#correction: you can bully your brain into writing but you can't bully it into writing WELL

[greenerteacups]

Long ask ahead! Sorry in advance for my rambling!

I’m a huge fan of Lionheart! (Latest update got me furious btw, your Umbridge characterization is amazing; i need. Revenge. the woman is vile)

my long ask today is on the topic of writing fanfics, or beginning to; i’ve been a fan of hp for a longish (?) time (i am currently in my first year of college, so since elementary school) and i want to start dipping my toes in writing fanfics, esp dramione. problem is, i have all these grand plans and ideas but i struggle with motivation and perfectionism — especially perfectionism. this has been a long standing problem on my end, but if every line is not to “my standard, or “perfect”, i feel deeply dissatisfied and i find it impossible to move on. i’m also very flighty — i get distracted easily, and lose momentum. i have so many ideas that i want to try out that i end up having a plethora of projects, none with a resolution. do you deal with this? what are your biggest struggles with writing? how do you move past them?

i also would like to say that i know that you’ve stated that writing is all for fun, but if you were to get published, i would 100% buy! i really hope you’re doing something in the creative industry, because really, your writing is amazing.

Hey, what up! Thanks so much!

If you'll permit a bit of tough love: it sounds like you don't really like writing those projects. There are a lot of reasons someone might leave a project, but when it comes to free hobby writing, if you've abandoned something, Occam's Razor, it's because you don't want to do it anymore.

And BTW: that's fine. You're not legally obligated to finish stuff. You're not under contract. If you're a hobby writer, your sole obligation is to have fun and please yourself. I've written tons of stories without middles or endings; I've got dozens of 3 or 4-chapter would-be longfics sitting on my drive, with absolutely no intention to finish them. I'm totally fine with that. This is something I do for fun. Why would I bully myself about not being sufficiently "productive" in something I'm doing for fun?

But it sounds like maybe you want to finish a fic, and/or see finishing as a prerequisite to publishing, in which case: you need to keep writing a project after you're bored or dissatisfied with it. In fact, I'd go so far as to suggest that you should go back through your drive, find the project you like least, and force yourself to write 1-2 pages on it. Because you are never going to be as pleased with what you've written as you are with the fake perfect story in your head. Even the worst, shittiest, misspelled, poorly plotted story that exists is better than the fake perfect story, because it exists, and is real writing, rather than just being the concept of something that is well-written. Abandoning a story because it doesn't live up to the hype is like refusing to eat because what's on the plate isn't as good as the Platonic concept of a chocolate cake. Like, of course it's not, dude! You didn't imagine it as having flaws!

It seems like you know that, which suggests that you need to force yourself to write something that you don't want to. So try shorter stuff! Writing short stories is a great way to learn the tools of the trade while giving yourself less time to burn out. Make it easy on yourself. And like, remember to forgive yourself. There are some things you can bully your brain into doing. Sincere and authentic art is not one of them.

[misc-obeyme]

MC Looking Fabulous

This was another request from @oakley-tree1 for an MC who normally wears casual clothes showing up to a party looking fabulous. Since I usually do GN!MC, their outfit isn't described at all, just the brothers' reactions to it. I enjoyed writing this! Thank you for the request!

GN!MC

Warnings: None.

Lucifer

Can’t keep his eyes off of you. He wears a suit all the time, aside from the RAD uniform, so it’s pretty obvious that he appreciates fancy clothes. While he has no issue with your casual outfits, this one has caught his eye in a way the others did not.

Doesn't come to your side right away. Instead, he will watch you as you move about the room. You can feel his gaze, but it isn’t unpleasant. It makes you feel a little tingly.

Will only be able to stand it for so long, watching you chat with other people. His pride forces him to appear at your side. And he knows how stunning the two of look standing together. Comments on parts of your outfit, especially if you've worn something he gave you as a gift.

Doesn't really ask you to dance, just sort of leads you out to the dance floor. You don't resist, letting him guide you through the steps. He pulls you close to him. You've really caught his attention tonight, MC. Don't think he'll be letting you go any time soon.

Mammon

Loses his mind. Manages to control it to some extent, but it’s gonna be hard for him. Especially if you’ve done something obvious like dressing in gold or wearing something he got for you.

Mammon is fashion conscious so he truly appreciates the outfit you’ve put together. Knows every brand and every piece of what you’re wearing by sight.

But he’ll only kind of babble about that stuff because what he’s really interested in is you. He’s constantly touching you all night, putting his hand on your back or shoulder, standing close enough that your bodies are just barely pressed together. Won't let you spend too much time talking to anyone else.

Wants to dance with you so bad. When he's got you close to his chest, he'll be honest. Don’t get him wrong, MC! The Great Mammon loves how ya look tonight, but know that he loves ya no matter what you’re wearin!

Leviathan

Oops. You broke him. His brain has shut off. You might get it to restart again if you talk to him. Distract him by saying something wrong about TSL on purpose so he’ll snap out of it to correct you.

While Levi’s clothing knowledge mostly involves cosplay, he still knows quite a bit and he’s impressed with your look. Considering how you normally dress, this was completely unexpected.

M-MC, would you consider being a cosplay model for him later? Your outfit has given him a ton of ideas for characters you could dress as. He wants to take all the pictures of you.

You might have to bully him into dancing with you. Isn't that a thing that normies do?! But he'll give in, of course. Spends most of the time in disbelief that he has someone like you dancing with him.

Satan

At first, it's hard to tell what his reaction is. Keeps his cool, unlike all of his brothers. Doesn't freak out, doesn't get weird. But when you come up to him, he tells you directly how good you look and he says it in such a poetic way, you find you're the one swooning.

Since you've likely worn a lot of things you received as gifts, he notices every detail. Remembers who gave you what and for what reason. Of course he's touched if you wear something he gave to you.

Although he is calm on the surface, his heart is pounding. He can't stop himself from saying things he probably wouldn't say normally. Like how brightly your eyes are shining. The way you look like you stepped out of a painting. Please, won't you dance with him, MC?

Of course you can't resist such a beautifully worded request. You can feel everyone watching the two of you. He knows you look spectacular together, out there on the dance floor. But he's focused on you, guiding you through the steps, keeping you close.

Asmodeus

Swoons. Absolutely loses his balance, has to be held up by whoever is closest. Once he's regained his senses, he rushes to your side, gushing about how you look. The colors! The lines! The attention to detail! Your face! Your hair! Oh he's fallen in love with you all over again.

He recognizes every piece of clothing that he gifted you. Tells you he's so impressed with the way you've combined his gifts into the most beautiful ensemble he's ever seen! Even though you normally wear such casual clothes, he knew you could pull off a glamorous look!

Of course you look amazing standing beside him. Takes a million selfies. Gets someone else to take a ton of pictures of the two of you from afar.

After all the commotion, though, Asmo is going to insist you dance with him. He's stronger than he looks and he guides you effortlessly across the dance floor. Something changes slightly in his gaze as you move. Be careful, MC. You're looking so delicious tonight.

Beelzebub

Hang on. Is that… MC? You look so different than you normally do. He's so surprised, he stops eating. He had been by the buffet table of course but now he's quickly moving to your side.

He doesn't know how to articulate how good you look. He really likes your casual clothes, but it's nice to see you in something so drastically different. And for some reason, he's not even thinking about food right now. He tells you all this with a soft blush.

He's more than ready to dance with you. You make quite the pair, wowing everybody present as you do some fancy moves. Beel lifting you and twirling you and never once losing his grip on you. You feel safe in his arms as you move around the dance floor.

Carries you back to the buffet table where he wants you to try all of the tasty things laid out for the party. You happily join him as you've now worked up an appetite from all that dancing. He's so happy to watch you eat, he almost forgets to eat himself. Almost.

Belphegor

Shocked. Quietly shocked, but shocked nonetheless. He had no idea that you, who always wears such casual comfy clothes, could put together an outfit that looked so fabulous.

Acts like he's uninterested, but actually ends up beside you pretty quickly for such a lazy demon. He doesn't need to say anything, you can tell from the way he's trying to contain himself that he's having feelings. When he does say something, it's to comment on how he's amazed you could clean up so well.

Although he's not normally the type to want to dance, he asks you. He can't resist wanting to hold you close when you're looking like this. Although his stamina isn't great, Belphie is actually a good dancer. He gracefully guides you through the moves, surprising everyone present with how stunning the two of you look.

Sneaks you away to an outside balcony where he can sit with you beneath the Devildom stars. You are the brightest star tonight, MC. You outshine everyone here.

masterlist | part 2 with the side characters | Thank you for reading!

[tragedytells-tales]

Brooo I love your writing so much!! It’s literally so great😭 can you write the brothers (or just Lucifer and Satan if that’s too much) with a teen!mc (platonic obv) that is VERY gen z. Like if they’re able to have their phone while in Devildom then they would constantly be talking about stupid internet drama while using strange terms. They know the stuff they say is weird but that just encourages them to be even more unhinged and chaotic. I just thought it’d be funny :) thanks if you decide to do this!!

"I hear you loud and clear! My apologies for this taking so long, I was only able to come up with something for Lucifer and Satan."

--------------------------------------

Lessons in cringe culture

Notes - Teen!MC, Headcanons, Shitpost, comedy just pure comedy

Characters - Feat. Lucifer and Satan

Summary - MC has a few ideas on how to make these ten million years old demons more modern. Are they good ideas? Who knows and who cares

Warnings - Not proof read

TW - None

Lucifer:

[ New word to vocabulary - Gyatt ]

- So MC teaches him gyatt. And not actually on purpose, but not on accident either. They had the thought of saying it out loud around him just to see if it would be a good enough substitute for "god" that they could say it without almost smiting the Avatar.

- They had the thought about a week ago and completely forgot about, but they couldn't just sit there silently when they got jumpscared by the newest update to celestialdrop Valley

"You can now drink mayonnaise."

- Either way he is scared of teenagers of MCs variety because he was sitting in pure silence, minding his whole business while MC did something on their phone, until suddenly they screamed from the top of their lungs

"GYATT DAMN?! LEVI YOU WON'T BEEEEELIVE THIS!"

- Not only did they startle him out of his old ten million years aged bones, and dared to swear in his presence, but then before running to show Levi whatever it was that sparked this outburst MC turned to him and asked

"Are you all good?"

"...Yes? Why would I not be?"

- They give him the most evil of smiles before leaving. The smile was so evil that it sent shivers down his spine, for a human it was a devilish little smile that he knew meant nothing but trouble.

