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queer-as-used-by-tolkien · 1 year

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Character Study: Logan Thackeray

At the beginning of the PS, Logan Thackeray had been living in a blissful paradise for five years, one that said the dragons were not truly threats or at least could never threaten Kryta or at least could never threaten the queen, one that said he was capable enough to defend her because he had sacrificed everything for her.

It was a blissful paradise that was shattered when a single Risen soldier made it all the way to the queen's throne room, thirsting for her blood - a Risen that all the might of the actual Orders of Tyria could not pin down or kill beforehand.

The threat to the queen, despite all of Logan's actions to protect her, despite all of his sacrifices, makes Logan realize that what he has done is not enough; and if the queen dies now, as the battle rages in the throne room, was Snaff's death worth it? Was Glint's? Was it worth it letting down his team, failing to protect them? (No.)

Even when the queen survives, the threat is not gone, because the Elder Dragon that sent the threat is still out there. Logan knows he cannot shy away from this duty; he has to go against the dragon, and for that he needs Destiny's Edge. But just a moment ago he had a glimpse of the reality of his decision to leave his teammates, that it was selfishly motivated, and he feels a moment of remorse.

But he returns to denial, justifying his decision as he always had, that Queen Jennah is worth it and more important, that he did nothing wrong. He now needs to slay the Elder Dragons (or at least the one) so his queen will be safe. Always, everything for Jennah.

(Rytlock, of course, doesn't stand for any of this.)

Logan has some things to work through first, though he doesn't realize it yet.

~oOoOo~

It is notable that, throughout the PS, Logan's descriptions of himself and his actions to save Queen Jennah in Edge of Destiny go through several stages, each peeling back a layer of self-deception.

In Setting the Stage, the first confrontation between the members of Destiny's Edge, Logan says "I've done nothing that needs to be forgiven." Later, he sends a mail to the player saying "I made a choice to save Jennah; a choice I don't regret." This is his starting place; this is how he's felt for the last five years since he made that decision.

For most of the rest of the storyline, in terms of quantity of time, he acts rather than thinks; he leaves Jennah to go traveling when he is told to; he realizes things about the actual world; he seeks out Rytlock to make amends.

But once he has determined to solve things with Rytlock, he starts realizing things about himself; perhaps that he'd thought of before but didn't feel like sharing with the player. Most of this happens within the last ten levels of the PS.

In the Citadel of Flame dungeon, he tells Rytlock that "I left when I should have stayed. And I spent the last five years trying to justify it. I still like I did the right thing, but I'm sorry I left." He knows what he should have done, what he did instead, and that he's spent the last five years justifying it. He says he's sorry!

But does that mean he regrets having left? No. He contradicts himself; he still thinks he did the right thing. He's in cognitive dissonance, a psychological state where two held beliefs about the world don't line up. It results in the kind of self-contradictory or outright nonsensical dialogue (often termed 'word salad') we see here.

There could be many things at play here; perhaps he still thinks he was wholly in the right but wants to reconcile with Rytlock; perhaps he is starting to see he was in the wrong but doesn't want to admit Rytlock was right or lose moral standing in Rytlock's estimation. I think his word salad isn't quite so deceptive as that, at least not consciously. (This may be my bias, however, because I love psychological intrigue.)

I think he is starting to realize he was in the wrong, and is sorry for it, but does not truly regret his actions; he is, secretly, selfishly, glad things happened the way they happened, for whatever reasons, and he doesn't want to admit to himself that this selfishness is wrong. He does love Queen Jennah, he is glad she survived, and above all he does not want to re-calculate his priorities going forward. He wants to be able to admit he was wrong (but right, actually, so he still has the moral high ground within his own psyche), without having to change his behavior or the belief system that got him in this situation to begin with. See, even my explanation looks like word salad.

He wants to reconcile with Rytlock and go back to fighting dragons, but is not willing to do the internal, mental legwork to get there. He is willing to verbally say things that sound like an apology, he is willing to do lip-service to Rytlock's narrative of the world. "I left when I should have stayed. And I spent the last five years trying to justify it. I still feel like I did the right thing, but I'm sorry I left."

