#congrats to myself i made it one week into the new year without crying about you & today marks the streak ending

[meeshimi]

bro im so tired

[writer-panda]

Hit on the groom and what became of it - chapter 1/I will keep missing you (if you don’t stop running)

Disclaimer: I don’t own DC or Miraculous. I’m just playing with some crazy concept. 

Chapter 1 (here)  -|-  Next

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Ladybug landed on top of the Eiffel tower with practiced grace. An agitated worry roiling in her chest about the message Chat Noir left her. The urgency was one thing, but he sounded… pained. Like the weight of the world dragged him down type pain. 

Marinette knew Chat’s home life wasn’t perfect. Skilled at hiding it, maybe, but details leaked through the cracks. An offhand comment here, a muttered accusation there, a sour face yet again here. He lived in pain and tried so hard to work through it. 

She tried to help him whenever she could, both as Ladybug and Marinette. She may not return his feelings, but she always listened. For months during their third year as heroes, she left food on the rooftop when Chat’s suit revealed too many ribs. She wasn’t sure the reason and didn’t dare to ask, lest she learned too much, but she did try to help. There were times she thought she imagined the pained looks, and thin frame, and thinly veiled comments; maybe overexaggerating the situation in her mind, as she often did. After all, he always acted so cheerfully.

Then, Lila happened. 

The first strike landed swift, almost deadly, but she survived. It was what followed that made her reconsider. A prolonged fight, where Marinette chose to retain a cheerful mask to hide the pain. Along the line, she considered confiding in her parents. But what could they do?  Maybe take her from school, but that would mean Lila already won; the Liar would rule unopposed.

Which left Adrien, her last bastion of friendship. 

She still harbored a bit of a crush on him, but it was justified! Like a knight in shining armor, he stood, always ready to defend her. He always ensured her inclusion in class activities and saved her from several catastrophes. 

She still stumbled over her words with him, but when it’s minor stuttering or not talking to anyone, she forced herself to adapt. It was nowhere near as bad as it used to be. 

With the ability to spend more time with Adrien without acting like a spaz, Kagami also appeared more often, and proved to be a good friend. Marinette found a home with the two awkward rich kids ridiculously clueless and unaware of how the real world functioned. In the end, she even grew to accept Adrien might not be destined to be hers but chose to support him nonetheless. 

“My lady?” She was broken out of her musing by a familiar voice.

“Hello, Kitty-cat. I got your message… what’s wrong?” She turned to see Cat Noir slumped over the railing, with his ears tweaking nervously. She didn’t even know he could do it. 

“I… I’m sorry my Lady, but I can’t… I can’t continue to be your partner,” he declared.

“What?!” she squeaked. “What happened? What’s the matter?” 

“I’m… I’m getting married,” he announced, his ears drooping and tail tucked between his legs.  

Oh, that’s… not what she expected to hear. “Married? Congrat…” she drifted off, noticing his sour face. “Chat? What are you not telling me?”

“It’s… I… My…” He struggled to figure out how to say it, but ultimately remained silent for a moment. “There is nothing to be happy about. It’s a… business marriage,” he spat, his eyes narrowing.  

“But… those are illegal!” Ladybug protested.

“Not when you make it look like a love match. Especially if you insinuate at a scandal.” He sneered, jumping off the railing and pacing along the empty rooftop. “My father holds all the cards and I… I’m in no position to oppose him.”

“I’m sure we can…”

He sighed, walking over to her. “Please… M’lady. Don’t try to give me hope. I accepted what I must do.” With that, he reached for the ring, but she stopped him.

“Chat. We can try… You’re my friend. You can’t… We will figure it out. Together.” In all they’d endured, suffered, and triumphed - Marinette had never seen him this despondent… this broken. 

He sighed, his eyes flat and dull. “There is nothing to figure out,” he said, forcing the ring off his finger. 

The transformation fell, leaving Adrien Agreste materialized in place of her long-time partner. Plagg’s sharp cry cut off, as he’s sucked into the ring the second he popped out of it. She stood there, too stunned to notice the blond boy pushed the ring into her palm and closed it. 

Marinette wasn’t sure what thoughts decided to rampantly rage through her head, but the train of thoughts probably broke the collective speed limit everywhere in the world at the same time. 

“M’lady?” Adrien’s soft voice brought her to earth when she was one step from panic.

“A-Adrien?” She choked on the word.

“You heard about me?” He looked dumbfounded. Ladybug, too shocked to say a word, gestured over to the building line. Even from so high and far away, his most recent billboard advertisement stood visible. “Ah… right.”

“Who… who’s the lucky girl?” Inside her mind, she wondered if Kagami right now faced a  similar problem. It was the most logical…

“Lila Rossi,” Adrien admitted, his shoulders hunching. 

Marinette.exe stopped working. 

A moment passed.

Another.

“Um… M’Lady?” The boy tried to prod his ex-partner to respond by waving his hand in front of her face.

“That… that lying…” Ladybug saw red. This could not be happening.

Adrien nodded, the despondent look on his face growing worse every second.“My father deemed her a suitable heiress to the Gabriel brand… I tried to warn him she was a liar, but he… I think he actually admires her skill…” Tears built in his eyes, and Adrien covertly tried to wipe them away. 

“Maybe… maybe you could… I don’t know!” she screamed in frustration. Marinette had several ideas about what Adrien could do, but none of them would help. 

Running away would be a problem. Leaking the story to the press would lead to his home life growing even worse. After dealing with Gabriel Agreste’s parenting, she held no illusion Adrien could win a court battle. The rich too often got away with whatever they desired. She could try to sicc Uncle Jagged on the case… or maybe Clara Nightingale… Nadia Chamack would probably love the news-breaking story, but it would all put Adrien in danger. Who knows what would happen before they could obtain results or protection against Gabriel’s extensive reach. 

Adrien sighed as if knowing exactly where her thoughts took her. Chat was no dummy, he probably scoured over his options more times than he could count. His resignation, the last resort in a long line of failed plans.  “I appreciate you trying, but I already told you I accepted it. Just… take me down, please. I… I didn’t really plan the location well…” He let out a weak chuckle. 

“Fine… I’m sorry kitty...” She grabbed hold of him and swung to the ground. Despondently she watched her best friend, her partner, walk away into the night; resigned to a life of suffering and isolation. 

There must be something she could do, she thought. She closed a gloved fist around the ring. She was Ladybug, and if she put her mind to it, there was nothing she couldn't do.  

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A week later the press learned about the upcoming wedding. Adrien and Lila both left school for home-school. The press and the general public ate up the news story about star-crossed lovers that met in school and became inseparable. It didn’t help that the class kept commenting about how good they were for each other. 

Marinette resisted an urge to gag whenever she caught the sound of the vicious lies and propaganda.  She was asked for comment only once but chose to refuse. It didn’t earn her any popularity in class. Luckily, she convinced Nadia to stop a nasty side-story about her jealousy from being published. 

No closer to a plan, she despondently continued to push through her life without her friend. She, unsurprisingly, hadn’t received a single text or call. Marinette didn’t blame Adrien; his position couldn’t be easy. A month after Adrien departed from her class, Marinette convinced her parents to also home-school her. Without a single friend, the school became a burden. Of course, her reasoning to her parents leaned into her focus on her fashion business. Which wasn’t untrue. It was starting to pick up. 

The only upside to this whole debacle was near-lack of akuma attacks. It seemed Hawkmoth found a hobby. Maybe he wrote poems? 

Nah. Not his style...

Two months after the announcement  Marinette woke to surprise guests: Adrien, his father, and Lila knocked on the bakery’s doors. The bride-to-be in an especially sour mood, as much as she tried to hide it. Gabriel appeared to be devoid of any emotions, as usual.

She seated them on the couch and asked if they would like a drink. She didn’t bother to offer food, not wanting to waste good cake on the likes of Lila and Gabriel. Although, Adrien’s thin cheeks and haunted eyes made her regret the decision. 

All of them declined the drink.

“Madame Marinette, I assume you have heard of the Wedding?” The capitalization clearly discernible in his voice. 

“Yes… Yes sir!” she corrected herself. Trying desperately to mask her disgust behind a layer of nervousness. She couldn’t risk a glance at Adrien, even if this was the first time she’d seen him since that night on the roof. Making it through the meeting would be hard enough without watching him suffer.  

“While initially, I planned to prepare the dress and suit myself, my son convinced me to give a chance to someone else to shine.” Clearly, whatever it was Adrien said, it didn’t include a polite request. “I have seen the dress you made for Rock Star Jagged Stone’s wedding, as well as the suit worn by Nadia Chamack.”

“They are designs I’m particularly proud of, sir.” 

Play the part. Play the part. Don’t send him to the hospital. Papa and Maman would be disappointed. Well, Maman would probably join me… 

Her homicidal train of thought ended as she forced a smile to appear on her face. Contrary to Lila’s stretched thin lips;  Marinette’s smile shines bright and could’ve been mistaken for genuine.

“Indeed… I’ve come to commission you to design and make the gown and the suit for the sweet couple.” He announced like it was the highest honor, but there was an amount of bile in his words Marinette used to think was reserved only for Nino.

“I… I’m… I’m honored, sir!” She beamed. The excitement only half-forced. Her moral compass told her even entertaining the proposal was wrong, but at the same time, her brain furiously flitted crafting possibilities. 

Gabriel nodded imperiously as if her acceptance merely added to a foregone conclusion. “Good. My assistant, Nathalie, will sort out the details. Lex Luthor agreed to pay for the pieces as his wedding gift, so do not be afraid to ask for full price.” He informed her t as if he believed she would give him a discount. 

For a moment, a singular reckless moment, Marinette entertained the temptation to voice her thoughts about Gabriel being cheap. 

She sighed, no, there would be another day for career suicide. The group rose to leave, and Marinette finally glanced at Adrien; his model-trained smile paper-thin. He caught her eyes, and if he radiated sadness two months ago, it didn’t hold a candle to the devastation swimming in his eyes. The exchange broke when Lila gripped a hand tight around his arm and dragged him to the door. 

Gabriel handed her a card, and the group departed. Marinette collapsed onto the couch, the makings of a headache building in her skull. 

This would be awful.  

------------

A week later Marinette held a separate meeting, consisting of Nathalie, Lila, Lila’s mother, and Adrien’s aunt. And her, obviously. 

She first asked what kind of dress Lila wanted.

Lila’s eyes lit up in an unholy glee; and she started talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

And talking. 

After the long and painstakingly thorough description, Marinette felt faint. Several reasons contributed to that, although the most prominent were the materials, the design, and the way she spoke. Obviously Lila had feelings, the kind likely to trigger an oncoming Auma attack if Hawkmoth hadn’t pranced off to who knows where, about Marinette designing her dress. 

Marinette was happy Adrien’s aunt pointed out the request’s complete madness, but Lila’s mother waved it off, quick to declare only minor adjustments to the request would be needed. 

In the end, Marinette presented several dozen designs, both hers and foreign to have a basis on which she could work. Lila, of course, chose the one that would be hardest to make.

“I’m sorry none of your designs were good, Marinette…” The liar cooed with faked sorrow. She hid a smirk the designer could clearly see. 

The notion was born because it was a picture and not a sketch. 

Marinette smirked, and rose from the couch, ignoring Lila’s irritated scowl at her non-reaction.  

She liked it even less when the girl brought in the ready-made dress. 

“I made it as the first design for Penny Rolling’s wedding, based on Uncle Jagged’s suggestions. I should’ve known Penny didn’t approve of his idea, but…” she waved it off.

Lila, now actively glaring at her, sat back on the couch. All of which was mistaken for amazement by the adults.

Marinette ignored the girl’s dramatics, it was the only way she’d survive this meeting intact. “Of course, there still needs to be several adjustments and personalizations. I will also need to order the amber you requested. And the platinum thread. And the white gold. And probably an industrial-grade 3-D printer… Is that covered by the expenses?” She looked at Nathalie, who nodded. “Great! I will need just a moment.” 

The women watched as Marinette practically leaped at her notebook and added in adjustments to the sketch. Fifteen minutes later, when she presented a new design, impressing them all (sans Lila, obviously) with the flowing lines and intricate details. They praised her talent (even Natalie), and Marinette played the bashful young designer role to a tee. The liar kept glaring though. She couldn’t back away easily, since she already made a scene about wanting that specific dress. Marinette informed them beforehand she would need to know about her specific wishes before she made any adjustments. 

The final design looked pretty much exactly what Lila wanted though, but she didn’t want to give her nemesis the satisfaction. Her entourage did enough of this. 

Under the cover of being too emotional, they ended the meeting. Nathalie remained to finish the deal and sign the contract. 

After all of them left, Marinette collapsed onto her chair. An hour later a notification from her bank came. She received the first half of the payment. When finished, the dress would officially be the most expensive wedding dress to date. Blessed be Lex Luthor and his deep pocket. She chuckled, remembering how much the billionaire got kidnapped because of his money.

Then, an idea shined in her head.

Oh. 

Oh...

She took off her earrings and dismissed Tikki, promising she needed a quick chat with Plagg about a new potential holder. When Marinette put on the ring, the Kwami of destruction popped back into existence. 

“So… figured out how to help my chosen?” he asked. 

What Tikki didn’t know was when Marinette said she intended to discuss potential holders for Plagg, they really worked on a way to save Adrien. It was their secret since Tikki would most likely disapprove. They didn’t want to risk her disappointment in them. Not until they crafted a fleshed out full-proof plan. 

She nodded. “I have an idea. Let’s hire someone to kidnap him!” 

Plagg rolled his eyes. “Did they hit you on the head, pigtails?”

“No. But look, the problem is whatever we come up with, Adrien ends up blamed or we land ourselves in jail, right?” The Kwami nodded. “So… if we make sure it’s a very public kidnapping and he disappears, we can stash him away until the heat dies down. After we dye his hair and apply fast-tan, he will look different enough no one will connect the two. I’m pretty sure I could get my hands on fake documents if I tried hard enough…” she trailed off thinking of all the minutiae to coordinate to pull this off. 

It would be hard. 

But it would be worth it. 

Plagg slowly nods. “Okay… Somehow, that both makes no sense and seems perfectly legitimate. It’s also your most chaotic plan to date, Pigtails. Let’s do it!” The Kwami cheered, happy to be soon reunited with his chosen kitten. “But what about the costs!”

Marinette already had an answer in mind for that question. “Even after I subtract the costs of materials and other supplies, the payment for the dress, together with my savings, will be more than enough. Now… let’s go wake Tikki up.”

That… ended with the Kwami of Creation vomiting a pile of handcuffs and other police gear at Marinette. 

“Um… Why?”

The little red Kwammi placed her paws on her hips. “Because you should familiarize yourself with those if you plan on going to prison for that plan. It’s no longer just a phone theft, Marinette! You’re talking about breaking more laws than I can count!” She dropped to the pillow below, bemoaning about where she went wrong. 

Marinette scooped up her wayward friend and tried to reassure her. “I just need to be careful. I’m pretty sure I can do it without detection. Maman taught me how to not be seen on the internet. Or in general. Come on. I need to order a secure laptop.”

“I will help!” Plagg offered. “I can cataclysm the internet after you do your thing.”

“What?! No! Think of the cute cat pictures!” Marinette protested. “And video games.” 

“Relax! It’ll just remove any trace of you doing anything online in the several hours or so…” He calmed her.

Tikki trailed after them, a bundle of nerves and worry. “Plagg! It’s irresponsible! You can’t possibly…”

“Pigtails and I have it all under control. What’s the worst that could happen?”

---------

Turns out, a lot. 

Before Marinette put out the hit (kidnapping, she made sure that it was plain as day), she needed to set a price. That one was harder. It wasn’t like you could Google how much you needed to charge to kidnap a celebrity. At least, not without attracting a lot of unwanted attention. 

She asked her mother, under the guise of pure curiosity. It was a normal question any teenage girl asked her mother. How much does it cost to have someone killed, how much cheaper/more expensive a kidnapping is, how to acquire fake documents, that kind of stuff. Not suspicious at all. 

So absorbed in her rant, she missed a merry glint in Sabine’s eyes. She also didn’t question how her Maman knew those prices. 

Finally, she needed to fill the form. 

Assignment: Acquisition and Delivery

Asset(s): Adrien Athanase Agreste

Value: 

Here, Marinette paused. 

Her mom gave her a lengthy lecture about pricing and all. According to her, a professional would take up to fifty thousand dollars for kidnapping and bringing the target to her. Marinette decided, since Adrien was a celebrity, she should double the price. More risks involved, more reward, right? 

But, she also wanted to ensure she hired the best of the best. Compare her work to Gabriel Agreste’s, she came to the conclusion ten times the price was reasonable to ensure only the best in the field would take the job. 

Then, there was the matter of safety and so on and so on. By the end, she settled on two million dollars, as her asking price for one Adrien Agreste. Plagg sagely nodded, agreeing with her assessment. Tikki didn’t comment, as she wasn’t speaking to the two, but also seemed more accepting after spying on Adrien and Lila’s home life. Not that she revealed that tidbit to either of them, lest they drop the plan and directly go at Gabe and the Liar. 

After a few more details and boxes in the form Marinette filled until she came to the end. Only one more detail remained: 

Sponsor:

Marinette stared at the word for a moment. After a quick race of thoughts, she typed slowly. 

Sponsor: The Seamstress

Perfect. Nothing about this could go wrong.

Of course, how could she predict just how big of a mess she would make? 

----------

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

epiphany

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x Natasha Romanoff; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years

[warnings: death]

word count: 3168

Age: 21 Year: Sep. 2015 Location: Brooklyn, NY

"So I was thinking, godparents," Bucky spoke up. He and Natasha were currently finishing setting up the baby's nursery in their new apartment.

They had found a nice two bedroom apartment in Brooklyn, much to Natasha's dismay. Bucky thought it was the perfect place to start their new little family. It was also about a 20 to 30 minutes drive to Bucky's work and University campus. His mom and stepdad had even offered to help them out financially for a bit, just as long as Bucky continued on his path to graduate with his Masters in Music Technology in the Spring.

Bucky had managed to finish his bachelor's and masters program in just the span of 4 years, a whole year earlier than originally planned. He was proud of himself, if there's one thing he hadn't screwed up yet, it was his education. He had fully devoted himself to his education the last four years and it clearly paid off. He had also managed to get a good paying job at a studio as an engineer. He had his whole future all planned out, the pregnancy might've been a curve ball at the beginning but with the help of his family and therapist, he was handling it all so well.

"Oh you don't need to worry about the godparents, I have it all figured out already," Natasha tells him as she folds baby clothes, "I picked Abigail and Dylan."

Natasha on the other hand had decided to put her education on hold. Deciding she wanted to be a stay at home mom, Bucky constantly made sure that that's what she wanted. And she insisted every time that she was "made to be a stay at home mom". So Bucky had to reluctantly allow her to make that decision. 

Which was one of the reasons why his parents had offered to help out for at least the first year or two, they had known their son was already stressing about finances, and trying to respect Natasha's decision. They figured two years would be a good enough time for the couple to build up their savings.

Bucky didn't like the fact that his parents were helping out with money, but he knew him and Nat wouldn't have been able to make it just on is current income alone. At least not until after he graduated, his boss had already promised a raise once he graduated, but that wasn't until May and the baby was due in the next two weeks.  He promised to pay his parents back every cent they gave him, but they told him to just focus on being a good father.

"Abigail and Dylan?" He questioned.

"Yeah," she shrugged her shoulders.

"The same Abigail and Dylan that showed up to the baby shower high, and proceed to get drunk, because and I quote 'babies are so boring'. That Abigail and Dylan?"

"Come on James, they were just joking, plus baby showers aren't necessarily the most fun thing in the world," she rolled her eyes.

"Can we at least each choose one godparent?" He suggested, "You can have Abigail as the Godmother and I can choose The Godfather."

"Like Sam?"

"No, not Sam. Steve," Bucky tells her.

"Oh, then no," she simply said, turning her back to him to continue putting clothes away.

"What's your problem?" Bucky asks annoyed, finally having enough of her attitude, "This entire pregnancy you've been against everything I've suggested."

"Hey, you got to choose Brooklyn," she turned around pointing her finger at him.

"Yeah because I couldn't fucking afford Manhattan Natasha," he stressed, trying not to raise his voice at her, "You didn't want to know the gender of the baby? Fine. You get to name the baby? Fine. You choose the color scheme of the nursery, fine. You choose the hospital. You choose the apartment. God damn Nat, I haven't done a single thing but pay for everything."

"And I thank-you for that," she rolled her eyes.

"But you don't," he shakes his head in disbelief over her reactions, "You haven't thanked me once. I get that you're carrying our child, and I'm appreciative of that. But god damn Natasha, show me some respect. Show my family some respect!

"You didn't thank my mom, Rebecca, or Keith for everything they've done for you. For us. And I can't keep making up excuses to defend you," he raises his voice a little bit.

"If this relationship is ever going to work, you need to be respectful. You need to stop being so selfish. I get this isn't easy for you, but trust me, this isn't easy for me either. But I agreed to do this. I am stepping up. I want to be a part of my child's life. And I want us to be together and be family," he calms down, "But if you continue to act this way. I won't stay in this relationship."

"You're just going to abandon us?" Natasha asks grabbing her belly, suddenly realizing the reality of the situation.

"No, I won't abandon you both. But we won't be together," he explains, "I will always be in my child's life. I will always be there for them. I'm not going to put my child through the same thing I went through growing up. I promised myself I would never do that."

"So if that means that you and I break up, then so be it Natasha, I'll do it," he tells her, "My child will not grow up in a toxic household."

"Okay," she agrees, tears in her eyes, "I promise I will be better."

"Don't promise me Nat, just show me."

Two and a half weeks later Bucky found himself rushing an in-labor Natasha to the hospital, it was a quick k10 minute drive from their apartment. He quickly called his mom as the nurses wheeled Natasha away, with Bucky following.

Bucky's mom arrives within the next 10 minutes, as the nurses begin to prep Natasha in her hospital room.

Bucky sent a quick text to Steve and Sam, letting them know it was showtime and that he'll call them once the baby is here.

"How's Mama doing?" The doctor asked while entering the room, quickly taking her spot at the foot of the bed to examine Natasha.

"It hurts," Nat cried, as Bucky tried to soothe her.

"I know, but unfortunately you were too far dilated when you arrived, that it's too late for the epidural," the doctor softly explains, "But the good news is I feel Baby's head, so it's time to go."

Natasha looked over at Bucky, completely scared.

"It's okay," he assured her, "I'm right here. Everything's going to be okay."

He leaned down an placed a soft kiss to her lips, helping her relax a bit.

"Ready?" The doctor looks up at Natasha.

"Yes," Natasha nodded, grabbing a hold of Bucky and his mom's hands on either side of her.

10 minutes later, a soft cry was heard in the room. Bucky quickly glanced over to where the doctor was had finished pulling the baby out.

