#cute wang inspired brain is no more

[nisazeee]

I have shape'd them

[itscinnafox]

STORY NOTES [akafuri] : By The Next Sunrise

Because I had sooooo much fun doing this with a friend (@miss-cactus) :] (also being the first collab' work that's posted) and had a lot of messy notes and drafts, it's just so precious to me not to ramble about it >w< also plenty of fun times in just 2 and half months despite life biting my ass at the same time, totally my stress relief lol. Also, this story really isn't just some cheesy stuff for the sake of romance. It's genuine love (੭ ˃̣̣̥ ω˂̣̣̥)੭ु⁾⁾

Read the story here in AO3 Summary: On the way to his brother’s house, the spring showers had begun again. With an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world. Furihata smiled. He would find out. Perhaps by one of the next sunrises.

.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ. Rambles undercut ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ .☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.☆ﾟ.

FIRSTLY, @miss-cactus has all my gratitude ♡(ŐωŐ人) without her; AkaFuri will be stranded in France LOL! Seriously, I'll just dump them in some random village in France and just maybe not even finish this story at all even. The time she took to find me a place, translate, edits and also judging me for my description of the place LOL yep... total life saver. With her help it really motivated and inspired me a lot! She's the oil to my car............. you get the idea :] .

BONUS, she's also a translator and translated many amazing works, basically a deity, breathing life back into them. Also, she has original works too :D check 'em out, it's cute! It's in French, but they're easily translated, she's that good! (๑>◡<๑) her AO3

WEIRD FACT, I also had a short break up with my boyfriend of 7 years while writing this. LOL. I was so upset but I got motivated by the similarities, that when he asked for us back I was like 'But-but the similarities though!' but I love him....bleeegh. So I said yes, and we're better than before. YAY!

๑ Story Base ๑ The idea popped when I was listening to 'The sun after washed by spring rain' by Wang Lee Hom on a rainy day on my day off, and florist Akashi just looks so beautiful lol and the rest just came up.... and I really wanted this vibe for AkaFuri something incredibly soft and warm~ just cozy >w< huehue~

This story sets in Spring, spring here, spring there~ Spring is the breath of new life, basically Furi's story lol.

I was also aiming for this story to be short and a bit poetic...... LOL then 11k words later I just gave up and was like: well, if AkaFuri wanna romance then who are we to say no? (Akashi will shave my hair in my sleep lol)

๑ Playlist ๑ Play on Youtube The playlist is by order according to each part within the story. I really love to ramble about this since music is my inspiration for a lot of things and the vibe of the whole premise, section of their development and perspectives.

☆ 11 : 11 by Taeyeon Introducing Furihata's little sob lol and Furi's perspective. After Furihata breaks up with his girlfriend (who again, have no significant in his life what so ever), he goes through the phase on moving forward. It really isn't him moving forward with his feelings for her though, it's just him moving forward from the familiarity of being with her in his life. With her gone, he finally reconnects with who he is, like in this passage : "However, somehow with just a fling of his bag onto the island top threw him years back. He has not always been this tidy and clean." Furihata had basically lived his life to accommodate to those around him. (I wanna stress that Furi wasn't forced into a relationship or was it abusive. It was just a relationship with someone whom Furi had no infatuation for. It just so happens she wanted to date him after the wintercup, and Furi is just like 'yea ok?' but really he didn't exactly thought it through.)

So this is where Furihata moves on from the familiarity. He cries because they dated lol, but really he's just confuse.

☆ The Sun After Washed By Spring Rain by Wang Lee Hom Exactly one year after Furi's break-up. The source of this story idea lol. Also, Furi's perspective. The title and the song is literally what it meant; the sun after the spring rain which brings in new beginnings. I present you, this passage of the story: "Instead, with an open palm, he let it collect the cold showers and let it flow out from the cups of his palm. They were chilly despite the warming sun, he looked up at the sky, and wondered what the rain would be like in other parts of the world."

☆ Reunite by Jordie Power I present you, when Akashi appeared and Furihata's crush on Akashi just awakened and go haywire LOL! In this AU, Furihata has genuine feelings for Akashi. They were long time friends, and there were even a few emphasis of their friendship through high school but because Furihata has a girlfriend and Akashi respected that (although most times, in my brain, is just Akashi crying to Kuroko LOL!)

☆ Passage by Miyano Mamoru Furihata and Akashi's similarities. The song is basically about finding yourself as you age, the experiences you go through as you age (i'm 27 and i'm still confuse lol) Even though this story focuses on Furihata a lot and little less on Akashi except for little hints here and there, Akashi was just as lost as Furihata.

Random thought (as I type this), my boyfriend had told me this before "Even though we don't need each other, and do well on our own. We have friends but it's so different. Is just something different to have someone you love around, so to an extend, I really do need you and to share everything with you, it really makes me happy." it really is something different to have someone by your side especially when you found someone. (p/s: you definitely don't need to be in a relationship to feel complete. you complete yourself okay? :3) Furi and Akashi have been in-love since high-school, they have accomplished a lot on their own but in a passage, they both felt lost and felt like something was 'empty' that was because they were still in-love, and they met each other and truly want to spend their life together and share everything.

☆ Moonlight by Miyano Mamoru Mmmmmm~ the juice. This is Akashi's perspective when he wants to romance Furihata (∗ᵕ̴᷄◡ᵕ̴᷅∗)՞ and of course, sneakily confesses to him. OH MY GOODNESS! THIS IS LITERALLY THE PART THAT I'VE BEEN DYING FOR! and wrote it sooooo many times. I wanted it steamy and a little desperate after their long pent-up-frustration unprofessed love, without making it 'explicit' kind of way. So I hope I captured it right lolol.

☆ Make Me Love You by Taeyeon Furihata's feelings towards Akashi. I was pondering on a song that would fit Furihata's pull towards Akashi and how Akashi makes him feel every time. No other songs seems to feel like then I was randomly humming to this song while I was working and this is perfect! Also, a wonderful vibe.

I think it has been emphasised a lot on how Furihata reacts to Akashi, how he blushes like crazy, how he also subconsciously wants Akashi to make him fall in love with him. Because deep down, as again, Furihata genuinely loves Akashi but he was never daring enough to do it and since Akashi had never showed any indication, so Akashi had to confess in order for Furihata to be brave enough to smack their lips together to confess too.

☆ Je Fais De Toi Mon Essentiel by Emmanuel Moire Infinitely bless @miss-cactus (and her naughty brother lol) for this! This is song is seriously sooooo beautiful ;w; I don't care if reader's don't listen to the playlist, but OH MY GOD! If nobody had listened to this, is seriously missing out. (just as a song in general is beautiful) and the lyrics are just akjsfhakjsfhaf AKASHI'S WORDS! In Akashi's perspective and the song that Akashi sang to when they were in the car, and Cactus chose the perfect line for it ;w;

This song basically concludes everything!!! From their feelings for each other since high-school and all the way until the day they die! It's basically everything I wanted this story to be about, just their pure love for one another and to share their happiness together ;w;

Also, I want to point out in regards of Furihata's decision on staying in France. It's really not just a spontaneous and reckless decision lol. As stated and shown in the story, Furihata is somewhat a successful person with a career, but Furihata has other passion and interest which he seemed to enjoy doing which is photography and Akashi notices this. Even though with a career, at a time some will have a change of heart. So if Furi wants to stay in France with Akashi, he has thought it through enough, and can afford to even live by even without Akashi's money lolol. ๑ Premises ๑ Cactus, without her, AkaFuri will be hobos. I . AM . NOT . KIDDING ! She just whip out the map of France and pin point me to everything! I didn't ask for that but her soul is made from angel clay and she showed me this beautiful town, and I am floored! I didn't feel that much motivation and inspiration before o(≧∇≦o)

So why not Paris? XD 1, I didn't want Paris, I wanted a natural, country/cottage vibe and not the city. 2, proven by Cactus, "actual paris : if you want a cup of coffee you have to give up your wife and your 2 children bc it's way too expensive" (XD actually there's more but those parts are only between us lol) 3, I want to pull Akashi from his usual portrayal of rich and luxurious life style. I mean.... he's still rich, just not lavish in that lifestyle. In here, Akashi's basically bare as a canvas, and painting it on his own. 4, I google mapped Paris.... and if anything, Akashi and Furihata will probably get run over by traffic LOLOL! 5, we hate the crowds lolol and we'd do anything to drown the citizens for AkaFuri to be alone. I'm not even gonna be discreet about this xD.

☆ Mornac-Sur-Seudre This main village, is the most beautiful town picked by Cactus. It's not so 'in the face' although not so splashed in a lot of colours (except for the oyster huts), it is a very vibrant village. We totally fell in love with it. It's quiet, and not a lot of villagers, so it's perfect for AkaFuri to have their stroll hand in hand (人 •͈ᴗ•͈) They're also very famous for their oysters LOL! So yeah..... Akashi fed Furi oysters.... because....it's yummy.... LOL! Video reference here. There's another beautiful video but I can't find it no more. ;; Other references; here, here and here.

☆ Seagull Train Furihata loves train (and so do I) and since the train exists here! WHY THE HELL NOT?! I really love writing this part! I fell in love with the department Cactus picked and everything was so perfect and beautiful. Pictures and videos of it was just so breath taking ;w; and it's a steam train! I've never ride one before, but I have been into exhibits in the train museum. The smell is amazing lol. It's like sniffing my humidifier......but bigger.

This is the train I had saw mostly from it. the 030 T 3 from 1891. It's still operational so choo-choo!!! they go!

Video reference ; here Train reference; here, here Other references; here, here, here and here.

