#dang i gotta figure out these two's ship name

[kanerallels]

Maybe Saville and Galen are so amazing because they lean on each other so often and so mutually. He helps her navigate the king's anger and she washes the blood off his hands after he loses the rangers and they plan and figure things out together and he makes her laugh and she helps him see more clearly it's just so SHAPED I am OBSESSED

[honey-coloured-passion]

Surprise! (Sapnap x Reader)

Request: “Sapnap X Reader where he surprises the reader while she’s streaming”

Words: 1.5k

“Hello chat how are your days going? Good, bad? Finals!? Oh my gosh I hate finals dude I’m so sorry f to pay respects,” you paused to stretch and adjust your headset as you had just started your stream. “I’m kinda just bored today chat so what should we do? Mods can you all run a poll or something?” You glanced at your discord and saw messages from Sap.

“Hey angel!”

“Oh you’re streaming!”

“You look cute on stream” 

You rolled your eyes but chat caught you blushing and saw that Sapnap was viewing the stream, and immediately lost it. They’d been shipping the two of you for months, but little did they know you guys had been dating for three months, since you met up in person for the first time. It hadn’t felt like the right time to announce to the world and you’d wanted to establish your relationship privately before telling the fans, but that didn’t mean you’d had a couple slip ups leading the fans to theorize. 

This included you calling Sapnap various forms of babe, bubs, Nick, love etc. Same went for Sap who gets teased for endlessly rushing to your defense on the SMP and responding casually when you call him a pet name, almost like he does it all the time... yeah, chat was on to the two of you. 

“Shut up guys and tell me what we’re doing today! We could go grind netherite tools and chill? How does that sound?” the SMP always got a resounding yes, and just like that you were off, the SMP had won the poll anyways. 

You messaged Sap in discord, “wanna call for the stream?” and quickly he was on the call with you. 

“Hello Mr. Sapitus Napitus, how’s your day going on this fine Friday?” you laughed as you ran through the nether, having just collected enough wool and planks to make beds. “It’s going, I was bored as heck so I wound up here, what about you?” You knew the longer end to that story, his family was out and he thought editing would take longer but now he was stuck at home. “Same same, I’m chillin and got bored after scrolling on Tiktok for like two hours so now I’m here!” You moved on, blowing up the nether hunting for netherite scrap while talking with chat.

A familiar notification went off, “water check from, um ,GogySupremacy420,000, oh my god what a username. Alright everyone drink some water! This is good I haven’t drank water since like breakfast.” you heard Sap pipe up, “you’ve eaten since breakfast right?” you rolled your eyes, “nope I’ll eat after stream don’t worry Simpnap” tacking on the nickname earned a scoff from the simp himself. “Not a simp,” he answered, giving you a punch in the game making you hit him back. After a mini fight ending in you threatening to place a bed and effectively kill the both of you, you were back to mining. 

“Hey I’ve gotta go drive and grab something want me to stay on call though?” your head whipped to discord to look for another message, knowing Sap didn’t have anywhere to be tonight. But there was nothing. “Oh I don’t mind, chat and I enjoy your company!” you said with a grin. You’d made it to enchanting now, having found all the netherite you needed.

As you sat on the spider spawner you heard Sap get in the car, the familiar beep of him unlocking his car and the revving of the engine making you laugh, “you’re car is literally so old I’m surprised it starts,” you heard Sapnap scoff, “old?! don’t you dare speak to her like that, she’s beautiful,” you rolled your eyes, Callahan who must’ve been on your stream quickly piped up in the game chat “Y/n is jealousss!” now it was your turn to be offended, “you think I’d be jealous of a bucket of rusty bolts and oil? No chance,” you laughed, checking chat as they were spamming JealousChamp. “Whatever you say ba- Y/n,” Sapnap played it off with a cough and you quickly changed the subject to how much XP you would need for all your tools. 

“Hey I’ve gotta go on deafen real quick be back soon!” Sap’s voice flooded your mic, he must’ve brough the mic close to his mouth because his smooth and deep voice curled around the mic perfectly, sending shivers down your spine as his warm tone filled your headphones. “B-bye” you choked out, pretending to adjust your headset as you continued killing mobs. “So chat, got any questions to pass this alone time?” you watched the chat speed up, hoping your mods would filter out poor questions. “Favorite. color? Easy who knows? Yup! You guys know me too well. Ooh favorite fast food place? This is hard cuz I don’t wanna say something you all don’t know but I can tell you guys my McDonalds order because it’s immaculate. Do I know Sapnap’s order? This is a good test you guys, I’m pretty sure it’s like an ungodly amount of spicy McChickens and a Dr. Pepper but I swear he changes it like every day.” you laughed, reading out other people’s orders then moved to debating if the icecream machine is actually broken or if the workers are just lazy. They’re lazy, confirmed by workers in chat apparently. 

“I’m back but I have to go in like five minutes, did you miss me?” Sap’s voice flooded your headphones again. As you adjusted his volume you teased, “hmm nope!” to which he began pouting making you laugh at his “baby rage”. Just as you were finishing with enchants on your axe he had to go. “Don’t miss me too much I’ll talk to you later, chat behave yourself I know you all will miss me but just leave y/n open in a muted tab,” he teased making you roll your eyes, “whatever we’re gonna have a super secret conversation after you’re gone about how we only let you on the stream out of pity right chat?” you couldn’t stop smiling and laughing through the teasing. “Okay okay, I actually gotta go, see you soon,” you bid Sapnap farewell and returned to joking with chat, turning on media share to pass some time as you reacted to animatics, hilarious compilations, and the occasional y/n x sapnap video making chat light up as you laughed through the videos. 

As you watched the videos and killed cave spiders you got a text from Sapnap. 

You still streaming?

Yup! Where’d you end up going? you replied.

Open your door and find out

Your breath hitched. “One- one minute chat,” you pulled your headset off and heard a small rustling in your hallway. As soon as you tabbed out of the game you stood up, rushing off camera to fling your door open and,

There he was. His smile was infectious and you couldn’t help yourself from screaming and running into his open arms. As he held you, rocking back and forth, you heard him mumbled. “I missed you”  Into your ear while you clung to him. “I missed you more,” you whispered back, Finally, you released him enough to peck his lips, unable to wipe the grin from your face. “I got food cuz you said you didn’t eat and I figured if I had time I wanted to spend it with you!” your heart practically melted, taking a bag of food in one hand and holding Sapnap’s hand with your other you realized you forgot to mute or end stream.

“Um, so I’m still streaming... what do we do?” you glanced up nervously but Sapnap just started laughing, “oh my god I guess I can say hi so chat doesn’t lose it’s mind,” you swallowed nervously, glancing down at your phone you had been tagged in endless clips of you running off camera then screaming about 15 seconds later. “Yeah better give them an answer,” you giggled.

Rushing back to your setup you saw chat blowing up as you put your headset back on. “Heyyy guys! So yeah, um I guess I can just show you that, we have a special guest!” You gestured to Sapnap to come into frame, pulling up a chair as he sat down next to you. “Yeah I gave y/n a visit cuz I was bored. Hi chat, hello, hello! You guys are going really fast dang,” Sapnap gripped your hand under the table, you squeezed back, leaning into his embrace. “So um, I think Sap and I are gonna hangout, right?” you glanced at him and he nodded, he really hadn’t stopped smiling since he got to your place. “Yup! Maybe if there’s time we’ll go live again I’m not sure! Kinda spur of the moment yeah?” you finished your thought. Saying goodbye to chat you ended stream just a few minutes later.

“We’ve really gotta tell people soon, I wanna be able to hold your hand on camera not just off,” Sapnap said between bites of food. “Yeah, I think it’ll be okay right?” You had always been nervous about stans hating you or people trying to get in between your relationship. “As long as I’ve got you I’m more than fine, I’m- I don’t know I guess I’m pogchamp,” you shook your head, “god you are such a dork,” Sapnap scrunched his nose with a laugh, “I’m your dork though so I’m so special!” and you couldn’t agree more. <3

[purplerose244]

My thoughts on Seabound!!! 🌊🌊🌊 (3/4)

SPOILERS ALERT!!!

Yep yep yep, I'm liking this season a lot! 😍 Although I hope we'll get into a more frantic situation now, like with more battles and more bonding moments (Nya and Maya hopefully, but with Bentho too 🦈🦈🦈)! We got half a season to go, I'M READY!! 😎😎

Alright, here we go!

GENERAL THOUGHTS

I do like the season a lot, maybe MoM was a little more cohesive? Idk but it's not a big complain, I still love it so far 😍

Also maybe I would've liked more interactions between Nya and Maya about how they've been apart for so long, they had a chit chat but I would've loved even more. Maybe with Nya saying that it was fine and she grew up only to realize she is still hurt by that, even though it wasn't Maya's fault. I still like how they did it, I wished there was more that's it 🤷‍♀️

While I do make sense to Maya's behavior, that while it seems a little different from Hands of Time it had its logic in my opinion, maybe Ray feels a little weird? He seems less courageous than before, and it was established that he is a hothead like his son so that came off as unusual 🤔🤔

But I do love the fact that he's here and he's bonding with his son, for real, I've been waiting for this for so long so I'm happy nonetheless 🤩

Maybe I'm just easy to please and I take all I can get idk 😅

THE STORM AMULET

Oh, are we gonna address the wind element? It feels like we haven't really seen a Morro reference since Hands of Time, that would be cool! 😍 I mean, why even mentioning the wind then 😅😅

Well what do you know, they tracked them, who saw that coming?... me, I saw that coming... we all did probably 🤷‍♀️

Jay took upon himself making a quick recap on how Ninjago will be destroyed this time, thanks Bluebell 👌

Yep nyeheh electricity makes Nya go crazy for sure ❤💙 ... wait it wasn't a Jaya pun?

Jay wear your seatbelt please, you risk you life enough 😅😅 Pff lol "are we there yet" and they are actually there, biggest plot twist I've ever heard of 😂

LEGO HUG 💜💜💜

And with someone who might as well join the League of Jay apparently 💙

I liked The Island yet it was not as exciting as I hoped for, but now understand the meaning of it. The ninja helped the keepers and they are all allies. Without The Island the moment where Mammatus gives Nya the amulet wouldn't be as meaningful

Is it just me or Nya looked even more gorgeous during that moment?... just me huh? Okay then 😂💕

Wait that's a fake? Wait... UNCLE POWERS?!? OMG THAT I ACTUALLY DIDN'T SEE COMING 🤯

Here I thought he was just messing around, he always makes things harder 😅 Or maybe better? I mean, they kinda missed a bullet on this one...

BENTHO IS SO SWEET AND COOL OMG HE IS ALREADY OUR FRIEND 💙🦈💙🦈

Jay somehow had his own TV show in the past and yet he's got that horrible acting skills wth 😂😂😂

Kalmaar is a very cool villain, like, deeply evil. Not only he's calculated and merciless, he stops at nothing to get what he wants. And the people that get in the way? He wants them to suffer because they had dared to confront him 😳

And yes the voice does help a lot, I'm sorry I'll keep saying it until the season is over 😂 (or even beyond? Please cast Giles again LEGO 🥺🥺🥺)

Awww Nya no my poor girl 😢 Jay wanted to hug her to comfort her he is so sweet my SHIP ❤💙❤💙

MOM PEP TALK MOM PEP TALK!!! 🤩🤩🤩 How cool was it?

Like, this isn't even Maya asking Nya to believe in herself, this is her saying that she KNOWS her daughter can do anything when she puts her mind into it. FINALLY SHE SEES HOW AMAZING WATER GODDESS IS 💜💜💜

MORE LEGO TEARS OMG THIS SEASON IS FILLED WITH TEARS 😱 Which... kinda makes sense considering it's a water based season 😂

Nice one, and now? NOW WE GO BACK TO KAI COLE AND RAY YAS!!! ❤🖤❤🖤

RIDDLE OF THE SPHINX

That is... surprisingly Egypt theme like? It feels like a title coming from the Fire Chapter of season 11... well we got two fire elementals so 😍😍

SPARRING KAI AND RAY

I REPEAT SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! SPARRING KAI AND RAY!!! ❤❤❤ Lol Ray got old, but how can someone blame him? He did touch death while aging in Hands of Time, I'm just happy he is alive 😂

Yep, master prankster Wu, that's what I love 👌👌 I always thought Wu had become a father figure for Kai at the beginning, so seeing Ray and Wu in the same picture feels very wholesome to me 😚

Ah, uncle Powers, I both love you and hate you so freaking much 😌😌 But you make cool slides nonetheless 😂

ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME WITH BEAUTIFUL SMITH INTERACTIONS??

BECAUSE I LIKE IT KEEP GOING 🤩

Oh no you guys are stranded on an island whatever are you going to do?? It's not like you had already before and managed to survive (Skybound) or you got stranded on a rock in a sea of sand filled with giant monsters (Fire Chapter) or you were on a freaking COMET in SPACE (Rebooted). Yeee, this is the worst yet 🙂

I'm starting to think these ninja are just a bunch of drama queens so no matter what happens, it's always hopeless 😂😂 I feel like I'm kinda right on this one honestly 😛

Whoa whoa WHOA WHO IS NYAD THIS SOUNDS VERY COOL???

Aww I like that, while Ray told his kids stories about dragons and how they traveled through the Underworld, Maya told them about Nya the first water master that could summon whales 💙❤💙❤

Pff imagine if it turned out Nya was the master of fire, carrying a very water based name? Lol

Maya: I would know if it was possible!

Nya: Yeah, like she knows that I can control a bit of ice because it's frozen water

Maya:...

Maya: YOU WHAT

I find both interesting and very annoying that this explorers club thinks so highly of themselves, to the point the deny to aid even the FREAKING SAVIORS OF THEIR FREAKING LAND 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Misako got good reflexes after all, Kai was probably ready to melt this guy's face 😅

Oh, so a trial by Sphinx is a challenge? A mental one? A cultural one? A physical one? Idk but Misako is actually taking charge and that is cool I guess 🤷‍♀️

Okay this is kind of weird, how is Ray so afraid? Is it because there's fire?... did he... did he grow afraid of fire for some reason? Because it feels a bit off for now, but if there is a deeper meaning that could be interesting 🤔

Wait is that the riddle from Decoded? That's fire right?

IT IS FIRE 🔥🔥🔥

Lol at least in this one Kai wasn't completely ignored 😂 I know my flame babe isn't the most rational person, but I do like that it was an answer connected to his element where he used his head!

Ah Clutch, you really got no backbone 😅 And apparently you're the only explorer who doesn't, dang look at the others go! I'm having a bit more respect for them now 😚

LOOK AT SENSEI GO FINALLY!!! 😍😍 FIGHTING SCENES HECK YES!!!

Kalmaar: I'm your conquerer

Wu: so after skeletons, the serpentine, nindroids, the Stone Army, Chen's army, ghosts, oni, more snakes but on fire and people from a game, that makes you the tenth. Have a free cookie

Kalmaar:...

Wu: you're not special

Is this a little throwback to Possession too? Nya seems to always control better water when she doesn't actually think about it. When her feelings are free, so are her powers 🌊🌊🌊

Also this opens up more possibilities! Creatures connected with other elements might get summoned too! I would love something like that 😍😍

This was NEAT, or maybe I just missed Kai that much ❤ What's next??

PAPERGIRL

ANTONIAAAAAAAA!!!! MY GIRL IS BACK!!! All my girls are back in this season, I'm so happy 😍😍😍 And if she is here, sweet little Nelson has to be around and I cannot wait! Bring in the purple ninja! 💜

Owww Antonia's last day as a papergirl? Nooo why??

She's got a job at the... DAIRY DRAGON??? OMG OMG OMG IT'S THE ICE CREAM PLACE BRAGI TOLD US ABOUT ON TWITTER!!! 🤩🤩🤩 I remember the post, he was asking about names for the place and ice cream flavors. Now I can't wait to see what did he choose 🍦🍦🍦

UNAGAMI BABY HI HONEY!!! 🙋‍♀️ I hope he's doing great 😘😘

This is so cool honestly, Antonia got her own character arc going on! Living in a chaotic city like Ninjago City must be pretty dang exhausting 😅

Was... was that Dareth in the garbage can? Am I wrong? Poor brown ninja 😅🤎😅

SPINJITZU SWIRL, BANANAKHAN, ORANGE SERPENTINE, I'M DYING 😂😂😂

Their friendship is so wholesome, I'm so happy they are still together no matter what happens 💕

I thought Kalmaar wasn't much of a fighter but DANG he's got skills! Also the fact that he uses tentacles makes the fight very cool to watch! 😚😚

RAY RUNNING IN AFTER KAI GOT HURT HECK YES ❤❤❤

Well at least you tried Ray 😅

Ah, little cameo of the original Weekend Whip, always nice to hear it again... AND DO THE WEEKEND WHIP!!! 🌪🌪🌪

EVEN NELSON GOT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT I'M SO PROUD 💜

I don't even know what is cooler, the kids being mad lads on their bikes, Kalmaar driving a TRUCK or Kai going full parkour on the buildings to follow them 🤯

I'm sorry... am I the only one that during the Kai and Kalmaar talk kinda thought of Jestro and Clay? I miss my boys from NK, they're even more at odds now 😭😭

KAI YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE OR EVEN TRY TO DIE GET BACK HERE AT ONCE 😱😱

Kalmaar just loves to make everyone feel inferior, gotta be his hobby 😶

Oh good Kai is back

OH NOT GOOD KAI IS NOT BREATHING?!? FLAME BABE I TOLD YOU YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO DIE 😱😱😱

Antonia, Nelson, you guys are now my heroes. You saved my fave, I'll be forever in dept with you ❤❤❤ Am I being overdramatic? Most likely, but Kai is one of the few that didn't almost die or did die in a dramatic situation and he is also my absolute favorite character so that... kinda keeps my sanity in check in this show 🥴

I wonder... does he still not know how to swim? He saved Lloyd in Possession but I wonder if he was only trying to float on the surface... THAT'S TERRIFYING

This episode was so adorable, I love Antonia and Nelson so much 💜💕💜💕 It's nice to see what the other people of Ninjago do while everything goes mad 🤣

Wait hang on my Ninjajan is a little rusty

"Ninjago City. City that never sleeps" well if that ain't the truth 😂

MASTER OF THE SEA

Like Master of the Mountain? Wait are we going back to Shintaro?? VANYA?? ANOTHER BEST GIRL RETURNS??? 💛

Hey hey hey, we got a full Nyad backstory! I really like when they do these little drawn shots, they feel more like legends! And... the ending sounds terrifying? Like, they wouldn't let Nya sacrifice herself and die... again... right? 😱

Bentho: and the world was in balance, until now because of my brother

Lloyd: and the Overlord before of course

Bentho: the what now?

Lloyd: the evil one my grandpa the first Spinjitzu Master fought?

Bentho: YOUR WHAT NOW

Why do I like this offscreen "hiiiyaaa" that sensei Wu does before actually going into the scene? 😂😂

No matter if they come from the underground or the sea, these are all snake-like creature with the same intellect 😅 Kalmaar and Garmadon would have a lot to talk about, sea king dealing with his minions does remind me of Lord Garmadon in season 2 a lot 😂😂

KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER KAI AND RAY FIGHTING TOGETHER ❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤🔥❤

OMG Kalmaar is such a brat and petty villain I love him so much 😂😂😂 Yes I didn't even mention his amazing voice!... AH DANG IT 😳😳

*Misako kicks Kalmaar and is actually useful* 🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️🙆‍♀️

*Misako gets taken as hostage immediately after* 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

KAI LITERALLY JUST GOT SAVED FROM DROWNING WHY MUST YOU DO THIS TO HIM!!!... and Ray and Cole and Wu of course, I care okay 😅

OMG that face 🤣🤣🤣

That some meme material right there

Whoa Vincent that voice just got super up when the Unsinkable showed up, it kinda sounded like Jay's lol

NO NOT BENTHO!!! 😢😢😢

Kai: Nya talks to whales now? (I snorted so hard at this 😂😂)

HECK YES NYA GOT THE AMULET!! 😍😍😍 ... we got, like, four more episodes to go so something needs to happen in between... do I need to be scared? I feel like I need to be scared 😅

Jay starting a fire then blaming Kai?... this is so in character I got chills 😂😂

SHARK BOY IS STAYING TO THE MONASTERY THIS IS SO PRECIOUS!!! 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 I want all the shenanigans and we need to write fanfictions about more shenanigans and AAAAHHHHH 🦈🦈🦈

Bless these two fire idiots

They own my heart ❤🔥❤🔥 Also Vincent, this is supposed to be a fun little gag moment, your amazing voice acting is kinda distracting me 😭😭😭

ANOTHER LEGO HUG

YOU GUYS ARE SPOILING ME OVER HERE HECK YES 💙🌊💙🌊

Maya learned that her daughter is capable of everything, I love that. Nya simply understood that she doesn't have to give up when something gets difficult. She is AMAZING and can do anything she puts her mind into. She simply has to hold on until the end 💪💪💪

Omg Benthomaar playing billiard with the guys I already love this 😍😍

YES IT IS SHINTARO!!! THE UPPLY ARE HERE OMG!!! HI VANYA YOU LOOK AMAZING GIRL MISS YOU I HOPE YOU'RE DOING OKAY!!! 💛💛💛 ... I just really like Master of the Mountain okay 😅

I love how Vanya doesn't even question it. It comes from Cole and he said it needs to be protected? Done and done 👌

Wait what, did something fall?