- The things he'd give for a single one of his technically adopted family to be normal ( <-- He literally handpicked everyone in the house, and he's no better but he's also the oldest so )

- He asks MC about it later and gets a proper explanation, only thing is that now he can't ground them for the improper use of language because the use of "gyatt" was surprisingly clever and smart

- Damnit MC, stop getting the braincell!

- He genuinely starts using it in secret whenever he wants to say "goddamn", he dare not utter it around his brothers lest they start bullying him

- Jokes on him, he gets drunk and slips up in the group chat!

Satan:

[ New phrase to vocabulary - It's my turn with the braincell! ]

- Speaking of. One would think that because he reads so many things and has so much knowledge and is technically the youngest of his brothers that he would know at least a bit of funky phrases

- He does. He knows Devildom phrases specifically. But he's also stupidly smart, smart stupid if you will, so he takes things MC sometimes says a tad to literal

- So imagine his surprise when they say "Hey, it's my turn with the braincell. I need it for algebra, hand it over!!!" While studying with their friends

- If you imagined very, very surprised then you are correct

- Aka: he's worried about the amount of concussions MC must've had for them to lost so many brain cells that they need to borrow and take turns with them from others

- He would've also questioned where and how they’re getting the brain cells they’re borrowing if he weren't so concerned in the first place

- He genuinely asks them what kind of brain cells are they missing to see how he can help

- They tell him "My brother in christ, I'm simply jesting about" and now he thinks MC is a sickly Victorian child with a lack of brain cells who got cursed

- Congratulations MC, you've tricked the smartest person in the house, but at what cost?

- The cost of him texting the group chat that MC has lost brain cells and needs to borrow some, that's what. All because they're too busy laughing to properly explain, and now Levi and Belphi are clowning on everyone else because they ALL fell for it too

- The price of living with beings who are over ten million years old is a steep one

- He steals the phrase and instantly starts telling his brothers to borrow brain cells btw, he's adapting

- He's been stealing phrases from MC for a while now, but this one is his favorite

- ( They taught him "fuck this thing, fuck that thing, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool-" last week, they’re not allowed to be friends anymore )

AN - The idea of teaching Lucifer "gyatt" made my lungs hurt, but then the thought of Asmo learning "down bad", Beel learning "bussin", and Mammon learning "L + Ratio + you fell off + fatherless" also made me lose it. I just wasn't sure how to go about that. ( Also thanks for the compliment!!! I hold it ever so gently,,, )

[verosikastrikerstellaexcuser]

Hi. same anon that just started watching Helluva Boss here. I just finished the Harvest Moon Festival

AND LET ME FUCKING TELL YOU- Striker is so amazing I love him so much. I want to strap him to a chair and disect his brain (affectionatly) he's so interesting, and I love his personality and skjaksjskakaaksdj. Can't believe Blitz passed up on a great opportunity like that, I would absolutely team up with that man and make out kill a certain blue bird.

UGH I'm not looking forward to seeing them ruin my boy. I'm actually kinda glad I'm already had already gotten spoiled about the show, so I won't have to suffer through the 'wtf, they unexpectedly retconned this character', cause I'll already know. But regardless, I'm not looking forwards to that. time to just pretend that none of the weird shit later on is real and just like. Blitz halucinating or something.

also I'm already tired of the Moxxie bullying. Its already getting old and its only episode 5. and i KNOW that its not going to be better later on. poor Moxxie man. just give the guy a break.

(also Stella, i love you, you can do whatever you want, absolutly. but maybe don't talk about wanting someone to assasinate your 'husband' when HE'S IN FRONT OF YOU. like girl- whatever, she slayed tho)

Striker is so fun in every way and first seeing him, his initial addition, man it was so good I don't even have the words to express it properly. A more serious antagonist that ramped up the discussions of classism in this show, that was clearly a very bad guy but that made very correct points, and that caused there to be cool fight scenes? SIGN ME UP! Too bad the discussions of classism got a little too real and the writing staff got cold feet and had to flush it for St*litz -_-.

Stella screaming about killing St*las in front of him was honestly actually a favorite scene for me, largely because you can see he has no idea whats going on. And Stella knows that. She knows how detached from the family he is, that hes completely learned to tune her out, that she can scream about killing him at the top of her lungs, at the dinner table, and he still won't hear her. Its part of the writing that was genuinely so impressive in S1, little moments like that said so much for what they were. I really do feel like S2 lacks being able to create more subtle yet still cleverly character packed moments like this. S2 outright tells you whats going on instead a lot more.

And yeah the Moxxie bullying. You really feel it watching HB. Its so excessive for no reason, I really hate it. ESPECIALLY now in S2. When St*las exhibits the same behaviors, for some reason when they come from him they're taken seriously, instead of him getting HAHAHA slapped around for it. Moxxie seeing the best in people = STUPID IDIOT, Moxxie liking "theatre kid" interests = LOOK HOW OBNOXIOUS HE IS, but then when St*las like soap operas omg hes so lonely and sad and endearing! His pain is so serious! Its so ugh...

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

I like your blog but I was disappointed to see you say it would ever be okay for Zutarians to have Katara and Zuko cheat on Aang and Mai in their fics if they acknowledged it is bad. Somethings can't be done right and need to just be kept out of any story. It's completely disrespectful to the Kataang and Maiko fans.

Also if I were you, I'd block the anon who said they could understand the appeal of Zucest even if they claim not to ship it, and in case you don't know, a blog you reblog from a lot hello-nichya-here likes that cursed shit so there's another one for your block list. Incest is gross and immoral even if it's fiction, and you'd be better off not interacting with that kind of people.

Buddy, I'm brazilian. I was raised on soap-operas. If I gave people shit for enjoying any media that involves the main characters selfishly cheating on their partners to be with each other, I'd be the world's biggest hypocrite. That kind of stuff is an easy source for drama, and it will always be part of romance stories - regardless of the quality of said romances.

As for it being disrespectful to Kataang and Maiko, yeah, I could see it, but only if it's combined with a bunch of slander towards these characters, and pulling stuff like "How I Became Yours" did by saying Mai was a terrible, abusive person for being angry that her husband cheated on her, or if it's shit like Zutarians constantly harrassing shippers about how Aang/Mai is totally being cucked. But if they're just writing as a source for drama in a story, without demonizing the characters that are clearly being screwed over by Zuko and Katara, I don't mind it.

Also I fully disagree with you on the "Somethings can't be done right and no one should write them." No topic should be forbidden in fiction, and what people should discuss is "Does this make narrative sense?" not "Is this a morally correct thing for people to do?"

How would that even work for the Avatar fandom anyways? "Sure, the original show is literally about war and genocide, and it is constantly praised for having an imperialist prince redeem himself and befriend the people he sent a hitman after, but if we write characters doing immoral things like cheating or sleeping with a relative THAT is going too far"

Sounds like one hell of a double-standard to me. And I've literally said it in my pinned post: This blog exists solely to point out the kind of behavior that made Zutara become such a hated ship, not to bully people that are just minding their business, or to tell them what tropes they are allowed to like. I don't like the idea of Zuko and Katara together at all, especially not with it involving them hurting Mai and Aang. But if the people writting these stories weren't constantly forcing it down everyone's throats, I wouldn't mind them adding that trope to every single fic they wrote.

As for the second part of your ask, I guess there's only one way for me to make my stance on Zucest VERY clear, so you and anyone else who could be bothered by it can decide if you want to keep following this blog:

Hello, Nichya here. I'm not going to use this side-blog to block my main, as I feel it would be kind of pointless to block myself considering the content in both accounts is coming from the same brain.

And see Zutara fans? It's super easy to only bring up your OTP when it is relevant to the conversation and without trying to force other's to like it, and it tends to get you far less hate too, no matter how "problematic" your ship is.

[seoafin]

hi Morgan! I hope everything's going well! I just wanted to stop by because, aside from ddao/fic updates, I really enjoy reading your posts & your blog in general (you're literally .. the stsg writer to me but i swear. this isn't going to be another ask abt me complimenting your work, I must be getting boring 😂) so I just thought of sending something in to have a chat but please feel absolutely free to ignore me if I'm bothering you or if you're busy :)) !

I've only now seen the rude asks you got recently (i've been living under a rock due to exams, sigh) and the Gojo hate anon had me flabbergasted . . as a Gojo girlie/fucker/everything myself (and a Gojo bullying lover. he 100% deserves it 🤩) the honesty left me speechless 😭.  Not to mention the person who rated your fic when bookmarking it on AO3 .. ?!?! that was so incredibly disrespectful. Maybe I'm naive but I could have never imagined it was a thing before coming back to fandom spaces - you aren't the first author I see pointing out this behavior from readers on the site .. I think it's just insane how people can be so gratuitously rude (and allow me to add tasteless. the 3/10 was definitely personal).

I've also seen your more recent posts about not wanting to write the next Gojo scenes in ddao (tbh i get that. he is the character I struggle to write the most & in general .. he is the hind of person he is yk what I'm saying 😂) but I'm glad you're finding some motivation to work through it! please stay strong 😂!! What do you think is the hardest thing abt them for you? As a writer, or personally, either point of view is fine! is it anything in particular like the dialogue .. any part of the writing process, or is it him in general (that would be an incredibly valid answer too 😂)? I personally find him pretty hard to write - it's likely a personal limit, but especially when some kind of romance or pining is involved. I mean the dynamics are probably already going to be some flavor of messed up and chaotic when he's in the picture (especially with Geto) .. hence why I think if I was in rip!mc's shoes i think I wouldn't have survived the mess 💀. He definitely wouldn't be helpful at all in such situation .. Geto is just so much better at presenting and promoting himself to others than Gojo is, despite being equally messy and messed up behind the facade. Which is a fairly obvious statement. But what makes him hard to deal with is the fact I think Gojo would likely open his mouth and say something outta pocket/offensive and/or misleading about his feelings and then act frustrated about how you can't see he's insanely pathetic about you. He might even think he's being obvious but he's actually being insufferable and in a way that would make anyone's brain hurt lmao. As of now, I think he somewhat tends to erroneously apply the same logic he applied to his relationship with Geto - except it's obvious their case was an exception to the rule (hence why he just creates more chaos and misunderstanding) .. he regarded him as a peer more than he did with anyone else,, and I also think Geto was more used to his bullshit than anyone else could be (re: your manipulation tactics post .. their love language is psychological warfare. so true). But this is my take and it's likely not 100% correct so I'd love to hear your thoughts if you wish to share any! I've actually been loving your characterization of him. It's been refreshing in the sense that I think especially a Geto stays!AU Gojo but also in general a younger version Gojo would've been a pain to be around and I think you really delivered that feeling well!

