#deep and meaningful text posts

[khaossx4]

★ 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐫𝐚𝐰, 𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞. 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤. 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐮𝐩𝐨𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. ★

[alangdorf]

Hi :) I finally made my Magolor conspiracy theory board! I know the text is small so I’m gonna write out a transcription plus all the stuff I couldn’t fit without making everything completely illegible. Be warned, this is gonna get long.

By the way, please don’t take this overly seriously; I’m just shaking thoughts out of my head. I used to be all “yeah Magolor is exactly the type of character I would like but I’m just not that crazy about him.” But then the Epilogue came along and we had a blackout where I barely had internet access for a couple days and these two things combined flipped a switch in my brain and I thought about/talked about nothing but Magolor for literally a week straight. And so here we are!

First off, a note about the Another Dimenion creatures (Doomers, Darpas, Deppas, Dippas, and Dupas). In Japanese, Sphere Doomers are called Sphere Lowpers – Lowper being the romaji spelling used in the files, although in Japanese it’s pronounced Rōpā (ろーぱー), and most likely originating from the English words “interloper” and/or “robber”. B and p are closely related in Japanese writing, both being a slight alteration of the consonant h (via diacritic marks called tenten [two little lines] and maru [a circle]), so は is ha, ば is ba, and ぱ is pa.

The other creatures are variations on Rōpā with different vowels in the first syllable (they’re actually called morae [singular: mora] instead of syllables though): Rāpā, Rēpā, Rīpā, and Rūpā. These are changed in English to match the fact that Doomer starts with D: Darpas, Dippas, and Dupas, according to the Magolor Epilogue song titled “VS Darpa-Dippa-Dupas”, and then Deppa for Rēpā as a logical extrapolation of that.

(Side note: since this game came out before Kirby localization teams were given a lot of guidance, the names in other languages for Doomers are alllllll over the place in terms of meaning. Sphere Chimera, Sphere Spook, Spectre Sphere, and my favorite is the Italian, “Fenix Sferix”, meaning Phoenix Sphere. For their translation of “VS Darpa-Dippa-Dupas” they went with the same play on the vowels, so it’s “VS Fanix-Finix-Funix”. But then?? What are their Deppas called???? Probably Fonix but it’s still funny lol)

Now is probably a good time to talk about Magolor’s name; get all the translation fun facts out of the way. In Japanese, his name is Mahoroa (まほろあ). “Mahō” is the word “magic” in Japanese, so the English version starting with “Mago”, derived from “magic”, is a good close translation. “Lor” and “roa” are both their respective language’s name for the Lor Starcutter, and are roughly equivalent in Japanese pronunciation. The devs have said in a Miiverse post that Magolor’s name was also partially derived from the Japanese word “Mahoroba” (まほろば), which is the name for the concept of a “far-off land full of bliss and peace” (per the Wikipedia page for Mahoroba), which could certainly be translated as “paradise” (note on that in a second). With ba and pa being almost the same letter, it makes me wonder if Mahoroba and Rōpā (まほろば and ろーぱー) are meant to be so similar as a cheeky wordplay thing. Mostly because I think it would be really funny if that was the case.

The aforementioned note which is about the meaning of “Magolor” in the language the Jamba speak: there is a pause screen in Star Allies that lists a bunch of translations for words in their language, most notable here being “Mafo = lie” and “Lor = paradise”. “Mafo” having a different third letter than “Mago” is hardly an issue; fo and ho are written the same in Japanese unless you’re being really pedantic about loanword spelling (ホ vs フォ), “Maho” being equivalent to “Mago” is already established, and Star Allies had a notoriously messy localization anyways, so I would hardly be surprised if they just forgot to change it to “Mago”.

Also, given the fact that Return to Dreamland Deluxe added a line for 100%ing the game that clarifies that Mags was lying about being from Halcandra but studied Ancient culture there for years and that this whole post posits the theory that he was originally some sort of Another Dimension creature like the Doomers and co. (Side note: in the context of whatever possible relationship the Doomers and Ancients used to have [Rampaging Doomers are implied by Sphere Doomers EX pause screen lore to be ancient Doomers and have the gear aesthetic and that could mean any number of things], and the limited individuality of the Doomers/Darpa-Deppa-Dippa-Dupas and their subservience to Grand Doomer, I see this less as cultural appropriation and more like uhhhh trans coding, kinda. Please don’t come at me about this; I often joke that Kit, my nickname, is short for Catboy Discourse but I don’t actually want to fight on the internet about this catboy), the fact that this pause screen is for a version of Unhooded Hyness from the SAME UPDATE that added Magolor to the game is so hysterical. Maggie rocks up to a fight with someone he’s never heard of (Hyness claims in his rant that the Ancients erased his sect from their history after the schism), they reveal themself to be an actual Ancient, and the game itself calls him a liar???!? Like dude you had at least one other outfit you could’ve worn today lol

Anyways, I have some loose appearance similarities to point out between Magolor and the Doomers and co. His ears are shaped, striped (his hood is at least, though I know it’s more similar to Hyness’ ears), positioned, and even move similarly to the top two projectiles on a Deppa. The ears do have more jiggle physics now, unlike the Deppa projectiles, but they’re often portrayed as horns instead of ears in his boss forms (and concept art but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything for current Mags) anyways. Also, Dupas’ feet are a little strange. With the way that they move back and forth unrelated to how the Dupa actually moves and the way that they can stand upside down, it definitely could be that those appendages are disconnected similar to Magolor’s hands and the Dupas actually move by floating around. Admittedly they’re not the same color yellow and this one is a vague connection at best, though the Dupas are also slightly egg-shaped like Magolor. Oh, and in Magolor Epilogue his projectiles and the Rampaging Doomers’ projectiles look almost exactly the same to me. I could also point out the fact that Magolor’s 2nd phase/Soul form has a large mouth like the Doomers, Deppas, and Dupas, though it doesn’t look very similar. Girl what is that thing. Why do you look like W.D. Gaster.

A slightly stronger connection is the eyes. Flat yellow eyes (upright ovals with variations for expression in this case) aren’t that uncommon on Kirby creatures, but a lot of notable examples, such as Hyness, the other Jambas, and Wester, have their eyes on a black background, likely to symbolize shadowed, glowing eyes. In Hyness’ case at the very least, this is proven by his unhooded appearance. Magolor, on the other hand, has his on a brown background, which, as indicated by his visible ear in the Epilogue, is just his skin color. (Meta Knight is similar in this regard, but he has his own whole thing going on species-wise, and his eyes were white when not shadowed until like Brawl anyways which just supports my point.) It being a solid color, and comparatively a dull one at that, is dissimilar to the Doomers, though it makes sense with his design to not make it too busy. Also a couple of the Doomer types have different eye colors, but that’s also clearly for the purposes of making a good palette.

My favorite evidence, however, that links Magolor to the Doomers is his first phase boss theme, Welcome Your New Overlord (née Under My Control). I think it’s so similar to Another Dimension (the song that plays in the rift segments before each Doomer fight) and VS Sphere Doomer (context self-explanatory) that they were intentionally written in the same style. (Grand Doomer is also somewhat similar, but to a lesser extent in my opinion.) All these songs have synth chords through most (less in Grand Doomer) of them that, well. I didn’t take enough music theory to be able to identify chords more complex than triads, but I would describe them as “dissonant” or “jazzy”, and they step around to different keys relatively frequently (Oops, just realized I wrote “chord structure” instead of “chord progression” on the board, oh well. It’s probably non-functional harmony anyway but either way, I just meant this). They also have very similar rhythms, playing the same chords multiple times in a row, often falling on offbeats (again, Grand Doomer is the outlier here). Pre-final boss themes in Kirby are often written to be complex and disorienting, but the way that these songs are similar is specific enough that I think it’s reasonable to assume it was on purpose. Also can I just say how much I love Welcome Your New Overlord? Amazing song.

Overall, the trick to all Kirby lore is trying to judge whether things are done by the developers for the purposes of gameplay and game experience or for the purposes of canon lore, and I’m not gonna make a judgement call on this one, but I really like it as a headcanon at the very least. A couple more related headcanons about Magolor for reading this far: Not sure whether I think that Mags named the Lor after himself or himself after the Lor, but I think for the “Mago” part, he either named himself after the Ancient word for “lie” on purpose as an inside joke for only himself (not knowing the Jamba were still around to call him on it) or he named himself after the Ancient word for “magic” and it just so happens to be either a homonym or synonym for the word “lie”, possibly because of negative opinions toward the Jamba. Possibly both options, even. Also I think the reason he talks Like That, at least in English (in Japanese he just uses katakana instead of hiragana a lot, which, katakana is usually used for foreign words so it gives a “foreigner” feeling), is because he’s a very studious and book-smart foreign language learner, but unfortunately the first native speaker of Kirby’s language he met was Marx (there’s a well established fan theory that he has met Marx before based on his dialogue that he knows someone who knows Kirby) and he internalized entirely too many of his speech patterns. On purpose. Mini speech headcanons: At Merry Magoland he either addresses to the patrons as “parkgoers”, “paying customers” (he doesn’t charge admission but he got used to saying it at the Shoppe and thought it would be funny to continue saying it in an inappropriate situation; it does make some people freak out thinking they were supposed to buy a ticket), or “gamers”. Also during the beginning of Return to Dream Land he laid the flattery on a bit thick with calling the main group “kind strangers” and “my saviors” and he still calls them that sometimes after they’re friends for real just to be annoying.

