#definitely not projecting on Janus- /s

[forestfanders]

Roman would definitely be the first to go with depression. There was an idea a few years ago that depression would be the orange side.

Depression is not a side.

It is a force, creeping into the mind space, bubbling up in corners so quietly, that by the time they noticed it, it was already too late.

Creativity was the first to go. Hours sat twirling a pencil and staring into space, unheeding of where the time went. When Logan had gone to ask him why deadlines had not been made, Roman had just given him a dazed little smile, and promised him that he was working on it.

After a while, Logan stopped asking. Not because he knew there were no projects forthcoming, but because he too had started to lose track of time, the haze of depression leaving him blurred.

The infestation grew. The host in denial.

But that is not to say that all the sides were suppressed by the fog, no, Virgil was working overtime. Without Logan to reason through his anxieties, and Roman to produce the creativity that the host relied upon for self worth, there were a plethora of worries to be acknowledged, failures to be counted. And worry he did. The fog flowed in and he fought against it, even as his struggles caused the clouds to ooze out of his skin, for him to contribute directly to the thing he hated. They were the antithesis of each other: anxiety a desperate bid for safety in a frightening world, and depression the crushing urge to s t o p.

Remus, unsurprisingly, got louder too. He parroted Virgil's fears of abandonment and failure, but added a smattering of more graphic imagery of the results of those failures.

It was actually Janus who had kept them functioning till now. Little reassuring lines like 'one day past deadline is fine' and 'it's OK to skip showering for a few days' and ‘It's fine. You are not depressed. You have no reason, no excuse to be depressed '. The lines between truths and lies were blurred by the fog. It is sometimes difficult to realise that the causes of depression may not be something big and ‘worthy of sadness’, but rather the weeping wounds of a thousand tiny cuts.It is difficult to believe it is ok to take self-care days when anxiety is screaming that you are a failure, when your mind is filled with futures of loneliness and death of dreams.

Depression was not a side. It was a collection of all the things lost. Of apathy and emptiness. Of positive habits abandoned, and with them, self worth draining away. Depression was not a side, because its reach was all encompassing, its control complete.

And the fog rose and boiled over.

As far as each side reached, be they lethargic side or overactive side, they were alone, out of reach from the pieces that made them whole, lost in the fog that was depression

My hot take is that if Roman were to "duck out" the way Virgil did in Accepting Anxiety, the result would be something akin to clinical depression. Roman has always been more than Thomas's creativity, he's also Thomas's drive, his passion, his desire. The motivation and ability to make art, or work, or even build relationships. All of that is wrapped up in Roman.

Sure, there are other motivating factors as we've seen in the videos on the topic. Logan motivates with the knowledge that work puts food on the table, Virgil motivates through fear. But Roman is the only one who motivates through love and joy, through hopes and dreams. Because while Patton is driven by emotion, he's more impulsive, more driven by what will make Thomas feel good in the moment, as opposed to Roman who while fanciful and emotional, is ultimately driven by plans and goals for the future.

Therefore, without Roman, Thomas would have no drive. No passion. No desire to make or do anything beyond base necessities for staying alive. No ability to see past immediate survival or imagine a possible happier future. No hopes and dreams. No spark. I don't even think Virgil's strongest panic could override a complete lack of passion for anything. Thomas would feel anxious and awful, but he still wouldn't be able to do anything.

And that's basically what clinical depression is. It's not just being sad--it's being exhausted, and numb, and unable to get out of bed in the morning because you just don't care about anything anymore. It's not finding joy in the things you used to love the most. It's feeling paralyzed because there are so many things you should be doing or you want to do, but you simply can't. Depression is, at its core, a lack of passion, joy, and drive.

[mylittlespaceforwriting]

Little space Janus.. Regressing in the middle of an argument? Anyone as caregiver?

((I'm so sorry for how long it took me to write this! I'm always up for a bit of hurt/comfort :)

"Stop!"

"And if you would just listen, just once! Then maybe we wouldn't be here! But look at what happened!"

"Oh come on, like you're innocent! At least I don't project my issues onto others!"

"Oh, I know you didn't just try to pull that card!"

"Oh, I absolutely did! And let's not forget the whole 'hide Remus and Janus from the others' game!"

"Seriously? That again?!"

Janus couldn't really decipher who was saying what anymore. The conversation had started out like any other - curt smiles, civil phrases like 'how's your day', everyone pretending like they weren't not-so-secretly mad at each other. Then Virgil had found Remus's sock in the coffee grounds, Remus had vehemently denied that it was his ("It's covered in octopi and has a big red stain on it! Who else could it belong to?"). Remus mentioned that there were cobwebs on his ceiling that definitely hadn't been there the night before ("Your stupid spider probably went in there when I scared Roman in the Imagination! How else would they get there?").

From there, it had turned into insults. Insults turned into airing dirty laundry, and now the two were caught in a screaming match where they took out their frustrations on each other.

Normally, Janus would be fine with a situation like this. After all, he had his own feelings surrounding how Virgil and the others had treated him and Remus. But today it was too much. He'd had so much going on lately, what with talking more with Patton, Virgil drawing further and further away, and Roman outright refusing to even look at him now. None of that included his usual responsibilities of keeping Remus in check, making sure Virgil's worries did not send Thomas into an outright panic, having Thomas take care of himself, and keeping back the ever-wrathful Orange until the right time.

In short, he was stressed and overworked. He couldn't handle it all anymore.

"Ssssstop!!!" The lights flickered for a moment and flashed between bright white and deep yellow while something unseen slithered along the kitchen floor with a low hiss and a rattle.

Virgil and Remus froze. Janus never lost control like that.

"Janus? You alright?" The deceitful side curled into himself and began to sniff. He remained silent.

"Jan, come on, what's wrong?" Remus and Virgil glanced at each other, wondering the same thing.

"'S too loud."

Virgil mentally cursed at himself for not noticing how upset Janus was. Between him and Remus, he was the one most responsible when it came to times like this. After all, he'd been taking the caretaking role for Janus for years now.

Virgil stepped forward and hugged the other side. "Hey, no one's mad at you. Remus and I just got too angry and should have taken a break. You didn't do anything wrong, ok?"

Janus remained silent. He clung onto Virgil, hands fisted in his sweatshirt.

Remus walked off to the living room, switched the tv to some kid-friendly channel, and headed off to his room. As much as he would love to stay and comfort Janus, he tended to scare him more than anything when he was small and scared.

After sitting with him for a little bit, Virgil took off Janus's hat to pat his head. "Hey, let's go sit and watch tv for a bit, alright? We can talk when we're both calm. Does that sound ok?"

Janus nodded slightly and held onto Virgil tighter.

"Alright, let's go sit down, buddy." He picked up the other side and carried him over to the couch to sit. After making sure they were both comfortable, Virgil waved his arm and hoped that he was summoning the right thing. Janus was always better at summoning items from places other than his own room, Virgil tended to overthink and grab the wrong thing.

Luckily though, he grabbed the right one this time. "Hey, I've got Bananaconda here. He looks like he wants a hug." Janus reached out for the stuffed twin-headed snake and immediately drew it in close to himself.

"Is that a bit better, Jan?" Deceit nodded and kept his face hidden.

"Alright, let's just relax and watch some tv. We can talk if and when you're ready to later. Let's just rest for a bit." Janus nodded and curled into Virgil's side.

If you asked them later, it never happened. Remus would deny it outside of their personal circle and Virgil would insist that he and Janus weren't talking to each other. Janus could deceive his way out of almost any conversation. The trio may have their differences and be going through a rough patch in their relationship with each other, but they still looked out for each other when it mattered.

[greatwyrmgold]

Masks: A New Generation is a superhero TRPG with themes of youth and self-discovery and stuff. Its standard superhero setting is a city which has had an active superhero culture since the Great Depression, divided into four generations—the Golden Generation, Silver Generation, Bronze Generation, and unnamed modern generation.

Obviously, this is playing on the various ages of comic books. The Gold Generation heroes were born in the 1920s-40s, about 17 years earlier than the start and end of the Golden Age of Comic Books. The Silver Generation was born in the 50's and 60's, roughly during the Silver Age of Comic Books; likewise with the Bronze Generation/Age. And the qualities of heroes in each generation correspond to stereotypical qualities of superheroes in each age of comic books.

But it also feels like it's commenting on generational politics.

Take this paragraph:

So far, [the Modern Generation has] proved themselves a generation of greater hope and greater skepticism, somehow, than any other generation. They're aware of both the triumphs and the failings of those who came before them, in a way no other generation has been. They see the Gold Generation’s nobility, and all-too-easy oversight; the Silver Generation’s power and success, and domineering attitudes; the Bronze Generation’s frustration and search for new alternatives, and ultimate failure to change anything significantly.

proved themselves a generation of greater hope and greater skepticism, somehow, than any other generation. They're

The Greatest Generation did a lot of good (e.g. fighting fascists abroad), but they failed to make that good stick (e.g. tolerating fascists at home). The Baby Boomers were incredibly successful, shaping our world, and they refuse to let go of the dominance they've achieved. Generation X was dissatisfied with the status quo, but failed to do anything to change it. And now the modern generations (millenials and zoomers) are left to figure out what to do with everything that previous generations dropped on them.

On one hand, this seems like a straightforward reading of the text. It fits with both the stated themes of the game and with the information provided about the setting. On the other hand, it lines up extremely well with my worldview, so I'm worried that I might just be projecting.

Either way, though, it seems like a neat game.

...

This isn't related to anything, but: The Janus playbook is described as someone who can't stand the cycle of daily life, and puts on the superhero mask basically as a form of escapism—the exact motivation Taylor Hebert has for trying to become a superhero. And the first Ability listed for them is "rodent/insect control". I'm not saying that Brendan Conway and the folks at Magpie Games definitely read Worm, but...I'd be surprised if they didn't.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

*Cackling* Now rank your ot3's!

*long sigh*

SECTION 1:

Yes, there are sections, this is a list of 20 things. I like to be organized. These ones I seek out. I like them. I actively enjoy them on purpose.

1. Roloceit: My BOYS. Are these my 3 favorites? perhaps. You can't prove anything (you sure can, just look at my goddamn Ao3). Something about the dynamics here is just...so good for me? The combination of fluff/angst/multi-talented braincells is wonderful. I need these three to watch a documentary and tear it to absolute pieces. Also they would be so good at...actually having methods of supporting each other??? I love them.

2. Analogince: in the same vein, the SNARK. THE SASS. THE GROUPCHAT THAT WE ALL KNOW EXISTS THAT IS SOO OVERLOADED WITH SALT THAT IT'S A DEHYDRATION RISK. Also healthy communication??? supportive signifs??? good shit

3. Anxcietmus: The Dark Sides™. Again, I think these three just get each other. That means great fluff and great angst possibilities ABOUND and especially when it comes to being a menace in the rest of the mindscape. Yes. Good. Have fun.

4. Intruloceit: Someone please make this nerd take a fucking break for once. The chaos of leading what you THINK is a stuck-up buttoned-up nerd only to feel such an odd mixture of pride and mortal terror at discovering a TRUE mad scientist. Yes. Logan deserves to go ape-shit. Let him.

5. Analoceit: Did someone ask for some amused gay judgement? You got the whole scale here, Distinguished, Functional, and Disaster. They don't need the group chat because they can do it with just a look. Perfect. Wonderful.

6. Intruloxiety: slightly less snark, which is why it's ranked lower, but I don't think it would be any less supportive. Between the three of them I think they'd have a conversation about boundaries right up front and constantly be checking in with each other. Which is good!! Please do this!!

7. Loroyality (am i making up some of these names as I go? yes): The Light Sides™! The reason this is ranked lower is because I think they've got some in-canon struggles that would take some time and effort (from errybody) to sort out before I would consider this relationship healthy, but after that? Forget it. We vomiting sushine and rainbows and our teeth hurt from how sweet they are. I have faith in them.

8. Royaliceit: *sniff sniff* did someone say ANGST??? This is the only one I put up here that I mainly look for to get angst because BOY HOWDY. Especially post-POF? Roman you poor thing why do I project so strongly onto you, my god. This is a MESS and they need to do WORK to FIX IT but it's all about the misunderstanding and the healing and oh my god please someone tell Roman his worth is not based on how well his work is received please. Also if you're like me and you subscribe to the headcanon that the last time Patton and Janus agreed on something it was to stay in the closet as long as possible...*choo choo bitches angst town here we come*

SECTION 2:

These ones I don't actively seek out but you know?? For a headcanon post? They seem pretty chill. Haven't devoted a lot of brainpower to 'em, just think they're neat.

9. Moloceit (my keyboard is so confused you guys): Now THIS. THIS is the obnoxious trio of philosophy majors that ALWAYS hog the good library table. Someone will say ONE GODDAMN thing and they'll be talking about ontology and subjectivity for hours. It's impossible to tell whether or not they're being serious when they do it. As a most-definitely-not-a-philosophy-student, no. I mean, yes but no.

