#dadstories

[dysfunctionalgirl88-blog]

Growing up with a father who sufferes from mental illness, (most of which is his delusions of grandeur), my family and I heard a LOT of crazy stories from him about his life and experiences that we knew couldn't possibly be true. On the same note, he would often give "dad" advice to my sisters and I that I would later come to realize was just absolute nonsense that he spouted out whenever he needed to make himself feel useful or important.

The first example that comes to mind was when I was about 17 and Dad was attempting to show me how to change the oil in my car, (a subject that he knew little about, but he wouldn't admit to it). He says to me, "Sarah, did you know that at one time I was one of the best mechanics in the whole state of Wisconsin?" I, knowing full well he'd never worked on a car his entire life, let alone was a practicing mechanic, decided WTH, I'd just go with it. I replied, "Oh yeah? You never told me that." He goes on to tell me that he became known as "one of the greats" by helping glue an engine back together with just the items from his lunchbox. "Yeah the guys at the shop were lifting up an engine from this big ol' pickup truck using those pulleys like they do when all the sudden, WHAM!! The pulley broke and the engine fell right on the concrete and I'll be damned if the thing didn't just bust apart all over the floor! The other guys were shaking their heads, not a clue of what to do or how to do it. I was was pretty dumbstruck myself until I remembered what I had in my lunchbox... Needless to say that when I pulled out my bottle of mustard the guys were laughing pretty hard saying no man could glue an engine back together with a bottle of Heinz. But I went away at it anyhow, ignoring all the the heehawin' in the background. Anywho, when they started seeing it come back together piece by piece, their faces went from chuckling to their jaw dropped silence". By this point in the story I'm just staring at him blankly, not sure if I should burst into laughter or call him out on this scientifically impossible tale. After a few seconds I simply ask, "Are you saying that you put a shattered truck engine back together using only a bottle of mustard?" "That's exactly what I'm saying, and it's as true at the sky is blue above you my dear! I'm tellin' ya mustard is the most powerful adhesive on the planet, but not many know about it. When it sets it sets in like concrete and you'd damn near have to use a jackhammer to break it apart!" I started to crack up, not able to hold in the laughter anymore. "Now this ain't something to be laughin' at, I'm serious as a heart attack about that mustard!" He snapped. "It's stronger than any super glue man has ever made!" "Oh I know, Dad, I believe you're serious." I manage through the tears and gafawing. "Then what's so funny?" His expression softening and a little smile emerging on face now. "I... I'm just appreciating all the incredibly useful information you give me." I replied through the squeals of hysterical laughter. Dad paused a moment at that and looked pretty deep in thought. After a few seconds he finally shrugged and said, "Well, at least someone is grateful for my advice. I guess that makes you a pretty lucky gal". "Yeah, Dad, I guess that does."

[workingclassdad]

Dad Highlights: 0 - 3 Months

There’s no denying that the last three months have been a roller coaster unlike any other. Having a daughter has completely changed my life in ways that I wouldn’t have even imagined. It’s hard to pick out my favourite moments, but here are a select few that I will remember forever. 

Putting Marla in her sheep onesie. 

Years ago, long before Connie and I were even thinking of having a baby, we were gift shopping for one of my nieces. We happened to stumble upon a fluffy sheep onesie and immediately fell in love with it. Despite having no intention to have a baby for several years, we bought it - knowing that it would no longer be in the shops when we were finally ready. Putting Marla in that sheep outfit for the first time was like years of waiting coming to a beautiful end, and the fact that she wore it to come home from hospital made it all the more special. 

Introducing her to the family

Again, only a small memory - but sometimes those are the most precious - introducing Marla to her grandparents was a moment like no other. Seeing family from Connie’s side and mine as they instantly fell in love with their new granddaughter / great granddaughter / niece gave such a magical feeling. Hearing about Connie’s sister trying to change a nappy for the first time was also quite amusing. 

Seeing Marla smile for the first time

A moment like none-other. She would grin when she needed to burp as you would expect but seeing Marla fully light up in response to something you do is without a doubt one of the best parts of being a parent. I can instantly forget even the worst day at work just by seeing that beautiful smile when I get home. 

Marla’s first Christmas

Being only one month old at the time, of course Marla had no idea that it was Christmas, but that didn’t matter - obviously she had WAY more presents than any other person. Connie and I had my parents over to stay which made it feel incredibly intimate too. Sharing Christmas dinner around a table for the first time with our new baby in our new house made me see the true meaning of family. 

My least favourite part?

