#crushes used to feel like an outside force imposed on me and there was nothing i could do

[backtodecembertv]

the most boring part of growing up is getting over your pointless, agonizing crushes because you realize they’re not worth it instead of pining indefinitely. like it’s obviously a good thing, but it also feels like a loss of innocence to realize that having feelings for someone doesn’t have to mean anything or go anywhere. i’m not tied to this person and i don’t have to sacrifice everything trying to make it work and trying to be okay with what they can give me. i can just find someone else

[lubdubsworld]

Insatiable ( Jungkook x OC) Chapter 7

Pairing : Jeon Jungkook x OC

Rating 18+

Genre : Vampire Au!!!! , DILF! Jungkook ! Bodyguard AU! Babysitter OC!   Age difference!!!

Chapter 1   Chapter 2  Chapter 3    Chapter 4  Chapter 5   Chapter 6

Chapter 7

“I love this...” I whispered, arms wrapped around his neck, staring up into Jungkooks face as he rocked his hips against mine , hands stroking my hips gently as the hard length of him dragged inside me , almost gentle as he placed soft kisses on my brow. 

“What? “ he smiled. 

“You inside me... it feels.. i feel complete somehow..” 

He smiled sweetly, kissing the corner of my lips. 

“You’re so warm and wet and I think you’re perfect.” He breathed against my cheeks, pillow soft lips pressing smooches down my jaw and up to my lobe. 

“I liked ...tonight. “I said shyly and he grimaced.

“I may have gone a little overboard..” He said sheepishly, grunting as he thrust a little harder and I closed my eyes , savoring the feeling of him inside me. 

“But I liked it. Liked that I couldn’t even watch the fireworks because of ...well another kind of fireworks..” I laughed.

He grinned.

“ I aim to please.” 

“Good. Then why dont you hurry up and fuck me like you mean it.” I said with a wink and his eyes narrowed, flashing red.

“You never learn, do you angel?” 

I laughed as he pulled out and flipped me over, fingers sinking into hair, hand gripping my waist as he rove straight into me with a force that shook the bed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“On a scale of one to ten, how mad would your siblings be if you don’t go back to your bed tonight?” Jungkook whispered, burying his face in the slightly damp strands of my hair, breathing deeply before going back to running a small fluffy towel through the strands. 

I stared up at the ceiling , eyes at half mast because I was so sleepy, still pleasantly warm from the hot bath I’d just had . I was dressed in one of Jungkook’s big white t shirts , lying sideways on his bed with my head hanging over the edge because y hair was still wet. Jungkook being the perfect man that he was , was towel drying my wet locks for me. 

“Probably a twenty?” I grimaced. “ I need to be up early to go down to the kitchen. We’re taking the kids out to the park remember?” 

Jungkook groaned.

“Minae needs to be kept away from the sugar ... I am not going to piggy back her for two straight hours like yesterday.” He swore. 

i laughed, rolling over and smiling at him. 

“ She has a crush on you.” I grinned, waggling my eyebrows at him. 

He shook his head laughing. 

“I’m too old to be dealing with four year olds that have a crush on me., “He shuddered. I smiled, shaking my head because , Jungkook was the one who had begun helping out with the children and he was often the first to offer a piggyback ride to the kids. 

Being a single father, I knew he had experience with kids, of course. But still it was quite something watching him handle them with confident hands and a ridiculously kind disposition. And he didn’t shy away from  anything. Changing toddlers out of nappies, cleaning spit up off my office desk , even offering his nails for the smitten Minae to color with her markers.  

And it felt good to have him around, his presence somehow grounding me even during the most hectic of times. Story time with Mr. Jeon,  was fast becoming a thing, with Jungkook gathering all the younglings around him in a circle and regaling them with tales from his life ( a toned down, child friendly version of it of course ) while I set up the beds in the nap room, every afternoon. 

The kids slept for about an hour every afternoon and that was the time we ate our lunch, the workers heading off to the kitchen while Jungkook and I shared a meal cook sent up for us. The small stone bench on the yard was right outside the window of the nap room, and leaving the window open helped us keep an eye on the kids while we ate. 

Not too mention the effect it had on Joo Won. 

Although he spent most of his time with Somi and Jimin in the other cottage , learning his number work and language skills, he occasionally ran up to his father, eager to show off his work. Jungkook always dropped whatever he was doing to shower praises on his son and the boy thrived under the attention. 

The idea that I could do this with him for the rest of my life, was impossible to push out of  my head. 

But i wouldn’t bring it up. 

I would enjoy this , now while I had it and I would wait for him of course but I wasn’t going to play games with him. 

“I’m not meeting anyone else anymore.” I said quietly. 

He gave me a look. 

“anyone as in?..”

“Any vampires. potential suitors” I said with a shrug. “ I’m not going to. I’m going to tell my father I’m... not interested in it anymore.” 

Jungkook stopped his ministrations and gave me a guilty laden look.

“Sera, about tonight-”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” I glared at him. “ I loved it. I love you , as I’ve told you often enough and I also understand that you’re not there yet. and I can wait.”

Jungkook looked away.

“That’s not fair to you.” He said hoarsely.

“Maybe. But it’s still my choice. And My life. And if I choose to spend that life pining over you for the rest of eternity , that’s upto me.” I shrugged. 

He merely stared at me, lips turned down in a frown. 

“You’re too young to understand what you’re asking for Sera. You don’t realize how powerful you are. I’m not... I’m not good enough for you.” He shook his head. “ Far from it.” 

I rolled my eyes. 

“What does that even mean? You’re a vampire. There’s literally nothing that stops us from being together than your twisted belief that you aren’t good enough. Which is so baseless I could laugh. ”

Jungkook stared at me. 

“It’s not just about me. What about the kind of power you would have with the right vampire? not to mention the people in my life that  would want me fucking dead sera? You think everyone would just let it go? Me , a fucking nobody marrying the most adored girl in  our kind???  ” he laughed in disbelief. 

i frowned. 

“What do you mean ?”

Jungkook opened his mouth to elaborate but the door to his bedroom slammed open at that exact same moment and I jumped, terrified. Scrambling to my knees, I crawled back to the headboard just as Jungkook swore, moving to the door , bodychecking the figure that crashed through. 

“JEON FUCKING JUNGKOOK GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!!!!!” 

I felt my eyes widen in horror as my brother in law launched himself across the room, fingers closing right around Jungkook’s neck as he rammed into him, the two of them skidding across the floor and crashing into the ornate fireplace with a noise loud enough to wake the dead.

I stared, my brain unable to process what I was seeing. 

My sister appeared, eyes wild and panicked.

“Oh God... Sera I’m so sorry...he came to your room and saw you were gone...” she began but then stopped.  

Her eyes fell on the pandemonium in the corner and she yelped. 

“jIMIN!!!!” She screamed, rushing to the corner where the two vampires were locked together in a scuffle and the only thing I could think about was the fact that I was naked underneath his t shirt and if anyone else walked in-

“What is this ruckus?” The loud booming noise was familiar and terrifying and i squeaked, diving for the covers and crawling in as I stared horrified. The figure that appeared in the doorway was so imposing that all of us went still. Even Jungkook’s eyes widened as he took in the gargantuan man framed in the entryway. 

Hwang Jaebum was seven feet tall, 1800 years old and the scariest Vampire i had ever seen in my entire life. His skin was shriveled , his eyes permanently red and he stared at the two fighting vampires , now frozen and gawking at the towering vampire and he scrunched his nose in disgust before his red eyes flashed and landed on me. 

“There you are.” He said softly. “Sweet Seraphina.” 

The name, God.

 My uncle had named me and no one called me that but him. 

I swallowed, clutching the covers as sheer unadulterated terror coursed through my veins. I knew my uncle wouldn’t hurt me but still, power radiated off him in waves and I did not want to be on the receiving end of his displeasure. 

“Come here , child. Let me look at you.” 

I winced. 

Before I could react though, Jungkook was climbing on the bed, scrabbling to kneel right in front of me, arms stretched out to keep me from the vampire’s view. 

“Who the fuck are you?” He snarled and I gasped, stunned. God, Uncle Jae had killed people for less. 

I grabbed Jungkook quickly, pulling him back into my arms and away from the vampire who now looked suitably furious. 

“That’s my uncle. Shut up.” I hissed quickly. Jungkook didn’t show any sign of backing down, still crouched in front of me, muscles locked in a fighting stance and I clutched his shoulders, burying my face in his back. 

“Jungkook relax...” I begged but he merely grabbed my hand where it lay wrapped on his waist, squeezing gently. 

“It’s okay baby, I’m here.” He was still glaring at my uncle who peered over him to lock eyes with me. 

“Who is this? Why are you in his bed, Seraphina? “ My Uncles’ voice rumbled through the room, echoing off the rafters and Jimin and Somi scrambled to their feet. 

“Sire.... We didn’t know you were here already..” Jimin began, moving to stand in front of him but Jaebum ignored him, moving closer to the bed. 

“Who are you? Tell me now.” He snarled. 

I stared at the anger flashing in my uncle’s eyes  and I swallowed. 

“He is her intended, brother.” My father’s voice came from the doorway and i jumped a bit, staring over at the door. 

My father came floating in, face calm but eyes narrowed in annoyance as he stared at me. I found myself wilting under the glare. He was upset, Rightfully so. 

My uncle frowned, glancing at my father in disbelief. 

“She is betrothed?” He frowned. “ Why was I not informed of this?” 

My father gave him a reassuring smile.

“It is fairly new, this courtship. Jungkook and Sera are very fond of each other and they have my blessing.”

Next to me Jungkook had gone as pale as parchment. He moved up and away from me and my entire body went cold. 

I reached for his hand, flinching when he yanked it away.

Fuck.

Fuck. 

“I need to speak to the boy. What is your name boy?” My uncle growled at Jungkook. 

“Jeon Jungkook , sire.:”

He frowned.

“What clan are you from?” 

I flinched.

My father looked a little uncomfortable.

“Surely we can talk about this-”

“I was bitten , Sire.It’s just me and my son, now.” Jungkook’s voice was deep and steady and he stared right at my uncle. 

Uncle Jae’s eyes widened and then he stared at me.

“That is what you will settle for , Seraphina? A mongrel with tainted blood?” 

The sharp sound of hurt that came from Jungkook shattered my heart. 

But it was my father who growled, affronted. 

“That is enough. You are a guest , Jaebum and I will not have you insulting my daughter’s betrothed. Leave him be.”

My uncle laughed.

“It is not an insult. It is a fact...is it not, boy? Look at him... he knows his place. And it not by  her  side.” 

“Jungkook, don’t listen to him ...” i whispered feverishly , reaching for him again not letting him pull away and gripping his fingers hard. His fingers felt icy cold to the touch and there was no mistaking the sheer hurt radiating off his features. 

“Unless the girl is in trouble, I think you should sever the connection, Jaehyun.” My uncle snapped at my father . 

“We shall talk about this later. For now, I want you to remember your place, Jaebum. You have duties to attend to and my daughter’s choice is her own. I will not have you interfering in things that you aren’t responsible for.” My father’s voice was just as loud, radiated just as much authority and i had never loved him more. 

Jaebum scoffed once again before turning on his heel and leaving . I sagged in relief and Jungkook, got off the bed, moving away from me so quickly I felt like someone had stuck a knife in my gut. 

“Jimin and Somi, come. Jungkook , Sera. I want the two of you to come to my office after you fix yourself up.” My father said coldly. 

“Yes, Sir.” Jungkook bowed. 

“Yes,  father.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Father....I...”

“You slept with him. “ My father said thoughtfully and I stared at my feet. There was no point denying it. 

“Has he agreed to court you?” He said sharply. 

I looked up at him, biting my lips.

“No.” I whispered.

My father’s eyes widened and he shot me a glare that could melt gold. 

“He fed from you during the act?” He demanded. I felt the phantom throb in my thighs at the memory. 

“Yes, father. “ I admitted.

“Then I must ask. Was it consensual?  Did you influence him in any way Seraphina.” 

My heart turned over, tears springing at the accusation. 

“No... No .. I didn’t.. he doesn’t know.. he doesn’t even know I can do that.” I whispered. 

“Could you have done it unconsciously? If Jungkook fed from you and you were near him you could have convinced him to do anything. He wouldn’t have been able to consent. You know this, Sera. I don’t understand how you could be so reckless. We are not monsters. We know our limits and we stick to them for fuck’s sake.” 

“He... we... I... It’s my fault. He didn’t.. He didn’t want to court me so I convinced him we could just...fool around. That was all it was. He loves his son father. He’s only here to give him a better life. I’m sorry.. I’m so sorry for being so selfish and ..Please just don’t send him away. I’ll never meet him again if that’s what you want but please....don’t send him away. .” I stared at my father, feeling the tears sting. 

My father’s gaze softened but he sighed, shaking his head as he held his arm out. I walked into his embrace, letting the tears fall as I clutched his robe. 

“You have not been selfish, dearest. . But, no matter who are, we cannot covet what we are never meant to have . Jungkook is not for you.” He whispered into my hair and I felt my insides clench in rebellion, every part of me screaming in protest at the phrase. 

No.. No... he was mine.. he had to be mine....

I was his and he was mine.

“ I’m going to offer him the position as head of the security team.” My father aid gently and I shuddered. 

“Father..”

“It will pay well. He will be working from the administrative building close to me. . There’s no reason for your paths to cross. Namjoon will take over as your bodyguard from tomorrow.” 

i nodded. 

“I want you to remember who you are. What you are capable of. I raised you to be kind and gentle but that does not change who you are, Sera. It doesn’t change what you are.” he said gently, eyes firm. 

I swallowed.

“You may leave.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jungkook stared at the whiskey decanter on the table. watching Sera’s father pour him a drink. His eyes focused on the golden liquid, the way it caught the light and danced with all the colors of autumn. 

“I’m going to ask you one thing. I want you to answer me, as truth fully as you would your own father.” 

Jungkook was a father, himself. He knew the anger and trepidation in the man’s gaze was real. He knew exactly what it felt like, that desperate clawing need to keep your child safe. To destroy anything that dare hurt them. 

“Do you love my daughter?” The man’s voice shook a little. 

“I cannot court her.” He whispered. “ I’m not... I can’t. “

“That is not what i asked .” The older man said gently. 

He shook his head.

“I don’t have the right to feel anything but respect for her, sir.” Jungkook said softly. 

The vampire shook his head laughing.

“Your eyes tell me all you refuse to say, Jungkook ah. You care deeply for her, do you not?  it is obvious in the tremble of your hand. it was obvious in the way you stood up to my brother, when surely everything in your blood must’ve screamed to back away from a Vampire of such a high ranking. ” 

Jungkook clenched his fists. 

Sera’s father went on. 

“I know you love her and honestly, If you didn’t.... you wouldn’t be alive right now.” 

Jungkook winced. 

“Yes , sir.” He croaked. 

“I will destroy entire continents for my daughter. You know this. “ He said quietly. 

Jungkook nodded. He believed the man . 

“Which is why I must ask. Who is after you?”

Jungkook’s eyes snapped up, eyes widening in surprise. 

“Sir...”

“I’m not the head of the largest clan in the country for nothing. You are protecting your son...but from what? A man of your reputation , choosing to stay inside an estate , helping out with infants and children.... it doesn’t make sense. So tell me. What are you hiding from? And how can I help?” 

Jungkook stared at his hands. 

“It’s Joowon’s grandfather. The man who’s daughter I killed.” 

Sera’s father stiffened. 

“Ahh... yes. Gong Tae Kwan. An old nemesis .” He shook his head, sighing. “ You’ve made a powerful enemy , Jungkook.”

Jungkook nodded.

“I know. I’m no match for him. And I know he’s  not going to stop until he kills me and my son.” 

“You’re right. He’s not going to stop. Now, what so you want to do? Hide out till he finally catches up or confront him like the warrior you are?” 

“i can’t do it. I need to be here for Joo Won.... It would be suicidal...”

“ Only if you’re alone. “

“Sir?”

“It would be suicidal , if you were to confront him alone.” 

“Are you saying that...”

“I’m going to be there with you. We are going to lure the bastard out , and we are going to end this once and for all.”

“Sir, i can’t ask you to...”

“You’re not asking me damn thing kid. I’m doing this for my daughter’s sake. And you are going to repay me by making her as happy as you possibly can.” He said sternly. 

Jungkook flushed

“Sir.. I’m sorry I...”

“When this ends, and it will....you will court her. You will court her, because unlike what you think, you do not get to decide whether you’re worthy of being my daughter’s consort. She does.” He gave him a smile, reaching out and clamping a hand on his shoulder. “  If she chooses you it means you’re worthy. And she has chosen you , Jeon Jungkook . Don’t be the idiot who walks away from the best thing to ever happen to him, son. ” 

Jungkook stared at him.

He took a deep breath. 

“Yes, father.” He said with a small smile. 

The older man laughed out loud. 

“Excellent. Now come, we have a murder to plot. “ 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : Well....now the plot picks up... :D :D feedback is always welcomed !! Come scream with me about how amazing Sera’s father is!!!!

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[luimagines]

Hi! can I request wind scenario (in group) having a crush on gn reader (same age as him) whos kinda like a ghost like fading through walls, going invisible, making the room go cold ect. but they're still hyrulian (did I spell it right-)? (plush anon)

Masterlist

I mean, most people call them Hylian. But I suppose your rendition isn't wrong, since they're from Hyrule. Like a nationality versus a race.

Ok, I think I have an idea with what you mean. Ghostly abilities with a crushing Wind!

I hope I did it justice!

Scenario under the cut!

It was time. You had fought against it for so long.

It was time to track down Wind and figuring out what was eating at him.

You took a deep breath and fazed through the walls of the Wild's house.

He was getting worse and it was starting to worry you. It was unnoticeable at first but he would wander off and come back just fine. So no one did anything. Later though, he would walk off earlier and stay away for longer.

You were beginning to miss him.

But now, your group was no longer in an open space and there were less places for him to hide inside.

You hoped at least he didn't go outside. That would make things harder for you.

You also hoped that Wild wasn't going to get mad at you for just walking through the place. It's not something the others... appreciated... especially when you never gave out a warning.

But that was a them problem.

Wind never seemed to mind.

On the other hand though, you didn't want to risk getting a lecture and ruining your plan by fazing, and by extension, trespassing through the house. So you went invisible for good measure.

The only thing you couldn't fix was how the room always dropped in temperature but if you fast enough it wouldn't make a difference.

Peak in. Look for Wind. Dip if he's not there.

Simple plan of action. Simple solution.

It... didn't occur to you that Wild's house had a few more rooms than he let on, or let the others into. It also didn't occur to you that some places could only be reached by the outside and could then be an excellent place to hide.

Not from you though.

So the search didn't really last all that long.

Wind was hiding under the desk of the outer work house.

He looked like he was crying and was quietly shaking from weight of them.

Concern flooded through your system and you dropped next to him immediately. You went to place your hand on his wrist but he jerked up and made eye contact.

He screamed and jumped in place, slamming his head against the top of the desk and came back down with his hands on his head.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." You reached out and began to rub the poor spot on his head, knocking his hands out of the way. "I probably should have said something first. Are you ok? I mean, obviously not if you're crying but that looked like it hurt-"

"I'm fine." Wind knocked your hands away and wiped his face with his sleeve. There was an edge to his words, and it shocked you a bit.

Wind was never hostile with you and the change made you instinctually move back with your hands up.

"Um... What happened?" You try instead. Maybe it was just the residue pain talking.

"Nothing." Wind sniffles and you swear you could almost see him putting up walls around himself. High and imposing and you nearly sink to the ground at the thought of him cutting you off.

“It’s not nothing if you’re crying over it.” You say gently. “It’s ok to cry Wind. My dad says that it’s just being alive and it’s nothing you have to hide. But why? Did someone hurt you?”

The thought makes you angry and the closet’s temperature plummets with your train of thought. “Who did it? Just say the word and I’ll deal with them.”

Wind hugs himself tighter and shakes his head. “No. No one hurt me.

“Then why...” You reach out again and hesitate to place your hand on Wind’s wrist again. After a second of deliberation you touch him and try reaching out again. “Wind, I’m your friend. What can I do help?”

“Nothing.” He spits and looks away from you. “It’s fine. You shouldn’t... You were the last person that I wanted to find me like this.”

He pushes past you and opens the door to the outside.

“Did I do something wrong?” You ask instead and chase him. “Wind, what’s wrong? Why are you avoiding me? Are you mad at me?”

“No.” He spins around and takes a deep breath. “It’s... nothing you have to be worried about. The problem is with me. I’ll get over it.”

“But I want to help...” You admit. It sounds weak even to your ears and you can only imagine how Wind must think it’s a little pathetic how little you actually contribute to the group.