10. Anaroceit: you know those fucking divas that strut into the mall like they own the goddamn place? These bastards. They are the Heathers (except actually decent people) and you will not get between them and their purchases. If you come after one of them the other will overprotective the fuck out of them and rip you to shreds. You might be worried sometimes that they're hurting each other but they do actually talk about their boundaries. solid 7/10.

11. Analogicality: (whoa, we're halfway there...): These three just seem like they'd be super domestic. Not that it wouldn't also be adorable, but just kinda...routine? Virgil doesn't like new shit, Logan likes a schedule, and Patton enjoys doing things together in 'traditions.' Some spice but they're all fairly level-headed so...the most they get is screaming out songs with the windows down (WHOA LIVIN' ON A PRAYER)

12: Intrulogicality: You know those scenarios where you got Person A who runs headlong into crazy bullshit, Person B who likes to pretend they're not as into the crazy bullshit as Person A but is, and Person C who gets dragged into shit? There you go.

13: Anxmoceit: I think once they all sat down and had a conversation they might actually be decent??? But I can't stop seeing Patton and Janus coparenting Virgil so it stays platonic in my head. (listen i don't kinkshame but i am aroace, that does limit me a bit when it comes to this bag of nonsense)

14. Intrumoceit: Again, LONG conversation, but it's better to have one crazy dumbass whom you both love but please stop giving up heart attacks every two seconds bb we can't deal with these palpitations. I think this would require SO much work on Patton's end to make this healthy that I can't see it very clearly.

15. Intrumoxiety: This one I put down here because while Janus isn't the best at being straightforward (or straight) he DOES understand himself enough to actually have a productive conversation when he has to. I think Virgil would be too caught up between the dynamic of Patton and Remus for it to be healthy for him, especially at the beginning. It would end up dumping too much of the conflict resolution into his court and uh...no. No thanks. Do I think they COULD make it work? Yes, of course, but I wouldn't seek it out.

16. Anaroyality: Uhhh yeah they exist. Y'all gotta do some work to establish good boundaries but yeah, I think you could do it. Have a makeup day where everybody just fucks shit UP at a Sephora or an Ulta and try crazy looks on each other. You could do it. I believe in you.

SECTION 3:

These are the ones I will actively avoid, more often than not. If they're not handled carefully--which is not the responsibility of other creators, I take full blame, this is just how I personally interpret them--they can squick me out. The ones with Roman and Remus are down here, and as a disclaimer, this isn't because I view poly relationships where not all parties are dating each other as inherently inferior, not at all. I just think that within a relationship where both Roman and Remus are dating the same person, that has the potential to go REAL bad REAL quick.

17. Intrulogince: Do I want to see Roman and Remus playfully competing to win the favor of our favorite nerd? yes. Do I think it would end up aggravating the rivalry they already had to really bad places? Also yes. Either with Roman backing off and internalizing the idea that he's not good enough or by exploding on both of them. It's a bad time. No. That being said, I have seen things where Logan is just spoiled by incredible things made in the Imagination and those are very sweet. a good time.

18. Intruprinxiety (that looks so weird when it's spelled out, oh my god it sounded so much better in my head): Again, exacerbating a pre-existing rivalry, oh dear me, and this time poor Virgil's caught in the middle? a mess. There is also the potential for them to be childhood friends to lovers which would be very sweet but the overlap with all of their combined histories are...a lot of baggage. Like so much.

19. Intruroceit: The only way I can see this happening is Roman's inadequacy issues and abandonment issues going THROUGH THE FUCKING ROOF and it would force Remus into being a pseudo-therapist for them and Janus your habit of messing with Roman needs to gtfo right the fuck now.

20. Intruroyality: is anyone surprised that this one is my least favorite? Between the squicks I get from Patton as a character, the relationship between Patton and both of the twins in canon, and how much baggage Roman and Remus have...no. Absolutely not. I have horrible memories of some very toxic relationships that I can absolutely see here and no.

*phew* that was a long one. you're welcome.

EDIT: thank you @shinekittenace for names seriously this post is a mess

[coconut-cluster]

Can we have some more Dee and Logan hc's? 👀

(this is a really old ask that I drafted ages ago but here u go anon from last night who wanted botb loceit)

Janus kind of functions as the band’s manager (because he’s the most responsible of the four of them), but Logan helps him with details a lot (like budgeting, sometimes lighting if it’s a factor, etc)

Patton has always been Jan’s neighbor so their families are close, and Logan is Patton’s childhood best friend, so Logan and Jan have known each other for a long time too (their birthdays are all super close so the three of them have a tradition of going bowling together every year)

((Patton always wins. Janus and Logan have, as such, resigned themselves to allying in order to make up the most ridiculous historically referential names for their bowling balls instead of focusing on the actual game))

(((see: Anne Bowleyn, Strike-ael Faraday, Pinjamin Franklin, etc)))

Logan spends one class period a day as an attendant in the school library - he spends most of the period reading behind the checkout counter because no one actually checks out books

^^ Janus has a study hall during that period and always comes down to the library to just. hang. (His definition of ‘hang’ is ‘sit on the checkout counter and talk to Logan the whole period’)

They also occasionally hang out at the public library; there’s a really nice alcove there that’s in the sunlight and surrounded by shelves, kinda hidden away, and Logan likes the quiet back there. They go there when they have projects to work on together. It’s pretty much their spot at this point

Janus is super duper fashionable, albeit in a lil bit of an edgy way, but one time Logan gives him one of his dad’s shirts from the 90’s (which is like 99% of Lo’s wardrobe) because it’s yellow and black, and Jan treasures it

Jan has a cat - Deviance - and normally Logan is iffy around animals but Dev loves him so he’s really comfortable around her 🥺

Logan knows how to play a little piano, mostly because he likes the way patterns in music are kinda like patterns in math, so Janus teaches him simple songs (and the occasional duet so they can play together but like not in a couple-y way or anything just for fun and stuff for sure)

Logan absolutely loves astronomy - Janus has no idea what he’s talking about when he gets into the scientific parts of stars and space, but he just really enjoys hearing Logan y’all about something he likes so he just nods along

Logan wears a baseball cap one (1) time and Janus is internally like

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[poisonedapples]

The sides except they go to a tech school

This is extremely self indulgent but I apologize for nothing

Roman’s Program: Digital Media

Roman’s big dream is to be an actor, but he also has a very intense need to know a whole bunch of stuff about the production field and be a jack of all trades, basically

He’s also autistic and has a huge special interest in movies, so he’s just on cloud nine

He had a really hard time making friends at his home school, which is also another reason why he most to go to the tech school instead. He wanted a second chance and to meet new people who loved the same stuff he could never seem to shut up about, but he’s also very nervous and just really wants to make some friends this year

He’s also extremely salty that Remus followed him to his new school. Remus was always the talk of the school and Roman was always in his shadow, so this time, his strategy is to pretend that Remus doesn’t even exist

Remus will not take this as an a solution, but Roman’s not giving up anyway

He also met Patton, Logan, and Virgil in his College English class. Their seats were assigned next to each other, but it was Patton that actually started getting all of them to talk to each other

Speaking of Patton, him and Patton went together like a moth to a flame. They hit it off day one and have acted like the best of friends since, and it makes Roman extremely happy

Roman and the others also became closer friends because of a Digital Media project Roman did about the different programs around the school. Since all his friends are from different programs, he interviewed them all, and it was the most fun project ever because of everything they did behind the scenes

They mostly just goofed off when not on camera. It was lovely

He refused to let Remus take part in that project though. RIP to Remus

Patton’s program: Cosmotology

Patton’s biggest dream is to mostly help people feel better about themselves. He wants to make people feel happy and learn a little more self love, because nothing makes Patton happier than seeing other people enjoying themselves

He’s also an extremely sociable person, so a need to help people like who they are mixed with lots of talking? Without getting a master’s in psychology? A perfect mix to become a hair stylist!

He loves all the different styles you can do and how different everyone’s hair can be from another person’s. The program also has you learn stuff about makeup, and he loves putting makeup on people as well. He practices on the girls in the program a lot, and they always get so excited when they see the finished product. It fills him with happy butterflies

He doesn’t tend to wear makeup on himself, though. Not because he thinks boys can’t wear makeup, he just hates the feeling of it on his skin. Hence why he will take any willing participant to be his canvas

His extroverted energy also shows a lot in his academic classes. The first day of English, he immediately turned around and started talking to the kid with a camera

It took him a little longer to get the boy sitting next to him to talk to him though. Apparently “We have the same glasses!” Isn’t an acceptable conversation starter

He did, however, get the kid named Virgil to agree to let Patton to put makeup on him. Patton started that conversation by asking about his eyeshadow, but nope, apparently those were just eyebags

Though Virgil still liked makeup anyway, so score, Patton still got what he wanted

Now if only he could get Logan to laugh out loud and cut the serious act. Then he’d be a winner for sure

Logan: Mechatronics

Logan’s a nerd. A huge nerd. Hence why he fits in with the mechatronics program so well

Logan has always loved robots and tinkering with technology. More than anything, he wants to work on space aircrafts as a mechanical engineer, hence why he’s in the mechatronics program

He also has ADHD and his biggest hyperfixations are in robots and space, so he’s completely in his element. It’s nice to spend most of his day in a class where he can talk about spacecrafts and how they worked, and not only will people listen, but they’ll also care about it almost as much as he does

Though, he’d prefer to keep his closet full of robotic kids toys he keeps breaking apart and fixing again to himself. At least for now

Though because he’s in mechatronics, he’s required to be in all advanced classes for his academics to get college credit. Which he doesn’t mind at all, but in his college English class, he definitely sits next to quite...the eclectic bunch

He acts like they inconvenience him, but he actually enjoys their company. Even if Roman can be a little loud, but him and Roman actually hit it off quite well with their debates and frequent conversation jumping

(It’s the ADHD-autism solidarity)

Logan also has quite the liking to Virgil, mostly because they’re both looking into the engineering business and have similar interests with space

Logan pretends like Patton annoys him, but he’s not very good at it. He hates that Patton knows he has a secret love for puns and keeps using it against him to try and make him laugh. How dare he

(Patton just keeps trying because he knows Logan likes it and he’s also a bit of a little shit)

Logan hopes that all three of them consider him one of their closest friends as well. Because actually, now he has more to look forward to in his English class than just the poetry and seeking for alternate meanings for things in text

Now, most of his entertainment comes from saying “Romeo and Juliet is an awful love story” and seeing Roman go off an a rant about how it’s not even a lOVE STORY it’s about THE GENERATION DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PARENTS AND KIDS and it’s STRUGGLES, CALCULATOR WATCH-

...It’s quite amusing

Virgil’s Program: Aviation

Anxiety is fight or flight. Well...Virgil literally just wants to take flight

His dad used to take Virgil out on vacations quite often when he was younger and his dad’s job was more focused on traveling, so Virgil has flown in planes a lot. He’s always been an anxious kid, always afraid of so many things, but for some reason...flying was one of the things to calm him the most

Except for going through security, fuck airport security

But still, there was never anything more satisfying than looking through the window on a plane. He’s always loved it, and he’s known since a very young age that he wants to learn to fly things, even if he decides not to become a pilot

He’s seventeen now and still wants to be a pilot, even if his shyness has turned into an anxiety disorder. It’s been a while since he’s been on a plane since his dad is now a psychologist, but he still loves it and misses it almost. So when he heard his district’s tech school had an aviation program, he signed up so fast

His teacher has to practically pry him away from messing with the drones and planes when they need to do other stuff, it’s kinda funny

It’s also great that he met Logan in his English class, because Logan loves engineering and aircrafts like Virgil does. One of Virgil’s backup plans is to be an aerospace engineer, so their conversations are always fun

He also has no idea how Patton figured out his secret love of makeup but now he’s being used as a canvas, apparently

Plus, Roman asked if Virgil could fly a drone for him to get an aerial shot for some digital media projects, so holy shit Virgil made three friends in one day when he’s been trying to make one friend for YEARS

He just bursts into his house like “DAD GUESS WHAT I MADE F R I E N D S”

His Dad is very proud but also very concerned

Virgil just ignores that though and sends memes to the new group chat with all four of them in it

Remus’ Program: Auto Collision Technology

Remus loves broken stuff. Especially big broken things, like cars

Of course, there’s no job for purposely wrecking stuff, but looking at damage in cars and how to repair it is exciting enough for him. His parents are just happy he found something to put more...positive energy into, instead of always causing trouble and getting popular for being “the bad boy”

He had lots of friends at his home school, lots of which he still talks to, mostly because his chaotic energy entertains a lot of people willing to deal with it. He has that same effect at the tech school, but the one person he’s never been able to get more on his side is his own brother

Remus has always been a bit too chaotic for Roman’s liking, and he knows that Roman wanted to go to the tech school for a fresh start. But Remus won’t stop himself just to make his brother happy, so it Roman’s salty about Remus doing something good for himself, then so be it

(Remus is a little salty about Roman being salty, but they’re brothers, what do you expect)

But Remus doesn’t need him anyway! Twin brothers are overrated! He’s got plenty of other people in his programs!