You might think it’d be the sleepless nights, or maybe even the poop explosions that occur almost daily. You might expect it to be those moments when Marla decides to be sick all over herself seconds after you’ve finished getting her dressed. You’d be wrong. 

Without a doubt, the worst part about it all is having the theme song to Peppa Pig stuck in your head 24 hours a day. I'll start whistling it as I’m cooking dinner or getting ready for work. I’ve seen all the episodes that are available on Netflix at least four times. I find myself starting to question the motives of the characters and fish out plot holes in the story-lines. Why was Mr Bull a bus driver in one episode but a road digger in the next? How on Earth was George’s first word ‘dinosaur’? Why are Peppa and Suzy Sheep still friends after all their falling out? Generally parenting is fantastic, but not Peppa Pig.  Peppa Pig can fuck off. 

[lorene1voice]

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers and father-like figures. Give them a hug if you can. My father died when I was little so my mom had to be both mom & dad. I never got to know my dad or hear his stories. I found this photo of him at a BC JCCA conférence & it looks like he is representing Slocan City. My uncle George is the little boy in a photo of the Royston Mill children at the Cumberland Museum. Big shout out to everyone at Miners Memorial this weekend. Final photo of my grandfather Ken Doi who loved baseball & played in Cumberland, Royston & was a member of the winning Vancouver Asahi baseball team. #dadmemories #dadstories #fathersday https://www.instagram.com/p/CfAYzh0Jmk8/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[parental-guidance-optional]

Dad.. The Great & Powerful..!

Is there a better ‘story teller’ than Dad?

I’ve been the strongest man on earth in my tribe’s eyes on more than one occasion. Telling the story of my ‘amazing strength’ was always better than the moment it actually happened- nothing wrong with revisionist’s history favoring me…

Dads are revered for whom they once were and for who they are now, things are funny that way.

This story begins with 14 y/o Tommy deciding he wants to wrestle rather than play soccer his sophomore year.

I take the moment to hype him up and tell him how much fun Wrestling is and then chop him down a little immediately after.

“You’re a year behind though now. Gotta build up some strength leading up to next year. Start knocking out some push-ups every night.”

Naturally, it’s well known by this point in Tommy’s life that Dad used to have the strength of 10 men and the body of a God- so dad must know what he’s talking about..!

Between rounds of the Lomachenko fight, Tommy crushes 25 push-ups each time till he can’t take it anymore. Finishes with 145 total reps!!

Right on queue I pipe in, “I remember when I used to knock out sets of 60 diamond push-ups..”

The trick is to deliver this line like it’s no big deal today. Tommy’s head whipped around looking at me in disbelief!! LOL!!

The next night I remind Tommy to get his push-ups in. Noodle armed, his attempts to start end in a face plant into the carpet on his first rep.

Savannah (4 y/o) can’t let the moment pass without getting to shine a little and decides to get on Tommy’s back for a push up!

Now, the Dad moment happens…. “I used to do push-ups with your mom on my back!”

“THEN LETS SEE YOU DO IT NOW!” says the know it all laying on his face..

All in good fun, I try backing out of it. At this point the whole family is against me and they’ve whittled me down to “just try with Savannah on your back.”

Now the Dad Legend grows. .

Laying in the hallway with a 4y/o little girl LAUGHING like a lunatic straddling my back, the whole family looking. My Pride at stake and even more, the lasting implications of if I can’t get these push-ups done were all weighing even heavier than the ‘extra baggage’ that was trying to tickle my armpits…

BOOM! Knock out 2 push-ups! The crowd goes ever so silent and I’m feeling good.

“Bring Miles over here..” at this point we’re all thinking it, Savannah is just a lil girl- no big deal.

Miles (6 y/o) stumbles over, ready for his turn on the carnival ride. Lays on my back and uses my head as a pillow. I can feel the extra weight he brings compared to Vannah and before doubt sets in…

BOOM! 2 more push-ups!!!!

Now the Dad Legend isn’t a bluff!

“Get over here Tommy!”

On my back he goes and real doubt sets in.. I look up and saw the hope in My Wife’s eyes and I could see the amusement in both the little ones…

My first rep starts and I hear the amazement in my mini-me's voice on the upswing of the first push up. I only have a solid 2 push-ups in me but I gotta deliver them like I could’ve done more!

My small show of strength done and I’d accomplished all that I wanted and more..

I gave my stories credibility! lol!

