#couldn’t get that space thing in there
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So I changed my thesis topic and it’s gonna be abt cybersecurity issues in BCIs (brain-computer interfaces), mmmight focus on neurological cyber attacks (”brainjacking” but I HATE that word, and will refuse to use it at all costs) but not too sure yet. But anyways, I’m feeling excited abt this whole thing again! 🧠
The only interests I’ve actually ever had have been space, crime things (mostly just criminology), neuroscience and coding. And this sort of incorporates 3 of them, so idk why I didn’t decide to go with this in the first place.
(this was my og plan tho, I just got ??insecure?? abt it bc not much of ML or AI in there, or even anything *that* technical (probs will have some pseudocode algorithms but not a lot). But honestly like it’s a bachelor’s thesis; just a practice run for the other theses you’re (maybe) going to do, the main thing for this one is to have something interesting to you & learn about the process)
#couldn’t get that space thing in there#’’neurological cyber attacks iN SPACE’’ god I’d want to write whatever the fuck that would be but that’s just not a thing#ba thesis struggle diary#january 2024#2024
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Trans Curly headcanons are fascinating to me cause like… Jimmy would resent him more for it.
Masculinity is a weird underlying thing in their dynamic where Jimmy feels inferior to Curly about not only their job positions but roles in life. The idea that Curly is the better man who also made himself such would be such a blow to Jimmy’s already fragile and unstable ego. Like it’s not just that he’s just transphobic, he hates Curly’s ability to craft himself into what he wants to be successfully, it not about Curly being afab but Curly still being the better man.
But then he wouldn’t get the self image issues one can face, feeling like an imposter in a space you wanted to be in or even scared to be there. He’d just think Curly always gets what he desires and thinks nothing of it like he always has.
#also like it would be horrifying post crash cause like the implications and themes in the game I won’t get into rn#but this was inspired but a cute ish fic where Anya gave Curly his T shot cause like that’s just cute#and then it’s sad cause maybe I’m thinking Curly didn’t want to think or accept Jimmy would do such a thing because it means he could’ve#done something like that to him and the underlying fears that trans men and masc can have in male spaces of being found out and punished for#it and it’s an interesting thing to think about if it were canon or not cause like what if yknow? like trusting someone with a fact like#that about yourself only to see them torment and dehumanize someone in a way you easily could’ve been and still could be but this ain’t bout#that like Jimmy would have envy and resentment about Curly no matter if Curly was or wasn’t trans or if he disabled before the crash or#whatever cause he just resented Curly for being what he couldn’t be genuinely#mouthwashing#but back to Anya doing his T shot it’s like sad and cute cause it’s like useless now but it’s also so important to him and she’s such a good#friend and nurse to still do it and he has to think about despite all he didn’t do for her she still is doing this little thing for him and#I’ll see myself out on my sadness
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I didn’t engage with any THT content until I fully finished the show to avoid spoilers but holy fuck, I understand how so many women end up with shitty, awful, white supremacist men because it was such a shock to see how obsessed the fandom is with Nick. Yes, June and Nick’s relationship was passionate and I was absolutely blushing at my TV during the first 2-3 seasons, but before any characters even uttered the word, I knew that man was a Nazi. Serena confirmed he played an instrumental role in rounding people up and establishing Gilead’s power, hence his original role as an Eye. During one of Nick and June’s conversations, we learn he felt he had no purpose or direction in life which led him to join the Crusade. That conversation really reminded me of how many men talk about the reason they join the military or become police officers, and both of those institutions notoriously take advantage of young men, grooming them by assuring them they have meaning and will reap the rewards of participating in that meaningfulness and servitude. And maybe that’s what happened to Nick, but we don’t get much more insight than Serena telling June about Nick’s service and Nick telling June about his vague motivations. Young men recruited into Hitler Youth were done so using the exact same tactics and we don’t give them a pass for it, for just following orders, because that kills people. It kills non-white people, it kills ethnic minorities, it kills queer people, it kills disabled people, it kills women, and if it doesn’t kill them first, it exploits and tortures them and strips them of their humanness. It’s unfortunate we never really got to see Nick truly operating as an Eye other than in interactions involving June, but considering his actions as a Commander, and the fact that he even rose through the ranks to become a Commander, Nick was not saying no. He was not disobeying orders, he was not turning away from killing those who tried to flee or broke Gilead law. If he had, he’d probably be dead. And it’s very human to not want to die. But we can’t pretend our actions in avoidance of death have no moral weight or consequences. Nick tried to help June escape, but did he ever try to help any other women escape? Did he care about Nichole/Holly after she stopped being something that brought June back to him over and over again (read: Nick suddenly bringing her up in s6e9 so June would run away with him—particularly in a way that made it seem like Nichole’s presence would mostly be for June’s benefit—after seemingly forgetting she existed)? Every good action we have seen from Nick has at its root been in favor of himself and his protection from the reality he helped bring about. Nick loved himself far more than he ever loved June, because real love would’ve made him risk his life to free June and her daughters with any and all power he had (like Luke did). “I should’ve run away with you when I had the chance,” mhm, yeah, you should have, but you chose to stay, not out of fear, but out of love, not for June, but for power.
