#dean/cas + the dungeon

[shallowseeker]

I think this moment in 15x15 is doing something bad to Dean's psyche. It was just... such an (underappreciated?) psychological blow.

First, Dean was obviously waiting up for Cas and Jack. It's adorable.

But notice: Cas was leaving without saying goodbye again. Here, Cas's panicking, his keys already in hand as he rushes out to find a (heroic) solution.

///

Hearthbreakingly, Dean actually asks where Cas is going twice in this scene. He can't hide the anxiety creeping onto his face when he asks.

///

They make small talk about their daily works. Cas twirls and pockets his keys, but there's a blink-and-you'll-miss-it moment where Dean tracks the movement of the keys with nervousness:

///

Dean forgets himself in the small talk, still laboring under the false promise, that the unethical plan will get his freedom (and everyone else's). There's a millisecond of happiness.

THEN.

There's a big HUH??? He does the little head turn, the same one he will do in 15x18

//

Dean's anger rises, just a bit, alongside the panic.

The music swells and Dean, always clued in to when something is wrong, begins to get scared because Cas is scared. He flicks his eyes down to Cas in a panic, trying to understand what's happening, to him, to them.

//

There's a familiar sense of confusion and disbelief here, not wanting to believe the bad news Cas is delivering about leaving, about Jack, and visually and beats-wise, it's so soooo similar to how 15x18 goes down when Cas tells him the bad news about the deal and the goodbye.

I actually think this is the moment Dean's mental health sails right off a cliff. Of course it's going wrong. Of course good things don't happen to them. Of course.

[91whiskey]

i have said this a thousand times but will say it a thousand more. my favorite cas-gets-rescued-from-the-empty scenario is how he comes back, and it fixes nothing. both dean and cas are extremely bitter and angry at each other. dean, of course, because how cas literally dumped all that on him and just died. and cas - king of running away from the consequences of his own actions - because he was supposed to stay dead!!!! he did NOT want to face dean after saying all that. and sam caught in the middle of all that, like guys, what is even going on why are you not happy

[mattzerella-sticks]

The next YouTube video on the Supernatural channel:

"Ultimate DomTop!Cas/SubBottom!Dean Moments"

[alfalfapie]

alright I need my dnd/spn babes to come help me out because I have an idea for a character (not for a specific campaign, more just general interest). should there happen to be a Dean/Cas child in a campaign, they would most likely be an aasimar, probably either protector or scourge (depending on which parent they take after and at what point in the series they are born tbh). but I think the more interesting idea is

I'm relatively new to dnd so there may be a better choice for them, idk, but I'm just curious about y'all's thoughts on this.

[zationao3]

You're my home, ch 7

The one where young Dean Winchester is hellbent on shaping his own damn fate.

Chapter 7: Reunions and romantics

In which Castiel comes back to The Roadhouse but later gets into new trouble because adventurers be stupid like that.

[youchangedmedestiel]

Today is a day when I feel like crying about those two idiots in love.

Today is also a day when I have my period.

(Jensen saying Dean's biggest regret is that he couldn't save Cas doesn't help AT ALL)

[shallowseeker]

On the whole, as a character, Dean has great gut instincts.

He's stellar at remembering a person's MO/objective, and his hackles raise when things don't add up.

(ex: with Metatron; he didn't trust Naomi for shits and giggles; he "trusted" her because Metatron's actions didn't make sense)

But the point of his character is that he's human. Even though Dean gets it right a lot of the time, he's not a perfect seer. He's gonna be wrong sometimes, especially when he's been pushed to duress.

(ex. Dean trusted Gadreel "Ezekiel", and the he got used as a pawn in Crowley's war to takeHell from Abaddon etc etc.)

And because his instinct are usually so good, getting it "wrong" is is so, so painful for Dean.

////

On this note...

We got God himself tellin' us...

Like, do you ever just sit back and think about how Dean went wholesale into Chuck's bucket of shit there at the end?

And what that probably did to Dean's psyche?

Like, I mean: owch. It's like an infected splinter he can't pull out.

This was a moment there in 14x20 that Dean turned his back on everything he stood for. Dean is usually the one telling us that destiny and authority figures are bullshit.

