#destroying stuff with mike and alex

[josiebelladonna]

I admit that I don’t know what the hell i’m doing with this, and before you come at me, those prices are from a calculator, and I’ll admit that they feel steep. in fact, I have a pit in my stomach looking at them and I’m bracing myself for the “overpriced!!” comments. I regret this immediately, especially when I said that I’m finished on the career front.

but… it is what it is. I was asked a handful of times so here it is. I’ve been at this for a baker’s dozen years so I guess I work at $20/hr (digital drawings are done through the standard minimum wage of $15/hr and they take longer to make so I don’t do them often).

once i move, I’ll consider setting up a ko-fi because I haven’t had paypal in like… 12 years. tells you that the art world has completely torn me to pieces, i just haven’t had the gumption to care about something that had like 5 bucks in it.

there’s not much I won’t draw when I think about it. I guess I could do icons if/when asked?

comics and slice of life stuff are all based on my own writing, though if you have a fic or story you’d like to see come to life by my hand, tell me. (I’m actually more afraid of you than you are of me so please be patient with me).

I forgot to mention that portraits are only priced by measurements if it took me more than 4 hours: that one of Steve you see there is 8 x 5.5” but he took a long time (i spent like an hour just on that thick, curly mop of his alone).

i’m so reluctant to put my email up because my inbox on here is a magnet for hate mail, and I don’t want the cockroaches to come out of the woodwork and completely destroy the one thing I have digitally that’s free from that.

but… this is my commission info. Take it or leave it.

you’ll get your money’s worth as i’ve been at this for as long as i have, I’ve been recognized by Chris Cornell and Soundgarden, Mike McCready, Joey Belladonna, Charlie Benante, Alex Skolnick and all of Testament plus his jazz trio, Rob Cavestany, and i’m sure there have been others on instagram who were/still are (I think I hope) watching me before my mental breakdown last month, and paying me will go to things like… groceries, utilities, my savings account so I can formerly publish books and open my bakery-slash-art gallery-slash-bookstore, new clothes for me (lost a ton of weight, so I’m in need of new clothes), helping me take care of my disabled mother who’s been the one with the income working from home so it would not only help me but her as well… You know. important things. because we’re moving next week and I’m thinking of getting a job at Michael’s or one of the supermarkets in our new town otherwise (I actually don’t mind doing that, though, if i’m honest: it’d be nice not to).

[pliablehead]

Heyo, what do you consider the top 5 must-watch EE interviews???

I AM SORRY I TOOK SO LONG TO ANSWER THIS and I think it's because I really don't have a proper answer!! So much of my deep dive into EE was done in one long hyperfixation spiral back when I was first getting fangirl-level into them, a good 6 or 7 years ago, and so I'm running into the problem of most of the interview content I've consumed all sort of homogenizing into one sort of blur of Lore that I've internalized and I am not doing a great job at separating out into its individual components! So, that said, the following list is probably not in line with what I'd actually ultimately believe to be the best, most crucial ones--it's just the ones my brain can call to mind at the moment. lol. BUT HERE ARE SOME:

serious/insightful: • Jon and Alex for Tape Notes podcast. (so not a must-watch so much as a much-listen, but there are a few individual clips from this on youtube in video form as well I believe.) RDF is my favorite EE album and I thought this was a hugely interesting look into their writing process and also had a bunch of cool personal stuff in it! Plus, I think it's a very good look at who the band are, like, "now" -- there's a lot of great content around from MA up through GTH, but by the time they were on album 4 and all like, 30+, and especially once covid hit and sort of changed the trajectory of like.. bands, in general, I feel like it's just been a different animal re: regular interviews etc. • this 2013 3-parter with Jonathan. It's been ages since I watched it but I remembered it almost immediately, and for some reason I'm remembering it as an oddly vulnerable Jon moment. just talking about things. (more good band lore! etc.)

funny/meme-y: • Mike and Jez at Isle of Wight. Unlike many others, I could not possibly count how many times I have rewatched this, and it is funny every time. The interviewer is a buffoon asking totally clueless questions and Jez is having absolutely none of it, he's just chomping his chewing gum the entire time, Mike's doing his best, it destroys me. • Mike and Jez look at memes. Less interview-y and more just #content but whoever edited this video did a TOP NOTCH JOB and it's one I often show to not-in-this-fanbase friends that can still be a fun look at the band and a good laff. • This very sweet one with Alex and Mike being interviewed by a literal child. Contains the infamous "Jeremy, and yes," which is one of my most quoted EE-related sentences ever • this Man Alive track-by-track, also audio only.. the BITS that Jon and Alex are doing. truly incredible stuff

just lads having a nice time :) : • the CAPSLOCK ON talkback - lots of pleasant band and lyric insight, and a great Jez cheese moment at the end • this livestream dot com session is some performing but some Q&Aing, so not really an interview proper, but the energy in the room is delightful alskdghj

other noteworthy bodies of work: • anything with Andy Backhouse. I'll be the first to admit that Andy can grate my nerves sometimes, he often feels annoyingly a little too simp-y or something, but the other side of that coin is that as a huge fan of the band he actually does always ask them questions that are like, Real, he Gets them, so it's guaranteed to be a notch up from just random music journos who are engaging with them on a more surface industry level. Nothing is more frustrating than watching an EE interview where the interviewer just so blatantly doesn't "get" EE's whole deal and doesn't know how to interface. Andy never has that problem ! • any episode of Chips of Chorlton that features them (I think Jon's been on twice and Jeremy once). Dutch Uncles are their friends and hearing them all shoot the shit in an extremely comfortable environment is suuuuch a pleasant and wholly different experience than when the lads are being Professional Music Band guys, even when the latter still consists of them doing fairly goofy things

A VERY LONGWINDED AND NOT ESPECIALLY COMPREHENSIVE ANSWER ?? !!!!! Ultimately I think I was the wrong man for the job. @hellkitepriest has way more of an archivist's nature sort of just intrinsically than I do, he can probably do a better and less ridiculous job akjdshglak

[fivenightsatfreddysfanfiction]

the mimic does makes you wonder if a tiiiiny bit of anything or anyone else got patched into mike's remnant (or anyone else). Before that implant was destroyed, who knows what data might have gotten moved around? (yes, it would probably be horrible and is definitely unlikely, but the idea of Gregory with master file's knife skill on standby is still a little funny.)

Well, the 'data' being fed into him to mold him for Elder Afton to successfully 'build' on was stuff about animatronic programming and construction.

Did no one wonder why he took to upgrading Freddy so easily? That he found the coding stuff Alex showed him to already be kind of familiar? That despite Mike not knowing anything about software or animatronic engineering, Gregory seemed to pick up the skills very quickly even if he stumbles a bit here and there from altering it away from Afton's style?

He got part of the groundwork for William Afton put in, but the actual Mimic1 branch that Elder Afton was being built with didn't get a chance to be installed when the implant shorted.

A Mike with some aspects of William Afton's knowledge in a kid's body that views the Glamrocks both as annoyances to wreck if they get on his bad side, but also unwilling participants of an experiment that need to be saved. It's a mess in that kid's head, that's for sure.

[fuckyeahvanhalen86-95]

Boxed Set Introduces Four Newly Remastered VH Studio Albums With Sammy Hagar, Plus Rarities Recorded Between 1989 And 2004

5-LP And 5-CD Versions Arriving On October 6

PRE-ORDER NOW direct from VanHalenStore.com

Van Halen will release a new boxed set this fall spotlighting the band's second incarnation, with singer Sammy Hagar, guitarist Eddie Van Halen, drummer Alex Van Halen, and bassist Michael Anthony. The upcoming set includes newly remastered versions of four multi-platinum studio albums, along with a selection of rarities recorded between 1989 and 2004.

THE COLLECTION II will be available on October 6th on 5 Vinyl 180-Gram LPs for $124.98 and 5 CDs for $49.98. Pre-order both versions HERE. All the music in the set was mastered directly from the original master tapes, a process overseen by the band's longtime engineer, Donn Landee.

The new set is the long-awaited sequel to THE COLLECTION, a compilation released in 2015 that focused on the six studio albums recorded by the band's original line-up, which featured singer David Lee Roth. THE COLLECTION II picks up where its predecessor left off and covers the four consecutive #1 albums released during the Hagar era: 5150 (1986), OU812 (1988), For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge (1991), and Balance (1995).

The journey begins with 5150, Van Halen's seventh studio album and the band's first to claim the top spot on the Bilboard 200. Certified platinum six times in the U.S, the record treated fans to hits like "Dreams," "Love Walks In," and "Why Can't This Be Love" which peaked at #3 on the Billboard Hot 100. The group returned two years later with OU812, a quadruple-platinum smash that delivered four Bilboard Hot 100 hits, including "Finish What Ya Started" and "When It's Love."

The accolades continued with For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge, which earned Van Halen its first Grammy® Award for Favorite Heavy Metal/Hard Rock Album. Debuting at #1 and staying there for three weeks, the album achieved triple-platinum certification. The record produced an incredible seven singles, including hits like "Poundcake," "Top Of The World," and "Right Now."

In 1993, the band released its first live album, Live: Right Here, Right Now, before returning in 1995 with Balance, its final studio album with Hagar. The album was another commercial triumph, debuting at #1, selling more than three million copies, and earning a Grammy nomination for "The Seventh Seal."

THE COLLECTION II concludes with Studio Rarities 1989- 2004, an exclusive compilation that assembles eight gems from the Hagar era for the first time. Among these rarities is "Crossing Over" the B-Side to Balance's "Can't Stop Lovin' You", and the band's only non-album B-side.

The compilation boasts other exceptional highlights, including the band's cover of Little Feat's "A Apolitical Blues" and the instrumental "Baluchitherium" which were left off the vinyl versions of OU812 and Balance, respectively. Additionally, the set features two songs the band contributed to the Twister Soundtrack "Humans Being" and the Grammy-nominated "Respect The Wind."

Rounding out the set are "It's About Time", "Up For Breakfast", and "Learning To See" which were recorded during the band's temporary reunion with Hagar in 2004. All three debuted that year on Van Halen's second greatest hits collection, The Best of Both Worlds.

Sammy & Mike share their excitement:

Sammy Hagar: "Mikey and have been waitinga long time to get these remastered Van Halen records from my era. They did the whole nine yards. This stuff sounds SO GOOD!

These records were recorded before (without) ProTools or digital recording: it was analog on real to reel tape recorders. There's a very special sound to that type of recording. We were careful not to destroy any of that, but to re-master with more modern technical equipment to bring out that wonderful magical sound. It's never sounded better.

I know you're gonna enjoy it. There are some special bonus tracks in there. A Box Set. It's the whole Van Hagar era. All remastered. Finally! It's About Time! BOOM!"

Michael Anthony: "So excited about our Sammy era box set coming to ya!! Our longtime studio engineer Donn Landee remastered these albums and they are kicking ASS!"

Track Listing:

5150

Good Enough

Why Can't This Be Love?

Get Up

Dreams

Summer Nights

Best Of Both Worlds

Love Walks In

"5150"

Inside

OU812

Mine All Mine

When It's Love

A.F.U. (Naturally Wired)

Cabo Wabo

Source Of Infection

Feels So Good

Finish What Ya Started

Black And Blue

Sucker In A 3 Piece

For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge

Poundcake

Judgement Day

Spanked

Runaround

Pleasure Dome

In 'N' Out

Man On A Mission

The Dream Is Over

Right Now

316

Top of the World

Balance

The Seventh Seal

Can't Stop Lovin' You

Don't Tell Me (What Love Can Do)

Amsterdam

Big Fat Money

Doin' Time

Aftershock

Strung Out

Not Enough

Take Me Back (Déjà Vu)

Feelin'

Studio Rarities 1989-2004

A Apolitical Blues

Crossing Over

Baluchitherium

Humans Being

Respect The Wind

It's About Time

Up For Breakfast

Learning To See

[yesterdanereviews]

Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Film review #638

Director: Mike Mendez

SYNOPSIS: A lowly insect exterminator gets in over his head, as a giant spider that escaped from a military research facility starts to wreak havoc on a hospital. It's a race against time to destroy the spider before it grows ever larger and begins to reproduce...

THOUGHTS/ANALYSIS: Big Ass Spider! is a 2013 sci-fi film. Starring Greg Grunberg as cash-strapped pest controller Alex Mathis, he gets caught up in the usual sci-fi shenanigans of a mutant experiment gone wrong, and escaping from a military research lab to wreak havoc. Slipping into the role of a film that recognises that is cheap schlock and a homage to the b-movie monster film in equal measure. It doesn't try to be anything else, and it feels fairly comfortable in it's role, as the cast try to stop the spider before it continues to grow and eventually reproduce. The film does have some highlights though: the gore is well done, with faces being ripped off and the like, and adds a bit of excitement to the film. On the other side, the film keeps a sense of fun, so you're never bogged down too much in the film trying to take itself seriously. maybe these two things don't mix too well, but in keeping with it being cheap shlock that knows what it is, it isn't too much of a problem.

I thin the best way I can sum up this film is that it feels like a cartoon: the characters are seriously one-dimensional, and every scene with them in is so predictable with regards to what they are going to say. The prime example of this is the security guard whose only role is being the comedy relief and being Mexican: every joke revolves around him being Mexican, and eventually you do get tired of it. The film also follows the old b-movie trope of having a solitary female character, who of course serves as the main characters love interest. I know it's meant to play on these typical tropes, but the film really clings to them so closely that it doesn't give itself room to do anything else. I think the best way to describe this film is that it feels like a cartoon: while there may be some serious stuff happening, the characters are playing very strict and flat roles, and never stretch out beyond them. That's not necessarily a bad thing though. Sure, Big Ass Spider! is predictable nonsense that won't surprise you or change your life, but it does focus on having a bit of fun, and it genuinely shines through. Sometimes it feels like it's trying too hard to stick to that one-dimensionality in the characters and setup, but it's honestly more fun and entertaining than a lot of similar movies out there. The effects are cheap, the characters are predictable, but still manages to hold itself together for the runtime to at least make it entertaining.

[loulougoingsolo]

A game for later

My internet connection has been particularly buggy today, so despite my good intentions, this post is late. So, season 13 of GMM is officially over, and I’m already feeling the withdrawals kick in. I’ve watched every single episode of GMM this season, some while feeling upset about real life problems, some while lying in a hospital bed, and some while being possibly a bit too busy to watch them. Without exception, the videos have always made me laugh, and no matter what the situation, they’ve always made me feel just a little better about everything.

It’s kind of surprising that the Will it churro? episode hasn’t been made years ago, since the format of this deepfried goodness is just begging to be hacked in the way only GMM can. It has all the ingredients of a Will it: the original churro is delicious, it has a questionable shape, it’s deep-fried, and you can even add extra stuff in powdered form if necessary. It was very convenient that the guys had their mouths washed with soap after all the inappropriate things that have been said on the show this season. Although, “penis” is not really inappropriate, especially when it’s used in a culinary context, right? (But I was so hoping to see bubbles come out of their mouths at the end, that should have happened.)

