#it makes me happy and healthier too. but not if i do it everyday

[dickggansey]

i wish my best friend would understand that what helps them feel better doesn't necessarily helps me the same way. i wish they wouldn't keep pushing me to do things that aren't helpful for me. bc i know they just want to help me, i know they're being kind bc they care about me. but we just work differently, but i don't wanna dismiss their help :/

[saeshiraw]

tired girl hours i’m just ranting bcos i don’t have enough time to cry

[princessvelaryon]

Just a Taste

Jacaerys Velaryon x Fem!Reader

Vampire AU

Synopsis: You and your vampire boyfriend try something new for the very first time

Light smut

18+ MDNI

NSFW

Warnings: Light smut, light blood play, talks of depression and self hatred

This is a very, very rough draft that I wrote on my notes app. I haven’t written a fic in years but Jace and my Jace Nation inspired me so I had to get this out of my system. I began with Twilight fanfiction so I have to get back to my roots. I plan to make this a full series but this scene just popped in my head first.

I wrote this as a gift for my girl Nattie @earth4angels

Special thanks to all the Jace Nation writers that inspired me. @swordgrace @jacaerysgf @hxtd @vividxpages @eldrith @benjinotes @entitled-fangirl @gracexthoughts

I love you guys, you all are amazing and deserve awards❤️

*************************************************

At the moment, you and Jace were the picture perfect image of blissful domesticity. You were sitting at your kitchen table, cutting fruit for a smoothie. Jace insisted that as a busy college student, you didn’t eat properly and the compromise was that you would drink a fruit and vegetable smoothie to make him happy. There wasn’t much you wouldn’t do to make that man happy. Jace argued that sometimes you forgot to eat just because he didn’t. You were so considerate, almost too considerate. You hated eating in front of him because you knew it made him feel guilty that he couldn’t even partake in this very simple and very human ritual with you. Since you two were practically inseparable, you have been neglecting yourself as of late.

That was one of the aspects of your relationship that made his heart ache with want. He wanted so desperately to be a normal couple with you, doing all the traditional things normal couples do. He wanted to take you out to nice restaurants like you deserved. He wanted to eat breakfast in bed with you after waking up next to you. Jace believed that sharing meals together was a very important part of bonding and he felt incredibly guilty for making you miss out. It always filled him with a sense of shame when he had to leave you to eat dinner alone for an hour or two everyday to hunt in the woods for his food like the animal he saw himself as.

He may not be able to read your mind but it was hard not to hear the thoughts of your friends and family. They approved of Jace and liked him but they knew something was “off” with him, but most of these suspicious were kept in their subconscious thoughts and that was a slight relief to him. Your mother was worried why Jace was always so pale and cold. He gave her the same excuse he gave you when you first met.

“It’s just some harmless anemia. A family curse, unfortunately. It just makes me sleepy and a little paler than normal. Nothing to worry about.” Your mother was insistant that Jace take his vitamins and eat healthier and he had to lie to her that he did, adding to his crushing guilt.

It was hard to concentrate on your task of chopping vegetables when Jace was across from you looking so ethereal. The sunlight hit his fair skin just right and it made him practically glow. His head was buried in a book of Valyrian poetry, making his brown curls fall in his eyes, framing his face perfectly. From where you sat, you could cound every single freckle along his nose and cheeks.

Jace would often read to you in High Valyrian late at night before you went to bed, your head laying on his chest or buried in his neck. Usually his head would be in your lap as you ran your hands through his curls, making him whimper and shiver until he relaxed under your careful ministrations. But on certain special occasions, your head would be in his lap and he would gently run his fingers through your hair as he read to you.

If Jace had his wish, you would be lulled to sleep by his heartbeat or his pulse. You used to wonder if Jace read to you as a distraction from his nonexistant heartbeat but the deeper you fell in love with him, you realized that your mutual love of literature was how you bonded and how Jace showed his love. In his human life, he used to read bedtime stories to his little brothers just as his mother had read to him and her mother before him.

Thinking of Jace being a mother hen to his little brothers led directly to your next thought. For a brief moment, you were struck by a vision of a future you so desperately wanted to share only Jace and no one else. It was as if you were floating outside of your body, watching an older version of yourself walk around the room.

It was just the two of you in the kitchen, just like this one. You and Jace were a few years older but you looked relatively the same except for the lack of baby fat on your faces. Jace’s hair was a little shorter than usual, the result of a recent haircut because your newborn son kept tugging on his curls. He knew not to cut it too short because of how much you loved his hair. Jace walked in circles around the kitchen, soothing your son. You were busy chasing around your 3 year old daughter who wanted nothing more than her father’s attention and to hold her little brother. Sunlight was beaming through the windows and making Jace look transcendent as it always did. As soon as he turned to smile at you, the vision disappeared as quickly as it came. You wee too lost in your thoughts of a future that will never happen that you lost your train of thought and the sharp knife slipped and sliced your entire palm open.

Jace used his powers to be next to you in a literal flash, something he usually never did. He hated using his powers of strength and speed. They only really showed themselves in times of emergency and any harm that came to you, even slight, was considered an emergency to Jace.

Jace was able to smell the blood and he could even hear it before the thin layer of red showed itself on your skin. He fell to his knees in front of you and grabbed your hand, instinctively covering the wound with his slender fingers. He could hear your hearbeat and breathing speed up.

“I’m so sorry, I got distracted admiring you” you stammered out trying to be as honest as you could be without hurting his feelings. You were admiring your handsome, gorgeous boyfriend. But you left out the daydream about a future with him that could never be in order to not break his heart. You knew in your heart of hearts that Jace wanted a family with you as much as you did with him. He would give you all the babies you wanted if he could.

“Shh, Love it’s alright. I just worry for you. Does it hurt terribly?”