And yet, you get this line of Dean's, falling in line:

"We got God himself telling us..."

14x20

///

Aside// I feel like... it just took so much for Chuck to get Dean here, you know? This is what leads to Dean's full-blown existential crisis.

"I used to think what we did mattered." etc etc:

14x20

///

Pick up the gun, Dean...

And then when Dean can't pull the damn trigger, we get Chuck showing his true colors.

Dean is faced with an intense sense of betrayal AND an unspeakable sense of failure.

14x20

///

At first, Dean's not totally paralyzed with his anger and grief, right? At first, Dean goes on the attack against Chuck:

14x20

//

14x20

//

BUT THEN. Oh, THEN.

"Stop— STOP!"

14x20

///

Jack dies.

And even in that moments after Jack's death, Dean's not dealing with it.

He doesn't quite believe his eyes.

Jack's dead in front of him, and something in Dean is clinging to: "Maybe it's NOT true, because Chuck said the gun was the ONLY way."

Dean's clinging to this as a grief-delaying tactic.

14x20

Dean's brain: Maybe Jack's not actually dead...

//////

I was wrong. And it hurts.

It's a multi-whammy, too. Dean is faced with many uncomfortable truths that are too painful to directly look at:

(a) Even with all that happened (Mary, innocent civilians getting killed by Jack's team-up with Heaven), Dean didn't want Jack dead. For a moment, he thought he did. He thought he wanted this "shell" of Jack neutralized. But now that he's faced with it, it couldn't be clearer to him just how much he didn't want that. (b) Dean is also faced with the fact that Cas was right not to fall in line with Chuck's plan. Chuck was a snake in the grass. Despite Dean telling Cas to get on board, Cas didn't. Now, Dean feels guilty and maybe even foolish for swallowing Chuck's lie. He even verbally announced that it was "the only way." Here's what Dean said earlier in the episode:

Dean facing that? That hurts!

It speaks to how low Dean's mental health and resilience was that he even got on board with a destiny-oriented plan in the first place.

///

Protective mechanisms

So... Dean puts protective mechanisms in place. Otherwise, he'd fall apart. (Will eventually fall apart, actually. In just a few eps’ time.)

And despite everything, Dean's looking to Cas for spouse-coded support in this grief:

Reeling, Dean tries to keep his eyes on Cas and Jack.

////

Yet!

It's too painful to admit that he was wrong about Chuck. I think this is what Dean means when he later says he "couldn't admit he was wrong."

14x20

Here in 14x20, Dean starts having diarrhea of the mouth, babbling about how he always knew Chuck was a danger.

We see that in addition to being devastated by his losses... he feels like a fool.

It's not his fault Chuck betrayed him. Or that Chuck backed him into a murder-suicide sacrificial corner re: The Equalizer.

But Dean feels like he got duped. (Cas got duped, too, calling his father in the first place. Dean will eventually be sympathetic to that deep down, I think, taking that context into account. Cas didn't exactly lone wolf this time. Cas went to his own father, and that father betrayed all of them.)

Dean is usually THE GUY to see through destiny-style bullshit.

And here, he didn't. It hurts!

//

And... Losing Jack like that. It's just so horrible. Dean doesn't know what to say. So, he rambles.

It's painful to watch him try to cover, but it's also interesting to me that, at least until Belphagor arrives, Dean and Cas ARE talking to one another.

They're instinctually looking to one another for (grudging) support.

14x20

///

14x20

Like how Dean was in denial over Jack being dead ("I thought only the gun could..."), in our 15x01 script, we see more evidence of this sense of delayed grief: "maybe we get him back."

///

What does it take to get Dean hooked on revenge?

I guess my point with this post is about the wound of Chuck's betrayal. This was a huge blind spot for Dean, It was an uncharacteristic, grief-induced bowing to authority...

It did something remarkable to him. In a bad way.

It got Dean hooked on the thought of revenge.

I think it's this sense of overwhelming failure re: Chuck and of feeling like a fool that pushes him into it. Dean has usually been the one telling the audience that revenge is bullshit.