4 days later and I’m still paying for the 6 total push-ups…

[100dad]

Start by emailing me Townsend@100dad.com Tell me a quick intro to yourself or your story. Especially if this content has helped you!! We love testimonials!! We will set up a time to record a podcast or dictate your story for publication. We are in the process of building up a team of writers and editors to help record and share stories of Dads. We can make you anonymous if you would like. Email gets seen and handled. Instagram messages get buried and lost!! #dadstories #stories #story #Dads #dad #fatherhood #100dad #greatdad #girldad #boydad #podcastguest #podcast #signup #share #testimonial #haro #nashville (at Nashville, Tennessee) https://www.instagram.com/p/CWWE8hOr6jn/?utm_medium=tumblr

[henriete41]

C'mon, Dad!!!! . . #repost #reposting 👇👈 Boonis---> https://www.channelate.com/extra-panel/20200704/ Today's comic starts Patreon supporter Parley! Join here https://www.patreon.com/ryanhudson . #bonus #channelate #ryanhudson #extrapanel #fun #funny #wheredobabiescomefrom #wherebabiescomefrom #babies #storyoflife #stork #bird #dadstories #DadJoke #notajoke #cmondad #gross #grossstuff https://www.instagram.com/p/CCZlNpGjOJI/?igshid=1awdr1ir50knl

[inthevintagekitchen]

Last night I published my first blog post since my dad passed away two and a half months ago. It took me that long to write, to wrap my head around the whole experience and to fully understand that he’s no longer here physically but also that he’s not really gone either because I have him here in the kitchen everyday. The post is about his apron - a now 35 year old member of the family - that he picked up from @now_designs in San Francisco in the 1980s. My dad wore this apron every time he cooked, which he did with gusto over the past three decades. He’d never admit to being a foodie or a gourmand but he really was one - an explorer in all the best culinary ways. Now his apron has come home to live with me and be a part of my culinary adventures. I can’t think of a better way to keep him close. With each tie of these apron strings it feels like a hug from him and the beginning of a new cooking journey together. Like I said before, he’s gone but he’s still very much here. ♥️ Just wanted to send a big thank you to Now Designs for making the apron that made the memories that lasted a lifetime. Cheers and cheers and cheers to many more decades of cooking and creating:) - - - - #apron #tribute #dadstories #inheritance #nowdesigns #parisbistro #familystories #vintageapron #ontheblognow https://www.instagram.com/p/BzlGaDZg6FC/?igshid=efavvxih3r4f

[eggnolegs-blog]

Storytime...

my father decided to wait 16 YEARS of my life and NOT tell me how he met GUY FIERI while hanging out with his friend Stretch (his name yes) - who turned out to be GOOD BUDDIES with Guy. He didn’t think it was an important life experience to share with me... how dare he.

[amlitlover]

Ernest Hemingway on Derby Day

"Most jocks can just about ride off all they want to. A jock loses about a kilo every time he rides, but my old man was sort of dried out and he couldn't keep down his kilos without all that running." https://americanliterature.com/author/ernest-hemingway/short-story/my-old-man

[mindofmodernman]

Been reading chapter books to the boy every night. 📚 Just pulled out this classic from my bin in the attic. 🐭 🏍 Anyone else remember The Mouse and the Motorcycle by #BeverlyCleary? SO GOOD. . . . . . #MindofTheModernMan #DadBlog #ManBlog #ModernMan #Podcast #parenting #ManStories #GuyStuff #Dadstories #MindofModernMan #DadPodcast #ManPodcast #reading #mouseandthemotorcycle #kidbooks #readtoyourkids #youngreaders https://www.instagram.com/mindofmodernman/p/BwCYMsGFA6C/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1ew1ax680nk77

[damian-lil-babybat]

Jade Nguyen (Cheshire) - half-French, half-Vietnamese. Second deadliest assassin, next to Lady Shiva. Hand-to-hand combat specialist, with expertise to all poisoned weaponry, mainly, sai. Raised and trained as an assassin-mercenary by her brutal father. She enjoys the chase rather than the kill, often taunting and sharing dry gallows humor with victims and colleagues alike. Mother to Lian Harper, daughter of Roy Harper (Speedy)

Shado (no known name) - Japanese. Daughter of a yakuza. Her honor is revenge for her father. Master archer, specialized in kyudo. She has reached past mere archery to become shado, the essence of archery. A zen mistress. She normally only carries four arrows, and used the weapon of those she killed to obliterate the fight. Mother to Emiko (Red Arrow), half-sister of Oliver Queen (Green Arrow)

Talia al Ghul (Demon's Daughter) - (indeterminate ethnicities, but canonically known as) Arab. Daughter of Ras al Ghul, the leader of League of Assassins. A contradiction of loyalty to her family, duty to their cause, and love to the one man who could bring all of those into ruin. She is an exceptional athlete, and fighter. Master strategist. Known to have astonishing business acumen, and knowledgeable in medicine and chemicals (University of Cairo). Mother to Damian Wayne (Robin), one of the sons of Bruce Wayne (The Batman)