"Congrats Mommy and Daddy, it's a girl," she announced.

"A girl?" Bucky whispered in awe, tears filling his eyes. He looked over at Natasha, who looked a lot paler in color.

"Nat?" He called out for her.

Her eyes fluttered shut, her limbs went limp, and all the monitors started to go crazy.

The doctor quickly cut the umbilical chord and handed the baby off to an awaiting nurse.

"What's going on?" Bucky panicky asked.

"Get them out," the doctor told a nurse, ignoring Bucky's question.

A nurse quickly escorted Bucky and his mom out of the room.

"She's going to be okay right?" He asked his mom, tears streaming down his face.

"I don't know honey," she honestly said, wrapping her arms around her son. She never thought the first hug they shared after him becoming a father would be like this.

She continued to hold him, soothing him as she made silent prayers pleading for Natasha's safety.

10 minutes later. The same 10 minutes it took for them to arrive to the hospital. The same 10 minutes it took Natasha to bring their daughter into the world, the door opened.

Bucky quickly pulled apart from his mom to see the doctor walking out of the room.

The doctor's face was filled with sorrow. Bucky's mom immediately put her head down, already knowing the outcome.

"How is she?" Bucky asked.

"Mr. Barnes, Natasha had a postpartum hemorrhage, due to issues with her placenta," the doctor carefully explains, "Unfortunately, there was too much blood loss. We weren't able to save her. She died."

Bucky immediately broke down, his mom quickly caught him. The doctor placed a reassuring hand on his back.

He quickly pulled away after a couple of minutes, "The baby. How's the baby?"

"She's good. They took her to get checked just as a safety procedure," the doctor tells him, "She's on the pediatric floor. Would you like to meet her?"

"Yeah," he says, then pauses, "What about Natasha?"

"We can come get you to say goodbye once we get her cleaned," the doctor tells him.

"Okay, thank you," he says.

The doctor takes him and his mom to the pediatric floor. The walk was silent. No one knowing what to say. Bucky was no longer crying, but he felt numb the entire short walk. The doctor knocked quietly on a door, before opening.

"Doctor Monroe, this is Mr. Barnes, the baby's father," the doctor said, before stepping aside to let Bucky in, "Mr. Barnes, I'll have someone come get you when it's time."

"Okay, thank-you," he nodded his head.

"Are you ready to meet your daughter?" Doctor Monroe asked, Bucky nodded his head.

"Meet your Daddy baby girl," the doctor said, gently handing the baby over to Bucky.

Bucky looked down at the small baby in his arms. He was instantly overcome with so many different emotions. The doctor walked out of the room, while Bucky's mom watched from outside threw the window.

"Hi baby girl," he whispered, sniffling back his tears, "You're so beautiful. I'm your dad. And boy am I lucky that you chose me to be your Dad. I always imagined this day would've turned out a lot differently. But life sure knows how to throw some real curveballs."

"Your mom would've loved you," he paused, letting it all sink in. His daughter will have to grow up without a mother. No little girl should have to be without a mom.

"I'm so sorry," he cried, as the baby was lulled to sleep, "I am so sorry your mom won't be able to physically be here. I am so sorry you'll have to grow up without her. No one should have to grow up without a parent. And trust me, I know what that's like. But lucky for us, I had the greatest pleasure of being raised by the most strongest and kindest mother. She taught me everything I know. Your grandma is the best lady you will ever meet. Lucky for us because god knows we're going to be needing her a lot.

"But you and I are incredibly fortunate that we won't ever be alone. We have so many people who care about us. You'll have all the female leadership you can ever need. We can do this," he strongly said to the sleeping baby, "You and I. We can do this. And I promise you this, that no matter what happens, you will always have me. You're stuck with me for the rest of your life. My love for you is greater than anything, anyone I've ever loved. My love for you will always be easy and unconditional. You'll never have to prove your worth to me. You're worth more to me than you can ever possibly imagine. I love you."

Bucky placed a soft kiss to his daughter's forehead. The first kiss he will ever give her, but definitely not the last.

There was a soft knock at the door, he gently called for the person to come in.

His mom quietly opened and closed the door behind her, stepping to her son's side.

"She's beautiful," she smiled down at the little baby.

"She really is," Bucky beamed. He looked over at his mom and noticed she was holding a clipboard, "What's that?"

"Birth certificate," she tells him, "One of the nurses gave it to me. They said there's no rush to fill it out. You have time."

"Here, I can do that," he said gently holding the baby out for her to take.

"Are you sure?" She asked, switching with him.

"Yeah, I have a name anyways."

"What is it?" She looked over at the name written down:

Poppy James Barnes.

[flashback]

After that talk Bucky had with Natasha, he noticed a serious change in her attitude. She was beginning to be more relaxed and more selfless. Bucky felt a tiny weight lifted off his shoulder. Hoping that these changes in her personality would stay.

"So what do you think about James for a boy?" Natasha asked one night, as she and Bucky made dinner together in their small kitchen.

"For a middle name?" He asked confused.

"No, his first name."

"Oh," he paused, "I actually have never liked the idea of giving a child their parents' name. I feel like it doesn't really give them a chance to be their own person. If their parent is successful then they feel the stress of always having to live up to that. And if their parent is crap then they're forever stuck with that reminder of that person."

"That makes sense," she agreed, understanding where he was coming from,

"Then how about James for the middle name. Whether it's a boy or girl."

"I would actually really like that," he smiled at her, "I would like that a lot."

They gathered up their own plates, and sat at their small round table.

"So what other names have you come up with?" Bucky asked her as he took a bite of his chicken.

"Truthfully, I haven't found any good names. All the girls keep making suggestions and they're way too out there," she tells him, "I don't want them to have a name that's too hard to pronounce or spell."

Natasha's phone started to ring, Bucky got up to grab it for her from the living room. By the time he handed it over to her it stopped ringing.

"What kind of flower is that?" He asked her, noticing her phone's Lock Screen background.

"The California Poppy," she tells him.

"Why do you have that as your background?"

"Well my mom was actually from California," she says, "She met my Dad when they both went to Harvard. They fell in love, so she decided to stay out here on the East Coast.

"The only clear memory I have from her was all the stories she used to tell me about poppy season. How the color just made everything so lively. Her parents would take her every season. I remember seeing all the photos of her as a child surrounded by all the flowers. We looked a like as children," she fondly smiled,

"She always talked about taking me to go see them, but she and Dad were always so busy. Then she got sick and there just wasn't a way for us to go. My grandparents tried to get some out here but it was too late. I never did get to see the poppies."

Natasha was silent for a moment, letting what she said sink in. She's never told anyone that story before, the memory would always make her sad. But now sitting here with Bucky, pregnant with their child, for the first time in her life her mother's death didn't bring her such sadness. She could smile at the memory and know she had the utmost best time with her mother, even if it was short lived, she knew her mother loved her. And she can't wait to shower that love onto the baby inside of her, once they were out.

"We should go," Bucky says, "Once the baby is here we should go when it's poppy season. Plus it'd be nice seeing Steve and Liz's life out west."

"Yeah, that sounds nice," her eyes teared up, seeing how generous this man was in front of her, "I'd really love that."

"Poppy, that's cute," Winifred smiled.

"Yeah, Nat would've loved it."

"They said if you were ready, you can say your goodbyes," she carefully said.

"Okay, you're good with her?"

"Yeah. Do you want me to go with you? The nurses can watch Poppy."

"No. I'd feel much better if she was with family," he tells her, "I'll be fine mom. I can do this."

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before leaving the room.

"Take all the time you need," the nurse told Bucky, as she led him to the room Natasha's body was in.

"Thank you," he quietly said.

She opened the door for him, and he carefully stepped inside.

He walked closer to the body on the bed. He immediately started crying at the sight of her lifeless body.

"God Nat," he cried, "I am so sorry. We never even discussed the possibility of this ever happening. I never even thought of this happening. God I don't know how I am going to ever do this alone. I never imagined myself ever raising a child alone."

He takes a moment to catch his breath.

"She's beautiful Nat, so incredibly beautiful," he tells her, "I wish you would've been able to see her. Hold her. I'm going to make sure she knows everything about you. There's not going to be a day where she doesn't know about her mother."

"When poppy season arrives I'm going to make sure to take her. Every year," he wipes away a tear, "Oh, I also named her Poppy. For you. For your mom. I promise I won't let you down. She's going to have the best life ever. I'll make sure of that. Thank-you for everything you've given me. I truly did love you. Goodbye Natasha." _________________ Age: 22

Location: CA

Year: May 2016

The car comes to a stop, parking in a spot next to a bunch of other cars. Bucky, Liz, and Steve get out of the car. Steve and Liz grab a few things from the trunk, while Bucky gets the smiley baby out of the car seat. Bucky places the baby into the stroller, Steve had gotten out. The three of them began to walk towards the field of poppies.

"Wow, there's a lot this year," Liz says, "Do you want to take her out?"

"Yeah, I'll grab her," Bucky says grabbing Poppy.

He walked ahead of Liz and Steve, taking in the moment with his daughter.

"Look at all the poppies," he whispers to the almost eight month old. She had a huge smile on her face taking in the sight around her.

She was making some babbling sounds, as if to agree with her dad.

The weather was perfect. The sun shining down on them, it wasn't too hot or too cold. Bucky just stared at the flowers, with a peaceful feeling washing over him. The last few months haven't been the easiest, but he was making it. They both were making it. Being here, gave him the reassurance that he was doing good. He could feel Natasha's presence with him there. As if she was silently saying how proud she was of him.

"We're going to be fine," he said to Poppy, placing a kiss on her head.

[olivia-anderson-fanfic]

Satisfied, Part 35

First

Previous

Next

~~~

She let Robin turn in the criminal for two different reasons. The main one was the fact that her suit was falling apart by the second and the only reason it hadn’t disappeared already was she was pouring her own energy into maintaining it. The other reason was that the sight of the man made her feel sick; she couldn’t look at him without remembering exactly what she’d done, how he’d looked, and how it made her feel in the moment.

She clenched her fists tightly, letting her nails dig into her gloves as she ducked into an alley.

She brought her hand to her ear.

“Me and Robin are leaving patrols for the night,” she said. Her voice was much harsher than she’d intended. Maybe that was why no one argued.

“Robin and I,” corrected Nightwing.

She took a deep breath, ready to curse him out despite the apparent rule against cursing, but Robin cut her off before she could say anything: “Not the time, Nightwing.”

“Definitely not. I’m behind the building, come find me.”

“What happ --,” began Red Hood, but she turned off her comm.

She let her costume drop.

Tikki fell from her earrings and Marinette had to dive across concrete to catch her. Her elbows and knees were scratched and bleeding, but she couldn’t care as she examined the kwami.

Tikki wasn’t moving.

She felt tears well in the corners of her eyes and she forced them back. Robin would be there soon. She didn’t have the right to cry when he had just --.

A hand rested on her shoulder and she looked up to see him.

She sniffled and gently set Tikki in her bag. She pushed herself to her feet and took him by the arm, dragging him through the streets.

It was a bad idea to go out like this. No one knew who Marinette Dupain-Cheng was, but from the amount of people snapping pictures of her she would be pretty well-known by the end of the week. She found she couldn’t care less.

“What’re we doing?” He asked quietly.

“I’ll tell you when we get there,” she muttered, her grip tightening on his arm.

He didn’t respond, just allowed her to pull him along.

She got to her apartment and practically tossed him inside, slamming the door behind them.

Plagg was sitting on the bed and she rolled her eyes at his disapproving look. The kwami opened his mouth but she beat him to it: “Don’t. Not right now. Just get the ring.”

Robin eyed the god and Marinette, as if he wasn’t yet sure which one he was supposed to be more wary of. She didn’t know if she wanted to take that as a compliment or an insult.

The kwami dropped the ring in her hand and it pulsed with power. A blinding green light emanated from the tiny ring, and both humans had to shield their eyes a little.

She forced it into Robin’s hand before it could mess with her. Having both the ladybug and cat miraculi on hand at the same time was known to corrupt event the most pleasant and mentally stable people. She already had committed a murder. Who knows what she would do.

He frowned as he toyed with the ring. As they watched, the white plastic ring morphed into what looked to be industrial steel.

Marinette smiled tensely. “Congrats, ‘Robin’, you’re now the owner of the cat miraculous.”

Robin tipped his head to the side as he considered it, then shook his head slightly. “I don’t want it.”

“Too bad,” she said. Oh, there was that harsh tone again.

He winced.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “What you did was absolutely stupid and reckless and, unfortunately, that seems to be the main two necessities for getting the cat miraculous.”

Robin raised his eyebrows and set the ring down. “Marinette, I know --.”

“Don’t ‘Marinette’ me! You were dead!”

“And why do you care? I thought you hated me!”

She groaned. “So did I, really. But apparently not! I never react like that! Apparently I care about you, who knew?”

He frowned. “React like what?”

Right. He hadn’t been alive to see what she’d done. She swallowed thickly. “It doesn’t matter.”

He looked like he was going to protest, but she didn’t let him get a word in.

“What does matter is that you’re doing stupid things that are getting you dangerously hurt -- for no real reason, mind you -- and if you’re going to do that then I may as well make sure you’re protected.”

“It’s fine, your yoyo brings everything back to status quo at the end anyways --.”

“Not anymore it doesn’t!”

His eyes widened.

“I need an active cat to maintain balance, and since I’ve been using Tikki for a month now without one, I’m pretty weak. I wasn’t even sure if I could...” She sighed. “I didn’t know if I could do it this time, and now...”

She pulled Tikki from her bag and let him see the kwami, who was still completely immobile.

Plagg darted to the other kwami and took him from Marinette’s grip, sending his guardian a glare as he carried her to the fridge to try and force Tikki to eat.

“But you shouldn’t have been relying on my ability to fix it anyways. It only fixes physical damages, but mental and emotional ones can’t just be taken away.”

He scoffed. “Yeah, I figured that one out for myself, thanks.”

She winced. Not at what he’d said, but at how he’d said it. The slight tremble of his voice, the way his eyes finally looked away from hers for the first time that night, the clenching of his fists. She walked over and, hesitantly, wrapped him in a hug.

He tensed up. “Um...?”

“Just let me have this, please,” she mumbled.

Robin nodded slightly and rested his arms around her.

She concentrated on her breathing. She had a lot of experience dodging negative emotions from her years of fighting Hawkmoth in Paris, she knew strategies to keep them in check. Usually this meant that all she had to do was distract herself. This would be fine.

Or, at least, it would have been if she hadn’t felt Robin bury his face in her hair.

A sob built in her throat as she tugged him closer. She blinked rapidly in an attempt to push her tears back. He was the one in trouble, he was the one who needed help, he...

Was crying.

Her own tears forced themselves to be known. She pressed her face into his chest, bunching up his costume in her hands.

She didn’t know how long they stayed like that; leaning into each other, sobbing over their shared experience, holding onto each other like their lives depended on it. But, eventually, she ran out of tears. Eventually, she felt him relax into her and begin to sleep.

Marinette gently detached herself and set him in her bed. She pressed a kiss to his forehead and went to drink some water. After a bit of considering it, she walked over and set some stuff out on the nightstand and wrote a note.

She sat down at the bedside, leaning against it and closing her eyes.

~

She opened her eyes to shifting behind her and looked over blearily.

Damian was crying silently, his hands covering his mouth to stifle the noise.

She hesitated, unsure if he’d want her help. Still, she reached up and rested her hand on his arm, giving him a gentle squeeze.

He stiffened slightly, then relaxed a bit. They sat there in silence for a while. Him crying, her staring off as she tried her hardest to push the events of the previous night from her mind.

“Marinette?” He whispered. “Are you awake?”

“No,” she mumbled sarcastically.

He gave a laugh, broken and sad as it was. “Right... I’m going to head home.”

“You sure? You don’t want me here to help?”

He rested his hand over hers and gave a gentle squeeze. “I have a dog. Besides, this is your bed.”

She didn’t bother to argue. She knew he was scrambling for an excuse to leave, and she wasn’t going to keep him. You can’t force someone to open up to others, it’ll only make them clam up more. So, she pushed herself to her feet and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

“Okay. Give them a pet for me.”

He gave her a small smile before heading out.

~

Damian smiled awkwardly at her, waving.

The bags under his eyes were extremely prominent and she frowned at the sight of them. Marinette was used to getting only a few hours, but Damian (for the most part) seemed to find time to sleep.

“How’re you feeling?”

“A little better,” he murmured. “And you?”

She winced at the lie on her lips and forced her mouth closed before she could dismiss the question like she wanted to. He seemed to understand anyways.

He reached over and gave her arm a small squeeze.

She looked away. “Does your family...?”

“No, they don’t know. And they won’t. Ever.”

Marinette didn’t know whether this was a good thing. Despite how much she hated it, she knew they should be leaning on others after what had happened the previous night. Still, the idea of telling someone what she’d seen, what she’d done, so soon was enough to make her breath catch in her throat.

She nodded to say she understood and changed the subject: “So, did Plagg explain everything to you?”

"Yep.”

“And?”

He seemed hesitant. “I think I’ll try it. It’s coming time for a new Robin, anyways.”

She nodded and reached into her pocket and pulled out the ring. She’d wrapped it in layer after layer of fabric to make sure she wasn’t tempted, but now it was going to be hard to get it out.

After a bit of digging, Marinette handed over the ring.

He slipped it on his finger.

“Plagg, claws out.”

With a bright flash of light he stood in front of her. She raised an eyebrow at the costume, which was exactly the same as his normal Robin one but this time in black.

“Creative.”

“Shut up,” he muttered, giving her shoulder a shove.

She grinned. “Right, I’m explaining everything to you myself, because Chat Noir had no clue first day even when Plagg tried to help.”

She was going to get lectured about that when Plagg got out, but until then she smiled and tapped the wall of the building.

“This is an abandoned warehouse. I checked to make sure there wasn’t any kids or Rogues, it’s completely empty. Cataclysm it.”

He looked at her like she was insane.

She sighed. “Listen, you’re too powerful right now, especially for a newbie.” She motioned to his costume. “I couldn’t get details in my outfit for about a year, and yet yours is pretty much fully-formed.”

“I’m powerful, so what?”

“It’s not good. If you used cataclysm on something small who knows what would happen. I’d prefer to stop that disaster before it happened.”

He frowned slightly. “But, if that’s the case, shouldn’t we be teaching me to control my powers?”

“We can when you’ve gotten most of the extra stuff out. Right now we’re avoiding a disaster. Sound good?”

He hesitated, his eyes finding their way to the building. “Who does this belong to?”

“It’s completely abandoned, said to be haunted because a guy died there. Legal fees made it shut down, and the people who owned it have been trying to sell it since. If you really care we can reimburse them however much they offered, but really it’s whatever.”

His eyes narrowed slightly. “You’re acting different.”

“Shocker!”

He winced and looked away.

“Sorry. I’m trying, it’s just...” She clenched her fists. “Yesterday was a lot. Doesn’t mean I can take it out on people. Especially not you.”

He nodded softly and raised a hand. “Cataclysm.”

She stepped away from the building to make sure she’d be fine and he pressed his hand to it.

It was gone in seconds. There was no gradual rusting, no time for it to spread. It simply collapsed into dust.

She looked at Damian and smiled faintly at the sight of his costume. It was fading rapidly, until it was back to the suit Cat Noir had used originally.

“Good. Now, we should get you used to your weapon...”

~~~

You know the last chapter was actually supposed to be just fluff of Marinette and Damian bonding but then I thought ‘naaah ive written too much fluff recently’

so like

my bad guys

~

Taglist

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<3

[angelbaugh-writes]

Reunited {Spencer Reid x Reader}

Request: Hi! Your writing always makes my day! Could I request #23 - “Yell at me! Do it! I know you want to.” with Spencer Reid. Thank you!   +    Could you do number 8 with spencer Reid, but if possible have a happy ending

Warnings: angst, mention of depression, a few curse words

Author’s Note: I hope you like it, loves! I meant to write the ending just a bit fluffier than it ended up, but nothing I thought of fit with the story. I hope you enjoy it! Thanks so so much for reading. Xox Angel Baugh

     You broke up with Spencer when the Bureau moved you to another unit. The 9-to-5 routine you now possessed clashed with your boyfriend’s chaotic schedule. After never seeing each other, you noticed him losing interest. Watching the man you loved most fall out of love with you was the most heart-breaking thing you’d ever had to endure. You broke up with his to save you from more hurt. He didn’t fight you to stay.

     A little over one year later, you were offered your old position. Without any hesitance, you accepted. You woke up early the morning of your first day back. On one hand, you were extremely excited to get back to the team you’d once felt was your family. Penelope called you screaming when she got the news. On the other hand, you were absolutely terrified to face your ex-boyfriend. There was no way things would go back to normal between you and Spencer.

     As expected, the first person to greet you was the computer genius herself. Her other half followed him in suit.

     “Hey, little mama. How have you been?” Derek hugged after Penelope let you go. “We missed you a lot over here.”

     “I’ve been alright. I’m excited to get away from sitting in a desk all day,” you laughed with him.

     “It’s good to have you back, L/N,” Hotch spoke as he passed by us, one of his rare smiles adorning his face.

      “It’s glad to be back, sir.”

     You were catching up with JJ when he arrived. Your back faced the door, but who entered by the worried look the woman in front of you gave. Panic was ready to spread, but Hotch called you into the meeting room before you had to face Spencer. There was a case.

***

     You sat in the jet surrounded subtly by the team. After spitting speculation and theory about the case back and forth for an hour, the chatter calmed down to a peaceful silence. You sat with JJ and Emily. A book sat in your hands, a new book you were excited to read. Nothing was like the jet rides before and after the job. It was the best time to catch up on novels or joke with your co-workers. 

     “How was your date last night, pretty boy?” You didn’t mean to overhear Derek’s question.

     “It was good.”

     The sound of Spencer’s answer made your heart drop. JJ and Emily must’ve heard, too, because they glanced at you as discreetly as they could. Wish shaking hands, you set the hardback book down and excused yourself to use the restroom. The bathroom was small and did anything but help you calm down. 

     Date? He already moved on? Did the two years spent together mean nothing to him?

     You wiped a few fallen tears away and looked into the mirror. This is the best you’d looked in a while. The bags under your eyes caused by countless sleepless night were finally faded. You were finally taking care of yourself again. The break-up hit you harder than you thought it would. You could have sworn you were finally getting over him.

     Exiting the bathroom, you sat back down next to Emily. She grabbed your hand in her own and gave a small squeeze. 

     “Thank you,” you whispered to her.

     “No problem. Let me know if I need to beat him up. You know I can take him,” she whispered back. A light giggle fell out of your lips.

***

     A knock at your hotel door broke your concentration on the case files in front of you. The time on the bedside alarm clock flashed red numbers: 11:35 pm. It had gotten a lot later than you planned to stay up. Sighing, you stood up to answer the door.