☆ Saintes & Royan These two towns are what's closest to Mornac. I didn't have much on Royan because Saintes had a beautiful charm, so this is where they would have their wonderful date <3 and talk a little bit about their feelings.

Cactus correcting me on the description on the city as I just woke up from my sleep, is seriously a way to wake up in the morning at 5am XD LOLOL!!

There's a few churches too, and has an interesting history from the Roman empire :D really intriguing.

The bridge where they have their little confession in high-school (◡‿◡✿)

This video here, absolutely pretty!

☆ Akashi's Floristry; Fleurs d’acacia Cactus picked out the most beautiful name! "So either L’acacia (just the tree) or Fleurs d’acacia (acacia flowers)" The Acacia because it rhymes with Akashi's name : Aca - as in 'Aka' in Akashi. Ci - as in sea...because they're near the ocean. A - as in....... h(a)m because Cactus said so... and I can't even disagree because it's where Furi getting some of those..... meat....because Akashi's ham.....like his meat.......y'know..... We're very dignified ( ᵘ ᵕ ᵘ ⁎)

The design of Akashi's 3 story shop/studio/apartment..... I really don't have any reference, it's all in the head LOLOL! Akashi basically lives in simplicity, his shop all on the ground floor, and the second floor is his art studio where paints and do whatever he wants. Finally the third floor is where he stays, it was wasn't very detailed but it's very spacious and cozy >w<!

☆ The Drive-in theatre Bruuuuuh......the confession is the thing! Akashi sneaking in his opportunity to confess. What more is there need to be said? AkaFuri : mlemlemlemlemlemlemlemlem~

Ohh~ Akashi's pretty Bentley of course.

☆ The Landes The finale of their romance ❀.(*´◡`*)❀. I think we all know what a Volkswagen van looks like LOL! And they had the funky in the van and Akashi took Jean's advice with the bamboo charcoal.

Cactus showed this pretty place and I'm just ヽ(；▽；)ノ

Of course I'd really like to say it again. Furihata's decision to stay with Akashi was really not for the sake of a 'happy ending' or so. They've had deep feelings for each other since high-school and bonded closely, but Akashi didn't show any indication of romantic interest out of respect for Furihata's relationship, and Furihata knowing nothing about Akashi's mutual feelings just kept his feelings to himself. As told by the story, Furihata has a career and stable income. But even though his life is dandy in Tokyo with his job, that doesn't mean it's something he wants to keep pursuing or maintain, as we age, we search for something else to add into our experience. Not to say that we're forever unsatisfied, it's just how life is. We accomplish something, and we move on to another thing, and then another and another. It's really something beautiful about it, and life's just us exploring :] In Akashi and Furihata's case, is that they've already have what they wanted, a life of their own, choosing their own path and what they don't have was each other and now that they've bonded and opened up themselves, they can finally pursue another beautiful life together (>*^▽^*<)

๑ Book, Night on the Galactic Railway by Kenji Miyaza ๑ This is a real book. Also, my favourite! There is an anime as well, but if anyone wants the PDF feel free to drop me a DM and I'll give it to ya'.

In here, the story of the galactic railway impacted their lives a little bit differently. With Akashi the loss of his mother and Furihata to live the last adventure before death.

It is shown they have extreme love for this book, and it really is a beautiful book and there's just endless things to talk about, as it is place in an infinite travel of the train through the galaxy, meeting new people, seeing new things, the mysteries of stories and making meaningful relationship despite never being able to see them again.

The sentiment of Giovanni and Campanella is also similar to Akashi and Furihata. Before anything else, they want to have their adventure together before eventually parting their ways (and i really mean, until death do them apart.)

๑ Other Juices ๑ There some nitty stuff that aren't just there for show xD Well, kind of but there's some sentiments and stuff so...

☆ The Sunflower Maybe because I'm bias to sunflowers LOL! But Furihata is pretty with yellow! Sunflowers with darker brown florets are absolutely beautiful. The pendent I had in mind was literally the one I had when I was a kid (but I donno it's gone now lol). I googled other sunflower pendent but it's ugleh...

It associates with the theme of this story which is 'Sunrise' as in new beginnings, Furihata's fresh start to pursuing the person he actually loves.

Sunflowers also grow towards the sun. They radiate pure joy and positivity. They also symbolise unwavering faith and unconditional love; which is AkaFuri's undying love here despite the years.

Sunflowers are also given to show their deepest to the person, so Akashi gift him a sunflower :3 also because Furi looks pretty in yellow, fight me.

In chinese myth, sunflower are best for business... So with Furi around, Akashi's business will bloom LOLOL!

Funfact: In greek myth, a nymph named Clytie fell deeply in love Apollo, god of the sun. Although Clytie was beautiful by nymph standards, Apollo did not reciprocate her feelings, or acknowledge it. (except Akashi appreciates Furi's love okay?) After days of hopeless devotion, the nymph then transformed herself into a sunflower and constantly turned towards the sun so she could always be with the one she loved (Furihata's chasing sunrises because Akashi is there ok?).

☆ The Happy Street Cats :D This is actually a real book I have, a gift by my teacher before I leave S.Korea. The passage idiom is extracted by this page as well.

The front cover of the book is also yellow.

Yellow : Sunrise + Sunflower.

There's so much yellow in this story LOL!

☆ The Movie Cactus : Idol movie Me : *internal screaming* I swear we are always soooooooo close to making this whole thing crack XD

This scene is a real brain wreck lololol. (Still contemplating if it was romantic enough)

☆ Akashi's Florist number I extracted that number from an oyster restaurant LOLOL! Thankfully Cactus changed it.... we were planning on a crack bonus in which, Furihata orders oysters before calling Akashi.

It didn't happen. But if it did.

Furihata will order some oysters. And not regret it.

*Akashi judging*

☆ French Dialogues + Akashi teaching Furihata French Bless Cactus, she's my happiness now. I have no idea how many weird noises were coming out from our mouths just to understand how the French consonant 'R' sounds like to put it into words LOL! XD Without her, it'd be a disaster.

We were looking at other romantic phrases and found the perfect one ;w;

“Je suis ton bonheur.” means "I am your happiness" (oh god, google translate voice just keeps playing in my head LOLOL! help) Which, what else can be said? LOL Akashi's happy ok? Since this story is from Furihata's perspective, I really wanted to put him into the spot of being a foreigner (he speaks english and mandarin lolol just clueless in French, because Akashi is supposed to guide him). So while Cactus work her magic, being the Akashi to my Furihata. I tried to emphasis a lot on the characters expression etc, at least to indicate of what was going on....tbh even I forgot what they were saying. *just as clueless as Furi and Cactus cackling somewhere.

Everything in here is just Cactus being amazing ;w; and pure patience LOLOL!

๑ Side Characters ๑

☆Shérine ............ We butchered the original female side. Her name was Camille.... but I was sooo tempted to name it after *coouugh* :] because it's pretty. Also her hair was blond with hazel-green eyes.... yea we buried her.

Shérine wins now... Shérine is life.

Shérine will be in their wedding.

☆Jean Kirstein (of AOT) It's JEAN! ...........someone gotta tease Akashi with no filter.

(ﾉ^ヮ^)ﾉ*:・ﾟ✧ FINAL NOTES

The last section when Furihata wakes up and makes his decision, believe it or not, I was in the bus. While typing to Cactus, I was literally shaking in the bus and my eyes stung because of dust and I was in tears. I was between crying and laughing. Finished it at home ;w; Cactus was such a darling through it all.

I really had fun writing this with Cactus ;w; she's the best!!!!!!! And hopefully we'll make some crack stuff because we're hooligans like that XD.

:D BYE!

[myfriendthedictionary]

okay here goes brain please work with me

very based off the book chemistry by weike wang because new book hauls influence my writing to no end

—-

In a writing class Kate once took, the instructor was very against writing what you know. Write what you don’t know or write what you want to know.

So they write about a girl meeting another girl and living happily ever after.

In cannot be that easy, the instructor said, all over the margins, in all caps. Put in pain and struggle and any other obstacle that you can think off.

Kate makes the girl chop an insolent boy who is too nosy for his own good up and hide him in the walls.

—-

Kate reads Annleigh the story, one day.

What do you mean they all died? I thought you were tying to tell me a happy story.

No, I never said it was happy. Currently, disaster stories are my jam.

Annleigh finds this concerning. She tells Kate to get out of the house at once.

You haven’t been outside for so long and look where you are now. If you don’t go outside, I will come and drag you out myself.

You can’t. You’re on ✨vacation.✨

I’ll send someone. Also, how did you say that out loud???

—-

-🍵!!!

THIS IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!!!! 🥺🥺🥺 I love it so Much. Annleigh and Kate should get to be best friends and I’ve thought only about this for the last few days lol ngl and this gave me So much serotonin from it

Also Kate is totally a disaster story writer and annleigh is totally someone who wants happy ever after stories .... gosh this is So good ,,, this potential,,,, aaaaa *screaming in joy*

I have been So Stumped lately w writers block but I also havent tried super hard since I’ve been swamped w hw but this was So cute it inspired me to put my brain to work again since I remembered Kate and annleigh and farrah were still in the sleepover in albl and that means more friend bonding moments :]]

This is so adorable tho I love it !! Also new book hauls YESSSS im the same way . Every time I read a new book I’m like wow I want that writing style now. I want to write an au of this immediately ahskdshsk

[lifblogs]

☕️ Tales of Arcadia

Uh... love it! Literally one of the best TV show series EVER. I love basically everyone. I love Jim, Barbara, Claire, Toby, Blinky, AAARRRGGHH!!!, Draal, Not-Enrique, Vendel, Bular, Strickler, Otto, Gunmar, Angor Rot, the freakin’ dentist, Mary Wang, Darci Scott, Eli Pepperjack, Steve Palchuk, Aja Tarron, Krel Tarron, Varvatos Ves, Tronos, Morando, Zadra... JUST. FEEL. THE. LOVE.