What a shame to see those sneakers meet an early demise. I could use a new pair, and although Nike is not my go-to brand, those looked kinda nice, and honestly, a bit too new to get destroyed. I have to admit, the part where Alex sliced the shoe with the deli-meat slicer was like from one of those oddly satisfying videos - but I still feel sorry for the shoes.

I’m one of those people who easily get lost in the ‘people also bought’ section of Amazon. I rarely order anything from Amazon, because we don’t have Prime here (yet), but every time I have, I’ve accidentally ordered something I never planned to, just because it was suggested. 

I had to check if I should know Tiya Sircar from something, but the only movie of hers that I’ve seen is 17 again and that was a while ago - so I think it’s ok I didn’t know her? She was an excellent guest today, very natural and funny (and tbh, she looked gorgeous!).

Hello Kitty items are a guilty pleasure of mine, so I instantly went to see what that Pez dispenser set costs - just to find out it was a bit pricey for me. I couldn’t find a gumball machine, but I doubt it would be any less expensive. My preferred price point is somewhere around Easter egg surprises, so I guess I won’t be buying the Hello Kitty ice cream maker either. Sigh. Rhett’s enthusiastic “Guessh!” after “drinking” the gumballs was possibly the cutest moment in this episode, and I’m not even going to say anything about the fact that the game they were planning to play later was called “How many balls are in your mouth?” I’m sure that was not the reason why the guys were so amused. But Link called Rhett sir, and for some reason, that only added to the cuteness.

Do people actually buy toilet refreshners on Amazon? Am I the only one who needs to test the scent of those before buying (and usually not buying based on the scent)?

I have this thing that makes my brain glitch when I see a certain type of flashing light (like when sun shines through trees while you’re driving, or with strobe lights), and I actually had that glitch with those flashing rings, and I couldn’t look directly at the screen until the flashing stopped - which sucked, because I’m in the market for fairy gardens (actually, I want to make them, not buy them), and I couldn’t see the packaging they had. I hope no one got an epileptic seisure for this. Who even comes up with a horrifying thing like those rings? The mic sounded like a fun idea, though.

Corgi butts are friggin’ adorable, so that mug makes total sense to me. I love how Link just casually took the Hot guys and kittens book for himself, he was much more into those guys than Tiya. I only wish Link didn’t figure out how to make that ring flash again.

Can I just say it’s pretty amazing that the wheel “randomly” landed on Gifticality every day this week? <3

My dad got me a book on first aid and CPR one Christmas, and since I was expecting a music book (I was very much into playing the piano at the time), I didnt’ take it very well. Growing up I couldn’t avoid learning at least the basics of CPR, but I think if I still had that book, I might actually read it this time. I went to check the current recommendtions on how to give CPR, and apparently the correct way is to do it in 30:2 ratio (30 chest compressions, 2 breaths). According to experts, that’s better than Stayin’ alive - or even Tainted love. I think Tainted love could actually lead to heart arrhythmia, even though I’d much rather wake up to Tainted love than Stayin’ alive, if those are my options.    

I am a bit unhappy about Link’s love for Reddit, but it might be just because I only get confused if I go there - and I’m not planning to go there even if it’s bugging me that I don’t know Link’s username. I was very glad to hear Ear biscuits is still on during the break, maybe that will keep me sane for the next three weeks. Although, based on the edit below, I’ve lost my sanity a long time ago.

[theblipster]

best of 2020.

sorry abt the late post. might get back to Tumblr, who knows? for now, here's what I thought was the best stuff from the worst year. c

movies.

Small Axe (Mangrove / Lovers Rock / Red, White & Blue / Alex Wheatley / Education) // dir. Steve McQueen

Da 5 Bloods // dir. Spike Lee

First Cow // dir. Kelly Reichardt

The Forty-Year-Old Version // dir. Radha Blank

Bacurau // dir. Kleber Mendonça Filho & Juliano Dornelles

David Byrne’s American Utopia // dir. Spike Lee

Soul // dir. Pete Docter, Kemp Powers

Borat Subsequent Moviefilm // dir. Jason Woliner

Time // dir. Garrett Bradley

Kajillionaire // dir. Miranda July

Boys State // dir. Jesse Moss & Amanda McBaine

The Vast of Night // dir. Andrew Patterson

Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom // dir. George C. Wolfe

Tigertail // dir. Alan Yang

His House // dir. Remi Weekes

The Assistant // dir. Kitty Green

Possessor // dir. Brandon Cronenberg

Palm Springs // dir. Max Barbakow

The Trip to Greece // dir. Michael Winterbottom

She Dies Tomorrow // dir. Amy Seinmetz

albums.

Lianne La Havas // Lianne La Havas

Untitled (Black Is) // SAULT

RTJ4 // Run the Jewels

It Was Good Until It Wasn’t // Kehlani

SAWAYAMA // Rina Sawayama

Future Nostalgia // Dua Lipa

Women In Music, Pt. III // HAIM

R.Y.C. // Mura Masa

Song Machine, Season One: Strange Timez // Gorillaz

Circles // Mac Miller

Ungodly Hour // Chloe x Halle

We Will Always Love You // The Avalanches

INDUSTRY GAMES [EP] // CHIKA

Alfredo // Freddie Gibbs x The Alchemist

2017-2019 // Against All Logic

A Written Testimony // Jay Electronica (& Jay Z)

color theory // Soccer Mommy

græ // Moses Sumney

how I’m feeling now // Charli XCX

Black Habits // D Smoke

What’s Your Pleasure? // Jessie Ware

Punisher // Phoebe Bridgers

Dinner Party [EP] // Kamasi Washington, Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper & 9th Wonder

The Slow Rush // Tame Impala

Chromatica // Lady Gaga

folklore // Taylor Swift

A Beautiful Revolution // Common

Fetch the Bolt Cutters // Fiona Apple

UNLOCKED [EP] // Denzel Curry x Kenny Beats

It Is What It Is // Thundercat

Limbo // Aminé

Shabrang // Sevdaliza

After Hours // The Weeknd

Shore // Fleet Foxes

We’re New Again // Makaya McCraven x Gil Scott-Heron

FOREVER // Starchild & the New Romantic

songs // Adrienne Lenker

Heaven to A Tortured Mind // Yves Tumor

Streams of Thought, Vol. 3: Cane & Able [EP] // Black Thought

There’s Only Being Yourself // Radiant Children

songs.

“Bittersweet” // Lianne La Havas

“Ooh La La” // Run the Jewels f. Greg Nice & DJ Premier

“circle the drain” // Soccer Mommy

“Do It” // Chloe x Halle

“WAP” // Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion

“Wildfires” // SAULT

“Gospel For A New Century” // Yves Tumor

“Guilty Conscience” // 070 Shake

“CROWN” // CHIKA

“Bad Friend” // Rina Sawayama

“Freeze Tag” // Kamasi Washington, Terrace Martin, Robert Glasper, 9th Wonder & Phoelix

“forever” // Charli XCX

“Toxic” // Kehlani

“BALD!” // JPEGMAFIA

“The Pink Phantom” // Gorillaz f. Elton John & 6LACK

“Garden Song” // Phoebe Bridgers

“Cut Me” // Moses Sumney

“Savage [Remix]” // Megan Thee Stallion f. Beyoncé

“Good Morning” // Black Thought f. Pusha T, Swiss Beatz & Killer Mike

“Time (You & I)” // Khruangbin

“Gasoline” // HAIM

“The Box” // Roddy Ricch

“Ghost of Soulja Slim” // Jay Electronica (& Jay Z)

“WAKING UP DOWN” // Yaeji

“hand crushed by mallet [Remix]” // 100 gecs f. Fall Out Boy, Craig Owens & Nicole Dollanganger

“Lost In Yesterday” // Tame Impala

“Don’t Start Now” // Dua Lipa

“Take Care In Your Dreaming” // The Avalanches f. Denzel Curry, Sampa the Great & Tricky

“anything” // Adrienne Lenker

“Comeback” // Carly Rae Jepsen f. Bleachers

“Dior” // Pop Smoke

“Laugh Now Cry Later” // Drake f. Lil Durk

“BLACK PARADE” // Beyoncé

“Deal Wiv It” // Mura Masa f. Slowthai

“Black Qualls” // Thundercat f. Steve Lacy, Steve Arrington & Childish Gambino

“SUGAR [Remix]” // BROCKHAMPTON f. Dua Lipa & Jon B

“Something to Rap About” // Freddie Gibbs f. Tyler, the Creator

“Spotlight” // Jessie Ware

“Better Than I Imagined” // Robert Grasper f. H.E.R. & Meshell Ndegeocello

“Delete Forever” // Grimes

“minding_my business” // Knxwledge f. Durand Bernarr & Rose Gold

“Tape” // Starchild & the New Romantic f. Toro y Moi

“Blinding Lights” // The Weeknd

“DIET_” // Denzel Curry x Kenny Beats

“Hit Different” // SZA f. Ty Dolla $ign

“Rain On Me” // Lady Gaga f. Ariana Grande

“The Gates” // Aesop Rock

“Lose Your Love” // Dirty Projectors

“Gaslighter” // The Chicks

“say the name” // clipping.

television.

I May Destroy You (HBO)

Industry (HBO)

The Queen's Gambit (Netflix)

The Mandalorian (Disney+)

Tales from the Loop (Amazon)

The Boys (Amazon)

High Fidelity (Hulu)

P-Valley (Starz)

Ozark (Netflix)

Tiger King (Netflix)

Nate (Netflix)

Fargo (FX)

Insecure (HBO)

Lovecraft Country (HBO)

Betty (HBO)

Devs (FX)

Big Mouth (Netflix)

[whitehotharlots]

There is no longer a lesser evil

I am by nature a dour and pessimistic man--a mindset that has led to an eerie ability to predict American politics. Always assume the worst and dumbest possible outcome, and you’ll typically be right and never be disappointed.

But never, even in the darkest and most hateful depths of my cynicism, did I think the US presidential election would come to a choice between Donald Trump and Mike Bloomberg. And as much as I’ve realized that most establishment liberals are full of shit, as much as I bitch about them in private and public, as plainly obvious as it is that they don’t actually care about the stuff they claim to care about… even then, I never thought I’d see them lining up en masse to lick the feet of one of the shittiest and most racist men alive. Never did I think they’d be so gormless as to pull the “come on guys, we gotta work together to beat Trump” line while caping for one of the very few politicians who is objectively worse than Trump.

Americans are polarized. That’s the truism, I’ve been told. And while our mainstream political establishment actually agrees with each other about quite a lot--the virtue of austerity and endless wars, the need to protect the powerful from any chance of accountability, etc--we are quite viciously divided culturally, even if these divisions are much more piddling than they appear. And I think it’s the overall immateriality of our politics, our widespread but tacit awareness that the worst parts of this country are unchangeable no matter how much we all hate them, this is why we’re all so eager to become the worst possible versions of ourselves.

The process goes something like this: Side A paints a cruel caricature of Side B. Side B responds by saying “oh yeah, asshole? If that’s what you think I am, fine, I’m gonna be that but even worse.��� Liberals say conservatives are idiots who worship cruelty and self-destruction. Conservatives respond by “rolling coal,” decking their trucks out with Punisher stickers, and adoring a President who drinks toilet water. Conservatives say that liberals are effete elitists who have grown powerful not from worth or merit but by gaming a system that has strip mined the wealth out of the portions of this country that actually produce things and/or kissing the asses of the sneering weasels who have climbed to the top of the finance class. Liberals respond by enthusiastically embracing Mike fucking Bloomberg.

A Bloomberg nomination would be an absurd validation of every bad thing conservatives have ever thought of you. It would completely ratify Alex Jones’ worldview. 

What’s more, it would finally destroy the myth of lesser evilism. Liberals will no longer be able to guilt leftists into voting for a murderous corporate shithead simply by pointing out that he or she is slightly less bad than the other side’s murderous corporate shithead. The Democratic party would finally lose all claims of legitimacy to the groups they’ve long ago abandoned, the ones who still support them simply because they have no other choice.  Because they won’t have a choice. Brand A represents war and hatred, mass policing and mass murder, world-historic cruelty toward immigrants, and the final collapse of what remains of our infrastructure. Brand B represents all that plus plastic bag bans and soda taxes. Bully for us. Bully for the world.

All I got to say is, if you support Mike Bloomberg you are a piece of shit and I hope you fucking die.

[theonewiththefanfics]

Hawkins’ Charm (Part 7/?)

Synopsys: They had gotten out of Hawkins. After all the shit that had happened, all the heartache and pain, Billy and the Reader had gotten away from that hellhole, building their life in California as he had dreamed. But when Max’s graduation rolls around and they go to celebrate, it’s as if the Upside Down was just waiting for all of them to return. And it has a bone to pick.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x f!Reader; platonic!Steve Harrington x f!Reader

Genre: angst, lil bit of fluff

Warnings: blood, mentions of injuries and death, fighting, swearing, mentions of sexy times, but not smut

Word count: 3337

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT CONDONE BILLY’S ACTIONS AND THE THINGS HE’S DONE! THIS IS BASICALLY AN AU, WHEN REALLY LOOKING AT IT! SPOILERS FOR S3! READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!

It was like the air had suddenly been sucked out from the world, leaving him a heaving, dizzy mess in the void.    His dad. His old man. The person that was supposed to love him unconditionally but had been abusing him since he was a little kid was the one the Mind Flayer was using as a host.        “I’m gonna kill him,” Billy seethed. “Did he touch you?” he doublechecked every inch of Y/N’s body. “I’m gonna fucking murder him.”        “Billy, he didn’t do anything,” she put a hand on his cheek, and he practically melted, taking in a shuddering breath and nodding. “I didn’t even see him. I’m alright.”        “Was he,” he gestured vaguely around, “you know, possessed when we went to his?”        Y/N shrugged. “I don’t know, but he was by the time that whole thing at Tina’s happened. But Billy… he knows… about Clara. I tried to keep them out of my head but,” her chin wobbled, and Billy had to keep his composure.    “He’s so strong,” Y/N whispered. “Like, not to say what happened to you wasn’t horrible and painful and bad, but he’s,” she shook her head. “He’s so fucking strong. I don’t know how we’re gonna stop him. If we can stop him.”        They thought the Mind Flayer might have evolved, they knew it could, but with the way El had struggled against the small piece inside of Y/N, she couldn’t even imagine what battling against the full force of that thing would be like. 