     Spencer stood before looking at the ground. The sight tore at your heart. His hair was more disheveled than when you’d last seen him. He looked upset.

     “I think we need to talk,” he spoke quietly. You silently letting him in, closing the door and locking it back.

     “I heard about your date. Congrats,” you broke the silence first.

     Spencer laughed softly, “I never had a date. I told Derek I did to get him off my back. He’s tired of me moping around all the time.” You didn’t know what to say. Sure you were happy that he hadn’t been seeing anybody, but now that you were talking to him all of the old emotions came flooding back. He whispered what he said next: “I missed you.”

     You scoffed, rolling your eyes. The action was an attempt to rid the tears piling up. It triggered a couple of droplets to fall anyways. You quickly wiped them away before he could notice.

     “Please talk to me. I haven’t gone a day without thinking about you. Please, Y/N.” You ignored his pleas and averted your gaze. “Then yell at me! Do it! I know you want to.”

     “Do you have any idea what it was like to go through that? Spencer, I put my entire being into that relationship. I mentally drained myself trying to keep your attention. It fucking hurt when I went two weeks without hearing for you. What you did was bullshit. It took months of therapy to come to the conclusion that I deserved none of that. I didn’t sleep for eight months, Spencer. You didn’t even have the decency to warn me.” You were crying now. Sobs tore through you as the emotions you originally felt a year ago came crashing down around you. He began to move towards you. “Don’t you dare touch me.”

     It took a minute for Spencer to speak again, “I still love you. I wish I had realized that sooner.” You looked up at him through your tear-drenched eyelashes.

     “Please don’t lie to me, Spence. I can’t take much more.”

     “I’m not lying, Y/N. I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. Will you please give me another chance?” he begged. “Please consider it.”

     You weighed the pros and cons in your heard. Forgiving him would take a little more than a midnight confession. Any normal person would say no. But you caught serial killers for a living, nothing about you was normal. Not to mention that you were still in love.

     “You are going to spend a lot of time making this up to me, okay? I still need time.”

     He swept you into a tight hug. His warmth surrounded you and his scent sent a shiver through your spine. His hold on you brought even more old feelings to light. You finally felt at home again.

[thatsbucknasty]

she used to be mine (ii) waitress au

summary: Inspired by the broadway musical. Y/N Beck is a pie baking force to be reckoned with. She’s pregnant with her lazy ass husband, Quentin Beck’s baby. As everything around her turns upside down, Doctor James Buchanan Barnes charms his way into her life. pairing: Y/N x Bucky tags are open c:

this is a short chapter but we get to meet Bucky!

chapter 2: what baking can do

I’ve had one week to think about this. I was raised by very religious parents, and don’t get me wrong, I’m not one of those pricks who want to decide over women’s bodies. I just, I wouldn’t do it myself, you know? I always wanted to be a mother, just not to Quentin’s baby. It’s confusing, I know. Leaving him sounds easy to an outsider but he’s all I have.

My mom died when I was 16 and my drunk dad left town with his new wife two years later. We got married six months after graduation and I didn’t get to go to college but he wrote songs about me and I really thought his band was gonna make it big. I believed in his talent. It’s been ten years. I was on the pill all these years and it never failed. One drunk night and that stupid red dress, that’s all it took. But it’s time to move on and be practical. I won’t leave Quentin. That’s not on my short term plans. All I can do for now is work my ass off, save some money for this baby and go see a doctor.

Doctor Lily Perkins likes my pies. It’s gonna be delicious. I’ll make something sweet with berries just for her. 

Rolling the dough for the crust is my favourite part. I remember how my mom would hide in the kitchen when my dad was drunk. She would turn the bitter days into sweet red velvet cookies and strawberry milkshakes. She taught me everything I know, from cracking eggs one-handedly to whisking stiff peaks of italian meringue. But rolling the dough for the first cherry pie I ever made, is my favourite memory of hers and mine.

“Careful, you don’t want the sugar gnomes to come eat your nose at night”. She says nonchalantly while smearing powder sugar on my nose.

“Hey! I’m trying to work here!” I yell in between giggles.

Tonight I took an extra shift to start my Baby Savings. That means baking 12 pies that need to be ready for tomorrow morning and another one to take with me on my first doctor’s appointment after work. I haven’t told Quentin yet. But let’s not think about that right now,

Let’s focus on doctor Perkin’s pie. It needs to be perfect. The right amount of sugar can make a dull day brighter, too much and it messes the whole taste experience. I think blueberry base, whipped cream and marshmallows on top will be nice. Maybe some chocolate drizzle? She’ll love it.

-

I remember coming here with my mom when I was seven. I had a bad case of chickenpox. It looks exactly the same. Light blue walls with ABC’s wallpaper on the nurse’s desk wall. She said on the phone her name was Maria. I’ve been waiting for fifteen minutes because a crying five year old won’t take his shots. It’s okay though, I’m not in a rush but the doctor’s office isn’t my favorite place to be. Reminds me of the countless appointments with my mother.

“Mrs. Beck? The doctor will see you now”. Maria calls me and I go inside to an empty office.

“The doctor will be here in a minute, please change into this robe and hop on the exam table, you can leave your clothes on the stool right there”. Her eyes never leave her phone. “Good luck!” She finally looks at me and smiles before leaving me to change.

-

“Sorry for the wait, Mrs. Y/N Bell, my wife just called. We, um… nevermind. It was a long call, you know how it is”. What's happening? Who’s this man?

“It says here you got some blood work done and are here for the results”. He’s looking at the medical chart in his hands. Who’s this man and where’s doctor Perkins?

“You brought a pie? My goodness, I’ve only been in this town for a couple weeks now but the hospitality of the people keeps blowing my mind. I’m from Chicago, you know? Never in a million years I’d expect a patient to bring me pie! Sorry, I’m talking too much,tell me,  how are you Mrs. Bell?” Finally, he shuts up and turns to face me. The most beautiful blue eyes I’ve ever seen almost make me forget how mad at him I am. God, he’s really, really tall. And that jawline. Just, wow.

“It’s Beck, not Bell”, I say clearly irritated, “but you can call me Y/N. And who are you? I was expecting Doctor Lily Perkins. I brought this pie for her actually”.

“Oh, silly me! Forgot the introductions. I’m Doctor James Barnes, but you can call me Bucky.” He shakes my hand and I get a whiff of his sweet and musky cologne. He stares at me. For an awkward amount of time. God I hate this much eye contact, look away! 

“Doctor Perkins is actually retired now. I came to this town to replace her. Amazing woman isn’t she? She actually taught a class when I was in colle- sorry, I’m talking too much again”.

“Yes you are. I mean, it’s okay. But you don’t understand, Lily Perkins delivered me, she’s been my family’s doctor all my life. I really trust her”. I’m almost yelling at this man, but this can’t be happening. My eyes are watering and my emotions are all over the place. Why are his lips so rosy? Did he eat all the kid’s lollipops before I got here?

“Well, maybe you can really trust me?” He does a little dance with his shoulders and if I wasn’t so mad at him for not being Doctor Perkins, I’d think he was adorable.

“I don’t know. I guess I can try”, he lights up. “But it won’t be easy!”

“Yes! Yes! Thank you, I promise you won’t regret this. Now, tell me, what brings you here?

“Well, I think I might be pregnant”.

“Oh! How nice, nice, nice. Er, congrats!” He nervously averts his eyes to his medical chart once again and his ears are red, what’s wrong with this doctor?

“Thank you, but I don’t want this baby”.

“Oh well, in that case I can refer you to the doctor who can take care of the ab-”

“No, no, no. I mean, I’m having this baby, I’m just not thrilled by the circumstances so if you could just, not congratulate me or make a big deal out of it. That’d be nice, thanks”. I cross my arms and look into his eyes, searching for judgement but it isn’t there.

“Do not make a big deal out of it. Got it!”

“Excuse me, Doctor Barnes? Mrs. Beck’s blood test results are here”. Maria chimes in.

“Well then, uncongrats! You are pregnant” He says awkwardly trying to cheer me up. It’s gonna take some time to get used to this doctor’s antics but at least he is being nice?

“Un-thank you.” I deadpan.

“Okay... Let’s see this baby, please lie down Mrs. Beck”.

-

“Do you have any questions? Diet? What to do or don’t do, exercise, sex?” Did he just, giggle?

“I don’t really do any of those things”.

“Neither do I, sis!” Maria calls from the door. She’s been there all this time?

“Well, in that case, Maria will give you a list of foods you can’t have and I want to see you back here in four weeks, alright?”

“Perfect… Um, Doctor Barnes?”

He looks at me, with those big blue eyes.

“I think you should have this pie or it’ll go to waste”.

“That’s really nice of you, Y/N. I’ve actually quit sugar, but um, I wouldn’t want it to go to waste either, it looks delicious.”

“Well, what’s life without a little sweetness from time to time? I promise you’ll find it worth cheating on your diet”.

I think I just made my doctor blush. 

-

chapter 3: when he sees me

pls reblog if you liked it c:

[jeonstiddies]

Hi can you do something with Joshua ? Thanks

[a/n: sorry for the really late response I was taking a small break but I’m back now and I’m still ready to take more requests. I really hope you like it thank you for requesting.🥺]

Your boyfriend has been ignoring you a lot lately. He hasn’t been calling you as often, texting you and he even stopped the (almost) daily snaps he’d send you. All the sudden it all stopped. You thought it maybe was because he’s been busier preparing for a new comeback but he usually tells you because he likes to be distant when preparing stuff so he doesn’t end up spilling anything.

While you were laying down in your daze thinking about all the possibilities of why he is really distant your phone starts ringing. Thinking it’s Joshua you sit up swiftly answering the phone “hello?” You said. “Hey” your energy seemed to leave when you realized it’s just Jihoon. “What’s up?” Your amusement from earlier gone. “Meet me at the park we usually hang out at.” Thinking nothing of it you agreed and got ready wanting to somehow get your mind off of Joshua.

You got dressed and made your way out the door. It’s a really nice day outside the wind it blowing in your hair it’s just hot and humid. You make it to the park and see Jihoon with his back turned against the sidewalk. You walk up to him and tap his shoulder “hey..” you said kinda distant not knowing why he asked to meet you here. He turns around and you see him with a sunflower in his hand “this is for you.” He said handing you the flower and a note. “Oh uhm whats thi-“ he cuts you off and his eyes motion to the note “read it.” He said nonchalantly. Going on his phone to check the time.

You read the note “hey babe. uh you might be wondering why I’m doing this and you’ll see why. Go to where we had our first date and I’ll give you the next clue. -Joshua” 

You start to smile thinking of all the places the two of you went on dates remembering the first location which was a little cafe not so far away from the park. You quickly thank Jihoon and leave.

Jihoon looks at you with a small smile “she’s on her way” he texts to Joshua after you turn around and leave.

You make it to the little cafe looking around to see if you could see Joshua waiting somewhere. You turn to your left and see Minghao sitting at a table with a coffee next to him as he scrolls through his phone. You walk over about to ask him if he’d seen Joshua but as you approach you see something on the edge of the table. “You know why you’re here I’m guessing” he said without looking up “yeah...uh..is this for me?” Yoy ask reaching for the sunflower and note. He nods and you sit down in the chair across from him and read the second note.

“So I’ve seen you’ve made it to the second note congrats. I’m not surprised you remembered. This time try and remember the location of the place we had our first kiss. When you remember tell minghao  and he’ll drive you. I love you. I can’t wait to see you.” 

You get excited and look at minghao with a smile. “Minghao..can you drive me to Sky Rose Garden?” You look at him with a begging look. He agrees packing up his stuff and leaving. During the car ride you couldnt help but ask him if he knew anything which lead him to denying everything and drowning you out with music.

You arrive at the building going to the top floor to where the rose garden was. you go through the doors to see someone turned around with two vases of sunflowers next to their feet and some small led candles (cause we can’t be starting fires) lining up to where the entrance was to the garden. As you were walking up he turnes around to face you. “Hey babe” he says with a really wide smile on his face. You start to tear up after not hearing that for the past two weeks.

He looks at you in the eye “anyone else would’ve left me or broken up with me for leaving you without any context and stopping all communication with you. you and I both know I have a problem with keeping secrets. This is one secret that I could not ever let you know so I thought it would be best to distance myself from you. I am so thankful that you still stuck beside me and understood that I would still come back to you no matter what.” He takes a shakey breath and continues “ you’re probably wondering why I had you play a small game of scavenger hunt to get here and that’s because I wanted to find the most extra yet beautiful way to ask you this question.” He handed you the Bouquet of sunflowers he had in his hand and gets down on one knee.

“Y/n. Will you do me the honor and marry me?”

You tear up and start crying nodding your head yes. You see people from The corner of your eye and realize that it was the rest of his group clapping for the both of you. You two have been through thick and thin together for the past three years. Some bad memories but more amazing memories the entire time and you couldn’t see yourself living your life with anyone else. He stands up after putting the ring on your finger and pulls you in for a long kiss.

After calming down you look at him “Do you know that you didn’t have to stop talking to me without any excuse but I forgive you because this is the best surprise of my life thank you” you said wiping your tears and hearing the flood of apologies and congratulations from you guys best friends.

You are so ready to spend the rest of your life with him.

His crackheaded group too..

[hecohansen31]

Like I Never Needed Anyone

Oleg The Prophet+Reader (Modern! AU)

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

Ahh this is the fic with which I am entering the “400 followers celebration” (congrats again, sweetie!) made by @youbloodymadgenius.

For once I low key ditched Ivar (I am sorry babe) for Oleg (also GUYS… I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THAT THE ACTOR WAS THE ONE WHO PLAYED DIMITRI IN ‘VAMPIRE ACCADEMY’, another crush of my heart..I… am in love).

As always any feedback is more than welcome, even more if you want to see this pairing again!

Have a nice day!

SUMMARY: Life isn’t easy when you are slowly recovering from a break-up in a new city and with a new job, but an handsome Russian prince might just come in and save the day.

WORDS: 7.8K

WARNINGS: Self Esteem Issues, Break-Up, Toxic Friends. low key OOC OLeg (I am sorry but when I usually write modern AU, I try to soften the characters, so sorry), Unprotected Sex (WRAP IT UP BABE, YOU ARE NOT MILIONAIRES RUSSIAN PRINCES… I think) Rough Sex (Dom-Sub Undertones), Dirty Talk, Degrading Talk. Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Fingering, Cum Play, Boss-Employee Relationship.

Destiny sometimes worked in the most mysterious of ways.

The day you had been give one of the best news of your life, your boyfriend had decided to break up with you.

That day you had come back home after having been given a role as a curator in a private gallery in Russia, your boyfriend had been waiting for you with his suitcase by the door.

‘Babe did you already pack the suitcase?’ you had joked, bringing him back inside as you caught him in the act of leaving, thinking he might have played you a joke, since you had sent him the message with the good news after you had received them.

No threat ruining your perfect day.

You had been working so hard to gain a work that properly matched with your skills.

The previous year you had refused a job offer abroad because of your boyfriend’s own career since he was slowly setting himself up in his new job and you didn’t want to disrupt the building romance that was growing.

You had been working through unpaid researches and part-time jobs, that didn’t help you feel confident and enough, but you had gone through them thinking about the small life you were creating with your boyfriend, more as a way to get out of the ‘single system’ than for actual love for Peter, your boyfriend.

He wasn’t your true soulmate, but you had long given up finding it, not wanting to fall again into the annoying scheme of being the only ‘single girl’ among your friends.

Also, you dreaded the dating atmosphere of having to listen to egotistical men who thought you would be in their beds by the end of the night and the awkwardness of fresh relationships.

Peter wasn’t a bad man, he wasn’t attentive or romantic as Disney Prince, but you honestly didn’t think that anybody would ever be like that in the era of Tinder and PornHub.

You had started explaining him the details as you moved around the house and Peter sat uncomfortably onto the sofa, but you didn’t notice it, mumbling about your new job as a curator in some kind of private royal galleries of a Russian prince.

He apparently wanted to open some place of his enormous mansion to expose some family ‘heirlooms’ on special occasions and wanted somebody who would arrange it perfectly and create a proper exhibition.

“… I just have a month to get myself ready” you had mumbled, finally looking at Peter, as you moved closer to him “… I know that this is going to take a toll on our relationship, but… I just… this is a great chance for me!”.

“Babe, I am happy for you” he had tried to smirk lightly, but it hadn’t come out as nothing more than a worried frown and you had expected some comment about how far Russia was and how the two months would have been tough and… “… I think we need to talk”.

You had almost chocked on your own breath, knowing all too well that such a comment was made only in couple who was breaking up and, as Peter distanced himself from you, you realized you were that couple.

“I know that you are worried about Russia… but I have been trying to…”.

“It isn’t simply Russia” he replied, his face moved in a convinced pout, as if nothing you might have said would change his opinion “… it’s just… I have just felt like I am wasting myself here”.

Hadn’t you been so shocked you would have gladly punched him in the face for being just an asshole.

“… you are not my true love, we aren’t each other’s soulmate” and again, without the shock effect, you would have gladly told him that it was why your relationship worked, it was what both you had searched when you had gotten together “… this is not what I want in my life, I want to find true love”.

And as he went on with his ‘I am a free man’ speech, you had just looked at him confused: nothing had given you the notion that you were in a crisis, although maybe you had had to start from the fact that you had never acted as a couple, not putting enough effort and not expecting it.

Maybe, maybe… Peter was right, you had to find your own true love.

And that illusion had lasted for an entire week of crying and self-esteem issues, till you had found Peter on Instagram with his new girlfriend: a tall blonde who looked like the twin of Taylor Swift, which made it extremely difficult for you to hate ‘the tall giraffe’, as you had tried to call her.

But again, each time you saw her stories she was either baking cookies for less-fortunate-kids or writing feminist magazines, which made you question how the freaking hell she had ended up with Peter.

You had almost been glad when you had had to move to Russia, the entire situation there was completely different from and more relaxed from the one back home.

Your friends after your break-up had been low key distant and the sole ways they had tried to comfort you was either to get you to bars or clubs to get you a rebound or presenting you new guys for you to date.

In Russia you hadn’t much to do except work and home, since the mansion you worked in was pretty away from the small apartment you had gotten for your staying of three months and it would take you at least an hour to arrive there.

Also the cold weather had almost killed you on your first week, which made you uneasy to go out, although Cristina, your collaborator at the mansion, tried to desperately get you out, but at least she didn’t push out desperate dudes onto you.

‘We are in Russia, Cristina’ you always protested, as she grabbed you and tried to teach you how to ‘rumba’.

‘But you have a proper Latina in front of you!’ she always replied, talking about how she would dance all night back in Barcelona, telling you should visit her just to do that, once you finished working there.

Cristina was honestly another thing for which you were thankful for, although her cheery personality would bump with your most reserved one sometimes, you honestly thought that she helped you to try to keep a positive outlook in life.

And then there was Oleg, your boss.

You hadn’t seen him when you had arrived, being introduced in the job by Cristina who had arrived a month before you in order to set up and bring some documents and paintings from Madrid, and the only inhabitants of the huge mansion were the staff, alongside a governess and Oleg’s nephew, Igor, who would sometimes visit you during your work, playing around with his puppets.

You had almost thought this was some kind ‘Tun of the Shrew’ shit, but then one day, arriving late, the first time in the four weeks you had been there, you had caught the boss in the exhibition hall.

You had bumped in with some coffee stolen from the kitchen since Cristina didn’t seem to work fully till she got at least a cup of that ‘heavenly beverage’ in her system.

But she hadn’t been in the studio, instead a tall man was there looking around at the still empty walls, since you had focused yourself the month prior onto catalogizing the entire exhibition.

You had almost been scared of the sudden appearance, but the man was as handsome as not many men around there, definitely looking the part of the ‘last Romanoff’, with his piercing eyes and mainly features on a perfect face.

And then he had spoken.

‘Is that coffee? Because I just came back from a twelve hours flight and the one there was shit’.

You had immediately pushed forward the cup, almost as a peace offering.

“… oh you must be the curator, the American one” he had mumbled, after he had almost burned his tongue on the coffee “… I do think that you can already realize that I am prince Oleg, although I hate with all my heart the title, just Oleg around the manor”.

“… (Y/N)” you had been simply able to mumble, looking at him, the way he moved so at ease and confident that got a light shiver of definitely-not-cold, running through you.

“Beautiful name” and the look that he had sent to your body had meant that he wasn’t talking only about your name, although you were wearing one of your least flattering sweater and a pair of deformed jeans which did nothing for your inexistent figure “… shouldn’t you be already putting up the pictures and paintings?”.

And then you had started to rumble everything you knew to the point that Oleg had smiled, and gently touching one of your shoulder he had mumbled.

‘Slower, dorogaya” he had joked softly, giving you a smile that had rendered you speechless.

You had almost been grateful that Cristina had arrived a few minutes later, processing to steal Oleg’s attention from you, since they were old friends from what she had told you and that is why Oleg had chosen her and trusted her for this exhibition.

But still… you couldn’t help but envy lightly the attention that was poured onto your colleague, although you knew it was stupid to be jealous of her.

Oleg’s visits had become more frequent: he was a bit of a control freak which made you put your best into this job, although you had to admit that you loved it with all your heart, it was something that made you feel well about yourself and your abilities.

It certainly helped with your awful self-esteem, since after the break up it had been under your feet.

And if you ignored Oleg’s search for perfection and his outbursts of rage (which weren’t against you, most of them happened against his brothers) he was actually quite the nice boss, and even more an handsome man whose simple smirk got your heart to jump through climbs.

You had a superficial knowledge of each other, mostly when he would stay a bit with you to keep you company as you checked through catalogues and new ideas, asking you questions about your work and the best part was when he would light up as you told him something that got quite the impression on him.

Almost as if he was trying to understand what you said.

Which was something that Peter had never done with you.

It flattered you.

And his petnames made you feel things.

Kitska, Zaika, Malishka and Kroshka and many more that got you more and more interested into learning Russian, at least to know what they would mean, but they still got you to feel heavy and bothered as he pronounced them, smirking at you and licking his lips.

You still remembered after a particular rough day, when you had chosen the setting of the paintings, he had come behind you, his breath gently tickling your ear, as he grabbed lightly onto your waist, leaving a slight pat on it.

“Good job, Krasotka”.

And right after you had come home that day, barely greeting your Swedish roommate, you had moved in your room, gotten into nothing but your panties and teased yourself softly at the repetition of that soft voice, completely untangling the block you had been having after the break up.

Sex with Peter wasn’t exactly amazing, barely the sparks of the things you could do on your own, but after your break up you hadn’t just felt either sexy or enough aroused to think about sex, but Gosh if you hadn’t been able to slip your finger between your thighs desperately and over and over, that night.

Till the shame of having just gotten off thinking your boss had taken over you and masturbation had been even more difficult, alongside watching Oleg in the eyes.