Also - I love every time you get a message with people telling you abt how you turned them into Geto fuckers. As a Geto hater (i want .. to kiss .. him ......) I can safely say I did that to myself too - it's inevitable. I started writing for him because I wanted to get rid of the thoughts but it backfired. I slowly turned myself into a fucker. truly dug my own grave. that's what he does to people 💀💀 !! I remember you saying how you wouldn't stand him irl (am i right .. ? I can't find the specific post so i hope i'm not making a huge gaffe right now LMAO) and tbh i think I wouldn't be able to stand both him and Gojo irl. I would literally have eyes only for Shoko. the only woman ever. sigh

Soo yeah, this is it for this silly ask! I hope this message finds you well - in the meantime, keep up the good work and have a good day😊!!

HIIIII sam <3333 LMAOOO YEAH THAT 3/10 WAS PERSONAL 😭

with gojo it's not rlly him that's difficult i think im just finding it increasingly difficult to write for a character that im not as personally invested in. at this point writing gojo is more of a habit than anything. i've been writing him for ages so i know the way i want to write his character and everything about how i characterize him so it's mostly free sailing now!!!!! im actually really excited for the expanded HI arc in the anime so i can recontextualize my fics through the added info and sashisu interactions in the anime!!!!!!

oh yeah i think gojo is definitely a bit blind to the nuances of other people and/or considerate in a way that comes off as inconsiderate (his treatment of ijichi). also he and geto just.....fell in love. and i like to think falling in love with each other was even easier than becoming friends. one day it just clicked. they understood that they loved each other the entire time so there was no need for an extended courtship. i think in regards to stsg's relationship there really was no big change. a lot of things actually stayed the same lmfao.

ripmc is difficult because she actually needs like....articulation of their feelings and something more than just patience. softness maybe. also where geto just intrinsically understands, the last thing gojo actually wants is to detail every single thing he loves about not just rip!mc but geto too. geto probably teases it out of him anyway LMAO gojo is still kinda mortified at his early behavior and treatment towards rip!mc although he has apologized for his antagonism. i just KNOW it keeps him up at night 😭😭😭😭😭😭 he's still growing out of his immaturity. geto never left. the blue spring goes on for longer. he gets to be a teenager for a little longer. you know!!!!!

[gaypiratebrainrot]

Man. I have SO many thoughts about the secret fic. I am utterly fascinated. I read it all last night and want to reread to get my head around it. But just initial thoughts here:

I've seen in some of your responses to questions that it is partially an exploration of your own discomfort with RPF and that the backlash is part of the art and like - bravo. Yes. I can't help but see all of the outrage on Twitter and remember that these are the same people who:

•Harass and bully Rosie Darby constantly and screenshot/post her tweets to be mocked for the people in the fandom she has blocked

•Create and pass around nasty memes of Rita Ora

•Speculate about Rita and Taika's sex lives/assume he just uses her for sex

•Openly talk about the sex acts they'd like to do to these two actors

•Incorporate details about real actors into their fictional versions constantly

•Ship Anton/Viago because they're played by the same actors as Stede/Ed

•Draw graphic porn of these actors using references of their real bodies with their real faces

•The list goes on

And I don't bring this all up to play the blame game or justify RPF (although I think the shit with Rosie and Rita is insane and so embarrassing) because in my old age - I think I deep down am not comfortable with RPF even though I have not shaken the temptation yet. I bring this all up to say that the righteous outrage seems to be coming from a lack of self-awareness and just a lot of folks who are really clinging to the idea that their version of fandom is Right and Good. I guess my point is that I think all fanfiction/fanart/fandom is somewhere on the spectrum of invasiveness and most people refuse to accept that about their own art because we're all convinced we're the good guys in the story. And it doesn't help that this fandom seems particularly hellbent on finding bad guys.

ANYWAYS

Amazing job. Totally original and fascinating. Truly. Really proud you published it and are weathering the storm. If you need to talk about anything or are having a tough time w/ the backlash, feel free to message me <3

hi!! thank you so so much for this amazing message!! i'm so delighted that people besides me are able to appreciate the bonus meta built into the backlash, it's giving me insane brain vibes lol.

i did about fifty million meta levels of analysis on my own discomfort while writing this fic and am full of thoughts. i have no desire to say that fiction about real people is good or bad because i honestly just don't think about the world that way anymore. what i can say is that fiction about real people exists, has existed probably as long as language/storytelling, and will very likely always exist.

human beings talk about each other. we tell stories about each other. gossip is probably as essential to humanity as dance or music. it is an incredibly uncomfortable reality that every single person who knows you has a version of you in their head that you have no control over. that we all exist as our own embodied experience AND as all of the ways we are perceived. one of the more challenging aspects of being a human, i'd say.

to be a celebrity, or have any kind of audience, is to increase the number of heads you exist in, and as i am presently experiencing for the first time on a small scale between the last fic and this one, this comes with all sorts of uncomfortable, messy problems.

however, the other function of this fic is as a free speech tool. let's say we decide the uncomfortable mess of real person fiction is harmful enough to ban it from being published, either on Ao3, or within our legal system. would you ban this fic and why? and if you would ban this fic, how much of what parts would i have to change before it would be allowed? who would get to choose the "correct" answer to those questions, and who would be reading the fic and deciding whether or not it fits the "correct" guidelines? do you want to give someone else the ability to make that choice for you?

people would have been more pissed off if i'd used taika's kids actual names. but what if i'd named his kids sasha and malia obama? what if i'd used the trump kids? cause if you're banning real person fiction, all three gotta go.

ultimately, i think the parts of me that are really uncomfortable with what i've written feel like i've been horribly rude and disrespectful to the people i love, and honestly, i feel like there's some truth to that. it's just one truth among many, many, many other simultaneous truths, including my belief that the wrestling i did in writing this is important and worthwhile wrestling, and i'm absolutely ecstatic to see i was able to inflict that wrestling upon so many of you <3

[bylightofdawn]

Man, I hope people don’t mind random-ass perspective shifts in a chapter because this one has like swapping back and forth between Jaster and Myles pretty shamelessly. I tend to TRY and stick with one POV per chapter but if I can’t, I’ll generally try and swap it at like a major chapter break.

This chapter though it starts out very much from a Myles POV for like….a short bit and then I was like ‘whelp swapping to Jaster. -has him wander out of the room to make a phonecall to Plo- then have him wander back in, speak with Myles and now it’s swapping over to Myles POV for this next part for very important plot reasons.

I myself as a reader, I don’t really care. I DO notice when it’s like a co-written fic where I think people were pretty much just RP’ing and then they just altered it to be a fanfic after the fact. When you can see those major POV shifts from where one author hands off to another. And they don’t quite make the transition as smooth as it could be then I’ll notice cause it stands out sorta like a sore thumb. Again, it’s not anything I’m going to put down a fic for but I do notice those kinds of things.

And typically just for coherency’s sake, I’ll try and stick with one POV for a scene or even an entire chapter.

Then I get outlier chapters like this and get randomly paranoid people are going to notice and or care. And realistically? Who is REALLY going to care about that but me? The neurotic, chronic over-thinking self-catastrophizer that I am?

No one cares, Karen.

And sometimes, you just gotta tell yourself that over and over again until you either believe it or bully yourself into getting out of your own head. Or at times, make it worse and you get stymied cause that 1,000% can happen as well. Ask me how I know?

Seriously, the amount of needless self-doubting and overthinking I will do, ya’ll don’t even see a sliver of that shit show. I will grind to a FUCKING DEAD STOP mid-scene and spend an hour needlessly researching one little point that literally no one but I will notice or care. But can I stop myself from having that almost compulsive need to research and make sure I’m using the right medical term or describing something correctly in hopes one person who might work in that field will notice and appreciate my obsessive need for correctness? Or worse, they are in said field, I fucked it up and then it stands out to THEM as much as a sore thumb?

I cannot be the only person who does this, right?

EDIT: Also? Fanfic writing is not going great this morning, mainly because I am not a morning person so it's hard to fucking FOCUS especially when I'm going on life five hours of sleep to boot.

My brain is an ADHD dragonfly that flits from one topic to another seemingly on a whim. As anyone who looks at my blog and the random amount of reblogs and random bullshit I've been posting the past hour or two can attest.

I'm debating giving up and just taking a shower to try and fully wake up for work because I can barely keep my eyes open and I keep yawning like crazy.

Bleh, sometimes you just can't write and I am trying to get better about being kind to myself when ADHD brain kicks in and I cannot simply sit down and focus on my fic long enough to get more than a few words at a time written.

And that's perfectly okay. It does not make me bad a author or a failure as a writer. I just need to put the fic away and go do something else instead. The words will come eventually.

[wodenscild]

Ahoy! This ask will be a compilation of little thing i wanted to talk about, and found in my notes!

The map was certainly interesting to look at! I love maps 😌 And damm there are a lot of countries in Australia, i knew there were a lot but this much..? I also heard there is a lot of different languages there! Wich is also cool :D

im on the bus and my old bullies is next to me. Hold up imma take some revenge- hehehehehe >:D Enjoy a pride sticker on ye back! He's probably gonna get called out for that- Karma. Really i might seem nice but I'm a little demon when it comes to revenge. >:)

Also i will slowly use a pirate accent cause pirates are heccin' cool, Like i hate oceans but sailing and traveling the world while terrorizing the shores seems pretty fun to me.

YOUR GONNA TALK 'BOUT GENDER?? I AM JEALOUS BUT ALSO great for you matey!! Am happy for ye! ฅ^•ﻌ•^ฅ

I saw Nosouls art and I'm just dhgdhs- One qeustion tho... where is the butterfly i can't find it :( But like hands are so difficult to draw?? How much time does this person have??

[is 1 am and brain not working correct. Word complicated. Thank The Person That Made Autocorrect. Why am writing note right now? Dunno] <- found that in my notes also- wtf was i doing up at 1 am i can't even remember writing that-

:D also good morning! Even tho it isn't morning for ye- Hope ye had a nice sleep! I still have to hunt some nightmares-

Do you know how easy existing is without nightmares? Like i watched a bit if stranger things and i got absolutely TERRIFIED of demo-dogs. Now i just summon them in my dreams and boom! Little lap dog with flower head that will attack enemies!

Sometimes being a lucid dreamer isn't so nice- i have some dreams where i barely have control but the little control i have makes it feel way too real, like its scawy :-;

Yes i misspelled that. That was intensional. (Not) i will not change it. 😌 Hehehehe... I have a plan but i my yard time is up- i will be escorted back to the void now.

