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duchi-nesten · 1 year

Text

The wiener takes it all

Summary:

Jack grew fond of the mutant sausages living in the Fentons’ fridge, so when he saw a poster for ‘’The Best Sausage Contest’’, he had to sign them up!

But why were there so many dachshunds loitering around the contest hall?

Word count: 2,583 || AO3 Link

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Second submission for phic phight using the prompt by @Nekcats

‘‘Jack Fenton started considering the alive sausages his pets, and when he saw the "Best Sausage Contest" (A Dog contest) he inscribed his "pets" on it, the judges couldn't disqualify him because he technically had sausages (just literally) and apparently, he show them some tricks for the competition.’‘

I laughed so hard when I read this prompt and it was pure joy to write! Hope you enjoy! :)

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They were enemies at first. A side effect of a new hot dog making machine he and Maddie invented. A pest who took over their entire fridge. They kept them only for research purposes, wanting to fix the grill so it doesn’t mutate anything else.

But after they helped him investigate the shed incident and secure the lab, Jack started being fond of the alive sausages. Yes, they bit him sometimes and for some reason attempted to murder Danny a little bit on a few occasions, but the strong hold of their serpentine hug made keeping them all worth it. They became, as the kids would put it, besties.

Of course, his family didn’t fully agree on this. Jazz kept insisting he gets rid of them since they always eat up all the other food. Danny stays clear of them and never even opens the fridge anymore. And Maddie…

Well, he’s caught Maddie in the act of pointing a blaster at the poor sausages too many times to count.

He knew sooner or later he would lose the fight and his buddies would be thrown out on the cold streets. He couldn’t let them live under a bridge! Or get brutally destroyed by Maddie. He had to convince his family that the sausages were a great addition to their home life and not just a pest, but he wasn’t quite sure how to do that.

That is until he saw the poster.

He and Maddie were out one afternoon hunting the god forsaken ghost kid again. The fight happening right outside the Nasty Burger just wrapped up as they arrived, so they decided to split up, each going to the other side of the restaurant for a better chance of finding Phantom.

As Jack strode across the road he saw the ghost kid fly into an alleyway, just a few feet from where he stood. He held up his gun ready for ambush, when the poster on the side of the building caught his eye.

Best sausage contest, it read.

A contest for his buddies? This was exactly what he needed! If his wiener friends win the competition, his family is bound to realize how awesome they actually are! He ripped the poster off the wall and ran to the GAV.

Maddie wasn’t very happy with him when she found out that he let the ghost go but who cares! Screw that ghost kid! He had much more important things to do now!

The contest was happening on Saturday, which was 2 days away. That was great for him, they got time to prepare!

The short rules on the poster stated that all the sausages needed to be bathed and groomed. He didn’t really know how someone could groom a sausage, but he did give them all a bath. Which they really didn’t enjoy. They viciously bit a hole in the bottom of the bathtub.

Jack made a mental note to replace that before Maddie noticed.

Another rule was that sausages were supposed to be on a leash at all times. It was a bit weird to keep a sausage on a leash, but he shrugged it off. He went out the next day and bought a lot of rope.

Unfortunately his buddies bit right through it, so he went out again and this time got some thick steel wire.

They bit through that as well.

He had to get more creative. They mutated by exposure to ectoplasm, so maybe something anti-ghost would work? Unsure, he went down to the lab to grab the Fenton fishing line. As it turned out, they could not bite through it. A win for Jack Fenton!

Soon enough all 37 sausages were tied to the fishing line in a neat little row. He was pretty sure there were less of them before. Can mutant sausages breed?

Ignoring that thought for now, he nodded to himself proudly before looking down at the poster he stole. The last rule was that all contestants had to prepare some sort of act. That was easy! His boys were incredibly talented! He knew exactly which special trick to show!

They were all set! He could already smell the win! And it smelled like a wiener!

It was the day of the competition. He was preparing the last few things in the kitchen, when Danny walked in. The sausages jumped off the table to attack him, but were held back by the Fenton fishing line.

‘’Why are the sausages out of the fridge? And tied to the fishing line?’’ his son asked while taking a small step back.

‘’Those little boys are about to go and win a competition with your old man!’’ Jack announced proudly.

‘’…What.’’

‘’A sausage competition! For sausages!’’ he put down the fishing line, securing it with a chair, so the wieners stayed put. Bringing out the poster he shoved it in the boy’s face.

Danny scanned it quickly looking only more confused.

‘’…Dad… I don’t think…’’ before he could even finish Jack interrupted him excitedly.

‘’Do you want to join us, son? We can make it a father/son/sausage bonding experience!’’ he threw a hand around Danny’s shoulders. ‘’They do seem to dislike you, so it’ll be a perfect opportunity to get to know each other better!’’

‘’No thanks uh. I’m actually super busy today-’’

‘’Nonsense!’’ he slapped his son on the back and started dragging him out the door after also grabbing the sausages. ‘’Don’t wait with dinner Mads!’’

The event was happening in the town’s center hall.

Jack stepped into the building with Danny in tow and noticed a bunch of dachshunds loitering around. Why were there so many dogs here today?

Hah! No matter! They were probably gonna eat all the competition! That only made it easier for his buddies.

‘’See dad, I was trying to tell you-’’

He tuned Danny out as he looked around the hall and noticed the sign-up table with the judges welcoming in the contestants. And to his surprise sitting there, as the special guest judge, was none other than-

‘’Vladdie!’’

He heard Danny’s confused sputter behind him as he strolled over to his old college friend. Vlad saw him and his eyes grew comically wide. Aw, he was happy to see him too!

‘’Jack.’’ Vlad started as the man stood before him. He had that funny expression he always did whenever they greeted each other. ‘’What are you doing here?’’

‘’Why, Vladdie! I’m here to win the contest!’’ he exclaimed loudly, holding up the Fenton fishing line with all his buddies tied to it. They started thrashing around when they noticed Vlad. Or maybe it was only because Danny joined them at that moment.

The mayor spared the sausages a tiny glance before massaging his temples. ‘’This is a wiener dog competition, Jack. For wiener dogs.’’

‘’I've heard! That’s why I brought my bunch! They’re absolute hounds for ghosts.’’ he leaned in and lowered his voice to a stage whisper. ‘’But that’s our final trick, don’t tell anyone.’’

Vlad ignored that and turned to the other judges instead.

‘’We can't possibly let him compete. Those aren’t dogs.’’

‘’Well Mayor Masters…’’ a lithe brunette man, sitting beside him answered. ‘’we never stated that the sausage has to be a dog.’’

He and the third judge, a lady with a very high gray hair-do, were looking through a thick book labeled as the rules. There were little dachshunds decorating each page.

‘’Yep. Not even once.’’ the lady confirmed after flipping the book closed.

‘’The word sausage is used throughout the entire book?’’

‘’What can I say Mayor Masters , it is a form of endearment for us sausage lovers.’’

Jack heard Danny laugh beside him. He was confused with their entire conversation. Obviously sausages were allowed! It was a sausage contest! But before he could butt in, Vlad muttered something under his breath and signed him up, giving him and his buddies the contestant pass.

He bid Vlad a goodbye for now, which the man huffed at. It was so adorable to see his best friend was sad to leave him even for a few minutes!

While turning around in the direction of the contestant lounge he thought he saw Danny and Vlad glare at each other, but when he took a second glance Danny was looking at him instead and Vladdie was already talking to some lady with a dog.

He shrugged it off and continued on to the lounge with a huge grin.

Soon the contest started. All the contestants were lining up on the stage to be introduced to the audience. Jack didn’t understand why the dachshunds from the lobby were now strolling up the stage together with his sausage buddies.

Danny offered that maybe they ate the other sausages and now had to take their place. Which made a lot of sense! Why’d he say that while rolling his eyes was a mystery to him though.

After the introductions were done, the real show started. The contest was divided into a few challenges. The first being a little obstacle course, which his sausages passed by eating all the obstacles. And one of the dogs.

Secondly, there was a bikini modeling showcase. His buddies really impressed the judges by coming together to form a big sausage, which filled out the bikini perfectly! Jack was sure he heard some ladies scream with excitement in the audience!

After that all the contestants were answering some deep questions presented by a man, who kept claiming to be the host. Or their owners were answering the questions for them. Talking about peace or some other nonsense. His boys went out there and ate the host guy! And another one of the dogs too for good measure! The ladies in the audience really loved that one!

They were absolutely rocking it on stage! At least Jack thought so. He had to stop Danny from interfering a few times. His boy really had a good heart wanting to help the sausages like this, but he just had to believe they could pull through it on their own! Jack would always believe in them!

Finally it was time for the talent show. He was really excited for this one. He talked about their plan to Danny all evening and judging by the way his boy started fidgeting he was excited too!

Unfortunately Vlad insisted that their act should come last. Something about making sure there are no more shortages in the contestant numbers. Whatever that meant. He probably just wanted to save the best for last!

‘’Two more acts and it’s our turn Danno! Are you excited?’’ Jack asked, looking back at Danny, before turning around to keep peering at the stage from behind the curtain.

‘’Mm. Yeah… uh, how about I go get us some drinks before they go? You know… so we can be refreshed when they win…’’

‘’Good thinking son! Bring some for the sausages too! We can open a cracked one with the boys, as you younglings say!’’

‘’Yeah..uh… sure…’’ he heard Danny say as he retreated to get the drinks.

Jack looked at the sausages sitting by his legs, still tied with the fishing line. They got bored of trying to aggressively chew on Danny by now, so they were just hanging around waiting for their next performance.

The two remaining acts weren’t anything special. All the dogs were being quite boring if Jack had to be honest. All they did was jump around or dance. He was slowly falling asleep when the announcer (who replaced the eaten host) called for their act.

Finally! The sausages were gonna show them REAL talent!

Danny was still not back with the drinks though. Maybe he found a space in the audience to get a front row view! Yeah, his son was smart like that!

‘’It’s showtime boys.’’ he said to the sausages leading them on stage. The announcer was already long gone, probably thinking he’s also gonna get eaten.

They stood in the middle of the stage. Jack lined them up in a little line before speaking into the microphone positioned in front of them.

‘’Hello again everyone!’’ he yelled looking around at everyone. He could see the audience shaking in excitement.

Vlad, who was sitting with the other judges in front of the stage, cleared his throat.

‘’So, Jack. What are you gonna present for us now and how many people are gonna get eaten?’’

‘’Hah Vladdie! You jokester! No people are gonna be eaten!’’

He was pretty sure he heard Vlad mutter something that sounded suspiciously like thanking some ancients.

‘’Well then. What are these… sausages gonna do?’’ the lady judge asked.

‘’They’re gonna hunt down and eat a ghost!’’ Jack exclaimed and in a swift move untied all the sausages. (It took him a while to get that move right, good thing they trained last night!) ‘’GO! GO GHOST HUNT BOYS! MAKE ME PROUD!’’

The audience screamed and everyone rose to their feet. A standing ovation already! But then they started running away. Huh. What kind of ovation was that? A running ovation?

‘’JACK YOU BUFFOON. TAKE THEM OFF OF ME!’’ Vladdie’s yelling brought him out of his thoughts.

He looked over to the man and saw his boys attacking him. He was covered head to toe in wieners who viciously chewed on him like they did with the bathtub. Without thinking he jumped off the stage to aid his friend.

‘’NO BOYS THAT’S NOT AN EVIL GHOST! IT’S JUST VLADDIE!’’

‘’So boys, how did it go?’’ Maddie asked when Jack and Danny (who Jack found right after the event was over) entered the house later that evening. The sausages once again tied to the Fenton fishing line strolling in behind them and going straight for the fridge. They had to be tired.

‘’We won!’’ Jack shouted, showing her the big trophy he hid behind his back. It was at least 5 feet tall. ‘’The judges loved our outstanding performance!’’

‘’Or more like Vlad was the only judge left after everyone evacuated and he let us win just so dad takes them off of him.’’ Danny added before going up the stairs to his room.

‘’I still can’t believe my boys would confuse Vladdie for an evil ghost like that.’’ Jack shook his head looking off in the direction of the kitchen.

‘’I can.’’ Maddie muttered then looking at their award quickly added. ‘’What are you gonna do with this trophy, hon?’’

‘’Well it belongs to the sausages so I think we can just put it in their lair.’’

‘’Jack, we are not putting that in the fridge. The sausages are already taking too much space.’’

‘’It’s their home Mads!’’

The next morning Jack sat down in the living room to drink his morning coffee. He turned on the tv which showed the morning news coverage. And hey! They were talking about the contest from yesterday!

As Jack tuned in they were just showing a video clip that someone sent in. It was their last act! And recorded from such a high angle too! It was a bit shaky and some echo-ey sound that resembled a laugh distorted the audio a little bit, but he could still see his sausages attacking Vladdie very clearly!

Man, he couldn't believe it. He and his buddies were on the tv! He had to show them this!

He picked up the tv and ran to the fridge yelling.

‘’BOYS LOOK AT THIS!’’

#kad writes #phic phight 2023 #danny phantom

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tabletoptrinketsbyjj · 4 years

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Trinkets, Books, 8: An eclectic library of dusty tomes, fictional textbooks, pocketbooks, paperbacks, hardcovers, booklets, leaflets and magical manuals. Paper leaves and the binding surrounding them can help define a character, kick off a subplot, fuel a fetch quest or simply serve as a generic macguffin. Commonly seen in video games such as Baldur’s Gate, Neverwinter Nights, World of Warcraft and Skyrim, book items are a way to subtly world build while still handing out sellable loot. A wizard has a spellbook, a cleric has a holy text and now you have a trinket list.

The Seventy Maxims of Maximally Effective Mercenaries: A compact handbook detailing 70 concise sentences of wise words to prospective mercenaries. The first rule takes up the entire page and simply says: “Pillage THEN burn.”

The Tome of Furion: An unholy volume of dark magic bound in obsidian with pages of flayed Orc-hide. The inscribed letters writhe and shift like living creatures and the pages are warm to the touch even in the dead of winter. Reading the tome is excruciating, as even its most basic precepts are corrosive to the mind, body and soul.

Tales from Within: A leather-bound research and saga book of Garren the Bravefool, it details the pioneering efforts by the individual of killing giant creatures from within by being eaten by them and cutting his way out. Although the author notes Garren’s zeal leading to his death when he attempted his trade on a gelatinous cube, he is apparently credited (At least in this book) for the death of three dragons.

A fey made tome bound in sheet of smooth bark gilded in silver entitled “Lexicon of Stealing Mortal Babies”. The text is a guide to obtaining newborns from humans with tricks. The book is written in sylvan and the pages are transparent sheets, made from giant insect wings with text painted on.