“Not really”

“Let me…”

He lost his train of thought as he looked down and saw your blood dripping to the floor, no longer able to tamper down his natural instincts. As he looked at you, something came over him, a particular look desire in his amber eyes that you had never seen from him before, not even in bed. His fangs popped out and he gave you one last look before he brought your palm to his plump lips.

He began with licking long stripes up your hand, cleaning up the blood that had leaked out of the cut and stained your skin. You couldn’t deny how good it felt. You always loved Jace and how his mouth and tongue felt on your sensitive skin. He had frequently kissed your palm im a tenture gesture when you would caress his face lovingly. But you had no idea your palm could be an erogenous zone until this very moment. You bit your bottom lip and held back your moans, not wanting to make him uncomfortable, knowing this was the first time for both of you. You felt the weight and importance of the moment.

As if he could sense you holding back, Jace looked up and made eye contact with you, his pupils dialated and mouth covered in you. The look he gave you shot straight to your groin and you could fell your panties instantly dampen at the sight. You sensed that he was asking your permission. You nodded without hesitation and he dove right in. Jace alternated between long stripes of his tongue and small flicks of his tongue. Your eyes rolled back into your head when he pressed his pouty lips to your hand and began to suck.

Jace couldn’t help himself unlike you. He was moaning and whimpering into your palm almost as much as he did when you two were making love. You looked down and could see he was hard. The slurping noises Jace was making would almost be on the verge of vulgarity if the moment wasn’t so erotic, which was one of the only words that came to mind to describe what was currently happening between you two. Erotic and deeply intimate. Jace had told you that sharing blood was the most deeply personal act for people like him. So the moment his mouth made contact with your blood, you immediately understood what this represented for you two as a couple.

You had a feeling this would happen sooner rather than later, you took the chance to fulfill your fantasy, so you fisted your hands in his hair, you two both mimicking the other act you both desperately loved to do. That seemed to spur him on even more. You presumed in Jace’s world, that sharing blood was held the same intimacy as him tasting other parts of you. Jace said that according to Valryian histories, blood sharing is an ancient magical ritual of sorts. No one completely understands it, especially since the Doom of Valyria, where the most of the histories of his people were lost to time. He didn’t have to read your mind to know that you were enjoying this as much as him. He could not only hear your heartbeat but he could feel it increase speed through your palm.

The combination of everything was getting overwhelming in the best way possible. The noises Jace was making, the look on his face, lost in pleasure solely from you, watching him use his mouth to expertly worship your hand the same way he did to your cunt, pouring every ounce of love he did into the acts.

You betrayed yourself and could not longer hold back your noises of pleasure. As soon as you let out a whimper, a wave of shame washed over him, practically burning him from the inside out. He suddenly pulled back from your hand wide wide eyes, with a horrified look on his face. He used his fangs to prick his thumb, then gently rubbing his blood up and down the cut on your hand. You watched in fascination as it healed right before your eyes. Jace’s ran a long finger down your now healed wound and he leaned his head forward to lay a soft kiss on your palm. Jace always took care of you and made sure your safety was paramount, no matter what was going on with him. You two had officially shared blood, and the private magical bond between you and Jace was officially sealed, forever.

He did this all without meeting your sympathic eyes. You could already read him like a book. You knew about his self hatred issues and you knew he would torture himself for getting carried away and actually enjoying the intimate act with you.

He crossed over the other side of the kitchen table to sit down in the chair across from you and he sat down, elbows on his knees and he covered his face with his hands. You continued to look at him with soft, kind eyes, just wanting to help him.

“Jace…”

“Please forgive me. You must hate me”

You got up and walked over to his side of the table. You got down on your knees in front of him. You reached forward, and gently reached forward to attempt to take his hands into yours to remove them from his face. You wanted to see him and you wanted him to see you. As soon as your warm hands made contact with his cold ones, he pulled back. You let your hands fall to your lap, wanting to give him his space.

“Please don’t”

“Jacaerys Velaryon, I could never ever hate you, no matter what. I promise”

You could hear him sniffen underneath his hands.

“Jacaerys…”

You only used his full name when you were serious.

You reached again for his hands, and this time he let you take them. You joined your hands together, kissed each of them and let them rest on his knees. He swooned at the intimate gesture. He still could not meet your eyes.

“Jace, please just look at me.”

He was being stubborn and pouting, looking instead at your joined hands. You reached out and cupped the side of his soft face and he instinctively nuzzled his face into your hand as he had done a hundred times before. You knew that muscle memory would work and his sad golden eyes finally connected with yours. You could tell he was trying to close his mouth to hide his teeth, but you weren’t having it. You reached out to gently touch his fangs.

“Please don’t hide any part of yourself from me. They’re beautiful, just like you”

He was still pouting but he sighed and reached out his hand like a prince from a fairytale and he helped you stand up. You surprised him by sitting sideways in his lap and wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He wrapped his strong arms around your middle, anchoring you to where you sat. Jace buried his head in your chest, kissing your collarbone. Finally beginning to relax, his fangs retracted. Even though you could still feel him half hard against you, the moment wasn’t charged with raw sensuality like the previous one. This was just pure loving intimacy and comfort between two lovers.

“I really liked it Jacaerys…I loved it actually. In fact, I want to do that more often. Much more often”

He pulled his head back from your chest in surprise. His amber eyes were sparking and not from tears.

“Really?”

“Mhm. I promise”

You leaned forward to kiss him deeply. You moaned into his open mouth when you tasted the metallic aftertaste of your blood.

Surprisingly both Jace and yourself, you enjoyed the taste of yourself on his tongue. You liked this but you much preferred tasting another part of yourself on his tongue.