-Mystery anon 1

There are so many nations here!! It is incredibly interesting!! Where I live atm is sorta on the border of two lands. Which is quite interesting!! While they are regionally recognised, they don’t have any political significance. Australia is split into 6 states & 2 territories, each of which are divided into smaller electoral districts. Australia used to have many languages spoken! But cos colonialism most of them are extinct, moribund or endangered- the only two big Aboriginal languages I can call to mind are Tiwi & the Yolŋu Matha language family. I also know that Kriol is another language that has a relatively strong community in the Northern Territory & Western Australia too! As the name suggests, Kriol is well… a creole language! Akin to Tok Pisin, which is one of Papua Niugini’s National language (alongside Hiri Motu [another creole language], & English). Creoles start off as a pidgin language, which had expanded into all parts of life (Fun fact, Tok Pisin is literally Pidgin Talk, despite no longer being a pidgin KRFKSK)- pidgins are languages that develop when two groups are who don’t share a language need to communicate. This is possible cos the situation in which people need to talk is typically something like trade (in the case of Hiri Motu), or slave labour (in the case of Tok Pisin & Kriol). The pidgin typically has minimal morphology, & a mix in vocabulary from both languages. Typically pidgins don’t last, dying out with the ceasing of the situation where the language is used, or one group learning the other’s language- but every now & again, the pidgin sticks around. It grows. It expands outside that original context & becomes something that is functional. & before long, children are born speaking that pidgin, & with that, the pidgin grammaticalises & it becomes a creole!! It is an extremely interesting process :00

WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH THEY ARE NOW GAY <33 & THERE IS NOTHING THEY CAN DO ABOUT IT >:3 Also- I didn’t realise it was pirate talk ToT I thought you were just writing like how an Australian speaks & I got really excited DKFKSKSKDKSKDK

Also- after looking again at the art- I realise it wasn’t a butterfly, but two lil ghosts <33 I am just a blind fool lmaooooo but gods I have no idea- they are so talented but aren’t they? 🥺

Also FUCKING FLEX MATE- I love that & am just imaging that now :0 tho hhhhhh that loss of power- that can make nightmares a lot worse ://

I hope school is going well for you <33 I’ll see you later ^•^

[dylanlila]

🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝

for every 🥝 i get, i’ll recommend a blog i love

OOOOOOO I LOVE!!!!! ten emojis -> ten blogs

everything's under the cut ⤵️

@a-dash-in-the-middle resident holden caulfield (just kidding, dash is todd anderson 🥰) you can't NOT like her blog because it is genuinely the most interesting, fantastical, versatile place on earth. it's like if the maze from the shining was starring in a fantasy or sci-fi film instead of a stephen king adaptation. the award for the most original tag essays goes toooooooo. dash always has something thought-provoking and brilliant to say. (even though she doesn't see it that way, but that's why she's todd) maddeningly creative. book recs are her weapons. if you check out her blog you'll probably encounter a bunch of dragons she adopted. (also her son is logan huntzberger 👀)

@brian-ur-bruh THE LEGEND!!!!! steve the hair harrington has nothing on jules. fiercely unique, KILLER MUSIC TASTE, wonderfully artistic and all in all an exceptional person. i call jules jules because of julian casablancas, need i say more? worships the only band ever aka the clash (here's the famous side blog: @capital-radio-three) fantastic guitar player!!!!! (did this amazing cover of "someday" with his band which he should brag about waaaaay more than he does)

@all-seeing-ifer JO MARCH OF TUMBLR!!!!!! the only person who i would trust with jo and laurie. talking with isabel is like sitting on the porch of your childhood house with your best friend, sharing a drink and feeling content with how everything turned out in the end. poetic watching the orange orange orange sunset kind of thing. just pure comfort and all things theatre. never fails to bring a smile on my face and continues to amaze me with their indescribable kindness and cleverness.

@paradigmx soooo easy to talk to. real cool (XTC FAN!!!!!!) and insightful. crazy smart. understands my detail-oriented craziness. will probably end up enriching your watchlist. you thought fox mulder was a fictional character? no, it's @paradigmx

@nightofthelivingpoet THE ROBERT TO MY ZOË!!!!!!! once accidentally bullied her into making a little women side blog. we are both rory gilmore-coded and will probably be crazy about academics all over your dash. say weird stuff like 🌌i love studying🌌. gracie's blog -> an enchanted forest. 99% sure that my rob pattz here is a time traveller. (it's ok i am too 🤭)

@quaffles-with-syrup MY PARTNER IN FANDOM CRIME!!!!! you might be familiar with stephen king's it, but only the two of us GET it yk? the ben hanscom to my stanley uris. immaculate energy. can change the world just by existing naturally. made out of bookish-ly real magic and correct opinions.

@wilsoncology UNDERSTANDS MY LOVE FOR MEDICINE, I AM SMILING SO BRIGHT RN!!!!! i just think of our likestorm-ing sessions and my day is already made. showers me with pictures of lisa cuddy which is the most you can do for tumblr user jochase really. wonderful artist, wonderful scientist, makes amazing edits, reblogs amazing content. don't think they realise how cool they are, but no worries i'll make the entirety of tumblr write poems about my fellow rsl enthusiast so it's fine <3

@crystalclrs is into everything i'm into, i make a profession out of stalking beth's blog (it's not my fault it's basically an art gallery????) could singlehandedly fly the tardis, i'm sure of it

@jonismitchell just thinking about arden's writing is making me tear up :") (check out her substack) every single word that she's written and i read is a part of this captivating, relatable, heartfelt mosaic of all things exceptional i keep in a special brain pocket of mine.

@freakwiththeknifecollection my daily dose of comfort is completely dependent on emily!!!! brighter than a sunflower, kinder than peeta mellark and as cool as jo harvelle. 🥰

[kiiboslostahoge]

Cruelty

Summary: Killua bullies Gon, Alluka is confused, and Nanika betrays Killua, but not in the way you'd think.

Idk why i did this I just- I love Nanika/Alluka, and she's so underrated, and- I promise I'll write a Genshin rq soon, but just...

Lemme fangirl a bit, m'kay?

Warnings: Tickling, Killua and Gon hug in a scene,, Gon simps for nachos/j, but no cusses in sight bc Killua is a good big brother and Alluka, Nanika, and Gon are baby <3

Killua and Alluka had just returned from an incredibly long shopping spree. Wayy too long, if you asked Gon. Although he had to admit, they'd made good use of their time.

The floor was littered with bags containing almost everything the mall had to offer, from chocolate to clothes to crest toothpaste(Alluka had begun to fear for her brother's oral hygiene). The warm, cheesy nachos had really gotten Gon's attention, as he took a second to admire how appealing they looked with the perfect ratio of toppings to chips and cheddar spreaded all over.

Really, those nachos were quite the beauty, with the perfect spread and selection of toppings ensuring that the flavors could be delivered properly through the immense, flavorful cheese and perfectly textured chips, and really, those were beautiful over-

*Click!*

"Wow," Killua giggled, holding up his smartphone, "You really managed to make me look all lame and normal. How the heck does your mouth make bubble-bath foam?" Gon took a look at the smartphone, and to no one's surprise, there was a picture of him drooling at the mouth.

Wait, what??? He was drooling? The bubble bath foam was real? No way! Killua had just photoshopped it! It wasn't exactly like his best/boyfriend needed a reason to get blackmail on people, and he knew by now that even he got the same, cruel treatment! So yeah, apparently someone was surprised by the picture. At lease he knew it was just made up by Killua to find entertainment.

"Don't be mean to Gon, Big brother! I'm sure you're used to bubble-bath foam by now," Alluka mock-glared, confirming that he did drool bubble-bath foam.

No, he justified, maybe Nanika's started calling Killua big brother. She's probably in on his Photoshop gig. Whatever, at least Nanika and Alluka are standing up for me.

"Yeah Killua! Listen to your sister! Or is it sisters? Is Nanika gender-neutral? Oh no, have I been misgendering Nanika? No, someone would've corrected me. But... Have I been misgendering Kite? What is Kite's gender? What is gender and why do we care? Why do we care about anything political? Why can't we just- "

*Flick!*

"Owww... KILLUA!" Gon groaned as he rubbed the now sensitive skin on his forehead.

"Your fault for being stupid, you know! Kite and Nanika can both kick your butts, they'll have no problem telling you what they want you to call them!" Gon expected Killua's mini-rant to end there, but it did not.

"Though I've gotta admit, I'm kinda impressed. As stupid as your rant was, I got to know your vocabulary actually has words with four or more syllables! Wait, do you even know what syllables means?"

"Hmph, well..." The Hunter-Hunter paused for a second, steam coming out of his brain, "At least I can insult people without calling them old or stupid!"

"Says the idiot of a goody-two shoes using 'fiddlesticks' like it's the latest technology in insults!"

"Yeah, I'm a goody-two shoes! I'm such a goody-two shoes that I can't even maul my friends over some plain old choco-robos!"

"Take back what you said about choco-robo kun."

"It's just choco- Ah! K-Killua!" Gon felt Killua's weight on his torso. He tried to push his friend, now his boyfriend, off only to feel an iron grip on his hands.

Damnit, he's just too strong!

"I said, take it back. Or else," The ex-assassin threatened.

"Or else what?"

"Well, Gon, remember what happened this morning?" His best friend(boyfriend) soundded wayy too innocent. Killua was almost always smug, not innocent! Killua usually sounded about as innocent as a cat. Probably because deep down, he was one.

"Yeah I do, what ab- Wait, wait, Killua! Y-You already got revehenge fohor thahat!"

"I think my revenge wasn't good enough. I want some more."

"Hehey, wahahit aha sehecohond!"

"Wow," the Silver-haired (Gon said the hair was grey once, and he still remembered the screeching about color theory after that) teen snickered, "You're really an idiot, you know. I'm not even touching you yet and you're already giggling! Are you hallucinating my hands? The answer doesn't matter, of course, 'cause I'm about to make 'em real!"

Neither of them noticed Alluka's confused mumbling to Nanika.

"B-But, I ohonly dihid it for t-two- AHCK! Wahahait!"

"Hmm," Killua faked consideration, "Nah."

Alluka's confused mumbles increased.

"N-Nohot thehere!" He giggled, noticing Killua's hands moving inwards from his sides to his stomach.

"Gon, you're so delusional it's hilarious," He sharpened his nails ever-so-slightly and scribbled all over Gon's stomach, "See? You're even laughing at yourself!"

