#descriptions in between dialogue

[writingraven]

Writing Tips

Descriptions in Between Dialogue

✧

⤠ how characters interact with the environment

⇝ moving something, picking something up, looking somewhere

⤠ how the environment interacts with the characters

⇝ weather, other character’s actions or movements

⤠ gestures

⇝ facial expressions, body language

⤠ shifts in position

⇝ standing, sitting, leaning, shifting weight, crossing arms/legs

⤠ physical reactions

⇝ body temperature, fidgeting, heart rate, character quirks

⤠ environmental descriptions

⇝ descriptions using the five senses, setting, character’s appearances

⤠ internal dialogue

⇝ emotional reaction to what was said, reflection of past experiences, connections to other characters/settings/actions

➵ I want to reiterate… descriptions using the five senses ; when in doubt, think of the five senses your character is experiencing and pick what best moves the story forward

[stealingyourbones]

I can see Danny's ghost side affecting his human side and he starts to develope something along the lines of poliosis. After meeting the Bat Clan and meeting Jason in particular, they bond over their deaths and having white streaks of hair.

Oh Danny having matching white hair stripes with Jason is truly beautiful I love it so much.

Danny’s hair is like frighteningly white. Like people will normally assume that you’ve dyed your hair if you have a white streak in your hair at that young age.

Danny has absolutely no idea how to respond to the questions people bombard him with asking what hair dying processes he went through. Dying black hair to pure white takes some potentially dangerously strong levels of bleach and has a very high possibility of permanently damaging your hair if you do it wrong.

Danny’s go to response that it’s actually a medical issue and not hair dye normally makes people back off but on this one day this person just won’t stop asking. They continue to pester and ask exactly the medical condition and what was the cause of said condition. Danny feels trapped and is very overwhelmed but suddenly the person backs off.

Danny looks up to see a very tall and intimidating guy with a leather jacket berating his inquirer on personal privacy and keeping to yourself before turning to Danny.

The biker’s eyes slightly widen taking in Danny’s appearance and smiles in what could almost be a friendly grin for a Gothamite. “Well I’ll be damned. We match.” 

Sure enough, the big biker guy has an almost identical white streak in his hair to Danny’s.

Danny’s nervous grin he had plastered onto his face shifts into a genuine smile. He light heartedly shrugs his shoulders, “Guess we do. Small world and all that.”

“Yeah… Speaking of small world kid, your voice sounds familiar, have we met?”

Actually… now that the guy said it, his voice sounded familiar as well. Danny wracked his brain for any possible previous meetings with this guy. At first he thought it was just a coincidence but then he remembered the phone call he interrupted and then joined in with Dick heckling and chatting to someone on the other end.

“Oh shit, YOU’RE Jason?!”

[doodlejoltik]

what has pokemas DONE to me. i might be writing an actual fic again for the first time since [checks ao3] 2021

this won't be anything more than a quick oneshot but have a snippet of volo being mean to rei haha

[distortedmoondisc]

Do you ever think about the parallels between Rinne and Aira

Not only they have a shared interest in protecting Hiiro and ensuring his well-being/growth as a person, (and it's extra interesting given how Aira sort of dislikes Rinne for how he dealt with Hiiro in general—by leaving him alone at their hometown and disowning him in the summer of the MDM—, so even though they have the same interests and goals regarding Hiiro, they aren't exactly friends nor like each other — though this is mostly from Aira's part, because Rinne does like Aira and even acknowledges him as someone important to Hiiro that he must keep in his life), but Aira kinda is what Rinne used to be, before his dreams of becoming an idol we're crushed by the new rules of ES.

!! Main Story, Episode 171, "Revolution"

I've seen many people talk about how Rinne and Aira would get along because they're both idol otakus, but I believe that's a common misunderstanding of Rinne's character, because Rinne isn't an idol otaku (at least not anymore). He doesn't like the current idol system and the way Ensemble Square is running the industry. That's why he tried to change it by force in the !! Main Story by acting out. This is different from Aira, who loves the idols born from this system, and is a participant in the ES system that is going to hurt the industry in the long run (because ES is mass producing idols like a factory, stripping them from their own individuality and what makes idols especial in the first place — which is why Aira likes idols to begin with! Because they're different from ordinary people!)

!! Main Story, episode 220, "Despair"

Aira is aware that the idol industry isn't perfect, in episode 171 he even acknowledges that the mass production of idols similar to items of consumption made in a factory is wrong and it strips idols from their beauty and value, but he doesn't have the insight and first hand experience with heartbreak as Rinne had, so he doesn't have the motivation to protest or change the way ES is running the industry. They both love idols and dreamed of becoming one, but Rinne isn't an idol otaku, because he can't be a fan of idols mass produced by the current system.