Thank you for reading!

[the-boer-brigade]

I could give you the sun

I could give you the ocean

And it still wouldn't meet your goliath demands

[heelust]

𝝑𝝔 𝐃𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐄𝐍𝐇𝐘𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐋𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐒 :

w : kisses pairings : enhypen x gn!reader genre : fluff wc : idk

𓏲· dollie's note ˚𖦆 : my second post! >< please reblog~

୨୧ ¦ library

୨୧ 𝐋𝐄𝐄 𝐇𝐄𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐔𝐍𝐆

morning and night texts, giggly kisses, gaming together, borrowing hoodies, belly rubs, head pats, songs about you, ranting to each other, romantic poems.

୨୧ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆

receiving random gifts, late night walks, cooking together, warmest hugs, shopping, neck kisses, not wanting to get out from the bed, breakfast in bed, pampering each other, dancing around the kitchen, encouraging words.

୨୧ 𝐒𝐈𝐌 𝐉𝐀𝐄𝐘𝐔𝐍

rooftop cuddles, warming each other up in the cold, laying in each other's laps, poking you for attention, lunch datos, a folder in his camera roll dedicated to you, sweet notes, arm around your waist, fluffy blankets, couple photos.

୨୧ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐎𝐍

lazy days, hungry kisses, warm hugs, sharing a bed, pointless conversations, 3am make-out sessions, deep eye contact, tracing shapes on each other's skin, pinterest couple, cafe or ice rink dates.

୨୧ 𝐊𝐈𝐌 𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐖𝐎𝐎

bright smiles, mini photos shoots, k-drama nights, cooking together at 1am, matching wallpapers, matching outfits, making each other laugh, valentine rings, face masks pulshies, butterfly kisses, vacations, holding hands and swinging them, sweet pet names, braiding hair.

୨୧ 𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆𝐖𝐎𝐍

continuous nagging, study buddies, singing to you sleep, self defense training sessions, opening the door for you, meaningful conversations, consolations heart warming confessions, physical affection, cheek kisses.

୨୧ 𝐍𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐔𝐑𝐀 𝐑𝐈𝐊𝐈

hesitant kisses, comparing hand size & heights, piggy back rides, oversized t-shirts, texting funny pictures, play fighting, pints of ice cream in the freezer, teasing, gaming competitions, dance covers together.

© 2024 seoniwoo

do not copy, translate nor repost on another website.

taglist : none ( send ask to be added )

[theotterpenguin]

the performative accusation that shipping zutara (and occasionally this criticism is levied at jinko/zukka) is colonialist apologism has been addressed in some excellent posts, explaining the inaccuracies and problematic implications of this logic far better than i ever could - like this post and this one and this one and this one and this one.

and i know this topic has been talked about to death, but if you could indulge my contribution for a moment, i just find it interesting how this sentiment results from the cognitive dissonance of atla fans being unable to reconcile with the idea of their favorite show's political beliefs not lining up with their own.

atla is a largely philosophical children's show that at its core deals with themes of love, redemption, and destiny vs. free-will. atla examines these themes through an anti-colonalist, anti-imperalist lens that deconstructs the idea of racial divisiveness and the idea that people of different ethnicities are inherently different. this is message is pretty explicitly stated by guru pathik:

Guru Pathik: "The greatest illusion of this world is the illusion of separation. Things you think are separate and different are actually one and the same." Aang: "Like the four nations?" Guru Pathik: "Yes. We are all one people. But we live as if divided."

and also by uncle iroh:

"It is important to draw wisdom from many different places. If you take it from only one place, it becomes rigid and stale. Understanding others, the other elements and the other nations will help you become whole."

this theme is developed across three full seasons, with the crux of this message culminating in zuko's friendships with the gaang - despite coming from different nationalities and different backgrounds, they have all had their own experiences being hurt by the fire nation and work together to take down the oppressive fire nation government. the question of destiny vs. free will is also explored through zuko's character - despite starting off as an antagonist, he develops into a symbolic representation of how the fire nation's oppression hurts its own citizens. he unlearns the fire nation's imperialist propaganda while simultaneously unlearning his father's abuse. rather than following misguided beliefs of what he thought his destiny was as the heir to the throne, instead he forges his own path.

thus, to claim that zuko can never form a deep and meaningful relationship with any of the gaang because of his nationality goes unequivocally against the themes of the show. and a major part of this is because these are fictional characters being used to analyze different theoretical questions within the show and in some cases, are used as symbolic representations of different philosophical ideas - their friendships and their character arcs serve a purpose within the text that cannot be easily transcribed onto real-life dynamics between people.

it's illogical to criticize fans who are choosing to understand atla at the level of the themes that are presented by the text - who are interested in exploring similar philosophical questions brought up by the show through the context of relationships.

if you don't like the themes of forgiveness and redemption that atla explores, your criticism should be aimed at the writing of the show itself rather than other fans. because you are giving far more thought to the "implications" of a close friendship or romantic relationship between someone from an imperalist nation and someone from an oppressed nation than the writers ever did. (and if you fall in this camp of people, i would hope you wouldn't be reblogging fanart of zuko and the gaang together while simultaneously claiming zuko could can never escape the sins of his ancestors and can never form a deep relationship based on trust and intimacy with katara or sokka or jin - because that would just be hypocritical).

and as a side note, people seem to apply this flawed logic to zutara far more than other ships solely because the show spends the most time exploring the complicated nature of fire nation imperalism in the interactions between zuko and katara in the latter half of b3. this is because they've been juxtapositioned against each other and paralleled with aang since the beginning of the show in ways that toph, sokka, and suki are not, who have mostly been used to examine different themes. there simply isn't enough time to explore these complicated themes with all the other characters, even if they theoretically exist in zuko’s dynamics with these characters, so the writers focus the most on zuko's relationships with katara and aang, and these relationships are given far more narrative weight, so have more content to criticize. but zuko and katara also canonically become friends by the end of the show. if you want to discount the existence of their friendship, claiming that it will always be tainted by the fire nation's oppression regardless of what is shown in the text, then you also have to discount zuko's friendships with aang, suki, toph, and sokka - because even if this isn't shown as a permanent barrier to their friendships in the show, it’s also not shown as a permanent barrier to his friendship with katara. if your logic is solely based on the idea that a person's identity in a relationship as a colonizer or a victim is fixed and unchanging regardless of character development, this would apply to zuko's friendships with everyone else as well.

[picaroroboto]

For the past couple days, I've been unfortunately cursed with thinking about Zenos yae Galvus. I don't even particularly like him - not that I dislike him either, Zenosfuckers you can put your scythes down - but it seems to me like a lot of the fandom either greatly misunderstands him, or doesn't even care to try to understand him, which from an objective standpoint as someone who cares deeply about writing in video games kind of pisses me off. But I'm more pissed about the fact that I'm apparently going to keep thinking about this issue until I actually write a character analysis of him.

Q: "But, what even is there to analyze with him? Isn't he all about wanting to fight the WoL and nothing else?"

Well, you wouldn't be wrong with saying that. That motivation is at the forefront of his character, and even if you look closer, everything about him comes back to either "violence" or "lack of understanding of others". But there are more meaningful sides to his deceptively simple character. That question of meaning is what I really want to look into - what does his character mean, what symbolic or thematic role does he play in this story?

Q: "Better question: why are you posting this on your art blog/Fate meta sideblog?"

Good question, with a stupid answer: I have all of 6 followers on my FF14 sideblog, and around 150 here. Let's go under the cut so they don't have to read a wall of text, unless they want to.

When you look at and compare FF14's villains, you can see a very clear change, no doubts thanks to the change in main writers. ARR Gaius and Thordan are more or less two-bit villains - Gaius's memeable iconic Praetorium speech gives us insight into how fascists try to justify themselves but little into Gaius's actual personality, while all Thordan gets as far as depth of character is an NPC in a sidequest remarking that he wasn't always a bad person and was probably doing what he thought best for his nation. Nidhogg is a little more understandable, since revenge is a relatable motivation to anyone who's been hurt by others. In Stormblood, Zenos and Yotsuyu are both presented as deserving of pity even as they do terrible things. Come Shadowbringers and Endwalker though, the story takes a greater interest on why villains like Emet-Selch and Elidibus do the things they do, and the player is allowed more options to try to understand them and see how similar they are to the WoL. Hell, Hermes and the Endsinger are barely "villains" at all, with the level of sympathy the story shows them.

