#depersonalization cw

[valeriapryanikova]

weirdcore grian for the soul 

[fictionkinfessions]

Mpc if it's any consolation I once had someone say to my face that they thought they factkinned me, so I understand to a fault the parasocial messages debacle

What the fuck. That's kinda a consolation but also I'm so sorry that happened to you.

The internet was a mistake! Let's all go back to roaming nomadic lifestyles with occasional massive super cities like Çatalhöyük.

[or not, I love functioning toilets and not dying of easily treated diseases]

Connie / mod party cat

[solarisgod]

▌ ANHABUILDING.EXE ／／ : AWARENESS ᐟ ᐟ * [ CW ] MENTIONS OF DEREALIZATION, DEPERSONALIZATION, DRUG USAGE & ADDICTION, SELF-HARM URGES, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS, & UNREALITY.

› GENERAL ᐟ ᐟ ⑉ AWARENESS IS A KNOWLEDGE ANTIGODS OBTAIN AS THEIR EXITALE EVENT ENDS OF BEING A CHARACTER IN A FICTIONAL STORY AND UNREAL UNIVERSE THAT WERE MADE TO ENTERTAIN THE AUDIENCE.

› AWARENESS_LEVEL ᐟ ᐟ ⑉ The Order System can can be used to identify the general level of Awareness an Antigod have.

་ ، 𖥔 ORDER 1 : The character who knows they are in a story, but not the specific nature of that story.

་ ، 𖥔 ORDER 2 : The character who not only knows they are in a story but knows the nature of that story ( i.e. is aware they are in a horror story, therefore, can predict the possibilities based on general horror centric tropes and plotlines ).

་ ، 𖥔 ORDER 3 : The character who is not only aware of the story’s form and genre, but everything of the events and details in order.

་ ، 𖥔 ORDER 4 : The character who is not only aware of everything within the story, but also the Audience’s existence beyond the Four Walls of the Narrative while they are able to see and directly interact with the Audience.

› SIDE_EFFECTS ᐟ ᐟ ⑉ THE FOLLOWING SIDE EFFECTS OF HAVING AWARENESS ARE, THOUGH NOT LIMITED TO : ANXIETY, DECLINE IN SANITY, DEPRESSION, DEREALIZATION-DEPERSONALIZATION, HOPELESSNESS, PARANOIA, SELF-HARM URGES, SUICIDAL IDEATIONS, TIME BLINDNESS, VERTIGO, AND FREQUENT FEELINGS OF "BEING WATCHED" AND "NOTHING MATTERS IN THE END".

› EXTRA_SENSE ᐟ ᐟ ⑉ Awareness also functions as a "extrasensory perception" that Antigods can receive precognition of a future event in a few seconds to minutes, even hours to weeks before the actual event occurs. The precognition of the Awareness can be taken in a shape of dream, vision, or fact. The stronger the Antigod is, the sooner the precognition aspect of their Awareness will become active. When the Awareness gets triggered by the upcoming event, the Antigod will generally experience a head splitting pain. Other symptoms that are commonly experienced when the triggers happen excessively at a time are blurred visions, headaches, fatigues, and nausea.

› ATARAXIA ᐟ ᐟ ⑉ Ataraxia is a consumable herbal medicine that Antigods, mainly those who are over Order 3, use to temporarily dull or reduce their Awareness, given that having this special knowledge can form a variety of undesired effects to them. Sinners and especially Martyrs are known to create and sell Ataraxia across the Antigod community. The herb is palm sized in various colours and sizes that is absorbed with an Antigod's anthaima, which is a bodily liquid that appears and functions similarly to blood for human and ichor for the divinity, tasting as sweetly iron. ( * VISUAL REFERENCES : 1, 2, 3 // ). One take of Ataraxia makes a single hour of reducing the Awareness, although depending on how weak the user may be, taking at least four to eight times in a day can be dangerous, leading to coma or even death. Heads of Break Beyond Force highly discourage Antigods to use Ataraxia due to the side effects and addictive potentials, instead suggesting resilience trainings in order to develop better endurance of Awareness and management of its side effects, though some Antigods have no patience to engage in the trainings, finding Ataraxia the only best way to cope with their Awareness.