"NOHO FAHAIR! YOHOU NEHEVER DOHO THIHIS KIHIND OHOF STUHUFF!"

"Guys?" Alluka's confused rambles came to a halt, as she pouted, "What're you doing? I asked Nanika and she told me she was sure it wasn't dangerous, but I know she was lying!"

"Huh? Alluka, what're you- Oh. Alluka," Killua's tone shifted from confused to weirdly compassionate.

His (boy)friend got off of him and sat down beside Alluka, eyes abnormally full of compassion. Gon was confused for a second, then remembered:

Ohh...

He wanted to murder the Zoldycks. It would be cruel and careless, just like the way they treated their children. Screw the Zoldycks, minus Killua and Alluka. Screw their heads with a rusted nail.

"Alluka, it's not our training, I promise."

"It's really not? B-But, Gon's laughing wildly and begging you to not do things, j-just like..."

"That's just formality. He gets me and I get him, and neither of us feel uncomfortable afterwards. It's not like Aniki's punishments, I promise."

"Then, what are you doing to him?" The worry in Alluka's eyes had faded, but not the confusion.

"Hmm," Killua paused for a moment, seemingly conflicted, "Could you give me your hand?"

Alluka reluctantly agreed, handing over her palm. Her older brother ran a finger over it, causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Nothing's happening, Big Brother. Did you lie to me?"

"Huh?" Killua honest-to-god shrieked, "Y-You aren't- Not even one bit?"

"Aren't what even one bit?" Poor Alluka was ignored by her older brother.

"How..." Killua grumbled, "I'm the only one in the family. Not even Kalluto!"

"... Gon, please tell me what Big Brother is talking about."

"Tickling."

"What's that?"

"Why don't you try running your finger down Killua's back?" Gon barely restrained himself from snickering.

Meanwhile, said Bestfriend/Boyfriend had finally caught on to the conversation and jumped back, grinning. Alluka, bless her poor heart, was looking from Killua to Gon with an incredible amount of confusion.

"Heh, It's not gonna be that easy, Gon. Not everyone's as much of a pushover as you."

"Killua! Just because you always get me doesn't mean I'm a pushover! It just means that you're way too strong!"

"I think it means both of those things," Killua grinned.

For the first time that day, Nanika spoke up.

"Gon, Killua's ears are really sensitive."

"Really? Score!" The green-haired hunter tried to reach his friend, who was now sitting on top of the refrigerator.

"If you want to make him stop talking, frequencies of above 50k hertz are really irritating and something only he ca- Oh. I guess that works as well."

"Nanika!" Killua mock-gasped, "How could you?"

"Sorry, Killua," Nanika actually sounded somewhat sorry, "But poor Gon won't stand a chance without help. What you were doing was like taking candy from a baby! He'll lose all his dignity and want to bury himself in a hole just like poor Mr. Leorio!"

"I'm not a bully! Gon and Leorio both deserve it for always saying embarrassing things!"

"Killua," The slightly older boy has to interrupt at this point, "As awesome as you are, the last few words I said made you blush."

"Because it's embarrassing, idiot!"

"But why?"

"Because it's not true! Why else?"

"B-But, it is true!"

"Is not! Just because I stopped killing people doesn't mean I never did!" His best fri- boyfriend spat out.

"Yeah, but you're still an awesome person!"

Meanwhile, Nanika remained on control purely put of mercy for her poor twin, who was already confused by the concepts of tickling and play-fighting.

"No I'm not! If I'm a good person, then so are the bombers! By your standards, even Piggy's a good person!"

"But you are a good person! You killed because you had to, while everyone else killed because they wanted to! The Bombers just wanted to win the game, and your Otaku brother just wants money!"

"So? I bet I've killed more than all of them combined!"

"Killua," The shadow-faced twin interrupted worriedly, "Alluka and I killed more people than you. Does that make us bad people?"

"No, it doesn't," Killua's voice instantly softened, "You were both bound by rules. If anything, you're the victims of all of the nasty people taking advantage of you."

"Okay, Killua," Nanika seemed reassured, but then she thought for a moment, "But, didn't Kikyo and Silva ask Illumi to make you do it?"

"I could've resisted way earlier than I did," he scoffed.

Gon just wanted to make this conversation end. Killua was too cool to feel this way about himself, after all. The ex-assassin had spared Ikalgo and protected him when he'd lost his Nen and saved him from the aftermath of the Nen contract and saved Zushi from those buttholes trying to pick on him and wayy more! He also wanted revenge. Wait...

That was what had gotten them in this position in the first place! Had he really gotten distracted from his quest to enact vengeance and end up with Killua thinking he wasn't awesome? He had an idea that'd help him get both. As much of his pride as he'd have to sacrifice by cheating in their fights, it didn't matter. Not in comparison to Killua's self-esteem and his need for vengeance after being bullied by his new boyfriend.

"Killua, if we're gonna talk about all of this deep stuff, can't you get off of the fridge? It feels kinda weird talking about morals and their meanings with someone sitting on a fridge."

"Oh," Said boy had apparently just remembered he was still sitting on the fridge, "Sorry. No clue why I was sitting there, the chocolate's all inside the refrigerator!"

Killua jumped off and Gon tried his best to hide his inner smugness.

Perfect.

"So, Gon, what 'morals' were you talking abo-HEY!" The Silver-haired boy found himself pinned to the floor.

"Yeah, that was actually just a trick to get you off of the fridge. Sorry," He wasn't sorry, not one bit. This was all well-deserved.

"B-But, why?" Killua paused in thought for a moment, before finally coming to a realization, "Oh."

He was expecting Killua to be angry, but instead, he got a completely different response!

"I've got to admit, you won this round. But that doesn't mean you'll win the Match," Just as his partner for a few days said that, abnormally large muscles pushed him off, only to freeze in place. Killua stared confusedly for a second, only for Nanika to speak up, holding up her arm to reveal a shadow. Said shadow extended all the way to Killua's arms, effectively rendering them useless.

"Sorry, but Gon does have a point. You keep bullying him and you never let him get you back. You even took a picture of him drooling over nachos!"

"But, How did you..."

"Alluka and I talked long enough for her to accept three requests. Her wish was for me to do anything I wanted that was simple enough to keep the requests at level 1," Instead of an innocent Nanika-like expression, she made a cat-face like Killua's.

Gon felt a chill down his spine as a vision of a male Killua and a female Killua hunched protectively over two stashes of choco-robos filled his mind(Yes, they both had cat-ears and tails).

"Hmph. Go ahead," Killua activated his electrokinesis, sticking his tongue out.

"I've grown used to the feeling, so it won't tickle. You haven't. So, how do you plan on getting me now?"

"I've noticed that your electricity functions differently from actual electricity. Due to your Nen, it isn't affected by regular water! Otherwise, your sweat would've killed you off."

"Yeah, and how's that gonna- Gon, Don't you da- AHAHA GOHON, THAHAT TIHIHICKLES!"

"Now you know how it feels, Killua," he got his tongue off of the ex-assassin's ribs just to stick it out.

Truth be told, Gon wasn't going to be using his tongue. That was just too unfair. Instead, he just wanted Killua to loosen up on his electrokinesis. Considering the lack of electricity of his (boy)friend's skin, it was working.

He quickly moved to run his left index finger over the albino's ear before bringing it and his right hand down to Killua's stomach.

"Eep- Gohon!"

"Yeah?"

"Dohon't!"

"I already told you, you need to know how it feels!" Gon said, narrowly dodging a kick from his friend.

"Noho Ihi dohon't!"

"Why?"

"Behecahauhuse- uhuh, Yohou stahartehed ihit!"

"Ehh? This time you started it!" Because Killua's untrue words made Gon angry, he decided to flutter his fingers over his friend's ribs. It worked everytime and he came up with the idea himself, because he was just really smart like that.

"Ihi wohohuldn't knohow whahat ihit mehehant ihif ihit wahasn't fohor yahoo! Soho yohou staharted ahall ohof thihis- AHAH GOHON! IHIT TIHICKLES!" Gon was unable to stand the fact that his boyfriend was right, and therefore decided to just give Killua a raspberry to the ribs to shut him up. It always came with the bonus of hearing his angelic laughter, too! Besides, he'd had his fill of vengeance for now anyways.

"Yeah, well, I don't wanna hear you pretend you aren't awesome either, Killua!"

Just like that, Killua's blush spread all the way down to his neck, as his embarrassment allowed him to do nothing but groan while desperately trying to hide his face from Gon. Feeling bad, the amber-eyed boy decided to pause the tickling for a bit.

"Killua, are you alright?"

Nothing, just a weird muffled sound. 'Sutopmdiut', what did that mean anyway?

"What did you say? And... now that I think about it," Gon paused his own statement, "Woahhh, your face is even redder up close!"

Killua groaned, "I said, Shut up, idiot. What was the point of that anyways? You already got me back."

"Well, you're too awesome to feel bad about yourself, Killua! So," Gon did some puppy eyes and a pout to make Killua listen to his next words, "Stop pretending that you aren't awesome, please!"

"I-I'm really n-not all that spec- Mph! Gon!" The hunter-hunter took the chance to hug his new boyfriend.

"You're really special, Killua! And you're so cool, and smart, and strong and-"

Gon felt Killua's arms wrap around his own shoulders, despite their immobilized state. Killua just stared confusedly at Nanika, who just grinned and held up her own smartphone.

"Aww, you two look sooo cute together!" She gushed, "But, I've gotta say: You're both so competitive! Was godspeed really necessary for a tickle fight?"

"Oh, You don't know the half of it," Killua said, "One time, I edited a Wikipedia page to win an argument with Gon that I was wrong about."

"Oh, come on!"

[lancetuckershairgel]

Summary: Chris Haven is a high school resource officer who comes across a troubled teen in need of more help than anyone could imagine.

Word count: 1,380

Warnings: language (warnings will be added as the story progresses)

Tag List: @southernbell91 @marvelgirl7 @book-dragon-13 @jobean12-blog @anxiousamandapanda @loricameback @randomfandompenguin @louisianaspell @spacemansam (if you wish to be added or removed in the tag list for this, let me know)

Chris sat in his patrol car parked outside the school building, looking at the front doors with discontent.  Another day of dealing with the fresh hell that awaited him within those walls. Chris liked kids, hell, he even liked his job most of the time but it was those few problem kids that made his job less than pleasant. 