What I'm getting to here is that Zenos, with half his arc in Stormblood and the rest in Endwalker, is sort of caught in the middle of this shift. He played the role of the rival character in Stormblood really well, but come Endwalker, he's standing on a stage full of heroes and villains with grand causes and deep motivations, as the guy whose sole motivation is fighting for pleasure.

It seems he's not unaware of this contrast himself - when Jullus confronts him for ruining Garlemald for no good reason, he retorts with "Would you be happier had I a good reason?" Zenos makes no attempt to justify his own actions and doesn't care that his reason seems incomprehensible and unforgivable to others. Yet in that same cutscene Alisaie hits him with the fact that if he keeps living solely for pleasure, he'll die alone. When next we see Zenos, he's alone at the Royal Menagerie waxing philosophical about what he really sought in the battle with the WoL.

See, what really motivates Zenos isn't just the thrill of battle - this guy has gotten Battle High and the joy of human connection confused. Really.

Even before he gets so perturbed by the idea of dying alone, there's other suggestions, like his proposal of friendship to the WoL when they fought in Stormblood, and then later his dying words in which he explains that he never understood others - at his core, he's just lonely. I know there's an official side story that tells it, but you don't need to know the exact details to glean that he had some sort of tragic backstory. Sad, but not a surprise, considering he's the prince of the Garlean Empire, raised to take the throne and continue the Empire's legacy of violence.

At his core, he's a very lonely person, but also a thing of violence, raised using violent methods for the purpose of causing more violence. Violence is how he lives and breathes - the only way he gets any sort of connection with others in a world of hurting and being hurt is the brief connection warriors dueling as equals can sometimes find. Don't deny that this sort of connection exists - FF14 is great at making fights that are both fun and tell a story. Hence, why he goes crazy for the WoL, but also refers to them as "friend". In their fights, he senses (or thinks he senses) similarity between him and them. Beneath all the madness is a pure, genuine joy in seeing the self reflected in the other...but he also instantly gets on the train to projection-town, population Zenos, and assumes the WoL is exactly like him, ignoring or failing to notice that they also fight for deeper meanings. The worst part is, he doesn't even notice that what he's actually seeking in fighting them is connection until Alisaie's aforementioned callout.

So he goes and angsts for a while, then turns into a dragon again and flies across the universe to help us kick the Endsinger's tail feathers, then issues his challenge for that duel he'd been longing for. But what's changed is that he starts with a question - "Such pleasures you sought for their own sake, and for no other reason, is that not so?". Dying after the duel, he's full of questions too: "Was your life a gift or a burden? Did you find fulfillment?" Alisaie's suggestion that he'd die alone actually spurred him to realize what he actually sought in the WoL, and now he's asking all these questions in an attempt to, for the first time in his life, genuinely connect with another human being.

The questions aren't important just because they're a sign of how Zenos has changed in Endwalker - they're actually the thematic heart of Endwalker! ARR may have had "Answers" as it's theme, but EW is the expac of questions. Namely the biggest question of all: What is the meaning of life? Different characters have different answers to that, leading to the grand-scale symbolic conflict being the Endsinger's despair - her belief that there is no meaning in life - versus whatever reasons the WoL chooses to live for, left, as always, up to player interpretation.

When you look deeper, Zenos isn't actually as out-of-place in the symbolic conflict as he first seems. His depressed worldview - that metaphor about drowning in a swamp again - seems to align with the Endsinger's view about life being meaningless. But he aids the WoL in defeating her. In that way he serves as part of the answer to her question about the meaning of life. He may have resented life at times, but he still found meaning in chasing pleasure. Not the strongest or most beautiful reason to deny oblivion, perhaps, but it did enable him to help the WoL triumph. I think of Zenos's philosophy as being connected to the concept of "Amor Fati"...largely because this quote explaining it sounds like something he'd say, or at least agree with on some level:

"and if our soul has trembled with happiness and sounded like a harp string just once, all eternity was needed to produce this one event—and in this single moment of affirmation all eternity was called good, redeemed, justified, and affirmed."

So he does have a meaningful role in Endwalker, as the "Amor Fati" against the Endsinger's "Memento Mori". I think that in this the story shows that his reason for living, while somewhat shallow, is not necessarily a morally wrong thing in and of itself (setting aside for a second all the people he hurt in his pursuit of that). It's just that, since it is a lonely pursuit that denies everything except for his target, it still feels empty. The core of the counterargument against the Endsinger's despair is that both pleasure and fulfillment are necessary to live a meaningful life in a meaningless universe, and that's why Zenos is here in Endwalker. Why he even exists in the story in the first place.

Even if you're one of the people who deeply hates Zenos...well, you probably wouldn't have read this whole thing if you did, but I still think it's important to read into characters you dislike, because every character in a story is written for a reason. Plus, trying to understand even their worst enemies is one of the WoL's key traits as of ShB and EW. With his last breaths, Zenos was trying to understand the WoL too - carrying this understanding of him with you as we move into our next adventures is the least you can do for your "friend".

[piggyinthesea]

The Night After Monaco

part 2 of this fic

pairing: charles leclerc x reader, max verstappen x reader

word count: idk prolly more than 2k

warnings: shouting, smut, messy charles, stress, anxiety, fluff, kind of sugar daddy charles, max being desperate, gaslighting

summary: charles teaches you things you didn’t know about yourself he shows you what it means to truly be taken care of. but, does this mean things are really done with max?

Son las cinco 'e la mañana y yo no he dormido nada

It’s 5 in the morning and I haven’t slept at all

Pensando en tu belleza, en loco voy a parar

Thinking of your beauty, going to end up crazy

El insomnio es mi castigo, tu amor será mi alivio

Insomnia is my punishment, your love is my relief

Y hasta que no seas mía no viviré en paz

And until your mine, I won’t live in peace

There’s always someone watching. Every time you do something there’s always someone or something watching. You realized that when you found a post on Instagram about the other night.

f1exlusiveupdates

f1exlusiveupdates: Charles Leclerc, ferrari driver, spotted leaving an exclusive club with company shortly after his Monaco Gp win. No images including the female’s face.

↳ user233 just a hook up, not a big deal.

↳ charlesismybf it’s me guys, I’m the female☺️

↳ formula1luver baby come home the kids miss you

327 comments 15,000 likes

Charles had sent the article to you that had been posted that same evening with a message asking to talk. It shouldn’t have bothered you the way it did but, you became extremely anxious to hear what he had to say.

The moment Charles’s had woken up he was met with a text from his brother, Arthur. Arthur had sent the article with an abundance of questions of who, what, when, why. After Arthur persisted, Charles had told him everything.

He explained your situation, the ‘break’, and he even threw in the hickey on Max’s neck to ease it all. Arthur had nothing to say. His moral compass was being challenged and he didn’t know whether the whole thing was right or wrong.

1. It was Max’s idea to take the break.

2. The relationship was already running its course (Due to mainly Max’s fault).

3. Max cheated on you too.

He explained to Charles that it wasn’t right to take his chance with you right after taking a break knowing you were vulnerable and just needed a friend, however, technically speaking he did nothing wrong. Charles definitely needed to talk to you and figure out what exactly was going on and what the both of you intended to do. He had an entire speech prepared. He wanted to ask you if you’d consider pursing a relationship with him. He understood that it’ll definitely cause a scandal and he planned to assure you he could take it as slow as you wanted to. He wanted to tell you he didn’t see you as just ‘a hook up’. He wanted a deep and meaningful relationship with you, if you’d let him attain one.

However, his speech was forgotten and completely eradicated from his brain when he saw you. You wore a simple outfit. A graphic t-shirt with jeans. Yet, you still knocked the breath out of him.

For a moment he didn’t know what to say. “Hey.”

You awkwardly smile. Your anxiety was booming and him looking so gorgeous did not help you. You had already mentally prepared yourself for rejection.

“Hi.”

You let him in and the both of you begin walking towards the couch in the living room. Awkward silent moments pass. Still, no one had said anything and the both of you stayed staring at each other.

“H-“

“Y-”

You cut each other off.

“You go first.”

“No, sorry you go first.” He says with his cheeks burning up.

“I understand if the other night was just something casual to you. And I’m sorry about the article.” You ramble. You didn’t mean to cause a scandal and make things messy for him. You hoped he didn’t hold anything against you.

“It wasn’t casual! Sorry. Sharing that night with you was so amazing. I want more of that. I know it’ll be extremely hard for you but, if you’d have me, I’d enjoy a serious relationship with you.” He quickly states, mentally cussing himself out for acting a fool.

His words take a few moments to process. You hadn’t considered the possibility that he’d want a relationship with you. Maybe it was because you had low-self worth but being in a public relationship with Charles scared you. His fan base was crazy.

The internet would have a field day if they had ever found out you have a relationship with Charles. They’d call you out kinds of names. Slut, whore, homie-hopper. You could see it clearly. “I don’t know if having a relationship would be the best idea. I don’t even know if I still have one. And besides the internet-”

“Forget about the internet. Do you want me?”