I love the bold coloring that really brings everything to life and makes it awe-inspiring. I’ll admit, a lot of the TV shows I like have some bland coloring as their kind of aesthetic, but these shows work with color, and REALLY know how to.

I love the music and I wish they sold it, especially the Trollhunters credits music, the 3Below credits music, the Trollhunters season 3 music, and the 3Below season 2 music. I WANT TO INHALE IT.

And like, I love that Jim is indifferent about his dad who left when he was little. I think it represents an under-represented demographic. Most characters whose dad’s walk out on them are shown with lingering angst. I didn’t entirely feel seen, ‘cause you know, bio father left. By high school I was certainly completely indifferent to him and his existence and even the former part he played in my life. I really relate to Jim with that, and I like that we see a character who is perhaps better at living in the moment than in the past.

I also love all the multi-racial stuff!! High quality. (Mary Wang’s my favorite, and I also think Darci Scott is mixed race)

Omg, the fact that they gave a fat character a girlfriend because she thinks he’s cute, and he’s got a sweet personality is the best. Toby’s got more game than Jimbo.

I love that Claire Nuñez’s family is a Spanish speaking household. I think some people can feel represented by that, and it makes me think of our dear friend Martina who lives in a Polish speaking household.

Uh... yo, that scene that was symbolically a suicide? I will cry till the end of days.

I want a Luug.

“buttsnack”

“snackbutt”

Give me that quality Jim and Barbara content. It’s so there. Love a boy who loves his mom.

Jim’s nose isn’t perfect and that’s why it’s perfect.

Krel and Aja are beautiful in alien form AND human form. I love Krel’s human form and how he gets accepted and has friends despite the racism his form subjects him to.

Krel’s accent.

Aja’s accent.

Akiridion-5 is so pretty.

AAARRRGGHH!!! is such a complex and wonderful character, and I love how his friends value him despite his past trauma, brain-washing, and forced lack of education. I love how he’s shown as emotional and has a lot of thoughts going on in his head.

Can I live in Trollmarket?

Aja needs to braid my hair for me.

I want to geek out about physics with Krel SOOOOOO BADLY.

The last five episodes of 3Below is some of the best television I’ve ever seen. Same with the last four episodes of Trollhunters.

The end of Trollhunters always makes me cry.

I miss Anton Yelchin.

[linkeai]

that’s kinda hot → wang linkai / xiao gui ( nine percent ) → summary: summer school is fun, and at first, neither is the obnoxious boy who gets seated next to you who takes a weird liking to you. → warning(s): swearing, mentions of illness, canadian school terms? idfk → genre: fluff, the teensiest bit of angst → word count: 3,751 → notes: hi i love this and it may or may not be inspired by the boy i temporarily fell in love when i went to summer school :)

so... you suck at math

you knew you sucked at math pretty much your entire life, and you knew you were still going to suck this year when you started your grade 11 math class

but you didn’t think you sucked so bad that you would fail the class entirely

but, alas, thinking was not your strong suit

because your final mark in math 2201 was 32 :)

and you were NOT repeating a year, and you were not taking the god-awful supplementary exam, 

so summer school was pretty much the only option you had left

and your parents may as well have put a gun to your head with the way they said you had BETTER pass this time

bc summer school isn’t exactly cheap!!

so you went off with equal parts terror and determination in your heart

summer school was only a month long, and you’d already sort of done the course already

so you were feeling pretty good about your chances

until you arrived on the first day :)

the place was a janky looking middle school filled with people that divided into two groups;

group a) the ones like you who were already over it and just wanted to get your credits and get the hell out

and group b)… came in shouting at each other and being generally obnoxious and we’re treating it like they’d just arrived at the party

one boy in particular stood out to you.. not because he was probably the most obnoxious one in the bunch, but because he was kind cute even when he was screaming some nonsense

and as if it was your luck.. when you got sorted into your classes and took your seats, he plopped down right beside you

who in the name of god thought it was a good idea to have two seats pushed together in the rows in an actual summer school, you didn’t know

you just knew that when the teacher told you that these were your seats for the remainder of the month, he turned and gave you a grin that made you realize that there was, in fact, a fate better than summer school

and it was death

summer school is extremely fast paced so class started pretty much five minutes after you were seated

so you took out your notebook and your little pencil case and got ready to inject yourself with some mathematical knowledge

when this dude taps on your shoulder

you don’t even say anything you just like at him like don't you fucking dare ask for paper

and so he asks for some paper

and you’re like yeah man for sure! and tear out a few sheets and give it to him

he gives you the BIGGEST, the DUMBEST smile you have ever seen

and you would never in a hundred years admit that it made your heart do several things.

and the paper… the paper was your first mistake.

the teacher started explaining some of the topics of the first unit when he taps his pencil (thank god he at least had a pencil) on your desk

and you just.. fill with dread bc PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE I NEED TO LISTEN OR MY PARENTS WILL LITERALLY RUIN MY LIFE

and you’re like yeah… what….

and he asks what your name is 

and you’re like???? it’s y/n

and he does the smile again and … oof

he tells you his name is linkai and you just awkwardly bob your head and turn toward the front again

and linkai has the GALL to tap on your desk again and maybe you’re being a liiittle hot-tempered but in your head, its like W H AT THE FUCK DO YO U WANT DUDE

and this boy has the audacity to look you in the eyes and say “you’re kinda cute.”

your brain short-circuits at the same time your heart goes into overdrive

and you can’t really do much else but stare at him for a long minute and just as you’re about to answer him, you hear a loud yell from the front of the classroom.

“you two! is this gonna be a problem? seriously?”

“no ma’am!” the two of you say in perfect unison

and class carries on

the classes last about four-ish hours every day

and for the ENTIRE first day

linkai is doing sometHING to test your sanity

when he’s not humming, he’s drumming a beat on the desk,

when he’s not trying to make conversation with you, he’s whispering little side comments about the lesson 

and you’re too afraid to tell him to stfu because he’s still really hot and you’re a little intimidated

and this goes on for the next three days of the first week until you snap

he turns to you and he’s like, “y/n, your hair looks really good today.”

and you slowly turn, look him dead in the face and say very slowly; “if you don’t shut the fuck up, i’m going to beat you to death with this calculator”

the next few seconds pass like several eternities, where you revel in the thinly veiled shock and terror in his eyes

until a cheeky grin slowly spreads across his face, and he says, shamelessly;

“that’s kinda hot.”

and at that moment, you turn back to the board and take a long, agonizing moment to grieve over both your two precious math credits as well as your life which your parents will inevitably soon take from you

things get so much weirder after that

you think he goes from talking to you to entertain himself to actually liking you after your feisty little outburst

and you quickly learn that when linkai likes someone he’s … extremely odd

but?? kind of adorable?

the weirdest thing he does is he starts bringing you ‘gifts’

and it's so creepy but so ridiculously endearing when he pulls a bouquet of crumpled dandelions out of his bag and hands them to you

theres a few ants crawling on them and they’re ruined from being in his backpack

he hasn't even put anything on them to hold them together

and you’re not really sure if you want to thank him or not but you do anyway because like.. c’mon man

and he’s looking at you with those puppy dog eyes

so you say “thanks, linkai. these are uh.. nice.”

theyre really not but when his eyes kinda light up a little and he turns away with red ears and hides his smile in his hoodie you’re like.. these are the most beautiful flowers i have ever seen in my entire life

and that, my friend, was your second mistake

he brings you a new gift every day

one time it was half of a cookie from the gas station mcdonalds down the road

once it was an actual fucking newt like a little lizard that he found somewhere and you literally begged him to keep it for himself

another time it was an eraser shaped like a cupcake that was very clearly used

but you kept every single present he gave you

except for the lizard because what the genuine fuck dude

he also comes up with new nicknames for you every day

and they’re even cringer than they were the day before every time without fail

he strolls into the room, plops down beside you and hands you your daily present with a “good morning, ___”

the blanks thus far include, honey, darling, sweetiepie, cupcake, pumpkin, gumdrop, cutie patootie, my cinnamon apple, munchkin

and you don't know why you look forward to seeing what he comes up with next

and even the very worst of the presents and the nicknames make your heart flutter

and you realize you are slowly becoming whipped for this weird kid

and that this is very bad because you’re literally desperate to pass this class and its hard when you spend all your time waiting for his next comment or thinking about him being next to you

but like a dummy, you don't ask to be moved and you don’t even ask him to shut up

well you do, you regularly tell him to shut up but this man takes insults like compliments and it seems to feed into this idea that you like him

which you do but that's none of his damn business

and about halfway through that short month of school, you realize you’re not going to be ready for the exam

you start losing sleep over it because this is really not good

and you also realize that this isn’t linkai’s fault, really, you can’t push the blame onto him because you didnt want to ask to be moved away from the cute boy

and that makes you feel even worse

so you come into school one day looking about as miserable as you feel

you actually get there after linkai for the first time because you were in the bathroom trying to make yourself look more alive

but it doesn't work because the second you walk in and linkai (who was previously looking a bit like a lost puppy) says “hi sugarpl- damn, you look rough.”

you give him a half-assed glare and slump into the seat beside him, not even having the energy to be sarcastic.

“wait, y/n, are you okay?”

the concern in his voice makes your stomach turn a little but you just kinda look at him and you’re like.