(Whether that's John's revenge, or Sam's revenge, or even Gabe's revenge in Unfinished Business):

13x20

///

And like, that's something, isn't it? For Dean to take up revenge, something had to go bad wrong.

Later in season 15, Dean accepts soulless Jack back into the house without a thought. Then, he expresses some wariness about the heart-eating and Bilie's plan:

SAM: Jack, you… you ate their hearts? JACK: I… I had to. DEAN: And you let him? [CAS nods.] DEAN: Hmm. 15x11

...

CAS: Billie kept him hidden in the Empty until Chuck went off world. JACK: She let me out when it was safe. DEAN: Safe to what? Eat a bunch of angel hearts? JACK: Safe to do what I have to. The hearts, they were just the beginning. They made me strong, but I-I’m not strong enough. I… If I do exactly what she says, if I follow her plan, then I’ll get stronger and… I’ll be able to kill God. 15x11

But ultimately? Dean goes along with it. :( Dean, Cas, and Jack all do. They're been beaten down in ways we've rarely seen on the show. (It's usually not all of them at once!)

///

Dean & Cas backslide, turning their backs on the very things they have stood for:

Dean and Cas are both backsliding after Jack returns, and that is so... interesting to me. Because why?

The STRESS of Jack's death and his re-emergence have them focusing on things that go against their idealized value systems.

They get hyperfocused on revenge and destiny:

//

It's like the grief has got them both so turned around that they can't see straight!

//

15x12

//

Anyway, Jack's death was a deep wound...

They want Jack back; they want the threat of Jack's murderer neutralized.

And like Revenge!John, like DemonBlood!Sam, like Godstiel, like MOC!Dean, like NaturalBornKiller!Mary...

Dean loses sight of the things he'd been trying to protect in the first place.

In his own words:

Sam gives him grace. After all, Sam's been there.

Sam not only pulled a gun on Dean but even accidentally ax-murdered him in a fit of Taurus-temper during one of Gabe's endless Tuesdays in Mystery Spot.

///

So... What does it take to truly "ruin" Dean?

We think about all that Dean's been through and how rarely he gets in line for revenge.

It makes this particular pain very special.

So, what does it take to get Dean on a revenge kick?

Well.

Jack Kline, for starters.........

Everything related to Jack. Jack taking on "Dean's" Michael-burden in Ouroboros, Jack killing Mary, and the murder OF Jack.

Jack is the difference-maker when it comes to "ruining" Dean.

Jack is the trump card.

The Equalizer intended to make Jack's death "the thing Dean wouldn't survive."

//

And see, like.

Chuck wants Dean to lose it:

He WANTED Dean's life to fall apart.

You remember Dean sassily saying, "Guess your life isn't so perfect, after all, Eight-Pack Mommy"????

That's Chuck.

Chuck looks at Dean's life, his happiness, his loved ones... and although he greedily scrolls through Dean's life, even living vicariously through it at times, there's something dangerously bitter hidden underneath that interest:

SAM: Wait, wait... Dean... Dean, no. Listen! [Back in the room where Chuck and Amara are] CHUCK: You hear that? AMARA: What? CHUCK: Dean. Brought to the edge of doubt. His sense of duty, his rage winning out in the end.

Chuck wants to crack him, to break him.

///

DEAN: I don't want to do this, but this is everything! SAM: No, it's not!

Dean doesn't want this. He doesn't!

////

Acting on our free will is a group effort

...and here, we see that in full view.

Rarely is Sam the one lending this kind of support. But it's because of the support Sam's been given in the past that he's in a position to support in return.

And Chuck is pissed. He doesn't get it. He doesn't get how them banding together to support each other during their worst moments is what makes them able to escape his clutches.

[Dean uncocks the gun and puts it away. Meanwhile, the door to the storeroom explodes and Chuck/Amara comes storming out] CHUCK: Are you kidding me?! After everything, all that, you... you did it again! 15x17

When Dean can't resist giving into despair, his family picks up the slack.

DEAN: [Fuck] you, Chuck. CHUCK: No, [fuck] you. You know what you do with broken toys? You throw them out. ... CHUCK: I mean... have fun watching him die. [Chuck points at Jack, who doubles over in pain] CAS: Jack. JACK: Help me! DEAN AND SAM: Jack, Jack, Jack. DEAN: Hey. [Jack's eyes glow gold, and golden light breaks through cracks in his skin] DEAN: Jack!