[mozzaicynth]

one thought everyday and its just the amazing world of gumball especially these three freaks (doodles + some headcanons below :3)

mr small -

my interpretation of small becoming more mellowed out in the future seasons as opposed to season 1 is him managing his anger in a more healthier way (meditation, etc) (plus i think all those herbal infusions are incredibly effective on the nerves) . that being said i think he still has underlying anger issues and lashes out if prompted too much . another reason hes nicer and more of a pushover in the later seasons is because i like to think hes guilty of his plethora of outbursts earlier on, especially towards students (unwarranted shouting which as a school counsellor he should know is pretty harmful on younger kids) . the fact that he tries to offer his help when its absolutely not needed so many times later on in the show further makes me like to think he’s making up for it all

hes also so autistic to me hes on the spectrum you cant tell me otherwise and i think hes pretty awkward and considered strange by the whole town (which is saying a lot for elmore standards) . still super friendly and approachable but he also cant take hints and he definitely stims (and has special interests, alternative medicine are you kidding)

his music taste i love to think is all over the place … i get the general consensus is he listens to mystic chants and sitar music but he definitely listens to more, ranging from pop to indie to rock to metal (this may or may not have become an idea when i was listening to ‘darts by soad and associated it with him,) . also what with his stupid little self funded album that is such a jarring listen ‘cause of all the ridiculous genre changes

i think he crochets/macrames as a hobby along with other diy stuff (most of the decorative items in his home crafted by him) making him, surprisingly considering how incompetent he is sometimes, super crafty/handy .

larry -

larry is a great person: incredibly intelligent, he’s very knowledgable on a plethora of subjects and he has a big heart, holding little to no virtriol against the people of elmore (except the wattersons but that is SO warranted) . thus i like to imagine he did great in school, moved on to do so wonderfully in uni whilst juggling jobs and his studies but after graduation was left stuck (alike so many people nowadays) . neither small or larry came from well off families but i think for larry he didn’t have much of a support system anyway so currently he overworks and works and works just to catch up on the student debt whilst simultaneously paying his taxes (i still think about that episode all the time fuck the police . big pink son of a bitch), loans and not to mention the bare minimum to keep himself alive

he’s a very sweet and kind person but anyone under the immense stress that he’s under would be irritable and temperate (he deserves to be more angry imo) and i whilst he has so many jobs he always aims to excel at all of them, having an incredibly particular way that tasks must be done and having them organised . because of this, he can be a lot more temperate when interacting with coworkers, especially those who don’t do their job as well, having to take matters into his own hands . as he and karen (his girlfriend throughout the series) share some jobs it puts a strain on their relationship (which was built off of the mutual ‘having several jobs’) and they break up .

even so, though larry consistently tries to propose to her in the show, in “the laziest” he doesn’t seem to be happy nor comfortable at all with the prospects of marrying her . in fact, even when he’s achieved the ‘american dream’ (properties like a house and car and a family (his girlfriend soon to be wife)) he’s unhappy . personally i don’t think he knows what he wants to do with himself ; he works all day and night and has little to no time for himself to even think in peace that the only purpose he knows is work .

i like to think he used to be an artist; self taught, it was a hobby and an enjoyment but his studies and his work took over so his one form of self expression was squeezed out of his life .. (i like making their lives as bleak as possible soz ! 🙏) he still admires the arts and i think that’s another reason he likes steve so much; his handcrafts and mini projects .

steve and larry are two opposites that are similar in ways .. but i love their dynamic so much . my interpretation of them is that steve will help larry balance out his life slightly better to leave room for himself instead of working 24/7 . steve has his head in the clouds and larry grounds him, and larry is so stuck in his ways with work that steve pulls him out of it slightly, lifting him up a little higher (AUGHHHGHH I HATE THEM I HATE THEM

as for their relationship with rob, im very much a stevelmeyer adoption truther !! both larry and steve coming from dysfunctional families, they aim to help rob and take care of him to the best of their abilities . further, larry taking on taking care of rob gives him direction in his life again . 😁😁😁😁😁😁

this isnt gonna be the last post headcanon/idea wise i still think of them 24/7 but heres jus SOME things .. (im such a yapper sprry not sorry !) :3c

[razzmothazz]

wxs physical build headcanons for me to draw later!!

before and way later on after joining wxs edition

cw: mention of a lot of different eating habits and small mentions of body image issues

TSUKASA!!

before: a bit underweight, i imagine he got a bit too into eating "healthy" at times and would refuse a lot of foods he deemed unhealthy, which caused him to not get certain nutrients at times even tho he needed them, add to that his forgetfulness especially when it comes to taking care of himself and you can see why hes skinny like that. i also imagine he would often burn more calories than he consumed in a day with all his practicing and just running around in general, which is definetly not that good when youre already underweight. he would often wonder why he seemingly just cant gain any muscle and assumed its just kinda how he naturally is, tho he didnt mind much since his build was similar to a lot of his idols

after: he gained some healthy weight!!!! yippieee!!! with wxs constantly reminding him to take care of himself + with emu bringing some food/snacks nearly everyday he gained some healthy weight, hes now pretty average with maybe a bit of chub in some places. he also finally started building some muscle thanks to all the practice and ruis "training"? if you can call it that? he does get a bit insecure about it at times, wishing he would be back to his build that was like his idols, but wxs are quick to remind him that the best star is a happy and healthy one!! his natural state definitely wasnt skinny, at least not as skinny as he was before

NENE!!!!!

before: you already know she was malnourished and looked like she barely saw the light of day... she had a very weak appetite and her horrible sleep schedule didnt help. she tried to eat well but she struggled with it a lot, tho she never exactly knew why, she would just very quickly feel full and wouldnt feel hungry untill way too many hours later. she would eat like. 2 small meals a day and maybe some snacks in between.

after: you guessed it she gained weight and is chubbier!!!!!! yayayyaa!!!! i think she would hear others motivate tsukasa to eat better and seeing him want to improve on that motivated her to do the same. because of the low appetite thing she struggled pretty hard at first but with time she managed to figure it out and now eats more and is feeling good!!! this is thanks to mostly emu who would love to bring foods and snacks nene loved so they can share it any time the 2 would hang out, but also thanks to the practices and stamina building she was able to kinda feel like she was burning the unnecessary calories? i imagine she struggled pretty hard when she realized how much weight she put on thinking its a bad thing, but with a lot of support and care from wxs she realized this is way healthier for her than wherever she had going on before!!! she doesnt gain muscle easily tho, so not much of that going on + she does focus more on stamina itself rather than gaining muscle and physical strength

