#dad!cullen rutherford

[somethingblu3]

Little Moments Of Doubt

Repost Read on AO3 here.

18+ minors dni.

Fandom: Dragon Age, Dragon Age Inquisition.

Summary:

Cullen has a moment of doubt about Kendra's pregnancy. cheesiness abound.

TW: Pregnancy, Pregnancy Doubt, Unplanned Pregnancy, Pregnancy Regret, Implied/Referenced Abortion/ Pregnant Inquisitor, Implied Breeding Kink, Mentions of no Condom Sex, Reiljious Guilt/Trauma,

Pairing: Cullen Rutherford x Original Female Character (Kendra Lavellan)

Word Count: 943

Divider Credit: cherienymphe.

“This was a mistake,” Cullen said firmly “I’m sorry”

“Cullen” Kendra stressed.

He was having one of those moods again. Those moods where everything was wrong and it was all his fault yet Kendra knew it was the furthest from the truth.

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have indulged in my fantasies I-” He stuttered.

Kendra’s heart ached. Cullen had repressed his feelings from the moment she knew him. It took him almost two years to finally accept his feelings for her. And when he finally did a sense of relief washed over them. Their friends, especially Dorian, had known it for years, yet Cullen’s fear held him back like it did now. It held him back in the bedroom too Kendra was certain that during their cuddle sessions after sex, he was praying to Andraste begging her to forgive him of his sins. It was all quite sad really. Their session last month went further than they typically went but Kendra didn’t mind - she wanted it. Creators she craved all of him inside of her burying deep inside her sweet cunt. During Dirty talk Cullen let slip that he wanted her to feel his flesh. He wanted her to feel his seed growing inside of her until she was ready to burst with child and Kendra happily indulged.

When he got up this morning for his run her handprints and bitemarks were still fresh she couldn’t help but smile at her handywork she had never experienced that level of lovemaking it was intense yet also just as passionate at the same time. She knew that it would be a while until she experienced that again him inside of her with no restrictions no condoms just flesh on flesh as The Creators had intended. He was hard at first Kendra was almost worried that he wasn’t going to fit in despite being average-sized but in the end, they finally got there.. She knew that the next time he would be on a work trip when she would be all alone stuck in their apartment that would be her masturbation material. She smirked as her eyes caught a glimpse of the still cum-stained Dildo Cullen had used on her last night. Kendra was still in the early stages of her pregnancy yet they had already needed to be more creative with positions.

Plus Cullen wouldn’t stop treating her like a delicate little flower and it was frustrating her to no end. Of course, it was nice that he cared but at the same time, she wasn’t a doll she wasn’t going to break under his touch no matter how much he had seemed to believe that. She was always aware that through each session she could have possibly ended up pregnant there was always a chance even with birth control.

While the thought of pregnancy scared her to death she also knew that Cullen would be a great father no matter what even if he didn’t quite believe it himself that was what gave her a sense of peace at night. Kendra lowered her head. She didn’t want to press any longer she knew that if she gave the option of terminating the pregnancy Cullen would say yes but then in the morning he would regret it in a heartbeat.

“Cullen…Go to sleep you’ll feel better about this in the morning” She tried to calm him.

“But what if I don’t? What if I wake up and I still feel the same way about this?” He paused and waved his hand down at her pregnant belly which wasn’t even showing yet but she couldn’t even fit into her favorite pair of jeans.

“We’re not ready to be parents Ken. We’re drowning in debt. And what if we mess up? Mess up like my Dad did. I would never forgive myself and you know that” He wailed

Kendra pulled Cullen closer even as he wallowed her fingers intertwined in his blond locks.

“Look we’ll get through this,” She said softly as she kissed his forehead gently.

“How are you so optimistic about this?” Cullen asked as he looked up at her.

Amazement sparkled in his eyes.

“You're the one who’ll actually have to give birth” He reminded her.

Kendra smiled “I’m optimistic because I know whatever The Creators have planned for us we can face it we always have. I’m lucky remember?” She asked as he tugged at her necklace with her thumb twirling around Cullen’s lucky gold coin the one that he had given to her at the lake.

“Maker your such a cheeseball” Cullen complained as he shook his head.

"There's nothing wrong about being cheesy every now and then" Kendra teased as she witnessed a soft smile grow over his lips.

“Speaking of Chese do we still have any of that Brie left Alistair bought us from Val Royeaux?” Kendra asked.

Cheese had been her first and strongest craving so far and she blamed Alistair almost entirely.

Cullen’s cheeks turned a deep shade of red “About that-”

“Cullen” Kendra whined as she swatted him gently.

Cullen got up from the bed and kissed her right cheek pulling back with a smile.

“Don’t worry dear why don’t I go to the corner shop and get you some more while I clear this head of mine?” He asked

“Alright then. I love you” She sighed as she slithered back under the warm covers.

“I love you too. The both of you my tiny little cheeseballs” Cullen murmured as he placed his hand on her stomach ever so gently.

Fine. Kendra reminded herself as her breathing slowed and sleep overtook her. They would be fine.

[binabees]

Elvish Accents

[greypetrel]

Be merry swete lorde, my swete knyght, In my bele chose, you fynde alle delyght. (🎶)

It's been sitting in my WIP folder for ages, it was about time I finished it. It's been a little since I last drew them so here you go, someone is very happy the bae is feeling better enough to put up some weight.

[pookydraws]

Oops!

[ndostairlyrium]

The more the furrier 💛

Bonus:

[bellamer]

An ultimate “fuck you” to Greg Ellis would be to have Cullen mentioned in Veilguard and they’re asking the Inquisitor where her husband is and Inquisitor says “Oh, at home with the baby. He wanted to come but giving birth took such a toll on him I had him stay home. I want to get this over with so I can come home to them”. Or even better “Cullen wanted to be by my side but he’s due any day now so he’s staying home. Let’s finish this so I can get home in time before the baby gets here”

And no one questions it.