His dialogue is a word salad stemming from his psyche, but it is also littered with narrative hints.

I tried to justify it. This is true, and a valuable insight to his psychology. He's making excuses for himself because he can't live with the fact that he got Snaff killed, and it allows him to take the moral high ground against the rest of Destiny's Edge.

I still feel like I did the right thing - this is all that he is aware of right now. He doesn't realize all the self-denial and justification going on in his psyche.

I left when I should have stayed [and] I'm sorry I left - he does want to reconcile. He is sorry, consciously, but subconsciously he isn't willing to face the ramifications of that just yet.

That's his state in the Citadel of Flame dungeon. It isn't much, but it is progress from his prior state of 'I did nothing wrong, I don't regret it, you would have done the same, Queen Jennah was worth it, you just don't understand.'

Later, during the Crucible of Eternity dungeon, Logan says this: "I have to admit I feel bad about the break-up" great! Some honesty about what he's actually sorry for! (We know this isn't him becoming more self-aware because he's been trying to reconcile for fifty levels.) This also indicates that he's being more honest with himself, which is a necessary change that foreshadows/sets up his next dialogue.

He says, "I made what I thought was the right choice. I take responsibility for it, but I still feel I let the others down."

I made what I thought was the right choice - he retracts his earlier contradiction/word salad. He is now admitting that it was not the right choice, that he was wrong - which is solid progress and clears the way for the next step of the journey to clearing away his self-deception.

I take responsibility for it - perfect! He's manned up, taken the L, swallowed his pride, and is now taking responsibility for his own actions. Go Logan! This is brilliant. The character development-to-screentime ratio is really close with this one lol. I wish Anet would let us dig into it more. He has processed his own psychological barriers.

I still feel I let the others down - now we get to the real root of the problem: the guilt he feels for letting down his teammates, losing Snaff and Glint, and failing to defeat Kralkatorrik. That's some pretty weighty stuff there. It's not easy to live with the guilt - fully earned - of being responsible for the death of someone you care about. Logan is a guardian by profession; he protects people, especially those he cares about, and he failed. That's a blow to his pride as well. As a guardian, he's also innately a team player, so to have let them down is real problem for him.

No wonder he was so burdened by this guilt that he went into self-denial! He started justifying his actions by saying that Queen Jennah is more important than DE, therefore he made the right choice, therefore they can't blame him, and therefore he did nothing wrong. He's come a long way in a short while!

A lot of people hate on Logan for his bullheaded, idiotic, dumb, and dangerous decisions - and while that's fair, they fail to see the underlying character development and honest change that came from it.

A character that's willing to change and to face his own failures is infinitely more compelling than a character who never failed to begin with.

In the Arah dungeon, he reiterates the point, saying this: "I'm partly responsible for our group's break-up, and I owe the others a debt that I can never re-pay. [...] It's true that Rytlock and the others seem to have forgiven me. I'm just not sure I forgive myself."

So, of course, the next step to healing and wholeness is to actually deal with the guilt: he can't do anything to change his actions then, he certainly can't change the deaths of Snaff and Glint or the failure to kill Kralkatorrik.

But he needs to redeem himself in his own eyes, regain respect for himself, and realize that he can be better. He said something like this back at level 30, in a rare moment of self-perception after the queen was threatened by one of her own soldiers. "Do you think we can overcome our mistakes, my friend? Make up for things we've done?" (This was his first trigger, really; seeing himself in a corrupted soldier and realizing, for a moment at least, until it gets hard when DE meets up for the first time, that yes, he was in the wrong. This is what starts his journey of self-discovery.)

This moment in Arah is the climax of the journey that began where it started: with love for his queen and concern for her well-being. I do find it significant that although he changes, he never stops loving Queen Jennah. His love for her was real. As the queen was threatened by her own soldiers corrupted by Zhaitan, now Logan finally defeats his own inner demons, and confronts and helps kill Zhaitan itself.

He defeats his own inner demons - guilt, shame, self-blame - when Destiny's Edge is preparing to launch an airship. Risen Giants are closing in on them, and a piece of equipment for launch is broken: someone must stay behind.