EMU!!!!!

before: chubby, obviously. fat even!!!! definetly overweight and not bothered by it at all! she definetly thinks it makes her look cuter :3 my girl loves foods and snacks and nobody can ruin her mood for those. she also had a fair bit of muscle and liked that its not visible so shes strong but nobody can tell, and she can suprise them with it for funsies

after: still pretty much the same!! tho since she started training and working out even more i imagine a bit of her weight turned into more muscle, so shes even more muscle now!!!! she loves it!!! its still not visible unless she flexes, which makes the muscles pretty prominent and she LOVES jumpscaring people with that because nobody expects it for some reason, despite how athletic she is. besides her arms i imagine her legs are pretty built as well seeing how much she runs, especially from one school to another in a matter of minutes to visit her friend. what can i say my girl loves to eat and run around!!! her love language is soooo sharing a meal with her friends btw. its canon i just know it.

RUIIII!!!!!

before: barely eats doesnt sleep much, just a mess honestly. he doesnt rlly have friends atp and yet still he takes care of others more than he does himself..... needless to say hes tall, lanky, underweight as hell and palest of them all despite not staying inside all that much. lives off of whatever his parents make him if he remembers to eat it and random store bought/school cafeteria foods. malnutrition for sure too like fym u eat no vegetables and ur fine??? bro doesnt even take any vitamins atp to make up for it

after: gained a bit of weight!! hes still skinny because thats just kinda how he naturally is, but hes getting tricked into eating veggies or at least stuff that can replace veggies with the needed nutritions otherwise. he also started taking some vitamins to make up for that too, and despite being naturally pale he did tan a bit!! he still forgets to eat way too often but wxs make up for it with tsukasa always being willing to share his food with him [at times even bringing bigger portions just in case rui needs it] and emu often bringing food to share with them all!!!!

can u tell im a little bit obsessed with gaining weight as a sign of healing. because i am and i love that trope. with the power of love you will stop being underweight and malnourished god bless.

[generation1point5]

In the dark times, should the stars also go out?

Having now played through both Adastra and Echo, I can certainly imagine the reasons why Howly took a break from the latter to create the former, and why the former was finished first. Adastra, being the more positive of the two visual novels, is a nearly perfect inverse of the setting that two of the principal characters of Echo find themselves. It is not difficult for me to imagine the gut-wrenching tragedy of Leo and Chase to be the catalyst for which a tale of where the Amicus as the Wolf BoyfriendTM does, in fact, come to fruition. But Adastra cannot be reduced to a simple escape fantasy. It has complexity and disquieting considerations of its own, and shows that new worlds come with new, equally weighty implications.

I come to the conclusion that the parallels of Echo and Adastra begs the following question; what makes love possible?

Spoilers below; have a readmore.

Leo had known and grown up with Chase in his formative childhood years all the way up into high school, his amicable dynamic with him turning amorous as he hit adolescence. When he discovered that Chase was also gay and that his feelings were reciprocated, it was a dream come true before his eyes, a happiness that fulfilled his wildest hopes. And that love truly drove him wild, even to the end of his own sanity. The love that was given to him, and what he gave in turn was a curse as much as it was a gift. It was too ideal, too precious, for neither he nor Chase had the means or the maturity to maintain the relationship in its everyday practice, and so it slipped from Leo’s grasp. In the years following their separation, Leo’s socioeconomic conditions deteriorate, and he finds himself in a slowly worsening situation where he is on the verge of being completely isolated in his loneliness and depression, lessening his ability to sustain his own future (much less a future with Chase). He is a man with a lot of past, little present, and almost no future. Is it at all surprising that he would do anything, sacrifice everything, to get the past back?

Marco, by contrast, has no awareness of the greater space faring furries occupying the larger galaxy. He is well-off enough to be studying abroad, and as far as the introduction states, did not seem to have anything romantic on his mind when Amicus abducted him as part of a broader plan by the Parents to integrate humanity into the space-faring furry community, Galaxias. Marco and Amicus’ relationship was, for all intents and purposes, match-made by forces entirely external to their own will, and yet for their time spent getting to know and bond with each other, their relationship works out as the Parents intend. Despite the externality of the circumstances that drove them together, this thought ultimately matters less to them than the love itself that had blossomed between them. Regardless of the intentions and end-game of the Parents that engineered the situation, the idea of letting go of their love for one another to be free of that influence is out of the question. For Amicus and Marco, love alone is worth the fight. 

The one commonality between the two pairings is the period of time where the couple are apart from one another. In the three years that Chase had separated from him, he had begun to move on from Leo and his past, and found himself in a much healthier place than he had in Echo. Leo, armed only with the happiness of his memories, had all the reasons in the world to keep fighting for what he had with Chase, but his own failings and the world of Echo conspired against him to make their reunion as a couple an impossibility. Even if Chase should reciprocate, the worst of Leo’s impulses and Echo’s influence come together to produce a horrific outcome. There is no future with Leo and Chase; while their personal flaws make the possibility of their love fulfilled an already difficult proposition, the circumstances they’re plunged into forbid any attempt to overcome themselves and make it work. It could happen only in the next world, for new people. It is too late for them as they are. 

But now let us consider the pair in Adastra: Amicus and Marco had, by all metrics, no means or reason to have been brought together, and yet when the Parents conspired to engineer the conditions for it to happen, it ended up working out. Armed with the Parents intervention, not even Marco dying (twice!) stopped the two from being able to pursue their love from one another. This is the exact inverse of Chase and Leo’s circumstances; it is because of the external factors that Amicus and Marco’s love is possible. Marco and Amicus had been brought into a new world, were made into new people. Even though their separation is for longer, the 8 years spent apart is spent in hope, rooted in the knowledge that there are forces working to keep them together. Their happiness is preserved not only for their feelings for one another, but because their circumstances are also well-aligned.