It’s something that’s been bugging recently but everyone has been welcoming despite your abilities and they let you know when to take a step back from running head first.

It’s not a thought you focus on frequently but if Wind thinks of you that way...

Well... It hurts more than you’re willing to admit.

Wind chuckles slightly, ruefully, cutting off your thoughts. He begins to run a hand through his hair and he looks at the ground instead. “I know you do. You help everyone. You’re incredible like that, you know. I admire that about you. It’s one of your many talents that I can’t even begin to list them all off or I’ll be here all day. But this... Isn’t something that you can fix or help with. You wouldn’t want to help me anyway, if you knew what I did...or rather how I did it.”

He doesn’t anything more.

“But you’re Link.” You say and chance a step toward him. The use of his name, something you only use when alone with only one of them, catches his attention but he’s quick to look away from you again. “And you’re my friend. Why can’t I help you? Maybe just telling me would help, if there’s nothing I can do physically.”

“I...” Wind wipes his face again. “I can’t. It would change the way you see me. I know it. It’s not... I don’t know if I can handle that. I think it’ll hurt to much to see your face look at me in horror. It wouldn’t be a good look for you anyway. You’re too pretty and sweet and nice and I’m-.”

“Wind.” You begin to walk toward him more, counting on the fact that he’s still talking to you that he won’t run away. “I can’t say I know what you’re talking about. But do what to know how I see you?”

He blinks, a little wide eyed and fearful but nods.

“I see an incredibly brave hero. Someone’s friend. Someone’s brother. Someone’s right hand man. Someone who saw a problem and wanted to fix it. Someone who was willing to travel the world and risk his own life to protect the people he cares about. Someone who loves adventure and the ocean and always sure wonder in his eyes... I admire the way you see life and I think you’re a genius. There’s a way your brain works that I find absolutely fascinating.” You put your hands on his shoulders. “I trust you. I care about you. And... I want to help you with your problems. I want to know your dreams and your goals and I want to see more of your world and know more about the people you care about...”

You stop and gulp. It’s getting a little too real for you to handle. Time to stop talking about that less you say something you can’t take back.

“If you’d let me anyway.” You finished lamely. “My... My point is that, you’re a good person. You have a good heart and a good head on your shoulders. You... You’ve done so much and can do so much more if you put mind to it. Not only did you save the world but I bet that you’ll change it for the better. I want to be able to see it. You are many things Link, but you’re not cruel. If you did a bad thing, I’m sure it was for a good reason.”

Wind steps closer to you to close the distance and hugs you. 

Tight.

“You’re too good to me, you know that?” He says into your hair.

You hug him back with just as much force and grin into his neck, content with the contact. “I’d give you the world if I could Link.”

“Not if I give it to you first.” He fires back and lets go slightly. He chances a look at your face and studies it for a moment. 

You look back at him and do the same. He’s beginning to look more like himself and a lot less like he’s been crying. He’s got a large smile on his face before it morphs into a more determined one.

It catches you off guard but right as you try to question him, he leans in and places a hesitant and delicate kiss to your cheek. 

It’s more like a butterfly touch with how nervous he is to do it and you barely feel it.

But it feels a little more magical that way and your heart flutters into a frenzy.

Your hand reaches your mouth and you have trouble looking him in the eye after that. You’re happy. Confused. But happy. 

The blush on your face, you know, is very bright and Wind smiles at your reaction.

“What was that for?” You whisper.

“A thank you.” Wind offers his arm despite the massive blush me has on his face as well. He looks pleased. “You said you wanted to know me more... And well, I’d like to know you more to. Want to go to the tower with me?”

He points to the top of the town, beyond the houses and where you know Purah the scientist resides to do her research.

There’s hardly any visitors there, so it would just be you and him...

You grin and take his arm.  “I’d like that a lot actually.” 

[sharkbait77]

The Sun Sets With You

Chapter Three: Beneath the Oak Tree

Summary: A simple yet despondent farm life suddenly sparks with new hope when an unusual traveler makes your town his latest stop and brings with him intriguing and promising viewpoints and no one to share them with. Until he meets you.

Pairing: Ezra Prospect x f!Reader

Rating: M

Warnings: Strained parent relationship, death of a parent, grief, anxiety, it’s gonna get a little fluffy in this one!

W/C: 3.9k

A/N: So I'm honestly really proud of myself for this chapter, there's a little something that I wrote while I was in Ezra's mind & I still can't get over it. I hope you all enjoy! As always, thank you all so much for the love & support!

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Chapter Two || Chapter Four

~APRIL NINETEENTH OF EIGHTEEN SIXTY-SEVEN – AFTERNOON~

At the day’s end, you begin your trek back to the house, the heels and balls of your feet aching in a bruising way with each step. The sun creeps lower and lower behind you as you walk and you can feel the warmth of its rays hugging your back. There was a time you would enjoy watching the sunset, when you would stay in town the few extra moments to revel in its beauty and its promise to you that, although darkness will soon creep in, the sun will rise again and bring with it a fresh beginning.

Now, though, your newly appointed duties force you to neglect your favorite time of day. Right after closing the shop, you headed over to the butchers shop for the cheapest pound of beef, cut up into chunks as requested by Pa, and began walking. Not looking back at the town or the sunset, but not able to look forward either. Muscle memory takes over your legs, the map in your mind leading you straight home and all other directions you may have anticipated moving towards are erased completely now.

As you walk up to the farm, you see Mr. Prospect far into the fields, digging weeds from the Earth diligently with the hoe in his hands. You gander upon him for a moment, slowing down your pace just to glance a little longer than might be considered appropriate. He’s discarded his jacket and his white shirt looks dirtier now, the sleeves rolled up to his biceps to reveal his tan arms. They’re not overly muscular, but you know they must be strong with how hard he’s working the fields.

You misstep while your head is turned to Mr. Prospect, the toe of your boot catching a fairly large rock in the dirt and it causes you to trip. You stumble, but regain your balance quickly and feel the flush of embarrassment flow through you, your head now facing forward with the front door to the house in your sights. You take another peek at Mr. Prospect, his attention still focused on the dirt, obviously not having seen you fumble and you thank whoever above that he had not been looking your way.

Once inside, the aroma of vegetable broth is swirling through the air; Pa had already begun the stew, thankfully, relieving some of the responsibility from you. You walk into the kitchenette and set the wrapped beef down onto the only free counter, then you remove your bonnet and bag, hanging it on the wooden hook and turning to place the lockbox back inside the safe.

You turn back to the kitchenette, unwrapping the paper to reveal the raw meat within and you dump it into the boiling broth with the vegetables. A simple stew; you’ve no spices besides pepper and fresh rosemary from the garden and the meat was already salted by the butcher, but it was always a favorite that Ma would make. Yet, when you try to cook it, it never comes out with the same taste anymore. As if Ma had put her own love into it and it was another part of her you just would not have anymore.

After some time, the stew is finished, the broth thickened and the vegetables and meat cooked through to tenderness, and just then, Pa walks into the house. He walks as if the weight of the Earth rests on his shoulders and he breathes deeply, trying to regain the air in his lungs he had lost from the hard work of the day. You stand in the kitchenette, waiting for him to move from the frame so you are able to greet Mr. Prospect as well, but Pa shuts the door behind him.

“He did not wish to join,” Pa says simply.

“Did he explain why?” You ask.

“He said he did not want to impose. I did not press the matter; if he chooses solitude, I will not force his hand,” Pa replies as he sits down at the table.

You keep quiet, deciding not to further discuss the subject so as to not upset Pa and you ladle a helping of stew into a bowl for him, carrying it along with the basket of rolls to the table. You set it down in front of him and after he says his silent letter to Ma, he begins eating. You serve yourself some stew as well and sit down at the table. You and Pa eat in silence, as usual, but there’s a nagging thought in your head that will not subside. As much as you try to throw it to the wind, your curiosity gets the best of you and as you stand to grab your dishes, you find the courage to confront your father.

“Pa?”

“Hm?” He grunts, packing his pipe with tobacco.

“Why did you not inform me of Mr. Prospect yesterday?” You ask quietly, hoping he will not be upset with your questioning.

“I did not see the need to. Not until I had a chance to speak with him myself.”

“I could have helped, Pa. You could have sent him to me and I could have spoken with him,” you continue as you move to stand closer to him. He sighs deeply.

“No.”

His quick response comes out cold, a spat in the face more like, and you immediately take offense. Clearly, Pa still sees you as a child and, like a child, he expects you to bend to the laws he has established in this house. Your pulse races, the grown woman within you takes over your mind and you feel the urge to fight for your position. It breaks your heart; you were used to fighting for yourself in the town, but now you find yourself fighting against your own father.

“Why? Do you not trust my judgement? I’ve put my work in for the farm like you and Ma have before me,” you reply in a firm tone.

“Because I am the owner and I will hire whomever I see fit. Enough of this.”

He nearly barks at you, like the Bakers’ dog that would frighten you as a child whenever you passed its territory, and you feel that same terror rush through you now. You try to see reason, but no acceptable excuse comes to mind. Perhaps he did not feel as though you have earned his respects as the young lady you are. Whatever he thinks of it, you feel it may be best to settle the subject. For now.

“Yes, sir,” you say softly. You turn to the kitchenette, place your soiled dishes in the basin and walk back to the range, serving a helping of food into another bowl with a spoon and setting a roll on top. “I will go offer some stew to Mr. Prospect.”

“Leave him be, daughter. If he wished to eat, he would have joined us at our table,” Pa says with a furrow in his brow.

“Perhaps he is intimidated, Pa. Afraid to sit and converse with us after the town has already been so unfriendly. If he wishes to be lonesome, I will respect it. But I will not let him go hungry simply for his preference.”

Before giving Pa another chance to argue, you step outside and shut the door behind you. You take a moment to yourself once you are far enough away from the house. A crushing feeling sits on your chest, pressure building and building and you take deep breaths in an attempt to calm your rapidly beating heart and quiet the ringing in your ears. You allow yourself to feel the cool breeze from the night flow across your face and closed eyelids as you find your center again.

You had hoped Pa would see you as an adult by now, not a helpless child. The loss of your mother only matured your soul more than it already was previously. You wonder what Ma would think, if she would agree with Pa or with you. Only more sadness courses through you, though, as you remind yourself that you will never know the answer.

Finally regaining your strength, you walk towards the barn, bowl in hand and heart drumming nervously in your chest. Why? Why so anxious? What is it about this mysterious man that has you feeling like a schoolgirl again? He was absolutely an intriguing – and rather handsome – man, far different from the men around town, as well as friendly, so why had everyone else been so disconcerted by him? You truly must have a different set of eyes, then, because you only wish to know – to learn – more.

You reach the ajar barn doors and knock on the wood softly to announce your presence. There is some shuffling from within until Mr. Prospect pulls open the door, his gaze full of pleasant surprise to see you standing in front of him.

“Sunflower,” he grins. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”

“I apologize for interrupting your rest, but I figured you might be hungry after today,” you reply and hold out your hand with the bowl. He glances down at it, quickly looking back up into your eyes.

“I couldn’t, miss, I would feel as though I am taking advantage of your kindness.”

“Nonsense,” you scoff and his eyebrows twitch amusingly at your rebuttal. “It is the very least we can do since we are not able to pay you much. ’Sides, I’ve already served you; I would be more offended if you were to decline now. Otherwise it will go to waste and that will not sit right with Pa. Or with me.”

“Very well, Sunflower. I would hate to disappoint, so I will accept. Thank you very much,” he smiles and grabs the bowl from your outstretched hand, his fingertips lightly brushing your palm and a slight tingle from his skin on yours trickles through your hand. “May I ask you to join me?”

“I’d best not linger; I’m afraid I’ve managed to upset Pa tonight and I’d rather not cause him any further distress before sleep,” you explain, pushing past the temptation to say yes.

“I am sorry to hear that; I hope my being here hasn’t caused any controversy between you and your father.”

“Not at all, it has nothing to do with you, Mr. Prospect. Rest easy,” you smile.

“Thank you, dear Sunflower. Both for the ease of mind and also for this meal; I cannot wait to taste the flavors that have charmed my nose with its temptatious smell.”

You giggle softly at his statement; he speaks so differently, his own elocution, it seems. You bow your head slightly at him and take a turn to leave, but a lingering curiosity prompts you to speak.

“Mr. Prospect, may I ask you a question?”

“Of course,” he grins while he waits.

“Why do you call me ‘Sunflower’?”

“Do you take offense to my endearment, miss? I do apologize-”

“No,” you shake your head, offering a small smile for your expression to match your acceptance of the name he has bestowed upon you. “I must admit I quite like it. I was only curious.”

“It is because you glow as one; bright as the sun, yet gentle as its petals. Though, its beauty would diminish greatly were it next to you in comparison.”

Your neck, cheeks, and ears burn; an almost overwhelming heat you have not felt since little Morris Clark snuck a kiss to your cheek as children in the school play yard. Though, there was nothing childlike about the sensation rushing through you. His words make you smile; a genuine smile you forgot your face was capable of producing.

“I… I hope you enjoy the soup. I-I will be back for the bowl and spoon in the morning,” you stutter and attempt to hide the jubilant grin on your face by biting your lip. “Goodnight, Mr. Prospect.”

“Sunflower?” He calls out as you’re mid-turn, causing you to stop at his beckon. “Please, call me Ezra.”

Your smile breaks wider across your face and Ezra grins back, nodding slightly as he watches you consider his proposal. You take a breath to calm the thumping of your heart.

“Goodnight… Ezra.”

“Goodnight.”

~APRIL TWENTY-FIRST OF EIGHTEEN SIXTY-SEVEN~

Sundays were your favorite days. No, not because of church, but because it was the only day of the week where you were able to close the shop early enough and have a spare moment to yourself. While everyone was busy praising God, praying to Him to prove they were holier than the rest of the town and repenting for the sins they committed during the week (just for them to start fresh on a new batch the next morning), it was the day you found your own escape.

You intently watch the clock ticking on the wall until the work day comes to an end and you quickly rush to the door to flip the sign, guaranteeing no other customers would make it through. You head back to the counter and carefully examine the ledger and count the coin from the day to assure each sale has been accounted for. After checking it once, you go through it again to reaffirm it’s correct and close the book.

You gather the coins in your hand and place them in the velvet bag, tying the string at the opening and setting both the bag and the book into the metal lockbox. You turn the small key, place the box in your bag, and nestle the key within your breast pocket.

You hurriedly make the trek back to the farm and you see Pa rounding up the chickens for their feeding. In your haste, you notice belatedly that you had not seen Ezra in the fields, but convince yourself he may be busy elsewhere. After a brief announcement of your arrival, you walk through the wooden front door, the floorboards creaking underneath you as you walk straight to the black safe next to the fireplace. You place the metal box from your bag inside the safe, closing it once again and heading back outside.

“Pa, I’ll be back in time for supper,” you call out as you stand under the apple tree, searching for the shiniest and reddest apple from its leaves to place in your bag.

“Be careful, daughter,” he replies as he throws more feed into the dirt. Considering how strained your relationship with Pa became, thankfully, he still respected your weekly ritual without any argument.

You wave and walk away from the farm, in the opposite direction of the town and towards the hills. It’s a mere five minute hike until you make it to the small landing at the base on the other side of the hill, letting the sounds of the flowing river fill your ears with delight. It is your own personal haven; no other person has found this place and you privately claimed it as your own, even marking your initials into the large oak tree that dwelled there.

As you make your way through the pine colored grass and up to your usual sitting area, you see the outline of a man sitting under your tree. Your brows furrow in confusion and you feel momentarily disappointed upon the realization that your secret place has been found by another, but you don’t dare be outwardly perturbed; how were they to know this was your own private sanctuary to escape the gloom of what has become of your life?

You continue in a steady march, not prepared to let your resting spot become someone else’s easily. Your mother taught you manners; you knew how to share. That did not mean it had to please you, but as long as they kept to themselves, you rationalize, what’s the harm? Maybe it was another lost soul finding comfort in the calming atmosphere of this place. An unavoidable grin stretches across your face, however, when you step closer and recognize the choppy cut of hair atop the man’s head. You catch a glimpse of his profile and his discernible nose and conclude it is the traveling man that has so intensely piqued your interest.

“Good afternoon, Ezra,” you address once you’re in range of his hearing. It catches him off guard and his shoulders jolt slightly, clearly unexpectant of anyone else finding this place.

“Sunflower,” he beams when his eyes meet yours as you stand under the shade of the tree. He moves to stand to properly greet you.

“Please,” you hold a hand up to stop him. “May I join you?”

“It would be a true delight,” he responds and resettles himself on the ground.

You smile sincerely and are pleasantly surprised to find it comes naturally and with ease in his presence. You lift your dress slightly from the ground and carry your weight to your knees to rest on your bottom, bending your legs to lay beside you. You sigh contentedly as you smooth out your skirts out around you.

“What brings you here? What about the fields?” You ask.

“Your father relieved me of my duties for the remainder of the afternoon. He declared: ‘Every soul should rest on the Lord’s day’.”

“Yes,” you chuckle. “That sounds like Pa.”

You do not press the subject of his religion, knowing first-hand how irksome it is when others comment on your lack of worship and you do not wish to cause Ezra any further discomfort by intruding on his personal preferences. A moment of silence passes between you two; the river flows and splits across different shaped rocks and boulders embedded into the dirt below the surface, creating a relaxing tune, gladly welcomed by your ears.

“It’s lovely here, isn’t it?” You ask, turning your gaze to his. To see his peaceful face, full of heartfelt content of the surroundings, you think it may not be so bad to finally have a friend to share it with.

“Indeed; lovelier so with your company,” he smiles.

You feel a strange occurrence within you, a sudden spike in your pulse that makes your fingers and toes tingle, much like when they ache at the end of a long day. Yet, in this moment, you welcome it.

“I usually come here alone,” you say quietly as you fiddle with the strap of your bag.

“My apologies; if you’d prefer, I will find a different location of rest,” he frowns slightly, afraid he has imposed on time you prefer to spend alone.

“No,” you say quickly. “Don’t fret. Besides, this is the only place the children do not come to cause chaos.”

“I see,” he chuckles breathily, a sense of relief rushing through him that he has not upset you. “Perhaps we can share, then?” He questions tenderly in a hopeful wish released to the air.

“Yes,” you nod. “I think I would enjoy that.”

He smiles, his eyes gleaming along and you cannot fight the slight, arrhythmic thumping in your chest at the sight of his glee. Another moment passes without a word spoken as your heart paces normally once again and you look over at Ezra, his fingers busy fiddling with a small book.

“Whatcha got there?” You ask. He looks at you before meeting your gaze to his lap.

“Oh...” He looks at the brown, leather bound booklet in his hands. “A journal for my thoughts and compositions alike.”

“It’s nice to write down your reflections. May I hear some? Unless they are too close to your heart, then I do not wish to pry.”

“I’ve not read these aloud to anyone since my youth, dear Sunflower, but it would bring me great joy if you were to listen,” he says softly and you turn your body to face him, providing your utmost attention.

He smiles, chest rising profoundly with each nervous breath he takes as he opens his book, turning the ivory pages with the pad of his index finger until he lands on a scripture to read, clearing his throat before he begins.

“The vast expanse of the Green went on in each direction farther than the eye could see. The emerald of the leaves above coalesce into the umber of the earth below, both hues combining in the moss bound to the wide and tall bodies of majestic trees.

“The sunlight rained through the leaves, its rays bathing the ground I walked on and bringing the small buds of flowers to life with each step I took. The morning dew kissed the delicate fronds, single droplets meeting their lovers akin and they became as one, rolling away from the home they shared briefly and freefalling in blissful adrenaline until they met their demise in the dirt.

“I immersed myself in the environment, years upon years of the knowledge of rebirth all around, and I breathed in the crisp coolness of the air and life surrounding me. I long to become the moss on the tree, the buds in the dirt, the dew on the frond. To fade away into the Green and be born again.”

He takes a deep breath as he closes the book, grazing his fingers along the cover as if he is praising it, thanking it silently for the blank canvas it provides for him to express himself. His words move you, the meaning behind his composition striking a chord within your heart and, suddenly, you feel a small bead of water rolling down your cheek. As you bring your finger to your eye to wipe away the first tear you have shed in many moons, Ezra looks over at you and catches you in the act.

“Are you alright, Sunflower?” He asks with concern laced in his voice. He would reach out to comfort you through physical touch were he not afraid to overstep and offend you.

“Yes, I’m fine,” you brush off before flashing a soft smile at him. Though, he is not convinced. “It’s beautiful; you have a raw talent for composing. It sounds like a lush place, nothing like around here. What is ‘the Green’?”

“A never-ending stretch of greenery and tall trees. At times, I can faintly smell the aroma of the dirt, muddied by the rain.”