Logan, who has not forgiven himself and probably feels as if he is worth less due to his desertion in the past, volunteers to stay behind in the face of certain death. Eir says "you don't have to do this," and Logan responds with "Yes, I do. For all of you. And for myself."

So he goes... and although he survives, this plot point does far more than kill him off for shock and then bring him back. Logan did his part; he faced death, alone, for his companions (as they faced death without him when he left, as Snaff faced death inside his golem, as Glint saw her end in Kralkatorrik's many-faceted eyes). He proved his worth by doing something vital for the team.

The team also needed this moment. They each had their own struggles separating them from the others, and losing Logan, as it had torn them apart before, now brings them together as they mourn his death. Zojja especially, though I won't get into her story here. Logan, new and improved, with a renewed self-confidence, returns to cheers and delight. He can now take pride in himself again.

Caithe asks, "Will you return to queen now, Logan?"

Logan responds, "No. Not until I know that Kryta's safe."

In conclusion, Logan's story is far more than just a besotted love story, an eye-rolling infatuation, an out-of-place romance when the world is at stake. Logan's story shows that inner demons can be just as tough to defeat as outer ones; inner demons can hold up the world for the sake of one poor decision, and they are not to be taken lightly. But they can be vanquished.

Logan is also an example of how most if not all of those who fight against the dragons do so for home and country, for family and friends, for loved ones and for national pride. No titanic struggle is meaningful without the loved ones waiting at home, and Logan's over-dramatized love for the queen perfectly captures this. In the end, do we not all love, in one way or another? Do we not all wish to see ourselves as heroes? Do we not all make mistakes?

The real victory is in overcoming those mistakes and making the world a better place for the people we care about.

#logan thackeray #character study #storyline study #<- this is a little of both I suppose #rytlock brimstone #destiny's edge #gw2 #dungeon #personal story #ps #queen jennah #human storyline #zhaitan #risen

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wall-legion · 2 years

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3, 4, & 8 for Rissia c: @ratasumportauthority

What person impacted them the most? Honestly? Vezz. Rissia started out her journey as a necromancer as, frankly, a very judgmental person. As a typical asura, she judged many for their perceived lack of intelligence; as someone from Rata Sum who'd heard the rumors about Theta-9. As soon as she found out that he was in her guild? Shock. Disgust. The audacity of it all. But then he... wasn't. He wasn't the smarmy Inquest bastard she anticipated, nor the smug jerk that Zojja had warned her about. Instead he was just tired and... well, lonely. At first she let him closer as a friend. Then one day she realized she was flirting with him because he could return fire and she liked it. A little while later, the realization came that he meant it when he complimented her. Very slowly, she fell in love with this broken man that was trying to remake himself, and in turn he helped her grow into a better version of herself. Assuming they're a commander, how close were they really to Destiny's Edge? To Trahearne? She wants to put Destiny's Edge under a microscope for DAYS. How does one group that works so well together under combat clash so consistently when they have to coexist outside of it? It boggles her mind to this day. She can see the cracks, and she knows where part of the break happened with the death of Snaff, but she feels like there was another break somewhere but she hasn't found it yet. (It's racism, Riss. They're all inherently distrustful towards each other because of racial biases.) As for Trahearne, she was not tremendously close to the former Pact Marshall but she did have a deep respect for the firstborn. As a fellow necromancer, she knows the level of distrust that some others in Tyria feel towards those who work with death magic. She was not present for his passing, but her guildmate Oaklinna was his partner and after everything that happened with Balthazar... she can relate to the feeling of waking up the next day and wishing you had just stayed asleep forever. She knows she was fortunate where Oaklinna was not. How willing are they to bend/break the rules for their cause (be it selfless or otherwise)? Rissia will take the rules over her knee and snap them like kindling, because rules are only there to be tested. (CSI Miami "YEAH" as she puts on sunglasses and rides off on her raptor Atrophy.)

#thanks for the ask!#ask game #arcanist rissia #references:#keeper vezz #oaklinna #gw2 trahearne #destiny's edge #gw2 balthazar

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