You answered within a flash, “Yes.”

“We shouldn’t let it the internet rule our lives. They won’t understand, but at least we’ll have each other.” He reaches towards your hands and holds them together, “Ma belle, I promise we can take it as slow as you need to.”

His eyes silently pleaded at you. He looked at you with his big brown eyes and long eyelashes. He was irresistible and oh-so-pretty. He acted as if he expected you to say no. How could you though? When he looked at you with longing and passion the way he was doing right now…it’d be hard to ever say no.

“Okay. But first I need to talk to Max. We never officially broke up.”

“Of course.” Before leaving, he pulls you in and leans forward. His lips feel soft against yours. A simple act of affection is so tempting and before the kiss is deepened, he pulls away and leaves your flat.

You knew what you had to do now. You dreaded every second of it but you texted Max.

vroom vroom

come over, we need to talk.

I’ll be there in a couple minutes

read 2:03 pm

It didn’t take long for the door to your pad ring. Each step you took as you walked closer and closer made you feel extremely uneasy. The door knob felt sticky against your sweaty hands.

Max stood in front of you with a bouquet of flowers. Without asking, he let himself in (a perfect reminder that he’s been here plenty of times before and this might as well been his second home).

“These are for you. I decided to forgive you and move on. Look, we can just forget this ever happened.” He handed the bouquet of flowers to you. You stood confused, yet you quickly became agitated the moment his words process.

“You forgive me?” You questioned, daring him to elaborate.

“Are you serious right now- look, I didn’t come here to fight. Baby, I don’t want our relationship to end. Don’t end this because of one mistake you did.” He says in a condescending tone.

The nerve of him. There’s no possible way he believes he’s still in the right. For fucks sake, he still has a hickey from another woman on his neck yet he’s coming to you as if you were the one in the wrong.

“My mistake? Max you have a fucking hickey from another woman on your neck. You don’t think this has anything to do with you?”

At this point, you were seriously debating throwing his shit-bouquet at him. He remained speechless, standing like a dumb ass waiting for another word to come out of your mouth. “You know what just leave. We’re done .” You angrily push him out and (gladly) shut the door.

You let out a huge sigh and ran both hands through your hair, frustrated as ever.

y/ninstagramuser has unfollowed maxverstappen1

y/ninstagramuser has followed charles_leclerc

charles_leclerc has followed y/ninstagramuser

It was only half an hour you’ve unfollowed Max until you heard a notification from Charles. It was a link…to yet again another gossip article. You physically groaned and mentally prepared yourself to get bashed.

formulaonebestgossip

formulaonebestgossip: Has the beloved grid couple broke up? Evidence to back this claim up consists of the fact that Y/n had just recently unfollowed Max. No posts from either party has been released confirmed this.

↳ user288 highly doubt this lol

↳ redbulll24 prolly was an accident since he still follows her🤷‍♀️

↳ user444 wait, does anybody know if Y/n followed Charles before this? I just checked and they’re both following each other 🌚

replying to user444 I think so? I’m not sure tbh but it doesn’t make sense why she would follow him after all this time

replying to user444 she definitely didn’t, I remember cause I used to stalk her followers all the time

8,600 comments 20.6k likes

3 familiar bubble dots popped up on your chat with Charles. After what seemed like a minute or so, they disappeared. Then, they came back.

charles🫠

did you break up with him?

yeah, he says he still wants to work things out though.

…do you want to?

Nope.

Good.

I want to take you out.

what if someone sees us?

If that’s something you’re worried about, I can work around that. I told you, the other night wasn’t just causal.

Okay then. I’d love to go out with you☺️

I’ll send you the details ❤️

seen 12:04 pm

Suddenly, you were in high school all over again having a schoolgirl crush. It didn’t take long for Charles to let you know the time he would pick you up tomorrow. You were excited and weirdly intrigued. What type of date could either of you go on where the public wouldn’t see you?

max v.

why’d you unfollow me?

because we’re not dating anymore ??

we’re not done. I’ll have you again, for sure. 😴

what the hell weirdo. don’t make me block you.

seen 12:26 pm

Without thinking of how Charles would feel, you took a screenshot and sent it to him. Within seconds, Charles replied.

Charles🫠

I’ll make you forget him tomorrow, don’t worry sweetheart.

oh yeah? how so?

First, I’d fuck you dumb on my private jet we’re taking tomorrow. No one else would be around, so it’d be just the two of us. Then, we’ll look through online lingerie shops together while you’re sitting on my lap as I picture you wearing them. I’ll make sure you always have something pretty. Maybe I’ll even get you some nice Versace heels for funsies. By the end of the day, you’ll probably memorize my bank digits. Not that I mind, as long as I get to see you wear the stuff you’ve bought.

are you alone?

why, are you touching yourself?

can you answer my question first?

Yes, im alone. Now you answer mine.

Of course I am. I feel like you say the right words to get me going on purpose.

No, it wasn’t on purpose. How was I supposed to know you were that needy?

I’m sorry

Don’t be sorry, I love when your needy for me baby. Tell me how your touching yourself.

I have my fingers in my shorts. They don’t feel as good as you though. My body misses you.

I bet it does. Don’t worry though, I’ll see you tomorrow princess. Can you insert a finger into yourself?

I did it. I wish it was you instead :(

Don’t be sad, ma belle. Just keep touching yourself.

I’m close Charles. I wish you were here.

keep touching yourself sweetie.

I didn’t come. Max texted me.

Can you block him for me, cheríe? With the cherry on top.

Of course, anything for you.

Thank you 💗. I have to go but I’ll talk to you soon.

liked message

You felt as if you’d been robbed from you high. The pleasure you’ve felt until the moment Max texted you was something you’ve never experienced by just merely looking at words on a screen.

Max was still ‘asking’ to start over. Yet, it was something about the way he said it that proved he still truly didn’t think he did nothing wrong. He pointed the faults at you and hasn’t realized his own mistakes in the process. This had got you second guessing. What if you really were the one in the wrong? You quickly shook the thought away and scrolled through Instagram.

Nothing interesting had happened today and so you took a small walk around your neighborhood before returning back, sweaty and tired. When you arrived to your door, a large bouquet of flowers sat in the door step. It didn’t take much to figure out they were from Max. You like being gifted things. Receiving gifts was your gift language, something you’ve told Max plenty of times, yet only now he’s doing the gifting. You ponder for a moment. Maybe it was because of how pretty the flowers were that you began to second guess yourself. You looked at the pink wrapping and the white roses decorated with golden butterflies and fairy lights. You wondered if you’d been to hard on Max.

You tossed the flowers onto your couch, not caring about the fragility of them. The rest of the day had been spent with updates from Charles, who had been attending formula 1 meetings all day long. Once night came, you texted your good nights to each other and went to bed.

It didn’t take long for the sun to rise and finches to start singing. The color of the sky had been a beautiful light blue color with cotton candy shaped clouds. You got up and splashed water on your face and rubbed your inner eye boogers away. The time read 11:49 am as you checked your phone. No new notifications other than Charles good morning text had been sent to you, sadly. It’s your own fault for having no social life.

Since Charles was meant to pick you up at 1:30, you had a decent amount of time to get ready. You picked a white summer dress with spaghetti straps and floral prints. It reached towards your mid thigh, enough to be slightly scandalous yet still long enough to remain a proper dress for any occasion. For jewelry, you opted to a small pearl necklace and shiny small earrings. The shoes you were white platform 3 inch heels with a cute lace ankle buckle strap. After putting on light make up, it was 10 minutes until 1:30 and someone knocked on your door.

You fully expected it to be Charles, until it wasn’t. Max was standing in front of your door once again with a plain light blue button up and navy jeans.

“Where are you going looking so pretty?” Max stares at your body with intent as leaned against the door frame. A voice behind him spoke to him,

“She’s going with me.” Charles held a luxurious looking box and he pushed himself in front of Max and passed it to you.

Inside, there was about 50 small cut roses mixed in with a couple pink roses to make a heart effect. The black box had a bow around it. The brand was in another language you couldn’t pronounced in a gold and Italian style.

“These are beautiful, Charles.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek as Max had burned holes through his back.

“Those are okay. Where are mines though?” Max desperately looked through doorframe into the apartment.

“Somewhere on the couch. Probably dead by now.” You said, locking the door behind you and holding Charles hand. “We have somewhere to be, don’t we?”

He nods in agreement as you guys begin to walk away from Max who still stood in front of your apartment.