That night Cristina had left you early, she had a date and left work early, as Oleg had walked in for his daily check, finding finally all the walls set up, since you had only two weeks till the exhibition went public, and your work would be over.

Which you would be dreading, not solely because that job was one of the best you had ever had, but also and most importantly you would be missing  the people: Cristina, small Igor who would try to distract you to get you to play with him and Oleg.

Before going off Cristina had winked your way, making sure that the door of your work-room was closed behind you.

‘I am not there to chaperone you, so don’t let Oleg win you over with that wicked tongue of his…’ she had joked softly, as you blushed and tried to deny her insinuations “… oh c’mon, you always blush when he comes here, and he has a slight… fixation on your body’.

‘Stop joking around, Cristina’ you had tried to laugh it off, but the ‘caliente’ girl had just sent you a meaningful look, smirking softly as she came closer, mirroring the way Oleg preferred to talk with you: one hand onto your waist and his breath on your ear.

He definitely didn’t do it with Cristina.

‘… he might like you more than you think, sweet girl, and I’ll be very pissed if you can walk tomorrow’ you had blushed, almost burning your face as you tried to intimidate her into shutting up ‘… don’t tell me that you didn’t notice the way his eyes stay glued to your ass when you lowered your body to get the painting folders yesterday’.

‘Men like Oleg don’t go out with girls like me’ you had muttered between gritted teeth.

You had barely landed a Peter, an Oleg… Gosh… you couldn’t even fathom why he liked teasing you so much.

‘Oh sweetie…’ had replied Cristina as she got away from you ‘… you have no idea what men like Oleg want till they ask you’.

And you couldn’t help but work the rest of the time with a worsening blush, even being startled as Oleg walked in with coffee in his hands, simply wearing house clothes, which for him meant a black turtleneck that probably was worth half your apartment, and loose sweatpants that weren’t loose in the right place.

You had taken a small peak when he was distracted.

And Gosh… since then you had been scared and horny at the same time.

The ‘don’t masturbate on your boss’ rule certainly didn’t do anything for your thoughts.

“Hey, it’s just me, Oleg!” he laughed, pushing the coffee mug next to you “… no murder ghost, we don’t have any of those here… I think”.

“That’s reassuring” you shot back, grabbing the mug and drinking a big gulp of it, to calm your nerves “… no wife hidden in the attic, Mr. Rochester?”.

“Just a crazy wife, but sadly I don’t own an attic” he blurted out and you couldn’t help but be a bit taken aback by the knowledge that he was married.

You had gotten off not only to your boss but also to a married man.

You were so going to hell.

“… but let’s just say that she isn’t my wife anymore, even worse than ‘Jane Eyre’ “ he mumbled lightly, making you let out a breath of relief “… we split up six months ago, but we had stopped being lovers a long time before that, it was… complex”.

“I am sorry to hear that” you muttered softly as you calmed yourself, seeing as much as that little confession had impacted onto Oleg who looked like he was breaking himself apart, keeping his gaze onto his hands to avoid yours.

“But I hadn’t come here to talk about this sad stuff…” he mumbled, something softer settling in his eyes as his gaze came onto you “… I wanted to actually invite to dine here, since we have both been left alone, Cristina is out on a date and my brother Dir brought Igor to the cinema, and the staff took an holiday, so…”.

You couldn’t help but be a bit confused and shocked by the invite, unsure whether it would have been unprofessional to accept it or rude to reject it.

“It would be amazing, but I have to go home before it is dark, even more because there isn’t Cristina with me… so…” you tried to be polite, finding a rightful excuse but before you could finish your ramblings, Oleg stopped you, again touching your shoulder as he moved forward.

“That’s why I wanted to ask you to stay, actually, kitska” he replied softly “You could sleep here at the manor for one night, if you don’t have anything better to do, obviously. So, you wouldn’t have to go back all alone…”.

The entire proposal was also rightful, if you thought that you were uneasy to walk alone at night, but you still couldn’t shake off the feeling that you were trespassing some boundaries.

“Ahem…” you stalled and Oleg went a step further, destroying any boundary you might have set for yourself, taking your hands in his.

They seemed so small in his hold, rough and definitely hands that worked their way to the success, contrasting strongly with his ‘prince’ image.

You almost wanted to know what they would feel elsewhere.

“… c’mon, zaika! Don’t leave me with the ghosts!” he mumbled, faking a pleading tone which got you to blush under the intensity of his gaze, a dominant one that made you blush roughly.

“You said there weren’t ghosts!” you tried to shift the attention, knowing that the decision didn’t belong to you anymore.

“… that I know of…” he replied with a devious smirk “… pretty please”.

“Just because you asked so nicely…” you muttered back and Oleg almost jumped onto you in an hug that made you blush and tremble and you were quick to push him away lightly “… I just need to do a small shower before, everything, if you don’t mind”.

“Oh no please, don’t, the stench might scare off the ghosts” and you lightly kicked him in the shins.

He couldn’t talk to you like that, whether he was your boss or not.

“That wasn’t nice” you replied, as he giggled lightly, grabbing one of your hand and again annulling the distance, he brought you closer, kissing the back of it with a warmth that made you red all over your face.

“… forgive me please, my lady” he mumbled, and you were again quick to push away your hand from his hold, aware that this was slowly taking a turn you didn’t know if you were ready for “… I am going to get the room ready, now, till a few of the staff are still here”.

“Thank you”.

And now you were just having an existential crisis, about what it meant for your hot boss to ask you out to dinner…

---

You had never been this grateful for the dress you had packed for work.

Once Cristina had dumped an entire pot of red paint on your clothes which had been rather uncomfortable to stay in, mostly for the stares of the people on the bus on the way back home.

Hence you had started to pack a change of clothes to work, something you wouldn’t feel the need to wear any day and something that was easy to smuggle in your bag, such as a small dress and stocking.

Nothing glamorous or such, only a simple maroon dress with an high neck and an asymmetric cut to the hem of the skirt and although it was no ‘little black dress’ or some expensive gala elegance, it fell just right onto your body, highlighting your figure in a flattering but shy way.

Sadly, you hadn’t brought also your make-up bag, since you didn’t wear it at work, but you had been able to style your hair properly in order for them to be up in an elegant but effortless updo.

Looking yourself in the vintage mirror, you didn’t feel bad about the entire ensemble, it even made you smile, when you hadn’t been able to properly look at your body in months.

You exited the room and moved towards the stairs since the mansion had the rooms on the first floor and the dining room at the ground floor.

And as you were appearing on top of the stairs, Oleg appeared at their bottom, and he looked at you stuck in his position as you moved down praying not to stumble, suddenly at unease without your working coat to shield you from painting and dust and… more importantly, men’s gazes.

Such as Oleg’s.

As you were on the last step, he quickly moved onto you to help you, offering you his hands.

“… I was going to check on you” he said breathless, before he calmed himself reappearing relaxed “… to see if the ghosts had stolen you away”.

“Ah no just enjoying your warm shower, this weather is simply not for me” you replied softly, trying not to give too much thought at the fact that Oleg kept your hand in his, lowering it by his side.

“… there are ways to warm up” he joked, before he gently pushed you behind him in the dining room, the smaller one that the staff used, which was warmer and more intimate, definitely making you blush as Oleg left your hand when you sat down, him in front of you, the innuendo in his world badly hidden “… like warm food! I got the staff to prepare you some special meals, just before they left, hope you’ll like them”.

“They were very gracious” you mumbled softly, your smile faltering a bit due to the fact that although Oleg had all that flirty attitude towards you, it would just end up in a more friendly conversation.

You couldn’t help but call the entire thing ‘mixed signals’.

“Not as much as you” he replied, sending you a small look from the side of his eye “… you honestly look gorgeous in that dress, should wear them more often”.

The suggestion made you dizzy, and you hadn’t even come close to the wine, which was a bad sign.

“… I don’t have a lot… of occasions to wear them” you mumbled “… I prefer my warm and comfy sweaters, wouldn’t want catch a cold so close to the end of the exhibition”.

“Oh no talk of the exhibition, tonight!” he made you promise, lightly raising his hand from the table to settle it onto your thigh, the upper part of it in a move too bold for him “… let’s talk about anything else, please, just do like if I was Cristina”.

And you had erupted with laughter, trying to imagine the burly man as your Latina friend.

A small chihuahua with teeth and a pendant for raggaeton.

“… ok just like a friend, not simply Cristina” he admitted softly, as you smirked lightly “… got anyone waiting for you at home?”.

You couldn’t help but notice a tone of investigation in his question but played coy and gave him the truth.

Nothing would have changed if you had lied.

“… no one, except my mom” you mumbled softly, twirling the wine inside of your glass “…and my friends, but I am secretly happy to get away from them”.

“No boyfriend?” now Oleg’s tone was definitely more interested than proper, as he avoided looking at you and ate his meal, pouring himself another glass of wine and filling yours, although you had barely finished your first “… a girl like you might have not only a boyfriend but a lover at home”.

Although it was a joke, there was some kind of bitterness to it.

“I had one” you muttered softly, again taking a quick drink from your glass, although you wanted to dunk the entire bottle “… we split up before I had to go to Russia, apparently ‘I wasn’t his true love’ “.

You expected pity, maybe agreement with him, since a good half of your friends had stood by his side.

Not the way Oleg looked almost hurt, as if he had put himself in your shoes.

Or maybe he had been in them.

“… according to my ex-wife, I started neglecting her, and we had married too young to know what we truly wanted… all the passion burned out… yadda yadda yadda…” his immediate reaction was to let out a bit of that rage in his own work, against his competition, almost as if he used it not to break down “… all shitty excuses for cowards who can’t face their own flaws”.

“Oh no, believe me… in this case, he had a few rights” you had mumbled, immediately feeling all your insecurities coming crashing down “… there is obviously something wrong with me”.

Because you weren’t a tall giraffe who baked for poorer kids and wrote feminist articles.

You couldn’t be it ever in your life.

You were simply a clumsy art curator, with a kink for having everything under control and comfy sweaters.

You weren’t the type of girl who was interesting or gentle or beautiful…

“Nothing is wrong with you, malishka” now Oleg’s hand squeezed lightly your thigh under your table “… you are smart, sweet and fucking beautiful, and if that Сволочь didn’t see it, then it’s his fucking problem. He is the one who has… everything wrong”.

Meanwhile all this happened Oleg’s face had shifted to meet yours and his eyes were so strongly set onto you that they made you shiver, almost in fear.

Not of him, but of the intensity, with the worry of not deserving his words.

“… I don’t… “ you didn’t know what to say, but as Oleg moved closer taking his hand in his free one, you felt like nothing had to be said “… it’ll take me a bit of time to feel like what you said is true… but thank you… really”.

“I just hope you’d believe me, right on the spot” his voice had a nostalgic tone that froze you on the spot, as he pinned you again with his pretty eyes “… you deserve to be showered with compliments, every day, (Y/N)”.

“Maybe I should stay more, since you are so lenient on giving them” you teased him, moving away the attention from yourself, suddenly the air was too heavy, threaded with muttered whispers and bad memories.

“… if that is all you want to, stay here all you want” he had softly leaned back and the turtleneck had tightened over his muscles as they shifted under the black fabric, and you couldn’t help but feel your body warm up at the sole thought, as you mimicked his position “…I think that I’ll gladly gave you any compliment you want, kisa”.

Gosh, that breathy tone, almost a note higher than a moan…

It made you feel things.

“… flatterer” you shot back, lightly kicking his shin with your feet and Oleg smirked, downing another glass that shadowed his smile.

“Just for the pretty ladies”.

The entire night passed with you finishing half a bottle of expensive red wine, in an exchange that seemed a move stuck between ‘will they or won’t they’, in something that dragged things to be hot but still hazed and confused.

The wine had certainly made you lose all your inhibitions, and you were currently onto Oleg soft sofa, a vintage piece which was too big for two lovers, and too small for two friends, to the point where you were sat on your knees, the dress stretching a bit, in a way that made you uncaring, and Oleg was next to you, not directly touching you, but his arm was stretched over the back of the sofa, in ‘an almost hug’.

“… oh c’mon don’t tell me that you seriously fell onto your ass the first time you tried skating” you laughed out loud, as Oleg faced away with a smirk on his face “… you are a shame for your nation for sure!”.

Oleg shifted quickly position, a bit too quickly for your hazed sense, lightly pushing an hand over your mouth, in a way that made you open your eyes immediately at that gesture, as his hands moved quickly from simply hovering over your mouth to gently trace your lips, something that made you follow them as they retreated from your body, pushing it forward and arching it towards him.

“… don’t scream my secrets out to everyone” he retorted, lightly falling back on his seat as you, lightly closer to him.

“Or?” you shot back, a wicked smile of teasing on your face, his touch having uncovered something wicked in you.

“… or I’ll have to shut you up, kisa”.

“You always call me those strange names and I don’t understand what you mean half of the time” your tongue was now definitely loose.

“I just called you… ‘kitten’… I think it is the proper meaning in your own tongue”.

And as your chatting spirit had appeared it immediately disappeared at the knowledge of that.

You had known that they were term of endearment, but ‘kitten’ sounded so sexual.

As Oleg’s behavior.

You choked on your own saliva and a situation of stall appeared between you two, as you felt an awkward silence falling onto you.

You were frozen under the possible fear of what a move from you might entail, although Oleg’s teasing had left you hot and bothered, enough to make you feel like you could just move forward and kiss him to end all that waiting.

But what if it went wrong?

What if he simply didn’t want you like this, although he had said all those sweet things?

And the touching that had inflamed what was between your thighs, maybe was just normal for him.

Different cultures, different reactions.

And then he did something that was common to both your culture: he kissed you.

He leaned in, almost impatient, pressing harshly his lips onto yours, with a force that left you aching desperately.

Almost as desperate was his grip onto your hands, as he pinned them onto your lap.

Peter had always touched you so distractedly as if you could have been anybody under his hands, but Oleg had a flame in the way he deepened the kiss, making you open your mouth, that would have been almost too violent, hadn’t you been aching for him so desperately.

As you both lost your breath, you lightly distanced yourself from him to take again your breath, turning your head not to show Oleg the deep shade of red on your cheeks, due to embarrassment and your lost breath, as you tried to collect yourself.

Any dizziness from the wine gone and replaced by your desperate need for Oleg.

“Did I scare you, kroshka” his gaze was burning into you, daring you to turn back and face him.

“… I just need to take…” you tried to calm yourself with a small smile “… a breath”.

“I didn’t mean to come onto you this strong” his voice was seriously worried and as you turned lightly, looking at his hands, he seemed to be stopping himself from touching you again “… you must think I am a Мудак…”.

“I am not… I can do my own decisions” you retorted, not wanting to be made feel like a breakable good, because you weren’t in any shape or form, and even if you couldn’t stop the contrasting feelings in the pit of your stomach, you didn’t want to go back to that insecurity.

Oleg’s kiss had ignited something in you, that brought you to feel desperate and bothered.

You didn’t feel like going back to the vulnerable state you had always been, when Oleg treated you like his most beloved possession, with desperation in his eyes

“Don’t try to fix me, I’m not broken” you spoke your words slowly, to make them more meaningful as you inched closer, till you were right onto his laps, your hands cornering his face, as they set on his shoulder to steady yourself, your lips coming closer “… don’t worry, I am a big girl and I know what I am getting into”.

And you were the one who initiated the kiss, it was more teasing and softer as you smashed your lips together, biting lightly at first his upper lip, before delving into the bottom one, as he tried to get some control of the kiss, slipping his tongue in your open mouth, but you immediately closed it, distancing yourself quickly, with a smirk on her face.

And then you did it all the same, stopping every time Oleg tried to control it, in a way that was making him grow restless between you, as the atmosphere moved to a more tender and relaxed one, your teasing giggles making Oleg smirk into your mouth, although his hands wandered, gently caressing your back, and then moving slower and slower…

“… what do you say we move this to my bedroom?” he suggested, wiggling his eyebrow at you as he pushed you closer to him, with his hand onto your back.

And although the kisses had broken a few of your insecurities, now you couldn’t help but doubt the professionality of it; what would have happened if he wanted simply a night of sex?

What if he was disappointed and you had to see him around?

You tensed against him at all those thoughts, even more at the realization that suddenly you wanted more than sex, although you weren’t sure of Oleg’s opinion.

Which was definitely not a good idea.

“What is troubling you, kisa?” he asked again softly, his eyes searching yours as he adjusted your hair behind your ears, pushing a soft kiss on the exposed skin, making you tremble lightly, melting under his attentive touch.

“… you are my boss…” you mumbled voicing your inner conflict, avoiding his eyes as you let yourself lean in further in his kisses “… wouldn’t this… ahem… be unprofessional”.

“If this is up to me…” he had a devilish smirk that made you tighten the grip onto your thighs, splayed on him “… I don’t think this is unprofessional, but I may be a bit egoistical, since I have been pretty in love with that body and mind of yours, since I first saw you”.

Had he seriously said ‘love’?

“What if… things are awkward?” because you couldn’t envision a bright side of this without a dark one.

“Then you are here only for two more weeks, and then I’ll disappear from your life” his voice had a nostalgic tone that made you caress his handsome face, starting from that strong jaw that tried to form a small smile “… but believe me, I don’t disappoint ladies, I never have”:

You giggled, a bit comforted by his words, and too far gone behind his charms to do anything more than nod softly and let him softly raise you from the sofa as you nodded against him.

“… then maybe you should show me those skills ‘that never disappoint ladies’ “.

“Your word my command, printsessa”.

And that’s how you ended onto Oleg’s antique bed, still comfortable enough as Oleg pushed you onto, your back arched against him, rutting like an animal against his growing erection, the size of it already impressive, brushing against you through his sweatpants.

He was still dressed, but you had already discarded your dress, which he had thrown out carelessly once you were back on your feet on the threshold of his bedroom, barely giving you the time to look around as he gripped onto your thighs, raising you as you giggled.

Then your stockings had been quickly discarded, being ripped off your body.

You had almost squealed in shocks as you fell onto the bed, completely losing yourself in Oleg’s savage gaze, as you pushed him playfully.

“Ripping my clothes won’t get you any points, prince!” you shot back, and his hand simply lowered itself cupping your sex, making you smirk lightly, as he looked at you smugly.

“… then why are you wet?” and he brushed his fingers a few times more onto your clothed core “… should I assume that this is the outcome you had hoped for tonight? Your matching bra and panties say so to me, at least”.

“No, you just got lucky” you retorted softly, wanting to knock down his ego a few notches

Although it seemed impossible.

Your bra had been discarded with much more gentleness, the man unhooking it expertly with just one hand, meanwhile the other already gripped one breast softly, as he mouthed sweet loves bites and kisses onto your neck.

He groped you with his big hands, rolling his nipples against his palms in a rough motion that made you screech softly as his mouth caught yours again, pulling your hair back to get the full control of the kiss.

You weren’t able to deny him or tease him as you had done on the sofa.

“… I think that I got lucky from the minute I saw you in that awful hall, Gosh the sight of these tits accompanied my dreams for quite a few nights”.

You were almost relieved to know you hadn’t been the only one to dream about this.

Although you weren’t going to tell the man, his ego almost as big as…

His erection brushed through your barely clad core and you ate up a moan, biting down onto Oleg’s lower lip in an attempt to calm your feverish body, which instead continued to follow him desperately, as he realized the soaking situation down there.

Your panties doing not much to hide it.

And even less as he slipped them, ripping them off.

“You owe me a new pair”.

“I prefer the thought of you without them, so that I can pull you in the first hallway and make you mine” he muttered and then his attention shifted, something being ignited in his belly by your own desperation.

“… and what about the others?” you teased him as he moved to gently kiss his way down your body, stopping at your breasts to lavish them, almost torturing them since they were oversensitive from his hand, but you didn’t mind, and shifted one leg lightly to the side, a bit pushing it to your side, to let him feast his eyes onto the masterpiece between your legs “… what if they see me without panties?”.

His grip onto your hands, immediately froze you and made you smirk as you understood you had hit a sore spot, and slowly Oleg came face to face with you.

“Then we would have a problem” he smirked, but his eyes held a dangerous tone to his words, as he softly tapped at your thigh to make you focus and he lightly dragged the back of his hand against the soft expanse of your inner thigh “… because I don’t like others tampering with what is mine”.

“Am I yours?” you replied, playing a dangerous game with the man but true interest flashed in his eyes.

“… yes you are, dorogaya” he smirked softly, before he dove against your thigh pressing a kiss on the soft expanse, and right when you were relaxing he bit onto the skin, making you almost yelp at the surprise “… and believe me you’ll know by the end of the night”.

“Aren’t you pretentious, prince?” you shot back, teasingly “… always in need of something to stroke your big ego?”.

“Would you prefer to do the stroking?” he replied, almost purring, but didn’t give you any breath to reply as he dove from your thigh onto your wet heat, darting a soft kiss that stole your breath, as you kept it in your lungs, waiting for his next move.

And his hand joined his tongue on your sex in a delicious teasing that showed you shouldn’t have played around with this man: he was truly dangerous, as he withhold you with the gentlest of touches and a desperation that made you almost arch violently against him.

“… not so powerful, kisa, when your nails are not sharpened” he joked with you, as he gently licked onto your pearl, his fingers dipping teasingly past your folds, making you adapt yourself around them, as you wetted them with your essence.

There was something so primal in your coupling with him that didn’t allow you to feel anything else than the moment.

No shame for screwing your boss, or insecurity for what Peter hadn’t seen in you.

You almost felt beautiful, worshipped under his attentive care.

And when he had enough of that he made you feel like a true woman.

He pushed you onto your hands and knees, something which surprised you quite a bit, since he had been teasing but mostly attentive and gentle, and in your previous sexual experiences you had never done it in any other way than missionary.

But you were under his spell.

And let him push his cock into you, as it penetrated you to a new angle.

Your folds engulfed him easily till half of his length, the lack of something bigger than your fingers making itself known to you as Oleg gently pressed his fingers down your clit to make you relax around him.

In a way he was gentle, completely contrasting with the vulgar position he was having you in.

But Gosh, as the pain and your tightness passed, you couldn’t help but love the way he pounded onto you, almost threatening to make you fall onto your back, as his touched yours and his hipbones, slapped your base ass, definitely red marks would be blooming on it, the following day.

You tried your best to hold yourself off on your own hands, but not only supporting your weight was tough with all the pleasure coursing through your body, but Oleg’s relentless rhythm made you dizzy, and you almost fell face first in the pillow.

The pillow almost suffocated you, till Oleg just caught you by your hair and pushed you to sit right onto his cock, his beard brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck, as another hand sneaked on your waist to keep you steady as his thrusts became slower but not less brutal.

But the angle he found hit your ‘special’ spot perfectly.

“Look at you, zaika” he mumbled darkly in your ear, as his grip tightened onto your waist, his fingers dug in the flesh “… not even able to keep your pretty body straight… I wonder what you are good for”.