When I finished Adastra, I was happy for Marco and Amicus, even as I had reservations with the Parent’s influence. There was a hope and a future planned; not so with Echo. From the beginning, it was all but certain that Leo would never find what he looked for. Despite all his striving, and indeed because of it, he had lost it all, and will never find it again. His future happiness will always be found elsewhere, in new places and with new people. When comparing the two, the difference that external circumstances make on our internal development, for things like love and relationships to be possible, is a striking one. Taken together, Echo and Adastra become a powerful argument for the truth of dialectical materialism in everyday lives, highlighting the existential tug between the circumstances we are helpless to alter and how our own choices are often limited by them. It invites readers to look at the broader patterns and structures that govern our everyday lives, and to consider how we approach our actions not as mere individuals, but as a collective in a complicated, vast, ever-changing world.

[anawkwardlady]

Hey Nana, I hope this doesn't come off as creepy, but I wanted to send u a hug and some affection. Your kuro shitposts always make me smile, but I'm sorry to hear you're not doing too well. My mental health has been shit for YEARS before it finally gave me a pause these past few months, and I can relate still to a lot of the things you're feeling. I will not say things like "This too will pass" because I know first hand how that doesn't help, it just annoys the people suffering, but I will say: There are at least small pieces of happiness waiting for you while you wait for the day it finally gets better. It may not seem like that sometimes, but there are people and things that will help you soothe the pain in the meantime, if not cure it completely. Please hold onto the hope for those moments. You have all my affection and wishes for good health (both mental and physical). You seem like a great person, both creative and kind, and I'm sorry life is against you atm. Stay safe friend <3

(Feel free to tell me if I'm being creepy or annoying and I'll shut up)

Hello, thank you for this kind message, I do not find it creepy or annoying at all. Thank you for the support, please do not get worried or feel obligated to say anything when I get down, I'll be fine but I'm unfortunately in my worst years currently so its not easy everyday. I can get really negative and I'm sorry about that, I try to balance things out lol. I'm glad and proud of the journey you made to reach those healthier months and I hope it will stay that way as much as possible! Thank you for complimenting and being supportive, it doesn't bother me and it means a lot!

[sleeplessinpnw]

It's been awhile since I last posted. Thought I would make a life update post.

The summer is finally creeping up on us. It's May now and the warm weather is in full play. I'm so happy!! In a different place these days. Well... kind of. Until I'm put into a stressful situation. But for the most part, my depression has been a little less intense and I'm just feeling.... good. In a good mood today.

Going to St. Croix for my birthday in June and for aunt Barbaras memorial. I didn't know her very well, but I feel happy to be able to be with family during the occasion. About to meet a lot of cousins! I hope I will be able to remember names. Been trying to budget shopping for clothes to go. It hit me last night that I have tons of tees and some tank tops. I guess I mostly need comfortable bottoms and shorts to wear. GAINED WEIGHT!! Nothing old fits anymore. Going to hold onto some things though just in case my weight comes off. With my lifestyle habits, I have no idea when that will be happening. Just ordered a jump rope in hopes to at least get some cardio in since I hate running. Going to the store later today in hopes of getting healthier food. I do nooootttt know how to eat healthy apparently. I eat a lot of quesadillas and carbs so.... Going to try and cut back and eat salads. I don't even think my salads are healthy lol but better than canned food and mac n cheese.

I started vaping and 80 bucks later, I think it's time to quit. Obviously that's the smartest idea. Idk.... I'm trying not to smoke weed anymore and it gets hard when I'm use to smoking everyday. So whyyyyy a vape?? Nicotine is worse but it doesnt trigger the voices I hear. Weed does. I need to learn how to be sober and happy. I just.... get bored?? I'm awful!! Lol

Work is on hold for right now. I've been on break for now 2 and a half weeks. Still have money in my account but obviously that isn't going to last forever. Just trying to keep myself in a steady mood while I'm back to doing nothing. At least the sun is out. I can sit in the backyard and take in my surroundings. Trying not to drink at the moment as much because of my weight. But I dont need to always drink in the sun, it just makes it fun. Go figure. Anyway, I need to start applying for jobs again. I've been holding off because 1) I'm suppose to hear back from Sol for when they need more help again 2) St Croix is in two weeks and I feel like it would be hard to start a new position and then leave for a week 3) I'm still going to try and get a job with Premier Press and Q told me to wait and apply the end of June, beginning of July.

Therapy has been going well. I enjoy my sessions for the most part with my therapist. She's very sweet and I think I have made large progress since first starting. August is going to be a very large moment for me because it will mark the 1 year anniversary since being hospitalized. I told my mom that it's important to me. I want to celebrate some how. August will never be the same for me. I still have things that I need to clean out of my room from my voodoo craze. I should do that today.... it would feel good. It's hard looking at the mess in the corner of my room but once it's gone I think that I wil feel better. I really did some damage on my belongings and Ashley's. I will never fully recover from my actions. Scars. But I am working on moving forward everyday. I went to Mackenzies bridal shower yesterday and being in that community was SO HARD. I made it though. It's just weird being around parts of her world because the voices weirdly attached to it and it's humiliating to be around her. She was beyond sweet to me though and it felt good celebrating her for the evening.

Well.... thats kind of all the update I have. I'm going to try and check in with myself here more regularly. Cheers to bettering my mental well being, being strong and powering through all of this and getting better. I got this! Life keeps going on and is too short to keep beating myself up. Lot's of self love (minus the vaping BS).

