortable position.

When he slept, he dreamt of being home with Y/N.

68 notes · View notes