IS THAT THE FAKE?!?!? WHAT HOW WHEN??? UNCLE POWERS??? OR KALMAAR DID SOMETHING??? SOMEONE??? I'M LEGIT CONFUSED AND EXCITED??? 🤯🤯🤯

Well dang, I didn't see that coming, now what Seabound? What do you have for me?

[thiswasinevitableid]

For mermay: #30, wreckage with Danbrey in either SFW or NSFW? Thank you so much!

Here you go! I went with SFW. Dani’s design is based on a Golden Shiner, Aubrey’s on a red-tailed shark.

“Dr. Harris Bonkers? Where are you, you sneaky sea bunny?” Aubrey circles the rocks, sets her hands on her hips and flicks her tail with a frown; for a creature with small fins, that bunny can be incredibly evasive. 

“We only have an hour to practice, silly bunny. If you don’t come out, I won’t be able to use you in the show.”

When her pet/assistant doesn’t emerge, she sighs and swims off to her super secret test stage. Then she smacks straight into someone and shrieks in surprise.

“GAHoh, oh my god you scared me.” 

“That, that makes two of us” the mermaid she collided with stares at her, golden eyes wide with alarm.

“I’m sorry, this place is always abandoned.” She gestures to the sunken ship, one that’s been here since her grandparents were children. 

“I, um, I kind of figured. That’s why I holed up here.” In the filtered sunlight, her tail glitters pale gold. A treasure at the heart of the wreck.

“Are you new in town? I feel like I would’ve remembered seeing you before.” She smiles, hoping it comes across as smooth but not too smooth because she does not want to freak out the cute mer floating in front of her.

“Yeah. I can’t afford any of the spots in town.” She sighs, giving Aubrey the distinct sense this is not a new situation for her.

“You could come live with me! Not like, with me with me, but I live in the Lodge in town and I know there are rooms open. It’s super cheap.”

(If it wasn't, Aubrey would give her the “cute mers with freckles” discount).

“Um, okay, sure. Let me get my stuff.”

“Sweet! Wait, uh, it might take a few more minutes, I have to find my sea bunny.” She swims into the wreck after the other mermaid, poking her head into her pets’ preferred hiding places. 

“Is this him?” The mer holds up two woven seaweed bags. On top of one of them is Dr. Harris Bonkers, so white he almost glows in the darkened hull. 

“It is! Come here you naughty nudibranch.” She scoops the bunny into her palms, then sets him on her shoulder. 

“He’s cute” The mermaid pets his side, “what’s his name?”

“Dr. Harris Bonkers, PhD. That last part is a human school thing, but he worked hard for it.”

“Nice to meet you doctor. I’m Dani.” She smiles at Aubrey, the expression as beautiful as moonlight on dark water, “what about you?”

“Aubrey.”

“Nice to meet you too.” She gives the bunny a final pet and swims out of the ship. Aubrey hurries to catch up to her so they can travel side by side. 

“So, um, what do you use the wreck for?”

“Magic practice!” Aubrey sweeps her hand  through the water, leaving a rainbow of light in it’s wake, “it’s not, like, super secret or anything, but there’ve been a few, um, mishaps that mean it’s better if I practice away from town.”

“Mishaps?” Dani shoots her an amused smile.

“I once made a huge chunk of reef disappear. It took a whole day to get it back. And there was the time some seaweed floated past while I was practicing and turned into a sea serpent. Relatedly, sometimes a sea serpent follows me around and calls me mom.”

Dani laughs and Aubrey suddenly has so many stars in her eyes you could use them for navigation. 

“That doesn’t sound too bad.”

“I mean, it really isn’t. Those are the only big fuck ups, but I’ve decided I’d rather be safe than sorry. I’d hate for someone to get hurt because of me. Um, what about you? Just come to Kepler for a change of scene?”

“Sort of. I’m an open ocean mer by birth but it gets lonely, and sometimes your own kind will chase you off of nice places to call your own. So I decided I’d come here and try to make a home.”

“The Lodge is a good place for it. I, um, I ended up in Kepler after my mom died and my dad and I drifted apart. Mama gave me a place to stay and kept an eye on me; I bet she’ll do the same for you.”

It’s a bet she wins every time. Mama welcomes Dani in with a smile, tells Barclay to make a big dinner to celebrate a new resident, and shows her to her room. Aubrey stays by her side, chatting as she unpacks her bags. Her belongings are sparse, practical, and the only flashy item is a comb with a pearl handle. 

They talk until Dani is yawning and Aubrey keeps bumping into walls because she’s too tired to fight the current every freaking second. Aubrey says goodnight, tells Dani to come find her if she needs anything. Dani promises she will, brushing their tails together before closing the door. 

As she swims to her room, Aubrey’s thoughts swirl like a school of sardines. Dani’s room is so bare. Dani deserves a room overflowing with beautiful art and sea glass jewelry and vases of sea flowers. 

It’s lucky, then, that Aubrey knows just the mers to help her out.

--------------------------------------------

“Oh wow” Dani holds the strands of blue and white glass up to the windows, “Aubrey, this is beautiful”

“Glad you like it” she feels like the red in her tail deepens whenever Dani smiles at her like this, “Ned owed me a favor, and I thought some sea glass curtains might make the room more, um, homey.”

Dani swims to her, rubbing their cheeks together, “You’re the best.”

“Heheee, um, I mean, I’m super glad you like it!”

--------------------------------------------

“Did you draw this?” Dani turns in a slow circle, searching for the perfect spot to hang the picture Aubrey brought her. 

“Nope. Indrid did. He was selling some of his stuff this weekend, and I remember you saying you thought Atlantis was one of the prettiest places you’d ever seen. So I, um, I figured you’d like one of his pictures of it. You know he’s actually from there. Like, he’s one of the citizens who sunk with the city.”

“That’s wild. Wait, doesn’t that make him super old?”

“Yeah. Duck doesn’t seem to mind though, and he tries hard to keep up with the times. He mostly succeeds. Mostly.” She snickers, remembering the time Indrid tried to say he thought Duck was handsome and it came out as “looks like a million red-hot lobster claws.”

“C’mon” Dani hooks their tails across each other, ushering her across the room and causing her to completely forget what she was saying, “help me decide where to put this.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“I wasn’t able to wrap these, but they’re totally a present for you.” Aubrey holds out the two pots of starweeds, “Duck said they’re a great way to garden in a small space. I know you’re helping with the big garden out back, but I kinda figured you wanted some in your room too.”

Dani takes the pots, not bothering to keep their hands from touching, “Thank you, firefins, they’re lovely.” She sets them on the windowsill, picks up her comb on the way back, voice much softer when she asks, “would you brush my hair before we go down to dinner?”

“Sure!” She loves brushing Dani's hair; if it’s the only time she ever makes the other mer sigh happily, the only time those golden tresses cascade down her fingertips, she’ll die happy. 

As she carefully guides the brush through Dani murmurs, “my mom gave me that. She said it’s been in our family for generations. Apparently an ancestor was given it by a human lover.���

“Dang” Aubrey’s amazed anything this beautiful wasn’t just swallowed up by the open water, “I’m glad they hung onto it; it really is gorgeous.”

“I um, I, I want you to have it.” Dani turns to look at her just as Aubrey pulls back.

“Dani, that’s so sweet, but I can’t take this from you. It’s you connection to your family. To your mom.”

“Oh.” The mermaid takes the comb when she holds it out, “okay. Let’s, um, let’s just go meet the others.”

---------------------------------------

“...been like that for the last two days. I know you spent a bunch of time in the open ocean, so I wanna know everything there is to know about what dating is like for mers out. I’ve got to show Dani just how much I care about her.”

“I see” Ned rests back in his chair, watching Aubrey as she swims back and forth in agitation, “I shall do my best, my friend. Let me think...gift giving is common, but that’s the case for all but deep sea merfolk. Painting your scales...no, that was southern mers in general. Aha!” Ned snaps his fingers, “because open ocean mers are nomadic, giving them things for building a home is a sign of commitment and romantic interest. If the feeling is mutual, one might also offer a precious item as a token of affection.”

“Precious item? Like a family heirloom? Hypothetically?”

“Yes, I’d imagine that would fit the bill nicely.”

“Aw beans! Thanks Ned, gotta go, talk later byeeeee.”

---------------------------------------------------

“Dani!” Aubrey rounds a patch of sea grass.

The other mer looks up from where she’s collecting urchins, “Aubrey? Is everything okay?”

“No! Or maybe yes. Dani are you, were you trying to tell me you wanted me to be your girlfriend?”

“Yes, but I’m starting to think that wasn’t as obvious as I thought it was.”

“Nope!” Aubrey launches herself forward, gathering Dani in her arms. The other mermaid laughs, rolling them over to lay in the soft grass. 

“I’m sorry” Dani kisses her cheek, “I thought I was being obvious.”

“I mean, I guess you were, we just had a communication breakdown. I just...I can’t believe you’d give me your most treasured possession.”

Dani leans down, kissing her until her lips are buzzing with delight and their tails are wrapped tight around each other, “Sweetheart, the only treasure I need is right here.”

[twelves-writings]

Void-sparked Friendship

(@shadeswift99)

“Hello? Guys? Where are you?” Twelve called. She was in the outer End, where she and her sisters (loose term) had gone endbusting. Fourteen had told them that she knew some good spots, places with huge, sprawling End cities. They had been at it for a couple hours when Twelve got separated from the other two - Double had stayed home. Her communicator couldn’t get a strong enough signal out this far, so she couldn’t message them. She was well and truly stranded. “Well,” she said, storing her most valuable items in an ender chest and picking some blocks out of her inventory, “I’d better get bridging.” 

She was glad Thirteen and Fourteen had taught her good block placing techniques. She pillared and bridged across the islands, big and small, with relative ease. But after a while, she had run out of blocks. “Dang it!” she ‘swore’ under her breath. “I’ve gotta go back for some… I don’t know, endstone or something. She made her way back from where she had come, cautiously skipping across the one-wide bridge. 

Humming a little tune, she decided she’d play a little game with herself. “I spy with my little eye… a chorus fruit! I spy… endstone! Another chorus fruit! An end city! A- Wait, an end city!” Twelve was overjoyed, and only got happier when she spotted its ship. She could grab the elytra and finally get home! She was overwhelmed by joy, running across another bridge to gather blocks to bridge over. 

Unbeknownst to her, she had glanced at an enderman. She didn’t realize this until it was too late. The angry creature teleported over to her, knocking her off the tiny bridge. This is it; I know it. A death in the void was not a pleasant one: prolonged suffocating, your lungs collapsing in on themselves, unable to breathe or think or do much of anything. Not to mention the loss of all your items, and the lingering feeling of death that would follow you for days. Twelve braced herself for the pain. 

…But it never came; at least not as it usually did. Instead, she hit a ‘floor’ in the void. This has gotta be a glitch, right? She stood up, brushing nonexistent dust off her pants. “Hello?” she warily called out, not expecting anyone to answer.

“You don’t belong here.”

“Gah!” Twelve yelped, turning to meet the one who responded. 

The figure had skin nearly as pale as snow, and shoulder-length hair to match. She wore a shadow gray cloak and dress with a dark blue lining. The dress had long sleeves, with open shoulders like she and her sisters. She also wore a belt. Her eyes were a deep black void with blue irises. 

“H- Hi there. M- My name is Twelve.”

“You don’t belong here,” she repeated. “Or maybe… maybe I don’t. Either way, something isn’t right.”

“Well, maybe we can fix it? I- If you wouldn’t mind telling me, what’s your name?”

“Oh, uh… My name’s Shade.”

“Shade! That’s such a cool name!” Twelve’s fear evaporated instantly, more focused now on her new potential friend. “Do you know where we are?”

“The void,” she answered, the smile she possessed fading into a scowl. “This must be another one of the void’s tricks.”

“Well, do you know how we can get out of it?”

Shade paused for a few moments, deep in thought. She sighed. “I- I’m not exactly sure. Usually the void at least poses some way out, but this time… It’s different somehow.”

Twelve was about to respond, likely asking another question, but decided to focus on Shade’s features instead. Heavy bags laid under her tired eyes. Her hair was a bit tossed around and oily, and her hands shook with every gesture they made. “Hey,” Twelve said, her voice a comforting whisper. “You look like you need a hug. Would you like one?” She held her arms out in front of her, a soft smile upon her lips.

Shade looked like she was about to refuse. But to her and Twelve’s shock, she stepped (floated?) into her arms, wrapping them both in a tight embrace. Twelve hugged back. They stood like this for several moments, the only sounds being Shade’s slightly erratic breathing. Twelve rubbed circles into the being’s back. 

Shade was the first to pull away from the hug, seeming to do so reluctantly. She was also the first to speak. “I think I have a way out of this, but it won’t be very nice.”

Twelve’s smile dropped a bit, but she agreed. “What’s it going to be?”

Shade stuck her arm out to the side, a trident forming in her hand. “I’m sorry Twelve, and I hope to see you again soon.”

Twelve just smiled. “You too, Shade! See you around!” The last thing she could see was the little smile that found its way on Shade’s lips.

-

“Where the hell is she?”

“Do you think I know her whereabouts?”

“Well you’re the one who knows stuff about the End!”

“And you’re the one who was with her last.”

“I was not; you were!”

“Don’t try to pin this on me!”

“Hey guys! What’s up?”

Thirteen and Fourteen, who had been bickering at spawn since returning from their endbusting without Twelve, turned to see their sister alive and well right beside them.

“Where the hell were you?” Thirteen said.

“Yeah,” Fourteen said, placing a hand on Twelve’s shoulder. “We were worried about you.”

“Well…” Twelve paused. “I fell into the void and made a new friend.” 

[bluepenguinstories]

Happiness Overload Epilogue III

After a while, we finally won. It took more effort than we were told, but about as much effort as we expected. There was still much ground to cover even after the conflict died down. Like, I hated to admit it, but for a while I would just watch the fragmented remains of the world I once resided on. Meaning, there was a long gestation period where no new timeline was created. There was a lot of weight, y’know, and it was hard to remember the person I started that journey as, and whether I was different now that that journey had just about come to an end.

Beside me, at the front, was my girlfriend, my lover. Sometimes she’d shower me in kisses, but other times she would get annoyed with my antics. Couldn’t say that I blamed her, as it’s not like my growth meant I had to let go of my humor.

As for how we defeated the organization once and for all...we had some help. Some people went back to their time willingly. Some were less friendly. I didn’t really care to remember all those fancy little details. Only a few really stood out to me. Like after we booted Dr. Humble and Dr. Modest into some odd timeline in the year 1907 with just the clothing on their backs. Why 1907? Maybe that’s the time they thought they could pick up the pieces from and start fresh from the ashes, but when they told us that’s the time they were from, we just went with it. At least we gave them nothing.

Then, Coriander and I ran, firing away at guards along the way. There was a bit of a mess to clean up eventually, but that was neither here nor there.

Down some long sets of halls, we regrouped with Juniper, and were surprised to find she had made some new friends. With one in particular seeming rather close to her.

“Juniper! Thank goodness you’re okay!” I cried out in relief.

“Guys! I’m so glad to see you!” Juniper also looked overjoyed.

“Who’s this?” I asked.

“Hi, I’m Dr. Hepburn,” the taller figure answered. She extended her hand. I shook it. “I’m from the HR Department. Or was! It’s pretty cool that I can use past tense now!”

“Huh. What was your job, exactly?” Coriander asked.

“I mostly suggested things to departments. Though they usually got twisted and the way they got interpreted was a little out of my hands.”

“Really? How so?”

“Like, I thought we should have a Morale Department because I couldn’t help but notice our members had some pretty low morale. So I brought it up like, ‘hey, right now everyone’s kind of bummed out and demotivated, but I think if we had some kind of mascot, our company morale would be so much better. For example, Hatsune Miku is really popular and it’s a scientific fact that no one’s unhappy when Miku is around. So maybe if we got an AI to encourage us, we’d benefit. The same could be applied to humanity as a whole!’ Then later I guess they added a dash of evil to the proposed AI, but by then I was already suggesting things to other departments.”

“Dang,” I groaned. “Sucks when intentions get misrepresented like that.”

“Yeah, well this place is big so it can be like a giant game of telephone around here. I don’t blame anyone, really! Besides, at least they gave me credit on the project.”

“They did?” I was confused. I never heard of any Hepburn being factored into the plans.

“Well, I was actually named after the Mt. Etna in Italy. I later changed my name when I became a doctor, of course!” She informed me. That sounded like a potential shocker for information, but I didn’t know how.

“There’s a lot to dissect there, but I’m no scientist, so let’s put that aside for now. We still have much work to do!”

Coriander meanwhile, trying to show off her attitude as ever, grunted.

“So are you and her like a thing now?” She asked Juniper.

Juniper rolled her eyes. “Come on, guys! I’m not thinking about that stuff right now! I’m just glad to have made friends! Really!”

“All right. Can’t blame you. We can’t declare victory just yet.”

Indeed. Our reunion had to be cut short so we could round up more people. Thanks to the collective effort, though, at least it didn’t take ages, like many would have thought. I took it upon myself to destroy all time travel devices after someone left. Every little time cube in the room full of time cubes and then some.

All but one.

The same one I had pocketed. On the off chance that Coriander and I could ever leave that ship (or whatever it could be called), I wanted to hold on to it. For a while, we lived out our days on the ship, but we didn’t really seem to age. Not really, anyway. Maybe if we made it back to Earth, some version of it, we would find ourselves aged many years over. Or be just as young as we were before we entered The Flashbulb’s headquarters.

Before long, it was just a few of us. Coriander, Juniper, Dr. Hepburn, Dr. Katsushika (she said she’d leave eventually, it was just hard for her to leave all her art supplies behind), and I. Everyone else parted ways with us in some capacity or another. Many we grew to be friends with, but had to leave them behind all the same. That was fine with me, as a good few people always made me more comfortable than a whole crowd. Even with the company, it really was a lonely existence. Enough to drive anyone mad.

But we kept searching.

I would look around on a screen which displayed a nigh-endless supply of timelines. I narrowed it down to the year we lived in before we left home. Then, I looked for a place where Coriander and I didn’t already exist. At long last one day, I found such a place.

“Oh my god! Spicy! Meatball!”

“For the last time, don’t call me spicy meatball!” Coriander retorted. Yeah, yeah, so not all of my nicknames for her stuck, but I was excited enough to try.

“We can go back home!” I cheered.

Coriander leaned in close. “What?! Really?!”

It was decided long ago that if we ever decided to go back to Earth, it would have to be in a timeline where we didn’t already exist. I didn’t quite like the idea of killing myself off just to live on. I don’t know how it would have worked for Coriander, but she agreed that was for the best. What pained me was thinking that when this new timeline from the ashes of our destroyed world came about, was the uncertainty of not knowing what the version of Blanc would be like. If the version of me in that world would ever meet them or not. I think I would be content even if that Velvet didn’t meet that Blanc, but would I be content with the possibility that the Blanc of the new timeline wouldn’t be happy?

I didn’t want to focus on that. I really didn’t. I had my life, and my journey, and as painful as it was, I had to let such a possibility occur. It was better than no possibility at all.

“Hey Juniper!” I called over through the microphone. “I think I found a way to get home!”

If I had to guess, it was like an hour later when Juniper came through the doors, but time within those confines wasn’t something we really kept track of, as much as I wished we would. She was out of breath, having ran, but she was just as cute as a button as ever.

“Really? Guys?” She huffed, hunched over her knees. Jeez, I really should have told her to take her time.

Time...that was a strange word to use. But one that seemed unavoidable.

“There’s just one problem,” Coriander pointed out. “Apparently Juniper already exists on that version of Earth.”

“What?!” I balked. “That’s not fair!”

Popsigirl/Dr. Katsushika fell down from a ceiling vent and landed doing a cartwheel.