#the handmaid's tale#tht#nick blaine#solely talking abt show nick here bc i haven’t read the book yet#and don’t get me started on how Nick used Rose as an excuse while doing the exact same thing he’d been doing for years#she was just a new ‘reason’ but the outcome never changed#this is a safe space to hate nick#truly sorry for the lack of paragraphs i just couldn’t find any good breaks in my writing
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i used to watch bnha and then stopped at some point like two years ago so reading through all of this is kind of insane!!!! i wrote 45k abt dadzawa and it was all a lie……
Oh join me in the devastation. Bnha was actually my first ever anime. I never watched anime growing up. The summer before I went to college, one of my best friends asked me to watch it with her and it was my gateway into the entire industry. We used to watch the new episode of my hero together while on FaceTime every time a new episode dropped. I was a huge fan.
The fucking YouTuber arc was what made me drop it entirely, because that was the moment that I just gave up on waiting for it to get better again, but the start to endeavor’s arc was the beginning of the end for me. I remember watching those early episodes where they started pivoting his character and my friend kept having to pause it because I kept going off on rants about how bad it was.
I feel like I should just expect the worst from this show now and nothing should surprise me but it somehow still manages to catch me off guard. Like fuck it, I guess dadzawas not happening. Not like he cut off his fucking leg or something to keep custody of the kid. Ship her off to the mountains she can visit whenever she’s in the same prefecture again I guess it’s all no biggie
#dadzawa I’m so sorry they said those ugly things about you#also I feel like I should clarify that my issues with endeavors arc back then weren’t just that he had one#like yeah I thought it was a waste of narrative space and didn’t really want one but I was willing to give it the benefit of doubt#i kept getting frustrated because of how bad they retconned shit to try and make it work#they reframed a lot of points in it to make him more palatable because the endeavors set up had written Horikoshi into a corner he suddenly#wanted out of. but instead of confronting what had already been said he just fucking started scrubbing shit#it’s a whole other rant frankly#I still have nostalgia for this show#it will always be my first anime#but god there’s just nothing left that I like about it it once you hit the last act#I tried going back a few time#I could not even white Knuckle my way through the joint training arc#oh my godddd#my friend and I set aside a few days to just see if we could force ourselves through and maybe it’d get good again#we couldn’t and it didn’t
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Something I did for art class
#art#x’s art#traditional art#will wood#will wood and the tapeworms#self ish#self-ish#Sorry if the time date or amount is off#I couldn’t get those of of what was available on YouTube and I feel bad for asking people here because I feel like I’m wasting their time#Also I know the tapeworms logo is super small#I drew it like that in the sketch and just called it a day lol#The project was to make some ticket thing and it was super cool#I thought of doing one for a litwtc live event trww screanings the unknowing and the beholding#But went to this because I thought it would be “the most fun to do”#It was fun but I spent like 7-8 hours on it lol#I got a hundred so it was worth it#Also sorry the 20 is off center#I left that space as like a thing to punch the ticket or whatever
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#i hate YouTube sometimes#likes it’s fine it’s fine whatever#but yesterday it was all comments of people who didnt care/know about the subculture questioning why this would be on their timeline#and today it’s a bunch of people kindly ‘educating’ me on the history of punk and goth.#like; ‘in the past you couldn’t just buy goth clothing you had to make it’ no shit Sherlock why do you think my whole channel is about diy#or ‘goth is about the music”’ yes idiot which is why I put an entire section explaining where to find affordable music#or people who seem to not watch the video and just reccomend things you already said#like ‘if you have a library check out maker spaces’ yes exactly which is why I dedicated a section of the video to talking about#library resources you can find and all the equipment you might be able to borrow#like it’s fine it’s fine I really shouldn’t get so annoyed I feel like I’m probably being a bitch right now.#but I think I just woke up grumpy#and whenever people try to ‘teach me about alt’ in my own YouTube comments in a very condescending way#or way that made it clear they didn’t watch the video#it’s just annoying#also feel free to ignore this I don’t need a reply or validation I just needed to vent#I get I’m being an asshole and the ‘#‘comments are good for the algorithm so it’s good why does it bother you’#I don’t know. it does. I’m sorry.#personal#rabbit rambles
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We’ll see if I do any of the others but I had to make a little Vee because reasons. Anyway, shoutout to this picrew for actually having antennae, did not think finding a doll maker with antennae would be as hard as it was. https://picrew.me/en/image_maker/1727751/
#deep space discounts#deepspacediscounts#to be clear I did not draw any of this#it is a dollmaker site#Bluetooth headset is a nod to their monitoring stuff since this was just a portrait view so cuffs were not a thing.#Couldn’t get her mouth right but I do love the freckle options.#Why those earrings? Why not?#Did I give her a bi pride button due to shameless headcanon reasons? Perhaps.