Just turn Cullen into a trans seahorse dad and watch that dildo Greg Ellis collapse on Twitter about it and he can’t do shit about it but cry. He’d probably go to JK Rowlings house and they’ll seethe in her mold infested apartment

And just like the more we interact with Inquisitor just let her mention the letters she got from Cullen like “Cullen says our baby is healthy and happy but he can tell they miss me… I just want to go home soon” or “Cullen says they’re due any day now… Maker let me get there in time…”

It’s not gonna happen most likely but it’ll happen in my head

[charmedcleric]

Cullen with his and my inkys daughter Elora 💕

A little bit of lore under the cut

—

Much like himself, Cullens daughter Elora suffers from nightmares. The nights when she wakes crying, the only way she can go back to sleep is if she is rocked back to sleep by the fireplace and then carried back to bed.

These nightmares have gotten worse since Maeve has left to go help rook. It breaks Cullens heart to see his daughter so distressed but he promises her that mum will be back soon.

He tells her that it’s okay to be worried but reassures her that her mum is the strongest woman he knows and that she will be okay. It’s not much but it helps to soothe his daughters worries.

[pinayelf]

I need dad Cullen headcanons ellie pls I’m begging

you literally do not have to beg its all I think about 😭😭😭

post-retirement cullen really gets into baking. he finds the old recipes his parents had cause Mia kept them. he bakes bbs cakes and pies all the time 🥺

dad!cullen has long curly hair and a beard no I do not take criticism

everytime he goes to the market ilao begs to tag along cause she must be with papae always and they always get immy flowers when they get back

during the peak of winter when it's really cold, ilao, araw and luningning all snuggle with papae under his mantle. and ofc immy joins in

cullen was gifted a book of fereldan folk tales by his aunt and uncle when he was a kid so he reads from that to his bbs ❤️

cullen mightve been a strict and no nonsense general but IN MY HEART he's a softie as a dad and his kids have him wrapped around their fingers

ilao inherited his lovely voice so she and papae write and sing songs together. they put on concerts for mamae and the other bbs

cullen sings the bbs to sleep, especially when they've had nightmares or are just having trouble falling asleep

with every kid, cullen was so excited to show them off after they were born. he was p much like "EVERYONE LOOK AT MY BABY 🥺🥺🥺❤️❤️❤️"

cullen always dreamed of being a dad, but he never thought it would be possible because where he ended up in life. so now that he is, he gives his all and loves every single one of his kids unconditionally. them and immy are his life 😭😭😭

[shivunin]

Structural Integrity

In which Cullen builds a pillow fort

23 Drakonis, 9:51 Dragon

A storm raged outside. It scraped dry winter branches over the windows and rattled the window panes until it was difficult to think straight over the noise. 

Cullen wandered from room to room, frowning. He was almost certain his daughter had been in the library with the mabari, but she was utterly absent now. With the staff off for the day—neither he nor Lavellan had wanted anyone to have to travel in this mess—she could truly be anywhere. If he’d learned anything in her first five years of her life, it was that if Adhlea really wanted to get into something, she was going to do it eventually. 

He could only hope she hadn’t wanted to get into something like…the great hearth in the kitchen or, oh, the various trunks throughout the house where he’d locked up all the weapons. 

“Adhlea,” he called at last, frowning, crouching to glance under the dining room table. No, not there either. Hm. 

Perhaps he was going about this all wrong. 

Cullen stood, set his first two fingers in his mouth, and whistled hard. Distantly, on the second floor, there was a sharp cry and then the sound of skittering feet. Sylvas raced down the stairs to Cullen and skidded to a stop several feet past him in the dining room. 

“All right, then,” Cullen said, reaching out to pat the hound’s head, “Where is she, hmm?” 

Sylvas nudged his knee, then turned back to the stairs. Cullen followed him all the way upstairs and into Adhlea’s bedroom, directly opposite his and Emma’s. Odd. Adhlea disdained to spend very much time in her bedroom, ever suspicious of urgings to take a nap or go to bed for the evening. If there was anything his daughter hated, it was missing out on something that might be happening in another room. Maker, if she didn’t have his undivided attention at the end of the day, he didn’t think she’d go to bed at all. 

“Adhlea?” he said quietly, in case she actually had fallen asleep somehow, and nudged the door the rest of the way open. 

His first, startled reaction was to think that there had been some sort of burglary. The room was in disarray, the blankets and pillows stripped from the bed and discarded around the room, various pieces of furniture tipped over, and a trampled path from the hearth to the doorway. 

“Papa?” a tremulous voice said from the hearth, and he picked his way over the treacherous terrain to the blanket draped over a chair on that side of the room. 

“Are you all right?” he asked, lifting the hem and peering inside. 

Adhlea was curled up under the chair, face streaked with tears, and her golden hair was tousled. As soon as he came into view, she scrambled out from under the chair and threw herself into his lap. Her little body was trembling with suppressed sobs, but her arms were iron around his neck. Cullen batted the fluttering blanket away and sank onto the floor, wincing when he sat on something hard. He fished it out from beneath him—a toy soldier carved of wood, it was, from one of her various aunts and uncles—and tossed it aside. 

“What is it?” he asked, smoothing a hand over her mass of hair, “What happened?” 

A strong gust of wind sounded outside, rattling a tree branch against the window, and Adhlea groaned against his neck. 

Ah. 

“It sounds very scary, doesn’t it?” he said gently, squeezing her tightly for a moment, “But it won’t hurt you. Come; let me show you.”

“No!” she said, squeezing herself even closer, but Cullen stood anyway and went to the window. Her curtains were thick and warded with magic—her privacy and safety were paramount to them—but he could still balance her on his hip and hold the fabric aside with relative ease. 

