#dai: i only wish for ppl to be happy :)
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i think the most we will get is PC release (if that) this year but that means we gotta deal with those trolls bc changing angrb0da’s skin color is such a big deal to these mfs and i still dont understand that sweet baby inc shit bcuz all the information im seeing is just bundled bullshit LMFAOOO i feel like her actual character gets overshadowed by the made up problems and no one actually talks abt HER as a character or even analyses her fr (outside of here ofc) lol sms abt to make a banger with her and atreus istg
#Truth be told i dont even wanna talk abt this anymore but this topic gets brought up pretty much every week atp#How weird is it that u would only accept her if she were white#Thats literally you admitting you like her character but her being black is a deal breaker#I feel like no matter how much they want her to be a white girl changing her skin wouldnt change their opinion abt her#Theres this one (big) acct in particular thats constantly shitting on rag and its like bro u need to just leave if ur not happy#or take a long ass break and come back at times and then leave again cuz hes just miserable as fuck and yall know exactly who im talking ab#I do see more people getting annoyed with this topic and i dont blame them#its getting super out of hand and dragged out atp#Once again i do not want ppl to like her out of PITY. she deserves a very honest group of fans and if those fans are ppl#That disliked her at first but started to like her later on thats fine as long as its out of being genuine#I cannot wait for her to gain more fans fr but i have to be careful what i wish for bcuz i dont want ppl to become too crazy lol#I might just post smth on that god forsaken reddit as an appreciation post of her or smth idk yet LMFAOOO#I for sure will have to be more brave and visible with my love for her one of these days#also very grateful for that one ragnarok vp. he loves angie for sure#Anyways#Love angie for life#Gow#god of war ragnarok#rant
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dnangel is like entirely built off of this. it's so funny
#*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.#dai: i only wish for ppl to be happy :)#his ancestor. the hikari ancestor. satoshi at first. dark and all of destiny's cycles at him: YOU'RE A SINNER. YOU'RE GUILTY. DIE.#dai: i am 14 years old 🧍♂️#ok. im sleepy. my dog has taken a spot on my bed. it scalling to me. gNIIII
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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hey real quick shout out to anybun who holds grudges or doesn't let things go easily . uu aren't childish , immature or dramatic .
there is no set time limit for how long uu are "allowed" to be upset or hurt about something , and everybun takes different amounts of time to move on or heal from things and it's perfectly normal to maybe even never truly move on .
uur emotions are valid and uu don't need to bottle them up or get angry at uurself for feeling them , all I can recommend is finding things that help uu get them out in a healthy way until they affect uu less and less . which they will , even if it takes a really long time , trust me .
uu are loved and deserve nice things , ok ?
#➳ the fool speaks#the key word here is *healthy* ways 2 express uur emotions#write cringe poetry abt uur heartbreaks ! shred up some paper thinking abt that one asshole who insulted uu the other day !#i know when uu hold grudges it can be tempting 2 do things that may be hurtful to those uu are upset or hurt about but in the end#it p much tends to only lead to uu caring more about it instead of eventually letting go of it . or being ''slightly less affected by it''#which is the goal here !#anyways my heart goes out 2 all of uu i am wishing ya'll so much rest and happiness and the capability to ignore anybun who tries to#tell uu how 2 process uur emotions and that uur [insert negative stuff] for nawt Never Being Affected By Anything In The Universe™#bc those are the kinds of ppl worth ignoring y'know#i should probably put this in some positivity tags#positivity#sure#fhsjfhsjdj#idk no ideas i just had the urge to write this even if nobun sees it