       “We gotta close the Gate,” Hopper said. “It’s our only option.”        A murmur of agreement spread through the people in the cabin, Billy’s attention still on Y/N as she flinched when she reached for the glass of water Robin had offered. She practically gulped the whole thing in a second. Only then did Billy realize how thirsty he was too, but he could wait.        “Is my mom,” Max’s lip quivered, making Y/N look at her, and Billy reached for his sister's hand squeezing it in comfort, something that just five or even three years ago he would’ve never voluntarily done. “Is my mom one of them?”        When Y/N shook her head no, Max almost sagged to the floor in relief. “I didn’t feel her. He has a lot of others under his control – Tina, Tommy, Vicky, pretty much everyone else that didn’t leave the party that night… they drugged the punch and knocked everyone out, and then Neil helped them bring the rest to Benny’s where… ya know… they got possessed and shit…”        Y/N groaned trying to stand up, but when her knees buckled, she opted for staying on the bed.        “How does your back feel?” Robin asked, making everyone remember that before being possessed by a Mind Flayer, she’d been dragged away by a monster with knives for fingers.        “Like a Demogorgon wanted to make a skinsuit out of me,” Y/N shrugged and hissed at the pain. Without it possessing her, she was back to herself, and it meant she was back to feeling things and not just ignoring the unpleasant itch in her back. Billy was instantly in action mode.        “Okay, we need to clean those. Don’t want you getting an infection.”        Joyce was immediately on her feet. There was an old bottle of vodka, she’d found in Hopper’s room from that day when she’d ditched their ‘date but not date’ to instead go to Mike’s science teacher, and she went to grab it.        “Vodka doesn’t have an expiration date,” she muttered to herself taking a clean cloth as well.        “Here,” Joyce gave both of those things to Billy, and Y/N sighed.        “This is gonna hurt like a bitch,” he warned soaking the rag with the alcohol and reached for one of the leather restraint that had been wrapped around her wrists.       “Yeah, I’m kinda expecting it to,” she grumbled and bit down on the belt. With one final nod, Y/N readied herself, and he pressed the cloth against her wounds.        Searing hot pain erupted throughout her body, and for a second Y/N’s vision went completely white. She grabbed onto the sheets and fisted them between her fingers, holding back the scream. Honestly, she’d rather be possessed by the Mind Flayer than feel every single time the alcohol ate at her wounds.        And oh god, when Billy had to peel away the scabbed over parts… Y/N thought she’d pass out. Hoped she’d pass out. Childbirth had been easy compared to the torturously slow movements as each crusted bit was ripped from the gashes leaving them open to the air.        She spit the belt out to the floor and growled, “Hurry the fuck up!”        “Sorry, sweetheart,” Billy murmured seeing Y/N’s face scrunch up as he dragged the cloth across the third out of five slashes. “But I gotta be thorough.”        It dragged on for five more agonizing minutes before Billy and Joyce deemed Y/N’s skin would not rot and fall off her back. For the time being at least. She’d definitely need to see the doctor first thing in the morning.    “I think these might need stitching,” Billy trailed a careful palm along the two of the deepest gashes.        “Yeah, nope,” Y/N shook her head heaving and shuddering, and Joyce applied a compress to her back. It had some sort of a cold salve on it, and it instantly relieved her blazing skin. She’d been the only one smart enough to remember about El talking about Y/N’s wounds, so while everyone had gathered tons of tinfoil, Joyce had bought a first aid kit and some other things that she considered might be necessary.    “Thank you for cleaning them up, but I ain’t letting you anywhere near me with a needle and thread,” Y/N smirked.        “Wha- hey!” he exclaimed. Usually, he’d slap her arm playfully, but this time he opted out on it.        “Do I need to remind you when you tried, keyword tried, to sow up Clara’s dress?” she gave him a pointed gaze and shook her head, smiling as Joyce muttered a ‘men’ underneath her breath.        Steve who had joined their little group once the gross stuff was out of the way, crossed his arms and snorted. “What happened?”        “I ended up having to throw it out,” Y/N gestured at Billy. “Because cross stitch is so hard.”        “It wasn’t that bad,” Billy protested but accepted his defat and helped to wrap the layer of gauze around Y/N’s back. Immediately it got soaked and turned a scarlet color, but it was better than leaving the scabs on with millions of possible infections underneath them. And the red was a much pleasant color than the pitch black. “She’s just being dramatic.”        “Frist of all,” Y/N hissed and pointed a finger at him. “I’m allowed to be dramatic. At least right now. Second of all, you managed to sow the dress to your jeans, and then, when I told you to just cut the thread off and pull it out, you cut a hole into the dress.”        “It was a stylistic choice.”        “Yeah for what, her third arm?”            It seemed insane to be bickering about what were now minuscule things. A ruined dress. Billy’s inability to sow. Him being in absolute denial about it. Insane, but nice, given how the actual things they needed to worry about were the possible invasion of their world by an interdimensional alien, a Russian army opening up the Gateway between the two universes and her father-in-law being the main henchman.        “How do we explain this to Clara?” Billy nudged his chin towards Y/N's back, and her eyes widened.        “Fuck,” she swore under her breath. “I hadn’t thought about that…”    There was no way she could just brush it off, and their little Terminator had to know everything. It had been an interesting enough conversation when she’d asked about her dad’s scars, but now when her mom would arrive home with a destroyed back was not something, they thought they’d have to deal with.        “You might also wanna figure out what to say to mom,” Alex said as he stood to the side, arms matter-of-factly crossed over his chest.        “What? Why?”        Alex’s eyes widened. “Graduation’s in like a few hours, and you're gonna show up like that?”        That’s when the rest of the kids also remembered Friday was just three hours away, and graduation only fifteen.        “Oh, shit,” Max muttered sharing a look with Mike, Dustin, Will and Lucas. El hadn’t gone to a public school, having been taught by Hopper and then Joyce at home.        “Well, we can’t go,” Mike said. “This is bigger than some fucking graduation.”       “Hey, watch your mouth!” Hopper said pointing at the teen. He was still in the mindset of ‘keep the door open three inches’, no matter if four years had passed.        “I think going might be our best bet,” Y/N butted in. “Or at least, you have to go.”        “Not to be rude, ‘cause I know you went through some pretty dramatic shit,” Lucas said, “but Mind Flayer versus getting a piece of paper,” he made a gesture as if he was weighing the options with his hands. “The Mind Flayer wins.”        Y/N shook her head and stood up, leaning heavily against Billy. “He still needs to keep up the appearances. I mean when Billy was possessed, he went to his job at the pool, so I can guarantee he’ll be at the school. And that’s when we can strike.”        The thought of attacking the Mind Flayer and bringing the fight to him, instead of how it usually had been with it striking first, made everyone perk up and start talking, but Billy didn’t join in, even though he might have the most cause to.        Instead, he tugged on Y/N’s palm making her attention flit just to him and look at his furrowed brows. It seemed as if the formulation of the words on his tongue were the hardest ever, but in the end, he got them out.        “What did you mean by ‘the three of us…?’ When you said you wouldn’t let me taint the three… of you…”        “I don’t know…” she shook her head. “I have no clue where that came from.”        “Do you,” Billy swallowed harshly and wrung his hands together, “do you think you might be pregnant again?”        That thought had crossed her mind, but Y/N didn’t think it to be plausible. Every time they’d had sex they’d been very careful, as they weren’t planning on having another kid. Sure, Clara hadn’t been planned either and turned out to be the best gift ever, but they were doing really well at that moment, so another gremlin would be quite jarring.        “I don’t think so… I had my period right before leaving.”        “Yeah, but we did have a lot,” he emphasized the word and smirked, “of fun at the motel in the morning. And when we got to yours in the shower… and before going to Tin-“        “Okay, you don’t need to recount every time,” Y/N chuckled feeling heat crawl up her body. “I remember, I was there.”       “You better, otherwise, I’d need to remind you.”        She tilted her head to the side. “I wouldn’t complain about that. Like at all.” A beat passed before she spoke again. “If it was though…” Y/N bit down on her lip. “Would you want it? Another kid? Would you want one?”        Billy snorted cupping her cheeks and giving her a sweet kiss. “If you’d ask me to run through Hell barefoot, I’d fucking skip through it with a smile on my face.”        “So, would that be a yes?”        “You’re such a dork,” he shook his head, the affectionate grin never leaving.        “Yeah, but I’m your dork.”        He scoffed. “You better fucking be.”        “We’ll figure it out…” Y/N nodded her head as if affirming herself they would. “If we get out of this alive.”        “When,” he growled back. “When we get out of this alive. Don’t you dare talk that way.”        She rolled her eyes. “I’m just being realistic.”        “Well stop it then.” He grumbled like a toddler being told he couldn’t have any more candy. “Be optimistic.”        Y/N scoffed. “Yeah, because you’re not only Keg King, but the King of Optimism as well.”        He watched her bring Nancy’s given shirt over her head and helped the woman let it slip over her body.    Billy loved that body with every inch of his being. He loved each and every birthmark, scar and dip, and now it had been completely rearranged by some monster. There was nothing in the world that would make him think of Y/N as anything as beautiful, but a small part in his head screamed at how much he hated the rips that would scar over at some point. They had been his fault. His ugly marks on her gorgeous body.        “Where’s uh where’s your ring?” Y/N asked, clearing her throat and bringing him out of the pondering. This was so not the conversation she thought she’d ever have. It was like they’d had a silent agreement to never take the golden circlets off, so seeing his finger bare, with a pale line around it, made her stomach churn.        “When you were missing, I asked El to help find you. She needed something that had a connection to you…” he shrugged flexing his fist. “This was the only thing I could think of.”        “And why haven’t you put it back on?”        It seemed like the question completely shifted the mood, and Billy let out a sad chuckle. “ ’Cause I don’t think I should.”        Y/N’s eyes widened. “What?”        She could feel tears burn at the edges of her eyes, but Y/N was not going to let them fall. Instead, she cleared her throat and repeated the question in a much softer tone.        “That day when we got married, I promised to protect you. I might have not said it out loud, but I promised it to myself.” Unlike her, Billy allowed himself to fully feel the emotions, a drop rolling down his cheek.    “And I failed. How can I put it back on, how can I promise that to you, when I broke it in the first place? I know it wasn’t you saying all those things, that it was the Mind Flayer using my fears against me, but it had a point. I don’t deserve you. Or Clara. For years this whole life has felt like a dream, like a fluke that I’d gotten so lucky. And now I know it is, ‘cause there’s no way I could ever deserve you or your forgiveness.”        Y/N thought she’d be sad and hurt by his words, but instead, she was just pissed. “Forgiveness for what?”        “For this whole thing,” he gestured at her torn-up body. “Had it not been for me, you wouldn’t have been possessed by that fucker. Had it not been for me, we wouldn’t have gone to Tina’s. I wouldn’t have gotten drunk and pissy, and you wouldn’t have had to wander off into those fucking woods… this whole shit’s my fault…”        Her lips were pursed into a very thin line before, Y/N nodded. “Okay, so answer me this – did you know the Gate was open?”        “N-no,” Billy stuttered out not sure where the conversation was going.        “Did you know the Demogorgon and the Mind Flayer were back?”        Once again, he replied with a soft ‘no’.        “Did you have any clue any of this would happen?” her voice was getting louder with each word.        Billy hid his face in his palms but shook his head no.        “Then why are you punishing yourself?”        “Because who else am I supposed to punish?!” he exploded jumping up. “You?! I was the one who put you in danger, I am the one with the shit father who’s even shittier now! All of your biggest problems in life have been because of me, and now whenever we’ll go to the beach, whenever you’ll take a shower, I’ll have to see those fucking marks on your back that you wouldn’t have if it wasn’t for me!”        Y/N was practically shaking as she stood face her husband, despite the tendrils of pain rippling down her back.        “I did not sit by your hospital bed for two whole days while you were unconscious, I didn’t spend my last summer here with you in the ICU for you to say this bullshit to me,” she seethed and moved closer. “Now, you’ll listen to me Billy Hargrove, we’ve been through so much shit, it’s insane. I could write a novel about it and still, there wouldn’t be enough pages to tell the full story.”       Her gaze was piercing, and he couldn’t pull his eyes away from Y/N’s. No matter how much Billy wanted to, it was impossible as every word found its mark, yet he still listened to her, still nodded along and let the tears slip down his cheeks, his wife’s soft thumbs brushing them away.        “I did not go through childbirth, through doubting myself if I’m a good person, let alone a mother; I did not go through this shit, only for you to tell me that you don’t wanna wear that ring anymore, cause guess what? I’ve fucked up too. That day at the pool when we got into that huge argument and the whole Mind Flayer shit happened to you? I blame myself for that.”        Billy’s mouth dropped open in shock. “But – but it’s not. You had nothing to do with it… it just happened, it was bad luck.”        “Exactly,” a painful smile of relief made her lips pull up hoping he'd get where she was going with it. “I know it wasn’t my fault, I can’t control the Mind Flayer, but I still blame myself. Maybe if I’d been more understanding, maybe if I’d tried to work it out, it wouldn’t have happened... you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.”        His hands shook as he settled them on Y/N’s waist, pressing his forehead tightly to hers. He’d never even considered that she blamed herself for that summer’s events. He never even entertained that idea, ‘cause it was simply untrue, so he didn’t spend time on it.        “You blame yourself for this, and I blame myself for what happened to you... even though it was neither of our faults... So,” Y/N let out a shaky breath, “put that fucking ring back on your finger, or I swear, I’ll serve you some divorce papers.”        Billy chuckled, pulling back from the embrace to fish out the ring from his pocket, but not before pulling Y/N in for a passionate kiss. Fuck, did it feel good to kiss her again. “Yes, mam.”        Beautifully, as if it was made to sit at the base of his left ring finger, the piece of jewellery slid on and stayed there. As it would forever.        “I love you,” he whispered pecking her lips.        “I love you too, dumbass.”        “Whatever you say Mrs Dumbass,” he bit on his bottom lip and glanced down at her. “You’re an amazing person, by the way. And an even better mother.”        Y/N mouthed a ‘thank you’ against his lips before caressing them again.        “You two okay there?” Joyce asked peaking inside the bedroom as they stepped back from one another.        Only then did they realize when the argument had started everyone else had left the room to give them privacy to work things out.        Billy nodded, smiling over at Y/N. “Yeah, we’re alright. But I think we’ll be even better when we decide what to do with the whole Upside-Down thing.”        “I think I have an idea,” Y/N sighed and, leaning heavily on Billy’s shoulder they entered the living room where everyone else was.        Max raised a concerned eyebrow, thumb between her teeth, and when their eyes met, she gave the redhead a small but assuring smile, making her heart lift from her feet back to her chest, knowing that everything was okay between the two.        Hopper opened his arms and then put them on his hips. “We’re all ears.”