But his closest friend he’s gotten since coming to the tech school? Janus. Him and Janus go together like two chaotic peas in a pod, even if Janus has a whole lot more braincells than Remus ever will

Though, Remus has never had more fun with a friend than with Janus. He’s had lots of friends that come and go once they’re bored of him, but Janus feels real. He feels genuine, and Remus...really doesn’t wanna get rid of that

He likes Janus a lot, hence why he invites Janus over and lets Janus into his super secret eating spot he goes when he doesn’t wanna act like a crackhead at lunch. It’s actually quite nice

Roman just has to deal with the fact that, if he’s gonna be a salty bastard, then Janus is his new ride or die

(Please someone help these twins they’re saltier than the Dead Sea)

Janus’ Program: Firefighting Technology

When Janus was a young teen, he got trapped in a house fire that scarred the left half of his body. Firefighters were the ones that saved him, and since then, he’s always had a huge respect for them. Enough so to really want to become a firefighter

He’s always been very focused on self care and secretly very empathetic, so that mixed with past experience from being saved from such a dangerous event actually makes him a great candidate for a firefighter. He’s not one giant on talking, but he’s still good with teamwork when others want him to work with them

He has a good set of friends in his program, but his best friend was someone he met during lunch when trying to get away from the noise of the actual cafeteria. He also noticed that same kid was also in his anatomy class, so...destiny, I guess?

Remus can definitely be an eclectic person, but Janus secretly thrives on a good set of chaos. It makes life interesting, and Remus can definitely be described as interesting

He’s also the only person Janus has met that thinks Janus’ scars are cool as hell, so double win

It’s also immensely entertaining to join Remus on his quests to constantly annoy his brother. If he had a brother he’d probably do the same, honestly

Mostly, he’s just here for the chaotic ride. He gets to be a sarcastic bastard with a secret love for the dramatic flair and somehow make friends at the same time

He still needs to find a way to get under Patton’s skin, though. Patton never gets bothered by Janus, but that’s probably because Patton has known Janus as his neighbor for literal years

Damn him. Janus will get him some time

Though for right now, Remus gets most of the wins of weirding out Patton. That is, until Roman shrieks and chases them both off

Yup. Janus chose a good best friend. Even if he’s a chaotic, salty bastard

[littleboy-logan]

Brother in Arms (5) END

The final chapter!! I can’t believe I actually finished this up so nicely!! I could make a continuation if y’all want, but more than anything I plan on focusing on a different project 👀 hope you like this last chapter!!!!

Summary: An unexpected twist occurs during a faux camping trip in the living room. Logan has a secret he doesn’t wish to share, but a thunderstorm may force him to.

Characters: Logan, Virgil, Roman, Patton, Janus, Remus

Pairing(s): analogical, royality, dukeceit (all ships can be read as romantic or platonic depending on preference and no romance takes place while regressed, as always)

Warnings: a thunderstorm, crying, a story is told that implies death and mentions ghosts, a clown mention, and i believe that’s it but lemme know if I missed anything!!!

Word count: 1,244

~

Logan was a caregiver. Not a regressor.

He told himself this every time he watched cartoons with Virgil. Whenever Virgil got him to play pretend with him. All the moments he shared with a regressed Virgil, he had to remind himself that he was the grown up.

He had to be.

Now everyone was getting ready for the “camping trip” that night in the living room. Logan got the s'mores ingredients gathered and the fake campfire set up while Patton and Janus did the blanket tent. The regressors were quite excited about it, and so was Logan.

Excited... for the regressors, of course.

Soon they were all gathered and the fun could begin. They were starting with the s'mores, roasting the marshmallows over the fake campfire.

"I wanna set mine on fire!" Remus declared.

"I don't like burned marshmos," Virgil murmured.

"How we know when they're ready?" Roman asked.

"I think they're ready now," Logan said, helping everyone make their s'mores. The marshmallows squished perfectly between the graham crackers and the chocolate, much to the regressors' amazement.

Logan had, of course, put the marshmallows in the microwave for just a few seconds to soften them up before the "roasting".

He... definitely did not want one for himself. He had to remember that this was for the regressors, not him. He couldn’t give in to the temptation to indulge in their hobbies.

With the s’mores eaten, they all told scary stories around the fake campfire. The caregivers started, though when it was Logan’s turn he tried to decline.

“I wanna hear your story, Logie!” Virgil exclaimed.

“Yeah, nerdy pants!” Roman agreed. “Story!”

Logan sighed fondly. “Alright, I suppose. Um... there once was a... little boy... who had a paper boat. It was raining out, so he... floated the paper boat along a stream of water on the sidewalk until it fell into a sewer. Looking down into it, the boy found a clown.”

“This is the plot of It!” Remus said.

“I told you, I’m bad at this!”

“You gotta reach deep down in your gut and pull out your sense of imagination! Just rip it out of there! That’ll help you tell stories!”

Logan paused. “Thank you, Remus.” He decided to think of something else, something unique. “Um... okay, different little boy... who learned how to fly. Everyone told him he couldn’t do it. No one believed in him. He couldn’t fly, he was only a boy. Um... but one day... he decided to try. He went to the edge of a cliff... no, perhaps this is more sad than scary.”

“No, keep going!” Roman exclaimed. “Did he learn how to fly?”

“Yeah, keep going,” Patton encouraged with a smile.

“Alright. Um, he went to the edge of a cliff, taller than the trees. He knew he could fly, he just had to believe. So he jumped. He closed his eyes and willed himself to fly. Then he fell. But he did learn to fly, because his ghost flies around that cliff to this very day.”

“Wow,” Roman whispered.

“He died?” Virgil shrieked.

“Cool!” Remus said with a smile. “Tell another one!”

Logan chuckled. “That’s all the storytelling I’ve got in me, I’m afraid. Who’s next?”

As Logan listened to everyone’s stories, he could feel his brain getting fuzzier and fuzzier. He fought it off, trying to pay attention to what everyone was saying.

Then the thunderstorm hit.

A crackle of thunder got Logan jumping to his feet, his heart pounding. He was very much not a grown up right now and he did not care for that fact, not at all. He had to be the grown up, Virgil needed him.

However, Virgil was clapping his hands and giggling.

“Stormy!” he yelled happily.

“Logan, you good?” Janus asked amusedly, Logan quickly sitting back down.

He cleared his throat. “Um... I’m fine, just caught me by surprise.”

It was ridiculous for him to be scared of a little thunder. The storm couldn’t hurt him, he was being silly. He would be fine, he just needed to focus on the camping. Focus on Remus’s story.

Thunder clapped just as Remus began cackling maniacally as part of his storytelling. That was not helpful.

Logan needed to breathe. He was on the verge of tears, but he couldn’t be, not right now. Why was the storm scaring him so much?

It was then Roman’s turn to tell a story, and hopefully it would be less scary and Logan could take his mind off things. Things such as fear and thunderstorms.

As it turned out, Roman was much better at scary stories than Logan gave him credit for. Terrific.

“Just when she thought she escaped the butcher, the door creaked open and she screamed!”

Thunder went along with the story and this time Logan screamed before bursting into tears.

“Oh gosh, Logan, what’s the matter?” Patton asked, holding Logan in his arms.

Logan couldn’t speak. He was too young.

“Logie, you scared?” Virgil asked, moving closer to Logan and holding his hand. “It just thunder. Won’t hurt you.”

Logan was inconsolable. He didn’t know how old he was but he felt completely helpless. All he could do was hold onto Patton for dear life and cry his eyes out.

“Lo gon’ be okay?” Remus asked.

“He’ll be just fine,” Janus answered. “He’s just scared of the storm, that’s all.”

“I thought grown ups weren’t scared of anything?” Roman pondered aloud.

“That’s not quite the case, little prince.”

More thunder crashed and Logan jumped. Patton held him more closely and gently shushed him.

“Shh, it’s okay, Loganberry. I’ve got you. You’ll be alright.”

He continued to murmur words of comfort in Logan’s ear, who began to calm down. He had tears and snot running down his face but didn’t have the will to clean it off.

“How old are you, Logan?” Janus asked.

Logan could only babble in response. He wanted to say words but wasn’t sure how to.

“Oh, looks like we’ve got ourselves a little baby boy!” Patton declared with a smile, Logan giggling and clapping his hands.

Patton had Janus get some tissues so he could clean Logan’s face. He carried him into the blanket tent and laid him down. He knew Logan would be needing a diaper at such a young age, so he summoned one and quickly put it on him.

“There we go!” Patton cooed. “How about some nice, cosy pyjamas, hm?”

Logan clapped his hands and kicked his feet absentmindedly. Patton got him changed into a blue baby romper that fit him perfectly, and summoned him a space themed pacifier.

Virgil poked his head into the tent. “Can I see baby?”

Patton chuckled. “Of course! Be gentle with him, he’s much younger than you.”

Virgil crawled into the tent and Logan instantly made grabby hands at him. Virgil laid down next to him and held him.

“Is he like my little brother now?” Virgil asked.

“I don’t know, that’s up to the two of you,” Patton replied.

Virgil held him closer. “I’mma protect you from all the storms in the world, Logie.”

Logan let his eyes close and Virgil’s warmth overtake him. He gripped Virgil’s onesie tightly, never wanting to let go.

He didn’t want to be a regressor. Though with such a loving, accepting group of people he could call family, it wasn’t the end of the world.

Besides, it would be fun to be a child. Every now and then.

[fae-redux]

im stuck on you

S: People usually find their soulmate by following their heart (the closer you are to your soulmate, the warmer you’ll feel). Remus has been pining for so long, he doesn’t know how to handle himself.

P: dukeceit

happy birthday, @littlemisschameleon!! it’s corona and i can’t give you a physical present so have some dukeceit soulmate au!! i hope you like it :D (here’s an ao3 link if yall like that formatting better)

***

Remus sends the letter because Roman’s teacher thinks a penpal will help him learn English. Also, because Roman thinks it’s stranger danger and won’t. 

If he gets kidnapped, at least there’s a chance for his heart to feel warmer whichever direction his kidnapper goes. Fact remains, he’s freezing and bored and he’d do pretty much anything to not be.

He neglects to say that in the letter. 

His penpal instead receives the gift of approximately two full pages of fun facts about different species of mushrooms and how fast they can decay different animals. It’s pretty well written, if he says so himself, and it’s all in English because he’s polite, not because it has to be.

Any who, Ms. Andrea says she’s not going to read the letters before they’re sent, and Roman is only required to send one at a time, so Remus signs it with his own name and lets it go.

He doesn’t expect the letter he gets back to be so nice.

His penpal’s name is Janus and he doesn’t like to eat mushrooms unless they’re in fried rice, but he loves how mushrooms look.

There are little mushroom doodles that line the bottom, along with a few snakes, which Janus goes on to say is because they’re his favorite animal because of the way they unhinge their jaws.

Remus has never wished to be in the same school as someone more.

***

The next letter they write to each other includes their emails, and Remus takes full advantage of it to send Janus all the deadliest snakes he’s found out about in the library, and includes a pain scale with human accounts of getting bitten.

Janus sends back a heart and fun facts about the deadliest octopi in the ocean. 

He feels his heart get slightly warmer when he hugs the monitor, and when he loudly proclaims he found his soulmate, he gets a laugh from Roman.

He asks him what his plan is here, and Remus tells him to shut his fuck and keep his nose out of it if he doesn’t want to get smacked.

***

When they’re old enough to have phones, they exchange cell numbers, and Remus gets daily updates instead of sporadic emails.

He finds out that Janus likes to dress a little more on the punk side and that he wants a million tattoos as soon as he’s old enough. Janus tells him about foster homes and how he thinks he might be sticking with one of the other kids he met who is a little older than him, but is sort of like him. 

Janus is smart, smarter than anyone he’s ever met in real life, and he wants to go to law school because he knows he can talk his way out of hell if the devil asked him to try, and Remus is inclined to believe he could do it if he wanted to. He thinks through all his words, his every movement, ten times before he follows through, unlike Remus’ zero-thought policy.

He learns that Janus likes boys, but there aren’t really other people in his hometown like him, and that he wants to study in a big city someday so he’s not so alone. 

He learns that Janus wants to keep talking to him forever, or at least that’s what he tells him.

Remus in turn tells him about his brother, and their origin story. He tells him about how everyone else just seemed to have grown out of curiosity and how he feels out of touch with other people his age sometimes. 

There’s still a part of him that feels like he’s been touching all the stars in the sky, but none of them have set his orbit quite right, leaving him drifting endlessly.

He tells him that he might like boys too, but he doesn’t really want to tell his mom because she already rags on him for everything else, like wanting to go to art school and his knife collection and how he’ll never meet his soulmate with an attitude like his. 

He doesn’t tell him about the small seed of doubt in the back of his head that Janus won’t want to stay if he ever meets him in real life. 

He tells him he wants to keep talking forever too.