“That’s the way things go! You’re going to have to make a compromise to get your happy ending!” She snapped her fingers and grinned.

“Argh! I hate compromises, and I hate this ‘no perfect ending’ bullshit!” I turned to Juniper. “I wanted you to come along with us wherever we ended up.”

That was enough to get me to sulk. But Juniper just smiled.

“Aw, it’s okay, guys. I think it’s more important that you two get to go. Don’t worry about me!”

“But I’ll feel bad just leaving you behind like that.”

She shook her head. “Don’t think like that! I’m really glad to have met you guys, really. It’s not that I don’t want to return to Earth one day, it’s just that I’m fine with waiting. I always knew we would probably have to split, anyway.”

“What about you, though?”

“Honestly,” she looked away, still smiling, but she looked a little more nervous. “I’m not sure how my journey will continue, and I really will miss you guys, too, but I still consider you guys my friends and I’m more now that one day, I’ll have something of an idea. For now, I’m happy just having gone on this journey.”

“You say that, but I’m still worried about you being safe…”

“Please have a little more faith in me than that.”

I let out a long sigh. There was a handful of emotions attached, but when I drew in a new breath, I managed a smile.

“All right, then,” I said at last.

“So it’s decided, then? You guys are gonna go?” I could feel Dr. Katsushika’s excitement on her breath as she leaned in close to me. I wanted to shove her aside, especially when Coriander still couldn’t stand her presence, not that I blamed her for that, either.

“Not just yet,” I grimaced. “I want to make sure you’ll go home first.”

She flashed a grin, then wrested control of the monitor from me and with fervent motions, searched away until she found a time and place.

“I understand that I can’t really be forgiven for the stuff I’ve put you two through, but I think I’m going to enjoy being with nature again! Maybe I’ll be a sage or something, or take a vow of silence, or become a hermit who feeds ducks?”

“I’m sure you could pick up art again, too,” Juniper suggested. “You just gotta take it easy, is all.”

That got Popsigirl worked up into a storm of laughter.

“Hun, ‘art’ and ‘taking it easy’ don’t belong in the same sentence. But...I’d like to draw and paint, yes. And maybe I’ll get it right in time.”

I used the time travel device to open up a portal to the timeline Dr. Katsushika selected. I wasn’t sure which name she would choose in her timeline. Maybe she’d drop the doctor. Maybe she’d drop having a name entirely. There was a fondness I felt thinking about the possibilities, even if I couldn’t really forgive her.

When five became four (Dr. Hepburn, Juniper, Coriander, and I) I waited for Dr. Hepburn to enter the room, then I bade Juniper and her our final goodbyes.

“Hey, I can’t promise a perfect ending either, but for what it’s worth, I hope you the best,” Coriander told Juniper.

“I second that,” I added. If Coriander didn’t say it, chances are I would have. It was becoming more and more difficult to find the right words, so I was just glad Coriander could sometimes fill in the blanks for me.

“I would like to inform you that I had a board meeting with myself and it was unanimous that whatever happens, we’ll have fun,” Dr. Hepburn assured. I refrained from asking. Really, when you got down to it, she was a last minute character.

Juniper reached into her pocket and handed me something.

“Here, I made it. It’s a little invention of mine.” I looked at the object in my hand, a small metallic sculpture of a beetle.

“I call it a june bug! It can light up in the dark, but only in the month of June! That way you won’t really have to worry about leaving me behind too much.”

I laughed, though it almost came out like a cry. I had to wipe my face, even though it was more humorous than anything.

“That’s so dumb...I love it,” I told her.

I set the time travel device on the desk I had been sitting at. Coriander was the first to walk through the portal. I was sure I’d see her in just a little bit. But before I would, I turned to Juniper and Dr. Hepburn once again.

“If you guys do find a timeline you wished to go to and decide to leave, please destroy that for me. Or, if you decide to stay here...destroy it, too.”

Was it really necessary to do so? I mean, I could trust them, and all access to the headquarters from outside had been blocked off. Still, maybe it was the paranoia in me that told me it was better to be safe than sorry.

Wherever Coriander and I may end up next, with a good, a bad, somewhere in the middle as an ending awaiting us, I was just glad I would be brave enough to face it. No, that wasn’t just it. It meant even more to me to be able to spend the rest of my days, however that looked, not being alone.

[masterweaverx]

Ruby Rose's Rolling Romantic Recommendations

Or: In which Ruby gets involved in all the ships despite not having a clue.

Chapter 1: The Buzz

Ruby Rose took a deep drag from her glass of milk, lowering her glass with a satisfied sigh. It had been an arduous few months in Atlas, and then everything had gone to hell in a handbasket six nights ago, but things seemed to be...

Not relaxed, exactly. Calming down, sure, things were at a point where she could sit down and think, but that wasn't the same as relaxed. Still, it was better than "Oh no, Grimm! Oh no, rogue Knights! Oh no, upset citizens! OH SHIT, TYRIAN!" every fifteen minutes. She tried to keep up a smile for everyone, she really did, but sometimes Ruby just needed some Ruby time, with herself and a glass of milk and a nice weapons magazine. She'd had a full two minutes and thirty three seconds to herself so far.

And then her sister entered the room.

Ordinarily, Ruby would pipe up with a 'Hey sis!' but, well, as much as she loved and adored Yang, she really, really needed some time to herself. So she pretended not to notice the blonde crossing the room, picking through her belongings in a vague trance; instead, she just rose the magazine higher, hoping that Yang would just turn around and get back to whatever it was she was getting stuff for. Thankfully, Yang seemed too absorbed in her search to notice her younger sister, at least for the moment. Which was actually rather odd, come to think of it--

--no, no, this was Ruby time. Milk and a magazine. Yang was a mature adult... well, an adult. And if there was an issue, she'd speak up, right? Maybe? Well, whatever it was, it could wait until Ruby finished reading this fascinating article on the experimental usage of non-Dust based ammunition, some of which she might be able to tweak to fit Crescent Rose. With things going the way they were--

"...what am I doing?" Yang muttered, just loud enough for her to hear. "Is this... is this even the right thing?"

Gods.

Friggin'.

Dang it.

Ruby, very reluctantly, put her magazine down and placed the glass of milk on the nearby nightstand. "Hey sis, what's up?"

"Huh?" Yang blinked as she looked up, her eyes falling on Ruby with realization. "Oh, uh, hey. Didn't see you there. You want me to leave?"

"Yes and take whatever crazy drama you've got brewing with you because this is the first time in a week I've had to myself and I'm going to darn well enjoy it," Ruby did not say, because she was not a complete and total jerkwad.

"Nah, it's cool," she said instead. "Come on, Yang, if something's wrong you know I'd love to help you out."

"I..." Yang ran her fingers through her hair. "I don't know, Ruby, it's kind of stupid."

"What kind of stupid?" Ruby replied, straightfaced. "I know you've had many different strains."

Yang chuckled with half a grin. "Hey now, half those strains I caught from you."

"I'd say only a quarter at the most," Ruby replied loftily.

The blonde shook her head, walking over to sit next to her. "Yeah, well... I don't think you've ever had this strain of stupid before."

"I don't know, what are the symptoms?"

"Oh, you know, increased heartrate, general nervousness, constant self-doubt, but only around one particular person--"

"Is this about your ridiculously obvious love for Blake?"

Yang rolled her eyes. "It's not ridiculously obvious... is it?" she added, curious.

Ruby crossed her arms. "Name one person who has met both of you and hasn't figured it out."

"Marrow Amin," Yang replied promptly.

"Nnnno, pretty sure he noticed on our first mission together. You know, at the mine."

"Well yeah, but--uh... okay, fair enough. How about Penny?"

"She knows."

"She does? But she's--she's kind of innocent when it comes to that," Yang protested.

"Trust me," Ruby assured her, "she knows."

"...how can you be--?"

"She's already got the legal documents for your wedding pulled up and stored in her databanks," Ruby deadpanned. "Said working through the paperwork would be her gift to you once you decided to tied the knot."

"Ah... huh. Okay." Yang nodded, eyes distant. "Alright... okay. Okay, so... uh... Okay, I've got it! Adrien doesn't know!"

"Adrien."

"Yep!"

"Jaune's two-year-old nephew."

"Way too young to figure it out!"

"The kid has two moms," Ruby pointed out flatly.

Yang held up a finger, paused, and lowered it. "Am I really that obvious?"

Ruby nodded somberly. "If it makes you feel better, Blake's just as obvious about how she feels about you."

"Wh--psshhhh, no," Yang laughed and waved it off. "Blake's chill. She's so smooth. You know. She... I mean, she just plays it all cool. If you didn't know what to look for--"

Ruby kept her mouth shut as her sister continued to ramble through her half-hearted attempt to convince reality that Blake was a ludicrously awesome manifestation of pure unadulterated swag. Somewhere, in the back of her mind, she couldn't help but wonder when Yang had transformed into a cartoon romcom character; the blushing nervous stream of compliments and the vague but constant subtext that maybe she wasn't good enough for her and by the gods this was way off base. Sure, it was fun to watch her sister stumble over whatever words she was trying to figure out this time, but at the same time Ruby had no idea what Yang was even trying to say anymore.

"Okay, okay," she held up a hand to cut off the stream of praise. "Let's just take it as read that you love Blake, she loves you, and there's a lot that could be said about that. What is it that you're worried about right now?"

"Uh... well." Yang's face fell. "I just... look, we... with what's going on in Atlas and Mantle right now, I... should we even try to have a.... well, anything? Together, I mean? There's a lot of... of stress, and worry, and..."

She trailed off for a moment, looking away.

Ruby couldn't help but sigh. Yeah... with things as wrecked as they were, that... that was a legitimate concern. But at the same time...

"...Mom and Dad got together, even when Mom still went off on missions."

Yang scoffed. "And look how that turned out."

"Uh, five or so years of a happy marriage and two incredible daughters who brought light back into Dad's life after we lost Mom? And who are now fighting to save the world? I mean there was a rough spot or two," Ruby admitted, "but... there's a rough spot or two in everyone's life, Yang. And Blake... she's here now."

"Ruby, it's not that simple--"

"No," Ruby agreed, "It's not. But it's a start." She nudged her sister with a playful grin. "So long as you two don't go getting distracted making eyes at each other in the middle of a mission, I say go for it."

"...You sure?"

"Yep. I mean you've been dating since Beacon."

"Wha--no! What? We weren't dating at Beacon!"

Ruby gave her a flat look.

"We weren't!" Yang insisted. "We were just, you know, hanging out like partners, talking about stuff, I... might have tried to impress her sure, and I just wanted to..."

She trailed off, eyes widening in realization.

"Oh. My. God. We were dating, weren't we."

"Yep."

"And I only just now realized this."

"Yep."

"I. Am such. An idiot."

"Yep."

"I gotta--" Yang stood, pointing a finger vaguely. "I gotta go--uh--talk, Blake, no, wait, get the thing, then, uh, food? Food talk. Yeah."

"You get that food talk thing, sis," Ruby said with an encouraging grin.

"I will--yes." The blonde lunged at her belongings, dug through until she found what she was looking for, and rushed out the door.

Ruby shook her head, picking up her glass of milk and flipping her magazine back open. "Well, that was... a thing. I hope I don't have to deal with the fallout..."

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Wasn’t gonna do a 5x11 post, but ya know what? It was a good one, and it’s fun to talk about stuff ya like.

SPOILERS.

Folks this one is LONG:

Admittedly, I don’t really understand what Brainy did with the rock and the stick, but it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter, because we get Motorcycle Brainy.

I appreciate that nearly every character on this show has the impulse to go out and get a black Stealth Outfit and procure a motorcycle whenever they gotta do clandestine, under-cover stuff. (See also: Lucy, Kara, Alex, J’onn.)

ALSO appreciate the ongoing commitment to characters showing they care via food, as seen in the Breakup Feast scene. 

I’ve seen this episode four times and it’s only JUST occurring to me that Lex is grabbing some of Evil!Winn’s hair and not just creepily picking lint off his shirt, after their little chat.

Lena Laments to Lex! Lost Lots of Lobe Legwork.

And then NAT CITY TOY CON! 

Lex’s action figure is safe for children ages 5 and up, AND the articulation allows for lots of action and superhero poses!

(That thing has NO visible leg or arm joints, Lex will not be doing ANY action posing, whatsoever. XD)

But, for real: It’s a pretty great prop. The packaging is spot on. 

Love all the Supergirl action figures in the background too. (AND WITH THE NEW SUIT I am envious of Earth Prime.)

Get ‘im William, GET ‘IM.

The Lex and Kara scene was GREAT, loved the recorder smash.

Then dramatic slow walk with wiiiiiind, very nice.

CAPE SAVE

WINN

Absolutely love the moment between him, Alex, and Kara when he reveals he has a family. 

AND HIS WIFE AND DAUGHTER ARE LOVELY. THAT KIDDO IS SO CUTE.

Group huuuuuuug

‘I might have missed you just a little bit.’ ‘Me too, just a little.’ ‘Yeah, well, I missed you, like, A LOT.’

Side note: Really dig Winn’s superhero outfit. 

“I wanted to apologize to you, for how I treated you after you took my mother’s medallion.”

*Skeptical Thor face* Is it really hers though?

(Answer: No.)

Okay OKAY now we get to the REALLY GOOD PART but first, a bit of appreciation for Winn referencing Sam Spade.

Alright, are we ready? ARE WE READY????

J’onn’s office (which is ALREADY a cool set) gets a SECRET ELEVATOR that leads tooooo...

THE TOWwait, whoops, almost forgot:

Kara’s total nerd reaction to the secret elevator and Alex’s elder sibling-ly ‘don’t push’ while actually pushing Winn are just. *chef’s kiss*

Okay, we’re back: THE TOWER!!!!!

Complete with PAPA BEAR HUG for Best Son Winn!

I like J’onn’s Martian vest, though I do feel like he should get some finger-less gloves, or something, to complete the look.

“In the future they call it the Hall of Justice.” “I like that.”

“So like STAR Labs.” “Or the Arrow Bunker.” “A place where my Superfriends can work, whenever they should need it.” 

1.) I don’t know why the casual references to the other shows are throwing me, it’s not like they haven’t done it before...maybe it’s the fact that characters besides Kara have this kind of...lived-in familiarity with this stuff that’s otherwise been reserved for her, due to the nature of JUST the lead visiting the other shows. 2.) It occurs to me that Supergirl, the show, never had a central hub like the Arrow Bunker or Star Labs that’s just for the main characters. (Well, I guess the Office of Solitude counts? Kind of?) All of the sets (aside from Kara’s Loft and J’onn’s office which are like...living spaces) require at least a handful of extras milling around in the background. I don’t know where I was going with this....*Marge Simpson voice* I just think it’s neat. 3.) J’onn calling them his Superfriends!!!! :D

“What are you gonna call it?” “I was thinking...The Tower.” “COOL.”

Kara you lovable nerd, you.

The cut from the Martian Memory Meld to Winn’s puking is comedic gold.

“And James runs a small town newspaper and mentors children? That’s adorable!”

You can tell who’s only watching the show via gifs, because this line threw them.

Alex being like, ‘BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE.’ XD

Evil!Winn’s message has Jim Carrey Riddler energy. I think it’s that ‘Let’s play to win!’ bit that does it.

Aaaand some other stuff occurs. Lex and Brainy talk, The Kara and William stuff at CatCo, Evil!Winn’s warehouse lair.

But then BACK TO THE TOWER for more nerding out and some lovely heart-to-hearts!

Winn telling Nia about Nura: :D :D :D

And then OOOOOH BOY, my favorite scene: Kara and Winn.

It starts off great, with Kara being like, ‘I bet you’re a great dad.’ And then Winn gets to talk about being a dad! And naming his little girl after his mom! ‘It was either that or Winifred.’ Heart AND humor??? AND THEN: “KARA WAS AN OPTION.” AAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW

BUT THEN WINN’S LIKE, ‘EVERYONE IN THE FUTURE NAMES THEIR KID KARA’ HECK YEAH THEY DO

 And then the scene continued to be great but I will admit that I was gripped with a sudden, terrible fear that when Kara mentioned not being too thrilled with her ‘legend’ she was gonna talk about how she betrayed Lena yet again but THANK GOODNESS IT WASN’T THAT.

Instead what we got was this nice little exchange about Kara feeling like she’s endangering William, and Winn being like: ‘you put ME in danger but I always trusted you to protect me’ which is a LOVELY bit of trust and reassurance and a nice deconstruction of the idea that heroes have to distance themselves from others in order to best protect them. Supergirl the TV show has always said and will always say NOPE.

STRONGER TOGETHER.

“Being in your orbit...it’s inspiring.” “You.”

I JUST LOVE KARA HAVING THEM THERE GOOD FRIENDSHIPS.

Then Wicked Winn’s Warehouse! Followed By Lex on a Legion Ship! Learning of Leviathan!

The Obsidian pitch sounds TOTALLY legit, can’t IMAGINE how that could be exploited for evil.

Then Toyman’s Terrible Tigers! Which Brainy Tries to Tame! 

And, look. You’re either the kind of person that watches these DCTV shows and rolls your eyes at on-the-nose music cues, ooooor you’re the kind of person that applauds that kind of go-for-broke attitude.

I am one of the latter.

(BUT it’s always just gonna be...really hard to top The Flash using “Flash Gordon” as Barry jumps into a black hole.)

ANYWAYS.

Always cool to see Kara speed folks away from danger. Very nice!

Whoops, little out of order here, I got excited: prior to the super speed, we have a Winn Stand-off.

(NGL the mental image of Winn singing “Nothing Left to Lose” with his evil counterpart has been amusing me all week long.)

But I digress! Toyman seems to perish in the explosion, but given that this is a two part episode...HMMMM. I think NOT.

(I mean, there’s also the end of episode cliffhanger, so. Yeah, obvious guess is obvious.)

But for the moment, Winn’s future is safe! Yaaaaay!

Then we get the cute moment between Kara and William and YEAH, THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID CUTE. BECAUSE IT WAS CUTE.

So please put me firmly in camp: Generally indifferent to ships but certainly not opposed to more cute reporter shenanigans.

(Also she wouldn’t let him have dinner alone with the world’s saddest sandwich.) 

Instead William gets to come to GAME NIGHT!

Everything about that scene is. So good.

The friendly trash-talking! The glasses bit! ‘Marty’! William saving the Jenga tower for Kara! Space Dad being there! 

(Oh, forgot another scene in my haste to rejoice over game night. Winn and Brainy. T’was good.)

(Oh, no, forgot another one: LENA HAS Q-WAVES. THE GOL-DANG MIND CONTROL PLOT CONTINUES.)

And then there’s the cliffhanger and the next episode preview WHICH I’m absolutely looking forward to because MORE WINN and also KARA AND WILLIAM GET TO SING “AFRICA”.

WHICH...thank you, show, for giving us “Africa” after revealing that was Kara’s other choice, but she went with “Intergalactic” back innnnn...season...three? Well the reveal was in season four. But karaoke night proper was in season three. And “Intergalactic” was great! But. 

COME ON.

IT’S GONNA TAKE A LOT TO DRAG ME AWAAAAAAY FROM YOOOOOOOOOU

Anyways. Wonderful episode! A true season highlight! David did such a good job! EVERYONE did such a good job! This fandom is the worst! And I hope that they actually DO stop watching the show, because it will be better for their emotional well-being and mental health, as well as our own!

[weirdlyokaywithit]

The Reaper Meets Winter

MobEnforcer!BuckyxMobEnforcer!Reader

Warnings: violence, swearing(lots), gallows humor.

“Fucking go intercept Hydra’s gun shipment. Like I’m a fucking runner. Fucking bullshit. I hurt and kill people. That’s my job. I’m not a fucking errand boy,” You griped under your breath.

You peered around the corner and scanned the shipyard, two in front of the container you needed. They appeared to only have smaller firearms, you smirked. Piece of fucking cake then.

“Two guarding the shipment, only small firearms from what I can see. Y’all get ready to move out.” You hissed into the comms. You grabbed your rifle and looked through the scope, flicking the safety off you rounded the corner and fired two shots to the head before snapping back to your spot.

You peered around the corner and grinned when you saw both of them on the ground, flicked the safety back on and ran for the container. Your crew needed in and out fast and there was a very short window before the guards came for rounds. You slid open the container door and saw the big wooden crates filling the entire metal box. Snagging a crowbar you popped the lid off of one to confirm these were the guns your boss was after, no use in getting the wrong shit. You rifled through the crate, unlocking cases and checking for the right models. All there.

You were so busy checking the guns you didn’t hear anyone approach, you instantly froze when the barrel of a gun pressed to the skin on the back of your neck.