“Where is it?” You ask, a slight hope forming in your heart that you may be able to visit someday.

“Ah, it resides only in my dreams, I’m afraid. A place my subconscious has manifested for me to visit during my slumber.”

“It sounds heavenly,” you add in a whisper.

Ezra is stunned; in his youth, he has composed small poems and sonnets such as the one he just recited to you and each time he dared to share them with anyone, he always got the same response. Classmates teased him and called him a freak or queer and he never felt any desire to share his work again. Yet, with you, your gleaming eyes directed to him with such intrigue, he felt compelled to share once again. And the response this time warms his heart.

“It can be. Then again, it feels quite lonesome as well. Such a colossal stretch of land, yet I am the only one there.”

“It must be my own desire to be free of prying eyes and ears that makes it sound appealing. I did not consider how it has been for you during your travels. Forgive me, Ezra,” you say, your eyes shining with guilt and he looks deeply into them, a touch of gold streaking in his irises as the sun flashes across his face.

“You have nothing to apologize for, dear Sunflower. I understand your desires. If I had also grown in a town such as this, I would gladly welcome a visit to the Green.”

You nod your understanding, but a twinge of guilt hits you as you consider how poorly Ezra must have been treated when he first arrived. You do not wish to ask and ruin the peacefulness of this moment, though you vow to keep it in mind to ask at a later time. For now, you will enjoy your company with Ezra under the large oak tree, heart happily beating in your chest with someone to finally share time with.

Chapter Two || Chapter Four

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[ramzawrites]

Wherever The World Takes Us Part 2 - SBI! Reader Insert

GN

Pairings: none 

Characters included: Wilbur, Jack Manifold, Fundy, Tommy, Tubbo, (mentioned) Philza, (mentioned) Dream, (mentioned) Sapnap, (mentioned) George

Warnings: small mention of death 

Series: Yes, this plays in an AU version of the actual dsmp lore but still follows along the plot. Part 1

Summary: Y/N finally arrives at L’Manberg, talking to Wilbur for the first time after years. They take the chance to get a proper look at L’Manberg and the situation while also resting after the long flight over. Making up their mind that maybe they should stay longer than intended.

Word count: 4586

Authors Note: This is a more calm chapter but the next one should be more action packed and continue to do so. It is a bit of a slow start but the plan is to skip more through the story at important parts. Right now I just want to establish the Reader as a person and their connection to people.

Y/N has been to L’Manberg only once. That was before Wilbur pronounced L’Manberg a nation and started a war with Dream who owned these lands. Back then all they had were some crude builds and a van parked where they apparently lived in. Y/N was at first a bit mad at Wilbur that he would just take Tommy and his son Fundy to some random remote place only to live inside a van for a couple of months. Tommy reassured them that he was okay with it, besides they were in the middle of building up their own home and Wilbur reminded them that in the end he was trying his best and raising Fundy to the best of his abilities after his mom died. Besides Fundy was old enough that for him this was something exciting and saw this more as a camping trip before they properly moved in.

Now as Y/N was approaching the nation in the air they were quite impressed with what they saw. All around the nation stood a huge black wall that simultaneously marked their territory but also protected them from outside forces. Inside the walls were a few of houses, farms and people running around dealing with their own business.

They made a mental note to apologize to Wilbur for accusing him that he was pulling Tommy, Fundy and later even Tubbo into a doomed endeavor. They really should’ve trusted their bigger brother more.

Once Y/N got close enough they angled their wings in such a way that they would stop mid-air, slowly descending towards the ground with a few flaps of their wings. When they touched the ground they gave themself a look-over. Their little bag was still closed, nothing seemed to have flown out. Their sword was still safe against their hip. Honestly they could forgive themself for loosing that bag which almost only included herbs, other medicine with a little of food and a few other necessities but they would never be able to forgive themself if they lost the sword from Techno. Not that they wouldn’t have noticed if suddenly the weight disappeared but you never know.

They landed close to L’Manberg but decided to walk the rest five minutes on foot, stretching their back as they started to walk. Being in the air for three days with breaks was tiring but nothing new to them. One time they managed to fly for almost seven days with only a few breaks but after that their wings and back hurt so much that they needed a month long break. Philza came home from one of his adventures and saw Y/N for the first time in ages. He was happy, of course, but still confused since this only happened rarely. When he found out the reason though he gave them an earful that they should be more careful. Worried that they might have damaged their wings or didn’t get enough to eat.

Y/N subsequently had to let him look through their wings. He actually stayed the whole month at home as well, taking care of them, saying that as much as he was relishing in the freedom after all the kids moved out he did miss sometimes acting like the dad he is.

As they got closer to the gate of the city they really took in how imposing the walls looked. From the air they were already impressive but on ground they looked even more so.

The gate was made from heavy thick wood and was closed which didn’t surprise them seeing that they came over right after a fight against the Dream Team plus the betrayal from inside their group. Who wouldn’t feel paranoid.

Unsure what to do they knocked on the thick wood. Sure, they could fly over the gate but they felt like this would make all the people who didn’t know them wary and scared so they opted to properly trying to get in via the gate.

A small view window opened up giving away to a pair of blue and red colored glasses. Y/N positioned themself properly in front of the person who was silently judging them.

“Hi, my name is (Y/N) and I’m here to visit my family. Can I come in?”

The person behind the gate squinted his eyes “Who exactly would that be?”

Good he was talking to them at least “Oh! My brothers Wilbur, Tommy and my nephew Fundy.”

Suddenly the eyes widened behind the glasses “Give me a minute.” He then closed the little window and presumably left.

If that was an expression of recognition or something else Y/N honestly couldn’t tell. They just hoped it meant something good.

Y/N was awkwardly standing around, looking at everything around them but just ended up taking a better look at their wings. It was a bit of a nervous habit at this point. To be fair after this long flight they should take a good look at them but they didn’t have the mind for that yet.

No, they were too worried about their family. Loosing at least one of your three lives was a normal thing for most people but it still left everyone with their own mental baggage. Y/N couldn’t even imagine how Wilbur must feel. He is in charge of everyone here and then his family members all lost a life. Including his young son.

Wilbur didn’t go into detail of what happened so they hoped that he could fill them in as to what happened.

They were so deep in their thoughts that they didn’t notice how one half of the gate creaked open, revealing Wilbur who immediately crashed into Y/N, giving them a bone-crushing hug as the man with the colored glasses from before was babbling something about “Wait, at least check first!”

Surprised for this sudden hug it took Y/N a moment before they reacted but once they understood what was happening, they wrapped their arms and huge wings protectively around Wilbur.

“I didn’t think you would come visit us.” Wilbur whispered as he held onto them, almost as if he was afraid they would disappear as soon as he let go.

It hurt Y/N so much seeing Wilbur like this.

“After I read your letter I was so worried for you guys.” Y/N opened up their wings again and let go of Wilbur, who only reluctantly followed suit as well. “I needed to make sure and see for myself how you guys were doing. I also need to apologize to you.”

The other man from before was awkwardly scratching his neck as he interrupted them “Um, not to sound rude but don’t you guys want to continue this inside L’Manberg?”

Wilbur took a deep breath in, turned around and nodded “Yeah, you are right, Jack. Let’s get to my home, Y/N. I’ll call Tommy and Tubbo over later so we can talk about everything but you must be tired. If I’m right you definitely flew the whole way over, didn’t you?”

The last part sounded almost accusatory. Though as the older sibling it was his job to look out for them, so all they could do was roll their eyes.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Y/N admitted.

Wilbur smiled at that and begun leading his sibling into the heart of the city.

The city was beautiful. Rustic but beautiful. A few People were running around, greeting Wilbur and chatting happily with each other. Hard to imagine that these people were currently fighting for their freedom against the Dream Team and their people.

Y/N also took the time to get a proper look at Wilbur. He was wearing some sort of revolutionary uniform which only hammered back in how serious this was. How the hell did it go from living in a van to this? How did he manage to do it? It baffled them, it really did.

They were so incredibly proud of Wilbur but just as worried.

Suddenly Wilbur stopped at a beautiful little quaint home. He opened up the door and let himself and Y/N in. Inside he got rid of his jacket and also offered to hang up Y/N’s jacket and bag. They gratefully gave him their things. It felt like a huge weight was off of them.

“Over there is the living room you can sit down there. I’ll bring you something to drink and food.” He wanted to continue talking but he got interrupted by a rumbling sound from upstairs. Wilbur sighed and looked up towards the stairs.

Y/N followed his example only to see an excited Fundy jumping down the stairs “Y/N!”

“Ah! I was wondering where you were! Almost thought my favorite nephew was hiding from me!” they laughed as they opened up their arms.

Fundy didn’t hesitate running straight into them, giving them a hug. Y/N gave them a short hug, including wings only to let go almost immediately and pet his head “Look at you! You grew up quite a bit! Have your ears gotten bigger? Your tail as well!”

Excitedly he nodded in response “Yes! I am also getting better at smelling!”

“Is that true?”

“Yeah.” Surprisingly it was Wilbur who answered tiredly. Oh there was a story to that.

Together with Fundy at their side they walked towards the living room where Y/N gratefully let themself fall unto the couch, basically throwing their shoes off as they put their legs up. Yes, this was nice, now all they needed was some food and a good shower.

Fundy sat down at the end of the couch only to slowly inch closer and closer to them. Y/N had their eyes closed but they noticed the weight shifting around.

“Okay, spit it out Fundy. What is on your mind?”

Opening up one eye they saw how excited Fundy looked. It warmed their heart that even after he lost a life he was still so full of life and with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Though if this was just a shallow observation or the truth would be shown later. They planned to stay for a while. A few weeks at least. After all they had to make sure their family was doing alright at all costs.

“Can you tell me about your adventures?”

For some reason this really took Y/N aback. They supposed you could say they have been a lot around the world and seen some crazy things but they never really thought of them as adventures. It was their way to satisfy their own curiosity and freedom loving behavior. Now that they really thought about it this must run in the family. Philza spends his free time like them traveling around the world working on his own projects, Techno traveled far away to train on his own terms and now Wilbur and Tommy were fighting to free a small nation from the iron grips of a tyrant.

“My adventures, huh. Let me think.” Truth was they spent the most time studying the fauna of the world and learn of new ways to make potions and medicine, as well as treating people who needed it. In fact they actually managed to gain quite the reputation that would gain them the nickname Guardian Angel or in rare cases Angel of Life. Both seemed really cheesy and vague to them. Heal a few people from Zombification and suddenly people believe you are supernatural. Which reminded them.

“Oh! I got a creepy one! Wanna hear it?”

“A creepy what?” Wilbur was suddenly walking in with a glass of water and a few slices of bread just the way Y/N used to eat it for breakfast back when they were kids. It was nice knowing that Wilbur still remembered things like that.

“Y/N was going to tell me a creepy story of one of their adventures!” Fundy explained excitedly.

Wilbur raised one of his eyebrows “Oh, really? You have a creepy story? He put the glass and plate down on the coffee table next to his younger sibling who in return happily moved around on the couch so they sat crossed legged on it. Easier that way to eat and drink.

Fundy moved closer, looking at their wings “So, what about the story?”

“Alright, I’ll tell you about it, you are old enough to hear about zombie stories, right?” Fundy nodded, of course he was. He was twelve years old after all. Just to make sure Y/N looked over to Wilbur who gave them a very nonchalant “Sure, go ahead” shoulder shrug.

With that Y/N begun telling the two about that one time they found an abandoned village. They hoped they could do some trading and resting there but the entire village was just empty. It was only as it became dark that suddenly a ton of zombified villagers came running out. In the end they had to play some sort of cat and mouse game trying their best to find a way to heal them all. Meaning they had to try to heal them before the sun came up, evade their attacks while also brewing potions in the back.

While Fundy was hanging onto every word, interested how Y/N solved this problem, Wilbur begun laughing once they were done telling the story. Both Fundy and Y/N furrowed their brows as they looked at him.

He flailed around with his hand before slapping it down on his leg “I’m sorry it just suddenly really clicked to me why people call you Guardian Angel or Angel of Life. Though to be fair the last one I’m sure they only call you since they know you are related to dad. But, uh, yeah I’m mostly laughing at myself.”

While Fundy waved this off as his dad just being weird Y/N had a shocked expression on their face “You know of these stupid nicknames? You heard of them? How?”

 Now Wilbur looked at them as if they were stupid “Come one, Y/N. You are way more known around the place as you might think. We get a lot of travelers and merchants around here who tell a lot of stories. Now and then we hear them talking about a Guardian Angel that apparently manages to perform miracles. I think I even talked to a person who swore he got saved by you. Said you were quite remarkable and I swear this is in his own words: good on the eyes as well.”

A faint embarrassed blush spread on Y/N’s face “Uh, is that true? I mean kinda weird not gonna lie.”

“Especially since it came from an old geezer.”

“Ender be damned of course it was!”

After this exchange Wilbur led Y/N to his little guest room so they could rest and maybe take a shower only for Y/N to notice that they left in such a hurry they didn’t bring enough clothing with them for multiple weeks. They will definitely get by the next few days but they better get on that.

Y/N was grateful for the hot shower, washing off the grime and dirt from their travel as well as letting their back muscles relax in the warm water. Once they were outside and in fresh clothing they finally took the time to take care of the wings. As much as they loved flying, these damned things were also high maintenance. Even if it was just so they felt more comfortable.

Back when they were a kid Philza would sometimes take the time to do that for them. They tried doing the same thing for him once when he was sick but apparently they did such a horrible job that he banned them from doing that again for at least the next ten years which technically passed years ago already but who is counting.

After a refreshing nap Y/N walked downstairs to find Wilbur sitting in the living room with a ton of maps and other pieces of papers laying around on the coffee table. They slowly approached him and laid a hand on his shoulders. He didn’t react meaning he must have noticed them approaching.

“Hey, you doing alright? What is all this?”

Wilbur let out a tired, weary sigh “Plans on how to strengthen our infrastructure and plans on how to get back at the Dream Team.”

Y/N nodded, fully knowing he can’t see their face and moved on to sit next to him on the couch as well. Taking a look over the papers. There wasn’t anything that really spoke to them nor could they really make out what this all meant, they just simply knew not enough of everything. So they decided to open up a new conversation. Something that was laying heavily on their heart ever since they saw how far L’Manberg has gotten.

“I’m sorry, Wilbur. I was angry at you, that you would take Tommy and your young son away into the middle of nowhere to live in a small van just because you could. Gave you a hard time for that even after Tommy reassured me that everything was fine and you guys were working towards an actual living space. For some reason it wouldn’t get into my thick skull and sure you haven’t fully achieved your current end goal yet but I’m seriously impressed with how far you have gotten. L’Manberg is beautiful and so much bigger than I thought it would ever be. You made something amazing here. I’m sure dad and Techno would be proud of you. I certainly am. So, let me say it again.”

They looked up and made sure to look their older brother directly in the eyes “I am so sorry for doubting you like that and I am so proud of you, Wilbur.”

Wilbur seemed a bit shocked as Y/N just opened up to him like that. Just staring at them, processing the things they just said.

His shocked expression turned into a soft smile “I forgave you a long while ago. You were just worried I get it but I appreciate this nonetheless. You are quite amazing as well, do you know that? I know I made fun of you and your nicknames but I hope you understand that for the simple fact that these things exist you must have really left an impact on people.”

Now it was Y/N’s turn to smile.

“Thank you, Wilby.”

“Now come here!”

Wilbur pulled them close to him again, giving them another one of his huge hugs.

Between the whole family Y/N and Wilbur tended to open up the most and mostly to each other. Technoblade didn’t care much for these things, Philza was a bit in the same boat but he was still there, offering genuine heartfelt counseling when they needed it. Tommy on the other hand liked to avoid these topics in general, feeling uncomfortable with them. That didn’t mean he never talked about these things but it was more rare.

Y/N took a deep breath in as they softly pried Wilbur off of them “I have no idea how to ask so I’m just going to do it. Can you tell me more about what happened that day? But I also understand if you need more time.”

Wilbur returned to stare at the papers in front of him “I first want you to at least talk to Tommy and Tubbo. They missed you a ton and I had to hold them off while you were sleeping. After that I promise you I will tell you everything and I mean absolutely everything. That a deal?”

He sounded sad but also got his, what Y/N and Tommy would call, big brother voice out. He used it rarely but when he did it meant he was serious and it was more of an order even if he used it for a question. The older they got the more annoyed Y/N was with it, seeing how they are closer in age than Tommy and considered themself more mature but they also respected it.

“Okay, deal. I’m guessing they are somewhere around L’Manberg?”

Wilbur visibly relaxed after they answered “Yeah, want me to ask Fundy to show you?”

Y/N shook their head “It’s alright. I’ll take the chance to get a better look of the town. I’ll leave you to it then. Don’t stress yourself out too much alright?”

He just gave them a soft nod before grabbing some of the papers, probably rereading them for the hundredth time.

Reluctantly Y/N stood up and walked towards the door, grabbing their jacket before going out. They loved their jacket it was a gift from Philza. Flying around was a cold endeavor and finding a proper jacket that you could wear with wings was pretty difficult or expensive, so they really treasured this gift from their father.

Outside again they took a good look around. The walls were just as imposing as the last time they saw them. There were only a few houses sprawled around but there was still a ton more space for even more. Wilbur was probably hoping that more people moved in but for that the war between him and Dream had to come to an end. Not a lot of people would dare to move into a town constantly under siege.

Dream was scary as far as Y/N could tell. They heard some things about him on their travels but also via the letters from Wilbur. Apparently he is quite the fighting machine. He owned these lands and ruled over the people there with an iron fist. Always in control over everything.

His best friends, George and Sapnap, form the Dream Team with him. They were also really good fighters. Always standing close to him and follow his lead. Y/N didn’t know much about them besides Sapnap since as far as they have heard he had a love for fire.

It irked them a tiny bit that apparently there really didn’t seem to be a way for both factions to find a more peaceful solution.

As they continued walking they saw the man with the mismatched glasses again. Jack was his name if Y/N remembered correctly. He noticed them walking by and reacted by running towards them with a wave. He seemed way friendlier now.

“Hey! And? What do you think of our own little nation, Y/N?”

Y/N gave him a polite smile “Jack, right? Even as I was seeing it from above I was thinking it looked really amazing. To think this all started out with a van.”

Jack nodded with a satisfied expression on his face “Yeah, it really is amazing what can happen in a few years with some help. Also, yeah, Jack Manifold is my name. I joined a bit later but I’m helping your brothers out. The two, Fundy and even Tubbo were telling me and the others quite a few things about you!”

“I hope only good things and nothing too embarrassing.” They laughed.

“I think they really respect you, from what I can tell, so, I respect you too! Okay, I have some errands to run but I also just wanted to officially greet you and if you have any question don’t hesitate to ask me.”

“Thank you! I will keep that in mind!” They waved him off as he continued on his way.

The people here seem to be friendly, at least once you are inside. Honestly Y/N was really curious of the people that joined L’Manberg in this dangerous time. Why they joined and who they were. They must be some kind of stupid to do that but a kind of stupid that Y/N seriously respected.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to find Tommy and Tubbo huddled up whispering and joking to each other. They were standing around a small carrot farm. Tubbo on the soil with dirty hands and a basket of carrots next to him, leaning against the fence, listening intently to his best friend. Tommy was snacking on a carrot as he was standing on the other side of the fence, wildly gesticulating as he was boasting about something. Both wore the same unform as Wilbur though with a few differences.

It was Tubbo who saw Y/N approaching first. Excitedly he gave them a wave and motioned for them to get over to the little farm. Tommy turned around, surprised to see his older sibling coming closer. A huge grin appearing on his face.

“Y/N!”

“Tommy! You seem to be doing well! You too Tubbo! It’s been quite some time!” It felt like a huge weight was lifted off of them. They were definitely glad that the two looked like they always do and not cooped up at home. The two moved in together and have been a huge help to Wilbur but also quite troublesome as well as far as Y/N could remember from the letters they received.

Tubbo rubbed his hands on a rag, hurriedly trying to clean them as he walked towards the other Hybrid, Tommy close behind. He leaned towards Y/N who in return immediately followed the motion recognizing that he was about to give them a small headbutt. This was shortly followed by a hug from both Tubbo and Tommy at the same time.

The two grew up quite a bit of course but Y/N really marveled at Tubbo’s horns which have grown a lot over time. Curling around his big flappy ears just like Schlatt.

“You are here?” Tommy asked.

Y/N gave themself a look over “Uh, as it seems I am indeed here right now.”

Tommy just rolled his eyes at his older siblings antics.

“For how long?” Tubbo was the one to ask.

To be honest Y/N wasn’t absolutely sure themself so they shrugged “A couple of weeks maybe. We’ll see.”