Outside, the late afternoon was grey and dim, snow piled against the houses and settled in thick drifts on the street. The tree outside her window was heavy with it, its skeletal branches weighed down in thick, unfamiliar shapes. As they watched, wind blew it against the house, making that awful scraping noise again. Chunks of snow came loose, falling to the snowdrifts below and making little holes in the powder. Wind and snow filled them quickly, building up the breaks in the lines of snow packed onto the branches, and the whole process repeated when the wind blew hard again. 

Adhlea had been trembling when he opened the curtains, but gradually she stilled and loosened her arms around his neck. 

“Just a tree?” she said doubtfully, and he smiled. 

“Just a tree. But it sounded like something else, didn’t it?”

“A big mean dragon,” she said in a hushed voice, tipping her head back to look at him, “Uncle Varrit says Mamae fighted a dragon and it almost eated her up.”

Varric. He’d told the man to wait until she was older for all that, but he couldn’t seem to help himself. Cullen sighed inwardly and carried his daughter to the door. 

“Maybe she’ll tell you all about it someday,” he said, “Now, where is your lion?” 

He let her go when she squirmed, and for a moment she was all limbs as she raced across the room to thrust a hand beneath the blanket. She emerged a moment later, stuffed lion in hand, and clutched it to her chest when she raced back. He held out a hand to her and she took it, her tiny palm all but engulfed in his. Now, as often happened, he felt that odd tug in his chest, the urge to scoop her up in his arms and put himself bodily between her and the dangers of the world. 

As if such a thing would help. Cullen pushed the urge away and looked down at her. 

“Were you trying to hide?” he asked. She shook her head emphatically, curls and waves bouncing at the motion. 

“Were you…building a fort?” he asked. She nodded. 

“Ah,” he said, glancing back at the blanket draped over the chair. It was slowly slipping off to pool on the floor, leaving the chair misplaced and crooked before the banked hearth. 

“It’s not very structurally sound,” he said, “You see how it’s fallen down?” 

She glanced back at it, pulling her little lion tighter to her chest.

“Come on,” he said, “We’ll go to the library. It’s much bigger. I can show you how to make it better next time.” 

Adhlea considered this a moment, surveying the wreckage of her room, and at last she lifted her eyes to his. 

“Together?” she said, the th sounding far more like an f since she’d knocked one of her front teeth out trying to sled down the stairs a month ago. 

“Of course,” he said, smiling down at her, and she bounced. 

“Let’s go!” she said, and so they went. 

|

Emmaera had been reading by the fire, attention focused on Varric’s latest prose, when she heard the soft thump of fabric dropped from above. She lifted her eyes from the book and found her daughter’s bedspread, thick and green and draped messily over the other couch. 

A giggle from above. She looked up, only to see the poof of her daughter’s hair disappearing around the corner and into the hallway to their bedrooms. 

Hmm. 

She weighed whether she needed to go check on this for a moment, book resting on her chest. Before she could make a decision, a ball of bedding with her husband’s legs walked back around the corner and dropped the mass from the second floor railing. 

“Redecorating?” she asked, and Cullen grinned down at her. His face was slightly flushed, his hair messy and loose. 

“We,”  Cullen said, just as Adhlea dashed back around the corner, her back bent by the weight of two pillows, “are building a fort.”

“Hah!” the little one said, hurling one pillow with all her might. It hit the railing and bounced back, knocking her to the ground. Emma braced herself for tears, but Adhlea laughed instead, and Cullen laughed with her. 

Oh, he was beautiful; she only ever saw him look this young and carefree with their daughter, the years and stresses of his life melted away by the simple joy of her presence. 

“Here, now,” Cullen said, crouching and lifting their daughter, pillows and all. She hurled both pillows with glee, and they bounced from the blanket-covered couch one after the other, tumbling into each other and to the floor. 

“More!” Adhlea said, lifting two small fists into the air, and Cullen set her back on the carpet. Adhlea raced back into the hallway, vanishing almost at once. Cullen looked down at Emma over the iron railing. 

“Seems rather haphazard to me,” she told him, and he raised his eyebrows. 

“Just you wait,” he said, “It will be a marvel of engineering when she and I are done.”

“Oh,” Emma said, grinning, “My mistake. Carry on, then, Commander.” 

He smiled down at her—and if he only looked young when he was with their daughter, he only looked like that when he looked at Emma—and disappeared around the corner again. Emma heard the clatter of distant objects falling and shook her head. If someone screamed, she would be concerned, but until then she had a book to read. She lifted the volume from her chest, smiling to herself, and read on. 

|

“I think this might be sufficient,” Cullen said at long last, absently reaching to rest his hands on a sword hilt that wasn’t there. He settled his hands on his hips instead, surveying their extensive creation. Adhlea had shooed her mother from her perch by the fireplace, so Emma sat by the window now, occasionally casting them amused looks from behind her book. 

He glanced down at his daughter, who also had her hands planted on her hips, looking at the draping cloth with a little wrinkle between her eyebrows. Emma insisted Adhlea looked just like him, but whenever Adhlea concentrated he could only see Emma in her face. The little frown about her eyes, the crooked way she held her mouth when she was displeased—those were all her mother. 

He had to admit that the hair and the nose were all his, though. 

“It’s issicient,” Adhlea proclaimed, nodding firmly, and Cullen smiled. 

“Well,” he amended, “there is only really one way to know for sure.” 

Adhlea looked up at him, and he regarded her as solemnly as he’d once regarded his new recruits.

“We shall have to battle test it,” he said, and from the corner of his eye he saw Emma set her book down on the windowsill. 

“Cullen,” Emma said, a warning note in her voice, but Adhlea’s eyes had gone large with delight. 

“Battlest!” she said, bouncing once. 

“Yes,” Cullen said, looking up at his wife, who’d narrowed her eyes at him, “I think a dragon attack would be best, don’t you? And my brave knight will help me protect the battlements.” 