15x17

///

Cas supports Sam earlier in this very episode, which in turn enables Sam to support Dean.

As a family, they borrow support from one another.

The group support ends with Dean rising from the ashes of his existential crisis. He has renewed energy, ready to fight for Jack.

(Aside// In the next episode, 15x19, it's Sam who will lose hope, and Dean and Jack will try and lend their strength to him.)

@spnscripthunt-inactive

[quietwingsinthesky]

CASTIEL LOOKS SO FUCKING HORRIFIED TO LEARN ABOUT THE SEX DUNGEON

[aturnoftheearth]

remember in 9x03 when cas dies and you hear dean’s quiet tiny “no…” and then in 12x23 when cas dies and you hear dean scream “NO!!!” and then in 15x09 when he’s lost cas in purgatory he says “no no no” in a quiet panicked tone. love to imagine an hour into that dungeon cry he started repeating “no” over and over again while still sobbing

[omgitskaii]

15.18 au where dean uses the enochian banishing symbol and confesses to cas before zapping him out of the dungeon, and when dean truly dies cas is suddenly shocked with how cold he gets.

and it’s because deans prayers stopped.

[wanderingcas]

idk all i'm saying that is if dean and cas decided to fuck nasty on the dungeon floor the empty would have showed up gone "i'm not touching that" and left immediately, taking billie with it as a mercy to whatever the hell is going on in there. canon solved by dean getting dicked down thanks for coming to my ted talk

[honeyryewhiskey]

but, i'm a cupid!

or, you’re a cupid, you can’t help the natural call to make two beings fall in love. even if it means bringing critters into the bunker when no ones looking.  cw!! fluff, spn lore on cupids is bland so yes i’m adding to it, grumpy x sunshine trope 1.3k words

the bunker had been under a quiet hum for quite some time now, sam in the library organizing and filing while dean sat in the war room looking for cases. the older winchester had nearly forgotten about the little angel cas left in their care a few weeks ago. a cupid, to be precise. 

at first he absolutely refused, claimed they weren’t a daycare for heaven’s flight crew. but cas, being a busy man, simply left the brothers standing in the bunker with a smiley little cherub. unlike most angels dean has met, you were sickeningly sweet, incredibly helpless at times, and though he would never admit it— adorable, too. 

you tried to be helpful, like quietly stepping in to do the chores sam and dean argued over. but it’s not like you really knew what you were doing. like the time dean tiredly shuffled into the kitchen one morning, opening the cupboard to find bacon, milk, and eggs stashed in there. when he started on an angry roll of name calling, it was your tear filled eyes and pouty lips that made him shut up quick. that afternoon was spent teaching you what food goes in the fridge. 

or the time you tried to fix up the impala, completely unaware that spray paint doesn’t cover up scratches. when dean strolled into the garage, expecting to take a sweet sunday joy ride just to find his baby had been vandalised, his shouts damn near shook the entire bunker. when he found you with paint stained fingertips and that pathetic wobbly lip, his anger dissipated. you settled on a promise to never under any circumstances ever touch baby again. 

now, as he sits before the glow of sam’s laptop, the quiet begins to feel entirely unsettling. he leaves his spot, heading for the library. when he doesn’t see you taking on your usual little helper tasks with sam his brows furrow. 

“have you seen the little bird?” 

sam looks up from his pile of books and paper, “no,” he shrugs, “i thought she was with you.”

that damn cupid is up to something, he thinks to himself. 

with a sigh dean turns, setting off to sweep the bunker. the kitchen is quiet, empty. at least the food is safe he assures himself. heading down stairs into the hall of bedrooms he finds your room empty as well. as he heads towards the dungeon, the last place he’d expect you as you once described it as dark and spooky, a muffled giggle stops him in his tracks. 

he waits, listening, as he hears it again coming from sam’s bedroom. he quietly approaches the door, gently pushing it open to find you kneeling on the ground with your back to the door. 