Sandra Wu San (Lady Shiva) - half-Chinese, half-American. At the top of the greatest martial artists known, and still improving everyday. She especialized in swordfights but now uses unarmed combat. One with the Tao, she’s nearly one with the universe, and understanding just lazily floats in her way. Has extreme luck in fights, almost fated, and could read people if they are lying. Has knowledge on esoteric Chinese traditional medicine, borderline miraculous. Mother to Cassandra Cain (Batgirl/Black Bat/Orphan), daughter of Bruce Wayne (The Batman)

[giallorosso]

So happy to see some progress, teaching my son to ride bicycle 👐🚲 #illustration #drawing #doodling #sketch #adhityapsketch #art #artist #handdrawing #love #illustrator #pen #fountainpen #ink #sketchbook #journal #journaling #sketchjournal #usk #urbansketch #urbansketcher #urbansketchers #sailor1911 #dadsjournal #dadstory (at QBig BSD City)

[workingclassdad]

Being a parent and a person. Part 2.

I never intended to write a part two to my previous post, but following certain events at the weekend, it seems quite necessary. 

Never have I wanted to punch a complete stranger square in the throat as much as I wanted to on Saturday night. 

Connie’s parents visited us for the weekend, which was fantastic. We hadn’t seen them since the weekend before Christmas, so it was lovely to catch up and even lovelier for them to spend some time with their granddaughter. 

We grabbed a spot of lunch at a little pub called The Telegraph - it seems we only really go there when they come to visit. That’s not on purpose, it just works out for us with the location of the hotel they usually stay at. It’s become a bit of an unintentional tradition. 

Of course, Marla was with us. We had a healthy supply of milk and nappies too - isn’t it crazy that we parents can bring that stuff out with us!? 

At around 4:30pm we headed to a Wetherspoons. There are two in Derby - one which plays music and is quite lively, and another which plays no music and is mostly frequented by people - like us - who just wanted a quiet drink and a catch up with friends / relatives. 

We had a great evening. Marla slept through the whole thing. Were it not for the pram, you wouldn’t have even known she was even there. That was until we stood up to leave. 

It was around 6:45pm and some absolute cow (there’s another C word that I would prefer to use for the woman) decided to loudly pass comment about “bringing a baby here” at such a time. 

Excuse me???

It wasn’t even 7pm. It was only just starting to get dark outside. 

Marla wasn’t bothering anybody, she was asleep. 

Now we’re parents, are we not to leave the house? 

What fucking business is it of hers anyway? 

Even the woman’s partner / owner looked embarrassed. Much like a dog owner who’s mutt had just needlessly snapped at somebody’s ankles. He was mortified. He’ll tell himself that it’s unlike her, but he knows in his heart that she’s done it before, and she’ll do it again. 

It’s probably for the best that she be put down. 

Steve out. 

[rospotato]

Ep.66 Trust him, he’s a doctor 😂放心，佢係醫生 #thankyouthatsveryhelpful #evendoctorsneedhelp #funnystory #lifeasadoctor #medicalconference #dadstory #imapotato #family #funny #art #sliceoflife #illustration #drawing #cartoon #hongkongdraw #插畫 #香港創作 #搞笑 #家 #香港插畫 #醫生 #開會 #放心 #無事 https://www.instagram.com/p/BySP-H1HMNt/?igshid=8xohx4c7elb1

[soliddarrity]

This little house is made from trash items I found in a random spot in the mountains outside #goldenbc. They say to leave a place better than you found it. They also say one man's trash is another man's treasure. Well today, one man's trash happens to have turned into a proper fairy house in a small glen. #maketheworldbetter #smalladventures #fairyhouse #trashart #artmadeoutoftrash #fairies #smallhouse #dadstory #personalstory #reallife

[jocelynfortier]

Father’s Day has me thinking about my father. Here’s him and my brother in the 70’s during calving season in front of his tiny house where he stayed for months tending to the mom cows and their babies. He was a true cowboy, wrote poetry, took photos, told stories and loved the everyday. He had good sense - and Horse Sense is his story. FYI - a good father’s day gift as it’s rugged, raw yet elegant… and yes Dad’s need fathers day gifts. A candle makes sense as it takes him places. . . . #dadstories #dad #fathersday #mancandles #mansmells #manlyscents #giftsforhim #giftsfordads #candles #scents #fragrance #gentleman #cowboy #horsesofinstagram