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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#i havent been wanting to get out of bed in the morning at all lately :((#i just dont want to :((#today i should be going to the gym w my mom nd then stop by the store nd library#tmrw i have to go to school#but omg i rllyyyyy dont want to i wanna cry#i feel like skipping it today even if then i dont get the book i wanna read bc they'll send it back today#plus there r some things i'd like to get at the store. but ugh i just wanna stay in bed and stay in my room#and i had an unpleasant dream of my school years :/#i dream of that and my class all the time and it fills me w such anxiety :(#stuff like that. that anxiety most ppl fill me w. reminds me how badly i only want to be w him#but maybe it's ruined now. bc of miscommunication.... i havent even dared checking the app#bc im sooooooo scared to open it and be met w the unread sign. that he hasnt even seen my messages#that'll hurt me so much so i just dont even open the app. now i have no idea if he's seen it or not nd thats all i can deal with atm#it makes me so sad tho bc if he rlly wanted to he could have me. and i have such a big heart w sm love to give to someone :((((#he's like the one person i've met who fills me w calm instead of that anxiety#which is somewhat funny to say bc he also makes me so sad sometimes :(( nd frustrated#but ohhh even now all i can think abt is being w him nd having a future. even if idk if nd when we'll even simply talk again skskksksk#sighhhhhh i was so happy to have talked to him almost every day the past week... i have things i wanna share w him constantly!!!!! but then#i ofc made a mistake w i always do. i just wish ppl could come to me nd talk abt it instead of just getting upset and pulling away :((
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#finishes a happy show abt love by uncontrollably sobbing because imso fundamentally broken and past the point of being fixed that i cannot#love and receive love and dont feel at all deserving of even doing so#i cant trust fhat people love me itll always be in the back of my mind that its fake that its all a lie i cant accept that anybody could#believing that the only way someone could love me is if they were manipulated into doing so and imholding someone captive with the brutality#of who i am. i wish love made me sweet ans gentle and kind#its like ive locked away all thelove i have in a box but its rotting away and irs making that box heavy ans idk if i can carry it anymore#nevermind someone else. i dont want to crush ppl and suffocate them and yet its all ive ever been able to do#one day iwill find acceptance in being undeserving of it all but for now ill just continue to want and long and yearn#i hate desiring what i cannot have. i wish i was being hyperbolic. i wish i could just say its an episodebut i cant#ivelocked myself so far away out of reach that i dont think i coukd bring it back even if i desperately wanted to#it would be better if i had no love to give but its not true. i have so much love to give but no one id want to subject to carrying it#ishould sleep#anyway ghe show was nice before igot in my own head
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oh also as of yesterday 2 YEARS ON T HELL YEAH 1 YR POST TOP SURGERY HELL YEAH 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
#finally doing the last thing on my checklist this yr which is getting a passport :-)#dude my life has gotten SO much better i feel happier i feel more confident i feel more myself than I ever have#except maybe when i was a weird grubby child running around in the forest and creeks all day with no concept of what gender is and only#caring about catching critters and pretending i was a survivalist in the woods#quite literally a weight off my chest like 6 lbs of weight off my chest even#i had to save up like 9 yrs to pay for the surgery and had to get it out of pocket bc i knew there was no way i could get it thru ins.#but it was worth every fuckin cent i'm so happy i feel so much better in my body#i wish i could have started hrt sooner but it's true when ppl say it's never too late to start! i started at 26 and i am so so happy#with all of my changes and i just hope every other trans person gets to a point in their life they can safely transition it is#literally life changing#thx so much to all my friends who got me here and helped me through all the stress and cared for me after my surgery#thx to everyone who just said kind things and helped me navigate all the complex legal stuff and went with me to court!!! ur all the best#anyway goals this yr grow more than 3 facial hairs#and figure out how to style my hair i've been fighting these damn cowlicks for 27 yrs i want this yr to be the yr i figure it out#personal stuff
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evening has come again huh