“i’m gonna fail. again.”

and he's surprised you actually answered him so he kinda stalls for a second

and then he's like “i can help you? if you want?”

and you almost want to laugh bc you have not seen the kid take a single note since you got here

but he's like “lets go sit at one of those tables outside after this and i’ll help you with what you don’t know.”

and you’re like yeah sure i guess bc i mean.. he's cute what are you gonna do? say no?

and then he gets his bag and pulls out a pack of colorful scrunchies and hands them to you

and you instinctively tear up bc they look super new so he definitely like.. went to a store.. saw these.. thought he should get them for you..took them off the shelf.. bought them with his own money.. and now they’re here

and by the will of god you don’t start weeping in front of him

and you feel weird walking with him outside as he greets all his loud friends and is like nah i cant go with you guys today i gotta do something

you two sit down outside and you whip out your book and he’s like so what is it? what are you having trouble with?

and, in shame, you admit that you really don’t know shit all

and he just kinda laughs and he’s like aight let's do this

and let me JUST SAY

YOU. ARE. FLOORED.

he starts explaining the first concept to you and everything he says is making? perfect sense?

he explains things very clearly and intelligently and you immediately understand what you have to do 

he has his own way of solving problems that is faster and more efficient and literally whips through every equation.

when he finishes explaining, you just stop and stare at him in awe for a second and he's like “sorry, did that make sense?”

and in your head you’re like nothing has ever made sense more than what you just did right now

but outwardly you’re like yeah thanks so much

and he continues to explain things to you and by the time a few hours have passed and its getting late and kinda chilly, you already understand half the things you were lost on

you tell him you should get home now and he’s like, oh, yeah, sure, okay.

and you really have to ask him how he ended up in summer school? because he’s obviously extremely intelligent with how easily he understands all the concepts

and he gets a little shy

and he tells you that during the year, he had to work a lot during the school days because his mom is sick and off work so they’re not making a lot of money

and that she had a doctors appointment on the day of the final and there was no one else to take her and it was all really last minute so he missed it

and so he ended up failing math and had to go to summer school

he waits with you until your bus comes and sends you off

and you’re just like.. sitting there.. thinking

and you start to feel like the biggest piece of shit for multiple reasons

first, because you had made so many wrong assumptions about linkai

he wasn’t just some obnoxious imbecile. he was hard-working and obviously had a really big heart

he was loud, yeah but that was just his personality

and you had gone and assumed he was dumb when he was pretty much a genius

but worst of all, you realized that he actually genuinely liked you

all the little pet names, the gifts, the constant talking to you in class was because he just… liked you. it was his own little eccentric way of showing it

and you had treated him like he was some big joke. a nuisance, even.

you didn’t sleep very well that night, either.

the next day he brought you a donut and called you donut.

and you almost cried again 

he was also wearing a different red sweater he’d never worn before and his hair was kind of different and he looked so good

and so you smiled at him and said, “morning, handsome.”

and there was nothing sweeter than the way his face turned as red as his hoodie.

he helped you that day after class too,

and the next, and the next

and you exchanged numbers so you could ‘ask him questions while you were home’

but you two would start texting and having all kinds of conversations

from the most crackheadassery shit to some really deep stuff

you never knew that you could fall so hard for someones voice, the way he talks on the phone when he’s calm and tired, his voice husky and quiet

but shit, you were whipped like whip cream

there was this one time he texted you at 6 am

and it said something like “i just got home from work and i saw a cat in my mailbox blah blah”

and you were like.. pause. just got home from work?

and from there you realized that because summer school was mandatory he was going to work at night to make up for the day shifts he had to miss

and probably getting 2-3 hours of sleep if he was getting any and all

and that was kind of the deal breaker

and you realized that, in such a short span of time,

you had completely fallen in love with wang linkai

and you were determined to do something, anything you could to just.. make things better for him?

you just wanted to be his person

the two of you continued staying after school and studying for an hour or two and then texting throughout the rest of the day, right up until the final exam

the two of you had studied vigorously together, both in person and over facetime.

and the night before the exam comes and you get a text

and all it says is “y/n, something bad happened.”

your heart immediately sinks to the floor and you abandon the petty ‘wait two-three minutes before answering’ rule and just call him

he picks up and doesn’t even say hello and you’re so frightened to see such a bright creature so… burned out

he explains to you that his mom finally got an appointment with this really important specialist after months of waiting

and that it was supposed to be next week, but it got moved to tomorrow

and it’s on the other side of the city

and he’ll miss his exam

it really hurts to hear the shake in his voice, and how hopeless he sounds

and you ask him everything like are you sure theres no one else that can drive her but you? are you sure you cant have the appointment moved back?

and its all a pretty resounding no.

and so you think and think and you’re like; you know what? i have an idea.

and you run into your moms room and explain the situation to her and BEG her to do this for you and take linkai’s mom to her appointment for him

and she asks to speak to linkai for a second and you’re just twiddling your thumbs

and he kinda makes her smile and laugh a little and your heart could just BURST

and she agrees to drive her after getting his address and his moms name and the place of the appointment etc

and when she hands the phone back to you, you go back to your room and when you put the phone to your ear, you hear linkai sniffling on the other end

and you’re like “kai?? are you crying?”

and he’s like “no… fuck maybe a little bit.”

and you’re like ?? why, what else is wrong?

and he’s like “nothing.. nothing is wrong, it’s just.” and he takes a big breath. “thank you so much.”

and you kinda tear up a little bit too and you’re like.. “of course.. you don’t have to thank me.”

and he just takes a biig breath and calms down and then he starts talking in a really soft voice.

“y/n.. you know i like, really like you, right? i know you think im just bored or playing some game, but im not. i knew you were special, and im..” he kind of laughs at himself. “fuck, im really falling for you.”

and now you are crying too

and you tell him you’re so sorry and that you wish you would have just. been better from the beginning

and you tell him that you feel the same way and the both of you are just giggling and he tells you thank you a million times and that he cant wait to see you tomorrow

so the exam comes

the two of you take it and you’re kind of lost on what to do with yourselves other than studying lol

but you both feel really good about the outcome

and there's something really special about the two of you sitting outside waiting for both of your moms to come and get you

and when they do, you get in the car and your moms are like best fuckin friends already

and you’re all laughing as the four of you go to eat lunch together and linkai’s mom tells him that the specialist set up a plan for her and it looks like things are going to get better really soon.

and theres a happy kind of pain in your chest when you look over at him and see that he’s getting teary eyed

and you know exactly what he’s feeling - its that feeling like fuck, things are so good right now, everything is perfect, please don’t take it away

and so you’re a little scared but more excited when you reach over and hold his hand.

and he looks at you and you smile at him. you don’t have to say a word for him to know exactly what you’re thinking

‘i’m here. things will be okay. things will get better. let me carry this weight with you.’

and he squeezes your hand so tight it hurts

but you dont mind

a few days later, the two of you return to get your final examination results

and you’re both shaking and bickering bc you’re like “why are you nervous when you know you passed”

and the two of you take the envelopes and go stand outside by the same table you sat at everyday.

you open your cards at the same time and look at the results and you scream while linkai lets out a big huff of relief

yours reads ’84’ and his says says ’93’

your card flutters to the ground as you jump forward into his arms

and he’s laughing and holding you so so tight, swinging you around and he’s still kind of shaking but in a good way.

and you pull away from the hug and just look at him, and he’s got that look in his eyes again

the look that says he’s so happy and he’s afraid he’s going to lose it

and before you can think twice, you grab his face and kiss the thought right out of his head

and he smiles into the kiss, grabbing you the second you pull away and bringing you back for more

you two pull away and just look at each other like.. who knew?

and he kisses you again on the lips, then kisses all over your entire face

and the horn honks a few feet away from where your mother is waiting for you with a small smile on her face.

and you kiss him one last time before you walk back to the car with your hands tightly intertwined

and you are so fucking glad you suck at math

[beihonglin]

[TRANS] 190121香蕉冲呀 GoGo Banana Weibo Update

Why is it so difficult to eat one meal... Regardless, the boys look like they’ve enjoyed themselves~ Next up, there will be even more challenges waiting for you!

my brain hurts (huang zhenyu)

stupid but cute (li huangyi)

pranked by life (che huixuan)

sprinkling salt on the wound (che huixuan)

watching (huang zhenyu)

suddenly inspired (chen yujia)

anticipating (zeng gangjie)

seriously eating (wang zhe)

ummm (wang zhe)

[jj-ktae]

Fragrance XII : Accord

Title : Fragrances

Genre : Fluff, Angst, Romance

Pairing : Jaebum x Reader

Summary : You are a perfume composer, he is a lyricist, and while you’re left with too many possibilities, he is out of inspiration. Your only bond is an unknown fragrance. Second part of the Fragrances series.

Warning : Mentions of suicide. Don’t read if you’re uncomfortable with the subject please <3

- Teaser - Wisteria - Metallic - Sillage - Accord - Final -

Fragrance XII : Accord

An accord is a blend of two or more fragrances to create a new, completely different smell. We talk about accord, because it’s all about the way the fragrances go with each other. An accord means that two fragrances can go well together, no matter what their main pattern is and how different they can be.

It’s a quiet day. Jaebum loves these days. He likes having time for things. Peace is a motivation that never fails to amaze him.

But he is restless.

“They want to see you.” Youngjae has been eyeing him ever since he arrived this morning. Jaebum arrived with a face he knew too much.

“Why?” The latter only stirs on his chair, his back cracking deliciously.

“They didn’t say.” Youngjae shrugs and taps his back before throwing himself on the couch.