A holy gospel of a fictional religion. The only god seems to be a tentacle monster formed of pasta, meatballs and eldritch power. Although the book is a paperback it has been design to appear as a hardcover.

A depressing but oddly romantic novel entitles “Wed to a Mortal” which tells the sad story of a lovestruck elf who loved a young mortal and how they spent 80 years together until he died of old age, leaving the elf a widow in the prime of her life.

A wood bound tome with the symbol of a tall black tower branded into the front cover. The volume is a true account of one of the first members of the Black Tower an order of male mages who served as soldiers and guardians of a world rocked by chaos and darkness. The book is partly historical but leans heavily on accounts taken from personal journals and reliable word of mouth stories from that era. According to all sources, the use of magic damaged their sanity and stole from their lifespan, making each solider a martyr in his own right. The sheer power they would wield astounded even themselves and the war they fought in preyed heavily on their souls. An anonymous poem that is attributed to a member of the Black Tower is etched into the inside of the front cover; “We rode on the winds of the rising storm, We ran to the sounds of the thunder. We danced among the lightning bolts, and tore the world asunder.”

A pulp romance book entitled “Secret Loves Of Dryads, Kiss And Tell Love Diaries Of Immortal Magical Seducers”. The paperback text has a number of dog-eared pages at some of the more stirring passages.

A discrete brownish book the size of a deck of cards without decoration or title. Its contests reveal themselves to be a Changeling training manual and guidebook on how the fey train the supernatural shapeshifters to infiltrate humans, live among them and carry out their nefarious goals.

Skin-bound Ledger: A small lined notebook bound in supple, tanned leather, with a dedication in the front cover reading "Binding from Reijek, RIP." Touching the ledger produces a deep sense of revulsion strong enough to prevent the weak-willed from looking at its contents. Inside is written a detailed list of transactions, with columns for Name, Quantity (g), Surface Area (m2), Skin Quality, and Police Inquiry (y/n?).

—Keep reading for 90 more trinkets.

—Click Here for additional Book Descriptions to give these objects even more personality.

—Note: The previous 10 items are repeated for easier rolling on a d100.

Perfection Attained: A delicate handbook in immaculate physical condition. The work serves as a reference to personal grooming, hygiene and good manners for elves.

Summoning Demons and Befriending Fiends, What NOT to Do: A musty volume bound in flaky, deteriorating black leather, its title being barely legible. The author of the book draws from his vast body of knowledge and experience in courting creatures from the Abyss, the Nine Hells, and beyond to provide the reader with a comprehensive list of do's and don’ts when attempting to contact, summon, or otherwise deal with such creatures.

Sources of Magic: A basic textbook bound in tanned leather that is commonplace to nearly every institution of magical learning. The book, written by a powerful and long-dead sorcerer, is every spellcaster's go-to resource for studying the origins of magic as well as serving as a jumping-off point for researchers in any area of magical study. Much of the information in the book is widely-known and somewhat fundamental, but a good grasp of the fundamentals of magical knowledge can be a powerful thing.

An unsuspecting handbook entitled “Rogues Can but Thieves’ Cant” that serves as a dictionary for translating common into the secret language of the criminal underworld and vice versa.

Gras: A book entitled simply "Fat" in its original language, this is the definitive cookbook of the Sovereign Isles, a land known for its creation and embracement of fat-frying and buttered everything. Croissant, steak chips, liver, cheeses, oily fish: All served with bread and wine and defined by their buttery richness.

Arcane Trickery and Dastardly Deeds: A shoddy paperback that is written partly in Common and partly in Goblin. This text gives detail and step-by-step instructions on carrying out multitudes of pranks, tricks, and traps using various forms of low-level magics. While the average magic-user may not learn anything new or practical in the realms of spells and rituals, they may find that some of the author's applications of well-known and widely-used spells are supremely creative; although, perhaps a bit mean-spirited and sadistic at times.

A thief’s memoir entitled “The Art of the Steal by Ronald J. Rump aka Ronny Rump”. The book is an exhaustive treatise on all forms of stealing, from picking pockets to running a loan bureau.

Lessig's Guide to Northern Beasts: A book penned by Field Sergeant Artr Lessig, of Pyle, distinguished as the Ward Rangers' most senior active officer, has over four decades of ranging seen nigh-every animal and monster to roam the moors, forests, and mountainous fjordlands of the North. Lessig recalls in its sketch-illustrated pages encounters mundane and incredible, including with such beasts as stryge and pool-nymphs. All of these he escaped, often barely, unscathed. His ability to survive the monstrous is rivaled only by his luck in encountering it.

The Cognitive Nature of Magic: A book that claims magic is limited by the mind only. It states that we as a society place limits on spells, without these limits even a lowly cantrip could have wish level effects. It presents "experiments" it claims proofs this such as how a simple mending spell cannot repair living skin yet it can repair leather. It claims this proves societies perception of things effects magic. A knowledge PC will find that the author's ideas actually do have some merit but the wording or the argument and the style of the author's rhetoric is abysmal and worthy of a pulpy political debate.

The Book of Numbers: A book that contains every number in existence, even those ones that shouldn't exist. The text is at the same time, mind numbingly boring and ridiculously confusing.

The Predator. A rare and insightful work published by renowned anthropologist and natural philosopher Dr. Wallace Piedmont, of Lastreshire shortly before his disappearance. A treatise compiling all his research and case material on the Feywild, a realm he classifies as a "dominant and predatory ecosystem" and frequently refers to as simply "the Predator." A world naturally bent on influential expansion, composed of a network of species both familiar and alien, all of which, even the sentient ones, exist in unnatural symbiosis. Piedmont, supported by evidence retrieved on his many expeditions to feywild portals, diagrams the biology of the fey in detail never before seen (As these diagrams were gleaned by performing untold vivisections and autopsies), including detailed analyses of its sentient species, including pixies, redcaps, and dryads; topics fearful, forbidden, and folkloric in their mystery, broached with candor and method not before attempted. His book is banned anywhere where the fey are considered allies. It is uncommonly available in other countries, although very expensive.

A journal kept by a king's personal valet, which contains a complete record of the lineage of the current King, complete with all mentions of affairs and bastard children.

Wyrm in a Bottle: A book containing a detailed account of how one with proficiency in magic could create an enchanted container then bait, ensnare and place a draconic creature within. However it consistently references seemingly made up or unheard of spells and materials.

The Redwater Journal: A collection of notes that has recently become popular reading in port cities. The notes, now reprinted and bound in red linen, were found two decades ago on the waterlogged corpse of a sailor, who was spotted, floating, on open water midst the Trackless Isles. His notes tell of the fearful last days of the whaling ship Spineback. They describe how its course became lost in a fog bank, how it’s first hand was first to go mad from whispering song. How its crew were eventually stolen from the rails as they stared, transfixed, at the reddened water below.

No Nose for Nonsense: A novella presenting a spirited epic about a Dwarf called Bra'al the Nosebreaker who is exiled from his homeland. He moves to the coast to poach Merfolk and sell their components to exotic nobles. It ends with a small band of strangers visiting the fishing village. Who, coming together to solve the series of curses and problems his poaching caused, removed his ring of water walking and let him drown as he sunk to the merky* depths of the ocean. (*A pun because it was merfolk waters).

Eight Ate and Ain't; An unsuspecting handbook whose pages are stained with brown and green liquids. It seems cryptic, meandering and at times nonsensical. Those fluent in Thieves Cant (The language of rogues and scoundrels) are able to read what is truly says; A poisoner's guide for creating for eight different ingested poisons with different crippling or fatal effects.

The Clever Folk: An old and out-of-print collection of original children's tales, all of which concern the fearful and enigmatic fairy creature that is the black-eyed spriggan. Its publisher ceased all production after certain allegations of actual fey communion emerged concerning the author, who reportedly lived in a cottage surrounded by strange charms and little-toed footprints. It remains a desired book, not by children, but by magicians and adventures: Practitioners interested in the ways of the fey’s servants.

The Blessing of Bone Smoking; Osteomancy for Beginners: A detailed exposition of the funeral ritual prescribed by Secrund (The aspect of death). An important bone of the deceased is alchemically processed and smoked to infuse the imbibing person with some of the powers and memories the deceased had in life. Certain bones have different stores of powers and memories and the book strongly cautions against doing too much of one being or any of something too powerful.

Incurable Curses of Mimetic Transference: A book filled with incurable curses, jinx’s and hexes, some benign and others malevolent with their afflictions in an array of varying degrees. Upon viewing any curse, the reader will suffer an immense compulsion to read its entry, with the farther they go the more difficult it is to stop. If read far enough then the reader will learn about the nature of the curse, how to make it, safeguard against it, and how to detect it but never how to cure it. However, if they read it to completion then they themselves will be afflicted by it, and in any attempt to share the information they've learned will in turn "infect" the listener with said curse.

The Collected Works of Merrill: A book of poetry penned by Merrill, an antique poet of mysterious origin. Whoever he or she was, they wrote a substantial body, mostly pastoral, sweetly rhymed, and finished by flat, disturbing notes. Scholars have observed many of Merrill's works reference fey phenomena: a field of study that is fearful and poorly-understood, at best. As a result, to those who care for such a thing, Merrill's Collected Works have become a useful, if vague, reference in understanding the Feywild and its black-eyed denizens.

Aio's Political Manifesto: An old slightly singed manuscript from a book written in squid ink by a Lord Aio. It argues against feudalism and monarchies and promotes a more ideal magically selected government.

A guidebook exploring and explaining the nature of demons and their biology. It explains the different types and has various speculations from the author as to how they all relate to each other. It attempts to put them in a hierarchy of which is superior proposing each demon is a step closer to what the God's intended than the previous type.

The Limit of Man: An inflammatory journalistic expose on the traditions, cruel alchemical transformative processes, and totalitarian institution of holy order of Alagóran knight-paladins. It describes, in no lack of gruesome detail, the ways in which a young human is broken down, both in mind and body, and reassembled into a dubious paragon of "humanity." Unavailable in its subject-country, this short book has thrown the methods and ethics of some knight-orders continent-wide into question.

A Material Realm Fling: An erotic romance novel about a demon and an angel being sent to stop the others deeds and ultimately falling in love. It's told from the perspective of a farmer who helps hide their love and the author claims to be the farmer. It ends in heartbreak as the demon must leave back to the hells. At the back of the book are angrily scribbled comments with two clear identifiable handwriting claiming the book is false and full of lies.

Arcanium of Outsider Entities: A large leather bound book, with a silver clasp and electrum leaf writing on the front. It is dated to 1562 in an unknown calendar, and the book holds faint traces of magical protection. It details a variety of outsider entities, and how both to interact as well as protect oneself from them.

The Los Karkinos Letters: A bound series of correspondence between two prominent statesmen on one of the most fractious issues of the last century: The restructure of government houses and agencies following a recent war. Regarded as a masterclass in diplomacy in the face of seemingly insurmountable partisan tensions, but also reviled as a prime example of systemic corruption within the state, whether related to the church or the principality.

Black Book of the Hunt: A Hunter’s journal of the process of fighting both undead and beasts, it provides both a list over common knowledge on a few of these creatures, as well as handwritten notes on specific weaknesses, and properties of metal for hunting use.

Chronicles of the Wolf War: A drake-skin leather tome, imbued with faint magic to protect it from wear and tear. The book is dated back to the year of 1102, in an unknown calendar. It contains the history of a great war between Orcs of Gruumsh against a coalition of Elves and Dwarves, in the distant lands of the West. The book contains names of some great lords of the war as well as a few heroes, and refers to a battle known as “Blackfire Pass”, a great battle against vast armies where the elves and dwarves managed to beat back hordes of orcs.

The Mersdotr Medical Manual: A small, red book sturdily bound. Favored by adventurers, who swear by its simple, reliable advice in times of illness and injury. Many a life has been saved by its perusal, by little pages turned under bloody fingers and frantic eyes.

The Life and Death of Necromancy: A smallish, black, leather bound journal filled with the scribbling notes of a past wizard, a skull of silver is set on the front of the book. The text concerns itself on the exact nature of necromantic effects and how to turn such effects to beneficial energy. The writing are imperfect theories and require years to decades of extensive testing before yielding conclusive results.

Mez’kadan’s Ouroboros: A large tome, bound in leather and clasped with gold. A closer inspection of the volume reveals that each page is perfectly preserved drakeskin inscribed with black ink. It describes the scientific use of most metals, and the properties these metals can contribute to a concoction, making it a useful reference tool for any alchemic project.

The Book of Knives. A book penned by an enthusiast of dangerous penchants that catalogues the blades of the kingdom. Stilettos, soap knives, messers; all are accounted for and described in form, history, and purpose.

The Works of Warding: A dark blue book set with silver runes, its pages written in a special silver ink which shines whenever the book is opened. The book is a compendium of abjuration and protective magic, with a specific focus on the research and development of creating new arcane barriers and shields. This specific volume is part of a regularly published series with multiple authors.

A heavy old tome with yellowed pages and a blank cover. The book does not match the design of any other books in the area and has a somewhat homemade feel to it. Nearly all the pages are filled with impressively lifelike sketches of an assortment of common folk, each with a smile on their face. All the drawings seem to be situated in the same village, with a single family and house appearing more frequently than any of the others. Extremely knowledgeable PC’s will be able to discern that each of the members of that family bear a slight resemblance to the physical description of a notorious witch who resides in the surrounding area.

Tales of the Yawning Portal: A great leather bound book, from the hide of some kind of red and orange colored monstrosity, inside inked on the pages are stories of the Yawning Portal, a mythical tavern that supposedly appears for tired travelers in times of need. Inside they find safety and rest, but when they awaken, they discover that they have been transported great distances into the far off places of the world.

A wizard's spellbook bound in copper plates, filled with silk pages that have been written on with golden ink.

A well-used copy of Danver Teth’s “Of Blazing Glory”, a religious volume honored by the church of the fire god. Inscribed on the opening page is the following written in a flowing, red script: “This foretells of the coming fire. When the Flame ascends, all glory comes to the Pitmaster!”

A large tome bound in thick bison-hide that is a common-orcish language primer, as well as a primer on orcish culture. The author of the primer, Darius Woodherd, seems to have added a lot of information on orcish heraldry and politics, as well. The foreword mentions that Darius spent almost twenty years amongst the orcs of the north, and eventually married an orc before being killed a score of years ago in a rival tribe’s ambush.

A strange bestiary that details all the different creatures from another world, though you have never seen nor heard of any of them and neither has anyone else.

Tome Of Neverlife: A book infused with strong necromantic energy that is so palpably evil, it radiates a feeling of dread to every non-evil creature within 30 feet. The grimoire’s pages contain a selection of rare necromancy spells and decoded within its pages lies a method to becoming a lich.