#🌙.vent#i'm really sorry for the vents lately but i need a way to let it out. & this. this is as far as i can go with that#i need to do better again i know i can i have to :') people waiting for me. others n me....#last night i downloaded a game for my friend. for her. & then another friend i told her i'll reply before the day ends :< 'take your time'#she said but sob she opened up abt smth n i wna help i really do & fuck it just hurts too bcs i know the ppl around me are. struggling too#i try not to put others b4 myself if i'm struggling like rn but :< i hate the helplessness. wish i cld do smth more for you#i wish i could at least be enough to help them. for you for you whoever you are i would always be willing to make these sacrifices#i'm gna cry it's been so overwhelming lately bcs i'm filled with so much hope and despair simultaneously#what do i do? which do i choose? how do i decide? how am i supposed to do. enough. find a balance#n then other friends i haven't gotten to replying yet today bcs oh i'm too worn down right now n i hate it so much i'm sorry#& other than all the stuff i want to do for myself and for others there's also things like school n#it hurts you know? i'm very much aware i've been worrying my family lately. i can't. sleep properly. i can't bring myself to finish eating#:< n then it also gets overwhelming when i. look to better things. bcs it gen makes me v happy when. idk i feel inspired or creative or wtv#but it hurts when it's also simultaneously so overwhelming bcs it's so hard to do something with it#& thinking of good memories. how fleeting those moments were. how times have changed. but also of. of how more may come#but maybe. maybe only if i'm better. if i'm not this hollow husk of my usual self? fuck i know i'm too harsh on myself. unnecessary pressur#i'm more than it i know. but at times it's just so hard to feel better when i'm. 🥹 i really really don't want to be a disappointment.#for others n. for myself.... bcs i know as always in the future. wtf the fuck happens then. i do know that parts of me will never change.#wnvr i look into my past i'll always know that i deserved being more kind to myself. bcs i'm human too.#this empty feeling of being stuck somewhere being hope n my despair hurts v much bcs it's so contradicting & overwhelming#n i wish in these moments i cld be enough for my future self. n for those around me#i wish i was better at communicating! tell everyone i know how much i appreciate them! how much i wish they'd stay in my life#i wish i cld really just say but i'm afraid that my honesty might scare you away. so instead i hide. you probably don't feel the same nyway#crying it hurts i think past experiences have made me too used to people leaving. but i can't be vulnerable enough to be#soft enough to the extent of being so honest. i've been hurt before when i was kind n younger n naive sure but oh so innocent#struggling sad n it was so bad then that i. oh i remember how it hurt.... i refuse to let myself go through that extent of loneliness again#i wish though that. i could. revive my mind. my motivation my inspo my creativity hasn't exactly dulled but it's become more passive#am i afraid that if i really be myself then i'll be alone again? if i'm weird if i'm too honest n soft n. i don't know.#it hurts feeling like i'm stuck with being too little n too much at the same time. how do i. just be. enough. for you. for me.#it hurts i'm crying i'm sorry i'm so sorry fuck i'm so overwhelmed n lost i don't want to think right now it feels so empty n i'm tired
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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🍡
#im feeling very sad and low today :((#last year.... i was lonely bc it was the first midsummer my sisters had stopped speaking with me#but i had him. and i messaged with him during the entire day#and i sent him pics of my outfit and he complimented me#said it was pretty and that he liked my necklade and that my dress was nice :(((#i just loved talking to him so much#i miss it a lot like so much i feel empty and hollow without it </3#i can talk to others... and ofc i always appreciate nice things and compliments and messages from people. i really do#but it's just that thing when you are deeply in love with someone and they dont want you#when you're in love everything from that person is like pure liquid gold#so even if im happy that other ppl are nice to me#it's still like... compliments from him just made me come alive and made me so happy#getting attention from your crush and love interest is so special....