“Ha! I bet you haven’t talked with Wilbur about that yet! Actually I also bet you just came over without much thinking.” Tommy laughed. They haven’t seen each other in a while but apparently he could still read them like a book.

Y/N slung their arm around the blonde and pressed their other fist on top of his head “We haven’t seen each other in literal years and this is how you treat me the first time we see each other?”

“How about we show them our home Tommy? We both build this up so that’s something cool to show right?”

They sighed and let go off Tommy “I was really hoping once you moved in with Tubbo you would become less cheeky and more nice but I guess some things never change. You make fun of me while Tubbo is actually being a good host.”

“Yeah, yeah. By the way have you had a proper look around L’Manberg?”

“I only walked around a bit in order to find you guys, not a proper tour if that is what you mean.”

This time both Tubbo and Tommy grinned.

“Well then let me show you around!” Tommy was now boasting. He was clearly proud of what he helped build up, of this nation. Y/N was glad that he found something to put his energy in like this. Guilt snuck back in as they remembered how much they doubted Wilbur and Tommy in this.

Sure their situation right now wasn’t optimal but how couldn’t you be amazed or even proud of them. This only used to be a van and now it was a straight up town, a small nation in the works. They couldn’t help but think that maybe having a doctor like them on hand would be quite helpful as well.

[fanficshiddles]

Obsession, Chapter 14

After having a few hours nap, which Robyn didn’t get that much rest from because she was in the arms of a serial killer after all, Tom put tape over her mouth once more because he had to go out for a few hours. He had to restrain her free hand too, so she wouldn’t remove the gag herself.

While he was away, Robyn managed to get a better sleep for a while, even though she was slightly more uncomfortable due to both hands being cuffed to the ring above the bed. She had cried herself to sleep, but when she woke, she felt slightly more rested. But her stomach was growling, she was hungry again. She knew she was completely reliant on Tom at the moment for food, and she knew that he was loving it.

She kept her mind occupied by looking at shapes on the patterned roof. As if she kept thinking about her situation, she knew she would go absolutely crazy.

Robyn jumped when she heard the front door opening from downstairs. Her blood ran cold, she knew that was Tom back. Part of had hoped he would just leave her there to rot. It would be a painful and slow death but at least it would be better than constantly being harassed by him and possibly tortured in an even worse way.

Tom entered the bedroom with a big smile on his face when he saw Robyn on the bed, waiting for him.

‘Hello, kitten.’ He went over to her and kissed the top of her head, she tried avoiding him but couldn’t get very far. ‘I got you a few presents.’

He revealed a bunch of roses for her, then proceeded to put them into a vase that was lying in the corner of the room. He put the vase on her bedside table. Then he pulled something out of the carrier bag he had with him.

Her eyes widened when she saw it was a small tub of ice cream from her favourite shop. It was her favourite flavour, strawberry. It also made her realise just how much he had actually been stalking her that he knew it was her favourite. Since she didn’t go there very often, saving it as a special treat.

‘I thought you’d like this little treat.’ He said, pleased with himself when he sat down next to her and pulled the tape off her mouth, she whimpered a little from the pain. ‘Sorry, pet. You can’t be trusted to keep quiet when I’m out. But we won’t need to worry about that at all when I get you home, it’s completely soundproof.’ He said like it was a completely normal and good thing.

She tried to ignore the sinking feeling of hopelessness within her.

Tom pulled the ice cream lid off and grabbed the little wooden spoon that came with it. He scooped some up and fed her. She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes and argue with him, she didn’t want to risk not getting the tasty treat!

Robyn didn’t fail to notice that Tom’s bulge was becoming more prominent while he fed her. Clearly some perverted fantasy to have her like a doll that he needed to look after in every way. But she couldn’t deny how good the ice cream was, a little pleasure in this hell hole, something that she was going to hold onto.

When she finished, she knew she was going to have to ask him the dreaded question.

‘I… I need the toilet.’ She said quietly.

‘For what reason?’ Tom asked casually.

‘That is the most dumbass question I’ve ever heard! I need to piss! Why else?’ She snapped at him.

Tom raised his eyebrow at her in disapproval. He leaned over and gripped her face, his fingers dug into her cheeks. ‘I’ve already warned you, watch your tongue.’ He growled in warning.

He unlocked her handcuff that was attached to the ring, but he left it hanging from her wrist. He gripped her upper arm and hauled her off the bed, then marched her through to the bathroom.

‘You have exactly twenty seconds.’ He shoved her in and shut the door, but he was waiting directly outside.

She wished she had said she needed a shit, then she thought he might’ve given her longer if that’s why he asked. As she sat down on the toilet to do her business, she looked around the bathroom and took note of the window and any items in there that might be of use to her. But it had been stripped bare, all she could see was his shampoo and body wash in the shower. There was a small cabinet above the sink but she knew she wouldn’t have time to look in there.

Just as she bent forward to wipe herself, the door burst open and Tom was stood there with his arms folded over his chest, looking at her intently.

‘Fuck sake! I’m just coming!’ She screeched at him.

Tom narrowed his eyes at her. She was certainly getting feisty now.

‘I said thirty seconds, if you’re not done by the end of it, it’s not my fault I need to keep an eye on you.’ He drawled as she quickly finished and flushed.

‘Am I allowed to wash my hands?’ She motioned to the sink.

‘Of course. It would be disgusting if you didn’t.’ Tom smirked.

She turned her back on him to the sink, gritting her teeth as she washed her hands. She looked at the cabinet, it was a mirror too and she could see his smug ass face watching her every move.

‘What about my teeth? Can I brush my teeth? And my hair, I need my hairbrush!’ She turned back around and he tossed her the towel that was by the door on the radiator.

‘I will be fetching some of your essentials later. In the meantime, you don’t need anything else.’ He said firmly and nodded his head back towards the bedroom.

‘Please don’t restrain me again.’ She whined as he slipped his hand up to the back of her neck and guided her into the bedroom. ‘I’ll be good, I just want to walk around the room. Please?’ She pleaded.

‘No.’ He said firmly and forced her onto the bed so he could re-attach the other cuff to the wall and put the other one on her other hand too. ‘I have more work to be done. When I return, if you’ve been good, I will allow you to come downstairs with me for something to eat.’

She knew she was supposed to be grateful for that, but it was difficult to be in this kind of situation. The tape was reapplied to her mouth, much to her annoyance.

‘I won’t be long, kitten.’ He kissed her forehead gently, as if a husband just saying goodbye to his wife before going to work.

He pulled on his leather gloves and put on his jacket, before grabbing his bag and winking at her as he headed out the room. She listened carefully for the sound of the front door closing before she relaxed a little in knowing he wasn’t in the same house.

-

Tom was in the house of his next victim. She lived alone, worked from home too. But she had nipped out to the shop, stupidly leaving her back door unlocked. It allowed Tom to slip in so easily.

She had something that he wanted for his girl.

Waiting patiently for her return, he waited until she walked into the kitchen when he pounced from behind the door and grabbed her. He easily got her down to the ground and pinned underneath him as he straddled over her chest, her arms stuck down at her sides. He squeezed his legs tightly against her, keeping her still.

Smirking, he forced her mouth wide open by squeezing her cheeks really hard and he quickly grabbed hold of her tongue with a set of pliers he had with him. Tongues were too slippery for fingers to grab easily. Pulling it out as far as he could, he sliced it off with his large knife. She couldn’t talk or scream in the same way now, but she still made her excruciating pain known by the noises that did come out of her.

He moved enough so he could get hold of her hand, he pulled it up with a firm grip and studied her fingers. She had roughly the same size fingers as Robyn. It was the beautiful sapphire ring she was wearing that had captured his attention.

‘Yes, this will look lovely on my darling.’ He said as he then proceeded to cut her index finger off.

The woman thrashed violently under him, in so much pain. But Tom just chuckled at her attempts as he slid the ring off of the severed finger and pocketed it. He put her finger down next to her tongue and then wrapped his hand around her neck firmly.

‘Thank you for this delightful ring.’ He grinned wickedly as he started to squeeze the life out of her.

-

Robyn was sound asleep when Tom returned. But he was horny as hell after killing, so he wasn’t about to wait for her to wake up.

Shrugging off his jacket and removing his gloves quickly, he climbed on the bed over the top of her and started removing her top. He should’ve done it earlier, he thought. But he had fun tearing it off her.

Robyn woke up and cried out through the tape, she tried kicking him off but he ignored her feeble attempts. With her top torn off, he removed her bra the best he could with her hands restrained. As long as he had access to her breasts, he didn’t care.

He squeezed them roughly, then rubbed his thumbs over her nipples. They were starting to harden under his rough touch. Her eyes widened when she saw some blood staining his white shirt, she felt like she was going to be sick as she knew exactly what he had been doing.

But there was nothing she could do to stop him in his horny rage.

Tom moved between her legs, forcing them apart. He quickly unbuckled his belt, unzipped his trousers and removed his hard, straining cock. He rubbed himself against her inner thigh, staining her skin with his pre-cum.

He tried his best to prepare her a bit first, by seeking out her clit and gently rubbing it a few times. But he was SO desperate to get inside her, in a blind frenzy he just couldn’t hold back any longer. So he lined up with her and pushed right in, firmly, and at a steady pace until he was balls deep within her.

‘Ohhhh YES!’ He moaned loudly as he laid himself fully on top of her, almost crushing her with the size of him in comparison.

He slipped a hand underneath her bum and angled her up more, so he could start rocking into her at a better angle. She was so tight, not ready for him. But as he started fucking her, deep and hard, his pubic hair brushing against her clit that was forced rudely out from hiding because of his imposing size, she started to whimper behind the tape as he forced pleasure out of her.

She closed her eyes tightly and tried to imagine she was somewhere else until it was over. But Tom didn’t allow that. He grabbed her face harshly with his large hand.

‘Look at me, kitten!’ He snarled.

Her eyes flew open and she was forced to look at him while he fucked her. His cock forcing her open, keeping her open around him. But he could tell she was starting to enjoy it, the way her walls fluttered around him. She was growing wetter, just as he wanted.

‘That’s it, that’s my good girl. Your cunt knows who she belongs to.’ He growled, snapping into her roughly, making her body jolt.

He started fucking her so hard the entire bed started moving, the headboard banging against the wall. But that kind of noise he didn’t care about, neighbours wouldn’t fuss with that.

Robyn started crying, but her tears made him even more ravenous. His thrusts started to falter, he was just ramming into her now with one goal, his own orgasm. But she was horrified when she actually had an orgasm of her own, clenching hard on his cock unwillingly.

‘Oooohhhh, darling.’ He grunted and removed his hand from her face, sliding it down to wrap around her neck tightly. He saw the panic in her eyes, and that was all he needed to send him over the edge.

Panting hard, he pressed his forehead against hers as he eased up with the hold on her neck. Her nostrils flared as she struggled to breathe properly. Tom noticed and tore the tape off her mouth, she took a huge breath in as if she had been under water for ages. Her breathing was shaky though as she cried.

Tom rolled off and lay beside her, a big grin on his face. It was so nice having his actual fantasy to come home to. Instead of just getting a quick fuck from some whore on the streets, or using his hand after a kill.

He reached over and lazily grabbed her breast, squeezing and pinching her nipple, keeping her whimpering as her entire body shook.

‘I have something for you, kitten.’ He said lazily as he leaned up more on his side, stopping his assault on her breast.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring.

Robyn just stared at it, as if it was going to eat her alive. He smiled and grabbed her hand, then slid the ring onto her ring finger. He beamed happily as it slid on snugly.

‘Well would you look at that. A perfect fit.’ He brought her hand up to his lips and he kissed her knuckles softly. ‘For the perfect girl.’

[val-aquenta]

Late again! I’m sorry about that, but here it is. Jedi June for the prompt: There is no death, there is the Force

Here on ao3

Luke has spent years travelling across the galaxy chasing after the hints of Jedi that remained. He had not understood the extent that the Empire had gone to destroy every single piece of evidence for the existence of the Jedi. The average citizen of the Empire, now called the Republic and benign re-organised under Leia’s watchful eyes, did not even know what a Jedi was. Often the only ones who remembered were those directly related to people from the Clone Wars. Still, Luke had expected… something at the very least. Some books about them, or written by them, saved somewhere. Perhaps, if he was lucky, survivors. It seems, however, that was not the case. 

The first thing he’d gone to was the various Temples scattered around the place. Most of them had already been crumbling before the empire had risen, and therefore there was little there. He’d been told by an old twi’lek lady that Jedi of all ages would come there to study archaeology and theology of other sects of the Jedi here, however that had stopped during the war, the Republic calling them back to fight on the front lines instead of pursuing their interests here. “A Jedi left me these when she went to fight.” The twi’lek had opened a somewhat ornate box of Mirialan style, he believed and revealed books and old clothes. “She never returned to pick them up.” Sadness then shone in the twi’leks eyes, a loneliness and loss that spoke of a love lost to the cruelty of death. The twi’lek had let him take photos of a lot of it, keeping some parts of the personal journal private, and had sent him on his way with a blessing. 

Eventually, as the Imperial threat disappeared and fled to the outer rim, Luke made his way to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, expecting some kind of remnant of the Jedi. Here, at least, people knew of them, but they seemed to dislike them very much. The Temple was still there, but it had been cruelly turned into the Imperial palace for Palpatine to languish in. He watched, anger twisting his gut, as they burned down the Imperial banners decorating the outside walls. Leia had gone with him as they entered the ruined building. It would have been a beautiful place if the death of children could not be felt through the walls. Darkness seemed to coat the surface of the Temple like oil on water, but he felt some semblance of hope as less touched places rejoiced at the feeling of a Jedi for the first time in many years. The archives which might have been beautiful only held the broken empty datacubes and vandalised art. The corridors Luke walked might have been a wonderful experience had the Empire not covered the cream walls with black paint and the blue carpet with red. Luke had left the artificial planet, now forever tainted by darkness, to establish his Jedi Order elsewhere, still on the lookout for the remnants of the Jedi. 

A few years later an anonymous tip had sent him to some coordinates where a planet, icy and cold, hung. A massive trench bisected the planet, held together by some kind of metal machinations. There was a heavy loss hanging in the air when he stepped off and, once he delved into the planet, he realised that crystals had once been plentiful here. Indeed, almost hidden if not for the Force’s insistent pushing, a small cavern with Jedi carvings and crystals as well as a wall of ice hung. Obi-Wan had made himself known here, blue colour blending into the light colour of the ice. “What was this place?” He asked curiously, touching the head of a fallen statue softly. Obi-Wan, he knew, could not make himself appear often, so whenever they met he tried to make the most of it. Here though, strangely enough, he looked fainter than usual, as though he was weaker. 

Ben’s face was filled with soft grief and loss. “This is Ilum. It was where the Gathering happened. Where younglings collected their crystals and faced their fears.” He looked around with sorrow. “I only wish that you could experience the same.”

Luke took in the fractured light here, broken by the loss of so much Kyber, “So do I.” Obi-Wan had opened the ice with the middle crystal, carefully manoeuvring it until it struck the ice. It had revealed the empty coves, only a few littered crystals remaining, some crushed under the boots of those who had mined here. Ben had dissipated soon after, not before regaling Luke with stories of the gathering which Luke had recorded carefully, trying not to be too bitter. Luke had left, disappointed and even more disillusioned. He just wanted something that remained for him to understand and experience. 

Hurt by the fractured nature of the legacy of the Jedi, he had gone back to the Temple and fallen into a fit of sadness, trying to spend more time with the new Jedi, but every time he hit a curve and he did not know what to teach and how to answer a question, the mood would return. Even here in his home, he felt, unmoored, disconnected from what he did. 

It was a day after one such event where Luke sat, meditating by a creek when he felt the telltale fluttery presence of a ghost. He slowly drew himself out of the meditation and peered over to blink in surprise. He’d never met this person before, and he was rather curious. The man, tall and imposing, cut a stern figure despite being a wispy blue. The man took a seat in front of him, on a rock lit by the sun. Strangely enough, the sun seemed to pass through him, and very little shadow outlined the ground. 

“Luke Skywalker, am I right?” His robes were plain, not adorned as he had seen in a grainy image of a togruta he’d managed to recover.

“Yes… and you are?” His hands rested against his lap. Luke peered closely at the robes, attempting to memorise this set of robes to perhaps recreate it.

“Master Mace Windu.” The man bowed in greeting with that.

Luke gasped, “The Master Windu? From Ryloth?” This man was a hero. Legends still popped up, inspired by his feats of strength in Ryloth amongst the twi’lek. “You’re a legend…”

Mace chuckled a bit, “Am I?” He took a moment to compose himself, sitting down across from Luke. His face slowly set back into its serious contemplative state, resting a hand against his chin. “You are… interesting, and very kind. Attempting to piece together what the Empire destroyed.”

Luke grew cold. The failure to piece the Jedi back together stung. “Failing.”

“Not by your hand, though.” Mace was stern but still kind. He tilted his head, observing Luke thoughtfully. “You have done the best you could make no mistake, but there is very little left of us.” Luke felt a warmth being included with mace and the other Jedi. “Your perseverance to do so is commendable, but you must know when to stop, and when to focus on the Jedi under your care. They depend on you more than you realise.”

“But they ask questions, Master Windu, questions that I have no answers for.” Luke thought back to the day when a young Padawan had asked about the nature of relationships in relation to the Jedi way. “They killed our culture, and I can’t revive it.”

“Perhaps, but you can create it. You are a Jedi Luke, a Jedi capable of many great things.” A sadness seemed to envelop the man. “I wish that you might have lived in the Temple, but it has passed." The man seemed to be looking through him, as though he saw something beyond just his flesh and bone. Luminous beings indeed, Luke thought "Just because there is no Council, or the structure we once had is gone, does not mean you are a lesser Jedi than any of us.”

Luke looked away, “I don’t think I’m capable of doing that. What if I get something wrong.”

“Then you do.” The man brushed invisible dust from his robes and stood up a telltale sign that he was going to fade away. “This is the New Jedi Order, things are bound to change and be different. You can’t expect to salvage a whole culture from the scattered ashes of an old one. The change is already here, now you must only embrace it.” Mace flickered ominously. “Ah, farewell Luke. May the Force be with you.”

Luke stood, “May the Force be with you.” The man smiled softly and slowly dissipated leaving nothing behind as he did so, Luke watching him fade away until there was nothing.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Nice! I'm loving how you write, you write really well! 😍 could you write jiggy as a rogue cultivator? His Nie brother was angry enough that he thought it would be a good idea to bail for a little. And something something 😊

“Of course I’ll recognize him,” Jin Guangshan said when the war was won, and those were the words Meng Yao had been waiting for so long to hear. The validation he’d craved, that he’d demanded, that he’d betrayed and killed and schemed for – his mother’s first and last dream for him, the one he’d sworn to her memory that he would honor no matter what the cost.

The man wasn’t even talking to him.

“He’s my son, isn’t he?” Jin Guangshan said, puffing his chest out as all the cultivators around him oohed and ahhed over his generosity. “He’ll be part of the family, with a proper name and everything – you can call him Jin Guangyao.”

“A good name,” one of the sycophant sect leaders that always hovered by Jin Guangshan’s side said, sickening smile on his lips; it was echoed by those like him.

Guang – that was the name of the prior generation. Properly speaking, given his age, it ought to be Jin Ziyao, but that would be too much, wouldn’t it? It might imply that he had anything to do with the next generation, with the line of succession, and Jin Guangshan clearly didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea, least of all him.

This is what I’ve sacrificed so much for?

“He’d already joined the Jin sect, you know,” Jin Guangshan was telling someone now. “Before we sent him off to be a spy – his merits should be counted in the Jin sect’s favor, when we begin to split up the spoils. And since he was the one who brought down Wen Ruohan, that should get us the most…”

Meng Yao instinctively tensed, waiting for Nie Mingjue to give Jin Guangshan the tongue-lashing a shameless statement like that deserved. When it didn’t come, he turned to look at the man.

Nie Mingjue was sitting down, which he hated to do, his eyes blankly gazing out into the distance. His clothing was clean, and his saber was at his back; there was nothing in his bearing or posture that hinted that he’d been in chains less than a full day earlier, forced to kneel before the man he hated most.

He looked tired.

Meng Yao suddenly wanted to go to his side the way he had when he was the man’s deputy. No one would have questioned it, back then; it would have all been simple and straightforward, the way most things were with the Nie sect. They would have all assumed he had some reason, or even just that Nie Mingjue would be happy to have him there – and he had been, consistently, even if Meng Yao really hadn’t had any reason to be there.

Everyone just accepted that his rightful place was at the Sect Leader’s side.

