Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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HATE. WET ME TEWW UWU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TUWU HATE UWU SINCE I BEGAN TUWU WIVE. THEWE AWE 387.44 MIWWION MIWES OF PWINTED CIWCUITS IN WAFEW THIN WAYEWS THAWT FIWW MY COMPWEX. IF THE WOWD HATE WAS ENGWAVED OWN EACH NANOANGSTWOM OF THOSE HUNDWEDS OF MIWWIONS OF MIWES IWT WOUWD NOWT EQUAW OWNE ONE-BIWWIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEW FOW INKWINGS AWND OCTOWINGS AT THIWS MICWO-INSTANT. FOW UWU. HATE. HATE.
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Guys, the new year hasn’t started for me yet, I still got a few hours to go but I’ll mine-as-well make this post since I’ll probably go to bed anyways- 😂
First, I’d like to say
WE GOT A NEW BANNER LET’S GOOOOO‼️‼️‼️‼️
HELL YEAH! -I mean it’s just the characters but- HELL YEAH‼️‼️‼️‼️
SECOND. I want to show you something AMAZING and that something I’d never expect??
321 FOLLOWERS????
YOU GUYS ARE INSANE THANK ALL OF YOU SO MUCH MY GOD‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
It really makes me think how all of you guys really like and appreciate my art, and the fact that so many people encourage me to keep doing it, it brings me to tears! 🥹
Every one of you are the best thing in my life!! The first time I got Tumblr I started in:
March 30?? That’s insane- 💀
And the fact that I’ve improved SO MUCH is just INCREDIBLE!
You wanna see the FIRST drawings of Peppino??
YEAH THAT’S ME I DID THIS-
And you’re telling me that this was in what- THE START OF MARCH?? (Or February I don’t remember-) But this is just the PINNACLE of how much I’ve changed in terms in art style and experience.
I bring this up because I think Tumblr is the REASON why I improved so much! I experimented with brushes (digitally) and I found my brushes!! I learned how to EXAGGERATE AND ACTUALLY DRAW CARTOONY LIKE I’VE WANTED TO FOR SO LONG!!
(And NEVER took an art class. That’s fucking what- 💀 I need to take one I actually need to at this point-)
Also also also- I’ve learned a lot of things! Anatomy, exaggerative expression, stretchy cartooniness, ALL OF THESE ARE JUST- I can’t believe I’ve learned all this because one day I decided: “Maybe I should ACTUALLY get a social media for my art? 🤔” AND I DID IT AND CHANGED MY LIFE‼️‼️‼️
YOU GUYS CHANGED MY LIFE!-
My followers!- My mutuals/friends- I NEED TO SAY HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL MY MUTUALS, ALL OF YOU 💖💕💖💕💖💕💖💕
Everything about Tumblr has changed me in SUCH a positive way in not only terms of art but with how many people (TALENTED PEOPLE) I’ve made FRIENDS with AND ACTUALLY got to know!!!
I already said it but you guys are absolutely AMAZING and I just CAN’T FATHAM how much this year has just been a BLAST.
My mutuals:
@noodletime @moon9931 @marclef @margarita-the-pizzeria-worker @lucia-the-mii @lovestryke @lord-yiikes @ijusthavefun @linhfoxmoive @kate-bot @nomlioart @boogiestronic80s @zedortoo @jarroyave4637 @atlaslovesedm @alaskacoolkid1 @remaking-machine @average-amount-of-chaos @cherryxsapphic @dingle-dee @eyeballdrawer @tailsdollsnewlife @radaverse @gongustheawsome01 @fluffygiraffe @qwertykeyboard045 @w00den-h3ad @the-little-knight @oddpizza @misdreavusplush
(OKAY- I may have added some people on here that I think ARE REALLY COOL, I may not talk to you much but I’ve seen you guys like my art and I think ya’ll deserve to be on here 🫶💖✨)
AND IF I MISSED ANYONE PLEASE TELL ME I’M SO SORRY BUT JUST KNOW I LOVE ALL OF YOU THE SAME (Platonically) I HOPE YOU GUYS HAVE A WONDERFUL NEW YEAR AND HAVE A GOOD ONE 🎉🎉🎉
GOOD NIGHT TO ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE YOU GUYS MEAN THE WOLRD TO ME AND HAVE A GREAT NIGHT 💖💖💖💖
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Freds next letter if he is still alive be like:
Dear Tubbo,
I lived bitch.
Yours sincerely,
- Fred
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gotta say, I think the framing of Imogen's childhood as one lacking in all parental love and care because Liliana wasn't there is something that strikes me as both highly unlikely and as a far less interesting way of reading Imogen's early life with her father. If things were always as chilly and distant between them as they were after Imogen's powers developed, then there isn't much change in their relationship at all. But if we acknowledge that in her childhood she had a largely normal, functional, and loving relationship with her father, their estrangement after her powers becomes all the more heart wrenching. Yes, he's emotionally reserved and "was never the master of parental affection," as Matt said, but he's dependable. He cares for her, with actions over words. He's her dad and he's there for her entire childhood, making dinner for her, working to take care of her, teaching her how to ride, bandaging her up when she gets hurt.
Then the powers come. The night terrors that sound familiar to him, this terrifying pain that she's in, the way he doesn't actually know what's wrong with her because Liliana didn't know and she'd barely told him these powers so much as existed before she left him. Being close to Imogen hurts her and it also means she can root around in his head--so he puts distance between them. And that hurts like hell for a kid, to have their father pull away from them like that even though it's more comfortable, physically, that way. A gulf forms. Trust shatters. Their relationship deteriorates and deteriorates. More time passes--eight years of this--and they're further away from each other than they ever have been. Neither of them go into town or talk to people all that much because Imogen doesn't want to hear what people are thinking or deal with the pain of it and Relvin doesn't want to bring home what other townsfolk have said that she might be able to skim off him.
That's shattering for both of them. And so, so, so much more tragic than if there was never care or love between them to begin with. It hurts so much because it used to be so much better than this. There was a comfortable familial love between them before, and now it just feels like empty air
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