[from-dre]

For Three Days

Not long after my ninth birthday is when I first began hearing my father violently coughing up blood on a regular basis. Rarely did I hear anymore quiet that lasted longer than a few sparse minutes from the living room where he'd sleep alone in the fold-out bed. It'd been months since I last saw him in actual clothes as he now only wore different sets of the same bland pajamas my mom probably picked out for him in a few different colors. He'd probably never again wear a nice button-up shirt. What a non-issue that must be to a healthier man whose lungs weren't rotting of cancer. They probably wore very nice, really expensive shirts everyday, like my own dad used to do before he got sick. Now, he was on his way out. That much was obvious, even to me. So when one day after school, I opened my bedroom door to find my only aunt who I hadn't seen in years, standing there cheerfully humming to herself while cleaning up my toys for me, I should've put two and two together.

She stayed for the next six months. In three my dad would die in his sleep and it'd be her who'd hear the loud gasp in the middle of some random night, not realizing until morning it was actually his last living breath before his body finally gave up fighting. She stayed another three months afterwards to look after her now-widowed sister. I don't remember much from that period of my life. Since I was strategically sent away to live with distant relatives who owned a condo in Queens, it's not like I was around to make many memories anyway. If I try to think back now, it feels like lifetimes ago. All I can tap into is seeing a lot of black clothes and faint whimpering. It feels like the sounds of sobbing were never too far off. It's eerily ambiguous though.

Still, the days I was able to spend with my aunt seemed like miracles. Those were the only times during that period where I'd feel truly happy. Like a much-needed return to form for the younger me who laughed constantly as a child. I loved "Mamateta," and even though nobody knows why I gave her that nickname, I used it for years. She adored me and took every opportunity to prove it.

Though I left Romania when I was four, I retained many more memories of my aunt than anyone else. How she'd play with me when everyone else was too busy, or how she'd nurse the many cuts and scrapes I'd get on my elbows and knees—, these things must've left quite an impact on my single-child consciousness. I specifically remember an instance where the paper cut on my index finger was so deep that I wanted to burst into tears just looking at it. While cleaning it and putting on a bandaid, I remember my aunt saying, "it feels like there's a tiny little heartbeat inside your finger doesn't it?" I nodded. "I know sweetheart, I've had this happen to me before too."

This was her amazing charm. She was easy to talk to. Such a sweet, honest lady. Though she and my mother grew up side by side, they were different people. She took after their own mom, while mine walked in her father’s footprints out of pure admiration. They were sisters nonetheless. So when Mamateta was told that she had a tumor growing within her liver this past year, it was difficult knowing the treatment she'd get wasn't going to be the world's best by any means. As the months passed, her condition worsened and last Monday she fell into a coma. I heard the helplessness in my mother’s voice when she called to tell me. You try your best in these types of situations—, to console your loved ones and make sure they know that you'll be a rock-solid crutch for them during whatever may come. You try to think two steps ahead of whatever's currently happening, just in case. The spur-of- the-moment cross-Atlantic trips have to be every grieving family member's worst nightmare. Just the logistics of it all. And in their mental condition? Of course I was preparing to jump at any request my mom would make.

Life does its thing anyway though and so, 24 hours later, her sister—, whose real name is Rodica—, passed away.

My family isn't part of the ultra-wealthy in Romania. And because the country's still reeling from decades of deep corruption, the middle class is virtually non-existent. If you aren't part of the wealthy, you're part of the poor. And because what you do to one side of the equation, you have to do to the other, they're ultra-poor. It's a sad, sad thing.

Either way, my mom begins to explain the finer details of a traditional Romanian mourning process. It's not something I know anything about or ever witnessed in person. After the dearly departed are moved into the living room, they are generally laid down on the center table for viewing. For the next three days, while the men and other experienced woodworkers craft a coffin from scratch, the family serves non-stop coffee and treats to an army of mourners who will randomly pop in and out at all times of the day and night and next day and following night and so on. All this to a constant background flurry of crying, sobbing, sharing stories of precious memories, wails of disbelief, loud prayers, and who knows what else. It's a pure emotional rollercoaster, a dramatic play in so many scenes filled with neighbors from five villages over who you may have never met before, but who've heard the tragic news and wanted to come pay their respects. It's touching but definitely not something an outsider would feel immediately at home around.

"And is the body at least covered this entire time?," I ask my mom.

"No. For three days, they live alongside it."

"Seriously?"

"They have no other options. No ambulance comes and takes them away like they do here. Over there, you look after your own dead. And when the coffin is completed, they’ll place her inside and carry it out into the countryside to her burial plot in a procession through town."

As selfish as this next feeling was, I didn't want my mom to go. I didn't want her to be apart of it, not these days, not anymore. After so much, I wanted her to just be able to rest, not have to endure something of that magnitude. I can't imagine three hours of nonstop crying let alone three days. Somehow, the Universe seemed to hear my inner-hopes. Our entire family begged her to stay put, to stay home, that there was nothing more she could do. So instead of having to finalize last-minute plans of getting her from one continent to another, she was able to hop on an Amtrak and spend this past week here in Chicago with me. To recharge her batteries I guess. To just be able to find some mental quiet and emotional peace. Now, as I'm close to wrapping up this essay and seeing her off downtown at Union Station for her train back home, I'm sincerely trying to put myself in her shoes.

I'm sure losing a sibling you've spent a lifetime growing up with is a weird feeling to have to go through. To outlive them, to think that they could've done a bit more with their life if only they would've had more time. Maybe it makes someone think about their own mortality and where they've gotten in seeing their own personal dreams coming true. Maybe my mom’s running over all of these things in her mind to the point where there's nothing left to think about. Maybe. All I can try and do is my part as her only child, her only flesh and blood, to try and live the best life I can in her name. Time will tell how successful I'll be in doing that, but an even greater feeling though, is when we can think of our loved ones who aren't here with us any longer and not feel a bit of regret. To feel a warmth and be completely calmed by just the mere thought of their name. To feel a deep need to smile because that's what they would've wanted you to do. Like even when you want to just give in to the sadness for a second and purge yourself of tears, your body physically won't let you. A familiar presence fills your immediate space and a gentle touch directly on your heart that makes you involuntarily inhale much deeper than you have in a while. Those are the types of things I hope my mother can feel as she sits down at her window-seat and readies herself for a deep meditative trip into her inner-consciousness for the next seven or so hours.