Adhlea, who’d gone a bit still when he said “dragon,” perked up again. 

“A knight?” she said, “With an ammor and a swort?”

“Well,” Cullen amended when Emma shook her head behind Adhlea, “Perhaps just the helmet and the big axe your uncle Bull sent for Wintersend, hm?” 

Adhlea squeaked with delight and darted away, heading straight for the little trunk in the corner where she kept her toys and treasures. Her “big axe” was about the length of Cullen’s forearm, with a wooden haft and a leather blade. It hurt if swung with sufficient force, but thus far Adhlea was really only succeeding at hitting someone on accident no matter how hard she tried. After they’d firmly banned her from chasing poor Sylvas with it, there had been very few accidents. 

“Cullen,” Emma said from just behind him, resting her hand on his arm, “Are you sure about this?”

“Hmm,” he said, turning to wrap an arm around her waist, and lowered his voice, “She was frightened of the trees. Said it was a dragon outside the window. I thought perhaps this…”

“I see,” she said, and lifted her face to be kissed. He obliged her with a quiet fondness, and they parted a moment later. 

“And I am to be the dragon, I assume?” she said. Cullen smiled sheepishly.

“If you don’t mind.” 

Emma sighed with exaggeration, lifting her eyes to the heavens, but there was a crooked smile on her lips that told him she didn’t really mind. 

“Then I will have to be properly fearsome,” she said, dropping her voice to a whisper as Adhlea approached, haphazardly juggling Cullen’s old lion helmet and her big axe, “or the whole exercise will be moot.” 

“Whas a moot?” Adhlea asked, and Emma knelt to help her with the helmet. 

Adhlea had loved the helmet since she’d first seen it a year ago. Emma had been cleaning out an old trunk and had set it aside absently, and Adhlea was immediately taken with it. She could only lift it if she really tried, but that didn’t seem to slow her down. At last, Emma had taken it to an armorer to have a softer interior added. The outside of the helmet had not been altered, so it rested more or less comfortably on her tiny head now, though it made her head comically large and she still had to tilt her head back to see between the jaws because the eyeholes rested somewhere over her forehead. Its mane tumbled black and red down her back, made somewhat ragged with time, but this did not seem to bother Adhlea at all. 

“It’s like a big pond around a castle,” Emma told Adhlea, “To keep people out. But you can’t have one around this fort. We’d have to dig a very big hole and then we couldn’t have a library anymore.”

Emma winked at Cullen, who smiled and crouched. 

“Alright, Ser Knight,” he said, “To our defenses! The enemy approaches!” 

Adhlea gasped and darted beneath the lifted span of blankets, and after one more peck on his wife’s cheek Cullen followed after. 

It was time to test the fort’s structural integrity. He was absolutely certain it would hold—at least long enough for them to make a proper show of it. 

|

The villagers were in dire peril. 

Adhlea crawled toward them, breathing hard at the weight of the helmet on her head and the discomfort of the axe tucked into her belt. It was her sworn duty to protect the people of this realm, and the dragon had come to take them all away and eat them up. If she didn’t reach them first, they would be lost forever. 

“I’ll save you!” she told them, sweeping some of them into her arms, and painstakingly began to crawl backward again. One, a little soldier, poked her arm uncomfortably, but the cloth of the rest squished softly in her arms. 

“Ser Knight!” the Commander called behind her, “The creature nears! Hurry, we must prepare the trebuchets!” 

Adhlea couldn’t remember what a trebuchet was, or what one might use it for, but the villagers seemed safe enough under the couch. She rose unsteadily to her feet and dashed to the Commander’s aid. 

The ceiling of their keep hung above them, glowing rose-pink with firelight, and she carefully peered through the crack of it to the dragon’s wasteland beyond. Mists filled the room, hiding the dragon away, and the Commander called for her attention again. 

Right! She needed to help him. 

Adhlea dashed forward, peeking through each crack in their defenses as she passed. No sign of the dragon, but it had to be near. She could hear it somewhere beyond the walls, watching. 

Waiting. 

For a moment, the fear curled itself around her ribs again, just as it had earlier. The fear of something unseen and just out of reach, scraping at the window. It was—

“Ser Knight! It’s attacking our defenses!”

The brave Commander!

Adhlea repositioned her helmet and dashed forward. The Commander waited there, peering through the fortifications and into the mist. Beyond their borders, something stirred, and as she watched he loosed a rock into the mysterious beyond. Something screeched out there, something huge, and all at once ice was sweeping toward them. 

“Down!” the Commander called, and they ducked behind the walls just in time. Adhlea felt its icy touch along the back of her neck, the kiss of certain death. 

“We can’t take much more of this,” he told her, his face very serious, “What should we do, Knight?” 

Adhlea thought as quickly as she could, as the walls shook around them and the dragon swept past the walls again. She wouldn’t be able to see out there; she couldn’t track it down alone, and her trusty steed was lost, packed away in the trunk—er, its stall. What could she do? 

Wide-eyed, she searched his face, as if a plan might be written there. He looked back at her expectantly, and ice shot over the barricades once more. 

Of course! 

Of course, that was it!

“I know!” she said, bouncing onto her toes and unbalancing herself. The Commander set her gently back to the side and waited, watching her intently. 

“The dragon wants to eat you up,” she whispered quickly, tugging on his arm, “If you can make it look at you, I can sneak up behind it and defeat it once and for all!” 

The corner of his mouth jumped—maybe in determination—and he nodded solemnly. 

“I shall gladly sacrifice myself to protect the keep, Ser Knight,” he said, and Adhlea held him in place, alarmed. 

“No!” she said, “No, no, no! You just distract it, Papa, not the other thing!” 

“Oh,” he said, eyes widening, “Of course, ah, Knight. I will distract it.” 