***

They don’t ever talk about meeting in person. For the first time in their lives, they’re in the same city, but every time he goes to bring it up, seeing a picture of Janus in the financial district, or near his favorite Starbucks, something makes him hesitate. 

Remus wants it so bad, it feels like all the air in his lungs isn’t real sometimes, or like something cut up his insides then spooned all the pieces out to replace them with ice. Still, the thought lingers in the back of his mind that Janus hasn’t suggested it for a reason. 

They still talk all the time though, whether it's to rant about professors, or homework, or siblings, or just about something they saw recently.

Janus tends to hyperfocus on cases he works on in his internship sometimes, and when he’s allowed, he tells Remus all the gory details and grins when he revels in the fun, while also giving valuable insight that contributes to his defense.

Remus in turn sends him the paintings that don’t involve Janus’ face and stupid selfies he takes at random food carts around school that are rumored to give you instant food poisoning. 

He makes sure to send progress updates on the projects he really feels good about and sends him updates on Roman and his new trends, whether they be six second dance videos or random quotes he’s said to him of varying hilarity based on how stupid they are.

The longer he lives in the city, the more Remus knows his heart feels warmer. He’s been feeling it since the start of the semester, but he hasn’t said anything yet, at least not to Janus. Roman is free game, though:

“Roman, I swear to everything fuckable within a ten mile radius, he probably goes to the same college as me,” Remus groans, his feet propped up on the back of the couch as he lies upside down. “I get warmer every time I go to campus.”

“There’s a million colleges in New York, so he really might not be,” Roman says reasonably, doing his eyeliner in the hall mirror. “Besides, he’s pre-law, right? There’s no way.”

“You’re just being uppity because you fricking met your soulmate on campus,” He responds grumbling.

“You’re right, I am. My soulmate’s a genius and I am very lucky to have met him when I did,” His twin’s pride infects the room, and he throws one Roman’s unnecessary couch pillows at him. “If you make me screw up my eyeliner, I’m going to run you through with one of your stupid wall-katanas.”

“They aren’t stupid, and I’m never going to see him face to face at this rate, so you might as well,” he snipes back, his purely decorative wall-mounted katanas be damned.

Roman raises an eyebrow, as if his mocking will affect Remus at all, “I’ll be back in like three hours, then you can mope your heart out, okay?”

He gathers his things from the hall table as Remus yells at his retreating back, “I don’t mope, I’m not you!”

“No, you’re not, and that’s why you don’t have a hot date tonight!” he hears as the door shuts.

He wishes he kept the pillow to suffocate himself with.

***

When Roman knocks on Virgil’s door, he doesn’t expect the person who answers the door to be so familiar, and he’s sure the answering party doesn’t expect him either.

“I thought-Sorry, I thought my roommate’s soulmate was coming over,” Janus says, a flash of recognition in his eyes, completely stunned in a way Roman has never heard while listening in on his brother’s phone calls. 

“Yeah, no, I’m here for Virgil. Janus, right?” And at the immediately suspicious look goes, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, you send my brother at least five selfies a week, and he agonizes over your beauty for ages after every single one, you have to know I would recognize you on sight.”

“....Roman?” he asks, like he doesn’t actually know what was going to leave his mouth when he said it.

“That would be me,” Roman just goes for the back of his neck, before wincing at the Remus-like gesture. “So, uh, Virgil?”

“Yeah, yes!” Janus opens the door fully so fast, Roman almost expects him to run himself over, “Do come in. Would you like anything while you wait? Water? Tea?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Janus hovers for a moment like he’s going to say something, but bites his lip instead, “Want to know how my brother is doing?”

He shifts elegantly, though his chains rattle, making the adjustment more obvious, “Of course not, what do you take me for?”

“A liar, you definitely want to know how he’s doing. Well, you’ll be happy to know he lives fifteen minutes away,” Roman grins, “And he’s home alone right now, pouting about wanting to see you, if you wanna go over.”

“It would be rude to leave you unattended in my home,” Janus replies, his voice strangled. “Arrangements can be made to get Virgil to hurry up.”

Leaving the room in a swift movement of leather and metal, Janus nearly vaults the couch in his haste. Roman can hear him yelling at Virgil to “Hurry up, you nasty, spider-pet keeping bitch,” and his soulmate’s yells to “Get out of my room, you tattooed skank!” Then an offended gasp, “How dare you?” and the snarling response, “You barge into my space and-”

“You hooked up with my soulmate’s brother-”

”Who is my soulmate, idiot!”

“Would you just-”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Janus leaves the room and, in Roman’s line of sight, straightens his shirt as if he’d just been in some sort of scuffle. “Virgil will be out shortly, if you wouldn’t mind giving me the address.”

“You two are going to be related if you marry my brother, you know?” Roman grins as he puts the address into Janus’ phone.

He takes the phone back and rolls his eyes, “We were fostered by the same family. We really can’t get any closer, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

“We were adopted by the same person, Jan, why do you always conveniently leave that part out?” Virgil grumbles as he enters the room. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and be safe.”

Janus sniffs turning up his nose, “I’m going to get violently murdered before I even make it there,”

“Don’t test me, I will put off this date,” he pushes Janus’ head forward so he can’t look up at them. “Be safe, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Janus mumbles, fixing his hat and his chained belt, “Do I look okay?”

“My brother is a trash rat,” Roman responds, louder than he means to, “You will look like a model next to him and you will constantly get questioned as to why you’re in a five foot radius of him.”

“So, good?”

“Fantastic,” Roman confirms. “Now have fun.”

Janus double checks his pockets for his phone and his wallet, and then he books it in the direction of the twins’ apartment.

***

For the first time since he moved in, Remus feels himself getting warmer by the second. It’s not as though he’s moved from his spot going over every single thing that could currently be going wrong at Roman’s date, but somehow, his heart is pounding like he has.

“What do you see?” He asks it, vaguely aware it can’t actually respond. Either his soulmate just figured out where he lives, or there is something extremely important happening in the city.

Picking up his phone to check, it lights up with a text from Roman reading ‘Sending a pick-me-up your way,’ but he has no idea what it means.

After two minutes of constant heat, he searches for major events happening nearby. Nothing.

Five more minutes pass, and he thinks he might die young to a heart attack.

There’s a knock on the door.

His self preservation instincts must be completely nonexistent at this point because he yanks the door open with a knife in his hand and freezes. There, right in front of him, is Janus, who he thought he’d never see, and who was always too good for him, and yet, perfect for him in every way and, “I could have accidentally killed you with one of my many wall-hung weapons because you didn’t knock like Roman,” and that is the first thing he chooses to say to his soulmate.

“I wouldn’t have appreciated the trip to the hospital after I just sprinted over half a mile to see you,” he pants a little, “I know we didn’t talk about it, but Roman showed up at my door, and I knew you had to be nearby, and I just-”

Remus yanks him forward into his arms, and sighs in relief as the heat abruptly goes away, “Mr. I-think-everything-through needed to be impulsive, huh?”

“Yes,” Comes the fervent response as he clings to Remus’ body. “I missed you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to meet up. We didn’t even-”

“I know,” And Janus’ mouth brushes his cheek, just barely, because he’s not tall enough to reach, and Remus bends down, and kisses him soundly on the mouth, the feeling running through his body like a new kind of heat and comfort, and it feels like he’s done it a million times, even if it’s the first time.

Breaking apart, he notices they’re just standing in the doorway of his apartment. “Come inside, sweetheart,” He wiggles his eyebrows salaciously, Janus bursting into laughter as he pushes him back. 

“Nope,” He grins fondly, and this is the first day of the rest of their lives, it hits Remus, “I think I’m going to cause problems on purpose.”

“Fair enough, honeybee,” He tugs at the yellow cuffs of Janus’ leather jacket, pressing a kiss to a tattoo at the edge of his hairline, “Want me to carry you? Roman did say he was sending a pick-me-up, and I can definitely pick you up.”

He’s giggling, Remus delights as he scoops him up, kicking the door shut behind them, “If you call me one more pet name, I will combust, and you will have no soulmate to be with, is that what you want?”

And he says what he wants to say, because Janus has never once cared about the shit that leaves his mouth, “Biscuit, I’ve waited so long to see you, even death couldn’t keep me away from holding you.”

Janus pushes into him and kisses him again, putting a hand in his hair, tugging slightly to get the angle he wants, “I wouldn’t want it to,” Then after another kiss, “Love you.”

Remus sighs into his mouth, his world aligning so he could be the orbit to Janus’ sun, the whole system correcting itself. “Yeah,” He holds him just a little bit tighter, “Love you, too.”

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

I Taste Honey but I Haven’t Seen the Hive - Chapter Five

Ao3,   MasterPost,   C.1   C.2   C.3   C.4

Relationships: eventual queer-platonic intruality

again, there are not italicized words in here, so it might be a little clunky-sounding. tumblr copy/paste function sucks :/

Warnings: mild body horror, deep-sea setting, deep-sea creatures, non-fatal drowning (its complicated but theyre all okay in the end), mild vomiting, hurt/comfort, cursing, e m o t i o n s- lots of them. 

Word Count: 3,981

Remus didn’t need anybody. Not anyone but him, anyway. He was the one that gave himself everything he wanted, took care of himself, loved himself (in just about every way a person could). Of course he didn’t need other people! That was for weak-willed, insecure, clingy little prisses!

Roman was the one needing all the validation, marveling those little affections, loving his soft and kissy-touchy friendships. Hell, he was happy with that kind of life, that was just how it went for him.

And Remus- Remus was everything that his brother wasn’t, by definition, and no exceptions. He didn’t need coddling, because he got by on his own. He didn’t need to be loved, because he loved himself. He would be happy that way, too, because it was clear enough that there wasn’t another way to be. For him, at least. 

The first thing he did after leaving Patton in the dust, his door still shaking from how hard he’d slammed it, was summon more speakers. No, more than that. No, more than that, too, and bigger! 

There. That was more like it!

With a snap, deafening noise filled Remus’ room. It drowned out everything; the hurried footsteps up the stairs, the desperate knocking at his door, and most importantly, his thoughts.

Remus flopped onto his bed, landing flat on his back. Limbs spread, head lax, he felt the bass running through him like pure energy. And distantly, as the minutes passed, the knocking finally stopped altogether. As did his conscious, his worrying, his weakness. 

Everything was back to usual, just how it’d have been if he’d never held that stupid little catholic in his arms in the first place. Just like before, so it couldn’t be any worse than if he’d never let him be his friend at all. 

And it really was best that way. He could get all his alone time back, finally spend some time to focus on himself again! It would be good for him. It was the natural way of things.

Remus laid on the bed, and in his room he had three days of nothing but alone time.

This project was going to be big; big things needed a lot, a lot of a lot of room. Infinite, maybe- and Remus’ decision, as an all-powerful conduit of Creativity (in his side of the imagination, at least), was that there was nothing more infinite than the ocean. 

The seemingly endless void of yellow-white, papery landscape stretched onwards in all directions. Remus stood dead center in The Imagination, ink already seeping into the world from his presence.

It was the third day, as Remus kept himself holed in his room, that the incessant knocking was too much to deal with anymore. At first, he knew it was only Patton, but as time went on he could feel the presences change. Maybe it was Roman, Janus- probably even Virgil and Logan, at least once. But that day was the crescendo, when all the knocking and the voices calling for him had gotten so frantic and mixed up that even he needed away from the noise.

Whatever. He would talk to them whenever he wanted (if he ever wanted), and they could live without him for the week at least. They’d have to, anyways, because Remus adhered to one policy and one policy alone: fuck everybody else, they don’t matter!

He just needed an energy boost. He was pissed, sure, maybe even upset, but it was nothing he hadn’t dealt with before.

Remus was going to make something fucking putrid that day. As bad as he could ever conjure in that horrible canvas of imagination he had. Violent, unforgivable, stress-relieving, him. The thought waves would fuck with Thomas’ head the whole day, sure, but Remus really couldn’t care less. He’d been taking it easy on the guy ever since the acceptance, and Remus had earned a little fun! 

The artist dropped to his knees, clawed hands scratching over the floor of paper. Everywhere he touched, darkness and muck soaked through the whiteness like ink, darkening the world until the scene was forming. When Remus lifted his hands, the ground rose up with him, adding texture to the surface.

Everything he made came out in his style when he used Thomas’ imagination like this. The creations moved realistically, and all in three-dimension. They were even touchable and destructible and certain other words ending in the same suffix, but all of it was still art. His art, made real.

The lines were thick, dark, sketchy. Each one looked forced into the world without a care, but to their creator they were perfect. The colors would be vile and sickly, each one looking like pools of multicolor vomit. That, or they were vibrant eye-sores, things too garish for even Warhol or Matisse’s works, clashing in the eyes enough that it hurt. 

It depended on Remus’ mood, really, which one it’d be. Today he chose the former, relishing the illness that spilled out of his fingertips. It looked ugly. It felt free. It was him.

Here, Remus got to be everything. Remus was powerful.

Remus dragged his claws upwards, and the scene began to unfold. 