#plus i just love like everything about him and i loved the way we talked :(#i just feel so empty and hollow bc im sad im so sad#this time last year he made me happy and i could talk to him all day#this time this year we're barely talking :(#and i feel so stupid and pathetic for saying things like i wanna understand him better and ask questions#and that i love him and he's the most special person to me#like can i read the room?!? why do i send shit like that when he is keeping his distance? im just bothering him with that stuff#if only he knew all the thing i have to supress and not tell him lmao#it hurts sm when there are so many things u wanna say to someone but you arent in a position to do so#bc they dont wanna hear it from u. oof that's pain bruv#i keep writing this post because i just cant let it go#i wish i could go back to last year#when he wanted pics from me and wanted me to message him#and we messaged like literally all day everyday#but now i feel bad and annoying for sending him any message :((#well... i am sad and heartbroken and that's just how i feel rn#i cant do anything other than accept it and just keep going 🤙
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this got away from me
#i wish i was a rich pretty guy or something but instead im a regular looking regular guy with parents that earn regular money#i was born to be one of those annoying bratty rich kids who dont work ever. that should be me#or something. i complain about work constantly but guys i do not want to go to school. i dont. i dont. i dont i dont. i dont i dont and i#dont know what to do about it. its spring. ive got like a month to figure out how im getting out of this#im not doing this i cannot do this. i cant i cant i cant. im so stressed i can tell im so stressed bc im getting acne and my eczema is awfu#its only a matter of time before i break out in hives or some shit i cant do it i cant do it. i cant. i cant#god everything is really getting to me. i cant i dont have a place here i dont i have no purpose in life and everyone just wants me to act#like. thats not true bc um. well! haha what are you gonna do! haha its fine. keep moving forward. ignore your anxiety and the fact that#everything makes you miserable constantly. and even the things that make you happy make you miserable. ignore that#go to college. normal ppl go to college :) no you want to sleep all day because youre not doing anything. which is a personal failure.#you should instead do something that makes you miserable. thatll fix it. dont kill yourself thats stupid. you have so much to live for! lik#um. well youre supposed to live. so. ignore yknow everything in the world and push forward. bc it will get better! once um.#um. yknow. you graduate in 8 years? be a dentist…. um bc. you like teeth. and it makes money. and well you need the money! youre going to#college!!!! you need that money to pay for it after all. dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it dont think about it#its okay we’ll do everything we can to make it cheaper. to do the thing you dont want to do at all even a little bit. no dont kill yourself#you have so much to live for! a career in something youve never been interested in! or yknow a different career youre not interested in#i dont want to kill myself!!! i dont want to kill myself i want something to fucking live for!!!!!! a want a life that doesnt make me feel#like i have to kill myself!!!!!!!!!!#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
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T/////Eight story amounted to basically nothing so I guess I'm back here to the other stupid as shit game I give too many chances on a more full time basis again (minus still writing my As///u/////Lil////i fic I love that thing too much and people in my DMs are counting on me for more)
At least I'll always have my friend and her best ending
And her faggot
EDIT: Ok it was nonsensical and full of holes like swiss cheese but now that i've calmed down this was always a goofy silly dumb game that cares less about taking itself seriously as it does being cool and fun, so while im disappointed and im allowed to be disappointed, im not running away with my expectations on this like others have. Tekken is still fun and will always have a place in my heart. And I do appreciate receiving some things I've always wanted regardless of my upsets with their execution flaws. They were finally able to make me feel like my favorite characters have closure on some level regardless, and that has to be commended.