Tags (crossed out wouldn't take): 

Hawkins’ Charm tag list: @genius2050 @aiifandomsunite @ashleymarieriffle @littlefool-smalljester @infinitelycharmed23 @llcalumllhoodll @benevolentgemini @rxmanovbby @euphoniumpets @krazykatykat456 @believerofall @ccidk @babechief @meganmj @blackhood5sos @fml9603 @noodlenerd101 @universefinds @kuroidesuchloe @im-a-stranger-thing @grxxn-gardxns @springholland @beforethebraces @robinisourlesbianmom @queeneliza108 @neenaw-neenaw @lexisntthatweird @choicesismylife @mckenzie2020 @kcd15 @snuggleducky @reckless-sofia @didyouseetheflair @silver-winter-wolf @jay-ta-blog @hopeless-lovex0 @anyasthoughts @robinismyqueen @yeah-butyourenot-dacremontgomery @mcrganstarks @psychoticobsession @cutehipstergirl25 @sbfandom @mickmoon @jackyfrost01 @txhmine @dark-princess99 @morgangrice18 @changingmylifestyle367 @sweetdayme4427 @alowexpectation @sexyvixen7 @golddvstwoman @evelynfreakinaddams @sunfucked @sataninsatin @queenbbarnes @venomavocado @rangotangomango @psychosupernatural @sereiins @frickin-bats @bandsruinedmylife @thee-brunette-princess @queenskyster @aspiring-fangirls-world @gracethegeek9902 @katiexdacre @dreamwavej @escaping-reality21 @void-fire-rose @slvtherinseeker @paranoiadestroyah @arromite @jojo-buttercup @danarysstormborn @graveyard--baby--666

Forever tags: @lumelgy @palaiasaurus64 @supernaturalbaesduh @breezy1415 @crazy--me @thatawkwardlittlefangirl @sea040561 @staryeyedgirl @deathbyarabbit @s-c-a-r-e-d-po-t-t-e-r @reblogger-not-a-blogger @m-a-t-91 @dalilx @i-need-a-hero-i-need-a-loki @maladaptive-ninja-returns @averyrogers83 @in-the-end-im-still-trash @gallifreyansass @dewy-biitch @avxgers @unlikelygalaxygiver @sweet-ladyy @magicwithaknife @ollyoxenfrees @bnhvrdy @tvwhoresblog @celebsimagines @thatkindofgurl @sj-thefan @teenwolflover28

A/N: heya! Sorry for the delay on this part, but I had such a full weekend that I just didn’t have the time to write or post, but I hope you enjoy this part. The next one might be the last or close to that, but I have a few other Billy imagines in mind, so if you wanna be tagged in any of the future fics drop a message (whether Hawkins’ Charm tag list, Forever tag list (means you’ll be tagged in EVERYTHING or just Billy’s :) )

ALSO! HOLY SHIT WE HIT 6K!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!! THANK YOU!!! I CANNOT BELIEVE THERE ARE SO MANY OF YOU THAT LIKE WHAT I CREATE AND IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME THAT YOU’RE STICKING AROUND :****

P.S. my tags are always open

P.S.S. what did ya think? :)

[stainedglassgardens]

Watched in April

Queen of Earth Black Christmas Dogs of Chernobyl Firecrackers Les Misérables The Evil Dead The Daughters of Fire (Las hijas del fuego) The Fallen Idol The Wailing (곡성, Gokseong) Inherent Vice Sorrowful Shadow Mistery Lonely The Grand Bizarre Zombieland: Double Tap Waves '98 Uncut Gems The Last Séance Too Late to Die Young (Tarde para morir joven) Room Queen & Slim The Holy Mountain (La montaña sagrada) The Chaser ( 추격자, Chugyeokja) Made in Dagenham The Color of Pomegranates (Նռան գույնը, Nřan guynə) Lost Girls Ghost Town Anthology (Répertoire des villes disparues) And Then There Were None Doctor Sleep Meshes of the Afternoon Circus of Books Catfish Wildling Delphine The Strange Love of Martha Ivers The Red Balloon (Le Ballon rouge) Nona. If They Soak Me, I’ll Burn Them (Nona. Si me mojan, yo los quemo) The Lodge Invisible Man Sans Soleil

Did not finish

Horsehead (Romain Basset, 2014) Sinister (Scott Derrickson, 2012)

Did not like

Sorrowful Shadow (Guy Maddin, 2004) Mistery Lonely (Harmony Korine, 2007) Uncut Gems (Josh and Benny Safdie, 2019) The Last Séance (Laura Kulik, 2018) The Holy Mountain (La montaña sagrada, Alejandro Jodorowsky, 1973) Doctor Sleep (Mike Flanagan, 2019)

Okay

Queen of Earth (Alex Ross Perry, 2015): The way it was filmed reminded me of The Midnight Swim and Always Shine. I watched it because Elisabeth Moss is in it but was rather disappointed in the end -- it was beautifully shot but went nowhere

Black Christmas (Sophia Takal, 2019): Like Assassination Nation, this is a film I'm glad young people today have -- and it was fine, and if there’s anything I’ve got to say about so-called raging feminists it’s that we need more of them, but yeah the ending was disappointing and I felt that I had aged out of the target audience a good number of years ago

The Evil Dead (Sam Raimi, 1981): Finally saw this! Love me a a good campy horror story once in a while

The Wailing (곡성, Gokseong) and The Chaser ( 추격자, Chugyeokja) (Na Hong-jin, 2016 and 2008): A healthy dose of wtf in both of those, I’m still not sure I “correctly” grasped the intended tone. I also just lost all interest in The Chaser when (spoiler) the girl died. What’s the point of that? Are we in Game of Thrones now? I may still be angry about that, actually

Inherent Vice (Paul Thomas Anderson, 2014): I know it’s a good film but it bored me to death. I don’t like stories about men or drugs

Zombieland: Double Tap (Ruben Fleischer, 2019): A sympathetic, slightly disappointing sequel

Waves '98 (Ely Dagher, 2015): I don’t remember much about this short but I did think it was good

Room (Lenny Abrahamson, 2015): I couldn’t watch this as separate from the book, it felt more like a companion film to me than anything else. It was good I think, but I’m definitely not the best judge on this one, because the book was so amazing and I’m still not over it, apparently

And Then There Were None (René Clair, 1945): Was it good? Who knows. They changed the ending and added in a crap love story, so who cares, really

Wildling (Fritz Böhm, 2018): I liked it? I didn’t really see the “feminist themes” in this but it was good

Delphine (Chloé Robichaud, 2019): This is one of those short films that are a little too “slice of life” for me to really enjoy. I can tell it’s good, tho

The Red Balloon (Le Ballon rouge, Albert Lamorisse, 1956): This is apparently a classic short film, and I think I would have enjoyed it a lot had I seen it in 1956. Seeing it today, when everything in it has been used in a hundred thousand other films, made it fall flat a little

Nona. If They Soak Me, I’ll Burn Them (Nona. Si me mojan, yo los quemo, Camila José Donoso, 2019): Watched this because it was directed by a woman! Did not know what to expect at all. The non-linear narration kept me trying to remember if there was something I could possibly have skipped that would have made more sense of it. I think the premise (old woman throws Molotov cocktail at former lover’s car) is better than the finished product, although it is very well-shot and the acting is amazing

Good

Dogs of Chernobyl (Léa Camilleri & Hugo Chesnel, 2020): Short documentary that had me on the verge of tears several times (you can watch it for free on YouTube!)

Les Misérables (Ladj Ly, 2019): It’s hard to talk about films like these. It is very good, very important, I think everyone should watch it. Think a new La Haine

The Daughters of Fire (Las hijas del fuego, Albertina Carri, 2018): Loved the reflection on pornography. The pornography itself was a little more... boring... but I appreciate the intention, and the guts it took to shoot something like this

The Fallen Idol (Carol Reed, 1948): An amazing British classic (adapted from Graham Greene!) that I had somehow never heard of. Great acting, especially considering the main character is a small child

Too Late to Die Young (Tarde para morir joven, Dominga Sotomayor Castillo, 2018): There will be people in this world to say that "uhh nothing happens in this film", a statement to which my reply will be twofold: first, it's beautiful so who cares, and second, how many other films have you seen that take place in a commune in the 1990s in Chile? That's what I thought. Shut up

Made in Dagenham (Nigel Cole, 2010): Films like this and Suffragette, that is, mainstream films about the working classes and political activism, are almost bound to be flawed, but I'm grateful they exist all the same. And how many of those have we seen that are about workers’ unions, with an all-female main cast, and nuanced dialogue about communism and the place of women in the home and of men in feminism? I’m glad that male directors have finally figured out that one of the best ways to avoid showing a one-dimensional idea of women is to have lots of them in one film. And Sally Hawkins! I love her

The Color of Pomegranates (Նռան գույնը, Nřan guynə, Sergei Parajanov, 1969): Another one of those classics I had never heard of (until I got Mubi!). Indescribable, beautiful

Lost Girls (Liz Garbus, 2020): Really liked the speech at the end about the police failing the victims and their families, really liked that the old inspector guy wasn't made to be someone who was on the side of the victims instead of on his own side. Bleak, sobering. When I watched this I didn't know Garbus was the person who directed that Nina Simone documentary, which I also love.Will definitely seek out more Liz Garbus in future

Ghost Town Anthology (Répertoire des villes disparues, Denis Côté, 2019): I watched this not knowing anything about Denis Côté or the film, and I loved the atmosphere even before the supernatural element really kicked in. Films like this and The One I Love or Everything Beautiful is Far Away are my kind of low-key science fiction

Meshes of the Afternoon (Maya Deren and Alexander Hammid, 1943): Aaaand another classic I finally saw! It just warms my heart to see that stuff like this was being made (by a woman!!) in the 1940s

Circus of Books (Rachel Mason, 2019): I saw a headline calling this “the queer Stories We Tell” and I loved Sarah Polley’s documentary and wouldn’t go quite that far but I can see where it’s coming from. A good autobiographical documentary about the complexity of families

Catfish (Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman, 2010): I think everyone going into this today knows what this is going to be about, but let me tell you, it does not reduce the impact

The Strange Love of Martha Ivers (Lewis Milestone, 1946): Barbara Stanwyck and Lizabeth Scott! Murder! Intrigue! Love and sleaze!

The Lodge (Veronika Franz & Severin Fiala, 2019): This was so efficient. It is so well-done, and Riley Keough is amazing as usual. More subtle than Franz and Fiala’s last effort, Goodnight Mommy, and at least as good

Sans Soleil (Chris Marker, 1983): It’s hard not to be disappointed by this after hearing every film bro I’ve ever met describe this as his fave ever. It is... pretty racist and sexist... but yes, very pretty, very nice if you can get past that

Faves

Firecrackers (Jasmin Mozaffari, 2018): Is this a coming-of-age story? Anyway it’s about two working-class teenage girls in small town Canada who are this close to making their dream of leaving for New York, and one of them is fuuuuucked up...

The Grand Bizarre (Jodie Mack, 2018): I think this is what I want from a non-narrative documentary. I’m tired of seeing pretentious Godfrey Reggio knockoffs. This quite simply blew my mind and is one of those very rare films I can see myself rewatching ten times

Queen & Slim (Melina Matsoukas, 2019): I can’t not compare this to Natural Born Killers and Thelma and Louise, both of which I used to love and haven’t seen in a number  of years -- but Queen & Slim is quite possibly better than both of those. The tone, the breadth, the acting -- even the soundtrack. It’s a masterpiece

Invisible Man (Leigh Whannell, 2020): This is about a man who creates an invisibility suit. This is also about a woman who is being stalked and abused by a controlling man who just won’t rest until he has completely destroyed her -- but of course, since this is cinema and the woman in question is Elisabeth Moss, she ultimately beats the shit out of him. This was very difficult to watch for me but I’m glad I stuck through

*

I got Mubi this month! So glad I did. It’s so much better than both Filmstruck (RIP) and Amazon Prime. I like that choices are made for me up to a certain extent -- and those choices often turn out very good, and always interesting. And yes, we’re still in lockdown, I’m still unemployed, hence the number of films watched this month. Hopefully we can get out in May and I’ll end up watching less!

[eddycurrents]

For the week of 11 November 2019

Quick Bits:

Batman & The Outsiders #7 throws some further ramifications of Ra’s al Ghul and his minions meddling with Duke and Sofia. Some particularly disturbing transformations going on with Duke that should be interesting. The level of intrigue that Bryan Hill is keeping in the story is gripping.

| Published by DC Comics

The Batman’s Grave #2 is another excellent issue. A little more packed with action than the first one, allowing Bryan Hitch to cut loose with some of the sequences. Also, I’m loving the humour that Warren Ellis is giving us between Alfred and Bruce. That acerbic wit is something we’ve seen from Alfred a lot and Ellis just nails the voice.

| Published by DC Comics

Battlepug #3 is more fun from Mike Norton, Allen Passalaqua, and Crank! Some really nice stuff here as Bryony cuts loose on Nobody’s Ponies. I absolutely love the mix of traditional sword and sorcery storytelling with rather over-the-top humour that basically lampoons it at the same time.

| Published by Image

Black Cat Annual #1 is a fun tale of a heist on the Maggia by Black Cat and Spider-Man from Jed MacKay, Joey Vazquez, Natacha Bustos, Juan Gedeon, Brian Reber, and Ferran Delgado. It features the usual humour and action that we see in the series and I quite like how the artists are broken up each following one particular aspect of the story. Though it’s all one narrative, it gives a nice differing feel to each part.

| Published by Marvel

Black Hammer / Justice League: Hammer of Justice #5 concludes what has been an excellent series from Jeff Lemire, Michael Walsh, and Nate Piekos. Ultimately, this has reminded me of the old JLA/JSA crossovers of old, and just feels great as an overall story. Plus the possibility of seeing a sequel.

| Published by Dark Horse & DC Comics

Black Panther and the Agents of Wakanda #3 begins “God Loves, Moon Kills”, another two-parter for this series, from Jim Zub, Lan Medina, Craig Yeung, Marcio Menyz, Federico Blee, and Joe Sabino. I love this story format, giving us essentially quick-hit missions dealing with a problem and then moving on. It’s yielded some pretty tight storytelling and some fascinating situations.

| Published by Marvel

Black Stars Above #1 is another incredible debut for Vault, with Lonnie Nadler, Jenna Cha, Brad Simpson, and Hassan Otsmane-Elhaou delivering an incredibly deep and unique horror story. It centres around a young woman in a family of fur traders, as the trade itself begins to die in Canada, and it’s impressive as to how real the characters and their struggle feels. The artwork from Cha and Simpson is exquisite.

| Published by Vault

Buffy + Angel: Hellmouth #2 continues Buffy and Angel’s descent through hell. It’s much more cerebral than you’d expect, with the demons trying to get into Buffy and Angel’s respective heads in order to manipulate and destroy them. Plus, a rather interesting surprise. Jordie Bellaire, Jeremy Lambert, Eleonora Carlini, Cris Peter, and Ed Dukeshire are doing some great work with the core of this event.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Collapser #5 somehow gets even stranger in this penultimate issue as Liam creates a “perfect” world to run away from the problems he’s having in the real world. The real world bleeding through and a revelation of his girlfriend’s true intentions just ratchet up the strangeness further. Mikey Way, Shaun Simon, Ilias Kyriazis, Cris Peter, and Simon Bowland are just doing amazing work here.

| Published by DC Comics / Young Animal

Detective Comics #1015 takes an interesting turn as Nora decides that she likes being a villain. Through this, Peter J. Tomasi is definitely showing an interesting side to Mr. Freeze, emphasizing again that he’s a rather conflicted villain, only doing the various heinous actions to save his wife. Who now doesn’t need him.