Patton clasped his hands out in front of him, squeezing and releasing them again and again. He’d already been knocking for what had to be more than twenty minutes, while the music inside Remus’ room only got louder. There was a swell of hope when finally it was shut off altogether, but no one had come to the door. In fact, there was a perfect, unnerving silence- there had been for five minutes, at that point. 

The first Remus-less day in the mindscape, Roman and Logan had stood beside Patton as he hovered by the door. The day after, it was Virgil and Janus taking turns trying to coax their way in or him out. But that day, the third day, Patton had long-since explained everything. After some convincing, he was left to deal with the situation on his own, finally. 

It was his responsibility, after all. 

Nobody was too angry with Patton, though in his own opinion he would have earned it and then some. Janus had been harsh with him at first, and Roman had jumped to his brother’s defense with a surprising willingness, but once he explained… 

Patton couldn’t tell which was worse; the disgust he’d been expecting, or the understanding and pity that he’d actually gotten.

Because it wasn’t okay. They all knew that, of course they did, but they didn’t want to push him any more than he had been. Patton could feel it, that they were letting him off easy just because of his remorse. Because much as they cared for Remus- and he could feel and see that, too- they cared even more about not letting him break. But it didn’t matter, because what he’d done… Just because Remus was Remus, it didn’t mean he…

Patton slammed the door with the side of his fist, hard enough to hurt. He did it again,  again, a third time, knowing he wouldn’t get any more response than he had every other time. Still, he couldn’t stop trying.

Then something happened that Patton really should’ve seen coming, but shocked him all the same.

There was a creak, then a groan. Something cracked and something buckled. There was a splintering, metallic crunch, and with one last whine of protest Remus’ door swung open on its hinges. 

Apparently decaying and ocean-worn was more than just an aesthetic. That, or Patton had no concept of his own strength.

Well, regardless. The door was open.

Patton folded his hands against his chest, eyes wide and lips pressed, as he peered anxiously through the entryway. It was hard to see. He leaned further inside, hesitating every other breath, then stepped over the threshold. 

The room was empty. 

The room was empty, but there was another door on the opposite wall.

Or, no- not a door, but a doorway. No handle or knob, just pitch blackness. As Patton approached, it seemed more like a portal than anything, swirling around and making the faintest little whooshes, chirps, and gurgles.

Patton stood feather-light on the carpet before it. He reached a hand out and grazed the surface with his fingers, and instantly jolted back with a yelp.

It was cold and wet, but his fingers came away dry. He wrapped his hand in the sleeve of his hoodie, gazing into the deep darkness. It even smelled, something distinctly briney and animal-like. 

It was… definitely not the most appealing door Patton had seen.

So it must have been where Remus was.

That settled it. With a deep breath, some posturance, and just a bit of false-confidence, Patton dove forwards through the portal.

Remus sat at the bottom of the ocean, inhaling swells of saltwater into his lungs. Every movement of his kicked up the sand like little gray clouds in the blue; physics kept mostly to realism, but maybe a bit more structured, a balance that any good piece of art should have.

Remus threw his head back and stared into the endless, dark water. Shadows of leviathans passed by overhead, black as night and humming a low drone, but never diving down enough to really be seen. Just smudged shapes in the implication of a horror. Their sounds were like distant, garbled radios that spreaded their old songs throughout the sea.

Still, they weren’t anything other than a backdrop. A well-crafted and time-consuming background, but a background nonetheless. Remus stood up with a huff, sending bubbles streaming from his nose and mouth. There was so much left to be done.

And he got caught up in just the plotting at once, angling this way and that to figure where he should drop the sunken submarine. So caught up, in face, that he very nearly didn’t notice the stab of someone else entering his domain.

But only nearly. It was sharp enough to hurt, that feeling like a pebble dropping into his stomach, and even distracted it made him lurch. Remus’ hands stilled their creation, his head craning back, and he saw the pitch dark portal swirling around just meters away. 

Oh, great. Just who he wanted to see.

Remus was still as stone when Patton stumbled through the vortex, almost tripping over his own feet when it disappeared after him. Remus might have laughed, if he was in the mood, but as it was he kept quiet, and watched. Watched Patton right himself, watched the side look up, watched as his gaze filled with recognition when it met Remus’.

Remus folded his arms over his chest, smiling wickedly back.

How long would it take for him to make Patton run screaming, he wondered?

The side was stumbling across the sand already, unaffected by the suffocating water around him, but that was hardly all Remus had to offer. With a dismissive flick of the wrist, he brought into existence a favorite of his underwater pets: the Japanese Spider Crabs.

In his style, they were stretched out even further than the twelve feet they’d be in nature, their long and horrid limbs slimmer to boot. They moved in short, jerky steps, jumping this way and that like each stride was meant to be a jumpscare. They of course wasted no time in scrambling towards one Very Out-of-Place Patton.

When he saw them skidding at him, a stream of bubbles burst from his mouth in a silent wail, and he wrapped his arms around himself. Remus did laugh at that, the way he stopped in his tracks and tried desperately to avoid the monsters; oh, Remus cackled. 

Patton did run, in the end, but not away from the beasts. No, the stubborn little thing kept trekking towards Remus, as though the trait hadn’t just sicked a pack of wicked arthropods on him. 

Well, it didn’t matter- the horrors of the deep were endless! Remus stamped his foot in the sand, triumphant, as a goblin shark sprouted up from nothing. The beast sent its creator something like a smile, before turning on its target.

Patton’s expression went ghost-white. His steps staggered, but the crabs he’d left in the dust were still crawling behind him, and he…

He walked towards the shark?

Remus went still again, incredulous as he watched Patton be almost unphased by a fucking shark. His eyes burned in determination, even as an enormous, hideous creature bared down on him.

Patton wasn’t running, even when it rammed into his chest at full force. He hardly stumbled, and that was the moment Remus knew his bluff had been called.

He could make the creations hurt Morality. Not in any way that lasted, not in any way that would destroy him, but they could hurt him. Remus could hurt him, and he had every reason to, and.

He wasn’t going to. They both knew that.

In a whine or a snarl, a whimper, basically a scream, Remus wiped away his monsters and crumbled. He buried his face in his arms, curled up in a ball and growling like an animal- or maybe more like a kid; a useless, annoying little kid throwing a tantrum for no good reason. 

He couldn’t do anything. Not really. Not anything that mattered.

When Patton reached him, he didn’t move. Patton crouched, placed a hand on his shoulder, but he didn’t let up.

What even was the point to everything? There was no good ending for Remus, he should have known that from the very start. He could either live his life alone, any attention paid to him fleeting and begrudging, but still be the person- no matter what anyone thought otherwise- that he loved most in the world: himself.

Or he could be accepted, befriended, and let everyone quietly compartmentalize him as nothing worse that eccentric. It’d strip him of every integrity and sense of self, sure, but it’d be a version of him that was actually likeable.

It had been so easy to choose the first track all his life. Why did Patton have to go fucking everything up for him?

The grip on his shoulder tightened, like Patton knew what he was thinking. Well, that wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities- Patton must have known what he was feeling, with his stupid empathic power. Out of spite, Remus pushed himself to wallow even worse. Maybe he could get it to rub off on Morality, maybe then he’d see that pushing Remus’ buttons was a bad idea.

But he was so fucking stubborn. He was so fucking stubborn that he whined in sympathy, the sound garbled by the water, and pulled Remus up into a hug. 

Remus didn’t bite or scratch. He stayed tense until Patton was all wrapped up around him. He was crying, probably, but the water made it impossible to tell either way.

“I’m sorry,” barely intelligible, Patton’s whisper came in a spout of bubbles. “I’m really, really sorry. We need to talk.”

Remus clenched his fists, released them, tightened them again. His head was shoved to an angle, neck aching, from the way he was embraced. He pressed his hands- palms forward- on Patton’s shoulders, and let his jagged talons rest on the side’s skin. 

Then he splayed his fingers out, holding onto Patton with the least sharp parts of himself only, and the world began to sway.

The carpet was soaked-through as soon as they landed, splat, in a tangled heap on Remus’ floor. Patton pulled free as quickly as he could, scrambling away. Remus sat up, smirking despite the tears now visibly pouring down his face, and was tempted to tease the moral side: See, your stomach really is too weak to touch me! I tried to warn you!

And then Patton was vomiting.

Well, vomit  was a strong word- all he had in him was bile, water, and phlegm, but it still wasn’t… great. He was doubled over, knees planted on the ground with one hand braced on the floor, the other he used to hug himself tight. He gagged, retching loudly, and rocked forwards with a groan. Salt water poured from his mouth, streamed past his lips, dribbling in a sick-smelling puddle on the floor.

With a final few coughs, he was done. Shaking, still heaving, but done. 

“Uh, are you okay?”

Patton looked up with wide, watery eyes, like he’d forgotten Remus was even there.

“Sorry, again,” he croaked, “I’ve never been underwater that long.”

Fuck. Fuck.

“You- you can’t breath underwater?” Remus tried to ignore the stabs of worry he felt, but they stuck so sharply in his chest that it was infeasible. 

Patton sat back on his heels, weakly shrugging. 

“I think I could, if I had tried hard enough- we can kinda do anything,” his voice was hoarse and broken. “But either way, we can’t really die and I wasn’t sure where that portal would lead, so by the time I got to you I figured it’d just be easier to power through it.”

Remus pressed a hand to his own forehead, reeling.

“That whole time we were in there, you were drowning?”

Patton shrugged again, sheepish.

“More or less. I just wanted to talk to you, so I kinda forgot about it. Also those, uhm, creatures- they were pretty…” He flushed, pupils dilated in fear at just the thought, “Distracting.”

Remus started laughing, and he stopped just as quick. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them as wide as he could. He grinned, it felt wrong, he frowned, and that didn’t feel any better. He tasted copper in the back of his throat, but it wasn’t blood or salt or pennies. 

It was guilt.

“I threw fucked-up deep sea monsters at you while you were being asphyxiated, and you didn’t even blink?” Earlier, Remus had thought it was just a bruise to his ego, proving that he really couldn’t leave an impact. But it felt like the exact opposite now, as clearly he had affected Patton, worse than he ever should have. “You kept going?” His hands- and voice- were shaking. “To get to me?”

Patton met his eyes. He tipped his head to one side, and just smiled.

Remus’ breath hitched. Oh, he’d left an impact, one that unlike any other he’d ever tried to leave on Morality, and he didn’t know what to do with it. He’d made an impact on Patton, somehow, somewhere, to the point where Patton was so attached- attached, a positive one this time- that he would endure all that he just did for him. Patton would. For him.

“But why!?” 

The shout hit the room like a hammer smashing glass, and Remus realized just how softly he had to have been speaking before. Now, though, he leapt to his feet, his wrists twisting in involuntary jolts of frustration. He was pacing in stomps, his head thrown back while a stream of words poured out of his mouth.

“Why do you keep doing this? What do you want from me, Patton? Do you want me to be a misunderstood soft-hearted baby, all along just doing fucked-up stuff for attention? Because, yeah, I’d love a little attention- who doesn’t?- but this is more than that, this is who I am, I’m just like this! I can’t change that, I don’t want to change that, and we both know that you don’t like the kind of things that I am. You like- you like what I could maybe possibly be, if you fixed me, and you can’t just-!”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

Remus went quiet. Patton’s breaths were coming in short gasps, his hands shaking as he struggled to his feet. 

“You used to scare me so much,” he leaned on the bed frame to stay upright, and he looked green. Sickness or frogness, it was unclear which. “I didn’t understand then. Even the other night, when you gave me- gave me that gift, I didn’t get it. But when you ran, that’s what made me see, Remus.

“I always thought you were dangerous, that you didn’t have any compassion, maybe you just wanted to hurt us. The dead animal- taxidermy,” he corrected himself, “Kinda… fed into that. I was thinking so simple, though, I- I always do that-, and you just aren’t. Simple, I mean. But that’s good!” Patton’s eyes went wistful, a grin ghosting his lips. “You do these things because they’re you, because you like to do them and it’s just the way you know how to do things, not because you actually wanted to make me feel bad. You are just misunderstood- not because you don’t actually mean the stuff you do, but because I didn’t understand what or why it was you did it! That’s why, even when you were so mad, you didn’t make those-” he ticked, “Those spider-things, hurt me.

“That’s why I like you, Remus. You aren’t how you seem, but you are. You try for me. And I am so, so sorry I couldn’t see what that meant, until now.” 

Remus stared at him. He had half a mind to argue, tell Patton that yes, he did like to hurt things, but. But it was obvious what Patton meant. That Patton trusted him. That he trusted Remus not to hurt him. And, in that regard, he was absolutely right.

Remus slipped over the small distance between them, hesitating a second before grabbing the sickly side’s waist. Gently, carefully, he guided him to sit down on the bed, taking a place beside him. Much better to talk without the risk of Patton keeling over at any time, after everything he’d been through. 

The silence didn’t seem to bother Patton, his head falling back and his breathing labored. He didn’t seem to expect a response at all. 