“… you are fucking me, aren’t you” you were simply able to utter, as a particular thrust made you moan out loud.

“Just a little nice fucktoy, aren’t you zaika?” he repeated, his smirk kissing your ear, as he speeded up his rhythm “… something to fill with my seed and my cock all night, if I want to”.

The sole thought of it made you ooze pure wetness onto his cock, as you tightened your grip around it.

“Not even able to answer me now, shluha”.

The reply seemed definitely less nice than all the petnames but it didn’t fail to arouse you any less.

“… I wonder how much it will take you to come…” he smirked softly, against you, cooing teasingly in your ear “… definitely not much with the way you are squee… Gosh… squeezing me”.

And it didn’t take you long indeed, the angle, the feeling of Oleg’s hands on you and the desperation in your entire body, making it impossible for you to stop the magical release that washed over you as you sank down onto him, completely, stilling as you rode the wave of the crashing emotion going through your body.

You were shaking so terribly that you weren’t sure whether an earthquake was going through your body or if it was your body creating it.

Oleg guided you through it softly, slower thrusts as he pushed himself in and out of you, almost completely, making you feel each inch of his manhood, in a way that overstimulated you, as you tried to grip him to keep him in you, in a desperate attempt to have more of him.

But he exited you and pushed you to roll onto your back, completely splayed against him, meanwhile he looked as composed as ever, his cock simply out of his boxers and pants, in a way that made you feel vulnerable and exposed.

It made you wet again for him.

Once he was out of you, he chased his own high with his hand, eventually coming onto your stomach as it slowly dropped onto your small Venus mount with a slow movement that made you clench your stomach under the different temperatures of his warm seed and your cold stomach, sweaty and suddenly exposed to the coldness of the room.

Oleg fell next to you ungracefully, but he sneaked a quick hand onto your stomach, playing with his cum, before he propped himself onto one elbow to look at you, a sweaty mess you were sure, but you weren’t able to deny him as he pushed his messy fingers past your mouth, looking at you as you tasted him.

Salty and warm it coated your mouth in a way that rendered your lips sticky and filled you as his cock had done with your cunt.

You wanted to taste him.

But you also needed a breather, as Oleg sank back down the bed, and you just tried to look out towards the opposite side, knowing that if you had taken a look at him right now, everything would have come crashing down.

You almost expected him to kick you out.

Maybe ask for another round, as he gently shifted away from the bed leaving you cold and unattended.

Gosh you should have definitely gone away.

And you were collecting your dress and your bra when he came back a soft towel in his hand and he had changed his sweatpants.

Probably because his previous ones were stained with your wetness.

You were unable to stare at him as he appeared in your vision.

“… already leaving, zaika?” he seemed almost… disappointed.

“I don’t think that I can immediately go another around” you replied, trying to avoid his gaze as he quickly settled onto the bed, the warm towel being moved onto your stomach to collect his sticky seed, for which you were grateful.

“… then we can cuddle, malishka” he replied as if it was obvious and he helped you settle down the covers, almost as a small child, a bit uneasy on your still-trembling legs, to which he shot a smug smirk.

“… don’t flatter yourself, I just haven’t had dick in a pretty long time” you told him, as you slapped his chest, just for him to grab tightly your hand and bring it to his lips.

“Then I do think that you might need more convincing”.

---

Please don’t judge my bad attempt with the Russian language!

Here are, by the way the meaning of each word:

Malishka=Babygirl.

Krasotka=Gorgeous.

Printsessa=Princess.

Dorogaya=Dear.

Zaika=Bunny.

Kroshka=Little One.

Kiska/KIsa=Kitten.

Сволочь=Asshole.

Мудак=Prick.

Shluha=BItch/Whore.

 @ rainycloudstarlight @alyssa23145678910​ @ squids-for-knees @youbloodymadgenius​ @queenboosha​ @barnzbucky​ @ itsleeshanotlouise @ confusedgirlyy @the--insignificant--one​ @roury12​ @justsomestuffiguessman​

[chilly-me-softly]

Then finally moving Ito a new house with Ben and your daughter 🥰🥰

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4

It was yours. As soon as you saw it, you swear you heard the bells ringing. It was difficult to find a house that reflected your needs - some of which you just couldn’t compromise on - and above all a place where you could settle down without the worry of having to do it all over again in a couple of years.

It had everything. A big room for you, one not too far away for Emma, a few guest rooms or to turn into a playroom for the little girl, bathrooms both downstairs and upstairs, a spacious kitchen overlooking the garden. A garden, you’d never had one that didn’t overlook the street.

The neighborhood was a nice place, not far from Emma’s school or Ben’s training camp. You were supposed to drive for over an hour when you had meetings with the agency you work for but for once a month you were willing to sacrifice yourself if that could be the house where you would build your memories as a family.

When you took Emma on a tour of the house, she was amazed at how big it was and mostly empty. You had let her run free around the house, letting her enjoy that moment while already seeing you in there with all your families celebrating birthdays or on the couch in Ben’s arms or chasing Emma around the garden maybe even with a dog or two now that there was enough space.

You wrapped your arms around Ben’s torso from behind and left a kiss on his shirt shoulder, “Do you like it?”

“I can already see myself in here” you sighed, so you started the moving project.

You had chosen the furniture, Emma’s room, the color of the rooms, and after almost three months your house was taking shape. You and Ben had followed all the work, many decisions to make and many things to do.

It hadn’t been easy with Emma, packing up your things, getting two houses into one, but six months later you are finally in your new home. The kitchen is tidy, the clothes in the closets, the beds made, everything smells new and you can already spend your first night in there.

“Okay Twinkle, close your eyes now” you have the key in your hand while Ben is holding the little girl, who is excited and clapping her hands. She couldn’t wait any longer, it was complicated to explain to her that they couldn’t live in their new house because of the work and that it would still take some time, but you kept her busy putting her things away carefully and choosing the theme for her new bedroom.

Ben said she could have it the way she wanted and you didn’t particularly like it at first, you didn’t want to take advantage of the boy’s money. You had always done it on your own and you didn’t want to think you could do whatever you wanted just because now he was there with his bank account. But as Ben often reminded you, you’re family now and what’s his is yours. He saw no harm in spoiling his little princess and his beautiful mother a little bit, anything to see you happy. But still the sale of the old house would have allowed you to put something aside for your personal needs, until you really understood that Ben didn’t care about money as long as you were happy together.

“Did you close them?”

“I can’t see anything” giggles the baby while Ben covers her eyes with one hand not trusting her, wanting it to be a surprise without peeking.

“Okay, here we go. One, two and… three” Ben takes his hand away while you open the door and the baby doesn’t know where to look first. Ben puts her down so she can search the surroundings.

“Wow!” you laugh when you see her running into the living room and then rushing in front of you to go to the kitchen and circle around the island before jumping around excited, “Can we sleep here tonight?”

You nod quickly, “All our stuff’s already here”

“Do you want to go see your room?”

“Yes! Can I?” and you laugh as you look at each other before you head for the stairs, the last few days she’s been spending a lot more time with her father giving you some time to sort out the last few things and enjoy some rest before you go on with your lives.

As soon as you get to the floor, Emma starts running towards the door that has her name on it. She opens the door stopping at the threshold, her chest rises for the run and you can see her chin shaking slightly. “Oh honey, what’s wrong?” you lower yourself to her height by gently stroking her back.

“Is it all for me?”

“Sure it is, for our special princess” she holds her arms around your neck, that was Ben’s special project even though he had all the ideas from the little girl. But he had spent you don’t know how many nights finding the right shade of pink or the most beautiful pillow or the closet that would fit her when she grew up.

“Do you like it?” and she nods with her head in your neck, “how about coming in then?” with uncertain steps she starts to get familiar with the new room, opening some drawers and finding most of her stuff already there or looking on the shelves to see if all her books are there.

“Hey Twinkle, do you think the bed’s comfortable enough?” Ben looks at her smiling before picking her up and throwing her between the pillows, making her scream and laugh out loud.

You make a choked moan looking at yourself in the mirror on the inside of the wardrobe, lifting the shirt you’re wearing and turning to the side catching Ben’s attention as he leans over to tie his shoes.

“Only I could be able to gain weight during a move” from the reflection you can see Ben smile and come closer, wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Maybe it’s from stress, but you’re still beautiful” the doorbell rings and soon after you hear Emma’s little steps hurrying towards the stairs. “Our guests are waiting for us” he leaves a kiss on your cheek before rushing out of the room and reminding the little one not to run up the stairs and wait for it to open.

You sigh as you look at that little bump before lowering your shirt and trapping it in your pants, shaking your head and turning off the light in the room before going down.

A little party to get together and let the boys see the new house, that’s what you had planned for that day. Despite the initial joy and excitement of living in a new house, it hadn’t been easy for Emma to settle into her new surroundings and many times you’d entertained yourself in her room looking for monsters or had been woken up in the middle of the night by her crying and ended up sleeping with her. As you always said, her well-being came first and after almost two weeks the routine was finally starting to come back into your lives and it seemed the right time to let your friends and relatives snoop around.

When you come down the stairs, Emma is in James’ arms and she is telling him something about kindergarten and he looks at her with his eyes wide open and a very incredulous fake expression on his face. He had also been very helpful during those months, Diego a good distraction for your little girl who had led them to be very close lately to the point that she now calls him Uncle James or Uncle Madders.

You say hello to Kasper and then James before asking Emma if she wants to start carrying them around so you can try to contain her, but the baby has gone into chatty mode and you don’t know how to turn it off. In your defence it hasn’t happened many times, she has always been very shy around others and even Foster is noticing the difference lately. I was wrong, that guy is good for both of us, he told you one day when you picked her up from his house and you’re just happy that everyone gets along. Glad that Emma now has two male figures to rely on and a lot of uncles who are always willing to help out.

Other guys arrive in the meantime and you make them come in, there’s food and drink on the kitchen counter and everyone starts chatting making themselves at home. You try to behave like a good landlady by chatting a little bit here and there and making sure everything goes well, trying to get that thought out of your head but you have to check one thing to do it.

You go upstairs and go straight to your room looking for your notebook in the drawer, “Hey you, congrats on the house it’ s great”

James is on the threshold when you look quickly to see who it was, “Thank you” you smile slightly before turning your back on him.

“Is something wrong?”

“Oh you know I might be pregnant, but… no it’s okay”

“Wow. Wait… where the fuck did you find the time?” is the first thing he says and it makes you laugh, you leave the drawer for a second and go sit on your bed.

“I guess he doesn’t know it yet” James comes and sits next to you, one hand on your leg.

“I’m not even sure James”

“By the way, where did you leave my little brat?”

“She’s over there with Harvs, she’s listing the names of all her puppets”

“Uh-oh” you giggle before you get up, “I gotta go save him then I guess”

“(Y/N)” he holds you by the arm and suddenly you’re in his arms, “You can do it”

‘Is it in the oven?’ two days later and James pushed you to take the test, you’ve already been through it with Emma you don’t know why you’re so panicky now. But when those lines confirm that you’re expecting Ben’s baby, everything disappears. All the nervousness and worry that you can feel because there’s another baby on the way is put aside because it’s Ben’s baby we’re talking about. The one you really want to be with for the rest of your life and with whom you’re building something concrete. 

You hadn’t talked about expanding the family yet, sure, but you can’t help but be happy about it. Emma’s as much his as yours, but the truth is, she has a father, and he’ also quite present. He’s an important figure to her, she loves him, but he’ll always be 'Ben’. Her biological father is another person, and now he too will soon feel that warmth in his body that grows every time a little being you’ve been waiting for so anxiously calls you Daddy for the first time. The first steps, the first smiles and you will share it together and it is the most beautiful thing that could ever happen to you.

'Positive, Daddy’s about to find out’

“Ben, can you come in here for a second, please?” he raises his head smiling at you before kissing Emma’s head and telling her to keep coloring.

“What’s up?” he puts his hand on your waist leaving a kiss on your lips and leaning against the kitchen counter.

“I have something to tell you” he nods, making you know he’s listening. "Remember when I complained about gaining weight?“

"Babe you’re not putting on weight, you’re just fine”

“Ben, I’m pregnant” he was about to say something else and his mouth is wide open looking at you.

“Ben?” you ask worried when he doesn’t react, suddenly tears are piling up in your eyes. And that’s when he seems to react, he pulls you away a few inches and then lays his hand on your belly.

“That-that little bulge was… is our son?” an incredulous, shocked expression on and all you can do is nod.

“Oh (Y/N), it’s-it’s unbelievable” and then he takes you back into his arms, holding you tight and taking a few shaky breaths into your neck.

“Wait but… how far along are you? We moved in and oh my god, you brought all those boxes! What if…”

“According to my calculations I should be at least 16 weeks, I need to make an appointment with the doctor to make sure”

“My god (Y/N), believe me I’m-I’m over the moon, I don’t even know what to say except thank you” you giggle, caressing his cheek before you kiss him.

“Don’t thank me yet, Daddy”

“I’m going to be a dad” he whispers on your lips, some tears he can’t hold back slip on his cheeks and you kiss them softly away.

You wait just a week to tell Emma, the visit to the doctor confirms that you are already in an advanced state of the pregnancy and can already confirm you are about to have a beautiful baby boy. Ben already wants to start buying everything, decorating the room. He can’t wait for him to be there and he’s already hiding the Leicester kit in a drawer…

Dropping the bomb on the baby doesn’t have the desired effect, though. She is very quiet at first, constantly looking at the hand on your belly and not saying a word. She nods when you ask her if she understands she’s going to be an older sister and you and Ben look slightly worried about that reaction. You didn’t expect her to scream but you didn’t expect her to shut herself up like she used to.

Ben pats you on the knee, moving from the living room to the kitchen, realizing that you want a moment alone with her to talk to her. And he looks at you as you put her on your leg and try to get her to look you in the eye, always ready to intervene if things should go wrong.

He watches as you whisper something to her and as she looks into her eyes, he can’t understand what she’s saying to you but he can see you’re quite surprised by it and try to reassure her. Your hand caresses her back in a reassuring way while you talk to her as softly as possible. And he wonders if he can do it too, so clearly there are some conversations that females are more comfortable to have with females and males with males. So he wonders if when his time comes, he can put a smile back on his baby’s face just like you’re doing with Emma.

He’s scared. It’s his first baby after all. Emma was already walking and talking when he met her and he doesn’t know what came before, he doesn’t know what’s waiting for him. He’s excited but scared. The idea that he’s going to hold a little creature in his arms and reflect himself in him, he has no words to describe it.

He lowers his eyes when he feels his pants being pulled down, Emma is trying to catch his attention and be taken in his arms. He immediately places a kiss on her cheek, “Tell me everything, love”

“You’ll still love me when he’s born, won’t you?”

“Of course love, no one can ever take the place of my beautiful princess”

“Not even when I’m at my daddy’s?”

“Especially when you’re at your daddy’s. I miss you so much when you’re not here” he wiggles his fingers on her tummy, making her giggle.

“Okay, I love you”

“I love you too Twinkle”

Alex Chilwell is the most beautiful baby he’s ever seen. The little feet, the little hands, the cheeks, his mouth, everything is perfect. He’s so small that he’s scared every time he picks him up, but he can feel how the baby relaxes in his arms and then everything disappears. Now he is a father, another piece in his life has been fully covered and it is the most beautiful feeling in the world. 

 Part 6

[valkyriesryde]

Midnight Visitor

JUNE - THE LONE KIWI

Pairing: Avengers x OC Samantha Thompson, Bucky Barnes x OC Samantha Thompson (eventually...)

Summary: Samantha stumbles into a disheveled Steve and finds a monster in the dark that needs taming. 

Word Count: 1264

Warnings: PTSD (and talks about it), swearing, angst?, fluff?

A/N: This is also for @a-mess-of-fandoms​​ ‘s 400 writing challenge the prompt is bolded! Congrats again hun! there is also another author’s note at the end that adds some explaining and context to what she’s talking about that I would appreciate it if people read that bless. ENJOY

Masterlist

~~~~

He’s shaking, but he’s sweating. Too hot. Need to take off layers. Head leaning against the glass too feel some sort of cold.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” it still rings in his ears.

“I DON’T NEED YOU!” like gun fire that makes him retreat back into himself. Arm held against his chest so it can’t hurt anyone.

There’s muffled voices outside that break through the cloud he’s hidden himself in.

“What’s going on?”

“Nothing - nothing, you should be in bed.”

“So should you...Steve?”

“Yea?”

“He doesn’t mean it...whatever he said.”

“I know.”

“Go to bed Steve, he’ll be okay.”

“You should too, he just needs to be alone.”

He winces at the voices, at the memory from a mere ten minutes ago that flashes across his mind. A disheveled Steve, scared almost, small like before.

“GET OUT STEVE!” the words cut into him and he lets out a sob, his chest hurting from holding his breath. It doesn’t sound like him but it is, he knows it is. It’s like he’s just looking back at himself, like he’s no longer a part of his being, he’s left his body, watching himself yell and cry and push away Steve and anyone else that tried to come near him when he got like this. He didn’t want to. Yet he couldn’t bring himself to stop.

Until Steve nodded dimly and walked out the door. And Bucky slid down the glass wall, curled into a ball pressed into the corner of the room and squeezed his eyes shut. He deserved this.

Until the door inched open again, after footsteps walked down the hallway. It opened then closed but he didn’t dare look at it, he couldn’t stand the look off hurt on Steve’s face.

“Just let me be Steve,” he whimpered out, an attempt at being strong but it failed dismily and slapped him in the face, you’re not okay you fool.

“What if I’m not Steve?” Sammy, she didn’t deserve to see him like this. She didn’t deserve to be the victim of his rage.

“Go away.” He opened his eyes and stared a hole into the glass. Through the reflection he could see her, standing by the door, not even a step in.

“No.” His eyebrows knitted down and his arm tightened around his knees, his metal fist clenched against his ribcage. “Either I sit on this side of the door or the other. It’s up to you.”

He stayed silent and glared at her reflection. Watched it slide down the door and rest her head against the door. “I’ll pick for you.”

She closed her eyes. He watched her chest move up and down steadily and calmly. She shouldn’t be calm, her guard shouldn’t be down. Bucky glanced down at his hand, black laced with gold and then suddenly silver and dripping with red. He gasped and blinked, the red back to gold and the silver gone black, catching the light of the moon on his forearm.

A deep breath in. Just in case she was watching him, so she couldn’t see how unstable he was. He’s not sure how long it’s been now. She won’t say anything, she’s not moving. She’s just sitting there, picking at a loose thread in her sweatpants.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” His words are venom, he’s sick of the unwanted attention. Spit it out and leave me alone. He wants to tell her. Never to her though.

“Why would I do that?”

“It’s what they all do. Say something inspiring that should be on a stupid poster with a fucking cat,” then fuck off.

“No.”

“No?”

“No.”

Silent again and Bucky can’t take it anymore. Why isn’t she saying anything?! She usually never shuts up and not she’s just sitting there picking at a loose thread? Two more minutes pass and Bucky’s toes have stopped tapping.

“Why are you here?” He finally looks at her to find her eyes already on him with a small smile that he can’t return.

“Because if the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want to be alone...no matter what I said.” Samantha stretches her legs out in front of her and shrugs her shoulders. “I might not be able to talk about it, might not be able to understand some of it. It’s not like I was ever a prisoner of war, I don’t get bullets shot at me every other week or have nightmares every other night.” She stands up and walks over to stand across from Bucky’s curled figure, sliding down the side of the dresser across from him. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let you go through it alone because when you can’t look on the bright side, I will sit with you in the dark.”

Bucky clenched his fist, and sucked in a breath, he nodded his head slightly but didn’t look at her as her words settled in his mind and he furrowed his eyebrows. The moon continued to light up the dark room, almost as if it was looking for her as it glowed around her.

“You forget the PTSD,” he muttered.

“What?”

“You listed everything but post traumatic stress disorder. I have that too…”

“Oh I know...I listed things I don’t have in common with you Bucky.” Bucky is shocked for a second. He doesn’t believe it and then he’s telling himself off for assuming and not believing her. Why would she lie to him? She wouldn’t. “I don’t get nightmares like you and only rarely will I get flashbacks,” he watches her twiddle her thumbs and avoid his eye like he had before, eyes drawn to the window and the moon. “But it’s the reason why I prefer elevators to stairs. It’s why I can’t be any higher than the tenth floor of a building without someone with me. Or why my stomach drops when a truck goes past or the wind gets really strong. When before I used to have no problem flying but any sort of turbulence now and my skin crawls and I can’t breathe. It’s a miracle I made it here to be honest,” she breathes out a laugh that sounds more like a huff and leans her chin on her knees and holds out her hand for Bucky.

His position almost mirrors hers if it weren’t for the arm he kept tucked away from her but he reaches out with his flesh hand and their fingers brush against each other, lightly holding onto to one another like a safety net, though not quite sure yet.

“You don’t have to tell-”

“I thought you wanted me to talk?”

“Normally people just tell me it’ll be okay and this will pass, they don’t normally talk about their own traumatic experiences.”

“Hey Bucky...it’ll be okay, this will pass.” Samantha sticks her tongue out slightly and Bucky and he can’t keep the slight smile from breaking out.

The pair sit there together, fingers holding fingers for a few minutes. It’s quiet, peaceful. Bucky’s anxiety has lowered tremendously from where it was when she entered until she holds out her other hand. He gulps down and his fingers twitch against his side. She holds out one finger and slowly Bucky reaches out his metal appendage and his forefinger curls around hers. Bucky doesn’t look at her, his eyes are locked on the mix of metal and flesh even though small. She’s not afraid, not afraid of him, not afraid of what’s going on in his head, not afraid of the damage he’s done or capable of doing.

~~~~~

OKAY So for context, as we know Samantha is a New Zealander but more than that she’s from Christchurch as am I. This time of year is really weird for me and I wanted to put that into this character because it really is a stable part of a person of her (my?) age who grew up in Christchurch. SO this past Saturday was the nine year anniversary of the Christchurch earthquake which literally destroyed my city. And yea, PTSD is a massive thing here because of it even if its undiagnosed or ignored, anxieties run high at this time of year. Some of the stuff she (Samantha) talks about are things that myself and my friends go through and I wanted to shed some light on that and since this series is about enabling me to explore and experiment with characters and styles I figured it was the perfect opportunity. I don’t really know want I’m saying but if you have any questions or want to chat about it then hmu and im more than happy to chat. ANYWAY THANKS FOR READING I APPRECIATE IT GREATLY LOVE YOU ALL BAI

Permanent Taglist (open): @witch-of-letters @tonystankschild @morsmordrethings @buckysdumbmetalarm@marvelsangels @momobaby227 @weirdlyokaywithit @disgustangg @bucky-blogs @sebbbystaaan@geeksareunique @stuckonjbbarnes @ellieslifefails @mushyjellybeans @lovesmesomehiddles @nat-alia-novna @this-kitten-is-smitten​ @itsunclebucky​ @kitkatd7​

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[alyssaiswriting]

Como Si Nada

Before You Read: this is for @ericks-mala-actitud writing challenge, congrats again!! <333 the song prompt is “y mis ojos se corraron pero no estoy ciego. y anque nunca te lloraron, predimos el juego. ver que tu sigues tu vida y me quitas la mia” - Como Si Nada by Sebastian Yatra

Warning: toxic relationship

Word Count: 1587

Zabdiel feels your warm body part from his and immediately knows the reason why, irritated he says "don't want to keep the rich boy waiting"

You look over your bare shoulder at him to see him looking at you with a bored expression, with a sigh you slip on your shirt then your underwear that was by your feet before standing from the bed to grab your jeans by the door.