What Rinne does instead, is support underground idols that would otherwise be trampled or forced to disappear by ES because they don't fit their sets of standards (and because ES has monopoly in the idol industry, they can easily do this without much repercussions or public outcry) and gives them his protection. This is explained throughout the course of the story of Night Club.

Nigh Club, Epilogue 2

Aira tries to impersonate an ideal idol persona, as the ones he watched when he was younger. He wants to embody a model idol and inspire others as idols inspired him in the past. Rinne used to be similar, but ES arbitrarily destroyed his solo career making him lose that dream, and that's why he embodies the wild and rebellious persona he portrays on stage, which is a complete opposite to how a traditional idol should act (and this is a constant point of conflict between him and other idols, such as Himeru; Himeru tends to scold Rinne for being so wild and doing whatever he wants because it goes against what is expected of an idol, but in Night Club he comes to understand that this is Rinne's soft way to protest against ES, despite having lost to them in the first part of the !! Main Story).

(Sometimes, I wonder if Rinne is happy being the wild and playful self he is with Crazy:B, or if he would prefer to be on stage as an ideal idol like he used to do years ago....)

However, despite their differences and the dislike/intimidation Aira might feel towards Rinne, he admits he understands his feelings and where he comes from, and that he can't help but to relate to him due to the fact that they both love idols. Aira scolds Rinne in episode 220 "Despair" to make him stop his pity party, but later in episode 224 "Flutter" he comforts and encourages him instead—telling him that he should not give up being an idol, because he recognizes that Rinne loves idols as much as he does, and that he still has a reason to live because he has fans of himself and of Crazy:B waiting for him among the crowd, meaning that he is still loved and accepted by someone, despite all the wreckage he had caused.

(And if I'm allowed to get personal for a moment, I just need to make emphasis in how important Aira is to the development of the Amagi brothers in the last arc of the !! main story, and this scene is a perfect example of that. Aira is the one who encourages Rinne to join the others on stage and sing, and after that it is Hiiro that pushes Rinne to give that step which finally leads them to perform on stage together 🥹)

So as we can see, Rinne and Aira have a lot of similarities, but they act in completely different ways due to their circumstances. They have similar backgrounds as idol lovers but they have different views and feelings about the industry and the profession, (however, they seem to share the same ideals as to what an idol should be, and love the same type of ideal idol inside their hearts). Adding to that their shared most beloved person, Hiiro, and how the two of them want what's best for him but they have a point of contention due to Rinne's bad actions in the !! Main Story, and their relationship becomes x10 more interesting, and I wish we talked about it more!

And we know Happyele hasn't forgotten about them, because Aira appeared in Rinne's recent relationship chart, just below Hiiro.

(also, a little unrelated, bu i think it's funny that despite having a heart to heart at the ending of the main story, their relationship is still "want to tease him" and "he's a little scary" ahdks Aira, who scolded Rinne in front of hundreds of people in the MDM, regressed to feeling intimidated and troubled by him. A couple of friends commented that it was probably because Aira had a burst of courage in the MDM because of the severity of the situation, so he had the determination to call out Rinne, a senior that he particularly feels intimidated by, publicly without second thought. It is canon that after the fact, Aira admitted that looking back on the MDM he felt embarrassed for doing such a bold thing. Idk, it's just something i find very interesting and fun about their dynamic www)

So this leads me to believe that they haven't forgotten about the history these two had in the main story, and all I can do is just wait for them to expand on their relationship and dynamic more eventually in some future event.

[hollowbait]

Ichigo was in awe. "Is it an invisibility ring? Oh my god, could I sneak up on Aizen and murder him wearing this?"

"Ah... no. Unfortunately, with all of the different powers existing in Seireitei, it would be too difficult to create an invisibility tool that accounted for every sense that would need to be accounted for." Kisuke looked genuinely regretful at not being able to provide Ichigo a way to become invisible and murder Aizen.

"Then what does it do?" Why bring a ring? Why not a gun? That would definitely surprise Aizen, considering guns hadn't been invented yet. In fact, why didn't Ichigo think of that sooner? He should've brought a gun!

"Well, firstly, this ring will bind us in holy matrimony, which will allow me to take you into Seireitei as my spouse."

All thoughts of guns immediately flew out of Ichigo's head.

"WHAT?"

[swearengen]

black sails “xii.” written by jonathan e. steinberg and dan shotz. 

[jahiera]

lae'zel my love who is deeply poetic for someone so brusque and hard

[inkblackorchid]

Reasons why I had to put the duel from chapter 4 of the WIP into a separate, new chapter, exhibit A: This is the duel, now in chapter 5. Just the duel. I didn't even add any of the other stuff that's supposed to happen in this chapter yet.