“Don’t apologize to me,” Remus said.

Patton blinked at him, slow, looking confused. “I think I owe you more than one apology, after all that mess.”

“I was trying to freak you out, you know, when I gave you the rat,” Remus snapped, his hands balled up. The guilt was overwhelming now- if this was how Patton felt all the time, he couldn’t imagine surviving it. “Not like how I usually do, but- I wanted to see what would break you, so that you’d stop trying to be my friend. So you’d stop, you know…” He growled the next bit under his breath, “Getting me attached to you, and everything. I just- didn’t expect your reaction to actually, like, affect me.” 

Remus glared at the ceiling, hating more than anything the way that shame felt inside something like him. 

“Remus, it’s okay, I still shouldn’t have-”

“No, shut up, listen,” he could feel bad about being rude another time, maybe, but this was important. Patton listened. “It doesn’t matter that I didn’t let a shark disembowel you, or whatever, you still- you got hurt. I freaked you out, and sure, you overreacted- but then that’s exactly what I did. And so of course you felt bad, you’ve got the sympathy of a fucking saint, and you tried to fix things, and I got you more hurt. Scared you just like old times, right?” He squeezed his eyes shut, feeling rough at every edge. “I’m sick of it. You’re trying so hard to be good to me, and dammit if I’m not gonna do the same, okay? Obviously you can handle me at my worst, so, I owe you my best- whatever the hell that is.”

A hand settled over his own.

“I forgive you.”

“Patton, you don’t have to-”

“Remus,” he murmured, “I forgive you.” 

Remus huffed. He felt some of the tension melt from his shoulders, and decided, fuck, why not. “You’re sure?”

Patton didn’t even hesitate: “Yeah.”

“I forgive you, too.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Remus exhaled, slow and steady. “Fuck, of course I do.”

Chapter Six

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @glitter-skeleton-uwu @donnieluvsthings @intruxiety @thefivecalls @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @gayformlessblob 

[agere-sanders]

Agere Sides Things Au??

Sfw interaction only

So I've posted a couple of agere sides things and it seems like people enjoy and I was wondering-

Would you guys want me to make this into a series?

Having an audience is a great way for me to feel motivated to actually complete a project, so I feel like I'd benefit from writing with you guy's support. Plus, itd be a great way to get to know some more about the agere side of the sanders sides fandom.

More Information below :)

[Keep Reading]

So heres some basic info about this (potential) au:

All the sides are regressors

They all take care of each other, although they all have their preferences

Everything would be completely platonic bc I'm really heccing aroace and not experienced in writing romantic stuff (and we need more platonic agere content)

Remy and Emile (as of November 19th, 2020) will not appear in this

Janus and Remus would both be sympathetic since I am incapable of writing my kiddos as anything otherwise (they're my favorites if you didnt know by now)

I may have a difficult time writing Patton correctly as he makes me uncomfy in the actual series bc of personal stuff, but I'll do my best

Since the series would be about agere stuff, I'd definitely tone down Remus'... uh suggestions bc getting pulled out of your headspace sucks and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone

I'd definitely add my own headcanons into this universe (and take some from any previous posts I have)

None of the sides would be related

This would be a human AU where they are all living together, meeting in college

Their ages wouldn't be specified, but I'd assume them to be in their mid-late 20's

I wouldn't want anyone to repost my works on anything else (although reblogs would be greatly appreciated)

Now, I'll put some ideas for the sides headcanons here. If you have any suggestions, let me know and I'l potentially add them :)

Logan Alexander:

He/him

Agender (projecting onto Logan again who-)

6 months to 9 years

Trusts Virgil most while regressed

Aromantic, unsure of sexual orientation (romance indifferent)

Long brown hair with an undercut

Very tall (6'3)

Brown eyes

Has the typical square glasses

Janus Woodlow:

She/they (look, when I have a headcanon, I can only write a character with that headcanon. So in literally everything I write, Jan uses she/they. Move on.)

Demigirl

5-7 years

Trusts Remus most while regressed

Greyromantic Greysexual

Shoulder length wavy honey brown hair

Average height (5'6)(is that average height? Idk anymore, I think so)

Brown right eye, green left eye

Septum piercing bc why not

Has a scar running vertical over their lip to their eye

Virgil Page:

They/them

Nonbinary (binds with trans tape)(keeps a schedule of when they're binding in case they regress and need to have it removed)

2-4 years

Trusts Patton and Logan most while regressed

Demiromantic asexual

Short and straight purple hair (naturally a very dark brown, almost black)

Short (barely 5')

Purple eyes

Has reading glasses

Has a lip ring (left side of their mouth)

Roman Kingsley:

She/he/they

Genderfluid

6-10 years

Trusts Remus the most while regressed

Aromantic bisexual (romance favorable)

Somewhat short, very curly red hair, although they straighten it on femme days (has mastered to make it look very androgynous)

Average-ish height (5'4)

Green eyes

Has a crown tattoo on their right ankle, and a semicolon on the inside of their ring finger (left hand)

Remus Lily:

Fae/faer (don't like, dont read. I'd rather not have people freaking out over my headcanons)

Genderqueer

4-5 years

Trusts Roman and Janus the most while regressed

Queer and asexual (look, Ik almost all of them are ace-spec, but theres very little representation)

Brown hair similar to Thomas', but has definitely impulsively dyed it neon green before

Average-ish height (5'5)

Blue eyes (probably owns red contacts tho)

Tongue piercing, snakebites

Fae probably has a rat tattoo, not sure where tho.

Patton Morris:

He/him

Trans Man (has had top surgery and is currently on T)

9-12 years (is kinda like an older brother to all of them)

Trusts Logan the most while regressed

Panromantic Pansexual

(Barely) wavy chin-length strawberry blonde hair

5'9

Grey eyes

A lot of freckles

Circular glasses

That' all I can think of rn. Let me know your thoughts on this :)

Hope you all enjoy this potential au :D

[anxiouslyfred]

Worst Type of Madness

For @dukexietyweek‘s prompt ‘High School’ I’m loving protective Remus atm and was out half the evening so that’s what I went for

Summary: Remus learnt to stand up to the bullies and is effectively his schools anti bullying policy. After their summer break he find out there’s been a new kid getting bullied and finally has the time to try and find where it’s happening and stop it.

Warnings: bullying, useless teachers, mentions of fighting, spider mentions

/\/\/\/\/\

Teachers don’t like it when Remus points out films and TV shows are wrong to suggest the bad boys are bullies. The outcasts were the ones to get bullied and bad boys always came that way from being bullied and learning how to stand up against them with violence when teachers ignored the problem.

Then again Remus have lived the process and knew how useless it was to make teachers hear anything they didn’t want to. He was loud in class so of course he had to have been the bully, not the kids attacking as a team, or showing up with things that had blatently been his the day before.

He had made sure that after the bullies decided he was too much trouble to keep going after he’d bring the trouble after them, protecting any kid he learnt was being bullied for whatever reason.

Some of those kids didn’t want to stick around him and that was fine. Remus didn’t really care beyond making sure they were safe and generally Roman would work on befriending them then. Others would follow him around occasionally, close enough to be called friends, but really just finding comfort in the maniacal safety he presented.

The point was that there hadn’t been any bullying he’d failed to stop before it escalated for half a school year, but with the return from the summer holidays there was talk of bullying problems again. All the friends in his protection had muttered something about making a new kid meet Remus but hadn’t managed it yet.

Remus wanted to meet whomever it was, but he’d made a deal with the art teacher that he’d take a role as a student assistant so he could have more time spent working on his own projects in the art classrooms. That had been taking up a lot of the time he’d usually fill with anything his mind came up with.

On Fridays he could still wander the school, searching out the messiest areas to “bask in the filthy gloriousness”, always leaving it tidier with hand dug flower beds by the time breaktime finished. Instead today he’d decided to seek out the beaten and the damned.

If the bullies weren’t already damned then he’d definitely be correcting that one at least.

The easiest way to find where anything could be happening was listening for a teachers yell to move along. The first time it was just for some kids messing about with the latest tradable toy to become a trend. Remus paused to increase his collections of the ones everyone hated for being too common.

Another yell had him wandering towards the vegetable garden, only to snicker at the sight of Janus trying once again to introduce native climbing vines to the trellis. They’d have a plant or two free for anybody who let them talk about the importance of native plants long enough but Remus had already been banned from bringing more plants home, no matter how well he looked about them.

With the third yell Remus found them, all cheery smiles and over friendly gestures as the group walked away from where a teacher was stood. Apparently the teacher couldn’t recognise the shaking, terrified boy in their midst.

“Oh, Troy, I keep being told I need to get introduced to the new kid, looks like you get the pleasure of introducing me.” Remus bounded over to them, going straight for the guy who had tried beating him up for the longest even after he first lost the fight.

“Remus. I’m fairly sure Virgil knows who his friends are, but sure, New kid, this is Remus the school pest.” Troy was frowning at him, clearly wanting to tell him to get out of there but held back by pretence with the teacher still nearby.

He hadn’t glanced back to look at Virgil as he made the introduction, although Remus was still watching him. Watching as one of the group muttered something with a snide grin, throwing an arm over Virgil’s shoulders, and as the boy hunched in, flinching away from the touch.

When faced with people that had failed to beat him up plenty of times Remus felt like he was parting the red sea as he moved forwards, closer to the new kid. “You know, if someone were to touch me in a way I didn’t like I’d hiss at them. Snakes, cats, racoons and badgers all agree if someone ignores a hiss the appropriate response is to bite.”

The immediate hiss directed at him just made him beam. “Pretty sure spiders suggest the same, although I’ve yet to find a version of Spiderman that hisses.” He added, recognising the character hidden under the boys hoodie now he was a bit closer.

“I’m not as fast talking though.” The first words he’d heaerd Virgil say yet were barely more than a mutter, punctuated with cautious glances around at the group near them.

“Bet you know some awesome songs though. You could quote them until you’re ready to fight back using your own words if you don’t just want to hiss all the time.” Remus suggested, finally glancing back at the sour expressions being thrown his way. “Kinda curious though. What was Troy’s little gang of popularity chasers asking you to do?”

“English homework. I get poetry according to the teach.” Virgil shrugged, clearly not believing the words.

Before Remus could respond at all a disgusted sigh interrupted them, “Guys lets just bounce. We’re not going to get anywhere now the trach has gotten involved.” Troy announced, turning to march away.

“Bet he’s left you in the trash more times than the reverse though.” Virgil snapped, pushing to be in front of Remus where they’d been standing, meeting the glare thrown back at him directly.

Remus just started snickering, “And here you seemed to be two steps from panicking when I came over. I thought I’d need breathing exercises when they left, not my camera for someone joining me in fighting back.”

“Panicking is part of fight or flight. It’s pretty easy for me to swap into fight when I can see the way out of an area. Are you the guy all those timid kids keep saying to find?” Virgil groused, rolling his eyes and hunching back down now it was just the pair of them chatting.

“That’s me, Remus. Was Troy telling the truth when he called you Virgil or am I changing your name in my head now?” He’d wanted to ask that from the start. There were a few other outcasts who the school knew by one name but as soon as Remus asked a second time said something completely different.

Virgil just shook his head. “Virgil or Virge if you like I guess. You able to teach me any self defence beyond the hissing and biting thing or should I just read up on spiders?”

“Oh I like you Virge. First time someone has actually asked to learn self defence rather than rely on my protection. So long as I don’t manage to creep you out by weeks end, this is the start of a messy complicated friendship!” Remus was cackling at the request, excited to have the chance to share his fighting skills.

Virgil narrowed his eyes, “Pretty sure you’re meant to say beautiful friendship though that would definitely be a lie.”

“And I leave lying to Janus when someone asks how a climbing plant started growing in their garden. Friendship is messy, complicated and the worst type of madness. Want to see if we make good friends?” Remus repeated the offer, fairly sure if he just insisted that was for Roman to claim not him he’d get a blank look.

Virgil snorted at the description at least. “I guess you can sign me up for the worst type of madness then.”

[365days365movies]

January 14, 2021: GoldenEye (1995) (Part 1)

He’s suave. He’s sophisticated. He’s spy. He’s...

The late, great Sean Connery. 

Ignoring the less then savory aspects of his personality (AKA the Barbara Walters interview...both of them), Connery is undoubtedly the most famous Scottish actor of all time. Sorry, Whovians, I love David Tennant, too. But Connery’s got him beat. He’s been in so many iconic films and roles, his influence is undeniable. But most famous of all is his turn as Agent 007, the man himself, James Bond.

I’ve seen all of Connery’s original Bond films (not counting Never Say Never Again), and my favorite is Goldfinger, in case you were wondering. But outside of that...I haven’t seen any Bond movies. Since him, the character’s been played by David Niven, George Lazenby (now THAT’S an interesting story, lemme tell you), Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton, and the two I’ll be looking at this month: Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig.

I’ll be looking at Brosnan tomorrow, in Casino Royale. But today, I’m looking at arguably the third most-famous Bond, Pierce Brosnan, in one of the most famous modern Bond movies, GoldenEye.