A manuscript of military outpost construction, the plans are quite detailed and might be worth something to a military or mercenary leader. The fort is meant for 100 soldiers and is thus far too large for adventuring groups. The book has descriptions and pictures of wall and ditch fortifications, siege defense measures, sanitation facilities, tent and building layouts, watchtowers, digging wells, and underground storage. The book has options for building and maintaining temporary (A week or less) outposts as well as permanent and semi-permanent fortifications.

The Trade of Blades: A series of historically based, fictional tales of various infamous blade-runners (Weapon smugglers) throughout a series of civil wars. The stories focus on the charm, ingenuity and quick sleazy thinking of the various criminal protagonists as they sell weapons to both sides of the conflict. Many of the war profiteers have hearts of gold despite their illicit affiliations a common theme through the stories is minimizing civilian casualties and making sure children and innocents are spared from the ravages of war as much as possible.

Fundamentals of Terrible Destruction: A primer of war and siegecraft focusing only on offensive strategies and the complete annihilation of the enemy at every cost.

The Thrill of the Chaste: A religious text of a group who worship the ideals of cleanliness and sexual abstinence. It details the extremely strict dietary, sexual, and clothing restrictions which followers must follow.

Cipher Book: A compact pocketbook that contains numbered grids on each page which simply and easily catalog random lists of words. This allows a user to write messages which substitute letters and numbers that reference the page, row, and column of a particular word found within the cipher book. These books are always sold in pairs to allow two different creatures to pass coded messages over long distances, however this book's mate is nowhere to be found.

Book of War Prayers: A small, leather-bound collection of war prayers written on pages of fine vellum. The prayers are interdenominational and seem to only have war in common than any specific god, religion or specific alignment. Secular readers could easily adapt most of these prayers into rallying speeches to inspire an army before battle.

Book of Puzzles: A book containing two dozen puzzles made to test the mind and stir the intellect. The nature of the puzzles vary from math, logic, critical and abstract thinking as well as cryptic. Answering each puzzle gives the reader part of a final secret riddle. The secret riddle at the end can only be answered when all the previous ones have been solved for their piece of it, and it if far more complex that the others.

A book made of thin glass plates bound in copper. When held, it fills itself with treasured illustrated fables that the reader heard in their childhood.

A book describing the history of the evil God Tash, an enemy of the Great Lion whose father is emperor-over-the-Sea. Tash is described as an unclothed humanoid demon, much larger than a man, with four arms and the head of a vulture with a cloud of pestilent insects that surround him constantly. His presence brings cold and the sickening stench of death. Tash’s followers are a warring people and often invade neighboring areas in order to capture men to sacrifice on the altar of Tash. The war cry of his fanatics is enough to make the blood of a brave man turn to ice in his veins: "In the name of Tash the irresistible, the inexorable--forward!"

Tome of Remembrance: A small, leather-bound book whose first few pages are filled with assorted prayers. Knowledgeable PC's know that these books are created empty with each page filling with the prayers of its owner as they are offered to their god. The owner of this tome should be careful that their less-than-pious prayers and wishes may be recorded as well.

A fairly simple leather-bound book filled to the brim with the hand-written history of the Church of Bahamut written inside, in Draconic. According to the first few pages, it belonged to a dragonborn cleric of Bahamut, Plynic Loremark, who was convinced that coded in the text was an ancient prophecy.

Book of Fel Names: A grotesque book bound by the stitched together hides of several demons and fiends. The entire text is written in the language of devils and must be deciphered to be understood. The book appears to be a ledger of sorts written by a middling devil and contains the true names of a few dozen minor imps and the favors they owe to the author.

Collection of Legendary Tales: A leather-bound book containing a collection of the most awe-inspiring, captivating stories sung at taverns and told around campfires across the land.

Beginner's Guide to Dimensional Rifting: A small book containing a seven step process for mastering dimensional travel in one week, provided all the knowledge is there. *Disclaimer: The knowledge is never there.

The Big Book o' Beards: A small pocketbook containing dozens of beard grooming techniques complete with instructions and images. It features such favorites as the 'Thundermar Triple-Fork' and the 'Blammenhammer Chin Strip.'

Wildhammer Book of Verse: A small pocketbook of a collection of the filthiest limericks ever penned to parchment.

Diary of Balldir Deeprock: A travel journal filled with waterlogged pages that have mostly faded. Careful reading near the end reveals some lines about field testing a poison immunity. There are no entries after that.

A small songbook containing a complete set of sheet music and lyrics to the bawdy tavern song “The Hedgehog Can Never Be Buggered At All ”

A small handbook of baby names for males and females of various races and cultures, arranged in alphabetical order.

A well-kept travel journal bound in black leather. It is completely filled with an indecipherable script that disappears when a shadow passes over it.

Book of Cults: A strange leather-bound book containing erratic handwriting. The words within it appear to have been translated from Gnome into Common (and perhaps some other language before Gnome). It contains notations of strange cult practices, disturbing rants about ancient godlike beings, and confusing diagrams resembling summoning circles, with many parts crossed out or obliterated with ink or fire.

Interview with Some Vampires, by Ena Neric: A black leather bound book with a symbol of a fanged mouth colored a blood red on the front cover. The author spent extensive time meeting with a wide range of known vampires. Her precise question-and-answer style writing has become the definitive work on the subject of these cursed undead.

St. Aubert's Book of the Damned: A vile work that contains detailed descriptions of all the evil private demiplanes of existence, as well as the summoning rituals for every denizen. Knowledgeable PC’s will know that to protect the information from evil hands, a hundred copies were made, each with slightly incorrect information from the original. Using the information found in one of the copies to summon a demon, would result in a quick death at best and the loss and eternal torture of your soul at worst. There is no way to know if this tome is the original or a copy.

A hand-written memoir of an ineffective bureaucrat who never managed to do anything noteworthy over his extensive career.

A mage’s spellbook bound in copper and trimmed with hippopotamus tooth. When the tome is opened, it flashes with bright light. According to the inside of the front cover, the original owner was one Darward Zelus.

Scry Hard; A Good Way to Scry: A particularly edgy and bombastic work of literature that aims to equip the reader with a deeper knowledge of arcane scrying.

Astraldynamics 101: A beat-up and heavily-used leather-bound textbook that provides the reader with details on cosmological history and structure, the fundamentals of Astral projecting, what risks are entailed in traveling by Astral means, and how best to prepare oneself for taking such a journey.

Tome of the Southern Sigil: A leather-bound book written in Draconic, in a delicate handwriting. It describes the specific motions and practices required to train monks in the Quivering Palm technique. Rather than a primer, it assumes that the reader is already an accomplished martial artist, in good physical condition and able to focus and direct their inner chi. While an interesting topic, the overwhelming majority of readers would not be able to execute the Quivering Palm technique in any form.

Stranger In My Dreams: A nondescript journal that talks about the author recalling a depraved creature who over time got closer and closer to her in her dreams. The book seems to be a diary and was never finished. In the last passage, the author says that the monster has finally come within arm’s reach of her. Upon reading the entire volume the reader immediately suffers psychic damage equivalent to a dagger.

Patterns of Behavior: A small hardcover anthology of mood affecting quilt work and fabric designs. Inside is dozens of pictures and instructions to create a variety of patterns that slightly affects one’s mood when looked upon.

Income Management and Financial Assessment: A book containing several long chapters detailing ways to horde, hide, and invest gold. Hidden within are several nude illustrations of females of the common races.

Learn To Read: An incredibly dense book that details the process of learning the art of reading Common, almost impossible to understand, even for those fluent in Common.

An Almanack of Practical Mortis: An exhaustive collection of tables detailing how corpses decompose under various circumstances, along with an appendix that explains step-by-step how to remove maggots, close large wounds, and reset broken bones.

Crying Laughing: An alchemical reference guide which details a large number of funny and entertaining uses of tears, outlining their magical and alchemical properties.

Hilarious Knock-Knock Jokes to Say Out Loud: A thin and surprisingly old-looking book containing a few genuinely good knock-knock jokes. At least one punchline is actually the true name of a powerful demon which attracts her attention when said aloud granting her an opportunity to break through into this plane of existence.

The Next Hunt - Volume I, Wyverns: A ranger’s guide bound in lizard skin that is the first in a series of installments detailing an abundance of methods for finding and hunting various monsters. Each volume covers a different creature. This text details the highly aggressive yet simple minded dragon species known as the wyverns.

Our Friend the Cactus: A black wood bound tome written by a dwarf wizard by the name of Daven Wraithmail. This treatise explains the growth and upkeep of a Gulthias Tree as well as several manners to corrupt seeds of other trees in order to create a suitable vessel. An entire chapter is dedicated to the domestication of the resulting blights which sprout from said tree and their training to better protect your new sapling.

To Cheat A Devil: An autobiography of a man who tricked dozens of minor devils, and even a few archdevils into doing his nefarious bidding. It seems like this man should be much more well known if the events described in this book actually took place.

The True Rulers of Our Countries: A controversial document in and of its own right, this book talks about the creation of the Prime Material and Inner planes. A thin volume which only contains four pieces of paper, however these papers are magically enchanted to pass through the thousands of pages of content which this book holds. The author of the document seems almost too knowing on the subject, almost as if he were there...

The Night's Embrace: A book about the primordial titans, mostly legend and myth, collected by an eccentric young wizard who traveled the planes looking for information about them. This book is highly frustrating to scholars because the last entry is the beginning of a summary of an actual historical document, which has never been found. The book is unfinished and the wizard has not been seen for hundreds of years.

The Story of Graye: The story of a slave forced to be a pit-fighter who turned to meditation as an escape from his violent life. This book is not well written, and is probably an earlier work of a novice author that never reached widespread fame.

A large, weather resistant guidebook entitled “So Your Son Is a Centaur”, written by Wiltlin Lorearthen. The book contains minor translating magics and can be read and understood by any human, horse or centaur regardless of what languages they do or do not speak.

A leatherbound guidebook bound with expert stitching entitled “Something I Cobbled Together: A Guide To Shoe Repair”. The author mentions that her dedication to her profession is unmatched and that no matter who you happen to be, if you come into her shop in need, she will heel you, she will save your sole and she will even dye for you.

A small black book containing names, descriptions, and important information about hundreds of politically or socially significant individuals written in neat, tight script.

The Enchiridion of the Evoker: A grey book, though covered in a thick gold leaf, that appears mostly plain. When touched by a creature capable of casting magical spells however, the books shines brightly in a myriad of colors. The book is a compendium of evocation magic, with a specific focus on the research and development of creating new offensive spells. This specific volume is part of a regularly published series with multiple authors.

Bali's Folio: A flawless tome written upon silk pages and bound in monstrous hide trimmed with bone. A map of the local area, with several landmarks drawn in red ink, has been added in the middle of the tome. Knowledgeable PC’s will be able to determine that the areas in red are good sources for either harvesting or purchasing alchemical and arcane supplies.

So Long, and Thanks for All the Ale: The humorous tale of Tarvish the dwarf, who had unpaid bar tabs worth a total of 10,000 gold all across the country before being arrested.

Backstage: A tell-all book detailing the more mundane dangers of the adventuring life, like insufficient supplies, inappropriate gear, public reactions, illnesses and the common lack of money. The text has tips and advice on how to prevent and deal with the issues as they pop up, which usually all boils down to travel three days march in any direction and kill things for money.

Every. Accomplished. Recognizable. Sentient. by Tommeltop the Gnome: An encyclopedia of anyone who accomplished anything of moderate note ever, however most of each page is dedicated to greatly exaggerated, suitably cringy and oddly romantic paragraphs about how great each person’s ears must have been. Any brave soul who actually reads the book through is suddenly able to recall in perfect detail the ears of anyone they’ve ever seen before for no apparent reason.

Liber Daemonicum: A religious book, sacred to a chapter of holy warriors known as the Grey Knights that contains prayers, battle rituals, litanies, funeral rites, and lore on the nature of Chaos. While it may appear to be a normal book, opening it will reveal a series of flickering paper-thin sheets of unbreakable glass that contain interactive information that can be brought to focus or enlarged. Page after page discusses tactics and how to fight the denizens of the nine hells, as well as, listing the True Names of a great many Daemonic entities; information collected from the Librarium Daemonica. The book pulls no punches; it includes an extensive discourse of when to terminate allies under demonic influence and a whole chapter discussing the moral implications and appropriate use of purifying entire cities by the use of razing them to the ground by sword and fire, exterminating the guilty and the innocent alike.

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deloresisout · 4 years

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I wrote this story for a creative writing contest at my college - then shit hit the fan after the deadline [social distancing] so I don’t even know if I’ll hear back from faculty anytime soon. This was my first time writing in 1st Person (or rather converting a story into 1st person) and I was proud enough to show some people close to me in real life. So, I’m going to post this excerpt here.

I have found that with my increasing age, those around me expect me to be a walking contradiction. Of course, they would never say this out loud, but I have watched as young women wait with bated breath: anticipating for words of wisdom to emerge from my lips. I have also watched as some of these very same women then expressed surprise - astonishment even, that I am capable of recalling years long behind me.

The ability to recall my days spent within the walls of Julienne have brought on many gazes of wonder. But nothing brings forth an abundance of questions more than the fact that I can recall my grandfather with the same clarity.

Even as I keep to myself, the sight of menthol cigarettes neatly packaged and placed atop shelves reminds me of billowing smoke drifting through his dining room. A place I spent much of my childhood studying in.

Then, there are times when my heart swells with warmth when I see men like my husband conceal his silver locks with a flat, rounded cap. Unless Granddaddy was working in the barbershop or, if he was within the sanctity of his own home, a hat would always stay perched on his head. Yes, it was his trademark.

But, even among the woolen flat caps, the menthols, and the strong Southern twang revealing his Alabama roots, one of the things that I will always closely associate with my grandfather would be his rings. Grandaddy possessed so many rings, but I was not given permission to do anything except look on. Once, great admiration had been tied to my yearnful gazes. However, when Ms. Bedel moved in, my days of secretly caressing thick, metallic gold ended. Like granddaddy, she too, is a person I will never forget.

In our early days together, Granddaddy’s rotund lover told me that she was not my mother. In that very same breath, her eyes narrowed as she further asserted she would never be my mother. Despite this, she fulfilled the needs my seven-year-old counterpart required when it came to maternal care.

Ms. Bedel, in my eyes, was a woman who was never truly appreciated by those around her. I know that she certainly wouldn't have been by today’s standards, either. Because even in my time as a wide-eyed, meek child in 1961, there were whispers of how she was too strict. Too reflective of the period that cultivated her.