“Who the fuck are you?” The Brooklyn accent was covered in a sexy baritone.

You didn’t answer, you didn’t need to answer. Because if this son of a bitch was gonna kill you then no one needed to know that the Black Plague was stealing shit from Hydra.

“Sweetheart, I don’t ask questions twice.”

Now you laughed, “Well, sweetheart, I don’t answer to you.”

He snorted now. “You’re not Hydra, those pussies don’t have a sense of humor. So why are you standing in a Hydra container?”

He took the gun off the back of my neck and I slowly turned around, and the man that stood before me made me catch my breath. Shoulder length brown hair, sexy scruff along a perfectly sculpted jaw, ice blue eyes studying my features. His full pink lips formed an “O” as he whistled lowly.

“Definitely not Hydra.” His eyes raked down my figure.

“Apparently neither are you. So who the hell are you?” You snarked.

He smirked, and you melted on the inside.

“Ah-ah, doll, I asked first.” His blue eyes twinkled and you flushed. What the hell was it about this guy?

“The Reaper.”

His blue eyes widened and you smirked, now that was a shock factor that would never get old. You were the top enforcer for the Black Plague, a mob that was primarily Russian and very, very well known. The Vasilievs were a pre-dominately female family and they took their reputation very seriously, which meant we left no witnesses and no traces. You had worked with them since you were thirteen in Russia, after living on the streets and fighting for food and money in the back alleys. Natasha had found you, she couldn’t resist trying to help you find a better life after watching you bring a grown man to his knees. She had brought you to Alena, the current head of the Black Plague, and begged for her to train you. Natasha had vouched for you and made you into who you were now, you had exceled in hits and torture. You knew that your persona “the Reaper” was like a myth among other mob enforcers, no one who had seen your face and known who you were had ever lived to tell the tale.

“Bullshit.” Your mouth dropped open at his words, who the in the fucking hell did this guy think he was questioning you.

Glaring at him, you yanked your sleeve up your left arm bearing your tattoo of the Reaper’s scythe, which you would cut into your victims when they were an example as not to fuck with the Black Plague. His eyes narrowed on the tattoo and he grinned wolfishly.

“Well, shit, if I’d known you were gonna be hot, I would definitely have tried to find you, darlin’.”

“Now, who the hell are you?” You snapped.

His shit-eating grin got even bigger and your body flushed with pleasure, this man was sex on a god dang stick.

“The Winter Soldier.”

You narrowed your eyes and recalled the whispers of the famed Winter Soldier as much as you could, extremely lethal in all forms of combat, extremely good with weaponry, all weaponry. Fluent in several languages including Russian, you had heard many tales of his torture when he was under Hydra influence. Upon his return to the Howling Commandos, a mob under Steve Rogers who you had encountered at a distance once before, he had undergone extensive recovery. Since his recovery the Winter Soldier had been busting Hydra’s balls, you’d heard of all of his looting and slaughter of their agents.

“What do you need this container for, Soldat?” You cocked your head at him.

“Oh, so the infamous Reaper has heard of little ole me? Interesting. In answer to your question, dollface, I want to steal the shit in it.” His eyes twinkled with mischeif and he looked surprisingly unhaunted but you pegged it for a facade.

“Well, that’s gonna be a problem because I want to steal the shit in it and I was here first.”

He grinned at you, and let out a belly warming chuckle.

“Oh, sweetheart, I wasn’t asking,” he raised his gun and you snagged yours from it’s holster and had it up at the same time.

“Neither was I.”

You both circled, gazes locked and faces stony. He flicked the safety off and you followed suit, he looked hesitant to shoot and so were you.

“Sweetheart, I don’t wanna shoot you,” He spoke seriously.

You nodded, “I don’t wanna shoot you.”

“Guess we’re stuck then, cause we both know one of us is gonna have to shoot. And by the looks of it, our window is closing. The guards will be by for rounds soon. We both know that. Decide what we’re gonna do sweetheart.” He drawled in that sexy Brooklyn way.

He was right about the guards, your team was in place to move out at your signal with the shipping container. You opened your mouth to answer him but was cut off by the sound of a gunshot and a shooting in your thigh. Your mouth formed an O and you looked down in shock.

“Fuck.”

He looked at your leg and immediately sprung into action, shoving you down behind the box and firing out of the container. You stared dumbly at your leg, you’d been shot because you’d been distracting by a sex god disguised as an enforcer. That didn’t happen to you.

“Listen, doll, I don’t wanna die so I’m gonna need you to look at me.” He spoke kindly, his hand under your chin guiding your gaze to his.

“I know it hurts but I need you to do the best you can to help me get us out.” His voice was hypnotic but it helped to bring you back to reality.

You scooted to the right edge of the box and leaned on your side gun in hand. Three Hydra goons visible, one caught sight of you and before he could open his mouth you plugged a bullet between his eyes. He crumpled and Soldat took the other two, he glanced down at you with a soft look gracing his features.

“Alright, doll, you’ve earned name basis. I’m Bucky. Well, James Barnes but I don’t like James so Bucky.” He said, crouching beside me. He pulled my pant leg to get a look at my wound, Bucky sucked in a breath and his eyebrows furrowed.

“Y/N,” you grunted at him.

Upon your words his blue eyes flicked up to yours, and he grinned.

“Alright, here’s the deal, I’m gonna get you outta here. You’re losing blood like fucking crazy, I think they nicked your femoral. So I gotta get you out fucking faster than a New York minute.” As he spoke he hauled you up, draping an arm around his neck. He wrapped his hulking arm around your waist and held his gun in his left.

“B-Bucky, I really wanna la-lay down,” you slurred.

Bucky looked down at you slightly frightened, and smiled kindly while hushing you, “I know, sweetheart. You can lie down in just a minute okay?”

You nodded and did your best to hobble with him out of the container, Bucky peered his head out and fired three rounds. Apparently they all hit their targets because he then hauled ass out of there.

You blinked slowly, everything blurring, you could vaguely hear Bucky calling your name and asking you to stay with him before everything went black.

__________________

Everyone can thank @valkyriesryde for this being a coherent bundle of words. LOVE YOU RY 💜

[fanfic-inator795]

Headcanons and thoughts about Warren and Hypno/Hippoworm (is that the ship name? *shrugs*)

I had a LOT of shipping thoughts about these two while at work today, so I hope you guys like hearing about them:

Because of getting his mezmeroo attack redirected back at him, Hypno doesn’t remember his and Warren’s first meeting. Though if someone told him about it - and about Warren ruining his plan - he honestly wouldn’t hold THAT big of a grudge over it, just because he can’t remember enough to be upset and it’s so far in the past now it doesn’t even seem to matter

Given that they didn’t interact much in ‘Stuck on You’, Hypno doesn’t remember that meeting either. Literally his first impression of this strange worm man is him literally dragging a chair into the ELoM meeting and then straight up zapping a hotel worker. So… pretty good first impression

Warren on the other hand, who does remember their first meeting, was not at all impressed with Hypno at first and just considered him to be a sub-standard villain at best. (he’s kinda jelly of just how big and tall he got to be thanks to his mutation though)

A few days after ‘Evil League of Mutants’/getting blasted off again by a turtle with a ladder, Hypno runs into a rather down and depressed looking Warren who’s just wandering around alone. Not knowing him very well though liking him well enough, Hypno stops him and invites him back to his place for tea

(the semi-flashback during Warren’s big speech in WaHSiaT, the bit where Hypno pulls the paper off a sad Warren with a five o’clock shadow is a dramatization of this. Gotta make it sadder to pull on the heartstrings, lol. Also where was his gauntlet in that scene?)

The two start hanging out regularly after that, mostly just talking or watching tv together - which is where they get their love of making fun of people on tv together

Warren also really appreciates Hypno’s genuine kindness and gentleness - and the fact that he doesn’t forget who he is, heh

He tries to be nice to Hypno in return because of this, even if he sometimes still talks a bit too much about himself at times. Hypno doesn’t mind too much

The point where they first open up to each other - Hypno revealing how he lost his hippo Doug and Warren being genuine about just how much being forgotten and losing his career hurt - is the big turning point in their relationship.

Are we ever gonna learn what happened to Doug, btw? Like, seriously what’s the story there? and while we’re at it why does Warren hate the turtles so much? 

Hypno: “We may have lost a lot through all this… But, hey, we found each other, right? So, maybe it’s not all bad.” Warren decides that he agrees.

He moves into Hypno’s place shortly after

Originally Warren agreed to be Hypno’s magical assistant just to try and get his face back out there and earn some fans, but eventually found that he also liked helping Hypno and making him happy

Warren just naturally sits on Hypno’s shoulder or head when they watch tv, Hypno not minding at all (besides, makes it easier to cuddle)

their fave gameshows to watch (and make fun of) are Wheel of Fortune, The Price is Right and America’s Got Talent (Hypno likes making fun of the bad magic acts, and when the acts are amazing Warren will tell him they’re not NEARLY as amazing as him)

When Warren has a bad day, Hypno will wash/condition his hair and give him a scalp massage, letting his roomie vent all he wants while Hypno scrubs his troubles away

When Hypno has a bad day, Warren will get him fresh fruit, something Hypno’s loved ever since his mutation

On one occasion: “Kiwis for my favorite kiwi!” “…*sigh* You just couldn’t resist, eh?” “Nope!” 

Warren also gets Hypno flowers sometimes, since Hypno really seems to like them

Hypno may or may not be keeping the first bouquet Warren ever bought him - yellow tipped with red roses - alive with magic

Trying to be as proper and dignified as possible, Hypno almost never curses - which means Warren totally teases him whenever he lets a ‘bugger’ or a ‘god dammit’ slip

Warren on the other hand couldn’t care less about swears. He doesn’t swear every other sentence or anything - I’d imagine it would be hard to get a job in television if that were the case - but if he’s really worked up or angry he won’t try to censor himself

For the first few weeks of their relationship, Google was Warren’s best friend. Now, Warren knows (almost) every New Zealand phrase there is

Going off his ‘my golden voiced amigo’ line, Hypno loves listening to Warren sing to himself whenever he’s in the shower (technically the bathroom sink since he’d just end up getting washed down the shower drain but w/e)

This also means that karaoke nights between the two of them are frequent

Their first Big Fight was over Hypno’s doves continuing to try and eat Warren and Warren nearly zapping their feathers off. 

It wasn’t bad enough to break them up, but Warren was all pissy and purposely annoying the rest of that day while Hypno just gave him the cold shoulder

After a day of this they got lonely and missed each other, so they apologized to each other and Hypno spent the rest of that week diligently training his doves

Hypno’s rabbits, on the other hand, Warren doesn’t mind at all, and if one is out and hopping about and Hypno isn’t there, Warren will usually pet it/curl up on it

Warren’s a naturally fairly neat and tidy person, so he doesn’t mind too much when Hypno skips out on his side of the chores, even if he’s still slightly annoyed

to make up for this, Hypno does most of the cooking around the place and always has a cup of coffee or tea waiting for his roomie/best friend/boyfriend

When they first realized Warren and the Gauntlet were being hunted down by Draxum, Warren tried to leave, genuinely worried about Hypno’s safety even if he tried to play it off at first

Hypno refuses. “I can’t lose you too!”

This is the first time they tell each other they love each other (with how naturally Warren said it in WaHSiaT, that couldn’t have been the first time)

Warren fell into a depressive state after losing ‘Charlotte’. Hypno comforted him the best he could, but after a couple days passing with nothing changing, Hypno thought that maybe Warren was mad at him for the role he played in losing the gauntlet. So, Hypno spent the whole day and a good part of the night out of the apartment, figuring he should just give Warren some space

This led to him coming back and finding Warren in the middle of a complete and total emotional breakdown

He’s sad and angry about losing his cool power glove, but even moreso, he’s afraid that without it not only is he weak, but he’s truly forgettable and useless - even to the people he loves most and who love him. His Channel 6 co-workers forgot about him, why wouldn’t Hypno eventually?

This led to LOTS of apologizing/comforting/reassuring/hugs and kisses on Hypno’s part, with Warren eventually crying himself out on Hypno’s shoulder and the two of the sleeping on the couch together

After going back to Clem’s and not finding another magic artifact that feels as ‘right’ as the gauntlet did and discovering that a simple handgun would send him through a freaking wall on recoil, Warren decided to just have a taser on him as his new weapon. At least a taser is similar enough to a lightning-shooting gauntlet. He names it Charlotte the 2nd.

Hypno also uses his magic to shrink down a couple of his razor rings to give to Warren. Even if Warren can’t control their aim with magic, they still cause a decent amount of damage to an enemy with a hard enough throw.

Despite practically being together since Warren moved in, when the two of them officially decide to go from best friends to boyfriends they end up inviting all their old ELoM mates over to celebrate and announce the good news (minus Draxum, naturally). Todd and the Sando Brothers are happy for them, Repo could care less, and Meatsweats says congrats but is mostly just trying to figure out how to get Warren alone so he can maybe get a taste of his regeneration powers

He gets smacked on the snout with Hypno’s wand and nearly takes a razor ring to his face for his troubles.

Hypno still tries to help Warren with his plans whenever he’s a particular ‘revenge against those dang turtles’ mood and Warren will assist when Hypno has a scheme of his own, but mostly the two of them keep each other satisfied enough that they spend most of their time hanging out, watching tv and practicing magic (and cuddling/kissing) together

PHEW! Like I said, I had a lot. BUT I hope you guys liked it! ^v^ btw, I may turn that whole emotional breakdown bit into a Hippoworm oneshot, but if any hardcore Warren and Hypno shippers wanna steal that idea, go for it! *thumbs up* ^v^

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Fate/Zero 1 - 25 (FINAL)

Most of these notes stayed intact during Fate/Stay Winter posts, but I’m releasing them in an unedited version here (aside from the dotpoints and read more, of course).

Fate/Zero 1

For some reason, I have it recorded that I’ve watched F/Z ep. 1, but I don’t remember it!  I only remember Saber fighting someone…that’s why I have notes for this ep too.

Ewwwwwww…what’s that in the Macedonian box…?

Oh! Heaven’s Feel is the name of one of the movies that came out this year or last.

LOL, the grandparents of Waver literally refer to him as “Waver”. I thought it was a title. Is it really his name???

I’m very good at making connections between seemingly disconnected things using only the things I know. I predict Kariya’s in for a verrrrrrrry bad time and will probably die in this Grail War, if not go bananas. I already know Rin, Ilya (the Einzbern child) and Sakura are already part of the Fate/ canon, so they’re probably going to fight in a Grail War as well.

Ahhhhhhh! B*stard Archer (that is, Gilgamesh)! He’s hereeeeeeeee!

What’s that counter on the ep title card…? Is it the time until the Grail War…?

Fate/Zero 2

I’ve seen enough spoilers being bandied about that I already know Rider is Alexander the Great.

Like, seriously, why do we call the dude “Waver Velvet”? What’s his real name?

Kiritsugu acts as Ilya’s dad, but…I’m pretty sure he isn’t her dad. Kiritsugu’s surname is Emiya, right? He’s Shirou’s dad, as far as I know. Then again, I only know what I know from being around Fate/ fans for so long.

LOL, there are far too many dragons in this name – Ryuunosuke Uryuu.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh! Is this Giant B*stard Archer???? Is this Giant B*stard Archer??? (i.e. Gilgamesh) Oooooooooh! No wonder people like Gilgamesh, even though they call him a giant loveable b*stard.

Fate/Zero 3

Thy don’t call Rider that for nothin’, eh?

I wonder how Saber managed to get a passport…? She’d need one, eh?

Oh…CGI car…it’s burning my eyesssssssss! (although I do believe Troyca didn’t do any better with El-Melloi’s Case Files)

“Hotel in Fuyuki” – They couldn’t be any more explicit with this stuff, could they…?

“…Highness.” – I can see why Saber is so popular with the Fate/ fans now.

Huh? I seem to remember the battle that comes next! Damn *bleep* <- (censored name of anime club manager responsible for the anime marathon that caused me to go from the beginning of F/Z in the first place)! I definitely remember Saber fighting Lancer.

Fate/Zero 4

(sorry, seen this one! That’s where the confusion was! So no notes here!)

Fate/Zero 5

Berserker looks like Goblin Slayer covered in smoke…LOL.

…Well, they don’t call that guy Berserker for nothin’ either.

Rider would make a great Santa Claus, LOL.

Fate/Zero 6

Isn’t there a Joan of Arc in the Netflix Fate/ (Apocrypha)?

Dang, that Kayneth is an evil b*stard, alright!

Kirei is basically Wolverine…?

No wonder you never hear about Caster when people talk about Fate/…he’s neither hot nor a waifu…so nobody gives a s*** about him.

Fate/Zero 7

Is that a Gantz?

Wait, y’mean Rider is motivated…by pants? *spits* Hahahaha…

You can see Ufotable’s much-praised CGI at work here, too.

I can definitely see why Ufotable was chosen for Katsugeki and why they chose Izuminokami for their protag.

Had to google Jeanne to remember what she looks like in this universe, but yeah…she does look like Saber.

For some reason, I had a fleeting thought that Lancer would be the one to be on the mountain alongside Saber…I was right.

So basically, the entire Fate/ series is this: who would win? A mage or an assassin? (Or something like this.)

Fate/Zero 8

I still think Kirei is basically Wolverine.

Kiritsugu = “to cut and tie”.Update: It’s “to tie” and “to inherit”, apparently.

F/Z 9

I wonder…just what is Lancer’s motivation for the Grail? Surely, Servants have their own motives…

I literally covered my eyes when Sola-Ui bent Kayneth’s finger back…it was almost as bad as seeing Nozomi get tortured (Magical Girl Spec-Ops Asuka)…*gulp*

“Not well” is an understatement, Sola-Ui.

I had to google how old Waver was in this Grail War…he’s 19, apparently, so right in my strike zone right here, so to speak~.

Beleaguered Waver is what you cool kids would call the 2020 Mood…and yes, I’m watching this on the 1st of January, 2020 (but you’re reading this after I put it up later in the month), so I’m keeping the comment.

“What kind of moron would go busting in?” – *facepalm* It seems Rider would.

What the heck is Rider riding his chariot over on the floor, anyway? What’s up with these sewer creatures ? They’ve got tentacles…!

F/Z 10

Rin reminds me of Asuka (NGE)…*gulp* That can only mean bad things for her.

Zenjo? I’ll make a note of that name.

That one glowing sign says “Fuyuki Station”.

Rin no Bouken = Rin’s Adventure. I don’t see why the subbers included “Big” in there, tbh.

F/Z 11

Uh-oh. Why do I get the feeling Saber’s going to get very, very drunk…?

Gee whiz, the great b*stard is a narcissist…

Well, sometimes I forget I had “Archer = Gilgamesh” spoilt for me ages ago…probably because he’s all over Babylonia, not to mention he seems to be one of the more popular characters precisely because he is the great b*stard.

“I wish for my homeland’s salvation.” – An interesting thing to say, considering Brexit.

What the f*** is a Gordius…oh, okay. So that’s Rider’s chariot.

How many Assassins are there??? I thought there was just the one, but there were 4 last time.

This discussion is interesting…no wonder Saber got mistaken for Joan of Arc back in the day.

Welp, Assassins gotta assassinate…*shrugs*

Eyyyyyy…there’s this one guy who looks basically like an older Waver Velvet! That explains a few things, I think.

F/Z 12

“Ramasonic” (sic).

I still think Gil-I mean, Archer’s snakeskin pants are hilarious.

I feel like last episode was a lot better in regards to how good Fate/ could be. This episode is just Ufotable animating talking Gilgamesh and Kirei heads.

Why do I get a bad feeling something bad’s going to happen to Maiya…again?

Kirei trying to look bada*s while leaning against a wall…it looks sort of funny, to be honest with you…because he bends his neck at a funny angle.

F/Z 13

This is the end of the 1st cour, apparently…according to AniList, at least.

“…5 billion people.” – I think the number is 7 billion now, but okay.

Never leave your Servant unsupervised, amirite?

I saw one of the bookstore’s shelves has science fiction on it…hmm, in a show with magic, that seems ironic…or was that non-fiction? Also somewhat ironic.

Oh, this “Don’t you want to do anything fun?” from Rider to Waver is an interesting parallel to Kirei’s episode (the previous one).

Dragon guy’s off his rocker…seriously.

Paraphrasing here, but “…if you want to use the Grail to make yourself taller…” – then stick to milk and other calcium products, Waver…LOL. I mean, other anime characters do.

Even Saber Naruto runs! There are no aliens here…but that car does have gull-wing doors (<-had to google what the doors were called), so…is it a DeLorean or something? Then someone could time travel instead.

I thought one of the previous commands from the overseers was to defeat Caster…?