Click📸

The ride to the airport was talks about each others childhood and teenage years. His hand rested upon your thigh as he drove with his other arm. You’d found out Charles had 2 siblings. One older and another younger. He asked questions about, where you grew up, where your family’s from, and asked questions about your job. Your mother was a well-known model in the 80’s, so with the amount of traveling, you technically grew up everywhere. Naturally, you pursued a career in modeling. People loved you. Not because of your ‘beauty’ but many say it was the way you carried yourself and how you manipulated the energy around you to feel comforting and safe. Some called you a nepo baby, but really, that’s just what they want to believe. You believed modeling was made for you. You loved the sponsered gifts from extravagant brands, the free beauty products, the party invitations, traveling, but overall it was the way you felt on the runway that won your heart. Some may argue you were a little too materialistic, but if there’s no harm in it, what’s the problem? Max was sweet, most of the time, during your relationship. Though there was this one time, he ‘jokingly’ called you a gold digger. It was one of those phrases that just stuck with you for some reason. You didn’t believe it. You rarely asked for him to buy you stuff and so you were just confused, not offended. Besides, you had your own money. If there wasn’t a man to spoil yourself, you’d do it yourself. As you arrived to the port, Charles took a different entrance than the regular one. He pulled into a large lot with big green hangars in a row, each holding a different jet. There was only one jet outside the hangar. It was standard size yet smaller than the average public jet and by the looks of it ready to go on any command. Boarding the jet and taking off didn’t take long however the cocktails that you’ve both ordered did.

The attendee had finally returned with the cocktails and before drinking, you and Charles clinked your glasses. His hand rested on your thigh and you asked, “Where are we going?”

“Las Vegas. I was hoping you’d attend attend the gp there.” He said. He lightly traced circles around your thigh. You felt small shockwaves of electricity shooting towards your core. Even though he sat right next to you, you felt as if you were so far from each other.

“Don’t you think it’s too soon? The internet thinks Max and I only broke up barely a week ago.” You said, looking into his eyes while scanning his reaction.

“But…” his hand inches closer to your inner thighs, “I want to see you.” He quietly pleads into your ears as his hands travel further and further. There was an urge in your core begging him to go further, like it was thriving off his touch. His hands caress your inner thigh, squeezing them and teasingly brushing over your panties. One of his hands reach your head and pulls you in a breath taking kiss. It was deep and slow yet it was enough to get your heart beating like crazy. His other hand reached towards the inside of your dress, snapping the band of your panties against you in a teasing manner. He pulled away, grabbing your hand and lifting you from your seat towards his lap.

You sat on his lap, facing towards him while your legs were in an M position sticking out. Your heads clashed as your mouths merged together, intensifying the feeling in your crotch. His hands felt like fire as they traveled from your thighs to your waist. He ran them slowly up your waist during your kiss and then slightly pushes you further down his lap, letting you feel his hard-on. You feel your core soaking up and you find yourself wishing you were doing more than tongue kissing. Not breaking from the kiss, you grind down on him and as a result a soft groan left his mouth. “You drive me so crazy.” He whimpers, eyes never leaving you.

“I sure hope so.” You tell him, hands trailing down his chest down towards his crotch. He looks at you daringly, gasping when you cup his clothed crotch and slowly pull down the zipper to his pants. You take his member out, admiring the beauty that laid in front of you. His pink almost red tip with pre-cum sliding down looked so perfect in your hands. You slowly massage him up and down. He tilts his hand back and lets out a pornagraphic moan.

You suddenly let go of his shaft to turn around. With your back facing his face, you pulled down your panties and raised your pretty summer dress, flashing your ass for just a moment before aligning yourself to him. You sit down on him and instinctively the both of you let out noises of pleasure. You feel him slowly filling you up more and more until you finally sink down all the way. You begin to grind forward before you sharply get pushed back down.

“Stay still.” Charles warns you. “Let’s get you a new wardrobe.” You confusedly wait for Charles to pull out his laptop and place it in the movable table in front of you guys. He types in his passcode and searches up, ‘Victoria Secret’.

“Each set you get, you’re allowed to move once.” He whispers to your ear then pulled the computer closer towards you.

“But I want to move already.” You begged and whined.

“Then start shopping, baby.”

You scrolled down the page, quickly browsing to add the first thing you see into your cart. The first set was a light red pretty coquette set. The bra had beautiful lace designs with a tiny bow in the middle of your breasts.

“Wouldn’t you look so pretty in that?” He says, trapping your hips and grinding on his dick, finally creating some sort of friction for you. You were craving more movement by the second and so you glued your eyes to the screen.

The next set was a navy blue set that had a strap design around your hips. As you were about to add it to your cart Charles stops you, “You’d look absolutely beautiful in this but, I don’t like the color blue.”

You whined but continued scrolling until you found a maroon 3-piece lingerie set. It had heart shaped garters around the thighs and another connecting to your stomach with the ring of the garter stopping in the middle of your stomach, where your belly button was at. Charles had hummed in approval and moved your hips up and down with his hands stuck on your waist.

This had gone for what you thought was eternity. At the end there were 17 sets of lingerie in Charles cart which he had pay for (happily). The sets ranged from dark to light shades of red with the occasional pastel purple sets. It got to a point where you got so desperate that you outsmarted his game. You filtered the results the block all blue sets and after you started spam pressing ‘add to cart’.

After your post-orgasm bliss wore off, you had excused yourself to the restroom and roughly cleaned yourself up. You returned from the restroom and sat in your original seat next to Charles. He took your hand and entwined it with his. He rubbed circles around your hand before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. It didn’t take very much for the two of your to fall asleep, hands still entwined lovingly.

Charles had woken up groggily and let go of your hand to rub his eyes. He looked out his window seat into the dark sky and reached into his pocket for his phone. He grabbed it, only to find out it was yours. Yet something had caught his eyes. You had a message from a random number.

1+400-765-3479

Unblock me, Y/n.

He wasn’t sure who this was at first, then something in his brain clicked. He needed to be sure, though.

who’s this?

Max.

Charles had physically laughed. A little part of him wanted to show his claim on you yet there was still a rational part in him begging him not to be messy. Except, Charles is a messy person. Without a blink, he grabbed your hand and entwined it with his. He took your phone, took a picture, and sent the photo to Max. Max left him on read for the remainder of the flight.

A firm hand on your shoulder shook you awake. You learned outwards to the window and saw a bright blue sky then you looked to the right and saw Charles smiling at you.

“Morning, cheríe. We’ve landed, let’s go.” He said, gathering his carry on bag. You gathered all strength to get up and walk down the hoarding stairs. You felt a pit of hunger dwelling in your stomach and you suddenly wished you had ate before the flight.

“I have a special day for us. We’re going to this beautiful private beach and I’ve had someone set up a small picnic for us. You’ll like the beach, it’s beautiful.” He says, holding your hand down the stairs. His infamous ferrari was only a couple meters away.

“How come we didn’t come in that car on the way here?” You asked, curiously.

“Well, I had to ship it out here so I sent it out earlier than when we left. That’s why.”

You let out an ‘oh’ as he opened the door to the passenger side for you. He gets in his seat, turning on the roaring engine and drives out of the port. As always, his hand rests on your thigh rubbing circles into your skin. A sudden realization hits you.

“I didn’t pack any clothes.” You say, looking at him in disbelief.

“I didn’t either. We’ll hit the mall after we get to the beach.” He says, unworried.

The drive towards the beach was fairly quick. You figured it was because the port was close to the ocean. He pulled into what looked like a cliff only to surprise you by stepping off the cliff into well hidden stairs. The stairs were narrow and so he reached backwards to guide your hand down and ensure your safety. The stairs were long and risky yet you made it down with no issues. At the bottom, there was a small booth with a worker in it, giving a small nod towards Charles. Charles continues guiding you into the sand and he leads you to a gorgeous picnic set up. There was a white blanket across the sand with pillows placed elegantly in front of a white small table.

The table was placed under the shade of a white with hints of beige umbrella. China plates were set on the table with napkins on top of them shaped in elaborate designs. There was 2 fairly large wooden basket and a glass of wine next to it.

“How did you set this up?” You asked, walking around the beautiful set up. He sat down and you mimicked his actions.

“My brother’s in the country. I paid him to do it. I thought he would’ve just did something simple but he impressed me.” He reached towards the wooden basket. “Let’s see what he chose for our lunch.”

Inside the first basket, there were endless fruits such as watermelon, grapes, cherries, dragon fruit, and pineapple. Two silver sporks were set in the side of the basket along with extra sets of napkins. In the other basket there was plenty ingredients for a do-your-own sub. Two butter knives were also included. One to spread the mayo and another to cut the 2 medium sized baguettes.

The two of you began making your own, adding the right ingredients to satisfy your taste buds. You munched on your subway sandwiches until they finished, then the two of you fixed yourselves a plate of fruits. A comfortable silence was shared between the two of you as you took in the view in front of you.

Charles had pulled out 2 wine glasses and opened the wine bottle letting out a loud ‘pop’. The red liquid poured beautifully into the glass cups. Within moments, the two of you clinked your glasses and drank the liquid. You ached to be closer to Charles and so you moved yourself to his side. He wrapped of his arms around you and continued sipping the wine with the other.

“This is beautiful, Charles.” You murmur softly. He holds you tighter in response.

“You know I really like you?” He says, while staring off into the ocean. His eyes move to you only to find you already staring at him.

“I really like you too.”