Her full name was “Lucille Tallulah Masters-Bedel.” At the time, I did not know how a person could have two last names, but later I would find that ‘Bedel’ came from her deceased husband. This was not necessary for me to know at the age of seven.

During my adolescence, a child was to stay in a child’s place. Seen, not heard. Boundaries that children manage to cross today were intolerable in my time.

Being ever obedient, I never thought of doing anything other than what I was told. Appreciation factored into my blind ignorance and how could it not? Ms. Bedel was the one who bathed me at the end of each day. De-tangled my hair. Ensured I clasped my hands together and told God of my utmost gratitude each night. I have no doubt in my mind that each day I spent with Ms. Bedel, the more she came to love me.

This belief was proven in how she provided me with the loveliest dresses. She made sure Granddaddy would use his hard-earned money so that I remained a well-groomed girl, decent for both neighbors and distant cousins to lay their eyes upon if they happened to see me. I can even remember believing that Ms. Bedel once purchased me the dress of my dreams.

It was all white, its collar delicately laced. Lilac flowers in bloom decorated the fabric gorgeously. With my anklet socks and patent leather shoes, the pious women of the community would coo over me, sweetening my self-image by calling me names such as baby doll.

There even came a point in which I had the honor of being among Ms. Bedel’s jewelry, that evening I was almost trembling in her lap. Watching intently as Ms. Bedel clutched onto a small key and inserted it into the jewelry box slot, I could feel my heart pounding. With a turn the box was open, and treasures were revealed right before my eyes.

As I had mentioned, I was an obedient child. If someone said, “don’t do that,” I would not engage in whatever was before me. If somebody said, “don’t speak,” I would never open my mouth. So being given permission to trace rings and necklaces and earrings with my little fingertips filled me with the utmost delight.

While basking in this privilege, I realized there existed differences between a man’s ring and a woman’s own.

Granddaddy’s rings were thick accessories of solid colors, more often than not the dimmest shades of silver and gold. It was almost as if they were old decorations that lost what could once make them shine. There were a few bumps and prongs, but frankly, there is nothing else I can say that compares them to the mesmerizing jewels in Ms. Bedel’s prized jewelry box.

“Where do these come from?” I couldn’t help but ask. “Child, everything you see before you has a story.” With this answer, I thought I would learn about the source of the beautiful pearls of Ms. Bedel’s necklace, or where on earth the little diamonds in her rings came from. I was too ignorant to recognize the wistfulness that hung in my elder’s voice. “During the Harlem Renaissance, I held a man named Aliki Eliopoulos in the palm of my hand. He was bronze, Greek, and we thought we could make it through the odds.” The brief huff that blew from Ms. Bedel’s nostrils was strong: “one night, he found me after the curtains closed and he presented this. This necklace is dear to me…I suppose because I never quite knew where Aliki went.” Pointing out another piece of jewelry was not needed as Ms. Bedel rose whatever called to her the most.

“This engagement ring - not a wedding ring - engagement, was given to me by my first husband. To accept it would mean I would make a vow for him. He knew of my past and knew that even if I couldn’t right my wrongs, I could try to start over with his name.”

Again, she expanded her chest with her second mighty huff. During that moment I wondered, how can this woman seem so disillusioned yet keep each belonging? Belongings that provide her with such unpleasant memories. Where did the hatred end and the sentiment begin?

“True love is a concept,” Ms. Bedel said, the resentment never leaving her tongue. “The idea of that sort of thing existing is new, too. People don’t realize that...but Delores.”

“Ma’am?” I replied. For no reason, I was stricken with fear in how she said my name. All I had known was that she said it with such sharpness that surely my own faults were on the verge of being mentioned - whatever those faults may have been.

“Do not follow in my footsteps.”

I believe Ms. Bedel was sixty-six at this time. The same age as I am now. Ironically

enough, I feel I can understand her without even having the full pieces of her story. My grandfather was a lover of women who were respectable and clean. Women who would not taint his image by being well-known throughout the city for scandalous tales.

I will never say that Ms. Bedel was not a woman who presented herself with high caliber. She sang opera long before becoming involved with my grandfather. She possessed clothes in her closet that continued bearing their tags. Perhaps it was loneliness that brought my grandfather to her, but that I do not know for certain. All I know is that at the end of the day, Granddaddy felt Ms. Bedel would be the most appropriate woman to guide me through my adolescence.

Still, to think back on the many statements - the way her eyes fixed on me, lets me know she was not a pinnacle of virtuous deeds throughout her life.

However, at that particular moment, all I knew was that I disliked the heavy silence her statement brought. It became my intention to steer away from talk of vows and purity so as I refocused on the piled riches, I noticed an emerald glistening among gold and rubies. The longer I stared into it, the more I noticed that it had lighter streaks. Appearing and disappearing depending on my movement. It was like thunder and lightning had been coursing within it. “Ms. Bedel...where did that ring come from?” I asked. “This -” Ms. Bedel lifted it, studied it. “This belonged to my mother.” “Did her husband give it to her, too?”

“My mother was never married.” With that unpleasant remark came another pause that I felt lasted forever. When Ms. Bedel spoke again: it was clear and amazingly without strain, “she hailed from a place in the South that was so unimportant that it can’t even be defined by a name.” She paused, asking me: “Do you know what slave labor is?”

Even in my discomfort, I nodded. “What is it then?” Ms. Bedel did not believe I had a wealth of knowledge. I knew it just from the strength of her gaze. Timid, my fingers slid against the hardwood of her dresser. Not knowing any better, I began recalling how at the age of five Granddaddy decided it was time I learn how Africans - not even colored people, but Africans - were chained like dogs and brought to America. After that, they were bound to pick cotton all day under the sun. That was slave labor, my young mind decided.

“What Africans had to do...” I answered, just barely connecting my gaze with her own.

“No.” My idea was correct, but wrong.

“My mother may not have been picking cotton, but she did live under those horrid conditions. After I was born, my mother bundled me up and took me with her as she journeyed North. Of course, being a colored woman, she didn’t have the luxury of driving or possessing a fortune to get her there in an instant. She worked as a maid here and there until she reached New York...and there was one woman before that.” She paused.

“We were in Kentucky…” Ms. Bedel refrained from speaking yet again, hissing: “I hate Kentucky...and I will never forget that woman as long as I live...she,” Ms. Bedel’s lips were curling, “she was downright nasty. That woman sat so high on her horse, that she had my mother feeding her baby through her teat.”

My face was surely pulling in disgust. I did not understand what was said just the right amount to be puzzled, but I understood enough to be both bewildered and uncomfortable.

“From time to time, my mother would take little things from her house. Sugar, flour. Things that wouldn’t be missed. But before we left Kentucky and never looked back, my mother thought she deserved something more in return, and this ring was it. After my mother passed on, I received it. This beauty has been with me ever since…” Suddenly Ms. Bedel took on a soft and tender tone, it was as if she placed her past behind her. “Try it on.”

Not only was I soothed by a far preferable tone, but I was also elated. Yes, it felt as though I was ascending to new heights. My high emotions would soon leave as the ring was placed on my finger, limp. “Oh…” Ms. Bedel’s lips pushed out, sympathetic. “It’s too big for you…”

“My fingers are too little…” I felt like I was an infant, helpless and insignificant.

“Maybe.” Ms. Bedel took my hand into her own, covering it in love. “One day you’ll grow into it.”

#PAST. / SHAPED BY EVERY MOMENT.#THE LITTLEJOHN FAMILY. / A LOST LEGACY.

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gleepotluckbigbang · 5 years

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Coffee Shop Writing Prompts by @veronicabunchwrites

To start you guys off, a prompt list by @veronicabunchwrites. Veronica is no longer on Tumblr, only on Pillowfort, so I can’t reblog, only repost, sorry about that. The original post can be found here.

100 coffee shop au writing prompts!

there’s something about people meeting and falling in love over hot drinks that presents such a cozy atmosphere. it’s no wonder that it’s a favourite. some of these prompts are classic because who can resist the tried and true?

01. clearly you’re going through a bad breakup because this playlist is the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard and I’m begging you please change it 02. you’re my favourite employee because you always have my order ready on the days I’m running late to the office 03. I order the same thing as my boss in case something happens to their coffee and one day, you write your number on the cup I give to my boss 04. my friend swears that you can pick the perfect drink for anyone but I’m skeptical because there’s no way you can look at someone and just know their order - and of course, you nail my drink 05. I run the shop beside your bookstore and I’m trying to convince you that it could be beneficial to knock down the wall between our shops and you’re being a big pain in the ass about it 06. I hired you to make drinks not flirt with every customer that walks in and how dare you accuse me of jealousy, get back to work 07. you were a dick to my coworker so I’ve been writing insults on your cups and why the hell do you keep coming back here anyway?

08. I know you’re about to close and I swear I’ll give you a $20 tip, can you please just take my order? I’ve had the worst day possible 09. a $20 tip isn’t worth me staying open late, but then you burst into tears and I end up asking you if you want to hang around to talk 10. you’re the night manager who runs open mic nights and I’m the baker who starts at 3am so sometimes our paths cross and I like talking to you 11. you never order the same thing more than once and just as you’re about to get to the end of the menu, I start adding new things because I’m afraid you’ll stop coming in 12. I’ve been writing lame jokes on your cups because you’re the grumpiest person ever and you finally crack a smile 13. you always get my order wrong and I’m pretty sure you’re doing it on purpose just so you get a free drink out of it because employees have a crap discount 14. I’ve been working on this essay/project/article/etc. for the last ten hours and I’ve barely moved so you come over to give me something to eat and ask if I’m okay 15. I’m dragged to open mic night by my best friend, and while I’m ordering my drink, your voice fills the room and I’m mesmerized 16. there’s a poetry slam and while I’ve never gone on stage, I’m obsessed with your stuff 17. you were rude so I insult you and you just left a $50 tip??? who the fuck do you think you are? 18. I decided to use my personal (and massive) mug collection when I opened my shop and you start hanging around just to see which mug you’ll get 19. I open a cat cafe with a separate room for the cats that are all available to adopt, and you keep coming in to sit with them even though you’re allergic 20. I haven’t seen you in years but you just walked into my coffee shop and by your snooty attitude, you don’t seem to know that I own the place 21. I really don’t care that you’re a famous celebrity, you will stand in line just like everyone else and that’s that 22. this shop is really busy but I need their wifi, so could we share this table? 23. we’re working on our school project in this cafe and I’m pretty sure my group just figured out that I have a crush on you 24. I have a job interview and you're the clumsy employee who just spilled hot coffee all down my white shirt 25. I’m on the worst blind/Tinder/Grindr date and you ‘accidentally’ dump a drink on my date to save me 26. you’re a big city person visiting my tiny coffee shop in a small town and you’re so rude when you ask if we have cappuccinos that I lie and say no 27. I just bumped into my ex so I slip my arm in yours to pretend you’re my current partner even though you were just standing in line behind me 28. my umbrella broke and I just stepped into your shop soaking wet and you run upstairs to get me some towels from your apartment and I’m sorry I’m crying but this is the nicest thing that’s happened to me all week 29. my AC isn’t working at my apartment so I’ve been spending most of my spare time here and using your wifi and I think you’re flirting with me 30. I’ve been hanging out more because I sit at the counter to watch two baristas flirt (OT3 bonus!) / and you join me so we make a bet on when they’ll get together 31. I named my coffee shop Coffee Shop and you’re the customer who loudly talks about how stupid the name is 32. I’ve been sitting in the break room wondering how to ask you out on a date when you come in and announce you were just asked out by a customer (bonus if OT3!) 33. you’re a famous celebrity who ducks in to my quiet shop and asks if you can hide, and I mean, sure, but are you going to order something? I have to make a living here, dude 34. I know you own this place but dude, this song has been on repeat for the last hour and I will pay you to change it 35. I’m really nervous as I’m meeting a family member for the very first time and you’re the kind employee who sits with me to help calm my nerves 36. you’re staring at me and I don’t know why until you tell me I’ve been singing along to my music and I’m mortified because I didn’t realize 37. I saw your Help Needed sign in the window and you look busy so where are the aprons and how can I help? 38. every day I write a quote on a chalkboard on the wall and apparently you’re the author I just quoted but you’ve never shown your face in public before so why are you telling me? 39. someone left a note in the suggestions box that the barista is the cutest person they’ve seen and I’m laughing as my coworkers discuss who it could be when you quietly admit it’s about me 40. you just cut in front of me in line and I’m not in the mood to let it slide 41. I noticed you were on ao3 reading smut and when you go up to get something else to drink from the counter, I realize you’re reading the fic I posted twenty minutes ago 42. your dog and my dog just tangled their leashes outside the coffee shop and now they won’t leave each other’s sides, so do you want to join me at this table? 43. I know it’s not my place but your teenager seems to be mixed up in a bad crowd and I thought you should know they’re hiding in the bathroom crying right now 44. your father comes in weekly at the exact same time and orders the exact same two drinks because that’s what he used to do with your mother and you come looking for him 45. I really need you to put up this flyer on the community board but you’re sort of being a prick about it 46. you hire my band to come place on a weekly basis but the more time I spend with you the more time I want to kiss you 47. you’re my ex who I’ve never really gotten over and you just surprised me by paying for my coffee and I’m not prepared to see you 48. my coworker wrote my cell phone number on your cup when I wasn’t paying attention and now you’re texting me 49. after overhearing you order the eccentric coffee shop owner’s drink of the week, I warn you that it never tastes good (bonus if you convince me it’s great this week so I sip and suffer with you) 50. the last clue to my partner’s scavenger hunt is supposed to be here, and while I’m looking for it, I discover that you’re my partner’s friend who set the whole thing up (bonus: ot3) 51. I sold my business for millions when I was in high school and tried to disappear from the spotlight but I’ve just been spotted drinking your coffee and feel bad since you’re overwhelmed with the sudden influx of new customers 52. I overhear you talking to your friend about how you’re planning on meeting up with your ex and I can’t stop myself from butting in because that’s a bad mistake 53. I’m hosting a food-eating contest to raise money for charity at my shop and you seem to have an endless stomach that makes me a little concerned 54. I catch you in the act of placing your newspaper over a customer’s cell phone/wallet/etc. and then stealing it when they deny you money 55. you walk into my coffee just before close looking like a runaway bride/groom/princess/prince/royalty so I stick around to keep you company 56. meeting at the coffee shop feels like fate, but now we’re sitting here because I’m terrified to tell you my big secret 57. you’re a grumpy customer who doesn’t talk but you always have the most fun tie/socks/dresses/sweaters/etc. and I look forward to see what you wear next 58. I’ve been obsessed with your homemade soups and I always rave about them to the cashier but I didn’t realize you also make them until you surprise me with a new recipe 59. I rent out your shop for the evening to propose to my significant other and they dump me on the spot 60. I run a baking class one night a week after hours at my shop and you keep coming back despite being the worst baker ever 61. you left me a bad review so I’m tracking you down to yell at you and demand a retraction 62. you’re the contractor I’ve hired to build individual bathrooms so I can offer genderless options for people (bonus if contractor is trans/nb/gender queer) 63. I host a board game night every Friday and you always come in with your best friend and ask me to teach you a new game and I cannot believe you’ve never played Life before (or: insert own game) 64. I’ve been getting really creative with my foam art and I do some naughty-bits to amuse my coworker on their drink when you mistakenly take it and think I’m hitting on you 65. I’m wiping down a table when I notice that you left a cell phone number on the back of your receipt for your lunch and I ask my coworker if I should text you (bonus if ot3) 66. every time you come into my shop, I swear you have a new sticker on your laptop and I desperately want to ask about this one 67. you come in to steal the shop’s wifi for video calls with your mom/dad/family member and when they see me in the background, they think I’m your new partner 68. I really suck at my job but I desperately need the money and when I get fired for spilling your coffee all over you, you offer me a job because you feel bad 69. we’re coworkers who make out in the supplies closet and get caught by another coworker (bonus if ot3!) 70. someone enters my hot chocolate into a contest for the National Best Hot Chocolate and you’re the hot judge who gets snowed in town for a few days 71. you join me at my table thinking I’m your blind date and you don’t stop talking about how nervous you are for this date so I don’t get a chance to tell you that you have the wrong person when your actual date comes up and thinks you were hitting on me while waiting for them 72. I watch you pull out a flask and add alcohol to your drink and then you wink at me 73. I’m playing a game on my computer but I keep failing at the level so you tap my shoulder and tell me how to beat it (and we spend the rest of the afternoon in the coffee shop bonding) 74. I've been assigned a fluff article about the different types of people who spend their days at coffee shops but I can’t seem to figure out why you’re here (articles: x, x, x) 75. I found you curled up under a blanket asleep at my front door so won’t you come in, I’ll get you some food and give you a job 76. you’re my favourite actor in my favourite TV show but by the sounds of that phone call, you seem to be having a rough day so instead of flailing, I offer you some words of support 77. I don’t know how to spell anyone’s names correctly so I spell them phonetically and you always mumble your name so I just make up something 78. I bump into you and knock your coffee out of your hands and you look like someone just died because you’re having the worst week ever and can I make it up to you? 79. we met online and you suggest this place for our first date and I’m terrified you’ve catfished me or you’re going to stand me up 80. when people hit on me and ask for my number, I usually make up a number to put on their cups, and today I just happened to write your number on your cup so you call me out 81. you’re my significant other’s ex and you’ve invited me to coffee to tell me that I can do better and our connection is immediate 82. I’m in the middle of a rant about this book I’m reading and oh my god you’re the author in line behind me and I’m sorry, not sorry 83. you take a selfie and I photobomb you, but you don’t notice until the entire photo goes viral so we agree to meet back at this coffee shop 84. I’m sorry for laughing at you walking into the glass door/window, please let me help you up 85. I’m a little concerned that you might be too addicted to coffee since you always come down from your office to my little shop to get your fix multiple times a day but my coworkers think you have a crush on me 86. I’m expecting an important phone call but my phone is about to die and please, please let me borrow yours 87. I know your sign says ‘no shirt, no shoes, no service’ but can I please give you a really long explanation as to what has led to me desperately needing coffee without a shirt or shoes 88. I’m a witch barista and I charm your drink so that you have a better day 89. I’ve been trying to borrow this particular book that the local/college library only has one copy of and I just realized you’re reading it at this coffee shop and goddammit, why haven’t you finished with it yet? 90. some asshole just stole your purse/backpack without you noticing so I instinctively jump into action and chase him down the street to get it back for you 91. you’ve cut in front of me in line for the last three days by shooting me a charming smile and leaving me a little dumbfounded but today, that will not fly 92. I keep making work-related puns and you’re the grumpy coworker who refuses to find me charming 93. you sit down at my table and quietly tell me to pretend we’re talking because you’re trying not to be seen by someone and I’m so confused as to what is going on but you’re cute so I’ll roll with it 94. you order the same obscure drink from the app but I always miss you picking up your drink from the counter and today, I’m going to finally watch to see who you are 95. I don’t know who you think you are, but you really can’t make this shop your office unless you’re going to order more than one tea for the eight hours you stay here 96. you read tea leaves as a hobby so I always bring my cups to you when I’m finished 97. you look like you’re having a bad day so I get some icing and draw a smiley face on your cookie 98. I overheard you talking about how you wish my shop had board games so the next time you come in, I watch your reaction to my new shelf of board games 99. you’re the very kind employee who brings me my favourite tea when you witness my public (and loud) breakup 100. this coffee shop is owned and run by queer people and is so very gay with our decor and the names of our menu items, and I’m pretty sure you’re not as straight you think you are because you keep coming in and asking a thousand questions 101. you dropped to your knee to tie your shoe but suddenly, people are congratulating us on getting engaged and we just scored free coffee so we roll with it 102. I’m wistfully watching a couple when you come up to the counter to order something and get frustrated with my daydreaming