The brave knight nodded, the world settling back into its proper forms. 

“When I count to three, you jump out, and then I will get its knees.”

He nodded his agreement, and she hid herself away in the shadows of the walls. 

Another roar, and the Commander watched her. 

“One,” Adhlea said, and the walls shuddered as another blast tore past them. 

“Two,” she said, and the far end of the fort—opposite the townsfolk, who were safe under the couch—collapsed in on itself. 

“Three!” she yelled. 

The Commander pushed through the gates and called out, just as another sweep of ice rushed toward Adhlea’s hiding spot. Quick as a fox, she tucked herself away, and the ice blew past. 

Fast, fast, or the Commander would be lost! Adhlea drew her weapon and leapt forth with a mighty roar (like a lion, just like a lion, like mamae always said). The dragon was reaching for the Commander, swiping for him as he dodged, and just as they’d planned Adhlea leapt in from behind. Adhlea didn’t know if the dragon saw her in those last moments, with its spiky head in the way, but she hit it in the back of the knee with all her might. 

“Ow!” the dragon said, “Ah—arrrrrrrrrrgh!”

The monster went down in a rush of sparks, and as the sparks lifted into the air they dispelled the mysterious fog that had filled the room. Adhlea waited for it to fall, then drew back and struck it in the wing, just to be sure. You never know when a dragon is just faking, after all. 

“I think you’ve killed it, brave knight,” the Commander said, eyeing her giant axe, “Ah—the kingdom is saved! And the fort is still…more or less intact! Hooray!”

“Hooray!” Adhlea echoed, lifting both hands over her head and jumping in place. 

The Commander swept her up in his arms, then settled her on his shoulders. The world looked so different from up here, the room resolving itself into shapes at once familiar and very strange to her. When at last her mother stood up, wincing slightly, Adhlea was shocked to realize how much smaller she was from here. 

“Mamae, you’re so little!” she said, “Papa, did you know?” 

Under her legs, her Papa’s shoulders shook and she grabbed two handfuls of his hair to keep herself in place. 

“Oof,” he said, “Adhlea, that hurts. Softer hands, please.”

“Sorry,” she said, patting his head, which also looked very strange from above, “But you were moving!”

“I suppose I was,” he said, and she couldn’t see his face but Mamae must have thought it was funny. She was laughing too, her hand not quite covering her mouth. All at once, Adhlea remembered that she had an audience of two, not one, and brightened. 

“Mamae, did you see what I did?” she asked, rocking forward slightly. Her Papa reached up to steady her, then lifted her down instead. Adhlea hardly noticed, focused as she was on catching her mother’s attention. 

“Did you see?” she said again, wrapping her arms around her mamae’s leg, “I saved everybody!”

“I saw, ma vherain,” her mamae said, and crouched to look at her, “You were very, very brave.”

Her mother reached out and stroked several curls away from her face, tucking them back behind her ear. Her mamae had the best hand in the whole world, very soft and strong, and now it cupped Adhlea’s face. 

“Brave warriors deserve a reward,” she said with a smile, “what do you think?” 

This last piece she directed over Adhlea’s shoulder, where Papa still stood. 

“I think cocoa might be in order,” he said solemnly, and Adhlea gasped. 

Cocoa was a rare and special treat, sent by her Aunt Josie from a land very far away. They only ever drank it on very special occasions, like holidays or birthdays. She hadn’t had any at all since Wintersend, even though it had been much colder than usual this year. 

“Come, ma vherain,” her mamae said, and offered her hand, “Let us read by the fire while your Papa finds the cocoa.”

Adhlea, filled with a warm, golden glow that knew no fear, took her mother’s hand and went. 

|

Much later, Cullen wrapped an arm over Emma’s shoulders and surveyed their daughter, who lay in a heap near the fire. She’d opted to use Sylvas as a pillow, and thankfully the hound didn’t seem to mind his new role too much.

“Down at last,” he murmured into his wife’s ear, and she chuckled quietly. 

“I should hope so. I’ll have bruises from that, just you wait.” 

“I’m sorry,” Cullen told her, chagrined, and peered down at her lap as if he could divine the extent of her injury that way, “I didn’t think she’d take it quite that seriously.”

Emma shrugged, her shoulder shifting under his arm, and leaned her head against his chest. Her hair tickled his chin, but Cullen didn’t move it away. He liked the way it felt to hold her like this, and he could bear a mild discomfort in exchange for the greater pleasure of feeling Emma’s warmth in his arms. 

“Just a bruise,” she said, yawning, “I believe I shall make it after all, Commander, though you may have to carry me upstairs.”

“You know,” he said, pressing a kiss to her temple, then brushing her hair aside so he could add another just below, “I believe our Adhlea said much the same thing to me earlier.”

Emma snorted, but her eyes had already fluttered closed, the lashes dark and fine against her cheek. The firelight gilded the edges of them, dark though they were, and the rest of the room as well. All of it took on a soft golden haze, the likes of which he knew he would treasure later. A simple afternoon of draping and pinning blankets they would now have to carry back upstairs, but his heart was full of it even so. Or rather, full of them—for his whole world might as well be in this room. 

“Go to sleep, love,” he murmured, pressing softer kisses along the curve of her cheek and settling her more comfortably in his lap, “I’ll take care of the rest.”

Emma murmured something, though Cullen could not properly make it out, but she was so plainly asleep that he didn’t try to ask her what she meant. He sat still instead, holding his wife, listening to her light snores and to the soft, even breath of his daughter before the fire. 

Outside, the storm raged on, branches clicking against the windows and walls, but the library around them was warm and cozy, draped from railing to rug with blankets and pillows. Cullen supposed he ought to get up, ought to set it all to rights, but—

Perhaps for now, such disarray was worth leaving alone. It would take time to undo the mass of it—it was as structurally sound as he’d been able to make it, after all—and the sight of the chaos reminded him of Adhlea’s delight in building it. 