His day wasn’t that bad so far, but Jaebum feels something on his way to his manager’s office. The album is going well, Youngjae is glad with the result and he did quite good though.

“Ah, you’re already here.” The manager is busy when Jaebum enters the huge office.

He is talking with a girl, who seems young.

“Do you want me to come back later?” Jaebum tries but the manager is quick to stop him, motioning for him to enter.

“You came right on time. Meet Leni. She is a singer who is supposed to debut in 2 weeks.” The girl gets up and offers a hand, which Jaebum shake slightly.

He can see it coming.

“We need you to write her first song. It’s as simple as that.” The man readjusts his suit and goes to his office. He looks like he had the best idea ever.

Jaebum only tilts his head, before eyeing the young singer. She has a petite figure but her eyes are huge, expectant.

It’s the first time Jaebum doesn’t feel panicked by the idea of doing something different. Under any other circumstances he would have freaked out, his heart would go have gone crazy, just like his brain but now he simply nods, approaching the producer and smiling.

“Sure, I’ll do it. What concept would you like to go with?” Jaebum surprises himself by asking that. It isn’t like him to be this enthusiastic. The young singer smiles along, also waiting for the producer’s answer.

“Romantic. Love. I want her to become the nation’s new sweetheart. You can write about love, right? Not the gruesome, regretful type of love, the joyful, happy one.” The producer knows Jaebum and his pessimistic heart all too well and while it fits to Youngjae, he wants something new for his new protégé.

And Jaebum smirks, because he has a whole song totally ready.

“Got it.”

He turns around and leaves the office, not even noticing the way the singer’s eyes linger on him and rushes to work on the project.

Love.

---

Jackson doesn’t like this. He isn’t a professional when it comes to relationships, but he definitely knows something is strange.

And Jackson has a damn good idea about what it is.

It’s from the way you look at things. He thought he was being paranoid again, but no matter how much you try to reassure him, he knows. He knows you’re not okay.

Your eyes took a colour he knows too much. It’s not a bright and shiny colour like the one he treasures.  Your eyes are dark, cloudy, like there’s a storm inside your head and you’re constantly fighting with it.

He doesn’t like it. He can live with a lot of things, but not with the probability of you not being happy. Jackson doesn’t care about his own happiness, and even though he should, he can’t be selfish. Jackson is not someone who can take away something for his own profit.

So when he knows you’re not fully happy dating him, he takes a decision.

It doesn’t break his heart like he thought it would. It doesn’t make him angry because he feels used. He doesn’t even raise his voice when he breaks up with you.

It’s like casual talk around a cup of coffee. He takes your hand because you cried in front of a movie -and you barely do that usually- and as he looks at you, he sees it.

Pain. Hidden sorrow, forced smiles.

“You don’t look happy.” Is the first thing he says. You blink at him because you don’t get it. How can you be okay when the puppy was killed at the end of the movie?

“You’re not your usual self.” He continues and you understand you were never this emotional before.

“Look, I know what you’re about to say-” you answer but you don’t even know what you’re about to say. You don’t want Jackson to feel bad because of you, you don’t want him to think you don’t want to be with him because you do want it.

But Jackson knows there’s something you want more than that. It goes beyond the affection you both have for each other.

It’s okay, he understands. He is fine with being friends with you if he can see you finally be happy.

But you’re so stubborn you’ll never admit you long for Jaebum’s presence.

“You don’t know what I’m about to say, silly.” He is extra careful because one word can break you and he doesn’t want that. “Listen to me, and listen to me well. You’re not happy dating me. As much as you want to believe it -and I appreciate that- you’re not. I get that you want to move on and be happy and no, I’m not mad at all.” Jackson takes a deep breath and you sniff loudly because hell, that puppy was so cute and he was killed.

“You don’t cry in front of movies. You don’t stay in bed for half of the day. You’re not that kind of person. You’re not someone who barely eats and walks like a zombie because she doesn’t sleep. You’re strong, you know what you want and I feel like right now, you don’t want this.” Jackson continues and doesn’t let you speak, because he needs you to understand.

“So yeah, we have fun, we go out, we make love, we do all these things people do in the movies, but deep down, you don’t want me. You don’t want to date Jackson Wang and you try so hard even your body rejects the idea.”

“But, no! It’s not what you think!” You try to stop him because you suddenly feel like shit. You did your best with him. You want to stay around him because he is security. Jackson is so strong he can fight for the both of you even when you’re down and you want to be with him.

“I get it. I’m not saying you’re staying with me because there’s no other choice. I’m saying you’re trying too hard and I don’t like it. I see the way your laugh fades, how you stare into space, the way you close your eyes whenever you smell something different. I’ll help you. I’ll be the one breaking up so you won’t have to feel guilty about it. I care about you a lot and I know you do too, but not like we should be. You mean a lot to me and I don’t want to lose you, but maybe, just maybe, we are not made for this” his hands move in the air, showing the room. “We’re not made to be together that way.”

You break down crying but Jackson smiles. He knows it’s not sorrow. It’s relief. You hug him tight and whisper sorry so many times it doesn’t make sense. Jackson laughs when you part “You look so bad.” He teases and doesn’t care when he wipes your nose with his fingers. “See the dedication? I’m full of your snot, silly.”

You cry all night and cling on him like he is your last hope. He tells you everything’s going to be alright and he will never leave your side. You answer that you love him like he is the best friend you’ll never have.

He tells you he will be and thanks you for the eight months of amazing relationship you both had.

It’s rather normal for you to feel like shit the day after, during lunch. Bambam and your boss want to celebrate your assistant’s success with his perfume sample and you’re so out of it that both of them don’t even dare to ask what’s wrong.

Bambam knows Jackson had to go to China again but doesn’t mention it. He knows too much about you to talk about it. No matter how much you triy to hide the situation, he gets it.

“It reminds me that, Y/N, you have to start a new project. I wanted to talk about it in a more official way but the brand apparently found a muse and would like to launch a perfume. Usually it’s the other way around, but it seems her company wants her to make it big quickly so they’re doing everything to put her under spotlight. We’ll both advertise each other, y’know.” It’s funny how she changed since you started working for her.

This woman has always been like that one teacher who is so strict you have no choice but to study. You laugh quietly to yourself when she blinks cutely at you and tell her how much you like her lipstick.

“Thank you.” She softens and elbows Bambam when you start sipping on your juice. “Is she sick?”

Bambam shrugs and leans close to her ear. “Lovesick.”

You pretend you didn’t hear them.

---

“Leni Lee? What parents would do this to their kid?” Bambam looks at the files before laughing, his now dark brown hair floating into the air.

“Your name is Bambam.” You roll your eyes at him from your spot on your office. You moved back to the company when it became unbearable to work at your own place. You took your own furniture and moved everything with you, pretending you were living too far from the company.

In reality, no amount of incense could make you forget about Jaebum’s odor. It’s too scary to handle.

“It’s my stage name. I have a real name, but you’ll laugh even more.” Bambam shrugs and laughs again.

He is definitely and absolutely crazy.

“Leni Lee is a romantic young adult with hopes for the world. Her dream is to heal everything with her lulling voice and calm everyone’s pain with her insightful positivity. Her favorite color is white because it reminds her of the clouds and she likes playing the ukulele.”

Bambam stops reading and bursts out laughing. “She’s gonna heal the world with a ukulele. And here I thought we were ambitious.” He mocks before shaking his head. “That would be funny if she turns out to be a little devil.”

You nod and open another sample. “Devils don’t play the ukulele.”

Bambam does finger guns’ gestures before reading the rest of the singer’s introduction.

You have to meet with her in less than an hour and you’re not even half ready. You need a thousand more samples to show her and Bambam is only laughing and dabbing. At some point, you decide to change your tactic.

“Let’s not prepare anything. We’ll just talk with her and figure it out from that point.”

Bambam stops to open his mouth, shocked. “Yeah you do that. I’m incapable of doing that.”

“Well, try doing it.” You threaten and lift a brow. “You want to be a perfumer, right? We’ll talk to her and you’ll tell me what you see in her. What would suit her, what would suit her and that damn romantic perfume they want us to make, got it?”

Bambam sighs and nods, getting up. “Yes, boss.”

He loves when you’re fierce.

“You ready?” You get up and stretch, “let’s go meet that ukulele devil.”

Bambam agrees and follows. It takes five minutes to go to the meeting room. Five minutes of Bambam chatting and making incomprehensible jokes. Five minutes of quiet steps on fluffy carpeting.

It takes less than a second for you to freeze though. The singer is here, in her bright white laced dress. Her bow is neat on her wavy hair, her makeup is perfect, her face is doll-like.

You wonder how you notice all this when you can only see Jaebum, sitting leisurely and looking around the room. The meeting room has no real walls and only thick glass to give privacy.

Bambam bumps into you when you stop walking, peeking from behind your shoulder. “Oh. OH.” He whispers, not getting why the hell was Defsoul in the meeting room. “Emergency.” He breathes.

“You go.” Panic takes over you before your brain can stop you and you walk away. Jaebum didn’t see you, you can go away and let Bambam handle this. “Record this, I don’t know. Handle this. Please.” Your voice sounds so desperate suddenly, and Bambam almost agrees, but luck is not on your side.

“You’re here! I’m going to tag along. I got curious.” Your boss’ heels are too loud to be ignored and when you peek again, you instantly see Jaebum, looking into your direction. “Come on in, Y/N!” She is too cheerful, too pleased by the situation. Bambam looks worried when you sigh, your back still facing the dangerous scene.

“I can do the talk.” Bambam suddenly looks adorable, with his caring face and shiny, plump lips.