#devastated. i'm devastated. the one time i was hoping Bamco would give us a decently written feast without shitting the bed#on the one hand i'm a fool for thinking they'd ever not write utter nonsense on the other hand i did get a handful of things i wanted#and i'm ok w going back to not really taking it seriously but it feels like even when i got things i wanted or liked#the WAY they were given to me was so shit i almost wish i got nothing#also this game has the best Asuka ending for once but that's such a low bar- it's the only ending where she's finally happy#god it wasn't even a story it was a skeleton of a script with ten different ppl working in separate rooms only coming out sometimes#to keep Jin on track and even with him as lead he got half baked shit- ALSO JUN??? JUN??? THE WAY THEY DROPPED THE JUN BALL#THE WAY WE GOT NEW CHARACTERS BUT NONE WERE LEGIT EXPLAINED OR GIVEN BACKSTORY? aaaaaughgghghhghghggh#telling everyone here bc i can't put spoilers on my main dash rn since it's not officially out for all platforms yet the PS5 ppl got theirs#and they streamed/posted all the cutscenes and character episodes days early so i saw it on youtube bc im impatient#i know none of you here give a shit lmao#ALSO THE MAIN BRANCH OF THE ******** FAMILY BEING REVEALED AS WIPED OUT BUT ASUKA HAS NOTHING TO SAY ABT IT- HARADDAAAAAAA#it's a fun game to play as a fighting game but dear god anything else you're in the trenches THE TRENCHES#i'm still arguing w myself if i'm gonna buy it once the recent global strike for Palestine is over or if i wait for a steam sale#once again collecting the less than ten things i like abt something and mourning the rest#this is my asuka alt in the pic btw I'll always love asuka goofy or serious but damn girl... I'm so sorry#i liked the ending of T8 but how we got there is borderline nonsensical and contrived#and at the expense of consistent character depth for pretty much anyone#EDIT: YES IM DISAPPOINTED BUT- this has always been The Goofy Game and i accept that now and yes i got things i loved and i love them#this is a game that has never taken itself seriously before anything else- which isn't the same as a serious game dropping the ball ie. FF#so in the end i'm mixed! i have what i don't like and what i think was missed- but i like it for what it is and i LOVE Asuka's potential#i love that in this game Asuka is finally at some form of peace regardless of the holes in the execution
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I am procrastinating from commission work lmao :))))
#and i can only work on this shot in peace during the late night/early morning hours(10pm-5am) usually falling asleep at 3#and getting up around 9-10 in the morning#sometimes earlier#i love doing commission work alot(creative freedoms of others characters AND I GET TO MAKE PPL HAPPY)#but god do i wish i could do this earlier during the day so i can sleep
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floats gently facedown in a river & gets swept out to sea
#so u see im trans but visible in a very lowkey babysteps way i only just started going by my name a few months ago and i dont really hide th#at im trans i tell ppl my pronouns and stuff if they ask! but im shy i dont introduce myself w threm and i dont pass either so like i still#get misgendered n stuff but ppl use the right name at least now#ANWYAY. so like im out but not Out yk#anyway part 2 i was leaving a thing and someone ik pulled me aside and asked me a question on my preference for something gender segregated#and it was so thoughtful and kind and no one has done that for me before and i really didnt know what to do 😭 its really nice to know that#i can do things quietly and people will still notice and care (in the good way). i mean hes probably overheard my friends using he/him#pronouns for me but still it was so thoughtful and considerate :(#todya has been wild my intrusive thoughts have convinced me my mom died twice today (shes in perfect health dw) and i think im finally#discovering how to hold the small happinesses close each day and letting the suicidal ideation ease away and i think im figuring out how to#live better. im hoping im looking forward to the future again im breathing 1 heavens cloud at a time#n now im just laying here lsitening to this is a life mitski on repeat and feeling like wvery emotion#WELL. that was a really long rant(?) thanks for reading . how are u all :3#i wish i could erase the word like (filler word) from my vocab Its just progresively getting worse all i say is like 50 times a sentence 😭😭
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i wish my best friend would understand that what helps them feel better doesn't necessarily helps me the same way. i wish they wouldn't keep pushing me to do things that aren't helpful for me. bc i know they just want to help me, i know they're being kind bc they care about me. but we just work differently, but i don't wanna dismiss their help :/
#socializing and getting out of the house and hanging out with their friends is how their mental health improves#it makes them happy and healthier and it makes them thrive#and i am SO glad for them#but. it's stressful for me. going out and hanging out with ppl and doing something out of the house EVERY day stressful for me#i like doing all those things. but only from time to time.#it makes me happy and healthier too. but not if i do it everyday#if i do it every day i get stressed and i just DON'T wanna do it. it's repetitive and tiring and stressful#and i end up dissociating the whole time. having a really bad time#being so so so so so tired and cranky and treating ppl badly without meaning to#i rlly wish they'd believe me. they keep telling me i have to keep trying and get used to it#but it's not that I don't want to. i just. i get so overwhelmed#yeah im on the spectrum keep scrolling#pers
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