“what the hell are you doing, lovebird?” he crosses the room, standing over you and what he can now see to be a pair of brown fluffy rabbits. 

startled, you look up at him with wide eyes, “nothing.” you smile. his heart does that stupid little flutter that seems to only happen when you smile at him like that. all sweet with a pinch of mischief. 

“right,” his brows knit together as he points at the rabbits, “this is nothing?” 

a little humph leaves your lips as you rise to your feet, crossing your arms and looking up at dean with a determined scowl across your face, “i’m matchmaking, if you must know. these two have been hopping around outside for days and i could practically smell how much they need each other.” 

he looks between you and the critters a few times, “yeah, no, we’re not doing this. no rabbits— no animals of any kind allowed in the bunker.”

 his heart pangs as you jut out your bottom lip, eyes growing glossy. damn this pathetically cute little thing. his hands instinctively cup your face, “hey, hey, lovebird. no crying, remember?” his voice gruff, barely masking his annoyance.

you sniffle, biting your cheek to stop the tears brimming your lashes. you can’t always help the crying, cupids are naturally empathetic creatures with no qualms about showing their emotions. dean thumbs your cheeks, giving a light squeeze to one side. 

“but i’m a cupid!” you cry out, “i can’t help wanting to help them fall in love.” 

“rabbits don’t fall in love!” he drops his hands from your face, trying to find his words despite the absurdity of yours. “they mate, like the saying, ‘mate like rabbits’ there's no love happening here.” 

you stare up at him, wiping stray tears as some terrible thought makes your face turn sour. “so, like you?” your voice reflects the absolute devastation you feel at the realization. 

“oh what now?” dean groans.

“they’re like you! mating with no love.” you whimper. it’s no secret dean moves about women with everything except love. it was one of the first things you noticed about him, a spider's web of potential love stories that never takes because he’s swatting them away before anything divine can happen. you could have easily fixed this, but something about dean getting sweet with another woman makes your heart feel heavy. besides, dean asked you specifically not to matchmake with humans while you were on earth. so, the itch to use your skills was killing you and a perfectly innocent set of rabbits happened to be right outside the bunker. 

dean shoots you an incredulous look before shaking his head, “alright, i’m gunna pretend you didn’t just say that, little bird. we’re getting these things out. now.” he brushes past you, reaching for the rabbits far too slowly and aggressively, making them scurry off in opposite directions. 

“great!” you shout, “you scared them! now they’ll never even mate!” you drop to your knees, cooing gently at the fluff hiding underneath the bed. 

dean paces behind you, eyes squeezed shut as he musters up all the patience in the world, “hold on,” he stops abruptly, tilting his head to you, “why are you in sam’s room?” 

a shy smile finds your lips at you meet his quizzical gaze, “sam doesn’t say no nearly as often as you do. i thought if he saw how cute the bunnies are, he’d be on my side and i’d get to keep them and their love babies.” 

as much as dean would love to think your words fill him with nothing but anger and annoyance, your innocently sharp manipulation is rather fascinating. you were right, sam doesn’t like to say no and he was more fond of having pets than his older brother is, but dean would have put an end to this little scheme one way or another. 

as you lie half under the bed now, reaching for one of the rabbits, dean notices the little black droppings peppering the room. sam’s room.

“actually, lovebird,” he smirks, “why don’t we leave those two alone for a bit, see if your matchmaking skills really can work on the wildlife.” 

your excitement at his words makes you scramble off of the ground, peering up at him with a hopeful smile, “really? you think it’ll work?” 

“mhm,” he grins, stealing your hand in his, “let’s give ‘em some space, i’ll watch that reality show you love and let you tell me which ones are fated souls and all that cupid stuff you talk about.” 

➹

you sat with your legs crossed on the couch, dean beside you with a beer in hand and an amused grin as you raddled off all the little quirks that are tell-tale signs of a cupid’s work. on the other side of the bunker there's a clunk of commotion that startles you, but dean hardly reacts, his grin morphing into a satisfied smirk. 

“what was that?” you grab dean’s arm, shuffling closer to him.

“give it a sec.” he responds cooly. within seconds sam is stomping into the room, bewildered and clearly annoyed. 

“why,” he huffs, “are there rabbits shitting all over my room?” 