#gpbb #gpbb prompt #coffee shop au #gpbb prompt: coffee shop au #trope of the day

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takealottodragmeawayfromreddie · 6 years

Text

If Reddie and the rest of the Losers (as adults) were on a sitcom/dramatic comedy

Season 1, episode 1

Richie and Eddie prepare to move away from the Losers appartament to their first house as a couple. After finding out Eddie is exaggerately anxious about the moving process, Richie insists for him to rest, claiming he can do it all on his own. But even the best house can't be perfect and, when he notices, it's too late. There's only one man who can help him now: Ben Hanscom.

Meanwhile, Eddie tries to have a relaxing day at the spa with Beverly, but he can't help but wanting to check out on Richie at every moment.

Season 1, episode 2

Georgie goes to college and a fraternity takes interest in him, but if he wants to get in, he will have to do some reckless and even cruel thjngs. Worried, Bill decides to have a heart-to-heart talk about peer pressure with him.

Meanwhile, the Reddie house situation gets worse and it's time for Stan and Mike to step in. Beverly's attempt to distract Eddie from it by taking him to a baking class gets literally out of hand when he loses his promise ring after taking it off and forgetting about it.

Season 1, episode 3

Eddie finally visits his future house. However, Richie is full of surprises, even if he didn't contribute to make them happen at all.

Meanwhile, Mike deals with a difficult costumer at the library and is dertemined to find the perfect book for them, and Beverly and Stan have a very intense Mario Kart race, calling Ben as a referee to make sure all is fair game.

Season 1, episode 4

Bill is struggling with his new book and his editor is growing impacient, so Mike suggests they go in a little road trip, like his characters do, in order to find inspiration. It doesn't go as well as expected.

Meanwhile, Richie and Eddie move out together, but convivence without the rest of their friends is a bit changelling, and Stan makes the huge mistake of offering to help them out every time they have an argument.

Season 1, episode 5

The Losers go to the beach. Even though Ben's overweight days are far behind him, he can't help but feel insecure with all these good-looking people in swimsuits around, especially his beautiful girlfriend. Luckily, Beverly is there to let him know that, even if he was still fat, she would love him all the same.

Meanwhile, a group of weight-lifting jocks make fun of Eddie's skinny complexion, and he's determined to destroy them. Mike and Stan try their new metal detector, Richie gets sunburned and Bill desperately tries to hide the fact that he can't swim.

Season 1, episode 6

Richie and Bev are preparing for a rock n roll dance contest and Eddie's insecurities and internalized biphobia kick in when he sees how close it has brought them.

Meanwhile, Mike is starting to get homesick, especially over Mr. Chips, his dog, and Stan, Bill and Ben try to cheer him by finding a new pet for their little family, even though their ideas about the perfect one couldn't be more different.

Season 1, episode 7

The holidays are here and the Losers Club couldn't be more excited about it. All of them except for Stan, who, unable to visit his family, feels alone and out of the party.

Refusing to see any of them sad in such a special time of the year, his friends make a decision: they're going to bring Hannukah to him.

Season 1, episode 8

Due to Spring Break, Georgie visits the Losers house and plans to spend his small vacation with his brother, and Meredith, his new girlfriend, who is also coming with him. Meredith is a trans woman and, even though Bill likes her and he doesn't have a problem with that, he can't help but being always afraid of saying the wrong thing and making her uncomfortable, which is, ultimately, making everyone uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, Eddie buys an old, rusty car, and even when it's not worth fixing, his mechanic pride won't let him give up on it.

Season 1, episode 9

The Losers Club return to Derry for a small classmates reunion, which means they'll have to face all the rumors, jokes and reject they suffered back in high school again.

Will they be capable of standing all this humiliation again? Or could the ultimate prank make the whole classroom regret it?

Season 1, episode 10

An innocent truth or dare game reveal some forgotten high school secrets and all the Losers end up mad at each other except Mike and Ben. It's up to them to save the club.

Season 1, episode 11

Bill's book is finally published and the reviews couldn't be better. Well, except for that one. What does it say? It's hard to tell behind all those asterisks. Who wrote it? Nobody knows, and no matter how many times Mike tells him he shouldn't take it seriously, he has to find that reader and find out what they meant.

Meanwhile, Richie and Eddie try to have a romantic date, but of course it can't go that well.

Season 1, episode 12

Richie has a new routine which, out of pure oversight, includes one of his oldest and most infamous impressions. Even though Mike doesn't actively call him out on it, he can tell his friend is upset, and he has no idea about how to fix it.

Meanwhile, Bill gets a very young and particulary devoted fan.

Season 1, episode 13

Eddie's mother is in the hospital and, after years of silence, he has to face her. Sadly, Sonia doesn't seem so happy about his decision of moving away and getting a boyfriend. Will he be able to resist the pressure?

Meanwhile, Richie meets his own family again and, desperated for showing his parents that he has grown up, he pretends to be the son he thinks they always wanted.

Season 1, episode 14

Stan and Ben realize that, even though they have close friendships with the rest of the club, they don't hang around on their own a lot, and after being told they're too safe and predictable, they decide to do something exciting.

Meanwhile, Richie and Beverly pretend to be a couple so they can attend to the wedding of two complete strangers. A party is a party.

Season 1, episode 15

A producer contacts Bill to turn his novel into a musical play. Scared of the director completely changing his story, he offers to adapt it himself. Maybe not his best idea.

Meanwhile, one of Eddie's co-workers makes a comment about the right way of "being a normal gay guy", and Eddie starts to question if he's the right kind of gay.

Season 1, episode 16

Ridiculous videos of Richie jerking off and talking dirty get leaked by a resentful ex-girlfriend, and even though he tries to take it easy and tells a lot of jokes about it, Beverly is determined to make him understand that he has every right to feel hurt and betrayed.

Meanwhile, Ben helps Bill with his play and Stan and Mike watch a movie together.

Season 1, episode 18

Mike starts dating Rita, one of his co-workers, and even though everyone seems to like her, she just doesn't look good in Stan's eyes.

Meanwhile, Richie keeps dealing with the consequences of his private video getting leaked and so does Eddie. No matter how hard it becomes, they're together in this.

Season 1, episode 19

When Eddie's mother calls him to give him a new lecture about how she knew Richie wasn't good and how he should leave him, Eddie finally cuts her out of his life completely.

Meanwhile, Stan and Mike talk about their feelings.

Season 1, episode 20

Beverly learns she's pregnant. Since she wants it to be a surprise, she asks Richie to keep it a secret.

Meanwhile, Ben confesses Eddie he wants to ask Bev to marry him, and asks him to keep it a secret, too.

Richie and Eddie prove to be the worst at keeping secrets when the whole club, except Ben and Beverly, find out.

Season 1, episode 21.

Ben, Mike, Stan, Bill and Eddie share their ideas for the best proposal ever, but none of them seem to click.

Meanwhile, Richie and Bev have fun visiting baby articles stores, pretending to be a couple again, asking for the most ridiculous stuff and coming up with the weirdest names ever. Richie has a hard time not spoiling the proposal situation.

Season 1, episode 22

Bill's play debuts and it's the perfect occasion to ask the big question. What could possibly go wrong?

Season 1, episode 23

After the failed attempt to propose at the theater, Ben decides to go simple and just say it. As long as Beverly doesn't say it first.

Meanwhile, weird things happen at the Reddie house and a few of Stan's jokes about it are enough to make Richie and Eddie think there's something supernatural behind it.

Season 1, episode 24

Ben and Beverly start planning rheir wedding, but some creative differences might get in the way.

Meanwhile, Stan's dad visits to meet Mike and, even though he isn't openly against their relationship, he clearly isn't okay with it, either. And Richie has fun introducing Bill to the horrors of fanfiction about his book.

Season 1, episode 25

With Ben's wedding right around the corner, Richie decides to give his friend a bachelor party he won't forget, with a little help from Bill and Stan. At first it's great, but when they wake up to find they lost the groom, they conclude that maybe they got carried away.

Meanwhile, Eddie and Mike try to give Beverly a nice and tamed bridal shower, but she won't settled for less than the ultimate night out.

Season 1, episode 26

It's wedding time! Time to have fun and celebrate love. Of course Beverly is kind of sad when she remembers that she was supposed to walk down the aisle with her father, and she wishes she could have someone to actually call "dad", but she won't let that feeling put her down. At the end of the day, Ben and her will say "I do"'

Meanwhile, the way both Richie and Eddie catch the bridal bouquet seems to indicate they're saying "I will"

#reddie #benverly #stanlon #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #ben hanscom #beverly marsh #mike hanlon #bill denbrough #stanley uris #the losers club

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whimsicalwoofs · 6 years

Photo

The contestants for the creative dog grooming competition at the Northwest Grooming Expo

#dogblr #dog grooming #creative grooming #grooming expo #northwest grooming expo #northwest grooming show #2018

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suckitsurveys · 2 years

Text

What’s your favorite day of the week? Friday. There’s just something relaxing about it. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or groomsmen in a wedding? Yes, I have been a bridesmaid in both of my sister’s weddings. As in, my one sister had two weddings. I was also a flower girl in my Aunt’s wedding. Have you ever been the bride or groom in a wedding? Yes, our lil courthouse wedding. Name three friends whose weddings you’ve been to. I’ve only been to family member’s weddings.