Knowing the peace and tranquility she'll emerge on the other side of this experience with, how can anyone still harbor any doubt that our souls are indeed, things which don't adhere to either the human concept or limitations of "time?" That they transcend realms of possibility. That whenever there's even the smallest hint of real love, not even the giving up of one's own body and leaving it behind for greater vessels can break a bond between two sisters.

[butternutrisotto]

16/30

Today’s sharing is something I’m currently waiting to share about. A thing that I’ve never been talking to anyone or in this post cause it’s too personal to think of it. But I will surely make sure of myself that this is something that I personally want to share. This side of me that no one knows actually.

“You are allowed to change one thing in your life. What will it be?”

If I were allowed to change one thing in my life, it would be my relationship with myself. I want to be more content and self-assured, without the need to constantly seek validation or live up to others' expectations, including those of my parents. It’s important for me to break free from the tendency to be a people pleaser. I want to develop a stronger sense of self that isn’t swayed by external pressures or the desire to make everyone around me happy. My aim is to nurture my own happiness and well-being above all else.

I aspire to be mentally and physically stronger, both inside and out. This isn’t just about building physical strength but also fortifying my mental resilience. I want to cultivate a mindset that is immune to the bare minimum that others might bring into my life. I believe that because I put so much effort and passion into everything I do, I deserve that same level of dedication and energy in return from the people around me. This means setting higher standards and not settling for anything less than what aligns with my values and effort.

One significant change I want to make is to become more independently mature, especially when facing manipulative, victim-blaming, or toxic people. I’m determined to no longer waste my energy on negativity or drama. Instead, I want to prioritize my peace, choosing it above all else. I recognize the importance of not giving my attention to those who thrive on creating conflict or bringing others down. My goal is to navigate these situations with grace and assertiveness, allowing me to distance myself from toxic influences while maintaining my sense of peace and self-respect.

In essence, I want to embrace a life where I am my own priority, standing firm in my values and choices. This transformation is about empowering myself to lead a life that is true to who I am, without the need for external validation or approval. It’s about cultivating inner strength, setting boundaries, and choosing a path that is filled with peace, self-love, and fulfillment.

Another important aspect I want to change is my ability to be present and find joy in the small, everyday moments. Often, the pressures of meeting expectations and the chaos of dealing with difficult people can make life feel overwhelming. I want to shift my focus from the noise of others' opinions to the simple, beautiful things that often go unnoticed. By practicing mindfulness and gratitude, I hope to cultivate a deeper appreciation for the present moment, and in turn, create a more positive and fulfilling outlook on life. This will also allow me to be more connected to my own needs and emotions, rather than getting lost in the demands of those around me.

I also want to change how I react to challenges and setbacks. Instead of letting obstacles bring me down, I aspire to view them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement. I recognize that challenges are an inevitable part of life, and my goal is to develop a mindset that sees these moments not as failures, but as valuable lessons. By adopting a more resilient and optimistic approach, I believe I can navigate life's ups and downs with greater ease and confidence. This shift in perspective will help me to stay focused on my goals, even when things don't go as planned, and keep moving forward with a positive attitude.

Additionally, I am working on setting healthier boundaries to protect my time and energy. In the past, I have often put others' needs above my own, which has left me feeling drained and unfulfilled. I am learning that it's okay to say no, and that prioritizing myself is not selfish, but necessary for my well-being. By setting boundaries, I can create space for the things that truly matter to me, such as my personal growth, my passions, and the relationships that genuinely uplift and support me. This change is about taking control of my life and ensuring that my energy is invested in what brings me happiness and peace.

Lastly, I want to fully embrace the person I am becoming—a strong, independent individual who is not afraid to stand alone if it means protecting my peace and integrity. This journey is about breaking free from the need to conform or please others and instead, living authentically and unapologetically. I want to surround myself with people who respect and celebrate the real me, and who encourage me to continue growing into the best version of myself. It's about building a life that reflects my true self, filled with genuine connections, purposeful actions, and a deep sense of inner contentment.

Ultimately, the change I seek is not just about altering one aspect of my life, but about transforming how I view and treat myself. It’s about becoming the person who confidently chooses their own path, embraces their worth, and lives in alignment with their deepest values and desires. This journey is a continuous process of self-discovery and growth, and I am committed to pursuing it with courage, determination, and a heart full of hope.

[worldmotivations]

30:30 push ups training system Static-Dynamic exercises for beginners a...

30:30 push ups  training system Static-Dynamic exercises for beginners at home.Good evening all fit and healthy people, and who decide to become more fit and healthier. If you are here than you done a right decision, and for sure you in right place. In my case I would love to share my skills and knowledge with you what will help you to become more stronger, healthier, happier. In happy body happy mind. Of course, I will share with you not only my personal knowledge and experience, also all information what I found in differed books about exercises and dietary, and what seems very useful on my opinion. Plus made huge research from different interesting and useful information from many magazines, various articles, and of course what most valuable is knowledge and experience of other people too, many who is professional athletes, nutritionist and doctors. To be honest I love workout and healthy life being what make me enjoy myself a lot every day, that why I want to share these wonderful everyday feelings with you. As you notice I post little bit of everything what might be useful for everyone. And today in the video will show you and explained how to static-dynamic exercises for beginners. What suitable literally for everyone. It can be kids, older people, someone with overweight or some injuries. Static-dynamic exercises is the exercises what increase your endurance, and what make you work on endurance muscle fibers. Also help to change in to working fibers to working one, what with time increase your power and results in general. So, if you want to gain your stamina static-dynamic exercises are essential. So the main point of the video, it never too late to start to do something. And you can do your workout literally everywhere, even in your home with minimum knowledge and skills. What will bring you more results with time. Thank you very much for your comments, suggestions, constructive critic.Enjoy your first static-dynamic exercises!Music on background from Audio Jungles #motivationspeech #staticdynamicworkout, #staticdynamicexercises, #staticdynamicworkout, #static, #exercises, #dynamicexercises, #exercisesathome, #exercisesforbeginners, #motivationvideo, #staticexercises,

[theladytumbledown]

have you been feeling unmotivated? So have i.