"Just a few more weeks" he sighed, climbing out and walking inside 

Chris was greeted by the office staff and he made some small talk with a few of the teachers before he headed into his office and opened his computer to a slew of emails. Angry parents cussing him for daring to intervene with their child's behavior, concerned mothers going on about bullying, the usual. Not even five minutes into his work day the phone on his desk rang and he couldn't help but groan at the name that appeared on the screen.  

"Yeah?" Chris asked "What's she doing now?"

"Just get down here." 

Chris sighed and made his way down the locker lined hallway, heading in the direction he was needed. He asked already hear the screaming and saw that the principal and a few other teachers were  trying to defuse the situation but the crowd backed away when he neared, a look of relief on the principal's face when she saw him. He entered the classroom and assessed the situation, shaking his head. 

"You wanna get down from there and tell me what's going on?" Chris asked looking up at the teenage girl standing on her desk

"What's going on is a breech of the third amendment!" 

Chris resisted the urge to roll his eyes as he reached for her wrist, helping her down.

"You're housing a soldier?" he asked casually, leading her out of the classroom without incident 

"What? No. I meant the one about freedom of speech." 

"That's the First Amendment, Lucy"

"Whatever." 

 

"Sit."

Lucy sat down with a huff against the lockers, knees pulled to her chest, while Chris got the necessary details from her teacher. After a few minutes of speaking with Miss Alexander, the principal, he motioned for Lucy to join him. Reluctantly she got up and followed him back to his office. Chris sat down in the leather desk chair and leaned back, placing his hands behind his head. Instead of sitting, Lucy wandered around his office, picking up the rubix cube he had sat on a shelf. 

"What happened?" 

"Didn't Mr Furrow already tell you?" She asked, turning the sides of the colored cube 

"I want to hear your side."

Lucy sighed and turned to look at the officer. 

"Let's just cut to the chase and get to the punishment. I know you don't care about my side." 

"Lucy, you know that isn't true. I've always been fair with you. Sit down and tell me what happened." 

Lucy sat in her preferred chair. Not either of the ones across from his desk,  not the beanbag sat next to a bookshelf, but the white saucer chair covered with faux fur. 

"Do you know why I like sitting here, Chris?" 

"No, wh-"

"You never cared to ask." Lucy shrugged "I've always wanted one."

Chris leaned forward, resting his clasped hands on the desk. 

"Right." Lucy continued to turn the cube "Columbus Day is a load of horseshit and I told Mr Furrow that."

"Why is it...that?"

"Its so dumb how teachers aren't allowed to cuss. I bet every one of you swear like sailors when you're not at work."

"It's not appropriate"

"Its stupid. Anyway, Mr Furrow was preaching-"

"Teaching." Chris corrected her 

"Sure, let's go with that. Mr. Furrow was teaching about that asshole Christopher Columbus and how he discovered America. Then he explained why we celebrate Columbus Day, making this guy out to be a hero or something. So I told him he was wrong."

"Is he wrong?"

"Yeah. Columbus didn't discover America, he discovered some place in the Caribbean"

"What place?" 

Lucy narrowed her eyes. She knew Chris' game. He was testing her, making her talk. She hated him for it because she knew he was reading her. He looked at her as if he was trying to deduce everything that was going on in her head and figuring her out and the scary thing was, he usually could figure her out. She twisted the cube in her hand, looking away from him. 

"The West Indies. He thought he was in India, that's why we call Native Americans Indians. He was a racist prick who raped and murdered hundreds of people then took claim over a land that wasn't his"

"You're right."

"I know I am."

"But you can't tell your teachers that they're wrong."

"Why not? Because I'm a kid and they're the adult?"

"Exactly."

"How is that fair?"

"It isn't, but that's the rules."

"Fuck rules."

"Lucy." Chris warned, reaching for a notebook and handing it to her 

"What's this for?"

"I want you to write an apology letter to Mr Furrow."

"Oh for the love of-"

"Just do it and we can both go back to our day."

"Oh I'm sooo sorry to inconvenience you, Officer." 

She rolled her eyes and began writing. Chris answered the emails he had and rescheduled his mentoring sessions he was currently missing. Thirty minutes later Lucy placed the notebook on Chris' desk, along with the rubix cube. Without another word, she left Chris' office and he raised his eyebrows, picking up the brain teaser and pursing his lips.  

"Smart kid." He mused, turning the cube in his hand to see that she had figured the puzzle out, all six sides one solid color. He placed it back on his shelf without messing it up and went on about his day. 

Before working at the high school Chris worked at a juvenile detention center. As a former troubled teen, he felt drawn to these kids that just needed a guiding hand. He'd met  a lot of these kids over his years as a cop, but never anyone quite like Lucy. Lucy was opinionated, strong willed, and didn't take crap from anyone. When Chris had first shown up at the school, Lucy was aggressive and angry. He had worked with her, even though she fought him every step of the way, to see what worked for her. Eventually he found that bringing her to his office, a room he kept quiet and comfortable, lit only by a couple of dim lamps, would calm her down. He'd talk to her and ask her questions that made her open up and think. Shed never talk about her personal life outside of school, something he quickly learned not to ask her about if he wanted to keep her talking. He had once asked her why she seemed to wear the same thing every day ,a pair of torn and faded jeans and an oversized hoodie. It was t out of the ordinary for teens to be seen in the same hoodies, but even in the warmer months she'd wear the same thing. 

Lucy thought that everyone hated her. She had a chip on her shoulder, an attitude and scowl that made everyone distance themselves from her. She was never seen talking to anyone, always walking to class alone while other girls had friends by their sides. She never attended any after school functions, went on field trips, or did extra curricular activities. When Chris asked her why she just shrugged and told him that they were stupid. Lucy was smart, though. She studied hard, never missed an assignment, or a day of school. When Chris talked to her about her future and what she wanted to do she had told him that she wanted to go to college and get a good job, leaving her response at that. 

At the end of the day Chris called Lucy back to his office. After she had begrudgingly slumped down in one of the chairs in front of his desk he asked her about the rest of her day. 

"Sucked."

"Why?"

"Just did. Why do you care?" 

Chris sighed and scratched at the beard on his face. 

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I just don't want to be here."

"Would you rather be at home?"

"Fuck no." 

"Why not?"

[meandmystuffs]

[Movie_Thai BL] My Bromance (2014) Spoilers/ Review/ Comment

Disclaimer: This is purely my opinion based on what I've seen in the movie. It is not my intention to offend those people behind this movie, the lgbtq+ community and those who are reading this.

Real Plot

Step brothers, Bank and Golf realized that their feelings for each other is more than just for  siblings. They were separated. They met again. They fought and met an accident. Someone fcking died.

Setting

Breaking down the setting for this movie helped me in understanding it a bit. This movie was released in 2014. The date in the tomb said 2013. Things happened around for 2 years so maybe, 2011-2012 is the right time line for this (please correct me if my wrong).

Golf, Bank and their friends were calssmates and high school students back then.

Plot, thorough re-telling cause it doesn't make sense to me

First of all, I'm not from Thailand so I don't know what was happening there around this time frame but one thing is for sure, same-sex relationship is still a taboo back then (this was presented in the movie).

Youth. A fun stage in your life where you think you know everything but you know nothing at all. 😉

Young love. I'm actually jealous. I never experienced this. 😢 But Golf and Bank did.

It was never love at first sight cause Golf was bullying Bank at first (no to bullying please) but then Golf had a change of heart and they had a good sibling relationship.

Until Thon entered. He's your typical singing guy, handsome, popular but gay. He never actually hide it. 🙄 He confessed his feelings to Bank which Bank rejected. Golf, acting jealous, received a surprise confession from Bank. Little did Bank knew, his feelings were the same. 😍

And then they were lovers. They're friends already knew and they accepted them. Their parents didn't knew cause they're not always at home 🙄 but they were caught by Golf's aunt when they were being lovey-dovey and all reasons went to hell. 😢

Now is the right time to unstan their parents. I was so mad at them I was crying so hard.

They talked first to Golf saying they should break up cause their love isn't accepted by society. The fck. Golf asked his father if he could accept him as his son, his father asked him to think of him, his family and his ancestors. Like, what? Then Golf said that if he wants him to stop being like this (trying to be with Bank), then his father should also try stop being with his new wife. 😣

His father threatened him that he will bring him to America to study and if he won't go, he will bring Bank instead.

Bank's mom said something that really broke my heart. 💔 "It's my fault for raising Bank this way."

Like the fck. Sexual orientation is not something you give to your child. It something they discover within theirselves. And you don't have the right to choose for them. Again, today is 2020 and this story is way back in 2014.

Golf went out. Bank came down and was begged, yes, they begged him to break up with Golf. 💔

This was so frustrating! How could they? I know they could but how dare they? 😭

Golf said his final goodbye to all of them when he visited their class for the last time, asking their friends to take good care of Bank and he doesn't know if he will ever be back.

There was this one scene that made me blew up. 😤

Bank's mother introduced him to another gay guy cause they are the same.

The fck! I have no ill feelings towards gays but seperating them cause they like each other and then pushing him to another guy? The hell with that! 😤

6 months later, Golf came back to Thailand with his girlfriend he met in America. Bank was so hurt he started dating Thon (yes, he's still alive) without feeling anything for him. Golf here was annoying to be honest cause he kept on pestering Bank. Then Thon made an ass of himself, he tried to make a move on Bank which Bank escaped safely.

Then the fighting happened. Golf dragged Bank in the middle of the street, shouting at him. While Bank was trying to get out of his grip, a car crashed on them.

This scene made me, wut??? 😲 Bruh. You don't fight in the middle of the road. That is suicide. Please don't ever do this.

They were both rushed in the hospital. Golf has minor injuries, said the doctor. Bank had an emergency surgery. One of his kidney was removed, the other one is not doing its job propery.

Golf then begged his father to allow him to donate his kidney to Bank cause they were brothers and he's the reason why Bank was in that situation in the first place. They met briefly after that, Golf in a wheelchair, Bank in bed, looking so pale.

And here I was, thinking about a happy ending. I just 🤡 myself here.

Then Bank was healthy again and was told that Golf returned to America. Bank was in their old room (they shared a room back then cause they were siblings) and started reminiscing the past.

They had a couple ring. Bank was wearing it like a necklace. Then one day, he returned the ring to Golf saying he wanted them to return to being brothers instead of lovers (this was way back before Golf went to America) cause he felt sorry for their parents. Golf was having none of this but did took the ring bank.

A year later, Bank was celebrating his birthday with his old and new friends. The scene was Bank was unwrapping his presents until the last one which was a small box. It was their rings. His friend handed him a letter and this was where I literally broke down.