[vermillioncrown]

Fuck you and your writing. What the hell. How tbe fuck did you make a tasteful brothel scene, how the hell did you manage to do all this shit. This chapter was fuckin heart wrenching. I wanted to see WWX get fucked up and then he did and it wasn't satisfying, but it was good writing and i liked it regardless. God. How the hell did you do this shit. What the fuck.

:^) thank you, i hit my target :^) :^)

=

because i really, really cared about getting the exact flavor of this chapter right, so much so that it took over a year.

the brothel scene is so important in what it means in the fic, which is more than showing that zyx fucked. or that zyx fucked a girl for real. or to do some questioning of sexuality.

(which i think i had to go through the five stages of grief when someone excitedly talked about it like having sex means someone is no longer aspec like... every day i am confronted by the fact we all coexist with vastly different perspectives on reality, and these realities are all true to some extent, sigh)

it's also not about being edgy and buying hookers, getting drunk, and all that.

so without using prostitution, nightlife, and sex as a prop and just being real with it, i hope that it doesn't come off goofy, edgy, or objectifying. the perils of trying to convey complicated feelings without therapy speak in-fic, and being really honest in someone's motivations and reactions (bc, unavoidably, it IS an SI).

the brothel scene and its whole fallout was so important, in fact, that i rewrote the entire order of the chapter. originally, the scenes were supposed to be in chronological order. logical, but it just felt like a boring recounting of events. sure, the events are fresh and we wanna see what zyx-mess happens next, but it's just a bunch of 'and then, and then, and then'. works for interlude chapters (ch8, ch15), but this really isn't one.

seguing, i learned a lot from how i wrote bil. dbd will never be as lean as bil, but it reminded me that when i drafted the fic, i focused on certain developments and ideas for a reason. also, since it's a chapter that doesn't involve too many canon characters, which let's be real that's usually the reason we stick around these kinds of fics, it needed to have purpose and be clear about what feeling it's trying to convey

even at the cost of simplicity in order of events

it would have been so difficult to keep the type of upset that zyx is feeling through a chapter that spans months, develops two interpersonal relationships, has a big oopsie, in chronological order without a too-angsty tone. too many periodic reminders would feel jarring and obtrusive, and exaggerate it. and that's also just not how zyx (i) deal with upsets, thank you adhd

and like, doing that for 10k+. (eternally i thank my readers for their patience and willingness to read so much bc people don't read fanfic for deep analysis and extra hw...) that's too much.

=

the second most important scene is the wwx duel, you got it. (i'd lump the lxc duel there, too bc those two are kinda related)

(sometimes i worry i made wwx too annoying. but then i talk myself back--it's always perspective. wwx isn't doing more than he already did in canon. we just have someone who can articulate how they feel about what he does, and he's not the main narrator of dbd.)

we get to a very clear demonstration of zyx as a character--it's more or less "i have no mouth and i must scream". here's your chance to be violent. you know you want it. do it. act out, make yourself heard.

zyx doesn't do it.

and you know what? i will be honest, truly honest here: i am sorry if you can instantly clock why zyx is the way they are, because for real 'recognition of the self in the other'.

lack of satisfaction--when you know what you wanted all along was for something to have never have happened at all, would punishment (displaced punishment) satisfy you? would it fix you? sometimes it helps, just for a moment. but i've answered this question enough times that i know i'd rather have never had to ask that question in the first place.

=

tldr: it's because it's a chapter about emotional honesty, and i as the author was really fucking honest and tried my fucking best to convey that.

[aastarions]

good morning friends i bring a tiny snippet of the astarion fic hehe

[mejomonster]

Im trying to remind myself no matter how badly I write its still going to be better than some web cnovels I've waded through so I need to be less self critical

[daz4i]

i think the reason i struggle with writing action is i don't like consuming it either (in both written and visual forms of media) so i legit have no reference to base things on

[jorvikzelda]

Hm. Why have I not considered writing my novel drafts in screenplay-ish format before.

[hazuneji]

every other week or so im struck with the powerful urge to become an editor on the limbus wiki. its been an uphill battle every time i see smth that i know and isnt on there or that could be fixed. but holy shit would i never do anything else

[readingwriter92]

It’s such a weird like. Sorta nice feeling when I see my own writing and I’m like. “Whoa did I really write that?”

[nagititiis]

everything about how you write inspires me because you have such a beautiful way of stringing words together through metaphors so strong and consistent it paints a picture and sets a tone for any reply you ever do. you look so in-depth into interactions whether its your characterization of harus personality, background, or added culture you enlighten the reader with. the replies come so natural and the dialogue doesn't seem forced either. you just craft a specific atmosphere to all your works and its very enriching to be a part of it xoxo

HRNFHDJFFFFFJOSUUUUGGHHHAOIFORHFJGKCKGKBAAAAAAAA

WAUGH