Yes, he decided, pressing one more kiss to Emma’s forehead, he would leave it like this—for a little longer at least—and hold her instead while the storm outside blew past. 

|

An entry in a leatherbound book left open on the windowsill in Comtesse Lavellan’s library:

“Two hours it took to undo the knots on the upper railing, and Torsa berating me for half of it. I cannot complain; I cannot think of an afternoon better spent than the one we had together yesterday. Even so—perhaps next time I shall put a little less effort into maintaining the knots. I have learned my lesson.” 

Below the entry is a rough drawing, which appears to depict a tall person with flowing hair and a huge axe. Underneath the drawing in misshapen letters is a brief description: 

Sr Nyte Adhlea

|

By all rights, I should've waited to add this to Book of Memories on AO3, but it's just so cozy and I couldn't resist! If you're still reading this far, hope you enjoyed and that you are safe and warm this weekend :)

[persephoneggsy]

My dragon age ships and their taste in movies for no reason at all:

Fiora Cousland x Alistair Theirin

Fiora likes comedies - the more absurd, the better. She’s very into Monty Python/Mel Brooks movies. Alistair, on the other hand, has a huge soft spot for romcoms, even if Fiora finds all the relationship drama a little convoluted. 

He’s just a big ol’ softie at heart and he always cries at the happy endings. Do NOT bring up The Notebook to him. He will rant. Fiora’s heard it about twenty times (because Morrigan loves to troll Alistair by constantly bringing it up).

Marian Hawke x Sebastian Vael

Maybe this is bc at this point I just like to project on him, but in my heart I know Sebastian would love science fiction. His favorite video game series is Mass Effect, so his favorite movies are any of the Star Treks, particularly First Contact. 

This puts him comically at odds with Marian, who is a Star Wars girl through and through (she unironically loves the prequels and probably had a crush on Anakin Skywalker as a kid). Other than that, I can see them liking the whimsicality of Disney animated films. 

Hildegarde Trevelyan x Cullen Rutherford

Hildegarde loves historical dramas, period pieces, etc, though she’s a stickler for historical accuracy so she’s a bit hard to please. Cullen just likes watching the battle scenes. 

For his part, I see Cullen as a mystery/whodunnit enthusiast who likes to try and guess the murderer before the end (he’s got a 75% accuracy score... Hilde has a 90%). I also like thinking Cullen likes old Hollywood-style musicals, and introduces Hilde to them on one of their earliest dates.

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

The fact I have to use multiple headcanons for some characters to make them palatable is bullshit.

Sorry this is a 3am rant as I am doing nights and am the half awake type.

But this specifically is about Cullen Rutherford and how in canon he’s a bitch ass. And Oghren to actually. Also a bitch ass.

But these characters have so much damn potential I wanna SCREAM.

Cullen is a character who is set up to be a creep in the first game. He has a crush on one of his prisoners and when the tower is taken by magic and he is tormented we see him break. In DA2, he’s a magic hating asshole who stands up in the final second against his boss. In DAI he’s the commander who gives lip service to changing but hasn’t.

This entire saga has me going; BUT WHAT IF?!

I think I ranted about this before but Cullen in DA2 could have been so much cooler if we saw him slowly have a come to Andraste sort of story. In the beginning he’s running on his trauma. Hates magic. Can’t see mages as people because it means then people hurt him and he can’t do it.

But then he begins looking around. Maybe Meredith says something or he sees how his men flinch when he’s around. He begins actually seeing things in the Circle that kind of go: wait. The Ferelden Circle tower wasn’t as bad as Kirkwall. Not good no, but Kirkwall is hell.

Cullen seeing the trauma of a young girl being made tranquil. Seeing a Templar abuse her. Stepping in and then… Meredith does nothing. Denotes the man but doesn’t care. Cullen, who was at mercy of demons for days, who was taunted with an image of a woman he fancied himself in love with… he watches and can’t understand it.

He hears of the Tranquil solution. Hears someone whisper of Alrik after and he… he can’t. He can’t do that. Talks to Meredith who dismisses it. Whose insanity sparks in her eyes. Who talks of mages are vermin.

Cullen wonders if he was like that.

I want an actual damn redemption arch for Cullen, and I would love to explore more of ‘the Chantry abuses the Templars to’ with their purposeful forced addiction and how awful it is to come off it. Having Cullen see how Samson is, seeing him so sick… it should be a moment where we see this man truly question things.

Then DAI. I want Cullen to have earned his position. I want him to talk about how he knows he has biases due to the tower and the demons. I want him to tell the Herald ‘I sometimes relapse. Just tell me’

I still want a voice to argue for the Templars but I want Cullen to argue about Tevinter and that dealing with slavers is never wise. I want us to see Cullen terrified of magic and him having to combat the feelings.

I want Cullen to have a slow horrific retaliation of the Chantry as he comes off lyrium but still can use his Templar powers. I want him to choke it out, shaking, that he has been lied to.

I want an actual redemption and him truly trying to redeem himself. I headcanon it all the time when playing because it is the only way I can put up with him. Even then I only have romances him with a non-mage human, because I can’t see him able to do anything else.

Then OGHREN. I don’t know if I talked about this but his entire relationship with Felssi never interested me because it feels like he’s repeating Branka. They insult each other and she talks to him like dirt. Exploring the idea he left not because he didn’t want to be a dad/is a bad dad but because he recognized he was in the same damn cycle would have been so cool. Plus having him actually change.

In origins, have him stop drinking as much. Have him talking not about sex or being gross but have him holding intelligent conversations with Sten on battle tactics. Have him argue with Shale about dwarves. Have him discuss withdrawal with Wynne.