[the-coiner-prince]

CW : depersonalization

Depersonagenderness / Depersonagender

[ depersona(lization) + gender + ness ~~ depersonagenderness ]

[ depersona(lization) + gender ~~ depersonagender ]

As an umbrella term it is for when one has a gender / genders that isn't / aren't felt at times due to depersonalization , or that is / are less intense at times due to depersonalization . It can also be a term for a gender that isn't felt / is less intense at times due to depersonalization ( depersonagender ) . It may be a modifier , for example a depersonaboy would be one that is a boy , but sometimes this gender isn't felt or is less intense due to depersonalization .

[ flag ID : two rectangular flags with five horizontal straight stripes, on the first flag the middle stripe is blurred. the colours from top to bottom are: muted dark purple, grayish muted purple, dark gray, muted lilac, and muted dark purple. end ID ]

Coined by the prince 👑

[killercmd]

@deadcmd sent a broadcast: v's feelings on the gala massacre. let's go. it counts as a canon scene!!! post → title: ❝ out in the open, no one to save me ❞ → answered inbox meme (send a canon scene for my muse's feelings on it - accepting) content warning: graphic descriptions of organic gore, violence, body horror / mutilation, the ever-oppressive fear of your existence making you a puppet to one's demands regardless of how volatile

What have I done? It's the only thought that goes through your head as a loud ringing sounds in your auditory sensors and you stare down at viscous red dripping from disgusting, fleshy limbs in the shape of claws. Your chest shudders as it expands and contracts unstably, hysterical giggling breaking up what would otherwise sound like sobbing. There's so much blood... so, so much blood...

You can only remember so much leading up to this moment. Cyn was most prevalent. You recall crawling from the basement, unnatural limbs something you weren't consciously used to navigating with yet they moved as though they'd always been part of you; grotesque flesh makes up a hand and thin fingers that end in sharp points. Equally fleshy, tattered wings expanded from your back; you had a long tail with a pustule sack beneath the glowing eye wrapped within, something of a blade creating a deadly tip to it.

You had made your way up onto the ceiling of the ballroom, and as the lights suddenly went out, an X appeared upon your visor, your HUID becoming mixes of orange and yellow. An unnaturally wide smile parted your maw, baring sharp teeth and allowing saliva to drip down onto the man beneath you. All you feel is an endless, bottomless hunger burning in your stomach. You need to eat. You're so, so hungry.

As you focused on one of the many humans now trapped in the ballroom, you noted a crosshair hovering over them. [ TARGET LOCKED ]. In a flurry of yellow glow and flesh and blood, you launched from your perch onto the back of the confused target. A scream registers in your processors, but you ignore it, giggling as you sink your claws through thin fabric and pliable flesh to get to the BLOOD inside.

You are organic. You need blood, their blood. You need it to grow stronger, to become healthier. They don't need it. They've done nothing but waste their lives away while making yours a living Hell. It was only fair you finally reap what they sowed, wasn't it? Razor-sharp fangs make quick work on the soft flesh that you expose, ripping and tearing it from bone to draw that lifeforce to the surface.

One human wasn't enough. It's not enough. Never going to be enough. You launch yourself at another, draining them just as ruthlessly, before continuing to move along in a rinse-and-repeat cycle. Screaming, sobbing, all of it goes through your processors without acknowledgement. All of the warnings blaring in your visor are ignored in favour of a deep-rooted need for survival that continues to push you forward in your homicidal rampage.

Starved wolves would attack cattle. This was no different; humans were designed to be consumed. Their flesh, their blood, their guts. [ ALL OF IT WAS DESIGNED TO BE CONSUMED AND DESTROYED ]. You only stop eating once you no longer feel the hunger gnawing at your stomach, or the haze of s̶o̶m̵e̵t̷h̷i̸n̵g̵ ̴e̴l̶s̶e̶ controlling you.