Have you ever had a friend not invite you to their wedding? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, yeah. A few years ago my ex best friend told me her wedding was for “family only” which I was upset by at first because I thought I was her family, but then gave her the benefit of the doubt. I found out later she had friends at the wedding...SO because of that, and a couple of other factors, I sent her a lovely message and then blocked her on every platform. Peace out. Use five words to describe your dream wedding. I already had a wedding. Have you planned your wedding on Pinterest? No. What does your dream wedding dress look like? My dress was blue with sequins. It was perfect. What day of the week is it? It’s Monday. Is water what you drink most often? Sure.

Do you drink water every day? Yes. When was the last time you ate watermelon? A couple weeks ago.

Do you like watermelon? I do.

List three places you have worked. Here, Party City, and a Thai cafe. What do you want to do for work? This is fine for now. I’d like to plan events for a living.

List three wars you learned about in school. Civil War, WWI, WWII. Have you ever tried wasabi? Yes. Do you like Warheads? Yes. List ten words that you like the sound of. Nah. List five things that you like about winter. Christmas, Hannukah, cute boots, holiday themed warm drinks, snow if I am inside and not driving in it. List five things you dislike about winter. Cold, cold, cold, cold, and snow when you have to drive or walk in it. Are you allergic to wheat? No.

Would you call yourself a warrior? No. What one word best describes you? Hannah. Have you ever… been stung by a wasp? drank wine? tried on a wedding dress? sat beneath a willow tree? known someone named Willow?. wished upon a star? worshiped the Lord with all your might? pushed a wheelbarrow? pulled weeds out of a garden? been to Seattle, Washington? lived in the state of Washington? been to Washington, D.C.? owned a red wagon? waxed your eyebrows? warmed your hands using a space heater? warmed your hands by running them under warm water? had a wart? had a wobbly desk? went on a weekend retreat? wanted to be a writer? taken a creative writing class? had your wisdom teeth removed? had to wear a white shirt as part of a uniform? owned a white car? walked straight into a spider web or cobwebs? thought spider webs looked cool? welded something? traveled to the West Coast? lived on the West Coast? been to Wales? considered watermelon dessert? owned a purple water bottle? won a costume contest? been on a winning sports team? tripped on a welcome mat? Do you know anyone named… Whitney? Wanda? Winston? Wesley? William? Walter? Wallie? Waldo? Willow? Willa? Wynona? Winter? Whisper? Whimsy? Wayne? Wade? More Q’s What is one wish you have for the future? A cute cozy house with a pool. Do you wash dishes by hand or use a dishwasher? By hand. We don’t have a dishwasher. How often do you wash your hair? About every 2-3 days. What do you like to put on waffles? Syrup and sometimes whipped cream. When was the last time you ate waffles? I had chicken and waffles a few weeks ago.

Can you whistle? Yes.

Have you ever heard the sound of a dog whistle? I don’t think so. How many windows are in your bedroom? One. Do you like the view out your living room window? We don’t have a window that you can see through in the front--it’s glass blocks. The one on the side just looks out to a brick wall.

What is one thing you can see out of the closest window to you ? A hotel across the street. Do you own a Nintendo Wii? I do. Name one medication you’ve been weened off of. I haven’t been weened off any medications. Have you ever suffered withdrawals because a doctor refused to ween you off of a medication? No. ^ If yes, what medications were they? – What’s the most wonderful thing that’s happened to you in the past week? Lots of new Pete Davidson content hahahahha. What’s the most wonderful thing that’s ever happened to you? My nieces being born. Have you ever been to a water park? YES. Do you like waterslides? YES. List ten things that you associate with “water.” Hydration, lakes, oceans, rivers, ponds, pools, water parks, showers, sinks, gardening. Do you like to drink water? Yeah. Do you ever do things on a whim? Sometimes. I’m more of a planner, though. Do you enjoy wind blowing in your face? Sometimes. If it’s a nice cool breeze while I’m feeling hot then yes. If it’s freezing cold then no. Are you Welsh? It’s possible. List ten things that are white. Me, glue, clouds, tissue, ghosts, milk, Pina Coladas, rice, snow, too many US presidents. Do you have neat handwriting? No, my handwriting is horrible. Name someone whose handwriting is similar to yours. No idea. Do you worship? Nope. Do you have any plans for next Wednesday? All I know for sure is going to work and then to the gym. Word Association- What do you think of when you hear the word: worship That Vampire Weekend song. worthy Wayne’s World.

wisdom A Cubs player lol.

whale Moby Dick. waltz Dance. Walter White. Walt Disney World. Winston Churchill Old.

wilted Flowers. warp Tour. wasp Sting.

weakling Animal. wishing well Wells For Sensitive Boys from SNL winnings Money. warrior Shooting at the walls of heartache, BANG BANG. war zone Battlefield. weekend Vampire. wobble That tik tok sound warmth Fire. wakeboard Water. waffles Chicken water buffalo Big. waiting Time

wake Funeral.

wispy Hair.

whiplash PINK WIG THICK ASS

wish The site.

weeds Dead.

Do you like….

words? whipped cream? winning? winter? water? whistling? wind chimes? watermelon? fairy wands? walking on your hands? long walks? worship nights? gazing at the world in wonder? Where’s Waldo? Wheat Thins? Wheaties cereal? wearing white? weasels? warm drinks? writing? wishing? whispering? the Watoto Children’s Choir? wakeboarding? weeding your garden? wicker baskets? wicker chairs? shopping at Walmart?

That’s all for now- have a wonderful day! :)

#surveys #abc survey #w

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moretalk · 4 years

Text

“Of Cocks and Men

(Bali, mainly because it is Bali, is a well-studied place. Its mythology, art, ritual, social organization, patterns of child rearing, forms of law, even styles of trance, have all been microscopically examined for traces of that elusive substance Jane Belo called "The Balinese Temper."2But, aside from a few passing remarks, the cockfight has barely been noticed, although as a popular obsession of consuming power it is at least as important a revelation of what being a Balinese "is really like" as these more celebrated phenomena.3) As much of America surfaces in a ball park, on a golf links, at a race track, or around a poker table, much of Bali surfaces in a cock ring. For it is only apparently cocks that are fighting there. Actually, it is men.

To anyone who has been in Bali any length of time, the deep psychological identification of Balinese men with their cocks is unmistakable. The double entendre here is deliberate. It works in exactly the same way in Balinese as it does in English, even to producing the same tired jokes, strained puns, and uninventive obscenities. Bateson and Mead have even suggested that, in line with the Balinese conception of the body as a set of separately animated parts, cocks are viewed as detachable, self-operating penises, ambulant genitals with a life of their own.4 And while I do not have the kind of unconscious material either to confirm or disconfirm this intriguing notion, the fact that they are masculine symbols par excellence is about as indubitable, and to the Balinese about as evident, as the fact that water runs downhill.

The language of everyday moralism is shot through, on the male side of it, with roosterish imagery. Sabung, the word for cock (and one which appears in inscriptions as early as A.D. 922 ), is used metaphorically to mean "hero," "warrior," "champion," "man of parts," "political candidate," "bachelor," "dandy," "lady-killer," or "tough guy." A pompous man whose behavior presumes above his station is compared to a tailless cock who struts about as though he had a large, spectacular one. A desperate man who makes a last, irrational effort to extricate himself from an impossible situation is likened to a dying cock who makes one final lunge at his tormentor to drag him along to a common destruction. A stingy man, who promises much, gives little, and begrudges that is compared to a cock which, held by the tail, leaps at another without in fact engaging him. A marriageable young man still shy with the opposite sex or someone in a new job anxious to make a good impression is called "a fighting cock caged for the first time."5 Court trials, wars, political contests, inheritance disputes, and street arguments are all compared to cockfights.6 Even the very island itself is perceived from its shape as a small, proud cock, poised, neck extended, back taut, tail raised, in eternal challenge to large, feckless, shapeless Java.7

But the intimacy of men with their cocks is more than metaphorical. Balinese men, or anyway a large majority of Balinese men, spend an enormous amount of time with their favorites, grooming them, feeding them, discussing them, trying them out against one another, or just gazing at them with a mixture of rapt admiration and dreamy self-absorption. Whenever you see a group of Balinese men squatting idly in the council shed or along the road in their hips down, shoulders forward, knees up fashion, half or more of them will have a rooster in his hands, holding it between his thighs, bouncing it gently up and down to strengthen its legs, ruffling its feathers with abstract sensuality, pushing it out against a neighbor's rooster to rouse its spirit, withdrawing it toward his loins to calm it again Now and then, to get a feel for another bird, a man will fiddle this way with someone else's cock for a while, but usually by moving around to squat in place behind it, rather than just having it passed across to him as though it were merely an animal.

In the houseyard, the high-walled enclosures where the people live, fighting cocks are kept in wicker cages, moved frequently about so as to maintain the optimum balance of sun and shade. They are fed a special diet, which varies somewhat according to individual theories but which is mostly maize, sifted for impurities with far more care than it is when mere humans are going to eat it and offered to the animal kernel by kernel. Red pepper is stuffed down their beaks and up their anuses to give them spirit. They are bathed in the same ceremonial preparation of tepid water, medicinal herbs, flowers, and onions in which infants are bathed, and for a prize cock just about as often. Their combs are cropped, their plumage dressed, their spurs trimmed, their legs massaged, and they are inspected for flaws with the squinted concentration of a diamond merchant. A man who has a passion for cocks, an enthusiast in the literal sense of the term, can spend most of his life with them, and even those, the overwhelming majority, whose passion though intense has not entirely run away with them, can and do spend what seems not only to an outsider, but also to themselves an inordinate amount of time with them. "I am cock crazy," my landlord, a quite ordinary afficionado by Balinese standards, used to moan as he went to move another cage, give another bath, or conduct another feeding. "We're all cock crazy."

The madness has some less visible dimensions, however, because although it is true that cocks are symbolic expressions or magnifications of their owner's self, the narcissistic male ego writ out in Aesopian terms, they are also expressions--and rather more immediate ones--of what the Balinese regard as the direct inversion, aesthetically, morally, and metaphysically, of human status: animality.

The Balinese revulsion against any behavior as animal-like can hardly be overstressed. Babies are not allowed to crawl for that reason. Incest, though hardly approved, is a much less horrifying crime than bestiality. (The appropriate punishment for the second is death by drowning, for the first being forced to live like an animal.)8 Most demons are represented--in sculpture, dance, ritual, myth--in some real or fantastic animal form. The main puberty rite consists in filing the child's teeth so they will not look like animal fangs. Not only defecation but eating is regarded as a disgusting, almost obscene activity, to be conducted hurriedly and privately, because of its association with animality. Even falling down or any form of clumsiness is considered to be bad for these reasons. Aside from cocks and a few domestic animals--oxen, ducks--of no emotional significance, the Balinese are aversive to animals and treat their large number of dogs not merely callously but with a phobic cruelty. In identifying with his cock, the Balinese man is identifying not just with his ideal self, or even his penis, but also, and at the same time, with what he most fears, hates, and ambivalence being what it is, is fascinated by--The Powers of Darkness.

The connection of cocks and cockfighting with such Powers, with the animalistic demons that threaten constantly to invade the small, cleared off space in which the Balinese have so carefully built their lives and devour its inhabitants, is quite explicit. A cockfight, any cockfight, is in the first instance a blood sacrifice offered, with the appropriate chants and oblations, to the demons in order to pacify their ravenous, cannibal hunger. No temple festival should be conducted until one is made. (If it is omitted someone will inevitably fall into a trance and command with the voice of an angered spirit that the oversight be immediately corrected.) Collective responses to natural evils--illness, crop failure, volcanic eruptions--almost always involve them. And that famous holiday in Bali, The Day of Silence (Njepi), when everyone sits silent and immobile all day long in order to avoid contact with a sudden influx of demons chased momentarily out of hell, is preceded the previous day by large-scale cockfights (in this case legal) in almost every village on the island.

In the cockfight, man and beast, good and evil, ego and id, the creative power of aroused masculinity and the destructive power of loosened animality fuse in a bloody drama of hatred, cruelty, violence, and death. It is little wonder that when, as is the invariable rule, the owner of the winning cock takes the carcass of the loser--often torn limb from limb by its enraged owner--home to eat, he does so with a mixture of social embarrassment, moral satisfaction, aesthetic disgust, and cannibal joy.” - http://hypergeertz.jku.at/GeertzTexts/Deep_Play.htm

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opawz · 1 year

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Dog Creative Grooming Contest For Valentine’s Day 2023 | OPAWZ

Announcing the winners of the OPAWZ Valentines Day Creative Grooming Contest! https://www.opawz.com/blogs/tutorials/dog-creative-grooming-contest-for-valentine-s-day-2023-opawz 1st Place – Elizabeth Ashley 2nd Place – Yamirka Marmolejos 3rd Place – Veronica Hutchinson Thank you to everyone for your lovely entries! Please look forward to our next contest, coming soon! OPAWZ Creative Dog…

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#creative dog grooming contest #dog grooming #opawz contest #pet grooming #valentines day dog #valentines day grooming #valentines dog grooming

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goodra-king · 5 years

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How to Bring Your Social Media Engagement Back From The Dead

How to Bring Your Social Media Engagement Back From The Dead written by John Jantsch read more at Duct Tape Marketing

A social media page that lacks content and lies dormant might as well not exist at all. But if you’ve let your social pages lapse into a state of disrepair, it’s not too late for them!

It is totally possible to revitalize and refresh your social media presence and bring your engagement back from the dead. Here’s how you do it.

Do a Basic Profile Audit

Before you turn to creating content, you want to make sure the bones of your page are up to snuff. All of your social media pages should feature your business’s name, location, contact information, and hours. If any of these are missing or wrong, now’s the time to update.

Additionally, make sure your pages are branded. Your logo should be included in the profile photos for each of your social pages. A tool like Canva makes it very easy to format your logo and relevant images to fit any social profile across platforms.

Post Regularly

Once your pages are looking fresh, it’s time to think about content creation. Establishing a regular posting schedule is truly the golden rule of all social media. Regular posting creates a sense of familiarity with your brand. Plus, the more content you share, the more your followers come to know and like your brand’s voice and identity. Your business begins to feel like an old friend, and that’s when people feel comfortable interacting with your content.

When you come and go from people’s social media feeds, that can actually make people feel distrustful of your brand. Why is there a flurry of activity one week followed by silence for the next two? It makes your brand seem scattered, and that’s not the way to generate positive attention online.

Don’t Just Sell, Provide Advice

Of course, it’s not just about the regularity of your posts, it’s also about their content and quality. The beauty of social media is that it allows you to establish authentic connections with your followers, so the last thing you want to do is create a series of salesy posts.