He places a kiss on your head. “I hope one day we can walk through the entrance of the paddock holding hands in front of everyone.”

Your heart warms up. You’ve never felt happier than you do right now and you find yourself hoping that maybe, just maybe, you’ll be able to maintain this happiness forever.

[hwnglx]

Hey im actually curious if you can rate it from 1-10 how much is possessive and jealous enhypen members?

so i already described the way they'd act when they're jealous here, but i'll rank them and give you some additional thoughts i've gathered recently.. since that post is a few months old 🖤

mtl possessive and jealous enhypen member

this is all just according to tarot and my observations.. pls take it lighty! ᰔᩚ

#1 jake 9.7/10 so.. i kept on debating between him and sunghoon. however, the reason i put jake as no 1, is because he's a lover who's likely to be more emotionally attached to his s/o. in addition to that, his mars is in nonconfrontational libra. this can make him much more passive-aggressive, he won't enjoy openly displaying his jealous nature and will struggle being direct about it. he's someone who will just hold long grudges (scorpios and their lifetime lasting grudges 🥹), find ways to pay you back by making you jealous too.. it's all a bit more dramatic and complicated for him. but it's neck on neck between him and hoon.

#2 sunghoon 9.6/10 the more i read on sunghoon, the more shocked i get about his intensity in love. he's a member who can get much more scary in relationships, since there is such a gap between him as a person and as a lover. he seems to be a big push and pull lover, someone who might give off the first impression of a pretty free-spirited and light-hearted guy.. but boom have him spot his s/o with some other male figure, the man's eyes will turn dark. his energy is pretty heavy whenever i do love readings for him, meanwhile in other readings it can be pretty comfortable.

#3 jay 9.3/10 jay is definitely incredibly possessive. he's someone who holds a lot of responsibility over keeping his loved ones safe and sound, he's very very protective and territorial. his ideal scenario is for you to never leave his side, so that there isn't even the possibility for you to get hurt or be treated badly. this deep desire to never let you go anywhere can definitely express itself in an overly possessive manner.

#4 jungwon 6/10 so, jungwon isn't really the easily jealous or overly possessive type, but he'll feel pretty let down if you manage to get him to that place. i've known a guy with very similar placements to him (aqua ☼ virgo ☾ aries ♀), and he's very easygoing and accepting in general.. however, in love he's immensely passionate. jungwon gives me that same vibe, he's someone who's quite picky and has high standards. so if you manage to date him, he'll expect you to be "all in" and just as dedicated to him as well.

#5 sunoo 5/10 sunoo is a gemini venus.. he isn't really someone who gets jealous a lot, since he usually doesn't take love or relationships seriously enough. but, i remember reading for him, and seeing that he can actually get pretty hurt about people betraying him. i think he kinda stands in his own way by seeming so blasé and unattached to people, when in reality there seems to be a deeply rooted desire to make more meaningful connections, and not just run away from them. i do believe he just needs to mature a little more in order to realize and embrace that.

#6 heeseung 4.5/10 so, heeseung is a very understanding and patient lover. he's someone who's willing, even eager, to put in the work needed to improve his relationships. even when obstacles arise, he isn't really the type to get discouraged or overly emotional about it right away. let's say he caught you texting some other guy.. rather than getting all jealous and vengeful, it's likely he'll just calmly ask you about it without jumping to any conclusions. however, one of his problems in love, can often be the high standards he has for himself. he can be prone to immediately look back on himself, in a more negative manner and blame himself for not having done enough to keep you happy enough. like every problem somehow goes back to him, in heeseung's eyes.

[radiant-reid]

HEYY! can you please do a blurb on spencer telling his gf about the lila thing and down playijg it how you say in the post but then she hears the truth from someone else

Spencer’s dreading tell you what happened in LA.

It’ll break your heart, and although he would prefer he’s the one hurting, it’ll break his heart as well. It’s not going to be good. No, it’s going to be a hurtful conversation that will leave nothing but negative feelings and as he’s waking to your door, he wishes it were a conversation he didn’t need to have.

You look and sound so happy jumping up to greet him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling his body into yours. It’s been a while since you’ve seen him, the profiling seminar being extended for a serial killer hunt- so his texts told you.

“Hi, sweetheart.” He greets you, wishing he could relax in the warmth that being with you brings. He really wants to, but he doesn’t allow himself to. Not when he doesn’t deserve it.

“How was your case?” You ask, pulling him through your apartment to your living room.

Spencer bites down on his bottom lip, knowing it’s now or never, except it can’t be never. “I was playing bodyguard and I got dragged into a pool and kissed.”

Your mouth falls open, heart plummeting straight down and preparing to shatter against concrete. “What?” You ask breathlessly.

“She kissed me.” He repeats, forcing himself to look at your tears. He needs to see them as his own form of punishment, although it will never be enough. He keeps talking before you can make any move to get him away from you. “I pushed her off, Y/n, I swear. It was one kiss and then I told her I had a girlfriend and even if I didn’t, I would never go there since she’s part of our case.” He claims.

There’s too many negative thoughts running through your head for one not to slip out. “Is she pretty?”

You’re breaking his heart just sitting there looking like you think you’re not enough, but he knows you're not going to accept him hugging you.

"Y/n, it meant nothing." He promises from so deep in his heart that you believe it. "You're all I was thinking about. I love you and I think you're the most beautiful person in the world." He knows he shouldn't say something so meaningful to get you to forgive him.

Spencer's been nothing but good to you since you met, and you can't lose that, not when you've never had that before and doubt you will again.

"It didn't mean anything?" You doubt check.

"Absolutely nothing." He promises, finally taking your hand. "It was one kiss, and I pushed her away."

You don't see it, the way he twitches slightly as he pulls you into a hug and the deep breath he takes when he realizes the lie has worked.

"I really missed you." You tell him, moving closer to him.

He reciprocates your physical affection, holding you as tightly as he wanted to on the jet home knowing you might break up with him. "I really missed you more."

He feels like dirt for it, so guilty that he barely sleeps that night.

It gets easier. The lie is never too far from the front of his mind, but after that night he realized he couldn't tell you the truth ever.

You barely think about it again. Spencer's lips become exclusively yours and it feels like nothing has changed. He's just your caring, wonderful boyfriend again.

In fact, the first time you've thought about it in a month is when Elle mentions it on a night out. "So, you and Reid are you?" She asks.

"Yeah." You say, slightly confused like the answer should be obvious.

"I hate to bring it up, but you know I'll smack him if you need me to." She assures you, and you nod, wanting her to continue as the sense that you're missing something strikes you. "He's an idiot, seriously. Making out with Lila in her pool was the dumbest thing I've seen him do."

Your heart drops again like it did that night, clenching in your chest, but you have to push her to keep going or you might never know. "Was it more than a casual kiss? Tell me the truth."

She cringes at your paled face but figures she would want to know, so she answers honestly. "Yes, multiple, and they weren't pecks."

"I need to go and talk to him." You realize, standing up and looking for him at the bar before turning back to her. "Thank you."

He greets you happily, blissfully unaware of how you're feeling- for now. "Hey, Y/n, what's up?"

"We're going." You announce, not caring about if it's rude to pull him away from his friends.

He frowns at you, trying to figure out what you're thinking. Whatever it is, it's not good, but his brain doesn't jump to his damaging lie.

Morgan thinks it's something else, patting Spencer on the back. "Ooo, someone's getting some tonight."

You don't look at him as you drag him out of the bar, anger covering your upset. It's colder outside, and he goes to hand you his jacket when you angrily spin around to face him.

"What's wrong?" He wonders carefully.

"You lied to me." You accuse him, but it still doesn't stick. "You told me it was one kiss!" Oh. He gets it then, the realization and accusation hitting him forcefully. "I actually can't believe you. You swore- promised- it was one kiss that you rejected, not a long make-out session. How could you lie to me like that?" You don't give him time to answer. "Were you just going to go on lying to me forever?"

"It was a mistake." He assures you, not comforting you at all.

You shake your head, not wanting to hear another excuse that you can't trust. "Your lying was intentional." You remind him firmly. "How would I ever trust you again?"

[khaossx4]

★ 𝐢 𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞. 𝐰𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐫. 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫. 𝐢 𝐮𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮. 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐧𝐨𝐰, 𝐢’𝐦 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐬𝐨 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞. 𝐢’𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐡𝐨 𝐢 𝐧𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐤𝐧𝐞𝐰 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞. ★

[garden-bug]

Avatar doesn’t need a live action, neither does HOW TO TRAJN YOUR DRAGOK WJAT TJE FUCK-

The way I think about it is this: If a live action cannot improve, expand on, make more accessible, and/or complement the original animated version, it’s not necessary. If after watching the live action you STILL hold the original version in higher regard, the show didn’t need a live action. What will it bring to the story other than more money for a greedy corporation? Ok yes it might be nice to see a show you like in a different medium, but do we live in a bubble? Do we indulge and overindulge in the same stories over and over and over and never see anything original or unique or… risky?