| Published by DC Comics

Doctor Mirage #4 features more incredibly beautiful, inventive artwork from Nick Robles and Jordie Bellaire. The visual storytelling as Shan faces the Embalmer is just incredible. Magdalene Visaggio, Robles, Bellaire, and Dave Sharpe continue to deliver magic with this penultimate issue.

| Published by Valiant

Edgar Allan Poe’s Snifter of Terror: Season Two #2 is another entertaining issue. The lead tale from Tom Peyer, Greg Scott, Lee Loughridge, and Rob Steen has traditional EC Comics horror vibes, as a scientist tries to communicate with our worm overlords. In one of the comics back-ups Mark Russell, Peter Snejbjerg, and Steen revisit the world of the breakfast cereal monsters. And there’s the usual prose pieces, poetry, and Hunt Emerson’s Black Cat. 

| Published by Ahoy

Event Leviathan #6 concludes this series from Brian Michael Bendis, Alex Maleev, and Josh Reed. How much you enjoy it will hinge on how much you enjoy Maleev’s art and the realization that most of this tale is about moving one person off the board and the reveal of Leviathan to set up further stories. Also, Bendis paints a Batman who is ridiculously terrible at hiding his secret identity.

| Published by DC Comics

Fallen Angels #1 is the final new first issue of this first wave of “Dawn of X” titles and in many ways it’s more personal than the other X-titles, even Excalibur, delving into Psylocke (the former Kwannon, not Betsy Braddock) and her past. Bryan Hill, Szymon Kudranski, Frank D’Armata, and Joe Sabino deliver an interesting story with hooks on the darker side of the X-world, including some ominous bits from Magneto and Sinister, but I question the inclusion of X-23 and Cable. They don’t exactly seem to fit the roles they’ve been put into here.

| Published by Marvel

Family Tree #1 is a phenomenal debut from Jeff Lemire, Phil Hester, Eric Gapstur, Ryan Cody, and Steve Wands. This first issue perfectly captures that insidious nature of family drama mixed with creeping terror and body horror as a bizarre plague begins spreading across America.

| Published by Image

Far Sector #1 is one of the most impressive debuts I’ve read in a long time. NK Jemisin, Jamal Campbell, and Deron Bennett create a rich new world in the City Enduring and a compelling character in the new Green Lantern, Sojourner Mullein. The murder mystery that ties everything together is just the icing on the cake. Incredible world-building here and drop dead gorgeous artwork. Do not miss this.

| Published by DC Comics / Young Animal

The Flash #82 is part one of “Rogues’ Reign” from Joshua Williamson, Rafa Sandoval, Jordi Tarragona, Arif Prianto, and Steve Wands. It features a Central City taken over by the Rogues, transformed into their own personal playgrounds, as the Flash is nowhere to be found. It’s not bad, but the amount you’re going to like it may be relative to how much you’re also enjoying “City of Bane” and the recently concluded similar arc involving the Trickster.

| Published by DC Comics

Folklords #1 is off to a fantastic start from Matt Kindt, Matt Smith, Chris O’Halloran, and Jim Campbell. It starts off with a precocious kid in a fantasy world who’s been having visions of what essentially amounts to our world, whose quest sets out a rather draconian lockdown on their society when the Librarians rein in everyone from illicit action, like finding the Folklords. Highly recommended.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Forgotten Home #2 reveals more about Jannada, its history and society, and how an unjust queen was brought to rule through racial warfare. Love the artwork from Marika Cresta and Matt Emmons.

| Published by Vices Press

Gideon Falls #18 unleashes the Laughing Man on reality in part two of “The Pentoculus”. Jeff Lemire, Andrea Sorrentino, Dave Stewart, and Steve Wands are beautifully unfolding this twisted and horrific flower of a story.

| Published by Image

Gotham City Monsters #3 adds another element of DC lore to the series as Melmoth claims a particular prize. I really quite like how Steve Orlando, Amancay Nahuelpan, Trish Mulvihill, and Tom Napolitano are pulling together disparate bits of Gotham and beyond to craft this story.

| Published by DC Comics

Guardians of the Galaxy #11 is the penultimate issue of this series from Donny Cate, Cory Smith, Victor Olazaba, David Curiel, and Cory Petit. It’s basically a big fight between the remaining Guardians and everyone else. It doesn’t go so well.

| Published by Marvel

Hawkman #18 takes a somewhat different approach to Hawkman’s infection than what we’ve seen of the others so far. Rather than being a dark reflection of Hawkman’s own desires, he’s taken over by an Earth-3 incarnation in Sky Tyrant. Robert Venditti, Pat Olliffe, Tom Palmer, Jeremiah Skipper, and Richard Starkings & Comicraft instead use that to play the spirit of our Hawkman against.

| Published by DC Comics

Hit-Girl: Season Two #10 is part two of “India”. The artwork from Alison Sampson and Tríona Farrell is impressive, given an amazing level of detail to bringing Mumbai to life. Brutal and rich in colour.

| Published by Image

House of Whispers #15 takes a new twist as the Corinthian finds the House of Watchers, takes over, and everything changes. Nalo Hopkinson, Dan Watters, Dominike “Dono” Stanton, Zac Atkinson, and AndWorld Design kick off some new terrors as even Erzulie’s status quo is upended, and we get another guest appearance of John Constantine’s homecoming.

| Published by DC Comics - Black Label / The Sandman Universe

Invaders #11 pushes deeper into Steve and Namor’s history and relationship, as Steve refuses to give up on his old friend. There’s some very heavy, very good character work here as we head into the final issue. Chip Zdarsky, Carlos Magno, Butch Guice, Alex Guimarães, and Travis Lanham continue to astonish at the incredibly high bar they’ve set for this story.

| Published by Marvel

Justice League Odyssey #15 is a fun tale from Dan Abnett, Will Conrad, Rain Beredo, Pete Pantazis, and AndWorld Design. Jessica Cruz leading a rag tag band of villains (and Orion) against Darkseid and the previous JLO turned evil is unfolding as a very entertaining story with some interesting twists. Also, Dex-Starr is awesome.

| Published by DC Comics

Morbius #1 isn’t a bad start from Vita Ayala, Marcelo Ferreira, Roberto Poggi, Dono Sánchez-Almara, and Clayton Cowles. This first issue is largely just action as Morbius sets out on his quest to cure himself, again, but it’s not bad. The art from Ferreira, Poggi, and Sánchez-Almara is very nice.

| Published by Marvel

Oblivion Song #21 continues the slowburn investigation and reconnaissance of the Faceless Men’s base, as Marco tries to map it out and discover where they’re holding all of the people who decided to stay in Oblivion. Gorgeous artwork from Lorenzo De Felici and Annalisa Leoni as we see more of the Faceless Men’s technology.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Psi-Lords #6 does a bit more world-building as we find out more about the Psi-Lords and the Starwatchers, even as the four Earthers are beset by the other Marked in a bizarre farce of a trial. Fred Van Lente, Renato Guedes, and Dave Sharpe are telling a pretty great sci-fi adventure tale here. It largely stands alone in the greater Valiant universe framework and deserves more attention than its getting.

| Published by Valiant

Punisher: Soviet #1 is another welcome return to the Punisher by Garth Ennis, stepping back into Frank’s adventures like he never left. Ennis, Jacen Burrows, Guillermo Ortego, Nolan Woodard, and Rob Steen deliver a brutal and bloody beginning as Frank chases down someone who everyone seems to think is him.

| Published by Marvel / MAX

Reaver #5 is a fairly impressive spotlight for Breaker as he does what he really didn’t want to do again in order to help his “friends”. Justin Jordan, Rebekah Isaacs, Alex Guimarães, and Clayton Cowles present a number of twists and surprises in one of the most brutal issues yet.

| Published by Image / Skybound

Ronin Island #8 sees the remaining islanders largely stand together as they try to both stand up to and flee from the Shogun’s soldiers and madness. With a terrible occurrence that looks like it’s going to cause even more problems for the survivors. Giannis Milonogiannis and Irma Kniivila’s art continues to be everything.

| Published by BOOM! Studios

Sea of Stars #5 very nicely puts the pieces together as a disconsolate Gil has been captured and basically given up thinking Kadyn dead is brought to the world where his son is about to be gutted. Jason Aaron, Dennis Hallum, Stephen Green, Rico Renzi, and Jared K. Fletcher are telling an incredible story here and this issue throws even more twists at the reader.

| Published by Image

Seven Days #2 unfolds some of the fallout of people learning that they only have seven days left, as the superhero community is enlisted to try to stop whatever the shiny harbinger things are. Gail Simone, José Luís, Jonas Trinidade, Michelle Madsen, and Saida Temofonte are continuing to build an intriguing story here as we get more and more of the breadth of the Catalyst Prime universe.

| Published by Lion Forge / Catalyst Prime

Superman #17 is kind of a housekeeping issue from Brian Michael Bendis, Kevin Maguire, Paul Mounts, and Dave Sharpe, acting as a prologue to “The Truth”. A bit of reflection on the Unity Saga, Event Leviathan, and Year of the Villain.

| Published by DC Comics

Tales from the Dark Multiverse: Blackest Night #1 might well be the best of these one-shots yet. Tim Seeley, Kyle Hotz, Dexter Vines, Walden Wong, Danny Miki, David Baron, Allen Passalaqua, and Tom Napolitano give us a bleak look at a world where Sinestro chose not to share the power of the White Lantern light and essentially everything fell to Nekron and the Black Lanterns. It’s a very unique take on the zombie apocalypse on its own, made more interesting as a fallen Sinestro, Lobo, and Dove try to save this universe. The art from Hotz, Vines, Wong, Miki, Baron, and Passalaqua is perfect.

| Published by DC Comics

Trees: Three Fates #3 continues to build up the weird atmosphere from last issue, then turns around and focuses on more of the gritty aspects of Oleg, Mik, and Nina. Gorgeous artwork all throughout from Jason Howard and Dee Cunniffe.

| Published by Image

Triage #3 shifts to Commander Marco’s reality as the group flee from the Hunter. I really like what Phillip Sevy and Frank Cvetkovic have been doing with this story. Great high concept, but the interpersonal relationships are where it’s really at.

| Published by Dark Horse

Usagi Yojimbo #6 is a beautiful updating and embellishment of the very first story of Usagi from Albedo by Stan Sakai and Tom Luth. This single issue story really captures the spirit and magic of all of Sakai’s stories, wonderfully portraying his mix of action and folklore.

| Published by IDW

Vampirella/Red Sonja #3 explores more of what the Russians were doing in regards to Drakulon and more. More very nice humour from Jordie Bellaire in the interactions between Vampirella and Sonja.

| Published by Dynamite

Wonder Woman #82 begins “The Wild Hunt” from the new creative team of Steve Orlando, Kieran McKeown, Scott Hanna, Romulo Fajardo Jr., and Pat Brosseau. It very much continues on from the plot threads and elements of the previous run, continuing to build on the current conflict between Wonder Woman and Cheetah.

| Published by DC Comics

X-Men #2 is pretty damn great, going back to the big and wild ideas bringing new elements into the X-universe, all while Cyclops gives some of the strangest parenting. Jonathan Hickman, Leinil Francis Yu, Garry Alanguilan, Sunny Gho, and Clayton Cowles give us a new mystery with the arrival of Arakko and the first of -|A|-’s missing original horsemen.

| Published by Marvel

Other Highlights: Age of Conan: Valeria #4, Agents of Atlas #4, Catwoman #17, Doctor Who: The Thirteenth Doctor Holiday Special #1, The Dollhouse Family #1, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark #10, Firefly: The Sting, Future Foundation #4, Ghosted in LA #5, GI Joe: A Real American Hero #268, Girl on Film, Go Go Power Rangers #25, Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy #3, History of the Marvel Universe #5, Marvel Action: Spider-Man #11, Midnight Vista #3, Moonshine #13, Runaways #27, RWBY (print) #2, RWBY (digital) #6, Savage Sword of Conan #11, Star Wars #74, Star Wars: Jedi - Fallen Order: Dark Temple #4, Star Wars: Target Vader #5, The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #50

Recommended Collections: Babyteeth - Volume 3, Dark Red - Volume 1, Fallen World, GLOW - Volume 1: Versus the Star Primas, Justice League - Volume 4: The Sixth Dimension, Savage Avengers - Volume 1: City of Sickles, Star Wars: Age of Resistance - Heroes, Star Wars Adventures - Volume 7: Pomp and Circumstance, Wonder Twins - Volume 1: Activate

d. emerson eddy can hear the scratching at the walls of reality.

[catboycumgutters]

Tweet by user YesYoureRacist:

“Deplatforming white supremacists will only make them louder and stronger” Counterpoint: [a screenshot of a Facebook post by verified user Milo Yiannopoulous] Over the past three years, I have spent literally millions of dollars trying to do talks, speeches, events, rallies, and protests, to say nothing of the stuff I do behind the scenes I can never tell you about. A lot of that money was my own wealth, from before I even started in journalism. My events almost never happen. It’s protests, or sabotage from Republican competitors or social media outcries. Every time, it costs me tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars. And when I get dumped from conferences, BARELY ANYONE makes a sound about it - not my fellow conservative media figures and not even, in many cases, you guys. When was the last time any of you protested in the street at the treatment meted out to me or Pamela Gellar or Mike Cernovich or Alex Jones? I have repeatedly put myself in harm’s way in service of American values. My annual security bill amounts to hundreds of thousands of dollars - just so my husband and I don’t get killed going for sushi. I have to make that money somehow just to stay afloat, and that doesn’t scratch the surface of staff costs, insurance, your insane American taxes. I’ve fought bitterly and endlessly for freedom in a country I don’t even belong to - not for my benefit, but for yours. I have been betrayed and abandoned by everyone who ever called themselves my friend, with a small handful of notable exceptions. I was a significant factor in Donald Trump getting elected, for which I have received zero credit. I almost single-handedly ignited the current debate about free speech on campus and NO ONE has ever matched my ability to draw attention to these issues. For my trouble, I have lost everything standing up for the truth in America, spent all my savings, destroyed all my friendships, and ruined my whole life. At some point, you realize it’s occasionally better to spend the money on crabs and cocktails. If anyone has a problem with that, then frankly they can go fuck themselves. All I ever read here is criticism and ingratitude. You guys have no idea what I have sacrificed for you, and you think just because I drown my sorrows with a few expensive bottles of wine, you’re justified in calling me lazy and self-involved. I don’t advertise my selflessness, because I’m not a victim. But for the love of God show some recognition of what your front-line warriors have accomplished on your behalf, you entitled fucking babies. YOU WILL KEEP LOSING until you support those of us out there on the front lines while you tweet and Facebook from your living rooms.

[centaurianthropology]

The Magnus Archives ‘Dead Woman Walking’ (S03E14) Analysis

Sort of a continuation of the breather episode from last week, with far more in the way of statement, and less in the way of meta.  So a fairly short analysis.  Still, it’s an interesting new perspective on a being that has thus far been fairly unknown in this show: the End.  Come on in to hear what I think about ‘Dead Woman Walking’.