Golf donated his kidneys to Bank. He was never in  America after the surgery. Yes. He donated both of his kidneys (I'm assuming both) cause he had a fcking brain tumor that was only detected when they had an accident. Golf fcking died. He fcking died months after the surgery. Their friends knew about it but their parents asked them not to tell Bank about it.

Screw them all. 😭 They robbed them of those precious times when they could still be together. 💔😭💔

Not being able to be with the person you love during your happy moments is one thing but not being able to share your pain, you regrets and your final moments with that person, I don't know, its just so unfair. How could their parents do this? They only have on this to do. Be a parent to their child and they can't even do it. My heart still cry for this moments. 💔😭💔

Bank and his friends visited Golf's tomb. They brought flowers and Bank left his ring there. Bank was doing monologues about having that *someone*.

Then this scene caught me off guard.

Golf's girlfriend holding a baby.

At first I thought, Bank and Golf's girlfriend did what??? 😱 But I realized, before the accident happened, an engagement party for Golf and her was supposed to happen. I feel sorry for the girl and their baby. She understood what was happening between Golf and Bank back then but maybe has the same circumstances as them, being told what to do by her parents.

Final thoughts

I did not know I was going to cry so hard for this movie. The first half was light, the second half was heavy I needed to pause and cry. 😭

I'm not sure what were the writers thinking when writing this movie. Is it to support same-sex relationship or to discouraged them because this too sad for me. 😭

I'm really disappointed to their parents, like super. I don't know the context in Thailand during this time but now, we are getting so many bl dramas with supportive families and I'm very happy and thankful for that. ��

Bank and Golf were both 16 (if Im right) this movie and they did so well! 😭😭😭 The movie was a successs (I'm assuming) cause they made a series out of it (My Bromance: The Series) with a whole new casts.

Fluke Natouch (Bank) was so fluffy in here! 😭 He's smile is the same, he's crying face is the same, him being shy and angry are the same as today and he's just too adorable! He matured a little, I don't wanna say a lot (lols) but I think his acting is way better today (of course bruh, this was 6 years ago). 😂

Fluke Teerapat (Golf) was also good. If I'm not mistaken, this was his first movie ever and I can see his potential as an actor. And he was also in the bl drama SOTUS as a supporting character. I haven't seen this drama yet but I'm planning to. 😊 Hope he will have more projects in the future.

I'm hoping a reunion project with the whole casts! Except their parents. I don't want them near to Bank and Golf. 😤

I hope this is helpful. Its more of a ranting than a review. 😂 Please do watch the movie if you can. And please support the whole cast especially the Flukes! 😍

[mastrrt]

The Tigress Dilemma *fanfiction*

Usually, fanfic writers (such as I) have a hard time depicting complex characters such as Tigress, ergo this lack of this understanding about our characters can lead us to defile their original personalities and characteristics. I'm pretty sure most, if not, all of us are victims to the Tigress Dilemma, and this problem can only be resolved once Dreamworks has finished Tigress's arc. The Tigress Dilemma is basically what I mentioned above. We misinterpret Tigress and that could lead us to writing imposters instead. Now I have seen many fanfics, and all of them vary in the extent of how terrible their Tigress imposter is. I would say that for my fanfics, my Tigress imposter is pretty far off from the original character, but I feel I am getting there... it's a very slow progress, but every increment of time is making me better as a writer. Anywho, I'll be addressing some Tigress Imposter stereotypes. These stereotypes are the ones we want to avoid as much as possible. And if we do so, we can get closer to the original Tigress. Now, disclaimer, I am not here to tarnish the pride of any of you fanfic writers. I'm just here to point out my opinions and hopefully my opinions can do more good than harm. Also, to bring this blog a more positive vibe, I will be writing some Tigress stereotypes that we should all follow. But that'll be on the next post. 1. The 'Punk Girl School Bully' Type of Tigress. (LoA Tigress) Sleeves are for wimps... fat muscles... I got huge front teeth... i'll put your head on the toilet... pig anatomy on the facial region... you punk!... ILLL BEAT YOUUU UP!... girl that looks like a man... Those lines are all inside the ambit of any typical Buff School Girl Bully. And yeah, these types of people aren't the most likeable. Mainly because of their terrible ego and pride, their unmanaged temper, their constant screaming, and the fact that they bully. And these types of characters usually act upon their anger, and these types of characters are usually defeated by their own caprices. Now a lot of times, people usually confuse 'Punk Girl School Bully' as Tigress's characteristics.

For example, a lot of fanfictions tend to write this: Tigress was clouded with anger. How dare this cocky prick make fun of her name like that? She charged at him, trying to land a double fist strike on her belly, but it has seemed that her muscles were so angry that she suddenly turned into an amateur fighter and totally missed the cocky mite's stomache. Now she was even angrier. She gave a frustrated yell and pounced at the prick, driving her feet into a powerful tornado kick, but the man has sidestepped and she was too angry to use that momentum to execute another kick upon landing. Oh she was so so SO angry that everything turned red. Even though the man was merely a stranger, his smart remarks was enough to somehow make Tigress want to tamper him, as if her anger was derived from personal matter. Oh yes, Tigress was so weak that her peace has succumbed so easily to something as superficial as an empty insult. It isn't like she's a warrior who learned integrity, who lived by virtues and proverbs, and learned to swallow her pride the hard way. Nope. She was just the average hot head. "You! You idiot!" She yelled, driving her fist into arbitrary turns and twist with the speed of a toddler's fist in a fit of frenzy. And yet, after delivering such 'efficient' attacks, the man had avoided her punches the Muhammad Ali way. What's next? The rope-a-dope? Is that how weak Tigress became because of her anger? Oh, and since she's sooo angry, she also became majorly stupid! Since she's losing, she might as well become more desperate to win and because of this, she kinda lost 9/10 of her damn brain. It isn't like she had experienced worst before. It isn't like she's been in a tower surrounded by hundreds of adversaries, outmatched, outgunned, out everything, and still managed to escape through a genius idea to catapult her and her Enterprise out the flaming tower THROUGH the toppling flaming tower.

Look, Tigress can be hot head, but she doesn't allow it to manifest in a way that hampers her during battle. She's a warrior who for sure learned patience. Yes, she might have let herself succumb to her anger during the first movie (by trying to fight Tai Lung despite her master's efforts to stop her) but do understand that it was because of that cursed snow leopard that her father was just outright terrible to her, and 20 years of desperation and overwhelming commitment to kung fu led her to think that defeating Tai Lung is the key to Shifu's heart. Watch the Second movie through and through, with the eyes of a scrutenizing critic. If she is angry, it is usually to appear intimidating or lethal. It's a great strategy, escpecially now that her opponents would surely hold back once they hear the low baritone of her growl. But never, never, never, never, I assure you, did she appear angry and let that rage make her a haphazard, stupid, mess.

Also, fanfic writers tend to also write this: Tigress crossed her arms and growled. Po was so annoying! He wouldn't stop babbling about his new dumpling recipe. If he says 'broccoli broth' one more time, she is sure her dormant side would burst. "SHUT UP PO! YOU ARE AN IDIOT! YOU ARE SO CHILDISH! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE THE DRAGON WARRIOR!" And then, Po cried and ran away from the kitchen. The rest of the five gave her a look that could compare to the menacing glare of a thousand men, and they all left her to find the weeping Po. She sneered, she didn't need them anyways. She didn't have a family. And they were no friends of hers.

Tigress is not like this! She values her friends, and she talks to them like friends. Do no potray her the LoA way, because she's not always grumpy... and she is, by chance, grumpy, it's mostly for a reason. When the other five are irritated or even disgusted of Po, you can see that only Tigress smiles. And when she is in an argument, she usually deliver herself in a calm and threatening. Yeah, calm and threatening can be together. Tigress works as a paradox. I think the problem here is that people mistake seriousness and grumpiness as neigh synonyms. DON'T mistake those two different words with the same definition. Tigress is serious, but rarely grumpy in the way LoA/ fancfictions potrays her (just compare KFP 2 Tigress to LoA Tigress (there's a big difference I tell you that (mostly because she doesn't haphazardly turn into a big bish (is this even grammatically correct?))))

2. The Morally Deficient Tigress. I hate you!... you've always been terrible to me Shifu. So I hate you too!... you guys are not my family!... i have no family!... brat times twenty... your spoon is stupid... everyone is stupid... I don't wanna do this anymore... i'll turn evil in six seconds if you don't assuage my ego... cold hearted... insults everywhere... long sullen silences followed by mean comments followed by even more long sullen silences... angst angst angst for no reason... teenage i-have-20-pounds-of-eyeliner-under-my-eyes prototype. this type of imposter Tigress is probably one of the worst forms of Tigress out there. You cannot just ignore that she has been raised by two kung fu masters, one has morals that are so polished and perfect, and the other one with flaws but regardless still wiser than most. She's also follows a regimented schedule of supreme discipline throughout the course of her twenty-eight years, so surely she has been taught hardwork, patience, determination and other virtues that any average olympian athletes would typically have. Despite being called cold-hearted, stoic, perhaps even mean, do remember that she is also a HERO. With a hero's heart and the strength of a hero's mind. You can not simply ignore that she's a good person who had saved, quite possibly, thousands of lives, expecting nothing in return except the heart of her father and a place to reside. Do not mistake badassery with idiocy. Do not make her morally deficient like she's a little child with the mindset of a brat on a bad day.

Here's some examples of this nightmare: "Why do you keep these stuff? You're so childish, you don't deserve to be the Dragon Warrior!" Tigress looked around his loft, threatened by the action figures and the posters of the masters that adorned it.

Po frowned, "But... but... items like these have very big value to me Tigress. Especially my action figures, I cherish them because it's a large fragment of my childhood memories!"

Tigress did not understand. Of course she did not, not only is she whimsy, grumpy, angry and stupid, she also lacks understanding and lessons that can usually be self-taught at the age of twenty. She acts like a little child and that's all her morality is limited to. "No! They're wooden things with no value whatsoever. Stop being a fanboy. Stop being yourself! I can't support you! You idiot."

And she left the room with grandeur ---Sharpei Style with the hint of swagger. Five days later... "It's all your fault why we're here Po! All your fault. It isn't like you made a wonderful plan and I kinda destroyed it after this cocky douche made me angry and I decided to fight him and ditch your plan. And since my dignity got the best of me, it isn't like I'm blaming you 100% on our unfortunate demise when I know 200% that i'm to blame." Po tried to speak, but Tigress continued, "Ya'll should have listened to me! Me me me me! Me me me me!" The end!