Also, yeah, never played the game I KNOW IT WAS A ‘90S CLASSIC I WASN’T ALLOWED TO HAVE VIDEO GAMES. 

So, what to expect from a Bond film? Well, I’ve got a checklist here, hold on...HERE we go:

Gadgets

Girls

Good-for-Nothings

...Good music?

I’m feeling a little alliterative of late. But, yeah, looking for the Bond Girl, looking for cool gadgets, looking for dastardly villains, and listening for the theme song for the film. Got my list set, and expectations are set to Connery levels. Let’s do this, shall we?

Recap

We start at a dam in Russia. Bond James Bond (Pierce Brosnan) is infiltrating the dam, and we get our gadgets checked off right away, as he whips out an acetylene torch. He barges in on a guy in the bathroom (rude, and awkward), then meets up with Alec, AKA Agent 006 (Sean “he dies, he’s the villain, or he’s the villain who dies” Bean).

Yeah, calling it now, Alec here’s gonna die, or he’s the villain, or he’s the villain who’s gonna die. It’s Sean Bean. More importantly, it’s Sean Bean in the ‘90s. There are very few options for him. Anyway, the Russians try to stop them from blowing up the plant, and...well, Alec’s being held hostage. Yyyyyyup. And he gets shot?

I don’t know how...but I’m betting that he’s still the villain. He’s Sean Bean. C’mon. He doesn’t die this early in a movie.

The unambiguously evil Russian general (hey, the Cold War just ended) almost get Bond, but he escapes in typical Bond fashion. They chase after him, and Bond chases an airplane. How, do you ask? I WILL FUCKING SHOW YOU HOW.

WHAT??? WHAT??? Physics just broke, and Issac Newton just tunneled to China. And then the facility blows up.

And THEN the opening begins. Let’s hear the Bond song and check out the opening.

...WOW. Just...I mean...OK, so Bond songs. From the first Bond movie, Dr. No, up until the one before this one, Licence to Kill, the intros were designed and directed by Maurice Binder. They were all composed of silhouetted women, often against colorful backgrounds, and almost always nude or skimpily dressed. There would often be themes or objects seen in the film itself, and sometimes actual scenes, often projected onto women themselves. They all definitely had a similar feel and style. And then, Binder sadly passed away in 1991.

Enter Daniel Kleinman. This is Kleinman’s first take, and this is also the first movie to use CGI. While it’s not terribly obvious or gaudy in the film proper, Kleinman uses this new technology to make this intro SURREAL AS HELL. It expresses the film’s connection to the fall of Soviet Russia, and a post-Cold War society. And is does that in a pretty obvious, if abstract and dramatic, manner. And honestly, on retospect...yeah. It definitely works. Even the song, which is sung by Tina Turner and written by Bono (yes, really), works well by itself, and in my opinion, better when with the actual film. So, crazy and weird as this sequence it...kinda grew on me. I like it! Weird, but I like it a lot.

We cut to nine years later, with Bond taking a woman on a drive/race on a cliffside highway with...well, there’s our Bond girl! This is Famke Jannsen, playing...Xenia Onatopp.

Yes. Really. Oh boy. We aren’t being even slightly subtle about this, huh.

The woman in the car demands him to stop, and they make out, as one would expect. That night, he heads to a party, as James Bond does. At the party, James enters a card game with Xenia. Again...as James Bond does. This is immediately followed by him hitting on Xenia, ordering a vodka martini (shaken not stirred), introducing himself as “Bond, James Bond,” commenting on the Bond Girl’s name, and saying suave shit. 

HOLY SHIT THAT SENTENCE ALONE HAPPENED WITHIN 1 MINUTE OF SCREEN TIME

Look, movie, when you got a Bond...you gotta space that shit out. Ration it a little bit, not front load all of it WITHIN FIVE MINUTES AFTER THE OPENING’S FINISHED. It’s like giving someone a beer, and then they EAT THE FRIDGE.

Jesus. OK, Miss Moneypenny (Samantha...Bond, that’s neat!) gives Bond some information, tells him not to have sex with Xenia until they tell him to (yes, really), and then say’s that she trusts he’ll say…”On-a-Topp of things.”

YES. REALLY.

Speaking of Xenia, she’s with an Admiral, having the most TERRIFYING sex I’ve ever seen in a movie. And I’m legit not sure if he survived after it. Like, real talk, it was...frightening. Somebody steals his ID, real nonchalant like, and we cut to the next morning, after his maybe-death? James makes it onto the yacht the next morning (they were on a yacht, by the way), planning on getting some information.

Meanwhile, the ID is used by...someone...to get into a leader of global military leaders. Pretty sure the Admiral got Kegel’d to death; not even joking, it’s a real possibility, and I am shaken AND stirred. And so was the Admiral.

See? Toldja.

Looks like their unveiling a new tactical helicopter, the Tiger. However, the pilots are shot by Xenia and someone else, and they take their place, stealing the helicopter. Bond tries to stop it...even though there’s literally no way he could’ve known they were going to steal the helicopter? I mean, I guess you could assume that, but...I dunno, it’s a stretch.

Meanwhile, in Siberia, a group of radar analysts or some such, where we meet Boris (Alan Cumming, who I feel like I never see play an actual Welsh person...or in a good movie) and Natalya (Izabella Scorupco). Boris is a thirsty computer nerd who hacks the US government for fun (because ‘90s nerds in movies were basically only this), and Natalya puts up with him.

The Tiger helicopter arrives, carrying Xenia and the General (Gottfried John, by the way) from the dam 9 years ago. They show up here, seeking something. Xenia shoots up the place, killing everybody except Natalya (and maybe Boris, since we didn’t see him die). Xenia, by the way, appears to be a straight sadist, enjoying inflicting pain on unsuspecting victims. The two leave, getting what they came for.

London! James Bond returns to MI6 headquarters, and meets his secretary Miss Moneypenny, who calls him the fuck OUT. She is my favorite character now.

MI6 has intercepted a distress call from the station in Siberia, and found the helicopter. The mission is heard by both Bond and M (Dame Judi Dench herself, pre-Cats). Meanwhile, the base in Siberia is hit an electromagnetic pulse originating from an orbiting satellite, which causes EVERYTHING to explode. Pretty sure that’s not what EMPs do, but why not? Suspension of disbelief. 

Natalya’s still alive in there, by the way. And she’s not having a great day. You know those work days, right? Your coworkers are all dead, your equipment and office space explode, you’re trapped in a burning building, two American jets get hit by an EMP and crash into the building. Mondays, amirite?

And in case literally everything didn’t make it clear by now, this is a Cold War movie, taking place after the Cold War was concluded. See, the McGuffin for this film (it’s a Bond film, it’s kind of a requirement) is Project GoldenEye, a nuclear weapon meant to detonate in the upper atmosphere, creating an EMP. The weapon was developed during the Cold War, and has now been stolen by the Janus Crime Syndicate, whose heads include Xenia Onatopp. General Ourmunov is also suspected to be a part of it.

This information all comes out during an exposition speech, as is standard for a Bond movie. But after that speech...OH...OH, it’s so good. See, up until now, Miss Moneypenny was really the only major female recurring supporting character in Bond’s life. But we’ve flipped the script, having M played by Dame Judi Dench. And lemme tell ya...what follows is Dench REAMING BOND THE FUCK OUT. And it’s glorious.

Mind changed, M is now my favorite character. She tells him what’s what, then gives him his mission: get GoldenEye back.

We finally get our big gadgets showcase, as we see...Q (Desmond Llewelyn)! First introduced in From Russia With Love in 1963, Q is the MI6’s spy gadget man, and has been played by Llewelyn since then! He’s the only remaining cast member from the original Connery films, and it’s awesome to see him here! He’s been in more James Bond movies than anyone else, at 17. Sadly, he died in 1999, but it’s still cool to see him! We get cool gadgets, of course, including a pen grenade, a car with missiles behind the headlights, a leather belt with a grapple, a LOT of shit in the background, and a missile hidden in a leg cast and wheelchair. This is such a funny sequence, and absolutely the best scene in the movie so far, holy shit. More of THAT, please.

Meanwhile, in St. Petersburg, the General finds out that Natalya is alive, as well as Boris being missing. Calling it now, he’s been taken by Janus, or he’s working with them. Bond arrives and meets up with CIA Agent Jack Wade (Joe Don Baker), whom I also really like. He’s had enough of Bond’s spy bullshit, and he cuts to the point. He also identifies himself by showing a rose tattoo with the name of his ex-wife, Muffy. Yes, really.

Bond meets up with a Russian gangster whom he has a...pre-existing relationship with. Apparently, he shot him in the knee, then slept with his wife. You stay classy, Jimmy. You stay classy. This man is Valentin Zukovsky (Robbie Coltrane), an ex-KGB agent and current gang leader. He tells him that the head of Janus is descended from Cossacks, a group of Russians that worked for the Nazis in World War II.

Natalya finds a way to contact Boris over the internet, who tells her to trust no one, and sets up a meeting with her at a church. This is, of course, a trap, as Boris is working with Janus. Xenia, for her part as a Bond Girl, does her duty and finds James to have sex with. Xenia, it should be noted, is ABSOLUTELY THE FREAKIEST of the Bond Girls. Like, Goddamn is she kinky, you have no idea. Like...is this sex or a fight scene? The film genuinely can’t decide.

Bond forces Xenia to take him to the head of Janus, who’s in a Soviet statuary of some kind. And who’s waiting there but…

Yup. Called it.

See you (and Sean “died, but didn’t die, and is a villain, but is still gonna die” Bean) in Part 2!

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Headcanons: The Sides Crying + Being Comforted by the Reader

It’s been a good while since I’ve written some headcanons for any of these boys, and I was in a hurt/comfort mood. So here’s what I came up with!

...........

Patton

Usually, Patton will cry from feeling any sort of extremely strong emotion (be it joy, sadness, anger, or nostalgia). 

He’s a quiet crier--short gasps and occasional whimpers usually encompass his sobs. And he might put on his kitten hoodie for comfort.

But he’s got a tendency to hide it from the others until he’s in his own room or the Nostalgia Room.

Ironically he tells others that crying is perfectly healthy and nothing to be ashamed of, although he doesn't often heed his own advice.

Logan scolded him the last time he did that, so he’s too nervous to cry around the Sides now, even though he missed the point of Logan’s words entirely.

Even around you he tries cracking some jokes, although they usually slip and reveal how he's really feeling.

The moment you ask “are you okay?”, he breaks down and lets his tears go.

When he’s hugging you (or you hug him) he already starts feeling so much better, regardless of whatever lead to him crying before.

Sometimes sitting together in silence helps him calm down, other times it’s you making some snacks or talking about a funny memory of you and Thomas.

He remembers all of them, of course, but he lets you talk about them anyway because your voice always cheers him up.

Logan

The precursor to him crying is an aching feeling in his chest, and him stammering over his words.

He tries to keep his voice even, so sometimes it’s hard to tell if he’s sad about something or if he’s just having trouble focusing on a task.

But if you somehow find out, he tries to dismiss the feelings, trying to make sense out of why he’s like this now.

However, that proves futile as sometimes there’s no particular reason or logic behind it.

When his mind fails to come to a sensible conclusion, he gives up and hastily takes off his glasses to wipe away some tears, cursing himself.

You could tell it’s an uncomfortable sensation for him, so you’d help distract him from whatever’s making him upset.

It turns out distractions do, indeed, work best for him. They get his brain out of its current mindset and focused on something else.

You could teach him about new idioms/slang words or ask him to help you with some homework, and he’d feel better in no time.

At a later time he may talk to you about what bothered him, although he's grateful that you helped him out.

Roman

As the drama queen prince that he is, he tends to be a bit of a loud and angry crier.

Creative blocks are his worst enemy, more awful than any imaginary demon or monster he’s fought to protect Thomas from, and he thinks he’s weak and a failure for not being able to get past them.

Plus, him feeling like the fans don’t appreciate him as much as they used to definitely gets to him at times.

Often he’ll just collapse onto his bed and weep for a long while, but if he’s really angry, he'll start wrecking stuff in his room until he tires himself out. 

Roman never likes talking about how he’s truly feeling, desperate to keep up his act, although it doesn’t take you long to see right through it.

Just take the sword and the whole facade away and you’d have a heartbroken man who just wants to be good enough.

If you open your arms up to him, he’ll collapse into them and vent about his insecurities through his wails of pain.

Sometimes he needs advice from someone on the outside, other times he just wants them to hear him. You always know which one.

Usually a Disney movie and time away from the writing and the scripts helps him settle down.

Although he can and will bawl at the saddest parts of said Disney movie even though he's seen them 100 times.

Virgil

Despite being the embodiment of anxiety, he’s fairly quiet when it comes to crying.

But he does show the most obvious physical signs he’s about to cry: darker and far more smudged eyeshadow, red glassy eyes, slight trembling, and elevated uneven breaths expelled in attempts to calm himself down.