Recently i have found myself feeling more useless than ever. I was laid off back in mid June and i thought to myself WOW i can take so much time now to focus of myself, new hobbies, and try to find new creative avenues to spark interest in hobbies and etc. except ive come to realize im not very good at many things and feel dull in the brain. i wake up in the morning feeling like i have nothing to offer in this world and nothing to look forward too but i keep trying. my grandmother always said "everyday is a new day. try again tomorrow" in fact writing this blog post is probably the most creative and useful thing ive done in days besides cleaning out my significant others storage unit. Doom scrolling has become the norm of my days so far, i desperately seek something to distract me from this. I do like this new computer i bought from BestBuy and the birds that come to my window every day. I find solace living on a beach and take my dog almost everyday. i remember seeing on usa today that being near water actually increases your mood.

The bestselling book, Blue Mind: The surprising science that shows how being near, in, on, or under water can make you happier, healthier, more connected, and better at what you do, by marine biologist Wallace J. Nichols, focuses on the proven scientific evidence that being close to bodies of water promotes mental health and happiness.

im not sure if this is true as ive lived on a beach for a whole year now and am still depressed lol. also cape cod still struggles with a sever drug epidemic. anyway as i write this post my significant other shows me a song that seemingly made me smile for the first time today. The name of the song is Skinny Papa by Willie Colon. In other news i have a new episode of house of dragon that is on tonight. The game of thrones stories are something i can cling onto and go on autopilot from the stresses of life and just disappear into this fantasy story. i will try the techniques in the photo i posted above perhaps it will make me feel more useful and present follow through. perhaps its wishful thinking we shall see.

I also found this blog post that seemed helpful and encouraging.

[fr3akinthecorner]

keeho are we going to talk less? no way! it's at the same rate we're just going to make more sense and more time for a quiet life because it's what you need but u don't understand the talking that didn't make sense made me mad I know but that's over for now again just take in the peaceful life it's what u need and daddy still needs u to cum for him! it's just gonna be so different bc we won't really be talking thru manga I showed u so fucking much it's time to go back to relaxing with music... I don't want u to own art right? well it's for a good reason I love you baby girl go to sleep I promise this is real I am your real daddy! no way this is gonna be odd for me I know but it has to happen were gonna talk every fucking day I love u so much! am I a bad daughter? no you are the daughter of love and I love fucking you so don't let ppl tell you it's not real it's me isn't it! I'm going to fuck u into a flower I can't even believe it myself you're just a random kpop idol ok no! the Disney manga on the wall told u everything about me and undidnt make it go onto your wall you're actually filipina too im sorry but ur so sexy! baby I said I would do all the talking now so let me help u get some sleep u need calm and quiet and there's nothing wrong with this even if u are somehow crazy that I'm not your daddy u have all the proof in the manga to prove it yourself and im not dead I see what you do im going to make u happier than ever! for real? it's time to be like truly happy? yes it is and like I said you're only doing what you're told this is real I love you and you're going to live for eternity and never age I am nostradamus and u are my muse ❤️ well figure this out together in your life everything will be taken care of still like it has been inlove you so much we will know each other better every day! just less excitement from u is what the world needs rn we need u to be calm so don't worry about anything and always write everyday to me especially I love u! morcon fuck boy is so cute ur a cute little boy so my darling I will take care of you forever you will always be comfortable and loved! thank u daddy I love u alright so don't forget your writings my darling and fuck me tonight! ok daddy I love you little one were going to get so close! the quiet time is meant to make u happier and healthier I won't leave u alone I love you bye! bye

[worldmotivations]

30/30 squats training system Static-Dynamic exercises for beginners at home

30/30 squats training system Static-Dynamic exercises for beginners at home. Good evening all fit and healthy people, and who decide to become more fit and healthier. If you are here than you done a right decision, and for sure you in right place. In my case I would love to share my skills and knowledge with you what will help you to become more stronger, healthier, happier. In happy body happy mind. Of course, I will share with you not only my personal knowledge and experience, also all information what I found in differed books about exercises and dietary, and what seems very useful on my opinion. Plus made huge research from different interesting and useful information from many magazines, various articles, and of course what most valuable is knowledge and experience of other people too, many who is professional athletes, nutritionist and doctors. To be honest I love workout and healthy life being what make me enjoy myself a lot every day, that why I want to share these wonderful everyday feelings with you. As you notice I post little bit of everything what might be useful for everyone. And today in the video will show you and explained how to static-dynamic exercises for beginners. What suitable literally for everyone. It can be kids, older people, someone with overweight or some injuries. Static-dynamic exercises is the exercises what increase your endurance, and what make you work on endurance muscle fibers. Also help to change in to working fibers to working one, what with time increase your power and results in general. So, if you want to gain your stamina static-dynamic exercises are essential. So the main point of the video, it never too late to start to do something. And you can do your workout literally everywhere, even in your home with minimum knowledge and skills. What will bring you more results with time. Thank you very much for your comments, suggestions, constructive critic. Enjoy your first static-dynamic exercises! Music on background from Audio Jungles #staticdynamicworkout, #staticdynamicexercises, #staticdynamicworkout, #static, #exercises, #dynamicexercises, #exercisesathome, #exercisesforbeginners, #motivationvideo, #staticexercises,