Even if there’d been whispers implying things between them, and of course there’d been whispers, quite a large number of people had actually sounded admiring about it, of all improbable things – he’d limped once because of a rock in his shoe, and half a dozen cultivators had offered him toasts, quite sincerely, for having had the bravery to scale such an imposing mountain.

Nie Mingjue wouldn’t be happy to have him there now.

There wasn’t any reason for him to go there now, anyway. He’d done just as Nie Mingjue had predicted, the bitter words he’d hissed to Lan Xichen when the latter man had proposed they swear brotherhood when the battle had ended: you know he only wants the glory so that he can buy his way into his father’s sect, why should I let him step on me to get there more than he has already –

He’d agreed to swear brotherhood, in the end. Meng Yao didn’t know if it was for Lan Xichen’s sake, or his own, and Nie Mingjue certainly hadn’t looked happy about it, but he’d agreed.

Maybe he’d just been too tired to keep fighting. Before, Meng Yao would have scoffed at the thought - Nie MIngjue? Not fighting?

But now...

Jin Guangshan would be very happy when he found out about their agreement to swear brotherhood whenever an appropriate place and shrine could be found. A direct connection between his sect and two sect leaders? That was even more valuable than the merits of being a war hero, and more lasting – Meng Yao could leverage it into a better position than the one undoubtedly being planned for him. He could use it to win a place at Jin Guangshan’s side, and from there he could determined where to go next - how best to serve his father’s interests, to win his attention, and climb his way to the top.

It was what he’d planned.

It was…pointless.

He’d only promised his mother he’d get the name, hadn’t he? Jin Guangshan’s recognition. That’s what he’d told her as she’d faded away, her hands in his: he’d promised her that he’d make it to Lanling, and one day his father would call him by the name he deserved to have. 

The promise that one day he’d be the one at the top of those stairs, looking down at those he would be able to crush beneath his feet – that’d only been a promise he’d made to himself.

Those were much easier to break.

“You honor me, Father,” Meng Yao said, suddenly full of recklessness, holding his arms up gracefully to salute. “I gladly accept the name you have chosen to bestow upon me.”

Jin Guangshan looked smugly satisfied by his meek obedience. “Yes, well,” he said. “We’ll have to find a place for you, too – something to keep you busy.”

Something to keep you out of the way.

Just as he’d expected.

“No need,” Meng Yao said, and he noticed out of the corner of his eye that Nie Mingjue had turned his head to look at him. He couldn’t see the man’s expression, but he hoped he was surprised. “Your recognition is enough for me. I will of course come to Lanling to pay my filial respects, but I fear I’ve been outside for too long to feel comfortable anywhere. With your permission, I intend to continue to be a rogue cultivator.”

Jin Guangshan looked surprised, but also pleased; the man truly was a short-sighted idiot, thinking about how much trouble it would save him not to have to bring Meng Yao – to bring Jin Guangyao home, and not at all about what he might be giving up by not doing so.

Meng Yao’s brains clearly all came from his mother.

Jin Guangshan would be kicking himself over it when he heard the news of the swearing ceremony – Meng Yao intended to do that much, at least. Abandoning a position he didn’t actually want was one thing, but he’d earned that oath, the backing of two of the most powerful people in the world. Even if Nie Mingjue hated him forever, he wouldn’t allow anyone to look down on someone who called him brother, and his support, along with Lan Xichen’s, would undoubtedly be very handy in the future, no matter what he eventually chose to do with his life.

“Of course, of course,” Jin Guangshan said, and he was saying it in public, too; it would be too late for him to change his mind, later. Not without a loss of face that he wouldn’t be able to bear. “As you see fit, A-Yao. In fact, I think it’s a good idea - don’t all of you? These young men, war heroes, they’re all so flighty, aren’t they? All they think about is glory…it would be a cruelty to tie them down with responsibilities they don’t need. You can always return to Lanling, of course, whenever you need aid, and call upon our resources, within reason –”

Lanling Jin was wealthy enough that Meng Yao could buy everything he’d ever wanted three times over without them even noticing, but Jin Guangshan just had to add in that little ‘within reason’. A sign of the humiliations Meng Yao would have had to endure, if he’d stubbornly stayed the course.

He’d had his fill of humiliation. A lifetime’s worth. 

“– and of course you have the right to wear sparks amid snow if you wish.”

Meng Yao saluted again, murmured a thank you, and retreated.

“Are you sure?” Lan Xichen asked him, looking worried. “I thought you wanted…”

“I changed my mind,” Meng Yao told him. “Maybe I’ll come visit you in Gusu instead.”

Lan Xichen smiled, and Meng Yao’s heart skipped a beat the way it always did. “You’re always welcome.”

“At Qinghe, too,” an unexpected voice said, and Meng Yao glanced over at Nie Mingjue – standing now, but leaning against a wall. His clothing had gaped open a little when he’d moved, revealing a hint of white bandages beneath his robes. He must have been injured much worse than Meng Yao had realized for it to still be affecting him.

Lan Xichen brightened while Meng Yao was still wondering what had happened to Nie Mingjue during that missing time between his capture at Yangquan and his presentation before the throne at the Nightless City. “Does that mean you’ve..?”

“I’m swearing brotherhood with him, of course he can come visit,” Nie Mingjue cut him off, turning his face away in what might even be embarrassment. “There’s nothing more to it than that.”

There was, of course. Meng Yao had turned down something that suited his self-interest, a move atypical of him, entirely contrary to the shallow and ambitious person Nie Mingjue had judged him to be – he’d gotten Nie Mingjue’s curiosity up. It wasn’t forgiveness, not even close, but it was something.

He could use that.

“Qinghe, too,” Meng Yao said, and smiled. “Maybe I’ll build up a collection of fans as I travel and leave them all there for Huaisang’s amusement.”

Nie Mingjue groaned. “Don’t; it’s already bad enough – do you know he’s filled up an entire closet?”

“An entire closet?” Lan Xichen asked, amused. “Surely not –”

“I swear he got one for every day of the war –”

“Surely not. He can’t even use that many!”

“I’m telling you, Xichen –”

Some time alone would be good, Meng Yao decided. He would use the time to think about what he wanted to do with his life – what he wanted, not his mother’s dreams for him.

And when he was done thinking –

Well.

There was always Gusu and Qinghe waiting for him.

[hello-nichya-here]

Zucest - Is It Really Flirting?

(Originally posted on AO3 as chapter 43 of Defending and Analysing Zucest)

@azdaema-does-art asked: So I think a big stumbling block for me with this ship is that I very much adhere to the reading of the show that holds:

Quasi-Seducer!Azula (as seen virtually anytime) and Quasi-Seducer!Zuko (as seen in "The Waterbending Scroll") are not actually expressions of desire from them. Rather, this is Zuko and Azula trying to be intimidating by modeling their behavior off their father (circling, personal-space-invading, low seductive tones, etc)

When actually trying to flirt neither Zuko nor Azula acts anything like that. When Zuko goes on that date with a girl in the Earth Kingdom, or Azula flirting with that guy on Ember Island, they're both awkward disasters.

I'd be curious to hear you address this. (Or point me to some awkward disaster!zucest fanfic.)

***

That is a really good point and I'm glad you brought it up. While I understand that reading of the show, I disagree with it slightly for a few reasons (beyond my own bias).

Need to be in control: No one can argue against the fact that neither Zuko nor Azula know how to have "normal", healthy relationships with others, mainly due to how unequal 99% of the relationships in the Fire Nation are since imposing your own will over someone else's has become part of their culture. Both Zuko and Azula accepted being treated like mere tools/punching bags by their father, Zuko was constantly insulting Iroh over the smallest things and Azula full on threatened Ty Lee's life to make her join her on her chase after her brother and the Avatar - both were scenarios where desire wasn't a factor at all (thought I know many fans that would like to think otherwise XD)

However, during The Beach, we saw how both of them try (and fail) to deal with romance. Zuko was extremelly paranoid that Mai was interested in another guy, for no real reason, and was constantly trying to intimidate her into either admiting to it or into saying she disliked the guy, even though she had clearly said she was completely indifferent to him. And Azula, after her kiss with Chan, decided, on her own and not giving a damn about his feelings on the matter, that not only would they be officially a couple, but that they'd dominate the earth together. Control is, more often than not, a major factor in all of their actions and relationships, so Azula wanting to intimidate Zuko in the bedroom scene (which she very much tried to do and succeeded at) doesn't automatically rule out the possibility of atraction.

Mixed feelings: While "I wanna fight/kill my sibling" is sort of these two default state, there are moments that show that they do have at least some positive feelings for each other. Zuko doesn't give a shit that Aang is going to kill Ozai, but seeing Azula falling "to her death" and then chained up and defeated after their Agni Kai quite clearly made him emotional, even if he tried to control himself. Azula's positive feelings for Zuko are so obvious I had to do an in length discussion of it in chapter 12 "Is Zucest just about sex?" Combine all of the conflicting emotions they have for each other with their need to control the other, and some scenes end up getting some connotations the writers weren't planning them to have... supposedly (I'll get into that in a bit)

Awareness and familiarity: Don't get me wrong, Zuko and Azula are two extremelly traumatized, socially awkward teenagers who have no idea how to flirt (or how to fit in with people their age) but we also need to take context into consideration, especiall when it comes to Zuko's date with Jin and Azula's interactions with Chan.

In Ba Sing Se, Zuko was outside of his comfort zone, away from home, in enemy territory, and so paranoid that he assumed Jin came into the tea shop so often because she knew they were Fire Nation, not because she had a crush on him or simply enjoyed their tea. And while he liked her and the date was nice, Zuko was very "stiff" and even looked a bit uncomfortable (not to say very uncomfortable) at some points - which is oddly simmilar to how he was acting during the bedroom scene (hell, Azula was quite clearly looking at him just like Jin did, as I pointed out in "The most important parallel in Avatar"). Finally, we cannot forget that, even though he was awkward as fuck during 90% of the night, Zuko did manage to do something kinda romantic by lighting up the place, meaning he isn't completely oblivious to the concept of flirting (which is proved by his relationship with Mai).

Now, when it comes to Azula, the poor girl has almost no idea how to flirt. Almost. Talking about Chan's sharp outfit shows she's got some of the basis down, like "say something nice" - the problem is that her concept of "nice" is very different than that of most people. She did sort of know what to do once Ty Lee gave her some tips... but she quickly reversed back to her regular ways - which once again shows that flirting/seduction has an element of control and intimidation for her. She probably doesn't always mean to act in ways that could be considered flirty, but that doesn't mean she is completely oblivious to the implications of, let's say, invading her brother's personal space and talking to him in a low tone while wearing nothing but a robe.

And since I mentioned Azula going back to what she knows, that leads us to another thing to take into account: the fact that Zuko and Azula quite literally knew each other their whole lives - meaning if they were to ever flirt with each other, it would probably look at least somewhat different than when they were out of their element. Azula was the one in control, so she was far more comfortable and confident than she had been with Chan, and Zuko was the one being intimidated, which explains why he kept his guard up. Once again, that "theory" is sort of confirmed if we compare how Zuko acted while flirting with Mai on The Headband versus how he tried to interact with her in The Beach - when he used a non-traditional, but very Mai-esque "You're so beautiful when you hate the world" he got her equivalent of an "I love you" when she told him she didn't hate him, but he tried to do more "normal" things like getting her a pretty shell it blew up on his face. He knows Mai since they were both kids, meaning he usually knows how to deal with her, just like Azula usually knows how to deal with him.  

Intensity: While a lot of Azula's behavior can be explained by her copying Ozai, we need to remember that there's only so much he could affect, especially since her way of "intimidating" Zuko was far more touchy and incestuous than his, and lasted a lot longer. Azula gets close to people when she's intimidating them (see how she toyed with Aang in The Drill), but not as close as she did with her brother. The sole exception to that being Sokka on The Day Of Black Sun - but that is on somewhat shaky ground despite the accidental sexual tension since the first time she got close to him she was being launched by the Dai Li and he just happened to be standing a little bellow the direction she was launched at, and the second time had him pinning her to the wall (which is in character since Sokka usually goes straight at his foes to intimidate them while fighting), and as soon as she had her firebending back she pushed him away. On top of that, she was trying to distract him, Aang and Toph, meaning he wasn't her focus at all, and she ignored him on all the other times their groups were facing each other.

With Zuko on the other hand, she was going full force, like I said on my analysis of the bedroom scene. She played coy, stared at him in a very intense, weird way, circled the pillar on her bed, stretched in front of him, got on his personal space touching his shoulder and chest, and bit her lip while talking basically purring her words. That is all a bit too much for me to believe it was just about intimidation. And the touching gets even more suspicious when you notice Azula does enjoy and is willing to give physical affection - she hugged both Mai and Ty Lee after seeing them again, pulled Ty Lee close while conforting her and apologizing for her harsh words at The Beach... and put her hand on Zuko's shoulder while saying he restored his own honor to reassure him after he was feeling bad for betraying his uncle.

Intention of the actors/writers/animators: Avatar is no stranger to parallels. It also isn't a stranger to adult themes/jokes, fanservice, and ship teasing. For instance, even thought they didn't end up together and were never canonically interested in each other, there was A LOT of hints/teases of Zutara - dude fucking took lightining to the heart for her.

Just like the writers and producers were aware of Zutara, Tokka and many, many other ships, they were also aware of Zucest and even jokingly shipped Azula and The Blue Spirit at a panel. The animators habit of sexualizing the characters speaks for itself, so I won't even go into that. Finally, Grey Delisle, Azula's voice actress is a Zucest shiper, has brought it up many times, asked people to send her fanart and fanfic of it, created the phrase "Zucest is best cest", and has full on said she voiced the scene as if Azula was trying to seduce Zuko,  - which regardless of whether or not the writers intended for the character to be doing, means that there is a very strong incest subtext to the scene and that, in a weird way, "Azula" herself confirmed her motives to act the way she did.

[bloody-bee-tea]

BeeTober 2020 Day 10

Chain - Rain

Day 10 of Beetober brings some Sangcheng feelings, where both of them are dumb pining boys but one accidental kiss solves all of their problems.

Jiang Cheng is very warm and comfortable, where he is resting. It doesn’t help with the general sleepiness, that Nie Huaisang is carding his fingers through Jiang Cheng’s hair in a steady and soothing manner, but Jiang Cheng knows that soon enough he’ll have to get up and get going, at least if he wants to be on time for dinner with his siblings.

And not being on time is simply not an option.

“I have to go,” Jiang Cheng complains, too comfortable to actually move though and Nie Huaisang doesn’t stop his ministrations either.

“Mh, sure,” Nie Huaisang absentmindedly says, his eyes glued to the screen and the fan that’s being painted at the moment and Jiang Cheng sighs.

He doesn’t want to leave, but Jiang Yanli is going to be so very disappointed if he’s late.

“Stop, Huaisang,” Jiang Cheng finally forces himself to say, and since he’s at it already, he sits up as well.

“Nooooo,” Nie Huaisang whines and Jiang Cheng pets his head.

“Make up your mind,” Jiang Cheng chides Nie Huaisang. “When I came over you told me to leave, because I didn’t bring Wei Wuxian and now that I am leaving you don’t want me to. Those are some strong mixed signals right there,” Jiang Cheng says, tries for easy and light, but the thought that Nie Huaisang had almost sent him away when he noticed that Wei Wuxian wasn’t with him still stings.

Jiang Cheng has noticed it in the past too, always tried not to pay too much attention to it, but it almost seemed like Nie Huaisang didn’t like spending time with just Jiang Cheng. At least at first. He always warmed up to Jiang Cheng over the course of their meeting but that initial disappointment is always there.

And it always stings.

Jiang Cheng tries to push those thoughts away, because right now Nie Huaisang doesn’t seem like he’s missing Wei Wuxian at all, and that has to count for something, right?

“Don’t leave,” Nie Huaisang mutters, still more a whine than anything else, and Jiang Cheng fondly shakes his head as he gathers his things.

“A-jie is gonna be disappointed if I’m late. You know that look she gives you if she’s disappointed,” Jiang Cheng says, still pleasantly sleepy, and Nie Huaisang nods his head.

“It’s the worst. She must have copied that one from da-ge, because they are the worst.”

“And you wouldn’t want to subject me to that, would you?” Jiang Cheng asks and he fondly watches as Nie Huaisang crosses his arms in front of his chest and pouts up at Jiang Cheng.

“No,” he petulantly says, and Jiang Cheng smiles softly at him.

“See,” he whispers and then—for reasons Jiang Cheng will never be able to understand—he leans down and lightly kisses Nie Huaisang. “See you tomorrow,” he says, forces himself to act as if nothing happened, and turns around to leave.

He goes through the motions, opens doors, closes the same doors behind him and goes down the stairs, but his mind is reeling.

When Jiang Cheng steps outside, he realizes that it’s raining and he finds it most fitting. He can try to drown himself in this rain, because he can never look at Nie Huaisang ever again.

Jiang Cheng just ruined the best friendship he has, and he doesn’t even have anyone to blame but himself.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng furiously mutters and tilts his head up, into the rain, because maybe, just maybe, he’ll get lucky.

When nothing happens, he finally forces himself to move, to walk away from Nie Huaisang and his monumentally huge mistake.

Jiang Cheng might as well wrap himself up in chains and throw himself into the next river; it would certainly be better than ever having to face Nie Huaisang again, that Jiang Cheng knows.

He thought he had himself better under control; he vowed to never let his stupid, unreciprocated feelings come in the way of their friendship and then he went and did that. Jiang Cheng knows that he can never apologize for it, can never make up for it, and the thought of not being able to spend time with Nie Huaisang anymore like they did today cuts him deep.

It’s just—Jiang Cheng is so comfortable around Nie Huaisang; he would never sleep with his head in someone else’s lap and he would never allow anyone else to touch him like Nie Huaisang does and now it’s all gone.

Because he ruined it.

“Fuck,” Jiang Cheng says again and he closes his eyes against the sting of tears.

He wonders if he can apologize for this; if they can move past this and pretend like it never happened, but Jiang Cheng knows the chances of that are slim to none.

Gods, Nie Mingjue is going to kill him when he finds out that Jiang Cheng kissed Nie Huaisang without his consent.

Jiang Cheng is in the process of imagining his very violent death at the hands of Nie Mingjue when his phone starts ringing.

He jerks in surprise, and almost drops it to the ground when he fumbles it out of his pocket, and when he sees who the caller is he has half a mind just smashing it down on purpose.

Nie Huaisang his phone says and Jiang Cheng wistfully thinks back to the chains and the river he thought about earlier. It’s time to do that now.

But again, his body betrays him when his thumb swipes to accept the call.

Jiang Cheng can’t bring himself to say anything to Nie Huaisang—doesn’t even know where to start, and even the apology is stuck inside his throat—but Nie Huaisang doesn’t seem to have that same problem.

“You stop right there,” he snaps and he’s using his da-ge voice.

Jiang Cheng still curses the day when Nie Huaisang picked up on that particular inflection, because even though he is not even half as imposing as Nie Mingjue, the voice has much the same effect on Jiang Cheng, mainly freezing him in whatever he is doing.

“Don’t move, Jiang Cheng, do you hear me?” Nie Huaisang demands to know and Jiang Cheng is so damn helpless against this tone of voice that he presses out an affirmative.

As soon as he agrees, Nie Huaisang hangs up, and Jiang Cheng is left staring at his now dark phone.

He wonders what that was all about.

It’s still raining, and to be honest, Jiang Cheng wouldn’t put it past Nie Huaisang to simply let him stand out here, until he catches a cold and dies.

Jiang Cheng thinks it would be what he deserves after what he did, anyway.

Jiang Cheng occupies himself with thinking about how his siblings are going to bicker over who gets to inherit what out of Jiang Cheng’s possession—and it’s a more entertaining thought than he imagined it to be, mostly because Jiang Yanli is just as bad as Wei Wuxian in his mind—but he startles out of his thoughts when someone crashes into his back.

“You idiot,” Nie Huaisang says as he slings his arms around Jiang Cheng’s middle and presses his face between his shoulder blades.

“Huaisang?” Jiang Cheng unsurely asks, lightly putting his hand on the ones desperately holding on to him.

He’s ready to let go of Nie Huaisang at a moment’s notice, if he should so much as stiffen with the contact, but when nothing happens, Jiang Cheng slightly relaxes.

“I’m sorry,” Jiang Cheng whispers when Nie Huaisang stays silent for too long and Jiang Cheng feels how Nie Huaisang shakes his head.

“No. No, you don’t get to do that,” Nie Huaisang decides and Jiang Cheng’s heart falls.

“I know,” Jiang Cheng mutters and tilts his head up, allowing the rain to hit him directly in the face again. “I know, I know I can never make up for it, Huaisang, but I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I never meant to do that,” Jiang Cheng admits, because he always knew that Nie Huaisang doesn’t feel the same for him.