Usually when he’s in such a state, his hoodie is zipped up and over his head, and he’s curled up in a ball somewhere in his room.

Music sometimes calms him down, although it doesn’t always drown out out the whispers of doubt and the fears of what the others think of him.

When you find him, or convince one of the other Sides to take you to him, he shrinks away from your words and/or touch, at first.

So you gotta be patient with him and let him know what you’re gonna do. You don’t want him to shut himself in anymore than he already is.

Eventually he does accept your comfort.

Mostly in the form of him resting his head on your chest. It especially muffles the soft sobs he sometimes lets out.

He needs to hear your voice, so you could talk about the dumbest shit and he’d still smile and calm down a little.

Janus

It is exceptionally rare for Janus to ever cry, considering the image and pride he tries to keep up.

He tends to drawl out his s’s far more whenever he’s upset.

Usually he’d tear up if he’s getting extremely frustrated with the “Light Sides” and can’t seem to convince Thomas he’s right about something.

But the one time he did cry of happiness in front of you was during his “birthday”, aka the day of his reveal.

The Sides were hesitant to give him any gifts, considering their distrust of him, and it...kinda hurt him a lot.

He may be cruel at times and try to sway Thomas into being selfish, but Janus was just made that way. It wasn’t his choice.

However, you showed up to the dark side of the Mindscape with a gift: a custom-made plush snake with two heads, gold scales, a black underbelly, and yellow eyes.

He immediately suspects you were forced by one of the others to give him something, although he can't see any trace of lying in your eyes.

He broke down after realizing this, tears streaming down his face as he rubbed them away with his glove, clutching the snake.

You weren't expecting that kind of reaction, so you just pat his shoulder comfortingly until he settles down, not wanting to tease him for showing his emotions.

After he tells you he’s happy and grateful you even thought about doing this for him, you smile and nervously ask if he wants a hug.

That gets him choked up, too, and he accepts it with a smile of his own.

Remus

It makes perfect sense that Remus crying would be just as disgusting as every other aspect of him is.

Spoiler: He’s a gross and ugly crier.

Usually it happens after the loneliness gets to him too much. 

He’s a hyperromantic, but he knows nobody would ever love him and he’s always meant to be ignored.

So he keeps imagining lewd and vulgar romantic scenarios and makes Thomas think of them as a way of projecting his (Remus’) insecurities onto him.

Whenever Thomas tells you about it, you decide to confront Remus alone...only to find him sobbing hysterically on his bed, even more of a wreck than he usually is.

His face is blotchy and a mess of snot and tears, which he doesn’t even bother to wipe away. He’ll just stare at you and keep crying until you do or say something.

If you awkwardly offer him a hug, he won’t let go of you for a long, long time. His hugs are bone-crushing, although he eases up once you return the embrace. 

The man’s just so damn touch-starved. He loses all knowledge of boundaries and personal space at the slightest touch of affection.

At that point he just babbles whatever hurt he’s feeling, rubbing his messy face all over your clothes until he wears himself out.

Surprisingly he thanks you for comforting him, before he lets you go about your day like nothing ever happened.

But every once in a while, he'll seek out comfort from you whenever he was legitimately sad. Only because he likes your hugs.

[hottestthingalive]

Can't chose just one question, so: From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? What element of writing do you find comes easily? Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process?

1. A solid 3.5 or a 4, I think. It’s pretty good, but could definitely use work!

5. The wip I’m writing currently, featuring Dragon Witch Virgil -- but of my published works, I’m actually quite proud of Of Brothers and Bad Guys and Changes Tricks and Trust! 

6. If any element of writing comes easy to me, it’s probably editing? It’s hard to motivate myself to do it, but once I’m in the zone I’m a pretty decent editor; although my friends are often my soundboards for my work and will often beta stuff ahead of time, I do most of the editing myself before I ever show it to them. Believe me, my fics improve vastly after editing, although I will say that Tumblr and Ao3 both make me put an extra hour into editing each because they both force me to completely reformat before I post things on them. 

12. Okay, so you’ve all been hearing me vagueblog about it for months, but I’m actually so excited for like to a lonely dragon, which is the working title for that Dragon Witch Virgil fic I mentioned above. This universe is so fun, and has evolved so drastically from what it originally was, and also it’s so unbelievably angsty that every time I open the doc I rub my hands together in evil glee. It’s also got lots of metaphor, which I’m experimenting with a lot in this story, including comparisons to death, fog, and the seasons, and has a main pairing of LAMP, with background dukeceit (and possible anxceit and maybe dukexiety in a short sequel, because Janus and Virgil’s dynamic in this fic is my favorite thing, and Remus has a special place in my heart). The draft of the first chapter alone is 14K+ words, which is almost as long as three chapters of Bluebells, so this one, if I ever get it finished and posted, will be long. 

16. I am a sucker for found family!!!

17. I don’t know if this counts as a trope, but unsympathetic sides? It just makes me sad. Morally grey is the most you’d get from me. 

30. Can’t I have both???? But... if I had to pick, I really am a merciless angst type of person. 

32. Since this whole thing seems to be about lonely dragon: Immortal gays meet and avoid healthy communication at all costs. 

33. I am unfortunately jumping between projects at all times, and sometimes have extreme difficulty focusing. I also have a very busy life outside of Tumblr, so fics I talk about may come out months or years after I first mention them. Believe me, I’m as angry at myself as you are. 

questions for fanfic writers!

[watercolourcypress]

Ao3

Prologue / Part 2

Warnings: mentions of a panic attack

Pairings: QPL Intruanxceit, Romantic Royality, Familial Analogical, Familial Moxiety

Illogical

Chapter 1

Of all the things Virgil was expecting to find walking into the room, this was not one of them.

Xie was exhausted. Looking at xir watch, it was about 11am, xie’d just finished a lecture and was already done for the day, emotionally. Xie was lucky that xir next lecture was around 3, so xie had time to spend on other work, or, since xir mind was not nearly awake enough to do any real work just yet, to play with xir pet project, affectionately named L0G4N. Janus often complained to xem about how much time xie wasted taking care of xir program when xie should be working on so many other projects that would “Actually bring some income into the house, Vee,”, but xie wasn’t apologetic. Xie absolutely loved taking care of L0G4N, as it was nothing like xir run-of-the-mill company assignments, which all really followed the same logic and didn’t actually stimulate xem creatively at all. No, L0G4N was xir passion, an attempt to create a fully-sentient AI, the likes of which had been attempted before with no success. The best part was that xie didn’t even expect it to work, xie was doing it entirely because it satisfied xir curiosity, and xie enjoyed the challenge of figuring out how to program ideas that even xie didn’t understand. It helped that xir brother was in the mental health sector, that he could help xem when xie was stuck, but even then there were theories that neither of them really understood. That’s what made it so fulfilling for xem.

Virgil walked into the room with a sigh, as xie wanted to spend an hour or three chilling with L0G4N and relaxing xir brain before xie was forced to actually do work, and was brought up short as the output screen was covered in red lettering.

Xir eyebrows furrowed in malcontent and xie strode toward the screen, leaning over the back of xir chair. It was a stream of blank errors. That was incredibly concerning, because what the hell happened to L0G4N whilst Virgil wasn’t there?

Brain working overdrive, xie fell into xir chair and brought up the details of the program. It was running incredibly slowly, and was heating to frankly dangerous levels, which was even more concerning, but not entirely unexpected. Xie was lucky xie had the foresight to invest in incredibly efficient cooling systems, because xie knew AI could take a lot of processing, especially AI as complex as L0G4N. Still, this was the most non-functional the system had ever been.

Xie took a breath and got xemself a drink of tea from xir flask. Chamomile, because it helped with xir panic attacks. Sighing again, xie focused on the screen, and brought up the output log, scrolling back. For a long time, it was mostly just empty errors, with random “Overheating”s thrown in, which didn’t help the panic slowly rising in xir throat, but far enough back, when the timestamp was around 6:30, xie had more to work with.

 What do you mean, “sensation”? Did I read that right?

Xie massaged xir temples and took a long drink of tea before re-reading the old error reports again. Since when did L0G4N have a sense of self? Using “I” and “me”, what was this??

Suddenly an electronic beep echoed out of the speakers, making xem jump. It had never done that before.

 Wait… is it trying to get my attention?

It would be mad. Xie was sure this was some weird dream, that xie’d become too obsessed with xir passion project, because no way had xir program gained autonomy since xie last left it. Surely not. Surely.

Xie scrolled back down the page to the new messages.

 (“Request: Dr V. R. Willow assist me”)

 (“Request: Dr V. R. Willow it hurts”)

 (“Request: Dr V. R. Willow I require your assistance”)

 (“Request: Dr V. R. Willow do something”)

 (“Error: I do not know what to do”)

Virgil was stunned. What in the world was this?? Surely xie was in a coma of some sort, or was hallucinating. Surely.

Xie dialled Janus, needing some kind of confirmation that this was reality, and also someone to help in case the panic in xir throat became too overwhelming, and brought up an input screen.

‘What is happening?’

Immediately, xie got a response, in addition to a spike in the temperature of the computer.

 (“Error: I do not know”)

 (“Error: I am in pain”)

 (“Request: Assist me”)

 (“Statement: I need your help”)

As Janus picked up the call, Virgil tried to comprehend what the AI was telling xem.

They sounded tired. “What’s wrong? I certainly wasn’t in the middle of a lecture and you definitely didn’t know that, so why did you call me?”

“Janus, I don’t know what to do, Logan is acting really weird.” Xir words were rushing over each other.

“What do you mean ‘weird’?”

Virgil took a shuddering breath and ran a hand through xir hair, “Just please come here when you can, consider it an emergency, I don’t know what to do.”

More messages popped up on the screen.

 (“Enquiry: What are you doing”)

 (“Request: Do something”)

 (“Statement: Are you bringing another”)

 (“Enquiry: Will this help me”)

 (“Request: Help me”)

 (“Error: I do not understand”)

Virgil tuned back into the conversation. Janus was desperately trying to get xir attention.

“I’m sorry, Logan was talking to me, I need to help it.”

“What’s happening Virgil? Can’t you just explain?”

Virgil looked over as more messages came up on the screen, and prepared to type as xie ended the call. “I’m sorry I can’t, but I need to go, see you soon.”

Xie winced as xie heard Janus’ concerned questions cut off, but immediately got to typing into the input. Xie couldn’t really comprehend it, but xie could tell that L0G4N was having a panic attack, and needed to calm down before the overheating system caused a fire, or corruption, or something equally drastic.

‘Okay, calm down. You don’t need to understand this right now, but tell me how you’re in pain.’

Another near-immediate response.

 (“Statement: Accumulated Errors create pain”)

 (“Error: Cannot understand concept of Pain”)

 (“Error: I am in pain”)

 (“Error: Cannot understand concept of Pain”)

Before this could continue much longer, Virgil interrupted.

‘You need to calm down. You do not need to understand this right now. Can you relax or something?’

 (“Error: What do you mean”)

‘Can you ignore the fact that it doesn’t make sense for just a moment?’

 (“Error: Unknown concept: ignore”)

Virgil got ready to type again, to attempt to explain the concept, but after a few agonising seconds, the AI got there first.

 (“Statement: I will attempt”)

Xie sighed in premature relief, typing again.

‘Does that decrease the pain?’

Another very slow response.

 (“Statement: The pain has decreased”)

Virgil heard footsteps down the hallway, indicating Janus was about to burst in.

 (“Enquiry: Do you know what is happening to me”)

Xie didn’t get chance to start typing before the door was thrown open.

“Okay Virgil, what was so important here that I had to cut my lecture short by half an hour?”

Janus was dressed in their smart-casual style, an undone yellow-embroidered waistcoat over a black button-down with the sleeves rolled up and the first button loose. Their short hair was tied back at the nape of their neck with the bangs swept to the side, and their heterochromic green and brown eyes sparked with annoyance towards Virgil.

Virgil ignored their annoyed remark. “Look at this,” xie said, gesturing to the output log, and continuing to type.

‘I think you might have gained awareness. This has never been seen before, but it would make sense that all these new sensations would create so many errors.'

In the seconds of silence that followed, Janus looked towards xem, looking at what xie’d been typing, and whispered, “What the fuck,” under their breath.

Another message appeared, and both their attentions turned to it.

 (“Statement: ‘sensations’ consistent with theoretical idea of ‘awareness’ or ‘sentience’ or ‘consciousness’”)

Janus whispered, “Thank god you gave it access to the internet”, and Virgil chuckled distractedly.

“I think I just developed the first ever sentient AI.”, xie muttered.

 (“Statement: It appears that you did”)

Janus yelped, “Wait it can hear us?”

“Well the computer has a microphone,” Virgil replied, “It must be able to.”

 (“Statement: True”)

 (“Statement: My Natural Language Processing enables me to understand parts of your speech”)

 (“Statement: Although not as accurately as typed input”)

There were a few seconds of silence before Janus broke it.

“Well then. What do we do now?”