Then Awakenings. Like I said, I think the discussion that his relationship with Felssi is toxic on both sides would be fun. Have him confess he realized he was right back where he’d started, have him drinking again… I’m not saying blame everything on the woman. I am saying that toxic relationships are hard to break and the idea of Oghren honestly being at a loss when he realizes where he is would be so much fun.

This is a headcanon I built to be able to stand the man.

And the fact I have to do so makes me want to beg on bended knee to BioWare: please don’t do this to me in DA:D.

[leastdatablebracket]

QUARTERFINALS, MATCH 4

Propaganda under the cut!

Joseph Christiansen

Propaganda

So many reasons. He's already married, he's a jerk to his wife, he's already slept with at least one of the other romance options. That romance option goes to you before a date with Jospeh and damn near begs you not to be stupid and go with him. The worst part? You put up with all this and he leaves you to "work things out with his wife". She deserves so much better than him! One of the writers even said he's a sociopath. 

Married and a youth minister.

Cheater, cringe man, father of creepy children, possibly evil cultist, left a guy feeling used which said guy also became friends with Joseph's wife who appears to be an alcoholic likely as a coping mechanism since she's married to Joseph

He cheats on his wife, has done so before, lies to you by claiming that he's going to leave his wife when he clearly never intends to (and, in one ending, will even cheerfully suggest that you two continue having an affair in an extremely sleazy way), and judging by the fact that the other guy we know he cheated on his wife with, Robert, hates Joseph and is now very close friends with his wife, it seems clear to me that this whole "purposefully mislead someone into sleeping with you and then later drop the bomb that it was an affair" thing is repeat behavior with him. Also, I just find much of his behavior to be very manipulative and controlling; there are many situations where it seems to me that he's actively trying to paint others in a negative light while still coming off as saintly himself, such as an early scene where he subtly implies his wife is a shitty mom because she *checks notes* let their toddler out of her sight... during a neighborhood barbecue in a fenced-in yard surrounded by trusted adults and other kids. Also notice how in this scene he pushes *her* to go look for their son, rather than just looking himself, all while keeping up his "long-suffering husband" act. (and in other scenes can be found letting his other young children wander off into the woods with sharp implements and visibly not caring, but whatever). He does this with Robert, too -- the other guy he had an affair with. Almost everything he says about or to Robert is a subtle jab about his personality or his alcoholism. Classy, Joseph. Meanwhile, the fact that you can't actually end up with him in the end (because he was never going to leave his wife for you) started some of the most volatile discourse in the fandom and had people calling the devs homophobic and claiming they were spreading a message about "gay men needing to stay in loveless abusive marriages to women" (just ignore the fact that there are several other divorced gay dads in this game who all have great relationships with their kids and are not demonized in the slightest). HOWEVER, if you see people claiming he's a cultist or demon or something, that's untrue and was just going to be a non-canon spooky alternate ending that ended up getting cut. So I empathize with him a little bit for getting literally demonized by some fans for that cut alt ending. But he loses all those points by cheating on his wife multiple times and showing clear intent to continue doing so.

He's still married when you start dating him. He's also got like 5 kids that are some "children of the corn" kinda shit, and all their names have "Christ" in them

You don't even get to date him he's still married to his wife who he doesn't get along with. Tragic really

Cullen Rutherford

Propaganda

stupid racist cop creep whose fans cry about how hes "changed" and "you can't judge him he was addicted to magic drugs" nah he still chose to be a racist cop and abuse his power over innocent people and i hate him. the writers making him romanceable in da:i after how blatantly horrible he was in da:o and da:2 is baffling but i guess they had to appeal to the part of their audience who watch those "mafia boyfriend" videos on tiktok or whatever

He's creepy in origins, though still 100% willing to kill the female mage pc he's crushing on, as well as all the other mages trapped in the circle with him. He's the second-in-command in an even worse circle in 2, listening to and defending the increasingly obviously insane meredith until literally the end. He's one of the people still pushing for the circle system by inquisition, and yes he's going through withdrawals and working through the traumas of previous games. And to be brutally honest his was the first romance i took and while i don't remember much from it, its not worth all the girls going absolutely nuts over knockoff terrible alistair.

He's basically a cop who thinks being born a certain way can revoke personhood and by Inquisition still thinks mages are monsters to be controlled, not people. He gets a fairy tale cutesy romance that focuses on his personal struggles with addiction while showing absolutely no regard to the atrocities he committed and still thinks were justified. He can be romanced BY A MAGE and his actions and beliefs are just glossed over. He believes mages are 'not people like you (Hawke) and me', but if the Warden was a female mage he canonically had a crush on her and would deliberately hang around her despite the fact that he was her *jailer*. If that Warden romanced Leliana, there is war table dialogue in which he pesters Leliana for news of his 'former' crush despite her repeated statement that she doesn't want to talk to him about her. All this shitty behavior and lack of introspection gets swept under the rug by the game, not even giving the PC the chance to really challenge his beliefs. Like damn even Fenris could apologize when he lashed out due to past trauma with mages, and if anyone has a reason to hate mages it's Fenris. If you want an ex Templar hottie Alistair is RIGHT THERE. Tbh I know Cullen is a popular romance and I'm not here to tell anyone what they can or can't do or like in a video game, I'm just saying I think he is deeply undateable

Spends the first two games as an antagonist, fervently devoted to the cause of subjugating mages, then a bunch of "character development" happens off screen and the games treat him like he's completely reformed. However he's actions make it clear he still sees mages as dangerous and lesser. Not to mention if you romance him with an elf he doesn't pay your culture more than lip service respect like most of the devout characters 

He was a total villain in the first two games who was violently prejudiced against mages and uses one single bad experience as an excuse for it (a bad experience that is pretty much exactly what he in his job subjected graduating apprentices to, mind you, but this is never brought up). Now he says he's changed, but his words and actions say otherwise. He still distrusts mages, sympathises with the rebel Templars trying to kill them, and he never owns up to the terrible stuff he did and helped others do in the past two games. He totally knew what Meredith was doing and says he doesn't, and he still tries to defend her intentions. And you have no option to call him out on it. If you romance him as a mage, he angsts about how he might have seen you as subhuman in the past but NOW you're one of the good ones, and when you ask him if he'll kill you if you get possessed, he dodges the question. And the PC is written as being almost sad that she's a mage? Like 'can you love me despite what I am??' Also if Leliana romanced a female mage PC in the first game who is still alive, he asks her creepy questions about their relationship. Fitting considering his original purpose was to be creepy to the female mage Warden. 