Your eyes blip back to white pupils, smile fading into a horrified expression. You feel your stomach twist and you vomit a disgustingly viscous mix of blood, viscera, and oil. You sob, wail, scream. The scene in front of you makes you want to throw up again; gored bodies litter the ballroom, sprays of blood and organs painting the formerly pristine wooden walls a thick, disgusting red. Your servos are shaking. You want this nightmare to be over. Please please let it be over.

Where was N?

You just want to be with your friends...

When you look up, your gaze meets one remaining pair of equally white eyes.

Tessa.

You reach for her, only to recoil away from yourself when your sights set on the knives your fingers had been contorted into. No, no no no no. What have you done? Scrambling into a corner, you tuck yourself away into the darkness, using those tattered organic wings much like a veil to hide your shaking frame from sight.

The only indication you were still in the room was the very faint sound of muffled sobbing.

You're a monster.

. . .

You just want to end this dream.

[dreadgrace]

lark's mental state, list form:

easily startled at rest, occasionally

paired with above, will be staring at nothing and doesn't immediately respond when addressed

describes what she experiences (if trust is gained) as alike to sleepwalking or a fog, as though either she or the world aren't quite real

[dreadgrace-a]

❝  when will it cease, this monstrous rage of yours?  ❞ -> @vannaspar

when? when? in WORLD-DEATH. in a bleeding dawn devoid even of carrion birds. when she, not any of her kin, consumed even the sun. when she presented lord ao's bones as tribute. she desires no other end. father allows no other end.

she looks to Vann steadily, expression a grim void. there is no room for feigned emotion when there is none for lark. all exists to fulfill her lord's will.

❝ has my rage not been turned to our foes, týrran? ❞ she had not so much as touched him nor their other companions, finding her prey elsewhere, away from too-keen attention. that is all the grace she is willing to extend - for now, for now, to be the blade turned to temporarily shared threats.

[artekai]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Horizon: Zero Dawn (Video Game) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Major Character Death Characters: Original Male Character(s), Fross van der Meer (Original Zenith Character) Additional Tags: Tilda is also there and Stanley Chen is mentioned but this isn't about them, Pre-Canon, Canon Compliant Minor Character Death, Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Panic Attacks, Dissociation, Depersonalization, Derealization, Stream of Consciousness, Original Character-centric, Whumptober, Whumptober 2022

Summary:

On how Fross was feeling in the immediate aftermath of the destruction of the Sirius colony.

[perfectoffering]

╰          cis  man  ,  he/him/his          ☆          𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄  𝐔𝐏𝐎𝐍  𝐀  𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄  …      we’re  introduced  to  CIARAN  REYES  ,  the  FORTY  ONE  years  old  PIANO  INSTRUCTOR  at  MELODIOUS  MUSIC  SHOP  from  enchanted  falls  who  bears  a  striking  resemblance  to  OSCAR  ISAAC.  the  whispers  in  the  wind  tells  us  of  their  CHARMING  and MOODY  reputation,  that’s  why  the  townsfolk  often  are  reminded  of  manufactured memories  of  a  childhood  spent  in  the  hamptons,  as  ephemeral  and  shining  as  sea  foam;  expensive  red  wine  spilled  on  a  pack  of  cigarettes,  he’s  quitting  for  the  sixth  time  this  month;  the  cruelness  that  comes  from  a  fatal  lack  of  tenderness,  playing  people  like  chess  pieces  to  get  the  attention  you  deserve  now;  if  i  cannot  inspire  love,  i  will  cause  fear.    they  are  often  haunted  by  dreams  of  a  life  lived  as  CAPTAIN  HOOK  (  PETER  PAN  )  .    

i. because we stan disabled characters in this house, ciaran is still missing his left hand! the prosthetic he wears in enchanted falls is a somewhat rudimentary split hook rather than an actual prosthetic hand. he has basically full range of function with it, however, and is still an incredibly gifted piano player. his cursed memories allude to the loss of his hand as an infant. the story goes that a loose string from his mother's skirt got wrapped around his left hand while he was playing with it before bed. his parents left for a date, and by the time they went to get him in his crib the next morning, the circulation had been cut off for too long to save the hand.