“oh no.” you whimper, sinking deeper into the couch, hiding your head under dean’s arm. 

“the little angel brought you a gift, sammy,” the older winchester let’s out an uncontrollable laugh, watching his frazzled brother with pure amusement, “don’t you just love it?” 

y'all i am not used to writing without angst or an emotional overtone so pls lmk if this sucks lol

[angelsdean]

Revisiting the lyrics to "Watching Over Me" in the context of what Jensen has said before and most recently, about Dean's thought process in the aftermath of Cas's declaration, as he sat sobbing on the dungeon floor in the hours that followed.

We know Jensen has Thoughts about what Dean was going through in that scene. He’s said that in the aftermath is when Dean really processed and Understood Cas’s words. Dean was too overwhelmed by everything happening in the moment, but it’s after that everything sinks in. And it’s also in this “after” that Dean mourns and regrets never saying anything back, and that Jensen thought as Dean while filming, “I should’ve said I love you and hugged him.” 

So with that context, I’m revisiting the lyrics of "Watching Over Me":  

Lay it on  Now that I can see Couldn't barely talk Without the will to breathe Didn't hear the strength within your words And what they mean You were watchin' over me

This first stanza details exactly what Jensen has spoken about before, Dean left in the aftermath. Dean now looking back, “now that [he] can see” what Cas’s words meant, “the strength within” them. And at the time, in the moment of Cas’s declaration, Dean was overwhelmed, couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe. He didn’t hear what it really meant in the moment, but now on the dungeon floor it’s all hitting him.

You can hear the call When trouble's on the way Who said the beast was gone? He was only just away Tryin' to find the peace and always knowin' I was never really free You were watchin' over me

In the second stanza, I interpret this as sort of jumping into the future, into 15x19 and 15x20 (from a Chuck Won angle, they were never really free), but also touching on the pervading theme throughout season 15, about realizing they were never truly free. The beast is Chuck. At the start of s15 they believe Chuck has “gone” and abandoned them but he wasn’t truly gone, “only just away.” Dean especially spends much of the season really struggling with the knowledge that they were just pawns in Chuck’s game.

Cas also was always the wrench in Chuck’s stories, always disrupting the narrative. If we continue to presume the “you’s” in the song are Cas then “You can hear the call / When trouble’s on the way” could mean that Cas was more in-tune with celestial things, knowing when trouble was on the way, or just always willing to step up to the plate when trouble came knocking. I think, with the refrain of “You were watchin’ over me” it’s clear that Dean sees Cas as someone who was always looking out for him, and that he now understands Cas wasn't simply "watching over him" as an angel, but because he cares deeply for Dean. (Even when Cas wasn’t physically there to “watch over him” Cas was often doing things with this intent—whether his plans panned out or not, I think Dean sees and acknowledges the intent behind a lot of Cas’s actions as being protective in nature).

With the will to look away When I was fallin' down Crawlin' in the dirt?

I can see these lines as being about the moment when Cas pushes Dean aside for the Empty to take him. Cas has always been “watchin’ over” Dean but in that moment he had “the will to look away” as he smiles and saves Dean one last time. And Dean may not literally have been “crawlin’ in the dirt” but metaphorically he feels like this, as he tries to get his bearings after “fallin’ down”, trying to get back up but paralyzed to do so. Internally he’s grappling, crawling through the dirt of this awful moment.

Is it fair enough to say That I needed you through the crazy pain Of livin' here with all this hurt and what I feel?

Dean, broken and defeated in his grief, bargaining, praying, thinking: how can I go on without you, Cas? How can he go on “livin’ here with all this hurt” and what [he] feels !!!! WHAT HE [DEAN] FEELS!!! What does he feel? Going back up to that first stanza, and how Dean couldn’t speak, couldn’t breathe. Thinking back to what Jensen has said, about him thinking as Dean in that moment, “I should’ve said I love you and hugged him.” And here Dean is wondering, “how the hell am I supposed to live like this? What am I supposed to do with all this “crazy pain” and all these words left unsaid and what I feel."