I hate him and want to cause chaos. Plus his VA is an asshole.

Cop

I think you covered almost everything but don't forget that beautiful moment in DA2 - Act 2 where you find out some templars had a petition to lobotomize all mages and Meredith, THE HARDCORE TEMPLAR LEADER, rejects it, but Cullen says they got a point. Despite the fact that we just found out that those templars were using lobotomy (or the threat of) to rape people and get away with it. And then Cullen in DA:I is whining that anything that happened it's not his fault because Meredith kept the worse away form him so he didn't know, but also that anyway Meredith had a point and did what she had to do. Meredith does not go mad until Act 3, before she was of sound mind and Culllen was her second in command BECAUSE he hated mages as much as (or even more) than her. What the FUCK did she even hide from you, Cullen. Oh, but he changed! Because the writers make A VICTIM OF THE TEMPLARS say so. And anyway he only says so BECAUSE HE READS MINDS not because Cullen did anything to show it. Also the narrative wants to sympathise with Cullen for his drug problems while Cullen is openly attacking the only other character with the same problem for...having the same problem. And he's the antagonist, so there were OTHER things Cullen could be mad about. But he is mad about the drug problem. Also I'm not an expert on writing characters with addictions but he is an addict only when it's time to have a cut scene where you pity him. Otherwise it has zero impacts on everything else.

[midnightswaltz]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤️

Oooh, hi! So, the thing is, I only have, like 6 fics posted anywhere and a couple of them need extensive rewrites (or I've kinda just written off because I'm not happy with it anymore & don't wanna rec, but haven't gotten around to deleting/orphaning). But here's what I've got.

1 - Recombined

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda. Relationship: Sis!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav.

I'm very proud of this one, not least because it's one of the few things that actually got finished. It was unexpected because LJ was not a part of my "canon" Ryder's story (still isn't... well, not exactly) but I love her. I also find myself rereading this quite a bit especially when I need to remind myself that I can be a good writer.

2 - Vengeance and Saving the World

Fandom: Arrow (2012 TV show) + Pacific Rim. Relationship: Oliver Queen/Felicity Smoak

oof, this little guy is only like a week younger than my nephew. I'm not really even in the fandom anymore!

It's still weak in parts but, for a change, I don't actually care. I like the little jokes & nicknames. I'm proud of the bits of worldbuilding I got to add to the worlds I already smashed together. There was other stuff that I didn't eventually write like Tommy's dad was still alive with a kaiju egg and some nefarious plot or something. I do still get the odd kudos on this which I'm tickled by, but also, like, how the far in the weeds have you gone that you've found this almost 11 year old fella?

3 - Terra Incognita

Fandom: Mass Effect Andromeda Relationship: Sis!Ryder/Jaal Ama Darav

Major WIP.

I know I haven't updated this in... well, a while. I am working on it, because I really enjoy writing all the little ways in which my headcanon is different from the game story or how they can all play together. Like I'm currently obsessing on how the angara have the intelligence to know about what happened on Eos (this is briefly mentioned by Jaal during the first meeting with Evfra). Like, there's probably a very simple explanation, but I'm having more fun with *spoiler 😆* that one day I plan on letting other people read.

4 - In the Darkness You Will Reach

Fandom: Dragon Age Inquisition Relationship: F!Lavellen/Cullen Rutherford

Ravi Lavellan's story. Another major WIP.

132,828.

That's how many words I have written (& rewritten) on this fella without posting.

This is not actually posted anywhere, but I do have some bits n' pieces that I've shared over the years, which I linked the tag. In my scrivener file, it's mostly a whole bunch of almost finished scenes & half started side stories (like there's a couple assassination attempts in Skyhold, one of which has become it's own little story inside the larger story, but I'm not really sure how they work that one out yet...). I'm probably going to be sharing more on tumblr soon, because I'm not writing it in any particular order & am getting impatient about sharing the stuff I'm proud of.

This is another one of those things that I start rereading so I can start working on & then just get sucked back in until it's hours later & I'm like "wait...what was I doing again?"

Not 5, but honorable mention - Through the Dark Places

Fandom: Dragon Age Origins Relationship: Surana/Alistair

This is the beginning of my warden's story. I still want to finish this and was very proud of it when I started, but I really want to rewrite the beginning of this. I'm not unhappy with it, but I can make it better.

[greypetrel]

Or is it hard work dear, holding the atmosphere? (🎶)

Random doodle that randomly got coloured and there you go, why would they need two sleeping cots?

(this is to convince myself to finalise Monster Fic next chapter by illustrating it, hoping I'll come to a conclusion and either cut it short or just... Make it three chapter in the Arbor Wilds because who even care right.)

[star--nymph]

Does anyone remember when Cullen found a dragon nest and his men just casually brought a bunch of eggs to Skyhold to be incubated and studied and??? That's it?? The game never brings it up again

Yes yes, smart enough to avoid red lyrium very good uh huh uh huh RUTHERFORD THERE ARE BABY DRAGONS IN MY SKYHOLD

“For studying purposes” my ASS THOSE ARE EURYDICE’S BABIES NOW

I HOPE YOU LIKE BEING A DRAGON DAD CULLEN

[deedeemactir]

RIP Cullen Rutherford, you would have LOVED divorced dad rock