“It’s okay. I’ll just, bear it.” You turn around so fast the earth spins but you’re too busy shaking to notice it and you enter the room like a robot, facing the singer who is already smiling at you.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Leni Lee!” She bows so many times you lose count of it but you simply focus on her floating dress, deliberately ignoring Jaebum who you know is already staring at you.

“I’m Y/N, I’ll be creating your perfume, along with Bambam, my assistant.” You’re glad your boss claps her hands before you have to greet Jaebum and turn around, taking a seat far from the quartet and opening your notebook.  Jaebum bows at your boss and shakes hands with Bambam, sitting down next to the singer.

Bambam looks at your boss and she magically stays silent, before lifting a brow at Jaebum. “We will now begin,” she coughs and sits next to you, gently patting your thigh under the table. “How about you tell me more about you?”

You don’t know what is going on. You don’t even listen to the singer, mind clouded by the feeling of Jaebum’s scent.

It hurts from every pore, like you got a shot of a drug you thought you quit. Jaebum stares at you, doesn’t stop looking, not even when you bite your lip in frustration.

You draw patterns on your notebook, pretending to be concentrated because that’s what creative people do.

“So you’ve got a song ready? Already?” Bambam’s voice makes you snap up while the young girl takes her phone from her purse.

“yes, I have Jaebum’s cover of the song as we have yet to record it. It’s an acoustic version.”

You tilt your head. Jaebum?

Jaebum stays silent, merely smiling at your boss and embarrassed by the sudden display of his unfinished work.

He speaks for the first time because he doesn’t trust the girl on this. This song is everything but a business to him. “The name is Unfold me. It’s a love song. It depicts the romantic feelings of a person for someone who has yet to discover them. It’s a confession. An open letter to a loved one. A plea to discover honest feelings. It suits the image of a soft and romantic girl who has yet to confess to a boy because she isn’t what he thinks she is. It uses metaphors and imagery to show the importance of honesty.”

You don’t look at him. From beginning to end, you don’t want to listen. He talks about love like he knows it and it makes you want to laugh out loud.

He knows nothing about love. He bullshits around the place and it makes you so mad.

“That’s...great.” Your boss open her mouth, thoughtful. “Shall we listen to it?”

You want to be deaf. You can’t listen to Jaebum singing I love you and I miss you and I need you and please let me show you how wonderful love is with you.

Bambam is very, very uncomfortable, suddenly.

At the end of the song, only your boss claps, whistling. “That’s what I call adoration, Defsoul.” She nudges you and you don’t want to lift your head but do it nonetheless. “What do you think?”

You look at the singer, then at Jaebum.

He looks expectant.

“It’s cool. As for the perfume’s concept...” You start and your boss sighs, while Bambam coughs, trying to change the subject.

“How about a fruity scent?” he proposes, “Peaches and Blueberries. Do you like fruity scents?”

The singer nods, her smile wider than the sun. “yes! I like soft notes. I love vanilla!”

You bite your lip, Vanilla, how original.

“Great! From what you told us, you might want the perfume to recreate the feeling of first-love, right? We can work on fruity scents and add a bit of gourmand. It gives a fresh feeling! Caramel touches and... roasted nuts?” Bambam begs you to agree on whatever he says so you can all go and you nod, not because you want to go but because it’s brilliant.

“That sounds lovely!” Leni gets up and bows as a sign of appreciation, while Jaebum smiles at her like she is a kid.

You don’t get what he is doing here.

You hide back to your world when your boss explains how things are going to go, and an hour later, you’re breathing heavily, head over the glass office.

“You okay?” Bambam pats your back and you nod, taking in the feeling of the fresh glass on your burning face.

“Perfect. My life is perfect; can’t you see it?” You laugh bitterly.

You never thought it’d be this hard to meet him again after so long. You never thought it’d hurt so much to smell his scent again.

You most certainly didn’t expect to feel your heart beat so fast it was about to explode.

And oh, don’t you love this Im Jaebum boy.

“Not coming?” Bambam urges, taking the files and sorting folders.

You don’t want to tell him you can’t get away from the lingering scent of Jaebum’s devastating existence.

---

“He met her!” Youngjae is so loud that Jinyoung almost hits the back of his head. “How did it go? Come on, tell us!” “Nothing happened. She hates me, what did you expect?” Jaebum eats more of his sandwich, rolling his eyes at his stupid friend who is wriggling his eyebrows at him.

“The question is, did you feel something?” Jinyoung crosses his legs on the couch, a fry hanging between his pursed lips.

“Don’t make me say it. I swore I’d never talk about her again.”

Jinyoung sighs loudly before grunting. “Don’t make me ask again, Jaebumie.”

Youngjae claps his hands and probes him “You heard him. Don’t make us ask again” he takes the same cold voice and furrows his brows in a not so scary manner.

“What do you want to hear? That I still love her? Is that even a surprise? Yes, okay. I still love her. I never stopped, I can’t get her out of my head, I dream of her, I imagine her every day. Do you feel better? Because it’s actually not a good feeling for me.” Jaebum feels grumpy. Seeing you woke all the feelings he was desperately trying to erase. He doesn’t like the way you ignore him like he is nothing, and hates how he had to expose his ass with a love song, right in front of you.

Jinyoung gives him a thumb up. “Great news! You’ll see her again, right? For whatever you guys have to work on together.”

Jaebum shakes his head, “No, I just went with Leni because she was scared of going alone and her manager couldn’t go. I’m not planning on going again.”

“You are so stupid. You both are so stubborn.”

“She is dating! Listen, I appreciate the attention, but there’s nothing we can do. I wished I had a formula to make her realize that I’m really miserable but there is not solution.” Jaebum feels bad talking about it.

What good is there talking about this when it’s all doomed?

“There goes fatalistic Jaebum again,” Jinyoung whispers to Youngjae who nods, eyeing Jaebum cautiously. “You never met this one, right?”

When Youngjae shakes his head, Jaebum laughs, surprising them both.

“I don’t know why I’m friends with you two.”

“it’s his birthday. His birthday.” Bambam insists but you shake your head.

There’s no way you’ll go to Choi Youngjae’s birthday.

“Jackson, do something!” Bambam stops whatever he is doing in the kitchen to walk back into the living-room.

You’re resting next to a judging Jackson, who’s quick to agree with your assistant.

“It’s a Venice themed party. You can still hide behind these huge ass domino masks. Don’t be a baby, Y/N.”

You look at Jackson, bewildered. “A baby?”

“Yes. I’m sure you can stand in the same room as him. He won’t eat you. I’ll go, too!” Jackson adds. “If anything fishy happens, I’ll take you out of there. Just have fun because I’m this close to throw you in the nearest night-club until you wipe that damn sorrowful expression off of your face.”

Jackson sure is extreme.

“Never. I’ll never go.”

“You came!” The words you said echo in your head as a cheerful Youngjae greets you behind an otter mask. You went. You’re here, with Bambam and Jackson, standing by Youngjae’s door.

“Where is that Venice you told me about?” Bambam is glorious behind that deep red mask, covered in roses and designed by Jackson himself because Ateliers Wang don’t tolerate fashion faux-pas.

“Jinyoung told me that since I am the master of ceremony, I shall stand out. They forced it on me.” Youngjae laughs and Jackson follows, his black leather mask a bit too tendentious.

You all look ridiculous.

“It’s all Italian dishes. Drinks are over there, there’s a waitress in case you need something.” Youngjae sees you all looking at him so he smiles shyly, “This is Jinyoung’s idea, too.”

“That guy is damn tacky.” Jackson whistles when he notices the room, decorated with so many furniture while a music reminds you of some old soap opera.

“Non dimenticar is the name of the song. I didn’t want this but Jin-”

“What do you know about Italian music anyways.” A deep voice cuts him and a man appears from between the bodies. His tuxedo is way too shiny and his mask has shades of deep blue.

He bents to grab your hand and you blink before giving it to him.

He only shakes it though. “I won’t kiss it. I care about my life.” He grins when you don’t understand and adds. “We met already, I believe.” You see the hint of a wink from behind the mask and turn to look at Bambam, who whispers.

“Defsoul’s friend.”

You bow immediately. “I didn’t- You know, the masks.” You laugh stupidly, already grabbing Jackson’s arm for support because you heard the word Defsoul already and you’ve been only here for five minutes.

Jinyoung laughs and it surprises you because it doesn’t suit his appearance. “Just thought it’d be fun. I missed my trip to Italy because of this birthday.”

Youngjae makes a face when Jinyoung’s hand circle his neck. “He likes it, right? You like it?” His tone is already menacing and Youngjae wails, walking away to greet the other guests.

“He is so shy.”

Bambam laughs and taps Jinyoung’s shoulder, “You’re funny, man!” He walks away to greet other guest, mimicking gondolier gestures and dabbing to the beat.

A man stops to talk into Jinyoung’s ear, handing him a cell phone. “Suit yourself! I’ll talk to you later!”

“I’m exhausted already.” You whisper to Jackson who taps your hand, giggling.

“Relax! You’re so tensed. Don’t faint now, we just came.” He teases, taking you to the buffet and forcing food into your mouth.

It’s a pleasing party, you have to admit. Everyone is so chilled and the music makes it easier to think.

You don’t look around too much in fear of meeting Jaebum. Your eyes are glued to Jackson who raises his brows at you from time to time.

You end up dancing with him and he turns you around in the middle of nothing because you’re the only two people really dancing.

It’s feels incredibly good not to care.

“You really have to relax.” He whispers in your ear when you’re both close enough and you pinch his side playfully.

“Less relaxed, definitely less relaxed.” He yelps before Bambam appears, shaking his head incoherently.

“You two are having fun! I see you dancing!” He makes a face so dumb you can even see from behind his mask.