Because I don’t know about you guys but I’ve been noticing a lot of live action remakes recently. And movies that don’t take many risks. And Star Wars.

Consider One Piece, which I think is a brilliant example of a live action doing everything it should do. Heck it made my mum love One Piece but she would NEVER watch the original anime; the anime is flawed, pandering, misogynistic (yes it’s one of the better shōnen anime for this, I know) in it’s objectification of women, ridiculous to the point that it only appeals to… anime fans, what more need I say? Whereas the live action is fun, goofy, touching and meaningful, boasts a huge pacing improvement and is accessible to a much wider audience to a far greater effect than a live action of the other two will achieve. It complements the original and even excels in many aspects.

Avatar and HTTYD function perfectly in their original medium. God I can’t stand that they’re being remade. WHY? It’s like Frankenstein. Remaking and remaking and always ALWAYS missing the point of the original text. Humanity is doomed-

Sorry that got deep.

Like can we get an adaptation of the Stormlight Archive?

If you adore these two shows and are just excited about it I’m happy for you, live your life, etc. I just don’t share the sentiment and feel that it represents something wrong with our attitude to storytelling and medium (and capitalism. It’s capitalism, guys. Ursula K. Le Guin tried to warn us-)

As always feel free to interact with this post but keep it friendly and respectful. If you can’t do that then DNI.

[traumacatholic]

Finally kind of feel in a position where I can post this. I realise that my last post and long disappearance was probably of great concern to some people, and I am deeply sorry for any worry or pain that I've caused other people with that long disappearance. There was a lot going on in my life, including moving house. And I think the longer I took a break from Tumblr, the more daunting it came to come back. But the fact of the matter is, I've cried over this blog a lot. Or rather, I've cried over the followers of this blog and the people that have engaged with it. I have been dealing with a great sense of guilt. Guilt that I've let you guys down. Guilt that I've betrayed you in some way.

Something that always pained me, was the reality of my own struggle to access mental health support. It's an unfortunate reality, that no matter how many times we might work to raise awareness, and tackle stigma surrounding mental health (particularly complex mental health issues like OCD or PTSD or Schizophrenia, etc). That this doesn't do much to tackle the core issue that's the main struggle for people: accessible healthcare. Be that to do with any financial costs or lengthy waiting lists or other issues. There was a sense of deep guilt of encouraging people to seek help, whilst also being fully aware that they might be even more disheartened if they reached out for help and were unable to get anything substantial. I would never want to build someone's hopes up in order to then shatter them. I've experienced it all too much with trying to access support on my own.

I also felt really guilty running this blog when I was struggling with Church attendance. It felt like I was lying about my piety, to people that were desperately trying to fight to be able to attend their Church and to be a part of Church life. I'm in a city now, and I've started attending Church regularly. I've been trying to get into the practice of daily prayer, and the daily readings of theological texts alongside Scripture. Some days are better than others, but then I guess that's always going to be the case. Something that was really deeply meaningful to me during RCIA was being told that conversion to the faith wasn't a one and done thing. Each day, we are constantly converting back. We are constantly returning to God and being renewed in our relationship with God, no matter how far we stumble or what kind of problems we stumble into - willing and unwillingly.

And this is where it gets, I guess, the scariest. I've been dealing a lot with anxieties and doubts surrounding my faith. Not in the, "Hey guys sorry I've taken a break and became atheist" kind of way. But I've been feeling a strong pull towards Orthodox Christianity. And the Church I've been attending, has been an Orthodox one. I don't know. It feels weird to type that one out. It felt so weird to call myself Catholic for a long time. And then I became so happy of the title, and I loved the faith. I still do, love Catholicism. But I think this is something I need to explore. I've been feeling the draw to Orthodoxy for a long time, and I always kept pushing it away. But I think the only real way I can really address it, is by actually giving it a fair chance and exploration.

I don't know what I'll do with this blog. I don't intend to delete it - I think there are still people that can find help and comfort from the prayers that I've posted. I do have a new Tumblr, where I post excerpts from Orthodox texts I've been reading. I do still feel really strongly about helping people struggling with mental and physical health issues, trauma survivors etc. I care intensely about that work. And it's why this post pains me so much. I still want to be able to give you guys help, you can always send a message over to my new blog @orthodoxadventure if you're in need of any prayers or advice surrounding mental health/trauma etc (also despite the circumstances, I did go through RCIA, and if anyone has any questions surrounding it, I'll try my best to answer) , and I think I'm going to make it a habit to check the blog here.

I'm deeply sorry to anyone that I've hurt by doing this. I would really appreciate your prayers. None of this is, particularly easy. I feel like I've let down and hurt so many people. But I also knew that the more I tried to resist the interest of Orthodoxy, the more I felt that I was letting myself down and letting my relationship with God down. Maybe in some time, I will return to Catholicism, much more content and happy and more knowledgeable in that choice. Maybe I will go further down the path to the Orthodox Church. But I knew I couldn't just feel like I was sitting on the fence any longer. I hope that you will be able to forgive me for this, and I intend to keep you all in my prayers.

[thatswhatsushesaid]

do you think NHS will ever be satisfied with the way things have turned out in the end? or is he already? I've seen polar opinions on this one and honestly can't decide which one I like more

oooh, what crunchy questions, anon.

short answer: I think he thinks he's satisfied.

the tl;dr answer: I don't think it's possible for us to know with any degree of certainty how nhs feels about anything post-canon, because the text gives us almost no insight into his interiority outside of wwx's speculation in the aftermath of the guanyin temple sequence. but I think we can make some educated guesses based on what we do know about his character.

rather than just rewrite stuff I've already written on this subject before, I'll drop some links to previous posts that I think are relevant to your ask:

nhs took so long to enact his revenge quest because he could not make up his mind about what he wanted to do. also this one, which includes discussion of his cql performance as well. indecisiveness is as core to nhs's character as his desire for vengeance, and I think that extends to his feelings about his situation post-canon, too.

this is definitely more within the realm of headcanon and speculation but I went deep on this the magnus archives-mdzs fusion reblog speculating on why I think nhs would be an avatar of the hunt, and a big thing about the hunt is that once the hunt is over, the hunters... don't really know what to do with themselves. womp womp.

now on to the point I don't think I've spilt much digital ink on yet:

nhs is, and always has been, a people person. this is extremely obvious when you dip back into the gusu lan summer camp for wayward young cultivators chapters, where nhs is at his most effervescent when he is bopping around the cloud recesses as wwx and jc's bubbly tag-along, lamenting how much lwj and lqr clearly hate wwx while cheerfully offering to give wwx more porn to make up for what he's lost. (it was nhs's porn, too! he'd be justified in being a bit cheesed off about it, but he really isn't!) if he sees a didi-shaped hole in a prospective friends' group, he sees an opportunity to make himself lovably indispensable as the court appointed littlest brother no one asked for, and quite frankly who could blame him? he loves to be spoiled and doted on, but imo there's some clear self-awareness and reciprocity at work in these dynamics that goes beyond a desire just to be pampered and looked after. I suppose an uncharitable read on teen!nhs would be that he's lazy and manipulative and finds easy marks to do the heavy lifting for him so he can sleep and paint and catch birds for his private collection, but tbh I think that interpretation does his character dirty. most people who end up spoiling and doting on nhs in the text are clearly happy to do so and seem to get something out of making life easier for this charmingly incompetent dandy. good for him--and for them!

...and then, post-canon, he is a people person without any people around him. sure, we can presume the existence of some unnamed nie sect subordinates who are stuck dealing with a sect leader who allowed his sect to languish and decline in the years after nmj's death, but I think if any of those unnamed subordinates were inclined to be people nhs could rely on to fill the 3zun and/or wwx and jc-shaped voids in his life, we'd at least know their names. I think it is telling that we don't, and that the last meaningful interaction we see between nhs and the characters who used to be his closest friends in the text amounts to an interrogation. whatever affection wwx used to feel for nhs has clearly withered on the vine and has been replaced by mistrust and suspicion--to say nothing of lxc's dead-eyed silence as soon as he begins to put the pieces together.

also: the last glimpse we get of nhs in the text before he disappears from the story altogether is him picking up jgy's hat and walking off with it. why does he do this? why is this the very last thing we see him do in the story? there are a few different possibilities:

"he's taking the hat to keep as a trophy!" I mean. maybe? I suppose I can't entirely rule out this possibility, but it is the least interesting one to me because it glosses over the complexity of nhs's pre-existing relationship to jgy.

"nhs doesn't know why he picks up the hat and takes it with him. he just does it." this is the idea I vibe with the most because it is most consistent with my read on his character--namely that he is never 100% sure about anything (except what qualifies as good erotica). but I think the part of him that still cares about jgy (it's there! it's tiny and shrivelled and warped by his transformation into the wuxia version of montresor, but it's still there) does not want to see his hat abandoned in the mud and dirt, and also does not want to interrogate his feelings about why he feels that way that closely.