You look at Zabdiel as you fiddle with the tough fabric of your jeans "you know I wish things could be different" your voice is small, Zabdiel looks over to you, his eyes soften at your nervous tick.

"I don't know why it's so hard for you to leave him," Zabdiel says, the attitude that was on his face not showing through his voice.

You open your mouth to speak just as your phone rings, Sam's name lights up on your phone making you curse under your breath.

"Hey baby" you answer putting on your best enthusiastic voice making Zabdiel's jaw tighten.

"Where are you? You dad is asking for you" he's annoyed

"I'm on my way right now, I forgot some things at home" you lie, "just hurry," sam says before grumbling a "bye" and hanging up the phone.

You look to Zabdiel who's not glaring at the wall behind you, "I can't just break up with him, Zabdiel" you sigh as you start putting on your jeans.

Zabdiel slides to the end of the bed with a scoff. "Why not?" He says as he picks up his boxers from the floor and slips them up his long legs.

"We've been over this, this is who my family expects me to marry since we were 3 we've been promised to the other family, I'm becoming a Salas next month and there's nothing I can do. The Salas have done so much for my family. "

Zabdiel stands to his feet turning to you "don't marry him" he says likes it's really that simple.

"And go against my family? Against the Salas, the leaders of a drug cartel?" You furrow your eyebrows.

Zabdiel shrugs "I just-" he starts but your phone dings with a text.

Sam 💕 Where are you??? My family is arriving

You curse under your breath as you quickly collect your purse and keys.

"I got to go, I'll see you at the party," you say and just as you're about to walk out of his bedroom he grabs your wrist to pull you back for a kiss.

His lips you're so familiar with feel the best against yours and you've known you want to feel them forever, which only hurts you more that, that can't be the case.

"I love you," Zabdiel says softly when he pulls away.

Your heart simultaneously aches and swells at his words, "I love you too" you say genuinely

———————

It's your uncles birthday, your parents offered him a party at their house, all your cousins, Tias and Tios have made an appearance for the cookout.

"So when's the wedding?" Your tia Meghan looks from you to Sam who's standing by the barbecue pit with your dad and his dad.

"Next month actually" you smile but only out of habit.

"I'm so excited for you two, your mom and I always hoped you and Sam would end up together." You laugh softly, that wasn't news to you, your mom has always been team, Sam.

"I'll be right back" you excuse yourself from the table

You walk over to Sam, your Dad, and Michael(his dad). "Hi" you smile at Sam before turning to your dad. "I'm gonna get myself water from inside, you want one?" Your dad quit drinking about 2 years ago.

"Sure," your dad says enthusiastically.

"You guys want anything from inside?" You ask Sam and Michael.

"I'm good, thank you mija" Michael says.

"I'll come with you," Sam says making you scrunch your eyebrows as to why he wants to go inside with you for two bottles of water but you say nothing as you make your way inside.

Once the door shuts behind you two Sam says lowly "you reek of him" you swallow a lump in your throat "what are you talking about?" You question

"You were with him" you know you were caught but your brain just kept saying 'Deny. Deny. Deny'

"Don't be stupid" you scoff and try to walk off but before you could even take a second step your arm is grabbed and you're pulled back.

"I've ignored it for a few weeks now because let's be honest I'm not the most faithful" he starts making your jaw clench, you'd had your suspicions and though you didn't love Sam like you use to it still stung. "But I can't risk letting this go on and someone finding out" he steps closer to you "so you better stop before I find a way to put a stop to it"

He's threatening you, it causes anger to boil inside as you straighten your back and tilt your head up to appear less small, "are you trying to scare me, Sam?"

"Take it as you wish" he shrugs

"You're really funny if you think that's gonna work on me" you spat out

Sam takes another step forward now blocking you in between his body and the wall behind you, he's so close you can smell the beer on his breath as he says  "I know what will work on you. When I take away everything you have, everything my family has given you and your family" he has a cocking smirk as he looks over your face "I'll ruin your fucking life"

This does scare you because it's exactly what you were afraid of, but you try your best to maintain your composure, only showing a slight switch when the corner of your lip twitches slightly, but Sam catches it making his eyebrow raise.

He steps back, away from you, "think it over muñequita" and with a shake of his head, he walks into the kitchen where your mom, Noemi, and your tias are gossiping as they cook.

You take a few seconds to compose and will yourself not to cry before putting on a fake smile for your family as you walk into the kitchen.

Sam is already trapped in a conversation with your tia chismosa who's asking questions like "when's the wedding?" "When are you bringing babies into the family"

You stand by your mom as she chops up ingredients for her potato salad.

She glanced over at you and you give her a closed-mouth smile. "Que paso? Why do you look bien triste"

You look over at Sam as you say "I'm fine just tired, didn't get more than 3 hours of sleep last night" you say

Your mom is about to reply when the doorbell rings "I'll get it" you say pushing yourself off the counter and walking over to the door.

Swinging it open, you're met with a very put together Zabdiel, which is quite the opposite of how you last saw him.

"Hi" he smiles and steps forward to hug you and kiss your cheek. When he pulls away you look over to the kitchen where Sam is watching the two of you.

"Come in, my mom's in the kitchen with your mom" you say refusing to make eye contact with the Puerto Rican.

"Ok" he drags out and walks past you to the kitchen.

As your mom and tia gush over your tall friend about how handsome he looks and how well his career has been you grab a water bottle from the fridge and slip out with Sam right behind you

You do your best to avoid Zabdiel the rest of the party, afraid of what Sam would do if he saw you even breathe in Zabdiel's direction.

it's only after everyone has eaten when guest slowly start leaving that it gets harder to hide from Zabdiel.

You spot him by the oldest tree in the backyard talking to multiple of your uncles, and your dad beers in hands as they laugh at each other's stories and jokes.

You feel for him so greatly and watching the way his eyes squint as he laughs warms your heart, you find yourself wishing with everything in your body that you and Zabdiel will be able to get together for real one day.

When he feels your gaze on him his eyes meet yours a smile on his face but you can't find the energy to even fake a smile back because no matter how bad you want to be happy with him, you're getting married in two weeks and you'll never be able to see him again.

you quickly look away when you feel a hand on your thigh.

"ya vamonos" Sam says making you nod.

You walk over to your dad, uncles, and zabdiel. give them a hug and a kiss on the cheek goodbye.

Zabdiel tries to keep you in the hug longer then you intended because he knows somethings wrong, but you pull away roughly not even looking up at him as Dam grabs your hand.

"Drive safe, text me when you get home," your dad says

And you leave, without sparing Zabdiel one more glance because you know it'll hurt too much.

He texts you that night at 1:13 am but you don't answer, Zabdiel stares down at the "read 1:15 am" for 2 minutes hoping he'd see that 3 bubbles pop up but they never do.

[itsalliepg]

While She Was Away (Zig’s POV) - Zig x Scarlett (MC)

SUMMARY: Zig's point of view after breaking up with Scarlett (MC) and her trip to London in The Senior.

PAIRING: Zig x Scarlett (MC)

WORDS: 4635

RATING: Teen

SONG: Waiting For a Girl Like You - Foregner

NOTE: Hey guys! Here’s Zig’s POV about The Senior events (I mean, their break up and how he decided to go to London to see her). It’s the first time I write in first person and I enjoying a lot getting into Zig’s mind LOL I must warn you there’s angst but if you know me, you can wait for a happy ending ;) English isn’t my native language. I write to practice and learn, so please sorry any mistakes. I hope you like it, and if you do, I’d appreciate if you like/comment/reblog!

Fanfic Masterlist

AO3 Profile

Then Scarlett closed the door and I threw myself on the couch. The last thing we shared was a dirty look. Not even goodbye. She was mad at me, and I was mad at her. Why did our relationship become that? Couldn’t she understand my side? Couldn’t she be happy for me, as she always did? She was always so supportive of me, when I decided to go to Hartfeld, when I joined the football team, the dance team, when my grades were tampered with…and this was the most important step I would take, I would leave my family, my friends for the biggest adventure of my life, and I wanted her to come with me! I was thinking about her too when I signed up for the teaching program, wouldn’t it be a life-changing experience for her too? I thought about how much inspiration she would have if she traveled to a totally different country, with a totally different culture, and she’s so intelligent, she could get a job there in no time…I got up and walked around the living room. I kept repeating her words in my mind, trying to find out what happened, why we ended up like this.

Did you even stop to think that I might have my own plans? Or were you too busy thinking about yourself?

How would you feel if I’d just taken it? Without talking to you? Without giving you a say?

So you’re saying I shouldn’t even try?

Is that all you think I do? I just laze around typing on my laptop all day? What about my career?

Funny, I seem to be the only person sacrificing anything in this arrangement.

Is that what our relationship’s come to? Either you give up your dream or I do? Zig, I can’t do this. If that’s how you really feel we’re done!

“If I really loved you”? Really? I’ve been nothing but supportive since we started dating. Because I’m the supportive one! The helpful one! The one everyone calls in a crisis! Need a study buddy? Want to throw a party? How about a cheerleader for your dance audition? Just call Scarlett! She’ll drop everything!

Well after three freaking years it’s my turn to be selfish, damn it! And if you can’t find room in “our plan” for my dreams, then I’ll make my own plan. Without you!

I mean we’re over.

            That was rough. I was wondering if I should go after her and say that we could talk and work things out, maybe we could try long-distance like we did during the summer when she was in San Francisco, but I think I was too shaken after those words.

We’re over.

              The tears I was holding came easily. I was mad at everything. At the world. At Scarlett. But especially at me. I couldn’t help but feel it was all my fault. I was in a trance when I suddenly felt Oliver hopping on my legs. Nala was following behind. I could see how sad they were. They knew something bad had happened.

              _I’m sorry you had to hear all this, babies – I took Nala in my arms and scratched Oliver’s head – but mommy’s gone, and… - that was too much. My next words were punctuated by sobs – I don’t know when she’ll be back…for a while, it’ll just be daddy with you – I walked towards the room and saw Aylmer in his tank. He was also sad – oh, Aylmer, I’m sorry – I put some food for him in the water while I stared at her side of the closet, empty. It broke my heart even more. That apartment was so hollow when she was in California, but I talked to her every day, so it helped me to deal with her absence. Now she no longer lived here. But the sight of a whole wardrobe with only my clothes on wasn’t as hurtful as what I saw on her desk. The star necklace I gave her two years ago on her birthday, the first one we spent together. She never left home without it, and now…she did it. That was a sign that she wanted nothing more about me in her life.

                I still thought Scarlett was being selfish. But she was right. She’s a caretaker, as I said a few days ago, she always put other people’s necessities over hers, and I always had to remember her she was important too. And she finally took my advice. She understood that her career was important. I was thinking about her when I decided that but…I didn’t consider what she wanted. It was really all my fault.

                I lay on the bed and stared at the necklace in my hands while cursing myself a million times. All the fears I had when I met Scarlett came back to haunt me. When I saw her in the coffee shop for the first time, I remember exactly how I was dazzled by her beauty. All I wanted was a chance to talk to her, and then she helped me after I punched Sebastian, and fate continued to put our paths together. But even so, I was afraid. Afraid that she would get tired of me. Or that she would see that we were from different worlds. She was smart, had a lot of friends who loved her, a solid family structure, she had everything to conquer the world. And I had a damn criminal record that only gave me low-paying jobs and judgments wherever I went. I couldn’t give her a good life, the life she deserved. She wouldn’t be eager to introduce me to her family as her boyfriend. I wasn’t good enough for her. But she believed in me. In a way that I never believed myself. Of course, my mom and sisters believed in me, but having this support from someone who wasn’t my family, and I was so interested, meant the world to me. I almost couldn’t believe she said yes when I asked her to be my girlfriend. And we lived so many things together, and then rented this apartment together…I’ve never felt so happy in my life. I could have a college degree as I always dreamed of and had an amazing woman by my side to face the world with me. And during our trip we made so many plans, where would we live, children…I love her more than I ever loved someone. And now I screwed everything. That feeling that I would do some bullshit and throw it all away. And I did. Congrats, Zig.

               My phone started buzzing and I saw my mom was calling me. I texted her earlier saying that I had good news. It didn’t look so good now. I let my phone ring. I was in no mood to talk. I just wanted to cry all the pain I was feeling in my heart.

_

               Almost a month has passed since Scarlett and I broke up. I had no guts to unfriend her on FaceSpace, but I also didn’t want to see her. I mean, I wanted, but I didn’t know how I would react if I saw her triumphs she didn’t want to share with me. Sometimes I wondered if she thought about me, if she missed me as much as I did. She only texted me to ask about our pets, and as much as I tried, I couldn’t answer more than “They’re fine”. I asked the gang if they had news about her, but she barely spoke to them either. Zack only knew she was living with her parents and driving all the way to Hartfeld every day, and would get that study abroad program in London. Maybe she would do that interview in person. She really wanted to focus on her now. And I had no space in it. I wanted to be angry, but then I remembered I did the same. And I should also focus on the trip to Japan about to happen, I would stay a week in Tokyo to know the school that was assigned to me and visit the city. I should be excited, that was all I wanted, right? But I wasn’t. I wish she was with me. I only knew she was going to London because Abbie told me Scarlett was saying goodbye to her. I thought…it would be nice if I texted her wishing a good trip…I took my phone and started writing…but then I deleted it. I must have done this a thousand times. So I finally sent something.

Good luck in London. Be safe.

               I started cursing myself again. Just that, Zig? How about “I miss you” or “I love you” or “I’m sorry”? I didn’t know why I couldn’t write more than that. I stared at my phone and Oliver jumped on my lap and licked my face, trying to cheer me up. But I knew he was sad.

               _I know, buddy. I miss her too.

_

               I was sitting in a park under a cherry tree in Tokyo and texting my mom. She was very happy for me, never imagined a kid of hers could go this far. And at the same time, she tried to cheer me up. That’s what I wanted, and I was doing my best to make the most of Tokyo, but each new place I visited, each new food I tried, each new Japanese word I learned, I couldn’t help thinking about Scarlett and how much she would love that. The smiles in the pictures I posted online where almost fake. This trip would be the beginning of everything, and I wasn’t as happy as I should have been. That trip was the reason for the worst mistake I made in my life. Was she thinking of me in London as much I thought of her in Tokyo?

_

               I was in the library working on my thesis and thank God, I was inspired and everything was going well. Then I felt a hand in my shoulder.

              _Hey, Zig. Sorry, are you busy?

              _Hey, Abbie. I was just working on my thesis, but I should take a break now – she sat next to me – what’s up?

             _So, I’m going to London tomorrow to spend a weekend with Scarlett – I felt a chill down my spine.

             _Oh, that’s nice…

             _Do you…do you want me to say something to her? – she stared at me until  I finally said something.

             _I just want you to let me know how’s she’s doing. If she’s okay, you know – Abbie nodded, she knew I wanted to say more. But I simply couldn’t, I don’t know why I became so coward. I could ask Abbie to tell Scarlett that I missed her, and still loved her after all, but the words never left my mouth.

            _Okay, I’ll tell her – she gave me a reassuring squeeze in my shoulder before leaving the library. It was difficult but within minutes I was back in my thesis.

_

               Abbie came back, and she suggested the gang a night in a bar to be able to tell us about her trip to London. Scarlett was fine, and that relieved me. She was having fun in London and the job offer was incredible, Scarlett would have a great salary, enough to live well there. I was happy for her, really. But it hurt to know she was going her own way without me. I quietly left the table and sat down on a bench outside the bar. All the tears I’ve been holding for almost two months have left my eyes.

               _Zig, are you okay? – Chris sat next to me and I wiped away my tears.

               _She’s fine without me, isn’t she? – I asked still sobbing – she loves being in London and received a job offer that she couldn’t refuse. Why would she turn it down? – Chris wrapped an arm around my shoulders – she’ll stay in London and I’ll go to Tokyo. I’ll never see her again and it’s all my fault!

               _Zig, she didn’t say she would take that job, and if you sit and talk when she comes back, I’m sure you can work things out – I shook my head.

              _I don’t think she wants to see me. After everything I’ve done, I deserve that. God, I miss her so much!

               _She also misses you, Zig – Abbie also left the bar and crouched in front of me – she asked me about you, but I knew she wanted to talk to you, but she couldn’t. Just like you – she smiled at me, and I outlined a smile.

              _You think she misses me?

              _I didn’t go to London, but I’m sure she does – Chris messed with my hair like he used to do when I did well in our football practices – a strong relationship like yours can’t end like this.

             _You were always so supportive of each other, and mellowed, unlike me and Tyler…I know you can work things out if you talk – I felt more excited.

             _Maybe I could…no, this is crazy…

             _What? – Chris asked.

             _Go to London to see her, and apologize, and say everything I’m holding on to my chest. It can’t be over the phone. I need to look her in the eye.

             _It’s a great idea, Zig! You should surprise her, I will send you her address.

             _But I have no money to afford a ticket to London. I spent almost everything I had in Japan… - I could see Abbie and Chris exchanging a look.

             _What if…we chip in and buy you a ticket? – I looked at Chris, startled.

             _What? I…no, I couldn’t accept.

             _Zig, we love Scarlett and you, you’re our dear friends and we want the best for you. If this makes you and her feel better, I’m sure the others would love to help – that was awesome. I started to cry again, but now with joy.

            _I…wow, I don’t even know what to say. You’re the best friends a guy could ask for – I stood up and wrapped the two of them in tight hugs.

            _So, how about you go Friday night?

            _I could go now, Abbie! But Friday night looks great.

_

               All the way to London, I kept thinking about everything I wanted to say to Scarlett. I repeated the words in my head over and over again. At the same time I had a pitch of hope in my heart that we could be together again, I was afraid she wouldn’t want to. After everything I did, she had a right not to want to forgive me. I took a taxi to the address Abbie texted me and knocked on the door louder than I wanted. I finally heard the sound of a key opening it.

               _Hey…what are you doing here? – there she was. As beautiful as I remembered. It was almost four years since I first saw her, but she was still able to take my breath away. Scarlett. The woman I loved more than anything. The woman who changed my life forever.

               _I’m here for you, Scarlett. I can’t do this anymore – I was so nervous I was trembled – Can I…come in? – she hesitated for a few seconds. Oh, great. She will slam the door in my face, I deserve it. But no, she moved aside so I could get into her flat. I sighed and looked into her beautiful brown eyes – I love you, Scarlett, and I made a huge mistake. The way we left things, I half expected you to slam the door in my face. And I would have deserved it. But…Scarlett, I can’t stand being without you – I ran my hand through my hair and sighed again – I keep thinking about our last fight. I was such an idiot. I was so excited about Japan, I didn’t think about what it would mean for you. You were right to call me on it. I took you for granted, and just assumed your support was a given. I’m so, so sorry Scarlett. I love you, Scarlett. I love you and miss you. Please take me back – the words came easily, better than I expected. She looked at me sweetly.

               _Oh, Zig…I missed you too. I’d be lying if I said I never thought about you – she smiled shyly – it doesn’t help that my flat looks out onto a dance studio. Every Thursday they teach ballroom dance, and I think of our vacation – I smiled too.

              _We certainly taught the folks at Golden Oaks a thing or two, didn’t we? – I approached her slowly, and took her hand. That was the first time I touched her after those two months apart. I wanted her to know how much I cared about her with just that gesture – I know I screwed up. We should have talked about our plans for graduation months before now. In hindsight, I realize you tried to bring it up, but I assumed things would just “work out” because we loved each other.

             _What are you saying?

             _Why don’t we have that talk now? And this time, I’ll listen. Please give me another chance – I looked at her and she just looked me in the eye. For the first time, I couldn’t realize what she was thinking. I didn’t know if she would fight me again, or let go of my hand, until she finally spoke.

             _Yes, yes, yes! – she squeezed my hand and smiled, that smile I loved so much, lightening up her face.

             _Y-you mean it? – I asked, stammering, eyes wide. That was too good to be true. Still smiling, she nodded, and before I knew, she launched herself in my arms and kissed me. That was our first kiss in two months and, wow, how I missed feeling her lips on mine. I held her as tightly as I could, but nothing seemed enough.

             _It’s been too long since I’ve been kissed senseless, Zig – she smirked. Was she daring me like we used to do? I laughed, I was so happy to got her back. I just bit her lower lip and whispered.

             _Guess I’ve got some catching up to do – I took her in my arms again and guided her against the wall while I kissed her as if it were the last thing I would do in my life. I was remembering everything, her taste, her scent, her warmth, the feeling of tangling my fingers in her hair, not that I had forgotten, but the reality was better than any fantasy. I lost track of time and stopped when we were both gasping for air.

             _Zig, one. Senses, zero – she joked, but I could tell she was a little dizzy. I laughed at her joke, at the effect I had on her and all the happiness I was feeling. But we needed to talk.

            _I’m serious, though. What do we want our future to look like? Honestly, as long as we’re together, I’m good with anything.

           _I want…to go to Japan with you – what? Did she really say that?

           _Are you sure? I don’t want you to give up your dream for me.

           _I’m sure. Like you said, we should have talked about your placement beforehand. If we had, I would have told you to go for it. I knew it was coming after all. I was just hurt that you decided for both of us, and I needed to choose something for myself – I looked down, embarrassed. She noticed, then smiled and took my hands – so I chose Quills and gave it a shot. But now…I’m choosing you. I want to travel with you to Japan. I want to learn a new language. I want to explore the unknown with you – that was too good to be true. But after all, I didn’t want her to feel she had to go to Japan with me just because I wanted to.

            _Scarlett, that’s amazing, but your writing’s important. Will you feel fulfilled in Japan? Quills sounded like a dream job.

            _It’s definitely someone’s dream job. Just not mine. I’ve read Quills Magazine. They’re really influential in the European journalism scene, but I don’t think that’s my scene. I won’t stop writing in Japan. I’ll keep hustling. I’ll send in applications. But as long as I’m with you, I’ll be happy – she took my face in her hands and caressed my cheek before kissing me again. I rested my forehead on hers. That was everything I wanted. Japan wouldn’t be the same without her – I never dreamed you would follow me all the way to London – I pulled back and smiled at her.