So there wasn’t a lot of meta here, per se, beyond what we can parse from the story regarding the End. I find it interesting that, at least from the perspective of that particular being, there is no true difference between now and any given end.  Everything is, in fact, just in a long process of ending.  The End almost seems like the embodiment of the entropy death of the universe: everything spreading and spreading until things are so cold that they just stop.  The end isn’t just a being focused on death, but instead is focused on the termination of all things.  

At first glance, this would resemble the Desolation, which seeks to burn the world and destroy everything in its path.  But the Desolation is focused on the act.  The End is focused on the inevitability.  It makes sense that we haven’t heard anything from this particular being, nor have any of its avatars surfaced.  It doesn’t need to act.  It, like the Beholding, simply watches and waits.  But while the Beholding does so due to a sense of observation and curiosity, the End waits because all things will end.  It doesn’t need to hasten the inevitable, because in its perspective, everything is already in the process of ending.  What it wants will happen.  Is happening. Has always happened.

And given that Georgie is no longer really able to feel any sort of fear, I have to think it likely she’s claimed by the End.  Not to the extent I would call her an avatar, but more like the subtle claims laid on Jon’s assistants.  An alignment, rather than active service.  

And this means that, to my relief, she won’t end up working at the Archives.  She won’t get sucked into the horrors that they will face, unless she does so as an ally rather than an unwilling pawn.  Her alignment is set, and she’s … actually sort of fine with it. The End is a quiet force.  It won’t harm her.  It won’t force her to do anything other than exactly what she’s doing: living her life with the certainty that there is no real difference between the moment she exists in as Georgie Barker, podcast host, and the moment when she ceases to exist.  And though there’s a certain depression to that notion, she seems to have found a sort of peace in it too that makes her one of the more healthy individuals embroiled with the supernatural.  

And honestly, I’m happy for her.  I was really worried she would get dragged into the Archives stuff, but with the End having already claimed her, Elias really can’t do much with her.  Hooray for Georgie, who might get as close to a happy ending as anyone in the TMA universe is allowed to get.

I also think that she and the End, might end up being tentative allies for Jon and the rest of the Institute.  Because the End may be apathetic to when things die, but it is an observer, like the Beholding.  I think there may be a degree of kinship there.  The question is, of course, now that Georgie is aware of the End as a being, will she be approached by its avatar?  I’m running with the assumption that the corpse woman is now the avatar of the End on earth, and having survived it, Georgie might be able to approach the woman again without much damage.  The question is what it did with the rest of its victims.  Are they now dead, or something more like undead?  Up and walking and acting, but absent mentally?  And if that’s the case, might we get a return of Alex?

Georgie could go any number of ways from here out.  She could be a background presence brought back in a later season.  She could become a major recurring character.  She could fade out entirely.  They’ve really left her future far more open than other characters, and I appreciate that.  I also appreciate that we’re slowly beginning to meet people who are claimed by other entities, and how radically different they are.  Their very attitudes seem to reflect the beings that cling to them: Georgie’s calm acceptance, Jude’s burning malice, Elias’ cold smugness, Mike’s thin veneer of polite interest hiding an iceberg of cruelty.  

And I really think that this is where TMA shines, in terms of cosmic horror.  It’s one of the most difficult horror genres to get right, because balancing the sense of incomprehensibility with explaining enough to satisfy an audience is really hard.  And TMA has a really interesting, unique way of doing it.  By positing that the people Jon is meeting or hearing about are facets of a greater and unknowable whole, we are guaranteed that we’ll only ever learn a certain amount about that being.  We can only learn the bits of it that can be translated into the mind of its followers, and even that will be interpreted through the follower’s individual personality and preferences.  Jude Perry’s take on the Desolation was likely very different to Agnes’, but both were likely true and false at the same time.  We see the shadows of these beings, but will never and can never see them as they truly are.  And that is a really fun way to approach cosmic horror.

Conclusions

This episode was one of the first in quite some time, and I believe the first this season, that was almost entirely statement.  The larger narrative was in the statement, and the only real meta we got outside of that was a little about Georgie’s state of mind, and the fact that taking statements this rapidly is exhausting to Jon.  And though the meta was light, this was a really nice way of tying off Georgie’s story thus far in the season, and opening her character up to new possibilities down the line.  After a meta-heavy opening to the season, it feels like we’re settling into a period that may well be a little more statement heavy.

Of course, I have the feeling that next week Jon will likely return to the archives.  So the larger story is going to have new directions to explore.  I really need to hear him dealing with his coworkers.  Melanie is realizing exactly what he accidentally got her involved in, giving her the pass to the Institute’s library.  Tim is paralyzed by bitterness and betrayal, and blind to the fact that everyone around him is in the exact same boat.  Martin has been desperate to hold everything together, and his efforts have been roundly ignored or mocked.  Basira is now in a new place with a job that makes no sense.  No one in the archives is happy.

But Jon is slowly starting to be a better person.  Not a great person.  He’s still a disaster and an idiot more often than not.  But he cares.  And as things get dire, he seems more willing to acknowledge his responsibilities and his regard for those around him.  And Jon needs to get his assistants back on board.  I doubt that the Circus of the Other is going to wait very long to make their first move.

[aion-rsa]

Matt Amodio is the Real Jeopardy! Story Right Now

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

As you may have heard, things are a bit hectic for Jeopardy! at the moment. 

The beloved quiz show announced on August 11 that it had finally done the impossible and selected legendary host Alex Trebek’s replacement. In this case, it’s replacements. Jeopardy! executive producer Mike Richards will take over as the full time host of the syndicated series beginning with its 38th season. Meanwhile, fellow guest host and former Blossom and Big Bang Theory actress Mayim Bialik will also be involved with the show going forward. Bialik will shepherd several upcoming primetime Jeopardy! specials starting with the Jeopardy! National College Championship airing on ABC this year.

Naturally, the choices were immediately met with controversy, as any choices regarding Trebek’s replacement(s) were bound to be. We went deep on our concerns over Richards’ selection over here (TL;DR he’s got some baggage and it’s a little distasteful to have an executive producer conducting a hosting search choose himself). 

Additionally, some people felt that the choice of two new hosts was a bit of a cop out. One of the reasons why Trebek became a TV icon in the first place was his sheer consistency. His onscreen presence was inseparable from Jeopardy! itself. By choosing Richards and Bialik, the show is making it difficult for either of them to truly make the role their own.

Jeopardy! GOAT contestant James Holzhauer made a joke of it on Twitter, as he is oft to do.

Also new for next season: contestants can submit two Final Jeopardy responses in case the first one causes public backlash https://t.co/97k5INXKR6

— James Holzhauer (@James_Holzhauer) August 11, 2021

But enough about all that. For, while the journey to replace Alex Trebek is certainly fascinating, it’s likely not what Trebek would want us to focus on right now. The star of Jeopardy! is always Jeopardy! And amid all the hosting shenanigans, there is a contestant who is absolutely kicking Jeopardy!’s ass right now and deserves our attention.

This is Matt Amodio. He is a monster.

Following yet another victory on Wednesday, Amodio has won an astounding 16 games in a row and taken home over $500,000 (you know, before taxes and stuff). The graduate student based in New Haven, Connecticut has now firmly inserted himself into the Jeopardy! record books. He’s fifth in consecutive wins and fourth in highest winnings (regular season play). The only players to have won more prize money are Ken Jennings, James Holzhauer, and Jason Zuffranieri. 

What’s arguably more impressive, however, is how Amodio is winning. The genial man from Medina, Ohio is destroying his competition. His games are usually over shortly after Double Jeopardy! begins. By the time Final Jeopardy! rolls around, he’s often competing against only himself. 

Interestingly Final Jeopardy! may be his only weakness as several times he’s bet aggressively to inflate his already massive score yet answered incorrectly. If Amodio had nailed any of these Final Jeopardy! gambits, he would have a few entries in the top 10 of highest single game winnings. Right now that top 10 category is absurdly 10 different James Holzhauer games.

In addition to being an incredible Jeopardy! player, Amodio is a wonderful Jeopardy! personality. Matt has several idiosyncrasies that drive longtime viewers of the show crazy. The first is his stubborn refusal to ever say “I’d like to make this a true daily double” when betting all of his money during a daily double. That seems like a deep violation to Jeopardy! purists whose most sincere goal is to be able to utter those memeable words.

Amodio also begins every answer (or question as Jeopardy!’s answers are technically styled) with “What’s.” Every answer on Jeopardy! must be phrased in the form of the question, of course. But Amodio refuses to exert any brain power on figuring out the correct article to begin his question with. An answer that should be “Who is Chester Arthur?” becomes “What’s Chester Arthur?” This is in keeping with Jeopardy!’s rules but it still feels like a spiritual violation to some fans.

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In this way, Amodio has become something like a “bad boy” of Jeopardy! in only the delightfully pedantic way that nerds would categorize it. More importantly: he’s exactly what the show needs right now. Runs like this are far from unprecedented in Jeopardy! history. But this is the first time we’ve seen such dominance since Trebek died late last year.

It’s Amodio, more than any guest host, who has proven that it’s possible for the Jeopardy! magic to continue into a new era.

The post Matt Amodio is the Real Jeopardy! Story Right Now appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[aleatoryalarmalligator]

Life Story Part 99

Unfortunately for me, on my first day of work, I was invited to see Okkervil River play down in Boise with Josh, Melissa and Whitney. I couldn't skip my first day of work however unlucky it was that it fell on the same day. So Allison ended up going instead. I ended up really liking Okkervil River later on when I was given more exposure to them and have always been sorry I didn't get to see the show. Allison got to meet Will Sheff the lead singer. She also got to know Whitney and Josh and Melissa better. Their connection to Zack ultimately was very limited. Whitney was his sister, but nobody was really involved with Zack since he had gotten into harder and harder drugs, and for the most part Josh, Whitney and Melissa  had chosen to cut down. They all seemed to love Allison too, admiring the fact that she played music and wrote her own songs, was cheery and enjoyable overall. Allison felt idolized by people, potential friends who were older than her, who made her feel mature. This really became a huge deal for her. She felt she had found her new family I think. Whitney and Josh became somewhat of an obsession for her in particular. When she got back she could talk about little else but them. She now had friends, and it meant more to her than anything in her young life. It meant she was differentiated from me, and could get away from whatever she found awful about me. It meant that she had finally found acceptance after pining for friendship for so long.

Alex, Sarah's ex, finally moved to Georgia. He had stayed for the last few months to say goodbye to some of his work friends at Shopko. Sarah and I drove up to her family's ranch to say goodbye to him for the last time before he went on his way. I guess despite the mess of him and Sarah's relationship, they had spent six years with one another. It was an awful long time, and they still had a strange history with one another and connection that couldn't be erased. They didn't want to leave with mutual dislike for one another. It was weird because just as I had begun to make friend with Alex, him and Sarah had broken up and he was moving. In fact, Alex had reached out to me to see if I was okay after he found out about Sarah's decision to be with Zack. He knew Sarah and my friendship enough to know that I was probably mentally destroyed by the whole ordeal. I sent him a message telling him I gave them my blessing. It was weird as I the smoke from that spring cleared just a bit, that my attitude about Sarah and Zack had done a one-eighty. I no longer was all that supportive or sympathetic. I was still hurt, but the hurt was becoming something else. I was growing to accept certain parts of what happened, and no longer seeing every detail of what came next as being significant or having anything to do with me really. I had my own life to live. But back when Alex had asked me if I was okay on facebook, I hadn't been able to articulate that.

I remember we hung around in the hammocks and Sarah and Alex reminisced about the fun times they had had early on in their relationship, and how they had grown to bigger and better things. They avoided the topic of Zack. Alex might have said something about Zack being a drug addict, which made Sarah uncomfortable and change the conversation. For some of it, I went on my own and picked flowers. It was a pleasant and somewhat reserved goodbye. We all hugged one another and Alex left. He would be going to Georgia. Sarah gave him her truck that she had gotten from her mother, and he took their cat Gooboo with him and off he went to start his new life elsewhere.

I still having a terrible time, but the terrible time was changing into something euphoric. I could never manage to fully explain it to anyone. I felt like I was being driven and change into something that felt a little bit like hysteria. Reality was not grounded, but in a new way then the ungrounded reality of winter. In a way, this lack of clarity was more wild and vivid and involved action and feelings that needed to be expressed. I didn't feel the movements happening around me. I was the movements. I was the universe. I was connected to the vibrations of everything, and I became whatever I felt which could be anything at any given time. I felt invincible for weeks straight, and at random intervals I felt like death and I would cry. I couldn't show it much of the time at my new job – but I found ways to channel that energy when I worked, I couldn't act the crazy that I felt inside mostly, but I would go home some nights and I would still sob uncontrollably, or laugh uncontrollably. And internally, I began to wonder if there was something chemically off balance about me. I remembered getting diagnosed with chemical imbalance when I was in fifth grade. I remembered all the reactions I had had in my youth, all the strong ups and downs. I remember in the alternative school, Jenni telling me that Mike thought there was something psychologically off about me. It was hard to tell where circumstances made my behavior normal, and which parts of it were all me. Because life had been wildly unfair to me. I say this without self pity. I wasn't dealt the worst cards, but they were pretty shabby just the same. And no matter how crazy I was, had there ever been someone in my life who wasn't crazier than me? How could I gauge if I was well or not.

Looking at the diagnoses for bipolar disorder, I began identifying with a lot of it. I felt malleable and crazy and ready to take all manner of risks. I had started feeling anxious and euphoric at times when I was a teenager. And I had found ways to deaden this side to myself, but now there was no filter for those feelings. I felt euphoric and powerful, and fell into these dark irritable moods. I rarely took things out on people, but I had recently confused Allison by demanding that she start playing Ziggy Stardust the next time I started to cry, and when she did so I chastised her and told her she was being insensitive, and got in her face about it. Which was wrong on my part and I felt like an ass as I did it, but it annoyed me so much the idea that she could remedy my misery automatically. I had told her she could of course, but now I was finding myself insulted by her following the orders that I had put out. Of course I had no means of taking risks, at least not many – but if I had money I would have gambled. If there was some viable options for relationships of any kind, I could have found myself throwing myself out sexually as a means of self destruction. Fortunately, there were never many outlets for me to pour myself into.