“Yes but I need to pee.” Jackson cuts the mood, a glass of Campari already back in his hands.

“Oh, it’s this way, I’ll show you.” Bambam takes his friend by the hand but you stop them.

“I’ll go with you.” You feel anxious. Last time someone left you alone at Youngjae’s party, it didn’t end well.

They only nod. “Sure, tag along.”

You see so many beautiful people, and you’re almost sure you recognize Leni stunning in a purple costume.

When the bathroom door’s opens Jackson rushes inside. Bambam talks with a girl who seems to love the roses on his mask and you laugh when your assistant tries to get away from her grip.

“I’ll just grab some food.” He explains and you nod, glancing at your hands. So far everything is fine. People are cool, the food is tasty, the cocktails are nice.

It’s great. Why did you even refused to go when Bambam asked-

You lift your head at the odour. It’s subtle but here, mixed with everyone’s else fragrances. You smell it, but when you look around, there is no Jaebum, no matter how much you stare at people’s face.

This one is too small, this one a bit too built, the other dances too much to be him. He is nowhere.

You walk back to lean against the wall and the odour gets stronger. It’s like a spell, and you hate it.

You almost fall when the wall moves, and you soon realize it’s actually a door.

And right now, against all your brain’s alerts, against everything you thought you’d be doing, you push it open, forgetting about the locker being opened in the bathroom, forgetting about Bambam who is coming back with too much food.

It’s too peaceful and the scent is too pleasing, inside.

You close it and behind you there’s nothing but a huge living-room, with a computer on the table and papers scattered around it.

“The party is in the main hall.” The voice startles you, not because you recognize Jaebum, but because it is cracking. You honestly don’t know what to say. All your previous promises to yourself are suddenly gone and there’s only Jaebum, back facing you.

“Did you hear what I just said?” Jaebum turns around because he needs privacy right now, and whoever thought it would be good to invade his personal space shall be beaten.

He doesn’t want to deal with anything.

“Can you please leave?” He asks and you realize he didn’t recognize you.

It’s a good gateway. You can simply go out and pretend you’re not you. You can walk away and everything will be over.

But your feet are frozen. Jaebum’s mask is pure white, with dark eyes.

And there’s a single black tear. Awful on the glossy material.

“Excuse me...?” Jaebum approaches you because you look stupid, right now.

“So- Sorry. I’ll head out.” You blurt and bite your lip when you realize your voice can actually give you out.

Which happens because Jaebum talks before you can grab the doorknob.

“Wait.”

You don’t know why you wait. It’s not like he has any right to stop you.

Or does he?

“...Y/N?” His voice is a tone higher, and you can feel the hope. It hurts because he sounds like a kicked puppy.

“I’ll just head out, sorry for intruding.”

“No, No. I didn’t recognize you.” You hear him laugh timidly and see the mask tilt, like he is analysing the situation. “You came.”

He knows you came. This is exactly why he is locked in here. He never thought he’d go through such anxiety again, but when Jinyoung told him you were here, with your boyfriend, he disappeared.

“Yes.” You simply say, before reaching for the doorknob again.

“No. Just. No. Please.” Jaebum is way too calm, you can hear the panic so evident you’re scared he might collapse any minute.

“You’re not joining...?” You try. He acts like the Jaebum you know, the one who flies away to do horrible things to himself.

“Oh, no, I was, hum, thinking.” He tries to save the situation but he knows he is sniffing too loudly.

“About...?” You want to know. You need to know how he is feeling.

You saw too much of him falling apart to leave him alone, no matter how mad you are and how much you want to hate him.

“A lot of things, actually.” He laughs and sniffs again. He feels stupid, you can feel it.

“Can I... Go? You don’t seem to feel well.” You don’t want to go. Not at all.

Not when Jaebum is in such deep sorrow.

“Oh, I’m okay!” Jaebum lifts a clothed hand, touching his black and white hat. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not fine.” It doesn’t have anything to do with you anymore but hell. Hell with everything.

“I’m not fine.” He confirms, taking you aback. “I’m close to do something I shouldn’t be doing.” His tone is too calm, way too calm. You don’t like this at all.

“Do you need...help?” You start playing with your fingers, stress hidden by your mask.

“You don’t want to help.”

“So why do you want me to stay?” You retort. Is he going to shut you down like he always did? Really?

“I... don’t know. I don’t know!” He rips the mask away and you finally meet his bloodshot eyes, swollen. “I’ll just, deal with it myself.” He walks away and stops by the table, leaning against the chair. “It hurts. I hate that I was able to get rid of all my pain, only to find more on my way back.”

“Why is that?” You’re scared of his answer.

“Why?” he snickers bitterly, turning around, “Do you even want to know why?” His eyes are so deep, so dark, to intense.

You’re so happy your own face is hidden, right now. “Yes.”

Jaebum lifts a brow and nods. “Alright, I’ll tell you.” He walks around the room and when he is close enough to you, he stops.

You look at him, and you don’t want to admit you’re actually shaking.

“I met this girl. She has a job, a flat, and she saw me once, when I was about to kill myself. She took me in and we sort of lived together for a while, but because I was a mess I did all the wrong things. It started from being an ass to taking advantage of her love. She has this amazing attraction over me, because apparently, the only thing special about my glorious being is my scent. Nonetheless, she helped me, the listened to me, she did everything she could. I disappeared the morning after I confessed, because I was scared of breaking her with my suicidal thoughts. So I did my best to heal. I tried to kill myself two times in the process, I fought with my parents, I didn’t see my best friend for a year.”

He stops because he wants to cry but coughs, holding it in.

“I came back a better person, I cleaned the mess in my life, I connected the right dots and finally, I could yell to everyone how good of a person I had become. It felt good, really good to laugh genuinely, to see the peaceful faces of my friends and family. But it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough because I wanted to be with her, but she started to hate me and she still does.”

You gulp silently.

“Eventually I confessed again, I tried, I did everything I could because I thought she would understand that I needed her in my life. I thought she would understand that even though I made a mistake, it was ever my intention to hurt her. I was selfish for once, once in my life, and it cost me something so big I can’t even live with it now. And then, she told me that my mere presence was enough to hurt her. She said that. Like I was some plague. Maybe I’m a plague, maybe everything I did was for nothing because at the end of the day, I still want to jump every fucking bridge or window I see.”

He laughs and he is almost scary.

“But I won’t do it. Now I’m locked and I have to deal with it when I’m almost sure I did nothing wrong. If only she could just hear me out and believe me. If only she could just listen to me for once and let me pour it all out. Is that too much to ask? Am I so repulsive that even the air I breathe is poisoned? Does she hate me so much?”

You feel a tear fall and try to rub it off your face, but you only meet your mask and decide not to embarrass yourself more.

“She does. I know she does. And now, I, again, have to bear with things I can’t even control. I can’t control the fact that I love her. It’s not like I can stop just because I said I would! I can’t, I’m sorry, I can’t. Well, she is even dating now so I can only watch her be happy. I’m fine with it. If she is happy than I shall be happy, right? So, why is it that I’m not? Can you tell me? Why?”

Jaebum seems so confused. Like everything is slipping from between his fingers.

“I don’t know. I really don’t know how I ended like this. I even wrote a love song for her like the fool I am. It might even end up in an awful ukulele song. Who use a ukulele in 2018?”

At some point, you snort even though the situation is not funny.

“I just love her so much I can’t handle it. She is and will always be the most important person in my life, because she loved me in my worst state, she accepted me and took me in. She hugged me to sleep, kissed me, held me, listened to my sorrow. How am I supposed to live without this now? I love Youngjae but, I won’t hug him to sleep. He snores anyways. Yes. I tried to hug him. I’m so ridiculous.”

“Are you done?” He looks so offended when you say that.

“Yes. Sorry. I’m done.” He wipes his face and smiles, but it looks so fake.

“No matter how much you think I hate you, I told you right? You can come to me whenever you feel like doing something bad.”

Jaebum is taken aback by the answer, and makes a face. “Well, last time I came to you, it didn’t go well.”

“I’m sorry.” You say. You want to cry because he is so beautiful and smells so good and said all these things about how he can’t live without you when you thought he didn’t care at all. “I thought you didn’t love me. You acted like you didn’t.”

Jaebum is apparently not about to buy your shit. “I don’t care. I’m telling you, right now, in a Pierrot costume and looking ridiculous, that I’m very, very much in love with you.”

“What do you think you-”

“I know! I know all this, you told me so many times already. It’s done, I can do nothing about that. This talk is useless anyways. Your boyfriend must be looking for you everywhere.” Jaebum knows you so well. He can even predict that you’re about to blame him.

“Jackson broke up with me. Because of you.” You announce.

Jaebum looks even more scared. “No no, there’s no reason to. Is he stupid or what?”

“There is a reason, Jaebum. There’s a reason why I’m standing here listening to you, there’s a reason why I’m not running away, and there’s a reason why I’m telling you I’m single.”

“Why is that?” Jaebum doesn’t want to get his hopes up and even takes a few steps back, frightened by the sudden plot twist.

“Do you even want to know why?” You repeat the same question he asked and he nods, his hat moving along with him.

“Yes.”

It’s about a boy I’m in love with. He has an amazing smell, and at first I didn’t want to let it get to me, but I ended-”

Jaebum walks so fast you don’t even see him approach and he doesn’t even kiss you.

He just hugs you. “It’s going to be too long for me to pay attention. Just, go straight to the point. Don’t be like me.”

You can barely breathe because his scent invades you so much it makes you want to faint, but you hug him back, your mask still glued to your face.