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my single dorm, my senior year, 2024-2025
#i wanted to take a moment to cherish my room#this space is my pride and joy#it may not be large but i fill it with so much love that i#i love when people come to visit and the first thing they comment is how nice it smells#they compliment my walls that my friend so generously put together for me because i was too overwhelmed by the white walls and endless#posters and papers and art and scraps but she simply saw it as a puzzle and did it happily#she occasionally asked my opinion or i asked if she could make an adjustment and it was just such a breather because it felt nice to be#taken care of in some way yknow?#anywho i also like to make sure everyone has a place to sit#ive got a bean bag and my desk chair but i always offer my bed as long as theres no outside clothes in my sheets#my lights took AGES to put up because i did it myself#i was standing on my bed and then my desk and then a chair and then spidermaning the wall putting up thr wires with command strips and#then wrapping them on plastic hooks around the room ONLY FOR THE COMMAND STRIPS TO FAIL ANYWAYS#so like im glad my backup worked but i worked so hard 🤧#i (almost) always wanna have something on the tv or i’ve got a speaker that places music and i always offer a snack and UGH#i just love making people feel seen and cared for and GOOD when they’re with me it makes me feel so fulfilled and brings me so much joy#i realized when i was with my friend the other night i cooked her dinner and let her just enjoy herself and she was like this is really nice#i love quality time and acts of service#those are my favorite#and i think i try to cultivate a space that reflects that#i hope it’s inviting and makes people feel safe#i love when people ask questions about things on my walls or if they can look at my shelfs#my room is a museum of myself <3 i couldn’t be happier than for you to look at it and get to know me through my things and wow#i just love being a safe space#and this is my last semester at my school so i feel like my room today is an amalgam of my experience over the four years of who i have been#and who i became and how i GOT here. wow. heavy on that shit#it’s just really beautiful though#cause i carry my experiences with me everyday and i’m learning to build from them instead of let them sink me and it’s taken SO LONG to get#but im happy and i love my room and i wanted to share it
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in my perfect world everyone makes so many lesbian muses the men then have to deal with the exact same behavior when every single post ever written isn’t about dick.
#CLAWS RETRACTED.#[real talk: I’m a lesbian transmasc little enby guy. but my gender? is lesbian. it’s how I explain it. my attraction to women is a part of#my innate gender. that’s just how it is and the two things inform one another. heteronormativity is still so alive and now everyone can put#it under progressive little labels where the character is bisexual but everything that’s focused on for miles is the hetcoded shit. it’s a#cool little thing people do now. it went from when I was a kid and ‘there’s no such thing as bi you’re just confused’ to ‘everyone is bi#because it gives me points but I will never meaningfully observe the queer aspect of that identity and it can make me seem comfortable with#queer identities’. it’s lip service so much of the time. and I never ever ever say you’re only valid if you write bi characters in a#queercoded relationship. bisexuality is forever valid always even if you’ve NEVER been in a queer relationship. but this is writing and#real bisexual people (I’m not even bi I’m literally a lesbian) have experiences irl that make them feel shitty#when they see them boiled down to shallow. a lot in the same way I get upset when I see lesbian relationships brushed off or ignored in#spite of my own excitement toward the ship. MY POINT IS that lesbians are completely ignored by this point and I can say this both irl and#on here because when you live a life that excludes men from your romantic space you’re basically illegal. it drives me fucking insane. the#way anyone can make a fucking whitebread ass man on this site and their inbox will be exploding but you make a lesbian and you have to pad#quietly around because from jump you’re already worried about how people will perceive you and you KNOW they won’t be immediately welcoming.#this is an irl thing in such a big way and I’m a NEW YORKER. but the fact that this exists in the rpc? truly I miss when we just wrote and#enjoyed things and this wasn’t a cesspit of discourse instead of an actual creative community. like. I went to college to study boring#theses that couldn’t keep my attention. I slogged through litcrit theory. do I love it? yes. but some of yall really just wanna be on#debatebro YouTube and not in the actual rpc. it’s wild. everyone’s a philosopher but no one wants to meaningfully engage. and if they do#they want to in either bad faith or basically hardheaded ignorance about an issue. someone’s 2 seconds from rping destiny.#swear to fucking god if I see one person make an asm.ngold joke I will cry.]