And Jiang Cheng never wanted to force himself on Nie Huaisang like this.

“Shut up,” Nie Huaisang hisses and Jiang Cheng tenses. “Why the hell did you run?” Nie Huaisang demands to know and Jiang Cheng frowns, because he thinks it’s rather obvious.

“I kissed you against your will,” Jiang Cheng forces himself to say. “Of course I would run. I’m sorry.”

“Stop staying that!” Nie Huaisang yells into Jiang Cheng’s back and then takes several deep breaths. “It wasn’t against my will, so would you please just stop with this bullshit,” Nie Huaisang finally says and it only confuses Jiang Cheng further.

“It—what?”

“It wasn’t against my will,” Nie Huaisang repeats, a lot quieter this time, and he squeezes Jiang Cheng. “I’m in love with you.”

“No, you’re not,” Jiang Cheng says with a small, sad smile and pats Nie Huaisang’s hands. “But it’s okay.”

“Would you shut up with this bullshit?” Nie Huaisang bites out and Jiang Cheng has never known him to swear so much. “I’m in love with you, and you don’t get to tell me how I feel!”

“But—you always want Wei Wuxian to be with us,” Jiang Cheng haltingly says, because it doesn’t make sense. “You don’t want to spend time with me alone.”

Which Jiang Cheng gets, who would want that anyway, but Nie Huaisang is shaking his head again.

“I want Wei Wuxian there as a chaperone,” he admits. “Do you know how often I almost did something stupid like kiss you, and how it was only Wei Wuxian who stopped me?”

“Why would you need someone to stop you?” Jiang Cheng asks because it still doesn’t make any more sense and by now his head is spinning with the confusion.

Wei Wuxian has informed him several times just how obvious Jiang Cheng is with his crush on Nie Huaisang, after all.

“Because I thought you didn’t feel the same,” Nie Huaisang admits and Jiang Cheng shakes his head.

He breaks Nie Huaisang’s hold on him, but when Nie Huaisang makes an unhappy noise in the back of his throat, Jiang Cheng is quick to turn around to him.

“Wei Wuxian said I was obvious,” he tells Nie Huaisang who shakes his head.

“He said I was obvious, too,” Nie Huaisang tells him and Jiang Cheng allows himself to smile, just a little bit.

“Not to me,” Jiang Cheng admits and then he allows himself to believe this.

“I’m in love with you,” he tells Nie Huaisang, and Jiang Cheng watches as his eyes go wide and how the most beautiful smile takes over his face.

“I’m in love with you, too, so would you please kiss me again, so I can reciprocate this time?” Nie Huaisang asks, but he’s already leaning up, and it’s so easy to meet him in the kiss.

It’s better than before, so much better, because Jiang Cheng can enjoy this, doesn’t have to panic about ruining a good thing, and if he’s being honest, it feels like they have done this a thousand times, he just feels that comfortable with Nie Huaisang.

“Now would you please come back, so we can continue to cuddle on the couch?” Nie Huaisang asks once they part, and Jiang Cheng remembers with a start why he left in the first place.

“Fuck, I can’t, it’s siblings dinner tonight,” he tells Nie Huaisang who smiles cheekily at him.

“I have it on good authority that spending time with a newly acquired boyfriend is one of the very few cards that get you out of dinner,” he tells Jiang Cheng who narrows his eyes at him.

“You already told Yanli and Wei Wuxian?”

“Of course I did,” Nie Huaisang tells him with a huge smile and then fishes Jiang Cheng’s phone out of his pocket. “Check for yourself.”

Jiang Cheng does just that; he has two unread messages, and both tell him that he is excused this one time and to spend some quality time with Nie Huaisang.

“Fine,” Jiang Cheng says as if that is the worst thing that could ever happen to him. “But I need to change.”

“You need to shower,” Nie Huaisang corrects him. “And then you’re going to put on some comfy clothes from da-ge before you will put your head into my lap again so I can finally relax,” Nie Huaisang determinedly says and Jiang Cheng has to admit that it sounds tempting.

And he’s just in the mood to give in.

“Okay,” he agrees and presses a kiss to Nie Huaisang’s hand, before he laces their fingers together. “Deal.”

Nie Huaisang beams at him, and then drags him back home.

They spend the evening just like Nie Huaisang had said, except that there are a lot more kisses than either of them imagined.

It’s nothing to complain about, though.

Link to my ko-fi on the sidebar!

[unfriendlyamazon]

pacific rim (kaijou) - chase the rabbit

very telling of me that the scenes i have fully written out are 1) kaijou hitting each other with sticks, 2) seto kaiba’s worst memory, and 3) kaijou’s first kiss

characters Joey Wheeler/Seto Kaiba

ratings T

warnings Allusions To Childhood Abuse, Parental Death, And Electrocution, Mass Destruction Of Major City, Alien Blood

All Joey and Seto have to do is waltz through each other’s memories so they can mind meld in order to properly pilot a giant dragon-shaped robot. Nothing to worry about there.

The Ultimate Dragon stood in her dock, a beast of white metal that reflected blue with the bright energy that burned in her chest. Her legs were bent forward, like an animal’s, and a long tail balanced it, ending in a spike that curved on the floor of the Shatterdome. Three separate blue domes made her eyes. Her arched reptilian head sneered down at the personnel on the floor hundreds of feet below it. Joey stood on the Conn-Pod of Ultimate Dragon and peered down with her. He could just make out the faces in the control room. The techs were bent low in their work as the scientists bickered with each other. The stone faced General Kaiba stared up. Joey stuck his tongue out at him, knowing he couldn’t see.

“Are you always a child?” the other Kaiba drawled, and Joey jumped back.

“Someone has to be the fun one around around here,” he snapped back and walked to his position in the pilot’s seat. Two spinal clamps awaited them. The drivesuit was heavy and black, and he sucked in a breath as he got into position. “You nervous?”

“No,” Kaiba said. His blue eyes watched him, the helmet held in his hand. It was both their first time in a Jaeger, but Kaiba had built the damn thing. His solid stance didn’t betray any uncertainty. “You’re taking the right side.”

Joey shrugged. “You wanna fight about it?”

He only shook his head and pulled the helmet on. Joey followed suit. Beyond the domed eyes of the Dragon, the techs initialized testing mode. Heavy blue lights washed out the dark cockpit, and the yellow lights of their helmets lined their faces. The clamp initialized, and Joey sucked in a breath. He glanced at Kaiba, who offered him his usual scowl.

“Don’t chase the rabbit,” Kaiba said.

Joey blinked. “What?”

“Random Access Brain Impulse Triggers,” he repeated,  and Joey bristled at his tone. “Sticking to a memory is dangerous. It pulls us out of sync. Stay in the drift.”

Joey hissed through his teeth. He wanted to say he knew, thank you, he’d done his training, but the truth was, as the sickly yellow relay gel filled his visor, he appreciated the sound of another human voice. Vision blocked, he sucked in a breath as though he was drowning. The suit was contained, only the sound of his breath, and the metallic slide of the clamp locking into place. Anxiety jangled his nerves, and he forced himself to breath in, and out. Relax, he told himself. You’re just letting Kaiba waltz through your memories so the two of you can mind meld in order to properly pilot a giant dragon-shaped robot. Nothing to worry about there.

“Neural handshake initialized,” the computer said, and it was the only warning they had before they were pulled into the drift.

There aren’t words to describe the drift. Pilots tried. Scientists could only explain. None of it prepared Joey for the feeling of his head opening up. Memories poured in like a river, too fast to cling, like flashes from a movie but more. Him at the Wall with Yugi offering him a position in the program, the too clean smell of the hospital bedroom with the drip of the IV, Serenity’s face wet from crying as she got further and further away, electricity against his skin and the sharp smell of skin burning with the laughs of the other boys in his ear, interlaced with things he didn’t recognize. Kaiba with a neural spike in his hand as he stooped across a desk, exhaustion hitting like a truck, the strike of a hand against his face and the white hot anger that flared inside him, the feel of a deck of cards beneath his fingertips as his brother laughed, holding his hand as their world ended.

The drift carried through, and Joey felt bigger than himself. When he opened his eyes, he could see the holo display, the Shatterdome curled around them like a shell, and the life signatures of the humans beneath staring up at them. He was aware, as he lifted his hands, that Kaiba was doing the same, rolling the clawed fingers of the Dragon as they did their own hands. The core of the Dragon set the metronome of their heartbeat. They raised their hands together, and outside the Dragon did the same. Relief burst in his chest, and he wasn’t sure if it was his or Kaiba’s, but it didn’t matter. They were doing it. They were piloting the Jaeger.

The memory stream continued but it was little more than white noise. Joey’s muscles tightened with the desire to take this baby for a joy ride. He wanted to see everything it could do. The excitement was doubled with his partner. Once initial testing was finished, they’d get their chance at the first Kaiju they saw. They’d let Ultimate Dragon go wild. Joey grinned at the thought and knew it was mimicked across Kaiba’s face. He wanted to get wild.

“Commencing first test,” the computer said, and beneath that was another voice. Small and weak, like a child crying. It took Joey a second to recognize it, but Kaiba’s body froze. It locked his own limbs, and he had to push against it. The computer was still talking, but it faded lower and lower beneath the sobbing Japanese voice. Joey turned his head, and he could see Kaiba standing there, eyes up to the sky, as the crying grew louder and louder. He looked up too and--

He was in Tokyo, with its uneven buildings rising and falling spreading neon light across the cold empty street a siren wailing through the thick air and ash falling like snow against the ground. The air burned and the world was empty everyone was in the shelters below everyone who as going to make it which left him alone with his little brother curled in his arms crying and crying their parents were gone lost amid the rubble and the ruin and it was all he could do to hold his brother tight like his tiny body could protect him like he could do anything at all against the rumble of something heavy that shook the glass from the buildings and cracked the concrete beneath its feet leave concave holes and destruction behind it its gold body reflected off the tall buildings and it turned to look at the children in its path its frill fanned out like a cobra’s head streaked with purple and its mouth lipless with tall sharp teeth that stretched in an ugly smile and gold spikes rose off it like armor as its heavy claws dragged against the ground it was coming for them it was tracking them like an animal like a shark smelling blood in the water and he buried his head and held his brother and heard the terrible howl of the great beast.

The comms in the Dragon were screaming from the control room the panicked calls of the Shatterdome techs trying to reign them back in, but they were little more than a dull ache in the back of Joey’s head. His eyes were ahead as he found himself in the ruined streets of Tokyo on the day Exodia had crossed the breach. In front of him were two children. They huddled close together, too close to really see them, but he already knew who they were.

“H-hey.” His voice was distant, but he started forward and shouted again, “Hey! Kaiba!”

The children didn’t move. In front of them, the Kaiju stood tall and imposing, leaning down to inspect the two mice caught in its path. The city was eerie and quiet, only the great huffing of the beast and the quiet gasps of the children. If they moved, the creature would crush them. If they didn’t, they’d be crushed anyway. Their fear quaked inside Joey as he crouched down beside them.

“You’re in a nightmare,” he said. Baby Kaiba only squeezed his brother tighter. “It’s not real. You lived through this already, you--”

The air shuddered and boomed, and both Joey and Kaiba looked up as a blast struck the Kaiju in the head. Blue blood splattered across the buildings, and the Kaiju staggered, before another missile strike downed it entirely. It fell to its heavy knees, groaning loudly as it landed against the ground. Wind brushed against their faces as the thud shook the empty streets, raining glass and debris to the floor. The two brothers stared up as the Jaeger marched forward. At the sight of the horned head of Necross, Kaiba rose slowly to his feet, and Joey did the same. The Jaeger was safety and retribution, coming to pluck two orphaned children off the street, to bring them up and give them tools to fight the monsters that scared them. It was supposed to save them.

“System shutting down,” the computer voice bled through the memory and tore it like tissue paper. As soon as the spinal link snapped free, Joey staggered forward. He tore his helmet off and stared at Kaiba, who looked like he was waking up from a dream. His chest heaved as he stared down at his own hands. Trickling into Joey’s mind was the shame, the bitter taste of failure, stupid and worthless and wasting his one chance--

“Kaiba,” Joey said, and it felt strange to have his own voice inside his head again. “You’re okay.”

Kaiba’s gaze whipped to him, wide eyed, and tears running down his cheeks. Instinctually, Joey reached a hand to him. Kaiba turned away.

“You did fine,” Joey said again. “It was our first time. Now we know better.”

“I don’t need your sympathy, Wheeler,” Kaiba snapped. A tremor made it through. “I don’t want it.”

Joey held in a breath and let his hands drop to his side. The fading emotions hadn’t gone completely. When he thought of Gozaburo in the control room below, a residual spike of anger drove its way into Joey’s skull. But he swallowed it down.

“You’re such an asshole, Kaiba,” Joey said.

“And you’re even more a delinquent than I could’ve possibly guessed,” he replied.

Equilibrium restored.

[agendratum]

OK so, i wanted to put my two cents in on these two topics:

1. the statement i once saw, made by someone, who, i’m not sure, was reading the same novel as i am. it went somewhere along these lines: “the novel implies that in his first life wei wuxian wasn’t interested in lan wangji or even in men at all”

2. the general idea that wei wuxian (specifically novel!wwx, i mean, obv all of this is just about novel!wwx or novel!lwj) is oblivious dummy, who can’t see what’s happening in front of his own nose, doesn’t understand not only lwj’s feelings towards him, but also not even self-aware enough to understand his own 

(idk if it was obvious from my previous posts on this website, but i’m a wei wuxian apologist so you should probably know that before i proceed)

i’m gonna quote the paragraph that prompted me to think about all this, it’s worded a bit differently in russian, but the point still stands:

Although in the past few days, he felt that Lan WangJi probably regarded him highly and differently from other people, he’d never dared to guess just how ‘highly’ it was or if ‘differently’ was the kind that he thought. Wei WuXian never thought of being confident as bad, and in fact prided himself on such a thought. Legends often gossiped about the YiLing Patriarch’s allegedly amorous life, but in reality, he’d never experienced such hectic feelings before. He used to think that Lan WangJi was too easy of a person to understand, but things were different now. He feared that he was the only one who thought of them that way, that it was all his own wishful thinking, that he was too confident for his own good.

lets start with the first statement and go waay back in time. first of all, the idea that wei wuxian wasn’t interested in lan wangji is kinda ridiculous to me, as this boy spent the entire time he was in gusu summer camp trying to get lan wangji’s attention, annoy him into friendship with him, he gifted him rabbits goddamnit. he had a whole fanclub of boys going on in gusu summer camp, he had girls in the nearby town swoon by him, and yet he focused his attention on lan wangji, but clearly he wasn’t interested, right. 

and then during sunshot they kept arguing and having bad experiences with each other, and yet wei wuxian couldn’t stop himself from being drawn to lan wangji, initiating conversation, that situation with the headband, that time he invited him to the inn. considering that every one of their encounters would end pretty badly, there was no reason for him to try again and again to build that friendship that he told himself wasn’t even possible. and yet he kept trying, and then in yiling he invited lan wangji to have a dinner with him, but of course he wasn’t interested. 

second of all, and it kinda bothers me a lot, actually, he wasn’t interested in men in his first life? yeah no shit. for starters, how old was he? 15? 17? you know, not all of us came to terms with our sexuality when we were digging up shit in a sandbox. it can happen later. it can happen much later. but what caught my attention in that paragraph i quoted above “but in reality, he’d never experienced such hectic feelings before.” was wei wuxian not interested in men in his first life? sure! according to the novel, he also wasn’t much interested in women! was it ever a consideration, that perhaps, for a teenager going through war and also shitload of other terrible events, romantic endeavors might have not been a priority? sure, he had an image, he had a reputation of a shameless dumbass to protect, but do we not know it was a pretence? it’s almost like characters like nie huaisang don’t exist. 

but also specifically for a teenager who was already experiencing his first crush, that he didn’t acknowledge much, because, once again, he had a lot of other shit to worry about

this brings me not very smoothly to the second statement. and i wanna start by giving some more credit to wei wuxian (who isn’t as dumb as he sometimes seems) and take some credit from lan wangji (who is a bit dumber than i thought he is), which brings them to the same level of idiots in love. 

wei wuxian doesn’t understand what lan wangji is feeling towards him. yeah. to be fair, adult lan wangji did a lot of things, some of which were more obvious than the others. but lan wangji wasn’t always like that. if i recall correctly, he spent almost the entirety of gusu summer camp rejecting wwx’s attempts in friendship, being an asshole and just plain rude (yes, wwx also was rude, but still) (yes, on the inside lan wangji was panicking in gay, but on the outside he was Just Rude, and WE know that, wei wuxian doesn’t). in the cave? lan wangji is overwhelmed and once again kinda rude to wwx, and he bites him, and again, WE know that lwj is probably going through a lot, wei wuxian knows less. moreover, later in the novel there is some more context given to why wei wuxian reacted like that to being bitten by lan wangji, our guy is straight up scared of being bitten, because he associates biting with dogs. they both were having kinda a shit time in that cave and i can’t blame them. during sunshot lan wangji was constantly arguing with wei wuxian and pretty openly dissaproving of his ways that he didn’t understand for obvious reasons. none of this says “i’m your friend and also i’m in love with you and i’m not actually trying to control you or reject you, i just don’t know what else to do”

and every time lan wangji would master his bravery to do something that would make his feelings more obvious, he would do it while wei wuxian couldn’t possible know that lan wangji was doing it. (e.g. singing wangixan to him in the cave while wei wuxian is out of it because of the fever, kissing him while he’s blindfolded). and the last chance in wwx’s first life that lwj got to confess his feelings, wei wuxian was simply not in the state to remember it or even process what was happening at all. 

coming back to his second life, wei wuxian actually becomes aware of his own feelings. not immediately, but dude was just dead like a few days ago, give him some time. and it’s not that he doesn’t notice that adult lan wangji now treats him differently, and certainly not how he treats anyone else, wei wuxian is straight up just afraid, without a direct conformation, that he’s still misunderstanding something. and taking in consideration all that i said previously, i can’t blame him. if any of these two could actually use their words, and ask questions they wanted to ask, this whole mess could have been avoided. but lan wangji can’t be direct (he doesn’t want to impose), and wei wuxian can’t trust indirect hints (he puts lan wangji way above himself and doesn’t believe hanguang-jun could get down to “his level”). 

and so they operate on this perfectly dysfunctional system of “i’ll just carry on with my own agenda, hoping for nothing in return” and also:

wwx: i’ll get him drunk (if he wants to get drunk) to just ask a few questions that i can’t ask while he’s sober

lwj: i’ll get drunk to be a little bit more free around wei ying, as i can’t be like that while i’m sober and i won’t remember it anyway

and, surprise, it doesn’t help their understanding of each other’s feelings. it doesn’t mean that wei wuxian is that oblivious, it just mean that things can’t work out like that, you need to TALK sometimes. (i didn’t get there yet, but thank god for lan xichen). in fact, that terrible system of communication makes things worse and i’m pretty sure the novel is being very clear that it wants you too to understand that it makes things worse.

their terrible inability to communicate properly results into that chapter that i just read. they operate in the previously learned patterns: wei wuxian buys alcohol, cause he wants to ask lan wangji this important question, lan wangji gets drunk, cause he doesn’t want to be present in this reality (relatable) (drinking to forget is bad, kids), and shit goes down. 

wei wuxian doesn’t want to take advantage of drunk lan wangji, but then he gets carried way, and drunk lan wangji gets carried away and things happen. and by the end of it, both sober, they BOTH think that they forced the other one to do something he didn’t want to do and they both feel terrible about that. (once again, i’m pretty sure that the novel is very clear about how it’s actually bad to have sex with someone blackout drunk) so wei wuxian ends up thinking that he took advantage oh lan wangji who wasn’t in control of himself, lan wangji thinks that he lost control of himself and took advantage of wei wuxian who didn’t protest out of gratitude to lan wangji (his worst fear, btw). 

i got slightly carried away from my original topic, but it just pisses me off that someone looks at this and really thinks that the novel is glorifying this behaviour or whatever. it’s terrible, they both feel terrible, the novel is yelling at them to talk instead of getting drunk and fucking. 

so yeah, wei wuxian isn’t that oblivious. but that situation doesn’t clear anything out, actually, because by the end of the day lan wangji sobers up, and wei wuxian sees his reaction to what happened, which was not a good reaction, and how is he supposed to understand lan wangji’s thought process correctly if he never says anything?  so wei wuxian ends up thinking that yeah, he gave in to his own wishful thinking, and terribly terribly fucked up (i mean, he did fuck up, but not as much as he thinks). 

idk how to end this so i just hope my point came across as i intended it and i’m just glad it’s all out

[lesserfandomappreciation]

This is probably a tall order, but I was wondering if you could do some general personality headcanons for the Deadly Six from Sonic Lost World? It hurts my heart that the characters weren't more popular, but I can understand why at the same time since they're not that fleshed out. I mean, there's hints of stuff here and there, it's just not much. But the zeti have potential, damn it! Let me know if you want some specifics on things, of if you wanna do this in pieces. Thanks for your time~

WORLD BUILDING! World building and character building is my ham so I’m thrilled to do this! This actually become significantly longer than intended. 