ii. there's something funny about curses and the human ego. consciously, ciaran knows that no one leaves enchanted falls, not for any reason. but his family is incredibly wealthy, and have been for generations. why wouldn't they have summered in the hamptons? why shouldn't he have gone to eton? he's a gifted storyteller, and a convincing liar. when the dreams hit, it became just one too many versions of his life to carry around. the depersonalization became unmanageable, and his life hit a steady decline until it seemingly bottomed out.

iii. until around six months ago, ciaran was an english and history professor at the local college. that ended in an episode of public intoxication when he was meant to be teaching about the golden age of piracy. he had a meltdown, shouting at his students until he collapsed onto his desk, weeping hysterically. thankfully the owner of melodious music shop is an old family friend, and he's making just barely enough to scrape by. family fortune all but pissed away in the span of just a year, the ones closest to him ignored all the signs of the change in him until it was too late. just two years ago, ciaran reyes was a charming socialite, eligible bachelor, and esteemed professor. now he spends his time hunched over the piano of his musty, cluttered family home.

[valeriapryanikova]

self-portrait? 

[fictionkinfessions]

after a very long time struggling with depersonalization and derealization while trapped in my own Home, i have now kinfirmed Wally Darling. I've been Away from the community for years, but I miss my Friends and Neighbors : (

[anderwhohn]

@dutyworn asked: 🎭 : Is roleplaying/writing a way to cope when things get rough irl?

💌 Monday Malarkey [ meme - accepting ]

Eh, not really, because 'rough' is essentially a persistent daily constant for the last four years or so, and when things escalate even moreso above the normal level of stress, my attention span usually gets shot to hell and so I can't focus on writing even when I want to.

Plus with the speed of my writing - regardless of rp or casual writing for fanfic or original works - having slowed down significantly as my health has deteriorated over the years, while something might be written in the heat of the moment during high emotion, I'd probably already moved past it enough to not to want to keep dragging up the emotions that inspired the thing in the first place. (If I had more spoons, I could go into the psychology side of things a bit, but I just don't have the spoons, so suffice to say it'd be counterproductive to processing the things and coping/healing to keep reopening myself to those emotions, much like having PTSD triggered repeatedly in a short amount of time.)

Besides that, I struggle more to put words together in the right order when I'm highly stressed, given that I'm usually dealing with depersonalisation then as well. It's this reason I tend to self-isolate to work through things in private, and maybe try to find a suitable distraction to help me relax along the way. Writing, however, is no longer the right kind of distraction for such, especially roleplaying.

[solarisgod]

In regards to this scene with their parents, it's sad even when Micah was a child, just a toddler, people mythologized their existence and the strange events that linked to them ( e.g. random intense forest fire, some disappearances of their foster families, the fact that Micah was in a perfect state despite being in a burning environment ), and so little like their adoptive parents lean into believing in the most human causes and reasons for them. There's something heartbreaking in the concept that Micah was, already at around the age of one, disconnected with humanity that perceived them as not someone but something more, even when they act and appear like a human being. This mythologizing continues even to the point of their adult life, both prior to their Exiting from the whole world and after being an Antigod from the Antigodeus society.

It parallels to an important aspect of how the Narrative itself would try to make Micah lose their sense of humanity through being an Antigod, having a forbidden knowledge that they are not a real individual with free will, and instead, they are just a performer for the outer cosmic forces ( i.e. the Audience ), as well as being a Saint constantly subjected to the destruction and death. Micah never sees themself as a human either due to the impacts of the mythologizing along with several other factors, such as abuse and having special connections to nature and outer space, but after everything that happened while trapped in the Narrative Micah is so painfully aware of, they still try with everything in them to preserve their sense of humanity and cherish it close.

This detail in particular will be explained more into a separate study, but because of this treatment from both the world and narrative, Micah have certain personal beliefs and practices that they believe can maintain that sense, as Micah dreads of losing it.