            _You should thank our friends – I told her about Chris’ idea. She grinned that way I loved – and they were so sure we would make up that they buy me a ticket back to US just for tomorrow night! I don’t know where I would sleep if you didn’t want to come back to me.

             _Well, I wouldn’t let you sleep on the street, or at the airport – she smiled and hugged me – and does that mean you will be here for the weekend? That’s great! I’m not ready to let you go yet! – we giggled – and we should have some fun! I’ll show you my favorite spots in London, pubs, restaurants, parks, shops…

             _By the way, is this dress new? – I pointed to the beautiful velvet dress she was wearing. I must not know much about women’s fashion, but I did know when an outfit looked good on her – I don’t think I ever saw you wear it. Did you buy here?

             _Well, it was bought here, but by my mother. Did you know she also lived here when she was my age? – she told me about her mother living here, and we had an incredible afternoon together (she was happy when I returned the necklace), she took me to the Tower of London, then we had dinner and some drinks in a pub before I took her to my surprise in Big Ben (thanks, Aaron!) where we could satisfy our desires and show how much we missed each other. I have to say, I would never have imagined one day I would have sex inside Big Ben! But I’m glad it was with Scarlett. And I was madly missing having her body against mine. Sunday night came and I traveled back to Hartfeld, but I didn’t get on the plane before Scarlett covered me with kisses, and I, of course, did the same. The travel back was much better that the outward one. I couldn’t wait for her to come home.

_

               The following Saturday, I was driving to Scarlett’s parents’ house. She was staying in England for two more weeks and asked me to bring back to Hartfeld some of her clothes that were in the Thomas. But I also something else to talk to them about. Very important. I told my mom about it and she gave me all the support I needed. Therese and Louis opened the door when I arrived. Both of them smiling widely at me.

               _Zig! It’s so good to see you again!

               _It’s good to see you too, Louis – I hugged them both.

               _Scarlett’s clothes are already in her bag, but I hope you stay a little longer – I noticed that, although they were separated, they seemed to get along very well. I couldn’t say they were facing a crisis if I didn’t know. This was good. Maybe they were reconciling and Scarlett would be happy – do you want to have lunch with us?

               _I don’t want to be an inconvenience to you.

               _Nonsense, Zig. You’re very welcome here. And we’re so happy you and Scarlett are back together! – Louis said. I smiled bashfully.

               _Yeah, I’m very happy too. And I must apologize to you, for everything I said and did to your daughter. It was the worst mistake of my life – Therese smiled sweetly at me.

               _You don’t have to apologize. You two are young, are still learning to deal with relationship issues. If even older people have problems… - she glanced at Louis. But I felt more relieved. After what I did, I was afraid they would…well, it doesn’t matter anymore.

                _Well, I’m glad you are not mad at me. Because I want to talk to you about something very important.

                _Oh, what it would be? – Louis said and sat on the couch. Therese and I did the same. I was sat in an armchair in front of them. I was just as nervous as the first time I met them. I sighed and could feel my heart calming. Okay, Zig. You can do it.

               _First of all, I want to say that all this time apart only made me see how much I love Scarlett and how lucky I am for having her in my life. When I first met her, I was unhappy with my life and all my dreams of having a college degree and working with something I like were kind of dead inside of me. But then I met her and she made me see how much I was worth and that I could do anything I want. My life changed because of her, not only because she inspired me to it, but also because I could see a future with her. I love her with all my heart and soul and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I want to introduce her to people as my wife – I looked at Louis – you said that day that you gave me permission to propose to Scarlett. But after everything that had happened, I don’t know if I still have it. So I want to ask: do I still have permission to marry Scarlett? – they had an unreadable expression in their faces, which made me even more nervous.

               _Zig, of course you have permission! You make Scarlett so happy that it also makes us happy.

               _Louis is right, Zig. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my daughter so happy since you started dating. You supported her through all the difficulties she had over these three years you’re together and it’s good to know there’s someone is looking after her – they grinned at me and I smiled back. Kindness was definitely a family thing.

               _Thank you so much. It means a lot to me.

               _And…Scarlett told us you’re going to Japan after graduation? – Therese asked and I told them all about the teaching abroad program while we eat. I had a wonderful time with my girlfriend’s parents and never felt so welcome somewhere before. What happened was water under the bridge and I got a new chance to make things right. I drove the way back to Hartfeld, thinking about how I would propose to Scarlett. The night before the graduation could be a good one. Louis mentioned he was thinking of making a reservation at a nice restaurant to celebrate our graduation and all our friends would be invited. I was already saving money to buy a ring, and it had to be a gorgeous ring, just like Scarlett. I couldn’t wait to propose to her. I was more than ready to take the next step with her.

            While she was away, I thought that I had lost her forever. The days without her were the worst of my life. Since I met her, since I laid eyes on her for the first time, she never left my thoughts. But now I’ve got her back. And I would cherish that to the fullest. Because I knew what it feels when she’s not around. I would dedicate my life to making her happy. Even more than I ever did before.    

[sohmariku]

RIKU’S RANDOM LIFE: THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF... AUTISM?

Yesterday  What do I need to do today? Finish decorating the Christmas tree? Reminds me, I still need to by a Christmas stall. But the kitchen really needs to be cleaned too. It’s also about time I finish the Winter set-up of my nendoroids. Crap, I absolutely need to vacuum the house today! Laundry can wait another day,...can it?

*Proceeds to watch another episode of Avatar: the Last Airbender*

Thankfully I’ve managed to cross out most of the tasks I had to do by today, but the Christmas tree still lacks decorations and my nendoroids are still disorderly shoved on the shelves. Maybe tomorrow...?

(I came to come to the conclusion I still have dry laundry hanging on the clothesline... I estimate it’s been up there for about a week now.)

While my mind is usually in a state of “semi-organised chaos”, the last couple weeks it’s mostly been “pure chaos”. Due to an overload of responsibilities, birthday parties and other holiday-celebrating occasions, I can’t seem to keep up with even the most basic tasks. 

In short, I’m mentally exhausted and need a break.

Last time I blamed my kitten for the lack of progress on any subtitles, but... I’ve come to the realization it’s been not just that. The seemingly never-ending string of social responsibilities has drained away all my energy... to the point I could barely be bothered to eat breakfast some days. Of course my dumb-ass mind was too tired to realize what was going on and... Hello Meltdown Yesterday. 

In hindsight, I really should have skipped that birthday dinner party, but my boyfriend was already guilt tripping me into going, before I even could mention I didn’t want to go. His father would be so happy if I’d be there, he said. Mind you, I had completely forgotten about that party until my boyfriend called around 4PM telling me he was on the way home, so we’d surely get to the restaurant in time. That day was supposed to be MY DAY OFF! Because I could feel I had reached my limit. Nope, that evening is gone! Though I was literally on the verge of crying, I decided to push through, because his parents feel they don’t see me around enough already and gotta keep them happy, sorta.

The effect showed immediately, because it took me two days to even realize I had forgotten my scarf at the restaurant! And I only noticed, because I couldn’t find it when I forced myself to do the grocery shopping I absolutely didn’t feel like doing, because I was still recovering from said dinner party. Of course, as the responsible adult I am, I didn’t call the restaurant, but instead texted my boyfriend “I think I might have forgotten my scarf at the restaurant!” and prayed he’d solve the problem without me literally needing to ask him to make the call for me. Because if there’s anything I hate more than making phone calls, I hate making phone calls to admit I’m an absolute airhead who forgot her scarf! Thankfully he fixed it without me needing to spell it out word for word. Got my scarf back. 

But really, this whole debacle really shows how on-edge I was that evening. I clearly remember thinking to myself “don’t forget your scarf” and then came the waiter who handed me a little rubber duck. (because apparently every female customer gets one) And boom, I became a happy little penguin with my rubber duck. It was all I could focus on ad when people started to leave, I quickly waddled outside (after saying some painfully awkward goodbyes to people I don’t actually know, but who do know me) and totally forgot about the scarf. Until days later! But yes, I got it back.

(To add to that, I lost that same scarf again today but in the Garden center, because I was too focused on a text conversation on my phone. Took me a lot of courage and agonizing to ask the staff if anyone had found it. They did, I got it back. Also, when doing some grocery shopping last week, I forgot my empty shopping bag at the cashier. I didn’t go back to ask if anyone found it. I could get a new one for only 58 eurocents after all. Anyway, notice a trend?) 

If that wasn’t enough. The worst part is probably, I know I’m not out of the woods yet. Choir practice on Friday (20), Christmas Market Choir performance on Sunday (22), Christmas Evening Church Mass with choir on Tuesday (24),Christmas with family (parents/siblings) on Wednesday (25), Christmas with extended family (grandparents/uncles/aunts/cousins) on Thursday (26)... 

Somewhere in between all that I need to find time to properly clean my whole house (which hasn’t happened in forever), because I’ll be the one hosting the Christmas gathering on the 26th (It’s way too late to back out now...) and my aunts are already judging me enough as it is.I don’t need them to think I’m living like a pig. (It’s the first time they’ll see my house, so they’ll be sticking their noses everywhere most likely...) My house isn’t dirty per se, but it could definitely be cleaner.

And when you think the “suffering” finally ends... my boyfriend has a compulsory day off from work (27). So, I won’t get a fully quiet day until Monday (30). My plans for New Year’s Eve (31) are still unclear. But then my boyfriend has another compulsory day off  on New Year’s (1) and he also decided to take Thursday (2) and Friday (3) off too. Now my grandmother’s birthday is on the 7th, but she might very well be celebrating it on the 4th or 5th. Or the weekend after that (11-12). Plus in either of those weekends my boyfriend’s parents very much want to go out for dinner with us too...

In short, that means I’m not expecting any “true” down-time until well into January... And just that thought alone is enough to drain away the last bit of energy I had left and dread the rest of the month. 

Always love the holiday season... //hear the sarcasm// 

If it was up to me I’d go into hibernation and wake up somewhere in January.

---

Note: Though I have no official diagnosis (and not sure if I’ll ever pursue one), in hindsight, I’m pretty clearly on the Autistic Spectrum. It’s only been a year ago since I really came to this realization, I’m apparently pretty good at masking, and I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. My autism affects a great deal of my life. For one, any social interaction requires a lot of energy. It’s worse if I’m meeting with a large group of people. And even if I’m not in the same room, having another person in the house will somehow keep me on edge to a certain extent. I’m well aware that full schedules are exhausting to everyone, but to me they are “extra” exhausting. For example, it can take 2 full weeks to fully recover from a gathering with extended family. And when I’m in recovery, it’s very hard to do anything productive on a day. As I’m writing this, it sounds insane. And it doesn’t always happen, but it does happen and that’s extremely inconvenient. 

This post became a lot longer than I expected, but I guess it’s good to finally talk about this? Though part of me is feeling really anxious about it. How dare I claim to be autistic without an official diagnosis? It’s silly. My life is all about silly worries. This is just one of them. The anxiety is real. >< Guess I’d better just post this already... and then regret it all night... have trouble to fall asleep... while I dread the reactions people might have. Yes, that’s how my mind works. By morning I’ll realize I had nothing to fear, I hope... O.O;;

By the way, congrats if you made it all the way to the end of my rambling!

[lunawings]

King of Prism SSS Episode 12 commentary (FINAL!)

Crunchyroll was awesome this time! 

No significant complaints on the subs!

You guys were awesome this time! 

So many people stuck around for the late viewing in the stream and even after just to chat! 

Now on to the actual episode. 

Once again sorry this is so long. But with this being the last one, can you really blame me.....?

.....As much I love this episode, this scene was just so painful. Worse than Shine’s show. Worse than that whole last episode combined. 

A lot of my predictions about Part 4 were wrong (will discuss later) but I was absolutely sure of one thing. I knew no matter what happened in Part 4 just one thing was FOR CERTAIN. And that was... I was going to have to see Shin cry. This precious boy who deserves nothing but love is going to suffer. And I tried to prepare myself. I tried. 

But somehow. Even though I knew. EVEN THOUGH I KNEW... It was way worse than I could have ever imagined.

I always assumed he would cry because he found out about something terrible about the past. But instead HE NEVER KNOWS THE TRUTH and we get him sobbing over something entirely NOT HIS FAULT... in front of everyone.... HOW.... HOW COULD THEY.... DO THIS... TO.... HI...M................ 

This scene upsets me so much I don’t know if I have ever even seen the whole thing. I always end up turning away at some point, or just curling up into a ball.....

Did anyone else feel like they were watching a totally different anime for a few seconds here? I’m having trouble telling if the style actually changed or if I.... just am not used to seeing Shin make expressions like this............. ba.....by..............

Leo always cries when anyone else is crying.

Even though everyone claps for him at the theater at cheering shows, it doesn’t make me feel better. AT ALL. Because Shin never knows the truth. NONE OF THEM DO. Okay we’ll talk about this more later but just..... gah it hurts........................................ So much that it actually hindered my enjoyment of what amazing thing comes next......

Back in the first movie era, the idea of a full CGI show of the Edel Rose boys with Shin as center was something that I could not imagine coming true even in my wildest dreams. And I love this show. I just wish it wasn’t proceeded by so much suffering. 

Shin being their center was something they decided at the Christmas live (before performing Dramatic Love for the first time) BTW. While it seems obvious to us that Shin would be center, it wouldn’t necessarily be as such in-universe. They had to decide at some point! And I’m glad it was a part of that story. 

I LOVE THESE OUTFITS. 

THEYRE PERFECT. The rainbows, the stars, the colors. Everyone looks AMAZING. And I know the rainbows are probably an homage to Over the Rainbow... BUT..

its just so gay

Prism stone beam???

This is orange I guess? It looks more yellow to me. A lot of the hand colors are kinda vague and I’m just like... WHO DID YOU TOUCH 

For anyone who read my I THINK I MARRIED ALL THE EDEL ROSE BOYS. OR THEY MARRIED EACH OTHER. ANYWAY EVERYONE IS MARRIED NOW shitty out of context spoiler I wrote in a comment obviously it was this ahahaha

I really do love this show, and like with the new Shuffle’s show last week I’m so glad I can finally watch it without the.... suffering. 

The first time I saw this in theaters, this exact frame right here was when I first started feeling any semblance of better after all that had happened. He looks so confident and gallant and his eyes are shining and he just.... Shin............... I love you so much....................................................................

Also this is a good spot to talk about their feathers I guess. So these are different from the other (male?) wings Shine had. Why? What does that mean? 

*throws hands in the air*

So, some folks may not be aware of this but the feathers from Rainbow Live were a feature of the arcade game. 

You could unlock them by raising the PairTomos, and even the night dream feathers look like they were available at one time during an event it seems?? I am not entirely sure how it all worked since I never played the game back in the heyday. (You can no longer obtain all the feathers now even if you bring a memory card to a currently running Pretty Rhythm machine since some just aren’t available anymore.)

But anyway, the actual point I was trying to make is that the feathers had a set  structure within Rainbow Live since it was grounded by the arcade game. But in King of Prism...... that just kinda do what they want.... s....o.............

The first time I went to cheering for this it was the premiere date, and it was also the first time I ever did cheering the same day. In between the morning/midnight showing a whole bunch of people had the idea to go to the 100 yen shop and get glowstick rings just for this scene. I was like daaaamn. 

But then...

Our first official non-Crunchyroll translation of prism no kirameki? 

Even the Juuouin group worships “the prism”. 

And I can’t help laugh at the irony that Crunchyroll abandoned using “the prism” but also just ignored the translation ALREADY ON SCREEN

I can’t take his scream here. It’s just like.... HE WAS ALREADY DYING, WHY DID THEY HAVE TO SPEED UP THE PROCESS. 

LOUIS. 

LOUIS NOOOOOOOOO. 

Even as late as it is, I am really, really grateful how they took a few seconds to establish for the new audience exactly how much of their shows are powered by prism sparkle. 

Note that they did not change out of their costumes though. But my headcanon on this is that Leo just prefers to make the real thing because he can. 

Singing at cheering shows is also everything I have ever wanted. 

I feel bad though since I pretty much always get tongue tied here every time. It’s hard to just sing acapella to a song you’re not that familiar with. Especially with the sparkely lyrics appearing and disappearing like this. I actually don’t hear that many other people singing in the theater, perhaps for that reason? But I always try my best. 

And now that this is finally out, I can finally practice at home and nail this down with confidence just in time for...... SSS to leave theaters..... um............ ye....ah........

I also mess this up like every single time ahaha. It’s just slightly too fast for me to read. 

Someday I will succeed in properly marrying all of the Edel Rose boys. Someday. 

(Also I don’t think this was rainbow-colored in the theatrical version.)

So Edel Rose and all their fans just up and created a prism goddess so we don’t need the prism gods anymore. Can they do that? Can we do that? I guess we can! 

WE DID IT GUYS

It’s oddly fitting that Hijiri is kind of an ugly crier. I mean, he’s just so beautiful the rest of the time. It’s only right. 

So let’s unpack this for a sec. Unbeknownst to them, because the Edel Rose boys all married each other they put a new seal on Shine. But this seal is entirely dependent on their marriage their bond with each other. 

How literal is that I wonder?

Because like.... Edel Rose won’t last forever. Kakeru, Minato, and Yukinojo are gonna be going to college in a year and a half.... ahah ha.....

I just imagine like. A couple of them meeting on the street in the distant future being like “Oh man I haven’t seen you in forever!” “Yeah! We really lost touch! Hey, have you heard from Shin lately?” “No, you?” And behind them is like a TV report of Shin become Shine destroying a city or something. 

.....................Reminder again that this commentary is coming from the place where I am after having a couple months to let this all sink in and get to the point where I am comfortable joking about it.... ahah ha........ 

This is one of my coping mechanisms for dealing with the idea that my favorite character basically has the devil living inside of him trying to take over at any moment.....

Another one is thinking back to older King of Prism media and wondering what Shine was doing at that time. Like, I imagine him floating there inside Shin all bored and pissed off making sarcastic comments at whatever the Edel Rose boys are doing. And I find this hilarious for some reason. I’d make a webcomic about it if I could draw.

ANYWAY 

So my understanding of this scene (which may or may not be totally correct) is: The Edel Rose boys’ rings put a seal on Shine which drags him down back into the depths of where Rinne first plunged him. But before he goes, he installs(?) his powers into Shin so that Shin is free to use Shine’s powers on his own now. (Up until now he was just like borrowing them?) 

If you also briefly wondered how they could have gotten a perfect score after failing a jump, my guess is the Prism System just wasn’t recording at that time due to the lack of prism sparkle ahah ha. 

They absolutely mopped the floor with the new Shuffle, and it did not matter.

What makes this so nuts to me is that even before I saw Part 4, like way back after I first saw episode 5 I was already comparing Joji to a twisted Hiro. (Elaborated on this in my episode 5 post.) And then this aha. 

So in the theatrical version I swear the crowd here has light blue lights. And I wondered if it was on purpose to be like inverted Hiro (who goes from light blue -> yellow in the Prism King Cup, so Joji went yellow -> light blue?) but nope, I guess somebody just forgot Joji’s theme color is yellow ahaha. In the TV version they just made it multi-colored. 

So to add more context to some things, you may remember I mentioned before that Part 4 premiered in Japanese theaters in the gap between when Taiga and Kakeru’s episodes aired on TV. So by the time Joji’s episode aired on TV... I already knew this was gonna happen. I already knew we were watching the number one prism show. THE CHAMP. The only 2D prism show.... SO MUCH IRONY. 

But you know what. Despite his show being what it was..... After all the time to let it sink in.. After all the dust has settled.... the one solo song which is my clear favorite..... The only one which has gotten stuck in my head WAY MORE than ANY other.... is Joji’s. 

(Well, Ace’s. But still.)

So. 

Congrats Prism Champ. 

Never thought I’d say this but poor Jin. Even when he ACTUALLY TRIES to do something fair for once...... still......

(Goddammit Shine.)

Poor Joji? Or not. It’s hard to feel bad for him when he’s THE PRISM CHAMP ahaha. Like. He made it. He has everything he ever strived to obtain. On the surface anyway. 

How Nori-kun feels about this though, who knows. Will we ever?

DOES IT REALLY NOT? Haha I really don’t understand this at all. Like. Was it really political pressure? Did Jin fold since he didn’t win in the way that he wanted to? Did Kakeru pull some strings behind the scenes again?

*throws hands in the air*

AND THIS

It’s framed to be this super significant scene but

WHAT DOES IT MEANNNNNNNN

I have already touched on this in separate posts, and this post is so long already that I’m going to kind of leave it hanging here but I consider Kakeru’s plot in SSS to be a loose end. He was the only boy who did not have a plot with some kind of resolution about himself. Instead Kakeru’s plot was only about other people.....

FINALLY, the ultimate conclusion to the infamous curry plot of Pride the Hero.

AND FINALLY

YOU

GUYS 

I WAS SO MAD 

The official King of Prism Twitter and such were actually pretty good at hiding Dorachi before Alexander’s episode aired. But Torachi was just EVERYWHERE and I was like COME... ON. REALLY.

So you may have noticed this but he was added to the opening too. For us seeing SSS in the theaters, we only get one OP per showing. So this means Japan actually got this spoiled before episode 10. 

But I didn’t. I didn’t even notice because I just wasn’t thinking to look for it. (Also I guess sitting in a terrible seat to the far right twisting my neck at an angle may have had something to do with it but.) When I first saw the reveal of Torachi in episode 12 it was TOTAL SURPRISE for me......

But as much as I love Taiga though, Dorachi is my clear favorite. My Dorachi merch collection will start as soon as I can get my hands on ANYTHING

Also I wonder at what point Alexander figured out that DJ COO was Rei, because he sure knows now ahah. 

But anyway, speaking of spoilers....

I know I said at one point Nikkanen and the twins didn’t have any significant appearances in SSS, but that was before Part 4 and I just decided not to correct that and let you guys be surprised AHAHAH you’ll just have to hate me *BLASTS OFF INTO THE SUNSET*

(I’m so glad they seem to have cleaned up Nikkanen’s face a little. He looked so weird in the theater. Or like.... weirder at least.)

(If you don’t know these boys they are already established characters introduced on the Prism Rush mobile game.)

And what do THESE feathers mean..... 

LOUIS ISN’T DYING ANYMORE DONT CARE *NYOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM* 

By the way I can’t believe the prism sparkle disappearing and Louis becoming the protector of the world WAS FORESHADOWED IN ROAD TO SSS 9. That’s why I reblogged this post the other day.

It’s so funny how much of Road to SSS didn’t matter. Then you get to event 9 and LITERALLY EVERYTHING MATTERS. 

And again.... speaking of spoilers............

The week before Yu’s episode aired I AGONIZED about whether to put in some kind of vague hint that the Edel Rose boys new unit name was revealed in that episode (as part of Yu’s prism jump). Ultimately I decided not to. Because even though I didn’t figure it out at the time, I think with even a vague hint I probably would have. Because even when I saw it back then I was like.... “...... huh........” 