Fate/Zero has become a kaiju movie, LOL.

Scared Waver is also a 2020 Mood…LOL.

F/Z 14

What’s this “Giant of Light” business…?

Geesh…If Ufotable did a Godzilla movie, I would watch that…(now that this monster makes me think of that possibility.)

This is a small quibble, but is it “Diabolo” or “Diablo”?

Somehow it didn’t even hit me until the fight was halfway over…but does Gilgamesh control a flying airship as part of his Noble Phantasm?!

Pretty scenery or not, talking people standing still are just that…not very entertaining, for sure. It’s basically the only flaw of this series, aside from the fact it hasn’t plumbed the depths of its themes yet.

Ufotable’s clouds look kind of like Gainax’s in Houkago no Pleiades, huh?

Tokiomi seems to blame Kariya for the whole sister vs. sister thing. Hmm, it really just shows how demented the guy is.

F/Z 15

Berserker is only ever in CGI, huh? No wonder Ufotable was given the job.

“That’s…from King Arthur’s legend…” – Can I please interrupt with the Excalibur song? (I’m annoying like that and want to ruin your level of immersion, that’s why.)

Hey, who knew? We get to see Joan in this anime, too. Thank you, Ufotable and Type Moon for saving me a Netflix subscription.

F/Z 16

“Things have been rather hectic this evening.” – Well, you don’t say…

*Saber and Lancer start their fight * - I detect signs there may have been people shipping Saber and Lancer at this point in time, what with their mutual ideas of honour and such.

Kayneth is kind childish, LOL – he’s like a kid peeping at his parents while they complain to each other about a hard day’s work or something.

Uh, this curse from Lancer here is definitely gonna be relevant later, right…?

I was muttering, “Oh goodness” (<- I’m self-censoring here, but you get the point) a few times over when Kiritsugu and Maiya finally got around to killing Kayneth, Lancer and Kayneth’s fiancee. By the way, were those two ever married…? Also, this makes me wonder…what would happen if you got a completely useless Servant? Like “King of Fools” or something. It would sound like the Familiar of Zero, sure, but it would be an interesting exercise in making a compelling narrative.

F/Z 17

Dangit, B*stard Archer. Disappearing just after you provoked Kirei…

Oh! I found the Avalon scene confusing at first, but now that they explain it, it makes a lot more sense.

“As I live and breathe, Kirei!” – Sounds mighty ironic for a meant-to-be-dead historical figure to say that.

F/Z 18

We jump to someone else’s story…or do we?

For some reason, I think this beach place is based on Okinawa. (It seems like the best match.)

“This isn’t a game.” – Seems highly ironic, given his current situation.

I know Kiritsugu is probably looking into Shirley’s eyes, but all they show is the boobs downwards, so I imagine it to be fanservice.

That shaking was just to disguise the bad animation, wasn’t it…?

…and suddenly, zombies!

Well, that’s great, Kiritsugu. You ended up burning down a village by association. Good job…

“Vampires.” – Well, that wasn’t the word I was expecting…

For some reason, I think this new arrival is a woman, but now that I get a proper look at their face, they kinda look like the Great B*stard (Gilgamesh). Update: It looks like they have cleavage, but then they also kinda resemble Samatoki (Hyp Mic)…so, uh…I dunno. Update 2: Okay, she’s a woman…Natalia, to be precise.

The houses on fire look a lot like the ones in Katsugeki, come to think of it.

F/Z 19

Wait, what’s a Mystic Code again…?

Oh, I didn’t think this show would do it, but there’s a good few seconds of recap. I know, because I had to skip it.

Oh, the reason Kiritsugu doesn’t seem to ally with the Association or the Church is because Natalia wasn’t part of either. Right…I’m so dumb.

Am I just reading into Kiritsugu’s pose here too much, or does he look like Christ the Redeemer a bit…?

There’s something oddly pretty about Vorzak. Then again…it’s too bad he’s designated to be dead.

I could tell Kiritsugu was CGI for a second…but he was in fog. Dangit, Ufotable. You know how to disguise your CGI well.

…Okay, those bees were very CGI. Scrap what I just said.

Bees on a plane. What a way to die.

I’ve noticed Kiritsugu’s eyes don’t have any pupils in them. They’re always kind of dead, but not in th same way En’s (<- from Boueibu) are.

What happened to Kiritsugu’s mother…?

The extended flashback seems to be the best way to my heart, assuming you can pull it off properly.

What’s with that “sometime, somewhere”?

F/Z 20

There hasn’t been a proper OP since 3 episodes ago.

Was Maiya ever interested in Kiritsugu as a woman? This vague pseudo-harem sorta annoys me, which is why I need answers.

The crows in this show aren’t very fluffy. Not that I have a problem with that…it’s just a bit random (and I’m saying that as I operate without much sleep and will have a huge period of getting up early in my near future, so you’re probably going to see even more randomness coming from my brain).

Modanyaki. Never thought I’d be googling a Japanese concept for this anime.

This sleeping bag Waver reminds me of Aizawa, but this is at least 4 years too early for that.

That cloud in the top left is shaped funny…like a knight, maybe? (There’s a triangular bit that looks lik a helmet.)

I believe the bird is a bush warbler (uguisu), based on the colour.

So this is where you learn what the f*** a Gordius Wheel is…right.(sounds a bit pissed)

Seeing Kariya squirm…it makes me thank my lucky stars I had the sound off. My imagination makes the scene worse, though.

So fakers beget fakers and killers beget killers, huh? Not surprising.

“I’ve always told him he was doing the right thing.” – Because you didn’t know any better, huh, Iri?

F/Z 21

“Knight on Two Wheels” – What would that knight be riding, a bike…? (somewhat sarcastic)

…A motorbike. Close enough. (not sarcastic anymore)

The motorbike’s plate says “Fuyuki - Te” – instead of a licence plate combo, Japan has a single hiragana.

Well, at least now I know why you never hear of Kariya outside Fate/Zero much…those worms don’t give him long to live.

Isn’t Tokiomi dead though…?

Holy s***, Kariya, you just got framed! *yells in the tone of voice as if Kariya got owned…which he did, in a sense*

*brow furrowed* What’s up with the framing of Aoi’s killing that makes this seem like attempted rape…?

Kirei looks all dead inside. (LOL) I know it’s the animators’ fault that they didn’t bother with him in that scene, but…he has the eyes of a dead fish there, y’know? I can’t help but laugh.

F/Z 22

Never in my life have I seen a grandpa want to talk on the roof.

The grandpa reminds me of Rider…that’s probably where part of their relationship comes from.

You can see the lack of sleep is getting to Kiritsugu right now…his face looks a little sunken…

…Fate/ is apparently pretty infamous for treating its women badly from a feminist persepctive and I think I get why now…(referring to the death of Aoi and now Kirei’s treatment of Iri)

I think the scariest part of F/Z is watching th emotionless guy learn how to feel…kinda like Equilibrium, y’know?

Hmm? I wonder how this show will choose to end, since it’s signalling its end from 3 episodes out?

I predicted Rider would say something along the lines of “…befitting of the Rider class” and lo and behold! He did!

So Rider can summon a single horse as well as the entire chariot? *Saitama face* Okay then.

Number of Times Waver Appears: 1, Number of Times Waver Cries: 1, Number of Times Waver Blushes: 2

Come to think of it, even though I had that weird “Ohhhhhh! Great B*stard Archer!” reaction at first, Gilgamesh has shown up in most of the worst scenes of this show so far (basically, most of the “talking heads” scenes where he talks shop with Kirei). Then again, my change in feelings probably because I’ve had to keep a special eye out for Waver and knew Saber was the poster girl for the entire series.

The counter appears to be “time until the Holy Grail War”…well, that or its final conflict.

F/Z 23

I like how Waver’s joining in with Rider’s yelling.

I have the sound off, so now I’m just mentally narrating Sakura with this creepy child voice and it’s spooking me out…the Urobutcher could really go toe-to-toe with Stephen King if it weren’t my imagination…(LOL…?)

I feel sorry for that car’s owner…the car wasn’t meant to be wrecked…

I fully expect Berserker to be Lancelot or some other guy in King Arthur’s canon, judging by Saber’s reactio-hey, who’s Arondight…? Update: Oh, f***. It really is Lancelot. Turns out Arondight is the name of Lancelot’s sword. How did I know? There’s that upcoming Camelot adaption, isn’t there? Connect the dots.

Oh, f*** me – I feel conflicted. On the one hand, Lancelot’s hella handsome (and his dark hair is exactly my kinda thing), on the other hand…doesn’t he look like he came out of Castlevania or Vampire Hunter D or something??? F***in’ vampires!

Oh, f*** again, I stand corrected. Lancelot was handsome, before he became a Caster-looking…thing.

*bursts into spontaneous laughter* The new Lancelot looks kinda like Tsukasa from Dr Stone, LOL.

Number of Times Waver Cries: 2

Wait, isn’t Bucephalus Greek??? Update: No, he wasn’t. He was Alexander the Great’s horse. That explains why he’s Rider.

I was wondering how Waver managed to live long enough to be El-Melloi II when he was stuck in a battle to the death. Welp, that’s how he did it, folks! *points at screen*

Number of Times Waver Cries: 3…but…anti-climax, much, f***in’ Gilgamesh???

Uh, what’s up with Psalm 23:4? (I had to google that snippet of the Bible to find out its citation.)

LOL, Kirei and Kiritsugu have very similar faces. Didn’t realise that until now.

F/Z 24

It’s weird seeing Kirei full of fighting spirit…He’s still frickin’ Wolverine, though.

Is this taking cues from the Matrix? I bought it from the charity store the other day because I haven’t seen it yet, but I know Bullet Time from TV Tropes.

Now Kirei is channeling Bruce Lee, LOL.

Ouch…the bullet to the hand reminds me of the nail gun scene in The Island (which still freaks me out to this day). (…and now I’ve gone and done it – every time I think of that movie, I get the song The Island – part 1, at least - in my head as well.)

I can almost see Sakaido (from ID: Invaded) in some of these scenes instead of Kiritsugu…trust Ei Aoki and associates to do that.

I went to dump a screenshot in Paint and one of my Fate/ backgrounds from one of the previous posts was set to my background! (I have my backgrounds set to rotate every 12 hours and I have over 600 pictures for that purpose.) *sighs happily and incredulously* Well, whaddaya know…sometimes the stars do align.

I almost expected Shirley to appear, but it turns out it was Iri instead.

Kiritsugu still has his Command Seals so he’s still connected to the Grail War somehow…hmm…

C’mon, I predicted Gilgamesh would compliment Saber when she was down and bleeding.

F/Z 25 (FINAL)

Who’s Lord Justeaze?

Sakura has the same eyes as Kiritsugu. Dead, lifeless eyes.

Did Kariya just throw himself to the worms???

The Great Naked B*stard Gilgamesh.

A priest is a zombie, huh? How ironic.

Isn’t Gilgamesh annoyed by his lack of clothes…? Update: Never mind. He gets a cloth soon enough.

Wait, if Saber destroyed the Grail, who won…?

Huh? The timer ran out.

Aw, even Waver’s growing up.

One of the books says 零戦 (reisen) which apparently means “Zero Fighter [Plane]”. One of the sets of books says “William Shakespeare”, who I know is a Servant somewhere in the Fateverse.

The Bible verse is Job 19:25.

Lancelot’s head doesn’t disappear when the rest of him fades away…It’s pretty poignant.

Jubstacheit is the head of the Einzberns. Update: Think I had to google that.

“Becoming a hero has an expiration date.” – As much as I know that in my creative heart to not be true, my adult heart says yes, it’s true.

Welp, that’s the end of one series. Time for another.

[per-ineptia-ad-astra]

Star Trek Episode 1.16: The Galileo Seven

AKA Lord What Fools These Humans Be

Our episode begins with a captain’s log telling us that the Enterprise is traveling to a planet called Makus 3, or Mockus 3 according to the subtitles. Specifically they’re going there to deliver some medical supplies, but they happen to be passing by a phenomenon called Murasaki 312, which Kirk describes as being a quasar-like formation, and “a priceless opportunity for scientific study.” It’s pretty, I’ll give it that. Especially in the remastered version.

[ID: 1. A swirl of bright blue-green vapor glowing in the middle, in the midst of a starfield. 2. A large green cloud with a disc-like formation in the middle of it shot through with a beam of white light.]

Also, they have onboard one Galactic High Commissioner (now there’s a hell of a title) Ferris, who’s overseeing this whole medicine delivery business. Ferris has just now come up to the bridge, where Kirk is communicating with a shuttlecraft (you know, those shuttlecraft that they’ve definitely had all this time) about to launch, and boy, he looks like a fun guy.

[ID: Ferris, a white man with very short graying brown hair, wearing a blue uniform with an elbow-length cape on the back. He is standing just in front of the lift doors on the bridge, looking off to the side and somehow managing to look both grumpy and smug at the same time.]

Ferris is not happy about the Enterprise stopping to look at the glowy space cloud when they’ve got medicine to deliver, and on a tight schedule too. They’re supposed to be having a rendezvous with...somebody...to hand over the supplies so they can be transferred to the New Paris colony. Kirk says that that’s all very well, but he also, for some reason, has standing orders to investigate all quasars and quasar-like phenomena. Anyway, it’s a three day trip to Makus 3 and the rendezvous isn’t scheduled for another five, so they’ve got a two-day window, time enough for a roadside stopover.

This whole thing strikes me as odd. Not that such a formation would be scientifically interesting, I’m sure it would be. But the way Kirk talks about it, it’s as if this was some unexpected opportunity that they have to take advantage of because it won’t come again. But quasars (and, presumably, quasar-like phenomena) aren’t exactly the kind of thing that pop up one day and are gone the next. Also, they’re pretty hard to miss, and there’s no indication that they’re out in unexplored space or whatever. You could perhaps pass this off as the writers not knowing what a quasar is—likely--except that the thing has a name, which indicates that whatever it is, it’s been officially noticed and has stuck around long enough to be cataloged. So there’s no apparent reason why the Enterprise wouldn’t have been well aware, in advance, that this thing was going to be along their way, and no apparent reason why they have to study it right now. Are Kirk’s ‘standing orders’ so important that they supercede anything else the Enterprise happens to be doing at the moment? If the Federation cares about quasars (and quasar-like phenomena) so much, why not have dedicated science ships out there studying them instead of just making other ships stop and look at them whenever they get the chance?

To compound the problem, Ferris tells Kirk that he doesn’t want to take chances with this medicine delivery because “the plague” is out of control at New Paris and they really need these supplies. We’re obviously supposed to view Ferris as your standard unpleasant interfering bureaucrat, and he certainly doesn’t exactly have a charming personality, but to be honest, I think he kinda has a point on this one. It’d be one thing if the Enterprise was delivering some non-time-critical supplies and he was just being a grump about meeting a schedule, but, assuming The Plague lives up to that name, they’re delivering crucial life-saving medicine, and Kirk is being real dang cavalier about it. Yeah, they’ve got time until the meet-up—even though there’s no given explanation as to why the rendezvous has to be at that time and they couldn’t make it earlier, which would surely be preferable under the circumstances—but a lot of things can go wrong in space, which Kirk oughta be very well aware of by now. One would think they’d want to leave that window open in case they’re delayed by something unexpected, but no, let’s just go fly into a quasar, I guess, what could go wrong. This is like if they stopped in the middle of Balto to investigate an active volcano.

Kirk waves Ferris off and tells the shuttle, Galileo, that they’re cleared for takeoff, so off they take. Inside the shuttle is Spock, flying it; a male goldshirt; a female redshirt; Scotty; a male blueshirt; McCoy; and a male goldshirt. That’s seven alright. Seems like a bit of an odd selection. Given it’s a scientific expedition you’d expect a primarily science-focused crew, but here we’ve got Spock (makes sense), one blueshirt (cool), McCoy (for...whatever reason) two goldshirts (one is helping fly the shuttle, which makes sense, but the other one is just...there), a yeoman (who frankly has no business being there whatsoever) and Scotty. Scotty’s always good to have along, but what, specifically, they thought he would need to be doing on this trip, I don’t know.

As they fly towards the big green glowy thing, one of the goldshirts—Latimer—gives Spock a reading, then takes it back, saying the indicator’s gone crazy. The blueshirt, Boma, says that this is because quasars are really disruptive like that. The yeoman then reports that radiation is increasing.

With things already going wrong real bad, Spock tells Latimer to stop their forward momentum. Latimer gives it a shot, but nothing happens. Spock then tries to call the Enterprise, but gets only static. Man, it sure didn’t take long for this trip to go belly-up.

On the bridge, Uhura is likewise having radio trouble, unable to pick up anything from the Galileo except scattered fragments about them being pulled off-course. Kirk wants them to get a fix on the shuttle, but Sulu says the scanners are blank and that they’re getting “a mass of readings I’ve never seen before, nothing makes sense.” So...they’re blank or there’s a mass of readings? Which is it?

The ship computer chimes in with some technobabble that apparently means Murasaki 312 has ionized the entire sector. In a nutshell, their sensors are out, along with your choice of plot-relevant ship systems. Kirk looks mournfully out into the void and says, “At least four complete solar systems in the immediate vicinity, and out there, somewhere, a twenty-four foot shuttlecraft, off course, out of control. Finding a needle in a haystack would be child’s play.” What, you mean sending a lone shuttlecraft out to investigate a giant mysterious and dangerous space phenomena that said shuttlecraft was never equipped to handle, while on a time limit, didn’t turn out well? Who could have guessed!

After the titles, Kirk gives a log that just reiterates the situation: Murasaki 312 ate our shuttlecraft and now we can’t even look for it because our sensors are busted. Ferris is going on about how he told them so, which obviously is not endearing him to anyone. Kirk says they still have two days to find it, but as Ferris points out, you can’t search four solar systems in two days. At that point Uhura interrupts to say that there’s one inhabitable type-M planet in the solar system (she does not specify which solar system). It’s called Taurus 2, and it’s right in the middle of that big glowy mess out there. Oh, that’s convenient. Of course, they have no evidence that the Galileo landed on any planet, let alone that one—it could be anywhere in the vast amount of empty space in those solar systems, or it could have landed on one of the uninhabitable planets and they’re all going to die if they haven’t already. Lots of lovely possibilities! But they gotta start somewhere, so it’s off to Taurus 2.

By sheer coincidence, it turns out that in fact the Galileo has landed in the one place survivable enough to make an interesting episode out of. The outside of the shuttle looks okay, but from the inside it’s clear they had a rough landing. Everyone’s tossed all over the place clutching their heads and so forth, and a control panel is sparking pretty badly. McCoy goes into doctor mode and starts checking everyone out, but it looks like the only casualty was a bloody nose for Boma.

So what happened? Over a handkerchief, Boma says his best guess is that “the magnetic potential of the effect was such that as we gathered speed, it was multiplied geometrically,” causing them to be shot into Muraski 312 like a bullet. Scotty’s got a hell of a job ahead of him getting the shuttle back into shape. Man, it sure is lucky that they brought the chief engineer along on this trip. For whatever reason that they did.

McCoy does a scan of the atmosphere outside and says that it’s breathable—you wouldn’t want to run a marathon in it, but it’s breathable. Spock says they’d better clear out of there so Scotty has room to work and tells Latimer and the other goldshirt, Gaetano, to take some phasers and go scout around. They do, but no one else leaves. So much for giving Scotty room to work. Instead, McCoy sits in a chair the wrong way to talk to Spock.

[ID: McCoy and Spock sitting inside the Galileo. McCoy is sitting sideways with his back to the wall and one arm propped against the back of the chair, looking over at Spock, who is sitting forward and looking at his tricorder.]

McCoy, sitting sideways in chairs like a man after my own heart.

Spock and McCoy talk about their chances of being found. They don’t look good. Spock figures  the ionization effect that hit them is going to be widespread enough to affect the Enterprise too, leaving them without instrumentation to search with, which is going to make it damn hard for them to find the Galileo.

Sure enough, back on the big ship they’re still having no luck with the sensors, even after Sulu tried hooking them up to auxiliary power. Kirk calls the transporter room to see if they’ve got the transporters back online but the operator says that they beamed down some test material and it came back “in a disassociated condition” so they don’t dare try sending any humans through it yet. Yeesh. Yeah, I quite prefer being in an associated condition myself. In the meantime, Kirk tells the flight deck to get the other shuttle, the Columbus, ready to fly out and do a search of the planet’s surface.

Having a shuttle named Columbus is a bit unfortunate, since the most prominent explorer-type person named Columbus that comes to mind was an enormously terrible guy and one would hope we would have stopped giving him any kind of honor this far into the future. But then, the show never specifies that the shuttle is named after Christopher Columbus. Three hundred years from now there could easily have been another person named Columbus that did something significant, like a really cool astronaut or scientist. That’s my theory and I’m sticking with it.