"nhs can't abide littering! he's doing his part to keep the city streets clean." doubt.jpeg

[relatetonothing]

[mdzs] In depth analysis of Lan Xichen’s name

It’s been 2.5 years since my last MDZS name analysis(!!), and since then I’ve gotten so many requests from the fandom wanting to see more. So here’s to everyone who have enjoyed reading my posts so far - today I’ll be diving into Lan Xichen’s name. Sit back as this is an interesting one!

Lan Xichen is his zi ,or courtesy name, which means ‘chancellor of the morning sunlight’ (Xi 曦 - morning sunlight; Chen 臣- chancellor, minister).

It derives from the poem ‘Xian Qing Fu’ 《闲情赋》 (Ode to a Quiet Life) by Eastern Jin dynasty recluse poet Tao Yuan Ming 陶渊明. Tao is remembered for his appreciation of beauty and serenity of the natural world around him, often admiring the good of others and documenting his wishes for a peaceful and fair society. (NB: The majority of Chinese people would know of the phrase ‘世外桃源’ - Xanadu / fantastical place of great idyllic magnificence and beauty, which originated from him.) This particular poem is a long study on the beauty and virtues of an idealised woman, and is known today as one of the most iconic bodies of work celebrating a woman’s true inner qualities. “悲晨曦之易夕，感人生之长勤” (bēi chén xī zhī yì xī, gǎn rén shēng zhī cháng qín), translates figuratively to ‘it is regrettable that the light of this morning will soon be replaced by the dark night, reminding people that life is filled with endless fatigue.’

One can’t help but draw parallels to Xichen’s life - he was always a noble figure, approached people with sincerity, treated everyone with an equal level of respect and believed deeply in those he stayed close to. But life could not always pay back what he gave to others, as he learnt of his trusted friend Jin Guangyao’s corrupt ways and betrayal - the light that was replaced by darkness.

I find it fascinating how poet Tao’s perspective of the world is so similar to Xichen’s. Tao is known for spending much of his life in reclusion, living in the countryside, receiving only a few guests he had a strong bond with, reading and indulging in his love for poetry. As a talented and knowledgeable man, he spent a decade of his life as a politician - but soon lost faith in a system that was characterised by nepotism, violence, corruption and civil disorder. Torn between ambition and the desire to retreat into solitude, he chose the latter. I wonder if MXTX drew inspiration from this, as Xichen also began as a leader in the cultivators’ world, is a huge lover and collector of literature, and after all the turmoil also decided to withdraw into reclusion.

Xichen’s birth name is 涣 (Huàn), which has two main meanings: 1) ‘melting of snow’; 2) ‘water dispersing in all directions’. His title is 泽芜君 (zé wú jūn), which literally means ‘nourisher of barren lands’ (泽润 - to nourish, bestow; 平芜 - land overgrown with weeds). Combining the two, we can understand his name to mean ‘water disperses in all directions, nourishing everything it touches’. 泽 in Chinese is used specifically to describe bestowing something deep, long-lasting and meaningful (as supposed a one time gift/favour - which would be 惠). In the book, MXTX also describes him as “清煦温雅，款款温柔” (meaning ‘warm, gracious and elegant, gentle in all aspects’). Clearly, his name highlights the grace and kindness he radiates and bestows on everyone around him. He is the keeper of peace and righteousness.

Bonus:

Note that the word Huan 涣 has a water particle, similar to his brother Lan Wangji’s birth name Zhan 湛 - it brings to mind the ‘Twin Jades of Lan’ title for the brothers, with a water element - like Pisces.

Interestingly, in ‘I Ching’ or ‘Book of Changes’, the ancient Chinese divination text which contains of 64 hexagrams, there is a 涣 hexagram:

Again, it represents how gentleness can summon greatness. I copy the below from iching-online.com:

In simple terms, it symbolises water that washes away dirt and baptises new life within oneself. And the aftermath is precisely Zhan 湛 in his brother’s name, meaning crystal clear water.

Other name analyses:

Wei Wuxian

Lan Wangji

Jiang Wanyin

Lan Sizhui

[bewareblaire]

Addict. Yan Todoroki Shoto x Reader

a/n: if you’ve seen this post before, no you didn’t. (my life’s been a total trainwreck, okay? mental health went down the drain, deleted account, but now i’m back.)

cw: toxic relationships and behaviours, obsessive and possessiveness, clingy behaviour.

It had been a few days since Todoroki had seen them last. Of course, the two were still speaking- but with his internship, Todoroki had gotten busy. Sparse messages in between breaks, with little to no time to engage in deep and meaningful conversations.

Todoroki couldn't handle being thrown into the deep end. He missed his darling, craving their touch. Suddenly going from hourly texting, calling, and physically being in their presence to nothing. At first, Todoroki was glued to his phone, waiting for a specific notification sound to go off. The need to hold them in his arms grew with intensity until it was all he could think about. How were they fairing? What were they doing right now? Were they thinking of him?

He had to put his phone away when his father had threatened to take it away. Hiding his panic and growing disdain for his father. How dare he threaten to take away his only mode of communication? Todoroki didn't rest on it, clamming up and focusing on his duties. He could spare a few messages to his beloved, wishing them goodnight, greeting them in the morning. There were rare instances where Todoroki could message them during the day.

The dual-haired boy wanted this entire internship to be over and done with. He felt as if he was going through withdrawals! Perhaps he was addicted to them. Todoroki couldn't sleep much, and when he did, it wasn't good sleep. Anxious thoughts bubbled up in his mind, worrying about them. Were they okay? Did they get hurt? He wouldn't be there to protect them if he were here. 

Todoroki got irritable easier, giving his father the cold shoulder. It wasn't anything new, although it was particularly harsh. He craved holding them in his arms, being in their company once more. It ate at him, building up and plaguing his mind. At times, it was the only thing he could think about. It certainly got in the way of interning, asking his father to repeat things and missing cues.

When he fought the Hero Killer, he had sent a message to his darling explaining what had happened. Todoroki would be lying if he said he didn't like the attention he received afterwards. They had rushed to the hospital, near tears. It almost broke his heart, seeing that expression on their face. That he caused it. On the flip side, they cared about him and were worried sick about him. He knew because they told him as much.

Their hugs were always warm, their embrace soft. Even as their body shook with sobs, babbling about how Todoroki isn't allowed to do that ever again. The hug wasn't broken for a while, the two staying in that position until the other calmed down. Todoroki could've sworn he was in heaven. His heart hammered against his chest as if it were trying to get out of his ribcage. They cared about him, worried for him. He was addicted to them, in the purest way. Akin to a drug addict, he'd be selfish. He'd hold them close and never let go. He'll never share- he won't let anyone see them.

[leota-nexus]

[SakuraBot Mode: ACTIVATED]

Crawling outta the rubble to post I think my first selfie on here? I actually exist! Or something!

I was trying on the bodysuit for a WIP cosplay, grabbed the skirt for a laugh, & completely stopped in my tracks because damn now that's a LOOK!! 💮🤖💖

...Alright I've been trying to edit this post down for a couple days because I don't want this to come off like an advertisement but I gotta be a heartfelt sap for a moment. It's my nature, can't help it. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♀️ Skirt review & personal ramblings under the cut:

Shoutout to @shopwitchvamp seriously. This skirt immediately replaced the cargo pants I've been living in the last few years. The fabric is so lovely & comfortable, the deep pockets are amazing, AND I can temperature-regulate in this crazy unpredictable weather!!! Hell yeah!

My partner got this skirt for me as a birthday gift because it reminds me of the digital sakuras in Night City that I keep using for virtual photoshoots but also in this Hot Topic Hello Kitty kinda way that just speaks to my millenial soul (🖤🎀🖤) I mean, obviously I'm in love with the design but the weight & texture & movement really made it an insta-fave in a very meaningful way for me.

And then I realized this is the first new piece of clothing I've owned since pre-pandemic. My body's changed so much that basically nothing fits. I had one pair of pants left that was at its limit and for years I've wore it like a uniform everytime I went outside with a baggy shirt to cover up. I got this skirt and suddenly I was styling outfits again, like wtf?!

So my partner & I realized how desperately our depressed neurodivergent asses needed:

new clothes that actually fit

with comfortable textures & fun patterns

that are actually functional & made to last

preferably from small businesses we respect

...And now we text each other about WV restocks lmao

The only problem is that because we couldn't afford anything from the Feb preorders, we figured we'd save up & see what came back in stock next month. Except it came in a month early. So LUCKILY we've already been saving up for this because now I'm waiting for my second skirt & partner's first joggers to be delivered today! And then they restocked more yesterday! And then they announced more restocks next week! Oof ouch our wallets but at least today's payday and now we actually have fun comfy clothes that fit to celebrate our 10 year anniversary together in a few months! 💕

Thank you, WitchVamp! We love you! Now if you'll excuse me I need to go sit by the front door like

"C'mon package... Maybe if I just... ~Booweeoop!~ No? Alright, check the tracking number..."