Okay okay, it's a little too exaggerated, but you get the point right? Tigress doesn't act like this. She is kind and nice, she's truly supportive even with her doubts, and she loves and values her friends, albeit these traits are not exposed because it's overshadowed by her stoic demeanor. Whatever... sometimes light filters through her facade and you can see her vulnerabilities.

3. The Profesional Becomes the Biggest Amateur. Gets defeated by a few alligators who could barely fight... can't get unstuck from a rope THAT ISNT EVEN KNOTTED NOR THICK ENOUGH TO CARRY TWO POUNDS... can't get out a sticky situation even though she has been through worse... pathetic tiger... no longer has super strength that she has been gifted with. Now I'm just a thread's breadth away before typing a full fledge rant. Yes! I get it. She has been defeated by people who Po can defeat. She has been defeated by Tai lung and Po was able to defeat Tai Lung. But that was because Po was in a special situation, and it was truly only Po who could defeat Tai Lung (I'll adress this in a new post.) Have ya'll ever of this rule, in both film making and book writing, that authors must refrain from degrading everyone's intelligence so that a single character can appear in the caliber of a genius? Basically, what I'm saying is that you cannot make the five (escape Tigress) leagues weaker than their original selves just for the sake of making Po or your main OCs appear stronger. One, that's a terrible illusion that even a blind man can see through. And two, that's just disrespectful for a The Five. Not only are the five overshadowed, but ya'll also heavily disregarded the fact that they are warriors that did a lot. You're forgetting that Tigress can do this

Do not forget that she is the person who can do so much more. If you want a story where Tigress becomes a damsel in distress, and Po is the one to save her, DO NOT get her kidnapped by five wolves. Or ten. Or even twenty. Because this tiger can handle of them easy. Make sure she is defeated by a whole fudging army, or a bunch of hooded warriors who are thousands of years old and are as good as Shifu in kung fu. Make sure her defeat is reasonable and respects what she can do. KNOW what she can do, so that you learn her limits. Give her a challenge, give her a run for her money. Don't make her pathetic just because you want someone else to seem not pathetic. Us fan fic writers say that Tigress is hardcore. Awesome. Badarse. So maybe we should write her that way. Some fan fics I read write that Tigress got defeated because she was hungry or tired and couldn't fight against a few adversaries. I roll me eyes. Bro! You cannot make hunger the reason why she's defeated😂 have you seen what she ate during the first KFP movie? Her meals consists of tea and a small, chewy block of tofu. Please. She had trained her body and mind to resist pain in a way that wouldn't affect her during battle. And don't go destroying her stamina either. If she can go the whole night just battling a bunch of wolves, without even so much as passing out then pulease, don't make tiredness as an excuse. But there are some exceptions though. Like maybe she got tired because she drained her chi. Then that's understandable. So much work.

[shrimp-purgatory]

I finished Women With Attention Deficit Disorder by Sari Solden last night and want to share some of my thoughts:

Overall, it was an okay book. 2.5/5 stars, maybe? The tone was friendly without being condescending or falling into misinformation and the book covered relevant information to the intended audience (and did a decent job of politely explaining why dietary fixes aren't going to magically cure you).

The bad:

My main issue with it was how dated it was. It was written in 1995 and revised in 2005. While a lot of the technical information is still correct/relevant, it offers relationship advice that feels... old. Things have changed a lot in 15+ years since it was revised, and the whole "you don't have to do things Traditionally" advice feels extremely conservative at best. Maybe for older women ("older" as in 30+/not young adults) or those with very conservative families the advice is still relevant, but for a lot of people, I think it reads as extremely old-fashioned.

I also feel like it somewhat failed to cover sensory issues/social issues in much depth. Auditory processing disorder (and auditory processing as a symptom) was basically glossed over, as were things like food sensitivity. While some of the advice was decent (thinking about social withdrawal as an emotional bandaid that can send the wrong message), I think it failed to offer a lot of sympathy or advice for those struggling to find their "sensory limit" before they hit meltdown/shutdown.

Other oversights:

• Hyperfixation was barely mentioned.

• School age bullying is a pretty common phenomenon that never got mentioned.

• It mostly ignored the links with ASD (which I think was probably due to the year; the book was on the cutting edge of "oh yeah women actually can have ADHD" and I can't imagine "woman can have autism" and the understanding of level 1/Asperger's syndrome in women was deeply developed at that point either).

• RSD wasn't mentioned (it may not have been a "known thing" at the time and I don't know how formally documented it is even now).

It is also mostly directed towards post-education women with late diagnosis in non-technical fields. As somebody going into engineering, it was a little disappointing to see 0 examples or heed given to folks who go into STEM; it was mostly fashion/parenting/teaching/arts/business. Is it the end of the world? No. It was just a mild irk.

My last complaint was the lack of consideration towards queerness or even gender nonconformity. It being 2005 and already oriented towards women in their 30s, I can see why there weren't examples of w/w relationships or discussion of trans/nonbinary individuals (even as a little introduction side note--"this book is written assume you're a cis female, but it contains information to all afab individuals, regardless of their identification"), but it feels worth it to note that anyways. It definitely felt weird in some places.

The good:

I think the book offered some strong frameworks for dealing with late diagnosis, reasonable (mildly dated but not egregiously so) advice on medication in terms of what's out there, how it works, and options, and on dual/secondary diagnoses. It also does a solid job of explaining executive functions and how ADHD is less about not having attention and more about not having the ability to control it. Also did a decent job talking about brain fog/SCT and the hypoactive side of things.

The main reason I read it was for the discussion on the menstrual cycle and how it affects functioning. That section was brief but useful enough (I'm guessing no further research existed at the time), and I will probably try and write up a mini lit review if I find any decent articles furthering the information. Long story short: after ovulation, peaking during your period, you may notice your functioning levels are worse, and may want to consider dosing your medication differently, planning for this disruption, using birth control, or some combination of the above.

[lady-divine-writes]

For the prompt ask, can you please repost that bit of the Klaine Sense8 fic you were writing? I can't find it on your blog :(

Hey nonnie :) 

I couldn’t find it on my blog, either :( But here it is. It was originally written for the prompt “Sense8″. It’s called “I Am We” and features Kurt and Blaine as Lito and Wolfgang, but in a different setting:

I Am We

Kurt’s head whips around, snapping unnaturally to the side as his body flies into the wall behind him. Thankfully his head doesn’t smack back into the brick because that would cause a concussion for sure, and more than likely, he’d black out.

Kurt can’t do that. Maybe he’s not that good at fighting back, especially when the odds are three to one, but he can’t lose consciousness. He needs to stay awake. That’s the only way he’s going to survive.

Enough is apparently enough. These boys aren’t content with tossing him into dumpsters and slamming him into lockers anymore.

This time, they’re going to put him in the hospital … if he’s lucky.

“Get up, fag!” the boy in the center, the ringleader, shouts so loud it might as well be in his ear. Or is that a migraine he feels coming on? It’s a strange combination of pain and calm. It throbs, it hums, it aches, but it makes him feel at peace. Like he’s no longer alone. “You wanted to fight, you fucking smart ass! So fight!”

Kurt is surprised that the volume of his voice doesn’t attract more attention, especially since most of the school knows what happens back here behind the 4-H building. There should be a security guard or something. But there’s nobody – no teachers, no students, nobody.

Or not exactly nobody.

Kurt’s head lulls to his right and he sees a boy sitting there, forehead almost touching his, his brow creased with concern.

Kurt knows this boy. He recognizes him.

Even though he’s never seen him before in his life.

Correction. Not physically. He’s been in Kurt’s mind before, and in his dreams. But they’ve never been in the same place at the same time.

Get up, the boy says, staring at Kurt with deeply pleading eyes.

I’m … I’m trying, Kurt says. The world has gone slow. He’s not where he was, but sitting beside himself – his breaking husk - about ready to give up.

You need to get up, the boy says, as if Kurt doesn’t already know. They’ll kill you if you don’t.

I don’t know that that matters, Kurt says with a shake of his head. I don’t … I’m not strong enough.

“Who the fuck you talkin’ to, huh? You tryin’ to play crazy? Because it ain’ gonna work with us!” The jock hits Kurt again, slamming his head into the pavement. The blow opens a cut on Kurt’s forehead that stains the pale grey cement a shocking shade of red, pouring fast and free so that Kurt can almost hear it. He doesn’t turn to look, but he sees it in the reflection of the boy’s hazel eyes. The boy looks from Kurt’s body, to the bullies, to the boy sitting beside him.

Can I? he asks.

Kurt swallows. He’s heard this boy’s voice before, but not as clearly as he does now. He remembers him from before a time when he can even remember, as if he weeds in and out of Kurt’s conscious, leaving behind footsteps like scars, even as they fade. This boy - his voice plants flowers in Kurt’s mind, roses of red and yellow. Their scent is always with him. And for some reason, Kurt’s survival seems to mean more to this boy than it even means to himself.

What? Kurt asks, confused, but then he realizes that this boy is with him. He lives within him somehow; a part of him in his brain. This boy is not him, but they exist with one another. And this boy wants to help him. Yeah. Sure. Go for it.

The boy stands up. He stands up, and Kurt’s body stands up, but to Kurt, it’s the boy taking his place. He can see them both clearly – himself and this boy – as if they occupy the same space.

Apart, yet they still manage to be one.

The three jocks in front of him look surprised to see Kurt on his feet, blood draining down his face as he walks, gravity and pressure forcing it from Kurt’s body and yet, there he is, striding toward them as if he hadn’t been hit at all.

The hulking monster in the middle, the one who dealt out most of the blows, comes at him again, ready to finish what he started. His fist flies, but Kurt dodges, delivering his own blow to the boy’s left cheek – a blow that sends him back a few steps and almost drops him to the floor.

“What?” the boy in Kurt’s body says, spitting out a mouthful of blood. “Did you think you guys were done? I was just getting warmed up.”

“What the—?“ the boy to his right says with eyes wide and fearful. “That isn’t …this isn’t …”

“Shut up!” the boy nursing his rattled jaw barks. “Don’t wuss out now just because he got in a lucky punch!”

“Oh, that one was lucky. But the rest, they’re not going to take any luck at all.” Kurt’s body walks steadily closer, the two boys flanking the one in the middle trying to pull him away, staring at Kurt as if they’re seeing a ghost.

And Kurt, sitting on the floor, staring up at his body fighting off these boys, isn’t entirely sure he’s not seeing a ghost himself.