While the Columbus gets ready, Uhura regretfully tells Kirk that communication is still impossible as both their transmission and reception are out. Ferris is still hanging around making a nuisance of himself, asking whether Kirk really thinks they’re going to find anything out there. Kirk says that he’s going to keep looking until the last possible minute and damn the odds (never tell Kirk the odds!), and Ferris says alright—but only until the last possible minute and not one second after.

Columbus heads off on its search, while down on the planet Spock goes outside to do some readings or whatever. McCoy follows him and comments that for as lousy as this situation is, it’s Spock’s big chance to get his command on. Spock says that he isn’t particularly enthused by the idea of being in command, but he’s not afraid of it either; it’s just a thing, neither good nor bad. But since he is in command now, he’s going to do it logically.

Inside, Scotty is elbows-deep in the shuttle’s dashboard. Things aren’t looking good. It seems they’ve lost a lot of fuel, so much that they don’t have any chance of reaching escape velocity and making orbit unless they lighten the load by about five hundred pounds. That’s the weight of three grown men, Spock points out. McCoy is all “uhhh how about we drop some equipment instead of some people” but Spock says that there’s just not that much non-essential equipment on the Galileo to begin with. The passengers are pretty much the only excess weight they have to lose, so either some people get left behind or it’s time to go build a refinery.

Boma is not happy with the turn this discussion has taken and asks who’s going to decide who has to stay behind. Spock says that, well, he’s in command, so it’s up to him to make that call. And no, despite what Boma suggests, he’s not planning to draw lots; he’ll make a logical decision based on logical means, logic logic.

Leaving the conversation on that cheerful note, Spock says they better go outside and make sure they haven’t overlooked any minor damage. Boma watches him leave and says, “If any minor damage was overlooked it was when they put his head together.” “Not his head, Mr. Boma,” McCoy says in the most dramatic manner possible. “His heart.” Thanks Bones.

Meanwhile the goldshirts are off scouting around in a ravine while some scary growling noises echo all around them. They decide to climb up the rocks nearby, because you know what would be a great idea right now: to expose themselves as much as possible. Sure enough, as they get to the top, something big and furry throws a giant spear at Latimer, impaling him in the back and knocking him into the ravine.

The rest of the party over at the Galileo hear Latimer’s scream and Spock and Boma go running to investigate. Gaetano climbs down the rocks while shooting his phaser wildly in various directions, as poor Latimer lies dead in the ravine with the spear shaft sticking up like a tree.

[ID: Gaetano, a white man with short dark hair, sitting on an outcropping in the side of a ravine and staring at a spearhaft that extends out of frame in both directions, while Spock approaches from around the corner.]

After the break, Spock and Boma arrive on the scene to find Gaetano sitting mournfully on a rock and staring at Latimer. He says he didn’t see the attacker clearly; he only knows that it was “something huge and terrible.” But he thinks he got it with one of those phaser blasts so Spock goes off to investigate. Gaetano tells Boma that the thing was “like a giant ape” and then, when Boma says, “Poor Latimer,” Gaetano optimistically says that at least Latimer was fortunate enough to die quickly. Thanks man. Really keeping up the team spirit there. But hey, on the plus side, now we only have to pick two people to leave behind.

Spock comes back and says that he didn’t find anything. Gaetano insists that there was something there and he’s sure that he hit it, which is more certainty than he had about one minute or so ago; Spock says he’s not doubting Gaetano, but the fact is there’s nothing there now. Then he pulls the spear out of Latimer—honestly I have no idea how the thing was even staying up in the first place—and examines it, saying that it resembles a kind of ancient Earth spear, but cruder and not very efficient.  Boma gets upset at this, irate that Spock can focus on things like the efficiency of the spear when there’s a man dead on the ground. The nerve of the man, gathering information about a dangerous and unknown situation. Spock points out that no amount of mourning is going to bring Latimer back to life. Gaetano, now also ticked off, says that they at least shouldn’t leave Latimer’s body there. Spock offers to help them carry the body back, but the two men coldly refuse and haul him off themselves.

[ID: Gaetano and Boma, a black man with short hair, carrying the body of Latimer between them through the ravine. Latimer’s shirt is pulled up exposing a black undershirt.]

Well, there’s at least one goldshirt who wears an undershirt.

On the Enterprise, Kirk notes in his log that their searching has turned up nothing, and he’s beginning to feel “a sense of utter futility, and great loss.” The transporters are still not safe to use, and Engineering is working on getting the sensors back online, but without Scotty around they’re real short on miracles, and not making much progress. But Kirk, of course, is not about to give up, and as soon as the Columbus comes back from searching a quadrant he orders them to start on the next one. Ferris is still hanging around pointedly reminding Kirk of how little time he has left, kind of like an annoying quest marker in a video game that pops up every five minutes to remind you to do the thing that you’re already doing.

Kirk orders the Columbus to expand its search radius by two degrees. Sulu points out that means they’ll be overlooking a dozen miles with each loop they make, but Kirk responds that it’s the only way they have a fighting chance of actually covering the whole planet in the time left to them. Ferris exits the bridge, but not before turning around in the lift and saying, “Twenty-four more hours, Captain,” as dramatically as he can.

Down below, Spock is offering some jury-rigging suggestions to Scotty, but of course Scotty’s already thought of all that and says it won’t work. Meanwhile, McCoy and the Yeoman are hauling some stuff out of the back of the shuttle, which should take off about fifty pounds of weight, and the yeoman thinks they can clear out another hundred pounds. A hundred and fifty pounds? What happened to there being nothing nonessential on this shuttle? Sure, that might not be much compared to the overall weight of the shuttle, but it’s a heck of a lot when you’re talking about having to leave people behind. Still, as Spock points out, even if they lose all that they’ll be another hundred and fifty pounds overweight. Hm, okay, if everyone loses twenty-five pounds we’ll be good.

McCoy can’t believe Spock is still planning to leave someone behind now that they know there are big dangerous furry guys out there with spears, but Spock points out that it’s a matter of saving one life, or six. In other words, the trolley problem. Or the shuttle problem, in this case.

Boma sticks his head in the door and says that they’re ready. Spock is confused about what, exactly, they’re ready for, and Boma says they’re doing a service for Latimer. Spock doesn’t want to lose any of their very limited time, but Boma insists that he should at least come and say a few words. In some desperation, Spock says that perhaps McCoy would be better for that, but McCoy insists it’s Spock’s place to do that, and Spock turning it down is met with hostility from everyone (except Scotty, who has bigger fish to fry, and the yeoman, who doesn’t seem to have any opinions on anything).

Call me a Vulcan, but I don’t entirely understand why this is a problem. McCoy would be the best person there to give any kind of funeral service. He’s a doctor, so he surely has more practice speaking about the recently deceased in a compassionate but formal way than anyone else there; he would be generally familiar with human funeral customs, unlike Spock, who would have an entirely different cultural background for such things; and he can more afford to spare the time because he’s really not urgently needed for anything at the moment. It might not be the most orthodox way of doing things, but under the circumstances I think we’re gonna have to skip the full formal ceremony with honors anyway.

But we don’t find out exactly how they resolved the funeral situation, instead skipping ahead to some time later. Spock and Scotty are still in the Galileo, Scotty digging through the innards of the shuttlecraft while Spock watches. Scotty grimly announces that a line has broken, meaning that they now have no fuel at all. So uh. Yeah, that’s bad. Spock tells him it’s time to start considering alternatives, to which an incredulous Scotty replies, “We have no fuel, what alternatives?” “Mr. Scott, there are always alternatives.” Like what? Black magic? “Alright, squad, I didn’t want to do this, but we’re gonna have to sacrifice Gaetano.”

At that moment, McCoy and the yeoman come running in, saying there’s something happening outside. Everyone runs outside, except Scotty, who can’t be bothered with any damn aliens or whatever when there’s an engine to be fixed. Gaetano and Boma are hiding behind a nearby rock while unsettling scraping kind of sounds echo all around them. Spock says it’s the sound of wood rubbing on leather, which Gaetano thinks means the aliens are about to attack. Boma points out that this could just be some kind of simple tribal rite, but Spock says that the artifacts prove these guys are too primitive for that. Um, artifacts? You have one. Or had one, more likely, that you looked at for like, fifteen seconds, before Boma started pitching a fit about it. There’s only so much anthropology you can do in that amount of time.

Boma thinks that if the aliens have any kind of tribal system, attacking one of them might drive the others off. Spock is like “oh, now we’re okay with having no sentimentality about life?” But Gaetano, raring to go phaser some cavemen, insists that “at least we’re practical about it.” Practical. Sure. You haven’t been practical about a damn thing since y’all landed on this rock, but now you want to start, huh?

When asked, McCoy says that Boma’s plan seems logical to him, which is a bit unusual—he’s usually the last one to be okay with any plan that involves killing, though at least he doesn’t exactly seem enthusiastic about this. Boma tries to invoke majority rules and Spock has to remind him that this isn’t a democracy. Man, Starfleet crewmembers seem to have to be reminded of that a lot. You’d think they’d go over this at the Academy.

Obviously they’ve gotta do something, but Spock is still uncomfortable with the idea of murdering the locals and decides to take a third option. McCoy and the yeoman (whose name, we finally learn, is Mears) are sent back to the shuttle to help Scotty, while Boma and Gaetano are to go with Spock. He tells them very sternly that they’re going to follow his orders to the letter and fire only at the targets he designates, which, again, doesn’t seem like a concept they should need a refresher on but here we are. Boma and Gaetano are all over this plan until Spock says that they’re only going to fire to frighten the aliens, not to kill them, at which point they go right back to sulking.

So the three of them head off into the Emyn Muil over there, skulking along through the ankle-high mist with phasers at the ready.

[ID: Spock, Boma and Gaetano approaching cautiously through the ravine, the floor of which is blanketed with white vapor.]

“Careful, boys, we’re in the land of dry ice machines now.”

Another giant spear comes flying at them, but luckily this one doesn’t hit anyone. They dodge behind some rocks and Spock fires his phaser, causing a nearby giant to drop a shield into the ravine. A shield that rather dramatically changes size between shots.

[ID: 1. Spock stands in the ravine with his phaser out, Gaetano and Boma crouched at his side. A large, crude leather shield has fallen to the ground in front of them. 2. The three men crouching in front of the shield, which is now so large all three of them can stand alongside it with room to spare.]

They get into position at Spock’s specifications, and he tells them to fire at designated angles on his command, but even now, Gaetano still wants to argue about it. His protests notwithstanding, Spock has them fire for a bit. Figuring the giants should be frightened off for now, he goes back to the Galileo with Boma, leaving Gaetano on sentry duty. He seems a bit too far from the shuttle to be serving as effective sentry duty, but maybe Spock just wanted to not have to deal with him for a while.

Back at the Galileo, Scotty has, what do you know, conjured up an alternative: he thinks he can adjust the shuttle’s main reactor to function with a substitute fuel supply. What substitute fuel supply do they have? The phasers! Of course, if they use all their phasers to fuel the shuttle, they won’t have any means of defense, but if they don’t, they’re all gonna die anyway, so there’s not much of a choice in the matter. Scotty says that if he uses up all the phasers he can achieve orbit with all remaining hands, although he won’t be able to maintain it very long.

As Spock points out, the Enterprise is going to have to leave in less than twenty-four hours now, so if they don’t achieve orbit in that time they’re screwed anyway. The general assumption seems to be that they have no chance of surviving on the planet long enough to be rescued, even if the Enterprise came right back. Which could well be true—I doubt they have much in the way of survival supplies on the shuttle, and there are hostile aliens all around. On the other hand, they haven’t yet tried actually defending themselves to their fullest capability, and the presence of those big guys would seem to indicate that there’s something to eat around here. I’m not saying they could definitely survive long enough for a later rescue, it just seems odd that everyone takes it for granted that staying on the planet will be a death sentence.

So Spock tells McCoy to hand over his phaser, which for some reason prompts a dramatic musical sting, even though they literally just went over their plans to do that, and anyway it’s not like McCoy gets a lot of use out of the thing. Scotty takes McCoy’s phaser along with Spock’s and sets about transferring their power to the shuttle reactor, which he seems to be doing by just sticking the phasers down in there and firing them at said reactor.

Up on the Enterprise, the transporter guys run a test on some objects that come back intact, and the operator tells Kirk that in his opinion, the transporter is now safe for humans. Which is not a statement that I think I would find terribly comforting if it was me going through that thing. Kirk seems alright with it, though, because he immediately orders landing parties to start going down. The transporter operator points out that he’s talking about searching a planet on foot in less than twenty-four hours, which, y’know, is really unlikely to work, but Kirk isn’t interested in hearing it.

In the ravines, Gaetano is stumbling around nervously amidst sounds of growling giants. A rock comes flying at him, hitting his hand and knocking away his phaser, followed by another spear. Rather than attempt to pick up the phaser, Gaetano tries to climb up the cliff wall, a course of action that very quickly peters out. He falls back down and cowers against the cliff while a giant slowly approaches from the end of the ravine.

I question the decision to actually show the giant onscreen because, frankly, he’s just not that impressive. Sure, he’s big, but he’s like, Andre the Giant big, not as big as you would be thinking from the size of the spear and shield. Seriously, that spear was like three times the size of Gaetano.

Also, for some reason he’s walking with his arms straight out like Frankenstein’s monster.

[ID: Gaetano backed up against a cliff wall in fear while a large furry man with arms extended walks towards him.]

Gaetano just kind of sits there whimpering while the giant slowly closes in on him and grabs him. He screams as the scene cuts to black, which is probably for the best because I don’t think there was ever a good way to resolve that particular bit of choreography.

After the break, Spock, McCoy and Boma are examining the ravine, where there is now no trace of Gaetano except his fallen phaser. Spock retrieves the phaser and gives it to McCoy to take back to Scotty. Boma is, shockingly, outraged by how Spock is “acting like nothing’s happened at all.” Yes, thank you, Boma. Spock then gives McCoy his own phaser as well to take back in case he doesn’t return—he’s going to go look for Gaetano, alone. The other two men watch him head off into the ravine. One might expect this to prompt some “oh I guess he really does care” response, but instead McCoy is just kind of like “yeah I don’t know he’s weird” and then they leave.

Spock heads through the land of fogginess and soon discovers poor ol Gaetano dead and laid out on a rock. The seriousness of this situation is somewhat undercut by Spock’s reaction, which is not so much that of a man discovering a dead comrade or even the stern stoicness of an inscrutable alien, but more a look that suggests that he just spilled a drink on the floor and is annoyed about having to clean it up.

[ID: Gaetano’s dead body slumped over a rock while Spock stands over him with his hands on his hips.]

Nimoy, my man, I love you, but why

Well, no man left behind and all that, so Spock hoists Gaetano into a fireman’s carry and takes him back to the Galileo. Along the way the giants return to throw more and more spears at him, but fortunately they are all terrible shots so none of them hit and despite having to go slow Spock makes it back just fine.

McCoy and Boma help him get Gaetano into the shuttle, and they’re not happy. McCoy points out that Spock’s super logical plan of frightening away the giants didn’t work out so well. Spock expresses open confusion about this because logically the giants should have retreated in the face of superior weaponry. McCoy snaps back that Spock’s downfall was only considering the possibility of a rational response and not an emotional one.

The whole conversation is, to be honest, kinda stupid. Spock’s handling of the situation is portrayed as a downfall of his prioritizing logic and not considering anything else (the writing of which doesn’t really fit Spock’s actual character, but we’ll get to that later). He expected the giants to react logically and the episode lets us know that that was the wrong option. The problem is, they’re dealing with a completely unknown, unstudied, alien race here. There’s no way, logically or emotionally, to know how they would react to anything. Sure, Spock assuming that they would retreat in fear rather than retaliate in anger turned out to be wrong, but they have absolutely no way of knowing whether following Boma’s plan would have worked any better. It’s entirely possible the giants would have been more angered by one of them being killed. Hell, it’s possible that none of this had anything to do with either fear or anger; it could have been motivated by something else entirely. For all they know the giants are just hungry. McCoy’s response isn’t necessarily surprising; McCoy’s always going to have a strong reaction to someone dying while he’s around, which he often expresses by lashing out, and Spock’s the closest possible target. But in the context of the arc of the episode we’re clearly supposed to take this to mean that Spock screwed up, when really, any choice in this situation was always going to be a gamble.

Anyway, things are quiet for the moment, and Yeoman Mears wonders why. Spock thinks the giants are probably studying the Galileo. Of course, as soon as he says that, the shuttle starts to shake. Aww, it’s like a mini Star Trek Shake. Adorable.

Turns out the shuttle is shaking all over the place because a giant is hitting it with a rock.

[ID: The shuttlecraft Galileo sitting among cliff walls while a giant stands over it with a large boulder poised to strike.]

Spock is just really surprised by all this, musing that he’s “made the correct and logical decisions all along...and yet two men have died!” And now the giants are attacking! And McCoy and Boma are mad at him! How strange! He seems to just be kind of mildly perplexed about all this, as if it’s a crossword puzzle he can’t quite figure out.

Up on the ship, there’s a brief interlude in which Kirk laments that the landing parties haven’t found anything, the instruments still aren’t working, there’s really nothing they can do, and then Ferris reminds him of how much time he has left. About the only purpose it serves is to tell us how much time has been passing, which I’ll admit is helpful because there’s absolutely no way to tell that from the rest of the episode. Apparently it’s been almost two days, but you’d never guess that if you just watched the sections taking place on the planet, which really give no indication at all that they’ve been down there that long.

Back in the still-shaking shuttle, Spock abruptly seems to get an idea and asks Scotty what shape the shuttle batteries are in. Scotty says they’re fine, but the batteries aren’t going to be making that shuttle take off in any circumstance. That’s not what Spock is up to, though. He wants to know if the shuttle batteries could electrify the exterior of the shuttle. Scotty immediately catches on and gleefully says that oh yes, they can. Really? Why can they do that? Who designed this?

So while everyone huddles on the floor carefully not touching anything metal (good thing this shuttle is carpeted), Scotty takes a panel off the wall and whacks the batteries with a wrench a few times. Sure enough, this causes quite a lot of electricity to go sparking across the outside of the shuttle. The giant is remarkably persistent even while being electrocuted, but eventually the shaking stops.

They’re clear for the moment, but there’s no telling how long the giants will stay away. In the meantime, Spock tells them to keep on clearing out the shuttle and lighten the load as much as absolutely possible. Of course, there’s one non-essential thing on board that comes immediately to mind: Gaetano’s body. It’s unfortunate but they’re going to have to leave him behind.

Boma insists on at least having a burial for him, but Spock points out that’s a big risk since the giants are not very far off. They’d be risking the safety of those who are still alive. But Boma starts getting really worked up about this, coldly telling Spock that, “I would insist upon a decent burial even if your body was back there.” McCoy and Scotty immediately reprimand him for going too far, but Boma doesn’t seem deterred.

Seriously, you gotta wonder what the deal is with Boma and Gaetano (or what was the deal with Gaetano, rather). Of course the situation is bad and they have every right to be uncomfortable or upset about it. But throughout the episode the two of them act like this is the first time they’ve ever had to even consider that they might have to make sacrifices or do hard things for the sake of getting as many people out alive as possible. If they were civilians thrust into this situation it’d be understandable. But we’re talking about trained military personnel. You’d kind of expect them to have at least some familiarity with ideas like “sometimes you may have to leave a dead man behind for the sake of those who are still alive.” Spock’s decisions throughout this episode are sometimes harsh but they are, well, logical for the situation they’re in. Sure, he could be more tactful about it. But tact is not a priority here! Boma and Gaetano seem to have just decided in advance to take issue with everything Spock does, and we’re supposed to see this as some conflict of emotion versus logic instead of them just being totally unwilling to deal with anything they don’t like.

On the Enterprise, one of the landing parties beams up with one dead crewmember and two injured ones. The leader of the party reports to the bridge over a viewscreen and tells Kirk they ran into some big furry cavemen; the dead crewmember got speared while another one somehow dislocated their shoulder. If the planet is populated by such aliens, the party leader points out, things don’t look real good for the Galileo crew.

Kirk is still loathe to give up hope, but at that point Ferris comes onto the bridge to tell him that the forty-eight hours are up and he’s assuming the authority granted to him by a special ordinance. In other words, they gotta go. Kirk doesn’t want to, but he has no choice but to call the search parties and the Columbus back and lay in a course for Makus 3.