Another angle of interpretation is also, “I needed you here to get through all of this, to get through living in this world we live in” looping back to the stuff about Chuck and Free Will. He needed Cas with him, by his side, as his best friend, partner, everything, to get through the horrors of living the lives they live. And now Cas is gone, and how can he go on?

All I touch and how I steal?

This line is interesting to me. It feels like self-blame. Guilt. Echoing the sentiment of “the very touch of you corrupts.” In conjunction with the next two lines, Dean’s feeling regret. He let it all “slip away.” But also this line is in the same stanza with the previous lines. And reading it all together there’s this feeling of “I needed you. I needed you here in my life through all the horrible pain, through everything we’ve been through together, I’ve always needed you, even when I’ve been at my worst, even when I ruin the things I touch. I’ve always needed you here by my side through it all."

The fantasy was far too real Oh, I let it slip away

This could mean so many things depending on your reading of Dean and his feelings for Cas. I don’t know if this is what Jensen was thinking when he wrote these lyrics, but my personal interpretation of these lines are, well Dean had this fantasy in his mind, of them winning, of them getting out. Of one day being able to declare his own feelings for Cas (the Trap “there's something I need to say—”). But in the end he never got to speak his feelings. Everything slipped away from him so fast. All his hopes and dreams, gone. Also, if you take into consideration the idea that Dean was pining after Cas but never thought Cas would or could feel the same way because of various reasons, this line could also be Dean mourning that when it finally happened and his fantasy (hearing Cas say i love you romantically) came true he didn't even realize that's what Cas meant! He let the moment slip away! His big moment! He didn't even get to say "I love you" back. His deepest fantasy finally made real and then he let it all slip away.

Another more general interpretation is just this sense of regret, of letting Cas go, of not being able to do anything in that moment to stop him from leaving, feeling helpless and hopeless and blaming himself.

Didn't hear the strength within your words And what they mean You were watchin' over me

And again, the refrain. In the moment of Cas's declaration he didn’t hear what Cas’s words really meant. Now, he’s processed them and understands the fullness of Cas’s love, that it was romantic, that Cas was always watching over him, protecting him, saving him.

hi sorry i just reread the lyrics to Watching Over Me and now i feel insane. he literally WROTE THAT.

[zationao3]

You're my home, ch 3

The one where young Dean Winchester is hellbent on shaping his own damn fate.

Chapter 3: Flirtations and fighters

In which Dean experiences true jealousy for perhaps the first time and later decides to try and carve his future to his liking.

[kinky-cas]

i need so desperately for dean and cas to move out of the bunker and into a real house post canon. one they fix up themselves. maybe on a rambling plot of land in the country, or maybe just outside of town, or even above a roadhouse 2.0.

because the bunker is the first stable home dean’s had since he was four, yes. but it’s a bunker. a place that provides safety at the price of isolation and secrecy. a place you stay inside of until the danger has passed and the war is over. not a peacetime home.

and dean and cas have both sacrificed so much for the world. they’ve had to keep so much of themselves and their dreams on the back burner for so long. they’ve been kept silent and kept apart and forced by god and the cw to leave their love unspoken, and then killed for it anyways. after all that, i can’t think of anything they deserve more than a happy ending full of love and warmth and fresh air and sunlight.

no more darkness, no more dungeons. just lazy sunday mornings and comfy front porch swings and bright sunny kitchens. no more deals, no more sacrifices. just a life filled with the easy, every day kind of love.

[shallowseeker]

Ough.

To be told this...

While you're at your lowest, most hopeless point.

That you're a stain, a disappointment--that you have failed utterly!

-10x23

///

-13x04

Everything is telling you to give up, to quit trying.

And yet Dean and Cas keep TRYING TO FIX IT.

///

But there is also this heartbeaking parallel.

After trying to kill Sam when he was Demon Dean and after saying hateful things to Sam ("‘Cause there’s just enough demon left in me that killing you? Ain’t no choice at all."), Dean regains his sense of self and kills death:

-10x23

///

And after being at his lowest point again, after allowing Jack to sacrifice himself and saying hateful things to/about Jack ("Jack is NOT family!" / Thank you for taking on this sacrifice so me and Sam can be free), Dean regains himself and kills death again:

-15x17