Instead, provide advice and useful information. Establish yourself as an expert in your field, and followers will find themselves turning to your content when they need a question answered. Sharing tips and knowledge also gives your followers something more substantive to comment on. People are far more likely to leave words of thanks or additional questions on an informative post than they are to say anything in response to content that is purely about selling a product or service.

Talk with Your Biggest Fans

When someone does take the time to engage with your brand, you want to reciprocate! Leave no comment left unrecognized, no question unanswered. When fans take the time to post a shout-out to your brand on social media, re-share the post and thank them for the kind words!

Again, social media is all about creating dialogues with your real customers, and giving them a sense that there are real, kind, knowledgeable people behind your brand.

Share Visually Exciting Content

Another way to catch the eye of those scrolling past your content in their feeds is to make it visually appealing. Rather than relying on text alone, always include an attention-grabbing graphic. Video is an increasingly popular method for reaching consumers, and live video in particular is very engaging. Viewers are excited to catch the content right as it’s being created, and it gives you the opportunity to answer questions and speak in real time with your followers.

Use Hashtags Wisely

It’s great to engage with those who already follow you on social media, but if you want to expand your reach, using hashtags is a great way to do so. Whenever you post content, include a handful of relevant hashtags on the post.

Viveka von Rosen shared her hashtag best practices for LinkedIn, but they’re really relevant anywhere. Select three to four hashtags that are relevant to the community you’re trying to reach and add one that is unique to your business. Using those community-specific hashtags will put your content in front of those who are interested in your industry or field of expertise. That’s the best way to get discovered by a new, relevant audience on social media.

Create Friendly Competition

Social media contests are yet another creative way to engage with your existing followers and broaden your reach. Create a contest that encourages followers to share content about your brand. If you run an ice cream shop, maybe it’s asking fans to take a selfie with a bowl or cone of their favorite flavor. If you run a dog grooming business, run a pet costume contest leading up to Halloween. Whatever it is, make it a fun, exciting challenge that followers will want to be a part of.

Establishing a hashtag for the competition not only allows you to track entries, it also helps to create buzz around the contest and generate broader attention.

Once it’s all over, be sure to post about the winner and share a photo or video of them with their fabulous prize on your social channels.

Get Involved in Pertinent Groups

Another way to reach beyond your existing audience is to become a member of groups that are aligned with your business’s solutions. Let’s say you’re opening up a nail salon in Akron, Ohio. You can join groups about nail art design or groups for nail technicians. Additionally, you can target community groups that attract those in the Akron area.

Once you’ve joined the groups, get involved in the conversations that are happening there! If someone asks for advice on what type of acrylic nails are best, share your opinion. If someone in the Akron group asks for recommendations for low-key bachelorette party ideas, humbly suggest that they might stop by your salon for a little bit of pampering.

It’s hard to keep up with social media. But even if you’ve let your once-great social presence go flat, it’s never too late to revive it! Taking a few simple steps to keep your page updated and stay on top of engaging with your followers can make a world of difference in generating meaningful conversations and connections with leads and customers alike.

from http://bit.ly/2YrG0cb

#Marketing Plan

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instapicsil3 · 6 years

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Photo by @callakessler — The “creative grooming” contest was the crowning event of the nation’s largest dog-grooming trade show, Groom Expo. But the action was just as buzzy beyond the stage, in hundreds of booths selling polka-dot barrettes and bubblicious dog cologne and in dozens of seminars with titles including “Thinning Shears . . . the Wow Factor!” Amid it all, thousands of groomers were buying specialized gear, networking and commiserating about long client waiting lists in a field that these days counts all dogs — not just poodles, the traditional canine topiaries — as canvases worthy of transformation. All had some part in a $6.5 billion pet services industry that has doubled over the past decade, fueled by the rapid rise of what marketers call the “humanization” of pets. When it comes to dogs, that has meant a migration not only from the backyard into the house, but also into the bed and the car, where they’re often treated as nicely — and expected to smell as nicely — as the rest of the family. @washingtonpost #doggrooming #dogs #groomexpo #dogsofinstagram Read the story on www.washingtonpost.com Link in the bio. https://ift.tt/2Ai0yJP

#Insta New 3 #Insta All #All Extra

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instatrack · 6 years

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On a stage in a conference hall in central Pennsylvania, at least 14,000 years after humans domesticated wolves into dogs, Milena Kon was turning a dog into a gazelle. And an elephant. And a lion. And a giraffe. This evolution involved strategically dying the white fur of a poodle to the hues of African animals, sculpting her hair into horns and tusks, airbrushing elephant toenails to her back legs and attaching googly eyes to her rear end. This “creative grooming” contest was the crowning event of the nation’s largest dog-grooming trade show, Groom Expo. Thousands of groomers were buying specialized gear, networking and commiserating about long client waiting lists in a field that these days counts all dogs as canvases worthy of transformation. All had some part in a $6.5 billion pet services industry that has doubled over the past decade, fueled by the rapid rise of what marketers call the “humanization” of pets. When it comes to dogs, that has meant a migration not only from the backyard into the house, but also into the bed and the car, where they’re often treated as nicely — and expected to smell as nicely — as the rest of the family. (Photos by @callakessler/The Washington Post) https://ift.tt/2zpoQSC

#Instagram #All #Pics #All Extra

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jesicajparksuk · 7 years

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2018 Pet-Related Holidays and Themes to Blog About

Could you use some inspiration developing great blog post ideas? What if we could offer you an entire year of pet-related holidays and themes to blog about? This list is meant to be a guide, an idea generator, and, in addition to blog fodder, these ideas lend themselves well to social media. For example, remind your followers on Facebook that it’s “National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day” and pair the reminder with a cat health blog post linking directly back to your blog. The same holds true for Instagram, Snapchat, Pinterest, Twitter, any other platforms with which you engage.

Note: If you know the hashtag associated with a certain pet-related holiday or theme, be sure to use that in conjunction with your blog post and social shares. This is a creative way for folks to find your content. Here’s how to develop a hashtag strategy for Instagram. Hashtags can be quite tricky, especially if you have no clue what they mean. Discover what hashtags mean, and add your own definitions with tagdef.com. Note: When creating a new hashtag, ensure that it isn’t already being used. No one actually “owns” a hashtag, but you certainly don’t want to tweet with a hashtag that has previously been used. You can easily find this information by searching for a hashtag on tagboard.com. Type in “funnydogs.” Of course, this is heavily used so there is nothing new about it. However, you can jump on the #funnydogs hashtag bandwagon if you post a funny photo of your dog on social media.

Bookmark this post, refer back to it, and save it for a year’s worth of 2018 pet-related holidays and themes to blog about and share on social media.

Without further ado, here’s a month by month idea generator of pet-related holidays and themes with some bonus material along the way:

Important BlogPaws Dates, Reminders, and To Do’s

Every Tuesday except the third Tuesday of the month, #BlogPawsChat takes place at 8:30 pm ET on Twitter.

BlogPaws Facebook Live events take place several times throughout the month on both the BlogPaws Main Facebook Page and the BlogPaws Social Learning Community Facebook Group.

Every Wednesday on the BlogPaws blog is a networking opportunity called the Wordless Wednesday blog hop. Visit the blogs listed to put the social in social media and help grow your blog.

Get the very latest BlogPaws News in the official BlogPaws News and Boost Facebook Group.

Join the BlogPaws Social Learning Community to learn, connect, network, grow, and develop as a blogger and influencer.

On the Chinese Calendar, 2018 is the Year of the Dog.

January

Overall themes:

Adopt a Rescued Bird Month

National Train Your Dog Month

Walk Your Pet Month

Get Organized Month

Adopt a Rescued Bird Month

Holidays:

January 1: New Year’s Day (great post for resolutions, jump start the year)

January 2: National Pet Travel Safety Day and National Mew Year for Cats Day

January 5: National Bird Day

January 6: Epiphany

January 8: National Bubble Bath Day (fun post for pet bath tips, shampoo safety, grooming, etc)

January 14: National Dress Your Pet Up Day, National Seeing Eye Dog Day, Bald Eagle Appreciation Day

January 15: Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, Hat Day

January 18: Winnie the Pooh Day

January 19: National Popcorn Day

January 20: National Penguin Awareness Day

January 21: National Squirrel Appreciation Day (um hello, cute photos time), National Hugging Day

January 22: National Answer Your Cat’s Question Day

January 24: Change A Pet’s Life Day, Belly Laugh Day, Compliment Day

January 25: National Opposite Day

January 26: Australia Day, Rattlesnake Round Up

January 29: Seeing Eye Guide Dog Birthday

January 31: Backwards Day

February

Overall themes:

National Pet Oral/Dental Health Care Month

Adopt a Rescued Rabbit Month

Beat the Heat Month

International Hoof Care Month

American Heart Month

Spay/Neuter Awareness Month

National Wild Bird Feeding Month

National Cat Health Month

Unchain a Dog Month

Dog Training Education Month

National Bird Feeding Month

Holidays:

February 2: Groundhog Day

February 4: Super Bowl Sunday, Thank a Mailman Day (great for bite prevention tips, training)

February 6: Chinese New Year

February 7-14: Have a Heart for Chained Dogs Week (great blog topic to raise awareness and provide actionable tips to help dogs who are chained)

February 13: Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday

February 14: Valentine’s Day, National Pet Theft Awareness Day, World Whale Day, National Hippo Day, Pet Theft Awareness Day

February 16: Chinese New Year

February 17: Random Acts of Kindness Day

February 19: President’s Day

February 20: Love Your Pet Day

February 22: Walking the Dog Day

February 23: International Dog Biscuit Appreciation Day

February 26: March 4: National Justice for Animals Week

February 27: Polar Bear Day, World Spay Day

February 28: Public Sleeping Day

OTHER: Annual Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York City: February 12 and 13, 2018

March

Overall themes:

Adopt a Rescued Guinea Pig Month

Craft Month

Women’s History Month

Dolphin Awareness Month

Pet Poison Prevention Month

Holidays:

March 1: National Pig Day, National Horse Protection Day

March 3: If Pets Had Thumbs Day

March 4: Oscars Night on TV

March 4-10: Professional Pet Sitters Week

March 6: National Frozen Food Day

March 8: International Women’s Day

March 11: Daylight Savings Time Begins (spring forward one hour in many areas of the US)

March 13: K9 Veterans Day

March 14: Learn About Butterflies Day, Save a Spider Day

March 16: Panda Day

March 17: St. Patrick’s Day, Saint Gertrude of Nivelles Day (patron saint of cats)

March 19 – 25: National Poison Prevention Week

March 19: Poultry Day

March 20: International Earth Day, World Sparrow Day, World Frog Day, International Day of Happiness (Reasons a Pet Makes You Happy is a great topic), first day of Spring

March 22: International Day of the Seal and World Water Day (great for water intake, etc)

March 23: National Puppy Day

March 25: Manatee Appreciation Day

March 28: Respect Your Cat Day

March 30: Passover Begins in the Evening, Take a Walk in the Park Day (great for walking a pet)

OTHER: Crufts (The World’s Largest Dog Show) in England: March 8-11, 2018

April

Overall themes:

World Habitat Awareness Month

National Pet Month

Stress Awareness Month

American Red Cross Pet First Aid Awareness Month

Garden Month

Heartworm Awareness Month

National Frog Month

Adopt a Greyhound Month

Zoo and Aquarium Month

Prevention of Animal Cruelty Month

Decorating Month (great for craft ideas with a pet theme)

Poetry Month

Prevent Lyme Disease in Dogs

Holidays:

April 1: Easter, April Fool’s Day, Talk Like Shakespeare Day

April 1- 7: International Pooper Scooper Week

April 2: National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day

April 4: World Rat Day

April 7: Every Day is Tag Day

April 8: National Dog Fight Awareness Day

April 16: National Librarian Day (great post for pet-themed books)

April 16-22: National Pet ID Week

April 17: Bat Appreciation Day

April 18-20: BlogPaws 2018 Conference: Kansas City, Missouri (the 10th Conference: great blog topic of BlogPaws through the years)

April 19: Pet Owners Day

April 20: Look Alike Day

April 22: Earth Day

April 23: National Lost Dog Awareness Day

April 24: National Pet Parents Day

April 25: World Penguin Day

April 26: Help a Horse Day, National Kids and Pets Day (instill ideas in kids to respect pets, bite prevention, how to pet a cat: Ideas for posts)

April 27: Hairball Awareness Day

April 28: World Veterinary Day

April 30: National Adopt a Shelter Pet Day, Animal Advocacy Day, World Veterinary Day, National Tabby Day, Bulldogs are Beautiful Day, National Pet Parents Day

May

Overall themes:

National Pet Month

Chip Your Pet Month

Pet Cancer Awareness Month

Responsible Animal Guardian Month

Lyme Disease Prevention Month

National Service Dog Eye Examination Month

National Photograph Month

Holidays:

May 1: Save the Rhino Day, National Purebred Dog Day, May Day

May 3: National Specially Abled Pets Day, National Hug Your Cat Day

May 4: May the Fourth Be With You: Star Wars Day, Bird Day

May 5: Cinco de Mayo, National Ferret Day

May 7: Mayday for Mutts

May 7-13: National Be Kind to Animals Week

May 8: National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day

May 13: Mother’s Day, Frog Jumping Day

May 14: National Animal Disaster Preparedness Day

May 16: National Sea Monkey Day

May 19: Armed Forces Day

May 20: First Day of Spring

May 21-27: National Dog Bite Prevention Week

May 21: Victoria Day (Canada)

May 23: World Turtle Day

May 24: National Escargot Day

May 27: National Heat Awareness Day

May 28: Memorial Day

May 30: International Hug Your Cat Day

June

Overall themes:

Adopt a Cat Month/Adopt a Shelter Cat Month

National Pet Preparedness Month

National Microchipping Month

Social Petworking Month

Holidays:

June 2: National Go Barefooting Day (good for paw safety)

June 4: Hug Your Cat Day

June 4-10: Pet Appreciation Week

June 5: World Environment Day

June 8: Best Friends Day

June 10: World Pet Memorial Day

June 14: Flag Day

June 16: Fresh Veggies Day

June 17: Father’s Day

June 19: National Pets in Film Day, National Kissing Day

June 19-23: Take Your Dog to Work Week

June 20: American Eagle Day

June 21: Selfie Day, National Dog Party Day, First Day of Summer

June 22: Take Your Dog to Work Day

June 29: Camera Day (pet photo contests, photo tips for pets all make for great blog posts)

OTHER: CWA Annual Conference: June 7-9, 2018

July

Overall themes:

National Blueberry Month

Dog House Repair Month

National Anti-Boredom Month

National Hot Dog Month

National Ice Cream Month

National Picnic Month

Pet Hydration Awareness Month

National Lost Pet Prevention Month

Holidays:

July 1: Canada Day, ID Your Pet Day

July 3: Stay Out of the Sun Day

July 4: Independence Day (dangers of fireworks and escaping to pets as blog fodder)

July 11: All-American Pet Photo Day

July 13: Cow Appreciation Day

July 14: Shark Awareness Day

July 15: I Love Horses Day, National Pet Fire Safety Day

July 16: World Snake Day

July 17: National Pig Day

July 21: National Craft For Your Shelters Day

July 23: National Hot Dog Day, Parents Day

July 31: Mutt’s Day, International Day of Friendship

August

Overall themes:

Family Fun Month

National Catfish Month

Water Quality Month

National Picnic Month

Holidays:

August 1: DOGust (Universal Birthday for shelter dogs)

August 5-11: International Assistance Dog Week

August 7: National Friendship Day

August 8: International Cat Day, National Happiness Day

August 9: National Book Lovers Day

August 10: National Lazy Day, Spoil Your Dog Day

August 11: National Sons and Daughters Day

August 12: World Elephant Day

August 16: Saint Roch’s Day (patron saint of dogs)

August 17: National Black Cat Appreciation Day

August 18: National Honey Bee Day

August 19: International Homeless Animals Day

August 20: World Mosquito Day (topic starter: mosquito dangers and prevention to pets)

August 22: National Take Your Cat to the Vet Day

August 26: National Dog Day

August 28: Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day

August 30: National Holistic Pet Day

September

Overall themes:

Catalyst Council’s Happy Healthy Cat Month

Animal Pain Awareness Month

National Disaster Preparedness Month

National Food Safety Education Month

National Service Dog Month

Responsible Dog Ownership Month

Chicken Month

Holidays:

Start getting your blog, social media, and gift guides ready for the holidays

September 3: Labor Day

September 9: Grandparents Day (think of all the pet grandparents of the human variety who would love a visit from pets today), Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown, National Pet Memorial Day

September 10: National Hug Your Hound Day

September 11: 9/11 Remembrance, Patriot Day

September 13: Pet Birth Defect Day

September 16: Puppy Mill Awareness Day, Responsible Dog Ownership Day

September 17- 23: Adopt a Less Adoptable Pet Week (great blog topic for the pets who are older, have health issues, have been in shelters a long time, different species, etc)

September 18: Yom Kippur begins at sundown and ends in the evening September 19

September 19: Talk Like a Pirate Day

September 20: Rosh Hashanah begins at sundown

September 21: Peace Day

September 22: Elephant Appreciation Day, Autumn begins, International Rabbit Day

September 23: Dogs in Politics Day (recognizing dogs of politicians through history)

September 24-30: National Dog Week and National Deaf Dog Awareness Week

September 28: World Rabies Day

October

Overall themes:

National Pet Wellness Month

National Animal Safety and Protection Month

Pet Breast Cancer Awareness Month

Bat Appreciation Month

National Pit Bull Awareness Month

National Service Dog Month

World Animal Month

Adopt a Shelter Dog Month

Wishbones for Pets Month (pet sitters that would like to collect and distribute pet goods/funds for local pet shelters and other pet related agencies in their own community)

Holidays:

October 1: National Black Dog Day, National Fire Pup Day

October 1-7: National Walk Your Dog Week – (First Week of October)

October 4: World Pets Day

October 8: Columbus Day, Thanksgiving Day (Canada)

October 10: National Pet Obesity Awareness Day

October 14-20: National Veterinary Technician Week – interview one, a day in the life, things they do, behind the scenes

October 15: Sweetest Day

October 16: National Feral Cat Day, National Bosses Day, Global Cat Day

October 21: Reptile Awareness Day, Sweetest Day

October 24: United Nations Day

October 28: Plush Animal Lover’s Day (fun post for those pets who love and love to shred stuffed animals)

October 29: National Cat Day, National Pit Bull Awareness Day

October 30: National Black Cat Day in the UK

October 31: Halloween

November

Overall themes:

National Novel Writing Month

Native American Heritage Month

Peanut Butter Lovers Month

National Sleep Comfort Month

Adopt a Senior Pet Month

Pet Diabetes Month

Pet Cancer Awareness Month

Holidays:

November 1: All Saints Day, National Cook for Your Pets Day

November 2: All Souls Day

November 4: Daylight Savings Ends (fall back one hour in many areas of the US)

November 4-10: National Animal Shelter and Rescue Appreciation Week

November 6: Election Day (US), National Healthy Eating Day

November 7: National Canine Lymphoma Awareness Day

November 11: Veterans Day, Remembrance Day (Canada)

November 13: Sadie Hawkins Day, World Kindness Day

November 17: National Take a Hike Day and National Black Cat Day

November 18: Mickey Mouse Birthday

November 22: Thanksgiving Day (United States)

November 23: Black Friday

November 26: Cyber Monday

November 30: Stay Home Because You’re Well Day

December

Overall themes:

National Cat Lovers Month

Safe Toys and Gifts Month

Holidays:

December 2: Hanukkah begins at sundown, National Mutt Day

December 4: World Wildlife Conservation Day, National Cookie Day

December 13: National Day of the Horse

December 14: Monkey Day

December 19: National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day

December 21: Winter begins

December 23: Festivus

December 24: Christmas Eve

December 25: Christmas Day

December 26: Kwanzaa begins, Boxing Day (Canada)

December 31: New Year’s Day

Go even more in depth for additional holidays and unique events with this fun 2018 calendar.

Don’t Stop Now

Generate more blog content ideas with these related posts:

The Ultimate List of Pet Blog Content Ideas

50 Holiday Content Ideas for Pet Influencers

How to Do Keyword Research for Your Next Blog Post

Your Turn

How far out do you plan for your blog and social media content? Will you use any of the ideas above? Let us know in the comments below along with any dates we might have missed for pet lovers.

Carol Bryant is the Marketing and Social Media Manager for BlogPaws and runs her own blog, Fidose of Reality and its fundraising arm, Wigglebutt Warriors. When not busy playing with her Cocker Spaniel, Dexter, she stays far away from cooking. Her trademark is her mantra and is tattooed on her arm: My Heart Beats Dog.®

Images: 9dream studio /rattiya lamrod / wavebreakmedia / Shutterstock.com

The post 2018 Pet-Related Holidays and Themes to Blog About appeared first on BlogPaws.

from News And Updates About Pets http://blogpaws.com/executive-blog/blogging-social-media-info/learning/2018-pet-related-holidays-and-themes-to-blog-about/

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earnestinelamm-blog · 7 years

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Understand The History Of celebration Now.

Seven Easy Ways To Assist in event.

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thecoroutfitters · 7 years

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Written by R. Ann Parris on The Prepper Journal.

If you have information for Preppers that you would like to share and possibly win a $300 Amazon Gift Card to purchase your own prepping supplies, enter the Prepper Journal’s Writing Contest today.

Preparedness and self-sufficiency usually turns to food production at some point. Whether we’re old hats or just getting started, there are some set standards that tend to take place in the veggie garden. Sometimes they’re very well deserved. Sometimes, though, changing things up can make a difference in our ability to produce foods. Small scale or large, when it comes to the veggies, doing things differently can buy us the time and space to get started or expand our harvests.

Doing Things Differently

We may not have time for the conventional annual-veggie garden. The big square or rectangle of bare earth set off from the house takes a fair bit of time and water to maintain, even if there’s best management practices in place that return organic matter and keep the soil healthy.

Changing things up can help us save time, especially.

Where we place our veggies alone makes a huge difference for a lot of people. Growing in a bed system is its own article. So is mapping a home, yard, or larger property with a process called zoning. We can automatically make a few changes, however, to bring our veggies to more convenient locations.

Why is convenience entering the conversation?

Right now, few of our primary “jobs” is producing food. Right now, gardens are in competition with jobs, overtime, family time, sports and activities for spouses and kids, caring for the home and property, volunteering somewhere, grooming and training pets, and keeping vehicles in good shape. We have to work in learning to darn holes and fix zippers and knit, making cheese or butter or bread from scratch, practice with firearms or hand-to-hand or primitive skills, and canning or dehydrating produce. We’re trying to slate time to hit Craigslist and yard sales to pick up the gear we want for a disaster or daily life. If we have an unrelated hobby (and for mental health, everybody needs a murder mystery or softball type hobby), that needs some time too.

We’re also tired, as a nation. A lot of people are up on their feet, working high stress jobs, or traveling. When we’re home with fifteen minutes between dinner, clean-up, and before-bed routines, we want to spend them with our feet up seeing what the Reality TV world or the sports world has been up to without us.

If our gardens aren’t convenient, they’re going to fall lower and lower on the list of what actually gets our scattered attention.

When our gardens are tucked further away, it’s easy to put them out of mind or say “later, tomorrow”.

If we have to criss-cross back and forth for tools, seeds, and water, drag out a hose, wheel a water barrel around, or even just hike thirty or fifty paces to get to our plot or beds, we’re less likely to be able to use that fifteen or thirty spare minutes we can scrounge, because we’ll eat up a big chunk of it just setting up.

That means gardens produce less, or end up in enough need that it becomes daunting to catch up. Then we’re even more likely to put things off.

Siting New “Beds”

The first thing we can do a little differently is change where we garden – or produce foods, period. We can work windowsills, the verges of where we park vehicles, and areas that we pass regularly.

Some of us may hit our mailboxes from our vehicles, but some of us have them surrounded by low-need perennials – or weeds we don’t weed-whack as often as we should that we think about as we fetch in our junk mail and catalogs and then promptly forget about again. Most homes have a front stoop, a patio, or a deck or balcony somewhere.

Those are all places we can be producing foods pretty easily.

A lot of homes already have flower or tree or shrub beds somewhere around them, or foundation plantings. Expansion is regularly easier than bucking space out fresh. We can introduce a different type of annual or perennial to our aesthetics garden without losing much if any beautification value, or we can add a foot or two to the established spaces along verges. We can build up layers around the bases of trees, then add a solid top of soil or work smaller, and add just plugs and mounds of dirt to the top to garden in as we have time and money.

Trash cans and recycling don’t get a lot of aesthetics and are usually tucked somewhere out of sight, but are sometimes something we’re visiting a couple of times a week. If we only see them in the dark but for dragging them back around the garage, they’re not going to add much to the convenience of a garden bed or containers. However, if we see them in afternoons or early daylight, they can also be good places to stick veggies.

Water

One thing all gardens need is water. Even if we really only water to establish seeds and transplants, whether we container garden or grow in beds, or have big tilled plots, we’re going to have to provide some water. Even young trees and shrubs need some help with water in all but the rainiest areas.

In drought years, we have to plan on using more water yet.

There are two fixes there.

On one hand, we can put gardens close to water collection barrels or to hoses (but leaving convenient access for dragging the hose over for dogs baths, car washing, and cleaning camping gear or cleaning and butchering game and livestock).

The downside to that is they may be off our daily beaten path. Ideally, we’ll keep at least some of our gardening right there where we’re passing daily or multiple times a day.

On the other hand, we can try to work things so we’re gardening in places where we can add water collection along our daily paths, such as drip lines from porches, carports, and gutters. Other water sources include the trough(s) we dump regularly, the outside dog water dish that gets dumped and refilled, and coolers that get drained weekly.

We can add water collection along our daily paths, such as drip lines from porches, carports, and gutters.

If we set up watering cans or buckets on carts that can get moved around readily as well as refilled easily, we’re even more likely to maintain our plants.

Mulch

Mulch is our friend. We have to use it correctly to gain the most benefits, though.

A loose scattering of straw and large bark mulch aren’t going to help repress weeds, and have limited value in reducing soil compaction or evaporation. Using organic mulches without a weed exclusion barrier like newsprint or landscaping fabric can help, but weeds are going to start popping through it faster, reducing the benefits.

In some environments, we are going to burn through mulches pretty quick, especially the “soft” mulches like grass straw. If we use things like short-cut grasses and soft cover crops, we’ll have to be prepared to poke some holes through the crust that forms so air can still circulate and water can still infiltrate.

Even so, mulches make a huge difference in our gardens, and the work required to spread and maintain mulch has to be compared to the time it takes to water, weed, and till our garden plots and beds that are left with bare earth.

Weeds will blow in and be dropped by birds, and can establish in the surfaces of our beds, but it’s a hundred times easier to pull those from a nice, thick mulch bed than it is the soil, and those weeds aren’t in direct competition with our plants – it’ll take time for them to work their roots down and start stealing their nutrients. Mulch gives us a chance to catch those weeds before they impact our plants, and to get them out whole and completely, so we don’t fight the same ones over and over.

Research Growing Methods

We don’t want to rely too heavily on bagged soil, chemicals, and commercial products, even for veggies to go with our stores wheat, rice and beans. We’ll do better to start finding homeopathic, sustainable solutions.

Things like companion planting where the plants growing together provide the resources each other need – from pest protection to extra boosts of fertilizer – and self-feeding, self-watering hugel mounds/beds, or self-composting keyhole beds can all help reduce our dependency on fuels while also making our garden veggies easier and faster to care for, and more productive. Other bed designs such as the layered lasagna or trash-beds, and no-till or perma-mulched beds can let us quickly get started or expand, and limit the effort and resources our gardens need.

Pigs turning the garden – TheGoatWorks.net

Chickens are happy to help us both turn and spread our compost.

Cover cropping our veggie gardens, practicing crop rotation even if we grow in small containers and buckets, and even the ways we incorporate our small or large livestock into our garden practices – for more than cured manure – can all contribute to thriving plots and beds that take less work.

We do want to be mindful of the alternative methods that maybe look great, but that take a lot of outside resources like peat moss or straw, or that require a lot of soil rejuvenation each year, but there are a million and five ways to produce a tomato, a pumpkin, and a bean.

Some of them involve soil and plants only, while others stretch creativity with duck-aponics and chicken moats that create weed barriers and limit pest invasions.

Beating the Normalcy Bias

Switching up how we garden, from location to type of growing style, can greatly affect our success even with time and budget constraints. All we have to do is step away from the way people have “always” done things.

That can be hard.

It doesn’t matter that we as a species accept change when it comes to medicine, travel, communication methods, and vehicles. People like to garden the way generations have gardened before them, even when those methods result in deficient soils and take a lot of time and effort, year after year. “Till” and “lime the soil” are passed down like genetics.

As preppers, we pride ourselves on being more aware than the average bear, and doing things differently so our families can weather future storms. Maybe if we apply a little of that mentality to our gardens, we’ll be a little more comfortable doing that differently, too. It can result in an easier garden to maintain, a more fruitful garden, and a little more time to spend on all the rest of preparedness and daily life.

The post Start Gardening Differently appeared first on The Prepper Journal.

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