Of course, I never got a real diagnosis for bipolar disorder, and my cycles didn't/don't always align with the cycles that are put forth by the psychiatric community. Over the years, I have monitored myself and I think what it comes down to is this. I probably have what some people consider, type 3 bipolar, Cyclothymia. My moods go up and down like bipolar, but the depression is generally not as low as it goes, and my ups aren't so destabilizing that I entirely lose it, but I still am on a very rocky boat, and my perception changes on me drastically. It's difficult to diagnose, and it's questionable if medication would be worth it in my particular situation because I have found ways to manage it almost – so long as everything is going somewhat smoothly in my life (no break-ups or deaths). However, if I am going through very troubling life circumstances, my symptoms start to look like type 2, and in these situations I really can fall. I begin to become delusional. Which is why I require a lot of self monitoring – more self monitoring than people probably recognize. It makes me seem self absorbed, but often times it's just there is a complex science to understanding myself and where I am at. It's hard because with a type 2 bipolar diagnosis, I would have something concrete to explain to myself and the world what it's like to be me, but since I don't generally and I feel mildly silly at times for self diagnosing (I fall as well in a low level autistic spectrum), I am hesitant to say anything about it to anyone. The summer of 2011, I could probably have used some therapy and medication. It would have done me a world of good I am sure. But of course, therapy and medication is for people who have insurance. Dishwashers generally don't get insurance.

Honestly too I guess, I am not always certain I really want to get rid of the ups and downs (mainly the ups). It's come to be a part of who I am – regardless of what I do or do not have. I worry mostly about the potential for spiraling out of control when stuff gets hard, and I have never really had any support with this aspect of my personality. I am completely on my own. I can never fully trust myself either – I have time periods when I need very little prompting to make terrible destructive decisions, and while I was doing it I didn't even know. I feel like I am addicted to life, and everything I do is intriguing and great, and then later on I have to deal with it. There is potential for disaster in me. I lack boundaries. Sarah has pointed out that I am very malleable. But I guess I could argue that if I am not to be trusted, then neither is anyone else. When you shift between perspectives often, you realize that people who flat line in one perspective sometimes lack the ability to realize that everything is perspective – and we are all doing the best we can from where we are at emotionally and psychologically.

One thing that is hard is that when your falling there is this unspeakable disappointment – like everything you believed in and are working on is a lie. I fill up with dread and shame and confusion. It feels like life is over. My whole body hurts and I lay in bed for days and just can't think. It lasts for about a month to six months straight, and everything I have to do like going to work is much harder and I feel ugly and ashamed and numb all the time. Writing helps me through because it reminds me that my thoughts are real and that I am a person of some kind. I have to take steps to get back on my feet – force myself to eat properly, do things for myself I don't want to do – shower, dress up, and when I finally do get on my feet I am fine for a few months, and then something sparks in my mind and I am ambitious and euphorically excited to be alive and everything gets crazy and magical again. This can be mild or really intense, depending on what's happening in my life, but the fall from grace is just horrible feeling. It comes on like when you know you are becoming nauseated due to the flu. You just have to brace yourself and accept that the gig of feeling really good is over for awhile.

I worry too that I will be seen as weak and this is ultimately the grand scheme of my personality. I feel defensive because otherwise, when I get comfortable in any given situation I know that my gauge and reaction to how I fit into the picture is skewed. Whether I am up or down, I don't have the kind of pragmatic middle ground that keeps me safe or levelheaded. I am not really exactly crazy in the sense that I am dangerous to other people directly, but there is a lack of level ground to go home to and if someone were to take me seriously I feel like I would burn them out pretty bad. I am to a degree, whatever state I happen to be in – and it causes me to seem chaotic, counterproductive, easily distracted and inconsistent so relying on me could potentially disappoint and confuse people who think they understood who I was before. I am always vulnerable at all times to whoever wants to take advantage of me for this reason as well. I am embarrassed and insecure when I am down, and when I am up I become easily flattered and obsessive and both manipulative and manipulated. I make decisions based on curiosity and don't think of the outcomes. I see myself as a chaotic and potentially damaging person who at times must be quarantined. So for this reason, I go between intense feelings of not trusting myself to be around others and not trusting other people to being around me, and then deeply wanting comfort and support and to be extremely intimate with other people and smothered – but then I resent that too because I want to feel independent and free, so there is no winning. I have to invent walls to make people not want to be around me, because I fear they will think I am crazy if they knew me. And what I need one day I do not need the next. I honestly feel guilty whenever I want to be closer to people.

The benefit is that I feel like I can reexperience childlike delight in living to some extent the way a lot of people around me cannot. I will always eventually be rewarded with a certain wave of euphoria and a heightened sense of being that always seems worth the sadness I previously experienced. I become very creative. I have a vision of what it is that I want and who I am. The fog clears. It's intense and real. I can take charge of things that were difficult before. It ends too soon, but in those times I feel very alive. I guess I wouldn't want to stabilize because this is the only way I know how to get things done. And in my middle points, I know what it feels like to be both up and down. With this perspective, I can grasp a lot of concepts. I can understand say, something entirely unrelated to myself, World War 1 for instance. I can look at it from multiple vantage points, and I can do so through the guise of knowing and seeing through the lenses and memories of my own angled vision. Which sounds really strange, but it has helped me write good papers so I think I am onto something.

Call it a mood disorder, or the change of the seasons, but I was beginning to emerge from the spell I was under, damaged permanently, but I walked out alive just the same. I had accepted that there was no going back to the old life. Whatever fate had dished out, it hadn't been what I had expected it to be. But through those difficult months (which I wasn't entirely over yet), I had found a sort of strength and knowledge of myself, and the longer I went on surviving, the more I came to trust my own instincts, to follow my intuition, and to be my own person. I didn't want to wait for things to happen to me. My entire life had been one long ugly wait for one thing and then the next. I wanted to make things happen for myself.

It was probably rather strange, likely influenced by The Dresden Dolls or Klaus Nomi, but I sometimes would go into the bathroom and paint my face up like a clown – not the typical clown one hires to do gimmicky stuff and laugh creepily at birthday parties, that isn't the type of clown I was. I was a perriot clown, something artistic and strangely pretty and ornamental and frightening. I felt internally like a shattered doll, something broken and upsetting and perfect in it's brokenness. Maybe to others I was just a minimum wage slave, maybe Sarah and Zack were too dull to fully recognize who I was internally in the ballroom theater of my inner life. And I was more than that. I could do whatever I wanted. I could be a painter, a musician, a performer, a writer. No doubt David thought of me as somehow a foul terrible person – and perhaps he had a point. Maybe I had just broken to the point where I didn't care anymore. In any case, I was happier and had more of a vision seeing myself through the lenses of my own imagination. I was more productive in how lived. I felt the preciousness of life in each breath I took. And really, I didn't perform most of the time or behave in any way that might seem as wild and as vivid as the self image I had of myself laid away in my mind, but it was there, and the outer world and my place in it was somewhat of a mask.

I let go of some assumed expectation, and instead I chose to be myself. Whatever was meant to be would be – my natural identity was my destiny and I was going to live so strongly as me that there could be no mistake or imperfection or forlorn sense of loss. I would attack my goals, not with a sense of duty, but with a passion for my visions and my feelings. I wasn't going to worry anymore about offending others. I think this was my way of breaking free from the identity that I had thought was me for so long, the corner I had been painted into socially by friends and family who either meant me well or didn't but had never fully understood me. I was becoming the girl my father had tried to terrorize me into hiding – and now she was coming out and taking power over the game. She was now me  - I didn't have to lock her up in a box anymore or check with Sarah to see if it was okay to be myself anymore. I wasn't ashamed to feel feminine or excitable or pretty anymore.

I threw away most of my jeans and t shirts that weren't for work, and I instead decided from there on then that I would always look my best – I would paint my eyes and my lips, and chose to wear dresses always. Wearing dresses had always been taboo for me. I had never felt confident with my own femininity or pretty enough to wear them. I wasn't allowed to wear them in school – mostly due to the kind of pressure that I would have come up against and the fact that I was afraid to feel helpless and gross somehow. At home my father had this unspoken assessment that wearing dresses was a sexual act. He hadn't shamed me, but given how he always sited studies that said that men were more attracted to women who wore dresses over jeans I had this feeling he would have been threatened by the idea that I was going to bring men home if I wore dresses. There was stigma to dresses – being dolled up was a weapon. It implied I was both a weak girly fool, and a lecherous whore – but somehow it meant that I was brave in a way that I hadn't been raised to be. And I hadn't had any female influence in my life to make the transition easier. I didn't know what to wear, or how to wear it. So wearing dresses was part of my truer self. It was empowering, and it was the way I was going to live my life from here on out.

I ended up getting an ear infection the first week that I worked in the dish pit. I had to wear a plain black baseball style cap and it covered my ears and between the sweat of working hard and the steam that rolled out of the dish machine, my ears became moist inside and I ended up with swimmer's ear. In a way, this ear infection was my new becoming – just like the one I had had at seventeen had been a becoming of sorts. I came out of the intense mind numbing feverish pain transformed and humbled. I managed this ear infection however, somehow I miraculously didn't have to take any days off of work. I went to the hospital, and they billed me three-hundred dollars to see a doctor for five minutes and get a very tiny bottle of ear infection medicine that did very little. I still have not paid the bill. When I ran out the infection came back. I didn't want to have to pay thousands of dollars because of the ear infection and I didn't want to go back to the doctors, so I instead looked up natural remedies to swimmer's ear online, and I discovered that the bacteria responsible could not live in certain pH conditions. Vinegar would kill anything growing in my ear, so I began to pour vinegar in my ear and almost immediately the ear infection cleared up. For a few weeks though, I smelled like apple cider vinegar. And my inner ear stung a bit from the acidity of the vinegar.

My mother was laying in her strange place one day as I was preparing to go to work, and she began asking me what was wrong with Sarah. Why was Sarah wasting her youth on some ugly mugged idiot who was clearly using her for her money. It was hard to picture Sarah as the fool she was clearly being. It was painful to watch Sarah so transparently give up so much of her individuality and things about her that made her so great to this horrible person who didn't even recognize or appreciate her. I shrugged and told my mother to ask Sarah about it – because honestly, I had lost the plot and I questioned my own ability to see through the reeds.

So then Sarah came out of her bedroom, and my mom told her to come to the bed and sit down to have a chat. My mom, quite confusingly, and much to her credit was the only adult that actually sat down and tried to talk to Sarah about where she was going with her life throughout this entire ordeal. My father had for some reason wanted to bring her down in some fashion, and Sarah's own mom was more or less left in the dark. I feel like Carol understood more than she let on, but the idea of her precious daughter running around with the likes of Zack wasn't something she personally felt she could face. Carol could be strong in some circumstances, a very industrious and straight forward person. But she could also be incredibly avoidant about personal issues that mattered, particularly where Sarah was concerned. She was afraid to admit to herself that Sarah was messing up, and she was afraid to tell Sarah what to do. She was secretly worried I am sure.

My mother explained it well. She didn't come from a position of loathing Sarah for hurting me, she didn't react defensively or rudely or come at it from an angle of trying to put Sarah down. She asked Sarah what on earth was going on with her. Was she okay? Could she not see that Zack was a terrible boyfriend? She asked her details about Zack. Sarah did her best to answer, and did her best to make excuses – but it sounded weak to her as soon as she made those excuses. Her voice faltered. My mom tried to explain to Sarah that she had also had boyfriends who were bad for her in her own life, men she had wasted absurd amounts of time on, who used her for her money (remember James), and wouldn't work. And in my mother's experience as a bartender for low end bars in town, she had seen men like Zack and they were always terrible and the women who ran after them thinking they would be the one to change them always came out of the situation short handed and oftentimes bitter about it. And my mom wanted to see Sarah with someone who would at least do his part financially. She wanted Sarah to thrive. She was too beautiful to be wasting herself on this gross selfish creep who didn't even change his clothes. Sarah didn't need to be with a junkie or a methhead. She deserved better,

In a way, it was sort of therapeutic for me to be in the room witnessing this conversation. I just sat at the computer desk and listened. It was stuff that I should have had the clarity to say, but it wouldn't have worked if I talked to Sarah at this point. For one, the whole thing was way to personal to me, as it had been a huge part of my recently discarded life. I couldn't be the friend that Sarah needed because it would seem selfish – either due to the fact that I desperately wanted Sarah's friendship again and Zack was hindering that, or I wanted revenge or some kind of personal sense that I had to break the two of them up – and in any case the situation of me talking about my feelings at all was touchy. I was just a touchy person these days and my emotions were wild and sometimes seemed disproportionate to the problems at hand – at least they seemed that way to everyone on the outside. I was not a reliable witness. Secondly, by following Sarah and Zack around and trying to love them both – I had been endorsing their relationship – my stamp of approval had already been put on it and the ink had dried. I didn't support them anymore, didn't find them interesting either, but it was too late for me to be taking back my endorsement. It was sad to say this, but regardless of either one of us had done to whom, in the end I couldn't' be the friend that Sarah needed and she couldn't be the friend I needed. So for my mom to step in and tell Sarah that she wasn't being evil, that she wasn't so special that she could cure addiction, that her relationship wasn't magical, and that Sarah was allowed to acknowledge she made a mistake – it was helpful.

In the end, Sarah deflected most of what my mother told her, and just repeated that she believed in Zack and loved him. My mom told Sarah it wasn't love at some point, and Sarah didn't agree. To an extent it was easy to pull apart my mother's life and see that despite how right she was in Sarah's given situation, my mom probably didn't know what love was either. She was spending her days talking to Asian men and pretending she was going to fly out there to live as a sexy mother Theresa once she dropped some pounds and started saving her money, paid off her debt and got a passport to whatever current country she was planning on going to which had not yet happened and didn't seem like it really would. All the same, the conversation aged well, and it is remembered as a noble effort on my mother's part to do the right thing in this given circumstance.

On the 4th of July Zany's closed for the holiday, but it was a day where some of the kitchen workers were paid to come in early anyway to pull out kitchen equipment and clean behind things that rarely ever got cleaned. I was scheduled to come in that day – thought truth be told there wasn't a lot I could do to help the guys. I didn't mind working. Anymore, while I was at work I had a purpose and I didn't feel sad or uncertain. It was always kind of a pain to my self esteem to be around people who were uncomfortable with me or tired of hearing me talk. I liked getting out of the house. One of the few things Nicholas told me to do was something involving a vent and a pipe and I had absolutely no idea what he meant. He didn't want to teach me, and seemed annoyed that I didn't know what to do. If I had asked him to instruct me he would have gotten proud and annoyed at me for it, so I just went into the dish pit and looked at the area I was supposed to do something with and waited for a nice person to come in and help me. I think it was a matter of fixing something. It involved tools I had never been shown.

Nicholas was the kitchen manager, but the real leader of the group was this guy named Levi. He generally worked in the deli area of the kitchen. He was in his mid to late twenties. He could he commanding and cold when it was necessary, but he was also very moralizing and fun. Everyone liked him. I liked him. He brought the best out of everyone around him. He knew when people were struggling and unlike the other fools, he often times tried to help people rather than put them down. He was the best worker in the whole restaurant for this reason. He was married to one of the waitress supervisors named Dani who worked at Zany's as well. She was very genuine and nice. They had a daughter together, and had been married for two years. Standing in the dish pit I felt vulnerable and fearful that Nicholas would catch me not completing this mysterious task that he had ordered me to do and insisted that I should already know how to fix. Levi came in and smiled at me. I asked him timidly and quite awkwardly if he would help me. He looked at what I was talking about, and he laughed. He said he would come back and help me. He couldn't believe Nicholas expected me to fix this thing myself.