After the break, Kirk gives a quick log to say that I don’t wanna leave but I guess we HAVE TO UUUUGHH. Uhura says that their sensor beams are now working, but everything else is still dead. Their course is set, and they have twenty-three minutes left before the Columbus gets back onboard.

On the Galileo, the yeoman is trying to contact the Enterprise, but predictably is not getting an answer. Scotty tells Spock that if they take absolutely everything they can out of the shuttle they can achieve orbit for a few hours, and if they’re real careful they might be able to manage a controlled re-entry—but, of course, the only place they would be re-entering is this dumb planet, so that’s not really an appealing backup plan. At any rate, Scotty figures they can take off in eight minutes—precise--so Spock gives the rest of the crew ten minutes to bury Gaetano. Not much time for a service, but it’s the best they’re gonna get. Meanwhile the Columbus has returned to the Enterprise and everyone’s ready to go, so it looks like Kirk can’t delay any longer. He tells Sulu to proceed to Makus 3...at space normal speed (whatever that is). Oh, and to direct the sensor beams behind them as they go. After all, he has to leave, but he doesn’t have to leave quickly. I mean, except for the plague victims and all that.

The Galileo crew gather in front of a couple of mounds, all set for their speedrun funeral service. (I have no idea what they dug the graves with.) Before anyone can even break out a eulogy, though, the proceedings are disrupted by the return of the giants. Oh, it’s almost like Spock was right about this being dangerous. Fancy that.

Spock yells at everyone else to get back inside the ship while he throws one of the spears back at the giants in an extremely last-ditch move that fails to accomplish anything. He promptly gets hit by a boulder that pins his leg, and tries to order the rest of the crew to leave him behind. They don’t, of course; McCoy and Boma run back to move that terribly heavy and definitely not polystyrene boulder off of Spock, and the three of them beat it back to the Galileo.

As soon as they’re inside, Spock immediately chastises them for not leaving him behind, as if McCoy would ever let anyone out-martyr him that easily. Unfortunately, the delay has given the giants time to surround the shuttle, and now they’re holding it down so it can’t take off. Spock has no choice but to activate the boosters, which gives them enough power to break free...but the spent fuel cuts down on the amount of time they’ll be able to maintain orbit. As he grimly tells McCoy and Boma, by saving him they may have destroyed their own last chance for survival. McCoy tells him to zip it.

Incidentally, I note that for all the talk of lightening the shuttle as much as possible, they didn’t remove the seats. I’d say that was for safety reasons, but since the things don’t have seatbelts I don’t really know how well they’re actually going to keep anyone from bouncing around the cabin.

According to Scotty they can make one orbit and then they’re going down, and since they used the boosters, they don’t even have enough fuel to make a controlled landing. That is one heck of a quickly decaying orbit. I’m no astrophysicist, but I think once you actually make it into orbit you’re usually good for a while.

Yeoman Mears protests that she doesn’t want to die up there. Well, no. I doubt anyone else does, either. Scotty reminds Spock of that thing he said about how there are always alternatives, and Spock admits that he may have been mistaken about that.

[ID: Spock sitting in the foreground while behind him McCoy, one hand on his chin, looks off to the side and says, “Well, at least I lived long enough to hear that.”]

For all that McCoy is usually the first one to protest at length about how space is gonna kill them all, when it looks like he actually is going to die in space, he’s remarkably calm about it.

They reach orbit, and Scotty says they have forty-five minutes, so you’ve about got time to write a will if you don’t own too much. Spock makes one last effort to contact the Enterprise, but nothing. Then he notices a switch. What’s this? ‘Fuel jettison’? I wonder what that does?

Spock flips the switch, jettisoning and igniting all their fuel. Naturally everyone is all wtf man. But on the Enterprise, Sulu looks up and sees a bright green line suddenly streaking across the planet behind them. Kirk immediately tells him to TURN THIS SHIP AROUND MISTER.

[ID: The viewscreen of the Enterprise, showing a rocky planet shrouded in green clouds, with a single bright green line trailing across it near the equator.]

All our sensors still no match for looking out the window.

As the crew of the Galileo waits for their doom, Scotty realizes what Spock’s idea was. It was well done, he says, but Spock doesn’t think there was anyone there to see. Their orbit begins to decay, and things start burning.“It’s getting hot,” Mears says. Thanks, Yeoman Obvious.

But then, amid the smoke filling the cabin, there is at the last moment a sparkle of gold. On the bridge of the Enterprise Kirk sits tensely in his chair, waiting, waiting—and then the transporter officer reports in. Moments before the Galileo disintegrated entirely, they beamed up five people.

Five people. It’s good news, of course, but seven people went out on the Galileo. I wonder what went through Kirk’s head in the time before he found out who didn’t make it back.

Well, we’re never gonna know about that. They head off to finally deliver that plague medicine, and sometime later McCoy’s up on the bridge chatting with Kirk, seemingly quite chill about that whole near-death experience they just had. As Spock walks by, Kirk flags him down to ask about that whole igniting the fuel business. After all, there was virtually no chance of them being seen. So it had to be an act of desperation, and desperation is an emotion, right? You did something emotional, right?

Spock says no, it was a logical act. And, well, it kinda was? Sure, it had barely any chance of working, but they had absolutely no other options, and it was the only thing that had any chance of working at all. It was either do that and risk dying soon, or not do it and definitely die in about forty minutes. But everyone is all ha ha, we got ya, you did something emotional! And the episode ends on a group laugh. Could be a stress laugh, I suppose, but it feels distinctly awkward considering we’ve still got two men dead, whose families will never get their bodies back.

No one really gets served well in this episode. The writing for Spock especially feels skewed distinctly out of character. Yes, he’s all about the logic, and sometimes he struggles to understand humans and their whole deal, but this episode takes it to an extreme. Spock’s far from completely ignorant of emotions—much as he might like to claim otherwise—and he’s certainly not stupid enough to think that doing things logically always guarantees success, not when you can’t control all the variables. His bewilderment that rational thinking didn’t automatically work just comes off as outright silly. The episode tries to set up this whole arc in which Spock tries to solve problems only with logic, fails, and then finally succeeds by committing an emotional act, but it fails for multiple reasons: first, because most of the emotion vs logic conflicts in the episode feel contrived and overwrought and make everyone else look way more unreasonable than Spock; secondly, because the final ‘emotional’ act is actually pretty logical; but mostly, because it feels far too simple a lesson for Spock to need to learn at this point. Yes, it’s his first command, but he’s an experienced Starfleet officer who’s been living and working with humans for over a decade. I could easily see him having some difficulty commanding humans for the first time, and that would have been a good episode if it was done more subtly, but as Spock Learns That Some Things Are Illogical For The First Time Ever, it just doesn’t work.

Meanwhile we’ve got Kirk, for whom arguing with bureaucrats and bending rules to save his crew is hardly out of character, but the urgency of their larger mission makes his flippancy about it seem uncharacteristically callous. McCoy complaining about things and arguing with Spock is perfectly on track, but some of his comments edge uncomfortably out of ‘vitriolic friends’ territory and into just plain vitriol, especially him being willing to go along with some of Boma’s nonsense. Maybe I’m biased about that, but this episode feels as if the writer was given descriptions of the characters but didn’t really understand what made them actually work in practice.

Well, except for Scotty. Scotty was alright.

TREK TROPE TALLY: We have two goldshirt deaths in this episode with Gaetano and Latimer. Next time we’re in for some serious fop with a side of dandy in The Squire of Gothos.

[manifestoonmoralmanlove]

Gormless Ch. 5 - Try to kill my boss? Haha you kids are alright!

A well-meaning friend gave me a book series that is hilariously bad. The first book was Souless and my riffs were entitled brainless. This second book is entitled Changless and these riff are then gormless.

I mean to say I have entitled them gormless! Not that my riffs are dumb, and the effort I spend on them stupid since I’m the only one who enjoys them. HAHA!

The story is SUPPOSED TO be about how a badass lady wearing a rad-looking carriage dress hits baddies with her umbrella and bangs her hot werewolf husband.  In reality it’s mostly poor attempts at being witty, flirty, and superior.

For the last book check out the brainless tag.

If you want the TL;DR version but want to read these new riffs anyway?

This story is set in supernatural Victorian steampunk England.  Alexia is our NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS protag.  She is a soulless, which means she’s able to negate the abilities of vampires and werewolves by touching them. She’s recently married a big oaf, named Lord Connel Maccon.  He’s the manchild in charge of the supernatural police with a zillion dollars and he’s totes super hot too ok.  Their relationship is mostly arguments about how Maccon can’t tell her fucking anything.  Alexia has also recently become head of ~Soulless affairs~ in Queen Victoria’s government.  She has a dumb friend named Ivy, a gay vampire friend named Akeldama, a family who’s evil because they do the same shit as her but while being blonde, and most importantly Alexia is better than everyone cause…cause.

Last time on Gormless:

There’s some mysterious force that’s turning the Vampires and werewolves into humans. Alexia is in charge of figuring out that deal, and she is doing a bad job at it.  Her husband is in charge of the Supernatrual Police (BUR) so he’s going to Scotland about it.

There’s a hot werewolf guy into Alexia called Channing and he’s a big jerk.  Ivy is getting married to some rich slub, even though she’s in wub with Maccon’s servant Tunstell.  Alexia just met a hot lesbian named LeFoux and wants to take her to visit her smart Vampire gay bestie Akeldama.

Chapter 5 – Try to kill my boss? Haha you kids are alright!

This chapter opens up with her seeing Lord Akeldama.  Basically they start by inviting Madame LeFoux and just catching up.  Turns out Akeldama has not seen the humanization phenomenon before even though he hella old, but his scouts discovered a military ship called the Spanker had people from the Kingair clan aboard who were humanized. We got similar info before, but there’s an implication that the humanization is traveling directly with the people of the Spanker.  There’s the implication that it’s moving north, and it has to do with the dead alpha thing.  

Something also of slight interest is that Akeldama tried to ~recruit~ Channing back when Channing was human. That Channing, so they say, used to be a charming sculptor and vampires and werewolves were fighting over him. That he went into the military/werewolfism cause it was more ~romantic.~ I think that’s all there just to put Channing back on the table as a love rival.

HE’S BAD RIGHT? BUT LIKE MAYBE NOT ALL BAD?

On one hand they’re fleshing him out.  On another hand it reeks of Marty-Stuing and it is not convincing me he deserves another chance.

Well what would make him desirable to you Faps?  Put him in an oversized sweater, with glasses, and he’s petting a cat?  

Okay okay!  My kink is valid and so is the kink for a man-child meathead okay.  I just wish my kink was more main-stream gosh.

So Madam LeFoux shows up and there is a brief bit of sassing between Akledama and her before Akeldama has to show off his aethographor.  They spend a lot of fucking time on this.  I guess this is for the folks into the steampunk aspect but like…I don’t really understand this appeal.  It basically boil down to it’s a telegraph machine but it prints letters onto metal with caustic chemicals. It has to be manned at all times, and some old ones need specific ~ Crystalline valve frequensors~ to communicate to one another but Akeldama’s LATEST EDITION doesn’t need it. I am a history nerd and reading about old machines is fascinating because you get to see how the machines have impacted the culture. I also like reading about Sci-Fi technology because either it’s cool to see what people decades ago thought was going to happen, or speculative future possibilities. In theory speculative fiction about an alternate universe’s history could be cool but this machine is just not that far removed from a telegraph machine and sounds like it’s a pain in the ass. But perhaps I’m just so spoiled by the fact that I could get a snapchat of a strange person’s butthole from Australia instantaneously without having to operate a machine the size of a room 24/7.  You have not truly enjoyed a stranger from down under’s…down under until you’ve seen it with the leopard ear snapchat filter!

Anyway he gives Alexia a ~ Crystalline valve frequensor~ with his frequency just in case.  She puts it in a pocket on her umbrella and it’s like DAMN GIRL WHY DIDN’T YOU LEAD WITH THE FACT THE THING HAS POCKETS? THAT’S WAY COOLER! (Even if impractical for regular umbrellas.)

The three of them part ways, Alexia is planning on taking a dirigible to Scotland in order to face this humanization and save her dumb-fuck husband.

Here we switch point of views to look through Lyall’s eyes. He’s tailing Alexia for reasons and some vampires are sneaking around Lord Akeldama’s place while she was visiting. The vamps almost attack Alexia but Lyall stops them with some pow pow action.  The vampires say they were just going to ~test~ Alexia and Lyall is just like haha that’s fine, go home you kids!  Also Alexia did not notice any of this.

I mean I’m kinda glad we had a bit o’ action but this was dumb. Lyall just lets these two jackoffs go after they tried to maybe kill/kidnap/whatever his master’s wife.  Also he doesn’t tell Alexia she was nearly attacked? Cause drama later on I guess? Fuck this writing!  I take back the nice things I said about Lyall!  Lyall instead just argues that Alexia shouldn’t go to Scotland. Sure Maccon relies heavily on his superpowers for everything, but not letting him know his powers are going to be suddenly taken away by a mysterious force which maybe out of his blood will definitely be fine. I guess because it’s now Lyall’s policy to make sure everybody around him, whom he attempts to protect with his life, is unaware of the danger around them. Cool, cool.

At least this time when Alexia badgers somebody about something she’s going to do, she’s right that it makes no sense why she shouldn’t. However she unwittingly has to take along a merry batch of fuckers. You’ll hear about them in a bit.

We have a big old scene where Alexia’s mother shows up and is like, “YOUR ONE SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED THE OTHER SISTER IS SO WRACKED WITH JEALOUSY SHE’S MAKING EVERYONE MISERABLE! YOU TAKE HER!”

Oh and there’s this inconsistent writing here where Alexia’s mother is passive aggressively racist toward werewolves and Scots. Yet at the same time there are lines about how pleased Alexia’s mother is that she married a Scottish werewolf.  There’s the direct line, “It was a constant source of amazement to Alexia that the only thing she had ever done in her entire life that pleased her mama was marry a werewolf.”  I think what the author is trying to say is that Alexia’s mom was happy that Alexia married a rich and powerful man, and LOOKS PAST the fact that he’s a werewolf but still kinda hates werewolves.  However they don’t bring up that her mom is impressed with all her money and power. They just keep saying WEREWOLF THIS and WEREWOLF THAT!  They made it unnecessarily muddled here and it’s confusing, annoying, and could have been easily fixed.

In Alexia mother’s defense the only thing I’ve seen Alexia do that’s pleased me, is hit that douche werewolf over the head a bunch.

So of course, Alexia’s mother won’t take no for an answer when it comes to her sister. Therefore Alexia is saddled with generic shallow, petty, bitch blonde sister #2.  Felicity, the blonde in question, agreed to this, despite hating her sister cause she knew her sister would be surrounded by hunky werewolves.  SHE GOTTA GET A HUSBAND NOW TOO! IT’S ALL US LADY FOLKS CARE ABOUT!  Due to English custom you can’t just leave your sister in your castle to have wild gangbangs with werewolves all day and night. But I mean, considering the amount of misogyny the 3rd in command is packing? Not leaving her alone there is probably a good idea. (Also I will puke blood if Felicity and Channing become an item.)

Ivy shows up at this time as well cause I mean…Ivy has always been sexually drawn to inconvenient timing.  Don’t kink-shame her!  When Ivy hears that Tunstell will be going on the Dirigible, she pouts until Alexia just let’s her go along too, cause HAHA WHY NOT AT THIS POINT!?

(A gif of Hillary Clinton laughing and throwing her hands up.)

So she’s taking Angelique (to dress her), Felicity (to be obnoxious in the bitchy way), Ivy (to be obnoxious in the ditsy way), and Tunstell (cause this 90lb actor will protect them all.)

OH BOY WE GOT A SMORGSEBORG OF IMPENDING WACKINESS TO CONTEND WITH!  IS THAT EXCITEMENT I HEAR OR THE CRACKING OF MY OWN GRINDING TEETH!?

Say something nice Faps:

Dang I’m having a hard time saying nice things here that aren’t simply just, “Well at least X didn’t happen!”

She uhhh tried to steampunk?

I get a masochistic tickle when Alexia’s family is around.  I dislike Alexia so I like seeing her insulted, but the cartoonish villainy of her family is hilarious to me.  It’s just so spot-on, the archetypal “BASIC SHALLOW BLONDE BITCH-SLUT TO MAKE PROTAG LOOK BETTER THAN ALL OTHER GIRLS!”  However I have yet to see an author fail so spectacularly at differentiating the evil girls from the protag. “I can’t believe all my family cares about is how they look, their social standing, and men!” Huffs Alexia, as she ponders her own romantic dalliances to the king of the Universe, in her new blue carriage dress, which has SHOOK the London fashion world to its VERY CORE!

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Hey I saw you support trans keith! Right on you, mate! Got any headcanons for us?

bOY DO I HAVE HEADCANONS (though disclaimer: I myself am cis, so if anything I say is wrong please tell me; I really don’t want to offend anyone so don’t be afraid to speak out if I say something wrong okay? okay now let’s go)(also I apologize in advance this is way longer than I thought it would be)

•When Keith was at the Garrison and then living alone in the desert, he would act as masculine as possible because when he was in foster care his families always insisted on him taking part in more “feminine” activities, so you can bet Keith did stuff like work on his bike and get all grimy and let it stain his clothes and later buy ten different colognes and wear all of them at once. Why do you think he loves swords and sword fighting so much? It makes him feel masculine!! Honestly any stereotypical ‘manly’ activities make him feel so much better, he just enjoys them so much

•People ask him sometimes why the long hair but guess what!! He doesn’t need to have short hair to be a man, he’s already a man and he likes his greasy mullet so stay in your own lane dude he’s happy with his long hair and having it doesn’t make him any less manly

•When he started hormones, every day he would practice talking as deeply as he could. Once he found a lizard sitting on a rock and recited the entire Bee Movie script to it in his deepest voice possible

•For most of the time during his time at the Garrison he’d just wear two sports bras instead of a binder because he didn’t really know how to get one and was too scared to ask. Plus he had like four dollars at most on a good day so how could he possibly buy a binder? He started resorting to ace bandages which oh no Keithy boy that’s not how you bind you’re gonna mess up your ribcage sTOP

• But don’t worry, Shiro the Hero™️ is here to help. Back at the Garrison, Shiro was the only person besides the teachers who knew Keith was a trans boy. And lemme just say Shiro is the most supportive human, he did as much research as he could and always stood by Keith whenever people were being jerks (and beat them up when he had to because Keith gets into enough fights as it is, he’s already gotten too many strikes so he’s not allowed to get into more fights or else risk getting expelled and it kills him when he can’t punch someone out for bullying him but guess what Shiro has no problem with that he’s the teacher’s pet anyway he’s not worried about getting in trouble) So when he found out Keith was binding with ace bandages he was like “okay first of all no, I don’t know much but I know for a fact that’s gonna destroy your ribs come on man I’ll go with you we need to buy you some binders”

• When Keith first got to space, one of the things he worried about the most was the fact that he only had the binder he was wearing and that was all, and he was terrified because what if something happened to it and he couldn’t find anything else to bind with oh no

•But never fear, Coran is here!! He asked Coran about it one night because he trusts him and turns out that plenty of Alteans are trans too!! However, they didn’t exactly use binders because they could simply shapeshift to fit their ideal body expectations, but Coran is amazing so he used Keith’s binder as a reference and made a ton of new binders out of this great alien material that stretches in a way that makes them safe to fight in too!! So hooray for Keith not having to worry about breaking a rib during a fight anymore

•And the hormone situation turned out to be easily remedied as well. When Keith realized he couldn’t go much longer without his hormone treatments he worked up the courage to ask Pidge for help, who managed to come up with an alien substitute that worked about the same as his regular hormones from earth so yay!! Now he can get his hormones without any trouble!!

•And at this point Shiro, Coran, and Pidge all know, so Keith figures that he might as well come out to the rest of the team since half of them know already and he may as well get it over with now, since telling them is easier than them all finding out through some accident. And it goes roughly the same way it had when Pidge revealed she was a girl.

•Keith walks into the dining hall one day where everyone is eating breakfast and he kind of just announces “hey by the way I’m trans, guys” and plops down to eat his food goo. (Shiro doesn’t even look up from his book and says “hi Trans, I’m Shiro”) and Hunk is like “oh rad, dude. I mean I kind of suspected but I wasn’t sure and didn’t know how to ask but this is awesome! So what pronouns are you okay with then?” “He/him, thanks” “Okay, cool cool cool” *goes back to eating* And after they explain what the term “transgender” means, Allura says “Oh, we have that on Altea too. For a moment there I thought trans was another alien species and you were admitting you were more than just galra but this is much better” “Thanks..? I guess?”