So you’re just gonna hafta haaaaaaaaate ahahaahah ha sorry

But anyway! Now I can finally stop referring to our seven stars as the “Edel Rose boys” and from now on call them SeptEntrion! Since calling them just the “Edel Rose boys” isn’t really accurate anymore since it would also include the twins and Nikkanen, etc. I’m happy that the main seven finally have a good name to distinguish them. 

(Now I need to learn to remember how to spell SeptEntrion....) 

Also

You guys in the livestream ruined this for me so I’m ruining it for everyone too.

Look at the red letters. 

Then flip over your desk and storm out of the room like I almost did when I noticed. 

WHY

THERE IS NO WAY THAT IS NOT ON PURPOSE

WHY 

So, a few weeks ago I was in Tokyo and I decided to stop by the Yotsuya station area.

I found the site of the supposed Yotsuya Credit union  (which is actually a lottery ticket stand) and the KPO KFC almost immediately. 

I also found out there is a Catholic university in the area, and although it doesn’t look anything like Edel Rose that seems like not a coincidence. 

So I started to walk around that area, but try as I might I could not find any little  shopping streets like the one in the anime. The area didn’t look like it would have that sort of place at all. Also it was POURING RAIN, I was just at Aqours 5th live the previous day, I had at least 6 hours to get home, and I was anxious to make it there with plenty of time for the stream of Alexander’s episode which we were doing that night. I decided to give up and head to the KFC to console myself over chicken, coleslaw, and biscuits before beginning the journey home when LOW AND BEHOLD 

RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE KFC

WAS THIS 

IT DOES EXIST 

And there is not nearly enough room for SeptEntrion to perform here ahaha. 

I can’t help but notice that while they used Prism One performance snapshots for all the other boys, Shin is in his old Over the Sunshine outfit. Well I mean. OF COURSE HE IS. But.....

But I really can’t help but wonder what the boys are thinking nowadays in retrospect about what happened. 

I mean, not that they shouldn’t love and trust Shin. Of course they should. 

But if my friend turned to pure evil for a solid 15 minutes I would be.... CONCERNED for him? ?? To say the least. 

The fact that THEY DONT KNOW AND MAY NEVER KNOW really just eats at me

I suppose Louis or June could tell them. But I don’t think Louis ever will since he just wants to protect Shin, and June..... where would she even start. 

Not to mention what does Yamada-san think about how Shin just BECAME Wataru Hibiki like I.... I just have several questions but......

The cheering audience for the half second we can see Torachi here: “..............................................................AHHHHH!..................................................”

I wondered for weeks what the TV ED would be for this episode, and as soon as Boy Meets Girl started playing I was like...... OF. COURSE.

Hahah I’m glad though. So far the only SeptEntrion version Boy Meets Girl we’ve had was live (at MRS) and I often thought of ripping the audio from the DVD just to have it, but now I won’t have to. The TV audience never got to hear the theatrical ending 366 Love Diary though, which is kind of a shame. That song is such a big part of SSS to me.

So when we do the livestreams, I often have the live episode playing on my actual TV with the sound off. The stream is delayed by a few minutes so it’s been great for cues to help prepare stuff to type into the chat about things coming up.

While you guys were still in the meat of this episode, I casually glanced over my shoulder and saw THIS on my TV

Shin in the outfit Leo originally made him for the Prism One.

And just started having a seizure that lasted until the credits ended BECAUSE THEN THIS. THIS RIGHT HERE.

Playing to the left is the theatrical weekly video we got in the third week of Part 4. 

(It has actual dialogue in the theaters, but here they just muted it and laid it over the credits. I went to the theater yesterday JUST to take notes on this for you guys ahaha. Glad I didn’t need to though.)

But like. When I first saw this in the theaters... 

I was so SO sure this was a joke. I mean Prism 2!?! Seriously!? 

But now I don’t know WHAT to think. 

ESPECIALLY ABOUT THIS

But um. Someone tell me the anime references I’m missing here:

And which of these are newly revealed YMT29 boys ahah:

And..... that’s it....

This is Louis’ coded way of telling Shin he’ll love him forever I guess. 

Aw man

you guys

we made it

ROUND OF APPLAUSE 

Ahhhhhhhhhh

ITS BEEN A JOURNEY

So Part 4 turned out way differently than I predicted. When the episodes were first announced and episode 12 was “Unknown”, my immediate thought was “it’s gonna be Shine.” Especially since the quote for Shin’s episode was something like “what have I done,” I assumed he would gain some memories of the past in episode 11 and was talking about something he/Shine did in the past. Then I thought Shine would perform in episode 12 and cause a bad end. Even though we knew Edel Rose was scheduled for a unit performance, I was skeptical if it would actually happen or not as I doubted Shin would be in any condition to perform in episode 12. (I also wondered if maybe we already HAD already seen their unit show in the OP and thus wouldn’t be getting a new song.) 

But when the CDs were announced and I saw the last one said “unit song” I was like.... ohhh.... I guess they will perform as a unit after all? That’s good? 

Turns out I was right at least in predicting that Shine would get a show, but not that he would STEAL SHIN’S SHOW, and that Shin’s “what have I done” quote was about THE PRESENT DAY and something that Shin DID NOT DO. AHHH THE PAIN. 

Although it really cuts me deep that Shin never learns the truth, I am grateful we got that unit show and a happy ending. 

But.... 

OR IS IT? 

says a voice in my head.

Shine’s coming back someday. And we can’t kill him without blanking Shin. Hghkhgkdhlkdh.

If I didn’t know any better I’d say the grand endgame climax of King of Prism would be SeptEntrion teaching Shine to love. But we already know from director spoilers that supposedly the grand climax is about saving Jin. I have a sinking suspicion Shine and Jin may be connected in some way though. 

Who fucking knows where we’re going from now. 

Other than WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON with Jin, another one of my big questions is does the Prism King Cup even matter anymore? Since the Prism One was supposed to replace it, but that didn’t go so well. HAHAH are we REALLY doing the Prism Two come on now..........

But anyway. I suppose there is no point in drawing this out it any further

for now

this is THE END

Thank you all SO MUCH for coming on this journey with me

It’s been such a joy sharing all this with you

And I hope to see you around

SHINY SEVEN STARS FOREVER

EDEL ROSE SPARKING

[hecohansen31]

Like I Never Needed Anyone (Teaser)

Oleg The Prophet+Reader (Modern! AU)

(A/N): Hello there, lovelies!

Ahh this is the fic with which I am entering the “400 followers celebration” (congrats again, sweetie!) made by @youbloodymadgenius (also I wanted to apologize because I forot to say that it was a modern AU; please don’t hate me!).

For once I low key ditched Ivar (I am sorry babe) for Oleg (also GUYS... I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THAT THE ACTOR WAS THE ONE WHO PLAYED DIMITRI IN ‘VAMPIRE ACCADEMY’, another crush of my heart..I... am in love).

As always: if you want to be tagged in the complete fic that will land on Sunday, just like this post!

As always any feedback is more than welcome, even more if you want to see this pairing again!

Have a nice day!

WARNINGS: Self Esteem Issues, Break-Up, Toxic Friends. low key OOC OLeg (I am sorry but when I usually write modern AU, I try to soften the characters, so sorry), Unprotected Sex (WRAP IT UP BABE, YOU ARE NOT MILIONAIRES RUSSIAN PRINCES... I think) Rough Sex (Dom-Sub Undertones), Dirty Talk, Degrading Talk. Oral Sex (Female Receiving), Fingering, Cum Play, Boss-Employee Relationship.

Destiny sometimes worked in the most mysterious of ways.

The day you had been give one of the best news of your life, your boyfriend had decided to break up with you.

That day you had come back home after having been given a role as a curator in a private gallery in Russia, your boyfriend had been waiting for you with his suitcase by the door.

‘Babe did you already pack the suitcase?’ you had joked, bringing him back inside as you caught him in the act of leaving, thinking he might have played you a joke, since you had sent him the message with the good news after you had received them.

No threat ruining your perfect day.

You had been working so hard to gain a work that properly matched with your skills.

The previous year you had refused a job offer abroad because of your boyfriend’s own career since he was slowly setting himself up in his new job and you didn’t want to disrupt the building romance that was growing.

You had been working through unpaid researches and part-time jobs, that didn’t help you feel confident and enough, but you had gone through them thinking about the small life you were creating with your boyfriend, more as a way to get out of the ‘single system’ than for actual love for Peter, your boyfriend.

He wasn’t your true soulmate, but you had long given up finding it, not wanting to fall again into the annoying scheme of being the only ‘single girl’ among your friends.

Also, you dreaded the dating atmosphere of having to listen to egotistical men who thought you would be in their beds by the end of the night and the awkwardness of fresh relationships.

Peter wasn’t a bad man, he wasn’t attentive or romantic as Disney Prince, but you honestly didn’t think that anybody would ever be like that in the era of Tinder and PornHub.

You had started explaining him the details as you moved around the house and Peter sat uncomfortably onto the sofa, but you didn’t notice it, mumbling about your new job as a curator in some kind of private royal galleries of a Russian prince.

He apparently wanted to open some place of his enormous mansion to expose some family ‘heirloomss’ on special occasions and wanted somebody who would arrange it perfectly and create a proper exhibition.

“… I just have a month to get myself ready” you had mumbled, finally looking at Peter, as you moved closer to him “… I know that this is going to take a toll on our relationship, but… I just… this is a great chance for me!”.

“Babe, I am happy for you” he had tried to smirk lightly, but it hadn’t come out as nothing more than a worried frown and you had expected some comment about how far Russia was and how the two months would have been tough and… “… I think we need to talk”.

You had almost chocked on your own breath, knowing all too well that such a comment was made only in couple who was breaking up and, as Peter distanced himself from you, you realized you were that couple.

“I know that you are worried about Russia… but I have been trying to…”.

“It isn’t simply Russia” he replied, his face moved in a convinced pout, as if nothing you might have said would change his opinion “… it’s just… I have just felt like I am wasting myself here”.

Hadn’t you been so shocked you would have gladly punched him in the face for being just an asshole.

“… you are not my true love, we aren’t each other’s soulmate” and again, without the shock effect, you would have gladly told him that it was why your relationship worked, it was what both you had searched when you had gotten together “… this is not what I want in my life, I want to find true love”.

And as he went on with his ‘I am a free man’ speech, you had just looked at him confused: nothing had given you the notion that you were in a crisis, although maybe you had had to start from the fact that you had never acted as a couple, not putting enough effort and not expecting it.

Maybe, maybe… Peter was right, you had to find your own true love.

And that illusion had lasted for an entire week of crying and self-esteem issues, till you had found Peter on Instagram with his new girlfriend: a tall blonde who looked like the twin of Taylor Swift, which made it extremely difficult for you to hate ‘the tall giraffe’, as you had tried to call her.

But again, each time you saw her stories she was either baking cookies for less-fortunate-kids or writing feminist magazines, which made you question how the freaking hell she had ended up with Peter.

You had almost been glad when you had had to move to Russia, the entire situation there was completely different from and more relaxed from the one back home.

Your friends after your break-up had been low key distant and the sole ways they had tried to comfort you was either to get you to bars or clubs to get you a rebound or presenting you new guys for you to date.

In Russia you hadn’t much to do except work and home, since the mansion you worked in was pretty away from the small apartment you had gotten for your staying of three months and it would take you at least an hour to arrive there.

Also the cold weather had almost killed you your first week, which made you uneasy to go out, although Cristina, your collaborator at the mansion, tried to desperately get you out, but at least she didn’t push out desperate dudes onto you.

‘We are in Russia, Cristina’ you always protested, as she grabbed you and tried to teach you how to ‘rumba’.

‘But you have a proper Latina in front of you!’ she always replied, talking about how she would dance all night back in Barcelona, telling you should visit her just to do that, once you finished working there.

Cristina was honestly another thing for which you were thankful for, although her cheery personality would bump with your most reserved one sometimes, you honestly thought that she helped you to try to keep a positive outlook in life.

And then there was Oleg, your boss.

[sprydecreates]

wedding bells

requested by: no one :)

warnings: angst (break up), language

pairings: shawn mendes x reader

type: headcanon/list; gender neutral (doesn’t use any pronouns)

summary: after a brutal break up, shawn is there to pick you up, and then some.

a/n: i know.... i keep weaving in and out of tumblr...... oh well. had this idea in mind and i really liked it. hope it’s not too bad ♡

flash back friday

you and shawn met in elementary school due to a school project called flat stanley, where you send a little paper character to someone you know and have them take stanley through their lives for a bit.

your family knew shawn’s, and so you two were introduced for the first time.

since you two were kids, you didn’t really have a way to keep in contact with each other.

good thing for you, you two were reunited in middle school, when shawn’s family came in for a visit.

finally, you two were able to keep in contact, and you remained good friends until high school.

until meaning, you didn’t have anyone to bring to prom, and you invited shawn

which, of course, caused a whole cliche like “he saw me walk down the stairs and fell in love”, but deadass. like that’s really what happened. boy seen you all pampered and dressed up, and did the whole “..wow” with the little heart eyes and had that little blushy patch shining through

soon after, he asked how you felt about long distance relationships while on facetime.

hoping he’d take the hint, you said “there’s really only one person i’d see myself with that’s far away” and take him through a “well he’s like eight feet tall, has brown hair and brown eyes, kinda sarcastic but will cry if he thinks he hurt someones feelings, shall i go on?” 

and hes OblIviOus right. genuinely thinks you’re talking about some celeb you’ve stanned for a couple of months. so he’s just like “uh, if you want. you seem happy about him, so i’m glad you’re happy”

and you pull a “yeah, you do make me happy”

WHEW BOEH

this sweetie raises his eyebrows and widens his eyes, Finally realizing you’re going on about him, and he’s like, “huh..?”

“did you seriously think i wouldn’t notice you rubbing little hearts into the back of my hand on the way to prom?”

“i mean yeah but that’s on my side, i didn’t realize that you liked me back??”

“i was sure you’d take the hint when i said i’d love to have a boyfriend like you”

“y/n you Know how bad i am at taking hints”

“yeah, i know, now.”

and that started the talking phase, which only lasted Maybe a month and a half before you two started dating.

you and shawn dated from senior year up until freshman year of college.

you stayed in your own state because of the in-state tuition, and shawn stayed in canada to be closer to his family

because you two were now considered to be in the ‘real world’ and actually had to fend for your own in a sense, you two became super busy, and rarely got a chance to speak to each other.

this eventually lead to you two breaking up, as you couldn’t keep up with each other at this speed, and distance.

you both agreed to give each other some air, and continue talking when the other had enough time to heal.

but, out of fear that the other hadn’t had enough time to get themselves together, neither of you contacted the other and the friendship fell through.

present time

two years have passed, and you are now in a relationship with your fiance.

yes, you read that right. f i a n c e.

you didn’t necessarily think it’d happen, either.

after your friendship with shawn fell through, you downloaded tinder, and matched with (y/f/n). you decided “eh, why not” and now you’re here.

you didn’t really even want to marry this dude this fast, but he brought you to a popular and packed, expensive restaurant with his entire immediate family, and popped the question while using a microphone. how fun, totally not anxiety driven and absolutely not embarrassing :)

but, since shawn, you were having doubts of finding someone else. so, this was like a last shot for you, in a sense.

but, here you are, and it’s about four months from the wedding date.

nothing is written in stone, apart from the venue

you were going through your contacts, finding out who you were going to invite.

down the line, shawn popped up.

what were you going to do now?

you wanted to invite shawn because, hello, he had been apart of your life since  e l e m e n t a r y  s c h o o l. you couldn’t just marry someone and ten years down the road bring it up like “hey yea sorry about not inviting you :/ thought it’d be awkward ://////”

but then again, your fiance was well aware of your history with shawn. it’s not like he was going to leave you at the alter if shawn came, but you were still a bit iffy considering (y/f/n) is a little insecure when it comes to you talking to other guys.

despite feeling off about you, you decided to message shawn anyway, and inform him of whats going on

2:43 PM: “hey shawn!”

2:51 PM: “(Y/n)?”

2:53 PM: “yeah?”

2:57 PM: “Hey! I was just making sure this was still your number. I didn’t have it deleted on purpose, just got a new phone about two months ago.”

3:04 PM: “no problem, sorry we haven’t talked in a bit. how are you?”

3:10 PM: “Pretty good, how are you?”

3:13 PM: “i’m doing well, i actually just got engaged not too long ago!”

3:35 PM: “Oh, yeah, I noticed that. Congrats”

3:40 PM: “:( you okay?”

4:15 PM: “Just confused as to why I’m being told this like four months since it happened.”

4:20 PM: “I wanted to tell you, i just didn’t know how to bring it up in a normal conversation. that and my fiance is a bit weird about us talking.”

4:24 PM: “What do you mean weird?”

4:28 PM: “he just gets freaked”

4:33 PM: “Lol I don’t know why he’d get upset at you messaging me just to tell me that you’re getting married to him. Seems like he’s scared.”

4:39 PM: “idk. anyway, i was wondering if you’d like to be invited?”

the conversation went on for half the evening before you both said goodnight and went to sleep.

you were woken up by (y/f/n) standing over you with your phone in his hand.

“(y/f/n)? what is it?”

he had his eyebrows raised in a ‘caught you’ type of way, peering down at you and practically shoving your phone into your face, “what’s this about shawn?”

you let out a short but forceful breath through your nose, “what about it? and why are you in my phone-”

“‘can’t wait to see you’? ‘i think he’s scared’? what the fuck is that about?”

you were sat up in your bed by now, as he had spent the night at your place, “what the fuck about it, (y/f/n)? he used to be one of my closest friends, i’m not going to skip out on inviting him-”

“oh but you don’t back me up when he thinks i’m scared of him? or when he talks shit about my family?”

“all he said was he figured you proposed that way?! why are you freaking out over this?”

“why aren’t YOU freaking out- you know what. i’m gonna head out.”

and with that, he left.

a few weeks and after several arguments later, you officially changed your relationship status to ‘single’ on facebook.

shawn was one of the first to message and ask if you were okay.

you explained everything that had happened, and how you drunkenly figured out (y/f/n) had hooked up with his ex because “if you get to fuck someone else so do i”. even though   . you and shawn haven’t been face to face in like two years  . ok

not even a week later, shawn was at your front door with two weeks worth of clothes packed.

the first few days were reserved for him to kind of hold you, and make sure you were alright. you were sad it was over, and angry that he cheated and used an assumption to do so.

on the third day, though you finally opened up about the situation that lead to the breakup.

you and shawn were on your couch, and it was about midnight. you had been on the topic of busted relationships, and that’s when you felt like it was appropriate to complain, “i’m just, so, confused? like i don’t know what went wrong with it.”

shawn, who had always been real with you, decided to add his opinion in, “he wasn’t ever right for you, from what all you’ve told me.”

you sighed and shook your head, waving your hands in a defeated motion, “i know, he wasn’t ever my type. it’s just, we made a life together,” shawn made a disapproving hum, but kept his words to himself, “and yeah he was kind of a bitch, and his family was really weird and acted like they were better than me, and,” you continued for roughly fifteen more seconds before shawn interrupted

“(y/n), do you hear yourself?” he held his hand sternly against his half crossed legs. you didn’t speak, as you thought he would continue, “you sound like you were living in an imaginary jail cell. there’s more bad than good about him, and i get that usually happens after a breakup, but i’ve heard what, TWO good things about him since i’ve been here? if he’s as bad as you make him seem, which i completely believe, then you’re better off without him.”

you held your head down, staring at the floor while shawn continued on, and spoke softly when he was finished, “i know i probably am, i just can’t wrap my head around why he cheated. he was supposed to love me, and i feel like it was my fault this all ended-”

“it wasn’t ever your fault (y/n).”

“i just-”

“no, listen to me. this man proposed in front of his family because he knew you’d get nervous and say yes so you wouldn’t cause a scene. then when he realized you wouldn’t obey his every order, he didn’t want you anymore. he wanted you to say you were a fixer upper and that HE was the one to help you. but you helped yourself, and he hated that. he literally left you out of nowhere JUST because you invited me, someone you hadn’t spoken to but for mere minutes each year to wish me a happy birthday or new years. then he immediately went and hooked up with an ex, that didn’t you say he lied about talking to at the start of your relationship?”

“yeah but-”

“i don’t mean to interrupt all the time, but there’s not any buts to be had. he realized you weren’t going to be his trophy wife, and he resorted to his ex, who he knew would be there. you’re better off, (y/n). it might take some time, but it’s true.”

you sat in silence for a couple of minutes, taking in all that shawn had said. and, he was right. that piece of shit left you, YOU, all because you invited your ex to an event that bounded you and your fiance together. so, fuck him, and everything he made you go through.

the rest of the night was spent with you and shawn making fun of (y/f/n).

what the future holds

next thing you knew, you and shawn had graduated from college, and (y/f/n) proposed to his ex. but you hadn’t been thinking about him much, especially since shawn had gotten back into your life.

you two were actually looking through apartments up in michigan, and planned to move in with each other by july.

now, you two did this in order to ‘save money’. in reality, two months passed and you two started to catch feelings, again. whooooo would’ve guessed that was going to happen?

regardless, you didn’t mind, and shawn certainly didn’t either.

come to find out, your relationship status changed to ‘in a relationship’ with shawn not even six months after moving in with each other!

your relationship was really sweet, to say the least.

lots of reassurance from shawn, most of the time it was random

temple kisses while you were working on something for your internship to let you know he supported you

really careful and patient when you were stressing out

little “i love you”’s at the most random times. kind of like extra greetings from kurtis conner

tons of showing off, something (y/f/n) never really done

shawn was Extra. like he made a while ass snapchat story dedicated to you because he couldn’t get enough of you

his headers on his social media were always related to your relationship

just genuinely heart warming things

continuation of the heart tracing on your hand (you later on got a tattoo of a heart on the hand he held the most)

he’d get shy when you’d compliment his singing, which would usually happen when he’d serenade you in the floor at night, and he’d have that same blushy patch appear right before he’d hide his smile in the crook of your neck

while sitting next to you, if he couldn’t see your entire side profile, he’d always move your hair and tuck it behind your ear. he also liked to do this thing where he rubbed your ear after doing it

you knew you loved shawn, and he knew he loved you.

like, this dude has loved you for years. of course it dwindled and changed as you both grew, both apart and grew, but he always felt something.

so, it wasn’t a surprise when this conversation took place one night, you both sat on the couch as the background noise of the tv filled the room while you worked on a project, and he was writing a song that’d be for you when it was finished.

“hey, (y/n),” shawn said, a bit lower than the tv’s volume.

“yeah?” you answered monotone and focused on the finishing touches of your project.

he had been staring at you with those soft eyes, so his tone came out a bit more soft too, “let’s get married.”