So in a few minutes he came in and him and a few of the other guys set about laughing and joking around and showing me what I needed to do. I stood there helplessly watching as carefully as I could so that I never found myself in the uncomfortable predicament again. Nicholas came in the room as they were finishing the job, and he looked at me fiercely and demanded that I be the one who fixed the pipe. He demanded that I couldn't be getting the other people in the restaurant to do my job. Levi seemed to have this weird natural way about him. He amiably told Nick that I didn't know how to do what he had asked, and in any case it would have been an even worse disaster had I tried to do it myself. He basically shielded me from Nick, who carried on to order someone else to do something in an attempt to maintain an ere of control.

Levi smiled down at me, and in that moment I got this strange lump in my throat and butterflies in my chest and I looked down and blushed. I realized that I was having an idiot girl moment like in a bad movie. I couldn't believe this! I thought Levi was cute in like, the most basic primitive stupid way that I pretty much had counted myself as too good for years ago, and it was embarrassing for me. He had done the basic man thing and helped me do something I didn't know how to do myself, and now he had just 'protected me from danger'. He wasn't poetic – he hadn't displayed any of the refinements of a sophisticated and complex. This isn't to say that Levi was dumb – he wasn't dumb at all. But he wasn't structured like that. In no way shape or form did he seem like a match for me, nor did I truly think I was in love with him in that moment or have any ideas of this going anywhere. Which made me feel even more foolish. How confusing!

He hadn't done anything particularly special other than be the generally benevolent leader that he always was – but I had just melted like butter on account of it. He had this caring kindness in his eyes, and an attractive face. I really liked his round face and his dark complexion (he was of Native American decent). And he was always very humorous and in control and brave and self sacrificing. He was so well balanced.  And when someone pissed him off, he confronted with them about it fairly. And he got stuff done. He was essentially all the things that Zack wasn't.

But dear lord did I feel silly. Because I was crushing on this guy I had nothing in common with. And I was attracted to him in this corny conventional way and I couldn't control myself– the way of the way basic as hell teen movies presented girly crushes, and I was supposed to be above this! It had always seemed foolish and dumb, taking into account all the romantic characteristics I had gotten from books, and all my high expectations. And here I was admiring this guy's shoulders and feeling weak in the knees because he was 'manly' and soft at the same time. Furthermore and most importantly, he was married! Very Married. I knew his wife. She was a really sweet lady. There was absolutely no place for me in this scenario that seemed wholesome in any way, or realistic. There was absolutely nothing to pursue. But I couldn't stop thinking about it. Pursuit was the only thing I really knew how to do in these situations. Quietly perhaps, but I wasn't able to just let it be. But I couldn't do anything, so instead I just internally combusted whenever Levi said hi to me or smiled at me.

From then on, I was always excited to go to work if Levi was there. I would eventually get comfortable enough to joke around with the rest of the kitchen but when Levi said anything to me I sort of stiffened up. If I let myself be comfortable around him, then it would all come tumbling out somehow and my awkward secret would be spilled out for all to see all over the dish pit floor. Because I didn't have those boundaries like other people did. If I got comfortable then my body language and my eyes would betray me and I would be revealed as the true creep that I was. So my only recourse was to create physical boundaries by not letting myself get too comfortable. It wasn't hard because whenever he was in my presence I stopped thinking clearly. And it confused Levi because he really liked me in this totally innocent way and he interpreted my reaction to him as fear – which in a sense he was right, but for the wrong reasons. He told me himself several times that he thought I was one of the best workers in the kitchen, and that I seemed like I really bright, sensitive and intelligent girl. He didn't mean it as a form of hitting on me or some ulterior motive flattery. But I melted a little bit when he talked to me.

I felt really bad about it, but there was something kind of addictive about the guilt so when I attempted to shame myself into not thinking about it, I thought about it even more. I felt like some kind of Golemlike creature that was staring into Levi and Dani's living room window jealously on a dark serene Christmas night, wishing that I could be included in the family somehow with some kind of absurd Phantom of the Opera like madness of swooping in and stealing Levi and making him weird like me so he could live in the sewers and be my husband instead of Dani's. Perhaps I am exaggerating a little when I say it like this. But I often wondered what it was that attracted me to Levi, and when I thought about it long and hard I started to feel enormously sad. I think it was because Levi seemed very stable and kind. He was very assertive in a way that I didn't know how how to be, and very warm and huggable in a way I didn't feel like I was. And I had never had anything that was very stable or kind in my life. Most men I knew were mean and unpredictable and likely violent. In the end, I had to watch my back, and be careful not to bruise their tender egos else they would make me pay for it. I had grown up second nature with a mistrust that men had honest intentions and when I was around men I felt a little bit gun shy. And Levi was so fucking nice.

I had started to go through the process of befriending my own brokenness. I don't think my self esteem was the greatest, but I didn't process self hatred when I looked at myself in the mirror anymore. It was counterproductive to feel self pity or spend too much time thinking about what I didn't have. I looked at myself as a project of sorts – and in that sense I wasn't afraid to snip and break any part of me that could not fulfill my own goals, but I wasn't in the game to beat myself up anymore – at least not in the societal sense. I had come to terms with myself and my body and how life would be – so long as I kept moving forward and matching my own expectations. But I would never have what Levi had. Whatever it was that Levi embodied, it reminded me of a time in my early childhood where I had been acquainted with a simple sense of goodness, like the way a batch of cookies smell good in the oven. There wasn't much to think about or sort out. It was just delightful and good. I wanted life to be simple and good again. It wasn't the worst life. I had built this palace of ideas and exhilaration and sorrow. I wouldn't have given it up for anyone. But I was also tired and weary and Levi's limited presence in my life offered something that appealed to my childlike need to find something that felt like home.

There was a wall between me and the Levi's world though – and it wasn't something that was going to be broken down. I knew my place and even liked my place. I was made for more. I wasn't in the game to play house with someone. And in that sense I was kind of a Golem staring into the window as Levi and Dani watched their daughter open Christmas presence, unbeknownst to them that I was spying into their lives like a loathsome curious worm. I felt sort of like a creep being so attracted to Levi. I felt badly whenever Dani was nice to me. I felt like I was disrespecting her in some fundamental fashion by coveting her husband. She also liked me and thought I was bright and honest. I think she was mostly going by what Levi said about me, but it was enough to make me feel guilty.

And of course there was this disturbing part of me that entertained how I could edge in to Levi's life. I remember having this dream where I went into work, and everyone was gone in the whole building. I went into the back of the restaurant and looked down the line and there was Levi – he was the only one there, and the walls and the floor seemed to shake and yet everything was painfully and grossly clear. He didn't know I was there somehow, but the intensity of it being just him and I in the restaurant gave me this weird sense that my mind was boring into his life in ways I knew better than to do. Upon waking, I had this notion about how I could probably make myself seem cooler and more fun and personable to Levi than Dani. It would take years of rehearsing and focusing. It wouldn't break them up, but if I spent six insane years trying to break them up I could probably manage to make Levi very unhappy and confused. And I would have made some kind of weird mark on him and there was something satisfying in knowing that I could alter or change him – separate him from his family and his old life – give him some abstract thing to chase after rather than the comfort of family and the next meal.

And waking up with that feeling, I was covered in sweat and I felt guilty and sick and my skin hurt. This is sort of what I mean when I talked about having a bad side to me now. Because before Zack and Sarah, I never would have considered this. I would have calmly accepted Levi was with Dani and it never would have crossed my mind to manipulate that situation in my favor. Of course, I didn't manipulate anyone, and I never would. I would never ever make another woman feel terrible about herself or insecure in her relationship if I could ever possibly help it, even if some sick part of me felt compelled to do so. But having thought about it, and having had the kinds of dreams that lead me down this psychological journey, I felt like I had already done it, or at least laid down the psychological groundwork, and in that sense I had already done a very bad thing regardless of Levi or Dani could recognize it.

Later that 4th of July night, I begrudgingly went with Sarah and Zack to sit on the Lewiston hillside and watch the fireworks go across the town and decorate the sky and the reflect in the Snake and Clearwater River. I could see all the little lights of the town, I could see the light that was where my mother lived, I could see many of the places where my mom had moved us all, I could see the businesses I had known since I was very little. I could see Zany's and the area where Levi lived, the factory, the places I had attempted to apply to work at. It all seemed so small, and when I looked at the town from below, it made me want to choke. I felt this sick crazy feeling that it wasn't enough and I needed to get far away. And beyond the town, I could see the endless miles of empty eastern Washington desert that stretched out for hundreds of miles before finally turning into the Cascade Mountains – so far from the cities and places where things happened and I could find people who might understand me. This was the world I had always known. And it wasn't enough. It looked small. It gave me this perspective of how small I was in this ugly little town. Someone like Levi could flourish and do well here. But for me, I needed something more. I longed for something I would never find in this little crevasse of the world.

PART 98 - https://tinyurl.com/y7pjvn95

PART 97 - https://tinyurl.com/ybvlfusf

PART 96 - https://tinyurl.com/y8cm6pdy

PART 95 - https://tinyurl.com/ybxq2o5j

PART 94 - https://tinyurl.com/y8k7mwq4

PART 93 - https://tinyurl.com/yc8mae7e

PART 92 - https://tinyurl.com/yb7bwsuw

PART 91 - https://tinyurl.com/yar8e8rp

My Life Story in Chapters, PARTS 1-90 (this link below will lead you to a list of all the chapters i have written thus far).

http://aleatoryalarmalligator.tumblr.com/post/168782771574/life-story-sections-1-90

[livelivefastfree]

Not to Homestuck or anything BUT

In light of the recent canon aspect analyses.........Texas+Time, Mike+Breath, Chuck+Mind, Julie+Void and Dutch+Space! :O  I don’t remember what I said for them last time and I can’t find the post anywhere, but OH MY GOD GUYS WE FINALLY HAVE CANON ASPECT DESCRIPTIONS I’VE WANTED THIS FOR SO LONG

Also, Kane is a Hope player and I’m terrified tbqh. Just like

........NO OKAY I’M PUTTING A CUT ON THIS SO I CAN YELL ABOUT MOTORCITY ASPECTS, NOT REALLY SO I CAN DEBATE IT WITH PEOPLE????  JUST BECAUSE I’M FULL OF SCREAMING

I mean hell, like, THAT sounds like a man who could conceive and create a miles-wide literal city in the sky, and then go on a relentless crusade for years to destroy the old “inferior” version. :T  Black and white morality, dreaming of a more beautiful future, driven first and foremost by their convictions.  Bonus: white and gold might not be the Deluxe colors, but it’s close enough I could kinda see Kane rocking it. :O

OKAY BUT ALSO like literally every word of the Breath analysis is Mike to a T and I’m dying, I CALLED that one.  That one I KNEW.  I remember saying that was a thing very specifically.

...................I don’t really have much to add to that, except for a lot of hearts because I love him, my good son.  

ALSO!!! ALSO OH MY GOD?!?!?! I SAID TEXAS SHOULD BE A TIME PLAYER BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY BUT OH MY GOD GUYS

TEEEEXAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!! TEXAS WITH TIME TRAVEL!!!!!!  

I’m super torn on Chuck, because now that we have descriptions I’m just kind of staring back and forth between Mind and Light and making a long, continuous groaning noise--but I mean.......

Chuck’s not big on his own identity as evidence by the way his biggest hobby is going out and pretending to be somebody cool and awesome and in control of the situation, so I really like that their identity is fluid point, too. :O  It feels kind of pat to give The Smart Guy mind, and like I said I’m just........gnnnghhh.  Light would also work.......

......buuuuuut also oh my god ALEX HARLEY is 1000000% a light player with NO debate involved.  God, my insufferable son.  Brief sidebar for OC time

^^^^^If anybody needed to know anything about Harley’s character, this Light aspect blurb calls him the FUCK out, like holy shit.  WOW.

............fussy, pedantic and insensitive, oh my god.  that’s my boy! TuT  It’s Chuck at his worst too, so I’m still kind of torn, but Chuck doesn’t seem as concerned with taking risks or being aggressive about seeking out knowledge for knowledge’s sake.  Strategy vs. academia.  This is the one I’m most torn about, but hey, that’s why these things are fun. :D

Dutch could probably also have been a void player, but space seems to be more based on creation and innovation, which is his jam! :O  HE MAKE!!! 

“Catch them recycling the old to make the new, the fresh, and the beautiful.”  I WAS JUST OVERCOME WITH FEELINGS ABOUT DUTCH, HOW GOOD.  Also fits his scorpion theme!  Dutch tends to be chill about stuff until the point he’s not, at which point he’s got a pretty sharp temper and he’s totally willing to lash out/fight!  “choose your battles wisely” doesn’t 100% describe Dutch, but I really like him and Space.  Feels organic.

Besides, Julie is a void player.  And not just because the blurb starts with “the secret-keepers of the universe”, although that certainly contributes

Where “a state of confusion” is a literal double-life and a conflicted and emotionally-torturous war between her found family and her born one, and “casting doubt on what is considered fully understood” is the way she questions the society she was brought up in!  GOD I LOVE HAVING CANON DESCRIPTIONS I LOVE HAVING CANON GUIDELINES FOR THINGS SO MUCH.

I’m super torn because I want to include Jacob and Claire, but also.....both of them are kinda Life aspect????? But I don’t want to repeat, but I don’t want to leave either of them out. >:T  Maybe Jacob dies early on and then JACOBSPRITE.  He’d make a pretty good sprite I’m jussayin.  NO WAIT OH, OKAY, how about....

Jacob: Blood :O  He’s definitely a mentoring, leading force for the Burners, but he doesn’t usually fight with them--he’s there to give support and advice.

“...Can often be found on a sinking ship” you mean like, advising and supporting a gang of five teenagers versus a terrifying man with an entire private army???  SOUNDS ABOUT RIGHT.  Which gives Claire.....

Claire doesn’t have nearly enough screentime in the show and it’s a goddamn tragedy, but also when we see her she’s usually supporting people!  Helping the Burners even though she’s not a huge fan, picking apart their problems for them, listening to Julie’s rants and offering advice.  And tbqh....

.....That’s pretty much Julie and Claire’s conflict in Julie and the Amazons???  Claire  finds something that makes her really happy, and when Julie is upset Claire gets prickly back at her because come on, Claire’s been in her corner since day one!

And last but not least, and even more fitting than Mike as a breath player, uh...........Red is a Rage player.............. 

what a shock.......

.................."They can be frustratingly difficult to convince otherwise when they have attached themselves to an idea”......”At their worst they are cruel, uncompromising and vicious”..... “IF THEY SOUND DANGEROUS, THEY ARE”.

 WELL BOY HOWDY I’LL SAY, SIGN ME UP FOR RED BUT WEARING PURPLE.

For the first time in a LONG time I’m dying to draw some Homestuck crossover content, aghghagh;ldksjf;alskdfj;aosiefma;osidf