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Chinese/Lunar New Year
So uh for the past few days I’d been contemplating a Chinese New Year piece for this year in particular because uh it’s the Year of the Dragon and that plus dragon dance so perfect a combination it makes, but uh… admittedly I bit more than I could chew so uh :’D
I wasn’t able to make a full artwork in time, but I do have my cleaned up sketch to show for the holiday, so without further ado, happy Chinese/Lunar New Year Stilton fandom <3

It’s very not complete and the dragon’s details aren’t even drawn in but I hope ya’ll like it anyway
I am planning on finishing this tho so stay tuned for that :3
#geronimo stilton#thea stilton#thea sisters#lunar new year#chinese new year#year of the dragon#I was thinking of having thea hold the pearl of wisdom but i didn’t know if she’d fit#turns out she could so I might add her in as i work on this piece#I legit didn’t realize the negative space to the left until i was like about to do colette’s bit here#she was a pita to draw btw because of her body angle :’D#paulina also took me a while to get to a point where i was satisfied#the girls made the dragon themselves lmao#soda gremlin and i were discussing in vc a possible scenario where the girls tried to buy a dragon online but it didn’t pan out#either because they couldn’t find a dragon the size they needed or because uh#see vi warned them not to buy from any sketchy chinese sites like anything run by dpp shells because let’s be real shinu is hella sketchy#(haha temu roast go brr)#but guess where the other girls wound up finding a dragon at#and guess how long it lasted them#correct unit is in minutes#soooo they had to make their own and it turned out pretty good all things considered :D#fanart#art#my art#unfinished
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New around here! What are the best things to know about Riley or where to start?
Hey!
Hmmm the best things to know about Riley are probably theseeee
- they only worked at the factory for about a year or two (mainly as an intern—and when they were at the factory before officially working there, their aunt brought them with her)
- they interned/worked in the engineering/maintenance department of the factory (had no idea of the experiments happening but they always thought something was wrong)
- the toys they have with them/on their side (at the moment) are Ryker (the mini Kickin Chicken), DogDay, Kissy, Doey, and Bobby (a mini version not the BBI)
- they are a Scottish short stack with anger issues
- they lost their right (fore)arm to MLL in chapter 2 sometime around the final fight (found their prosthetic with the help of Ryker and DogDay in chapter 3)
(I have a lot of random extra facts but I probably shouldn’t add them all here lmao-)
As for where to start
…I’m not entirely sure-
I haven’t posted much story related content just yet, but I will soon since I have a better idea for it, and just kind of started posting Riley out of the blue lmao
But when I do start posting more lore related stuff, hopefully it’ll be find-able in the AU tag -v-‘
But to start probably just look in the general AU tag for now since most of the posts related to Riley are there
•u•👍🏼
#not sure if this fully answers your question or makes sense but yeah :]#gonna be honest#made Riley on a whim with no real plan for them and they’ve come really far and taken up a lot of my brain space-#(they started out as a ‘out of boredom character’ and advanced from there when I started getting ideas)#extra note(s): Riley’s non-binary but not for the whole ‘we don’t know who the protag is so no gender’ thing-#I just couldn’t chose so I didn’t give them a gender- (in the present at least-)#just thought I should add that lmao#poppy playtime oc#poppy playtime#riley chambers#misfit menagerie au#my character(s)#rambles into space#(…might add more to this when I make more details-)
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something we don’t talk enough about (i have no idea what anyone else is or isn’t saying at any given moment) is how when you get used to being by yourself it’s so hard to do things with other people
#i love my high school friends!! i (technically) love my family#but i’ve been doing things by necessity by myself for long enough that adjusting my schedule for other people seems so impossible#x6000 when you’re autistic#i’ve got used to being alone so i love it even though it hate it?? and i couldn’t let someone else in my space even if i wanted to#i like having no one to answer to but myself#but then it’s just me in there an i go insane?? i need an autistic guru or something istg#yapping#personal#my mum’s always like omg why are you in such a bad mood when we hang out on the weekend#i can’t help it i just get so snappy bc i’m always alone then suddenly someone else i there and it’s hard to adjust#i can’t decide if living alone has been a gift or cursed me
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I can fix him*
*bad writing, underutilized gameplay mechanics, characters with unfulfilled potential, funded by bootlickers