So I have never played this game, so I’m basing this exclusively off a few cutscenes I managed to find and general initial impressions. Let me know if you want something more in-depth!

Deadly Six reimagined (Sonic Lost World)

General

The Zeti race as a whole is referred to as “demons” with the Deadly 6 appearing to be the deadliest of their species. Heavily implied in the game is the fact that the Zeti are a lethal, violent race taking pride in practiced malevolence. 

An entire race being evil or amoral is not only an outdated trope, but one with really icky origins so knackers to that I’m throwing in some of my own world building. 

Based on how the Deadly 6 are all either disciples of or literally Master Zik, the reimagined!Zeti race is less malevolent so much as focused on attainment of glory and recognition. Every person is expected to discipline themselves into a strong, powerful being capable of great achievements. Competition is rampant with rivalry being imposed from a young age. 

Despite rivalry, those who study under a common Master consider themselves as a structured force or clan representing their Master and his/her/their ideology. Master Zik in particular holds the ideology of complete domination of foes and enforcing the strength that already exists. Those who come across his clan often get the impression the Zeti exist to conquer when really, it is only in response to what is done to them to remind people not to mess with them. 

Zeti are driven by the goals of communal recognition; challenges make individuals stronger, thus reinforcing the people as a whole. Spar-matches and challenges are inherent in the society. Clans and individuals alike compete to bring glory. 

But. There is an unspoken rule amongst the Zeti that keeps things from ever turning to a full blood bath. Zeti do not turn against their own Clan or family (both if they are one in the same as is the case with many). The idea of any Zeti attacking a sibling in learning or a relative is unheard of - any who did that are considered dishonorable and risk expulsion as a whole from society. 

Master Zik

Utter the name “Zik” in any Zeti plaza. Previous foes will wilt in cowardice. Pride from their allies puffs up further. The average Zeti, neither friend nor foe, will still be able to share a tale or two of one of the greatest warriors to have ever trained. 

In a society focused on discipline and achieving greatness, Zik went above expectations. Bars he set have but rarely been neared. Until Zavok, most were largely considered impossible to meet. 

Zik is a unique Zeti. Warriors do set Clans up to welcome new students and carry on their name, but Zik is not an easy master. His ideology of domination is standard but his ideas of strength are incredibly unique in a world where weakness is to be quelled and trained away. Zik believes that the inherent strength within an individual should be harnessed instead of ignored. Any skill can be made combative if one knows how to master it completely. 

In all his years Zik took on only a handful of students, with only 5 ever making it into his inner circle and being official members of his Clan. He is not an easy teacher. 

Obstacles are nothing to this little Zeti. He has faced a lifetime of challenges due to his small stature and his unique powers. Strategy, cunning and an overwhelming drive to be strong allowed him to rise above the ranks. Any challenge he faces he knows has a solution - it is a difficult task to actually perturb him to the point of nerves. 

It’s specifically because of his lifetime of difficulties that he taught all his students to eradicate their foes so thoroughly. Too many times his mercy let to more foes than needed. Crush a foe and all they hold dear, and no one will ever come to avenge their broken ashes. 

Zik views himself as a father figure turned advisor to the group. In his heart of hearts, they are his pride and joy. He could not leave them. Bedridden and frail he’s still drag his way alongside them to keep these youngsters of his on the right path. 

Zomom (First Disciple)

Zomom is the eldest of Master Zik’s student, being the first welcomed into Zik’s inner circle. This is a matter of great pride for him and makes him very protective of the others as a result. Zavok holds the title of leader but it is no secret that the eldest of the students holds his fellow disciples close to his heart much how an older brother might view his siblings. 

Zomom knows a lot about the other members of the team. They feel comfortable around him one-on-one, often using him as a quiet listener to talk through their thoughts. 

Zomom is a strange Zeti. By height and strength he should have been a popular choice amongst his people. Yet his lack of common sense and social norms made it difficult to fit into society’s definition of a good warrior. The perceived lack of discipline in terms of food also earned him backlash from others. Emotional manipulation is an effective way of ensuring they didn’t have to fight the giant warrior physically. 

It was his sincerity, his genuine sense of being and wanting to learn, that made Master Zik bring him in as a student, then disciple. Zomom is genuine, true person who could not tell a life to save his life but still tries so hard to survive in a world where lying is viewed as not just acceptable but required in some social circles. Zik saw his food abilities and build, before tailoring his training to include more food intake and improve speed. 

Most affable of the Deadly 6, Zomom may be the butt of the joke at some times but they would all be furious should any harm befall him. Zomom’s willingness to shrug off insults does not sit well with any of them and they will gladly take the place of his vengeful fury to ensure it does not happen again. 

Seeing one or two of the Deadly 6 relaxing with Zomom when they are burned out or want to slow down is common. 

Zazz (The Second Disciple)

This is a case of a master forcibly adopting a feral child than a student asking a master to teach them. Zomom who was there the day Zazz was brought in to be taught is the only one besides Zik who knows why the Master took such a shining to Zazz, though the most he ever says on the matter is “It was like looking at a silly mirror.”

Zazz is almost the perfect Zeti. Intensely strong, with an immense battle-hunger. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more terrifying opponent. The issue lies with that same battle hunger that would make them popular in other circumstances. The whole point of the Zeti’s competitiveness is that it is, somehow, disciplined and the result of self-control/personal growth. Zazz’s entire motivation can be summed up as “because I want to.”

Zazz is very much a wild child turned wild adult with a lot of energy to burn. The ideas of the Zeti bore them a lot - why should they spend time proving himself when everyone’s so much weaker than them? They’d rather be seeking out good opponents or filling theirs time doing things that feed his ever-flickering attention. 

Despite their very intense personality, Zazz is fiercely protective of the clan. They’re the only ones to really indulge Zazz’s wide range of interests and teach them a few of their own. One day they may be with Zeena learning new techniques to make their appearance fiercer, the next they’re in the shadows with Zor learning a shadow technique that will absolutely scare the shit out of Master Zik, this time for sure!

Picks up skills like a dog gets fleas. They’re not a master at any of them but the way they’re able to combine them makes them a fearsome opponent, a lethal prankster and find something to connect over with anyone. 

Zeena (The Third Disciple)

Female-identifying Zeti are held to the same standard as any other Zeti so her presence in the Clan isn’t entirely unexpected. However, many Zeti tend to prefer Clans of their own gender out of comfort or outright preference.

Youngster Zeena, known for her cold intensity, had her pick of the litter in terms of Masters - her tethering abilities made her a powerful long-distance opponent, and her technology skills make her a verifiable weapon powerhouse. Her choice to go for Master Zik was a surprise, but Zik accepted her. 

In truth, she went for Master Zik because she didn’t want to just be a long-distance specialist. She wanted a Master who could hone her abilities to be used in more creative ways. Zomom and Zazz’s successes got her attention.  

With Zik she learned to use her tethering abilities to completely control the field. Able to move quickly, redirect her opponents and load the battle field with her varied arsenal, facing off against Zeena is incredibly difficult. 

Always looking to perfect her abilities as the “Perfect Zeti Fighter” Zeena spends a lot of time perfecting her body to make it superior to other Zeti. Outside of that in her lab she’s developing new weapons with distinct abilities to use in combat. Bouncy bombs, whips with unique charges - she’s offered to create some for the rest of the team, but they’ve only accepted limited help. 

Zeena views herself as the pinnacle of Zeti power, with the ability to do more. She holds the rest of the Deadly 6 to the same standard and is not above offering weapons advice or ways to improve their appearance to terrify their enemies into a stupor. 

Zor (The Fourth Disciple)

Zor was not expected to succeed. There are many ways to be considered a successful Zeti - strength, speed, smarts. Lurking in the shadows is not traditionally viewed as particularly impressive. Zor’s inclination to the shadows made him unpopular in the society.

In turn, this made Zor dislike society as a whole and develop a severe nihilistic attitude that continues to plague him to this day. Why should he trust a system that failed him so badly anyway? It is ultimately pointless. 

Zor didn’t so much as join the Clan as he was chased into the clan. Lurking in his shadows he didn’t know of the tall Zeti whose attention has zeroed in on the very interestingly-moving shadow until Zazz had already begun to give chase. Master Zik hadn’t a clue what to make of the huffy Zeti his Second Disciple had under his arm, but if Zazz saw talent in this one, it was worth exploring. 

Zor’s abilities as a spymaster make him a vital part of the group. His abilities contribute to that but it is his powers of observation and deduction that really lend themselves to this role. Having been a spectator to his society for most of his life, he has developed powerful strategies to collect information at a mass scale - needless to say, trying to keep a secret from him is difficult. 

The main introvert of the group, Zor struggles to be with them all at once. While he likes each one of them just fine (good luck getting him to say that) their overall energy can be overwhelming. He prefers to be with one-three people at a time to preserve his social energy.

Zavok (The Final Disciple)

Societies have ideal standards people strive towards. Often impossible to achieve, they’re viewed more as a lifetime goal than a realistic achievement. Those who do manage to hit it are considered to be above others as they command respect. Amongst the Zeti, that impossible person is Zavok. 

Zavok himself comes from an impressive lineage - all the Zeti before him have been great warriors, commanders, people filling leadership roles. Each generation of greatness placed more expectations upon the next and as an only child, Zavok had no one to share these burdens with. He exceled at them, but it was not the glory he sought. He wanted to great his own reputation free of his past. 

The announcement of Zavok’s self-imposed expulsion from his lineage shook Zeti society to its core. His subsequent request to become Zik’s pupil further shook everyone, but Master Zik did have a penchant for collecting odd students. What was one more lost warrior seeking purpose?

Zavok evolved far beyond anyone could have guessed under Master Zik’s tutelage. Part of this was due to his own upbringing, but it truly was Zavok’s own determination and fast mind that let him adapt to Zik’s unusual forms of training. He wanted to become indomitable and he would do whatever it took to do so.... 

...But, he wasn’t quite perfect.  Zavok is a brilliant minded individual, but upon reaching the inner circle, he realized that he was incredibly unused to working in a group. It took a great deal of time, self-reflection and humbling for him to become the leader he is to do, due in part to his own hang-ups he thought he had left behind with his family. 

With time, he grows to respect each team member and view them as close family. Upon Zik’s retirement and Zavok’s ascension to the head of the Clan, Zavok was the undisputed respected and admired leader of the Clan, holding each of them in high regard and daring anyone to try and take what they had built. 

[nobodyfamousposts]

Twilight Spite: When the Tables Turn

Well, since Midnight Sun is coming out later this year, I figured I’d dust this off and share a “what if”.

__________________________

Nobody quite knew what to say to Leah’s announcement.

“Bull.”

Well, almost nobody.

“Sam.” Billy Black called, a warning in his tone.

But the alpha didn’t seem to hear him, remaining resolute as he glared at Leah. “There’s no way that it’s true.”

“Well, it is.” Leah replied with a smile that totally wasn’t a smirk as she watched his growing outrage. It said something when not even the touch of his precious imprint could calm him. Leah could practically see the fur starting to form on his skin as he barely held back his transformation.

“You’re making it up. She has to be making it up.” He insisted, turning from Leah to the rest of the Council, his words taking on an almost pleading lilt as he looked to them for support.

But the Council members seemed hesitant. Uncertain, even. Because…well…it could very well be true.

“I assure you, I was just as surprised as you when it happened.” Leah proclaimed sincerely. Because, well, she had been surprised.

___________________________

“Hello, Leah! We come in peace! And with a special offer just for you!”

It all started with an appearance by an overly cheerful vampire bearing an offer she couldn’t refuse.

Well, that wasn’t quite true. Everything really started with her boyfriend disappearing, then coming back only to break her heart and dump her for her cousin she just met, and said cousin deciding it was totally cool to break her heart further by getting with him regardless. The whole reservation cheering them on certainly hadn’t helped. Nor had turning into a wolf and having to have their “happy relationship” shoved in her face AND her head. Nor her father’s death, which seemed to be her fault for reasons she hadn’t known of and couldn’t control, and no one would so much as give her time off to grieve for. Being used simultaneously as a scapegoat and wank material for a group of teenage boys was just the fucking cherry on top.

So yeah, the unexpected visit from the leech wasn’t technically where it all started.

Just where it finally started getting good.

Alice was…perky. Annoyingly so. The more time she spent in her presence, the more Leah was certain that was as much of a permanent, unchangeable aspect of her personality as her annoying and incessant need to know and control things.

Leah was apparently another thing to control. If that wasn’t a common trait shared with everyone else in her life, Leah would find herself particularly insulted and ready to attack.

As it was…well…at least Alice had an offer to make it worth her while.

Given that this offer was coming from the enemy of her tribe, the obvious answer shouldn’t have just been “no”, it should have been a clear and resounding “hell no” followed by a death gurgle. But Leah’s tribe hadn’t been the most loyal or supportive by this point, what with the cheating and disparaging comments and the constant degrading of her when she’d already suffered so much because of them. So no, Leah wasn’t feeling particularly loyal in return.

To the contrary, she was feeling particularly petty and vengeful—which they all knew and not only did nothing to help, but actually went well out of their way to encourage and nurture within her. So really, it was their own fault if she made the choice to give them the finger.

So that was why she decided to at least listen to the leech’s offer.

And oooooh, what an offer it was.

It was no secret that Leah….kind of hated her life at the moment. And could anyone blame her?

…okay, yes. They clearly did. Acting like what Sam and Emily did was HER fault, that them leaving her was deserved, and that her transformation—a traumatic experience for her, by the way and one that cost her her father’s life through no fault of her own—was something she should be happy with. So regardless of the situation and how much she never wanted it, she should just “shut up and deal”.

But could anyone who WASN’T part of the “all boys’ club”, only there for the free—if plastic-like food from Emily, or otherwise had their heads up Sam’s ass blame her?

Alice couldn’t, surprisingly enough. And maybe it was all a trick to get her guard down and have her help their enemies, but it kind of said something when the freaking soulless vampires offered more sympathy for her situation than her own family.

Yeah, thanks Mom. Thanks, Seth. THANK-FUCKING-YOU, EMILY. REALLY appreciated the support during her time of need. Always great to have your family with you...on the other side of the house, setting up dates with your father’s best friend, gushing about how “awesome” your ex is after he crushed your heart, and picking out wedding dresses to be married to your ex in not even a year after he dumped you for her. Family of the fucking year, let her tell you.

And yet she couldn’t help but love them still. How sick was that?

It was messed up. The whole situation was. She couldn’t deal with it there, not with them, not while everyone just wanted her to shut up and smile like she wasn’t being torn apart inside.

So when Alice approached her with a promise to help, Leah found herself surprisingly willing to at least hear her out. She expected to laugh at whatever she offered. She expected to tear her a new one. She even expected to go to the Council and warn them of the trick.

She…never expected she’d be agreeing to it.

“We don’t want a war.” Alice assured her, pleading. “We like Bella. And we like it here in Forks. We don’t want to fight. But the Volturri know about Bella now, and they are insistent she HAS to become a vampire to preserve the secret or else THEY will kill her, and possibly all of us.” She let out a breath, looking up at Leah in worry. “And possibly your people as well once they discover you.”

Okay, she had a valid point. But…

“Why not just go to Sam and the Council about this?” They were all about “keeping the peace” over all else—Leah was on the receiving end of THAT well enough to know. So surely they would be on board with this one sacrifice to keep everyone else safe.

“It’s the truce. We can’t come onto your land. And the wolves we’ve spoken with have been…very insistent on us not turning Bella.”

Ah, Jacob. Yeah, sounded about right. The brat had been doing nothing but moaning about Bella and her preference for dead guys who could give her immortality and a fancy life over him and his…him. Even in the same breath he shot snide comments at Leah for losing the relationship she—y’know…ACTUALLY HAD.

Not that she was resentful about the blatant bias and double-standard or anything as everyone coddled him for a relationship with a girl that was clearly never “in” to him in the first place. Not at aaaaaall…

“Why come to me with this then?” Surely they had to know that she…wasn’t exactly a pleasant person to work with right now. Even—especially with her own people, much less outsiders. And that out of everyone, she would be the least inclined to work with the monsters directly responsible for her people turning into wolves and effectively ruining every aspect of her life because of it.

YES, she was still bitter about it. And she would be for a long time. Maybe the tribe should invest in some therapy instead of a new house for the “happy couple”?

“Because you’re the best choice, Leah.”

AKA, “I used future sight and this was the result I liked.” Leah wasn’t sure she liked the idea of placing bets with someone who used visions for everything the way most people use their cell phones.

“You’re clearly not happy here, but you can’t do anything about it. We could help each other!” Alice explained, rocking on her heels. “I know you don’t like us, but you don’t want a war anymore than we do.”

There was a tense pause.

Then Leah sighed.

“Fair enough.”

Alice cheered up at that, smiling widely. “Great! So if this works, we’ll take you with us when we leave Forks in the next year. We’ll give you money and documents—anything you need to set up a new life! You could go to college! Ooo! You could go to a really fancy university and get a fashion degree and become a model and marry a rich socialite and—!”

Okay, cutting that off right now. “And in exchange?”

That got a frown—though whether it was because she cut off Alice’s gushing rant or because it reminded her of just what she was asking Leah to do, it was a bit hard to tell.

“In exchange, we need you to do just one thing…”

___________________________

“You can’t be serious, Leah.”

“Dead serious.” Leah replied, cackling madly on the inside. But on the outside, her eyes seemed to shine with a joy that anyone could be convinced was because of her claim. A claim that had half of the room sending one another glances of abject confusion, and the rest of the room as some variant of enraged and—in Emily’s case, probably secretly happy.

“It’s just…it’s not possible!” Sam insisted, sounding almost desperate.

“Neither was a female wolf, and yet here we are.” She said with a blithe shrug.

She’d been bitter and “a harpy”. Everyone knew it. Everyone held that against her, regardless of the reasons all of them knew yet none of them wanted to acknowledge were wrong. Even those that sympathized were pushing her to simply “get over it”, completely blind as to why she was acting the way she was.

It was only because she was stuck in a situation forced on her—one where she was trapped and degraded and imposed upon in every way possible, and forced to defend herself the only way she could.

But now she could fight back.

And by every single god out there, she was damn well going to use it. Even if she had to lie through her teeth. Even if she had to fake feelings she didn’t have for someone she didn’t like.

If that meant getting some sweet SWEET payback on her ex? And throwing his own actions and justification for those actions back in his perfect little face? Well…

“I imprinted on Edward Cullen.”

Watchu gonna do about it? 

[bonjour-rainycity]

The Long Way Around ~ Chapter 9

Link to previous part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/623575983503638528/the-long-way-around-chapter-8-link-to-previous

Pairing: Jasper x Reader 

Word count: 2990

Warnings: None

Y/n’s POV

On the way to the waterfall, I’d done some thinking and come to the unfortunate conclusion that my feelings for Jasper are much more than I originally realized. Previously, any and all feelings I had towards him I interpreted as those I would feel towards a best friend. But I’ve never felt like this towards my best friends before.

Once I’d come to this conclusion, my outing with Jasper became a struggle. I’d had crushes before as a human, but nothing as intense as this and nothing even close to the risk involved when your crush can literally feel your feelings. I had to work so hard to keep myself in check. Jasper didn’t do much to help. He couldn’t have picked a more romantic location, for one. Seeing him doused in water, sparkling in the moonlight and the rising sun didn’t do anything to make me reconsider his beauty. I’d taken special care not to look at his body, knowing the attraction I, and then he, would feel. I’d slipped up once or twice, and I desperately hope he didn’t notice.

And the necklace. Gosh, if he even knew how perfect it is….I’ve never owned anything like it, and the fact that he remembered all those little things from so long ago…well, it makes me feel things.

But I need to keep those feelings under control.

Yes, he’s my best friend and yes, he’s incredibly good to me, but Jasper is way out of my league. Any interest he has in me will be fleeting, especially given how he must view me. I’m wild, barely controlled, a danger to society and monsters alike. Just the differences in our eye color show how incompatible we are. Mine are red, vicious, deadly. His are golden, like melting honey or a dazzling sunset. He doesn’t suddenly become deranged at the thought of human blood. He doesn’t try to hurt the people he owes everything to the minute he smells a human. He’s not weak.