•And then you have Lance. It takes him a little longer to catch up to speed, but once it sinks in he’s like “but wait what about that time I called you Dolly Parton because of your mullet and when you said y’all oH MY GOD I MISGENDERED YOU IM SO SORRY” “seriously dude it’s fine, chill” “AHHH BUT WHAT IF ITS NOT” It takes him a long time to stop walking on eggshells, and pretty soon Keith being trans is just another fact of life, same as Pidge being a girl and Keith being galra and Shiro being a closeted Taylor Swift fan

•Keith: “I’m trans” Lotor: “I thought you were galra”

•When Keith starts growing facial hair oh my gosh he gets so excited. He starts strutting around so proudly, showing off the hair on his chin and when he walks into a room Hunk is like “heyyy nice beard dude, super manly” *thumbs up* Though the first time Keith tried to shave he cut himself like five times because he did it with his BOM knife, so that didn’t work out too well. Luckily, Lance decided to take pity on him and educate this poor boy on face management and helped him shave properly to avoid future fiascos

•Shiro: “Keith you can’t bind while you’re training, stop ignoring me you’re gonna kill yourself” Keith, firing up his bayard and already turning on the training bot: “What was that I can’t hear you” Shiro: *disapproving Dad Glare™️*

•Keith is an irresponsible boy so he leaves his binder on for like ten hours at a time (which!! please don’t ever do!! this will kill your ribcage please bind safely don’t be like keith!!) After so long of this routine of reminding Keith over and over again to take a break with his binder off and him blatantly ignoring it, Pidge modified the training deck so whenever Keith is in there training for hours at a time he will get alerts to take his binder off which thank god for that because he always either forgets or doesn’t care enough to

•Because he’s not fully transitioned, Keith still gets periods which really sucks. That’s usually when the dysphoria is at its worst so not only does he have to deal with stupid cramps but now he also has dang dysphoria to make him feel even crappier. When that happens, everyone on the ship makes an effort to take every opportunity to use masculine pronouns when talking to him and comfort him when he’s feeling Bad. (It’s a good thing Keith has his awesome boyfriend Lance who is so sweet and always supportive and will cuddle on the couch with him for hours as they eat snacks and watch earth movies for hours on end)

•Once he breaks three ribs during a fight and Allura tells him that he can’t wear his binder for a while otherwise it’ll just make the injury worse but like. Keith is so scared to go around without binding, he doesn’t want anyone to see him so he stays in his room for most of the time but on the occasions in which he does leave his room, he gets so worked up because “shit shit sHIT they’re gonna see me without my binder oh no I can’t do this” but. Nobody really notices? At all? It’s like there’s nothing different. He meets up with everyone for dinner and he’s sweating bullets he’s so nervous but it’s like no one even sees he’s not wearing a binder. So that was quite the experience, and after that Keith gets more comfortable with wearing his binder less often because the reason he always wore it too long was because he didn’t want anyone to see and judge him, but turns out it doesn’t matter in the least to them whether he’s binding or not, so he’s more confident being around them without a binder on days when he’s feeling comfortable enough to go without it.

•Keith has definitely taken an Axe Body Spray shower before this isn’t even a debate

•Shiro takes every opportunity to call Keith his brother not only because wow gotta love that wonderful honorary siblings broganes bond, but also hell yeah calling Keith masculine names.

•Shiro, introducing the paladins: “—and this guy over here is my brother Keith” Keith: *beams*

•Keith: “Zarkon is transphobic” Lance: “why” Keith: “Because I’m trans and he annoys me”

[e350tb]

Steven Universe: Marooned Together - Chapter Thirteen

(with thanks to @real-fakedoors for proofreading!)

Lapis had been worryingly quiet for most of the voyage. She didn't want to talk about whatever was upsetting her, and Stevonnie understood that she needed her space, but the uncomfortable, awkward looks exchanged between the blue gem and Peridot as they stood on the bridge gave them some idea.

Amethyst sat on the captain’s chair, hands tucked behind her head. She resembled a bored teenager more than a feared pirate.

“They're on comm, Captain,” Zircon announced.

“Put me through.”

The screen in front of them - they were screens, Stevonnie now decided - shifted. A green-tinted face now gazed at them. It was a Peridot, her expression subtly different from the one standing with them. She seemed to have a slight oversight, and her visor was more round at the bottom. They couldn't see their gem.

“Yo, Lenny,” said Amethyst, “We’re coming in! Give us a dock.”

“The c-correct terminology is ‘re-requesting docking clearance,’” ‘Lenny’ replied softly, “A-a-and the Harbour Master wants me t-to tell you that you f-forgot to… you forgot to call ahead again.”

“Yeah, tell him I'm a pirate and I don't do rules,” said Amethyst, “Come on, you got a berth or what?”

“...d-docking bay three is o-open, ma'am.”

“Lenny, call me Amethyst, not ma'am.”

“Yes, ma'am.”

Amethyst snorted as the screen changed back to a view of space.

“Lenny?” quizzed Lapis, crossing her arms.

“Well, she needed a name, ‘cause we already got a Peridot,” shrugged Lapis, “And she was 5LY, so… Lenny!”

“Wouldn’t Lily have made more sense?” asked Stevonnie, “Y’know, because she’s green?”

Amethyst blinked.

“Okay, I’ll be honest with you,” she said, “She hangs around with this one Jasper a lot, and I thought it would be funny to name them… uh…”

She scratched the back of her head.

“…Lenny and Carl.”

“I still don’t get the joke,” interjected Zircon.

“That makes two of us,” said Peridot flatly.

“We’re coming out of the Oort Cloud now,” declared Zircon, “You should be able to see the haven just about… now.”

The kaleidoscope of clouds vanished, and they found themselves staring at what looked like a floating collection of rickety shacks in the void of space. It was garish in colour - blue and green and yellow and brown, and built from all manner of alien materials. Stevonnie could just about make out a ramshackle grid of streets, neon signs, dozens of docked ships of all shapes and sizes - Hand Ships, Roaming Eyes, vessels that looked like Aquamarine’s and others they could not recognise. If they squinted, they could just about see figures bustling to and fro on the strange, almost wooden-textured roads.

“Stevonnie, Lapis,” declared Amethyst, “Welcome to New Earth.”

She smirked.

“We were gonna call it World’s End, but apparently that was a bit ‘on-the-nose.’”

It took about twenty minutes for them to dock, but finally Stevonnie found themself stepping onto a new world (if this ramshackle space station could be called a world.) A deep metallic smell immediately filled their nostrils as they wandered down the ramp onto what looked almost like an ordinary pier - except piers generally weren’t lime green in colour. At the end of the dock, they could see an avenue, shadowed by precarious buildings with rickety, uneven walls. At the end of the avenue, they could see two large, vaguely cubical buildings with big neons signs - to the left was the ‘Diamonds’ Lament,’ to the right the ‘Museum of Earth.’

“There’s a whole society here,” they breathed.

“So you’re a mayor, too?” asked Lapis, crossing her arms.

“Nah, mayoring’s not for me,” shrugged Amethyst, “I’m just a pirate, dude. Now come on, let's get out of here before he shows up and…”

She was interrupted by the loud sound of somebody clearing their throat.

“…dang it.”

They turned around. Behind them was a tall man - a human, Stevonnie realised with shock. He was tall and muscular, his forehead heavily scarred. A single strand of blonde hair, almost like a mohawk, ran down the back of his head, and he had a thick beard that seemed to split into strands. He wore a white singlet, heavy, khaki pants and a pair of dirty and worn boots. His face, though - Stevonnie couldn’t help but feel a deep sense of deja vu…

Wait.

“P… Peedee?” they exclaimed, “Y-you’re alive?!”

Peedee looked towards them, dark, rimmed eyes widening.

“Steven? Connie?”

“It’s Stevonnie now,” replied Stevonnie, “I… I can’t believe you’re alive!”

They leapt forward, pulling their old friend into a hug. Slowly, as if in a dream, Peedee returned the gesture.

“Yeah, I probably should’ve mentioned that earlier,” shrugged Amethyst, “We found him on our way off Blue Diamond’s ship. Couple of other people too. I think she was taking ‘em to the Zoo.”

“Yeah,” grunted Lapis, “You probably should have.”

Peridot shot her a dirty look as Peedee and Stevonnie broke their embrace.

“Okay, that’s… that’s… wow,” said Peedee, “Uh, um… anyway, Amethyst, you didn’t fill out your docking paperwork. Again.”

“I’m a pirate, Peedee,” snapped Amethyst, “I’ve got cred to live up to. Now, you gonna make a fuss about this? I gotta show ‘Vonnie and Water Emo around the place.”

“Hey!” barked Lapis.

“Ugh!” Peedee shook his head. “Just remember to do it properly next time, alright?”

“You know I won’t!” said Amethyst, grabbing Stevonnie by the hand and running off, “Bye!”

They raced down the dock and out onto the street, ducking past a pair of Amethysts and a human Stevonnie didn't recognise. Come to think of it, there were quite a few wandering up and down the narrow street; adults and children of all shapes and sizes, perhaps a little dirty and worn, but alive nonetheless.

“Did all these people come from the Zoo?” they asked.

“Nope,” replied Amethyst, “Big Blue moved it - we haven't found it yet. But the Diamonds had been grabbing people off Earth for weeks before they destroyed it - we found bunches of ‘em in transports we raided early on. Reckon we've got about a hundred here, give or take?”

Stevonnie shook their head, a giddy smile crossing their face.

“So we made it,” they said softly, “Even when they destroyed Earth, humans survived…”

“Yeah, mostly thanks to us,” shrugged Amethyst, nodding to herself and Peridot, “So yeah, you're welcome.”

They approached the building labelled ‘Museum of Earth.’ It didn't look much like a museum; it was built from the same strange mismatch of materials as the rest of New Earth. Four dusty mannequins, their glossy paint peeling, were displayed outside - one displayed a set of samurai armour, one an ornate Georgian dress, one a normal-looking business suit, and one a red-and-white soldier’s uniform.

“Where'd you get those?” asked Lapis.

“Long story,” replied Amethyst, walking over to the door, “Taken from Blue Diamond’s ships. Don't ask the Curator about it or you'll be here forever.”

She opened the door.

They entered a small, dusty room. A makeshift desk of planks sat opposite them - a bespectacled, somewhat disheveled man in a ragged white shirt and red tie, covered by a stained waistcoat, was climbing enthusiastically to his feet.

“Welcome to the Museum of Earth!” he exclaimed, “I'm the Curator and…”

“Yeah, hey man,” said Amethyst flatly, “Where’s Vi? I need to pick up… the thing.”

“What thing?”

Amethyst rolled her eyes, pointing to Stevonnie’s gem.

“Uh… it's… it's a lovely gem, nice shade of pink…”

“Yeah, it's a Rose Quartz,” said Amethyst bluntly.

The Curator blinked.

“Oh, right,” he said, “Vidalia! Captain Amethyst’s here!”

The door behind him opened. The woman that emerged looked old, her eyes sunken and dull, her skin pale, her clothes ragged and covered in patches. She wore a navy jumpsuit that was covered in dark stains, and her left arm was tucked behind her back. Her eyes widened as she saw Stevonnie.

“S… Steven?” she gasped, her voice almost rasping.

“Vidalia?” replied Stevonnie, “You… you're okay!”

“Well, what's left of me is.”

She revealed her left arm. The sleeve was rolled up, revealing what looked like a Peridot’s limb enhancer grafted to the visible stump just below her elbow. She waggled her strange, detached fingers as if to prove that they were hers.

“Is… are Sour Cream and Onion okay?” asked Stevonnie, “Or Yellowtail? I…”

Vidalia sighed.

“I don’t know where Yellowtail and Sour Cream are,” she admitted, “But I’ve still got Onion, so… sometime you just have to focus on what you still have.”

Stevonnie nodded. It was a sentiment they knew all too well.

“So, Vi, you still got it?” asked Amethyst.

Vidalia nodded.

“Back drawer, same as always,” she replied, “I didn’t lock the back door behind me so you should just be able to walk right in.”

“Great!” nodded Amethyst, “Give Lapis the tour while we’re gone. Peri, hang with them.”

“Wait, what?”

Amethyst grabbed Stevonnie by the arm and dragged them through the door, leaving the two former barnmates alone. There was a long silence.

“...so,” said the Curator at last, “Shall we get started on the tour? I…”

“I’ll take this one,” said Vidalia.

“Okay,” said the Curator glumly, sitting back down.

The tour wasn’t long; there were only two rooms. From what Vidalia had told Lapis, the ship from which they’d taken the artifacts wasn’t particularly large, and judging by the collection aboard, had only contained objects from a couple of a museums in Britain and France. She’d apologised for the ‘Eurocentric’ nature of the museum, which Lapis didn’t quite understand - she only vaguely understood what a ‘Europe’ was, anyway.

Throughout the tour, Peridot had been quiet, only occasionally shooting Lapis a glance that seemed cold - but not as cold as she had been the previous night. Part of Lapis wished it was - it was so hard to decipher what she was thinking.

They were back outside now. Lapis sat on the curb (it seemed to be wooden - maybe they’d found trees on another planet) and looked up at the sky. There was no star, at least not one that was particularly close, and yet the haven was lit by the colourful Oort Cloud that encircled it on all sides. It shifted colour from moment to moment - red, green, yellow, blue - and under each light the environment seemed to change subtly, so that nothing really looked the same from moment to moment. One second it was dark, then it was lights. Shadows danced as they shifted in length and darkness, almost like an elaborate, surrealist shadow puppet show. It was beautiful but chaotic, and it made her head spin. She definitely wouldn’t consider leaving their island for this.

“So, Lazuli.”

Lapis jumped as Peridot stood up.

“I… I talked to Amethyst last night,” Peridot continued, “And I… I want to apologise.”

Lapis said nothing, so she continued.

“I was angry,” she explained, “And I still am. And if I’m completely honest, I don’t know how I feel about you anymore. That said, you didn’t destroy the Earth. You didn’t send the Diamonds. It… it wasn’t your fault.”

She sighed, sitting down on the curb next to Lapis.

“I still left,” reminded Lapis.

“Yes,” nodded Peridot, “I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to forgive you for that or not. But I’m… Grr! Why is this so hard?!”

She shook her head furiously and clutched her hair.

“What I’m trying to say is,” she finally said in a irritated tone, “I… I’m willing to try and be friends again.”

She looked at her feet.

“But that’s it,” she said, “Just friends. No more.”

Lapis breathed in and nodded.

“That’s all I want,” she replied, “Honestly, I just… don’t feel that way anymore? Is… is that a bad thing?”

“It probably makes this a lot less complicated,” shrugged Peridot.

She scratched her chin.

“Although Amethyst did say she’d be ‘down for a threeway…’”

“A what?” asked Lapis, “Isn’t that a kind of road?”

Peridot blinked.

“No,” she said, “It’s… it’s a human ritual in which they… uh… um… well, basically, it’s an extension of…”

She pursed her lips and ran a hand through her hair.

“Look, you know what humans do instead of having kindergartens, right?”

“I think so, yeah,” nodded Lapis, “They talked about it in a ‘novel’ I found at the barn.”

“Yeah, well, it’s like that, but for fun,” said Peridot, “And with an extra person.”

Lapis pursed her lips.

“Didn’t seem fun to me,” she shrugged, “Just sorta weird. I kinda skipped past it. I mean, I get love, but… I don’t get why you need to do that.”

“I mean, it’s fun when you try… I mean… if you wanted to…”

Peridot shook her head.

“I don’t wanna have this conversation,” she said.

Lapis nodded.

“So… where does this leave us?” she asked, “Just… awkward, for now?”

“I believe so,” said Peridot.

Lapis leaned back, looking up at the sky.

“Well, I’ll take that over not talking at all,” she said.

The door opened. Lapis climbed to her feet as Amethyst and Stevonnie emerged, the latter holding something behind their back. They grinned.

“Hey, Lapis,” they said, “Look what Amethyst grabbed when she escaped Blue Diamond’s ship.”

They produced the object - large, ornate and pink. They grinned as they looked down at the enormous pink sword; a little dusty, but intact just the same.

For the briefest moment, Lapis saw not Stevonnie, but an echo of Rose Quartz, back from the dead to lead her army to freedom against the Diamonds. She felt a shiver down her spine; but whether it was awe or a deep, dark fear of what might come next, she could not tell.

[another-jjba-headcannon-blog]

Some hcs for Risotto/Prosciutto, please?? (of course if it okay for you с:)

ngl i didn’t know this ship existed and after reading some fanfiction I gotta say it’s actually pretty dang cute :0 //as a bonus i included some other la squadra shenanigans

- Serious as hell. They don’t even seem like an actual couple to most because of how much they just act like actual comrades. Everyone in La Squadra di Esecuzione is confused as to whether or not the two are actually dating. They’re all to scared to ask in fear of angering Risotto, and knowing Prosciutto he’d just dodge the question. One day Pesci works up the courage and asks his brother if the two are a couple. Prosciutto just replies with a simple “Yes.” “Oh I knew the rumors couldn’t- wait wHAT-”

- Whenever anyone tries giving them a hard time about being a couple they give little to no reaction. Risotto is prone to shooting the occasional death glare at Formaggio for joking about it a little too casually.  Prosciutto is more lax about the squadra bringing up their relationship, he doesn’t mind chatting about their dates or what they did last weekend. He’ll occasionally ask how to become a better partner for Risotto, since he legitimately cares bout this man. How can one expect to be a good romantic partner if they’re not always looking to improve their relationship? However, he’s completely given up on asking Melone on how to be a better boyfriend. There is no help for him here.

- Risotto actually took awhile to realize he had actual feelings for Prosciutto that weren’t ones of “I’m gonna stab this man in the throat.” He kept quiet about it for quite some time, and nobody, not even Risotto himself caught onto the fact that he had begun developing a giant crush on him. Prosciutto was quick to realize this, but said nothing out of fear of A.) their cruel inevitable deaths in the mafia and B.) their cruel and inevitable rejection. Prosciutto was the one to actually confront Risotto about his feelings, telling him he felt strange whenever the two were close. Prosciutto confessed his feelings shortly after nd asked him if he wanted to try a date to a local cafe, Risotto’s response being “Oh thank God, I thought I was just crazy.”

- Risotto and Prosciutto aren’t the type for overly flashy outings. Risotto likes to take walks at night and go stargazing and Prosciutto prefers lunch dates. Though neither are too keen on staying out in public too long, lest someone from an opposing gang recognizes them and wants to pick a fight. So, they won’t stay out for too long. Prosciutto is a little more confident in staying out, since their stand abilities could easily neutralize a non-stand user. Not to mention, the two are an amazing fighting team. They fight well together, even if their stands arent 100% compatible.

- Prosciutto is always giving Risotto little encouraging words throughout the day. “Couldn’t figure it out? Damn. Well, I’m sure you’ll get it sometime soon. No, I’m positive you will.” Risotto is confused as to why he keeps telling him these “inspiring words” and Prosciutto always replies it’s because he loves him. He wouldn’t mindlessly compliment just anyone, he has total faith in him. After all, it was his determination that got him to fall in love in the first place.

-Risotto is dying™ please save him he want to know what he did to deserve this boy. They’re the awkward boob window bros™ and they love each other very much.(seriously the 80′s called they want their goofy funk dancers clothes back)

- They will not hesitate to kill if one of them is injured by another person. Prosciutto comes home banged up badly by another gang? Say no more the next day the group is found sliced up and surrounded by razors. Risotto got hurt and can barely walk? The rival gang member who did that is suddenly never heard from again, the only thing left is a pile of dust. They weren’t on the hitman branch of passione for nothing, you know.

- In an au where they don’t die, they would end up living together and get some pets. Likely a couple canaries named Giallo and Sole. Risottos not very good at coming up with names but Prosciutto lets it slide as long as he can keep his cat Gnocchi, who to Prosciutto resembles a little dough-ball, hence the name. Risotto asks why he named his cat after bread, and that he had no room to call him out on his bird names.

- Couple spats are obviously a thing with these two. They may get along well due to their similar nature and tactics, but occasionally the other says one little thing that may set the other off. These don’t last long though, as the other would consider what they said for tactical purposes and asses the situation. Typically its for purposes of their gang, but they would fight over dumb stuff. Like whether or not Risotto did the dishes to Prosciutto’s insane standards, or who’s turn it is to vacuum. Stupid little spats that last no more than 5 minutes. However neither can get upset at each other for being reckless. Even though they’re a couple, it’s mission first and foremost. The boss is more important than their own lives and their relationship, no matter how much they may care about each other.

- AFTER MISSION REUNION CUDDLES THAT IS ALL GOODNIGHT

-Mod Fish