“It’s a story about me being in love with you. Pity you don’t want to hear it.” You mock but lose your smile when Jaebum parts from you to look at your covered face.

You grab your mask and pull it away. “We do look ridiculous, I knew it.”

He laughs and says nothing. He laughs again and again, and you feel his trembling body like he is being shot by electricity.

You don’t know why he doesn’t move, expecting a rather heated kiss.

Jaebum reads your mind well, though. “It needs to be done well.”

“Just one! We did worse.” You mumble, rolling your eyes.

“God, I love you so much.” He grabs your face and his lips land so softly you’re the one pushing against him. It’s not different from the last kiss you shared, but it feels like a discovery. Jaebum presses hot kisses everywhere he can reach, mumbling about how he can’t believe it and how much he loves you and how much he wants to leave this party with you.

You tell him you don’t mind and grab his hand, sprinting into the main hall and ignoring Bambam’s shocked face.

That night, you’re the one hugging Jaebum to sleep in your bed.

And for the first time ever since you met him, you understand.

He smells like completeness.

An : There will be an epilogue because at some point we all need a bit of fluff ;)

[yahxxyy]

You Are What You Are Sensing

Sound

We are surrounded by all kinds of sounds. While we are sitting at the table and trying to do something useful, “my mind adheres to the sounds of myself and my environment. In the distance a bulldozer is eating away a hillside while its motor is a cascade of harmonics defining the space between it and the Rock and Roll radio playing in the next room. Sounds of birds, insects, children’s voices and the rustling of trees fleck this space.” Pauline Oliveros describes this hearing sensitivity which we have all experienced in her Some Sound Observations. We can close our eyes, our mouths, avoid touching, but we cannot resist receiving sound. Does it mean hearing is the most important sense in a way, particularly back to when senses have been evolved and enhanced selectively. Does the inability to “turn off” equate to importance? (Tress) Due to evolutionary process, when we cannot see under some situations like darkness, ears work as main part of the alarming system in our survival mode.

What if there was a lack of consistency of sound and vision in real life? Doppler effect explains a physical phenomenon of how we hear the frequency changing depending on the distance of a moving object. I have known this effect since high school, so it is not very surprising to experience ambulance coming with increasing pitch in real life. But I remember the first time I put on my Sony noise cancelling headphones, I was astonished and terrified. Because the surroundings seems irrelevant to what I was hearing at that moment. My roommate was waving at me, I heard cute girls’ singing from my favourite Kpop girl group; my book dropped, I felt the vibration feedback on the floor after a second but I couldn’t hear it. “Why can’t sound be visible?” (Pauline). While looking at the deaf community, a famous event called ASL SLAM that “offers the stage to audience members to come up and rap, rhapsodize and rehash or just relate in sign language.” From my observation in Sign Language class, our teachers tend to amplify their body movements and facial expressions. Sign Language is “a visual rhythm versus auditory rhythm” and “face accounts for 50% of the grammar,” a visual language that visualizes an audible language. Meanwhile, the base languages strongly affect the sign languages (for instance, there is a requirement of translation from Chinese Sign Language to American Sign Language).

Recently, a very interesting fact I have been aware of is that I can hear old tv’s high frequency (around 16khz). While I was approaching these art pieces consisting of a bunch of old televisions or radios. I felt the blood vessels in the back of my brain and temples pumping really hard, and I got headache and dizzy immediately. This situation is kind of rare, because I am supposed to become less sensitive to this high frequency as an adult. The common hearing of range can be heard by humans is 20 hz to 20,000 hz. A gradual loss of sensibility to hearing, especially higher frequencies, is normally relative to age. A test here: http://www.ultrasonic-ringtones.com/. For such a long time, I took it for granted and had assumed that everyone could hear that. Until that day I complained to my friend about the “noise”, and she looked at me in confusion. This special “gift” bugs me so much. I can hear the buzzes of router, outlet, old telephones, etc. The place where I am currently working as an intern is full of electrical equipments, I feel very uncomfortable being surrounded by these little pure high pitch sound. Sometimes my body reacts. For example, the decreasing interest of diet, loss of concentration, and little blurriness of eyesight. Noise cancelling headphone now is a shelter rather than a gadget of immersive entertainment environment. Is it quite unfair? Why do I need to hear this “noise” and realize that to hear this is an excess of hearing?

Those nights, I hear the hiss of extreme silence and buzzes from the gigantic electrical equipments all around me. I often think of Carver’s novel I Could See The Smallest Things. How can I firmly believe hearing the “smallest things” is hearing “noise”? Just because I can sense more, which means the sound is abnormal and irregular? If we are going to answer the question of what is noise? Many people will possibly hesitate and equivocate, due to the subjectivity of individual senses and feelings. Thus, how do we form the perception of noise? What is the fine line between noise and harmony? Can noise be changed to music? Shall we dispose the noise behind music? The presence of noise music indirectly points out that noise and music are closely intertwined. Noise here works as a expressive use to challenge the conventional fine line between musical and nonmusical elements. Lo-fi music refers to low-quality recording music and intentionally introduces noise into its aesthetics. Environmental interference, misplayed notes and phonographic imperfections. It is the coincidences and flaws that create a warmth of harmonic distortion. Ironically, John Cage claims “everything we do is music”, and William Marx played John’s piece 4’33. What William was doing was close the piano and sat for 4 minutes and 33 seconds. Within the 4’33 “silence”, we can hear every slight sound in the environment. “Listening to music is listening to all noise, realizing that its appropriation and control is a reflection of power…..” Jacques Attali describes the relation of music and noise in his essay, Noise and Politics, and argues that music is “at the heart of the progressive rationalization of aesthetics, and it is a refuge for residual irrationality, it is a means of power and a form of entertainment.”

The first experimental artifact is noise recording. I recorded several noisy scenarios in my daily commute, including waiting for metro, walking on the Broadway, passing through World Trade Center, sitting in the working place. The most interesting reflection is not the recordings, it is actually the recording experience itself. I used to wear my headphones, but didn’t wear it this time. The more focused I was, the more sounds I received, then I got a bit panic and lost sense of direction. An evidence that people can “turn on” their volume of sensitivity. And it is possible to “turn off” hearing when you pay full attention to something and sort of gain the ability to shut others. Another case is that if people have been working in a loud work environment for a long time, it is possible for them to hear sounds “such as small tinklings with the engine” after “overcoming fear of the sound” of jet engines (Pauline). Let’s look at it in an opposite way, what if there is an extremely quiet place and how do people feel about staying in that place? Can Silence Actually Drives You Crazy? The video documented how people feel and react when in the extremely silent room (non-reflective, non-echoing) called Anechoic Chamber in BYU. There are several interesting effects and human reactions to notice according to the interview. Without the reverberation in the room, people might feel they are  in a small room and cause claustrophobia. People might get panic because they used to have these sounds around them. And they will try to make up the sounds so that will probably cause hallucination. Most hear the sounds of their bodies, like blood vessels, fluids, heart beat. When you get out of the space, you might be aware of that you are become more sensitive to the world.

In Perfect Hearing, Nubar Alexanian actually considers his tinnitus, somehow, as a grateful thing. The documentary recreates what Nubar is hearing daily. A loud and steady pure tone like La Monte Young’s piece, The Second Dream of the High Tension Wire. “You just have to gonna live with it.” The first doctor he met told him to get used to his tinnitus, because there is no cure for this. Abby, Nubar’s daughter whose hearing loss affected her pronunciation of certain words, said she could not imagine having this tone in her hearing, but then thought it was quite interesting. “It’s not that bad……I haven’t really lived with perfect hearing ever, so I can’t compare……you couldn’t imagine this in your hearing, and I can’t image tinnitus.” Sometimes, she wonders what is like to hear everything perfectly, to “have that entire sound of every, like, aspect of someone’s voice, or music, every note…... would be incredible to me.” An extra, a loss. What is a moderate hearing, or often regarded as perfect hearing?

Light

“Light” is another very interesting topic to look at. What is behind our visual perception? How does light affect our emotions? The metaphor of freedom, hope, liberty. How do lights say hello to each other? In the darkest place. (Shuo Wang) But when lights encounter, there is no darkness. My favourite color is “green”, I tend to choose green clothes, accessories, and gadgets unconsciously, why is that? What is the history behind green? Why does nature use green as its representative color? To ask the first question, I need to find the root by segregating it to several sub-questions: why do people like a specific color? How does color affect people’s mood? What is the color that most people in favor of?

The field trip to Dia: Beacon is very inspiring, bringing me fresh new perspectives to light and space. Because I have never thought of how audience’s involvement can strongly shape the experience of a art piece. The questions of subject-object relations, how “subject’s encounter with his or her surroundings prompts larger revelations about the nature of perception itself.” I was asked to create a prototype to experiment with light. While I was playing around with light and shape, I actually came up with a thinking: is shadow the encounter/interface of light and physical objects? Every night, the cars passes and throws a light to my wall through the shutters. I like the way how light justifies my physical existence through shadows. Shadows amplifies slight vibrations and moves. In this experiment, we can see the monofilament is almost invisible in the light, but only visible in the shadow. I found most of my thoughts following the idea of mediating place, the disruption and intervention through light. I am quite interested in disorienting and dislocating space to create a sense of tension and instability by manipulating light.

Reflection

We are what we are sensing. Our experience of sensing, a primary research of the world, is the scope of our understanding. I was thinking to create an art installation or a wearable hearing aid to expand (“expand” here is not only referring to “add”) people’s hearing. The incorporation of light is uncertain at this phase. The Electrical Walks created by Christina Kubisch is a good approach to reveal hidden phenomenon and bring awareness to the public.