From my side, Jasper eyes me but doesn’t say anything. I swallow the venom in my mouth and try to force my bitterness down with it. As if I needed such a tangible reminder of our incongruity.

Thankfully, it’s only a few minutes before we smell the herd of deer. From the corner of my eye, I watch as he swiftly takes down a doe. He’s so graceful. My own kills are sloppy, desperate. I could never measure up.

Jasper approaches, careful not to startle me in my hunting state. “Are you okay?”

I nod, quickly trying to think of something to say that could explain my sudden moroseness. “I’m just frustrated that my eyes are still so red. I want them to be like yours—the whole family’s,” I correct quickly.

Jasper smiles knowingly. “It takes about a year for all the human blood to leave your system. Only six months to go. But I think,” he takes a step closer to me and peers into my eyes with exaggerated movements, “that I see a tiny bit of gold in them.”

My heart warms, and I do feel better, even if he’s obviously lying for my benefit. “I’m sure you do.”

He gives me a lopsided grin, and I find myself hoping to see more of those in the future.

Quickly, we wrap up our hunting and continue the journey home. About half a mile away from the house, Jasper skids to a stop, his arms flying out to grip me around the waist to cause me to stop, too.

“Something’s wrong.” His voice is calm, totally in contrast to the rod of fear that shoots through me. “It’s okay,” he assures, giving me a gentle squeeze. “Just stay by me.”

Not that I would need any encouragement. If I wasn’t so terrified, I might be able to enjoy the feeling of his hands on my waist, holding me close. But now is not the time, so I push those thoughts away. Instead, I focus on what I can hear, see, and sense around me. Nothing out of the ordinary. But I trust Jasper and his ability, so I stick close to him.

We approach the house slowly for vampires, carefully taking note of our surroundings. When we get to the back deck, Bella meets us outside, looking somber. Before we can ask, she waves us in, and we see Esme sitting in a kitchen chair, eyes screwed shut. She lets out a soft cry, signaling her pain.

“Esme,” I gasp, running to her.

She smiles stiffly, obviously not wanting anyone to worry about her. “It’s alight, it’s just a few little bites. The pain will go away soon.”

Hating seeing this kind, wonderful woman in pain but at a loss for what to do, I go to stand behind her and hug around her neck, letting my head rest on top of hers.

“What happened?” Jasper’s voice is tight, dangerous. I’ve never heard him sound like that before, and, if I didn’t know him so well, I would be scared of him.

Bella’s voice is quiet when she responds, so much so that I almost have to strain to hear her. “Esme went about thirty miles south for a quick hunt. She says another vampire, a female, came out of nowhere and attacked her.”

Just then, the front door bursts open. I jump, spooked.

But it’s just Carlisle, looking like he’s been torn apart. “My love, what happened?” He kneels in front of Esme, taking her hands in his. I pull back just a little to give them their space, though I don’t release my hands from Esme’s shoulders.

In a strained voice, Esme recounts what Bella had told us so far, and then continues. “The vampire came out of nowhere, Carlisle. I don’t know what I did to provoke her, but she seemed intent on finishing the fight. She only stopped when she heard Alice and Arthur coming to help me.” The pain in Esme’s voice is palpable. I can practically feel it in my own bones. I squirm, uncomfortable.

Carlisle doesn’t look any better off. He touches his forehead to Esme’s hands, breathing deeply. “I should’ve been there. You never should have had to go by yourself, I’m so sorry-”

“Carlisle, don’t be ridiculous. I should have known better than to hunt alone, really I-”

Jasper interrupts their pointless efforts to take blame. “Are Alice and Arthur still in pursuit?”

Bella nods. “And Edward, Emmett, and Rosalie. Hopefully they’ll pick up a trail.”

Jasper shakes his head, his mind quickly working through the situation. “It doesn’t make sense for someone to attack out of the blue. Do we have any clue as to her motivation?”

Now Esme shakes her head, looking dismayed. “Maybe I unknowingly entered someone else’s territory? Honestly, I thought we were the only coven for miles.”

Carlisle hushes her and strokes her hair gently. “It’s alright, darling, you just rest.”

But Esme smiles, placing a kiss on Carlisle’s head. “The pain is fading, my love. Don’t fret.”

Carlisle isn’t satisfied. “Would you like to go lie down? I can try to suck the venom out, maybe it hasn’t begun circulating yet.”

“I promise, the pain is barely there now. The vampire must not have bitten me very deeply.” Esme’s gaze softens and she takes Carlisle’s head in her hands. “But I would like to go lie down with you.”

Still seeming very concerned, Carlisle helps Esme up and begins to lead her out of the room.

It jolts us all when Esme lets out a yelp of pain and stumbles. Carlisle immediately swoops her up into his arms, looking absolutely gutted. “I would prefer to try and get the venom out.”

Teeth gritted, Esme nods. “Yes, I agree.” Quickly, Carlisle ascends the stairs, leaving just Jasper, Bella, and I in the kitchen.

Once Esme is out of the room, my discomfort fades, much to my guilt.

Bella’s phone rings, and she quickly takes the call, speaking lowly. When she’s done, she speaks loud enough so Carlisle and Esme can hear her from upstairs.

“That was Edward. They lost the trail of the vampire about a hundred miles south of where Esme was attacked. They’ll be back soon.”

I nod, still feeling terribly down. Poor Esme. Seeing the pain so plainly expressed by her made me feel terrible for the similar bites I’d inflicted on Edward and Jasper. Almost instantly, my guilt disappears, and I turn my head to Jasper, who’s looking at me with concern and curiosity. I don’t offer an explanation though, not quite ready to be so vulnerable in front of Bella, especially as it had been her husband who was one of my victims.

Thankfully, she doesn’t seem to notice my mood. Instead, she leans over, getting a better look at the necklace peeking out over my shirt.

“That’s gorgeous. When did you get it?”

Unable to stop the smile or the feeling of warmth that arises, I let it flow freely. He has a right to know how happy his gift made me. “Jasper gave it to me, actually. Isn’t it just perfect?” I carefully pull the necklace forward, allowing her to see it more fully.

Jasper looks uncomfortable with the attention, but pleased overall.

The three of us spend the next forty minutes idly chatting and doing our best to give Esme privacy to recuperate. Not too much later, the five other members of the family get back to the house. Carlisle and Esme come down then. Thankfully, Carlisle had been able to get some of the venom out, so she seems much more comfortable now. At Carlisle’s direction, we file into the dining room and take our places at the large, imposing table.

Alice begins, recounting how she had a vision of an unknown vampire choosing to attack Esme, reason also unknown, and she and Arthur rushed to help. Edward takes over, explaining that, once he and Emmett and Rosalie had gotten home from the library and Bella told them what had happened, they joined the pursuit. Only six out of the ten of us know the vampire’s scent, leaving Carlisle, Bella, Jasper, and I at a disadvantage.

“I say we continue our usual patterns but increase our precautions. The four of us who don’t know the scent shouldn’t be without someone who does. Also, stay in groups of at least three. We don’t want to risk being outnumbered.”

We all nod solemnly.

“Y/n, Jasper,” Carlisle continues, startling me with singling us out. “You were hunting north, how far did you go? Did you notice anything out of the ordinary?”

I shift in my seat, knowing we’re about to be exposed for our lie. Thankfully, Jasper does the talking.

“We went about a hundred miles north, and we didn’t notice anything unusual. Although, we didn’t spend a lot of time covering ground hunting, so we really wouldn’t know much.” Is it my imagination, or does he look embarrassed? Ouch.

Emmett immediately expresses his intrigue. “Really? What could’ve been occupying your time then? A hundred miles north…alone?” There’s a teasing glint in his eye, but what’s even scarier is the real curiosity behind it.

Edward rolls his eyes. “Now is not the time, Emmett.”

“No, he’s got a point.” Rosalie holds up a hand, staring us down. “What were you two doing?”

I decide to give Jasper a break from always having to explain. “There’s a waterfall we wanted to see.”

Esme smiles, a strange look in her eye, but she doesn’t say anything.

“Just a waterfall?” Rosalie doesn’t seem convinced.

“And a pool,” I supply, defensive now.

Bella chimes in, seeming shy. “She got a very pretty necklace, too.”

Emmett claps his hands down on the table, staring at us like we’ve just given him a gift. “Now that’s interesting.”

“Okay, that’s enough,” Carlisle comes to our aid, but even he wears a soft smile. “Remember the new rules and exercise good judgement. We need to be on our guard until we know more.”

With that dismissal, the family begins to leave the room. Emmett makes a beeline for me, likely to engage in more investigation and teasing, but I hurry to flag down Carlisle. There’s something I want to discuss with him.

“Do you have a minute,” I ask, feeling ridiculously nervous and insecure. I can feel Jasper’s gaze pricking at my back, but I don’t turn. I’m not sure if I could go through with my request if Jasper was sitting next to me, refined as he is. What I am about to ask is going to make me feel very, very, inferior.

“Of course,” Carlisle smiles, gesturing a hand forward. “Let’s go to my study.”

I follow him down the hall and take a seat across from his desk. Carlisle sits, folds his hands, then gazes at me kindly. “What can I do for you?”

I fidget. Carlisle gives me the time I need to breathe and work up the courage. Bless him.

Finally, I just spit the words out. “I was wondering if you would help me get better with my self-control.”

His politeness never falters. “I think you are doing very well already, Y/n, rest assured.”

I sigh. “Thank you, but I want to do better. I want to be able to leave the house and-and go to the library or at the very least, think about human blood without-” Like clockwork, the venom pools in my mouth. I wave a hand, knowing Carlisle is aware of it.

He nods slowly, contemplating. “You have a point, we can’t keep you locked up here forever.” He throws me a kind smile. “I could bring some blood home from the hospital. It has been frozen and stored, so it won’t be anywhere near as potent as it would be inside a living being. That might be a good place to start. Once you get used to that, perhaps we can go near popular hiking areas or the edge of town so you can slowly ease yourself into interacting with humans.”

I smile, endlessly grateful to Carlisle for taking my request seriously and being willing to help me. “Thank you.” I hesitate, not sure if it’s rude to ask what I want to know. Then again, Carlisle probably wouldn’t deny me any information. So I ask. “How long did it take everyone else to be okay around humans?”

Carlisle smiles, thankfully not offended by my question. “It varies greatly from person to person. Everyone is ‘born’, if you’ll excuse my terminology, with varying dispositions to certain aspects of this new life, just as humans are born and grow to find certain areas of life easier for them than others. For me, self-control was never a question of if, but when. It took me nearly two centuries, but now I can be around human blood flowing freely and barely feel a thing. Edward was fairly quick to gain control, and I suspect hearing the thoughts of those he wished to kill aided in his success. I wager it’s hard to kill someone if you’re so starkly aware of their humanity. Esme and Emmett both struggled, and will be the first to admit they slipped up many times. But they put in the work and have gotten much better in the last forty years. The true stars of us all are Rosalie and Bella. Only mere weeks after her transformation, Rose was able to be around bleeding humans and resist the temptation. Bella once began chasing after a human, and then stopped. Both of them are remarkable.” I can hear the respect in his voice, and wonder just how hard it was for him in his early years. He continues. “Alice, Arthur, and Jasper came to us later in their lives, so we weren’t with them to experience the newborn stage. Both Alice and Arthur were vegetarians from the start, with moderate success, and they’ve gotten much better since. Of all of us, Jasper struggles the most.” This surprises me. I never would’ve guessed. To me, Jasper seems so controlled, so refined, so advanced.

I’m unable to curb my curiosity. “What do you mean?”

“Am I correct in assuming you know about Jasper’s past?” I nod, remembering easily the horror stories from Jasper’s younger years. Carlisle continues. “Then you will know that, for over seventy years, Jasper survived solely on human blood, the longest of any of us.” I nod again. I’d known this, too. “When Jasper found us and learned of our lifestyle, he was very curious and committed to changing. But, seventy years of living one way is impactful. It’s nearly a human’s entire lifetime. Jasper became very accustomed to the taste, temptation, and satisfaction of human blood. For the longest time, the memory and temptation of it tortured him. He slipped up a few times, but at each and every point made a choice to come back to our lifestyle. Much like Edward, it’s hard for him to know the feelings of the people he kills. It was destroying him. The animals, while less instinctively satisfying, provide a much more peaceful life for him.”

I let that information settle. Poor Jasper…My heart aches for him. The pain of experiencing death after death through the feelings of your victim…the torture of being surrounded by humans after a lifetime of feeding on them….I don’t know how he bears it.

Carlisle’s soft voice interrupts my thoughts. “All this to say, I honestly have no idea how long it will take you to be confident around humans. But please know that as long as you desire our help, we offer it freely.”

I smile, endlessly grateful for the benevolent vampire sitting across from me. “Thank you, Carlisle.” But my mind creeps back to Jasper, and I know that my next conversation must be with him.

A/n Hi again! I hope you’re doing well and taking care of yourself. Let me know what you thought of this chapter and if you would like to be added to the tag list!

xx, 

Bjr

Link to next part: https://bonjour-rainycity.tumblr.com/post/624011835356626944/the-long-way-around-chapter-10

Tag list: @puer-de-infinitate @charliestuff @hindustani-diaspora @one-thread-can-save-a-life @salsameter @enchantedcruelsummer @meashy-moo @sana-li @femflorals @80strashbag

[honey-makki]

Sorry

Characters: Haiba Lev X Fem!Reader Summary: After talking to your father on the phone, Lev wants to help you unlearn unhealthy coping mechanisms. Warnings: family issues, allusions to abuse, bad childhoods, abusive language Song: seven- taylor swift Genre: hurt-> fluff Word Count: 1.7k+ A/N: This is about a rough childhood and growing from that. It’s deeply personal and could very well be triggering to people. I wanted to write something about the value of having a support system without undermining the work an individual has to do personally.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The holidays are generally a joyous time of year, full of reflection on your growth, sweet traditions with friends, and time spent with family. You adore the yearly gift exchange that you and Lev host in your shared apartment. Wreath cookies fresh out of the oven, hot cocoa in everyone’s mugs and silly pajamas.

The gifts were never serious, ranging from bacon toothpaste to a copy of Flubber (which Lev would argue is a fantastic movie, but that's besides the point) to a unicorn mug. Laughter floating around the house as people switch gifts and mosey around snacking on food and catching up with others.

Nothing brings you more joy than seeing your friends, all gathered together and just existing. Nothing can crush your spirit other than a phone call from your father. “Y/N, we expect you will be home Thursday night for the family dinner and stay for breakfast with Grandma in the morning.”

You know it won't matter how you try to get out of it, years of attempts proved that you go, or it gets worse. The already tense relationship strung even tighter, harsh words thrown your direction, implications that were clearly false, guilt piling up until you can’t take it anymore and you head home for a visit.

You tried explaining to your father that you had an overnight shift at the hospital and wouldn’t be able to make it. Hearing laughter from your friends through the phone, he tears into you for “valuing their companionship more than the people who gave you everything.” You try to get a word in but he doesn’t stop.

Lev notices you’ve been gone for almost 20 minutes on a call and decides to check on you. He walks outside to see you, sitting on the snowy stoop. The scene breaks his heart and lights a fire in him. Seeing you crying into your knees, your father still spewing vicious words from the phone sitting at your side. Both of you can hear him clearly even though he isn’t on speaker, the venom of his voice is amplified through sheer anger.

In the coldest tone your silver haired boyfriend has ever used, “Y/N has to go now,” and hangs up on your confused father. He slides into a seated position next to you, placing an arm around your shoulder, cooing soothing nothings to you. His voice brings you back to earth a little, silently crying, rather than the gut wrenching sobs.

Voice raspy from overuse, “I-- I’m sor- sorry-- sorry you had to c-come check on m-m-me.”

“Angel, don’t worry. You have nothing to apologize for. I checked on you because I care about you, not because I felt obligated,” knowing you want to rebut, he continues “don’t talk, let your voice rest. Just let me tell you that I love you and I’m here for you for as long as you’ll have me.”

He pulls you onto his lap and holds you until you feel strong enough to go inside, watching the snowflakes fall together in the meantime. ------------ Lev knew that your childhood wasn’t the best. You never brought up him meeting your parents or visiting home for the weekend. You never joined in the conversations reminiscing about “the good ole days” stating rather that you were more than happy to live in this moment.

You always shot Lev a loving glance or gave him a peck on the cheek to show that you weren't being cheesy, but genuinely meant it.

You were never slow to tell him how much you loved him, lamenting the fact that he made you feel safe, like you truly had a home. He took your words to heart, but never really understood what you were implying until that night on the phone with your dad.

Everything seemed to fall into place, puzzle pieces of your life up until now finally fitting together in his mind. The way you looked relieved when he told you that he loved you, brushing off talking about you family despite loving seeing Alisa and his parents, how you mentioned being independent at an early age.

The way you repeatedly apologize over every tiny mishap from bumping into him in the hallway or spilling a glass of water. How when you have an argument, you put space and preferably a piece of furniture between you two. The way you flinched when you heard a man yelling, retreating into Lev’s arms reflexively.

He didn’t realize what he was seeing were coping mechanisms from abuse. Overapologizing for existing, always being ready to run if needed, anxiety, and the pavlovian physical reaction you have to loud noises.

How did he not see this before? -------- It became Lev’s one true intention to help you. He tracked and noticed what triggered your anxiety so he could remove or reduce them in your daily life, always trying to stay seated and relaxed whenever an argument occurred knowing that his imposing 6’3 figure makes the problem worse, never raising his voice, even in glee, not when he was playing video games.

You noticed he was acting a little different, but weren’t exactly sure where it came from. You had still avoided his questions after the party a few months back just brushing your dad’s behavior as a one time thing. Lev made it clear that you didn’t need to go visit them if you didn’t want to do so, and if you did, that he would be going with you.  Not wanting you to face that alone.

Lev started going to therapy, wanting to make the idea normal. He talked about coping mechanisms he was learning to deal with stress, offering up these little nuggets of advice in a way that you could take them and avoid his questions until you were ready to talk.

It was almost 6 months after the night Lev talked to your dad on the phone that you broke down in his arms again.

----------- Your birthday was next week. When you got out of the shower after a double shift at the hospital, the first thing you saw on your revived phone was a voicemail from your dad. Lev already knew something was wrong by the whimper embedded in the way you called out to him from your bathroom.

You were never one to show emotions unless you wanted to express them, having learned that skill at a young age, but this time it broke through. The image of Lev opening the door with force that teetered between firm and tender, face contorted into concern, his body glistening with a thin sheen of sweat over his bare chest was the epitome of comfort.

“I’m sorry for interrupting your work out ses-”

“No. Y/N you do not need to apologize to me for existing, for feeling or for needing me. Ever. I love you so, so much and would do anything to make you realize that. To make you understand that.”

That confession is how you realized Lev already knew your secret. You didn’t have the ability to process that his past actions were intentional, trying to make you comfortable and grow as an individual. You can’t process that because the thought of someone knowing about your past brought you to tears.

You never wanted to seem broken, like damaged goods, someone with too much baggage to handle. It’s the whole reason you never told Lev even though you were planning on spending your life with him. You didn’t want to ruin that; to have him not pick up the pieces of your heart. Leaving you even more broken than you were before.

He knew that his love wouldn’t fix your heart in totality or immediately resolve bad habits, but he wanted to give you the support to get there. And right now, you needed him to hold you.

The warmth of his body encompassing yours as he moves you into a sitting position reduces the cold wave of worry that ran through your body. The coo of his gentle voice whispering words of adoration and pure unadulterated love into your ear brings you out of your head, grounding you in this moment.

To the only moment that matters. Moments with him, safe, tender, and full of support.  When you gather yourself, you quietly walk him through your childhood. He patiently waits, not interrupting you but assuring you to take your time when you get choked up.

“Y/N, I want to make sure that you never feel like that again. I want to help you move forward.”

And he does just that. He watches you go to therapy and come back a little lighter, even on the bad days. Lev brings you a cup of tea when your anxiety gets too bad, always fast to remove you from situations that might be triggering. He is a constant companion and cheerleader for your transformation.

------

You stand in the nursery for your soon to be child with Lev. Basking in what the future holds for the two, no, three of you. Lev notices the wistful expression on your face as you seem lost in thought. “Hey, we will be fantastic parents. Our kid is going to know what love is and see it exemplified every day.” He cups your cheeks, staring into your eyes trying to see if you not only understand, but believe him.

“I know. Sorry, I’m just, It’s just a concern I have. I don’t want to be like-”

“Y/N. You would never emulate your childhood. I’ve seen you grow so much and become the most resilient and compassionate woman I know. You will be able to teach those things to our child. I have no doubts about that.” He punctuated his proclamation with a sweet kiss on the lips and a soft hug, accommodating for your belly which holds the future, not a repeat of the past.

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