#ra speaks#personal#sorry I made dr phone calls and have like. ten minutes til I gotta get ready for first class of the semester. let me have this.#I think I should get every COD game ever for free. it’s MY tax dollars at work after all (actually anything produced w us military funding#should be free I think I can trap even my bootlicker tax hating dad into getting onboard w this one)#anyways. ghosts was…decent. but jfc if you give me a silent protag I expect SOME self awareness in the writing.#why are characters calling to him on comms when they know he won’t respond? why doesn’t he have an AAC device or something more futuristic?#I’m just saying if you explicitly limit a character you need to respect those limits in te writing. it’s not that hard.#like non of the characters even acknowledge that Logan never talks. esp weird when he first meets the ghosts#also. obv not a big fan of ‘all of South America has United into evil space terrorists’ but it was 2013 so ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯#wish we got to see some SDC civis y’know? get a bear on the average attitudes abt the whole. invading the US thing.#(jfc do not get me started on The Wall like this is a 2016 trump voter’s power fantasy)#also Riley was such an interesting mechanic why couldn’t they have at least substituted him w drones or something on the other missions??#you get him for like. two missions. and then he gets shot and you have to protect him (gosh I actually loved that section)#just. it was clear Logan was The Dog Guy with an aptitude for tech. honestly Hesh felt more like the MC than Logan.#and while Logan doesn’t have a ton of personality we can glean as a result of non speaking + ZERO communication at all ever#seriously he doesn’t even like. wave or give thumbs up to people wtf dude do ppl just assume he’s psychic or something???#I do LOVE the few scenes we get with him acting outside of player control/where he actually has agency (Elias’ death. the final cutscene)#and like it’s not much but it’s enough that I WANT to see what happens next#but alas. a decade old game without a true sequel (I think??? haven’t actually looked into it.)#my brother is making fun of me for being a COD gamer now like boy. I have no defense pls be nice to me T-T
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lesbianisms.. thinking ab how a common lesbian experience is Picking out a Boy to have a crush on in elementary. im pretttyyy sure i did that, considering i remember having. Zero good interactions with boys my age back then. id only ever pick the ones who seemed nice, and i wouldn’t stick to one consistently. the one ‘boy’ i do think i did have a genuine crush on in like early middle school ended up transfem so she doesn’t count lmao
#i remember in stardew valley (at 13 yrs old) being so upset that i couldn’t date marnie#beforehand i had picked out sam to date but then realized i could date girl in game#idk why i originally picked SAM though he’s so boringgg. current pick is harvey if i had to go w a man#ended up with maru<3 she is arguably the most boring of the women but idc i lorve her#robot inventor with a space theme who loves like 8 easy to get items. great wife. she also pretty#anyway. women<3#lesbian#wlw#or somethang#fuzzy ramblese#ive also seen ‘had crush on boy - ended up transfem’ as a sometimes-occurring lesbian thing#fun that it happened to me. the prophecies are true
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I think “Art Is for Amateurs” by Jam Mechanics, featuring Bug Hunter and the Narcissist Cookbook, might be replacing “Ghost Stories” by the Narcissist Cookbook as my favorite song and I Don’t Know How To Feel Ab That
#like ghost stories takes me away to that Place yk#other plane of existence#something something sense of self#something something we are all ghost stories at the end of the day and maybe we should just aim to stay that way#BUT ART IS FOR AMATEURS IS SUCH A BANGER#IT GOES SO HARD#WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT#i’ve been listening to it on repeat#wdym ‘doweries or endowments or for the decorative towels’#wdymmmm ‘so spare a thought for the middle-man who couldn’t make anything (but bank)’#the raw EMOTION of ‘the more space you just make for the BULLSHIT’#and ‘and I’m all in man this is all that I know how to do’#different emotions#both raw as /shit/#this song is the only thing on my mind always#it’s taking over my life#and putting a pen in my hand and pushing me to get back to work#bc goddammit#art is for amateurs#bug hunter#the narcissist cookbook#jam mechanics#ghost stories#this song slaps#both songs are amazing#ghost stories will forever be my first True Love#my gateway drug lmao#but new personal life anthem just dropped
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#ok I gotta get this off my chest.#Lo siento pero I’m not seeing enough girlies being so normal about this old man#what is Ahsoka about other than space whales and this old man?#I couldn’t tell you. I’ve watched the whole thing. I don’t know what’s going on. every time this old man comes on my brain is mush.#I cannot pay any attention when he’s on I just I can’t#sighhhhhh CHILDDD anywaysss like cupquakes always says#we fucking old men again
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